#i do so love dream experiencing panic though

[wyvernquill]

I am BEGGING for more anastasia au. I need Dream to realize what Hob has done for him twice over and reckon with the fact he sent Hob away so coldly! So cruelly! I wanna grab him by his scrawny shoulders and give him a good rattling to get that brain working!!

Soooo this was HIGHLY requested, Dream Finding Out, and while I did write up the Bad Ending version of that already over here, now it's time for the proper scene! All 3k words of it. It got long. Hope you enjoy, everyone!

I also set up a masterpost for the AU here, which I've pinned and will update as I post new parts!

(Tag list: @10moonymhrivertam @martybaker @globglobglobglobob @anonymoustitans @sunshines-fabulous-legs @dreamsofapiratelife @malice-kingdom and finally @acedragontype too because of the ask answer included here.)

Dream is given a room.

It is strange and uncomfortable, to live with his siblings, and in such a humble abode. Part of him misses his palace, the endless expanse of the Dreaming, and another part thinks this is far too grand a place for a man who had spent the past few years mostly sleeping rough.

(And yet another part thinks longingly of modest little inns or ship cabins or train compartments, of uncomfortable train station benches barely wide enough for two but now fitting three, his head on Hob's shoulder as they are both dozing off - but he does not pay much heed to that part.

It was a temporary delusion. A lovely dream.

It's over now.)

Still, he is glad for it. In an exhausted, melancholy way, perhaps, but still he is glad. Before… before Murphy, he had thought he would never see any member of his family again (except, perhaps, Death, at the end), would never walk free, would never regain even a fraction of the powers humanity has robbed him of - this is a gift. This little magical refuge-space for what remains of the Endless, the scraps of magic he feels flickering in his ruby, Matthew faithful by his side - it is more than cruel and greedy humans would have wanted him to have, so he is glad.

Though it is not so easy, some days, to remind himself of that.

"Dream?"

"Dear sister." Dream raises his head from a collection of plays he has found in the House's modest library, and gestures to invite Death into the room. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"You weren't at dinner, I wanted to check up on you. See if you were alright. And…" Death holds up a plate. "...also to bring you some sandwiches."

"That is kind of you." Dream avoids her gaze. "I merely felt unfit for company tonight. And require no sustenance, in any case."

"Don't you?" Death sets the plate down on the low table next to Dream's armchair, and pulls another up opposite him. "Destiny does, now. Desire too, I think, though of course they don’t like to admit it. Despair feels heat and cold - you've seen her in her new knitwear, haven't you - and Delirium has a human's sense of balance. Very frustrating for her, as I'm sure you can imagine."

Dream glances up, frowning.

"We have been weakened, Dream. Damaged." Death points out, carefully, gently, with a sad smile. "All of us. We are Endless, still, of course, and we will rebuild, recover our realms and tools and powers eventually - but, for now, perhaps for a long while yet, we aren't as we were. New requirements, new struggles. We don't have daily dinners the way we used to have "family dinners" - our brother and sibling need to eat and drink, and we eat with them to show we care and are there for them in their time of need."

"Ah." Dream swallows. "I will… make efforts to attend. From now on."

"Good." Death smiles, approving. "You were missed, Dream. Dearly missed. We are all ever so glad to have you back."

"Even Desire?"

"Especially Desire."

A moment of silence.

Death nudges the plate of sandwiches closer, and Dream takes one, tearing off bits to feed to Matthew on his shoulder - and, when Death raises an eyebrow, to nibble at himself.

(Sharing all his food with his birds was ever Murphy’s habit, and Dream finds it hard to shake, the pattern of feeding Matthew first and foremost.)

"What of you?" He asks, after a tiny bite.

"Hm?" Death blinks.

"What new painfully human need do you suffer from, sister?"

Death grimaces, a little awkwardly.

"...I need to sleep. Every night." She finally admits. "And I was glad for it."

She leans out of her armchair, putting her hand on his knee.

"It made me feel just a little closer to my lost brother."

Dream regards her hand - and then moves his own from the armrest, covering hers with it.

(Murphy used to scoff at Death of the Endless, offering up immortality for the safe return of her brother. Had thought it foolish, to offer so much for a wisp of hope, to potentially give immortal life to someone cruel and undeserving.

He understands better, now, he remembers - Death loves him, and he loves her, and there is nothing else that could possibly matter.)

"Are… are you okay?" Death asks, softly, concern seeping through the gentle lines of her face. "Be honest, now, Dream. Please. I worry, and if there is anything we can help you with-"

“I am well, my sister.” Dream says. And then, for the sake of honesty, “or as well as one can be, under the circumstances.”

Death keeps watching him with something imploring in her gaze, so he continues, haltingly.

“I… I am ill-used to these circumstances, still, which are a great improvement over my time as… my absence, and are yet much worse than what I was accustomed to before.” Dream confesses, slowly. “My people have been greatly diminished, and I grieve for them. I grieve for my home, my realm - as all of us Endless do. I thank you for your concern, sister, but there is no aid you could render me that I do not already receive.”

“I can at least listen and be there.” A last squeeze to his hand, before she leans back into her seat. “And assure you that your people are much better for having you returned to them. They were flocking here even before, and… to be honest, none of us were entirely sure what to do with them.”

“Lucienne has told me as much.” Dream inclines his head in acknowledgement. “And I shall see what can and must be done. More nightmares have survived and returned than dreams, so I must make some anew to restore the balance - or change nightmares to dreams. Gault has already volunteered, and I shall grant her request as soon as I have strength enough in me to attempt it.”

(In the past, he might have refused - but his years as Murphy have taught Dream many things about the self, about change… and about the discomfort of existing as one thing when part of you yearns to be another. He will not change any against their will, as the Magus attempted and half-succeeded to do to Dream - but this is Gault’s earnest wish, and they have all lost so much, must all arrange themselves with these new circumstances.

He should like to gift her a little happiness, where he can.)

“Good. I’m happy for her.” Death smiles. "Speaking of your Major Arcana - Gilbert is somewhat anxious that you're going to unmake him. Or at least I assume as much, from him asking some rather philosophical questions about whether dreams die the same way living things do."

Dream knows, and Dream knows he should. With his powers reduced so, he cannot risk keeping a Dreaming creature close who might be… convinced to scheme against him and his. Fiddler's Green was equally complicit in the plot to trick the Endless, just as guilty as Hob. And yet…

"I cannot find it in my heart to punish him for his transgression." Dream half-sighs, fondly. Dear, foolhearted Gilbert. "It is in his nature to mean well, that is how I made him. He is not greedy and cruel as humans are."

"Humans aren't 'as greedy and cruel as humans are', Dream." Death points out, frowning lightly. "Some are, yes. I can't and won't deny that. Others are kind and generous and loving in ways we Endless can hardly fathom. Would you say all dreams are horrid things designed to frighten only because nightmares exist?"

"That is not the same."

"Isn't it?"

Another moment of quiet.

And then Death says, knowingly, “it’s not about humanity as a whole at all, is it? You’re angry with Hob Gadling in particular.”

Dream tenses at the name.

“Aren’t you?” He shoots back. “It is you he swindled and schemed against.”

“Who is talking of swindling? What schemes?” Death shrugs. “I asked for my brother back. He delivered. Impeccable service is what I’d call that.”

“Pure happenstance.” Dream would have spat out the words, if that sort of behaviour wasn’t so beneath one of the Endless. “He is a man of good fortune, not of sound morals. I despise him for it.”

“I don’t. I won’t.” His sister insists, unwavering. “He protected you, Dream, he saved your life many times over, and without him, I wouldn’t be sitting here now, talking to my little brother, seeing him alive and well. I’m going to be grateful to Hob Gadling until the heat death of the universe, and perhaps, who knows, in whatever comes afterwards, too.”

Dream swallows a scoff.

"Well. I cannot deny that he fought fiercely… to protect his chance at your boon." He mutters bitterly. "That I represented it was but coincidence. Even now, with his assurance that he will eliminate the assassin who has been pursuing us, I am sure he does so only out of self-interest."

"...what," says Death.

"Did he not tell you? There was a man attempting to kill me - I did not recognise him at the time, though I suspect I might recall him now - and Hob Gadling intends to do away with him." Another scoff that Dream cannot suppress, this time. "I should not trust him with it, but he has offered - and with his newfound immortality, he is quite ideal for the task."

"His immorta-" There is something strange and stricken in his sister's face now. "Dream. Do you think- has he not told you?"

It is Dream's turn now, to say "what", a strange sense of foreboding settling in his chest. Death is fixing him with the sort of expression he recalls from accompanying her on her daily business, tender and compassionate and apologetic, on the brink of imparting the worst of news - though there is a private horror in the depth of her eyes.

"Oh, Dream," she whispers, reaching for his hand again. "Dream."

"My sister, what is it that I do not know?" Dream feels himself teeter on the brink of panic, gripping her fingers tightly. "What has Hob Gadling done?"

"He refused the reward, Dream." Death tells him, with grief and condolences echoing in her voice. "He's as mortal as any man."

"No," says Dream.

"No!" he snarls, tearing his hand from Death's, rising so abruptly that Matthew squawks and flutters off his shoulder. "You lie! He would have- he would have said-"

"Lie? I would never lie to you!" Death rises too, anger sparking in her eyes. "I thought you knew! Lucienne said he spoke to you!"

"Not about this!" Dream thunders, pacing back and forth, robe swirling dark and angrily around his form. He has fallen now, right off of the cliff, into an abyss of terror, and feels himself drowning. "Why would he- impossible! He must be- what if he tricked you-!"

Something bounces off of the side of his head. Death has thrown one of the sandwiches at him.

"Give me some credit here!" She snaps. "I'm Death of the bloody Endless, I know if I've given a guy immortal life or not! And I haven't! Because he said he does not deserve a reward for trying to trick us!"

("I would give you another boon," Death had offered, frowning, after Hob's polite and apologetic - and insincere, he had wanted immortality still and was forcefully and reluctantly denying himself - refusal. "Whatever you wish for. You have given me back my brother, I would see you rewarded for it."

"Unfortunately," Hob had sighed, his eyes sad and yearning and wistful, "I want only two things, first and foremost. One is immortality, which I have not earned. And the other is something you cannot give me, kind lady, and without which immortality would not be half as sweet besides." A bitter laugh. "I am sure I needn't say more."

He had not. Death understood.)

Dream blinks at Death once, twice - and then turns away, pressing his bony palms hard against his eyes (they burn and yet leak fluid both at the same time), breaths coming in short gasps.

He does not normally need to breathe, he doesn't think, but he needs it now, the hollow star-cavern of his chest tight and constricted as if it held human lungs, a human heart - which it does not. It cannot. Not anymore.

“Dream-” He hears Death behind him, Matthew’s worried and imploring caw - but all he can think of is wiping Hob Gadling’s precious life’s blood from his injured cheek, and sharing a breath (nearly more) for one slow, tender second. Of strong hands holding him close, of smiles and winks, of that final exchange and the tears in Hob’s eyes.

Farewell forever, indeed! Hob certainly intended it to be, that accursed man, intended to go and die and leave Dream-

“Do it now!” Dream bursts out - and how shameful it is that he loses control of himself so in his frantic desperation, no better than he was as a human - and whirls around to face Death again. “Sister, you must do it now - give him his immortality, he is a fool, he knows not what he rejects! Ignore his foolish protests, he has served you well, has placed himself in great peril for me, give him his reward!”

“I-” Death begins, but Dream does not let her speak. He swears he can feel a heart thudding a panicked beat in his chest, and it hurts.

“My sister, please!” He grasps her hands, his own shaking. “Whoever pursued us is no match for a mortal man, he is throwing his life away, I know it! Do not let him die, do not take him from me-”

“Dream!” Death’s voice is sharp enough to cause him to falter. “There’s nothing I can do.”

Dream wavers, shivers, and Death gentles, though her face remains lined with worry and frustration.

“The reach of my powers isn’t what it once was, I don’t have that level of control over life and death anymore. I could make him immortal if he stood in front of me, but not… not like this.” Dream can tell it isn’t easy for her to admit this, to not be the supportive, steadfast older sister she has been to her siblings through this disaster. “By the Creator, Dream, why couldn’t you have talked all of this out with him sooner!? Now look at the mess we’ve gotten ourselves in!”

“If he stood in front of you? You could shield him then?” Dream repeats, seizing on those words like a cat on an unsuspecting mouse, grasping at them like a lifeline. “I shall bring him before you, then, if that is what it takes.” A breath, shuddering, not as unnecessary as it by all rights ought to be. “Yes, I shall do that. Lucienne!”

He begins pacing again, as Lucienne slips into the room, her eyes flickering only briefly from Death’s harried expression of concern to Dream’s agitation, stopping only briefly at the thrown sandwich now on the floor - before a mask of professionalism slides over her face.

“I am at your service, my Lord.” She produces a quill and book from thin air. “Your orders?”

Ah, Lucienne. He has missed her, even when he didn’t know who or what he was missing, missed her clipped, practical nature, and unwavering support. She will serve him well, in this matter and any other.

(Sometimes, as Murphy, he stole books he liked the look of, hoarded them with vague plans of giving them to… someone or other, he’d never known who.

Those books are long gone, now. Sold, when the hunger and the cold became too much to bear, taken by police constables who’d caught wise of his thievery, or simply lost to the elements. But he knows who they were for, now. At least that.)

“Gather any suitable dream-creatures and tell them they are to find Hob Gadling and bring him here.” Dream instructs her, hoping the sharpness of his voice will disguise the tremor in it. “He cannot have gotten far - concentrate the search on this city, and impress on them that speed is of the utmost importance. Whoever finds him may name their reward, whatever is in my power they may have, I care not - only bring him here.”

A minute uptick of Lucienne’s brows as she notes this down, but she clearly knows better than to question Dream’s sudden change of policy in the matter of Hob Gadling. He will explain it to her - but not now, when time is of the essence.

“And, Lucienne?” Dream calls after her as she is already slipping out of the room again. “Hob is to be brought to me alive, and of sound body and mind. He is to be handled with care.”

“...alive?” She repeats, gaze once more flickering over to Death, brows drawing together. “Pardon me, but I was under the impression that he-”

“He’s not.” Death shakes her head, as grimly as Dream has ever seen her.

“Oh.” Lucienne blinks - and then says “oh!” again, eyes widening as understanding dawns in them. “...I see.”

A curt bow to Dream, to Death - and then she is gone. Dream has every trust that she will organise the search with all due haste and utmost efficiency, particularly now that she has… some inkling, of what has prompted Dream’s sudden concern for Hob Gadling’s person.

“You as well, Matthew.” Dream runs a finger over the raven’s wing. “Go and find him for me. Call on all the birds in the sky, have them aid us in this search.”

Matthew ducks his head, caws his agreement - and with a beat of his wings, passes through the border of this tucked-away in-between space into the human world, leaving nothing but a few feathers behind.

And then it is only Dream and Death.

For a moment, they stand together in silence.

And then Death walks up to him, and wraps him in her arms, wordlessly, a silent reassurance - silent, because they both know that she cannot in good faith promise him that all will be well, that Hob will be safe.

She has no control over it, and neither does Dream.

Dream turns his face into her hair, and understands, now, how she felt for near a decade; waiting, and fearing, and hoping, always hoping, for the safe return of one she loved.

#WyWrites #WyAnswers #dreamling #the sandman #anastasia dreamling au #can you tell that i love death (the character)? #she gets to throw a sandwich at her brother as a treat #thank you everyone for these asks! #i can tell everyone is aching for the resolution #but i might go back and fill in some of the blanks at the start next #the first meeting maybe i've got some ideas for that #i do so love dream experiencing panic though #and feeling so much more human for it #lucienne must have been so confused though #dream went from 'i do not care about hob gadling he is nothing to me' #to 'i will promise anything in my power for his safe return' #in the span of one (1) conversation with his sister #his priorities have been rapidly rearranged there #no time to deny you love the man if he might well be about to die for you

[kaleldobrev]

Please Don't Leave

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Summary: Dean's lucky to have you in his life and honestly doesn't know what he would ever do without you

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Cursing (3x), Fluff, Vulnerable/Angry Dean

Authors Note: The gif makes me sad | This might seem a little non canon but at the same time I honestly feel like Dean would react this way (fight me if you want, but I said what I said) | I just love this man so fucking much | Dream/Flashbacks are in italics | If you liked this, don’t forget to like & reblog. I really appreciate it! Feedback is always welcome ♡

Dean didn’t have a lot of consistencies in his life, but you were one of them. Out of everyone he had known in his life, you were one of the only people that had remained with him through all the heartbreak, all of the death, all of the blood, sweat, and tears that this life had. You had been through it all with him: Sam going to Stanford and leaving him behind, his fathers death, him selling his soul, the year that Sam went to Hell, the year the two of you were in Purgatory, the few months he was a demon, his bloodlust fueled by the Mark, him being possessed by Michael. He had an endless list of things that the two of you had been through together, things that would cause any normal or rational person to throw in the towel; but not you. “You can’t get rid of me Dean Winchester, not even if you kill me yourself.” You had joked. And that was something that he had almost done – and on several occasions too. And yet, you never left him. “I guess I’m just stupid.” You said. “Or maybe the sex me and you have is just that good.”

The sex he had with you, now that was something. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced; and he has had quite a lot of sex during his lifetime (not that he bragged about it of course). When the two of you initially met, it was only supposed to be a working relationship, a friends with benefits sort of deal. But eventually it turned into more. He wasn’t sure where him or you had gotten your wires crossed but they did; and it turned into you and him always finding each other at the end of the night regardless of the different men and women that had hit on both of you at the bar you two were at.

The sex used to be quick, usually done in either a drunken haze or after a tough hunt. But it eventually turned into something that either one of you would initiate through soft touches: a kiss on the forehead, a simple hand hold, or cuddling into each other. Once, in the middle of sex, he wasn’t sure why he had said it but he did. He kind of just blurted it out. “I love you.” Now that was something he never thought he’d ever say during sex before. But here you were beneath him, staring up at him with those doe eyes of yours that you frequently had during sex and said, “I love you too.” It was something he didn’t expect.

Dean didn’t know what he could or would possibly do if you weren’t in his life; and that was something he didn’t want to think about. But it was something that has been an unavoidable thought as of late. Waking up to you was one of the worst but best things after a nightmare of losing you. He would wake up in a panic, his heart racing, sweating; afraid that you were gone for good this time. But without fail, every single time you would be right there next to him. Either sound asleep or awake enough to tell him, “It’s okay, I’m right here.” He would always reply the same way. “Just…please don’t leave.” It was a simple yet complicated sentence. “I’m not going to. I’d never leave you.” Those words that you always uttered back should have been comforting to him, but it was just an empty promise – even though he knows that’s how you never intended it to sound. In your heart you loved him deeply, and he knew that. He knew that you’d never leave him; the two of you have been through everything together. But when it came to this life, it was hard to make and keep promises like that.

“Dean, I just can’t do this anymore I’m sorry.” Your words had cut into him like a knife. Like he’d been shot hundreds of times. The torture he received from Hell combined with the loss of his mother was child’s play compared to what he was currently feeling. He just started blankly at the two duffel bags at your feet as you stood in the doorway of the room the two of you shared. Well, formally shared that is. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” You asked, your question snapping him out of whatever trance he was in.

“There’s nothing to say.” Of course there were hundreds, no thousands of things that he had wanted to say to you, but he knew that he couldn’t say any of it. As much as he wanted to beg for you to stay, he wasn’t going to make you stay. Once you made up your mind that was it; there was no convincing you.

You looked at him with a confused expression. “You don’t even want to know why I’m leaving?” You asked, and Dean simply shook his head. “Why not?”

“It doesn’t really matter.” He tried to keep his voice even, to make you believe that he was okay. But he could tell that you knew he wasn’t (you knew him long enough to know when he was or wasn’t okay).

“Dean.” You said, your voice sounding more heartbroken than his.

“It’s alright. You don’t…you don’t have to explain yourself.” He said, taking a seat on the bed you two once shared.

“I feel like you deserve an explanation. We were together for almost twenty years Dean.” You sat down next to him on the bed. He had just wanted to push you away or wrap you in his arms. Two completely differently reactions, but that’s the way he felt. “Dean.” You touched his shoulder and he flinched, you quickly removed your hand. “I love you, and I know you know that but –”

“Please just…stop talking. I really don’t want to hear what you have to say.” His voice was more hurt now, and he could feel himself trying not to say or do anything that he was going to regret. He wanted to cry, but he didn’t want you to have to see that, despite seeing him do it so many times before. “Just, leave if you’re going to leave.” You didn’t move, simply just staring at him. “Go!” He snapped, and that’s when you got up.

You walked over to your bags, slinging one over your shoulder and holding the other one in your hands. “Goodbye Dean.” You said, before walking out of the room. For a while he heard the sound of your boots down the hall, but they suddenly became faint, almost inaudible. The Bunker door opened and closed again. You were gone. Gone for good this time.

“You said you’d never fucking leave.” He whispered to himself. “Said you’d never fucking leave me.” He pounded the bed with his fist. “You fucking lied!” He got up from the bed and he felt himself start to lose control; no longer in control of the emotions that had been building up when he had started watching you pack up your bags.

Dean woke up abruptly, sitting up. He was panicked, his heart racing. His breaths were heavy, his chest moving up and down. He rubbed his face, trying to fully wake himself up. There was no way he would be getting back to sleep for a while; not after that nightmare. “Y/N -” he began to say as he looked over to his right side; your side of the bed. You were gone. “Sweetheart?” He asked, his hand reached out and touched the emptiness next to him: it was cold.

He looked up at the door to the bedroom which was slightly ajar. The only light in the room came seeping in from the hallway. He didn’t remember having the door open, the door was always shut whenever the two of you slept. Despite how safe the Bunker was, sleeping with the door closed added an extra layer of safety, not just for him, but for you as well.

A shadow appeared, blocking some of the light. He reached over and opened the drawer of his nightstand, slightly gripping his gun that he always kept there. Before he could fully wrap his hand around the weapon you squeaked inside the room and shut the door again quietly. A huge amount of relief washed over him in that moment as he let go of the gun and closed the drawer. “Dean?” You questioned, upon hearing the drawer close. “Baby are you okay?” You asked, walking to sit on his side of the bed. He looked at you as you placed a hand on his cheek. Your eyes full of worry.

“You were…” his eyes flickered to your side of the bed that had been empty when he woke up before looking back at you again. “You were gone. When I woke up you…”

“It’s okay. I’m here.” You reassured him, your voice calm.

“Where did you go?” He asked tiredly.

“The bathroom. I really, really needed to pee.” You said, Dean chuckled a little at your comment. “You know I wouldn’t willingly leave you right?” You reassured him again. You felt him nod in your hand.

“I know.” His voice sounding just a hint sad. “I uh, I feel stupid for freaking out.” The sentence was a whisper.

“There’s nothing to feel stupid about Dean.” Another reassurance. Dean had every right to react the way he did; he had lost so much, even before you had met him. You had been with him through everything. Witnessed so much loss and endured just as much. “Was it a nightmare?”

He nodded. “Yeah. It was the…the one where you break up with me.” You hated that one just as much as he did.

“I’m never going to break up with you. I love you too damn much.” You said, giving him a smile. You crawled into bed next to him getting underneath the covers. “Come here.” You held out your arms for him, and without hesitation he went into them. He wrapped his arms around your torso and rested his head on your chest; your arms wrapping around the back of his neck. Your fingers started playing with his hair, gently massaging his head.

The two of you sat there in silence, both of you with your eyes closed. You weren’t sleeping, but you were unsure if he was. Even if he wasn’t, his breathing was starting to get more even, he was starting to calm down. Hearing the sound of your heartbeat always calmed him down. “Y/N?” Dean asked.

“Yes my love?” You asked, opening your eyes.

He looked up at you briefly, tiredly. “I know I don’t tell you enough but…I’m really lucky to have you in my life. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.” He kissed your neck, as that was one of the only spots he could currently reach.

“I’m lucky to have you in my life too.” You responded, giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

“And Sweetheart?” He asked again.

“Yeah?” You asked.

“Thank you…thank you for not leaving me.” His voice sounding a little pained. The sound of this sentence had broken your heart a bit. Leaving Dean was never an option for you, no matter what had happened between the two of you. Being with him wasn’t easy, but you couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. He was your person, the love of your life, your soulmate. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You kissed him on the top of the head again, and you could feel his smile.

That night, Dean didn’t have another nightmare, but he did dream. He had one of his favorite dreams; one that always gave him a sense of calmness and normalcy. The two of you would be just lying in bed together watching some random horror movie on tv. It was something that the two of you have done hundreds, no, thousands of times, so there would be no reason why it would be his so called favorite dream. What made it his favorite though was purely based on one small detail, a detail that made it known to him that it was in fact a dream: wedding rings would be on both of your fingers.

Someday maybe, he thought.

Tag List: @roseblue373 @beansproutmafia @queenie32 @deanwanddamons @missy420-0 @jackles010378 If you'd like to be on a tag list, just message me!

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #spn #supernatural #spn imagine #supernatural imagine #spn one shot #supernatural one shot #reader insert #female reader #Dean x you #dean x reader

[riding-the-sunset-bird]

I was in a Baxter mood today so I went swimming in GB Patch's blog for all the Baxter facts:

General

His personality, at least defined by GB Patch, is that he's sheltered and out-of-touch without being elitist or self-centered. He's preppy/posh, quite sociable, and hates conflict, but likes to go against what's expected of him. He grows out of being such a rich kid trust fund baby by Step 4.

His parents are bigots. He's the unlucky one in a sea of characters with supportive parents.

He has a distant French origin.

His birthday is the day his DLC came out, meaning May 19th.

He's 5'11" (180cm) in Step 4 (this was apparently reconfirmed on the Our Life Discord as well).

His natural hair color - a dark dusty gray that he hates - is uncommon to be born with (as opposed to aged into) in the Our Life universe.

Childhood

His dream job as a child was to get into investments, having a strong portfolio with diverse assets (he does not fully know what that means at the time).

He's a late bloomer.

Baxter's crush on Qiu from Our Life 2 is at its peak when he's 12 and 13 (13 being his age in Our Life 2's Step 1), but he's moving on by 14 (when he can potentially meet the MC in Soiree).

He met Qiu at their local dance hall (as they both took lessons there, just in different forms of dance) and also met Ren/Renee (Darren in Our Life 2's Step 1) through Qiu, as the two had known each other since they were very young.

He wasn't thrown off by his crush on Qiu despite Qiu being a boy, as Qiu was popular and it seemed "unfair" to Baxter not to be able to like him. He puts more thought into it as he grows older and what it means, deciding that he'll feel however he'll feel and not worry about what's expected of him. In Soiree, the MC can notice this if they're male or non-binary, as Baxter isn't bothered by dancing with someone who isn't female.

Abilities (or Lack Thereof)

He's a weak swimmer. He can swim fine in pools but would probably struggle in the ocean.

He can sing.

He's experienced in multiple types of dance (though his favorite is the waltz).

Step 3 Baxter is a lazy, bad cook who doesn't even want to bother with cooking, but Step 4 Baxter takes an interest in trying more fancy/restaurant-style food and is able to do so.

Likes/Dislikes

He likes things being clean, but isn't always motivated enough to maintain that.

He liked video games when he was a kid, leaning towards action/adventure ones, though doesn't anymore in his late teens and beyond. He would play life-based games (such as the Sims series) with the MC if asked, however, either playing innocent like he didn't know what he was doing while messing around with the characters or being blatantly obvious about it.

He doesn't like dancing in clubs/discos. He would try it once because he enjoys trying different types of dance, but would only go regularly if he had a friend/partner who liked going to such places.

He would absolutely approve of an MC who chooses to only wear black and white.

Romantic Inclinations

Beyond his crush on Qiu (who he never confessed to), Baxter dates people, but never for long or seriously.

The reason he backs out of asking out the MC if they say that he's their first crush (unless the MC is referring to his Soiree self) is that he feels they have idealized feelings for him and he'd disappoint them. He essentially panics, not wanting to get the MC's hopes up and especially on their very first feelings of romance.

The best way to romance him is to Not Let Him Escape.

When it comes to what he's attracted to in another person, he likes seeing nail polish, false lashes/heavy mascara/naturally long eyelashes, and full suits (especially if they're expertly tailored).

His love language in terms of receiving is Quality Time, but in terms of giving, he will happily adapt to whatever the MC wants.

Clothing Choices

When it comes to Step 4 Baxter's personal dress code, he's always meeting/formal ready (even when not working) unless he's doing anything athletic, in which case the button-downs get a break.

- Likewise, his closet is basically all button-downs and fancy suits with a few exceptions including clothes suited for the cold.

Assorted

He immediately finds the MC and Cove appealing (not necessarily crushing on them) at the start of Step 3 as "beautiful beach strangers."

He'd be flattered to hear from an MC that they love his laugh/find it charming.

He says "hallelujah" because he's pretentious.

He doesn't know French, but does occasionally drop a French word he knows during Step 3 to "add to his formal flair." His Step 4 self considers it embarrassing in hindsight.

During the wedding in Baxter's Step 4, he will have Jude send along a vegan cupcake to the MC if they're vegan.

Semi-revealed during one of his mornings with the MC in Step 4, he has a multi-step daily skincare routine.

His Future

He has no preference over who he'd prefer to be the one to propose to the other in his relationship with the MC.

He would absolutely want to plan his own wedding (whether for or with the MC, depending on whether they want to be involved). He would not want another planner included.

He doesn't have a preference when it comes to last names during a wedding. He's just in awe that he's marrying someone at all.

He might consider having facial hair at some point in his life.

When it comes to having kids, he doesn't have any particular age he'd prefer to have them and is more of a "when it feels right" kind of guy. In terms of the number of kids, none is his default but he'd prefer to have two if the MC wants them, as he finds the relationship between the MC and Liz to be lovely and was personally lonely as an only child.

🍋 (below are asks that might be considered risqué - especially going to the posts themselves on some - but I wanted to include them for the sake of having all the information in one place; know that me and my prudish nature pushed through this for the people who want it and I hope you appreciate it! >:o) 🍋

This one definitely goes without saying due to being a love interest in a game where the MC can be she/they/he even down to being intersex, but Baxter is pansexual.

Baxter isn't good at being sexually active beyond being with an MC who wants that. He tries to bond with others but either fails to have his interest reciprocated due to being too forward or backtracks if he senses that someone is actually into him. His relationships are short/inconsistent for that reason.

He would never sleep with the MC during Step 3. He's already planning on leaving and wouldn't risk souring the relationship at any point even if the MC would want it. He wants company more than he wants sex and would not want to be remembered as the guy who slept with the MC and then just left without contacting them again.

Between chests and backsides, Baxter prefers the latter.

Baxter is a top (though is flexible on the matter), is into BDSM, and "kind of" has a sir kink.

#olba #our life #our life: beginnings & always #baxter ward

[gr7mes]

STUPID “love makes you stupid.” carl grimes x walsh!reader

tags: angst, some fluff, violence, blood, 6x9

a/n: omg this req was SO good i am sosososo sorry i couldn’t execute it properly 😭 im not so proud of this one, but i hope its ok!! 

you and carl grimes had been best friends ever since you could walk. you both met when your dad brought you to "bring your kid to work day" down at the station. the scent of coffee and the echo of footsteps filled the air.

it started to seem extremely boring, until a stranger approached you and your dad. you saw a little boy standing next to him, and felt a little less lonely. the man recognized you, though you had no idea who he was. "hi there y/n, this is carl." he introduced.

ever since then, you guys were inseparable. you and carl had a bond which was special, it was like no other. you could be yourself around him, and you could tell carl felt the same. the ease, the comfort, like you didn't have to pretend to be anyone else when you were together.

as expected, seeing him for the first time after the apocalypse started unleashed a unique wave of relief within you. you vividly recall the both of you making eye contact and running toward each other. you hugged each other tightly, as if you'd been separated for years.

"i was so scared!" you said, clutching your doll in your hand. "you don't need to be scared anymore," he reassured. "i'm here to protect you." carl loved to be your knight in shining armor, even when you were young.

through all the dark days, and as you both grew older, you two had always been there for each other. no matter whatever crap life threw at you, you guys stuck together. walker got too close to you? dead.

"i would never let anything happen to you. don't worry." he would always say. he was your closest friend, your ride or die. growing up was hard enough during the apocalypse, but having each other made it bearable.

however, as time passed, you started to feel a different way towards him. you started to feel as if things wouldn't be so bad if you guys were more than friends. actually, it was starting to seem like it was all you could dream of.

you thought it was just a one time thing, but you were dumb to think so. you often found yourself blushing at the thought of him, and when he had caught you daydreaming, let's just say he was curious.

"come on, why can't you just tell me who you like?" he asked, growing more agitated by the second. "shut up, i don't like anyone." you said, rolling your eyes playfully. "bullshit, tell me who it is." he said, looking you in the eye, a grin plastered onto his pretty face.

"nope!" you replied, popping the "p."

carl grimes had stolen your heart, and there was no doubt about it. you knew he had you wrapped around his finger, it was quite obvious when you would stress whenever he got the tiniest injury.

"calm down, it's just a cut." "do you ever shut up?" you would say, reaching for the bandaids on the top shelves of your room. "it's really not as bad as it looks." you knew he was telling the truth, it was never that serious. however, you being you, you couldn't help but worry. 

but now? now it was actually serious. too serious. you felt the panic start to sink in the second you saw ron, a vengeful look on his face, pointing a gun in rick's direction. you froze when you realized who was in standing front of him. it was carl. your carl.

"you." ron said. your heart pounded against your ribs. your breaths were shallow and rapid, as a wave of terror gripped you. surely he wouldn't actually shoot. right? so many possibilities were going through your head at once, it was the worst thing you ever experienced.

fortunately, michonne came in a flash. you jumped slightly when her katana pierced through ron's skin. atleast it was all over now though. rick was alright. carl was alright.

or so you thought.

BANG!

his stupid fucking finger slipped. 

all of your negative thoughts came flooding back into your mind the moment the sound of the gunshot hit your eardrums. however, among all of your worries, there was one most prominent. where did the bullet go?

your eyes darted around before your gaze landed on carl. he had his head down, and when he looked up, it felt as if all the air in your lungs had been sucked out of your body. "dad?" he whimpered out.

he had been shot. in the head. directly into his eyesocket. the amount of blood flowing down his face made you sick to your stomach. it was only a matter of seconds before his body went limp and fell to the ground.

you never knew it was possible to feel this angry. there was no way in hell that just happened, and you couldn't do anything to stop it. it should've been you.

your facial expression contorted into one showing pure horror and anxiety. your eyes widened, tears at the rim, threatening to fall out. you breathed heavily, as you felt anguish and rage twist within you. rick lifted carl into his arms and carried him. that was your cue to pull out your knife.

you and michonne ran in front of rick and carl, killing walkers one by one. you were going ballistic, slashing every walker you possibly could, grunts escaping your mouth with every stab. you were going on a rampage, you weren't even thinking, you were just so enraged. how could you have let that happen to him?

blood splattered across your face, but you barely even noticed. hot tears streamed down your cheeks. each drop carried the weight of frustration and sorrow, their salty taste bitter on your lips. your body started to grow tired, but you kept pushing. dozens of walkers were laying on the ground.

now, the focus was getting carl help. and that's what you wanted. but you just couldn't stop. you were about to plunge your bloody knife into yet another walker, but michonne caught your arm in mid-air.

"that's enough." she said. she noticed how your chest rose and fell at a rapid pace, and the way you looked like you wanted to watch the world burn.

she took the knife from your grasp before putting her hand around your shoulder for a few seconds to calm you down. "we have to hurry." she continued to kill every walker in her sight, one by one. you didn't care that your body hurt like hell, you didn't care about all the blood splattered onto you, you didn't care that you were exhausted.

the only thing you cared about was carl. would he be okay? was this the end? were you gonna lose your other half? your heart ached. you weren't even gonna get to tell him how you felt about him.

after what seemed like hours of running and fighting, you found yourself laying down in the infirmary bed next to carl's. he'd been patched up before you. he was sleeping, and you were glad he was getting the rest he needed.

but every time you looked at him, your chest tightened. he should've never even have to be here. he should've never had to go through that, ever.

daryl had a chair pulled up next to your bed. he was like a father figure to you after shane died. he sighed, wiping your now crimson splattered arms with a wet rag to clean off the blood. "y' used the knife i gave you?" he said, not looking up from your arm. "yeah, it's the best i have."

the silence in the room was so loud. it's not that he was disappointed in you, he was proud you were able to defend yourself. it was the fact that you could've died and you still kept pushing that made him so quiet. he cared about you a lot, and he knew you didn't have to fight so hard, especially at your age.

"why'd you do that?" he asks, finally making eye contact with you. you let out a breath before opening your mouth to speak, "love makes you stupid."

it felt nice, to finally be able to talk to someone about your feelings for the blue eyed boy. after all, you were never gonna tell him, so atleast you could tell someone. "damn right it does." he replied, before lighty ruffling your hair. 

"get some sleep, okay kiddo?" daryl said, wiping the last of the blood off your arms. "yeah, jus- please don't te-" "i won't tell a soul." he cut you off, already knowing what you were gonna ask of him. "thanks." you said, smiling.

little did you know, daryl wasn't the only person who heard your late night confession. a "sleeping" carl stirred in his bed, now facing the wall in the opposite direction of you. perhaps it was the exhaustion getting to you, but you could've sworn you heard a light chuckle.

#carl grimes #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes x y/n #the walking dead #carl grimes x fem!reader #twd x reader #twd #carl grimes angst #carl grimes fluff #carl grimes imagines #carl grimes oneshot #twd imagines #twd oneshot #twd fanfiction #chandler riggs

[notyourmajesty]

Head empty no thoughts save for one: Henry's self-soothing shoulder dips

So a lot of people did point out certain self-soothing gestures Henry does when he's very stressed or panic mode...or sometimes even as a bit of a habit that keeps him grounded. Like fiddling with his ring or tilting his head to a side.

On my last few rewatches I've also started to think that Henry also has a tendency to fold in on himself when he's feeling overwhelmed. I've only noticed it in two scenes so far, and I've been making a connection since.

The first time I noticed it was in the lake/almost-confession scene, where Alex speaks about a possible future unaware that the conversation is sending Henry into a panic. As soon as Alex tells him about the rope in his chest that keeps pulling him close to Henry, we see his shoulders move a little closer together, utter devastation written all over his face (I don't know whether this gif accurately shows that exact moment, but if it doesn't, here's the scene).

I feel like this is something he does as a self-soothing gesture. Something he does when he is aware he is getting into panic mode and needs to feel safe without anyone else noticing. Like he can feel the walls closing in on him, the exact thing he feared ("I can't afford for you to fall in love with me") this close to becoming a reality. His most fervent dream and his deepest nightmare all rolled in one.

So he does what he can do before Alex speaks that terrifying truth into existence. He folds in on himself, and jumps.

I noticed a similar version of this action in the scene after the V&A dance, when Henry wakes up in Alex's arms the next morning. The context and the intent here, though, is very different. Often, for me, the most striking thing was always Alex's tight grip on Henry's wrist, reflecting both his fear of abandonment and the heartbreak he experienced when Henry left. And of course, Henry's little smile when he wakes up and remembers.

But on the rewatches I noticed that familiar little shoulder-dip action again, and this time the meaning of that gesture seemed to be that he DID feel safe. That Alex's presence, and touch, makes him feel safe. That Alex's arm around him was a reassurance he didn't expect to gain, that this is a moment that is all his to savour. He finds comfort in that embrace, and if anything that little shoulder-gesture will only pull Alex's arm closer to him.

Edit: @hopelessromanticlittleshit and @tell-a-tale also pointed out a scene of Henry's during Alex's official White House statement about the leaks, when he (and Shaan on his behalf) are being silenced by the "wrinkled old white man" representing Buckingham Palace.

There is some shoulder action here too - again, in a different way and with a different context. In the other two scenes the gesture signifies either an attempt to protect himself or to an expression that he feels reassured and safe. Here his shoulders slump and his head tilts slightly- as a sign of utter defeat. Here he recognises the powerlessness of his position; he isn't even permitted a voice in a situation that has affected him. The head tilt here is a signifier of how disconnected he feels from this entire conversation.

This is a man who feels lost...and who feels he has lost a battle he's been fighting his whole life. (GOSH do I have things to say about Henry's Kensington sequences during Alex's speech!!!)

This also makes me think of the boys' relationship with touch. I've always felt like...of the two, Alex is the more obviously tactile one. It shines through every scene he has with every character. He snuggles with his mother after coming out to her. Nora and Alex sit close together in gestures of casual platonic intimacy. Even with Zahra, his "mean friend" you have that moment when a grateful Alex says "I could kiss you!" and her immediate response is "touch me and die". Even with the young women at the New Year party, he is comfortable with their touches, accepting kisses from them in the joy and exuberance of ringing in a new year.

With Henry, even at the height of his resentment, Alex touches his shoulder with his cake covered hand, bridges the gap between them during the interviews quicker, grabs his hand over a box of Cornettos. He's the one who wants to talk after Henry's kissed him and he's the one who makes the first move. Touch is important to Alex. It's how he seeks comfort, it's also how he seeks to soothe his loved ones.

Henry on the other hyperfocuses on the environment they're in, the people around them. Forever under the pressure of being gawked at, having his picture taken, his privacy never really his. The only people we see him close to are Percy and Bea - and in the one scene that Henry and Bea have together their touches on either others hands and arms are tentative, delicate. Careful.

(In a lot of ways Alex breaks through this barrier early on even as someone Henry barely talks to - the cakegate scene is FULL of little touches and pokes and jabs the two exchange, even though they're built up in the story as being antagonistic to each other at this point)

Hell, the first time Henry allows himself to be reckless and actually kiss Alex the way he has so desperately wanted to for years, he beats himself up over it, and punishes himself by avoiding any contact with Alex.

The few times Alex approaches to touch him without a second thought, Henry quickly, almost remorsefully, alerts Alex of their surroundings. But in the privacy of their rooms, he touches Alex with a certain desperation, a certain need to grab hold of the few moments that will belong only to them.

Alex is generous with his touch. Henry hoards the few moments of touch he gets like a priceless unexpected treasure that he has no hope of ever getting a second time.

I swear I intended this gd post to be about Henry's shoulder-dips only but somehow it turned into a different beast altogether 🤧

#rwrb movie #rwrb thoughts #alex claremont diaz #henry fox #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry george edward james hanover stuart fox #taylor zakhar perez #nicholas galitzine #firstprince #these two always get me all in my feels 🤧🤧🤧 #red white & royal blue #red white and royal blue #long post

[the-peak-tmnt]

So Leo sees the world through Raphs or his other brothers eyes right? Does it look normal or is it like fuzzier or blurrier? Or maybe the vision isn't blurry but the comprehension of whats happening blurs in and out a little bit?? I bet Leos perspective of everything happening is so disorientating and sad. Anyway here's a drawing I did. I really like your work!

AHHHH THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!!

Holy shit, I love this so much! The colors are amazing, especially with Leo and his shadow against them. And the way he’s boxed in to reflect his captivity…incredible imagery! Raph and Mikey's expressions are just so perfect, too! Just WOW dude! I’m so blown away by your visual interpretation of what Leo is seeing!!!

Thank you so much for the fan art 😭 It’s impossible to express how much it means to me when people are inspired by the story enough to create something. Seriously just so, so, SO rewarding, and it inspires me right back! THANK YOU!

Also, I love this question! I'm absolutely dying to reveal more about how the mental link between the brothers works, and how Leo experiences the world  beyond the place he’s being kept through Raph.

If things go according to plan, we will learn more about this in about 3 to 4 chapters. But I can’t help myself but give a little bit away early since you asked! If you aren’t afraid of some tiny spoilers, I’ll add more below the cut!

SPOILERS (KINDA?)

You totally hit the nail on the head! I literally have the word “disorienting” in my WIP document for a later chapter, because that’s the perfect description of how it feels for Leo at first.

As he continues to develop his skills over time, things become clearer whenever he “tags along” with Raph. He didn’t lie to Raph in Chapter 13 about not being able to hear Raph’s thoughts as clearly as he can when they’re in the dream room together. When Raph is awake and Leo is tagging along, he’s perceiving Raph’s sensory experience more so than his emotional state.

The turtles’ emotional states DO affect the “quality” of the connection, though. It’s implied that Leo’s been experiencing whatever media Raph is watching through the mind link, and that it’s clear enough that Leo can even hear dialogue. That’s because Raph is relaxed and (more or less) content when just hanging out watching YouTube or a movie.

The more unsettled, upset, or distressed Raph is, the less Leo can connect. This is why Leo tells Raph “I couldn’t feel you for a while” in Chapter 6. Raph had a panic attack/dissociative episode after speaking with Splinter, so Leo wasn’t able to connect with him at all. Leo doesn’t understand that’s what happened, though, thinking instead he maybe pushed the limits of their connection too far…

That being said, how everything works could very well change…if Raph ever decides to pick up that book again 😉

PS: I am losing my mind that you included Casey as something Leo saw! Because even though Raph/the reader doesn’t know it yet, Leo is aware that Casey has entered Raph’s life and this is IMPORTANT AHHHHHHH

#reciprocity asks #reciprocity fic #reciprocity #tmnt #tmnt mutant mayhem #mutant mayhem #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt mm #tmnt fandom #tmnt fanart #tmnt fanfic #mm raph #mm mikey #mm leo #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt fic

[jmdbjk]

Episode 2: Adolescence 

Beyond the Star, produced by HYBE Media Studio

They begin by conveying how important concerts are for them. Concerts. Not performances. Concerts.

They thought they “made it” in 2016 when they booked the Olympic Gymnastics Arena for a concert. It was the dream venue for idols at the time and are amazed they are performing there and never imagined they’d have a concert that big.

During the interviews where they are expressing their thoughts about what performing during concerts means to them, we see footage of different concerts illustrating what they are trying to explain. 

Hobi harkens back to their first concert in October 2014 for The Red Bullet tour, at Seoul’s AX Korea with 6,000 in attendance. He says they didn’t care about how many hundreds or thousands were there, they were just so thankful for the fans who came to see them.

Attendance rose at each progressive concert. Their fourth concert in 2015 had 13,500 in attendance at the Seoul Olympic Handball Gymnasium, and their fifth concert in May 2016 at the Olympic Gymnastics Arena, mentioned at the beginning of this episode, had 25,000 in the audience. They were in awe at how huge it was when they first arrive at that venue, looking out at the empty seats before they began rehearsing.

They were always so emotional during their ending ments, so thankful for what they were experiencing after knowing how hard they’d worked from debut up until the end of each one of those concerts.

In the early years, the hearts of those young men were bursting with passion and to see so many fans supporting them had to be an overwhelming relief, its no surprise their emotions overflowed.

Though they finally saw their hard work being appreciated, the joy was tempered with having to deal with pushback.

One of the things I noticed that was not mentioned yet in Episode 1 was how much pushback, bullying, negativity and hate they received from their peers and other fans outside their team and company from the very first day.

Working their asses off to fulfill their dreams while being faced with all that makes it even more amazing that they stuck with it. 

It was them against the entire kpop industry. We all know how much BTS is hated by other kpop fandoms. We see it daily on the X timeline. The jealousy is real, it's destructive and it's dangerous.

BTS is untouchable now but in 2013, Jungkook was 15 years old. A CHILD! Jin was 20! BigHit had no money. There was a point after debut when they were asked to move out of the dorm because the company couldn't afford it anymore. Underdogs is an understatement, truly what the hell did they think they were doing up against all these established kpop groups, their fandoms and the big 3 companies?

Now, in Episode 2, we start to hear how the guys handled all this. For some of them, they did not handle it very well. Namjoon talks about his panic attacks and how he avoids the internet and going online during a song/album release. 

In Episode 1 we saw Hobi and Jin so thrilled and excited, anxiously waiting and monitoring online their very first album release at midnight on June 13, 2013 and for Namjoon to tell us now he can’t enjoy the thrill of that is so devastating to me. 

When an artist sends their art out into the world, it is like a living part of themselves, an extension of themselves that they lay bare to the world. The visceral reaction of panic when seeing people hate you for it…and the amount of courage it takes to ignore that and keep going and make more art to release into the world…I challenge anyone to show me they have THAT amount of courage.

And I implore you to understand the depths these guys LOVE their fans ESPECIALLY BEFORE THEY WERE BIG to keep doing it in spite of the hate.

Yoongi was incredibly diplomatic when he says “we had a lot of unreasonable controversies.” I would have said "we had a lot of total fucking bullshit that meant nothing thrown at us by a bunch of stupid butt hurt people." There, I fixed it for you, Yoongi.

They had a ludicrous amount of people gunning for them, hating them for being successful, hating them for being different. Jealousy drives people to do the most hateful things.

Jimin says, “having to deny the bad rumors was always so upsetting.”

Namjoon recieved death threats during the Red Bullet Tour. Early on they were accused of chart manipulation because they sold so many albums. This is the company had no money, there was no money to spend on chart manipulation!

They were accused of plagiarism and brought to court and were exonerated because it wasn't true.

Jimin received death threats at the end of the Wings Tour.

Being the humans that they are, with feelings and emotions, Yoongi says they and the fans were getting desperate and spiteful in the face of all this backlash and hate. 

The fan song “2! 3!” was an anomaly. It is somewhat somber for a song dedicated to fans. Most fan songs are light and cheery. But this song fit the emotions BTS was experiencing and bonded them closer with their fans and was again, another instance of the members being sincere and genuine in their expressions. 

The emotional scenes of BTS standing on stage, Army singing the lyrics back at them, waving their purple plastic bagged Army bombs, has to be one of the best memories for them. A truly bonding moment between artist and fan.

December 2016, Mnet Asian Music Awards, they win Artist of the Year. It is their first major award. Yoongi says “in a movie, the ending credits are supposed to roll at this point.”

They’ve reached the top… as they knew it. End of story... 2016? Nope.

Early the next year while they were on the Wings Tour, they were told they were going to the United States for the Billboard Music Awards. No other Korean act had ever done that before. They had no expectations for that trip. They had no idea what they were supposed to do when they got there.

It’s kinda cute seeing them prepare and wondering what to expect. They are so young and you can tell they are trying to figure out if they’re supposed to try to emulate the image of a western pop star.

When they get out of the van at the red carpet event, they all look around the back of the van to the other side of the street and see the fans screaming at them. They knew who the real fans were and they wondered what everyone else thought: perhaps people were just curious about who they were. 

Namjoon wonders how different it may have been had they, the members, been a little more culturally proficient, meaning at that time, they were inexperienced, naive and ignorant about the impact they were making. It was all a big wonder to them at that point. They were thinking “do they even know who we are?” 

Then they win Billboard’s Social Artist award, not a major award but still, it had been won by Justin Bieber for many years prior and now it was BTS’ opportunity to kick in the door. And they did. With all seven pairs of feet. Western artists began to take note and wanted to collaborate with them. The thorn in the western music industry's side had arrived in the form of this team of 7 and their fans.

Yoongi thought it was a one-off token award, but then they were invited to perform at the AMA’s. They can’t believe they’ve made it that far. 

They are soaring and going places they never imagined they’d go. Everything seemed like a fairytale, the success, the adulation, the global attention…

But it was happening too fast, their young minds, their emotional development and sense of self never had a chance to mature and catch up to their work load and the pressures and expectations their image and success placed on them. They never had a chance to stop and assess themselves personally and consider if this level of fame was something they even wanted.

Literally, they never. stopped. working. When they say "we just kept running forward" that is not a euphemism, it is literal.

As soon as one event, concert, appearance, fan meet, photo shoot, shooting Run BTS, music shows, whatever was over, it was on to the next one...from plane to hotel to venue back to hotel back to plane, to be repeated over and over.

In mid-2017, by the time they talked about resting for a while, it was perilously close to being too late. They still had the rest of the Wings Tour to complete through December. Some of them had already considered quitting. Some did not possess the confidence to endure the burden. Some of them wondered if pausing was the right thing since they were doing so well. 

They were confused by how they could be feeling like this after they’d worked so hard to get to this point.

The title of this episode is "Adolescence" and it pertained not only to the members who were just emerging from it and their careers that had gotten past the starting line and now riding an almost out of control rocket to stardom. It also was a point in time for the company trying to get its feet under it, for its leader Bang PD trying to steer this team, to figure out how to manage this worldwide sensation they'd created.

Bang PD had to learn how to deal with his team's enormous success as he watched them begin to burn out. He embraced a philosophy of focusing on the importance for an artist to have autonomy and be happy as a person which was not a thing in the kpop industry at that time. He was worried about their mental well being and their happiness. He suggested a break.

They knew there was an "end" coming eventually. End of contract, military... et al. They pondered the inability to enjoy the fruits of their hard work and that it couldn't "end" with them being unhappy.

We know in 2018 they renegotiated their contracts. 

For a group as close as they were, as committed as they were to their careers and to each other, they had to come together and discuss how they were feeling while being burned out, they had to admit to each other they wanted to quit. We don’t know the nitty-gritty details of how it went down but they worked through it and re-committed to each other and their team.

They didn’t give up and that tells me not a single one of them are quitters.

My own personal thoughts are that they recognized they needed to stop at that specific point in time and regroup. They knew enlistment was coming eventually and the typical life-cycle of a kpop group had been about 7 years when idols aged and younger ones took their place. But they'd reached places in the stratosphere that none other had before. I think they paused, recalibrated and actually let themselves seriously think of a future after enlistment that would allow them to keep up this level of success, to keep pushing boundaries...and therefore they re-evaluated what was in that contract to include things that ensured their well-being so they could grow. That new contract was set to expire this year, well after Jin was supposed to be back from the military and most likely all of them. I am curious to know what that original 2018 contract planning included...

Anyway, I accidentally rambled a lot adding extra context and my own thoughts while watching this episode.

Review of Episode 3 next…

#bts beyond the star #jimin #jungkook #jin #taehyung #namjoon #hobi #yoongi

[vettelsvee]

INFINITY, a Sebastian Vettel fanfiction. 00. LOVE YOU GOODBYE

INFINITY MASTERLIST HERE!

warnings: seb and diana being MY favourite fanfic couple i've ever written, bad language, english not being my first language, break up. also, i wanna make a taglist so if you wanna be included just tell me in the comments so you won't miss future parts!

I dragged myself away from the cistern and composed myself, taking care not to get dizzy. I grabbed a piece of paper and wiped the corners of my lips to remove any possible remnants of vomit.

I headed to the bathroom almost automatically, and it didn't take me long to grab the toothbrush that I had gotten used to carrying since nausea had become part of my daily life. I tried to get rid of the acidity that had formed in my throat and the bad taste in my mouth, but as I already expected, and knowing that I had experienced it more times than I would have liked in the last month and a half, it was impossible for me.

"Diana, are you still there? Are you okay?" Britta's voice, accompanied by a few knocks on the door, snapped me out of my trance. I jumped, and I forced myself to respond even though it was the last thing I wanted:

"Yes, I'm coming!"

"Don't take too long," the woman replied. "Not because I don't want you to, but because Seb is worried about you."

Panic-stricken, I stifled the laughter that almost escaped me.

If only he knew what I was about to do...

"Don't worry, I'll be out soon," I replied.

I stared at myself in the mirror, contemplating my own reflection for longer than I would have liked. Minutes passed, and I lost track of them almost completely because I was aware that I had to put an end once and for all to that intrusive thought telling me that what I was about to do was wrong but inevitably the best.

I was going to break everything I had wanted since I was a child simply because things hadn't gone "well." Seb was at the peak of his professional career, continually surpassing himself in every race, making history while I, on the other hand, was still stuck in our hometown working in a dive bar, enduring drunks and brats who wanted to play at being adults because I hadn't been lucky, or maybe financially able, to study what I had yearned for since childhood.

I leaned on the sink, feeling the cold begin to penetrate my body. I felt a great tremor coursing through me, and it became increasingly difficult to stand. Tears filled my eyes as I faced the reality of what I was about to do, of the decision I had made.

If since my boyfriend began not only achieving his dreams but also making a name for himself in them, and thought I didn't deserve him because I was going in the opposite direction, now that I had become pregnant by him after the birth control pills I was taking had probably failed in who knows what way, I thought it even more.

Despite the love I still felt, and would probably always feel for Sebastian, since I took the pregnancy test with Hanna in one of the most remote shopping centers in Heppenheim, I knew that letting him know he was going to be a father was not part of my plans.

"Come on, Diana..." I said to myself, still looking at my reflection. "This is for Seb. This is for him and for his career."

I took a few deep breaths, feeling as if the lump in my throat was choking me. I looked at that blonde, German girl, full of insecurities once again. Her eyes reflected doubts and, above all, fear, and unfortunately, I sensed that it would continue to be so from today on, for life.

Controlling the tremor in my left hand, I slowly opened the bathroom door, as if I wanted to torture myself. Britta was sitting in one of the chairs, reviewing something in a notebook until I closed the door a little harder than I intended.

"Are you really okay?" she asked again, giving me an uncertain look. "I've been hearing you vomit for several weeks now. Don't you think you should see a doctor?"

The knot in my throat seemed to tighten a little more. See a doctor... Of course, I had seen a doctor! Four weeks and, today, four days of gestation was the answer, but nobody, beyond my parents and my best friend, could know.

"Yes, I'm fine," I replied quickly, trying to pretend as best as I could. "Don't worry. It's probably just a little stress," I added, praying that she believed me. "I haven't had time to go to the doctor, but I assure you, for heaven's sake, everything is fine."

And that's exactly why you're going to leave the love of your life today.

Roeske seemed to hesitate for a moment. Her lips remained slightly parted for a moment, as if she wanted to say something to me; not to mention her gaze: it gave me the feeling that she was far from convinced of what I was telling her.

"Whatever you say, Diana," she finally said, getting up from her seat. "But seriously, if you need to talk or anything else, I'm here for you."

"I know."

"Well, seeing that you're as smooth as silk, we'd better hurry," my still-boyfriend's public relations said to me again. "The final practice session is about to start, and Seb is probably worried about why we haven't returned yet."

I prepared to leave the room with her. I was more than determined to accompany her, but it was when we were almost out the door that I realized it was now or never.

I came to a sudden halt before we started descending from the driver's room to the garage, watching as the blonde hurried down the stairs, possibly knowing that we were running too late even though there were still about forty-five minutes left before the session began.

"Wait, Britta. Just a moment!"

I was convinced that my shout from the top of the stairs had been heard by more people than I would have liked. I prayed to become invisible as I saw some glances directed at me, including Roeske's, which made it difficult for me to articulate a word; not to mention the whirlwind of emotions I felt inside.

I had to calm down and act a little better, or else everything I had been pondering for longer than I would have liked would go down the drain.

"I'd like to talk to Seb... alone," I finally said.

"Diana Wagner," she said my name, now much more serious. "I know you've told me everything's fine, but... are you sure it really is? Is there really nothing wrong with you?"

No, everything is wrong, and yes, there's more going on than I'd like.

I knew I could trust Britta completely. I was sure that if I revealed the news to her before Vettel, she wouldn't say anything, at least not for the time being. I wanted to tell her; in fact, I would love to tell her because the woman was a second mother to me, but I knew I couldn't because, as soon as I left, there was the remote possibility that she would end up telling the blonde everything in a moment of weakness.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm great. It's nothing serious, don't worry," I replied with a sigh, trying not only to reassure the PR but also myself. "I just need to talk to him about... well, an unimportant matter."

"Of course. Go get him, I'll wait here. He's probably talking to Rocky or Horner about who knows what. He won't have gone far, especially considering how clear he made it that he was really looking forward to seeing you."

"Can you go get him?" I blurted out as if it were nothing.

I ignored what she had just said because now the nerves were gnawing at me. Britta also seemed to notice my anxiety, so I was grateful that she ignored it and acted as if nothing had happened.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw her nod, and I couldn't help but thank her for what she had just done for me.

"Lie down on the physio's table and try to rest a bit, you look a bit pale," she urged me. Reluctantly, and after being told a couple more times, I ended up obeying. "Seb won't be long in coming. You know that when it comes to you, he's capable of dropping anything."

And it was true. Once the woman left, I remained lying down, tracing small drawings with my index finger on my stomach and, as I whispered to what would supposedly be my child, a whirlwind of varied thoughts flooded my mind.

A small pressure settled in my chest when I became aware that the idea of breaking up with Sebastian was getting closer to becoming a reality. I didn't want to face it, and I largely refused to, but I knew that, for the sake of both of us, and especially his, it was the best.

Hiding the truth from the boy I had been loving for longer than I would like to admit was precisely the opposite of what I should do, but precisely because he was the most important person in my life, and I knew him almost as well as I knew myself, I knew that there would be time to play mom and dad in real life.

The only thing I should focus on this year was winning his fourth Formula 1 world championship, not learning how to change diapers or feed a baby.

My thoughts vanished when the door burst open, making me jump. Seb appeared with his suit hanging from his waist, his hair completely disheveled, and a face that revealed a concern appropriate to the situation I had not yet presented to him.

"Sunshine! Britta told me you're not feeling well. What happened? Do you want us to go to the doctor? I don't care about missing the practice sessions: you're the most important thing."

The German quickly took hold of my cheeks. I hadn't even sat up yet, and he was already trying to warm up my face with the palms of his hands, moving them from side to side and examining me as if he were a doctor and had the solution to my problems.

"I'm fine, love, calm down," I replied, freeing myself from his grip.

"I know you much more than I would like, Di. You're pale," he pointed out, "and you rarely get pale. The last time I saw you like this was when the police chased us after they caught you doing a not-so-legal concert in the school square."

My anxiety increased at his perception. I couldn't hide the lie I had concocted with Hanna for much longer.

"Seb, really, I'm fine," I insisted, swallowing hard as I tried to find the right words.

Seb didn't seem to agree, once again, with my response, and he didn't seem to want to let it go so easily.

For a moment, I was tempted to reveal the truth to him, especially when I noticed his eyes fixed on me, with no intention of looking away until I managed to say what I really wanted to tell him... As if he wanted to know that I was going to have a baby next January, if my gynecologist's calculations and the latest technology were not mistaken.

I gathered enough courage to look him in the eyes. His concern overwhelmed me completely; when he made the gesture to hug me, and I leaned into his arms, I knew I couldn't keep avoiding the truth.

"Seb..." I began to articulate, slowly separating myself from him, "the truth is that something is wrong."

The boy clenched his jaw and became completely serious.

"Tell me, Di. Whatever it is, you know you can tell me."

"I know, love. I want to tell you everything, but..." I started off relaxed, only to have my voice break at the end. "This is different, and it's going to be a bit difficult for me."

"What do you mean by different and difficult for you? Diana, what's going on?"

My hands fidgeted nervously as I tried to find the most appropriate way to hurt him as little as possible. I noticed that the German's nervous and worried tone had dissipated, and now anger seemed to be consuming him.

"I want to tell you, but I don't know how to do it without hurting you," I admitted in a whisper.

There it was, I had dropped it.

I didn't know what else to say, so I decided to wait for a reply from Sebastian. Anguish had taken hold of him, and I knew he was awaiting my words as much as I was waiting for his. His behavior wasn't helping me; on the contrary, the feeling of guilt had taken hold of me, as I had already anticipated, but there was no turning back now.

It was impossible for me to even think coherently enough to say something sensible.

I watched as now my boyfriend's gaze turned into pure pain, into a pleading search for answers that I didn't dare to give him.

"Seb..." I spoke again, struggling to maintain composure and simultaneously seeking his hand. "I need you to listen to me, please."

"I just want you to tell me the truth, Diana," he called me by my full name. That was the indicator that things were not going well, and they wouldn't be back to normal. "Whatever it is, I can deal with it."

"I don't want us to be together anymore," I declared. "I'm not in love with you anymore. I haven't been, for about a month or so."

The silence that filled the room after my false confession was too uncomfortable. Tears filled the boy's eyes; mine did too, but for a different reason than his.

He thought I had stopped loving him when the truth was that every day, especially now, I loved him more than ever.

"Why are you telling me this? Why, Diana?" he wanted to know. "I thought we were doing great... I really thought we were better than ever."

"I don't know, Seb," I murmured through sobs, trying to hide my face so he wouldn't see how truly affected I was. "There are... there are couples that stop loving each other, and that's what I think has happened with us."

"What can I do to make you fall in love with me again? I can't lose you. I can't lose the sunshine of my life, not when we promised each other a life together."

"You can't do anything, Seb, and I truly am sorry," I falsely admitted with sadness, trying not to succumb to his desperate plea. "Sometimes, things just stop being as they were in the beginning, and, well... what we had is no longer what it used to be."

"Of course, it's not the same as before! Everything was getting better until you decided to drop this bomb on me, Diana!" Sebastian yelled. "I was even going to ask you to..."

"And that's exactly why I feel it's best for us to move on, but each on our own path!" I interrupted with another shout.

It's not real, Diana. Everything you're saying is a lie.

I breathed in and out more times than I would have liked, but it was necessary. This charade to try to make Seb's life a little better was not only costing me the end of our relationship but also my mental health in the long run.

"Is there someone else, Diana?"

Vettel's voice oozed with anger. He was consumed by rage at the possibility of an answer he didn't want to hear. His fists, clenched tightly, causing his knuckles to turn white, were proof of this.

"No, not exactly."

And, once again, the veiled truth.

"What are you saying?" he snapped, getting closer and closer to me, consumed by anguish.

"I mean not exactly, but... yes. There is someone else, Seb," I admitted.

Shouts, full of reproaches, insults, and curses, filled the room. I tried to tune them out. I thought all of this was part of an act, and I tried to convince myself that, in the future, everything would be fine, when I knew it would be quite the opposite.

"How could you do this to me, Diana?! How could you deceive me after almost seven fucking years together?!" Sebastian yelled, unleashing his aggression on a vase that was on his desk, and throwing it to the ground, causing the water and flowers he had given me just a day ago to scatter. "We've lived through millions of experiences. We've grown and achieved our dreams, together, and now you leave me for some guy you've slept with on a whim?!"

"Do you think this is easy for me, Sebastian?" I retorted, my words being true for once. "Stop lying, okay? The only person who has fulfilled their dreams here is you," I told him, showing my disagreement on a topic I knew hurt me so much, and of which I was aware he mentioned to hurt me. "While you've been living your life as a driver and being the focus of attention for everyone, I've been working in the same lousy bar full of lecherous old men since I left high school," I yelled, furious. I knew this kind of stress wasn't good for the baby, but at this moment, I didn't care. "I've been saving as much as I could to build myself a prosperous future even though my salary was a pittance, composing songs and singing them hoping they'll reach someone someday, and won't be forgotten."

"I've told you millions of times that you don't need to work in that hellhole to have a good life," he protested, now much calmer. "With my salary, we can both live comfortably more than enough."

"I know," I replied calmly, although I was on the verge of a panic attack, "but I also know that I can achieve things on my own without anyone's help."

The blond laughed sarcastically. Immediately, he crossed his arms, lifted his head, and looked at me:

"You've always been too stubborn, Diana. I can see the future expectations you have. Ultimately, I understand everything: if you never managed to get into the Berlin art academy on your own, and you're still working at the same place after all this time..."

I stood there, motionless, not knowing what to say or do because I knew exactly what he meant with every word that came out of his mouth. I felt as if my feet were glued to the ground with cement; his words hitting me continuously, wanting to hurt me more and more.

"How dare you say that to me?"

If I was already touched and almost broken after all this conversation, now I was completely shattered. Seeing my reaction, tears streaming down my cheeks incessantly, the guy seemed to regret it.

Quickly, he approached me, opening his arms with the intention of burying me in them. I, as stubborn as he said I was, refused not only the hug but any kind of physical, and not so physical, contact he wanted to have with me.

"Di, I'm sorry... I didn't mean that," yes, that was clear, but it was already said and done. I made a mistake. Please, forgive me."

No matter how much he kept talking, trying to apologize and rectify the mistake, there was nothing more to be done.

Without saying anything else, I began to gather all my belongings from the driver's room of what could now be considered my ex-boyfriend's. I didn't want to; I didn't want to start the no-contact stage with the guy I had been in love with since I was ten, the one who had loved me like no one else ever had, and like no one else ever would.

I was saying goodbye to the father of my daughter to venture into raising her alone so that he could pursue his dream in peace, and achieve all those successes he so desired.

"What are you doing, Diana?"

"Packing. I'm leaving."

My eyes were fixed on the ground, my hands feeling the few belongings I had left to put in the small backpack I used to carry to the paddock. Now, I would have to go back to our hotel room and pack everything, put it in the suitcase as quickly as possible, and rush to the airport and pray not to miss the plane.

"What do you mean you're leaving?" he frowned, incredulous. "It's Friday, Diana, we have the whole weekend together."

"Well, from now on you'll have all the weekends ahead alone," I shook my head, unable to bear any more of his comments trying to make me stay. “From now on, you won't have me here anymore on weekends, or in your life either. I'm leaving your life, and I'm not coming back."

I repeated, emphasizing the last negation.

Vettel was speechless at my declaration. He shook his head constantly; he approached me, trying to take my belongings, but I prevented him.

As much as he wanted it, no: I wasn't going to stay.

"What do you mean by 'leaving my life and not coming back'?"

"It means I'm going back to Heppenheim, Sebastian," I turned to him, trying to maintain composure. “I'm going back, you'll end up coming back too even if we live... you live in Switzerland," I corrected myself immediately, "but I hope we never see each other again."

The firmness behind my words frightened me quite a bit. Everything was turning into a lie that, as the conversation progressed, had escalated, to the point where I doubted what was real and what was just the opposite.

"I really hope you achieve everything you set out to do," I continued, insisting to myself not to break down right there. "I hope you win the championship this year and get the four consecutive ones, as you've been wishing for so long. You, more than anyone, deserve them, and I know you're capable of that and much more."

I didn't say anything else because I had stopped being strong. I left, without looking back, the room where I had spent much more time than imaginable, and one of the many places that made up the story starring Sebastian Vettel and me.

I carefully descended the stairs. I walked with a false sense of security through the RedBull garage, dodging any questions about why I was crying, where I was going, and if I had argued with the team's golden boy, including the thousands of questions Britta Roeske kept asking me and that I was trying to ignore at all costs.

I felt curious eyes following me wherever I went, but I didn't care in the slightest. It was all done.

Now, we only had each other, the little pea, or whatever the size of the baby, and me.

"Di, wait!"

Sebastian's desperate shouts echoed behind me, getting closer and closer.

I stopped abruptly, clutching the only handle of the backpack hanging over my shoulder. I turned slowly towards the place where the voices seemed to be coming from and saw the driver running, almost breathless, as he wiped tears from his cheeks and even the ones still falling from his eyes.

"I love you, Di."

His voice was broken, and his hands acted on their own. Yet, that didn't stop him from taking my face in his hands and uniting us in a kiss that unleashed a whirlwind of emotions, where we tasted each other's tears as we had done so many times in our relationship. Where we exchanged millions of "I love yous" in a silence that only he and I knew perfectly.

"Please, don't go, Di," the German expressed.

"Seb, I love you too, but there's someone else."

At last, I had confessed... not in the most suitable way, but it was the right thing to do, especially considering what my goal was after this trail of lies.

"There's a new person in my life, and I'm afraid to tell you that, as much as I love you, I love her more than I love you, and I always will," I continued, knowing that each and every word I was saying about my baby, our baby, was true. "I love you, Sebastian Vettel, and I will never stop loving you, but that person, right now, is my main priority."

"Have you been cheated on me?"

Sometimes, silence was worth more than a thousand words. Just in this case, it was quite the opposite.

I stood still for a few seconds in front of him, internally debating whether to answer or leave as calmly as possible, without attracting any more attention than I already had. I chose the latter because neither my voice could come out nor could tears allow me to see clearly; not to mention my judgment, which had clouded to the point where I couldn't think clearly about what the next step should be to end this nightmare.

I ended up giving Seb one last look, whispering that I loved him and always would, even though it was over between us.

It only took me bowing my head, turning around, and continuing my path, fighting not to look back, to realize that I had made the biggest mistake of my life, and that I would never, for anything in the world, be able to forgive myself.

And I knew perfectly well that Seb wouldn't either.

next part: 01. LOVING HIM WAS RED (click here and you'll read it!)

#ferrari seb #formula 1 #sebastian vettel x reader #aston martin #ferrari #formula 1 imagine #formula one #red bull seb #seb vettel #sebastian vettel #sebastian vettel fanfiction #sebastian vettel fanfic #formula 1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #formula one fanfiction #vettel #sv5 #emma stone

[bootlegramdomneess]

The Bear Season 2 thoughts

After watching The Bear season 2 and letting things marinate, I think I’d like to share my thoughts. First, as a therapist, for me this show perfectly depicts trauma and its effects in its most raw form. It was so uncomfortable and heartbreaking to watch at times, I felt like one of the themes of this season is sacrifice. What are you willing to sacrifice to A. Discover your purpose and B. is it worth sacrificing so much for success? I saw this theme numerous times throughout the season particularly with the Star convo and from Chef Luca when Marcus asked if it is all worth it and the convo Carmy had with uncle Jimmy about the story of failure

 The Xmas episode: This was hard to watch. I had to keep pausing it. Donna is so dysregulated and disturbed. But what I really want to discus and Mikey and Carmy’s dynamic. Mikey is so troubled. He is so unwell. Mikey is Carmy’s hero, but I think Carmy doesn’t see how deeply troubled his brother is. Mikey admires Carmy so much because Carmy was brave enough to get away from the family to pursue his dreams. So heartbreaking.  SO MUCH DYSFUNCTION.

 Claire- Her character wasn’t fully developed, but I feel like maybe it was done purposefully. We are seeing her through Carmy’s eyes and Carmy doesn’t seem to really know how he feels about her, or know her.  He says he’s in love after being forced to choose a feeling, but really he’s only just connected with her. I think perhaps he is equating that feeling of enjoying being with her with love, or maybe even having sex with her with love. He latched onto Claire because she is good at comforting him. Many people who come from dysfunction struggle with this and will latch onto people who appear to be good at this.  He’s with her because he thinks, oh, this is fun and normal. He used the term seeking “FUN” but he is searching for normality without a clue as to what normal is. Even deeper, he’s searching for a true path to becoming a healthy adult.

  Carmy: I empathize with him so much.  I do see Carmy has made some progress. His insight has improved a bit as he recognizes how much trauma he has experienced and how it has manifested in his adult life.  He is trying. He is seeking to change. He has recognized the need to be less emotionally inhibited. His judgement is a little impaired though. He sort of thrives In Chaos. That’s why the alarm going off wasn’t bothering him. That’s why he created this entire scenario by getting in a serious relationship with a stranger. He is so emotionally inhibited: The excessive inhibition of spontaneous action, feeling, or communication, usually to avoid disapproval by others, feelings of shame, or losing control of one’s impulses. inhibition of Positive impulses (e.g., joy, affection, sexual excitement, play); (c) difficulty expressing vulnerability or communicating freely about one’s feelings, needs, and so forth; or (d) excessive emphasis on rationality while disregarding emotions. I think this is his main Schema. Yah boy is messed up and needs some one-on-one therapy. I can go on and on about this. There’s so much. Carmy’s actions are pretty on point for someone coming from trauma, dysfunctional parents, and alcoholic parents. He behavior breathes asshole, but really, he has a deeply wounded, lonely, angry, abandoned and abused inner child and his adult self needs some serious healing.  

 Sydney: I love how they wrote and expanded her character this season.  I love how vulnerable they showed her to be. How hard she worked to deal with the growing anxiety. I felt her loneliness when she was eating that giant sundae alone, but I also loved seeing her in her element. Her dad is an ace. She has such a grounding, funny, hardworking energy.

 Carmy and Sydney: my babies. Their dynamic is so sweet. So genuine. So raw and real. How many times has he had a panic attack and thoughts of Sydney grounded him? Like..sir. I also feel he’s trying to protect Sydney in a way, and I see this in the star conversation. Underneath his words he is saying: I had to give up so much to get this and I don’t want that for you. It’s hell. It’s fucking terrible pressure. You don’t want this, but also not saying it because maybe he doesn’t want to shatter or shit on her dreams and ambitions. The foreshadowing of the growing anxiety she’ll likely face in the next season with the receipt machine going off in her head was telling. I think this is what Carmy is warning her about. I love when she jokingly teases him. I appreciate how he notices things about her: “you like making people happy.” I like that she calls him out and communicates her needs to him. This is a slow burn. They’re so awkward. They want to hang out. I don’t think they realize they may have feelings yet or if they ever will. They are so much a like in certain aspects but so different in how they view the world because of how they were raised.

Lastly, Richie is the MVP for me this season. I have a soft spot for him.

#sydney x carmy #carmy x sydney #syd x carmy #syd adamu #thebear

[rea-listing]

Vampire (Smut) G.L

-----------------------------------------

It was a dark night as I trudged along unfamiliar streets in town. Somehow, I had managed to lose my way and ended up in an area that felt foreign. Confused, I decided to walk aimlessly, hoping to find a familiar face or landmark that would guide me home.

Turning right, I stumbled upon a narrow alleyway. My heart fluttered with a mixture of apprehension and relief, possibly might find a shortcut to the main street.

As I walked through the dim path, I saw a figure hunched on the ground at the end of the alley. The man looked frail, unhealthy, his skin was pale.

My heart skipped a beat as I recognized the man. It was Georg, my best friend since childhood. However, he looked so different, so ill.

What struck me most about his appearance were his teeth, especially his pronounced canines. They were sharp-looking, resembling fangs. I hesitated, started to back away.

But then, Georg pleaded in a weak, almost inaudible voice, "Help me." Despite all logical reasoning, I was drawn towards him, wanting to aid my ailing friend.

I took a few cautious steps towards him, reaching out my hand. Suddenly, with a speed I could not have anticipated, he grabbed my arm and pinned me to the wall.

Panic surged through me as I felt his fangs dig into my neck. It was a sharp, intense pain, followed by an unnatural coldness spreading across my body. It feels so bad... but so good…?

Georg looks into my eyes. I am weak, he has taken so much blood from me. And yet, I’m enjoying this. The feeling is amazing...

It's better than anything I have experienced... Georg, still looking into my eyes, licks the blood from my neck, soon after, pulling away.

"I've wanted to do that forever Y/n." He whispers, catching his breath. "I fucking love you, I need you... I need you to be mine!" He grabs at your shirt, looking in my eyes. "Will you let me make you mine?"

I nod my head, him immediately reacting.

He grips my hand, leading me into a nearby building. I try to analyze your surroundings, Georg interrupting by bending me over and pinning me to a table. From what I could tell, the place looks like a hideout and nobody but the both of us are there.

His grip on me grows tighter, pulling me closer. The intensity of our lovemaking is overwhelming, it's almost too much for me to handle. But I know that Georg will take care of me. He always has.

His pace quickens and I can feel him twitch inside of me. My moans get louder, so loud that I am screaming his name. He must love that because he starts to thrust deeper. This sends me over the edge. I cum, basically drooling in pleasure. He doesn't stop though.

"I'm not done yet, I haven't finished." He says between groans. His fingernails claw into my hips as he gets closer. Suddenly he lets his load out inside me, it feels amazing-

I open your eyes, in a bed, next to my husband.. Georg. He looks right at me.

"Have a nice dream sweetie?" He smirks.

#bill kaulitz #georg listing #gustav schäfer #tokio hotel #tom kaulitz #bill kaulitz x reader #tokio hotel smut #tokio hotel x reader #bill kaulitz smut

[ciderwitch]

Imagine Chandelure Hybrid Ingo that's taken a liking to you! Features 18+ towards the end!

You're the first person who hasn't been petrified of him or his brother in a long time.

You find a house in Nimbasa City that has super cheap rent because it's haunted. With these prices? Yeah, a little haunting is not enough to scare you off. Sure, things move around on their own and the knobs rattle at night, but you can afford coffee and better food now so it's a sacrifice you're willing to make.

When you find out it's a ghost-type pokemon, you relax. Chandelure's don't actually consume human souls, right? Right. When you tried to greet the Chandelure floating around in the hallway it dematerialized in an instead. Poor thing was probably petrified of people!

Well, Ingo wouldn't say he was petrified.

He was initially attracted to the residual spiritual energy of the place that went along with people thinking it was haunted and was just trying to recharge. It was a good place to rest after holding himself in full human form at the gear station all day.

When you start leaving out ghost-type treats for him, though, it makes him laugh. He likes the way you smile when you find them gone in the morning and ends up giving them to his own Chandelure.

He tried avoiding the place when you weren't home for a while, but he found it much lonelier without your presence. He knows most people would panic if he showed them his true form.

Also, you would probably balk at the idea of a grown man hanging onto your ceiling when you were home alone.

His choice was made for him when you slipped on the stairs one day. Suddenly you found yourself in the arms of a handsome ghostly subway master.

Not the weirdest thing you've experienced in Nimbasa, honestly.

He tells you why he hangs around and apologizes profusely.

Hybrids are rare, but everyone knows they tend to be more instinctual. It would make sense that he's drawn here and it's not like he's done anything other than haunt the downstairs area, so you're not particularly bothered. Plus, he is the reason this place is so affordable.

You thank him for saving you and tell him he can stick around. You work out the details so you know when he'll be around and agree that it would be both funny and useful to keep the haunted rumors alive and well.

From there an easy friendship grows until Ingo (and his Galvantula brother Emmet) are there almost all the time because it's one of the few places they don't have to mask or hide.

Cue Ingo (and maybe also Emmet) and you falling in love. Ingo is shy, but Emmet is not and you will know how they feel mere minutes after they figure things out themselves.

So now you have a boyfriend (or two). Cue shenanigans.

Now for the NSFW 🔞

Maybe one day you have to invite a work friend or classmate over. This guy is just laying it on thick despite you telling him you weren't interested. You both have to get this project done in a few days so you're ignoring him.

"Nah, this place isn't haunted. It's just old and ugly. Next time you'll have to study at my place, Y/N. It's much more comfortable."

"I like my house just fine, thanks."

The dude is totally oblivious and not noticing Ingo's attempts to frighten him off at all. He misses the floating objects in the hallway, doesn't catch his evil reflection in the bathroom mirror, and grabs his mug off the table before Ingo can finish knocking it down.

Then the guy makes a crass joke about you guys having sex instead of working. At this point you were one comment away from kicking him out and doing the damned thing by yourself.

Ingo watches the guy eye you up and just snaps. As if his Y/n would stoop so low! He can do things that jerk can't even dream about!

He lets his body sink into the floor and float back up over by you, ghosting his head through the form of your legs to rest his head there. He can feel his pulse raise at the excitement of being this close to you. You and Ingo hadn't done anything yet, but just the thought of your taste had his mouth watering. That, and the knowledge that he could have you in all the ways that loser couldn't.

The jerk shudders and asks if you felt the temperature suddenly drop.

You say no, you didn't, even as you feel a cool touch across your legs. You glance down and see Ingo's form passing through your body to where your shorts cover your sex without even having to open your legs. You have to fight not to gasp as Ingo presses a pale hand there, as if asking for permission.

His violet-white eyes are beautiful, full of want and need, and who are you to say no to that?

With the subtlest of nods, you look back up.

As they guy carries on his single-handed conversation, Ingo's eyes are on you up as he presses a first firm lick to your sex.

Suddenly, without even moving your clothes aside, he's got his mouth on you and all you can do is try not to react.

The man across from you is completely unaware of the man underneath the table kissing into your sensitive sex. Your legs are frozen as he holds you still with his powers. Just the movement of his tongue alone is making it hard to speak.

You reach down to grab his hair but your hands just phase through him, powerless to push him away or ease his pace. You don't know which you need more: to slow the onslaught against your hole, or to hold him closer and push your hips against him more.

He decides for you when you feel his invisible strength quickly but gently pull your body forward.

The lights start to dim as the man finally notices something is going on, as papers and pens around you start to float while your lover's mouth is taking you apart. You bite your cheek to keep from moaning at the slick slide of your lover's tongue between your thighs. No matter how you squeeze your legs together, it just feels like you're getting completely devoured. You can feel the sticky mess spread even as Ingo works diligently to lick up every drop from you.

Finally, something crashes and the guy flees, calling you possessed and running out of the house like a madman. Ingo quickly pins you down on the couch and presses deeper, and you can't stop the sounds that are finally allowed to escape from your throat as he moans against you like a whore, praising you and begging for you to come on his face.

He holds your body tightly as you gush and writhe against him, spasming as he continues kissing and sucking your sex until you have to beg him to give you a break.

It doesn't last long before he's diving in again, addicted to your taste and the pretty sounds of your begging.

#Ghost sex #ayyy #spectrophilia #submas ingo #chandelure hybrid ingo #hybrid ingo #hybrid submas #pokemon x reader #submas smut #submas x reader #pokemon x reader smut #submas ingo x reader #🚇 #nsft #pokemon imagines

[yunohawkeye]

Their crush falling asleep on them - Headcanons

for Dazai, Atsushi and Ranpo

I‘ve recently started watching BSD and am a little bit obsessed with the characters.

I‘m only at the end of season 2 so I don‘t know all the characters yet but I‘d love to interact a bit with the fandom and even write some more for it.

no beta - we die like men

Dazai

There‘s a knowing smirk on his lips even before it happens. Or who do you think freed up your schedule after you said that you didn‘t get much sleep that night and made sure to line up your breaks? At first he was planning on having a little fun with your tired self but when he saw how tired you were, he couldn‘t bring himself to be that mean to you today.

When your head hit his shoulder he was already holding out an arm to catch you. As he looked down at your form he couldn‘t stop his heart from skipping a beat. Seeing you laying there against him, not a care in the world, he brushes a stray strand of hair out of your face and lets his fingers rest on your cheek just a little bit too long for it to be a friendly gesture.

He of course knew that he wasn‘t really hiding his feelings for you at the moment but for some reason, he just didn‘t care. Not with this warm feeling in his stomach.

This is Dazai, so of course he already knew you had feelings for him even if you were still either oblivious or in denial. For so long he was content to keep you at a distance, to keep you safe from him and his life. After all, he‘s a dangerous man with many enemies.

But right now, with you leaning against him and such warmth in his chest that made him feel something he never experienced before, he felt happy, content - not something he was used to.

It‘s scary, he feels so vulnerable even though you can‘t even perceive him at the moment, but it was thrilling. And who is he if not a man seeking out the thrills of life.

He moves his fingers away from your face and instead strokes through your hair, murmuring in a volume only you‘d be able to hear, „Rest well, belladonna. You deserve it.“

Even in your sleeping state you could swear that you felt a pair of lips on the top of your head but - that‘s just a dream, right?

Atsushi

The moment Atsushi feels your head hit his shoulder he jerks up and looks at you with wide eyes, a deep blush adorning his cheeks once he realizes the situation he found himself in. Of course, his initial reaction is to panic as he feels your weight against his own and your head on his shoulder.

Did you mean to do that? Or was this an accident? You couldn‘t have wanted for this to happen, right? Why would you choose him out of all people? This had to be a mistake-

His train of thought stopped when he heard a sigh escape your lips and felt you shift closer to him. A deep breath later he looks at you, hovering his arm around you, although not brave enough to actually touch you. Atsushi didn‘t know if you actually wanted this and he‘d rather die than do something to make you uncomfortable.

Seeking guidance he looks up from your sleeping form and meets eyes with Dazai on the other side of the room. But his mentor's mischievous smile and encouraging nod was all he needed at this moment.

Head red as a tomato he puts his arm around you and ever so slightly pulls you closer. He felt his heart pounding in his chest and was definitely sure you could as well if you were awake. But even in this state Atsushi couldn‘t deny how happy it made him that you trusted him enough to choose him.

As you instinctively snuggled up to him he wasn‘t able to keep his eyes away from your form, studying your features up close and falling more in love with you for every new dimple or imperfection he found.

While he was lost in you he didn‘t notice all the small smiles and smirks directed at you both, neither the low chuckle from Dazai who decided to leave it be for now, but was already preparing to tease Atsushi later.

Ranpo

If you think your head falling onto his shoulder was a surprise for Ranpo, there‘s definitely a lot you have to learn.

He saw your eyes falling closed for a while now, so when your head came close to his shoulder he was already holding out an arm to catch and cuddle you close without even looking in your general direction.

A small chuckle escapes him as he starts boasting, „Thought you could surprise me by falling asleep on me, eh? Well, think again! I‘m the best detective in the world after all!“

Even though he was caught up in his antics, as soon as he feels you stir against him Ranpo halts in his movements and immediately shuts up. As he looks down at your sleeping form, green eyes visible, a content smile forms on his lips. Don‘t ever think of yourself as weak, because the power you hold over this man is nothing short of extraordinary.

He doesn‘t just stop talking about how he‘s the best detective, so all attention was on you two, Atsushi's eyes as wide as saucers and head red as a tomato as everyone saw Ranpo pressing you close towards him, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

Like being ripped out of a daydream, he snaps out of his trance and looks at his colleagues with his usual smile, „What? Nothing to see here.“ As (almost) everyone starts focusing on their work again, a small smile or blush on their faces while Ranpo leans down to whisper to your sleeping form, „No worries, I‘ll make sure you get the rest you need.“

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #dazai #bsd dazai #atsushi #bsd atsushi #ranpo #bsd ranpo #bsd dazai x reader #bsd atsushi x reader #bsd ranpo x reader #headcanons #bsd headcanons

[jejuboo-s]

PRESS YOUR NUMBER.

PAIRING: Jeonghan x FEM!Reader

GENRE: Smut

A/N: PLEASE reblog, if you’re a fic writer you know better than anybody else that likes don’t do alot in the algorithm. PLUS give constructive criticism please, I am very open to it :D

CONTENT INCLUDES: “Inexperienced” reader, blowjob, swearing, mention of knife (don’t worry, nothing kinky just washing dishes), pet-names mentioned, nothing too hard/more vanilla

SUMMARY: Seeing Jeonghan coming to your house unwelcome after a run manspreading on your couch, sweating, must’ve really turned on a switch inside of you.

Explicit content under the cut, please proceed with CAUTION.

Letting water pour on your figure, you lathered soap all around yourself, sighing, letting the hot water take you somewhere far away.

Zoning out in the shower was one of your favorite things to do. Well, it was an enjoyable habit of yours when things were silent, snapping out of your daze after you hear keys jingling in the distance.

‘Must be him again.’ You cried. Turning off the shower head followed by the water while stepping outside of your shower, grabbing a towel to dry both your hair and body.

“Hey, Y/N, you in there? If you are, I’ll treat myself to some water—I’m practically dying from thirst.” Sighing again, seriously, this guy was so frustrating.

Wrapping the towel around your body, dropping it down your cleavage slightly, you unlocked the door before stepping out to see Jeonghan drinking water, his head looking up at the ceiling showing his adam’s apple bobbing up and down.

Fuck, was he so hot. Sweat running down his body, softly panting, chugging a bottle of water. And of course, he seemed to note this thought too from the way you stopped to stare at him—a towel still being the only thing covering your body.

“I know I’m hot, but I don’t think I need to be reminded, pretty girl.” He mused. Face becoming the same soft pink color of your ears, he snickered while watching you run to your door to open and slam it shut.

“Seriously, your teasing is getting out of hand. Not everything’s about you.”

“Your staring was saying otherwise.”

“Listen— why do you even—”

Everything that came out of his mouth was nonsense til’ you looked up at him from your kitchen, manspreading on your couch, taking up all the space.

About to find another thing to scold him on, you looked again admiring how his blonde hair stuck to his forehead, how the hem of his sweatpants fit so snug on his body.

‘Fuck.’ You thought. A pool of heat started forming near your thighs, fantasizing yourself kneeling before him, sharp eyes looking down on you begging for you to go on.

Your thoughts went too far though, biting your lip hard enough to snap your self out of your little fantasy. He probably wouldn’t mind but you guys had only been together for 10 months, would he really not mind?

Of course you felt guilty, you were someone who wasn’t as experienced so you’d probably feel guilty even a year, hell even a year and a half.

Watching how you were about to wash a knife without the sponge and cut your hand from being so deep into thought, Jeonghan called out your name in panic.

“What’s the matter ‘Hannie?” You asked, subconsciously setting the knife down into the sink.

“Would you mind coming to sit next me, baby? Do the dishes later.”

Grabbing a paper towel drying your hands and the cold sweat you had broken out into while day-dreaming, you went to sit down next to your boyfriend.

“What’s wrong love? I know I’ve been joking around but—you seem to be blanking out a lot, I’m just concerned is all.” You gulped hearing him say this so innocently, no thoughts but keeping you safe mentally and physically.

“‘Hannie. What if— hypothetically, let’s say that I, hypothetically, were feeling more sexually attracted to someone and wanted to engage in something sexually with said person, what would you say if you were that person?”

His eyes widened slightly, slowing the caressing of your face, of course he knew right off the bat that it wasn’t hypothetical all and it was just a facade but he never expected something like this from his oh-so innocent girlfriend.

“Babe, if you needed some attention you didn’t need to be so shy about it.” He said, you waved your hands in denial you then began to reluctantly explain how you wanted him inside of your mouth, not vice-versa.

“Oh? Is my baby going to please me? How thoughtful of you.” Stroking your face again, he kissed the top of your forehead before tapping the inside of his legs motioning for you to kneel.

You untied his sweatpants followed by taking off his boxers revealing his proud and hard dick, your mouth gaped a bit. How had you never noticed how thick your boyfriend was?

“Just a little tip, be careful with your teeth. Wouldn’t want you to bite anything off, yeah?”

Licking your lips to ready yourself you took most of him, gagging when trying to take the rest.

“Don’t force yourself to take all of me, we can get through that together, it’s only your first time after-all.”

Listening to his words you used one hand to jerk off the rest of his length, and the other as support, grabbing onto his thigh.

You got used to having him in your mouth and after not even a minute you started bobbing you head up and down—hand following the same movement all while your tongue swirls against his tip.

“What the actual fuck— how the hell are you.. this good for your first— shit.” He panted. This is exactly how you wanted to see him. Instead of looking down you decided you wanted to look up at him and that’s exactly what you did.

That simple eye-contact made everything 100x better, your big doe eyes looking at him just made him gape his mouth slightly more open, eyes rolling to the back of his head—nails scratching the couch.

“Fuck, sweetheart, I think I’m gonna come—please just—”

Speeding your pace, he couldn’t take it anymore and took a handful of your hair, using your mouth to his own needs. You choked a little yes, but you got used to it—that was until he released in your mouth.

“Mmh, I’m sooorrrrrrrry baby. You just felt too good.”

don’t claim as yours © jonghour

#🌪️ jonghour #💗 lee’s svt works #jeonghan #jeonghan smut #seventeen smut #seventeen #kpop smut #jeonghan x reader #jeonghan x reader smut #seventeen x reader #seventeen x reader smut #jeonghan fluff #seventeen fluff #seventeen x reader fluff

[atom-writings]

Hii I love your blog ♡ I dont know if you're still taking asks but if yes how would France, Germany and England react to a s/o telling them they had been abused and have ptsd?

hetalia france, germany, and england with a s/o who has ptsd

1.8k words ~ gender neutral headcanons / scenarios

tw: obvs. mentions of trauma but nothing specific

a/n: sorry for being gone so long. my life is like a poor little weasel getting hit by a big hammer rn. hope this lives up to ur expectations anon !!! <3

France

- When you tell him, he's not surprised. He's spent so much time around you that he had always had his suspicions.

- But even so, when you first revealed the details of what you had gone through... Francis couldn't stop himself from crying. Seeing you now, knowing how you had been hurt, just broke his heart.

”No one will ever treat you like that again, ok?“ Francis told you, his voice shaking as he held you tightly against his chest, ”Never. Not as long as you live.“

- Considering how soft he already is around you, his behaviour changes very little after that.

- But, now, whenever he has the inevitable urge to run away, he just can't. He remembers how people have treated you before, and realizes that he can't be selfish like that to you ever again. So, fights with Francis are going to be more like discussions in a therapist's office.

- He'd never raise his voice to you or blame you for anything you didn't intend to do. Having gone through similar trauma himself, he remembers how long it took for him to fully move on from that; so any emotional outbursts on your part are easily forgiven.

- But in general, he's just very forgiving.

- Although he may be a great boyfriend to someone with PTSD, he might also become a little more controlling. Events that he wouldn't have batted an eye at you attending before might become a problem, as he worries about you being able to protect yourself.

- Friends who he used to mildly dislike, he suddenly insists on you cutting off. It's like he thinks of you as some delicate flower. It's all with the best of intentions, but it will be annoying for a while.

- Other than that though, he'd be such a calm, comforting presence to a S/O with trauma.

It had been such a long time since you'd had a nightmare about being back there. You couldn't even remember what the dream was about, all you knew was that you were back there. Which was more than enough to rip you from your slumber, sending you into a panic you hadn't experienced in months.

But as you shot up, sweat dripping down your forehead and heart pumping, Francis was right there beside you. In a flash, he turned on the bedside lamp and shook himself out of his sleep, immediately turning to focus on you.

”Mon chéri, did it happen again?“ He asked softly, adjusting himself so he gave you plenty of space on the bed.

You nodded, and he only sighed, ”That's alright, Y/N, you're gonna get through this.“

Your hands still shook even as he tried to calm you down, your gaze flicking from side to side.

”Breath with me,  amour, breath with me...” He chided, resting a gentle hand against your chest.

“1... Breath in,” He took a deep breath,  making sure you followed along, ”Breath out.“

For the next few minutes, not a word was exchanged between you two other than Francis guiding you through slowing your panicked heart.

”You did so good, Y/N...“  Is all he says as your hands finally stop shaking, ”I'm so proud of you. That wasn't easy, alright? But you did perfectly.“

You can't help but smile at his incessant praises, ”Can we just go to sleep now?“

”Do you want me to hold you while you sleep?” He chuckles, leaning closer to you.

“Maybe...”

Germany

- Ludwig wouldn't be angry, he wouldn't be sad, he wouldn't get upset at all when you tell him about your abuse. At least, not outwardly. Internally he's about to stab someone, but to you, he's completely calm.

- He doesn't push you to explain more, but he does make it very clear that you can tell him everything. He won't judge you, he won't blame you, he won't invalidate anything, he just wants to exactly what happened so he can better help you.

- (He actually went to medical school, as well as getting a degree in psychology, so he knows what he's doing.)

- After that, he puts a lot of attention towards your triggers so he can help you deal with them as well as remove them as much as possible.

- He's coping with his own PTSD too, so any outbursts or instability is completely fine with him. He understands. He'd never take anything you say in the heat of the moment personally.

- Plus, he's like, never tired, so you can always call on him in an emergency. You're his top priority. Whatever you need to feel safe now, he doesn't mind helping with.

- He becomes a lot more protective as well. Whereas you two were a lot more independent from each other before, now he makes an effort to accompany you to anything that might make you upset. He just worries so much...

- If anyone or anything DOES upset you, he's releasing absolute hell onto that person. Normally he'd never make a scene, but with you? He is completely ok with making EVERYONE uncomfortable, just to make a point.

- Your problems and trauma don't bother him at all. If anything, he's glad to have a partner who can understand his struggles as well. You're both just moving past something as best as you can, and that's all that matters.

“It's been three years?” You thought to yourself as you sat still, staring out the window, ”It must've been less than that. No, it was just last month wasn't it?“

That's what you'd been telling yourself since you woke up. That day, it'd been three years since you had left. But it must've been some kind of trick. Some lie you'd been told. No, it couldn't've been.

So you sat, your dry eyes fixed on a swaying bush outside the window. If it had really been three years since then, then you must've been sitting for months. The house was quiet, and the weather was dreary. You hadn't eaten. Ludwig would be frustrated about that. But he wasn't here, so... it was alright.

Or at least, he shouldn't have been.

“Y/N?” Ludwig called out from somewhere else in the house. You didn't move. Even as his footsteps came closer and closer to where you sat, you didn't move.

“Liebling, are you ok?”

No response. He sighs, crouching down next to your chair.

“Is this because it's been three years?“

This time a response, as it seems like your body nodded involuntarily.

”Ah. I understand, my dear.“

He stood up again, setting down his bag from work.

”How long have you been sitting there?“

”I dunno...“ You croaked out, your voice clearly being out of use for quite a while.

”Do you want to keep sitting there?“

No response.

“Would you want to come walk Berlitz and the boys with me?“

A small nod. Ludwig walks over just to open the blinds a little more, just as the sun begins to shine into the room through a gap in the cloudy sky.

“Nice timing, isn't it?”

“Yeah...”

“Take your time getting ready. I'll be waiting downstairs whenever you want to go. I missed you today, Y/N.” And with that, he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead and walked downstairs.

England

- When you first told him, things didn't go... perfectly. Arthur is not a very comforting man in general, but when it comes to you, his love tends to manifest in, well... not the best ways.

- He became quite angry when you told him. Not because he was angry at you, but angry that someone could ever do that to you.

- But after he realized how that anger would have come across to you, he tried to explain away why he had reacted so harshly.

”Love, I- I didn't mean to... well, I'm not angry at you, ok? I promise. It's not like it was your damn fault! You're the victim! Of some- some twisted cunt-”

“Ok- but y-you're still yelling!”

“I'm not yelling at you- I'm yelling for you!”

- Don't worry, that's probably the last time he'll ever yell around you.

- After the initial panic and hatred, he remembers what's important. You. And protecting you, in every way he can.

- Whenever he's around you, he makes sure to regulate his emotions as much as he can. He'll get all of his anger out at Alfred, just so you never have to worry about him coming home pissed. He wants his home to feel safe for you.

- He tries to be as consistent as possible. If you ever need anything, he won't ask questions, he'll just do it. As much as he wants to be snarky, he'd stop making those kinds of comments to you entirely.

- But if you still know your abuser, he's taking out all of that anger onto them. In his opinion, any person who could traumatize you like that should suffer just like you have.

- Basically, he just becomes a lot more protective. In public, he'd hold your hand constantly, so you always know that you're not alone. In private, he'd lay off any questioning. Whatever you need to do to feel comfortable, he'd push his own curiosity aside.

- Although, he struggles with talking about what you went through directly. He's likely gone through something similar, and an honest conversation about either of your problems freaks him out a little bit.

- He can comfort you, bringing you back from the brink with no problem, but don't expect him to have any meaningful ideas on how to help you cope.

- (His only idea is what he does. Which is to try to ignore it. Which is bad.)

All Arthur had to say was “What's wrong with you?” for the spiral to start. He wasn't even serious, but the smirk plastered on his face seemed to turn sinister within a second. The smell of the room, the direction of the sun, the feeling of your socks, all of it was too familiar. All of it was exactly like that time long ago.

You started to breathe heavier, eyes darting for something to save you from the situation you had just been cast into once again. Something must be different, this can't be happening again.

“Y/N?” Arthur asks, his voice distant and muffled within your panicking mind, “Y/N, look at me.”

When he reached out gently to rest his hand over yours, you completely drew away within an instant. Shaking, cowering in fear against the couch, as far away as you could get from...

“Y/N, is it happening again?” He said, his words barely registering. You nodded, still looking at everything and nothing.

But you watched intently as he got up. He walked over to the thermostat, his footsteps nothing like you remembered from back then. It suddenly became colder than it used to be... and a blanket was draped over your quivering body.

“It's over. They're not here... ok? I promise it's over.”

“You promise? Y-You promise?”

“You're safe. There's nothing here that can hurt you. I promise.“

#heta tag #hetalia imagines #hetalia x reader #arthur tag #aph england x reader #hws england x reader #aph france x reader #francis tag #hws france x reader #ludwig tag #aph germany x reader #hws germany x reader #not proofread at all

[murasaki-cha]

I was gonna post this as a reply for this post by @he4d-banger but it got too long so I’m making it a separate post.

I have talked about this before but I’ll talk again because I love talking about Cale’s complex emotional state.

More than pushing them away, Cale completely ignored his grief which has made him completely emotional constipated. This has lead to many side affects which get glossed over most of the time since we read the novel from Cale’s pov.

Some that I can remember from the top of my head right now are: dissociation, selective memory, depression, anxiety, stress and tons of physical problems like eating disorder, etc. which I’ll get into more another time. His self destructive tendencies based on the decisions he makes are all because of his emotional constipation.

Cale’s denial over his own symptoms has become chronic over the years even tho it’s fairly visible from other peoples perspective. Some instances I can remember where we see Cale’s condition from other peoples pov are: moments when Alberu tells him he’ll definitely get his slacker life, everyone’s reaction to him smiling after crying, Choi Han meeting younger Cale, the villains’ reaction when Cale gets angry, everyone telling him he’s too weak and skinny, Ron and Choi Han’s pov during side story 7 after Cale dreamed about CJS and LSH first death anniversary, etc. Everyone can recognize that he’s not well.

And about the venting on destroying stuff, that’s exactly correct. Many times when we see the fight from the other pov of the villain, most of the dialogue is about how angry and terrifying Cale looks. Of course part of that could be due to the effect of Dominating Aura, but they specifically mention Cale’s expression and the look in his eyes a lot. That’s what truly terrifies them. Cale doesn’t recognize this but he’s really expressive, everyone says that he’s very expressive and lets his emotions slip through his face.

Another case when he couldn’t control his emotions anymore was when he cried. An interesting fact is that people who aren’t used to crying and/or hold themselves back from crying, once they do actually cry they can’t stop the flow of tears and are motionless and/or rather calm and quiet. It’s that silent unstoppable crying that Cale displayed. His grief finally exploded after meeting LSH and he couldn’t understand the sadness he was feeling at that moment because the meeting ended with consolidation and relief. All the pain over the deaths of his best friends finally released.

That is a complete contrast to his reaction in side story 7 after the first anniversary of his team’s death. When he arrived home he just collapsed on the floor expressionless. Not once did he cry. But the way he collapsed at that moment said a lot about his state at the time. All the stress accumulated in his body from holding back his emotions all day today affected his physical health to total exhaustion

Actually in my opinion SS7 is one of the best chapters about examining Cale’s emotional state. There are multiple visible of him suppressing his emotions like: keeping a neutral expression all day around, refusing to mention what day it was tomorrow even though everyone knew, not closing his eyes in front of the grave because the memories would resurface, the small panic attack shown by his shortage of breath, background silence and feeling of heaviness, and you can see how burned out emotionally and physically he feels. The only way he wouldn’t feel these things was by working, as it is noted multiple times throughout the story that he never took days off.

And my favorite moment was when we see Cale waking up from the dream and very clearly experiencing signs of ptsd and a panic attack. He was feeling cold despite the entire house being heated with magic, cold sweat running down his face, shortage of breath as soon as he woke up and a distressed expression as shown from Ron and Choi Han’s pov He also felt the need to hear noises and pet the kids to make him feel a sense of attachment with reality since the silence in his memories made him feel suffocated. Tho Cale himself couldn’t recognize these symptoms.

That side story also shows how he has grown emotionally throughout the novel now becoming more emotionally open with others.

I can also go on about his selective memory, anxiety, get more into his self destructive lifestyle and about his obvious signs of depression during his team leader days and early part of the novel while touching on his childhood trauma, but this post is already long enough so I’ll leave those for another day.

#tcf #trash of the count's family #lcf #lout of the count’s family #cale henituse #tcf novel

[fictionalmenaremytype]

Percy Jackson episode 7 spoilers!!!

First of all, that cliff hanger is more cruel than the actual cliffhanger...okay maybe not but you get the point.

- WE GOT CRUSTY'S. If I'm honest though I wasn't really disappointed when I thought he wasn't in it.

- I am sad we didn't get DOA records but the fact that they didn't fare with Charon tells me DOA does still exist they just used a different entrance so I'm hoping for it to be used in a different season. Would be funny if Nico used it in the 5th season with Percy.

- Annabeth's "Dude, don't make me come back out there!" Tell him, WiseGirl!

- Oh my god Percy and Sally at his first boarding school is so sad but when I tell you I cheered when he locked that car door! Persassy at his finest.

- "not in Kansas" "Hey focus, we left kansas four days ago." "Yeah, I-" so it's basically Canon they were going to see the Wizard of Oz in BotL then yeah??

- Percy is so polite with all the souls! "We're all dying...to some extent."

- The boys bribing Charon and Annabeth is staring at them like they are about to get them in trouble again.

- "You can buy a new whistle" I cackled

- AWW CERBERUS...I mean Ahhhh Cerberus!

- Annabeth is so smart but Grover getting eaten?? Was scared he wouldn't come back.

- I feel bad for Aryan being covered in that gloopy stuff that looked gross.

- She just chucks Percy the ball to get herself up! INGENIUS!

- Aww Annabeth's little sad backstop moment and Percy wasn't even listening!

- The way Grover lost the pearl is very clever! I wasn't expecting that but it makes more sense than Poseidon forgetting about Sally.

- New Information?!?!? Mate you could have sent an email!!!! I'm sorry but maybe the fact he was on the school gymnasium roof probably suggests that the school wasn't keeping a good enough watch on him!!! Report the school!!!

- HOMESCHOOL??!?!?! Of course Sally can't do that she's barely able to support her, Percy, and Gabe as is! But Percy seeing all of that is so sad.

- That soul is terrifying I never want to watch the fields of Asphodel scene again (I've watched it four times)

- Annabeth getting stuck because of her regret (which I'm assuming is regret leaving home) I was scared for her. Completely forgot about the pearl.

- I really thought the sound were going to do some Weeping Angel level scary stuff.

- She's so smart using the pearl

- I thought the desert was another dream sequence but nope! How did I forget!

- Sad we didn't get the tartar sauce line but I'm also glad we didn't.

- I am convinced they only came off of Grover's hooves because he has hooves and not feet. If his foot filled the shoe properly he would have been dragged to Kronos.

- "is this?" "No!" "Well it looks like-" "it absolutely is not" "Okay, so what is it then?" "Yeah that's the master bolt." "I mean, I think so right??" I love how they show it takes them longer to get to the truth without Annabeth.

- return the bolt ❌️ Take the bolt to the person you think stole it ✅️

- The café scene is so sad what! "I would never do this to you." Has me sobbing. my favourite thing about the show is all the extra scenes we're getting that explains how difficult it was for Sally to raise Percy, it just adds to why there's so many year-round campers.

- that elevator is badass

- I love how Hades tries to connect with Percy with the nautical reference. He's so funny. I want a scene in season 4 or 5 of Nico just ranting in Italian and Hades sat on his thrown like "Yeah yeah I know."

- PERCY DEFINITELY PANICKED SEEING HIS MUM IM GOLD BECAUSE WHEN HE WAS IN GOLD HE ALMOST SUFFOCATED TO DEATH AND SALLY HAS BEEN LIKE THIS FOR FAR LONGER. HE'S PANICING THAT SALLY IS EXPERIENCING WHAT HE DID.

- "huh?"..."the bolt is my brothers drama I don't want anything to do with it." Spoken like a true middle child.

- "my helm!" "Your what?" So funny. Percy knows loads of stuff about Greek mythology but not about the helm.

- Oh my god, the way this is setting Annabeth up to be the traitor??? The helm turns people invisible like her hat. Percy realised he was supposed to be dragged to Tartarus, which would make sense why she saved him from the chair...he knows someone partnered with Ares, and both Annabeth and Ares were upset with Athena when Ares arrived!! Kind of suspicious...

- "Kronos." chills.

- Hades helping them in exchange for the bolt makes sense now because he only wants to defend his land. He's thinking he's the closest to Tartarus, so he will experience his father's wrath first and therefore needs the strongest weapon.

- "Nice pearl?"

- "Hold fast mum."

- Sally burning the milkshake as an offering is so smart but WHAT CAFÉ HAS MATCHED IN THE SUGAR BOWL?!?!?

- The way Poseidon just turned up because Sally needed him <3 (couldn't do that for Percy though could you mate?)

- "it's a him, he saw it." I cackled.

- Poseidon and Sally having that kind of relationship where they put feelings aside to help the other person. It's giving besties with a child.

- "one day...one day when he's ready...when he knows who he is...and where he belongs...and fate has revealed to him his true path...and that day..." And that day is next Wednesday because surprise! Its a cliff hanger! And the end of the episode!

- The way they looked at eachother when they realised what was about to happen though has set them up to be such a perfect trio.

- I will never get over how cool Ares is!

- And riptide/anaklusmos (which for non book readers is the name of Percy's sword) looked so sick.

This episode was so good and I'm so glad it wasn't like a 25 minute episode. Even though the actual content only took 36 minutes, it felt well spaced and gave time to understand what was happening. I am a little teensy bit worried for how the last episode will go as there's quite a lot to cram in. They have to find the Helm and fight Ares and then they have to return to camp so I'm a little bit worried but I have faith that Rick, Aryan, Leah and Walker will pull it off.

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #annabeth chase #percabeth #pjo tv show #pjo series #grover underwood #leah sava jeffries #aryan simhadri #walker scobell #percy jackson episode 7