#have been awake for too long I think

[ollys-useless-rambles]

I am going absolutely insane !!

#I’m sick #and I miss my partner #and the wifi keeps going out #and the puppies are evil #and my cats also evil #and i dont have any meds #and my rooms a mess #and I feel gross #and the house is too warm #and I can’t find a n y of my four favorite stuffed animals #what is even the point #I #have been awake for too long I think #but I can’t sleep !! #so I’m just stuck ig

[paranorahjones]

i think women in media need to start describing the men they're in love with as "beautiful" more often. like way more often. i'm not kidding. it's not a gendered word. there's no way that society is going to give up the idea that it is anytime soon, but wow i want to tell men that they're beautiful. i think it would be good for society to see that on the tv.

#yeah this post was inspired by a scene from chuck #SUE ME #THAT MAN IS BEAUTIFUL IN LIKE SO MANY SENSES OF THE WORD #but anyways the general statement is still true #i actually remember arguing with a friend about this years ago #it makes me wonder about the differences in how i see men i love vs. how the average woman sees men she loves #i see the face of a man i love and i want to write poetry about it #i HAVE written poetry about that concept #men are beautiful and i think they would benefit from hearing that #anyways i love men #chuck bartowski most of all #i mean what #i've been awake for too long

[seventh-fantasy]

江湖风波恶 楼里莲花清 (the outside world of jianghu is perilous and it is pure as the lotus within this tower)

lotus tower is his body

(never beating the i'm thinking about lhl with reference to nezha 1979 allegations)

anyway.

#i just wanted to have llh in the nezha rebirth lotus dance pose #bc. clearly i've been thinking about Things #(and mark u know i am tagging u in any lhl/nezha content) #sorry i literally only have unpolished doodles </3 #if i was a Serious Artist i would have also drawn more poses but unfortunately i'm not </3 #江湖风波恶 楼里莲花清 is subbed as 'i prefer solitude to venturing into the perilous world' #which gets the meaning across but. is totally different in expression #this tl i did is NOT meant to be accurate. nor is it polished. but should be smth closer to the og line #莲花楼 #mysterious lotus casebook #lhl #rin doodles #my posts #i might have been awake for too long today i have never drawn this much lhl #its like almost 2am now I might wake up wanting to delete this lol #i drew these on my phone...

[httpiastri]

Good morning babe 🥰🥰🥰

(I’ll take no responsibility of how you’ll react to this pic… I’m staring at his neck for days now and decided today is a great day to share it with you 🤭)

(The way I’m obsessed with his neck is insane, you’d thought I’m a vampire in disguise based on how much I want to bite and suck on that thick neck 😭 leaving marks behind, kissing & licking them better 🫠🫠🫠🫠)

(My horny ass can’t be stopped if it’s about him)

(when I say Silvo was my fav weekend, this is one of the reasons 😩 - and his amazing performance ofc.)

(His hair is sooo long here too I want to run my fingers through it, grabbing it gently also to move his head aside to have more access to attack his neck 🫠🫠🫠)

Okay I’m done, I’ve said what I said 🫣 sorry not sorry

ohooooooo noooo… this………………… this has made me feel so many things…….. i feel unwell

#what the frickkkkk #oscaaaaaar #this is just #w o w #the adams apple #just insane #I think you should take full responsibility of how i gasped out loud in class 😶 #i was so so tired this morning (miiiiight have stayed up very late to watch paul arom videos…..) but this made me fully awake #im now very #AAAAAAAA #haven’t been able to stop thinking about this #i too feel like a vampire #the hair is crazy too #I love this tons tons tons #thank you for sending it to me #(also bestie !!! do ur dms work now??) #(this is not in any way meant to tell you to answer me bcs i take too long to answer lmao i just wanted to know bcs i said something in my #last message) #okay bye <33 #asks! #formulola! #twinkodium! #osc hands osc neck osc arms

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Not to continue my recent trend of oversharing on tumblr dot com, but I am very much struggling not to feel like I'm doing everything in my entire life wrong at present

#normal things to think after your doctor tells you you need to get a blood test re-taken bc you mistimed your dose #I'm just. I'm tired man. #I've been putting off a phone call for two months #i spend every day lately torn between do I need to go to hospital or am I just unfit and anxious #I rot and decay when left alone but also people are Too Much #I want to Create but I can't get started and when I do I'm just so disappointed with whatever I make #I'm exhausted but I'm awake at 4am bc if i go to sleep tomorrow will start and I'll have to do this all again #and I need so fucking badly for someone to just crush me so hard in a really long hug until my bones realign #and i need to find past me shake her by the shoulders and yell “you're fine! you'll be fine! cut your hair! eat your greens! #take up swimming and also some new pronouns! no one else will respect em but they're for YOU and so is the health stuff #please for the love of fucking god just look after yourself better than i did!“ #there's toooooo many fuckin holes in this sinking ship #I need a full body MOT and then to be cradled against the chest of a large gentle man for 12-36 hours #mr. bees speaks

[roboobin]

i love being aromantic because it lets me love everyone with my whole heart instead of reserving space for a partner

#roboobin #i have been awake for too long im getting mushy and dumb #but i think about love a lot #not in a romantic way #but i am very love motivated #i say I love you too easily and that's kinda sad I suppose because then people don't know how much i mean jt!! i mean it every time #aromantic #aroace #aromantism

[ottisbuns]

My favorite ship dynamic is two boats

and they're having sex

#I think I have been awake just a little bit too long

[tolerateit]

#meg talks #I have been awake for too long I think #Polls

[pepprs]

i literally need there to stop being situations circumstances events developments complications and happenstances. for the fucking love of god

#purrs #but there will never stop being any of those things so actually what i literally need is to learn HARD AND FAST how to stop getting so #fucking triggered over a situation i know is NOTHING so bad that im anxious for the entire rest of the day and can’t even get any work done. #like (jade from tesco voice) girls… im not gonna lie to you. i think therapy is not working. i think i am not mentally or emotionally strong #enough to work in this job and i think i am never going to get mentally or emotionally stronger. ive been stuck in the quicksand too long #and now im atrophying. i cannot develop the situational awareness and motor skills or awakeness (and i mean AWAKEness.) to safely and #consistently drive a car. i cannot develop the intellect and drive and courage to get an advanced degree or be in a leadership position that #everyone actually sees as a leadership position lmfao. and i cannot develop the emotional intelligence and inner peace to not get triggered #out of my fucking mind at work to the point where im having anxiety heart palpitations and fighting back tears. i am just stuck as i am #forever. and you know how i know that? BECAUSE IVE WORKED AT THE NATIONALLY RENOWNED CENTER FOR YOU-ARE-NOT-STUCK-AS-YOU-ARE-FOREVER FOR #FIVE FUCKING YEARS SINCE ITS LITERAL FOUNDING AND HELPED TO FOUND IT AND IM STILL LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! i go back to square one EVERY #FUCKING DAY!!!!!!!! how am i supposed to tell other people who they are is what they bring and the world can change and whatever when i am #the fucking antithesis of that. when i don’t even believe my own words. like the way i want to punch out every window in this building rn i #HATE BEING LIKe this i hate being in the psychic prison of scared little girl mode all the time forever no matter what and being beyond help #and disappointing and burdening the people around me because i can’t be fucking normal about like. hierarchy and institutional politics LOL #delete later

[warrior-of-sunlight]

I just fucking love it when someone has dogs that are too strong for them and one of them is dog aggressive and not wearing a muzzle. Just love it. And don't get angry when I need to physically kick your dog away after it bit both me and my dog, be happy my almost 40 kilo dog listened to me and did not bite back. Fucking hell.

#good morning! #I didn't even have my coffee yet #Roef is too riled up for me to check him properly for bites #he looks tough but he's easily scared and he's pretty shaken #even after we walked off the tension somewhat by walking for an extra 30 minutes #there was some blood on my hand when I felt his leg but I can't see anything #will check again when he's calmed down #haven't seen any more blood so I think it's not that bad luckily #I have a bruise on my leg and a little superficial hole so it's not that bad #that dog wasn't there to make friends #I'm ashamed to say I kind of lost it #I yelled like a fishwife and cursed like a sailor #pretty sure everyone in my street is awake now #I do feel bad about kicking a dog though but I think the kick was nicer than having Roef actually getting angry and biting #I don't think I really hurt the dog that bad and he did back off long enough for his owner to fetch him so it is what it is #I could have been kinder to the lady because I'm sure she didn't want this either but I was so fucking pissed and just went off #maybe I'll have a talk with her once things have cooled down she only lives a block away so I know where to find her #liedeke talks #dogs #animals #roef #my pets #my dogs

[robotic-maid]

How things are going again… update I guess? Still can’t figure out how to read more on mobile. I’m just typing this out so it can leave my head.

#nights are really hard for me #mornings are also really hard for me #I think my jobs burning me out #and I haven’t been able to sleep very well much at all #I’ve only been getting 3-5 hours if I’m lucky because my nightmares are really bad so I usually just stay awake #I mean I have to get up at 4am anyway so what’s the point #do you know how it feels to be in pain but you can’t cry because your body’s grown so used to it? #so it feels like crying because it’s Wednesday again #which I can’t justify because tommorrow is Thursday and that is your new normal #your new normal is working so hard you don’t have the time to see your dog and your cars ac is out and you spend all your money on the room #you sleep in 15 minutes away from the office you are stuck at more than 11hoirs a day #you ask your job to adjust your schedule and they say they can’t without cutting your hours and you need the money to survive #it’s too much #but feeling this way or not feeling this way won’t make a difference because the only other options will make your living situation harder #I’m so tired but I don’t have any better options right now so I have to keep waking up and working #I feel horrible spending time with me friends because I get tired after an hour and I worry that I’ve become #too flaky or something #I can’t stay up late and I’m already stressed out so I just can’t keep up with everyone and I don’t want to be a drain #I wish my heart would just stop some times #my meds stop me from hurting myself or crying or sleeping too long but these feelings always come to me when I wake up #I’m disappointed I woke up again #I don’t want to keep doing this I don’t know how long I can keep going #my body is breaking down like my car is breaking down #I don’t want to keep doing this I need more than a day off work a week I want to see my dog I don’t want to be poor but I don’t want to #wake up just to spend all day in an office getting yelled at while my coworkers come in and leave before me #I know I can do this I know I need to keep doing this I know there’s nothing better for me than this #I shouldn’t say these horrible things out loud because they’ll just wear me down faster #there’s nothing that will help me I need to help myself #this is en endurance test and I need to keep it up because if I fail I will lose so much more than I have #I wish I could cry I wish I could break down and scream but what would be the point? it won’t help it won’t fix anything m

[plushievash]

im FREE !!!!!

#talks #took my math final and i feel confident abt it #i have been awake since 8:30pm last night i took that thang sleep deprived but i double tripled #n quadruple checked my work i think i did good #i feel like. i did good. #i did however embarrass myself bc. turning in my exam #i gave it to the professor and then stared at her a little too long bc i forgot what i was doing #spun around and then turned back towards her bc i realized she corrected the final homework #and we could collect it but it was. on the table behind me. that i spun around towards. #i think she can tell im fucking. zonked outta my gourd #i cant wait to get home and pass away on the couch

[lunar-fey]

:( i was so close to finally getting my sleep schedule fixed but for some reason my alarm didnt fucking go off so i slept a full 8 hours instead of taking a 3 hour nap. i was supposed to to to bed in like. 5 hours. not gonna happen now 😔

#this is genuinely upsetting ive been trying for a MONTH now to readjust things so im not sleeping #during the entirety of the day #bc i like have Important Shit To Do #but i simply cannot stay awake when the sun is out and i simply cannot sleep when it is dark. just end me #like genuinely about to cry. ive been needing to call the fucking office about my work program #bc they forgot to . im acruwllt too upset to words right now. but theh forgot to “something” and ive #been trying to call them for WEEKS #but no matter how many alarms i set my ass is UNCONSCIOUSS for all of their business hours. #im so fucking sick of it i was sleeping just fine at night just two months ago. #but i physically cannot stay awake for a full 16 hours #so i keep taking a nap when i mean to sleep - just sleeping like an hour and then being physically unable to sleep more #and then when i try to take a nap i just sleep for 6-8 hours no matter how many alarms i have set. #i THINK the problem is im able to turn off my alarm without waking up. #i have to solve a little puzzle to turn it off but that doesnt help :( #like it aint aeven entirelt about me bc i could sene thenoffice an email whenever. #but id prefer to do it during business hours cause i already sent one in the night and they never responded #but More Importantly #the animals keep not getting fed at all bc im asleep :(( #oh and Also my stomach is fucked #bc i wasnt expecting to sleep so long so i didnt eat beforehad..... now im so hingry i feel like im gonna hu #hurl*

[social-cocoon]

I will say I wish the finale had been a little longer. It felt like something was missing.

I also still dislike the change that Ellie didn't know who Marlene was from the start because I think it really hurt their relationship with each other and how the viewer sees it. Especially now that I'm looking at all these people shitting on Marlene (not like she doesn't deserve a lot of it for taking away Ellie's explicit consent to the procedure), I wish there was an extra scene with her showing the depth of her relationship to Ellie. Not the one with Abby's dad, I'd rather that stay for season two, but maybe like after she killed Anna she'd go back and take Ellie and hold her tight or something. Idk. It's easier to understand how much she cared in the game because you're able to pick up notes and voice recordings where she talks about these things, but obviously you can't do much of that in the show.

#right #It would be cool too if in the next season after the scene with Marlene and Abby's dad there's one where Marlene goes to talk to Ellie #and we get to actually see the conflict in her demeanor when she lies to Ellie. since Ellie was actually awake in the hospital this time #idk I like Marlene and I can appreciate the position she was in #and I hope people can eventually take a more nuanced approach to her and Joel's choices #Maybe I'll make a longer post about it tomorrow bc I have thoughts #Long story short I see where Marlene and Joel are coming from and understand it but don't think that either of them were ultimately #The only right choice would have been to let Ellie decide #The Last of Us #The Last of Us HBO

[allaganexarch]

godddd i'm so happy i finally managed to sleep thru the night LOL real toddler milestones over here

#i've been having trouble fixing my sleep schedule bc i literally couldn't stay asleep long enough LOL #like i'd just be wide awake after 2-3 hours and absolutely have to take a nap at some point during the day #i think i did still wake up way too early but i was able to go back to sleep which has been the issue #so let's hope i can keep myself from napping (at least like a 3+ hour nap LOL) and be golden #personal

[merry-the-cookie]

keep telling me more specific things about luke’s anatomy pls teresa i am listening

dghjGHDFBNDFHDFG i have found... my audience 🧍

listen i just- i. listen. im. i just. i just think that

i just think that hes neat you know (couldnt crop the second one cus the whole thing is just, so devastating fghjgfhgfj)

ive just, been in my feelings about like, the general aesthetics of the pelvic area on any body types (NOT THE GENITALS...i know this sounds weird gfhjGHFJDGDHFJ) and then i see this, and now im on the floor :) its very satisfying to draw

good shape.. i just rlly enjoy drawing that juncture between hip and thigh so these pics are a blessing honestly i just feel validated cus, like. well

also hes been working on these dorsal muscles, that's quite the V shape hes acquired gfhjfghfg with his super broad shoulders it kinda gives the illusion of a more narrow waist even tho hes fucking wide as all hell (which i tend to forget when i draw him and always have to correct at the last minute... sorry luke 😔) but yea with his long ass legs and high waisted pants... ngl he walked right into my drawing comfort zone lmfao i am pleased by this turn of events

hope im not coming off as creepy about this gfhjGHJDFGHDJ i just. im. 🧍 i have a lot of feelings... about bodies...

#ask #kaleidoscopeminds #meg #luke hemmings #SORRY IF ANY OF THAT SOUNDS. WEIRD DFGHJFDGDHFJ #i just. i 🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌 #he 🤌🤌🤌 #i have feelings not only about his hips but about ashtons hips as well (because of course i do lmfao) #i just have feelings about hips in general i think hips are underrated and under represented #in terms of variety especially #this is a tangent cus lukes hips are pretty uh. how do i put it #like. conforming to beauty standards idk i dont wanna undermine him he is very very very pretty and i think his bodys really cool #but my feelings about bodies and hips go beyond........ just this................... #i am now rambling. i mightve been awake for a little too long dgfhjGHJDFD sorry #long post #i just think bodies are so cool ykno. and lukes body is so cool