#i feel like i dont belong there

[daylightfultay]

.

#i feel so stupid at school #i feel like i dont belong there #even tho i know im smart #like i understand things easily and i ask questions and im like good at remembering and stuff #but i am so sad i dont have the energy to just get up and study #and everyone around me is just focused on beimg the best and have goals and dreams #and so do i #but im just too tired and sad all the time to do anything abt it #and all my teachers just call me shy and quiet and they dont even care #they act like im just like this #im not usually like this i miss being happy and talkatibe #i miss being the best #i want to be everyones favorite #the boy i liked hes really smart and i just felt so stupid everytime i talked to him not bc im dumb i just idk how to explain #like i wasnt smart enough or good enough for him #which is crazy bc im never like that im always like oh hes not good enough for ME #anyway he randomly stopped talking to me and i acted like it didnt affect me but it did it actually broke my heart #because for some reason i genuinely liked him #the smartest girls in my class or whatever wanna like force a friend group w the smartest boys #and the way they act is actually mean and i seriously every single time im there i wanna die #they make me feel STUPID #and im not stupid #they act like im there as decoration or smth #like i dont even matter like im just a waste of space #like they have bright futures ahead of them and im just gonna like die at 18 or something #i just dont understand why they act like this #even the teachers talk to me like im dumb #the reason why i dont talk in class is bc everytime i do i get made fun of or like at least i feel like it #i seriously dont understand what made them like this

[bakudekublogblog]

maybe i'm reading too much into this (and i probably am) but it's such an interesting choice for hori to make it so izuku's rightful place during this final war arc was for him to be at katsuki's side, but he gets STOLEN from that rightful place to hear?? what honestly is a very noticeably out of place/ill-timed hetero love confession (i think even tsu is like THIS AINT THE TIME FOR THIS) and then katsuki DIES because of that. like forced heterosexuality directly leads to katsuki getting killed. izuku doesn't belong in this forced heterosexual love confession he belongs with katsuki and being taken away from katsuki leads to him almost losing katsuki forever.

#bkdk #bakudeku #hori what are you trying to tell me what am i supposed to glean from this #hori says heterosexual love kills people actually #alsjdflkasf #i know i'm reading into this but like it's #it's so #izuku gets TAKEN FROM HIS RIGHTFUL PLACE to be forced into hearing a love confession and meanwhile loses the real love of his life??? #am i.... yes probably reading too much into this but it feels so intentional #like it's right there it feels??? #i dont know this is probably reaching but i cant stop thinking about how izuku and katsuki were supposed to fight together #they belonged TOGETHER

[anantaru]

LET PEOPLE WRITE WHAT THEY WANT AND FOR WHO THEY WANT !!!!!

#if you feel entitled to a character get help #or a trope like get a grip #thats not normal #i promise you the trope you think you invented has been on ao3 since 2008 #the character doesn't belong to you no matter how much time you invested in them writing wise #the way i have to say this is crazy #i will never understand gatekeeping a pixel like that is insane #and if you're mad im saying its insane then i just want you to know #womp womp go outside #if you're a gatekeeper like that unfollow me #i dont want you here #AND LET PEOPLE BE HAPPY !!!!!!!

[julijbee]

don't you recognize me? don't you see yourself in my face?

#art #pathologic #artemy burakh #searching your own face for any indication of belonging/searching your own face for the features that make you other #growing into a face that no one recognizes #he means so much to me #the line between being othered and othering yourself #no matter what you do there is a part of you that you feel like you must betray #maybe ill explain it better later or maybe you get it already and i dont have to but he means a lot to me

[kidfur]

#wishy speaks #animals #stole this from a blog with big huge dni banner #but i dont feel bad cuz its not like any of these pictures belonged to them

[lineffability]

unpopular opinion time: I actually think aziraphale is the more jealous one

#good omens #ineffable husbands #theres the jealous crowley jokes everywhere and dont get me wrong i love them but #i actually dont think crowley js rlly jealous at all? 😅 #didnt even feel acted that way #possessive and protective? yes #jealous? idk #aziraphale on the other hand #if put into a Position #where jealousy might be a natural response... #i mean look at that Eyebrow #this gay angel has OPINIONS #and his opinion is crowley belongs to him #bc hes greedy like that #my omens

[bogkeep]

it was always a strange dichotomy. every middle school classmate i had told me i'd be a millionaire when i grew up, a Famouse Artisté. it's easy enough to imagine as a teen, i suppose: skill equals fame equals money. i was doubtful about this prophecy, not because i wasn't confident in my ability to draw, but because it was hard to imagine a world where i'd be paid for it.

it was an ice breaker game at summer camp. horrible one, really - everyone in a group were given a character profile. now we had to imagine that it was the zombie apocalypse, and the helicopter to safety was two seats short and we had argue why we deserved a spot. the character i got was an asshole doctor of some kind. i don't remember if i argued my way into the helicopter or not, but i do remember the feeling that's been hanging over me my entire life - if the apocalypse happens right now, i have nothing to contribute.

there's something really painful about it. i have cultivated a skill for my whole life, i can make art and tell stories that are entirely unique to me, there is no way to get someone else to create in the exact same way i can, and yet - i've contributed more to capitalist society by sitting in an empty hotel reception for eight hours a day.

which made me develop anxiety, to boot.

i illustrated two children's books. they're some of my best work. the contract i signed was industry standard and the indie author who had hired me was incredibly kind... but even after stock sold out i had earnt little more than some pocket change.

in high school we had an outing to dig our own snow caves that we would spend the night in. in teams, thankfully. i have so little physical strength to speak of, most i could do to help was clear away the snow rubble and toss it outside. i know, i know, my classmates reassured me it was an important job to do, i was an invaluable member of the group, sure - but it's that feeling, you know?

what would my task be in the communist solarpunk commune?

a person cannot be useless. it's a human being. they just exist, no ifs and buts about it. one can only be useless in the eyes of an ableist, capitalist society that sees no value in being alive beyond production and profit.

sometimes i receive messages from internet strangers to tell me something i said - often several years ago - was helpful to them. maybe it was a throwaway comment on a forum. maybe it was replying to a question they could've googled the answer to. maybe it was an encouraging reply to someone's artwork. turns out it mattered to someone. huh.

of course you can learn new skills. i have learnt plenty over the years! i have also learnt that there are limitations to what i can do. that some of the obstacles i face are not in fact obstacles everyone faces. it's not that i can't break tasks into smaller steps, it's more that half of those steps are going to be "rinse your hands because you Touched a Thing and now you're going to have to touch Another Thing." i wonder if that's adding to my cognitive load or something.

i was never raised to be a man, so by all accounts i do not understand why i'm so haunted by the spectre of toxic masculinity - what would i do if i was a medieval peasant and a war broke out? what if i was in a pre-historic hunter gatherer society and i was expected to hunt? what if i was a humble farm boy discovering the sword of the chosen one and the world depended on my non-existing courage to face certain death?

look, it's stupid. these are not scenarios i will find myself in. besides, pre-historic humans depended on community and taking care of each other. that's how we survive.

i'm not useless and i decided to make peace with being useless anyway.

we're surrounded by digital clocks. we can't really escape them. do we need watchmakers? would they save me a spot in the zombie apocalypse helicopter? no, don't answer that. i'm just happy i found something that requires a light touch and an observant eye.

#too long for twitter #I AM NOT ASKING FOR ADVICE I AM JUST MUSING AND WRITING A BLOG POST FOR THE JOY OF WRITING BLOG POSTS #not mentioned: the bachelors degree in art history i took to procrastinate with my life. #i would love to work as an illustrator still. if the opportunity to do so comfortably comes along i will take it #but im also happy to pursue my passion in my free time as something that belongs to me #number one question im asked whenever i tell someone i go to watchmaker school is 'BUT DO YOU STILL DRAW??' #it's like asking if i still breathe. yes! i still do the thing that makes me feel alive #it's just. we live in a world that's hostile to Live Comfortably and Pursue Creative Passions at the same time #and a society that can be so largely dismissive of art sometimes; all the while consuming it en masse #ah you probably get it. you dont need me to tell you

[nullbutler]

something something identity something something culture

#jumblr #jewblr #i dunno if this is the kind of thing that really belongs on my silly blog but ive been wanting to draw it for two days #this is just about feeling connection to culture #and i dunno i know the whole 'is judaism considered a race' thing is iffy as all hell #because it IS an ethnic group and i see it in basically every bloodline person ive met #there is a familiar look #our grandparents and babies look the exact same #of course converts are lovely and welcome and i'm not gatekeeping #but so long of just being like 'who am i? ah. i am nobody #i am a white girl from california who knows nothing of nothing' is a drastic understatement #i've dealt with anti semitism since i was a child #it has been everywhere #not many people understand it because its just...well we dont look that different (to the people who matter) (bad people can tell right awa #the immeasurable trauma of the holocaust and the weight of our grandparents and everything else is just so crushing...AND we look caucasian #is there no fate worse??? lmao #not saying i'm not caucasian of course i think two things can be true at once #but i think meeting someone and realizing we have the same face and with it faced the same hardship is really really meaningful #because to just say i'm some 'stupid white girl from california' is a butchering undercut of everything i actually am

[slavhew]

Hello!

If you're not too busy, would you mind listing some of the things you think count as death flags for Mr. Spender?

There's the obvious fact that he's the "old" mentor to group of young protagonists, but what else do you think would count?

OHH BOY ok so I'd think I'm a crackpot for this but since we're talking about Zack "Foreshadowing" Morrison. I have some thoughts

No harm in leading with the (chronologically) first thing that jumped out at me:

This one IMMEDIATELY made me antsy whenever I came back to it after my initial read, and considering Zack has referred to it on twitter in the past as one of their favorite jokes it's definitely not been forgotten about.

Second, the sheer amounts of near-misses, jokey or not, of Spender narrowly avoiding specifically lightning

Again, not much, but it's weird that it happened thrice, latter two of which had real gravitas rather than an one-off joke.

And third, Spender himself. He's repeatedly shown himself to be kind of a self sacrificing idiot, as well as prideful to a fault. Granted, it's both him and Mina trying to take on all the responsibility of saving Mayview and its inhabitants from their fate.. But Spender is exactly that right measure of doesn't-value-himself-enough (chest footprint aftercare or lack thereof), having an obscene amount of power (enables his loner act + pride) and poor judgement that has the capacity to put him at great risk. And it has!

Spender has not only shown low enough self-esteem to view himself as the de-facto scapegoat for the safety of the town, but also prideful enough to make very bad calls that end up in people, often himself, hurt (COUGH FORGE INCIDENT COUGH)

This is all conjecture, but it's definitely enough to make me worried about him :') Even if all this doesn't mean he'll necessarily die he's definitely getting (even more) seriously injured at some point. I love the guy but he's so far doing a horrible job of convincing me he wants to live bad enough to circumvent at least that

#not art #admin answers #paranatural #pnat #richard spender #pts-fic-notes-and-blog #before i continue on with tag ramble i just want to say tysm for leaving an ask! #none of my friends read this so ive been stewing on these thoughts for some months and i loved finally sharing them #this isn't exactly proof but the hijack possession seemingly being the final nail in the coffin for his and isabel's relationship. #idk it feels significant to me. thats one more tether to support kinda gone. someone who knows him well enough to know he's unwell #he seems not exactly content but fr incapable of not burning bridges as he is now. and considering how rashly he acts he REALLY needs those #to not do stupid shit all the god damn time with no buffer other than Lucifer. who for his measured approach to rick's hotheadedness #has honestly shown himself to be pretty lenient and kinda bad at controlling spender's more (self) destructive tendencies? so he dont count #to be clear i love spender to bits but he is dumb as rocks and has all the self preservation of a fruit fly. it needs to be said #also the lightning man... idk its WEIRD like especially on the reread its the thing that most consistently threatens him! it repeats #sure he gets chewed by a bat and banged up by forge but?? he somehow always comes back to lightning. catnine has it out for him #its something i didnt even really put together until i continued reading the flashback chapter AFTER getting this ask and went OHHHGNHF #which the only reason lightning is such a non issue is lucifer's powers. which belong to his sunglasses and not to the spirit in him #so its not like they can't be taken away he's just got a really good excuse for having those on all the time #TAGS GETTING SO LONG. ANYWAYS. i hope this is comprehensible lol

[misfithive]

Im really really hoping the theory about Wille having a birthday in s3 are true because i want Simon to give him a gift SO BADLY. I want it to be something sweet and whimsical and soft bc Wille deserves whimsy in his life. Even if it is a gag gift that Wille actually ends up keeping. I really want the stuffed animal frog like i mentioned in my unhinged s3 list bc its the opposite of the snow globe with the hard (now jagged) edges. Like a soft stuffed frog (no crown) it would be so cute :(((((( But really Simon giving Wille any kind of sweet simple gift would be so cute to me.

Editing to add a picture of what i am envisioning bc i’m annoying like that! Pls just imagine it !

#i fear young royals might be too serious to do something like this #but simon’s stuffed animal and sara’s horse stuffed animal are feeding my hopes of wille having a atuffed animal s3 #plus u know when the rich person has everythinn the could ask for but then they get something thats not expensive but very mesmingful? #idk if thats a real trope but i love if #i am also stereotypical autistic person who has 500 stuffed animals and i think everyone should have the same #i thought i posted this days ago but oh well #simon deserve whimsy too but idk i think wille making him the sandwiches and taking care of him is more what i want vs a gift #unless its like a promise ring or him giving simon something sentimental that belongs to him idk i cant explain it #plus i think it would feel vulnerable for simon to give wille something and hope he likes it which would be soooo cuteee i love shy simon #wilmon #simon eriksson #prince wilhelm #young royals #young royals s3 #yr spoiler #<tagging as a spoiler incase people dont want fan theories or something im sorry #yr s3 spoilers

[lifeof-pink]

kdj trying to kill himself after seeing the OD is such a visceral and gut wrenching part of the book—

“Something was wrong. A blade… I, I needed to find a blade.” <- this scene (chapter 515) actually broke my heart, i genuinely felt sick reading it. he’s so desperate to die that it’s honestly palpable, it’s like finally seeing that truth behind the snarky mask kim dokja always wears. it took me until this point to realize that every time he tried to sacrifice himself for his companions, it wasn’t just a well thought out plan but a true, genuine suicidality and the acceptance that he might not come back. that he isn’t worthy of living a good, happy life with a happy ending. (which maybe i’m just slow, but i really fell for dokja’s lies, every single time i thought to myself “everything’s going to be fine because he has a plan to survive this,” and almost every single time i was right. except for the end i suppose.)

and fuck, it hits so, so hard.

#tw suicide #like i know thats already a big theme in the book but in this case i feel the need to very explicitly tag that #orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv spoilers #kim dokja #the oldest dream #i wasnt planning on writing a sad post today but alas. #‘are orv fans allergic to being happy’ yes sorry #dont go into my replies like ‘you’re thinking too deep about this’ or whatever #i know i am!! i know its probably not that deep #i know that he probably did see himself having a happy ending probably #but when i think about his character #and when i think about his actions #i cant help but see a bit of that sort of undercurrent of ‘i don’t belong’ #that sort of undercurrent of ‘i want to die’ #his character feels relatable to me #take that statement as you will i guess #not that ive sacrificed my life for anyone #lol #but that passive sort of way he approaches the topic #all jokes and smiles and such?? #and other people are like ‘uhm. no i think you need help.’ and he cant see it #thats so???? #he needs therapy #*i* need therapy #sorry for traumadumping in main orv tag LOL #feel free to get mad at me in replies i understand #this could be a total mischaracterization of kdj #probably is tee bee atche but OH WELL. also i hit tag limit oops. 30 tags is the limit apparently

[celestialrealms]

Honestly I think the saddest thing about the Nightbringer timeline to me is just how alone Diavolo is. Tbh, the only person he really has at this point is Barbatos (and I would never devalue their relationship. It’s my favorite in the franchise. An elderich monstrosity swearing undying loyalty and being a friend and parental figure to an abused and othered child will ALWAYS get me)

even Mephisto, there’s a distance there because of their upbringing and the current political situation in the Devildom.

Yes, Diavolo says he helped the brothers for selfish reasons… and that’s true to an extent! But the fact that people who think he’s taking advantage of them for the sake of using them for the Devildom have been vehemently proven wrong. He’s literally just lonely, and is in fact going against the grain of how the nobility wants him to treat them as much as he can.

Is it healthy to keep people in his life by having them swear loyalty to him? No. But imo, it I do think it is a purposeful parallel to how controlling of his brothers Lucifer is. They are both pride demons with similar daddy issues, after all. Diavolo just didn't have a family surrounding him to look after

Except he’s on the outside of that. He doesn't want to be, but he is. At least in the current timeline we had those arcs where Diavolo was able to form more genuine connections to the brothers. I loved that!! But now in the Nightbringer timeline… he’s having to deal with so much and at the same time has none of those connections to the brothers any more.

Idk. It just makes me a hundred times more sad than anything else. Sorry not sorry.

Especially since Solmare refuses to let Diavolo romancers prioritize and care about him in any way.

#does this make sense? i honestly cannot write this kind of post my brain is too mushy to get my thoughts out properly lmao #i keep wanting to get this point across about diavolo but i feel like i'm not that best at it sowwy #this is why i dont write meta #obey me diavolo #obey me nightbringer #obey me #obey me shall we date #long post / #diavolo #thinking about the parallels of diavolo and barbatos being so alone and how they both said that the connections they made #re. the brothers for diavolo and diavolo for barbatos were all for selfish reasons... & shaking them up in the glass jar where they belong! #also anything they do wrong is objectively cute silly and funny on account of their pretty privilege

[quietwingsinthesky]

the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?

to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.

#regret here meaning less feeling the emotion of actual regret obviously because time lords do not actually funxtion on unicorn rules. they #already get sad just fine on their own. no humanity needed for that. #but i dont know. i just dont think he brushed it off so easily. i think he did a hell of a job convincing himself he did. #and what better way then to twist his own great works and destroy the species he was working so hard to save at the end of the universe. #but what about the knowledge that he *could* be that person. that somewhere in him exists a version that wanted to save people. #a version that is painfully too much like the doctor. even. now is that part worse or better than the human part? #but if past regenerations are ghosts i think yana deserves a haunt. #anyway maybe ignore this one im rambling about nothing here #theres just. i dont know. what if you were the last of your kind and in surviving you made yourself Not Like Them in a way you’ll never #escape. #i mean doctor who is just so concerned with all these plots about hybrids and children of the tardis and clones and What Makes A Time Lord. #but they’re so obsessed with it in just. a very Lore way. is what it feels like. we get brushes of more like with jenny and how she’s #physically a time lord and the doctor denies her that inheritance. a shared suffering… #but me myself im just fascinated with the doctor and the master as the time lords who survived. but they survived Wrong #its. its. children of gallifrey that don’t belong to her anymore. you know? #i dont care if river’s got time lord dna!!! or the metacrisis is physically human!!! i dont care!!! talk to me about what it means beyond #their blood and bones!!! what’s it like to have your sense of self stripped from you like that!!! #what’s it like when so much of you is the shed skin of time lords past. but one of you was human. one of you was painfully *humiliatingly* #human!!! #enough about how much dna you need to count as a time lord. i want to know how much they can mutate until they can’t be recognized as one. #does that make sense?

[pensbridgertons]

SWANFIRE APPRECIATION WEEK 2023

day 2 ♡ season you associate with them → autumn

swanfire + red (taylor's version) (in/sp)

#sfweek2023 #swanfireedit #swanthiefedit #emmaswanedit #nealcassidyedit #ouatedit #onceuponatimeedit #swanthief #swanfire #emma swan #neal cassidy #ouat #once upon a time #** #otp: i love you; i probably always will #i dont really have a good explanation for it but they just feel like autumn to me idk #i think summer would make a lot of sense for them too but autumn is my first thought #and so i did them + red songs bc its very much a fall album and also a swanfire album <3 #and there are several more songs from the album that belong here it just would have been too many gifs 😂

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

Being queer and neurodivergent is great and all until you're with relatives and you watch other people and feel like an outcast in your own family

#extra fun that i cant exactly tell my therapist that being queer is one of the reasons i feel this way #because peoples opinions on queer people here generally arent good #idk sometimes it feels like I dont belong anywhere and feel really alone even though i know im not #its just the way other people live and do things seems genuinely impossible for me. i dont get how they do it #sometimes wish i wasnt who i am ngl #can someone please tell me something nice. my self esteem is buried deep underground right now and i feel not great #sorry for bringing vent posts here on tumblr. i just genuinely dont have many people or places that I feel okay talking about this stuff #especially no one irl i feel okay telling all this to #and dm'ing people is also really difficult. i genuinely struggle to do it #vent post

[cosmicrhetoric]

ive said this before but giving your gay machiavellian parody figure a little crusty eyed doggie who looks like shit and is pushing a million in dog years and is also named wuffles is honestly the best character design move a person couldve made for vetinari

#give a man who looks like he owns a long haired white cat a dog that belongs in an aardman production #i am not subscribed to multiple wuffles theory however just cause i dont think vetinari has the time to visit ten different dog cemeteries #havelock vetinari #like dont underestimate the power of one 25 yr old geriatric dog that never stops shaking #discworld #making money best 300 page long con into getting the man another little dog that looks like shit #terry pratchett #my god i shouldve been asleep two hours ago but i feel so guilty when my may isnt singularly consumed with discworld