#i am no expert in any of those fields but i know more than most

[jacksgreysays]

Extremely late, completely unnecessary opinion of the Watcher situation, (2024-04-24)

So this is a relatively belated post — several days after the initial “Goodbye Youtube” and one day after the “An Update” videos — and surely by this point there are more interesting/insightful op-eds (both in written form and video form, especially penguinz0’s fairly objective POV as, essentially, a YouTube expert) but there is something about the Watcher situation that made my brain itch. Thus, I wanted to write about it in order to make sense of it all as well as get into a philosophy that seems to be haunting me in recent years and which I think applies greatly here.

This may seem completely out of left field considering 1) definitely not fanfiction and 2) about Watcher Entertainment, a YouTube channel which—as far as this tumblr is concerned—I’ve not engaged with whatsoever, but I don’t know where else I would put this, and weirdly enough I think the general tumblr response to this whole predicament is maybe the… if not objective… then at least, most thoughtful?—or, perhaps, least immediately reactive?—amongst the various social media platforms, that I think some people might appreciate this anyway.

In terms of my relevant background: I majored in Management Science (which is just a fancy way of saying Economics + Business + Accounting because they are, weirdly enough, separate things) and minored in Film Studies in school, I am currently working in the stage tech industry (which, I know, is obviously different from film/video industry), and I like to think I am a fan/consumer of a wide variety of independent creators, some of whom I am lucky enough to be able to afford being a patron/subscriber. I won’t go into all of them—because it is a lot—but there are four in particular whose business models I want to analyze in comparison to Watcher’s admitted blunder:

A) RocketJump (known for Video Game High School and Anime Crimes Division; the core group which turned into the podcast Story Break, then became Dungeons and Daddies) B) Dropout (formerly College Humor, we’ll get into their discography later) C) Drawfee (previously an offshoot of College Humor, now fully independent) D) Corridor Digital (used to be mostly behind the scenes of how VFX studios work, have since become a mostly original content creator)

I will say, right off the bat, I am a patron of Drawfee as well as Dungeons and Daddies, and I am a subscriber to Dropout. I am not subscribed to Corridor Digital’s streamer, which I will get into why later. I understand that being able to sustain those two patronages and one subscription is a luxury that not everyone can afford and so my point of view is already skewed by being such a person who could theoretically afford another streaming service if I so chose. I also acknowledge that many fans of Watcher are not in similarly financially secure places as I am and that regardless of the business model, any monetization that comes from fans would have been a rough ask. However, I wanted to go into this essay in a way that accepts Watcher’s statement—that they needed more funding—in relatively good faith rather than assuming the worst (although that is another point I’ll get into later, largely related to the philosophy I brought up earlier.)

All four of the above listed content creators started or, at least, hit their stride on YouTube:

RocketJump and College Humor were, if not household names, then the digital equivalent of it in the “early days of YouTube.” They were part of the wave of content creators that made YouTube seem less like a bunch of eccentrics with cameras making videos on the side and more like a viable way to support yourself/your team with the art you create.

RocketJump’s Video Game High School went from short (less than 10 minutes) minimal location episodes in season one, to 30 minute plus episodes with full on fight scenes and car explosions by season three thanks to a Monster Energy brand deal. They also had two seasons of Anime Crimes Division, a literal TV quality show, thanks to a Crunchy Roll sponsorship. Unfortunately, RocketJump shut down not long after (their videos are still up on YouTube but they obviously don’t add anything new) but the core creative team behind that have been involved in several projects outside of YouTube (Dimension 404 on Hulu being one of the biggest ones so far) including the podcast Story Break (part of the Maximum Fun network) and now the independent podcast Dungeons and Daddies, the episodes of the main campaigns which are free with ads or, for patrons, ad-less along with additional mini-campaigns and other benefits.

I will say, during RocketJump’s decline, they did try their best to keep going. The partnerships with Monster Energy and Crunchy Roll were the big swings to get the funding to make those TV quality shows they wanted. I believe they lucked out with those brands in particular, or, at least, those brands didn’t seem to inhibit the creative process or ask too much of them that it felt like “selling out” but I also don’t have insight into why they didn’t pursue this model of, essentially, very weird but interesting season long commercials. Maybe they just couldn't find the right brands or maybe they did feel like it was too stifling. Regardless, before they shut down completely, they did also downsize—moving out of the actual city of Los Angeles over to Buena Park. Which is in Los Angeles county, and basically counts as LA still, but is way cheaper than literal Hollywood real estate. (I should have added to my relevant background that I’m born and raised LA county, and have relatives and friends in the film/movie industry, so trust me when I say literal Hollywood/city of Los Angeles is so overrated and unnecessarily expensive. There is a reason why LA traffic is the worst and it’s because everyone is commuting INTO the city. Respectfully and with affection, no one should live there. No one’s start up should be located there.) Obviously the downsizing didn’t necessarily work for RocketJump, but they also didn’t have multiple successful revenue streams the way that Watcher currently does.

In contrast, College Humor was acquired by InterActiveCorp and was turned into CH Media which was three pronged: College Humor, Drawfee, and Dorkly. In 2018 they made Dropout, which had exclusive content separate from their YouTube videos which involved all three prongs. Then some financial shenanigans happened early 2020—IAC withdrew their funding—and there were a bunch of layoffs right before the pandemic which extremely sucked. It has been stated by multiple people involved that it was basically a miracle that Dropout survived through all of that, but there were definitely some sacrifices along the way to make that happen. Currently, Dropout seems to be thriving with mostly exclusive content with the occasional “first episode of a season” posted to YouTube, OR if Dimension 20 is doing a “sequel season” in an already established campaign they will put the entirety of the previous season on YouTube.

IAC withdrawing their funding did put CH Media in a bind. They had to layoff a lot of people right before pandemic and, understandably, a lot of trauma was had. There were also weird issues with who controlled certain IPs/brands/digital assets (I mostly come at this from a Drawfee POV, it took several years for them to own the Drawga series and be allowed to host all of the episodes on their YouTube, and there was also something about the sound file for their opening animation?) but mainly the difference is what kind of content they generate. Originally Dropout had multiple scripted shows with high budgets and pretty cool effects/animations/stunts (Troopers, Kingpin Katie, Gods of Food, Ultramechatron Team Go!, Cartoon Hell, and WTF 101) whereas now almost all of their shows are variations of improv comedians being put into different scenarios or given different prompts. I’m not just talking about Game Changer and Make Some Noise, because Dimension 20 and Um, Actually also technically fall under that description as well. Which is not to say that these shows are worse than the scripted shows—I subscribe to Dropout, so clearly I’m a fan of their current shows—and the budgets for them have since increased to resemble, if not match, those early shows, but it is a noticeable shift in their content creation strategy as a response to the lack of IAC funding. And I will say: Dropout releases at least three videos a week if not more and at least two of those are long form at 30 minutes plus (Dimension 20 being the longest, of course.)

So, these first two business models are not really the most applicable to Watcher Entertainment considering their origin was to get away from Buzzfeed—they’re probably not keen to be partnered with or purchased by a larger company—but there are some aspects to both that I believe are valuable in at least showing the strategy in how these former YouTube creators could successfully extract themselves from YouTube or how they still utilize YouTube even if it is not their main hosting platform or revenue stream.

Then there is Drawfee and Corridor Digital, both of whom are currently—if not primarily—on YouTube, whose situations are more comparable to what I believe are Watcher’s goals.

Drawfee had to rebuild themselves like a phoenix from the ashes of the CH Media layoff during the beginning/worst of the pandemic. Side note: I’m happy that Nathan (one of the four main artists of the current Drawfee team) at least has forgiven(? or let bygones be bygones) Dropout enough to be on an episode of Game Changer (although I will say that this happened after Drawga was “returned” to Drawfee, and after Dropout officially split from College Humor as a brand.) All that being said, Drawfee was a team of four artists plus their editor who wanted to stick together but basically had all of their support system taken away from them. They took a bit of a break to assess their goals and options, announced a patreon with several tiers with great perks, and stuck to their upload schedule. In addition to two videos a week, they also stream on Twitch weekly, have a patron only stream once a month, and a draw class (for one of the higher tiers) once month. After asking their patrons on the relevant tiers if they were okay with it, they began releasing the patron only stream and the draw class to the general public for free after a month. The patreon perks also include things like merch discount codes, high quality PNGs of the final rendered art, access to the draw class with live interaction/critique, and a commission from the artist of your choice. The only “ads” they run are for their own patreon and merch store and, even then, they’re usually at the end of the videos with a credit scroll of the patron names during their exit banter.

Admittedly, they only have MAYBE eight employees—that’s including their video editor(s?) and their discord mod(s?)—with the main four artists doubling/tripling up duties as additional video editors, CFO, and marketing/merch leads. It’s a very streamlined crew and their production costs are not very high since it’s mostly screen recording of their drawings with their audio recording overlayed onto that footage. Although the video editors do sometimes have clever cuts to relevant images depending on their vamping. Sometimes they will have a guest artist but, again, since it’s screen and audio recordings, there’s no travel/housing costs. So, very minimal expenses due to low production costs and small crew but, again, their only revenue source is the patreon/merch, they don’t do outside ads and they very rarely do live shows.

Corridor Digital is, I think, the most applicable to what Watcher would ideally do, which I suppose is somewhat ironic for this essay in particular considering they’re the only one of the four that I don’t financially support. They have two YouTube channels: their main one being where they show the “final product” videos, but I believe their Corridor Crew channel which started primarily as behind the scenes type of videos is where most of their views come from. Especially their React series (VFX artists, Stuntmen, and Animators React etc.) On Corridor Crew they usually upload two videos a week — one which is a React and the other which goes into fun projects/challenges (involving VFX or not) or using VFX to explain scientific concepts — as well as the first episodes of their exclusive content on their streamer. Also behind that paywall are longer and ad-less versions of the videos on YouTube. They also have merch. All of them have merch, I don’t know why I’m stating that. They don’t have a patreon as far as I know, but I also don’t know if their subscription to their website comes with similar perks like discounted merch or something similar.

Anyway, their studio seems to be about 15 to 20 people — not all of them are VFX artists, of course. I believe they have higher equipment costs than Watcher since, understandably, Corridor has to be on the cutting edge of video editing technology. They do occasionally travel for shoots, but it doesn’t require big teams, and that’s only when the local locations available to them don’t match the requirements for the “final product” videos. Otherwise most of their videos are set in the studio or in the alleyway outside their studio in Los Angeles (the city itself, not just the greater county, though they are in a rougher and thus probably cheaper part of Los Angeles). I personally don’t subscribe to their website primarily because their exclusive shows don’t appeal to me—either they’re too technical or a little too dry; to be fair, most of them are VFX artists first before they are performers—and I don’t particularly feel the need to see the extended cuts of the videos uploaded on YouTube. Also I sometimes get a little bummed out by their lack of diversity.

All of this to say, from these four different business models, a bespoke Frankenstein business model for Watcher could be cobbled together. But also, even with that bespoke Frankenstein, there are some changes that Watcher would have to make: primarily their upload schedule. As of right now, I think they do MAYBE one video a week if not, perhaps, one video every TWO weeks. If they want a monthly subscription model, their rate of content generation would ideally be higher to double/quadruple their current upload rate. Obviously they want to create videos with higher production value, but at that rate of generation, something’s got to give: supplement their TV quality shows with either a behind the scenes type series or an increase of “we get four episodes out of Shane and Ryan get increasingly drunk in someone’s backyard” or something similar. Leaning into shows like Worth A Shot (the first season in which Ricky Wang makes cocktails based on a random ingredient, the second season threw in some competitive aspects which I didn’t really find necessary) or the Beatdown which has relatively low production costs (no travel, one location, maybe two cameras at most therefore smaller crew requirements) but a higher polished look. Otherwise, for a separate streaming subscription service, 2-4 videos a month is not going to cut it.

As of right now they probably can’t back out of the separate streaming subscription service because those set ups usually require some level of contract/paying for servers for the website and whatever is hosting their videos for a set amount of time. However, what really strikes me is that I literally didn’t know they had a patreon until I scrolled through the comments of the first Goodbye Youtube video. Maybe it’s been linked "tactfully" in the descriptions of videos, but considering they claim to be lacking in funds, the fact that they weren’t plugging their patreon at the end of every video is not just strange, but also irresponsible considering they do have 25 employees that they don’t want to layoff.

Additionally, I understand artists needing to be in a space that promotes creativity, but there are cheaper places that must be comparable that aren’t in literal Hollywood. It’s an unnecessary expense. On top of that, other people have already brought up that it was fairly crass to introduce this paywall, attributing it to the increased production costs, when the next planned “new series” is a reboot of an old Buzzfeed series in which people travel and eat expensive food. I’m not even talking about the personal expenses of Steven, Shane, and Ryan; what kind of car they drive or the cost of their wedding venue doesn’t matter on a business model basis.

But getting back to the patreon: again, I literally didn’t know they had one. I’m looking over their tiers— they have $5, $10, $25, and $100 — and for the most part they seem okay, although I think they have more to offer that wouldn’t necessarily cost them more. Ie, something that has baffled me for a while: the fact they don’t sell the mp3s of the Puppet History songs; they already exist and it doesn’t cost them anything additional because they don’t need to put it on physical media. Or maybe they do and they’re not marketing it similarly to how they weren’t overtly marketing their patreon?

And, okay, maybe they didn’t want to seem desperate — in the early days of Dropout and independent Drawfee, they both were very blatant in getting people to subscribe/join their patreon. As they should be. Desperation maybe doesn’t look cool and sexy, but it is earnest in a way that conveys equal effort that fans who can afford it would want to see. The fact that we weren’t getting rotating ten second clips of Steven, Shane, and Ryan asking people to join the patreon at the end of every video — even if its the same clip every three videos — is wild. And yes, the $25 tier includes a shoutout every 3 months on Watcher Weekly+ (which I don't quite understand what that is,) but the fact that they weren’t doing a quick post movie credits scroll of all the patreon names is, again, wild. Once you have that initial list, it’s not too difficult to add any new names that join and put that title overlay on top of, again, those nonexistent ten second clips of the three.

As others have already stated, it seems like an extreme mismanagement of their existing successful revenue streams, if they are actually struggling to pay all of their employees. Which goes into the philosophy part of this essay: don’t assume malice when it might just be incompetence. It’s something that I have to remind myself of often because I do get paranoid about people’s intentions sometimes and I have to check myself. Am I being overly suspicious of what might be just an honest mistake? Am I assigning ill will to an action just because it inconvenienced me?

Yes, of course, a lot of this situation could be misconstrued as straight up greed. But, also, Watcher is a relatively young company, helmed by three people who certainly don’t have experience running their own company:

They like to travel. They like to bring a full crew around with them. They’re renting out a shiny office in the heart of Hollywood where everyone knows is where real show biz happens. They’re adding more employees to the team because surely more people means better. And they want better productions values because the prettier the videos the more people will like them right?

It’s naive. It’s a level of inexperience combined with giving responsibility to officers whose main priority is to entertain. And if that means entertaining themselves and their staff, then they might not know the difference. It’s the kind of mistake that first time managers make—trying to prioritize fun over getting the job done. Prioritizing making friends with their employees rather than making sure the work the employees put in is equal to (or greater than) what you spend on them whether that is in paycheck or bringing them to cool locations for fun shoots. It’s a mistake anyone can make, it's just unfortunate that they made this mistake in front of millions of people. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s solely a greed induced cash grab.

But then comes the catch-22 of the philosophy—is it worse to assume incompetence than it is to assume malice? Or, in this case, greed. Especially for the heads of a company that holds the livelihoods of 25 employees in their hands. At what point does it not matter if it’s incompetence or greed if the end result is the same?

Is it better to think that Watcher knew about the various other business models of independent creators and just ignored the efforts put into achieving those successes or is it better to think that they didn’t know and just stumbled into one of the worst moves they could have done. Again, other people have mentioned that Great Mythical Morning—which Watcher has had multiple collaborations with—has managed to make the YouTube subscription/tier system work to the point that they can sustain themselves as well as spinoff channels. Is it incompetence or greed that led to Watcher thinking they could bypass that completely in less time and with less content?

I’ve been at this mess of an essay for several hours when I should have been asleep. Ultimately I want to say, regardless of incompetence or greed… yes, Steven is CEO and yes he is ultimately the one who makes the final call but it is disheartening to see the pointed vitriol at Steven specifically and the infantilizing of Shane and Ryan in comparison. Either they’re all silly uwu boys who are messing around not knowing how to run a company, or they’re all complicit in a crass cash grab in an extremely busted economy.

I think what’s most frustrating to me in all this is that there were so many other channels and creators who have literally walked this path before them and, again, whether through incompetence or greed or arrogance, for them to just ignore it… It’s not betrayal because I don’t know them and so there’s no relationship to betray, it’s just so inefficient and convoluted that I don’t understand. Or, no, even if it was greed, it’s an incompetent greed because at least pure greed would have been pushing that patreon every second they could. Their ratio of YouTube subscribers to patreon members is less than 1% and I bet that’s because a lot of their audience, like me, literally didn’t know they had a patreon. I probably would have become a patreon member of theirs had I known earlier, ESPECIALLY if it included access to those Puppet History songs. Drawfee has half as many YouTube subscribers and nearly double the patreon members as Watcher. I’m just baffled, is all, and maybe by this point sleep deprived.

Anyway. That’s my extremely late, completely unnecessary opinion of this situation.

Edit (several hours later after some sleep): I forgot to mention, because they did walk this back almost immediately, even before their "An Update" video, but I believe the original plan was to put EVERYTHING behind that paywall and pull their content from YouTube entirely. Which is, again, extremely baffling, because if ALL of their content is behind a paywall, how would they possibly gain new fans? Even if all of their current fans were able and willing to pay for their separate subscription streaming service, how would a brand new person even stumble on their content enough to want to subscribe if there wasn't a significant amount of "proof of value" free content on YouTube? Again, extremely baffling, and a level of incompetence that overshadows a "cunning" greed. But, like I said earlier, they did walk this decision back almost immediately. If I've misunderstood this and that was never their plan, please let me know, I don't want to be spreading misinformation in a situation that is already so convoluted.

#jacksgreyson #writing #nonfiction #essay #watcher #op-ed #youtube #drawfee #corridor digital #dropout #rocketjump #dungeons and daddies

[reasonsforhope]

Do you have any advice for dealing with election anxiety?

I think/hope so!

First, a couple caveats:

I'm from the US, so US perspective, and about US 2024 elections

I know more about politics/follow them more than like, at least 85% of US Americans? But I am not an expert.

Environment/climate news and climate hope are science-based and can be measured/predicted empirically wayyyyy more than politics can, because People

I'm not getting into the trenches around Democrats vs. the Left vs. Liberals vs. Progressives. In this post, we're all in one big venn diagram of mostly interchangeable terms

So, first off, maybe my biggest piece of advice is this: The antidote to anxiety is action.

Find something you can do to help - anything. Anxiety is like fear - it's part of your brain's alarm system. It's part of your brain's mechanism for telling you that you need to do something

So if you listen to that alarm and do something, your brain won't feel the same need to desperately escalate the alarm system

You can look up and sign up for actions, protests, petitions, letter-writing campaigns, phone banking, canvassing, and more for candidates near you at Mobilize.us (no Repubs on here I promise). They also work with Swing Left a lot - a group that helps voters look up and focus on helping the nearest race that is actually competitive (because most of them aren't!)

Again, that's Mobilize.us and Swing Left as two of the best places to find out how and where to help, and sign up to do so

Other than that, I don't have advice specifically so much as I have "some useful and more hopeful ways to think about the coming US election" and to a lesser extent democracy in general

1. The media is going to underreport how well the Left and/or Democrats are doing, basically no matter what.

So, although we can't get cocky about it, this is something absolutely worth remembering when you see just about any polling or predictions about the 2024 elections.

Here's why:

Poling is weird and often inaccurate and skews in a lot of ways and is inherently biased, and it's less accurate the further you are from an election. Also, the electoral college is a huge complication here

This skewing is built into both the interpretation of the poll and the design of the poll itself - how many people do they sample? Demographic spread? Polls try to go for "likely voters," but how well can you predict that, especially as voting rates for young people and marginalized groups are rising, often dramatically?

Right now, those biases are all skewing most to all polls and predictions to the right. Including from basically all pollsters, as well as left-wing media and news outlets.

Now, THAT'S NOT INHERENTLY A BAD THING. It's not because they don't want the Left to win. It's because in 2016, basically all mainstream media, including left-leaning media, said that there was a very low chance Trump was going to win. They said that Hillary Clinton had it in the bag. So they're all correcting for the huge inaccuracy in the 2016 (and 2020 and 2022 tbh) elections

Not only were they catastrophically and humiliatingly wrong about that, they then had to deal with the fact that that very reporting was part of why Clinton lost in 2016 - voters heard she was probably going to win, so they felt safe staying home instead of voting

And then the 2020 election polls were also super wrong, mostly in the other direction

Polling as a field is undergoing a massive shakeup around this, trying to figure out how to not fuck up that badly again, but they haven't figured it out yet, so right now they're skewing things to compensate

That's for the sake of both their own credibility and, you know, the part where just about no one in either left-wing or mainstream media or mainstream polling orgs wants Trump to win

So they're going to underreport Democratic chances on purpose to a) compensate for the bias skewing things toward Democrats in their models, and b) to make sure that they don't accidentally help Trump win again

Sources: x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x

Reasons the Republicans are in more trouble than a lot of people think

Democrats are largely closing ranks hard around Biden, because no matter what they think of Biden, they know a Repub victory would be a thousand times worse

Republicans, however, are absolutely NOT unifying around a candidate. And they're also the ones who go around saying a ton of awful and offensive and wildly untrue things about their opponents. Meaning that the Republican primary is about to get fucking messy, and probably all of their candidates will be tarred in the process

So, basically, the Republican candidates are all going to be busy smearing the fuck out of each other - while Biden mostly doesn't have to deal with that level of negative campaigning against him for months and months

As studies show, in politics, "a negative frame is much more persistent, or “stickier,” than a positive one. If you come at an issue negatively, but are later reminded of the policy's positive aspects, you will still think it's a bust."

Also, Biden is gonna get basically all presidential-race left-wing big-name donor money, while the Right will have that money split a bunch of ways and blow through it hard on infighting, creating a probable funding gap

Trump's campaign contributions are all going to pay his legal fees. Like, to the extent that last month, his main PAC had just $4 million in cash on hand - because they siphoned over $101 million to pay his legal fees (muahahaha)

Sources: x, x, x, x, x, x, x

Other hopeful things to consider

Yes, Trump's indictments and trials are, unfortunately, boosting his numbers among his supporters. However, that's only with the hard right wing - and you can't win a general election with just the far right. He needs to appeal to independent voters and moderate Repubs - and every indictment and trial hurts his chances with them. x, x

In 2022, literally everyone was predicting a "red tsunami." And they were wrong: it never happened. Instead, Democrats picked up a seat in the senate, lost a third or less of the seats in the House that they were expected to, and won a number of statewide races. x, x, x, x, x

DeSantis's decision to go to war with Disney stands to do him a lot of fucking hard. Disney isn't just powerful in general - it's an unbelievably powerful force and employer in DeSantis's home state of Florida. Disney has already pulled a $1 billion project from Florida due to the feud, is responsible for "half" of FL's tourism industry, and and is branding DeSantis as "anti-corporation" and "anti-business" - dangerous charges in the right wing. x, x, x, x, x, x

Abortion is an issue that gets voters to the polls. This is an issue on which politicians are wildly out of step with voters: Numbers change depending on how you break it down, but generally 60% to 70% of Americans think abortion should be legal - which is, in election terms, is a landslide. For years, that momentum has been with Republicans. Well, now it's with us, and so far pro-choice candidates and ballot propositions have done way better than expected. To quote Vox, in 2022, "abortion rights won in all six states with abortion ballot measures, including in red states like Kentucky and Montana that otherwise elected Republican lawmakers." x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x

#Anonymous #ask #me #us politics #us elections #election 2024 #trump #biden #democrats #florida #united states #abortion access #pro choice #abortion rights #reproductive rights #political campaign #polling #statistics #good news #hope

[master-of-the-game]

seeing you make oil paintings of elim garak has changed something about the way i perceive art, both in what others make but also in what i am capable of making.

it’s probably due to learning mostly euro-centric art history, but i’ve always thought of oil paintings as like the peak of painting ability? like, it’s fancy and it takes a while so i thought that it must be the best (ignoring the fact that my artistic field is mostly in acrylic paints and 3D sculpting and yet i still consider it very good). and i’m still working on disproving this sort of mentality that there are mediums inherently better than others, because it’s incredibly limiting to my creativity to impose a higharchy, and also it feels kind of xenophobic.

i digress a bit. point is, i’ve viewed oil paintings as a medium only deserving of gallery-type realistic portrait stuff, which is very much not what i do. i don’t make the sorts of fancy art rich people would pay for- the type of art i thought oils were for. i make paintings of comic book characters and sculptures of my personal heroes, i make jewelry and clothes and stuffed animals. stuff that i enjoy. which is good!

but still somewhere lurking in my brain was this voice telling me that on some level my works weren’t as meaningful or creative because they were fan works or made from materials i’m not an expert in or because the only people i draw and paint and sculpt are queer and trans, like me. that because my art was self-indulgent, on some level i suppose i thought it lesser.

but then i see your art. and holy shit! you’re work is INCREDIBLE! at first i was excited because, hey, i’m a big star trek fan, and garak is one of my favorite characters. i love coming across fan art of him, and it always manages to strike a chord with me. but then. as i looked at it closer, i realized it was on canvas. as i scrolled down i realize it was oil on canvas.

before, i’d pretty much only seen fanart as sketches on paper or digital drawings. one that is really only meant art-wise for quick sketches or planning of what will become “real” works, and one that doesn’t actually take up any physical space in our world, and is stored away in a little digital file.

but oil on canvas? that’s not meant to be thrown away, it’s meant to be held in gloved hands, as it is precious, and it’s not meant to be hidden away in the “files” on a laptop. no, those hang on the walls of museums or houses, meant to be displayed with pride for all to see.

and with those too colliding thoughts, that of fan works as some lesser form of art but oil paintings being the art of the rich and talented… well i realized that both were wrong. fan works are not in any way shape or form lesser than original works. what makes my layered ink painting of dream of the endless any less important than my painting of the ocean during a storm? nothing! they’re both good works. and on the other side, there is nothing that makes my oil paintings more important than my acrylic paintings or my sculpture or my knitting. it’s all art, lovely art, in the end. and the only thing that really matters is that i enjoy it.

seeing your art has helped me break some (minor) yet harmful thoughts i didn’t really even realize i had. so thank you for that. also your garak art is fucking good, and it really makes me think about what sort of life he would have after ds9. anyways, thank you. that’s what i’ve been meaning to say (that’s what this whole thing is). thanks for changing my vision for the better.

Oh wow! You know, it is very important and gratifying to know that results of your work make person rearrange their thoughts and views on something. Thank you for your sincerity! Now back to subject. I personally believe that fan work can be something fine and vice versa something fine can be a fan work. One thing that is very important to remember and remind yourself is that most of fine art that you've mentioned - gallery and most famous works (at least in european tradition) - are, well, derivative. Of Bible, of ancient myths. Yes. All this stuff can be considered maybe not fanart - but it is a subject for discussion - but illustration at least. And it is still fine art. Book illustrations - oh well. Sometimes I want to hang them on the wall, especially old ones. So - why not? Fan work always has a connotation of something derivative, and it certainly is... But just as well as most of the most prominent works. Dixi :D So that's the matter. Medium of course matters but medium does not always define the subject of art (except for common sense), as you've said. It's just maybe the cost of medium (some watercolor brushes for some reason cost... ehm. Too much :D) that defines its price, but not necessarily. I like thinking about this issue and discussing it... Plenty room for ideas. Thank you!

#star trek #art #fanart #artwork #my art #fanwork #oil painting #oil on canvas #art mediums #painting #graphics

[givemeanaccountalready]

A Who-Swung-It Mystery: The Case of the Switch-Hitter (1/3)

1 / 2 / 3

Despite the humorous title, I want to be serious for a second. I am not a licensed psychologist/psychiatrist/licensed social worker/etc., and I am certainly not an expert on dissociative identity disorder (DID). My knowledge of this disorder comes from the research I have done to try and understand it. I am trying to be as respectful as possible towards the subject matter, and I sincerely apologize if I show a lack of understanding and will do my best to correct it. I want to focus on switching, since we don't really have much information on Mikoto's childhood that led to him developing this disorder and I do not want to speculate. I only say childhood and not adulthood because the literature I found suggests that it is rather rare for this already rare disorder to form past the age of ten. Mikoto could be one of those special cases, but we'll have to wait and see.

Now, before you begin violently shaking me over the length of this post, just know that I am sorry about it. I want to argue that Mikoto’s DID is a red herring. Despite his claims otherwise, John did not directly kill anyone, Mikoto did. Through the voice dramas and the music videos, we get to see both Mikoto and John's individual perspectives and personalities. From what we've seen in MeMe and Double and then heard during John Doe and Neoplasm, I think I figured out what happened the night of the murder.

Fun fact before the post cut: in Japanese, the kanji for baseball are combine the kanji for field and ball (野球) and is read as ‘Kakyu’. The number nine in Japanese is read as ‘kyu’ or ‘ku’ and our baseball-loving prisoner, Mikoto, is prisoner number nine.

Okay, now you can begin violently shaking me.

Milgram's Very Own Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: Subverting the Evil Alter Trope

Robert Louis Stevenson's The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is a tale that lives in infamy, and here in the West, it is synonymous with dual personalities. Published in 1886, the story is meant to be an allegory regarding good and evil. Pop culture osmosis usually has it right that Dr. Jekyll accidentally created Mr. Hyde in a lab accident, but here's the thing, it's more of a happy accident than a “Well, the risk I took was calculated but man, I’m bad at math,” one. Dr. Jekyll is a respectable, older gentleman who meant to erase his "shameful urges" (the story never explains what they are exactly, just that they go against the Victorian moral code) and accidentally created Mr. Hyde. As Mr. Hyde, Jekyll is a younger, shorter man whose only identifying feature is that everyone immediately hates him. That is not a joke. People who ran into Hyde can’t really describe him other than having the gut instinct to avoid him. But more importantly, I need you to know that Dr. Jekyll had spent most of the story voluntarily transforming himself into Mr. Hyde so he could give into those shameful urges and then used his wealth as Dr. Jekyll to sweep any trouble that arose back under the rug.

Besides being physically different, the main difference between Jekyll and Hyde is that Hyde lacks Jekyll's morals and inhibitions. Jekyll delights in the freedom he can experience as Hyde, until as Hyde, he beats a man to death with a cane. A few months before the murder, Jekyll had started to realize that he did not have as much control over Hyde as he previously thought and went two months without drinking the transformation tonic. As Jekyll puts it, in a moment of weakness, (yes, it reads like an allegory about substance abuse) Jekyll takes the tonic, transforms into Hyde, and since Hyde is pissed over being locked up for so long, he exercised his frustrations on a rich man's head.

Historically, the nineteenth century is when psychologists started arguing over the existence of multiple personalities, and the public back then was as fascinated with it as it is now. And I can't believe that we're nearing The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde's 150th anniversary, and the evil alternate personality trope is still going strong! I swear to you, it seems like DID is only ever brought up in conjunction with stories involving a murder(s), and the resolution is always, the evil alter committed it. I only know one example (Primal Fear (1996)) where the evil alter didn't do it, but that was because of the twist ending!

Besides wanting the novelty of the core having killed someone rather than the 'evil' alter, I think it would fit in with Milgram's dedication to emphasizing that each prisoner is an individual with their good points and bad. No one is 100% good, or bad, or anything else (Jackalope is 100% chaotic neutral, but he is a mythical creature, not a human, so shh). They have dominant traits that may influence their actions, but as in reality, things aren't black and white. It would make sense for Mikoto and John to reflect this. Mikoto is not 100% good and John is not 100% evil. They both have good and bad traits.

I think that the first trial shows it much better than the second, but Mikoto's main problem is how he constantly denies that anything is troubling him. Es calls him out on it explicitly during Neoplasm. Mikoto’s response is, “Usually, if you just laugh and pretend, things work out in the end,” explaining that the pretending helps him cope. It may not be the healthiest coping mechanism, but it is what he does. The most recent example of this not actually helping anyone is during Mikoto’s 2023 birthday timeline conversation. Mikoto questions himself to see if John really does exist and then he angrily blames John, only for John to front long enough to yell that he did it to save them. John disappears and Mikoto tells himself that that was useless, and that he’s tired and should stop thinking so hard about it. John has repeated quite a few times during Neoplasm and in that timeline conversation that he did it because Mikoto couldn’t handle it. The implication is that it is referring to the stress that built up and led to the murder. I agree with John that Mikoto’s decision to continue putting his head in the sand and to bottle up all his stress would have led to a breakdown. Everyone has a limit, and it is clear that Mikoto was rapidly approaching his. I don't disagree with that at all. What I disagree with is John's claim that he is solely responsible for the murder, because his existence does not make him purely evil and Mikoto's purely good. To think so is to play right into the black-and-white dichotomy of morality and play directly into Yamanaka's hands.

Despite his more sadistic tendencies, John does have some positive traits. We know he cares deeply for Mikoto and wants to protect him, even if his actions aren't acceptable. In Neoplasm, we’ve even heard John express some pride over being a college graduate, something Mikoto has previously downplayed when asked questions by Amane. We’ve seen in timeline conversations that Mikoto is capable of expressing annoyance and exasperation (with Fuuta) as well as anger (at John in the above timeline conversation). John can be cruel and aggressive, but he is active in asserting himself. Meanwhile, Mikoto is considerate to others to the point of his own detriment and is rather passive when it comes to conflict. Just because Mikoto seems to have more desirable character traits than John doesn’t make Mikoto incapable of committing a violent act.

Now, onto the murder, what could lead to Mikoto killing somebody?

"Communism was just a red herring." - Clue (1985)

I firmly believe that John is full of shit. Despite the number of destroyed mannequins, there is only one murder victim: the blond fellow we see at the beginning of MeMe. And just like in the cult classic, Clue (1985), I think the motive was blackmail.

Remember Mikoto's glitched line from the second voice trailer? "DESTROY EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!" I don't know if this is just an accepted fan theory or if it had been confirmed, but it is believed that the lines from the second voice trailer happen before the murder takes place. If it had taken place after the murder occurred, then everything would most likely reference the evidence of the murder. But this takes place before the murder happened. Sure, it could be John's need for one of those rage rooms, but if I'm being honest, I think it was blackmail that could have gotten Mikoto fired from his job. Despite the amount of stress his current job causes him, Mikoto has stated over and over again that he worked very hard to get into the best company in the advertising business, and in his Trial Two interrogation questions, he has stated that he will not leave his current job because he believes that his efforts will eventually be rewarded. Mikoto is fine with being uncomfortable if he believes it will lead to future benefit (AKA, no pain, no gain).

From what I understand about Japan's work culture, getting fired puts a black stain on your record and makes it extremely difficult to find a new job. Getting fired by a top-tier advertising agency isn't just losing his dream job, but possibly destroying any chance of Mikoto gaining any opportunity or prestige for the rest of his career. All his hard work will be for naught. There are plenty of real-world instances where someone lost their job or lost their college acceptance because of poor behavior on the individual's part. If the blond victim had evidence of Mikoto acting badly, regardless of whether it was Mikoto or John fronting, Mikoto's boss could fire him, ruining his chances of ever being rewarded for his hard work. People have certainly killed for less in the real world.

Personally, I lean towards the blackmail being something John did, although this comes from Mikoto's line from Undercover: "Don't lie about me / what did I do?" If Mikoto cannot remember anything from when John fronts and he is aware of his forgetful spells, then not only would Mikoto question whether the blackmail had been doctored but also he'd wonder if there is a hint of truth to it. Remember Mikoto's words to Fuuta, "You're a uni student, right? You can't act like that once you start working properly," as if the angry behavior from Fuuta is only normal until a certain age. Perhaps Mikoto took part in some bad behavior in the past. More likely than not, it’s John in the blackmail. T1Q11 answer states, "Yes, I am [someone who takes others into consideration]. I'm a working adult. Communicating makes work easier." It's almost ironic how his boss constantly texting him and inconsideration causes Mikoto problems, and because he is the new guy and subordinate, Mikoto can't exactly tell his boss to fuck off.

His T1Q10 answer better lays out his beef with Fuuta's behavior: "I don't think I've ever gotten angry before. Isn't it kind of disgraceful to get angry?" Now, Mikoto is a very go-along-to-get-along kind of guy and Fuuta is not. He could be telling the truth that he has never gone into a blind rage (that Mikoto remembers), but to say he has never felt anger is most likely a lie.

Here is how I think the murder went down. At the beginning of MeMe, we see Mikoto waiting in a dark, secluded area near the train tracks. His hair is mostly covered by the beanie and we cannot make out his expression whatsoever, so there is no clue to tell us who is fronting between Mikoto and John. Mikoto does not appear to have a bat on his person or around him, and it seems like he is holding his phone. The blond victim could have just been a stranger walking by, but I think that he was an old friend of Mikoto's from high school or college and was supposed to meet with him. As peers who are supposed to be working adults, Mikoto is under the impression that whatever this is, they can just talk it out. This is all just one big misunderstanding.

Maybe the blond victim even brought the bat for an intimidation factor. Maybe Mikoto brought it just in case. I lean towards the former because you would notice misplacing your own baseball bat (they can get really expensive) is hard to not notice, and the whole thing is easier to deny if you don't even own the murder weapon in the first place. Whatever the case, the blond reveals his blackmail and demands payment or else it's getting sent to Mikoto's boss. Mikoto sees nothing but red, screams at his old friend to destroy all of the blackmail, take the bat, and then swings. The first blow hits the victim's lower back, just like how it hit Es in Undercover, and it is enough to render the victim's legs useless, forcing him to try and crawl away rather than run. Mikoto raises the bat well over his head and brings it down again, killing the victim.

With no one around but his now deceased victim, the red haze lifts and Mikoto realizes what he just did, prompting the first trial glitched line, which is believed to take place after the murder, "My life... it wasn't supposed to be this way." The heartbreak is too much to bear. John takes over and is the one to bury the body, dispose of the evidence, and clean Mikoto up. When Mikoto wakes up the next day, he can disregard it as a bad dream: "All I did was dream / And that's what you found GUILTY?"

Pretty words, but empty ones, I know. Where's my proof? I'm glad you asked. :)

Switch-Hitting

Let's start out with the murder weapon: the baseball bat.

In baseball, a switch-hitter is someone who can bat left- and right-handed. Switch-hitters are prized by coaches, because batters have a higher chance of hitting the ball when they swing opposite of the pitcher; meaning a left-handed batter has a better chance of hitting a ball thrown by a right-handed pitcher than the right-handed batter against that same pitcher. There can be switch-pitchers (someone who can throw left- and right-handed), but because Mikoto's murder weapon seems to be the baseball bat, I'm going to focus on the way he swings the bat. As previously stated, during the third chorus of Undercover, we see Mikoto's silhouette bludgeon Es with a baseball bat.

Now, it has been a while since I've played baseball and softball, but I do still own a bat and I believe that that is a left-handed swing. A left-handed batter would have their left hand positioned above the right hand and the bat would have been held over their left shoulder. When they swing, they step in and turn towards their right to complete the swing. That is what Mikoto is doing in this picture. I tried to mimic the swing, but I am a right handed batter, so it feels awkward when I do it. Right-handed batters are more common that left-handed hitters, and in Double, we see Mikoto/John bat both ways, making him a switch-hitter. In the US, a switch-hitter has to pick one side to hit from during the time he is at bat, meaning that say he batted right, then swung and missed twice (two strikes, one more and he's out), he can’t switch to bat left. He can switch to bat left the next time he is up at bat, but he cannot switch positions once he steps up to the plate. I can’t find much on Japan’s rules about switch-hitting, but there’s a ton of articles about a high school player who kept switching positions for every pitch during the same at bat (pissing off the Americans in the comments section). Now, I can’t speak for professional baseball in Japan, but I guess switching positions during the same at bat is allowed at the level Mikoto played (high school). I do feel confident in stating that the Mikoto featured in Undercover has a left-handed swing. But Gimme, what does that have to do with switch-hitting? Switch-hitting involves batting both ways.

If you continue to closely watch the opening of MeMe, while Mikoto holds the bat in his left hand, but when he readies himself for the overhead swing, Mikoto has his right hand over his left, something a right-handed batter would do. I actually made a list of when we see Mikoto swing the bat, and it seems that when Mikoto swings the bat normally (like how he would in a game), he usually bats left-handed. I could only find one instance of Mikoto holding the bat right-handed as though he were up to bat.

Left-Handed Batting:

at 3:04 in Undercover

at 0:30 in MeMe

at 0:58 in Double

at 1:29 in Double

Right-Handed Batting:

at 1:26 in Double

Buuuut, when we see Mikoto swing the bat abnormally, he uses his right hand to guide the swing as if he were batting right-handed. His right hand is above his left (which is normal positioning for a right-handed swing) when he does the overhead swing in MeMe at 0:37, and when he swings the bat one handed during Double, it is with his right-hand.

Your dominant hand isn't what determines your batting stance. Generally, it's a good indicator, but it's not set in stone thanks to cross-handedness. Cross-handedness is when you use your dominant hand for certain activities and your non-dominant hand for others. But if it matters, Mikoto is right-handed. Most of his actions in both songs involve his right-hand. If you watch MeMe, the only time Mikoto uses his left hand is to move the camera at the beginning and end of the song, and then to pick up the Death tarot card at the very end of the song. In Double, the only time he uses his left hand is when he swings the bat. Also, his shoulder bag is on his left shoulder in both MeMe and Double, and generally, purses and shoulder bags rests on your non-dominant side to give your dominant hand easy access.

Like I said, Mikoto being right-handed doesn't necessarily translate to him batting right-handed. Now, I'm no baseball expert, but I don't think his left-handed swings are all that good. They look 'jerky' to me. We don't see Mikoto complete a right-handed swing; we only see him hold the bat as if he is waiting for a pitch and the positioning seems natural. And there is something that I want to point out. You can train yourself to become a switch-hitter. I am not kidding when I say that switch-hitters are coveted. I think it would be in-character of Mikoto to naturally bat right-handed but try to teach himself how to bat left-handed so that he can become a switch-hitter. He is someone who knows what they want and creates a ten-step plan to get it, (see his "I wanted this job so I chose this art college with this degree"). He also believes in hard work being rewarded, so if he successfully trains himself to become a switch-hitter, his coach will reward him with more playing time (in this case, move him up the batting list). Mikoto is also self-effacing, so when he puts himself down, it needs to be questioned. Are his claims about not being good at baseball an example of his low self-esteem affects his perception of himself, or was he just plain bad because he was batting from the wrong side? He could just plain suck at baseball, but his abnormal, right-handed swings are smooth and controlled. It makes me think he bats right naturally, and that his left-handed swings are him practicing to get better at switch-hitting.

Unlike Mikoto, John is not patient. He would not bother with a swing he is not comfortable with. We saw that in John Doe as they are quick to taunt Es and lash out at them and Kotoko. John did not try to retreat and figure out a strategy to best Kotoko, an experienced fighter, he just went for it. I can only assume he wised up during his fight with Kotoko and that's why she couldn't knock him out a second time. This impulsive, fiery temper reappears in Neoplasm, when John mock Es for chaining Mikoto and for the name they gave him, and then as Es stalls during John's prodding of what will happen to Mikoto, John begins shouting at Es to answer him. I would probably split the two this way: while Mikoto is proactive with his willingness to think ahead and shortchange himself for the chance of being rewarded in the future, John is reactive and his impulsiveness leads to short-term thinking that can screw over Mikoto.

Here's Mikoto in Neoplasm: "I wonder if it's like... some kind of sleepwalking...? After all, I've been losing sleep more and more often recently... Man... It's really troublesome, isn't it?...Usually, if you just laugh and pretend, things work out in the end, right? I'm pretty good at that. Making things work out to the best of my abilities." At this point, he can no longer deny that nothing is wrong, and Mikoto is now forced to seriously consider just what is going on when he has these forgetful spells and falls asleep. Something is wrong, and he is trying to follow his usual protocol of smiling and quietly figuring out how to make things turn out for the best. Except it is not working in Milgram, triggering John's appearance in Neoplasm.

John is surprised by Es's acceptance of the situation, and even says, "I'd just think it's a lie someone came up with to get away with murder." As he and Es continue to talk, John asks Es why they think he was born and confirms that his role is to protect Mikoto from harm. Es is the one to bring up the murder, and suddenly, the chatty John is giving short, vague responses, reiterating that he is the murderer, not Mikoto. Here's some of it, "Yeah, it's me. I killed them off... They annoyed me [so I killed them]... Just someone [a stranger] who was walking around nearby... Can't remember [how many I killed]." When Es demands to know how John can be so calm, John changes the subject to find out what will happen to Mikoto. When Es cannot give him a satisfactory answer, John repeats again and again that Mikoto is innocent and that he, John, is at fault, so please forgive Mikoto. I think John would admit to every wrongdoing of Mikoto's if that meant Mikoto's burden would be lifted. It's why I don't trust him. Not only is his confession too vague to be considered admissible, but as Mikoto’s protector, he also has a reason to take the fall. John is not an evil alter, but he is taking advantage of the trope to get Mikoto the Innocent verdict. An Innocent verdict, in John’s mind, will erase most of Mikoto’s current stress. It is too short term, and relies to heavily on Mikoto’s habit of denial. If Mikoto is found Innocent, there is a chance that he may continue to pull his head out of the sand to figure out what is going on so he can learn how to manage or suppress it so his everyday life won't be impacted.

Oh, and one more thing before I end this first part.

That Wasn't Mikoto at the End of Neoplasm, which is why Double differs from MeMe.

John is playing up the idea that he is an evil alter to get Mikoto out of trouble, and the weird behavior shown by 'Mikoto' at the end of Neoplasm is just John attempting to manipulate us. Do you guys remember at the end of John Doe when Mikoto is back in control and is confused and then horrified as to why he’s hurting and why Es is now covered in bruises? From what I’ve read, that confusion is a common sign of personalities having been switched, and so is the memory loss he has experienced. Now compare that to the end of Neoplasm, when John ‘leaves’ and Mikoto comes back and immediately starts guessing what kind of dog Es owns? And how weird that is because Mikoto had started the interview clearly worried over what is going on with him when he is ‘asleep’? I don’t think Mikoto actually came back. I think that that’s John taking advantage of Es being startled by the bell and pretending to be Mikoto and trying to emphasize how harmless Mikoto. Mikoto is just a little guy. How can someone so friendly be a monster?

1 / 2 / 3

#mikoto kayano #john kayano #milgram project #milgram analysis #who-swung-it #do you like the whodunnit pun #I’m quite proud #long post #so long #I'm sorry #for the length #and the length alone #mikoto did it #you know it #i know it #the american people know it #but seriously #imagine if I'm right #surprise it wasn't the alter #it's the novelty of it #that makes me want it to happen #I do have proof #I just want to get this theory out right now #organizing the video evidence is a nightmare but it is there #just jumbled #in my drafts #taking up space

[salora-rainriver]

We're talking about Ads Again

Context for those followers of mine who weren't there: I made a post about tumblr ads being weird back in 2016 and it's literally still getting notes to this day. People responded GREAT to it. honestly, despite being like. ass old at this point and written by a literal high schooler, it's still pretty good! I thank my dad being in advertising helped significantly. I had an expert witness.

Tonight, I'm writing the sequel to that post. the sequel is this post.

let's just fucking dive into it or whatever.

why am I doing this?

okay for starters I made that post in goddamn 2016 and I refuse to believe my insights into the marketing world have not improved since then.

Also, the marketing world has CHANGED. Huge swaths of my old post are no longer relevant. What we saw with tumblr ads in 2016 was in some parts a passing fad, and in other parts the harbinger of a new wave of influencer marketing and corporate parasociality (I coined that term just now).

Honestly I've been thinking for a while that I should make an update post, but what with, yanno, adulthood, that's been kinda hard!

Well, I've missed a train, and it's Christmas, so I've finally found the time to do that.

What has Changed?

in my personal life... dad got fired! yeah it fucking sucks. the good news is he and his wife are working towards their retirement now, shifting away from the industry overall. Good news as far as life is concerned, but it does mean I no longer have as clean a connection to the Industry as I used to.

but more importantly, why he got fired. The fact is, dad's old! I know, shocker. More than just being old, though, his field (and my stepmom's field - they both did the same work) represents an older paradigm of advertisement. he did TV spots and posters, not ad reads for Raid Shadow Legends. He was great at his work, but we're in an era of data-driven, maximalist, google adsense, low-barrier-to-entry, super-fast and super-cheap digital advertisement.

Well, more specifically,

We're on the cusp of an extinction event poised to bring said era crashing to the ground.

Pictured: the current vibes in the ad world

Siberia is on Fire and Everything is Dying

So given that my typical source on stuff like this is currently unemployed, I decided to hit good ol google (well, google and duckduckgo. fitting given what we're talking about) to see if I could get any insights into what the current state of advertising is.

and the short of it is that everyone says the end is nigh. check this out:

Digital is dead, and so is TV. God fucking damn. BY THE WAY, I loved these two articles. Chris Gadek, a man I only learned about today, is clearly an excellent writer and his professional insights are probably gonna be way better than my amateur synthesis of the half-dozen different articles I read today, including his.

blatant shilling for random article writers aside, let's get on to my half-baked synthesis, starting with:

What Set Siberia on Fire

In small part, it's the same issues facing most major companies and industries in our late capitalist world: Hubris.

As this New York Times article points out, we've got a low barrier of entry into a gargantuan industry that's increasingly pumping out slop to follow a strategy of 'more is more'. And we've all seen the bizarre mobile game ads and shady scams that have resulted from THAT.

On top of that, we've also got the fucking digital privacy issue shaking up the entire world as consumers increasingly don't like being spied on (imagine that), and the EU starts rolling out heavy restrictions on the data harvesting that was fueling a bunch of this advertisement bubble.

There's also the ad fraud. Oh, you didn't hear about that? Well, it's nothing much, just that lots of bots are clicking ads to falsify click metrics, artificially inflating the effectiveness of said ads. look, it even has a wikipedia article

oh and Facebook did it. Facebook did ad fraud. :)

and I'm not even getting into everything that works to shake up or demolish basically every advertisement channel out there - the decline of cable tv and print newspapers, the increasing use of ad blockers, the crisis of consumer trust, etc etc.

In short we are looking at a multitude of micro-crises all working together to make the environment unlivable for most current forms of advertisement.

in other words: an extinction event!

Who's Gonna Survive

And just like in a real extinction event, whether or not you survive depends on how good you can adapt to the brave new world you've found yourself in. Old school advertising needs to drastically rethink their everything if they're gonna stay afloat, and every field of the industry needs to recreate itself. As my new favorite writer Chris Gadek says,

"These crises show that there are no safe havens. You can’t substitute one advertising medium for another. Rather than pivot, the advertising industry must adapt and learn to effectively use the channels at their disposal (TV included), factoring in the seismic societal and technological changes that have occurred over the past decade and beyond."

and what is that going to look like? what's going to be the new face of advertising?

The field seems torn, at first... but also aligned, at least when it comes to the core principles:

privacy is a big issue. Seems like a lot of advertisers are seeing an end to wanton consumer surveillance, and looking into less invasive ways to gather important and meaningful data

companies that rely on selling ad space and propping up their engagement metrics are going to be relied on less, probably, because the metrics themselves are being seen as less reliable (for good freaking reason)

regaining consumer trust is going to be a massive priority in the future.

overall, we're probably going to look at a massive downturn in ads, as people turn to a quality-over-quantity strategy in an attempt to stop flooding the attention marketplace.

that's the gist I'm getting from reading oh so many different articles of varying quality from so many different sources.

So, yanno, there may be some hope out there. If smart people start leading this industry (lol), we may get to actually enjoy ads.

Yeah. Enjoy ads.

Unironically.

I know, it's crazy.

PS: if you start seeing affiliate links on mainstream TV ads, thank our lord of excellent business analysis Chris Gadek for calling it early. God, that's such a crazy left-field idea and I really want it to actually happen.

#advertising #advertisement #I'm not apologizing for the chris gadek worship. it's a good running gag fuck you. #this is probably not my best work but in my defense I missed a train and also me writing this got interrupted like 3 times today #i saw a post about ads today and it made me go 'i think the internet needs to know how much this industry is on fucking fire right now' #I am correct of course. y'all need to know.

[thebaffledcaptain]

For writing purposes, have you any anecdotes from battle reenactment, or references on the battle of Yorktown (1781)?

Oh that's a fun question… my first disclaimer is that I only started reenacting fairly recently, so I only have so many anecdotes. My second disclaimer is that I definitely know more about the British side of things than the Continental side, but luckily most of the military organization and conduct was virtually the same on both sides. My last is that I am no particular expert on Yorktown specifically—I've heard they've done huge reenactments there in the past but I have not been in the hobby long enough to have gone to one, unfortunately. However, what I would be happy to talk about are some historical details you could use in setting up your scene and kind of bringing it to life, most of which only occurred to me after experiencing them firsthand!

“The Fog of War”

Which is to say, powder smoke. Great white plumes of it, tearing from muskets on every volley, drifting across the field and saturating the air with the bitter smell of sulfur. I find myself holding my breath on every volley just so I won’t inhale a big lungful of it—at certain points it’s like marching through a cloud, and humid weather can exacerbate that even further, since it won’t dissipate. And it lingers. I remember standing up at the very top of the valley at Monmouth in the evening after the first day and you could still see that smoke blurring the horizon, hours later. We tend not to think so much about it as a modern audience, but it was a huge factor in these historical battles: you could write about how it obscures the visibility, how the smell lingers, the terrifying sight of an enemy battalion emerging from the smoke with bayonets fixed…

The Scale

Let’s be honest, reenactments don’t tend to be really massive events—some events are bigger than others but overall it’s a niche hobby and even our best turnouts are nowhere near the size of these battles in reality (my regiment requires a minimum of a mere 8 members to commit to an event for us to go…). Historically you’d be having somewhere between roughly 500–700 men per regiment, divided into ten companies. As a field musician, since it would have been my job, I’m always thinking about how it would have been to actually communicate with and maneuver a group that large with only a handful of drummers and fifers per company, especially with that many other companies on the field—it’s hard enough playing for 20 something reenactors across two units! And Yorktown was one of the biggest conflicts in the war, both literally (with regard to number of men involved) and figuratively, given how decisive it was; I can only imagine how much pressure it would have been on the commanding officers as they actually made those decisions for dozens or hundreds of men. Being on the battlefield is actually rather isolating, in a way—I’ll see certain regiments in camp and then never see them on the field because we’re in completely different places, so, you know, could make for some dramatic Character Worrying in the story if you're so inclined.

Last but not least, because I’m a little biased but still feel it’s important:

The Music (and other Sounds of War)

Being on a battlefield is loud! You’ve got men roaring as they head into a bayonet charge, drumbeats punctuating shouted orders, volleys firing, the shrill sound of another company’s fifes playing on the advance. When you've got artillery you can literally feel the shots reverberate through the ground beneath your feet, even across the field. Occasionally muskets don’t fire the first round, so they get double-loaded with gunpowder on the second—the 54th had this happen at my last event and when the shot went off it was so loud it temporarily deafened the two men closest to it. War is noisy. And of course I can’t not talk about the music—you could mention the musicians switching tunes to reflect a different maneuver, or mention listening across the field, hoping to hear the Cease Fire from the enemy. Fifes are loud instruments, designed to carry across these wide-open spaces, so often you’re hearing multiple companies’ musicians on top of each other (and even on top of that, some light infantry and dragoon companies were actually using bugles instead of fifes!). On bayonet charges we play the Reveille, on the advance we tend to do British Grenadiers. When men are aiming and firing there’s a different short drum beat for every command (make ready/present/fire). Obviously it’d be a bit much to write in every one of those instances, but it kind of puts it in context how frequently you’d be hearing music on the battlefield.

Anyway. If you can’t tell I love talking about reenacting. Thanks for letting me infodump to you and, though it’s not Yorktown-specific, I hope this maybe gives you some inspiration or some contextual material to work with while you’re writing!

#I need to go to another event!!! this is making me so excited #I love to talk about reenactment. Clearly #the captain answers #amrev #revwar #god save the cheshire regiment #long post #american revolution #revolutionary war #the captain's lectures #awi

[nomadicism]

Any more thoughts about the whole Twitter situation? What do you think will happen to that site over the next while?

Hi Anon, thank you for the Ask!

By the gods, what to even say now?

I wish that I had the wit to voice my thoughts with brevity and good humor. The Twitter Musk situation is hilarious-but-also-serious, and alas, I am verbose in my thoughts and not very funny.

I'm not sure that Twitter will survive, if I have time I'll post more deeply on what I think will happen with that.

I don't follow much outside of USA Twitter, so I can see all of this going in a lot of directions, such as the platform being irrelevant in the US, while remaining utilized outside of the USA.

We can still use Twitter and curate our experience by muting every slur that ever existed while using mega block on shitty tweets to expand our block lists, but that's not gonna change the fact if Twitter survives—without Furry Musk-gland backtracking on moderation—then the winners will be authoritarian regimes and con artists. Both rely upon sowing disinformation, distrust, propaganda, and conspiracies.

There are many choice threads on Twitter that reveal the convergence of serious issues, and I don’t even know where to begin summarizing them all. I’ve included a list of URLs to a variety of threads that might be of interest. What's happening here is not a simple thing, it's bigger than one spoiled mediocre man's ego.

Content is king, and Black people did a lot of labor in creating the kind of content that draws users to Twitter. Michael Harriot of The Grio has some words.

Hark! A graph showing Mastodon new user sign up spikes plotted against new user sign-ups on Twitter

A kind and thoughtful thread by Gerard K Cohen about his team members. Their entire team (Accessibility Experience Team) was among the mass firings at Twitter last week.

Of which, the unsurprising firing of thousands of employees (not all of them whom are software engineers) potentially poses as serious legal issue for Twitter due to California’s WARN law.

Also in Ireland (though small potatoes I suppose).

Apartheid Clyde (thank you Black Twitter for this most excellent name for Elon Musk) tries to blame advertisers bailing on the platform on activists. Gets called out by the president and Chief Operating Officer of MMA Global (a multi-national marketing trade association) whom he had just had a call with.

On the value of experts discussing in an open public forum

Concerns from a Chinese dissident

Discount Stark is fact-checked on his lie about advertising

Profoundly bad business decisions. There is no 5D chess here folks. There may well be a case for Tesla stock-holders to sue for breach of fiduciary responsibility.

Being an asshole to everyone and then firing the security team (who were already pissed at you very likely) as you’re rolling out a feature that requires both financial and personal data to be transmitted and stored is beyond foolish.

Ohhhh, hmmm about those critical employees…

Some of the fired employees are here on work visas

Potentially disruptive for upcoming elections in the USA.

Listen, I work in tech. I co-founded a startup back in 2013. No job is worth a 9:30pm stand-up while your colleagues are being fired by a useless billionaire.

Does Twitter really matter though?

Learn to host your own content.

Make a list of your fave Twitter artists, authors, etc.

When parody is only comedy if it comes with a disclaimer

Comedy as a venn diagram

Use lists to get around shadow banning of un-verified accounts

Paying for verification reduces identity to a trademark. The average person does not have the resources to continuously litigate their identity, such people who are recognized experts in their field, journalists, government officials, etc will be the ones impersonated.

A must-read thread about Twitter and counter-convergence (spoiler, Harry Potter was a counter-convergence)

Faith and trust rely on knowing that people are who they claim to be when they speak on subjects with authority and expertise. Undercutting the ability of such people to verify themselves is a form of discrediting, and when that happens systematically to scientists, educators, and public servants, then we have fascist propaganda tactics on our hands.

I hope you find these useful Anon!

(Y'all give me some reblogs because I'm not sure if this post will show up organically since it has links in it.)

#twitter #blue checkmark #verification #apartheid clyde #furry musk gland takeover #ask me anything #anonymous

[themurderofcrowscollective]

'Deep within me is an eternal storm.'

I don't know what this is gonna be cause I'm higher than a kite right now, but it might have some COD (call of duty) shit in this God this weed is incredible (Adding in our OC Yasei 'Hellhound' Matsuda as the person being labeled as 'You', originally a JJBA OC but is now a multi-fandom OC)

You're a new addition to the 141. You were the best of your unit in the army, you follow orders precisely as told, and you have gone through the best of training that was offered to you as well as your intense disciplinary training. Most soldiers who worked with you deemed you a legend in the army, being one super-soldier with little to no mercy when it came to your job. You wear your scars with honor and pride, allowing the whole world to see them. Anyone who was dumb enough to try to make you feel like you were disgusting or imperfect, they had their ass put back in check after you verbally destroy them. Those who found themselves in a match against you were humiliated and taught a lesson in front of the others. Your specialty is hand-to-hand combat and martial arts, since you trained your body with the best trainers and turned your body into a weapon. An impenetrable fortress, some say. In the field, you're fierce and smart and in the base, you're the best trainer there is as well as a dedicated worker. No one knows how you do it without breaking, without showing emotion or any signs of restless nights and no sleep. Even the missions where you're kidnapped and tortured leaves everyone in awe of how you didn't break despite gaining more scars and injuries. You thought this time would be no different, this new team would be like the others where your inner turmoil is hidden by your best features and feats. Oh you are so wrong. - - - Upon arrival with your bags packed, you're met with Captain John Price on the tarmac. Everyone around you are either returning or leaving for missions, but some stop to glance at you and stare in shock. Anyone who had a friend in the army told them about you anyways, but they still were surprised. " Captain John Price, you're Lieutenant Yasei 'Hellhound' Matsuda right? " " Indeed, it's an honor to meet you sir. " Price chuckles as he leads you inside, anyone who wasn't busy stopping to look at you in surprise. A few even quickly saluted to you, but you didn't do anything except walk past them. First Price shows you to your new room, letting you place your bags on the floor before he takes you to the lounge reserved for the 141. " Lads, meet the new addition to our team. " He says as you both walk in, the people sitting down looking at you instantly. You only seem to recognize one person, that being John 'Soap' MacTavish who seems to instantly remember you. " Matsuda? " " MacTavish. " He starts beaming like crazy, he used to come to you for advice on new detonations as he wanted to become a demolitions expert before the pair of you separated. " I'll be damned, I ne'er thought I'd see you joinin' us. " You nod with your eyes closed, opening them again and focusing on the others. " To those who don't know me, I am Lieutenant Yasei Matsuda but you're free to call me 'Hellhound'. " You seem to lock eyes on the man who stands up and approaches you, donning a skull mask. " Lieutenant Simon Riley, also known as Ghost. Welcome to the team. " You both shake hands for a bit, Ghost returning the firm grip you have on him. The next to introduce himself is Sergeant Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick, another named Gary 'Roach' Sanderson and then two operators; Konig and Kim 'Horangi' Hong-jin. Price told you about Alejandro Vargas and Rodolfo Parra once they got done with their introductions, that the pair are on a mission currently. Price then speaks to the others. " Matsuda's paperwork is still processing but the higher ups allowed her to transfer here, so for the next few days, she will not be placed in missions yet but each of you three will be paired with her while she is on training duty. " He looks to Ghost, Gaz and Soap as he finishes speaking, the three nodding. " You're free to go now, see you at dinner. " And with that, you immediately leave. You have to unpack and head to the gym asap anyways.

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Eye of the World! Chapter 45: What Follows in Shadow

What do I even need to say at this point? There's going to be spoilers for the whole Wheel of Time series in this post? Block the tags? Some kind of quip about the picture here being the result of seeing spoilers and/or protection against it? Not so. This place is far too decayed to be much of anything, anymore.

Not so for the chapter though! It starts with an icon of the Flame of Tar Valon, another reflection of how the crew would have died so many times in these early days if it weren't for Moiraine keeping them going.

“I had not dreamed the decay had gone so far. If the bridges themselves are breaking, it may be that I cannot find the path you want. It may be that I cannot find a path back, either. The bridges could be falling behind us even now.”

It's cute that Loial assumes any amount of significant decay means the whole thing must be collapsing as they speak. Everything must seem hasty to an Ogier.

Rand took the bay up beside the Ogier. “When this is over, Loial, you show me your stedding, and I’ll show you Emond’s Field. No Ways, though. We’ll walk, or ride, if it takes all summer.”

I hope that they do get to do this, after everything is over. Loial absolutely deserves to know Rand is alive - once he's published his book - and getting to be road trip buddies is exactly what they'd both love.

The Aes Sedai rubbed her fingers against her palms distastefully. “You feel the taint, the corruption of the Power that made the Ways. I will not use the One Power in the Ways unless I must. The taint is so strong that whatever I tried to do would surely be corrupted.”

Was it even safe to channel in the Ways back before the corruption? The place is so orthogonal to normal reality that you'd think the Power would be weird here as a general rule.

“People there mentioned a gleeman, but they said nothing of him dying. They would have, I think, if a gleeman had been killed. Whitebridge is not so big as for a gleeman to be a small thing. And Thom is a part of the Pattern that weaves itself around you three. Too important a part, I believe, to be cut off yet.”

No body = no death. It's a trope that's about as old as storytelling, so Rand should be ashamed of himself for not being sufficiently genre savvy.

Rand found himself grinning back. Burn me, if I didn’t come out best for a change. I wish I knew as much about women as Perrin.

This is possibly the only time that it makes sense for one of the boys to assume that another boy is more of an expert than him, what with Perrin being solely responsible for this victory by mentioning Aram while Egwene's getting jealous about Min. I'm really glad we're basically done with this because this version of Egwene is annoying. I miss likable Egwene.

As she passed from him to Mat, he wondered if she thought it was that simple, that she could tell him he was safe and he would believe it. But somehow he did feel safe—safer, at least. Thinking that, he drifted into sleep and did not dream.

Sounds like it is that simple, Rand. Placebos are powerful things!

Lan pushed the bow down before Mat could nock another. “Stop that, you village idiot. There’s no way to tell who it is.”

Let's just all appreciate how wonderful life can be when Lan snarks. I am willing to pardon the show for most all the rest of its Episode 7 & 8 awfulness that couldn't be helped because of COVID and Harris leaving but that was no reason for them not to steal Disney's CGI actor insertion tech just so that we could hear Daniel Henney say those words.

“If you fall behind, Warder,” Loial said firmly, “you’ll spend the rest of your life in the Ways. Even if you can read Ogier, I have never heard or read of a human who could find his path off the first Island lacking an Ogier guide. Can you read Ogier?”

Didn't humans make this place, Loial? Surely those dudes were able to go between the first steddings to connect them?

The Aes Sedai faced them calmly. “Trollocs.” She ignored their frightened gasps. “Or Fades. Those are Trolloc runes. The Trollocs have discovered how to enter the Ways. That must be how they got to the Two Rivers undiscovered; through the Waygate at Manetheren. There is at least one Waygate in the Blight.” She glanced toward Lan before continuing; the Warder was far enough away that only the faint light of his lantern could be seen.

Moiraine is normally so subtle and here she's just going, "Great job to your family for making our lives so much harder, Lan. Shame they couldn't hold Malkier for just five more decades. It only lasted a thousand years before they fucked it up."

Moiraine might not have believed a trap could be set for them, but for all the haste she spoke of, she made them travel more slowly than before, pausing before letting them onto any bridge, or off one onto an Island. She would step Aldieb forward, feeling the air in front of her with an outstretched hand, and not even Loial, or Lan, was allowed to go ahead until she gave permission.

I really wonder what she's up to here. She says she's not channeling in the Ways unless absolutely necessary, so it can't be any active probing with saidar. Moiraine also can't sense anything happening with saidin at all, so that doesn't work. Are the circumstances so dire that she's channeling a very small weave of the power, wiggling it around in the hopes of finding somewhere it can't go because there's already saidin, and then letting go as quickly as possible?

Loial pulled his horse up just short of the next Island and cocked his head to listen. Slowly his face paled, and he licked his lips. “Machin Shin,” he whispered hoarsely. “The Black Wind. The Light illumine and protect us. It’s the Black Wind.”

Machin Shin is that delightful third ingredient in the inhuman cess pit that Padan Fain is about to become. It's another standout bit of weirdness in that like Mashadar we don't really get any hint as to why metaphysical evil should suddenly take animate form. There's lots of theories about where the wind really comes from, both semi-credible (another Ba'alzamon project, since the Ways only started going dark around the time of Hawkwing) and bizarre (a parasite that infected the Ways even though most parasites need some kind of reason to exist), and we get neither answer nor (unlike mashadar) resolution. Perhaps Jordan intended for the Ways to be cleared out during the Last Battle as part of some desperate gambit to save Caemlyn? We'll never know.

Moiraine raised her staff and flame lanced from the end of it. It was not the pure, white flame that Rand remembered from Emond’s Field, and the battle before Shadar Logoth. Sickly yellow streaked through the fire, and slow-drifting flecks of black, like soot. A thin, acrid smoke drifted from the flame, setting Loial coughing and the horses dancing nervously, but Moiraine thrust it at the gates. The smoke rasped Rand’s throat and burned his nose.

Pro-tip should you ever find yourself in an extra-dimensional singularity with keyed points of egress: Do not try to burn through the barriers! It will not end well and depending on just how badly you bork space-time it may not appreciably end.

The wind shrieked in agony; it screamed in rage. The thousand murmurs that hid in the wind roared like thunder, roars of madness, half-heard voices cackling and howling promises that twisted Rand’s stomach as much by the pleasure in them as by what he almost understood them to say.

It's interesting that Rand's first true taste of madness isn't from channeling at all, huh? If I'd told you this paragraph was part of his Callandor sequence in Path of Daggers, wouldn't you have been pretty likely to believe me?

Flesh so fine, so fine to tear, to gash the skin; skin to strip, to plait, so nice to plait the strips, so nice, so red the drops that fall; blood so red, so red, so sweet; sweet screams, pretty screams, singing screams, scream your song, sing your screams. . . .

Another great mantra for meditating to! Always sing your screams folks!

“There is worse to be faced yet,” Moiraine said softly. Rand did not think she meant it to be heard.

She meant for you to hear it Rand, just not any of the others, or the political queen here woulda kept her mouth entirely shut.

And now it's time for me to close my mouth, folks. See you next time as we finally make it to Fal Dara and get the real dangers going!

#let's read #wheel of time #wot #robert jordan #wheel of time spoilers #wot spoilers #rand al'thor #loial #nynaeve al'meara #moiraine damodred #perrin aybara #mat cauthon #egwene al'vere #lan mandragoran #padan fain

[starres-stuff]

FFXIV Writes 2023 | Day 8 | Shed

The Sharlayan finally meets his birth mother, Saphelle and in turn, learns more of the Jienuex Family Secrets.

Three days later, after meeting his Sister, Dimitri found himself sitting in the apartment of one Saphelle Jienuex waiting for the Medic to get her ready for their scheduled visit and for the Sharlayan it was one of the most distressing periods of waiting he had even gone through. He had never been good at it as far back as he remembered but he doubted anything could ever surpass this moment. After all, it wasn’t every day you sat around and waited to meet your birth Mother.

It was an odd request, to begin with for when his Sister said they would be going to Gridania he expected to find his Mother in a bed at Stillglade Fane with conjurers bustling about to deliver her care by the bell. While those watching over her at the apartment were conjurers dispatched to do just that, he could not quite comprehend how a woman in her condition was allowed to be comfortably at home, especially when it was well known the spark of life was fading in her.

“She will see you now Ser.” The soft voice beckoned to him, and his head lifted to gaze at the quite short and plump woman who waved her hand toward him. She couldn’t have been more than twenty-one or two years old and yet she was considered an expert in her field already, having studied her path since she was a wee one of just five summers old. If this had been Sharlayan and she had shown such skill at such a tender age she would have been put over the Forums thumb just like he had been and taught how to control her magic. Yet from observing her he could tell that this had not been the case for her as she showed no sign of restraint, only a kind heart and a warm smile.

“Ah yes thank you,” Dimitri said as he rose from the stark white couch, and smoothed out his equally as white Sharlayan Dress Robes. It was one thing that had made him comfortable as he waited, though, at the same time, he found himself wondering if his Mother had been a Sharlayan who escaped the Island in their youth. There was that much white surrounding him. So much in fact that even the oversized cat she had, Lord Harrington, he was called was mostly white with small patches of brown and orange marking his fur in places.

It took him a few moments of standing before his Mother’s door before he finally balled up his hand and knocked upon it, listening for a voice to invite him in which came in short order, the heavily accented Ishgardian voice much like his sisters made him once again glad that he could speak any language he met fluently in a matter of minutes and with a deep breath he finally made his way into the room not truly knowing what he would find there.

“Dimitri, at last we meet. I apologize that it is at such a grim time such as my death.” Hands that appeared to be no more than thirty summers reached out to him, and uncanny ruby-toned eyes met him with a smile forming just under the very prominent nose that she possessed. There were no signs of the illness he had been told of, just a tired look in her eyes. The rest was as if a snake had shed their skin for a visit with its unsuspecting next meal. The things his Sister had told him of their Mother made him wary when he found a far different woman in her bed.

“I am Saphelle, you may call me that for comfort. I do not expect you to call me Mother for I have not been one. Please will you sit? You are far more handsome than your Sister said and you look exactly like her which means you take after my side of the family, Halone blesses us for small miracles.” Even the praise made his skin crawl as if he was being manipulated into forgiving for all she had done. It was almost as unsettling as the things he had noted in her room tools of ritual practices and grimoire-style books. This visit swiftly became something that Dimitri wished not to be part of, yet sit he did.

“I am certain you have questions for me Dimitri.” Saphelle turned under her covers to face him, she looked so youthful to him, even her movements had a spry feeling to them but that was the way of the Sorceresses he had met and those who beseech the Void for its blessings.

“You are not what I expected, Saphelle.” He replied as he examined her long black hair, and her pale face for signs of himself which he found rather quickly without much struggle. “When I heard how ill you were I was not expecting you to be this lucid or talkative. So I suspect there is more to this than I have been told by anyone. That is the question I would like answered.”

For a moment her eyes darkened, a mirror of pitch black that he could see himself in and then she let out a long sigh. “Very well if I must, obviously I cannot fool you as I can your Sister. I had concerns about that when I was told that you were trained in and a professor of the occult arts, but I had to take my chances. I guess it now remains how you will receive what I have to say.” From her bedside, she took a cigarette holder and into it, she placed a hand-rolled cigarette even the leafing around it was black, likely a favorite color or something that held a symbology to her.

“My name is Numeria Ichatan, or it was when I lived on the Thirteenth, a curl of ebon flame engulfed the tip of her cigarette and suddenly it smoked violently her words coming through the cloud that obscured her. “I have been sworn to your family as long as I can remember, from the time of Mhach would be my best guess as I learned your history. From generation to generation I roamed imprisoned by those before you to serve them until the birth of your Mother.” A hush fell over her as she puffed on the stem of the holder, watching Dimitri for any kind of movement, scale after proverbial scale that stacked one on top of the other peeling away as she revealed her truth to him.

“On the eve of her twenty-first birthday, Saphelle called me forth and begged me to help her. Her father was a disturbing man that I care not to divulge much of and her Mother allowed him to be that way. All she wanted was to be free of them, of that which she had endured and it was that night she entered into a pact with me. I gave her the power to do what she felt she must and she agreed to let me have her body after she passed. You see I am what your kind calls a Succubus, we can only stay here if we possess the body of a dead woman, otherwise we are forever condemned to the Void and its dalliances.”

Dimitri found himself sitting forward, every fiber of his being screaming for him to exorcize Numeria from his Mother’s form, force the snake to shed what was not hers, and yet she was so willing to speak to him that he found he could not move a single muscle to change anything about this moment. “Is there a contract I might view to confirm what you tell me is not just another lie constructed by a putrid creature without any form of mortal ground?” His voice was low, his words contained a slight hiss and there was a tightness in his face.

“Yes” the reply came simply, and with it, she leaned to the bedside table again and produced the contract that had been signed that night. “She was very by the letter your Mother, everything had its place and anything should be written on paper to confirm its truth. You will find it all there complete with her signature and my pact seal. That mark used to be on this form until I took it over and it became mine. There is a reason I have concocted this Dimitri, that you must understand.”

Out, the Sharlayan’s hand reached for the papers, and carefully he read through them line by line as he focused on the voice that spoke to him. “Were you in there when I was conceived? Or was it still here? How long has Saphelle been deceased and why has my sister never been told?” His questions were simple and tinged with curiosity but soon he found himself satisfied with the legal documents that he paged through.

“No, I was not involved in your conception dear, or any of your siblings for that matter. I have only been in this form for the better part of ten years at this point. Your Mother succumbed to old injuries and heartbreak then.” A long drag was taken from the cigarette before she continued with all she had to confess to him.

“ There is a tale of a Dragon’s bite in the family book at the Manor.” Fingers tapped her left side then. "They told her that it would greatly reduce her life when it was inflicted, she was very lucky she had survived the original incident at all.” A serious look appeared on the creature's face as she found Dimitri’s eyes upon her once more, his fingers clutching the document tightly.

“She was once a Dragoon, your Mother, a proud and talented one at that but the death of a daughter, the abandonment of a husband, and the kidnapping of a second daughter eventually wore her down. It was five years before the rescue of your Sister, Seri as she prefers to be called, from the clutches of the Lambs that the real Saphelle lost her fight.” Here was when Dimitri began to consider the Serpent cared for his Sister, for her face showed a sadness that was not easy to be falsified especially by her ilk with their lack of emotions.

“Why did you not just disappear when you claimed the form, did you get off on parading around as an Ishgardian Noble woman?” It was a bold question and an angry one, even his teeth gritted tightly after he spit out the words.

“I loved your Mother.” She admitted another drag from her cigarette was taken. “Not in the way you would think either. I respected her, the search for her daughter, and her devotion to her City. It was not her time to go Dimitri; her work here was not done.”

To Be Continue

#ffxivwrite2023 #my writing #my ocs #family drama #secrets are great arent they #voidsent #ffxiv rp #Dimitri Stories

[datamodel-of-disaster]

The Riemann Report: January

I suppose you could say my New Year’s resolution was to do more… idk, real-feeling things. Stuff that feels tangible, like I actually do something with my time and my life.

So… as the year started, I’ve started reading books, again. My result stack for January is small but proud. A shitty job, mental health issues, and life events kinda stole all my attention span and drive to pursue real hobbies last year, so knowing I’m coming from rock bottom I’m genuinely happy with my progress. So… behold the books I finished!

And well… since this is sort of a “book report”, you can find my opinion on them below the cut!

Purple Hibiscus - Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie

Am I late to this party? Probably. But holy shit. A genuine page turner, somehow, despite the subject matter. If you’d told me I’d find a book about a domestic abuse situation this hard to put down I wouldn’t have believed it, and yet. There I was, sneaking pages while on the toilet at work, completely enthralled. I can’t explain it, you have to read it yourself.

Delta of Venus - Anaïs Nin

Anaïs Nin should be glad she wrote long before the advent of TikTok, because this book is Problématique (and proud to be so). A series of erotic short stories that read like snapshots from a parallel universe, like a voyeur’s dream -where every action is titillation, every body exists to be seen and fucked, and cheating, prostitution and even assault are but sexy games people play. The only jobs anyone seems to have are model and painter -and even those are but an excuse to get up to sexy shenanigans. In short: it’s absolutely delightful. A peak into the pornoverse, anno 1940.

In Praise of Older Women - Stephen Vicinczey

A fake memoir of a Hungarian man with a remarkable life. At once a ridiculous tall tale, a sexy fantasy, and a surprisingly convincing “true to life” narrative, always balancing on the very edge of believable. Excellent read. Avoid if you are easily upset by…. Let’s call it non-ideal sexual situations.

The Field Guide to Understanding “Human Error” - Sidney Dekker

A bit of nonfiction. Sidney Dekker talks about plane crashes and offshore oil rig accidents, from the perspective of a safety expert and accident investigator -but underneath the specific examples, he talks about the human condition and its many pitfalls and logical fallacies. About how to approach the aftermath of disaster with willingness to understand rather than eagerness to condemn. About what “safety” actually is, and how it can be both built up and eroded in human interaction. Highly recommend even if you work a desk job.

En Dan Nog Iets - Paulien Cornelisse

A Dutch book! Title translates as “And Another Thing”, but I’d wish anyone luck trying to translate the contents. Written by a Dutch cabaretière, it’s a collection of witty observations of the Dutch language in its natural habitat -with its idioms, expressions, trendy words, but mostly, the many almost untranslatable ways people give themselves away in the way they talk.

Girls in White Dresses - Jennifer Close

Did I like this book, or did I find it horrendous? Both. The blurb on the back sells it as a chick lit about a group of women who struggle with romance while continuing to attend the weddings of others. What it actually is, is a painfully astute dissection of life in your twenties and thirties, in all its small-minded, vapid, petty, anxiety-riddled, hopeful, generous, and truly all-too-human glory. “Relatable!”, the blurb promises. I’d say, take that as a threat.

The Social Life of Information - John Seely Brown and Paul Duguid

More non-fiction. An IT book from the year 2000, I can hear you think “what relevance does that even have anymore?” -and you’d be surprised. Most of the book is not about tech. It’s about people, and how people form an indispensable part of any IT ecosystem. It’s remarkable, how relevant much of the contents still are, from the isolation of the home office, the battle against bad actors on the Internet, and the difficulties of transferring knowledge, to the endurance of paper within the office and the value of informal information exchange. A niche read, but valuable.

The Hotel Life - Javier Montes

Did I like this book? No. Would I recommend it? Also no. Was it memorable? Very. This book was at once boring and baffling. Nothing happens for ages; the narrator is not particularly interesting, even as he sinks into an increasingly unhinged parasocial fascination with a female porn director he met only once. There’s nothing sexy or even fascinatingly dark about the main character even as he essentially becomes a stalker. He’s boring, even while insane. (There’s also an almost random murder near the end that happens bizarrely blasé and doesn’t get addressed?) Anyway. A book like a developing psychosis. Proof no one becomes interesting by going mad.

….

Let’s hope I also manage to read some the coming month!

#the Riemann Report #january reads #book list #books i’ve read #bookblr #book pile #book review #mini reviews #books and reading

[xerxeswitch]

Spirit “Keeping”

(This is a repost from my other account)

...

Yeah, I know it’s a very random topic from me, but it’s something I am passionate about, and it has been on my mind for a bit.

I’m not here to tell anyone I’m an expert, (I don’t believe in experts for spirituality; it’s extremely important to have a student mindset, for they are open to more information)...but I am really wanting to help out with some grounded tips. Just giving food for thought when you’re trying to get into spirit keeping...or currently working with these entities/spirits.

This isn’t a blog to explain why they want to be your friends, and this isn’t to educate you about things like faeries or dragons. Each bond is entirely different.

As a warning, I’m not sugarcoating. I’m not trying to scare everyone away from this, but this is to help keep new people stay on their toes, or remind those like me who are doing this. I made my mistakes as a learning experience as well -- I’m not above that, and I can only try to give my piece to help others who are interested.

Take it with a grain of salt.

This is mostly just pragmatic advice.

----

1. Don’t jump on it as soon as you hear about spirit keeping.

In my couple of years also learning about what it is, I held off for a long, long time. That’s because you’re faced with the reality that you’re dealing with something that is non-physical, possibly non-human, and something that will probably outlive your vessel to where they're possibly waiting for you when you pass. In other words, this isn’t like getting a pet. They are intelligent sentient people like you and I, and they got different personalities and different levels of tolerance. This is a very serious commitment. I would HIGHLY recommend you start learning and becoming aware of your own energy, and at least do some shadow work. Take the time to get to know yourself as much as you can...because when you start spirit keeping, you’ll really start to learn a lot about yourself, in ways you might not want to know at that point. Also, research, research, research! It’s not easy to find this sort of research at times, but just make sure you get the base idea.

Do NOT go in if it majorly feeds to fulfill a fantasy, or your ego -- but I think that's a very easy thing to go into, but you'll grow through the experience.

You don't want to abuse the entity or misuse the bond in general because you won't like what awaits you when you pass over.

---

2. There is no such thing as “keeping” in spirit keeping.

You don’t “keep” a spirit. They are not your slaves. Keeping a spirit in one place or “binded” to you on restricted terms isn’t right or really real. Most spirits/entities are not truly “binded” to an item/vessel, it’s a checkpoint base for them. It makes it easier to gain access and anchor near you and in your field. Think about it, when you are a spirit or entity yourself one day, would you like to be kept in one place for long periods of time? Energy is never stagnate. That includes you. My own Family don’t usually need a vessel at this point, but they can just go in and out whenever they please.

They can tap in then tap out to check how you’re doing if they care enough. If you call them for help, they can choose whether or not to arrive to help you -- depends on how you treat them.

You guys aren’t best friends as soon as the terms are accepted to be around, you need to work up your bonds naturally with them. You know...similar to having human friends. Forcing a bond will obviously end pretty badly for you...

Don’t forget they got their own lives apart from yours, and vice versa. If you have any issues with being controlling, do not go into this.

They are not your collections either. I met people who went with this mentality, and they realized they really bit off more than they could chew.

---

3. Buying spirits/entities are 95% false.

I frown upon buying entities and spirits for many reasons. I do not believe in putting a price on life. I find it extremely odd on the concept to “buy” a companion. First of all, I’ve seen most of these entities are bound against their will -- aka, spirit trafficking. I’ve seen many entities and spirits conditioned against their will to be a “dragon king that brings wealth” or an “incubus to provide gratification.” OR, they created servitors to fill a role for what they’re supposedly are by function. (A servitor is a near non-sentient energy that is created and programmed to play the intended part.) The very thought makes me shudder.

They may say one thing for what they’re sold for, but they have to keep up an image out of the trauma of what they went through. Yeah, you get the point. It’s immoral. Plus, countless sellers you will meet are just hoaxes who prey on people’s loneliness and desires, and turn it into profit. In almost all cases, you’ll just have an overpriced cheap necklace/ring; an empty vessel.

If the person is selling a “vessel” or a spirit binding that is suppose to help you with wealth, love, your wildest dreams, etc...run away.

Plus, there are many shops who will defeat the purpose by asking you preferences of what kind of spirit you like, instead of it being channeled naturally to find an entity/spirit who will step forward to match yours.

If it’s not spirit trafficking or hoaxes, they could also be malicious or trickster energies that will take advantage of an inexperienced seller, and parade that they’re your “seraphim angel” to infiltrate and eat your life away -- telling you sweet empty promises and words you want to hear.

So, I do not consider buying spirits/entities even an option.

The one time I did so was because it was screaming for help. To this day, it has a hard time to decide what it wants for itself due to its conditioning, but fortunately, the spirit is learning to make decisions on its own.

Last but not least, I don’t see a lot of spirits/entities who are “bound” to an item or to your essence quite naturally if it’s done by a seller. You really think a “binding spell” is going to keep them down? Do you really think they’ll want to stick around you in general, if you treat it like it should revolve around you? It can easily just break away and laugh at you -- while you think it’s somehow still around -- or they could have switched places with another entity to deal with you. (Unless that binding is actually pretty strong...)

HOWEVER, there is a very small percentage of sellers who are legitimate. I will not suggest anyone since I still don’t recommend it. Yes, I understand that there are real, true to heart conjurors (or spirited conjurors) who aren’t selling the spirit but used the money for the effort for conjuring, vetting, etc., but it won’t change my mind that a lot of these shops are flat out scams. To be honest, there’s something strange  and off to me about spending money to have someone in your energy, than having a spirit who wanted to be in your energy to begin with down the line, but that’s just me. If you’re curious on how to get one without that option, then I would look a little bit closer to home. I’m sure you had entities and spirits who were working in the background who wanted to work with you on their own, while also getting their fair share. Read their aura and their intentions carefully. I would not recommend giving any offerings unless you are sure.

I personally didn’t buy my Family. They were with me as a child, and still are here today. But enough about that. The bigger picture is: ward up, get into a meditative state, understand the responsibility you will have, and just ask whom is willing to step through. If you’re unsure about the situation, you can ask to be accompanied by a trusted friend who is familiar with the concept.

Remember, you don't choose them. They choose you.

If you don't like who steps in, you can politely turn them down. Who you end up with is a reflection of your own energy, since it's all about the best match for you.

That just means they're may be adjustments you need to do for yourself. Aka, shadow work.

---

4. Let it build naturally.

I would highly recommend not setting idealistic expectations. Don’t pressure them to be your lover, the sister or mother you never had, or your best friend even. Just get to know one another.

---

5. This isn’t roleplaying.

It should self explain itself, but I do see that a lot going on. I don’t think it’ll be very pleasant for the spirits/entities to be represented through things they never said, or would do realistically. It’s not very respectful either. They’re not an extension of you to show off. Let’s just admit it, spirit keeping is great but it’s a breeding ground for narcissists to ruin the party.

---

6. Please don’t force them to be your favorite fictional character...

I thought this is common sense, but I do see this from time to time. I never thought I had to type that but here we are, and this goes along with roleplaying. I really did delve into this and tried to be open about why that was a concept, but it seems illogical as it can later be probably immoral in a very self centered sense. That’s just me though. If your spirit wants to take the form of...something from a media piece under the circumstances to help you, then sure. One of my Family members did something similar when I was a child going through some rough times. (I would be scared shitless if I saw their real forms then) But if you’re trying to force them to shapeshift into something you like and slowly give into a fantasy to escape from your life interacting with your favorite character? That’s just mentally harmful. Please seek professional help if it gets to Randy Stair level. 

---

7. Keep a diary.

The one sure way that this connection is positive is to keep track of the quality of your life. How it’s going in your life, your health, and your mental health. If you notice there’s a decline ever since they came in, that could be a sign that they're not your friends. If it’s for other reasons, just talk to them about what’s going on with you. (It would be nice to also ask how they’re doing too. Communication is key in any type of relationship)

---

8. It’s not recommended to “bind” someone to your essence or soul directly.

Pragmatically, this is just common sense 101. For you and the entity’s safety, you don’t just siphon a foreign essence or energy into your own directly, without getting to know them extremely intimately.

It’s like taking in a stranger you JUST met into your home and giving them your bank account information, your social security number, access to your birth certificate, and seeing your browsing history.

This may just be me, but I like to take things with great caution -- set up a ward against the entity and slowly ease it off as you get to know each other. You are literally inviting a stranger into your home.

I’m pretty sure they’re doing the same thing when they first meet you. Don’t force yourselves to be comfortable even if you guys seem sure of each other. Build up your relationship, your trust, get to know what pushes each other’s buttons, look for patterns in their behaviors and how they affect your life. Do this in months or even years if you have to. Write down a diary, catch any off behaviors and emotions you feel.

If you REALLY want to get to the point of them anchoring to your energy directly, they better offer to do the same and make sure it’s legit. This is an extremely vulnerable act. This is an extremely intimate suggestion that can create lasting effects, and it can last longer than your lifetime. They don’t call it “Marrying their energy” for a reason.  

---

9. Don’t let a narcissistic “spiritual” figure steer your journey. (Aka, manipulation)

I truly do believe any spiritual or religious subject is a notorious breeding ground for narcissistic/pretentious individuals to thrive. The fact is, there is no “one way.” Everyone has different levels and different buttons that shouldn’t be pushed, as well as different risks.

However, the ground rules that are obvious is the fact that both sides of this deal should be treated with basic respect, unless there isn’t any.

I’m talking about the people who are going to say to you:

...

-”This type of spirit only does this kind of offering.”

-”Your spirits/entities actually despise you. You must do this.” (Unless you’re actually being an outright jerk)

-”It doesn’t resonate with me or my journey, so that means yours is incorrect.” (Again, unless your morality is messed up)

-”I’ve been doing this for (insert X amount) of years, ”I’m a high priest/priestess/cult leader/speaker, etc. etc. I know what I’m doing/I’m an expert. You have to do what I say because of my seniority. Don’t worry, I’ve been where you are.”

-“I know everything about dragons/faeries/angels, etc. Your spirit isn’t one of them because I say so.”

-“You and your entity don’t follow Love and Light. Positive vibes only. Spirits don’t have egos, so you’re the problem. So bless bless bless. Nameste, nameste, nameste.”   AKA, people who are spiritually bypassing.

...

The bottom line is, everyone participating in this, is ENTIRELY different as I said before. Each entity would want their own personal energy or materials that don’t fit in a box of expectations. Just because it works for one person very nicely, doesn’t mean it’ll work for the next person or for the entity/spirit. (Heck, think of it this way too: no entity is perfect to give you perfect tips as well. But it depends of course)  Who knows! You’d probably know what’s happening better than anyone else -- trust your gut and use common sense. Don’t believe everything “an expert” tells you on how to run your own show unless it’s morally messed up.

In reality, there’s a lot of things we humans don’t really absolutely know, and there are so many interpretations.

Even for my own views, again, take it with a grain of salt.

---

10. Some entities will have their own moral code outside of yourself, or even outside of humanity's. They're not perfect.

If humans can't all have the same moral code or opinions as the next person, why should these entities do? It's a whole culture of its own and vastly more. Even they clash among themselves on what is logical right than the other. Don't expect you guys to just agree with each other all the time, I got entities in my Family who had different code of morals themselves and since they’re not human, they don’t have that same sentiment at times of what is acceptable or not. It’s a matter of being on each other’s level when working with each other.

11. Set your boundaries!

I cannot stress how important this would be. It’s like having a roommate. You set the rules and you guys meet in the middle for adjustments. There should be no absolute catering here. If that entity/spirit is not honoring them, kick them out. I personally don’t care if they claim to be a “god,” I will not hesitate to make sure they’re out of there if they’re not respectful themselves. Period. (An entity/spirit using the “god” title to exempt themselves will make me more inclined to actually never let them in)

You matter too.

--

I hope you find this helpful.

These are just my thoughts about the whole concept.

I’ll probably edit it later down the near future if there’s anything else.

#spirit keeping #spirit companion #spirituality #spiritualism #companion #spirits #entities

[waitingforwinterwinds]

ASOS; Steel and Snow: 15 JON II (pages 202-219)

Jon counts the giants, enjoys the latest songfic interlude, then has to answer some hard questions as Mance's scouts discover the aftermath of the Epilogue at the Fist.

-

"Big enough for you?" Snowflakes speckled Tormund's broad face, melting in his hair and beard.

gentle like a lover's kiss ahem. sorry, I just came from some pure, 300% crack fic in another fandom, my brain is... I might need a moment. Just got to remind myself Tormund is older, and Jon is younger, than their show counterparts.

... yep, that seems to have worked, I think the giggle-brain is off. We'll see if it stays that way.

In Old Nan's stories, giants were outsized men who lived in colossal castles, (...) These were something else, more bearlike than human, and as wooly as the mammoths they rode. Seated it was hard to say how big they turly were. Ten feet tall maybe, or twelve, Jon thought. Maybe fourteen, but no taller. Their sloping chests might have passed for those of men, but their arms hung down too far, and their lower torsos looked half again as wide as their upper. Their legs were shorter than their arms, but very thick, and they wore no boots at all; their feet were broad splayed things, hard and horny and black. Neckless, their huge heavy heads thrust forward from between their shoulder blades, and their faces were squashed and brutal. Rats' eyes no larger than beads were almost lost within folds of horny flesh, but they snuffled constantly, smelling as much as they saw. They're not wearing skins, Jon realized. That's hair. (...) And Joramun blew the Horn of Winter, and woke the giants from the earth. (...) The song never says if the horn can put them back to sleep.

Huh. GRRM gave us something so alien, something ancient and primal, and D&D gave us... well:

A more handsome Qui-gon Jin in skins. (Went looking for Wun Wun reference pictures and made myself sad. It's okay, they only killed him off in the show because they didn't want to use their budget for the cg needed to paste him into the shots. he's fine. don't tell me if he's not. Let me have this.)

D&D suck at their job = 🍷 ... hmmm... Horn of Winter = 🥛

I am a man of the Night's Watch, he reminded himself. So why did he feel like some blushing maid. He spent most of his days in Ygritte's company, and most nights as well. ... Lately, though, he was noticing some other things. When she grinned, the crooked teeth didn't seem to matter. And maybe her eyes were too far apart, but they were a pretty blue-grey color, and lively as any eyes he knew. Sometimes she sang in a low husky voice that stirred him. And sometimes by the cookfire when she sat hugging her knees with the flames waking echoes in her red hair, and looked at him, just smiling... well, that stirred some things as well. But he was a man of the Night's Watch, her had taken a vow.

So at the moment, it does seem like his lack of interest is more about the vow, than actual lack of interest, but, at the same time, it's never going to be that simple because Jon is undercover, and any relationship between them would be under false pretenses, with possible Stockholm flavouring on the side.

(Stockholm Syndrome isn't real, but you all know what I mean when I say it. Clarifying that: apparently Stockholm Syndrome was originally invented to discredit a woman (a bank teller) after a bank hold up, during which time the only person with any power over the event who wasn't (effectively) fully prepared for her to die in the event, was one of the bank robbers. The "negotiation expert" who had a psych background and had actually made everything worse every time he opened his mouth, invented what would later come to be called Stockholm Syndrome, because she (the bank teller) tried to tell the world he sucked at his job. As far as I know, it's not really a recognised thing in the psych field itself, you only really see it bandied about with cops and feds and the like. That said, humans really will attempt to pack bond with anything, even under duress, and even subconsciously. Alpha Male Swag Bros, miss me with your Lone Wolf Bullshit.)

Although, while we're on the subject:

Hey Robb! Look how easy it is to keep it in your pants for a vow.

I know, I know, he was emotionally compromised, I'm being mean to him. Too mean, especially given... future relationship evolution. That, may or may not, go on to seal his doom. and the doom of his entire faction.

Varamyr Sixskins, a small mouse of a man whose steed was a savage white snow bear that stood thirteen feet tall on its hind legs. And wherever the bear and Varamyr went three wolves and a shadowcat came following.

"Sixskins" because he can warg into the skins of five animals? So he has six skins including his human skin? Pokemon, gotta wear 'em all.

If that is the case, I've got to wonder if being the recipient of a warg changes the subtle nature and awareness of the animal for the five creatures to be ... well maybe not safe for public, but tamed enough I suppose.

... Jon's making a good point, Mance's warriors being spread out means they have no solid defense anywhere along the train, but, given that it's a refugee caravan in reality, it's actually pretty smart to spread the warriors out. It ensures that where ever a threat comes from, there will be someone close by to respond quickly, and given everything, the only things around that could cut through the host quickly and violently enough to make the warriors pointless no matter how closely group they are, would be maybe the Watch, but more likely: The Others and their Wights.

"Ooooooh, I am the last of the giants, my people are gone from the earth."

oh.

The video I grabbed Wun Wun screenshots from was set to this song. I'm not crying. you're crying. Okay, It's me. I'm crying.

Gosh, I was literally just listening to this song and I was thinking "fuck this slaps, came straight for my feels, this has to be a fan song right? specifically written for this? It's too perfect not to be."

and it was GRRM! He wrote it!

... and D&D fucking cut it from the show like it meant nothing. They cut so much of the music from the show, like the books have had at least two, three songfic chapters by now, plus there's been, what? a dozen references to music going on in the background of various scenes, music and song is so present in A Song of Ice and Fire, you'd think D&D would have kept more of it. Oh, but I guess singing is boring when you can shove in more blood spray and cool sword action.

D&D suck at their job = 🥛

There were tears on Ygritte's face when the song ended. "Why are you weeping?" Jon asked. "It was only a song. there are hundreds of giants, I've just seen them." "Oh, hundreds," she said furiously. "You know nothing, Jon Snow. you- JON!"

The only reason, that I am not currently taking another drink, and/or smashing D&D's kneecaps with a steel chair, is because while D&D turned this line into a meme about Jon's sex knowledge, they also turned it into an evolving meaning line. (Where in as the line is repeated, its nuance and meaning changes, or the characters'/readers' relation with it does.)

Because, D&D made this line so memeable, but it is so rage filled? Like, Ygritte is so (justifiably and rightfully) angry at Jon's ignorance here.

Jon says 'hundreds,' but we aren't given an exact number here. Fun Fact: a species with a population of 250 mature adults or less is considered Endangered and at risk of Extinction. Fun Fact: a species which has lost between 50 and 70% of its average population can also be considered endangered.

That's just talking about the giants that are here, now. I'm getting vibes that these are either not the giants from the songs, the giants know their days are numbered, or this song is old and the giants have come so close to extinction in the past that any of them being alive now is a miracle.

Jon doesn't know, I don't know, but Jon is making light of Ygritte's emotional response because he doesn't know, and Ygritte has every right to be upset by that.

But No, D&D saw a chance for a sex joke.

... oh shit, BIRB OF DEATH SCRITCHIES!!!

Actually, given how much of himself Bran's been loosing in the warg, I wonder if keeping your sense of self is something you can teach, so that even after death, the warg in the bird knows what he's doing, or if the death grudge is just so strongly imprinted on the warg, that even lost to the animal instincts and mind of the bird, the hatred for Jon lives on, even if the warg/bird no longer understands why he hates this human specifically.

"There were three hundred of us." "Us?" Mance said sharply. "Them. Three hundred of them." Whatever is asked, the Halfhand said. So why do I feel so craven?

Probably because you've just realised you are alone with no back up from the Watch, telling Mance is different when it's a ploy you can justify as orders, compared to now when the plan, such as it is, has been stripped away and all that's left is handing over information to save your own life because your people are already dead.

I do love that he spared a moment to wonder after Sam. besties!

(... It would be a little funny (to me) if he mentioned the worry about Sam out loud, and Ygritte and Tormund (and others) got the impression that Jon's just not into girls. Cock works fine, he's just not into girls. ... except with how this series treats non-straight sexualities, and the free folk's focus on siring strong children. meh, free folk are free-love/love-is-love positive AU)

... I can't decide how I feel about the book Ygritte/Jon ship.

On one hand, she is protecting him, lying to say he's more loyal to the free folk than he is, at her own risk. But then she turns around and uses that to make him feel indebted, even if that wasn't her intention, because, on the other hand, like Tormund was saying earlier in the chapter, by the ways of the free folk, Jon has 'stolen' Ygritte, by her own culture, they're effectively in a relationship already, Jon did the equivalent of courting.

I don't know, I think, book version, I'd feel more comfortable seeing more shifting in their power dynamics, a sense of equality and friendship grown free of deception, some time apart and a reunion in which they're actually meeting on equal footing before any kind of sexual shenanigans happened.

(I'm just one of those people who thinks fully informed consent is The sexiest thing in the universe. followed closely by competence.)

Show ship had more appearance of equal footing, and the actor chemistry carried a lot of the ship weight for me. There was more return flirting before they wound up in the cave, and afterwards, the regrets (felt like they) were about ending up on opposing sides, and then never getting a chance to reconcile before she was dying in his arms.

#a storm of swords #steel and snow #a song of ice and fire #jon snow #a chapter a day reading #asos #asoiaf

[indigowallbreaker]

Hi! Rare-pair incoming but for the "100 to break a reader's heart" prompt list, will you do numbers 6 and 25 for Felix and Bernadetta? I love the idea of those two specific lines being said to each other and I really would love to see your take on it!!

(this is a request from WAY long ago when I took proper one-shot prompts. I still like the idea though, so I finished it and present it to you now. Hey, I don’t control the motivation any more than you do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

6. “Am I going to die?”

25. “If I leave now, I won’t come back.”

Gronder Field is littered with discarded weapons, blood stains the grass in most places, smoke still curls up from the main hill, and Bernadetta stands in the middle of it all with an empty quiver. The battle is over. The Alliance Army has won, her friends are safe. Most of her friends are safe. She’s hoping for one more.

She knows he’s around here somewhere. Her eyes have only grown sharper in this war-- trained to run towards danger now, instead of ducking into the nearest doorway. Bernadetta knows she shot him somewhere around here.

A grunt betrays his location. Swallowing her fear, Bernadetta races forward through the mist. There-- a blue cape splattered with red, an empty scabbard. Felix is struggling towards the treeline with two arrows through his right shoulder. Various other injuries-- how many are from the Empire, how many are from Bernadetta’s side?-- are scattered across his beaten form.

A dozen phrases run through Bernadetta’s head as she draws near. She settles on, “I-I’m sorry!”

Felix freezes, one elbow bent as if to push himself up. He aims a glare over his shoulder, teeth grit, left eye already darkening in a bruise. “You--” He doesn’t get any farther. Simply slumps into the grass, fists clenched.

“I’m sorry, we needed to stop-- Dimitri was--” Bernadetta shakes her head and kneels next to him. “Oh Bernie, what are you doing?”

An impossibly sound reaches Bernadetta’s ears. Felix is chuckling. He’s laughing at Bernadetta, his eyes shut, a few strands of hair sticking to his bloodied lips. “You always were an odd one.” His voice is muffled. Bernadetta cracks a smile. 

She uncorks her last vulnerary. It’s not nearly enough, not with those arrows in him and who knows how many spells in his system. But it’s what she has left after this mess and she’ll give it to Felix gladly. 

“Is the Boar dead?”

The question she’s been dreading. Bernadetta purses her lips. “Y-Yes. Hilda saw it happen.”

A pause. “Am I going to die?” Felix asks quietly.

“No. I’m going to make sure of it.”

All levity is gone from Felix’s expression, and his eyes close. Bernadetta feels like she just gave the wrong answer.

--

Thanks to Bernadetta’s efforts, Manuela’s healing, and Claude and Byleth’s words, Felix recovers and joins the Alliance Army. He seems miserable to Bernadetta. No one else sees it-- or no one cares to mention it. As long as Felix keeps helping them win, everyone is content to leave him be.

Bernadetta feels responsible. She didn’t kill Dimitri-- in fact she avoided him the entire fight-- but it’s her fault Felix is at Garreg Mach. 

She tries to spend more time out of her room, tries to spend time with him instead, tries to hear that laughter again. They sit with cats. She recommends books. They go to the market together. She offers him candy. 

But the smile is gone. Felix seems hardened now, like he’s put himself back in his shell and only comes out to fight. Bernadetta is an expert at hiding away, but hiding makes her happy. Felix isn’t happy.

--

When Claude and Byleth defeat Nemesis, Garreg Mach becomes a strange place. People are leaving, there’s talk of the future, couples tug each other to the Goddess Tower with rings and nervous faces. 

For Bernadetta, there’s nowhere left to go but home. Every other place in Fodlan reminds her of death right now. It feels like there isn’t a spot on the map without some blood she spilt. After packing up, she makes the rounds to say goodbye-- leaving one, dreaded goodbye for last.

“I’m leaving,” she announces to Felix’s dorm room. 

Felix is sitting on his bed, sharpening a sword, face blank. “Okay,” he says.

Bernadetta gulps. “I-I’m going home. And, if I leave now... I won’t come back.”

The whetstone stills. “Okay,” he says, quieter this time.

“I’m going to take over Varley territory. Home doesn’t have the best memories, but at least there won’t be any fighting. I’m so sick of fighting.”

“Okay.”

“So. I’m leaving.” 

Felix resumes sharpening the sword. “Okay.”

Tears spring to Bernadetta’s eyes. She wants to yell at him, wants him to say anything else, do anything else besides scowl at ghosts. In the end, she only nods. “Okay,” she sniffs. 

It’s not until Bernadetta reaches the front gates that hurried footsteps sound behind her. “You should have warned me!” Felix snaps as he draws level, pack thrown over his shoulder and swords strapped to his waist.

“W-W-Warned you?”

“You’ve been following me around for months but you couldn’t be bothered to tell me all that earlier?” Felix’s glare used to scare the socks of Bernadetta. Now she’s just puzzled. “I’m going with you,” Felix declares.

Bernadetta blinks. “You’re... coming home with me?”

Felix crosses his arms. “You said that home doesn’t have great memories for you. You really expect me to let you leave alone after that?”

Bernadetta fixes him with a glare of her own, confusion temporarily outweighed by pride. “I can take care of myself just fine!”

Felix huffs a laugh. A laugh. There’s a smirk across his face and he says, “Sure, but you’ll do better with me around,” but Bernadetta barely hears him. All these months trying to get him to smile, and all she had to do was yell at him after all? 

Brushing past her, Felix calls out, “It’s south east, right? Let’s go before we lose more daylight.”

Fussing with her own bags, gigginess in her step, Bernadetta jogs to catch up with Felix. A happiness washes over her the likes of which she rarely feels outside the comfort of her room. Now that Bernadetta knows the secret to making Felix happy, she plans to exploit it as long as he is by her side. 

#fire emblem three houses #felix hugo fraldarius #bernadetta von varley #bernilix #felidetta #WHY DON'T I KNOW???? #idk if you're still out there anon but uh here? #writing is so hard these days y'all im just blowing where the wind tells me #breaking prompts #fe3h

[bethanydelleman]

Not Jane Austen related, but could you tell me about your career as a cognitive neuroscientist?

Sure! Now I will be clear, I don't have a PhD, I have an MA, but the definition of "scientist" doesn't include your degree level and it’s the easiest term to understand.

My MA is in cognitive neuroscience and I mainly studied how fear changes our ability to remember things. You can read my dissertation if you want. I also spent a lot of time working with seniors and I have taught courses on how memory changes as we age. My job title has mostly been “research assistant.” I mostly studied memory, but I had an interest in language development and OCD.

After I graduated, I taught brain function and research methods for two semesters at a small university as a sessional lecturer.

Then I got a job as a research assistant to family doctors. I really loved that job. The research I was doing was public health focused. We looked at offering free legal advice to our patients, helping seniors take their medications on time, helping family medicine residents study for their exams (two papers out of that one!), and the needs of family doctor training programs in low income countries. (Many of these are available free to read online)

Here I need to say something about research: it doesn’t matter what you are an expert in, it matters that you know the process. The doctors I worked with were the experts, but because I know the basic methods of research, I can apply these to any project I encounter.

Then I spent a year in a different department doing heart health research. This research was more qualitative (people's experiences) than quantitative (things I can do statistics on) so I didn't enjoy it as much. But I was between pregnancies and I needed a job.

I am planning to get back into research again soon, I took a break when my kids were both in daycare and I opened my own home daycare, which ended up being a very good move, because the pandemic hit right when I would have been heading back to work after maternity leave (I live in Canada, one year at 50% pay). That is what I am doing now but I keep involved in science by continuing to participate in the peer review process. Peer review is always done on a volunteer basis and on your own time.

Now if you are thinking of getting into science, I know some things have happened recently with the whole pandemic, but let me say: it's a tough field. Researchers like me are often only hired on temporary contracts because our pay is based on grant funding. Despite advanced degrees, many of us are not paid very well at all and because of the short contracts we don’t have job security.

I was actually enrolled in a PhD program but I realized I wanted to do more applied research, which my supervisor couldn't offer. I also became aware that in the job market, the PhD wouldn't give me that much of an edge because I didn't want to be a professor.

Why not a professor? I don't like all the parts of the job. It is constant grant applications, a lot of training grad students, teaching rabbles of undergrads, and a lot of paper writing and revisions. I like some of those things, like teaching and statistics, but not others. Also, as a Canadian, it's almost impossible to get a job without first moving to the United States or Europe and I didn't want to do that. I've been watching friends have marriages fall apart because they both have PhDs and it's very hard to get post-docs in the same province or country, let alone city...

Universities are also hiring less full professors and more sessional lecturers. SLs are paid almost nothing and you have to accept a very high course load to make a reasonable living. Also no research, you just teach.

Which is all to say, get a PhD if you really love the subject matter, but the career prospects afterwards are rough. I love doing it though, so I most likely will be returning. Right now I’m using all my extra brain power on Jane Austen analysis and writing JAFF.

And for fun!

Here is a picture of my actual brain, which I lay perfectly still in an MRI for 1.5 hours just to get (look at that beautiful cerebellum, those healthy white matter tracks... I’ll stop):

And me doing a traumatic brain injury study (I fell off a cliff once) in an EEG:

And me cutting up a sheep brain (best day ever!)

#question response #some personal stuff #not jane austen #BRAINS #but not in a zombie way

[direwombat]

Paola + 🔮

tbh paola's whole timeline is all over the place because i worked out her story backwards. but the past is important to understanding the present (and future), so here's her first meeting with rafe :)

It’s rare that Professor Paola Orsini finds herself in the company of someone whose Latin is better than their Italian. He’s not…bad. By most standards he’s proficient. Just not fluent. He speaks with the clumsy cadence of someone who learned it years ago from a textbook and audio cassettes. His Latin, however, is bizarrely fluid for a language that’s allegedly dead. Even her own grasp of her mother tongue’s predecessor feels tenuously unwieldy. It’s as if he’s spent the past several years learning and immersing himself in it. A strange pursuit, but then again millionaires are strange. And if there’s one thing she’s learned in her time in academia, the only thing millionaires love more than money is appearing educated. This, she understands.

What she doesn’t understand is why her?

Why is she wearing a fancy dress that was sent to her alongside an invitation to one of the fanciest restaurants in Rome? Why is she sitting across the table from American business mogul, Rafael Adler, drinking from a bottle of wine that costs more than she makes in a year?

She narrows her eyes over the rim of her wine glass as she slowly takes a sip. He watches her with a careful calculation that makes the back of her neck prickle. She feels like she’s being judged on her performance in high-society. She supposes she should feel elegant, draped in what feels like silk and all dolled up like an actress. Only, instead she feels like one of the zanni from the Commedia dell’arte. Cartoonish and clown-like. 

“Why me?” she asks, rather bluntly, apropos of nothing. It’s the first thing she’s actually said to him after she’d sat down. 

He quirks a brow, and swirls his own glass of wine leisurely in his hand. Part of her wishes that it would splash all over that hideous white jacket of his. Something to mar his neatly tailored and manicured facade. “Why you, what, Miss Orsini?”

“Doctor,” she corrects. They’ve only just met. They’re not on good enough terms for him to call her Miss. “And why choose me? You could have gone to anyone at any university. You could have gone to an expert in Avery, or 17th-Century pirates in general. You are” -- she hesitates, resisting the urge to say not stupid -- “a shrewd man. Surely you know that a historian or archaeologist would be better suited for the tasks you have just described to me. I am neither.”

While not necessarily forced, the smile he gives her is inauthentic. It’s tight, and it doesn’t quite reach those flat, dead looking eyes -- Shark-like, she thinks -- but there’s a glimmer to them that can’t be attributed to the diffused yellow glow of the string lights illuminating their table. He sets his glass down with a sniff and carefully leans forward, resting his elbows on the table. His fingertips press together, tenting neatly. “Doctor Orsini,” he says smoothly, “If I wanted a historian or archaeologist, I would have approached one.”

She rolls her eyes and scoffs. “And let me guess: what Mister Adler wants, Mister Adler gets?” She probably shouldn’t be mocking him like this. He’s offering her so much money for her to spend her sabbatical year in his employ. But she can’t help it. Prickly is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about her personality.

His chin tilts up and there’s a faint twitch at the corners of his eyes. His smile only gets tighter, and the breath he lets out is caught somewhere between a sigh and a growl. “Most of the cathedral has already been excavated, and given the current state of most of the artifacts and manuscripts we’ve uncovered, a historian wouldn’t be able to do much with them. What I need is a conservator.” 

“This still does not answer my question,” Paola says. “There are many others you could have gone to. I am not well known in my field.” That second bit comes out maybe a tad more bitter than she intends. 

“But you want to be,” Mr. Adler says, and his lips curl back to expose his too-white teeth. “I’ve read your work. Impressive, I’ll admit, but still piggybacking off the ideas of others. You feel trapped by the confines of academia, limited to whatever funding you’re able to scrape together from grants and whatever your administration is able to give you.” 

He leans in even further, beginning to crowd her side of the small table. Her heart hammers in her chest, and her breathing stutters as he reaches to place a hand over one of her own. “You have a hunger, Doctor Orsini. For recognition. To work, unbound by institutional bureaucracy. I can give that to you. I need people with that kind of ambition.” 

Her face flushes and she prays that it’s dark enough that he can’t see it. But her body must betray her in some way, because what could ostensibly be called a smile widens and the gaze he levels her with is nothing short of predatory.

He knows he has her. And then he’s pulling away, taking his hand and its warmth with him. 

She shifts in her seat and yanks her hands from the table and folds them in her lap. Clearing her throat, she says, “Manuscripts can be delicate. I would need a lab. And storage space. Someplace where I could control the temperature and relative humidity.” 

“Done,” he says with a nod. 

“I will need to do an assessment on what you’ve collected so far before I can tell you what else I will need, but if what you have is in as poor condition as you say, then I will need materials to perform restoration work.” 

He nods again. “I’ll arrange for a flight to Scotland at your soonest convenience.” 

Her eyes narrow again, searching him for any signs of deception or dishonesty. This is far too good to be true, and there’s something about him that just feels…weasel-y. But he regards her with a casual and open posture. 

She chews on the inside of her cheek and sighs. “Fine,” she says. “I accept your offer, Mr. Adler.”

He smiles. Not to her, but to himself, something self-satisfied and victorious. “I’m glad to hear that, Doctor Orsini.” He reaches for his wine glass and holds it in front of him. “May this be the start of a mutually fruitful partnership.”

Already her stomach knots with regret, but she lifts her glass as well, clinking against his. The musical chime that rings out is the first of many death knells for the sad cautionary tale of the end of her career.

#oc: paola orsini #the whole rafe + latin thing comes in a bit later but you cannot tell me he didn't lowkey obsess over learning it #ESPECIALLY after sam 'died' and nate left #my fic #wombat writes #also is rafe a Millionaire or a Billionaire? i can't remember if that's ever stated #he's filthy rich that's all that matters