#i just hate this so much it's the last thing i need to do im getting over a cold i couldnt work on it over the weekend bc i was sick

[sunkissed-zegras]

Paige nsfw hcs pls

─ warnings | NSFW under the cut! read at your own discretion!

─ taglist | @xocherishxo @iienstein @yazmunson @euphternal and here's a link to my taglist if anyone would like to join!!

─ ev's notes | the long awaited nsfw headcanons for paigey, i finally got the motivation to write it after i kept reading the INSANE smut yall keep writing (keep it up im lovin it) also this is such a mess, this is just rambling and not organized whatsoever, but wtv i hope yall enjoyed :)

woo, where do i even begin?

let's begin with the obvious, paige is a TOP, i can't stress this enough

i genuinely can't see anyone topping her she's just .... a TOP

but that doesn't mean she won't let you take the reigns every once in awhile, esp after a bad game/tiring practice because everyone once to be taken care of sometimes

i'm def not the first person to say this and certainly will not be the last but STRAP GAME GOES SOOOOO HARD

i feel like at first she's gonna be weirded out cus like... she likes only girls for a reason??? and she has her mouth and fingers??? why would she need a piece of plastic to make her girl feel good???

but the first time y'all try it, she's hooked

she forgets ab her hands after that

jk but like

yeah she's HOOKED

she gets really into it LOL, def can imagine her calling the strap her dick

oh and she fucks HARDDDD like, no room to breathe or anything

like you'll be gasping for air after and she'll be super duper proud

i read this one fic with like the dual ended one (i didn't even know that existed) and then i was like yep, yes this is the oneee

with positions, i can't see her doing anything more than like missionary (cus she loves to see your pretty face) and like from the back

but as soon as she discovers riding, it's OVERRRRR for you

she's making you ride her strap anytime she can, cus she loves it

she has her hands on your hips as she's guiding you and she LOVES IT so fucking much, like the power she has over you makes her go feral

oh and do not get me started on sucking her strap, cus again she loves the power she holds over you

she has your hair in a ponytail and the more you get comfortable with the whole thing, she WILL make you gag

she acts like it's her dick (yeah i know we covered that) but like esp when you're sucking her strap, she will just dirty talk u the entire time

"you like my dick, pretty girl? like gagging on my dick?" cus yeah, u do

oh and yes, she does have breeding kink

it breaks her heart that she can't get you pregnant 😪

but she sure as hell will pretend to!!!!!

will 100% bend you over and just yap about getting you pregnant

also if she's fucking you in missionary, she expects you to look at her the entire time

so if you turn away, she will grab your face and keep you looking straight at her

FUCK IDK WHY THAT'S SO HOT

paige is a D1 yapper i fear, and that would 10000% seep into the bedroom LMAO

mostly praise cus babygirl would feel really bad but when she gets into, she GETS into it

like she will call you her slut as she's about cum

that post-nut clarity goes hard the first time tho cus she's like no way i called my gf a dirty fucking slut 😭😭 she sits with her thoughts for a good 10 minutes trying to recollect herself

she is a munch for sure, like she will eat you out for hours and hours on end (not an exaggeration btw)

but she LOVES when you give back

it makes her go fucking feral when she sees you eating her out, like yessssssssssssss

she has to close her eyes bc if she keeps looking at your face, she WILL cum

she has a bad hair pulling problem, like she will grip your hair so hard your head will hurt after

it's apart of the appeal tho 🎀

her fav spot to get absolutely ate is her gaming chair cus like, she needs you in between her legs giving her support to get that victory royale 💯💯💯

she hates when she gets ass or tits bc she genuinely cannot pick

it depends on the day bc they're both great, she will never pick one

i feel like she's definitely thought ab fucking you in public but she can't risk it

SHES A D1 ATHLETE !!

the only time yall did was in a bathroom at an event and it was SOOO bad afterwards cus everyone could tell

you had to pretend like you didn't get your brains fucked out and paige had to pretend she didn't DO the fucking

but lowkey she enjoyed it a lot, but would she do it again?

maybe, a solid maybe (with the right motivation)

okay but like ....

she def has fingered u while the girls are over cus like, she was in a silly mood?

you just looked too fucking good, she had to

but thank god no one noticed (at least to yalls knowledge...)

she's a horny fuck ARGUE WITH THE WALL

she will get turned on by anything you do, like homegirl is just sooooo down bad for you

you could be applying chapstick and paige will be like "we need to fuck, now."

paige's aftercare is just giving you water and cuddling with you for 10 mis while scrolling on tiktok and then gets up to play fortnite with kk

she literally is the tiktok where it's like "after he rearranges my organs he goes and plays fortnite" i hope yall know what i'm talking about

but you don't mind ofc cus she makes you sit on her lap while playing

but then turns into another round cus shes a horny fuck

paige is all for hickies on YOU but she gets pissed when you give her a hickey cus she's like people are gonna see

like she's the only one who has to deal with the public 🙄🙄🙄

but she loves marking you EVERYWHERE, esp on your collarbone like it's so sexy

oh and god bless you in the summer, the ones on your thighs are getting AIRED OUT bc paige does not care

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

#wcbb x reader #wcbb #ncaaw #uconn huskies #ncaa wbb #women's college basketball #paige buckets #paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers #paige x reader #paige bueckers fanfiction #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers x oc #paige bueckers headcannons #paige bueckers fic #uconn wbb

[msvanillalatte]

Studying and...? Pt. 1

SUGGESTIVE CONTENT! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED

Having to do a project with Mattheo Riddle was a living hell. And not just because you hated him with every inch of your soul, but also because everything had to be his way. You had to meet up with him according to his schedule, write the way he wanted to, and basically, do whatever he told you to. Absolute hell.

You couldn't stand his stupid comments nor the annoying smirk that appeared on his face every time your face went red because of your anger.

"You know, maybe you shouldn't be so sour all the time. Just relax, we've already finished the work." Mattheo said with a cheeky tone, watching you re-reading all the pages and changing stuff.

"Will you please shut up? The last thing I want to do is relax with you." You fired back and sat on your bed to get as much distance as you could from him.

Mattheo's smirk only grew after hearing you. He wouldn't admit it, but secretly, he loved your attitude and the way you didn't care about what he thought of you, and that was something unique.

"Calm down princess, no need to be so rude, you really hurt my feelings." The boy put his hand on his heart and acted offended while smiling from ear to ear.

"Don't call me that." You said, but you knew that deep down, that nickname did sinful things to you. Your thighs instantly closed and your cheeks flushed pink.

Mattheo watched you intensely, and for the love of god, he couldn't stop. You looked like a stressed mess, but really hot. He felt the pressure on his jeans and a smirk appeared on his face when he saw you looking at him in a way you've never looked at him before. With lust.

Slowly, the boy in front of you made his way towards you, and even if you wanted to feel him everywhere, that would be against your principles. Mattheo Riddle was the boy you despised the most, with his snarky remarks and mean comments. But you couldn't stop looking at him. He was handsome, you've always known, but didn't pay much attention to it until now. The way his hair was perfectly fine and his posture radiated confidence had you at his feet.

"Don't come near me, Riddle. Stay over there until we finish going through this papers and then you can leave." The words rushed out of your mouth, desperate to get him as far from you as you could.

"You sure about that? It doesn't seem like you don't want me near you." Mattheo said while pointing with his sight at your clenching thighs...

IM BACKKKKKK. Should I continue this? It's based on a prompt I got, but please let me know if you'd like to keep reading this!!!

SORRY IF I MADE ANY GRAMMAR MISTAKE, ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE!

-MsVanillaLatte

#mattheo riddle x you #mattheo riddle smut #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle #matt riddle #matt riddle smut #harry potter #writing #fanfic #slytherin smut #slytherin boys #golden trio slytherin #golden trio era #slytherin #slytherin boys fic #slytherin boys react

[crush-like-that]

yo same person as the last ask!!! im feeding off your responses actually.

1. solangelo inside jokes?!?!? what abt 👀

2. what do you think their dates consist of mostly lmao

3. dude imagine will going to nico’s cabin after a long and just. flopping down on the bed and screaming into the sheets while nico watches blankly. i think this is common occurrence.

YIPPPIEE!!!

Carebear. If you've read TSATS, you know. If not, Will freaks out and shoots a sunbeam at a monsters. A sunbeam. From his chest. Nico calls Will carebear all the time and Will HATES it (hates it about as much as nico hates 'death breath') Nico gets back into mythomagic and Will will tease him about that, drop hints about it in front of other campers (Nico smacks his arm every time and sends him a death glare) uhmmmmmmmm i dunno... what do you think?

Nico loves to go for walks and picnics. However, he HATES doing it anywhere public, so they have an ongoing thing where they find the most secluded, unheard of picnic spots and hike their. Will loves movie dates. You go to the movies, you "pay attention" (wink wink) (wink wink as will has actually said "wink wink" to nico and nico, still not caught up with many modern trends, does not understand), you go out to eat after. They also like Stay At Home dates! Will never learned to cook because it was never something he needed to do. Nico never learned to cook because he never had the time. They find recipes from sweet old Italian ladies online and try their best to replicate them. They do the same with Will's grandmother's recipe book. As it turns out, Will burns everything he touches and Nico makes an excellent chef.

he SO does this. The first time it happens is actually not on purpose. Will had been overworking himself in the infirmary (as always) and Nico sees this, so he calls Will out and Will denies and says that he's perfectly fine! Nico calls bull and forces Will to lay down in his cabin (Because you know. If Will would try to sleep in his cabin, people would find him and ask more of him. So it's purely out of convenience and the good of Nico's heart.) Will finds out he can take a pretty amazing nap in Nico's cabin, so he runs off to hide in there every time things get to be too much elsewhere.

#asks #will solace #nico di angelo #solangelo #solangelo headcanon

[red-dyed-sarumane]

i need people to start paying me for every time they tell me "oh but ur arts so good ur wasting ur talent u need to do it professionally" wrong i need to do art to draw beautiful characters that not a single other person cares about while feeding every ounce of love i have into my work or to convey thoughts & feelings beyond words and to even think of doing otherwise is to deny my own nature "oh but u can do what u want and then sell it" why is everything about money to you why cant u just enjoy things at what point in ur life did u forget how to have fun

#i hate that this stance is also seen as childish #like i have a full time job & often have mandatory overtime i have income already #if u need to to make ends meet then thats different do what u can to help urself live as comfortably as possible #but holy fuck pleasure as an adult is not limited to sex & money & watching tv #besides u know not a single one of the people who say this are willing to actually pay what the arts worth #its like 'well not me but other people would love it!' yeah okay u know a lot of other people are going to see the #over $100 price tag and go 'i like it but not that much! other people however' like just shut up. honestly. be quiet. #if i speed ran my art and low balled myself to a $15/hour rate the lowest would still be like $120 #which is not worth it AT ALL bc i just paid MORE to sit on my ass & look at eggs #and. again. is underselling myself for both experience & time. but people think $80 full body comms are too expensive #do u think im so stupid to not expect to get scammed when even 'easy' things are over $100 #but no ur right why would i have fun with something when i could instead cause myself infinite stress over it perfect thanks #do not give me advice about doing comms i do not want to do comms #if u see me doing comms im in a very dire situation. like thats a last resort for me.

[robotsafari]

i havent even watched legacy yet but that fucking kh world did some.. unexpected things to me

#beep boop you want fries with that #kingdom hearts #re:ddd #sora #quorra #tron #riku #was trying to redesign rinzler’s helmet bc god. its. kinda fucking boring. leaning into the beast more #also teh helmets eyes are supposed to look angry when its down and sad when its up. bwaaa #i heard rinzler acts like a cat. thats soemthing to look forward to when i watch the movie. grins. #the three dots are supposed to be the classic t. btw. #theres four you just cant see the last one. #made sora look more liek his space paranoids look because he needs to retain the 80s swag. #this reads like a change log. #and my good friend quorra. idk if i’ve even posted that redesign b4. #yes im making her quote the ur my pockets eddie post #i think she needs to chew on things. maybe she should maul clu with her fucking teeth. #shes so unorthadox girl to me. do you see my vision. #also dw about riku falling or paralelling tron or anything hes fiiine. #speaking of the falling art. its old. so its inaccurate to how i draw riku now #before my brain was huge basically. #its so funny how i drew this much art for legacy like. i love tron 1982. i havent watched legacy yet but i feel like im gonna hate it. #the kh world was okay but it had a lot of potential and. uh. made me a BIT insane at the last part in sora’s story (EXPLODES) #also this post is tagged re:ddd for. reasons. dw about it. #ANYWAY GN ITS 1 AM. RUNS AT MACH SPEED.

[pendraegon]

why is pete wentz important to me?? like him, i was a non white kid who grew up in a very white neighborhood in the chicagoland area and it was exhausting and isolating and so so so lonely it could make your teeth hurt. like him, i’m bipolar and no one has ever quite gotten close to describing what my highs and lows are like, but he’s the only one who has gotten close. (do you know what it's like being so so so manic and you know you're not okay and everything rushes around you and you feel like you're on top of the world but you know it's all a lie? an illusion? do you know what it feels like to plummet down so so so so deep and dark and there's nothing but you and that gaping ache inside of you, reminding you just how hollow and fake you are?) like him, i grew up enthralled and obsessed with rock, punk, the hardcore scene of chicago, and there was nothing and no one there for people like me and people who looked like me in a place and sound that i loved more than anything on earth. i saw him reflected in me and in the most non creepy parasocial way possible, he has been one of the most incredible influences of my life. maybe even one of the possible sunshines of my lifetime for all he is still a stranger to me, and i to him.

#for legal reasons as a joke — we’re also both bi. #but he means the WORLD to me. forever and always. #do NOT try to come at me with pete wentz slander i will kill you. sorry for not shutting up about this. im just incredibly annoyed. #he's not infallible. he's made so many mistakes in his life. and im not excusing any of them but you know #i wonder why pete gets SO much virulent hate and always has. might be the racism and ableism. but who knows. not me! #anyways stream mania by american rock band fall out boy (2018). legit life changing fucking album. also stream #their newest album so much (for) stardust. actually stream all their albums they're all so so so so good. i don't know who i'd be or where #i'd be without em. fall out boy forever and ever<3 fall out boy is for lovers<3 #also one last thing: you don't need to like him! you don't need to like fob either! it's just so so so wild the way misinfo about pete #specifically still exists. in fucking 2023. like get a fucking grip babes i was deep in those fucking forums in 2008 i know what's up. #okay. i hope you guys are ready im going to spam patrick images i think. what can i say. i miss them without a concert to look forward to.

[aria0fgold]

So that's... the power of Luocha e1... I get it now. I am now a lil less salty from losing my 75/25.

#aria rants #was doing the new world 9 of su without geppie (very nervously too cuz im not used to not having a shielder) #but am like. well i have luocha e2 so maaaaaybe itll be fine? still nervous cuz the last boss of world 9 is the smth unto death #and i just KNOW im gonna have a hard time with that thing. well... turns out i didnt... luocha e1 is so good actually #i had ratio. himeko. bronya (oh yea and her lc i got FROM THE 75/25 LOST. i think that contributed too actually). and luocha #my ratio is decently built but still weaker than my argenti thats so far my strongest in su (esp g&g with the erudition path) #took elation path. got to the last boss with pretty okay blessings. it didnt stand a chance... it didnt actually get much of a turn... #first time i got to do that with an su boss ngl! i never got to kill em fast enough but i managed now! yippee!!! maybe losing that #75/25 wasnt so bad after all. my bronya is stronger with her buffs (i dont... i dont have any other buffer than her...) and my #luocha can finally give buffs AND shield! my team is looking pretty good. (yea since my luck is bad i couldnt get ruan mei and sparkle) #i think ratio's banner was during ruan mei's banner? and i had to get his lc (i needed him to be strong for imaginary dps) #and i couldnt try for sparkle much cuz i was planning on going for aven (which as you can see. my plans went terribly with luocha rerun) #im still gonna try for aven cuz i need another shielder than geppie and aven's kit seems to be the right fit for my ratio #back to the saving board...... hsr rng i hate you but also i cant hate you enough cuz tbf my team DID get stronger a bit...

[vikings-til-valhalla]

I beg the Gods for mercy and am given greater suffering instead. My faith does not waver. I know I am seen. My pain would not be so unbearable if They ignored me. I beg Them to just take me away already so this body stops aching and I no longer feel anything. They leave me here for a lifetime of pain and agony that only worsens with each day. I can do nothing. My silence to the Gods would be better, but I feel like swearing to the Nine Realms and their inhabitants until someone, anyone, comes to help. But I doubt with every passing day that I will ever receive any...

#i lost my insurance and am having the absolute worse lupus flare in my entire life and i cant see a doctor about it #i have never hurt so bad in all my entire life and i am screaming and crying literally like im dying #mun is a viking #not vikings #the insurance company btw doesnt give a fuck that my mother calls them several times daily for weeks on end #they dont care she is on the phone for hours every time and that she sends in paperwork emails faxes etc constantly #its never the right person who receives these things and there is no fucking right person its just that nobody fucking wants to do shit #id go to the hospital but the last thing my family needs is more hospital bills #we already have to pay for my mothers bills for being in and out over the last 3 months straight #plus the likely uninsured helicopter ride that saved her life and will cost more than the 40 days of stay she spent there #i cant take this i hate this i hate being alive like this why do i have to feel so much agony

[munamania]

so guys um. really fun update as a result of me once again being really good at understanding and responding to social situations. im pretty sure the friend im seeing is convinced we r like in a relationship or About to be and im just now realizing the extent of that and how quickly im slamming the brakes/going to attempt for smth more casual. um.. girl help

#soooo once again i hate gay people #abby talks #KIDDING. obvi. but um. some reflection has certainly been interesting. #like things got so intense so fast. why were they like telling people including a PROFESSOR about us going out on a single date #and when it initially happened i was just like well... idk shrug. and. yeah just all very fast #i think they had or have developed a serious crush which is like sweet and theyre still very sweet. its just very intense #like the amount they texted when i just didnt answer overnight.... #OH MY GOD and i forgot when i split from my friends last night im like 80% sure they were on campus #and tried to like hide their face. like... why. it doesnt have to be this odd huh??? #just cause i wasnt rlly answering while i was out? #idk. idk! #anyway im going to be very kind and respectful when we have this conversation but. yeah. nervy #wish i could do it over text but i dont think that's right idk... also we have so many mutual friends and just circles #i really dont need it to get weird. and it really really doesnt have to be yk. im hoping theyre chill and obv i dont want to hurt them #ok yeah doesnt help to stress so much over it. it's just creeping up on me the signs i sorta missed #thinking they also were open to smth casual. well i suppose really long dates and my general nerves abt trying to date again didnt help #oh my god when they said they missed my face after not hanging out for like. a day. and i was just like haha cool #not literally but LOL

[new-bird-song]

One thing ive been thinking about lately is that like

Its okay to only ever make bad art. Its okay to only paint "boring" things or only draw the same thing a million times or only be "okay" at sewing or crochet. Sometimes i think theres this idea that its okay to make bad art because its part of the process of making good art, but i think its fine to make art that is bad or just okay and not keep looking at it thinking about ways it is flawed or ways to make it better. If you want to improve and grow, thats great and you will through the process of just doing something over and over or looking for advice or other ways of learning.

But its also totally okay to only ever want to make bad art

#art #delete later #idk ive been thinking a lot about how like #for the last few years the vast majority of my art has been drawing d&d characters largely by tracing over refs #and just drawing the same things over and over #because it makes me happy! #and sometimes i just see this come off as like. a way to moralize taste/lack of satisfaction with how your work turned out #because that peice doesnt matter its just one step on the way to making better ones #but if you only ever make lumpy pottery thats fine! you made a lumpy pottery! #like my great aunts house is covered in paintings shes made #and theyre not to my taste they feel kinda generic and bland to me #but she is showing more of her art in her house than i am in mine and im like. which of us is happier as an artist #value your art where it is #especially if its a fucking hobby! jesus christ! #if its a hobby do you want to spend so much time and energy hating it you dont enjoy it anymore? fuck! #like i just finished a sweater and now a part of me wants to break fom knitting/crochet for a bit bc ive been working hard at it for a whil #and it turned out fine but with some fit issues i know to fix in future projects #but idk #i need to allow myself the freedom to let bad art be completed art #anyway this got weirdly sentimental #i should go paint some weird fish now #also from my own experience. it helps me appreciate other artists more #because it helps me stop going oh i could do that/could never do that #and i can just go. wow look at the cool art and technical skill on display

[rinofwater]

So was anyone gonna tell me that too much caffeine can worsen depression or was I supposed to figure that out for myself after sipping too much 'self-loathing bastard' juice?

#personal #ive been deep in my feels the last few days #and ive been sitting here like where the fuck is this even coming from i cut out all the stressors hello #am i just predisposed to hate myself forever??? #no #ive been having too much cold brew #and i know this because i wake up today with an obnoxious ass headache as if im having caffeine withdrawals #even though i had a latte yesterday just not the cold brew #the cold brew thats got waaaaaaaay more caffeine per serving than the latte (and i usually end up having about two servings in one go) #and you know what? the self-loathing bastard energy just aint slapping today somehow #just the damn headache and some vague queasiness #(and annoyance at how my new curtains for my room are doing a piss poor job of staving off the evil hate orb but that's a different thing) #and its like okay i know caffeine can worsen anxiety and it can have the opposite expected effect for folks with adhd #is there a link with depression too? #studies say...yeah there might be a link especially if youre already predisposed to it #so uh #yeah today i learned i guess #i need to take that snide self-deprecating remark off my sideblog too...whoops

[orcelito]

Omfg I never actually posted about this but just like 2 days ago I realized that no it is Not normal to experience lightheadedness near daily when I've gone just a little too long without eating

I looked it up and apparently lightheadedness/dizziness CAN be a part of fibromyalgia (which I think I have for a number of different reasons), so like. It all makes sense.

Fuckin fibromyalgia. It's the source of like 95% of my physical problems, I swear. Every Damn Thing can be traced back to it. What a pain.

#speculation nation #'what a pain' haha get it bc chronic pain #frankly speaking the chronic pain part of it isn't the Worst. it's only a few times a month that i get my arm and leg aches #(though sometimes ill have bouts that last longer. like in january i think when i had arm aches for over a Week) #then again my rib cartilage inflammation is a permanent thing. my ribs Always are fucked up. #and i dont know 100% that it's bc of fibro but this condition has been linked to fibro and it didnt go away with anti-inflammatories So #in the end the pain isnt my biggest concern for treating my fibro. aside from the frequent headaches. i Would like to counter those. #what i really need is help with my chronic fatigue and weakness spells #i hate how fragile i feel so much of the time. bc im NOT weak. for my size im actually surprisingly strong. #but im quick to tire and if i push myself too hard then im practically bedridden #i will literally get symptoms of sickness if im too fatigued. including nausea and coughing and headaches #all fixed after ive gotten some rest. so im not Actually sick. #im tired and fed up with how finicky my body is and how i have to eat on time always or i'll be threatened with passing out. #havent passed out Yet but ive had some times where i end up Having to sit bc i get tunnel vision and my scalp is prickling #and it feels like my brain is squeezing and i know i Have to sit down Right Now #idk. there are many things like this. and i am sooooo tired of it. #i want a fibro diagnosis so i can actually get some help for the things that make life so hard to live. #im not depressed im just chronically fatigued. and so very tired. #give me some Energizing Meds or smth. help me please 😭😭😭 i hate living like this 😭😭😭😭😭 #i wanna be able to do things without being bedridden for the rest of the day 😭😭😭😭 please 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[seventh-district]

i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)

#Seven’s Public Diary #vent #vent post #cw vent #cw vent post #cw health #cw heart #i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it #i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help #sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me #he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me #sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree #have i Ever actually relaxed #hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch #anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things #a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal #so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now #and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser #i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever #if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked #all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is #every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse #anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches #‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now #i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC #which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it #i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead #anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t. #it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about #i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #once again yearning but not willing to do anything about it :))))))))) #i was FINE until i had to talk about it last night. i didnt Expect to talk about it. oh god oh god #but then HHHHHHH i hate that i talk about it so much. and i KNOE the answer is to just tell him i like him #or to ask him out but !!!!@@ #im not ready !!! #i need to get a job first. like im so serious Zbfjfjdjdjjd #bc if i tell him or ask him... REGARDLESS of his answer. o im gonna be distracted #and i will not have my future ruined by a guy. nooo fuckin WAY. #and like !!@@ hes working so much anyway. like we're talkin unpaid overtime #but hes hung out with me (and other ppl) twice regardless.... but still HDJDJDJFJ #ugh idk #im so tired of thinking about this #im worried i'll ruin my chances the more i dont act. but its like.... GOD IDK. i like him so much its like. debilitating ???????? #is that the right word idk #i just.... i think im not ready #and if he moves on then ok that sucks but then at least i'll have an answer....???? #god idek #and like one of my friends got asked out by 2 different guys n im like HFJFJJFJFJDJDJDJDJ #GOD. this man is never gonna ask me out. like i think hes Shy. im so. IDK. im also older. like. i think im gonna have to make th3 move #but i wanna be SURE about it. bc like relationships are scary #and i dont wanna start something im not ready for #im kinda hoping that things will happen 'naturally' like they have all along hhhhhhhh

[belladonnafleur]

I hate people with dreams because I wish I could give up mine !!

#this isnt' meant to be a deep post im just screaming into the void #im back in the city and there is just this deep sense of dread and I wish I could call my friends and talk abt it but everyone who would #understand is too busy #I have one fren who I think mite but shes busy #I have one midterm this week and im still scared of my prof even tho ik she means well and I rightfully pissed her off last last week #I want to leave the committee I work for completely #I want to leave this school completely!! #aaaaaaaaaaa #I want to go grad school #I also just look online and I wish I went to a diff school than this one #bc my family does NOT have the money for this school if Id just waited and gone somewhere else I would not be in this much DEBT #ik i was in a tough situation a few yrs ago and HAD to just pick a school + get out #but still #I think just. if my life events hadn't been so shit and bad #if I hadn't been in such a Bad place during and after the pandemic id be at a diff school #one that didn't make me feel so BAD and one that didn't put me in so much debt #some of why im pissed off and anxious is lit my fault #I burned some bridges and hurt ppl and pissed them off!! #but yn when u make a mistake and everyone around u will def define u by it #bc me rn #I just need to leave and not come back #or if I do not come back for a long time #I wish I could pack my shit and do the rest of the sem online #the only thing I'd miss is choir bc I love it #all of my friends (most of) are in choirrrr #its the way choir is the only thing that makes me feel good I hATE everything else

[liquidstar]

maaannnn The Fatigue has been so bad lately i just want this day to be over so i can sleep. theres literally not anything else i could do... but i have to wait...

#i hate it so much im too tired all the time. i do not know what it feels like to not be tired. i dont remember the last time i wasnt tired. #i dont think i was ever not tired genuinely. even as a little kid i remember being tired to my core #the kind of tiredness you feel tingling in your bones dragging on you everywhere you go and in everything you do. its always with me #i wanna clarify that this is a symptom of the type of thalasemia i have and not exactly chronic fatigue syndrome though. but comparable. #i just wanna say that so ppl dont get the wrong idea. but yeah. #i havent really gotten a proper break in weeks and like. i NEED those breaks i feel like my body genuinely cant keep going like this #so i just need to be officially off the clock so i can go sleep and hopefully i can get some legit rest in the coming days #idk fingers crossed bc i fear ill collapse otherwise LOL! (not funny) #and all things considered i have a pretty cushy gig rn! esp considering i dont pay rent and stuff since im like a live-in sitter #but i dont think i was built to be able to hold down any type of proper job. and this wont last forever. i dont know what ill do from here #im too eepy