#even tho i know im smart

[daylightfultay]

.

#i feel so stupid at school #i feel like i dont belong there #even tho i know im smart #like i understand things easily and i ask questions and im like good at remembering and stuff #but i am so sad i dont have the energy to just get up and study #and everyone around me is just focused on beimg the best and have goals and dreams #and so do i #but im just too tired and sad all the time to do anything abt it #and all my teachers just call me shy and quiet and they dont even care #they act like im just like this #im not usually like this i miss being happy and talkatibe #i miss being the best #i want to be everyones favorite #the boy i liked hes really smart and i just felt so stupid everytime i talked to him not bc im dumb i just idk how to explain #like i wasnt smart enough or good enough for him #which is crazy bc im never like that im always like oh hes not good enough for ME #anyway he randomly stopped talking to me and i acted like it didnt affect me but it did it actually broke my heart #because for some reason i genuinely liked him #the smartest girls in my class or whatever wanna like force a friend group w the smartest boys #and the way they act is actually mean and i seriously every single time im there i wanna die #they make me feel STUPID #and im not stupid #they act like im there as decoration or smth #like i dont even matter like im just a waste of space #like they have bright futures ahead of them and im just gonna like die at 18 or something #i just dont understand why they act like this #even the teachers talk to me like im dumb #the reason why i dont talk in class is bc everytime i do i get made fun of or like at least i feel like it #i seriously dont understand what made them like this

[soldier-poet-king]

Biggest difference at the new job (besides The Everything) is being treated like an adult and a professional (despite being contract), rather than a kid who just happens to be computer literate unlike the rest of the staff, so I'm kept around for that. It's really nice? To be treated as an equal and intelligent and a professional worthy of my title, even tho yes I'm still young and new and learning, I have responsibility and autonomy and am in many ways my own manager, and I get to make decisions. It's scary and new and things are expected of me way more, but that's also exciting? Even as it's real stressful? Idk I'm still settling in, but after my first full week I'm??? I think this is going to be really good for me, personally and professionally

#i am still very nervous and scared and i felt like crying a bunch this week #and i have so many responsibilities and have to schedule so many meetings #and ask so many questions that make me feel really stupid #but im treated like an adult! a real professional! despite my youth and relative inexperience #i got the fancy job title. i have the academic qualifications. im. just? really happy? #it feels like my years of slogging thru just trying to survive lacking any clear direction #have landed me finally somewhere i can thrive. even if its just temporary #its too early for final judgements #but im tentatively....hopeful??? even tho I'm scared abt the newness. it's stuff i can handle (probably). and i KNOW im smart and capable.

[silenthillbunni]

🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts :// #idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt.. #i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw.... #nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭 #idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know..... #oh if only things were easy

[todayisafridaynight]

would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol

i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki

#snap chats #haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant #anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much #i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do #fine lets get Real Talk about it #well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there #and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway #i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls #like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it #that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji// #like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence #smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on #its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP #i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode #especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much #i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught #aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up #and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful #his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry. #his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore #like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene #plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too.... #idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL #i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀 #maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO #thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever

[pomfiores]

the nice thing about living at work being offline for chunks at a time is the people u used to really dislike seeing on the dash (by no one's fault, promise), it doesn't really bother you anymore when you see them pop up as recs or smth. like. neat. lol. it's nice! it's comforting. i feel like I've def moved on from things, its liberating.

#◟ ⋆ㅤㅤif my hair's a mess﹐my mind's a mess.ㅤ( ooc ) #to delete * #still on brainrot about this crush or whatever it is #decided to be upfront with her lol donnnnt have the highest hopes but #as someone who likes transparency and directness -- i feel its right. #and if not! im 100% ok with it too like its not my first time #i am v clumsy w this tho bc i don't usually tell people lol if im even Remotely interested. so. #she's branching out for'shore. #also confided in my brow girl who's also a lesbian and she was like 'girl ask her. that'd make it clear like whenever ur in the area' #she's absolutely right. so. there's that. thank god i have one lesbian person irl who i can talk to about this shit #she wanted to have me do gay clubs that she knows of. women only. sounds fun! but. nah. work keeps me :') #she's a teacher :') a professor technically. i feel so stupid LFKASJFA #i dont think im dumb! by any stretch! but. the fact she teaches (art) and is tech a teacher im like god akjfsha #how do i talk wtf akjfsa i can sound Smart totally oh def (help)

[mejomonster]

What's so wild to me is like. Wille technically hooking up with anyone in Hillerska would've been a scandal. Simply because like. While within the student body it would've likely been fine (the same way all the girls pretty much KNOW it was really wille in the video with Simon but publically it "wasn't wille"), if his cousin August wanted to fuck up his life he could still leak info and hurt Wille. Like... Wille could've immediately gotten with Felice, and any public leaks of a video would still have led to his mom going "We need you OUT of that school and making a press statement." Or if it had leaked to the public they had the party with drugs, which is why getting Alex not to rat them out was such a big deal.

Within Hillerska, in fact, even if he'd been with a boy... if it had been say one of the inner group that knows August, most likely everyone would've kept their mouth shut. Still it would be a risk, because being with a boy means scandal blackmail they can use over Wille if they want to hurt or threaten him to do something (cough August cough). But still, in the grand scheme, Wille could've probably been fine crushing on some person like Alex along with a non disclosure agreement.

But Simon. Simon and his sister Sara in particular are the outliers of the school. Sure, it would be a scandal in PUBLIC either way if anything Wille does at school (that isn't picture perfect) gets out. But Simon is partly such a Risk, because INTERNALLY Hillerska does not approve. They don't want someone who isn't elite to talk to them, sit with them, converse with them. Sara gets off slightly easier because Felice does make an effort to see her as equal, use her own status to back up Sara (and since Felice is queen bee there's no bully pushing back on it the way August tries to push Simon back down if Wille tries to treat Simon as equal), and Sara tries hard to blend in and not stir the pot. Simon gives zero fucks about blending in, about playing nice or tolerating bullying, he is himself pure and simple. And Hillerskas elite little teens don't want to be seen mixed up with a regular teen, and in particular the guy's don't want to look chummy with a guy with zero power (is it fragile masculinity? That they all NEED TO OWN MASSIVE PROPERTY to be respected by each other? need to have tangible POWER which is why season 2 Wille has a pretty easy time pushing August down since August doesn't have any). So for the guy's and their fucked up values in particular? It hurts their ego, to see how HARD they have to try just to get a speck of respect. And then to see Wille, the PRINCE who's automatically got more than they ever will (and who they like pushing down in the hierarchy on technicalities to feel he at least has to conform to be powerful too), to see Wille talk to Simon as an equal? Absolutely unacceptable to them. Even without the crush, just being Simon's friend is so unacceptable to them. Seeing Wille value Simon more then them is like throwing all the hoops they jump through and maintain in their face (much like Wille starts breaking things for August season 2). It was always going to be a massive hurdle for Wille to want to be close to Simon. Not even to the country or the monarchy, but also at a much smaller level. In their world in their school, its not a possibility that their peers can allow to exist. At least not when Wille starts school. (Though ill say Felice and Wille have done a bit at starting to dismantle that)

#young royals #lb #rant #i am too tired and sick rn but. i think theres decinitely merit in comparing Hillerska to society at large #and the elite and the power structures they enforce and self imprison tjemselves in. in order to keep down ALL OTHER people. #and how hillerska is a micro version of that. #and why simon is Such a threat. sara? she is ultimately going the route of: attempt to conform and eventually #be accepted for following the rules and sysyem and become New Money #and we know how that goes politically... #whereas simon is like... fuck the system. im just as smart. i have the right to equality simply by existing. #i dont have to change to deserve that. i WILL punch August for using me. even tho it breaks the hierarchy. #i will let a Prince (symbolic of the TOP of the elite hierarchy) go to soccer and treat him #like an equal to me. not better. no hoops to jump through. no catering to him #politically simon represents a Lot.... #and wille highlights the points as like yhe Elite who is aware the whole system is fucked up and stupid and shouldnt exist #he benefits but he doesnt want to be like Felice and help people climb WITHIN the system. #he doesnt want the system and inequality FULL STOP. so of course he sees simon as #the best moral option. simon represents what wille considers ideal and correct.

[kateis-cakeis]

something something maybe the "no nightingales" line is some reverse dramatic irony. Maybe they know something about nightingales/the song/both that we don't, and that something has something to do with why Aziraphale looks like he realises it's all over when Crowley points it out. (And why Crowley says "we could have been us" like there's no other way out now, like it is all over)

Maybe that song/bridsong signifies them being together???? Maybe something else I'm missing???

But you sure can hear some birdsong just barely over the noise of the traffic in the scene where Aziraphale calls the Bentley their car. (It's the only scene where I can hear some, parallels S1)

And the Bentley sure does play the 2nd verse of the cover. S1 started it off, and it played throughout the credits. S2 plays the second verse. S3???????

Well there are 3 verses in the cover after all.

That certain night The night we met There was magic abroad in the air There were angels dining at the Ritz And a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square

I may be right I may be wrong But I'm perfectly willing to swear That when you turned and smiled at me A nightingale sang in Berkeley Square <--- We are here, maybe, idk maybe, I'm not saying anything, but something something it's interesting

The streets of town Were paved with stars It was such a romantic affair And as we kissed and said goodnight A nightingale sang in Berkeley Square

I know 'cause I was there That night in Berkeley Square

#good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable husbands #i just made a post where i said im not smart enough #i'm notttt smart enough okay so take it with a grain of salt #but idk i just was thinking about it a lotttt something something they knowwwww somethingggg maybeeeeeeee perhaps #i dont know anything but i sure know when to pay attention to songs in shows and this maybe perhaps is one of those times especially since #Neil Gaiman said in reply to an ask that it's a reference but like it sure is it sure issss and what's going on thereeeee #why choose the 2nd verse to play in the car and not the 3rd hmmm even tho the 3rd mentions a kiss #and as well you know it's the 2nd one because the melody plays a lil so it plays just enough to be able to work it out #just sayingggg Neil Gaiman did say to listen to the lyrics sooo

[monsterbisexual]

feeling like im being driven to my execution (its a drs appointment)

#p #also thats a little dramatic but i do hate them so much #i was feelin like well ill be uncomfortable n miserable but its not the end of the world #buuuut then i remembered (TMI AHEAD U HAVE BEEN WARNED) #that last month ish when i was here for an actual concern (n agreed to this physical bleh) #i was told im overdue for another pap smear n like they cant force me into it ofc but i know its smart to do it #cuz i already have lots of anxieties abt what if i secretly have some disease or condition n im gonna die blah blah blahh #but last time it was so awful n i was like crying thru it cuz of the pain which. isnt normal #googling it afterwards i found ppl saying stuff like 'it might be weird n uncomfortable but not too bad' #so i was like well ok thats just me then i guess :/ #n anyway i def think i have that condition called w/e cuz ive never been able to do any kind of like. anything in there #not like day to day its a huge deal but for this its not too fortunate :/ #so long story short i remembered ill have to decide if ill let them do it again at this appt #n i was reading abt the process again n then uh oh crying -_- #omw now n idk what ill do tbh. def wanna say no but also idk i shld be responsible or smth #dies instead. #n anyway even if its just the super basic physical theyre gonna do ill still wanna become an incorporeal entity thing #hate it hereeeee (body) #its a PA im seeing who i remember being nice some other time i saw her so theres that at least #theyre gonna wanna weigh me tho i forgot that too jeez #i said no last time but idk. kms

[jayssillycreativitybox]

How am I feeling today you ask?

THIS IS HOW I FEEL-↓↓↓

•Got sunburnt

•Whole body aching cause of cartwheels

•Eye capillary and Hand capillaries popped

•Bruises on legs

So shortly IN PAIN

#aaa #aaaaa #aaaaaa #yes all im saying is true #how did cartwheels make me have body aching? #cause im weak as heck #plus the fact i was learning how to do cartwheels #dont think having Hypermobility is the one to blame for the pain- #however the sunburn is cause i as a very “smart” persona desided i didn't need sun screen #EVEN THO I DAMN WELL KNOW I HAVE SENSITIVE AND THIN SKIN #AAAAAAAA DAMN YOU PAST ME #bruises on my legs is another story not relating to yesterday- #but like its hard to walk and even stand uuuuuuppppppppp #as you can see im having the best day of my life #yipeeeeee

[this-should-do]

ykno i think that only ever being told im physically appealing by drs saying i could be prettier if i did this or that or lost weight or by my mom trying to emphasize how im a pretty GIRL to invalidate my desire to be more masculine most of my life probably affected my ability to feel good about my body

#like genuinely i have not been complimented on my looks for a majority of my life by peers #like ive had friends recently like say im slaying or looking good but like in the face kf yhings it doesnt like do anything i guess like #its what friends do #i had a person j used to be friends comlliment me once about me looking hot and sexy and i started feeling nauseus so i dont know what thats #all about so its like would i even want people tk ckmpliment on looking good? do j need that? how does it work why would i need it #when i dont really desire the types of relationships where being attractive matters #if im in my ideal state of mind i dont even register my body its seperate from me and im just my thoughts so i dktn have to think about #my ohysicality but when i have to register myself i just feel ugly but even more it all just feels wrong to have a body at all and thats #prob where the transness comes in tbh #like i dunno is it better for me to have avoided being told over and over that im worthy becuz im attractice as a woman or is that a symptom #kf me just being ugly that nobody ever commented on my body aside from adults daying how cute and ptetty i am and then my mom telling them #that im actually really smart to help me value my mind over my body becuz she grew up being ugly while also thinking shes stupid #like #like all of this to result in me being ugly no matter what way i cut it and i cant even bring myself to care much about it most of them time #even tho it feels mishapen in my mind as a feeling #its like bad and i look at myself in the mirror and i feel bad i look bad my face is wrong and its like the strongest feeling i feel some #days for those brief seconds i see myself and then j look away and it goes away and im back to having normal bland brain waves #its kinda fucked

[devilfruitdyke]

its telling that every discussion about 'gifted kids' focuses on the gt program's effects on adults and not. gifted kids

#'im soo burnt out from being told i was smart all throughout school even tho no one took my real passions seriously': valid feeling #'anyway this kid checking out an advanced nonfiction book was soooo cute they probably didnt even understand it 🥺🥺' #< yr repeating the cycle by not taking 'smart kids' passions seriously👍 #i was told in kindergarten that my book about drugs (already scaled down for kids) (i want to be a biomed scientist to this day) #was too inappropriate. it didnt get banned or anything i just felt really embarrassed and alone #the message was basically that i could know things within the boundaries of the school system and nothing else #and then i did well at school leading to the cycle of overwork that dominates 'gifted kid' discussions #but the expectation of being Normal and On Grade Level led me to be like. oh no however shall i spell 'together' by 1st grade #tags dont relate a lot to the body of the post but still. children are people

[citrine-elephant]

what if zane just had implants in his brain to make him think faster (on account of how fast he can move and process the battlefield)

but it was just that meme of "i'm stupid, FASTER"

#borderlands #why did i only think of this like... 3 years later #legit consideration tho... part of my brain still wants to imagine him as a very smart hyper-genius dude #but in lore he's not genius levels #maybe out of impatience #but could we consider he's actually got some literacy problems #im in no way shaming btw! #it's just interesting to think since he was born on pandora #maybe just consider he has a lot of issues writing and sometimes with reading #like he did better than someone like captain but he still struggles #the idea moxxi/marcus had about presenting someone else to fool your enemies #and under/overestimate you #like how apparently he refuses to take baths #just presents himself as this cold and clean genius badass #but he's got adhd and he's stinky and has some learning difficulties #again no shame in it i try to be aware of that with myself + not shaming intelligence #please let me know if i'm saying the wrong things #the post wasn't even about intelligence but i gotta tag-ramble lol #*technically wasn't. memes but was thinking more of processing faster like a computer

[todayisafridaynight]

y2 daigo dinner but make it healthy <- theres seltzer instead of booze <- this does not negate the heart attack in a can right next to it

#snap chats #fyi never make a post on tumblr mobile because it will never go through and you'll want to kill someone !!!!!! #anyway hi everyone :) back from nyc :) i have THE LAMEST stories to tell tomorrow but rn im giggling at my new kirbies #and the christmas gifts i got my bro but moving on Before Anyone Starts and i swear to god I Will Kill You if you say 'well actually' #i know daigo is more of a whiskey man and they dont put whiskey in a can but for the bit we will act like he drinks beer sometimes #i wanted to make jokes for a while abut daigo drinking liquid death to try and contol his binge drinking so let me have this #i already made jokes about daigo drinking monster. probably. maybe. definitely to someone at least. #i dont even like energy drinks but.... heh... guess you could say..... i was... drawn like a... moth to a flame... hehe.. #butterflies and moths are cousins suck my gonads. anyway my fave moth is the luna moth and my fave butterfly is the dragonfly-tail butterfl #theyre so silly looking and the colors are so pretty...... #highkey tho this post relevant to the times cause of that fuckin redbull post i made LOLOLOL #playable daigo but he drinks monster instead of tauriner oh god THERES TAURINE ON THE FUCKING CAN #shaking crying throwing up im so fucking smart #ok im gonna drink both of these now <3 because im a glutton <3 BYE

[skelly-jellyss]

breaking bad: this is a realistic show about cancer and murder and the drug trade. no one will be ok by the end of this

me: yeah… but will they be ok???

#breaking bad #im sorry im sorry i just #get so attached to these random ass characters #even tho i know their fates are predetermined im like #im the Chosen One actually they will be ok. just for me #idk i know walt gets worse but i just want him and skyler to be happy #a cute lil family unit #and walt jr would be SUCH a good big brother i know he would #and jesse is a dumbass but in a smart way i want him to be a big brother too #and like #find his people #hes a talented cartoonist he should be allowed to do that and not cook meth #@breaking bad writers i fixed your depressing show x #by making it not depressing #idk im #just rambling at this point #teenage girls should not be allowed to consume media #source: me a teenage girl #ok shutting up now #liveblogs

[capriszn]

nauur that confession scene had me blushing and kicking my feet only for them to skip three years forward right after I WAS ROBBED FR‼️

#im watching lighter and princess #free my boy li xun from misery i cant stand all the misfortunes lmaoo #it hurts more knowing hes about to go to jail i dont even wanna know what kinda shit is gonna go down in the second half #smart nerd who sucks at sports>>> #they are so cute i cant believe we didnt get anything after they started dating!!! what a kiss tho whew 10/10 confession scene #i dont wanna keep watching knowing he was in jail for 3 years nahhhhhh this hurts fr #meanwhile i cant bring myself to watch you are desire bc im way too attached to him playing rangrang LMAOOOO #personal

[vamptastic]

while i am also put off by the insistence to at all times use the most inflammatory, insulting, and condescending language towards anybody who disagrees with their fringe beliefs, the primary reason i just cannot engage with T/ERF bullshit even for the sake of trying to break down why they believe the things they do is the utter and complete lack of unbiased sources. seriously, every single time its like, transwomenareevil.com and every article is talking about a crime some random trans woman committed using the most libelous language possible. they legitimately read like a list of crimes read out before a mob before someone is shot in the head. no statistics, not even unbiased analysis of anecdotal examples, the vast majority of scientific articles they do attempt to cite, usually regarding medical transition, are meta analysis that do not actually support their claims if you, yknow, fucking read them (as always its 'more data needed'). it's all based on kneejerk disgust reactions or fear stemming from personal trauma. not the kind of thing im inclined to humor as a basis for how i want to conduct my life or what laws i want passed. and the entire time they're all convinced they're the only real feminists and the rest of us are idiots who have never heard of systematic oppression before.

#like where is the harm reduction where is the utilitarianism... #its all like one hypothetical person could be hypothetically hurt #lets go hurt a lot of very real people over it instead #i will humor a lot of opinions i think are genuinely stupid. antivax prolife antisemitic bullshit etc etc #kinda have to living where i do #and without fail people are usually just misinformed. #with t/erf stuff though? its like they're deliberately choosing to ignore actual science #i don't know how to engage w these people #its always the most bad faith reading of whatever you say followed by a bunch of bad sources you have to individually pick apart #i think its kinda the result of them thinking their beliefs are about intellectual superiority vs moral #which is what i usually deal with #bc people concerned with moral superiority will generally listen to facts and arguments presented #ppl who wanna feel super smart will not #and theres also a false dichotomy of like #be a r/dfem or be an MRA that i dislike #like nah im just an intersectional feminist #bc im trans and jewish and any other form of feminism usually ends up hurting me or my people #even Marxist feminism even tho i generally like it has some flaws in how it tends to handle religious women