#i really desperately need friends or like a bf or something like i cant sit with myself like this every day or im gonna kms | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

irameii · 3 years

Text

You ||: JUYEON

Warnings: none really

Summary: I love you y/n

Juyeon:"Prettys on the inside y/n"

Y/n:"I know , I know Juyeon but common. Do you see her though. Shes just so much prettier than me"*sigh*

The male just looks at me . From the way he looks, almost like hes upset is enough to get me to stop talking about our college campus beauty.

Juyeon:"You'll see eventually, look closer in the mirror. y/n and you can see it. Its all on the inside. "

Y/n: "Alright alright. Hey Juyeon, help me pick out my outfit for my date today?"

Juyeon: *Hesitates* today? Um, sure. What time ?

Y/n: once our 1 pm class is over? He said theres this garden he wants to show me so I want to look as pretty as the flowers that will be there.

Juyeon: *light chuckle*alright y/n

Y/n: thank you Juyeonieee !!!! *skips away to class *

OtherPOV

Juyeon sees as his bestfriend happily skips away. Letting out a heavy sigh. Feeling a knowing feeling he knows all too well. He loves Y/n. But she has a Boyfriend so he cant do anything about it. Your smile, your laugh, you. It was you. It was complicated.

*Later that evening*

Juyeon sat on your couch while you went to get different outfits. The sound of your rambling when you were choosing outfits to show Juyeon made him laugh to himself.

Y/n: OMG Juyeon. Look okay so how about this skirt with this top? Or should we keep it classic with this top and a pair of ripped jeans?

Juyeon: *finger on chin* mmm both look good. But what do you feel more comfortable in? You will be wearing it for a few hours, and it might get slightly colder tonight.

Y/n: true *looks at self* so the top with the jeans? With a loose upward pony tail??* turns around to look at Juyeon*

Juyeon: uh yeah... That'd be nice.

Y/n : okay !!thank you Juyeonieee . Im gonna go ahead and get ready, stay till i leave so you can help me see how it looks !!! * skips along to bedroom*

Again. He slightly chuckles as he watches you leave. You had that habit. Everytime he said or did something for you you would always call him Juyeonie and skip along almost like an innocence he loved about you. Or when you'd simply look up at him to smile, he loved it about you. The way your eyes would go big and then your eyebrows would go up and down with your mouth slightly open when you'd try to get his attention to make him lose concentration cause you'd gotten bored studying. He enjoyed your habits. Thats when he realized he loved you.

Y/n: Juyeon!!! Help me with this hairclip.

Juyeon: *opens clip and places on head* is this the one i got you?

Y/n: *turns around, looks up* yeah, its really pretty .

Juyeon: yeah..... *looks away with a slight blush*

Y/n: okay. So how do I look? *spins*

Juyeon: * smile forming* Beautiful. You look beautiful y/n...

Y/n: Thank you Juyeonieee.❤I'll see you then!!!. Thanks for helping meee. I'll tell you how it goes!!

Juyeon: okay....

Juyeon didnt want to hear it though. How your boyfriend makes your heat skip a beat. How that smile you give Juyeon was bigger when you were with your boyfriend. How he made you feel in love.... But he was your bestfriend.... And talking about it made you happy, but he felt Jealous.. The way hed get to hold your hand. Or the way youd hug him, or let him lay his head in your lap... He felt jealous.... But there wasnt anything he could do....he was just your bestfriend.

Next day

There were marks on your neck. Evident that your date with your boyfriend went well. But it didnt sit well with Juyeon the moment he saw them.

Juyeon: whats this?

He says it with a different tone than you're used to as he pulls your hair back away from your neck to see them. Things got heated between you and your boyfriend last night, you didnt think anyone would notice since you tried hiding it with makeup but it seems it didnt get passed Juyeon though.

Y/n: * slightly steps back* things got a little heated last night after the date. I tried to cover them up though.

You dont notice the look he gives you as you look away and focus back on the teacher. You heard a clicking sound from him but when you looked at him he turned back to the teacher.

Juyeon was acting off the following days.. He started talking to the college campus beauty and her friends. He would walk her to and from class. And would swing by her table before finding his was to you Which was odd since he said he didnt really like girls who wore so much makeup because it hides their natural beauty. So it was odd that he suddenly had interest in them now. Saying you were feeling a little jealous was something you didnt want to come to terms with. But you couldnt do anyrhing about it since you guys were just friends so you decided to ignore it but youd steal glances every now and then and its make your chest tight. And the way he talks to you were just short responses maybe a hey here and there but that was all.

After the next 3 weeks he would do it. Casually put his arm around her and laugh out loud when you would walk past him. And eventually you had enough of it. And decided to confront him.

Y/n: Juyeon

*silence*

Y/n: Juyeon

*silence*

Tired you pull him by his shirt collar outside to the back of the library.

Y/n: whats up with you? Why have you suddenly changed??

Juyeon: why? Whats wrong with wanting to talk to others ?

Y/n: you know thats not what I mean Juyeon. You have hardly been speaking to me and now its now to nearly nothing. Something is wrong. Please......

*Bell rings*

Y/n:*sigh* meet me at my place to talk Juyeon. I mean it.

You turn to leave , not letting him give you a response. He stood there frozen. Not knowing what to do. He knew if he went , he might mess up and confessing... He didnt know what to do. The desperate look on your face almost made him confess right there. But he bit his tongue.

Lunch time

Juyeon: hey y/n.... I cant make it. Im sorry.

Y/n: LEE JUYEON you WILL come no matter what time it is. Ill wait for you to come. I dont want us to be like this anymore. Please come.

*puppy eyes*

You wre doing it again... Making him speechless... Making him give into you... He didnt want that look on your face. He wanted you to look at him... But not with those eyes... Not ones with sadness and dissapointment in them...

Juyeon:okay...

Y/n POV

It was 10pm and he still hasnt come... Maybe I did something wrong..

My bf isnt talking to me either... I kept complaining about Juyeon not talking to me anymore and how things were different and he snapped . He didnt want to hear about him anymore and said we should take a break since he said i need to determine who i like more. Him or my bestfriend... Now Ive lost both of them....*sigh*.... *falls alseep*

You didnt hear the door click open. Juyeon had an extra key for when you were sick or needed something and hed fetch it for you. Your boyfriend was always busy except every now and then so giving him one wouldnt have much of a purpose. If you were sick he'd call and say he felt bad you were sick but since he had a weak immune system and didnt want both him and you sick he wouldnt come. But Juyeon never hesitated to. Hed hold up your hair as you would throw up and rub your back for you. He'd wipe you down to lower your body temperature. He'd try and cook porridge and end up messing up it up and calling his mom to make some that was edible instead for you. It was always Juyeon. The one who would remind you that you looked best with bed hair and baggy pjs and tshirts when hed surprise you in the mornings if you had an exam to make sure you ate a good breakfas because that was when you were most comfortable.

But to you. It was all platonic. So you knew better than to fall for him like that...

Blissful in sleep you wake to Juyeon on his knees infront of you. He didnt wake you. He just layed his head on your little table facing you.

You really didn't realize it. But you couldnt help but start to admire him. The way his eyelashes casted a shadow on his cheeks. The way his lips formed a slight pout. You felt yourself smiling. You reach to move a piece of hair out of his face but you quickly retract your hand and turn around and pretend to sleep when you feel he's waking up.

After 5 minutes pass. You hear shuffling. Then a voice in a so quiet almost in a whisper you hear him sigh then ... He starts...

Juyeon:

Y/n.... I like your eyes, and how you look away when you pretend not to care* chuckle*....I like the dimples on the corners of the smile that you wear when you see me.*looks towards the ground* The world may not know but I do. I loved you for so long y/n, sometimes it's hard to bear with it .But after all this time, I hope you can wait and see ... See that Ive loved you every minute.... every second.... I'll love you anywhere and any moment for every moment.Always and forever.... I know ....its wrong... I don't know how its come to this... I cant help that I love the little things about you, like when you're unaware...I catch you steal a glance towards me at times and smile , maybe I misunderstood it... And then sometimes when life brings me down. You're there.... you're the one, I don't know how but it feels like in a world devoid of life, you bring color to it. You are the color in a black and white painting. And in your eyes I see the light. A light i want to follow forever and protect....I love you y/n..... But you're not mine...

He goes quiet again. You slightly turn around to see Juyeon with his face in his hands. Tears running down. Trying to quietly hide his pain..

You reach your hand out to him, and pull his hand away from his face. He looks up at you in shock. But then he quickly turns away. Something about looking at his sad and teary eyes made you lost for words..

Y/n:Juyeon...

You pull him closer to you. Hug him tightly and slowly feel him wrap his arms around you.

Its quiet... As you pet his hair, you can feel his breathing become slower.. He's fallen asleep. You strech your head to see his face. Its stained with tears... His nose a light shade of pink... And his lips in a small pout....

Almost as if on cue, his eyes flutter open and look at you . And as he quietly looks at you you whisper back....

Y/n: ..... I love you too Juyeon...

Juyeon:..... Huh? Wait what?

Now he was fully awake now. And it looked like he was trying to see if he was dreaming. And with a giggle you turn his face to yours and press them together with his. As shock spreads on his face you smile at him and repeat the words

Y/n: I love you Juyeon

And almost instantly he smiles a smile bigger than you've seen and this time he is the one who grabs your face and presses a kiss to your lips. He presses his forehead against yours and chuckles to himself as he closes his eyes and smiles

Juyeon: Im glad... Im glad I came....

THE END

Gif credits to owners

I didnt really like this one but ehhhhh im slowly trying to get better guys...

*I did not proof read it so my bad

#the boyz scenario #the+boyz+reactions #the boyz juyeon #the boyz oneshots #the boyz angst #the boyz #the boyz lee juyeon #the boyz s

24 notes · View notes

daxieoclock · 3 years

Note

ok shay you dont understand i was literally scrambling through our messages on discord to find a dissidia link and now i cant pick between the kairi reunion with sora and the namixi bed sharing scene so you gotta pick for me

jdhfbghjgb Enu you absolute sweetheart thank you for the ask

they’re both kinda short scenes though sooooo por que no los dos djhfgbjh

Kairi reunion scene is in chapter 10 and the Namixi scene is in chapter 14

She'd only been there twice before, both times after Xehanort's defeat, but Kairi instantly recognized Terra, Aqua and Ventus's home: the quintuple towers and golden chains of the Land of Departure.

I don’t remember if I ever articulated what both of those times were in my head, but it’s a HC that just felt right hehe.

And there, sitting on the bottom steps leading up to the front door, was Sora.

He hopped up as soon as he saw her, that stupid grin all over his face, and then Kairi's eyes blurred over and her feet pounding against the stone courtyard.

"It's so good–" he said, and she cut him off by punching him as hard as she possibly could in the shoulder. "OW!"

Kairi’s anger, frustration and just general emotion is something I had a lot of fun exploring in DKH, and something I definitely want to do more of if I ever return to KH writing (still undecided on that). As much as I love the comedy beat of the pissed-off reunion, it’s an honest feeling I think, to be both overjoyed and infuriated by someone at the same time. And it definitely fits my interpretation of where Kairi – who has been incessantly damseled, left behind and sacrificed-for – is at this moment in her arc. Furious and bitter and just wanting to drag her dumbass bffs/bfs to safety whether they like it or not.

"It's so good–" he said, and she cut him off by punching him as hard as she possibly could in the shoulder. "OW!"

"You absolute, goddamn, stupid idiot!" Kairi shrieked. "Do you have any idea how worried I was? How worried Riku was?"

For whatever reason this makes me think of the very beginning of the story, with Riku lying awake thinking of Sora. Like...yeah. Yeah he was. And on that note, as much as I missed Sora’s presence in the story, I absolutely loved the chance to expand on Riku and Kairi’s friendship/relationship (it’s complicated; when is it ever not?) without him there. I wanted to emphasize both how much they care about each other, and how much Sora’s absence is felt nearly constantly.

"Probably," Sora said, sheepish, massaging his shoulder.

"We had to try and explain to your parents how you....you vanished into thin air, but how it's actually completely okay because you did it to save my life!"

I don’t know that I’ll ever focus too much on any of the KH characters’ biological families, but I think the Destiny trio are the closest to actually Having Any Sort Of Bond with their parents. We’ve got a vague idea of Kairi’s home life – adopted daughter of the mayor, and I’ve extrapolated her dad is kind of absent – but none of Riku’s and only the fact that Sora has a mom. But the idea of Kairi and Riku returning to the island alone, having to break the news to Sora’s parents, just stuck in my head when I was writing this.

She didn't know who embraced who first. But she was in his arms then, and he was in hers, and she squeezed him so close, so goddamn tightly.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Just hold me," she said. "Just shut up and hold me."

I think this is just a sweet moment tbh djhfgbj.

"Your hair looks longer," Kairi said, finally. They were sitting on the steps together. Her eyes had cleared, but she wasn't ready to leave this moment. "And you're missing a button on your jacket."

"Oh." Sora ran a hand through his hair in that absentminded way that he did. He laughed. "I hadn't noticed."

Liar. She knew him well enough to know when he was putting on a front, and he definitely was now. But she wasn't much better, she had refused to point out the bags under his eyes, the greyish pallor of his tan skin, the way his blue eyes seemed darker than she remembered. She couldn't speak those details, as if silence would make them go away, as if she could will away the scuff from his shoes and the dullness from the little metal crown that hung around his neck. He reminded her of how Aqua had looked after they'd rescued her, so relieved but yet so exhausted. It was the impact of that much time spent alone, that much time spent wandering, spent lost and far away from the ones you love. Kairi's grip on Sora's hand tightened.

I will never forgive Nomura’s cowardice to not show the physical, kinda traumatizing toll that years of isolation in the RoD took on Aqua. 0.8 delved into it slightly, but only in the most surface-level way. And judging by what we’ve seen from Re:Mind and MoM, the same sort of surface-level emotion is going to be applied to Sora’s ‘death’ as well. He’s almost definitely going to come out of a YEAR of complete isolation being just as chipper and bright-eyed as he’s always been, and that is something I wanted to rectify here.

I love the KH cast and I love seeing them challenged, and love watching them grow. There’s not quite enough Sora in DKH to grasp the full extent of how he’s changed after his ‘death,’ but I’d like to think we do see that he HAS changed. It’s something I touched on more directly during Riku’s reunion with Sora, but it’s present here as well.

"So, who's your friend?" He motioned with his head towards the Spirit-Namine, who sat patiently on her haunches.

"Sora, it's me," she said with a little laugh. "It's Namine."

"Oh." Sora stared at the Spirit-Namine for a moment, the gears straining in his head, and then he looked over his shoulder up the stairs, then back at her with a confused expression on his face. "Wait, weren't you sleeping inside? Why are you here and a cat? How are you here and a cat?"

But of course, even after that sort of trauma, Sora is still Sora. He’s still a goober and a softie, and I didn’t want to abandon those traits for the sake of angst.

Sora had never been very comfortable with silence, she noticed him starting to shift and adjust next to her.

ADHD Sora rights.

Kairi kept catching herself holding her breath, waiting for him to vanish or the floor to give way or her alarm to wake her up. Waiting for something to drag him away again.

He looked over his shoulder at her and smiled. "I'm not going anywhere, you know," he said.

Kairi spluttered. "What...who...shut up!" She stared at the ground, cheeks flushed, unable to acknowledge out loud that he'd read her so well.

I haven’t decided if Sora’s surprising emotional perceptiveness is a new aspect of his character or something he’s always had that hasn’t been highlighted well, but it’s definitely an interpretation of him I enjoy. Like, yeah, he’s impulsive and inattentive and kind of rude on occasion, but he’s also showed some moments of being able to read people with shocking accuracy. I think that’s a skill some Keyblade wielders have, a sort of magical hyper-empathy, and Sora definitely has it in spades without even trying.

And briefly before we go into Namixi (and speaking OF Namixi)

Xion glanced at Sora and Kairi from the middle chair and threw up a peace sign. "Hey, what's up?" Her outfit had also changed a lot since Kairi saw her last, she had on a pair of loose black cargo shorts and a pullover hoodie, her black hair swept to one side and tucked behind her right ear. Honestly, she looked a lot happier, a lot freer.

Butch Xion is absolutely the hill I will die on this gal is 100% loves girls and presenting in nonconforming ways.

Namine, laying against Xion, her eyes closed and her expression peaceful.

Xion looked down at Namine as she noticed Kairi's stare. "Oh, yeah, I'm uh...keeping her safe? Cause she can't move when doing her spell, and uh, probably more comfortable than laying on this ground or something right?" She forced a laugh. "Yeah."

Namine, who absolutely has ulterior motives: “I’m going to be unconscious while using this spell and I’d rather not wake up sore, so maybe you could hold me while I’m using it? I’d make me feel safer too.”

Xion, who is gay as shit and forgot about the fact this castle has beds in it: “Yes absolutely I will totally hold you for as long as you need Namine wow yes that sounds great I’m on board heck yeah.”

*************

And with that introduction let’s hop right into the dedicated Namixi scene shall we.

Namine heard her door open, then close. She didn't move, just kept staring straight ahead, lying on her side in the bed, her heart beating staccato on the inside of her chest. A quiet bump of collision in the dark.

"Ow!" Xion muttered. "Stupid bed."

No good confession scene is complete with at least a couple comedy beats.

Her eyes probably had to adjust to the dark still, which Namine was thankful for, considering the fact she was probably blushing up a storm at the moment. "Are you okay?" She sounded so concerned, oh light.

Gentlebutch Xion strikes again. I refuse to see her as anything but very polite towards pretty gals (and Namine is very pretty gal in her humble opinion).

"I'm fine," Namine said, quickly. "I just...." She reached out to take Xion's hand, but hesitated, and just let her own fall back onto the mattress. "Wanted to see you, I guess."

"Oh," Xion said. Relief. Namine started when she felt Xion's fingers brushing against her hand. "Shit, sorry, sorry."

"No, no." Namine laughed, and took Xion's hand. "Thank you. This is really nice."

The eternal sapphic dance of being terrified of overstepping and desperate to express your affection at the same time. Also I have said it before and I will say it again: The Gay Gals Love Hands. Idk what it is but sapphic attraction is like 75% hand-holding it’s ridiculous.

Xion opened her eyes again, those gorgeous purple eyes.

Changing characters’ eye color is sort of a running theme in my fics I suppose, though it doesn’t ALWAYS come up. Xion’s purple eyes is something I saw once and got stuck in my brain forever. I have no idea who came up with it or why it’s something that apparently a decent chunk of Xion fans hc for her, but it sure is what we’ve decided on haha.

Three words. That's it. So easy, just three words. Just say it. Say it. "When you found out Sora was here, and decided to go after him." Coward.

Namine, like most of the female cast of KH, has basically no outwards emotion and very little development. For whatever reason, I’ve fixated on an interpretation of her as someone who expresses her emotions in unconventional ways, spends a lot of time overthinking things, protects herself by exaggerating her personality around others while also being terrified of hurting people the way she was forced to hurt Sora. It’s sort of funny to see a very similar personality come up around my interpretations of Haru Okumura in Deja Vu, but Namine definitely expresses her post-trauma identity a lot softer, less formal but still so very careful.

Anyway that’s a lot of words to say that she self-loathes and picks her words incredibly carefully and that contrasts really interestingly with the more impulsive, emotion-driven Xion. They’re a good fit for each other C:

"You can get under the covers too, if you like."

"Oh, I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."

Please stop being a gentlewoman and take the hint. "I want you to," Namine said. Was that too firm? Too bossy?

"Oh!" Xion smiled, and threw the comforter over herself in an instant. Guess it was fine.

More of that aforementioned dynamic.

"This is very good. I'm happy."

"I'm glad," Xion said. "I...like making you happy."

Namine had to inhale deeply at that. It wasn't easy to confess when the girl kept taking her breath away.

I really like the idea in general that it takes so long for Namine to tell Xion how she feels because Xion just keeps doing really sweet things or being kind of romantic but not really making the space for that confession, and Namine just gets flustered and puts it off.

Three words. Just three. Just say them. Namine took a deep breath. "I, uh. I..." She felt a sob welling up in her throat. Light, why was this so difficult, why couldn't she just tell Xion–

Her lips were on hers. Namine couldn't breathe, could barely think for the screaming of her heart in her ears. Xion broke the kiss, looking so very embarrassed. "Sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean–"

Namine reached up and pressed a finger to Xion's lips, cutting her off before she could apologize any more. "Um," she said, "kiss me again?"

And Xion nodded, and Namine let her finger fall, let Xion lean in and kiss her again. And she squeezed her hand so tightly and kissed her back.

So not really a confession but Xion DID get the hint. Once more: Xion’s impulsiveness makes things both very difficult and much easier for Namine. And I think I like the fact that she ends up deciding to just go along with that impulsiveness, just let go of her plan and kiss the gal she’s been pining for, and stop beating herself up about the words she can’t say yet. It’s sweet hehe.

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jungmoseok · 6 years

Note

Can u write a fic where yoongi goes to tie his shoes but he cant bc his belly has gotten so big that it gets in the way and so his bf namjoon has to help and teases him? I’m so happy u started this blow btw 💞

Chubby Yoongi is my weakness ahhh. Also, cute bf Namjoon helping+teasing: omg. I had fun writing this, I hope it’s not too long. And, I’m not familiar with writing very big characters or verbal teasing, so I’m sorry if this came out weird. I hope you enjoy the fic, anon, and that it’s semi-decent. :p Aww, thank you so much!! I hope you like what I post in the future.

-----

Namjoon wrapped his arms around Yoongi’s warm, vast frame. Namjoon squished into the older man’s plush body and nuzzled him. He played with the soft rolls of fat that cascaded on his belly and sides. Yoongi had gotten quite big since he started dating Namjoon. Yoongi was never very toned: with a slight, little belly and round cheeks. But now, he was massive. Before actively encouraging and helping Yoongi gain so much weight, Namjoon made sure Yoongi was okay with it. Yoongi was even more enthusiastic about the whole thing than Namjoon. With both of them in love with the idea of constantly stuffing Yoongi and making him fatter, Yoongi put on weight very quickly. They hadn’t weighed him a while, but as Namjoon ran his hands along the soft, pillowy flesh of Yoongi’s underbelly— testing how heavy it was in his hands— he guessed he must of been over 90kg. With Yoongi being a bit short and incredibly lazy, the pounds and pounds of soft, jiggly fat definitely took a toll on Yoongi’s mobility. It wasn’t anything drastic, though, and Yoongi said he was fine with it. In fact, it excited the older man even more. Yoongi didn’t tell Namjoon that, though, for the “sake of his pride”. And, “for the sake of his pride”, Yoongi insisted on getting out of bed himself and dressing himself. Namjoon told him he’d be more than glad to help, but Yoongi refused because he didn’t want rely on Namjoon for tasks like that, yet. Namjoon giggled at Yoongi’s addition of “yet”, but nodded, understandingly. He gave Yoongi’s soft belly one more squeeze before he kissed Yoongi’s lips and went off to get ready, himself. When Namjoon left their bedroom, Yoongi let out a whine. He hated going out. He rather be doing better things like napping, eating, or making out with Namjoon. Namjoon wanted to introduce Yoongi to a couple of his closer friends, Jimin and Hoseok. Yoongi complained about having to get up early and that he was awkward around new people. Yoongi’s whining was more to get affection from Namjoon than actual refusal. Youngi agreed, since he would do anything to make Namjoon happy. With that, Yoongi pushed himself to the edge of the bed with a grunt. He was a little surprised at just how difficult it was. After a few failed tries at hoisting himself from the bed, Yoongi finally got up on his feet; a bit breathless. He felt his member harden under his belly that reached down his thighs. He brushed it off and went to put on a sweatshirt. Namjoon didn’t care, but Yoongi wished he’d have nicer clothes to wear whenever he went out with Namjoon. Like, a button-up or something. Yoongi remembered he did, he just destroyed it on Namjoon’s birthday. Yoongi wanted to take Namjoon out to a nice restaurant, but didn’t foresee Namjoon ordering almost the entire menu and feeding everything to him in public. After Yoongi finished everything, he couldn’t even move, too heavy and full, and his belly pressing against the table. Right as Namjoon helped him out, all the buttons that were struggling to contain Yoongi’s massive gut finally popped off. Yoongi was utterly mortified, feeling stares of other people on him. Until he realized the dark lust in Namjoon’s eyes and found out this was exactly what he wanted. That night, Namjoon had both fed and rode him to the point where he was sore for two days straight. Young grew nervous thinking about it. He dreaded what Namjoon had in mind for his own birthday. Yoongi shook his head, focusing on pulling the size large, grey sweatshirt over his head. It caught at his soft, broad shoulders and flabby arms. Yoongi found it even more impossible to get the fabric to cover his overhang, yet alone his protruding belly. It proudly pressed against the fabric, the outline of his large, round belly was very obvious. Yoongi pat the dome of a belly fondly, causing it to jiggle. The size large he purchased only a few months ago seemed much too small, now. Oh well, Namjoon would get a kick out of it. Putting on a pair of jeans was even more of a struggle. Yoongi had to suck in his belly through the whole ordeal. Even then, it was extremely difficult to zip and button them with his fat belly in the way. The seams of the jeans looked like they were going to burst around his thighs and ass, not that Yoongi could see over his belly, anyway. Yoongi padded into the living room, finding himself very winded after getting his clothes on. He went to grab a pair of sneakers then plopped down on the edge of the couch with a small moan. He already knew he wouldn’t be able to get them on while standing. Yoongi’s belly turned to rolls when be bent over to put on the shoes. It was a struggle, but he managed to get both of them on. With a huff, Yoongi tried to maneuver his soft arms around the gut that filled his entire lap to tie the laces. After struggling in vain to get ahold of the shoelaces, Yoongi realized it was impossible. His belly was too big and heavy to get around. Yoongi sat back up, whimpering and breathing heavily, not only from exertion. He felt his cheeks grow hot with excitement and embarrassment. Namjoon came into the living room and asked Yoongi if he was ready to go. Seeing Yoongi red-faced and pouting, his clothes straining, made Namjoon gasp on the spot. He felt himself fall even more in love with Yoongi, looking him over lovingly. Namjoon noticed Yoongi’s untied shoes and chuckled softly. “Did you need me to tie them for you, my precious baby boy?” Namjoon joked, coming over to sit on his knees in front of Yoongi. Namjoon kissed the roll of flesh that hung over the waistband of Yoongi’s jeans, acting motherly in a high-pitched baby-voice. Yoongi rolled his eyes and flushed deeper. That’s when the younger man realized he really did need Namjoon to tie his shoes for him. Namjoon felt himself flush, now. He felt something devious pool in his stomach. He gripped Yoongi’s big underbelly in his hand and shook it. Yoongi scolded him for messing around and pouted, saying they were going to be late. Honestly, Yoongi just didn’t want Namjoon to tease him about him not being able to do simple things like this. Well, maybe he did; just a tiny bit. “What happened to you saying you wanted to do things by yourself?” Namjoon cooed, pushing up the hem of Yoongi’s sweatshirt. Yoongi only huffed in response, making Namjoon’s smirk grow even wider. “No way you’ve gotten so fat you can’t even tie your shoes, right?” Namjoon mocked surprise in a dramatic tone. Namjoon fondled Yoongi’s belly, running his hands over his massive love handles. “You’re outgrowing your biggest clothes, now, Yoon,” Namjoon said quietly as he caressed the edges of Yoongi’s vast belly. He traced the newest stretch marks on the sides of the muffin top that pooled over Yoongi’s jeans. Namjooon swallowed hard before continuing, “you’ve let yourself go so badly, you can’t even tie your own shoes.” Yoongi didn’t say anything, half-ashamed and half-thrilled. He just whined and pouted, eager to hear what else Namjoon was going to say. “It’s all because of this.” Namjoon sent a small smack to the center of Yoongi’s belly, causing the entire mass to shake. Yoongi grunted softly, saying it was Namjoon’s fault. Namjoon giggled in response and said “I feed you sometimes, but you’re the one who eats everything. You’re the one who stuffs yourself until you can’t even move. Even then, you’re still begging for more. It’s not my fault you’re a pig with zero self-control.” Namjoon’s sweet, warm voice contrasted with his sharp words. Yoongi loved it, though. Namjoon was always a sweet and caring boyfriend, but Yoongi did have to admit, he enjoyed this. Yoongi felt his hard-on poke against his belly and he instinctively squirmed. Namjoon noticed then kept talking. “I should just let you meet them with your untied sneakers. They’ll be amazed just at how huge and soft you are. They’ll just assume you don’t notice, since you haven’t been able to see your feet for months.” Yoongi squirmed, again. He bit his lip and looked into Namjoon’s eyes, pleading. Namjoon’s softened, worried he’d gone too far. He was about to apologize until Yoongi shook his head. He was panting slightly and kept glancing down at his belly. Namjoon suddenly realized what he’d done to Yoongi and sighed, relieved he didn’t hurt him, but made him hard. His smirk returned. Namjoon gripped Yoongi’s underbelly with both hands and raised it, seeing his boner press against his jeans. Namjoon groaned, pleased. He let Yoongi’s belly smack back down onto his lap as he let it go. It wobbled for a few seconds before settling on his lap. Yoongi groaned at the sensation then shot a glare at Namjoon, still flushed. Namjon understood how desperate Yoongi felt and wanted to take care of him, right away. Namjoon was feeling very horny, as well. Namjoon said he would cancel with Jimin and Hoseok, but Yoongi said he still wanted to go. Namjoon laughed softly. “Getting off on other people’s reaction to your weight, now?” He was half-joking, half-serious. Yoongi suddenly looked offended. “No,” he said pointedly, lying through his teeth. Namjoon smiled softly and gestured for Yoongi to hand him his foot. Yoongi obeyed, moving each foot in front of Namjoon so he could tie the shoelaces. When Namjoon finished, he stood back up and pulled down Yoongi’s sweatshirt down from the crest of his big belly. It still failed to cover its entirety and Namjoon didn’t hide how much that turned him on. Yoongi gave a pouted “thank you” and was about to sit up before Namjoon put a hand on his belly, pushing him back down. “You know,” Namjoon went to whisper in his ear, his voice low, “I love you, Yoon. I’ll always take care of you and will support you, no matter what.” Yoongi was taken aback by Namjoon’s heartfelt little speech and blushed lightly. Namjoon was so sweet. Namjoon’s warm breath tickled Yoongi’s hair as he laughed into his ear for a moment. “Even when your belly gets so big, you can’t even put on your shoes.” So much for being sweet. Yoongi whipped his head around and scoffed, mock-offended. Namjoon pinched Yoongi’s round, chubby cheek and kissed him deeply. Namjoon held Yoongi’s hands tight as he tried to pull him up from the couch. Namjoon noted out-loud how heavy Yoongi was and how difficult it was to pull him up. Yoongi scoffed, again: “you love it”. Namjoon nodded with a bright grin. Namjoon still held Yoongi’s hand as he guided him out the front door, and Yoongi mumbled a quiet “I love you, too."

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99soft · 6 years

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otp questions: MY answers for markren / 3 wc: ~ 2k

a/n: you might think i’m stupid for doing this but it helps me get back at writer’s block (revenge)! there are two more going to be posted and the last one is going to be terribly long. (so i guess this is sort of for me).

1: Who spends almost all their money on the other?

hands down mark spends a lot of his money on renjun. and it’s not like renjun asks for it because dude he’s got his own fucking money. mark just likes to spoil his bf - sometimes he’s just out and he sees something that he thinks renjun will like and get it. that’s just how he is, he’s whipped.

2: Who sleeps in the other’s lap?

who do you think? mark sleeps in renjun’s lap !!! he’s a baby and renjun is his cuddly bear. which sounds really cheesy but renjun is really good at rubbing his back and such. he also likes the way renjun plays with his hair, it calms him.

3: Who walks around the house half-naked and who yells at them to put on some clothes?

renjun walks around half naked all the time. EVEN WHEN THERE ARE GUESTS AROUND !! it’s crazy, you would think it’s mark however he’s way too shy about that stuff. so usually it’s mark yelling at him because it drives him insane. (his skin is just so nice and mark doesn’t want to get worked up around guests...)

4: Which one tells the other not to stay up all night and which one stays up all night anyway?

mark likes to read things late at night and in the bed next to renjun. and renjun cannot sleep with the lights on or with mark’s phone brightness lighting up the whole room so usually he yells at him and mark will say “in a few minutes babe” but a few minutes turn into an hour.

5: Which one tries to make food for the other but burns it all by accident and which one tells them that it’s okay and makes them both cookies?

okay ya’ll know. it’s mark who burns all the food. after he tried to make breakfast in bed for renjun, he almost burned down the whole house. renjun eventually did come to the rescue and save them all from dying. he just rubbed mark’s back, gave him a peck on the cheek and made them a good batch of cookies.

6: Which one reads OTP prompts and says “Oh that’s us!” and which one goes “Eh, not really”?

renjun used to really be into …. some vampire show. either it was buffy the vampire slayer or true blood. either way it doesn’t matter so he loved to write fanfiction for them … and well otp prompts were always so nice to use.sometimes he still reads them and thinks about him and mark while reading them. so eventually renjun showed one to mark: “person A is addicted to peanut butter. unfortunately, when they start dating person B, they find out person B is allergic to peanuts.” and mark was so confused because neither of them are allergic to peanut butter… it happens a lot and mark just gets so frustrated.

7: Which one constantly wears the other’s clothes?

renjun always wears mark’s clothing !!! he especially loves wearing his sweatshirts. no explaination he just loves mark and his nice clothing….

okay fine! yeah its cliche, they smell like him and renjun loves it.

8: Which one spends all day running errands and which one says “You remembered [thing], right?”

mark is usually the one running the errands and renjun just texts him after he’s done, asking if he’s got what they needed. prompting mark to turn the car around to get that thing that they desperately need. it drives mark crazy because it almost happens every time YET he refuses to have a shopping list !! he’s a maniac.

9: Which one drives the car and which one gives them directions?

mark’s the driver. renjun is the organized one. he’s the one that likes sitting in the seat just chillin and playing music not having to worry about the road in front of him. one might say he’s a bit lazy.

10: Which one does the posing while the other one draws?

mark poses for renjun ! sometimes naked sometimes not who knows ! mark thinks it’s quite embarrassing but renjun reassures him that if he doesn’t get this art grade because of him, he will no longer give mark any more kisses for a whole month !! so there is that.

11: If they were about to rob a museum, which one does backflips through lasers and which one is strolling behind with a bag of chips?

renjun is incredibly flexible and sometimes it freaks mark out. so i can totally see renjun doing all those cool flips and stuff because mark … mark’s just a klutz. plus mark does like chips so… it just works that way.

12: Which one of your OTP overdoes it on the alcohol and which one makes the other stop drinking?

this is kind of hard because sometimes renjun likes to drink a lot. but, usually its mark who gets drunk. mark doesnt even over do it he literally will have like one glass of wine or something and lose his shit. renjun usually has to pry the drinks away from mark and lock them somewhere he will never find them. that’s how crazy mark is. (also renjun doesnt take him to any parties anymore)

13: Which one likes to surprise the other with a lot of small random gifts?

i kind of said this in the beginning but mark likes to surprise renjun all the time. most of the time it’s stuffed animals so as you can imagine … renjun has a huge pile of stuffed animals. he loves them all and doesn’t have the heart to get rid of them.

14: Which one keeps accidentally using the other’s last name instead of their own?

… renjun… sometimes he’ll introduce himself to a friend of mark’s like “hey lee renjun”. and mark is like ???? and the other person is like ???? so everyone is confused until renjun’s ears get red and he corrects himself. sometimes it just ends up with mark and renjun making out in a nearby closet or restroom because mark can’t resist how renjun just accidentally uses his last name as his own like that.

15: Which one screams about the spider and which one brings the spider outside?

mark HATES spiders but somehow renjun screams through bringing it outside on their balcony. it’s a funny sight because they both are quite afraid of the little creatures. BUT WHO ISN’T?

16: Which one gives the other their jacket?

mark likes giving it to renjun and renjun likes receiving it. like i said before renjun likes wearing his clothing!!!

17: Who keeps getting threatened by the other’s overprotective older sibling?

renjun’s older sister always threatens mark, even when she’s over at their place pretending everything is fine - renjun will go to the bathroom, leaving them alone and she … is one terrifying person. mark is literally afraid of her so he’ll just nod along and do whatever she says.

18: Who’s the first one to admit they have feelings for the other?

it was mark. since they’ve known each other it wasn’t that hard for other people to see it coming. mark is head over heels for renjun and maybe renjun is a little oblivious - even when jaemin and jeno would tell him, he would be like “lol no but thanks”. so after a party at jeno and jaemin’s … mark has a little too much to drink and he sees renjun out on the balcony, staring at the city below. mark somehow makes his way to renjun. renjun is like “haha okay buddy, lets not be out here since you’re drunk and like it’s dangerous.” but mark stops him because the twinkling tealights that are surrounding them - they make renjun glow. he’s so pretty mark can’t resist. “i like you.” and you can figure it out from there. (nothing suggestive, it’s all fluff with these two).

19: How good would your OTP be at parenting?

it would be cliche to think of renjun as the motherly figure and mark as a grumpy old dad. but that’s not them at all. please they’re still young, parenting is the last thing on their minds (plus i cant think of them like this yet). they live in the moment, making out in random places and cuddling during scary movies. sometimes drinking on school nights but who knows, they probably will be good parents someday.

20: Which one types with perfect grammar and which one types using numbers as letters?

what does numbers as letters mean !!!!? they both are equally capable of writing with perfect grammar. mark loves to write, dude was going to be an english major. renjun is just smart. idk

21: Who gets attacked by a bully and who protects them?

if anyone is going to be attacked by a “bully” its going to be mark just because that boy is embarrassing and a klutz, so sometimes he says the wrong things at the wrong time. which is okay because mark is completely innocent and he’s really sweet so he doesn’t know what’s going on. renjun is the one who puffs out his chest and usually scares away the bullies. he doesn’t fight anyone he just scares the LIVING SHIT OUT OF THEM.

22: Who makes the bad puns and who makes a pained smile every time the other makes a pun?

mark has got to stop with the bad puns, renjun can’t keep fake smiling all the time. it’s exhausting.

23: Who comes home from work to see that the other one bought a puppy?

only with renjun’s consent because a puppy is a big responsibility !!! but yeah it’s mark who would. fucking sugar daddy esk pile of goofball.

24: Which one gives the other a piggyback ride when they’re tired?

mark loves giving renjun piggyback rides. he’s small enough because mark doesn’t usually work out very often because work and college tires him out but he’s strong enough for renjun. and he usually picks him up when renjun comes home from a late shift and he just carries him to the bedroom to pepper him with kisses.

25: Which one competes in some sort of activity and which one does the overzealous cheering?

mark plays … basketball and you bet renjun is the most supportive s.o. there. fucking yelling and cheering for his babe. mark gets a little embarrassed but when he sees renjun’s pretty face, he feels fueled enough to keep playing. uhm and he always wins…

26: Who takes a selfie when the other one falls asleep on their shoulder?

renjun loves taking embarrassing pictures of mark because he thinks mark is quite ugly at times. (but his ugly boy, nobody can insult him except for him). so sometimes mark falls asleep on him and renjun can’t just pass up on this opportunity. there is a scrapbook going now with about a third full.

27: Which one would give the other a makeover if they asked?

renjun used to get it from his older sister all of the time and at some point he enjoyed it. so he begs mark if he can do it to him. sometimes he does his nails or plucks his eyebrows. his favorite part is the facemasks or … using the bath bombs together.

28: Which one owns a pet that the other is absolutely terrified of?

renjun has a small dog at his parents’ house and mark is absolutely terrified of it because that thing can go from being cute to rabid and snarling in one second. for some reason it hates mark and mark hates being there. help him.

29: Which one holds the umbrella over both of them when it rains?

mark just because he’s a tad bit taller and renjun doesn’t want to extend his arm for that giant. (mark isn’t really that tall… renjun is just bitter and lazy).

30: If your OTP went on vacation, where would they go and what would they do? Who would take the pictures?

one of those disney places. they would be so cute there please, that’s where dreams come true and happiness never dies. i want them to make a little video together liKE A VLog oh my god, im crying inside. they would be so cute going on rides together. just imagine it. ~

#q&a;mlrj #my works #mlrj:writ

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green-there · 4 years

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Concerts 2019-February 2020 : favorite songs and tid bits from shows

Cage the Elephant- Back stabbin’ Betty is my favorite song by them. Telescope was really great to hear live because of the soothing tone of the song and the energy behind it and reminds me of being younger feeling moody. It was my friends birthday, and we drove there in a stacked line of cars to the outdoor cathedral. We had to drive down a surprisingly long dirt road, and walked to the amphitheater. We passed these rainbow bicycles strewn about that were for only google workers to use, and I peed in an open undeveloped field half way to our destination. The closer we got the more packed it got. We made it in through the crowds to a grassy ledge way back behind the seats, but found ourselves a good view. When the music began it was so exciting to watch the dad with his kid on his shoulders, the group of hispanic guys singing along, and this tinder date gone wrong unfolding before us. So two couples came to watch next to eachother, and couple A’s frat boy ended up grinding on couple B’s female (EVEN DURING SLOW SONGS)... nothing like a sad slow grind I guess? My friends mom showed up with her personal favorite type of alcohol that she knows my friend can’t stand and drank it for her. The people in front of us started smoking weed, and we ended up moving to a spot where we could watch a close up screen of what the singers actually looked like. Beck seemed desperate when he came on stage mentioning more times than needed that he opened for greenday, and wouldn’t let the poor cage the elephant’s main singer get a break so he wouldn’t feel lonely on stage. He was dressed to the 10s, and had a big crazy finale. Next time I listened to cage the elephant, it was my friend playing cigarette daydream driving to a thai food date with my lovely friend and it was reminiscent of simpler times and very peaceful.

The Growlers- They have not made a bad album. I love how the singer moves with his music, and I just couldn’t stop smiling at their show in Seattle! I can’t choose just one song I like the best because they all feel so nice to listen to. The guy from the Strokes produced some of their new music, and I was worried at first that it might shift away from their raw sound, but I can’t complain. Its great. It makes me so happy whenever I listen to them even when when the songs have dark themes, there is something really reassuring about his voice. The flight to Seattle was so funny, I watched yes man completely silent with subtitles with my best friend. The first day in the city we walked around with our suitcases feeling especially ‘standing out like a sore thumb’ which made us feel somewhere between embarrassed and fabulous. Our Canadian friends had a cousin we got to stay with and drove us to the show after a city tour, and called in an old favor with the venue people to let in our Canadian buddies. (She’s so cool she showed us this multi floor brick artist loft overlooking the ocean with a band that never stops playing, burning man kind of creative energy) Long story short at the concert, I went to get us all drinks, couldn’t bring them to the floor (drinking age in Canada is different than US and we didn’t think ahead) so I had to drink all the drinks I bought for us. Very tipsy I danced held and had an emotional connection with the flamboyant fella next to me, along with anyone willing. I was in a floor length sparkly black sheer dress- so I was feeling hot haha. The venue was like a formal old style maybe dance hall and had chandeliers. Im pretty sure the walls were painted red, but I cant be sure.

The Oh Sees- They were sold out in San Francisco, which is why we went to Seattle! My friend is a psych rock connoisseur, and says that she has been listening to them 2 years going and is still in love. Their mosh pit was fantastic, and my ears were ringing for the next couple of days. Very experimental, and the songs all have a wonderful way of combining which I really appreciate. The Daily heavy is a very exciting song, The duck intro never fails to disappoint. I dressed in ripped jeans, combat boots (thank god), and a jean jacket. We spent touring with my friend bf in the city and the gardens, ending up on this very hip part of town. The grunge phase was never just a phase for Seattle, but a life style. The poles on the street were like an arm width thick with posters tacked one on the next. My friend almost got hit by the door by thee Oh Sees lead singer she has been geeking out on and was flattered. I was trying to find her a suitable hook up, but we wern’t so lucky. The venue was dark and moody with hip band posters on the walls upstairs. We got some drinks and talked about how nice it was to not have to worry about how to hold our arms or think about our hands, because we had drinks. The first band I really didn’t like. The Oh sees had suuuch nice crowd energy. We went up to the non gendered bathrooms at one point, but my friends favorite song came on right she was about to go in and she just said fuck it and we ran back downstairs. I moshed and it felt so so nice, and I stepped out so I could keep an eye on my friend when she went in. I didn’t want her to get overwhelmed or hurt without someone to get her out. She did really good at just going with it. The outro to the concert was bizarre and lengthy, and a good way to finish her off.

The Mystic Braves- This was my first show I saw at the Chapel in San Francisco, and it was so wonderful! Amazing grapefruit tequila something I tried, everyone was really laid back, and I just had this feeling of being really happy I got to be here at this place and time. And the disco ball looks so cool watching how the lights carry across the bright red interior super steep ceiling. There were candles along the side walls, and I felt like it was really fitting for a repurposed church. My favorite song by them is can’t grow peaches and cloud nine! The lead singer wore really tight pants. My friend said she recognized different musicians there. I was admiring so many different beautiful people that were collected around that stood out in a way that next to each other they seemed to fit (if that makes sense). I went up to the upstairs bar and pretended like some wealthy moody city person like a sultry vampire-y version of sex and the city. Downstairs after the show we went to a bar filled with distorted clocks and ate frys, talking about how nice it would be to talk to people and know what to say.

Astroid No. 4- They played the same night as The Mystic braves, and we got there late, so we just caught the tail end. They are note worthy though, they have a good sound.

Andre Moya- Claro Esta En Mi Corazon makes me get that feeling like eating really good chocolate does- if that makes any sense. Summer’s Daughter is so dreamy, his sound is gorgeous! It was a couple days before Halloween, and it was supposed to be a costume party kind of thing, so it said. My friend and I went dressed as clowns and we are stand off-ish typically even when we don’t want to be. We parked and some dude made fun of us before we even got out, and it was so hard to go in but we drove all the way out to santa cruz to see him in a wind storm. Anyways it was like 7 of his friends hanging out drinking beer when we went up, none in costumes. He didn’t get to play much because some miscommunication with the Catalyst where he was playing, but he was so sweet! They threw together costumes when we came, and he introduced us to his friends and gave us beers, and we did our best to talk. Such a beautiful legs and long hair, not to mention a very dynamic painter! I got asked on the street by a kind guy if I wanted to go get dinner with him and I politely declined. Our clown duo me and my pal went to Pluto’s cafe who are opened until 3am and ate vegan nachos, and I was convincing myself that I could feel drunk off a beer. The drive back wasn’t as scary and windy thank god.

The Dead Ghosts- They got one of their songs on a Canadian sitcom show called Letterkenny! They played at the Chapel, and the singer was so funny he dedicated one of his last songs to this couple who were choking on eachothers tongues the entire time. Its funny that he made a point of that because me and my boyfriend were going to makeout for a sec to see if we could not be anxious sober doing that, but I wussed out. He talked with us for a while after the show which was really cool. I really like ‘When it comes to you’ by them. It felt so nice just him like sitting on the stage chatting with my friend and boyfriend about the funny things he’s come across, his travels, what his music reminds us of and the such.

Torrey- They were so sweet! My boyfriend described them as great sunset music and got all excited when they had a couple of free CDs, but didn’t get to them in time. He talked to the main girl and she mailed one to Costa Mesa for him! Scruffy is my favorite song by them, I agree they are great sunset drive music. She was so cute!

The Shivas- So they started the band back when they were teenagers in Oregon, and the Catalyst was their first venue that opened their doors to get them on their first little tour! They were very thankful and gave them a big thanks during the show in Santa Cruz. You make me wanna die is their biggest song, and I’ve loved it for so long, its the best feeling to put a face to a voice! And they have such a cute look! The guy in control of the lighting had a few projectors pointing at the band and had a different colorful puddles of dyed oils, water and bubbles that he would distort with the music, which was really exciting to watch. Turn me on is a great song, and I bought a pin for a dollar with the cover art on it.

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard- Driving in the city my best friend does very very good at and Im proud of her for it. We parked in this absolutely massive parking garage that felt like an extended dream walking through the huge in ground spiral upwards searching for a door. We made it up, but I freaked my friend out a bit getting into the surreal feeling of the place. The street was filled with cool people, and we often talk about how we wished we could smoke. But my friend and I had the same problem with track, which is we are both just bad at breathing. Huge dream like open space building in a tight line spiraling upstairs to this overly formal but massive room with huge arches and a tall tall ceiling. Big huge fans in those windows to get this massive body of humans some air. People smoked weed around us in the crowd, so we were in and out so my friend wouldn’t have to worry about breathing. Their concert was something brand new. It was like the first time being in the snow or something- just insane. This show was their first release of Infest the rats nest. They have a huge group of guys, including 2 drummers that play in sync, and OH MAN. The energy in that room and how we all fed off the transitions in the music and how you can see physically how people in the audience change with the music. Plus their music brings up things that genuinely frighten me like climate change. I just recommend the whole album of infest the rats nest. And fishing for fishies is a song that sounds child like and a completely different tone which I was listening to before I went in and was completely caught off gaurd.

Stonefield- They are the second band I’ve bought a shirt from (Wooing was the first band). Its really cool. They remind me of classic rock music when people started getting all experimental. The whole band is female and they all came out wearing matching corduroy pants and jackets, each in a different color, and all have really long hair. I really like People by them and Delusion is great too. They are so hot ah man what a power move to wear all corduroy matching suits and play so hardy ooh man.

Twin Peaks- The crowd surprised me! Lots of people who obviously went to Berkley which was a bit intimidating honestly. They have a lot of nice songs, Making Breakfast and Shake your Lonely are good for a morning perhaps where you are making breakfast. I can see it walking somewhere laid back. Mid-day only if its summer and you are by a body of water.

Post Animal- Their first album is great, then they got a bit more of a pop sound. Buried gold in that first album! What the heck they make an album like that and then got popular for their pop?? That first album shows that they are great at what they do, and hopefully it will get dug up and popular and they will come home to psych rock papa. Tame Impala got big for it, so if they are worried about being less liked for more of a psychedelic sound then piggy back on tame impalas newer fan base. Not ideal but PLEASE such posibility lost when they rolled over and went pop.

The Drums- “I want to buy you something, but I don’t have any moneyyy, I don’t have any moneeeey!” There is a real hit home chorus if Ive ever heard one. Very much a surfer feeling, and Im for it. Dark themed beachy pop (for their older stuff), great control over his voice, and he dances when he sings which I love. Their new stuff has some tech-y sounds in it. They played in the Catalyst too, but the big room for them because they are more known.

COWGIRL CLUE- Walked blind into that one. Had no previous knowledge of music like hers before being there. We were so worried that her microphone wasn’t picking up her voice, and thats why we couldn’t make out her words. She’s dating a guy from the garden so I heard. CHERRY JUBILEE is honestly a banger and it took time to realize it haha

The Black Lips- The girl in the band is so hot I love her look so much! They played in San Jose on this street with nice art galleries on and around it. O Katrina and Crystal Night are my favorite songs by them. They have an interesting mix of band members, they all have their own distinct style which is unusual, but it was nice. And the audience was the same kind of assortment of the outliers which makes me comfortable. The bar had a kind of rugged presence that was the first of its kind for me.

Ohmme- I cried hearing them sing. Such insane knowledge of how to use their voices, listening to them in person it makes sense when people talk about voices as instruments. They know what they are doing and they just work so well together. I have this feeling that there is possibly an Irish folk influence? Im not sure if Im reading that in. But that, some great guitar shindigs that they play, there is an element of surprise as their songs transition in intensity. Give me back my man and Fingerprints are so satisfying. Wheel is their newest (and real good). AND THEN SHE WHIPPED OUT THAT VIOLIN Oh man so talented. Plus they brought up points for being pro choice, access to period material, strong feminist power here ahh

Wand- The singers voice is so distinctively peaceful and entrancing, the music is psychedelic and makes your mind wander with it like a dream. They remind me of Radiohead but my friend said those are figting words (haha).They played at a venue attached to a bar made for old guys to hang out in, and you could tell by the crowd. Anyways. Im convinced their bass player was checking me out and I was very flattered. He had a beautiful hairline which is something I didn’t know could be beautiful- but it really works nicely with his face structure. The singer uses a violin bow to play electric guitar with which is a very new concept to me! My favorite part about them is the transitions of intensity throughout their songs, there is something almost orchestral about it that just makes me tear up thinking about. The lighting was absolutely beautiful! You remember the Shivas concert I talked about with the lighting being experimental pools of colored translucent liquids and oils on projectors all moving with the music? Well this was that but evolved. Pricy looking projectors and high saturation colors. The motions of this music just carry you through so many feelings and just being a part of the color and music just melts ya. Bee Karma, 6661,Wonder, Keep you up Aghhhh so good! so so so good.

Bridget Dawson- She was so cute! A band of misfits! She makes music with the Oh Sees now and then, and I liked how they had saxophone in all their songs. They played at the chapel, and we got our favorite grapefruit- tequila drinks. Its called Paloma I think. This guy who plays spanish classical guitar live stream on his instagram now and then and dresses all 70s (He sang both my friend and I into songs on his instagram live feed and made us geek out kinda hard) was talking to Andre Moya and we were giving them some space to talk to the bar tenders before we went over because we think they are cool and we were kind of embarrassed for being legitimate clowns in front of Angelic Andre. Any who, Bridget Dawson has a beautiful voice and you can really tell she loves making music. When the band was playing I was just imagining how I could run into them just like grocery shopping or at the library or somewhere unexpected because we are all little people with our own lives and minds and how you never know who’s in that creative stream of consciousness until you dig around a bit and really listen to how they perceive and interpret the world.

Mr. Elevator- You can tell by the singers voice that he kind. Dreamer is my favorite song by them! Nico and her psychedelic subconscious not only is a great name for a song, but was really fun to see people really get into dancing to that song. I really appreciate the people who want to dance and just do because they feel like it and don’t need any other thought than that to move. Getting to this frame of mind would feel so freeing, and Im taking my baby steps to allowing myself access to my voice and body. The crowd’s energy was just at a place I really want to be. They play a lot of electric keyboard and organ (organ? Oregon?) The singer had such an embracing energy about him I wish we could be friends :)

Kamikaze Palm tree- The keyboardist that played with Wand reappeared in The Catalyst’s mid sized room for the first set (and my personal favorite of the 3 bands that night). Here we had first band member: very focused beautiful drummer/singer with a white mullet- very etherial, second band member: an individual who had eyes like death that would find a victim to stare into in between bouts of expressive movement while they played guitar (lipstick, cute little hearts on the cheeks, curly hair, preferred gender unknown), and third: our sweet keyboardist that played with Wand earlier. The guitarist was all over the place, the other two were the picture frame. The keyboardist was obviously entertained by the guitarist, and the drummer/singer was back and forth between guitar in front, drumming in back, singing wherever she was at the time. Their music has as much energy and movement as their action of performance. My favorite part was when the guitarist stared into my soul with dark eyes. Looking into someones eyes is one of the most intimate actions you can have with another person, and they gave me a dead stare I was so flattered and enjoyed observing their stone-like expression. And their music feels like they get the same ups and downs going between the energies of peace and chaos. It was like an inner dialogue behind their music, and I couldn’t help but cry smiling like a weirdo. There weren’t many people at the venue yet, so it was a little practice of letting myself feel(and I don’t think I was too obvious thankfully).

Froth- They played after Kamikaze Palm tree. These guys had an interesting social dynamic. The drummer seemed to be micro managing the volumes of their output, and had an extensive dialogue with the guys in charge of sound. But maybe the last band put it on odd levels or something (which I wouldn’t doubt.) The singer seemed really tense about the situation, and the guitarist was just obviously tired of dealing with the drummer. They wanted to be under red light the whole set. The singer seemed like he would be nice, and the crowd got really big out of nowhere. The next band to play was Duster, who apparently hadn’t played in something like 18 years. But what a place to be put in! Right after the dynamic Kamikaze Palm tree just had, and before someone that was a dear loved long lost loved band of a large mass of people!

Duster- Upon reading their Spotify description it seems that they started up at the end of one categorization, and before the beginning of the next, so they were popularized in their later years because they were genre lost and recaptured. But wow I could feel their space influence at their show, definitely music to travel and/or cry to. I loved their transitions, their following was so happy to see them you could just feel it! Its contained and deep in a way where I cant quite place. Their songs have a range. Some are looking up into the stars, feeling your body shift into them as you realize how you are a part of each other (a song like topical solution), or being outside as a storm approaches and overtakes you so you get to the point of feeling the warmth in your blood moving separate from the coldness of your skin, and the process of getting where you need to be to be (Echo, Bravo).

#music

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theswanwithmagic · 5 years

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30 Days of D.I.D.

Day Two: Who knows about your system? Who do you want to know? What do you feel like it’s like coming out as multiple?

I have only told online friends(You!), but two of them didn’t want to be just online anymore and they visited us once now so we could officially call our-selfs friends. Also we started telling Jakobs and mine partner and he is taking it quiet well.

There are people I want to tell I’m just not quiet there... I don’t want to hurt or lose them. Like my BFF or some other friends. We have that condition where you cant stay friends for longer that a semester... : /

Coming out is something I wouldn’t call a nuclear bomb. IT’s not me jumping on a unicorn out of Narnia. It’s more like:

Sorting out who can take it.

Sorting out who will understand it.

Sorting out who will accept it.

It’s not sitting down with them and having a coffee or a whine and talk about it. (Sometimes it is) But mostly its telling them and waiting deverstatedly for them to answer. And If they are even interested. Don’t push it on them. Some people need tome to process.

My bf for example is kind of ignoring it. And we are not really mad. Not all of us. He is taking us all in as one, and on one hand this might seem cute because he desperately tries to treat us all like his gf. But some are offended with this. Kiril would switch out if touched more than 3 seconds and Dima would slap his hand if touched anywhere else than the arms or hands. (he always accepts kisses on the cheeks or forehead tho XD.

We just hope it’ll get better before Dima snaps and slaps him our DID in the face...

#30 days of did #actuallymentallyill #actuallydid #coming out

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nofeelingsandallthefeelings · 6 years

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whats best for me

today was tough. I promise on god on my grandpa, I WLL NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO BE IN A DEPRIVED FINANCIAL SITUATION, I LIVE IN ABUNDANCE OF LIFE I AM ABUNDANCE ABUNDANCE EASILY FLOWS INTO MY LIFE.

I am conflicted with going into heavy work today or just giving up and calling it a day. It was rough sis but I think I made the right decision for myself and my values and boundaries, on the contrary its amazing how powerful vanity and pride are, i felt sad upon the realization i wouldn't get to take cool pics or go out to the clubs - even though i have 0 energy for all of that, it still bruised me. I literally cant taste anything because of these allergies. The conversation with alex was the most disappointing conversation - he was supportive but i dont think he gets it to a basic extent- i understand he was trying to do the best he can but it is so ignorant i cannot tolerate it, he told me he had debt too and its just something I would have to live with and that i shouldn't trust my mom, duh girl- thats not all he said, he was nice and kept telling me he loves me. I looked out the window and decided I think I resent alex to a little bit and mostly because when i tell him things that are really bothering me, like really deep things as such my mom problems, etc. my mind is so blank right now. I dont know what to say. yeah just with my mental state, i would not want to go out and be in loud places or get ready and spend all that money, and be in a little room with alex and his bf idk why i dont like darius, hes just annoying to me and when they are together they are super annoying, maybe i think alex is annoying and wouldn't otherwise be his friend but I have known him for so long that it has naturally combined.

I wish i could relate to the little and significantly less tumultuous lives they lead, but alas I cannot and I am okay with that. I am strong because of the unfortunate parts I couldn't control but I am me now and need to take my lessons to apply them and I am. I am grateful for all the lessons the universe has revealed to me. It is just frustrating finding how to balance that and it is exhausting always having to explain my choices. It has been revealed you really can only rely on yourself and base my decisions on me, bc I know me - have always lived with me and will always live with me, my feelings, my choices and all that follows. I feel good making the decision not to go to nyc, I feel like I couldn't have another case of drake on my hands, where I wasn't really enjoying it but was already there. I made the right decision that align with my values, priorities and in the best interest of my future self. This is the first adult decision i have made in the realm of priorities and responsibility. and I am not in any way shape or form in any state to bring on shawn or make it of importance, there is no way in hell. That is over the edge, thats way tooooo much and he doesn't know my struggles either- even with the money it wouldn't make me happy thats just too much.

As I evolve, I am realizing boundaries as far as telling people things, reveal the worthiness of their ears - as in such, as I pulled one layer back It allowed me to test the waters, ie, I didn't tell Alex about what I was going through bc he minimizes it a little and doesn't get it, and so I pulled big layer back and realized its not worth it to pull another layer off, and if I was to pull another layer I would be setting myself up for disappointment and voila, thats how you know the worth of their ears. Knowledge is a privilege.

One of the proudest part of today was the epiphany of stopping myself when I began to desperately search for what man I could turn to and hahaha girl, I was like noooo they cant fix nothing and looked within myself and what I could do to improve my situation. V proud, growth sis, I managed to get out of the dorm despite my uncontrollable crying and now I am sitting in Massey writing this about to study for french.

i have also been spending a significant amount of time retraining my brain to not believe my thoughts, although its been extremely difficult amidst the recent situations bc my brain goes into code red or something and cant get it together to understand they are just thoughts.

I am in the moment, I am in the present, I deserve happiness and love, I spread happiness and love and light, i spread light i spread light. i love myself i love to like myself i like myself i like myself, i love myself, i actaully literally made the decision today that I go first, I am my priority, I did it, now keep doing it sis, keep making the best decisions for you, you know what is best for you, you know you, I love you, i like you i love you i like you. I love you i love you i love you.

a hot, sad but revealing october day 10.4.18

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