#i hate being impulsive | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

meatyliver · 9 months

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aughhdgehehehhe tags vent

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ghoulgums · 9 months

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How's things?

I am mad at myself

I found my dream jacket on a good deal but can’t afford it because I already spent my money wah

#anon #personal #I hate being impulsive #especially with money

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emails-i-cant-send · 11 months

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IM CRYING I MIGHT DIE WHAT THE FUCK

#este.txt #I HATE BEING IMPULSIVE

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batcavescolony · 3 days

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I feel like comic writers and some fans have forgotten that Young Justice is mostly about the girls. The main storylines were about Secret/Greta, Cissie, and Anita. The boys were there but they had their own runs. Take Young Justice Dark Crisis, yeah it's all about the boys IF you only read the first 5 ish comics. After that it's either big comic events or about the girls. Really the girls are the main characters of Young Justice, the boys are there to draw people in.

#young justice 98 #young justice #young just us #anita fite #empress #cissie king jones #arrowette #wondergirl #cassie sandsmark #secret #greta hayes #superboy #kon el #impulse #bart allen #robin #tim drake #dc comics #comics #comic books #dark crisis #young justice dark crisis #dark crisis young justice #yj98 #i heard someone say that they couldn't make a YJ 98 show cus then id be all about boys. the storylines are Cissie and her stepping away from #being a hero. secret trying to find out who and what she is. Anita and her dads death/parents undeath and he relationship with yj. its about #cassie finding herself out and BECOMEING THE LEADER of Young Justice. hell theirs also Red Tonados daughter Traya who was born in another #country. the girls in her school hate crimed her for it. tell me that aint still relevant! Cissies therapist doied in a school shooting and #the news blamed it on video games and violent media so she went off on them... then tried to kill the people who killed her therapist.#these are the main storyline of yj!

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soracities · 2 months

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if we should protect children because they are vunerable, this means you would protect cruel children who bullies people who different than them then. the children who responsible to trauma for someone else's entire years

You're assuming that "protecting" children is the same as absolving them of responsibility and that's not what I said. All children are vulnerable, because all children are children; they don't come out of the womb with a perfectly working moral compass anymore than they come out of it waiting to hurt people--they're vulnerable because their understanding of the world is entirely at the mercy of what we, as adults, consistently tell them and show them. Children behaving cruelly aren't exempt from that--they learn that cruelty from somewhere, or someone. Your job, as the adult, is to make sure they understand that it's unacceptable so it will not happen again--but your job is also to ask why someone that young is behaving this way to begin with, so you can ensure they become better.

"Protecting" kids is not ignoring when they hurt or torment others, it's not refusing to teach them consequences or right from wrong, it's not "zero tolerance" policies in schools that treat a child being bullied and the child bullying them as equal instigators, and it's certainly not protecting them from recognizing, and atoning for, the pain they have caused someone else. You don't have to make peace with the now-adults who hurt you when you both were kids, but you cannot let the horrors of your own childhood impact how you treat or respond to the children living theirs around you right now, either.

You don't protect kids so they can get a free pass for bullying or tormenting another child. You protect them because kids are impulsive, emotionally reactive, and profoundly social (which means deeply impressionable) human beings who are still learning & processing insane amounts of information every day about what it means to be alive, to be alive as yourself, to be alive as yourself with other people. Protecting them is realising that you can't isolate the responsibility of a 10 year old from the bigger responsibility of the literal grown adults around them, adults who are in charge of teaching them about the world and how to behave in it. Whether you have children of your own in the future or not is completely irrelevant to this; we all become those adults eventually--no matter what happened to us as kids.

#ask #Anonymous #i dont want to keep repeating myself on this but we're all carrying fucked up and traumatizing childhoods to some extent and if you want to #spare another child going through the same thing the solution is not to hate on children bc they didnt ask to be born any more than the res #of us did. but they're here now and what are you going to tell them while they are?#what kind of an adult and what kind of a compass are you going to become for them during the time they're learning about being alive?#and if you decide its not your problem the minute this child says or does something fucked up and that they're a lost cause at the age of 8 #bc their impulse control is shitty and their empathy & understanding is still buffering then that is part of the problem. they learn what #they're doing is okay and then they keep doing it--to other kids and years later other adults. our world is fucked up and makes fucked up #people and if you have it in your ability to limit that damage at its most formative and dangerous point then why wouldn't you?#notes from elsewhere

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homocrafting · 5 months

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do you ever think about whatever the hell is going on with Impulse and Etho in the life series. like what is up with that

imagine you're ethoslab and you're playing this new death game for the first time. people are making alliances, and there's a war brewing- you know what side you're on. You're with the King, you are one of his men, and you live in a wool castle with your ally, the closest to you if only due to physical proximity. he doesn't come home a lot, but that's fine. You're still close.

Then the castle burns, more than once, and you really should have expected that. With time you'll start seeing burning houses as a sign, maybe a metaphor, but not now. You aren't yet aware of your penchant for bases susceptible to fire. You're more worried about your things.

Then the war hits, and you're not sure when, but you realize this guy- the one who was on your side, the one who lived with you- has turned on you. Is it turning on you if he was never on your side at all? But you thought you were friends, so it kind of hurts when he's the one who takes your last life.

The second time you do this he's not your friend at all- he chose the south, and that's alright with you. Your team is, frankly, the best. You have a best friend who might be something more, and though you have no castle, he helps you build a snow fort. Things are good. Then they aren't so good anymore, but you make them good again, even if at the expense of your other teammates. To you he matters more, so you keep him close.

You don't think of him much, the guy who betrayed you and killed you. Maybe you should have, but you have better this time.

Until he helps spawn that wither, and then it all comes crashing down, and in the end you choose being a survivor over being a friend. In the end, you can't give your life to a dead man. In a way, he killed you again.

The third time you don't quite believe it when your best friend is soulbound to him. Your best friend says they're happily married; you ask him if he's sure, he says of course he's sure, and that's how he takes you best friend from you twice.

You're not sad with your soulbound- it's a new experience, you never talked to him much before. This time your ally is the one who builds a base. No one wastes any time in pointing out how flammable it is. You both know it will burn soon enough.

But when it does you burn the whole world down with it, and in the end you both team up with your best friend and the one who killed you in more ways than one. You think he's happy, though. You kind of wish he weren't.

They betray you again. The portal's trapped, it couldn't have been anyone but them. It feels fitting, that you burn too. It's the third time he takes your life.

(If you asked he would tell you it wasn't them- your best friend would tell you they would never, and you'd believe the latter but not the former. You never ask.)

The two of you are there for the fourth round, too. By now you know how these games work. You ally with the people you were with when you truly first met your best friend, except this time he isn't there.

This time, you look at him- at the man who's killed you twice, now- and he looks back. You know he's not sorry. You aren't either.

He asks you about your cows, if you want to combine forces. You aren't fully sure what it means when you accept it, this feeling you get, but it doesn't feel wrong when you're allies. You know what he is- he's one to play from all sides, he's a traitor, he's your ally, he's the one with the backup plan, he's the reason you've died so many times. He's resourceful, he's smart, he's tricky, he's the type to pretend he's less than he is.

You can never fully trust him, but vaguely, you know he doesn't want that. You cheer for him, when he's the last of your team standing.

You aren't sure what to think of him, when you see him in the fifth game, but you know and he knows, so you guess it's fine.

#impulsesv #impulse #etho #ethoslab #trafficblr #life series #ecstra explosions #I FORGOT MY GODDAMN WRITING TAG #uhhhh. fuck it new one #ecstra content #that'll do. proabably #anyway this got a littls out of hand I had Not meant to make it dramatix but I think that one Bee fic with cleo and etho changed my brain-#-chemistry so you get this! I guess!#not sure if it's read more worthy but I hate clogging dashes so #anyway I find it crazy no one talks about them. like girl what. how are you not seeing all this #shoutout to The People for being my most based friend ever and also thinking about them

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bookworm-2692 · 1 year

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Life Tracker updated for Episode 7! This one is much quicker than Episode 6 on account of not being on holiday at the time, even though there were two thirds more deaths this time. Previous posts: Session 6, Session 5, Session 4. Also Session 8 (finale) post!

As usual, close ups and commentary below the cut. I’ve also added another graph for the average time of each team, which will also be below the cut.

There was so much carnage! 45 whole deaths in a single session! Not all deaths were awarded time during the session, but Scott’s video advised that it would be added by next session, so I have taken the liberty to add all the time as I see fit, hence why Scott is back to 7.5 hours. I haven’t seen every episode yet (in fact, other than Scott, I’ve only seen those that have perma-died), so I’m not sure if anyone else’s time is a mismatch, but if so I’m happy to explain where I’m getting my time additions and subtractions from!

Now for some close ups.

First, there was enough chaos that I decided to take a close up of Session 6 and 7 together so we can properly appreciate it:

And a close up of Session 7 by itself:

So many people lost major time, so it’s interesting to see Scott’s uptick of time at the end - he ended on only 30 minutes less than he would have been if he hadn’t died at all this session. Pearl didn’t die at all, and got the kill credit for Martyn blowing himself up in a trap, so she actually ended the session 30 minutes better than she started it. Grian also did very well for himself - he killed and died so many times, but somehow ended on the exact time he would have been on if he had experienced a peaceful deathless session.

BigB, Cleo, and Martyn all ended the session 1 hour poorer than they started, and Bdubs and Scar ended 1.5 hours below where they would have been. Nosy Neighbours are thus doing super well, with Mean Gills and Clockers not too far behind, in terms of maintaining position from the start of the session.

TIES had an awful time this session, with Impulse and Tango both losing a net 2 hours, and Etho and Skizz losing a net 2.5 hours - and obviously Skizz entirely died.

Joel possibly had the worst time, losing a net 3.5 hours this session - though it didn’t help that 5 of his 7 deaths were all caused by the one person. Technically Jimmy didn’t do too badly, given he only lost a net 1.5 hours... but given that he was out of the series only an hour into the session, and also the first out entirely... it really didn’t go well for him either

I also find it interesting the sheer number of vertical lines this graph, the ones representing a death immediately followed by a kill or vice versa. I would love to figure out a way to show only one line at a time on the graph, so we can more easily see someone’s journey, but I haven’t had time to look into it yet.

Now onto the graph of the average times per team.

This one is super interesting to me, especially TIES’s line - they had the lowest average life right from the start, but somehow by Session 4, through Session 5, and for most of Session 6, they were the team with the highest average time, and then it quite literally went downhill from there. The only thing saving them from being last now is the fact that the Bad Boys are down to only a single living player, and even then Grian is doing far better than most of TIES.

It’s also interesting to me how Mean Gills had a significant time uptick at the end of both Session 6 and Session 7 (the first due to Martyn and the second due to Scott). Scott’s time was so high that it kept Mean Gills’ average time as yellow for all of Session 6 despite Martyn being red for most of it... and Martyn then got enough kills to keep it there. Mean Gills is also the only team in the entire graph to anywhere gain such consistent significant time.

These averages also coincide with the comments I made above about the time offset difference for each player from the start to end of the session. Mean Gills are doing well, but they’ve been doing well for so long that I’m sure most players are aware that they need to be a target. Nosy Neighbours are also doing well but I feel like they’ve flown under the radar, and are not a significant target right now.

Here is a close up of this graph with Sessions 1-4:

And the close up for Session 5-7:

And the Session 7 only close up:

I kept the dead players in the teams’ averages, since I think it is a better reflection of the teams’ strength as a whole, but I also created a version that excluded dead players. In those screenshots you can really see Bad Boys’ and TIES’ time jumping up at a death, instead of falling as it did here.

Here are the alternate averages graph:

And close ups:

This makes Bad Boys look a lot better, because Grian does have a lot of time... but he is also alone. And there is definitely strength in numbers. Two players at an hour and a half each can fend off an attacker more easily than a single player at three hours can... unless nerves and panic get to them, as we definitely saw this session.

Wow and I almost forgot to include the raw data for this session!

The first hour of the session:

The second hour of the session:

There is just so much death! Look at all the box outlines!! I could barely fit this data on two screens on the zoom I was on, and I did not want to zoom out further.

I also obviously have data for the averages, but it was too far away from the column with the times on it that I wasn’t sure if it would still be useful on its own? Let me know if you want to see it!

This has once again been fascinating to see, and I cannot wait to see how Session 8 will go. Will it be the last session? Will they go until everyone is dead? Will they somehow have enough people with enough time to get to Session 9? Will Mean Gills be the final two and get to play fun relaxing games like Scott was suggesting?

Only time will tell.

#limited life smp #24lsmp #limlife #once again i hate trying to work out what tags for a post #i got to this point in the tags before i realised i forgot to add the number data #i still love that impulse accidentally killed scott and became yellow again #and that scott also became yellow again #so there was less than 14 minutes between there still being two yellows on the server... and jimmy permadying #thirteen minutes and 41 seconds exactly by my calculations #which is crazy given we had whole sessions of yellows only #which meant it was hours between last green and first red #so less than a quarter of an hour between last yellows (and two of them!) and first permadeath is crazy #i always ramble in the tags bc i dont know how to wrap the post up #why do i always post these as im going to bed #its after midnight and im yawning now #anyway enjoy!#very glad i got to post this before the weekend ended this time #well it was still sunday when i started writing the post #its 12:15am on monday now. technically #my spreadsheets

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sunscall · 7 months

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dennis saying "we spend every waking minute together [with charlie and frank], it'll be good for us to keep our distance" as an excuse to not share a table with them during his monthly dinner with mac... as if he and mac aren't the ones who ACTUALLY see each other 24/7 since not only do they work together, but they also literally live together too. incredible.

#good for us to keep our distance suree #it's funny bc he said the same thing when he realised hes codependent w mac after dee called him out for it #and now hes using the good to keep our distance reason to not share the table w charlie and frank #so mac and him can have their monthly date together without them #so basically he used to say it to get out of his codependency w mac and now hes using it to be even more codependent on mac #i mean s8 wise. not rly now now #im aware that dennis also just hated the idea of approaching them first for ego reasons btw #i just think that dennis sometimes seems pretty unaware #like hes painfully aware but also unaware bc hes deep in denial if that makes sense??#like how hes so yuck at the fact of being a partner/lover whatever to mac #and says the i sleep w women but im emotionally involved w mac line as a pretend thing #without realising that hey thats. thats literally it. thats the literal truth to their relationship tbh #i kinda think he does realise it but he buried it deep and sometimes it'll hit him hard randomly and he would do impulsive things thus #whatever idk #macdennis #iasip posting

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miss-eli-starfleet · 27 days

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Okay. This post is gonna be about Bart Allen, and all the Thawne-Allen stuff.

Tagged bc we both love Bart’s Thawne Allen problem: @themaybewoman

This is what I’ve gathered so far about his existence is hopefully comic accurate, but maybe not continuity accurate:

It starts with Iris West. Apparently, it’s recently revealed to me (today) that this girl is actually from the 31st century. Because of the semi-dystopian era of her birth, her real parents sent her back in time to the 21st century to keep her safe. She was adopted by the Wests, but she doesn’t know her future origins until later on.

She meets Barry as a news reporter, and they marry. When they were thinking about having kids, Reverse Flash/Eobard Thawne comes along and murders her because his likes to make Barry’s life as miserable as possible. But because she’s from the future, her parents found some magic comic book science to “revive” her, thus placing her in the 31st century to live her life.

Barry finds out she’s alive in the future, and basically goes into retirement to live with her in the 31st century. He passes the mantle of The Flash to Wally West. Why he doesn’t just get her and bring her back to the 21st century, I’ll never know. Or he just wanted her to be with her real parents (which i would assume she barely knows lol).

I was trying so hard to find out why Barry decided to raise their children in the 31st century, but we have our answer there. Iris is future girl. Their children, Don and Dawn Allen, later operates as the Tornado Twins much like Barry did as the Flash. In Central City, I’m assuming. There was some clashing with the Legion of Superheroes, basically the 31st century’s version of the Justice League, but whatever. Not really important to Bart’s existence.

Dawn Allen marries Jeven Ognats. They have a daughter named Jenni Ognats, who later joins the Legion of Superheroes as XS. Jenni is Bart’s cousin.

Don Allen marries Meloni Thawne, and that’s where this gets more complicated.

Meloni Thawne is the daughter of Earthgov President Thaddeus Thawne, who irrc is a direct descendant of Eobard Thawne. When President Thawne learned of this marriage, the dude’s pissed because the Thawne-Allen feud is still on in his mind. He disowns his daughter, indirectly has the Tornado Twins killed via Dominators, and then kidnaps Bart.

Idk where Barry is in all this, maybe he went into the Speedforce and just chilled there through all this?

Now Bart had this hyper-accelerated aging thing going on as a side effect of being born a speedster (I think). Like nearly a teen by two yrs I think. Thawne grandfather stuck him in this VR so he can grow up “normally”, intending to make him a living weapon against the Flashfam. I’m pretty sure Meloni was locked up or something during that period of time too? Otherwise she would’ve done something about this.

Iris kidnaps Bart, and takes him to the 21st century via the Flash Museum’s Cosmic Treadmill (how they used that idk), hoping that Bart would have Wally West as a mentor. Instead, Wally ditches him to Max Mercury to be trained, and it plays on his low self esteem. Wally was pretty mean to him at some times, like when he gets recruited for the Teen Titans as Kid Flash.

But, hey, Wally did run him around the world fast enough to fix his accelerated aging problem.

Anyways, he gets some visits from his other cousin, Jenni, and his mom in the Impulse 1995 series, which was so fun to read. It was so cool to read them talking to each other in Interlac he Max being all confused.

This all makes me wonder: was Meloni ever Don’s lightning rod? As to Iris is Barry’s lightning rod?

#POV: you marry the daughter of the man who rlly hates you #POV: you suddenly find you’re actually from the future and then die and then get revived there #dc #dc comics #the flash #barry allen #bart allen #impulse #dc universe #kid flash #young justice #Wally west #someone correct me if I’m wrong about any of this #I was just trying to figure out why tf the tornado twins were being raised in the 31st century #POV: you’re the grandson of two rival families and they fight over you #speedforce #speedsters

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wrylu · 3 months

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idk why i'm so moody these days but i find my despair funny

aka my average day as of now

#1. impulsive silly thoughts #2. STOP FORGETTING TO EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!1 please :3 (note for myself me myself and i)#3. i get sad 🥱#4. tired #(tumblr deleted half of my tags. isnt that nice though you wont have to listen to my essay of vents nobody wanted to hear that)#vent art #wrylu #lu's canvas #negative thoughts below :) have some flowers 💐#sometimes i feel like i should get up more and spend time with my family i miss how it used to be #but you know what i suck and im practically glued to my chair and im lazy like if i was one of the 7 deadly sins i would be sloth #im surprised im not dead yet #this is purely for myself to speak my poor mind #no i actually hate this #i wanna die #i wish i was dead #not really #but still #i wish time just stopped so i can re evaluate my life #and whoa damn dysphoria makes an appearance ever #i wish i had a schlong (funny)#this is awful #sometimes i feel manipulative like i switch my emotions and personalities so hard #am i manipulating you guys??#i feel like im being sad for attention #ugh i hate that the internet is my comfort #thats bad isnt it #i feel like an attention seeker #why am i even writing this 🥱🥱#i cant wait to fall asleep forever

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eternallovers65 · 8 months

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Thoughts about dramatrio as a forever viewer (and occasionally bad and baghera viewer)

RP WISE!!!! DON'T GO BOTHER THE CC'S

From q!forever's perspective, you can see how the dramatrio was always a duo and not a trio. qbad and qbaghera do not trust forever, and if they do, they don't trust him enough for their secrets.

- They never supported qforever during his presidency (qbad did vote for him, tho). qbad always complained about everything forever did, even tho qforever always tried to listen to him and everyone else.

- qbaghera did not told him the secret about her childhood, but she told qbad. Just like bad didn't tell qforever about the fed worker he kidnapped but he told qbaghera.

- "Oh but qforever took his waystone first" he did that because he asked for an item and no one helped him, so he got tired of helping people but no one helping him

- Also, qbaghera is dapper's mom, and qbad is pomme's dad. qforever was never included in this conversation.

- They say forever will get easily manipulated by the federation because he's the president, but yesterday both bad and baghera said they don't think cucurucho is bad

- They both banned forever from their houses

Anyway, they like to have forever around for the fun part of it, to joke and all but when stuff get serious they don't tell him anything and keep talking about him behind his back. And the only people that actually trust qforever is the favelafive

#i saw people saying that qbaghera was in a lose lose situation yesterday but idk you tell bad but you dont tell forever???#'oh because hes the president“ when did qforever ever betrayed his best friends??? during the whole pill arc he still tried to help cellbit #also the whole argument goes to shit because now bad and baghs are saying cucurucho isnt bad as if he didn't lock up phil or torture cellbi #this was always a duo during the serious moments and only blind people dont see this and say qforever is acting like a child #and i think this started when q!forever hit leo during his attack but even tho he redeemed himself foolish doesnt hate him for that #and has forgiven him somehow baghera and bad dont and they have this idea that forever is impulsive even tho he can be quite the strategist #when he wants and again he always does everything for everyone and theres zero retribution from them i mean forever literally did that part #for bad two days ago and told he would try to make bad and baghera happy even tho he doesnt know whats going on with them bc they dont tell #anyway im tired of forever being the good guy always i need him to actully wake up and just stop caring #qsmp #qbaghera #qbadboyhalo #qforever

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eldragon-x · 1 year

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wait what trauma does bill have?

smiles. I'm so glad you ask, I'm pulling out the extra-canon lore.

We have a few points to get an idea of what Bill's old home world was like, mostly from the AMA and Journal 3.

Edwin Abbott Abbott is the author of "Flatland" a novella about a 2D world of the same name. Flatland is an incredibly bleak world where not only the world itself it a simple plane with no depth, but the dystopia of a social system depends on a hierarchy and the heads of society surpress any information about other dimensions through imprisonment at best and execution at worst and anything that deviates from the norm is shunned and shut down and at worst killed off.

Journal 3 references Flatland with Exwhylia, implying Bill may be from a similar dimension as it.

And looking at all that, it's easy to see how Bill "hates restrictions and loves outsiders and is a weirdo" Cipher grew to hate it all enough so to burn it down, especially considering triangles were low on the social ladder. And suddenly this scene

holds more weight doesn't it.

Additionally, it seems to be implied that Bill had a rather bad upbringing based on Hirsch saying his relationship with his family was "worse than Stan's" on the NYCC 2015 and Journal 3 specifying that Bill killed his parents alongside everyone else in his dimension:

Also maybe not neccessarily trauma but defenetly falls under "Bill has massive issues": The Axololt implying that Bill, despite all this, regrets destroying his dimension so much that he's deeply unhappy about it and his happy over the top jokester personality is somewhat of a persona:

Hope this helps 👍

#kinda projecting because by God I know what it's like to go through things and get to the point of hating the entire world but he has-#-issues that much is clear #that being said none of this excuses anything and it was reckless of him to just burn down an entire world and imo it reflects how-#-incredibly selfish and impulsive and extreme he can be but that's another topic okay bye #gf #bill tag

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wormy-worm · 2 months

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ok u know what maybe if the world isn't ready for sunrazer post that means that the world IS ready for Amoveous siblings post. This is Milo and Enho and theyre my DARLINGS and i love them SO MUCH. i have. SOOOOOOOO many thoughts abt them but after the previous post massacre i do not really feel like typing all of that xoxo love <3

#THESE DRAWINGS HAVE BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS LOL #meart #original character #robot oc #ily enho ily milo my darlings my angels my loves my funny robot guys.#ive posted abt Andromeda on here b4 if u remember her Enho is her best friend !!!!!#Enhos a battle robot who doesnt want 2 fight people..#hes the oldest sibling and theres a lot resting on their shoulders!#shes supposed to be this big metal protector but U.U she just wants to hide in his room.. and make music for the internet..#him and andy have this whole arc abt like. autonomy and identity and junk #being as andy is a government experiment who was raised to be a superhero who. has not yet realized that she HATES being a superhero lol #Enho inspires her!#milo um. does his own thing. he was the second amoveous bot and he is lucky to have been built without the responsibility of a battle bot #which means hes a LOT weaker. doesnt have a million weapons and lasers and such like enho does. no one expects much of him. he HATES IT!!!!#he wants to be POWERFUL! he wants to HURT PEOPLE!! he wants to be USEFUL!!! hes ANGRY ALL THE TIME #its EXSAUSTING.#yk that tinkerbell thing thats like. cuz shes so small she can only feel one emotion at once. and its so big it consumes her entirely?#hes that. he lives entirely in extremes. everything is 100% for him #he jumps to conclusions so quick and so violently.. hes incredibly impulsive and it gets him into a lot of trouble.#hes also a total NERD!!! GOOB!!! says mlady unironically. likes bad computer games. wears a stupid tie everyday. cartoonishly schemes 24/7 #enho for the record is also a pretty angry person. they just dont rlly express it. they dont express much of anything lol.#shes semiverbal on a talkative day. he can be REALLY REALLY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE THO. THAT MF CAN BE SO PETTY. GOOFY ASS #but shes TERRIFIED she'll lose control of her emotions and her body and that shell hurt someone someday. absolutely terrified.#enho is as afraid of his strength as milo is of his weakness. theyre both two ends of the same extremes in a lot of ways.#polar opposites and yet exactly the same. they resent each other a lot. they need to learn to meet each other in the middle.#anyway ''i dont feel like typing all that'' and then i ramble in the tags for ten million years lol ToT I LOVE THESE GUYS #theyre my oldest ocs in this universe and i have so many thoughts if you have any questions feel free to ask me lol

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celecaster · 23 days

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This isn't the best or even most fitting example of what I mean by the last post but it's the most adjacent one I can think of right now: when people talk about the suicidal with sentiments like 'There's nothing you could have done' or 'In the end they would have done it regardless of what you said or did', alongside a focus on the feelings of those left behind [ 'I'm angry they never reached out, I wish they just told me they felt that way!' ]

This is particularly in the case of people who commit suicide out of loneliness and alienation. If your material reality is that people don't remember you, don't reach out to you, or even treat you like a nuisance and mask neglect as politeness [ this last one is something I have similar thoughts and feelings about and will elaborate on separately ], there is an undeniable cause-and-effect going on here. It reads to me as nothing but a denial of the obvious reality to claim otherwise and discount that people who never receive attention are lonely and act on that loneliness.

And this is where I say politeness, norms, fear or whatever concept best symbolises what I'm gesturing to plays in. I know why people say 'there's nothing you can do,' but I feel like others don't know, they buy into it so hard that to question it is seen as baseless cynicism.

People don't want to feel 'at fault' if somebody they cared about kills themselves from loneliness because it implicates them poorly. It makes them look 'blameworthy.' So instead of acknowledging that a person who is neglected will try to cope with that neglect even through a drastic measure like suicide, they view the suicide 'from their peripheral vision'.

Nobody knows what could have caused it! Or it was caused by the vaguely-defined Depression™ [ the phenomenon of 'mental illness as a Private, Personal Possession and a characteristic that rises Intrinsically is another one of these 'this is not reality' things ]! Or yes it was caused by the loneliness but the loneliness existed in a vacuum and had nothing to do with the people who were neglecting you! Etcetera etcetera.

It drives me crazy! I get that the 'left behind' already feel survivor's guilt but this feels like the most mean-spirited way of going about it. Even direct dismissal for its explicit cruelty is at least explicit. The problem I have with this and all these other 'this is not reality' phenomena that I am gesturing to is how 'subtle' they are, how they present as 'something else', how insidious it feels. It's like dishonesty but not actually dishonesty, it's not malicious but it feels as cruel. It's not a dismissal of the opposing idea on the basis of disagreement, it's the refusal to treat the opposing idea with the dignity that it even exists. That anything else is past contrarianism and is practically psychosis, people claiming you have inability to 'see' reality for what it is while also presenting a social construct as an ontological law of nature.

And the 'unnecessary etiquette' here is that this is only a coping mechanism 'necessitated' by a culture/mindset that places value in 'blame' to begin with. Somebody being 'at fault' and 'to blame' isn't an ontological force. There is no physical law of material reality that makes people have to do this! There is absolutely nothing stopping us from accepting that you are not 'responsible' for keeping people alive or that you are the unilateral reason why a suicidal person might die and that actual, real life, material neglect has actual, real life, material consequences!

The concept of 'blame' here is the abstract meandering that we should give no importance to and yet it feels like everyone implicitly 'justifies' its presence—you affirm it 'exists' by the act of affirming it as something to avoid—and the thing that actually exists and actually spurred the suicide (the loneliness) is the thing that gets corroded and translated into abstraction. It's simultaneously a reaction to circumstances but something that arises intrinsically, a coping mechanism but something that just happens, a well-documented psychological phenomenon but a mystery about the philosophical nature of the mind, a consequence of neglect but with the supposed absence of the people who do the neglecting.

And when people make it about the grief about the loved ones who 'wish they (the suicidal person) just reached out' it feels even more insidious, like it's not enough to reduce the death to abstraction, but now even the emotions surrounding it have to be about you?

I admit I'm using this specifically as an example because it's relevant to me but it's not the only one fitting into this phenomenon. I feel like everything, everything has this issue, that everyone does this, this 'thing' where people are not only switching about which aspects of reality are 'real' and which are Abstract Meandering but also thinking of you as the crazy one. Mental Illness Is A Conscious Choice And A Moral Failure, don't listen to the schizo because it's the brain damage talking, whatever, whatever!

#misosophyposting #d #It may not be 'directly' related but I feel like the reason I hate being alone/ignored when I feel like this #Is that it really feels like people ignore me specifically because they think I'm insane #Or maybe not insane but that at least ideas like this are not 'actually' serious but are the 'consequences' of schizotypy and brain damage #I'd prefer if people told me to my face they don't get me and would rather not talk about this than to be ignored and to rely on assumption #I'm seen as not trying hard enough to form relationships but every time I speak I get treated as insane!#I can't force you to agree with me but at least treat me with dignity and stop acting like every thought I have #is the Involuntarily Impulse Of Acquired Brain Injuries!

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unicornsaures · 30 days

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my amrev mooties watching me mass reblog the outsiders stuff and probably being extremely confused or something