#he doesn't even know Lan Xichen's name yet | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stiltonbasket · 2 years

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For the daemons AU, the two daemons' shenanigans during the library punishment where Wei Wuxian aids and abets them while Lan Wangji gamely tries to pretend he doesn't see anything?

Lan Wangji has a shameless daemon.

He knows of no remedy for this plight, for his daemon Yuchen (Wangji’s very soul in the shape of a beast, the essence of his own inner self) no longer obeys his commands. According to her, no Lan daemon can keep itself in check in the presence of a beloved one; and since Wei Ying is evidently Wangji’s fated person, made and matched for him in every way, Yuchen sees no need to maintain proper courtesy when Wangji and Wei Ying are alone.

She refuses to ignore Wei Ying’s Qingwan, even after Lan Wangji kneels by her side and begs her to leave the impossible creature alone. Qingwan is friendly with most of the daemons—and people—that Wei Ying knows, so he has noticed nothing strange about Yuchen’s queer behavior towards him; but Wangji is afraid that Yuchen will behave familiarly with Qingwan in public if she continues thus, and then his desperate efforts to conceal his feelings will be over.

“That is my goal.” Yuchen tells him one day, not unkindly. “He likes you, does he not? Why leave the poor boy in fear that his intended hates him?”

“Wei Ying is not a Lan, so he cannot possibly think of me as his intended so early. And if you would not pounce on his daemon every time we meet in private, then perhaps he and I could begin a proper friendship!” Lan Wangji snaps. “I do not deny that I care for him—how could I deny it? It is only that your impropriety is making everything worse.”

“And yet you will say nothing of your heart to him!” sighs Yuchen. “You have forced me to this trespass, Wangji. Do you think Elder Sister would have behaved any differently if Huan-ge had tried to deny Nie Mingjue?”

“Sister Yulan has never acted against Xiongzhang’s will. And anyway, Brother was four when he and Nie Mingjue met. It is acceptable for a child’s daemon to behave inappropriately, since the child is young and knows no better. But you—”

“I am you,” Yuchen says incorrigibly. “I have done nothing to Wei Ying’s Qingwan that you have not wished to do to Wei Ying yourself a hundred times over.”

Lan Wangji chokes and bites back a scream of frustration. He has not had a screaming fit in years—not since he was three years old, when the elders discovered that he had found a way to remain with his mother by sneaking Yuchen into the Jingshi—but quarreling with one’s own spirit is the most galling thing Lan Wangji has ever endured, and Yuchen does not seem remotely likely to give up.

Nevertheless, Lan Wangji endures, avoiding Wei Ying’s company when the other boy is alone and rejoicing in it when Brother or Jiang Wanyin are at hand to keep Yuchen from disgracing herself.

But then Wei Ying is punished with lines for suggesting a new cultivation path (a dark path he called the guidao, having thought about it in sufficient detail to give it a name), and Lan Wangji is charged with the duty of supervising him.

“I cannot fulfill this responsibility,” he pleads, when Xiongzhang informs him of his new task. “Xiongzhang, please. Wangji begs to be excused.”

“Is Wei-gongzi so bothersome that you cannot even bear to be near him?” his brother asks, perplexed. “If he has been troubling you, then...”

“No! He has not been troubling me. The issue is nothing of his making, but I cannot go. It is impossible.”

At this, a light, sibilant voice speaks up from his brother’s collar.

“It is not,” Yulan rebukes him gently, lifting her scaled head from the warmth of Lan Xichen’s neck. “My meimei does not share your opinion, and since Yuchen is the heart of you, I will trust in her. Xichen, comfort our didi; but Uncle has given him a task, and the task must be fulfilled.”

Lan Xichen comforts him accordingly, fussing over Wangji until he escapes from the Hanshi with a pocketful of almond biscuits and Yuchen purring with mirth at his side.

After that, he goes straight to the library, hoping against hope that Yuchen will manage to control herself for the next shichen and a half.

But ten minutes later, Qingwan is showing Yuchen how to leap along the tops of the bookshelves without toppling them, and Wei Wuxian is laughing at the two daemons’ antics from below.

“Don’t be so angry with Yuchen,” he teases, as Lan Wangji fumes over the precepts he was copying—for since his misbehaving daemon and all her faults were an inseparable part of him, he had decided to address her lack of discipline by punishing himself for his own. “Lan Zhan, aren’t we still young? We haven’t come of age yet, and your soul is still a youth’s soul. Why shouldn’t Yuchen play?”

“If Yuchen wishes to play, there is a full mountain outdoors where she may make free as she likes,” Lan Wangji says stiffly. “She has been rebellious of late, but your daemon still obeys you. Get Qingwan to stop provoking her.”

“My daemon is obeying me! I want to play, even if you don’t, so Qingwan’s just fulfilling my desires on my behalf.”

Suddenly, Wei Ying frowns and glances over at Lan Wangji’s sheet of parchment. “Ah? Why are you copying rules, Er-gege?”

“Shameless!” Lan Wangji cries, despite himself; but on the high shelf over Wei Ying’s head, he hears Yuchen purring with glee like a cat that had been fed with the best cream. “I—I am not. I was merely practicing calligraphy. I could not think of anything else to write.”

“Aiyah, how unfortunate! You have such beautiful calligraphy, so why waste it on something so dull? Aren’t we in the library? There must be plenty of poems you can copy, Lan Zhan. Look—” and here he turns around and draws a slim volume of poetry from the shelf at his back, thumping it down onto Lan Wangji’s writing table. “This one’s by your clan founder! He must have written most of your sect precepts, right? So, copying his poetry would be just as good.”

Helpless, Lan Wangji takes the book of poetry and opens it. He cannot insist on copying the sect laws without Wei Ying growing suspicious—for his beloved is sharp-witted, sharp-witted and wise, and it is nothing short of a miracle that Lan Wangji has contrived to hide his affection for him—so he picks a verse at random and settles down to copy it out.

But as luck would have it, Wei Ying happened to pick up the book of poems dedicated to Lan An’s wife; and since Lan An had loved his wife dearly, and built a clan on the strength of that love, every verse is so sincerely sentimental that Lan Wangji feels his ears burn.

Qingtian carves me a new heart with the birth of each new dawn, Lan An had written, about twenty years after his marriage and the founding of the Lan sect. And every heart, once willed into life, is wholly devoted to her.

Lan Wangji gulps. Was this how Lan An felt, then? Had he been transformed after his wife first met him, and altered so completely that it seemed as if she had given him a new-born heart to love with?

His hand trembles as he copies the last word of the poem; and yet he cannot stop himself from turning to the next page, torn between fear and frantic joy as he imagines himself two decades hence, composing poems for Wei Ying.

Only, perhaps it would not be a poem. More likely it would be a score on the qin, for Lan Wangji has long been mediocre at all things concerning the spoken word.

As he sits there wondering what kind of melody would fit Wei Ying, he lets his zhiyin and their two daemons drift from his line of sight. It will be a sweet song, he thinks, for Wei Ying is so beautifully kind despite his brashness; and yet it would have to be bold to match his beloved’s strength.

Suddenly, a piece of paper flutters onto his lap; and when he looks down, he sees that Wei Ying had drawn a flawless portrait of him, seated with Lan An’s book of poems in his hands and a peony tucked into his hair.

It is perfect.

“What do you think he’ll say about it?” Wei Ying says to Qingwan and Yuchen, who had jumped down from the bookshelves to see what was going on. “Dull, maybe? Or boring?”

“Very dull,” Lan Wangji replies, through the hard lump in his throat.

He lays the portrait down tenderly, flat on the table to keep it from being smudged or creased, and then he returns to his book.

Vaguely, he notices that the page he was reading seems to have changed. Lan Wangji didn’t think this volume was an illustrated copy, since an injury to his right hand kept Lan An from drawing for his later compositions—but then he looks closer at the faint lines of ink, and nearly combusts on the spot.

For while Lan Wangji was busy marveling at the painting, Wei Ying had slipped a page of longyang into his book.

Lan Wangji throws the book to the ground and bolts upright, incensed. “Wei Ying!”

“I’m here! I’m here, Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying laughs, waving his lovely hands in the air—lovely despite all the mischief they bring, and how foolish Lan Wangji must be that he cannot help but think so at a time like this!

“What kind of a lawless creature are you?” he wheezes. “How dare you—?”

“What do you mean, what kind of creature? I’m a man! Don’t tell me you’ve never seen such things before.”

Lan Wangji draws Bichen from its sheath, determined to slash the offending page to shreds; but before he can bring himself to touch the thing, Yuchen bounds off the desk she was perched on and knocks Wei Ying flying.

“Help!” Wei Ying wheezes, crumpling to the ground as the leopard climbs onto his chest. “Lan Zhan, I didn’t mean it! There’s no need to turn to violence. I’ll go right now and leave you in peace! Yuchen, please—”

Yuchen opens her great white jaws and places her teeth near his neck, looking as if she were contemplating whether to bite down; but behind her, Lan Wangji can hardly stand, because his daemon is touching Wei Ying.

Wei Ying is touching his very soul, and the feeling is so raw and right that Lan Wangji falls to his knees.

“Do not do things that you do not mean,” Yuchen growls, her hot breath puffing over Wei Ying’s throat—and it is as if her breath is Wangji’s breath, warmed further by his beloved’s soft skin, drifting back to his own lips after touching Wei Ying’s. “You ought not to tease, either. And if you mean to do something, admit it. Elsewise, you will leave others in turmoil.”

Elsewise! Lan Wangji is already in turmoil, for though he is kneeling two yards away, it feels as though he has Wei Ying in his arms.

Somehow, he manages to pick up the leaf of longyang and burn it to ash with spark of his spiritual energy. Somehow, he manages to straighten his forehead ribbon and turn his writing desk the right way up again, all while his heart beats a battle-march in his bosom; for Wei Ying’s heartbeat is soft against his chest like the wings of a trapped bird, and this proof of Wei Ying’s dear life is so humbling that Lan Wangji wishes he could chase Yuchen away and kiss him.

But it is not to be, for Yuchen does not move; and before Lan Wangji can drag her back, Lan Qiren storms into the pavilion and descends upon them both with a bellow.

“Wangji!” his uncle roars, enraged. “Explain yourself! And you, Yuchen—cease touching Wei Wuxian at once!”

To Lan Wangji’s relief, Yuchen obeys, allowing Wei Ying to scramble to his feet and reach out to Shufu in supplication.

“Lan-laoshi, isn’t not what you think,” he pleads. “I was bothering Lan Zhan, and Yuchen couldn’t bear it. Don’t be angry with them.”

“Silence! My nephew knows what he has done.”

Shufu glares at him, daring Wei Ying to make another sound; and when he falls quiet, Shufu turns to Lan Wangji looking almost purple with anger.

“If things had already come to this pass, you should have spoken,” he says furiously. “If you could not control your daemon in his presence, you should have let me know! Now that such a trespass has happened once, it will surely happen again, and then where will that leave our clan? What will happen if Yuchen touches him when the two of you are not alone?”

“Laoshi, it’s not Lan Zhan’s fault—”

Lan Qiren uses the silencing spell this time instead of reprimanding Wei Ying, and his gaze does not move away from Lan Wangji. “Well?”

Lan Wangji kneels.

“The fault was mine,” he says; and even then, with his uncle’s displeasure bent upon him like a scorching ray of sunlight, he cannot help but melt at Wei Ying’s clear worry for him, and resolve to protect this mingding zhiren of his until the end of his days. “Wangji only wished to make sure that Yuchen would not disobey in public, and did not think something like this would happen so soon. If Wei Ying is willing, I will take full responsibility.”

Wei Ying is more bewildered than willing when Wangji tows him up to the Hanshi; but when he learns that Yuchen had leapt upon him in a frustrated passion, and not anger, he flushes so deeply that Lan Wangji grips his waist and pulls him close for fear that he might faint.

The two of them are married late the next spring, and being wed to his love is everything Lan Wangji could have wished for and more.

#wangxian #lan wangji #wei wuxian #mo dao zu shi #the untamed #my fic #DAEMON AU IS BACK OWO #>:3 #guys pls reblog this i worked so hard omg #daemons au

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whetstonefires · 2 months

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You know what else I can't get over, in terms of details about Wei Wuxian?

The narration says at one point that he really enjoys looking at women's faces. Now, this gets written off as typical danmei protests-too-much, but regardless of his sexuality I think it's perfectly factual.

The evidence: When he sees Qin Su, a person he specifically doesn't really know but is implied to have met in passing in his youth, he recognizes her effortlessly.

Even more notably, when he meets Wen Qing, a person he explicitly does not know but has seen in passing at formal events, he recognizes her instantly. Despite being in a very stressful situation.

He sees her briefly in a fury and has her name and a whole basic dossier for her on tap, such as her talents, her high position in Wen Ruohan's esteem, and the fact that she's renowned for being a normal person in a clan where that's unusual. 'Your sister is Wen Qing??'

Meanwhile, he'd totally failed to place Wen Ning a few days prior, despite active effort to place that oddly gentle looking Wen young master and a verbal reminder, and despite having had three reasonably memorable interactions with him. Poof, gone. File not found.

He also failed to identify Lan Wangji for several seconds, the first time he saw him again after his expulsion, on account of the guy wearing a different outfit.

Like, he was blinded by his beauty, but also he knew this guy for months and paid a lot of attention to him, and yet. Who that?? Lan Wangji is a silhouette and a color scheme before he's a specific person, apparently.

(Not that he hadn't learned lwj's face back in Cloud Recesses, because he was able to mistake Lan Xichen for him and then become momentarily baffled by the plural, but evidently he had misplaced that data in the intervening year of mostly not thinking about him.)

In conclusion, Wei Wuxian in the course of his normal life pays way more attention to women's faces than to men's. He is more likely to remember and identify specific women than specific men.

Why? This I do not know.

#hoc est meum #possibly it's that there are fewer to remember #like cultivation world is a bit of a sausage fest ladies stand out automatically #but the contrast is pretty dramatic lmao

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erotica-hooligan · 5 months

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Etienne Telling's 2023 Fic Roundup

All fics on AO3 are well tagged or have end notes with more details. Fics below contain everything from soft kink to noncon, so mind the tags and endnotes before reading.

114,307 words this year! Mostly CQL/MDZS, one original, and one A League of Nobleman.

In order of publication:

Brat, NieYao, Rated E, 3.4K.

Meng Yao comes home and ends up with an unexpected reward.

This Heavy Joy, Jadecest, Rated E, 22.6K

Xichen is determined not to allow Wangji to wither in isolation in the aftermath of his punishment. Xichen’s care draws the Twin Jades closer than ever and reveals old wounds alongside the new. As they struggle in recovery, Lan Yuan teaches them how to play pretend, and the Twin Jades redefine what it is to be a family.

Intricate, Wen Ning/Lan Xichen, Wangxian, Wangningxian, other implied ships, Rated E, 2.5K

Wen Ning walks in on Lan Huan dick out on his sofa, listening to Lan Zhan and Wei Ying fucking in the other room and takes charge of the situation.

Good Girls Don't, Xiyao/Jin Ling, Rated E, 5.3K

Jin Ling has a rape fantasy. Jin Guangyao doesn't trust just anyone to take care of her.

Grateful, A League of Nobleman, Lan Jue/Wang Yan, Rated E, 1.1K

"I wasn't even gone a week." How many more times will this scene play out between them? This is at least the third, and Mowen knows it won't be the last. He can only hope they'll keep happening, with Peizhi managing to escape from a mess of his own making by the skin of his teeth.

First, Jadecest, Rated E, 2.9K ⚠️Rape/Noncon, Underage

A teenage prank goes wrong and Lan Xichen finds himself the age he was when he lost his virginity.

Ask, Jadecest, Rated E, 5.8K

In which Wangji and Xichen play a cat and mouse game over Xichen's spanking kink.

drag it from the inside (like we're young again), Jadecest and Wangxian, Rated E, 6.6K

In which Wangji decides how to help his brother, with a little help from Wei Ying. A slice of Wangji POV from if you tell them where to begin. Not a standalone.

10/07/07 2:13 PM with @iamwestiec, Xizhui, Rated E, 24.2K

Introduced to a kink on ff.net, a teenage Lan Yuan stumbles into an ageplay forum in an attempt to learn more. With a new name (sizhui1987), false birth year, different gender, and insatiable curiosity, Sizhui makes friends with the forum's owner, shuoyue_writer. Drawn together by shared identities and caregiving preferences, Shuoyue changes Sizhui's life. Except… Shuoyue is Sizhui's Uncle Xichen, and eventually, the truth of who Sizhui is comes out and crashes down on the both of them. TL:DR: Sizhui Catfishes his Uncle Xichen, circa 2006-2008. A story told in AIM transcripts, emails, and vignettes

Home, Xiyao, Rated E, 4.9K

Xichen comes home to Meng Yao; he comes home to his mama.

Seventeen Minutes, Jin Gaungyao/Lan Sizhui (kinda), Rated E, 1.5K

The way of the Cloud Recesses is that a dominant must intimately understand what they are doing to their submissive. To understand, they must experience. It would be foolish not to accept a masterclass from Lianfang-zun, even if it means Sizhui's limits will be putty in Lianfang-zun's hands

Well Bred, 3zun/Qin Su, Rated E, 1.9K

The one where Qin Su gets fucked by her husband's beloved pony. And his boyfriend.

love is the voice under all silences, Xiyao, Rated E, 5.2K

The one where Jin Gaungyao allows Lan Xichen to whisk him away to happiness.

Recognition, Xiayo, Rated E, 17.2k ⚠️Rape (Xichen/Others)

Meng Yao rescues the first Jade of Lan and takes him into his home, becoming far more involved than ever anticipated.

strength and softness, Yu Ziyuan/Jiang Yanli, Rated E, 2.5K

Yanli has always been weak, but the truth of her weakness is a carefully guarded secret. It is not an easy life, yet with all of Yanli's secrets, she has one she treasures: there is a side of her mother that she is the only one in the world allowed to see. Or, the one where Yanli has a curse where she needs physical contact to live.

The Lemon House, Original, Nonbinary/Genderqueer, Rated E, 5.7K

A Day in the Life of a House Submissive for a Housing Cooperative in a BDSM AU setting. Wren’s second favorite thing about mornings is the satisfaction of giving its housemates a warm start to the morning. That their day will be a little nicer because of Wren. No matter how shitty its housemates’ days may be, Wren started them right. It will wait for them when they get home, bookmarking their days with warmth and affection.

#my fic

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pharahsgf · 2 years

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i:m sad lwj gets such a bad rep from jc fans and non wangxian fans in general. he's so good... i struggle to put into words why i like him but he's such a good character. he deserves to not be made ooc in fandom stuff :,|

g-d fr. anyway here's my incomplete list of things i like about lan wangji in no particular order

his resting bitch face and intimidating icy exterior hide a soft and romantic heart but also he is genuinely a bitch and intimidating and would stab someone for disrespecting his husband

the fact that he would stab someone for disrespecting his husband

very strong 'would get rained on to hold his umbrella over a tiny stray cat' energy

when jin zixun tries to peer pressure him into drinking only for lan wangji to 1. not care 2. make the gayest most openly homosexual expression humanly possible when wei wuxian swoops in to save him, no shame whatsoever

every time a social event occurs you see lan wangji sitting somewhere by himself just staring peacefully into the middle distance and thinking lwj thoughts and i always get the distinct impression that lan xichen went to him beforehand like "wangji i know you don't like to socialise but you should really try talking to some people today, it'll be good for you and you might make some new friends" and lan wangji was like hm and proceeded to not do any of that

it's such a stupid cute detail that lan wangji buried a'yuan in a pile of bunnies. like what the hell. i am on the verge of tears

conversation: *gets personal* lwj: *leaves*

his little smirk when he calls wwx boring in ep8 like you can almost see the photoshopped sunglasses and hear denzel curry's ultimate

he's considered an unequaled prodigy when it comes to guqin abilities and inquiry specifically like he can communicate with ghosts by playing music and they're not even physically able to lie to him how is that not the coolest shit ever

HE SAID BYE TO THE BUNNIESSSS

wwx doesn't even expect to be doted on and treated like a princess after coming back lan wangji did that entirely on his own volition. wei wuxian just exists in peace and lan wangji will start picking him up and throwing money at him and composing soaring love ballads dedicated to his beauty

the fact that despite all this he will hesitate for exactly zero seconds to make fun of wwx when he's acting stupid

very strong emotional inertia causing his character to be in a near-constant state of mourning as represented visually by his white clothing and the frost/snow motif that accompanies the respective apotheoses of said mourning. which, in addition to being genuinely heart-wrenching, FUCKS as an aesthetic

associated with rabbits and dragons, easily two of the coolest animals

episode 43 drives me insane. lan wangji with his hair down dressed down domestic as fuck bringing wwx emperor's smile and setting out tea and playing their song, laying no expectations on wwx but making it clear that he's welcome and wanted and offering his love and warmth for wwx when he's ready... augh romance, tenderness, throwing bouquets and roses

"you are not qualified to speak to me"

he's canonically good at math which isn't relevant to anything but i do feel like it adds a new dimension to his character

he wrote a gentle, soul-baring, beautiful song that silently confesses his love for a person who remembered the melody even decades after first hearing it and then made its title a portmanteau of their names

kneel.

*spends 3 years in seclusion to learn from & reflect on his grave sin of defending and siding with wwx the evil demonic cultivator* *returns to immediately add wwx the evil demonic cultivator's inventions to the core curriculum*

was a cute baby so you know he's blessed

he's one of the best if not Thee best cultivator of his generation yet refuses to indulge in the narcissistic posturing his peers engage in and instead uses his privilege and access to exclusive resources to serve lower class people completely for free.. yes lord

*grips sword handle to communicate emotional issues*

very polite and well spoken and clearly well-versed in all kinds of etiquette but if he hates you he has no qualms about being as rude and disrespectful as he reasonably can (pov you are jiang cheng)

he is very fundamentally misunderstood by almost everyone he's ever met and when wwx starts figuring him out and realising what makes him tick he's entirely resistant and hostile to his intrusions despite deeply craving that intimacy and acknowledgement.... mortifying ordeal of being known in its purest form truly. i want to study him in a lab

how he slowly goes from being distant and frosty and rejecting all of wwx's offers of friendship to being so warm and attentive towards him and you look at those gifsets of early lwj vs later lwj and it's like the first rays of sun after a long winter like he's radiant

ally to bi women (nice to mianmian)

when he was punished alongside wwx jc & nhs the first blow landed and he didn't even FLINCH, he sat there back straight and chin up with the dignity of a king and wwx was so impressed he caught himself mid-overreaction to follow lan wangji's example. absolutely iconic

188cm

the fact that he spends the entire gusu lectures arc in an ongoing emotional crisis bc wei wuxian is too attractive and he doesn't know how to deal w it

there have been zero small animals who didn't immediately trust lan wangji with their life so again. blessed

#replies #anonymous #long post #he's miserable. he's powerful. he's gay. he's under 3 years of house arrest. he's a wizard. he's an artist. AND he's my little meow meow

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crue11 · 2 months

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it was a habit , not even a temptation to annoy xingchen by calling him his daozhang . nothing really was on his mind other than the fact that he didn't want to call him by his name . . . not yet . no , he's not cleaned himself , he's not even came close to where xiao xingchen was standing . he's not proved the talkers wrong , why is xiao xingchen vouching for that devil ? hasn't he experimented with his spells on the corpses ? ? xue yang is surprised they didn't start with punishing him for the things he's already done but then again if they did , xue yang probably wouldn't make it out alive . [ @mythvoiced ]

then again , he wanted to cross every line between them ; make him regret even drawing them . xue yang was like a hungry animal but he's been getting way too hurt every time he tried to reach for the thing he wanted , took him a while to realize he was the one destroying it with his claws and fangs . . . his canine glints with his growing grin as he watches xingchen come closer . turning back toward the spring , listening to the soft flow of water and xingchen's quiet murmurs . his eyes close when cold fingers touch his scars — he remembers holding xingchen's limp hands in his warm ones , back then whenever it rained , stare at the gash on his pale neck that wasn't bleeding anymore . he avoids glancing at it now , not too violently but when his eyes fall there , he quickly looks away .

xue yang used to laugh , well , learned how to block the pain or some of it and laugh whenever men outside beat him up after getting their money back . older xue yang , would laugh , because he was already planning what to do with them and their tiny little fuss over their stupid money – older xue yang who was using the blade like it was a part of his body . gusulan was akin to those angry men who only knew how to beat up a frail kid because he's broken a few rules , now he murders them whenever he sees them but lan clan . . . well . he was here for a reason . xingchen wasn't guarding him or looking at him to protect him , in fact , xue yang was here because he had to prove something . and that , apparently , included staying silent and taking all the leash hits without using any spell to lessen the pain . he did giggle a few times when lan xichen glanced at his younger brother in pure shock because xue yang wasn't asking them to stop or go easy on him , xue yang wasn't attacking them back ; he was on his knees with a bloody , smiling mouth . ‘ what has tamed him ? ‘ and lan wangji is just a whole other level of blankness . sometimes it makes him uneasy .

❛ aaah . wei wuxian is a legend . nobody , no cultivator could do what he's done . ❜ his eyes close , jaw tightens when xingchen's touch draws pure agony from his layered wounds . his voice doesn't change , he doesn't gasp . ❛ a little bit of a whore , if you ask me but who am i to judge ? if he was leading us , there wouldn't be any ridiculous title as ‘ forbidden library ‘ . say , daozhang , if you have a library and put books in it , why do you stop people from reading them ??? just burn them if they're as forbidden as you say , no ? pft . ❜ his breath catches in his throat , the soft cloth that xingchen used to clean the blood pulls on a loose piece of flesh and he gulps . i'm doing it for you , it doesn't even hurt as much as your silent mouth hurt me . ❛ you know what should be forbidden in cloud recesses ? thin walls . do you know i changed my room because it was right next to this empty room that wei wuxian was always bringing lan wangji to and let me tell you — ❜ he stops all of a sudden , reaches back to grip xingchen's wrist when the water touches a very open , bleeding wound and sinks in . his grip tight , he gulps again , sweat beads gathered on his forehead . xue yang's breath comes a little uneven before he opens his eyes , half turned toward xingchen .

silence stretches between them , xue yang holds xingchen's wrist tight between his damp fingers as he stares at his lips . his voice is soft , but it doesn't carry the carelessness he had before . he doesn't sound playful , not happy ; he simply sounds desperate . ❛ . . . you look beautiful under moonlight . ❜ a pause , he leans in a little closer . searches xingchen's face , tightens his grip on xingchen's wrist , and whispers ; ❛ we never had a clear night sky in yi city , did we ? ❜

* cont.

#mythvoiced #xue yang.#blood tw #injury tw #i'm ..#i'm so done w him #he's losing too much blood and xxc is just sat there looking lIKE THAT . and .#he might pass out but pls yeah feed him he's always hungry #heh .

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guqin-and-flute · 1 year

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Hahahaaaa I couldn't pick just one, so I hope three is acceptable. ^^;

Xichen having FUN painting something silly /not like normal

WWX and the only vaguely annoying haunting

JGY doesn’t know games and it’s SAD

Oh, I'm totally happy to do more than one! 😁

Xichen having FUN painting something silly /not like normal

Unfortunately, this is one of the ones I don't have anything but the name and the idea. But it struck me that the Lan are so proper and sophisticated about their art that Xichen might not have done anything but calligraphy and whatever type of art style they were taught in school--like landscapes and whatnot. But what if he sketched his partners? What if A-Fu was watching him paint one day like '>:O !! THAT'S SO COOL, DIE, CAN YOU DRAW ME A DOG?' And Xichen is like '...yes, I believe I can!' And though he doesn't have a lot of practice with these things, A-Fu's opinion is that they're all MAGICAL. So he eagerly orders paintings and Xichen equally as eagerly paints them and revels in the ability to not be all dignified and perfect and paints a tiger with duck feet being ridden by a monkey for his son.

WWX and the only vaguely annoying haunting

Another single premise with nothing written for it yet, and I think I wrote it down as I was falling asleep? I think I was imagining maybe a cultivators in the modern day AU where *~sPoOkY~* stuff began happening in his apartment. But, like, lame spooky stuff. Like, the remote keeps being put in the trash next to the couch even though he KNOWS he put it down on the coffee table this time. The thermostat gets fucked with in the middle of the night, and maybe there's noises but it's some dude clearing his throat from down the hall. Not exactly menacing, you know?

He's tried contacting the ghost to see what it wants or if it's plans on passing on any time soon, but he's got no answer. It doesn't particularly seem like it wants to get help or justice or anything? He decides to name it Francis and when one of his non-cultivator friends hears him yell, 'Goddamnit, Francis, stop opening the cabinets!' while visiting, they're confused and ask, 'Don't you basically work for the Ghostbusters?' And he's like, 'Yeah, but it's so much effort to kick him out.'

This is one that I'm not sure I'm ever going to get to, but the premise was funny to me!

JGY doesn’t know games and it’s SAD

This one is an idea that @little-smartass came up with! In growing up in the brothel and being generally ostracized through childhood (and beyond), JGY doesn't know many of the common kids games that a lot of people know. Up until now, it hasn't been too much of a problem as he is an adult, but when his son and niblings ask him to play games with them that should be common knowledge, he's not so quick on the uptake. This happens a couple times and he feels more and more alienated and the kids, being kids, are not necessarily the most delicate about talking about it. They complain that they don't want to have to explain the rules or even just a simple, 'You wouldn't get it, die," andddd he pretty much spirals 🙃 This may or may not be its own little offshoot or it may show up in And A-Fu Makes Four!

From a tag game where I post a tidbit/talk about one of my WIPs chosen from a list of EVERY WIP title!

#ask game #tag game #my stuff #ask

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youhideastar · 2 years

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For WIP Wednesday, here's the first bit of my current WIP longfic, which doesn't have a title yet, but the file has the extremely on-the-nose name "Arranged Marriage.docx." I expect it to come in around 40K, and it's about halfway done. No warnings on this bit - hope you like it!

Lan Wangji is not consulted as to whether he wishes to marry. Wen Ruohan is accumulating power in a way that bodes ill for the other sects; alliances must be consolidated. Qinghe Nie has no potential spouse to offer—Nie Mingjue’s brother is his only heir, and his head disciple cannot be spared—so the choice is between Lanling Jin and Yunmeng Jiang: Jin Guangshan’s nephew, Jin Zixun, or Jiang Fengmian’s foster son and head disciple, Wei Wuxian.

The choice is left to Lan Wangji, as a courtesy; the options are presented to him in that order, with subtle emphasis on Jin Zixun as the superior choice, even though reliable reports name Wei Wuxian the stronger cultivator. He knows that it is because Jin Zixun is from a gentry family and Wei Wuxian is not, even though the Gusu Lan precepts are replete with exhortations to place no importance on birth or blood, but to judge others by their merits and virtues. The hypocrisy is distasteful. But that is not what makes up Lan Wangji’s mind.

Lan Wangji has met Jin Zixun. He knows firsthand that Jin Zixun is a crude, arrogant bully who thinks the whole world beneath him.

Thus, even though Lan Wangji has never met Wei Wuxian, his choice is immediate. Whatever else Wei Wuxian may be, he is not Jin Zixun. That is enough.

After the decision is made, Lan Wangji is not further consulted in plans for the wedding. He is involved enough with sect business to know that Yunmeng Jiang is striking a hard bargain for the loss of its head disciple, and he takes it as encouraging evidence of Wei Wuxian’s cultivation level, skill, and value to his sect.

He wonders, of course, about what his future husband will be like. As head disciple of one of the five Great Sects, he will surely be hardworking, diligent, and serious. As a commoner among the gentry, Lan Wangji expects he must be a master of proper etiquette and self-restraint; any slip-up in that regard would doubtless subject him to dismissive comments on his birth. By reputation, his cultivation level and skill are very high, and Lan Wangji has hopes that perhaps he will be able to assist Lan Wangji with his own duties as head disciple – that they might even be able the share the role as partners, in fact if not in name.

He hopes, too, somewhat frivolously, that Wei Wuxian might find him an acceptable companion, despite his own admitted coldness and terseness. Neither he nor Wei Wuxian are able to bear children, so there will be no need to share a marital bed; that should make it easier for the two of them to reach a natural, comfortable equilibrium. Two strings played in harmony; guests in each other’s home; a chaste and amiable partnership, founded on shared values and duties. This is Lan Wangji’s quiet hope, as he directs the placing of partitions in the Jingshi to provide private spaces for each of them to bathe, dress, and sleep. Perhaps, he thinks, as the years pass, they might even become friends.

The Yunmeng Jiang delegation arrives a xun before the wedding, for days of feasting, exhibitions, and negotiations. Lan Wangji waits at the entrance with Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen to receive them.

Of the main Yunmeng Jiang party, Lan Wangji recognizes all of them—Sect Leader Jiang, Yu Ziyuan, Jiang Wanyin, and Jiang Yanli—with the exception of a tall boy in black robes with a red ribbon in his hair, snapping in the wind like a flag.

It must be Wei Wuxian.

He is very beautiful.

Lan Wangji is immediately horrified with himself for such a shameless and senseless thought, but it is the truth. And when Wei Wuxian throws back his head to laugh, free and wild, at something Jiang Wanyin said to him, the desire that comes over Lan Wangji is not for a chaste and distant marriage.

#wip wednesday #the untamed #my fic

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eyes-of-mischief · 2 years

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weekly fic recs | 20

prompt: amnesia

fandoms: bnha, bsd, dc, mdzs, tgcf, tmnt

bnha

Lead Me From the Lethe by orkestrations

During the Sports Festival, One For All begins changing. At the same time, Izuku begins forgetting. Or is he only just now realizing what he doesn't remember?

I'll tell you where the real road lies: between your ears, behind your eyes

if we could always be so new by jihnari

Hawks panics. "Okay, alright, jeez, you caught me, I..." Hawks hesitates, gulps; tumbles forward, "Have no idea who you are." The eyebrow is still raised. "...Sorry?" Crispy Cream doesn't say anything for a long moment. The mental pressure it creates makes Hawks want to babble, but he manages to hold his tongue this time. "I can't tell if you're screwing with me or what," Crispy Cream drawls. "It's the 'or what'," Hawks offers.

Hawks gets hit with an amnesia quirk. Dabi gets begrudgingly involved.

bsd

Tenfold by dgalerab

(explicit) (graphic depictions of violence)

Dazai isn't expecting an ordinary mission to go wrong, but he should have. After all, Dostoyevsky is on the loose and needs Dazai to achieve his goals. As Chuuya realizes that Dazai's been kidnapped, he allies with the ADA to bring him back no matter the cost.

(Technically after my other Soukoku fics but can be read without.)

Part 8 of "Love"

hide the truth by writingfromtheshadows

When Chuuya wakes up in the middle of an ongoing fight without any memory of how he got there or what happened to him, he ends up turning to someone saved as 'bandage-waster' in his phone. Somehow, it just feels like the right decision.

Don't You Forget About Me by Sohotthateveryonedied

A mysterious stranger visits the Batfamily during the holidays. He remembers all of them, but they don't remember him.

mdzs

I would wait for a thousand years by bleuett

During the worst of winter, a traveler comes to stay at Lan Wangji's inn. He wears a red ribbon in his hair.

“Do you see the rabbit?” Wei Ying asks and points at the moon. “That’s the moon rabbit, he helps make Chang’e more immortality elixir. He keeps Chang’e company.”

“I do not wish the rabbit for company,” Lan Wangji says tightly. “You are the one I want by my side.”

“And I’m here, Lan Zhan. If you go to the moon, I’ll follow you, I’ll always be here now.”

how, or when, or from where by sarahyyy

Jiang Cheng sucks in a sharp breath. “What year do you think it is, Wei Wuxian?”

“2001,” Wei Wuxian says, and then cracks up when Jiang Cheng’s eyes widen in alarm. “Calm down, I’m just kidding. I know it’s 2014.”

Jiang Cheng stares at him.

Wei Wuxian is quiet for a beat. “I presume from your reaction that it is not actually 2014.”

“No,” Jiang Cheng says softly. “No, it’s not.”

(Or, the one where Wei Wuxian loses his memories, and tries to figure out why he isn't dating Lan Wangji yet.)

a cicada, singing, weighs on my heart by anatheme

Lan Xichen squeezes his arm once and lets go. Lan Wangji tries not to miss the warmth as the man continues, “Do not worry, Wangji. We have invited Young Master Wei and I am sure that he can help us break the curse. If there is anyone in the world whom I trust to do it, it is him.” All of a sudden, recognition sparks at the surname. It catches him off guard, after everything that happened in the short span of time, the familiarity in the name grips him with hope. Lan Xichen stood and Lan Wangji raises his head and speaks, almost without thinking, “Wait.” The smile on Lan Xichen’s face falters. “What is the matter?” “Young Master Wei,” Lan Wangji repeats even though the words do not fit his mouth right. It feels wrong even though he does not know why. He needs to know why. “What is his name?”

A night hunt leads to Lan Wangji forgetting everything except for his cultivation and his inexplicable connection to a person he cannot even remember - Wei Ying.

tgcf

sometimes the unexplained can define you (sometimes silence is the only sound) by IceEckos12

(graphic depictions of violence)

Every morning he wakes up, and forgets.

tmnt

Nowhere Boy by taizi

He was twelve years old, and he realized that his dreams were always the same. Every single one. "We need you. We'll find you," those indistinct figures would say, their eyes glinting in the darkness, shadows stretching out to him like hands. But he always woke up before they reached him.

#weekly fic recs #prompt #amnesia #bnha fic recs #dc fic recs #bsd fic recs #mdzs fic recs #tgcf fic recs #tmnt fic recs

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songofclarity · 2 years

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the nie deserve way better than being compared to red bull racists

mclaren is jgy and su she before the second siege the way they’re trying to steal everyone else’s juniors

And that is the reason I said making comparisons is dangerous 😂

As I said, I'm relatively new to the sport so I haven't seen and heard everything that was ever said. F1 is heavily Eurocentric, survives only because of the insane amount of money injected in by obscenely wealthy companies and the 1%, and celebrates its parental legacies of team-ownership and famous names, so it creates Old Boys Clubs where degrees of racism are sadly going to pop up like a never-ending game of whack-a-mole. Red Bull specifically, as far as I heard, fired that reserve driver* and they, along with several other teams, turned their back on 3x world champion Piquet, who was basically banned from interacting with F1. F1 obsesses over their past champions so basically cancelling one of them is at least a step in the right direction.

I chose the Nie Sect comparison with Red Bull namely because of their fierce driving and being tough enough to finally go toe-to-toe with the 7-years-world-champion juggernaut team 😘 And like with the Nie not having someone able to keep up with Nie Mingjue, Red Bull has had trouble finding someone capable enough to keep up with the very talented Max Verstappen. (Although I do think Perez has done a great job.)

*Nie Mingjue also gave a second (and third and forth) chance to Jin Guangyao, so Red Bull giving a second chance to that reserved driver, who also apologized, is pretty comparable, isn't it?

As for McLaren, are you referencing the Piastri situation? Jin Guangyao and Su She kidnapped a bunch of children with the intent of ruining their lives (by killing them). McLaren have a good car and offered a F1 seat to a F2 driver who didn't have a contract yet. Alpine completely and utterly blundered that one themselves. And before Piastri, Ricciardo left Alpine for McLaren on his own accord. The only thing comparable to this kind of situation would be, like, Lan Wangji asking Wei Wuxian to come to Gusu and saying since Lan Xichen joined the 3zun, spot #2 in the Twin Jades is available... and since Wei Wuxian is tired of waiting for a formal contract to be Jiang Cheng's righthand man, he is free to go LOL

What I would judge McLaren for is signing Piastri for 2023 while they still had Ricciardo for 2023, and then them waiting even longer until after he made a post about his dedication to the 2023 to let him know they were canceling his contract. Like that's kind of shitty? Maybe Jiang-like silly? lmao It's called Silly Season for a reason.

Picking a team for the Jiang Sect is hard and I'm not completely sold on McLaren. I picked it because, in addition to the above, their team and car are obviously built around Norris, who is the second youngest on the track and is also apparently the psuedo-son favorite of the team principle. Anyone else who joins the team is probably going to feel that 'I'm not the favorite' vibe (Ricciardo has surely felt that, what with him fighting with the car that still doesn't suit him this whole time) which makes me think of Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng with Jiang Fengmian ahaha

#anon #asked from above #mdzs thoughts #kind of more f1 than mdzs lol

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vrishchikawrites · 3 years

Note

You know what would be interesting?

JC never lost his golden Core.

And Wei Wuxian did not lose his.

But he still gets dropped into the Burial Mounds. And like I dunno how, but he comes out of there having mastered the new form of cultivation.

Jiang Cheng acts like a dick that's par for cannon. And this Wei Wuxian who has survived the burial Mounds with his golden core intact has no time for his drama.

He definitely confesses to Lan Wangji o ce he is out of the burial mounds.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji in the Sunshot campain would be brilliant. Cultivating and * *wink wink nudge nudge* * dual cultivating.

JC is seething with jelousy. He has everything. The gentry name, the money and sect leadership but the whole world is only speaking about Wei Wuxian and his like awesome cultivation. Both the sword style and with his flute.

Wen Qing and Wen Ning- Wen Ning convinces his sister to join the war. Wen Ning wants to be on Wei Wuxian's side.

What would JC throw a tantrum over if he doesn't have anything to throw a tantrum over??

Like for example he blames Wei Wuxian for Lotus Pier burning. Obviously it's not his mistake. But one day he is yelling at Wei Wuxian about it and sect leader someone maybe XiChen, maybe Sect leader Nie. Whoever. Comes and like defends Wei Wuxian.

What would he do then faced with the facts? Cling all the more to his warped world view? Or apologize?

It will be interesting to see.

You don't have to take this prompt if it's too messy or whatever. I love you and your writing.

Also, thank you for choosing to write my previous prompt.

XOXO.

(this is a little similar to trapped and patient but also quite different. Hope you like it! The format is a bit different because this is a lot of time to cover in a short prompt)

When he stumbles out of the Burial Mounds, Wei Wuxian is stunned. He can't believe he made it, that he was able to survive it, without his sword.

Wei Wuxian walks forward shakily, one unsteady step at a time, putting distance between him and that wretched place.

He feels weak, drained, devastated in small ways.

But he is free.

---

Yiling offers shelter in unexpected ways. He's able to hide in a temple to recover. His condition is wretched enough that he's mistaken for a beggar. A few people take pity on him and offer fruits and buns.

It takes him a week.

That's all it takes for him to recover.

Wei Wuxian washes all traces of Burial Mounds off him, soaks in icy river water for hours on end until he feels purified and reforged.

Now, he's ready for revenge.

---

Wei Wuxian has only tried his cultivation method on the dead. He has used it to repel the fierce corpses, fierce ghosts, and spirits soaked in resentment.

When he tests the method on the Wens, it proves to be even more effective. They scramble like mindless beasts, driven by fear and confusion. The sounds of his Dizi pierce the air and induce madness.

He watches from a distance, indifferent as the Wens turn on each other, swinging their swords, shouting at phantoms, all sense and intellect gone.

He turns away.

---

Jiang Cheng's arms wrap around him and the fog around his mind starts to slowly recede. He stands stiffly, blinking a little before looking beyond his martial brother.

Lan Zhan is there, staring at him with wide eyes. There's so much open concern on his usually stoic face that Wei Wuxian wants to turn away.

"Wei Ying,"

It is only then, under the power of that golden gaze, that his fugue state dissipates. He sees Lan Zhan step forward, almost reaching out only to pull back at the last moment.

Jiang Cheng pushes him away and punches his shoulder, "Where have you been? How dare you abandon us and just frolic off somewhere?"

Wei Wuxian swalllows with difficulty and answers their questions with his habitual dismissive charm.

But that honest expression of open concern on Lan Zhan's beautiful face doesn't leave.

He meets those golden eyes and feels something shift within him.

Shaking his head, he dismisses the feeling. There's no time for sentimental reunions. He turns his attention towards Wen Chao, unsheathes his sword, and kills him in one clean strike.

There. Done.

---

The war is already in full swing by the time he joins it. His martial brother and Lan Zhan are quick to take him to Qinghe, not even letting him ride his own sword.

"Wei-gongzi, I'm happy to see you safe," Lan Xichen greets, running a discreet eye over him. The older Lan brother's concern is well hidden but Wei Wuxian senses it nevertheless.

The man looks like he's just about ready to banish him to the healing halls.

He opens his mouth to reassure Lan Xichen but Nie Mingjue intervenes, slapping his back solidly, "I hear you're responsible for the devastation at Yiling. Good work!"

Wei Wuxian smiles brightly, hoping to banish that increasingly familiar look from Lan Zhan's face. "Thank you, Nie-zongzhu." He smiles up at the man, "I can give you a full report of what happened if you wish it."

The Chifeng-zun's expression shifts into one of approval and he nods, "I do wish it."

"I would like to know as well, if you don't mind," Lan Xichen says and Nie Mingjue nods before he glances at Lan Zhan.

He chuckles, "Lan er-gonzi can join us as well."

---

Wei Wuxian doesn't realize he's been spending more time with the Lan brothers and Nie Mingjue until Jiang Cheng angrily points it out.

"You're too good for us, are you?" He demands, "Abandoning us in favor of your new friends! Even in the battlefield, you and Lan Wangji are inseparable! Have some shame! How dare you abandon your responsibilities and mess around with that man?"

"a-Cheng," Shijie reprimands gently but her voice is weak.

"Aiya, Jiang Cheng, who keeps track of such things amidst a war? They're all our allies. It's not like I have abandoned everyone." He still trains with the Jiang disciples and leads them in battle after all.

"Wei Wuxian!"

"Jiang Cheng," His voice makes his irritation clear, "Is this really the right time to worry about such trivial matters? Who cares about appearances during war? Are were not all one when on the battlefield?" He asks, narrowing his eyes on the furious Jiang, "We don't know whether we'll live or die when we ride out and you're concerned about who fights alongside me? Just who are you speaking of?"

"Who I am speaking of?" Jiang Cheng snaps in return, "Your obsession with that man is unseemly and reflects poorly on the sect! You know it and yet you carry on shamelessly-"

"My obsession?" He demands, "Just what are you trying to imply, Jiang Cheng? You're going to be a brat just because Lan Zhan happens to be the only one able to keep up with me?" It is no secret that his three month stint sharpened his cultivation in ways people find hard to fathom. He didn’t just develop a new cultivation method, he grew. Surviving the Burial Mounds is a feet beyond the skill and endurance of most cultivators.

Wei Wuxian has earned his already formidable reputation.

Jiang Cheng reels back at the reminder, his face twisting with rage.

Never let it be said that Wei Wuxian takes things lying down. He has spent a lifetime appeasing Jiang Cheng and dealing with his insecurities.

He no longer has the patience.

---

He reaches out instinctively, pulling Lan Zhan out of a blade's path, spinning around to block the strike with his bare arm.

His thick leather brace manages to minimize the damage and he doesn't lose his arm but it is a near thing.

With a hiss, he crowds against Lan Zhan and brings Suibian down in a sharp slash, cutting the Wen before him from left shoulder to right hip.

"Reckless." Lan Zhan says later as he carefully stitches the cut.

"I couldn't let you get hurt." Wei Wuxian says softly, peering down at the kneeling figure before him. He has seen Lan Zhan in various states of indignity, covered in blood, robes soaked in the disgusting sludge of a war-torn field.

Nothing diminishes his beauty.

Wei Wuxian's heart races, his head spinning as he smells the scent of sandalwood. He swallows as Lan Zhan shifts closer, carefully snipping the excess thread and studying his neat stitches.

This close, he feels overwhelmed and realization dawns.

"I love you," He breathes, stunned.

He loves Lan Zhan. The knowledge strikes him now, suddenly, without warning. "How did I not know?" Wei Wuxian feels strangely dazed. How could he not know? It is so obvious to him, his constant need for Lan Zhan's attention, "I hate it when you ignore me." The feeling of those snapping golden eyes on him when he finally manages to gain Lan Zhan's attention, "It's thrilling when you don't."

He has never met anyone more beautiful, "I find you better looking than any maiden." Lan Zhan's proximity now makes him feel-, "Breathless," He says, "When I'm close to you I feel- how did I miss-"

Lan Zhan grip is like vice around his wrist.

Wei Wuxian stops, going pale as he realizes how brazenly he had just confessed love to a man. If Jiang Cheng were here, he'd definitely gut him with Sandu, "Lan Zhan, I-"

Lan Zhan surges forward, eyes blazing and expression dark.

Warm lips slide over his and his mind goes silent.

He doesn't think a single thought that night.

---

War doesn't wait for anyone and Wei Wuxian doesn't say anything in protest when Lan Zhan pulls away from him. He watches with heavy eyes as Lan Zhan shrugs on his discarded outer robes and glances at him.

"Is your body alright?" He asks and Wei Wuxian feels a blush crawl up his neck.

“No! Of course it isn’t,“ He complains even though his body is buzzing with lingering pleasure. He pouts up at Lan Zhan, who studies him with careful golden eyes, “Really, going on and on, taking your pleasure without any care for my virgin body.“ Lan Zhan’s ears are delightfully red, “Who knew er-gege could be so bold?“

“Wei Ying,“ Lan Zhan’s expression is flat but his voice carries a hint of a waver. Wei Wuxian just grins in response, “Be serious.“

In all honesty, his body is already back to its regular state of being. His Golden Core is still spinning furiously and the lingering energy from Dual Cultivation has healed any aches and pains he might have.

“Fine,“ He says in a petulant tune, inwardly delighted that Lan Zhan is now his, “But er-gege must kiss me to make me feel better.”

Lan Zhan doesn’t hesitate, leaning over him and gently tipping his chin up for the demanded kiss.

Wei Wuxian sighs, sinking into it as a curtain of silken black hair forms a private cocoon around him.

---

The war ends but Wei Wuxian’s problems don’t end with it. Three issues stand before him; helping the Wen remnants, helping rebuild YunmengJiang, and figuring out how to marry Lan Zhan.

One obstacle stands in the way of two of these three goals. Jiang Cheng absolutely refuses to lift a finger to help the Wen remnants, even though Wen Qing’s assistance helped them win the war. Jin Guangyao may have killed Wen Ruohan but Wen Qing prevented thousands of casualties.

Wen Ning was also responsible for rescuing Jiang Cheng from the Wen capture before he lost his Golden Core. It was fortunate that Wen Zhuliu had been called to visit Wen Ruohan and Wen Chao had to wait to enact that punishment.

Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian managed to steal Jiang Cheng away just hours before Wen Zhuliu returned.

And yet, Jiang Cheng chooses to side with the Jins on the matter instead of listening to Lan Xichen or Nie Mingjue. Wei Wuxian knows it is partly because their sister is marrying into the Jin clan and they can’t afford to make things difficult for her, but still.

Jin Zixuan will obviously protect shijie. There’s no need to be so cautious, especially if three out of four sects oppose imposing any sort of punishment on innocent people.

On a personal front, Jiang Cheng’s disapproval of his relationship with Lan Zhan is blatant.

Jiang Cheng can’t really stop Wei Wuxian from marrying whoever he wishes. He doens’t need the sect leader’s permission as he’s not really the member of the family. But his shidi is making things difficult with his sneering disapproval and contemptuous comments in public.

He has already alienated Lan Xichen completely by calling Lan Zhan’s honor in question (boy did he earn the punch Wei Wuxian had leveled at him - sect leader or no). Nie Mingjue will never side with some upstart over Lan Xichen.

Lan Zhan himself doesn’t care. He has never liked Jiang Cheng and he never will. He only retaliates when Jiang Cheng tries to attack Wei Wuxian.

His protective er-gege as no tolerance for anyone trying to harm him.

Which is what, ultimately, breaks Wei Wuxian’s ties with YunmengJiang.

The confrontation is embarrassingly public. He doesn’t mind Lan Xichen or Nie Mingjue being present but feels upset about Jin Guangshan and Jin Guangyao being there as well.

“Twin Prides of Yungmeng, isn’t that what you promised me?“ Jiang Cheng demands, “Where will your pride be if you break all of your promises and get into...” He waves his hand at Lan Zhan in disgust, “Is this how you intend to repay us? My father raised you to be the Head Disciple of the Jiang Sect and you would rather be some sort of deviant?“

“Jiang Cheng-“

“And you would side with the Wen dogs too! Was this always your intention? Did you always want to bring down my sect and support its enemies?”

“The Wen remnants have helped us. They’re not our enemies.“

“They’re not our enemies now,“ Jin Guanyao interjects calmly, his voice soothing and patient, “But surely you see that it may not remain so? We cannot risk another war.”

“They’re barely a few hundred people and we have already taken most of their resources. They’ll live as poor peasants. How can they be a threat to us?“ Wei Wuxian asks.

“You’re indeed naïve, Wei-gongzi,“ Jin Guangshan says in a gentle, placating tone, “Perhaps your fondness for Wen-guniang is making you turn a blind eye. Beautiful women have a tendency to do that.“ He chuckles indulgently.

The sly implication in his tone isn’t lost on anyone. Lan Zhan’s expression turns frosty and Wei Wuxian feels a surge of fury strong enough to make his blood boil. There are so many things wrong with that statement that Wei Wuxian, for once, is rendered speechless.

“You question the honor of Wei Wuxian of all people?“ Nie Mingjue demands, taking a step forward, “I have stayed silent because Jiang Sect business isn’t my business but I will not have you slander and belittle a proven warrior in my presence!“

“Indeed,“ Lan Xichen says calmly but there’s no mistaking the sharp look in his eyes. Lan Xichen rarely reacts to provocations or interferes in sect matters that don’t concern him. But he’s not going to let anyone upset his younger brother carelessly, “The matter of the Wens is easy to resolve. Let us give them a small piece of land, let them set up a village, and forbid cultivation among them.“

“Er-ge,“ Jin Guangyao begins but Lan Zhan is out of patience.

He steps back and bows to all assembled before placing a hand on Wei Wuxian’s back, “Wei Ying will choose his own path. Wens will remain free. Wei Ying and I will marry.“ He meets Jiang Cheng’s furious gaze, “Jiang-zongzhu must decide whether his brother’s happiness matters to him.“

Wei Wuxian winces.

“My brother’s happiness?“ Jiang Cheng demands, “All everyone has ever cared about is his happiness! What about me? What about our Sect? A sect he nearly destroyed because of his loyalty towards you.“ Jiang Cheng looks at him, “Did you forget my mother? My father? How do you intend to repay the enormous debt you carry, Wei Wuxian?“

Wei Wuxian stares back at him, “What is my repayment, Jiang Cheng?” He asks softly, “What will it take for you to consider that debt repaid?” It has been over five years since the fall of Lotus Pier. Wei Wuxian has bled and slogged through war to restore that place to its former glory. He has kept Jiang Cheng safe, helped renegotiate shijie’s marriage, and used his name to draw skilled cultivators to YungmengJiang.

What more can he give?

“Loyalty.“ He stills, “You devote your life to YungmengJiang and nothing else.“

Lan Xichen makes a faint, alarmed noise while Nie Mingjue huffs in disapproval.

Wei Wuxian takes a deep breath, feeling Lan Zhan’s fingers flex on his back. He levels a flat look at Jiang Cheng and thinks on the matter of debts. He thinks about Madam Yu’s refusal to bend, of Jiang-zongzhu’s passivity and lack of planning. He thinks about the Wen’s unprovoked attack on Cloud Recesses and the inevitability of war.

He thinks of his Lan Zhan and shijie’s Jin Zixuan, without swords and facing an armed group of Wens under Wen Chao’s orders.

He thinks of love. Of what it means to be truly, unconditionally loved.

No sorrys and no thank yous. No debt owed for simply being a part of someone’s life.

He thinks of acceptance that comes with an older brother’s amused smile. He thinks of an uncle’s gruff admonishment to behave followed by a stiff reminder to eat, you’re skin and bones already.

He takes a deep breath and decides.

“No.“

#short prompts #Wei Wuxian #Lan Zhan #no golden core transfer #anti jiang cheng

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fannish-karmiya · 2 years

Text

The sects are all essentially independent governments. They have a responsibility to investigate for themselves before entering into a war on the say-so of an ally like Lanling Jin or Yunmeng Jiang. Would we accept it if a modern government didn't do their own damn intelligence work and just trusted a foreign power to do it for them?

Furthermore, it's extremely clear in canon that Lan Xichen knew things were off, and he just didn't care.

He's right here in Koi Tower when Wei Wuxian tells us how the Wens are being treated and states that Wen Qing's branch are innocent:

Wei WuXian, “Fine. I don’t mind explaining it in greater detail. You couldn’t catch the bat king and happened to run into a few of the Wen Sect’s disciples who were there to investigate the same thing. And so, you threatened them to carry spirit-attraction flags to be your bait. They didn’t dare do it. One person stepped out and tried to reason with you. That’s the Wen Ning I’m talking about. After some delay, the bat king got away. You beat up the Wen cultivators, took them away by force, and the group disappeared. Do I need to say any more details? They still haven’t returned yet. Apart from you, I don’t know who in the world I could possibly ask.”

[...]

Wei WuXian nodded, “Sect Leader Jin, it was never my intention to disturb your private banquet. My apologies. However, the whereabouts of the people whom Young Master Jin took are still unclear. Just a moment of delay, and it might be too late. One of the group had once saved me before. I will definitely not sit back and watch. Please do not feel pressured. I will make amends for this at a later date.”

[...]

Wei WuXian, “Did I say something wrong? Forcing living people to be bait and beating them up whenever they refused to obey—is this any different from what the QishanWen Sect does?”

[...]

Wei WuXian, “Take revenge on the ones who bite you. Wen Ning’s branch doesn’t have much blood on their hands. Don’t tell me that you find them guilty by association?”

(Chapter 72, Exiled Rebels translation)

Lan Xichen doesn't seem to find any of this concerning at all. He certainly never acts on any of these allegations. And he even says himself that Wen Qing's branch is innocent later in the meeting in Koi Tower after the liberation of Qiongqi Path!

Lan XiChen responded a moment later, “I have heard of Wen Qing’s name a few of times. I do not remember her having participated in any of the Sunshot Campaign’s crimes.”

Nie MingJue, “But she’s never stopped them either.”

Lan XiChen, “Wen Qing was one of Wen RuoHan’s most trusted people. How could she have stopped them?”

Nie MingJue spoke coldly, “If she responded with only silence and not opposition when the Wen Sect was causing mayhem, it’s the same as indifference. She shouldn’t have been so disillusioned as to hope that she could be treated with respect when the Wen Sect was doing evil and be unwilling to suffer the consequences and pay the price when the Wen Sect was wiped out.”

Lan XiChen knew that because of what happened to his father, Nie MingJue abhorred Wen-dogs more than anything, especially with how intolerable he was toward evil. Lan XiChen didn’t say anything else.

(Chapter 73, Exiled Rebels translation)

He just doesn't care enough to make more than a few token protests. Placating Nie Mingjue is more important to him than the lives of the Wens. His friend's feelings are more important to him than innocent lives. You can't say that he's just placating him for now to be diplomatic; he never pursues any of these allegations of abuse against the Wens, and later allows his sect to attend the pledge conference at Nightless City where all the sects gather swearing to massacre Wei Wuxian and the Wens.

Would people be making these excuses in a real life case of ethnic cleansing or genocide? I would hope not, but based on fandom's behaviour...well, I find it raises a very dark mirror to human nature.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #mdzs fandom #wen remnants #gusu lan #lan xichen #i woke up today and chose violence

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

Note

Prompt~ hoping you'll like it ♥️

Things between the Nie brothers are not always nice and happy, they fight, just like any other pair of brothers, and sometimes things are said, sometimes these things are heavy and painful. Sometimes they're said in the wrong moment (maybe at the eve of a battle? Sunshot campaign?) and huaisang doesn't know what to do with the broken look his brother gives him before leaving the unclean realm. Because what if he doesn't return? What if the last thing he said to him was how much he hated the man he became?

Labyrinth - ao3

“But I didn’t mean to wish him away!” Nie Huaisang cried out.

“That’s really too bad,” the goblin king said, looking pleasant and humble and charming the way he always did, even in his cape of glittering gold and high-browed hat. “I wish there was something I could do for you, but the rules are the rules. You wished him away, and I took him.”

“Aren’t you supposed to only take babies?” Nie Huaisang demanded.

“Your brother’s enough of a crybaby to count, it’s close enough.”

“It is not!” Nie Huaisang wrung his hands. “You don’t understand, the last thing I said to him was that I hated him! Meng Yao, please!”

“It’s Jin Guangyao,” the goblin king corrected. His smile looked a bit strained. “Listen, do you think I’m happy about this? He’s my sworn brother! I’m only doing what I have to –”

“Oh, save it for Lan Xichen,” Nie Huaisang growled. “Show me the labyrinth already.”

“You’re going to face the labyrinth,” the goblin king said. His voice was very polite, and yet still expressed significant doubt. “You.”

“Yeah, me!”

“You remember that it goes ‘through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered’, right? Not ‘through a nice teacher and a forgiving grading system’?”

“Yeah, well, your father is a fragging aardvark. Let me at the labyrinth already!”

“You know what,” Nie Huaisang said thoughtfully. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

The life-sized animated puppet blinked at him. “You – don’t want my help?”

“Nope. I’m good.”

“You haven’t even gotten into the labyrinth yet!”

“It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t have a chance to get in,” Nie Huaisang said, patting around his sleeve and pulling out a fan. “So I’m just going to walk over and beat at the wall till something happens.”

The puppet followed him, staring blankly. Quite a change from his original apologetic ‘I’m sorry, I’m busy with my own things, I really can’t help you, also it’s too dangerous and you shouldn’t go’ response.

“You were blackmailing me to help you just a moment ago,” the puppet said after a little. “Don’t you need a guide?”

“Listen, I’m bad at memorizing things and I’m a little useless, but I’m not actually dumb,” Nie Huaisang said, fanning himself. “Jin Guangyao is a demon of the mind above all else, and the labyrinth is supposed to be ‘fair’ – which means, more than likely, that the labyrinth is a reflection of the subconscious, specially tailored to each person’s strengths and weaknesses. And that means that you, who sound exactly like Lan Xichen, are almost certainly a set-up sent by Jin Guangyao to ‘reluctantly’ aid me and then betray me.”

“Uh,” Lan Xichen-the-puppet said. “My name’s Hoggle, actually.”

“Whatever makes you feel better, er-ge…A-ha!” Nie Huaisang beamed at the gates that automatically opened. “Perfect!”

“Oh, don’t go that way,” the worm said. “Never go that way. And are you sure you don’t want to come in for a cup of tea?”

“No time,” Nie Huaisang said. “Thanks a lot – wait.”

The worm blinked at him.

“You’re a pretty attractive worm, in a slimy sort of way,” Nie Huaisang said, frowning at him.

The worm blinked again. “Why, thanks!”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Is your name Su She, by chance?”

“Definitely not!”

“Mm. Oddly vehement of you. Never mind. Just, quick, could you tell me exactly why do I not want to go that way?”

“I don’t suppose straight ahead is an option?”

The hands-faces stared at him.

“I’m just saying, I feel like most of my problems so far have come from the fact that I decided to accept the whole concept of turns. It seems like a mistake.”

“…it’s a labyrinth,” another set of the hands said. “You have to make turns!”

Nie Huaisang shook his head mournfully. “I should’ve brought Baxia or something and just – ZIP. Gone straight through. You know what I mean?”

“I’m dropping you in the oubliette regardless of your decision,” the first set of the hands said. It sounded a bit like Sect Leader Yao. “Just so you know.”

“My life is so hard,” Nie Huaisang sighed. “So hard! Do you know what it’s like to be overlooked by everyone? Do you know how hard I have to work at being this useless?”

“Drop him,” the set of hands that sounded like Sect Leader Ouyang said, and the set of hands that sounded like Sect Leader Yao said, “Yes. Now!”

Down Nie Huaisang went.

“I can take you back to the beginning of the labyrinth,” Lan Xichen offered.

“What, and waste all that time? I have a time limit, er-ge!”

“It’s better than being stuck in an oubliette. That’s where they put people to forget about them, you know.”

Nie Huaisang’s eyes filled with tears. “You want to forget me, er-ge? You think I’m useless, don’t you? A good-for-nothing, who’ll never amount to anything –”

“Please don’t cry.”

“ER-GE! WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME!”

“Please stop crying!”

“So what’s the point of you?” Nie Huaisang asked the Wise Man with the Talking Hat.

“Not everyone exists to contribute to your storyline,” the Talking Hat snapped at him. “Some of us’ve got our own problems. Now hand over the candy!”

“Don’t be mean,” the Wise Man said. He had a white cloth over his eyes, and was smiling like he found the hat funny.

“Awww, but daozhang…!”

“Different plotline entirely, I guess,” Nie Huaisang decided. “Probably just here as a foil. Shall we keep going, er-ge?”

“I can’t believe you scammed me to get out of the oubliette,” Lan Xichen mumbled. “I can’t believe…”

“Oh, leave him alone, he’s just sensitive!” Nie Huaisang snapped.

“Am not!” the upside-down creature snarled, curled up on itself and trying to hide from all those that had been hitting him. Its fur was a vivid sort of purple. “Go away!”

“Don’t you have some sort of special power to help you here,” Nie Huaisang asked him as he tried to get him down before the goblins came back with weapons. “Rocks, maybe?”

“…lightning?”

“Well then get to it, will you?” Nie Huaisang frowned. “Wait. Lightning, constantly being tormented, terrible at communication, and purple? You’re Jiang Cheng, aren’t you?”

“…maybe.”

“Well then get down faster! I need to copy someone’s notes here!”

“Leave me aloooooooone!” Nie Huaisang howled, running away from the measuring snake.

“Wow,” Lan Xichen said, holding his cheek. “You kissed me.”

“You saved me from the snakes,” Nie Huaisang said. “Can we focus on how we’re in this awful stinking bog?”

“It’s not that bad!” a voice piped up. “I don’t smell anything!”

Nie Huaisang turned to stare, then pinched the bridge of his nose. “Of course you don’t,” he said. “I bet the total absence of a sense of smell helps when you eat spicy food, Wei-xiong.”

“There’s nothing wrong with spicy food!”

“You’re short,” Nie Huaisang informed the small goblin-like creature with the big grin and the red ribbon in its hair. It looked vaguely fox-like, or possibly like certain large breeds of rabbit.

“Why you..!” Wei Wuxian crossed his furry little paws over his chest. “Just for that, I’m not going to help you.”

“Uh-huh,” Nie Huaisang said. “Really. That’s awful…oh no! A dog!”

Wei Wuxian jumped high into the air. “A dog?! Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan! Save me!”

Much to Nie Huaisang’s surprise, a furry dog immediately darted out of nowhere – only Wei Wuxian didn’t seem afraid of it, but rather hid behind it, teeth chattering.

Truly, Nie Huaisang reflected, the eyes of love are blind.

“I think the ‘dog’ is gone now,” he said. “Your brave and noble Lan Wangji must’ve scared him away.”

Wei Wuxian’s head popped out from behind dog-Wangji. “Well, Lan Zhan is really cool…hey. Are you trying to manipulate me?”

“Is it working?”

“No!”

“So you won’t help me?”

“No!”

“Not even if it means you get to figure out a really tricky puzzle?”

“No – wait. A puzzle?”

“I can’t believe this is going to work,” Lan Xichen muttered from behind Nie Huaisang. “I mean, I can. But also…Wangji…I love you, but you could do so much better than this.”

“Ugh,” Nie Huaisang said. “I’m so thirsty.”

“Have some Emperor’s Smile,” Lan Xichen said, offering a jar.

“Amazing,” Nie Huaisang said, accepting it and taking a swing. “I had my doubts, you know, but you’re actually good for something after all, er-ge –”

The golden bird was Nie Huaisang’s favorite.

He’d worked so hard to bring it back to his aviary – it couldn’t be forced, he knew; it would play along at first but in the end it would turn on you and bite you. It had to be coaxed with gentleness and kindness, approached indirectly so as not to spook it, convince it that you really did mean well – that you were harmless, that it had no reason to fear you. It was arrogant, too, proud of its shining feathers and ashamed of the brown plumage of its chick days, which still remained visible on its tender underbelly. Ironically, that was Nie Huaisang’s favorite part of it, the soft and gentle part; it might not be as pretty as the gold, but it felt more genuine.

Nie Huaisang smiled as he brushed the beautiful feathers, and the golden bird allowed him. He felt cherished, treasured. So what if he had to hide all the sharp parts of himself to get this close?

It was fine. He didn’t like to be sharp.

He wanted to be soft. Soft and gentle, careless and free, relaxed and without effort, good for nothing –

Wait.

No!

“It’s all junk,” Nie Huaisang hissed at the pile of burning fans, tears in his eyes. “I want my da-ge!”

“You’re all right!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, helping pulled Nie Huaisang up.

“Huaisang-xiong,” Jiang Cheng said, looking relieved. “You’re back.”

“We have to go to the temple beyond the Goblin City,” Nie Huaisang said, teeth gritted together. “We have to. I won’t let that bastard…we’re going to go there and throw all his damned tricks right in his face!”

“Just us?” Wei Wuxian asked. “I mean, I’m awesome, Lan Zhan is fantastic, and of course Jiang Cheng is great, too, but…uh…there’s a lot of goblins in the city.”

“We’ll sneak in,” Nie Huaisang said. “He thinks he’s sidelined me entirely – he thinks I’m useless. He won’t be expecting me to get this far.”

“I can get help,” Jiang Cheng said. “I have friends.”

“…not to be rude, Jiang-xiong,” Nie Huaisang said. “But – really?”

“You know what,” Nie Huaisang said, eyeing the pile of rocks following Jiang Cheng around, each one painted with a name. One of the names was yellow. Two were in white, with forehead ribbons. “This is fine. I feel like it says something really rude about my empathy for and interest in our junior generation, or lack thereof, but you know what? I don’t care. It’s fine.”

“You saved me,” Nie Huaisang said blankly, looking at Lan Xichen, who shrugged, abashed. The remains of the mechanical temple guard were scattered all over. “Over – him?”

“Huaisang –”

“No,” Nie Huaisang said, holding up his hands. “Don’t. Don’t…I don’t want to hear you talk.”

Lan Xichen’s head dropped down and he looked at the ground. “You knew from the beginning what I was like,” he murmured. “I never tried to hide it –”

“I forgive you for being what you are,” Nie Huaisang told him, and Lan Xichen looked up at him, startled and pleased. “I forgive you for not having the backbone to stand up against Jin Guangyao for me – or for da-ge. For being willfully blind for so long, for needing someone else’s proof of his ill-intentions, for always picking him first, for never trusting me…I forgive you, even if you’d never forgive me for the same.”

He dashed away the angry tears in his eyes.

“I just wish this wasn’t a fucking metaphor.”

Nie Huaisang left the fighting to the people who knew what to do – Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng, even the rock-juniors – and went to the temple at the center of the city alone.

Some things, he knew, needed to be done alone, even if it was the type of alone when you were surrounded by other people. Even when those other people stood by his side and made him promise that if he needed them, he would only need to call. Some things…

“I want my da-ge back,” he said to the maze of stairs.

“Then go and find him,” Jin Guangyao replied, looking smug, and Nie Huaisang had to go up and down all those fucking stairs, because Jin Guangyao was nothing if not predictable with his trauma, looking all over, looking for –

Looking for pieces.

“It’s just a metaphor,” he whispered to himself, ignoring how tears were streaming down his face. “It’s just – I need to put him back together, it’s fine. I’m not too late – I’m not too late –”

Jin Guangyao held Nie Mingjue’s head in his hands, blinded and gagged and bound with talismans, pulled out of whatever oubliette he'd shoved it into to forget about what he'd done. “Beware, Huaisang,” he said, still smiling. Always smiling. “I’ve been generous up until now, but I can be cruel.”

Nie Huaisang laughed, scoffing. “Generous? What have you done for me that’s generous?”

“Everything! Everything you’ve wanted, I’ve done – I cared for you, I gave you attention, I got you out of work, doing your schoolwork for you and coming up with excuses to get you out of saber training. I gave you presents, fans and pretty clothing, and when that brute of a brother of yours tried to take them from you, I rescued you. And then I even managed your sect for you, answered all of your questions, any time you had – Huaisang, I’m exhausted trying to live up to your expectations of me. Isn’t that generous?”

Nie Huaisang bared his teeth. “Half of those are burdens that only fell on me because of you. Why should it matter to me that cleaning up your own mess and satisfying your own guilt is hard? Why should I pay such a price when all I wanted was to be your friend? When all da-ge wanted was to be your friend? How dare you, Meng Yao!”

“Huaisang…” Jin Guangyao shook his head mournfully. “Huaisang, the last step here is to say the words to break the spell. But you were never good at memorization, were you?”

Nie Huaisang bit his lip until he drew blood.

“Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered,” he said. “I have fought my way here to the temple beyond the goblin city –”

“Huaisang, stop! Look at what you’re risking here. You know how everyone loves me – do you think anyone will forgive you for taking me down, for tricking them all? You’ll be all alone!”

I already am, Nie Huaisang thought.

“My will is as strong as yours,” he said. “And my kingdom is as great…”

His voice trailed off.

“I ask for so little,” Jin Guangyao said beseechingly, convincingly, looking just like he always did, like the man who'd been their friend. “Just let me fool you, and you can have anything you want. No responsibilities, no stress, a life of your own. You can even have Lan Xichen, if that’s what you want…”

What’s the last line, Nie Huaisang thought, hating himself for being such a poor student, for cramming things into his mind without any order, for never being able to retain a single drop of it no matter how hard he tried. What is it? Why can’t I ever remember?

“It’d be so easy,” Jin Guangyao crooned. “Much easier than this. Just fear me, love me, believe me, and I’ll be your slave.”

Sharp teeth in a false smile.

Nie Huaisang shook in terror. He couldn’t – his da-ge needed him – he couldn’t be afraid, couldn’t be a coward, couldn’t be good-for-nothing – couldn’t let Jin Guangyao win – couldn’t let him –

That was it.

Nie Huaisang raised his head until his eyes met his enemy’s.

Sensing something wrong, Jin Guangyao’s eternal smile dimmed, and he began to step forward, reaching out, but it was too late.

“You have no power over me,” Nie Huaisang declared, and the world within a world collapsed.

Nie Huaisang opened his eyes.

Nie Huaisang sat in his desk in the Unclean Realm, trying to amuse himself by trying to figure out what exactly he’d eaten the night before that had given him such bizarre dreams. It was not successful, on account of him being alone.

Alone, just as he had been every night, and every day as well, since the success of his scheme at the Guanyin Temple.

Just as the dream-Jin Guangyao had threatened.

It wasn’t that Nie Huaisang regretted what he had done – the dream was clear enough about that; he’d do it all again in a heartbeat if he had to. But in the dream he’d been working alongside his former friends, with Lan Xichen betraying but then returning to him, with Wei Wuxian dragging Lan Wangji around, with stone-faced Jiang Cheng and the rather interchangeable junior squad behind him…and in his dream, in the end, they’d let him go to take his revenge, telling him that if he needed them for any reason, he could just call.

Just call, and they’d come back to him. Instead of turning from him in disgust, they’d stand by his side…

“Stupid subconscious,” Nie Huaisang mumbled to himself. “What do you expect? That I'd write to them and say ‘for no real reason at all, I find that I rather need you’?”

Silence answered him.

“Well, I do,” he said with a sigh, putting his chin on his hands. “Does that make you happy? I do need you.”

“You do?” Wei Wuxian’s voice rang out, and Nie Huaisang jumped nearly out of his skin. “Well, why didn’t you say so?”

Nie Huaisang turned, staring: it was Wei Wuxian at the door, the human version of him, and of course there was Lan Wangji right before him, and Jiang Cheng, and the (still mostly interchangeable) juniors, and – and even Lan Xichen, who Nie Huaisang was sure had gone into seclusion with no intent to leave.

“What are you doing here?” Nie Huaisang squeaked. And why hadn’t any of his sect disciples warned him?

“We just bullied our way though the door before anyone could stop us,” Wei Wuxian said cheerfully, answering the unspoken question first. “As for the rest – it turns out that I had the strangest dream the other night, really, truly bizarre, and obviously I had to tell Lan Zhan all about it, except it turned out he had a strange dream too.”

Nie Huaisang’s jaw dropped. “But –”

“I felt da-ge’s qi woven into the labyrinth,” Lan Xichen said quietly. “I thought it’d have long ago dissipated or been locked away, but – it was there, in every stone, in every turn. Every obstacle that didn’t really hurt you, every goblin that was more silly than scary…he was there. It was unmistakable.”

Nie Huaisang swallowed. The story of the labyrinth, baby-stealing wish-granting goblin king and all, had been one that Nie Mingjue had told him as a bedtime story, when he'd been a child in need of comfort; he hadn’t thought of it in years before last night. “But…why…?”

“Because Chifeng-zun has a demented sense of humor?” Jiang Cheng suggested, looking irritated.

“Jiujiu means that he hasn’t had that much fun in years, and also that you should throw a party,” Jin Ling said. “You are hosting all three of the sect leaders of all the other Great Sects. Also, why were we rocks?”

“Uh, no idea,” Nie Huaisang said. “Da-ge’s weird sense of humor, no doubt! Anyway, did you say party? I can do a party!”

He rushed out of the room, calling for his servants, calling for them to bring food and wine and tea, and as he did, he looked out of the window – a golden bird was flying away, looking hunted as if something was chasing it, and even as he watched, it crossed the borders of the Unclean Realm and suddenly dissolved into a fizzle of golden dust.

Nie Huaisang put his hand on the stone wall, and felt a familiar echo.

A very familiar echo.

“Oh,” he said, to his servants, feeling somehow simultaneously sheepish and filled with joy. “And while you’re at it, can you bring me my saber? I seem to have – misplaced it…”

#mdzs #nie huaisang #jin guangyao #lan xichen #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #lan wangji #su she #sect leader yao #sect leader ouyang #xiao xingchen #xue yang #my fic #my fics #labyrinth

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jiangwanyinscatmom · 3 years

Note

i'm so TIRED of people with vivid imaginations trying to convince every1 the things their brains came up with happened in MDZS, just saw some1 say about lan mom "SOMETHING went down between a creepy teacher and their mother. She gets forced into marriage with a man she doesn’t love and IMPRISONED before eventually committing suicide/ falling sick and dying" like WHERE? the only piece of information was LXC saying "i have no idea WTF happened" so he doesn't know, MXTX doesn't know but you do???

Some of this is a shock for my system so early in the morning... alright... I guess we're gonna go step by step with this just cause people are awful at reading, along with my stance on this particular bit of prevalent discourse.

Since this is greatly misinterpreted for whatever reasons, here is the relevant passage and only one in the text we get concerning the Lan parents. I'm going to add that this is alllll relaid by Lan Xichen and to keep that in mind with what is highlighted.

He spoke slowly, “The reason that my father often practiced secluded meditation was my mother. This place, compared to a place of living… was more like a place of detention.”

Wei WuXian was surprised.

The father of ZeWu-Jun and HanGuang-Jun, QingHeng-Jun, used to be a famous cultivator. He made his name at a young age and had many things waiting for him in the future. However, at the age of twenty, he suddenly backed away and announced his marriage. He had also ceased to care for much of the world. Although it was called secluded meditation, it was much more like retirement. People had come up with many possible reasons, but none of them had been verified.

Lan XiChen bent down amid the clusters of gentians. He gently stroked those thin, tender petals, “When my father was young, when he returned from a night-hunt once, he saw my mother outside of Gusu city.” He smiled, “I heard that it was love at first sight.”

Wei WuXian grinned as well, “The young are often sentimental.”

Lan XiChen continued, “But, the woman did not care for him the same way. In addition, she killed one of my father’s teachers.”

This was beyond imagination. Although Wei WuXian knew that asking too many questions would be very rude, however when he remembered that they had been Lan WangJi’s parents, he felt that he just had to ask. “Why?!”

Lan XiChen, “I do not know. But, I assume that it was something along the lines of ‘grievances’.”

Wei WuXian didn’t ask anymore into this and forced down his curiosity, “And… what happened later?”

“And then,” Lan XiChen explained, “When my father heard of this, of course he was in much pain. But, no matter how he struggled, he still took the woman to his sect in secrecy. Ignoring the objections from his clan, he knelt with her for the Heavens and the Earth without making a sound and told everyone in the clan that she would be his wife for the rest of his life, that whoever wanted to harm her would have to pass through him first.”

Wei WuXian widened his eyes.

Lan XiChen continued, “After the ceremony was completed, my father found a house and locked my mother inside. He found another house and locked himself inside. It was called secluded meditation, but it was in truth to repent.”

He paused before speaking again, “Young Master Wei, can you understand why he did such a thing?”

Wei WuXian answered after a moment of silence, “He could neither forgive the one who killed his teacher nor watch the death of the woman who he loved. He could only marry her to protect her life and force himself not to see her.”

Lan XiChen, “Do you think that this was right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

Lan XiChen looked somewhat lost, “Then, what do you think would be right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

A while later, Lan XiChen whispered, “It could be said that my father did this without a care for anything else. All of the seniors of the clan were enraged, but they had all watched him grow up. They could not do anything except guard this secret, hint to the outside world that the wife of the GusuLan Sect’s sect leader had an unspeakable disease and could not see others. After WangJi and I were born, we were immediately taken away to be cared for by other people. When we grew older, we were brought to Uncle to be taught."

“My shufu… has always had a frank personality to begin with. Because of how my mother caused my father to destroy his own life, he began to hate those who behaved improperly even more. Thus, he poured his heart into teaching WangJi and me. He was especially harsh as well. Every month, we could only see Mother once, inside of this cottage.”

They were two young children, who faced everyday only their harsh uncle, strict teachings, and mountains of books. No matter how tired, they had to straighten their soft backs to be the most outstanding disciples of the clan, the model students in others’ eyes. They could rarely see their closest relatives. They couldn’t fool around in their father’s arms, they couldn’t act spoiled in front of their mother.

But they had clearly done nothing wrong.

Lan XiChen, “Everytime WangJi and I went to see her, she would never complain about how tedious it was being locked inside of here, unable to step out once. She had never asked about our studies, either. She especially liked to tease WangJi, but WangJi, the more you tease him the less willing he is to talk, and the worse of an expression he puts on. He has been like this ever since he was young. However,” he chuckled, “even though WangJi never said it, I knew that every month he was looking forward to the day he could see Mother. He was like this, and I was the same.”

Wei WuXian imagined a young Lan WangJi hugged inside of his mother’s arms, his snowy little cheeks flushed pink. He laughed as well. But before his smile had even melted, Lan XiChen continued, “But one day, Uncle suddenly told us that we would have no need to go any longer."

“Mother was gone.”

Wei WuXian’s voice was soft, “How old was Lan Zhan back then?”

Lan XiChen, “Six.”

He continued, “He was still too young to understand what ‘gone’ means. No matter how much others comforted him, or how much Uncle scolded him, he would continue to come back here every single month, sit down in the hallway, and wait for someone to open the door for him. When he grew older, he understood that Mother would not be coming back, that no one would open the door for him, but he kept on coming here.”

Lan XiChen stood up. His dark eyes looked into Wei WuXian’s, “WangJi has been so stubborn ever since he was young.”

The leaves rustled and the gentian flowers swished alongside the wind, their scent lingering. Wei WuXian’s eyes landed on the wooden hallway of the cottage. He could almost see a small child wearing a forehead ribbon sitting with proper posture in front of the house, waiting quietly for the door to open.

He spoke, “Madam Lan must’ve been a very gentle woman.”

Lan XiChen, “In my memories, Mother had indeed been so. I do not know why she did such a thing back then. And, in truth, I…”

He took a deep breath before confessing, “I do not want to know either.”

After a few moments of silence, Lan XiChen closed his eyes. He took out Liebing. A gust of night wind suddenly sent forth a sobbing note of the xiao. The sound was deep, like a sigh.

Wei WuXian had heard Lan XiChen play Liebing before. Its timbre was just like Lan XiChen himself, as warm and graceful as a breeze and the rain of spring. Yet, now, although his technique was as excellent as ever, the tone evoked a strange mixture of feelings.

The night wind swept by. Lan XiChen’s hair and forehead ribbon were already somewhat disheveled. However, the GusuLan Sect’s sect leader, who had always regarded appearance highly, didn’t pay any attention to them. He only put down Liebing after the song had finished, “Music is forbidden at night in the Cloud Recesses. Today I have overstepped far too many times. Excuse me, Wei gongzi.”

Wei WuXian, “How so? ZeWu-Jun, have you forgotten that the person standing in front of you is the person who has broken the most rules…”

Lan XiChen smiled, “The GusuLan Sect has never revealed these facts about Lan Wangji and myself outside of itself. I should not have told you. Tonight was my sudden urge to unburden myself, a spur of the moment.”

Wei WuXian, “I’m not the kind of person who talks too much. Don’t worry, ZeWu-Jun.”

Lan XiChen, “Regardless, I would assume that WangJi would not hide anything from you anyways.”

Wei WuXian, “If he doesn’t wish to talk about something then I won’t ask.”

Lan XiChen, “But, with WangJi’s personality, how could he say anything if you do not ask? There are some things that even if you ask him he would not say.”

Now that we have the context of the Lan parents laid out the only definitive answer for anything concerning their personal motivations for anything is "I DON'T KNOW". Their secrets and thoughts literally died with them.

And this entire story Lan Xichen told in the end, had nothing to do with his parents. He did not tell Wei Wuxian about them, he was speaking everything unsaid about Lan Wangji's motivations and his love of Wei Wuxian. He does not care why his parents did what they did, but he does for the one that is alive. His brother who he had just had a bit of a veiled conversation about Lan Wangji's pure trust in Wei Wuxian. Who, in Lan Xichen's eyes, had already rejected his brother's love and did not feel the same, mirroring the past of their father's apparent unrequited love. He is saying Lan Wangji is sacrificing his all, unvoiced.

His pressing of if his parent "are right" is him asking Wei Wuxian what he feels about those sacrifices, if he can see the sacrifices Lan Wangji had gone through. At this point he along with Lan Wangji have assumed Wei Wuxian knows and remembers what he had said within the cave. He is telling Wei Wuxian his brother has alway been this way for those he loves regardless of what they may be perceived as by outsiders.

"Today I have overstepped far too many times. Excuse me, Wei gongzi.”"

"I should not have told you. Tonight was my sudden urge to unburden myself, a spur of the moment.”

Meaning, it was not his place to tell this about his brother, but there is no one else that would, and Lan Wangji would never say anything about his feelings again. Lan Xichen is first and foremost worried about where his brother has placed his love, as he knows, regardless of what rumors surround those he loves, his brother will still be forever loyal to them without question if he believes them to be in the right.

Lan Xichen is warning Wei Wuxian he needs to take care in his actions as he approaches Lan Wangji as Xichen is well aware already of how Lan Wangji will go through hell for others he adores. From the start it was never about his parents, as Lan Xichen says, "I do not want to know either,". But what he does want to know is where Wei Wuxian stands with his own feelings towards Lan Wangji or if he is still using his brother as he has thought for years. Leaving Lan Xichen to protect him as best as he can while Lan Wangji stays hurt for others with no happiness for himself.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #the Lan parents #It literally does not matter what was between them as they are dead and gone #Lan Wangji is the one left seemingly continuing their tragedy and rumors #the lan parents are a damn metaphore for Lan Wangji's feelings

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ibijau · 3 years

Note

Losing their memory only to have it come back after a much awaited true love’s kiss Nie Huaisang & Lan Xichen please. Lan Xichen loses his memory (maybe on a night hunt?) And even though him and Nie Huaisang have been together for over a year they haven't told anyone else yet so Nie Huaisang tries to wait for him to remember on his own but when he doesn't Nie Huaisang eventually breaks down and ends up kissing him. (Either completely alone or in front of a huge crowd) again I don't mind changes

also on AO3

this got a bit out of hand and is nearly 6K, oops?

Lan Xichen turns toward Nie Huaisang, and smiles politely.

“And you are?”

Nie Huaisang nearly drops his fan. More than the question, it is the tone of theother man’s voice that shocks him. It is the polite but slightly distant tone that Lan Xichen uses when talking to sect leaders or people who have come to beg for Gusu Lan’s help. Nie Huaisang has only once before been on the receiving end of that tone, the first time he came to visit Lan Xichen after the events in that temple.

It was a slap back then to be treated so coldly.

It is even more so now, with the new balance they’ve tentatively started to reach.

Nie Huaisang is too stunned to answer, but the juniors around Lan Xichen seem unsurprised by this. They trade a few worried glances, then the most confident Lan junior grabs Lan Xichen’s sleeve and smiles up at him.

“Lan zongzhu, that’s Nie zongzhu,” he explains. “He’s the one who came with the Nie juniors to help supervise the Night Hunt. You really don’t remember that either?”

“Not right now,” Lan Xichen amicably admits. “But I’m sure it will come back to me very soon. I’m sorry if that was rude, Nie zongzhu,” he adds, turning his attention back to Nie Huaisang and bowing slightly. “I seem to have suffered through a slight mishap and cannot remember a number of things. Please be patient with me if I behave inappropriately.”

Behind Lan Xichen, a few of the Nie juniors grimace. Even the Lan kids look uncomfortable. None of them know how close the two adults with them are, but they’ve seen their friendly banter earlier in the day, miles away from this reserved manner of address. Lan Xichen has never called Nie Huaisang ‘Nie zongzhu’ outside of discussion conferences. It feels wrong, so wrong that Nie Huaisang almost feels dizzy.

He keeps himself calm though. The children are already very distressed, and Lan Xichen is obviously not in a state to deal with anything, so Nie Huaisang has to take charge until someone more competent comes along.

“What happened?” he asks the Lan junior who spoke earlier. “Did he get hurt?”

A wound to the head could explain temporary difficulties, but Lan Xichen doesn’t look unwell. Indeed, the Lan junior only briefly hesitates before shaking his head.

“We’d spotted the demon,” the boy explains, glancing up at his sect leader. “Lan zongzhu thought there was something strange about it, so he asked us to stay back while he got a better look. But the demon spotted him and did something, and now he’s like that and doesn’t remember anything.”

Nie Huaisang nods along. So does Lan Xichen.

“If that’s so, I’m glad I went ahead,” he says. “A demon? How frightful. I’m glad none of you children were harmed.”

In spite of his growing anxiety, Nie Huaisang can’t help a weak smile upon hearing this. Even like this, Lan Xichen is still the same person, and Nie Huaisang is impossibly fond of him. It must be terrifying to not know who anyone is or what’s going on, and yet Lan Xichen is so fundamentally kind that he’s still more worried about the children than his own state.

“Indeed, we were lucky,” Nie Huaisang agrees, opening his fan to hide that smile he can’t contain. “From the way villagers described it, I wouldn’t have expected that demon to be strong enough to harm Zewu-Jun. That’s you,” he adds, catching Lan Xichen’s confused gaze. “Your courtesy name is Lan Xichen, you are sect leader of Gusu Lan, and your title is Zewu-Jun.”

“It’s pretty,” Lan Xichen muses. “What is your title, Nie zongzhu?”

Nobody says anything, but Nie Huaisang can still hear the juniors of both thinking ‘Headshaker’. He doesn’t get called that too much these days, but he doubts that it will ever fully leave him. Usually he doesn’t mind, but somehow it’d be embarrassing for this more innocent version of Lan Xichen to know anything about Nie Huaisang’s tricks.

“I don’t have a title,” he announces, before turning again to the children. “Do you have everyone from your group? Did you count yourself after the demon escaped? No one missing or added?”

“No, Nie zongzhu,” a different Lan boy answers. “We’re the same number as before. Nie zongzhu, can you cure Lan zongzhu?”

However touched he is that anyone would have that sort of faith in him, Nie Huaisang grimaces.

“No, probably not. Let’s go back to the inn for now, and from there I’ll send a distress signal to warn Hanguang-Jun.”

“Hanguang-Jun?” Lan Xichen curiously repeats. “A friend of mine?”

Before Nie Huaisang can answer, the Lan juniors all start correcting their sect leader, eager to explain who Lan Wangji is. Even some of the Nie children join in, such is the fame of the great Hanguang-Jun. All Nie Huaisang can do is herd everyone toward the village where they’re staying, and make sure that nothing too outrageously untrue is said.

He notices that while the children don’t hesitate to speak about Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen’s claims to fame from the Sunshot campaign and after, they are careful not to say anything about more recent events. The oldest among them can’t be much more than thirteen, but they already have enough good sense to guess that speaking of Jin Guangyao would only hurt Lan Xichen. Nie Huaisang feels proud of them, though he knows he has no reason. He’s not the one who raised them, and even his own disciples have not felt his influence much.

Perhaps more than pride, it is gratefulness that he feels. Or else, it might be admiration. Such is the effect that Lan Xichen has on people: it is impossible to know him and not care for him.

With the children chatting and Lan Xichen listening, they make it safely to the inn. That’s where Lan Wangji and the inevitable Wei Wuxian find them after a few hours.

Things, after that, go very fast. Lan Wangji checks on his brother while Wei Wuxian interrogates the juniors to learn more about the demon. Nie Huaisang stands to the side, knowing he won’t be of any help. He pays their bill, and announces to the village chief that they won’t be able to eliminate the demon just yet, but will make sure the situation isn’t allowed to degenerate.

It is a bit of a surprise when Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian say that they have no idea how to get Lan Xichen back to normal, but it isn’t a huge shock either. Nie Huaisang is starting to suspect the demon might have been extremely powerful, but merely of mischievous temper rather than outright evil and thus only caused small problems for local people. It is a little worrying that Lan Xichen might have been cursed, but the Lan elders are wise people and they will set him right in a matter of days.

So while Lan Wangji takes his brother home, followed by his husband and the Lan juniors, Nie Huaisang gathers his own little disciples and prepares to do the same without having exchanged another word with Lan Xichen. It doesn’t bother him too much.

He knows he’ll soon hear from Lan Xichen, and together they'll laugh about this misadventure.

As days turn into weeks, Nie Huaisang tries not to worry about the lack of news coming from the Cloud Recesses. If things weren’t going well, he would have heard about it. Gusu Lan might have a rule against gossip, but servants and guest disciples still like to chat. Just as Nie Huaisang was among the first to hear when Lan Xichen entered seclusion after the death of Jin Guangyao, he’s sure he would know if his curse had proved impossible to lift.

Lan Xichen must be fine.

Which means, also, that his silence must be a deliberate choice. That for whatever reason, he cannot find time to spare to tell his lover that he is feeling better, nor to schedule when they might try to meet again. Lan Xichen is a busy man, and ruling Gusu Lan is a more involved job than ruling Qinghe Nie, so Nie Huaisang has been warned from the start that if they chose to change the nature of their friendship, there would be long periods where they wouldn’t meet.

Nie Huaisang, refusing to appear possessive or clingy, decides not to ask for news when none is given. He has distracted Lan Xichen from his responsibilities too often when he was playing the fool, he cannot continue doing so now that he is no longer hiding.

Weeks continue passing, and still not a word from the Cloud Recesses, except an official letter reminding Nie Huaisang that he is invited to a discussion conference set there. The letter bears Lan Xichen’s seal, further proving that he is fine and simply too busy to fool around. Or perhaps that incident with the demon, and how useless Nie Huaisang was in the aftermath, has reminded Lan Xichen that aside from plotting murder and painting, his lover isn’t good for much.

The advantage of a secret relationship, Nie Huaisang realises one day, is that there’s no need for a public break-up. Lan Xichen only has to stop contacting him, and things are over.

He realises, also, that it was Lan Xichen who insisted on keeping things secret as they figured out if this could work. He had said that Lan Qiren and Lan Wangji might have objections otherwise, which seemed like a wise consideration at the time, but now Nie Huaisang can only wonder…

If this was Lan Xichen taking revenge for being left in the dark about Jin Guangyao’s true nature, then he played his cards well. Nie Huaisang never saw it coming, though perhaps he should have.

Even for a man as kind as Lan Xichen, some things must be too much to forgive.

When the time for that discussion conference comes, Nie Huaisang considers not going. There’s never much there that interests him in those conferences, and he doesn’t quite feel ready to face Lan Xichen yet after what he is now convinced was a silent break-up. He also refuses to give anyone the satisfaction of having wounded him, though, and that means he has to go to Gusu and act unaffected.

Not so long ago, it would have been odd to arrive at the gates of the Cloud Recesses and not be greeted in person by Lan Xichen. Usually whoever is guarding the entrance has instructions to go warn their sect leader that his old friend has arrived, allowing Lan Xichen to lead Nie Huaisang inside even though he was given a jade token long ago, back after his brother’s death.

This time, Nie Huaisang gets to use that token at last, because he is told to go in alone since Lan Xichen isn’t free to come at the moment. He supposes he should feel grateful that the token hasn’t been deactivated. Maybe Lan Xichen feared there would be a scandal. Maybe he doesn’t care enough to remember that Nie Huaisang even has that token.

Either way, Lan Xichen isn’t there, and ultimately it is Lan Wangji who comes to meet him and leads him to the guest quarters. Nie Huaisang figures it’s better than if it had been Lan Qiren, who still scares him a little from his time as a student.

At dinner that evening, Lan Xichen is absent. Nie Huaisang doesn’t ask any questions, but someone else does, only to be told that Lan Xichen has to deal with some urgent situation and likely won’t be present during the entire discussion conference. There’s some whispers about that, unsurprisingly, but no one is alarmed and Nie Huaisang least of all. With Gusu Lan’s reputation, they tend to be asked to help with very delicate cases that require great expertise. It is not so extraordinary for Lan cultivators to have to drop previous engagements to go help those in need.

Nie Huaisang may or may not be relieved that he won’t have to face his former lover just yet. Either way, he is careful not to show any emotion, especially once he notices that Wei Wuxian keeps glancing his way.

He will not give anyone the satisfaction of seeing his heartbreak.

Come morning, the discussion conference starts as it normally would. Lan Xichen’s absence is hardly felt at all. Lan Qiren is more than competent to represent Gusu Lan, having done so for many years. If Nie Huaisang’s eyes accidentally start looking for Lan Xichen every time someone says something particularly stupid… well, it’s unlikely anyone will notice. His reputation has improved, but Qinghe Nie is still not quite back to being a Great Sect again, nor is it likely to happen in his lifetime, so nobody really pays attention to him. Nobody except Lan Xichen, and…

Well, not even that anymore.

Which is fine.

Nie Huaisang has managed to be on his own for ten years, he doesn’t mind going back to that. The only regret he allows himself is that time passes so slowly in those damn conferences when he has nothing to look forward to. Inane chatter is so much worse without the promise of stolen tenderness later on.

But instead of being able to run to his lover’s arms

, when the discussion ends for the day, Nie Huaisang finds Wei Wuxian waiting for him at the door of the hall.

“Nie-xiong, let’s have a chat,” Wei Wuxian demands, grabbing him by the arm and kidnapping him so he cannot join others to dinner.

“I’m kind of hungry,” Nie Huaisang complains. “Can it wait?”

Wei Wuxian grins, and takes a small box from his sleeve, holding out for Nie Huaisang to remove the lid.

Nie Huaisang starts salivating the instant the smell hits his nose.

“Dumplings from that place you used to like,” Wei Wuxian announces. “It’s still the same man making them. So, can we have a chat, or would you rather have a proper Lan dinner with everyone?”

“Wei-xiong, you are the worst and I hate you,” Nie Huaisang grumbles, staring at the dumplings. “Fine, I’ll listen to you.”

Wei Wuxian grins and continues pulling him away from everyone. Lan Qiren, who leaves the hall last, notices them going away and glares at them but doesn't actually say anything.

"I see the in-laws are liking you a little better these days," Nie Huaisang remarks, carefully grasping one dumpling. He would have preferred not eating with his hands, but he can make sacrifices for the sake of a good meal. "Not long ago, Lan Qiren would have gone mad, seeing you disturb his conference like this."

"I didn't disturb anything, you lot were done for the day," Wei Wuxian objects, letting go of Nie Huaisang’s arm. He too grabs a dumpling, and inelegantly shoves it in his mouth. "And he's glad I'm helping with Lan Xichen," he adds, spitting food. "It's a difficult situation."

Nie Huaisang knows he's being baited. He truly knows it.

"What about Lan Xichen?" he still asks, unable to stop himself.

"Nie-xiong, don't you remember that curse he was hit with? We're still trying to lift it."

Nie Huaisang stops in his tracks and stares at Wei Wuxian.

"What do you mean you're still trying to… It's been months! What could take you so long? Aren't you supposed to be a cultivation genius? Isn't Gusu Lan a well of wisdom?"

Wei Wuxian shrugs, and gobbles another dumpling.

"So you really didn't know, eh?"

"How was I supposed to know? No one saw fit to inform me of this situation. Excuse me for having too much faith in your competence, Wei-xiong."

"Didn't it strike you as odd that Lan Xichen stopped contacting you after that incident?" Wei Wuxian retorts. "I know the two of you had become close again lately. Some friend you are, letting this much time pass without news."

Nie Huaisang's face burns at those words, and he quickly opens his fan to hide behind. It shouldn't surprise him that Wei Wuxian guessed what was going one between him and Lan Xichen.

"Yes, yes, we both know I'm a terrible friend, especially to Zewu-Jun," he grumbles. "I just assumed he was busy. Not everybody can ditch their responsibility whenever they please to go Night Hunting like you do, Wei-xiong." Nie Huaisang pauses, and sighs. "Is it really serious? Is he in any danger?"

Can I help? he wants to ask, though the very idea is so ridiculous it isn't even worth saying out loud. If all of Gusu Lan and Wei Wuxian have failed to bring Lan Xichen back to normal, Nie Huaisang won't be of any use.

"It's more inconvenient than anything," Wei Wuxian says, lifting a weight from Nie Huaisang's shoulders. "Aside from the memory loss, he doesn't suffer at all. His cultivation is still the same. He hasn't even forgotten everything either. He recalls everything to do with cultivation or the arts quite well, he can still fight without problem… But anything personal is just gone."

"Oh. Well, then it might be more of a blessing than a curse," Nie Huaisang remarks. "Or have you told him…"

Wei Wuxian quickly shakes his head, nibbling on another dumpling. Nie Huaisang steals another one and does the same, refusing to watch his dinner be eaten under his nose like this.

"We only told him basic things, to see if it would help his memory. He knows he has an uncle, a brother, that I'm married to Wangji… But since that didn't really help, we figured it was better not to say too much. Lan Qiren decided it would just have distressed him."

Nie Huaisang nods. He still remembers the way Lan Xichen looked that night, at that temple, after everything had come to light. To inflict that upon him a second time would have been too cruel.

"Truly a blessing then," Nie Huaisang muses. "Maybe it's for the best and we should let him be."

"Nie-xiong, you really are too dramatic," Wei Wuxian complains. "We've told him that his past has painful things in it, but he still wants to remember. And you should know, he's been asking about you."

Hearing this startles Nie Huaisang who gapes at Wei Wuxian.

"Didn't… Didn't you say he doesn't remember anything? Wei-xiong, make up your mind about this. I swear if you're lying…"

"Not lying," Wei Wuxian retorts, biting into the last dumpling. "He can't remember anything from before that Night Hunt, but apparently you make a strong impression on him that day. He frequently asks about the 'handsome young man' and has said a few times he wants to thank you for helping and keeping the children calm that day."

"He's just being polite," Nie Huaisang grumbles, his cheeks heating up upon hearing that even without memory of their acquaintance, Lan Xichen still finds him handsome. His looks aren’t too bad, but he doesn’t quite compare to some other cultivators. "I suppose some things don't change."

Wei Wuxian shrugs, and puts away the now empty box.

“So, Nie-xiong, are you coming with me so see Zewu-Jun? We told him you’d be here, he’s very impatient to ‘meet’ you at last.”

“No,” Nie Huaisang says.

“No?”

“No.”

“And why not?” Wei Wuxian asks, his expression quickly losing its warmth. “Aren’t you two quite close lately?”

Nie Huaisang hides behind his fan, and looks away.

“Wei-xiong, me coming to see Zewu-Jun can only have two effects,” he says, and raises a finger. “One, it does nothing to help his memory, he realises that aside from my face I don’t have much to interest him, and he’ll be embarrassed for even asking about me. I’m not stupid, without shared experiences, there’s little to draw him to me. It will just be awkward for both of us. Or else...” He raises a second finger. “Two, seeing me unlocks his memory. And wouldn’t that be cruel? He has a chance to live free from the burden of what happened, I would not take that from him.”

“Nie-xiong, you’re still a coward after all,” Wei Wuxian remarks.

“Think what you will,” Nie Huaisang retorts. “I’ve had to hurt him once like this. I can’t do it again. Could you, if it was Lan Wangji?”

“I know Lan Zhan would want to remember. Without the bad, we wouldn’t have the good either. Zewu-Jun said he wants to remember too, and he said he wants to see you. Isn’t that more important than your guilt, Nie-xiong?”

Nie Huaisang grits his teeth. There’s no reasoning with Wei Wuxian when he’s convinced to be right, and for someone who was so blind for so long, Wei Wuxian certainly thinks himself an expert about romance.

Lucky him, if what he has with Lan Wangji is worth all the pain, all the suffering. Nie Huaisang, given the choice, would rather not have gone through all of that. Even if it meant never getting the chance to be with Lan Xichen, who surely would have picked someone else if life hadn’t pushed them together. And whatever Lan Xichen says now, when he doesn’t know what darkness lurks in his past, Nie Huaisang is convinced he will regret it if his memories return to him.

Nie Huaisang doesn’t mind making that choice for him.

It won’t be the first time.

Besides, he’s already mourned the romance that had only just started between him and Lan Xichen. He is quite fine with having lost this, even if it isn’t in the way he imagined.

It’s fine.

Everything is fine, and this is for the best.

“I’ve made my choice, Wei-xiong,” Nie Huaisang announces with all the confidence he can fake. “Please tell Zewu-Jun I cannot meet him. Even if he’s upset at first, I’m sure he’ll get over it quite easily.”

“Nie-xiong!”

Ignoring his old friend, Nie Huaisang turns around and starts walking back toward the heart of the Cloud Recesses.

If he feels a cold, gnawing sensation in his chest and stomach, he’ll blame it on hunger. After all, Wei Wuxian very rudely ate over half his dinner.

Due to a mistake, the disciples Nie Huaisang brought with him to the conference have been given their own separate room rather than to stay in the same guest quarters as him, as would be more usual. Or, well, it might be unkind to call this a mistake. It is an arrangement that became needed after things changed between him and Lan Xichen, so they could more easily have time alone. Nie Huaisang can’t remember what excuse they gave to justify the need for this, but apparently whoever is in charge of organising things for the guests wasn’t told that this isn’t needed anymore.

A shame, because Nie Huaisang isn’t particularly in the mood to be alone. Or at least, not in the mood to be alone in the damn Cloud Recesses, where he has no way of getting his hands on alcohol except through Wei Wuxian and… well, it’s not really an option. Nie Huaisang will have to face his renewed heartbreak sober, which isn’t something anyone should have to go through, he thinks.

Just as Nie Huaisang starts wondering if he should just go to sleep and try to forget this unfortunate situation, there’s a knock on his door.

It is odd for anyone to come see him. His disciples know they can’t wander around so close to curfew unless there’s an emergency, in which case they wouldn’t knock. Wei Wuxian is angry at him, and will probably remain so for a few days to a few weeks, until he forgets they had an argument. King of Grudges Lan Wangji has done his best to pretend Nie Huaisang doesn’t exist, just as he does with Jiang Cheng. Nie Huaisang can’t think of anyone who might come see him.

There’s another knock on the door, the rhythm of it familiar, yet also not. After some hesitation, Nie Huaisang decides to go check, though he carefully keeps one hand on the handle of the dagger he took to carrying everywhere since launching in motion his revenge plan.

Nie Huaisang opens the door.

And then very nearly closes it again when he sees who his visitor is.

“I’m sorry for coming so late,” Lan Xichen says with a polite smile. “And I understand that you told Wei Wuxian that you had no desire to speak to me, but I really must have answers for some of my questions.”

Nie Huaisang does some quick math. He could still try to close the door. Either Lan Xichen would accept his rejection and things would end for good, or he will force the door open and Nie Huaisang simply isn’t strong enough to stop that. He knows what Lan Xichen would normally do, but he has no idea how different this version of Lan Xichen is. Nie Huaisang would rather not risk antagonising him, not now that they aren’t even friends anymore, and not when he knows better than most how terrifying Lan Xichen could be, if he just bothered.

With a sigh, Nie Huaisang gestures for Lan Xichen to come in.

“I have little to tell you that your brother and his husband couldn’t say better than me,” Nie Huaisang meekly states, his heart clenching at the sight of Lan Xichen in this room, too much like other times and yet so different. “But I’ll try to be of use, of course.”

“I’ve tried asking them first,” Lan Xichen reveals as he steps inside, letting Nie Huaisang close the door behind him. “But they’ve admitted that they didn’t know the answer to some of my questions, and they were reluctant to share speculation with me.”

Nie Huaisang hides a grimace behind his fan. He supposes he should be grateful that Wei Wuxian and his husband have acquired such a distaste for gossip, but sometimes it’s really annoying.

“If they don’t know, I doubt I’ll know much more, Zewu-Jun.”

“And I think you do,” Lan Xichen softly insists. “I have done my own share of speculation. I have found some letters, some paintings, a few gifts, and so I must ask… Nie zongzhu, am I right in thinking we were not only friends?”

The hopefulness in Lan Xichen’s face, in his voice, are so unbearable that Nie Huaisang has to look away.

Of course Lan Xichen would have figured that out. However much they tried to hid in public, in private they were quite open about the way they felt, all the more so because they never had the chance to meet quite as often as they would have liked. Nie Huaisang’s letters were hardly restrained, though still more so than some of the ones Lan Xichen sent him. The content of those would have left no doubt possible as to the nature of their relationship.

“Zewu-Jun, I’m not sure this really matters,” Nie Huaisang says, avoiding the question. “Since you have no memory of anything, no matter what our links were in the past, it would be unfair of me to demand for them to be maintained. I will not make demands of you, don’t worry.”

“I would not mind if you did,” Lan Xichen protests, stepping closer. “All these weeks, I’ve been thinking of you a lot. Everyone else acted so worried, but you were the one person who kept his calm, you took care of the children, you made sure the innkeeper was paid, you even made sure to update the people who had called for our help on the state of their problem… I was so impressed by how level-headed you were, and that’s why I started asking questions about who we were to each other.”

Blood rushes to Nie Huaisang’s face upon hearing his behaviour that day being praised. To him, what happened back then is a bit of a blur because he was so worried for Lan Xichen, so he doesn’t really remember what he did at all. Surely he can’t have handled it that well, it must just be that Lan Xichen is too kind, as always.

“Zewu-Jun, things between us… I won’t deny that they were a certain way,” Nie Huaisang admits, gripping his fan a little harder. “And I am very touched if I made a good impression on you that time. But things between us… you have to understand, even if things were good, it had come at a heavy price. I have done many things that you did not approve of. Things I am not sorry about, because in the end, I got what I wanted, and I’m the sort of person for whom that’s what matters. To put it bluntly, I’m not a very good person, and I have no intention on improving myself.”

“I don’t think you’re quite so bad,” Lan Xichen retorts with amusement. “I have read the letters you sent me. You seem like a very soft and sentimental person, Nie zongzhu, and I think I like that.”

Nie Huaisang sighs, and shakes his head.

Suddenly, he misses Lan Xichen.

The real Lan Xichen, the one who knew his tenderness and softness didn’t mean he wasn’t also capable of horrors. The one who loved him in spite of it… perhaps even for it, at times. And the reverse was true as well. Although he'd always had a bit of a crush on Lan Xichen, it wasn't until everything was exposed, until they'd both known the best of the worst of each other, that Nie Huaisang had really fallen in love.

He can't wish for this ignorant Lan Xichen to suffer what the original one had suffered, he isn't that unkind.

But he also can't love someone who doesn't have the life experience to understand why he is the way he is.

"Zewu-Jun, I'm really not the way you think," Nie Huaisang states, as coldly as he can manage. "If you remember someday, then I'll be happy to resume what we had, should you wish it. Until then… for your own good, it's better to go our separate ways. I don't have anything to give you, not as you are now. And I love you too much to wish you the pain of remembering your past."

"So instead, you cause me the pain of being rejected," Lan Xichen bitterly remarks, walking closer, close enough to touch, if Nie Huaisang wanted. He wants to. He still doesn't move. "Can I do anything to change your mind?"

"Zewu-Jun…"

"Please understand it is very unpleasant to hear you say that you love me at the same time you’re pushing me away. If you gave me a chance…”

Nie Huaisang laughs behind his fan.

“Trust me, it’s better for you. Just walk away and forget about me.”

“Nie zongzhu, give me a chance,” Lan Xichen pleads, looking so heartbroken that Nie Huaisang has to avert his eyes.

“It’s better that way.”

It is.

It has to be.

It isn’t like things could have lasted anyway. They both have a duty to their sects, to their families. It really is better this way.

“Then at least… would you kiss me, Nie zongzhu?” Lan Xichen asks.

“Zewu-Jun, that’s not…”

“Give me this at least, if you won’t give me anything else. If we were happy once, don’t I deserve a last goodbye?”

That would be a terrible idea. Nie Huaisang knows himself. If he gets that small taste of what he used to have with Lan Xichen, he’ll be tempted to actually take that risk, and then when it fails, when this too innocent Lan Xichen realises what he’s capable of and starts hating him for it, Nie Huaisang will know it was his fault for being weak, for not making this end cleanly.

It would be stupid to kiss Lan Xichen.

But it’s been months, and the day has been so long, and Nie Huaisang is too tired to continue making the right decisions.

“Just one kiss,” he sighs, closing his fan.

In an instant, he finds himself pulled into Lan Xichen’s embrace, soft lips pressing against his own with a clumsiness that he once found endearing, when it all started. Lan Xichen was so inexperienced when they got together, though he learned fast. To be kissed against with that unskilled enthusiasm is a bitter reminder that this man isn’t quite his Xichen.

Even knowing this, Nie Huaisang returns the kiss with a touch of desperation, his arms around Lan Xichen’s neck, keeping him close while he can have him.

After a while, Lan Xichen’s mouth pulls away. Nie Huaisang, who had closed his eyes at some point, opens them again and finds his lover staring down at him with an air of shock, panting harder than the kiss truly justifies.

Before Nie Huaisang can say anything, Lan Xichen breaks into a smile and kisses him again.

This kiss is different.

This time, Lan Xichen isn’t so clumsy anymore, he knows how to lick into Nie Huaisang’s mouth, how to bite and suck on his lips just right, leaving the other man breathless. His hands are no longer just on Nie Huaisang’s hips either, they move to pet his hair, to grope his ass, his thighs, to pull him closer until there’s no space between their bodies, pushing him against the door until Nie Huaisang is trapped in the most perfect of ways.

When that kiss ends, Nie Huaisang too is breathless, and his legs feel so weak that if he weren’t clinging to Lan Xichen so tightly, he’d fall to his knees for sure.

“You ridiculous man,” Lan Xichen breathes against his lips. “You always have to make things difficult, don’t you?”

Nie Huaisang’s grip tightens. The other man’s voice seems different suddenly. Warmer. If it weren’t foolish to hope…

“Even after all this, you really can’t believe I’d trust you?” Lan Xichen accuses, sounding too amused, too fond. “We’re going to have to work on this, A-Sang. I really thought you’d learned not to try to handle everything alone.”

“Xichen,” Nie Huaisang gasps, half fearful that he’s misunderstanding. “A-Chen, are you…”

“I’m back,” Lan Xichen confirms, rubbing their nose together before stealing a brief kiss. “And I’m not letting you go, you silly man, even if I’m a little cross you’re still so convinced you don’t have my full trust. You’re really…”

“No, don’t scold me,” Nie Huaisang mumbles, suddenly a little embarrassed by how dramatic he’s been, even if he still thinks he wasn’t wrong. “You can scold me later. For now, just kiss me again. I’ve missed it, and I’ve missed you, so kiss me, A-Chen.”

Lan Xichen grins, and promptly obeys.

Nie Huaisang pulls him closer. He loves this man, loves him so much, and he’s so glad to have him back at last.

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #wei wuxian #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #jau writes #and that's why I haven't done a prompt fill in a bit this one was just so damn long lol #theuntamedmulti

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xiyao-feels · 3 years

Text

So, this started off as a shipping bingo for MDZS nie//lan; I've added the bingo meme above so that you know what you're getting into. What it evolved into, however, is several thousand words of close reading of the NMJ+LXC relationship, getting some into the 3//zun dynamics and comparing it with LXC and JGY's relationship to help demonstrate my point. If that sounds interesting to you, read away! Fair warning: as you might gather from the bingo above I am not very gentle, not only on the idea of a romantic relationship but also on their friendship.

Originally, I imagined I'd be saying something like, while of course they were very good friends and LXC grieves for NMJ, there's no evidence of romantic interest. But I wanted to look over the scenes first, to get a handle on them properly and to pick out some quotes; and what I found, when I looked at it closely, startled me—I couldn't believe how little there actually was.

My methodology for this review, by the way: I searched the entire text for every variation on their name I could think of, and then read over the chapter for chapters they were both mentioned in. I also reviewed chapters where only one of them is mentioned (that's how I caught the reference in ch 16, where NMJ is only referred to as NHS' brother). I might have missed something, or I might have read it and not registered it, etc etc. I definitely don't have JGY's memory XP But I've done my best to be thorough.

Also, a heads up: while I've done a little bit of addressing NMJ's emotions, this is mostly focused on what LXC feels, because otherwise this would be even more ridiculously long and because that's where my interest lies.

I'll state my conclusions up front, in case you just want to know what I think and not have to wade through [mumble] thousand words to get there. But it's far enough off from even the standard non-shippy take on their relationship that I really did think it was worth walking through the evidence.

It seems to me that while NMJ and LXC were to some extent close before the war, they grew apart during the war and very much so afterwards. There are a few moments that suggest NMJ might feel unusually tender towards LXC, there is nothing similar on LXC's part, and frankly their post-Sunshot interactions that we see suggest that—while LXC certainly cares about him—he does not at all feel close to him.

Moreover, his personal grief for NMJ's death, and whatever personal betrayal he may feel about JGY killing his, LXC's, friend, are not the drivers of his emotional difficulties with respect to JGY.

Okay, now the evidence. This has been divided up into two parts, NMJ alive and NMJ dead.

Pt I: NMJ alive

LXC and NMJ were friends before Sunshot; while we don't have a lot of evidence to guess how close they were, we can certainly see signs of long familiarity with each other in their later interactions, and it's worth noting that we don't see either of them having other friends beyond, in LXC's case, JGY.*

*NMJ got along with his subordinate MY very well, but except for one incident it was purely in the context of a superior/subordinate relationship, and he does not seem to have been interested in MY as a person, so I'm not classing them as friends.

Nevertheless, during Sunshot, we can see LXC begin to grow apart from him, and in their post-Sunshot interactions they start not very close and end up quite distant. By the time if NMJ's death, it's clear that while LXC cares about him, he is not emotionally close to him at all.

A brief discussion of NMJ's feelings, before I spend most of the rest of the post focusing on LXC's. As I mentioned above, LXC seems to be NMJ's only friend, and he does react to him in ways he doesn't really seem to anyone else. In the teacups scene, for example, we're told that "while Nie MingJue had never been one for humor," nevertheless "in front of Lan XiChen, his expression eased." Later, towards the end of the stairs incident, LXC is able to dissuade him from immediately pursuing JGY's death, which I believe is as much as we see anyone ever do with NMJ's anger. Finally, in ch 46, when LXC and LWJ are playing music to deal with NMJ's headless corpse, WWX thinks that NMJ might particularly be responding to LXC playing Liebing: "Wei WuXian didn’t know if it was only his imagination, but as soon as the soft, serene tone of the xiao appeared, the corpse’s movement paused. For a moment, he seemed to have stood still and listened, then turned around, as though he wanted to see who was the one playing the music."

If you wanted to say that NMJ has romantic or quasi-romantic feelings about LXC, then I don't think that would be an unreasonable extrapolation from the text, although I also don't think it's a necessary one; friendship and minor romantic feelings are I think pretty much equally fair readings.

Even so, LXC is not his priority; rather, he prioritizes NHS and (probably not unrelatedly) JGY's moral rectitude. In Ch 48, the friendly 3zun conversation only happens because NMJ was seeking LXC out to bring him NHS' saber, which he'd left behind, and when he qi deviates it's NHS and not LXC who manages to bring him some calm just before he dies, and whose features he can recognize (ch 50). At the Phoenix Mountain Hunt (ch 69-70), we see no sign that either he or LXC sought each other out, and on those occasions we do see NMJ initiate discussion with LXC it's usually about JGY's moral rectitude (ch 73, his sarcastic remark about JGY's hard work after the conference about WWX; ch 49, his interjection during the guqin scene; ch 49, the beginning of the stairs incident).

And what about what LXC feels? Let's take a close look at the progression of their relationship.

In chapter 16, when NHS is studying at Cloud Recesses, we see LXC run into him and convey NMJ's query into his studies, having apparently recently returned from Qinghe. While he doesn't say what he was doing there, it seems reasonable to infer that he was either visiting NMJ or at least visited him while he was there. (ETA: NHS also hopes that LXC will put in some good words for him to NMJ, which also suggests that he expects they'll be in contact.) This establishes a baseline of closeness from before the war, however much they drift apart during and after. However, we never see any of their interactions before the war, or anything else about their relationship; this is all we get.

The high point of the NMJ and LXC interactions that we see on page happen during Sunshot, where we see them have three conversations (all in ch 48). High point, however, is a relative phrase. In order, there's the teacups scene; there's their conversation (including MY) after NMJ agrees to release MY from his service, with a recommendation letter no less; and there's their conversation where NMJ recounts what happened with MY in Langya.

Let's start with the teacups scene. NMJ and LXC do talk, but it's part of a group conversation with other cultivators—at least three and as many as six of whom we see interject,* one of whom is another sect leader—and it seems mostly about practical or immediate matters. The exchange on the page isn't long and "Soon afterward, Lan XiChen and the rest stood up" and are led to their resting areas by MY. Moreover, interestingly, it's NMJ who asks all the questions; LXC answers him, but doesn't ask him questions in turn, or comment on his situation.

*there are two separate occasions where there cultivators per chime in

(Note also that the focus of the conversation suggests that NMJ and LXC aren't communicating extensively through letters or anything, as does LXC not knowing MY is NMJ's deputy. I don't think this is hugely significant, given that there's a war on and presumably they don't want information leaking everywhere and LXC doesn't seem to have a fixed address, but it does seem worth noting—as does the implication, perhaps more significant, that LXC only stops at Hejian when he's escorting other cultivators: "Everytime Lan XiChen passed Hejian as he was escorting other cultivators, he would rest shortly[.]")

NMJ and LXC's conversation in the teacups scene stands in really stark contrast to the conversation between LXC and MY that NMJ is about to overhear. That conversation is very much private; it's in LXC's private resting area, and MY is sitting in the presence of Zewu-Jun. The conversation is sort of about the war, but really only as it relates to MY's dream of "earn[ing] a proper place in the LanlingJin Sect" and "receiv[ing] the approval of [his] father." The very first thing we hear LXC say is a comment on MY's situation ("What a coincidence. You joined MingJue-xiong’s force and became his deputy")! He is of course going to go on to raise the possibility of MY going to Langya (to serve his father), and independently volunteer to talk to NMJ if NMJ isn't willing to let MY go. And even after NMJ joins them, some things are kept private between LXC and MY; when he asks them how they know each other, LXC refuses to answer, and then when he asks MY to answer as LXC will not, MY also refuses him, since LXC doesn't want it spoken.

The two conversations are simply very different, in a way that suggests a strong contrast between LXC's feelings for and interest in NMJ and LXC's feelings for and interest in MY. It's also worth noting, as I mentioned above, that it seems that NMJ sought LXC out because he was bringing LXC NHS' sabre, so LXC can bring it on to NHS.

Now, let's look at the conversation the three of them have after NMJ volunteers to give MY a letter of recommendation and send him to serve his father in Langya. This conversation is, I think, the high point of the interactions they have that we actually see. LXC expresses a positive evaluation of NMJ: "Look, I told you that MingJue-xiong would respect your decision." He smiles at NHS' sabre, and responds directly to NMJ. And then of course there's this famous paragraph:

The three chatted back and forth, at times serious, yet at times light. The conversation was much more relaxed than when they had been in the living room. Listening to their chatter, Wei WuXian often wanted to get a word in as well, yet he was unable to do so.

That said...well. Again, there's nothing about anything here that suggests romance, and if you look at the reasons I give for it being the high point, that's not actually very high. As to the paragraph—again, I do think they're friends! But I think it's also noteworthy that the easiest conversation we see/hear about them having is one that is early in the war,* and where MY is also present, and one where NMJ has just done something good for MY.

*MY is noted as having joined the Nie forces "right after" Sunshot begins, and to have been promoted to NMJ's deputy after not many interactions; LXC also seems surprised at least by MY being NMJ's deputy, which suggests that he hasn't stopped there before while this was the case, and he comes by in the paragraph immediately after MY is promoted. Finally, after MY vanishes after his confrontation with NMJ in Langya, we're told that "during the next few years" no traces could be found of him. All taken together, this suggests to me that MY was NMJ's deputy for 1-2 months early in the war, and the conversation of course takes place at the very end of that period

(As ever, I recommend confusion-and-more's close reading of the second scene, here.)

The next interaction that's mentioned in the text is after MY tricks and immobilizes NMJ and flees, when NMJ describes what happened with him to LXC. I think it's worth noting exactly how the exchange is introduced:

Even when Lan XiChen had the time to assist Langya, a few days later, his anger hadn’t died down one bit. As soon as he came, Lan XiChen laughed, “MingJue-xiong, what a temper you seem to be in. Where is Meng Yao? Why does he not come and douse your flames?”

"As soon as he came," note! It seems to be literally the first thing LXC says. And while it is a comment on NMJ's state, its primary function seems to be as a lead-in to asking about the state/whereabouts of MY. Their exchange as the text shows us is /entirely/ about MY, and he's clearly the focus of LXC's interest. We also have this from LXC, which I think is interesting as it shows the contrast between his morality and NMJ's:

"Judging from his words, the person whom he killed had definitely done wrong. However, he should not have taken his life either. We are in harsh times, so it is quite difficult to determine who was at fault."

Their next interaction is in chapter 49, LXC defending MY from NMJ post Sun Palace—and I don't just mean verbally, he's defending against Baxia with an unsheathed Shuoyue through this whole conversation. At this point, he still has some faith in NMJ's ability to act rationally towards MY, as he asks MY if MY hadn't told NMJ about his being the spy, and NMJ displays familiarity with LXC, knowing that he rarely interrupted people. I'll note that unlike in CQL, LXC does not seem particularly angry at this point—MDZS LXC is almost never angry, including at multiple points where CQL LXC /is/—but overall it's hardly an example of particular closeness, and we see that LXC's morality continues to differ from NMJ's: "MingJue-xiong," he says of MY, "he was undercover in Qishan, and sometimes there would be some things that… could not have been helped."

Later in the chapter, just before the Flower Banquet, it's mentioned (possibly as inference from WWX) that LXC brought up the sworn brotherhood to NMJ, "having always hoped that the two [NMJ and JGY] would reconcile." Obviously we can infer things about their closeness from the fact that LXC does in fact swear brotherhood with NMJ, but we have no direct textual statement as to why he wanted to swear /himself/ to NMJ, be that personal or political or both.

Next comes the Flower Banquet. NMJ seeks JGY out, first, for his usual concerns with JGY's moral rectitude. Shortly after, LWJ and LXC come over; shortly after that, JC and WWX come over, though they soon move on. There are two things I want to note here. First, it's the only time we see LXC seek NMJ out (and one of only two times we see one of them seek the other out—the other will be in ch 73, after the conference about WWX, when NMJ comes over to him and JGY talking). Second, this is the only time we see LXC respond to NMJ verbally post-Sunshot in a way that isn't about defending someone, either JGY (the usual case) or WQ (at the conference in ch 73)—although it is to some degree a defense of WWX, and it's not quite directly in reply to NMJ, as NMJ and LWJ have a brief exchange on the subject first. These positive signs will not occur again, and I think it's significant that this is the earliest post-Sunshot scene we see.

The next scene for this analysis (chronologically speaking; it's in an entirely different chapter) is the Phoenix Mountain Hunt. Although we see NMJ and LXC arrive to the hunt in ch 69, NMJ arrives after the Twin Jades have started slowly riding into the distance and we don't actually see them interact at all; nor do we see them together in ch 70, the rest of the hunt. Moreover, there doesn't really seem to be any suggestion that they /did/ interact. When JGY says he's not sure if he'll be able to expand the hunting ground in two hours, LXC asks him why, instead of saying something like "oh right da-ge was doing all that hunting too." Moreover, when JGY answers him ("not only did Young Master Wei keep a third of the prey to himself, our eldest brother has eliminated over half of the fays and the monsters as well"), LXC's response doesn't indicate that he saw NMJ earlier, or knew what he was doing, though it does suggest a general familiarity with Nie Mingjue's character: 'Hearing this, Lan XiChen laughed, “That is how Brother is like, after all.”'

Now, this hardly rules out the idea that they had any interaction, but I think it at least suggests they didn't have any significant interaction, or any interaction after the hunt began. This is in contrast (again!) to his relationship with JGY—he was with him earlier for who knows how long, as they arrive on the scene together, and after this is going to go help expand the hunting grounds. They do have LWJ with them for this last, but he's helping them at LXC's request, and the framing of that request is very—well: "WangJi, should we leave, or would you like to help as well?" So LWJ can come help them, but if he doesn't want to, LXC is simply going to go off with JGY again.

If the Flower Banquet was the high point of their actual interactions on the page, post-Sunshot, then this is I think the most purely emotionally positive we see LXC feel about NMJ post-Sunshot. Significantly, it's based on an apparently older familiarity, and it's when they don't seem to have interacted recently and NMJ isn't even on the page.

The next scene they're in together, again chronologically, is in chapter 73. They're seated together in the first row, but that's explicitly because of their status, and they're grouped with LWJ and JC: "In the front row sat sect leaders and famed cultivators like Nie MingJue, Jiang Cheng, Lan XiChen, and Lan WangJi." During the conference, they have a brief conflict about WQ's culpability, which LXC leaves off explicitly because he's familiar with NMJ's hatred for the Wen. After the conference, we're told "the Venerated Trio gathered," but what this looks like in practice is LXC and JGY talking together and then NMJ coming over. LXC observed that JGY has worked hard, JGY is amused by the destruction JC wrought on his table, and then NMJ interrupts with a negative comment about JGY*: "All clever talk—hard work indeed." LXC smiles but doesn't reply. JGY tries to change the subject by asking LXC where LWJ is, and LXC gestures to the front, where LWJ and Mianmian are finishing up their conversation. NMJ compliments Mianmian, and JGY agrees. That's the end of the scene. I noted for the Flower Banquet that that scene unusually involves LXC replying verbally to NMJ in a way that isn't /just/ about defending someone; here, LXC does not speak a single word after NMJ joins them.

*In the interests of not being unfair I will note that NMJ did observe JGY lie; this doesn't really matter to the NMJ-LXC stuff except that it's a lie that LXC would also have noticed, as it involved contradicting LWJ.

NMJ and LXC are once again in the same scene in ch 78, for the swearing ceremony, and even speak one after the other. However, they don't seem to interact in any way, and their speech seems to be an important sect leader thing; we're told of their responses to JGS' toast, and then JC is explicitly contrasted in not speaking:

Nie MingJue, “May their souls live on.”

Lan XiChen, “Rest in peace.”

Jiang Cheng, however, still had on a darkened expression. He didn’t say anything even after he poured the wine.

Now we're back in the Empathy chapters, after a not insignificant gap: the next scene is the guqin scene, in chapter 49. Although LXC is playing guqin in the Unclean Realm, and is going to offer to teach JGY the Song of Clarity which he can use on NMJ, LXC and NMJ barely interact at all—they only have one very brief exchange, where NMJ objects to LXC teaching JGY the SoC (because it's leaking Lan techniques), LXC defends his decision, and NMJ realizes he's not going to change his mind so he doesn't say anything. Again, in contrast, LXC is very focused on JGY, asking him questions about his background, complimenting his playing, and independently offering to help him improve his guqin and even teach him an "exclusive teaching" of the Lan! The contrast is very noticeable.

A little after this, it's revealed that LXC left a guqin at the UR, apparently for JGY to use to play the SoC to NMJ. This is ostensibly because he is busy with the rebuilding of CR, although WWX speculates that this is just an excuse and that he "simply wanted to give Nie MingJue and Jin GuangYao a chance to ease their tension."

In chapter 30, it's revealed that at a Discussion Conference in the past, NMJ (who we are told otherwise would not have shown up, note, although it would have been an opportunity to see LXC) confronts the Jin about their refusal to sentence XY to death. He draws his sabre with the intent of killing XY, and gives JGY "a harsh scolding," causing JGY to "hid[e] behind Lan XiChen, not daring to say anything else." It seems likely that LXC defends JGY and/or helps to calm NMJ down, although nevertheless the Jin Sect has to (temporarily) give in on the matter of XY's death sentence; nothing about any further interaction they may have is noted.

Their next interaction is at the stairs incident, back in chapter 49. NMJ charges in on LXC and JGY, who are discussing the watchtower plans together, and tells LXC to stay there and JGY to come out with him. LXC's "face disclose[s] his worry," but JGY stops him and follows NMJ out. Some time later, LXC shows up at the conflict, coming to see what's happening, "concerned after having waited for long." He manages to calm NMJ down and prevent him from further trying to kill JGY, by talking about the work JGY has put in with the Song of Clarity, pointing out that he really is in a terrible situation, and urging NMJ to give him more time. Nothing he says particularly suggests that he feels close to NMJ; if anything, he seems kind of in denial about just how much NMJ is set against JGY.

Finally, there is their last interaction, just before NMJ's death. LXC is defending—well, not so much NMJ as the idea that NMJ hasn't rejected JGY completely, to JGY. His arguments are as follows: NMJ chose to become sworn brothers with JGY, which means he approves of JGY; when NMJ included in the oath stuff about "face a thousand accusing fingers, be torn from limb to limb," and so forth, he /also/ included "if one were to think otherwise," and since JGY doesn't think otherwise, he doesn't need to worry about it too much; that NMJ has always cherished JGY's talent and hoped he would choose the right path; and finally, that he's really really troubled by the saber spirit, that "[h]is anger was simply too great for him to have thought before speaking," and that JGY must not provoke him again (presumably by talking back, as he did at the stairs). As shining defenses of character go, this... isn't one. Again, he seems like he's kind of in denial about how much NMJ is set against JGY—notably, he didn't see all of the stairs incident, certainly not the part before JGY talked back—but it also doesn't exactly contain a strong positive assessment of NMJ. Forget his defense of JGY to Wangxian: this doesn't even compare to his confidence in NMJ in the conversation NMJ overhears and then joins at the Hejian front.

I realize all this is a lot, so to sum up their post-Sunshot interactions: we only see LXC seek out NMJ once, early post-Sunshot, and that's at a party. The fondest LXC seems of NMJ is one line during the Phoenix Mountain Hunt, when NMJ isn't even on-page. We do not see them spend any time privately together when JGY is not also there, and every time they interact publically JGY is also present at the party or gathering. When we do see them interact, the only time LXC responds verbally directly to NMJ is in defense of someone; if we include his indirect defense of WWX at the Flower Banquet, then that becomes 'the only time we see LXC respond verbally to NMJ at all.'

This is not of course to say that they don't have interactions we don't see. Given the time gaps, they must! But there's nothing about the interactions we *do* see to suggest that the ones we don't are in any way actually emotionally close, certainly not on LXC's part. Again, a contrast with his interactions with JGY is instructive; as with NMJ, we certainly don't see all of their interactions, but what we do see signals their closeness, mutual respect, and tendency to spend time together.

PT II: NMJ dead

Okay, you say, but wait! What about the depth of his renewed grief after he finds NMJ's body!! What about his deep personal betrayal about JGY killing his close friend!!!

Yes, I say, wild-eyed, having tried to find anything in the text for just that. what /about/ all that.

My problem is, how do I prove a negative? In the chapters with NMJ alive, LXC's presence and his interactions with NMJ are short enough that I could reasonably if lengthily discuss and summarize; that's just not going to work here (there are twelve and a half temple chapters!), not least because some of it is a matter of context or interpretation. So I'm doing two things. First, where we do see him actively upset, I'm going to show you what he seems upset about, and second, I'm going to point out places where we might expect him to react if he's feeling a deep personal grief about NMJ specifically, and instead he does not, or reacts differently.

Let's start with chapter 46, where LXC sees NMJ's moving corpse for the first time. I've seen the idea around that LXC recognized NMJ by his abs, but this doesn't really seem to be the case; it's either the shape of his (headless) body or his saber-fighting movements. Significantly, LWJ also recognizes it at the exact same time: "As they saw the headless shadow, both [LXC and LWJ] paused shortly." LXC's reaction to this recognition is extreme surprise, "almost to the point of shocked," and he takes a bit to resume playing Liebing, joining LWJ on the guqin (to deal with the headless corpse that's going around). 'Shock' is hardly incompatible with immense personal grief, but I will note that in this section he is also not described as anything other than shocked, although it is his first time seeing NMJ's body in ten years.

In a few paragraphs they deal with the corpse, attacking its energy enough that it falls back into pieces. As WWX seals the pieces back into his qiankun pouch, LXC asks him to wait: he wants to look at the corpse first, and he's described as having an "ashen" complexion. In context, though, both of these things seem to me to be about the likely identity of NMJ's killer, rather than NMJ himself; when LXC says he want to look at the corpse, WWX asks him if he recognizes the corpse, but it's not LXC who replies: "Before Lan XiChen could reply, Lan WangJi already nodded slowly." Moreover, as WWX points out, LWJ has already given LXC all the evidence that points at JGY as the killer—and also, after they do start talking about the identity of the killer, LXC shows no further interest in the corpse. This, from WWX, seems to me to sum up LXC's emotional conflict in this conversation: "Sect Leader Lan, you know who is the most suspicious person. You’re just refusing to admit it." It's not about NMJ being the corpse per se; it's what NMJ being the corpse suggests JGY did. ETA: I look at this scene in more detail here.

(I'll also note that the very first time we see LXC have anything to do with NMJ's corpse, it's in chapter 11, in the context of LWJ asking if LXC is visiting JGY "again" and a paragraph on JGY from WWX which includes the revelation that he and LXC are sworn brothers on the one hand, and LXC talking about LWJ being in good spirits and bringing guests home on the other. Meanwhile, NMJ's arm: 'Lan XiChen spoke, “Uncle has taken and examined what you brought back from Mo Village.”'

Now obviously we can't infer LXC's feelings about NMJ from this directly, given that he doesn't know it's NMJ's arm at the time, but it's certainly textually suggestive, and it very much fits in with a pattern of LXC prioritizing JGY and LWJ.)

That's most of the end of chapter 46; the next chapter has LXC, LWJ, and WWX going to the discussion conference at Carp Tower. Again, it's kind of hard to prove a negative, and LXC's reactions aren't really described at great length (though he does of course greet JGY with a smile); the only thing that seems unusual is that he seems "absent-minded."

Chapters 48 and 49, and part of 50, are the Empathy chapters. After WWX escapes from the flashback and returns to LWJ, he and LWJ start causing a ruckus trying to get into JGY's bedchamber (to get to his secret room). An audience is attracted, including LXC. Taking a cue from LWJ, he pressures his way into the treasure room; he seems relieved when NMJ's head isn't behind the curtain WWX lifts. He has—well, he certainly has a few emotional reactions, but at no point does he seem driven by grief over NMJ instead of uncertainty about JGY. At one point he "nod[s] heavily" to confirm to NHS that he's talking about NMJ. Or consider this exchange:

Jin GuangYao’s eyes still held tears, but appeared as if they were red with anger. He clenched his hands into fists and shouted with both grief and resentment, “Dismembered… Dismembered! Who in this world could’ve done such an insane act?!”

Lan XiChen shook his head, “I do not know. When we were searching for the head, the clues disappeared.”

Now obviously JGY is acting—but he's acting the role of someone who /is/ personally mourning NMJ, and he's showing more anger than LXC ever does about it. Now—to be fair, MDZS LXC gets angry even less than CQL LXC, who is hardly an angry person. But there are a few times we do see him angry—certain moments confronting JGY in the temple, in the temple courtyard when he's angry at WWX for how he's treated LWJ—and what happens to NMJ's body, never mind the fact of the death itself, doesn't seem to make the list.

In chapter 63, WWX wakes up in CR, having been recovering for four days. In this chapter and the next two, LXC becomes increasingly distressed as they discover the Song of Turmoil and the evidence seems to weigh against Jin Guangyao, enough that it's not really feasible to review every instance of it. Nevertheless, there are a couple of parts I think it's worth looking at directly.

In chapter 64, we get something extremely valuable: LXC's statement of his own emotional quandary.

Lan XiChen supported his head on his hand. His voice was low, as though he was trying to hold something back, “WangJi, the version of Jin GuangYao that I know is entirely different compared to the version that you know and the version that the world knows! Throughout all these years, in my eyes, he has always been… enduring his suffer, caring for all people, treating everyone with respect. I have always believed, without a doubt, that the criticism he received from others all came from misunderstandings, that what I knew how he truly is. Now, you want me to believe, at once, that everything about this person is fake, that he planned to kill one of his sworn brothers, that I was also a part of his plan and even helped him… Could you please allow me some more discretion before I make my own judgement?”

So, what is he distressed by here? It's quite clearly the idea that he /doesn't/ know JGY, that the JGY he knows is fake, a falsehood, and relatedly that their relationship is not as he understands it ("that I was also a part of his plan and even helped him"). JGY killing NMJ is obviously what inspires this crisis, but it's not at all what's centered in his speech here, and even the half-sentence mention that it gets doesn't frame it at all in terms of NMJ's relationship to LXC. "He planned to kill one of his sworn brothers," he says, not "our sworn brother" or "my sworn brother" or even "my friend."

(The paragraph immediately following reads to me more like WWX's conclusions than narrative certainty, but either way, it's not about his personal relationship with NMJ: "Lan XiChen had taught Jin GuangYao the Song of Clarity, keeping in mind the grudge between Jin GuangYao and Nie MingJue, hoping that they could be how they used to be. He requested Jin GuangYao to help calm Nie MingJue in place of him. Who would’ve known that his kindness made possible Jin GuangYao’s cruelty? How should he face himself now?")

Later in the chapter, there's the famous section where he tells WWX about his and LWJ's parents' story. I do think part of this is about telling WWX something about LWJ (although not that LWJ has feelings for him, which MDZS LXC thinks he already knows), but it's also pretty transparently about his own uncertainty re: JGY.

He paused before speaking again, “Young Master Wei, can you understand why he did such a thing?”

Lan XiChen, “Do you think that this was right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

Lan XiChen looked somewhat lost, “Then, what do you think would be right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

A while later, [Lan Xichen speaks again, in a whisper]

He spoke, “Madam Lan must’ve been a very gentle woman.”

Lan XiChen, “In my memories, Mother had indeed been so. I do not know why she did such a thing back then. And, in truth, I…”

He took in a deep breath before confessing, “Do not want to know either.”

It's not what you might call subtle.

But it's also worth noting, I think, exactly what LXC focuses on telling the story. It was one of his father's teachers that his mother killed—and while that is absolutely a very important position, and obviously would have mattered and indeed did matter to QHJ a great deal—that's literally all the information we get about him, that he was QHJ's teacher. He lingers on why QHJ did what he did, and whether it was the right thing; he talks about the crime his mother committed, and his response to that. He does not focus at all on the teacher, the clear NMJ-analogue in this scenario. He's not QHJ's beloved teacher, or his favourite teacher, or anything like that—he's not even just "his teacher," he's "one of his teachers." And maybe that's all the information he has about him, but he doesn't linger on that question either! Again, there's nothing here to suggest that his conflict is about his personal connection with NMJ.

ETA: I actually missed something here. Thanks to some critique in the notes (and which I discuss more extensively in the post linked at the bottom of the page), I looked at the Chinese here, and the word LXC uses for teacher is 恩师, which Pleco gives me as “mentor; one’s kind and respected master (or teacher).” So on the one hand, that's not nothing. On the other hand, the point remains that it's only one word, LXC isn't adding lots of adjectives on to describe the teacher, and as I mentioned in the previous paragraph, simply doesn't linger on the teacher in his conversation with WWX; the focus is elsewhere. I think the point as a whole stands.

Now to the temple chapters. I think it's fairly well-known, at this point, that he doesn't bring up NMJ to JGY in the temple chapters, but I'm going to point it out again—he doesn't bring up NMJ to JGY in the temple chapters! And this is, I feel, even more significant in MDZS, where he's seen NMJ's fierce corpse. That said, there are a few instances where he reacts to NMJ/NMJ's corpse; I'm going to look at all of them.

First of all, in ch 104 when WWX says "Looks like being called the son of a prostitute is really Sect Leader Jin’s weak spot. No wonder you killed ChiFeng-Zun," we're told that "With the mention of Nie MingJue, Lan XiChen’s expression changed." No further details are provided; we don't know what it changes into, and the only hint we have as to what it changes /from/ is that LXC's last described reaction, only two paragraphs previous, was calling "Sect Leader Jin" because he knew JGY was about to fuck with JC. Also interestingly, LXC does /not/ have any reaction described when JGY and JC have the "isn't it hard being your shixiong/isn't it even harder being your sworn brother" exchange, earlier in chapter 101. Perhaps his reaction is simply not noted by the text—it seems unlikely he has literally zero reaction to it—but if we're looking for a difference, it seems like it's either the explicit reference to killing NMJ, or the reminder of NMJ calling JGY the son of a prostitute.

Second, there's the moment NMJ('s fierce corpse) shows up (ch 106). He, JGY, and NHS all say "Brother." JGY and LXC's responses are one paragraph after the other, and the punctuation is the same: "… Brother."* Meanwhile, NHS reacts first, a few paragraphs earlier, and he cries out, "Brother!!!" We're told that "[their] three tones were drastically different," which is interesting as well. NHS seems in the grip of some strong, active emotion—excitement? grief? We're explicitly told that JGY is scared. Whatever LXC's tone is, it's hard to say—but it's not like NHS'.

*(In the original text it looks like LXC's is "…Brother." and JGY's is "…Brother...", but either way they're significantly more similar to each other's than either is to NHS'.)

Thirdly and finally, when the Jin cultivators are fighting NMJ's corpse (ch 107), NHS peers out from behind LXC's back and calls out to NMJ ("both frightened and eager"), leading NMJ to charge at them. LXC stops him by playing Liebing, then then tries to get him to recognize identifying NHS ("Brother, this is Huaisang!"); the latter unfortunately does not work, NMJ being totally overcome by resentful energy. This section does actually have some evidence of grief: when he plays Liebing, it's described as "with a sob of Liebing."

He'll continue to try and deal with NMJ's corpse, notably with LWJ and WWX, but those three moments are the only times he reacts to NMJ (as NMJ, as opposed to as a fierce corpse that needs to be dealt with). That's not a lot, and each moment is very brief, not to mention fairly ambiguous about LXC's emotional reaction. If he /was/ being driven by his grief for NMJ's death, you would think we'd see more of it.

Furthermore, there's one moment I think it's important to pull out as explicitly not about NMJ. LXC tells JGY (and had told him previously) not to call LXC er-ge, /not/ because he killed da-ge (which you might expect!) but because of the second siege: “Sect Leader Jin, I have already said, when you went your own way to scheme such havoc at Burial Mound, that there was no longer the need to call me ‘Brother.’”

Now, to be clear, it's not that LXC's reactions to things just aren't described in the temple sequence in general. Obviously we see him react when he's telling LWJ about WWX's feelings, but even beyond that, even when he's occupying a more background role in the narrative, we're given his reaction quite a few times. He sighs when LWJ seals his spiritual powers (ch 100); he tends to NHS, covering with his outer robe (ch 102), comforting him when he's disturbed at the sight of the coffin (ch 103), protecting him from SMS (after NHS frames him for stabbing him, ch. 107) and from NMJ (ch 107), and comforting him and giving him pain medicine about the wound in his leg (ch 108); along with LWJ, he's distressed by the sound of JC's sword-scraping technique against JGY's music (ch 101); he tries to warn JC a couple of times when JC is fighting JGY (ch 101), cautions JL (ch 101) and later JC (ch 102) about worsening JC's injuries, and along with JL, WWX, and LWJ freezes when JC slaps JL to the ground (ch 102); he asks Minshan why he's being rude to LWJ, and a little later, with SMS and JL, pauses in astonishment when LWJ laughs (ch 100); he averts his gaze from and seems perhaps embarassed by the ghosts that WWX summons (ch 104); he calls out to WWX to remind him that his current body is closely related to JGY, and will therefore attract NMJ's fierce corpse (ch 107). He actually has a couple of entertaining reactions to Wangxian being Wangxian: he coughs and tells WWX it is maybe not the best time and place for this when WWX is about to repeat "I really wanted to sleep with you," and then later he and Jin Ling inexplicably! move their sitting cushions far away from Wangxian's and gaze into the distance (ch 100).

And more than anything else—in what I think is a very instructive contrast—he reacts to JGY, in a way that reflects an ongoing continual emotional investment. He is, quite notably, consistently worried about JGY and unable to stand the sight of him in pain, even when he thinks he shouldn't be. When the coffin trap goes off, and they overhear Jin cultivators wailing and a pungent smoke emerges, there's worry in LXC's eyes; after JGY and Minshan make it out, and JGY takes some medicine against the poison, LXC hesitates for a moment and then asks what happened (ch 103). After LWJ cuts JGY's hand off—which means /after/ he's taken JL hostage, note—LXC "seemed as though he wanted to help him for an instant," though "in the end he dared not" (ch 106). When Minshan asks him for medicine for JGY, seeing how terrible JGY looks, he hesitates slightly before they're interrupted by NMJ's success fighting the Jin cultivators (ch 107). After they've defeated NMJ, he treats JGY's wrist; moreover, "Seeing that Jin GuangYao almost passed out from the pain, Lan XiChen, who in the beginning wanted to use this to punish him, still didn’t have the heart to bear it," and goes for the pain-relief medicine from NHS. And this is all not even accounting for his reactions to JGY either during his questioning of JGY or post-stabbing!

And what about when he's distressed by JGY? When he's reacting with upset or anger? There seem to be two consistent threads: first, that JGY did awful things/hurt people /not/ under constraint, and second, the idea that he doesn't know JGY after all and their relationship was a lie.

For the first, he calls out Sect Leader Jin when JGY starts in on JC after JC calls him the son of a prostitute (ch 104), although notably he does not do the same in their earlier confrontation when JGY is distracting JC in order to defeat him, only warning JC (ch 101); when JGY confesses to having burned down the brothel, he's distressed when JGY says that it wasn't entirely to remove the traces (ch 105); he becomes /less/ angry about the second siege and about QS when it turns out that he was operating under constraint in those conditions (ch 106); and of course, the thing he's angriest about is JGY killing his father, "and even in such a way" (ch 106). In ch 103, looking down at the coffin he is shocked that JGY buried something that caused such horror to its surroundings, but without further information about JGY's reasons this does not metamorphose into anger.

For the second, when WWX him asks why there's no light shining from Shuoyue, he tells him "It's quite a shame," and that he "was fooled by lies" and had his cultivation sealed (ch 99); when JGY assures him that he'll let him and NHS go without harm when the time comes, he asks if he should believe him (ch 100); when JGY asks if LXC isn't going to ask him /why/ he set the fire (since it wasn't entirely to erace the traces), we have this important excerpt (ch 105):

“In the past, it was not that I did not know what you did, but that I believed you had your reasons behind doing them.”

He continued, “But, you have done too much. And I… no longer know if I should believe you.”

Fatigue and disappointment sunk heavily into his tone.

And then after JGY takes JL hostage (ch 106), this one:

Lan XiChen spoke slowly, “Sect Leader Jin, you lied again.”

Jin GuangYao, “Just this once. There’ll be no next time.”

Lan XiChen, “This was what you said last time. I can no longer tell which of your words are true.”

LXC asks him about the letter in the first place because "whenever he heard there might be hiddenmight hidden reasons, he just had to hear it" (ch 105); when WWX challenges him before he tends to JGY's wounds, he says "Many things still remain unanswered" (ch 108).

His upset at JGY "attacking" him is in ch 108, I think, a combination of the two—in CQL, it reads more like he's angry that JGY took an action that made him need to attack JGY than anything else, but in MDZS he experiences it as a real betrayal: "As he saw Nie HuaiSang’s expression along with the warning, he felt something in his heart go cold." Because it would have been one; it's a line that JGY hasn't crossed, and as it turns out it's a line that JGY hadn't crossed, and would never.

And lastly, after JGY's death, we have once again LXC's explicit statement of his difficulties—and while LXC's post-stabbing difficulties could be different from his pre-stabbing ones, it's at least an important consideration, and it is in line with the rest of what we see:

“… Just what does he want to do? I once thought I knew him well, and then I realized I did not. Before tonight, I thought I knew him well once more, but now I do not.” Nobody could give him an answer. Lan XiChen repeated in frustration, “Just what does he want to do?”

Looking over the evidence, he's hurt and angry that JGY would do awful things not under constraint, and about the idea that he doesn't know JGY after all/their relationship is a lie. I do think it's unlikely that he's zero percent upset about JGY contributing to NMJ's death—I tend to think they talked about if offscreen, between LXC leaving with him from Gusu and WWX finding them in the temple, and that's why LXC doesn't bring him up in the temple sequence. But whatever he's feeling, his reactions to JGY don't seem to be about his own personal grief for or relationship with NMJ, and if they /had/ been about that I think there's several moments in the temple that would have played out differently.

One last note: I see often the idea that LXC going into seclusion after JGY's death is for his grief about /both/ his sworn brothers. At this point, you're probably unsurprised to learn that I don't think the evidence supports this. Not only, again, do we have very little evidence of his personal grief for NMJ post-timeskip—ten years past NMJ's death!—even after NMJ shows up again, but there's a distinct change in him after JGY dies. Before that, he's obviously distressed, but he's still tracking and on top of things; afterwards, on the other hand, we're told that "If it were the usual ZeWu-Jun, he couldn’t have failed to fathom [what WWX was suggesting the letter be intended to cause]. But right now, it was likely he had no more space in his mind to think" (ch 109), which tracks pretty well with his absent-mindedness at the banquet a few months down the line (ch 116). Nothing about LWJ's discussion with WWX of LXC's state suggests it's at all precedented (ch 115), and in fact when LQR talks to him immediately after JGY dies, we're told that "Lan XiChen’s face was full of an unspeakable grief" and that "Lan QiRen had never seen Lan XiChen, a child he single-handedly brought up, look so agitated and discomposed" (ch 110). JGY's death is a breaking point; NMJ's death, at the time or now, simply is not.

In conclusion, while he was certainly friends with NMJ pre-Sunshot, and that is genuinely rare for LXC, they began to grow apart during Sunshot; and while LXC continued to care for NMJ, he was not at all intimate with him, and showed no sign of particularly enjoying or seeking out his company. Later, while he is certainly disturbed at the idea that JGY might have killed NMJ, this is because it suggests that he /doesn't/ know JGY after all, and his reactions to JGY then and at the temple are not driven by his personal grief for or relationship with NMJ, nor is his seclusion in any way related to his feelings for NMJ.

ETA: All quotes taken from the Exiled Rebels translation.

ETA: I discuss some critique of this by @/hqfeels here.

#ship negativity cw #ship meme #I'm done!!!#good fucking god this took me a month #that damn bingo post #long meta #profound philosophical differences #anger burned in his heart #the best of men #a gentle warmth filling the deepest of needs

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