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writethelifeyouwant · 2 years

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Made For You | Chapter 19

Summary: Dean and Sam like what they have together, and if screwing your brother screws with the universe’s “grand plan” while they’re at it, then even better. Neither of them has ever cared much for tradition or fate, but it turns out there are some destinies you can’t escape. Sometimes, someone is just made for you.

Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader / Alpha!Dean x Omega!Sam Rating: 18+ Warnings: Incest, Dub Con (Sex Pollen) Tags: Dean x Reader, Dean x Sam, alpha!Dean, omega!Sam, omega!Reader, fuck or die, sex pollen, love triangle, star-crossed lovers, destiny, true mates, primal urges, angst, mating, kissing, p in v, knotting, scenting, kinda threesome, hurt/comfort, praise kink, dirty talk, accidental mating, squirting, overstimulation, sloppy seconds Bingo Squares: @spnabobingo - Sloppy Seconds | @supernatural-jackles TMAS Bingo Word Count: 2.2k

Series Masterlist

Sam’s POV

Sam feels sick. No– no, actually, he doesn’t. He wants to feel sick. He knows he should feel horrified about everything that’s just happened.

He hadn’t meant to stay, really he hadn’t. Sam wants to blame it on the supernatural sex pollen, and some of it definitely can be blamed on the horrid substance. He can tell himself that he never would have stayed to watch Y/N and Dean if he had been thinking clearly. He never would have touched his baby girl the way he did at the end if he’d been of sound mind. Holding her, comforting her while she was in danger, making sure she and Dean were both safe; that’s one thing. Slipping his fingers between his daughter’s legs to play with her clit and help her cum around Dean’s knot is not as easily explained. And absolutely none of it is forgivable, Sam berates himself.

He should be disgusted with himself… but he isn’t. As Sam breathes deeply, trying to comprehend everything that’s just transpired, he can feel his cock–rock hard and leaking almost as much slick as his hole–rubbing between the sweat-damp skin of Y/N’s lower back and his own stomach. At some point in the proceedings, his hospital gown must have gotten bunched up without him realising it.

All of Sam’s senses feel overwhelmed and confused. His ass feels just as empty and desperate as it has since the sex pollen began to take effect, craving a knot, craving a mate. But now, he’s just mated himself to someone who can’t give him that. When Sam sucked Dean’s tongue into his mouth and licked over his brother’s lips, he swallowed down the same blood and mating hormones that Dean had just released from their daughter’s veins. Through their carelessness, and their desperate craving for each other, Sam and Dean had just forced Y/N into a mating bond that she hadn’t chosen. And now, the sex pollen that’s been making Sam crave an alpha’s cock is now also making him crave his own daughter’s cunt. Because he’s a fucking idiot.

There’s yet another problem with this situation, though, because Dean’s cock is still knotted inside Y/N. Sam can feel the head of his brother’s dick pressing up against his palm through the base of the girl’s belly–a feeling that, inexplicably, has him practically delirious with desire. Y/N and Dean will probably stay knotted for a little while longer before the alpha releases enough to separate them without hurting either of them, and that’s if they don’t just start fucking again on instinct and stay tied the whole time. So both of the things that Sam is being forced to magically crave are also both off-limits to him right now, and he thinks it’s going to drive him insane.

Well, silver lining, Sam thinks bitterly, if the sex pollen kills me, Y/N won’t be stuck mated to an omega she never wanted in the first place.

“Hey, hey!” A dull tapping gets Sam’s attention and he blinks, bringing the hospital room back into focus around him, becoming conscious that Dean is lightly smacking him on the cheek. “There he is,” his older brother smiles tightly, and Sam feels his own lips pull up in a lazy smirk.

“Shut up,” he tries to say, trying to roll his eyes, but Sam can’t feel his muscles reacting properly, the way he remembers it feeling, and his words come out blurry, his vision slurring.

Dean’s POV

“Sammy? Sam!” Dean calls again, more forcefully this time as his little brother’s eyes lose focus again, and his lids slip shut. His jaw hangs slightly ajar and his neck begins to loll back, his stupid long floppy hair pooling on his shoulders. This is not good. This is very, very not good, and Dean can feel himself beginning to panic. The pollen is clearly beginning to take over Sam’s system.

“Daddy?” Y/N grumbles, her head snuggling back into Sam’s chest as she tries to peer up at him. “Daddy?” she asks again, slightly more alert, when Sam doesn’t respond. “Daddy. Da– Dean? What’s wrong?”

Dean tries to shush his mate, kissing her gently on the forehead as he tries to think about what can be done. He’s just found his brother again after twenty years. He’s not about to lose him again. No way.

“Dean, what’s happening?” Y/N asks more insistently, pulling back to look him in the eye, the pleasure-fog that had been clouding her features a moment before almost entirely evaporated now.

“It’s the pollen,” Dean grunts, shifting his body as much as he can with his knot still tied to Y/N. “Can you lean forward, baby girl? Need to try and move us over, give him some space.”

“Shit, yeah,” Y/N flinches as she sits up too quickly, Dean’s cock moving inside of her and pulling uncomfortably for the both of them.

“Careful,” Dean hisses, biting on his tongue in concentration as he tucks a hand under Y/N’s leg and pulls it around his waist more tightly. “Here, put your arms around my neck sweetheart, gonna pick you up.” The alpha sits back on his knees, gathering the omega into him and pulling her up off of the mattress. Sam’s body relaxes a little and slides a bit down the bed without the weight of Y/N keeping him upright. His legs splay open as if it’s instinctual, displaying his hole and his cock, the scent of his arousal leaking into the air around them and making Dean feel slightly faint.

“Oh god,” Y/N whines, and Dean groans as her pussy clamps down on his knot, pulsing wantonly as she also inhales the scent of her father’s slick. “Oh fuck,” she whimpers into his shoulder, her lips skating damply over Dean’s skin.

“You want him, don’t you, baby girl?” Dean hears himself purring against Y/N’s ear, unconscious of making the decision to speak. His voice sounds low and guttural, seductive, and he has no idea what’s coming over him. “Such a greedy little girl, not happy with just one Daddy stuffed in this pussy, are you? You want two. You want Sammy, don'tcha sweetheart?”

“Fuck, Dean, yes,” Y/N groans, still grinding herself down onto his knot, which is not what Dean needs to be happening right now. He needs to get Y/N off of himself and on to his brother as quickly as possible, no matter how much his instincts are screaming at him for even considering pulling out of the cunt he’s currently cradled inside of. “Fuck, want you. Want you, Daddy,” the omega moans, and Dean’s breath catches in his throat, a whole muddle of arousal and emotion surging through him at the sound of Y/N referring to him as Daddy, and how much more that means now.

“You’ve got me, baby girl,” he pants, nuzzling against her and dragging his mouth across her skin until his lips find hers. “Fuck, ‘mega, I got you. Alpha’s got you.” Dean is on his feet he realises, having picked Y/N up in his arms and stepped off of the bed. He slams Y/N’s back against the wall beside the bed, pinning her body against his, and starts thrusting into her furiously, fucking her so hard the bed beside them is quaking. His face is buried against her neck, her screams are thick and vital in his ears, stringing his nerves so tight they snap in a flash of heat as he empties himself inside of her for a third time. There’s so much cum he can feel some of it escaping the barrier that his knot is supposed to be making and dripping into the crevices between the omega’s thighs.

“Dean,” Y/N is sobbing brokenly against him from her own overwhelming pleasure, and the alpha gets a spark of inspiration.

Pulling his hips back a little so he can squeeze a hand between them, he lets his fingers find the tiny bundle of nerves a little ways above where he can feel his cock rocking in and out of her entrance the tiniest bit. He swirls the pads of his fingers over her until he finds the spot that makes her gasp and bang her head back against the wall, ecstasy written clearly over her face. Speeding up, he begins to flex his hips a little more, unable to control very much with his knot still so big inside of her, but hoping desperately that the increased girth is giving him the advantage he needs and rubbing over the right spot.

“Cum for Daddy, ‘mega,” Dean commands, his jaw set in concentration. “Want you to squirt on my cock and push, push my knot right out of you baby girl, so you can go fuck your other Daddy for me. That’s what your alpha wants, Y/N. Wanna get you dripping wet so you just slide right down on your daddy's dick. It’s fucking big, take a look. Look at what I’m about to shove inside of this tight little hole, baby girl, and tell me how much you want your daddy’s cock inside of you.”

Y/N’s body becomes almost painfully tight around him and Dean feels every muscle seize up urgently, feels the gush of slick between his legs as her body convulses around him, and with a monumental effort he drags his hips down and manages to work himself free, his daughter still shaking and jerking in his arms with the seemingly unending waves of her climax. When Dean manages to focus his vision and he catches sight of her face, he can see her whole countenance has gone slack, muscles that had been wound tighter than a spring now hanging limply beneath her skin, her eyes blinking and unfocused– just on the verge of passing out then, not actually unconscious.

He’ll have to take the opportunity to congratulate himself some other time.

Dean lets Y/N’s legs uncurl from around him and lowers her to the floor, switching position and sweeping her up into his arms bridal style in order to carry her more securely around the side of the bed to where Sam is lying. He looks like he’s asleep. Peaceful. Absolutely nothing untoward. Except Dean knows better, he’s seen this kind of thing before: the omega is fading fast.

Y/N’s POV

When you manage to struggle back to some semblance of awareness, you can feel that your pussy is still full, which soothes the foreign urgency in your body that you assume is a consequence of the pollen. But something feels different, and it takes your foggy mind a minute or two to realise what it is. No knot. The cock inside of you is big, but you don’t have the distinctive pressure at the base of your entrance that comes from being locked with Dean after he’s knotted you.

Experimentally, you squeeze your muscles around the intrusion, moaning at the sensation of how deep inside of you the tip is reaching. It feels like the cock is somewhere in your freaking chest, it's so long. You know it’s not Dean inside of you, but it takes your memory a moment to supply the name of who else it could be.

Sam– you remember with a gasp as your body unconsciously rocks itself against him, grinding your hips down onto his length.

Daddy.

Daddy’s cock is sliding wetly inside of you, and you realise now that you’re curled against his chest, his large, warm hands splayed across your back, cradling you against him. You have an absurd memory of crawling into bed with him when you were little and wrapping yourself around him just like this–minus the sexual contact, of course. That part is new, but as you give your hips another experimental swivel, still lazily feeling out a rhythm, you decide you like this part. You’re gonna add this to the routine. Not that it’s been a part of your bedtime routine in fucking years, but you have the urge to start it back up, for some reason. It seems nonsensical that you would ever consider sleeping in a different bed to Daddy–or Dean, come to think of it.

You have no idea where these thoughts are coming from, they all seem to swarm simultaneously across your mind’s eye in a haze that you don’t have the energy or desire to analyse right now, so you simply let them swarm, and focus on the feeling of rubbing your clit against the very root of Sam’s cock because you realise in a moment of astonishment, he’s not even all the way inside of you, because of the way your body is draped over his chest.

Holy fuck.

A second later, you feel an orgasm shimmering through every conscious nerve of your body, your clit drawing up and twitching against your body inside its little protective folds, trying to shrink away from the overstimulation.

“Good girl,” you hear Dean’s voice purr behind you, and you feel another hand running gently over your back as the whispers of praise drift over your skin.

Chapter 20 posting on November 15th or head to my website to binge read the rest of the fic today!

Series Tags: @outofnowhere82 @ladysparkles78 @missusbarnes-rogers @waywardandnerdy0212

We’re All Mads Here: @vulgar-library @negans-lucille-tblr @fandomfic-galore @petitgateau911 @schaefchenherde @kickingitwithkirk @little-diable @laxe-chester67 @kassyscarlett @austin-winchester67 @flamencodiva @katbratsupernaturalwhore @letsbys-library @fictional-affairs @leigh70

All SPN: @cemini-winchester @akshi8278 @stoneyggirl @deandreamernp @lyarr24 @lovealways-j @slamminmine @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @alaufeyson @raidens-realm @tatted-trina6 @defenderrosetyler @cluz1babe @maliburenee @classyunknownlover

#spnabobingo #omega!sam #alpha!dean #omega!reader #smut fic #dean x reader #dean x sam #angst fic #supernatural fic #supernatural smut #wincest #omegaverse #made for you #series #please read warnings #writethelifeyouwant

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azuisreading · 1 year

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The School for Good and Evil: The Last Ever After by Soman Chainani

In the epic next chapter of Soman Chainani’s New York Times bestselling series, The School for Good and Evil, everything old is new again as Sophie and Agatha fight the past as well as the present to find the perfect end to their story. As A World Without Princes closed, the end was written and former best friends Sophie and Agatha went their separate ways. Agatha was whisked back to Gavaldon with Tedros and Sophie stayed behind with the beautiful young School Master. But as they settle into their new lives, their story begs to be re-written, and this time, theirs isn’t the only one. With the girls apart, Evil has taken over and the villains of the past have come back to change their tales and turn the world of Good and Evil upside down.

Review

It is, the climax. And the end, too. Finally. Though it wasn’t a bad journey for me.

It has been a time since the moment I finished reading the book and the moment I’m writing the review, so it won’t be as fresh as it would have been then. But I kind of liked it. Kind of because it was pretty hurtful for a girl feeling identified with the lot of emotions shown there, especially Agatha’s. For when she thought she was right. And for when she noticed she was wrong. I felt like Sophie too, when she was desperately looking for someone that loved her. So it was painful.

But it also showed me that I was right to think that one of the things this story was teaching me was to be true to myself. They weren’t and that’s why everything happened (uhm, Tedros was truer to someone else than himself, but I liked that, he was soft and cute and open and loyal to the person he loved, trusting them a lot more than himself, and for that I forgive him). Also because they don’t communicate, I really don’t understand! You’re honest and open from the start and you save a lot of that. It was maddening, a bit, but that’s how that story is.

At least it had a happy ending for everyone, but the villain. Well, the Big Bad Villain and his league, because it has lots of villains and not all of them deserved bad. I like happy endings. Though honestly I didn’t expected the book to finish right were it did, thinking that it would show us some of what it talked a lot during the three journeys, but that’s okay. I can be content with it.

Even when my friend didn’t read it with me this time, she didn’t even start it at all.

Phrases that I liked so much that I marked them while reading

«“It doesn’t matter if they don’t call it love. We know it is, just as we know the thorns are as much a part of the rose as te petals.”» — The Master and the Queen.

«“You must trust your story, Sophie. It has come to The End for a reason.”» — The Master and the Queen.

«“Worrying doesn’t solve problems.”» — The New or the Old.

«“You can’t plan your story any more than you can plan who you’re going to fall in love with.”» — The New or the Old.

«“We’ll know what to do when the time comes.”» — The New or the Old.

«[…] you didn’t need a hundred true loves to find Ever After… you just needed one.» — The New or the Old.

«[…] that her mother had given her nothing to come home to ever again.» — Death at an Execution.

«Her mother had died to set her free.» — Death at an Execution.

«“I thought the princes killed you!” Agatha cried. “Hester said Dean Sader left you to die in the Woods. We all thought you were dead--” “A professor of Animal Communication unable to survive in the Woods? Even your mother had more faith in me and we’ve never met.”» — A Princess Returns.

«Once upon a time, she and Sophie had slain a deadly villain who’d torn them apart. Now her best friend had given her heart to that villain.» — A Princess Return.

«Sophie was tensing so much she couldn’t breathe. “That will never happen,” she whispered and her muscles released in his grip. “Didn’t think so,” Rafal whispered back.» — A Forest No Longer Blue.

«What would it be like to love someone forever? Could love even last that long? She thought of Agatha on the lakeshore, vowing to be her friend forever… Tedros on a moonlit bridge, promising to be her prince forever… Agatha and Tedros kissing, swearing to each other… “Forever…” Only Forever never seemed to last.» — A Forest No Longer Blue.

«“It doesn’t matter what you think you want. It only matters what’s truly inside you.”» — A Forest No Longer Blue.

«Sophie hurried to catch up, reminding herself that she’d finally found love, real love, and it was worth anything she had to do to keep it.» — A Forest No Longer Blue.

Evil Is the New Good.

«“Once happiness is gone between two people, I don’t think it ever comes back.”» — When Good Rescues Go Bad.

«Death had been rare to her before last night and now it followed her like a shroud. What was it like to be alive one moment and then be gone the next? What happens to all your thoughts, your fears, your dreams? What happens to all the love you’ve yet to give?» — The Worst Evers ever.

«“First they get mad at me for lying. Now they get mad at me for telling the truth.”» — The Missing Thirteenth.

«“I’ve already killed you and kissed you more times in my head than you deserve.” Sophie stared at him. Hort sighed, flicking the water. “But I learned my lesson. No one wants Old Hort. So meet New Hort instead. Modeled right after your cool, manly prince. The Hort chicks dig.” “But that Hort isn’t real at all,” said Sophie, frowning. “That Hort isn’t you.” “Well, whoever it is…” Hort raised his gaze. “Finally got your attention, didn’t he?” Sophie fell silent.» — Too Many Boys.

«“The Storian, after all, sustains our world through balance. It is the first lesson taught at every Welcoming. The sun rises on the Woods only as long as the pen preserves that balance, correcting any inequity through each new story. Which meant, of course, that for the Storian to make Good win in every new tale… it must be correcting for something terribly Evil indeed.”» — Where Wizards Go to Think.

«“Besides, it’s too early in the morning for goodbyes.”» — The Magician’s Plan.

«Agatha waited for her prince to look down and check on her as he pulled over the ridge to the top, but he never did.» — The Magician’s Plan.

«“I took Aric’s knife to protect your princess. To protect your true love, Tedros. Now it’s your turn to prove what you’re made of.”» — Missions Impossible.

«“What happened to ‘I’ll know what to do when the times comes?’” she asked. “I know what to do when I’m with you.”» — Missions Impossible.

«“Here you are worried that I’ll leave when I see your real self… when that’s the part of you that lets me stay.”» — Missions Impossible.

«“What he doesn’t understand is that a coven is a coven and we protect each other to the death.”» — Tedros in the Sky with Chocolate.

«Maybe she doubted herself. But she didn’t doubt Merlin.» — Old School Reunions.

«“You said I was the one who brought you two back together. Which means you two had broken apart. Which means you two aren’t particularly happy if it takes a third person to fix your love.”» — Last Stop on the Fairy Dust Express.

«He was lying. Tedros was lying. The prince bound to his promises, bound to the truth, was lying for her.» — Last Stop on the Fairy Dust Express.

«Right then and there, in a moment where Agatha had accused Tedros of doubting their future, only to see he was, in fact, rock solid… it was she who suddenly had the doubts.» — Last Stop on the Fairy Dust Express.

«For all their fights and failings, her prince still trusted her more than he trusted himself. Agatha’s heart melted. In this single, terrible moment, she loved him more than ever before.» — Peer Pressure.

«How could she fight for something her heart didn’t even want?» — Peer Pressure.

«And because Sophie knew that deep, deep down, in the pit of her soul, Agatha was Good. And when put to the test, Agatha would sacrifice everything to stay true to that Good.» — Peer Pressure.

«She couldn’t dare waver. It was like a bandage. She had to commit to the pain and rip it off.» — Everything Old Is New Again.

«“Agatha, this is two days in the toughest part of the Woods, with villains on the loose and sleeping in close quarters and protecting each other from whatever we might face-- I’m your prince and I’m not letting you out of my sight. We need to be together--”» — Everything Old Is New Again.

«Suddenly Agatha felt like the old Agatha: the Agatha who’d studied spellbooks and fed Sophie lines as a cockroach and moved mountains to get Tedros to kiss her best friend and send them home. But her plans had failed then and it would fail now, if the new Sophie acted anything like the old Sophie. Because Tedros wouldn’t kiss that Sophie, then or now.» — Everything Old Is New Again.

«“Once upon a time, those same heroes were trained in a Blue Forest, just like you. The only difference is they made it to graduation without the world ending.”» — Everything Old Is New Again.

«But because in the four hours since she’d left her prince and friend to their own story, his wise, young Agatha hadn’t looked back once.» — Everything Old Is New Again.

«Even with all of Good in peril, no one in their right mind would willingly sacrifice their true love- Agatha would, thought Sophie. Agatha would do whatever it took to save Good.» — Two Queens.

«And she would only have herself.» — Who Do You Belong With?

«Because somewhere along the way she’d stopped trusting herself too.» — Who Do You Belong With?

«“I’m just a girl struggling to be ordinary.”» — Who Do You Belong With?

«“At least I’m willing to fight for my happy ending. You’re giving away your true love to someone he doesn’t belong with and expecting him to live with it forever! Tell yourself all you want that you’re not good enough for him, Agatha. Tell yourself you’re doing it to save Good. Tell yourself any excuse that lets you sleep at night. But we both know you’re just too afraid to fight for the person you belong with. And you know what, princess? Even if I hate the boy to his bones, that doesn’t sound Good to me at all.”» — Who Do You Belong With?

«Agatha had been riding a horse named Benedict, which she’d chosen for his scrawny legs, rumpled black coat, and hacking cough. “Goodness, Aggie, don’t you read storybooks?” Sophie said after Guinevere had opened the stable of riding horses that first day. “Black horses are untrainable, untamable, and mean. Besides, he sounds like he’s on death’s door. What in the world possessed you to pick him?” “Reminded me of myself.” Agatha said, rubbing his neck and finding a handful of fleas.» — The Scorpion and the Frog.

«Still, day after day, Sophie refused to switch Nellie Mae, as if admitting her poor taste in horses would somehow invalidate all her life choices.» — The Scorpion and the Frog.

«“Sometimes there’s more to the story than you. You can’t pick everything at first sight, just because it looks good, and then force it to be with you. Relationships are more complicated than that. You can’t control the story from both sides.”» — The Scorpion and the Frog.

«For the reason she’d known what was missing in Tedros’ kiss is because she’d already felt it once with someone else. Someone who loved her for what she truly was. Someone she’d been too scared to love back.» — The Scorpion and the Frog.

«Alone in candlelight, she closed her eyes and made a wish… For a prince… a castle… a crown… Evil this time, instead of Good.» — The Scorpion and the Frog.

«And if she’d just embraced that fact instead of denied it, if she’d just loved herself the way she was, she would have saved herself a world of pain.» — In Darkness Comes a Queen.

«Right then and there, Agatha knew why she couldn’t have an ordinary life. She was never meant for one.» — In Darkness Comes a Queen.

«“But you are my queen. No one but you. And I like seeing you wear it. Because as long as you do, I know you still love me. And given our history of miscommunication, physical clues are helpful.” Agatha snorted. “This is where you tell me how I can show my love,” Tedros prodded.» — Rebel Hearts.

«“You asked me for a way to show your love,” said Agatha. “I didn’t know it had limits.”» — Rebel Hearts.

«“Try to erase Good and you only tilt the balance more in Good’s favor.”» — Spies in the Stymph Forest.

«“But Callis, who only saw beauty in the girl Vanessa threw away, kept the child for herself. She named her Agatha, which meant ‘Soul of Good.’ Finally, after so many years of loneliness, Callis of Netherwood had found her one true love.”» — An Unexpected History Lesson.

«“But sometimes to keep Evil from getting in, you have to let Good out.”» — Never Ever After.

#the school for good and evil #the last ever after #soman chainani #book review #review #booklover #book blog #reading

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scripted-downfall · 1 year

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So I’ve just started watching Supernatural season 11 and I’m about twenty minutes into episode two and I was wondering your take on Sam here. I just passed him praying acknowledging that he is the reason that a lot of people are dying. But he’s also stated, in the previous episode, that he’d do it again in a heartbeat. So I guess I was wondering your thoughts on this? And if you feel like the actions differ from previous ones in that Sam is willing to sacrifice potentially thousands of people just so he doesn’t have to lose Dean. In the past they’ve been willing to sacrifice themselves or hurt demons, but even with saying no to the archangels it was in part to stop a larger amount of casualties. Also I was curious to your opinion on the “cure” angle which felt to me as a way to be like ‘see sam isn’t a bad guy sure he caused this but he doesn’t want to hurt anyone else he wants to help’ even though be doing that more people potentially get infected and die in the process.

Hello, and thanks for the ask! (And idk if you've been here before or not, but welcome regardless!)

The delay in response is largely because I went back and skimmed through the transcripts for episodes 1 and 2 of the season, as well as past conversation with friends, to see what I said then and remember my opinion on this... and damn but I remember all this now and I thank you for the opportunity to respond! I'll probably address your points slightly out of order, if that's okay! (And apologies in advance; this turned out longer than I thought... here's a keep reading :) )

First, re. my general opinions about Sam in these episodes. This section pissed me off when I first watched it. (For reference, I wasn't live-reacting to the show; instead, I would watch the show, then go to Discord and rant at @typicalopposite about all the things that --- positively or negatively --- stuck with me. And ranting about s11 eps 1 and 2 took at least half an hour without her responding, more so if you add in her responses.) Warning for spoilers to the end of episode two; it's been way more than 20 minutes since this ask, so I'm hoping that's not a problem!

For one thing, he ticked me off with his dumb talk about "when did we change, Dean? Since when do we shoot first, ask questions later" with all the zombie apocalypse level shit going down. In zombie film archetypes, he's totally the annoying pacifist who views zombies as people too and then gets people killed as a result. AND hides his injury to the point that he starts turning and could, in theory, end up infecting someone. Yeah, it ends/ended up working out here, but that doesn't make it good logic/decision making, and, in a supernatural contagion like the one they were facing, they should not have tried for the luxury of a cure. Indeed, Sam probably got way more people killed in the meantime than he actually saved. And I'm not sure what he meant by, "I'm gonna do what I do best, Dean," but, whatever was actually meant, I find it immensely amusing that the line was followed by Sam drinking monster blood and then lying about it to his brother. Yes, I recognize that this was not the same as the Ruby situation, but the (probably accidental) implication is interesting.

It also pissed me off that they keep running with this idea of "we broke this." Like, no, false, full-stop, we did not break this. Dean repeatedly said he didn't want you do to what you were doing. NOWHERE did he say he wanted it to happen. He was actually taking steps to not break the whole thing. The only culpability Dean has in the MOC not being dealt with without releasing Amara is that he took that swing at Death (and that only happened because he couldn't kill Sam, or let Death kill Sam). But that wasn't even what removed the Mark? Rowena et al. working behind the scenes is what removed the Mark. And she was working under Sam's... idk, request? threat? supervision? Fill-in-the-blank, you know what I mean. "We" did not break anything; Sam broke the thing.

Which brings me to your point about Sam acknowledging that he's the reason people are dying but also being willing to do it again, and about his actions differing from the past... I'm honestly not fully sure.

In some ways, his insistence on removing the Mark (and staying to find a cure) is in-character. He's often depicted--- though not always (cough cough: Benny, Emma, the other characters he inexplicably decided weren't human enough to receive the same repeated chances he gave everyone else) --- as believing in nurture over nature. Just being a supernatural isn't the same as being automatically evil. And, if he stuck to that, it'd, frankly, be an admirable stance to take. (But, again, he doesn't stick to it --- especially whenever a non-human character is getting mutually close to his brother.) And, in this case, he refused to believe that Dean was ever "too far gone" to be cured, so... that tracks.

It also bears mentioning... Sam has a habit of taking action because he feels guilty, and that guilt leading him to not consider the consequences. Take post-s3-finale-through-s4, for example: Dean's gone, and he feels guilty about it, so he takes on his ill-advised-and-poorly-handled attack against Lilith, which ends up starting the apocalypse. (And let it be known that, for all I'm a Sam anti, I do recognize that he wasn't wrong in going after Lilith. He, Dean, Bobby, etc; they all thought that killing Lilith was the way to go. My problem with him is a) how he did it and b) how he treated his brother throughout the entire arc. Not the action. However, it's still an example of his guilt driving him into something that caused a lot of people harm.) So, in that sense, getting rid of the Mark continues tobe pretty in character. I don't know if it started out normal or not. (e.g. I could see that Sam felt guilty about the fact that Dean took on the MOC because he was cruising along in his, frankly, vaguely suicidal mindset after Sam cut him off, but I'm not sure I remember the scenes well enough to know if Sam's intent focus on finding a way to take off the Mark stems from that guilt, or idealism, or codependency.) Regardless, after Charlie, curing the MOC becomes less about curing the Mark and more about him working off the guilt about her death.

And, stemming off of that, this is another instance of him telling himself that he's doing something for his brother when he's really not. s4: he goes on a revenge quest to take down Lilith "for Dean" despite Dean coming back, being right there, and asking him not to. s10, pre-Charlie: he decides to take off the Mark even after Dean says he doesn't want him to do so. (I admit that this is an iffier situation because, like with Sam's Gadreel thing, there's the question of whether MOC!Dean has medical authority over non-MOC!Dean... but still.) s10, post-Charlie: he continues trying to take off the Mark despite Dean very explicitly and without any qualifications saying he doesn't want him to. Etc.

So, on the one hand, Sam's actions regarding the Mark --- and his actions regarding the zombie-virus-adjacent cure --- are kinda in-line with past behavior.

The line you isolated about how he'd "do it again in a heartbeat" (or whatever the actual quote was), however, is unusual. Usually, Sam spends the aftermath of a plan going wrong angsting about how much damage it did, with 0 ostensible willingness to do it again. No matter how committed he was to that path ahead of time, and no matter how many times he follows that same path (with different specifics) again later, he at least claimed that his guilt was so powerful that he'd never act similarly, he'd changed, etc. After the s4 finale, for an example, he apologizes more-or-less nonstop for some of it, etc. This time, though, he's blatantly saying that he'd do it again. And, for all he feels guilty, he's, for once, recognizing that he doesn't feel guilty enough to not do it again, and he's coming to terms with what that means. That feels different from his character in the past.

And, secondarily, the difference between this action and his past actions is that they knew removing the Mark would cause problems. With Lilith? Like I said, they didn't know it would cause problems. It's not really a surprise that he didn't stop because they thought it was the right course of action, and he always thinks he knows the best way to go. With the archangels, saying yes was a clear path to death and destruction, so it's, again, not really a surprise they both said no.

But here? (And, btw, I've made a previous post comparing the MOC situation to the Gadreel situation --- basically arguing that Dean gets vilified for Gadreel while Sam gets away with MOC no problem, called Actions of the Greater Greater Good, if you wanna check it out --- and I'm borrowing some of the wording here.) Good, bad, and neutral characters alike had warned them against taking off the Mark; these include but are not limited to: Cas, Rowena, Crowley, kinda Charlie, the Book of the Damned itself, Dean (through the Mark), the Styne family, eventually even Death itself. Sam also had to work with Rowena (clearly suspect with bad motives at that point) and drive off a high-powered ally (Crowley) in the process, while working with a book tied to dark forces. And so on. There was no "whoa, however could we have known that this was going to cause wide-scale problems", or, at least, there shouldn't have been. Sam knew what the costs could be and went on anyway.

That's the real character shift. He's actively taking on the consequences --- and potentially harming multitudes as a result --- instead of accidentally stumbling into it. So, yes, I do think his actions here are vaguely out of character; not in the fact that he did what he did, but that he did what he did knowing what could happen as a result.

Which is --- to attend to your final point about the cure, and to borrow your wording --- why I agree with you about it's a way to say "see sam isn’t a bad guy sure he caused this but he doesn’t want to hurt anyone else he wants to help." He's doing the whole try-to-do-something-good-to-counteract-his-guilt thing, and it's once again quite possibly causing problems (since we've no clue how many people he actually saved, and how many people died because he was obsessed with the cure instead of saving people who hadn't been infected at all). It's annoying and naive, in my opinion, and it did not exactly endear me to his character.

I hope that was a vaguely coherent way of answering the ask... I've been rambling with my computer keys for so long that I'm not sure it makes any sense whatsoever, but I'm hoping it does... I'd love to hear back from you if you happen to have a response, but no pressure; all the best!

#answered asks #scripted downfall asks answered #i always come when you call (sd)#anti sam #anti sam winchester #sam stans dni #jared stans dni #i do not want another damn war on my hands so just... leave

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self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2 · 2 years

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Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 01x22

Devil’s Trap

“Was this song really the intro song they used?” Talking about the music licenses

“Why does Dean act so torn up about it? Dean already knows he’s on a death-wish, and dying comes with the territory. I know it’s Dad but come on.” “Probably.” “Awww. Are we going to get Bobby?” “haha” to Bobby saying John has that affect on people

“Isn’t Robert Singer actually the writer? Oh, he’s just a character name?” “They can’t say shit on TV?” “Really Dean? You didn’t have the Holy Water open? I know she caught you off-guard but you could have thrown the water at her” “Didn’t she already make a bondage joke before?” “Isn’t the girl already dead though? You dropped her off a building? Do they know that yet, or do we learn that now?” “Why can’t they cap her with the gun? Or do they want to save it for the Big Guy? I guess they don’t have a million bullets either” “Their latin readings amuse me. Not like I could do any better” “Why does Sam need so much convincing? Aren’t we trying to kill the Big Demon? I don’t understand why Bobby is so worried, too. I mean, the girl will probably die or she’s forever possessed. I guess I don’t understand” “Maybe you don’t want to move her? First Aid 101 here” “Why do all these bad people have such bad timing? Goddammit. If only you could have lived for just one more second” “You better beat it” “Do they have 2 spotlights on Baby? Do they ever use them?” “Why wouldn’t you put the Devil’s Trap on the inside?” “That worked out real well for you didn’t it?” “This family has a real problem with the self-sacrificial bullshit” “They could use disguises” “Still with the fkn weird jacket, Sam” “What a shitty haircut, too. It’s all greased down today” “kinky demon shit. They’re not even using chains; they’re using sexy time straps” I wonder what else Dean never told Sam.

“Nice. It’s a pressure washer but without the excess pressure. Is that something firefighters actually use? Some of that looks real. Some of that looks Hollywood. I just don’t know.”

“Why all the drama with the Holy Water?” “Isn’t John actually possessed though? They shoot his ass in a house somewhere later in the episode?” “It’s one way to the do the demon thing” “a shitty ass deadbolt” “the salt didn’t actually trap the demons so why do it?” “down to 2” Dean just shot a guy in broad daylight

“What bugs eat salt? Do any of them?” “Dean always has big dilemmas” “Isn’t that how they figure out that John is possessed, because John would actually be pissed?” “pull the trigger bitch. Man you’d solve so many problems If you just did that” “First, we’d get rid of John Winchester. Second, we’d get rid of this demon.” 🎶shoulda pulled the fkn trigger bitch🎶

“He could just use the 2 last bullets now” “John as the Yellow Eyed Demon is way more compelling than just John” “Sweet. That looks kinda like wax. Maybe not?” “He didn’t actually kill the demon, right?” “Doesn’t John get all pissed off and hate on Sam for not killing him?” “The demon smoke cgi is slightly off, because it doesn’t completely match up with the floor board cracks” “Sam doesn’t like John anyway; he should have killed him” “fkn jumpscare bullshit. I didn’t jump but you sure did” Yeah fuck you spouse you jumped

“I feel like the music was different even from the last time we watched it” “oh yeah dean goes in the hospital now”

#beautifulspouserewatchesspn #supernatural #supernatural s1 #supernatural rewatch

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hahahahahangst · 9 months

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Devil’s work (Be The Young 38)

TW: [suicidal thoughts, self h*rm, violence, s*xual assault]

Other tags: [sister fic, canon-level violence, dean is an asshole, angst]

All chapter titles are song titles, some of them translated from Italian songs. We start from the first season and make out way through the series. I will occasionally break canon✨ .

Summary: Emily Reed, born and raised in Portland, is preparing her admission papers for Stanford, medical school. Little does she know, her life is about to change forever.

"After reading this whole letter, call John Winchester. [...] He’s your real father."

A/N: I swear to god dean has the iq of a peanut

MASTERLIST

Devil’s work

Isn't it sad the way it works That we think we're the only ones who hurt? So just breathe for a second I know you're feeling so damn helpless

“You have no idea how it was, being in there.” She cried, sitting on the couch in Bobby’s living room. “He was hallucinating, Dean. He was being tortured and then- He thought I was your mother and he-” She took a deep breath. “He kept crying and saying that he had let everybody down, I didn’t know how to stop it.” “There’s nothing you could have done.” She stood up. “Yes, but Dean… I called you. I screamed for you to come back, to make him stop, and you-” “I get it, you’re mad.” “MAD?” She yelled. “It was like hell all over again! I CALLED YOUR FUCKING NAME, DEAN WINCHESTER! I CRIED FOR YOU AND ONCE AGAIN, YOU IGNORED ME! YOU DID WHAT WAS EASIER!” ”...alright-” “NOT - ALRIGHT“ She screamed, tears falling down her face. “YOU KEEP BREAKING ME DEAN! OVER AND OVER!” She pushed him towards the iron walls. “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! SAM IS DYING, AGAIN, AND WE ARE HERE, FIGHTING, AGAIN!” “Emily-” “No, just say it- nothing changed. We’re still the same two bastards that almost killed each other back then.” “You know that’s not true!” “THEN PROVE IT!” She threw some books off a table. “Don’t stand there looking at me, DO SOMETHING!” Dean lept towards her and she expected him to punch her. She closed her eyes and braced for it, ready to strike back. But instead, she felt Dean’s arms wrap around her. She opened her eyes, surprised, and slid away. “Dean, don’t- Don’t, okay?” She said, uncomfortably folding her arms. “Wh-”

Emily heard the faint voice of Sam talking to himself in the panic room. “We’re killing him, Dean.” She fell back on the couch. “Going cold turkey isn’t working.” “Emily, we aren’t giving him demon blood.” “Dean, he-” “I KNOW!” He raised his voice. “I know, he’s going to die. But at least- At least he’d die human.” Emily exhaled. “Dean, these hallucinations he’s having… They feel real to him. He’s really suffering, you know?” “Yeah.” “Doesn’t it make you want to go down there and help him?” “How? There’s nothing I can do.” “Did you even try looking?” “I did.” “Or did you just go with the most self-destructive solution?” “We’ve already had this conversation, Emily.” “Yeah, and it ended up with me kicking the hell out of you, opening the gates of hell and triggering a domino effect that brough to me calling it quits.” She said, cold. “We need to do something. Our powers won’t work if we are in a devil’s trap, but I can try and talk to him telepathically if we are both out. Maybe we can-” “No, stop- I’m not taking him out of the panic room. It’s too dangerous.” “I can overpower him, it won’t be a problem.” Dean seemed to think it over. “Dean, the other choice is letting him die alone in that room.” “Okay. I’ll let you try- but the second I see you can’t control him, I throw him back in the panic room and we do it my way.” “You won’t have the chance.” Said Bobby, coming into the room hurriedly. “Sam is gone.” “What- How?” Asked Emily. “I don’t know. All devil’s traps are busted.” “Well, it’s not important, we need to find him.” Said Dean. “And let me tell you one thing. I hope he’s with Ruby.” “Why?” Asked Bobby. “'Cause killing her's the next big item on my to-do list.” “Finally!” Groaned Emily. “I’ve been waiting months to send that whore back to hell.” “Let’s get to work, Sam can’t hide forever.”

As they worked through the stolen cars to locate Sam, Emily took on the tasks he would usually do when they researched. She managed barely to enter the police databases and cursed Sam for teaching her how to exorcize but not how to hack a database. “There.” Said Dean, stopping her from scrolling any longer. “That’s the one.” “An Escalade with custom rims?” Asked Emily. “That’s like going around with a neon sign!” “Sam would never take that, right?” Asked Dean. “Well, he might call you his best friend, but I’m his brother. Trust me, that’s exactly what he did.” “Weird flex.” Giggled Emily. “But okay, I trust you. Let’s go.” She took her jacket and they rushed out the door.

They drove for two hours in complete silence before Bobby called Emily. “Cops found the Escalade outside Elk River.” He announced. “Right, how far are we?” “A couple of hours. There’s a town not from that- Cold Spring. Filled with demon signs.” “Thanks Bobby.” Emily hung up. She turned to Dean. “Cold Springs. Two hours away.” The car started going faster. “Dean, listen-” Sighed Emily. “When we find Sam, you let me do the talking, okay? We need to bring him back, not push him away.” “Okay.” He exhaled. “You trusted me on the car, I’ll trust you on this.” He nodded.

They scanned all the motels around. Dean pointed the one he thought Sam would have been hiding in. “We go in, kill Ruby, bring back Sam.” He instructed.

Soon, they were hiding in the adjacent room, watching Sam leave. As soon as he was out the main door, Dean and Emily snuck out of their room and entered Sam’s. When Emily opened the door, Ruby was frantically making her bag, clearly about to go. “Housekeeping.” Said Emily, as serious and cold as possible. The second Ruby noticed her, Emily used her powers to have the demon fly against the wall. Dean approached her with his knife, but something hit Emily in the back of her head, making her lose concentration. Ruby fell on the ground and fought Dean back. Emily didn’t regain balance in time and Sam had already gone through the room and separated Dean from the demon. “Just take it easy.” He said. Emily checked his entire figure. He was fine. He was not hallucinating, he was not suffering. “You did it again?!” She asked, outraged. “What’s wrong with you?!” “Look, I’m glad you guys are here. Let’s talk-” “No, enough talking. She’s dead.” Emily pointed at Ruby. Sam shielded her with his body. She quickly left through the door. “Come on- really?!” “What’s going on with you? Can’t you see what she’s doing?!” Asked Dean. “It’s not what it looks like.” Said Sam, weirdly too calm for the situation. “I can’t believe you-” “Emily, I thought you were going to-” Dean interrupted Emily. “What, be nice? Have some comforting wittle words for wittle wittle Sammy? Sorry, I’m done being nice.” She scowled at Dean before she returned to Sam. “Sam, Ruby is poisoning you. Literally.” “That’s not true.” “She’s drugging you and then leaving you looking for another hit!” She stated. “That’s poisoning.” “SHE WAS LOOKING FOR LILITH!” “AND YOU BELIEVE HER? YOU BELIEVE HER BUT NOT ME?” Sam sighed, not answering. “Can’t you see she’s manipulating you into taking distances from your family! Nothing of what she says is real, Sam.” “You’re wrong!” “I’m not-” Emily groaned, frustrated. “Sam, we’re trying to help you here. Please, come back with us.” “No, listen- We’ve got a lead on a demon close to Lilith. If you come with us, we can get to her. This can be all over.” “You think this is a real lead?” “I’m sure.” “Right.” Emily glared at Dean, who had, just like she requested, stayed out of it. “But Ruby’s not coming. We go us three.” Sam thought for a second. “I can’t.” “I beg your pardon?” Asked Emily. “Sam, I’m giving you a choice here. It’s us…“ She glared at Dean again. He lightly nodded. ”...or her.” “You can’t ask me this, I need her help to kill Lilith.” Emily turned around. She closed her eyes and took a big breath, trying not to cry. It was not the time for that. “I'm the only one who can do this, Emily. You know.” “Why, because she told you so? Then why-” A sob escaped from her lips. She stopped, trying to steady her breathing. “Then why did she teach me as well?” Emily looked at Dean. He took a step towards Sam and talked. “And why would the angels say that I’m the one supposed to stop it? Can’t you see? Something doesn’t add up.” “You can't. You're not strong enough.” “And who the hell are you-” “I'm being practical here.” Sam sighed. “I'm doing what needs to be done.” Emily was still turned the other way. She closed her eyes. “Yeah? You're not gonna do a single damn thing.” Said Dean. “Stop bossing me around, Dean!” Sam raised his voice. “Look. My whole life, you take the wheel, you call the shots, and I trust you because you are my brother. Now I'm asking you, for once, trust me.” Dean waited a while before answering. “No. You don't know what you're doing, Sam.” “Yes, I do.” Emily dried her face and face back to Sam, starting to feel angry. “Then that's worse.” Said Dean. From his tone, Emily could tell he was also upset. “Why? Look, I'm telling you-” “Because it's not something that you're doing, it's what you are! It means-” “DEAN!” Emily cut him off. “Don’t.” She warned. “What? No. Let him say it.” Sam started crying. “It means you're a monster.” Dean’s voice sounded like a bomb in the neighborhood. Way too loud, way too clear, way too close. For a second, everybody stood still. Tears were streaming down their faces. Emily, upset, was just about to answer, but Sam punched Dean, who fell on the ground. Emily ran to divide them, but Sam was too strong and too pumped for her to lift him off Dean’s body. Emily tried to unsuccessfully stop the fight for a good minute before resorting to her powers. With a gesture, Emily tried having Sam move away from Dean, but he resisted. Surprised, Emily tried again. The second time, Sam was not prepared and his body flew against the thin motel walls. “You want to fight?” Said Emily, walking towards her. “You better do it against someone your size.” She punched him. His powers overcame hers and a book flew to hit her head. Disoriented, Sam had time to punch her, but she was soon back up. “Sam, just come home with us. It doesn’t have to be this way.” She said. Sam looked at her and started walking towards the door. “Sam.” She warned. “You walk out, you’re choosing Ruby. You’re not gonna get a second chance.” He left the room, and Emily tried to run after him. “YOU FUCKING RUINED EVERYTHING!” She screamed to the empty hall.

#be the young

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spoilertv · 11 months

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#SpoilerTV

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bijoharvelle · 2 years

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(sorry that i think cas was at his hottest in season 4. as if it's my fault.) inspired by my own tags on this gifset from @gentlemancowboy like a month ago

Dean is faking sleep – Sammy only just knocked off, tossing and turning and muttering on Bobby’s couch that he outgrew more than ten years ago – when Castiel fizzles into existence. Hell is still screaming through his head and for a minute he can’t tell the difference between the soft black of the back of his eyelids and the cold void of hellfire.

The sound of wings, though, is familiar. The sound of Castiel coming is familiar, like some distant memory tucked away in his time below.

His heart is going triple-time in the cage of his chest and the rapid pulse roils through shame and guilt and hurt, like it’s still trying to pound out of Victor’s ice grip. There’s a roaring in his ears that maybe sounds like Viktor’s scream so he can’t be sure of what he says to the angel (if that's what this even is). He just knows that it’s snatchy and prickly because he doesn’t know how to be anything else in this situation. Every time he blinks he sees the bodies of people he let die: hunters, civilians, people just doing their jobs, innocent bystanders. Witnesses.

He comes back to himself when the angel in front of him tosses his hands up in defeat. It’s something, to annoy a celestial being into petulance, but Dean figures that’s Castiel’s fault. He’s the one who groped him out of Hell after all. Dean is his problem, now.

Castiel moves in closer and Dean is reminded of big cats in the wild, stalking in on cornered prey. Fever rises in him, a contrast against the high-whine of desperation that has been flooding his system since Victor reached for his heart, since Meg put the beat-down on him, since he crawled out of his own grave.

“You should show me some respect,” Castiel rasps out and Dean’s breathing catches in his throat. The angel is close enough that Dean can smell the off-center scent coming off him, something like metal melting and the milk of dandelion. He’s close enough that Dean can tell he isn’t breathing, doesn’t need to breathe.

“I dragged you out of Hell,” the angel says, voice whip-tight and Dean hears himself in it, an echo of Dean’s regret and guilt borne in Castiel’s admittance that six of his brothers were killed. “I can throw you back in.”

It’s a threat but Dean’s wiring has always been more than a little crossed, so he’s not surprised that it makes heat surge through his chest and straight down to his dick.

“Should maybe make it worthwhile then, huh?” Dean says, and he means it to be cocky and smug and flirtatious but it comes out reed-thin and needy. Before he can do anything to save face, he’s on his knees, eyes bowed up to look at the angel above him.

Castiel’s face is blank, calculating. Dean can practically see him flipping through a rolodex of human behavior, trying to place just what Dean is doing. His head cocks to the side, just the slightest bit and Dean’s eyes track along the dark shock of hair along his head. He wants to twist his fingers in it.

Instead, he gets one hand around Castiel’s hip and presses his face full into the guy’s crotch. And maybe Castiel doesn’t have to breathe, but there’s a long pull of inhale from the angel and Dean smiles to himself at that.

“What–”

“Shh,” Dean hushes, purposefully letting a hot stream of his breath run along Castiel’s leg. The angel obeys and Dean nuzzles between his legs.

And it’s familiar. It’s easy, Dean knows this. He knows bodies and pleasure, understands the simplicity of the role before him. For a minute, the wild chaos of torture in his head dulls and he can almost hear himself think. It takes him a minute to realize that Castiel has one hand resting atop his head, gentle and tentative.

Dean gets his tongue around the ugly-ass fabric of Castiel’s ugly-ass slacks and clamps his teeth on the zipper of the fly. Sharp metal pricks his tongue and Castiel’s hand goes a little heavier in his hair.

“You’re shaking,” Castiel says. It’s quiet, but in the hush of the night around them, Dean takes it like gunshot. He doesn’t answer, just looks up at Castiel through his lashes and tugs the zipper down. Reaching up one hand to pop the button, he realizes that Castiel is right. He’s shaking. He swallows past it and coasts his hand under the white dress shirt, skin skipping along skin.

“You’re shaking,” Castiel says again, even softer this time. Dean’s arm is stretched, hand splayed over where Castiel’s heart would be if angels had hearts, and his mouth is open against the boxers that the angel is wearing and in any other life he might laugh at that: angels wear boxers. There isn’t any room for revelation in his head, though, he’s still busy trying to rush through the sudden quiet in his mind.

He hasn’t been alone in his thoughts in forty years or two weeks. It’s all been a twisted havoc of Alastair’s hissing voice and the wretched cries he wrenched from souls and taunts from other demons. It’s all been a jumble of all the ways he was never good enough in life and how that was proved true when he finally climbed down off the Rack. It’s all been an endless parade of self-hate, guilt, shame, terror.

And so part of him is chanting in the background that he doesn’t deserve this, doesn’t deserve this quiet, this relief, but soon enough that too is soothed back. Until all he can focus in on is the pressure of Castiel’s hand on the crown of his head and the heat of Castiel’s cock under his tongue.

The angel is ramrod still, every muscle tuned taut to almost snapping and Dean wants more than anything to make him break. Dean wants more than anything to feel those fingers clench in his hair, those hips thrust against his chin. He wants to find out whether angels come and if they do, fuck, he wants to taste it.

He realizes that his knees and back aren’t aching the way they should be, the way they usually do, and he lilts his eyes up. That’s when he finds that Castiel is watching him with such rapt attention that it should be blasphemous. He was pretty sure one of the main commandments from the Big Guy upstairs was taking no other God before him and Castiel is looking at him like he might just turn false idols. Castiel is looking at him and looking at him and it’s enough that for a split second and no more Dean thinks maybe there is something in him worth saving.

He didn’t like the idea of God’s eye narrowing in on him but he doesn’t hate the idea of Castiel’s attention on him, unwavering.

Their eyes are latched and Dean can tell that Castiel is keying up higher and higher and he’s about to break

and Dean wakes up on the floor.

He wakes up on the floor, gasping, and desperately hard, and with a sharp pain around his jaw and lurking in his knees and back. There’s weak sunlight pooling in and the couch is empty, Sam walking around somewhere further in the house.

Dean closes his eyes and he doesn’t see Victor, or Meg, or Randy, or any dead bodies. He just sees the iridescent imprint of blue irises, floating like haloes out of the darkness.

#deancas #deancas fanfiction #destiel #destiel fanfic #deancas fanfic #destiel fanfiction #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #spn #spn fanfic #chayya writes

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norahastuff · 3 years

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penny for your thoughts on salmondean codependency ?

Sure. Fair warning it’s long (was longer but I stopped myself.)

I think it’s complicated in a show that’s had so many different showrunners because they’ve all handled Sam and Dean’s relationship very differently. In Kripke’s era (s1-5) there was a romanticization of the bond. Sure there was a lot of in-depth exploration of how they wound up at the place they were at, spoiler alert: it was all because of John and his obsessive crusade to find the demon that killed his wife. That’s all he cared about and as a result, Sam and Dean had to be everything to each other. But Kripke had no intention of dismantling that at any point because he was (and always had been) writing a tragedy. Gamble continued that too. There was no room for anyone else in their lives and it would always just be the two of them against the world. So Cas had to go. Bobby had to go.

(Actually, it's funny because Gamble didn't intend this at the time, her plan was to kill Cas off, but by Edlund creating the masterpiece that is The Man Who Would Be King, he not only saved Cas from being seen as a villain, but he also deepened Dean and Cas' relationship in such a profound way and inextricably linked the two of them emotionally. And since Cas was eventually brought back, that laid the foundation for a lot of what their relationship would become.)

Up until this point, there hadn’t really been any significant dismantling of perhaps the more unhealthy parts of Sam and Dean’s relationship. Enter Carver. He stripped things down and started to explore what drove these characters. What they wanted and why they couldn’t have it. It starts with Dean being mad at Sam for not looking for him in purgatory, which sets up the whole speech in the s8 finale of Sam’s guilt about letting Dean down, but the thing is, Dean was never honest with Sam about his year away either. He never told Sam he could have gotten out much sooner if he hadn’t stayed to find Cas. I mean Dean had assumed Sam was up there alone doing God knows what to try to bring him back, and yet still he stayed in Purgatory because things were clear there. He needed Cas. Anyway, I just find that interesting, but Cas isn’t a victim of Sam and Dean’s relationship in s8.

Who gets the honour of being cast aside? That would be Benny and Amelia, two characters they introduced in s8 specifically to highlight that Sam and Dean’s relationship doesn’t allow for anyone else to be a significant part of their life. I mean that’s nothing new, we’ve watched that happen many times before. Lisa even said as much to Dean. The thing is this time? It’s framed as a truly sad thing. That moment at the end of 8x10 when Dean has just ended things with Benny and Sam leaves Amelia, and they’re sitting alone drinking beer and watching tv is such a hollow empty moment. This is not what they want. But it’s the way things have to be.

I’m actually fascinated by Sam and Dean’s conversation in the church in the s8 finale. Not so much Dean’s assertion that there is no one else he would put before Sam, but more so what provokes it, which is Sam saying “who are you going to turn to instead of me. Another angel? Another vampire?” See the thing is Dean saying he would always put Sam first is not news. We know this and it’s not really an unhealthy statement in itself either. A lot of people would put their sibling above anything else, not less a sibling who you raised and is the most important person to you. But in this context? After what Sam said? It just highlights how unhealthy they are if Sam believes that Dean having other people in his life means he doesn’t love him enough. That he’s a disappointment to him. That’s so profoundly fucked up.

(Note, Dean tells Sam that he killed Benny for him but he doesn’t say anything about Cas. I think like I said before, this is because Cas and Dean’s relationship has largely existed out of the Sam and Dean stuff up to this point - Sam and Cas don’t even really have much of a relationship yet besides both of their connections to Dean.)

And then from here, things start getting steadily worse. But we also keep being shown how bad they are. Dean lying to Sam, taking away his free will by letting Gadreel possess him. Dean sending Cas away, Kevin dying. It’s all awful. The whole “there ain’t no me if there ain’t no you line” from 9x01 isn’t really said by Dean, it’s Gadreel, but that is how Dean feels. He does think that’s all he’s good for. And over the season we’re shown how much of himself and what he truly wants he’s had to give up because of his ingrained “Save Sammy” and “Sammy comes first” mentality. It’s always been this way for him. In 9x07 we see that he had found a happy home, a good father figure, and his first love, a first love might I add that he had to leave behind with no real explanation because Sam needed him, and Sam comes first.

I mean just one episode earlier we had him rushing out the door elated about seeing Cas and spending time with him, only for their time together to come to sad and melancholic end when Dean once again leaves Cas behind without any real explanation, because despite what he wants Sammy comes first. What he wants doesn’t matter.

See I think after the Gadreel stuff comes out is where the narrative starts to get a little wonky for me. You can clearly see that this was intended to be a shorter story that they ended up stretching out to a much longer one because of renewals. There’s also the fact that this is a formula show so they can’t necessarily be separated for longer than an episode or two. S10 is a rough one to get through at times, I think the themes still mostly hold up but it’s a rough one to get through.

S10 highlights all the connections that Dean has, Cas, Charlie, Crowley even, but Sam doesn’t really have those bonds in the same way. For Sam it’s just Dean, so he goes down a reckless destructive “do anything to save Dean!” path and so many innocents pay the price, and ultimately with the release of The Darkness, the whole world.

They skirted right up to the edge of exploring just how toxic and dangerous their relationship had become in the season 10 finale.

DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A..a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world.

I can’t say evil is the right word, they were never evil, but they were wilfully blind to everything and everyone else when it came to saving each other. S10 tested my love for the show because after watching it, because there was certainly a feeling that the two of them had become the villains of this story. And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have a problem with that, it’s just after 2 seasons of this I can’t say I had a lot of faith that this was going to be properly addressed or if we were going to keep going in circles around it. Keep being shown, it’s bad and then nothing much being done to fix it. Your mileage may vary on how it was handled, but I think s11 did a relatively ok job considering it wasn’t the end of the story, and the show needed to keep going.

See from Dean’s side a lot of the codependency rests on 1. His father’s orders to always save Sammy 2. His low self-esteem where he sees himself as nothing but a blunt instrument. 3. His guilt at not being able to perfectly fulfil every familial role in Sam’s life 4. His belief that no one could choose to love him but family has to love you. 5. The unhealthy example of what it should look like to love someone that he got from John. You give up everything but them.

For Sam (and honestly it’s not as clear for me as Dean’s side is so feel free to correct me/disagree on this) 1. Everytime he’s tried to leave and create his own life it’s never ended well. 2. His guilt over wanting freedom and a normal life when he was younger (I’m referring specifically to Stanford era here) 3. His guilt over everything Dean has given up for him. 4. John. 5. Jess.

Ultimately it all comes down to isolation. They both had to be everything to each other, and the deeper they got into this fight, the more people that they lost, the tighter they clung to this notion of family and brothers. I think s11 (and 11x23 in particular) was an important turning point, both for Sam and Dean’s relationship, as well as for them as individuals. Because they weren’t alone there anymore. Cas was there. Sam let Dean walk to his death. Of course, it would devastate him, but he knew it was what had to be done. And he didn’t walk out of that bar and go back to the bunker alone. He had Cas, he had someone who cared about him and wanted to help him and talk to him. Sure Dean asked Cas to take care of Sam for him (you know after Cas offered to walk to his death with him) but Sam let him. He let him be there for him. We didn’t get to see much before the BMOL showed up and blasted Cas away, but still, we saw enough.

I think that’s a significant difference to note why their relationship was different in the Dabb era. It wasn’t just them anymore. Cas was an important member of their family and given a level of importance he’d never been given before and couldn’t have been when the story they were telling was of the dangers of their codependency. Mary was back. Eventually, Jack would become a part of their unit too. Just the two of them wasn’t enough for them anymore. This is made abundantly clear with all of Dean’s desperate attempts to get Cas to stay in s12, followed by his inability to keep going when they lose Cas and Mary in s13. Similarly, Sam really struggles when they lose Jack and fail to get Mary back later in the season.

Another big moment is Dean letting Sam go alone to lead the hunters against the BMOL in 12x22 while he stays back to try and reach Mary. Like he tells Mary, he’s had to be a brother, a father and a mother to Sam and he never stopped seeing him as his kid, but in that moment he makes a choice. He lets Sam take charge and he shows that he trusts him and believes in him. He knows he can handle it.

Sometimes it’s not even a character growth thing. Sometimes having other people there stops you from making destructive choices even though that’s still your first instinct. I’m thinking specifically of 13x21 after Sam was killed. Dean would have run headlong into that nest of vampires and got himself torn apart, but Cas was there to stop him. He was able to make him see reason.

Basically, I think that for a long time, they thought the only relationship they could have was each other, which then became a self-fulfilling prophecy because their desperate attempts to keep each other around led to them losing the people around them. They eventually started to learn that that wasn’t true, they could have more, they were allowed to want more, and that it wasn’t an either-or situation. Dean didn’t have to choose between Sam and Cas. They didn’t have to choose between each other or Jack. The same goes for Mary. Different relationships can coexist without threatening each other, and not say that their relationship in s12-15 was all smooth sailing, but it was certainly so very different from everything that came before.

(There’s maybe a point to be made about how they didn’t have anyone or anything in the finale and how that relates to the story we got, but honestly I have no idea what the intention was with any of the choices made in that episode so I’ll leave it at that for now.)

#asks #winchester brothers #my spn thoughts #long post for ts #Anonymous #spn meta

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writethelifeyouwant · 2 years

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Made For You | Chapter 19

Series Masterlist

Sam’s POV

Sam feels sick. No– no, actually, he doesn’t. He wants to feel sick. He knows he should feel horrified about everything that’s just happened.

Well, silver lining, Sam thinks bitterly, if the sex pollen kills me, Y/N won’t be stuck mated to an omega she never wanted in the first place.

“Shut up,” he tries to say, trying to roll his eyes, but Sam can’t feel his muscles reacting properly, the way he remembers it feeling, and his words come out blurry, his vision slurring.

Dean’s POV

“Dean, what’s happening?” Y/N asks more insistently, pulling back to look him in the eye, the pleasure-fog that had been clouding her features a moment before almost entirely evaporated now.

“It’s the pollen,” Dean grunts, shifting his body as much as he can with his knot still tied to Y/N. “Can you lean forward, baby girl? Need to try and move us over, give him some space.”

“Shit, yeah,” Y/N flinches as she sits up too quickly, Dean’s cock moving inside of her and pulling uncomfortably for the both of them.

“Dean,” Y/N is sobbing brokenly against him from her own overwhelming pleasure, and the alpha gets a spark of inspiration.

He’ll have to take the opportunity to congratulate himself some other time.

Y/N’s POV

Sam– you remember with a gasp as your body unconsciously rocks itself against him, grinding your hips down onto his length.

Daddy.

Holy fuck.

“Good girl,” you hear Dean’s voice purr behind you, and you feel another hand running gently over your back as the whispers of praise drift over your skin.

Chapter 20 posting on November 15th or head to my website to binge read the rest of the fic today!

Series Tags: @outofnowhere82 @ladysparkles78 @missusbarnes-rogers @waywardandnerdy0212

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achilios · 3 years

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out of context quotes that are (a) hilarious (b) ominous (c) both at once (from survival is a talent by @shanastoryteller )

(years 4-5, potential spoilers ahead?? maybe?? i’ll add an asterisk (*) to quotes that i think may be spoilers)

( * = possibly a spoiler ; ** = mild spoiler ; *** = kind of a big spoiler )

this was originally supposed to be for harry only, because his character in this fic is absolutely amazing and sarcastic and generally hilarious, but then the list somehow Grew, so!

harry:

"Millicent, thank merlin, has a trust fund and that’s it, and thinks the rest of them are insane[...]she’s a great barometer for when something’s a pureblood Slytherin thing, and for when their friends are just strange, but haven’t figured it out yet because they’re too busy being strange together."

"'I’ll meet you downstairs,' Harry says, then stands and jumps off the roof. George screams, but Harry’s laughing all the way down, casting a cushioning charm so he easily bounces back on his feet."

"'But it doesn’t bother me when I almost die,' Harry complains."

"I might as well cause a useful disaster."

* "Sometimes accidental necromancy just happens.”

"'Ritualistic cannibalism is my least preferred way to die,” Harry tells him companionably."

"Who cares if it’s a good idea? It’s a fun idea."

"She looks at Harry. “Can you walk, Mr. Potter?”“Sure,” he says, “absolutely, I’ve been walking for years.”"

"They all look at him like he’s crazy. Which isn’t a new experience, but is a little rude."

* "he’s planning to spend the summer collecting corpses so he has them on hand if needed."

+ bonus

Sirius saying Questionable Things, as always: "'I love that woman,' Sirius says, 'She’s so willing sell her morals away, I really admire that in a person.'"

Ron, who i’m kind of obsessed with(+ an appearance from Ginny): "'What are you planning, Ronald?' 'Nothing major. Just some public unrest, maybe a riot or two. A coup would be nice, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves,' he muses."

"'I flew a car into the Whomping Willow when I was twelve,' Ron says. 'How am I supposed to discipline students? As long as no one dies, it’s like, fine, right?'"

"“Hey!” Ron says, but he’s still grinning. “I think we make really logical and great choices for authority figures.” Harry twists to stare at him. “A third year got in a fight with a Hufflepuff, and you taught him how to throw a better punch.”"

Neville, who is awesome: "No election if we kill him."

"“Yippee,” Neville says morosely"

Hermione, who is somehow both chaotic good and lawful neutral at once: "'I won’t have to scold anyone for anything if they don’t get caught,' Hermione answers. 'Perhaps everyone should take this as an opportunity to brush up on their invisibility and silencing spells?'"

* "Hermione pulls out her wand. “It’s sad you’ll forget this moment. You’re a lot less pathetic when you grow a spine.”"

Draco, who I can’t even put into words how much I love in this fic: *** "Draco strides into Flitwick’s office and drops a ten foot scroll on his desk with a satisfying thwack. Flitwick looks up and raises an eyebrow. “That’s the complete arithmancy for the ghost summoning spell. Read it and weep, because I did.”"

"“Yeah, okay. I was personally planning to hex anyone who hit on you or stared at you too long, but I suppose your idea is a little more subtle.”"

"Murder suddenly sounds like a much more appealing option."

* "if it’s alive, we’ll come get you so we can – I don’t know, kill an millennia old creature in the middle of the night for the hell of it, I guess."

"“I have so much homework to do that I’ve considered taking up drinking to cope,”"

"Forget therapy. Draco needs a drink."

Quinn, because ze is amazing and I want to make potions explode with zir: "“My dad threw a fit when I accidentally melted the shed outside,” Quinn complains, “Like we all haven’t accidentally liquified a building or two.”"

** "Quinn leans forward, making sure to look him in the eye. “Tell me Harry. Have you ever wanted to lead an unofficial teenage militia? Because I think that would look great on your resume.”"

"“If you finish that sentence I’ll have to kill you, and that will really bum a lot of people out,”"

Seamus and Dean, who count as one person and are practically joined at the hip: "Seamus smacks his shoulder, “Ze has a boyfriend.” There’s a pause where they all stare at him, and then he goes, “Wait, and you have a boyfriend too! Me! No leering at Quinn.”"

Percy, who is entirely too relatable sometimes: "“I have to go,” he says, “and I don’t know, maybe develop a drinking problem or something.”"

This Scene:

I’m not even sure I understand what’s happening here, but I love it

This Scene As Well:

"Ron sighs and puts his arm around Harry’s shoulders. “Harry, murder is bad.”

“Most of the time,” Hermione says. Ron glares at her. “What? Sometimes a little murder can be helpful.”

He turns to Neville, beseeching, but he only shrugs. “Murder is bad almost all of the time.”"

Other Characters, who are equally amazing but admittedly less important to the story so far, so they don’t get individual sections: "“Angelina!” Katie scolds, even though she’s angry too. “Don’t admit to murder in front of so many witnesses.”"

" “I’ll keep watch. Have fun down there. I hope you die.”"

*** "“What is idiotic master needing from his lowly house elf, who is clearly so unimportant that he can not be telling her when he goes running off to do stupid things?” “Er,” he says, “look, Winky, it all happened really fast, and we were on a bit of time crunch-” “Ah, yes,” she says, “because it is taking so long to be summoning me, with a literal snap of your fingers.”"

#survival is a talent #shanastoryteller #harry potter #draco malfoy #drarry #hp #drarry fic rec #drarry fic #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter fandom #fanart #hp fanart #linny #harry potter fanart #ginny weasley #art

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autisticandroids · 3 years

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Oh patron saint of mpreg, tell us, what is the absolute gold standard canon divergent mpreg scenario with Cas and Dean?

so for me the gold standard is for cas to get pregnant due to some kind of magical or metaphysical situation that dean at least does not perceive as sex. bonus points is cas is hesitant about it but refuses to explain why (because he doesn't know how dean will deal with the concept of himself being able to potentially get cas pregnant), so dean is like "we're doing it anyway" and then they do it and then cas doesn't tell anyone that he is pregnant until circumstances force the information out of him. and then dean has to deal with the fact that 1) cas can get pregnant, 2) cas is pregnant, 3) it's his, and he does so pretty poorly.

the rest is under a cut because this post is over 2.5k words long.

my favorite times for this to happen are at the end of season nine, just before dean dies and gets demonized in do you believe in miracles, and at the start of season twelve, just before sam and dean go to jail, because the pining in both those scenarios is delicious but it is so much more powerful if cas is also pregnant, and never even told dean. double points if the truth somehow comes out while they're separated so when dean comes back it's like. yeah cas is pregnant. it's yours. welcome home dean now you have to coddle cas' emotions because he thought he would have to raise your baby alone.

the season twelve scenario is particularly delicious because 1) we can have lucifer slut shaming cas in front of crowley in rock never dies, so crowley knows before dean, and 2) much more importantly, mary is there, and i am obsessed with like. okay. several things.

- the idea of mary getting all baby fever because she misses her boys and this is like. a baby she can take care of because she never got to take care of sam

- the idea of dean working through some of his parentification trauma by coparenting a child with the parent whose place he felt he had to take

- the idea of mary coming in and projecting her insane 1980s gender roles all over cas, suddenly treating him like a woman, stripping him of agency, etc. and like. dean would also do this even though he's not from the eighties, but mary would do it double strength, and they would reinforce each other, it would be a nightmare

- also mary trying to relate to cas on the Travails Of Motherhood etc. and cas being like ?????????? like i cannot stress enough that the weird gender roles she projects onto cas are also standards that she held herself to back when she was a Wife And Mother. while cas is like mary i am not a human woman and also i don't see what "having to look pretty for my man when i'm all baby bloaty" has to do with anything. that's not something i feel like i have to do

oh and 3) could you imagine lily sunder has some regrets if cas was pregnant? unfathomable episode. like ishim and mirabel's reaction but ALSO lily's. and it would fix the number one issue i have with lily sunder, which is that the resolution of the moral dilemma is "well AKSHUALLY the kid was human and not a nephilim so killing it was bad" rather than "it was bad to kill lily's baby, full stop." like ishim's cover up and using the machinery of power to manipulate the truth is very compelling, but the fact that it results in the moral essentially being "it would have been okay if the kid had been a nephilim" suuuuuucks.

basically, there's a reason i have two entire mpreg aus set in season twelve.

and then the delicious part in the season nine version is like. one, dean is away for much longer and he could be anywhere. also he's a demon and he's cheating on cas with crowley. and then even when cas gets him back he's still cursed with the mark, so we can get all weepy over that. you know. i'm the one who's going to have to watch you murder the world and i'm eight months pregnant. etc etc.

but the other thing that's juicy about this version is that cas is still semi-involved with the other angels at this point, like he's roadtripping around with hannah and they're trying to get heaven under control, so carrying a nephil is going to really affect those relationships. so he's going to be probably disliked by the other angels, and there are MANY opportunities for slut-shaming, but at the same time, the other "outcast" type angels might respect him for violating heaven's dictates.

and then of course there's his grace vampirism victorian wasting disease. in canon he's perfectly happy to let himself die, but if he were having dean's baby he would absolutely not do that, that's dean's baby he's endangering there. so of course there's the terrible guilt of having to kill other angels so he can live, plus potentially preparing to die shortly after childbirth so he doesn't have to keep killing. delicious.

and on top of all this cas can get slutshamed by metatron in, depending on when exactly he gets knocked up, meta fiction, stairway to heaven, and do you believe in miracles. plus stairway to heaven would be insane like all the angels would know that cas is pregnant. they would see it in his grace. like cas' angel army would just. know that he was pregnant with a nephil, and have to accept that because he's their leader. in love with humanity indeed.

i'm trying to think of other good times for this drama with cas getting secretly pregnant through a nonsexual interaction to take place. it would be great in season six. like: he's doing a blasphemy with his body but at the same time he's this big important rebel leader so they can't say shit about him, and also he's pregnant while fighting these big important battles (fun and sexy), AND this is like, hot on the heels of the realization that something about his feelings for dean is untoward, expands beyond the bounds of ordinary friendship and camaraderie. like he realizes that, and maybe even that he has sexual feelings for dean, and then he gets immediately knocked up. stunning.

it would ALSO be extremely fun for it to be some kind of... i don't know, magical longer gestation times, whatever, but for cas to have gotten pregnant sometime in s5 and only realized during the Year Of Lisa. LOVE to watch a man rake leaves while both metaphorically carrying the taint of taboo sexual feelings for him and literally carrying his child.

but the thing about season six is, first of all, cas isn't really... envisioning a future with dean. not the way he does in the later seasons. like does he fantasize about a future with dean? yes. like. he really did watch that motherfucker rake leaves. but it's only fantasy. he expected to never speak to dean again after swan song until dean prayed to him in the third man. he's obsessed with dean, but it's distant. remote.

like, we talk about cas babytrapping dean in the later seasons with jack, and he absolutely does, and he would do it even more if dean got him literally pregnant, but that babytrap is about... how do i put this. it's about winning dean's affection. late seasons cas knows that he's going to die by dean's side. the difference that babytrapping dean makes is that maybe it will get dean to be nice to him in the mean time, instead of discarding him like so much toilet paper.

but season six cas doesn't think of it like that. if he were gonna babytrap dean, it would be in the more traditional sense of forcing dean to stay with him in order to raise their child together. and he would never do that. he wants dean to have a happy future, which in his mind does not include him. like, compare here "he's retired and he's to stay that way" in the man who would be king, where cas assumes that dean is happy without him and expects him to live out his days peacefully without ever seeing him again, to "i'm the one who's going to have to watch you murder the world" in the prisoner, where cas assumes that he will be by dean's side for centuries.

but anyway, the other, much more important problem with season six is that cas has a war to fight. like, in the later seasons, cas really has nothing. even when he's on tenuous good terms with the angels, he doesn't really have a home with them. the winchesters are his family, and he'd give up anything for them. he has nothing in his life. he's at rock bottom, and this becomes truer the further along you go. late seasons cas has nothing he would prioritize over serving the winchesters, and he would be happy dropping anything he was involved in to have and raise dean's baby. parenting would give him a purpose that he no longer has, because everything else has been stripped from him.

but in season six cas has a life outside of them. like yes, he has a war to fight, but he also has a place in heaven, with the other angels. he belongs somewhere, he has solid connections to the outside world. even if he didn't have a war to fight, i don't know how excited he would be to have and raise a baby (even dean's baby) because he simply has other things he could be doing. he's involved in the world beyond the winchesters.

like, the reason cas wants to be a parent is that he is totally alone and totally purposeless. having a child gives him both a reason for being and someone who will always love him and who he can care for. if he doesn't have that hole in his life he might not be so eager to fill it with a baby.

for all these reasons, this plotline really doesn't work in season six, because you simply cannot justify cas not getting an abortion, unless you do something nasty like make angel abortion impossible, which i don't love.

you COULD somehow put the impregnation just at the end of season six, maybe just before the man who would be king, such that cas doesn't realize he's pregnant until he's already godstiel. you guys are unfortunately very aware of how obsessed i am with pregnant godstiel.

actually, @jeanne-de-valois has a concept of like. a single, madness fueled midnight hookup immediately pre-tmwwbk (or maybe even during, but prior to the superman mistake), where cas is simultaneously so stressed from being stretched so thin from the war and the lying and the shady dealings, and so high on being The Big Man In Heaven, that he's bold and out of his mind enough to actually come onto dean, like he just appears one night in dean's bedroom and is like, fuck me, and dean is like 👁👄👁 okay. so they have one single adrenaline and madness fueled hookup, and then everything immediately goes to shit.

and i think that's a great place for cas to get pregnant, and then he doesn't realize until he's become god, or maybe he does and he's just like "i'll deal with it later," either way godstiel is like oh? i carry dean's heir inside me? i will have dean's baby. i will have dean's baby it is my right and also my boon to him and also a symbol of my great and magnanimous love for humanity. and also maybe i will put giant paintings of myself pregnant with his child up in churches. what about that. which would be fun. don't know when he would give birth though. actually it would be insane if he gave birth as emmanuel and was just like. raising dean's nephil when dean found him again. nuts. but it just doesn't really have the same flavor as late seasons mpreg. doesn't compel me nearly as much. like the symbolism of godstiel being pregnant with dean's child is fun and sexy but them actually raising the kid afterwards doesn't compel me nearly as much, so it's better to leave literal mpreg to the later seasons and let godstiel mpreg reside in symbolism and fantasy.

or maybe the fetus gets stolen by the leviathans when cas walks into the lake and dean has to battle his leviathanated nephil daughter as the main villain of s7. like she's dick roman's secret weapon. i think that would be fun, actually. kind of an emma situation but drawn out over the whole season. and he thinks cas is dead for most of it so she's all he's got left of cas and a mess cas left for him to clean up. big sexy.

and as a bonus, i will also tell you the best time, imo, for dean to get pregnant: near the end of season eight. possibly a single, tragic farewell fuck in sacrifice when cas is planning to lock himself away in heaven and they're never gonna see each other again. and this impregnates dean with cas' nephil.

but then cas is human. and he can't do anything about it. like generally if they managed to get dean pregnant somehow, cas would immediately talk him into an abortion (which wouldn't be too hard; dean's natural white midwestern man who doesn't vote aversion to abortion would be at war with the horror of being pregnant, and the horror would win), or might not even inform dean that he's pregnant, and just quietly end the pregnancy without dean's knowledge, because cas would never put dean through that. but if cas is human, he can't do that. and furthermore, that nephil is the last evidence of his angelic nature that persists. it's the last of what he used to be, the last of his grace. and there's something absolutely delectable about that.

then of course dean would have to leave the bunker if he was pregnant with a nephil, because angels would be after him, and he wouldn't want to lead them to gadreel, so i am imagining dean discovering that he's pregnant and then showing up in a panic at the gas n sip like "actually cas i'm also out of the bunker will you go on the run with me?" and then they go on the run and have to live in motels again and cas gets to live with take care of dean who is pregnant with his child which is essentially his dream, and he doesn't have to feel guilty because he's no longer capable of giving dean an abortion so he doesn't feel obligated to get him to have one. ideally cas gets re-angeled just in time to give dean an angelic c-section. or maybe they rely on a normal human c-section in a hospital and cas stays human and they are two humans raising their nephil, which is also fun to me.

#spn #asks #anonymous #mpregpocalypse

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self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2 · 6 months

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Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 10x03 Soul Survivor

“Some TV show or what?” “Doctor.” “Why are we stealing blood for him? To make the demon feel human or something?” “what the hell” pimp mobile

“I feel like that car could use some suspension work. Seems kinda clapped out” “So if getting your cheeks clapped means boning, does a clapped out thing mean its pussy done blown out?” “What did he ask Sam not to go after him or something?” “Wait. It’s the guy they killed” “Oh he’s teaching the guy to do a demon deal” “What’s up with all the voice processing?” “Oh he was the one who made that deal.” “So Dean killed the guy instead of the wife, and the demon would’ve gotten his soul in 10 years, right?” “What’s up with Sam swallowing all the time? Does he have a saliva problem? He’d be terrible in Vegas. That throat thing is weird” “Finger” laughter “Jesus Christ” “If you have your own grace, can’t you regenerate it? Couldn’t he borrow some of Hannah’s grace and she regenerate it?” “Leaving anything unlocked ever is a bad idea” “hell yeah brother” “He did the Oh no she didn’t chin” “Wouldn’t that give you one hell of a headache? Because your blood pressure continues to increase? I guess idk but it seems kinda bad” “Where do demons go when they die?” We don’t know yet

“When we do find out, what is it called?” The Empty

“That was really hot fire. Was it supposed to be holy oil or something?” “Super premium” Cas is saying we can’t be boyfriend/girlfriend

“Oh are they?” No, but Hannah wants to be

“I guess I didn’t pick up on that before or now” “Can’t they heal themselves?” They’re fighting angels so it’s harder

“I guess” “Hmm” laughter

“It’s got a skull. It’s funny. I like it” “Fkn playing hide-and-seek in the dungeon now?” “Terrible haircut” “It’s somehow slightly improved from the previous episodes but jeez” “Let’s be sneaky and make a shit load of rattling noise” “What does a hammer have over a cleaver?” laughter “isn’t that bullshit though? He was reminiscing while sitting on his throne or whatever” “When was the bunker made? 1950s?” “I like how they did the audio in this one, but the alarm would be so much louder than talking volume. So I appreciate it, but it’s not realistic” “What is this fkn accent dude?” “What was he looking for?” “I don’t even remember what Sam grabbed I guess. I’m terrible at this” I don’t know what he grabbed

“But that’s what Dean was checking for, I assume” “Oh, the demon blade thing” “In this very specific scenario, the hammer is the right choice” “oh yeah. As he swipes his hair or whatever the fuck” “So what did Castiel do? That doesn’t make sense” “there’s no secondary test? It’s just this big oh shit” “Can the holy water ever become unholy?” No

“What?” “At least he’s honest” “Got my cross. Got my gun” laughter

“What the fuck” laughter

“Screenshot. Look at that lighting on this shit. How is this a TV show? It’s fucked” WHy do you think I look at so many images on my phone? “Is everything OK in Oklahoma?” “Motherfucker” “First time we see her right?”

#beautifulspouserewatchesspn #supernatural rewatch #supernatural #supernatural s10

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stardustnfreckles · 3 years

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To celebrate the DeanCas100k on ao3 here's a list of my all-time favourite Destiel fanfictions:

CANON VERSE

A turn of the earth Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Early seasons!Dean keeps meeting Cas at the most random moments, till he isn’t anymore... Definetly a must read.

In the shadow of your wings

Set after the S11 finale. Dean kinda breaks Cas’ heart. Because sometimes he can be thick SOB. The Cas finds a new shiny and witty italian boyfriend and Dean’s not happy about it. and now Sam is missing, Mary is back and Dean has a mixed bag of feelings he has to deal with. Probably my favorite canonverse ever.

Like moses and batman and James Dean dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas.

A masterpiece in characterization by saltyfeathers. I loved everything, The dialogues, the flashbacks, the way Dean and Cas emotions are portrayed. There’s angst and internalized homophobia but also confort and IT IS JUST SO GOOD OK?

The best bang for your buck It’s not like Castiel knows who this GotImpala67 person is. There’s no personal information listed on their profile. Except that they’re male, thirty-seven, from Kansas and, apparently, they like inserting things inside themselves.

Cas plays dumb even tho he really is not and I love him for it. Dean is the kind of buyer who leaves detailed reviews of the products he buys (which is the best kind if you ask me) I love the writer’s style and their sense of humor. It’s short although I never get tired of re-reading this one. Also Bring up the deep & Till the juice runs from the same author are with mentioning.

Kisses by sunflowers beds by fanforfanatics & Watched by K_K_TiBal

This two fics have a on thing in common: At the end of both you’ll be asking yourself how can less than 5k hurt you so much?

I cried, then I smiled and cried some more. This fics will crush you in the best way possible.

Take me home country roads The most IC Deamon!Dean I’ve ever read. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions.

What’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles aka queen of post S15 fix-it fics

That black dog ache A simple case turns Dean upside down as he attempts to deal with the effects of a particularly strange love spell.

The perfect gift Castiel has a big problem concerning Dean... thankfully, Sam is always around to help

Really short Crack!Fic about Cas being clueless and adorable.

So says the sword by komodobits

Actually I suggest to go on their ao3 profile and read EVERYTHING.

The profet must die

Dean starts reading Chuck’s book out of curiosity and ends up having a epiphany about his apparently not so much platonic relationship with a certain angel of the lord.

A room of one’s own All Dean wants is a little privacy. Cas doesn't understand.

It mostly smut with a bit of healthy angst and great amount of humor.

My Roots Take Flight After forty years in Hell, Dean’s more than willing to accept the offer: become a guardian angel and earn his freedom. But his new ward seems destined to hunt alongside Sam, and there are secrets in Heaven that the angels don’t want found out. Dean’s going to have to choose between his duty and the people he loves- and to work out just where Castiel fits in.

Reverse!Verse set in season 4. It’s interesting to watch their relationship develop even if the roles are reversed.

The hands that bind me Dean is struggling with adjusting back into the civilized world after a year of fighting for his life in Purgatory. He's going to need some angelic assistance reining in his darker impulses.

If your’re into BDSM/Sub!Dean/Dom!Cas/Hurt/Confort/Dark themes then that’s the fic for you.

What has eight tentacles and isn’t allowed to eat pie? Dean is an octopus 🐙 and it’s weird but also kinda sweet.

Cuckoo and nest For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. it puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.

Established relationship/ they’re really bad at communication/ fluff / hurt confort

Put up your dukes Dean can't sleep. Cas offers to tire him out.

Along my restless palms Ever since Cas started staying in the bunker, Dean’s been having these crazy dreams—dreams that feature him and Cas in absurd, tawdry scenarios like something out of a filthy paperback. Dean chalks it up to exhaustion, or some monster messing with his head, anything to ignore the real cause: Cas in his personal space, in various states of undress, and, wow, way more muscular than Dean would’ve expected. But if it’s just physical lust that’s the cause, then that’s an easy fix, right? No big deal. There’s definitely nothing else that his subconscious is trying to tell him. Absolutely not.

last but not least Pretty much anything by xylodemon. The atmosphere and the way characters are portrayed are *chef kiss* There are a lor of case fics and they really feels like actual episodes from supernatural just way less omophobic and more fun.

#deancas100k #Destiel recs #Deancas rec list #destiel fanfic #destiel #deancas #castiel #dean winchester

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whelvenwings · 3 years

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who will fall beside you, if you fall

Dean Winchester's been loved in a lot of different ways throughout his life. He was shaped by that love, changed by the expectations and hopes and hurts of the people he cared about. He learned fear and silence and caution. But Castiel's confession, free of expectation, might undo those lessons.

Tags: Fix-It Fic, Endgame Castiel/Dean, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Minor Lisa/Dean Snippet and Minor Cassie/Dean Snippet, John Winchester’s A+ Parenting, Fallen Angel Castiel Word Count: ~4k

“If you’re angry, you could just tell me,” Dean said. “God knows I’d get it.”

He glanced to his left and right before crossing a road, his eyes lingering on the faces nearest him, as though he were looking for someone.

“Cas, just talk to me.” The words were so quiet that no human but Dean himself heard them. He was still watching around him, waiting, but nothing happened.

He put his hands into his pockets again. Walked with his shoulders set a little lower.

“It’s not…” Dean muttered, a broken-off answer to a thought inside his head. “Just – I don’t know what you want me to do. Can you hear me thinking about you? ‘Cause it’s all the time, man. I don’t know what to do. Last time I saw you, you told me… but now you aren’t even…”

He rounded a corner and began to cross a small parking lot.

“If you’d just come here. You could tell me what I’m supposed to do. All I want is…” Dean’s eyes searched the backs of the cars he passed as if their number plates were esoteric texts with all the answers, all the things he needed to say. He breathed out. “I don’t know how, man, I don’t know what to do.”

Read the whole thing below the cut!

Dean was three years old and not quite steady on his feet, still, when his father took him outside to help shovel the snow. In his coat and hat he was a little duffled-up sweetheart, to whom nothing particularly bad had ever happened.

Red-cheeked and grinning, he left small bootprints in the snow.

“Come over here, Dean.” John stood behind Dean and lowered the shovel down to Dean’s height, so that they could hold it and move the snow together. Dean pressed his lips together and frowned as he followed his father’s movements. John’s coat smelled like smoke and the outdoors. They moved one, two, three, four, five big shovel-fulls.

“That’s enough for one day,” said a voice from the porch – Mary, smiling down at the two of them. John carefully lifted the shovel out of Dean’s reach, standing up to his full height. They’d managed to clear just a short stretch of the path that led up to the house.

“But Mom, there’s loads more!” Dean said, pointing to the rest of the pathway.

“Your dad can clear that. You need to come in and have some lunch,” Mary said. “Come on.”

Dean looked up to his father with wide eyes, but John put his hand on the top of Dean’s head and ruffled it so that his hat almost came off.

“Listen to your mom, Dean. In you go.”

Dean’s eyes travelled from his father’s face to his mother’s.

“There’s your favourite for dessert,” Mary said, coaxing him with a little smile.

“Yes!”

Dean made a sudden break for it towards her, running down the path he’d just helped to clear. After the crunch-crunch-crunch of the snow, the cleared pathway was hard under Dean's feet. Hard, and unexpectedly slippery.

“Whoa, there,” said John, as Dean felt his balance go, his feet skidding out from under him – and suddenly he was being lifted, one hand on either side of him. John pulled him up out of the fall, and set him back down in thick snow.

Dean blinked. It had all happened very fast.

“Next time,” John said, giving Dean a little push indoors, “I won’t catch you. You’ve got to learn, Dean.”

–––––

And now Dean was eleven years old and trailing after his father down a quiet midnight street, with a sleepy little brother in tow.

“Dad… are we nearly at the motel?”

“Nearly.”

He’d pay for that question later somehow, and Dean knew it, but because he’d asked there was a new purpose in John’s step. They didn’t stop at the liquor store that Dean knew John had been weighing going into. Walking past it, Dean felt a little break of relief in his chest. They’d get out of the cold sooner, and Sam could get to bed.

“Dean?”

Dean turned his head to look at his brother, keeping walking. Sam was wearing Dean’s coat, swimming in it, the hood pulled up and the elastic tight so only the round circle of his face was visible. It was nearly funny, but they hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and the humour was shaved off everything.

“Come on,” Dean said.

“I’m cold.”

“I know.” Dean cast a glance forwards at his father’s back. He lowered his voice. “It’s okay. Just a little bit longer.”

Sam made a miserable face. Their breaths were puffs of air between them. Underfoot was the hiss and crunch of melting, slushy snow.

“Can I have soup when we get there?”

“It’s late, Sammy. We’ll have something in the morning.”

“But I can’t sleep when I’m hungry…”

“Okay.” Dean cast another worried look towards his father, and then made a meaningful face at Sam when he looked back around. “I’ll find something. I think we have some of that apple juice left over.”

“That’s cold,” Sam said, but he’d quietened his voice, too. “And a drink.”

“You didn’t know?” Dean said, making sure his face was completely straight.

“Know what?”

“That’s the best part,” Dean said. “Cold drinks make you warm up faster.”

Sam narrowed his eyes, and Dean cursed internally. Every day Sam got a little smarter and a little harder to keep happy.

“That’s not true,” Sam said.

“It is,” Dean promised. “You’ll see.” He thought for a few seconds, and then said, "Maybe we can heat up the apple juice."

“Keep up, boys,” said John’s voice, from too far away. Dean realised he must have slowed down as he’d talked to Sam, even though he’d been trying to hold a steady pace. He reached for Sam’s hand, turning his head at the same time to call back to his father – and as he did so, he felt his balance betray him. His feet slipped in the slush, and in a rush he was a jumble of elbows and knees hitting the ground in all the wrong places.

For a second he sat still, assessing the damage. Nothing broken.

“Are you okay?” Sam said, the dish of his face looking pale and worried above Dean.

“I’m fine… ugh.”

“Get up,” John called, and when Dean turned his head to look, he saw that his father was turning away to keep walking. Dean scrambled to his feet, hands out for balance. His hip ached – he’d landed on it.

“I’m alright,” Dean said to Sam, pulling on a smile. “Let’s go.”

He hurried after John, making sure Sam was beside him, going as fast as he dared until they were right behind their father. His knee was starting to throb, too, and he kept it off his face carefully, because Sam was still glancing up at him.

“Saw you reach for your brother when you were falling,” John grunted. “Don’t do that. If you two’re on your own and both of you go down, you’re both dead. If Sam’s still up, he can go for help.”

“I wasn’t –” Dean tried to say.

“Don’t do it,” John repeated, more forcefully.

They walked on in silence.

––––-

And now Dean was twenty-one years old and stepping out into the brisk air of a winter evening, with his head a little light from the drinks he’d had in the bar at his back.

“Come on,” Cassie said from beside him, her eyes bright with laughter. “You can tell me.”

“Hey, we’ve been through this,” Dean said, as they began to make their way down the street, “If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

“As if you could,” Cassie said.

Dean glanced over at her smile, and thought about the way the shifter he’d taken out earlier that day had looked at him, right before he’d swung the blade through her neck. He swallowed hard.

“I might,” he said, and held his arms a little out from his body. “How long can I contain this much raw aggression, you know?”

“Stop," Cassie said, nudging him with her shoulder. “Seriously, okay, just tell me what your job is.”

“Is it really worth your life?” Dean asked, putting on his most serious face.

“You’re really trying to tell me you’re, what – a spy? A fed?” Cassie asked. “C’mon, you can’t expect me to believe that. With that face?”

“Hey,” Dean said, mock-offended, as they passed closed-up stores and parking bays. “What’s wrong with my face?”

“Nothing,” Cassie said, “that’s literally the problem. The FBI don’t hire people who look like you, do they? This is real life, not HBO.”

“Okay,” Dean said, his face working not to look too pleased. Underfoot, the pavement was shiny with ice. Dean started to walk a little slower. “So, if this isn’t the face of a fed, what is it the face of?”

“Mmm. Radio show host?” Cassie laughed when Dean threw her a look. “Well, c’mon, how am I supposed to know? Third date and you still won’t tell me?”

“Just trying to keep the mystery alive,” Dean said, faking an absent kind of tone in the hope that Cassie would drop the subject. The sidewalk was getting more and more treacherous, each of his steps sliding just a little.

“The mystery is too alive,” Cassie said. “It could die a bit. I’d be okay with that.”

“Whoa… careful.” Dean’s foot slipped out from under him, and he only managed to keep his balance by grabbing onto a parking meter that happened to be close by.

“Easy, big shot.” Cassie watched him start to move again, even more tentatively. “Wouldn’t wanna lose the deal with HBO if you fall on that perfect face.”

There was an edge of hurt to her tone of voice, and Dean jaw tightened. Was he ever going to tell her, he wondered. Surely not. She’d hate it. Spending time with Cassie was like visiting a parallel universe. That world didn’t have room for monsters under the bed.

And so Dean kicked them back underneath as hard as he could, and smiled at Cassie, and held out his hand.

Cassie looked down at it, and then back up at him.

“Really?” she said, a smile waiting at the corners of her mouth.

“It’s slippery,” Dean said, and wiggled his fingers temptingly.

“Yeah,” Cassie said with a laugh, pushing his hand away, “it is, asshole. That’s why I’m not letting you take me down with you.”

––––-

And now Dean was thirty-one years old and watching a soccer game, gloves on, hat on, clapping along with the dark-haired woman next to him.

“Come on, Ben!” called Lisa.

“Like we practised, okay, kid?” Dean added, and watched Ben’s face relax into concentration as he placed the ball for his free kick, just a yard outside the penalty box.

“You practised free kicks with him?” Lisa said to Dean, sounding like she was holding back a laugh. Dean glanced down at her; she had her eyes on her son, but there was a little smile on her face.

“A couple times,” Dean said. “He asked.”

“That’s sweet. And I thought you two just watched TV and ate too much pizza together.”

“We do that too,” Dean said. “When I have a say in it.” He rubbed his hands together, trying to warm them up. On either side of Lisa and Dean, also at the edge of the soccer pitch, were other parents all waiting on Ben to take his kick. They were standing on wet grass, a few of them stamping their feet to keep them from going numb.

Ben took a short run up, swung his leg, made contact. The ball sailed high, dipped – and the goalie caught it neatly.

“Next time,” Dean called out when Ben’s face fell, and gave him a clap. The game played on.

“God, it’s cold,” Lisa said.

“You want my coat?”

Lisa looked up at him, her big brown eyes soft.

“You’re cute, you know that?”

“... Right.” Dean smiled awkwardly. Lisa’s would-be compliment hung in the air, sounding more incongruous the longer Dean stood tense and unmoving.

Lisa reached out, and put her hand on his folded arms.

“You wanna order in, tonight?” she said lightly. “Or I could make fajitas.”

“I can cook,” Dean said. “I’ll make burgers.”

“Mmm. Twist my arm.”

Some small burst of relief, there. Dean’s expression eased. He put his hands in his pockets, lifted his chin, as though remembering the role he was playing. Who he was, now.

He shifted his feet – and felt his right foot slide, almost right out from under him. He steadied himself, hands out to the sides, looking down at the grass.

“Careful,” Lisa said.

“Jesus,” Dean said at the same time.

“Come here,” Lisa said, holding out her hand.

Dean smiled.

“It’s all good,” he said, reaching out and giving the hand a squeeze, and then letting go quickly.

“Can’t have the head chef breaking his arm,” Lisa said, her hand still out.

“It’s fine, really.”

“Dean, would you hold my hand?”

“We’ll both go over,” Dean said.

“Mm-mm. I’ll hold you up.”

Her expression allowed no argument. Unwillingly, Dean allowed her to loop their arms together, Lisa pinning Dean to her side and turning back to the game, calling out to support Ben as he went for a tackle. Dean stood quietly. He was having to lean down ever so slightly so that Lisa could keep his arm tucked under hers.

He tried very hard not to move. Just the smallest slide of his feet and he’d be over and he’d take her with him. Every muscle in his legs was clenched, forcing himself not to slip.

After just a minute or so of stiff silence, Lisa sighed.

“Okay,” she said, “you win.”

She let go.

––––-

And now Dean was forty-one years old and walking down a street in Lebanon, Kansas, on legs that still felt a little new. The cold air was harsh; he took in a deep breath.

He went to cross the road, and a car gave a screech as it swerved suddenly to avoid him. The driver made a few different gestures at him through the window, and Dean held up a hand in apology.

It was easy to forget that things didn’t part and make way on Earth like they had done in Heaven.

“Couldn’t fix that for me, could you?” Dean said aloud. “Not that I’m not grateful for the ticket home, Cas, but Heaven had its perks.”

Silence. Dean kept walking, with only the slightest slump to his shoulders and crease on his brow. Lebanon was wearing snow like a big white coat. Dean’s boots crunched in it when he stepped off the gritted path to let a mother with a stroller go by.

“I should probably stop expecting to see you round every corner, huh,” he said. “Been a week now. And I keep wandering around thinking you might show up just ‘cause I’m looking.” Someone passing gave him a slightly frightened look and a wide berth as he walked by, talking to himself. Just another thing no one had much noticed in Heaven: the prayers. Dean frowned, and ducked his head. Tucked his hands in his pockets.

He walked quietly for some time.

Long enough for his hands to come back out of his pockets, and his shoulders to lose their self-conscious hunch. Long enough for the hurt in his eyes to seem nearer the surface.

“Might not even have been you that got me out of Heaven,” Dean said, his tone quiet, as though picking up the thread of a half-finished conversation.

A pause, in which he walked. Passed by other people, made no eye contact. Dean meandered a little as he went, as though his mind were elsewhere.

“If you’re angry, you could just tell me,” he said. “God knows I’d get it.”

He glanced to his left and right before crossing a road, his eyes lingering on the faces nearest him, as though he were looking for someone.

“Cas, just talk to me,” he said. The words were so quiet that no human but Dean himself heard them. He was still watching around him, waiting, but nothing happened.

He put his hands into his pockets again. Walked with his shoulders set a little lower.

He rounded a corner and began to cross a small parking lot.

He swallowed.

“It feels like I have to do something, though.”

He kept walking.

“Or, I don’t know. Maybe I just want to.”

He breathed out.

Emotions were crossing his face, too fast to catch one alone, too swift to parse. He looked down at his feet, watching where he stepped.

“If I had what I wanted,” he said, “you’d be here.” After a pause, he rolled his eyes. “I’m sure that’s news to you. Like, wow, right? Not as though I’ve ever asked, after all.” Another silence, and then he said, “But you know, I – it’s not that I just want to… fix it, or… finish things off. It’s not… I’m not…” He pressed his lips together, smiled wryly. “Jesus. I hope you can’t hear this. I’m not making any sense. I’m just trying to say, I want you here, man. I want you here to stay.”

A little flicker of light seemed to touch Dean’s eyes.

“You could stay now,” he said, “right? You could actually stay. If you wanted to. And we could…” He stopped. “Yeah,” he said quietly.

A car drove by, and the child in the backseat stared out the window at him. Dean blinked back to reality.

“We didn’t have time to think about what we wanted,” he said into the quiet of the parking lot, when the car had passed and he was walking again. “All this time. Or maybe you did. But I didn’t.” He looked upwards, towards the iron sky. “And now there’s time, Cas, and all I’m thinking about is you.” He looked down. “I said that already.”

He moved on, stepping out the other side of the parking lot and onto the sidewalk.

“I remember you said that the… the thing you want, you can’t have.” Dean took in a breath and let it go. “I don’t know why you thought you couldn’t. Whatever it is, man, you deserve it.”

His feet carried him onward.

“You gotta be sick of hearing me talk at this point. But I just…” Dean’s eyes glanced over the snowy Lebanon street in front of him, and he crossed the road. “I just want you here. Maybe I should take a damn hint.” His voice strained, hurt betraying the attempt at levity in his tone. “But you said… I keep thinking back on what you said. About how you feel. And I, uh. You know. If you’d just let me…”

Dean lifted his hands, a little helplessly, into the air as he walked, as though wanting to give something invisible to someone who wasn’t there. He dropped them awkwardly, his expression creasing.

He was circling back around towards the mall, his footsteps pointing him towards home. He looked heavy, weary. The lines on his face were deep, and his eyes were unfocused, lost in thought.

The people around him paid him no attention. He was just part of the crowd. They swirled across his path and around him, irrelevant to him, not seeing him. Except –

Dean came to a sudden stop. His gaze sharpened.

Twenty feet away from him, standing completely still, was a figure. Not struggling with carrier bags or strollers or wallets and keys like the other shoppers going into and out of the mall. Utterly stone still.

Tall, almost as tall as Dean. Wearing a long coat. Brown-haired. Impassive.

Watching Dean as though waiting for him.

And Dean visibly blossomed. His mouth fell slightly open, his shoulders loosened, one hand reached out unconsciously.

“Cas?” he said, disbelieving – and Dean saw a slight smile appear on Castiel’s face, and the angel slightly raised one hand in greeting.

Warmth touched Dean’s eyes, rising up as though from a great depth. He began to move, at first taking care on the slippery sidewalk. But his feet hurried him, and he was walking fast and then he was almost running, caution forgotten, eyes on Castiel’s.

It was when he was only a few steps away that his foot hit a patch of black ice. His arms went out, struggling to balance him – Castiel moved forward, one hand out – Dean reached for him on instinct, grasping his arm, his body relaxing in obvious expectation of Castiel being able to pull him upright –

But Castiel’s weight tilted along with Dean’s, and the ground gave them both a hard and cold welcome. There were some muttered ooohs from people passing by, and a few of them came to awkward stops nearby.

Dean landed hard on his back, head hitting the cement. He stared for a moment up at the sky. It had all happened very fast.

He sat up, and saw Castiel kneeling beside him, inspecting his own hands.

“Fuck,” Dean said. He put a hand to the back of his head. No blood.

“Are you okay?” said someone behind Dean, and he waved them off.

“All good,” he said, seeing in his peripheral vision that the people who’d stopped to look were moving on. He looked at Castiel. “Are you… you’re…”

Castiel stopped staring down at his hands, and looked at Dean instead. His blue eyes searched Dean’s face. Under his gaze, Dean smiled – a smile that grew on his face from a tiny brightness in his eyes until his whole face was alight with it.

“It’s you,” he said. "Damn, Cas, it's really you."

“It’s me,” Castiel confirmed. His voice held a recognition of Dean’s smile, a reciprocal warmth.

“You’re here.”

“I heard you,” Castiel said.

“You heard me? Just now?”

“Yes.”

Dean nodded. He was breathing a little fast. His gaze searched Castiel’s face, partly seeming to be looking for something, partly seeming already to have found it. People were stepping around them to get inside the mall.

“It’s good to see you,” Dean said.

Castiel smiled too, at last.

“But you know,” Dean added, “you could’ve just appeared right next to me instead of a whole freaking mile away on a slippery sidewalk. That’s all I’m gonna say.”

“Ah.” Castiel, still on his knees beside where Dean was sitting, dropped his gaze. “That was, in fact, not under my control. Jack sent me down here. After I asked him to do something for me.”

Castiel looked down at his hands again, and this time Dean looked too. His expression broke into slight surprise when he saw red on Castiel’s palms, at the sight of the blood – and then the surprise came in a second, deeper wave, as realisation hit.

“Cas,” he said.

“Just a graze,” Castiel said calmly.

“But you – you’re – that’s not supposed to happen,” Dean said. He reached out, and took Castiel’s hands in his own, inspecting the little scrapes on the skin. “You can’t get hurt like this.”

“Well,” Castiel said, “I can, now.”

“But you’re…” Dean stared at Castiel, seeming suddenly caught in consternation.

“Staying,” Castiel finished for him.

Wide-eyed, still sitting on the sidewalk, Dean took this in. Something light crossed his face, then anger, then confusion.

“I heard you,” Castiel reminded him. Dean stared at him.

“What I said?”

“Yes.”

“About staying?”

“Yes.”

“And you… you want that?”

Despite the hustle of people around them, the crunch-crunch of their boots in the snow and the harshness of their voices, Dean and Castiel might have been the only two people in the world when Castiel said,

“Yes, Dean.”

“So, but – before, in the bunker, with the Empty, when you said – the thing – the thing you said you wanted –”

Castiel looked down at their hands. Dean’s holding Castiel’s.

Dean tightened his grip.

“Just that?” he said, his voice sounding thick.

Castiel said nothing, words seeming to fail him.

They stared at each other. Hands in hands, touching, Castiel bleeding. Dean didn’t let go.

“It’s yours,” Dean said roughly.

“You mean…” Castiel’s eyes were suddenly wide. “You mean that you…”

“Since pretty much day one. I just never thought you’d want that from me.”

The world moved past and around them. They didn’t notice. Castiel was radiating happiness in every body line, though he was unmoving. Dean was watching him as though afraid he might disappear in the space of a blink.

"Is this real?" he said. "My head hurts enough for it to be real."

Castiel nodded.

“You’re really staying,” Dean said.

“As long as you’ll let me.”

After enough time under the steadiness of Castiel’s gaze, it seemed finally to sink in for Dean – the truth of it, the reality of it. Dean breathed out.

He swallowed. He looked down.

He smiled.

“We should get home, then,” he said.

Castiel didn’t say anything, but he gave a nod made small by emotion.

“Oh. I’m sorry, though,” Dean said, his eyes catching on Castiel’s small injuries now that he was looking down again. His thumb lightly touched the place where blood was drying on Castiel’s palm. “If I’d known I wouldn’t have run at you.”

“It’s fine,” Castiel said, getting to his feet and pulling Dean up with him, their hands not letting go.

“I’ll be more careful next time.”

“Don’t be,” Castiel said, his blood on Dean’s hands, and still holding them. “Don’t be.”

#whelvenwingsfic #destiel #destiel fic #WELL HERE SHE IS #I'll reblog in a sec with the ao3 link because tumblr hates external links #also thank you so much to sammich for beta reading this ah #also if anyone's asking if i intend to be extra #and keep making banners for even little fics that i post #the answer is YES FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE #because what is more calming than photoshop and a podcast

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