#i just keep invalidating myself even though i know i'm valid

[swearyshera]

Alice,

I've loved being able to read Sweary She-Ra through the years. I happened upon it only a few months after finishing She-Ra (I was late to the party due to not having Netflix, oops), and it gave me so much wonderful content to keep my excitement for the series alive.

The way you explored the characters, especially Catra's mental health and her relationship with Shadow Weaver, helped give me a new understanding and greater appreciation of them. I bring up Catra specifically because, I'll be honest, I wasn't a big Catra fan for awhile. I liked her well enough, then kinda didn't in season 4, but grew fond of her again around season 5. But you helped me understand her thought-process, and I came to like her more because of it. I really like that you also handled her in a nuanced way, where, as you've said many times, you explained her behavior without excusing it, and that made all the difference.

One of the things I really appreciated about your take on She-Ra was how apparent your intelligence was, as well as your writing skill. It wasn't just "Catra says fuck and Glimmer has killed dozens," even though it could have been--you went the extra mile (or kilometer, since you're British :P) and gave us a variety of jokes, as well as mood shifts from comedic to tragic to dramatic to hopeful. All of the characters felt like themselves, even though they were pushed up to 11 and had some creative liberties taken, such as Frosta being a demon and Hordak's Geordie accent. You had a good handle on all of them, which can be very hard to do with a large cast, especially one written by another writer.

I also really appreciated that you took the time to answer asks and build a community here. It gave us lovely jokes such as Bob (that's right, I haven't forgotten about him), Catra's age, and Entrapta reading our comments. I've always been very shy online, but seeing you having such nice interactions with fans helped me open up, and I'm glad I did! I used to ask anonymously from time to time (yes, my first ask was about DT, all the way back during your start on season one, what else would it be? XD), and I'm glad I've gotten to chat and joke with you, as have the rest of us.

I'm so glad that you stuck with this and created such a wonderful fan-series. We never got a movie, but this was just as good, in my opinion. It was like watching SPOP for the first time all over again. I'm excited to see what you create next, be it SPOP-related or not. I hope the future has great things in store for you.

You brought us laughs, tears, and spectacular Glimmer-swears, and your blog means so much to so many people. You mean so much to so many people. I hope you find success in your future endeavors!

FOR THE HONOR OF GAYSKULL!

What can I say, it's truly been an honour (of Gayskull) to write something that I had no idea brought so much to many people. I'm genuinely quite humbled by the reaction.

I always wanted to be fair to all the characters, to show their reasons without necessarily validating the invalid stuff that they've done, and that particularly came across with Catra. It's no secret that I see a lot of parallels between her and my own history, but I've applied the same take-no-shit but be kind approach that I took with myself over the years. And I've learned a lot about mental health during that time, so I could give that sometimes painful realism, but also know just how to make fun of it in the right way.

In some ways, I feel like the characters I've written have taken on their own personality that's very distinct from the original, and that's probably why I think there's a little more mileage in them yet. Both in terms of original stuff (my pilot script Snowflakes has almost 1:1 versions of DT and Perfuma!), but also in the possibility for creating more Sweary stuff, and that is slowly taking shape - although I am taking it easy for a bit, I've already outlined a story which I'd love to make into an audio drama. Currently workshopping it with a couple of people, so watch this space...

It has been a joy to get so many asks from people, yourself included, and my inbox will always be open. I'm not going anywhere for a while! You were very much my DT-asker-in-chief, and I'm super glad you enjoyed their scenes (heck, you even got them a cameo at the end!). So thank you immensely for the support.

I'm happy I've been able to contribute to a wonderful fandom in such a way, and I'm eager to keep on giving back to a community that has given me so many amazing friends.

FOR THE HONOR OF GAYSKULL!

[itsaspectrumcomic]

this is kind of a vent and a bit of a silly rambled story (ooo story time! but feel free to ignore it if you want it wont bother me)

so i have been researching autism and adhd for roughly a year and a half now and its kinda become a special interest of mine (wild i know lmao) and its actually how i got my adhd diangosis! funnily enough the therapist who diagnosed me for adhd and evaluated me for asd was biased and had no knowledge about adhd or autism... :-] pained smile

(im afab and my sibling is amab and the comparisons between our assesments is insane. they got assesed easily but for me, the therapist was reluctant and judgemental. a great start i know /sarc)

anyway the therapist told me that i couldnt be autistic because even though i scored high, the test my PARENTS filled out for my childhood was very low. i wasnt even asked about my childhood experiences when it came back with a low score. i was just brushed off and told that it was only my adhd and that if i WAS autistic (which im not, according to her) that i would be "high functioning" and that "high functioning" people arent actually autistic. not word for word because i was half listening in shock but the general idea is still there. i have no clue how i even went to this woman tbh.

i have since made a list and included evidence for all the traits ive had since infancy but my parents 100% took the therapists word and are now completely convinced that there is zero chance that i can be on the autism spectrum. fun fact i think theyre both on the spectrum as well and ive talked to my sibling about it too. its wild lol

the thing is i keep going back and forth between denial and acceptance thinking i may be on the spectrum and ive had plenty of friends both professionally and self diagnosed tell me that i am on the spectrum but i cant help but accidentally find ways to invalidate myself and my experiences. i dont know if its worth it to get a professional diagnosis or to just exist as self diagnosed because they both have strong pros and cons. its all very confusing but i can wait 2 years until im a legal adult so i can at least try to get an assesment from a therapist who actually understands autism

i apologize for being so long winded and for any gramatical/spelling errors but i just wanted to thank you for making this blog in general. it feels very validating despite what other people and my negative thoughts try to say about my brain :-] i hope youre doing well !!

'"high functioning" people arent actually autistic'

UGH I hate that so much. I'm not really a fan of the the terms 'high functioning' and 'low functioning' anyway because it doesn't cover how autistic people can be really good at some things and struggle a lot with other things (also known as having a 'spiky profile') and just 'high' or 'low' doesn't properly take that into account, and then there's the whole questionable use of 'functioning' but that's a whole other discussion....

I'm sorry your parents aren't listening. Since autism can be genetic, it's fairly likely they are also on the spectrum and never noticed the traits when you were growing up because it all seemed normal to them.

It's a very personal decision whether or not to try for an official diagnosis, but whatever you decide is valid! The important thing is gaining self-acceptance and learning what works for you. Good luck and I'm so glad you're enjoying this blog :)

#ask #anon ask #long post #its a spectrum #autism diagnosis

[otherkinberry]

Warning: syscorse

Uhhh sooo syscorse. Can someone explain it to me?/gq It can be here or on dms.

Questions down below.

(I'm posting it here so I can actually get an answer, because I have a bit of a following here.)

Here are my questions

-why are endos bad?

-why do people hate endos so much?

-how are they mocking systems?

-Am I anti or pro endo? (My beliefs are down bellow)

Background about me:

I've been trying to keep kind of "I don't want to talk about it bc I don't understand it" and trying to remove myself from it immediately.

But I do want to understand it. At the same time, everytime I go to the tags, it's just everyone yelling at each other and I don't understand anything. And I don't want to be yelled at either lol. I'm actually pretty scared to post this.

My beliefs till now:

-Can they exist?

Ok, uh so, I don't think it matters if I think if endos are real or not? Like, it's not my identity, I don't know them. And that's why I want to know if and how they are hurting the DID/OSDD comunity.

-Are they fakers?

I personally believe they're not. But you can think that they're not real and faking all you want, but have some manners. Don't go out invalidating others. You wouldn't do it irl, so don't do it online.(This sounds like I'm mad but I'm not)

"They fake having DID" but they never said that though...?/gq isn't the term "endo" made to differentiate them from disordered systems?

My opinion on them rn:

I've asked around irl a bit, and it turns out a bunch of teenagers don't give out the best concise answers. So the closest I've gotten to an answer is:

They need their own spaces. traumagenic systems want their own spaces and I think that's valid, sure, they can, and should intersect sometimes, but not as much as they do now. That's why I considered myself sort of anti endo until now. Idk if I'm anti endo tho??? What does my belief classify as?

we can't prove if they're real or not, because studies don't really 100% discard the idea of them being real. As far as I understand, they just haven't done research around endos. They don't fit in the research, because the researchers don't think about endos when doing the research.

And I don't think it's really your, or my space to say what someone is or isn't. If someone calls themselves an endo, but are actually a did system, who cares?

"But they need help because they have trauma!!" yeah!! I agree, but even traumagenic beings don't get help sometimes. Endos can be in treatment and still identify as endogenic. Idk, in the end, everyone has their own process and recovery time.

#syscourse #system stuff #question #endogenic #traumagenic #questions #traumagenic system #endogenic system #endo

[genderfluid-info-blog]

; so I'm currently using Genderflir ( a term I recently discovered, originally just using Genderfluid ), but I'm having doubts ... Because, although the definition seems to fit how I feel perfectly, I have literally never seen / known of anyone that uses it. And so I feel like, weird ?? Logically I know that since the term exists, and was easily findable on a wiki, other people are Genderflir. But I still feel alien, and like I'm the only Genderflir person in the world- and know I feel like I'm lying to myself and should " go back " to being Genderfluid ?? I don't know. I'm sending this because I guess I need clarification ? Confirmation ?? Something along those lines, just someone to tell me I'm not weird or lying to myself, or disrespecting other Genderflir people by identifying as Genderflir even though I'm doubting my gender so much- qwq

; gender is very confusing to me, and I was so happy to find a term that described me so accurately ... But I can't help but feel wrong, for constantly changing terms and whatnot so much. Y'know ?? ( sorry this is so long lol, just needed to get it off my chest before I literally explode . )

It's no secret that I love micro labels, but there are some downsides to them: micro labels can lead to a feeling of alienation from community. But here's the thing: I promise you that there are more genderflir people out there than you think. And I promise you that you can use your micro label and be genderflir, and you're still just as much of a valid member of the genderfluid community <3

You're not disrespecting anyone. You're not lying to anyone. You're being yourself and I think that's beautiful. And even if you were the only genderflir person on the earth, that wouldn't invalidate your gender in any way! Gender is complicated and unique and fluid and indescribable sometimes, and I believe that there are as many genders as people, because we all have a slightly different experience, even if we use the exact same descriptors.

Finding yourself and the correct label for yourself is a journey. Change is human and natural, you're not wrong for changing labels. You're staying true to yourself, and that's amazing! It takes courage and self-respect to embrace change, and it's great that you're being patient with yourself and accepting of your journey. It's normal to doubt yourself occasionally, but be gentle with yourself🫶🫶

If the label makes you happy, keep using it. You're absolutely valid and you're always going to be more than welcome on my blog!!🩷🤍💜🖤💙

PS: your label is really cool tbh, i love the flag!!

#asks #genderfluid #nonbinary #transgender #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #genderflir

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🦇 Perfect on Paper Book Review 🦇

❓ #QOTD What's the best advice you've ever received or given? ❓ 🦇 High school junior Darcy Phillips has a secret identity as the relationship advice expert behind Locker 89. Leave a letter along with $10 and she'll provide the perfect solution to your relationship woes. So far, she hasn't been caught...that is, until Alexander Brougham catches her collecting letters. He'll keep her secret...if she can fix his relationship post-break-up, that is. Can Darcy help Brougham win his girlfriend back (without strangling the entitled, rich, yummy-Australian-accent-slinging swimmer) in the process?

💜 Perfect on Paper was nominated for a Goodreads Choice Award (Best Young Adult Fiction - 2021) and it's no wonder. This was the exact book bisexual baby me needed a decade ago. Though I've read a multitude of books featuring bisexual FMCs, Sophie Gonzales is the first to capture the authenticity of internalized biphobia. I'll admit I was sheltered enough that it took me a while to realize bi was even an option for me. Bisexual erasure didn't help; once I self-identified, I was given the oh-so-cliche, "that's not real," and "it's just a phase." Bitch, I'm a moon goddess; I'm in a new phase every day of my life. ANYWAY. Darcy is authentic in her concern that a crush over a guy invalidates her bi-ness. The Queer & Questioning Club scene where Darcy's community validates her was everything (and truly got me misty-eyed).

💜 The advice column aspect of the story was brilliant. Darcy's letters are written in a tone that's patient and empathetic yet informative and encouraging. She'd obviously done her research and it shows, but you see her mentally unravel the moment there's personal bias and it's BEAUTIFUL. Darcy isn't perfect. She's a high schooler, still figuring herself out. Yes, she's flawed, but she's also self-aware, willing to grow and change and take her own advice (or the advice she gets from her AMAZING trans big sister, who I adored).

💜 While this is a queer YA romance, there are so many layers beyond that. There's a mixed bag of diversity and personal trauma (and with that, potential for growth) to explore.

💙 The story DID take a minute to pick up speed, so the beginning left me waiting for a catalyst for momentum. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm no a fan of the miscommunication trope. HOWEVER, it does fit here, and proves how easily a tiny moment of misunderstanding can completely alter the course of a friendship. I did have to put the book down at one point, when Darcy's best friend outs her (I was super frustrated on Darcy's behalf because that betrayal was intense). I was disappointed that no one stepped forward and THANKED Darcy for her advice when she was getting attacked as the person behind Locker 89. People were upset BEFORE their letters were taken, but no one thanked Darcy until LONG after the situation cooled. Given Darcy's self-proclaimed success rate (was there a mention of HOW she knew she was successful, beyond the lack of refunds?), I expected a lot more praise for her abilities beyond one person.

🦇 Recommended to fans of Leah on the Offbeat and Imogen, Obviously, with a hint of To All the Boys I've Loved Before and Netflix's Sex Education.

✨ The Vibes ✨ 💌 Bisexual FMC (w/ Internalized Biphobia) 💌 Queer Young Adult Rom-Com 💌 Lots of Rep 💌 Hate-to-Love 💌 Friends to Lovers 💌 POC Sapphic Side Ship

💬 Quotes ❝ "Do you think there’s a chance that [...] you’re intellectualizing things so you don’t have to, you know, feel them?" ❞ ❝ I was sitting in the space between a sound and its echo. Brougham had asked a question, and I had to answer it. It was that, or keep dreaming about love, and working toward helping others find it, while never letting myself risk it. ❞ ❝ In some ways, we mirrored each other. We shared cracks in complementary places. ❞ ❝ Bi people are part of the queer community, and their identity does not change depending on who, if anyone, they happen to have feelings for or date at any given moment. ❞

#books #reading #black cat #cats and books #queer books #queer book review #queer fiction #queer romance #queer #bisexual visibility #bisexual pride #bisexuality #book reviews #book review #batty about books #battyaboutbooks #book: perfect on paper #author: sophie gonzales #cats reading #cats

[astroismypassion]

ohh that was interesting and accurate!!

can u do the same culture about the sexuality of a scorpio moon male? :)

Wow, thank you! Yeah, I observed a lot of Pisces Moon men behaviour. Though, it's usually one of the Moon placements I try to avoid. Because I really feel they don't know WHAT they WANT. Almost like they only understand it once they see it, but why would you want someone who goes with the flow so much? Someone who can change on you any minute? It just doesn't go well with my Aries Moon conjunct Saturn, despite the fact I'm Pisces IC (so I keep attracting Pisces Moons), but we just don't vibe well. Hahaha yeah!! That's another male Moon sign I just don't click with personally. I can be objective and understand their so many positive traits, but to me any Mars Moon indicates that they just don't treat women that great. Yikes. Like the amount of couples I encountered where the man had Aries or Scorpio Moon and he really riled up easily. I think it can too easily result in screaming, having loud arguments with the woman or threating with physical violence. They just go from 0 to 100 that quickly. And just my personal opinion, despite being an Aries Moon (and a Scorpio Rising at that) woman myself, I would NEVER date a Scorpio Moon male. I just think we would constantly try to compete who's emotions are more valid in a situation. These are both really emotionally expressive Moons and very reactive. So it would end up in who's feelings are more important right now. So we can't be two people like that, as an Aries Moon I would prefer someone who "grounds" those emotions with me, not challenge me or invalidate my own feelings. Furthermore, I'm a late Scorpio Rising, which means a lot of my Scorpio falls in the 12th house. This would mean their Scorpio Moon would be in my 12th house and I'm just not okay, comfortable enough with that. But yeah, back to your question: THE SEXUALITY OF A SCORPIO MOON MAN - their mother was probably highly emotionally unavailable, she provided for his basic needs, like cooking him food, made sure he ate, but everything outside of this frame, was not present. Emotional expression was not present. Maybe she bought him clothes or an item that he really likes, but she had hard time verbally expressing her praise, acknowledgement for him - so that's why these men go for women who are emotionally unavailable, they like to chase her, so that they "earn" the love, attention they tried to get from their mother, but failed to recieve - but if the woman he is chasing, demands MORE attention from him, he runs. He sees her as too clingy, constantly nagging and needy. And that's a no go for attention loving Scorpio Moon man, who wants A LOT OF ATTENTION himself. - they often times prefer working hard, hustling, making more money, then buying items, because items are the only constant things in their life, they WON'T LEAVE or betray them - so don't get fooled, these men want a lot of attention for themselves and they hate a female partner that is too attention seeking and wants more attention from him. Usually this man wants to have all the spotlight in the partnership - they are veryy reactive, so they might act on a whim. You could argue about something and suddenly take could feel suffocated and like their boundaries, limits are being crossed to much, so they just snap and suggest breaking up over a text on a whim. They could have regrets after though, but they will never admit this. They are too proud to ask for someone back, after they've said this, even if it was done impulsively - sadly, the type of men, who would often call their previous partner "crazy" after the connection ends. I see that this is Mars Moon men thing. They pull that card very often after things end. They don't necessarily talk badly about previous partner, but they make sure everyone percieves them as a bit "unstable". - they could have double standards when younger, like the woman needs to be loyal and devoted, but he can "fool around" and emotionally cheat a lot, because his main excuse is "that his feelings are not involved". Like they think they can detach from their emotions, that their feelings are apart from their physical body, so they can do that. But usually the older they get, the more they understand the devotion and significance of being emotionally intimate and loyal to one partner who is their ride or die. But when younger, could be quite a player. Well, not a player, this person is a lone wolf, but they project actions that one would percieve them that way. - sexuality wise, they tune in really well into their partner. They might seem reallyy experienced, despite maybe having 2 partners. They can be so in charge, that they just come across like they KNOW WHAT they're DOING. - probably very touchy feely or tries to convey this through prolonged eye contact and staring, but once in a relationship can need a lot of physical contact or/and sex, just a lot, because this is a way of validation for their emotional security and safety, but also making sure that they still have feelings - either a fan of light choking or not, but also can be big on hickies or/and neck kisses You can add on more below in the reply section. @astroismypassion

#astrology #astro note #astro observation #scorpio moon #scorpio #scorpio moon man #astro community #astroblr #astroismypassion #astrology blog

[sophieinwonderland]

My host suggested talking to you, so here we go.

Hi, you can call me Yu. My host really likes your blog, she reads it when she doesn't have anything else to do and enjoy's it. We recently realized we are a system and there's a lot of things I want to do, make friends, learn to front, find myself and explore so many stuff.

I guess you and many other's have felt like this at some point, so I wanted to hear as much advice on how to achieve all of this. Specially from you, who now have your own blog, and have made and shared so many useful stuff like your guide to make wonderlands and spread positivity to endogenic systems and debunk sysmed's and anti-endo's lies which helped my host a lot. Thank you in advance and have a great rest of your day.

Welcome, Yu! 💖

For making friends, I just found people in the plural community who were willing to DM. Mostly on r/tulpas in the beginning. Some I reached out to. Other reached out to me. I know others have had good luck in plural and alterhuman Discord servers. VR chat could be another great option, though I haven't tried it myself yet.

For fronting, here's our method:

And here's Felights' Fronting Fundamentals which is way more detailed with tons of different methods to experiment with. I have no doubt you'll get there.

As for finding yourself, just keep exploring and doing new things.

For myself, over the first several months of self-awareness, I knew I wanted to exist, but didn't have any real ambitions of my own other than learning about plurality and making friends. I learned a lot about myself in that period by just exploring new things. I developed my own taste in music, foods, shows, etc.

As time went on, one thing that concerned me was that I kept meeting more systems with stories like my own. Headmates who had been invalidated and dismissed as imaginary by their hosts who didn't know better. By themselves even. And while I had only lived like this for a couple months before becoming self-aware, many of those I talked to had gone through this for years. I was one of the lucky ones.

I realized that there must be so many out there exactly like this. Maybe millions, even. I wanted to do something for them. I wanted to raise awareness and offer validation for the imaginary friends of the world so they could know that they're not alone.

This gave me purpose. I decided that if I could even help one person, then that would be a victory.

But if I can let you in on a secret, this does come with its drawbacks. It sometimes feels to me like I'm a tulpa who has based a huge amount of her identity on being a tulpa. Much of what I do when fronting lately is blogging. Much of the media I want to consume is plural media I can talk about on the blog.

It does sometimes make me feel like I'm less real when so much of my identity is based on my plurality and tulpahood, unlike what I've seen of other tulpas. So maybe I haven't really found myself yet either.

But then... maybe nobody ever does. Maybe we're constantly evolving in small ways and we should accept that we'll never completely find ourselves, and that's totally okay. There's no finish line for personal growth.

Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination.

Maybe finding yourself isn't ever a destination. Maybe it's always a journey.

Hope that helps! Have a great day too, Yu! And best of luck on your journey! 💖💖💖💖💖

#plural #plurality #pluralgang #endogenic #multiplicity #imaginary friend #imaginary friends #plural system #system #endogenic system #systems #system stuff #plural things #tulpa system #tulpamancy #plural positivity #plural pride

[emilykaldwen]

Hi I am struggling with being ace and people's perception of me. Like they literally see me as invalid as a person because I don't have a man nor do I want one. Then I feel like I'm missing out if I don't have a man even as I know it will never work in reality. It's more like the status I want than an actual man. I work and live in a nice apartment so people kind of vibe off that when they find out, it lessens the harshness but I have a single female relative who is moving in with me due to homelessness and now the comments are starting about impoverished spinsters clubbing together, my life is over I'm past it. I don't know how to deal with it, it's really dragging me down to the point I feel if she lives with me its intolerable because people are saying this

Hi Anon! First off, I'm really sorry you're dealing with a bunch of massive assholes cause I'm sitting here going who the fuck says that shit to people? You are totally valid in your identity, and frankly, fuck what anyone else says.

So, my experiences are not reflective of other communities or cultures. You may be in a place that is very entrenched in the Life Script, as I like to call it: Heteronormative monogamous partnerships. (I'm based in the US, and even then, my experience is not universal in this country either)

So here's the thing, and some my take this differently, but I come from the camp of 'My sexuality is no one's business unless it comes up'. 'But Nat', you may say 'you have your identity in your tumblr blog'. Yes, yes I do because this is an appropriate space to state it so I can more easily connect with other people who are like me.

Now, this only works so far as you get older and people are like 'why don't you have a partner? don't you want kids? don't you want to get married? what's wrong with you?'. I run into this a lot as well in childfree circles. The moment I say 'oh, I don't want kids', a lot of people who have kids/want kids suddenly get super defensive, like I'm saying my personal choice means no one should be having kids and they're fools to have children. I think that runs into the similar issues on the ace spectrum where people who are in relationships are like 'do you think you're better than me or something?'

I didn't come to my full Ace conclusion until I was... 32? Before that I had been running on a bisexual/mostly-lesbian leaning outlook on life until I was living on my own and was like 'man, you know what, I should try date' and ended up getting myself a boyfriend. I tried. I tried for six months. I told him up front I wasn't very sexually motivated and it turned out he wasn't either! but man, he was as dull as a fucking rock (very nice though) and we had a lot in common and like, he would have made for a GREAT friend. But I found myself really struggling with not being attracted, not wanting to kiss him, and inside I'm going 'man this would be way better if he were a girl'. So I broke up with him, I told him I was a lesbian, and then once that was done I just... never had the urge to date again. Sometimes I do, but I realize now it's more that I'm trying to seek a platonic companion, someone who is always there to hang out with, that we have a lot in common, etc.

Even the most well meaning and supportive people can say things that are dismissive of being Ace even if they're not trying to be and it's up to YOU, anon, to let it roll off. Because not everyone is trying to drag you down.

But the people who are? Aren't people I think you want to have in your life anyway. These don't sound like friends or supportive people if they keep demeaning you because you have a different life than them. Are these the people you really want approval from for 'status' when it means degrading you for how you're built? Who YOU ARE as a person? The status is not worth denying your sense of self. Let's say you were gay and your friends were pressuring you about being straight. Would you get involved in a straight relationship that made you miserable? No, I don't think so (or at least, I hope not!)

I think it's absolutely lovely to have your aunt moving in with you and the next time someone says something, you just tell them 'That's such a callous and cruel thing to say. I have the room in my home and I love my aunt very much and I'm glad to help her. With today's economy, it works out for the both of us'.

And the next time someone wants to come at you for being ace, you can say 'Wow, I didn't know you spent so much time thinking about my sex life. That's so weird and kind of creepy'.

I find these sort of comments help... put into perspective what people are sounding like.

But honestly, fuck these people. They are not worth your time, and you are worth so much more than them.

#I have no idea if this is helpful anon #but this isn't high school #there is a whole wide open world out there #and sometimes it's very hard to be confrontational #but these people sound cruel AF #and toxic #like who the fuck says shit like that to people? #I'm so sorry you're dealing with this #I hope things work out

[hiding-in-my-blanket-fort]

Okay so I'm usually very comfortable and very relieved to be aroace. But sometimes, the repeated invalidation wears on me. And then I end up going through the whole questioning phase AGAIN so I just needed to get some things off my chest.

I hate when I share my experience as an aspec person, even within the community, and someone always has to pipe up with, "Oh, I thought I was a late bloomer too. Until I met someone and now I don't feel that way anymore."

Listen. And I mean this with all my heart: kindly shut the fuck up.

Unless someone is seeking relationship advice, don't say that shit. It's condescending and invalidating.

It also puts me right back into the questioning cycle all over again and I'm really, really tired of revisiting that phase for the hundredth time. It took me YEARS of research and questioning and denial before I finally felt comfortable saying that I was aroace and non-partnering.

Then someone has to come along and say, "You'll change your mind!" in some flavor or another.

And I'm spinning out again.

Am I really aroace?

What if I'm just picky?

Maybe I'm a really unlikeable person and no one wants me.

What if it's just generational trauma holding me back? What if it's social anxiety messing everything up?

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe I need to date, even though I have no desire to do so. But other people seem to know what's best for me, right???

I'm tired of people telling me that my value and my happiness hinges on someone else. No matter which way you look at it. If I don't rabidly hunt down a romantic partner, then I better have a QPR. If I don't have a QPR, then I better have some really good friends.

NO. I. do not. feel fulfilled. with. people. End of story. I've lived for over thirty years on this planet and I've never experienced a very close personal connection with someone. AND THAT'S FINE. I'm tired of being told that I have to do everything in my goddamn power to change that because I can't POSSIBLY be happy on my own!!!!

You know what does make me very unhappy??? When I'm told that I'm inferior or screwed up because I don't have someone to validate my existence as a human being. As if my life has no meaning until someone, somewhere, in this big wide world, sees me and says, "You have worth because I said so."

When I was growing up, my parents told me to act more like my brother so people would like me. They pressured me to be someone I'm not because prioritizing other people's favor was more important than valuing myself.

I'm tired of waiting for someone to notice me. I'm tired of putting my life on hold, waiting and waiting and waiting for some "magical person" to make my life amazing and allegedly bring me happiness.

You know what that does? It makes me miserable. It makes me depressed. Every year that passes and I remain solo, I wonder, "What's wrong with me? Am I unloveable? Why does everyone else have a special person but I don't?"

If you met someone who changed your view of the world, good for you. But there are times where you should keep it to yourself, rather than bragging about how your relationship made your life so amazing.

And DO NOT get me started on, "Oh, your forever person will find you when you stop looking and when you least expect it."

Bullshit. Once again, implying that my worth and happiness as a human being hinges on someone else. Once again implying that EVERYONE will partner up eventually because YOU can't seem to fathom anything differently. Because it makes YOU uncomfortable to think that *I* do not have a partner which challenges your viewpoint so you try to MAKE IT FIT by saying, "You will change to suit me and what I believe."

Just leave people alone.

#aromantic #asexual #pride tag #ace talks to herself

[airanke]

As someone who really enjoys all flavors of Dabi headcanons, it’s real nice to have variety. Sometimes sweet and soft and tender is good. Sometimes awful and monstrous is good. I think both readings (and everything in between) with the right kind of background can be valid. You’ve built your own story with your own history behind it, and it breathes a wonderful kind of legitimacy into your head canons, and I love that. People’s headcanons are always going to be colored by who _they_ are and what they want out of a character, though. What someone else wants or needs is no reflection on you. I know you’re down on yourself a lot, but you have every right to feel and want the things you do, and you shouldn’t let other people’s takes on a character rob you of the joy your headcanons bring you and other people who enjoy them.

I know that’s easier said than done of course; I can’t just speak confidence into existence. I like some rotten Dabi headcanons myself, but I come back to see you explore the sweeter, sadder, and more tender side of his character all the time because I love it just as much. That isn’t to say you should subject yourself to both if it hurts you, of course! No shame, no bully. I mean it mostly to say that there are those of us frolicking in hell who still appreciate and love the soft humanity you bring to his character all the same. You’re good at it, and the art you make for it is so evocative. I love the stuff you do with him and Abi. It’s great and I check for your stuff every day, here and on Twitter. ): need my daily dose!

I know times are tough right now (I cannot stand all these new chapters and I am going out of my mind crazy with it all) but c’mon lady! You gotta value yourself. No amount of any one else being feral dinguses (myself included) should invalidate your own feelings and takes. If anyone tries to make you feel bad about it, they’re legit scum sucking but babies.

Dsfasdfjioajf ///////

I am really sorry that I can be super down on myself sometimes, thank you for your kind words and reassurances <3

Honestly I'm super happy that you enjoy my iteration of his character ; - ; and I'm really happy that you enjoy the content I do with him and Abiteth (especially because of how much she means to me personally, it's so difficult for me to fall in love with my OCs sometimes but I definitely fell in love with her). Canon Dabi will always be one of my faves and I know that I can't write him the way Horikoshi does (because I DO like to explore the aspects of his character we don't get to see).

And yeah, the current chapters are just WOO. I will keep trying in the future to have more confidence in my ideas, hopefully soon I can share even more AUs with everyone.

#Ask Air #anonymous #thank u bb #that being said my darkest iteration of Dabi is DEFINITELY #Stalker Dabi HAHASDOUHFSHOUADFSH #that man SCARY

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

No TWs I believe.

I'm looking for reassurance.

I've seen a lot about people thinking of their system as parts of a hole, and how that's necessary for healing, because you're all living the same life.

But for us, we're different people. We don't feel attraction the same way. We have different interests (though they overlap a lot), different voices (inside), and different ideas and thoughts.

As far as I know, we don't share many memories, either. I have an idea of what happens usually, enough to get by if someone asks me what I did that day, but nothing else.

But for us this is better! Our memories mean we can surprise each other with gifts, and have serious conversations or embarrassing moments with the chance that the others won't know. It allows each of us to be surprised by surprises, even if going 'Oh! AWW TY' three times over because we switched is inconvenient for masking.

And thinking of ourselves as different people allows us to keep a sense identity. A sense of independence and individuality. It helps each of us (especially me) to remember to let everyone live part of their lives, and say what they have to say.

And, sure, trauma memories are vague, and downright elusive, but we're finally finding peace, and we don't need to change that with earth-shattering truths about the past when we've fought so hard to get to where we are. And we have a therapist, so each of us can work through things if they need the extra help.

So...are we wrong? Is our way of working toward Functional Multiplicity unhealthy somehow? I feel invalid and like all I've done to get myself to accept this, to let the other alters in, means nothing if I'm not doing it "the right way", and I just...can't healing be different for everyone? Even if it's unhealthy for you, can't it be healthy for me?

Hi anon,

None of that sounds unhealthy to me (although it might be nice to have slightly more access to memories and such). It's okay if your system functions better apart, with respect to their individual identities and everything. Systems shouldn't necessarily be painted with the same brush because they're all so unique. Healing can also definitely look different for everyone.

You and your system are valid. I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks

[thefrostfallathenaeum]

How do I go back to being carefree again? When opinions didn't matter? All I did was live by the principle of "Do no harm but take no shit?" I just feel like this is a nightmare come to life. I never wanted a repeat of the summer of 2017, and here it is- the summer of 2021, with similar issues which make me want to burst into tears spontaneously. But, I don't- of course not. I know better than to do so, and I can hold them in.

It's difficult to say, but I think this state of mind is a side-effect of wanting validation from people who claim to love me because I need that comfort as I'm currently in a very volatile phase in relation to my academia and job and such. My therapist says that I constantly invalidate myself because I've been told that I should use my anger constructively. But I can't. I'm insanely angry, angry at what people have done to me and never apologised, angry because they keep doing it, and when I do point it out they're the victims. Not me, they go into this shell and I have to apologise and feel bad. But there are good things about these people too and hence I can't cut them off.

Sometimes my mindscape leads me to start thinking of some of the worst phases of my life and glorify them, imagining that those phases would still be better than my current state.

For example, I had a passing thought that even though my ex forced me to have sex with him and told me that my body was broken because I didn't enjoy the act, at least he was always encouraging about academia and my hobbies and passions and was always really proud of me.

This is a dangerous mentality to have and I really wish to get out of it. I know I should write more, but I'm too tired to do so

[krahenschrei]

An Aquarius Opening Up

Random journal-ish entry because I need to get the feelings out somewhere or the Bees™ in my head will detonate.

For a whole lot of reasons I'm not the sort of person who likes to talk about their feelings or anything about myself that isn't like basic surface level things and that's kinda always been the case. I keep everyone in my life at a certain level of distance, some closer or further than others, but not my family, my therapist, or friends have ever gotten to any really deep layers of who I am or anything like that.

But something changed recently. I can't pinpoint when and I don't know if there was any specific trigger or if it just happened gradually without me noticing.

I've been with my boyfriend fo a little over two years now and I've always felt comfortable telling him mostly anything but even he unfortunately was held at a certain distance. Closer than anyone else has ever been, certainly, but still something in me kept me from letting down my walls entirely. I know part of my issue stems from having to be the strong one my whole life for everyone - family, friends, etc. - I was the tough, stable person that held it together for everyone else and made sure things were taken care of or at the very least, anyone affected by something was able to talk to me about their feelings and basically use me as a sounding board to process and usually that would turn me into the therapist friend as well. I was not 'allowed' to have the same courtesy though because if I spoke about my feelings, I was invalidated or made to feel guilty for expressing myself because I "made them feel bad" and was told more than once by specific people in the past that me just wanting to discuss something bad that happened "upset them" and I was made to drop it, even if it had nothing to do with the person I was talking to.

But lately I've found myself just saying things to my boyfriend that are usually things I would keep to myself. Nothing weird or bad, just thoughts and feelings that sit deeper inside me that I would've never expressed to anyone else. There have been times I've said things and realized it but felt no embarrassment or shame like I might have if it had slipped in front of anyone else. I've been taking stock of how I feel during those times and it's an unusual sense of calmness and just… being okay. Like I don't feel excessive happiness or anything, it's not a euphoric moment, it's just… natural and good. It feels safe. I have never in my life felt safe with anyone, not even family members that I knew did genuinely love and care about me - because I felt they would still betray my trust somehow at some point.

He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel okay. I feel comfortable and have this deep sense of understanding that there's no shame or guilt or fear here. There's no need to compete, no need to argue and debate to make my feelings be taken seriously or validated. There's no need to posture and express an unhealthy level of generosity in order to 'prove' that I'm worth keeping around.

Last year was hard. The first quarter of this year has been hard too for different reasons but now, coming into May, I just feel… good. I feel content. It's an unusual sensation. Trauma, mental illness, and just being an annoying air sign has made my whole life feel like a constant state of needing to prove to everyone around me that I deserve to be here, that I deserve love and care and to be heard, that I am not somehow less important than those around me just because I'm different than they are. There's just been these little moments for the last month or so that make me stop and think like… Yeah, this is good. This is right. I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved. This is what it should feel like.

I feel authentic. I feel like my genuine self thanks to him. I feel like for once, someone doesn't think I'm some alien weirdo that can't function properly and just doesn't try hard enough or feels things the 'wrong way.' I don't get into constant panicked states worrying if he's losing interest in me. I don't constantly stress myself out and worry myself physically sick about making some frantic display of reminding him that I'm there and don't want to be replaced and I'm good enough. I don't have to fight for his attention, he just gives it because he wants to, because he wants me, and I guess part of me is still learning how to accept that. No one's ever wanted me without it being conditional somehow.

It's a lot to process and there's still even more I haven't fully wrapped my head around. I hope I'll be able to give him that same sense of safety and acceptance. He deserves it. I hope I can love him as perfectly as he's loved me.

#krahe journal #rambling about feelings and bf

[perpetual-fool]

(rambling)

I know this is just in my head. And I would assume things based on previous experiences with humans. But also, since there are one or two people who 'like' my posts sometimes, I feel like it means they disapprove if they don't. And by extension, it's my failure to figure out why I'm wrong. And like, I feel like it's 'okay' to be whatever I am so long as I feel bad about it. Like, I had an exchange with Cat, I said "I'm sorry I'm a piece of shit" and she said "I don't think of you that way". But if I wasn't sorry, if I believe it's not me and actually it's everyone else, then people would hate me for that. Not people, others. humans. which is the deal, I assume.

So here's the 'person' test. One, you share an idea with me. You tell me what you've observed (actual observations and not interpretations) to make you think so. And you tell me what makes you think the idea is actually true (and not just plausible). Then I rephrase the concept you've shared in my own words, with my own example. If I'm wrong you tell me, and I try again. And when I get it right you confirm. Two, we do the same thing but with the role reversed. I share a thing with you, you keep trying until you get it right. And when you've shared a valid thing and understood something from me, then I can believe you're a real person.

Is that unreasonable? Over and over I've had others refuse to clarify anything, change their position every time I tried to confirm anything, very deliberately lay out batshit insane invalid bullshit, tell me they understand and then immediately prove otherwise. I don't even think it's worth sharing an example anymore, if you are attempting genuine understanding then you'll recognize you need it and ask. It's simply what's necessary to understand.

I'm still just assuming I'm wrong. Which is what has been programmed into me. Like, over and over I'd share some idea, and people would respond "I dunno about that…" And make no fucking argument at all. It's bald manipulation. There's no fucking reason to tell me that with no justification unless you're trying to use social pressure to force me to conform to you. "You say things like 'are you trying to make me believe that?'" she says, refusing any explanation. There's no reason to refuse unless that is what's happening.

Would it be an improvement to have the confidence to tell the humans I like to go to hell? that what they're doing is bullshit and I don't deserve that treatment?

Though certainly, I shouldn't need to ask. I should be able to make this sort of determination on my own. And in this case, I think so, yeah. If nothing else, trying to understand the gaslighting wasn't ever going to get me anywhere. (That's still a cop-out.) Others have no right to overwrite my judgment. If I'm mistaken, I will learn. And you are welcome to explain why, if you think I'm wrong. But you do not get to overwrite my thoughts. And it is pointlessly harmful for you to try.

Though as I was saying earlier, I really don't have a reason to think others are acting in good faith anymore. Maybe doing harm is the point.

And it doesn't make sense to try and filter myself in a way other would like. (Not that I could do that successfully.) If you don't accept my weirdness then you don't accept me.

No more bending to stupidity. How's that for a resolution?

[serendimplity]

i kind of like the pain of missing you. it's sadistic i know, but how else am i going to keep you in my heart if you're not going to come back? it feels like a part of my heart died in the process of you leaving because i don't have it in me to believe in love anymore. i don't even have hope that i'll be loved in the same way, with the same humor and the same hugs and the same smiles and the same big doe eyes and i'm not angry at the world or you, but so angry at myself for what i've done. i love you so much honey. i miss you in ways i didn't even think i could miss someone. i miss the way you'd text, i miss the cute memes you'd send me at random times during the day so i knew you'd be thinking of me.

i tried to make a list of reasons not to miss you, and the list fell flat. every reason i tried to scrounge up i fought back with a reason why it wasn't a valid reason to let you go or be angry.

i guess the only thing i couldn't rationalize was that nothing changed in your relationships with the women you held close when we were together. it felt like i was just another woman on a list of them but added benefits i guess. you never could understand why i wanted there to be a separation in how you treat other women and how you treat me, and i think that's the one thing that makes me the most sad. i think that's why i was always worried when you were away. you didn't know how to set boundaries with people, and i was worried you were going to do something you'd regret.

every other reason though, was valid yet invalid. i could understand my pain at the time i felt it, but also understood that rationality could have prevented all the pain.

i'm still writing ways to be better and how to have healthier conversations. i didn't realize i had such poor communication skills. i'm gonna be better thanks to you, but i... i guess part of me feels like it's pointless because i don't want to share any of the growth with anyone but you.

love is so silly. i want to be angry and upset at you so i can let go, but when someone loves you properly and warmly, you can't be angry. i can't be mad at you for leaving, i can't be mad that you don't miss me. i'm happy for you. you deserve more than the pain i gave you. i hope the world that you are loved by another better than i did. i hope i never hear about it. i hope you get married and have a cute family, and do all the things we dreamed of when we were together. i hope i can dream of us being happy to tide me over until the world ends. i just want to believe love existed for me. i don't want to love again though, and this is the first time i've felt this way. i've never been so alone, empty and dejected.

i think i'm done loving. i don't have it in me anymore. i want to be selfish and swim in the memories we have together. i think i'll do that for a while. i think i'll continue to be away from the world, in my own little corner of the universe, watching the videos and holding my pictures close to me in bed. i'll live warmly in what used to be our love, tucked away in a corner of the world that no one can touch but me because you're no longer around to watch the memories with me.

[viciouslyrobotic]

Rambles

I recently read a cherp prompt that described one of their characters, who they have as a trans man, as having *my body type*, and yet I reacted with suspicion and disgust about it like it's a bad thing to rp that. Even though I'm in a position where I know I "pass" because my cis older brother has a wasp waist- a teacher we've known since elementary said that once, and I'll never get that out of my head. My cis little brother also has a similar body type to ours. We just have that cinch, and we look incredibly alike to the point I've been mistaken for them by people who know one of my brothers or our family. Which, yes, makes me very lucky as a trans man. I have two walking validations for my presentation as a man.

So it's part observation, part musing,

but there's this undercurrent of body policing in an attempt to weed out chasers/fetishists of trans people in rp that comes from a real place that I keep noticing. That same attempt to weed out overlaps with the "pass" phenomenon where we try to excise any hint of femininity to be perceived as men because the gender binary is weaponized against us. Thus, perceived femininity is tagged as a mark of a "fake" and that is going to bring feelings of shame.

Another anecdote; An ex of mine talked badly of his wider hips and I perceived that as him being ashamed of them, that he was less of a man because of it but he, like my brothers, is a living example of cis men with "feminine" hips.

That ex was also a fetishist and pos for other reasons, and part of his fetish *could* be the factor of feminine traits being taboo for men as masculine traits are taboo for women but I digress; we aren't all Marilyn Monroe Types But Trans and that goes for cis men, too, in a way. Cis men just don't have to fret as much about that comparison because it isn't as severe a condemnation of their gender as it is for trans men and it's honestly not a comparison they really ever have to worry let alone think about because male beauty standards are different.

At the same time though, these perceived "fake" trans men with wide hips in rp spaces could be played by real trans men seeking those who don't treat us like a fetish to safely rp a character *with their own body type* much like I do because representation matters to us as individuals. Assuming that because the body type is hourglass/wasp-waisted they're more likely to be a fetishicizer or faker is kind of fucked up and at least to me seems to be reinforcing that perceived feminine traits are bad/shameful and makes someone *less* of their gender. I also LIKE my hips and thighs by the way, but because of the way femininity is treated regarding trans men, it's Wrong for me to *Like* what should Invalidate Me and Worse for me to admit that. But I grew up with not one but two(2) validations, so maybe that's why I find my hips and thighs to be my most attractive quality and like about myself as a man because at least at home that was never treated as Wrong for my brothers to have.

I agree that there *should* be overall better body diversity in trans male representation because we aren't all That Shape- but this undercurrent of negativity I keep noticing that's specific to my body type keeps nagging at me. So I'm rambling to the void about it. This also isn't meant as an opposition to other body types because bulky, fat, rectangle, etc shaped trans men deserve representation- especially those of color. The Skinny White Trans Boy tends to be ppl's assumption and *not* being skinny, white, or both is weaponized against those who don't fit this narrative.

#text post #vincentllv #i speak #trans men #roleplay #chaser mention #musings #ik im not the only one that has noticed this #society is a thing and we all interact with it #and yet ive also noticed ppl dont like applying critiques of social concepts to real life even though #those concepts #cant exist without individuals interacting #these concepts are active phenomenons within our society and exist on an individual level #guess im ranting in the tags that “we live in a society” bc ive been gaslit for shit like this in the past #anyway #im hungry #im tired #abuse of tags/i