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#i dont want it all to be ruined bc i want to try to live!!!! :(
silenthillbunni · 3 months
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🐰🩹🧸🏨
#i hate being in pain like this#bc it completely takes over my life. like im incapable of thinking of anything else#im incapable of relaxing or enjoying anything. i cant do important things. cant do anything else but sit still nd be in pain#it just renders me completely useless and makes me stop functioning properly#im just a hopeless mess made of anxiety nd sadness. idk why but i just hyperfixate on it and i cant 'let go' or relax or not think abt it#idk how other ppl do it.... i wish i wasnt like this bc it's awful. it's like the only thing that exist nd ever will exist is this pain 4evr#im dramatic i know but ​it genuinely feels like my entire life is over and i'll ever know is pain nd nothing will ever get better again#im so caught up in it i cant see anything else but my pain. i cant think of the future bc do i have one?? i dont know#im just not feeling good at all. and everything feels bleak and depressing and i dont want it :((#i cant have any fun or nice moments at all and im just tired of life#i feel so fkn stressed abt all the things i need to do nd all my responsibilities and idk how i'll do them when im in this pain#i just hope it can calm down soon i just want it to be a little bit easier just a little bit#getting thru each day now is so fkn hard i barely sleep but when i do i wish i never wake up#i hate everything and it feels like my future is fucked#which makes me wanna die!! but it also makes me sad bc there is actually sm i want to live for#i dont want it all to be ruined bc i want to try to live!!!! :(#and yess im know im being dramatic but i cant help it. im weak nd im terrible at dealing w pain nd issues#im not a strong person who can withstand everything nd finds ways to live either way. maybe it's bc my will to live isnt that strong#idk. i just hate this i want it to be over. it's taking over my life nd idk how to still function like this
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satellitefeed · 1 year
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honestly dont get me started on how ppl have completely misinterpreted and misrepresented disco elysium its such a complex and beautiful game and theres so much to unpack and then u go in the tag and its just kim and harry being gay likeeee ok the subtext between them is just Barely there and. this is so serious to me bc by focusing on the subtext of their relationship u completely miss the broader, more significant narrative threads.... the entire sense of the game is that this is just 2 guys in the mechanism of something so much larger than themselves that they barely understand and the complexity of the world and other people in said world is just as if not more important than whatever harry is doing. its a unique game bc it approaches the world with such care and depth like i havent replayed the game in a year but i can still talk abt how memorable and important annette or billie mejean are... not bc they have significance to the plot but just bc they exist THATS part of why didco elysium is brilliant... not bc harry and kim r the central most important characters and everything is about them. theres also the matter of the world's politics but i wont get into that bc this is long enough as is ill just say that its messaging is deeply resonant and well written
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liquidstar · 2 years
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i forgot i had statcounter and can straight up get ppls ips when they send anon hate lmaoo
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jamesbukkakebarnes · 1 year
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🙃
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gommyworm · 2 years
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:^/
#i look so fucking hot today#and i have nobody to appreciate it#my best friend lives 8 hrs away and constantly leaves me on read#which i understand we both tend to drop off the face of the earth when we arent around each other#my only other friend is a guy like 3 yrs younger than me who i have more of a like ? casual friendship w where we like#complain about the government and check in on each other n stuf#and like hes a very good boy but i cant like Talk to him about my life or show him my very attractive fit bc thatd be weird asf#and the only other person i talk to is my ex lmfaooo and that has its whole set of issues#i really desperately need friends or like a bf or something like i cant sit with myself like this every day or im gonna kms#i should hit up my therapist lmaoo i ghosted her a while ago and gooooood would i love someone to talk to rn lmao#like someone who already knows backstory and like the shit involved in my stupid shitty life#man i made my makeup look so nice so i coukd stop crying all day and now i fucking ruined it lmfao#idk why im so stressed these days i just want to be dead#i genuinely think i need like professional help lol like this is way worse than normal#maybe seasonal depression on top of the regular shit ? idk whats even happening anymore#i think im gonna really try and read a book so today so i can not exist for a bit#man and i got all fancy n shit 😔😔😔😔 this sucks ass#maybe i should get some sort of diary app or soemthing so i dont have to do this on tumbkr lmfao#prpbably less embarassing that way#whatever not like ppl reading this really care plus its interesting to see ppls thots i think#i hope u enjoyed the show :^)#gommywords
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lilgynt · 2 years
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just had the worst conversation while high and imma be honest i’m gonna get twice as high bc i’m not dealing with that.
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victim9d · 8 months
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hm.
#negative cw#our other best friend came over and my roommate mentioned that hes here but never anything past that#and i just went to the bathroom and heard them all playing the board game we were all gonna play and. no one told me#like i would've probably said no bc the kids are here and I'd be uncomfortable but. it hurts?#its a game ive never played before (cluedo) that i bought specifically bc i thought it would be fun to play with my best friends but#god i hate this my stupid brain is so self sabotaging and now im just 'well okay so im never ever gonna play cluedo then this has ruined it'#i hate this i hate everything ab this but my brain gets so all or nothing in situations like this#and i will frequently go for Nothing bc i feel like this is a. it feels once again like i am being excluded from the only friends i have#and its. if it was any other day I'd say maybe they dont wanna keep me up bc of work but i dont work tomorrow#me not working tomorrow is WHY we were gonna play board games tonight literally the entire reason#bc i could stay up later and it'd be fine#but also its fucking 7pm its not that late and they've been going for a couple hours already#and i just. it hurts that they didnt even ask if i wanted to play when ive spent days excited for this#i have talked excitedly ab playing cluedo and now i never ever want to see that game ever again i hate it#i wish i had. i wish i had friends outside of just my 2 roommates and our best friend#like i don't even mean i want people im as close to as them i literally just. i dont know anyone else#no one else would ever want to spend time with me#and i am constantly watching them all make new friends and bring new people into their lives and i just. dont#and its not for lack of trying!!!!! i am always trying So Hard to meet people and make friends but just. it.#i have known for Years like at least a decade that i am fundamentally difficult for people to like especially in person so ive clung to#the trio ive had but i just. i feel like. they are moving on#and its felt that way for a long time for a lot of reasons and its just. i do not understand what im doing wrong#or why people never like me#i wish so badly i could've just been happy with the body i was born in i feel like if i had just settled w being a girl people might like me#i don't know this is stupid and depressing and will be deleted i just#hearing them playing and having fun and the fact that they never even thought to involve me just Hurts
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httpiastri · 4 months
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control freak – ln4
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lando hates a lot of things. not being in control is definitely one of them.
genre: smut
pairing: female reader x lando norris
warnings: smut 🤭 i dont remember what it's called? but lando gets tied up. he likes to be in control, so i guess dom!lando is kinda insinuated. it's a bit dirtyyy but there are also some soft elements bcs who would i be to not include those :)
requested?: yes! thank you for requesting 🤍 (requests are still open!)
author's note: this was supposed to be just a blurb but something happened lol. also, very much inspired by this ask and the just him talking about how he needs to be in control in that video. this thought has been living in my mind rent-free since that moment. hope u all enjoyyyy<3<3 (if this doesn’t work this time. idk what to do. anyways.)
f1 masterlist
18+ content below, minors dni!
"there we go..." you say, leaning back slightly and letting go of lando's wrist. "you alright?"
"my hands, yes. my ego, however..."
earlier this year, you and lando had agreed to buy one of those adult christmas calendars, one with a new toy or tool for the bedroom every day. so far, you'd gotten a blindfold, a massaging oil, and even a smaller vibrator. and today's present? a pair of sleek, white silk ribbons.
lando had immediately pulled the little strings out of the box, measuring them around your wrists. but you had shook your head, snatching them out of his hands and telling him it was his turn.
he had just cocked an eyebrow at you, assuming you were kidding. but the grin you had worn, one that told him that you were fully serious, had made him chuckle, rolling his eyes. no way, he'd told you, giving you a pat on the head before he leaned down against his pillow again. he had assumed this would be a lost cause for you, because there was no way he was letting you expose him to one of the things he hates.
lando hates a lot of things. number one: he hates not being in control, and he hates it so much.
the fact that he needs to be in control is very well-known in your relationship, and it applies to most situations. he needs to be the one driving, even if you're just going on a short trip to the supermarket; he needs to know who's invited to a dinner party so he can plan ahead; and of course, he feels a need for power in the bedroom.
but you are nothing if not persistent. lando is the very definition of stubborn, sure, but you would not give up on this one.
your boyfriend always thought you must be some kind of witch, because your effect on him is paranormal. the way you bat your eyes at him, your soft touch on his cheek, and your sweet kisses lingering on his lips – they could get him to agree to almost anything. even this, apparently.
since today was a friday, you had gone out for dinner and some drinks tonight before hurrying back home to try out your new present. lando was still a bit hesitant, but your lips pressed against his and your hips brushing his crotch as you sat on his lap on your bed made him give up yet again.
and that's how you find yourselves here, him already stripped out of everything except his boxers, with the sleek white ropes connecting him to the headboard. you twirl the fabric by his right wrist around your finger one final time, smiling at the little bows you've made. "you look so pretty right now," you hum, leaning down a little and tracing a finger along his jaw. "kinda wanna take a picture."
"do it."
you shake your head, not wanting to bring out your phone and possibly ruin the moment. you smile at the firmness in his voice, pressing a quick peck to his lips. "next time."
lando's chest vibrates with his chuckle. "oh, you think there will be a next time?"
"i know there will, because i'm in charge here."
the retort he was planning gets caught in his throat as your lips meet the side of his neck. he sighs at the feeling of your kisses traveling down to his chest, tongue coming out to lick the skin occasionally. he instinctively tries to grab your hips with his hands, momentarily forgetting about his restraints and letting out an annoyed groan when he's held back. you giggle against him when you hear the ropes snap against the headboard.
"already?" you ask, hands dragging up and down his beautifully tanned skin as your kisses trail even further, meeting the skin of his hipbones, giving both sides equal attention.
you can see how he clenches his fists from the corner of your eyes, knuckles already turning a little white. "i hate this. i really hate this," he mumbles.
"but you like me, don't you?" you counter, sitting back on your heels between his legs and letting your hands find the waistband of his boxers. "let me have my fun."
"great to know one of us is having fun, i guess." you take your time pulling down his underwear, enjoying every second of watching his impatience. when he's finally fully naked, his cock springs up to his stomach, a little precum leaking from him already.
"lando," you start, your thumb rubbing around the tip before spreading the precum along him. "don't you trust me?" you lower yourself down to press a kiss to his tip. "do you really think i won't make sure you enjoy this, too?"
his answer comes in the form of a shaky exhale, his eyes fluttering shut when he feels your tongue lick up a stripe along the side of his dick.
"i thought so."
your lips wrap around him, pushing yourself down his length before moving back up again. you're excruciatingly slow, wet lips sliding along his skin and only taking a little of him as your tongue swirls around him just once.
number two: lando hates being teased.
it's something he avoids at all costs, which you learned early in your relationship. he'll give you a stern look and push your hand away when you reach for his thigh during a company dinner; he'll grab your hips to hold you still when you intentionally grind onto him as you sit in his lap; and when you text him revealing pictures when he's away doing something important, he'll turn off his phone rather than let it get to him. it all comes back to his hatred of not being in control – he wants to be the one to tease you, not the other way around. so when you get a chance to tease him and he can't do anything about it, you take it.
speeding up your actions is not something you even consider, and now that lando's hands aren't in your hair to usher you, you take your time. you do, however, push him further into you, letting him hit the back of your throat before pulling entirely off him. when you sink down on him again, he buckles his hips: his way of trying to retake control. your hands find his sides, holding him down as you slide off him, leaning back to look at him as a grin spreads across your lips. "impatient, are we?"
his eyes are scrunched up, head thrown back to show off his thick neck. his muscular chest is heaving for air, already, and his hands are still hanging sloppily from the ropes. you love to see him like this. so weak, so helpless. it's not often that you get to take in this sight, so you savor every second of it.
when he feels the bed rock, lando's eyes shoot open. he watches you climb up from the bed, standing right next to it as you slowly let the sleeves of your dress fall down your shoulders. he does not enjoy the moment as much as he wishes he would, because all he can think of is how much he wishes he was the one sliding the dress down your body; how much he wishes he was the one unclasping your bra; how much he wishes it was his hands dragging your soaked panties to the floor.
you move to straddle his lap, your hips hovering over his as you let his tip nudge your entrance. when you finally descend on him, he bottoms you out so perfectly. you press your hands to his chest, leaning your weight on him as you feel yourself getting stretched out.
if lando thought you were done with the teasing, he was very wrong. you rise from him painfully slowly, before going down just as slowly. when your hips meet his again, you stop for yet another moment, rolling down on him.
number three: lando hates not being able to control the pace.
he's used to driving cars at 300 km/h, for god's sake, so this slow motion-pace you're going at is not ideal for him. he doesn't always need to thrust in and out of you like you only have a minute left to live but regulating the pace is, according to him, one of the perks of being the boyfriend. but not today.
you find a rhythm, bouncing on him like you are in no hurry whatsoever. your lover's moans are muffled and he's seemingly doing his best to not let anything slip out. he doesn't want you to know how much he likes this, despite not being in control.
"don't hold back, baby," you say, thumbs stroking his skin encouragingly. "you're allowed to feel good even when i'm in charge."
and when he finally lets go, the sounds he makes are like music to your ears. his hearty groans send a shiver down your spine and you can't help but pick up the pace a little, needing to hear more. you want to pull every sound and twitch out of him, and if that means going faster, it's a change you're willing to make.
you feel the shudder passing through his body when you clench around him. you know he's close when his heels dig into the mattress and he thrusts into you, trying to make up for lost time. you're almost there, too, and the way you feel all of him pump into you turns your brain into mush.
your nails dig into his chest when you reach your climax, likely leaving indents in his skin. you continue riding him, helping him chase his high, your pulsating insides helping draw it out instantly. when you feel the spurts shooting into you, you collapse against him. he's twitching inside of you, his chest jumping with his breaths, and your fingers reach to brush along the side of his neck to help him come down from his high.
"okay, i'll admit," he starts, taking deep breaths between every word. "that was so fucking hot."
a giggle escapes past your lips, and you prop your chin up on his chest to look up at his face. "i knew it would be." you brush back his curls, freeing his glossy forehead. "thank you for trusting me."
his face is adorned by a soft smile, and it replicates on yours. "are you okay?" he asks, always so caring, and he lets out a breath when you nod.
number four, the most important one: lando hates being unable to hold you.
he hates not being in control of your well-being; he hates not being able to ensure you're okay. he hates not cupping your face in his palms, stroking your cheeks, pulling his fingers through your locks. so, it would be an understatement to say that he was ecstatic when you pulled yourself off him, sat down on his side and started working on undoing the ropes.
his skin shows off a burning red color, and it hasn't occurred to you yet how much he actually must've been itching to touch you. usually, when he ties you up, your skin gets a bit irritated too, sure. but it's not often this bad. "let me get you a lotion for your wrists," you say.
you're practically off the bed already when lando grabs your hand, dragging you onto him again. "later." he pulls your back to his chest and nuzzles his face into your hair, pressing a peck to your scalp. "just wanna hold you right now."
you shake your head at his antics, but take both of his hands into yours. you hold them up to your lips, giving him a few kisses around both of his wrists. "maybe that's better?"
"perfect." his voice is low, arms snaking around your waist to tug you closer. "i think they're completely fine now."
"let me at least get you something in the morning?"
"mmm. shush and sleep now."
and there it was, an order – back in control already. just like he should be.
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ookinky · 1 year
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the award for most supportive mother ever goes to my mom who had finally decided after nine years that it may be good to finally tell her mother that im trans and she has to accept it
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faerociousbeast · 2 years
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stop faking autism and adhd. youre none of those
thank you anon i am normal now!
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braxlrose · 10 months
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Hello! I really like your writing and I was wondering if I could request a bill x reader? It's where reader had a very rough childhood, with parents and stuff so they dont have a really good picture of love and gets confused about little nice things Bill does for them, like comforting and just being a good boyfriend, and can sometimes be like emotionally unavailable? But they really try with Bill and, yeah! Lmao, you don't have to do this and feel free to ignore!
omggg you're literally one of my favorite writers and I love this request because I really like writing angst bc there's so much emotion so ty <3
Also this is not proof read
cw: mentions of abuse (physical and verbal), angst, tell me if I missed anything pls!
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Growing up was hard for you. Your father was barely ever around and when he was, he was completely hammered. You tried to stay away from him when he was like that, but it was hard considering you lived in the same house and he was always getting fired from jobs. Whenever you angered him, he'd take off his belt and beat you until you were sobbing. Then would pass out on the couch and act like nothing was wrong when he woke up.
On the other hand, your mother just never seemed to be happy with you. Always nit-picking on everything you did, the way you looked, the way you did your hair, your style, the way you talked, you were either too skinny or too fat; you just couldn't do anything right in her eyes.
You always tried your best to make them happy, just having the smallest glimmer of hope that they'd be proud of you for something. All your hard work at school or everything you did for your community. All the diets you went on for your mother. Cleaning up after your father. There was just nothing you could do.
You didn't understand why they were like this. Why did they have a child in the first place if all you did was "ruin their lives". You didn't understand love at all. Your mother said that she only does this because she cares about you, but if she cared wouldn't she want you to be yourself? No, of course not. You're either like her, or nothing. And that was that.
***
Then you moved to Magdeburg, Germany. Your mother was sick of her old apartment and your father was banned from all the alcohol stores in your town, so you had to move. Again. This wasn't the first time. You've moved 4 times in the past year because of your parents, you haven't lived anywhere long enough to make any friends.
You had moved into a small village and your mother was making you go over to the neighbour's for dinner. Your father was passed out somewhere so it was just you and her. She put your hair in a high ponytail and added "cute little pink bows". She always pulled too hard on your hair when she did it. You weren't allowed to leave the house unless you put on the pink, frilly dress she got you. You had to be "perfect" and "lady-like" or else no one would like you.
You slipped on your shoes and got pushed out the door by your mother. She had also plastered your face in makeup. Mascara, eyeshadow, lipgloss, all of that. You were fifteen years old for God sakes, why did she care so much?!
"You better not make me look bad in front of our new neighbour's, got it? I don't need your running your mouth like always." You nodded your head as she smacked the back of it, making you flinch before knocking on the door. You heard footsteps coming quickly to the door before a blonde woman opened up. A smile crept onto her face as she saw us.
(Its changing from third person to first person now!)
"Oh come in! Come in!" She said to us with a big smile on her face, ushering us in. My mother pushed me into the house, with a smile. The woman in front of us leaned down and waved, "Hi! You must be y/n! It's so nice to meet you!" I froze. What was I supposed to say? What if she got mad at my tone? What if I said something wrong? What if- I looked up as my mother nudged me on the arm, glaring into my eyes. don't be rude. she didn't even have to say anything for me to understand.
"Nice to meet you too!" I said to her, trying to smile but it just ended looking uncomfortable and awkward. She stood back up to her normal height and turned around, waving us towards the living room.
"Boys! Come down here to meet our new neighbours!" The woman shouted up the stairs as me and my mother sat down on the couch. She swatted my arm again.
"Stand up straight. Your going to make me look like a bad mother!" She whispered to me, giving me that icy cold glare she can never seem to get rid of whenever she looks at me.
Just then, two boys came stumbling down the stairs. They were obviously twins but looked very different from eachother. I turned my body back around when I heard then coming into the living room. I straightened out my back and looked at them with wide eyes.
"Woah, a girl." The mophead whispered. Tch, mophead. That's what he looked like. His dreads were all over the place.
"This is Mrs. y/l/n and y/n. They moved here today. Why don't you boys show y/n around the house?" They both nodded and smiled at me. This is where it all began. My friendship with Tom and Bill Kaulitz. It's been about 4 months since then and we all became good friends really quickly.
***
Me and Bill were walking through the park while tom was out doing God-knows-what. It was December already, so it had gotten really cold. We walked on some trails before Bill stopped us.
"What are you doing?" I asked, as he bent down on his feet.
"Tying your boots. You're gonna trip on them." My eyes widened as he leaned down. I'm just a fucking idiot I didn't even notice my shoelaces were untied. Who the fuck doesn't know that? Why didn't I realize? Am I actually that stupid? I could hear my mother's voice pounding in my head.
"Oh no! You don't have to do that, it's fine really! I'm just stupid, it's f-" he covered my mouth as he got it.
"Relax, I'm already done and I don't mind. Wouldn't want my favorite neighbour to fall face first into snow." He laughed and kept walking. Why'd he do that? He should've just told me to do it on my own, right? I don't need anybody to do anything for me. He should've just left it alone! What the fuck is wrong with hi-
"Hey are you thirsty?" What? What was he saying? I looked over at him when he stopped. We were back in town now, I hadn't even noticed.
"Hello?" He waved his hand in front of my face.
"Uhm..what?" I asked with a blank expression on my face. What was he saying? Why was he even asking me instead of just telling me? Isn't that easier?
"I said are you thirsty? There's a place just down the road that sells the best hot chocolate, you'll love it!" He said, grabbing my hand to bring me down the road. He wanted to get me hot chocolate?
"I don't have any money, Bill." He looked back at me and laughed.
"I'm buying, dummy. Why would I offer you something and then make you buy it? I'm not that awful." He joked, keeping my hand firmly in his. What. He wants to buy me something?
"You don't need to do that bill. I don't want to be a burden-" I sputtered out, not wanting him to do something he'd regret before he interrupted me.
"Burden?! You?" He stopped walking again and pulled me closer. Our faces were only a couple inches apart now and my hands were in his. "Y/n, you're my girlfriend. If I wanna buy my girlfriend a hot chocolate I'm gonna buy my girlfriend a hot chocolate, 'kay?" I was stunned. I don't understand why he's like this. He's too nice, people are gonna take advantage of that. Nevertheless, I nodded and walked down to where they were selling hot chocolate. Bill made sure to put extra marshmallows on mine. Why was he treating me like this?
We arrived back at his house and he pulled me down onto his bed with him.
"Jesus christ! Your hands are freezing, why didn't you say something." My hands? I guess they're cold. I hadn't noticed. Maybe they had gone numb half way through and that's why. Why did Bill care, they'd warm back up with time.
"It's no big deal Bill, I'll survive.." his eyes went wide like I had two heads.
"Are you insane?! No way!" He grabbed my hands and pulled me closer to him. He rubbed his hands onto mine and wrapped mine tightly in his. "Can't have your fingers falling off. I need someone's hand to hold." I smiled at me and wrapped the blanket around me. I laid my head down on his pillow and closed my eyes. My life wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to have a perfect boyfriend who gets me hot chocolate or warms up my hands for me. I don't deserve this. You don't deserve this. She was back again. She's always there. My mother sitting in the back of my head like there's a throne waiting there for her. Why were her words stuck in me like glue. I'm sick of her constantly belittling me like I'm nothing. But I am. I am nothing. Nothing at all. Just a useless soul that needed to fill an empty body and nothing mor-
"Y/n! Wake up! Are you okay?" Huh..? What was happening? I turned my head and looked outside. It was pitch black out. Had I fallen asleep? I turned back to bill and he looked like he was on the verge of tears. He had shaken me awake from my slumber. "Are. You. Okay?" He asked again, "you were mumbling and crying in your sleep. Did you have a bad dream?" I was crying? My finger tips reached up towards my cheeks. They were wet. I guess I was crying.
"I'm fine, bill. It was nothing." I mumbled and laid back down. His mouth was slightly agape as he crawled closer to me and engulfed me into a hug. He laid kisses all over my face. Why? Why does he care?
"You're not fine, and it's okay to be not fine! Just tell me what's wrong and let me help you!" He said to me as both of his hands caressed my cheeks. Help..me? Like I'm some charity case that needs fixing? I didn't need to be fixed. Yeah maybe I'm not perfect to my mother and maybe I have some fucked up issues but I don't need to be fixed. What the fuck was his problem?! Doesn't he understand I'm perfectly fucking fine!
"I said, I'm fine!" I shouted at him, shoving bill away from me and pushing myself off the bed. I'm perfectly fine and I don't need him telling me what's wrong with me. His head hit the wall by his bed and I could hear a crack. I broke his wall. I don't care. That's his fault. He should've backed off.
I heard him calling out my name along with a couple cries in between. I pulled on my shoes and stormed out the door. I don't need him or anybody or anything! I don't need him treating me like I'm some child who can't control her emotions!
That was 2 weeks ago. I hadn't spoken or even looked at him in two weeks. What was wrong with me? I hurt the only boy who's ever loved me. He probably hates me now. I'm the worst girlfriend in the entire world. Im the stupidest person. You're the most dumb, ugly, disgusting daughter who has ever been seen on this earth.
she's back.
I'm fucked up in the head and I don't know how to fix it. I want to blame my mother and father but it's not their fault, right? They care about me. It's my fault I'm like this. I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I have no one to blame but myself...right?
I was stuck sitting down in a chair while my mother poured goopy foundation onto my skin. We had to go to some classy town thing and I had to actually "look like a girl".
"Maybe if you were naturally beautiful I wouldn't have to waste my time doing this."
"Sorry mama..it's not my fault though..." She glared down at me and smacked the back of my head.
"You're lucky you have foundation on or I would've smacked the shit out of this disgusting face." She gritted between her teeth. Her words were like an awful, greasy poison dripping from her tongue. I hadn't done anything and some how I had made her mad again.
She shoved me into a long, cream colored dress and turned on the ignition. I leaned my head against the side of the door as we drove. Why couldn't I just be the normal, beautiful daughter my mother wanted? If there was a God, he had some serious explaining to do.
"Stop slouching! You think I want a daughter with bad posture?! My god! Can't you do anything right?" The speech. I've heard it a million times since I learned how to talk. How I can't do anything right and I'm just some failure who should've been aborted fifteen years ago. How I ruined my mother's life and how she was going to be a star if it wasn't for me.
It was a long car ride but we finally got there. And the event was even worse. There were so many people and the music was way to loud. I felt like crying. My hands were shaking and I couldn't stop picking at my nails. Women kept coming up and taking to me with their children. Friends of my mothers. I could guess by their judging stares. I looked lady-like and had good posture and was smiling. Why was I being judged, what am I doing wrong again? Why can't I just be normal? A normal girl who doesn't fuck everything up. Doesn't make her parents hate her. Doesn't ruin her parents lives. Doesn't make people feel awkward. Doesn't hurt their boyfriends.
And that was my breaking point. Tears flooded down my cheeks and everybody was staring at me. I stumbled away into another room and sobbed on the floor. I couldn't breathe. My hands hurt from picking at my nails and my face hurt and my body hurt and my eyes were burning and my makeup was surely ruined.
Everything is. I always ruin everything. What the fuck is wrong with me?! The one person who truly cared about me...i..I haven't- I hiccups against the wall and bawled my eyes out. The one person who truly, actually cared about me...I haven't talked to him in two weeks. Then I caught my breath. I stood up and wobbled to the nearest window. I pulled myself out of it and stumbled outside. My whole body hurt so I probably ooked crazy. I could feel mascara was running down my cheeks as I walked through the town.
My arms were freezing cold and I still felt like everybody was watching me. Their beady and judgy eyes staring me down like I was about to go crazy. Well, I guess technically they were right. I just started sobbing in front of everybody so I probably did look insane. You looked insane! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Can't you just act like a girl for once!? That's what my mother said me to in the 3rd grade after a play we did..
I finally got back to my house and looked up to the neighbour's house. Bills house. The light was on in his bedroom. He was awake. I turned back to my door and took a deep breath. I had to say something to him. Right? I had to make him believe I wasn't some crazy person who would push everybody away. Maybe that's what I was though..
I knocked on the door but nobody answered, so I stepped into their house. It was completely dark as I stumbled up the stairs to bills room. I looked at all the happy family pictures they had. God they were so lucky. So lucky to have a perfect family. A father and mother who love them. Having a twin must be great, it's like having a bestfriend for life, right?
As I stepped up the stairs I heard the door open. Bill must've heard me coming up. When he slowly looked around the corner I saw his eyes widen at my awful state. I guess I should've cleaned myself up first, I look a mess. My dress was torn from crawling out the window and my makeup was obviously smeared. I bet my hair wasn't too pretty either.
"Holy shit, y/n?!" He came down the stairs quickly and grabbed my arms, helping me up the stairs, "what happened?! You look...awful."
He sat me down on his bed and I didn't know what to say. I just stared at him. This perfect guy who loves me. I tried to open my mouth and say something but nothing came out. I guess he could tell I wasn't sure what to say because he went to the bathroom and grabbed some wipes.
"Here.." he kneeled down and began to wipe my makeup off. Tears slipped past my waterline as he comforted me. He just sat there looking up at me with a pity smile on his face as he cleaned me up. He took of my hands in his other hand and held it. He really was perfect. He saw him grab some lotion off his desk and rub it around my face after he wiped everything off.
"Come on, why don't we get you into some comfortable clothes okay?" I nodded at him and toyed with my fingers as he picked out some clothes.
I was laying in his arms now. His fingers were combing though my hair as I laid on his chest. I wasn't sure why he was doing this. Any sane person would've just kicked me out, right? I held onto bill tighter whenever he kissed my head and my cheeks. I cuddled up closer to him and nuzzled into his neck.
"I love you, y/n.." bill whispered as I dosed off into my sleep, breathing in his comforting scent and letting tears fall on his skin because he was the only person who was able to make me feel at home.
OKAY THIS TOOK ME LIKE 2 HOURS AND IT ALMOST GOT DELETED BUT THANK GOD IT DIDNT, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS!!
the end felt kinda rushed but I hope it was still good
taglist: @hearts4kaulitz @burntb4bydoll @spelaelamela @bored0writer @fishinaband @billsleftnutt @dead-tapes @tokiiohot @bluepoptartwithsprinkles @saumspam
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fuzzymakercloudduck · 3 months
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saw a fic about bandmate Abby and singer reader but I'm really obsessed with doctor Abby and I love Taylor and that video of her singing "karma is the guy on the chiefs coming straight home to me" to Travis, so now I'm obsessed w the idea of it
Famous singer!reader X doctor Abby drabble (I guess it's called drabble idk)
Living in New York and meeting her through some mutual friends, but not really talking to each other that much
She would go out with friends but the girl is a doctor, she's working hard honey
Instantly feeling attracted to her bc common she's a muscle mommy 5'10 girlie
You guys start talking more when going out and feeling such a bonding feeling so quickly
I imagine abby being the type to go with baseball hats and leather jackets with some baggy jeans (like the butch lesbian she is) and just being HOT
You are head over heels for her very quickly
Inviting her to your concert in NY and Abby being so happy to go "I wouldn't miss it" "only If you dedicate me a song " type of anwers
Inviting her to go to dinner after the concert because you want to have her kids at this point
Stalking her in all social medias (dont think shed be much active on social media but you do it anyway)
You having a cocky, kind of unserious personality and just feeling so attracted to her serious demander even though she's a sweet pie
Calling her things like love, darling, honey and watching her blush
Going home every time you see her and writing her songs
This was inspired by TS so I'm thinking Gorgeous, Gold Rush, Mastermind, I know places, style. I'm talking about talking/ hooking up stage and you just fell hard
Also being really worried about people founding out and ruining what your guys have going on, but she assures you she's staying and is so proud of your career
Once she ask you to be her gf, IMMEDIATELY writing songs like lover, dress
Once y'all in a comfortable place in your relationship talking about her every chance you got in every fucking interview (you're obsessed)
Saying things like "my gfs a doctor so I'm always safe", bringing her up in every topic. "What's your type?" "My beautiful girlfriend " . "If you were stuck in a island, who's someone you would bring?" "My girlfriend Abby, she's stuck with me"
She's bragging about you to everyone too, don't get me wrong. "How you feel being reader muse?" Some random person would ask "awesome honestly" "what's your favourite song of your gf?" And then she saying one that was definitely written about her
She's at every concert she can go to, even in a tight agenda
You trying to be home as much as possible
When you're not working, being a little of a housewife, cleaning, making her dinner, buying her flowers
She walking in front of you when there's a lot of paparazzis
You pointing at her when singing romantic songs and she going red as a tomato
Her friends mocking her for it
She giving you flowers after the concert
Letting you be bejeweled (lol sorry)
I'm literally just writing about wtv shit I wanted to read but didn't found it nowhere
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ma3mae · 9 months
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Don't be so annoyed, love!
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Summary: He's so annoying sometimes but it's ok because you love him 😭 (HC w/ Dazai, Kunikida, Ranpo)
Genre: Crack, fluff, lowkey suggestive themes
Warnings: 🗿 we ignoring the red flags bc we can. also mentions of farting bc dazai 🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿
A/N: u cant tell me that they wouldnt do any of these things ok 💀also kunikida's got a small drabble out of nowhere but im always wildin when it comes to him 😭😭😭😭😭
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Dazai Osamu
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u cant tell me that as soon as hes rly comfortable in ur relationship that he WOULD NOT be ashamed of just farting outta nowhere honestly 💀
Like yall r just chilling on the couch, watching smth and he just lets it all out bc why should he hold himself back 🗿
Hes at home 🗿
But bro's lucky he doesnt smell but 🗿🗿🗿🗿 wheres the warning from him
u give him the side eye and hes like "What? Are you perhaps ashamed of human nature, bella?" like ok we'll leave him alone but he ruined the emotional moment of the movie yall were watching 😭😭😭
Is also the type to prob leave his socks and clothes lying around
It got better over time but he still sometimes does it bc old habits die hard i guess 🧍
once got so bad you just collected all of his clothes and put them infront of the door so he'd have no choice but to pick all of that up and do it himself 💀
would try to talk his way out of it in the beginning but also felt kinda bad after the relationship got more and more serious
So now hes a good bf/ husband and does it himself 🤩 (with the occasional sock under the couch 💀)
drinking habits would take a bit longer to be fully gone, he'd learn to regulate it over time
He's learned to warn you tho when he thinks that a rly shitty day might hit him bc work and more
sometimes you take the day off and do something together to take his mind off of it
Sometimes you're at work and a "im home" text without hearts will come and you know whats wrong
would feel more comfortable over time letting you take care of him
will definitely show you his appreciation for you the next days in one way or the other 🤩💅
talking about living together, yall would often have to sit down to talk about his spendings bc our man cant save for ANYTHING
Used to often come home with little things like "Look, this reminded me of you!" and it's a plushie of a cat or something
Started off cute and small but got dramatic like him really fast
ngl he came home with a expensive necklace u liked when the both of u went shopping but u didnt buy it bc.. she expensive...
like he was charming as always with his "Tada! Guess what I've got you?~ 😋" ".... Not the necklace...? 😧" "🤩 How did you guess that right, bella??" "😨😨"
THIS man right here wouldnt even hesitate to just right out fking steal shit for you if u want it bc thats how much Power u got over him he'd never admit that tho sksks... OK maybe in bed...
he'd def either blackmail or bribe chuuya into helping him with stealing
probably even has access to his bank account and you'd only realize that when he'd stand infront of your door, asking where that "f*cking b*stard" is
you'd legit have to mediate their convo or else the whole building you live in would be gone immediately skks 💀
Chuuya likes u so he wouldnt make yall pay for it bc he knows that dazai's nearly broke 24/7 and u dont deserve to pay for his fault 💅
it would be enough to destroy his pride to make him obey chuuya for like 2 weeks or sum cue evil cackling from said red head
queen of Gaslightining nr. 1 😭 sometimes its for the dumbest arguments tho like why its okay to smack your lips while eating 😭
"I don't know it's just really noisy and kinda annoying for me?" "But Bella, that shows just how tasty your food is or are going to deny that fact and say that I should not show my appreciation for it? What if for me personally it's a sign of a good meal?" "Yeah but doesnt need to be that for me. Also you can show your appreciation for it in other ways like just simply saying its delicious?"
"But actions speak louder than words, my love." "YEAH, well then what do you want then???"
Its just a whole shit show and would (lmao it WILL) end in him giving you just shameless bedroom eyes and well you know whats gonna be after dinner lmaooo 🤡😭
Also also i do believe that hes not the best cook at first but hes a real fast learner so it prob would only take him a week of consuming cooking videos and reading books and BOOM
"Samu, is this a 3 course meal you're cooking because that's a LOT of ingredients in the kitchen." "Sssh just sit down, wash yourself up and enjoy the evening, my love! I'll call you when I'm done 💕"
Manages to somehow still give you some snacks and drinks in between the cooking 😭 with some sneaked in kisses on your shoulder or lips 😏
If you go and hug him from behind, he'll be MELTING
Like nuzzling your face into his back while wrapping your arms around his torso, you feel the slight rumble in his chest as he chuckles at your cute action 😭
"If you want to eat something then you should take a break from being so cute, you know? Don't want the food to go bad from maybe getting a bit distracted if you stay here for a bit longer." "Ew, are you implying you'd start something infront of our food??"
"... Well, I can just have a whole meal by myself but you'd be left hungry so it's your choice 😋"
🗿 the way he doesnt need long to be turned on is alwaya amazing to u but thats just how whipped he is and bro is a whole snack himself so WHOS complaining 😋💅
food's is guaranteed to taste heavenly but if he knows youve got time, then he'd make excuses to taste your cooking like
"Samu, it's been a while since I've gotten to taste your cooking." "Aww, was it that delicious for you? Hmm but I actually prefer your cooking!"
Time for some cooking and baking lessons together, eoow 💅 with the occasional make out session because the sauce found it's way on your lips and he just had to clean it up with his 😭😋
honestly despite all of some of the difficulties, dazai would never fail in making you feel loved in his own way even tho u gotta peel back some layers 🗿
At the end of the day, his bear hugs and many kisses are smth u love to come back home to after work
also doesnt say it but would def be a house husband for u 🤩 with the occasional "whoops gotta go and do smth quick" text and he comes home at like midnight skks bc the agency needs his cute ass 😋 but dw dinner's ready and house chores have been done so enjoy ur evening after work, zurlie 💅
dont kill me for this but id give him a 7.5/10 😭
Obsessed with him and i love him but it would prob be really really exhausting to get him to FULLY trust you and its honestly understandable
Also he kinda makes me feel like i'd have to walk on eggshells around him because you often dont really know what hes thinking 😭😭
could smile at u while thinking "why u so ugly" 😭😭
also bro is so smooth, its scary like he'd prob make us forget immediately that hes trying to find out everything about us(why he sounding like a stalker 😨😨 wouldnt want him to be MY stalker 😨😨 or would I?? 🤩) MY DELULU BRAIN 👹
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Doppo Kunikida
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😨 Cleaning maniac
personification of the verse "I can COOk, i can CLEAN" (i know its "dont" instead of can but we all know hes like perfect house husband material... maybe a bit too perfect 💀💀💀👹)
If u forgot a cup on the dinner table, he'd legit take the cup, put it in ur hand and be like "why did u leave it there if u r not using it"
WILL def rant about why u shouldnt do it
Honestly huge nagging mom vibes 💀💀
At the beginning of moving in together, he'd just clean everything without a word whatsoever
Like you wanna help around the house too? NUH UH, he already finished everything up.
Vaccuming the house? Done
Swiping? Lmao be sure to not arrive at home after work around that time bc u gotta stand at the door and WAIT until the floor is dried 💀😭
Dishes have been done like at 5 in the fucking morning 💀👹
Bro thankfully doesn't wash clothes that often (gotta be careful of the water bill 😭) but there r days where he legit throws his clothes nearly everyday bc the worse the mission the more blood yk 🗿🗿
U had to legit drag his ass to the couch to talk to him bc he gonn be deep clean the house if someone doesnt stop him
"Kuni, you literally don't need to do EVERYTHING by yourself! I'm also here to help and frankly, it feels like you're my maid sometimes 😞" " Don't worry. Everything fits perfectly in my time plan and since you sometimes work overtime, it's better if I do a bit more of it."
... "🗿 You are legit saving this city from being destroyed so often and I just sit in the office, bro 🤡" "I understand your argument but I have seen the way you look tired so often so let me take a bit of your burden"
He knows how to make us go "🥺"
The argument prob went on for an hour until yall settled on making a plan on who does what on which days and if someone's gotta work overtime or sum then the other takes a bit of it over and so on
So in the end its alrighty 🎉
Groceries and so on are never a problem except it sometiems turns out like going shopping with your mom because...
"Omg Kuni, look!!" *holds up cute decoration* "We could put this on our dinner table! Isn't it cute 🥺??"
Bro just takes it from you and looks at the price. Legit gives you the 🤨 look
"That's 937,32 Yen (around 6€) 🤨🤨. For a tiny statue of a dog? We could find it somewhere way cheaper." "🥺 But it's a limited edition and it reminds me of you bc its got the same fur color 🥺. It's even got ur glasses on 🥺"
Bro will say no but the day after you spot the dog on the table 🤡
Yall lying in bed together and cuddle so give him a peck on the lips while killing him with your cute ass smile (U MURDERER 🗿🗿)
"What was that for?" "Hmmm, well I just noticed that said statue magically appeared on our table. You think it was a cute long haired fairy with glasses and a grumpy look 😋? "
He tries really hard to deadpan at you but the corner of his lips still tug upwards as he pinches your nose
"Well, sometimes its not so bad to buy a little extra, I guess."
If theres a market nearby with some really good deals then you'd either be dragged together with him or he'd come home after work with tons of bags
Always surprises you in how good he is at negotiating about the price
Sometimes you gotta stop him from arguing with some of the shop keepers because some decided to sell some items way too overpriced 🗿🗿🗿
you once found him stay up all night researching about reasonable prices for veggies... 😨
and cue to yall standing in the morning infront of said shop keeper getting absolutely destroyed in an argument by your man.. 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨
Well guess who even got some extra free stufd because kuni terrified the shit out of him 😋
"Thank you for your hard work in harvesting and selling us these delicious vegetables. My wife is quite a fan of them." Your husband said as he put the money into the shop keepers shaky hands, face red in embarassement as he squeezed out a "It's nothing." between his teeth. His face paled at the words "We'll see each other next Monday. Until then have a great week." leaving your man's mouth as he gave him a friendly smile before taking your hand and going to the next stall,only for you to sheepishly wave goodbye to the shop keeper before going with your husband.
"Well, you gave him quite the scare back there." You said as you felt him squeeze your hand a bit tighter, the bustling of the array of people only increasing by minutes. "Someone had to correct his ways. It would help his sales but only if he's willing to take that advice seriously." he simply answered as he looked at the contents of the bag, counting the ingredients left to purchase.
"Well atleast we got ourselves more than we needed so we can go home and call it a day." "Who are you?" Chuckling at your surprised face out of the corner of his eyes, he continued to make his way towards the end of the market, to finally reach your car.
"I thought over your words and I do believe it would be nice to" laze around together "for once in a while. Everything in the house has already been done, so maybe we could try out that one series you've been talking about. The reviews seem to be quite positive about it."
He just lets a breathy laugh escape his lips at your squeal while you begin to rant on why its gonna be so good watching it and
UUUUGGHHGH 😭😭😭😭 GIVE ME KUNIKIDAAAAAAAGHHHHHH 😭😭😭🤡🤡👹👹👹
honestly there are like no real red flags like his red flags are disguised green flags and yall can legit work through it easily
The only thing would be his tendency to overwork himself and it could lead to an argument but never a real fight because hes pretty easy to reason with
Like even when hes stubborn, he'll STILL listen to your words because the many good things about him that he'd always make sure to take your words seriously 🗿🗿
which sometimes makes it tempting to tease him bc we can lowkey understand why dazai easily tells him the most outrageous shit and your man just casually writes it down in his notebook 😭
"That damn idiot managed to fool me again by telling me that aliens have been among us (AMOGUS 👹) and that the goverment has been hiding it from us for decades." "I thought you already knew about that tho?"
"What" "What?"
"Wait so they're real?"
Cue to him showing him a video (that dazai sent to you a week ago just for this moment 😭)
Lmao dont tease him too much tho but dw, he cant stay mad at you at all lmao 😋💅
Honestly a 8.5/10 bc his nagging scares me 💀😭
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Edogawa Ranpo
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"Greatest Detective" more like "Queen of Gaslightining" 👹👹
Everyone knows hes way too obsessed with sweets but how the hell is his teeth actually still existing 🗿🗿
ngl i believe fukuzawa would prob sometimes just randomly ask him if he brushed his teeth bc he lowkey lowkey raised him ok 🤡
Ranpo is all nice like "yup, i did." but when u ask him, hes a whole b*tch about it
"Hah??? Why would you ask me that?? Do you really believe that I'd be so dumb to forget about brushing my teeth? If i can solve the most difficult cases then why would you assume that brushing my teeth might something that I'd forget, huuuhh??"
His gaslightining used to work at the beginning of ur relationship but sooner or later its not hard to notice his patterns 🗿
Like yas ok, he could just put up a whole ass strategy in how to not get u to notice that he didnt brush em at all but bro
Hes too lazy
And hes a sucker for attention 😩 like he might be "annoyed" if u nag at him bc of smth but he absolutely loves it bc its just one of his many ways to get ur attention without him having to actively get up and get it for himself 🤡🤡🤡🤡
Hes a huge clown but i love him 😭
Dazai tends to forget his socks or smth lying on the floor but THIS mf right here just doesnt rly care 😭
Like that was the first thing u noticed when u entered his apartment 🤡
Its not right out messy on a disgusting degree, its more like theres tons of trinkets n shit from cases or just random candy wrap hidden under the couch 💀💀💀
The epitome of "I can do it tomorrow" bc bro doesnt forget, he just IGNORES that he has to do it 😭
might take a while to actually get him to yk do smth around the house
used to prob only sleep and shower at his apartment and thats it💀
But when hes whipped then hes whipped and hed actually try his best to help around the house
Key word "try" 🤡
Like its often tbh accompanied by "okay, ill do it but only if i get smth"
A MANCHILD, I SAY 👹👹👹👹
But there are days when he legit deep cleans everything by himself bc either you had a bad day or yall had a fight 👹👹
still would whip out the "now gimme something, please 😋" if yall cuddle after a fight and he cleaned and tidied everything up for his love 🤩
doesnt always have to be candy yk HEUEHEUEHEUUE 👹👹👹👹👹
also its not a surprise but dont let him near the kitchen
HE COULD
HE RLY COULD COOK SO WELL
Like he had only cooked for ONE time and it was like a fever dream
Bc u legit had a fever and he cooked chicken soup but uhm 🗿
he cooked it so good??? Like veggies n meat cut and cooked up nicely?
Broth kicking in real hard?
Like? "What the hell? I thought you couldn't cook??"
Bro is about to put that spoon fr away 💀
"I'm not so heartless to let you starve and I definitely wont be giving you some cheap soup either. I just looked it up on the internet and followed the instructions so you gotta get well soon because I miss your cooking 🤩🤩"
Are we flattered?? Gurl, maybe but he'd def know if we tried to make ourselves be sick to taste his cooking again
Bro only offers to help when it comes to baking 😪😮‍💨😮‍💨
His only help is licking the dough or chocolate outta the bowl or smth 😀
would sneak in many kisses tho bc he likes u and sweet stuff is just sugar overload for him and he loves it 🤩
I think one of the important factors for him in a relationship is that fukuzawa approves of you? Since he does value his opinion over his own intellect
Like bro trusted him when it came to Fukichi and other ppl 💀
fukuzawa could legit go "aliens r evil" and ranpo would be like "ok everyone, aliens are evil!!!!" 🗿🗿🗿
honesrly i dont think why there would be a reason for fukuzawa not to accept you (if there is one then time to take 100 steps back and reflect on urself 💀)
He'd prob be impressed on how u even fell in love with him bc.. its ranpo💀
petty, clingy, can be manipulative ( but never with ill intentions), would legit prank ur ass bc he can, impatient and quickly bored af
But hes attentive, kind, can be patient when it comes down to it, empathetic (depends sksks) (also thank u fukuzawa for kinda ramming that into his head 🤩), affectionate in his own way (a sucker for physical touch but would NEVER right out admit it 🗿) and so much more honestly
there arent any real red flags tbh (might come as a surprise for some ppl)
Maybe maybe he'd obviously have a bit of difficulty fully opening up and i do believe there might be times where he once or twice legit deducted what ur feelings r for him bc hes used to being careful around people and especially bc in case someonw could randomly target the agency
Or is some kinda criminal in general
But honestly when hes learned to trust you then you know youve got yourself someone loyal 💅 and i mean FR loyal
personal favorite hc and honestly prob canon since we've already seen it : he'd not be ashamed to throw hands at someone when he thinks you're being insulted or harassed
And with hands i mean exposing them to 100% until they are pissing their pants and begging him to leave them alone 🤩🤩🤩
Also also, gives me off a similar vibe to dazai with the "maybe having to walk on eggshells" around them but ranpo doesnt make you feel as watched tbh as dazai which would kinda make it easier to talk to
but bro isnt as smooth as him so whOOP 💀💀
Overall iconic and a solid 8/10 🤩🤩🤩💕💕💕
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The random ratings i gave them LMAO 💀💀💀 hope u like em 🗿
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