#i actually made this a couple days ago and imagined I posted it on tumblr but ig not

[piaduarte]

How I manifested all my desires into reality

I assume you've been in this community long enough to realize some posts contradict themselves, to the point where a thing as simple as manifestation has become something much more complicated;

"You have to repeat affirmations all the time, until you sound like a broken record!"

"No, no, you have to daydream all day, don't be afraid to be delusional!"

Everything is just so confusing. Maybe your feed is filled with this crazy success stories, like mine once was, and you sit there amazed while you read them and you ask yourself "Why can't I do that?", like I once did. Well, my dear reader, you are about to change your own life.

So, let's get started!

Ok, so it all started a couple of days ago. I was mindlessly scrolling through my feed, reading these posts I told you about. Just a normal day. I'd been into manifestation and spiritualism for a while, and I was incredibly addicted to Tumblr out of the sudden; these posts, these stories... They were just so interesting and so visually appealing I just couldn't bring myself to stop reading them.

Well, the thing is, I could spend entire days — and I did actually spend them — like that, just sitting in the couch and getting all kinds of impressed by all these stranger's abilities to make their dreams come true. But after a week or so I got kinda tired of all that. You know what I'm talking about:

"Why can't I do that? I'm so stupid, they said it should be easy" - old me

"Maybe I'm just losing my time with this" - yep, old me again

NO.

Did you hear me? I said no. Can you believe all these stupid thoughts almost made me give up in my journey for the second time? I can see it all so clearly now; my brain was rotting thanks to these stupid thoughts. And, my dear reader, what do we do about things that hurt us and keep us from becoming the person we want to be? Exactly; we get rid of them. So, after that, I knew I had a choice to make.

Should I keep making myself feel bad, or should I embrace my power and finally become the manifestation master I was born to be?

Enough with the negative self-talk. Enough with letting people manipulate me and treat me like I'm an inferior. Enough being the victim. I'm the master of my own life, and I'm a God. I manifest whatever I want into my life because I can and I'm able to do so. And once you realize that, there's no coming back.

So now I want you to get clear of what you want, and breathe. Is it a new job? Is it new friends, a new house, maybe even all at once? Fine, you got it. It's done. You can relax and you can forget about it, because it is already yours. I know you've probably seen this sentence like hundreds of times already, but after actually understanding it, you realize it's true.

Look outside your window, step into your balcony, go for a walk. All these things you see, you believe them to be real, right? So let me ask you a question; why would your desire not be as real as those houses, as those buildings? When you close your eyes, you can see it in your mind; your new workplace, your new friends, your new house. You can see all those things. They are real too.

Not so long ago, I learnt about the 3D and the 4D: as you probably already know, the 4D is everything you imagine, your desired reality, the insides of your unique and beautiful mind; the 3D is the "reality". But actually, it's the exact opposite: the 4D is your only reality, and the 3D is actually some kind of mirror that projects everything you want. The insides of your mind. You can see and feel all your desires because they are real, and no matter what, now that you've imagined them and you've decided you want all those things, the law is obligated to grant your desires to you and you only. There are no exceptions.

Your desires can and will come true.

#manifesation #manifesting #master manifestor #how to manifest #self concept #spiritualism #spirituality #law of manifestation #law of attraction #neville goddard #higher self #affirmyourreality #desired life #desired reality #loa #law of the universe #law of desire #law of assumption #law of belief

[writing-for-life]

Writing Is The Loneliest Art...

A couple of days ago, this piece of art with a Neil Gaiman quote flickered across my desktop, and it made me think, so longish post about writing, mental health and human connection ahead..

The actual quote says:

The hardest part of being a writer is that you get lonely. It's just you and the stuff in your head and nobody else can do it for you.

I used to be a performer. I spent a good 10 years of my life in theatres and on stage. That can be lonely, too, but in very different ways. You find a "family" for a short while, and then the show is over, and you all disperse to heaven-knows-where again. Some of these friendships last, others don't, but even the ones that do are hard to maintain because of the nature of the job (if you a very lucky, your paths may cross again for another show).

But the difference, to me, was that I had a physical outlet. That's also stressful in many ways, and being a performer is hard and emotionally taxing (plus, the industry sometimes makes you want to vomit). But it is a very different feeling to channel creative energy into something that is physical.

When I write, I only have the words in my head and the blank page; if I am lucky, the words will come out in a way that stops the page from being blank. And although I wrote "Writing Is The Loneliest Art" as a headline, I imagine this must be quite similar for visual/graphic artists.

I was a writer before I was a performer. I came back to my first love, and I wouldn't want it any other way. Writing always was, and still is, the most truthful form of creative expression for me. I am also lucky enough not to have to earn an income with it (although I do) because I have a job that takes care of that (and thankfully one that comes in handy for character development and world building). But it is very easy to become trapped in your head and thoughts, to stop engaging with the life that is out there. And that life is important--for inspiration, for self-care, for human connection. To break these connections, knowingly or unknowingly, is a real issue for many writers. If I am not careful, it happens to me, too. I have a family, and I am constantly teetering on the edge of spending time in my head or with the blank page when I should be present with them. I can snap myself out of it, but it is not always easy to do, and most writers can probably relate. Because thoughts are thoughts and ideas are ideas. They don't care when they pop into your head, and they will try to claim space, whether the moment is "right" or not.

I have a self-care routine in place to prevent myself from getting trapped in my own head (that's maybe for another post), but it takes effort and constant reminders to get up from my desk, get out, get fresh air and move. Because I'd rather be in my head and write. I am an introvert, like many writers, but that's not a big blanket permission to stop connecting with life. Introversion and loneliness are not one and the same, and writers (everyone really) need to understand the difference. You need to pick up that phone, see people and surround yourself with humans from time to time for your own sake. Not just through your job. You need humans around you whom you truly connect with.

But back to different art forms: As a performer, I had the direct interaction with my fellow performers, and with my audience. I cannot stress enough how important the latter is, and I have said this on here many times: Art comes alive through interaction and communication. It connects us through shared humanity. And there are art forms out there that take care of that connection by default--I have felt the difference, and it is profound.

Yes, we can still write or create art as a form of processing emotions, and from a psychological viewpoint, this is healing and helpful.

But art needs to be both created and experienced. Every art ultimately becomes meaningless without the viewer/reader/audience. Art is never a one-way street.

Writers tell stories, but these stories don't exist in a vacuum. They exist because we can't help writing them, and we would always do it anyway, but they also exist because we want you to read them. And it means something to us to know they moved you, made you laugh, made you cry, made you find out something about yourself you didn't know yet, or they just helped you forget about the troubles you are going through for a little while.

So if you appreciate art forms that don't have direct audience interaction, let the artists know you did. It is not annoying us. We are happy about it. Most of us want that communication. And writers probably need it most...

#neil gaiman #writers #writing #writer life #writer problems #writerscommunity #writeblr #writers of tumblr #writer self-care #writers and poets #writing community #author #writers on tumblr #let your writers know what their stories mean to you #writers mental health #artist struggles #artist problems #artist mental health

[penny-anna]

feel like i saw this recipe in a tumblr post a while ago but don't have it to hand anymore. oh well!! made this soup ^^ today.

i used a mix of chicken & veggie stock since i had some of each to use up. & i used black treacle in place of molasses.

i didn't use any onion bcos im the rare onion hater. i did season it w onion salt tho. the actual recipe says to add tomatoes but the transcript in the blog post left that out - i also really don't like fresh tomatoes so would have skipped those but if i'd noticed probably would have added some tomato paste

the full recipe also says you can add herbs at the end but again the transcript left that out. i added some bay leaves at the beginning + a couple of big sprigs of thyme with the vegetables + some fresh coriander at the very end

all in all i'd recommend looking at the screenshot of the OG recipe as it has quite a lot of useful info that's not in the blog post oops!!

the recipe doesn't actually say how long to simmer for after adding the vegetables so i took it at its word & just left it till dinner time. all in all i simmered it for about 8 hours (10am-6pm)

both the OP of the blog post and one of the commenters mentioned that the liquid boiled away too quickly so I added some extra stock + topped it up periodically with salted water. after the first hour or so however ig the lentils hit Saturation and it stopped needing more liquid & after that it was pretty low maintenance.

i didn't taste it before adding the wine etc at the end so not actually sure how much flavour it added but the final step defo made it a more appealing colour!!

VERDICT: 'gentle lentil' is a very good description!! its very mild and very very creamy. its mild but doesn't just taste like wet lentils (not a pleasant flavour experience IMO). the lentils got boiled to the point that they basically became one with the stock. celery also fully disappeared. if i'd added onions i imagine they'd have been imperceptible by the end. very comforting & easy on the tummy. if you like your soups stronger tasting u could add all kinds of things along the way. if u like your soups milder OR are looking for something extra gentle for the tummy then its the soup for you!

here ends my excessively long soup post. in my defense ive been Souping literally all day. its good!!

#food cw #the bread was also a++ but i can take no credit for that lmao

[sonseulsoleil]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @hmslusitania! Thanks Hayley!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

110

2. What’s your total word count on AO3?

483,852

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Whatever I am obsessed with at the moment. The last stuff I was working on was Percy Jackson fic, before that Heartstopper (and I WILL get back to those wips eventually). Oh, and Newsies is also currently in the works! Basically I have ADHD and I am all over the place all of the time. I'll go back to wips I started 5 years ago and keep working on them. What I've written vs what I've actually managed to polish and post is a HUGE disparity lol

4. Top five fics by kudos

- All We Do Is Run

- Let the Whole World Melt Away

- never saw you coming (and I'll never be the same)

- sugar, butter, flour (what a mess I'm making)

- stay in my arms if you dare (or must I imagine you there)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes, almost always. It takes me awhile sometimes, but I try to respond to every comment. I worry that if I don't respond, people will stop commenting.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I've written a couple Major Character Death fics, but they're not on AO3 because they were just drabbles so I only posted them on tumblr (also they're very old and bad)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hmmm maybe All We Do Is Run, just compared to the source material lmao

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have a couple times. Mostly on fics where I've introduced OCs, which sucks.

9. Do you write smut?

Yes, sometimes. But I don't post it. I write it for myself and will maybe share it with friends if they're interested.

10. Craziest crossover?

I've never written a proper crossover. I'll write AUs where I take the characters of Property A and put them into the story of Property B, but I've never written a true crossover where characters of two properties interact.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, but I've definitely had fic concepts stolen. Which sounds petty, but I've made posts about fics I'm working on and had people take them and write their own fics with the same details I mentioned and it's like. Not plagiarism exactly and it's impossible to own ideas, really, but it does rub me the wrong way.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A couple times! It's very cool!

13. Have you ever Co-written a fic?

I tried once a long time ago and it went poorly. Turns out I am not a very good collaborator sometimes.

14. All time favourite ship?

I don't--you want me to pick ONE?! are you kidding lol

15. What’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have SO MANY. There's a Star Trek fic I've been working on off and on since Beyond came out. There's my mermaid!Buck 911 fic. There's my current Heartstopper fic. There's my PJO Anastasia fic. There's my angst canon divergence Psych fic. My google drive is a graveyard of partially written stories begging to see the light of day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing things, clearly.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Depends wildly. I've written this in some Heartstopper fics, because Nick speaks French. And I had a friend who is fluent in French help me get it right. I think when people take the time to find a fluent speaker to help them or are fluent themselves, it's fine and good. And when people are just using google translate, it shows. Also, obviously, being bilingual has to make sense for the character. I also especially have beef with the way people often write latine characters/Spanish specifically. I grew up surrounded by latinos and nobody talks like that. Stop it. You all know what I'm talking about.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

ABC's Castle. Say what you will about Nathan Fillion, but that show shaped me as a person.

20. Fave fics you’ve written?

All We Do Is Run (longest multi-chap I've ever written. this thing was years of my life.)

répète (the only one of my GMW/BMW fics I regularly go back to)

tin can telephones (it's all written in texts and dialogue and that was really fun)

I'm tagging @firstelevens @memequeme @galwithalibrarycard and anyone else who wants to do it!

#this was fun! #my writing #I do not know why that 110 is so huge #I have done everything I can think of to try to make it normal sized #I thought I had it! and then I posted it and it was big again #idk man

[bluebellthesponge]

Hey friend! I am Rae and I followed you because this stupid troll movie resurrected my ancient NSYNC obsession and you post about them some. But, I know a lot of younger people aren't comfortable palling around with much older people, and I am literally 20 years your senior, lol. So I just wanted to reach out and say hi, but also let you know if you'd rather I not follow/interact that's totally fine too, I won't be hurt or anything.

In payment for this awkward af message, I offer you "Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac and invite you to imagine Chris singing it. :)

hey there!!! welcome to my blog, glad you followed me because of my nsync posting teheheh! and you're good! feel free to stay following my blog i am totally fine with really any people older than me following me :)) i am glad you find enjoyment with what i post! :D

happy to hear your nsync interest was reignited with the trolls movie, makes me wonder if the movie will bring back old fans and bring in new ones! which i mean i am sure it will, it does feature nsync songs (i think? i don't know how many actually, all i know is better place and i want you back for trailers lmao) so it's cool and exciting to probably see some new people around considering at least nsync tumblr is pretty much dead lol

but it's cool to probably have a movie introduce people to nsync considering i say after nsync broke up??? (question marks because the breakup date confuses me so much) i say jt's songs have been more of the standard/what people are use to rather than nsync songs which is natural lol, music moves on and nsync obvs hasn't made a new album since 2001

because personally for me, i was literally born after nsync technically died, i was more used to it just being justin and that nsync was more of a fun fact on his behalf lmao. i only knew bye bye bye, it's gonna be me and merry christmas, happy holidays and probably pop because of jimmy neutron but that was it

it wasn't until the beginning of this year that my sisters and i started watching boyband music videos on youtube because when my one older sister was younger, radio disney i guess played pop and she hated that song when she was younger, so when she saw the music video we watched it,,,and kept on watching it the next couple of weeks and then their other music videos and at first, like i am with a lot of things i realize i might start getting interested in, i was in denial being like "oh i am NOT catching myself getting into some dead 1990s/2000s boyband with fucking justin timberlake in it like nuh uh" but then oh no!!! i realize i started watching their performances by myself and by spring/summer i already am familiar with all their names and searching for "nsync as vines" videos that i know i am already too deep in

and also on the last day of school back in june, to celebrate i guess, my sisters ordered pizza for us since our mom was out of the house and we watched the lou boyband con documentary and soon we want to watch the lance and joey movie together lol

ok sorry for explaining my nsync interest origin story i just felt like it hahah. i just have a lot of thoughts on nsync in general that i can make a whole ass video essay series about them but that's a later idea to execute

personally with me on any fandoms i usually am more shy i guess lol. i am just scared to interact with others in general because i am a socially anxious guy idk dsfjlkdslkf, that's why i follow like 84 blogs dfsljdsfkdsf and from what i seen a lot of the nsync fandom are people in their 30s which is fine! that's cool considering they did grow up in that era to experience the boyband phenomena like glad they are still enjoying something they liked 20+ years ago unlike me who never grew up with that and yeah boybands like one direction and big time rush existed, but a boyband craze like nsync i never was there to experience hahaha

considering the one direction fandom still seems to be going strong in some sense, i am not surprised nsync has been as well (at least on other platforms but i don't fuck with instagram/tiktok fandoms). but anyways personally for me i feel awkward for the most part being in the nsync fandom, the fans i have met are generally very nice (like you!) but i still feel a bit odd for not being a millennial who grew up with them but instead a chronically online gen z teen who found them really because my older sister in the late '00s hated a song of theirs lol

but anyways once again i am saur sorry for that long ass answer i just have a lot of thoughts about this stupid ass band, but once again feel free to stay! you're welcomed here :D thank you so much!

and ooooh i will listen to the song soon and see hehehe! after school or so i'll do it ljdsflkdsf thanks :)

*edit: how i also knew of the other members at first was also probably silly. i probably heard of chris because he voiced chip skylark on the fairly odd parents, lance was several timez on gravity falls, and joey and jc i was not 100% of them at first/didn't have other media i could attach them to at first when i wasn't sure of their names lolll. i knew joey was on hannah montana but i never watched that show and he was on big fat greek wedding which my mom liked, but with jc literally that man fell off the face of the earth after nsync (i know that's not 100% true, but you get what i mean dsflkjdslk)

also another unnecessary thought but i kind of lowkey feel well not weird but interesting that nsync are technically around my parents' ages (at least more so around chris, jc, and joey's considering chris is only a couple months older than my mom) and it's like "huh these guys could technically be my parents...and i am just giggling and kicking my feet watching these fucking losers dance for my entertainment"

once again thank you and have a nice day!

#asks #rae-conteur

[liskantope]

Your post last night was super interesting, and it makes me want to ask, do you think there's a strong case for the 1990s being the best decade in recent history? Perhaps for the developed world in particular, where the 1990s arguably offered a combination of peace, economic prosperity, and technological innovation that made it quite unlike anything before or since.

I tend to believe that by the most purely objective standards possible, each decade of recent human history is an improvement over the previous decade. Every now and then, things waver year by year (I can imagine that those same objective standards would show that the year 2020 was worse than the year 2019), but overall levels of poverty and violence seem to be decisively declining in the world as a whole, which is what makes the biggest difference.

So the post you refer to (the "last night" mentioned is no longer last night, because I continue to be slow at Tumblring, sorry) wasn't proposing that today's times are actually worse than any previous times including the 90's. I would still tend to believe that the world is objectively better today than even as recently as a couple of decades ago. But certain significant aspects of it, some of which tie into what we might vaguely call "morale" and other things related to mental and social health, are starting to truly feel like they're objectively worse, and that's something I've been resisting acknowledging for a good while. Not that I feel fully convinced of my new stance either; it's more an intuition that's been growing on me at an accelerated rate over the past few months.

As for the 90's, for most of my life I've thought of it as, vaguely speaking, the "happiest" decade among the most recent ones, if not over all of human history. A lot of this is colored by the fact that the 90's was the main decade of my growing up: my earliest memory is dated one of the very last days of 1989, and I reached teenagerhood (equivalent to the end of childhood, in the minds of some) shortly after the 90's were over. This was also around the same time that I became regularly and continually aware of current events, but I think I would have attained that awareness at an earlier age if there had been more visible strife during the 90's.

Anyway, the entire vibe of the 90's seemed to be positivity, about us being on the up and up, the economy booming, the internet being born, racism appearing (to many) to have been solved, Girl Power, Saving The Rainforests/Environment felt positive and inspirational, and so on. It really wasn't a half bad time for me to be a kid (I think this is part of why I feel a strong sense of heartbreak whenever I think of children growing up today). There were a few issues in the air that people seemed more worried about than today: crime was certainly worse, and there was a lot more concern about the youth getting into trouble, drugs and teenage pregnancy, violence in video games, etc. But all of that was definitely outweighed by an overall high level of morale in the air, a tangible sensation of positivity. And despite crime being a concern I heard expressed vocally quite often, there was a sensation of a certain level of safety and stability on a wide scale that I'm not sure any child has entirely felt in at least the past ten years.

And from my perspective, each decade since has taken this an additional step sharply downhill. Even the 00's feel in retrospect like a decade I wouldn't mind going back to, despite the Iraq War being an arguably worse travesty than anything else my country has been involved in during my lifetime. Because there was something about the 00's that still felt more unifying and optimistic than since, even with the culture wars over Iraq and religion.

But at the same, all of the above is a product of my perspective as a middle-class white American who was growing up close to a major university. I was perceiving the cultural atmosphere in one of the most privileged parts of the world and not the situation in the areas where things were, almost certainly, objectively worse than the state of those same areas today. To point at just one example, the fact that there wasn't a constant societal awareness and continual hand-wringing over (racially disproportionate) police violence is a reflection of the non-ubiquity of recording devices in people's pockets, rather than a contradiction of the fact that police violence was certainly much a worse threat back then toward those who actually lived in heavily-policed areas.

So no, the 90's wasn't actually better than now, but it sure did feel better to a lot of us.

#the 90's #poverty #drugs #teenage pregnancy #environmentalism #crime #war in iraq #police brutality

[pazodetrasalba]

Sparkling Unicorn Princess

Dear Caroline:

A couple of days ago I finished HPMOR, which I have decided to include as a 'Carolingian' book even if you have never written a review of it or a post about it in your tumblr (there are some that quote it, paraphrase it or hint at rereadings by you). This brings to mind other books I expect you to have read but can find no explicit reference to, like The Precipice, Superintelligence, Doing Good Better or The Scout Mindset.

The book has grown on me. I found the first chapters a tad boring, and had the overall feeling that the whole book was a self-professed nerd trap, with an intentionally flattering depiction of its protagonists as ubersmart kids whom their parents and schools have very little to teach them, and who should step aside and let the younglings achieve World Optimization, and with a Yudkowskian agenda of getting you interested in his pet peeves for saving the world. But even with all that taken into account, it was rather a nice and instructive read. I can appreciate Yudkowsky's popularity as a writer after this.

I am pretty convinced that you have patterned yourself on his Hermione to no small degree, too, and I can appreciate the paralellisms, even if right now you are more of a fallen Hermione. But there's hope, at least in me, that you've be reborn from your ashes like the Phoenix.

I made a short review of Eliezer's book. I'll be including it in the lines below as a conclusion to this post:

This is a VERY long book, so I'd like to start with a short appraisal, and then comment some relevant aspects.

Overall, this is a very interesting read, modulo you being interested in: 1) the Harry Potter world (and fanfics!) 2) Rationalism - detecting human thought biases, rational decision-making, optimization, AI dangers

Okay, let's begin with size: the book is humongous. I read a digital version, so a rough estimate of its over 600k words is War and Peace (shorter, actually) or the Bible. It is divided into 123 (relatively) small chapters.

You can find detailed summaries of the plot elsewhere -or in other reviews- but very succinctly: this is an alternative Harry Potter universe in which Harry was raised up in an academic family and learnt the basics of science and rationality by the age of 11. The story more or less parallels that of the first volume of the Harry Potter series (The Philosopher's Stone), as Harry's first year of school and his dealings with the figures that mostly appear in that book, but with a completely different twist.

In many ways, it is quite a didactic book, as I suspect the author's main intention in writing it was creating a 'light' introduction to Rationalism and its key ideas, and particularly focused for young, intellectually achieving and/or outstanding nerds, as a way of attracting them to the cause. It is a 'nerd trap' in the best sense of the term, and has proved enormously successful in this regard. The main protagonists are 11-12 year-olds who are vastly more intelligent and rational than all the adults, and who therefore manage to save and improve the world much better than their elders ever could.

I was pleasantly surprised by how enjoyable it is to read, although I am probably biased because I am a nerd myself (not a young one, though) and am interested in a lot of the 'didactic' stuff it furthers. I was not much interested in the original Harry Potter saga (watched the movies, haven't read any of the books). It stands pretty well on its own, I feel, but there are many references and intertextualities that really need slots of knowledge of the inspiration material to be understood and appreciated well (conversely, as I said, you can get that from the movies, and particularly the first one). I had never imagined a priori that I would be reading a fanfiction (and even less a +2000 page one), but this book deserves it, and is in that regard as unusual and weird (again, in a good way) as its author.

To conclude: this is an instructive and enjoyable read, which I recommend if you share any of the interests mentioned at the beginning (any of the two will suffice). Bear in mind its huge size, and that it will take you months to read it. The first chapters (the author mentions it himself in a note) can be pretty slow-going. The book, it is important also to say, can be downloaded for free or read online -in fact, I don't think it is easy to actually buy a print copy.

#caroline ellison #eliezer yudkowsky #hpmor

[healerelowen]

Healing Elm’s 1 year anniversary!

  Hello Hello my dearest readers! With my blog’s first year anniversary now here, I want to have a bit of a deep discussion about my journey through the year that I’ve been on the Inscryption side of Tumblr. This is going to be a bit of a wild ride, so just hold onto your hats. 

Tw for a bit of talking about sewer slide and self ouchie

So, February in 2022 for me was rough. The months before it were just awful for me and my mental health was down in the dumps. I was not in a very good state of mind. I was very isolated and I had a tendency to neglect my needs and avoid people as much as humanly possible. I was also prone to self harm at the time and I was also struggling with a lot of suicidal thoughts and temptations. And one day, I was thinking about Game Theory’s video on Inscryption that I had listened to a couple months ago because it made good background noise. But this time I wanted to actually listen to it and perceive what it was saying. 

That’s when I remembered Jacksepticeye’s video about it and I rewatched it, and I loved it! I loved everything about it, the story, the characters, the setting, it all was very fascinating to me. So sometime later after playing it, I was neck deep in hyper fixating on it. I wasn’t new to Tumblr at the time, I had been on it for quite some time now, but I never thought about making content myself. That was until I decided to search up Inscryption on Tumblr out of pure curiosity, and oh boy I was not disappointed.

I saw so many amazing things there. Art, writings, fanfiction, silly little rants or shit posts, and I would scroll around on it for hours upon hours. I’m talking from 10pm to 2am. I loved seeing what people had to say, or what to share about this amazing game. I stumbled across a little imagine post that someone made, and I responded to it albeit a bit flustered. I was then thinking about it for a couple days after that, when I thought of an alternate meaning for that post they had made. So I made a post about it, and they replied positively to it! 

This urged me to write my own headcanons and oneshots. The longer I stayed in the fandom, the more and more fanfictions came during the months. This is proven with my archive, with February only containing like three while March has much more, and then April with even more than the last and so on. It wasn’t long until I started making this into more of a passion rather than a small hobby of mine. Which, fun fact, was my original intention because I didn’t think I’d write that much. But here I am 700 posts later in the span of a year.  

I started doing my own ask games, and answering requests given to me. All the while making other things like my own little ideas and oneshots with some art sprinkled here and there. I did this because I found comfort in it. Because for the first time in months, I had found a place where I felt welcome. There was little to no judgment, people were very welcoming and accepting of new ideas and Aus, and it felt more like a home than a small website. I had helped create a welcoming force in the community, which I hadn’t entirely intended to do, but I don’t regret doing so. I made new friends, and I had become a role-model for others in the fandom.

I love this community more than anything, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I have made so many good memories during my time here. My mental health improved greatly, I was eating more consistently and I kept myself more clean and organized. In fact, my self harm rate went from every couple days to once in the span of four months. I personally think this is a massive improvement on my end. But I most certainly couldn’t have done it without this community. You’ve all been so supportive and as cliche’ as it may sound, I truly couldn’t have done it without all of you amazing people. So for that, I must thank you, for being the caring people that you all are towards not just to me, but to everyone else who also enjoys what I do. 

While yes, it’s true that things will never be the same when I first came here, that’s fine by me. So long as this community keeps flowing like it has, I’ll be just fine. I’ve seen many creators here come and go, some were close friends while others were not. I still loved their content all the same, and I will never forget the inspiration they gave me to start writing my own ideas and sharing them with others. It honestly doesn’t feel like only a year has gone by, it really feels like five years just flew right past me. It feels like I’ve been here for so long, and I’ve seen so much happen in this fandom.            

I’m very happy here, I love writing and drawing and messing around with mutuals on here. It’s all been a great experience and I hope that there will be more going forward. For a single year, I had just about the best damn moments of my life and all of it was because of random people on the internet who liked the same game as me, people that I’ve grown to love and care for. What’s funny is that when I first came here I was actually considered to be ‘baby’ and just starting out (mostly because of my height of 4 '10 but we don’t talk about that-) to now being seen as a more older figure in the community. How time flies. 

Thank you all, and have a good rest of your day/night! 

#inscryption #healer elowen #healing elm's 1 year anniversary

[tbmunson]

🥺💖💞 + 🤩🤲 🍷✨

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

Small accidental touches, quick meaningful glances, little smiles and inside jokes. Any type of small intimate moment that lets you know everything is going to be okay bo matter what else is going on around you.

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

So complementing myself is difficult but I feel like I’m fairly good with describing situations. Setting the scene.

🍷 Do you drink and write?

I haven’t, but the more I think about it, the more I think a glass of wine would open my mind up and help my ideas flow better without me overthinking everything.

💖 What made you start writing?

I started on wattpad, just reading. Then I got inspired and started writing on there. I had a Niall fic way back in the day that actually got pretty decent stats and a good following before I deleted it, having lost motivation and plot. After that I found tumblr and imagines and blurbs and I ran with it. I could write what I want when I wanted and it didn’t have to fit with what I just wrote. I never actually posted anything on here until a couple months ago.

💞 Who's your comfort character?

Where do I start? Spencer Reid, Glenn Rhee, Draco Malfoy, George Weasley, Remus Lupin, JJ Maybank, Eddie Munson, Gareth Emerson, Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley, Tate Langdon, Billy Loomis, Stu Macher, Stiles Stilinsky, Jasper Hale, Alice Cullen, Sam and Dean Winchester, Duncan from Total Drama Island (my first cartoon love and I will not take any shit for that) that’s all I can think of off the top of my head. There’s more for sure.

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

Gareth I think? I say I think because it depends on the plot of what I’m writing, mostly. I think Gareth is the easiest to write for because we didn’t get to see near enough of him so we can make him into who we want for the most part and no one can argue what’s canon and what’s not.

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

This is from a Robin x Fem!Reader thing I’m doing for October.

"You make really pretty sounds, baby." You cooed, dropping a hand to her side.

She blushed bright red and ducked her head into the crook of your neck. "Shut up." She whined, shaking her head.

You laughed lightly, wrapping your arms around her body. "Don't be embarrassed. I like hearing you, okay? It's so pretty."

She took this opportunity to press kisses to your neck and take in the sounds you made. She layed you back gently, hovering over you as she kissed your skin. "You're right, it is pretty." She smirked. Her hand skated up your torso, getting closer to your boobs when her door flung open.

"Hey, I brought snacks and a mov- What the fuck?" Steve's voice broke the two of you aparts quickly.

"Steve! What are you doing here?" She asked, helping pull your shirt back down.

"I came over because you said Y/N was coming and I thought we could hang out and watch movies! I didn't know this was happening!" He covered his face with one hand, shaking the bag filled with snacks with the other for emphasis.

#ask answered #emoji ask game #works in progress

[amethyst-noir]

Hey, I'm not sure if you have explained this somewhere or its something you don't wish to discuss (I apologise in advance for starting this conversation in that case). I actually have been obsessing over your works about Drpepperony on Ao3 for a while now (its amazing! Not just the ideas cause they are on point but even your writing is so beautiful, thank you soooo much for uploading them btw. It always brings me joy to read them and on sad days I find myself gravitating towards your written work.) I've realised you don't really post drpepperony anymore and I can't find anything similar on your tumblr either. Have you lost interest in the theme? I did read a post you had tagged about your account being gone and I'm so sorry for all the hurt and terror that must have caused. But yeah sorry I'm not too well versed in the tumblr Ao3 world from a creator viewpoint and I just got curious if you will ever go back to drpepperony and just to ask how you have been doing. Thats all I suppose :)

Hi!

So, first of all sorry that it took me a couple of days to get to this lovely ask of yours. Second, thank you so much! 💜 I'm so happy you like my drpepperony stories! They are such an cute OT3 but I'm sorry to say that I have lost interest, along with the whole of the MCU. I haven't kept track of any of it for a while now. (Black Widow and the first two episodes of Moon Knight were the last two things I saw of it.)

I've been writing in other fandoms until recently. Things are going on and writing is not really happening anymore. I hope it will return one day, for whatever fandom. I'd like to finish at least the 3 The Untamed WIPs I have lying around; I see no chance for the MCU WIPs that are sleeping on my computer.

While I was still holding on for a while after Endgame my love for it was starting to fade after that movie. I still have one unposted Ironstrange (not drpepperony, sorry!) story lying around, actually.

Yes, I managed to nuke my account twice in a row while trying to answer an ask a couple of years ago. That was a weird bug and I'm glad I got it back - yes, it was rather stressfull at the time and I would have been heartbroken if I had lost this blog. While my actual stories are backed up a couple of times many of the headcannony stuff is only here. I should probably change that but that requires more time, energy and brainpower than I currently have. Let's hope this site doesn't implode anytime soon.

Which brings me to your question of there being drpepperony on my blog. There actually is! I don't know if you did a bit of tag crawling here or not but I have snippets and headcanon style written things for them here. They can be found under #drpepperony and #amy imagines but you have to scroll through the Ironstrange and Tony/Stephen/Wong stuff as well. Sorry. My tagging system has never been the best. 😅

Again, your ask has made me so happy and made me smile every time I thought about it! 🥰 I'm sorry I can't give a "better" (happier) answer.

Drpepperony will always have a place in my heart but it's a fond memory by now, alongside the other pairings I have loved and written for in the past.

#inbox #kvjjjjjj #seriously this made not only my day but my week #i got one not very nice comment on a drpepperony fic a long while ago and i'm still thinking about it from time to time #or i should rather say a wtf comment #it was nice to get such a love letter to them 💌

[chubby-aphrodite]

I think in all my time on tumblr this is first time I’ve posted a pic of my dad?

Anyway. My dad died on 9/11. He was an IT guy for Cantor-Fitzgerald. I grew up constantly hearing about how I looked and sometimes acted just like him, but I only really got it a couple months ago when I looked in the mirror with my hair pulled back and went “Oh fuck I see it now.”

It’s… been hard. Growing up without one of your parents and then the other still reeling from the trauma of losing her true love and sorta fucking you up in the process? Hard. I’m 21 now, legally old enough to drink in the United States.

In hindsight, all the constant faux-apologies from people I barely knew about my dad dying in a national tragedy was fairly embittering. It was never really about me or my family when they brought it up, it was always either hollow apologies or where they were or what they were doing when it happened. I was barely three months old and didn’t even grasp that my life was different before then. But then for the rest of my goddamn life, I always had to be subjected to it. Over and over.

As a little kid, and even now sometimes, I could be… overly empathetic. The way I always tried to relate to some’s hardships was imagining myself in their place, and think about what it would be like.

Almost every year in elementary and middle school, we would be made to watch a documentary on it. So, me being that kind of empathetic little kid, imagining myself being there, and then connecting that Oh, that’s what actually physically happened to my dad, that’s why he’s dead was… overwhelming, to say the least.

It got both worse and better as I got older. Everyone started realizing hey, let’s maybe not retraumatize this kid again and started letting me stay home from school on that day, no questions asked.

I also started actually understanding the repercussions of everything as I got older. The jingoism, the ultranationalism, the islamophobia. I think for a few years in my teens I sort of repressed my own feelings about it and tried to act as though I wasn’t someone personally affected by it, and therefore only focused on the effects it had on literally everything else. But, now, I realize there’s… not really much I as one person can do about all that, other than try to spread word about aligning yourself against them. So I think that’s part of why everything’s hit me so hard lately, I’m just finally actually able to process my emotions like a goddamn adult.

I don’t really know what else to say, so I guess I’ll introduce my dad. His name was John. He liked computer games and Dungeons and Dragons growing up, and even founded the local high school’s DnD club while he attended. He made snarky comments and jokes about things a lot. He once went outside in the snow wearing only a bathrobe to grill himself a burger. He fell completely head over heels for my mom after she chugged a beer in one go and then belched it out. He loved my mom, my sister, and me very much.

I’ve been thinking of cutting my hair short lately. One of the pros I’ve been thinking about is giving all the people who say I look like him a heart attack. Because I think that’d be really funny, and he probably would’ve thought it was funny, too.

So. Yeah.

#long post #okay to reblog

[pandorkful-dolls]

Upgrading Punchy Ghaleon: Revamping the Loc-line Skeleton

Oh boy, this post has the potential to be a long ramble. So, gosh where to start? Maybe with Ghaleon?

I think I got punch-puppet Ghaleon off eBay around 2004-05? Not long after one of my college friends lent me his copy of Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete for the PS1 and I succumbed to sad gay elf brainrot lol. He wasn't mint in box, but in pretty good condition at the time and oops this is already turning into a ramble. To skip to the point, several years later, maybe around 2010, the hard plastic of his punching mechanism got brittle and the levers snapped, putting his fighting days to an end. Externally you couldn't tell, and I could have just put him back in his box as a display piece... But I was deeply into doll making and doll customizing by that point, so I decided to whip up a fast and loose doll body that was more proportional to his head:

It was pretty crude and basic, but a huge upgrade from a broken punch-body! I would have been happy leaving him on it... But around the same time, someone new on the doll forum I frequented was posting about making Loc-line armature bodies for their spare (or "floating") ball-jointed doll heads. The Loc-line bodies they made were very straight forward: get a premade pop-bead doll and teddy bear armature (Loc-line, Jeton, Darice and several other brands made them), alter it to be more BJD proportioned, bulk it up with tacked on batting, cover that with a stretchy fabric sewn directly onto the body, make a decorative velveteen bodysuit/skin to cover that, and finish with Obitsu "replacement" hands and feet. It was simple and brilliant, and a fun solution to the issue of displaying extra bjd heads without dropping a couple hundred on a new bjd body. Plus it was a lot lighter than a resin body, and in many ways a lot more posable as well The idea captivated me, except for one thing: a flexible tube is great for spine mobility, but limbs tend to look very Gumby. There had to be a way to improve on the formula... But, how? Looking at Loc-line's offerings on Amazon, they had long stopped making doll armatures and were solely dedicated to producing modular hose tubing for industrial and chemical uses. Which meant there were a lot of oddball attachments to spark the imagination. I bought a few around 2011 and started playing around.

Basically my first attempt at elbow/knee joints, not very stable and very bulky. Later I stumbled onto mending brackets, which gave me ideas.. 

One of my later attempts, made with mending brackets, cut-down "+" connectors that had been mislabeled as 1/4" but were blatantly not and I'm not sure what scale they're actually meant for, some screw covers leftover from a bookcase, random screws and 1/4" diameter Jeton armature beads. Much more stable, kinda heavy and bulky. And a real butt to make. I have no idea how to source more screw covers like those.

The final attempt before I started straying away from this jointing idea, pretty similar to the one above, but using flathead screws instead of screw covers. If I could recreate and improve on this for 3d printing, I think it could be a winner for internal jointing. I found some Loc-line bead files on thingiverse last year, if I had any 3d drafting knowledge I really think I could refine this concept into a sleek, stable double joint. But I haven't had the focus to dive into learning 3d sculpting and drafting yet. 

The incomplete armature, as I left it around 2019. So the difficulty and heaviness of the joints tabled the project, basically. Then just a few days ago I remembered a frog art doll I'd seen on tumblr some years ago, that had double jointed soft hinge joints in it's elbows and knees. (I know I saved the photos, but not on my phone...) And suddenly the idea of externally visible joints took hold, which brings us to today. 

Here's my current concept sketch again, please excuse the chaos haha I was excited. I think for the prototype, which will be Punchy Ghaleon's new body, I'm probably not gonna go with removable lower limbs via high tech buttonhole technology ahahaha, mainly because I've never sewn a buttonhole before and I just want this to come together as fast as possible lol. 

I ended up removing a couple beads from the spine before I started adding fluff, this was looking a little Johnny Long-Torso.

So I mentioned that the tutorial I was inspired by had you tack batting directly onto the Loc-line armature. They used thread, but I'm needle felting polyfill on since I have a lot of experience felting polyfill and can kinda build up the musculature more accurately by sculpting it.

Granted,  it's all going to get covered by fabric in the end, so I don't want to  get too nitty-gritty with polyfill detailing lol. But here's where a handful of hours of felting got me, I'm pretty happy so far!

Also, if you're familiar with Ghaleon, you probably noticed I took off the cloth part of his hat and removed the single line of rooted hair that was running temple to temple, haha. Mainly I wanted to show off that for whatever reason, Working Design's sculptor left indentations for ears. I don't know what their plan was originally, they could have filled them in to make the mold less complicated, but they left them. And it got me thinking...

The ears on this vinyl "practice" head, tho it doesn't look like it so much in this photo because of how I was holding it, are pretty much the exact right size to fit in those indentations... 

They're about the right size for him, I think.... Oh, right, and I removed his hair cuz the rooting went straight across that ear indentation, and was kinda sloppy. I wanna reroot him nicer, but also I kinda want to find someone to 3d scan him, so I could theoretically edit his chin to be a little smaller and more, uh, canonical. 

I'm pretty sure this head isn't a clone of a bjd, or JM-Toys is shamelessly slapping their copyright on a clone. Who knows. Either way, you can find it for about $10 just about everywhere now, I ordered this one from Walmart. :P

Probably won't be chopping the ears off right away, I ordered a pair of Blythe elf ears and Parabox Pixie ears to try too, since I have a major problem when it comes to getting duplicates ahahahaha.....

Speaking of duplicates, uh, I also recently bought 2 more punching puppet Ghaleons. One to keep in box, and one to make into another plush Ghaleon, but to keep more stock and to eventually make the full Vane Premier outfit for.

Which I guess begs the question, what exactly do I plan to do with my original Punchy Ghaleon if I specifically bought one to keep stock?

Well, I'd like to remove that hat, somehow. Probably the obvious way would be to just cut it off, but that would mean rebuilding half his forehead :P Slightly easier and harder at the same time would be to cut off just the cones and then shave the hat details off his forehead. He's kinda medium density vinyl, harder than a barbie head but softer than your average large doll head, which makes a smooth cut kinda difficult. Which is why I'd like to 3d scan him first... hahaha...

If I get cold feet about modding his hat off, I might just add ears and work around the hat as much as possible, to make kind of a new weird style for him lol.

Either way, the next step is sewing some "skin" (old t-shirt fabric that happens to be a near match to his vinyl) and prototyping the joints!

And making hands and feet... the tutorial I've referenced several times used 1/3 scale Obitsu replacement feet and hands, since those pop onto 1/4" loc-line armature easily. But in the 10 years or so since I read that tutorial, Obitsu parts have become difficult to buy. Junkyspot used to be a reliable place to buy Obitsu dolls and parts in the US, but their stock hasn't been refreshed in years. Parabox seems to be out of replacement parts, too. So I'm just gonna have to make some myself. Probably needle felted, since that's what I'm most comfortable with, lol.

#long post #tl:dr how do i get something 3d scanned? #doll wip #lunar week #lunar week 2022 #Ghaleon #1/3rd scale

[dukeofdumbass]

hello! i was going through my ao3 bookmarks the other day and i noticed that all of the ones written by you had been archived into a collection, inaccessible. Can I ask why? Is it just a temporary precaution, or are they gone for good?

HI!!!!!! i'm so sorry for causing any inconvenience - as it happens, as of just a couple hours ago, before i logged back into Tumblr, all of the works have been unarchived. whenever my works do go into an archive collection, there is a sort of safety net in that i'm too obsessive/compulsive to actually delete them from Ao3, because that means that all their stats and comments disappear too. something something media/data preservation, something something the work is really only complete to me once i post it (my spreadsheet more or less ensures that...).

now. i'm gonna soapbox on your lovely ask. i am constantly editing my Ao3 bio trying to say something like this...

as to why: i've just put a lot of pressure on myself, starting back when there was rather a lull in TTGC fic (my longest fic was in the works for a couple months before i made my Ao3 account in mid-May of 2021), to sort of be The Author in the [Xeno] tag(s) who has all the best concepts and ships and interpretations and style, consistently, universally. i want to appeal to everyone! i want everyone to love me! i want everyone to respect me! i want everyone to smile when they see my username pop up YET AGAIN in the tags. i want to be recommended! i want to be remembered... i'm not on Twitter so much anymore, and the culture's obviously quite different here, so how do i even ensure that people who don't browse the tags know who i am? hough...the impossible task... so, i have only continued to experience that pressure in comparing myself to other creators (writers/artists) who are "less online" than i've been at points but have "better" work in terms of length, range, appeal, quality, imagination/esotericism/divergence, themes/mood/gravity, self-indulgence, representation...you name it. newsflash for me: that's just not a thing! it can't be!! fanwork is as varied and personal as each and every person who's ever experienced media properties and expressed their thoughts in any medium or forum. i seek out other creators/fans who like the same elements as i do (all minoade fans, you're on my list) specifically to converse with them and conquer my feelings of inadequacy head-on, and when i find myself scared to join a conversation with those who have become my best friends (or speculating from afar on ex-friends from whom i just grew apart, for these reasons or others) because i feel like i'll ruin the "quality" of the conversation...it's really not a good feeling. when i'm really feeling like a fraud and an intrusion, away go the fics...

all that to say: if you create something, if you think something, if you love something, i love you. even if it's really hard and scary, i'll make myself do it. that's what i want my fandom experience to be about <3

(but most importantly THANK YOU for asking - i am glad that i didn't see this before deciding to re-reveal the works, because it honestly might have spooked me, but seeing it now lets me know that it was the right decision :)

#fanfiction #roseasking

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Adjusting To Broken

I wrote this in June of 2020, originally, for a ‘30 Sub Stories’ writing project in the Tumblr D/s community I used to I guess sort of feel like a part of (I have realized in the past year or two, particularly the past month, that it wasn’t actually much of a community; it was a lot of parasocial attachment and some people there made and continue to make claims on me that they never earned...some of them hurt me within a connection that feels performed now; some of them invented or exaggerated a connection based on reading and reblogs of some of my writing pieces, or even imagined and/or still imagine a connection that never existed.) I usually wrote things that weren’t really overtly D/s-y for this community, and this was one of those pieces. J and I live a D/s life together, and while we live intentionally, we just aren’t formalizing a lot of rules and punishments and shit, and I’ve never been super comfortable talking about kink or sex or anything truly private about our relationship. When I do write about us, I’ve always written more about LIFE than D/s, when talking about our D/s life. And this is one of those pieces. It’s actually a major way life with J is way better than life before J.

I’ve spent the past two days REALLY cleaning our whole house. Not that I don’t keep our house neat and clean all the time. I do. That’s literally my job. And COVID has dictated I do more disinfecting than I used to (things that used to be done monthly are done weekly; things that used to be done weekly are done daily; things that used to be done daily are done a couple times a day…). But I did EXTRA things like dusting every picture frame on the walls; steam mopping all the hard surface floors; lots of extra laundry… When I’m feeling anxious, doing some tangible work like that helps to calm my nerves, plus our house gets super clean, so it’s all really good all the way around, really. Anyway to finish up today, I ran our vacuum. I got all of it done, but near the end of the vacuum routine, the power button wouldn’t stay engaged unless I pressed it down. When I completed the job, I immediately sent J a text to tell him the problem. 

J: I’ll look at it. 

And he did. He got home from work, and literally the second he got home, someone from work called him with a problem that he spent about 2 hours, including all of our dinner time as a family, troubleshooting and correcting. And while he was dealing with that problem, his cell phone microphone stopped working unless he spoke directly into it or changed it to the speakerphone setting, so after the work issue, he fixed his phone issue. And then he did a quick workout. And then he fixed the vacuum.  With all of these issues, J just knew exactly what the problem was and took steps to correct them. As they cropped up. Now all the broken things work. And that just AWES me. Because my go-to response when EVERYTHING starts breaking one after the other is, “FUCK! Everything is BREAKING! Why is EVERYTHING breaking?’ J doesn’t really think about why things are broken/breaking until after he’s dealt appropriately with the broken thing. I’m trying to get better at that myself. J helps me get better at it. 

But I didn’t start writing this post to fawn over J’s calm and stable resourcefulness and clutch performance (although I DO really freakin’ love that stuff). I started writing (sorry…guess this is gonna be another long, rambling one) because his vacuum heroics reminded me of this time about 6 or 7 years ago when my old laptop hinges were loose. Like…damn near falling apart. But the laptop still worked. So I just used it with the bum hinges for a long time, until one weekend day, J picked up my laptop to move it and noticed the wanked up hinges. 

J: How long have they been like this?  me: I dunno…months?  J: MONTHS?! Why didn’t you tell me they were like this? I’d have fixed them. <he said as he was fixing them>  me: <shrugs> It still worked.  J: Yeah, but you had to pick it up weird and hold it weird and…you don’t have to just adjust to ‘broken.’ 

Before J was in my life, I dealt with everything myself, and if something was broken I didn’t know how to fix, I just adjusted to broken. Because I’d been very well conditioned to believe that asking for help was futile. I grew up with parents who would call me irresponsible and demanding if I brought up shoddy hinges on an otherwise working laptop. ‘You must have done something to break it, and also, it still functions, doesn’t it? What did you want? Us to get you a new laptop because the hinges are loose? You’re so selfish, Jen. You expect too much from <us, people, things, life…>’ Parents who would swear and yell and maybe bust the vacuum to pieces and throw it in the dumpster and then complain about the expense and inconvenience of buying a new goddam vacuum because the power button wouldn’t stay engaged. So I’d have just held the power button down the entire time I used it to avoid the drama. I’d have just adjusted to broken. 

I told J about the vacuum right away, because now I believe that I don’t have to just adjust to broken. J will help me fix it. He’ll stay calm. He’ll help me figure it out. He’ll help me find a solution. I don’t have to tough shit out alone or adjust to broken. The value of having a safe place to express a need…a desire…a problem…and know it will be met with calmness and willingness to help can’t be overstated. J’s ability to almost instantaneously diagnose and fix broken things is impressive. But even if he couldn’t actually fix damn near everything broken I’ve ever told him about, his calmness and willingness to help without being accusatory and shaming would still be there. And that’s one of the most important gifts he continually gives me.

So here’s a part I’m adding on now, in the present. J has helped me over the past few weeks, again, to not just ‘adjust to broken,’ in a more emotional and social way, not a literal, ‘I’m gonna fix this busted vacuum; your shitty laptop hinges; the printer...whatever.’ J is one of the only and definitely the BEST shining example of someone who wants to know me and attempt to correct the problems I’m having, even if they are problems he’s creating. He never wants me to just ‘take’ shit that’s hurting me, or making me consistently unhappy in silence. He doesn’t want me to limp along at ‘less than,’ constantly adjusting to broken to appease him. And life with J has taught me that I never have to do that in a relationship with anyone again. J has taught me that a person who really does love me will not expect me to adjust to broken; they’ll want to work with me to fix it. The more I write about J and read over the things I’ve written about him in the past, I’m earnestly stunned I ever was considered a ‘voice’ in the D/s ‘community’ at all. Our life is D/s (and sometimes it’s even kinky, even with a young teenager in the house all the time during a global pandemic), but our life together is a real lived live, a real collaborative partnership, which is how I think D/s should be...but it doesn’t seem to be much of what’s shown in the ‘community.’ I’m not sure I was ever really a part of it. And I know I no longer want to be considered a part of it. A lot of people there were expecting me to adjust to broken, and I don’t want to, and I don’t HAVE to do that anymore.

[robins-stims]

it’s 2024 now. huh!

i started this blog in early june 2022 when i was home from school with covid. i had been wanting to start a stim blog and had gotten one set up but never actually got around to reblogging anything. i decided i was going to try to reblog other peoples’ gifs and stimboards, and my goal was to eventually transition to making my own gifs and stimboards if i didn’t get bored of running this account. i have made many stimboards, most of them pretty mid, and i tried to make some gifs but quickly abandoned that plan after i realized my laptop loves almost overheating while trying to make a gif. so that is probably not going to happen at least for a while.

i am overall very happy with where i’ve ended up in terms of having this blog. 2023 has been a really…interesting year. my academic future suddenly had to go in a completely different direction than i had intended, but i have definitely gotten over it and am not still sad about it at all. a year ago i had imagined that i would be in a very different place than i am now, and i can’t get to where i originally wanted to be, but i am working to get to a different, third place where i will hopefully have emotionally mature classmates and more challenging classwork.

i don’t want to get too sappy but i’ve really enjoyed my first full year at robins-stims and i am looking forward to many more — either until there are extreme life circumstances that leave me physically unable to run this blog, or until tumblr dies. i actually almost took a brief hiatus a couple months ago and decided to post less frequently so i wouldn’t need to queue up as many posts, but i’m back to posting thrice a day now.

overall 2023 was great for this blog but not for my personal life. however, 2024 is going to be a normal year, no extreme political or climate related events are going to happen, and if they keep happening i am going to commit tax fraud. happy new year

#not a stim #robin speaks #last part is a joke. mostly

[jamiefantana]

it’s the year 2023 and i made a tumblr

   I read an article somewhere, sometime recently, on the resurgence of Tumblr.  Or what resurgence can be expected.  Apparently a lot of people left because some giant company bought it and took out all the porn.  Imagine that, a giant company buying something just to buy it and not understanding why people like it.

   I mean, I didn’t like it for the porn.  I liked it for thischarmingcharlie, and garfieldminusgarfield, and for how many standup comedians were on there in the Obama years.  But also... why didn’t anyone tell me about the porn?

   Had a Tumblr on here once.  A couple, I think.  One is lost to the ages, I found another and boy is it hilariously emo.  I’m gonna copy the entries down to a private doc, and then try to nuke it from orbit so the secondhand embarrassment doesn’t make me shrink into the earth.  Although... fuck if I know the email address I started it with.  I change emails like others change socks.

   The article was kind of about how Tumblr never really got commercialized.  There are no Tumblr influencers.  The Karens and the conspiracy theorists never discovered Tumblr, or if they did, it confused and frightened them... like higher education or the existence of other languages.  They’re outnumbered on here.  Tumblr is full of young obsessive fan-types with politics progressive enough to make me look like G. Gordon Liddy.  If any middle-aged Elon Musk fan were to come on here, they’d be chased out in an instant by an array of people with rainbow-colored hair and a tidal wave of Schitt’s Creek gifs.  I kinda dig that.

   It’s a little poignant, however, as I look over all of the tumblrs I used to follow and see how most of them stopped entirely years ago.  Multiple years ago.  The most recent entry, barring two people I “know” from twitter, is garfieldminusgarfield with an entry from six months ago.  Holy shit, good for them... still plugging away despite the book deal already having come and gone... fifteen years ago, gulp.

   I’ve been in a nostalgic mood lately.  Been thinking a lot of my college years, of wandering around Urban Outfitters, of a time when I could afford to wander around Urban Outfitters, thanks to student loan money.  If my current life crisis is reminiscing about that one year I spent in Brooklyn ten years ago, and trying to bring back iPods, going to actual websites, and buying point-and-click cameras like I’m the Cobrasnake that never goes to any parties, then I suppose that’s far healthier than buying a matte black sports car and trying to nail co-eds.  

   Anyway, welcome to my Tumblr.  I’m gonna use this to post various essays I also post on tinyletter, plus some more personal stuff that wouldn’t fit on there, plus repost some classic stuff from back in the day from all the old tumblrs I’ve talked about.  Maybe some original photos.  Maybe I’ll convince some people I know to start their own, like my director friend or my artist friend or my game designer friend.  We’ll see.  

#welcome #welcomeback #reminiscing #sweetmems #college