Tumgik
#i dont love it. i dont even like it. but it happened and its over and there are some really beautiful concepts hidden in all the bullshit
valsdelulucorner · 3 days
Text
Mammon head cannons <3
We all know mammon is tsundere, loving to bottle up his emotions towards his loved ones and put on a act. However whenever you two are alone, his tough guy persona melts away completely and turns into your shy demon boyfriend. He both hates and loves that you have that power over him
He loves to collect little trinkets. Hey, no he didn't steal them!..... most of them. I like to think that he has some really sharp eyes so even if something is really well hidden, he spots it a nicks it. He loves showing off his collection to you, talking a million miles a hour as he holds onto your sleeve and boasts about his new tiny thing
If you were to come down to devildom as a welder or a Jewler, oh lord he will try to marry you on the spot. He absolutely loves to watch you work on your creations, even subjecting little ideas he comes up with for you to make. Sure, at the start he tries to steal your creations to sell them but once he gets closer to you, he absolutely loves bringing you his little trinkets to wield into rings and bracelets
Absolutely loves making nests with his pillows and blankets, spreading his body out on top of his nest in his full demon form. He will act all shy if you find him like this on his nest but when he realizes your not making fun of him, buddy, you are in for a long night of cuddles and deep conversation.
Ok hear me out, when mammon cuddles you, he lets out soft snores that sound like a mix between a purr and the sound a crow makes when its happy. He will hide his face in your neck while cuddling as his arms wrap protectively around your waist, subconsciously purring his little heart out in his sleep as his wings cover you in a protective hold
After having you literally die in his arms that one time, he realized how easily it was for you to slip from his fingers so this man does HEAVY research on humans. What humans cant eat, what irritates their skin, what's best for their health, what food will make them live longer, what temperatures they can withstand, the whole 9 yard. He will always give you a bottle of water at morning, noon, and night and will refuse to go anywhere unless you drink some. If he finds out you haven't been drinking through the day, he will genuinely get scared you will die and beg you to drink. He might have missed a few things but he loves you dearly
He gets bad nightmares about loosing you and those dear to him, they started happening more often after he held your dead body in his arms. He would usualy wake up in a cold sweat and go find lucifer, making sure to poke his head into his little brothers rooms to make sure they are ok before going to find comfort in Lucifer. But with you? He would cling to you and thank anyone who would listen that you were still alive, still next to him. He would hide his face in your neck and quietly cry himself back to sleep, being woken up to immediate comfort from you
He mindlessly doodles when he is bored or if he is focused on something else, like you for example. He likes to admire you during class so sometimes when he's supposed to be taking notes, he will start to subconsciously doodle you in his notebook. He will turn bright red if anyone points this out and he will throw his notebook into the wall, just like that video of the guy throwing his laptop into the wall. Poor guy wont get a break
My man will 100% steal you away from his brothers and just go for a walk with you, it doesn't need to lead to anywhere, he just likes talking and being with you
He calls you his little treasure, his jewel, his first, and most likely a nickname of your actual name. They roll off his tounge so easily, he will accidentally call you these Infront of people. "Stay away from my treasure!" ..... "your what?" " D...DONT AVOID THE QUESTION!"
"I wouldn't trade you for all the grim in the world treasure, you mean more to me then money"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I absolutely love Mammon, he is my favorite character but i dont think this was written to the best of my ability. I might come back to this in the future but until then<3
Who should i do next?
151 notes · View notes
mins-fins · 9 hours
Text
pearls.
&&. its easy to let go around you, mark is so glad he has you as an escape.
Tumblr media
pairing: mark lee x m!reader
genre: angsty but it ends fluffy, idol x regular joe
warnings: mentions of overworking
word count: 1.4k
notes: wrote this for the n01 markf ever in the world!!!! if yk who you are, yk who you are 🫶 anw, i am so terribly in love with mark this is absolutely vile 🙁 save me from this insanely pretty canadian man (DONT SAVE ME), if you can forgive me for not updating for literally TEN DAYS, take this as my apology.. i am so so very corny so those little ending love confessions come from real words i have said to my own very real bf 😞 again sorry for not updating for very long my knee is pretty injured AND life is so shitty.. okay i love you all bye 😓
Tumblr media
you won't try to come up for an explanation as to why you were up at one in the morning.
yeah you were tired, but you were still up making coffee in your kitchen. your mind was racing with thoughts of work, god your job stresses you out so much, it's going to end up killing you one day, you can't close your eyes without hearing the loud shouting of your manager and overbearing customers who think they own the world.
sleep has never came easy to you, so coffee at one in the morning it is. the aroma of roasted beans makes it's way around the air of your kitchen, a smell that has become a staple of comfort to you, yeah the excessive coffee intake might kill you someday, but right now? right now you felt like you were in heaven.
your coffee drinking is interrupted by a knock at your day, your head shoots up like your a deer caught in headlights, and you blink at the unmoving wooden door of your unit. you're not expecting anyone, and especially not at one in the morning. your mind races with questions as you place the heated mug onto your kitchen counter, groaning silently as you make your way over to the door.
you can't think of who could possibly be at your door, maybe your manager? one of your coworkers? a guy from amazon delivering a package originally for your neighbors?
the last option seems like the most probable one, so when you open your door, you prepare a small sentence for the delivery person you expect to be at your door. "for the last time unit 17 is on the second floo—"
you pause as you open the door, it is not a random delivery guy from amazon. when you look up to meet the eyes of the person who had knocked on your door, you come face to face with a person you had missed more than anything.
mark.
you find a small smile coming to your face at the sight of your boyfriend, but your smile falls as you take in how he looks. his eyes are red and puffy, he's fidgeting with his sweater strings, and he's bitten his lips so hard that they've begun bleeding. your lips turn downward at the sight before you, he looks stressed, he looks miserable.
"oh god, hi babe, i didn't even know you'd come around".
mark blinks at you, continuing to fidget with the strings of his sweater, the sweater he's wearing is one you bought for him back last year when you went on that trip to vancouver. "sorry" he whispers, blinking again. "i just— i don't know i feel overwhelmed".
you tilt your head, immediately getting what he meant by that. you open your door wider, pausing mark's fidgeting momentarily to grab his left hand to intertwine it with yours. "come in" you don't wait for his response, just tug his hand gently, lurching him forward into your unit and smoothly closing the door behind you.
you catch on to mark's heightened anxiousness, but he seems to be want to be avoiding that topic as much as possible. "did something happen?"
mark is quick to shake his head, way too quick, you narrow your eyes at him and his weird change in behavior. "no, nothing, i'm just.. work, it's all becoming just a little too much for me".
ah, a small frown forms again on your lips. mark is a hardworking person, you know that, but it sometimes all gets to his head, those unbearable thoughts that he's not doing well enough, the unbearable feeling of anxiety that settles whenever he thinks about his future as a musician, the feeling that he's not doing enough even though he already does so much.
you hate that this has become a familiar sight. a distressed mark with tears welled up in his eyes, clearly trying his best to stay put together as he stood in front of your door, each time, it seemed to be getting worse and worse.
you've seen mark at so many of his lows, many more than you like to count, and just the thought of him feeling like he isn't doing enough upsets you.
you're not thinking about anything else when you step forward, not your untouched coffee on the counter, not your shitty job, nothing but making mark feel better. your arms wrap around him instinctively, and you loop your left arm around his waist to pull him into a hug, a hug he doesn't try to fight.
you hear a small sniffle leave mark as you tighten your hold on him, a few years escape his eyes, wetting the top of your sleeve, but you don't care, much too busy embracing him. "i'm sorry, i'm so sorry" your words are nothing but a small whisper in the expanse of your apartment, as if a secret shared only between the two of you, but mark hears your words well, he hears everything he has to. you raise and press a kiss to his forehead, an act of affection that just makes mark even more emotional than he expected.
"you shouldn't have to feel like this, you work so hard, you do so much.."
your mutters only get a small chuckle in response, and you just snicker as well.
mark has always found it easy to let go around you, it's been a staple of your relationship since forever, even before you began dating. around you, he doesn't feel like he has to put on a show, he doesn't have to live up to all of these unrealistic expectations. with you, he doesn't have to be world famous idol mark lee, he doesn't have to be star trainee mark lee, he doesn't have to be perfect, flawless mark lee.
with you, mark can let go, he can just be himself.
mark has no idea what he'd do without you.
when you pull away, arms still caged around mark, he doesn't let go immediately, head still pressed against your shoulder.
nothing else matters at the moment to you. so, instead of trying to move away from him, you let him begin moving you backward, you just allow for him to, lightly squeaking when he pushes you onto the couch and quickly moves to lay on top of you.
you giggle at his dedication, but he doesn't say anything more, just wraps his arms around you and lays his head onto your chest, listening to the beating of your heart. "you tired?"
mark just nods against your chest, letting out a small sigh as he cracks one eye open to glance at you. "y/n?"
"hm?"
"i love you.." he mutters, grabbing your hand and lacing his fingers with yours. "love you so much, i'm so happy i have you".
you laugh. "mark—"
"hush" he places a finger against your lips, cutting off your oncoming words. "let me finish" he gives a tired smile as he continues.
"i can't believe how lucky i am to have you, your always here taking care of me and i.. i can never figure out how to repay you, you're one of the best things to ever happen to me, everything becomes much more bearable with you, i love you so so much it's literally driving me crazy".
you blink as you listen to mark pour his heart out to you. he has always been like this, oh you're so in love, even at some of his lowest points, he never fails to remind you that he loves you, and that he feels so deeply for you. his words always strike you in a strange place, they always get a smile and red face out of you.
oh mark lee always knows how to leave you speechless.
"hey" you whisper, noticing mark slowly looking away from you. "you don't have to repay for me for anything, i'm your boyfriend, i'm always going to look after you because you're wellbeing is important to me, and don't start with all of that, you're one of the best things to happen to me".
mark snorts silently. "love you".
"love you more".
mark leans closer, moving his soft hand against yours. "i know" he whispers.
you run your fingers through his hair, slowly coaxing him to sleep with your ministrations.
"good".
21 notes · View notes
samara444 · 12 hours
Text
when shifting/manifesting starts feeling like a burden/chore.
forcing and trying and wanting to manifest and shift is sooooo hard. i know. its so burdensome, it feels so pathetic, every night trying and wishing and still never having. giving ur so called best but getting no result in return. its heavy and it weighs you down, especially if you have been doing it for years.
but…..no one is asking you to carry this burden. i will say it again, NOOO ONE IS ASKINGG YOUU TO CARRY THIS BURDEN. no one is asking you to TRY to have, to FORCE yourself to feel good, to forceee it to happen. u do not have to affirm a million times and visualise and saturate and meditate and climb mount everest.
it drove me insane everytime i read a shifting success story and all they did was put on a subliminal roll over and they so effortlessly woke up in their DR. i used to try sooo hard oh my god, i used to affirm all day and force myself to count to 100 and stay still, and reach the void and feel good and match the frequency and ugh its just so. much. effort. and then i would wonder how they could shift so easily without doing anything and im here trying so hard without any result.
it took me a while to realise, but efforts is not equal to results. fulfillment is. belief is. more your efforts and “hard work” and “trying” is not equals to success. but more ur belief and trust and faith, more your results.
so many people think of it once and forget about it, i struggled with that for years because this is something i want soo bad how could i have “forgotten about it”, but the truth is you dont have to forget and force yourself to let go and then feel like shit if you dont…..as long as you know its done.
no one is asking you to try so hard, even with the LEAST amount of effort, in the most insanely easy that it seems unreal, the easiest and the most effortless path is what you deserve. let this burden down.
this preconceived notion that society has enstilled that the harder you work you happier you will be. let thatt go. and accept that if you already had it….why would you affirm a million times and force yourself?? it would be effortless already because its already yours. YOU choose. you choose if you have to climb mount everest to shift, or it can be as simple as one affirmation and then waking up in your dr.
give it to yourself. let it be easy for you. And stop trying. have faith that if you have asked it once and given it your all, its enough. living in this conviction and staying true to the unseen is the way to all miracles.
-love, sam <3
22 notes · View notes
lorelaiislatte · 16 hours
Note
Do you think there's a chance a streaming service will pick ncis:h? I've signed the petition but do we dare to hope? I'm tired of this happening all the time. I just dont understand. It was doing fine in ratings and it's a part of a franchise that keeps getting more spin offs? How that makes sense? Do you know the ratings compared with the others ncis shows? Sorry im asking you but im not from usa and i have no idea how american netwoks work. So sad rn.
okay SO i am also not from the us but have done this dance before sooooo:
1) from what i’ve heard, they were planning to move either another ncis show (i think sydney?) or another cbs show to paramount plus - which they now are no longer doing. in theory yes, this opens up the possibility for ncishi to move over there; in practice, i’m not holding my breath, as typically that negotiation would happen before a cancellation announcement
2) how does it make sense? the honest answer is that it doesn’t. like, it really doesn’t. it’s been holding steady at sixth of 14 cbs shows in the ratings (which is a brilliant number, ensures it’s profitable, and is also impressive for a procedural that’s still relatively new). it’s been beating a LOT of other crime procedurals in viewership and viewer retention, and reviewers have been singing its praises. i think this is why it feels so much as if it’s because they just view this show as less valuable (socially and economically) than their usual white guy cop shows; it’s very difficult to argue that your profitable, successful show is too expensive when you’re flying cast and crews across - or, potentially, internationally to - australia, to continue a less-highly-rated show with no issue.
3) as far as ratings go - ncis hawai’i episodes were pulling in as many as 10 million viewers last year (s2 e10 came in with 10.5 mil, as per variety telecast viewership reports) which has it going toe to toe with the core ncis (seems to pull approx. 8-10mil per episode, via hollywood reporter). for the 18-49 demographic across us series, ncis hawaii is ranking at #13 of #21 as per tvseriesfinale.com - this is significantly above ncis sydney (renewed, #15), and elsbeth (#19, renewed), two other cbs shows, one of which in particular is incredibly expensive. crucially, ncishi has actually increased its viewership, which is VERY difficult to do on a year to year basis. its up by 4.18% among 18 to 49 year olds - for comparison the core NCIS is down 0.83% and fbi international - a competing show - is down by 3.73%. bear in mind that even a single percentage point represents hundreds of thousands of viewers.
i also want to point out that ranking at #13 isn’t strictly representative of viewer numbers, it’s about percentage of viewers that are within that core age bracket. the neighbourhood is ranking at #6, but only pulling in 4.8 million viewers - ncishi is at #13, and pulling in 5.2 million. ncishi pulls in over half a million more viewers than four shows ranked above it in that chart.
so essentially - it doesn’t make sense. from any perspective. it doesn’t make sense from a business perspective (ncis sydney is more expensive to produce and brings in approx. 200k less viewers than ncishi, and ncishi crew had already agreed to a shortened, budget-restrained final season), it doesn’t make sense for a ratings perspective (it continues to outperform many of cbs’ own shows, including ones that have been renewed), it doesn’t make sense from a social perspective (people are loving it, even outside of our fandom spaces).
objectively, it’s a really, really bad move by cbs. i also thought being part of a franchise would be a kind of safety net - fool me once, i guess. all the evidence suggests that they just don’t care enough about ncishi, especially when they’ve got their bullshit white guy ncis origins show, a young sheldon spinoff (?? who asked?) and a plethora of other cookie-cutter shows they can just keep going with. and we can make a pretty educated guess as to why, when the main things that set ncishi apart from the other ncis shows are its diversity and character dynamics
(edit: it was pointed out that people aren’t being flown to sydney from the us, which is true, and bad phrasing on my part - but many are flown across australia at seemingly similar costs to mainland us/hawai’i flights, and i believe not all of the leads are based in australia either, so i’ve updated that bit for clarity. apologies!)
24 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
Paring: Toru Oikawa x female reader
Requested: no
Genre: smut, female receiving
Warning(s): cunnilingus, figuring, degradation
Summary: Toru eating out his freeuse slut aka you
Word count: 743
Other works
Beta reader: none
disclaimer: this is my first time writing smut, so dont expect it to be stellar (do lemme know if it was good or not)
a/n: I request each and every one of you to comment on this fic don't be a silent reader it helps me as an author to understand my readers and i would love to communicate with all of you. Constructive criticism is always welcomed by me so do talk about this fic or send me an ask. Plus, if you loved it enough don't forget to reblog, it will help me reach a larger audience.
[permanent taglist] [only for those interested, don’t fill the form otherwise]
-----------------------smut under the cut--------------------------
Oikawa was your pretty cute roommate. You both had met during your college days and as dorm partners and had bonded over time. Now, three years after finishing, you both are still going strong as roomies.
He has settled into his big-boy job of playing volleyball full-time, and you have the most boring nine-to-five ever. Although the big-time celebrity he is, plus the wealth that is flowing into his bank, says he is a richie rich dude, but the boy still refuses to move out, and who are you to say otherwise?
Now, the refusal to move has some ulterior motives, but it's not like you were not aware of that. The man is obsessed with you, more like your pussy, so much so that he refuses to let you have a moment of peace in the house when you both are alone.
The fact that neither of you are in a relationship helps a lot in contributing to it, not like a simple boyfriend would stop the man from bending you over in the most obnoxious place and ramming his cock into you, but surely it would create a bit of hindrance, and no one likes those.
To put it in the most simplest from, you are his personal free-use slut; that’s what you are. You could deny it, but you know it as well as he does, that you'd bend in the middle of a crowded street if he wanted you to.
Not like he actually wanted that to happen, but you get the point. So, as a general rule in the house, it is forbidden for you to wear panties or a bra, not like you liked to do so anyways. He liked having access to your pussy at all times of the day so that he could always take you anywhere and everywhere.
 Just like this time, when he came back from the gym all sweaty and thirsty, for your pussy.
Walking into the house, he looks around for you only to find you on the balcony tending to those basil plants you have started growing a few months ago. Leaving his gym bag on the couch, he strides over to you and without a single word, he pushes you towards the railing of the balcony and, bending down, he settles himself between your legs.
“Been thinking about you all day,” he says from between your legs and without letting you answer, he pulls down your shorts to get the view of your glistening pussy, with its puffy lips.
“Did you play with yourself while I was away?” he asks, looking at you, only for you to let out a flustered whine.
“I just edged myself, Toru, I couldn’t cum,” you say, thoroughly flustered.
“Dumb whore can’t even make herself cum without my cock, that’s what you needed, wasn’t it?” he laughs as you vigorously nod.
Without wasting another moment, he dives into your pussy, licking a long stripe of it and sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body. With each and every lick it becomes even harder for you to keep your voice lower, eventually your screams pierce through the quite evening, making sure to let all the pedestrians know who is eating you out so well.
Latching his face further into your heat, he adds two fingers inside you and immediately starts curling them. Your essence dripping onto his tongue is like heaven, sweeter than any candy he could ever have.
While letting out lewd breathy moans, you grip his hair hard as he keeps abusing your cunt.
“To-toru, ahh-”
“Yes, scream my name, slut, let the world know who makes you go all dumb over his tongue,” he groans.
“Toru, I’m gonna-”
Before you could complete your sentence, the waves of pleasure hit you harder than anything else. With a loud scream of his name, you come all over his face and like a starved man, he drinks you up till the last drop of your cum is gone and you are shaking with overstimulation.
Emerging from between your thighs, he gives your pussy a quick slap, saying, “I'm gonna go take a shower, I expect you to be naked on your knees beside my bed, slut.”
With that, he is out, leaving you to shakily walk into the house towards his bedroom, because what Toru wants he gets, and you are no one to deny him the pleasure he so politely asked you for.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
a/n: again if you have read till the end do tell me how you liked it, and thanks for reading.
32 notes · View notes
skunkes · 5 months
Text
ok posting it here bc im not sure if its going to stay in the doodle page
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
55 notes · View notes
Text
im so mad that this is a side blog account and not a main account. i started this blog when i was still relatively new to tumblr and i think i was… like. fourteen years old or something. i never thought i would continue for this long, and i never knew so many people would like the content i put out here (i have over 9k followers which is literally mind-blowing, like wow….).
because this isnt a main account, i cant respond to replies left on my posts, i cant really reply to anyone unless i reblog !! i cant even follow people with this blog, it just comes up as my main blog (which is not pjo-related… rip my failed attempts at organising my fandoms to different blogs). so my avenues of interaction with a lot of you are seriously impeded.
so i just want to say i am so thankful for all of you, i read every single person’s tags who reblog my stuff, i read all of your replies and every time im crying screaming rolling around on the ground in agony over the fact i CANT REPLY!!
i know my posts are super inconsistent these days, im glad so many are still here! i think i may change some of my content eventually (never gonna get rid of the incorrect quote stuff, i’ll just be adding some other things like pjo headcanons or analyses or something), just to spice some stuff up on here.
61 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months
Text
...
#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing#painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her#i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but#the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach#streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow#im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected#i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes#not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her#how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want#her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest#but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b#so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so#much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming#i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby#unrelated
32 notes · View notes
good-beanswrites · 6 months
Note
Hello! So like I've been having that Lights, Camera, Sing Your Sins AU rent free in my head for a while, and thought this up.
Since the prisoners weren't allowed to meet at first, they could hear the others practicing their singing nearby/next door. Some are awed by how passionate they put into their songs (eg: Haruka & Shidou), how into it (eg: Fuuta & Kotoko), how emotional (eg: Kazui), etc. This allowed the prisoners to imagine what the others are like.
...Then there's Mikoto with Red going all out with their MeMe song and it stunned everyone into silent fear until the prisoners meet him and go "YOU SANG THAT!?!"
I've been going so so crazy over this omg!!
No matter how big the facilities are, I'd imagine it would be difficult to keep ten people undergoing a full filming process completely separate from each other. Though they don't actually see each other, they overhear recording booth sessions while while walking down the hall. They spot unique outfits and props in the costume closet. They hear crew members giving Jackalope weird updates ("sir, where do you want the massive tarot cards when they're finished?" "the order of thousands of fake flowers has arrived" "we ran out of medieval outfits" etc.) They see teams lugging around massive set pieces from one stage to another. They hear a few hushed rehearsals from behind dressing room doors.
Mahiru totally tears up listening to Kazui. Meanwhile Kazui is blown away by Mahiru's enthusiasm and speed. Yuno thinks After Pain sounds really fun. Amane is awed at the other songs, (she's never even heard rock music before). Kotoko finds herself singing bits of Weakness. Muu is moved by Shidou. Fuuta is torn between being jealous of Mikoto's song and excited there's someone else with some yelling.
And so of course, the prisoners go crazy trying to piece together predictions about their upcoming cellmates. One the experiment begins, they subconsciously start matching up the voices they remembered hearing with their expectations. I think Shidou, Amane, and Kotoko would surprise people the most -- it seems hard hard to get a day-to-day read on them from their songs alone. Fuuta is simultaneously exactly what people were expecting and nothing like what they thought. Everyone's ideas of Mahiru were spot on. Haruka sang so confidently that the group is surprised to hear him stutter so often. Anyone who heard a bit of Meme is shocked when they meet Mikoto and make the connection. When asked about it, he just shrugs and laughs innocently, which only makes it harder to believe. Fuuta, excited to find someone else who did a rock song, is sorely disappointed at first.
34 notes · View notes
seraphiism · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
𓆩 ღ 𓆪 𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐚
( i hope your dream won't just be left as a dream. )
Tumblr media
chara : alhaitham fandom : genshin impact quote cr : agust d a/n : i must be honest . i have no idea what i wrote (ノ `Д`) ノ. focuses on alhaitham's past, might be ooc
Tumblr media Tumblr media
prologue : ( the absence ) of dreams.
there is a place where knowledge survives in the depths of the world, its roots far and wide : agile, ubiquitous, resilient. how it fosters progressive growth and brilliant minds, sets the driving force for discovery and beyond.
there is a place where knowledge remains stagnant in the depths of the world, its roots damaged and decomposed : devitalized. dying. dead. how it fosters an insatiability and never ending greed, sets the expectations for discovery to come and go with such ease.
in this place, dreams are stolen away, only witnessed by youth. because there is always something to be learned in these visions, they'll say, because they'll stretch the truth, make something out of nothing ; they'll find a way to justify the theft of one's mind and soul and spirit intertwined in the manifestation of reverie, and you would have never known.
in this place, a scribe thrives, mind sharp and knowledgeable. in this place, a loneliness grows up and distances himself from the rest, finds that solitude has always been a friend first and foremost.
in this place, the foundation of wisdom and greater things-- home, alhaitham learns to dream again.
prologue , revisited : ( the absence ) of dreams , the absence of what could have been.
alhaitham remembers little of his childhood ; ask him of his origins and he will remember seldom through first-hand experience. they won't question it, not too much-- because oh, well-- it's hard to remember those things when you're so young, and they'll leave it at that because that's normal, isn't it? to be forgetful of a time where you knew so little, knew only how to rely on others and how to breathe and live and survive through the hand that feeds.
they'll leave it at that, but even if they didn't, he doesn't think he would mind. perhaps there is a distant sadness that survives in the crevices of the heart, never learning to fade in years past, and maybe that's just part of the human equation. he doesn't think about it much. no need to, after all.
yes, they'll leave it at that, blame the lack of memories in youth from age. they won't know that he lost his parents too early, lost something he never quite had, because can you really say you had something when it slipped out of your grasp so quickly and so soon? alhaitham finds some semblance of logic in that, but maybe that's selfish. of course he had his parents. he is sure that he loved them and he is sure that they loved him. maybe it is easier to cope somehow with these thoughts, even if there may be some cruelty in it.
perhaps he does miss his parents, after all, even if he understands that sometimes, it is hard to miss what you never had.
chapter one : the first dream.
it's an ordinary sunday and the room is white. look out the window and there's sunlight to be found, and what a beautiful sight it is, but what a frightening realization it is : it reaches and reaches, begging, but it never reaches the room, obstructed by the glass.
alhaitham doesn't know what it means. he doesn't know how he remembers that it's sunday, doesn't know why this place is familiar. it's cold. he doesn't think he's afraid, but this feeling that creeps up his spine deems an unrest, but he'll call it uncertainty, because there's always an explanation for everything, but even he cannot find the answers to what lies before him.
it is a vast space, endless, but he continues anyway. the path is tiresome, progress indistinguishable in the white. the sunlight stays, too. there is something to be found here. liminal space or not, he continues forth. the unrest brews. something in him trembles, but he walks, anyway.
endless. unforgiving. endless. unfamiliar. an undesired forever, the tiring of self, the burning in one's limbs, the extinction of energy, then --
a faint orange and yellow. alhaitham glances at the windows now, finds that the sunlight has found its way to the place where it belongs. he walks again. the orange and yellow hues grow with each step ; the cold slowly dissipates, and in his trek, it is almost like he is unearthing a life. he doesn't run, no, but part of him wants to, because there is something to be found here, but he doesn't. not yet.
the colors flood in. the white becomes something unforgotten, summons everything else in its absence. there is something that lies at the end -- he can see it -- it is something so terribly familiar but not known, so he runs and he runs and he runs until he becomes of close proximity, then he stops.
there is something to be found : a memory, a happiness, a sorrow.
it is almost a vision of some sort-- a strange sight, the image of himself. he doesn't move, frozen in place. he wonders what sort of expression he wields.
because before him, there is a happy family. a mother and father, one with the same shade of gray hair, another with the same shade of green eyes. it's a tranquil scene, and he cannot make out what is being said, but there are smiles on their faces as they look down at the child the mother holds.
he swallows hard. he does not know what to make of this. he takes a deep breath, shuts his eyes, almost smiles at the sound of distant laughter, and wonders if this is a dream. if it is, then this is not reality -- so he can find distance from this, somehow, and release himself from the fear and confusion of the unknown.
yes, perhaps this is a dream. maybe this is a memory of when his parents first brought him home.
his eyes feel heavy. he opens them anyway, witnesses the blooming of a newfound love and joy. he smiles a bittersweet smile and wonders if he will remember this when he wakes.
chapter one , aftermath : the first dream.
alhaitham wakes with a racing heart. he blinks, stares absentmindedly at the ceiling. he remembers bits and pieces of something; it lingers on the tip of his tongue, threatens to be forgotten. he should remember. he knows it was something very dear to him.
his heart slows eventually. he doesn't move. he has to remember, but the pillow under his head and the warmth of your body slowly lull him back to slumber, threaten to bring him under and free him of a lost memory on the verge of discovery.
"that's not sleeping."
he snaps from his train of thought at your mumbling. you don't think much of it at first; alhaitham is such a light sleeper that the smallest movement would wake him, but there is something different about his countenance that piques your curiosity.
"you okay?"
he looks at you, almost uncertain-- an expression you rarely see from your lover, but he nods before his gaze returns to the ceiling. he looks more perplexed than anything, deep in thought, and you almost want to press the issue, but you don't.
"i dreamt."
the knowing of dreams is no longer a shocking revelation nowadays, but even so, the restoration of them is a celebration. you do not remember yours too often, but when you do, you write them down, knowing that the recovery of such a vision should be cherished. you wonder if this is the first time he remembers his.
you wonder if it was peaceful. you wonder what it is that brings him uncertainty : the dream itself, or the ability to dream once again.
"was it a good one?" your voice is quiet. careful.
silence. the wind is a gentle breeze outside, barely heard. alhaitham inhales deeply, turns on his side to face you. it's almost instinct that your hands meet, palm against palm, and he smiles gently when he compares his hands to yours.
"it was." he laces his fingers with yours. "i dreamt of my parents."
even in the moonlit darkness, you feel the kindness in his gaze. you squeeze his hand, feel that lump in your throat when you remember his past hardships.
"i'm glad." your lips brush against his knuckles, grateful. "i hope you dream of them again."
chapter two : the second dream.
it's an ordinary sunday and the room is already filled with sunlight. alhaitham recognizes this, surrounded by rays of tenderness and warmth, and knows this to be yet another dream. he wonders if it will be different than before. he is reminded of that endless loop of dreams, understands them to be both wanted and unwanted, but he recalls the first dream, knows that to relive such a sight would be most welcome.
he walks. the path is vast once again, but there is hope in his stride. this time, there is a familiar shade of green and white that fills his vision. distant figures. he walks, anyway.
before him there are two people. one wields that same shade of gray, but this time, it is through age, and the other--
alhaitham suddenly feels an ache. the other is a young child. the other is him, an orphan, an outcast. he sits next to his grandmother, bright curiosity and intrigue in his eyes as she reads to him. a day like any other, he remembers, but special, nonetheless.
he smiles a bittersweet smile. dreams are not always beautiful, and even if this one hurts, it still is.
he swallows hard, takes a deep breath, closes his eyes. somewhere in the distance, he hears his grandmother's laughter when his younger self asks for yet another story.
one more, she'll say, he imagines, and she does.
he smiles a bittersweet smile. something aches so terribly.
he should wake soon.
chapter two , aftermath : the second dream.
"alhaitham?"
alhaitham wakes with a racing heart. there is something wrong-- there must be with the way you look at him, eyes wide and filled with worry. your fingers linger on his wrist, frantic pulse known by your touch. he doesn't quite understand, slumber weakly holding onto consciousness, and it is only when he feels something trail down his face that he truly wakes.
rare is it that he sheds tears. in truth, he remembers the last time he cried, dressed in all black, vision blurred. a burial site. words of comfort unheard, muffled. forgotten.
how many apologies did he hear until they meant nothing?
"love--" you grab his wrist, gentle, slowly ease him back to the present. "are you--" you pause, take a deep breath, ease the tension from your shoulders. there are only so many times you can ask someone if they're okay, so you don't. another deep breath. "i'm here with you."
you have never seen alhaitham in such a state, never seen him cry. although he may not actively be distressed, the baffled countenance he fails to keep at bay says more than enough. with a soothing touch, you wipe the tears away, notice how quick they are to stop. alhaitham doesn't say much, tells you that he's alright, thanks you for your comfort.
you don't ask what he dreamt of, but there is something very lonely in the way he holds you that night.
he is afraid to fall asleep. he does not know if he desires yet another memory in slumber.
what a very selfish thought to have. he is sorry.
chapter three : the third dream.
it's a special sunday and the room is white, but already is it filled with warmth and daylight. he recognizes this place, knows it to be one of many celebrations. there is no journey, no endless trek. he is right where he needs to be. the scene is different this time. he is not a spectator ; instead, he is here, now, in this moment.
around him, there is endless chatter. he imagines he would enjoy the quiet more, but this time is different -- it almost brings relief to his heart, brings a lightness to it. around him are familiar companions-- a certain forest ranger, a known eremite-- ah, there's kaveh, crying and mumbling a thousand congratulations that aren't quite coherent.
and right before him, there is you ; your hands in his, both adorned with silver bands. you look beautiful, is his first thought, and he wonders if he said it out loud, given the way you smile so brightly at him.
this is a dream. it is a beautiful one, and it is one that he hopes will come true one day.
alhaitham smiles back, kisses you with all the love in the world.
he will wake up soon. he wishes he could hold onto this dream for a little bit longer, but that's okay, because when he wakes, you'll be at his side.
chapter three , aftermath : the third dream.
"i dreamt of you."
your normal routine goes this way : annoying alarm, the impending doom of the workday, and the useless means of avoidance by burying yourself deeper into the sheets until alhaitham drags you out of bed. sometimes he kisses your head in a silent greeting, sometimes he wishes you a good morning.
this, you think, is very much new, and probably the fastest way he's ever woken you up.
"oh." you stare at the ceiling before you roll over and look at him. "good morning to you, too."
worry is your first instinct-- given the nature of his previous dreams, you do not know what to expect. the visions the dreamscape blesses him with are both nostalgic and gut-wrenching, sorrow laced with catharsis.
"good morning." like clockwork, he raises his hand, lips curling faintly when you press yours against his.
"gonna share with the class?"
"the class should practice patience." he chuckles at your mildly annoyed expression, wonders how you will react to his thoughts. "i dreamt that we got married."
you freeze at those words, eyes wide, brows knit ever so slightly as you try to comprehend the words. he says it so casually, the topic of marriage. dream or not, the mere thought of a future together for the rest of your lives brings a sense of serenity, though your expression doesn't quite reflect it at the moment.
alhaitham finds it endearing.
"i would like to remember that dream for a long time."
you shake yourself out of stupor, ignore the way your face practically feels like it's the sun itself.
"tell me more about it."
"kaveh was crying."
"okay, and?"
he hums, thoughtful.
"you looked beautiful."
"oh? sounds like a good dream."
your response is nonchalant, though it is betrayed by the blithe smile that graces your lips at the thought of what that day would be like. alhaitham's gaze is filled with an incredible fondness as he looks at you, wonders when that day will come.
"yes, it was. i'd like to make it real."
oh. you wonder how he can manage to say such a thing so casually-- one would almost think he was discussing the weather. you blink, speechless. you almost want to ask if he's joking , though you know he's entirely serious when he says that, but still--
"okay." there is no hesitation in your words. "i'll marry you, alhaitham."
he almost seems surprised himself-- a spark of shock that quickly dies down into mild relief buried in amusement.
"that isn't my official proposal."
you lace your fingers together, press a kiss against his knuckles.
"i know." your words are barely above a whisper now, almost sacred, but he hears them loud and clear. "but whenever or however you do it, i'll say yes, you know."
of course he knows. always has. he squeezes your hand before pulling you closer, lips meeting in quiet euphoria and promise.
somewhere, there is a place where dreams are deemed part of one's soul once more, unraveling and uncovering the most vulnerable parts of the spirit. in this place, alhaitham dreams once more, memories revived and revisited.
in this place, alhaitham dreams of a happily ever after with you, and someday, you will relive that dream together, and it will be wonderful.
118 notes · View notes
marsbotz · 1 year
Note
Saw your tag saying FSM haters come fight you. Here I am! Frankly I'm not so much of a hater as I am just of the opinion "wow this guy sure Started All This Shit" but I'm absolutely willing to hear your view of the matter if you're willing to share! Love some Friendly Fandom Discourse (it's healthy tbh) come at me bro 👊 👊 👊
HI LOL.... my personal opinion is that the FSM gets a lot of hate for similar reasons to wu (which i also think are unjustified but that's a different post). like you said he gets a lot of the blame put on him for starting everything that's to come in the show, but i don't really feel like he intended to do any harm.
the FSM was born into a war. when he was still a very young child, he was forced to choose one side of himself, of his family, and destroy the other. and so he ran away. but this world he runs to is chaotic and dangerous. and so again, he is forced to fight for the right to live in peace along with the inhabitants of this world.
but even in this new world, he wasn't safe: the oni followed him, determined to bring him back to fight for them. and after them, the overlord. his whole life, especially when he was younger, he had been fighting, or running from forces that aimed to destroy him.
i believe the FSM was incredibly paranoid throughout his life, worrying that at any moment everything would be ripped away from him. this can be seen in how secretive he was, how much of his history is hidden away. the mech used to win the war against the overlord was sealed away where it could never be found. he granted elemental powers to select people to help keep him safe. even in his death, he hid away, in a place that even wu could not find.
this paranoia carries on through his sons. he taught them both to fight, to protect themselves, when they were also very young. one of the earliest moments we see of them is them fighting with swords! and though he loves them, they are not immune to his secrecy, or his fears. when they steal the scrolls and enter the serpentine territory, he never fully trusts them again. when garmadon gets bitten and starts to turn to evil, he's desperate to cure him. and i don't fully believe that the FSM intended to make garmadon feel broken or "wrong"... just that his fear has so consumed him at this point that he can't see the damage he's doing to his children.
it's also worth noting that despite garmadon's corruption, the FSM never truly hated him. he was left to protect the golden weapons alongside wu, he recieved the same protective enchanted gi, and was left the same clues to find him after his death. it's just that garmadon was unable to see this through the corruption (which is another post).
perhaps all he did was to protect his sons. that seems to be how wu sees it, at least. because wu repeats this same behaviour with the ninja, even if unintentionally. he brings these kids into a war because that happened to him, and his father before him. maybe he doesn't even realise it's wrong. he hides things from them not only because because he's ashamed of his past (again, another post lol), but because his father always hid things from him. it protects wu, but it also protects the ninja.
i don't believe the FSM was a flawless person. hes one of many grey characters in ninjago, and to boil down everything he did to "good" or "bad" is a disservice. maybe you see him as someone who only ever ran from problems instead of truly solving them, maybe you see him as a cruel and neglectful father. and maybe those are both true. but he's also someone who always tried to fight for peace, for himself and everyone in ninjago, and someone who truly loved his sons, despite the damage he did to them both.
so that's who i think the FSM was. an immortal, all powerful godlike being, yes, but also a scared child who just wanted to live peacefully, and would do anything to prevent another war. and maybe he is, in some way, indirectly responsible for every bad thing in the show, but i think this is more of an after-effect of the countless wars and conflict. he did the best he could, and considering all he went through, i think he did alright.
68 notes · View notes
I LOVE going everywhere by bike. Don't need to wait for a bus. Don't need to cram myself into a bus with (urgh) people. Or even worse, what feels like every single student in town. I still get home in about the same amount of time. I'm so so flexible including with places. Like yeah sure, let's go there! I don't care if the next bus station is far away. Doesn't matter to me.
Stayed out late with friends recently. Two of em had to get their family to come pick them up because that's too far to walk and it was too late for buses. A different friend lives like 30 minutes away but always walks and their way goes through a small park where literally no one is at with few lanterns so it's pitch black and I could literally just walk them home and then take the bike which is faster and has its own light and feels and probably is safer than walking those dark ass streets at night alone.
Like. I can just do all that. And yeah, sometimes when I'm not doing too well I feel like collapsing afterwards and yeah, maybe my fingers feel like falling off a lot at this time of year but that's like. SO worth it. I have no idea how people can live and NOT go everywhere by bike. Like if it's more than 20-30 minutes maybe but even with hills.... I fucking love my bike.
#a biscuit's rambles#also i just love going out with friends til late??#with the lockdown and shit that is such an entirely new experience and its great#also i like feeling useful i think. i like walking a friend home knowing ill definitely get home safe#idk#i also like my bike. a lot#been taking it literally every single day for years now and i have no regrets#EXCEPT FOR THOSE FUCKING PEDESTRIANS THAT HEAR MY BELL AND DO NOT FUCKING MOVE#AND THE OTHER BIKES THAT JUST DONT RING THEIR BELLS OR NOT EVEN HAVE ANY#LIKE THEN YOU GOTTA AT LEAST YELL AT PEOPLE TO MOVE OVER YOU NUMBNUT#A BIKE IS QUIET THEY DO NOT HEAR YOU THEY WILL NOT MOVE OVER MAGICALLY#AND IM STUCK BEHIND YOU#ALSO ITS JUST ASSHOLE BEHAVIOUR LIKE SOMEITMES WARNING SOMEONE SO THEY KEEP TO THE BLOODY SIDE IS GOOD!!!#and dont even get me STARTED ON SOME OF THE CARS#MUCH LESS THE STUPID ASS FUCKING INFRASTRUCTURE OF MY TOWN#ITS LIKE THEY WANT BIKES TO BE RUN OVER#fun fact i have been run over before#just fuckin collided with a car#nobody would listen to me try to pick apart the details of how it felt#which was probably my way of trying to cope with that experience lol#though nothing serious happened. bUT STILL#also oh god that one stupid fucking street with those stupid ass cars NOBODY NEEDS A CAR THERE JUST BAND HTEM ALREADY#AND THE. THE FUCKIGN ROADWORKS#I CAN NOT REACH MY SCHOOL WITHOUT ALMOST BEING EITHER HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A HUGE SHOVEL OR RUN OVER BY A TRUCK#AND IF THATS NOT THE CASE THEN THERES SO MANY FCKING PEOPLE THAT EVEN IF I YELL AT THEM LIKE MAD I CANT GET PAST WITHOUT RUNNING SOMEONE#THROUGH MYSELF#im very passionate about all things bike. but thinking abt it is a huge part of my life so im allowed to be
8 notes · View notes
gifti3 · 1 day
Text
I dont really keep up with when events will happen in deepspace, so its always a potential surprise when i open the app
7 notes · View notes
frecklystars · 8 months
Text
i know nobody is online rn to read this but ;-; i gotta get it off my chest i love ken so much he means everything to me he's making me so happy and i've needed him so so so bad. he's brought me comfort when my ptsd has been so fucking unbearable and every time i'm having a crying fit over losing my tf f/os or every time i'm having a flashback i ALWAYS immediately IMMEDIATELY think about him rushing to my side, holding me and saying "hey hey it's okay, i'm here, i'm right here" and it's such a relief because i haven't been able to genuinely wholeheartedly believe any character would be willing to do that for me the entire time i've been struggling this year.
i've never gone so long without comfort from f/os, much less being triggered by the ones who used to comfort me the most. so to have barbie and ken right now is like the biggest wave of relief every single day when i wake up and the hyperfixation is still there. sometimes i will literally close my eyes and sigh in relief when i hear a song and my first thought is sebastian or ken or six or... whomever. i love being in love again. i NEED this. i love waking up and my first thought isn't my trauma most of the time now, it's ken. or it's six. or it's barbie. or it's harley. or it's officer k. or it's... yeah you get it. i needed these characters so fucking badly. every time i see a gifset and get excited over it, i feel a rush of gratitude bc self shipping has always been the glue holding me together. it doesn't feel as intense or strong as the SB musical or TF used to make me feel but i am not picky. not at all. i will take anything and i'm praying this lasts for at LEAST another few weeks please
i may not be at a sense of peace right now and i dont know when i ever will be, it could be years, but im so. so. so. so so so thankful to have these characters right now when i've needed someone so badly for so long. i hope ken knows how much i love him ;-; i hope barbie knows how much she has helped me, has saved me from one of my major triggers and has helped me to love and feel safe around the color pink again. i wish they could see me when i'm not so broken but i'm glad they're here even when i'm at my worst, i'm glad they still love me even when they deserve to see me in a much better light
#it feels so fucking terrible not celebrating my bday with my starlight. i used to buy myself cakes and put his figurine next to them#i mean i still have... a little bit over one week... i cant... let it pass by without him being involved somehow#so i might make a quick vent doodle and queue it for the actual day of my bday#i refuse to not draw myself with him at least once for my special day#its not like we 'broke up' or anything but fuck it feels so bad#he's a literal fucking ptsd trigger. how fucking insane is that#im still in shock. im still in shock over what happened to me like i cant fucking believe it#wearing his necklace makes me cry so i just leave it on my dresser#that shouldnt be normal!!!!#but im hoping that shipping with barbie/ken is going to help me feel like i can reclaim control over my ships#bc my abuser made me feel like... i had no control over my TF ships whatsoever for a solid year#so now that i'm finally free of that toxicity i'm still shakily trying to learn how to ship again#i'll have moments where i'll worry ken will try to hurt me on purpose bc im so used to my abuser telling me how abusive any f/o would be#but then i tell myself 'hey what the fuck. this is MY story. NOBODY would abuse me i dont care WHO they are'#but it's so hard to unlearn several months of abuse 😔#and even harder to look at a character who i invested so much time and energy and money into#my voice clips. my cameos. all of my steve blum autographs. my art for steve. all of it feels sad and numbing#not just stsc but everyone in any TF universe feels like... a threat and i get panic attacks when i see very specific characters sometimes#its awful. it hurts so bad. i love ken so much. but nothing compares to what i had with my TF comfort characters#but it's okay bc... ken is holding my hand and he might not understand ptsd at all but he can still squeeze me tight#and six HAS c-ptsd he GETS it. and he's there to hold me when my nightmares make me fall apart. he's my rock#vent#ptsd#sorry it's 5am i had a bad nightmare and now i refuse to sleep again#i fucking hate ptsd i fucking hate living like this i rly wish i knew how to cure myself#im exercising im eating and drinking often im sleeping as much as i can#theres only so much i can do#when does it get better?? when the fuck does it get better? im serious. not rhetorical. when does this finally heal#i dont even know if im healing or if im just distracted... but fuck ill take anything
20 notes · View notes
silenthillbunni · 1 month
Text
🐁☁️🌫️
#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant#nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it#it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer#ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know#it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are#but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom#bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park#i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that#i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none#my sisters havent talked for me in over a year#and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w#nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao#i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots#i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol?????#im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay#and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like#when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!!#im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing?#other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing?????#and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things#i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))
7 notes · View notes