#i can't even keep irl friends what makes me think i can keep online ones too? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pupyuj · 7 months

Note

thinking about extrenely dubcon g!p stalker wonyoung (who so happens to be your blockmate) breaking into your house late at night and yes😁

i held off on posting this for the longest time bcs tbh, i never rlly knew where i stood with noncon/dubcon even though i say in my pinned that i do write about it??? yea IK weird but it's been quite some time since i finished this and i can now actually write these kinds of things without flinching so! ANYWAY, i like it when you guys make wony a pathetic loser it's so fun... except that she's a bit creepy here but whatever.

[cw: g!p, stralker!wony, perv!wony, dubcon/noncon (it really was teetering the line...), breeding]

FUCK . okay so wony being so obsessively in love with you since the day you sat beside her in your first day of classes, but can't bring herself to talk to you bcs you just radiated pure sunshine energy that it blinds her too much so she settles with following you around, stalking you irl and online??? when she's sitting beside you, she's sneaking pics of what's hiding underneath your skirt... and you're always talking to people so you don't really notice your pretty seatmate lowering her phone and snapping a couple pics of your panties... she uses those pics to get off for sure.. she moans your name so loudly while stroking her cock, wishing that she had the courage to just fucking grab you, bend you over your desk, and pound your pretty pussy in front of the entire class... but poor wony has to be satisfied with just looking at you from a distance. a very, very close distance...

omg but like, wony eavesdropping in one of the conversations you have with your friends.. and she finds out that you're a virgin 🤭 but then she gets upset bcs your friends started teasing you about some girl who you were talking to in that way and how you weren't going to be a virgin for very long now... oh god, wony got sooo mad 😤😤 she saw you first!! therefore she deserves to be your first!! she firmly believed that nobody will ever be able to fuck you as good as she can... and she wanted to prove this so naturally, wony breaks inside your house dead in the night... feeling her heart beating so loud not out of anxiety or fear of being caught, but because your scent was everywhere... wony could just lay down in your living for the entire night and just bask in your sweet scent.. but she was here on a mission 👀

wony making her way inside your bedroom with exactly zero noise??? she stares at your face for a while, breathing heavily and her hands already unbuckling her belt and removing her pants dkshscnhsjgh 😵‍💫😵‍💫 wony climbing onto your bed with her cock just . out, stirring you awake... and ofc you were going to freak the fuck out bcs who the hell was in your house?! but wony was quick to cover your mouth with her hand and shush you, "it's me... it's me, (y/n)... it's wonyoung. i won't hurt you... just don't scream." but you were so fucking scared bcs you didn't know her!!

wony keeping her hand on your mouth bcs she knew you wouldn't keep quiet... leaning down to kiss your neck despite your resistance, her moaning at the way your skin tastes on her lips?!! wony finding your sweet spot and making you moan accidentally,, and she's so happy bcs she thinks you're liking it but fuck you were in tears bcs what the hell was she going to do to you??? ☹️ "i couldn't bear the thought of not being your first time... so i'm getting to you before that girl..." she says and finally you realized that that thing that was pressed up against your stomach was her dick... again, you started freaking out—kicking, squirming, scratching at wony's arms and trying to push her away but she was unexpectedly strong :(( "i'm gonna fuck you, (y/n)... i'm gonna fuck you and you're gonna love it.. you're gonna love me." and then she swiftly pulls your shorts n panties off and slams her cock in your cunt :(((

wony's hand in your mouth muffling your pained moans as she thrusted into you :(( "i-i know it hurts but.. ohh, fuck, so g-good... it'll feel better in a bit, i p-promise.. mhm...!" wony starting to quicken her pace and forcing her cock deeper inside you bcs she wanted to feel your cunt envelope her entire length :((( n then you're crying and sobbing bcs it hurt so bad but then... wony starts hitting a few good spots and you find yourself moaning out of pleasure instead of pain... all of this was so wrong.. wony didn't ask for your permission, wasn't being gentle at all, and she was restraining you... but fuck, her cock was such a perfect fit in your tight little pussy and you wanted more...

"see...? it feels nice, r-right? fuck... i'll g-go faster.. wanna ruin you so bad..." wony grips your hip with her one hand and started pounding into you so much harder and faster that you screamed into her palm... wony was starting to get hurt by the way you hit her arm and clawed at her skin so she pinned both of your hands above your head... she doesn't care that people could probably hear you screaming and crying,, your voice was akin to that of an angel, she could listen to you all day!

sobbing while wony was marking you up :(( begging for her to stop bcs it was hurting you,, and you told her she was hurting you but she refused to listen,,, only kissing your tears away and expecting you to take everything like a good girl... so you had to :(( it goes on for a while... her going in and out of you, her groans, your cries being the only thing that was heard throughout the house... you finally coming all over wony's cock and not knowing that you did bcs wony kept fucking into you, faster again bcs she was close too :(((

"g-gonna come inside you... d'you want my cum, (y/n)?? w-want me to... h-haahh... want me to get you pregnant? i want to... i really want to, fuck... you're mine... i need you to be mine..." wony buries her head on your neck, mumbling all this nonsense about giving you her kids... then you're begging her not to fucking do that but she doesn't want her cum to go to waste :(( wony coming inside you with a long, whiny moan which you thought was a bit cute...

feeling wony's warm cum inside you... only pulling out minutes later when she has dumped every fucking seed inside your cunt... putting your hands on her shoulders when she finally let go of your wrists,, god you felt so violated.. but why were you kissing her?? why were you thinking that she was the prettiest thing you have ever seen?? and why, after recovering from everything, were you begging for her to come inside you again?? 😣😣

#ive smut #ive x reader #ive imagines #girl group smut #girl group x reader #girl group imagines #ive x fem reader #jang wonyoung smut #jang wonyoung imagines #jang wonyoung x reader #wonyoung smut #wonyoung x reader #wonyoung imagines #g!p wonyoung #g!p idol

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skeelly · 6 months

Text

"trust that you betrayed, confusion that still lingers"

i see you've decided to suffer by checking my blog so-

hi! welcome to my blog! :)

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉

: ̗̀➛ i usually post about: taylor swift, sometimes one direction, books i haven't actually finished, rarely rants, sometimes harry potter/other shows I've watched and honesty just anything i see on my feed.

: ̗̀➛ i love/enjoy: taylor swift, olivia rodrigo, claire rosinkranz, conan gray, one direction and all it's members, harry potter, HORSES, writing//reading, money, poetry, football//soccer (sports in general), memes or anything funny, painting my nails, that one guy in my sister's class, being annoying and most importantly the sturniolo triplets.

this is a safe place for everyone!

@crysten is my second acc that i has no value and use. if you know me irl, i suggest you just stop looking at my blog :)

: ̗̀➛ things about me: my name is kristen. i go by she/her. im from the philippines. im a capricorn. intp-t. its hard for me not to make typos cause i send messages without thinking twice. i hate school. if we don't count online friends then im practically friendless. im in a science curriculum but can't understand physics. i love writing. i can fluently speak 3 languages but i want to speak more. i look like an absolute mess no matter the time. im 100000% ambivert. i don't like people who can't work the same pace as me (i know that's toxic, i swear im trying to fix it). my birthday is after christmas. i embarrass myself in ways not even god thought would be possible. im a confusing little biatch so im sorry. OBVIOUSLY, i live off of pinterest and i guess tumblr. proper grammar = non existent. i will give you anything you want, just give me a horse and grayson hawthorne. i love making friends so please don't feel shy to interact with me and i am a minor so please don't be weird <3

i reblog my posts to my other acc because im funny and yes, i keep adding to this intro because i find this thing fun and im kinda bad at keeping up with posts im mentioned in, so im sorry if i dont reply. oh and this intro is heavily inspired by @svnflowermoon & @stvrlighhttt <3

: ̗̀➛ some special people:

@mqstermindswift @stvrlighhttt @remingtonreputation13 @what-about-wendy @dumbass-lesbian @themidnightarcher @astraeasparrow @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies @lucinda-008 @niallermybabe @coco6420 @atwtmvftvtvsgavralpss @swiftieannah @reminiscentreader @hathorneheiress @xyzinthearea-1 @glitterfuturisticmortally @blocked-zombieartist @philomenacunkstan1 @real-human-shana-nicole @newromanticslut @holdmyteaplease @my-mind-is-frozen @zuzanna-jadw1ga @starchasers-stuff @chilipowder9 @iwanttomarrynoahshaw @evermore-4-life @lovliestars @urbanflorals @sl33py-angel @antlerbullets @rohza-is-a-bit-gay @mickeywheeler @reyna-obsessed @13callisto @nqds @maketheshadowsfearyou @crowgenius @in-a-state-of-crisis @cc-horan @bookishswiftie1989 @ava-taylors-version @pranav03 @thislifeissweeterthanfiction @mickeywheeler @waiting-down-the-hall-for-me (apparently i reached the max ments on a post)

SERIOUSLY, IF YOU KNOW ME IRL, STOP LOOKING AT ME BLOG.

: ̗̀➛ dni: racists//homophobes//proshippers//does not stand with palestine//over 30 (respectfully)

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sameschmidtdiffname · 2 months

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i recently had a thought about the reader's online friend!josh futterman, like if these two actually KNOW each other irl but have no idea about it because they use nicknames

i'd really appreciate it if you'd write something like this and I hope my description of it makes sense i used a translator for this lol

in love with your writing btw !!! <3

Bbgirl I gotCHUUUUU

Familiar Strangers

A Josh Futturman x Gender Neutral! Reader Series

Summery: They always say you never know when you'll meet Mister Right. But damn. This is a new level.

Tags: No use of Y/N, no gender specific pronouns for Reader, coffee shop AU, Josh never wins 'Biotic Wars' AU, fluff, meet cute, online friends who don't realize they're friends irl as well, brief mentions of smut, otherwise SFW.

Notes: Alright, first actually planned series! Is it gonna be a slowburn with twenty parts? A mini series? Who the fuck knows! Not me! Let's pray, mfers.

¤•1•¤

°☆>》Maggie's《<☆°

"Please tell me there's a chance for us," she says with baited breath. "Don't tell me you're walking away."

The atmosphere of the small, brick walled coffee shop is calm for 10 o'clock in the morning, but I'm not complaining. God knows I prefer this over the alternative anyways.

"You know that I can't answer that," Oshua says to Tiger, agitated.

This guy, always trying to be mysterious.

"I've waited for you my whole life. You could give me a goddamn-"

The ring of the shop bell tears me from my reading, my head darting up to see who has come to disturb my morning of peace and fiction.

"Hi!" The customer says in overly bright voice. One look at the man and I already know he's the chatty type, not willing to just duck in and out, keys jingling from the black belt on his hip as he flashes a bright, genuine smile, waving his hand enthusiastically while keeping the other in his pants pocket.

Motherfucker.

"Hi!" I try to return with the same bright smile and tone, but I feel irritation spike into my chest as I hear the soft 'click' of my phone shutting off. "Welcome to Maggie's, what can I get you?"

Gentle sunlight streams in through the permanently clouded bay windows of the shop, illuminating the store in its warm glow that just makes a morning feel particularly peaceful. There isn't much foot at this point in the morning, most people already having arrived to work an hour or so earlier, myself included. It was a busy enough part of town, a good location for a coffee shop to thrive, especially with the loyal flow of customers from Kronish Laboratory, a tall, dull building dedicated to scientific research, and the little coffee shop that signs my checks often had the pleasures (read: irritations) of dealing with said researchers and keeping them alive while they work on the miracle cure for herpes. Most of them being particularly rude and short about their orders, usually in a rush for a regular cup of black coffee and swiping it from my hand before storming out to resume their endless work typing away at a computer to log their samples after what must be their too short lunch break. Or maybe too long. Can never tell with those assholes. Most of which I know through mental nicknames. It's partially because I'm no good at actual names. And partially my own form of disrespect and entertainment. Come on, you do it too.

"I don't know," the unfamiliar man says brightly, placing his hands on his hips as he looks at the chalkboard sign hanging behind my head. "What do you like?"

'Whatever gets you out of here the fastest,' I think. But instead I say "Well, what exactly are you looking for? Tea, coffee," the door, "smoothies?"

"Hit me-" gladly. "-with a tea," the bright man says just so... brightly.

Thank you for being so descriptive. "What kind?" I ask, trying to keep my smile sweet.

"Whatever you like," he says with a shrug.

"Vanilla chai?"

"Sure!"

I need to stop being so irritable when someone interrupts my reading. I'm not even allowed to be on my phone at work technically, except the manager generally doesn't care so long as I at least make half an effort to hide it and don't do it in front of customers. And maybe I wouldn't even really care about the interruption except I've been waiting for the release of this part for two weeks, and Nick had been so secretive about the ending he didn't even let me beta read the work before posting.

"What's got you in such a mood?" I ask the smiling man, turning to begin making the drink. Oh, size.

"What do you mean?" He asks, raising his brows, still smiling. Brightly.

"You're like a big... ball of sunshine," I say, gesturing towards him before holding up a small and large cup, now gesturing the two like they were on scales to silently ask his preference.

"Oh, I'm just excited this morning. I'm not usually like this," he says, laughing a little as a small blush grows on his nose, glancing down at the floor before returning his gaze to the cups, pointing at the small.

"Yeah?" I ask, putting the large cup away.

"Yeah. Finished a big project this morning, so I'm like," he shrugs, now scratching the back of his head as he tries to subdue his smile, pressing his lips together and now crossing his subtly built arms across his chest.

"Well, congrats," I say. There's a small moment of slightly awkward silence as the tea quickly brews, both of us not really sure what to say next. This is the part I hate about customer service. I feel bad if I'm not constantly keeping them engaged, but if they're constantly talking I wish they would shut the fuck up. I already can't read regular conversation cues, there's just no winning with this shit.

"I like your uh..." the man I've decided will henceforth be known as Sunshine drawls. "Apron."

I look down at myself, taking note of the dandelion yellow cloth stained with coffee at the bottom from an hour ago when it accidently dipped into a puddle of the stuff while I was cleaning up a spill someone hadn't even told me about only half an hour after opening.

"Thanks," I say, looking back up. "Company issued."

"Oh, we match!" Sunshine jokes, pointing at his grey jumpsuit. Alright, the man may be way too energetic for the morning, but at least he's entertaining about it. I take an actual look at his attire now, a janitors outfit with what I should've expected to be a Kronish Laboratory logo right above his name sewn onto the suit.

"That we do..." I glance at his nametag. "Futturman."

"Fut-turman, not Foot-turman," Sunshine corrects me.

"Oh shit. Shoot. Sorry, man," I laugh awkwardly, offering an apologetic smile as I pour the warm, steeped tea over the ice.

"Iced in Febuary?" He asks, giving me enough grace to not focus on the subject.

I feel my own blush creep onto my skin, a side effect from the name jumble and realizing I hadn't asked his preference. Get your head in the game, idiot.

"I can make you another, if you'd like," I offer sheepishly.

"No!" He blurts, straightening his posture and leaning against the counter. "I mean-" he coughs awkwardly, glancing away. "No, iced is good. I like iced, just uh- figured you... wouldn't have the same preference."

Please, God. It's too early for this.

"I don't like the hot to room temperature texture," I say awkwardly, searching for a lid. "Too... I don't know. Iced to room temperature is better."

"Totally agree," Sunshine says quickly.

Glad to know neither of us can interact with humans properly.

Another moment of awkward silence, except I know what to say this time.

"So, you work at the lab?" I ask. For the small moment I didn't have his attention, he seemed to be surveying the small cakes on display inside the counter beside me, looking at a little white cake with strawberry coating on top before turning back to me.

"Oh! Yeah, no, I just- Carl told me about the place, said I had to try it out," he says, shifting his weight as he stands. "Good vibes and all that."

"Carl..." I say, trying to remember if I've known a Carl.

"Big, like," he gestures his hands long then wide. "Works security, looks like," he makes a sort of stern, almost mean mug face. At that it clicks.

"Oh! Carl!" Deftones Guy. "Yeah, I know him," I say with a more relaxed smile, chuckling a little.

"Yeah, said you guys discuss music sometimes," he says, nodding enthusiastically like he's glad we know the same person.

"A little," I say, placing the drink on the counter. "Alright, Mr. Futturman. $6.70 is your total."

The dark haired man nods, pulling out a green wallet with an emblem on the front from one of his deep pockets. I try to get a clear look simply out of curiosity, but his large, tanned hand covers it too much for me to see what it is.

"Here you are," he says, handing me his card. There's more silence, this time comfortable as I swipe it, our machine beeping twice in decline. At the third beep, Sunshine begins to shift his weight again, licking and biting his bottom lip nervously.

"There should be money on there," he says with a nervous chuckle.

"Oh, it's the machine. It doesn't like working," I clarify. "One sec."

Quickly, I pound my palm into the righthand top corner of the device, right under the chip reader before inserting the blue, cloud covered card once more and waiting for the transaction to clear. At the much more calm, non-nuclear level beep we both breathe a sigh of relief as I return the card to him with a smile.

"Alright," he says with that bright tone to his voice once more. "Now I can see what's up."

We both can.

"I hope you have a good day, Mr. Futturman," I say brightly, still a tad pink from leftover embarrassment.

Sunshine nods and smiles at me, toasting his drink before turning from me and beginning to walk away, taking a sip of his drink and humming in approval, turning quickly and giving me a thumbs up before tripping over his own foot and stumbling into the door like a bit of an idiot, making me giggle slightly before I make myself look away to give him the same grace he'd given me earlier. And with that last exchange he's gone, and I'm free to return to my art.

The tall man looked sadly at- ah shit, I jumped ahead.

"I've waited for you my whole life. You could give me a goddamn answer, Future Man!" Tiger spat in anger and frustration, forcing the emotions she could barely even allow herself to feel overwhelm her in her attempts to communicate.

Emotional angst for my bright morning. God bless, Nick.

As I push open the door to my apartment, my phone is buzzing with still silent notifications of what I can guarantee are Tumblr sourced. More specifically, Tumblr messaging sourced. As I push the door shut with my foot, one glance at my old, outdated phone confirms my thoughts.

felinehusband: Okay, give it to me straight.

I smile at the notification, allowing my oversized bag filled with too many items to clatter to the ground loudly, unlocking my phone and responding quickly.

icanfixhimdotorg: Dude.

I walk as I type, entering the kitchen and opening the door to the small freezer to see which cheap meal I'll try not to nuke tonight.

felinehusband: Dude? ,:)

I smile at the message, picking out chicken teriyaki as I hit send.

icanfixhimdotorg: Worth. The. Wait.

I cross to the beaten microwave, the appliance cheap and secondhand from Facebook marketplace. It's honestly a miracle the thing hasn't blown up in my face or given me detectable cancer, but despite the large dent on the side, still usable. Google said if the door still seals and there's no opening, it was safe. And it got that dent from me dropping it on the way inside the apartment on move in day after I already paid $50 for it after getting it from some overworked mom who hardly wanted to even charge that low. I sure as hell wasn't gonna get a refund, or anything functional for cheaper.

I leave my phone on the counter as I open the frozen meal, vent the film and slap it inside. Now to wait for seven minutes.

felinehusband: Oh thank GOD. I've been anxious all day.

I chuckle softly, smiling as I lean against the permanently grimy counter.

icanfixhimdotorg: I don't know why!! You always post such good work :)

felinehusband: Well, I post work that always has good reception.

icanfixhimdotorg: The difference?

felinehusband: ... I'll get back to you on that one lol

I tap my foot against the floor, listening to the muffled echo mix with the loud hum of the microwave as I stare ahead at the mint green, poorly painted wall in front of me.

icanfixhimdotorg: No cervix penetration?

There's plenty of ways to meet friends. I didn't not bank on responding to a request for beta readers for fanfiction for some moderate, slowly dying game fandom to be one of them.

felinehusband: ONE TIME!

The quick response makes me laugh, clicking off my phone as I turn my attention now to my waiting meal that I'm going to devour much too quickly while working lines for my production.

Nick and I started chatting about six months ago. I had already been following him for some of his shit posts, midnight blogging, and when he started posting fanfiction I was one of his first readers.

'Biotic Wars' doesn't have a particularly big following on Tumblr as it used to. When the game first came out, people were going insane over how to beat the final level. The community thrived from memes, overly elaborate theories, fanfiction, you name it. It helped that there was a huge boost in the gaming community in general around the time it came out, what with 'Five Nights at Freddy's' cranking out sequels faster than anyone could keep up with, 'Undertale' breaking out onto the scene a little bit later. The gaming side of Tumblr was alive and thriving, and the amount of overlapping there was between fandoms only made it bigger. That was how I found the fandom personally. That and binging several different speed-running videos.

At the point Nick came onto the scene, most had generally lost their interest in the unbeatable 'Biotic Wars.' The fans that remained did so out of genuine interest or hyperfixation instead of temporary trends, and while good work was still being posted, everyone had at that point either begun to shift their own writing focuses, lost time to post frequently, or shifted to other platforms such as Archive of Our Own and had stopped crossposting to their Tumblr. So a decent, well paced, new angst fic following a lone Wolf and Tiger reminiscing on their old journies together as they attempted to survive a bitter winter night without any supplies other than an old tarp being used as their only attempt of shelter as they attempt to ride out a storm after a mission gone wrong popped onto the scene, people were immediately captivated. And even though it was a one-shot, the work received enough attention that a spin-off fic was posted within the following 48 hours. And once those two had blown up, Nick was quickly recognized in the community for his content, shitposts and fics alike. And he was very lucky to have overwhelming positive feedback. Until his first smut, that is.

icanfixhimdotorg: Nico, baby. It's an important first step for every smut writer.

Oh, it was brutal. First, he decided to go off the deep end by just jumping straight into some tenticle situation for poor Tiger. Now, granted, he did post a poll before hand asking if we readers would enjoy the consumption of some outrageous shit, to which 78.8% of voters said yes, myself included. But when reading a 'baby's first smut' fic, one doesn't really expect... that. But I'll admit, it was surprisingly good quality. Until the cervix penetration.

"Coiling in her womb." Yeah, Tumblr had a fun day with that one.

It took less than a day for him to post that he was searching for smut consultants and beta readers, to which I responded both out of genuine interest and a bit of pity since I was sure his ask box was filling with several new comments. No one was surprised when he ended up turning off anon for a few days. And since I had responded to quite a few of his works/posts already, I was one of the lucky few selected for such a job since he recognized me. And once the doorway was opened for casual chatter, both of us just kind of never stopped. Either by constantly responding to each others posts, automatic reblogs at each notification of a new post, or messaging each other about our days kept us both sane as we tried to just survive each new day as adults.

I look up from my notebook where my tragic script is scratched across the $0.75 college notebook as I lazily attempt to memorize my lines while mostly keeping my eyes trained on the old TV in front of me to check the buzz from my phone, swiping it open to read the new message.

felinehusband: So how's season four going?

icanfixhimdotorg: Dude.

I watch the screen until I feel the phone buzz once more in my hand.

felinehusband: No spoilers!! I'm still trying to push through season three for you ;)

Nick was sweet. Good for a joke, claims he's a little awkward, but a good friend. Sweet enough that about two months ago he'd let it slip he'd begun watching my favorite show simply because "If I have to see you go insane over animated anthropomorphic animals interacting with humans again without context, I'm gonna lose it."

icanfixhimdotorg: Binge it!! You're gonna lose your mind!!

felinehusband: You're gonna delay part 10 lmao

As I take the last bite of my meal, I realize the time, sighing as I begin to do the mental math of how long I have until practice tonight. Knowing how little time I have to prepare, I pause the episode and type one last quick text.

icanfixhimdotorg: If it does, it's worth it honestly. You won't believe this shit, Nick.

As I stand from the sagging, horrendously textured couch I catch his parting message while I stretch, popping about five different spots in my back.

felinehusband: Okayokay, if it means I can read your over the top rants again, it's worth it :)

icanfixhimdotorg: Excellent. Got to go, showering for practice tonight.

I trail quickly through the small apartment, grabbing whatever clothes are passable in public while remaining comfortable enough to sleep in when I immediately collapse into my bed around 11 tonight, an old, tattered, turquoise towel I'd stolen from my parents when I moved out, and grabbing my soap from the kitchen sink before making my way to the bathroom. Listen, Seventh Generation is cheap and works just as good on the human body as it does on dishes, alright? I'm trying to get a mortgage one day.

As I wait for the water to shift from its arctic temperature to something more bearable, I check my phone one more time to quickly reblog a gifset and read Nick's departing message.

felinehusband: Knock 'em dead, Mercutio :)

felinehusband: Also, I need some input later tonight for this like. Slowburn thing. May be an AU. Not sure, we'll see. I'm thinking coffee shop

Ah, yes.

icanfixhimdotorg: A classic.

>¤》○《¤<

I'm making no current promises on how frequently I update this series. Hopefully it'll be something I can work on while working and such, but we'll see what happens. My current hope is to post at minimum one request and hopefully one part for this series per week. However I will warn one of my current projects is about to wrap up, meaning I'm going to have to focus on that next week as much as possible, meaning I probably won't get anything done writing wise next week unless I aim for a drabble or headcanons. And even then I'm not sure I'll have time for actually editing and such, so don't be surprised if the only content you get next week is some rambles like I've been doing for Peeta lately or nothing at all. Alright, love y'all!! Stay safe, stay healthy <33 see you next time.

Taglist:

@cassiecasluciluce @gh0u1ishly @joshhutchersons-slut @schmidtsbimbo @sugarevans @wompwompwomp57 . Thank you for your support pookies!!! <3

•▪︎Masterlist▪︎•

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sugawarassoulmate · 1 year

Note

okok im back with incel!kenma

whats even worse is if you really can’t tell if you’re a guy or a girl, the type of person that gives gender envy. if you have longer hair he just assumes your like him and can’t be bothered to cut it.

OKAY THIS THOUGHT JUST HIT ME MID TYPING! YOU’RE THE BITCH NERD!/LOSER!KURO CANT STOP TALKING ABOUT. THERES TWO MAYBE THREE WAYS HE CAN FIND OUT ITS YOU.

also ik this isn’t one of your hcs for kuro but nerd/loser!kuro x mean!goth!gf but maybe you’re not mean to him but everyone else, people even look at him the wrong way and you have them absolutely terrified. and during your face chats with him you never have your makeup or you daily clothes on. normally just bare faced and in something of kuros. surpising how he didn’t pick up kuros old nekoma jersey

number one: maybe kuro posts a picture of you on his story possibly at your pc playing with incel!kenma. or it could be one of the spicy mirror pictures you made him post because why the hell is the dumb bitch from class feeling up on your man for. maybe you even rant to kenma about this dumb bitch who can’t keep her hands to herself, and why the fuck is she touching a taken man. (okay i think incel!kenma is misogynistic but not homophobic because why the fuck would anyone want to deal with some needy whore constantly.) but that rant solidifies the thought that you are infact a guy maybe not one who hates women on the same level as he does but a man nonetheless. but once kuro posted that picture he figured it out and was disgusted.

number 2: kuro is at your house studying, so to keep your boredom at bay you hop online with kenma, it’s about two hours in when he hears a knock shuffling in the back ground followed by the sound of someone falling onto your bed when he asked about it your response is casual “oh its just my boyfriend.” and he doesn’t pick at it anymore. but then the mic catches a familiar voice in the background. “pretty girl when are you gonna be done, i want to take a nap with you” you give a hum in response to his question. “alright bro gotta leave after this round, so we have to win don’t wanna lose the last match of the day.” obviously you land up losing because kenma can’t get his pretty little head around the fact that he couldn’t tell you were some fucking bitch, you never told him either so that makes you a fucking liar (even tho he didn’t ask). when the game disconnects he’s seething.

number three: this is the worst option really kuro begs him to come hang out with him at his girlfriend, he swears up and down that she’s not the type of woman he’d hate. promises that they have a lot of the same interests. maybe he sends a picture of you cosplaying as one of his favorite characters but that just lowers his opinion, in the photo he can’t even tell its you though. so he’s even more confused when he meets you guys at the arcade. he cautiously calls you by your in game name and you respond with a smile and respond with your irl name. he’s genuinely not sure how to react. not just bc you’re the person he’s been gaming with for almost a year, but with your thick ass platforms you’re just as talk as kuro if not taller. you literally look down at him, can he even talk shit about a bitch like you with out getting his as beat.

anyway this drug out for way longer than intended. but yeah incel!kenma making assumptions and being totally wrong. how funny would it be if he had a crush on kuros gf

bestie.....my beloved......all of the options just sound so amazing to me omg *kisses u*

the absolute torture incel!kenma has to go through upon finding out that 1) his favorite gaming buddy is a disgusting female, 2) she's dating his best friend and somehow he never knew, and 3) she's so fucking hot that kenma can't stop picturing her face every time he rubs one out.

and you just won't let him live you're so fucking mean to him that kenma can't even get a word in when you're roasting him. the only thing that reels you in is kuroo's soft, pleading voice asking you to be nice.

kenma's embarrassed that his friend has become such a simp but fuck if he didn't wish he was on the receiving end of your sweet words.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #kenma x reader #kenma kozume x reader #kozume kenma x reader #🥀#🥀kenma #incel!kenma

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em-writes-stuff-sometimes · 6 months

Text

It's been a while. Sorry.

Hi, all.

I've had a couple people in my inbox asking where I am, if I'm okay, what's going on. And I just wanted to say I'm alright! At first, I wasn't online because I had a work project to do, which was taking up all my time.

At first.

Honestly, being offline has been great for me. Every single time I've thought about going back, I've gone into my Tumblr to find a new hate anon in my inbox (mostly centred around wanting me to KMS, etc.) or someone else in the fandom venting about cliques, bullies, hate anons or the like, and I've immediately been turned off. I'm so, so exhausted by all this.

I think it's fairly obvious to state that I don't like some people on here. That's fine, isn't it? Sometimes people just don't like each other, and everyone is entitled to their reasons for that. I've not brought those users up, not said a single word about any of them for ages, and I'd really like to keep it that way. Part of that has involved my choosing to disengage from users who frequently interact with them, and that's not because I hate those users or want to punish them for their friendships - I'd just prefer not to be reminded of anyone I've felt uncomfy with while on here, and I feel like that's a fair boundary to set? I would never ask anyone to stop being friends with people because that's a different bag of crazy than I am, but I also feel it's unfair to have to force myself to be okay with the names of users who I've had negative experiences with pop up on my dashboard all the time. It doesn't make for a healthy environment.

I guess the reason I bring that up is because I can't really fathom who else is sending me all this hate; I have to assume it's people who are upset that I've chosen to unfollow or stop engaging with, because I've blocked all the rest.

I'm honestly struggling to figure out why I'm so hated. I've only ever stood up for myself and for my friends. That's what friends do, isn't it? Stick up for each other? And sure, I've been unkind a couple times. It's human to not always be capable of rising above the shit that gets flung your way. But I don't know why that makes it okay to tell me that I'm so fat that I'm going to die, that people hope I die soon, that I must be ugly IRL which is why I'm clearly such a bitch, that I'm going to die alone with no one who cares about me, that I should be SA'ed, that I deserve to get beaten up and left for dead. I don't know why people want to say these things to me. I've never ever felt that strongly about someone, let alone angry enough to actually send them that kind of message. The worst message I've sent on here was actually to ewanmitchellcrumbs - spoiler, it's related to crackfics. All of those messages were cursed, lol. Who the fuck sends death threats on Tumblr anon?

That's on top of the constant vague-posting others do. I've been so offline that I barely check Tumblr, and it's not because I don't want to come back. I do. I just wish I wasn't slapped in the face by some new uprising of hate and toxicity every time I've tried. I'm paranoid. I don't know who to trust on here. I don't know who's being nice to my face and calling me shit behind my back. I don't know if people want me as a friend or think I have some sort of 'clout' they can piggyback off. To be clear, I don't. I doubt people care about any of my opinions, or my thoughts/feelings outside my writing. That's fine. I don't want to be a part of whatever cliquey shit people are always claiming there is. I don't know if people are talking about me when they're saying these things, because there's been one or two people I've fallen out with to go ahead and accuse me of it. I'm a person? Not a community? This isn't Mean Girls. I'm not Regina George. I'm not even Karen. The Plastics aren't real. I like what I like and who I like and it's just insane to me that there are people who think that's problematic. If they do, of course. Again, I'm really paranoid right now so dunno if people mean me by this or not. Point is, I don't know why people think others owe them engagement.

I can't keep doing the same thing over and over and wishing things would turn out differently. I think a certain scientist with frizzy hair said that's the definition of insanity. I'm tired of thinking I've found friends only to have them decide that I'm inherently unlikeable or worthless to them because I won't invest my all in promoting them like I'm a brand deal. I'm tired of people viewing this community like it's some sort of race to the top. I'm tired of the gaslighting. I'm tired of the insincerity. I'm tired of the rumours and the anons and the vent posts. I'm tired of people making sweeping statements about shit but never specifying anything, leaving everyone to wonder who the fuck is 'in' or 'out'.

I've been transparent on here. You can literally read accounts I wrote of ALL the quote-unquote "drama" I've been involved in. Who else can say the same? I'm not interested in hiding behind my words, or pointing my finger at the room but never at any ONE person, no, because who wants anyone to tell the truth ever? What you see is what you get with me. If I like you, I talk to you. If I don't, you've been blocked. Everyone else is neutral, either because of limited crossover or because we simply haven't had the chance to interact yet. There.

Anyway. I'm in a pretty negative headspace, but most of this has nothing to do with the people who read my stuff. Sorry if you followed for fic and got this. Yikes, right?

Dunno. This might be my last post for a while. This might be my last post ever. Or, this might be my return. I haven't decided yet. Hm. I'm feeling really bitter and alone and just ugh about fandom. Not writing, though. I want to write. Which is why I've decided that, if I do end up returning, I'm going to stick to my own bubble. Write fic. Post fic. Reblog gifs. Get out. Limit interaction outside my inbox where I can. Stick to fic. I've been burned too many damn times to do anything else.

So, yeah. That's what's on my mind, I think. Sorry if you were hoping for something a little less bleh.

Whatever I decide - for those of you that are following me, thank you. I've been so incredibly enriched by my experience here. I love HotD. I love my work. I'm proud. And I love you all.

#bit of a vent post honestly #soz #em writes stuff sometimes personal

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davilasinfiltro · 18 days

Text

Badboyhalo gets advice from Reddit

Bad panics after Skeppy releases Best Friend and decides to ask for relationship advice on Reddit because he doesn’t know who else to turn to

979 words

r/relationship_advice u/throwaway132166922

My (M29) best friend (M23) made a song about me and I don’t know how to feel about it.

I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I’m so paranoid about anyone finding out who I am but I frequent this subreddit a lot and can't find anyone who is in the same situation as me. I also don’t know who I can even talk to about this since we have a lot of mutual friends. If this gets too much traction I’m deleting it quickly, here goes nothing >_<

Here’s the context, me and my friend have known each other online for a while and have been friends for around 4 years (my friends poke fun that we have our ‘anniversary’ memorized but I digress.) We’ve half heartedly been making plans to meetup for the past few years. What can I say? I don’t like leaving the house and never really had the urge to meet any of my online friends. I’d argue that you could have a meaningful relationship with someone and never meet them irl. Anyways, I never took these conversations too seriously. I would always say I’m not ready yet, it’s too close to the holidays, who’s going to take care of my dog? The one time we did have concrete plans I was sick with covid and I had a long recovery. And we just never followed up with a reschedule.

I never knew how much this affected my friend until he wrote this sort of… rap and produced it with one of our mutual friends. He insults me, saying I have a massive ego, I’m a psycho, it’s my fault I made him ‘feel blue,’ and immediately backtracks and compliments me. There’s another lyric that says I’m pushing him away and if I’m hiding something? This part I have to quote verbatim because it’s the part I understand the least,

“I can’t really say my true intentions

It’s all just miscommunication

Please don’t take it the wrong way

I love you dude and I hope we’re okay”

And that’s how it ends. Meanwhile, I had no clue my friend was having this type of conflicting feelings about me. Or how much us meeting up meant to him. Yeah maybe we’d go from talking every day to messaging each other only semi frequently but that’s just the evolution of a friendship right? We were both getting busier as our respective careers became more time-consuming but that’s nobody’s fault, is it? I know I should apologize to him for never taking his requests for us to meetup too seriously but I think there’s something else under the surface.

Does he want to confess to me? I keep going back to that lyric, “I can’t really say my true intentions.” He’s pretty much ripped his heart out on this song but there’s /one/ thing he can’t say to me? Does it have to do with him wanting to preserve our friendship, that it’ll be strained in some way if he confesses? I don’t know what gives him that impression, a lot of our friends are lgbt+. Heck, a lot of them make jokes that we like each other already. Anyways, there shouldn’t be anything deterring him from confessing if that’s what he is trying to do. Or not trying to do.

Any advice is appreciated. I still haven’t said anything to him directly since he made that song.

u/amycat1203

Whatever you two have going on is gayer than any gay person I know irl

-> Reply u/throwaway132166922

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that -_-

u/justadudelmao

This is too outrageous to be fake, so I’m trying to take this seriously. It sounds like y’all have some shit to talk out in person. If the next message you send him isn’t a confirmation for a plane ticket you’re the problem

-> Reply u/throwaway132166922

If I travel to him it won’t be by plane, I have a phobia. But you’re right :/ I need to make it up to him soon if this is how he feels about us not meeting up

u/matchmakingismypassion

Maybe he has reason to believe you wouldn’t want him to confess to you. How do you react to the jokes your friends make about you together? Do you even reciprocate any possible romantic feelings to him?

->Reply u/throwaway132166922

It’s complicated, early on in our friendship he’d flirt with me as a troll and I’d always politely turn him down. I’ve known about him for so long, even before he was 18. I wasn’t comfortable indulging in this kind of joke. So even if he was 19 when he made these comments, he felt too young for me. He grew out of it and eventually we were inseparable as best friends, to the point that our mutual friends would tease us. Both of us would casually deny anything to our friends but honestly, I wouldn’t mind dating him if he made the first move. But you understand why I can’t make the first move, right?

->Reply u/matchmakingismypassion

To me it sounds like he shouldn’t make the first move either if all he’s ever heard from you is rejection. Especially if you can’t even make the effort to meetup, something he obviously wants from you. He made the song as a plea to start an open dialogue, and that starts with you bud.

u/skephalofan141414

EVERYONE. THIS STORY IS FAKE. This is some guy pretending to be Badboyhalo about the song Skeppy made called “Best Friend” on youtube. You’re a weirdo trying to karma farm off of a story that isn’t yours to tell

->Reply u/thisteaishotaf

Who??? Link please???

->Reply u/skephalofan141414

https://youtu.be/skDch34PtEM?si=Usxbm6LXisq9xWCD

->Reply u/thisteaishotaf

Why the fuck would his friend post this on a minecraft channel LMAO

#skephalo #skephalo fic #I wrote this a while ago I’m surprised it took me this long to post lol #badboyhalo #skeppy

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ineffectualdemon · 10 months

Text

In light of the Colleen Ballinger situation I want to offer my advice on keeping your kids safe online as a parent

DISCLAIMER: This works for my family with my child. YMMV as every child is different and has different development needs. This is just what we do that works for us

1. Start off by making it clear you're on your kids side by showing trust in them and making yourself safe to come to

This doesn't mean leaving your kids unsupervised or just taking what they say as face value. I mean telling them that you trust them you don't trust strangers on the internet and that's why you need to supervise

Back when my kid was going online and watching online content for the first time the rule was no headphones and in the room with us. But we always always explained that while we trusted Kiddo we did not know the adults online and they had to earn our trust.

Alongside that we have always always made it clear that if they come across something that makes them uncomfortable or someone messages them and makes them uncomfortable they can come to us and we will never be angry with them.

Even if they sought out content that they know they shouldn't or went on parts of the internet clearly not meant for children because they are curious. They will not be punished. We will have a discussion about choices and decisions and there may be consequences but no one will be angry and there will be no punishment. This has made Kiddo feel safe coming to me with stuff

2. If possible instead of outright banning explain why you don't approve of something

I believe banning stuff just makes sneaky kids.

Kiddo was, when they were much younger, watching a family channel. Not any of the famous ones but I was still uncomfortable after a few videos. So I said that which led to this conversation.

Kiddo: why?

Me: I feel like they are kinda exploiting their kids

Kiddo: but the kids seem to like making the videos

Me: yeah but this seems to be a full time thing. They make a LOT of videos and when do the kids get to rest? What about school? What about privacy? It just feels kinda icky to me and I think the parents should be prioritising letting their kids be kids

Kiddo finished watching the video they have paused when I started talking about and really thought about what I said. After that they chose not to watch that family anymore

I didn't tell them they couldn't and I didn't keep saying it. I explained my thoughts and let my kid process my argument and come to their own conclusion

3. Have an ongoing discussion about parasocial relationships and healthy boundaries

We have talked a lot about how we understand that watching a YouTubers especially feels like you're talking to a friend or that you have a relationship with them and are invested in their private life. Because it is much different and more intimate way of connecting with an audience

But they are not your friends and they don't know who you are. And that's not a bad thing but it is something you have to keep in mind when you're online. But I really think it helps to enter these discussions by understanding why it feels so personal

4. Warn them that online "challenges" have potential to be cover for something more nefarious

We told kiddo an edited version of this but comedian Katherine Ryan tells a story about how she got tricked into making inflation porn by some guy who told her it was for a radio contest

Taking part in challenges are risky not only for that reason but can also be physically dangerous (see: the cinnamon challenge)

5. Let them have as much privacy as possible while still being safe

My kid is now 14. We have rules in place for who they can talk to online (they need to know at least one person in irl and they can't DM anyone they haven't met face to face. We need to be aware of who they are chatting to and where online they are doing it)

We also have rules for what social media they can have and what they can post to it and who the can follow

But we don't go through their phone and read their messages

Because we have established trust and being a safe place with Kiddo they are very open with what's in their phone anyway. I don't have to snoop to find out about their life. The tell me shit

6. Remind them that the internet is forever and going viral isn't necessarily a good thing

I really recommend playing Rebecca Black's Friday for them and then play this video about how that impacted her:

youtube

And then have a discussion about how difficult and humiliating going through something like that could be (this is also good for teaching compassion)

So that's it!

That's all the advice I got at the moment. It's not perfect and I'm sure I've forgotten stuff but I really think it's important to establish as soon as you can that this isn't a power battle between you and your child where you don't trust them and suspect them. If you can lead from "I trust you, I just don't trust strangers on the internet and I have a job to protect you from sketchy strangers" then I think it makes the rest easier

But again I am not an expert I am just a parent and this is my experience

Is my kid still cooking? Yes

Does that mean you should take my advice with a heaping teaspoon of salt? Probably

But we're doing pretty good with Kiddo so it seems to be working atm. If it stops working I will update this and also change our direction

#internet safety #children #teenagers #parenting #my parenting #parenting advice #Youtube

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speedlimit15 · 2 months

Text

ik its silly and self centered but when i'm feeling paranoid i think every vague post is about me. even if i havent spoken to anyone or done anything besides reblog images or talk about how im feeling or what tv shows im watching. i feel like i'm not meeting some invisible criteria or even worse i've been stomping and pissing and shitting all over it. Like i shouldnt care at all if i know i didnt do anything, but what if i did and didnt realize it. what if everyone has been secretly or even openly laughing at me the whole time and laughing even harder when i'm distressed. like i vividly imagine ppl screenshotting my posts and sharing them and mocking me every time i type anything out. i can't get to a place in my head where the opinions of ppl i want to be friends with no longer matter.

i know this thought trap comes from this situation playing out over and over in my childhood and teen years both irl and online. at this point it's such an established pattern i'm convinced i'm doomed to be some sort of secret lolcow of everyone i admire forever, and that the people who admire me would hate me if i admitted this, and so on. i thought deleting my social medias one by one would help but in doing so i kind of cornered myself here. so i keep crocheting and thinking about current events and screaming as loud as i can in my head bc thats all i can do. lately my chest reallt hurts all the time. Umm sorry i know im pushing 30 but this stuff really isnt getting any easier and being in this room is making it a thousand times worse

#talking about my feeeeliiings

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nyacchiiatos · 6 months

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my issue with littlest pet shop: a world of our own

hi! as you can see i have a bone to pick with this show, but i'm going to be criticizing the overall premise rather than individual episodes (i can't bring myself to watch any). nothing exactly provoked me to post this, it's just something i felt like ranting about because i always found it pretty strange and sort of like a slap in the face towards those who liked the 2012 series. very long post incoming 😭

first of all, the entire concept of AWOOO (im going to refer to it as that because the title is way too annoying to type out each time) in context of lps' brand as a whole doesn't make sense. hasbro refers to it (in a backhanded way to jab at 2012) as "a pet-only world made by pets, for pets." this premise alone is contradictory to the entire lps brand. it's called littlest pet shop, not littlest animal universe. the 2012 show made this work by having an actual pet shop with a daycamp area like you would expect irl. yes, the show had humans which i agree sometimes took over a bit too much, but it's meant to be a city-based slice of life cartoon. the main cast are actual pets, they have owners, they have their own homes, like any pet irl would. that's... why they're called pets. whatever AWOOO was trying to achieve just completely defeats the purpose of a pet shop existing. i have no doubt in my mind that hasbro felt so inclined to sweep 2012 under the rug by rushing this half-assed reboot out as fast as they could to satiate all the "bring back the old lps" commenters. there was literally nowhere online you could view content of the 2012 series in ANY site, without the comments being FLOODED with "bring back the old lps." it got to a point where fans were borderline harassing the hasbro employees, recording themselves calling them on the phone for views and clout, and encouraging others to do the same. and guess what? it worked. instead of continuing working on the show while easily selling toys that fans were more in favor of, hasbro thought it would be a better idea to just completely abandon 2012 as a whole and then proceed to act like it never even existed. there was no good reason for them to not continue producing the show (iirc it had pretty good ratings and was one of the most popular hub shows next to mlp ofc) while also selling toys that would cater to both newer and older fans (granted they probably can't sell multiple generations at a time, but still). so ultimately, they hurried this little reboot to get it out there as fast as they could and passively shit on 2012 while talking about its premise. seriously? "no humans getting in the way anymore! we have a WHOLE NEW lps cast with no big headed humans named blythe or her ugly friends! no more communication barriers, because thats no fun! isnt this show just SO much better than 2012?" they were so ready to just throw the 2012 series and everything related to it in the trash. AWOOO was not made out of love and respect. it was made as a way for hasbro to try and get their fans back by proving just how much better this reboot was in such non-discrete manners. they thought of the quickest and easiest way to regain their audience and ran with it, without ever thinking about how it completely diminishes what all the previous generations stood for.

i was one of the very few people who loved the 2012 lps series since it premiered. being a child on the internet in the early 2010s definitely brought down my happiness when watching the show because of the overwhelming negative feedback it was getting along with the rebrand in general (something im VERY nostalgic for). regardless, i continued to tune in whenever it was on tv and i saw myself growing up with the characters. to say that this show had potential is an understatement. the producers intended to make more seasons and you just knew they wanted to keep it going (this was confirmed btw). they weren't in a hurry to get something better out there, until the "bring back the old lps"ers finally got their way. but honestly? it's not completely unheard of for large companies to eventually cave in to the public opinion if it means they'll make more profit. they were desperate, and it was definitely showing.

one of the things i have the most issues with is how hasbro proceeds to COMPLETELY ignore everything regarding the show nowadays. as some of you know the show's 10th anniversary was last november, which i and many people had participated in a large art collab to celebrate and honor the show's legacy. want to know what hasbro did to celebrate? nothing. absolutely nothing. what's even worse is that michael kopsa, the voice of roger, had passed away very shortly before the shows 10th anniversary. and guess what? complete silence. that's just incredibly disrespectful to be completely honest. someone who brought his best work to your show and others on the same network (if im remembering correctly at least) and was such a joy to be around, and this is how you thank him? not a single piece of acknowledgement, all because you're too scared to ever talk about 2012 again because of the scary older fans that persuaded you to pull the plug on the whole thing? you weren't even willing to make one little post offering your condolences? oh because you just can't ever mention that show ever again, it'll spark those negative comments just like before. and you've made it abundantly clear that you care more about profiting off these people than having some kind of self awareness.

i apologize that this got so heavy, i've always wanted to properly write down my honest thoughts about this whole thing because ive been unhappy with it for years and years now. if you like AWOOO, i don't care. i wont give you a hard time for liking it, because the show itself isnt inherently bad. just what went on behind it is what bothers me so much. the fact that hasbro can completely ignore their own creation for what... 7 years now? is beyond my comprehension. they can keep pretending it never existed, but small groups of people online have been rediscovering this show and remembering how much they loved it when they were younger. you had a good thing going here hasbro, it sucks that you had to completely abandon it. but i think i can speak for a few people that this show has always and will always hold a special place in my heart and my childhood memories. even if we can't get more from it, we shouldn't forget to appreciate and cherish what we did get. and nobody can take that away.

#long post #veryyy long post #holy shit?#i did NOT mean for this to get so sentimental lol??#lps 2012 is my special interest and you can see i am very passionate about it (it's the autism)#anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk #any lps 2012 likers out there reading this pls interact #we need to keep this community alive and thriving 🔥🔥🔥#lps 2012 #littlest pet shop #littlest pet shop 2012 #littlest pet shop: a world of our own #lps: awooo

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out-of-context-aro-ace · 1 year

Note

How would you describe platonic attraction? For reference I am aplatonic.

Thank you for the ask! Had to think a bit about this hehe

Till I did a bit of research about platonic attraction and the aplatonic identity, and thought about it, I wasn't sure if I was aplatonic too or not

For most of my life, I didn't have friends, didn't know how important friends were, and didn't know how to make friends

And of the people around me (read: classmates) they weren't my "type", so I didn't even imagine them as potential best friends

So I didn't really want to be friends with anyone irl in particular (except for 3 people ig but I didn't know how to go about that so we never became friends)

It was only when someone showed some kindness to me or someone else, or showed some interest in my interests, or I just thought they were cool, did I want to be friends with them, but didn't know how. I assumed the opposite gender one was a crush but thinking about romance icked me out so that was confusing

But even that isn't tried and true. Some people are kind but too loud and energetic for me so they don't unlock my platonic attraction. I can call them my friend to get my parents off my back and not make the "friend" feel bad. But I would rather be alone and we'll definitely never get to best friend level

I'd say platonic attraction is when you want to be friends with this one person and "get butterflies in your stomach" thinking about being friends some day

Maybe you like their energy or confidence. Maybe you like reading their fandom analyses. Maybe you love discussing a show with them even though you both have differing opinions, and your discussions are just playful banter of why X is better. Maybe you both joke around like you're fighting but it's over a very ridiculous or fictional thing.

And, because of that,

You want to give them book and show recommendations. You want to share a post or series you think they'd like. You found this perfect post of their fandom and you want to share it with them.

You're planning on what to get them as a birthday gift even though you don't know their birthday yet. You think you find the perfect gift or have the idea for one, but you don't wanna weird them out because you're not at that stage yet.

You can imagine the two of you being best friends, or best friends in that niche (i.e. Diff types of friends: an irl friend, a writeblr friend, an artblr friend, a fandom friend, etc)

I don't think I'm aplatonic anymore.

These are the feelings I have when I find someone I want to be friends with (not always all of them).

Sometimes, I want to be friends but they don't keep the convo going right so it stops right there. The platonic attraction dies out and then I don't mind if I become friends with them or not but I defo won't be able to give them the same amount of energy and effort.

Sometimes, I'll want to be friends with someone, or I'll already be friends with them, and I'll just be really excited to hang out with them. Each message of theirs puts a smile on my face and I can't wait to read it. I think that's platonic attraction.

You don't need to feel this way for everyone or all your friends, you can still be friends without experiencing platonic attraction, and, theoretically, you can not be aplatonic and still go life without finding anyone who you feel platonic attraction towards.

I know my irl platonic attraction is 0, except for those 3 people I mentioned above, but I haven't felt platonic attraction with irl people in years because no one's my type.

I'm using "type" because it's easier. What I mean is most people irl are too social/loud/overstimulating for me, don't share an interest with me, or don't match my energy or lack of it.

You could have your own standards. Or irl might not be the medium for you. Like, messages from my online friends can get overwhelming sometimes, but I can just go offline and/or reply later. I can find someone who shares an interest with me relatively easily, and sometimes they'll share my excitement in their replies and the friendship blossoms. Sometimes they don't and so I just stick to the questions I had for them and only message them when needed.

Theoretically, you could go your whole life without feeling platonic attraction because you just naturally make friends and/or don't have a reason to not be friends with everyone

I assume that if I was aplatonic, I wouldn't feel such strong feelings about being friends with people

TL;DR ig: imo platonic attraction is when just thinking about hanging out and being friends with the other person gets you excited and you actively want to try to be friends with them. But maybe you don't because you're shy or don't know how

#platonic attraction #aplatonic #friendship #my asks #my thoughts

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satteliteswaying · 1 month

Text

hello this is going to be venting,nothing extreme but honestly everyone should have the independence to decide whether to read or interact with this shit so I'd rather say it upfront rather than shove it down people's throats, mentions of prescription drug abuse,you've been warned, with love

Despite my current medication helping me tremendously, I still feel like there's an overwhelming amount to unpack. I feel like an onion, tear off a layer and there's just more and more shit underneath and it seems never ending lol. that's not to say my meds aren't helping me,they definitely are, but they're also bringing to light issues that I had unknowingly "put to the side" while I was suffering a lot more before these meds. I feel so lonely and yet I can't get close to anyone, no matter how hard I try, how many new people I meet, I just can't help but want to run away and distance myself from everyone because I start to think that they hate me or because I feel scared of them, unable to bring myself to talk to them. I don't even know what would help me at this point, I have one friend who I love being around, that I can be comfortable and 100% open with, but they're always busy,always unavailable, it's not their fault in any way of course, but I can't stand that the only person I feel a genuinely deep bond with is someone I see very rarely. I have tried so hard to meet people online and irl, and despite going through the motions, being as open as possible, being as kind as possible, I simply can't feel the same way around them as I do with him, there's just something different about him, we get along so well, he's a sweetheart, an angel who wouldn't hurt a fly, he's the person who makes me laugh the most in the world, the one person I'm not uncomfortable around irl, I fucking love him, platonically that is. I have tried so hard to broaden my horizons, meet new people, but it's like nothing can replace him, I'm tired of meeting new people irl or online, I don't want a large group of friends, I want one or two close ones, that's it, just people that care about me as much as I care about them, a lifelong friendship, marnie and me style, bridge to terrabithia style and many others I can't bring to mind.

I just want to feel as loved as the people I give my love to, they're such wonderful people, I try so hard to please them in any way I can, to be as kind and generous as I can be, respect every one of their boundaries, I'm trying to become the perfect friend but its clearly not working, and it's obviously not their fault but I feel lile I have no one else to turn to, I want a best friend, I want someone with whom I can discuss anything and everything, I want them to be happy to see me just as much as I'm happy to see them, I want to give my all to make them happy, I want to receive the love and care that I'm trying so hard to give. When these rare people I get close to aren't receptive, take distance from me then there's no one to blame but I feel like I'm in an impasse socially: Now what? try to meet new people? it won't feel the same, I'm way too picky about this shit, I feel the urge to run away as soon as I see one small thing that scares me within them.

The people I say this to often make the justified remark that the exclusivity and mutual care for one-another is often a motivator for others when trying to find a romantic partner but I don't want a romantic partner, friends are so much more important to me, being in a relationship was hard because of my asexuality and my huge fear of abandonment, I always need to run away,keep a distance. I need to find a friend, I don't know where, but one that considers me an important part of their life at least, I want a best friend, a lifelong brother/sister that I can always reach in times of need or when I want to simply talk with them, I'm just so tired of not being emotionally available unless with certain people, I'm tired of feeling like everyone hates,avoids, and will abandon me, I try so hard to be a good person in my daily life, I try to make people smile at my work, to cheer them up, to be a ray of sunshine, it makes me feel good but as soon as I'm not working or serving people, that I'm now alone or have free time, I just feel such a crippling loneliness and boredom, I have lots of people to talk to but it simply *never* feels the same as him, no matter how hard i try to form meaningful bonds, the issue comes from within me. fuck this brain.

and then there's the whole aspect of gender envy, disliking my masculine characteristics but not exactly wanting 100% feminine characteristics, I'm tired of my body, only part I like is my face, that's a good start I suppose. just so tired of growing up with the fear of losing my effeminate qualities.

I'm gonna end this here because I'm too woozy and tired to keep writing, I'm so tired, absolutely not suicidal but heavily lonely, this isn't a cry for help per se, but I just can't stand living like this anymore. the only times I feel happy are when I'm working because it stops me from overthinking for a while, ignore my loneliness, feel like a good person

look,im tired, I won't keep writing, I might pass out any second but fuck I can't stand my mind working like this

sorry for this, I just needed to write it down, I can't talk about it with anyone around me irl, it's so tiring, I've made so many efforts and steps and yet the empty feeling won't subside, feels like I'll never find someone like Yann ever again and that we keep getting more and more distant because he's so busy and anxious, I love him so much, platonically, but I could give my life for him if it came to it, I just adore him so much

ok I'll stop now sorry, I'm not 100% conscious right now because of Xanax so if none of this makes sense ,hen I come back to reread this post I wouldn't be surprised

peace, love and happiness, to whoever is reading this, be a force of good in the world, even on a small scale, make a cashier smile, help the old people that can't carry their belongings, lend an ear to those who need one, etcetera

goodnight

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toomanyfandomsorkinafs · 9 months

Text

This is for you Bunny(I KNOW YOU SEE THIS, DONT LIE)

I have been collecting incorrect quotes from IRL, things online or my own self. Have at it. I have to many and I really want to share :D

“You know, I used to think that ** was a bad influence on you.”

*arm stuck in somewhere it shouldn’t be*“Oh?”

“Now I realize that you both influence each other to do equally stupid things.”

“What has the world come to?!”

“Depression.”

“You can't make everyone like you; you're not **.”

“What? Not everyone likes **.”

“Who doesn't like **?!”

“Uh”

***, gripping *'s shoulders with the intensity of a thousand burning suns “Names, *, now. GIVE ME THEIR NAMES”

**(female) struggling to to open something so asks ****(male) to help but **** can’t open it so they ask ***(female) to help and they open it

“See ****, you have to become more feminine”

“What-“

“Cause even with barely any nails or with long nails the girls can open it better then you!”

“What do we say to the universe when we’re having a bad day?”

“How dare you seek to inconvenience me. I have been through things that you can’t fathom.”

“Why does it feel like the world fights me in every turn!?”

“Eat good food, happy thoughts come soon”

“Where is **?!”

“At very time and moment that is illegal to share-“

Honestly doesn’t take much to confuse me. I’m just a simple lad.

“YOU'RE A MONSTER! I'm so proud.”

“WHAT is wrong with you. It is so attractive”

"We're not dating, but we're devoted toeach other, and get jealous if someone hits on the other, but we are just friends"

“i'll cut your throat open, that'll shut you up!"

"you're beautiful...”

“Seems like I touch a nerve”*touches their own broken nerve* “AAAAH-“

"** brought emotional trauma to a knife fight”

“How much longer are we going to wait?”

“Just... give it a few more minutes.”

* ** continues to forcefully push at a door that says pull on it*

“I just drove thru a rainbow” -*

“am I gay now?” -*

“a gay drive-thru?”-**

“Cheers!”

“To what?”

“To my most beautiful and amazing boyfriend/girlfriend!”

“Huh? What? Do you have another one?”

“By the power invested in me.. gay”

“This is the best financial decision I’ve ever made”

“What colour you want? Red or white?”

“Thats blue and gold.”

“OH- thats a mistake!”

“What colour are the balloons?”

“Red(white), green(gold), purple(blue)”

“I thought you were blind but turns out your blind and colourblind”

(Extra)

“What?”

“I literally just ask what was next.”

“Huh?!”

“Oh so you’re deaf, blind, stupid and colourblind!”

“Oh i forgot your deaf, blind, stupid and colourblind! What don’t you have?!”

“Colours.”

“**, what don’t you have?”

“Brains?”

“What is this?! Vomit green!?”

“It’s olive..”

“It a mistake, that’s what it is.”

“Are you excited for (school name)?”

“Why would I ever be excited about school?”

“In my defence, I was left unsupervised!”

“I think I’ll die actually. Let’s try it!”

“You have to upgrade from a bystander and become-“

“A bully!”

“What you got there?”

*Very dangerous person behind them* “A smoothie?”

“Ah, yeah, I’ve heard about that! Rates are crazy in the States, right?”

“I’m from Canada.”

“Oh.”

“** you don’t have to talk. I have to talk.”

“If you push me, I can push you back.”

“No. You can’t.”

*in the other room*“Can I come out?”

“You’re gay?!”

“No! I can out like that last year!”

“I am a mosaic of every person I have ever loved”

“You Know other men/woman/gays and didn’t tell me?!”

“So, how did you two meet?"

“...You know, we actually legally can't answer that."

“As a members of the high gay council, he is gay.”

“Shout out to (person), gotta be one of my favourite genders”

“We'll blow up that bridge when we come to it."

"Nothing is getting blown up, **."

"The bridge is!"

“Not with that attitude”

“Remember guys, pain is just weakness leaving the body”

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade, make life take them back.”

“Aw, he’s cute and stupid. I’m keeping him.”

“He- he almost killed like half of us with that shit!”

“Shush.”

“Hey ** do you know about the autistic monkeys?”

“Wha- *laughs* N-nO”

“Good.”

*laughs* “that’s so funny, the autistic monkeys”

“I said Arctic Monkeys”

“Oh- *laughs* Y-yEah, I know the band”

“What- I mean monkeys that live in the arctic”

“Oh- we were not on the same page for this entire conversation”

“I DID IT! I MADE HER/HIM CRY!”

“In another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you”

“I- thanks?”

“Who needs hygiene when you got cake?”

“Your horrible and I love you”

#incorrect quotes #i have to many #A lot of these happened irl #Some I got from friends #The rest are from stories/videos #The Autistic monkeys are me gaslighting my friends #Great memories

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acacia-may · 1 month

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Let’s pour some salt together, Acacia~!/lh 💖

If it’s not too much trouble, can I ask #7 generally, #10 for Fairy Tail and Black Clover, and finally #25 for Demon Slayer?

It’s several questions and a bit all over the pl s so I hope you don’t mind… 😅

Cheers, Erika! 🥂 Thanks for the chance to get a little bit salty about so many different things! ^^

Necessary disclaimer above the cut: These are just my own personal opinions based on my personal tastes, perceptions, and feelings regarding the series, stories, and characters and their relationships. I genuinely have the utmost respect and absolutely no ill will towards anyone who has a different opinion than me. In fact, I have always said that one of the greatest things about fandom is that we can all experience and perceive these amazing stories and characters in very different ways but still love them. Even some of my dearest fandom friends enjoy different pairings than me or see our shared favorite characters in wildly different ways than I do. I personally find it very rewarding to have respectful conversations about our differences of opinion, and I hope that my opinions will also be respected. Also, I don't vibe with just mindless bashing things, so even though this is about to get very salty and a little snarky, I'll try to keep it respectful and all in good fun. I am not tagging anything and am hiding my thoughts under the cut so you all don't have to be subjected to my hot takes and "Salty Acacia," if you don't want.

MAJOR Spoilers for Demon Slayer below the cut. You've been warned.

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

ATTACK ON TITAN/SNK. My sister says I need a swear jar because I can just rant for hours about how I was just so personally, viscerally disappointed with how that series ended (made all the worse because I had several years of investment in it). As a disclaimer, I still like my favorite characters and the side story "No Regrets" will always be **Chef's Kiss** but yeah...you could not pay me to watch or read it ever again.

But again, disclaimer, that's just me. It's my cousin's favorite anime of all time, and he loved the ending. Everyone's different.

As for anything else from fandoms I actually talk about...I'm not sure there is anything. Like everyone with an online presence, I have definitely been disturbed, appalled, and otherwise very upset by things I've seen on the internet, but that's what the block button is for (and I know it's all peace, love, & good vibes around here, but I block aggressively, actively, and unapologetically when the situation warrants it). As a general rule though, I try not to let what other people think get to me and ruin the things I love, and in that way, I don't think I have ever had a situation where something was just completely 100% ruined for me by a terrible fic, toxic fandom, or anon hatred ect. ect. I have certainly distanced myself from certain pairings and certain fandoms because of that, but I wouldn't say any of them have ever reached the level of "I can't stand it now." If anything, I sometimes feel a little contrary and dig my heels in on that thing in a petty revenge, "Well in that case, I'll just like this more" kind of way, if that makes sense?

All of that said, I have no patience for nasty, toxic fandom environments, and I stay away from those even if it's a media I really like i.e. you mentioned MHA in one of your salty asks...I wrote my one platonic friendship fic and got the hell outta there (nothing bad happened to me but it just wasn't worth it to take any chances). But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it in real life and sometimes talk about it with my sisters and irl friends. I just don't want to discuss it online. It's not worth the headache & drama.

I definitely get fandom fatigue sometimes where the aggressiveness and toxicity of the fans of a certain pairing or character I already don't like just intensifies my dislike for that thing. But that's really only ever happened with things I already don't like or don't have an opinion on at all, which I don't think that really fits the prompt here.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

Fairy Tail: The anime-only Celestial Spirit Arc by a landslide. It was so boring and had so many pacing issues. I literally fell asleep during it and didn't even both going back. I'm also super bitter towards that arc because my sister got so bored during it that she quit the anime (right before getting the best arc Tartaros). I keep begging her to pick it up again and just skip the stupid Celestial Spirit Arc but she swears she is a completionist and would never be able to do it. So yeah. Can't stand that one! The only positive thing I could remotely say about it was that Levy on the game show was kind of entertaining, but overall the whole arc was kind of just like a boring bizarre dream I'd like to forget about.

For arcs that appeared in both the anime and manga, I really didn't like that flute arc (which a google search has informed me is actually called the "Eisenwald Arc"). I'm glad we got Gray and Erza introduced as characters, but the arc had a lot of pacing issues and just went on for way too way, imo. They could've wrapped things up a lot faster, also I just didn't get the whole "evil flute" thing--it was really random and kind of bizarre (also not the most well thought out plan in the world). I will say this arc gets more points than the Celestial Spirit Arc because my sister and I had so much fun making Kokushibo flute jokes.

Black Clover: Gotta go with the anime only arc here too because again, it was boring and didn't have a lot of bearing on the series as a whole. It also felt like a major let down after the high stakes of the Elf Arc. Honestly just not a fan of that one.

If I had to pick a manga arc...uh...I honestly don't know. Maybe the Sosshi village arc? But only because I thought it was better in the anime where they really took the time to flesh out Magna's backstory. It felt more rushed in the manga, but I don't dislike it as much as that anime only one.

If I can pick a character arc, freaking FINRAL'S!! Like what happened here?! It was so, so good...until it wasn't. I JUST CAN'T WITH THE AMOUNT OF REGRESSION. It makes me want to beat my head against the wall even more than he is! But I think this was about story arcs, not characters arc so I'll refrain from ranting here.

25. Would you change the ending of Demon Slayer?

This is kind of a complicated one. My sister and I were just talking about this because she feels there was too much character death, but I feel it was a justified and appropriate amount for the high stakes of the series (even if it was devastating). So for the sake of this discussion, let's assume that the author had a "character death quota" (or a set number of characters who were going to be killed off by the end of the series). If that was the case, I would have axed Uzui at the end of the Entertainment District Arc and saved Genya in the final arc.

If there was a believable/reasonable way that Muichiro could have gone into god-mode and defeated Kokushibo without dying, I would have saved him too, having Uzui take his "death slot." Then I would have saved Genya by having Sanemi die to protect him (which would have been a much more satisfying ending to his arc, in my opinion).

As sad as the other deaths were (*weeps about ObaMitsu*) Muichiro and Genya were children. While it's realistic for them to die, it's especially tragic, and if I got to rewrite the ending, I would prioritize saving them.

Though to be perfectly fair, I would have been much happier with the ending if Uzui had died in the Entertainment District Arc and any of our heroes who died in the final battle survived instead. I'll forever be salty that Uzui of all people somehow managed to survive to the end when so many others did not, especially since his arc had already wrapped up and him dying in the Entertainment District would have been a satisfying conclusion to his story whereas so many other characters who did get axed had storylines that felt unfinished (Genya especially).

Also, Himejima should have played the flute at Kokushibo causing him to lose his cool in the infinity castle so much faster. I'm really upset this didn't happen. (Kidding but I would’ve loved to see him just go completely unhinged over the flute. I make way too many Kokushibo flute jokes…)

#salty acacia #salty asks #there will be no more tags #please don't hurt me

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endless-hourglass · 2 months

Text

i love (/sarc) how there's so little safe space for CDD systems.

Tumblr? Syscourse left and right, and if you don't like it? Might as well leave because half the time it's not fucking tagged.

Twitter? I don't know whats it's like on there and I don't even think I want to!

Tiktok? So rabid with fakeclaiming and drama it's genuinely unsafe.

YouTube? Any system who dare to have a channel is someone you can't search up withing a "[channel] fake proof" autofill or pages or videos calling out their every flaw

IRL? HAH good fuckin LUCK.

???

Personal venting below the cut

Tiktok and YouTube are the examples that make us sick to our stomach the hardest. Amnesia makes it hard to assume but I'm pretty sure online system spaces played a huge part in our so called "system reset" (a period of all previously existing alters dissociating themselves and their identities into fuckall until we could accept ourself again). We didn't have any space to exist as a system irl, so what could we find online? Even with the more casual system yt channels, ones that made us feel safe and seen as someone who can just live life, there's a suffocating weight in trying to watch them as everywhere around you is people trying to shove proof in your face of everyone malingering. Truth is, I've hardly ever watched these proof videos because idk it's...clear that most of the time those videos aren't for the community, they're ammunition suppliers.

Maybe you decide "YouTube feels too detattched from the community, maybe something like tiktok would be more engaging." Bitch the only difference is that you feel more personally involved and people aren't always going game theory on their fakeclaiming. Instead there's weekly drama, "system red flag lists", a restraining fear of being posted to hateful cringe sites for literally anything, and AGAIN hurt and hate everywhere you fucking turn!

And I know maybe I should just "touch grass and interact with REAL systems if I want community so badly", but please enlighten me as to how I, a minor-bodied undiagnosed system, am supposed to effectively achieve that. Not to say it's impossible to have irl system friends, but I have none currently and no way to actively seek them out. I shouldn't be denied community for the crime of wanting it.

And I fear that this post will be met with someone telling me I'm too young for online system spaces. First off, you don't know my exact age, you honestly in the grand scheme of things don't know anything about me. Secondly, I do have a good understanding of online safety as far as I can tell. Thirdly, you think I don't think about that? In fucking system spaces you think I don't carefully evaluate my participation and inclusion and stuff? I'm practically forced to if I want to keep my wits about me! Fourthly, as I just fucking said, I shouldn't be denied community for the crime of wanting it.

#traumagenic system #dissociative identity disorder #did system #syscourse mention #venting #Vent #Posting this to the main tags because I feel like that's something people will relate to. If that's a bad idea please inform me

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skaruresonic · 5 months

Note

You seem like a very cool friend to have, you have a bigger heart then I, I just can't tolerate death threats and wishes. Offcourse in politics you see it all the time, but people in politics have power over us and sometimes their decisions is a matter of life and death. It's different then someone being involved in comic books and games like flynn.

As someone who was bullied both irl and online, death treats trigger me. I had panic attacks over it. Strangers telling me to die because of how I looked or because of my Sonic opinion. It also made me lash out, and hurt me friends. Not excusing my behavior but I wasn't myself anymore. That's why my tolerance is zero to people like that. I'm just weaker or too sensitive.

I don't think I'm tolerating his behavior by forgiving him, per se. I'm saying, "I expect better of you because you are my friend and I am giving you a chance to Do Better." Because, bear in mind, my first reaction was to unfollow him. After giving it some thought, I realized it didn't really make sense to abruptly cut ties with someone I considered a friend because they said something fucked-up at 3 AM. IDW fans tend to cut ties with no explanation, and upon reflection, I asked myself, "Am I really doing any better if I react first and don't ask for context?" The disappointment I felt was because I'd held him to a higher standard; the reason I unfollowed was because of that. It wasn't like I cheerily condoned it or anything, I really was disappointed and told Random as much. We continue to be friends because he hasn't repeated the offense, but also because we just like each other as people. But, again, because I didn't broadcast my disappointment early enough for the public's liking, people assume I blithely tolerate death threats towards Flynn. I don't. You'd think folks would realize that by looking at how I abide by a strict no-contact policy. (Then again, they may just interpret that as an act of cowardice on my part, so who knows.)

That being said, anon, you shouldn't beat yourself up over your reactions to things no one should go through. That's like calling yourself weak or too sensitive for crying out in pain when somebody punches you in the face. Of course it's going to hurt; of course the natural reflex is to first yell "Ow!" and then "Hey, what the fuck?" People mocking you for doing either are only being sickening and also don't know how psychology works. We're not punching bags, we're people.

And the worst part is, they act like they act like you have a victim narrative, and then turn right around and paint themselves as victims of harassment because you… reblogged a post of theirs. On the Reblogging Site. Forgive me if I don't exactly feel sorry for you, you know?

I was once on Twitter. I can count the number of conversations I've had where people didn't twist my words on one hand. On Tumblr, at roughly the same time, I was receiving harassing asks attacking my character at least once a day. And that was on top of people in general sneering at Le Haters.

They mock us for being part of a clique, but honestly, I feel like my friends are the only ones keeping me sane through all this. At least they won't judge even if I go off the deep end. At least they know where I'm coming from. At least there's someone out there who knows this situation isn't fair or balanced and acknowledges that it's actually kind of fucked-up.

Of course, folks will say "You're only friends with Random because he agrees with you," which... paints a rather narrow and sad view of how they approach their online friendships, tbh. Do you require conformity of thought in your friendships, then?

Imagine months' worth of this. Imagine people attacking every angle of your character, from your intelligence, to your character, to your friendships, to your status as a Sonic fan, to your mental health, and then on top of that the majority of them proceeding to imply what you went through was invalid and didn't happen, and even if it did, that it didn't matter, at least not in comparison to what the people hurt by looking at your blog went through.

In other fandoms, we'd call that victim-blaming, but Sonic is a unique cesspit where a shocking amount of abuse apologia slips through the cracks:

This? Is fine in the mainstream's eyes. Because we "deserve" it somehow.

Legitimately I was afraid when I announced my mom's death online that they would mock me for it. And they did. And they didn't do that to just me, they pulled it with my friends' and their deceased loved ones, too, even when they hadn't said anything.

On Mother's Day, I received a nasty chain of reblogs mocking my mom's death and the language I'm studying, which is very important to me because it is our tribe's language and a language we nearly lost to residential school. I didn't grow up learning it, but I'm learning it as as an adult, filling that void.

What really put the nail in the coffin and made me decide to delete my second blog was when they said, quote, "Maybe she wouldn't have died if you weren't such a cunt."

My fears about being mocked online for it turned out to be entirely valid. Tbf, a few people backed off when they heard the news, but then you had shitheads who just wanted to stir the pot because haha isn't it funny to watch Le Hater suffer. (tw for parent death below)

Truth is, I harbor a great deal of guilt over her death because I had to watch her suffer for a long time at the hands of inept and sometimes abusive hospital staff and was unable to do anything about it. There were some cases where I might have exacerbated her suffering, such as when I cleaned the tub days before her death (with good intentions) and she slipped and cracked her head, got a hairline fracture in her skull on top of everything else.

I don't like thinking about it.

I feel like there's maybe some unprocessed trauma there in that I tend to think about it at least once a day, but I push it into the back of my mind. That's kind of what Natives do: we don't have the resources to deal with our trauma, so our solution is to just stop thinking about things that bother us, like closing a door in our minds. Out of sight, out of mind.

However, it's difficult to close certain doors when people keep trying to push them open. I can handle Not Thinking about That Particular Thing, but how can I avoid thinking about IDW discourse when people in this fandom are constantly reminding me of how I'll never be forgiven my heathen ways? And kicking sand in my face by saying I have a victim complex when I have pulled every stop possible to draw proper boundaries? What they really want is for you to shut up forever, and fuck that.

I won't say I've been perfect, either, but based on the way folks talk, you'd think we want Flynn homeless. And that's a degree of bad faith you just can't work with. You can't work with supercilious centrists who'll sneer "you're just as bad" when all you're doing is posting on your own blog, who act like you getting snarky in your blogging is the equivalent to being told your mother would still be alive if you weren't "such a cunt."

Again, you cannot win in a situation like this. The only solution is to walk away because it's clear they need an eternal scapegoat, and it seems nothing I can do or say will convince those whose minds are already turned against us that we're not terribad people.

#asks #death threat mention

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