once again i was fueled with coffee (did not sleep the whole night) but this time i doodled college au to cope bc ofc i did (also did not feel like sleeping wooo)
it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
how did we go from "general panic over paparazzi photos and shitty article about you know who" to "omg she hates miles" GUYS. please. i'm begging some of y'all to touch some grass so bad like i'm afraid it might not even be enough but still it won't hurt to try
I totally forgot I had this account for like a lot of months if not a year but In my defense, I also forgot to draw so there wasn’t something to upload lol. Anyways as I stated before I haven’t done anything actually complete but please have this random doodles ✍(◔◡◔)
that’s actually pretty much all I’ve drawn that is a random sketch so yeah. \(٥⁀▽⁀ )/ (Please ignore how the style changed since my last post, it’s actually very noticeable that I hadn’t upload anything in a while)
ok folks this lives and dies between us but i swear to god with every passing moment and every new fact i learn i am more and more convinced that had i spoken portuguese at age 11 when i got into minecraft youtube the first time i would BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT have had a tiny little baby 11 year old celebrity crush on pactw
author i'm beefing with: "i feel slight revulsion about the word 'spiritual', it's got negative overtones, aren't you deluding yourself and others with it, keep it to yourself"
same author, literally twelve (12) pages later: *spends a page describing spiritual experiences, sharing them with the world, but insists they don't count as "spiritual" because they're about the physical material world*
my dude it's not just believers who try to have it both ways, huh