#i have to see what my health allows

[whump-quotes]

I'm going down to one post a day, considering i've been out of 2 a day for longer than this blog existed :D Still always looking for submissions

#i also don't know if I'll alway post every day #i have to see what my health allows #one could think scheduling some quotes is fast but i don't trust thesources i find these at #like most quotes i find on pinterest but the sources there are so often incorrect #and you can't trust goodreads etc either #most of the time i try to find a pdf of whatever book or poem or whatever i'm quoting from and search until i find the quote itself #so some quotes i never post bc i can't find the source #and for some of them i search for up to half an hour before i give up #not a quote

[moldybits]

notes: symptoms in this poll are defined as ptsd/trauma symptoms (dissociation, amnesia, hyperarousal, etc)

this is an inclusive poll for any type of system/system origin. but it’s specifically how weed affects systems with trauma. this is not syscourse and i want nothing to do with it!

reblogs are encouraged for sample size

i’m convinced that all the progress we’ve made since december has to do with THC and our endocannabinoid system and i’m curious if other people benefit the way we have.

#may do another poll if i get any interesting results from this #i’ve been fascinated with THC and how it impacts mental health #cuz it’s normally associated with making it worse #but it’s literally saved my life #curious to see if having DID is what allows me to benefit more #but yeah no syscourse you’ll be blocked on sight #pluralgang #plurality #multiplicity #systems #did #osdd #actually dissociative #actually plural #polls #tw drug mention #plural polls

[arsonist-chicken]

What if I just developed social skills to be able to actually make new friends in person and then used those skills to get a new phone number and pack my bags and run away to a place where no one knows me and all my past mistakes and fuckups and started over there without going into social isolation

#i needed to hand my expose in in february and got an email about it this weekend and agreed to hand it in on tuesday #it is now sunday evening and i just got another email about it but thinking about opening it makes me want to throw up #she's so nice and i don't want to see her scolding me for AGAIN not sticking to a deadline #what if she tells me that was the final deadline and i won't receive a grade for that class and so i won't be allowed to write my thesis #until next january? I wanted to graduate this autumn. it's april and i haven't even started on my thesis and i have like three bullet point #for the expose; and idek if I'll be able skillwise and mental health wise/adhd wise to actually write the stupid thesis #like what if i can't do it and then i've spent the last one and a half years on a degree i won't get in the end and then i won't be able to #apply to a lot of the jobs i thought actually looked good #@god give me some social butterfly skills and I'll give or throw most of my stuff i don't absolutely need away so i can just.. #go somewhere new. start over. and not become even more socially isolated than i already am. #does anyone know what a panic attack feels like because i'm having suspicions that i might have finally gotten them this year #but didn't recognise them as such because it could be worse #so anyway. god grant me some social friend making skills #if you can't do that at least throw in some adhd and depression treatment. i am sick of this. #and by this i mean the way i've been living my life at least since i left high school; probably even while still in high school #vent posts #mine #i love my online friends so much but i can't meet them outside to sit in the sun or chat about anything at all or go have coffee together #or or or you get me

[wolves-in-the-world]

I am never not thinking about hardison and eliot looking at each other while parker changes in the elevator and turning away once it's immediately clear the other dude's spooked too

#am I reading a lot into a tiny moment: yes #do I wholeheartedly believe it: 100% #just that barest hint of dudes prepared to keep other dudes in check #(pausing to picture for my health eliot smacking a military buddy on the back of the head #for saying something shitty #shelley is allowed at team poker games because he did that to eliot once) #leverage #for me this is one of those shows where you're trying to pin down what's weird about it #and you realise ages in you're not low key worried on behalf of the vulnerable characters #'cos we're shown from so early on that these characters are Safe #—and THEN eliot and parker standing close to each other while changing is an entirely DIFFERENT kind of safe #the one that says it isn't a big deal to either of them so they're not gonna be weird about it— #listen I'm just slightly feral about it alright #do you know how much it bothers me that I'm not totally convinced the last episode elevator scene even HAPPENED #nate is not a reliable narrator folks we never SEE the actual thing #but the cosiness and flirtiness and humour and respect of it kills me #that is all <3 #dug out of my drafts because it is Time To Vibe #[tags have been copied over in a reblog]

[cuntwrap--supreme]

My mom: *telling me how she's only done what's best for her kids*

Me: *reminds her of a time when she absolutely did the worst for us because it benefitted her more than not doing it would have*

My mom: You have such a creative memory! Wow! You're gaslighting me! This is abuse!

#parental abuse #abuse #bad parenting #bad parent #trauma #childhood trauma #literally this started because she refuses to remember that she sold my water bed for crack money #like. that was the only bed I've ever had that didn't make my back hurt while i slept. #and she sold it. for crack. #and she's all bullshit that never happened! #and so i ask her about like two other shitty things she did and never apologized for #and she pulls out her new favorite word - gaslighting - which she learned from some dumbfuck tv show she's been watching #but when i ask her if she even knows what that means she goes see that's gaslighting! #like. no. gaslighting is telling me things i (and my siblings!!) have a vivid memory of never happened. #trying to act like i have no business being mad at her is #acting as if I'm being dramatic. that my childhood was normal. that not having food or power and living in a crack hoise is average. #i cannot wait to get out of here in december. only 18 long weeks to go! #if i ever have to live with her again I'll kill myself. these two years have been worse for my mental health than anything ever. #I'm a whole ass adult yet I'm not allowed to so much as leave the house without her demanding to know where I'm going. #i have to lie to her if I'm going to see my bald dude (rare. but if it happens) or else she gets pissed at me for seeing people??? #but if i say I'm visiting friends (not entirely a lie) she'll accuse me of going and doing gay shit? #because apparently being queer is the worst thing your kid can be in her mind #that i haven't kicked the shit out of her has to be some sort of testament to my patience as a person right?

[bittwitchy]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd #but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well #just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well #which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out #which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore #its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi #see the other thing is #if i talk about my mental health at all #people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint #or feel sorry for me which i also dont want #all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all #like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff #i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly #im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares #i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to #and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one #they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored #im losing my mind steadily #and thats not even onto the physical problems #but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying #‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket #if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your #fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces #sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues #but then i talk to other women and it is #it just doesnt make sense and i hate it #but i never rly got help on private insurance either so #tbd #depression cw

[ozlices]

i have to make appointments & also let my doctor know id rather continue one of the new meds she put me on bc it actually helped but ive been completely unmedicated for 2 fucking days & the thought of doing Anything makes me wanna throw up im so over being a person

#mine #i rly do not have it in me to make appointments dawg i have medical trauma can i get used to one new doctor #before im tossed around like a gd hot potato to numerous others. i literally attend my appointments w my cane #what's not clicking abt me having VERY fucking low energy in the aftermath of sm straining stress bruh #but like i dont have a choice bc i could have some of my meds stopped if i dont see certain doctors & im just here like 🫠 #i feel somewhat stupid like damn i rly thought finally i had a chill doctor w common sense but no i still gotta fight for my gd life #just be given say over MY OWN GODDAMN WELLBEING #'oh well this causes physical health concerns' to be completely blunt idfc anymore. #truly i fucking do not #my body is a fucking nightmare my entire system resents at this point bc we always have some lvl of bs going on w it #we've no choice but to stop fucking caring bc the numerous mental strains we're dealing w worsen them ON THEIR OWN #& also like literally fuck off bc my body wouldn't be this shit if doctors actually TOOK CARE OF ME PROPERLY #before it got this bad. #there's no fucking fixing shit now by worsening my already overwhelmed & strained body/mind by making me a gd hot potato #if im not Actively Perishing or on the immediate brink of the risk IDC #I NEED TO FUCKING BE ALLOWED TO //CHILL THE EVER LOVING FUCK OUT// #//that// SHOULD BE THE PRIORITU #ive been strained for YEARS but esp since last year to a CONSTANT degree #can i fucking get one GODDAMN foot on the ground to pick myself back up jfc #im so tired & annoyed & sick of there always being SOMETHING #i just wanna fucking chill & finish my preps to stream again & get back to pursuing what i love please #im gonna LOSE MY MIND

[quixoticanarchy]

I think if you consider it a point of pride to have a high tolerance for what you deem acceptable harm, that’s pretty fucked up actually

#‘yes [x] thing is bad but we have to allow it in the name of holy pragmatism... now pls admire my maturity and moral nuance...’ #I hope you die of arsenic poisoning #this is @ my coworker’s boyfriend who is a ‘sweatshops are a necessary evil’ type of person but I think it’s a trend I’ve seen rather a lot #if the tracks of your moral high ground are still crushing so many people under the wheels then bro you are too comfortable w causing harm. #but some people really seem to take sacrificing other ppl’s lives/health/wellbeing etc as a) acceptable losses #and b) almost sth to be proud of. that you can make tough calls and ‘be realistic’ #& never rethink the premises that require such harm bc you’ve reconciled yourself to being ok w what you see as an acceptable amount of it #skravler

[commanderfreddy]

i never remember to explain shit anymore i just vaguepost and expect people to catch up but i finally have good news, we've made a lot of progress with my parents' estate (they both ran their own businesses and you know those images of nightmare cable management? well imagine that with bank accounts) and i actually have money now - im taking a trip to Aotearoa NZ with my mate Jules next week (dark sky reserve! lotr filming locations! snow! FOOD!) and then in august i will be moving to nyc to pursue a 2 year masters degree in library science with a focus on rare materials archival studies!! shits happening in my life!! im not just sitting in my house doing nothing all day!! and like i said i have money!! if you're taking commissions lmk bc while im focused on my getaway for the next few weeks i wanna support my friends and their art and when i get back i wanna throw u cash to draw my ocs!!

#fred says a thing #personal #i havent slept (its 8am) but not for sad reasons! i was reading a good book and then i just had a lot of thoughts! #invariably i will be sad again - probably soon! i will definitely see stuff on my trip that i will want to show my parents and have to #experience the strange nature of grief-for-what-never-was several times over during otherwise great moments #- but i will also be happy in the future too! #my therapist says i definitely have ptsd! im learning more about emotional flashbacks and how to manage them! #im a human being and i will continue to be one for the rest of my life! #i hope thats a long time! #but even if that isnt something my genetics allows i was happy now! and people were happy to have me in the world! #im realising that sounds rather alarming but i just have a lot of fears about my genetics considering. you know. the cancer orphaning. #im trying to manage both my health fears and my health itself in a reasonable way! i made a chicken tomato pasta sauce last night #just from ingredients i had lying around and it was pretty good! #i have a ripe tomato i picked from the garden yesterday that today i will fry up with bacon and put on some toast i think #there are so many books i want to read #there are so many books i want to write #in a few days i will be experiencing snow (a rarity for me) and i will probably be handling the cold very poorly and i will feel excited #and uncomfortable at the same time #and for much of my life i will experience a lot of contradictory things at the same tiem #and i will experience times of great boredom and inaction! we all have to stand in queues and wait for buses and go to the dentist #and wonder what might have been #but i will experience them. i will.

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #anytime my friends point out that something I say is good advice or express that they see me as aspirational I'm always just like.... #wtf how am I am example to look up to I'm just an idiot bumbling his way through life trying to avoid hitting her head on cabinet corners #honestly it's mostly just seeing mistakes others have made and going “I will not make those mistakes. I will make weirder mistakes than that #like. it feels a little like the “I'm eighty years old I'm done with putting up with everyone's bullshit” except it's #it's “I didn't kill myself so I'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore” #like. I chose life. I'm not about to half-ass that decision. I'm not gonna walk back that decision. I'm not going to flinch away from it. #that fuckin... “what do we have to fear but fear itself” quote or whatever. like.. I died. you think anything else is gonna scare me? #if I'm going to be stuck here on this planet you bet your ass I'm gonna make the most of it. I'm not gonna be embarrassed. no shame. #we're all living here until we die and the things that matter are your own life and then the people around you. #I'm not going to miss out on a chance to find community and connection just because I'm afraid. I'm done being afraid. #though... I have been feeling shrimp emotions for the past two weeks and my stomach has tied itself up in knots over it. #I'm so detached because I'm afraid of feeling my emotions too strongly. so letting go and experiencing emotions is a lot for me. #and agghfffgghh I'm going to make it through this I'm going to make it through this but damn it's really rough #allowing yourself to get close to someone again after solidifying your position as unassailable is so hard. #especially because I've gotten so used to shielding the emotions of other people. hard to be honest when your honesty will hurt them #it's wild being around someone who's not wildly insecure because I can be genuine and honest and not worry about what I say hurting her. #I could say “I'm leaving in a year do you still want to date?” and trust that she would actually think it through and give a reliable answer #like. I can handle just my emotions because she's able to handle hers. #being in mental health spaces for so long I'm not used to interacting with emotionally stable people lmaooo #do you think I'm emotionally stable? I don't think I am. but then I meet other people who are wildly more unstable than I am and hmmm #like. sui wasn't an emotional choice it was a cost benefit analysis. I get emotionally unstable sure. but I contain myself until it's over. #I know enough to not be impulsive because I recognize impulsive behavior in others and thus in myself as well. #so like. I'm unstable but I'm not externally unstable. I know how to isolate when I'm in a wounded lashing out state. #anyway I've been processing so many emotions this past week because I'm wildly out of practice with allowing myself emotional honesty #instead of just bricking myself up behind my defensive apathy. I want to hold onto this. I want to continue to channel these emotions. #I want to be unafraid to tell people when I love them #though with her it's more of a Nerevarine situation. you are not someone I love but rather someone who might become that. #like. I haven't known her long enough to really say I love. but I very much think if things continue how they are I will be confident in it #and not even romantic love per se. I have some old friends who I genuinely love. several siblings who I love. most people I know I do not.

[mariemariemaria]

Does anybody else feel the waves of history crashing over them constantly and like they can't escape the generational trauma that permeates and poisons every interaction they have or do I just need to chill and have a drink lol

#'our day has come and we are here. we are alive here. we've built this place. we suffered and starved here. #we own not an acre of land we belong to it. the land of cú chullain and macha. ní muid 'hungry crocodiles'. we are full. #full of knowledge. and talent. and success. #full of drink. and drugs. and stories. #agus beautiful ceol. that spills on sundays. from the windows of ancient pubs like smoke #tá vóta agam. tá acht Gaeilge agam. agus táimid sa rialtas. #we are the landscape. we are the trees and the rivers and the mountains. an integral piece of someone else's infrastructure. #growing strong between cracks in the concrete.' #and whatever else seán an seanchaí said..... #would recommend his instagram. his posts always hit #ngl tho when men post stuff like this about ireland i always think...do you see the similarities between this and patriarchy tho? #but maybe im better off not knowing the answer #whatever!!! we will persevere!!! we will help one another and build trust and relations and improve no matter what governments say or do!!! #just like generations have been doing before us!!! and we who have benefited from our parents making this place better will work to make it #better for our children. who will make it better for theirs. #and maybe i need to stop shying away from difficult conversations. maybe we all do. and maybe then we'll be okay. #my thoughts on mental health + the north + my own personal experience is such a mish mash of several different things #im only truly starting to realise that it's all connected. yes i got depression because i was lonely and vulnerable. but also because of th #trauma my family's been through. and sometimes i feel so angry thinking about what certain family members have been through #and there has been too much silence surrounding it. but maybe i just have to feel the anger and sadness and allow myself to feel it #but continue reaching out and trying to talk and having cups of tea and walking my dog and making memories. #memories that aren't political or based on trauma. to get out of my head and realise that yes this was a terrible thing #but there's so many good things too. and the best thing i can do is to try to make life better for those who lived through the worst of it #and make society better for those who are too young to know any of it yet. #instagram is actually a tonic for me sometimes. would never get such taig specific posts on here like the one from seán #which is probably a good thing lol

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

I graduated from my bachelor degrees yesterday. It still feels like a bit of a dream.

I’ve got two fancy pieces of paper now, and a fancy hat, and a feeling of pride that I made it through uni, let alone while my health crashed and burned around me, through multiple investigative surgeries and procedures, and so many diagnoses, in the midst of a global pandemic. I, and many of my friends, and my peers, we made it.

But the day took a huge toll on me. Wake up early to get ready. Ready includes the waist-high compression stockings I sometimes don’t have the strength to put on. Struggle with them for a solid while. A beautiful dress, with pockets!! Wear sensible shoes, with a low heel and additional arch support. Worry about tripping or fainting while walking the stage for a good long while. Instead, trip and fall on the way to registration, banging my knee onto carpet covered concrete. Ouch. Sit in the shade, with sunnies on, hoping I don’t develop a migraine while waiting for doors to open for us to be seated in the hall. Walk the stage without any issues, but lean heavily on the bannister as I cautiously take the steps off the stage. Let loose and allow myself a glass of champagne to celebrate after. Roll my ankle again, walking to a photo location after the ceremony. Start to feel exhausted, but know we still have dinner plans. Majorly enjoy dinner, almost forgetting that my stomach will hate me for it later. Still had to take my meds, still had to pay attention to most of my pain and migraine mitigation strategies on this day that’s so special, but cannot be just about me, because it is also about my managing my illnesses and how they are never going away.

So here I am at home, resting, nursing a twice sprained ankle, a sore knee, a gastro intestinal tract that can’t deal with the excitement and nerves and lovely celebration dinner, a flu-like feeling and thermoregulation issues and malaise (so a fatigue flare up basically). But it was worth it.

I did it. And I’m going to keep doing it at my own pace as long as I can. I’ve been accepted for an honours year (or 2- part time) and I hope to do more after that. Disabled and chronically ill people belong in academia. Our voices are important.

#the ups and downs of chronic illness #chronic illness #gastrointestinal fuckery #graduation!! #disabled in academia #disabled academia #chronic illness academia #the fact that I can’t just uninstall my conditions for major life events is really inconvenient #and it’s sucks when you make sensible decisions and it doesn’t even help any way #I’m really salty at myslef for rolling my ankle-twice!!- bc it means I probably can’t even wear my very conservative heels safely anymore #also dw I am resting this whole weekend and am adhereing to the rice protocol re my injuries #my podiatrist is going to be sad when I tell him about my ankle woes #but yeah!! I got into honours -at the same school- and I’m doing it part time to better accomodate my health #and allow for some field work #which my doctors have cleared me for and I kind of have the mentality of if I don’t do it now who knows what else #my health will throw at me. so best do it now while I have some things under control #the plan is to go from the honours to PhD but we’ll see

[tellmegoodbye]

I've had some time to collect my thoughts after a couple of days so here they are even though nobody asked.

I really loved the finale. It was devestating, no doubt, but I think this is their best one yet and I absolutely loved how they handled it. There was so much grieving in this episode, not just from Carlos, but from Owen and Judd as well. But despite everything they chose happiness and the wedding ending up being beautiful and bittersweet and joyful all at once.

There has been the question of deleted scenes but there's really only one we've seen so far that I would have loved to see in the episode. Other than that, I'm just glad we get to have them all as extras. I don't think the wedding needed them though.

Another thing I'd like to add is that yes, sometimes storylines can feel rushed in shows where you have a lot of characters and especially if there are clear favorites within a fandom. There was a lot going on, but that doesn't necessarily mean any one character's storyline is less valuable than another's. I guess I'm speaking as less of a fandom member and just more as an enjoyer of the show if that makes any sense. I love all of the characters in this show, and while I would be lying if I said I liked every single storyline, that doesn't mean I wish they didn't happen. In this case, however, I loved all of the storylines and I think they all made sense together given the theme of this episode. I personally don't think any of them shouldn't have been there in favor of getting more wedding content.

Honestly, my only regret is not getting off of tumblr as soon as the final bts stuff started coming out. I'm pretty bad when it comes to guessing things so if I hadn't been aware of the theories I literally would have had no idea and it would have hit me so much harder. It still got me pretty good though.

Again these are just my opinions so feel free to ignore everything I say if you didn't feel the same. I'm happy though, and I'm going to continue being incredibly annoying about this show. ♡

#I'll just touch on this in the tags cayse more people have put this a lot more eloquently than I could #but in terms of the decision to kill of gabriel I know a lot of people feared two things #1) it was too close to the wedding 2) potential future storylines would take a hit #and if it had happened any other way I would have agreed with the second one #but the fact that we got that scene between him and carlos was really important #and they way it happened really opens the door for revisting this in the future #I would honestly be really surprised if they don't come back to this mystery because there's a lot of potential there #and speaking of potential I think we reallly started to see so much more of carlos and a side of his character that we've never seen before #him dealing with his grief and in the end chosing to allow himself to have his wedding #that moment between him and owen #I loved all of it and I know in shows like this it can feel like characters start to get stagnant but this is definitely not the case here #not just carlos but everyone else had moments this season that just showed us so much more of them #and it makes me excited for their character development and what future storylines will hold #anyway I think those are all of my thoughts #if you're going to say anything please be nice I don't really do well with negativity #I usually stay out of fandoms for actively airing shows because discourse isn't great for my mental health #but since y'all are like 90% lost shameless mutuals and 10% bots I feel safe enough to share my opinions publicly lmao #har rambles #911 lone star #weewoo rambles

[laliloon]

Really hoping right now that I’m not the only one who’s extremely concerned about the amount of other women (mainly on TikTok) vilifying birth control and claiming that it’s for “women’s health”. Like yeah birth control isn’t perfect but this idea that it should be disregarded entirely is like, incredibly detrimental.

#I have literally been begging to just see a doctor about the possibility of having birth control #solely because of how awful my cramps are #and the main response I get is either that it’s bad for my health or they would only allow it if my cramps were severe enough #like what do you mean severe enough I FEEL LIKE IM HAVING A RAKE BEING DRAGGED ALONG MY INSIDES #like I don’t think that speaking to a doctor about the possibility of reducing the severity of my periods when I have most of the symptoms #for fucking endometriosis would be particularly detrimental to me funnily enough #personal

[lilowoof]

Chilling in bed thoughts

This year has just basically been the eerie realization that I am the most unhappy I have every been in my life, and I am basically doing nothing about it.

LIKE, literally, I am just waiting to die, and have been for the last 7+ years, but on top of that, the mental and physical health is slowly getting worse. And despite that.....????? NOPE, not getting out of this chair!

It’s important to recognize that I’m doing this so maybe by airing out my chilling thoughts, I can hold myself accountable to try and like.........make it better? Cause everything that I used to love to do makes me feel nothing and this loneliness is getting unbearable!! I need to get out and try things or make new friends or......something!!!!! AUGH!!!!!!!

I have been trying to attend to some things and making sure I do basic hygiene and also getting back into exercising regularly, so maybe there is hope yet. I just need to keep on trying, no matter what :)

#though I will say this: the wrong kid died. and NO I will not elaborate unless I get paid big bucks $$$ #but yeah. the bleakness of the near future is scaring me and Im just like hhhahahahahaaahaahahaahha I wish I could just die #but that is not a solution #hopefully I can get therapy in the near future but that will have to wait for now cause no insurance to pay for it and my shitty home life- #-will basically mitigate any benefits from it me thinks. also I am not allowed to take meds for mental health things according to dad so - #-YEAH. THERES THAT! #seriously tho sometimes I think about that like. he will take horse meds to prevent covid but I am not allowed to get meds for mental health #anyways that's a rant for another day #me at future me: I hope one day you start to smile again at being alive because I don't want you to feel how I am feeling #text le text #don't get me wrong: there are a lot of good things that happened this year (den/game sessions/etc). but the bad things are getting worse too #idk #idk....... #we'll see what happens I guess

[mejomonster]

Anyone know if endometriosis can bloat u, make u vomit and in constant pain? ;-;

#rant #my health issues #in short i gotta research endometriosis before i see my obvyn in 3 weeks #they did a colonoscopy ans endoscopy in fall and inside of my gi tract is perfect #so they have no idea why i bloat 5 lbs then am in nonstop pain and bloat 10 then vomit nonstop #they have no idea why im constipated extremely nonstop since about july last year to an insane degree #like colon preps sometimes are the only thung allowing food to pass thru my gi tract insane #i literally couldnt eat solid food for 2 months in the fall my gi tract wouldnt work #i have pcos so im gonna ask for metaformin since it can help constipation maybe if thus is hormonal? #since im Worse the week before and during period #but also like. i wanna ask if its endo in case i need it surgically removed #since if its endo then ill suffer continually forever until its fixed :/ #its been almost a year im so tired and angry #also yeah somrthing is still causing nonstop tachycardia too. and fatigue. no doctors know whats causing it :c #im still so sick and its been almosy a yeaf and im really sad tbh bro