#i dont wanna fucking kill myself

[joyouspursuits]

I've always been afraid to even consider that I have a bipolar disorder partially bc I have seen how much it has ruined other people's lives and partially bc of my PTSD. But I genuinely think I am having a manic episode right now. I feel it so strongly, worse than in a while, and it's causing me to really panic too.

#manic panic at least rhymes #love that for me #embly rambles #anxiety #bipolar #manic episode #manic pixie nightmare #that sorta vibes yeah?? #i took my anxiety meds so hopefully i will calm down but i also already smoked weed too and took melatonin and nothing so idk #but ive been having trouble keeping up on my meds lately #so i havent taken my mood stabilizer in a while #so it might be unmedicated issues #ugh i need to stop thinking that sober life is for me #its genuinely not #keeping myself high and medicated is harm reduction #i dont wanna fucking kill myself #suicide mention tw #im trying to use more responsibly #but my life is just falling apart rn and i cant function #i have it in my head that i really want to be sober #cause politically it just makes sense to me #me having to be so fucking medicated is due to capitalism #i cannot survive the capitalistic demands without this shit #and im not privileged enough to just not participate in capitalism unfortunately... #i feel awful #autism

[starry-bi-sky]

(Part of this post with older brother danyal al ghul)

...Okay, look. Sam knows she's staring. She knows very well that she is staring. And that if she doesn't stop staring it's gonna draw her unwanted attention, and that will only have to make her explain why she's staring. Which she doesn't want to do.

She's trying not to stare, which she thinks she should get brownie points for. She tries to look away, to find a spot on the wall to stare lifelessly at, maybe she can burn holes into some of these annoying socialites' heads. But eventually her eyes drift, and suddenly she's back to staring again.

Can you blame her though? Damian Wayne looks like a very close mini-me of her fucking best friend. Seriously, it's like looking into a mirror to the past. If that mirror to the past had green eyes rather than blue and a distinctive lack of a facial scar.

The first time she sees him when her parents drag her over to Bruce Wayne to butter up to him she has to do a doubletake. Then a triple take. Then a quadruple take, just for good measure that she was seeing what she was actually seeing. She was sure she looked like one of those stress toys that when squeezed had their eyes pop out comically like a Saturday morning cartoon, that's what she certainly felt like anyways.

Look, Danny's come a decent way from being that scowl-y, jerkish little ten year old she first met when he arrived like the wind to Amity Park five years ago (even if he was still occasionally scowl-y and jerkish), but one thing that's stayed the same is how reserved he is about his home life prior to being taken in by the Fentons.

He doesn't talk about it much, and Sam's come to know that he's very good at changing the subject when it gets brought up. Even after being friends for nearly four years, the only thing she and Tuck know for certain is that he has a little brother that he refers to as 'starlight', whom he cares a lot about but left on really bad terms with. And that he's never met his father, but wants to and knows who he is.

He's never told her or Tucker who he was though, and glancing at Bruce Wayne, Sam is realizing why. She can begrudgingly acknowledge all the good he's done for Gotham, but... well, if Danny told her that Bruce Wayne was his dad, she wouldn't have believed him at all.

But she's starting to see the resemblance, as subtle as it is.

And she sees the resemblance to Damian Wayne, her eyes dropping back down to him as he wears a very Danny-like scowl on his face, arms crossed behind his back as his eyes swept around the ballroom. He was five years younger than Danny, and god it was so, so weird.

His eyes turned on to her, and they locked gazes for a moment.

Involuntarily, Sam makes a startled noise and looks away. Fingers tap against her purse, black and purple and unfortunately a clutch that only held her phone and her wallet in it. She would have kept a knife on her, but her parents put their foot down and there was a security detail at the door. Only in Gotham.

Silently, she was hoping that the little Danny-me didn't say anything. Or at least, he hadn't noticed her staring. Which was a tall order if she ever heard one -- and unfortunately, her silent prayers went unanswered as her mother's eyes dropped down onto her.

"Did you say something, Samantha?" She asks in a sickeningly sweet voice, a sound that makes Sam's skin crawl. Her dad and Bruce Wayne's attention also turns onto her, and she glowers at her mom from the corner of her eye.

"I didn't say anything." Sam says, barely keeping her tone polite as she turned her head away. Her mother clucks her tongue, disapproving, but from her peripherals doesn't pester her more

Bruce Wayne, the bastard, takes that time to turn to Sam and grace her with his dime-a-dozen billboard smiles. "I've been talking with your parents this whole time, Miss Manson, you must be terribly bored. How is your schooling going?"

Sam eyes him up and down. On one hand, she immediately wants to be snarky. It's none of his business what her school life is like, she doesn't care for his fucking small talk.

On the other hand, this was Danny's whole father. Someone who she knows that Danny has wanted to meet for, what she's assuming, his whole life. He's never brought it up much, but she remembers that very quiet, solemn conversation she and Tucker had with him where he admits to having never met his dad. But god does he want to.

And... wait. Sam's eyes narrow, and she meets Bruce Wayne's eyes. Does this man even know Danny exists? She drops her gaze down to Damian, who was staring at her suspiciously, and then back up to Bruce, and she alternates between them.

Why was Damian living with Bruce, but not Danny? Why hasn't Bruce done anything to reach out to him - what was going on with Danny's biological family that Danny had to be separated from them, but not Damian? Danny's always been kinda mysterious, but now things weren't adding up.

Was Danny given up? Does Bruce just not want Danny, but wanted Damian? Why the fuck does Bruce Wayne know about Damian but not her best friend -- or does he know and just not care? He's fought for custody for his adoptive kids before, does he just not want to fight for his other biological son? Does he think Danny's not worth it?

She's never cared much about the Wayne family before, other than to hear about the advancements on WE's eco-friendly tech, but Sam thinks she's gonna have to look into why Damian Wayne was living with the Waynes.

Slowly, with a protective anger beginning to burn in her gut and crawl up her throat, a scowl slowly curls at the corner of her lip as she redirects her glare from her mother onto Bruce. "It's going fine," She says curtly, jutting her chin out defiantly. "Me and my friend Danny started a petition to fix the leaky faucets in the girls and boys' bathrooms in order to conserve more water for the rest of the city."

She eyes his face, waiting to see if anything like recognition flashes through it. And- and nothing. Sam breathes in slowly through her nose, trying to quell the red that's blurring the edge of her vision -- does he just, not know where Danny is?

Her parents however, make vaguely displeased expressions. "Our Samantha is... quite passionate about her pet projects." Her dad says, laughing low and nervously, "she's very vocal about silly things like that."

"Her friend Daniel is perhaps even worse than she is sometimes." Her mother adds on, fanning her face with her perfectly manicured hands with a sigh. "I swear, he's the one that keeps dragging her into these things."

Sam's anger turns on its head, and she whirls on her heel like a fire-breathing dragon. "It's Danyal." It rolls out like instinct. Danny's told them both that he hates the Americanized pronunciation of his name, but in a rare moment of restraint, puts up with it for reasons unknown to her. "And Danny doesn't make me do anything, it was my idea."

The name, Danyal, seems to ring some kind of bell in Brucie Wayne's head, because she sees him and Damian quietly perk up like two cats pricking up their ears. Her eyes flick onto him immediately, something dangerous rearing its head. So Bruce Wayne knows about Danny. And he's not reaching out to him. Is he? She's not sure.

She does know that she's gonna rip his throat out if she finds out that he's known about Danny this entire time and has been ignoring him while favoring his little brother. She'll hunt down Aragon herself and steal his dragon-shifting amulet and wreck house on Bruce Wayne if that's the case. Batman and his league of vigilantes be damned. Her parents don't notice her slowly turning head towards Bruce.

But Bruce does, and she makes direct eye contact with him. His smile doesn't falter, he just tilts his head like a curious puppy and looks at Sam's parents. She hopes Bruce can read minds, she hopes he can hear her threatening him.

"Danyal?" He asks, and Sam doesn't know if she hates the fact that he said it correctly or not. She just continues burning holes into him and hoping he might spontaneously combust.

Her mother waves her hand dismissively, tilting her nose up poshly into the air. "Our dear Samantha's little... foster friend from school," she says, not even bothering to hide her disdain, "a creepy little boy with the most garish scar on his face. He's a rude little thing, not good for polite company."

Scratch that, Sam mentally alternates between ripping into her parents and Bruce. She whirls on them. "Do not talk about Danny that way." She all but snarls, and they all but ignore her.

(She's tearing up the upholstery when she gets home. She's going to paint over the fine china. She's going to do something to make them pay for this.)

"Oh yes, he was taken in by that freaky Fenton family a few years ago." Her dad continues in lieu of her mom, and they both shake their heads disapprovingly. "It's just what our city needs, another menace."

"Danny is not a menace." Sam continues, raising her voice while her hands shake with rage. Her parents finally look at her, but she can already tell that they're going to scold her for raising her voice. She bulldozes over them and jabs her black-painted finger at them. "He's got a bigger heart than the both of you combined."

"Samantha, please." her mom says, exasperated. They both give her disapproving looks, Sam thinks about grabbing champagne off the tray of a nearby waiter and throwing it in their faces. "You defend that boy far too much. What do you actually know about him and his family?"

Sam sets her jaw, puffing herself up like a dragon protecting its hoard. She steps into her mom's space. "I know that he loves the stars; you can ask him anything about astronomy and he could give you an entire lecture on the formation, class types, and various gasses that stars are made up of. He can tell you how the Earth was formed, he can tell you about the visible light spectrum and about light curves, and a whole ton of other stuff that I don't really understand. But Danny loves talking about it."

Her face twists and scowls, "I know he cares a ton about the environment and about fixing light pollution, and preserving the forests and natural habitats of animals." She nearly jabs her finger into her mom's chest, "I know he loves dogs, and that there's one he feeds every day on the way to school that he calls Cujo, its a St. Bernard puppy and Danny carries him around whenever he sees him after school, and is in the middle of training him."

It's not a total lie, but it's not the whole truth either. Cujo doesn't need food, but Danny gives him it anyways. "I know he likes spicy food and loves movies but specifically only sci-fi and horror, and he hates most martial arts movies. His favorite superhero is the Martian Manhunter, but Batman comes in at a close second." For reasons to her that were pretty unknown, but it didn't matter.

"I know he loves wordplay and making puns, which I would have never expected from him when we first met, but it's so unbelievably Danny-like that I can't imagine him not making puns." And she smiles a little to herself, she remembers the first time Danny intentionally made a pun once and it got startled laughs out of both her and Tucker.

Her smile suddenly falters, and she swallows. Her lips purse up, wobbling, and she very quickly glances over to Damian Wayne, of whom is watching her with a vaguely bewildered expression alongside Bruce.

She turns her eyes back onto her parents. "And I know that he worries a lot, even if he has a shit way of showing it. I know he had a little brother that he hasn't seen since he was adopted by the Fentons, and he doesn't talk about him often but when he does he he calls him 'starlight'." From the corner of her eye, she sees Damian jerk.

"So- so, so what if he's not 'good for polite company'." Sam's voice, embarrassingly, cracks down the middle. But she's so angry over Danny's behalf that she doesn't really care. "Or that he can be mean, and critical, and stubborn. He's learning, and he's becoming kinder by the day. That's more than I can say about you."

(She remembers when Danny finally admitted to her and Tucker being his 'closest friends'. It was sometime before the portal incident, and it felt like a milestone because beforehand he only really referred to them as his companions or allies.)

(At the time, he'd looked unsure of himself. Skittish like a stray in the back of an alleyway, almost shy in his own way. It had come out stilted, slow, like an infant taking its first steps, and it would have been endearing if it hadn't been heartbreaking.)

Her parents rear back like she'd struck them, and her mother holds a hand against her chest in aghast. Sam doesn't care, she blinks the sting out of her eyes. "Samantha." Her mother starts.

Sam cuts her off, "I don't care what you have to say, you-- you pricks." she snaps, around her, there are gasps. Belatedly, she realizes she's grown an audience, but again she doesn't care. "Danny might be an asshole, but he cares. And I'd rather be around someone whose mean but cares, than someone whose nice but doesn't."

With that, she whirls on her foot and turns on Bruce Wayne, who has been silent the entire time with a surprised expression on his face. He starts to shake out of it when Sam turns to him, but she doesn't give him the chance to speak. "Enjoy your party." She snarls, and then stalks away.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #danyal al ghul au #older brother danny #sam is one protective gal. this scene went differently in my head. way differently. but alas. i am not complaining. #sam: if bruce wayne abandoned my best friend i'm gonna physically transform myself into a dragon and incinerate him. how dare he. #bruce and damian got to watch in real time as a random girl who knows danny suddenly realizes he's related to them. which is comical to me #because she suddenly goes from being disinterested but weirded out by damian. to suddenly looking at bruce like she's gonna kill him #which is very funny to me bc from their pov at first its like this random girl just speedran hating bruce. and then her parents bring up he #friend danny and then she calls him danyal. and suddenly its starting to click into place like 'oh fuck wait we may just have a lead on -- #-- finding danyal and his whereabouts.' especially after sam's mom mentions the scar on his face. like wow. what a crazy ten minutes. #not seen but def happened: sam gets her phone out to go text danny in the corner. she's not gonna bring up the bruce thing yet. she needs #a pick me up. related note: danny and tucker know she's gone to some gala thing with her parents but not to a wayne gala. if danny had know #he may have told her that he was related to damian wayne. just to prepare her for that. not so sure on the writing in this one folks #but i also dont wanna go through and edit anything its like half past one in the morning and i also dont wanna wait until morning to post #when i can just do it now. and get instant serotonin. i thought of this scene in various ways. like sam calling damian 'danny' out of shock #and then quickly correcting herself. and then excusing herself very quickly. or her mentioning that damian resembles her friend danny a lot #so she was just thrown off by him. because i def think that could happen if sam has no reason to think that she needs to hide danny from th #waynes. i also thought about her parents mentioning that damian resembles danny a little bit. only for one of them to go 'oh no no couldn't #- be. how insulting to damian since the daniel they know has this horrid scar on his face.' and then go from there. either way i thought #a scene like this would be fun. get to also kinda explore how danny looks like from his friends' povs. of which he is #'our lovable jerk who is an ex-cult member and whom we will maim someone over.' #not a scene that was added but i wanted to: sam mentioning in parenthesis that she and tucker think danny was part of a cult prior to the #fentons. and that sometimes danny will say something alarming and sam and tucker will stare at him until he frowns and goes #“that... isn't normal. is it?” and tucker will clap his shoulder and cheerfully go “no buddy. no it isn't” bc i think the idea is funny. #sam is so focused on the idea that bruce abandoned/ignored/was unaware of danny's existence that she momentarily forgot that bruce may have

[luck-of-the-drawings]

smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.

#jrwi show #jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying #nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess #ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so #i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little. #AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair. #AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair #both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother. #GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home #but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns. #he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again #not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO #i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED #all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis #but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum #and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it #youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales. #YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!! #you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound. #elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now. #this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes #BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply

[beforeyougo-turnthebiglightoff]

getting gender envy from someone My Own Gender really is an experience

#guys do NOT become aware of the fact you're not cis like dont do it ever this is NOT FOR THE WEAK #I AM THE WEAK. #im gonna die im like what the fuck #charli xcx is literally a woman why am i going 'god i wish i was a woman' I AM A WOMAN #i get it tho its like #the desire to want to be a woman does that make sense #god i need a sideblog #radiohead save me #theyre one of about 2 bands that makes actually good sad music like dont whip out the fucking #julien baker or something im sorry I hate her #when yiurw saying 'oh this is so sad' like im looking for MUSIC not just someone going 'i wanna kill myself' over an acoustic guitar getting #strummed in the most pathetic BORING way known to man like jesus fucking christ can we.make MUSIC a thing again omfggg #blah blah! #not 75 stuff

[lairmadness]

How about that Ogerpon

Please read the tags!

#Hi its me! mod dox here #I wanna say that Im really sorry for the sudden disappearance of this blog #i promise we dont want to drop it (or at least. i dont want to) #we havent been back for 2 major reasons: #1. ive been Very burnt out. I just got a job and its made doing art a little difficult #plus post artfight burnout (plus i got SEVERELY injured during artfight) #and so ive been having to slowly train myself back into drawing so! thats why we got an ogerpon #2. i havent heard from mod tracker in almost a month and a half. i dont know where they are or what theyre doing #and i cant run the blog alone. so im sorry! #if worse comes to worst ill try to draw up the next update myself but im hoping mod tracker is ok! so. yea #ill be around if youd like to send an ask or what not #my main is doxilline-alien and my discord is doxillinealien so! #feel free to come over and talk to me. but ill also answer asks on this blog if you wanna send something here! i just cant update the story #so sorry about how informal this post is tracker is gonna kill me for fucking up the tag system/j #mod dox #ooc #lairmadness #ogerpon #teal mask dlc #side note i think ogerpon is one of my favorite pokemon now. little child. mine is name Mint

[slutdge]

if i can be completely honest the agony of living with two abhorrent people in your life that will go to insane lengths to destroy every effort you make to try and leave them feels like its really not worth it my guys i kinda wish id just die in my sleep lol im tired of trying to keep a "positive attitude" about it, no one should have to

#for legal reasons this is a joke #cause yknow how pyschiatric dickriders will respond to this #oh youre sad cause youre being relentlessly abused? well clearly you're fucking crazy #so if we just lock you up in what is essentially just a prison then spit you back out in 2+ weeks #surely that will fix you #yeah sorry like is it that crazy that i wanna kill myself constantly when those are my only 2 options? i dont really think so

[candyskiez]

Honestly think I just need to grit my teeth and kill myself already but alas. None of the materials needed. This is me phobic.

#the pills would just hurt a lot #not high enough surfaces to jump off of #no rope #no gun #I'm being bullied by god rn #might just chance it with the pills see what happens #but we're running low and i dont wanna fuck rhis up for anyone #so :/ #why does killing myself have to be so inconvenient #tw suicide #candyskiez vent

[teknikolor-walters]

the urge to overshare on the internet vs. the fear of being a burden to my friends and worrying yall

#sighs. sighs #i. uh #im sorry #i love u all #so much #none of this is your fault #i just #you know when i said today was my origially planned date but i wasnt gonna do it #yeah #well #that aged terribly #i dont know #i think there are a lot of benefits to me killing myself but i dont wanna traumatize anyone and i dont want anyone to mourn me #i wish i could just fade away #have nobody remember me #if i do stop being a fucking coward and actually go through with it. just rmember that i love you. so so so fucking much #you guys are some of the best people in the world #dont ever forget it #cicadas vent tag

[goodmorningnona]

ya know, i feel real bad for gideon for thinking her girlfriend was breaking up w her but like babe. you jumped on a fucking fence. i dont care if you "meant it romantically", was she supposed to like that????

#this poor girl is so repressed #she has spent her whole life with harrow wanting her dead (or at least thinking she did and that goes for the both of them) #and her undyingly loyal abused ass said one flesh one end huh.. #what is the ultimate romantic gesture.. #how can we save ourselves kill a lyctor and give harrow everything she's ever wanted #except WHAT SHE WANTS IS YOU IDIOT. WHO THE FUCK KILLS THEMSELVES FOR LOVE WHAT DID DULCINEA TELL YOU #you RAT im so mad at you let me brush your hair and tell you it's okay #AND MISS HARROW???? GIRL???? 'oh lemme give myself at home brain surgery so i can preserve your soul' AS A ROMANTIC GESTURE????? #WHY DONT YOU TWO JUST FUCKING. TALK TO EACH OTHER. ASK EACH OTHER THINGS. LEARN TO COMMUNICATE WITH THE OTHER HALF OF YOU #holy FUCK #THEY ARE SUCH TRAUMATIZED TEENAGERS I WANNA EAT THEM FOR BREAKFAST IM [frothing at the mouth] #the locked tomb #tlt #tlt spoilers #the locked tomb spoilers #fucking IDIOTS #GOD #AND YOU KNOW WHAT #ALSO. THE FACT THAT THEY BOTH GET WHAT THEY WANT BY THE END OF NONA AND REALIZE THEY FUCKING HATE IT HERE BECAUSE IT DOESNT HAVE THEIR #OTHER HALF. LITERALLY ALL THEY NEED IS EACH OTHER #AND ALL I NEED IN MY LIFE IS CODEPENDENT LESBIANS. FUUUUUUCKKKKKK #gtn #gideon the ninth #htn #harrow the ninth #ntn spoilers #in the tags #nona the ninth spoilers

[oatbugs]

lmao looking at her insta highlights was a mistake

#i feel worse WHY DOES SHE HAVE TONED MUSCLES UGHHH #also my confidence has gone down a tiny bit bc why is she hanging out w all these cool ppl #how is this girl simultaneously a lawyer and also has her social life on max like give me a break #thered a photo of her walking around in heaven either before closing or after opening shes sooo #HOWEVER. i just had a call w her yesterday that made me realise my idea of romance is more romantic than her idea of romance #but also that she doesnt want to do smth super romancey on a 3rd date which according to my friends is fair but according to my heart #it is not. like why are u on a date if u dont wanna do anything romancey at that point just hang out w friends #odd of her to say that too considering our first two dated were quite romantic . anyway #yo this cafe is playing persian music nice. anyway yh #also she makes being middle eastern so gay yk the goodbye fake cheek kiss thing we do . where u like . kiss the air on the sides of the #persons face when ur saying goodbye. ygwim . yeah she doesnt do the fake air kisses she gives u two tender kisses like . anyway #i discussed the stuff she does w my friend and like why r her words so aloof and her actions so...not . and my friends reaction was #basically this is fuckboy behaviour. apparently he used to do that to girls ?? like tell them he rly liked them #and be all charming and romantic even tho he rly wasnt invested at all and he mostly wanted to hook up. like ok #im gonna kill myself then. why would u stroke my hair w my head on ur LAP THEN. WHAT IF SHE TURNS AROUND AND IS LIKE #oops it was nothing #....ill kms actually. no i womt. but anyway #also got added to the gc w the other lecturers givjng talks on the 6th so its getting more real #my friend was like did u do the script yet :))) . almost died shes so scary i love her . but . fuck two exams . crush. talk. ucl cambrdige #three conferences aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA im so anxious i dont even feel anything atp #......I HAVE NO MONEY!!! TO TOP IT OFF #my crush and i are both iranian (aka born w extremely expensive taste woven into our genes) but i wanna like #treat her w the entire 2 quid in my bank account ig ♡♡♡ #crushposting

[lecliss]

Sakura gets a second point for being the first to complete the tree climbing at being better at chakra control, but at the same time it just feels like she was made good at it so no extra training segment time would have to be put into her getting good at it and it can be all about Sauce and Nart. Idk that feels too pessimistic but also could totally be true.

#she takes on a very 'obsever' role. like kashi is the teacher watching over them. but sock is the watching and commenting from the same #perspective of nart and sauce and also the viewer unlike kashi. cuz he provides a lot of exposition and whatnot in his inner monolgues #and its like. of course the girl is just the observer who watches alongside us as the two main boys grow and develop #AND I DONT WANNA FUCKIN BE PESSIMISTIC ABOUT THIS BUT GOD ITS IMPOSSIBLE!!!! #but her whole character so far is 'i hate the class clown. im book smart. i diet and im in love' #and the way i see it is. 12yo girl TRYING to fit into the femininity she sees in the world around her so she forces herself to be like this #but she has inner sock who speaks what she really feels showing that she puts on quite a front and isnt really much like that at all #and you expect her to grow into wanting her to truly define herself. and she does with getting stronger and training under tsunade and #learning medical ninjutsu so she really finds a spot for herself. she does!!! but then she KEEPS hanging onto the love nonsense #and admittedly there are moments that push a very obvious trope of thinking she likes sauce cuz hes cool but finding out that the real 'gem' #is nart so i definitely understand where n@rus@kus are coming from #but then she just STICKS with sauce until its the worst ship possible and its an utter mess of 'ill never give up on him' #EVEB DESPITE HIM TRYING TO KILL HER!!! THEN THAT FUCKING WORKS OUT!?!?!? #AND TOO THIS DAY SAUCE STILL NEVER COMES OFF LIKE HE ACTUALLY LOVES HER #IM SORRY BUT ITS TRUE. SARD WE ARE GETTING YOU BETTER PARENTS. ON GOD!!!!! #so she just hangs on to this one little thing that she SHOULD have gotten development for to move on from BUT IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS #so its like half her development never fucking happens and thats why it #s such a fuckinf mess!!!!! #i fucking hate this show. i need to go back to watching mike's dino game vod. what am i doing here????? #i did this to myself btw. i didnt need to start yelling about that but thats just how it is with nart #start thinking about something good and then it reminds you of something related thats bad and now its like. yeah this shit sucks #remember when kishi said he regretted not making hina the heroine???? we could have lived in a better timeline. #but if i say that i will get assassinated #anyway. #sock count #personal

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i am,,,once again,,,,,opening a girlie up hang on is this why i get shadowbanned and my blog deleted? I Am Once Again Opening A IMAGINARY Girlie WHO DOESNT EXIST Up in FAKE FICTION

anyway not even using a knife this time its more of a scurvy scars reopening kind of a situation

#you fuck up a regeneration and now your body wont close #dont worry im not posting this ones for the private collection #anyway miss 'death=love' y literally dying: yasmin. yasmin. stick your fingers in me. dont care which hole any of them ive got many rn #its not even technically missy any more i think at this point in her timeline its like missy number 6 #she keeps killing herself!! #also keeps giving herself new names but im just putting missy until ivefigured out what they are #first time it was like a Healing sort of suicide she was inspired by yaz so she was like #I Wanna Be More #and then there was an accident and she turned into koschei #which nobody was very happy with #yaz bc she was like we were having sex yesterday and today youre a child so thats complicated #and missy bc she was like the doctor is acting like im the ghost of their childhood back to haunt them :( #and the doctor bc she was like the ghost of my childhood is back to haunt me #so that was not ideal #then there was an actual suicide-suicide sort of a suicide situation #very committed one too but the doctor uh brought her back #with a lot of effort #then there was a practicality one #like you run i'll explode myself kinda thing #i think im forggeting one #anyway so we're a couple bodies in and she has Once Again fucked up a regeneration #one might suspect shes doing it on purpose #yaz definitely is #but shes also not gonna say no so

[faggotslime]

having a burnout meltdown at work haha

#vent #i hate being autistic #im not built for this its so frustrating #i just want to be able to be 'normal' and regulate and just function but i cant #its not even a matter of willpower it feels like my body and my braon are giving up on me #ive been in a haze all fucking day and im dissociating so bad #i cant mask and i cant emote properly #i cant regulate myself enough to feel better because i dont have enough time to #i feel so pathetic even though i know im not #it doesnt matter in this type of society #im fortunate enough to have my license and 3 jobs but at the cost of my mental sanity #i start feeling better and by the end of the week i want to kill myself again #im aeverely dysregulated i feel like im gonna throw up i just want to fuck off in the woods #i dont wanna do this anymore #i want to be a bird and just get numed by an owl or falcon #i want to be part of the natural food chain and not forced to pander to capitalism to make scraps for the rest of my life #i never asked to be born i fucking hate it here

[kazzykatt]

i can't believe job hunting is making me consider selling art

#kazzy life #vent #i dont want to monetize a hobby i cant its too much pressure #after art school and art work i swore to myself i wont sell my hobby again #but looking for jobs is making me want to kill myself #that or going back to mexico #fuck this first world life i rather go back to a simple grocery store job and being misgendered #i dont want to do this everything is online and stupid and i have to make an account in every website #and its all horrible and they want videos and photos and be a great seller #IM NOT I JUST WANNA GO BACK TO RESTOCKING #i was so happy in my little supermarket hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #never make big decisions at 18 #i dont know why i keep going i really dont #this is just #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[ironmanstan]

I am coming to the realization i have been slowly killing myself with work i think oops

#m thinking now and im like #i havent read ... anything consistently .. or watched anything .. or had time to like do anything #in genuinely so long #and i was like kinda becoming ok w it #my brain issues .. nothing matters i dont need anything all i need is me i dont need to have anyone or anything with me <- bad. stop it #part of this was the i need my dad to be proud of me braincell but well i win award i have 4.0 gpa and he still yell at me #deciding now to stop caring so much (i still do but ill ignore it) i need 2 be alive again i dont care #im so mad i dont even know .. im so viscerally angry like actually i dont even know what to do with that lmfao #my brother does shit all and u give him sm slack have NEVER treated him as bad as youve treated me #and nothing i do NOTHING is good enough or changes how u look at me #like idk he called me and i cried so much i got so fucking upset i fhkdhdkf ok. ok. #he will b like omg im so proud of u i love u so much ive always believed in u and i just think back to when #he yelled at me once like fiiive years ago and i was like u just make me feel so worthless all the time #and he was like yeah bc you are worthless #and im like hmmm idk bestie i dont think youve ever changed from looking at me like that and it is insanely obvious lmao #i dont even know bro im crazy. m insane got given an inch and tried to take a mile like omg i can actually be recognized as worth something #nevermind ill stop killing myself for that pipe dream now lol #m not even upset im just mad lmao i dont wanna hate my dad and i dont but every day i feel more and more like i should #vent

[cavefairy]

oh god oh shit oh fuck everyone hates me why do i talk at all guys just tell me to never talk again (< - said something stupid like 2 hours ago and now feels nauseous and cant sleep)

#we love the anxiety guys its great #like even with tonetags it mightve been a little bad to say what i did and i cant apologize two hours late i hardly know this person #it wasnt even. that bad. a joke. but i fucked up and now everyone hates me and rrgh kick me off the internet im not allowed to talk anymore #its fucking. 1230am. i wanna kill myself right now fucking HELL #guys if i. say something stupid. tell me. tell me so i can fix it. tell me that you dont hate me and you know it was an accident. #tell me you know i was joking but that i shouldnt say shit like that. please tell me when i fuck up but dont be mean about it. #or just kill me right out. that would work too. cant say dumb shit if im dead #cave of the venting fairy