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thewildomega · 3 years

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Broken but not Shattered Ch7

Grabbing his money, he decided against his jumper and since it was warm out he even left off his tie but still brought his cloak just incase Y/n got cold. After locking his trunk he made his way up to the Great Hall where he told Y/n he would meet her. Getting there however he didn't see her and furrowed his brows. He was sure he had told her to meet him here at four sharp and it was just that time. Perhaps she was running a bit late or...

"Sev?"

Stopping he turned to his left at the sound of her voice and when his eyes met her he felt his breath catch in his throat. She was in a dress... an actual dress. If he was correct it was called a sundress style with thin straps on her shoulders. The black cotton was flowy, ending a little above her knees. Walking closer to her he swallowed hard at the amount of skin the dress allowed him to see.

He was just starring at you, silently. You knew it wasn't what other girls would consider a date worthy dress but your mother had made it for you and it was the best you had. You had hesitated putting it on while getting ready, never thinking you could pull off dresses and as he stood there staring at you, you were becoming even more self conscious. Licking your lips you bit your lip and looked down. "I..is this okay?"

"It is ah.... you are wearing a dress..."

Tilting your head you furrowed your brows a bit... "Well... y..yes you said we were going on a date so I... I thought..." When it all became to much you closed your eyes and turned on heel, "I'm going to go change..."

Hearing this snapped him out of his trance. Quickly grabbing her wrist he pulled her back to him. "No." Licking his lips he looked down at her and watched her look up to him. "I like it... You look beautiful."

Blushing deeply you saw him give you a small smile before he stepped back some and held out his arm for you to take. Returning his smile you felt him lead you out of the school and towards the village. The two of you spent the walk there talking about the upcoming exams, Severus asking you what things you thought you needed to study the most for and promising to practice with you on those things.

Seeing her smiling at him so softly he knit his brows, "What?" When she shook her head he pushed again, "Tell me."

"You are still treating me the same, you are still pushing me to succeed, even knowing what I am."

"Did you think I would not?" he asked with a raised brow.

Shrugging you looked down to the path. "Omegas are thought to be unintelligent. Most don't even think we are capable of having an education."

"Like who?"

Tilting your head you took a deep breath. "Well my grandfather for one. There isn't many people who know about me Sev, other than my parents and brother the only other people in my family that know are my mom's parents, not even my mom's siblings or my cousins know."

"And your grandfather does not approve of your education?"

"No, not really. He's never said it to me per say but I heard him talking about me when me and Flint were eavesdropping." Looking back up and over the land you felt a small clenching in your chest at the memories. "He's old fashioned anyway, he doesn't think women should work, he hates that my mom helps my dad out at the bar but as for me... an omega... He thinks that I should have been kept at home, that I shouldn't have been allowed to go to school. I think he was partially worried about people finding out and the danger it would put me in and after Ilvermorny it just got worse but..."

"Wait, what happened to you at Ilvermorny?" She had told him before that she had had a problem with one of her teachers but that had been the end of it.

"I couldn't tell you the whole truth before, you understand that right?" Seeing him nod you gave a small grin before your free hand moved to your amulet. "There was a teacher, my Charms professor, Mr. Lyre.... I never really liked him all that much, no one did, he always made people feel uncomfortable..." Scrunching up your nose you shook your head. "Well last year I didn't have this Amulet to help me, I had to take this potion, this horrible, horrible potion."

"What potion?"

"I don't even think it has a name, all I know is that is was made to help repress all of the signs and traits of omegas. It's really old too. It isn't like this though, because this doesn't hurt, this doesn't make me feel like that made me feel." Knowing what he was about to ask you held on tighter to his arm. "Imagine if every time you felt excited or.. or had a thought or feeling that was just one of your instincts you would instantly have it ripped away. Then you would be left with this emptiness this completely off feeling that made you feel nauseous." Shaking your head you looked away, "I don't even want to think about it, point is it just sucks. There is absolutely nothing good about it other than the fact that no one knows what I am.... not even sure I knew what I was half the time because it made me so delusional. I never took it during summer break or when I was home but when I went to school I had too."

He didn't like knowing his love was subjected to that. "So what happened?"

"In a nut shell he gave me detention because he thought I was faking when the potion was making me feel sick, an it did, all the time. I tried telling him that I needed to go to the medical wing but he wouldn't let me.... I knew it was the potion wearing off, I always got light headed when I needed to take another dose. I can't remember everything, I know I was sitting in his classroom, it was late and he was close, too close. I think I passed out at one point because the next thing I know I was....I was in his private chambers and then... then I was somewhere I didn't even know.. I found out later it was his home."

He felt his whole body turn tense at that, felt a growl rumble in his chest and his teeth clench together.

"I was crying, terrified. He knew what I was and he... he was an alpha. To him I was no longer his student I was an unclaimed omega.... When he went to... I screamed for my dad and I don't know how but he heard me... sensed that I needed him. He showed up and ripped Mr. Lyre off of me. I have never seen my dad like that, he was so enraged. They started fighting and I wanted to help but my dad told me to stay away...."

When she had to stop to take a break he said nothing, only continued holding her arm and watching her face.

"He was going to kill him, Mr. Lyre. He had threw this dust at my dad, right in his eyes and he couldn't see... I heard him begin to use that curse and I panicked."

Seeing her eyes looking down he frowned. There was a clenching in his heart again and he knew she was getting upset, that this was becoming hard. "Y/n..."

You wanted him to know, he was your alpha, the boy you loved, he deserved to know. Glancing around you saw no one but still pulled him off of the path and over behind some trees. "You remember the other day at breakfast when you saw me light that letter on fire without using my wand, without even speaking?"

"Yes. You used wandless magic... it was amazing..."

Grinning you looked up to him. "Well it's a little more complex than that. Omegas are naturally frailer than both the other classes. Smaller, weaker but not defenseless. You see nature always has a way to try and level the playing field so Omegas have a better connection to certain elements... mine is fire." Holding up your hand you gave one last look around to make sure the both of you were truly alone before creating a ball of fire in your palm.

Looking at the flames in her hand he felt both his eyes go wide. Watching as she closed her hand to disperse the flame he looked up to her and saw her looking sad and guilt riven. Understanding now he opened and closed his mouth, "You... burnt him?" Seeing her nod but keep her eyes down he blinked. "How bad?"

"I was afraid and in pain... Scared. Before I knew what I was doing I had set the whole room on fire. My dad got me out of there and went back to Get Mr. Lyre but it was too late."

She had killed him... She had burnt him alive. Just staring at her he didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say at first.

"I..I didn't mean to.. I never intended for him to die, I just wanted to save my dad...."

Hear how shaky and soft her voice was along with feeling that clenching in his chest and seeing her shoulders curling up he quickly snapped into action. Wrapping his arm around her he pulled her to him and pet the back of her head as she laid her head on his chest. "Shhh. I understand, I know you would never hurt anyone on purpose." Feeling her nuzzle his chest he kissed the top of her head. The knowledge that that man had almost claimed her, that she had almost belonged to another made the alpha in him feel even more territorial.

Kissing her head again he took a deep breath before pulling away, placing his hand on the small of her back. Walking back onto the path he felt her lace her fingers with his and lean into his arm. Glancing down to her he felt the corner of his mouth tug upwards some, that warm feeling in his chest making him sigh softly. Nothing else was said as they made their way to Hogsmeade. She had seemed rather surprised to find out he was taking her to Madam Puddifoot's Tea shop. He himself had never been in the place but he had heard others talking about it being a ideal date spot.

Surprised by his choice you let him lead you to the grey stone building with the pink painted trim. Trying to see inside you saw the windows were all fogged up. Grinning up at him when he opened the door for you both to enter you felt your eyes go a bit wide at the inside of the place. It was so.... pink... frilly.

"Hello dears, pick any table you like."

Looking to the woman you gave a small grin and a nod before looking back up to Severus.

Inwardly groaning at how crowded it was he looked down to his female and sighed. Leading her over to the back table he heard as some of the other students whispered about the two of them both paid them no mind. They had been dealing with it for months now and while at first he was worried it would drive Y/n away from him, now that she was his claimed mate he no longer felt threatened.

Sitting in the chair when he pulled it out for you, you giggle lightly when his cheeks turned a bit pink at your comment of him being 'ever the gentleman'. Once he was sat in front of you noticed his shoulders still stiff looking and gave a smirk. "Wouldn't this style just look so cute all over a home?" Watching his eyes snap up from the menu to look at you, you managed to keep it together for a few seconds, the look of pure terror and disgust on his face too funny to pass up.

When she started laughing, her hand moving to cover her mouth in an attempt to not interrupt others he knew it had all been a jest and felt himself relax. "Our home will look absolutely nothing like this." he spoke as he looked back to the menu. When she remained quiet he glance back up to see her smiling softly at him before she looked down to her own menu.

'Our home.' The thought made you feel warm inside.

"Do you know what you would like?"

Quickly looking back up when Madam Puddifoot came over to take your order you glanced to Sev and then to her, "Um green tea please."

"And for you dear?"

She had ordered one of the cheapest teas. Licking his lips he looked down to the menu, calculating prices in his head. "Black tea and a slice of lemon cake."

"Alright luvs it will be right up."

Once they were left alone he reached across to take her hand in his, stroking the back of her hand with this thumb. "You never told me what your parents said... about us."

Tilting your head you grinned softly. "They weren't mad or anything... just kinda shocked... worried I guess."

"So they are okay with... with me?" he asked nervously.

"Well my mom said she is happy you are a Slytherin." you giggled and saw him grin some.

"And your father?" Noticing her biting her lip he felt doubt settling in.

"He.. ah... he had a few choice words that I will not repeat." Noticing him look down you gave his hand a squeeze. "He wants to meet you. They both do."

Snapping his eyes up he saw her serious. "They do?"

Nodding you smiled. "Yea, they invited you to come stay a week this summer.... if you want to that is."

Stunned he just blinked and then smiled. "Yes, that sounds great... so long as your father is not just getting me closer so he can kill me."

Laughing you saw him smile. "I'll be working at the bar of course but you can keep me company... maybe you can make Canyon leave me alone." you said with a roll of your eyes.

"Who is Canyon?"

"My brother's best friend. His little sister, Catalina, or Cat as we call her, is my brother's girlfriend. Don't get me wrong he's not a bad guy, he'd do anything for anyone he's just ahhh.. well you'll see."

Going to question more he snapped his mouth close when their order was being placed before them. Thanking the woman and paying he pushed small plate with the cake on it that she had placed before him across the table to his mate. Seeing her look up to him in confusion he only gave her a small grin and looked down to add cream to his tea, missing the way the Madam Puddifoot smiled at them.

Blinking you looked down to the cake and then up to him. Standing up you saw his eyes snap up and his brows dip. Scooting your chair over so that the two of you could sit beside each other you sat back down. Moving your tea in front of you while the cake plate was moved between you both so you could share you saw him look to you and gave him a small smile that he returned.

When a flash of light went off he stiffened. Seeing the beta woman standing there with a camera he went to question her when she was placing the picture she had taken on the table. With a simple wink she was walking away. Looking back to the picture as it finished developing he saw the both of them, the moving picture showing him looking up to her before the both of them were smiling at each other. Grinning he kissed the top of her head as she laid it on his shoulder. Cutting a piece of the cake with the fork he held it to her mouth.

................................

Running as fast as you could you heard one of the prefects yell for you to stop running but you paid him no mind. The clenching in your chest too strong for you to care about the rules. He needed you, your alpha needed you, you coudl feel it. Hurrying out of the halls and into the courtyard you made your way out into the grounds. Coming up on James and the others you saw them laughing and narrowed your eyes.

"Oh L/n you missed the show I am afraid, Could have saved you the disappointment." James laughed.

"What did you do? What did you do to him?" you growled.

"Well we just wanted to see what it was you saw in Snivellus that's all." Sirius chuckled..

Snapping your head to the right when another group of students started talking you heard them laughing about what James had done and when it finally clicked you felt that fire fill your veins. Without another thought you marched over to James and swung your fist through the air, landing a hard hit to his nose. Instantly your felt something in your hand crack but only bit down on your tongue, refusing to show them any weakness.

"AWHA!" Covering his nose with his hand he landed back on his ass in the grass.

"James!"

Feeling something wet cover his palm and leak from between his fingers he growled and glared up at the female from his cracked glasses. Pushing himself up to stand he hurried towards her.

"NO! NO! Put me down you asshole!" Thrashing in his hold you kicked your feet and tried wiggling out of his hold as he carried you somewhere.

Seeing his friend walking towards the lake he froze and furrowed his brows. "James... hey wait a minute." Sirius spoke.

"We tried to make you see, tried to give you the easy way out but you just continue to choose that pathetic worm. Well I'm done giving you a chance." The male spoke.

Understanding what he was going to do he felt his body clench up. "James no! Don't!"

Letting out a scream as you were thrown through the air you felt the shock as you landed in the cold water, your hip hitting one of the rocks hard. Shooting up you coughed up what little water had filled your airways and tried to swim towards shore. Grabbing hold of some of the rocks you felt your hand shoot with pain.

Looking down at the female he huffed out. "Go ahead, go to the future death eater but when he turns on you just like he did Evans don't expect us to take you in."

"W..why the hell would I ever want anything to do with bullies like you. All of you, you call Severus pathetic but you are all the ones that seek out others to put down to make yourselves feel powerful. In my book that makes you the pathetic ones and none of you will ever amount to anything." Watching him raise his wand you braced yourself but nothing ever happened.

"James that's enough. Leave her alone." Sirius told his best friend in a voice that held no waver. Seeing James look to him he kept his stare until finally the male lowered his wand.

"Let her go." James scoffed in a low voice.

"I could say the same thing to you." Sirius countered. Seeing him roll his eyes but walk away he gave the small female in the water one last look, his chest clenching before he turned and walked back to the castle with his friends.

Standing up you tried to wring out your clothes and hair as much as possible Pulling out your wand you found it broken and closed your eyes, "Daddy's gonna kill me." Shoving it back in your pocket you started walking in search of the boy you loved. You wondered what James meant by Severus turning on you like he did Lily?

Finally finding him out by the tree the both of you always sat under you stopped when you heard soft crying coming from him. Rounding the tree you saw him curled up on it's roots, his knees pulled up to his chest with his face buried in his arms. Seeing his shoulders shaking you felt a clenching in your heart and slowly moved closer to him. "Sev?"

Swallowing hard when he heard the soft voice of his mate he kept his face hid away in his arms, not wanting her to see him like this. Pathetic loser. "Go away." When he felt her place a hand on his back he tensed. "I said go away Y/n."

Sitting on your knees in front of him you moved to hug him, trying to keep from getting him wet with your clothes.

"Are you deaf I said go away. I don't want you here."

Stifling your trembling lip at his hurtful words you stayed where you were, refusing to let his words send you away. He didn't mean it, you knew he didn't. He was hurting. They had done this, embarrassed him beyond belief. Made him feel so alone. But he wasn't and you wouldn't allow him to feel that way. No he would always have you and you would show him as much.

When she continued hugging him he felt more sobs break out, his whole body shaking. "Why will you not just leave me alone?"

"Because I love you and I won't ever leave you." Feeling him cry more but not tell you to leave again you kissed his head. Laying your head on his shoulder you just sat there, continuing to hold him, reassure him that you weren't going anywhere. You didn't know how long had passed, your knees were sore but you ignored it.

Sniffling he wiped his eyes before lifting his head some. Peeking up from his arms he saw her own eyes open some to look at him, those alluring blue eyes that he could stare into forever. Swallowing hard he blinked and then closed his eyes when she reached out to brush back his hair. She never seemed bothered by his 'greasy' locks, always touching it whenever she got the chance. "You are wet."

Kissing his temple you hummed.

"Why are you wet?"

"Doesn't matter." you told him with a shake of your head.

Sitting up he noticed she was indeed completely wet, soaked even. "Tell me..."

"I ah... went for a swim."

Growling he saw her shoulders curl up some and took hold of her hand but instantly released it when she let out a pained whimper. Knitting his brows he gently grabbed her hand and brought it in front of her so he coudl see and when he did he frowned. The left side of her right hand was colored in a bruise and the pinky finger knuckle was sitting oddly. It was broken for sure. "What happened?"

Looking away you tried to pull your hand away but he held your wrist in a strong grip.

"Y/n?"

"I fell..."

"Do. Not. Lie. To. Me." he grit out. "You are wet and your hand is broken, what happened?"

Letting out a deep breath you closed your eyes. "I punched James then he threw me into the lake." you mumbled.

Growling deeply he went to stand but felt her pull him back down.

Quickly nuzzling his neck you held him tightly. You could practically feel the anger radiating off of him and as much as it frightened you, as much as the omega in you wanted to curl up and submit you wouldn't. You didn't want him to get in trouble because of you. "Don't bother with the likes of him. Don't drop to his level." you told your mate in a soft whisper.

Licking his lips he tried to push back these strong feelings inside of him. That Potter had humiliated him, made him so angry he had snapped at his best friend but what was even worse is that he had hurt his Y/n, he had hurt his omega. "I can not just let him get away with harming you."

Kissing his neck you breathed in his scent. "Yes you can because tomorrow it won't matter, tomorrow we are leaving and then it will be just us for a bit. And then in two more years we will be done with him and his heard of jackasses forever. Then it will be just us. Right?"

Taking a deep breath he pet her head. Brushing her wet hair back over her shoulder so he coudl stare at the proof that she was his forever. "Yes. Just us."

.................................

Grinning at the sad memory to the end of your fifth year you shivered a bit as the cold invaded your bones. Remembering that week of summer the both of you had had together though made the freezing of your limbs float to the back of your mind. He had been so worried, so nervous when you had taken him to your home. All which was for nothing as he was instantly accepted. Oh so many fond memories of that summer, A summer in which you wished you coudl go back to...

...............................

"And your parents know that Severus is coming do they not Y/n?" Dumbledore asked with a raised brow and saw the omega nod with a smile.

"Yes sir."

"Very well then." Leading the two teenagers to the open area he gave them both a smile. "A good summer to you both, we will see you both again soon." Going to turn away he remembered something and stopped. "Ah yes before I forget." Pulling it out of his robes he held the book out, "Here you are Severus. I will see what I else I can find over summer."

Taking the book he gave the headmaster a bow of his head. "Thank you Professor."

"Have a good summer as well sir." you told him. Walking towards the area where Dumbledore had led you both to you looked out to see the portkey there and smiled. Looking back to Severus you saw him looking to the thing with a raised brow. "What?"

"I know they can be anything but I was not expecting a rake."

Shrugging you gave him a grin. "Only thing Daddy had on hand at the time." Making sure your bag was tied tightly you looked to him and smiled, "Ready?"

"I have never traveled by portkey before."

Groaning you took his hand. "It's ah.... well let's just say I will be happy when I can Apparate. Now don't let go of my hand or the rake until we land okay?" Seeing him nod you reached out to take the rake and saw him do the same thing before the both of you were off.

It felt like there was a hook in his stomach yanking him all around. Feeling his hand on Y/n being tugged as well he tightened his hold. All too soon though they were slamming into the ground and he heard her groan. "That was terrible."

"Agreed." you grumbled. Letting out a heavy sigh you felt Severus pulling you up to stand. Dropping the rake for now you looked around and smiled. You were home.

Looking all around them he saw green hills and mountains in the distance. There were tons of trees and he even noticed what looked to be some sort of water in the distance. Seeing a home a little ways away in a clearing of trees he grinned. Overall he thought it was a beautiful sight, refreshing. "This is your home?"

Nodding you smiled. "Yep, this is it." Pointing to the cabin through the trees you saw him look that way, "That was my dad's parents home and then a little ways down the drive there is where Cat and Canyon's home is."

"Everything is so.... open and fresh feeling." he said and saw her smile. When she offered her hand he took it and walked with her towards her home. The closer he got the more detail he was able to take in. It looked to be of the cabin style with walls made of wood and stone. It wasn't a mansion per say but it was of nice size with a barn in the back along with a small farm from what he could see. "You have animals?"

"Oh yea, chickens and ducks, goats, and pigs... a turkey maybe, if my dad hasn't killed the hateful thing that is. I'll show you around later. Oh wait a..."

Hearing her give a loud whistle he stood beside her and watched as large cat jumped onto the porch railing, the thing had grey colored fur with patches of black and white. "A kneazle. You have a kneazle."

"Mmmhmm. This is Skitz." You told him as your pet quickly moved over beside you to start rubbing up against your hand, asking to be petted. "I've had him since I was five."

Holding his hand out to the cat he heard a low growl come from it and quickly pulled his hand back.

"Um he doesn't really like men all too much, don't take it personally he doesn't even like my dad and he's the one who buys his food."

Hearing a loud banging he snapped his eyes over to the large garden and saw a gnome running around.

"You are supposed to be taking care of that you know?"

Seeing her looking down at the kneazle who only looked to her with a bored expression he chuckled when it finally hopped down to go chase after the pest. Looking at the porch he noticed a swing that had cushions on it. There were painted handprints by the door, one large one at the top that he knew had to be her father's. below that was another big one but smaller than the first, the next two little ones made him smile softly, the thought of a little y/n making it. Watching her open the door he saw her look back to him and hold out her hand. Taking it he walked with her into the home.

The cabin look carried on into the home with wood floors and beams along the ceiling. The outer walls showed the same material from outside, stone and wood logs, while the inner walls looked to be made of plaster and painted a cream color that went well with the other colors of the wood and stone. Seeing as the door entered into the living room he saw a large couch along with a recliner and two end tables that didn't match the coffee table. There was a rug under the furniture and many books lined the shelves along the back wall beside pictures and such.

"Come on I'll give you the tour and then show you where you will be staying."

Nodding he followed her, he found the rest of the home to be just as cozy as the living room. Once he had seen the kitchen, dining room and glanced down the hall to where her parents room was he followed her up the stairs that were built in around the fireplace. Getting to the second floor he saw her point to one room, telling him that was her brother's room.

"This is the second floor bathroom." you told him, pointing to the open door. "You will be staying in here. Sorry it's not that big...."

Walking into the room he found it about the same size as his bedroom back at Spinner's End but more homey looking. The bed looked to be a full size with navy blue bedding. There was a dresser in the corner and a window that looked out over the land. Seeing a door he guessed it went to the closet and grinned as he looked back to her. "It is wonderful. Your entire home is." Seeing her smile he thought of something and knit his brows some. "Where is your room though?"

"Oh it's the next one down after the hall closet." Seeing him raise his brow and turn to walk out into the hall you felt your face heat up. "Wait.... no... Sev you don't need to see my room."

Walking down to the last door on the floor he grabbed the knob and went to open it but was stopped by his female. "I thought you were giving me the tour, does that not include your room dearest?"

"No."

"And why is that? Are you hiding something from me?"

"No I just ah... well maybe.... no Severus..."

Wrapping his arm around her he opened the door with his free hand and moved inside the room. Stepping into the room he saw the inner walls painted black with white dots on them, noticing some of them he smiled, constellations. There was a round rug on the floor with a crescent moon on it. The vanity on the right wall he noticed was also painted black with the same starry design on it. Books were stacks here and there on shelves and on the nightstand laid sketch books and a set of charcoals. The bed however was not your normal bed. It was pushed into the back corner of the room and there appeared to be purple and blue sheets of fabric hung up around it to block it off from the rest of the room. There was something else about it as well...

Watching him walk closer to your 'bed' you bit your lip and rubbed your arm, embarrassment and nervousness filling you. Looking down you slowly followed him.

Tilting his head he looked inside the little cave to see many pillows and other blankets lining the outer perimeter of the bed with the center holding a soft silver blanket that looked kind of like fur and a black silk blanket. When he breathed in he was hit with a light scent of what he knew was his omega.

Seeing his brows slightly knit together as he took it all in you breathed in deeply. When he reached inside you felt your body tense. "Sev wait."

There was clear desperation in her voice, not like the embarrassed, playful one before. This time she was serious and he froze. Looking back to her he saw her curled up some, her lip bitten harshly between her teeth. Feeling that off sensation he pulled his hand back and straightened up. "Y/n... what is it?"

Looking back to your sanctuary and then to his chest you took a deep breath. "M...my nest."

"Your... nest?" he questioned and saw her nod but still not look up to him. "I.. I do not unders...." he started but the sound of a door opening made him snap his mouth shut.

".... I told you it wasn't going to work!.... Whatever let's just..."

"Hey is Y/n/n already here?"

"Good question. Y/n?!"

Hearing the deep voice of a male he knew that had to be her father and felt his throat go dry.

Seeing Severus's body tense up you held back your giggle and took his hand. "Coming daddy!" Pulling him towards the door you got up on your tip toes to kiss his cheek, "Relax they are going to love you."

Nodding because he didn't trust his voice he swallowed hard as they started making their way down the stairs.

Tag List: @once-upon-an-imagine @dope-shit-bro

#severus snape #severus snape x reader #alpha severus snape #alpha severus snape x omega reader #alpha beta omega #Alpha x Omega #Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics #harry potter fanfiction #young snape #angst #fluff #snape fandom

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ramblings-of-a-mad-cat · 3 years

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Hey do you think Alistor got payed for the teaching Barty Jr did? How well do you think being a teacher pays? Why did Minerva ignore Ron's need for a new wand when he poor as shit but bought Harry a new broom? These questions plague me

I have no idea if Moody got paid the salary for the year he was supposed to spend in teaching. I've never thought about it before, but I like to assume that he did, because after the year he's had, he deserves some sort of compensation even if it was no one's fault. After all, had Crouch Junior never stumbled and exposed himself, Dumbledore was going to pay him the salary anyway, right? Assuming him to be Moody. So I'm sure Dumbledore didn't mind just giving him the money. In any case, I have no idea how much being a Professor pays, but I can't imagine it's especially high. Slughorn has a grumble or two under his breath about this, if memory serves. I mean, it makes sense. It's #TruthInTelevision, that teachers are underpaid. I suppose they do also get fed, and get a room, so those are some nice benefits...but still.

When it comes to Ron...oh my good friend, do not get me started. Because that's a very good point, on so many levels. How come Hogwarts, which is considered to be top tier magical education, has no spare wands that can go to students if something happens to theirs? Sure, they wouldn't work as well as a wand that chose the student, but it's better than nothing. Now, maybe the teachers consider this to be the student's responsibility, and figure that they can just write home to be sent a new one, and explain to their parents why they need one. But that could take a few days, assuming the student can even do this. Maybe they can't. I don't know how expensive wands are, relatively speaking. I think it's seven galleons, but how much is that? I'm a filthy American, so what would that be translated into dollars? Are the Weasleys really in such bad shape financially, that they can't afford a second wand for Ron? If so, why did they spend all of their lottery winnings on a trip to Egypt the very next year?

Then again...oh god, here I go, getting started. Ron has kind of always been given the short end of the stick, and this would just be another example of Harry being given special treatment, while Ron gets the opposite, from every adult on hand. Remember when the Horcrux called Ron the "least loved" by his mother? I'm not saying that Molly loved Ron any less, but it seems as though he felt like she did. The Dress Robes in GOF come to mind. You know what else does? The wand that Ron broke wasn't even his, it was Charlie's...Ron didn't get one because I guess they couldn't afford it...but hey, wasn't this the same year that Percy got an Owl for being made Prefect? Like, don't get me wrong, I love Percy. But are you freaking kidding me? An Owl is a luxury if you're a Hogwarts student, because they already have school owls. A wand is not a luxury, it is an essential. But Ron didn't even get his own until his third year, after having to spend a year without one. He is damn lucky that Dumbledore cancelled exams because otherwise, I don't think he would have passed. How could he?

#Ron Weasley #ron weasley defense squad #Weasley is our King #Harry Potter #Harry Potter Analysis #Molly Weasley #Alastor Moody

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unforth · 3 years

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So keeping in mind that I’ve literally already written a 40k Destiel fic inspired by Selena Gomez’s “Back to You,” today it came up on my play list and I started to think about ficcing it again, but this time Wangxian. It’s just such a ficcable song, I can’t even.

Like, a modern AU (set in the US) where Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were once dating, and Wei Wuxian started making friends with “the wrong sorts,” and so Lan Qiren forced Lan Wangji to dump him. They part ways for a few years.

Lan Wangji never really recovers, and he perfunctorily dates the people his uncle sets him up with, and his life kinda stalls...not that there’s anything wrong with it, just...it’s always the same, the same places, the same people, the same work, the same wake up time, the same daily routine, the same bedtime. Sometimes he’s not sure which he misses more - Wei Wuxian, or the disruption to his life that Wei Wuxian represents. He almost wishes that Wei Wuxian has gone as “bad” as Lan Qiren was so, so sure he would, because then it would be proof - that stepping outside the box is not the way to a good life, that Lan Wangji made the right choices even if he’s not happy with them, that kind of thing.

Wei Wuxian also never really recovers, but instead of letting it get him down, he’s even more determined to prove that he’s so much more than what snobs like Lan Qiren thought of him - and so are the friends he made, who are of course Wen Qing and Wen Ning. They also have really had a tough time, with a lot of people assuming the worst about them because of their family connections. The three make a pact together - to succeed, no matter what it takes, and to help each other whenever one of them starts to struggle. And it works. Though they’re a little behind their peers - they all go to college, and they all finish their degrees, they all get advanced ones. Wen Qing becomes a doctor. Wei Wuxian becomes an engineer. Wen Ning becomes a vet. They get respectable jobs, if poorly paid because that’s the economy in 2020s USA, and they’re slowly building lives for themselves. No one from the circles his adopted family move in will associate with him anyway - he got kicked out for some of his youthful shenanigans, and though he’s in touch with his siblings, his “parents” won’t acknowledge him - but he doesn’t care. He knows he’s succeeding, no matter what they say about him.

(read more)

Though Lan Wangji never stops thinking about Wei Wuxian, he refuses to Google him or look him up. Fantasize about him? Yes. Wish his current SO was them? Yes. Occasionally scroll through Jiang Yanli’s friends list just to make sure Wei Wuxian is still there? Yes. But he doesn’t look him up, doesn’t friend him, doesn’t outreach. Why should he? Some regrets are normal, but he’s over it - he’s definitely over it.

Not that Wei Wuxian expected him to. Lan Wangji broke his heart, and it hurt - oh, it hurt so much, but Wei Wuxian is definitely over him. Who needs that asshole anyway? Wei Wuxian knows his worth, and he doesn’t need the affection of someone who cast him aside at the say so of his uncle. If he occasionally comes moaning Lan Wangji’s name...that’s a perfectly normal thing to do as regards someone Wei Wuxian hasn’t dated in a decade, right? Lan Wangji was, and presumably still is, hot as fuck, and Wei Wuxian has a healthy labido

Which is to say, neither of them is over it at all.

Still, their mutual pining might have never come to a head if not for Lan Wangji’s best friend - Jin Zixuan - getting engaged to Wei Wuxian’s sister Jiang Yanli.

And then, suddenly, after so many years, they’re in frequent contact again - helping with planning the wedding - and, well...

For Wei Wuxian, it’s infuriating. There’s Lan Wangji, still quiet, still distant, and sometimes when Wei Wuxian glances his way, he can swear that he caught Lan Wangji looking at him with resentment and regret, which - that’s some fucking bullshit right there, cause it’s not Wei Wuxian who ditched Lan Wangji, not Wei Wuxian who caved to family pressure. That’s all Lan Wangji - what’s Lan Wangji got to resent?

For Lan Wangji, it’s awful. Wei Wuxian is at least 8 times more gorgeous than Lan Wangji remembers him being, tall and lithe, his hair long, his affect casual. Despite the same air of nonchalance he always projected, though, now he’s like that but ALSO educated, successful, and self-made. Every bad thing Lan Qiren said would come to pass for Wei Wuxian is now proven a lie, and Lan Wangji feels wretched about it. Even worse, Wei Wuxian is clearly single - and “ready to mingle,” as Lan Wangji believes the phrase goes. Literally anyone who breaths, of any gender, is apparently fair game, and Wei Wuxian flirts constantly, especially with members of Lan Wangji’s friends circle. Mo Xuanyu? The poor guy never knew what hit him. Lan Jingyi? Is like eight years to young for Wei Wuxian, but that doesn’t stop him. Ouyang Zizhen? Lan Wangji is pretty sure Wei Wuxian doesn’t even know Zizhen’s name - or his age - but again, when did any reasonable objection ever stop Wei Wuxian? Luo Qingyang? She’s a lesbian for fucks sake, but she apparently doesn’t mind, and even flirts back, and Wei Wuxian is incorrigible.

Maybe Lan Qiren was right after all.

Wei Wuxian is determined to flaunt what Lan Wangji missed out on, loudly and publicly. Mo Xuanyu does make for a fun fling, and Lan Jingyi is a good kisser but they never get farther than that. Ouyang Zizhen is definitely too young - and he’s straight - but he laughs along when Wei Wuxian is outrageous, and they understand each other. And Luo Qingyang...Wei Wuxian suspects she knows exactly what the score is, and is maybe even helping him.

Helping him make Lan Wangji miserable, that is.

Wei Wuxian is definitely not looking to accomplish anything else.

Unless he can secure a Plus One to the wedding, ideally one who can join the wedding party and stand beside Wei Wuxian when he and Jiang Cheng give Jiang Yanli away.

Cause, oh, the look on Lan Wangji’s face, if he’s forced to spend the entire wedding facing Wei Wuxian and his date? Priceless, definitely.

Lan Wangji is determined to give Wei Wuxian the space to do...whatever it is Wei Wuxian is doing. Wei Wuxian always was a whirlwind, and Lan Wangji has never wanted to control him, never known how to keep up. Still, it galls to see Wei Wuxian flirting, and it hurts to see Wei Wuxian act indifferently towards him, and it aches to remember that, had things been different, Lan Wangji could have been on the receiving end of all those lovely, carefree smiles.

Rather than deal with the difficulty he has breathing whenever he’s in the same room as Wei Wuxian is in the room, Lan Wangji throws himself into the logistic planning of the final weeks leading up to the wedding. He coordinates vendors. He soothes ruffled feathers. He makes sure the caterers know literally everyone’s dietary preferences and restrictions. He works, and he works, and he works, and he tries to do nothing but work, but sometimes...

...Wen Qing will wander by, take over his spreadsheet, and tell him to go socialize...

...or Wen Ning will intercept the decoration Lan Wangji was moving, lift it surprisingly effortlessly, and tell Lan Wangji to join the main gathering...

...or Luo Qingyang will come and lecture him about how hiding is dumb and maybe he’d actually meet someone new if he tried.

As if Lan Wangji will get to meet someone new.

As if Lan Qiren will let Lan Wangji be with them, even if Lan Wangji did.

They’re trying to help, but he can’t figure out why. Wen Qing and Wen Ning especially are barely even his friends - but they’re closer to Wei Wuxian than anyone else in the world...Lan Wangji can’t fathom what they’re up to. If he didn’t know better, he’d almost think they were trying to get him back together with Wei Wuxian? Which makes him think they don’t know Wei Wuxian half as well as they think they do, cause there’s no way that Wei Wuxian wants that - no way that Wei Wuxian wants him. Lan Wangji had his chance. He gets that.

(But, oh, it’d be nice to believe, even for a minute, even for a single dinner party, that maybe that would be something Wei Wuxian would want.)

But that’s impossible.

So Wei Wuxian flirts shamelessly.

And Lan Wangji hides behind duty and a stoic facade.

And the day of the wedding approaches - they get through the rehearsal dinner, the bachelor and bachelorette parties, the hangovers the next morning, all of it...and then it’s time.

Lan Wangji knows he should be watching Jin Zixuan, dressed in full Chinese traditional garb for an utterly Western style wedding, but instead he can’t keep his eyes off the opposite wedding party. Luo Qingyang is maid of honor, in a chongseom that makes no sense as either traditional Chinese or modern Western - and Jiang Yanli insisted on her brothers standing at her side, and so Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian are both there.

In tuxedos.

A sharp contrast to the robes in muted colors that Jin Zixuan picked out for his wedding party.

And Jiang Cheng still has a look on his face like he stepped in something gross and is too dignified to wipe it off on the carpeting, but Wei Wuxian...oh, Wei Wuxian is so perfect, absolutely flawless, and his pleasure is so obviious and uninhibited. From the moment the tent flaps open and Jiang Fengmian walks his daughter, in full Phoenix robes and an elaborate golden head dress (a family heirloom, no less), Wei Wuxian only has eyes for his sister, and his joy for her is spectacular and makes Lan Wangji’s chest ache.

As the ceremony commences - Western secular, seriously, what, not that it’s a surprise, Lan Wangji helped plan it, but it’s still weird - Lan Wangji looses himself in the rhythm of non-religious liturgy and imagining that, had his life gone differently, how Wei Wuxian looks now might have been how he’d have looked on their wedding day.

He wants that so badly.

He so, so desperately wishes that could have been.

For once, Lan Wangji isn’t wrong about Wei Wuxian’s train of thought. He’s got eyes for no one but Jiang Yanli - well, and a small aside of imagining all the ways he’ll make Jin Zixuan regret ever being born, should he ever hurt her. The ceremony passes so quickly he’s amazed - usually he’s super impatient and antsy during events like this - but no, he’s fine, he’s fine, he’s fine, he’s...and then it’s over, and he glances to the groom’s party, and he realizes...Lan Wangji is staring at him.

Reflecting back over the ceremony...Lan Wangji has been staring at him the whole time?

And seriously - what the fuck is up with that? What had Wei Wuxian done wrong this time? Was it the tux? Lan Wangji coordinated the rental, if he’d objected to the Western attire, he had plenty of time to say something. Was it the way Wei Wuxian was rocking back on his heels? As if Jiang Yanli didn’t know Wei Wuxian couldn’t stand still - as if she’d ever hold that against him! His mind scrambles through explanations, each more ridiculous and rude than the last...no matter what the reason is, he’s sure that his existence offends Lan Wangji, as it also offended Lan Qiren. If it didn’t, why would Lan Wangji have treated him so indifferently since they re-met?

(It definitely isn’t because Wei Wuxian has intentionally kept him at arms length, oh no, this - whatever this is - is absolutely entirely Lan Wangji’s fault.)

Still, now that he’s aware of Lan Wangji’s condemnation, Wei Wuxian can’t stop thinking about it. It preoccupies him all through agonizingly dull hour of taking group photographs in various places in the picturesque garden, and all through the brief period he actually gets to spend during the passed platter part of the reception - hors d’ouevres to tide the guests over while the family and wedding parties do the pictures - and all through the achingly dull meal. The food is good, Wei Wuxian supposes. The wedding has been nice, Wei Wuxian supposes. Jiang Yanli is elated, Wei Wuxian knows, and he’s delighted for her, but...somehow, the joy has drained out of the evening.

Fucking Lan Wangji - can’t behave himself for one fucking evening, he’s even going to ruin this for Wei Wuxian.

Fuck it - as soon as the meal is over, and the first dances done, and the reception switches from staid social affair to open bar dance party, Wei Wuxian resolves to get sloshed as fast as humanly possible. Anything to stop him from thinking so damn much.

Lan Wangji is one of a handful of designated drivers amongst the people in his generation - he’s expecting to do at least three runs back to the hotel, starting with the bride and groom, then all the Jin half-siblings, then probably the Jiangs, judging by how they’re behaving so far, and then...he doesn’t know, but he suspects there’ll be others. Looking around as the evening grows later, the music louder, and the dancing more raucous, he tries to do a mental tally, and realizes...something is wrong.

No, nothing is wrong...someone is missing.

Where’s Wei Wuxian?

Confused, Lan Wangji looks around again. Wei Wuxian had been dancing - with his sister, with his brother in law, with Luo Qingyang, with Mo Xuanyu, with the folks a half-generation younger like Lan Jingyi, with anyone or anyone, by himself...but no...Luo Qingyang is dancing with Wen Qing, if “intense dance floor frottage” can be considered dancing...and Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli are dancing together, and Mo Xuanyu is flirting with some guy Lan Wangji doesn’t recognize, and the half-generation younger folks are teasing some poor Jiang junior, and Wei Wuxian has been exuberantly present for much of the evening, and now he’s just...gone.

As drunk as Wei Wuxian appeared to be, that can’t be good.

So, concerned - just that Wei Wuxian is drunk and might have tried something dumb, like driving home himself, or gotten lost on the way to the bathroom, or needed to throw up, not about anything else, Lan Wangji is definitely not concerned about Wei Wuxian in any other respect - Lan Wangji goes in search of Wei Wuxian.

He checks around the outside of the tent - nothing.

He checks inside the venue’s main building - nothing.

He checks the bathrooms - nothing.

He checks the parking lots - nothing, and of course Wei Wuxian didn’t take a vehicle, he didn’t drive himself.

He checks everywhere he can think, as the night grows later and darker and the party proceeds and the oldest, most staid guests start to say their goodbyes.

Finally, tired, out of ideas, and disinterested in returning to the loud bright heat of the tent, Lan Wangji goes for a walk through the manicured grounds. Even in the dark of night, the place the Jin-Jiang’s chose is lovely. Scattered decorative lights cast barely enough light to navigate the lanes and paths, aided by a full moon and the occasional flicker of a firefly. There’s a koi pond in the center - they took a lot of pictures there - and a few stone benches around it, so Lan Wangji meanders in that direction. He can still hear the party. He’ll know when they need him. He really needs some time to himself - it’s all been too much.

He tries not to think too hard about what “it” actually refers to in that thought.

Nothing Wei Wuxian does diffuses the empty feeling in his chest; every drink, he feels worse. Every dance, he feels more like he’s putting on an act. His friends were starting to notice - Luo Qingyang and Wen Qing had exchanged a look and then rounded on him like they were going to pin him down and force him to...or try to force him to...talk about his ~feelings~, and so Wei Wuxian fled into the gardens, found a bench where he could listen to the soft sussuration of flowing water somehow audible over the thump of the bass, and breathe.

It’s been a long time since Wei Wuxian felt like he could breathe.

He still doesn’t feel like he can breathe.

Which is ridiculous, he knows, and he’s in the process of going into extensive internal detail of why it’s ridiculous when a damn ghost steps into the clearing around the koi pond...

...no, not a ghost...it’s Lan Wangji, cheeks pale from how much time he spends in doors, robes nearly white when their pale blue is washed out by the moonlight, hair raven falling about his shoulders. His headband frames his noble brow, and his corsage rains a trail of vining flowers over one shoulder like some strange epaulette, and oh, he’s gorgeous, and Wei Wuxian recognizes, to his horror, in that instant...

...he’s never, ever, ever been over Lan Wangji, and he never will be...

...and he’ll never, ever, ever get to be with Lan Wangji. Like, ever.

Lan Wangji is staring at him.

Fuck Wei Wuxian’s life.

“I’ll just...go...” Wei Wuxian mumbles.

The statement hangs heavy in the night air as Wei Wuxian rises, straightens his tux, heads toward the pathway that Lan Wangji just entered from...and then stops.

Because Lan Wangji has grabbed his forearm.

“Oh come on, man - what the fuck?” Wei Wuxian demands, yanking his arm away. “Look, I get it, I’m your least favorite person - well, the wedding’s done, you’ll never have to see me again if you don’t want. Is that what you want? Would that finally make you happy?”

He’s breathing hard by the time he stops talking, and Lan Wangji is still staring at him, and Wei Wuxian wants to flee - not to the tent, but to...literally anywhere...anywhere that Lan Wangji isn’t...except he can’t make his legs work, and he can’t seem to move, and Lan Wangji won’t. stop. staring. and then Lan Wangji opens his mouth, and it seems to be in slow motion, and is he actually going to speak, holy shit, Lan Wangji hasn’t said a word to Wei Wuxian since he said, “good bye” ten years ago, and then of all the fucking things to come out of Lan Wangji’s mouth, all he says is,

��No.”

“Wha...why...ho...WHAT?”

“You asked, ‘is that what I want? Would that make me happy?’ The answer is no, Wei Ying. That is not what I want. That would not make me happy.”

“Oh. Well. Fucking good for you.” Wei Wuxian doesn’t even know what the fuck he’s saying. He doesn’t know what the fuck Lan Wangji is saying. All he knows is that being there hurts, and he’s so damn tired of hurting, and Lan Wangji already destroyed him once...

...and I’d give anything for five minutes with him, even if I know he’ll likely destroy me again...

“What do you want?” asks Lan Wangji, like he actually cares about the answer, and Wei Wuxian can only goggle at him, because he was so so incredibly clear about what he wanted ten years ago - he even fucking asked Lan Wangji to marry him, said, “I’ll do anything, conquer any challenge - we can make this life together, Lan Zhan,” and Lan Wangji had just said, “Good bye,” and now, now, Lan Wangji wants to know what Wei Wuxian wants? What gives him the right? What gives him the entitlement? What gives him the audacity?

What makes him think anything Wei Wuxian wants has changed?

But Wei Wuxian can’t say that, can he...?

The silence stretches out between them.

Neither moves.

Neither speaks.

Fireflies flit around them.

Lan Wangji dreads Wei Wuxian answering, dreads him walking away, dreads losing this last precious moment they share, even though the tension of this moment is so awful that Lan Wangji fears it will break him.

“What would you say if...if I said that all I want...is all I’ve ever wanted?” whispers Wei Wuxian, like he’s terrified.

Lan Wangji has no idea why he’s terrified.

Lan Wangji has no idea what he means.

He asks with a raised brow, and Wei Wuxian laughs awkwardly. “Naw, I can’t do the ‘silent Lan act’ right now. Use your words, I’m fucking right out of here, okay?”

“I’m sorry. I’ll try.” It’s ludicrously hard, but...for Wei Wuxain, Lan Wangji will always try, always regret that he didn’t try harder when he should have. “I...don’t understand. You say...what you always wanted. A degree. A found family. Your siblings at your side. A pet rabbit. An apartment with a bidet. A signed copy of ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.’ There were many things you said you wanted. I’m afraid I’m unclear which you mean.”

“You...you remember all that dumb shit I said back then?” Wei Wuxian sounds astonished. How can Wei Wuxian sound astonished? How can Wei Wuxian believe Lan Wangji would have forgotten a minute of those wonderful days - the best of his life?

“Mn.”

“Well, none of that shit’s what I mean. Got most of it anyway. Bidets are awesome. But Lan Wangj...Lan Zhan...”

His name, said in that sweet voice, causes a tingle to go down Lan Wangji’s spine.

“...all I’ve ever wanted was you.”

Lan Wangji’s jaw drops.

“And you told me to fuck right out of your life when I asked for that, so...fuck, what am I even still doing here?”

“Kissing me.”

“Wha--”

Lan Wangji interrupts Wei Wuxian’s confused exclamation with action - grapping Wei Wuxian’s shoulders and pulling him into a kiss. It’s rude, and inappropriate, and consent - what consent? - and Wei Wuxian doesn’t reciprocate but...oh well. Lan Wangji has already ruined his love life. At least he can have one kiss to remember fondly, to cherish, to--

--and then Wei Wuxian has an arm around Lan Wangji’s shoulder, their bodies pressed together, their lips moving as one, and oh, it’s good - glorious - Lan Wangji could weep he’s so happy. They kiss, and kiss, and kiss, shifting in the moonlight, lost in their embrace. Lan Wangji is breathless and growing dizzy, but he’s terrified to put space between them - what if this is goodbye? What if it’s just Wei Wuxian flirting, like he flirts with everyone? What if...what if...what if...

But finally, they do part, and scantly, bodies still close, embrace still maintained, faces inches apart.

“What’s going on, Lan Zhan?” asks Wei Wuxian weakly.

“I kissed you.”

“Yeah...got that part...but why...?”

“I know I’ve no right to ask this...but would you try again? With me? With us? Would you--?”

Wei Wuxian is kissing him again before Lan Wangji can finish the question.

Wei Wuxian can’t believe that’s a real question Lan Wangji has to ask - as if Wei Wuxian wouldn’t have taken Lan Wangji back anytime, at the drop of a hat, over the past decade.

(Okay, that’s unfair...Wei Wuxian’s actually been a huge dick about it...he knows Lan Wangji had no independent living, and relied on his family, and Wei Wuxian was just some aimless jackass, and, and, and...but it still stung that Lan Wangji wouldn’t throw all cares to the wind to be with Wei Wuxian, as Wei Wuxian would have done - had done - to be with Lan Wangji.)

But it feels dumb to dwell on that when Lan Wangji is in his arms, kissing him so eagerly, asking if he’ll try again.

Because of fucking course Wei Wuxian will try again.

“I don’t know what that means, Wei Ying,” says Lan Wangji with obvious frustration.

Kiss.

“It means yes,” Wei Wuxian replies.

Kiss.

“Yes?”

Kiss.

“Yes.”

Kiss.

“Always?”

Kiss.

“If you’ll have me back...”

Kiss.

“As if I’d ever turn you down!”

Kiss.

“Already did once...”

Kiss.

“And regretted it endlessly.”

Kiss.

“Good. You deserved at least that much suffering.”

Kiss.

“Deserved it, and more.”

Kiss.

“I suppose I’ll forgive you, if...”

Kiss.

“Anything. Just tell me.”

Kiss.

Oh, Wei Wuxian has so many ideas, and he delights in teasing Lan Wangji with each and every one, whispered between husky breaths in to the cooling air, interrupting himself constantly to kiss, and kiss, and kiss.

They’re still making out by the koi pond when Wen Qing and Luo Qingyang come looking for the promised designated driver.

They don’t even consult - or consider interrupting - when they do find the two idiots locked in an embrace. As one, the ladies turn, exchange a silent, smug high-five, and pull out their phones to order Ubers.

They can pay for rides for the Bride and Groom and family members and other drunken party goers.

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian have a lot of catching up to do.

(and done)

(oops, this got long)

(and yes, this is absolutely a mash up of a modern AU with the lyrics to “Go Back to You” with a healthy dose of the plot of Jane Austen’s “Persuasion.”)

#unforth writes #the untamed #cql #mdzs #wangxian #modern au #background ships #idek here have a pile of words

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lunarthedragon · 4 years

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Blind!Jaskier Idea

I don’t think I’m going to write a proper fic about this but the idea just had to come out. If anyone feels inspired and wants to write it? Please be my guest!!! Otherwise, hope you enjoy my excited rambling.

So, Jaskier is born blind. His eyes are still blue, but they’re clouded and blank. His parents, being wealthy nobles, want to fix this and go in search of a mage, paying anything they can to find a fix for this.

Unfortunately, this is destiny’s will and no magic can fix the baby’s eyes.

Though, one mage, a bit eccentric, and very creative, offers a spell that will permanently enhance little Jaskier’s other senses. His parents accept, because it might be the best they can do, and the spell is cast.

And it works far better than anyone could ever imagine.

Jaskier’s hearing rivals that of a bat, his scent like a hounds, taste like a snake’s, and, if he focuses really hard, he can FEEL changes in the air.

At first he screams as a baby, the new senses like torture, but he is young and adaptable and soon he becomes used to it and grows up extra sensitive to the world around him.

He learns how to ignore stimuli that hurt and how to focus until he can taste a fresh-baked pie in the air one town over. He wears silks and soft clothing, anything scratchy too painful on his skin, and wears perfumes that gently ease his scent.

And he falls in love with the sweet, sweet sound of music and cannot get enough of it! Learns how to play many, many instruments through touch and sound alone because a lute isn’t enough to sate how the music makes his sensitive ears feel. Give him a drum. Give him a piano. Give him a harp. Give him a flute. The list goes on and on, but lute is definitely a favorite.

His journey takes him on a very similar one as canon (I’m basing it off Netflix btw) and he meets Geralt, can tell he is different by his scent, and that he doesn’t comment on his singing in Posada.

He follows Geralt like usual and it takes the Witcher a far longer time than he’d like to admit to realize the bard is blind.

(”There’s no such thing as devils.”

“Right, well, whatever it is I can hear it’s heartbeat just around that rock, behind the two rows of bushes, and 40 degrees up.”

“...How...?”

Jaskier proceeds to push his low-hanging bangs out of the way and wave his hand in front of his sightless eyes.)

Jaskier spots things before even Geralt does. Things that can be helpful. Things that aren’t at all. He knows when an attack is coming... but that doesn’t mean he knows how to dodge or fight back. He’s still pretty useless in that regard. And just because he can smell a kikimora from a mile away doesn’t mean he knows how to track it across the land in between.

Still, he turns out to be far more helpful in everyday endeavors than Geralt expected.

And Jaskier has the easiest time reading Geralt’s emotions.

Witchers have feelings, everything does, it is a reaction of the brain when presented with particular stimuli that will hopefully lead to a longer, happier life. It is survival. Witchers, however, learn how not to EXPRESS their feelings. Namely through facial features.

But Jaskier can’t see facial features. He listens to people’s hearts. Their breathing. The shift of their muscles. Readjusting feet on the ground. Smell of particularly powerful emotions on the air.

Geralt can’t hide those. He’s an open book to Jaskier. Even his fainter scents are loud and clear to Jaskier.

(Jaskier is also incredibly talented at telling when people are lying, thanks to these things.)

Geralt and Jaskier also, as they become closer through the years, use Jaskier’s blindness to their advantage in other ways.

Jaskier is 100% down with making people feel bad for him so he can get things. He’ll milk the fact he can’t see, pretend he’s constantly struggling, hold Geralt so he can “lead” him where he needs to go, and even when the Witcher is around people are still more willing to lessen the price of rooms or food or get Geralt paid more for his contracts.

Geralt, at first, hadn’t been sure about it, but then Jaskier began claiming Roach was emotional support for him to the stablehands, which ended up getting the horse even more spoiled than before.

Geralt changed his tune after that.

And Jaskier will joke about being blind. He’s comfortable with it. Think this kind of attitude.

(Geralt, without Cat, dead of night: Careful. It’s gotten dark out. Can’t see a thing.

Jaskier: Oh no. What a nightmare.

Geralt: ...Sorry...)

Jaskier is GREAT with memorization, too! He’s educated and a singer, but he can’t write or read and braille hasn’t been invented, so he has to memorize EVERYTHING. It’s great for studies, for working on songs, and for winning arguments!

He’ll memorize the shapes of things, too, for later. Memorize the layout of a room for if he feels like not paying too close attention. Memorize the shapes of people’s faces when they allow him to touch and feel and understand.

It takes a while for him to convince Geralt to let him feel his face, but eventually the Witcher relents. Jaskier is soft and gentle and reverent when he feels out Geralt’s features, marveling at his beauty, coming through his hair that he knows is “white” only because people have told him so.

(Edit: I did not realize this was not, actually, a thing, but instead imagine Jaskier pretending it is, because he totally would. “Oh, you sound so beautiful, may I map out your face? It is a common thing for those like myself to request.” “Sounds legit.”)

And that’s the only thing... He doesn’t know what colors are. And the only time he cares to look good is when he’s performing since it’s a pain to correct his hair when he can’t actually see it, or feel through his clothes for the doublet and trousers that have a veeeeeery particular threading on the sleeves and pant legs that tell him they are the same color because the person that sold them told him so.

So, usually, he still looks great because he’s Jaskier, but when he’s relaxing or in the wild his clothes don’t match and his hair is tussled and messy. (until Geralt begins fixing it, since Jaskier WILL take the time to comb out his white, long hair, make it perfect, and feel out how it should look while not doing it for himself.

“You deserve nice things, Geralt! I can’t even see my hair and nobody’s around, so who cares?”

“Hmm...” and he continues to fix the bard’s hair until he’s nearly purring.)

He still wants to know about colors, though, but no one can define them to him the way he needs.

Until Geralt, who realizes if a color is to be described to the bard, it has to be done using the other senses.

At first, all he can manage is “Red feels... hot. Yellow is... happy.” but Jaskier is still pleased by it and keeps asking, sightless eyes sparkling with excitement And Geralt vows to try a bit harder.

It’s the most he ever talks, explaining the part of the world that his bard can never experience, loving the way Jaskier leans towards him, even more than when he’s talking about a hunt, and memorizes every word.

It’s the most Geralt ever smiles, too, but Jaskier can’t see that.

#jaskier #geralt #geraskier #the witcher #the witcher netflix #geralt of rivia #blind!jaskier #blind jaskier #au #idea #free for anyone if they want #if you DO write something tag me? I'd super appreciate it #Or if there's already a fic let a girl know!#enjoy!

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rpmemesbyarat · 3 years

Conversation

RP meme from Werewolf: The Apocalypse "Kinfolk: Unsung Heroes" Introduction & Ch.1

"I have normal human fears and frailties, despite my faith."

"I’m terrified I won’t be there when they need me, that I won’t be able to give fully of myself to save them when the time comes. And the price of my failure, for them, would be too high."

"It was like nothing else mattered, nothing else could fill my eyes like the sight of him."

"Now, of course, I realize I was in shock at the time clammy skin, disorientation, that sort of thing."

"That night misted over my senses; even now, it seems more like a vivid dream than anything else."

"I had to watch. I couldn’t turn away."

"That night, I saw I had to protect him. He needed me, and it’s just as simple as that."

"Let’s just say what I know has come in handy."

"The best folks give the most of whatever they can."

"Think about it — would you like to go through childbirth every nine months from age 14 to 50?"

"We’re human beings, dammit!"

"I’ll always do anything I can to help, even if I’m royally pissed; I don’t expect thanks or money, either. But it would be nice to get some respect."

"I'm not alone in saying that I hate being patronized."

"Give an inch, they’ll take a mile" is what some of them think about us."

"The rhetoric a lot of them use sounds like the same crap bigots give when trying to “justify” why women and minorities shouldn’t have equal rights."

"Just once, I’d like to feel like an equal, a partner in all this."

"Ever think about how hard things would be without us?"

"I see by your scowl that doesn’t satisfy you."

"Think of it as normal family responsibilities, magnified a thousand times."

"It’s practically medieval!"

"I mean, it looks like such fun to turn into a wolf."

"There are connections like you wouldn’t believe. Completely outside the law, these people can get dirt on the opposition, perform b&e without leaving a trace and provide muscle no other boss can beat. All they ask is some capital, some boltholes and a little legal cover. Sweetest deal in the world!"

"What do I think about it? Imagine what it’d be like for someone to call you and say you’d missed out on a million dollars because you got one wrong number on the lottery ticket."

"Some are too caught up in the things of humans —chasing after money to have what advertisers insist they can’t do without, living their soap-opera lives and not seeing what the world is really all about. I pity them."

"There is sweeter revenge than death."

"I laugh with joy thinking how your heart will burst should you ever have to face him in battle."

"It’s a great honor to be who I am, who we are. But it’s scary, too."

"Families can quarrel, snarl and cut one another to the quick, but in times of trouble, they’ll stick together."

"God, Allah, Gaia, the Great Spirit or whoever gave us this job, so we have to do the best we can with it."

"Blood also fetters our lives in hatred as well as love, I’m afraid to say."

"I’m not saying this is a fact, but if she was abused, it might explain some things."

"I’m sorry, I can’t quite imagine a moment of sensual passion with someone I don’t love, much less hardly know!"

"In other words, it’s the connections that’re vital, not the money or the mileage."

"Many have wealth, but not all; lineage, not money, is most important."

"That’s a heavy price to pay in a harsh world."

"Self-sacrifice is also important."

"Sacrifice comes in terms of emotional costs, too."

"It’d be pretty stupid for me to become a gun-toting mercenary, for example."

"To put a positive spin on all this, I guess I’d say it’s nice to be needed."

"I admit I don’t really understand what it is or when it’ll be, but many’s the Irish tale where a small oversight wreaked terrible disaster."

"So I got online and made a few phone calls and tried to get the “truth” in as many forms as I could."

"The word “family” has come to mean a lot more things than the 1950s concept of mommy, daddy and two perfect children."

"Raising children is no bed of roses, either."

"Kids love to test their parents and see just how far they can push and still get away with it."

"There’s no way this could be easy."

"Some days, I have to bite my tongue, and that does get old."

"I was just too stupid and blind to see it."

"I always felt like I was split, alone, part of something I couldn’t name."

"Listen, you have no idea what it’s like to watch someone you love slowly lose her mind."

"There are some, well, bimbos."

"You know, the ones that like to control CEOs and topple careers."

"Here, try a piece of this chicken gizzard. I get ’em real cheap down at the butcher shop. No one else seems to want these extra parts. I grill ’em with a little barbecue sauce and honey mustard. Delicious! Thanksgiving’s always the best time, though. Then there’s turkey necks for the takin’!"

"Our families are pretty big, and we figure even the most distant cousin or friend of a friend’s part of the group."

"I’m sure you know, working with people all the time, how far thanks and a friendly smile go when you’re dead on your feet. It’s like the sun’s come out on a cloudy day."

"I mean, some of that stuff is long outdated!"

"It’s more a matter of belief and pureness of spirit, if you ask me."

"The Network also has a lot of splinter groups that organize among youth, educators, environmentalists and so on."

"We’re steadfast and steady, yet vibrant and alive, warriors, artists, writers, musicians beyond compare."

"I don’t know if we can save them, but we won’t give up."

"To be tested and accepted by the greatest warriors in the world — no greater honor can we ask for."

"Think of us as the tiny little parts that hold a machine together. Maybe it could function without us, but not without a lot of wear and tear on the system. You get my drift."

"If leader seems weak, I test him. He shows strength, I stop."

"They’re the ones who are causing all the problems by rebelling against the people in charge. They need to settle down and just be content with what they’ve got, if you want my opinion."

"Why should I worry? It’s a clear day. Traffic’s light, but walking’s fine. You get to see where you’re going. I’ll hit a little town ’fore dark and trade a song or story for some food and a piece of floor."

"Revolutions are intolerable and inexcusable."

"The aristocracy attained their positions for a reason, for only the most worthy were chosen to lead, after all. If the

lower classes overthrow the aristocrats, anarchy is the sure result. One need only look at history; Can the Russians truly say their lot improved after they murdered the Romanovs?"

"History has always been a beloved subject to me."

"I pity those souls, displaced by fortune, who are ignorant of their heritage. How can one know who he is without knowing where he comes from? A man — or woman — is the sum of all who came before."

"Money is not the issue; many great families lost their fortunes, yet retain their nobility."

"It’s a poor teacher who doesn’t learn from her student; in this way, the knowledge of both increases."

"Dreams, of course, are the pathways of our souls; here rest our secret desires, fears and hopes."

"You doubt me. You don’t speak against me, but I can see your heart is dubious."

"There’s no greater glory than to serve the destiny of the universe."

"The lacerations looked exactly like the work of sharp teeth, deep into his flesh."

"I won’t go s’far as to say there’s undying loyalty, but we do have a lot of respect for each other."

"Were I as capable as my ancestors, I’d kill you now and never spare a second thought."

"No atonement can replace those lost children."

"Thus far, we have been lucky, but it’s just a matter of time before someone we don’t want sneaks in. It’s not that I want to close ranks by any means; I just wish we paid a little closer attention to who came in from the cold."

"Yeah, yeah, I know you think we’re a dime a dozen. I’d like to believe we’re a little more special than most."

"We’ve built too much for a rotten apple to spoil it all."

"I don’t believe this guy; it seems almost too perfect to be true!"

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #roleplay memes #Werewolf the Apocalypse #wta #World Of Darkness #owod #kinfolk

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sunnysviolin · 3 years

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Kel and Aubrey going around interacting with people to learn about the different cultures everywhere as they travel, wearing cultural outfits, participating in cultural activities, just having an overall good time...

Would they be good at any cultural dances? Since they're traveling to Spain first, I can just imagine Aubrey in a flamenco dress with Kel as they just dance together and enjoy themselves (or maybe Kel wearing the dress- or maybe both of them wearing dresses-)

...I kinda wanna draw them dancing around together now.

-from a videogame-world traveling anon

nonnie.....nonnie wait....if you drew something we created together I would be SO EMO WAIT!!! No oh my god like my brain literally just exploded like art?? ART??? I wanna be able to draw so bad...but I can’t I just gotta continue on w my lil writing bits....here take some more writing bits nonnie

*Singing to myself* This got lonnng againnnn I’m putting itttt under a readdd moreeeee

Kel’s parents are....less than pleased to find out their son isn’t directly going to college like Hero did, and they make that known.

They don’t approve of his choice to take at least one gap year. They don’t approve of him not continuing his education. They don’t approve of him throwing away his life for that bad girl that spent so many years terrorizing him. Even two years after changing her ways, Aubrey is still regarded as a nuisance among the town old timers. Kel’s parents tell him plainly that they don’t approve of Aubrey, and they won’t be changing their mind.

Which leads to Kel having a minor breakdown and finally admitting what he’s known his whole life- that he will never be good enough to measure up to Hero, and he’s finally tired of trying to be someone he’s not. He isn’t Hero and he never will be, but for once he wants being Kel to be good enough.

Seeing their bright positive middle child finally crack under the weight they’ve been unintentionally laying on him is...it’s painful. Kel’s parents never meant to make it a competition between their sons, they just wanted what was best for both of them.

Having Kel sobbing at their dining room table at 3:00 am on the night of his high school graduation teaches them that they might not know what’s best for Kel after all.

So...yeah the talk the morning after that is filled with a lot of awkward pausing. Kel isn’t used to sharing his true feelings, and he isn’t used to exposing anything other than cheerful hope. Ultimately they come to an agreement. Kel can go with Aubrey, follow her and his heart on their crazy plan, but he has to spend the year before they leave working and earning and not just hanging around the house

That was Kel’s plan anyway, so he’s ecstatic. He calls Aubrey immediately after, and she comes over so they can plan things out together

That year before they leave is definitely not easy. They’re working multiple retail and menial labor jobs, spending 12-15 hours a day on their feet in steamy kitchens, being screamed at by rude customers, and delivering so. many. pizzas.

At some point in that year Aubrey and her mother have the inevitable fight that has been coming her whole life, and her mother kicks her out. Aubrey shows up in the middle of the night with her things next to her. Kel’s mother welcomes her inside and gets her a cup of tea. Kel wakes up and comes downstairs the next day to see his partner curled up asleep on the couch under a blanket his mother had just finished knitting

His mother doesn’t explain anything (”It’s her story dear not mine”) but after Aubrey comes to stay with them his parents warm to her quickly. Aubrey and Kel are allowed to share the room that Hero and he once shared, but they’re adamant that the beds stay on opposite sides

((He and Aubrey fit cramped but happy into his twin bed every night, but she always wakes up early to switch beds in order to be respectful to his parents wishes))

Soon enough its the afternoon before their journey is beginning (They decided to redeye to Sevilla). They have hostel confirmation numbers for a dozen different European countries, a thick binder of plans and itineraries, and a joint account that has a surprising amount of money in it.

Turns out working 15 hours a day, taking only your eight paid vacation days, and having all of your dates be creative free dates in the five hours a week you both have off together means that you are able to acquire quite the nest egg. Kel’s parents sit them down at the dining room table, and his father is shocked to see how this year has shaped Kel.

It’s a strange thing to see your son as an adult for the first time. It didn’t feel strange when it was Hero, he always expected it from Hero. Seeing it in Kel rocked him.

They drive the two young adults (calling them kids now feels...wrong) to the airport and make them promise to call and write daily.

There’s an undeniable energy and excitement as they board the plane. He and Aubrey breathe an audible sigh of relief. They shouldn’t, but they sleep on the plane. After a year of running, they’ve earned it

OKAY SO THAT WASN”T AT ALL WHAT YOU ASKED FOR....HERE HAVE DANCE LESSON HEADCANONS

Aubrey planned for everything, so she planned that they would need at least two days to recover when they finally got to Spain. The first two days are spent in a combo of sleeping and eating fantastic food and finally being able to spend a full night in bed together instea of sneaking unsuccessfully around Kel’s parents.

She splurged and got them a private room at their first hostel in Sevilla. It was more expensive, but ultimately so very very worth it.

But day three is when they start to explore. They finally venture off of the block around their hostel and began to deep dive into the tiny back paths of the city. They meet a nice handful of locals who invite them to breakfast the next morning (Kel’s spanish speaking skills are undeniably useful to them in this moment)

And that night...that night is the beginning of the wish fulfillment she’s waited for since she was five years old. A flamenco lesson that promises an authentic experience, real outfits, and a party for all involved at the end. Aubrey was frugal with accomodations, but she spared no expense when it came to the experiences. Especially this one.

Flamenco is traditionally a single dance with one woman, but she asked and Kel is allowed to come if he likes. The instructor in charge recognizes Aubrey from her call, and drags Kel over to where another man sits with a guitar. He and the man begin to converse in Spanish, and Kel seems to be rapidly making plans. He’s fine with only watching for tonight, this is her dream

Aubrey is thrust into a room with a bunch of other tourists, even a few from her own state, and a gaggle of women who work at the studio. They show her a row of gorgeous traditional dresses, an overwhelming rainbow of frills and explosions of color.

Aubrey has let her hair go back to it’s natural color by this point, and her long dark locks catch the eye of one of the instructors who pulls her over to a corner of the rack of dresses. The instructor winks at her and pulls out a dress. It’s perfect.

Kel is also having a fantastic time. He and the guitar player who’s name is Raphael are discussing guitar playing. Raphael wants to teach Kel to play himself so “He can play for his lady when she wants to dance for him again”

All conversation stops when Aubrey walks out.

The others are dolled up as well, but Kel only has eyes for his girl. Her dress is black, hugging to her waist and her body. As the ruffles of the dress begin on her arms and her legs, the dress goes from black to a striking bright red. Around her wrists and on her neck is bright gold jewlery, gleaming against her skin.

Aubrey’s dark hair is wrapped up in a bun with a series of pink to red carnations following the curve of her hair. Her lips are tinged with maroon lipstick.

Kel is left speechless. Aubrey asks him something and Kel just has to nod and try to catch his breath. The rest of the group giggle at their antics, and Aubrey rolls her eyes at him. She presses a kiss to his cheek, maroon imprint left in its wake, and then she is over with the other girls in front of the instructor.

Raphael begins to play at the instructors insistence

The dance lesson is fun. Even just watching Kel has fun. Aubrey normally has a hardness in her eyes, a tightness in her shoulders as if she’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Within minutes of the instructors careful praise and guidance Aubrey is loose and even giggling. Kel hasn’t heard a sound like that from her since they were children.

At the end the group performs the dance all together to a raucuous applause form Kel, Raphael, and the instructor. Then they all go to the patio behind the studio which has been decked out in warm golden lanterns with a table of food prepared.

Raphael begins to play again and the others mingle close to the food. Aubrey takes Kels hand and they go to a separate corner of the dance floor. They don’t dance in any particular way, just holding one another and rocking to the melody. Her hair has begun to come out of it’s tight bun, but her eyes are bright with happiness and she can’t manage to stop smiling

That night under the glow of the lanterns is the night they first say they love each other. It was a given, they already knew it, but those words are saccharine sweet against their lips as Kel holds Aubrey close to him and they spin while the music plays.

#videogame-world traveling anon #asks #anon #omori #omori headcanons #omori headcanon #i guess #omori au #world travel au #kelbrey #omori kel #omori aubrey #omori kels parents #This is cute #I love this sm

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thetomorrowshow · 4 years

Text

Slower Than Words Ch. 20

First - Previous - Next

Been a busy week! I’ll let you know if I need to slow down updates! So how about we visit Virgil, see what’s up with him?

cw: a n g s t, panic attack

Virgil couldn't move. Roman had helped him into bed, then sat in the room for a while, trying to talk to him. When Virgil didn't respond, he eventually left, stating that he would be back later.

His world was crashing down around him.

Could he believe that just yesterday, he'd smiled? He'd laughed? Now it was all background noise, mindless buzzing that felt totally inconsequential. There was only one thing that mattered now. Patton.

Therapy had been rough, and Virgil had expected it to be. What he hadn't expected was to go over every meaningful interaction he had with Patton. The doctor had said she was “doing some tests”, so Virgil struggled to keep himself together as he talked about the one person he missed most in the world.

Then, she'd had the audacity—she'd dared to—

Virgil took a deep breath, blood boiling as he remembered that it was she who encouraged these breathing exercises. What if he didn't want to calm down? He deserved to feel, remember, Patton needed him to—

Virgil's legs started quaking, but he paid it no mind. He could not be wrong, admitting he was wrong would be abandoning Patton, he couldn't do that, he wasn't dead, he wasn't gone, he'd always been there and always would.

His breathing quickened, coming in short, shallow breaths. His entire body was shaking, and Virgil nearly puked when he realized he could smell rubbing alcohol. He hadn't had a flashback all week, he'd been doing so well!

As if summoned, there were gentle fingers on his wrist. Calm, the fingers traced. It's okay. I'm here.

“Patton,” Virgil croaked. “I—I knew it, you're here, you're here, I knew it—”

V breathe slow. Safe.

Virgil got his breathing under control after a dozen rounds of exercises. His legs were still quivering, but he knew where he was. He was in his room, in Roman's house, and he was going to be okay, and Patton—

Virgil choked.

His own hand gripped his wrist. His own hand was tracing soothing words.

“She was right,” Virgil whispered. His mind frantically grasped at straws, trying to explain what had just happened, as Virgil felt an overwhelming amount of despair.

“Virgil, you talk a lot about Patton. In every instance you told me about, however, you never hear him. You can't see him. Based on your time alone at the beginning of your imprisonment, it seems unlikely that they would suddenly decide to move you into a room with another person.”

Virgil's body had been completely out of energy, lax and unable to move, but now he was stiff as a board, locked in place. It couldn't be. It couldn't.

“We haven't been able to find out what that book was, based on your description of it.”

No. No no no no no.

“And I've seen you trace words onto yourself, in times when you need comfort. An interesting coping habit, one that might appear when a person is locked in a room with no outside stimulation.”

Virgil sobbed, full on weeping as his body couldn't move. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be real.

And that was exactly the problem, wasn't it?

“Virgil, I think Patton may have been a hallucination that your brain fabricated in order to keep you comfort during the year that you were alone. I may be wrong, but everything you've told me about Patton points to it. Virgil, can you be absolutely certain that Patton was real?”

He'd said yes, he'd said that there was no other option. He'd stormed out of the office five minutes later. He'd refused to talk to Roman in the car. He'd gone straight to his room and curled up on top of his blankets.

Patton had to be real, didn't he? He couldn't have made up a person so complex, so loving, so wonderful. And, more realistically, he couldn't have created something so solid it had washed his clothes on days he felt too ill. Unless he'd imagined it. Anything was possible if it came from his head, wasn't it?

One part of him was screaming, begging him to not abandon his best friend. The other part of him was mourning the loss of Patton. Virgil wasn't sure what to do, torn this way. He had to be real. He was real—but was he? Where was the evidence?

The world was crumbling. Virgil choked on his tears, crying for Patton, crying for himself, crying for the loss he'd just suffered. Patton wasn't real, Patton had to be real, Patton couldn't be real.

Roman knocked on the door, asking cautiously if Virgil wanted to come down for dinner. Virgil pretended to not hear him, feigned sleep when Roman opened the door to look in. He buried his eyes in his pillow as he heard the door quietly shut, then Roman's footsteps retreating. He was alone, isolated, and the one person he'd truly loved had probably never even existed.

What was Virgil supposed to do?

“Dude, what does it say?”

A long silence. Virgil groaned. Apparently he'd gotten an email as well as a letter, but Roman had insisted on reading it to him. Screen-readers were 'too impersonal' now. It wasn't like he was going to get his information any other way.

“Virgil, I . . . I'm sorry.”

Virgil's heart dropped. Roman sounded lost for words, his voice cracking in the middle of the sentence. There was no way whatever the letter said was good news.

“You . . . you got in!”

In a shot of adrenaline, Virgil smacked him. Probably on the arm.

“Ow! That was my face, you heathen!”

Oops.

“Roman! Don't—why—” Virgil could barely speak. He'd gotten in? He was certain he wouldn't get in the first time, let alone twice . He got in!

“It's my job, as your adopted older brother!” Roman said, the false hurt completely gone from his tone. “I have to bully you a bit! You should've seen the look on your face, it was priceless!”

Virgil frowned, his heart still racing. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it a bit. “I'm . . . older than you?”

“Doesn't matter! I am, by proxy, older!”

Virgil snorted. “That makes no sense, dude.”

“Doesn't have to!” Roman proclaimed. Virgil could practically see him doing some dramatic arm thing. “I'm the older brother, and therefore, I don't have to make sense!”

Virgil tilted his head back in an approximation of rolling his eyes. According to Roman, it looked pretty creepy when he actually rolled his eyes, and it stung a little. Still, he would probably roll his eyes once he was around people who weren't Roman's parents.

He was really going back.

He sniffed, his nose burning. It had been so, so long. Had the campus changed? Would he be in a different dorm? Would he and Roman still share, since they were in different grades now?

He knew everything about their accessibility and whatever, about how they would accommodate disabled people. The school had actually reached out to him, informing him that he could finish his degree no problem, they had four or five visually impaired students already and could easily make it possible for him to continue his education. Virgil had been in contact with various foundations in order to work things out with his university, and he'd gotten a few scholarships—not to mention, the handful of scholarships he'd already had had gladly reinstated themselves. In fact, Virgil had pretty much already known that he'd be going back. There'd been very little room to doubt, as his therapist had told him several times.

This was real, though. Right there, in Roman's hands, was proof. He was allowed back, and would see teachers and classmates he hadn't seen in over a year. He was starting spring semester, which was still a few months away—Roman, despite his protests, had also put off starting his junior year until spring semester.

“Virge? Are . . . you okay?”

Virgil sniffed again, wiping his cheek to find a few tears there. “Yeah, I'm fine,” he said, with an attempt at a laugh. “I just . . . didn't think this would ever happen, y'know?”

Roman also laughed, albeit much more nervously. “With the way admissions was basically begging you to come back? Of course it happened!”

Neither of them acknowledged what Virgil really meant.

“So, packing?” Roman said, after several seconds of silence. “I know it's a while away, but is there anything specific you want to bring?”

With a pang, Virgil thought back to his hand-stitched hoodie. Hopefully it was bringing Patton as much comfort as it had always brought him. He'd had it for years, made it in Home Ec in high school. Until recently, he'd never been without it. It was bittersweet, in a way. Sure, it was gone, but it was with Patton. Like . . . like a piece of his heart would always be with Patton.

Virgil shook himself. That's stupid. And cheesy, he told himself. Grow up. Move on. He doesn't exist.

There was an ASL club on campus, one that Virgil planned on becoming a part of. Roman wanted to as well, making up something about having always wanted to learn sign, but Virgil knew it was just protectiveness. Virgil was pretty sure Roman had been about to rearrange his entire schedule so that they could have the same classes, despite the fact that Roman was a year ahead and in a different program of study. After a long evening of Virgil sitting in his room anxiously while Roman talked to his parents in the living room downstairs, Roman had come to the conclusion that it was best for him to continue with his intended major. Virgil was relieved—he was a grown adult, after all. He didn't really want someone trailing after him everywhere, insisting on helping him with every little thing.

Did he?

“Am I ready for this?” he wondered aloud. Roman gripped his shoulder tightly.

“I think so.” The words were soft, but no less powerful than Roman's usual loud tone. “You're so strong, Virgil. You're the strongest person I know.”

Virgil couldn't help but cringe. He knew someone much stronger. Whether that person was real or not was up for debate.

His most recent therapy sessions had involved a lot of tears, but Virgil had agreed to acknowledge that Patton might not exist. In turn, the doctor agreed to not make a formal assessment on Patton for the time being. It was still devastating, of course. It was still as if his entire world was falling apart. But Virgil was finding it easier to smile, more natural to joke with Roman.

He was healing.

Did he want to heal?

Yes, of course Virgil wanted to heal. He wanted to move on. He wanted to lead a normal life, without hurt and flashbacks and hallucinations.

But not without Patton.

There was a fork in the road approaching, Virgil was sure of it. He was going to have to choose between waiting for, hoping for Patton, and moving on. He wasn't sure what would happen when he reached that point.

But it scared him that he would have to make that decision alone.

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added/removed): @enragedbees @gotta-love-alejandra @bunny222 @basiic-emo @patt0n-sanders @rosiepupper @fangirlgeekandfreak @dn-fan21 @that2000skid @remy-the-lemon-berry @itsadastraperaspera @xionbean @sanderssides-angst @hell-yea-we-gay-tonight @maybedefinitely404 @broken-pencils @thewhimsicallibrarytech @doomllily @hereissananxiousmess @judyismydog @arodynamic-enby @at-that-one-nerd @therapysides

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songtoyou · 3 years

Text

Chapter 8: Wine Before Whiskey

Tolerate It

Paring: Modern!Tommy Shelby x Original Female Character

Story Rating: R (No minors should read this fic).

Word Count: 2,827

Warnings: None

Description: Tommy Shelby is the owner and CEO of Shelby Company Limited. Starting out as a Bookmaker, Tommy had big ideas to expand his riches. In the past ten years, the company has grown rapidly to expand its business ventures from bars to producing alcohol, manufacturing motor vehicle parts, and exporting. One of the richest men in Great Britain, Tommy Shelby, has it all. Unfortunately, the death of his wife, Grace, left the multi-millionaire mogul alone and depressed. He needed someone to fulfill his needs and deepest darkest desires.

A/N: I wanted Tommy and Rose to connect on a more personal level in this chapter. I wanted them to become comfortable with each other outside of the bedroom. I don’t want their relationship to be solely about sex.

I do not permit my work to be posted on any other site without my permission.

Tag list: @owenniasstars

Wine. A nice tall glass of wine. That is all Rose wanted to cap off the day. She decided not to respond to the text messages from her friends or mother. Rose was not in the mood to come up with some bullshit excuse for being photographed out with Tommy. Also, it was not their business, and she didn’t need to justify anything with an excuse.

With a glass of wine in hand, Rose sat on the couch in the living room with her feet up. As Rose flipped through the television, the front door opened and slammed shut.

When Rose saw Louis rush up the stairs, she called out to him, “Hey, Louis!” He ignored her. Sighing, Rose got up to follow her son upstairs.

“Louis,” she spoke through the door while knocking. “Is everything okay?” Still nothing. “Louis, honey, what is wrong? From the way you slammed the front door, you seem upset. Did something happen at school today?”

Louis opened his bedroom door to come face-to-face with his mother. “Did something happen at school today,” he said mockingly. “How about the fact that my mother was photographed out with a rumored gangster. Or the fact that some of my classmates are referring to you as one of Tommy Shelby’s whores. You know he has been rumored to date escorts mom. Did you not know when you first started seeing him? In fact, how did you even meet him in the first place?”

Shifting from one foot to the other, Rose looked down at the floor. She was too embarrassed to meet her son’s accusatory gaze. “All of that stuff, the rumors about Tommy, are just that, rumors.” Rose felt sick lying to her son. “And Tommy isn’t a gangster. He is a businessman.”

“That is not what I hear. There is a whole sub-Reddit about how he really earned his millions. I should show it to you. Maybe it would rethink your association with the man,” Louis rambled on. “How did you get introduced to him anyway? It isn’t like you both run in the same social circle.”

Rose sat down on the bed and drew her knees up. It was her way of buying time to formulate a believable response, or rather lie. Thankfully, she had already thought up different scenarios that would be the most believable.

“Do you remember that business trip I took with Linda back in March? It was to a conference up in Birmingham, the educators and practitioners conference,” she explained, which that part was actually the truth. She did go to a conference up north with her boss back in March. However, here comes the lie, “Well, Tommy was there as well. He just showed up unexpectedly. He wasn’t on the agenda, but he gave a speech, something about…I don’t know, I can’t remember. I wasn’t really paying attention. But it was at one of the social networking gatherings where I ran into him. We talked most of the night. He asked for my number, which I gave him, not thinking he would actually call. But we have been in contact for a while. It was only recently that we have gone on dates.” Again, all lies. Rose started to feel sick. She could feel bile began to rise in her throat.

Sighing, Louis folded his arms across his chest and leaned against his desk. He still wasn’t looking at his mother. “It’s all weird. You never really dated. Or not date so out in the open before.”

“Is one of the reasons why you’re upset with me dating is because of dad? Are you still hoping your dad and I get together?” Rose asked, concerned about what he would say. She wished Louis weren’t so hung up on the idea of her and Nick ending up together. It was never going to happen.

He only shrugged. “Is it so wrong that a kid would want their parents to be together?”

There wasn’t much she could say to that concept. “How about we get pizza for dinner, okay,” she suggested hoping to move on from the subject.

“Fine. I got homework to finish up,” said Louis defeated. The look on his face broke Rose’s heart.

“Alight. I’ll tell you when the pizza arrives. The usual?” she asked.

“The usual,” replied Louis nonchalantly while opening his school books and notebooks.

Rose left his room and walked down the stairs. She hated herself at that moment.

While Rose waited for the pizzas to arrive, she decided to send a quick text to Tommy.

As Tommy sat at his desk looking over contracts, it would be another late night at the office; he received Rose’s text.

Rose: Tommy, we need to talk. Can I stop by your office around 3 PM tomorrow?

The message took him by surprise. He wasn’t expecting to hear from Rose or for her to ask to meet up with him.

Tommy: Yes, you can stop by. However, instead of 3:00, let’s meet at 4:00.

His reply back was his way of maintaining control. He found it rather amusing that Rose felt comfortable requesting, or rather ordering, Tommy for a meeting. Tommy was tempted to ask what the meeting would be about but didn’t really think too much of it.

If the meeting turned out to be fruitless, he could end with Rose bent over his desk and punish her for wasting his precious time. The thought was already getting him hard.

Leaning back in his chair, Tommy began to rub his hardness through his pants. Taking his cock out of his pants, he began to stroke back and forth. As Tommy continued to stroke, he only thought of Rose, which was unusual. Whenever Tommy was pleasuring himself alone, he would always think of Grace. He would picture his wife on her knees or bent over his desk or taking her up against the wall. It was always Grace.

But now, Tommy was picturing Rose. He saw her face clearly in his head. He imagined Rose under his desk pleasuring him with her mouth and hands. He wanted Rose bent over on his desk, taking her from behind, on the floor, the conference table, against the wall, and the floor. Tommy began to realize he wanted Rose all of the time.

At that thought. Tommy soon began to worry about why Rose asked for a meeting out of the blue. He began to wonder if she was regretting their arrangement due to being in the press. However, Tommy told Rose that being in the press was likely, and she appeared to understand that fact. No, something must have alarmed her. He would find out what it was. He would get it out of her one way or another. Tommy wasn’t going to let her go that easy.

Friday! The day Father Time preferred to drag on and on. The hours on the clock appeared to move slower and slower, Rose noted. She was at work catching up on what she missed yesterday morning. It was the usual task; looking over budgets, setting up meetings, working on meeting agendas, finishing up the minutes from past meetings, and making sure the office was stocked with supplies. It was the same thing every day. Nothing changed, and the more she stayed at the job, the more fed up she became. Rose knew she needed to get out there and look for a better job. One that matched the college degree that she worked hard to obtain. A job that paid well where she would no longer have to be an escort to make a living.

However, the money Tommy was offering to Rose was better than any standard 9 to 5 job could offer.

When 3:15 finally rolled around, Rose gathered her belongings and headed to meet Tommy.

“Ms. Turner!” someone shouted at her.

Thankfully, Rose knew that voice. She turned around to see Isaiah with a megawatt smile, waving her over to his car.

“Let me guess, Tommy sent you to deliver me to him?” Rose questioned sarcastically. “And I told you to call me Rose.”

“Yes, he did, and yes, you did. Come on, we don’t want to be late,” Isaiah answered and opened the passenger door for Rose. She got in the car.

“You saw my son take the car this morning and let Tommy know, huh?”

“Yep,” was all Isaiah said and began to drive out of the College’s parking lot.

With the way Isaiah drove, he managed to make it to the building that held Tommy’s office in half of the time. He smoothly moved the car around the building’s underground parking garage.

“Okay, we are here. You can take the elevator to Tommy’s office,” he instructed and told Rose which floor to select.

“Thank you, Isaiah. I appreciate it. I figure Tommy is going to ask you to take me home?”

“That is to be determined. He might want to take you home himself. Have a nice evening, Rose. Take care,” said Isaiah and waved goodbye.

She selected the floor instructed by Isaiah and waited. Tommy was on the building’s top floor, so the elevator continuously stopped and let people on and off. When the elevator finally reached her destination, the doors opened. Rose only saw a few people pass by. There was no one at the front desk, so she stood by and waited until someone showed up.

Looking at her phone, it read 3:50. She still had ten minutes to spare. “Rose, hi. How are you?” She turned to see Andrew walk towards her.

“Andrew, hi. I’m good. You?”

“Same. Can I get you some coffee or tea?” he asked. “Mr. Shelby is finishing up a call at the moment. Please, have a seat.”

“Okay. Water would actually be great, thanks.”

Andrew managed to get Rose’s water before Tommy emerged from his office. However, he was not alone. He was followed by a very tall and lanky man with a full beard and similar hairstyle to Tommy, but longer on top.

“Arthur, continue to keep me posted on Changretta,” Rose heard Tommy whisper but pretended not to hear anything. She made it look like she was too preoccupied with her phone to notice the two men not far from her.

“Esme is working on it, Tom. She is having trouble with a few firewalls, or whatever she called them, but assures she can crack ’em,” Arthur shared. “Said she would get a file on your desk by Monday.”

“Okay, good. That is good. I’ll talk to you later, brother,” Tommy responded, patting Arthur’s back.

Arthur said his goodbye and left for the elevators. Tommy turned towards Rose.

“Rose,” he spoke to get her attention. He motioned with his hand for her to follow him into the office.

Closing the door behind him, Tommy told Rose to take a seat.

“Your text seemed rather…urgent,” Tommy began as he poured himself a whiskey. He offered on to Rose, but she declined. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, well…no, not really. I…uh…I don’t really know…” Rose began but was having trouble forming the words. “I don’t really…oh my God, it’s my son. He isn’t too keen on the idea of me ‘dating’ you. He saw the pictures. Apparently, some of the kids at school were making fun of him because of them. I have friends asking questions. Even my mom saw them, and I don’t talk to her at all. Everything has gotten out of hand. I mean, I wasn’t quite expecting this kind of outcome. It is a lot to take.”

Gulping down the whiskey, Tommy proceeded to pour another one for himself and one for Rose.

“Drink,” he ordered, handing Rose the glass that held the amber color liquid, which she took and gulped it down. She placed the now empty glass on Tommy’s desk. “Feel better?”

“Not really. Can I ask you something? It is kind of a personal question, but I’m asking you for some advice,” Rose asked and continued when Tommy gave her the go-ahead to proceed. “You have a kid yourself, a son. When I originally agreed to our deal, I never fully thought of the consequences that could occur. I didn’t think of how it would affect my child. To put it blankly, he is upset that I’m with you. It’s all about his stupid dad and wanting us to be together. So my question to you is, how do you go about lying to your child?”

Once again, Rose caught Tommy completely off guard with her question. That was not what he was expecting. The fact that she had the audacity to bring up his son didn’t even bother him as it would if it were anyone else. He was craving a cigarette at the moment. “My son, Charlie, spends most of his time at boarding school. He is only home on holidays and special occasions. When I have my son with me, he only wants to spend time with his cousins or me. He never really gave my ‘relationship’ with Lizzie much thought. To him, she was only daddy’s friend. Plus, the observation skills of an eight-year-old doesn’t quite compare to the observation skills of a sixteen-year-old.”

Tommy had a point, Rose thought. She motioned to him if she could refill her glass of whiskey. With Tommy’s go-ahead, she got up and poured herself a drink. This time Rose took small and sat back down.

Taking in a deep breath, Rose mentioned, “You’re lucky. It is so much easier when your kid is younger. They don’t ask so many questions or notice things that don’t add up. You can tell them pretty much anything, and they’d believe you. But when your kid gets older, prepare yourself for the questions he will no doubt ask.”

She looked up when Tommy sighed. He was leaning in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. “Charlie turned eight back in February. He is beginning to ask me questions about his mother, like where she was from and if we can visit the town, how we met, what made me attracted to her, all that stuff. The one question that scares me…” Tommy began, but Rose could sense hesitation.

“He’s going to ask why did mummy have to die?” Rose finished for him. Tommy only nodded his head. “I don’t envy you on that part.”

Quite soon filled the office as Tommy and Rose sat in silence and sipping down whiskey. “Who was that guy that in here earlier?” Rose asked to kill the silence.

“That was my older brother, Arthur,” Tommy answered. “He and my younger brother, John, both own a couple of bars and clubs around England. They have been working on a new line of Peaky Blinders Vodka to go with our whiskey and gin brand.”

“You really dabble in everything, don’t you. Where do you go from here?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I should try my hand at politics, eh. An MP to go with my OBE” teased Tommy with an exceedingly rare boyish grin on his face. Rose noticed that Tommy’s smile was rather sweet and brightened his facial features. “Yeah, that is exactly what my family needs is me in politics.”

Rose softly scoffed, “I don’t think we need any more millionaires in politics, no offense.”

“No offense taken,” Tommy chuckled and downed his drink. He got up to grab his jacket and swung it on. He took Rose’s glass and finished it for her. “Come on, let’s go.”

Tommy grabbed Rose’s hand and pulled her up from the chair. “Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you to dinner. We can talk more there,” Tommy proposed and guided Rose out of the office.

“I won’t be able to stay the night if that is what you were considering,” she stated while in the elevator.

“Not what I was considering,” uttered Tommy, honestly. He put his hands on Rose’s shoulder and turned her to face him. “Only dinner.”

“Only dinner?”

“Nothing more, nothing less,” Tommy replied, placing a soft kiss on Rose’s lips. He entwined his hand in Rose’s and walked her to his car.

He took Rose to Bar 61, London’s most famous Spanish tapas restaurant. When they were seated, Rose liked the relaxed and upbeat charm of the establishment. She was surprised that Tommy chose the place since it was more family-friendly rather than high-end/upscale. But the man before her was always full of surprises. They sat in a more secluded area of the restaurant where they wouldn’t be disturbed.

Tommy ordered a bottle of wine for them to share. He raised his glass for a toast. “What are we toasting?” Rose asked with a smile.

“How about to good health and new friends,” Tommy suggested and clinked his glass with Rose’s.

“And to new adventures,” Rose added, now with a sly smile on her face.

“To new adventures,” Tommy repeated, and they clinked their glass again.

#tommy shelby #tommy shelby x oc #peaky blinders #peaky blinders fic

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mandoalorian · 4 years

Text

What the Pedro boys are like at college

This is my first time doing one of these so please be nice! Yep, TUWOMT isn’t out yet but I have read the script and I have written for Javi Gutierrez here. If you don’t want spoilers, maybe don’t read his scenario. I’ve made it so Javi’s is the last one so you can skip over it easily. I write for all the main Pedro characters! These include:

· Din Djarin – The Mandalorian

· Javier Pena – Narcos

· Frankie Morales – Triple Frontier

· Maxwell Lord – Wonder Woman 1984

· Jack Daniels: Kingsman: The Golden Circle

· Oberyn Martell: Game of Thrones

· Dave York: The Equalizer 2

· Pero Tovar – The Great Wall

· Ezra Prospect – Prospect

· Marcus Pike – The Mentalist

· Max Phillips – Bloodsucking Bastards

· Dio – NYPD Blue

· Javi Gutierrez – The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

· I DO NOT WRITE FOR PEDRO PASCAL.

Please please request a ‘Pedro boy’ scenario HERE. You can also request for me to write a one shot HERE.

Masterlist

Enjoy!

***

Din Djarin: Does college exist in Star Wars? I’m not sure… but if we take a moment to imagine Din being schooled by the Mandalorian Creed. He learns the history of Mandalore, about the great leaders such as Satine Kryze. He learns the importance of ‘the way’ and studies the art of weaponary, learning how to use guns, detonators, vambrace, and whistling birds. He learns about the legacy of the darksaber and, as we already know, he trains with the Rising Phoenix. I imagine Din likes to keep himself to himself and has been a loner his whole life. He places his trust in his fellow Mandalorian’s but they are not his friends. They are simply just his allies. Being schooled in the Mandalorian Creed would be physically exhausting but it’s something Din can manage. After all, he doesn’t have a choice. This is the way.

Javier Pena: We know Javi always wanted to leave Texas, and I think college was the perfect time for him to venture out. He didn’t choose a school with a pristine academic reputation, but instead, he picked a school that had the best renowned night life so he could go out and enjoy drinking and partying. Javi wasn’t a complete wild card. He was the kid who seemed to be good at almost everything. He was able to graduate top of his class with honours in Criminal Law.

Frankie Morales: When Frankie was younger, he loved helping his dad work on the family car and he even scored a part-time job at a garage when he finished high school. At high school, he never really found interest in the core subjects like English, math, science, history… and so when it was time for college, he wanted to develop on his hobby. Frankie chose to major in engineering, with a minor in transportation and logistics. This was perfect for him. In his second year, he went from looking at cars and motorcycles, to different forms of aircraft. He remembers one morning, he sat in the pilot seat of a helicopter after the fuel compressor had went bust and he had never felt more at home. On a whim, he dropped out of college and was lucky enough to get a place in piloting school. Frankie stuck by Santiago throughout college, but while Santi went out and partied, Frankie would slump down in his chair, drink a few beers, and be ready to head back to his dorm at 9pm. He had a few flings in college but had no interest in pursuing an actual relationship. It was important to him that he used his time in college to discover what he really wanted to do with his life.

Maxwell Lord: He probably went to Cornell, or Harvard. Maxwell could’ve gotten in from his family name alone, and if he wasn’t the most academically bright, no doubt his mother would’ve paid him into college, but Maxwell had always been smart. He was home schooled his whole life and so college was a big change for him. He worked hard. He showed up to every class early, and handed in homework and dissertations early, and used his charm to schmooze with the teachers, doing all he could to make sure he got the best grades. Maxwell majored in Business and Economics, and minored in Marketing. He didn’t have much choice in what he studied in college because he had his life set out for him the moment he was born. Maxwell didn’t have friends, but that’s not to say he was a loner. Everyone on campus knew who Maxwell was, and everyone knew the kind of family he came from.

Jack Daniels: Despite Jack and his high school sweetheart going their separate ways for college, they couldn’t stay away from each other for long. He was a Political Science major but never really cared much for it. He had a lot of friends, was a care free spirit and attended parties. He is someone who has natural academic ability but his failure to attend class and do homework meant that he, inevitably, began to drag behind. Realising political science isn’t for him, he dropped out of college and moved in with his high school sweetheart. He much preferred it that way, and he was able to be with her all the time. Having his company meant that she was now distracted from her studies and when she fell pregnant with their first child, they decided to run away from college all together and start a family far away.

Oberyn Martell: Is there college in Game of Thrones? I’m not sure, but a modern! Oberyn would major in classical studies and minor in philosophy. He is a prince, after all. He excels in both subjects and picks up languages such as Latin and Greek easily. It comes natural to him. He passes with flying colours and never has to try too hard because the words of Aristotle and Plato were engrained into his brain ever since he was old enough to read a book. As prince, he knows it is important to graduate with honours and that it’s his priority but that doesn’t mean he can’t make time for fun. He doesn’t commit to any relationship during college but does embrace his sexuality. He’s kind, gentle, and respectful. He’s a really great lover, but an even better friend.

Dave York: Dave studied criminology and forensic science at college. He was able to learn the ins and outs of criminal psychology and the process that cops and forensic teams go through when trying to trace a murder. His knowledge in this subject sure helped him in later life. He passed with flying colours, but never wanted a career in crime – or at least, not a career you’d need a degree in. But his newly received qualification, Dave decided to join the CIA as an operative where he met Robert McCall. He played good guy for a long time, but his bad intentions linked to criminal activity traced all the way back to college. He met his wife in college, and truthfully, she was the only thing who kept him from spiralling into criminal activity at an earlier stage.

Pero Tovar: Again, I am almost certain college didn’t exist during this time period but if we make it a modern AU, I think Pero would have majored in geography and minored in cultural studies. He had a goal to travel the world and see all the magnificent places. Pero was a grumpy adolescent, and seemingly he never really grew out of it. He had a group of people he hung out with who were similar to him but he never really considered them friends. He didn’t partake in extracurricular activities and he would just focus on studying. But he did have a flare in art which was lost on him during later life. He used painting as an emotional outlet and a means to express his feelings.

Ezra Prospect: I guess this is a modern! Ezra then. He studies geology, and he’s really smart. He does a lot of reading, but he actually prefers non-fiction over fiction. His interest in geology goes past his degree, and he actually collects a variety of rocks and gemstones, going into deep research about them and believing that certain ones possess healing powers. Ezra has a partner throughout his time in college, and they spend a lot of time with each other. Ezra’s partner encourages Ezra’s love for geology and finds his passion endearing, even encouraging him to earn an income from his knowledge! You help Ezra use the rocks that he collects to create bath salts and make jewellery to sell on and earn profit.

Marcus Pike: Marcus was an art and design major, and all his teacher’s loved him. He was never the best at the practical side, but he excelled in art history and his knowledge on the subject was outstanding. Marcus had one long term relationship during college but his partner ended up breaking his heart. It took a long time for Marcus to recover, but he’d always been one for second chances. He’d hope that he’d never get his heart broken again.

Max Phillips: Max was a bit of a player in community college; a jock, who studied his undergraduate in Physical Education. When Evan had Max kicked out for sleeping with his girlfriend, Max went and studied Sales Management at a university just for Vampires. Filled with a feeling of wrath and hatred for Evan, Max made it his mission to ruin him. No more time could be spent partying in his fraternity, playing soccer for the college team and sleeping with the cheer leader’s – Max made it his goal to graduate from Vampire University with a top major and steal the job of leading Sales Manager from Evan. And that’s on holding grudges.

Dio: Yeah, Dio didn’t go to college. He dropped out of high school when he was fourteen. In his youth, his hobbies included making fire and stealing from the rich.

Javi Gutierrez: He’s a film major of course! He was born into a rich family, we know that, and comes from a very financially privileged background. His parents knew that he did not have to pursue a degree in something that would ensure him a job, because Javi would be well off no matter what, and so they were fine with Javi doing something he was truly interested in. Javi has loved literature, art and movies his whole life. He minors in screenplay writing and excels top of his class, constantly impressing those around him with his ability to memorise anything from one liner quotes to whole scenes from movies. He shares his extensive knowledge of trivia, and all his lecturer’s firmly believe that the film industry is something that Javi could one day potentially succeed in. However, Javi is awkward. He shy’s away from all the partying and spends Friday night’s in his dorm, munching on popcorn and watching classic movies. A relationship is never in question for Javi because of his family circumstances, so he just lays low and focuses on his studies. As soon as he graduates, he heads back home to Mexico and his dreams of being a famous Hollywood screenplay writer seem so distant.

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #din djarin #frankie morales #javier pena #agent whiskey #maxwell lord #ezra prospect #javi gutierrez #pedro boys

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thestorybrookeclocktower · 4 years

Text

I’ve been abused. This is the first time I admit it to myself.

I’ve been abused several times, psychologically, mostly, but also phisically and sexually. It’s hard to admit it. It’s been harder to realize it.

I was an abused child. Before I dig into it, I’d like to point out that I’m managing to do this only thanks to She-Ra, to Catra, in particular, to Adora, and to this video: https://youtu.be/arsKPegw1Tg . So thank you, Noelle Stevenson, and thank you, whoever made that video.

I’m frightened, right now. I’m scared as fuck. I think I don’t know myself, I think I never did. But I must go on, I must find out who I really am. I owe it to myself. I’ve been hiding for too long.

I was an abused child, and I have to write it down because my mind keeps escaping that. It’s hard to stay focused, and that never happens to me, I’m a writer, when I write I’m concentrated, focused, but now... now it seems like my brain’s floating away. And I can’t let it do it.

My parents divorced when I was two or three years old, I’m not sure about it. I clearly remember the day my father went away, the door slamming, my mom crying and myself trying to reassure her, telling her I was there, she had notHing to worry about. I was always way older than my age.

After that, I guess (my memories are a bit confused in the timeline), my grandmother (so I was told) convinced my father to build a wall during the night in the middle of our house to split it in two. I remember waking up and finding this rough, grey wall. My mom lied and told me there had been a earthquake and that the wall fell down. I didn’t know how a collapsed wall would look like, and believed her. My father left us without a kitchen. As I said, I was two or three years old. Thinking about it now, it hurts me to think of how hard it must have been for my mother to face all of this. My father used to beat her, when they were together. She told me that he broke her cranium, once. I cant remember it, I don’t even know if I ever witnessed when it happened. But still.

Later, my mother fell in love with the man who became my step-father. He was our neighbor, they worked together so they already knew each other.

My father disappeared for two years. I spent one year living with my grandparents in another city, because my mother worked and wasn’t home for days, so che couldn’t leave me alone all that time. I remember missing her, and nothing more.

Then, I remember growing up with my mother’s partner trying to be a father. He couldn’t. He was mean to me. His idea of education was based on yells and threats. He continuously told me that I wasn’t his daughter, that I was nothing, that I was worth nothing.

I also remember that I wanted to be hurt. I wanted to hurt myself and, in my fantasies, when I played alone in my room or in the garden, I imagined my “enemies” kidnapping me and me sacrificing to save my friends. That thing lasted. I would always want to sacrifice to save someone I cared about, but who didn’t care about me as much as I did. I still have to understand why. I just need some time, I guess. After all, I just found out I have wounds.

We moved. My father came back, at some point. He started sending the police at our new home, accusing my mother of child abuse, I guess, and trying to claim me as if I was some kind of property. I guess I started feeling like an object when I spent my weekends and summer or winter vacations with him. He had the right to spend time with me, I didn’t have the right to choose. I don’t think he never treated me bad, he was simply unable to be a good father. He just left me with his friends’ children to play. I had fun with them, anyway. I always insisted to be the victim in our playtime, though. Something bad would always happen to my character. I often played the villain (they were happy with it, none ever wanted to be the villain but me), but my villain always had a reason, a past, a complicated story that led them to the dark side.

I guess I was never really happy. There was always this shadow, this weight on my soul. I still can’t name it. I only know it’s there, but it’s lighter today. Maybe because I see it for the first time.

When I went to middle school, I was depressed. I kept saying “we’ll die anyway, what changes if I do or I don’t do this?”. I also developed a passion for swords and daggers. I always read a lot, especially fantasy books, so I guess it was just natural that I started loving blade weapons.

I also felt guilty for continuously feeling sad. I thought I didn’t really have a reason. My family had money, I went to holiday four times per year instead than just twice, everything I asked they would just buy it to me. But my stepfather would always rub it in. He made me feel like I owed him everything I had, because he was the one who paid the bills. He is an alcoholic. He freaks out every time he gets drunk, and he starts drinking at ten a.m.. He would walk naked at home. I was way too young to see a naked man when it happened the first time. He also spied on me when I was in my room, so I was always anxious that he was watching me and could never relax.

I wasn’t good at school, I only liked mathematics but was terrible at all the rest. I just couldn’t concentrate, and now I know that I had locked myself in my fantasies, in another world, where I was strong, powerful, where I was happy. No, no, sorry. I’m lying to myself again. It didn’t go this way, actually. I locked myself in another world, it’s true, but that world was horrible. I was becoming a teenager and I started watching Buffy, so I was pretty obsessed by vampires at the time, and also I was starting to realize what sexual desire is. The thing is, in my fantasy I was powerful, yes, I was strong, but I was always defeated. I would get captured by this beautiful vampire woman who would torture me to death and then turn me into something different, with magic. I would become her sexual slave. I fell in love with her, in my mind, and I would submit to her. It’s embarrassing to admit it, yeah, it sucks, it’s rape, torture and Stockholm syndrome. But that’s the truth. As I said, I wanted to be hurt.

Also, despite this I never admitted to myself I liked girls. I didn’t even consider it as a possibility, I told myself I was in love with Angel (surprise, with the bad guy trying to redeem himself! Who would have thought that?).

At the same time, my mom got a bad self-immune disease and lost her job. Also, in the same years, one of the teacher at school started targeting me. I was shy and insecure and she would take advantage of it and humiliate me in front of everyone. She seriously damaged me, my self-confidence (as if I had any), and my stepfather made it only worse. I got bad grades from her (even when I was prepared I was so anxious that I couldn’t speak when she questioned me) and he got angry and yelled at me that I was stupid, that I was unable to do anything, that I was an imbecile and that I was worth nothing. Once he threw a school book at me and broke my lip.

My mother tried to comfort me, but I always hid what I was feeling. I was really, really depressed. So much that one day I grabbed one of my collectible daggers and aimed it at my stomach, and I pushed. I wanted to die. I wanted it to end. And I wanted a slow, painful death.

But I stopped. I didn’t even get a scratch, not because I changed my mind, not because I couldn’t find the “bravery” to kill myself, but because I didn’t want to hurt my mom. I knew she would be devastated if I died, and that is the only reason why I didn’t push harder. She still doesn’t know about all of this.

I guess I made myself a promise, that day: I’d be stronger. And it was a mistake, because I locked the doors of my heart doing so.

Years passed by. I learned Kung-Fu, I made some friends, just a few, lost others, this is not the point. They didn’t abuse me.

I started dating guys. Older boys, usually, and I convinced myself I was in love with them. One touched me without asking my permission, and I didn’t stop him. I was so stupid... gah. I wanted people to like me so much that I pretended to be like them. I told them I liked music I didn’t like, stuff like that. Silly, silly young me. I was lost and I didn’t know it.

Other years, more boys. I’m pretty, and I know it, and I used it to flirt with basically any guy I found. Shame on me, I know. I only kissed them. After all, I wasn’t even attracted by them. I liked girls, even if I didn’t want to accept it. I was already different, I didn’t want to be even more isolated.

I also spent a lot of time online chatting and gaming. I used to play to this online role play game by chat, I had found the perfect, fake, fantasy world there. My first character was an elf with positive alignment. I stopped playing her because she bored me. My second character was a sociopathic girl, a sadistic villain. I still have that character, even though I don’t play her anymore. I made her torture and try to kill innocent people several times. She was my dark side. I used her to take out my darkest instincts. I’m ashamed of who I was, now. I became a bully for a couple of years, a dangerous person, a mean person. I hate myself for that.

I was in high school and I was a little more equilibrated when this guy I knew since first grade asked me out. I knew he liked me since then, so I thought I had power on him (because that’s why I flirted with guys, I liked the power I had on them). He took me on his minicar and we found ourself in an isolated parking lot. He was never a healthy person. He was unstable since he was a kid, but he had always been kind with me. He was kind and pleasing even that night. And manipulative. And abusive. He used my ever-present sense of guilt, he told me I had to because he took me in his car and drove for me and waited all of those years, and he insisted for maybe half an hour until I gave in (I couldn’t leave the car, we were in a dangerous block and far from home). I had my first and only oral sex experience with a boy. It disgusted me so I stopped after like three seconds, but he forced me to masturbate him, he phisically did pushing my hand on his d*ck. When he came, he also said I wasn’t good at it. He then offered to give back the favour, I refused and asked him to take me home. Two day later I texted him saying it was over. God, this was hard to write. My heart is pumping in my chest. I need some water.

By the way, I was eighteen then and I still hadn’t had sex yet, and I was the only one in my class and between my friends in general. About them, I lost them all along the way. They simply let me down, not repaying everything I did or gave to them in terms of affection, or treating me like shit when I came out, or just disappearing slowly. I have trust issues for this, it’s hard for me to open up to someone now, but I’m trying.

I found this boy at a party, at that point I felt nothing, I was just curious about sex. We started dating. I didn’t like him, I approached him just because I thought his ass looked good. Yeah, how romantic of me. But, as I said, I felt nothing. I didn’t care about him. He fell in love with me, even though I told him many rimes I didn’t love him. I felt nothing for him, or with him, even in bed. Sex was a delusion to me, and I treated him like shit. But still, he would stay. Poor guy.

During those years (yes, we spent four years together somehow), I finally realized I liked girls. Fate brought me to a convention, where I met the love of my life. I ended the relationship with the boy and started my new life with her.

She changed me, a lot. I was a mess when we met. I was rough, selfish, the bad girl I always wanted to be, unable to love, to have a healthy relationship, unable to find the strenght to be vulnerable. She was patient with that broken, confused me, and I’ll never thank her enough for this. I don’t deserve her. She always supports me and shows me how much she loves me everyday. I’m so grateful for her.

I learned to be humble, I learned to be vulnerable, selfless, a decent humang being. I learned to love. I learned to protect her, not (only) myself. I dismantled almost all of my walls. I don’t know if this one I’m tearing down right now is the last one. I do hope so. I’m so tired of those cold walls. Today, I don’t want all these swords and daggers. I don’t need them anymore.

I wish I was strong as Catra and Adora, strong enough to face myself and let myself be happy. Thank you, Noelle, really. I always believed in the power of stories, but I never thought an animated show could give me so much, that I could relate so much to someone (let alone the importance of their relationship on screen for the LGBTQ+ community, it’s a true revolution). I was attracted to Catra since the beginning, I completely fell in love with her during the fifth season, and now I understand the reasons behind it. I just feel her, deeply. And I also deeply admire Adora, her pure soul, her strenght, her bright heart.

Sorry for the long post, sorry if there are any mistakes, English is not my first language. Thank you again.

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glacecakes · 4 years

Text

Alchemy Lullaby (1/?)

Of all the changes that came with living in the castle, becoming a father was not one he anticipated. When Eugene encounters a small child suffering like he did, he gives them the opportunity to grow up the way he never did... helping them both heal. (AU where Varian is 4 and gets adopted by Eugene)

I've been thinkin about this for a lil bit, and then I met Saad who encouraged my dadgene desires and well, here we are. Also shoutout to @finnoky for an ADORABLE baby Varian design that I'm imagining in this scenario lol. Be warned there's brief child abuse, only like 2 sentences of it though. And while there will be angst in this fic that's likely gonna be the only outright abuse.

I'll be honest I have an idea for an overarching plot but this may just end up being a bunch of baby Varian dad Eugene oneshots. Whatever I'm feeling. We'll see.

Eugene grumbled, muttering to himself as he walked through the streets of Corona. That’s not to say that he didn’t enjoy it here, quiiiiite the opposite. Life with Rapunzel in the castle was a dream. In the past six months Eugene hasn’t needed nor wanted anything but only Rapunzel’s happiness. If she was happy, so was he. Unfortunately, that was something he had in common with Cassandra. It was the only thing they seemed to have in common, because he refused to relate himself to that ice queen any further.

The reason why he was muttering was because he had misplaced his favorite brush (though he suspected Cassandra stole it to mess with him), and hey, Eugene, since you’re going into town, can you run a few errands for me? Don’t worry it won’t take you long, just a few dozen shops to visit while me and Rapunzel have a nice relaxing day.

Cassandra totally stole it just to get him to do her chores. Total jerk move.

He’d managed to get most of the things on her list, the only thing left was food for the animals. Apples for Max, mostly. The horse was like a chainsaw, ripping through apples like an axe through wood. It was terrifying and intriguing at the same time.

Thankfully, Cassandra supplied him with the funds and a cart in order to buy all of this stuff.

“Two crates of apples, please.” Eugene mumbled, not looking directly at the seller, as he was deep in thought, mostly cursing Cassandra. The woman, short with wild red hair, easily hauled the apples into his cart without a word. He paid her, eyes trained on the cart, when he saw it.

The crate rumbled, apples moving ever so slightly. He was a seasoned thief, he knew what that meant.

In any other situation, Eugene probably wouldn’t have cared. It was likely only a few apples. But he was cranky, and he didn’t want to be here, and also had he really gotten that sloppy? He used to be Flynn Rider, now thieves were stealing from right under his nose! It was a matter of pride, more than anything else.

“Oi!” He called. He couldn’t see the thief, but he heard the telltale squeak of a guilty ruffian, and the pattering of footsteps.

“Watch my stuff?” He asked, and before he could get an answer, he bolted after the thief. His boots thundered against the pavement, following the sound of the footsteps. They were faint, whoever this thief was must be light on their feet and damn good at going unnoticed. He weaved through the crowd, unable to catch a proper glimpse. All Eugene could see was that the figure was small, or maybe they were crouching? And they were damn fast. Eugene nearly tripped over himself on multiple occasions trying to follow them. He was getting rusty. If Cassandra was here she’d laugh her ass off.

They turned into a narrow alleyway, and Eugene followed shortly after.

The walls were tall and imposing, casting a shadow on the otherwise sunny day. This part of the capital was on the poorer side, with rundown houses and boarded windows. He hasn’t been in here in a while, now that he lived in the castle. But he’d used this general area as a hideout in his youth. He knew this road was a deadend.

“Got you,” he muttered, stalking down the road. “And just who do you think you are, stealing from… me?”

His voice trailed off, and he stared at the scene in shock.

Standing before him was a child. An incredibly tiny, incredibly scared child.

The small boy backed up in fear, practically huddled in the corner. His gangly limbs trembled like a leaf in the wind. His wide blue eyes were misting with crocodile tears, a few dripping onto his tattered clothes. He reached up to brush his hair out of his face, revealing a single shock of blue hair amongst the jet black.

Eugene took a step forward, and the boy took a step back. He whimpered. The ex-convict held up his arms in surrender. “It’s ok,” He breathed, slowly kneeling down. The child regarded him with terror and a hint of intrigue. “I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.” He picked up the apple, brushing the dirt off. It’s red sheen caught the kid’s attention. With how small the child was, he must be malnourished. Eugene’s hand opened, and the fruit slowly rolled back over to the boy. He eyed it before snatching it up and holding it close. He looked over at Eugene, an unspoken question glinting in his eyes. Eugene nodded, and the boy dug into the apple like a feral racoon. Juice spilled onto the dusty ground as he ate.

“Woah!” Eugene chuckled. “Slow down before you choke!” The little boy giggled.

That seemed to do the trick, as the fear slowly trickled from his eyes, being replaced with a childish joy. Eugene offered him a small smile, and he got a buck-toothed grin back.

“What’s your name, kid?”

The small child wiped his mouth with a tattered sleeve. “I’m Varian,” He said.

“Nice to meet you, Varian. How old are you?”

“I’m four and a half!”

Eugene raised an eyebrow, his smile dropping down to a concerned frown. Four and a half!? That was way too young to be by himself in the streets. He and Lance didn’t leave the orphanage until they were 12! Even that was too young! And before they left, they were definitely fed more than this. The boy was a stick! Why was he out here, left to the streets to survive or die? What pushed this child to steal to survive?

He cleared his throat. If he hadn’t, he probably would have started to cry. “It’s nice to meet you, Varian. Where... where’s your parents?”

Varian shrugged, digging his bare feet into the dirt. He was completely oblivious to Eugene’s mounting concern. “Dunno. Momma told me to wait here.”

Oh thank god, he just got separated from his mom. “When was that?” If it wasn’t too long ago, maybe his mom was among the crowd?

Varian hummed, deep in thought. “Uhh... the big lantern party.”

Never mind.

Eugene blinked, trying to comprehend. “The… the lantern festival. The one that was 6 months ago. That one?” Varian nodded. Eugene fell silent, completely shell-shocked by that revelation. Taking the silence as an invitation, Varian toddled over to Eugene.

“Sorry for taking an apple, I was just really hungry…” His r’s were slightly slurred, sounding more like a w. It was painfully cute. What kind of monster would ever abandon such a cute child? Big blue eyes gazed up at Eugene. “Are you mad?” he asked.

“Mad? Why would I be mad?”

Varian frowned, fear refilling his eyes. “Momma didn’t like it when I took the apples... I was just so hungry, and she had a buncha em in a big box, but she yelled at me.” His lips wobbled, lost in the memory.

Eugene grabbed his shoulders gently. “Hey hey,” he coaxed. “You shouldn’t take without asking, but if you’re hungry, all you gotta do is ask, ok?” He bit his lip. A small part of him really wanted to believe that he’d just gotten separated from his mom, that whoever he was, he was looking for Varian, but realistically… This poor kid was in the same boat as him. Thrown out into the world and told to get used to being alone.

What should he do? He can’t exactly take Varian back to the castle, can he?

...Can he?

No, he was still new to living in the castle. Maybe if he and Rapunzel were engaged, he could have gotten away with it. But Rapunzel wasn’t ready for marriage, so there was no doubt she wasn’t ready for this, either. Even if every atom in his body screamed to not let another child fall through the cracks like he did.

He sighed. “Varian,” the little boy looked up at him. “I….” how was he supposed to tell Varian? “Can I take you somewhere safe?”

Varian cocked his head, confused.

“You… you can’t stay here on the street, you need to be cared for, fed properly.” He added the last part to entice the kid. It did the trick, as Varian nodded.

“Will you be there?” He asked.

“N… no, but I can visit?” That soothed the screaming in his mind. He held out a hand for Varian to take.

Varian pondered his offer. “Do you promise?”

“Sure kid, I promise.”

A tiny hand slipped into his. Eugene couldn’t help but marvel at the size difference.

The two entered back into the crowded streets of Corona, and it was like a switch had flipped. Instead of only speaking a few words when asked, Varian babbled happily about anything and everything he could, from why he thought the sky was blue to a raccoon he saw the other day. He was a little chatterbox, even with his cheeks stuffed with the rest of the apple. Eugene wiped up the spare juice that fell from his lips, earning him a giggle. Even the people around them cooed at how adorable he was. How adorable they were together, as a family. It pained Eugene how nice that sounded.

At some point Eugene had lifted Varian onto his shoulders, letting him see everything Corona had to offer. The excited kicks to the face were worth it.

“I was listenin’ in on one of the schools, through the window,” Varian babbled. “Did you know the clouds are made of water? They’re made of puddles! After it rains, the puddles disappear back into the sky and then come back down again!”

“Oh really?”

“Yea! The mol...molecools…” The word was stuck on his tongue. The fact that he even knew the word was impressive, what else did the kid pick up? Orphanages don’t have the best education, he knew that first hand, all that intelligence would die there…

No, stop it Eugene. You cannot take him to the castle. Even if he is adorable, and smart, and just like him…

Suddenly, he felt violent smacks to the top of his head. Varian was bouncing up and down, practically screaming in excitement.

“Momma!” He yelled, squirming off of Eugene’s shoulders before he had the ability to process what just happened.

Eugene chased after him, bumping through the shoulders of passersby, until he finally spotted Varian tugging at the pant legs of the apple seller. Varian mentioned his mom had a lot of apples… oh no.

He raced up to the stand. His cart had, thankfully, been left untouched.

“Momma, Momma, Momma, I missed you!” Varian sang. “I waited for a while, but you never came back, and I had to take food, but I know you don’t like that, I just was suuupeer hungry…” He continued his excited babbling, completely unaware of the mounting dread Eugene felt.

The woman looked down on Varian, eyes narrowing. She seemed agitated, almost furious and even… disgusted. Eugene’s heart fractured and fell deep into the pits of his stomach.

Oh no. Please, no.

Those fractures lit on fire when she saw the woman kick Varian away. The small child slid into the street with a cry, and the woman turned back up to staring into the crowd as if nothing had happened.

As if she hadn’t just kicked her son.

Eugene moved to intervene, when little Varian, undeterred, waddled back up to his mother’s side. “I’m sorry, momma,” he mumbled. For what, Eugene had no idea. The man paid the child no mind. He didn’t even blink.

“Momma?” Varian tried again. “Momma, I’m sorry I made daddy go bye bye. Can we go home?”

Eugene’s fire was extinguished almost instantly, frost curling inside of him, up his throat. He was speechless.

So was Varian’s mother. She continued to ignore her son. Varian’s lip wobbled, and a single tear fell onto the dusty path. That was followed by more, and soon Varian was letting out hiccupping sobs.

That snapped Eugene into action. He walked up to the stand, acting completely nonchalant. He didn’t thank the woman for watching his cart, he’d never forgive a mother who abandoned her son. Wordlessly, he pushed the cart forward, scooping Varian up as he moved. Varian made no effort to fight back or protest, he simply curled into the man’s arms and cried.

“I’m so sorry,” Eugene whispered, leaning down and placing a kiss into inky black hair. Varian gripped onto Eugene ever so tighter.

To hell with what Rapunzel or Cassandra, or anyone else said. He would not let the same fate that befell him repeat.

Varian had a home, starting today.

#tangled #tangled the series #tts #tts varian #varian #tangled eugene #eugene fitzherbert #team awesome #tts eugene

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milgrammer · 4 years

Text

[Theory] First Trial: Haruka

Introduction:

Disclaimer: this post will mention sensitive themes such as homicide, animal abuse, and developmental disorders. Discretion while reading is advised. Furthermore, we are not health professionals. Any diagnoses made within this theory are purely based on independent research.

So, I posted the first draft of this on the MV under the username ‘Mai x’, but the character limit for a single YouTube comment is stingy—even had to split it into two. This theory has progressed since. Honestly, there’s no point in reading the original.

In Short:

This theory is founded on the three arguments as follows, strongest to weakest:

Haruka has some degree of autism

Haruka has a brother, likely a twin

The MV retells his memories in chronological order

Haruka and his twin brother grew up with equal amounts of affection until it became apparent that Haruka was mentally developing slower in comparison. Consequently, his mother (figure) engaged with his brother more by going outside with him etc, while Haruka was left with the assistance dog. For this reason, he viewed his brother as competition for attention and began to bully him.

Later, Haruka fell in love with a girl, possibly named Mirai, but she couldn’t reciprocate those feelings since she favoured his brother, which drove Haruka to strangle her. The authorities caught him in the act, and she survived. His mother (figure), concerned about Haruka’s behaviour, tries to interact with him more, but he is dismissive and believes that she does not believe his explanations. However, still craving her attention and mistaking her frantic words for praise, he continues to hurt other children.

His brother played with Haruka’s assistance dog. Upset, Haruka lured it away. His brother went into the woods looking for it and followed the pawprints. He saw Haruka beating the dog with a stone and tried to stop him, resulting in his hands being dirtied with blood as well. The authorities discover Haruka again, and this time, their mother (figure) had to give them up.

Completely distraught, Haruka blames his brother and drowns him. He is once again discovered by the authorities, but now finally realises that he had been misunderstanding everyone his whole life, and admits that he was the one, who was truly mistaken.

IN-DEPTH UNDER THE CUT

Some Clarifications:

Heads up. If all three statements are falsified, we’ll be back at square one.

There’s strong evidence to suggest Haruka does have autism as he exhibits many common signs, such as lack of eye contact, having little danger awareness, not understanding social cues, deficits in language comprehension, and so on. The list could continue, but I encourage you to look them up yourself. In my opinion, he exhibits far too many for it to be considered coincidental.

I’m more of a linguistic descriptivist, so when I describe certain phrases as “unnatural/odd” or “expected”, a prescriptivist would consider them to be grammatically “incorrect” or “correct” respectively.

The existence of his twin is based on the young boy in the MV, and how closely he resembles Haruka. A common interpretation is that this boy is Haruka’s younger self, but there’s more evidence to suggest the former, which will be explained later.

Assuming that the MV retells Haruka’s memories in chronological order is admittedly just a leap of faith. However, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not as crucial.

Compared to the English version, the original Japanese lyrics are far more ambiguous and have more possible interpretations. It’s partly due to the Japanese language itself, and partly due to Haruka’s grammar. In my opinion, the translated lyrics portray Haruka’s mindset more clearly, so referenced both in this write-up. Any re-translations aren’t meant to discredit the original but should serve as alternatives. After all, I can only imagine how much fun the official translator had with these lyrics.

I’ll be referring to the following, so please acquaint yourself with them:

Weakness MV

Undercover MV

Haruka’s drama CD

Haruka’s profile

Es’ drama CD

Ambiguity/Uncertainties:

It’s safe to assume the lady in the MV is Haruka’s mother, adoptive parent or some sort of guardian, however, there’s not enough evidence to confirm which she is—the difference in hair colours is throwing me off. The line 『ねえどうして変わらないでよ』 (Hey, tell me why. Please don’t change) has two possible interpretations. The first is that his mother’s attitude towards him had changed, and the second is that his aunt or another woman resembling his mother had adopted them, but Haruka thought that they were the same person. This could also explain why no father figure was shown. For now, she’ll be referred to as the “mother (figure)”.

We can’t determine whether his brother is autistic as well, albeit high-functioning, or if he’s neurotypical since studies show that if one twin has autism, the other is likely to have it as well¹. The latter is more likely, but what could’ve happened is that Haruka was diagnosed and they assumed his brother also had it. The scene, where his brother plays with the assistance dog, is bugging me.

The number of ‘sins’ Haruka has committed is unknown. The minimum is 3, the girl, the dog, and his brother, while the maximum is indefinite. The line 『昨日をくり返してあきらめって大事だけど』 (I repeated yesterday, though it’s important to give up) could imply that he had hurt several of his peers in a similar manner, and consequently lost hope in establishing relationships with others. He also appears to have morphology and syntax deficits judging from the grammar used there and throughout the song.

Poster Analysis:

This tweet was posted by Mana Inoue on the visual creation team and showcases the main symbols used in the MV.

Bear in mind, botany isn’t my strong point. In the comment, I claimed they were yellow carnations, which would represent disappointment and rejection. However, they might be a breed of yellow roses, symbolising jealousy. The more I look at them, the more confused I become. It’s not something worth lamenting over though. Both meanings fit with his storyline.

I think the woman with two angels is meant to be a homage to the various depictions of “Madonna and Child with Two Angels”. The ‘Madonna’ represents the mother figure, while the two angels represent Haruka and his brother, vying for her attention.

The blue-green gradient of the poster frame and the dressing table mirror at the centre of the poster reflecting an underwater image both tie in with how he drowned his brother.

The red moon in the background is considered to be a bad omen in fiction, especially when referred to as a ‘blood moon’, but since Haruka is seen to constantly be waking up from nightmares, we can use Freud’s dream interpretations. In this case, the moon is a yonic symbol and would represent Haruka’s desire for maternal affection.

MV Analysis:

Things to point out beforehand:

Haruka is an unreliable narrator. His lyrics, especially, shouldn’t be taken at face value.

The title 『弱肉共食』 is an alteration of the idiom 『弱肉強食』 which translated literally would be ‘The weak are meat, the strong eat’ otherwise known as ‘the law of the jungle’ or ‘survival of the fittest’ in English. However, 『強』 is replaced with 『共』 which represents ‘sameness’, so the go-to translation would be ‘weak meat cannibalism’, but to preserve the nature of the idiom, I’d view it as ‘the weak are meat, eat your kin’.

The original idiom encompasses the notion of ‘competition’, which arises from scarcity. So, why and for what is Haruka competing? Slightly obvious, but it’s attention/affection. He likely viewed it as some sort of rival good i.e. the more the mother figure paid attention to his brother, the less attention Haruka would receive for himself, therefore no brother would equal more attention. Sounds grim, but siblicide isn’t uncommon in the animal kingdom, especially if resources are sparse. This also hints at how Haruka likely had a twin, rather than a younger or older brother since the original would’ve fit just as well were it the latter.

The Japanese subtitles often spell words with hiragana and katakana, where kanji characters would more likely be used. Haruka is around high school age, but, judging from his kanji usage, his comprehension is estimated to be at a sixth grader’s level max. The kanji 『降』 in 『下降』 (kakou/descend) is taught in 6th grade, and the others he uses are taught even earlier. Despite words such as 『僕』 (boku/I) and 『犠牲』 (gisei/sacrifice) being repeated, they’re still written in hiragana. This is probably because they’re normally taught at secondary education, which explains why middle-school level kanji such as 『違』 in 『間違う』 (machigau/to misunderstand) and 『繰』 in 『繰り返す』 (kurikaesu/to repeat) are written with hiragana instead. The implication is that Haruka has learning difficulties—another feature associated with autism.

0:00 It begins with Haruka at a dressing table, implied to be his mother (figure)’s from the cosmetics. The necklace he wears likely belonged to her. Notice its green centre and purple outer layer—those colours are also used for the eyes seen within the MV. This could symbolise his mother (figure) watching over him, and since he wished for her attention, it’d explain why he continues to wear it.

0:05 The reflection in the mirror flickers between Haruka and his twin. This might symbolise how Haruka fears his twin might replace him and highlights their resemblance to one another. The scene transitions to Haruka sinking in a body of water. This water motif suggests that drowning his brother was Haruka’s main sin.

0:20 The drawing of a lady and a boy represents his mother (figure) and his twin—the hand of the boy is outstretched, touching Haruka’s, which implies they were a family of three. He asks why his mother (figure) is distancing herself and if it’s his fault. What might’ve happened was his mother (figure) spent more time outside with his brother, and left Haruka indoors with the assistance dog. His jealousy could’ve clouded his judgment though, and she might’ve spent equal time with them in reality.

Haruka is in the shadows, avoiding the lights, which could imply that he was never in the ‘spotlight’. The assistance dog wears a harness and appears to be a mix between a Labrador and a German Shepherd—both common breeds used for this line of work. There might’ve been more than one dog and Haruka’s memories fused them together.

0:29 The boy smiles brightly. Some claim that this boy is a representation of Haruka’s younger self, but I’m doubtful. His resentful lyrics are at a dissonance with the boy’s cheerfulness. Plus, a major sign of autism in children is ‘not reciprocating a smile’, so it’s unlikely for the little boy to be Haruka. I understand that autism is complicated and surfaces differently according to the individual, but Haruka is fictional, and it’d be logical to assume that his character was written with some of the major signs in mind. Not to mention, the only time we see 17-year-old Haruka smile is at the end of the MV after he’s killed his brother.

0:36 The fire-breathing dragon, according to dream interpretations, symbolises being emotionally overwhelmed. Also, the lyrics ‘the words I tried to say were: “you’re unfair/cowardly”’ are probably directed towards his brother. The implication is that Haruka was jealous of his brother, believing that he ‘made himself look weaker’ to receive more attention, but couldn’t express this through words since his language competence was so low. Consequently, Haruka used rudimentary methods to express himself e.g. physical aggression and crying.

In this scene, Haruka pulls his brother’s shirt collar and his frightened expression as he hesitantly looks up at Haruka implies that he already knows what the repercussions for clinging to their mother (figure) are.

0:39 There’s a monster drawing behind Haruka; this represents Haruka’s self-perception and/or his brother’s perception of him, emphasising how he’s viewed as inhuman.

『ダメ』 [dame] is messy to translate without context. The Japanese subtitles read 『ダメだね』 [dame da ne] but I believe Haruka had misheard his mother (figure) and what she actually said was 『ダメダメ』 [dame dame]. Only one phoneme off. Even though the first could be translated as “You’re hopeless” when used to describe a person, it’s probably a misunderstanding on Haruka’s behalf. In certain contexts or when repeated like this, 『ダメ』 is used to ask someone to stop—a lighter version of 『止めて』 (yamete/stop) and arguably more common. So, his mother (figure) tried telling Haruka to stop bullying his brother i.e. grabbing him and pushing him into puddles etc, but Haruka thought she was insulting him instead. In short, he struggles to understand the contextual use of words.

0:42 “If only I could do what anyone else could do” likely refers to social interactions and the ability to communicate smoothly.

『違った筈の未来は不平等に恋をした』 are the lyrics in a ‘standardised’ form. Some meaning is lost when it’s translated as “The right future unfairly chose the wrong me”, but the translator probably chose it to preserve its ambiguity. A closer version would be “The future, which was supposed to be different, fell in love unequally.” However, 『未来』 (mirai/future) can also be a girl’s name, so it could be translated as “Mirai, who was supposed to be different, fell in love unequally.” Even if that isn’t her name, the gist remains the same—she preferred Haruka’s brother. Some have suggested that she’s their sister, but 『恋をする』 has clear romantic connotations. Doesn’t fully discredit it, but it’s unlikely. Her “falling in love unequally” could be another misunderstanding made by Haruka, which parallels how he viewed the treatment from his mother (figure).

The scene, set as the thumbnail as of now, where Haruka is covering his ears and closing his eyes, depicts him suffering from sensory overload since autism is linked to light and sound sensitivity², and this event takes place at presumably some sort of festival or theme park, judging by the fireworks. He probably still enjoyed the outing since candyfloss is one of his favourite foods.

0:56 His brother steals his girl. What a madlad. As a result, Haruka screams and cries—one of the rudimentary forms of self-expression. This time Haruka uses the verb 『愛する』 [aisuru] a more versatile way of saying ‘to love’, which implies how he craves love in any form.

What was Haruka denying? Many things probably. He thought that his brother was the root problem, everyone was actively against him and he wasn’t at fault, etc.

It's important to note that Haruka has a habit of forming sentences using: noun + 『をする』 or 『をしていた』 in the MV, which is the past progressive. It's sometimes common e.g. 『否定をしていた』 (I was in denial) but other times it's unnatural, such as 『悲鳴をしていた』. 『悲鳴を上げていた』 (himei wo agete ita/I was screaming) is the expected form. It can use 『が』 instead of the 『を』 depending on the context, but it takes 『上げる』 not 『する』.

It's similar to saying "I was doing a scream" You can understand what the speaker is trying to say, but the wording is odd. More of these sentence structures are present later on.

The faces of his mother (figure) and the little girl are scribbled out probably because he can’t remember them or what expressions they made. A simplistic explanation, but ASD is linked with having lower development in face processing³, so it’s likely.

1:04 Haruka is shown shrouded in those yellow flowers. How aesthetic. (Snapchat filter idea?) He then extends his arm towards the girl, but she’s out of his reach—metaphorically. What did Haruka want to confirm? His previously mentioned beliefs. This is why he seems to develop some self-awareness at the end. With his brother out of the picture, there’d be no one else to blame.

1:07 The chorus clarifies that his motive was to gain attention. The 『あっはっは』 is laughter, but I don’t think it’s out of malice. Those with autism often exhibit expressions, which would be considered inappropriate in given social scenarios e.g. laughing at a funeral. I believe that Haruka was frustrated and emotionally overwhelmed, so when he laughed, he was actually trying to weep as he did at the end of the MV.

During the scene where the girl’s shadow is between his hands, no scribbles are present, which represent blood/death. This hints at how he hurt the girl, perhaps by strangulation, but didn’t kill her. Judging from his expression and the round light, probably from a flashlight, he was caught by either a stranger or the authorities.

Some have suggested that he killed the girl as well, however it’d make more logical sense for the severity of repercussions to reflect the severity of his ‘sins’. Why would the authorities later separate his mother (figure) from him after the dog incident, but pardon him for homicide? Things wouldn’t add up.

1:30 A lack of cooperative behaviour, i.e. not sharing or taking turns, is associated with ASD⁴, so if his mother (figure) knew, she might’ve been encouraging the two to share. Another possibility is that Haruka might’ve been diagnosed with anxiety or depression, while his autism went undetected. That scene really bugs me. Can you tell? Either way, Haruka isn’t too happy about it.

His repetition of “I’m fine” implies that he’s brushing off his mother (figure), who’s trying to find out why he’s behaving this way. He misunderstands the word 『外れ』 [hazure]. Another messy word to translate out of context. It roughly means “to miss/be off”. Sometimes you say it when someone answers a question incorrectly or if someone hasn’t gotten the point. To express disappointment, you’d usually say 『期待外れ』 (kitai hazure/not living up to one’s expectations), but the fact that he excluded 『期待』 (kitai/expectation) implies that he’s misunderstood someone again.

His mother (figure) looks at him disagreeably when he tries to explain his viewpoint. This is probably because he views the entire world as being against him.

Haruka lures the dog into the woods and his brother searches for it—having his brother discover the corpse might’ve been his plan as well

He mistakes 『狂ってる』 [kurutteru] for praise. This can mean “You’re crazy”, but there’s neither a subject nor topic marker present, so she could just be saying “this (situation) is insane”. However, this misunderstanding is probably why he continues committing ‘sins’. He’ll take whatever attention he can get, he doesn’t understand the reality of his actions and believes that doing these deeds will make him more ‘human’.

2:00 『犠牲をしていた』is another instance of the aforementioned sentence structuring.『犠牲にしてた』 with the 『に』 particle would be the expected form, which could mean “I was making a sacrifice”. However, I suspect he was trying to say something like 『僕のことを犠牲にしていた』 or 『僕が犠牲になった』 roughly translating to “you did it at my expense” or “it was at my expense”. That would explain why the official translation was “I became a victim”.

“My loneliness was desired” could entail that he wanted to either be an only child or he purposely pushed people away—might explain why he was trying to brush off his mother earlier. It could also be interpreted as “You desired my loneliness”. In that sense, Haruka would be accusing his brother of trying to isolate him from other people.

2:10『下降をしていた』 is translated as ‘I was falling’, but since the subject is omitted, he could also be referring to a multitude of things, such as his well-being, grades, reputation, etc. Again, 『下降していた』 would be the expected form and the verb itself is rarely seen outside of technical reports.『下げる』 (sageru/to lower) or 『落ちる』 (ochiru/to fall) would be more commonly used in the vernacular. I can’t provide a direct equivalent since there’s too little context, but I suspect that Haruka heard/read the word somewhere and assumed it to generally mean ‘to go downwards’.

He goes on to state that his “starting position in life was wrong”; it implies how he’s realised that his way of thinking was innately different from others. We then see the circular light shining over his hands, signifying that the authorities have found out once again.

2:30 Some trippy visuals. The background is a collage of his afterimages. The Haruka-like silhouette might represent how his brother would’ve grown up by this time had Haruka not killed him.

2:40 This is likely the last memory Haruka had of his mother (figure) and an odd one at that—she stands alone, her posture stiff, the line of suspended lamps being the only other item of interest. I think it depicts her being taken to court. Law isn’t my speciality, but the scene composition does resemble the typical layout of a Japanese courtroom. With the mother (figure) at the witness stand, the lamps could either represent the judicial panel or the prosecution/defence. She might’ve been arrested under the suspicion of child abuse since the various incidents of Haruka’s aggression could be regarded as warning signs. Also, if Haruka’s recounts aligned with his lyrics, it wouldn’t aid her case.

Were the authorities instead concerned about Haruka himself, he would’ve been classified as a juvenile. By this time, I suspect his age to be around 5 to 10. Since the Penal Code of Japan provides that the acts committed by those under 14 aren’t punishable, they probably referred the twins to a correctional facility. In this case, their resemblance and/or the dirtying of his brother’s hands likely played a role since Haruka was separated from his mother, but not him. That wouldn’t be possible if Haruka was admitted alone.

In either scenario, their case would’ve been dealt with in a family court. It’s unclear whether she was separated from them during an investigation or because they’d already taken protective measures, but, either way, this was the probably last time they saw her.

2:45 Haruka is probably referring to his mother (figure) at this point in the MV and wonders where she is. After the incident with the dog, she likely had to relinquish her parental responsibility/guardianship. We no longer see those green-purple eyes after she leaves, which could symbolise how she’s no longer there to watch over him. It’s interesting how Haruka cries from his right eye, while the silhouette among the afterimages cries from its left. I think it’s hinting at how the silhouette is not Haruka, but his brother. This may also imply that when they were both alive, they could’ve been mistaken for one another, which could link to the last line of the song, “it was me”.

2:52 In a final attempt to get his mother back or to ‘punish’ his brother, which he thought of as the wrongdoer, Haruka drowns him. His lifeless body, indicated by the scribbles, is soaked and Haruka cries atop of him, realising that his brother wasn’t the problem. From Es’ “Undercover” we can see Haruka pushing his brother, represented by Es, into the water, and his brother gasping for air.

3:28 At the end of the MV, we see the same light, implying that the authorities discovered him once again. Judging by his expression, Haruka finally understands that he was the one at fault. His speech in the background is a repetition of the lyrics without the “ahaha”. From how he speaks, I think the lines 『誰か気づいてよ』 and 『間違っていたのは僕だった』 should instead be treated as a run-on rather than end-stops. And if that’s the case, his spoken lines may be translated as follows: “Please notice me. Someone, please notice that I was the one who was wrong. Yeah, it was me.” It hints at how he not only wants his existence acknowledged, but he also wants someone to understand that his way of thinking is dissimilar to others and especially was during that period. Those last words “yes, it was me” alongside his second file 『申し訳ないなと思っています』 (It’s inexcusable/I feel bad about it) heavily imply that he now understands the reality of his actions and feels remorse.

Drama CD Analysis:

Key points to note:

Haruka fails to understand the complex constructions Es uses at the beginning and struggles to form them as well. Es notices this and uses easier, more straight-forward sentences later in the interview

He stutters and pauses frequently

He fails to recognise the different meanings of homonyms, in this case, 『起きる』 (to happen/wake up)

He uses 『ごめんなさい』 [gomennasai] when 『すみません』 [sumimasen] would be more contextually appropriate. Both can be translated as ‘sorry’, but the former is far heavier, similar to ‘please forgive me’, whereas the latter is lighter, equivalent to ‘excuse me’ or ‘my bad’. He doesn’t seem to be aware of the contextual difference

Haruka puts heavy emphasis on ‘speaking’. This could suggest that he received speech therapy at some sort of psychiatric institution or rehabilitation centre judging from his clothes. Furthermore, he might’ve enjoyed it or he feels at ease when talking to others since he can finally be ‘understood’

More than other prisoners, he seems attached to Yuno and Mahiru, both being young women with warm demeanours. He eagerly mentions them to Es and when he lists the prisoners he often talks to, he immediately states their names again and leaves pause before mentioning others. He likely enjoys female attention because of his desire for maternal affection.

He’s afraid of ‘adults’ like Kazui and Shido. It’s unclear if it’s adults in general or specifically adult men, which would make more sense as there’s no father figure present in the MV

He’s afraid of Amane and claims that children her age evoke bad memories. He also seems to be fiddling his hands during that topic. Probably a coping mechanism. He likely committed all of his sins at an age even younger than hers.

He’s afraid of Kotoko, but honestly who isn’t? It’s strange how Haruka gets along with Futa since Kotoko and Futa both have ‘harsh’ personalities. She might remind him of his mother (figure)

Es comments on how Haruka appears to have a lack of fear and has unnatural responses to given situations e.g. smiling when being interrogated

Haruka has a fear of abandonment, claiming if others were to find out about his wrongdoings, he'd be ‘thrown away’

Extras to note:

His type is AB, associated with being ‘dual-natured’. It highlights how he fluctuates between being weak/reserved and having aggressive outbursts

His horoscope is cancer, a water sign. Links in with how his brother was killed

『遥』 His name is written with the kanji meaning ‘far off’ and ‘distant’

In his profile, Haruka says 『僕は人も殺しています』. Interesting how he attached the 『も』 particle to 『人』 (hito/person) rather than 『僕』 (boku/I). Had he attached it to the latter, it would’ve given the impression that he ‘killed someone just like everybody else in the prison’, however, his usage implies that he ‘killed a person as well as something else’. You can work it out, can’t you?

Haruka likely suffers from perpetration-induced traumatic stress (PITS) or perpertator trauma for short. He’s shown to have various PTSD symptoms; for example, nightmares (shown by how he constantly wakes up with a frightened expression on his face in the MV), flashbacks and physical sensations a result of them (both implied in the drama CD). Haruka also seemingly tries to avoid remembering his actions or talking about them, which is another sign of PTSD. We know he dislikes young children since they bring back “bad memories”, so the same likely goes for animals as well. Some sufferers of perpetrator trauma may have nightmares in which they act out the events as the victim rather than the offender. This isn’t as concrete since Haruka and his brother might just look similar, but the boy in the MV could be Haruka in his younger form re-enacting as him. The corpse in the final scene is in the outline of a young boy, but we can’t see his features. Haruka might’ve also forgotten what his brother looked like.

Judgment/Conclusion:

In the future, I’ll probably never be this insistent again, but in Haruka’s case, I’d highly recommend voting “forgive”. I didn’t draw that conclusion out of bias or sympathy; it’s a strategic move. The next set of MVs are based on this trial’s judgment and Jackalope also mentioned in Es’ drama CD (paraphrased): “open up his heart and you’ll hear lots from him”. Therefore, choosing “don't forgive” would likely be to our detriment as the opposite may happen, i.e. he’ll become more reserved or try to suppress his memories even further.

Other than that, there are other valid reasons to vote him as forgivable, e.g. his age, his mental state, his remorse, etc. I suspect some will vote him as unforgivable solely because of the dog incident. After all, the death of an animal tends to evoke a stronger reaction than homicide in fiction... It’s just a hunch.

References:

Tick, B., Bolton, P., Happé, F., Rutter, M. and Rijsdijk, F., 2015. Heritability of autism spectrum disorders: a meta-analysis of twin studies. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 57(5), pp.585-595.

Colman, R., Frankel, F., Ritvo, E. and Freeman, B., 1976. The effects of fluorescent and incandescent illumination upon repetitive behaviours in autistic children. Journal of Autism and Childhood Schizophrenia, 6(2), pp.157-162.

Dawson, G., Webb, S. and McPartland, J., 2005. Understanding the Nature of Face Processing Impairment in Autism: Insights From Behavioral and Electrophysiological Studies. Developmental Neuropsychology, 27(3), pp.403-424.

Centres for Disease Control and Prevention. 2020. Signs & Symptoms | Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) | NCBDDD | CDC. [online] Available at: <https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/signs.html

#I've replayed the song so many times that I've forgotten how lovely it actually sounds #might buy that lap pillow off Yuno now #haruka sakurai #haruka #milgram #ミルグラム考察 #ミルグラム #deco*27 #theory #弱肉共食 #桜井遙

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yokelish · 3 years

Text

Why Yo once read Harry Potter books (in translation) "Half-Blood Prince" and "Deathly Hallows".

I am not going to deny that I can be what kids call spiteful little cunt. So imagine the glee I felt when I realized that a. my peers (mostly classmates) were into Harry Potter at least enough to watch the movies and follow the story b. the books were finished but the movies weren't.

Now, I am shit at math and as a child I didn't like to read much fantasy due to lack of visual imagination. But since there was already a ground work in movies that would be of little consequence, I thought, and calculated that if I were to read the last two books in HP franchise over summer break I could ruin the next two-three years for approximately 20 kids. I really have to thank film makers for breaking the last movie into two parts.

And so, I got the books. My parents never protested about buying me books. Like if that bitch had hardcover and had pages inside, I could have it regardless. They never paid attention to the ACTUAL covers of the books which led to some INTERSTING ALBEIT INAPROPRIATE READINGS.

As a true fan, of course, I had to start with the least exciting book, which was Half-Blood Prince. The thing was, as I realized somewhere in the scene of Dumbledore drinking some green goo to get a medallion is that I didn't watch enough Harry Potter movies. I watched the first three and was like "yeah, it's good!". No. No, it wasn't. Too many character names, too many things about the world that I didn't know about. Why drink the goo and not like spill it into this green lake that literally surrounds you? Because magic means it has to be drank. Okay, why not make some magical or even non-magical animal drink it? Like, it's sad, sure, animal right and no-cruelty testing hooray, but a wise wizard doesn't have to lose his mind. And also... WHOMST THE FUCK IS THIS DUDE FROM BLACK (surname) FAMILY THAT I SHOULD CARE SO MUCH ABOUT? (Spoilers: Harry's Godfather's Brother.)

So, by the dumb rules of HP universe, I had to put down the book and re-watch all the available movies. Which was fucking hard back in the day since Netflix and Internet weren't a thing. Thus, I had to remember character names, locations, all that good stuff. Who the fuck is who and why.

So, going back to Harry Potter books. I am what you'd call a little fucking crazy. Like I can't skip chapters or pages in the book. A mental thing or something. If my eyes didn't touch every single word printed, the book wasn't read. And I didn't like that. So, despite my absolute loathing towards everything and everyone in Half-Blood Prince, I persevered.

On side note, the books actually made me appreciate the movies more. Because the dude who played Harry was charming and funny. And the movies didn't make me live in Harry's head. At times, he was an awful human being by choice. And people say "HE WAS AN ABUSED ORPHAN". So, like, every other hero in fantasy. They didn't have to be awful by choice. Alexander Hamilton, too, was an orphan, I don't see many of you here defending his shitty choices.

And it's not like my childish self wanted Harry to be perfect, no; I picked up Eragon soon after I was done with Harry Potter mostly because I wanted fantasy that would heal my broken soul. And Eragon was a dumb village boi. And he was thrown so much responsibility on him he couldn't handle it. He started by fucking up and he continued to fuck up till like book 3. A big lizard that hatched 6 months ago was smarter and wiser than Eragon. In fact, Eragon who was so ignorant and people-pleasing he accidentally cursed a newborn child. And even that once single moment of "shit I can never undo so it will haunt me forever" was a lot more powerful to me than Harry talking to his dead parents before going to face the Evil Overlord. Though, giving credit where credit is due, it could be also an issue of relating to a character. I doubt I would have found a magic stone that would bring the ghosts of my very much alive parents, but I did have a big mean mouth and I could say shit I regretted easily.

Anyway, back to the point. I found Half-Blood Prince an insufferable reading experience. Every single character, and especially Harry, every other progression and "plot twist" in the book just made me want to drop it. And remember, I am a very hecking young reader. I have no analytical skills, I didn't even have taste. I wasn't be able to tell what is considered "classic lit" from "modern lit". So many things just didn't make sense. Why do Death Eaters have that Skull and Snake symbol in the sky? It's like those cartoonish thieves who leave a note after a successful heist. Why does magic...works that way? Like, my dumb self, out of nowhere decided that being a good magician in HP universe was kinda similar to being a good athlete. Training, education, and some natural talent do the trick. And that wands were just instruments to channel magic. But apparently, a fucking stick can you hella powerful? There's the Queen Stick. The Stick of sticks. I think the Stick of sticks annoyed me more than anything. It's a shitty McGuffin for an Evil Overlord who came back from the dead.

The whole book felt like a fever dream, to be honest, and not even like fun one. It felt like the fever dream you'd get on malaria or something. I understood why Dumbledore decided to drink that green goo and lose his mind. I wanted that, too.

After finishing Half-Blood Prince and knowing what it was like to live in Harry's head, I moved on to the last book. Which was easier to read due to its cartoonish-ness. It was strange picking it up and having Harry leave on this lone hero journey to find Evil Lord soul pieces while also having moments like "a tale from a children's book that is actually Harry's heritage". The ceiling in their friend's house that is painted with their names, and then BOOM, evil dudes attack. A dude seeing an illusion of his "love interest" making out (VERY VIVIDLY THROUGH HARRY'S EYES GOD I HATED THAT SCENE) with his best friend and teleporting the fuck out of that middle of nowhere they were hiding in. An Evil Overlord giving the big I WON speech without checking for HIMSELF if THE BOY HE TRIED TO KILL EVERY YEAR FOR 6 YEARS IS ACTUALLY FUCKING DEAD.

So, yeah, I didn't like Harry Potter books. Well, the last two I actually read in translation. I still stand by the fact J.K. is a midcore writer since I tried to read her other books that are not HP (yes, they exist) in her mother tongue. I am glad I pirated them and never finished!

So yeah, after summer break, I told my classmates that I read four Harry Potter books, because a. I could lie like a motherfucker b. how would they check? And told them how it was going to end. I guess, because we were all young and spoiler culture wasn't such a big issue we just all kinda shrugged and went on with our day. It's also not that big of a reveal if you think about it. Evil Overlord is dead and the hero survives! How unexpected! No one gave a fuck about ginger twin dying.

But! Good thing is that no one was interested in watching any more HP movies outside of what they already watched. So, I ruined that for the movie industry. And no one ever talked about Harry Potter again.

Until our next summer break, and our homerun teacher giving us a summer assignment that included reading HP books. I was exempt from that. And no one did it! That was incredibly proud moment for me that came a year later! No one wanted to read the book anymore!

I single-handedly ruined the sales of HP books and movies in a small ass city. Word travels fast.

Next time, I'll tell you all about the time I argued with a dude about how Avatar: The Last Airbender The Movie was going to suck balls and how passionately he denied me.

#Harry Potter and spiteful Yokelish

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