#like an equal to me. not better. no hoops to jump through. no catering to him

[mejomonster]

What's so wild to me is like. Wille technically hooking up with anyone in Hillerska would've been a scandal. Simply because like. While within the student body it would've likely been fine (the same way all the girls pretty much KNOW it was really wille in the video with Simon but publically it "wasn't wille"), if his cousin August wanted to fuck up his life he could still leak info and hurt Wille. Like... Wille could've immediately gotten with Felice, and any public leaks of a video would still have led to his mom going "We need you OUT of that school and making a press statement." Or if it had leaked to the public they had the party with drugs, which is why getting Alex not to rat them out was such a big deal.

Within Hillerska, in fact, even if he'd been with a boy... if it had been say one of the inner group that knows August, most likely everyone would've kept their mouth shut. Still it would be a risk, because being with a boy means scandal blackmail they can use over Wille if they want to hurt or threaten him to do something (cough August cough). But still, in the grand scheme, Wille could've probably been fine crushing on some person like Alex along with a non disclosure agreement.

But Simon. Simon and his sister Sara in particular are the outliers of the school. Sure, it would be a scandal in PUBLIC either way if anything Wille does at school (that isn't picture perfect) gets out. But Simon is partly such a Risk, because INTERNALLY Hillerska does not approve. They don't want someone who isn't elite to talk to them, sit with them, converse with them. Sara gets off slightly easier because Felice does make an effort to see her as equal, use her own status to back up Sara (and since Felice is queen bee there's no bully pushing back on it the way August tries to push Simon back down if Wille tries to treat Simon as equal), and Sara tries hard to blend in and not stir the pot. Simon gives zero fucks about blending in, about playing nice or tolerating bullying, he is himself pure and simple. And Hillerskas elite little teens don't want to be seen mixed up with a regular teen, and in particular the guy's don't want to look chummy with a guy with zero power (is it fragile masculinity? That they all NEED TO OWN MASSIVE PROPERTY to be respected by each other? need to have tangible POWER which is why season 2 Wille has a pretty easy time pushing August down since August doesn't have any). So for the guy's and their fucked up values in particular? It hurts their ego, to see how HARD they have to try just to get a speck of respect. And then to see Wille, the PRINCE who's automatically got more than they ever will (and who they like pushing down in the hierarchy on technicalities to feel he at least has to conform to be powerful too), to see Wille talk to Simon as an equal? Absolutely unacceptable to them. Even without the crush, just being Simon's friend is so unacceptable to them. Seeing Wille value Simon more then them is like throwing all the hoops they jump through and maintain in their face (much like Wille starts breaking things for August season 2). It was always going to be a massive hurdle for Wille to want to be close to Simon. Not even to the country or the monarchy, but also at a much smaller level. In their world in their school, its not a possibility that their peers can allow to exist. At least not when Wille starts school. (Though ill say Felice and Wille have done a bit at starting to dismantle that)

#young royals #lb #rant #i am too tired and sick rn but. i think theres decinitely merit in comparing Hillerska to society at large #and the elite and the power structures they enforce and self imprison tjemselves in. in order to keep down ALL OTHER people. #and how hillerska is a micro version of that. #and why simon is Such a threat. sara? she is ultimately going the route of: attempt to conform and eventually #be accepted for following the rules and sysyem and become New Money #and we know how that goes politically... #whereas simon is like... fuck the system. im just as smart. i have the right to equality simply by existing. #i dont have to change to deserve that. i WILL punch August for using me. even tho it breaks the hierarchy. #i will let a Prince (symbolic of the TOP of the elite hierarchy) go to soccer and treat him #like an equal to me. not better. no hoops to jump through. no catering to him #politically simon represents a Lot.... #and wille highlights the points as like yhe Elite who is aware the whole system is fucked up and stupid and shouldnt exist #he benefits but he doesnt want to be like Felice and help people climb WITHIN the system. #he doesnt want the system and inequality FULL STOP. so of course he sees simon as #the best moral option. simon represents what wille considers ideal and correct.

[subtle-carrot]

Well, it finally happened. After hoping that this would stay as an American thing, I came face to face with a personality test while applying for a job. Or, as I call it in my limitless eloquence, fucking bullshit.

Now, I already wrote a 400 word (in Finnish) reply to the request for my personality (and IQ as well) but I’m so incensed that I guess I’m going to write some more. Hold on to your anal cushions, it’s gonna get bumpy.

So, personality tests and job search. These are bad. These should not go together. Why? At least two things: repetition and bias.

Repetition

What personality tests are designed to do is not “to enable everyone discover the job most appropriate for them”. No, what they provide for their clients, ie. the companies hiring, not the people wishing to be hired, is the chance to forever repeat their past. To always and forever, only hire the same person as in the past.

It’s no great secret that companies have some pretty firmly lodged beliefs about what makes a good person for certain jobs. And how do they know these beliefs are correct? Well, it has worked in the past therefore it will work, forevermore. And because the companies that provide these personality tests are also for profit, they will gleefully reinforce these beliefs.

Considering new options is anathema to big companies which is why they will never change and also why personality test companies will sell their snake oil to them, knowing that the more they sell it, the more companies will be convinced of their effectiveness. Because what they provide is in the end, more of the same the company would have done alone, but now with the spectacle and appearance of science.

And I’m certain companies don’t mind how these tests make them feel more and more like exclusive clubs, with only the cream of the crop allowed in. Well, unless your daddy or mommy is already on the board.

Bias

The funny thing about people is that although sympathy and empathy are one of our base abilities, we are communal animals after all, we are ever so bad and good at it. Good because yes, we can do sympathy and empathy by and large, but how we place ourselves in someone else’s position or sense their feelings is coloured by our own position.

So, how ever good one’s intentions, one has bias. And when you put together a lot of people and let them mill about for a quite a long while, you get cultural bias. And that bias tells us who is the norm and what is the ideal. And because of that, what someone does in a particular situaton can depend a great deal on a person’s cultural background, something that is otherwise invisible to them.

And as written above, companies want to copy their Ideal Employee. And when you look around Western culture and its regard for neurodivergence and other cultures (even when well meaning), you have to ask yourself: would, no, could these personality tests treat them as the “norm” or better yet, the “ideal”? Because these kinds of people could bring something companies would never in their wildest dreams want: change, new points-of-view to their structures and systems. Because that would not be repetition.

And although these tests are marketted as something that “make the hiring process more equal” (something actually in the request for me to do them), a sickening claim in my humble opinion, their sole point is to be exclusionary. Because as I said, companies like to feel special, and you don’t get much more special than by being a “special people only” club. So you add more hoops to jump through. And I will again remind that the personality test companies are selling a product, catering to the wants of their clients. They want to feed into this special boys club feeling, no matter what they say to the person trying get hired. You aren’t the customer here, remember.

And what is the result from these personality tests reinforcing bias and companies’ beliefs? Well...

Systemic Unchange

Just like so many systems in our world, companies can, in the end, only repeat themselves. Their internal systems are all geared toward maintaining themselves and looking at systemic problems has never been the strength of any system of power. Especially because rather often, systems cannot be rebuilt or corrected while the systems still stands. Sometimes, these systems have to be torn down to the ground, past the foundations, for them to be made into something better.

And what personality tests of this kind provide is exactly what companies want to hear: “No, you’ve been doing it right all along. Here, let us do it even more right for you.” No change required. In fact, anti-change is required. Just cement your positions. Look, we have a graph, produced precisely to sell you this product, that says you should.

And what about the people wanting to get hired? Well, worst case scenario, we start seeing certain kinds of people, those outside the norm and ideal, becoming unhireable. Sure, you can learn which answers are right, but that only highlights how purposeless the whole system is. It’s just another hoop you need to jump through or not get hired. Because companies don’t want to give you the job you will be the most happy in. They want you to give them the employee they’ll be the most happy with.

So, basically, personality tests in hiring something something bad. Many words.

And this is without even going into how this reeks of the worst excesses of paternalistic, “we know best for everyone” modernism.

#personality test #job search #job seekers #systemic bias

[nightswithkookmin]

Hello there😊, wanna ask you a question that is roaming in my head!! and raising my anxiety. These days, we are only getting the videos and the photos that Hybe/BH wants to show us. Most of these are edited but sometimes I feel that something is wrong with Jimin(don't get me wrong). Like it's always JK who is showing much affection to Jimin but JM became kinda quite in Jikook. What do you think about it? Does Jimin want a break from their relationship or it's just because he doesn't want to show us the truth? ?

It's just my thoughts and these thoughts are giving me stress!! I love them so much🥺that's why I'm tensed.

Lolololololololololol

I agree with a lot of your observations here but do you really think JK acts like a happy bunny these days in his Fantasia side swoop strutting all over the place like a 1955 gay man because he thinks his boyfriend is about to break up with him???

Jimin is a bit introverted in my opinion and if you aren't used to seeing that side of him you might think something is off with him or that he is sad or angry or this or that every now and then.

Anything could be inducing his moods- including but not limited to his relationship with JK. Personally I don't think JK is the one leaning forward in their relationship this time around. It's Jimin.

Similar to how Jungkook is not always introverted. We could be reading that as him leaning forward in their dynamic if we not careful. As I've said a couple of times in my blogs no one is a 100% anything. We are all introverted to a degree or extroverted to a degree and sometimes with Jikook that plays out in their dynamic.

When you say lately it's always JK showing much affection to Jimin- I love it but

Don't let the PJMs catch you chilee. They finna jump you. Lmho.

JK does show love and affection to JM. That's a fact. Jikook is not a one sided relationship. So thank you for at least seeing that.

If you feel there's something off with Jimin then JK taking care of him and showing much affection to him should be the appropriate response. No? There is nothing wrong with him taking the lead and catering to JM especially since Jimin often gets berated and attacked when he does the catering to in their dynamic.

Let's normalize Jikook loving eachother.

Personally I don't think JK is the one leaning forward in their relationship. In spite of the introverted phase he is in, I think Jimin is the one piloting things this season post the October era. I mean it's pretty much obvious.

Jimin has been on his Jikook agenda for a hot minute now. Why do you think antis are mad?

Not to be that person, but I think I pretty much theorized when 'October' was happening that whoever was 'at fault' was gonna come swinging hard on their Jikook agenda when that phase was over. We are in the post October phase. Do the maths.

And I know a lot of people have been mad at Jk for acting 'cold' and and aloof, 'uncomfortable' blah blah blah but I just think he is just chill and laid back. He put the ball in Jimin's court and it's up to him to decide what they do and how they interact especially with their glass closet now and I think that's been weighing on him too. I'll talk more about this in the Minimoni post. Sigh.

For Jimin, he's gone through a phase of reevaluation and reassessment since October. He bought a second house. He's talked about cutting off friends, trying to find his voice or try new styles- something deep and melancholic, listening to emotional songs, working out, trying to build muscles etc.

There's a lot happening around him too. For one his members keep churning music in a language he is barely conversant in. That can be challenging especially for someone like him who doesn't like to do things half assed.

He is taking on new challenges- don't know how well he is or was mentally prepared for it. For someone like Tae and Jk who had already dabbled in English Albums and singles I think they are pretty much happy about the direction the band is headed in and were very much prepared to take on this challenge.

I think they are all challenging themselves as a group in this era.

I'm not sure how he feels about the others constantly talking about that they are old and can't do this and can't do that- Jimim is 25. I don't think he is that old. He loves his youth and loves to celebrate it and make the most of it. Young forever.

I can imagine the toll it might take on him to constantly hear that he is old and can't do this or that by his members and netizens.

He loves the stage. Loves to dance. I mean look at how hard he went with his dance in the PTD MV. Hopefully in 2022 things can go back to normal.

Bangtan went from we are getting old to we are fossils in 0.2 seconds it gives me whiplash.

What I'm saying is, there is a lot going on in his personal and professional life as well as his social life. All of that could be contributing to his mood lately.

As to whether he wants a break from his relationship I think he is the best person to answer that.

People who don't know what they want or who subconsciously want to end their relationships often self sabotage their relationships in their waking life. Sometimes too they are just insecure and immature and don't know how to keep the things they want and end up sabotaging themselves. I do think JM went through phases like that in the past- you know which eras I'm talking about.

But I do think he is in the drivers seat now and the ball is in his court to decide whatever he wants from their relationship and how he wants to work it.

I think Kook is equally in a place where he would be ok with whatever Jimin decides- granted he would shed a few tears and write sad songs if Jimin decides to break up with him. He and Taylor Swift about to be Bffs. Lol.

Wow, my chest hurts. Sweet baby Jesus bind Jikook together with some Gorilla glue cos I can't if they break up for good😭😭😭

If Jimin wants Jk to be doing the flowers and the trips and the birthday posts and the songs, and the coded tweets and Weverse posts, I think he would gladly do it.

I don't think Jk is afraid to speak Jimin's love language. If Jimin doesn't want him, his loss.

Please I'm hurting. I don't like that😫😫😫

Jk can be a lot. He can be intense and yes I do think that used to overwhelm Jimin sometimes especially when he was constantly lowkey high key borderline outing their relationship left right left every chance he got💀

But dude is repented😒

Like I said, I think he's been pretty much laid back and chill for a while now. Nothing intense and 'problematic.' You can tell he's been going out of his way to not fuck things up for his own sanity, the group's and especially JM's sakes. Why then would Jimin want a break from him🤺

FREE JK.

This don't look like someone who wants a break anywhere to me but I guess time will tell. You just never know with Jimin.

You let this man tattoo your initials on his ring finger scaring off potential suitors only for you to turn around and dump him that's just wickedness🙁

You have this man wrapped around your finger jumping through hoops literally for you what more do you want him to do???? He better not start his shenanigans. He is getting wedded to that man whether he likes it or not. They are doing the whole church and traditional wedding thingy I swear to God🤺

Do I have to remind him he promised to go to the Moon with JK? Sir don't trigger me this early morning.

I'm finna channel my inner tuktukker on him and drag him to the alter kicking and screaming. Jungkook deserves his happily ever after too. It's 2021. They both better leave that ghetto shit behind. I knew I should have ordered that Gorilla glue. The fuck!

GOLDY

[aaronkaye]

I had to reset my password because I kept getting it wrong, should've just texted you I'm sure you know it, I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe "she'll" re-blog or share this so you'll read it. That's where you go when we fight. Ha ha ha, that's why I'm back on this platform because of how often you go here. If I learn anything from that time in court it's ways of seeing where people go or have been on the Internet. Got I really wish I did it for everything that cost me. If I've never said it, thank you for being the only person to stand by me through all that. I wasn't what they said I was, and I'm not who you think I am. I'm still trying to discover that and put that back together. I do hear you, I deal with your hurt and my guilt which is deserved. I don't know what else you want me to do. I go so far as to allow myself to be hurt and unheard. Because I'm tired, i'm tired of feeling used, feeling taken advantage of, us not being equals, being talked down to or upset with because I'm not taking care of myself, taking care of me just gets in the way of what "we are supposed to do". Tired of being compared to other couples tired of not being excepted. My lifestyle and hack my apartment is my state of mind. It's getting better but not quick enough or you. Then again I thought you were leaving two years ago so I wasn't prepared for any of this. I may not know who I am but I know what I'm not. I don't necessarily trust you, but I trust and or expect specific reactions to happen, like clockwork we both want the other person to be different and I don't know what that means. I try to be the person you want me to be and you're still not happy. 😀🙃☺️ what would happen if I did things that felt good or more to my interests, would I lose you when we argue what I'd have to listen to constant pushing until I changed, that's normally what I do because it's not worth having an argument, and I don't mean yelling at each other I meant constant debate until I do what you want me to do or be what you want me to be. I still don't think you want me you just want the idea of me. Because me bores you, annoys you, worries you, I'm sorry that I'm not interesting enough or worth coming along with on my adventures, I spend more time catering and doing what I can to compromise and sneak me in along the way. I don't know what any of this means, I know we're both changing, I don't feel like you see me for who I am you only see me as your fears and then I have to pick you up and carry you and dust you off and console you. My fears and concerns and everything about me is put away until there's no more room. And then the lid pops open, today was not one of those situations. I honestly am always amazed how anything is related back or connected to her. "Hey would you like some toast? " "Speaking of toast…" Honestly what went through my brain was well we just had good times together, it's about that time. I honestly don't know what she wants right now but I'm going to have to spend the day and or the week Burning myself out to over console, (because it needs to be, like, it's 78° in your head, all the time. Right so blue it is, Ha ha ha orange hue) on top burning myself out to be where I'm told to be, and do what I'm told to do, and have what I am told to have, I don't know how I use you and I don't know how you don't see me. I feel, I feel like I burn myself out a lot catering to you and I just need you to see me. I will find you more answers. I honestly don't know what you want. I don't know how to keep you happy. You are correct, I hurt you. I have never denied that and I have always been the first to say that. You finally have something that you can use to dismiss all the times that I've been hurt. Now you don't have to worry about me being upset because your expectations are out of line, ...... honestly what did you want this morning? I don't know. I gave you what I had but I know it's never enough. This honestly feels like high school drama. You win, you're right. I am not denying how you feel. I'm not denying the hurt that I caused. You now have a big thing to hold over me, including your list of ways that I don't please you that I've heard and try to address since the very beginning. Even before we started dating. My list, you just wait till I wear myself out and go right back to doing things that hurt. Maybe I did it because you don't see me. I don't know. These are all "maybes". Why do you do what you do? I can't even ask that without you shutting down. We're going to end this because I didn't give you enough this morning? I didn't know what you were looking for? I wasn't willing to except my spankings? I don't know how to make up for it and I'm frustrated that I'm the only one who has to make up for things that they've done instead of moving on and trying to be a different better person. The only thing I've come up with is to be better today than I was yesterday. But I'm also talking to this person who will leave wet towels on my bed or on the floor, but damn me for doing that to her. You don't have to change or be respectful or considerate. Why do I use toilet paper instead of tissues, probably force of habit, I can't afford both so I use toilet paper at home. I will make a conscious effort to use tissues. (seriously, Can you please please please stop leaving towels on the bathroom floor, my bedroom floor and or bed? It ruins the towels and sometimes the floor. No? OK then never mind I'll just follow you around and pick up after you like I do, I'm sure you haven't noticed (that I do that) but I'd like to be respected too.) And just because I don't respect myself doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to feel respected. I would love, absolutely love to have somebody dote on me and make sure I am kept as happy as possible for as long as possible and if I don't feel happy make it their responsibility. Do you ever stop to think that maybe the reason you don't feel happy even when you get what you want is because your continuous happiness is not other people's responsibility? If they truly do something wrong sure fine be unhappy about it. But you need "happiness" like some people need an iron lung. I really did not know what you wanted for me this morning I gave you what I had. But again I'm not the one who's allowed to complain because I am the only one who has to change to provide for someone else. Yet again this happened and we had an argument all because I couldn't bottle it up inside and take my punishment. I am sorry I will devote every effort an ounce of energy and figuring out why it happened. I know that from time to time you get sad about it, just like from time to time I get sad about things and you need to talk about them just like I need to talk about them. Do you, you do understand that people also feel things the way you feel things, right? But I guess I got my answer, I am not a good person, and I guess I've never been a good person because before it even happened I was being punished for it. But you're a good person that's way that's why we can dismiss any hurt you cause. I have never felt you to feel guilty for anything you've done to me no remorse no anything. You've stolen, lied, coveted, demanded, pushed, harassed, threatened, and nothing, Not an "I'm sorry", an actual I'M SORRY, there's two parts to it, one is acknowledging what you did and the other part of I'm sorry is a promise to change and be more considerate and mindful in the future. You use I'm sorry as the thing you're supposed to say, there is no value in it because there's no promise to change. Both parts give value to the other. Maybe that's why I'm so quick to get frustrated. You interpreted as I'm not letting you speak or not being respectful of your feelings. I see it as how much harder do I have to work for somebody who won't do the same for me. And I've heard you speak, I've heard you say the same things, plural, for the past 4 plus years. I'm changing, I'm working as hard as I can, I am running around on eggshells careful not to have your happiness go below 78°, give me something specific to do then. Because me facing it, me deciding what changes in me need to be made or what I can do to prove myself is not solving it. In fact never mind, because even when I do what you say it's not excepted. I am currently dealing with the pain that I caused, the pain that I feel that led me to do something so stupid, and my own guilt. I don't know if that's worth anything to you, I don't think it is. I'm doing it alone, like I do most things. I am working hard to be who you want me to be. Ha ha ha, the reason this always gets bigger than one loan situation or sentences because it is all connected if it's not about her it's about something else. I'm tired of being threatened in order to jump through hoops, I want to be a good person too. I want to be seen and respected. I might not know what I am but I know what I'm not. And I'm not a lot of the things that I've had to become to keep you at 78°. I'm tired of being compromised and I don't know what the right answer is. I mean, even for my birthday, I'm catering to you. I just wanted to celebrate me because it was my first birthday since I decided I didn't want to be on this planet anymore. It had , Actually had meaning to me. I am here. I am here but...... I'll get to that later because I have to compromise myself. I'm gonna go put on that sweatshirt, because that sweatshirt has a lot of good memories in it. And those memories are my take away from that week. I filled it up with those memories. Not the frustration, not the lying to myself to be happy, not the crying I did when you weren't looking. It sounds dumb, it sounds like some sort of New Age bullshit. But that's why I bought it. I bought it so I could pretend that I was important. It is all connected. Pain I mean. I know that one situation is sometimes tied to another and a new situation has relatable moments to other memories that may have been good or bad. I understand all that I understand why sometimes you feel sad. I feel so sad because you have those connections. I'm trying to build new connections not so it doesn't hurt at all but so some days it hurts less. I'm trying to do that for myself and for you. The painful connections are always heavier than hundreds of good ones. That's why I have the sweatshirt. That's why I have a $50 bottle of wine, and ski ball, and the Ferris wheel, and sand toys, and a bunch of muscle shells in a napkin....

[curiouserxandxcuriouser]

The Rise and Fall of the Middle

Chapter 1: Show Your Work

“Who in the world am I? Ah, that is the great Puzzle”

Lewis Carroll

Almost all of us start the same place. The first years of school serve us as a marker for the future. We are collected, cataloged, and groomed for a life of education. Each day in early life is filled with the promise of more. There is always more to understand. The world is a vast collection of data that we will never fully grasp, but constantly manage to chip away at. Our ability to comprehend complex matters that started long before our own story are what I feel inherently make us human.

Take for example the alphabet. It is one of the very first teaching points, and yet we don't consider it's origins until much later in life. We do not teach young children that these weird symbols stem from an ancient Latin origin. Children do not question where the symbols come from. We accept from the earliest ages that these odd scribble holds value. They will provide us a key to countless door, and elevate us to a world we can't begin to fathom. The goals of each child might differ, but the end result is the same. Once you have learned this, more is waiting for you.

I can not speak for the current state of the school system, but in my experience creative approaches to solved problems were not acceptable. Math is a great example of this. I doubt I am the only person who was told to “show your work”. While in practice, this request would appear to prevent some from cheating, it can also stifle the ability to think critically. The downfall of the “show your work” system is, the answer may remain the same, but how you get there is more important. It would seem in the haste of reaching our end result, we have forgotten to cater to a growing mind. We force a narrow minded approach to a situation, that could in fact allow for a much more engaged approach.

Even now I can hear the chanting of “Don't reinvent the wheel!”. I can feel the pull of a dozen voices all saying “This is the way we do things.”. Despite this, I can not feel that a degree of value is missed. Let's take for a look at the process of learning. Why do we start with the alphabet?

The answer to this seems simple enough. It is a cornerstone. By decoding these twenty-six symbols, we have taken our first steps towards communicating in a second language. You read that correctly. While we may not think of written English and spoken English as separate languages, I would argue that they are. We are taught to sound out letters for spelling. Is this nothing more than translation? We are taught to recognize commonly used words like “cat” and “bat”. Is this not the same process for learning another language?

For a majority of children, speaking comes long before reading or writing. We learn speech by mimicking our parents and associating real world consequences with those words. It is not a huge leap to realize most of our first words were likely “no” as we explored something our parents might find dangerous. Even “dada” or “momma” are simple associations of the person in front of you continuously repeating and pointing at themselves.  So now that we have figured out how to learn, let's dig deeper in to how it functions.

Learning at it's most core level, appears to me at least, to be a series of recognizing patterns. While repetition is the most common method of achieving this, as in the momma/dadda method, I can't speak at all to it's efficiency. We are, by nature, repetitive creatures. Most of us have a favorite restaurant we frequent, or a movie we watch on repeat. I am willing to bet, you even have a series you binge watch over and over. The down fall of this behavior seems to be when our pattern is disrupted. If your restaurant closes, how you you react? If your favorite series is no longer available to view, how do you feel? This interruption to our repetition ignites an emotional response in us.

When applied to the process of teaching and learning, we do not see a change. When you are taught your alphabet, it is done over days and weeks of repetition. When you are taught the summation of two plus two, it is done on flash cards, and repeated until you can parrot it back. The fault of this thinking comes from the child who counts on their fingers, or makes marks on a paper. This child has shown that they do not just accept two scribbles to equal another scribble. They have asked “why”. They may struggle to show their work by marking a 2 + 2 on paper, because they have thought about this critically. It is more than just symbols to them, there is a reason for the answer.

This child has recognized that there is a pattern in the education before them, and set out to find an answer. They will be celebrated in their early years. They might even be moved to a gifted class, because this child has recognized the essence of learning. They have taken the first steps to understanding that in questioning the origin of something, you gain a deeper understanding in it's functions.

And yet, what happens as the child grows? At what point do we turn the corner to “Do not reinvent the wheel.”, or “This is the way it is.”? At what point in our lives do we stop accepting that the “why” of life is the key to more, and start hammering away at the all definitive “Because I said so.”.  At what point do we stop looking to grow, and improve on the topics and subjects at hand? When do we look at the answer and say that it is good enough? How do we reach a point where we stop looking at the problems of our world, and finalize on these solutions?

It is a lot to ask, and even more to answer. The state of our lives is a lulled and sleepy one. While we never stop learning, it is undeniable that we severely reduce our efforts. Whether through being told that the answer “just is” enough times, or just genuinely finding dissatisfaction with the answers at hand, almost all of us eventually slow our efforts to improve.

My youth was filled with promises of being able to accomplish anything. Even then I remember telling the teacher that they told every student that. Of course they protested. That was their job. I was told early on that I was special. I was moved to advanced classes because of my ability to think critically.  They wanted to inspire a creative thinker, but only if that creative thinker followed the bounds and parameters that suck to their pattern. These advanced classes had an excess of one thing. They insisted you show your work.

Personal Notes:

**Let's take a break here. I decided that through this book, I am going to take some chances to better explain myself to you at key points. For example: I realize how dangerously close I am coming to a “color inside the lines” argument. I wanted to take this paragraph to explain that I am in no way arguing with the processes at hand. This is not some conspiracy about being trained how to think. The entire purpose of this chapter is to establish a premise for how a wide  eyed “gifted” child can turn in to an insignificant adult. I am well aware that the examples provided in these paragraphs are open to speculation. They serve their purpose for demonstrating a mindset.**

When we review the patterns of learning, we can very easily make a connection to how showing your work will turn out. We have already seen this child start questioning why number work the way they do. It is well within reason that they will question why they need to show their work. The answer here will vary wildly, even when looking at the same child. I remember thinking that it was because teachers did not trust me. The next day I would assume it was because they wanted me to do it their way. By the end of this process, the damage was done. I had settled on not knowing the answer, and had a much more important question haunting me. “How do I show on paper that I just get it?”

It is fair to say, in retrospect, that I might have invested in my own hype. Maybe the other kids didn't get it. Maybe I was picking it up quicker. Who am I to say how smart I really am? The only person I can actively compare it to is myself, because if I have these detailed thoughts questioning everything, who is to say others don't? It's not as if they would vocalize it. I certainly didn't.

The second downfall of the show your work thinking, and the inevitable “How do I show on paper that I get it?” mindset, was  a feeling of responsibility to have an answer. This led to a very nasty lying habit. If I didn't have an answer, I would simply make one up. If I knew something, but couldn't explain how, I had to come up with a reason. Of course the lying itself would grow to spiral out of control. I felt a need to be special. I had an urge to live up to who I was being told I was.

At one point the class was being asked about their pets at home. I spun some story about a goldfish I had that could jump through hoops on command. No one believed me. So I aspired to be a better liar. I had a need to be different. I felt a drive to be better than those around me. At that time it was more important to me to learn “why” people chose to believe a story, than it was to just be honest about my boring gold fish.

This kind of learning did not follow a typical pattern of repetition, at least out loud. It simply could not. The class laughing at my unbelievable goldfish story had hurt too much. It was too embarrassing. So the process of telling lies over and over until it made sense would not have worked. It would need to be approached through the method of observation.

It's obvious to see where this mindset was headed. I spent a lot of time in trouble. Finding believable lies was so much harder than telling the truth, but it was something I would learn to do. It was a challenge, and smart people never backed down from a challenge. If I could recognize a pattern of what people would find believable, I would be able to be the smartest person in the room. I would have the most amazing stories, about the most unbelievable things, and not be... well me.

I knew who I was. I was born to a poor family. I was the child of soon to be divorced parents. I lived in a house that had burned down, and with clothes that were donated by other kids. I was the kid who was always in trouble for one thing or another. I certainly was not special, but someone believed I was. If I could convince them of that, I could convince them of anything.

The stories I would come to tell through my next years in life got better, but never lost their unbelievably. The more I managed to convince people I was something else, the less time I had to spend being me. In point of fact, isn't that exactly what it meant to be whatever you wanted? If you could dream it you could be it, no matter the social, financial, or parental standing.

That is enough of about me. Let's return to the essence of learning. This example provides us a look at how quickly value can take root. It allows us to see how, for better or worse, when there is no structured learning system it still occurs and flourishes. Most importantly, it is a look a how a pattern formed, and produced a learning experience. It is a learning method that did follow a pattern, without the need for repetition. Although it is undeniable that repetition did make it better over time.

I feel it is also important to review the end line here. The Insignificant Adult who can't rise above their station is a theme I see among many of those around me. The idea that we are handed this lot in life, and the window to fix it has closed, leaves a lot to be questioned. When did we become this mundane monstrosity? At what point in this story did we stop being the hero challenging the world? What happened to cause so many of us to take a passenger roll in our own lives?

I believe the answer to this all comes back to the time the detachment of our social needs. As we grew, we had a sloppily structured calendar. We would wake up early to get to school, but then would spend countless hours interacting with peers. Most of us in a working family would spend more time with friends than with family. We would come home to untapped hours were we got to explore personal interests and dream big.

By comparison, as an adult, the social element is more and more removed. For most of us, we wake up to the same hour, of the same day, of the same week. We go to a job with coworkers, but adversely need to spend our time focus on the task at hand. We have limited interaction with the people around us. If you work some form of customer facing job, you are likely to slip in to a trance like state in an attempt to just make it through the day. You probably have a “work self” that you need to maintain. You use this persona to hide your interests, temper your expectations, and control your emotions.

All of this leads to a sense of helplessness. You want to reach out, but are afraid of the ramifications if you do. You want to connect, but are afraid that exposing yourself will lead to rejection, or worse might cost you your lifestyle. You want to explore your creative passions, but have a nagging feeling that you should be doing something else, like socializing. In summation, you just aren't getting enough living out of life.

If you are still reading by this point, you may be asking “Well what can I do to fix it?”. There are no easy answers here. Being an adult in today's world requires these things of you. Your creation of that “work self” was a necessity born from the environment you work in. If you work in an office, you fear the repercussions of being unprofessional. You know that stress levels are high, expectations are higher, and there is no room for you and your opinions. Despite what HR tells you. If you work retail, your “work self” was created in a mimicry of the lack of humanity you are shown. You shut off yourself because you will get yelled at, chewed out, and blamed for everything. Even when it comes to following the rules. If you were able to turn off that work self when you got home, maybe there would be a level of redemption.

So you make it home. Your inner sanctum. Your closed doors where you are able to be yourself. There are a few snags here. Now you have to socialize. You haven't gotten a chance all day to see a welcoming side of humanity that wasn't paid for. So you reach out to friends, or family, or social media in an attempt to feel some warmth from another person. The downside being that they have all had the same experience you have. So now you spend your time comparing battle scars, or worse dominate the conversation with how bad your day really was.

By the end of this encounter, that has likely drained away precious hours of your self exploration time. Has it helped you unwind? When you are done talking about your day, are you done thinking about it? Have you managed to move past the pitfalls, or do they haunt your thoughts and continue to come up? Do you dwell on conversations and interactions? I ask you, has this social encounter left you filled with hope and the power to carry out another day?

Some will say yes. This book is not being written for them. It is for those of you that have said no that I am writing this. This is for the twenty something who is wondering when they became the “adult”. This is written for the 30 something, who looks at their social media and wonders why everyone else seems to be adjusting just fine. For the person who clocks out, but can't leave work at work.

It is my hope, that through this book, I will help at least one person look at their life for what it truly is. That the one person will evaluate their situation, and realize that there is not a fantasy out there waiting, but that it is going to be okay. I am hoping that by the end of this, the macabre of normalcy will be seen for the beautiful world that we live in. That each person who reads this will realize that you are not helpless. You are still the hero of your own story. You just need to change the narrative. You have done a lot of work, so let's start by showing it.