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#i don't want to spin real humans in my mind lol
bloody-wonder · 2 months
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Top 5 recent films? Or Top 5 ships or Top 5 sci-fi books? Choose whichever you feel most like answering :)
thanks :D i'm gonna do top 5 ships🚢
currently freaking obsessed with radioapple (aka alastor/lucifer from hazbin hotel). my preferred dynamic is summarized in this sentence from no hiding place down here by ReminiscentBells: "The revelation that Lucifer has developed some nonsensical interest in Alastor, carnally speaking, is abstractly intriguing." fellas isn't it entertaining when the king of hell gets a massive crush on your very aroace self?? what to do! lol i also like keelywolfe's take on their relationship which is a classic hate sex to frenemy fuck buddies to uh oh feelings territory
andreil (all for the game) - my forever otp. i don't read andreil fics anymore but the tumblr fandom keeps on giving beautiful art of my boys, love to see it on my dash every day😌
felix/mildmay (doctrine of labyrinths). so here's the thing. i need at least one person in the ship to not be romantically and/or sexually attracted to the other person. mildmay has feelings for felix but they're of a secret third kind - as they should be. it's about the utter pornography of unconditional love - love being ???? so yeah, i love the way their story ends in the books but i also love going on ao3 and reading the nasty. i hope more aroace people discover these books bc they're secretly aroace agenda and i hope some of those people are fic writers bc i really need more smutfic where mildmay remains entirely sexually unattracted to felix
viravos (the dragon prince) - lol this one kinda snuck its way into my faves, i keep returning to it whenever i want some quality toxic old men yaoi. can't believe they soooort of made it canon in the most crackfic kind of way - and yet aaravos is still in the fucking mirror jail (and therefore barely in the show)🤦‍♀️
can't choose between wangxian (another forever otp), doumeki/yashiro (the most excruciating slow burn with no resolution in sight) and sangwoo/jaeyoung from semantic error the manhwa (if both of them have to be allo at least make one of them autistic lol give me something to work with)
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when i tell you i am frothing at the mouth reading through your metas. oh my god. obsessed with everything you have to say. we seem to have a few of similar opinions and theories regarding dazai and i love it. he’s my absolute favorite character in the series and second favorite character out of fiction overall and i just LOVE what you have to say about him so much!! your theory on him being the book’s seal? BRILLIANT oh my god so interesting. i’ve never had any real reason for it nor specific idea of why they’re wealthy, but just today i was talking to a friend about how i’ve always kind of had a feeling that he grew up wealthy, and so when i saw the one of him being the son of mafia benefactors it caught my eye so fast. i just have this image in mind?? as him as a young child, right after the war ended — maybe he’s 11 or 12? — sitting silently in the back of a full classroom, maybe at a private school (his parents are neglectful, always having had preferred to send him away rather than raise him), observing all of his classmates with an apathetic expression on his face. he doesn’t fit in with them; he never has. always excluded, and most of the time, it’s of his own accord. he doesn’t feel like them, doesn’t understand why they are just so… different from him. he often is punished by his parents for it, the purposeful seclusion and all the things that come along with it, because despite the fact that they neglect their other duties as parents, they never forget to punish him. omg i’m getting so carried away describing this i’m rambling again LOL sorry!!!! -from, frog!
Hello Frog! :)
Sorry this took me so long to reply! I'm really glad you're enjoying my analyses, and that you shared your thoughts with me!
Dazai is a really fascinating character. For all that we follow him in the story closely and get to see what he was like and how he changed at different ages, he's very much still a mystery. It makes it really fun to theorize.
The "he had a wealthy family who were probably associated with the Mafia" comes from three places:
He's stated to not be an orphan in Fifteen, or connected to Mori in any way before their agreement. But he had to be someone, or some random 14 year old wouldn't make any sense as a key witness whose word would be believed by the Mafia.
He clearly knew the Old Boss and vice versa, but he's apparently never seen death up close before, nor was he a part of the Mafia. That doesn't make it seem like he's the Old Boss' son or grandson or anything. Maybe he was a nephew, for Hamlet reasons. (That actually might work, considering irl Dazai wrote his own spin on Hamlet... food for thought!)
Oba Yozo's backstory in No Longer Human, as an alienated young boy who couldn't seem to feel or understand the importance of the things his wealthy family placed importance on, and so disguised his true feelings and fear of being "found out" by clowning to make everybody laugh. (Overly simplified, but I don't want to get too into it in case you haven't read it. The author also came from a wealthy family, so I feel pretty confident about this take on his backstory!)
If you enjoy Dazai backstory theorizing, @daz4i has some good headcanons. You've already read mine, but I've since written the first chapter of a fic called Clear Eye on ao3, which does kind of go into my own interpretation of it. There's also lots of other theories out there that are worth a look!
And of course, maybe you have written something yourself in this span of time... (if you have, please let me know!)
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glyhpsrfvckincol · 10 months
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If you don't mind the asking, what requests are in your inbox ATM?
Of course!
( 1. ) Hello! Can I request a platonic Luz and Camila Noceda x reader where after they take reader in from foster care, they have to deal with her trying to start fires? Not in the house, but they go outside, gather up sticks and paper, and just set it on fire. I apologise if this goes against what your comfortable with! Thank you if you do! 🙏
↳ Requested; 12th February, 2023
( 2. ) Could you do Belos x male reader where they meet in the tide pools episode and Belos is just absolutely in love?
↳ Requested; 17th February, 2023
( 3. ) Hi! not sure if rqs are open (feel free to ignore or delete this if you want)
But could you write hcs, for Alador Blight x gn!reader, who collects little trinkets, like rocks, shiney things and what not? and the reader will just give him one as a gift randomly?
sorry if its bland lol, i js love alador :D
↳ Requested; 7th March, 2023
( 4. ) Hai again um my doesn't include any spoilers either cuz I have no motivation to finish the show lmao
Could you do a small fic with Hawks x gn!reader where reader has constant nosebleeds, lack of vision, no motivation to even get out of bed and when they do the workd feels like its spinning and dizziness/lightheadedness when theyre standing for to long that even the smallest brush of wind could knock them over.
This has been going on with me for a little bit over 2 years now and me nor my aunt (who's a nurse) knows what's going on with me and I've fainted many times because of it, and Keigo is one of my biggest comfort charcters and it's embarrassing but him kinda being there when this is happening is just is oddly calming lmao
And yeah you are my go-to! Your writing is absolutely amazing and I always find myself scrolling on your page on repeat! You have great works! :))
↳ Requested; 30th March, 2023
( 5. ) HIIIII!! I was wondering if you could request a Jealous Hunter x reader headcanon or scenario. Whichever you want. Maybe something with the reader having a flirty/touchy friend and Hunter does not like that at all. Or something else if you want! Thank you for reading this if you do!
↳ Requested; 1st April, 2023
( 6. ) My mind is broken after the finale so excuse me if this is cringey
Could you maybe do a Eda and Raine with a baby/child!reader where after the battle (this takes place during that time skip sequence) and the reader is seen all alone so Eda and Raine adopts them?
Reada is canon let’s go
↳ Requested; 9th April, 2023
( 7. ) Could you do luz and amity(seperate) with a human that has been in the boiling for a while and has had to get by being a conman and aren't proud of it.
↳ Requested; 10th April, 2023
( 8. ) Can I request headcanons of The Collector with a Reader who doesn't fear him and decides to be they big brother/sister? He deserves a better happy ending I'm sorry 🥲
Thank you!
↳ Requested; 10th April, 2023
( 9. ) Okay sso like many others, my mind is still processing the finale lol. I just want some parent Raine. Any headcanons on what Raine would call King, stepparent Raine for the win
↳ Requested; 10th April, 2023
( 10. ) Any headcanons on what terms of endearment Hunter calls Willow?
↳ Requested; 11th April, 2023
( 11. ) Hiii! Ik this is kinda a cliche request but may I request some head cannons for Hunter with a human S/O (maybe a friend of Luz? It’s up to you) who likes to sing? Thank you!!!
↳ Requested; 12th April, 2023
( 12. ) Hiii! If it’s alright, may I request some general Eddie Blight dating head canons? Thank you :D
↳ Requested; 19th April, 2023
( 13. ) Hi! Hope your having a nice day! could I request a Hunter x Shapeshifter!reader just some hcs of Hunter w a reader who can turn into different animals and mimic people/voices and uses said abilities to be a menace and cause chaos just cuz they can no real reasoning behind it it’s just fun.
Also here’s some ideas I’ve had about reader for if you do choose to do this request that might help!
-> I feel like reader would probably be able to change their body to be able to take on like a half form of things so like they could give them-self ears or like wings (I personally rlly like wings) and depending on if they have a ‘Main form’ of sorts they could probably have some of the features of that thing like idk enhanced hearing or their good at being quiet/Sneaky.
-> Also I imagine that they might get like aches if they haven’t done it in a long while just based on the fact that in a way it’s like changing your bones/Bone structure if that makes sense so if they do it too much (Like an unhealthy amount like every single day for hours on end) Or haven’t done it in a long time they’d get aches n stuff
->They would probably use smaller/Quieter forms to scare/sneak up on people
-> I also just wanted to quickly mention that they might have a ‘main form’ that’s kinda just like the thing they first ever turned into and is something they turn into when they don’t rlly think about it
If not that’s fine too! Thanks for reading my request :]
↳ Requested; 21st April, 2023
( 14. ) I saw in your sensitivity HC’s that you bc Hunter has a mommy kink and I was hoping you could elaborate on that more? NSFW? If you’re comfortable of course if not then please direct me to a list of rules so I can refrain from making you uncomfy again ❤️
↳ Requested; 21st April, 2024
( 15. ) hi hi!! hope ur doing well ^^ can i request some headcanons for luz and hunter? so in my head this would take place when the gang is trapped in the human world but ya know do whatever’s fun or makes the most sense. reader is like one of one luz’s few human school friends, and maybe they see Hunter around town with luz sometimes start like, developing a crush on him ya know? so they start asking luz about him and its like OBVI theyre like sorta into him even though they haven’t actually? talked? and they aren’t ASKING to talk to him either, they’re being avoidant in a very “teenage crush” way, but maybe they start asking luz to put in a good word for them, or asking what he likes or like asking luz to give him stuff for them. just their general reactions would be fun!! sorry if this is too much lol
↳ Requested; 24th April, 2023
( 16. ) Hey um. If rq are open Will you pretty please do a Hunter x Wild Witch!Reader, who specializes in Beast Keeper magic? They know the ins-and-outs of all the little (and big) critters of the Boiling Isles, and whenever they see something, they just go "NEW FRIEND!! MUST PET!!" So Hunter is VERY concerned for their well-being.
"Will you PLEASE leave the WILD GRIFFIN alone?!" "But he needs head scritches!! Griffins can't reach their heads!! :<" "... Just be careful. Please." -A convo that happens every week other week
Love your work btw<3
↳ Requested; 6th May, 2023
( 17. ) Hiii I love your writing 🫶 could you do hexsquad like reactions to seeing you again after they returned from the human realm?
↳ Requested; 23rd May, 2023
( 18. ) Hi! 💕
Can I request a fluffy headcanon about Fluff relationship (Friends to Lovers) with his shy!female!human!reader for Hunter (TOH)? Please??
↳ Requested; 24th May, 2023
( 19. ) Hello! 😊
Can I request a fluffy headcanon about hugs and hand-holdings with his shy!female!human!reader for Hunter (TOH)? I live for flustered and touch-starved Hunter! 💕 Please??
↳ Requested; 24th May, 2023
( 20. ) Hello! ✨
Can I request a long fluffy/comfort&hurt oneshot with prompts: "Hey-y, hey, don't cry. It's okay. C'mon, come sit under the blanket with me.", "Everything hurts. Being with you is the only good thing in the world anymore, Y/n.", "Just stay a little longer. Please, Y/n." and [She gives her gentle kisses on his tear-stained cheeks for comfort] about his shy!female!human! reader comforts Hunter (TOH)in her room at Eda's home for Hollow Mind aftermath? 😭💕
Hint: Hunter quickly decided to stay with his shy!female!human!reader in her bedroom because he trusted her so much and she is his safe place too.
I really live for flustered Hunter! 💗 Please??
↳ Requested; 24th May, 2023
( 21. ) Hi! 😊
Can I request a long fluffy oneshot with prompts: "Um, C-can I touch your ears, p-please? B-because your ears are so extremely adorable, Hunter.” and “G-go on..I don’t m-mind at all, y/n” about what Hunter (TOH) would reacts to his shy!female!human!reader gentlely touches his ears then strokes his ears gently made him purring like a cat in guest room at Luz's house on Human Realm? I really love to see Hunter's blushing reaction to it! 😆
I live for flustered and touch-starved Hunter! 💘 Please??
↳ Requested; 24th May, 2023
( 22. ) May I request Gus with a human reader who is just telling him more and more outrageous lies about human society and culture for shits and giggles? Like he asks them about the human society and they just start making up shit to see what he believes?
↳ Requested; 30th May, 2023
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dsknsk · 1 year
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What I look for in magical girl designs.
These are not personal 'rules', just things I look for. These shouldn't be seen as hard rules for your design - don't feel bound by me, I'm just one person on the internet after all. Also this is specific to Magia Record/PMMM, so some of that universe is taken into account.
We can see this easily in Homura:
How much it fits the girl wearing it. (and by extension, their figure)
There is an unwritten, but implied thing in PMMM that magical girl outfits are based on what the wearer thinks as cool. I often say that 'Imagine yourself as your ideal, superpowered self with a pretty costume - well, that's that'. Of course, the wearer has to feel comfortable in it, because their magical girl outfit is a manifestation of their inner thoughts and feelings about their self-image at the very moment their wish was made.
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Her costume mirrors the Mitakihara school uniform, because that was the only place she ever formed human connections in. It's also in dull colors, as she was in mourning when she made her wish - which influenced the choice so much that it's easily visible. She also convinces herself that she can take care of herself (which is why her witch's nature is self-sufficiency) and that she's mature - hence the high heels. (In previous timelines, she trips over them often but this dies down later. Note that when Madoka walks away from her in episode 8, leaving Homura behind after the latter narrowly prevented her from wishing, she trips over them again).
This can also be a justification for 'plain' magical girl outfits. In my LCB Magia Record AU, Charon (Lapis) made a wish when she was literally a blank slate (had her memories erased), so her outfit is very plain as a result because she had very few in mind.
While I mostly dislike GAN's designs, Matsuri is actually a decent one:
An aesthetic.
Aesthetics keep outfits together. They can make something that seems like a mishmash into a style in itself. While it's not mandatory (there exist enough good magical girl outfits with just the 'magical girl' aesthetic), and shoddily-chosen 'aesthetics' (usually things that shouldn't be aesthetics at all) can be very, very bad (looking at you Rabi), it can help in regards to the coherency of it. It also makes it recognizable what kind of style the wearer likes.
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The phone and futuristic motif make this outfit from a simple sundress into something that has a theme, and into a magical girl outfit.
I also really like how Alina is designed:
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Alina's outfit is a play on a prison warden's stereotypical uniform, with the hat and the collar and all, but it puts a personal spin on it. The colored parts of the skirt forming a rainbow subtly hint at her being a painter/artist. The mostly black-and-white weigh well with her brightly colored hair. While the fishnets and the neckline slightly give it a fanservice flavor, it's not over-the-top and remains fittingly small.
When the two points above come together in a good manner, the outfit will show the wearer's personality.
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Like this. The style with the pastel colors has a soothing effect, and the entire outfit tells us what kind of girl she is. She even has a pillow on her back so that she can sleep wherever she wants. Hilarious. (Also, as a bonus - the purple and yellow pompoms remind me of Derse and Prospit, dream planets).
For example, I really like Mikoto Sena's oufit. It has an obvious aesthetic and the black/white, again, nicely fits with her bright hair. I just wonder whether it's a pain to animate. I've even joked that the real reason for the anime's ending is that they just didn't know how to animate Sena lol.
If it's easy on the eyes or not.
It doesn't HAVE to be, let that be clear. If it's pretty in YOUR eyes then you do you. This is maybe a little strict but this comes easy actually. All I have to do is to look at it and let my brain parse the design. If I can, I imagine drawing it (which is traditionally). Something with a simple structure and few accessories makes a different impression than an outfit with ribbons and belts everywhere. An outfit with a lot of details can be pretty - I even prefer it -, especially when it's splash art (static art, in contrast to animation and sprites).
Many designers (though not people when making OCs, from what I've seen) think that more ribbons and accessories = more magical. It doesn't necessarily have to be that, and it doesnt HAVE to be bad. Some designs that I think are cluttered can be made coherent with a few changes. The line between too much and too plain can be very, very thin. Most of my designs lean towards the plain side, but there's some justifications for that.
Also, with canon Magia Record I sometimes have to play the game of 'where is the Soul Gem' since they're no longer always obviously present and colored with their user's eyecolor.
Older doesn't necesarily automatically mean more skin shown, though. My designs for the LCB Magia Record AU do show more skin as the characters are basically confirmed to be above 20 by canon, but by the standards of some canon Magia Record designs they're still relatively tame. For example, Outis is sure to be above 20, and while Ebony's age is unknown, she's likely younger, but shows more skin. (As a sidenote, I didn't do any research for Outis' outfit, but likely none or very few is done for Ebony either).
No fanservice on minor-aged or childish characters.
A lot of Magia Record characters don't have a set age. Still, canon contract age range is young teen (occasionally contracts are made with slightly younger characters like Nagisa) so you'd automatically assume from canon characters that they're within that range.
Also, when for example your magical girl's outfit has winter as a theme, it's a little weird to suddenly show a midriff. Don't let fanservice break your design like that, it's just a pity...and very sad.
So...that should be all!
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jesuisceleine · 5 months
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LUTHER. all odd numbered questions. go. :]
i had to ruminate on this not because it was hard but because if i didn't control myself this post would be unending
1. Why do you like or dislike this character?
first, there is not one thing i dislike about him but there are things i dislike about the spin-off adaptations that the writers did to him. second, there is so much i like about him but more than anything i like that beyond the initial impression, beyond being a puppet of a dark falz, beyond his snark and wit, he cares. he cares a lot. he cares for his sister, he cares for humanity, he cares so much that it's his strength and weakness. the whole reason he became a perfect target for dark falz is because he loved harriet so deeply that losing her broke his spirit.
3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?
again there isn't much in canon (besides spin-offs) that i dislike and what there is TO dislike is just by proxy because he's related to it story-wise so i'd have to say the only thing i dislike is his obsession with xion because the fans warp it into romance which is just... not? the case? it's very obvious he only saw her as nothing more than a font of knowledge, not as a person. of course, this is all only while he's under loser's control which further makes the romance angle even more uncomfortable!
5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?
this is hard.. there's so many... i won't cheat by linking my LUTHER PLAYLIST COUGH HACK but i will do my part by picking the best one of it so i'll go with Send Them Off! by Bastille
7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?
i'm gonna pick two-ish? (it's not cheating) i love when fan artists draw him with angel's wings and/or his little winged babies. the amount of art i saw of luther with little tyraludas surrounding him tickles me to no end.. after that though i adore making him the antagonistic goober troll to anyone whose anyone because he really and truly is just here to be contrarian and then leave
9. Could you be roommates with this character?
purely platonic roommates... ? uh.. no.................
11. Would you date this character?
YEP
13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?
i like to use 🧪📔 for him! as far as emojis... i don't think he's the type to really use them honestly.
15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)
him x his beautiful wife alasondria rue reyna cuent aka the definitely canon and real ship luthaly
17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?
this is going to be funny and contradictory but luther/xion. i don't HATE it but i don't view it romantically because of the above statements. it has potential! but it's not for me.
19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?
it's not even a relationship because their interactions are nonexistent to the point the one time they did 'interact' luther told him to go to hell while blasting him with a death laser but uh... luther/elmir
21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?
i love to get inside his head. i think he's a deeply fascinating character and because pso2 doesn't often do introspection for its cast members i find it to be the most exciting area to explore for fan content. i'm not sure i understand the concept of something i wouldn't like to write because i probably just won't write it...? LOL
23. Favorite picture of this character?
unfair. mean. rude. terrible to ask me to only use one.
anyways i like this one.
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25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?
i thought he was just the same old god-complex 'i want all the knowledge in the world' villain (not in a bad way mind you!) but after episode 3 when he shows the PC and matoi around double's inner universe and i got to witness the 'human' side of him i realized he was far more than that and i was further smitten by him... episode 5 did not help this!!!
in conclusion luther pso2
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jamieloveslearning · 2 years
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Here's the ramblings from my notes. I find it really hard to organize my thoughts in a linear way, and so I KNOW that they're disorganized but I don't know how to organize them:
I USED that. I USED the excuse of my mind being hazy so I didn't have to take control. If I don't have control, if I just stay limp and emotionless and (oh my god my thoughts are so loud rn they're like the only thing existing g and it's like a storm that whips around more like a tornado actually and I haven't felt this way in a LOOOOONG time it feels like when I used to write down in my journal and I'd have a revalation or something, so honed in its really wild) so if I don't have control nothing is really my fault, the failure of not doing anything for so long, for falling into that slump in 2020 and really rewiring my brain in a lot of ways, trying to cope with the immense amounts of stress. It's not that the brain fog isn't real and doesn't hinder me but I have given in and let myself use it in order to cope, not unlike dissociation. Fuck this might literally just be dissociation but this is more nuanced looking into it.
But when I AM in control, and everything is flying past and my thoughts are so fast they don't even feel like they're me in that I'm the one doing things but that's okay it's like I've got my own mini support system and it's myself lol
So not only does the meds help, the monster drinks help, but what also REALLY helps is reminding myself that I AM totally and wholly capable of doing the things that I want to do. It's like, so simple, but I just had to get there my own way, fire those neurons in the right order in order for it to TRULY make sense to me.
I'm learning how to live and I have to keep reminding myself that I'm alive and I'm a human with agency and choices I keep forgetting it but I'm also slowly REMEMBERING it with more and more frequency, I'm rewriting those pathways.
I am my own person whole in and of itself I've been drilled over and over with "less of me, more of you god" "empty myself so that I may have more of your spirit". I was brainwashed. I TRIED to be empty. But I don't like it, god doesn't take its place, nothing does, so now I have space to fill. And I can fill it however I damn well please.
(REMINDER: reading for hours on end gets my mind working really well like pushing old dusty gears and then they start spinning out of control, wish there was some sort of middle ground but I guess that's why I've got a disorder lol)
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musicallisto · 3 years
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Congrats on 800 followers!! You write beautifully and deserve every one of them and a thousand more 💕🎉
For the celebration, could I get a vanilla milkshake (ship)? Of Percy Jackson or Narnia?
I'm a straight girl, INFP, enneagram 5, hufflepuff student, and daughter of Athena. I really love any kind of art, from painting, to music, to literature, to sculpture, and anything. That doesn't mean I'm good. Even tho I wish I was. I really like to write, it helps me put my thoughts and feelings in order, and words come easier when I write them down than when I try to talk. The most important thing to me are my friends, my loyalty is one of the little things I actually like about myself.
I'm really bored with my life and always wished of something more, so any kind of media that has a good story it's something I'm a fan of. I'm literally waiting just to be old enough so I can go on my own adventure and live a little.
I'm not a very affectionate person, not in a conventional way anyway, I'm not good enough with words to repeat how much people mean to me (even if they really do), and I don't like to be hugged that often, and only if they're really close to me. But I'm always there for anyone that needs me and I'll try to do the best I can to help.
I don't like small talk, I want to have long talks about everything that comes to mind, whether it is the last book you read or a random thought about the stars, or mythological creatures, or aliens, or your deepest secret or some dumb thing that happened some years ago. Whatever, but a real conversation.
Did I forget to say I'm Mexican? Lol, I speak Spanish and we're known for joking around (And it's probably that I punch someone jokingly before I hug them. Yep, not very good at expressing emotions at first. I can be WAY more open once I gained trust).
I like to take things with calm and humor, but if it's something serious I know how to take the situation seriously and give the best advice and "wise" words I can think of. My friends come looking for my advice often lol whether or not they follow it afterwards. I don't like to talk about my problems, because I don't want to worry any of my friends, and even though I could need help, I just hold it in until it passes (I should follow my own advice and talk to someone but OH WELL...)
I really don't know what else to say. I love to read, and I love musicals, and I'm trying to learn how to play guitar, and I'd like someone with good sense of humor but that I know I can trust.
Anyway, congrats again!! You're really talented and I don't know you that well but you seem like an awesome person. If you don't have time to do this, don't worry 'bout it u.u
here’s your vanilla milkshake! I only did it for percy jackson for lack of time, but I hope you enjoy your story with leo valdez all the same - it’s my reckoning you two would get along pretty well...
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Leo is definitely always down for an adventure. He’s the kind of person who effortlessly makes the most boring errand into an epic, and sees the excitement in everything around him, but understands exactly what you mean when you say you want to go out there and see what life has in store for you, for real.
You’re both sitting on your bed in your bedroom - it’s not often you get a break from Camp Half-Blood or Camp Jupiter respectively and are able to go back to your human lives, but whenever you get the chance, you seize it and enjoy the peace -, and talking about your biggest wishes and desires ...
(The conversation came naturally and flows just as organically; because Leo is a childish and excitable fool most of the time, but he understands there’s a time for everything, and he can be particularly serious and insightful when he understands it’s time for him to be)
... And you tell him all you really want in life is to go on an adventure, a real one, unpredictable like a rush of blood to the head.
“Well do I have news for you about a place called Camp Jupiter--”
“I don’t mean running from monsters or fulfilling prophecies... I want to see the world with my friends by my side and live beautiful things. One day, when I’m old enough.”
“Who says you aren’t old enough right now?”
“I’m sorry?”
(He’s straightened up from his slouching position on the mattress, and is looking at you with the utmost seriousness in his eyes.)
“I mean it. Who says we can’t go on an adventure, like, right now?”
“Where could you even go?”
“I don’t know. Got a globe laying around somewhere here?”
You comply, and he spins it, and orders you to jab your finger at it whenever you feel like it (which he doesn’t give a real meaning to, because it doesn’t even have one), to determine where you will go.
“... Moscow?”
“Ah, great place for a son of Hephaetus, love the heat out there.”
But needless to say, when Leo gets a spontaneous idea like that, there’s no use in trying to get it out of his head;
so the following week you are to depart on your trip to Russia, and you can’t hide your excitement. Traveling on a whim with your boyfriend might just be the first step to the adventures you were awaiting...
OK, but Mexican solidarity!!! I love my Latin cousins ugh you guys are so much fun,,
Talking shit about half of your respective Camps in Spanish behind their backs (and from Reyna’s half-smiles she miserably fails to conceal, you feel like you might not be the only ones who find this terribly funny)
“Mira a Jason, siempre tan serio y melancólico. Cuenta la leyenda que la mueca se le quedó grabada en la cara.”
“Pobrecito. Igual alguna profecía le delivra de su maldición de gravedad perpetua.”
“¿Y si le voy a contar un chiste?”
“Creo que solo te abofetará, Leo.”
Expressions of affection are rarely overt between the two of you, because you both tend to deflect your real feelings (especially affection or love) via humor and play them off as something “just for laughs”. You’re also big on tough love, so much so that sometimes the others wonder why you’re always playfully hitting each other’s arms as though you hated each other’s guts.
But the truth is simply that you were always raised to express affection in these ways, and get a bit awkward when you’re expected to be upfront about your feelings. Still, you’re both extremely warm and loving, and your “I love you”s simply have to be deciphered.
And no one deciphers them quite like the other half of the pair. It’s a language that only you two understand; that’s why you’re such a good pair.
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800 follower sleepover [CLOSED!]
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looking4mybambi · 3 years
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Alright soo ik bdsm/dominant & submissive relationships have so many gender roles that differ from couple to couple, and how each person partakes in that role as individuals in a relationship are different.
As people we all like different things as well and we all SHOULD know what we like as individuals and in a real COMMITTED goal oriented unbreakable successful dom/sub relationship each person knows everything that their person likes and should naturally forget about knowing his or her own likes because each of you got that on lock and can please there person without them telling you when its needed and how to do it or what they are in the mood for..
I am a dominant. But for me I'm a bit different from most . Growing up as a kid very familiar with poverty, I didn't have very many friends so what attention I got was being laughed at for having such bug feet being so young plus I was the tallest in my class up till the end of middleschool, I had long lanky arms a good bit of baby fat (as ma use to call it) and long legs with goofy ass knees so I hated shorts because back in elementary where the bullying started, I may be wrong about this but I don't think Walmart could carry any and1 basket ball shorts that covered my knees nor could we afford It honestly. The kids would call me things like "jolly green giant, sasquach, big dumb (especially if I had to read out loud.. I'm not a good out loud reader) big retard or just tard.. that line of name-calling cease to exist come my 5th and 6th grade years.. mind u I spent an extra year in 4th grade soo I was just adding more fule t on the fire for my later years.
My mother, a single mom of 2 terrorists that worked her hardest to make sure we had what we needed and by doing so came overtime hours after working solid 12s 5 nights a week so she now worked 7 12s a week to get her ot in and be home in the morning to feed us and get us off to school so she can relax and sleep. Like any exhausted human, if there's something that can help you feel good enough to work 7 days a week and be able to parent with the bare minimum sleep, I think most would consider the option heavly. And then addiction..... sooo yeah more hell in school. Long story short .. I got tortured in school. It subsided in the last 2 years before I quit my jr year. But anywho my friends consisted of band in 5-6 grade football and wrestling in 7-8 -9-10 (injuries wrecked my entire school also didn't help my popularity non. And lastly jrotc my freshman year in high school. And a ton of females did band and jrotc (basically a free period lol) so I got tight with females in school while the dudes bullied the fuck out of me... I learned how to be a gorls best friend, do hair, nails, make up. Whatever I needed to learn I did... then sports was where I learned that most men are pigs weather its in a locker room. Or at home she another huge plus and can relate to females. I learned how to gossip and and learned any and all kinds of things girls like from fat free foods to why yell what those socks that look kinda like jon boats or canoes yaknow the shortest socks and adult human could even wear def entirely to short to even be related to ankle socks and how do yall keep them things on your feet while in shoes?!?! Some welfare witchcraft type shit goin on there ima throw that out there 🤣 hell my moms almost died one day she asked me how her hair looked after she curled the sides of her hair on either cheek but she curled both sides to the insides of her cheeks and I told her teacher try curling them out it would look better and she was stunned that I knew what I was talking about . Long story short I took so much time knowing whT makes yell tick, physically, mentally, stomachally ;p, definitely sexually.
Sooo on to this i watched ole ma get beet on by men my whole life and when I tried to fight em off her ( almost every fight that got physical between my mom and a man) there i was right i. The middle of the action knot knowing what the fuck ima do next i was only 11 so I took moms beating more than once.
I've been beaten on by females, alot... yea big ole me.. absolutely refuses to hit back. and ill die that way.
All these events me me the dominant that I am today... I'm strong and I will fight even if I don't want to. I am a protector. My person will feel safe, I can't take fear away ofcorse but I promise she won't be fearful of me.
I take care of my person idc what she ASKS of me ill do it. My rules are simple.
1.) Don't fuckin lie to me.
2.) Don't fucking cheat on me.
3.) Fuckin communicate
4.) DONT FUCKIN BREAK RULE ONE!
Lol I wear my heart on my sleeve and am a very passionate dom. I love giving my person attention and I love to cuddle up to movies, I'm even a hopeless romantic sometimes and I cook I love cooking honestly.
Im also into all sorts of shit forced play, cnc role play and love me a good brat that likes to play hard to get ;)
Most importantly im a dominant that builds his relationship off honesty, respect, compromise and the glue that most dominant men now phase completely out...
LOVE!❤
Now lady's can I ask a very simple question.. well this if me telling whoever will read it about the kind of man I am ofcorse with a recent pic of me (earlier today) to show that im not a terrible looking man.. soo why am I single?
All this is 1000% honest I absolutely DO NOT LIE. I will not play any sort of spin games with anyone. Lol hope someone enjoys
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lvlyhao · 3 years
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「PART TWO: FEAR」
HUMANITY SERIES; Q.K
A/N: took me long enough to post, I know, but thank you to that last anon for reminding me of the series lol with school i tend to forget what i have and haven’t posted but i’ll do better from now on. i hope you like this :)
important: this chapter includes mentions of vomiting and though i’ve already put a warning for violence and gore in the masterlist, i’m saying it again: please don’t read this if you are not okay with that!!!!
word count: 2.1K
pairing: qian kun x reader
disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © cherry-hyejin 2021.
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*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:
“I’m heading out”, your hands fondly squeeze Taeyong’s shoulders from behind him. He does not look up from his task for a few seconds, counting rolls of gauze. Then, upon processing your words, he twirls to face you. His eyes trail up and down your figure, making a mental checklist of everything you need to be safe. Apparently, one thing is missing.
“Take Jaehyun with you”, he asks, “or maybe Yuta. Johnny is always good to have around, and so is Renjun. Those swords of his are no joke”, he rambles, losing focus. The way he places his hands on his hips and sighs tells you he’s absolutely drained. “Or maybe I should go with you—”
Shaking your head fervently, you pat his cheek for his attention, observing the streaks of noon sunlight across his face. He stares at you with concern and shifts his weight.
“You’re staying right here and so are the boys, Tyong. We haven’t found a survivor in weeks, and taking one of them is always more stressful than anything”, you reason. Recollections of how the boys attract trouble wherever they go cloud your mind, far too many to count. The air suddenly feels too chilly, with shivers running down your spine. 
“Just stay here and maybe find a way to rest. You know Doyoung won’t mind keeping track of the supply for you.”
At this point, he knows it’s no use arguing. 
“Just be careful… and get back before dawn”, he adjusts the collar of your jacket, thinking back to the weather outside of the grey walls of the dorms. “All I’m saying is you never know what you’re gonna find.” Giving you a tight-lipped smile and a nod, he resumes his job, and you leave him. Headed to the heavily locked iron doors guarded by the towering figures of Shotaro and Sungchan, you ask yourself if there was any hidden depth to Taeyong's words.
“You never know what you’re gonna find, huh", you mutter.
Now, roaming the deserted streets on your own and basking in the orange glow of the afternoon, you just think he was wrong. 
It’s already been a couple of hours since you left: you’ve explored parts of the district you barely even knew before the virus, seeing all kinds of animals scurrying around your path. You’ve also eaten the rice balls Jaemin packed for you, and you’ve gawked at the decaying building that used to be your favourite theatre. It’s all the same as you imagined it would be. Not many walkers litter this part of town—just 7 or 8 you managed to avoid—and no people. No one worth rescuing.
Wandering like this, in silence, brings back memories you're not sure you like. Weekly game nights with your friends, attending Jisung’s dance presentations, playing in the park’s playground at night... All of those feel foreign to you, parts of life too good to have ever been yours. Still, the need for a shot of wistfulness takes over, and you sigh. Better now than when it gets late, then. With a shake of your head, you pick a destination and start moving.
You’re conscious of your surroundings as you keep one hand on the bow and make your way across the square. Dry, fiery leaves crunch under your boots, being the only sound you pick up. Nothing looks out of the ordinary, either. The same old abandoned stores seem to look down at you, their busted windows moaning in the wind. But, right then, something jabs at your gut. It's a silent alert to a threat you can't see. 
Damnit. You better pick up the pace.
As soon as you make a turn to the left, spying the pizza place you used to visit, you freeze. Walkers, maybe 10 of them, whimper and try to get past the debris to reach something inside a pharmacy.
How could you not notice them earlier? They’re not a quiet horde, and the awful stench is not something you should have missed either. Have you been that lost in your nostalgia?
Whatever happened, you don't have much time. If the undead are making that much effort to get around the rubble, there has to be someone inside. A fellow human being—hopefully, a nice one. Someone you can help.
Acting out of instincts, you drink in your surroundings. Having your back hastily pressed against a tree trunk is not ideal, but it's what comes to you. While you can't call yourself a strategy master, jumping right into action is not the right plan when someone else's life is in danger. 
Mind racing, you know you need a better shooting spot now if you want to make a move. Drawing them out to an alley is not a totally bad idea either. They wouldn't be able to escape, and maybe then they could flee.
As soon as you found a perfect corner for that, the screech of old door hinges catches your attention. A second later, shattering glass.
Shit. They broke in.
With no more time to assess the situation, you quickly climb up a rotting picnic table. The zombies, some missing a limb, slowly drag their feet towards a man in a plaid, blue shirt. 
He's petrified, head lashing from side to side, looking for a way out. You know very well there is none, and soon enough it will be too late. He’ll be just at reach for those disgusting, putrid fingers. If they get a bite in, it's over for you, and it's over for him.
That’s when you take the stupidest decision of your life.
Screaming.
“YO, YOU POINTLESS MEAT SACK! WHY DON’T YOU LOOK OVER HERE?”
The boy might just get whiplash from how fast his eyes find yours. His are dark and desperate, but there is something else to them—to him. Something you will never find it in you to explain. 
It could have been the way the stares right at your soul, or how his face displays every emotion from relief to terror. You could even say it was how his knees buckled under his weight or his fluttering hair in the wind. You can blame your reaction on a lot of things, but none of them startles you as much as yourself. 
A cold hand grasps at your heart, squeezing it tightly in your chest. Blood drains from your face, and your frame shakes in the wind. You know this sensation all too well to have doubts, although it is what you swore never to feel again. Fear. Not for yourself, no, even when the undead start walking towards you instead. You don't—can't— care enough about your life, and you know it. It is all for him, the beautiful stranger you are going to save.
The first two arrows find their aim, speeding right through the undead’s skulls, but something shifts in your arms. The rest of your arrows now seem to swerve a bit to the sides, lodging themselves on necks or shoulders. In other words, not where they are supposed to. 
Oh, how much you hate that the walkers will only die if you damage their brains.
“Annoying bastards, I swear—”
Falling into a state of near panic, you drop to the floor unceremoniously and race to the horde. If your bow won't do the trick, your other weapons will.
Momentarily thankful for their lack of agility, you pull out the knives hidden on the sides of your shoes. In a flurry of drive, you slash and stab everything around you. While throwing some hand-to-hand-combat here and there, your eyes start to burn. The walkers smell even worse from up close, you bitterly recall from past encounters. It's one of the things that make fighting harder—the urge to run away from them at every second.
The more daring among them clutch at your clothes, keeping your movement limited, but you manage to cut off their hands. The slick sound it makes is enough to make bile rise up your throat, but you swallow it back.
“C’mon, Y/N”, you pant, kicking what had once been an adult woman in the chest to send her down to the asphalt. “You’ve had tougher battles than this." With a breath as deep as you can manage, your knife cuts at another zombie.
It is true, you know. It's impossible to count the times you’ve been up against groups of 20 or more. You were always fine. Right now, though, wincing from multiple wounds scattered around your skin, you question how the hell did you do it.
Hurriedly glancing to your right, you notice 5 are already dead—well, dead-er than they had previously been. The lady you kicked struggles to get up, giving you a gap to spin and bury your knife into her scalp. She goes limp right away, and you stare. 4 more to go.
Just as you retrieve your blade and turn to face the other walkers, something bites your dominant hand. Hard.
With your knife tumbling down in a metallic clunk, fire shoots up your arm. The first thing you do is wiggle your hand back and forth. Some part of you thinks it was going to let go like it’s some sort of dog. You realize you were wrong when darkened saliva flows into the cuts, your mind going blank with agony.
You figure it was one of the undead you had pushed down before, only to lose sight of him later. And, yes, wiggling was a poor attempt at getting him to drop you, but you did it out of pure alarm. Fear is gradually taking over you now, freezing cold and impossible to fight.
With only your non-dominant hand free, you sloppily sink your blade down however many times it takes for the corpse to stop moving. The pain you feel is sharp, travelling through your veins like blue fire. As his grip slackens, the body slumps to the ground, a wet thud echoing. Despite the agony that threatens to blind you, you're aware of the other 3 walkers you have yet to take down.
One is easy enough, with an arrow embedded deep on one side of her neck, and another coming down on her brow bone. Repugnance swirls in your gut, and you have to look away. Their skulls are incredibly soft.
Your remaining enemies pace at either side of you, circling you with dead eyes and faltering strides. You keep your wounded hand close to you while the other clutches the leather grip of your weapon. It's time to put an end to this.
Choosing to go for the right first, you slash at his chest, grimacing at the black blood that oozes. It taints his shredded red hoodie and sprinkles at your front. The shudders that course through you in silent rage give you the strength to finish it off.
In one clean, powerful strike, your knife goes through an eyeball, but he collapses a bit too fast. You can't recover your blade.
Having no weapons on your hands, even for a second, is critical. The walkers are borderline sluggish, but it was easy to lose track of them: your severed hand was proof.
To your relief—or mild disgust—, hasty strides bounce at the pavement behind you, followed by heavy thuds on a slimy surface. It takes no more than 3 seconds for the last body to tumble by your feet, face down. 
It's only then you see the skull, or better, what is left of it. Blood and brain flow over a gaping crack, done by something sharp. You could guess it was the heavy, black rock that you find before you, held in the hands of the man you are supposed to be saving.
From there, you realize his medium length hair is a faded blue, with dark brown at the roots. A grey university hoodie hugs his slim figure under the plaids, matching his cargo pants and busted sneakers. His face is all sharp angles and soft edges, but his gaze is nothing short of magnetic.
Wide, chocolate eyes glare at the body with such horror your own throat tightens. Then, with no words shared, he lets go of the rock and stumbles back like he cannot believe what he did. Your own eyes divert to the cloudless sky, hearing him vomiting on the concrete in a matter of seconds. Poor dude.
Pity, combined with the reminiscents of adrenaline and dread, settle in you. Your thoughts boil down to one small detail: the Sun is setting.
The throbbing on your hand momentarily vanishes, lost in the memory of Taeyong very clearly telling you to be back before dawn. Aside from that, the memory of what you did to get the walkers' attention still burns at your mind. That goddamned shout. Having a sense of hearing as acute as they did, you are sure any other zombies around you are coming your way.
You have fucked up big time.
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final notes: ik chapter one wasn’t all that exciting but i’m hoping this one is better wheeze two more to come, stay tuned <3
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geminimoonbeamx · 5 years
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Oh, Baby: Chapter One
A/N: Okay so I’ve literally had this in my drafts for the last...six months or so? And I figured I’d tweak it and edit and post it since I’ve been so AWOL on this site lately, and so that I can give you guys some new content from me.
Word Count: 3k+
Warnings: Heavy cursing. This chapter is pretty PG, talks of mental illness, unexpected pregnancy and contemplating abortion- but she doesnt go through with it. Smut to come. AND LOTS OF FLUFF TOO, I promise lol
Summary: After a drunken night, Y/N finds herself having to face the biggest decision of her life; is she ready for motherhood? And a better question, is Bucky Barnes, her long time friend and womanizer extraordinaire, ready for fatherhood? They’ll just have to go along for the ride and find out together. A Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Reader Story 
Chapter 1/6: The Baby Woe’s and Oh No’s
You knew it.
You’d known something was off, different, changed.
You sit on your toilet, your world spinning as you attempt to wrap your mind around what was going on. Everything seems sludge like, too slow and too fast and not real.
You’re definitely going into shock, you point out to yourself. The catatonic kind. You’ve been staring at the bright, sunny lemon print of the shower curtain, your eyes focused but not seeing. Your elbows rest on your knees and your hands cover the entirety of your lower face.
At least you’re not crying anymore. 
Nope, your body had moved past that-Maybe, it felt like the tears could start rolling again at anytime.
Oh god, what are you going to do?
Why, why, why?
Why you? You’d been a good person- well a decent person at least… You recycled and tipped more than twenty percent. Didnt vote for Trump and ate your vegetables.
And your life was just seeming to even out. You’d somehow landed your dream job a couple months back- every Wednesday night your voice could be heard on WNEX. You we’re making enough money to finally be comfortable- doing what you loved. Gaining a wide audience and wiggling your way into the industry. Your mind was so career oriented, so focused on your end goal that you’d never even considered something like this.
Throwing a big fat wrench in the gears.
One night, it had only been one stupid, drunken night. Hadn't you racked up enough karma coins to cover your ass for one fucking night?
Are you there god? It’s me, Y/N, and I really fucked up this time.
Wanda comes back into the tiled room a few minutes, her dark features soft and a colorful mug in her hand.
“Are you okay?” She gauges, gently, as she reaches out to you.
You snort and shrug, but accept the steaming cup from her anyway. You look down at the swirling, murky drink.
Wishing for just one moment that you could drown yourself in it.
“Look, babe, I know you’re dealing with some major shock right now- but maybe you should go lay down. We’ll figure it out later-” Wanda’s voice is even and you appreciate her being so calm and sure during all of this but you just can't process the situation enough to accept it.
You can't go lay down.
“Why not?” Wanda questions and you didn't realize you’d said that out loud, you hadn't even felt your mouth form the words.
Your head really is swimming. Disconnected from your body a little bit. You force yourself to take a drink of the tea as she gives you a more pointed look.
“Because I have to- I don't know. I have to figure all this out” You protest. You can't hear your voice, how spiked with anxiousness it is.
“There’s not much to figure out” Wanda supplies, unhelpfully as she leans against the counter, arms folded over her chest and you give her a look that’s half between a glare and a gape.
“Um, what the fuck do you mean? There’s so much to figure out, I don't even know where to start” You give a short, sharp, slightly hysterical laugh gripping the mug hard enough to hurt with one hand while cupping your forehead with the other.
“Okay, first things first. And this is the big one: do you want this?”
Well, that whole ‘I'm done crying’ thought you’d had before was a lie. You feel the tears well up once more and overflow, spill down your already swollen cheeks. Your face is hot. Your tummy is full of rocks.
You’d always hated crying. It never made you feel released or freed or lighter like it did for other people. It made you feel icky and stupid. And afterwards it always felt like you’d gotten punched in the nose.
Yes, you did have a therapist to work out those issues with, thanks.
Your mind doesn't know what to do with that question.
You look at Wanda, searching her face as though she might have the answers but she just shook her head and reached out her hand to rub your shoulder. That’s all she could offer. Her support in whatever path you we’re about to embark on.
And then you look down, at the countertop. That was usually littered with stray tubes of mascara or straightening irons. Bobby pins and half lit candles. All the things that resided in the bathrooms of girls in their mid twenties.
In place of those was now four pregnancy tests. All of which read positive.
The first two had been those double lined ones. Two bold lines- both times. Then you’d ran down to the bodega at the end of the block and gotten two more. And those we’re more straight to the point. They literally read the word pregnant- in a font that you don't think you’d ever forget.
Did you want this? Did you want a baby?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“I dont know- I’m not ready. The timing is all wrong” You croak.
“Okay” Wanda coo’s “well there's alternatives then-” you squeeze your eyes closed at that thought “Either way we should make a doctors appointment to make sure you’re actually pregnant. I’ve read so many stories about how unreliable these things are”
She holds up one of the tests and rambles on about all of the online articles she’d come across. How some woman had taken a dozen of ‘em, gotten all positive results and then went in and had an empty uterus.
“For one, ew. I peed on that” You nod your head at the test in her hand and she rolls her eyes.
“Other side of it- and I held your hair when you got food poisoning from that shrimp shack. I’ve come into contact with worse body fluids of yours”
“For two- I’m pregnant. I know it. I’ve known it for weeks. I knew something was wrong and I just tried to...think it away, you know? Out of sight, out of mind? I sound insane” saying the words out loud makes you realize how...ludicrous those thoughts had been. But still. It was the truth.
She just nods though “You don't”
There’s a moment of silence. Stretching, as you stew in your reality.
“I’d be doing it alone” you whisper into the mug as you sip on it “I really dont think he’d want a baby”
“You would never be alone, you know that. You have so many people in your life that would support you with this” Wanda protests, sad that you’d even say that.
“You know what I mean” You push on. Because having a good group of friends and family wouldn't change the fact that you were possibly looking at the possibility of being a single mother.
If you decided to keep it, that is.
“Yeah I do- and I don't know if I agree with that. Bucky's a lot of things, an arrogant asshole at that top of that list, but he’s a good guy and I think he’d want to be involved. He doesn't give off deadbeat dad vibes”
All of that was true. Bucky is a good guy, at the core of him.
He was kind and decent and the two of you had been friends for years upon years. He was charming, magnetic and women loved him- you’d found it amusing, before you we’re the one in his bed after a drunken night a month ago.
He’d left your messages mostly on seen since then. You’d only sent a few, but still that had stung. Him icing you out the moment he’d gotten into your pants pissed you off, not only because it was rude but because it was expected.
You knew how Bucky was with women, it had been such an idiot move to sleep with him.
It made it all the more complicated that you ran in the same social circles- had all the same friends. Sam’s small promotion dinner a couple weeks ago had been extremely awkward for you, to say the least.
He’d earned himself the cold shoulder from you and no matter how many times he’d try to broach a conversation with you, crack a joke in your direction, or single you out in a group conversation you pretended he didn't exist.
“Damn, re-jec-ted” It had been so obvious that Clint had of course pointed it out, which was uncomfortable but expected because Clint had no filter like that.
Bucky had stopped trying after that- and started flirting back with the waitress that had been throwing herself at him throughout the night. You cut out early, claiming tiredness. And upset stomach. Whatever to get you out of there.
To say it was a shitty night was a bit of an understatement and you hadn't spoken one word to him since.
“I haven't talked to him since that night- and now I’m what, supposed to call him up and tell him I’m carrying his child because he doesn't properly know how to operate a condom?
“I don't know, yeah? It doesn't mean you two need to get married, but if you choose to keep this baby, that’s going to be a conversation you’re going to have to have” Wanda is so annoying sometimes. She was such a sharp thinking human- always grounded and level headed. She claimed it was from always having to be the “good twin” growing up.
Of course she was rationalizing this whole thing while you we’re floundering about it like a fish.
“I think I should make a doctors appointment” You just mutter. You’d rather focus your attention there. It was easier, cleaner for you. A goal you could actually accomplish.
And so that’s what you did.
//////
They were able to get you in at the end of the week, which in overpopulated New York City was a godsend. And still, it felt like far too long. Like the reality of it couldn't sink in until you talked to a medical professional so you we’re left in some kind of fucked up long until then.
You tried to keep your anxious mind busy, throwing yourself into work. Talking to people over the static airways of the radio about their lives; about the world and all of its workings was so much easier than talking to anyone about what was going on with you.
The only person who knew was Wanda and you’d canceled all of your other plans during the week, not able to face anyone. Not yet.
Lots of sleepless nights, staring at the ceiling. Thinking until your brain physically hurt.
And then you’d turned to you journal- maybe if you wrote everything down it would make sense. If you could see it all, inked out, you could make a decision.
Did you want this child?
Wanda had suggested making a pro’s and con’s list and while it sounded crazy and unhelpful, and you rolled your eyes at it ‘As though that will help’, you ended up doing it anyways.
You start with Cons, naturally. Always had been too damn negative.
Cons:
-I have no fucking idea how to be a mom
-Bucky???
-My job. My career. Who’s going to watch the baby while I work?
-How in the fuck am I going to financially support a baby.
-No room in the apartment/My room is fucking tiny and where will we put a baby
(Wanda said we can turn half of the living room into a playroom/makeshift nursery. How fucked up though? Not even a real nursery)
-No car? A baby on the subway? No thank you.
-Weird to explain to people even if Bucky wants to co-parent. All our friends??
-PAIN
-Pregnancy looks so painful. Birth looks scary. My poor vagine.
-Life is basically over
-The baby will not have a grandmother from your side...
You could keep going on, but you decide to stop there. You could go on, make the list pages and pages long but you decide against it.
Pros:
-I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Always dreamed of babies and motherhood, baby fever crashes over me in waves.
-Me and Bucky’s baby is going to be cute AF(and that just pure facts)
-I have a great support system- amazing friends and family who I know will help
-Bucky could want to be involved. He probably will...maybe?
-He has a big family, i think. The baby would have lots of family
-I don't want to have an abortion. All about pro-choice, but I just...don't know if I can.
That had made you bite the end of your pen.
Adoption?
Could you give a child that you went through nine months of pregnancy up for adoption? Knowing yourself- probably not. You cant even get rid of the moth hole ridden clothes at the back of your closet. Not comparing a baby to a jean jacket- fuck, see how unequipped you were for this?
-I’d be a good mom(I think)
-I could swing it financially. Maybe get a second job
-At least I have a good insurance plan now
-My life might have more of a purpose?
You hide the lists away in one of your many journals. Stick it in the wicker basket under your night stand- and revisit it too many times in those days between.
You make a lot of other lists in that time, too. 
//////
One of them sits tucked in your purse as you make your way to the eighth floor- Arms folded across your chest and the inside of your bottom lip speared between your teeth as the elevator takes you up.
Wanda stands beside you, of course. Sipping on her iced americano. You’d tried to tell her that she didn't need to come, that you were perfectly okay with going on your own. You’d gotten about two words out before she shut you down-
“I already took the afternoon off, don't be ridiculous”
You both know you wouldn't admit it, stubborn as you we’re, but you’d let out a big sigh of relief. You really didn't want to do this alone.
The waiting room is standard for this building, looks similar to the one that you sit in when you see your GP- save for a sign hanging about the door that labels it the OB-GYN.
Fake plants and those standard waiting room chairs that had that weird diagonal print on them TV’s that we’re playing the local news and tables stacked with months dated magazines. There was no windows though and it made the back of your neck feel hot.
The receptionists is nice. Middle aged with mild with droning, mellow voice. She checks you in fast and efficiently and tells you that you’ve got about a 15 minute wait on your hands.
Annoying, you think even though you give her a big grin and a sweet ‘thank you’. You’d been right on time. Why in all offices of all kinds is there always a fucking wait?
Wanda has plopped down on a chair in the corner and is fingering through an issue of LIFE, her long legs crossed at the knee. you sit next to her. The office air conditioner is blasting, it had been a muggy May in the city, but you feel overheated. You let the chunky cardigan you’d donned slip down one shoulder, exposing your skin to the chilly air.
You should feel the cold but you’re over heated. Nervous as hell. Why doesnt anyone else in this office seem nervous?
You tend to people watch when you get overly anxious like you are now. Tend to take in every little detail of every little thing around you.
There’s a black couple- the woman doesn't look pregnant but they’re holding hands tightly and they keep whispering to each other. He smiles and nudges her shoulder with his. Then there’s a Latina woman who looks just about ready to pop and is reading one of the kids book to a little boy with her eyes. A white lady, with twin carriers rocks them gently as she chats with a woman who looked to be related to her, maybe. Older and graying.
You feel like a creep but you can't stop looking at them all. Staring at each of the people who are at different stages of the same  life-path you found yourself on.
Wanda clicks her tongue as her dark eyes focus on the magazine. Muttering, her accent thick, about how the lenses they used for the shoot on the page was all wrong.
Her photographers eye was snobby and elitist.
“Y/N?” The nurse calls you back, not butchering your name which is nice and look over at your best friend.
“Are you sure you don't want me to come back with you?” Wanda whispers, big gingerbread eyes searching yours and you shake your head quickly.
You had to do this, on your own. What if...what if you ended up having to do this whole thing alone? You had to be grown, had to face this solo. That’s just how you felt, even if it might not be true.
“It’s just another appointment- I can do it on my own. I’ll live” there's a reasoning lilt in your voice that she doesn't quite buy but she nods all the same. Tells you that she’ll be waiting right there for you as you muster up all your courage and train your face into a smile, following the nurse into the back offices, the door mechanically closing behind the two of you.
The OB’s office is...warmer then you’d thought it would be. Her desk has frames of all types and her walls are plastered with colorful posters, making the alabaster of the wallpaper less daunting. There was even a window in here.
You’re perched up on the exam table/ chair thingy, staring out at the tall buildings across the street, at the people moving fast below on the sidewalks. You wonder what all of them are doing? How many of the have kids?...
When there’s a soft knock at the door your attention snaps back to the present.
Doctor Helen Cho is a petite Asian woman. She has glossy dark hair that's tied up in a clip high on the  back of her head, and her voice is friendly and her expression open as introduces herself to you and reaches out to shake your hand.
“I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you, too” You sound so much surer and more confident then you feel. It had always been your party trick- meeting new people and being able to talk to them. Leaving trails of barley there acquaintances in your wake.
“So it says here that you think you’re pregnant, yes?” She gets right to it, and your appreciative for it.
“Yeah, I know I am.  I took four tests and they all came out positive and I...I feel really off” you try to explain it, poorly but she seems to understand.
“When you say off, do you mean like bad feeling off or?” She probes as she sits at her desk, swivels her chair to face you. Her chocolate almond eyes weren't piercing or clinical, just waiting.
“Not really bad? But I’ve just been so tired lately and I’ve had like, zero appetite. And my breasts have been so sensitive that it hurts to put on a bra” as you tell here these things you could slap your head for not assuming you were pregnant before you’d taken the tests.
Dr. Cho hums and nods as she looks over her tablet “Well from the look of these results from those blood and urine tests your nurse went ahead and gave you when you came in, I can tell you that you are definitely about nine weeks pregnant- so those symptoms are right on with where you are”
You inhale and exhale, bigly. It’s real. It’s been real, was a notion, a happening but now...it’s so freaking real.
And there's a real life changing decision to be made-
That you’d already made before you’d even walked into this office but now seemed even clearer. Crystal, in that moment of clarity.
“I want to keep it” Your confident as you say it. Your voice cracks with some kind of emotion you couldn't even begin to explain, but you’re confident. You’re sure.
Dr. Cho grins at you, and stands, congratulating you then, after she’s sure you even want a congratulations. You like her, think you might.
It’s hard to focus on her voice though because all your mind can think of is the next big obstacle, the next big step in all of this.
How were you going to tell Bucky?
Okay guys? I posted? Crazy right? lol give me some feedback! Comment and tell me what you thought of this. I absolutely love interacting with you guys, but I’m sure ya’ll know that. 
Also- the taglist for this story is still OPEN, so if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters just ask!
@peacefulwriter88 @jaamesbbarnes @jalapenobarnes @brieannakeogh @gifsbysimplysonia @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @lostinspace33 @4theluvofall @plumfondler @tatathekissypotato @siren-kitten-his @skishenanigans @geekyweed @spidey-babe-parker @lastfallenstar @rachelle-on-the-run @prettybubblesintheair @dani-si 
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twinkrevali-moved · 6 years
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you mind if I send a bunch? If you don't wanna do all of these just choose your favorites of em! 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 9, 11, 12, 16, 18, 19, 25, 26, 43, 49... sorry I really love ask memes//
vajdvsj i don't mind at all!! :D1: favourite pokemon?gee i wonder who it could be agsjbdjdb *coughthewholepoppliolinecough*2: favourite type?it used to be steel but i'm leaning more toward bug and poison types now3: favourite legendary?i like the tapus bc they're so different from the other legendaries. like all the others are like "i maintain peace for all people and pokemon" meanwhile the tapu are like "yeah humans are stupid and fun to fuck with"4: favourite region?sinnoh or unova!8: favourite elite four member?karen because i like that speech she gives about pokemon when you defeat her. and she's hot.9: favourite generation?i don't think i have a particular favourite generation because each generation has its high and low points but i'll say that gen 4 is my fav in terms of nostalgia and spin off games, and gen 5 is my fav in terms of pokemon designs and story and tied with gen 7 for characters.11: favourite starter?see my answer to question one. and also grovyle bc pmd lol12: favourite eeveelution?sylveon!!16: first level 100?it was an empoleon from my copy of pearl. unfortunately she was lost when i transferred her over to black and restarted my save file.rip ice the empoleon2009 (i think?) - 201118: if you could have any pokemon in real life, which would it be and why?surprise answer: ditto! because it's pretty much the same as having all of the pokemon in one. i know mew can also do the same thing and would probably be more efficient but i love ditto a lot so19: if you were a gym leader, what would your speciality be?hmmm. i want to go with bug bc i like bug pokemon but being a ghost trainer would be really cool imo.25: already answered!26: favourite ball design?i'd say either the heal ball or the beast ball.43: if you could make up your own pokemon, what would it be like? what type would it be and what moves would it learn?fun fact (and i think i've mentioned this on poorly-drawn-pmd before, i'll have to check) but here in the uk there is a pokemon magazine and there used to be a section where readers could submit their own pokemon designs and i once submitted a design for a flying type eeveelution. i remember it being kind of cat-like and being blue and pink. i was like 8 so yeah looking the design would've been horrendous lmao.49: own any pokemon toys/merchandise?hoooo boy i've been building up my collection for the past almost 15 years so i have too much to list avdhdhf but yeah
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(1/?)So, i have a really weird thing (topic?)I wanted to ask you about. It's kind of cringey and I understand if you don't answer this. I am a shy, social anxiety-filled fifteen year old that, much like yourself, is obsessed with the Hales, Teen Wolf, and a lot of other fictional t.v. shows/books. I'm also very overweight (trying to work on that though but lmao it's a process), and I'm also Christian. Honestly Idk why I am writing you with this but I've followed you for nearly a year now
(2/?) and I went anon because this is kinda aweird thing to bring up, but anyway, on with the point: my best friend, whoI've known for ten years now, has a boyfriend. They've been dating for roughlya year, and they've been having sex. She just turned 16 in December. I wasreally shocked when I found out. I knew that they had sex at least once a whilebefore this, but she told me that it went badly and that she changed her mindhalfway through it and that she felt like she was being forced (3/?) into it and all this other stuff but shestayed with him anyway. Anyway, Friday she told me they've been having sex fora while now actually and of course I always questioned why she was still withhim after that first time because why the heck would you want to stay withsomeone if you feel like they forced you into sex but it's not my life so whatever,at least they're using protection. Okay, further on to the point. There are alot of girls in my grade having sex. I took a vow of (4/?) abstinence a while ago because even though it seems to begetting harder and harder these days to wait until marriage, I saw a meme withJesus in it and a guy and a gal, they both had talk bubbles saying "Iconsent!" but Jesus had one that said "I don't!" And I guessthat got to me because the next thing I know I'm promising Jesus to wait untilmarriage (I'm being serious. I'm not trolling you right now. I'd find the memeand send it if you could do that on this) and I don't judge other (5/?) people if they choose to do different for the same reasonI don't judge people who've had abortions or people who participate inrecreational marijuana use: it's not my body so I'm not going to act like Ishould have an opinion over it. I've also never had a real relationship. Likeyeah, I had those stupid middle school relationships of convenience that lastfor like a week or a month and you where you kiss on the lips every once in awhile and yada yada yada, but never one where you go on (6/?) dates and change your Facebook status and actually developfeelings for the other person and I used to think it was because I'm fat, butI've realized that being fat does not make me ugly, so I started thinking it'sbecause I'm shy and started pushing myself to be more open and that stilldidn't work so finally I complained to my best friend (who I mentioned earlier)and she says it's because people know I don't "put out" and that it'salso because I'm smart and sometimes being pretty and (7/?) smart can be intimidating to people so, in her words,that's why I'm single. Even if it is why it still kind-- scratch that, REALLY,gets to me. And I know a lot of high school relationships don't last and thatthe real stuff doesn't happen until college but I've been feeling really lonelyfor a while now and I'm tired of no boys (or girls) ever taking an interest inme. I'm not saying I'd be the perfect partner in a relationship, but I know I'dtreat the other person with respect and give (8?/) what I have (minus my virginity unless they want to goahead and put a ring on it because I love Jesus), so why the heck is it thesetrampy girls who only care about updating their next Facebook status (I don'thave Facebook, I deleted it a couple months ago) always have boyfriends andgirlfriends and I'm over here spending my Saturday nights reading Teen Wolf fanfiction about fictional characters in amazing relationships and having to hearsecond hand about how amazing it is to (9/?) be in a relationship. And I'm not trying to sound like oneof those boy crazed teenagers whose lives revolve around being in arelationship because I know I can live without being in one. I know it's notthe end of the world if I never find a guy or gal or just don't until later inlife. Life goes on. The world keeps spinning. I just keep hearing about sex andboys and relationships from all these other girls and it makes me jealous andfrustrated and even more lonely all at the same time. (10/10) I am so sorry to flood your ask with my teenage angst haha.I didn't mean for it to turn into a rant and end up being this long. I guesswhat I'm trying to say is, from one Christian gal to another, can you relate?From what I gather you're only older than me by like four or five years so youmust remember what it was like to be fifteen and surrounded by girls like theones I've described. Any advice would be much appreciated but I understand ifyou don't respond. God bless xox
Wow, what a question haha! In all seriousness, I do hope that what I’m about to write can actually offer you some sort of comfort or reassurance or something along those lines. I’m about to pour my heart out, so be prepared!
First, a bit on the sex thing. WHY ARE PEOPLE HAVING SEX SO YOUNG I DON’T UNDERSTAND???? Like, how do you even know what everything is and where it goes and how it works and just.....what?!?! I have NEVER understood that! It completely baffles me. Especially after having sex! 
I was 17 when I lost my virginity and (due to many complicated things that have happened since) I wish that it hadn’t happened, but I’m also grateful it did because I learned a lot and my life has taken a path I never quite imagined that it wouldn’t have otherwise. But God has really put abstinence on my heart in the last year and I have dedicated my life to that now.
So please, DO NOT DO ANYTHING YOU DON’T WANT TO DO. You CAN say no! And if you feel called to a path of abstinence, then you follow that path, darling! I think is wonderful and amazing and it really makes me so happy to hear. 
However, I know how hard it is when everybody else around you seems to be having sex. Sexual temptation is hard, so hard to deal with. But God won’t give us anything we can’t handle! 
Now...
I can honestly relate to so much of what you are saying on such a deep level that it is a little scary. Throughout school I struggled with my weight and my looks and I’ve always been socially awkward and kind of the ‘weird girl’. I’ve also always been rather smart, the top of my class, always got great grades and cared about my work, blah blah blah. Guys didn’t notice me, and the few that did weren’t ones that I necessarily reciprocated feelings for. 
So, I know exactly how lonely, difficult and disappointing that existence can be. Especially when you see all your friends or just others around you getting hit on or dating people or in what seem to be amazing relationships. 
But then came Ethan. 
He and I were together for three years. That relationship was toxic right out of the gate. We were so off and on it was ridiculous. He used me for sexual things. He practically cheated on me, multiple times. And yet he’d tell me how much he loved me and cared about me and couldn’t be without me in his life. And I just took it. All of it. 
Until one day I said, ‘I’m a human being and I deserve to be treated with respect and love’. To keep from boring you with all the gory details, I ended up breaking up with him several months after. And a lot of that breakup had to do with the fact that he was a major temptation in my life and God was telling me basically ‘hey, time to stop doing sexual things and start saving yourself for marriage!’ 
So trust me, relationships aren’t all they seem to be cracked up to be.
And now here I am, trying my best to be a single Christian girl in a world that seems to go very much against all of that (being single and a Christian). And it is tough. So very tough.
I am lonely. Hell, I was in a relationship for 3 years! I’m not used to this whole single thing lol so I completely understand. And all of a sudden it’s like nobody notices me again. I’m back to being that invisible girl, too shy to speak up and when she does it doesn’t seem to get her anywhere. Somewhere between pretty and not pretty enough, always stuck in the in-between of everything. Smart, but not quite smart enough. Skinny, but not quite skinny enough. Blah blah blah.
And it is SO frustrating to see all these people that look superficial or shallow or whatever getting all this attention when you know that you have so much to give. I feel that way all the time! 
So I completely, 100% understand. I do! 
But the most important thing to remember is that God loves you. He will always love you. You will always be His child, His beloved, made in His image and beautiful just the way you are. 
I know it’s hard. It’s so hard. But let the Lord guide you, and I promise He will never steer you wrong! 
You’re right, not having a partner right now isn’t the end of the world. But it does suck sometimes. And when those feelings settle in, turn to God for comfort and guidance. Let Him fill up that part that seems to be lacking. Because He’ll do it better than anybody ever could.
Honestly, honey, the best advice I can give is to just keep your chin up. Hold your head high, know your own worth, and don’t compromise it for anything. I know it sucks, I know it’s hard, I know it’s lonely. But one day, one day it’ll pay off. Trust in the Lord, He will provide! He will never give you anything more than you can handle. And He will always love you.
I hope this helped at least a little bit! Please feel free to message me privately if you feel comfortable or send in another anonymous message :) I will always be here to talk and try my best to offer advice and love!!!
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