#i have the desire to create it

[arcaneyouth]

yknow maybe i should've been addressing my problems with my own art months ago

#vent post #negative #trying not to be super negative tho #i'm just. i have a lot of time. to make art #i have a lot of creative energy #i have the desire to create it #...and it's scaring me. i'm talking myself out of it. like i like it better in my head cause once it gets out of my head its #not right. #i thought i solved most of it. and i think i did. turns out i don't actually like people commenting on my art all that much #cause i've been trying to make myself marketable instead of having fun and it's been killing my urge to make art #but i guess that wasn't all of it. cause instead of freaking out about letting other people down #i'm freaking out about letting myself down #cause i guess i don't. like my art???? #this might be looping back around to the marketable thing tho cause i've been so scared to experiment with my art #and now i don't really remember how #which is pretty fuckin annoying #i just wanna have fun again. why does this feel so hard #i just want to make something because i want to make it not because it'll be the most perfect thing on the planet but i don't know how to #stop myself from thinking like that anymore!!!! i don't Know!! #i think i maybe should've started avoiding comments on my art way sooner. this isn't the fault of anybody who leaves comments on my art #but i think if i had recognized what was happening sooner this wouldn't have become so lodged in my head as it is #god it's really been like a year since this started. head in my hands

[hotpotghosts]

#chilaios #succubus!chilchuck #dungeon meshi spoilers #only bc I’m about to yell in my own tags about the succubus chapter #idk something about laios’ choking succubus marcille and immediately panicking and without hesitation thinking that he has to kill her #before anyone sees is just yeah I can blend that up into chilaios yeah #like yeah what if the succubus’ choice of person was dead on #they DO say they read the minds of the person to create their max desire and marcilles elf prince one talking + laios’ having monster #knowledge means that i can make succubus!chil a lil mean as a treat bc he knows laios is into chil #also i think it’s unclear here but I think it’d be neat if the succubus have insect eye reflection givin them that lil non human touch #maybe I’ll draw something making that more clear later #ALSO idk what to tag this yall do people use tumblr tags to filter content or would putting warning tags on this just make it breach #containment? if anyone wants anything tagged specifically in the future just drop me an ask i guess #also I’m going to write this as fic I swear but drawing is so much faster #ghostmakestuff

[shiraishi--kanade]

"It's so embarrassing to admit I only create art for validation" did paleolithic humans not paint for other humans to see. Does a child making their first drawing to show their parents makes it any less valuable. Do gardens arranged for the visitors' eyes make the roses any less beautiful. Do love poems written for one person alone to hear make your heart ache less. You're fine

#jay rambles.txt #two very hard pills to swallow: 1. art has always been created for money and it's a very normal practice in human history #and actually artists being expected to produce art for free or as cheap as they do now is a relatively new thing #2. humans have always created art for validation because being recognised and understood by your fellow humans is a universal human need #if you start to idealise artistry as something inherently selfless that needs to come with no gain or benefits or instead brings only pain #you are going down a VERY dangerous path of not being able to express yourself without shame - if at all #and potentially dragging other people you told close down into that mentality too if you're vocal about it #I've been there #I am there #It's a shitty feeling but the only way out of it is true embrace your need to be loved and desire for human connection or it won't end well #idk that's my opinion tho

[thcbolter]

(No "see results" option because I find that more non-gifmakers than actual gifmakers will engage with the poll if there's an option like that. If you aren't a gifmaker, this poll is not for you.)

#angel.txt #commentary on creation #polls #making this poll bc im genuinely curious about the mindset regarding the frustration over lack of reblogs and poor ''ratios'' #cause the vibe i genuinely get from some ppl is that they would rather have people not engage with their set at all #than have somebody engage by only liking it #ik the engagement stuff effects all artists but the reason this is for gifmakers only is bc 1) thats what this blog is for #and 2) people who create with other mediums have plenty of other sites to post to and curate engagement #but gifmakers really only have tumblr. so if their engagement desires aren't being met here they have no other options #of these my personal answer is somewhere between reblogs with comments and total note count #i could have a 5:1 reblog to like ratio but if all those reblogs are blank or just filled with ppl's organizational tags i get discouraged

[giveemgreef]

your 2023-2024 minnesota wild (girls just wanna have fun edition)

[inspired by]

#look. I am not a video editor but mr. jimmy brodin said they are just having fun with it. #and I was possessed with the need to slap some videos together to the soundtrack of cyndi lauper #could this have been better? yes. but I tragically have to work a job that interferes with my desire to create silly things online #and I've yet for someone to pay me for anything I've done here so #rip to all the clips left on the cutting room floor (my hard drive) #anyway enjoy the range in video quality here <3 love & light #oh also happy end of season wildblr beloved....we may not have playoffs but we have fun :)) and also love on our side #minnesota wild #wild lb #my.edit

[madohomurat]

ppl for real out here calling themselves "gay and straight" instead of just saying bisexual. or like. theyll be like "im both a lesbian and a gay man" as if its some wild and new thing for you to define your sexuality based on who you happen to be dating at that moment. biphobia isnt new sir. and no this is not me hating on an "identity i dont understand" either. i undrrstand that you are genderfluid, bisexual, or both, and harboring deeply rooted biphobic ideas.

you think youre "gayer" than other bisexuals. you think youre "more sapphic" than other bisexuals. you think you understand gender, gender nonconformity, and genderfluidness more than any other bisexual possibly could. and you also think that these thoughts are somehow good and enlightening rather than shallow, bigoted, closeminded. you need to sit down and think about why you are so disgusted with the idea being bisexual

#cy texts #discourse bullshit sorry #biphobia #i sound mad but im not mad rlly just thinking about how messed up it is how the bisexual label has been dissected like this #when its a label that was created as a way for bisexuals to have community and be heard #your desire to be involved and relate to every gay and lesbian experience has led to you actively burying and erasing bisexual experiences #why are you so desperate to other yourself from bisexuality

[magnusbae]

The Endless Family Death, Dream, Desire & Despair

#The Endless #dream of the endless #death of the endless #desire of the endless #despair of the endless #sandmancentral #thesandmanedit #sandmanedit #Dream #morpheus #lord morpheus #the sandman #buns.all #buns.edits #I wished to create a few more sets before releasing this into the world but it's been 3 months and I had no desire to play with it so #i'll just post it LOL #it's a pilot edit honestly i was always meant to make a more refined set but i just have no focus for this it's way too much work XD #i hope you still like it though~

[deargravity]

imayoshi: i’m here to offer moral support

aomine: with what morals

#knb #imayoshi shouichi #aomine daiki #i think they are so funny #they shld show more examples of imayoshi plotting and scheming #i love aomine’s poor first impression of imayoshi but the respect he simultaneously has for him #love imayoshi’s understanding of aomine as someone with baggage who just needs space instead of being coddled #teiko forcing a distance between aomine and the team because they didnt trust him #imayoshi creating space between aomine and the team because they all have unwavering faith in his skills #touou as the team of individualists bonded by their desire for victory and faith in aomine is so special to me #sorry for info dumping i cant be caught thinking tenderly abt imayoshi so i put it all in the tags #touou creating space for aomine without forcing a distance #touou redefining the idea of freedom as a testament to their trust rather than an indication of distrust #somethngnslmethingnfnfffff #AAAAAAAAAARRGGHHHJJJJJCJCCJFJFFUUKKKKKKKCCCKKK #sorry

[oldshrewsburyian]

Another reason ASOIAF needs some sort of version of Fantasy Canon Law™: I have no idea how/if/in what ways period sex in a sanctified space is taboo. Is this narratively likely to result in super-cursed situations? a child with an illness? who knows!!

...that this sex is incestuous is culturally taboo. But apparently this cultural taboo is comparatively recent and not universally accepted, which suggests that GRRM read One Specific Monograph about medieval households from 1986.

#a medievalist does got #am i going to create a tag for #fantasy canon law™ #? i am. it seems as though i might need it. #grrm critical #is this sex narratively doomed? check yes or no #i continue to have no idea what cersei's Deal is #she appears to desire both absolute power and ultimate solitude and these are not compatible goals! #asoiaf

[commsroom]

i think to really understand hera (and, by extension, her relationship with eiffel) you have to recognize that she values the same things he does. hera works harder than eiffel does because she has to, because more is riding on her doing her job, because the bare minimum she's allowed to get away with and not have everyone die horribly is... still kind of a lot of work, all of the time. and even then, she does the bare minimum when she can. she cuts corners she probably shouldn't. she hates drudge work. and she really hates being told what to do.

eiffel and hera are both prisoners on the hephaestus - and that they're the only two who really know they weren't given a choice is central to their bond as well - but, at the same time. eiffel both embodies and extends to hera a kind of freedom she wants very much. no one else has ever made room for her to goof off or wanted to talk to her about nothing, just wanted to hear her voice, just wanted to make her laugh. wanted to hang out with her and talk, just for a little while, even as he's falling asleep after days without rest.

that's what draws her to eiffel. "you hate rules as much as i do, don't you, doug?" because the first time she ever speaks to him, it's while he's clamoring around in the dark, clearly no idea what he's doing, not having paid attention to anything about the station or the mission or, of course, the rules. because she tells him about the contraband cigarettes floating out of his pocket and makes a point of keeping it a shared secret. she likes those things about him.

#wolf 359 #w359 #doug eiffel #hera wolf 359 #eiffera #i don't know. sometimes people want to girlbossify hera so bad #and she is very smart. and capable of so much. #but it's like. what cutter mistakes for ambition in hera is mostly just a desire to survive and be treated with basic respect #and she has to work a lot harder for that than other people do. and she shouldn't have to #and eiffel really does. create that space. in small ways but also #because he values her as a person and wants to be around her and her productivity could not be less important to him #this is why they need minkowski btw #in spirit eiffel and hera are minkowski's slacker roommates and she is begging both of them to get real jobs #also: #i still think a lot about hera only ever calling eiffel 'doug' when he can't hear her. and how #unlike with a lot of other characters. there's never a later moment where she calls him by his first name in a Meaningful Way #i have. some thoughts about that maybe. #i just. think about this a lot. how much eiffel and hera are a refuge for each other and how lucky that is #because i'm really not sure either of them would've made it without the comfort they offer each other and the faith they have in each other #nothing new but. they love each other very much and i love them

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake…. #I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour. #I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing? #y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day. #but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!! #I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

[dykedvonte]

Thoughts on Benny + The Followers of the Apocalypse?

Idk if you want them separate or together so I’ll give you a little of both.

I personally don’t care for portraying Benny as suicidally arrogant and pathetic. He’s a lot more capable than people in the fandom give him credit for and should def read and take his All Roads characterization into heart as it is canon. I think a lot of it stems from all the other major players and factions being so much more intimidating and equal to the player by the time you reach him and the general goofy aspect of his character like the slang and that god awful suit but he’s truly a force. He cons people, is capable in a fight and is not afraid of getting his hands dirty, he just doesn’t do things that could get him killed if he doesn’t. It’s only when the Courier gets involved that he starts facing repercussions for anything. It’s funny but I wish more peeps focused on his underlying aspects like the fact he is prideful and has a temper but at the same time isn’t belligerent. He goes on benders according to Swank so he really isn’t above all the “missing the tribal days” syndrome all the other Chairmen have. It’s something that always plagues me when I like a popular or well known character in fandom cause they always get dumbed down and it cuts out a lot of the stuff I like to focus on. It doesn’t help that I feel a lot of people treat him like he’s the worst character morally when like random side quest NPCs have definitely done worse than him to you and general on a good day.

For the followers, they are one of my favorite factions despite not being a consequential faction. They had a lot cut from them such as a quest line that had you expose Caesar by revealing all his ancient Roman shit was a farce as he learned it from his time in the Followers and not from Mars (a big reason Caesar has a kill on sight order for followers members or people who reveal they are educated) and just more agency. I think it’s funny they are so close to Vegas while standing against all it represents but I understand why they wouldn’t like it as so many people struggle with addiction and abuse in the Mojave due to how much it sucks to be there. I feel like if you had the option to incorporate them into an independent Vegas or NCR option in a major way they’d do wonders for the future of the Mojave since they universally just want to make living easier and healthier. They are a bunch of pills but they don’t let that get in the way of their goals. I also enjoy how they make anyone who is helpful or just lost a follower (a cut quest lets Rotface join if you encourage him to be better and he’s actually happier for it!!!). I wish we got more random follower NPCs and encampments but New Vegas barely can function with all it has already so I get why their stuff was cut but man does it suck. I think I’d be a follower if I was in the Mojave.

As for Benny AND the Followers? I think Benny appreciates them as a former Boot Rider and tribal. They help those in need and I feel like there’s unspoken solidarity between raiders/tribals and the followers as they likely got healed a lot. If Benny had the power I feel like he’d make them a part of Vegas as like a thank you because y’know, the honor and loyalty is a big part of Chairmen culture past and present. After Emily ehh…. as long as she doesn’t bring it up. They probably wouldn’t accept due to it being Vegas but Benny is just like an annoying old friend to the followers. He’s probably stopped by on his many escapades trying to overthrow House and they tolerate him as a useful in/tie to Vegas power dynamics. He’d make a shitty doctor and most Followers have shit poker faces.

#I have strong opinions on fandom interpretations and I often don’t reblog a lot of material outside my own stuff #or follow a lot of fandom blogs cause it will literally make me leave a fandom if fanon is unbearable to me like #I try to interpret characters pretty close to canon unless it’s in a shit post #Benny would hump and dump before he like fell love with anyone realistically but that’s the fun part #of creating the situation where he would rather than changing him to fit a desire #fallout #fallout new vegas #benny gecko #benny fnv #followers of the apocalypse #ask #anon

[dysfunctional-doodle]

Wrote another fic but forgot to share it anywhere, whoops.

This is from my latest TMNT fic , All I Ever Wanted, where I decide to make 2003 Mikey lose his arm in the cannon universe because apparently I can’t stop writing angst about this poor turtle.

#tmnt #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt mikey #tmnt raph #tmnt donnie #tmnt leo #tmnt angst #angst #too much angst #literally me torturing my favourite character for 3000 words but oh well #tmnt fanfic #ao3 fic #fanfiction #fanfic #i will create art for this I swear #and maybe a part 2 if I have the random desire at 2am #tmnt fandom #tmnt 2003 donnie #tmnt 2003 mikey #fanfiction snippet #sainw #tmnt sainw

[oheck-trainwreck]

like father like daughter

#in honor of phil crashing so often recently have this silly little doodle #sorry for so many sketchy doodles lately #i have a headache but an uncontrollable desire to create #so this is the compromise #qsmp philza #qsmp #qsmp fanart #qsmp tallulah #doodles

[mister13eyond]

talking to a friend about getting back into art and i think the #1 most important piece of art advice i could ever get or give is just "figure out what is FUN to you"

like i think there is sooooo much emphasis on how to build SKILL in art but a lot of it really treats art like a job or like video game grinding, like it's this thankless job that you have to work at in order to reach a Threshold and i know it's not EASY to make yourself have fun but like

imo a solid 70% of the reason i create art is because the Act of Drawing is fun to me. it's fun problem-solving and planning and putting down lines and playing with colors and tools. it's fun to depict little scenes in my head or to create outfits or to find ways to fill the canvas. never forget that creating can be fun. sometimes it's hard and sometimes you have to battle through your own blockades to get there but the ultimate goal should always be to ENJOY it, to find what you enjoy doing and then do it forever. improvement will follow enjoyment.

i think especially with all the debate about ML image generation it's more important than ever to embrace FUN. if you're only focused on the end result it's so easy to get in your own head- to think about what doesn't look good or what skills you don't have yet or to compare yourself to other artists. but photography didn't kill the art of drawing and AI won't either because, simply put, there will always be people who want to do the physical act of making art because it's fun to do! using paints and markers, splashing colors around, doing shitty pen doodles, using the symmetry tool in your art program to do abstract mandalas that are just squiggles formed into patterns. do art like you're 5 and you've been handed markers to pass the time. do art like you're bored in class and you're keeping your brain entertained by drawing stick figure comics in the margins. do art like an absent thing, do art because it satisfies your brain. the goal is not to make something beautiful and perfect, the goal is to make something because your hands need to make and your body needs to make.

#i know and love so many people who have intense anxiety about their ability to create art and who are so hard on themselves about the result #and i think that's a REALLY easy thing to feel because creating is also vulnerable & physically difficult and there is SOOOO much to master #but i think for me the people who churn out 300 colored pencil front facing hands behind their backs oc doodles on lined notebook paper- #are the ones with the right idea. they're the ones i aspire to be like #i'm not saying i never struggle either bc tbh #as someone with depression and adhd there are times where the Act of Having Fun is simply not possible #sometimes i CAN'T enjoy things because my ability to feel joy is locked behind a barrier of my mental illness #so i don't think it's an Easy thing to do by far and I don't think you can just Magically Make Yourself Happy And Having Fun #but i DO think that experimenting in a low-stakes low-pressure manner until you find something that clicks in your brain helps #doing things for the sake of doing them is the only way to figure out which ones WILL be fun to you #not all of them will. some things will feel like a slog #but i think you have to look for the passion before you're able to face the slog #if you jump right into the parts that are Hard and Challenge Your Limits it's easy to spin your wheels and get stuck #but if you focus on the super small stakes and the things that are thoughtless and focused more on Sensation- #the sensory experience of mixing paint or the scratch of pencil on paper or the smooth way a specific pen makes lines- #then you can lose yourself in the physical aspect of it FIRST #and then once you've started really ENJOYING those sensations you can start learning new ways to use them #because now you have the drive to want to do more #now you have the desire to find new ways to apply this thing you like doing #long post #even longer tags #art #drawing #artists #art advice

[slugpup2]

have i talked enough about how much these two ruined my life (positive)

#touhou #marisa kirisame #alice margatroid #mariali #shanghai doll #my art #this was gonna be for mariali day but i was busy yesterday and didn't have time to finish it #anyways mariali was like THE thing that motivated me to get better at art #i mean touhou in general got me to draw a lot again #but the desire to create more lesbian magician content for the world was a major factor #i think their brainrot is starting to wear off but it hit hard man