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trashquisitor-shirozora · 1 year

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#10 and #13 for the storm, the suns, the stars (either as a whole series or individually) also i hope youre having a nice day/night!!

Aw nonnie, thanks for asking! Could've had a less technologically challenging night but that's why you make a little buffer for yourself when starting NaNo - gotta make sure you have enough words to cover your ass for when Life happens or the grind gets you down.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Oh this is definitely a "whole series" kind of response. You ever experience the kind of restlessness where you're just BURSTING at the seams to do SOMETHING but you can't figure out what any of it is? So you're just stewing in this storm (lol) of energy with nowhere to go and you think you might know why but you're not sure you want to go down that road again but maybe just maybe this could be the start of something new. Anyway I tell everyone that after I finally came down from the absolutely insane high of the Mando Show Season 2 finale, my first coherent thought was, "So Grogu has two dads now?"

I read a few of the early dinluke fics (somehow avoided all of the Early Big Fics because I just wanted a nibble, I wanted to see if I Liked liked this ship and wanted to stick around instead of like... breezing in and out like I did with OFMD) and figured out that oh, I want to write this, I want to write them, they crossed paths because of Grogu and he is the axis of it all, but there is something to a member of the Mandalorian diaspora meeting (one of) the last of the Jedi. Their cultures and heritages are hanging by threads after what the Empire did to them, they are survivors, this is so interesting there is some good fucking Potential here what the fuck.

But The Storm came to me as a real ass Shower Thought. Start where Din gets left off - dude with no ship, no baby, and a laser Excalibur who is desperate for a ship and to get the fuck away from Destiny and also Bo-Katan. Send him back to his old stomping grounds to get a new ride by working with/for Greef and is given a job to bring back a bounty hunter. When Din finally catches up with the bounty hunter, they're on Some Planet with Ruins and Luke is also there minding his own business but collided with Din's business collecting a bounty and the bounty hunter's business doing his own bounty hunting. It was a real straightforward premise and a way for me to kinda dip my toes into dinluke, The Mandalorian, and the much MUCH bigger and older and scarier Star Wars fandom.

This particular ship had potential and I concocted a particular story to test drive the ship, and then I started writing it. This really was supposed to be a kind of a one-off, a "let's see what happens" kind of thing. Same attitude as with the FFXIV fic I was writing at the time. But. You know how people say they never wrote or drew what they've been writing or drawing with dinluke? (Like, the way people started churning out absolutely INSANE quality OFMD art, like a sheer avalanche of joy that seized fandom spaces for a month) I know what they mean. Because this particular ship and this particular story/series was supposed tobe a one-off but now it has my whole soul.

I was always intrigued, enamored with Din Djarin but writing The Storm made me realize I really fucking love this character. The Storm gave me this quiet yet incredibly intense and emotionally charged space to explore Din's mindset after losing his ship, giving up Grogu, and gaining the Darksaber. And here was a Jedi, one of only two Din knows, who helps Din deal with all these fractures in his life and who's struggling on his own to recover and restore everything the Empire destroyed. This was so much more than I bargained for, and when the story was over I wanted more. I wanted them to reunite and for Din to reunite with a Grogu. I wanted to see how Din and Luke's relationship progresses because I never read enough stories that continued a relationship, and I wanted the setting to be the opposite of being trapped inside an ancient temple ruin on a planet with finicky storm systems. So Tatooine it was, where we got to see familiar faces and Din learned more about who Luke is under the Jedi and Rebel hero exterior.

I wanted to tell the same story for Din, for Din to reveal more about himself to Luke, which was how I started writing The Stars. I also wanted to write about his inevitable collision with Bo Katan and other Mandalorians, and the future of their people. I wanted to really get into the idea of "the personal is political", about Din's feelings about the creed and his obligations to his people no matter how much he Does Not Want This, and if he'll ever have a softer landing and ending. I don't know if I can pull it off but good fucking lord, dinluke really made me want to map out and tell this story because they're just so. good. at telling this kind of story. It's insane. I don't get it.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

For the longest time I watched AhnoldT101's Star Wars Galaxy Of Heroes streams and he started playing this song in the background. Everyone noticed because it was so good? It was so catchy? It was the kind of music I craved ever since I watched Tron Legacy? And he finally told everyone what that song was. The song was "Dangerous Dreams" by Lebrock.

And now you know where the name of the series came from.

I listened to this song and a lot of rain/thunderstorm ASMRs while writing The Storm to put myself in the mood. Actually, I listened to "Dangerous Dreams" in a nonstop loop for days, it was so bad.

The playlist I posted for The Suns is the playlist I listened to while writing that fic. When I was done, I arranged the songs in order because I'm Pretentious AF.

I have a writing mix for The Stars that is a lot of synthwave/retrowave, trailer music, and some genres of music that I don't know the name for but have a very epic fantasy feel to them. I'm sure most of the songs will be reused for the official ficmix when I get around to it.

JFC I did not mean to write so much but I sure do appreciate the opportunity to exercise my brain for the inevitable mad NaNo writing sprints.

Play ask games, win ask prizes!

#shirozora awkwardly responds to asks #dinluke #series: dangerous dreams #story: the storm #story: the suns #story: the stars #I JUST ALWAYS HAVE A LOT OF WORDS ABOUT THIS SHIP OKAY I'M SORRY I AM ALWAYS READY TO BARF WORDS #I LOVE THIS SHIP SO MUCH IT'S SO BAD I HAVE IT SO BAD FOR THEM JFC

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stirdrawsandreblaws · 2 years

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omg psykarion has the coolest name, PLEASE tell me about them

!!! :D Psykarion is one of my ttrpg characters; the game is Werewolf: the Apocalypse, but in a historical setting (specifically centered in Roman-occupied Britannia during the Hadrian era 130 CE). Psykarion is a mokolé, which is basically a were-lizard/dragon. The mokole are basically living cloud servers because they have access to Mnesis, which is a combination of the memories of every other mokole that ever lived, as well as the "memory" of old places with high spiritual impact, which is how he is a 20 year old that also basically lived through the sacking of Carthage. Lots of emotional issues from that and other things, haha

His name means "little breath" or "little soul" in Greek. He has several aliases though, and spends a lot of time crossdressing and changing identities while traveling from place to place. One of the (now-dead) npcs called him a word that basically meant gender-witch lmao, and he loved it, much to her dismay

I've posted art of him before in my draws tag but fuck it here's a comp of Game Doodles i did ages ago

I can't go into too much detail about his past because some of the other players might see his Backstory Secrets but: he is a freedman who used to be an actor, and believes he might be the last were-dragon left in the world after the Wars of Rage (basically the werewolves attempted genocide of all the other shapeshifters and succeeded at wiping out a few, like were-bats)

So he's been searching for others like him to confirm whether or not that's true; for a while he would shift into his suchid form (which is a long-extinct Greek monitor lizard, abt 3 ft long, unlike his 20ft archid "were-dragon" form which is actually still smallish for a mokolé) and hide in semi-hibernation amid boat cargo to avoid paying for transport, but he got discovered after leaving Gaul while in Lizard Torpor and was captured by these dudes who thought he was a land crocodile and tried to sell him as a cure for blindness (he went along with this because hey free travel and food, even if it's just raw rats and eggs or whatever, and he could go unnoticed by other turnskins...though that does mean he had his eyes gouged out a few times, he healed, which just cemented their belief in his value and got him better food for a while...which he decided was worth it, oof). So yeah. This was fine until he found out these new people who were buying him outright were werewolves planning to burn him alive in the hopes of restoring sight to a metis werewolf baby (that was born blind) for Sacrificial Curse reasons

Which means he was already plotting his escape when he overheard the other player characters investigating, and recognized the voice of someone he knew from his acting days (another actor named Pallas)...then escaped and went to find him and beg him for help before the horrible british winter killed his cold-blooded and mediterranean-born ass lmao

Which he got, after an interrogation by their kindly pack-totem, Mammoth (and oh how he wept for joy at that meeting!! Both of these creatures who have witnessed ages long past, now alone in a world moving on without them, but trying to endure all the same...!!!) Then he ended up going with these werewolves and their were-raven packmate (that he affectionately refers to as sun-sister) to stop the curse... and also to escape all the other werewolves who decided they were honor-bound to kill and dissect him lol. They managed to save the metis baby (though it still probably won't have a good end) and escaped to Cyrenaica because he was able to help their totem make a moon-bridge there via mnesis.

He and Pallas had a sort of weird mutual obsession at the time they met, and it turns out they still do, though their relationship is pretty fraught now since he found out Pallas is a Fancy Boy werewolf (high-purebreed silver fang, though he rejected his heritage and got cut the fuck up as a result)

Every other pic ive drawn of them together is a violation of tumblr tos so:

He's also short and full of rage, which means he fits right in with the werewolves for the most part, and that galls him a little. Still, they saved his life, and he theirs, and despite everything he sorta loves them all...

Alas he's going to say goodbye soon, and live basically a hermit life in what remains of the garden of the hesperides (which in our game is an ancient mokole wallow), and sometimes work with a small pack of sympathetic werewolves and a were-lion in Cyrene...also probably trying to hunt down kinfolk to breed more mokole with lol

Gonna just end this with more old shitpost doodles:

I love a him

#stirring up trouble #original characters #asks #im so sorry this is super long i couldn't get readmore to work #werewolf the apocalypse #mokole

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viiridiangreen · 2 years

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Copypasta'd my reply to that comment on this post bc I wanna keep it here for reasons Not to rant on your comment but......... I'm gonna. People always interpret the hypothetical "you wouldn't have been born" as if it were equivalent to dying NOW, *after* you've become a whole thinking feeling person with loved ones who would be sad if you were gone, or whom you would also be "k1lling" by "pushing the button". But like, Not Having Existed wouldn't be painful or a loss, the crux of that thought is PRECISELY non-existence. It wouldn't BE anything lmaooooo

The magic button of 'erase colonialism from History' we're talking about would alter the whole entire world in ways we can't fully imagine by reversing actual genocide. Millions of people and hundreds, maybe thousands of cultures would presumably be restored. It's so myopic and absurd to ask your interlocutor to weigh THAT against any one life- ESPECIALLY if said life is actively being made shittier by colonialism (both aftershocks of its OG form and its current, ongoing manifestation in shit like how The Economy and Industry and Politics™ function TO THIS DAY).

I get that it's a lil upsetting to think about, but NO actually, I like my life and love my people but me existing now is NOT "worth" the unimaginable pain and loss that set up the circumstances into which I was born. The fact that colonialism happened is actually categorically hideous. That nice stuff like people with ''''''mixed heritage''''''* who are personally pleasant, and unique cultural expressions like crafts and delicious food and whatnot that are very dear to the people who grew up w/ them ALSO happened in the wake of colonialism isn't a 'gotcha'. I've been hearing people throw this enormously dumb idea around as if it were a brilliant gotcha since childhood & I'm TIRED of hearing it.

*(read: who inherited a warped version of the culture of their coloniser ancestors alongside the few scraps that are left from their indigenous ancestors' culture which was systematically erased by the former, also a ton of the early '''mixing''' was like... rape)

Like I'm trying to experience & cause as much joy as I can now that I've landed in this wretched-ass existence, but the aspects of my life that relate to colonialism are all shitty, painful things. Throwing that in my face isn't the great argument they think it is.

Also I Have The Depression™. Or have been depressed. Or something (I don't have a great grasp of what my mental health status is bc I've had very limited access 2 mental healthcare. Bc I live in an economy still impacted by the effects of colonialism where seeking that out is Pretty Hard). In my case THAT means I've fantasised about vanishing or popping out of existence w/o the hassle of seeking out physical d3ath SO MANY TIMES. This imaginary "undo colonialism and disappear" button would be extremely welcome in so many ways than one to others like me...........

#viitalks

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moriforestman · 2 years

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Experienced racism by the Spokane PD due to my Asia heritage. I had some help in awareness training and self defense (and I'm thankful for the experiences).

Grew up in a normal middle class American family, then 9/11 happened and everything feel apart.

I need to consider early retirement due to the Third Opium War Crisis. I'd work a hospital but I was told I had to be Black, but I don't know. It'd be fun and have something to do, or I could work for the radio, that would be fun.

I'm trying to help get things back together, but I'm being imperialized against. So, I need to imperialized against them in order to restore peace which means going to war. But i can't since I've been personally targeted it seems, so all I can do is kiss ass and watch TV.

But for now I need to get my head right and and stay safe. So, Austin was kidnapped apparently, them I got kidnapped, but I made it back safely Austin is in Oxford and he just got his ID so he can get a job or at least disability now.

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theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin · 3 years

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You wrote your opinions on the Order of the Phoenix, what about the Death Eaters? That's another way of saying Lucius, Bellatrix, and anybody else. I honestly feel that we're running out of HP characters for you to write your opinion and reasoning about, so yeah~

We honestly are. When people start asking me questions about Harry’s nameless and faceless classmates I feel like we’re scraping the bottom of my barrel of Harry Potter opinions.

Though, that said, this is still a very large ask if you want me to analyze very Death Eater ever or even the Death Eaters as a whole (which is worthy of its own post).

So, we’ll compromise, and I’ll just look at the two you name dropped.

Lucius Malfoy

To me, Lucius is by far one of the more intelligent Death Eaters. He’s the guy who makes them almost look classy. I say almost, because Lucius is still a racist domestic terrorist and as the series goes on Tom gleefully drags him into being less classy by the minute (his house becomes a POW camp and housing for the dregs of society, Lucius just sobs, trying to be thankful he’s somehow still alive).

Lucius is rich, sophisticated, and is probably the most politically powerful man in the country. He has a beautiful wife he has... a son (sorry Draco, but you do not live up to your father) the guy has it all.

Which makes it very surprising that he got dragged into this mess. But you see, Lucius is paying for that tragedy we call youth.

Also, as a caveat, I’m about to headcanon hard and will not bother to get into the details of why I think x, y, or z in this post.

Ten years prior to the start of canon, Lucius is a very young man, probably very charismatic, certainly believes he’s intelligent and probably gets decent grades, but nonetheless the kind of stupid you see in men ages 15-25.

He’s likely chafing under his aging father’s strict guidance, knows he’s not going to be Lord Malfoy for years yet, wants to get out there, prove himself, and make a difference for his country. More importantly for Lucius, there’s this hip, exciting, new thing that all his cousins and friends are getting into called “The Death Eaters” (yes, I don’t believe the Knights of Walpurgis/Death Eaters 1.0 ever happened, I think it’s ridiculous that fandom and JKR does, I could go into why but not in this post).

The Death Eaters are led by the single handedly most beautiful, charismatic, man in Britain. (Yes, I headcanon Tom’s still blindingly attractive at this stage, because it makes much more sense to me but we’re not getting into that here.) A mysterious man by the name of Voldemort, Salazar Slytherin’s long lost heir, who has come to resurrect the wizarding world’s true heritage and purge the land of the muggle stain. (Yes, I do believe that no one, not even Lucius who is later given the diary, knew who Tom really was. I believe Regulus’ had only the vaguest idea, informed mostly by Tom’s use of Kreacher to place the locket.) This is the most exciting thing to have ever happened, the rallies probably consist of rich kids drunk out of their minds and maybe even high on a little wizard cocaine, and Lucius is down for it precisely because his father says “Lucius, this is stupid, please don’t embarrass the family.” WELL LUCIUS IS GOING TO EMBARRASS THE FAMILY, DAD! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!

And for a while, it looks like Lucius made the right choice. Things are happening, they’re actually going out and killing the mudbloods! Unlike Regulus, Lucius never has that “wait a minute” moment as he realizes that Voldemort’s actually far more efficiently eliminating pureblood families and sowing dissention in what was once a unanimous force among the Wizengamot (the other pureblood lords aren’t necessarily pro muggleborn, per se, but they get a bit queasy at the thought of blowing them up or Merlin forbid actually blowing up their own public venues wizards use).

And then October 31st, 1981 happens, and it all comes crashing down. Lucius has to desperately lie his ass off, having only the flimsiest lie to rely on, has to hand out a shit ton of bribes, and manages to squeeze his way out of being imprisoned in Azkaban.

I’m sure Abraxas looked at his son, with his tattoo on his arm that makes him another man’s slave, at the utter destruction of the Black family, and just shook his head going, “Clean up your mess, Dumbass Son”

And Lucius does to the best of his ability. While some will always suspect him of being a Death Eater, while some know it, he’s able to climb very high in influence in their ridiculously tiny community. Granted, I do think he messed up, and could never for example run for minister given everything (if Crouch can’t rerun then Lucius certainly can’t). He also shows us that in some ways he is not above the law, he’s very afraid his house will be searched without warrant in The Chamber of Secrets, and this is in part why he dumps Tom Riddle’s diary off onto Ginny.

However, he wields total control of the Prophet, has a seat on the Wizengamot, has the ear of the current Minister, is on the Hogwarts’ Board of Governors, and has his hands in pretty much every pie he can.

I imagine during this period Lucius grows up. He brushes the indiscretions of his youth under the carpet, gleefully leaving it all behind him, and the only real friend he maintains contact with from that period is Severus, the least zealot like of all of them. (Crabbe and Goyle Sr aren’t friends, they’re minions).

Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a racist slime bag, and I don’t think he really regrets the domestic terrorism. He just regrets nearly getting caught and putting his entire family’s security on the line. He witnessed first hand what happened to the Blacks.

And then the worst thing happens: Tom Riddle rises from the dead. He rises, impossibly, from the dead when Lucius has his own hand caught in the cookie jar.

Lucius has been living a life of luxury and influence while his great master, the man he had pledged everything to, was dead. Worse, Lucius took what was described as a treasured item to be protected at all costs, and not only threw it away but sent it to Hogwarts where it caused massive havoc and was ultimately destroyed.

And Lucius, I imagine, no longer wants to serve a master.

But he has no choice. And so begins Lucius’ descent into misery and hell as he’s given an increasing set of impossible, horrific, tasks in punishment that involve him watching as his wife and son are put through hell.

I believe Tom holds a special place in his cold, black, passive aggressive heart for Lucius Malfoy.

First, Tom makes Lucius’ house his headquarters. Oh, Lucius, you have a very nice, very large, estate? Why don’t you host your beloved, mad, cousin, her equally mad husband and brother-in-law? Oh, Bellatrix threatened to cut off your ear? Well, she’s just so passionate!

Second, Lucius is told to go get the prophecy. Well, this is easier said than done. He nearly succeeds but then it all turns into the world’s largest clusterfuck that ends in two notable things. First, the prophecy is lost forever, shattered. Second, the government admits that Voldemort is truly resurrected. Both of these things are very bad in Tom’s book. And the blame can easily be put on Lucius’ head.

In response to this, Draco is now given an impossible task that Draco is too stupid to realize is designed to cause him (and his family) as much misery as possible. Draco is to assassinate Dumbledore.

Likely, Tom was already informed by Snape that Dumbledore was dying. The blackened hand was too obvious a tell coming from too obvious a source for the pair to have hid it. I think trying to hide such information would have immediately blown Snape’s cover. So, Tom knows the man is dying, and doesn’t see fit to tell Draco this.

Instead, he tells Draco, “Kill Dumbledore as soon as possible or I deliver you to Fenrir Grayback.” Draco, however, is young and stupid, so he honestly thinks he is doing this to restore the family honor, earn glory for himself and for the cause, and is expected to do this entirely by himself. As a result, when Narcissa begs Snape to aid Draco, Draco blows them both off and only accepts help from Bellatrix because HE CAN DO THIS ON HIS OWN! DRACO IS A MAN.

This, of course, doesn’t work out either. Draco doesn’t deliver the killing blow, Snape does, but Tom decides to give him a pass.

Instead he moves on to his next plan which is making the Malfoy manor his torture chamber and POW camp. Even Draco, at this point, realizes this all kind of sucks.

And then Voldemort finally dies a second time, and I’m sure Lucius just stares numbly at his malformed corpse, wondering if it will really take this time.

So that’s Lucius for you, paying always for his mistakes, and pretending he’s just as much of a nutcase as Bellatrix to fit in.

Bellatrix LeStrange

God, compared to the novel that is Lucius’ ridiculous life, I really don’t have much to say about her because I feel like there’s not much too her.

Bellatrix reminds me a lot of the Manson family, she gives off those same vibes. Point being, I think even before Azkaban (while Azkaban certainly didn’t help), she was insane and a little too worshipful of Voldemort.

I guess I can start there, I don’t think Bellamort is a thing, at all.

Tom may have, probably did, have sex with her before he died but afterwards? In that body? Forget about it.

That said, I’m sure Bellatrix both wanted to have sex and is convinced she did have sex to produce whatever the hell Delphi even is. It just wasn’t with Tom, and probably was Rodolphous with a Halloween mask on his face as they got a little too into role play.

And there we go, I suppose, I can’t take Bellatrix seriously. You often see her portrayed as sexy femme fatale Death Eater, the most competent of all of them, if a bit of a sadist.

Oh she might be a very good duelist but she’s... Bellatrix.

She prances around in corsets, shrieking madly, and just what part of that is supposed to be femme fatale? I literally cannot take her seriously on any level. When I even try to write her seriously, in very serious stories, I end up with lines like the following:

"My lord, if there's anything you need… Anything from me, specifically, as a woman…"

- Bright Eyes

That was my best attempt. That was the best I could come up with. It’s still something that belongs in a comedy.

So, I don’t think Tom really corrupted her. I think without Voldemort she still probably would have been blowing up Diagon Alley, just in a much less organized manner.

Even in canon she does ridiculous things. For example, Bellatrix, frankly, could have easily avoided prison.

For weeks after the dark lord fell neither she, her husband, Barty, nor her brother-in-law were arrested. Bellatrix in grief and utter disbelief that the dark lord could ever do something so mortal as die, said “remember that other house our lord mentioned, THEY MIGHT HAVE INFORMATION, LET’S GO MURDER THE LONGBOTTOMS!” They torture and kidnap Frank, demanding he tell them where their master is, THEY KNOW HE KNOWS. He doesn’t know. They go too far and torture the man into being a vegetable. “Shit, GET THE WIFE!” They go get the wife, do the same thing, with the same results.

They now have no information on the dark lord, two well regarded aurors tortured into brain damage, and are quickly caught and brought before the court with absolutely no “I was imperiused” excuse they can give out.

How am I supposed to take her in any way seriously?

I mean, to end your life killed in a duel with Molly Weasley. That just says it all.

#ask #anon

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Animaniacs: King Yakko Review (Comission by BlahDiddy)

Hello my beautiful technicolor rainbow! It’s time for Animaniacs, and while there is no balonga in my slacks there is one last christmas review for my friend to finish up, and after two visits to Acme Lab for the spinoff we’re finishing up with a look at Animaniacs proper. Suprisingly for a show that stands so easily on it’s own it’s existance is entirely thanks to another show: Tiny Toon Adventures, which had largely the same staff, including ep and co-creator stephen speilberg and Todd Ruegger, who was brought aboard from A Pup Named Scooby Doo. Since TIny Toon was a colossal hit with tons of awards and merch, including some very good video games I wish Warner would find a way to re-release, I mean.. come on if disney can rerelease the disney afternoon games (If...not..for..switch), and LIon King and Aladdin games (If somehow FOR switch), then Warner, which has it��s own game stuido no less, can put together a collection of the good Tiny Toons games when the new show comes out soon.

Point is it was a mass sucess and Warner Bros likes money, so they had Speilberg try to get Rutger to come up with another show for the two of them to do, something with name value. Rutger found his inpsiration when seeing the iconic warner water tower and taking some platypus characters, came up with our heroes and the rest is history.. well okay he retooled them from plataups’ to early looney tunes and other toons style characters minus the racisim of say bosko the tall ink kid but still, the rest after that is history. And the rest of this review is after the cut

The show was, and KINDA still is, a variety show: taking a page from looney tunes, as well as tex avery’s other work, the crew decided rather than just focus on the warners, to instead create a whole cast with various ensembles to work with so we got Pinky and the Brain, The Goodfeathers, Rita and Runt, the Hip HIppos, Katie Kaboom, Chicken Boo, and my personal faviorite Slappy Squirrel.. and the bane of my existance, Buttons and Mindy.. or rather Mindy’s Mom. The kid did nothing wrong. So naturally the first thing Animaniacs related I cover.. is an episode entirely breaking from format for one 20 something minute Warners cartoon. I do intend to do more animanics stuff in the future, so i’ll hopefully get a chance to talk about everyone, I just feel unlike with say house of mouse most people reading this probably know who they all are, and I can save any deep dives for if I cover the characters specifically. Spoilers: there’s probably never going to be a buttons and mindy deep dive unless someone tourtues me by paying for it.

So with that out of the way, we can dive into the episode.. which I won’t be covering in my usual recap it point by point because the writers have freely admitted that’s not what Animaniacs is about. While some of i’ts SEGMENTS are more story based like Pinky and the Brain, Goodfeathers and Rita and Runt, most are just based on simple set ups to reams and reams of gags. And I love it. I grew up with this stuff not just Tiny Tunes and Animaniacs but the classic Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry and Droopy shorts.

Their well timed, well executed feats of comedy and most have aged pretty well.. emphasis on MOST. I’m keenly aware why there are several gaps in the shorts for both Tom and Jerry and The Looney Tunes on HBO Max, including all of the Pepe LePew and Speedy Gonzalez shorts. Also all of Droopy is missing.

My grumblin aside though, it is VERY NICE to have all the classic Warner and Tom and Jerry shorts at my fingertips and it was one of the biggest selling points of Max for me. Last year I gained an intrest in the old disney theatrical shorts, hence my various birthday specials, so I BADLY wanted to revisit the theatrical shorts I grew up with. And honestly.. Max is the best way to do that: their in crisp hd, in neat season collections (Though the Looney Tunes one is better sorted, tom and jerry’s seasons are just.. random smatterings of shorts across various eras), and most importantly EVERY SHORT they felt comfortable with putting up there is on there. Every. Single. One. I make a big deal about this because Disney.. has only maybe 30-40 of their hundreds of shorts on there. Now lucky for me the vast majority are still on youtube and I get why some really arne’t suitable.. we probably don’t need the donald duck short where he prepares to shoot a penguin in the face or the Goofy short where his own reflection, the goofy equilvent of tyler durden I guess?, keeps saying “Hey Fat” to him. And yes BOTH of these actually happened. But.. there’s MANY shorts with no clear excuse why their absent like the triplets first apperance, gus’ only apperance, and one a friend told me about.. that time mickey built a robot to box a gorillia. Again not making this up, just wondering why you can’t restore the rest of these for plus. They’ve ADDED shorts ocasionally, but it still dosen’t make a whole lot of sense to just.. not have them all up there. and to not put them in some sorta collection for easier consumption but hey it’s Disney. They either full ass things or half ass it. There is no middle ground. Point is Warner.. actually cares about their heritage in shorts and honors it and thus has everything avaliable in the best quality, so tha’ts nice.

My point after that detour is I really love this kind of humor, and now as an adult I can see the effort the timing, pacing and character chemistry these shorts had takes. And Rugger and co.. they got it. They got it down perfect. And this episode is a great show of that and just how they barely updated this format for the 90′s. But as I said it’s more about the jokes and basic setup, our heroes are slotted into x scenario and just left to run wild. It’s been the basic seutp for looney tunes, tom and jerry and all the gag based greats, and it works perfectly here. Sure there’s some setting and continuity with the warner lot, scratch n sniff, ralph, plotz and in the reboot Rita, but it’s mostly just our heroes go up against “X asshole” and it just works.

And that’s.. entirley what this episode is. The short is an homage to the graucho marx film Duck Soup, which given the warners were based on the marx brothers that isn’t a huge suprise, a film like brian’s song I have not seen, but genuinely want to. The basic setup is the same: An underqualified womanizer, though since htis is Yakko it dosen’t get past hitting on his chancelor, played by hello nurse, constantly, which is still.. ewwwww... but clearly not the same thing, becomes king of a small nation and ends up at war with another country. There were spies and other stuff in the original short but that was left out to streamline things. But this homage stands on it’s own fine: The basic plot is this: Yakko, due to being a distant relative and the last one alive, becomes king of the small happy and very musical, as the wonderful opening number shows, country of Anvilania, which makes anvils and why yes there is one MASSIVE anvil gag as a result at the end. Yakko says he’ll try his best and geninely tries to with the shenanigans you’d expect, including Dot not gettnig Polka Dot’s are a thing and instead taknig any mention of it as a sign to polka, Yakko again hitting on his colleague and wanting ot get a new anthem because the current one by “Perry Coma’ puts people to sleep. Honeslty that gag didn’t do it for me: Partly because I genuinely know next to nothing about Como and he’s far past my generation.. and because despite this, SCTV did a MUCH better Perry Como gag over a decade before this episode that while still left me baffled as to why anyone cared about mocking him, was 80 times funnier and felt far less like you needed to know who he was to be funny.

youtube

That being said it’s one of only three running gags, and jokes period that didn’t land for me. The other ones being the hello nurse bits, because it’s aged really badly to have Yakko harass one of his employees and his age is hte only thing that keeps it from scuttling the episode as he’s just 13 or 14. Maybe 15.

So SO glad I now have that on hand whenever i need it. The other being the “Your highness” joke as it just.. dosen’t make much sense and isn’t very funny. But that’s it: a refrence i specfically don’t get and I doubt most of you will, and if you do fine we all have our frames of refrences, a joke that’s dated very poorly, and one that just.. didn’t land. And even then the Perry Coma thing’s third use to knock out the opposing army DID work for me as did the VERY clever joke of “Sire” “Maybe later”, so even the weaker bits still had some legs. But getting back to what little plot there is the king of the rival country, upon hearing this, assumes he can easily intimidate a child into giving him the throne and goes to a royal reception. Instead, as you’d expect, the Warners mistake him for a party clown, show him no respect and fail to take his delcration of war seriously, and while in a REALLY great gag, and the reason i’m not doing a strict summary is 90% of the review would be me saying something to that effect, Yakkos’ call to action for his troops ends up having them all run off in fear, the Warners take out the army as noted above and then in one of the most GLORIOUS climaxes in the series history...

In which the Warners give the bad guy “all the anvils” as he requested. I sadly coulnd’t find a clip of it but seek it out if you got hulu, my words can’t do it justice as they hit him with anvil after anvil in increasingly clever and insane ways till the guy finally gives up and it .. is glorious. Other highlights not already mentioned include: The opening song, the bad guy dictator from the other nation not being able to hear because of his helmet and his attendee having to lift it, leading to Yakko taking off his helmet just to end the “what’ running gag, Yakko’s bit explaning his distant relation and more. So yeah not a ton to say on this one. It’s a very good, very funny episode but also very typical of a warner cartoon in structure, just stretched over 22 or so minutes. As I said with few exceptions the jokes work, the anmation is crisp as always, and the climax is one of the series best. A crisp, quick watch and a nice quick review after a week of with some really tough ones behind me and ahead of me and a month of rather large ones a few weeks out. So yeah if you like animaniacs, even ifyou’ve seen this one worth a watch, if you have any more animaniacs you’d like me to take a look at feel free to comment or comission and until the next rainbow..

#animaniacs #yakko warner #dot warner #wakko warner #anvilania #hello nurse #king yakko #duck soup #goodnight everybody #hulu #warner bros #kids wb

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iphisesque · 4 years

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TELL US EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR FEDE II PERIOD DRAMA 👀

*drags my metaphorical soapbox over and climbs on it* WELL SINCE YOU ASK SO KINDLY

So season 1 is more of a prequel, and is focused on Ruggero II, first king of Sicily and Certified Hottie: we see him fighting against the Germans and Lotarius to restore order and law in South Italy, lots of Funky Schismatic Papacy Shenanigans with Pope Innocent II and Antipope Anacletus II fighting over who gets to sit in the big chair and Ruggero supporting+getting crowned by Anacletus (and then immediately being excommunicated ✨ family genes), and of course his sexy multicultural and peaceful court in Palermo thriving with no less than one harem + the king being honoured with an Arabic title and Idrisi being a messy gay bitch. It's a bit like Cosimo's season in The Medici, you love him, but you know he's just the starter to Lorenzo/Federico's whole ass meal 😋😋😋 NOTEWORTHY SCENES/juicy comparisons for gif makers: Ruggero being crowned King of Sicily and us seeing that gorgeous royal cape with the Arabic inscriptions for the first time, him getting his excommunication notice (contrast with Fede's 387 excommunications), him nearly going for a crusade but then getting bored of fighting Byzantium and vibing in Corfu (contrast to Fede actually completing the crusade), his marriage to half-arab queen Elvira of Seville and them being couple goals + baby Guglielmo being born 🥰 A small change we will make to history: Costanza, Ruggero's daughter, was historically born posthumous to him, but here she will be born in the last year of his life, perhaps with a scene of him holding her and tenderly looking over Palermo from a window being the closing shot of the season.

Season 2 opens with a bang: Costanza, whom we left as a babe tenderly swaddled by her father in the last season, is now 40 and very publicly giving birth in the town square in Jesi, Marca Anconetana, while her husband Henry VI is off somewhere in Sicily killing small nobles and generally being evil. Cut to the compulsory Skin-voiced opening credits, and we're back in Palermo, where we zoom from the generic albeit very pretty panorama into a market square known as Ballarò. A small, red-haired child is running through the stands, possibly chasing down his friends and stealing an orange from an old man; the banniatori are screaming, the church bells are ringing the time, and all of a sudden the muezzin is calling the children of Allah to the mosque for the Friday prayer, which Federico sneaks into, looking at the men and women praying with their children and feeling a sad pang in the heart. Back at the palace, he angsts a lot, plays chess and studies with his multiethnic tutors, longs for the sea, and meets Berardo di Castacca, archbishop of Palermo and royal advisor/Pope-assigned father figure; insert scenes where it appears clear he despises the German heritage that has destroyed the kingdom and greatly idolises Ancient Rome and his grandfather Ruggero, and that he wants to bring Sicily back to Norman splendor, and then all of a sudden he's 14, getting married to local MILF Costanza d'Aragona, getting crowned king at 16 and leaving to conquer Germany at 18. We spend few episodes in Germany because I don't care for the crucchi, but suffice to say he conquers it, gets crowned emperor, makes friends with Hermann von Salza and writes long letters to his love Costanza and his son Enrico, probably starts writing some poetry as he misses the Sicilian troubadours, and also has some sexytimes with Adelaide von Urslingen which result in baby Enzo being born. In 1220 he comes back to Sicily: it's the blossoming of the poetic Scuola Siciliana, it's Federico working on reforming the laws, it's South Italy in all its splendour, it's a multicultural interreligious epicenter of culture like Ruggero's court magnified; it's a humble unmarried notary from Capua catching Federico's eye as he enlists his help to compile the Liber Augustalis, and it's late nights in the Palermo summer as they're up late in the royal chambers thinking up laws and Federico takes off his shirt because of the heat, and maybe Piero stares at him a little longer than appropriate but what little guilt he has disappears when he catches Federico staring back and maybe just for one, two, a thousand nights the marriage bed is not as empty as Costanza's death had left it. We also somehow tackle the Lucera mess from different lenses and with a nuanced perspective, without anyone coming off as entirely right or wrong. Wouldn't you know it, it's Crusades time! Federico marries the child that is Jolanda di Brienne and refuses to touch her, instead preferring his harem and the bride's cousin, much to the chagrin of her father. He also meets Bianca Lancia and they probably share some foreshadowing longing looks as they dance next to one another, but that's entirely besides the point; anyways, Federico procrastinates going to war with sugar sultan Al-Kamil by first trying and failing to call a Diet and then almost dying of a pestilence+getting excommunicated 😊 after which he decides to maybe go do this fucking Crusade already, waltzes into Jerusalem and draws up a treaty with Al-Kamil, without a drop of Muslim blood being shed. He flirts with Al-Kamil and they're implied to have fucked at some point, then he walks into the cathedral despite being forbidden from entering churches as an excommunicated, he takes the crown and puts it on his own head as the crowd erupts in screams of joy and lauds the new King of Jerusalem: a godless king for the Holy Land of three religions. FADE TO BLACK

Season 3 follows Federico as he consolidates his power more and more and then gradually declines, minting a gold coin and issuing the Liber Augustalis with the help of his most beloved Piero, removing his rebel son Enrico from the throne of Germany, trying and failing to conquer Northern Italy, antagonizing the Pope and getting excommunicated again and again (we see a lot more Papacy Shenanigans this time as the papal court is practically besieged and as Innocent IV is a bitch). As Federico gets older, we see a lot more of his religious/philosophical side too, which we already met in S2: he debates with Pier delle Vigne, with the greatest theologians of all faiths and creeds, of matters such as human nature and life, and develops a more nuanced sense of faith, despite never becoming a Christian. He also writes a lot, both with the now world-famous Scuola Siciliana and on his own falconry treatise; he loves Bianca as he loves Piero, his two dearest beloved, and he takes care of his children far more than he ever did with Enrico, as he secures Enzo the throne of Sardinia (he is later imprisoned in Bologna and never freed, and accidentally helps develop the transitional school which would influence the Stilnovo) and spoils Manfredi, who later marries and has a child he names Costanza, who Fede adores. Bianca's death and Piero's supposed betrayal (which we're shown not to be true) break his heart twice over, and he unexpectedly dies soon after, likely poisoned, being given the blessings by his archbishop and friend Berardo and having one last heart-wrenching talk with him about legacy and faith before dying. The last scene functions as an epilogue of sorts: it's the Sicilian Vespers, 32 years after Federico's death, and Costanza II, now the Queen of Aragon, is offered the crown of Sicily alongside her husband. They accept to help the Sicilians, and the closing shot is them sailing towards Trapani, as Costanza narrates all that has gone down in those years to her husband/the audience, and the screen fades to black while a brief recounting of the Wars of the Vespers appears in overlay. FIN

This was a WILD ride and it's honestly not even all my thoughts on this, I could and probably will elaborate more in the future -- in the meantime, I hope you enjoy this non-proofread thought dump as much as I enjoyed writing it 💖💖💖

#federico ii shitposting #fave #I'm sorry for the wall of text I'm on mobile browser 😭😭#federico ii blogging

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frstbiitten · 4 years

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@paindealt ha dicho: while makin icons i was reminded of Dat Intro and liiiiiiiike if Frost was dead to Kuai "long ago" then how come he seems visibly upset (and surprised) that she went alongside Sektor??? lmao

ANALYZING THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN SUB-ZERO AND FROST: A POST by someone who doesn’t write Kuai Liang but still

Okay, taking first the Story Mode in consideration since I’m looking at the chapter right now and analyzing every single second of it and expression (Hanzo... sweetie... the muscles of your face, use them), let’s just start with the moment they see Cyrax and this Mysterious Woman entering the laboratory. Kuai just had his first bit of sad momentTM when seeing people of his clan killed and there are guts everywhere... he has to live ALL OF THIS ALL OVER AGAIN, and obviously, his expression while holding that medallion is the one of someone who loved his clan and I dare to say, that he was like a father to them. Now, let’s go back to that moment I mentioned. They see this mysterious woman... AND THEY SEE CYRAX!! He is there, and that surprises Kuai Liang in a bittersweet manner since you can see it on his face. When it comes the moment to jump into action, Kuai, JUST IN CASE, he freezes the Mysterious Woman in case she’s a threat to them and go straight for Cyrax, well, Hanzo does it and is a great distraction, when suddenly...

Mysterious Woman is Frost no less and she is a cyborg... no less.

And this is like a bucket of cold water on his face, he is notoriously surprised and upset as you say, after all these years he gets to see his greatest pupil and all the memories come to him, perhaps he thought that her destiny took another turn (going back to California, death, anything but clearly NOT THIS), but another thing...

Kuai tries to knock some sense into her head. I mean, if someone was ‘dead for you long ago’, would you try to bring out these facts to them? Try to knock some sense into their heads even if they are long gone to be back to how they were before? Kuai has all the reasons to be upset, you can listen to his anger and sadness when he mentions about all he did for her (to me, I think this is also a sign about how well they knew each other, how else he would know she had no home before joining the Lin Kuei? Of course, Frost TRUSTED Kuai enough to reveal this piece of her past). ALSO I want to remark Kuai’s facial expressions when saying that there is no future in which she leads the Lin Kuei: sadness, anger, and inquisitory finger, and perhaps holding back his tears? Whatever, you can see how terrible he is feeling now.

Now let’s talk about the worst part: Frost’s death.

I don’t know why, but this little piece of her dialogue before going for Raiden is an attempt from the writers to foreshadow her death... I mean, Raiden ‘ignored her through her entire life’ and how funny that is Raiden who puts an end to her life. Also, I think they tried to make you feel a little tiny bit of sympathy for the devil here. Like this is a reminder right here that Frost went from ‘Nothing to Everything’, got so intoxicated with the desires of power that hell, there’s no stopping from this point.

Okay, now the bad part...

This the expression of a man who’s just so disappointed and having a really bad time, and the worst part is when he realizes that Frost was controlling the Cyber Initiative all this time, not Sektor. Even if he hasn’t realized about it yet, you can notice that he’s truly hurting by how everything turned out, remarks about her wasted potential (Kuai KNOWS that Frost is so capable of being more, that she could have been Grandmistress if she was more patient, and even named her is heir to the title of Sub-Zero).

So, let’s go for the last part of this long-ass post about me trying to prove something obvious and looking deeper into it because I have no self-control and I’m screaming as I type this:

The Dialogues

Frost - Sub-Zero

Frost: Here to criticize me again? Sub-Zero: I held you to a higher standard. Frost: You held me back!

Frost: The circle is complete, Sub-Zero. Sub-Zero: You were a talented student once. Frost: And now, I'm the master.

Frost: I'm done with your pretentious lectures. Sub-Zero: No power is worth trading your soul. Frost: That's a perfect example.

Frost: I was your heir apparent. Sub-Zero: If only you'd been more patient, Frost. Frost: Like I'm patiently waiting to kill you?

Sub-Zero - Frost

Sub-Zero: Here to face the Grandmaster? Frost: I'm here to take your place. Sub-Zero: You are not ready, Frost.

Sub-Zero: I have no wish to strike you. Frost: You can't hurt me, Grand-bastard. Sub-Zero: Even iron rods can be ground to needles.

Sub-Zero: Was I such a poor mentor? Frost: Mentor? You were an obstacle! Sub-Zero: All tests are hard before they are easy.

Sub-Zero: The Lin Kuei are done with you. Frost: They will follow me in the New Era. Sub-Zero: That era will never come.

On one side we have Frost simply spitting out poison, making remarks about how terrible mentor he was, that he didn’t help her to explore her entire potential, that his lectures are pretentious. And on the other side, we have Sub-Zero who’s just... he’s just tired, he’s having a bad time having to see his best pupil becoming everything he has feared before, Kuai was FORCED to be a Cyber Lin Kuei, that whole experience traumatized him and has done his very best to overcome that trauma by restoring the clan in his own way. These lines of dialogue still don’t reveal enough about how it was their relationship in the past... but there is one which is pretty interesting, and it can be considered as Kuai’s last attempt to let Frost know that he cares for her still:

Sub-Zero: I have no wish to strike you. Frost: You can't hurt me, Grand-bastard. Sub-Zero: Even iron rods can be ground to needles.

Kuai doesn’t want to hurt Frost, if she was ‘dead for him so long ago’ as he says in that intro with the Joker, why even try? Wouldn’t you just go and kill your own student if they were like Frost to let them know how dead they are for you? If you can find this intro with them maskless, is pretty interesting because they’re both hurting here, even Frost looks sad in this intro without the mask when she says that he can’t hurt her, and Kuai’s voice is the one of someone who’s so sad and upset.

Also, it’s so obvious that Kuai refuses to kill her or even fight against her, like, these are the intros between Frost - Kitana and Liu Kang:

Kitana: I must take you to Sub-Zero, Frost. Frost: Since when do you do his bidding? Kitana: Since we chose cooperation over kombat.

Frost: We have no quarrel, Liu Kang. Liu Kang: I'm bringing you back to Sub-Zero. Frost: Attempt it and you die.

The Kahn of Outworld and The Chosen One are out there working together for a common cause: bring Frost back to Sub-Zero, a petition made by him no less. They don’t suggest anything about ‘Sub-Zero wants to kill you’ or anything referring to him ending with her life, no no, they just want to bring her to him, and this gives me memories of... the OG timeline...

Frost’s ending in Deadly Alliance:

As they traveled back to the portal that would return them to Earthrealm, Sub-Zero revealed to Frost that she had been an integral part in the destruction of the Deadly Alliance, and that he was proud to have her as a member of the Lin Kuei clan. But unknown to Sub-Zero, Frost's true intention for joining the Lin Kuei was to become Grand Master herself. She used her ice blast to temporarily immobilize him and ripped the Dragon Medallion from his chest. As she held the medallion, she felt power surge through her body. Lacking the strength and discipline required to control the medallion's immense power, she was consumed by her own freezing ability.

Sub-Zero’s Bio in Deception / Unchained:

"My fellow Lin Kuei, Frost, had betrayed me and stolen my Dragon Medallion. Unable to control the medallion' s power, she was consumed by her own freezing ability. I searched Outworld for a suitable place to bury her remains when I happened upon ancient ruins carved into a mountainside. I learned that the ruins were a holy structure belonging to a lost race of people who had attained mastery over the cold. After thorough study of this culture, I now believe both Frost and myself to be their descendants. I laid Frost's body in a sarcophagus and left the catacombs, donning the armor of my newly discovered heritage."

Frost’s ending in Deception / Unchained:

Sub-Zero returned to Earthrealm only to find many of his clan slain by Frost. She had come back to the Lin Kuei temple with the intention of killing only him, but she was now delirious and saw Sub-Zero everywhere. Sub-Zero blasted her with intense cold, freezing her until she could be revived and cured of her dementia. He laid her on an altar in the chamber of fallen Lin Kuei and sealed the room with a wall of ice. Frost will one day recover. When that day comes, she will have to answer for her crimes against the Lin Kuei.

Kuai also cared for Frost in the Original Timeline, besides of not expressing this so much because of how DA/D were written and displayed, there’re these bits in their bio cards and endings that show that Kuai Liang cared and even was proud of her. Most important here: he wants to give her a proper burial after her betrayal, he carries her to these mountains in Outworld to put her in this ice sarcophagus once, he does it twice then believing that she will answer for her crimes against the clan. All of this is because he respects Frost enough to not let her decaying like the corpse of an enemy (is interesting how is mentioned in his MKDA ending that he took Frost back to the Lin Kuei, but in his MKD bio card he says that he left her in this place in Outworld that was casually a vestige of who they are). Anyway, this got longer than expected so now you have to read this word vomit.

PS: I had to watch Frost dying again, I just want you to know that I hate that scene so much that I always skip it. I watched it only bc of this...

#paindealt #((my followers are going to kill me for this long ass post))#((but know that I cry when I think of them))#((also it's still shocking to me that comment of him saying that TO JOKER))#((THE JOKER))#((THE INFAMOUS JOKER THAT HAS NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN.... HOWWW????))#((I don't like to think that they share this sentiment when it comes to Frost... I'm in denial))#long post #❄‖ ∵ｓｏｆｉ.ｅｘｅｈａｓｓｔｏｐｐｅｄｗｏｒｋｉｎｇ∴ — ooc.

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calliecat93 · 4 years

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Top 10 Favorite Female Characters

Happy International Women’s Day everyone! For many years now, there have been a lot of strides made in women’s rights. It’s still far, FAR from perfect, but we’ve still made many strides and fiction is no exception. So I thought, in celebration of today, I’d talk about some of my favorite female characters of all time. I had a LOT of options and narrowing it down was tough, but I think I made a pretty good list. So let's get on with it~

10. Kimberly Hart/The Pink Ranger (Power Rangers)

I don’t talk about Power Rangers a lot on here, but let me tell you all. Kimberly is one of the first female superheroes I ever saw, and I love her so much. She begins as a one-dimensional valley girl type, though still a good-hearted person. She’s the token girly-girl while Trini was more of the token tomboy. But Kimberly over time developed form being the least willing to be a Ranger, to devoting herself full-heartedly to her duties. She could kick just as much ass as her fellow rangers, and look pretty while she did so.

Kim was a fantastic character, especially in a boy-aimed tokusatsu adaptation. There have been many other great Pink Rangers since her time. Heck my actual favorite Pink Ranger of all time is Jen from Time Force. But the reason Kim is on here and not here? Kim is the one who started it all. She and Trini defined kickass female Rangers and none of the ones we have now would have existed without the original ladies. And as much as I also liked Trini.. well... I think that Kim is the clear stand-out among most female rangers, especially since she lasted so long. I was so sad when she left and especially how Zeo screwed her character over with that stupid Dear John letter to Tommy as well as how the 2017 movie wrote her because it just made her incredibly unsympathetic and unlikeable. But she left one Hell of a legacy and I love her.

9. Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)

Despite my feelings about the author in recent years, Harry Potter is still a series I grew up on and love. Albeit I’m one of the few who got into the films more than the books, but still. The one thing that got me into the series? Hermione. She begins as a bit of a snooty know-it-all, always rubbing her knowledge int he faces of others and coming off as kind of a brat. But we soon see that she really doesn't know how to make friends and is a serious student and good person. Once Harry and Ron befriend her, we see how much of a brave, loyal, and determined girl she is, using her brains and talent in academics to get all the info they need. They would have died multiple times without this girl.

Hermione is someone we grow up with and kind of the representative of young girls. We watch her as she struggles with her status as a Muggle-born witch, how her pursuit of knowledge can overwhelm her, and of course what happens when she realizes her feelings for Ron. I... am not a huge fan of the pairing for many reasons, but her frustration and struggle feel very real. She makes mistakes, some more called out than others, but she does genuinely strive to do good And through it all, she is loyal to Harry and to the fight against Voldemort, growing to be proud of who she is and of her heritage as a ‘mudblood’. Even n the final book, where she’s forced to erase her parents memories to protect them, Ron abandoning her and Harry, and getting tortured by Bellatrix, none of it stops her from fighting for what she believes in.

Looking back now, Hermione has her problems both in the books and the films. Some of Ron's better moments got lost because the writer favored her which I can see whyt hat annoyed many people (I’m not one of them, but still), and the whole House Elf plot in the book has some... not great implications. But it doesn't stop Hermione from being a strong female character who is intelligent, brave, and Emma Watson’s strong performance really helped bring her to life. She ain’t perfect, but I still grew up watching her and I will always be grateful for that fact.

8. April O’Neil (TMNT 2012)

Screw the people who hated on her, April is awesome!

Really April in any incarnation of the Turtles is awesome. 2k3, Rise, the films. heck despite her being kidnapped every episode, even OT April was determined as Hell and you wouldn’t get in her way! But since I’m only picking one here, I gotta go with her 2k12 self. Her 2k3 self is also a close contender, but this was the version I spent the most time watching and for any of you who have follow me long enough knows, I spent a LOOOOT of time defending her from ship haters.

Looking back now, yeah there are some problems. Her limited screentime in S1, some of the Kraang stuff got rushed/crammed in, her missing mom story went nowhere, her being Donnie’s love interest. there’s plenty of problems. But those are more story issues than actual character issues. The last one especially si more an issue with Donnie’s character than April since she herself was NEVER defined by the ‘love interest’ card. She never existed for that purpose, and it shows especially by the end.

April began as a helpless, but very determined girl hoping to save her father after their abduction in which only she got saved. She spends most of her time getting intel for the Turtles while undergoing training from Splinter. She slowly, but gradually, grows into a capable kunoichi who can hold her own and gradually becomes an equal to her reptilian companions. She’s friendly, takes shit from no one, and she is probably the biggest Determinator in the entire series where ven when utterly helpless, she will STILL be defiant until the bitter end. he goes through Hell, and every single time she finds a way to pull herself together and forge on.

Despite how I fell off the series by the end, I was very happy with where April ended. From a girl just wanting her life back, to accepting her reality and making it her own. She trains herself in both ninjutsu and her new psychic abilities and becomes a kunoichi in her own right with them. She was even able to hold her own against Shredder! This girl became a badass and while there are issues here and there, I think she by far had some of the best development in the series. She remains my favorite character in 2012, y favorite April, and she has more than earned her spot on this list.

7. Avatar Korra (The Legend of Korra)

Another character who got unnecessary hate! Oh wait, that happens to every female character ever. Silly me!

Korra is what made LoK so great to me. She is a bull-headed, somewhat arrogant girl who has devoted her entire life to being the Avatar. She is the anti-Aang, so much so that she is terrible at Air Bending. But she’s also a very determined girl and went to Republic City to make Tenzin train her. Over the course of the series, we see how despite her arrogance, she is a good person who is truly devoted to her duty and genuinely wants to protect everyone. But she’s faced with her own vulnerabilities and flaws as a person as she has to learn to allow others to help/guide her and learn from her mistakes. And HO BOY does she make MANY mistakes.

Over four seasons, we watch Korra grow. She’s faced with the fact that she is vulnerable in S1 and while she doesn't fully overcome it, she does so enough to face Amon despite knowing what’ll happen to her. In S2, she faces the worse of herself but in doign so, truly improves herself and puts things right while letting go of most of her arrogance. S3 has her a much more well-rounded person trying to do what’s right, but it ended in her torture, poisoning, and she is just broken by the end. S4 has her slow recovery both physically and mentally and the road is long, hard, and just painful. But by the end, she accepts what happened and is able to find the balance to restore her power, return to her duties, and save the world from utter calamity.

I related so uch to Korra, moreso than I did Aang. She got a lot fo hate for her attitude and... well, not being Aang. But she grew so much and I loved how much of a badass and fully layered character she was. Yeah, she wasn’t Aang, that was a good thing. I loved her form the beginning, and I loved her even more by the end. She’s a great example of a female protagonist and shows that yes, a female action heroine CAN work. The Avatar franchise has many outstanding female characters (Katara, Toph, Suki, Azula, Asami, Jinora, Kuvira) but to me, Korra beats them all and I love her.

6. Wonder Woman

Well I couldn’t leave off the most well-known female superhero of all time now, could I?

Wondy is awesome. I first saw her on Superfriends back when Cartoon Network reran it. While it is a super campy show, Wondy was a true hero who stood equal to her male companions and was just as capable of saving the day as them. She was pretty much the only main female, so of course she was the one I was drawn to and I loved seeing her in action. But she could fall into the Damsel in Distress role cause... well, girl and lie I said, Superfriends is super campy. But I took what I could get int hose days!

Fortunately, Wondy has had much better media rep since... and in fact before with the Lynda Carter series. I hadn’t seent hat when I was a kid and while it’s cheesy, Wondy was still a badass there who easily held her own. Her Justice League DCAU self was when I really fell in love with her. Kind, beautiful, righteous, and an utter powerhouse. Seriously, I think she kicked more ass than anyone in both the original and Unlimited series. She has two animated DC films, which are both pretty dang good. Bloody, but good!

But of course, we have the Gal Gadot film. This was the film that arguably has saved the DC Cinematic Universe, and for good reason. While I’m not a big fan of Wondy being a demigod, she still showed why he’s so good. She’s a true hero wanting to do good, and in a setting like World War One, that is hard to find. She’s caring, devoted, strong, and is just a shining example of a true hero. She inspires hope in a cinematic universe that thrived off of grittiness, and Thank God we have her. I can only hope that the sequel holds the same quality, but nothing will take this away.

Wonder Woman is awesome. They screw her up sometimes, both ina nd out of comics. But there is no doubt that she earned her spot as a beloved feminist icon, as well as her spot here on this list.

#5. Kim Possible

You do not know how obsessed with this show I used to be. It is probably my all-time favorite Disney animated series of all time. Why? Because of it’s clever writing, fun humor, great action, and of course it’s characters. Kim especially.

She is the girl who can do anything, and she lives up to that claim. She’s a cheerleader by day, crime fighter by night, and she handles those worlds flawlessly... for the most part. She’s tough, smart, and a badass who uses her cheerleading skills to aid in her crime-fighting. She faces mad scientists, monsters, and everything in between and she ALWAYS comes out on top.

She’s now flawless, mind you. She’s bossy, smug, and can over-react when she faces things that she can’t do such as cooking or.. really anything normal/standard teen problems. She’s especially bad at maintaining dates. But whenever she faces a problem, she finds a way tog et through it whether it be with help from Ron, or finding her own way in solving it. She doesn't cry or mope about things like... well, the live-action film has her do. No, she gets up and finds solutions while still saving the day in the process. That is what makes her great, she’s a character before she’s a girl. Hence why she is a great female protagonist

Kim is someone I strived to be like when I got that age... with varying success. But hey, it just proves that Kim Possible can indeed do anything. Call her, beep her if you wanna reach her, and she’ll be there. just like how she’s here for this spot.

4. Ruby Rose (RWBY)

MY DAUGHTER!

When I first got into RWBY, I wasn’t sure what to expect. But the first character I fell in love with? Little Red here! I adore this girl to pieces. She gets a lot of flack form some for being ‘flat’ and ‘underdeveloped’ and I don’t have time to go into every reason why that’s not true. You can read this for some examples of why shes awesome. But let me summarize the gist of it as best as I can.

Ruby is a teenaged girl striving to be a Huntress like her mother, wanting to do good in the world like the heroes in her storybooks. Over time, as he overcomes her own flaws and the burdens of leadership, she learns how colossal of a task doing good truly is in a world that is harsh and cruel. She loses friends, her school gets broken apart, and the world seems to become more and more divided. And she’s right int he middle of it. So what does she do?

She gets up and continues on.

She decides to fight because she wants to help. She wants to make the world a better place because that is what a Huntress is supposed to do. She puts aside her own feelings in hopes that she can help do something. Even as she is pulled more and more into the true realities of her world, she stands firm and continues on. And when everyone else seems broken and on the verge of quitting? She grabs the reigns and pushes everyone forward herself.

Ruby may be a somewhat standard protagonist, but her determination and quirkiness help her stand out. She’s goofy, naive, and a socially awkward klutz. But she’s still a good-hearted person who always tries and in a world full fo monsters that thrive on despair, this is a very admirable trait. She’s gone from a girl afraid of being viewed as special, to taking the lead int he war against Salem all because it is her duty as a Huntress to protect everyone. She inspires those around her and also inspires me. She’s what got me to stay with this show, and I have yet to regret it.

RWBY has MANY great female characters. Weiss, Blake, Yang, Maria, Nora, Penny, Winter, and many others. But Ruby was always going to be my first pick. What can I say? I adore this girl~

3. Blossom (The Powerpuff Girls)

The Powerpuff girls was, and remains, my favorite cartoon of all time It was funny, action-packed, great characters, and great animation. I adore all three of the girls. Bubbles is cute but certianly no pushover, and Buttercup can be a jerk but she kicks a LOT of ass. But the one who I always loved the most was the commander and leader of the group, Blossom.

Blossom is the most mature of the girls, being very intelligent for her age. She’s smart, confident, and a natural leader. She’s also rather bossy, full of herself, and can be obnoxious at times with her egg-headed nature. From what I can tell, she was the leat liked... which sucks for me. I loved Blossom because of how smart she was and because of how good of a leader she was. Sure she had the occasional slip, but she was usually fairly reasonable, strategic, and always tried to look after her sisters and break up their spats.

I still remember the episode that made me love her. It was Princess’ introductory episode. In it, Blossom tried her best to be as reasonable with her as she could, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt since she was new and probably didn’t know how to make friends. It especially makes since if you’ve seen the movie and know how much the girls themselves struggled. But once it became clear that Princess really was a despicable little brat and she pounded her sisters, Blossom was pissed but still calm unlike the other two. Due to this, she easily thrashed Princess, destroyed her power suit, and gave her the mother of all The Reason You Suck speeches, telling her what being a hero truly means and how she’s nothing but a spoiled brat. It remains of my favorite PPG moments ever and after how much Blossom tried to give her a chance, it was very deserved.

Sadly, Blossom hasn’t gotten the best rep in other incarnations. Her PPGZ self while fine... wasn’t Blossom. Like... at all. And the less said about the 2016 series the better. Still, I remember how much I looked up to the original Blossom and enjoyed seeing her kick butt every Friday. I even still have one of my old dolls that I cherish to this day. Allt he Powerpuffs are great, and I will love them forever.

2. Sailor Moon/Usagi Tsukino (Sailor Moon)

Speaking of childhood heroines!

Ah Sailor Moon, We’ve had a long history, you and I. The first show I ever kept up with. The first fandom I ever got into. The first anime I ever got into. nd of course, the first heroine I ever truly loved.

Usagi (well... Serena when I was a kid, as the 90′s) is someone I still hold close to my heart. She is a klutz, crybaby, and far from an ideal heroine. She can be rather immature and at times selfish, preferring to sleep or eat sweets than worry about her Sailor Senshi duties. But as he grows, we see that through it all, she is a pure, caring young girl. I think the manga/Crystal anime did a MUCH better job at portraying that side to her, though the 90′s anime presented her more heroic side as well. They just sometimes forgot that he was past being a crybaby...

Usagi loves everyone. Her lover Mamoru, her fellow Senshi, just everyone. She doesn’t like fighting, but she will if she has to. She goes from crying in the middle of fights to being able to face God-like entities with just a magic crystal. Despite not having wanted to be a Senshi to begin with, she accepts her destiny and tries to save everyone, even her enemies. It just shows how despite her flaws as a person, she is a true hero who can always be relied on.

Sailor Moon did a lot when it came out. it helped revolutionize the Magical Girl genre, helped give anime a standing in America, and showed how femininity is not a weakness. There’s many other great female characters (Ami, Rei, Makoto, Minako) and all are their own character. But Usagi has always been the one I loved most and so she claims the Number Two spot.

Honorable Mentions

Sakura Kinomoto (Cardcaptor Sakura) Katara (Avatar: The Last Airbender) Twilight Sparkle (MLP:FIM) Agent Carolina and Kaikaina Grif (Red vs Blue) Lois Lane (Superman: The Animated Series) Hawkgirl/Shayera Hal (Justice League/Unlimited) Gosalyn Mallard (Darkwing Duck) Webby Vanderquack (Ducktales 2017) Rapunzel (Tangled franchise) Anna (Frozen) Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Tiana, Moana (Disney Princess) Kida (Atlantis: The Lost Empire) Meg (Hercules) Esmerelda (The Hunchbakc of Notre Dame) Jane (Return to Neverland Princess Elena (Elena of Avalor) Hikaru Shidou, Umi Ryuuzaki, and Fuu Hohouji (Magic Knights Rayearth) Nami (One Piece) Misty (Pokemon) Winry Rockbell (FMA) Ran Mouri (Detective Conan) Kagome Higurashi and Sango (Inuyasha) Pretty much all the Pretty Cures Nancy Drew Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games) Ms. Frizzle (The Magic School Bus) Daphne Blake and Velma Dinkley (Scooby-Doo) Calico ‘Callie’ Briggs and Felina Feral (SWAT Kats)

And I’m sure there’s more, but we’re gonna be here all day if I keep going. So let's go ahead and get to Number One. Which tbh... this was a no-brainer.

1. Mulan

Yeah, this probably shocks no one. I’ve talked about Mulan like... a billion times by now. But there was no other option for me.

Mulan is my favorite movie of all time, and the title character is my favorite character of all time. She’s a young woman who wants to bring her family honor, but struggles to do so in the ways she’s expected. She goes to war in her father’s place to save his life, and she struggles even more. She’s someone who doubts and is ashamed of herself, but over time she decides that she’s done hating her refection and tries to prove her worth. She not only becomes a better soldier and earns the respect of everyone around her, but even after she’s unmasked, she goes on to save all of freakin’ China! The whole country, including the freakin’ Emperor, bows before her because of this. You do not get more respect than that.

I’ve only grown to love and relate more to this story as I’ve grown older. I’ve learned to not define myself by society expectations, but just as who I am. Mulan struggles with expectations, family, warn, and most of all her own insecurities. She wants to see something worthwhile when she looks into the mirror, but she always just feels shame. But by the end, she puts it aside and becomes the best version of herself. She returns home with more than enough to honor her family... and her father tosses it aside to hug her. He’s just grateful to have her home, the greatest girl and honor. She’s someone who we watch grow and her journey hold sup even today. Argubaly even moreso.

Mulan was a film that changed me. Shaped my beliefs and values into what they are now. Even today, I see it as a flawless movie, and Mulan a flawless heroine. he’s a perfect example of a female protagonist, or heck just a protagonist in general. I love her and because of how much she shaped my five-year-old self into who I am now, se is my favorite female character of all time.

And that’s that! Well that was fun! Thank you all for reading and to all thw women out there, whether you were born as one or made the choice to identify as such. Whether you love men, women, or whoever. Whether you care about love or not. I hope you all have a lovely day and stay true to who you are. Happy International Women’s Day everyone~!

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asherlockstudy · 5 years

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Here’s why every character surviving to the end of GoT is a loser

Yes, even your Starks

I made a post yesterday saying I would like it if Jon was King Beyond the Wall and Sansa Queen in the North. Despite this, I will now tell you why this was the worst ending possible for every character involved in the last episode, including the aforementioned ones.

Daenerys. I will say it. Of all the horrible endings, Dany's was the least horrible one! The major problem with her plot line is how rushed it is. Other than that, we always had signs of what she could become. Dany ends up being the female Hitler and honestly I don't mind that. She came big and she left big...just from the other side.

Drogon. GREEDY HUMANS! FUCK YOUR POWER HUNGER! IT’S ALL FOR NOTHIIIIIIIIIIING! DROGON’S OUTTA HERE

Jon. Oh boy. I never cared for Jon yet even I felt sorry for that character. No wonder Kit was crying. Jon becomes the ultimate vessel for the plot and the sole reason of his whole heritage and existence is to cut off Dany's bullshit. What's worse is that he can't do it on his own, he can't think for himself and for the people anymore and Tyrion has to brainwash him. He becomes a coward, shivering in front of his destiny and his true name. Let alone that he has zero chemistry with Emilia and therefore the oh so tragic moment when he overcomes himself and kills her convinces nobody. Yes, he finds the free folk in the end but the problem is that it is not his choice. It is not self-exile. His siblings sent him away all alone to appease... Greyworm. A disgrace to all the years Kit was shooting with that costume in a snowstorm.

Greyworm. Ultimate character assassination. Yes, Greyworm was fiercely loyal to Dany but he never struck me as blind to justice and mercy. Would Jorah obey THIS Dany even after her death? Man, I don't think so. Even Jorah would quit before Jon and Greyworm and this says something about this writing. But the absolute worst is that in the end he sails to Naath. What, were we supposed to feel sorry for him? To empathise? He's a mass murderer. Why the fuck should I care if he misses Missandei? The last moment "he sails for a good cause now" is fucking ridiculous.

Tyrion. Up until he's imprisoned, he's relatively okay. After that, he forgets very easily his losses and especially the one of his most beloved family member, his brother's demise. His trial is a joke, where he soon takes the upper hand again, and chooses the worst candidate for a king (more on that later). After that, it is clear clever Tyrion learned nothing from his journey, his experiences and his grave mistakes that led to the destruction of the whole city and his own family. He happily becomes the Hand of the King again, enjoys sitting in the chair and tells stories about brothels, thus confirming that whatever they do, the governance of poor Westeros will always be shitty.

Bran. Man. Where do I begin. Bran the broken. Dude, Bran is probably the least broken in there. To a fault. The implication here is that Bran played them all. He clearly says that he headed south because he knew he would be offered the crown. What happened to the “I don't want anymore, I live in the past, don't envy me, I am not the Lord of Winterfell, I'm something else now” crap? In some scenes Bran has a glimmer in his eyes but the problem is that if they wanted to play with that (and it would be fairly decent), they should have made Bran openly evil or greedy or machiavellian at least before the end. If he is just the 3ER, I doubt he wants power or to involve himself with the matters of the country and the commonwealth. He should be wise, humble, withdrawn and helpful only when a crisis arose that nobody but him was aware of. Instead, we get a very human and flawed Bran who doesn't agree with the rest of his supposedly semi-divine nature. Furthermore, we were already proven right - from those few scenes we got it is already clear that Bran is an insufficient king, distant and absent. He comes and goes in seconds lmao... I'll check where Drogon is. I must go now... Worst choice for a king ever made. This becomes an emotionless Big Brother dystopia.

Sansa. I could be happy she became the Queen in the North but do you know when this would make sense? If the king of Westeros was someone other than her brother!!!!!!!!! What's the point of an autonomous North when it’s a Stark that rules the Seven Kingdoms anyway? Do you know what the only conclusion that can be drawn is? That Sansa’s one and only objective was to rule. She risked Jon’s head and spread his secret only to have a chance at having a relative in the Iron Throne that she could later persuade to let her rule on her own in Winterfell. Being the Lady / Queen of Winterfell is more important to Sansa than her relatives’ safety or the unity of the family. Remember when Arya insinuated this in S7? She was right... Even in Tyrion’s trial, which is a joke, Sansa revels in taking the lead out of nowhere. Think about this before you cheer for her success. Imagine if Jaime was the King of Westeros. Would Cersei demand that the Westerlands would be autonomous so that she could be queen there? Nah. There you have it, at this point, the Lannisters seem much much more likeable than the Starks. (Which I always kinda thought but now it’s obvious.)

Arya. It’s so obvious that D&D loved Arya but didn’t know what to do with her character. Her choice to travel once again is an excuse to wrap up her story. It is clear that Arya’s story arc ended with the death of the Night King but they couldn’t kill her off and they also feared that if they gave her a conventional ending with Gendry, it would not be feminist enough. What they don’t understand is that feminism is a woman’s liberty to make choices and change goals according to her aspirations and desires without being restricted by ANY social expectation or stereotype whatsoever and not being a tomboy for tomboy’s sake. Last season Arya wanted to return home, home, home but now she’s like nah I ain’t going back there ever again, I’m going where No One has been. Okay, great. I suspect Arya is once again pissed off with Sansa and honestly I can’t blame her. So Arya has the most pointless ending ever and of course when she says she’s leaving and never coming back, Sansa and Bran are sooo emotional. NOT. I saw people saying “at least this scene was so emotional” and... are you kidding me? Neither Sansa nor Bran gave a fuck about Arya’s decision. Maybe Jon a little but it’s all so cold and distant between the wolf pack, my ass. I guess the actors gave up at some point and I wholeheartedly understand it... what would you do with a script like that? The Starks won the thrones and lost themselves in the process. Nice.

Brienne. Let me tell you why even Jaime had a better ending than Brienne. So, apparently in the end Brienne is the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. First of all, why on earth would she prefer this to being in Sansa’s Queensguard? She wouldn’t. Having her there in the council forced to endure Tyrion and Bronn’s ridiculous conversations is a fucking disgrace. That was not what she was meant for. She survived it all to end up in a dystopia. Furthermore, she functions as a vessel to restore Jaime’s reputation. You know what the problem here is? That it does not fucking matter anymore! The point about Jaime’s redemption was to finally receive some acknowledgement for all the good he had done, to SEE people appreciate him with his own eyes. Jaime is in heaven now (fight me). He never got to know if people would eventually respect him and his contributions. If the scene had one meaning, that was that Brienne moved on. Not from her love but from her heartbreak. She understood Jaime. She probably knew that Jaime’s respect and adoration and attraction for her was all genuine but he simply couldn’t stand a peaceful life when his siblings and especially his sister and his child were confronting death. Brienne still loves Jaime and doesn’t hold anything against him because, yeah, his departure was very problematic but this man also rescued her from rape and lost his hand, saved her life, armoured her, gave her his own sword which was one of the most valuable in the world, gave her what now is her best friend, always valued her opinion and acted based on it, followed her to the North to measure up next to her, saved her life many more times, knighted her when no other knight would, shared carefree and intimate moments with her and was the first one to love her and reciprocate. And whatever D&D do, all this simply DOES NOT FUCKING CHANGE. So how could Brienne ever hate him, especially a woman like her, full of love and goodness and understanding? Thus, I know many of you will disagree, but I think Brienne should have got pregnant. Don’t forget that Brienne, behind all her defense mechanisms, was a romantic at heart and had many traditional “womanly” desires and this is perfectly okay. She wanted to be courted, loved, held and married, provided that there was someone she deemed worthy in certain ways. Brienne still carries Oathkeeper. None of what happened between her and Jaime is changed or will be forgotten. So what would be a better gift for her, the most beautiful token of that short time she lived her dream with a man she loved unconditionally and a man who did for her things nobody had done for her before? Or even for most women? How many women, pretty or not, can claim their man saved them from death and rape many times, was willing to sacrifice himself at any time for them and gave them objects of inestimable value that were meant only for noble men to wield or wear? In conclusion, I am willing to bet that Brienne would want a child from Jaime, a reminder of him and her happiest memories. She would return to Tarth where she would bloody be the Lady of Tarth and continue the lineage of her father instead of serving others her entire life. She would be a great mother. Imagine a child with the prospects of both Jaime and Brienne, raised by her. Furthermore, Tyrion was the Hand of the King and he would certainly persuade Bran to legitimize the kid and then, there would be a continuation of the great House Lannister, which D&D were so eager to obliterate. Now, we can only hope for Tyrion’s visits in brothels. Nice.

Ser Pod. Okay, let’s be serious for a moment. I know it is sweet that Pod survived everything and is now a knight but... he doesn’t deserve that title, all right? Look what Brienne has been through to get her title. Then Pod is like oh yeah I’m a knight too. Fanservice at its best. I mean, obviously Brienne made him a knight lol but this is not serious storytelling. Pod deserves all the good endings in the world but being a knight just to carry Bran around is not one of them.

Davos. I love Davos with all my heart. I told myself that surely, there is a reason he’s been in (I think) seven out of the eight seasons. After Melisandre died, I thought he had some great part to play before the end. And you know what? He did! His role was to call out the level of stupidity in this writing. “Did the Lord of Light just fuck off after the fight?!” Yes, Davos, he did!!! D&D had a character make fun of their own writing, what can I say after that? Anyway, what I mean is, there was literally no reason for lovely Davos’ survival and whole existence in general.

Bronn. Talking about useless characters. He was not always useless but now he is. Which is why he is the most fitting for this council of incompetence. How did I dare question his position in that council - he has just as much right as everyone else to be there. Another fanservice without substance.

Sam. Yeah, he found the title for the Song of Ice and Fire, something that 99% of the fans had predicted years ago. That’s it. No Tyrion in it and at this point, I agree it was probably for the best.

Edmure. Best character ending ever. He started as a fool and survived the show as a fool. I shouldn’t include him here, he’s the only winner. Him and Tormund.

I don’t know if I forgot someone but I want to add as a side-note that Jaime hardly had the worst ending after all. I mean, he died as an overly emotional, addicted and not very clever tragic hero but, I mean, he still was a tragic hero. Everyone else’s character here was a joke with the exception maybe of Dany and Brienne, whose endings were only rushed and incomplete respectively but at least they were not jokes.

#got spoilers #got season 8 #game of thrones #braime #brienne of tarth #anti-dany #jon snow #anti-sansa #anti-bran #jaime lannister #tyrion lannister #bronn #podrick payne #ser davos #edmure tully #samwell tarly #arya stark

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ghostofviperwrites · 4 years

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The Ungovernable Ones - Chapter 6 - The Masked Man

Featuring: Los Ingobernables de Japon

Category: Smut

Warnings for the series: explicit language, explicit sexual content, dubious consensual encounters, manipulation

You eyed the door in Bushi’s entry way, wondering if your best bet was to run. He had scared you with his mention of punishment. A punishment you would have to endure at his hands. A punishment you wouldn’t know until you accepted it. A tiny part of you was curious. Thoughts running rampant in speculation as to what exactly Bushi would consider a punishment. It was that curiosity that drove you further into Bushi’s home. Seeking him out to accept his terms. You found him in the mask room, finding it in the same condition you had left it the last time you were here.

“Well?” He asked without turning around. He was wearing a mask now and somehow that made you more frightened. You knew what he was capable of while wearing the mask. Had seen it many times in the ring. But it excited you as well.

“I’ll accept your punishment.” You said softly, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth and chewing on it nervously.

“Good.” Bushi said turning around to face you, that smile back on his face. The one that spoke of trouble. His black lips sending signals of alarm through your body. “Get on your knees.”

“My…my knees?” You sputtered, eyes going wide as you wondered exactly what he had in store.

“Don’t make this worse on yourself by questioning me.” He snapped watching as you reluctantly dropped to your knees and looked at him warily as he stripped off his t-shirt revealing his muscular body to your gaze. He circled behind you, dragging the shirt across your flesh, making goosebumps rise in its trail.

“You’ve seen what I do with this haven’t you?” He asked stopping in front of you, kneeling down to hold the shirt in front of your face. You nodded slowly, images of that shirt strangling so many helpless people running through your mind. “What do I do?” He asked.

“You choke people.” You said timidly, your heart beginning to race in fear as you contemplated the significance of his asking.

“That’s right.” He smiled. “I choke them, leaving them gasping for air as it tightens around their necks. Have you guessed yet what I’m going to do to you?”

You stared up at him, all wide-eyed pleading with him to not do what you thought he was planning on. “Choke me?” You finally sputtered when he didn’t appear moved by your silent pleas.

“That’s right sweetheart.” He cooed. “I’m going to wrap this around your pretty little throat until your gasping for air. And then I’m going to do it again. And again. Until tears are pouring down your face and you’re truly sorry for your disrespect.

“I am sorry. So sorry Bushi. You don’t have to do this.” You pled looking up into his unwavering stare with begging eyes.

“I do. Otherwise you won’t learn.” He said firmly laying the shirt on the ground in front of you and stepping towards the door. “I’ll be back. When I return I want you completely undressed and back on your knees.”

You sat back on your heels, wanting nothing more than to run. Wondering exactly what you had gotten yourself into. You knew if you did this, you were once again crossing a line you couldn’t uncross. Things would forever be different. Unlike with Evil you harbored no illusions that this was anything more than a one-time thing. You weren’t even sure Bushi actually wanted you in that way. The nudity could just be an element to his punishment, an added humiliation. Dragging your bottom lip between your teeth you gnawed nervously on it as you rose to your feet and slowly undressed.

Nude you returned to your knees, taking deep calming breaths as you waited for Bushi to reappear. Your eyes kept drifting down to his shirt, butterflies in your stomach as you imagined how it was going to feel to have it wrapped around you, depriving you of air. Unbidden your fingers reached down to caress the material. It was just a simple t-shirt, but it was so much more in that moment. You were shocked to feel a pooling of heat in your core as you imagined what was about to happen.

“I didn’t say you could touch that did I?” You nearly jumped out of your skin as Bushi suddenly reappeared your hand yanking back as if scalded. “You’re not very obedient are you?” He chuckled lowly, the sound making you shudder. There was no mirth in that laughter, only promises of what was to come.

You tried not to fidget as he circled you, running his critical gaze over your form. You wished you could tell what he was thinking, but with the mask covering his entire face you were left clueless. He moved behind you and you flinched when his hand landed on the back of your neck, your breath hitching as he squeezed.

“Are you scared?” He asked, the taunt clear in his tone.

“Yes.” You answered knowing honesty was your best defense.

“Good. You have no idea how much I like to hear that.” Bushi said, his breath washing over your skin as he leaned down to speak into your ear. “Hand me the shirt.” Your hand was shaking as you reached in front of you, picking up the shirt and placing it in Bushi’s outstretched hand. Your panic rose as you felt the shirt loop around your neck, Bushi holding it loosely so you could feel it there but it wasn’t restricting anything yet. You fought the urge to rip it off of you and run screaming. This was your penance and you had to get through this to restore some semblance of harmony to your job.

“Why are you being punished?” Bushi asked, giving a gentle tug on the shirt.

“Because I insulted you?” You said tentatively.

“Yes. Because you insulted my masks, my heritage and were a disrespectful bitch. Also because you couldn’t manage to complete a simple task of organizing my masks.” He emphasized with a rougher pull jerking your head back. “So after your punishment is done you’re going to complete your task and you’re going to do it correctly. Understood?”

“Yes.” You said softly.

“Stand up.” Bushi commanded helping you to your feet by pulling up on the shirt. Your back was pressed against Bushi’s chest and you were forced to raise up on your toes to ease the tension against your throat. You were utterly unprepared when he suddenly gave a sharp twist, cutting off your air supply and you gasped hands reflexively reaching for the confining material, fingers frantically pulling at it as you struggled.

You fell to your knees when he released you, gasping in air as he stood over you.

“C’mon sweetheart, you’re nowhere near done yet. Get back up.” Bushi said laughing as you reluctantly climbed to your feet, shuddering as he once again placed the shirt around your throat. His hand splayed across your stomach and pushed your ass back into his groin as he let you feel exactly how much he was enjoying choking you. You didn’t have time to dwell on that as he sharply twisted the shirt again robbing you off your breath. True to his word the process was repeated several times, until you had tears streaming nonstop down your cheeks and your throat felt raw. At one point he had dragged you to the shelves, rapidly firing instructions at you as to exactly how to properly organize his masks, giving you the impossible task of retaining the information as he choked the breath out of you. You felt like you hadn’t take a proper breath in an hour. Through it all the most humiliating part for you was that at some point you really started to enjoy exactly what Bushi was doing to you, and were sure he was quite aware of the fact. Finally he deemed you properly punished.

Not allowing you to redress he set you on your task of correcting your previous organizing errors. You struggled to remember what he was saying to you during your punishments, but it was all a hazy mess in your mind. You did your best, trying to match patterns how you thought they fit, but found it extremely difficult. Some were relatively easy, but there were so many that were similar colors and patterns that you were sure you had messed up again. Your fears were confirmed when Bushi returned running a critical eye over the room and shaking his head in disappointment.

You backed away until you hit the shelf behind you as he crowded you, his hand reaching up to grasp you by the throat, pulling you into his body, chest-to-chest.

“I think you like being punished.” He said, smirking as you frantically shook your head denying his words. “It’s the only reason I can think of for why you can’t accomplish a simple task.” He tightened his hand, restricting the movement of your air and you cursed your body’s response as you could feel yourself dampening between the thighs. “Or maybe you just like me touching you?” Bushi teased hand moving down the curve of your waist and coming to a rest just above your mound. You couldn’t stop the little whimper you released and wanted to die of embarrassment when he chuckled. His hand moved slowly around your body, tracing your curves, sliding over the underside of your breasts, teasing you and not touching anywhere you desperately wanted him to.

“Which is it kitten?” He asked, his voice low and husky as it washed over you. “The punishment or me?” You moaned in frustration when his hand again rested right over your pussy, hovering and not giving you the touch you so desperately wanted.

“Both.” You admitted.

“Both huh?” He said. “You got a thing for choking? I guess it’s not much of a punishment if you’re enjoying it so much.” You were startled as his fingers slipped into your slit, gliding easily through your juices. “And you are definitely enjoying it.” You blushed as he called you out, feeling the flush all the way down your body at the same time shifting to open your legs, giving him more access and silently hoping he would continue his actions. You were rewarded as his fingers continued stroking along your slick, bumping over your clit and rubbing it sending fire through your veins. “Kneel.” He suddenly said pulling his fingers free to your disappointment.

You sunk down to your knees as Bushi circled around in front of you. “I’m thinking about fucking you from behind while I choke you.” He said simply. “Is that something you want me to do?” He asked.

You nodded quickly, past caring about anything but him touching you, choking the breath out of you again.

“Make me want to.” Bushi said, unzipping his pants and pulling his hard cock out, resting the tip against your lips. You swiped your tongue over him and opened your mouth sliding the length into your mouth and sucking deeply, eagerly working him with your mouth, hoping to entice him into giving you what you wanted. He was so hard to read, lips kept in a firm line, that damn mask hiding his expression as you pleasured him. Finally he pulled from your mouth, hand moving to grip your throat and pulling you to your feet, you stared up at him anxiously as his grip tightened cutting off your air once again before pushing you away from him.

“Bend over.” He said pointing to the cabinet he wanted you leaning over. You hurried into position, spreading your legs and bending over watching anxiously over your shoulder as he picked up his shirt, twisting it into in his hands into a hard strap of fabric. Your breath was already coming in choppy pants, excitement almost overwhelming you as he stepped behind you, rubbing his cock along your slit before sliding in to the hilt. The shirt came around your neck and your eyes closed in anticipation as Bushi started moving in you. Your moans of pleasure soon turned into mewls of disappointment as the shirt continued to lay slack against your throat. You pouted as Bushi fucked you, making you feel so good but missing the crucial element you wanted.

“Bushi,” You whined bucking against him, hoping he would get the hint and give you that pressure you were seeking.

“Did you want something?” He asked solicitously. “Ask me nicely.”

“Please?” You said arching into his thrusts.

“Tell me what you want.” Bushi said.

“Choke me, please.” You said. “I need you to choke me.”

Bushi didn’t reply, just continued his long smooth strokes into you before yanking back on the shirt and twisting it choking you tightly. The immediate loss of air sent you into a tailspin, coming around Bushi as your vision faded black until he released you, just before you passed out. Greedily sucking in air you only had a moment to recover before he expertly twisted again, yanking the newfound air from your system with one pull and a hard thrust into you. You felt like you were going to explode from the pleasure as he kept fucking you, choking the air out and bringing you to orgasm again and again until you could barely keep yourself standing. With a final thrust he came into you, pulling himself out and pushing away from you, letting you fall to your knees on the floor as he tucked himself back into his pants.

“Fix these fucking things.” He said waving his hand at the various masks. “There’s numbers stitched on the inside of each piece to match them. Fuck it up again and you’ll be punished in a way that doesn’t result in you coming all over my cock.”

He left you then, sitting on the floor mouth gaped open as you realized he had made your job deliberately difficult this whole time when there was an easy coordinating system at hand. All he had to tell you from the start was about the numbers.

You slowly dressed, cursing the masked man under your breath as you set about matching number to number in the silence of the mask room.

#lij fanfic #lij imagine #njpw fanfic #wrestling fanfic #mywriting #ghostofviperwrites

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masaru2042 · 5 years

Text

The Engine is My Boss

This a little short of the r/entitledparents thing. But this time, it’s a story of Bessie...Dana’s former engine, running into a very entitled mother and her brat wanting a cab ride. And then, the mother damages the Flying Scotsman’s cowcatcher, that’s a big no-no!

So, it’s Dana again. I got another one of those stories. Entitled parents, you know. And their kids. Something you have to deal with when driving a steam engine. But this one isn’t from Sodor, it’s from my old job.

I used to work for a particular railroad museum in Chattanooga and was the driver of the famous Southern #4501 “Ms. Mikado”, aka Bessie Baldwin.

Little story on Bessie herself. Bessie is a Mikado type steam locomotive, runs on coal, though she has a brother who runs on waste vegetable oil. Which is why I suggested the fuel to Sir Topham Hatt for Gordon. Bessie managed to talk him into it, saying she’s considering a conversion herself mostly because she’s sick of the bill she gets from TVA. Yeah, she orders coal from TVA, having them drop off a couple cars when they deliver to the steam plant. And it’s expensive! I know when Bessie’s having a bad day when she looks at the invoice she gets from TVA. She already complains about the high electric bill, now this. Saul loves it when she starts complaining.

Mikados have a wheel arrangement of 2-8-2, a wheel arrangement invented in Japan. Sodor has a couple of Mikados of its own, notably the two Smallies...Bert and Mike. But also Hiro Kawasaki, who is a Mikado from Japan. The United States saw the wheel arrangement Japan was using for its steam engines and wanted to use it for their steam engines. The very first MS-1 Mikado built by Baldwin Locomotive Works was Bessie herself. And she’s the last one of that particular type remaining. It’s why she is nicknamed Ms. Mikado. Because she is THE Mikado of the US.

And she’ll let you know it.

She was built in Pennsylvania in 1911, but don’t let that fool you, she’s a Southern belle through and through, even jokes that her water tank is actually filled with sweet tea, not water. It isn’t, but she loves to say it is. She was retired in the 1940s when the Southern Railway was going to diesel, sold to a short line and pulled coal cars until the 1960s when she was bought by a railfan who restored her to working order. Unfortunately, said railfan passed away, and she ended up getting his entire estate. He left her everything, and I do mean everything, including the museum itself!

Bessie Baldwin is in fact the third richest locomotive in the world. Her business partner is Saul Amerigo, a Consolidated 2-8-0 built by ALCO in 1901. He’s the Southern #630.

Some of you Brits might notice the odd surnames these engines have. In Britain, steam engines tend to take on the surname of their designer, not so in the States. American steam engines use their plant name as the surnames. Since Bessie was built at Baldwin Locomotive Works, she’s Bessie Baldwin. Saul was built by the American Locomotive Company, so rather than call him Saul ALCO, he’s Saul Amerigo...for the explorer who named the Americas. Japanese steam engines also do the same thing with their surnames, which is why Hiro has the surname of Kawasaki, despite that in Japan the surnames come first. He actually would be Kawasaki Hiro.

Kinda interesting little tidbit.

Also, Bessie is a big fangirl of the Flying Scotsman. It’s adorable. Likewise, Scott’s got a crush on her as well. If she’s not focusing on the business, she’s on Skype, or Discord, or Facebook with Scott.

And what can I say about Bessie, she practically saved my life once. I was down on my luck, got out of an abusive relationship with my ex-husband, couldn’t go back to working as a freight hauler at Norfolk and Southern, was about to commit suicide when Bessie came in, whistle blaring, scooping me up and took me to the museum. And from that day on until my move to Sodor, I was her driver. My cousin was her fireman.

She even hopped on a boat to Sodor just to surprise me for Christmas all because I was home sick. And that’s no easy task for a steam engine that’s 150 tons. I don’t deserve a friend like Bessie, but I’m glad she is one. She’s like the grandmother I never had but always wanted. She even lets me call her “grannie” a few times too. And apparently Saul is my crazy, fun uncle. Which make sense since my actual uncle drives him.

And she is a hard-ass, make no mistake. She will make you work hard, but in the end, you’ll feel like you achieved something after you did.

But there’s one thing I’ll have to say about Bessie is...you have to follow her rules, no matter what. She’s a “my way, or the highway” kind of girl. Especially when it comes to railroad safety.

On Sodor, cab rides are a flat NO. There’s a reason for that, it’s an actual working railway that has steam engines on it. The only exceptions are VIPs, inspectors, the press, and Sir Topham Hatt’s mother, Dowager Hatt. Don’t ask about the last one, because I don’t know!

However, I do know about heritage railways in the UK that will allow for cab rides, or even the chance to drive said steam engine with a trainer driver and trainer fireman to supervise the guest. The NWR is very strict on no cab rides.

However, back at the museum in Chattanooga, Bessie does allow for cab rides on short excursions, not on long excursions, and the person riding has to be at least 16 years of age, or older. And only two extra riders. Despite American steam engines having much larger cabs than British steam engines, it’s still a tight fit to have a bunch of people standing in it, so, there’s a limit. The driver and fireman still needs their conductor to be with them, so two extra people riding is the limit. That makes five people in total inside Bessie’s cab, and that’s a bit cramped, even for her large cab.

And 16 years or older is because she doesn’t want little kids who can’t keep their hands to themselves from messing with her controls. She figures if the person is old enough to drive a car, they can be mature enough to keep their hands to themselves while being escorted by a parent or guardian. That’s 16 with an adult. However, 18 years and over, you can ride without an adult.

Again, Bessie figures, if you’re old enough to go to war, you’re old enough to not have a babysitter in her cab along with you.

Bessie is funny that way.

Also to get a cab ride, it’s an extra surcharge.

Hey, if you’re gonna be bothering the driver and fireman, you might as well pay them for their time of answering all your questions while they’re trying to pay attention to their job, as Bessie states.

And don’t argue with her about it. She also loves giving the cab rider a nice little lecture before the ride, to make sure the rider understands what they’re allowed to do and what they’re not allowed to do. Because Bessie is Bessie. And she doesn’t want people messing around with things they shouldn’t.

It is her body after all and she makes that clear by saying “you wouldn’t want someone constantly poking you in all the inappropriate places too, right?”

Some people keep forgetting that sapient steam engines are living beings, and have their own boundaries and comfort zones just like humans do. And they expect people respect their boundaries. It takes a lot of trust that the engine must have to work with a driver and fireman manning the controls to assist in the control of steam, and even more trust to allow untrained strangers inside the cab on a ride.

And this is why she doesn’t allow children in her cab.

She had a bad experience once when she gave it a try to allow children inside her cab, and we’ll leave it at that. But it does involve various fluids that little kids tend to excrete either on purpose or on accident.

So, no kids.

They can ride in the coaches instead!

Unfortunately, this is one of those stories that involves a child wanting a cab ride and the entitled mother not understanding that no means no, and thinks that talking to the manager of the museum will get what she wants.

Hahaha, no.

So, we were about go out on our little short excursion, a special all the way to the east end of Chattanooga, passing by historic Civil War sites along the way. The scenery is always nice, especially in the summer. A lot of people love riding this special because at the end of the line, before returning, you get to see some turntable action. Kids love that!

On this particular track, there’s a tunnel, and because of the coal burning, you do have to hold your breath a bit when you’re riding in the cab and going through the tunnel. You don’t want that soot in your mouth. This is the other reason why kids aren’t allowed to ride in the cab.

Well, on that day, Bessie was reversing slowly to the coaches, the conductor was hanging out out the door, helping her and me to see behind her large tender. She just upgraded from her old 15 ton coal capacity tender to an 18 ton coal capacity tender, something she made a little bid on an auction off of an old Illinois Central J-3. Not as big as the Centipede tenders that Saul’s younger sister Opal or his nephew Zack had, but way more than what Gordon uses! A single Corridor Tender that Gresley designed had a 9 ton coal capacity. Bessie now has a tender that is twice that capacity. And she ripped a mechanical stoker from an old Canadian Pacific 4-6-2 steam engine she had purchased as a static display.

We don’t know if said engine was sapient or not, and the Pacific isn’t in good shape for a restore either. Sad.

So, as we were backing up, my cousin Chuck turned his head to hear some sort of argument happening at the ticket counter. It happens. The supervisor inside the ticket counter should be able to help out with any trouble any dissatisfied customer has. So lucky I didn’t have that job. I’m not a people person, or rather a general public person. It’s why I went to work for NS and hauled freight in a diesel up and down the east coast.

The rest of the crowd was out, waiting for the coaches to open up, taking pictures as we backed up. Bessie’s bell was blaring loudly to make sure people knew she was moving. She’s a big ole girl, and she wants to make sure you stay out of her way. And then, the mother who had a scrawny looking 6 year old boy, came storming our way. The ticket lady came out the door and raced after her.

“Hey, cuz…” said Chuck. “We got trouble.”

I got up from my seat and looked out the fireman’s window.

“Bessie, stop!” I shouted and she clenched her brakes.

“Set the brake!” Bessie called back.

I pulled back on the brake lever and then returned to Chuck’s window.

“What’s the hold up?” Bessie asked. Her knuckle hadn’t touched the knuckle of the first coach yet.

“Trouble,” said Chuck.

“What? What kind of trouble.”

There were times Bessie wished she had a neck so she could look around. Though, she does have very excellent peripheral vision, despite being over a century old.

“The ‘I wanna speak to a manager’ kind,” I told her.

“Well, ain’t that a bowl of peaches and cream…”

Except, the mother wasn’t storming up to Bessie to complain to her, because well, Bessie’s the manager. She was storming right to the cab where we were.

Yeah, people tend to either forget, or not know that Bessie is the boss to talk to for any problems. She’ll put her driver wheel down and tell you “tough shit” and then get to her trip. And if you don’t like it, that’s your problem. She’s too old to care and she has a time table to adhere.

“Excuse me,” the woman said, dragging her jiggling son over. “My son wants a cab ride, and the lady at the ticket counter said you won’t give him one. I’m willing to pay extra. That’s not a problem.”

“Right,” I said. “Your son can’t have a cab ride. That’s policy. No child under the age of 16 can ride in the cab.”

“I WANNA RIDE THE TRAIN!” screamed the kid.

I felt a slight tilt from Bessie’s frame. Oh, she hates the screamers. She hates the screamers. I could feel the cab shudder just a little at the ear bleeding sound of that child’s voice.

“And you will, precious,” said the mother.

“He can ride the train,” said Chuck. “Just not the cab. It’s for his safety and also for insurance reasons. We don’t want him potentially messing with the delicate controls inside. And Bessie is very particular when it comes to who can touch her valves. Little children tend to don’t know how to keep their hands to themselves. And it’s just best they don’t ride inside here.”

The mother wasn’t happy with that answer and her mouth puckered, wrinkling at the lips.

“My son is a good boy, he won’t mess with the train’s controls,” she said.

“I ain’t a train, honey!” Bessie shouted. The woman wasn’t paying attention to her.

“It’s also very hot in the cab,” I said. “Which can be very dangerous for very young children's health. There’s also the danger of the child inhaling the particles that come from the engine’s funnel going through the tunnel. She burns coal in her firebox and there’s a lot of soot and ashes. This can damage a child’s lungs. It’s safer for them to ride the coaches.”

“Now, see here!” the mother called.

Oh god, not the “see here” phrase. A Southern mom’s version of holding a gun to your head to get what she wants. You don’t piss of a Southern momma. Ever.

Chuck and I just tensed at her grating voice.

“You let my little son ride in your cab, he’s been a good boy!” she said. “I wanted to do something nice for him. I’ll be sitting there with him, so I’ll make sure he won’t touch anything.”

“We could get fired if we allowed your son in Bessie’s cab,” said Chuck. “It doesn’t matter if you’re with him or not.”

“I WANNA RIDE THE TRAIN, MOMMA!” the child screamed again.

“You’re upsetting my little boy!” she shouted at the both of us. “Now you let my son in there right now, or I’ll see the manager! I’ll make sure you are fired!”

“Oh?” I perked up, jumping down from the cab. “You wanna see the manager? Okay. You can see my boss. And she can tell you why you ain’t getting into that cab.”

All the while, that kid kept screaming, pulling on his mother’s arm. And with each crescendo, I winced.

“Somebody’s torturin’ a cat, it sounds like,” said Bessie. “Marci, get the ASPCA on the phone!”

That’s Bessie, everyone!

“Ma’am,” I began. “This is my manager, Bessie Baldwin. You can now relay all your grievances to her.”

“You’re joking!” the mother shouted. “I will not be disrespected.”

“She ain’t jokin’,” said Bessie. “I own the museum. Now, what’s this about a cab ride?”

“A train runs the museum?”

Keep in mind, that kid was still screaming. He even flopped onto the grass, pulling up the dirt around him.

“Engine, or locomotive,” began Bessie. “And if locomotive is to hard to say, then use engine. Either one will fit. The train is the thing I was backing up to before you ran over with your wailing banshee, demanding for a cab ride despite it being against our policy! I haven’t finished coupling up to it, and I’ve got passengers waiting. Now, what is it you want?”

No engine likes being called a “train.”

“My son deserves a cab ride,” she said. “And your...operator…”

“Engineer,” I said.

“Don’t interrupt me, young lady,” she snapped at me.

“I don’t give a damn if you’re precious little hell spawn’s got good grades, helped a little old lady across the street, made Cub Scouts, won a little league game, or saved a bag of drowning kittens near the Chickamauga Dam, he ain’t getting in my cab.”

I heard a clank on the rails. Bessie just set her center driver wheel down. And when she does that, it’s end of discussion.

I don’t think the mother got that message though.

In fact, she put her foot down as well.

“My son…” the mother began.

“Can get the hell out of my museum,” Bessie finished.

“How dare you…”

“Demand that I let that wallowing little monster inside my cab.”

That’s right, Bessie can play the game too.

The mother pointed her finger stiffly at Bessie, coming near her cowcatcher. Just when she was about to open her mouth again, Bessie blew her whistle loudly. Now, Bessie’s whistle ain’t no peeper you Brits are probably used to hearing from a steam engine. It’s the kind of whistle most people think of when they hear “steam engine whistle”. The loud...whooowhooo! She’s got a three chime whistle. And that clamped the mother’s mouth up real quick. It also grabbed all the eyes from the other passengers to the front.

“I don’t have time to argue with an entitled, stuck up snob that’s obviously gotten more than she deserves, and never once been grateful for it,” began Bessie. “Nor for her little hellion that sounds like he wants to die of asphyxiation rather than shutting up. It’s obvious you haven’t popped one on his little bottom enough. If I had a pair of hands, he would have been taken out to the back of the shed and given a prompt to whoopin’ for making such a scene like that.” She tilted her frame down. “Both my engineer and fireman have given you the reason why we do not allow children under the age of 16 from ridin’ inside my cab. This is policy, and it is to protect my business as much as the child’s health. The boy can easily suffer a heat stroke standing so close to my firebox. My cab ain’t like your fancy Lexus with climate control at the touch of a button. Driving a steam engine is no fun ride, it is hard, hot and sweaty work. And I do not want your child’s snot covered hands anywhere near my controls. I’ve spent most of my century not knowing the intimate relationship between a child’s snot bubble and my valves, and I wish to keep it that way. And another thing, the policy of cab rides is not only my policy, but Norfolk and Southern’s policy. I must adhere to that policy if I wish to continue to run on their lines. What you are asking for just to please your brat and your sense of entitlement will put me out of business. Now either go buy a regular ticket, enjoy the ride in the coaches and shut the hell up, or get the hell off my property.”

There was a short humph from the mother as she began to drag her kid away.

“See if I bring my business back here again,” she said. “And I want a refund and compensation for you scaring my precious child.”

“Patricia!” Bessie shouted. “Did this woman pay for a ticket yet?”

“No, ma’am,” said Patricia.

“That ain’t happenin’, hon,” said Bessie. “Now, get the hell out. You’re holding everyone up. Chuck, release the brake so I can back up. I needa get the coaches hitched.”

There was a clink and Bessie began to back up slowly again, softly expelling steam as she went and letting gravity guide her back. Her bell rang loudly. Then, tapping her brakes, she finally came to a stop as the knuckles connected.

I didn’t have to be in the cab to back her up. Chuck was just as good as a driver as he was a fireman, and could handle both at the same time just to help Bessie back up. And Bessie took care of the rest.

I watched the mother drag her child away, exclaiming: “I’ll sue your company! You’ll go bankrupt and have to be scrapped for parts!”

No engine likes the “S” word. Neither Gordon, nor Bessie.

“Lady, you are banned from my museum definitely!” Bessie called back. “If you try to come back on museum property, I will have you arrested for tresspassin’. And I have the police on speed dial!”

She does. Bessie has an iPad hooked up in her cab, and can do a “hey, Siri, call 911” if need be. Some of the small wires near her smokebox are in fact connected to a microphone so that Siri can hear her and a speaker so that she can hear whoever is talking to her over the phone. Bessie is a bit of a jerryrigger, she can jimmy anything she needs in a pinch, or rather, design it and get one of the mechanics to jimmy it for her. Because, she doesn’t have any hands. And the iPad is actually connected to a rigging near the water glass and plugged into a USB cord that’s attached to her dynamo.

The woman walked swiftly away only to stop for a moment and peered down upon a bright red cowcatcher hanging up by two long nails with four yellow numbers written on it. The numbers were 4472. The woman let go of the child’s hand and then began to tug on the cowcatcher.

Oh no, not the Flying Scotsman’s cowcatcher!

“What in blue blazes are you doin’!” Bessie shouted just as she saw the woman try to drag the heavy iron cowcatcher from its resting place. That thing was Bessie’s prized possession, something she won off an auction from another railway museum. The cowcatcher was from Scott Gresley’s USA tour in the late 1960’s, an event that Bessie sadly missed. Scott Gresley, aka the Flying Scotsman, came to the United States on a friendly tour with his owner Sir Alan Pegler as a show of friendship between the two allies. It nearly ended in tragedy when the Prime Minister at the time withdrew funds and bankrupted Pegler and Scott was nearly scrapped to pay off the debts. Luckily, this was during the time of the Civil Rights movement, which then decided to include sapient steam engines in its movement. Scott was recognized as a person, not an object, could not be cut apart and scrapped, as that would be considered murder, and was sent home under good faith that the UK will recognize Scott’s personhood. They did, in fact. Scott’s now the second richest sapient steam engine in the world and helps to fund the British Railway Museum.

And the last thing Bessie wants is anyone to mess with her beau’s cowcatcher.

“You leave that alone!” Bessie shouted. “Security!”

The aids were already calling for security, Bessie sounding her whistle finally drew them towards where the commotion was happening. All the while, the woman took hold of the cowcatcher and hefted it from the nails. It slid and dropped face down with a loud clang! And right on the woman’s big toe as well.

She called out and slipped her foot from the heavy iron cowcatcher, hopping on one foot. The cowcatcher was very sturdy, so it won’t be easily broken from a fall, but no doubt it probably needs a good repaint after scraping on the concrete.

“You’re gonna pay for whatever detailing is needed to fix the paint,” Bessie said. “Security!”

At last the security guards grabbed the woman. One of them, a rather large man, picked up the child and then took both to their cars. All the while the woman kept shouting she wanted to sue Bessie for not allowing her son a cab ride.

Bessie had to file a small claims and take the woman to court over the damage to Scott’s cowcatcher. Of course, being an engine, she couldn’t really appear in court, but had her lawyer and her secretary appear on her behalf. It wasn’t much, just a couple hundred dollars to have the cowcatcher repainted, but then there was the filing the police report for disruption of the other customers, as well as being fined for delaying a passenger excursion train. Needless to say, the woman had to pay a hefty fine, and serve several hours of community service for her attitude.

Bessie would have given the boy a ride eventually, once he became 16, but now that’s not going to be possible. She put a ban on the boy until he was 18 so he could come back without his loudmouthed mother. However, being around 6 years old, it’ll be over a decade before that boy will be allowed to return to the museum.

But that’s not a problem for Bessie. Oh no. She intends to keep on puffing for another century, until the Good Lord finally decides its her time. Until then, she’ll keep taking passengers, and telling stories of her days on the Southern Railroad.

#flying scotsman #OC #steam engine #Gordon #Dana Gordon's Driver #fanfiction #r/entitledparents #parody

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