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taegyuun · 3 years

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finally, the wings took off | pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

genre: angst, fluff

pairing: sunghoon x reader

warnings: mentions of depression probs swearing

word count: 1.8k

“ok this is a great start already! you woke up... 5 minutes before you usually do....” sunghoons voice gradually faded out from being happy to disappointed after checking the time.

a week has passed since you met the said angel and the whole time he’s been trying to “fix” you, his words, not yours. and sure, you’ve made some improvements like waking up at different times and... well that’s about it. sunghoon thought that after a few days or so, you’d gradually grasp the concept of normal life or something in your brain would click and you would’ve had some grand epiphany that the way you’ve been living for the last few years of your life aren’t normal - but contrary to his beliefs, you were nothing of the sort.

you were also very difficult to work with; and incredibly stubborn. you’ve gotten more accustomed to living with the boy but listening to him tell you what to do was not exactly very entertaining on your behalf. sunghoon personally thought that ordering you would be the best way to go about your little situation, considering your life is based on routines and authoritative figures that came from school - but perhaps his idea wasn’t so great.

“sunghoon, i already told you. i don’t need some ‘guardian angel’ or whatever, i’m fine with the way that i live my life even if it isn’t whatever you would call an avergae teens life. i know that. you’re just wasting your time being here.” you sigh dejectedly. you were secretly hoping that somehow you would mange to get out of this hopeless routine. it was often a pain, reliving the same day every single second. but you yourself couldn’t do it. you had to have some sort of help; sunghoon just wasn’t great at it.

“well no matter what you believe, i have to stay here up until you live a normal life. and before you say anything, even if i go up to the upper angels and try to talk to them, theyll just instantly send me back down, because believe me... i’ve tried it many, many times.” his face wasn’t the usual soft almost nonchalant look that he typically wore, instead he seemed more aggravated.

“ok then. what if i just live my life “normally” for a week and then you can move onto another person because i’m “fine” and then i can go back to living my life the way i want to?” you ask after sitting up from bed, getting ready to do your usual stretch before heading to the bathroom. but before you could even reach your arms out, sunghoon was already pushing them down back to your sides before speaking himself,

“y/n you moron, the upper angels aren’t stupid. they literally see everything.” he stares blankly at you as you roll your eyes at his actions before looking around your room and mulling over the idea of actually contributing to his work and trying to change your life.

“fine i guess. i’ll try harder this time.” the sound of his cheering almost made your lips form a smile.

“so what now, huh?”

“well... maybe let’s go shopping? yeah i think that’s a good start. personally, i’m not very huge on shopping but that’s because i’m indecisive but you need to go food shopping and then we can go buy more clothes. y/n you need to start eating more various foods, alright?” sunghoon talks to you almost as if you’re a child, it gets irritating but you understand his reasonings behind it. you like to follow routines, and your routines have to be simple therefore he speaks to you simply.

“alright then, what food should i be eating?” you ask, genuinely curious.

“honestly anything but a balanced diet is the best,” and then sunghoon goes on about all the carbs you need to eat and what sort of proteins there are and all the other things that you already knew except didn’t own, or eat. as he talks to you, you’re already putting your shoes on and taking one of your jackets down from the hooks before quickly grabbing your car keys.

even though you didn’t seem like it, you felt excited for this new change. you were a complicated person. even though you had to have routines, you got bored of them quickly and sunghoon has somehow managed to spark some excitement into your life.

as you both walk down the block to get to your car, you get a few stares from the passerby’s. ok, maybe it wasn’t you who got the stares and it was perhaps the model that was beside you, but that’s just a minuscule detail that you could easily miss.

“sunghoon?” you hear a hum in reply.

“you do realise you’re really pretty? like, incredibly good looking.” instead of a normal reply, you hear a choke and then a fit of coughs. “don’t tell me you’re about to die from choking because someone complimented you? you’re an angel right? you’re meant to be pretty or something.”

“i dont usually get compliments from people alright? i’m not used to it, the most i get is whines from the higher ups or some old pervs trying to hit on me when i get some weird cases,”

“do you wanna talk about it?”

“there isn’t much to talk about, it’s not like they can actually touch me considering i’m an angel so theres nothing to ever worry about.” neither of you realised that you were already in the car, driving and almost at the supermarket. he looks over and sees your brows in a furrow, an obvious sign of confusion. before he gets to ask anything, you beat him to it.

“wait so... i cant touch you? like not even high five or anything? that’s so cool! you’re like... i don’t know, the things in movies- you’re like a ghost!” sunghoon was going to tell that you can actually touch him, only when granted permission, but your expression and the contrast in your voice from usual monotone and bored, stopped him as he instead hummed in agreement and softly smiled, grabbing a shopping cart and heading inside the store.

you huffed as you set down the last bags full of food that you had either never tried or forgotten the taste of down onto your kitchen counter. you then started taking the products out of the bags and placing them in their correct cupboards or shelves in the fridge and some in the freezer.

after you were finally finished with the tedious job, you look over at sunghoon who was leaning against the door frame to your kitchen, as you beamed proudly at him. he lets out a soft laugh as he walks closer to you and looks at what you did to your kitchen.

“you see, look how many choices you have! all the cupboards are full and the possibilities you have with all these ingredients!” you’re surprised at how excited he seemed for you and your now discovered love for placing things away. “whenever you get hungry, tell me so i can teach you new recipes, alright?” you quickly nod at him as he walks off, letting his large wings appear out of his back. he rolls his shoulders and releases a loud sigh and groan, softly propping down onto your couch.

“yeah, why do you even do that? y’know... keep your wings in. isn’t it painful?” you ask as you walk closer to him, before sitting down onto the seat next to the angel.

“i wouldn’t say it necessarily hurts but it’s more like when you sit in one position too long and then you stand up and stretch. i have to do it so i don’t make myself invisible and make you look like you’re a fool speaking to yourself.”

“then... whenever we don’t go out, just have them out! whenever we’re here alone just leave them how they are, let your back rest.”

“i think that’s a good idea,” he then softly smiles at you as his arms extend across the back of the couch, before letting his head roll back and fall onto the the soft cushioning below

more weeks pass, and it has finally reached the mark of sunghoon being your gurdian angel for almost 4 months. you’ve changed an indescribable amount - it occurred to you after a deep talk with sunghoon that routines bored you, but you simply didn’t know what to do with yourself and how to live your life.

you were honestly glad to meet the guardian angel.

you now went out at random times simply for your own will, and you cooked different recipes almost everyday - trying new food constantly. you changed your style and did a whole 180. but sunghoon didn’t want you to completely change, he only wanted you to live like a teen. so, he obviously let you keep certain things the way you liked it; the days you did your laundry or which days you went shopping.

it was nice having him around.

but, the dreaded question had to be asked.

“sunghoon... are you going to leave soon?” you quietly asked, as you went out to latch onto his sweatshirt - another thing you learnt which you could do, only with his consent.

“i’m not sure, y/n. but why ask?” he stopped stirring his coffee with the tea spoon and instead looked down at you with a confused expression.

“it’s just... aren't guardian angels meant to only stay till their case is better? i mean, you’ve figured out why my chart was empty and now i live how i should've lived all along. is there anything you can even do now?”

and then it was silent. it didn’t even occur to the boy that he had completed his task. he had nothing else to do in the human world that was correlated to you. he plainly had no reason to stay, even if he wanted to.

“... do... do you want me to leave?” you almost tug at his arm in anger at the stupid question.

“are you insane? of course i don’t want you to leave! you’re the one who made me finally feel happy, there- there must be a way you could stay... right? or do you want to go?” now it was sunghoons turn to latch onto your arm in disbelief.

“why would i want to leave? i love it here, y/n. being here with you completely changed my life. i’m not chained to some random criminal and i don’t have a crap ton of responsibilities that i couldn’t care less about, it’s literally heaven down here for me... ironic i know, but it is! if i could stay, i promise you, i would.” during his words, his hands moved up from holding onto your arm to cupping your face in his warm and gentle hands. you leant into his touch, with a coil of unfortune building up in your stomach; as if your body knew this might have been the last times you’d feel his soft touch.

“sunghoon please... don’t leave me.”

“i’ll stay for as long as possible, even if it means my wings are taken off.”

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spearbeans · 5 years

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STAY (changbin imagine)

prompt: see picture

details: first person pov, character is nonbinary (i.e. no specific gender mentioned)

notes: idk i wrote this at like 12am one night bcs it was soft hours, excuse any mistakes pleas

ask me to describe a perfect day? its honestly simple; a whole day in the presence of the love of my life is enough to make it the best day ever. like today for example...

having slept over the previous night, i woke up in the morning to the sun shining brightly in my face - both literally and metaphorically. the gentle beads of sunlight softly illuminated the angel sleeping peacefully beside me. turning my body to face him, i took the opportunity to take in every little feature of his. from his little almost button-like nose, his tiny pouted lips to the small scar on his chin, every finest detail gave me new reasons to love him even more. i reached out to move his hair away from his face, but he made a soft grumbling sound and reached over to pull me closer. so that's how my perfect day started: a cuddle with the love of my life.

after washing up and jumping into a fresh set of comfy clothes, i walked into his kitchen to look at what we could have for breakfast. alas, the kitchen of a man who lived alone was... to say the least, depressing. there was absolutely nothing to work with. so in the end, we ended up going to a cafe nearby to have breakfast. the sweet smell of freshly baked bread and the heavily accented aroma of coffee filled the air in the slightly busy cafe. peak hours is slowly dying down, so there's only the last few customers rushing to get their coffee before work. we both chatted about a variety of things from a-z as we downed the pancake set we had ordered. a hearty breakfast topped with a hearty conversation with the man who owns my heart. what can be more perfect than this?

two hours later, it was lunch time and we finally reached home after doing some grocery shopping to replenish the abandoned pantry in the kitchen. we decided to just have ramen for lunch because we were too exhausted to even think of cooking up anything else. with everything settled, we were sitting on the floor with ramen on the table ready to eat. the pot let off a cloud of steam as soon as i pulled the lid away, angrily blowing hot air into my face. following straight after, the appetising aroma of the ramen snuck straight into my nose and made me giddy with excitement just to even sip on the soup. i served some for him, who was waiting patiently like an adorable puppy for his food, before getting some for myself. in a matter of minutes, the entire pot of ramen went down our stomachs. our stomachs filled, we sat back on the sofa with our fingers intertwined as we watched the movie that was playing on the tv. honestly i couldnt care less about the movie, my attention was all on the comforting drumming of his heartbeat as i laid my head on his chest. the constant thumping of his heart and the way it matches my own, perfection is in every little thing in my perfect day.

as night approaches, we were busy munching on pizza slices and playing some video games. i really love this dude, but he sucks in video games (yet he refuses to admit it). the time kept passing and after rounds of whatever game we were playing, it was already 10pm. the day has passed by and left just like that, and the night was only getting deeper. the perfect day is ruined by time. i picked up my things, despite my limbs getting weaker and my heart getting heavier at the thought of having to leave. i had to go, but...

"just stay with me a minute?"

i looked back to where his voice chirped from, to see him resting his upper body against the handrest of the sofa, with a hopeful smile plastered on his face. he was half-asleep, his eyelids already slowly losing to gravity. he mumbled a few indecipherable words before falling asleep. i chuckled at his dumb little self, got up and placed a blanket over his sleeping figure. giving him a quick kiss on his cheek, i got on my feet to turn and leave but was quickly pulled back into a sudden embrace, falling onto his lap.

"changbin, you know i cant stay. i have a lecture tomorrow," i reasoned as i tried to break free from him.

with his eyes still shut, he tightened his embrace and mumbled a single word: "stay."

#seo changbin #changbin #stray kids imagines #stray kids #changbin imagines

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storiesundercandlelight · 5 years

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Loving Loki - Four

Two weeks. Two uneventful weeks had passed since David and I had our day out. The day where we had also said that we would start dating each other, yet here I am sat on may couch on a Saturday morning wondering why fate and timing had been so cruel to me.

I was being selfish, I knew this yet I couldn’t help myself. So many thoughts were running through my head right now. The case was over. Detective Loki was on the news. Missing girls both found and alive. Even the father of the last girl to be found had been located after his mysterious disappearance. I wanted to be happy, I was, almost. David had been gone so much recently, the last two weeks were manic for him, not just because he solved the case but also because people seemed to blow up about this story, about the detective who had single handedly solved this brutally horrible case of the abduction of two girls.

My phone vibrated against the wood of the coffee table beside me, my eyes pulling away from the dull noise of the TV. It was David.

I know you’re mad, I’m sorry I haven’t had any time to see you. Can I come over later?

It was hard to be mad, I just couldn’t justify it. How could I be mad at someone who so patiently and passionately wanted to do his best to find the missing girl, who had risked his well being to bring her home? You just cant be mad at someone like that. But I cant deny this strange feeling inside. It had been almost three months since I moved here and the lonely feeling never fully went away. I almost cried when my friend Kate told me she was coming to visit me, I swear I couldn’t wait the three days it was going to take before she’s due to visit.

I’m not mad David, how could I be? Of course you can come over x

These little texts back and forth had been a constant part of my daily routine for the last two weeks. It was the only thing that fully reminded me that I was even in this relationship. This very new, very non-existent relationship.

Ok, I’ll be there around 5:30pm? We could order some food and watch a movie?

I had to admit he knew how to do it. Somehow he knew after so little time that I preferred to stay home and snuggle up rather than dressing up and going out. Well…except from when Kate gets here then going out is a must, the girl seems to function best under florescent lights and above crowded dance floors.

My eyes drifted to my laptop, still sat on the coffee table “Draft One” the only thing written on the screen. I tried, so so many times to get words out. God I wanted to write something. To pour my emotions out and create something that others would be still glued to at 1:00am in the morning because they simply can’t put it down without knowing the ending. I don’t know what it was but the sudden urge to leave the house was so heavy on my shoulders that I didn’t hesitate with my next text.

Skip takeout, I need milk, I’ll grab something to make for dinner x

I was pretty comfortable cooking for myself, it had been a while since I’d cooked for anyone else but the idea of trying something new with David was so exciting.

Sure sounds great x

I allowed myself a few seconds to smile at the fact that he put an x at the end of the text, its such a petty thing to notice but I did anyway. Then I jumped up, grabbed my coat, keys and bag and headed out.

The little car I’d got myself was useful enough, it wasn’t fancy or particularly expensive but it worked for me and didn’t look like a crumpled up tin can so I think I did okay. The parking lot to the local supermarket was pretty full, I didn’t expect anything less for a Saturday. But I did take notice more than once of the kids cheerfully throwing their parents groceries to each other other the carts. One wrong move and that melon is going everywhere.

I settled for teriyaki chicken, some rice and a few greens. I’d cooked it more than once and didn’t feel like a complete fool when it came to cooking it for someone else. As I walked down the isles grabbing what I need plus extra groceries for the week my phone started ringing. David?

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah I got a five minute break so I figured I’d call, whats that noise?”

“That would be two kids trying to decide which one of them can throw the vegetables in they mothers cart the furthest, I think they’re going for a world record”

“You’re joking right?”

“Nope, you cant make this stuff up, the floor attendant looks like he’s about to blow a fuse” I pushed myself up onto my tip toes to reach a bag of chips from the top shelf.

“If it’s the Harris kid they’ll be strung up from the ceiling by the time you leave”

“You know too many people”

“It’s a small town, so what are you cooking tonight?”

“I cant tell you”

“Why not?”

“Because if I do then you’ll have too much time between now and when you’re due over to realise you hate what I’m cooking and make an excuse not to come” I finally reached the till where a teenager was chewing gum and scanning my items at a snails pace.

“I promise I wont hate whatever you make”

“I’m gonna hold you to that when you taste it and realise that I’m an awful cook”

“Well you said awful first so maybe-“ I heard David reply to someone in the background, the till beeping and the struggle of holding the phone between my head and shoulder while packing preventing me from hearing fully what was said. “I gotta go, I’ll see you later?”

“Oh yeah, sure. See you later” The line went dead just as I’d finished paying. I grabbed my bags and said thanks to the girl who’s eyes were directly chained on the guy working the other till, she popped her gum and nodded at me without even taking her eyes off him.

The rest of the day went by pretty uneventfully, I showered, cleaned the house quickly and ended up in the kitchen. Okay, if I start the dinner prep now I can leave the chicken to marinade in the fridge and then just pull it out to cook when Davids here. I was feeling a lot more optimistic about David coming over. Maybe this would finally be the start of our relationship, no more texting and “Im sorry I couldn’t make it” calls.

I started to cut the chicken on a matt into small pieces, the rice boiling happily on the cooker beside me before hearing a knock at the door. David looked tired, but not as tired as he had been during the case, this tired was a normal kind of tired, not the kind that made him look like he was about to drop any second. As David took off his jacket I returned back to cooking, I could hear his footsteps approaching me and within a few seconds he was behind me, leaning close to me to look over my shoulder at the food. The chicken was now cooking in a pan, mixed with the veggies and sauce.

“I wont lie I could probably eat both of our portions right now” I felt a shiver run down my spine when David spoke, he was close enough that I felt his breath against the back of my ear. His hands were resting gently on my hips. I loved how easy it was to be around David despite the not so normal start we’d had. The over the phone, mostly at work and occasionally in between all of the above schedule we had seemed at first like it would never have worked but I could honestly say I was glad we’d stuck it out. The warmth of him behind me as I cooked our meal felt so right I couldn’t find anything to complain about.

“Why don’t you set the table? It’ll be ready soon” I turned my head to meet Davids gaze a soft smile tugging at the sides of my lips.

“Sure” Just as David turned to go about the job I’d set I quickly grabbed his arm. He stopped to look at me a questioning look falling over his features. I didn’t leave him waiting long before I reached up and planted a kiss on his cheek, teasingly close to his lips. As I pulled away I swore I could see the surprise on Davids face before he smiled and went to set the table. Yes I could get used to this feeling.

The food smelt and looked thankfully as good as it tasted, I poured two glasses of water while David was already happily digging into his food.

“Do they forget to feed you?”

“You have no idea” He spoke quickly before going back to his food. I smiled looking at David, ti had been so long since I’d had the opportunity to just look at him. At the department he was so rushed recently and working out regularly left very little time to fully appreciate the seemingly perfect angles of his jaw or his blue eyes that turned a stormy grey when the lighting was right.

“You’re staring”

“Huh?” I quickly meet Davids gaze, realising that he’d stopped eating and was looking at me with a small smirk. “Sorry, it’s just…I kinda missed looking at you, I haven’t really had the opportunity” I felt heat rise to my cheeks and quickly looked down at my plate.

“I know, I feel the same. I was surprised you didn’t notice me staring the other day”

“You were?”

“Yeah, you were at your desk and had this pencil hanging out of your mouth and you looked like your computer had just asked you to single handedly solve its coding, you were just so in your own world, you didn’t even notice anyone else around you, you looked pretty” David held my gaze but I could see the slight embarrassment at his confession etching over his features, he put his fork down and sighed. “I know this hasn’t been great, this whole relationship thing between us. I wanted it to be better than this but I just couldn’t think of anything but the case, I don’t normally get so involved but those girls…they need someone like me to spend too much time looking for leads and not enough time on his new girlfriend, who was well within her rights to leave me, I wouldn’t have blamed you”

“I wouldn’t have left you David. I know how hard this had been, I saw the paperwork. I don’t blame you for not paying attention to me, I couldn’t, I like you for who you are and if that includes your dedication to your work then so be it” a smile spread across Davids face and I let one spread across mine too and for a moment we did just look like two fools in love.

#detectiveloki #detective loki #detective loki x reader #jake gyllenhaal #jake gyllenhaal x reader #fanfiction

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missmohnique · 5 years

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If I had known then what I know now..

Have you ever wondered if you would know the person that was the one for you when you met them? I remember reading somewhere that you've probably already met the person you're going to end up with. I zero evidence to back any of this up except my experience. I guess it's true what they say...You always meet someone when you're not looking. Well his name is Shannon and visually he's my usual type tall and thick, outside of that he is like nothing I've ever experienced. He isn't small by any measure but he's not massive either. Shannon has deep mahogany skin, with almond shaped eyes that are a mesmerizing amber color like that of an expensive cognac, warm, comforting and intoxicating. He has beautiful white teeth that almost look like veneers, but are just imperfect enough to be natural. The combination of his white teeth and dark skin, coupled with the way his eyes light up and absurdly deep dimples makes watching him laugh a truly breathtaking experience.

The first time I actually met Shannon I was nineteen, he was sitting on my roommates' shoe chest at the foot of her bed. He had come with a homeboy of hers and by association mine "T". I had just walked in from work and class and my roommate called to me "Miller (for some reason she had taken to calling me by my last name) come here." "Do you have food?" I asked starving "No, but "T" is here" (she knows "T" is my one of my favorite people) I yell from my room "well if "T" is here why was I not greeted at the door?" I can hear them laughing from down the hall. I heard "You know I love you M&M (my initials: Mohnique Miller), please don't hurt me I'll do better" I stepped in the room and saw him. When he looked up I saw the spark of recognition in his eyes and I'm sure he saw the same in mine. "Oh Miller this is"... Shannon, I finished her statement. It clicked for him too. See Shannon didn't go to college straight out of highschool like I did, he worked for a year. He worked in a packaging warehouse loading boxes onto trucks to go out for delivery, my father was his boss. I remember my dad telling me one of his guys was leaving and coming to Southern for school. Looking back I think my dad was maybe nudging me in Shannon's direction. He made passing comments on how the women at the warehouse would react when he took his shirt off, apparently this was a common practice.

Anyway, when he told my dad he was going to Southern, my dad must have told him that's the school his daughter attended because he sent me a friend request on Facebook. We didn't make any plans to link up or anything and honestly I had forgotten all about him until the day he was in my apartment. "Oh my god how are you, how do you like it so far"? "This is so crazy, I'm good. I can't believe I just randomly ran into you at your house no less." At this point both my roommate and "T" are looking at us like we're crazy so I explained "Shannon used to work for my dad". My roommate jumped up "Are you shittin me Miller, he worked for your dad and this is your first time meeting?" She knew my type and he was it "Did you know he went here"? "Yea, I said, my dad told me over the summer and Shannon requested me on Facebook". We all sat and hung out for a couple of hours, then "T" and Shannon left. Shannon and I only met up one other time and that was it. I left school the next year and didn't hear from him again.

Fast-forward more than ten years and a friend of mine decided to throw a little mid-summer kickback and invited a few people over some I knew, some I didn't. I had been there about an hour, just sitting down having regular conversation with my friend when he called this guy over and as if conjured from my fantasies this brown version of a Greek god stood directly in front of me. I was momentarily speechless, completely caught off guard. He extended his hand and without thinking I took it and stood. "Nice to see you again Mohnique, it's been a long time" he said, then turned to say something to my friend. I have no idea what he said because my complete focus was on my hand that was still engulfed in his and he was stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. My friend snapped me out of my revelry and asked how we knew each other, Shannon told him it was a long story that he would tell him someday and let go of my hand. Curious, I asked my friend the same question. "We were stationed on the same base in Afghanistan." I turned to Shannon "you were in the Army?" "No ma'am, Marines RECON." My mind immediately produced images of him in and out of his dress blues that I promptly filed away in the back of my mind for later use. Shannon and I spent the rest of the party catching up. He had left school shortly after I did and enlisted in the Marines, he "retired" and has been a firefighter ever since and loved it. We exchanged numbers and called it a night. The next morning I woke up to a text from him "Good Morning, I wanted to hear your voice again but I figured I wouldnt get the favorable response I wanted at 4am lol. Have a great day. I cant wait to see you again and I'll be thinking about you until I do." I read it three times and felt myself cheesing like a teenager. "Girl get ahold of yourself you don't know anything about him." I text him back with a simple "You have a great day too, let me know what your schedule looks like this week." We got together that weekend and every weekend after (he has some rank so he is off on the weekends). Hanging out with him was more like chilling with an old friend. There was no pressure to be anything else and I appreciated it. Over the next few months we really got to know each other. One evening we were at his place, as we often are because he has a balcony with beautiful view of the city and I love a balcony. He was out there leaning on the railing, whisky in hand. I was in the kitchen getting a refill, he didn't hear me come out, so I took the opportunity to stand in the doorway and watch him. At the angle he was standing his profile was backlit by the city lights I took in his 6'2 230lb frame and even in stillness there was a sense of strength and power about him, it emanated from him like an aura and surrounds anyone in his immediate vicinity. He took a deep breath and I guess he registered my presence and tuned to catch me looking at him. He didn't say anything, just tilted his head to the side, and raised an eyebrow. I walked out and asked him if he was ok, he said he had a lot on his mind and couldn't make sense of any of it. "I've found that we often already know what the answer is to a problem or issue we're having, the key is finding someone whose opinion you trust and talk it through." I went back to lounging and sipping my wonderful wine, he has great taste in wine. He turned around and sat next to me and started "well this is whats going on.." "Whoa wait, me?" I asked. Yea he said with an "obviously" look on his face, he continued "Listen, when I'm with you, you always seem so at ease and you put me at ease, which isn't as simple as it sounds for a guy like me." "A guy like you, what do you mean?" Mo, I've seen things as a Marine and Firefighter that I would pay every dollar I'll ever make to unsee, but for whatever reason (looking me directly in my eyes) for the last few months things have been easier. I don't know why but spending time with you helps. You also give great advice and refuse to sugarcoat or water down your thoughts and opinions and that not a common trait these days." I sat there for a moment, then got up and looked at him. It was his turn to ask if I was ok. "Two years ago I was rushed to the hospital and put on a ventilator because I couldn't breathe on my own, three weeks in the ICU later I was diagnosed with an auto immune disease that there is no cure for and would have to manage for the rest of my life. It was a really, really rough time both physically and mentally, but I remember how much being around my friends that are basically family helped. How spending time with them, laughing and forgetting about everything for just a little while made such a difference. Once I got better I prayed that I could do for someone else, what was done for me." I explained with tears in my eyes. "Well you can cross being a lifeline off your bucket list" he smiled flashing those dimples deep enough to swim in. He stepped closer and wrapped me up in his arms. "Ugh, I'm such a crybaby" I said. He said that's ok with me, he wiped a tear off my cheek and laughed. I could feel the low rumble of that laughter in my chest. He was so warm, I could feel the heat down to my bones. We stood just like that for several minutes, then he let go and I immediately missed his closeness but not for long. Shannon took my hand and led me to the couch where he sat first then pulled me into his lap. He again wrapped his arms tightly around my shoulders and rubbed my back. This was it, I was home. I buried my face in his neck and inhaled , he smelled like Ralph Lauren Double Black on top of Cedar. I heard a low groan and I couldn't tell if it was from me or him. I felt safe, protected, and completely relaxed. He tightened his hold on me and placed light kisses on my neck just below my ear and this time I knew the sound I heard came from me. The whole world could have been burning outside the door and I wouldn't have cared. Neither of us said anything or made any attempt to move, suddenly his google home system started "Can U Handle it?" by Usher in the middle " Can you handle it, can I go there baby with you...." I sat up and looked at him, he looked down at me like he was waiting for something "Well...can you?" he asked licking his lips.

#missmoh

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geminimoonbeamx · 6 years

Text

Sugar Rush: Part One

A/N: So I’ve kind of been dying to write any kind of Sub!Sebastian story for ages. Just because I’m obsessed with reading Stucky stories(porn) and more often then not he’s a bottom and I live for that shit. So I thought I’d try my hand at writing some real kinky shit. Also if you guys haven’t read Suga Mama by Emotchalla, please fucking do. Her story along with the massive amount of Sugar baby Stucky fics are why this idea has seeded itself into my brain and wont go away.

Also- I don’t have time to be writing another 25 chapter story lol. So this fic is going to be paced kind of fast, and at some points be one shots that are barley connected. Kind of just a way to get out my fantasies- no novels here.

Word Count: 4k+

Warnings: As with all of my stories there’s a permanent warning of cursing. I have a mouth like a sailor and express myself through the word fuck.

Summary: Bucky is a College student in his early twenties who seems to be drowning in the struggle of adulthood. When he meets Y/N, a well off Magazine CEO and gets the proposition of a lifetime, he takes on a title he never even could have imagined. Sugar Baby.

Bucky Barnes was no stranger to hard work. To the struggles of life.

He, along with his little sister Rebecca, had been in and out of the system up until he was nine; group homes and foster care were things that he was familiarized with at a young age. But so were heroine needles and that look that junkies get in there eye when the were high- he’d take sleeping in a clean bed in orphanage over listening to his mother tweak in the next room any day. He’d been adopted by George and Winifred Barnes two months shy of his tenth birthday, and they were the best people he’d ever met. Kind, and loving. He truly believes that they were heaven sent(if you tasted Winnie Barnes’ country fried steak, you’d think the same) but it’s not as though his life was suddenly a cake walk. He grew up the eldest of five- four younger sisters.

Yeah, if that sounds a little hellish, that’s because it was. He loved those little brats with all his heart, but damn, had they forced him into the “mature older brother” role.

He’d done well in High School- both athletically and academically. Played Varsity baseball and stayed on the honor roll all four years. Was it hard? Balancing the two along with his flourishing social life(because everyone love Bucky, that’s just how it went)? Yeah, maybe. But he did it.

…The hardest, most unexpected endeavor that he’d ever have to face came when he was eighteen- the car accident. The one that had left him mangled and broken. So fucked up- no one ever knew if he’d be able to recover-

But guess what? He had.

He liked to think his best personality trait was resilience. Throw anything at him. Any-fucking-thing. And he’d endure it, and bounce back.

But being a college student, living in New York City? Now this was some rough shit. If he wasn’t working at one of his two jobs, the ones that barley covered his rent, phone bill and tuition payments- he was in school. Studying his ass off, desperately attempting to get his degree. He barley had money for food most of the time. Thank fuck that he and his roomates had a “grocery jar” that they all contributed too- or else he surely would have starved. His diet consisted mostly of frozen foods and PBJ’s

He was living that early twenties struggle. The one that he knew everyone had to go through- to build character and all that. But fuck, was it killing him.

He was running on fumes, which wasn’t out of the norm, but still was starting to take it’s toll as he shook a bag of Cheddar Ruffles into his mouth. Breakfast of champions. He was listening to his roomates as he clambered around the kitchen, only having five or so minutes to spare before he had to go catch the subway and get to school.

It was a discussion they’d been stressing over heavily as of late.

Steve had moved out a month prior, finally taking the next step with his long time boyfriend, Sam- and Bucky was happy for him.

“Finally, punk” He’d grinned and slapped the back of his friends head. would he miss him? Yeah, he would. Bucky had a lot of friends- but Steve was his best friend. His first friend. But times changed, and they were getting older and Steve still lived in Brooklyn, so there really wasn’t nothing to spill tears over.

Except for the fact that now, they had to figure out how to cover that missing gap of rent.

There was still him, Scott and Clint- and now he had his own room(which he’d won fair and square in an arm wrestle, thank you very fuckin’ much) but making the nearly two thousand dollar rent payment every month was going to be harder. And it had them all on edge.

“I’ll pick up some more shifts at the café” Bucky deducts, chugging down the rest of his coffee.

“And how are you gonna’ do that? And go to school? What are you gonna’ do? Astral Project?” Clint gave him a dead pan look and Bucky shrugged. He’d do what he had to.

“How fucking cool would that be though? If you could really, you know, like astral project…why are you guys looking at me like that?” Scott ended his sentence defensively as both Bucky and Clint stared at him pointedly. Bucky with a hint of amusement, and Clint with his arms folded across his chest.

Scott was most definitely the child of the group. The one that you found passed out in the bushes at parties…which was why when they’d found out his ex girlfriend was pregnant a few years ago- they’d all, to be frankly honest, had been fucking terrified for him. He was actually a pretty decent father though. His daughter spent one weekend a month with them, and Bucky thought she was just about the cutest thing ever.

“Can you take this seriously for a second, man” Clint stressed and Bucky just sighed and grabbed his back pack. He really couldn’t handle anymore stress at the moment and he was kind of happy he had to be at his 9 o'clock lecture. At least he could escape this conversation.

“It’ll be fine, okay guys? We’ll figure it out. Don’t stress it so bad” He soothes as he walks past them, giving them each a pat on the shoulder.

“We’re going to have to become strippers! You do realize that, right?” Clint calls to him as he’s half way out of the door and he chuckles.

“Well I do have the ass for it” is Bucky’s parting statement.

The trek across the city, to NYU was as it always was. He spent it on the subway, his head phones blaring in his ears as he went over his homework and got a little more studying in, even though his eyes kept crossing from exhaustion.

He really was considering Clint’s suggestion- stripping didn’t sound so bad right now. If not for his scarred up arm, he probably would have done it ages ago. Because Bucky wasn’t a judgmental prick, and he considered strippers and sex workers as just that- workers. People trying to get by. He didn’t really care how people got their money.

He rushed across campus and managed to make it to his Poly Sci class not only on time, but early. He knew it’d earn him some brownie points with Professor Xavier. He was unpacking his laptop- which was horribly outdated, and his text books when you walked in. He’d been looking up at someone passing by his desk when he’d first laid eyes on you. It wasn’t the way you looked, although he cant deny, you looked damn good. With your sleek black pant suit that clings to your curves(and you’re nothing but curves) and bag hanging on your arm. Your makeup done impeccably and your hair shiny- you looked expensive. Well manicured. You looked like money.

No; it was more the way you carried yourself. The confidence in your strut. The way that you held your chin high, and not in a douche arrogant way…but more in an elegant self assured way. He cant help but watch you, the way that you smile brightly and give Professor X a warm hand shake, squeezing his with both of yours. When you’re introduced to the class as the guest speaker the professor had invited, Bucky grins.

“This is Y/N Y/L/N, a former pupil of mine. Former writer for the New York Post and current Editor and Chief of S.H.I.E.L.D Magazine”

Ahh, so you didn’t just look like money. You were made of it.

S.H.I.E.L.D was a global Magazine- a household name. One that covered most everything; entertainment. Fashion. Politics. He found himself flipping through one almost every day at work.

Listening to your speech was almost hypnotic. You were humble, and yet commanded the room. He learned that at the ripe age of 32, you were the magazines youngest ever Editor and that you’d worked tooth and nail to get there. You talked about the importance of public relations, and knowing what was going on in the world- no matter what subject one might go into. Covered the best ways to get into any business-

“Persistence!” You’d encouraged with a smile “I mean excuse my French, but annoy the shit out of them! Make yourselves memorable. Don’t be afraid to break away from the norm, because the most special parts of you- the ones that will get you places- are buried under your insecurities”

It was honestly one of the most interesting, engaging classes Bucky had ever sat in. You gave real tips, talked about real life in a way that was so blunt; it was refreshing. At the end, right before you were set to end your discussion, you took questions.

You were answering a girl who sat next to his question about you’re travels while writing when you catch him staring at you.

It’s a hot gaze. A heavy one. His gunpowder eyes seem to…look deep into you. Set you alight from the inside out. When you meet the gaze, boldly meeting his eyes its like…

Fuck.

It’s like nothing Bucky has ever experienced. He wants to crawl out of his skin, wants to crawl to you. Wants to taste what that gaze promises. It feels like it lasts an eternity, but really its only a few fleeting moments, before you break the stare. He feels like something inside of him breaks too, as you look away. As he packs his things back up into his book bag. As the bell chimes singling the end of the period and he leaves the classroom room.

He knows he’ll probably never see you again and that thought alone upsets him way more then it should. He hadn’t even said a word to you. Why was he such a fucking idiot? He should have asked a question- or something. As he goes on with the rest of the day, he finds himself unable to keep you out of his mind. You keep popping up. You’re pearly smile. You’re E/C eyes, and those lush lashes that framed them. He’s drifting into the thought of you as he works; making coffee for teachers and students alike.

He works at one of the many campus cafes’ part time, and today he’s behind the coffee bar. He doesn’t mind it, he actually likes barista-ing. The business of it makes time go by faster. Because everyone needs their caffeine fix, there’s never really a slow moment. He’s always busy. Which is why he doesn’t notice you when you walk in. Doesn’t even realize you’re there until you’re right in front of him, next in line.

He almost chokes on his fucking tongue.

“Um- Hey. Hi” Smooth, Bucky- he hisses at himself in his mind.

Your lips widen, grinning in recognition and his stomach flip flops.

“Hello again” You greet him, trying to reel in your own shock. What kind of fucking serendipity was this? After the entire day of giving your guest speech to class after class- you couldn’t get the stormy eyes out of your head. And now here he was. About to make your coffee. “Fancy meeting you here-” your eyes peel for his name tag.

“Bucky” He inturupts with a nervous little smile.

“Bucky? Hmm” You roll his name over in your mouth. Tasting it. He watches his name slip from between your lips and he can feel a twitch in his black work slacks.

“I like it” you decide and he chuckles and thanks you, telling you he was pretty fond of it himself.

“Well, what can I get you?”

“A large, iced skinny white chocolate mocha with extra whip, please- And what’s good to snack on here?” your eyes scan the large, clear display box full of goodies an Bucky’s more then happy to help you. Anything- to keep talking to you. You end up on a ham and cheddar bagel- he says he can testify to their delicacy. He ate two every day-

“You’re in pretty good shape for treating bagels like their own food group” You teased, but only party. He was gorgeously built- not “body builder bulky” but tall and broad shouldered, his biceps prominent under the long sleeves he wore. You wanted to bite them.

“I work at a gym part time” He chuckles back as he runs your platinum card “Gotta at least try to look the part”

He obviously misses your ogling as you give a relaxed hum in response, taking your purchases and shooting him one last heart stopping smile and goodbye as you retreat. Everything inside of him screams in fear, and its so confusing. Because he had just met you, had maybe said a dozen words to you, and yet he’s terrified of you walking out of the door and him never seeing you again. It’s that same alarm going off on his head as earlier after class. He’s relieved when you choose, instead of leaving, to take a table in the back corner of the café.

“Okay, who the fuck is that? And why did she make you react like a twelve year old boy?” Darcy, one of his co-workers, asks. Her thin, dark brow raised and her pouty lips pulled into a shit eating grin.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”- he almost face palms at that. At how childish and unbelievable he sounds.

“Um H-H-Hey. Hi. Hello” She snarks, teasing on the way that he had greeted you and he bumps his shoulder to hers lightly, telling her to fuck off under his breath as he goes onto another costumer. Happy for the distraction.

You sit in that little café for far too long. Sipping on your iced coffee until it’s nothing but ice. Nibbling on the ham and cheese bagel- he was right it’s delicious. You pull out your tablet and get some work done- making sure that everything’s going smoothly. Checking in with your assistant. You sit there for almost an hour before you’re forced to leave and you cant help but feel a little huffy. Why hadn’t he come up to you? You can feel that intense stare of his on you. You don’t have the time to wait for him- and yet the idea of never seeing his handsome face is not something you’re willing to face. So you reach into your bag, and pull out one of your business cards and a pen.

Bucky cant seen to take his eyes off you for more then a few minutes at a time- its like you’re magnetic. The way your hair falls around your face, the way you cross your thick thighs. He adverts his eyes every time he feels like he’s about to get caught though. Darcy’s right. He’s being a twelve year old boy.

When you walk over to him, your red bottomed heels clicking, his head snaps up.

“Thanks for the bagel. It was delicious” You grin as you slide a bill and a card across the counter to him. His eyebrows pull together.

“What’s this?”

“A tip” You shrug…“It was really nice to meet you, Bucky” You purr, looking at him pointedly before you’re walking out of the door. He’s glued to the sight of your wide ass in those tailored pants for a moment- before he’s looking down at the paper in his hands.

His eyes widen, to an almost comical degree as he takes in the cash. You’d left him a two hundred dollar tip! Two fucking hundred dollar pills, crisp and neat sit under your business card. Which has your name and number printed on it in elegant scroll. He flips it over and is surprised to see there’s more.

-I know how hard tuition can get and working two jobs cant be easy.

I’d love to help, handsome. Give me a call sometime- xoxo, Y/N-

He cant believe what he’s looking at, he cant seem to draw air into his lungs to clear his head as he stares at your loopy, cursive hand writing. We’re you insinuating what he thought you were?

“Oh my god, you lucky bitch” Darcy’s voice comes from over his shoulder as she also stares down at what he’d been left “If you don’t call her, give me her number so I can!”

The first person Bucky actually does call, once he’s home and in the sanctuary of his room is Steve. Because Steve is his best friend, and Steve will know what to do with this information.

Of course, the asshole laughs at him for the first five minutes of the conversation. Until Bucky is huffing and threatening to hang up.

“I’m sorry, Buck. It just reminds me of when Mrs. Levinstien used to only pay you to mow her lawn. That dirty old lady had the hots for you so bad” Steve chuckles in defensive and Bucky grimaces at the memory.

“She’s not like that, though, Steve. She’s- she’s fucking beautiful, and successful and sexy. You should have seen her man” Bucky trails a hand through his hair as he thinks back at his interactions with you, and the mark your presence had left on him.

“Then what’s the problem?” That’s Sam who replies and Bucky rolls his eyes. Of course Steve would have him on speaker phone. Him and same we’re like connected by the tip of their dicks, so he was used to it.

“The problem with him pimping himself out?” Steve’s voice came out incredulous over the receiver.

“I mean, he already seems to like this girl. So he get to be with her and be paid for it? That doesn’t sound like a bad deal to me” Sam argues and they’re just making Bucky’s tired head ache.

“All I’m saying is that working those two jobs obviously aint cutting for you man. Call her. What’s the worst that could happen? You get to see a girl who you obviously have the hots for again? If you’re not into it, just leave. Its that simple” And when Sam say’s it like that, it really does click into place. It really does seem that simple. Even with Steve insisting that she could be a serial killer.

Bucky takes the night to sleep on it. He dreams of your lips, dreams of fucking that pretty mouth that seemed to spew nothing but charm of intelligence. Dreams of you sucking and sucking until he’s screaming. He hasn’t come so hard in his pants since he ACTUALLY was twelve. He wakes up to stickiness in his boxers and his cock pulsating and he knows he has to call you.

Why he’s so nervous? He doesn’t know…he keeps making excuses. Maybe you’d changed your mind over night? Maybe you we’re too busy to take his call…he finally musters up the balls after he’s getting off of his job at the gym a few days later, the sun setting on the city. It only rings twice before you pick up and he’s greeted with your bell chim like voice.

“Hello, this is Y/N speaking”

“Hey” His voice is too deep, gravely, but he cant help it. He’s nervous “This is Bucky- from school. I mean from the university- that you lectured at the other day-”

Why? Why does all cognitive thought leave him when he attempts to talk to you?

“Bucky, huh? I was starting to think you we’re going to call me” You tease him, but he can hear the smile in your voice.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I’ve been really busy” He lies- he’d just been a chicken shit.

“Mmhm” You don’t sound amused by that “We’re all busy people, and time is of the essence. I knew I should have gotten your number”

He chuckles at your directness “Now you have it”

“So I do. What should I do with it, hmm?”

“I don’t know… You tell me” He feels a little idiotic saying it, but he’s truly curious to what happens next.

“Why don’t you let me take you to dinner?” You’re nearly purring again and Bucky has to bite his lip to keep himself at bay. You were so straight forward, so unlike any of the girls he’d ever come into contact with in the past.

“Really?” He’s never let any one take him out to dinner. He was always the one to ask, to lead. But he had all of twenty dollars in his bank account(that two hundred you’d given him had gone to his part of the utility bill) and honestly, he wasn’t sure how he was going to stretch it til’ his next paycheck. Even if he wanted to be the one to take you out, to wine and dine you, he couldn’t.

“Mmhmm, really. Are you free Friday- at eight?”

“Um yeah, that could work” He was supposed to be working at the café that night, but he’d have someone cover him.

“Alright. Do you like Cajun food, there’s a new restaurant that opened in SOHO that I’ve been meaning to check out”

He liked any food that didn’t come out of his freezer, and so he agrees eagerly. You tell him to send you his address so that you can send for him, and he only faintly tries to protest, you reassure him that it would really be no problem.

“‘Kay then, it’s a date. I’ll see you then”

“I can’t wait” He’s overly eager, he can hear it in his own tone but the giggle you let out is warm and seeps into his bones instead of embarrassing him.

“Me neither. Have a good rest of your day, Bucky” and then you click end and he stands in the middle of the busy side walk, his phone still pressed against his ear. He feels hot all, the butterflies ricocheting in his stomach. He swallows it, pushes it down, feeling ridiculous and “unmanly” for the affect you have on him as he pushes on down the street.

Yeah, Bucky’s struggled.

But things seem like they may just be looking up.

@buchonians @papi-chulo-bucky @geekyweed @4theluvofall @peacefulwriter88 @missrobyn81 @prettybubblesintheair @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @papi-chulo-seb @shayla-markele @thatawkwardtinyperson @docharleythegeekqueen

Okay ya’ll let me warn you now this one is going to be KINKY as a motherfucker. Prepare yourselves. And let me know if you’d like to be tagged for this little series!

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x plus size reader #plus size reader #sub!bucky #college au #college!bucky #domme!reader #bucky barnes smut #this ones going to be KINKY #curvy reader #twink!bucky #young Bucky #sebastian stan #steve x sam

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irl-futaba-sakura · 5 years

Text

i just need to vent a little, i’ll prolly delete this in like 20 min cuz thats just how i am, a regret machine lmao :U

i’m at the point where i feel like i need to run away and become a new person, leaving everything behind, or i’ll just end up a dead body somewhere where nobody can find me

first thing is first, i’m venting here because i need the aspect of people potentially seeing, but i dont really want anyone to talk to me because i 100% will just shut down if that happens. if you wanna show support or whatever, a link on this post is enough, honestly. it shows me someone did read it, but i dont expect anything more, if even that at all. just wanted to clear that up. “positive talk” shit just makes me feel worse too so please dont send me anything thanks.

i dont mean that to be alarming tbh, its just that i felt that the last year was great for recovering and trying to be a normal ass human being, but i was only recovering from one thing (dumbass delusions and hallucinations that kept me from functioning like a normal person, often too much for me to even want to move from one spot in my room, etc but its for the most part passed save a few “leftovers” i guess i’ll call them, yeah i know im crazy fuck off) and not the many other things i needed to learn how to do to be a functional and useful adult in society

for fucks sake im 25 and i havnt had a stable job in years, and the only real job ive had was literally asking me to be faster than i could humanly go, spending breaks crying in the bathroom so i didnt break down in front of all the residents at the old folks home. doing art is... cool and all but its not stable and thats all my fault.

im afraid that no matter if i get hired anywhere ill just loose the job in a year or less. if not for the fact that im the most useless thing then it will be my health issues that my previous job (the fuckign NURSES EVEN) treated like normal pain even though i lay in bed or the bathroom floor crying and throwing up pain killers. i havnt been able to see a professional for a diagnosis or even a fuckign checkup since before i was in high school.

for the first time in a while iv ebeen wanting some way to punish myself for all the things i¿’ve done, or not done, or whatever. i havnt done anything yet anyway, though i have had time to consider some things that are pretty overall harmless but at least effective. i dunno.

because i feel like everything is my fault.

this life i was given, somehow its my fault. punishment for not finishing school and being a useless body barely considered for any kind of job. punishment for not being able to please the people i care the most about. punishment for trying to figure my shit out on my own. punishment for this and that and the other thing.

im living a burden’s life

at this exact moment i want nothing more than to just casually disappear and jujst suddenly be someone else, if anyone at all. let me start over in anohter ountry, another body, adnother sret of problems that are hopefully not a hinderance to me getting a job and being a decent and useful body in whatever society i end up in. i guess the body part is unrealistick outside of the slight possibility of reincarnation after death, but that assumes i would reincarnate into something sentient enough to have these problems to begin with. after all im not sure i deserve another human life after this one.

but i dont really want to give up the like three people i talk to, the like four maybe five hobbies or things that interest me, the general place i live in... its not half bad here, other than being cold as fuck. theres clean water, the worst natural problem is floods, snow or tornadoes, all which are more managable than not. hell theres even gonna be a round1 opening here soon.

im afraid of the ghosts in the house now

ghosts cant really hurt you right, but the thought of seeing one, encountering one, im too scared to do things like go to the basement and do my laundry, walk around the house when im home alone. at most i may go to the kitchen to make food, i would be safer in my bed or at my desk so i will stay there.

if i see one of their faces i wont stop thinking about it, i wont wanna even be left alone, so i cant go places i need sometimes. i dont know...

im afraid of living away from the people i have gotten used to seeing every day. i have not enough merits on my own to keep myself afloat, not till i can finish school and even then i lost my high schookl records and e¿wehnerbrt i have money to potentially go to school again i only have so much and little time here ant there and i will need more for the bus, i cant do this as easily i widh i col. its stupid i hate it i hate myself for being so fucking fifficult and i wish i wan literally anyone else who didnt have to have fucked up so badly in their past that im undesirable in jobs. i dont have antyhign worth giving.

i look like shit now, i was beign a bit okay but now stress made me ugly again. i dont want to bee seen outside or by anyone at all ever. can i live my whole life behind a screen? i wish. my dental issues are worse and worse and i cant fuckign afford it and it makesd me looks like a mess and nasty even tho i cake taker of mytselff i tri i really do i wish i oculd be beetttr, i dont talk to anyone bcu im too sacred of thesm now and i lost sll my fredins but i dnt want them back at all becasude im too scared to sau hey i meedds up im sorryu im not cry typing i cnat get mu brasin to process it too fast im sorru hten barely reassable sorry

i guess if dgonna be hard to reas im sonna stor then bye

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welllbeing · 6 years

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so I realized I didnt put trigger warnings on my other posts talking about rape and I’m sorry.

but I left out the fact that it was a tinder date. I actually left out a lot, I didnt tell the whole story and I havent told this to anyone in person either but I want to get it out somewhere. now, the guy from tinder wasn’t the one who raped me. it was another guy who was there,

this is going to be a long post

the tinder guy and I talked for a litle bit here and there before I went. he seemed nice and would send me snaps every day. so at the time, it all felt like I had just misunderstood the situation but now that I think about it, it seems a little weird.

so this guy was originally supposed to come pick me up from my house and we were going to go get food and maybe see a movie. but then he suggested me going there because we could eat something and then go swimming later since there was a pool in the backyard. I was up for it so I said okay and drove out there.

when I was leaving he had told me it was only 25 minutes. my gps said 48. I went anyway. then I got there I learned that its not even his house, its his friends and they were having a small pool party. I didnt expect there to be other people but I figured that he probably wanted to see how I got along with his friends and everything and there was a girl there so I just sat with her while he ran out to the store for snacks and stuff. she was really nice and the guys kind of stuck to themselves playing in the pool, I felt fine about the whole thing.

now,, tinder guy said hello when I got there and introduced me to his friends but then he kinda didnt pay any attention to me for the rest of the time that we were outside. and it didnt bother me then, he was playing in the pool, I wasn’t, so it kinda just made sense. but then we all went inside and were going to smoke on the screened in porch, the girl went in to pee and then the guys went in to get alcohol and to roll so i was left out on the porch for a while because they all ended up standing in the kitchen talking while two of the guys rolled and the other made drinks. I just stayed on the porch since i was smoking a cigarette but tinder guy eventually came out and sat and talked with me for a little bit. everyone else came about 10 minutes later so we all started smoking and drinking.

now, I dont smoke often but I can smoke a whole blunt by myself and be fine. we shared between 8 people (a couple of other people came after a while). and I can drink an entire bottle of fireball and just be tipsy. now idk what was up with me that night but I had one shot and two moonshine soaked cherries and then only hit the blunt 4 times and at first I was fine but then i started to feel nauseous and then I felt hot in the face but cold on the back of my head and I felt incredibly dizzy. so i got off of the stool i was sitting on and went and got on the couch that was on the porch. i sat there and just waited it out.

by the time the nausea went away, most of the people went inside to play video games (including tinder guy) and I was left outside with two of the guys. guess who being one of them. the three of us talked for about 20 minutes or so and then the guy that owned the house started telling everyone he was going to bed so people started leaving. it ended up being just me, tinder guy, and ‘you know who’ left (I dont know what to call him.). tinder guy was still inside but the other guy asked me if I could give him a ride home, said that the guy that brought him home left and that he was on the way to where I was headed. I said sure. tinder guy came back out and offered to give him a ride home shortly after but he told him that I already would. now, this conversation at first made me feel like he wasnt wanting me to give him a ride, and idk maybe he didnt and im just reading into it too much, but heres what happened.

tinder guy asked if I was sure, I said I didnt mind since it was on the way and I had already told him yes. he told me that he could take him and I still said it was fine. now i took that as him either being nice or possibly being jealous that i was gonna drive another guy home even though i came to see him. but I was honestly a little annoyed that he ignored me for all but 10 minutes the entire night and that it was 1 am and i still had to drive another 48 minutes and be at work in the morning but I was also just trying to be nice and save him having to go the opposite way from his house to take this guy home. so I said I would.

we all started saying goodbye to each other, the guy who lived there went inside so the three of us went out to the yard, and I started walking to the car. but it wasnt until I got to the car that I realized the guy wasnt following me so i just sat on the hood of the car and waited. it was about 15 minutes before he came to the car and I guess wiinder guy went back in because he didnt come through the gate. I didnt think anything of it, I thought they were just talking about something you know? like theyre friends right? we’ll touch on this later.

so ‘you know who’ got in the car and I turned my lights on and realized someone had parked behind me. I dont know why I didnt realise that until after I got in the car, i still had some of that weird lightheaded feeling and my brain was a little foggy but I figured I had driven while high before so id be fine. I couldnt figure out how to get around the car without driving all over the guys lawn though and he was trying to direct me on what to do but I didnt want to hit another car (some people stayed the night there so there were about four cars around mine) so he offered to do it and I let him get in the drivers seat.

so once we got out of the driveway, I expected him to stop and get out but he kept going and asked if it was okay if he drove to his house so he wouldnt have to give me directions. it made sense to me at the time because he knew where he was going, I didnt. and even though i wasnt liek ‘i cant walk or speak’ high or drunk but i did have slightly delayed reactions. and i remember him asking how I knew tinder guy so I told him from tinder and he asked if it was supposed to be a date and I think i said that I wasnt sure. but I know that i wasnt hearing some things he was saying because at one point he had apparently been asking me if he could ask me a question but I didnt answer so he typed it on his phone and held it in front of my face instead. I hadnt smoked in a while so I think thats why I did got so high before and was still high at this point but I mean i dont really smoke much anyway and that feeling has only happened one other time when I smoked a blunt and a half by myself and held my breath on the last inhale. but this was only four hits so its odd when I think about it.

but the question he asked me basically boiled down to asking me if i wanted to fuck. it just took him 5 minutes of elaborate explaining to do that. I said that wasnt what I came here for and that I needed to go home because i had work.

at this point, we had pulled into a neighborhood but I’m pretty sure he just drove the car around in circles all over the neighborhood either a) to confuse me about where his house was because they all look the same or b) to stall. probably both. because I have no idea which house was his or how we even got there, i just remember it was on the right side. and he also spend 15 minutes driving around this neighborhood trying to talk me into hooking up. he kept saying that it was an opportunity, that it was something I’d be able to tell my kids when I got older, that i would never have to hear from him again. I kept telling him that i wasnt going to, that i shouldnt, that i couldnt, but since i didnt say no he parked the car and asked if i wanted to. i hesitated, was going to say no but then he started talking again and gave his whole ‘this is an opportunity; speech again. and it honeslty was like he was asking so many questions and talking so much and I was trying to process it all at once but it all just like mixed together so I just interrupted him

I finally turned completely in my seat and looked at him, apologized, told him that I thought he was nice and i thought he was good looking but that I needed to go home and that i wasnt going to do that tonight because I could tell that I wasnt able to focus good, because I couldnt, my head was hurting and it felt like I was only processing things after they happened, and he said “okay but can I at least get a kiss? just one?”. I hesitated and tried to laugh it off and again, said that I couldnt but he started leaning to me and I honestly wasnt that opposed to just kissing him, like i said I didnt think he was bad looking or anything (although dont remember anything about his facial features anymore) so I didnt move and let him kiss me. it was a bit of a long kiss and he had his hand in my hair but when I felt him put his other hand on my thigh I pulled away and said that I had to go home again but he pulled me back and kissed me again and he started putting his hand in my shirt and it didnt even register until his hand was almost completely in my bra but I pushed it down and pulled away and I did say no to that, i remember that, so then he just sat there and tried to talk me into letting him touch me. I admit, I wasnt opposed to just like making out and messing around, I kind of liked the attention at first (key words), I just didnt want to have sex. so when he kissed me again i didnt really do anything but kiss back.

but then it just got harder and he shoved his tongue down my throat and I tried to kiss back a little bit but then it honestly felt like he was going to crush my head inbetween his hand and his face like it wasnt even like he was kissing at that point, it was like he was just using his mouth to shut me up he was just pushing so hard so I started trying to pull away and to talk and everything but it wasnt working because I he was holding the back of my head and then he put his hand in my pants and started touching me and put mine in his and it was at that point that I thought maybe I should just compromise so i pulled away as much as i could and told him that I would give him head but I wouldnt have sex with him. I didnt really want to do that but I was more willing to do that than have sex with him. he said he wanted to go somewhere more private. I knew that was a bad idea but I also didnt say anything because I also didnt want to be walked up on while I was giving head you know? so he drove down the road a little bit and to a spot with no houses, there was a pond on the right side a little away from the road and I could see houses down the road on the left but there weren’t any directly around us. I started giving him head, I was leaned over the middle console and he kept trying to pull my leggings down but every time he did, I sat up so he finally like smacked his lips and said ‘fine, I’ll just take the head then’ and thats when he started holding me down and he held me down so long once that I felt like i was going to choke or throw up or something. he put his hand in my pants again and put his fingers inside of me but i pulled his hand away and when he let go I immediately sat up again.

I thought about just getting out of the car and i dont know why i didnt, why it took me so long to do it but when I started to reach for the door he reached over me and pulled the lever so the back of my seat went down and he started to get on top of me and i just panicked a little bit but I just started talkign, i kept saying that I couldnt and that I wasnt going to and that i wasnt on birth control ( I was but only had been for a week and a half) and he said ‘fuck that’ I’ll pull out’ but I said that pulling out was shit because I could still get pregnant and went to sit up and push him away but that was when he hit me in the face and got me in the nose and it burned and i guess it kind of just stunned me? i dont know but like my head was pounding after that even though it didnt break or i wasnt bleeding, it just hurt a lot and he pulled my shirt up and unhooked my bra so he could pull it up. he was sitting on my thighs and had one of my arms held against the seat and I had used the other to check if I was bleeding but it didnt feel like I was so i was going to try to push myself up or push him off or something when he got up a little bit to take my pants off but then he elbowed me in the face and that one got me in the mouth and my top and bottom teeth pierced into my lips a little bit on the right side and then he did it again and that split my bottom lip

so after that, idk I just went with it and let him do it. i even helped him get my shoe off when he couldnt get my leggings off around it.. and while he was doing.. that. he kept yelling at me to move up in the seat and when I didnt move enough (I was scared but I didnt want to move to make it easier so I only moved like an inch), he pushed me up and then put himself inside of me and he held my head up and told me to look. he held my head like that almost the whole time but I closed my eyes or tried to just look to my side out the window instead.

then when he was done, he got out on my side and pulled his pants up, and got back in the car. but I didnt close the door when he got out so I just sat there with it open and stared at the road for a minute before he asked if I was ready so I finally stood up to at least put my pants back on but left my bra unhooked and half off because I didnt want to take my shirt off to fix it. and then he drove back to his house when i got back in. once we got back there, he was looking for his wallet and reaching between the seats and everything and I honestly hoped he wouldnt find it and assume he left it at the guys house so I could just get his name but he finally did. so we got out and he started to go around the front of the car towards his house so i went around the back to get in the front seat but he came back around and made me hug him and when I hugged him he said ‘dont you fucking tell anybody” and then as he started walking back he said it was ‘our little secret’ and made the ‘shh’ sign at me.

so after that i just drove down the road a little bit and fixed my bra and shirt and put my gps on and literally raced out of that neighborhood and once i got on the main road i just started bawling.

now the point of saying all of this was not just to get what happened out there so somebody knows (I havent even told my parents or best friend all of this. i just said that i was raped and that he hit me once. i didnt say that i have speculations that i may have been slipped something in my drink. i didnt say that i was going to compromise. i didnt say that i was high. i didnt say that he busted my lip (by the time i told anyone, it had started healing over enough that i could pass it off as just me picking at chapped lips). and i dont know why but I feel like the more details the more it would hurt or something??

but I think tinder guy may know about it. or maybe thats why he invited me. I dont know. because the day before he was talking about us going somewhere and then he asked if I had any female friends because he had a friend that was single and needed a girl but my friends are all in relationships. so the fact that he left me outside with this guy a few times makes me wonder if he was actually said friend.

and the next day I asked him if he knew that guys name. but he said he had just met him that day, that he only knew a nickname. but for the next three days he was on his snapchat. im pretty sure that was him. i dont know why i cant remember his face, i mean it was dark the whole time we were outside but maybe because i didnt think much of him so i didnt pay attention much when we were actually in the light on the porch? I just saw a guy with a hat and a short goatee and a septum piercing that night and then there was a guy with a hat and a short goatee and septum piercing on his snapchat for three days in a row afterwards and he hasnt sent me anything since. I finally took him off of there today, even though he may not have had anything to do with it, hes friends with the guy so I want nothing to do with him.

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thatdragonsdrabbles · 6 years

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[Hmm, gee, I wonder what brought this idea to your mind! Pfft. Well, I guess I should be putting some of my more original work on this blog too. It's my writing blog, not a purely fanfic blog. Welp! *That dragon pretends to crack knuckles. Let's get down to business!]

[Note: Ameles is an original character of mine from a land entirely made by and populated by bugs and other “creepy crawlers.” Perhaps I will write a post that goes more in-depth with this world and the various characters I've created for the setting, but it's also still a work-in-progress, so things aren't all set in stone.]

Ameles/Fae reader, from nearly 200 writing prompts list 10: “ We cant keep this up forever. ” , 43: “ You’re special to me. ”, 132: “ I haven’t slept in four days… ”

“We can't, keep this up forever.”

The statement brought your attention from the vanity to your guard, antennae twitching.

To have been captured by the bizarre creatures of the land of Entomalia would have meant death for any fae, according to the stories. Any, except yourself, by some stroke of luck. It wouldn't have been difficult for them, either. This one easily towered over you, his willowy frame only dwarfed by his sister. (And that hardly mattered. Everyone here was insanely tall, for bugs—the sister seemed nearly nine-feet!) Even without the faebane blades they carried, every member of House Mantis seemed to have a form of dagger or other weapon literally growing from their arms and wrists.

Despite all of this, you had become quite comfortable living here, even as a prisoner. Your family's tales of this land had convinced you they were all emotionless, bloodthirsty people... until your capture and subsequent imprisonment several months ago.

Could you really call it a prison, though? Here you were now: In a room of your own, provided food daily, and practically given free reign of the gardens. You wanted for nothing, even if you still weathered the occasional hiss of disgust or disapproving clicks. And though you weren't allowed to be alone, you were also the safest you had ever been in your life. Things honestly could have been a lot worse.

So you asked Ameles what he meant.

Shifting, the mantis began to click. His mandibles, once a disturbing sight, had become easier to read with your time spent here. And his normally pristine clothing clearly needed a wash and tailoring. Something had him frustrated.

“It is... is still unorthodox,” he explained. The glow of the lights glinted off of his chitin as he fidgeted some more. “You are given special privileges and, Hyme has refused all offers from House Spider.”

You shuddered. Your last run-in with those spiders had... not been pleasant. Even now, the thought made your skin crawl, and you inched closer to Ameles.

Had they had any more trouble on your account? You had wondered if the increase in security had a particular cause.

“Nothing I wasn't able to handle.” You gave him a look, and his antenna swirled in a short circle. “It was, simply, a shortsighted fool with too much money for their own good. I took out your would-be kidnapper myself.”

Kidnapping? For you? There had been a few assassination attempts against House Mantis, but all had been dealt with swiftly, and were targeting the Ladies, not their prisoner... Well, if the kidnapper bad been sent from House Spider, you knew that it would have ended in you becoming a string of meals. You wondered if and why someone would go to the trouble for one mere fae, and shuddered again.

Noticing this, Ameles scoffed. “You are safe. Or, do you doubt me? My abilities?”

What? Of course not! You had seen him in action, a long whip lashing through the air as both weapon and tool. It was quite literally an extension of his arm, hidden within his wrist. Such a strange feature of his people... Sometimes he seemed quite invincible, which made any injuries he sustained rather frightening.

After a moment, the tension in his frame eased, though he still appeared rather stiff, even for him. “I... know you do not. You have, watched me train. That was an, unnecessary, accusation.”

That was an awful lot of pausing—and he was apologizing? Now you were rather worried. You stepped forward, lightly touching his arm. Despite his sometimes rough behavior, Ameles wasn't a terrible person like those old stories had made you assume. He had saved your life, though he had been the first to protest your presence in the manor.

If something was bothering him, you wanted to know. Was he all right?

He straightened, drawing his arm away. “Off! I am, fine.” It was hardly reassuring. When you stubbornly grabbed another arm, he lifted that one out of reach. The gesture brought the two of you closer, forcing you to tilt your head back to be able to meet his gaze. “Fae, do not... test me.”

But you wanted to help. What about your presence was causing them trouble? Was it disapproval from outside of his house, or within? Or was there more than simply the one “shortsighted fool” that wanted to steal you away? You may have been a prisoner, but you were being treated much better here than you had ever been at home. Barring the bad scare you'd been given at the beginning of this, after months in their custody you had grown to love this place. Through good behavior and some quiet moments, you had also earned House Mantis' trust and, you hoped, a soft fondness.

...especially Ameles.

The individual who, even with all of his protests, had still found the time to stop by the kitchens whenever you asked for a small treat before dinner. Who listened to you ramble for hours in the middle of the night about things he swore he couldn't care less about. The one who had stood by your side for the past few days, always prepared to both help and protect...

You paused, watching his antennae twirl. Squinting, you asked him when the last time he had changed his clothes was. Or bathed.

As his silence stretched, your voice may have risen a pitch as you pressed further. Had he truly never left your side, even in your sleep? How many days had it been? Wasn't he taking care of himself?

“That is... not important.” But you poked his chest until his hissed. “It is, my duty, and... I may have... I haven't slept in four days, but that is—”

You made a noise in alarm, reaching up to lightly slap his chest. Bad Ameles! Sleep was important! No wonder he was all out of sorts.

The scolding made Ameles give a much longer hiss, the noise seeming to emanate from all eight feet of his body. “I am not—a nymph! I am capable of making my own decisions, regarding my health and the duties entrusted to—”

You began tugging on two of his arms, trying to pull him with you. If he had been well-rested, it would've been like trying to drag a brick wall. Instead, he nearly stumbled while trying not to fall on top of you.

“What are you doing?”

He was supposed to be guarding your door, but he could hardly do that when he was so tired. If you were able to move him, an assassin would surely do him in. As he had said earlier, he couldn't keep this up forever. He protested, but you were adamant. The door was locked thrice over, including a deadbolt, and there were no other entrances into the room. Not even a window. Surely he could sit down and rest a spell.

“I cannot—my sister would, have my head for even considering—”

What Hyme didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

“You, want me to lie to her?”

He wouldn't have to. You would say he kept close, and that you were safe. Because that would be the truth. Besides which, you knew his sister wouldn't want him to work himself to death, no matter how strict she may appear.

Ameles stared at you, mandibles squeaking as they rubbed together. It took longer than you would've liked for him to cave, but eventually his antennae drooped as the exhaustion hit him once more.

“You... are a troublemaker, through and through.”

That was practically a “yes.” You couldn't help the small laugh as you led him away from the door. His hand caught a chair as you passed, and even in his tiredness he resolutely refused to take your bed. Still, sitting was better than nothing. A wash of relief soothed you as he finally sank into the chair, still watching you closely. The fact that it was situated between your bed and the door was not lost on you. Stubborn mantis.

There were many similarities between him and the much smaller bugs you had seen back home, but also a few differences, thanks to his interesting abilities. One of the latter was that Ameles had thin eyelids, that gradually slid shut until he'd begun to doze in his chair. Posed as he was, he appeared to you like a green-armored knight having finally taken a rest at his maiden's request, allowing her to protect him for a change. Triumph colored your smile as you reclined on your bed, paging through a book you had borrowed from his brother. You hadn't thought a bug person would be so interested in such sappy romance novels. It made you even more determined to figure out how to help, because in the end, they were just people. Quirky, difficult to understand, and sometimes difficult people, but people nonetheless.

In the last moment before he succumbed to true slumber, Ameles muttered, “...Creo... was right. You are special, to me...”

You had glanced up, a quiet “what” squeaking out of you.

“...don't know why, but must, keep safe...”

What exactly was he saying? Could he maybe... repeat that a little louder? But it was soon apparent he had already left the waking world. Glancing at the pages you'd just been reading, you weren't sure whether to accept his words as truth, or as a product of your own imagination. Either way, you buried your burning face into the book.

These bugs were going to kill you one day... and not in the way your family would have expected.

#snippets #original fiction #monster boyfriend #x reader #romantic #fae reader #ameles #mantis boyfriend #dragon writes

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moonlit-nightingale · 6 years

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.:RP-Void Crystal Arc:. A Friendly Visit

Characters:

Saranqerel Qalli (male Xaela), Dain Kotodama (male Xaela)

Rating: Nothing scary, general.

Origin Date: 10 May 2018

Tired, sore, and immersed in something he’d always wanted to avoid, Sari is paid a visit by a trusted friend and brother.

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Shigiyama Dataqkahkol had meandered through the camp, blade at his side, in search of the smaller Qalli. It was almost entirely awash before he spotted the man in the corner of a war map. Masked head canting to the side as he approached. <Such a big map. The Alliance is silly.>

Saranqerel Qalli was taking a break from the stuffy tent, looking over the table. It was quiet, especially in wake of the latest attacks. Rest was needed. <D-dain! What are you doing out here?> He slowly stands, hands on the table for support.

It's said so simply. As though he were serious, the mask cutting off facial expressions didn't help one bit. <You look ragged. You aren't sleeping. Are you eating at least?>

Saranqerel Qalli tilts his head to the side, tired state making him miss the joke. <The mess hall is that way...> He points to his right near a bunch of tents. <The local innkeep helps quite a bit, we're blessed to have him.>

<Sari. You know I live in Hingashi now, yes?>

Saranqerel Qalli is quiet, mind slowly putting things together. <Oh.> Is all that is said. Slow, computing. <A...anyway, you shouldn't be here. The combat is a bit too close to this place as of late.>

Shigiyama Dataqkahkol stared at Sari. Though his right hand, as the left was still actively missing, reached up to slip the plate of the mask away. Clipping it to his side.

<Family at the dojo? And I’m fine, just a few bruises and bumps.> He'd honestly forgotten about his own mask, it had been such a habit to wear it as such.

Shigiyama Dataqkahkol nodded once. Fingertips tapping against the porcelain seeming plate. <The seven - my masters other students. I haven't seen them since the war ended.> Though with a shake of his head, he didn't tarry there. <I'm more concerned about you, especially after seeing you like this.>

Saranqerel Qalli smiles a bit at that. <It seems you have your hands, um, hand, busy. Too busy to worry about me. Zen and the knight fellow...Roi, I think? They've both lent a hand.>

<I've heard, and truthfully... If it weren't for my arm and my mind, I would offer my blade as well. Currently I'm being kept as Botan's body guard, far away from actual fighting.> A deep sigh left him at that. Though his hand reached to a satchel, tossing it to Sari, landing atop the map and certainly scattering any little pieces it hit! <Dried meat and a preserved fruit bread. Traveling food... as close to home as I could do. Really, I had help in the kitchen.>

Saranqerel Qalli gives a small yelp at the scattering of pieces. He spent so long making sure they were perfect! He reached over the long table, nearly laying on it to try and put them back. <T-thank you. I wouldn't want you here anyway. Nothing personal but it /is/ best for you to recover. Thank you for the food though.> A brighter smile under messy bangs as he was still splayed over the table, tail giving a weak swish. <How is everyone back at Quill?>

Shigiyama Dataqkahkol was probably proud the pieces went everywhere. Destruction, making a mess of tables, he could appreciate these things. <Safer now. The mission against Monsutra was called off, from my understanding no survivors had been found. Botan has her voice back as well! Though people have entered a state of silence in home and hearth.>

<Oh!> A blink behind that Wailer mask as he rights a piece near a depiction of the river. <I'm glad to hear she's doing well!> Though the news of that terrifying fight in the Ruby Sea was not fondly remembered.

<Maybe I'll make sure to tell her that when I next write as payback for messing up my map!> The pieces were finally finished being set and Sari slid off the the table, both feet flat on the ground once more. <You still haven't gotten that fixed...? That had to make things difficult.>

<We are busy with things, so I haven't pestered her actively about it no.> The man sheepishly reached up to rub the back of his head.

<Value isn't something that should be attached to people in a priority fashion, brother. If I had the knowledge, I'd do so myself. It would be a welcome distraction.> The bag was pulled over the be browsed through, familiar scents making him smile.

Shigiyama Dataqkahkol waved the thought off. <If a pawn cannot help it's master achieve their goals it is bereft of value. Though I am somewhat harsh, as I am not a useless piece. Just... not as useful as other concerns.>

<Your presence here this evening is most valuable if you want to put weight on such things. Seeing a familiar friendly face that /isn't/ in the Alliance is more than welcome.> The sack is sealed again as he looks over with a happy but tired tail swish.

<So if I joined the Alliance it would then ruin your evening.> A thoughtful hum follows this; but only for a moment as even he laughs. <When this is over you must come visit us in the East. You have family worried about you there.>

<I'd like that. It feels like it's been some time.> The pack is held close to his chest, the gear worn and dirty. <And I want you to take care of yourself and get that hand fixed!>

<It has been... Though, if I may say, you seem somehow less heartbroken now?> A small sound leaving the man as his fingertips brushed along the mask again. Like his attire something carefully put together to better represent his master. <Purpose has done good things for you.>

<Ah...well.> The masked gaze looks to the table. <I've come to terms that perhaps I'll never find someone in a way I want. But I have friends and family I hold dear and I need to stop forgetting how much they care.>

<It is best to build first into the love of family, everything else will follow as Nhaama ordains it.> A small nod is given, a brief smile. <You know... I find it hard to determine the moment you became a man. I had known a growing boy, but look at you now. For whatever it may be worth I am proud.>

Saranqerel Qalli tilts his head to the side, looking back up. There may be the slightest of a blush visible under the half-mask. <...I wasn't aware I came off as anything less when we met.> A curl of the long scaly limb in embarrassment, scraping the stone gently.

<You were a bright eyed son of the Steppe, like a much more mature version of myself when I left!> As though he was all that much older. <In any case. You've grown well. I can't wait to see whom you yet become.>

One hand left cradling the gift of food to scratch near the edge of the mask. <...t...thank you, brother. It's appreciated. You as well. The new gear suits you.>

Shigiyama Dataqkahkol smiles a bit broader to this.

The description can't help but make him smile. <It's very distinguished.>

Shigiyama Dataqkahkol hums a moment. The man shifted, bowing deeply to Sari. <A matter I may have you help in when you come visit. A reason to pressure you into following through and doing so.>

<I'm afraid I know nothing of clothes, that's why they issue me this.> The Qalli chuckles with a shrug, the golden of the cloth muted with sandy dust. <Though there is no need to pressure me. As soon as I do my duty here, my first stop will be to see everyone.> He returns the bow slightly, not wanting to accidentally klutz and spill the contents of the bag, even if tied.

Shigiyama Dataqkahkol was only disappointed he didn't get Sari to bow and knock over his figures.

Saranqerel Qalli's smile is a bit more saddened at that. <With the way of things here, likely not. We have to clean up the mess in this region and /still/ have to make it to Ala Mhigo.>

<It's likely this will go on for awhile... If nothing else I'll ask Kiraa to be around longer. Much of my fighting style is an imitation of his. Likely the one of them I'm closest to next to Narisada...> A small shake of his head given. <But. Whatever Nhaama wills.>

<Aye.> A hug of the pack, glad for simple comforts here. The parting wasn't welcome at all, a reprieve of all this...war. <Thank you, very much so for stopping by and just talking, let alone for this.>

Shigiyama Dataqkahkol blinked at this. Head canting to the side. <You're my little brother whom I love very much. A man that is new to greater war. I intend to check on you as much as I can, at least when an aetheryte I'm attuned to is near. While I know you will be fine... I worry the same.>

<As taxing as worrying can be, knowing someone cares enough to do so makes them worthwhile. ...that was a terrible mix of words, sorry.> A slight blush.

<Don't apologize, it makes your face red. Drink plenty of liquids, heatstroke should be avoided.>

<I-I am! You're starting to sound like Seething Rock now,> he mumbles.

Saranqerel Qalli sulks more at that before perking up. One hand goes to the pearl in his horn as he listens. "Aye. ...what, how did they... Aye, I'll wake them up. We'll be on our way shortly. Stay safe." Straightening up, a frown is instantly on the younger male's face. "There was another attack. I need to go."

Shigiyama Dataqkahkol closed his eyes, a hand had started for his weapon, but veered away. He wouldn't be able to aid in a fight. <We'll talk again later. Go with Nhamaa's protection, Sari.>

Saranqerel Qalli nods, stepping around the table. <Travel safely back. Stick to the aetherytes. There's been no attacks in settlements yet but their boldness of late has me worried.>

#roleplaying #void crystal arc #dain kotodama

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in-a-trans-like-state · 6 years

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so my xmas is pretty much over. it was ok

under the cut is just me giving a blow by blow of my day trying to figure out my emotions.

the morning was nice though i had problems sleeping and woke up about 2 to go back to sleep at 6 to get up at 8 and be tired all day.

I made bacon and raspberry pancakes for my family’s brekkie and we opened presents over food. my dad decided it was a great time to collect all the food and cutlery he wanted from upstairs and take it downstairs (his abode since my parents have spilt up) He wasn't too much of an arsehole though he really could have waited till i’d finished in the kitchen to rummage around it trying to find the last bowl of a set ( that turned out to be downstairs anyway)

We went to my great uncles for lunch. I don’t like having xmas at his much cos he never really comes to family gatherings so he feels more like a stranger than anything. Plus he and his wife are loaded and they invite their rich friends over and i did not feel like talking to people i didnt know. Especially load drunk ones who are the embodiment of the “what could a banana cost? $10?” meme lady. (OK i dont actually know how rich they are but they live in a very nice suburb in a big house with way too much wine and it makes my working class leftist self cringe.) I much prefer to have christmas at my grandma’s run down place that creaks and the kitchen floor slopes because its the uncut bedrock the house it built on, and the only new people i have to deal with are my cousin’s new boyfriends.

One guy was extremely extroverted and drunk and he was very cringe worthy. Like shut! up! you are embarrassing yourself! and your daughters! He cornered me said he remembered me from when i was little and made comments about how I’d changed, he actually bought up the gender thing which like everyone else was stepping around.

My great aunt made comments about how much happier i am and how she was glad i’d followed my stars. Like thanks? But also I transitioned nearly 3 years ago?? Have you not spoken to me since then? (probably) Talking to the drunk guy was awkward but it was over pretty quick and i ran back to my mum.

The food was good. I liked the ham and smoked salmon. there was prawns which stunk and made me feel vaugely sick for the rest of the day. as well as my dad’s smoked chicken. Idk what it is about it but when ever he makes it it tastes slightly off to me. Probably cos im not used to it. There much have been 20 bottles of wine on the table. Like ?? You don’t need a bottle of red and white for every person present.

My dad opted to go home with my aunt and granny so he could stay and bitch longer. He is an alcoholic. I always thought I was maybe exaggerating when i said that but mum recently told me that he has attended AA meeting in the past. Apparently when they last separated about 9 years ago he was sober for a couple of months. but then said something like “my life isnt worth living without alcohol.” Which does make me feel a little sorry for him, but also he is such an arsehole when he is drunk, like he can be bad when his sober but drunk him is a nightmare and 100% why mum’s separating form him (for good this time)

Like mum was so worried during the lead up to xmas because what if he gets drunk and starts complaining loudly about her at the family lunch? And she cant leave cos there’s only one car? Or worse (?) he waits til we get home before (verbally) laying into her and us. I wasnt home but my sister got into uni the other day and instead of congratulating her dad made a big fuss cos no one had told him. I cant wait til mum has her own place. Where she (and me and my sisters) dont have to fear him stomping up the stairs to yell at us. I always tell my self that he’s probably not abusive. Like he is a negative toxic person (mum calls him draining) but he doesnt beat us or emotionally manipulate us on purpose. But honestly whats the difference? I wouldn’t be exaggerating too much by calling him abusive.

I suppose the difference is that I’m (unlikely) to get PTSD from him? And i feel that it wasn’t as bad as some people have it so am I offending actual victims by calling him abusive? But also as theres no way I’m going to start talking over abuse victims and saying shit like I survived my dad with minimal damage that therefore their stories are invalid that calling him abusive or nearly abusive just puts another blip of the spectrum of this is what abuse can look like. If that makes sense? Fuck this was meant to be a christmas post and now its been derailed.

Anyway I hope one of them sobered up enough to drive. Because drunk driving is a dick move and also I’m slightly worried that they’re dead. My anxiety is always going people are late? They had a car crash there’re dead. I know not to fixtate on it and just go well its possible but also quite unlikely so stfu brain.

I spent way too much time on my phone trying to ignore people so now i have a headache. I didnt get to drink because I was designated driver so at least I’m not hungover but I was so tired I nearly feel asleep at the wheel. I came home and slept for two hours straight.

I’ve changed my sheets which ive been meaning to do for a week now, and had coco pops (thanks santa!) for dinner. I need to have a shower and eat some fruit. Hopefully I’ll be able to sleep because we’ve got to get up again tomorrow and go to my granny’s for present opening. because for some reason we couldn’t do it at my great uncles? Like not that I’m complaining about seeing the family again its just very time consuming and I’ve got work tomorrow afternoon so my whole day will be on a time limit and therefor stressful.

I feel pretty down though. its probably the headache. Maybe its the fact i didnt get presents from extended family so my inner four year old is sad. Maybe its the weather it was quite cold today. Maybe I’m all socalised out.

I think its partly cos im disappointed in myself for not engaging with people more. Even though I was tired and therefore socialising is undesirable and they were drunk and too loud. I’m also slightly pissed off at having to go to my great uncles. But also the reason we went is cos he had cancer this year so I also feel like a massive jerk for not wanting to go to his place.

So all in all the day could have gone better. But also it was ok. Like I’ve long since accepted that the whole of christmas day cant be 24 hours of magical this is a special day feeling. Maybe thats an adult sign or maybe its depression (xmas is less and less fun as you grow up) either way I suppose it could have been a more special day. But also it doesnt really matter and hopefully i’ll feel better tomorrow

#this is literally just me rambling for 1300 words #yes i copied pasted it into a word doc might aswell try to collect this 'journal entries'#i do go on a ramble about my parents separating and whether or not i can call my dad an abusive alcoholic #because he is technically but also not really what you think off when you hear abusive alcoholic #like he's never hit us #he's just energy draining and negative and unconsciously sexist and resistant to own up and apologise #partly cos he is too drunk to remember the incidents?#alcohol #abuse #anyway in conclusion i had an ok day that could have been better #and ive got to do most of it again tomorrow which could turn out really good or just plain stressful #i speak

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ashercvans-blog · 7 years

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moody music - asher & aiden

Basically: Asher gets music lessons from his ex Aiden, but plot twist, he didn’t know he’d be getting lessons from Aiden and they don’t actually go over the lesson. Warnings: None. ** Occurs before the big Brad and Asher argument.

Asher knew how to play the piano and the trumpet, but he's always wanted to try his hand at guitar. It seemed like everyone and their mother's stripper knew how to play, and he figured he might as well try his hand at it. Besides, Brad was mad at him still, Phoebe was at school, and he had a day off; might as well do it now, was his reasoning. So, because Asher's lazy, Roger Kipton searched for music teachers to send to his son. He had texted Asher a few days ago that he found someone and they'd be over today, so Asher had spent his afternoon tidying up his house, hiding stray pairs of boxers and cleaning the sink, putting Phoebe's toys away and making sure the cat's litter box was clear. First impressions are important, y'know? Asher decided to make cookies, too, for his teacher, because why not. He forgot momentarily that he sucked at cooking, and it was when he was pulling a smoking tray of black cookies out of his oven when the doorbell rang. "Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, okay," he swore to himself, throwing the tray away and waving a hand in the air to fan away the clouds of smoke. "Coming!" He shouted at the door. "I tried baking and it didn't work so please ignore the s-" His sentence stopped as soon as he opened the door and saw Aiden standing on the other side. If Aiden were to squint, he'd be able to see Asher's soul leaving his body and his palm instantly starting to sweat. What was he doing here? "Um."

Aiden felt like he should've known what he was getting himself into, except he'd been so busy that thinking about anything more than once until the moment it was about to happen just usually didn't happen. When Roger Kipton of all people had asked him for guitar lessons, he should've put the pieces together; that Asher had wanted to learn guitar but Aiden had never gotten around to teaching him, that Asher's dad probably hadn't moved since the last time he'd gone to Asher's house, and that Asher would probably always be under his dad's wing. It all clicked as he knocked on the door, and then wished he would've realized before he'd knocked so he could just walk away - text Asher's dad and tell him he randomly decided to move again or that he was being arrested so he'd never have to hear from him again. Upon first look Asher looked... downright tired, and flustered. The house smelled like burnt cookies, which wasn't surprising because Aiden had always had to pry a spatula out of Asher's hand. He pushed the thought away immediately. "Uh..." He wasn't sure if both of them not knowing how to react was better or worse. "... Uh..." Still speechless, he held up his guitar case, as if it held an explanation (it sort of did). "You know, uh-." His words were forced and aborted. "This doesn't have to happen, I can just..." He pointed a thumb over his shoulder, worrying at his bottom lip.

"Why're y-" Asher was frowning, eyes watering slightly from the smoke. And then Aiden lifted his guitar case, and while it took Asher a few seconds to piece it together, the moment it happened felt like a train immediately crashed into him. "Holy shit, are you m– no, there's no way my dad would hire you to– what the hell... Um. Okay." Asher pushed a hand through his hair, head canted up to the ceiling as he took a deep breath before looking at Aiden (who was still a few inches taller than Asher to the point that he had to look up at him). "Okay. So. It's been how many years since we've last spoken? Five? Six? Whatever. It's been a fuck long amount of time but we are, like, adults now. Mature adults who can handle this. There is no reason why we can't handle this." It'd be more convincing and maybe even inspiring if Asher's voice wasn't hesitant the entire time. This was his first relationship ever standing across from him. His first love, the second person to ever have sex with him and then the only person to do so for over a year; Aiden was a lot to Asher and always would be. So this was weird, okay? He's justified in rambling. "Come in, I guess." He held the door open, adding, "sorry for the smoke. I wanted to be a good student, or whatever, and make food, but I c– I don't know why I'm explaining myself, you know I can't cook. Point is, I tried." He shrugged, heading past the kitchen and living room and down a few hallways until he got to a spare room with nothing but a piano tucked into a corner and his trumpet case. "We can practice here."

Aiden's eyebrows went up as he listened to Asher, even though he seemed to be convincing himself more than Aiden at this point. There were a lot of residual feelings that Aiden didn't particularly want to deal with, but him and Asher had gotten along fine until Bryan had barged into the picture and Aiden didn't see a need to be mad at Asher. He'd made a choice, and it'd taken Aiden a while to accept that choice, but the point still remained. Still, he didn't want to be around Asher if it was going to make him uncomfortable. "Hmm, so does that mean you're a teacher's pet?" As he followed Asher inside, shaking his head as he went over to the windows to crack them open so that the smoke would disperse. He glanced around the room Asher led him into, humming as he set his guitar case down, shrugging his backpack off his shoulders. "So, good news is you already know how to read music. Bad news is, you already know how to read music, which means you'll probably be impatient with yourself."

Asher shrugged, leaving the room to grab two chairs for them. He answered from the other room, "I don't think baking cookies makes me a teacher's pet. Not now, at least. But if I was younger and you happened to be my teacher then, too, then yeah, I'd probably pull out all the stops to impress you." He reappeared with two chairs, both half his size, ungracefully setting them down onto the floor. Asher snorted at what Aiden said, waving him off with his hand. "C'mon, Crenshaw. It's not like playing the guitar is going to be hard or anything. You just hold the thingy and – pull the stringies. Or is it called plucking? Strumming? Whatever. You just touch the little string things and hold the other string things and it works and sounds pretty." Asher had mastered the piano when he was three and the trumpet when he was seven (both facts he had told Aiden before when they were dating – Asher had honestly told him everything about him, from his favorite color when he was eleven to the day's he visited his mom's grave) it was safe to say he was a bit cocky about his musical abilities.

Aiden hummed, but didn't say he disagreed. Asher would definitely be in more of a tizzy if he weren't talking to Aiden. "Plucking and strumming are different, but both of those, yeah." He smiled in spite of himself; leave it to Asher to overestimate himself. Then again, he wasn't tooting his own horn for nothing. "Alright." He took a seat, cracking open his guitar case and pulling it from the depths, setting it in his lap. "Basic guitar anatomy-" he jumped right in because he had nothing else he wanted to ask Asher about, "body, neck, head, frets, strings, base board." He tapped each part of his guitar as he spoke. "Mostly you work with the frets and strings, sometimes body comes into play. Really only mention the base board because when a string breaks you take the screws out of the base board to change them out. Doesn't happen often, unless you don't know how to tune it and pull the strings too tight." He shifted the guitar in his grip and held it out to Asher.

Asher was smart. He knew it, people who knew him knew it. He was a chemistry major who made all the big, fancy American universities think he was attending on their full ride international scholarships, only to end up attending Austen's because of Aiden and a baby mama. But now, sitting there, and listening to all this musical stuff had his brain drawing a blank. Music was not like quarks. He blinked, slowly accepting the guitar. And now he felt dumb in front of Aiden, which was embarrassing, and shit, now he was turning red. "Fuck my father, honestly," he muttered more to himself than anything. "Oh, um, by the way," he looked up from the guitar, "can these lessons, like... Stay between us? I know that sounds so sketchy and with that whole Bryan Brad thing I'm sure you've heard about, it doesn't do much to boost my character, but. Brad knows you're my ex and I didn't know my ex would be giving me guitar lessons – which, as stated before, doesn't make me, like, uncomfortable or anything – but you are and I know he's gonna' get, like, super insecure and pissy about the whole thing and I don't want him to have it out for you like he does for Bryan, so. Not that you can't defend yourself or anything. But, like. I mean, doesn't this whole thing remind you of, like, some soap opera type shit? Past lovers reconnect without the spouse knowing?" Asher sighed, tacking on a bit softer, "if this whole thing with me and the shit I always find myself into makes you uncomfortable, or you want out, don't feel bad in leaving. I'll be – it'll be fine." 'Cause truth is, Asher was happy to see Aiden. And yes, he's married, he knows, but Aiden was his first love, okay? And he hasn't seen him in years, even though they left off on an awful foot. Is it so bad that he's simply happy to see him?

Aiden blinked owlishly, raising an eyebrow as Asher began to ramble. He definitely had heard about the drama going on with Bryan - if Bryan was in the picture there usually was some drama to be had. Aiden didn't want to make things difficult in Asher's marriage. The only thing he'd ever wanted was for Asher to be happy, but hearing him ramble he wasn't sure if that was the case. He wasn't sure if he was mad or upset or what, but he was definitely feeling something. Not at Asher, but Asher's situation. "It doesn't make me uncomfortable. But I don't want to get between you and Brad's relationship, either." Considering the way things seemed to be going, he just might mess things up without even meaning to do so. "... I'll keep it between us if you want, but you really should talk to Brad about it. It'll probably make it worse if he finds out on his own." He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. "... It's up to you, Asher. I-..." His feelings weren't important here. Asher was married. He'd been married for a while. "What do you want? I'll pack up and leave right now if you want."

"No, don't go," Asher immediately objected, clearing his throat soon after and looking back down at the guitar. "It's, y'know," he shrugged, "nice to see you again, is all. This might give us a chance to, like, I don't know, bond? I know last time we talked was rough, so. Maybe we need this, y'know? I can try baking cookies for you again." He looked up at Aiden again, giving him a small smile. "Brad... He might have an issue but don't worry, I'll take care of it if there is. No one's getting punched on my watch, not this time." He was not having another one of his relationships get hit in the face. Asher cleared his throat once more. "What about you? Do you have a special someone who might get a little weird upon finding out you're here with me?" Because last time Asher checked, which was years ago, Aiden was with Evan, and this whole thing was kind of sketchy, after all.

Aiden chewed back a smile, looking away at the same time Asher did. "Yeah... I wasn't in a great place. I'm sorry about that." He was in a better place - or he tried to be. "Mm... maybe nix the cookies, unless you let me help you." He laughed, and then swallowed it. He wasn't sure how comfortable he was, if Brad was going to have a problem with him being here. It was Asher's and Brad's home. He scoffed a little, shaking his head and trying to find somewhere in the room to look. "No. Single as the day we met." Which was very. "Unless you count my dog, but you probably don't." He pulled out his phone to show Asher his screensaver of Lilo. "She just turned 6."

Asher waved his hand in dismissal. "No need to apologize. You had your reasons and I should've been more understanding." Where would they be if Asher hadn't been so bitter about Aiden leaving him for Australia? Would Asher have a different last name? For the first time in years, Asher laughed along with Aiden, saying between giggles, "you can help, yeah, that'd be great, but we, and this house, for that matter, would probably be better off with me just handing you the ingredients and whatnot." Asher's smile died as he heard Aiden's answer. Oh. "Oh. I thought you and E- never mind," he quickly scrapped his sentence, because it was none of his business as of now; if Aiden wanted to delve more into the topic, then Asher would gladly listen. The smile returned when he saw Aiden's dog. "Holy shit. What the fuck. She's so cute. Hang on," Asher gently laid the guitar down and hopped off the chair, leaving for a few minutes and then returning with his (technically Brad's) small dog, Charlie, in one arm and his cat, Fuzz Lightyear. "These are my non-human babies. Say hi to Aiden," he cooed, letting them down and watching Charlie immediately scamper to Aiden. "I love how productive this guitar lesson is going," Asher chuckled, sitting back in his chair. But maybe that was a good thing, that they're enjoying each other's company so much that the original purpose for being together has been pushed aside. It's leaps and bounds from where they left off.

Aiden shook his head. "No. I still need to apologize, trust me." He waved his hand back, huffing out a sigh. "Yeah, that might be best. Don't want to burn the house down or something." With how strong the smell of smoke was in the house Brad would probably thank Aiden later - maybe. It wasn't surprising to him that Asher immediately steered the topic away from Evan, but he shook his head hastily. "No, it's okay. It wasn't dramatic or anything. We just worked better as friends." Himself and Evan had stilled talked for a while, but just didn't have much in common and Aiden did almost nothing so it was hard to talk. And once Evan had moved they couldn't even just sit in companionable silence together. "He's married now! To Andrea, which-..." He shut his eyes, shook his head, then moved on himself. He shoved his phone back in his pocket, jaw dropping open as Asher brought the animals into the room, scooting off the chair to the floor as the dog wiggled over to him. Why he'd initially come was completely forgotten. "Oh, hello! Hi there, buddy!" He let the dog sniff at him and then continued to pet it, minding the cat as it approached him more hesitantly. Then he began to pet the cat too, baby-talking each of them and eventually just lying on the floor as he doted over them. "Oh, shit. Yeah." He cleared his throat, but didn't get up from the floor.

Asher smiled softly at Aiden's apparent rage at whoever Andrea was, commenting, "I take it that she's not your favorite person." He sat next to Aiden on the floor, not knowing whether to pat his legs like ol' pals might do as he said, "it's okay. You're an amazing, talented, incredible person, one of my favorite people ever despite everything, and it's his loss if he doesn't get to have you." Asher watched, a mix of fond and proud-parent like, as his pets lost their shit over Aiden. He'd take a picture if he didn't think Aiden probably wouldn't like that. "Are you free next week? We can probably do an actual lesson then. And maybe, in the mean time, your dog and my dog can meet and be best pet pals? I dunno', seems like a cute idea to me, at least, and it means we get to spend some more time with each other, too."

Aiden shook his head. "No. She's just-..." Dumb? Annoying? Anything Aiden had to say wasn't nice, so he didn't really want to say it, especially since he was still cool with Evan. "I think he deserves better, that's all." It was easy to think but hard to explain. He blushed, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. "It's fine, peach. Really," he insisted, and then seemed to realize what he said and blushed harder, backtracking; "Ash. Asher. Uh-." Fuck. There went that, he guessed. "Yeah, I'm free. Well... Technically not, since this is supposed to be lesson time, but you know. Yeah." He glanced up at the forgotten guitar, but not for long because the ones were begging for his attention the moment he took his eyes off of them. "I think Lilo would like some friends. I haven't been to the dog park in a while." He felt kind of guilty about it, but he'd been locked up in his flat writing music and aside from just going on simple walks with Lilo and teaching he didn't get out much.

Asher could only nod to show his support. And then peach came up and, well. It certainly was a surprise, hearing that nickname, and for most people it'd make them feel awkward, but no, Asher started laughing because, "holy shit, I can't believe you called me peach back then 'cause of my ass. That's amazing, Aidennn." Peach was what Aiden called him, and Asher used to always call him by his first name, but would drag out the 'den' and use a sing-song voice. It was effective for when he wanted affection. He scrunched his nose up gleefully at seeing Aiden red, glad he officially now wasn't the only one who blushed horribly in the half hour they were together. "Sounds good. Should we meet here again? Or, y'know, someplace else?" Asher was kind of hoping they'd pick a different location; Brad's work schedule shifted constantly, and Asher never wanted to reach the day where his husband came home to Asher with yet another ex. "They'll have a little doggy date," Asher smiled, reaching over to scratch behind Charlie's ear. "We'll be like proud parents, watching our children and making sure they don't get too touchy. That's what my dad would always do when you came over to ours."

Aiden hardly resisted the urge to reach over and nudge Asher in retaliation. He shrugged his shoulders up, puffing his cheeks out. "I put you in as the peach emoji in my phone and it just stuck," he explained. It was true enough; the first time he'd actually met Asher and had started dealing to him he hadn't remembered his name, so he'd put him as the peach emoji so he'd remember Asher was the cute guy with the nice butt. He wasn't sure what it was in Asher's voice that made it sound like he was hopeful they'd meet somewhere else. He decided to oblige. "We can do it at my place if you want." He'd have to clean, and organize his stuff so that Asher wouldn't know that he lived like the human embodiment of a trash can - Chinese take out and sheet music and all. "Your dad used to watch me like a hawk. As if I were going to snatch you up and get you into drugs." He winked.

"Cute," Asher hummed. "You were always 'boyfriend', but in all caps and, like, five hearts. It's embarrassing, thinking back at it now." Aiden was his first, though, so. Asher didn't really know, back then, all the dating ethics and what was cringe-worthy. But he was seventeen, he's practically expected to be weird at that age. "Can you believe that if Daniel had never sent me to get weed from you, we'd probably never have met? Crazy shit, innit?" They would've never met, because Asher and Aiden come from wildly different backgrounds, and Asher would probably have just gone to a different school. It was mind boggling to think about. "Do you still live in your apartment?" While Aiden's apartment was a bit old and in a sketchy neighborhood, it was home to Asher. He spent so many nights there with Aiden, finishing homework together and talking about the future and watching TV and baking food together and then getting baked and having sex. If Aiden still lived in the apartment, it'd be a huge throwback for Asher, walking through the front door again. He'd feel seventeen all over again. "He really did," Asher smiled, lying on his back as he reminisced, "remember when he gave you, like, a two hour speech just on how he expected you to treat me?" Jeez, Roger Kipton was so overbearing on the both of them. He required Aiden's number and texted the both of them constantly whenever they were out with each other, and kept an eye on them in the nearby room whenever they'd chill in Asher's living room or bedroom. Imagine his shock when he found out they weren't using protection. "But he really did love you, y'know. Once we hit one year he honestly considered you part of the family." That is, until they broke up in a heart shattering way. But no need to bring that up. "Loved you enough to probably not kill you as fast if he were to find out you were a dealer."

Aiden grinned, shaking his head. "No, it's not embarrassing. I think it's cute." He'd been colossally lucky to be with Asher; he doesn't think anyone he's ever met has loved him that much - not in the way Asher loved him, at least. And he'd gone and fucked it all up. He think he'll always be mad at himself about it, but you couldn't cry over spilled milk. He had to live with even the bad choices he made. "Yeah. You came strolling into my shit neighborhood with your expensive shoes. I thought you were going to get your ass kicked for sure." Not that anyone would ever mess with Asher if he was talking to Aiden - he'd lived in that neighborhood for a while and people had learned not to mess with him very quickly. It mostly had to do with his other ex but... he wasn't eager to think about it. "No, I've moved since then. Cleaned up my act, got a real job and a nice place. It has a balcony and everything. And a tub." Those were things Aiden hadn't been afforded growing up, and things he couldn't afford when he'd first gotten his own place with said other ex. "I can send you my new address, though," he nodded. "Mm, I like your dad, though. He really cares about you." It had come out of left-field for Aiden, who grew up pretty invisible except to run to the corner store to get booze. Hearing that Mr. Kipton had thought of him as family tore at Aiden's heartstrings in a way he wasn't prepared for. "Y-yeah..." His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat as he laid down too, curling up and feeling his heavy heart lighten a little as the cat immediately sat on his face. "God... like, I know I fucked up. But sometimes the weight just resettles on me." He took a deep breath. "You guys were my family, too. I'm so dumb..." He hugged the cat to his chest, burying his face in his fur as he tried to recover.

"You think everything is cute," Asher countered with a smile, watching as Charlie sniffed at Aiden's feet. He closed his eyes as Aiden talked about their first encounter, remember the whole situation perfectly. He'd been scared shitless, being in a sketchy neighborhood like Aiden's, about to ask some guy he didn't know for substance he had never been exposed to before, only to meet one of the most handsome men he'd ever come across. "We were such opposites yet worked so well," Asher mused, feeling warm and golden and soft inside. It was nice, being away from all the Austen's drama to be right here, talking about the times where he was indescribably happy. Asher's eyes snapped open, though, when he heard that Aiden moved, and he sat up, looking down at him. "You have a tub now?" He gasped, eyes bright because "holy shit, look at you, living all luxuriously! A tub, wow. I'm so proud of you." And it was all genuine; countless times he had offered to buy Aiden a three-story house, anything to get him out of the apartment, so hearing now that he's in a better place honestly made Asher's day. The happiness died down as the mood was brought to a somber, tense tone. Asher frowned, reaching over to squeeze Aiden's hand softly in reassurance. "You're still family," he told him softly, earnestly. "Anytime you need anything, you can come to me or my dad and we'll take care of you, honest. You were my first, Aiden. My first relationship and my first love. Those never leave a person. You'll always have a special place in my heart 'cause of that. My dad will always view you differently than he will Brad because of that. You're always welcome to come home to the Kiptons."

Aiden pouted, but Asher was probably right. At least a little bit. Asher had always read him really easily, even when Aiden thought he had his walls up. Maybe that's just because Aiden had a bad poker face or something. "Yeah, I remember when you texted me. I was so confused I thought you were high already." He snorted, propped his head up on his hand. Everything with Asher had always been easy - being with him, loving him.. Aiden had to swallow his thoughts real quick. A feeling he didn't particularly want to feel started to bubble in his chest as Asher took his hand, but he squeezed it back anyways, even though he was sure that he'd probably smack himself for it later. "Yeah, a tub," is all he managed, voice still kind of wobbly and quiet. Listening to Asher talk wasn't really helping, but maybe he needed to hear it. With Jaxson always moving around because of her job Aiden had almost no constant in his life but his dog. And he liked it that way sometimes, but he really did need someone else in the picture. "Oh? How does your dad view Brad then?" He snickered slightly, peeking up from his where his face was still buried in cat fur. "Sorry, I'm grateful, really. I just don't feel like crying right now," he laughed weakly.

"Holy shit, remember the first time I got high?" What a mess. Asher had been fumbling, trying to copy every move Aiden made and not burn himself or drop anything, and within moments, he was high and red-eyed and giggling to Aiden's neck about nothing. Needless to say, Asher loved bragging to his friends about his college boyfriend who was a drug dealer. Asher shrugged, leaning back down on his back. "He views him as a dad would view his son-in-law but, I meant, like– he's not my first, y'know? You are. It goes back to what I was saying, about that whole you never forget your first thing. So if you two were in a room he'd see Brad and view him as my husband, but see you and view you as my first everything, as the standard he set for Bryan and Brad. If that makes sense? I dunno', the smoke from the cookies did something to my brain, I'm sure." Asher smiled softly at Aiden's apology, saying, "it's fine, cry in Fuzz Lightyear's fur if you need to. He's here for you too, y'know." And then, "do you want to bake the cookies now? Cookies make everyone feel better, and I don't like seeing you sad."

Aiden snickered. "Yeah. You were a mess. I would've helped you if you'd said something." He shook his head, smiling fondly. He also wouldn't have let Asher smoke so much, but it had been too late when he realized all of that. "I'd just assumed you'd smoked before since you knew Daniel." It wasn't an off-base assumption, really. He also remembered one time coming to get Asher from school so they could get pizza and remembered feeling like a huge creep around a bunch of secondary school kids, nineteen going on twenty years old and towering over almost everyone in all his six foot one inch glory. He'd been questioning his choices as a person, really, until Asher came out to meet him. "Mmhmm..." It was weird to hear that term attached to someone concerning Asher - son-in-law - and it felt heavy. So was the fact that Brad was Asher's husband. That was weird, too. He'd dated Asher for a whole year before he'd left, and hadn't thought twice about marrying him. He was too engrossed in other things - too used to people leaving, and too used to leaving himself. They were young, too. Marriage had always felt like something for future him to deal with. But he'd loved Asher. He still did, but it was inappropriate to say it. And unfair. So he said nothing. "Must've set the bar pretty low." He wasn't sure if he was being down on himself or down on Bryan and Brad. Well, maybe not Brad. Aside from being kind of jealous Aiden had nothing against him, even if Brad did have an attitude towards him when they'd first met. "Yeah. Maybe we should just make cookies," he agreed.

Asher knocked the side of his foot against Aiden's. "Nah. I wanted to impress you." Asher always felt like he had to, because after all, he was a last year who somehow managed to get into a relationship with a college boy; he had nightmares about the day Aiden might realize Asher was just a nerd. Asher scoffed, shaking his head. "Set the bar low?" He repeated, amused. "Aiden, love, I came home after every date and talked to my dad for hours about how much fun I had and about how in love with you I was and how I'd been practicing writing 'Asher Crenshaw'. You gave Bryan and Brad a pretty high standard to match. Don't underestimate yourself, yeah? You're incredible." Sure, Aiden's leaving to Australia was the main cause for their split, but still, he had been a fantastic boyfriend. Asher stood up, brushed off animal fur from the back of his jeans and held his hand out for Aiden to take. "C'mon," he grinned, "let's bake cookies and enjoy each other's company."

Aiden hummed, smiling slightly and bumping Asher's foot back. "Well, you just seemed silly, instead." It was true. Asher never had to impress Aiden, but it was kind of nice that he'd wanted to. No one had ever gone out of their way for him before at that point. He flushed, burying his face into his arm in embarrassment. "Well, I appreciate you not telling your dad how baked I got you during some of those dates, peach. He would've murdered me for sure." Aiden did really try with Asher; he wanted to do things right that time. Granted, he'd still messed up. But while it had lasted... god. He sighed, detaching himself from the cat and reaching for Asher's hands, pulling himself to his feet. "Okay. Sounds good."

#p #p:aiden #it gets sad but it also gets nice

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gay-salt-amber · 3 years

Text

How Fallen Leaves, Breeze Pelt and Jay Feather got together (Human AU)

Some of these may seem like little snippets from their lives but I hope that's alight -w-’

Warning: Incest *kind of since in this au Breeze is adopted* Boy x Boy, my AU, Jay Feather likes wearing dresses cause they’re non binary and they don't give a fuck, Swearing, make-out sessions and hickeys

Also the pov’s will change from time to time!

Jay Feather pov-

Ever since a few moons ago, me and Breezepelt have been talking more and getting along a lot better. Sure its taken a while to get here but, we’re comfortable around one another now and now he doesn't hiss every time he sees me. Right now, I am heading to the Wind clan border to chat with him for a little while, now why am I doing that? Well, he’s a nice relief to see whenever I’m on break and since him and I have similar personalities, he’s a good person to talk to when I need to vent.

Once I reached the border I scented him near, I walked closer to the scent and waited, then I scented him near by, “Hey Jay!” He greeted, using my nickname to address me.

“Hey Breeze.” I greeted back, making a waving motion with my hand.

“Wanna go on a walk for a while?” He asked as he stepped over the border, ‘The questions for that are gonna be fun..’ I thought as I scented him over the border.

“Sure as long as you doing do anything stupid.” As I spoke I heard him chuckle,

“You know me, of course I wont.” I smirked as we started walking,

“Sure you wont.”

As we kept walking we just chatted for a while I scented a patrol coming near us, It was a Thunder clan patrol but I could tell who was on it right away. I could tell Breezepelt scented them too.

“Are we gonna hide or are with gonna be dumbasses and stay out in the open?!” I snapped, after I spoke I could tell Breezepelt was likely looking around for somewhere to hide before the patrol got closer,

“There's some tunnels over there, lets hide in there till the patrol leaves.”

“Fine.”

But I know one cat would catch us, just not the same type..

When we entered the tunnels, I felt at ease again and not worried about the patrol. It was nice being back here, in a way. I then tried to scent out Fallen Leaves but he wasn’t around this part of the tunnels, ‘Maybe he’s near one of the holes and looking out?’ I thought. While I was discussing with Breezepelt if the patrol was gone, I heard my name being called,

“Jay Feather?” It took me a moment but I soon recognized the voice of Fallen Leaves and stood to walk over to him.

“Its been a while hasn't it?” I greeted as I walked closer to him.

He let out a chuckle, “I suppose so.”

While we were talking I completely forgot about Breeze Pelt who was sitting just a few inches away, I didn’t mean to, shit just happens.

“Uh, Jay who is he?” Breeze Pelt asked from behind me,

I turned around, “This is Fallen Leaves, he’s a good friend of mine.” But I could tell that answer only left him more confused,

“How do you two know each other?” I could tell Fallen Leaves would be ok with me explaining it, and I don’t think Breeze Pelt would fail to keep a secret.

Fallen Leaves chuckled, “Do you want me to explain or do I have to?”

“I can, thanks for the offer though, I guess.”

I then started my explanation in the most dumbed down way I could think of, “I am reincarnated from a cat named Jays Wing, back when this dipshit was alive,” I motioned to Fallen Leaves before continuing, “We knew each other, now that I am reincarnated and he’s stuck down here, we got close.”

“Honestly not the most bad-shit-crazy thing that you have going on.” Breezepelt said,

“I mean you’re not wrong.”

Once I sat down with Fallen Leaves next to me, Fallen Leaves spoke, “Oh, I never got your name.”

“My name is Breezepelt.”

“Oh! Now I know who you are, great to meet you.” Fallen Leaves then scooted over and shook Breeze Pelts hand,

“Also Breezy, don’t tell anyone about the reincarnation thing, and or about Fallen Leaves cause I don't wanna have that talk today.”

I could sense Breeze Pelts smile, “I wouldn’t tell anyone, don’t worry about it!”

We started talking more, Breezepelt talking about Wind Clan, me bitching about the dumbasses in my clan and Fallen Leaves trying to keep me sane. It was nice with the both of them here, they were the only two cats that I felt comfortable around. Then the conversation transitioned to me,

“Hey Jay, what kind of clothes do you like?” Breezepelt asked,

“Uh, anything I guess..”

“Don't you like dresses a lot? I’ve seen you down here when you come to visit me, and you wore a dress a few times.” Fallen leaves point made me embarrassed,

I felt the blush growing on my cheeks, “Yeah, I guess. What of it?!”

“We ain’t gonna judge you on what you like to wear, don’t worry about it.”

After that we went back to normal conversation, such as how much Millie annoyed me and Breeze Pelt even talked a bit about his Dark Forest training and how oblivious Tiger Star was to Dark Stripes crush on him. And we just had a good time.

Breeze Pelt then stopped talking, “It seems to be night time already.”

When he mentioned that I finally noticed the cold night air biting at my skin, “I guess it is.”

Me and Breeze Pelt both stood, “It was nice meeting you, Fallen Leaves.”

We started walking out of the tunnels when I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, “Can you guys come and visit more often? It just gets lonely down here..” Fallen Leaves murmured the last part,

“Sure we can. I normally don’t have much work on Fridays so I can drop by then.”

“Same here, we’ll visit you every Friday if that's ok with you.”

“That is perfectly fine!”

After saying our goodbyes, me and Breeze Pelt walked back to the Wind Clan border,

I let out a rare chuckle, “That was probably one of the best nights I’ve had in a while.”

“I can tell, and hopefully you’ll have nights like it soon enough.”

When I thought he left, I started to walk back, I heard him speak again, “Wait..” I spun around and he planted a quick kiss on my cheek.

“You can go now.” He then walked away leaving me a blushing mess.

“See you later, I guess..” I muttered under my breath. I then started to walk back home. When I reached the door, I opened it and walked into the kitchen for some dinner that Leaf Pool seemed to have made.

“Oh Jay Feather you’re back late. Did something happen?” Bright Hearts voice rang out after I sat at the table to eat,

“Not really, I just didn't know how late it was.”

“Oh alright, good to see you’re back in on piece!’ Then the scent of my former mentor drifted as she left go to her room.

I let out a sigh and continued to quickly eat the food that sat infront of me. It was only then that I really noticed how tired I had become. Once I finished my food I went to my room and screamed into my pillow, my cheeks burning. ‘Why did he kiss me?! What was that dumbass thinking?!’

“Why did I like it..” I whispered

Fallen Leaves pov-

It has been a few weeks since Jay Feather and Breeze Pelt came to visit me the first time. I do enjoy our visits and their stories are funny and I enjoy hearing them. But something seems off with Jay Feather.. He blushes a lot more often, he stammers a little bit too. I shrugged it off since I may just be over reacting, but I cant help but let that question run around in my mind.

I sat at the cave entrance, watching the sun rise while I stretched and tried to wake up a little bit. Jay and Breeze Pelt don’t normally visit on days like this so, I just sat and daydreamed, like I did often. Before I knew it, I was asleep.

Jay Feather pov-

When I awoke I just sat, thinking about that kiss again. I have been thinking about it for WEEKS! ‘Do I love him..?’ I asked myself, ‘But I love Fallen Leaves too! What the hell..’ I'm surprised they haven't caught on, I have been blushing like crazy around them.

I a bag and headed out of my room, down the stairs and to the kitchen to make breakfast. Despite the fact that I am blind, I can cook pretty well.

“Morning Jay Feather.” Leaf Pool greeted

“Morin’.” I greeted back and went silent as I continued to make some waffles.

Once I was done, I ate quickly and walked out the door. I had to talk with Fallen Leaves. When I got to the tunnels, I took a breath before I stepped in. When I got inside I could hear Fallen Leaves’ soft snoring, ‘He must be asleep.’ I smiled with love and walked closer to him.

When I touched his skin it was pretty cold. Due to how cold the tunnels get, its to be expected. My bag was big so I had a blanket in it for emergencies or if I just needed it. So I pulled it out and put it around Fallen Leaves’ sleeping body. I didn't want to disturb him so I got out my phone, put in my earbuds and listened to a audiobook while I waited for the ghost tom to awake.

Fallen Leaves pov-

When I awoke I felt warm. Which I knew didn’t come from me since I’m dead and don't have body heat. I looked down and saw a blanket wrapped around me. ‘I don’t own a blanket..’ While I was trying to figure out where it came from I looked to my left and Jay Feather was sitting there peacefully, with earbuds in and relaxed.

“Jay? What are you doing here?” He didn't here me at first then they must have noticed I was awake and spoke,

“Oh, what were you saying?”

“I wanted to know what you were doing here.”

“Oh right...” He paused, moving his hear infront of his face, but the color of his ears could show that he was blushing.

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” Their voice was quiet and nervous which concerned me.

“Ask away, I’m all ears.”

“Uh well... I'm kind of conflicted..

“About..?”

“I love you and Breezepelt!” They blurted out, their words shocked me, but at the same time, I felt relief.

“Call Breeze Pelt so we can talk about this together, okay?” I said softly.

“Alright.” Jay Feather then got his phone out and called Breezepelt and told him to come down to the tunnels.

Breezepelt pov-

After the call ended I walked down into the tunnels and saw Jay Feather and Fallen Leaves quietly talking, quiet enough to the point where I couldn't hear it.

“What's going on here?” I asked as I started to walk closer to them

“Oh! Come sit, please.”

“Alright?” I was confused since this was quite unusual.

“What did you wanna talk about?”

Jay feather then started to speak, “I uh..”

‘I love both of you..” Those words made me blush furiously, Jay Feather their head in their hair which led to Fallen Leaves letting out one of his adorable laughs,

“I love you both too.” He said looking at both of us,

“Yeah, I love you both too.”

Jay Feather lifted their head and the blue, blind pools they called eyes were bright, “Really..?”

“Mhm.” Me and Fallen Leaves both hummed out in unison.

Fallen Leaves then jumped off from the little ledge that he was relaxing on and walked over to Jay Feather, with me scooting over to be by the both of them.

“Thank you, I love you.” They said to the both of us.

“We love you too.” We both said.

While we were flirting talking to each other, Jay Feathers phone buzzed, “Fuck my life..”

“What's up? Did that Fern Cloud have more kits or something?” Fallen Leaves joked,

“Surprisingly not. I Just have an all night shift. So, I should get going, sorry I couldn’t stay longer.” Jay Feather then stood up, I turned to Fallen Leaves, we must have been thinking the same thing, he nodded and we stood up with our new mate.

“I’ll see you later then.” Fallen Leaves said giving them a kiss on the lips, with me next to the ghost tom kissing Jay Feather’s cheek. We stepped back and Jay Feather’s face was as red as a Death berry.

“Y-yeah..” They then gave both of us a kiss on the lips and walked away.

Jay Feather pov-

When I walked into the Medicine cat room, Leaf Pool instantly noticed me,

“What happened to you? You’re as red as a Death berry.”

“Nothing, nothing at all..”

“Alright if you say so.”

-About half an hour later-

Work was going at a decent pace so Lion Blaze and Briar Light popped in with coffee to keep me awake. Then Briar Light whispered in my ear, so nobody else could hear, “Me and Lion Blaze know about your relationship and we fully support you.” I was about to respond but she wheeled away in her wheelchair. I blushed from embarrassment and took a sip out of the coffee... It was burned.

“LIONBLAZE WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL?!”

I calmed down and went back to work sorting herbs and just keeping Leaf Pool company, then I got a call, “I need to take this I’ll be back.”

I answered and heard Breeze Pelt’s voice on the other line.

“My mom knows.”

“Knows what?” “About the relationship.”

“I mean, is she supportive?” I asked

“Yeah, does anyone know in Thunder Clan?”

“Just Briar Light and Lion Blaze, they’re supportive though so I don't mind.”

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow, yes?”

“Sure, I’m free tomorrow.”

“Alright I love you.”

“I love you too, see you soon.” I then blew a kiss and ended the call.

I then turned around to scent Briar Light near by, “Damn~”

I hissed “Shut the fuck up.”

“You really are whipped for him and you’ve only been together a few hours.” She teased

“Not like you and Dove Wing are any better.”

“That's a low blow.” she murmured.

I smirked, pulled my long hair back into a ponytail and walked back into the medicine cat den.

-A few hours later/the next day-

It was finally the end of my shift and all I wanted to do was go into the tunnels and collapse onto Fallen Leaves and Breeze Pelt.

“Oh Jay Feather are you going out? I thought you would want to go to your room immediately?” Leaf Pools question sent a shiver of anxiety up my spine,

“I'm just going out on a walk to relax, I’ll be fine.”

I grabbed my bag and walked out the door and carried my tired body to the tunnels and when I scented Fallen Leaves it was like a weight off my chest.

“You look tired, did work wear you out?”

“Mhm..” I murmured as I sat down next to him,

I could feel him smiling as he wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer.

“Here, get some sleep you need it.”

“Thanks.” I said before I drifted into sleep on Fallen Leaves’ shoulder

Fallen Leaves pov-

When they was asleep I moved them to lay on my chest so that they were more comfortable while we waited for Breeze Pelt. They started to shiver a bit so I grabbed the blanket that they left here and wrapped it around both of us.

I sat there with a smile gleaming ear from ear as I ran my hand through the sleeping cats long blue hair, they were beautiful.

“Hey.” I heard a soft voice greet, I turned to see Breeze Pelt. His black hair was dirty, more then likely from a patrol. I smiled and called him over.

Breeze Pelt quietly sat down next to me, "They asleep?”

I nodded, “Yeah, out like a light.”

Breeze Pelt gave a loving smile and gave me a kiss on the cheek, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I let out a quiet purr as I held his hand and laid my head on his shoulder.

Breeze Pelt then reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a book and started to read. I read bits and pieces, but I generally wasn’t not interested. I just kept my eyes on the sleeping medicine cat in my lap.

-About 2 weeks later Jay Feather pov-

I was sitting in the kitchen when I saw Dust Pelt walk in, then I had an idea. You see, Fallen Leaves always talked about how he wished he had a home of his own and I know Dust Pelt can build anything, so I wanted to know if Dust Pelt could build him a house but in the tunnels. Obviously it would need to be VERY flood proof but I know Dust Pelt could pull it off.

“Dust Pelt! Get over here, I need to talk about something!”

He walked over, pulled out a chair and sat down,

“Yeah? What's up?”

“So you know where the tunnels are, correct?”

“Yes, I believe so, what of them?”

“I have a friend who lives down there, and they we’re talking about wanting a house.”

‘“And you want me to build them a house in the tunnels, correct?”

“Yeah, how much do you wanna get paid?”

“I’ll do it for free, all you got to do is get all the furniture and all that and then we got ourselves a house.”

“Alright, thank you, also don’t tell anyone about this, I don’t wanna have that talk with anyone.”

“You’re secret is safe with me, Jay Feather.”

“You may wanna distract your friend for a while if this is going to be a surprise.”

“Yeah, I was planning on it.”

“How many days do you think it’ll take?”

“About four weeks, maybe.” I nodded at that answer,

“Alright, thank you.”

When I was done talking and discussing the tunnels with Dust Pelt I walked up to my room and called Fallen Leaves, “Hey Jay, what do you need?”

“Well, I was curious, you know how you talk about wanting a house?”

“Yeah, I do, what of it?”

“What would you want in a house?”

“Well uh.. Just basic stuff, a nice kitchen, a decently sized living room and just a bedroom that can hold all three of us, I guess.”

“Alright thanks, love you.” I said then I ended the call.

4 weeks later, Breeze Pelt pov-

When I woke up I saw a text from Jay Feather from about 2 minutes ago saying, ‘Get down to the border, bring your car with you too.’ I found the text kind of weird but, I did as they asked. I got dressed, grabbed a piece of toast for breakfast and drove to the border where I saw Jay Feather.

I rolled down the window, “Hey get on in.”

Jay Feather nodded and hopped into the passenger seat, “So where are we going this early in the morning, babe?”

“So you know how I told you once that I had Dust Pelt work on a house for Fallen Leaves?” I nodded,

“Well I wanted to go get furniture for it, since it is fully built.”

I smiled, “Sure, we can do that, bu-” Before I could say anything I saw Jay Feather whip out a cup,

“Here's your Dirty Chi coffee.”

“You know me too well, Jay.”

A few minutes later a timer went off, I read the name of it before Jay Feather turned it off it said, ‘Moon Pool meeting.’

“Why’d you wanna get furniture on a day you medicine cats had to go to the moon pool?”

“Because missing one isn't the end of the fucking world, also Yellow Fang would just yell at me anyway,” They paused before adding on, “And we also skip gatherings all the time to hang out together so, its not much different.”

“If you say so.” I chuckled before going back to singing along with the radio, which made Jay Feather smile.

Jay Feather let out a chuckle and started singing along with me, I thought I was going to die at that wheel honestly, their voice was so sweet when it came to singing. “You’re voice is beautiful.”

Jay Feathers face lit up like a cherry blossom, “N-no its not, you dumbass.”

I smiled and quickly planted a kiss on his lips before turning back and focusing on the road.

-When they got there-

“Time to figure out what Fallen Leaves likes.” I sigh

“Well, here I have a list of stuff he likes when it comes to furniture.” Jay Feather then whipped out his phone and opened the list

Jay Feather showed me the list it went as follows:

Darkish colored things are ok, but preferred pastel, light colored stuff

Anything soft he will love

He wants a good size kitchen for the pure reason of me having a good place for cooking whenever I visit

Wants a good size couch for cuddling and a fuzzy carpet

A shower/tub hybrid

A comfy bed, a king or queen because he wants cuddles

A few bookshelves for Breeze Pelt

A desk so that Breeze Pelt + me and get work done if we want to go there and do our work there

Get some stuff that me and Breeze Pelt like so it feels even more homey

“Now we know what we need, that's good.”

Jay Feather nodded in agreement “Yeah.”

It didn’t take long to get much of the stuff he wanted, it actually took a shorter amount of time then I thought. Once we got the last thing we needed (A TV) We paid we used my dads credit card, because fuck him. We got the stuff into the car and headed to the tunnels asap.

-When they got to the tunnels-

We got there when Fallen Leave’s was still asleep so we started moving stuff into the house as silently as possible. It took a minute but, we still got everything inside and hooked up and ready for him to see. When we went into the bedroom, I spotted a box near the door,

“Hey did Dust Pelt tell you he was leaving something here?”

“Nope, why?”

“His name is on this box.” I pointed out and opened it, it was full of little nick knacks, like photo frames, salt and pepper shakers, movies that Fallen Leaves said he liked, and more importantly, there was a a few more boxes next it, I opened them and they were 3 laptops, one for each of us I guess and a printer in the other one. On top of the one with the printer was a note that said, ‘Don't try and pay me back I wanted to do something nice for you guys- Dust Pelt’

We set them up in each one of our rooms and set the printer on a table out in the hall that connected our rooms (with a walk in closet too but that doesn't matter.)

Jay Feather was on the other side of the room, putting flowers in vases and doing smaller stuff like that. “Didn't you say you had a plushie ordered for Fallen Leaves?”

“Yeah its on the bed.” I looked over and it was a cute little bear holding a heart with a feather and wind symbols on it.

“You made a good choice.” I said.

Fallen Leaves pov-

When I awoke from my nap I was being shaken awake, “Wha? Is something going on? Why are you shaking me?” I rubbed my eyes and saw Breeze Pelt and Jay Feather infront of me,

“Its nothing bad, just take my hand and close your eyes.”

I do admit I was curious what these two had to show me, I grabbed Breeze Pelts hand and closed my eyes, Jay Feathers fingers interlocking his hand with mine with my eyes closed which I thought was kind of cute.

After walking for a few moments, I was tapped on the shoulder, “Open your eyes, Fallen Leaves.” I did what Jay Feather said and opened my eyes to see.. A HOUSE?! Was that a house?!

“Oh my gosh.. How did you manage this?”

“Jay Feather set it all up, I just helped with the inside.” Breeze Pelt chuckled.

“Come on, lets go inside.” When we went inside I noticed that there were stairs, so I went down them, which led into the main house, I looked around, at the kitchen, at the living room, at everything. On the next floor was the bedrooms, which looked absolutely amazing! Every part of this place was incredible. From the beds to the photos of us on the wall, everything was just how I would want it.

I felt tears well up in my eyes, “Hey Fallen Leaves, you ok?” Jay Feather asked before I hugged them and Breeze Pelt.

“Thank you! Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome.” They said in unison as they both kissed me.

-A day later, Jay Feather pov-

After the house was built we agreed to stay the night. Breeze Pelt had to leave earlier then I did because of warrior duties and all that shit. So I stayed and me and Fallen Leaves at breakfast together. Once we were done I took our plates out to the kitchen and started washing them. I thought I heard Fallen Leaves enter but his scent was nowhere to be found so I let it go.

I then felt some ones hands around my waist and lips on my neck, I was about ready to say something then Fallen Leaves started to bite and suck on my neck, which made the words I wanted to say before come out as a gasp. I quickly whipped around and kissed the ghost tom, quickly kissing him roughly and basically had my legs wrapped around his waist. Neither of us wanted to let go for air, “Wanna continue this in the living room?” I panted, all I needed was a ‘mm’ and off to the living room we were.

We didn't waste any time getting onto that couch and full on making out instantly, neither of us seemed to stop our tongues from exploring each others mouths'. We were desperate to touch each other, even when our claws found themselves sinking into the others backs, the pain of the claws only turned me on even more and we kept going,

“Aw, started without me I see?” It was Breeze Pelts voice, deep and rough as usual.

Fallen Leaves broke the kiss and motioned him over to the couch,

He sat behind me and left even more hickeys and bite marks all over my neck and claw marks all over my back. And I was making out with Fallen Leaves in the process. I don't mind being in the middle, even though they know I can top the both of them, I like being in the middle too though.

After about 15 minutes of the same thing Breeze Pelt muttered, “Wanna switch with me?” I nodded and switched with him quickly. I grinned as I left hickeys and bite marks all over his neck and a bit on his shoulders. I started to claw under his shirt causing him to moan and his breathing to hitch. Then Fallen Leaves crawled to move onto Breeze Pelt’s lap he broke the kiss between him and Breeze Pelt, ‘Seems me and him have the same idea..’

I started kissing Fallen Leaves like before, but to add onto the fun Breeze Pelt started running his hands down Fallen Leaves’ chest, starting to leave claw marks which caused Fallen Leaves to moan and gasp which just gave me more room in his mouth to explore. Once Breeze Pelt started leaving hickeys and biting on Fallen Leaves’ stomach, oh did he moan loud and it was like music to our ears.

--Not writing a smut cause I cant write 3 ways just yet, but just imagine they fucked :>---

a week later-

Thunder Clan has come quite close to finding out, I’ve been coming back with hickeys a few times and a limp once or twice. But I didn’t really care. I even started sneaking out every night, sleeping at Fallen Leaves’ house and coming back to perform my medicine cat duties. The only times my room was used is if I really couldn’t make it and just needed to crash, which wasn’t often. I was about ready to do the same thing tonight when,

“Jay Feather? What are you doing up so late?” Leaf Pools voice rang out from the kitchen door

“Going out.”

“You go out every night, just tell me why. I wont tell a soul.”

“So you know how you asked where I got all those fucking hickeys and shit?”

“Yeah I do. that was a funny chat.” Leaf Pool laughed

“Those were from Fallen Leaves and Breeze Pelt.”

I hear Leaf Pool spit out something, more then likely water. Good thing it didn’t get on me. “I didn’t know you were in a relationship!”

“Say it so the whole clan can hear you, why don't ya?!” I hissed,

“Sorry, sorry! You’ve just never struck me as the romance type!”

“The fuck does that mean?!”

The older medicine cat skipped over my question and sighed, “You’re secret is safe with me, just, be careful ok? Don’t do something you’ll regret.”

“I’m not you mom, I wont run away and get pregnant.”

I could tell she was hurt by my comment but did I care? No.

On a patrol, Lion Blaze pov-

I was on the late night patrol with Thorn Claw, Berry Nose and Toad Step, Nothing special was happening, just re-marking the borders, and chatting like old friends do. Then I could pick up Jay Feathers scent near the tunnels which didn’t concern me. But it did concern the people on the patrol.

“I scent Jay Feather.”

I played dumb, like I didn’t know (you don't know shit anyway so), “I cant pick up the scent.”

“Lion Blaze, I love you, but you’re a fucking idiot.” Toad Step murmured

I let my head down in sadness, “I know.”

“Lets go and check-” I cut Berry Nose off,

“No! I’m sure they’re fine!”

“If you’re so sure, then there's nothing wrong in making sure you’re right.” Thorn Claw pointed out.

I know Jay didn’t want the clan to know so I quickly said, “Fine I’ll go in with Thorn Claw, you guys wait out here” The other two nodded and we walked down into the tunnels that me and Heather Paw used to run and play in, and now the tunnels where Jay Feather spends their time with their boyfriends.

When we reached the house the porch light was on and this was the first time I ever saw it up close, Dust Pelt did a good job. But I couldn’t stare at it for long, “The doors locked.” Thorn Claw groaned, “But Jay Feather could be hurt so,” He then pulled out a bobby pin from his pocket and started picking the lock till the door was open. And we were soon inside the house.

As we walked in I couldn’t help but be in awe on how nice it looked, it looked better then the whole Thunder Clan house! Every item there was probably cost more then my net worth to be honest. But sadly we’re not here to admire furniture, I’m here because Thorn Claw wants to check something that I’ve already confirmed. “Their scent leads in to that room.”

Breeze Pelt pov-

The room was filled with light snores of Fallen Leaves and Jay Feather, as they slept under the orange and white covers. Even though the pillows were perfectly fine they used my body as a pillow instead. I was relishing in the peacefulness with my back against the bed rest, a pillow propping it up so my back won’t hurt after, and enjoying a nice book. With a small light illuminating the pages my eyes were glued to, I didn’t notice at first that there were noises out in the hall. But when I did I had a feeling I knew all to well what it was.

I wanted to investigate by my want to keep the two on my lap asleep, I decided to ignore it and go back to my book. Then I heard the door open, and in the doorway I saw a Lion Blaze who craved death and Thorn Claw who just looked confused as fuck.

“What in the..” Thorn Claw murmured

Lion Blaze started to rub his neck “I tried to stop them, Breeze Pelt, sorry.”

Thorn Claws eyes widened, “You knew?!”

“Yeah, that's why I said Jay Feather was fine.”

Jay Feather then started to wake up, “One of you better explain why you woke me up before I turn your spine into a PEZ dispenser.”

I laughed, “Thorn Claw must of thought you were in danger, so he rushed down here since Lion Blaze couldn’t stop him.” I explained

“Both of you two dumbasses need to get out of here before the only thing that will be seen of you is your head.”

“Ok bye!” Then they ran out, with the door slamming.

“Heh, good job.”

“Shut the fuck up and lay back down.”

“Alright then.”

When they awoke later Jay Feather pov--

When I woke up, I saw that Breeze Pelt and Fallen Leaves were still asleep. I softly smiled and checked my phone, I had multiple texts and voice mails.. What the hell happened?! I sighed, got on some pants a shirt and a jean jacket. I walked to the kitchen while I did my hair to make them breakfast since I would probably have to leave after we eat. So, I ended up making fruit pancakes and coffee. My phone kept blowing up, telling me to head home,

“Jay Feather, are you heading out already?” Fallen Leaves asked as he and Breeze Pelt exited the bedroom

“Yeah, medicine cat duties are a pain.”

I could hear them both walking over to me, “Well, I’ll see you soon.” Breeze Pelt said, planting a kiss on my lips Fallen Leaves soon followed suit and did the same thing, “I love you.” I said to the two toms.

“We love you too.”

I opened the door and walked out and out of the tunnels, I brushed the soot off my pants and went back to Thunder Clan. When I entered through the back door of the medicine cat room, I could feel Leaf Pools gaze lock onto me,

“There you are!”

“Why was my phone spammed with messages?”

“Well I wanted to talk to you about something, come sit.”

I did as my mother said and walked over to her sat on a stool, “What’d you wanna talk about?”

“I am going to give you the week off if you promise to go to the next medicine cat meeting.” My eyes lit up at her words. Spending a whole week with those two?! That sounds like pure Star Clan.

But I tried to keep it cool by just saying, “Sure, sounds good.” I checked my phone and saw it was Monday.

“Go get packing.” She chuckled.

‘This was gonna be a fun week.’

END (non story stuff under cut)

Hello! This is my first fanfic on here! It seems easier to navigate so I may start uploading more fanfics here. I will also probably make a part two if people want it. If you want headcanons just ask for them. Any hate for this post will not be tolerated and I will delete and or block anyone who tries to give me non constructive criticism. ~🏳‍🌈 Amber

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og-doubletrouble-kinnie · 5 years

Text

Marx Mem

Aighty this is long and it gets a bit dark I guess? Idk its a panic attack mem so.. Warned ig

After a really bad day at the news station (Katie and other various bosses being total fucking dicks. Writing 3 whole news reports in a single day AND Having to take care of food stuffs for the day cause our intern fucking d ied or something) I stumbled home fucking exhausted.

Pretty much the moment I get inside my apartment bastard speaks up "I can't believe you're tired. You barely did anything today."

I tilt my head back and forth and in a mocking tone I talk back "oh sure writing three full length news stories in a single day while making sure the staff is fed and keeping Katie off my damn back is nothing. Su r e"

I pull my gloves off, untie my bowtie and pull off my jacket as I head to the bathroom. Just wanna shower and pass the fuck out, I don't care that it's like 5pm, I deserve a damn nap. I realize I'm far to exausted to stay awake for an entire shower so I just opt for cleaning my face and hoping I dont just conk out on my bathroom floor.

I stand infront of the sink and just space out staring at the faucet for at least a minute. When I snap back to reality I look to my mirror- Surprised to see my actual reflection for a moment before bastard pops up. "Katie was right you know. You're such a slacker~ And you don't write nearly enough stories for her! The head anchor. Sure Tom is nicer to you but he shouldn't be doing the most talking! Keep the camera on Katie, Marx!! You're a man of taste, you know that everyone just tunes in for Katies chest- Hell thats why you tune in. 'Course you already know everything she's gonna say. Unless she throws your script away, like she really should every time cause you write utter filth. I'm surprised she even tries to read the mess you give her each day."

I honestly just stare tiredly into the mirror as he goes on and on, nodding occasionally cause I'm tired enough to believe him. His words blur out at this point and I manage to splash my face with water before tiredly making the stupidest comment I could possibly make while bastard is really active, "God I wish Angel and Bee were here-"

And bastard laughs at me. "Now why could you possibly want that???"

"Oh I dunno maybe it's cause I'm exhausted and curling up with my hoard seems really fucking nice, you pathetic piece of shit."

"Ah yeah I'm the 'piece of shit' have ya seen yourself lately?"

"Oh I'd love to but you seem to always take my reflections place."

"Oh wow Marxy has a bite now, huh?"

I glare into the mirror "Don't call me that."

"Why? Cause your precious little Angel gave it to ya? C'mon Marxy lighten up, it's not like I'm real."

I roll my eyes. Again with the "not real" thing, huh? Okay yeah sure. "Yeah, them being here would be great... I'd love to ignore you for the night." I turn from the mirror, ready to go sleep but-

He seems to not like when I want to ignore him... Cause- well thats when he brings out the big guns "What makes you think they want to be here?"

I freeze... He usually doesn't get to me like this... But ya know- I'm exhausted.. And hearing that one sentence makes my mind swarm with all the things Angel and Bee could be saying about me- about how much they could hate me... I can't shake it away with logic cause it practically doesnt exist in this moment. I turn back to the mirror. "I- I don't-"

"Exactly. There's no reason for either of them to want to be around you."

"Y- yeah-" I nod slowly and lean against the wall, glancing at the mirror for a moment before looking to the floor.

"I mean, just look at you! You're pathetic!"

I listen and look back to the mirror, my reflection is back. My eye bags are huge, my hairs a mess (more so than usual), he's right. I look pathetic... Of course I do. I always do... I slide down the wall, mostly due to my legs being to tired to hold me up, but also cause it's where I belong. The floor is the proper home for someone who looks like such trash.

"Do you really think they care about you? Oh sure Angel's stopped taking blood but who's to say thats his choice? He probably stopped cause Charlies buckling down on his drug problems~ If thats the case, then why would he bother to still have sex with you? Maybe you've somehow convinced him you're the only one he should be with? How cruel... Why should you hold him back? Why even bother talking to him when you're so controlling and possessive??"

I bring my knees closer to my chest, instinctively curling up to try and block him out. I try to mumble a stop but only manage a small squeak. I feel my claws digging into my arms but dont do anything to stop it.

"Oh and Dont even get me started on Bee! You're clearly manipulating him too! Why else would he call you "boss"? Why else would he do nearly anything you ask of him? Oh sure he could easily take you down if he found a problem with you, but what if you're all he has? He puts up with your constant abuse because he thinks he can't get anyone else? Do you really think he wants to put up with you? That either of them do?"

I shake my head. I dont know if I'm answering him if trying to refuse it.

"Just look at what happened with Baxter. How long until you somehow corrupt them aswell?"

"B-"

"Pfft- Surely you didnt think Baxters actions were his own?? My my, Marx I knew you were stupid but I didnt realize it was that bad. You obviously made Baxter feel inferior, even you knew that. But you never dealt with it. You let it fester and grow. I bet you just loved watching Baxter hate himself all because of you? Don't try to deny me, Marxy. I know it all, its so incredibly obvious I'm surprised nobodies figured it out yet... Then again, if you cant even figure this out about yourself, then maybe your friends have the intelligence of rocks!"

Now I feel a few tears run down my cheeks and go to wipe them- But.. Well I suppose I've broken skin on my arms cause I just smear blood on my face.

"Oh nice job you fucking idiot. What are people gonna say when they see those scars? They'll think you're some kind of edgy teenager. Then again- you might aswell be. Constantly wanting the attention of others."

I shake my head harder, hands moving from my arms to my head "n-no... It- it was an accident-"

"Awe... But that doesn't matter Marx! The point is that you did it in the first place!"

I whimper and shake- pulling my hair hard enough that I feel I should be pulling out hairs.

I hear the faintest door in the distance- due to how muffled it sounds I assume it's a neighbors door...

Bastard.. Thankfully quiets down for a moment- I manage to move my hands back to my arms- I can't loosen their grip... But scraped up arms are easier to deal with than a scraped up head.

Then Angel comes in- "Ma- Oh my god- Bee! Bee I found him-!" Angel crouches down beside me and very carefully grabs my hands, and pulls them from my arms. "Marx wh- What happened?"

I hear bastard laugh from the mirror "You can't tell him. He won't believe you."

"I-"

Bee comes in- Fast. "Boss?!" I assume Angels tone must've scared him- and well. He scares me- I jump, grabbing my arms again and my wings pop up.

Angel grumbles "Damnit- Bee ya scared 'im-"

I scoot away before Angel can try to pry my hands free again-

"Mar-?"

"N-no no- you're- You're not supposed to be here-"

Bee crouches down by Angel, "Boss what're ya talkin 'bout?"

"Oh you're finally pushing them away now?" I glance at the mirror- bastard is just eating this up.

My hands get tighter as my eyes dart back to Angel and Bee. I stare like a deer in headlights- expecting them to.. I dont know- do.. Something...

Angel turns to Bee "Bee see if you can find some bandages- I'll... Try and calm him back down..."

Bee nods, gives me a sad/worried look then gets up and leaves the room. Angel shuffles over to me, and I instinctively push myself farther into the corner.

"Marx I'm not gonna hurt you- it's alright..."

"He's talking to you like youre an animal. He sees you as dangerous. He has every right to. You could attack at any moment."

"Sh- s hut up-"

Angel tilts his head "Wh-?"

"Awe look how cute, he thinks you're talking to him."

"Shut up"

"Mar-" He looks concerned... Possibly scared..

"You're scaring him~ Of course you are... You probably scare him often.."

I shoot up, yelling toward the mirror "I said shUT UP!!!" I hear a loud thud and suddenly my hand hurts- I punched my wall...

Theres a small crash in the kitchen and Bee comes running in, holding a roll of bandages- I look down to Angel- And yeah.. He looks scared- So does Bee- I drop my hand from the wall and back away the few inches I can without stumbling into my bath-

"C-can't... Can't you hear it" I try not to physically cringe at how... Pathetic I sound

I hear bastard laugh, and Bee and Angel exchange a confused look.

"Hear... What, Boss?"

"I- it. The voice. I- I can't- I can't be the only one-" One hand goes back to my hair.

"Oh you sad, sad man..."

Angel gets up and comes over to me- Grabbing the hand in my hair and pulling it down before I can start pulling. "Marxy.... Hun- Are you alright...?" He lowers me onto the side of the tub.

I stare at the floor, squinting slightly "I-... I don't???"

Angel gestures at Bee, he steps over, handing Angel the bandage roll then sitting next to me. He puts a hand on my back, rubbing small circles.

"Let me see your arms, Marxy-"

With the extra exhaustion from the panic attack I just tiredly listen to him, flopping my arms on my lap- my wings vanishing. Angel starts wrapping them up. I feel myself yawn, and I lean on Bee, he moves from rubbing my back to putting his two arms on that side around me. I feel myself starting to doze off- but I'm still jumping awake each time.

When Angel finishes wrapping my arms, he picks me up and heads for the bed. I glare at the bandages, My tired dragon brain doesn't like them... So I bite at them- Or at least I try but Angel baps my nose. "Don't you even try, Mister."

I tiredly whine and grumble, flopping into Angels chest. "B u t.... I dont-"

"I dont care if ya don't like 'em, you need to heal and bitin your bandages aint gonna help."

Angel sets me down on the bed and I pbbthh at him. Him and Bee climb in on either side of me and I yawn again.

"Sounds like ya need to sleep, Boss-"

"Mmrmm..." I roll over and face Bee, "No shit... Katie n the others worked me like a dog t'day..." I shove my face into the Matress

"Don't they overwork you every day?"

"Ye s it was just worse this time"

I feel Bee pat my back a few times, and Angel cuddles up to my side and starts talkin, "Well we wanted to go to the bar- But a nap sounds pretty nice instead..."

Bee hums in agreement- he doesn't lay down though... Just stays sitting next to me and keeps a hand on my back.

There's a few moments of silence, but I eventually pass out.

#nervouswreck #tw blood #tw panic attack

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