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#he's having a hard time

ratcandy · 3 months

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me when i'm an old man who just appeared in the middle of nowhere with no memory of how i got there, what i've done the past few years, or how long it's been since i've seen my family and also something else has been in control of my limbs for a while so i'm having to learn how to walk again and this is made extra difficult by the Cruel Fate of mushrooms mysteriously appearing underneath my feet and also also sometimes i find myself craving to eat those mushrooms. for some odd reason

#''is anyone going to give this sozo depression'' and then i don't wait for an answer #clamart #cult of the lamb #cotl spoilers #<- does this still need spoiler tag? i dunno. but just in case #cotl sozo #look i'm just saying if i was in his situation i would be upset too. to say the Least.and this isn't even mentioning how he'll react knowin #All the Things He Did. to the Mushroomos.#he's having a hard time #sozo

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duskyashe · 2 years

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NaNoWriMo Day #3

[masterlist] [part two] [part three]

Prompt found here

Warnings: Brief description of body dysmorphia, brief description of a panic attack, use of Zalgo text, please proceed with your mental health in mind (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

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The pit rage was bad tonight. He wasn't sure what triggered it, it hadn't been this bad since he nearly killed the Replacement, and that… that scared him. He'd worked long and hard to get control of his pit fueled outbursts after that incident. The memory of Timbers' fear was usually enough to knock him out of the rage, but for some reason, this time it wasn't enough.

It wasn't enough to chase out the rampant thoughts endlessly screaming in his head, this isn't right this isn't right I'm not right I̵'̴m̴ ̷n̴ơ̴̇̊̏͜ṯ̷͉̞̫̋̔̏ ̷̠̀̍͐ȑ̸̝̥̙̈́͠i̷̬͙̋̅́̚g̷̙̍͂h̶̡͙̀ẗ̸̮͝ n̷̨̼̤͇̖͇̱͂̍́̌̿ö̵͕̰̼͙̥̆͜t̵̢̛̥̤̓̅̄̌ ̶̖͉͎̓r̶͇̫̜͉̙͑̓ͅȉ̸̬͌g̸̹̪̍͋͊́͝h̴̰̞̥̦͖̜̩̎t̵̢͈̙͋̄̈́̌͘͝ ̶̰̖̜̪̳̦̽̓̕͝͝ͅn̶͕̺̯̣̜͠o̸͇͇̾̽͆͛́͋͝t̸̳̠̠̊ ŗ̴̡̬̘̬̜̗͈͎̠̎̅͐͊̓̚͘ḭ̸̡̧̛̘̠̘̯̏͒̑͝g̷̳͈̩͔̜͈̰̯̱̓̓̇́̀͒̇̓̔͘ͅh̶̡̧̡̡̪̹̒͌̀̇̀̒̌̑̕͝͝t̵͓̺͗́͌͊̀̊̄͊͂ ̸̧̥̦̺̯̪̱̤̖̭́̽̒̎͒͛̓̓͛̚ṇ̸̛͍͔͎̹͉̹͌͐̀̊̿͆̈́̕ò̵̱͌̍̋̑̀t̴̡̡̮̞̠̳̫͔̗̘̀͛̏͌̐̅͋́͝ͅ ŗ̴̨̡̗͔͓͈̦̜̘͍̪͔̜͔̓̓̈̄͛̓̈́̇̽͂̔̀̾͠ͅi̶̢̧̮̟̰̘̬̩̦̦̫̞̹̭̙̖͚̒͐͗̿̉͂̿̏̈́̀́͘͘͝g̶̢̡̬͎̬̫̩̱̫̤̤̮̫̯̹̅̋̈́̑̆̒̒͐̔͐̓͠h̴̛̩̟̽̍̌͌͋̉̆̔̈́̀͋̏̎͋̈̈̚͘̕͝͠ẗ̸̡̨̢̢͈̤̹̜̝͔̜͇͉̻̦͇͎̥́̀̍̃̌̃͛̀͐͊̐̾͗͊̽̈̋̚̕͜—he wanted to scream, but all that came out was a strangled gasp and an increasingly pervasive feeling of wrongness.

He couldn't explain it, couldn't begin to describe why everything about himself just felt wrong, why his guns both helped and made it ten times worse. He was spiraling out of control and he knew it, but he refused to put that look of fear on some kid's face tonight, which meant locking himself up in his current safehouse instead of going on patrol and trying to keep the overall destruction to a minimum.

It certainly wasn't ideal, but going anywhere tonight was an even worse idea. I'm not gonna become another kid's biggest nightmare, not again not again not again not right ̷n̴ơ̴̇̊̏͜ṯ̷͉̞̫̋̔̏ ̷̠̀̍͐ȑ̸̝̥̙̈́͠i̷̬͙̋̅́̚g̷̙̍͂h̶̡͙̀ẗ̸̮͝ n̷̨̼̤͇̖͇̱͂̍́̌̿ö̵͕̰̼͙̥̆͜t̵̢̛̥̤̓̅̄̌ ̶̖͉͎̓r̶͇̫̜͉̙͑̓ͅȉ̸̬͌g̸̹̪̍͋͊́͝h̴̰̞̥̦͖̜̩̎t̵̢͈̙͋̄̈́̌͘͝ ̶̰̖̜̪̳̦̽̓̕͝͝ͅn̶͕̺̯̣̜͠o̸͇͇̾̽͆͛́͋͝t̸̳̠̠̊—

"Chirp?" Everything froze. The raging pit stilled, his racing thoughts stopped, his frantic rocking halted. What—? "Chirrup." Feelings, emotions, things he didn't know he was missing but felt so impossibly right came surging to the forefront at that soft sound and Jason found himself flirting with whiplash, trying to find the source of it. Where—? There. Standing hesitantly in the doorway of his room, a black haired, blue eyed boy stood staring at him in concern. The kid shifted on his feet slightly now that Jason's full attention was on him, but instead of tensing and running, the kid relaxed and shuffled forward a little. "Cheep? Chirreep?"

Jason pulled in a shuddering breath and, following some unknown instinct, responded. "Chirp. Chirrup. Cheet." Tears streamed down his cheeks as, finally, something in his chest he hadn't even realized was tense started relaxing. It wasn't perfect, but it was so much better than even his best days at controlling the pit rage.

Shakily, he reached a hand out to the kid, a sob tearing its way out of his throat. He… he needed something, he wasn't sure what, but the kid had something to do with it. Thankfully, that seemed to be just what the kid was waiting for, as he darted over and knelt down within easy reach, but without touching him. He looked like he wanted to hug him, but wasn't sure if that'd be appreciated, which, y'know, fair, but with the kid so close, Jason realized that he wanted that hug, badly. Since the kid didn't seem to want to push his luck, though, it looked like it was up to Jason.

Slowly, telegraphing his movements so the kid could see what he was doing and decide if it was actually something he was okay with, Jason put his arm around the kid's shoulder and, after a short pause when the kid briefly tensed before he just melted into the touch, he drew the kid into a massive hug. Again, the kid tensed just ever so slightly at the sensation, but he quickly melted into it, and soon enough he was returning it with just as much fervor as Jason was putting into it. Soon enough, Jason wasn't the only one crying, and the two of them were cheeping and chirping at one another between sobs.

He honestly lost track of time, sitting there wrapped around the shivering and sobbing kid, but by the time both of their tears had started to dry and their breathing had calmed down, Jason was both more emotionally rung out than he'd been in a long time, but also more at peace than he'd ever been in his life. The directionless rage, which had been a constant burning inferno in the back of his mind since his dip in the pits, was the calmest it had ever been. His thoughts were settled, there wasn't an overwhelming sense of wrongness anymore, and he could feel things in a way he hadn't realized he needed in order to feel grounded, to feel safe. And it was all thanks to the kid, who—who had fallen asleep in his arms, sleepy chirps and whistles falling from his lips every so often, his eyes red and swollen from crying so much, and a fist full of Jason's shirt.

As relaxed as the kid was in sleep, that hand held onto Jason's ratty Wonder Woman t-shirt like a safety line. "Looks like you're not gonna let me go any time soon, huh, kid?" Jason whispered, running a hand through unruly black hair. The kid nuzzled further into Jason's chest as the sensation, letting out a happy little trill before trailing off back into his sleepy whistles. Jason smirked slightly at the sight and decided to just get comfy where he was. "Yeah, me neither. You ain't getting rid of me now, kiddo." He may not know where the kid came from or how he managed to get into his safehouse without tripping any of his alarms, but they could talk about that in the morning. For now, Jason was going to enjoy not having to consistently fight his own thoughts and emotions.

The kid didn't seem to have a good home life, or even just a place to call home, going off his clothes, which were a dirty mix of too big and much too small, and the size of the bags under his eyes spoke to how much sleep he'd had recently, or rather the lack thereof. The kid practically screamed runaway, and Gotham wasn't known for being kind to street kids. He'd have to confirm his suspicions in the morning, but he was willing to bet the kid was running from something big if he was willing to risk slumming it on these streets. Something flared in his chest, which made him tense in wariness, too used to flare-ups of pit madness, but this was different. It didn't feel like pit madness at all, didn't feel mindless or aimless, rather, it felt protective in origin. Like he'd do anything to keep the kid tucked into his chest safe; it felt like there was more to it than that, but what that more was, was anyone's guess.

Later, he firmly told himself as he shook his head. He took a deep breath and ran his hand through the kid's hair again, his smirk growing into a small smile as another little trill escaped. He'd worry about what happened tonight later. Right now, he was just going to rest and relax. Jason paused, though, tensing slightly as he noticed something. He… was he purring? As soon as he realized it, the slight rumbling in his chest stopped. Huh. Apparently he could purr, now, too, in addition to the chirps he and the kid had exchanged earlier.

A sudden, sharp, "Chirrrrup!" startled him and kick-started Jason's purr. A sleep dazed eye glared up at him for a second before the kid relaxed back into sleep, nuzzling pointedly at the spot his purr seemed to originate from, making Jason bite back a fond chuckle. The kid knew what he wanted and how to get it, that was for sure. He sighed and relaxed again, shifting a bit into a more comfortable position for both of them. The kid was right, though, the purring was a nice touch. Jason let out a jaw cracking yawn and settled down. With how they were clinging to each other, he'd easily notice if the kid woke up before him. He'd get his answers in the morning. For now? He was going to sleep.

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Okay, so for this one, I originally was going to add a second scene from Danny's POV, but my brain wasn't cooperating in any way, shape, or form after I finished Jason's POV, so I ended up just ending it here. It's more balanced in the hurt/comfort aspect than I wanted, but I also needed Jason's pain to feel real, and this was the result! I'm not really complaining, I just wanted more comfort ¯⁠\⁠_⁠༼⁠ ⁠ಥ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠ಥ⁠ ⁠༽⁠_⁠/⁠¯ but yeah! This one will probably end up with a sequel at some point (maybe some time this month, maybe sometime in December, who knows) cuz I really want to write Danny's POV of this, especially the morning after and going forward. So don't give up hope!

I just wanted to thank everyone who's been liking and reblogging my previous two prompt fills! You guys are too sweet, honestly (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

Also, if anyone feels like I missed a needed warning, please let me know! I sometimes miss them in my excitement to share my writings with the world...

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discountedmuses · 11 months

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He wanted it all to just be a dream. A terrible nightmare, but the seeds of doubt and despair have already been sewn within the supposedly cold hearted Knight of Talon. Even if it was a dream, these new found emotions were still very real and binding him.

Brann had made himself scarce the next few days, going through the motions as he usually would do, but now with being much more conscious of how he moved, how his face felt, how he looked on the outside. He'd be missing from training, missing from a mission even as well. He couldn't bare to be present.

After awhile, there was no activity from Brann's quarters. He'd stopped leaving it's confidments entirely, rationing out some MREs he had had tucked away. As much as he missed Reaper... He couldn't see him like this, not after all of that. The vague excitement of seeing him in passing had turned to dread, almost fear even at this rate in his isolation. Hell, did he even know he's been AWOL? Does he still really even care about him? His little knight.. right?

Currently, the man was fetal in his bed, one that'd wirelessly charge his spine augmentation, meant to charge him while he slept. Due to him not being terrible active, he was kept at a steady charge. His body was hidden under a mass of blankets, at least the ones he was issued and clutching on to a pillow like his life depended on it. Even with all this time laying around, sleep was rare and a miracle if it was even restful. Still, he can keep trying at least..

#ic #brann #open #open starter #sad man hours #he's having a hard time #could check up on him or antagonize him further lol

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obeythedemons · 2 years

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My poor little baby

#he's having a hard time #he's lost both of his brothers this year

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thewilddoghaunts · 3 months

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No matter what, we have eachother. We always have eachother.

#Stolas #for blitzy #he's having a hard time

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inkskinned · 11 months

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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone #yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr #ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person #and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens #have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists #and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference #we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender #and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different #i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.

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sleepis4theweak · 2 months

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Apparently when my younger brother was just born my mom found him napping with his blanket fully covering him, and she pulled back the sheet (worried he couldn't breathe or something) to find him fully awake staring at her. It scared the shit out of her and she still talks about it to this day lmao

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nerdpoe · 4 months

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Dan hates his Nicer Self.

He does. He really, really does.

The kid is naïve, cocky, strong in the weirdest ways that don't make sense-

And he's such a busybody! Always helping, always jumping into things, and always saying that he's definitely not trying to be a hero.

It's annoying.

It's so annoying.

For instance, Phantom got called in by the JL for an all-hands-on-deck situation right before a super important test. Phantom accepted the call.

But the JL had dealt with threats like this before, a million times-there was literally no need to answer the call.

Yet the little dumbass had.

And now Dan was at home, staying on the other side of the room away from Vlad, and watching the fight on TV.

Phantom takes a hit. Then another. Then another.

Good; he'll learn not to jump when the JL says jump, then.

Phantom goes down, disappears behind some rubble.

Dan doesn't care. He doesn't. Let the kid learn a lesson.

Phantom doesn't get up.

Just like Jazz didn't get up.

Or Sam, or Tucker, or his mom or his dad-

Dan sees red.

He barely hears Vlad as he rips a portal to the fight and steps out, in his own ghost form, and decks the bad guy-some demon named Trigun or whatever, fucking weeb-so hard he knocks the guy back.

The fight pauses.

"You touched the twerp," Dan growls, voice distorting and allowing his powers to manifest at full capacity for the first time in years, "So you get to lose your head."