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#i had a close family member die
hlxtn · 3 months
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I AM ALIVE OHMGOD
I FEEL SO HORRIBLE FOR GOING AWOL SO SUDDENLY BUt life really wrecked me over the past few months (it's getting better now so its okay) You can read a part of what happened here
but tldr; my friend fucked me over/scammed me during my most vulnerable period and while trying to get ahold of my personal problems I also had to beg for all my money/stock back from the 'friend'. I've been taking socials one-by-one and tumblr is now next for me to come and answer messages and give updates. I will tackle my inbox in the next two days once I get off from work and can properly focus on giving actual replies. Just wanted to quickly update and say I didn't disappear without a reason and I'm really really sorry about that
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heartlites · 6 months
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i dont have therapy until december but i am carrying such weight over the departure of my grandfather. ive thought about him and his passing every week since he left. its a grief i dont know how to handle. i miss him and all that he held together for our family. i miss what my family was. i need to talk about these feelings and get them off my chest but god. its hard to keep it all in until december.
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went to mexico yesterday to visit my grandpa's tomb for day of the dead. only the second time I've visited him since he died in may. not really used to having a dead™ to visit but now I'm home and I got mexican hot chocolate and I'm cuddled up with a mug and life is good. for now life is good 🥹
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kikker-oma · 1 year
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I think you do a great job conveying high emotion and stress! Also you have cool ideas
Aaahhh THANK YOOUUU
That means a lot, I honestly worry often if emotions are coming through properly!
I've been very blessed that I've never had a true panic or anxiety attack(though believe me I know I've come close before) so I try to be considerate of that and try to relate with my own experiences
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I say this cus its kinda funny, but you will NEVER catch me watching a competitive or high stress cooking show tho. Fr. NEVER. That crap WILL give me anxiety.
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if u buy me more yarn ill take pics in whatever poses u want pls i need more
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yoohyeontual · 7 months
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I didn’t think my life could go worst than it was
#my parents threatened each other of divorcing so many times#but I think it’s real this time#my mom just frustrated us so much today that it exploded and it was ugly#idk what I will do if this happen#i’m serious#I’m so unhappy at least I had my parents to make me happy#but if they aren’t together anymore I have nothing left m#my dad is emotionally close and id he love I will probably never see him cause he’s gonna move probably far away and I don’t have a car#and my mom is going to spend the rest of her life insulting my dad and I’ll fight with her to stop#and gonna be answer with “if I can’t express myself just go’’#and Puppy my precious Puppy I’m scared what’s going to happen if my mom can’t pay for his pills again#I can’t lose him right now#and whoever is going to move he’s going to spend all the rest of his life looking for the other#which is why I haven’t kill myself yet cause I don’t want him looking for me sad that I’m gone#I’m only alive for him and Sowon and I’m so close of breaking down#this is the last straw I’m really scared of what is going to happen#I’m not an adult I’m a child I’m so terrified idk what to do#I don’t want pity I just need to scream this somewhere cause my best friend is so far from me#and I don’t wanna go to a family member telling them I wanna die#l’m exhausted I need to breathe#and I despise that everything doing on I still about how much I wanna see this person#it’s been more than 4 years and they still have a hold on me it’s disgusting#sometimes I wish I hated them maybe i wouldn’t be so sad if I didn’t care about them#do not worry about me I won’t do anything I mostly want all of this to stop but idk how#alex.txt#tw suicide mention#tw negative#tw negativity
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im2tired4usernames · 8 months
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The fact that I know so many men who have left or cheated on their wives or partners because they're partner got cancer just makes me so sick
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not-actually-human · 11 months
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.
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jenny1437 · 1 year
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inconsolable rage
fucking fucking fucking fuck fuck worthless piede of sfupid shit i fucking i hope everyone dies i want to murder everyone and then kill my fucking self i hope everyone fucking dies by getting their spines ripped out i want to kill everyone then kill myself.
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yanderestarangel · 14 days
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tio miguel o'hara au
art cr: @/Andalusia_lu-
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TW: EXTREMELY DARK CONTENT, STEP INCEST, OC MIGUEL, MANIPULATION, VIOLENCE, ALCOHOL, DARK THEMES, TRAUMA, GRIEF, BROKEN MIND, DUB CON, NON CON, POWER PLAY, HARASSMENT, GN READER, THREAT, PAIN KINK, DOLLFICATION, NSFW, BREEDKINK.
˖⁺ ⊹୨ notes ୧⊹ ⁺˖ no negativity please. If this isn’t your sort of content you’re more than welcome to block me and move on with your day.
I just wanted to make a definitive AU for my version of "Tio" Miguel O'Hara ✧⁠*ᜊ( ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ᜊ.
[PART.1.]
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♡ ┆Tio Miguel is your non-blood uncle who is thirty-five years old, his skin tanned by the hot midday sun accentuates his body and he has greater muscle mass than most men of his age; brown hair usually combed back and dark brown eyes that seem to penetrate your soul.
♡ ┆ He arrived like a hurricane in your life and that of your family, right after you moved to another quieter place in the Mexican city, practically a rural place where Miguel lived just a few meters away on a large farm, isolated from curious eyes.
♡ ┆ You had a grandmother who already lived there and she introduced the previously unknown man to you, saying that he was Miguel O'Hara, a close neighbor who always came to visit and was always nice to her, practically a son for the older lady. The tall Mexican man helped your family unload the moving truck, he was the first to approach like a silent plague and the target was always you, since the first time he saw you he had felt something more like his life had meaning again.
♡ ┆ Soon he began to frequent your house, being a friendly and solitary gentleman keeping everything from his past between his teeth despite the entire reception of his family with his persona. You, on the other hand, saw how he always seemed to look for you regardless of the situation you were in, even asking you to call him "Uncle" and that was when it all really started for both of you, the demand to be called that was subtle but already functional that even your parents told/demanded that you respect the man as someone in the family and in a short time he was already an influential and feared member of your family.
♡ ┆He is almost always seen dressed in ranch clothes or dress shirts and jeans - punctuated with cowboy or work boots, most of the time they are expensive fabrics that are not compatible with the minimum wage he receives for his work as a caregiver of farms or livestock. He is occasionally seen wearing a shabby brown suede cowboy hat.
♡ ┆When you ask him about his profession he just smiles and uses the same excuse that he got extra money from some competitions he won at the local bullfight ─ and the mysterious gain is not only used for his own use but also to buy gifts for you, he is not afraid to manipulate or seduce you with monetary gains to capture your attention and keep it, if you want something he will give it to you without thinking twice just to keep you for him, whether for his money or by making you afraid. Miguel secretly ran the underworld of drugs and smuggling but he would never tell you that and he would rather die than for you to discover his source of money in reality.
♡ ┆He always uses affectionate and possessive nicknames with you, like 'Mi vida' 'Mi angelito' 'Mi carinõ'; practically like a passionate lover would do or even he would grab you and hug you, touching you in different places and leaving a trail of heat wherever his fingers passed, even though he was your uncle he would treat you like a possessive companion would.
♡ ┆He drinks a lot, his favorite drink is expensive and pure whiskey. He also becomes almost predatory when he's drunk, often coming into your room on celebratory nights and whispering dark promises to you ─ you've seen him kneeling at the side of your bed as the warm alcoholic breath comes from his thick lips, phrases like: "You will always belong to me", "anyone who dares to come close to you I will kill them.", "I will never let you slip out of my hands, my precious angel." Or even the secret desires to use your body escaped his lips on those rare nights when the drink overcame his stoic and cold demeanor.
♡ ┆Most of his cold behavior is the result of the fact that he never had children and also due to the death of his late wife, killed by a fateful fate that he refused to talk about. He tends to be extremely rude to everyone but he tries to be as gentle as possible with you, even though it can be scary at times. He is domineering, impatient and quick-tempered, looking for your company during family outings or parties. Miguel will manipulate you by saying that his behavior is normal, saying that you were his family and he was just trying to make your bond grow and he will also manipulate your family to sweep away any complaints you may make. from the carpet or say that you were being dramatic and if you try to return his advances he can be extremely rude and easily hold your body, whispering subtle threats like: "You don't want to see me angry, do you, angel?" While leaving your wrists marked red from the force he had put there.
♡ ┆He doesn't let you have boyfriends or girlfriends, if you dare to have a partner he will do everything to make your parents stop this relationship. Even if you are an adult he will do everything in his power to make your life hell if you dare to leave him for a random person. Most of your relationships ended mysteriously because your dear tio used his influence in the underworld to threaten your partner. It will also alienate you from friends or acquaintances, a useful way to maintain control over yourself.
♡ ┆He always invites you to his farm on the weekends, always with the promise of some expensive gift or comfort from all the weekly stress. If you accepted (through free and spontaneous pressure from him) he would spoil you and always spend exorbitant amounts of money on you. If you have problems with your family, he will convince you to leave your home and talk to your parents to let you stay with him in his house for an indefinite period of time. Your Tio I planned to make you his perfect future companion, submissive and untouched by the evils of the world, a husband/wife so he could have a real family again, even if he was your uncle.
♡ ┆He tries to make you sleep with him several times, be it with monetary gains, manipulation or breaking you to the point that you throw yourself into his arms because he thinks you won't get anyone to love you like he does. During sex he plays the role of a tough dominant, often treating you roughly and likes to use your body to vent his frustrations. Miguel will choke and bite you, marking your neck and shoulders with painful, red bites, - even hitting you if you try to struggle or struggle against him, whether it's slaps to the face or butt making you whimper and become more still and controlled in his control. He uses his greater physical experience and constitution to hold you back if you try to run. Your Uncle likes to fantasize about getting you pregnant and making you a perfect little doll for him, he fills all your holes with his semen. He can spit in your mouth, hit his dick on your face, giving you hickeys on your neck, strong bites, or cumming on your face and recording everything afterwards to threaten you if you don't want to accept his marriage proposal later.
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too-much-tma-stuff · 2 months
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Finally Getting Help (prt 8)
Masterpost
The next day was less chaotic but not by much. They had to go through everything they’d taken from the Fenton’s lab, and reluctantly accepted Danny and Jazz’s help with the task because they were familiar with the tech. That was surprisingly needed since all of their gadgets were extremely obtuse and looked like household appliances. It was honestly surprising how good Danny was with all of this stuff, he knew what everything was, how to take it apart and how to put it back together to show the heroes how it worked. 
“They don’t all work for humans. Some have to be fueled with ectoplasm so they need to be constantly refueled. Dad used to wear a backpack full of the stuff ghost busters style but that’s really not practical so this one isn’t very useful to you. I can use it though,” Danny said as he screwed the last part back on the.. Whatever it was. 
“Okay, but why does it look like a blender?” Tim asked, baffled and impressed.
“Oh that’s because that’s what it was built out of,” Danny said with a crooked smile. “We repurposed a lot of household items into tech. Give me a couple toasters and a microwave and I’ll have three specter deflectors ready for you before dinner time.” He said as he pressed his hand against one of the gins and it started glowing intently green.
“Here don’t drop it,” He said tossing it to Batman, who did manage to catch it. “I fueled it with three shots, just in case Vlad shows up or another ghosts threatens you. And actually even with your charms I would feel a lot better if you all had specter deflectors since you’re all involved with me now,” He sighed and rubbed his face. 
“Well… we can get you toasters and a microwave but we can also get you more advanced parts if those will work better,” Bruce told Danny, gingerly holding the odd gun away from himself. It wasn’t a traditional gun so it wasn’t upsetting but he still didn’t like it. 
Danny looked very tempted but he shook his head. “No I’d better do it with what I know, I can get it done faster that way and they work. I’d love to play with some of those more advanced parts though. I’m sure I can come with some fun stuff.” 
Uh oh, Bruce didn’t like that look on Tim’s face, the last thing he needed was more encouragement! But Danny was the child of mad scientists, he would get along perfectly with Tim, Bruce was going to have to keep a close eye on them to make sure they didn’t accidentally make a death ray. 
“You can join me in my lab later,” Tim offered hopefully and Danny glanced up at him with a borderline feral grin. 
“That sounds great, I’m sure you have much better lab safety than my parents. Love engineering, would hate to die a second time.” He said it like a joke, just the way Jason tended to. Jazz laughed, but only to encourage her brother’s coping method, no one else did. 
“Alright, we’ll go to the nearest home appliance store and get you some toasters and microwaves,” Bruce said. 
“Hell ya, I should have been adopted by a rich family years ago,” Danny cackled. Oh dear, he’d been so traumatized yesterday Bruce hadn’t realized he was Feral. Why did this keep happening.
He informed Alfred of Danny’s request and by the time they finished going over the more confusing inventions and left for lunch the appliances were waiting for Danny in the lab that he and Tim would apparently now be sharing. Danny immediately dove on the machinery starting to take them apart with practiced hands. He seemed calm and in his element but Tim stayed to supervise, both just in case something went wrong, and because it was His lab and they hadn’t talked about rules of cohabitation yet.
Bruce left them to it. Alfred had informed him that Jason had arrived and headed straight to the kitchen without saying hello to anyone else. It wasn’t a surprise, he was closest to Alfred, he’s want to help with making dinner, and get the basic scoop from his most trusted family member before having to face anyone else. Bruce knew better than to intrude on that, but God did he want to. 
Regardless of what his children thought Bruce cared deeply for all of them, and he hated that sometimes they doubted it. He wished he was better at telling and showing them, but he’d managed to convince himself it was too late for him to change so he didn’t have to face the years of mistakes and trauma he had endured and inflicted. No matter what what image he tried to project, he was still only human.
He went to his office, but he couldn’t settle to anything, he did a little bit of this, and little bit of that, and just ended up pacing the carpeted floor. He left them alone as long as he could before he gave in and went down to the kitchen.
“Sorry to interrupt, I just needed a cup of coffee,” He said as casually as he could. The looks Alfred and Jason gave him said neither of them actually believed his excuse, which was fair. “It’s good to see you Jaylad, thanks for coming.”
“Well I’m not going to miss out on a new brother am I? You gonna have this one running around in spandex too B?” He asked, raising an eyebrow, it made Bruce wince but it Was progress because he was acknowledging their familial ties. 
“I’m almost two years too late to stop him,” Bruce said regretfully. “It’s been… a lot has happened. I’m sure Alfred caught you up on most of it, but I’d like to talk to you before you meet either of the siblings.”
“Trying to make sure I won’t be a bad influence?” Jason asked and Bruce couldn’t tell if he was joking or accusing. 
“No, nothing like that,” Bruce said, holding up his hands. “I just want to talk.”
Jason hummed skeptically, scrutinizing Bruce before turning back towards Alfred. “What do you think Alfie, can you spare me?”
“I always appreciate your help master Jason, but I can manage on my own,” Alfred assured, sounding amused. 
“Alright, to your office then?” Jason asked, turning back towards Bruce. 
“Or the sitting room, whichever would be more comfortable.”
“Office,” Jason said firmly, this was the distance that he was keeping between them. They worked together now, and Jason cared for his siblings, but he kept them all at arms length. For everyone’s safety really, if they set him off he didn’t want to hurt them, and he didn’t want to be set off either. It always felt like shit. Jason followed Bruce to the office and sprawled in the soft chair across the desk from Bruce’s. He remembered being a kid, sitting properly and nervously in this chair across from Bruce hoping desperately for his approval. How times change.
“I just wanted to talk to you about the new kids” Bruce started and Jason waved him away.
“I’m really not going to corrupt them or anything, I Probably won’t be around enough to make a difference anyway.” Jason said dismissively.
Bruce took a deep breath, controlling his expression and folding his hands on the table. “That’s not it Jaylad, Alfred must have told you that the boy died and came back?” 
Jason tensed and green swirled in his vision, it was the same thing that Bruce had seen in Danny when Zatana asked about Phantom. “Ya he did.” Defensive and insecure.
“It seems like he, and his sister who was sort of a caretaker to him, know a lot more than we do about the effect that that has on a person. To help us take care of Danny she gave us a presentation about it, it… makes a lot of sense. You should probably talk to her and Danny about it really but I just wanted to apologize. 
“I’ve been trying to fix this, fix… you for a long time and I know I’ve been going about it wrong and I’ve been hurting you.”
“You got a new treatment plan in mind, old man?” Jason asked, his arms crossed and Bruce wished that mistrust wasn’t earned. 
“No,” Bruce sighed looking down. “Really Jason I don’t, I know I was wrong. This is something I just didn’t know I didn’t know about,” He hated his own ignorance, he hated to admit it! He was Batman! The way he kept up with other superheroes was always being prepared for everything and knowing more than everyone around him, but he hadn’t even known there was something there to know!
“This isn’t about that, and it’s not about you staying away from the new kids. Exactly the opposite actually, since they know more about this, and Danny might be one of the few people who really understands what it’s like to die and come back like that, I was hoping you’d spend more time here, around them. I think it might help you both.”
“Huh,” Jason sounded, blinking rapidly because that was the most sincere apology he’d gotten from Bruce and he didn’t quite know how to react to it. “Maybe… maybe.” He hadn’t met the new siblings yet after all, maybe they’d hate each other. 
“Can I meet them now?” He asked looking back up at Bruce curiously. 
“Of course, the girl's name is Jasmine Fenton, called Jazz, the boy goes by Danny. Jazz is turning 18 soon, Danny is 16.” 
Right Tim had mentioned that, so Danny was about 3 years younger than him then. That shouldn’t matter too much, and maybe Tim will be right about the sister and can tease Jason about it. He’d been single for a while and wouldn’t mind changing that.
“Of course, I think you should meet Jazz first, she’s protective of Danny and she hasn’t been very involved in all of this. I think she’d feel better being allowed to… vet you first for lack of a better word. Are you okay with that?” Bruce asked Jason politely. 
“Sure, I don’t really care what order I meet them in and… Look Bruce I know I’m mad at you, and I was really hard on Timmy when everything was still raw. But I’m never going to knowingly hurt a kid, or make life harder for them. If I can help them I will,” Jason said sincerely. 
“Jason, the girl is less than a year younger than you. You’re a kid too,” Bruce said sadly. Jason froze for a moment, Yes he was 19, his mind wasn’t fully developed yet or whatever the hell, but he hadn’t felt like a kid since his death. Even before that, the responsibility for his mother, and then the work as a hero. Bruce wanted soldiers, Jason had never gotten a chance to be a kid really.
“Whatever,” Jason scoffed, shoving his hands into his pockets and standing up, closing himself off from that sincerity. “Do you know where she is?”
“She’s in the library,” Bruce said, his lips twitching up in a smile. “She loves books almost as much as you did, though she seems to be more drawn to non-fiction.” 
Jason hummed and nodded, heading towards the door since he knew his own damn way to the library, Bruce didn’t have to lead! He did follow through, he was clearly protective of these kids so of course he would want to be there when Jason met them.
When he entered the library he saw a young woman sitting at one of the tables with some sort of text book. Her back was straight and her legs tucked under the chair with her ankles crossed. It looked like she was self consciously trying to look put together. She looked up at them, blue green eyes looking him over critically, he could practically see her picking him apart in her mind and he tried not to fidget.
“Hey, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Jason Todd,” He said, walking over and offering her his hand to shake. She was very pretty, but he was surprised by his own complete lack of attraction, she just didn’t register that way, she seemed more… maternal almost.
“Ah, the dead son,” She chuckled, getting up from the table and reaching out to shake his hand, her grip was strong and her hands were soft and cool. “It’s nice to meet you, they mentioned you. Nothing bad,” She added when she saw her face. “And I don’t mean to be rude, I know some people are sensitive about their deaths being mentioned. Danny jokes about it all the time so… I just wanted to let you know that I know, and I accept you.” Jazz said with a warm smile. 
Her easy acceptance caught him off guard and before he could help it he was baring his teeth at her in a snarl, defensive and probing, did she mean it? She grinned sharper bearing sharp fangs at him in a matching sign of… friendly aggression, something inside him settled. He chuckled and took a step back. “Well thanks, nice to meet someone who doesn’t look like they bit a lemon every time I make a death joke.”
“It’s your death, as long as it’s healthy you can own that however comes naturally to you,” Jazz promised, sitting back down at the desk. “I’d love to talk more and get to know you, but we can do that later. You really should meet Danny.”
“You don’t want to come with us,” Bruce broke in, sounding worried. Jason had almost forgotten he was there, he hadn’t realized how… all encompassing the short interaction had been.
“I’ll probably follow,” Jazz said with a shrug, her gaze turning stern as she looked at Bruce. “Remember what I said about never breaking up a fight,” She told him firmly. 
Well if that didn’t make Jason nervous he didn’t know what did. Why would he fight with Danny? Would Danny fight with him? Why? “You really think it’s a good idea for us to meet? Why would we fight?” Jason asked her sharply.
“Of course,” she agreed, her eyes softening as she looked back at him, though her expression remained a little mischievous. “It’ll be good for both of you.”
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silantryoo · 1 month
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nakamura kazuha x le sserafim!reader (fluff)
WARNINGS ; scheming, possessiveness (non-toxic)
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kazuha lived a hectic life, almost as hectic as her mind.
at age three, she decided to throw herself into a raging fire.
she had listened to one of her close friends (as close as children could get at that age, at least) rave about how fun their after-school activities were. how she felt like the spotlight was on her, and only her.
kazuha would never admit it, but she craved attention. she yearned to be seen and be recognized, to be watched and to amaze. her after-school activities (read: watching cartoons and drawing stick figures for her parents to interpret) left her with a restlessness, one that relayed onto her parents.
("kazuha! stop cutting holes into your blankets!")
nearly all her childhood memories consisted of school and ballet. it was a monotonous rinse and repeat. each day, she woke up with the dull sensation of aching and routine.
it was fun. it was exciting.
kazuha knew she was good. there was no doubt about it. she would get comments from other parents, praising her, and her mom and dad constantly walked around with their chins held high, knowing how well they're daughter performed.
she was a performer. an amazing one at that.
it didn't go unrecognized. as soon as she reached high school, she earned herself a hefty scholarship, attending one of the most rigorous ballet academies in the world.
kazuha had everything a ballerina could ever want to achieve, but somehow, a sudden emptiness started to consume her.
ballet was fun. kazuha knew what to do to get the spotlight. she knew how to catch the attention of the audience. it was a test, a rigorous evaluation of everything she knew in each class, in each recital.
it was a test, one which she had studied.
but nakamura kazuha wanted to perform.
she would've lied if she said she joined hybe purely out of ambition.
kazuha knew about kpop. she wasn't born in the last century. she, although not as diehard as her roommate, liked blackpink and bts. she knew their discography well enough to attend concerts, and her roommate usually blasted some random song from an idol group while washing the dishes.
(she refused to mention her secret twitter page that somehow shifted into a blackpink fan account.)
when she had gotten the email from hybe, kazuha was more than hesitant. she heard horror stories about the training, how foreigners were forced to speak a language they knew none of. kazuha was already accustomed to how rigorous ballet was, but she knew that the language barrier would be the final straw to making her break.
still, she couldn't do this forever. she couldn't die doing ballet, of feeling the dull ache of something missing.
"i don't know." kazuha sighed, gritting her teeth as she thought about that email again.
Dear Nakamura Kazuha...
("how did they find out my email address and my full name?!")
her roommate sighed. "i think you should."
"and leave everything behind?" kazuha shivered at the thought. change was fun as it was scary. "what if my parents say no?.
mina shook her head. "as if they would. they know how your brain works."
kazuha couldn't disagree with her. her parents were her number one supporters. if she decided to be a cashier at the nearest 7eleven, they would support her.
"besides," mina smirked. kazuha always became worried when her friend was smug. "i heard some of the izone members-"
l/n y/n.
"izone?"
kazuha hadn't known much about izone in all honesty.
all she knew was that miyawaki sakura, honda hitomi, and yabuki nako were in the group. she had heard their songs, and although she had always wanted to get into them, she never had the time.
but then there was you.
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your minju-unnie said that it was okay that your family group disbanded. she said that it was an opportunity for growth and change, and despite her face full of tears, you tried your best to believe her.
packing your bags was the hardest thing you had to do. your roommates, wonyoung and yujin, were quiet and solemn. it was unlike the three of you. your unnies always heard shouting from your room, whether it was you and yujin arguing over the air conditioning, or wonyoung begging you to go shopping with her.
you were their maknaes.
now, you were no one's.
being a group of thirteen, someone was always left out, no matter how hard eunbi or sakura tried. sometimes, it was one of the two. other times, it was willingly hyewon, trying to avoid working.
sometimes, it was you.
everyone grouped up. yujin and wonyoung were going back to their company, starship. hitomi, sakura, and nako were getting ready to fly back to japan. yena and yuri talked to a bumbling and restless chaewon, crying into their arms. chaeyeon and hyewon were in the corner, worriedly watching eunbi as she scanned everyone's faces.
"y/n-ah."
you turned around, wiping the tears off your face.
"minju-unnie." you couldn't help but smile at the older girl.
minju was your rock.
she was a year older, and almost, if not more, confused than you about the whole idol thing. she was shy and insecure, always double-checking if things were done right.
but she was always there. minju always cared, even when she didn't have time to care.
she was the older sister you had always wanted (regardless of whatever chaewon and yena said during interviews and lives).
"give me a hug."
"okay."
you smiled, holding her tight. you could feel her tears dripping onto your shoulder, and her hand gripping your shirt.
minju was afraid, just like you were.
"i'm still your unnie after this, okay?" you didn't know if minju was trying to convince you or herself, but it didn't matter. "talk to me about anything."
you pulled back.
why did this feel like a goodbye? why did it feel like everyone knew this was a goodbye.
you didn't want them to leave. you didn't want them to forget you.
"unnie-"
"i'll be okay." minju could always read your mind somehow. "everything will be okay."
"okay." it'll be okay. everything will be okay. you'll still have your family members. "i trust you, unnie."
a week later, you, chaewon, minju, and sakura received an email.
everything will be okay.
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being okay came in the form of nakamura kazuha.
you had seen her on that video call, talking in broken sentences with a cute accent. she read the paper in front of her, and you could visibly remember the light reflecting the hiragana pronunciation from the back.
a month later, she flew in.
nakamura kazuha was pretty.
a soft knock echoed through your room, the vinyl drowning it out after a few moments. the clock on your table read one am.
it could've been anyone of your group members at this point. maybe it was yunjin, dragging you out to go eat with one of her friends (despite it being past midnight). it could've been sakura, just wanting to sit next to you as she knitted. maybe it was eunchae too, claiming your room was colder despite her living in a different dorm complex. maybe it was chaewon...
you shook your head. chaewon wouldn't leave her room.
the door creaked open, puppy eyes staring back at you.
"hi."
kazuha.
you smiled. part of you was glad that minju never took the offer from hybe, otherwise she would pester you nonstop about your (extremely obvious) crush on the japanese ballerina.
you waved your hand, telling her to go inside. the younger girl beamed at you, a red tint dusting the apples of her cheeks.
"i got something!"
you raised an eyebrow, sitting up as you tried to peak at what she was holding.
"what is it?"
kazuha blinked, trying to calm herself down from bursting at the thought of spending time with you.
it didn't matter to her that you two had been friends for more than a year. being near you was enough to make her heart double in size.
"i, uh, i bought a lego set." she couldn't show that her confidence was wavering. "yunjin-unnie doesn't wanna do it with me."
you frowned.
you loved yunjin as much as the next person did, but you hated it when kazuha talked about her. the ballerina seemed to worship the ground that yunjin walked on.
the worst part was the fact you couldn't blame her. back in izone, there was a moment in time when you had done the same with one of your former members.
minju still teased you about your former crush.
the room went quiet, and kazuha could tell that you were caught in your head again. she always wondered if you thought about her when you were lost in your thoughts. maybe if she knew, she would find the courage to tell you her true feelings.
kazuha fiddled with the box, her voice suddenly a whisper.
"do you," kazuha blushed harder. "do you wanna do it with me?"
although you knew that kazuha most likely went to you after yunjin had said no, you couldn't help but agree. it didn't matter to you that you always seemed to be kazuha's second thought. all that mattered was that she thought of you.
you nodded, and the younger girl couldn't help but smile brightly.
("it'll be a good excuse for you to confess! maybe you'll even kiss her."
"unnie!")
you moved aside, letting kazuha sit across from you. she couldn't help but blush at the feeling of your covers. your room always seemed softer and brighter than hers, just like how you seemed prettier than everyone else.
kazuha sighed. maybe yunjin was right. maybe kazuha had fallen a bit too much in like and ended up in love.
she didn't mind though, not when you felt so familiar to the spotlight.
"these flowers are pretty." you looked closely at the orchids, humming as you traced the box with your finger.
mina had always mentioned how she was a sucker for pretty girls. she vividly remembers the two of them in their second-grade science class, kazuha tensing up whenever her teacher came near, or the time that one of her closest friends back in the academy complimented her physique, and she stiffened up so hard that she strained her neck.
when she first saw you during that video call, she was more calm than she expected. kazuha knew that she was gonna meet her celebrity crush, and the thought of you knowing she existed nearly made her brain short-circuit but she prepared. kazuha wasn't weak-willed.
and then she met you in real life.
somehow, she had forgotten how to speak at all.
("kazuha, right?"
"mmh!")
even after two years, she still struggled to form thoughts around you. it wasn't her fault that you were pretty.
kazuha cleared her throat, her face heating up as she realized how long she had stayed silent.
the two of you got to work quickly, the lull of the record playing. pieces of lego scattered your bedsheet, the two of you (mostly just you) struggling to figure out which piece went where.
"so..." you fiddled with a piece, one that you assumed to be the leaf. "you got these for yunjin-unnie?"
kazuha snapped out of her daze, too focused on completing the set in front of her. she always got too into these things.
"huh?"
"the flowers." you smiled, holding back an 'aw'. kazuha was too adorable for her own good. "you said yunjin-unnie didn't want to build them with you."
kazuha couldn't help but avoid your gaze.
she knew that you weren't exactly the best when it came to anything that required hand-eye coordination and focus. she also knew that she desperately wanted to spend time with you. you had been too busy meeting up with your former members and she had been missing you a bit too much.
she had seen the set while window-shopping.
they looked easy enough, one that wouldn't confuse you as much as the other ones, but hard enough to make sure it took more than one sitting.
it was a perfect excuse.
"oh, um," kazuha didn't know why it suddenly got so hot in your room. "no, i got them just because."
you glanced at her, watching as she toyed with the piece in her hand. you had no reason to doubt the younger girl, but you had to admit it was odd.
you couldn't complain, however. kazuha was here, and that's all you wanted.
the two of you continued, you looking over every so often. the scattered pieces seemed to never end, and despite the younger girl's dexterity, your lack of seemed to prolong the process more than it should've (just like she had hoped).
"this has a lot of parts." you muttered, feeling bad. "i think you picked the wrong person for this, zuha."
kazuha, like always, smiled at you as if she was smiling for the audience.
"i don't mind it taking long."
it was breathtaking.
"if you say so..."
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you yawned, rubbing your eyes as you curled up against the futon.
you loved comebacks more than an idol should. it was fun to roam around, exploring the building of whatever showcase it was. being the only extrovert in le sserafim, you also made it your duty to help the others (and yourself) connect with whoever you seemed to cross paths with.
most days, you would already be outside, introducing sakura to whoever walked by.
not today. not when you were running on three hours of sleep.
"y/n-ah," sakura's voice echoed in your brain. "did you see my iron anywhere?"
"chaewon-unnie had it last." you yawned out.
sakura glared at her leader, watching as chaewon dug through her comically large bag. she needed to use it after the show. chaewon couldn't look like a mess in front of min anyone.
the leader stared you down, your peaceful body irritating her.
"snitch."
your mouth dropped open.
a couple years ago, back in izone, chaewon wouldn't dare insult you (although snitch was barely an insult). it didn't matter whether you barged into her room unannounced and left the door open, insulting you was off-limits.
as one of your unnie's once said, insulting you is equivalent to scolding a kitten who didn't know any better.
"i'm telling eunbi-unnie!" you whined, pouting.
chaewon laughed, pinching your cheek as if your threat meant nothing to her. you were basically her little sister after all. the worst thing that your 'mom' would do was scold her.
"like you told her about your crush on zuha?" chaewon snorted as she saw how red your cheeks had suddenly gotten. "how she's so pretty when she dances and how you wanna kiss her?"
you slapped her arm away, embarrassed. you should've known that eunbi had told chaewon (and probably the rest of the other girls) about your infatuation with the ballerina in your current group.
maybe that's why wonyoung gave you a thumbs up when she saw you and kazuha gathering drinks for the rest of your members.
"kkura-unnie!" you turned to the eldest, her figure hidden under a purple blanket. "chaewon-unnie being annoying again!"
you stared at the blob, waiting for it to utter a word. something that hopefully defended you from your child-like leader. sakura tended to take your side, anyway, except when-
you squinted, watching as the blanket shook up and down.
was she...
"stop laughing!" you groaned, throwing your head back.
you thought that somehow, especially since hong eunchae was in your group, chaewon and sakura would stop treating you like a maknae.
it seemed to be worse now, the two throwing jabs at your unrequited crush when the three of you were left alone.
"when are you gonna ask her out, y/n-ah?" sakura sat up, her voice drowning out the door opening. "you can't pine forever."
eunchae looked around, her eyes beaming with curiosity.
"ask who out?"
chaewon screamed as the youngest's voice echoed from behind, her eyes wide open as she jumped onto the couch. somehow, sakura followed with her, the sheer volume of the leader's voice frightening her.
"jesus, eunchae..." chaewon clutched her heart. "you scared me."
beside her, sakura's head hung low as she tried to catch her breath.
eunchae chose to ignore the two, glancing at you with shining wonder.
"who are you gonna ask out, unnie?"
she already knew who you were talking about. eunchae wasn't dumb. she saw the quiet glances and the bright smiles you and kazuha sent to each other. she knew that sakura saw it too.
but somehow, neither you nor your ballerina did.
you bit your tongue, debating whether or not to tell the younger girl in front of you.
you trusted eunchae. the young girl knew how to keep a secret unlike some people (yunjin and chaewon), but you also knew she had a tendency to meddle when the chance was given to her. it was why your junior, minji, and chaewon were so adamant about keeping her and her friend, haerin, away from each other.
you hummed, blurting out the second name that you could think of.
"minju-unnie."
"minju-sunbaenim?" eunchae shook her head. she didn't know you were this bad at lying. "as if chaewon-unnie would let that happen."
all eyes shifted to chaewon as her ears burned a firey red.
"yah!"
eunchae rolled her eyes, pouting as she ignored her leader's half-hearted scolding.
"so?" the youngest continued to press. "who is it?"
you shrugged, not knowing that the two of you were thinking about the same girl. "no one."
"but-"
the door opened, kazuha and yunjin entering the cramped room with a boxful of cheesecake.
chaewon frowned. she had told them to get real food. not dessert.
"what is that?" chaewon glared at the white reflecting the lights.
yunjin looked down, half confused and half serious. "it's a container...?"
with a deep breath, chaewon closed her eyes. she always wondered how eunbi managed to keep some sanity when choi yena, kang hyewon, and ahn yujin were all under her care.
part of her knew that if yunjin was added to that mix, eunbi would combust.
"but i ordered rice...?"
chaewon looked at the proud smile on her member's face. "it's made with flour, so it's close enough."
huh yunjin was gonna give her an aneurysm.
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"have you told her yet?"
being ambushed while drying her hair wasn't exactly how kazuha wanted to spend her night.
in all honesty, she had mentally prepared herself to confess to you later today. from the moment her six alarms rang, she knew that she'd do it.
she didn't take into account how many people would stop by and say hi to you.
kazuha frowned. why did you know so many pretty people?
"no..."
yunjin frowned, pointing at her with the fork in her hand. "you said you'd do it today?"
kazuha loved the thrill of the spotlight. she loved showing the world that, not only was she talented, she was confident. she held herself with a poise that she knew many people could never compare to.
kazuha never crumbled under the presence of the spotlight.
why was it so different with you?
"told who what yet?"
kazuha spun around, her eyes wide. it had slipped her mind eunchae usually drank a caprisun around this time. something about her nightly routine...
(kazuha tried to pay attention, but eunchae talked fast, faster than she could translate in her head.)
"what?" yunjin laughed awkwardly, her mouth scrunching up. "told who what?"
leave it to yunjin to make things obvious.
"you're such a bad liar, unnie." eunchae rolled her eyes. "so, who is it zuha-unnie?"
kazuha swallowed air, her fingers nervously tapping on her side. if eunchae found out, there was no doubt that she'd tell you before kazuha herself could.
"no one."
the youngest sighed. everyone seemed to think she was five years old or something. they might as well have told her santa was real.
eunchae shook her head, plastering an unbothered smile on her face.
the maknae had decided a while ago to not get in between you and kazuha. she liked how the two of you acted like two stupid shoujo characters, dancing around their feelings. yes, it frustrated her, but at the very least, she found daily entertainment.
everyone had forced her hand.
"oh..." eunchae nodded. "you're just like y/n-unnie."
kazuha's head perked up almost instantly, like a dog when they smelt a treat nearby.
"what?" eunchae knew something about you? was it something she didn't know? "what about her?"
the youngest bit back a smirk.
"i heard that she was gonna ask someone out."
someone...
kazuha frowned.
someone?
did she know them? were they close to you? was it one of your former members? was that why you had been so busy visiting them instead of paying attention to her?
"who?" kazuha's mind couldn't stop racing as she named all the people you had visited in the past month.
eunchae chuckled, squeezing past her and grabbing a drink from the fridge. "i'm not telling!"
"what?" gears turned in kazuha's head, her frown deepening. "who?"
eunchae smiled. if she was right and kazuha thought like any lead in any of her favorite tv shows, planning a seed of anxiety would be enough for her to finally do something.
"she's probably teasing, zuha." yunjin's voice was laced with nervousness, never before seeing kazuha in such a state of panic.
"maybe..." the youngest sighed.
wow... she was a genius.
"so," the youngest stabbed her juice open, sipping as she acted innocently. "do you guys think minju-sunbaenim is pretty?"
the kitchen went silent.
"...what?"
yunjin's eyes widened. she never knew kazuha's voice could be so intimidating.
"minju-sunbaenim?"
minju? kim minju?
how was she supposed to compete against kim minju?
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kazuha liked spending time with you.
she liked how easily she made you laugh, how your eyes seemed to brighten at every word she uttered. she took note of how your cheeks tinged red, and how you'd stare at her as if she was the focus of your attention.
your spotlight was on her.
she'd never tell you, but there was a reason why she had gotten so close to yunjin out of nowhere.
it was obvious how you liked jokes, stupid or not. you laughed at whatever was said, even if imaginary tomatoes were being hurled towards the other person.
huh yunjin always managed to make you laugh, and kazuha knew from the first day she met you that she wanted that as well. she wanted your eyes on her and only her.
("take it."
"a joke book, yunjin-unnie? i don't think..."
"it'll work. trust me.")
now, the spotlight was somewhere else. somewhere familiar... somewhere you were used to.
it was driving her insane.
kazuha looked up, watching as you struggled with the legos in your hand.
"do you like minju-sunbaenim?"
you paused, confusion suddenly appearing in your eyes.
"minju-unnie?"
kazuha, too filled with anxiousness and determination, thought nothing of it.
"do you like her?"
you blinked. kazuha had never been this blunt, nor this flat with you.
your searched your brain for an explanation, but none came to. "where'd this come from?"
kazuha frowned. that wasn't a no.
"eunchae said you did."
you laughed quietly, shaking your head as the girl in front of you sulked. gently, you put the last piece together, staring at the orchid head in your hand.
"don't listen to eunchae." you smiled, her eyes hardening as she took in your words. "she just heard i liked someone and-"
someone?
there was someone, just not kim minju.
kazuha nodded internally. she could compete with someone. in fact, she was sure she would win. as long as it wasn't another person like minju (god forbid it was hyewon), she'd be fine.
hell, she'd fight lee chaeyeon for you.
"who?"
"who?" you blushed under the dim light of your lamp, the thought of confessing to kazuha outright flustering you. "someone..."
the ballerina clenched her jaw. she didn't understand why you wouldn't tell her.
she was greedy. she had always been. kazuha needed to learn to share the spotlight, but she had always struggled with it. she needed to learn to accept that not everything came to her the way she wanted it to, no matter how hard she tried.
"i think we did it!" you smiled, clicking the last piece of the set together. "i'm so glad that's over with-"
she wasn't gonna share you.
kazuha crawled over, not caring that her knee had crushed the bottom of the pot that the two of you worked so hard on.
"kazuha!"
your eyes widened in horror as it shattered under her weight. it took you two hours of work, and so much patience that you felt like you had transcended time at certain points.
kazuha didn't care.
she craved the spotlight. she craved you.
her hand rested on the side of your neck, pulling you into a kiss she had so desperately dreamt of each night.
you barely registered what was going on, your brain hopping from grieve to confusion to flustered in less than a second. her mouth was on yours. kazuha was kissing you.
humming, your eyes screwed shut as you focused all your attention on her. you could taste the faint layer of chapstick on her lips, the one that you had always wondered what tasted like.
sweet. you smiled. like her perfume.
you pulled back awkwardly, watching as she semi-hovered over you, and struggled to maintain her position.
"focus on me instead." she ignored the sharp pieces digging themselves into her knee. "like me instead, unnie."
you looked into her dark irises, her breathing heavy as they searched yours. you couldn't believe how out of nowhere kazuha had been. you had known her long enough to know how she kept her thoughts to herself, rarely speaking out unless something had happened.
you paused.
oh.
"eunchae, you sneaky little..." you shook your head, deciding to scold the youngest another time. now, your focus was kazuha.
her eyes never wavered away from yours, almost as if she was silently pleading for confirmation.
with a smile, you chuckled. "you're the someone, kazuha."
kazuha's face went blank, shifting to her knees.
"huh?" her face heat up. she had never been more embarrassed in her life. "but eunchae said..."
you gave her a pointed look.
"exactly."
kazuha clenched her eyes as she sat back to the opposite of you. how did a fifteen-year-old manage to out-smart her.
i got played.
"so..." kazuha sat cross-legged, glancing sadly at the broken figure in front of her. "i broke our flowers for nothing?"
you couldn't help but let out a laugh, watching as the girl across from you reminisced about the state of the lego set a few minutes ago.
"it's okay." you hummed, picking up the pieces. "it just means more time together."
kazuha hummed happily, going back to work to fix the vase. the more time she spent with you, the better.
together...
that was another conversation for another day.
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eunchae stared at the fake flowers on the living room table, smiling as her scheming had worked perfectly.
she was glad that you two were finally dating, even if that meant you and kazuha (poorly) snuck around the dorms.
it was also a plus that she got treats for not telling chaewon about anything (not like she was going to).
"do you know orchids mean love?" sakura said, glancing at her phone.
"love?" chaewon laughed. you were too young to know what love was. "y/nnie didn't even have her first kiss yet."
yunjin's eyes bulged out, not sure if she was hearing wrong. "she didn't tell you?"
"unnie."
"oops."
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> main masterlist.
496 notes · View notes
aajjks · 1 month
Text
Silent Cries (m)
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synopsis. Not everything could go his way and he had to learn this the hard way
Disclaimer: this is pretty dark. Read at your own risk. Please keep in mind that this is purely fictional and I don’t think that Jungkook or any Bts member would ever act like this! Read with caution.
warning: ünhëälthy thèmès, fèrtïlïty ïssǔès, prègnâncy, öbsëssïön, mèntïöns ôf âbörtïön, dïvörcè, sèxüǎl thêmês, cryïng, yn rèálly wánts á báby, dêprèssïön, dárk thêmês.
note. Let’s welcome this new JK to my Multiverse. I hope you will ask him fun questions as well, and I hope you will love him even though he’s a little ☠️ ENJOY! 
Header credit: @callingholly ❤️
***NOT EDITED***
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You were told that you were not capable of having children, but… jungkook accepted that part of you. you know why.. it is because he loves you, and he never wanted children.
The day is gloomy, more than usual. You stand on the bathroom floor, your gaze is blurry. unshed tears in your eyes as you stare at the pregnancy test. The stick trembles in your hands. It is all over now.
You close your eyes in order to erase the image out your eyes. The image of two straight lines on the stick. You are supposed to feel really happy.
But why Fate is never really on your side?
Does God really hate you that much? All of your life, there was nothing but suffering, your parents never cared about you.
You and your husband, Jungkook- you love him, you really do but he’s just sometimes too much to bear. you’ve been having some problems in your marriage and you almost were considering divorce but now?
now, you are carrying another innocent life inside of you. That could be ruined because of you. Because of Jeon Jungkook, who ruins everything.
The thing is that he doesn’t want a child. He freaks out over the idea of having a child.
You sob at how pathetic you are. How could you let this happen? You are pregnant, with his child. You want to die. But now, you can’t do that.
If there’s anything you and him are not compatible with? It’s your family plan. You’ve always wanted children. Unlike your husband.
And no matter what his reaction is going to be, you can’t help but grab your belly, wiping your tears that fall.
You are going to have this baby. You can’t kill it- your husband will suggest it, you know him so well.
Because you are not a killer. You can’t kill the little life inside of you. That you so desperately wanted all your life. You’ve prayed for this moment.
And even though you have made your decision,
Panic rises in your chest as you come out of the bathroom and look at Jungkook’s and yous wedding photos that litter the creamy beige walls. Thankfully, he’s not home right now so you will have some time to relax and plan how to tell him.
But- it’s almost time.
He could be home any minute now! The ticking of the clock almost warns you. Time is going.
You throw the stick in the dumpster. He’s going to find it anyways. you have no idea why you feel so nervous… You feel like you are being suffocated. And you can’t be saved.
As your hand rests on your yet to be swollen stomach, something switches in you. You have to be strong now. You need to survive for your child. You have to make him understand. This child will be a blessing for the both of you. You are going to become strong.
You are going to change everything just for the sake of your child. Because this little bean is now the reason for your existence. Maybe this could fix your marriage-because you really don’t want to leave your husband-you’re not sure about what you want..
You quickly wipe the tears as a small smile paints your lips. Your grandma raised you to be strong and you can just give into Jungkooks stupid demand. You are going to be like your grandma, who raised you, took care of you. Became your mum, that you never had.
This baby is just as jungkook as yours too, and it is going to become your strength. This baby is a gift from God, your saving grace.
Your husband was really happy on the particular day, when you had been told about your fertility issues, he made it really clear that he never wanted children, he always wanted it, to be him and you.
Your thoughts are cut off short when the doorbell rings. And the main door unlocking. talk of the devil? And He shall appear.
You inhale a deep breath.
Time to do this.
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“I’m pregnant, Jungkook.” The words come out of your mouth so easily. Jungkook who is cuddling, your body, a habit he has. Looks up at you.
He is currently laid in your lap, and he starts to laugh at you.
You want to roll your eyes, but this reaction is not really that surprising from him and you just have to be calm and collected right now.
“I-I’m so sorry? But you’re pregnant?” He stops laughing, as he wipes his tears. he looks so bad you with his brown eyes and you can tell he’s waiting for you to say that you’re kidding but you’re not.
You just smile at him in pity. Your nod of confirmation was all it took for Jungkook to start panicking.
“W-What are you saying!? Y-You can’t be! You can’t be pregnant!!” He gets up from your shared bed as he runs his hand frantically through his hair. His dark damp, long locks hiding his eyes.
What the fuck is he talking about? His words hit a nerve in you. He knows damn well how you got pregnant.
“What the fuck Jungkook! How can you ask me how I’m pregnant?! It’s because of you! You did this!” You scream at the panicking man.
“because I thought you weren’t supposed to get pregnant?!” He’s right about that but it’s not like you planned on this to happen. You also thought that you couldn’t have children.
So what was the point in using protection birth control, like he always said to you. You just both have to deal with the consequences of your actions.
“B-But yn! I don’t want a child.” There we go.
“There is not supposed to be someone else between us! Not a-a baby!” Jungkook cries desperately as he grabs you by the shoulders and shakes you as if you’ll understand his point. You get up from the bed.
If it’s an argument he wants, you’ll give him that.
You cannot believe that he’s crying right now.
You glare at the doe eyed man who is looking at you as if you have grown two heads. “Jungkook! You disgust me.” You spit at him. You can’t believe him, he is such a selfish person. Jungkook flinches at the coldness of your tone as his grip loosens on your shoulders.
His voice comes out rough and broken but he keeps on apologising to you. “Y-Yn P-Please! Y-You don’t mean that r-right? You can’t! Y-You love me! Just me! And no one else! We need to get rid of this baby!” He rambles on like a madman and as your brain register his words his last sentence hits you and your eyes widen in disbelief.
Why are you even surprised? Even though you knew he was going to say that? it just hurts a little bit more hearing it coming from his own mouth without any hesitation.
“W-What?! A-Are you hearing yourself Jungkook? You-You’re suggesting that I-I kill my unborn child?” Tears well up in your eyes, and they immediately start to fall down your cheeks at Jungkook’s suggestion. You avert your gaze away from Jungkook’s crazed eyes.
“You’re a sick bastard! Fucking monster!” You sob at him. Your curses don’t seem to affect him, it is like he has gone numb, the irony. He stands still.
“No. one. can. come. between. us.” Jungkook’s silent whispers could be heard by you. You massaged your temples, now there was only one option left.
“If this baby dies then I’ll die with it. And if you don’t want this baby..” you take in a breath. He always gets your blood pressure so high.
“If you don’t want this baby that means you don’t want me either, so I will just divorce you because I have been thinking about it. you are becoming too much for me to deal with it’s time you fucking grow Up!”
“I will have this baby because this is the only ray of hope in my life. Now, it’s your choice, Jungkook.” Your words come out of your mouth carefully. You wait for his response. 
But all you get is silence.
When he doesn’t respond you decid to leave the room, but a loud sob holds you back. Did you mention that your husband is actually pathetic and good for nothing?
Yes, he’s rich but, so what? Yes, he handsome in the first man you loved but now you’re beginning to regret it.
His rough screams for you please you, oddly his suffering pleases you to the core.
It was about time he suffered.
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“B-Be careful Y/N!” Jungkook instructs you while you laid down on the bed, your hands coming to caress your 6 months pregnant belly. His eyes are fixated on your movements, never left your belly as he smiled softly.
“Y/N just one month is left until our baby is here!” Soft giggles left his mouth as he laid beside you and caresses your stomach. “You look so beautiful like this! You’re pregnant with my child. You’ll be the mother of my child. We’re going to be parents! Now, everyone would know that you’re mine! This baby will make us inseparable, y-you won’t be able to leave me now!” Another chuckle vibrates from his chest.
You’re not sure what has happened to him these past few months but you’re glad that there’s improvement.
Maybe it was your threat to divorce and that got his head straight.
But meanwhile…
He could look at you forever and not get bored. You look so ethereal with your belly swollen because of him. He made you like this. The thought of that really pleases him.
Now you couldn’t ever think of leaving him! This child has bounded you to Jungkook forever.
Your tired voice brings him back to reality, “Jungkook he’s going to be so beautiful and cute! I love the little shoes that your parents bought for him oh! And his little clothes?? And the baby bathtub? His nursery is by far my most favourite! My lovely son! I can’t wait to meet you! Mommy loves you so much!” You talked to the baby. An exciting smile gracing your features.
Yeah, it’s a little boy. And his parents are so excited for their first grandchild.
Everyone is excited about him, even his friends are excited to become uncles.
He doesn’t understand what is the breed about having a little child, because all they do is cry and fuss. And poop.
Jungkook scoffs at you cooing at the child who wasn’t even born yet. You used to coo at him like this. Jungkook was supposed to be your baby! Jealousy slowly starts to creep up again.
He needs to stay calm. But how can when his brain is just refusing to give him any peace.
A thousand scenarios run through his mind. What if you don’t love him anymore? Or what if you will give the baby more attention than Jungkook? Or worse, what if the baby will completely take his place in your heart? And worst of all, what if you completely forget about him?
“Kook! Jungkook! Your phones buzzing! It’s Eunwoo!” You shake his shoulders to get his attention, your husband has a tendency to zone out.
You couldn’t help but wonder about what he’s thinking about so focused?
“Jungkook!” your tone got louder this time. Jungkook finally blinked as he smile at you.
“O-Oh I’m so sorry Y/N! Please pass me my phone, princess?” You decide to let go the urge of asking what was he thinking so deeply about and pass him the phone.
Jungkook kisses your lips quickly as he excuses himself out. You nod, and he smiles brightly while picking up the phone. You then focus on the book.
It makes sure that he’s away from you. The large house has a lot of benefits to it, whenever he wants to complain? he can just come in one of the rooms and scream.
As soon as he leaves the room a cry left him. “Eunwoo! I-I need your help! I-I don’t want this baby! He will steal Y/N away from me! N-No that can’t happen! Help me please! Y-Y/N is already slipping away from my grip! Help me get rid of this baby! Please!” Jungkook rambles on like a maniac through the phone while on the other line, Eunwoo sighs heavily.
“calm down first.” He spoke timidly. Jungkook took a deep breath. He’s right, Jungkook needs to get a grip on himself first.
“Now listen, we talked about this.” Eunwoo’s tone changed. “W-What!?” The long haired male rolls his eyes, because he knows he’s about to get lectured But a lecture is not what he needs. Jungkook needs a solution to his problem.
“I don’t think you should do something so immoral like that…” Jungkook got confused. What is he talking about?
“W-We can’t kill him! Y-Y/N wouldn’t want that! N-No!” Jungkook clearified. Jungkook couldn’t displease you.
“What are you implying?” Eunwoo took in a deep breath.. “having a child with her is a good thing, kook. That’s what I’ve been trying to make you understand… she will be with you forever.”
Of course you will be with him forever because it’s not like he will let you divorce him but why does everyone keep saying that a child will make your relationship only stronger?
You don’t even touch him.. anymore. Maybe it’s the sexual frustration catching up to him. Maybe everyone is right.
Jungkook’s eyes widen at eunwoo’s voice. He’s not exactly wrong though. Jungkook take some moment to think about this all over again.
He did read on the Internet that sex will help induce labor-and if he will tell you that you will definitely give in to him. He cannot believe that he’s thinking about that right now, but he can’t help it.
There’s still three months left in your delivery. He can wait for three months, right? Or maybe he could just seduce you into bed tonight.
Why are you not horny. Women tend to get really hormonal with your hormonal issues. Don’t have anything to do with your sex drive.
He will fix that.
A dirty smile is now on Jungkook’s face. He holds the phone tighter as he speaks the final words to eunwoo.
“Thanks man! For always helping me! I owe you.” He smiles and sighes.
You have always given him what he wanted, jungkook he always managed to get his way with you, so maybe this time it should be you in his place.
“No problem man! It’s just like how you helped me get my girl… Seeing you like this with yn makes me remember when I was at your place... but I am glad that you have understood because she deserves to be happy..”
Jungkook chuckles loudly. “Of course! What are brothers for?” Jungkook’s eyes darken, because he knows that as much as eunwoo would like to think that he’s different from jungkook, he’s not.
He’s also right about the fact that you deserve to be happy. That’s why he’s been so hopeful supportive during your pregnancy.
“Let’s see when the baby comes..”and after saying goodbye to his friend? Jungkook walks back to your shared bedroom.
There you are, hand on your belly and your eyes scrunched together at the book you’re reading. He smiles at the sight.
No one could ever come between you and him. Not even his own blood. He belonged to you and you belonged to him. And the baby can never come between you and Jungkook.
You will have to decide the baby’s fate.
It all depends on you now.
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cheriladycl01 · 4 months
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Funny Gaming moments with Lando and Max (F) x QuadrantStreamer! Reader
Plot: Just funny moments where Reader is a member of Quadrant and is a big UK streamer that does everything on Twitch and YouTube.
A/N: this is only small and just for fun, better Lando stuff is coming out.
Credit to formulaonedirection for the GIF
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Moment 1:
"Do you earn more than Lando Norris, chat you guys are wild ... but honestly with my individual sponsors, YouTube and streaming and any of my weird side activities I think it'd be up for debate" you giggle not actually knowing how much difference there was in what you or Lando earned.
"Not girlie casually admitting that with her side hustle she earns as much as an F1 driver, yeah guys, you gotta think I stream and upload full time. So i get paid for each YouTube video I do, I'm a twitch affiliate and you guys are so so generous. I game competitively and earn from that. I have sponsors, so ... lets just say i had no trouble buying Lando's Christmas presents" you grin, knowing the man had widely expensive taste.
"Who am i spending Christmas with, well Lando's family has asked if I'd like to join them, but I'll be spending the holidays mostly with Max and Pietra. Oh my gosh guys, did you see Instagram? I met Martin Garrix! How cool is that!" you laugh.
Moment 2:
"So I'm here today with Lando, and I'm teaching him Valorant, he knows that I'm in good but I don't think he knows I'm Immortal" you say until you unmute yourself in discord.
"Hey Lando baby" you joke but all you get from the otherside is silence which makes your chat go absolutely crazy.
You hear a few coughs that sound like choking, so you check his stream making sure not to tab out on stream, seeing him sat there in shock in his chair blushing.
"Lando?" you ask, and you watch as he rearranges himself in his chair pulling the mic closer to him.
"Hi, hello yes. Sorry you just threw me off guard" he laughs, wiping across his face with his fingers.
"What are we?" he asks, and you burst out laughing at the question which makes him laugh too. Chat on both ends starts going crazy, with the spam of Lando Norizz <<< Y/N the Rizzler and you were both dying.
Moment 3:
"Argghh fuck" you scream leaning back and fulling falling back off your chair. You were currently playing the horror game ' In Silence with Max, Lando and Ria.
"No way did Y/N just fall?" Max asks laughing at the girl whose stream he pulled up seeing her laying on the floor gripping her shoulder while her chair was now also laying in the floor.
"SHE DID" Lando laughs and you groan out in embarrassment.
Moment 4:
"What was that chat? My door reopened and closed shut while I was gone?" you ask looking back at your door. You knew you were home alone, the only people having a key to your apartment being Max and Pietra and Lando. But they were all travelling right now and were on the plane.
"Chat, stop messing with me" you scold jokingly, you start to load up the game your changing too. However a knock at your bedroom door has you stilling.
"What" you mouth looking at the camera. You go to the door, chat spamming saying how by opening the door that how all the dumb movie characters die. You here another knock making you flinch, you rip open the door, screaming when you see the scary mask, jumping and tacking the person now.
"Ow Y/N fuck" you hear and you rip the mask of, knowing that voice but not wanting to assume.
"Lando?" you ask looking at him.
"I thought it would be funny" he jokes laughing.
Moment 4:
"So Lando, Max and I thought it would be funny to play Valorant but for every kill we get we do a shot" you exclaim.
"Y/N gonna need new kidneys by the end of this? Hmmm very true, maybe we change it to every time we die we do a shot?" you ask seeing what chat's opinion would be on that.
"Then Lando and Max will be needing new kidneys? Well, I'm playing on my alt account and I'm just chilling so we'll be in gold/silver lobbies. Last time we played on my normal account, it was a struggle.
"Lets ask what they prefer! Guys? You want to do shots every time we get a kill or when we die?" you ask after unmuting yourself.
"We playing with MILF account of FnaticY/N?" Lando asks.
"MILF of course. And no comps, I'm not being called a booster" you grin and Max groans, Max was gold 2 and was asking for you to coach him, you had watched him in unrated's but refused to do comps together.
"Wait, when did you change your name...didnt it used to be Ilovetits6?" Max laughs.
"Yes, but chat started to call me mother? So i just rolled with it" you grin looking at chat and winking.
Moment 5:
"Are you and Lando Norris dating?" you ask, and then you open your phone and call Lando himself.
"Hey baby!" you smile and show the chat what Lando is saved as and the picture while he's on speakerphone.
"Hey love. I'm a little late coming back. I got stuck here with Zac and Oscar, but Max and P wanted to know if you would like to go out for dinner with them tonight" he asks and you laugh.
"Wait, Y/N are you live"
"Maybe, look you said you were ready to go public. So this is payback for what you did to Max on stream!" you laugh, knowing he wont be mad at you, as you'd talked recently about going public.
"Exposed? Yes yes i did" you grin.
Moment 6:
"Y/N your boyfriend is horny come sort him out" AngryGinge says adding you to the call forcefully mid stream.
"Mmmm that sounds like a job for you" you says seriously and you pull up his and Lando's stream to watch what was going on. Some people had come into your stream to say to get Lando to end the stream before PR has his head.
"He's been moaning on stream Y/N get your man and take him home"
"Yeah sorry let me just hop on the jet to Monaco..." you joke, knowing you definitely don't have a private jet.
"Wait, just how rich are you? Your boyfriends out here buying watches for 400k, you have a private jet. This just ain't right!" he exclaims making you laugh.
"I don't have a private jet. But... I've been in one of Max Verstappen's" you boast, you'd been introduced to him through Lando as Kelly wanted to meet you and set you up with her modelling agency.
"Huh? WHAT?" he screams and you just laugh before leaving the call. You shoot Lando a teasing message watching his eyes change as he reads it, and he lets out a groan that soon turns into a joke as Angry Ginge yelled at him to calm down again.
Moment 7:
"Salem stop" you tell your cat, which had jumped up and starting to paw in your lap where the blanket lay across before flopping down wanting fuss.
She started to meow at you not getting the wanted attention, but you were in the middle of an important rank up game, that would put you as radiant in Valorant.
As the game went on, you apologized to your teammates when you died after nearly clutching a round when Salem distracted you by pawing at your hand on your mouse.
"Salem please bub. 3 more rounds and you can have all the cuddles in the world" you whisper to the cat before she settles down, you proceed to Ace the next round and your team and you win the next two. The end of the game, with the MVP you get promoted to Radiant #497.
You celebrated by grabbing Salem your black Bombay cat and hugging her tightly, she leans into you wrapping her paws around happy for the affection she's finally getting.
"Treat?" you ask receiving a meow.
Chat:
y/nloverrr02- not y/n celebrating like she just got a podium
landonorizz- what's harder, f1 win, or reaching the top 500 valorant players
wedonttalkabouther- please, mother is mothering!
deadlocknerf- not her top fragging as an omen and their jett with a negative kda.
lockandassit- well done on the promo!
LandoNorris- Babe! Well done! I watched your win! I'm so proud
"Thank you, everybody. I think I'll leave it there for the day and I'll come back and we can try and get into the 450's!" you exclaim before cutting stream.
Taglist:
@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc @mirrorball-6 @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @lilypadlover
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ghost-with-a-teacup · 10 months
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Hiii LOVE your fic 🫶🏻! I was wondering if you could write a fic where everything that happens in the chase scene, happens to fem!reader but Miguel actually catches up to her & kinda knocks her down. He begs her not to do this, to stay down. As she gets up she asks him if any of it was real, he says it was and still is. He tells her that he thought that if he pursue her romantically then she would accept her dad's fate & wouldn't go against him (of course it doesn't work) she says she can't do that & escapes. He loses it a little & starts destroying everything & makes it everybody's mission to find her
Just pure angst 😭 I'm sorry if this is a lot
𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞
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Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x Reader
Summary: You finally understand the true purpose of the Spider Society; protecting the canon, protecting the multiverse even at the cost of all the Spiders' suffering. But you were going to stop at nothing to find your way home, though Miguel isn't keen on letting you go.
Warnings: Angsty, Miguel gets angry.
“Miguel…what are you doing,” you ask softly, still not wanting to believe what you were seeing. All around you, members of the Society began closing in, caging you in an inescapable circle.
You didn’t want to accept it. That all these people, the ones you have grown to call family would turn their back on you in the blink of an eye. Or rather an order from their leader.
“I can’t let you leave, mi vida,” he says, eyes apologetic but unrelenting.
“What is the purpose of this place, the true purpose of this place Miguel,” you ask, your voice hardening. You had always believed when Miguel first recruited you it was to act as Spider-Man across the multiverse, no longer limited to your own hometown. But it seems there was some other agenda you were made unaware of.
He hesitates for a moment before exhaling lowly, eyes boring into yours.
“The Spider Society…was created to protect the canon of the multiverse. To ensure that in each world the events progress as they should,” he explains as the world disappears around everyone, replaced with holograms of a complex web.
“I don’t understand, what does that have to do with me saving my father?” you ask, and he winces.
You were never supposed to see the hologram and the message that followed it, you realize now. But you had snuck into the monitoring room, carrying a lunch of all of Miguel’s favourite foods when you saw it.
A hologram of your father going about his day, the message ‘Canon Event Detected. Time: 2 Days’ followed by the words ‘Soon to be Deceased’.
You thought it was some sick joke, some prank a cruel spider thought to play on you. But when you asked Miguel about it he refused to make eye contact with you, and that’s when the intervention began.
“Your father dying, is a canon event,” he says. “Just like how every person in this room undergoes their own canon events, their own version of loss. It's what ties every person in this room together in the web that makes up the Arachno-Humanoid Polymultiverse,” he explains, and you only grow more confused as he acted like that explanation justified any of this.
“So you’re saying you know that some of the most important people in every Spider’s life will die, and you just let it happen?” you ask, in disbelief at the blatant cruelty.
“It must happen, to ensure that life continues. That it doesn’t disintegrate into nothing…like how my universe disappeared.”
You only shake your head, taking a step back as your breath becomes slightly unsteady.
“You’re saying that our job here is to make everyone suffer, because of something that you fucked up a long time ago?!” you say, and his eyes narrow at you. It was harsh, but it was true. Perhaps the cumulation of disordered events could destroy a universe, but there was no way of proving that slight changes would hurt anything.
Scientific fact arises through countless hours of testing and experimentation. One result that happened one time shouldn’t dictate what the conclusion will be.
“You can’t tell me not to save my father, Miguel! I can’t just let him die if I can do something about it,” he says, and a look of pity washes over his face as he walks closer to you, but you take a step back.
“All this happens for a reason, these canon events allow us to become who we are, even if it hurts,” he says gently. And even though you hate to say it, it soothes you. His voice always has.
So much so, that you let down your guard for a single moment. Allowing him to come close and slip the watch right off of your wrist.
“No!” you say, trying to take it from his grasp but he was too fast. “How am I supposed to go home?”
“You won’t,” he says in turn.
“I’m sorry,” a voice cuts in from behind you. Jess, with a sympathetic look in her eyes. “I know it's hard, but it's for the greater good.” Looking around, you see all your closest friends surround you, but against you.
“Even you, Peter?” you ask softly, and he only glances away with guilt.
“2 days? That’s plenty of enough time, I’ll get home one way or another,” you say, glaring at Miguel.
“I can’t let you do that,” he says before he tosses a trap right at your feet. Before it can work, you use your telekinesis to throw it back, trapping him instead.
“STOP! ENOUGH OF THIS!” Miguel shouts. It was the first time in your life you had ever heard him shout, and frankly, it scared you as you watch him try to claw his way out.
Everyone immediately starts to move in on you, but you throw your arms out casting a force field that throws everyone back.
Leaving an opening for escape.
~
Running from hundreds of different spiders all on the hunt for you was not easy. It doesn’t make you feel very superhuman when all that are chasing after you were also superhuman, and quite frankly you were exhausted.
Not only physically, but mentally as well. The whole situation was taking a toll on you even if you were trying to shove it to the back of your head.
Luckily everything served as a pretty good distraction for the pain your heart was in.
“You can’t keep running,” Jess says as you leap from car to car on the freeway, tailing behind you on her motorcycle.
“What choice do I have?” you say, though your voice cracks. You see her determined expression falter. You and she grew close soon after you joined the Society, she was truly one of your best friends.
But best friends don’t keep things from each other, especially things as important as the supposed ‘cause’ you were all working for.
You notice her hesitancy, and that’s when you strike. Kicking her off her bike, you pin her to a car with your webs as you snatch the watch from her wrist.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” she says, looking up at where you hung from the vehicle, sadness in her eyes.
“You already did,” you say before swinging away.
~
You were very quickly running out of options for escape. Even with the watch, you couldn’t find an opening to program the watch for home.
As a last resort you latched onto the roof of the high-speed bullet train of Nueva York headed toward the skies, hoping that the force of gravity paired with the speed would at least stall some of the spiders off of your trail.
But before you could realize it, Miguel was very quickly on your tail until finally, he grabbed ahold of you, slamming you down into the roof as you yelped out in pain.
“STOP THIS!” he shouts, straight into your face. He doesn’t even take his mask off as he does, making the whole situation seem even more impersonal. You could only scoff in his face before the hurt overwhelmed you, and you spoke before you could stop yourself.
“Was any of it even real?” you ask softly, tears welling in your eyes as you do. Miguel looks taken back for a moment, eyes widened in surprise as his grasp falters for a second.
“What?” he asks.
“Was any of it real?!” you say louder this time. “Those times when you held me in your arms as I cried, the times when you kissed me in the kitchen as we made dinner together, or when we danced in the living room at night. When you said ‘I love you’ for the first time, was any of it even real?” You say as you feel the anger rise.
“Or was it just some kind of sick way of keeping me under your thumb because I’m the 'original anomaly’, to keep me from going against the canon and your sick agenda that you force everyone else to suffer?” you say, your voice loud now as you struggle harder against his grasp.
“It was real...in the end,” he admits, and you feel your expression drop. You wished that this was all some horrible nightmare, that you would wake up and this would just be in your head and he would hold you like he always did.
But deep down you always knew.
Knew that you loved him more than he did you, that this relationship was built on a lie. But you ignored it for the sake of your fragile heart, and here it is getting shattered all over again by the one person in this life you thought you could trust.
“We’re done, Miguel,” you say, resigned at last.
“Huh?” he says, as though he couldn’t believe your words even after everything you had been through.
“I said we’re done,” you say before you kick him straight in his stomach, launching him off of you so that he has to claw his way back onto the roof.
“Goodbye, Miguel,” you say, before you take a leap backwards, flying through the sky for a few moments until you open up a portal back home.
~
Miguel shouts in frustration as he marches back into the monitoring room, rage radiating off of his form in waves.
In his anger he shoves everything in his path out of the way, talons scratching into the walls as the rest of the Society surrounds him, awaiting his next orders.
Finally, he manages to calm down enough to utter out a single phrase.
“Find her, for the canon…for the multiverse,” Miguel says as guilt creeps in like vines around his heart at his lost love.
Taglist: @beiroviski, @scaraza, @blueoorchid, @remuslupinwifee, @local-mr-frog, @johfaam0, @rawegggohan, @honeycriess, @alexenoirex, @chimpkinnuggies, @rqdior, @banana—belle, @notasadgirlipromise, @6billionyearsold, @gods-perfectidiot, @ieatmunson, @honeii-puff, @wh0re4zaynmalik, @toplinehyunjin, @ohworm-writes, @ishii03, @snowywhiterose
A/N: Could you believe I was going to post fluff today? Crazy how life gets in the way sometimes, but hey, managed to get this fic out lol. Sorry, I know I'm the fluff writer and all but angst just hits sometime :3
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magicspeedwagon7 · 4 months
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a lot of analysis of "Saltburn" that i see on the internet focus on the text/subtext and maybe the symbolism but i'd like to focus on how messages can be conveyed by the visual elements of the film.
after your first viewing of the film, you've probably asked yourself a lot of questions, including: did Ollie genuinely like Felix (and all his plans derailed dramatically) ? or was Felix a mean to an end from the beginning (and Ollie's mistaken his obsession with Felix, more precisely what he represents (i.e. coolness, wealth, injustice etc) for genuine affection) ?
first and foremost, let's talk about the ratio used all throughout the film which is 1.33:1. so not a perfect square - that would be 1:1 - but here's a screenshot of my computer while i was playing the film on my media player so you can see the biiiig black stripes to the left and right.
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such a square-ish ratio - especially compared to larger ratios, the hollywood standard being 1.85:1 - allows paying attention to the characters instead of the background in wide shots or floor shots and offers 'intimate' close-ups because little to no background is to be see as you get closer to the characters. the main drawback and that we cannot capture imposing backgrounds with it. it just doesn't fit.
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the scene where Felix shows Ollie around the house illustrates perfectly the paradoxes of the film. Saltburn is central to the film and yet just a background.
the camera never moves away from Felix, not even when Ollie looks left and right. to add insult to injury, the narrow frame prevents us from looking at anything else even if we wanted to.
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"some fucking hideous Rubens" said Felix. Rubens that...we will never see. same for the maze Felix will die in: we'll see it later.
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of course, the previous scene depicted Ollie as insignificant compared to the castle but i think this scene is here to establish Duncan as the gatekeeper of the castle in a very literal sense. as if the gates of the castle had taken on a human form in the form of Duncan.
but the moment Felix comes in, all eyes on him.
for me, the message is clear: before the death of Felix, we don't care about the castle . there's not even a single room of that castle that you could describe extensively. do you know what Ollie's and Felix's rooms look like? and the dressing room? etc. Ollie was genuinely obsessed with Felix and he had to improvise when he died that aspect of him is not part of any scheme. in contrary i think the moments when Ollie's sexually excited by Felix (cf bathtub scene, grave scene) are Ollie's rare moments of vulnerability when his real personality slips through. he cold-bloodedly killed all the members of the Catton family except Felix he genuinely cried for.
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that's why i do not subscribe to the view that every single thing Ollie does is part of a scheme from the get-go. sometimes, Ollie improvises and his obsession for Felix is not a mean to an end.
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