#i havent made a long post with my thoughts in like 5 years lmao

[dtheshadows]

Ok, it's time to post about my opinions on the different relationships, so I'm not doing so in the middle of the night when I'm supposed to be sleeping.

To start off, I just want to say that these are all just my own opinions at the moment of posting, and I'm not trying to drag anyone for what they ship. People can enjoy what they want even if I'm just meh on it.

Crystal and Charles

Alright, so let's get this one out of the way first. I appreciate how the show kind of portrayed this as them going to each other for comfort more than for love. That being said, if this shows' goal was to make me think they were going to be an endgame pairing, then it failed. I think that they'll have their thing, but settle on just being friends, and that can still be beautiful. I just don't see it working out in the long term with Crystal being alive, and I don't feel like she is going to die. The show works well with her being alive and the boys being dead. Half the comedy is her interacting with the boys while everyone else just stares at her like wtf. They could very much be right person wrong time.

Monty and Edwin

I really like Monty. I love him, and that scene with him and Edwin on the swings was so sad. I don't know how much further this pair could go with Monty being a bird again, but I want to hope he can return. I feel like there is a little more to explore with this being that they were each others first kiss, and it could be cute, but not endgame.

Cat King and Edwin

I'm very meh on this one, unfortunately. I can see the appeal, but it just doesn't read to me, and I tried getting into it. I don't think they'll be endgame, but this one has the 2nd most potential.

On a separate note, this is the pairing that also makes me question why they didn't age the characters further. I feel like how ghosts mature after death needs to be explained a bit further. Otherwise, I see this being quite a fandom divider, and there has already been some division. Again, though, ship what you want. I literally don't care because these are fictional characters.

Charles and Edwin

Obviously, this is the big one. I adore this ship, and it has the potential to be exceedingly beautiful, whether it ends in friendship or romance. I, for one, want it to be canon because I would love to get a queer slowburn best friends to lovers romance arc for once. I feel like I never see long-standing male friendship that becomes romantic. It's either they've become close because they are into each other, or they were friends, but not best friends, and it always happens in a single season. I will say as well though that if they just remain friends I'd be perfectly fine with it as long as they revisit the possibility of it happening, because you can't have Charles say what he does in response to Edwin's confession and not revisit. Like the chapter isn't closed yet.

#dead boy detectives #i finally tried to put my thoughts into words and i feel like its just word vomit #i havent made a long post with my thoughts in like 5 years lmao #also i didnt mention crystal/niko because i dont really have much to say on it #ive seen people suggest that niko is aro/ace and i kind of feel like that fits #let me know yalls thoughts though uwu #shadow post #ps im shaking lol #putting my thoughts out there for people to judge and respond to is nerve racking orz

[watchyourbuck]

20 questions for fic writers!

tagged by @wikiangela @thewolvesof1998 & @lover-of-mine thank you guys!!!🥺🫶🏼

How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 14, although it certainly feels like more bc i have compilations of drabbles

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

I have 111.881 words.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

As of right now, I'm only writing for 911, but I used to write for spn, suits and the mcu. the only one of those i see myself going back to is spn, the others are long gone obsessions.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(the ones that arent linked are bc i dont really like them anymore). Louis' Little Word Play (Pair: Marvey form Suits). Dangerous Posession (MCU). To fall for a stark (MCU). A Night to Remember (Pair: Marvey from Suits). I'll Guide You Through (Buddie).

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, I respond to them all! Im pretty sure ive missed some along the years tho.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i feel like i have only one with an angsty ending and its bc i used to think they all had to have a happy ending dfghjjhgfg anyway, its my latest one Not your fault (but mine)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Its an MCU one, they end up getting married lmao.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

sometimes but its not a lot. sometimes id write something unrealistic within the rules of the AU and they would criticize me but i usually just took it as cc.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes ma'am, a lot LMAOO. I have written pretty much anything, including watersports (which are not my thing but i had it as a request). Only thing ive never written is r*pe or cnc, and skat. no thank uuu.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i dont believe i have. i wrote a foursome once but they were all from the same world.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not a fic per se, but an idea.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! One time to russian and one time to spanish. i felt really authory FGHJHGH. literally felt like i had made it lmaoo.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I had a big project with one of my mcu friends from back in the day but we never did it.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

i think destiel and buddie. they’ve been my roman empire.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

It was a high school AU for the mcu. i loved it so, but i dont really enjoy the mcu anymore and i just dont have it in me.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think im very good at descriptions of both place and thoughts. i feel like i used to be really good at smut bc i would write so much of it lmao. i hope i still got it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing something, for once. wrapping up is also really hard. happy endings that dont feel like a low budget romantic movie (im a rejection-aro bro lmao).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Well spanish is quite easy bc its my mother language. other than that, if its not one of the 8 i speak, then i wouldnt feel comfortable unless i have someone fluent helping me (not google).

19. First fandom you ever wrote for?

i wanna say spn (destiel) but i never posted it bc it wasnt very good (i was 15 and my english wasnt as good as it is rn), but i did end up posting a destiel fic this year (my first!): The way it should've been

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

okay so my favorite fic so far is the Prince AU (buddie), which i havent finished nor posted. i literally have written 2 chapters of it but its just... my baby. now posted posted i think its the one i just linked in the prior question. i just love the way i portrayed each of the character's thoughts.

tags! (no pressure tho): @housewifebuck @eddiebabygirldiaz @eddiediaztho @forthewolves @fortheloveofbuddie @butraura @honestlydarkprincess @hippolotamus @fionaswhvre @wildlife4life @disasterbuckdiaz 💗✨

#I’ve written questionable stuff tbh #in my defense I was 17 #either way I’m happy with my fandom life now #buddie #911 fox #911 #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 tv show #evan buck buckley #buck x eddie #buck and eddie #911 abc

[entiish]

Hi! I’m a different anon than you responded to, and I get absolutely everything that you’re saying about not everyone being good and moral because I have seen it over on Twitter, but idk how much of the rpg community writes for fandoms, but over here on the indie side there is so much writing for fandoms, and many of the fandoms that get a lot of traction are YA media like Legacies for example, or more recently House of the Dragon. And while a lot of people do seem to make their own icons, it’s wild to me seeing resources made like that for public use while also expecting writers to essentially not write the characters those faceclaims play, you know what I mean? and on an unrelated but similar note: people making resources from shows that feature darker content but saying people cant use them for the exact same content featured but i digress The dissonance is just funny over all to me, because while I absolutely agree whole heartedly that the people who are gross are gross, they’re not going to stop, and they’ll just go private with everything if they feel they need to to stop people from going after them.

hi, it's skye.       (related to this post)  hola friendo, and ty for the support. i have actually never rper outside of tumblr, so i have no clue what happens in twitter world. BUT, you're actually right on my train of thought yk? one of the things that is so hard to mitigate is the fandom love, i'm one of them straight up and down. i haven't dabbled in a straight fandom character (i have made OCs in the world though, or a rpg set in the world) in a long, long time. given i haven't dipped into that world in ages idk what its like on tumblr, i have been OC'ing it up for at least 5 years now. however i do agree that if you are making resources for underage actors in lead roles, read: ya lit and fandoms, medieval fandoms, high school ones too, it's absolutely wild to not allow someone to use them. there needs to be a clear standard that the content creators set out and i def think i have seen some people on HOD packs note that they ask that people not use the underage FC in taboo and nasty stuff, which can be difficult in that genre, but i know firsthand it is completely avoidable. if someone has a blanket rule for all their content, its kinda unfair to make a pack that goes against their statements and lowkey tantalise people in that way. i personally havent seen it, but i can sympathise with the frustration.

the fandom issue is super hard, because that blanket rule does technically include many of our favourites. i have a legion of characters i would love to play or play again, but the rules have made it a bit harder from what i can tell. i'd be curious how admins of these fandom rpgs handle it, i'm certain they're still out there. like... how could you leave hogwarts behind?? when it comes to the indie verse, i have also spent a few years there and actually came to love it. independent writers who make their own resources and the like have a lot more freedom, they are bound by their own rules and it's by those rules that people find mutuals and thread partners. from what i remember, its a system that worked and gave AMPLE room for fandom characters (i played canon characters from YA fandoms in the indie verse actually). again though, i haven't been back in that community so i can't speak on it now.

i think the general vibe, when it comes/came to fandoms, is that if it is a universe bound in young adult land (again, i'm thinking hogwarts as my example), there is room for movement because they are real characters in a real world and we just get to create a group fanfic lmao. if it were me and i was running a RPG in that world, i think i would model mine off the later years (senior? i think americans call it? the last two years) because it's more realistic for a 17 year old to experiencing their own maturity. we all did it. i do not condone using underage actors for smut, lbc, however first kisses and dates? these are acceptable moral issues to handle in that young adult fandom realm. but i would tackle it with great care and great planning, some people will try and push the boundaries sadly. someone with recent knowledge will have to lmk whats the deal 🙏🏾 but look genuinely i cant speak for the fandom side, i think i outgrew the desire to rp in the YA fandom in general, i love the worlds though but i don't vibe with characters that (for me) are a decade younger than myself.

i also agree that whoever is doing the Bad Shit will continue, its such a shitty fact of life, but i have to believe that if we manage to force them into a private space at least we won't be exposed to it and therefore avoid potentially triggering content coming across and impacting our mental health. i'm lucky enough to not have a visceral reaction to written content, but many many many ppl are not that fortunate. we just gotta work together when this happens, and if not, simply block and move on if nothing else. sometimes thats all we can do. protect ourselves and hopefully, each other.

LASTLY tho, by darker themed shows are you talking like... saw franchise? horror vibes? blood/gore? or like a sexual thriller? thats just where my mind goes to be honest. i'm probably missing something lmao so fill me in if so!! but i sincerely do not understand the concept of making a gifpack from a 'darker themed' show/movie and then... not allowing someone to portray darker or mature themes? isn't that kind of redundant? i made two gif packs from a martial arts action film and i wouldn't disallow people from portraying fighting/violence because... that was the genre i giffed? personally, i havent seen it happen, but i do believe you. of course 'darker themes' can obvs mean different things to everyone, everyone has their own boundaries and standards of belief, but like... don't make a gifpack of a Heavy Topic show/movie and then disallow people to utilise the pack, aesthetics or role it was of that actor. that seems hella silly on face value 🥴

#high skye reply*

[thompsborn]

I’ve been steadily going through your ao3 these past few days and I’d just like to say that I really appreciate your writing and your works. They’ve really cheered me up recently and every fic feels like a treat!! They’ve even gotten me to open up tumblr for the first time in months just to send this.

This ask would get way too long if I talked about every fic of yours I’ve read and reread recently so I’ll just choose one series. Harley and Peter parenting Miles in “to build a family” is all I’ve ever wanted and every scene made me smile. The Flash redemption arc was super well done. And not to mention the amazing world building.

Seriously, thank you again!! I hope you have a lovely day/night !

i’m at work so i can’t take the time i want to take to properly word a response but also i don’t want to wait to answer this and risk losing some of my initial thoughts and feelings in reaction so i’m sorry if this is a short response or seems clipped or not proper but i just !!!! i’m going to cry my friend

i think it’s easy, sometimes, for me to forget that the fics i post can mean to other people what some of my favorite fics mean to me. like, i have favorite fics that have literally altered my course in life—that have made me change a perspective i used to have or see things in a new way from before. there are fics i’ve read to pull through some of my worst nights and fics i have read literally 100+ times because i love it so much or because it means so much to me or whatever reason i may have for that specific fic—either way, it’s a significant standing point in my life. i have spent so many minutes and hours, collectively probably months worth, of my time on a handful of the same fics. and the things i write and the fics i post could have the same meaning to someone else?

bonkers. absolutely BONKERS.

i won’t ramble about that i just can’t wrap my head around it but it’s !!! so heart warming and makes my chest feel so full and happy oh my god

as for the to build a family series!! i’m super slow at updating it now that the rest of the plot is being told through shorter fics—like so far i don’t have any plans for another 5/6 chapter fic for tbaf, mostly just one shots and two shots—but even though i can be slow to update it that series literally. i love it so much. it means so much to me

homeward bound is definitely my passion project and is probably my new favorite thing that i have ever written—which is ironic because i haven’t updated it in like a month ?? a few weeks for sure because life got crazy and march is both the best and the WORST month of my life every year lmao but anyway not the point—the point is that while homeward bound is currently my #1 favorite of my fics, to build a home is, quite fittingly, like coming home whenever i write it, and honestly i go back and reread it semi regularly as well. partially to make sure i remember it all and havent forgotten any details for the sake of writing the next part (eventually,,,, slowly,,,,,) but also because that series was started during what was to this day probably my second lowest point mentally, and i started writing the first fic as an irondad character study piece and then found out about parkner when i was only a couple scenes in (which is why harley doesn’t have any scenes until like 1/4 or so of the way through the first chapter fun fact) and it just !! it was all pulled out of my ass but it was EVERYTHING to me and it was perfect and i still adore it even if it isnt my favorite thing i’ve ever written. and a shocking amount of people have said insanely kind things about tbaf before and it’s just insane to me that people seem to like it so much. i’m so glad but also WOAH ??? woah

idk i just. i’ve always written for me—the only time i’ve written for the sake of other peoples expectations and requests over my own ended with me not writing for damn near two years, to which i owe the IT fandom for bringing me out of that horrible writers block hell in 2017/2018 bc i literally stopped writing end of 2015 and did not write anything until i decided to write a reddie fic. and that taught me to write for ME but to keep readers in mind for the sake of being respectful and being BEYOND grateful when ppl say such nice things that i struggle to understand is purely genuine because how ?? how did my little gay words have impact or hold meaning ???

i’m rambling so hard and i’m STILL at work so i’m gonna stop but just 🥺🥺🥺 this ask just melted me and made my tear up a lot idk bro im fragile

#i did in fact cry a little btw #im going to add a screenshot of this ask to my folder of favorite comments i’ve ever gotten abt my writing/my fics #thank u whoever sent this genuinely whole heartedly entirely #the past month ish has been a mess mentally and literally and i havent been on top of writing during it #but this made me want to go home and write the next tbaf one shot and finish the next homeward bound chapter #i’m just ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[emmy--chu]

Its been 5 years....

So on 09/07/2016, i made this blog, aka the first social media i had without my mom or family knowing. Initially I made a blog bc i was so focused to askblogs back then. Back then, so many ask blogs are active, i was around the hetalia fandom. I made my own blog too, but now it lays untouched after the many attempts of restart. So in the end i ended up decided to use it for my art, which i havent posted any lmao.

5 years ago was the time i started learning and using digital art, 5 years later i have upgraded from my old asus phone and medibang to my new acer laptop and wacom tablet with CSP EX. so many things has happened that it feels like its surreal. my art has improved, my self-esteem slightly so, and i have become more optimistic than i was back then.

5 years ago, i was a timid girl who had no idea what self freedom was. 5 years later, I am a nonbinary bitch who won't give any shit bc i am too damn tired to care.

5 years ago i refuse to cry, now i wish i can cry freely and feel smth lmao

5 years is a long time but it feels like it was yesterday i was edgy teen girl who's lonely asf. now I may still be lonely, but i have a couple of friends that I can go crazy with.

5 years ago i dreamed of moving out, even now i still do. I might have that chance if I play my piece right.

i never thought i'd lived thru more than 5 years but here i am, kinda proud but still struggling with life.

let's make thru another 5 years, shall we?

#emmy talks #idk what this is #i just feel super sentimental lmao #i just woke up too and its 3 pm LMAO #i missed the 5th year anniversary of this blog bc it was yesterday sdfhjdsgf #anyway to whomever see this #your cool and ilu /p #hope u have a nice day :D

[yeoldontknow]

❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

#check in tag

[hunbomb]

roommate! jaemin

i hope u guys like this one! i do :) 

warning: not proofread LMAO

jaemin: a huge flirt

like we been knew sis okay bUt its not like it defines him ya kno??? like yes he is a flirt but its not like he does it purposely

however that doesn’t stop every single girl from liking him

except for u cause you’re ~not like other girls~

jk you are 

cause who wouldn’t find na jaemin attractive?? tf???

okay but like the dealio between you and jaemin is that you are best friends 

and you have a fat crush on him (u have since the beginning of highschool LOL)

luckily for you, although jaemin is a flirt, he isnt interested in any girls so he doesnt bring any to your dorm

and even if he did, he would tell u because it would be shitty not to 

anyway

so u met in grade nine and yalls friendship popped TF off right away like you joined nomins duo and made it a trio in the span of 4 months and everyone was like???? this mf got that close to them that fast???? mastery

jeno was like ur brother from another mother fr

you and him told eachother everything and sometimes he would tell you things he wouldnt even tell jaemin. like everyone has those people that although theyre close w, there are some things you’d never tell and that goes for jeno and jaemin

jaemin never told jeno he listens to taylor swift

and jeno never told jaemin that he watched all of my little pony friendship is magic on netflix

but since you and jeno shared some personal things w eachother, you obviously told him about your crush on jaemin

and since you had a crush on jaemin, you never got like super super close with him just cause ur feels got in the way 

mainly just you never got as close to jaemin as you did jeno

sure you were bffs, but it wasn’t on such an intimate level

cause everytime jaemin would look your way you’d be gasping for air

so timeskip to senior year

everything is great

your friendship is still strong af and you guys are all planning for post secondary

jaemin and you get into the same uni right.... and jeno gets into the one the town over so your friendship wont take that much damage

but!!! jaemin wants to room with you!!! and ur like!! fucufejdsk!!!

cause like ofc you want to who wouldnt????? but you have such a massisve crush on him you dont want it to get in the way of not only yours but also jaemins university experience

you say yes tho and next thing you know youre unpacking all your stuff

the dorm is kind of small like there isnt a lot of space,,,,, theres two bedrooms but the beds literally take out the whole room HAHHAHA and then there is a chill space with the kitchen connected and u and jaemin have to share a washroom LOL

“jaemin what the FUCK did you eat??? beans??? i bet it was beans this shit smells so bad i-”

“it really do be ya own friends sometimes” -jaemin 2020 :((((((

anyway so like university life is good you and jaemin invite jeno over every weekend for a sleepover and vice versa its so cute GAH

but like,,,, here’s where the drama comes in

one day you are facetiming jeno and youre telling him about how you really like jaemin and blah blah ya know the usual

and youre not really looking at the screen cause youre doing your homework and focusing on that but jeno sees in the back that jaemin has fully entered the room

and you dont notice cause hes silent and your still talking but jeno is trying to get your attention UDHSJIA

and when he does you see in your part of the screen jaemin just,,,, standing there

cue you ending the call with jeno SO FAST and turning around like oH i thought you had classes right now?

“.... they ended early”

“i see” ://////////

you like get up super fast and just walk around him and go into your roomm shutting the door 

poor jaemin is just like “what”

cause to be honest he never really considered this situation ever happening yah he thought you were prettier than most girls and he liked the way you were able to talk to people so easily but he never would have thought you harboured feelings for him

so he kind of just leaves it be cause he knows that you def dont want to talk about it and is willing to wait for you to be the one who brings it up

so time skip to dinner youre both just eating in silence but you dont like it,,,

“what i said was true” you say and jaemin looks up and he knows where this convo is going but he lets you speak

“i didnt ever plan on telling you because i really like our friendship but i guess i wasn’t careful enough”

your heart is beating hella fast but you try to look unbothered and its going pretty good until jaemin asks you something

“how long have you felt this way?”

OKAY like it shouldnt be a big deal to tell him bc you already exposed yourself but for some reason that question just hit you deep cause you realized that youve liked him for so long and he never felt the same ya know

“i dont know,,, since the start of highschool? when we became friends i always thought you were cute and it just turned into a full blown crush”

jaemin just sort of nods in response “oh okay”

so that night your just laying in your bed full of regrets

you know things are about to be super duper awkward between you and jaemin and you wish it didnt have to be like that

so over the next couple of weeks its more awkward than it has ever been before and the sleepovers with jeno seem so divided 

its either jeno and you or jeno and jaemin its never the three of you anymore :((((((

jaemin isn’t ignoring your feelings though, dont worry! hes just trying to sort his out

because your confession kind of opened his eyes

he doesnt want to force himself to like you but he cant help but admit that when he first heard you talking about your feelings a huge warmth spread through his chest and he may or may not have uncovered some feelings

these feelings were always there but he suppressed in grade nine cause he thought you’d never like him and you just wanted to stay friends

so he pushed them down and never thought about it again

but obviously that didnt happen because now youre on his mind 24/7 and he wishes that he could just talk to you but hes kind of nervous

so after taking advice from jeno he tries to talk to you more, like asking how your day went and starting up conversations

youre  kind of like “what u playing at son” but you leave it cause you know jaemin would never do you dirty like that

it stays this way for a while until one night theres a particularly bad thunderstorm and jaemin is scared of thunder

and so when youre just playing on your phone jaemin opens your door slightly and has this scared look on his face

and you know that jaemin is scared of thunder so you open your arms without any words being shared

a huge boom of thunder makes jaemin squeal and jump into your arms

and he gets comfy under the covers as youre holding him, no words shared between you two

he starts to feel much better and this sense of comfort washes over him like,,, youre his home

and as hes falling asleep he softly mutters

“im sorry it took me so long”

and youre just straight confused like what does that mean is he talking about his feelings or just the fact that yall havent had such an close encounter in a while 

the next morning you wake up and jaemins arms and you guys are facing eachother

and hes already awake so when you oepn your eyes you find him already looking at you

“thank you for last night, youre the best” he whispers and youre like all good fam i understand

but then he leans in closer and is like “i should have told you this so long ago, but i am in love with you”

your eyes widen and youre like wh AT the FUCJ your heart is beating at like 420 bpm and ur shooketh

he just smiles and pulls in you in closer and its just a super soft moment and no words have to be said

that night you guys are cuddling on the couch after dinner when jaemin just asks you be his gf

OF COURSE YOU SAY YES! you have been waiting for this moment for god knows how long

jeno is all like damn fina-fucking-ly i’ve been watching this romance play out for like 5 years! 

its super cute

its even better that you guys are roommates because youre already living together so you get to see eachother everyday

jaemins room as become a guest room for sorts as he now shares a bed with you

jenos happy af hes like YESSS I DONT NEED TO SLEEP WITH JAEMIN IN OUR SLEEPOVERS ANYMORE

jaemin: >:(((((( tf is that supposed to mean

you just laugh and youre like im not complaining hahaha and jaemins heart just stutters so bad 

he really does love you and he cant believe it took him so long to accept his feelings

and one night he tells you about how he pushed them down and youre like “exCUSE ME we could have been dating all this time u pussy”

sad jaemin :((((( 

anyway ya its so good its a win-win situation 

you get to room with the love of your life and its just magical there are so many soft moments between you two and just UGH relationship goals

i need me a jaemin

#nct #nct dream #jaemin #na jaemin #nana #jaemin scenarios #jaemin scenario #jaemin x reader #jaemin blurbs #jaemin imagines #nct jaemin #nct na jaemin #nct bulleted au #nct scenarios #nct smut #nct 127 #kpop #kpop scenarios

[alysonwonderland]

thanks for tagging me @eleincanti !!! 💖 had a lot of fun reading your answers & answering them as well ☺️💞

rules: we're snooping in your playlist. put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs (including music only stuff like OSTs as well as songs) then choose 10 victims

why did you choose your url?

my cousin was obsessed with 'Alice In Wonderland' when we were younger called me Alyson Wonderland so i made it my url & i just havent gotten around to changing it since :+)

any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

at some point i had one called @beaoala but i dont really remember why it was created lol 🤔

how long have you been on tumblr?

9 years 😳 pretty insane tbh...

do you have a queue tag?

no

why did you start your blog in the first place

i was an angsty 13 y/o who liked writing + pretty pictures 💀😌✨

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i like that he's cute + potentially violent

why did you choose your header?

it accurately depicts who i am and why im here

whats your post with the most notes?

a tag game!

how many people do you follow?

1,245

have you ever made a shitpost?

nope! but i posted cringe "aesthetic ~☆♡" posts when i first started because i thought you had to post on tumblr to run a blog lmao

how often do you use tumblr?

ranges from once a day to once a month -- depends on how stressed i am & how much im trying to avoid something by procrastinating 🤡

did you ever have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

no

how do you feel about 'you need to reblog this post'?

depends

do you like tag games?

yes!! theyre cute ♡ & i like interacting w/ mutuals 🥰🥰🥰

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

idk

do you have a crush on a mutual?

nope!

Phone Photo Meme Game

choose one picture from ur camera roll without downloading to sum up your personality and then tag 5 people

tagging: @dorilori, @laneboyz, @se-kao, @montak, @veryconfuused, @thammathoti, @usefulsplash, @adrianne-lenker if youre interested! 💌💝

#long post #Spotify #music tag #tag game

[aximili]

drafted this from @dominocity ages ago and forgot abt it until i was procrastinating just now :0

check in tag game ✅

1. why did you choose your url?

went by axx for a very long time (incredibly this actually had nothing to do with aximili-esgarrouth-isthill even tho i did grow up loving animorphs. i had an OC who used the online handle axolotl.... something... i cant remember.... and i thought it sounded cool so i started using it. wow i had actually forgotten this info until just now! lore!) anyway someone on tumlr reminded me how much i loved animorphs and i wanted a new url at the time. someone just had it saved and wasnt using it so i was like fuck it, why not ask. politely messaged the blog and they were like oh ya i forgot abt this and freed it up

2. any side blogs? if you have them name and them and why you have them.

i have like 6 but i no longer use any of them & havent for years lmaoooo

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

i think its a decade this year. and ive never changed blogs once. im like a fungal infection here they cant get rid of me

4. do you have a queue tag?

i have never queued and i never will. you get my posts when you get em.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

a lot of my friends on deviantart (yes dear god) were becoming more active here and i started checking some humour blogs daily until i was eventually like why not just make an account

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Him. (from the cover of #8 the alien, the first ax pov book, which i found in a 2nd hand bookshop as a kid and was soooo excited bc i could normally only read animorphs at the library, they were never in shops. still a treasured possession.)

7. why did you choose your header?

it just really describes my emotional state at any given time

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

unfortunately i believe it's this, which is not even my original content nor even the OP's original content, as it turned out. but "online job application form" dnd joke is probably second

9. how many mutuals do you have?

who the got damn hell is keeping track of this?

10. how many followers do you have?

1439. its been around this number for like 2 years i really just stagnated at a certain point but idm

11. how many people do you follow?

968. to paraphrase lydia, i suppose i should follow 1 more. (im sure that at least half of those are inactive. i have been here for a decade.)

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

by no means. none of my posts are shit

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

uhhhhhhhh i probably open it and glance at activity/briefly glance at my dash llike 5 times a day? a lot less now that i use locked twitter for socialisation

14. did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

god no i am incredibly nonconfrontational. a couple times in my younger and more vulnerable years id post some stupid uninformed take and someone would rightfully disagree, and occasionally vice versa, but i honestly can't recall a "fight"

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

it's good to only follow adults the dashboard becomes a peaceful place

16. do you like tag games?

yes i like talking about myself 😊 but i never tag anyone bc im lazy oops.

17. do you like ask games?

i rarely do them bc i would usually not get any lmao, but they can be fun

18. which of your tumblr mutuals do you think is famous?

alma my friend alma seems to get a lot of nonsense in their inbox even tho they only post abt yugioh. eliza was definitely my most famous mutual but she freed herself from this place to become a real author, godspeed. and logan really blew up with "your dad looks gnc af" most recently

i think i have some more well known mutuals (again. been here 10 years.) but i cant think of them rn lmao sorry if ur a famo and i excluded u.

generally people think i have a lot more followers than i actually have? it's hard to gauge whether that's a compliment or not, but i take it as one.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

i have crushes on like everyone i meet it's called being bisexual </3

20. tags?

i tag...... YOU yes you. if u want!

[audspods]

my girl

hi so this is my first time doing this but i want to try talking abt movies. idk here’s a lil introduction to this. ok so ig i’ve always been a movie person, like i like them but i’ve never rly got into the nitty gritty w them. but sometimes i do find myself looking up analysis’ of the movies once i finish them. but that only started recently. ok so here’s the deal w this post. there’s 3-4 parts. first part is the introduction (this is the introduction), then we have the when i watched it (i know this seems rly silly but i think it’s important on the atmosphere and shit when watching a movie), then the what i rly think abt it section, and finally a section called audrey trying to be johnny 2 cellos. this one will b abt 4 because this intro is kinda explaining how i’m going to be doing this sort of thing so let’s get started ig? IDK HOW TO START THIS I’M LITERALLY 14 YEAR OLD GIRL WHO’S BORED. oh i’m gonna rate the movie on a scale from 1-10, 1 being wtf this is not cute and 10 being cute cute cute. 5 is like oh cute? its confusing i feel like i need to draw some sort of diagram :/

intro:

ok so my girl is abt this girl (wow nice one audrey!) who lives with her dad in a mortuary. this girls name is vada and her mother died giving birth to her. i lowkey forgot some stuff from this movie but that’s fine ig bc it’s been abt a year since i’ve seen it. basically vada is this tomboy and she doesn’t get along w everyone until she meets this boy. btw they r in elementary school. so she’s freinds w this boy named thomas and he wears glasses. the actor is the kid who was in home alone. anyways shit happens some girl comes in and becomes like her step mom ig. but lets get into what actually happened. so one day vada and thomas r playing in the woods and vada is wearing this ring but she loses it. she realizes she lost it after they were done playing in the woods but after thomas went back to get it. as he was looking for the ring he bumped into a bees nest and a shit load of bees stung him AND MANS WAS ALLERGIC TO BEES. so his glasses fell underneath the leaves and he died. so sad omg. and so they held a funeral for him and vada was obviously sad abt this but when she went to look in the casket she saw he wasn’t wearing his glasses. this is where the famous line “he can’t see without his glasses” comes from. this scene hurt so much my lawd. eventually time goes on and she never forgets him but that’s basically my girl. 

how audrey watched this movie:

okay so i think it was summer. I can’t remember i just remember this day being very grey and bright. so it must’ve been summer. anyways i had a shit load of laundry to do so i thought i would put on a movie. as i’m scrolling through netflix i see my girl and it’s one of those movies that u always hear abt so i thought i would watch it. i thought it was going to be some cute cheesey rom-com abt childhood friends but oh boy was i wrong. the movie was on in the background as i was folding my clothes but i do remember knowing what was going on the whole time. i remember wearing this headband that made my forehead huge but i didn’t realize that until i looked in the mirror to see my crying face lols. when the scene of thomas in the casket came up i was sobbing. i mean i was not expecting that at all and i was not ready . i rly thought it was gonna b a cute kids movie. i was so shocked that during and after that scene i could not move. i sat over all my clothes and just cried all over them. literally so embarrassing but it was so sad. LIKE Y WOULD U MAKE A CHILD DIE HELLO? i mean shit happens but whatever. this movie will alwyas be memorable to me bc i literally was not expecting to cry and i literally sobbed like a baby. i’m so glad no one was home to see me cry like that oh my goodness. 

audrey tries to b johnny2cellos:

if u don’t who johnny2cellos is pls check out his yt channel. i think he does a great good in going deep into movies and tv shows. well idk if i should say movies i’ve only watched bojack related vids from him. but from what i’ve seen and heard i think he does a rly good job. anyways let me jump into my lame ass analysis. this isn’t going to be good bc i havent seen this movie in a long time. but i think the movie did a rly good job capturing losing a loved one from such a young age. the innocence and immaturity of vada shown throughout the movie and during thomas’ funeral. i’m not good at this lmao. but i havent seen this movie in a long time so im not surprised that this is bad lols. anyways that’s it bc i have no idea what to say and i want to talk abt a different movie bc i lowkey forgot everything about this movie. 

final thoughts:

this movie is meh. it gets a 6.5/10 from me, so it’s like a ok cute? idk if that makes sense lols. anyways it’s a good tear jerker but honestly it seemed a bit rushed, but at the same time i sorta like that bc that’s what going through childhood is like. everything goes by super fast and soon enough, something happens that makes you stop and realize the shit that’s going on around you. that’s it for now i’m gonna do my life as zucchini next. PEACE OUT!!

[enchantedpendant]

internal medicine

nearly 2 weeks ago now i finished my IM rotation. sure, it was only the second rotation i fully got through (bcs covid and all that)... but tbh, it already seems like the best. i have a few reasons for that.

the first thing would be how i, at this point, am actually most interested in IM as a specialty, as in i actually do wanna become an internist. i even have a subspecialty in mind — endocrinology! and for this i think i’d have to give a shoutout, with utmost respect, to one professor, an endocrinologist who gave several classes back in preclinical. he was just... very smart, which of course not that im saying others aren’t as smart, but his teaching method is just very effective. his classes were among the few which i’d actively take notes for, thats how invested i get. he was probably the first one that got me thinking “huh... IM seems interesting” when for years before that i thought i wanted to be an OBGYN.

aside from that wonderful teacher, allow me to elaborate more on what i like from IM. all the complex cases with long lists of comorbidities that some would complain about? listen, i love them. not in the sense of “oh theyre easy”, obviously theyre complicated and difficult, but like thats the fun! everything connects and the discussions could become endless. it might sound pessimistic when i say that somehow it would feel like no matter how much i study there would always be something i dont know, something others would know better about... but i dont mind that — the things to learn about are endless. IM is vast, dare i say it’s a large portion of medicine. the patients we come across are extremely varying. i love how these complex cases could feel like giant puzzles. i love how you get to work with other specialties or maybe even subspecialties among the internists for each cases — i love how its like a team game. and the workload feels like it hits a perfect balance — as in, i get to ‘directly’ save lives (hopefully... i mean, dealing with possibly mortal cases could be scary but also very rewarding), but on the other hand the chances of being forcibly woken up at 3AM for an emergency are far less (than, lets say, the surgical specialties... im sorry OBGYN).

last but absolutely not the least, i would like to say thank you to my preceptor throughout this 9 weeks rotation. the coolest dude ive ever known. my senior in junior high and senior high (10 years my senior, to be exact), the dude who went through the same trajectory through school as i did (started school at 5, skipped 2 years, got into med school at age 15)... ive heard a LOT about him (“OH you started med school at age 15? youre just like Alex then!!” i get that from nearly everyone yes his name is also Alex) but this was the very first time i actually got to interact with him. dude’s so smart, he became an internist at age 27 bruh holy shit dude what the hell and he could really teach. dude treated us coffee on our first and last meeting, greeted us on Whatsapp with “gang”... believe me when i say that we were truly shocked bcs... nah mates attendings just dont do that😭 i could go on and on about him, ive bored my mom by talking endlessly about him lmao all on how cool he is, but i’ll spare yall on that. he told us a story on how he decided to become an internist (after initially wanting to become an OBGYN!) and his story made me go... hey.... yeah i could relate to that. i sent him a message earlier today, a nice lil thank you and that im really happy to have him as my preceptor and i hope i could be just like him within the next 10 years. he responded along the lines of “awww! i hope our discussions were helpful, i wish we couldve had more but too bad we dont have enough time😞 see you on top, doc! ideally you dont need 10 years, you have lots of potential👍” which deadass i sent my mom the screenshot of it and i said “look at him and these white lies hdjskdjsksks omg how do i respond” i havent even opened the messages bcs idk what to say🥺😭 tl;dr knowing him has been very inspiring and i feel like ive learned a lot, more than just in an academic sense. i dont get all inspired and motivated often... but he did that.

okay yeah this post is long enough, ive said plenty i think! lol but i think IM deserves this.

imma rate Internal Medicine 9/10... the only 1 its losing is bcs i wish i had spent less time napping etc etc and spent even more time studying😭 like i still couldve done more i think😕 and like holy shit this is wild yall you dont often get to see me retrospectively wishing i studied more and of course with covid and all, we had no night shifts, we were discouraged from doing certain invasive interventions to the patients, so we still werent getting the Full Experience™ you see... but oh well

thank you IM (and doctor Alex!) — i hope i’ll see yall again☺️

#dani's review of clinical rotations #internal medicine #dani tries to survive med school #bruh i swear i wanna work with him as colleagues one day #how cool would that be

[klaus-is-the-real-number-1]

She’s Electric (Number 5 x reader)

54A/N: wowowow so im not smart at all so hopefully i pulled the whole fake smart act because im pure clueless :))) hope yas enjoy :)) still havent posted the playlist of all the songs because my spotify has my full name and am not that commited for ppl to find this soo. and i also went a bit off like i hope this is what you want lmao.:)) stay fresh. (ok so you have powers in this and its more like portal jumping rather than spatial jumping so you like create holes and jump down ? if that makes sense(also if anyone gets the date hmu))

ASK: jellyxfulll:hi could you please do one where the reader is really smart, likes coffee and sarcasm (legit a carbon copy of him) like five and when he meets them he’s absolutely smitten ? i have a lot in common with him anD i wAnt to bE loVed bY mY fiCtionAl chAracteR

Words: 2146

Black coffee steamed in it’s mug as it sat out in the open, wind swirling it in different patterns. The swirls of steam looked like it was dancing a tango, as if the beat it was dancing too kept getting faster and faster until a sudden stop and the steam disappears, signifying the end of a dramatic dance. 

Black ink stained up the side of your hand as you furiously wrote away, you just couldn’t get the equation right and you couldn’t use your powers, not yet. You were on the run from the commission as they wanted to use you for your powers, it was a valuable asset, time travel and dimension jumping, the Handler said it could open a whole new market for them but once you refused they came after you. 

You’d got the equation wrong while you were running and you got stuck, you got stuck somewhere, an abandoned world that hadn’t been looked after. Years and years passed with you stuck in the wasteland of a world until the Handler came back but you couldn’t say no otherwise you’d die alone with no chance of seeing your loved ones again. So you became a killer to survive, you kept to yourself. In that world it was kill or be killed.

After years of service you thought you had the equation, endless nights of black coffee and sleep deprivation you thought you’d got it right. All you wanted to do is go and see your family again but next thing you knew you were 16 years old again and stuck in some random dimension but it was a start. You had removed any form of tracker the Handler had on you back in 1854 after completing your last mission.

During your time in the small town you’d managed to get a small job to rent a tiny one bedroom apartment, it wasn’t the best but it would do for the time being, until you get the maths right.

You let out an exasperated sigh, slamming your pen down on your scribble ridden page. It was a bright but nippy day meaning you could sit outside in peace and be uninterrupted. Griddy’s was always quiet on week days, the perfect time to go for a black coffee and just go over everything that’s happened, it’s good to do that sometimes, just to think and remember.

Reaching for your coffee, you underestimated the distance between the mug and your hand resulting in the mug falling. You open a portal under it so it falls right into your hand and take a sip, placing it down gently in it’s original place. 

“How did you do that?” A boy was suddenly next to you, an excitable expression present on his face. He looked about the same age as you, but he had a look in his eyes, like he’d seen some things.

“What do you mean?” You ask, pretending to be confused, taking another sip of your coffee. You watched as he pulled the seat opposite to you out and sat down crossing his arms and legs simultaneously. He looked at you with a slight smirk.

“You’re y/n, aren’t you?” He leant back in his chair, scanning you up and down. “I’ve heard so much about you.” His eyes could tell 1000 stories but you could tell that he had no one to tell, no one would understand.

“huh, interesting, I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t really know who you are.” You say matching his movements but making sure you can have easy access to some form of weapon of he attacks. For all you knew he could be part if the commission finally catching up to you.

“I’m Five, ex-commission.” You narrow your eyes at him as he sticks his hand out, you take a glance at his hand. You reach out but just before you meet his hand you grab the handle of your mug, bringing it to your lips. Fives hand drops and he lets out a breathy laugh, crossing his arms again.

“I would introduce myself but you seem to already know who I am so I guess there’s no need.” You give him a sickly sweet smile before taking another sip. You had heard a little bit about Five, he had a similar story to you,stuck in an apocalypse, ran away from the Commission to see his family and tried (and succeeded) to stop the apocalypse.

Five couldn’t believe his eyes when he first saw what you did with the mug, there was only one person who he had heard that could do that, y/n. Five had heard rumours upon rumours about y/n, an example of some is that she was the most deadly killer the commission had ever seen and the prettiest person the universe had ever seen, and Five couldn’t agree more. He couldn’t imagine you ever killing anybody, your hair loosely hung with strands tucked behind your ear. Five took in your soft features, the warmth of your eyes and the freckles that littered all over your face and arms, presumably from the years in the apocalypse.

“It’s rude to stare.” You tell Five, not even looking up from your writings. Out of the corner of your eye you see him shift uncomfortably, averting his eyes. “Listen, I don’t know why you’re still here but if you’re lying about being ex-commission and are here to try and kill me I think you should reconsider your options because we both know who will make it out alive.”

“I’m not lying about being ex-commission, I know what it’s like and I think I can help you with getting back.” Locking eyes with Five, you saw the sincerity in his eyes. He held out his hand, you think about the worst possible outcomes from this situation, you take his hand. 

You had never travelled the way Five normally does, you just were not used to it. As soon you reached the desired destination your knees gave out and a wave of nausea washed over you. A retching sound made it’s way out of your body as you cover your mouth with shaking hands, as if that would stop you from being sick.

“How the fuck do you travel like that?” You almost shout at Five, staring at him from the floor, you didn’t even know where you were, you didn’t care. Another wave came over you again along with a banging headache. The one thing that you were grateful for in the Commission is that they let you travel how you wanted, the first time you had used a briefcase you could’t stop shaking and being sick which wasn’t the most efficient if you needed to complete a mission.

With a flash of blue Five was holding a glass of water crouched down next to you. “Here take this.” He held the glass closer to you.

“How is making me sick going to help me get home?” You say cautiously taking the glass from his hand. You sit up straight and try to take a deep breath in.

“Just show me your equations, I’ll see what I can do.”

Days turned into weeks, then weeks into months. The more time you spent with Five the more you began to forget about the equation. Truth be told, you got the right equation about 3 weeks into working on it with Five. After years of being alone you liked spending all this time with Five, you were both equally as emotionally deprived as each other, both in need of a friend who you could relate to.

Feelings for Five was also a newly developed emotion, the more time you spent with him the stronger these feelings got and all of his family could tell. You had met the Hargreeves on many occasions, often getting comments about how much you had made him come out of his shell since he stopped the apocalypse. But it’s not like you wouldn’t do couply things, if that was even a word, you would hold hands, cuddle and exchange compliments back and forth all the time. It was done so casually, as if you both didn’t know what to do with your feelings.

You were currently laid down with your head in Fives lap as he absentmindedly ran his fingers through your hair, occasionally twirling stands in his fingers. It was a summers day, natural light streamed through the open window, giving the room a natural glow. 

“y/n,” He lightly taps your nose. “You’re really pretty.” 

You smile, leaning into his touch. You knew you had to tell him at some point, about the equation, you just didn’t know how. Sighing, you sat up and faced Five, you noticed in the past months how his features had softened from the hard, brooding looks he used to give.

“Five, I’ve found the equation.”

“What?”

“I’ve found the equation.” You repeat with more force. “But I’m torn, I don’t know what to do.” You searched his face, trying to read the emotion. “I miss my family so much. But I don’t want to leave here, you’ve shown me theres so much in this timeline.” His face dropped.

Five didn’t want to sound selfish but he didn’t want you to leave, the past few months had been the best time of his life, he’d found someone who understands him. Y/N never questioned his coping mechanisms, you had actually made him accept his own past and move on with his life. He doesn’t know what he’d do without you. Five eyes began to sting, he felt a wave of sadness but also anger, he felt himself getting warm, an uncontrollable range swept over, consuming any other emotion that was in it’s way.

“How long have you had it for.” Five had a quite voice, not looking you in the eyes.

“A few months.” You watch as Fives fist clenched. “Five I-” But he had cut you off.

“So you’ve just been leading me on.” Five eyes met yours. They weren’t the soft, welcoming eyes you had come to love, they were cold, hard and shut off, the only emotion you could see in his eyes was anger.

“What no, why would you-”

“Maybe you should just leave.” Your chest sank, Five let you go from his grip and stood up. He looked like the killer you had only heard about mere months ago, he didn’t look like your Five anymore. “Just go, y/n.”

So you did, no arguments, no questioning, you had gone. As soon as you left the room Five caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror but the reflection wasn’t him, it was the killer that he thought he’d left in the Commission, he was his clenched fists and cold eyes. He couldn’t believe he spoke to y/n like that, looking like this.

“Y/N!” He called out, he was in a cold panic. He kept calling your name out, traveling to your work, your house, all your favourite places but you weren’t there. Five had been told that you handed in your resignation at work and your flat was cleared, you had gone home.

Five didn’t know what to do with himself since you had left, he was constantly thinking about the what ifs, what if he acted differently, what if he didn’t snap. You had been gone from Fives timeline for almost a year, he didn’t have much to remember you by other than one picture that he had on his bed side table. The picture was taken by Allison of the two of you, you had both fallen asleep on the sofa downstairs, you looked so peaceful together as Five held you in his arms. 

He fell in love with you in the time he had met you, the complexity of love confused him but he wanted to figure it out with you. He loved the way you talked, how you carried yourself, your smarts, your personality, everything. It was a cold night and Five wasn’t able to sleep, he just laid there staring at the ceiling. There was a strange noise, a noise he knew well, y/n. 

“Hey Five.” You were breathless, it had taken you so long to find the right equation for the frequency of Fives timeline, to see him again.

Five couldn’t believe his eyes, you were really there. Without a second thought Five leapt out of his bed and crashed his lips to yours, he pulled away and tightly wrapped his arms around your frame.

“I’m so sorry y/n. I’ve missed you so much.” You couldn’t agree more, leaving was an impulse moment of anger, there was a gap in your heart that only Five could fill. “y/n, I love you so much.” He held your hands, his eyes were soft again, filled with love.

“I love you too.”

#the umbrella academy #The umbrella academy x reader #the umbrella academy five #number 5 #Number 5 x reader #Number 5 imagine #Number 5 Fluff #number five #number five x reader #number five imagine #number five fluff #Five x reader #Five Imagine #Five hargreeves #five hargreeves x reader #five hargreeves imagine #five hargreeves fluff #tua #tua x reader #tua five #tua imagine #my works

[justmikerrss]

to all the boys that will *never* love me:

Dear christian, stephen, mikio, oscar, royce, pat, manny, derrick, mars, gill, rex, max, kevin, and nick -- whether y’all were a crush or someone i saw myself being in a relationship with get ready bc i’m going IN. I’m gonna use this time to rank these catastrophes from level 1 to level 5. level 1 being a crush yenno not so bad or scarring, and level 5 being sad machine playing while the world is burning to pieces like bish you left a MARK on my heart. if you know me i think you know who that person is hahaha

*alexa, please play truth hurts by lizzo*

christian - level 1. lol let’s take a trip down memory lane to my first crush ever!! my gosh i remember being so kilig over this boy in elementary school at st. leander lol it was so obvious. hahaha. your spikey hair and like goofy ass smile i don’t know i was such a sucker for that. the first filipino boy i ever crushed on waow <3 but then I left st. leander and never spoke to you again. you went to o’dowd, i went to sjnd and that was it really. you went to sfsu i went to usf. idk how we ever found each other on insta, but it is so cute to see posts of you and jasmine haha a USF don as well!! the last “convo” (i wouldn’t even call it that) was when i commented on your graduation post and you commented back thanking me and saying congrats too. so happy that your trillest brand is killing it and you know nothing about me anymore but what a great time it was to know you were my first crush ever lol. thanks for this <3

stephen - level 1. lol i left st. leander and moved to sjes and was like ok, who am i gonna crush on now?? hello stephen, my first white boi lol. i knew fosho that you thought i was weird in elementary school like there is a particular time where in church i sat next to you and during the our father you did not want to hold my hand LMAO and that’s when i knew. i stood from afar. touched your thumb for heads up 7 up HAHAHA gosh you were so out of my league and such an asshole tbh. you and nick, forever making fun of me for liking mikio lmfao hate y’all forever. you went to lmu and that was history. lmao you were so mean to me. but all well. you were like not a good person i think i just liked you because of your looks? lol hahaha

mikio - level 2.5. oh my god the epitome of my boy problems in high school lmfao fuck you. jk. but high school mika wouldn’t take that back. oh myyyyy what a FLIRT were you. i had so many fantasies thinking we’d be together, we’d be m&m HAHAH BARF wow, and then you dated mel and it was just like??? then you were my escort but then i was like nope and switched you with ryann LOL suuuuper crazy like I don’t really remember the details of everything but i knew in high school being so kawawa over not being noticed by you. but then you went to davis, slo, and now in sl?? idk where you are now but you had my heart back then (barf) but that was such a long time ago that honestly it doesn’t phase me anymore!! a feeling high school mika wouldn’t have thought was possible. so thank you. i liked you because you gave me little glimmers of hope of like maybe we could be together -- you were nice, flirtatious, close to your family... not afraid to make a fool of yourself for the one you’re interested in. which wasn’t me but again that’s okay! I wrote a letter to you didn’t i? idk what i was doing why was i so dramatic tbh. you did things that honestly weren’t in my control so i can’t hate you really. again realizing that you fit my type so it just, idk

oscar -- level 1. when mikio was being a butt i knew i could crush on you. LOL the hugs, the convos, being able to laugh at anything when you were in the room what a time SJND was when you were there. now you’re in boston with your boo and i’m still really regretful over not being able to see you when i was in boston last year but it’s okay. happy that you’re happy out there :-)

royce and pat -- level 1.5. ah. USF college times man. these two were literally a duo. RA’s of the 4th floor (share yall are silly for assigning that haha) and damn, what a trip it was to crush on you. royce you were a dj so thats how i knew my thing for dj’s came. you both did your jobs at ra’s, pat you were on eboard so i saw your hustle there which i super appreciated. and this is also how i knew filipinos were my type? lol. EVEN THO YALL WERE LIKE WITH BOOS lol i am cursed but yall had hustle, swagger, passion for what you love, and still made time for partying it up and studying. and now i see royce at parties sometimes n i would awk hug him (rip at the phoenix hotel party) and i havent seen pat since he graduated but hes so happy with becca!! so cute. and its cute (and weird) how kierst is happy with royce.

****DJ SPARKY/AGANA/YURI -- level 1. yall are dj’s who i will always cringe at bc of how naive i was at shooting my shot... BUT IM GLAD YOU ALL ARE THRIVING OK LETS DISMISS THOSE BOIZ NOW 

manny -- level 2.5. ahhhhh manny manny manny. my first trip towards using dating apps and matching with someone on TINDER!!! LOL!!!! ok anywho i met up with you for a few times and it was just like... a lot of question marks bc i didn’t really know where my standards were when it came to online dating. we went on dates? but the first time i paid, and the second time you “forgot your card” so i paid again?? and then you walked me to my dorm and kissed me on the forehead?? red alert!! then you kept wanting like a second chance, to prove me wrong and i kept ignoring you bc wtf lmao... then i was foolish to let you into my life again and realized that was a mistake and blocked you again. and now you’re like a bonafide dj living your edm dreams. i saw you at audio TWICE omg rip. i liked you because lol ur filipino, a dj, buttered me up a whole ton which again problematic bc i didn’t see any of it within myself... but its okay mika is better now. better to not be talking to you. but thank you for being my stepping stone into dating apps.

derrick -- level 1. omg at times i forget about you! which i don’t know is a good or bad thing but i don’t think i ever told anyone about you lol. we met on okc, this filipino boi (lol a trend) andddd i went on like two dates with him? one, i met up with him at that one coffee spot near golden gate park. then we walked over to ggp and we just talked and thinking about it now it was very ideal for me to be myself fully, in public if that makes sense. you were so nice and genuine omg. we went to sweet maple the second time around and you paid for the food which was like wow!! diff than manny!! and i remember talking to you about kh and you loving it as much as me. but i got scared because you were like 26 or somn? i was still 20 i think and i was like this dude might be asking a lot out of me...so i told him the “this is on me i don’t feel ready and not sure how i feel” spiel. and that was history. i honestly don’t know what he is doing now but he was really nice. i felt no malicious intentions from me, i just wasn’t ready to move forward w him. the first nice guy i ever let down bruh. ugh.i hope you’re doing well now though.  

mars -- LEVEL 5. fuck me i hate this chapter SO MUCH lmao. so many drunk cries and just cries in general post this whole... like chapter. but lets start off with why i liked you: handsome as hell, close to your family, athletic, hustled, SO MF KIND EVEN WHEN I WAS BEING CRAZY, a great homie and bf quality, gave me the false hope of like “yeah ill see if i can come through” “ill let you know when i listen to this” the forever ILL LET YOU KNOWS but still views my stories and still doesn’t let me know mentality.... you never initiated any of our convos. i was STRAIGHT pursuing you even though i didn’t believe that you’d change your mind about just seeing me as a friend. you made that clear to me from the start but i didn’t take that as an answer LOL which is why i was so crazy to keep hanging out with you... even tho you were super busy and i felt like a burden you STILL made time with me, whether that was peruvian food, or thursday nightlife followed by dancing at a bar together (which i ruined when you took me home and asked you about your love language lmao), souvla, and then our final time of seeing each other: san tung and tpumps. what a fucking few months that was...only to come out of it with another girlfriend with the same name as me. LIKE WHAT. ARE. THE. ODDS. i still can’t believe it till this day. my gosh you were so nice to me mars. such a great homie. and i wasnt empathetic or smart enough to make diff decisions to retain what we had...but im happy that you’re happy with mika. other mika. yeah. man i never felt so in the dark when going through this time, this was so rough. i wasn’t eating, i’d cry in bed for days, it was so bad. i’d like to say that I’m healed from that though. lol to burning the shirt which honestly i should have kept bc it was a cute shirt.. but yeah. thank you.

gill -- level 1. lol you were dumb to think i was attractive enough to dance with at the soulection event. we exchange numbers and i think because i told you i was 21, you backed off. lol guess i was a fetus then. still am. lmao. we text for a bit but then i find out you tried to get into arcilla’s pants?? lMAO. oh and then i see you at that pool party, saw you talking to other girls and i broke DOWN bc i was crossed as hell LOL sorry ate kayla that you had to take me home that day LOL ugh i hate myself for that night. and then i see you right in front of me at OSL. in 2019?? for childish?? that was such weird weird fate. thank god you didn’t recognize me (i had long black hair there, you remembered me with short brown hair plus it was dark). i just thought it was crazy. uhm you had the fuckboy vibe and look on point.. knew everything about soulection. family oriented. but it just fizzled bc i blocked you and then just stopped talking to you lol.

*****chris l/frankie -- level 1. again i cringe at how dramatic i pursued yall sorta as crushes but for sure bc yall were soulcycle and about fitness YES bodies 10/10 and you understood soul. but omg chris pls get ur life together (which is what it seems like ur doing??) and frankie well you’ve been having your life together being married and all so0o0o0 im trash for crushing lmao BUT IM GLAD THATS ALL IN THE PAST AND THAT WE’VE FORGOTTEN i think lmao

rex -- level 0.5. lmfao you were dumb you’re gonna keep looking at me and emily only for me to make the move in letting you know i was interested, follow you on ig, and then you block me?? weirdo. bye.

MY HINGE BOYS </3 

Max -- level 3. oh maximus lmao. we talked for a whole month and what a pleasure it was to text you every day, receive and send memes, curate playlists, be w/ each other at different events... only for it to end after we netflix party/facetime where i don’t feel the kilig i’d feel when texting you. so i told you i wanted to be friends. and then i try to still reach out and be friends, but i got delayed responses to no responses. and now you just, look at my stories? lmao i know it don’t mean shit to look and you recently liked my post, but i feel like i invested a lot into our quarantine reality. you had GREAT music taste (even tho ur playlist was a lil questionable), for all i know you were just telling me things to like get you on my good side, motivated, privileged......... yeah. i hope you find your 5′0 qt rave queen that can go to events with u

KEVIN -- level 1. lmfao honestly you SUCK hahaha even with the benefit of the doubt, it does not take 10 hours to reply...even if you are busy at work NICK AND MAX WERE ABLE TO!!! you were spotty to begin with but then we netflix party and then you dont talk to me anymore after i ask if we could exchange music playlists? i didnt even ask u to be my boyfriend its a fucking playlist.... we talked about music so much. ugh BOYS ARE SO DUMB LIKE SERIOUSLY. hope amazon treats ya right

NICK -- level 4. ugh. ughguhgughgh. i liked you because your profile/resume was all my criteria: music taste A1 bc of bryson, i hated mint chip, i loved spongebob (even tho you NEVER sent me spongebob memes fuck u), you were hapa (he he but fuck u) (i laugh while typing this i am so dum), uhm. yeah. we talked everyday consistently for two weeks. you were such a joy to text bc you were funny (i was funny too), even tho it was hard to keep the convo going w you at times in the beginning because you never inquired about me at times. max did. its like you were better than mars, but not like A+ in replying like max was. you never really flirted with me? lmao i mean even those attempts of me tryna bait you, i always got... friend vibes. benefit of the doubt maybe you just didn’t know how to flirt but you had posts of your past relationship up on your feed so you cant tell me that that exp did not have you pursue a girl and flirt her up. to me, there was no initiative from you. i was chasing you for sure. this dating life is a two way street -- life doesn’t work where one pursues you only otherwise like no. bet if i went the fuckboi approach, gave you lame responds would you have kept the convo going? prolly not bc ur a cancer and want to feel needed. the only thing ill commend you on is when you’d apologize for delays in text messages but then you kinda stopped that. like understand i should also feel like i should be pursued and never did i feel that i felt like you just responded just to respond... like you’re a cancer its in your nature to dive deep and ask deep questions but you never did, you were the type to play video games with your pals LMAO and like/????/? me understanding gamer life i was like YES this boy gets me but like CMON. lol so many things. ok maybe i am reading too into this but this is the freshest heartache :/ you never like told me i was cute or anything like... max made remarks about my looks and you never did. i mean cool maybe you were just vibing off my energy but i just now question if you were actually interested in me? bc i was trying so hard to make you like me. every meme, was a move. you didnt play your cards right!! its like i kept hitting you with plus fours, and then all you’d put down is the same color number card. where was the fun in that? it was super effortless but anxiety filling for me at the same time bc i was convinced that you were the one. :’/ super good news to hear that you wanted to meet virtually literally NO EXPECTATIONS but then monday rolls around, you dont text me the whole day, i check in at 530, you tell me you go to costco instead and want to reschedule bc you thought i was ghosting you????? wtf did u just like expect me to just call u right at 7 and expect u to be ready?? max texted me after work and was like “we still on right?” so i was high key expecting that from you bc 1. show interest and 2. take initiative but you DIDN’T!! so i was honest in telling you how i felt but kept it light and asked to reschedule. you take forever to reply, but when you do you tell me it was silly OF ME to think you were supposed to confirm it which i get i initiated it i shoulda texted you earlier (but what if i had the worst day ever and couldn’t text you??? would you have just let it be and not text me anymore bc you assumed i ghosted you???) you also said that you thought maybe it was too quick to assume that i ghosted you which is YES tru. however i was not going to apologize for not texting you earlier and waiting for you to reply bc boy, that was on you to make a move to double check. if i was in your shoes i woulda texted. that would indicate to me that oh wow this boy is making sure we are meeting and confirming! even drop a hey hows your day you excited for tonight? i made it obvious to hype you up on your photos and everything, you just were like wow your photos are so good! wow i hope you posted that picture! like idk. i kept it light bc i still really wanted to meet you, and just wanted to attribute this small ass thing as a misunderstanding between the two of us but after long hours of making me wait, you decide you don’t want to reschedule because you were unsure of how you were feeling and that you couldn't put your all in and said sorry. no sentiment towards wanting to be friends just a straight goodbye which basically meant, in harsher terms im prolly not as down as you are for me and maybe i am nervous to meet u (idk ill never know if you were) anddd im not interested anymore bc you’re crazy and ME being the womyn that i am ended up being the mature one and said the goodbye hope you have a good life without me text and then our lovestory ended lololol what a great two weeks am i right? honestly maybe you still need to do some growing buddy but relationships are not easy going they are a two way street but also ill never know maybe you were just texting me just to text me and you still wanted to be the nice guy bc you were scared of how invested things would be post call so you call it off and it was just in the moment for you to be down but then have it change on another day.... i woke up in a better headpsace today about how this turned out but like god fucking dammit i had high hopes for you you infj CANCER. *squidward voice* so thanks. thanks for NOTHING (this is when you start your spongebob dialogue of all how to get everyone on board for practicing for the bubble bowl and sing sweet victory)

so, the end LOL basically. to all the boys who will never love me, ultimately thank you for being a part of my life. thank you srsly. thank you for making me exp the pain, the kilig, the uh everything. growing pains these are, but at the end of the day, i hope you have a good life. whether or not we cross paths again this gives me clarity as to what i’m looking for and what i deserve. this goalgetting, resilient, funny, hardworking, awkward but in the best way pinay is a force to be reckoned with!!! she has the best support system out there!!! she has so much to live for because she is determined to not let down anyone counting on her!!!! so fuck u for missing out on that!!!

k. my ideal man list is coming soon. until then... see ya later.

xoxo,

Mika (allison to some)

[coridallasmultipass]

Tmi / personal / endometriosis and menstrual issues / surgery / long post / venting ... I finally had a laparoscopic surgery done yesterday and they were able to confirm for me that i have endometriosis and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted! All my fucking life ive dealt with excruciating cramps and heavy bleeding during menstruation and i just wish i could go back in time and give a big 'fuck you' to everyone who ever told me "cramps are like this for everyone!" Or "just exercise, it helps!" Or "orgasms help with cramping!" Like hooooooh boy I knew it and im so glad to have all the cysts out of me now. I had previously tried numerous birth control options to prevent cramping and bleeding and got excruciating cramps with literally All of them and constant bleeding with the depo shot. (I had a very painful internal ultrasound done, to hopefully diagnose endo by that route, but it was inconclusive - variations in the thickness of the endometrium, which could be endo or it could just be normal...) Most recent birth control was an iud and i had to go to the er the same evening because my body couldnt stand to have it in there causing so much pain, i couldnt stop screaming and it sucked. The iud was a few weeks ago ((and the proceedure to insert it was the worst pain ive ever felt in my life, and the same sharp pain continued through the following days until i got it removed) and i havent been able to sit straight since, i have to keep sitting to one side in order to not feel like having an ice pick jammed in me. Its gotten better since the iud was removed, but i still get a sharp pain when i have to sit on something hard. My doctor recommended me to have a diagnostic laparoscopy with cystectomy ASAP because of the iud problems and all my failed birth control attempts. Everyone in my family freaked out and kept pushing me to not go through with it, but I knew i needed to know what was causing me so much pain, like tbh, as a trans man, id prefer just a straight up hysterectomy, but yknow either way this is a step in that direction anyway. I have an aunt who had to have the same proceedure twice because of complications, and kept telling me her horror story about how painful recovery was and i was like 'trust me its not going to be worse than an iud because i thought i was dying' and she blew me off like 'its going to be wAY worse' like uh no bc an iud was 666/10 on the pain scale for me, i genuinely thought i was dying or would have a heart attack with how bad the pain was; plus ive had surgeries before and was completely fine after... Anyway fuck what my family said i went through with it anyway and it wasnt that bad of a proceedure to wake up from! My first thought was 'oh no, did they hospitalize me? I feel like ive been asleep for weeks!!' But it was just the recovery room. Ive usually done pretty well with recovery, and this was no different. The worst part of the recovery room was the sensation of needing to cough from where they had inserted the breathing tube for anesthesia. (Today my throat is still a bit sore, and my voice hoarse, but warm mint tea has been helping a lot for that.) I was also feeling cramps similar to mild-moderate menstrual cramping, (no where near the sharp shooting pain of the iud, and no where near my normal, unmedicated cramping which has had me doubled over screaming in pain until the medicine kicks in in the past), and of course a bit of soreness from the incision sites and the general soreness of having gas trapped in my body. (They have to pump a bit of gas inside you so its easier to look around, and some of it stays trapped in you after.) Its a pain similar to what ive felt before just from my fibromyalgia in general, so i was very relieved for the most part. I also felt myself bleeding a bit while i was still in the recovery room. (Gross and tmi, but im still having a spot of blood only when i wipe today, so thats a relief after having been bleeding a majority of the days over the past few months trying different BC options.) Strangely, when i got home i didnt feel groggy or in need of a nap like i have for surgeries in the past. I was also warned of having nausea from the anesthesia, but i had none at all!! And i was warned by multiple sources that i wouldnt have an appetite, but boy i ate almost Everything in the kitchen yesterday im pretty sure ive gone through a whole box of protein bars since yesterday too. Multiple sources (including my family member who had the same proceedure) warned of a sudden bad mood drop immediately after the proceedure, And i dont wanna jinx it, but I have been in such a good fucking mood since i got home yesterday, but maybe thats just the painkillers talking, but still I was at a total low point, like, cant-get-any-lower low point in terms of mood, but i just... feel so good (besides the aching and incision site pain lmao) On to the pain now... The worst of it was waking up this morning after the surgery day. I had quite a bit of the trapped gas pain when i first lied down at night (and when i tried to lie on my side) but the feeling doubled when i tried to get up. Im very bloated still. While the bloating itself isnt very painful, it feels like the stretching of my stomach is pulling at the medical tape covering my incisions which is making them hurt. Im not getting the trapped-gas-roaming-my-body feeling As Often, but its obviously still trying to dissipate. I feel it most while trying to take a deep breath like a bubble pressing against my ribs, but easing a deep breath slowly in and out moves it around and makes it less uncomfortable. Light exercise, like slow walking, is supposed to help your body absorb/dissolve/release the trapped gas. So i did 5 minutes on, 5 off for 3 times on the slowest treadmill setting earlier and im going to try again tomorrow for the same. (I feel like it made my bloating worse, so i had to go back to resting after, but ive been getting up and down to get food for my insatiable appetite lmao) Now the actual tmi and gross stuff: It is really fucking hard to pee. Straight up i have to concentrate so hard. Normally i lean over on my arm to help push it all out at once, but i cant do that with the incisions over my belly lmao. Shitting is just as hard, but the Shit Gods have blessed me with the Antibiotic Runs this morning so im all set for today lmao. Im really bummed tho they put a bandage over where my belly piercing is supposed to go, so i couldnt put it back in after the surgery. The whole, not being able to bend over thing, is reminding me of what its like to have a fresh belly piercing, and im groaning bc im gonna have to go thru with it again to get it back.... and i feel like i jUSt got it done... (it was summer last year) ughhhhhh.... oh well, like at least this time it should go in straight i hope? Also, obligatory vent that... having a fucking uterus does not make me a woman i wish doctors and nurses would use gender neutral language... TLDR; had a laparoscopic surgery to diagnose endometriosis and remove the uterine cysts caused by it, having a great recovery so far!! Still waiting on follow up from the doctor for my next step, but im feeling a lot better than when i was suffering cramps from every birth control i tried to get Rid of cramps

#endometriosis #endo #chronic pain #fibromyalgia #menstruation #surgery #tmi #personal #vent #Cori.exe #Post.exe #long post

[blxckdamask]

Trashcan’s Fic Rec

So since it's the end of May, I thought it would be nice to rec some of my favourite fics I've read throughout the month. Most of these are BNHA since that's what I’m into now lmao. I’m doing this instead of writing the 5 fics I have planned and I havent posted in like 3 weeks oops.

Bakudeku Fics:

Plus Ultra Parenting by Superior_Moustache | 39k | 10/? | fluff | established relationship | kidfic 

Izuku and Katsuki, better known to the world as the Wonder Duo: Deku and Kacchan. The married hero couple finally adopted their first child together, a bouncing baby boy. Luckily, they're on paternity leave for one year (thank god), so they can bond with their son as much as possible. They're going to be the best damn daddies and go beyond PLUS ULTRA!

Katsuki Bakugou has No Goddamn Chill (But Its For The Best That He Doesn’t) by Rosae  | 8k | 2/2 | hurt/comfort | fluff | platonic or romantic 

Alternatively titled: The Entire Goddamn School Gives Up On Trying To Understand These Two & Aizawa is Really Tired.

Izuku and Bakugou had a long and complicated history, but most of the school was pretty sure that they understood where the two currently stood as rivals. Then Izuku's dad showed up on campus and everyone's preconceptions were mercilessly thrown out the window. In which Bakugou tries to murder a man, has a soft side and convinces his entire class the twilight zone is real.

Ft. Part 2: Turns out Izuku and Bakugou will work together willingly if given proper motivation. Endeavor showing up for a training exercise apparently qualifies. Aizawa is really tired of these children not asking for help and everyone else is absolutely terrified (and secretly very glad these two don't work together more often).

briar roses (and hundred years of sleep) by vannral | 15k | 5/5 | angst w/ a happy ending | get together | eventual nsfw 

In complete honesty, no one who knows the Class 3-A should be surprised anymore. Izuku is asleep.

In which Izuku is hit by a ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Quirk, Class 3-A tries to find his True Love and get them to kiss him, and Katsuki’s very angry about it all.

Six Between by majjale | 2k | 1/1 | angst | established relationship | betrayal 

Izuku is hospitalized after a nasty fight. Katsuki finally visits.

Utopia by Kanea_vR | 2k | 1/1 | fluff | established relationship | marriage proposal | domestic 

In which Izuku worries that his and Katsuki’s relationship has become too domestic, and Katsuki proves him right. Not that either of them are complaining.

Todobaku Fics: 

No Questions by ravenssaur | 3k | 1/1 | hurt/comfort | angst | deaf!bakugou

Everytime his doorbell rings at 3am, Todoroki knows exactly who is it.

Kitties Tale by Midknight_works | 2k | 1/1 | fluff | domestic | slight nsfw

Bakugou brings home a stray box full of kittens for his and Shouto’s one year anniversary.

Where White Lilies Lay by sodapopcurtis | 17k | 1/2 | break up & make up | angst | hurt/comfort | fluff 

Shouto’s eyes light up in a way that rivals every star in the galaxy, and the past year falls to pieces. “You’re Katsuki.”

With staggered breath, he replies, “You remember me?”

“Of course I do,” Shouto says, “You’re my boyfriend.”

---

Todoroki Shouto gets amnesia and remembers only two things: 1) his name, and 2) that he's dating Bakugou Katsuki.

The only problem is, they broke up a year ago.

Deeper by snakeskinbuffalo | 3k | 1/1 | soulmate au | get together | tw suicide attempt, self harm, depression 

“Katsuki, your soulmate is someone who will always be by your side. They will be someone who completes you. Together, you will make an unstoppable force.”

AU where Bakugou and Todoroki are soulmates and Bakugou is in denial.

Do You Like... (series) by degradedpsychotic | 3 works | 57k | not completed | very nsfw | established relationship | cheating 

Shouto is looking at the damn vent like he’s about to make a break for it. “It’s not, um, what it looks-” “It’s exactly what it looks like,” Katsuki cuts across, his voice losing its bite. Shouto flinches, and silence spreads between them like the frost on Shouto’s fingers.

- - -

Shouto Todoroki and Katsuki Bakugo are tired of their marriage.

better late than never by bonnia | 12k | 1/1 | body swap au | get together | aggressive hand holding (lmao) 

“I’m sorry, but I’m not letting you go. I quite like being in my own body.” Todoroki's next breath comes out icy cold, and Katsuki leans as far back as their joint hands will allow.

“Are you fucking hearing yourself?” he sputters, feeling heat crawl up his neck to his ears.

(or: bakugou and todoroki get hit by a body swap quirk, and physical contact seems to be the only answer to their predicament)

Without Hesitation by XenophoneSpeaks | 8k | 2/2 | love confessions | hurt/comfort | get together | fluff | angst w/ a happy ending

The first time Bakugou told Todoroki he was in love with him, he thought he’d die.

Starting Over From Ground Zero by HyacinthAtropa & XenophoneSpeaks | temporary amnesia | get together | coming out | nsfw | angst w/ a happy ending 

“What would their relationship have been like, if Bakugou’s pride hadn’t stood in the way? Would they have been friends, or would things have mostly stayed the same? Would Bakugou have been happier, more open and honest about his feelings and wants and needs as a person? Would he have accepted and even appreciated the comfort others offered him, rather than always keeping people at arm’s-length in an effort to maintain an image of independence and strength?

Todoroki didn’t know.

He didn’t know. But he wanted to.

Abruptly, like a bolt of lightning, he realized he actually had the chance to find out.”

(Or: that one where Bakugou has temporary amnesia and Todoroki is tasked with caring for him until his memory returns, but ends up falling in love with the part of Bakugou that Bakugou has always kept hidden away instead.)

i don’t need to hear to know how i feel (series) by Lizxcliff | 5 works | 16k | not completed | deaf todoroki | coffee shop au | get together | fluff | angst | eventual nsfw 

“English tea, right?” He asked. The man in front of him stared, unsure of how to interact with the handsome, blonde man. This, of course, annoyed Bakugou. “Speak, moron.” He said harsher. Todoroki continued looking at him. He probably doesn’t speak sign language. He reached towards the left end of the counter and grabbed a paper menu. Searching quickly, Todoroki found the English tea, and pointed to it.

Kacchako Fics:

pink cheeks, calloused hands, small wonders by TheGodWith5Yen | 37k | 7/7 | established relationship | domestic fluff | pregnancy | kid fic | adoption 

Her hands found his. She breathed out. Her breath smelled like Listerine, it made Katsuki wrinkle his nose at her.

“I’m pregnant.”

Katsuki’s eyes widened and he stared at her, his mouth opening. “Oh shit. Shit, whoa, okay, wow.” His hands unclasped from hers and traveled down to her stomach. “Ochako, wow.” Not even an hour ago he was convinced his girlfriend was breaking up with him. His mind couldn’t completely wrap around what was happening, but he couldn’t stop looking at his girlfriend in awe. He kissed her forehead, a smacking kiss with a “mwah” sound that had Ochako rolling her eyes and cuddling closer to him. “You’re pregnant.”

“I am.” Ochako agreed, her voice steady and confidant.

Katsuki licked his dry lips. His mind was racing. “Cool.”

It’s Our Secret, Angel Face by thesweetestnerd | 200k | 39/39 | nsfw | mutual pining | get together | fluff | angst | friends with benefits 

Broken down and humiliated after her crushing defeat in the Sports Festival, Uraraka just wants to sleep off her injuries in the infirmary. She didn't expect to get a very loud and very angry roommate for the night.

(A Kacchako one shot that turned into a love story.)

Other Fics:

Perception (series) by aizawashouta | erasermic | 2 works | 10k | not completed | nsfw | friends to lovers | mutual pining | get together | angst w/ a happy ending 

Five times Hizashi feels like a burden to Shouta and one time he finally snaps with Shouta by his side to pick up the pieces.

-

Hizashi is all too aware that they’re polar opposites, Shouta being the calm to his storm, the quiet to his loud exuberance. Shouta, who’s at his most content curled up on the couch in their shared living room, or anywhere, really, napping or idly playing with their two cats while Hizashi’s busy going through his ever-growing music library, bothering Shouta for his opinion before adding the songs that have gained his friend’s grudging approval to whatever new playlist that he’s working on.

No matter how hard he tries, he can’t leave him alone and, miraculously, Shouta’s been tolerating him for fifteen years.

He hopes to God that it hasn’t become an obligation.

like-like by nanasekei | stony | 5k | 1/1 | POV morgan | fluff | kid fic | steve being a cool step dad | domestic 

Morgan doesn’t really know Captain America.

After The Tournament by bluewerewolfprose | wolfstar & drarry | 175k | 53/? | canon divergent | fix it fic | fluff | angst | angst w/ a happy ending | everyone is gay | trans Sirius | eventual drarry | nsfw 

What if Remus and Sirius realised Harry was being abused? What if all Dumbledore’s careful plans were pulled apart by the power he relied on most of all?

After the Triwizard Tournament, a traumatised Harry admits he can't go back to Privet Drive. Sirius and Remus refuse to submit to Dumbledore's plan and take him back to Grimmauld Place with them, where they must learn how to live together, how to care for one another, and how to trust one another. After so long, can they build a family together? Will they even have a chance when a war rages outside their door? And can the prophecy ever be fulfilled?

#fic rec #monthy fic rec #bakudeku #todobaku #kacchako #erasermic #stony #wolfstar #drarry #bnha #mcu #Harry Potter

[avpdpunpun]

i disappeared for 3/4ths a year here’s an update?

its been 4 months since my queue ran out and way longer since i wrote an actual post. 8 months about? i think i last posted when i impulse quit a job that was bad for my mental health and just kept getting worse.

sometimes i wonder when ppl who blog about mental illness disappear if they’ve died. there was a big user i used to follow who did, and i still occasionally think about it sometimes, so i figure its nice to post updates sometimes. and being able to look back on posts ive written and reflect on them/what state of mind i was in can be helpful even if it can be embarrassing/dangerous because its so easy to fall back into those thinking habits 

after quitting my job i did basically nothing for 6 months haha. at some point i managed to clean out my room which i had done the bare minimum on for years because of depression, took out more built up trash than i thought was possible to fit into my small space. its disgusting but the only thing i struggle to keep up with now at least is vacuuming and putting clothes away so my space is a lot cleaner and it makes me happier. your living space can really have an effect on your mood bless you marie kondo

after my post about having an anxiety attack taking my test i got my drivers license in march. i saw the same lady again after going somewhere else and i think she just let me pass because she felt bad haha. i never finished drivers ed and i still get anxiety about driving unfamiliar routes but my skills and confidence have improved a lot. i managed to drive 2 hours to a big city to visit a friend! i literally didnt have a choice in getting my license, but its still something i can be proud of. like, when i have to explain it to people, it feels extremely shitty that i didnt get it until i was 20, and only about 5 months ago too but... for someone who struggles as much as me, i have to be proud of it my small accomplishments or i’ll have nothing.

at some point something in my brain just snapped and i literally havent been able to cry? for a long time in those 6 months i felt like i was right on the edge of breaking down mentally but never actually crossing that line and it was honestly one of the weirdest things ive experienced. i almost wanted to have a breakdown again just to get rid of the feeling and reach a catharsis like... i used to be a fucking crybaby almost but i. cant. anymore. but i think ive mostly moved away from this point... still feel kinda weird tho.

i didnt end up signing up to a local school fo gen eds. its still on my mind for the vague future because there’s topics i want to learn about (psychology, natural resources, languages...) and maybe try to pursue for a career but really i just wanted a way to get out of my toxic house, even if it meant going into debt to live in a shitty dorm. 

in the last 30 days though life has been moving extremely quickly for me. i dont think i couldve lived with myself much longer being a useless adult basically living in my basement bedroom of my parents house, especially with my younger siblings getting nearer to adult milestones, plus my savings were starting to run out.

so literally next weekend, i’m moving out! and i make enough money right now that with the rough budget i have established, if its accurate, i’ll have a decent amount of wiggle room and hopefully wont be ruining my mental health just trying to make ends meet.

it took a long time of searching but i managed to find a job that hasnt made me suicidal and has slightly more than the MIT living wage for my area lol. im a janitor now! we’ll see how long it lasts but a lot of the factors from my last two jobs that contributed to my failing mental health are gone. i rarely have to interact with other people, and if i do its my coworkers, of who i tend to only see for minutes per day, or the other people working in the building i clean who at most i have to say hi and have a nice night to lol. i get to listen to music and podcasts for 8 hours and its very routine heavy. i have to clock out after the 8 hours is up so i literally cant be forced into overtime. a lot of people dont respect cleaning jobs like this but honestly who gives a fuck, its something i can handle mentally and support myself with. its still hard adjusting to 40 hours. i know its the standard, but the standard is rly tough for me, but i think i can do it long term.

all of this has been achieved through sheer self hatred and impulse alone, and im very nervous about moving in with 3 other people even if 1 of them ive known for 8 years, and i dont think its even properly hit me yet. literally cant register that i have to fend 100% for myself but also ill be away from my toxic family! i can bring my cat with me, who before this i got to see at MOST once a week!

a dude ive known online for two or more years is moving to my area too for college and he’s so sweet and kind, i feel better talking to him than i have 99% of people in my life and im so lucky to know him. ive been forced to talk about personal things i was kind of dreading (not his fault, just a result of our relationship going to go from online -> irl and things id have to address beforehand) and honestly i didnt even mind it that much when i just got it over with and talked about it to him! vulnerability is literally the thing i struggle with the most in interpersonal relationships and is a huge block for me in every way and in even the most mundane life situations but like... he’s honestly the best and im getting emotional writing this and its weird af because i straight up dont GET emotional about other people. ive absolutely developed a stupid fucking crush on him recently and i THINK hes been receptive to flirting and i cant tell if he flirts back because we already say i love you and are wholesome af but honestly no clue if he’s into (trans) dudes but honestly? even if it doesnt work out im so happy to be friends with him and im so excited to finally meet him!! i really think knowing him has helped me improve myself 

i’ve always thought that if i could literally just achieve the bare minimum in life that things would naturally get better. like i’m still mentally ill and get paranoid about peoples intentions and i think if my boss yelled at me id have an anxiety attack on the spot. im still depressed and hate that i have low energy and that it’s still rly hard doing basic chores. 

but like a huge part of my problem was that i felt like i literally couldn’t TRY to connect with people if i couldn’t face having to tell them bare info about myself, like “oh i cant drive” or “i dont have a job” or that i was living with my parents but not even making PROGRESS on getting out. like how could i make friends or go on dates if i literally couldnt contribute shit or admit these things i was so ashamed of? a lot of my self image was shaped by this because my entire life i havent been mentally well enough to do as well as i should have.

but like. i feel like im finally doing these basic things!! i dont have to hate myself so much anymore! i dont look badly on other mentally ill ppl who are less lucky than i/havent been able to do those things yet/might not ever and are still in the same situation i was 2 months ago but the self hatred is strong pls understand.

i dont know yet if i could afford twice yearly drs visits for meds or anything and probably not therapy. i dont even know what my insurance is yet haha. but i’ll see

i need to figure out at what point in my life im going to be able to never contact a single person in my family ever again, considering i’ll be a 20 min drive away and they will know the precise location of where i live, and if i’ll ever feel safe enough in society to start hrt but :^) you know :^) i can at least present more masculinely in the meantime!

i dont rly know how to conclude this... i’m not trying to brag either im just very nervous and excited about where my life might be going for the first time ever? maybe? in my entire life? i have no clue what to pursue after moving out, but i can figure it out. and just... that there’s hope even if youre as fucked up and mentally ill as i am lmao!

#text #update #mostly tagging this for myself to read later if i ever start blogging frequently again