#hot dog stand in little italy

[rafesslxt]

friends on vacation | mattheo riddle x reader x slytherin squad

mini series pt. 1

summary: you and your friends go on vacation before you start your last year at hogwarts. Let‘s just say it get‘s interesting between you and your best friend Mattheo.

warnings: modern slytherin group, vacation to spain, cursing, making out, touching a little, lap dance, hickeys, kissing pansy as friends in game, english is not my first language

Enzo, Blaise, Draco, Theodore, Mattheo, Pansy and me. We all sat together at my house around a big round table. My parents and I had a big house in New York, living there when the wizard world got a little too much.

It wasn‘t the first time that I had all of my friends over, we were inseparable. Everybody knew. So after a few years I showed them a little of my second world, leaving them no choice but to like it. Just like me, they liked to escape our world sometimes, leaving all the monsters and unicorns behind for some relaxing. Just like now.

"So.. where do we wanna go, huh?" Theodore asked into the round, lightning his cigarette.

"Why don‘t we think about what kind of vacation we want first?" I said, taking my Ipad in front of me and opening my vacation apps. " Please somewhere near the beach. I wanna tan and we‘re around the forest and mountains all the time in Hogwarts." Pansy said, stretching her legs over Draco‘s and Blaise‘s laps who were sitting on my garden couch.

"Yeah I agree, If I see one more forest I‘m gonna die." Blaise joins the conversation with a dramatic sigh at the end.

Mattheo and Draco teased each other at the meantime like little kids, throwing their cherry pits at each other.

"What about Italy? There‘s beach and sun." Enzo asks, sitting on the grass beneath us, playing with my dog. "Nah, I already live there that‘s no vacation for me." Theo answers, shaking his head and blowing out some smoke while speaking.

"I have an idea! Spain is beautiful and it‘s really hot there too, perfect to tan. I was there a few years ago with my parents. And the flight from there back to Hogwarts isn‘t that long. 2-3 hours I think." I suggested and looked around the table, all eyes on me now.

"Where exactly in Spain?" Mattheo asks me, sitting right next to me on a second couch, throwing a pit at Draco again. " Alicante is a great vacation spot. Lots of palms, beach, great fruits and sun. You guys will love it." I smile, already looking for flights for the next days.

"Sounds fine to me." Enzo shrugs, smiling up at me while the rest of our group joins in with "great idea" and some "let‘s do this".

2 days later

" Oh my god its beautiful! " Pansy says, stunned at the apartment I booked for us. "Wow, what a view. You really did a great job y/n." Blaise agrees.

The apartment has indeed a beautiful view, you can see the ocean right in front of us even tho it‘s night, you could see it because of all the lights from the little shops and restaurants along the ocean.

"Soo I booked this apartment with the balcony, 3 bathrooms which should be enough for us and 5 bedrooms. Pansy and Draco will share due obvious reasons." I started looking at them. "Also a kitchen so we can.. i din‘t know, have breakfast or have some snacks if everything is closed at night. And this big fat living room we‘re standing in."

" Blaise is right, you really did a great job at that." Mattheo grins, standing right next to me and looking around the living room.

We all settled in and unpacked our things. Pansy and I marked the biggest bathroom with our makeup and skincare stuff so the boys directly knew its our territory.

"Hey guys Theodore and I are going to a store, getting some groceries." Enzo shouted trough the apartment before walking outside the door with Theo.

"Pansy and me are showering!" I shouted so they‘d know what we‘re up to.

Mattheo and Draco looked at each other, before storming off the couch and sprinting to our bathroom only to realise the door was already locked. "Ugh."

I laughed at them together with Pansy as I shook my head. I took off my makeup as Pansy already got in the shower. "Mattheo is so smitten by you it‘s obvious." She laughs, shampooing her hair.

"You know we‘re just friends, Pansy." I say, cheekly smiling. Mattheo and I are best friends since first grade. All of us got friends real quick. Mattheo and Draco knew each other because the Malfoy‘s raised him for Voldemort. Pansy got a crush on Draco and didn‘t leave his side. Pansy and I had to share a dorm in Hogwarts which made us best friends too really fast. I met Enzo at my first class as he was my partner for the whole year. Blaise met Draco in the common room as they battled for the coolest broom. That‘s how we kind of found our way to each other and I wouldn‘t want to change it for a second.

"Yeah but he looks at you different as he looks at me for example." she answers. "Yeah because you‘re with Draco and he would chop Mattheo‘s dick off!" I laugh before joining her in the shower.

"No y/n, because he likes you a little more than just friends do. And hey I‘m not saying he loves you but all I‘m saying is that there is a little spark between the two of you."

Mattheo and I liked to flirt with each other a lot but we never really did something about it because we‘re just friends. And we just like to flirt for fun. Thats it. I think..

As we were ready we put on some clothes and walked outside the bathroom, our hair still wet from the shower. Pansy sat next to Draco, putting her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. I had to smile at them, they always made me smile no matter what they did. Draco always acted cold towards eveyone around him, besides from his friends of course, we are like family. But he acted really warm around her which made me happy for both of them.

I sat down between Blaise and Mattheo, making myself comfortable laying my legs over Blaise his lap and my head on Mattheo‘s tigh. "Why am I always getting your girls legs?" Blaise complains with a little smile on his face. "Oh shut up you love my legs." I say winking at him which just made him laugh and shaking his head.

A few seconds later I felt a hand in my hair, massaging my scalp which made me purr a little. "Like that?" Mattheo asks, grinning down at me. "You know I do, Matty." I sigh, closing my eyes and enjoying his touch. "Your hair smells really good when it‘s wet. What is it, peach?" he asks me and lowers his head a little bit to my hair. " Oh so my hair only smells good when it‘s wet? But yes, it is peach indeed." Mattheo chuckles at my answer. "No it always smells great. It just smells more intense when it‘s wet."

Suddenly I heard a gagging noice which made me lift my head and see Blaise fake gagging. "Can you two take a room?"

"You‘re just jelous because you‘re alone." Draco snickers from the side, stroking Pansy‘s back. I laugh at his comment before I get a death glare from Blaise.

We all get interrupted by our phone‘s ringing. I take mine out if my pocket just like the rest did and saw a notification from our group chat. Yes, I made them get a phone a year ago but they all only used it between the holidays. Never in Hogwarts. But I did and I also made everyone of them an instagram account a while ago but Theo, he only joined this week.

Theodore: Yo guys we‘re on our way with all the groceries get ready for some drinks! And aye y/n this app you showed me is fuuuull of hot girl why didn‘t you show me sooner dude! *picture attached*

I laugh at his message just like the others do and answer him.

Y/N: I told you but you didn‘t want to join! 😤 I‘m getting the glasses 👀

As i send the message i stand up and walk towards the kitchen to get some glasses and shot glasses. "I‘m gonna help." Mattheo speaks as he stands up from his spot and follows me.

As I grab some glasses from a shelf above me, I feel his presence behind me. "Are you smelling my hair again?" "Yeah it‘s kind of addicting." He admits and kisses the top of my head before he grabs some glasses too and brings them back to the living room and sets them on the table in front of the couch.

I turn on the tv and switched to netflix putting on some random show for some background noises. Just in time Theo and Enzo came trough the door with bags full of alcohol and some food. "Hey guys, just put it on the table, glasses are ready."

"Yo Y/n we got something for you." "What is it?" I wondered as Theo pulled out a big bowl of fruits, handing them over to me with the words "here principessa, you talked the whole fucking flight about the food and especially the fruits here."

"Oh thank you thank you!" I hugged them both tightly and opened the bowl exited to eat some fruits right away. As the first piece of melon hit my tounge I moaned dramatic, sitting back down on the couch. "Ugh I love it so much. Here guys, try some fruits."

They all laughed at my behavior and took some fruits out if the bowl. "Wow these are really good." Blaise nodded, eating a piece of pineapple.

I took out a strawberry and put it to the half into my mouth, slightly sucking on it as I looked over to Mattheo, holding the bowl out to him as he was the only one who didn‘t take some.

He sat down to my left and took the other half of my strawberry, eating it while looking into my eyes. My cheeks flushed a light color of pink and I had to look away which made him smile.

"Come on guys let‘s drink something." Draco says standing up and taking the first bottle, looking towards me. "What‘s that? Jim Bean. There‘s an green apple on it, does it taste like that?"

"Uh- a little bit, it‘s strong alcohol like firewhiskey but with a hint of green apple." i tell him.

"Sounds fire." he says and pours something into our glasses, mixing it with Coke. We all took one, cheered and took our first sip. "And? You like it?“ i ask Draco with a smug face on my face. "Yeah i like this muggle stuff more and more." We all laugh at that and continue drinking and chatting, also planning a little bit what we‘re gonna do the next few days.

A few hours later we are all drunk, sitting on the couch and on the floor, but all around the table, playing uno. It was only Pansy against Blaise, the rest of us already lost. Blaise lay‘s down a wish card, seeing Pansy has only left 1 card. He thinks for a sec and says "blue" before Pansy springs up happy and dancing, throwing her blue card on the table. " Uno! ha!" Blaise groans in annoyance and lets himself fall back onto the couch.

"Let‘s play something more interesting guys!" Pansy suggests." Somethink like.. never have I ever or.. truth or dare!"

"Truth or Dare!" I giggle, taking an empty bottle from the ground. " I have a perfect app for this guys! It‘s called piccolo." I took out my phone and put all of our names into it so it could give us our first quest.

Draco and Enzo tell us about your most embarrassing story ever.

We all look at them, waiting for them to tell. Enzo tells us how his pants ripped at a date and Draco claims nothing embarrassing has ever happened to him but Pansy tells us how he sneezed into her face at the first dinner with her parents.

Theodore, choose someone‘s glass at the table and drink it all.

Theo groans and try‘s to take the glass with the least drink in it and chooses Mattheo‘s who has a little less in it then mine.

Mattheo, fill up your glass again.

Now Mattheo‘s the one who groans and does as the phone tells him to.

Y/n, choose your left or right for a at least 10 second kiss.

My eyes widen as I look to my left and see Mattheo grinning and to my right Pansy. "Sorry Mattheo." I giggle as i turn to my right and look at Pansy. She has to giggle too and comes near my face.

"Damn boys am I dreaming or are you seeing the same thing I do?" Theodore asks as he gawks at us.

"Shut up and be quiet!" Draco hisses and looks at us too. "Let‘s give them a show." Pansy giggles and pulls me closer. Our lips meet and I can‘t help but smile against her lips.

"Shit.." i hear Enzo whispering. She giggled against my lips as she hears him too and as the 10 seconds are up we seperate and look around us. They all look at us with big eyes and drooling mouths. "God what is it with boys that they find it so hot when teo girls are making out." Pansy asks.

As I lean back into my spot, Mattheo leans right next to me, his lips beside my ear as he whispers inside it "i don‘t know if i should be jelous or lucky to see something like that." My cheeks heat up again but I try to hide it with rolling my eyes and answering " you‘re a little pervert, mattheo." But I still have to laugh.

"And they‘re gone." I hear Blaise saying, which makes me look at them again to see the last bit of Draco and Pansy before they leave the living room and stumble kissing inside of their shared room.

I shake my head chuckling, Theo shouting "Use condoms my kids!"

Enzo, choose someone to drink against you, loser has to do the cleaning.

Enzo looks around the room and grins at me. "Oh my god why.." i half laugh and half whine as I take my glass and start drinking as fast as I can but Enzo is way faster and smashes his glass back down onto the table it almost broke. "Ha! yes!" Enzo celebrates.

Theodore, choose someone in this round and give them an interesting task.

Theo thinks for a moment before his lips curl up into a devilish smile. "Y/n.. " he starts "choose someone of us to give a lapdance to."

My face heats up at his words and my mind starts to think who to choose as I stand up to walk over to Theodore, but a pair of hands grip my hips and pull me into their matching lap. "Don‘t you dare pick someone else than me little peach." mattheo‘s deep voice echoes in my ear.

I look over to Blaise and tell him to put on a song for me. "Damn she really is gonna give him one." Enzo chuckles as he watches me standing up again in front of Mattheo.

Blaise puts on a song which comes out of the music boxes beside us.

I take a deep breath in and out, hoping not to embarrass myself in my drunken state.

I take his hand and leat him to an empty arm chair besides the couch.

I start slowly circling the chair, my finger gazing his shoulder and his chest as the music starts. When I stand behind him I grap his hair and softly pull on it so his head throws back. I arch my back and lower down a bit until i tease him with brushing my lips against the skin of his neck, making him shivers in his seat. I get back up and walk around the chair again, still touching his arm softly.

When I stand in front of him I put my foot on his chair between his spread legs, slowly tracing it with my own fingers. I know how much he loves me legs, he always told me. That was the real reason why Blaise always got the legs. Because I wanted to tease Mattheo.

I saw him gulping and his hands twitching as he trys not to touch my leg. I take my leg back to the ground and arch my back again, pushing his legs together and sitting on his lap in one smooth motion.

I hear the boys whistle at my move and I have to hide a smile. I slowly start to grind on his left tight, after a minute on his right but not with too much pressure, always just brushing and gazing touch.

I looked at Mattheo, him biting his lower lip and looking down at my hips grinding. I stand up again, turn around and bend over with an arched back, shaking my ass.

After that I took a few steps towards him but still with my back to him and sat down on his lap this time, leaning my back against him and slithering one arm around his neck so his head was at my shoulder. I started grinding my hips slowly but this time with more pressure. "And you wanted to do that on one of them?" Mattheo whispers in my ear, laying his hands on my moving hips.

Without answering him I stood up as the song was over. They all cheered and clapped their hands together which made me laugh and blush. I sat back down on the couch looking over to Mattheo who stood up, his hands hanging in front of his crotch.

He walked over to me, sitting beside me with a little frown to his face which made me gulp. "What‘s wrong?" I asked him quietly so the rest wouldnt hear, even tho they were already distracted by something new. "Nothing." he mumbled and looked at the still running tv. "Come on tell me, we‘re best friends. I can see somethings wrong."

Then he looks at me with sharp eyes, taking my hand and putting it on his lap. "Does this feel like nothing to you, y/n?" he asks with a low voice, my eyes going wide as I felt him hard in his pants, because of.. me?

Without even thinking I grabbed him trough his pants, making his eyes go wide. At first he looked at the boys, then at me. "Y/n.. " "Mattheo.."

Suddenly he grabs my shirt pulling me towards him and crashes his lips against mine. This time my eyes go wide as I feel his lips against mine. They feel soft and full, tasting like the apple whiskey we drank all night long. His hands roam over my body, feeling almost every inch of me.

I lick his bottom lip before I let him explore my mouth with his tounge. "Fuck you taste so fucking good." he breathes against my lips.

My hand is still on his lap, feeling almost paralyzed as i didn‘t move out of fear what would happen next If I continue. But I could feel how much harder he got from our little makeout session.

"Mattheo.. we have to stop." I whisper against his lips, my forehead against his. "But it feels so good.." "I know it does, but we will regret it If we don‘t stop, okay?" He groans and takes me by my hips, pulling me on top of him.

"Y/n, please. I beg you. Just make out a little more with me, I need this." he slurrs, obviously still as drunk as I am. That‘s why I blame my next decision on the alcohol.

My hands grab his shirt and I pull him even closer to me, brushing my lips against his. "Tomorrow we‘re normal friends again okay? Nothings going to be awkward or different, because we just make out a little.. like friends do, helping each other just to ease a little. Promise me." the words come out as a whisper and he nodds, agreeing to them. ".. I promise."

Desperately he closes the space between us, taking my lips in for a heated kiss again. My hands were on his hair, slightly pulling on some strands. "Do that again.." he groans. I pull again and a strangled moan leaves his lips making me shiver on him.

He arches his back a little, bucking his hips against mine. He shudders when my hips move back against his, still sitting on his lap.

"What are you even doing to me, Peach – huh?" I hear him say before he traces down an invisible path down my neck, leaving light and wet kissed.

– thats all I remember before waking up in my bed in the morning with my head hurting like hell. I groan and try to get up, wanting to take a shower. It sounds like the rest is still asleep so I walk into mine and Pansy‘s bathroom, taking off my clothes to get into the shower. With one last turn I see myself in the mirror, my eyes widen. What the fuck.

I had a hickey right between my breasts and one on my collorbone but it was really small and almost bot noticeable. Who was - shit Mattheo.

—

yoo 2 posts in less than 24h ?? Crazyy

this is going to be a mini series. 🫶🏻 inspired by my vacation 2 weeks ago to Barcelona 🇪🇸

my Masterlist

xoxo Sarah <3

#slytherin boys #slytherin squad #slytherin gang #slytherin boys x reader #theodore nott oneshot #theodore nott smut #theodore nott x reader #slytherin imagine #slytherin smut #theodore nott imagine #theodore nott x y/n #mattheo riddle x you #mattheo riddle fluff #mattheo riddle imagine #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle smut #mattheo riddle #harry potter imagine #harry potter masterlist #pansy parkinson #pansy parkinson imagine #blaise zabini #lorenzo berkshire #draco malfoy #draco malfoy imagine

[derridoid]

Hetalia Food/Drink Headcanons: Main Ensemble Edition

We all know North Italy has a love for pasta. One might imagine that he has a love for the "fancier" or more "complex" pasta dishes his home has to offer - and he does! - his absolute favorite dish is cacio e pepe. It reminds him of what Grandpa Rome would make for him when he was younger and needed a pick-me-up. Nobody makes it as good as Grandpa Rome, of course.

Germany has been coming around to IPA's over the last few centuries. If a world meeting is held at America's house, and if he and some of the other nations will go out for drinks afterward, he'll order one. He'd rather have a lager any day, but given that he's not a huge fan of America's take on lagers, he'll take the lesser of two evils. You might even get him to admit he kinda-sorta-almost likes them if he's tipsy enough - yes, even the hipster-y ones.

Japan has gone to every Ramen Jiro in Japan dozens of times over. He'd consider himself a Jirorian, doing his best to blend in with the students and salarymen who frequent the shops, and he likes to invite Greece and Prussia to accompany him on his trips to the "sacred" shop in Mita. (ie, the original Ramen Jiro) His go-to is the tonkatsu.

(more under the cut)

While America is and always be a fan of a good all-beef patty, he's become a fan of the "impossible," plant-based meats that are growing in popularity. He says eating plant-based burgers and hot dogs make him feel like he's living in a sci-fi movie - "in the future, people will GROW their meat!" - and appreciates the fact that most plant-based meat companies' environmental footprints are much smaller.

England is, of course, something of a tea aficionado, at least in the Western world. His "usual" is a nice Earl Grey, usually the Twinings brand - a fan since the beginning! - but he's been known to drink green or oolong, with China giving him suggestions on which blends he'd like best. Canada has been trying to get him to come around to the London fog variant of Earl Grey, but England is staunchly against trying it.

It actually took France a few decades to get his recipe for macarons right - they're finnicky little pastries! - but now that he's got it down, he loves making them. Watching him make these confections is like watching an artist at the easel or the marble block. In the last century or so, he's also gotten really creative with the flavors he uses for each batch, both successfully and unsuccessfully. He's gotten into the practice of making a batch of two dozen with unique flavors for each nation on their "birthday" - his favorite to date are the cherry blossom ones he made for Japan some time ago.

Russia has a tendency to over-season his food. If he's following a recipe with specific measurements provided - half a teaspoon of celery seed, a teaspoon of tarragon - it's not a problem. However, if he's going off of sight and feel alone, he puts in way too much, because "it never looks like there's enough!" By the time he gets around to tasting the food to check the seasoning, it's often too late. The worst offender is usually pepper, but most people are too intimidated? nice to complain.

There's a long-standing agreement that the nation whose house a World Meeting is held at is the nation who decides where everyone goes out for dinner - if the meeting is hosted in New York, America usually takes the nations to a steakhouse; if the meeting is hosted in Rome, North and South usually take people to a local pizza place; so on and so forth. When meetings are hosted at China's house, he, almost without fail, takes everyone out for hot pot. Everybody loves it, and they look forward to when meetings are hosted in Beijing. China is personally is a huge fan of the mutton, and has been for centuries.

South Italy makes the most unbelievable pizza ever known to man or nation. His favorite is the Pizza Margherita, which he perfected with Rafaele Esposito (the father of modern pizza) and has been eating since it first dropped at the Risorgimento in the 1860s, thank you very much. In fact, he used to work at Esposito's tavern Pizzeria di Pietro e basta così when he wasn't engaged with nation-y activities. In recent history, he grows his own San Marzano tomatoes and basil for the Margherita pizzas he makes, and he still uses the original dough recipe he picked up from Esposito. He could share it with you, but he'd have to kill you.

Prussia has swapped recipes with Poland for like, the past few hundred years, and much of the food he ate was influenced by Poland and, to some extent, Russia. His favorite thing to make, even after all these years, is Königsberger Klopse. He does tend to go a little heavy on the capers. Unrelated - one time, he accidentally ate some of Gilbird's gourmet seed blend, thinking it was snack seed mix, and didn't notice until about three handfuls in that it was not human/nation-grade product. Germany was there to see it, and is the only person that knows. He's been sworn to secrecy on the matter under the threat of blackmail.

Canada, as we know, is a fiend for ice cream, and he'll eat just about any brand of it that you offer to him. His favorite for "binging" is Chapman's, mostly because it comes in a cardboard box that can be deconstructed and laid out near-flat - no spoonfuls lost in the corners! He's also a fan of some of his brother's brands of ice cream, particularly Ben & Jerry's. He's been known to make the near 5-hour trek from his place to the factory in Waterbury, Vermont for a tour and free samples...multiple times a year, even...don't tell America this, or he'll get teased.

#hetalia #hws #aph #hws italy #aph italy #hws germany #aph germany #aph japan #hws japan #hws america #aph america #hws england #aph england #hws france #aph france #hws russia #aph russia #hws china #aph china #hws romano #aph romano #hws prussia #aph prussia #hws canada #aph canada #SORRY ABOUT ALL THE TAGS PEOPLE #hetalia headcanons #hws headcanons #aph headcanons

[readyforthegarden]

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x Reader

Warnings: None, pure cute date night fluff!

AN: This is based on the absolutely adorable post made by @sunfl0wer-power about date night with the guys, and Sam’s being pasta night. Brenna thank you so much for this inspiration and okaying me to write this! (To anyone who sent in a prompt the other week, I am working on them, I promise!!)

🍝 🍝 🍝

Date nights with Sam were always incredible. Since you met, he always knew how to have a good time, taking you out to dinner, dancing, a little dive bar for some drinks, even to a line dancing competition where you almost won fourth place (which was entirely based on charisma, in your two-left footed opinion). You always left the night with your cheeks hurting from smiling and laughing so much, and hot from blushing under his attentions and touches.

All that being said, you were relieved when he texted you one day, asking if you’d be okay with a date night at home, well, his home. You were excited for something a little more casual, asking what he had in mind.

‘I thought we could make some dinner together, watch a movie…makeout on the couch until our lips fall off?” you giggled, knowing the lanky man would quite literally go on kissing you until that happened.

“All of that sounds wonderful to me. Can I bring anything?”

“Just your cute self. And a dog treat for Rosie, she won’t forgive you if you forget.”

“I already have a milkbone in my bag for her 😉”

“Perfect. I’ll see you tonight, around six?”

“See you then, 😘”

“😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘”

Laughing at the string of emojis he sent back, you focused back on your work, glancing towards the clock and counting down until you were done and could leave for Sam’s.

After the longest four hours of work of your life, you were knocking on Sam’s front door, hearing the excited tapping of Rosie’s nails on the floor as she ran to see who was there, and Sam telling her it was you in an excited voice.

“Hi baby!” Sam grinned as he swung open the door. He ushered you inside, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he closed the door behind you and you knelt down to give some love to Rosie, having her sit before giving her the treat you’d tucked away in your purse. Standing back up, you turned back to Sam and wrapped your arms around his waist, just happy to be in his embrace. You pulled back and looked up at him, pressing a soft kiss to his pouty lips before turning towards his kitchen, hearing music spilling from the speaker in there.

“Are you playing Sinatra?” Sam shrugged and nodded.

“Fits the theme,” was all he supplied with a smile. You set your bag down and kicked off your shoes and put them next to Sam’s by the door and followed him down the hallway. The lights in the kitchen were lowered, the atmosphere already starting to feel romantic, making your heart beat excitedly in your chest. You saw a big mound of flour on the large, square island, and a small, metal machine with a crank. Fresh herbs were peeking out from a reusable cloth grocery bag, along with a crusty loaf of bread.

“Are we making pasta?” you turned to him, eyes wide. He smiled and nodded.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I thought a nice Italian dinner sounded good, and making it together from scratch sounded like fun.” Sam took your hand, gently leading you to the mound of flour and picking an apron from the other counter, draping it over your head. “Besides, there is nothing like the taste of fresh, homemade pasta. I had some when we toured in Italy and it just hits different. I made sure when we came back to learn to make it.”

“I bet that was amazing. Italy sounds amazing and beautiful.” you sighed wistfully, imagining drinking a glass of wine looking over the Italian countryside with a plate of carbonara.

“I’ll take you one day, I promise.” Sam murmured, reaching down and around you, tying the apron strings around your waist before putting his own on. He leaned his head back, shaking his hair over his shoulders and gathering it into a small bun at the back of his head, and you bit your bottom lip, trying not to stare at how handsome he looked with his hair pulled back. “Are you ready?”

“I’m ready!” Sam brought you in close, picking up a mixing bowl and gently pressing it into the middle of the flour mountain, making a divet. Explaining that there were two types of flour in the mix, semolina and all purpose, he handed you the bowl, and instructed you to pour in the contents, bright yellow egg yolks, into the hole. Setting the bowl aside, you took the fork he handed you, and watched him as he showed you how to mix up the yolks and incorporate the flour. He had you try and soon enough, you’d made a large ball of dough.

“Okay, now we need to…well, knead.” Sam chuckled, sprinkling some more flour on the work surface. He left you try first, but soon his hands were over yours, arms around your body and front pressed to your back, helping you apply the right amount of pressure to work the gluten in the dough. He was letting out soft, quiet grunts from the exertion and your cheeks flushed.

“You keep grunting like that in my ear, we’re not going to finish this dinner.” you giggled, causing Sam’s body to shake against yours with a laugh.

“Trust me, you’ll hear them later, baby.” he pressed a kiss to the shell of your ear. “Focus on the pasta, and you’ll get a nice cannoli for dessert.” you shook your head, letting him know his joke was bad and he just laughed more. “Okay, no more jokes, let’s roll this out.”

After another surface dusting of flour, Sam grabbed a rolling pin, coating that with flour and starting to flatten out the dough. After a few moments, he handed it to you, and you took your turn rolling, before it was the perfect thickness to roll.

“What kind of noodles are we making?” you asked as Sam cut wide strips out.

“Papardelle. It’s just a little wider than fettuccine and holds sauce really nicely.” you nodded and took the sheet he handed you, listening to him as he instructed you how to run the sheet through the pasta cutter. You couldn’t help the excited squeal you let slip through your lips as you watched the separated noodles come out the other end of the machine as Sam turned the crank.

“Look!” you picked one up, pinching it between your thumb and forefinger and holding it up in front of his face. “I made pasta! Barilla who?” Sam just grinned at you as you admired your handiwork, and noticed a small bit of flour on the apple of your cheek. He reached out and cupped your face, swiping it away with his thumb as his warm, coffee brown eyes gazed down at you. If you’d been in this relationship longer than you had, you would’ve sworn it was a look of love he was adoring you with. You were certain your eyes were filled with the same emotion as he slowly, gently closed the space between you and pressed his lips to yours. You couldn’t help the little spring in your feet as you popped up to his level so he wouldn’t have to bend his back too far, making him smile as you softly placed your hands on his sides, using the fabric of his shirt to tug yourself closer to him.

After a few moments of the sweet embrace, you parted, both of you smiling and getting back to work, making more noodles. Once that was done, Sam lifted a large pot onto the stove after filling it with water.

“We’ll boil the noodles and while we wait for the water to heat up, we’ll start our sauce.” He pulled out a saucepan from a cupboard and placed it on the stove. Turning to the bag, he pulled out the herbs, a clove of garlic and a large onion. He handed you the onion to peel and dice as he took care of mincing the garlic, saying he’d handle the stinkier of the two.

“I already blanched and peeled the tomatoes before you got here, I didn’t think you’d want to sit here and peel them, it can be frustrating.” Sam informed you, grabbing a strainer from the sink. The soft flesh of red tomatoes shone under the kitchen lights.

“I didn’t realize we were making the sauce from scratch too!” you looked up at Sam, smiling excitedly. So far cooking with him had been amazing, you were excited to do more of it.

“This is not a jarred sauce household, babygirl.” Sam winked at you. “You’ll never use store bought again once you taste this.”

“Ooh, I’ll be the judge of that.” you teasingly challenged him back as you finished your last cut through the onion. Sam guided you back to the stove, drizzling olive oil in the saucepan and letting it heat up before having you add the onions in and then him the garlic. While that cooked down, you and him made quick work of cutting up the tomatoes, scooping out the seeds and putting the halves back in the strainer. Once that was done, he added them to the pot with the fresh oregano, thyme, basil and salt and pepper.

“Okay, we’ll let that boil for a little bit and meld everything together.” Sam started cleaning up a bit, and you pitched in, starting to wash the plastic cutting board and knives in the sink as he wiped down the counters and cleaned them until the pasta water starting boiling. You washed your hands and nearly danced over to the pot, watching Sam toss some salt into the water as the bubbles rolled. "I'll let you do the honors of the first pasta drop."

"Why thank you, what a gentleman." you chuckled, picking up one of the little nests of noodles. You let it gently slid from your palm into the water, and Sam picked up the next one, plopping it in unceremoniously, making you laugh. You finished putting the noodles into the pot, wiping your hands on your apron before moving around Sam and stirring the sauce. Sam came up next to you, a clean spoon in hand and dipped it into the sauce, blowing on it when he brought it back up and held it to your lips, cupping a hand under it in case a drop spilled. You opened your mouth, taking a taste of the sauce and humming as the fresh flavors coated your tongue. "That's so good, Sam." he smiled as he put the spoon into his mouth, pulling it out clean, nodding and doing a little dance.

"I think this is my best batch of sauce yet." he proclaimed, tossing the spoon into the sink and turning back to you. "And it's all because you helped me make it, I think."

"Oh I don't know if that's true." you shook your head. Sam wrapped an arm around you, pulling him into his side and pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

"It is, this sauce is made with love. You can taste it." you snuggled into Sam's side, letting him sway you around to Dean Martin's "You're Nobody 'Til Somebody Loves You" as the sauce simmered and the water bubbled in the background. Sam was humming along to the melody, and just as you wished he would sing, his voice softly filled your ears, his cheek resting on top of your head. "As sure as the stars shine above you're nobody 'til somebody loves you, so find yourself somebody to love."

You could've stayed like that all night, but the timer he set for the pasta started going off, and you had to leave the warmth of his embrace. You leaned up against the island and watched as he took a pair of tongs and pulled out a few noodles, taking one to the sink and running it under cold water to cool it before testing the doneness. He bit off a bit of it and then held it out for you. You took the noodle and bit into it, a perfect al dente. Dipping a measuring cup into the pasta water, he set that aside and went to drain the pasta.

He took it straight from the strainer and into the sauce pan, coating the noodles with the rich tomato sauce and adding just a little bit of the reserved pasta water and letting it simmer a bit to thicken the sauce. In the mean time, he took the bread from the bag, slicing it and laying the slices on a baking sheet, rubbing a cut clove of garlic over the bread and sprinkling some extra herbs on it once he'd put some butter on top. Popping the tray in the oven on broil, he timed it a few minutes before pulling out perfectly browned, crispy garlic bread.

Once the consistency of the sauce was too his liking, he had you grab two bowl-like plates from the cupboard and hold them for him as he plated the pasta, twisting it into a cute spiral on the plates.

"Okay, now just a little extra." he reached into the grocery bag and pulled out a wedge of parmesan cheese, and found a grater in one of the drawers of the island. He unwrapped it quickly and shaved it over the pasta, sprinkling it with the finest snow of cheese you'd ever seen, and then a pinch of some parsley he got just for garnish. "There. Perfect."

"This looks and smells incredible, Sam, I can't wait to try it." you rubbed your hands together excitedly.

"Follow me to the dining room." you expected Sam to lead you to his actual dining room, but instead, he took you to the living room. You hadn't noticed it when you'd passed by earlier, but he'd rearranged the space to fit a small table and two chairs. There was a bottle of wine at the table and glasses ready for a pour as he set the plates down. He came back and reached forward, untying the knot at the front of your apron and tugging the strings loose before taking the apron off you. He did the same with his and took your hand leading you to the table. You noticed as he tucked your chair in for you, instead of sitting across from you, he was right beside you, his knee brushing yours under the table as he sat.

"Sam, no matter what this tastes like," you began. "I just want you to know, this has been one of the best dates I've ever been on." Sam blushed and smiled, moving the hand closest to you and taking yours in his.

"For me too." he agreed. "You're easy to work with. And the kissing between tasks is a plus."

"Yeah, I'll cheers to that." you giggled. "Well, once you pour the wine." Sam reached out and grabbed the bottle of wine, opening it and pouring both of you a glass before raising his and meeting yours with a small cheers and taking a sip. From there, you both dug in, and you couldn't help the praises that slipped from your lips at how good the dinner was, glad that you'd made so much so you could ask for a little to take to work the next day for lunch.

"Okay, can I ask something?" Sam pushed the pasta around his plate for a minute.

"Sure, what is it?" you asked, dabbing your napkin against your lips as you set yours down. Sam took a small breath.

"I know it's dumb and silly, and you don't have to, but..." he squeezed his eyes shut before looking at you. "I've always wanted to have a Lady and the Tramp moment with pasta..." you took a moment to realized what he was trying to ask.

"Oh! Well...neither of us are wearing white, and it's kind of cute you want to do that...why not?" Sam lit up, picking up a long noodle from his plate and sticking one end in his mouth, and holding out the other for you. You got the other end in your mouth and both you and Sam had trouble keeping your giggles at bay as your lips inched closer and closer before the final bite, and your lips were planted firmly against one anothers.

"Rosie probably thinks we're idiots." Sam laughed, wiping sauce from his chin as you wiped some from your cheek.

"She always has," you shrugged. The two of you finished your meal together, and you helped him clean up, packing up the left overs into tupperware and into the fridge, nearly squealing with delight when he told you that two of them were for you to take home.

Sitting on the couch, you were snuggled up into his side watching the movie on the television, when you realized something.

"Hey Sam, is there any dessert?" Sam looked down at you, eyebrows furrowed.

"I thought you were stuffed?" he asked, and you leaned up, taking his chin in your hand and gently shaking his head back and forth.

"Well, someone promised me a cannoli..." Sam smirked immediately and wrapped his arms around you, leaning you back on the couch until you were flat on your back.

"Oh, there's dessert alright, c'mere baby."

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#greta van fleet #sam kiszka #sam kiszka x reader #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet fan fiction #endings are so hard and cringey to write idk

[altcomics]

Italy

by Sarah Schneider

22.8

C met me at Milano Centrale. I had spent the morning wandering around the station and sleeping on the steps in the sun. We didn’t kiss when we saw each other on the platform, and I handed him a hardboiled egg I had brought in my backpack. On the train, I asked him if he missed me and told him it was hard for me to separate and come together again. We kissed and went to the bathroom to have sex, but he came with the condom on before he was inside me. Back in our seats, he felt embarrassed and I told him it would be weird if he didn’t come quickly after not seeing each other. C looked out the window and I fell asleep on his lap. From the station at Sestri Levante, we walked up into the hills to our airbnb, stopping at a little shop where the Italian woman sold us packaged ice creams with soggy cones. We walked for over an hour, and a lot of it I was quiet, thinking how can I ever be happy again? At the house, where our hosts spoke to us in Italian, our room was cool and dark, the windows shut, only slits of light from the spaces in the closed wooden shutters. We had sex, C came, then he gave me head, then we had sex again and we both came. At the end I said “wow” and he smiled. We lay in bed naked and I talked about my anxiety and sadness in being long distance. He said he understood, but he knows some day we will live in the same place. I cried and he said he didn’t expect to see me cry. It was dark, and we walked out into the cool night air, along quiet winding mountain roads, past huge squashes hanging down concrete walls from people’s gardens. We ate pizza on the patio of a little restaurant and talked about Italian culture and American politics. We walked home past barking dogs, kissing and making jokes. Before bed, C gave me head in a modified 69 position, as I lay on top of him. Afterwards I asked, was your finger in my bum? He said, my finger is always in your bum. We told each other we love each other and fell sleep, me as the little spoon, and I slept very well.

23.8

We slept in and when we woke up, C went out and said our hosts invited us for breakfast on the terrace. Outside, it was cool and sunny and there were mountains all around us. Our host was playing catch with her dog in the front yard and C had made us a pot of tea. Our host gave us milk and cookies, and we ate them while looking at a map of where we would walk that day. C said we should walk all the way to the next campsite, in Rapallo, which was seven hours from us, much further than I expected. We tried to lighten our bags, and I threw all my copper money into the trash. Our hosts drove us in to Sestri Levante, while their dog slept with his head on my lap in the back seat. From the station where they let us off, we started walking. We were excited to be in Italy, with the bright sunlight, cream-colored buildings, and blue sea. We walked through a tunnel along the coast with arched windows cut through thick concrete looking out to the ocean. We jumped over a little fence by the road and scrambled down to a ledge of boulders that met the water. We put on our swimsuits, and C went in, but there were barnacles and big waves, so I stayed standing on the rocks. I saw two tiny crabs and a sea urchin, and then we made our way back to the road to keep walking. It was around 11:30 and, tired and sweaty, we crossed over the road, and went to another beach. The sea was salty and burned my eyes and face. We lay in the sun eating almonds and chocolate and we watched an old woman walk into the water with her cane. For lunch we went to a supermarket to buy pesto, focaccia, mozzarella, tomato, and arugula, which we ate with our salty fingers in the shade. We started walking up a big hill then stopped in a little church, where I got on my knees to pray next to C, who said he doesn’t believe in that stuff. I felt so hot and wet with sweat I thought I could never get dry. Near the top of the mountain, we stopped and I drank tea from our flask. I asked if C thought we should take a bus, since we still had more than three hours of walking to go. He more or less said no, and that walking was my idea. We kept going and I said I was sorry for complaining because I actually did want to walk. When we finally started going down hill, we high-fived. I scrumped some ripe figs and grapes for us to eat, and we filled our water bottles at a faucet by a church and dumped water on each other, but mostly me on myself. C pointed out many places where we could hypothetically set up a tent–someone’s olive grove, an empty parking spot on the road.  C asked an Italian builder for ‘aqua’ and he ran inside to find his wife, who came out and gave us giant glass bottle of cold fizzante. C said to me, “who’s your boy?” and also that builders know what it feels like to be thirsty. We sat on a bench and acted normal while C pulled out his dick and peed on the ground. We reached Zoagli, a little town wedged between the mountains, the center square separated from the sea by massive stone arches of the train tracks. We walked the wrong way down the coastal walkway, where everyone was swimming or lounging packed into the nooks and crannies of the rocks. We found our way again, up a steep staircase, through the lush green trees and a motor tunnel. We walked for a long time down a mountain highway not speaking, C ahead of me. By the time we reached Rapallo, I was feeling pretty bad, and C was too. The sea front was packed with aging tourists; the town lined with bleak shops selling flip-flops and cell phone cases. Further down the road, past gas stations and chain-link fences, we found our campsite, and reserved a spot for the night. C set up our tent on a balding patch of grass then we ate spaghetti and pizza at a restaurant across the road. We talked about our favorite parts of the day and where we might travel next summer. We made jokes and took photos of each other. After we paid our bill, I suggested C steal the sugar spoon to eat yogurt with in the morning and he did. In the tent we made love and I fell asleep first.

24.8

In the night, I woke up to the sound of a large animal eating something near our tent. I lay still and C snored. He stopped then whispered, “There’s a hungry horse”. He fell back asleep, and I did too, until we heard the noise, which sounded more like a wild boar, encounter a smaller animal that shrieked a horrible shriek and I sat up straight. In the morning, I felt like I could have slept forever, but C was up and said we should get going. We agreed to walk the two and a half hours to Portofino, and from there decide if we should carry on into the footpaths of the mountains to wild camp, or if we should return to the campsite that night. We walked along a red carpet that wrapped around the coast and lead us over rolling hills past grand hotels and clear blue water. We stopped at a small public beach by a hotel, where only a few people were swimming. C unrolled the tent onto the rocks so it might dry in the sun. We called C’s mum for her birthday, and I told her about the wild boar and eating figs from the trees. While swimming, I peed, and C came close to me because he wanted to feel it, but then he moved away when we noticed how oily it looked in the water. We continued walking and we got hot, so we stopped at a bench to look out at the ships on the sea. C started feeling me up under my dress and I pushed him away as joggers went by. We kissed and took pictures of each other and joked around. We walked along the bay of Parragi, talking about land art- C about Richard Long’s A Line made by walking, and me about Ana Mendieta’s Silueta Series. C didn’t know she was married to Carl Andre, and I explained about how he probably pushed her out a 34-story window to her death. At Portofino we bought savory pastries and hard nectarines for 11 euros and C said we got ripped off. The port was scattered with yachts and the town square was full of restaurants with roped-off white tablecloth seating. The tourists were mostly speaking English and we wandered up and down looking for a beach but there didn’t seem to be one. We walked up a staircase where C was confident there would be a beach, and we saw a piece of printer paper taped to a tree with the words “public beach” on it. Down some stairs there was a little cove entirely shaded and crowded by small boats. I tried to sleep on a jagged rock and then used C’s lap as a pillow. When I woke up I felt tired and full of dread. C said there was another beach, an hour and a half walk further in a place on the map with nearly no towns marked. He said we should go buy food then make our way there and spend the night. I didn’t speak on our way up from the beach, and we sat in the church at the top. I prayed on my knees then hugged C and said ok let’s go buy some food. We bought focaccia and goat cheese and tomatoes and a grapefruit, and then looked for the long path we would take to the beach. We wandered around, trying to orient ourselves on google maps, but our blue dot seemed confused. An Italian woman stopped and asked if we needed help. We showed her where we were going and she said we shouldn’t go now, because it was too hot, the walk too long and steep. C said we are fine, we had walked from Sestri Levante, and she said that is nothing compared to where you are going. She said to make sure we could get a ferry back before nightfall, and C said we are not coming back. She looked concerned and said there is nothing there. She told us to take a map. C didn’t want to but I said he must go buy a map. I waited in the shade with our bags while he did. When he came back, map in hand, I said we needed to talk, because I didn’t want to go any further. I said I wanted to go to the beach at Parragi and then back to the campsite. C agreed, in a ‘how could things get any worse’ tone, then walked quickly ahead of me. I walked along, feeling gleeful about our new plan. After a few minutes he came next to me and said of course it was ok not go for further, but he wished we would have left our heavy bags at the campsite. We passed the crowded beach of Parragi and walked down stairs leading us to a flat rock formation where people were packed together on towels and jumping off into the water. We found a little space for ourselves, just big enough to sit up in between our bags. I dove into the water, which was cool and full of fish, and I looked up at the green mountains all around, half in the shade and half in the light, as the day was fading into late afternoon.  I sat next to C and we ate our food, folding the focaccia around pieces of cheese, and biting into the tomato. We talked about the autobiography of Malcolm X and watched as the girls in bikinis climbed on top of high rocks and dove into the water.  We swam together, and C insisted I put on his goggles so I could see the fish underwater. When I put them on, C made fun of the way I looked, and I laughed so hard I peed. On our walk back to Rapallo, we stopped to eat licorice gelato on the beach. We walked through an empty golf course, alone in the lavender glow of twilight, and had to slide between a fence and concrete wall to get back to the campsite. I realized that I had lost the camping towel C had bought me somewhere along the way and said I was sorry. The long day ended with us hanging up all our wet clothes on a tree, C saying ‘everything that could go wrong has’, me giving him head, and us both falling asleep before 10pm.

25.8

Dreamt I was up in the hills with C, tall bridges everywhere. Woke up feeling hot and took off my top and slept in just my tights. At 7am C woke me up and said happy one year anniversary. He wanted to make love but I wanted to go out to breakfast instead. We went to a little café nearby and had coffee and crossiants, one regular, one with bright green pistachio filling. We talked about how we felt about camping and what we would do differently next time in Greece. We bought some local fruits from a shop and C apologized for being grumpy the night before. He asked if I felt weird I gave him head, since it is something I rarely do. I told him it was okay and I thought his cum tasted like licorice ice cream. We started our walk to Recco, on a quiet country road, uphill and shaded by trees, eating grapes that tasted like flowers and scrumping blackberries along the way. We stopped to read a sign in front of an dilapidated building with a fresco on the front, which said the building housed lepers in the 1500s and then later, victims of the plague. We talked about our trip so far and I asked about his experience traveling with other girlfriends. He said he had never been to so many places and walked so far with someone as with me. We stopped because I felt hot, and because no one was around, I took off my sweaty dress and stood behind a shed in my underwear. We walked down a wobbly stone staircase off the side of the road, into the woods, where we had sex against a tree, and it was very sexy, how vulnerable we were to the world and each other.  Afterwards, C said he likes giving me head while I’m standing up, because of the physical challenge, and also the role reversal of being on his knees. I asked if he had seen people having sex before, and I talked about the podcast about a woman who, from her living room window, watched a young man and his girlfriend have sex in their apartment for a year up until he died from cancer in their bed. C picked a cactus fruit and I told him to peel it carefully because of the spikes and we ate it and I said it reminded me of a papaya. We reached the top of the mountain where there was a little town and we could see the ocean down on the other side. We filled our water bottles and kissed sitting on the steps of a beautiful church while people stood around us talking. Then we made our way down, walking slowly, and we examined different fruits we could potentially scrump, but didn’t. C dangled his dick off a stone wall and peed while I tried to throw rocks into the stream. Finally, we reached the beach, where there were many families and we spread out our bed sheet since I no longer had a towel, and I lay on my stomach topless until I dried off. C gave me my anniversary gift- a book about the Greek islands by Lawrence Durell and a card with a drawing he made on the front and inside he wrote many nice things, including how he felt like he had never seen the world before meeting me. I pulled out the Ritter Sport I brought him but when I did, it had completely melted and was a liquid inside the package. Later it would pop in my backpack and leak almost entirely into the inside pocket. We went into the water together, and C held me and talked in a cockney accent and pretended to carry me off to sea. We walked a long way, talking about how to make and use concrete, and who might live in the houses overlooking the water. We climbed up a mountain up to our campsite, where we made love and showered together and took naked selfies with the orange glow of the tent on our sun burned faces. I sat between his legs on the dirt patch outside our tent and we watched the lights from ships move slowly across the water in the dark night. I read my journal out loud to him and he said how good he thought it was, and we fell asleep under the sheet, C taking up most of my mat.

26.8

We woke up at the campsite on top of the mountain in Camogli. C was very sleepy so I went down to wait for the restaurant to open for breakfast and I got us two croissants and cappuccino and hot water for tea. We ate sitting on the concrete wall where C said he had peed the night before. I wanted to take the free bus down the mountain but C said we should walk, so we did. My feet were feeling really tender on the bottoms, so he insisted on putting another pair of socks on me, then I was wearing two pairs, one pink and one lilac. We saw a green house of cactus in the middle of the road with one very tall cactus sticking up through the roof. We stopped to buy nectarines out of a truck on the side of the road and noticed how in Italian, nectarines are also called peaches, and we wondered what the difference was, other than the skin. I peed in the parking lot of a church and felt really sweaty. We talked about the problems of renting in urban areas and also the women of Italy who we agreed had style. We walked along the coast in direct sunlight and up winding roads in Genova. We felt hot and tired and C said I smelled like vegetable curry and I told him not to walk next to me. When we arrived it took a few minutes to call the airbnb host to get the keys because C didn’t have the number, and I said the number was on the site, and he said it wasn’t there, and then I looked but didn’t see it, then C found it, so we sat waiting, not speaking or looking at each other. When the host finally let us in, the apartment was bigger than expected, with a balcony off the kitchen overlooking the busy highway. We had sex and fell asleep and when I woke up I went to the bathroom to squeeze my skin in the mirror and C caught me. We walked down to the beach and C said he would not tolerate me picking my skin because I am beautiful and it will only scar. I apologized for how stupid it was to worry about my skin and he said it wasn’t stupid and that sometimes he felt insecure about his nose or posture. At the beach we swam and then lay on the sand. Little kids ran around with buckets of water that splashed on C’s shoes. A disoriented old lady in a bikini wandered around saying something in Italian about peaches. C asked me to try to stack rocks on his tummy but I couldn’t balance them. I put on his goggles with stones over my eyes and he took a picture. He spooned me and I cried a little saying why is my path in life so unclear? On the way home I was still thinking about my skin and we talked about celebrating Jewish holidays. We stopped at the grocery store for bread and eggplant and garlic. When we got home it was dark in the apartment and we walked around naked with the windows open to the warm noisy night and we made love. We cooked dinner and stood on the balcony in our underwear, looking down at the busy highway and into the windows of the hospital across the road. We listened to a podcast about an American woman who moved to Istanbul when she was 30 and it made her realize America was not as good as she always thought it was. After dinner we both felt really full but we had sex anyway, first on our sides looking into each others eyes saying I love you. Then I sat on his lap, turned away from him with my feet on the floor, not using my hands, and he came. We took a bath in the old tiled bathroom with frosted windows. C said he liked the soap dishes built into the wall because they were from another era and couldn’t fit a bottle of body wash. We washed each other’s feet and talked about rap. C said it was sad the most popular rapper was Canadian and if Tupac were still alive he would probably be the president. In bed I suggested we watch the video for Method Man by Wu Tang but it wouldn’t load, so C put on a BBC radio show about childhood obesity instead. We fell asleep under the sheets, C as the little spoon.

27.8

I was up in the night so I walked through the rooms of the apartment and sat on the floor in the living room looking at my phone. I could hear C moving around making little noises in his sleep. When I came back in he said, “I am not ashamed… (Inaudible)”. I lay down next to him then heard him laughing behind me and I asked what it was. He said he had a dream about a herd of cows walking through their own yellow shit and someone putting “my dick” into google maps. When we woke up in the morning and I asked him what time it was, he said his phone was displaying letters instead of number and the letters were S.P.O.O.N.M.E. I asked him to make us tea and I wrote a review in the guest book. When C read it he said it sounded like English was my second language. We had tea on the balcony and also figs and yogurt. C put a hardboiled egg between his bum and I took a picture with the flash on. While I packed, he cleaned the kitchen then we went to the grocery store to buy bus tickets. C said he was confident we could soon be fluent in Italian. We talked about his anxiety about needing to pee while in public. I said maybe he should go to therapy to make peace with the trauma of the time he involuntarily peed on his dining room floor. We made love in the apartment but stopped because I felt sore and he felt sad. We left and caught a bus to the train station and devised an experiment to discover the cause of his peeing problems. We got off and ate lunch sitting against a statue in the park, with C in the sun and me in the shade, discussing plans for our trip to Greece. We ate ice cream and I asked him if he has always been obsessed with getting tan and he said he would not say he is obsessed. Waiting for the train we sang songs like  “how do I live” by LeAnn Rimes and tried to harmonize. We watched a large woman on her cell phone yell at an Italian man on the train platform. She said, in English, “This is my place of work”, and the man’s daughter, who he was holding, began to cry. From inside the train we could see the man being taken away from his family by Italian policemen. When we got to the airport, we sat waiting before C had to get his flight. I drank coffee, we shared a Twix, and he kissed me standing up. He told me to dance a little and I did. As he went through the security line, I stood waving and watching as he moved further away, then he was gone.

_____ ARTWORK BY LUIGI GHIRRI

#Sarah Schneider

[bluedemon1995]

Day 5 22 Chimney-sorry its late, I swear I’m finishing these prompts though!

Christmas vacation this year involved a lodge that Shiro and Curtis rented for the group to have a place to gather for whatever day worked for them. Katie was not looking forward to going. She had a lot of work, and it seemed like a hassle to go up to some cabin.

Unfortunately, Shiro talked to her mom, and her choice in the matter quickly vanished. Instead, she was in the car with Matt and on her way to the cabin. Her parents were in Italy visiting family, and Matt was her keeper. Honestly, it’s like she’s not even an adult.

Once they got to the cabin, she realized more people were there than planned but missing. Those who are still off the planet. Which made her sad. She missed them all being together, and yes, she knew there were new and notable additions to their little group. Curtis is great. James is great. Ina and Veronica are all great.

But missing Allura was a weight she didn’t think would hit as hard. Then there was Lance trying to put on his best face so no one would worry. Which just made her worry more. Katie hated being in such a negative head space, but her heart was pretty heavy at this point. Feeling like she was getting a cold, she opted to sleep in and not go for the skiing portion of the trip.

Which is why she was currently in the house alone, lying on the couch with a bag of Doritos, kitkats, and Coke. She was freezing, but apparently, the fireplace didn’t work. She sighed and looked around for a blanket. Suddenly, the front door slammed, and cold air wafted in.

“What the fuck?! Close the door unless someone is dying!”

“Not dying-just tired!”

Katie jackknife up. “KEITH?!”

“Hey, I told you I’d make it! I keep my promises, brat.”

Katie just stared. She didn’t think he’d show. He’s missed the last few meetings, galas, and even Shiro’s last birthday. What made him come?

Keith dropped his duffle bag, kicked the door shut, and started taking off his coat and shoes. As he hung them up, she could see him sneaking glances her way. What is he thinking? Katie felt her face getting hot, and now she crouched on her knees., peering over the couch. He straightens and walks purposefully toward her.

“Why is it so cold when there’s that huge fireplace there?”

“Well, something is wrong with the chimney, so you can’t start a fire.”

“Who said?”

“Um, Curtis, they tried before we got here and ~”

“Yeah, I got this. I’ll have you warmed up in no time.” He swipes a heavy blanket as he says this and tosses it to me. What is he playing with?

I watch him, huddled in the blanket, as he takes off his sweatshirt and leans into the chimney. He pulls out a tool from the side and starts poking and prodding. Then he repeatedly pulls on some lever, and then he jumps up. He whistles for Cosmo, and they disappear for a few minutes. Suddenly back and cold, he grins at me as Cosmo jumps right onto my lap. Which means he’s sprawled on top of me. As I give my favorite space dog some hugs and rubs, I find that I can’t take my eyes off Keith.

His hair is damp now and despite how cold it is he appears to be sweating. His T-shirt is slightly dirty, and his jeans have a streak of ash or dirt across his butt, like he wiped his hands on them. He grabs for the firewood and somehow in less time that I could blink he has a fire going.

He stands up, nods and turns towards to me. Just staring. I don’t know why I feel my heart racing. Or why my body temperature is suddenly spiking.

He walks over and kneels on the floor in front of me grabbing a hand. Looking down, he mutters, “Shiro said, it was fine if I couldn’t make it. He usually growls or orders. Instead, he said, he invited the MFE’s and that he understood if I had stuff going on. He, um, said that you and James were getting friendly and that he’d take of you.”

Katie’s mouth opened to say she could take care of her damn self when Keith pulled her hand and she tumbled into his lap. He moved her so was straddling him and Katie again felt the temperature rise in the room.

“I found, that…that, idea of him taking care of you…well it really pissed me off. I don’t want him to take care of you. I don’t want your name linked to his, like James and Katie. Or Katie and James.” He pulled her even closer, and Katie found it really difficult to remember how to breathe. “It’s supposed to be us. We’re Keith and Pidge, Keith and Katie, fuck, we ARE my endgame. So, um, what do you think? Miss me, a little? Maybe wanna see me daily in person versus in links?”

Katie could feel her eyes fill with tears. Shit, she just about gave up on him ever, ever picking her. She stared into his eyes and took a slow intake of air. He actually looked scared. Like he didn’t just give her all her dreams tied up in a little bow.

So, she what she could in the moment and nodded. And when she felt the tension leave his body, he pulled her close and said, “Baby, I love you so damn much.

#kidge #keith kogane #katie holt #keith x pidge #keith and pidge #pidge and keith #voltron #fanfiction #pidge #keith #kidge winter event 2023 #kidge winter event #chimney #it’s getting hot in here

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

Have you considered... Vardy and Lucian encountering Aro. Like, outside of the case fic. When they've been together for a while. I don't know, Ellie gifted them a Vacation in Italy or something but they're trouble magnets, so... I don't even know where I'm going with this asdfgj

I think I've kept it vague if Aro exists in this world or not, just for the off-chance I get to play with this idea for my own enjoyment because that is a ship I don't think anyone's bothered with before, haha.

On with the fic!

--

"I hate it here." Hardy said, fanning himself. "The sun's setting and it still feels like it's too damn hot."

"Well, it is the height of summer." Lucian chuckled, walking alongside his partner through the streets of an Italian villa that was picked out by Miller for them to visit. She had weirdly planned some of their trip for them, he didn't understand why.

"The dog days of summer..." Hardy mumbled.

"Was that a joke?"

"I don't even know, I just want to go back to the hotel."

"Well, we'll find it eventually." Lucian replied before stopping in his tracks, a deep frown coming to his lips. "Did you hear that?"

Hardy stopped, turning to look at Lucian, who was tense, alarmed, and looking around. "What is it?" Hardy asked quietly, trying to listen for anything unusual, smell anything... off.

He smelled something faintly metallic, mixed with the unique scent of vampire.

With just a hint of something else that he couldn't quite place.

"Seriously?" Hardy hissed. "Can't catch a damn break, even on holiday..."

"What town in this again?" Lucian asked.

"Volterra or something."

Lucian looked at Hardy, moving quick to grab his hand and started to walk fast. "We need to get our things from the hotel and get out of here."

"What? Why?"

"Because this is the homebase of a very dangerous clan of vampires, one of the most powerful breeds in the world."

"Oh." Came a voice, close behind them. "I'd rather like to think we're the most powerful."

Spinning on his heel, the detective found a man standing behind him. He was dressed in a black suit that looked like it cost more than what Hardy made in a few months. His hair was long, straight, and dark as night, which made his pale skin stand out in the glow of the street lights.

His eyes were a piercing red, and his smile was simple but sharp as a blade.

"Look at you, a curious sort of vampire type." The man said, his voice light, airy, childish and mocking, but clearly entertained. Hardy wanted to punch him.

He heard a warning snarl from Lucian, who was now standing behind him, gripping Hardy's hand tightly. The vampire blinked, then looked rather delighted. "And a werewolf! Goodness, it's been ages since a man wolf has graced this lovely town! Decades, really."

"Lycan." Hardy corrected, baring his fangs in warning. He had a feeling any display he presented would not bother this vampire in the least, but it didn't hurt to try.

Clearly, Hardy was right, as the vampire continued to smile. "You'd best put those little fangs of yours away, little bat. You have no effect on someone like me."

"How would you know that?"

"Years of experience."

Hardy scoffed. "Right. Well, we're off, have a good night or whatever, don't go murdering people."

"Oh," the vampire said, "I already had a meal, I'm just out for a stroll when I came upon your unique scents. A bit blended, it seems." His smile turned a little more coy. "Lovers?"

Hardy really wanted to deck this guy, but Lucian was still holding his hand. "What of it?" The lycan asked in warning.

"A vampire and a were- sorry, lycan, what an interesting combination." The vampire still looked too pleased.

"What business is it to you? Who even are you?" Hardy asked.

"Ah, yes, where are my manners!" The vampire bowed. "Aro of the clan Volturi."

Hardy felt Lucian tense up next to him, pulling the young vampire close to him. "Alec, we need to leave." He whispered. "He's the leader of the clan, he's the biggest threat of them all."

"Now, that's not nice to say of someone you don't know." Aro said with just a little pout to his lips. "I am sure that you yourself have a reputation that you don't want me to speak of, yes, young wolf?"

Lucian looked surprised. "How do you-?"

"Vampire business, any vampire business, does not escape me." Aro smiled and it was dark and Hardy felt the urge to escape, to fly away.

"Now," Aro continued, "what are you two doing in my city?"

#the vardy au #lucian x alec hardy #john's drabbles #good omens extended universe

[survey--s]

631.

What was the name of the main character in the last book you read? "Boy" and Lettie Hempstock.

Do you own a pair of Disney pajamas? No, not anymore.

What are three of your favorite toppings for salads? The only salad I eat is Caprese - I can't stand lettuce or anything leafy like that - it makes me gag lol.

What was the last place you went out to eat? It was the local pub with my mum.

Do you have a lot of clutter in your home? I don't, but Michael has tons of clutter everywhere and it drives me insane. I honestly don't know how he copes.

What was the last pill you took? 💊 Ibuprofen, I think.

Are you happy with your current doctor? 👩‍⚕️ I don’t have a regular doctor.

Is there a bottle of Benadryl in your medicine cabinet? Nope. Do you take vitamins? When I remember.

Does your hair need to be washed right now? No, I had a bath a couple of hours ago.

What was the last thing you ate? I had a pizza and a cornetto last night. I haven't had anything to eat today.

Do you prefer pizza or hot dogs? 🌭 🍕 Pizza.

What is your favorite pizza topping? 🍕 Either a classic margerita with proper mozzarella, or a BBQ meat feast style pizza (as long as it's not spicy).

Is your dad a jerk? No, but he can be very blunt and straightforward which means he can be difficult to get along with. He's autistic like me and I think that means we clash sometimes as we're both very stubborn and neither of us like to admit when we're wrong.

What color are your fingernails painted? They’re not.

Is anyone in your family currently in the military? No.

What was the last thing you bought at the dollar store? I have no idea, I haven't been to one for about two years. Are prices of things going up where you live? Yeah, most definitely, especially food and utilities. Luckily we can afford things okay but we are having to cut back on stuff like meals out and takeaways as the prices are just ridiculous.

What color was the last carpet you sat on? Grey.

What is your favorite dog breed? Beagles, cocker spaniels.

When was the last time you wore make-up? 💄 Right now, but only a little bit.

What was the last thing you ordered at the last restaurant you went to? Fish and chips.

What was the last thing you wore that was pink? I'm currently wearing a pink t-shirt.

Name three people you know, if any, that currently live in another country. Brandi, Sarah, Hannah.

Name three people you know who are from another country (and what countries?) My parents are from Australia and the Seychelles and I'm currently cat-sitting for a couple who are from Kansas in the US.

What are your grandmas’ names? I'm not putting that on here.

If applicable, who lives across the hall from you? ...

Have you ever heard of “fairy hair”? (It’s tinsel in the hair that gets put in permanently…it’s like tinsel highlights.) No.

Have you found any gray hairs on your head? No. Neither of my parents went grey until their forties - in fact, my dad is nearly seventy and still has mostly black hair.

If applicable, how old were you when you found your first gray hair? ...

Do you think you will dye your hair when it’s gone gray? I don't know, my opinion on this changes every week lol.

Do you have a sister-in-law? Yeah, four of them.

Do you have a brother-in-law? Yeah, two of those.

When was the last time you went swimming? 👙 ☀️ About five years ago.

Do you own a bikini? No.

What color is your bike, if you own one? Pink and white, but I haven't ridden it for years and I'm actually planning to sell it sometime soon.

If you were a rockstar, what color guitar would you have? 🎸 Purple glitter.

What are three places you’ve been on vacation that you’ve enjoyed? Lake Louise in Canada, Sardinia in Italy and Zermatt in Switzerland.

Does your home have carpeted floors? Yeah, it's carpeted everywhere except the kitchen and bathroom.

What color was the last scarf you wore? I don’t wear scarves.

What was the last spicy thing you ate? I don't eat spicy food either.

Do you like sushi? 🍣 Meh, it's okay. I'll eat it but it's not my favourite.

When was the last time you had sushi? 🍱 Several years ago.

Can you see a box from where you are sitting right now? Yeah, there's a kitten sat in it lol.

Would you rather sing or dance? 🎤 💃 Sing, even though I'm not very good at either.

What color was the last sports bra you wore, if applicable? Black.

What is your nicest neighbor’s name? Tina, Chris or Dot. They're all nice enough, though.

Would you rather have a personal chef or personal house cleaner? Chef, for sure.

Do you have any zits on your face right now? Yeah, on my right jaw. I'm due my period so I guess that explains it but it bloody hurts.

Do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses.

How many Britney Spears albums have you owned? Zero. I preferred Christina.

What was the first concert you went to? Spice Girls.

Do you like cheese? 🧀 I love cheese, haha.

What are three of your favorite things to sprinkle cheese on top of? Pizza, spaghetti and couscous.

What are three of your favorite bakery items? Croissants, doughnuts, chocolate chip cookies.

When was the last time you went to a bakery? 🧁 Thursday.

Do you prefer coffee or chai? ☕️ Coffee.

Do you know what “chai” means? Yeah.

What are three other names you like that start with the same letter as your name? Natalie, Naomi, Nicole.

What are three creative hobbies you enjoy? I'm really not a very creative person.

Is there a bag or basket of yarn somewhere in your home? 🧶 No. Do you ever wear skirts? No. I've always found them really uncomfortable - I prefer dresses. Do you ever find it hard to live in a world where nobody cares? No, generally I find it easier, to be honest. Would you rather have a tattoo of a skull or a flower? Flower. Have you ever had to take steroids? 💊 No. I've had to give them to the dog though.

What are three of the worst withdrawal effects or side effects you have experienced from a medication? 💊 Nausea, vomiting and dizziness.

What are three things you like about church? Nothing.

What are three things you dislike about church? Everything, really. Does your town have a horse and carriage company? Hahah no.

Who are three of the biggest jerks you know? Yeah, I don't really keep notes of things like that.

Have you ever met a Jason that you didn’t like? Yeah.

Have you ever had a friend named Sarah? Yes.

Did you go to school with a Suzy? No, but I know two of them now.

What was the name of the person who bullied you the most in high school Laura. Do you know someone named Matthew? No.

…Mark? Yes.

….Luke? No.

….John? No.

Have you ever been friends with an Ashley? Yes. A male Ashley, though. ….an Emily? Yeah - there were about five girls called Emily in my year at school.

….a Jessica? Yeah, in primary school.

….a David? Yeah, my ex was a David.

Have you ever dated a Matthew? No.

Who was the last person you remember hanging up on you? My mum, but not like, in a bad way.

How’s your heart? Are you wounded? 💔 She’s doing fantastic.

What was the last type of pie you ate? Banoffee.

Are you happy today? Sure, I'm happy enough. I'm tired/cold though.

What time did you wake up this morning? Just before 8am as I had cats to go and feed.

And last but not least, did you enjoy this survey? Sure!

#survey #surveys

[livefuntravelposts]

Foodie Delights: A Culinary Journey Through America's Gastronomic Hotspots

Though we have traveled to many places, we probably have more food photos than anything else.  Kati loves to take a photo of each and every breakfast, lunch and dinner while we are traveling. Embarking on a culinary journey is one of the most delicious and exciting ways to explore a country's culture and diversity. In the United States, there is an abundance of gastronomic hotspots waiting to be discovered. From vibrant food markets to Michelin-starred restaurants, America offers a wide range of culinary delights that will tantalize your taste buds and leave you craving for more. In this blog post, we will take you on a culinary journey through some of America's most renowned foodie destinations, uncovering the unique flavors, local specialties, and cultural influences that make each place a gastronomic paradise.   New Orleans, Louisiana: The Soulful Flavors of the Big Easy  New Orleans is a melting pot of cultures, and its cuisine reflects the city's rich history and influences from French, African, and Caribbean traditions. Indulge in iconic dishes like gumbo, jambalaya, and beignets, and savor the vibrant flavors of Creole and Cajun cuisine. Explore the bustling French Market and dine at legendary restaurants to experience the soulful delights that make New Orleans a must-visit destination for food lovers. My first time to New Orleans I had to go to K-Paul's Louisiana Kitchen which was amazing and closed down in 2002 after 40 years in business and Brennans for breakfast.   San Francisco, California: A Food Lover's Paradise by the Bay San Francisco is renowned for its thriving food scene, influenced by its diverse population and proximity to fresh, local ingredients. Discover the delights of Chinatown, where you can savour authentic dim sum and hand-pulled noodles. Indulge in fresh seafood at Fisherman's Wharf and sample the city's famous sourdough bread. Don't miss the chance to explore the Ferry Building Marketplace, where you can find a wide array of artisanal products, from local cheeses to gourmet chocolates. San Francisco is amazing and we always love to visit and eat some amazing food.   New York City, New York: A Culinary Melting Pot As one of the world's culinary capitals, New York City offers a gastronomic experience like no other. From hot dog stands and pizza joints to Michelin-starred restaurants, the city caters to every palate. Explore the diverse neighbourhoods, such as Chinatown, Little Italy, and Harlem, to discover a world of flavours. Indulge in classic New York dishes like bagels with lox, pastrami sandwiches, and cheesecake. Treat yourself to fine dining experiences and sample innovative fusion cuisine created by renowned chefs from around the globe. Honestly, since visiting New York since I was 16 years old, the street food for me along with the pizza is still where I eat.   Charleston, South Carolina: Southern Charm and Lowcountry Cuisine Charleston is a charming city known for its Southern hospitality and rich culinary heritage. Dive into the world of Lowcountry cuisine, featuring dishes like shrimp and grits, she-crab soup, and hearty seafood boils. Explore the vibrant farmers' markets and sample farm-to-table creations that celebrate the region's bountiful produce. Don't forget to indulge in sweet treats like pecan pralines and Benne wafers.   Portland, Oregon: A Haven for Foodies and Artisanal Delights Portland is a foodie's paradise, renowned for its thriving food cart scene, craft breweries, and farm-to-table restaurants. Explore the city's eclectic neighbourhoods and taste a wide variety of cuisines, from Thai street food to gourmet vegan fare. Indulge in artisanal coffee, local craft beer, and delectable pastries. Don't miss the chance to visit the Portland Farmers Market and sample the region's fresh produce, cheeses, and handmade chocolates.   New Mexico: The Flavors of the Southwest New Mexico's cuisine is a fusion of Native American, Mexican, and Spanish influences, resulting in a unique and vibrant culinary tapestry. Discover the bold flavours of green and red chile peppers, indulge in traditional dishes like enchiladas and tamales, and savour the warm hospitality of the region. Explore the bustling markets, where you can find traditional spices, handmade tortillas, and local crafts.   Austin, Texas: The Capital of BBQ and Tex-Mex Austin is a vibrant city that has gained a reputation as a food lover's paradise, particularly when it comes to BBQ and Tex-Mex cuisine. Indulge in tender, smoky brisket, ribs, and sausages at renowned BBQ joints where pitmasters work their magic for hours. Experience the unique flavours of Tex-Mex, a fusion of Mexican and Texan influences, with dishes like breakfast tacos, enchiladas, and queso dip. Explore the city's food truck scene, where you can find various culinary creations, from gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches to Thai-inspired tacos.   Chicago, Illinois: Deep-Dish Pizza and Culinary Diversity Chicago is famous for its deep-dish pizza, characterized by its thick, buttery crust and layers of cheese and toppings. Indulge in this iconic dish and experience the unique way Chicagoans enjoy their pizza. But Chicago's culinary scene extends beyond pizza. The city is known for its diverse food options, from classic Italian beef sandwiches to vibrant Asian neighbourhoods with authentic cuisine from various countries. Don't miss the chance to try Chicago-style hot dogs, loaded with toppings like pickles, onions, and neon green relish, or sample the city's renowned steakhouses for a mouthwatering steak dinner.   New England: Seafood Delights and Clam Chowder New England, encompassing states such as Maine, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island, is a seafood lover's paradise. Feast on fresh lobster rolls, succulent oysters, and creamy clam chowder along the picturesque coastal towns. Enjoy a traditional clambake on the beach or indulge in a seafood feast at a quaint waterfront restaurant. The flavours of New England are deeply rooted in its maritime history, and the region's seafood delicacies are a must-try for any food enthusiast.   Napa Valley, California: Wine and Culinary Excellence Napa Valley is renowned for its world-class wines, but it also offers a culinary experience that perfectly complements the vineyards. Explore the region's farm-to-table restaurants, where chefs showcase the finest local produce in their creations. Indulge in wine tastings and food pairings that highlight the region's exceptional vintages. From Michelin-starred establishments to charming bistros, Napa Valley's culinary scene will delight food and wine enthusiasts alike.   Our Final Word America's gastronomic hotspots offer a cornucopia of flavors, traditions, and culinary experiences that satisfy even the most discerning foodie. From the soulful delights of New Orleans to the vibrant food scenes of San Francisco, New York City, Charleston, Portland, and New Mexico, each destination invites you to embark on a mouthwatering journey. Whether you're savoring regional specialties, exploring bustling food markets, or indulging in fusion cuisine, the diverse and delicious flavors of America's culinary landscape will leave you with unforgettable memories. So pack your bags, prepare your taste buds, and set out on a culinary adventure to discover the remarkable gastronomic hotspots that await you. Let the flavors guide you as you explore the cultural richness and diversity of American cuisine.

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#bestfoodiecities #culinary #FoodTravel

[mean-hare]

diary 12-13 (april-may)

will not edit and erase mistakes bc fuck it, nobody will read dis shit anyways

april, 1 i was visiting a zoo with my parents for a few hours. i walked there by myself staring at all the creatures. this is a good zoo, animals were curious and active. some animals slept in their warm dens. this spring is pretty cold. there were many cats: caracal, black and plain leopards, white and common tigers, lynxes, servals, pumas, lions, wildcats, fishercats. there were white and red wolves. red ones stared at me as well. i gave carrots for llamas and goats. i sometimes i can gaze a lot. my parents were waiting for the end of my gazing in nearby cafe. i can guess that there was tasty food but way too much loud human children. i had an only meal at evening after wenting to a local shop for another pack of milk and stuff. things. items. sounds suspiciously. i just cant remember what i ve got and ate after all.

april, 2 i had to walk with my dog. the evening was cold, lonely. orange dots of flaming cigarets glowed into the dark in the hands of rare strangers. my clothes were too cold. i craved tea. i also craved lying on an asphalt but my mother recently washed my coat and i didnt want to waste her work. my dog didnt want to walk more than 30 munutes. he was recently trimmed and felt cold i think. or just didnt like this weather. everybody thought that spring will be warmer. i like it cold.

april, 3 ive got a new clipper, its cheap, blue and absolutely cursed. i mean. when i click it in 9 of 10 clicks it doesnt work but starts to smell like a benzene or kerosene or wtf is that. but when works it throws 10 cm high flame. sometimes not from the main hole but from some hidden crack on a side. and when it doesnt throw flame it squirts with dewdrops of a kerosene or benzene or whatever is this on my fingers with every click. fuckin hell, its weird and funny and increase risk of accidental arson. a posessed item.

april, 4 note on some piece of paper from this day:"shop: drinks, snacks" which? what? so? wery smart, the past me, i dont remember.

april, 5 18:30. family bond with my dog. really noir day with some fine noir jazz. late evening, felt cold, walked that cold concrete pathes of forlornificated city part, just me and my dog patrik. it starting to snow. tiny dots of snow melted on a concrete for now but cars were covered in that thin veil of cold white dust.

april, 6 keep going thru the snow to a far market to buy specific kinds of snacks and sodas just because i have random shitty cravings sometimes. streets were like the end of the world in north city edge (its not really norht tho). ground is flooded by snow, both solid and melted. my waterproof shoes are not waterproof anymore. people are ugly as always. i feellike i will faint and fall and they will be even uglier and more hostile. so many snow. im so dizzy, nobody can understand how…

april, 7 i think about summer with anxiety. i sleep in clothes because it helps me to feel better by not seeing my body and also jeans are my comfy texture. thats even decrease my s/h. but what will i do in summer when even being naked is too hot. i cant stand even though about my bare skin, about skin rubbing skin. i dont want it!!! i dont want it!!! when will that legendary undernourished everlasting ana cold feeling will ascent to me?? please i want to be able to wear clothes in hot weather. id rather freeze than thrive in heat.

april, 8 tomorrow my aunt will come from italy. im a little concerned. like im a dirty creature with trash covered room, stained clothes and just jenerally unclean and unsanitary guy. and she have almost a mania about clean and tidy. i even dirtier than before bc my cleaning abilities are decreased, disfunction or depression made it or whatever, anyway i cant help. and also. she saw me before when i was skinny. shit. i dont want she to see me miserable and fat like this. i will cover myself in oversized clothes as always but i dont think it helps.

april, 9 it wasnt that bad (i mean my aunt, not an intake, i ate too much chocolate but that could be worse too). she doesnt come in my room, im not leaving it often either. she gave me a few cool print clothes. tshirt with flaming guitar, another one with dragon and weird crop hoodie with girl from anime i never watched and know about only from one very dumb meme (not even related to an actual anime). i guess that in this boring-plain-minimalistic-fashion era many can say that these tees are tasteless or outdated or something but for me stuck in 2008 they are great! also she bring tea with different tastes, black and green ones. it was my order. she also got so many cheese and meat, like expensive foreign ones. i think my father is exited, he loves cheese.

april, 10 i was send to 2 markets to buy butter, two kinds of bread and lemon juice. i was in 2 of them bc they dont have that kind of bread and juice everywhere and the second market was just cheaper. i didnt buy many things for me myself, just a canned tea, some chips and little choco bar. i buy much less food than before. feels like im just bored or something.

april, 11 almost every day my mom an her sister (my aunt) are going somewhere. my mom showed me her plans, its a visits to the doctors, relatives, graves of another relatives. boring stuff for elder peeple. theres nothing in the fridge but all those fuckin cheese and meat. i dont really fan of cheese but i munched one, the kind with a special moldy core. i didnt eat that core. my mom sometimes laughing at me because of it but that is. i love that special creamy taste but i hate that tasteless moldy crust.

april, 12 i was sent again to buy a butter and latvian bread again. also the milk. i spent more than hour and went to a 4 markets to find that bread and only found the last one pack in the last market. its just the kind of a gray bread with seeds, idk why it was so popular today. i dont really eat it but my parents love it. all the extra money i spent on drinks. also spicy chips, i cant help but buy that, i fuckin missed it. also ive got very cheap and small bag of turkish mint candies. they tasted like confusion and very y2k-ish i spent the night by drinking that drinks and drawing stupid things, then i somehow somewhy watched the boondocks series for 5 hours long and then went to the kitchen, realized that all people left, munch some cold palacsintas (pancakes with curd), read few articles about ukrainian gays (one article was very homophobic) and felt asleep with the noise on the background. i slept for maybe jusy a few minutes, april, 13 then i woke up, fed my dog, ate one more palacsinta, drank the last can of energy drink, started to watch cartoon about trolls and then felt asleep again, woke up by my dog, drank an energy leftovers, was still very sleepy but had to walk with a dog. he was very good boy today so i gave him dog candies. i stoped feeling sleepy but now im feeling dizzy and a little feverish. it may be because of too much caffeine. or not. im not the doctor and dont want to go to one. we die like men lol. im trying now to count calories. it cant be too much but i cant get my head into thinking.

april, 14 some days i think that my legs are thinner and knees are sharper. i always end up denying it. theres no way to prove it anyway and its dangerous to believe that i become better if actually im degrading. illusions arent ok. i most likely didnt become thinner.

april, 15 weather became awfully warm and light. nights are still cold, i lay under a thick blanket. i can not sleep wel. wake up every day at the morning after only few hours of sleep. thats disgusting, bad, i hate it.

april, 16 my aunt made 2 lasagnas. one was cheese one, just for me bc i dont eat meat. i never ate lasagnas before. so i had this dinner right after unexpected exhausting pre dinner nap (it started happening with me sometimes and i hate it). i ate only a half, maybe a little more, it was very filling. mom put leftover in fridge. she will heat it for me when i will ask. i can forget about it and so it can gone bad. and im not saying about fake 'forget" as an excuse to skip meals, i really can forget. i just recall that theres still a piece of my lavash laing in a bread basked for few weeks now. i hope its not moldy yet. i also tend to forget about yogusts so they spoil and i should throw them away. i hate wasting food…

april, 17 im watching skins seres for a few days now. they are very stupid, its fascinating. cassie is especially stupid and annoying (i dont hate her, she is just very annoying. just like affy) . and i dont know why, but the stupidest ana inspo is the most working. maybe its just some nostalgia for oldschool proana blogs that posted that stupidest quotes with that specific pics of headless skinny bodies. yeah. nostalgia is shit…

april, 18 today was the last day of my aunt presence and mom bought cake. i allowed myself a piece. my mom had sore throat. i was sleepy too early again. went to sleep at 1 am. i dont want to sleep that early! i loved the pleasure of late sleeps and wakes. i was a little dizzy. im dizzy all the time nowadays and getting angry. i argued with my last friend (on internet) because of doctors (i hate all the psychiatrists and when i think about them i become angry. ive never met a good one in whole my life) i write to danny who used to be my friend. i said that i will be thin. thinner than him, his girlfriend and everybody he knows and respects. he wrote "bruh". i said that i still dont understand the meaning of this message. he said that he doesnt understand many of my messages. i said that i always try to explain when he asks but he never ask. he doesnt care to understand. he didnt answer. maybe he didnt even read that message, as he does often. im angry at him, at his promise to always be my friend that lasted until he found his girlfriend and forget about me,im angry that he was the first guy i tried to be good and faithful friend with, i really tried, and he just broke everything in that stupid way. im angry and im sad. i think he could like me more and spend a little more time with me if i was skinny, at least because he could feel sorry for me, feel guilt, anything. anyway all the people that say that they dont care about your appearance are lying. they care. maybe i could never have his respect. anyway. im determined. i will do it. i will mess up sometimes but i will do it. "you will lose your friends because of your ed" perfect. i already have none.

april, 19 today my aunt moved away at morning. i slept at that time. i had a dream as if my neighbor burned something - there was a big burned out black pitch on the lawn and the air smelled like burning. also me and my mom searched someone in a hospital. at the end of a dream i kissed a pretty suicidal boy. it was cool. i bought many drinks and overcaf myself as always. bought a cool clipper with eagle. actually i consume more than planned but i also walked more so i hope it burned the excess. walked with my dog in evening. he is happy i guess.

april, 20 i was so active. changed many things in my room. full of work. too much green tea on my table. i can not drink all of it. so many things changed their location. room looks bigger now. my mom still ill so she asked me to buy some oranges (fuckin vitamin c) so i went to the mall. i never ever buy fruits before. i always know how to do it and always could do it, no issues with it. i just dont like to do it, like put them in a bag, weight and so on. im too lazy for it lol. i met a cassier boy i have a crush on. well i dont like the crush term. maybe beloved will sounds better? one i love? emotional evoking boy. everything sounds stupid in this stupid language. i met him at the fruit aisle. i bought some stuff and headed away with an eskimo icecream. boy ended his work at the same time. it happens that our roads crossed for a few minutes. it was uh.. i love to have a time with him in it. well we just walked the same street and there were at least 5 meters between us and all the interaction were just my stare and a few awkward smiles. he went home. i guess i know where he lives now. anyway it doesnt change anything. im capable for nothing more than gaze and smile. hes lucky. im so miserable.

april, 21 morning is for sweet cheese candies. noon is for coffee. evening is for cheese lasagna leftovers. i used so many napkins and spent a lot of time to whip off all that fat and oil out of this meal. night im watching crime series while trying not to fall asleep too soon. feeling kinda stomachachy. fvck this day.

april, 22 i recalled my memories about the times of school and psych waed. it made me sick aand destroyed my future. i wish i could just forget it all. i have another awful memory. its about when i threw away my toys when considered myself too grown up for them (13-15 y.o. i think). i never ever trully regret about anything i ever did to humans and i did many things that considered bad and mean. but i always regret painfully about that toys i betrayed. it eats me out every day. i wis i could just delete all my memories.

april, 23 i dont talk with anyone. dont chat. i can not talk with people without being irritated. i feel myself dismissed. i have too many things and thoughts that people dont like to hear and i bring these up. i cant help but being like this. my already weak contact with humans is getting weaker and i dont even care really anymore. heaven know i tried but im too different. i feel myself superior but i may be not, the only i know for sure is that im different and im irritated. fuck them all, fuck them, fuck them. i can lay in my den on clutter, pensils, clothes, towels and toys again. i can sleep like this. i can hide under that thick blanket with gay disney kittens and drift away while imagining hands and hair of guys i saw in sleep, they showed me love. one of them has long black hairand maybe asian skin. second has long brown dreadlocks and burntcaramelcoloured skin. i feel it like in somewhat disordered times of 2016. sick and dreamlike. i felt like i can start levitating soon. im away, im different, im holy and lonely and full of bright worlds. i used to play the guitar with too many flanger effect then, i guess its time to start playing again, even if i cant play and guitar is out of tune, anyway i cant do anything good anymore.

april, 24 everything is in bloom but the veather is very cold now. its like a snowless winter. plants are loosers.

april, 25 zero cola, energy can, some lowcal munch. tea with grape flavor in 8 dirty mugs. walked my dog, saw many others dogs. evening streets are good looking because of lights of modern lanterns and white neon shops lights. pets are smart asses. doggy learned how to open the doors to my rooms and often do it without my consent when i go to the market or literall at any time he wants to come and lay on my matress and cover my jeans with drools. and cat runs to my room and a)just walks b)doing some annoying shit. i have to admit: he is very annoying for me. i dont hate or hurt him but i dont really like him in my room. he is tiring like an active child. i know it well, im my own child.

april, 26 refilled myself with spice and drinks. walked my dog. walk was ok i guess.

april, 27 i started to drink because i woke up, my sleep was rudely interrupted, and didnt want to feel dizzy (spoiler: it didnt help). i made a cup of cofe and few of tea. then i started to feel symptoms of the overcaff dizziness. i went to a market to buy something tasty and waking bc i became suddenly sleepy. i got it and walked away with coffee cola in my hand. also i decided that i shouldnt tke energy drinks on an empty stomach so i ate some chips. then i finished cola, drank old energy drink with new taste. i wasdrinking e drink with cannabis (not drugs) when my laptop failed with connection again. i put some music. curled under the blanket, i feel dizzy and cold.

april, 28 a mess.

april, 29 whats up? few tv series? some tea and random snacks? nothing interesting? waste of time. dry and dull anger out of desperation and sadness.

april, 30 doing boring stuff in my room

.

may, 1 i decided to spend my money on zero soda and new tastes of icecream (icecream is my safe food)

may, 2 i walked a dog. i think we have a good connection. he shows me directions he wants to go and i decide if we go, he behaves very well, he understands my gestures, it seems like he just minds his own business andi mind mine but he looks for me and knows that i will lead and hepl him if it needed

may, 3 my dad came for a few hours and leaved again (because of work, as always). i drank milk leftouts and walk a dog. i always walk him at evening when dads not home.

may, 4 i woke up at 18. i was in the market, saw a boy i have a crush on, my hed spinned and i almost blacked out. but nobody notised it (at least i think so) dad returned, walked a dog, i ate few cheap candies, drank a new monster and joined another discord server.

may, 5 i found out another my bad habit. i bite my lip piercing metal all the time. its ugly and diy and by biting i make it even uglier, i chew out its black dye. my teeth are swelling a little, and piercing places are too. idk how i still do it without any problems or infections. this habit is annoyng as hell even for myself. i cant stop.

may, 6 so, suslique, i thought looking at my cat ron ("suslique" ad i call every cat) munching a stealed dog fodder and purring out loud, i like you more than i hate you, ur teencat shitto, funny as a fuck"

may, 7 i was so ugly today when i went out for cheap milk and cheap chips and expensive clippetr again. i chilled at the rusty stairs of an abandoned building when saw the old man below who put his big bag on the grass, said "hop!" and released his pug from it. pug was very old and a little crippled. that grandpa bring him there to walk on the grass. people on crowded streets stared on me. i didnt feel goodlooking, i think i was especially unatracteive. i have bnged at night. i hate myself and i have reasons for it.

may, 8 i woke up at 18 and then went away bc of neighbors catasthrophic drills. i still overcome my intake limits somehow

may, 9 all the fuckin mornin i couldnt sleep. then i slept maybe 2 hours till 16, laid for a hour interrupted by my dog who asked to in and out of my rooom for too many times and then again the drills, im on a street and i hate it.

may, 10 i bonged on my moms failed cookies lol.actually theyre not that bad but theres too much flavour in them, it feels weird and hurts my stomach a littl but idc. i usually dont care about my stomach.

may, 11 made a blog for selfies. time to be a king of shame. actually i often take selfies but then delete. sometimes i regret. i have a few pics from 2016, its so weird to see my skin without all these marks, scars and scabs.

may, 12 its so hard to remind myself again that i dont need to buy food all the time, that my fav food will always be and i dont need to buy it all the time i go i that shop because in fact its not always there. its fuckin ukraine with fuckin problems andi will be the last asshole for everyone bc " theres people suffering and dying in other regions and here you are in a safe warm house whinning about lack of marsmallows or anything" but this is my diary that nobody reads anyway so i can say what i want. i dont feel anything about people. i have nothing to say more for now.

may, 13 i was just chillin, indin my bznez and then my mom came and said "do you wanna see the australias song on a eurovision? i think you ll like it". i did. oh shit how i liked it! i loved. mom watched online translation and i saw cuts of all ev2023 songs. most of them was shit exept for maybe 5 of them. my mom sms-voted for poland but polish show and song was shit, i felt offended by it and well…it was the first time i woted in eurovision. for australia of course. those cool longhaired dudes in shiny jackets deserve everything. as a ukraine living guy i feel sad for ukrainian band, it was boring and shitty. and as a hungarian im very sad about hungarian homophobic politics because of which hungary didnt play in a contest.

may, 14 i found out results of contest and was offended by them for maybe a hour, bragged a little, liked few posts about stupid judges and then i found that it all doesnt matter, australia still ma winner, few other cool guys alo rule. i listened a voyager songs and couldnt fall asleep, i guess i was very stimulated by all of it and by too much sugar and caffeine intake, again, holy shit!

may, 15 another day of bread with cheese an teen series.

may, 16 and then another day when i must walk away because of drills. with money in my emo bagpack. endless shops saving me from awful heat and blinding sun but destroying my weight and consuming my cash.

may, 17 hungry rotting feeling. trying to kill it with tea but tea will only make it worse.cold tea of yesterday. sick feeling inside.

may, 18 i understood why i didnt harmed myself so long. i walk and sleep in jeans and take them of only in toilet or whet taking a bath. so legs covered and left untouched most of the time.i can hurt hands of course but it much more visible and suspicious. i dont need my parents to see.

may, 19 i walking my dog patrik a little earlier than always. hes 9 y old,still funny and lively but age is showing. he cant hold himself for long. i think he will need 3 walks per day instead of long 2. when he looks into my eyes with his beautiful big brown melancholick eyes i can see a gray and white hairs around his eyes. his muzzle was always gray but these hairs are definiteky signs of old. i am afraid of future, for real. im afraid about my dog. i have nobody else, i love nobody but him. he can be really selfish and annoying but i cand imagine how to be without him.

may, 20 it was awful bc i slept for only 3 or four hours and i could sleep more but fuckin neighbors with their drills didnt allowed it so i was on the street vlinded by the sun where shitheaded old fuckers chase away old homeless doggiesaway from the places near playgrounds and i cant protect dogs from them bc i am mute. i was upset and flush away feelings with a cola which made me bad. i strayed a little, didnt move too much. i sat on the weird place near the playground but protected from others by piece of wall of 70cm heigh. nobody interested in that place anymore. and it looks like asmall abandoned stage made of bricks and concrete. there was a bench by the wall but it was covered in trash so i sat directly onthe concrete stage. i drank an energy drink with juice, watched the red stray tomcat. i also founda little plush horse, took it with me and wash with a shampoo. its drying now in my room. i drank coffee all the day and at the end looked and felt like 7 weeks old zombie. when i walked with a dog some kids laughed at me, sweared. i really dont understand why. i looked at myself in the mirror and couldnt understand whats so funny, whats wrong with me, what makes me hilarious.i couldnt find. im wasnt really outstandish, nothing to stare to laught. and yet people stare and laugh, every single day. tonight i binged because of nerves

may, 21 i just sat in my room, watched american old wideos, ate few pieces of plain bread, drank teas and lemon water.

may, 22 tried less fat oven baked chips, theyre surprisingly very tasty. new low cal juice icecream named volcano was also tasty but made my hands icky. i was taking very hot bath and almost blacked out. its a bad habit. bathroom was all foggy and soggy, i listened to lifelover dramatically. just when i finished taking my clothes on all the light in house went off. mom said sometimes it will be like this in summer bc they should repair the wires and everything like that which was damaged bu russian weapons.

may, 23 thats so bad and painful when you cant wear your only good jeans and have to walk around in some beige shorts or godforbidden sport pants. i trully hate all the trousers fabrics that are not denim.

may, 24 i know that i could been writing much more interesting diary and even make a book just out of it if just i have an interesting life with people and actions in it. or if i could lie realistically. but i cant so i dont. anyway i often think that one who will read this wouldnt trust me. somehow i have some kins of fear of untrust almost all my life.

may, 25 i cant cope with my life. i never could.

may, 26 today was good honestrly. i had to roam again. but today was bday of my plush dog sasha. i took him with me in my bagpack. it starts raining, normally id didnt mind but i dint know how kong i will stray and it would be very uncomfy with wet clothes on so i stood under the arc for some time, then i came to the clothest market, got icecream and cola, sat in little playhouse on the nearest playground and read kurt vonnegut book from library. playhouse was cool, it had stars painted on its roof.im sure i looked weird in that place for people passing by but i didnt care too much. when rain ends i walked to the mall. theres many clothes shops but i came to watch the landscape only, theres 4 or 5 floors and i watched on this shitty city thru the big window on each floor. city looked not that bad. then i walked into another store and bought pepsi mango. i dont remenber what happened after that but it wasnt good probably.

may, 27 junkfood, blackcola & darkjazZ ' may, 28 me, dog and my parents was at the countryside. it was desolate because nobody lives there after grandpas death, only chikens, bees and skinny cat. im sorry for the cat. sometimes grandpas children come there. my dad did something in garage, my mom cleaned the fridge because there was rotten food. patrik walked around. everybody waited for some old man who will take beehives. what i did: found 5 meters of chain, big scissors, club of wires, scissors and bottle of carbonatedwater and decide to take it all with me walked on the pasture until it was too hot hugged with a horse. it was lightbrown or maybe red breedless mare, country working horse. she was so cuddly. petted that skinny cat until patrik chase her away drank green tea and another bottle of carbonated water read books of ukrainian folk tales with pictures of beautiful longhaired boys layed on the sofa listening to mamaleek and making stupid selfies took pictures of toys i bring with me (toy horses, toy dogs, toy cars, enchantimals girl from kinder surprise? bunny arsonist) dancing and running to techno or whatever rhytmic music in that big room with sofa. walked with mom to the nearest shop for ice cream observed mare and cute foal who wanted to play with my dog but his mom scared him away. finally the foal came to me and touched my hand by his muzzle. draw my dog with halk organized buttons from box by colour (i loved this "game"in my childhood so much) watered plants in pots nobody planted for maybe months (sadly the big palm tree was dead) tumbled/somersaulted in same big sofa room (such a big space, i thought i shoud use it)

may, 29 went onto the field behind the city with my dog. walked there fast so insects couldnt bite us. sunset, moonrise. i even felt like a horse and runned there a little. pathway in high untouched wild grass. good time.

may, 30 i hate children and teens, because they laughing at me, even those goodlooking one are laughing at me, fuck off little pieces of shit, whats so hilarious you find in me to mock?!

may, 31 the reclusive road by consciousness removal project this is the song i listen slowed and reverbed way too much in especially sad and lonely night..

#ed bllog #disorder #mhwnbcb

[kelleah-meah]

My NYC Bucket List

OK. So this August will be my 8th anniversary living on the East Coast in the U.S. During that time, a lot has happened (to say the least). But it occurred to me that despite all the life changes, growing pains, and never-saw-coming absurdities that is my existence, I've managed to do some pretty cool things since I've moved to the tri-state area.

So with that revelation, a part of me felt the need to write down all the things I've done that might fall in the "tourist-y" category over the past 7.5 years. Which then led to me thinking about all of the tourist-y things I've yet to do.

And here we are.

Below is a list of 80 (so far) things I've either done or hope to do while living on the East Coast of the U.S. You'll notice that I don't have some popular things on the list like "visit the Top of the Rock" or "visit the top of the Empire State Building." That's because I don't care for heights that much, so that's not something I would ever want to do. With that said, if my NYC Bucket List inspires you and you want to add more vertical activities to your own list, I say go for it!

Before we dive in, please keep in mind that I'm an arts & culture geek and lifelong literature & history nerd. So if most of this seems boring to you, well ... I guess I'm just a really boring person.

Now without further ado ...

Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge ✅

Visit Chinatown and the Lower East Side ✅

Watch the NYC Pride parade during Pride weekend ✅

Eat at Sylvia's in Harlem

Drive across the George Washington Bridge ✅

Enjoy a show at Lincoln Center

Walk around Central Park ✅

Visit the Flatiron Building (outside or inside) ✅

Eat a slice at a pizzeria ✅

See a play during Shakespeare in the Park

Go on a walking tour of Greenwich Village ✅

Visit the Coney Island boardwalk ✅

Enjoy a stand-up show at a comedy club

Eat at a hot dog cart ✅

Hike in the woods at the New York Botanical Garden

Do a walking tour of Harlem ✅

See a movie at the Alamo Drafthouse ✅

Try an egg cream ✅

Enjoy a drag performance ✅

Visit that famous site-seeing spot in Dumbo near the Manhattan Bridge ✅

Take a tour of Grand Central Station

Enjoy a Broadway play ✅

Go to a NBA Knicks or Nets game

Eat at Sardi's

Drive across the Verrazano Bridge ✅

See an improv show at UCB (currently closed, but it's under new management so it may reopen soon) ✅

Visit the Statue of Liberty

Walk along 5th Avenue at Christmas time to see the department store windows ✅

Eat and people watch at Caffe Reggio ✅

Attend an art gallery opening ✅

See a show at Radio City Music Hall

Take the Staten Island Ferry

Be a part of a studio audience (ex: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, The Daily Show, Late Night with Seth Meyers, etc.)

Go thrift shopping or vinyl records shopping in the East Village ✅

Eat at Carnegie Deli or Katz's Deli (the former is now closed though) ✅ Carnegie only

Visit the Guggenheim, the Met, the Whitney or the MoCA ✅ Guggenheim only

Attend a performance of the New York City Ballet, the American Ballet Theater, the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater and/or the Dance Theatre of Harlem

Grab a drink at the Blue Bar at the Algonquin Hotel ✅

Visit the Bronx Zoo

Eat a black and white cookie ✅

Enjoy an Off-Broadway play ✅

Read a book in Bryant Park in the summer

Take a dance class at Steps on Broadway ✅

Watch the ice skaters at Rockefeller Center or Wollman Rink in Central Park (and go ice skating if you can) ✅ Watching only

Visit Little Italy in the Bronx

Go to a NHL Rangers or Islanders game

See a show at the Beacon Theatre ✅

Visit Tiffany's (and buy something small if you can afford it)

Enjoy High Tea at the Plaza

Attend the AfroPunk music festival ✅

Buy a book or two at the Strand ✅

Take a tour of the Apollo Theater

Ride in a NYC yellow taxi ✅

See a concert or show at Madison Square Garden ✅

Eat at Junior's after a Broadway show ✅

Attend a lecture or talk at the 92nd Street Y ✅

Visit the Nuyorican Poets Cafe

Read or write in the Rose Reading Room at the New York Public Library's main branch ✅

See a movie at the Roxy Cinema ✅

Enjoy a drink at the bar in the Hotel Chelsea

Get a playbill signed at the stage door after a play ✅

Go to a late night jazz concert at the Blue Note

Visit Washington Square Park ✅

Attend an event on the Columbia University or NYU campus ✅ Both Columbia and NYU

Grab a sweet at Magnolia Bakery

Buy a book or two at Greenlight Bookstore in Brooklyn ✅

See a concert or show at Carnegie Hall

Go to a MLB Mets or Yankees game

Have a drink at the historic Stonewall Inn ✅

Visit Prospect Park

Attend a film screening at the Tribeca Film Festival ✅

Buy a book or two at the McNally Jackson flagship store in Soho ✅

Dine at the Algonquin Hotel ✅

Go to a late night jazz concert or show at Birdland

See a play at the historic Cherry Lane Theatre

Enjoy a fancy milkshake at Black Tap

Visit the main branch of the Brooklyn Library ✅

Grab a bite or a drink at the White Horse Tavern ✅

See a burlesque show at the House of Yes

Visit the Albertine Bookstore on the Upper East Side

Take the ferry from New Jersey (Hoboken) to NYC

Believe it or not, I was hoping to come up with 100 items for the list, but I've run out of things to add. If anyone has any other ideas they'd like to suggest to help me get closer to 100, I'm all ears.

You'll probably notice that I have very little on the list for the outer boroughs, so I'd be especially interested in suggestions for Queens, Staten Island, BK or BX.

Oh, and I should also mention that I'm not really interested in visiting the High Line or anything happening at the Piers. They're just not my thing.

Of course, this list is for inspiration and gratitude purposes only. It's not meant to make me or anyone feel less than. I'm simply capturing what I've done so I can look at it when I'm feeling sorry for myself in the future about how poor I am.

But it's also a lovely reminder of what else I have left to check out when money and time are on my side. ☺️

#nyc #to do list #bucket list #tri-state area #new york #new york city #tourist #travel and tourism #this is me #black bohemians #bohemian lifestyle #boho lifestyle #boho culture #downtown girl

[thethirdbear]

#chef whites #and apple crate cokes #the festivity of light and stream #paul belgium #hot dog stand in little italy #new york #1963

[retropopcult]

Hot Dog Stand in Little Italy, New York. Photographed 1963 by Evelyn Hofer.

#vintage #1960s #NYC #Pepsi #hot dogs #street vendor #New York City

[unsubconscious]

Hot Dog Stand, Little Italy, NYC, 1963. Photo by Evelyn Hofer. 

[warmau]

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au ten another late birthday au (again) but hey ten time :3 find others here: johnny | haechan | taeil | taeyong | mark | jaemin | yangyang | yuta | sicheng | chenle | kun | yukhei | doyoung | jaehyun | jungwoo

not knowing what to say isn't a foreign feeling to you, yet when you come face to face with ten outside his apartment on this summer morning, you are almost too petrified to even string a sentence together

he's really just........leaving

ten shines a big smile and from the open door you hear kun's exasperated voice asking why in the world ten is packing up his entire existence for a program that's going to last two months

"you look nervous"

ten jokes first, running a hand through his dark hair which he's spent the colder months growing out

"im the one going to a different country and yet you look like you might turn green"

his laughter tickles you and you force yourself out of the weird, frozen feeling, for his sake

"im not nervous - it's just this is our first summer apart since what, highschool?"

ten leans against the frame of his door and lets kun scuttle past him with a scowl

yangyang and hendery bounce after him with ten's insane amount of luggage

"yeah but it's two months, not two decades. plus....you know how much ive always wanted to do this."

right. and here you are being selfish.

"of course, i mean it's literally the birthplace of ballet."

"technically that's italy, but france is a close second."

"i hate you"

ten pulls you into his arms before you register that this is your goodbye hug

"i'll miss you too."

kun drives everyone to the airport, he complains and cries the most.

sicheng gives you a knowing look when ten takes your wrist in his hand and tucks your arm between his.

you ignore the look, and focus on ten. on him. and then - when the switchboard pops up his flight info - he gives a bubbly and excited

"ive gotta go!"

and then summer starts, just as he's gone

"so when are you going to tell him you're in love with him."

sicheng brings the big gulp he stole from hendery up to his lips and you keep your eyes closed behind your sunglasses

"sorry, yukhei's not my type."

"you know im not talking about yukhei."

you dig your fingers into the sand beside your towel, the beach is already so noisy so you pretend you don't hear sicheng, but you still feel him looking.

you guess a part of it is true, you love ten. who doesn't?

is that the core of the issue then, that ten is so available and loveable and charming, that it makes him also unattainable?

or at least, unattainable to you.

you hear your phone buzz inside your bag and sicheng is being dragged into the water by the rowdy rest of your friend group

it could be a text from ten?

your mind excites, but you put out that fire

it's probably just spam.

ten does text and even video call the first two or so weeks while he's away

you get blurry photos of food at cafes and the eiffel tower, random fancy looking dogs being walked on the small, cramped streets

ten's connection is kind of bad - but he still gleams through the fuzzy facetime camera as he shows you around the room the dance academy has provided

pangs of his happiness and excitement seep into you

and then there's the first sign of worry comes knocking and twirling through his door

a group of other dancers, all beautiful and strong, asking ten - from the limited amount of french you catch - if he's done, they're waiting for him to go to a show with them

ten gives you a scattered, quick goodbye. he says he'll video call again.

all you get is an update text almost five days later that has no pictures attached just a;

im ok - by the way i totally miss eating hot chips with you at midnight. ive had like a banana smoothie and that's it.

sicheng and kun are the first to pick up on the shift, you are quietly withdrawing to yourself

nothing makes you laugh

ten doesn't reply to your question about what the paris metro looks like, actually he doesn't even read it

kun nearly tugs hendery's ear red when he shares a snap story of ten pressed cheek to cheek with his new dancer friends in front of the louvre when you're in the same room

the thing is you are not jealous of any of them.

you don't go around trying to find their facebooks, clicking on their instagram profiles, comparing you and them.

you are just sad to your bones that they will understand ten in such a way that no matter how long you two have been friends

you will never, truly know

"you're his best friend"

sicheng reasons on the phone as you stare up at the wall above your desk, littered in old pictures and clippings and your gaze catches on the ticket stub from ten's first-ever solo dance performance

it had been a talent show in highschool.

it had been the first time you saw ten perform outside the corner of his cramped bedroom or the glimpse you caught meeting up with him outside the dance academy

he's in paris, he's with people who love it so much more than i do - they love dancing like he loves dancing.

i cannot understand that.

"i think you were right sicheng."

"im always right."

i do love him. when am i going to tell him?

you hang up after sicheng has his i told you so moment and stare at your screen

a notification flashes across the screen and it's a text from ten

the trains here are blue. i miss you.

you want to reply right away, so you open the message and start typing

i miss you too. actually, i think i finally understand why people who are in love are so hurt when they're suddenly left without their other half and ten you are my o-

you delete the sentence and make a face

nice. i miss you too.

you don't send it - or at least you forget to because your fingers are shaking and you exit out of the messaging app before checking

abandoning your phone, you turn on your side and stretch your hand out to reach the edge of the bed

there's enough space between you and it for someone to fit, so you remember the countless times ten has laid there

smiling and laughing and tickling your face with his sleeping breath

you can't even recall a conversation because there have been hundreds

suddenly you feel a warmth creep up your skin

hundreds of opportunities to tell him - and each time i chose to be a coward.

"you should write him a letter."

"this isn't a movie, what - you think im going to write a letter and he'll jump on the first plane from france to come to my side?"

sicheng cocks an eyebrow as if to say it is a possibility

"no. im not writing a letter. i'll suck it up and confess when he comes back."

you somehow end up writing a letter.

maybe because you really do want to just send a long text spilling your mushy, soft, pink feelings

but you know that's just not what ten deserves

he deserves (and you do too, but you won't admit this) a face to face confession

so you start retelling the moments that flutter up in your heart whenever you think about him

how he makes the room brighter when he's in it, how he dances with every bone, joint, muscle in his body - how he approaches it with no inhibition and true devotion that paints its way across his face when he practices, how he fits perfectly into the hole that grows more massive every day you don't see him

standing there across the hall - coffee in hand, gym bag with his scuffed dance shoes

by the time you're finished - the letter is longer than you imagine. there are parts crossed and scribbled out, repetitive thoughts, and stupid little comments and metaphors that compare ten to flowers or clouds or anything else pretty in nature

you cringe at yourself, but you do feel better

it could be your outline for when the time to actually tell him comes.

you shove the papers into an envelope, write ten's name and the address of his parisian dance academy just for the irony

and then make the mistake of letting it sit on your desk

in a matter of days, it has been swallowed by a bunch of other papers and trinkets

and when you're rushing around your room trying to get ready for another adventure to the beach - sicheng clinks the lollipop against his teeth and fishes it out - curious at the stamp

"do you want me to mail this?"

he asks and you're trying to find those sunglasses you literally just bought and grumble that sure, whatever - you'll meet him out by kun's car.

halfway to the beach, you turn in horror from the passenger seat to look at sicheng in the back

your eyes like saucers and a tremor in a voice

"wait. what did you ask me back in my room?"

sicheng's big smile is red from the candy, "your letter to ten."

and there comes the second pang of dread and worry that takes the overwhelming shape of your summer

oh my god - oh my god - maybe the letter won't even make it. i mean it's a letter to france....it'll take at least a month to get there. wait - it probably didn't even have a stamp on it. oh god maybe the address was totally off and some poor stranger is about to be subjected to my very incoherent feelings.....

every day you look at your phone and there's no texts or emails or anything from ten

his social media has gone quiet too

you throw your dignity down a well and ask all your friends if they've heard from him and they all scratch their heads and say no, it's been maybe a week since they did

your stress then turns from your love letter to a possibility that ten is in trouble

he kind of thrives from attention so it is very weird that he's so off-grid

you decide finally, on the day that it's been exactly a month and one day since he was gone, to call

you hover over the facetime button - should i text him first?

with a yelp, you nearly drop and crack your screen when ten's name flashes across the screen

you settle your breathing and tell yourself he hasn't gotten the letter, there's no way - since when has snail mail been efficient?

you answer and are about to ask what's up when ten waves something into the camera

"i got your letter."

maybe you go into rigor. because ten's eyebrows knit and he asks if your connection is ok, you aren't saying anything

you don't know if it's just because you miss him so much that you're able to drag yourself back into consciousness or because you are curious, in the depths of your mind, what his reaction will be

"o-oh. right- i-"

ten frowns and you think it's coming. the rejection is coming.

"is that why you didn't answer my text? you sent the letter instead?"

"your text?"

"yeah, i said i missed you and you read it and never responded."

a peek of a smile stretches on his pretty, bare face

"i never thought you were so romantic to send a letter."

something burns on your skin but you just try to make sure your hand holding the phone doesn't shake

"im not - i just, it was dumb sicheng said i should write it because - i don't know. he's the romantic, blame him."

"you're the one that said i could make a shy tulip open its petals with my laughter."

"oh god"

that smile turns into a grin

"and that my dancing manages to cast a spell on you."

you hide your expression by turning your face

"are you going to re-read the whole thing to me?"

"should i, you're so poetic."

"don't make fun of me."

your voice is serious this time, small and huddled, because you mean it

worse than being told he doesn't feel the same is to be ridiculed for holding him in your heart like this for so long

"im not making fun of you, the letter is beautiful."

you still can't look at him, it's so ten to be kind before he's cruel

"i could never write something like that - so i thought i would just call you and say it."

you don't need to love song yourself into telling me you just see me as a friend

"i love you."

your head whips back so fast your phone drops and you curse and ten can't help but laugh

"sorry, sorry -what did you say?"

he runs a hand through his dark hair, the lighting in his room is dim and illuminates him perfectly

a large white t-shirt engulfs his slender shoulders as he sits up against the wall

"i love you. i know it's corny to confess over facetime, but im guessing it's more forgivable than text?"

a bubble bursts in your stomach and it makes you feel lightheaded and inhumanely blissful all at once

"i love you too."

"more then friends right, because your letter had this part about kissing im very interested in."

you bite back your lip and nod, both embarrassed that he'd bring that part up too but also seeing ten - your close friend, your secret love - talk about kissing you

makes some of the neurons in your body go haywire

"good, i seriously was scared you might have been pranking me with thi-"

"i would never. im not hendery."

"oh how are they, ive been super busy with the practice for a review so i haven't talked to anyone."

another thing you love about him, he keeps everyone in. he leaves none of his friends behind. he pretends like he couldn't have a care in the world, but he cares more than anyone else.

"he's ok, he almost crashed kun's car yesterday."

ten shrugs, "expected."

and like that - everything is still somehow the same. there is no awkward phase after you've talked about your feelings for each other at all.

because your love doesn't come as a one hit punch because ten is beautiful, although he is to an unfair degree

it comes from the experience of being around him. having so much of him. maybe even getting a little addicted.

you do talk more on the phone, no more long pauses even though ten's practices get more grueling and you tell him to take his time to rest

but he's sweaty on the practice room floor - texting you - telling you everything is sore but the thought of seeing you soon makes it all better

it's three days before ten is scheduled to fly back that he has his review and you are biting your fingernails waiting for him to tell you about it

when you get a youtube link at like three in the morning - you click it and someone has recorded ten's performance

somehow, he looks more graceful than you've ever seen him

a new text comes in when it's almost done

'i think i did well - can i get a reward?'

'you'll get a really good one when you're home'

he sends a winking emoji and you can't fall asleep after because you wonder what he's expecting, you'd meant a kiss - had he meant more?

you wouldn't mind that at all.

xiaojun is being pulled away from the conveyer belt by kun and hendery is asking sicheng for a sip of his starbucks as you all wait for ten's plane to land in the airport lobby

you two have not told anyone - mostly because you know there will be endless questions you won't have answers too and sicheng might literally never let you live it down

so you wait for ten to be here so you can suffer together

you see the gates from his flight open and sicheng mutters that you look like you're going to pop like a goddamn balloon

for once in your life, you don't snide back at him, folding your hands in front of you and tippy-toeing to see over the crowd

and then, like seeing him for the first time all the years ago when you first met, ten comes out

hendery and xiaojun try to go for a running jump, but the older members hold them back because everyone can sense whats coming

you dash toward him and ten doesn't stay still either - you two collide so hard it almost hurts, but you don't care at all

ten's duffel bag falls over his shoulder and your hands are wrapped around his neck before he can even say your name

it's a first kiss that couldn't be more characteristically fit for you

sweet, big smiles tasted on lips, and interrupted by none other than your group of friends gasping in a symphony of shock

except for sicheng - he knew

ten tastes like you imagine he would taste, maybe because in smaller ways you've already had doses of the sunshine that radiates off him before

he keeps his hands wrapped around your waist as he looks down into your eyes

"mon amour"

"is that really all you learned in france?"

"ummm yeah, i don't know how to say let's get out of here and back to my place even though im pretty sure someone said that to me at some point."

you pout, "don't try to make me jealous."

"never!"

ten chuckles as you press your face into his neck and hug him close

the only way you get pulled apart is because someone (kun) reminds you all you're still at the PUBLIC airport

the drive back is a frenzy and everyone wants to know everything and not about just you two - because you're "two" now - but about france and traveling and ten's dancing

like you'd sensed - nothing has really changed

just this time, your fingers are locked in tens. and the warmth you longed for in silence is suddenly all out in the open.

funnily enough, you and ten don't ever write letters to each other again.

ten just doesn't like writing - it takes too much sitting down

and you are horrified everytime he fishes your love confession out of the memory box and dangles it above your head as leverage

it's how he convinced you into adopting the first cat. now you two have three.

so when you and him are deciding the best way to let all your friends know about your upcoming event you cross out mailed invitations

"we can make an email list."

your legs are thrown over his thighs on the sofa and he's resting the laptop on you them

"let's just make an instagram post: wedding in our backyard on thursday - you're invited."

ten pinches his nose

"we are not having a backyard wedding. we could not fit everyone in my dance company into it anyway."

you play with your engagement band and sigh

"fine, fine. what about.....we just call everyone and tell them. if we call kun right now he'll let all of the world know by the end of the week."

ten agrees with a hum, but then starts typing and you lean over to see

"bulk wedding invites? you're giving in?"

he closes the laptop and tosses it to the side, easily and gently pushing you down onto your back to hover over you with a small content sound

"i am. but we don't even have to write the letters - some company will do it for us."

his lips are inches from yours and all of a sudden you're young again - waiting to kiss him for the first time at that airport

"you know we'll still have to write vows right."

he is about to kiss you, he's so close and your eyes are closing

"i'll just read your letter outl-"

"TEN NO!"

he laughs, laughs until he finally does kiss you and then laughs again when he pulls back - the overflowing amount of love that exists in that moment is potent

you tell him to get over that old thing, but he shakes his head

"never, when again in all the lives i live is someone going to say i could make a shy tulip open its petals with my laughter?"

#i know his bday was in february please im still working through them cries #ten au #ten imagines #ten scenarios #nct au #nct imagines #nct scenarios #wayv imagines #wayv au #wayv scenarios #sfw #nostolgic!au #ten #member: ten #im sicheng through all this

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Beholder

John Wick x OFC (Anya Cohen)

Epilogue

Chapter 1 Chapter 16 Playlist Masterlists

Author's note:I am not a medical professional, and cannot speak to the effects of anti-psychotics on a someone that doesn't need them. The effects mentioned here are fictional and dramatized. Warnings- Drugging, brief descriptions of murder, mentions of pregnancy, Stockholm Syndrome *Disclaimer:This work explores themes of violence, murder, kidnapping and dubious consent. Individual warnings will be posted on each chapter. Reader discretion is advised.

Six Years Later, Italy Summers in Italy were always exceptional; the sun always seemed to be in the right place, the grass at the parks got a little greener and those darling, cobblestone streets shone like something off of a postcard. It was always hot though, and somehow, no matter what she wore, especially that year, felt like way too much. That day, the strappy, bright yellow sundress that barely reached her knees felt more like a fleece blanket wrapped around her.

She hadn’t even wanted to go out, but Alice had been insistent on taking the dog, their family’s little golden cockapoo, Benji, to Florence for a walk around the city. They’d been there for a while by then, at least two hours and had found themselves in a square framed by small, picturesque shops with a gorgeous fountain at the center. Alice was closer to the fountain with Bengi, throwing a little ball and giving him treats as they played fetch, while Anya hung back a little, strap of her small handbag and the leash in her hands, close enough to call them over if needed but far enough to allow her daughter to feel like she was getting an opportunity to be independent.

Her eyes were trained on the pair, a soft smile gracing her sun kissed features as she watched them play. She must have been a little too far off in her own little world to notice much else going on around her- or hear the man coming up behind her, and so, when someone touched her arm and called her name, she jumped, yelping in surprise.. It was something that seemed to happen quite often since the accident; Anya could lose hours on end just slipped into a daydream, not thinking of much, simply rapt in hazy memories that felt more like dreams slipping through sand.

“Anya?” Trying to shake off the fog surrounding her brain and awaken her eyes, she shifted to regard the man who’d moved to stand in front of her, just a little off to her left. Him, she knew him. The life she had with him though, it felt like it was light-years in her past, and Anya couldn’t remember the last time they'd seen each other, before she’d gotten married perhaps.

Still, the sight of him made her smile softly, “Christopher,” his name came easily, “Hey, how are you?”

He looked a little older than she remembered, flecks of gray had started showing up in his dark waves and he’d grown his beard out. Christopher also looked enormously surprised to see her, Anya almost thought that he looked like he’d seen a ghost. “Ani,” he gasped, his eyes roving her frame, lingering on her midsection for a handful of seconds, and confused by his surprise, Anya freed on of her hands, transferring the folded leash to the hand gripping her mini Birkin- an anniversary present from her husband- and placed her left hand protectively over the small swell off her stomach. “I can’t believe its you,” he brethed, words laced with awe as he brashly leaned in for a hug, one she was too startled to return. “I thought you were-”

“Mamma!” Just as the words had broken from his lips and Christopher had let her go, Alice and Benji came bounding towards Anya. As much as she’d have liked to think she took care of her daughter, Anya knew that Alice was being trained to look after her.

“Sometimes mamma forgets,” her husband says, “Sometimes she needs help. Always look out for your mamma, okay?”

“Mamma,” Alice reached to hold Anya’s wrist, “Are you okay?” When Anya glazed down, a pair of big brown eyes were gazing up at her, brimmed with concern.

“I’m fine hunny,” Anya hummed, glancing at Christopher as her faltering smile, “Uh…Christopher, this my daughter, Alice,” she took a breath, once again transferring the items between her hands so she could take Alice’s small hand in hers, “Ally, this one mamma’s old friends.”

“I didn’t know you had friends,” Alice frowned, and suddenly, Anya realized that she didn’t, not really. She actually can’t remember the last time she’s spent time with a friend, she can’t even remember if she has any.

Nervously, Anya chuckled noticing the concerned glint in Christopher’s eye, and she could tell he wanted to say something about it, but instead he quipped; “You know, you haven’t called me that…..since….wow,” he chortled, “It’s been a really ,long time, I still can’t its you” he paused, mood sobering once more and after a moment, he glanced at Alice, “You named her after your mother,” he noted.

“Yeah,” Anya nodded and was about to explain further when someone cleared their throat behind her.

“Ladies,” John stepped beside her and Anya’s breath hitched. She always did that when he walked into a room, she didn’t really know why, but her heart would sometimes speed up too and while she usually tried to convince herself that it was because she was excited to see him, deep down, Anya knew it was something else. She doesn’t know what it is, but it was something. “Gelato!” He announced, pressing a kiss to the side of Anya’s face as Alice erupted into a fit of excited laughter.

John told Alice to put Benji back on his leash, which she did, before offering her a waffle cone filled with two scoops of strawberry gelato. “Who’s your friend babe?” He peered curiously when Alice stopped paying attention, much to focused on her snack. She can’t quite tell, but she swears there’s an edge in his words.

“Actually I think we’ve met. I came to your house a few years ago-”

“You two have met?” Anya gasped, confused as she looked between them. She thinks she should remember that, but she really doesn't, and Anya can hardly fathom an instance where her husband would have met the man who was almost her husband without her being there.

John shrugged, “Can’t remember. We might have, I’m not sure.”

“Yeah with Lilly, I was actually looking for you,” Christopher addressed her, his face falling at the mention of her sister. “You’d been…..missing.”

Lilly. Lillian.

A body in a pool of blood. A face so bloodied it's unrecognizable

The memories of a bad dream bellies up and fades almost instantly.

Knitting her brows, she shifted her weight from one leg to the other, “Missing?” Anya repeated, befuddled. Suddenly, the sun’s heat seemed to quadruple and there were bright spots dancing on her vision. Trying to shake off the dizziness, Anya drew in a couple slow breaths, replacing her hand on her stomach and feeling the gentle patter of their second daughter’s kicks against her palm. “I don’t….missing?”

It isn’t the word exactly that sparks the reaction, but what it means. Christopher is suggesting that she’d been gone, vanished. But that doesn’t make sense.

She’d met John at work, they’d gotten married and she’d gotten into an accident before they found out they were having Alice.

Maybe he’s talking about her stay in the hospital- which she also doesn’t recall- or when they’d moved to Connecticut during her recovery.

“You okay sweetheart?” John’s voice rang through as the only clear thing she could hear, it was like his voice, soothing and familiar was piercing water and wind to get to her.

Swallowing thickly, Anya nodded, “Yeah I just…..” She exhaled loudly, eliciting a dry, anxious chuckle, “I’m really hot all of a sudden.”

Through her blurring periphery, she saw John turn to Christopher, “I’m gonna take her to sit,” he said hurriedly, “But it was great seeing you again,” he rattled off.

“But I thought-” Anya didn’t hear the rest of his sentence, she didn’t even get to ask what he meant or say goodbye before John led her away, beckoning Alice along. He led them to a quieter part of the square, behind the fountain where the pathway was lined with a clothing boutique, an antique store and a jewelry shop.

She doesn’t think she can count how many presents John has bought her from those very stores.

A pair of authentic art deco earrings after she’d had Alice. A cashmere sweater last Christmas. A gorgeous tennis bracelet when they’d found out they were expecting again.

“Is this any better?” John asked cautiously, just as her mind started to settle and her vision began clearing. She was still incomparably warm and her loose sundress felt way tighter than it actually was, but Anya thought she was faring a bit better than she had been about fifteen minutes earlier.

Anya hummed, nodding as Alice fidgeted between them, making a mess of her little white top as she ate her gelato. “I don’t know what happened back there,” she admitted sheepishly.

“Well, it is really hot,” John sympathized, “Maybe this’ll help. The woman at the counter asked me if I was sure about my order three times after I asked for mango and mint chocolate chip together,” he chuckled softly.

“Its so good though!” Anya laughed, trying to discard her earlier spell, popping a spoon into her mouth and humming at the taste.

“I’ll take your word for it, and stick to vanilla,” he mused, using a napkin to wipe off Alice’s mouth before starting his own desert. Watching them, Anya’s smile grew fonder; he’s such a good father, she doesn’t think she could have dreamed up a better life with anyone else.

He’s perfect for her, he and Alice and their new baby; they’re everything she needs……maybe that’s why she doesn’t have anyone else.

“Alright Ally-pants,” he tickled her side, “Why don’t we finish our gelato and get home so mamma can get some rest, yeah?”

“Okay papa!” Their little one beamed, just as Anya lapsed into silence beside them, trying to shake the remnants of the strange feeling that had crept up on her while they were talking to Christopher.

Meeting Christopher at the square had been a close call, too close and John had preferred to leave those in his past. Christopher was supposed to stay in the past, he’s the one person that can unravel John’s entire life. He’s the one loose thread that can’t be clipped. As far as John could tell though, he hadn’t had a chance to say anything too damning; not about Lillian being dead or ‘missing’, or Anya herself being presumed dead- and John knew that she’d been considered dead.

A sibling rivalry gone wrong, that was the headline splashed across the front of magazines and newspapers.

Still, Anya hadn’t been the same since their run in with her ex, and even if she’d tried to put up a facade of apathy towards the interaction, John could tell it had affected her. She’d been slipping more than usual, off in her own world since they’d gotten in the car and barely snapping out of it when he or Alice tried getting her attention. Every time John looked at her, and she looked away, he could swear she was trying to put all the pieces together; the memories prompted by whatever trigger words that Christopher might have uttered, anything that seeing him might have jogged. And John needed to fix that before any….lasting effects set in.

He’s worked too hard to get them there, to turn them into the happy family that they are now.

They’re having another baby, he can’t lose her like that.

For a moment, when they’d gotten home and John had watched Anya help Alice out of the car, fumbling over simple things like undoing the buckle of the car seat and taking Benji off his leash, he’d contemplated tracking Christopher down and putting an end to things altogether, just to ensure nothing like that ever happened again. But he was retired, John had been adamant in reminding himself of the fact.

Retired. Reformed. Better.

He has everything he needs, he doesn’t need to kill again. Not even if he misses it. Not even if he dreams about it sometimes or lays awake a night looking back on the life he used to have.

The feeling of blood soaking his clothes. The sounds of breath leaving a body. The haze of dying eyes.

He misses it……sometimes. But most times, John would look at the woman of his dreams and their little girl, whose smile looked kind of like the one her mother used to have, and he’d be content. He was happy, and before them, he’d never been happy- he’d never had enough. With them, he had more than it.

“Hey,” he stepped past the threshold of the sliding back door of their rustic Tuscany villa, calling out to Anya, who was cozied on a porch swing, vacant eyes cast towards the sprawling backyard, were Alice was playing with Benji in her little clubhouse.

Shaking off whatever she’d been thinking of, Anya blinked quickly and glanced his way, a small smile brightening her tired features. Her smile, it soothed his worries a bit; if she was smiling, that meant things were still okay, he still had time to undo the damage done earlier that day. “Hi,” Anya patted the spot next to her, and when John sank down in it, she leaned into his side and he instinctively put an arm around her smaller frame.

Humming, she closed her eyes and John angled his head to peck the crown of her head, breathing the scent of her shampoo. “What were you thinking about just now?” He probed gently, not wanting seem like he was prying.

Anya sighed softly, “Christopher….” John inhaled sharply, holding his breath in anticipation for her next words. Her pause was a bit longer than one would expect when having a conversation an adult, she’d changed so much over the past few years and John easily recognized that her altered behavior had been the product of his attempts to recondition her; all the sedatives he’d pumped into her before they found out she was pregnant, all the time he’d spent convincing her that she’d been in an accident and that they were already married, discarding any memories that opposed his narrative and then the anti-psychotics he’d kept her on, just to keep her quiet.

Sometimes, maintaining the charade is exhausting, but when he looks at their life and Anya says she loves him and Alice calls him ‘papa,’ it's all worth it.

“Um….” Anya exhaled heavily, finally remembering their conversation, “He mentioned Lilly, it’s been so long since we talked,” she shook her head, “I don’t even what our fight was about, I was thinking about calling her,” Anya chuckled dryly, “But I can’t remember her number…..or where I’d have it.”

Sighing heavily, John leaned his cheek on the top of her head, “You know what happened,” he’d only told her the story about a dozen times, “I called her after the accident, Ani. She said-”

“I know what she said,” Anya shook her head, “I mean, I don’t know what she said, I know what you’ve told-”

“She said you were dead to her,” John cut her off, hoping the apparent harshness of a falsified occurrence would repel her from the idea of attempting to contact someone that she didn't know was already dead.

“I remember, it's just….she’s my sister John, what if I did something to hurt her? You know, I wouldn't want our girls to fight like that one day, so maybe I should…..lead by example,” Anya shifted and it was John’s feet planted firmly on the worn cobblestone floor keeping the swing steady as she did. “I know what she said must have been horrible to hear,” she reached over and affectionately squeezed his thigh, one hand still absently resting on her bump. “But…..” she shrugged.

Surprisingly, it was the most coherent she’d been in years; they’d had conversations, long ones about important things, but none about her past. She never remembered enough to talk about anything before the first few months of them being together, and even if she didn’t remember that afternoon John could tell that she was close. And it scared him. “I know,” he reached up to caress her cheek with the back of his fingers, “But this I just don’t think this is the right time to go digging around in the past. Getting stressed out over this stuff….its not worth the grief," John reached out, placing a hand next to hers on her stomach, feeling their gentle movements of their daughter under his palm. How lucky is he, to have done such horrible things with hands and still use them during the most beautiful pleasures of his life? Holding his wife’s hand, rocking their daughter to sleep, feeling their baby kick.

She was about to counter his words, John could see it on her face, "Have you taken your medication today?" He asked abruptly.

She blinked quickly, obviously startled, "Uh….no, we left in such a hurry this morning. And honestly, I feel fine,” Anya shrugged casually.

Trying to mask his annoyance, John pressed, “But you weren’t this morning.” when Christopher almost ripped his entire life in half.

“Yeah but….I guess I just got flustered,” she squeezed his thigh again, and that time, John laid his free hand over hers, “I’m fine though. Besides, I don’t like the way they’ve been making me feel these days,” Anya admitted.

“You have to take your meds,” he stressed, trying to meet her eyes, though Anya averted her gaze, instead turning to look out to where Alice was playing with Benji. “Alright,”” he relented, “Maybe you can skip ‘em today. Why don’t I get you something to drink. Iced tea?” He offered.

“Uh, sure, thanks,” briefly, she turned and smiled, before reverting her gaze to Alice. She played well on her own, and John often thought he saw much of himself in her; even at five, she’s tough, serious and doesn’t seem to appreciate having to interact with anyone that isn’t him or Anya, not even kids her own age.

She used to have a nanny, she quit after a few too many biting incidents.

Preschool didn’t go very well either, she pushed a classmate off a jungle gym. Now she’s home-schooled.

She was good with Benji though, there hadn’t been any incidents there yet, but John wasn't worried, as long as she loved them, and they loved her, everything would be fine. She won't hurt the baby, right? Shaking off the troubling thoughts, John rose from the porch swing and headed towards the back door.

In the kitchen, he got a jug of iced tea out of the fridge, and as he stood at the counter, an arched window mounted just above it, John could still see Alice throwing the ball and encouraging Benji to go get it, at some point, he even heard her ask Anya if they could go for a walk down the hill and John couldn't see his wife from that angle, but he did hear when she reported that she was tired and that it was too late anyway. Filling the glass halfway, John bent over for a moment, rummaging through a usually locked drawer until he located a little, orange tinted plastic bottle with the label scratched off. There’s another bottle upstairs in their medicine cabinet, Anya thinks it's medication for the ‘brain damage’ that has resulted from a car accident she’d been in while John knows that those little two hundred gram pills are the only thing holding his elaborate ruse together.

For a moment, guilt hampered his actions, though John was quick to discard it, instead shaking three pills out of the bottle and laying it on a wooden chopping board. Its more than her usual dosage of two pills, but he thinks one more for good measure will be enough to combat the effects of earlier that day. Ensuring that he was still alone in the kitchen, John used the gray, granite pestle to reduce the tablets to a small pile of off-white powder before mixing it into the half glass of iced tea. Topping off the glass, he got metal straw out of a decorative, ceramic cup on the counter and situated it in the tall glass before returning to the porch.

“Iced tea for mamma,” he teased, offering her the glass and Anya giggled softly as she took a long initial sip of her drink. Once again, when John resigned next to her, she snuggled against him, and as usual, the feel of Anya reminded him that everything he’d been through was worth it- and he’d do it all again, just so he could end up with her. Albeit, he would fix some of his mistakes;

Not take that job in London, so she wouldn’t cheat.

Handle things differently after swiping her out of the house; maybe actually get rid of her cellphone and laptop.

He definitely wouldn’t kill her sister; even if her body had come in handy, he’d only needed it because of the missteps he’d made.

“You know, I’ve been thinking,” Anya hummed, straw lingering between her lips as she encouraged him to continue, “We should get out of here.”

She elicited a sound of confusion, “Like…..for dinner or something?” Already, he could hear the medication having its effects, the subtle slowness of her words, the way they seemed like they were bouncing on air.

“Like move,” he corrected. It made sense, if Christopher found out that they lived in Italy, it could open a can of worms and rip his life to tatters, but if they left before he could pick up on anything; before he started putting even the most minuscule and inconsequential pieces together, then everything would be solved without John having to temporarily desert his retirement. “I’m thinking Greece,” one of the smaller islands specifically, where they're unlikely to have any detrimental run-ins, “The beaches are gorgeous, I could teach Ally how to swim. It’ll be amazing.”

Anya scoffed softly and shook her head, presumably to ward off the haze, “There are beaches here,” she reasoned, “Beautiful ones,” she sighed and John’s hand slipped from her shoulder and reached forward to cup her baby bump. He liked feeling the babe’s pattering kicks, it was soothing and made him feel a little more human than usual. Meet nice women and have beautiful babies with them, real men did that, as long as John was a father and a husband, he was a man, not a monster.

“Why do you wanna move?” Anya inquired drowsily.

John shrugged nonchalantly, resting his cheek on the crown of her head, breathing the smell of her shampoo. It might have been summer, but she smelt like the best parts of spring; the wild berries, the fresh air and the sweetness of milk and honey. “I just think its time for a change of pace is all. And think about it, you could spend the rest of the pregnancy with the beach right at our back door. Then we have the baby, we'll put her crib by the window and the waves will put her to sleep-”

“We said the quiet here would calm Alice and she cried all the time,” Anya giggled. She was right though, Alice had cried so, so much. For days on end, she’d wail until her little throat was sore and sometimes, John swore she was doing it on purpose, just so they’d be miserable.

But this baby’s gonna be different, because she’ll be like her mother, and not like him. She’s gonna be easy, and she’ll like the waves.

“Time for a change……” Anya repeated coolly, and her breathing grew a little ragged with tire, “Mmmm, I guess it would be nice.” They’d hadn’t been sitting like that for too long, though the medication, all crushed up and in her drink, would probably work a bit faster than normal. Heavily, she sighed again, that time sitting up and reaching for her temple with two fingers.

“What’s wrong?” He feigned ignorance, his hand gliding to her back so he cold affectionately rub up and down her spine, “Talk to me sweetheart.”

She winced at the word and sympathetically, or maybe regretfully, John did too. “I’m….maybe I'll go take my meds after all, my head hurts and I suddenly feel really out of it.”

No, no, no, that’ll be way too much. “You know what? Maybe you just need some rest,” weaning the glass out of her white-knuckled clutch, John helped her stand, and just then, Alice came bounding up the porch steps. “Why don’t you go lay down, I can stay out here with Ally.”

“Mamma, can we wanna have a tea party?” Alice interrupted, tugging at the skirt of Anya’s maternity sundress, “Please,” the girl flashed her mother her best puppy eyes, a look that was practically impossible to say no to.

Licking her lips, Anya brushed her hand through Alice’s soft, brunette strands, “Baby, mamma’s gonna lie down for a little while-”

“Are you sick?” Alice frowned deeply, tilting her head curiously as she continued, “Is the baby sick?”

There must have been something about the way she said it, because John didn’t miss the snap of Anya’s head and the moment of sharp clarity in her eyes, before if quickly dissolved. “Not sick,” she smiled weakly, “Just tired. But maybe papa will have a tea party with you.”

Grinning, John reached to pull Alice into his lips, and when he pressed a series of quick kisses to her soft cheek, she laughed wildly; besides her first cry, and not the years worth of others, her laugh must have been his most favorite sound. “Papa would love to have a tea party with Ally-pants. If she wants to have one with him.”

Briefly, he caught Anya flashing them a grin as she lingered in the doorway for a moment, her smile oddly enough, fading as she retreated into the house. Benji darted in after her, sensing that she might have needed a little company and when Alice’s laughter died, John sent her to collect her toys; they preferred teaching her to clean up her messes instead of having someone else do it- a lesson that her father should have learnt a little better.

When she was through, John led Alice into the house, helping her wash grass and dirt off her hands and then sending her up to her room to get ready for their tea party. Before John headed there himself, he stole a peek into the master bedroom, finding Anya already laid atop the made sheets, tuned on her side and cradled by pillows meant to support her back and tummy, with Benji protectively laying on the floor right next to her, watchful eyes cast upwards.

John liked seeing her like that, so at peace and untroubled, though often, he wondered what she was dreaming about. Him, perhaps? And if it is, is he her fantasy within reach, or is he her worst nightmare?

Her feet are a little sore from walking around the cafe all day and there’s a strand of hair that refuses to stay in her ponytail, constantly falling over her face instead. She’s brushed it away from her face probably the dozen times already that afternoon. Anya is in the midst of doing it again, just after she’s finished wiping down a table that formerly hosted a trio of very messy teenagers, when he walks in. She can’t remember his name, even if she’s probably written it on his cup a thousand times, but she does know his order; black coffee with two sugars. He’s dangerously handsome and often, when Anya’s mind strays to the gutter, she figures that he might be good for a fun weekend or two.

He always dresses nice, so maybe that weekend could be a little exotic- he obviously has the money.

His wealth is not what attracts her though, Its the little awkwardness that he exhibits every time she goes to take his order; the way he gets flustered when she tells him to have a nice day and how he stumbles over his very simple order sometimes; it makes her feel powerful, how can a man of his nature be so timid around her? Him in his designer leather jackets and five hundred dollar jeans and her, serving coffee and wearing a ten dollar apron.

She leaves him be for a while, not wanting to come off as desperate, and tends to other customers in the interim. Though, eventually, she grabs the French press off the counter and quickly whips up a fresh batch, shoving a handful of sugar packets into her pockets before setting off towards him, “Refill?” She peers and while his response is a blur, she fills up his mug anyways and then offers him two packets of sugar. He thanks her and just to get the ball rolling, she says with a flirty wink; “No problem, anything for one of my favorites.”

And then suddenly, things shift.

She’s in a club, drunk out of her mind, but she swears he’s there too. On the other side of the room and they definitely make eye contact, but when she blinks, he’s gone again.

There’s a car outside of her apartment, a nice car. Too nice to be from her community. There’s a car at his house. “.....such a weird coincidence…..”

There’s the car again, parked outside the restaurant. Their place, but Christopher’s saying something about how much he still misses her, and how he hasn’t really dated since they’ve broken up. She tells him she still loves him too, but she’s seeing someone.

Everything’s going by so quickly and Anya feels as if she’s watching a movie set to pay fifty times its original speed. Memories, fragments and made up moments flit past her eyes in blurs of hazy color while distorted sounds whistle past her ears.

Things seem to slow down when she's in her apartment though, and while Anya doesn’t quite understand why, she feels terribly alone and horribly scared. There’s a phone, a loud one, and when it rings, she knows she isn’t alone. He’s lonely, he said he is. She feels for him, even while knowing that he’s done something. Something bad, something twisted.

Time is flying again as a familiar nightmare takes form. A moment is mounted around her and it makes Anya feel like the walls are closing in on her. A body. The blood. The teeth.

It’s all just a dream sweetheart. Its all just a dream.

How many times has she heard those words? Too many.

Lillian. Anya was nothing more than to scream her name, shout it at the top of her lungs, even if she knows her sister can’t hear it. She wants to rip the man to shreds, the man who destroyed her life, but she can’t quite see him. Anya knows him though, maybe a little too well. Maybe if she thinks hard enough, she’ll see his face, maybe she just has to reach. She knows those eyes, those hands. That voice in her head that’s lying to her, she knows it. If only she can just-

With a startle she awakes and the words are being cast by the same voice into the dimness as he gathers her in his arms, “It’s all just a dream sweetheart. It was just a bad dream.”

Sitting up with aid and a struggle, Anya let John take her into his embrace. It was warm and familiar, though, for some reason, she couldn’t help but associate it with the horridity of her nightmare. “Its okay,” he rasped against her hair, and between them, she could feel her baby’s frantic movements, not doubt stirred by her frenzy. “I’ve got you babygirl.”

Tears leak from her sleepy eyes and Anya let herself sob, hoping that the act would rid her of the nightmare that had seemed more like stowed memories. “It was horrible,” she heaved into his shoulder, hugging John tighter.

“I know,” he cooed, “But its over. We’re here now and its over. It was just a dream.”

For a moment, she swears it happens; the click. The one thing that pulls the figments of her dreamscape together and makes it one, hellish whole. The face, the voice, the man and his touch, it was all him; John. But it only lasts a moment, if even that much. A millisecond of clarity. The fog clears and the fleeting dream that flashes before her teary eyes is, very briefly, more than just a dream. They’re memories, her memories.

But it doesn’t last.

The cloud befuddling her mind resumed its white thickness and that moment of evanescent clarity is gone. Anya actually thought that she might have preferred it that way, because if those dreams were really memories, then her perfect life, the happy marriage and beautiful family, would all just be a lie. And if it's a lie then the man who she’s hopelessly in love with is the same one who’s ruined her life, and when she says their little girl is a lot like her daddy, that might not be such a good thing. That was why Anya succumbed to the haze, squeezing her eyes shut as she borrowed against John’s shoulder and held him tighter, shuddering when he did the same.

She loves him. She loves him. She loves him.

And he loves her. They have a family, she’s happy- most of the time. That’s what matters.

The rest is just a bad dream, she tried convincing herself of it, drilling the thought into the furthest reaches of her mind. It was all just a dream, just like he said. Or maybe, she thought, just maybe ignorance is bliss and it doesn't matter anyway.

He did say that one day she’d forgive him too.

*****

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