#so I’m just stuck ig

[yellobb]

I’ve skipped my ADHD meds two days in a row and it’s very obvious lmao.

I was reading a fic and watching a YouTube video at the same time on my phone while in the bathtub, then saw there was a link to art at the end of the fic. I clicked the link which brought me to Instagram, where I scrolled for three straight hours until the water was too cold to stand it. Then I got out and lied down, only to immediately get back up and pull my laptop out so I could try drawing something more stylized. I then opened my laptop, but didn’t unlock it so I could write this post. In the time that has taken, I no longer feel as motivated to draw and will probably give up before I even really start.

It is midnight. I move halfway across the country in less than two weeks. Ya girl has shit to do, but I can only sit in bed all day and then hyperfocus on things I don’t need to do at night.

#m rambles #adhd #rationing medication is fun and cool huh? #🙃🙃🙃 #I’m gonna run out of my adhd meds before I start work and I NEED them for work #so I’m just…. not taking them right now #which I know is very ill-advised but it’s all I can really do #nowhere that can actually prescribe me medication in the state I’m moving to has openings #and I move BEFORE I can get a refill in my current state #so I’m just stuck ig

[ollys-useless-rambles]

I am going absolutely insane !!

#I’m sick #and I miss my partner #and the wifi keeps going out #and the puppies are evil #and my cats also evil #and i dont have any meds #and my rooms a mess #and I feel gross #and the house is too warm #and I can’t find a n y of my four favorite stuffed animals #what is even the point #I #have been awake for too long I think #but I can’t sleep !! #so I’m just stuck ig

[lildoodlenoodle]

Not the spiderverse art book restarting the dying down Hobie age discourse. With the Japanese version implying he’s a ‘young boy’(I think that’s what it was either way either way) and the book saying ‘he’s much older than miles..’(smth like that either way either way) and it’s like seriously? Again? AGAIN?

The directors said it’s up to interpretation. And the only reason(w/ the exclusion of the people thinking he’s like 30 cause that’s weird and gross, re-examine some racial biases)that people are so adamant he is or isn’t a minor is because of shipping! Whether it’s with one of the spider teens or with OCs or justifying self shipping it’s weird! It’s weird that that’s the reason people are going nuts over this shit and dying on their respective hills. And let people have their HCs holyshit.

And to reiterate: it’s not proshipping/pedoshit if someone HCs Hobie as a teen and ships them with one of the spider teens. It’s not necessarily fetishization and is not pedoshit if people HC him as a young adult and do self ships or whatever else goes on there.

It’s fandom let people fuck around. Something doesn’t have to be justified as morally wrong for you not to like it. Stop trying to force your own Head Canons, key word HEAD as in the canon in your head, onto other people.

Sorry for the rant I just cannot believe it’s still going.

#I’ll say it again #head canons #as in the canon IN YOUR HEAD #ik part of the problem is people are new to fandom spaces/culture and don’t entirely understand HCs #sorry I’m getting so heated but this is like the stupidest shit to see people get stuck on as someone who has been here for awhile #like actually dealing with ACTUALLY problematic ships and this is what y’all think is problematic now??? ITS IN YOUR HEAD BESTIE #like the ghostpunk. punkflower. and chaipunk ships aren’t for me but I do love and appreciate the art! #never rlly been into self inserts either. idk just not my thing tbh #didn’t even rlly know what proshipping was till the Hobie brown stuff #y’all are KILLING ME #it’s funny but it’s also annoying to see it all over my feed #so now we all have to suffer #there isn’t even really a tag for me to filter it out #I’m gonna put some triggers just cause I was less eloquent than I could’ve been lol #tw pedophila mention #age discourse ig

[deus-ex-mona]

starting the year ✨wrong✨

#(this is about work ok. long rant in the tags bc auauauauauauauuauauauauauauauaaaaaaaa) #i’ve worked for just t h r e e (3!!!!) days this year and i think im already all burned out lmao #first i was stuck doing 2 workstations bc this freakin’ b o z o of a coworker decided to take the week off without prior notice #and *t h e n* the internal components of one of said workstations kicked the bucket and was only replaced today. sads. #rip to our wasted time and futile fixing efforts though. flashtag wetried #that’s not all t h o u g h i was told that i have to jump to the other work shift bc one of my coworkers is resigning #b u t the thing is. all of the other dudes in that shift are from [insert bordering country] and always speak in their nation’s language #so i won’t be able to communicate well with them for the most part ​esp s o bs #and if [insert country here] has a national holiday and a l l of them decide to take the day off.. #well. um. ahahahaha. im ✨screwed✨ #(but speaking of taking the day off… one of said guys on that shift has an approved leave for cny. which is funny bc he’s not even chinese) #(rips if the actual other chinese dude on that team has his leave request rejected bc of that guy lol. happy cny to him ig) #a n d also i was made to (sorta) teach these two new coworkers (of sorts) the workstation i’m at for the week #b u t the thing is. i do everything here by left (didn’t receive formal training either lmao sadge) #and i also couldn’t explain anything well in general bc it seems like my flow of thoughts can’t streamline itself ig #so i think i confused the poor guys more than anything. but like. why me??????? aaaauauaaaaaaaaaa #idk why one of them came back for more ‘education’ from me thoughhhhh #i’ve tried teaching ‘em stuff at another workstation before this and my feedback was ‘wait slow down you talk too fast’ s o o o o . #ig i’ll have to guide them though again in the morning though. sighs. this wasnt in my job description :( #speaking of job descriptions though… this h e l l a annoying guy no one likes who resigned a few months ago (to much rejoicing)… #is!!!!! coming!!!! back!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #w h y. like. w h y. why is he so attached to this company he l l o? why is our manager so attached to him helloooooooo????? why him??????? #our workloads literally t r i p l e when he’s around bc he’s just the way he is. auauauauauauauauaaaaaaaaaaaa #aaaaaaaaaaa i dont wanna work aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #science industry (derogatory) questionable laboratory conditions (derogatory) #felt cute; thought about retiring early idk

[janiedean]

will get to all your lovely replies asap but for now let me get down the mood with my usual

fuck but i really do hate this month and everything it represents or better the fact that each single year it gets just more miserable

#i’m sorry fuck i wish i liked christmas i do #but i haven’t felt anything close to enjoyment of the period since what was it right ten exact years #every single fucking one of them it just got MORE fucking depressing #we dont talk about covid times because god i wish i could delete them from my existence #two years ago it was just depressing af #last year for a miracle it was halfway okay and hey managed to spend one with the grandmother for once #except she died three months later and this one it will be….. meh but the rest of the month has been a total nervewreck already #but of course EVERYWHERE around you is like JOYOUS TIME EVERYONE IS HAPPY SEASON OF MAGIC #as it is i’mma have to do half of the presents in january ffs #ah right forgot today was the anniversary of the other grandmother dying #and the entire first week is anniversary of 2020 nervous wreck of doom so hey that’s all fine #yeah that happened no i had no plans to mention it good luck to me wanting to move over that specific instance ig #i just wanna stop feeling stuck in being miserable until december 26th arrives and i can hope to get my shit under control the year after #yeah sorry for the pity party i’m just not feeling great whatsoever add feeling totally useless to the list and here we are #i’mma just go catch up on replies now just god now i feel like crap bc the moment i opened the app i just vomited out negativity g r e a t #personal for ts #janie rants

[rain-isnt-a-real-boy]

Thoughts of today

It’s more snowy out today than it was yesterday and we had yesterday off. Why tf don’t we have at least get a late opening

I haven’t had a single thing to eat besides half a bagel my friend threw at me

Jesus Christ starting a new semester is so scary, my legs shake whenever I enter a new classroom

I’m not gonna be able to see my boyfriend at school everyday I’m gonna start crying

I made a btch mad in art class by not sitting next to her bcz she used to talk my ear off in last years art class

Like talk so much I almost failed the class bcz I couldn’t focus

That privileged wh0re needs to learn how to stfu

At least I still have my psychology class and a free period this year

#male thinpo #ug subliminal #yancore #yandere blog #🕯️as a 🪶 #breakcore #insanecore #pansexual #ug sub #I hate school now bcz I’m stuck with a bunch of idiots #and I don’t even have my boyfriend to keep me sane #my friend always has stuff to do #so ig I’m on my own now? #not pr0 just using the tags

[kirathegreatfoxandkingofeyeballs]

Have you ever been so inspired to make something, but lack the technical skill to make it, or for some reason or another have no way to externally express this like pent up need to make SOMETHING, and it feels like a gazillion thoughts running through your head and you get so restlessly frustrated because you NEED to make something, but for some reason or another, be it personal or technical, you just can’t? And then you end up giving yourself an anxiety attack and heart palpitations and it feels like you’re going to explode?

#i’m trying so hard to get back into drawing guys #but either i’m so uninspired that it feels impossible to even consider making something #or i’m inspired but i don’t trust myself to even be able to create what my brain wants to create in a remotely satisfactory way #i feel like i’m going crazy #and everyone has advice and it helps in concept #but in practice i just feel so fucking stuck #i just want to draw #and fucking enjoy it #for fucks sake #one of the few times i legit feel so frustrated with myself i’m lowkey feeling like #not great ig #to put it in a nice way #i wish drawing didn’t result in me wanting to destroy all my sketchbooks because i hate everything i make #and i’m too ashamed to even show it to anyone #fuck #i don’t normally vent on here #but i feel really alone today because all my friends are busy doing stuff #or they’re not the type of people i feel comfortable venting to #i just feel like i’m suffocating and i can’t make it stop #and i’m so afraid of losing my love of drawing because i’m so fucking stupid about this shit #ugh #kira vents

[dykeyuu]

i spent 7 hours studying for one subject today no problem and even had fun doing it + im trying to imagine what middle/high school would’ve been like if i’d been properly medicated

#imagine the academic weapon i could’ve been if anyone had noticed i needed help… #rly no point in dwelling on it but i’m just angry that my mother never noticed #i’d been struggling with turning things in on time due to executive dysfunction pretty much forever #like i can remember it happening in third grade #and none of my teachers or anyone ever thought there might be a problem bc i guess i was compensating too well #that’s what i get for being a highly intelligent girl with adhd instead of a boy that acts out in class ig🙄 #i just wish i’d had someone advocating for me #like my mom advocated for me to be put into higher level classes #but when i nearly failed 3 virtual math classes in a row in middle school bc i wasn’t doing any assignments but still acing tests #she just told me i had to do all the assignments and gave me an incentive to do it #instead of ever asking me WHY i wasn’t doing assignments #it wasn’t because i didn’t want to it was because i was literally incapable #and there’s a million other examples exactly like that scattered all throughout the parts of my childhood i still remember #wish it didn’t take me so long to realize i have to advocate for myself #using tumblr as a journal where there are people stuck in here forced to listen to me talk about my mom

[perfect-snaccccccc]

how much of this year am I going to spend on a spare mattress?

#I miss bed #bed is so friend shaped #also where am I going to get money #gonna be a tough year #sorry ig this is a bit of a vent post #just would like to stay in one place for a couple months #I miss my uni room #want to populate a space with my things again #but in a nice way #not a this is temporary so can just leave stuff everywhere kinda way #more a this is my space time to look after it way #I just wanna get up and have a shower #but I’m stuck on the person I’m staying withs schedule #gonna lose half the day #oisin being confused #vent post #gonna need a bigger sorry jar

[szczylpierdolony]

regretting getting festival ticket. but i know i would also regret not getting it

#for different reasons #ig this is how i feel about every decision i’ve made recently #thinking about it makes me sick i’m so stressed out why did i agree to go #i need to kill myself but i can’t do that without a trigger and my dad hasn’t been shitty for a week or two #i’m just. the most unhappy i’ve been in months and there is nothing waiting for me that will make it better #i should’ve started taking meds again but i didn’t and now the prescription has expired #well. not now it’s been like 2 months #idk why maybe bc i don’t think they’d change anything maybe bc my family was weird about them #but the last time i brought this up with my mom she got angry at me for trying to blame her #like yeah shit sorry hearing you complain abt me taking medication affected the way i look at it #bc now she’s all for it but i don’t think i believe her #it’s always 'what do they even do they won’t fix you' bc i guess it never crossed her mind they aren’t meant to cure anything #but rather help manage everyday life #whatever i’ve been having trouble with sleep again too #i’m just so so fucking tired all the time and when i get home all i can do is lay down #and i fall asleep but it’s shallow and i’m just stuck barely conscious having dreams which i hate #i need to look if i can return the ticket

[who-is-chloe]

was anyone else very alarmed at the big ass ayers headstone max saw when she was running from vecna? cause ayers is just one letter off from byers. i had seen ppl worrying that will would die before the season came out and i didn’t think it was likely and now… idk how i feel. i still don’t think it’s likely, per se, but now i can’t say that i don’t think it’s a possibility. cause they choose these details so carefully. they could’ve put any name. why choose one so close to byers? i really don’t think will is gonna die but it does make me wonder what’s planned for him and if death is actually a possibility…

#considering not even posting this cause in case anyone even sees this i dont wanna put thoughts in their head #but idk it just stuck out to me i couldn’t forget it or not notice it or anything #st4 #st4 spoilers #stranger things #stranger things 4 #idk i’m posting it ig #they better not pull this not just bc i hate byg w a burning passion but also bc i love will w a burning passion so don’t fucking do this #the ayers thing better be either a coincidence or a reference to will getting vecnaed (but not to death like in the same way as max) #don’t wanna be negative or anything so sorry for this kinda just wanted to get the thought out of my head #i feel weird even thinking this especially since vol 1 made me a lot more confident in byler endgame actually #but uh yeah that’s all i’ve gotta say for now ig

[awek-s-archived]

I feel like I’m giving off high school weird kid vibes again but with my downstairs neighbours like we are separated by decades and they’re generally nice to my face but they like. stare a little too long in a way that’s a little too uncomfortable and the tension is a little too awkward and it makes me feel a little like the neighbourhood weirdo ajdjsjdj

#it doesn’t help that I’m the only person who is my age in like. this entire town #and I’m not joking at all there are people who are high school age and there are people who are 40+ and there is genuinely no in between #so I cannot connect with anyone and if I’m honest I don’t particularly want to either bc this town is my worst conservative nightmare #but yknow since I’m stuck here for the foreseeable I’m trying realllly hard to at least make conversation and Integrate but ig I just don’t #pass the vibe check lmaodnsndn #aweks.txt

[deus-ex-mona]

when the yuutsu of the getsuyoubi gets too out of hand yk—

#i wanna complain about my monday so hi tags you’re my rant victims now— #so like i was already super crabby this morning after sleeping through 2 alarms. which was the perfect start to the monday really. #i ended up leaving the house late (as you do) and when i finally got onto the train that’d take me to my workplace… there weren’t any seats #standing for an hour-long journey across the country when you wanted to nap along said journey is unwarrantedly angering y k ಠ‿ಠ #and when i finally reached my stop… the bus that i had to take to my workplace was right there at the bus stop. i could make it if i ran!!!! #so i ran… but there were these two ladies walking at a snails pace down the stairs leading to the bus stop. ಠ‿ಠ #so ofc i missed the bus by a single second. like，the bus pulled off from the stop the moment i ran up to it. not. fun. #so i was a little late to work (still within the grace period though which was cool ig) #then i was told that i’d be stationed at the worst workstation and i!!!! aaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! #the freakin’ calibration check thing kept failing by 0.20!!!!!!!! it was soooo closeee but nooooo it just had to fail. #thankfully my coworker helped me with part of the workstation while i suffered. nice dude. #i kept (almost) falling asleep in front of the computer while waiting for the checks and stuff though. but i couldn’t actually sleep so :( #it’s too early in the week for this nonsense </3 i hate it here </333 #and then i found out that ✨drama✨ happened at work on saturday… but i was completely unaware of it bc i’m oblivious af. truly saddening #i could’ve witnessed greatness— but noooo i just had to loop my music at full blast instead #anyways the workday passed exhaustingly. i gained my energy in the afternoon though. which was dumb bc it meant my morning was unproductive #and ofc when i was about to clock out… i got a scam call while i was in the workplace bathroom. how auspicious #and thanks to the few minutes that i wasted on that bs i missed the earlier bus out of the workplace. yay #and ofcccccc when i finally got a seat on my commute back… i’m stuck between 2 manspreaders. the temptation to kick their legs is real ngl #literally hate it here </3 i should’ve called in sick today #i just hope that i won’t have to teach the interns anything tomorrow… fingers crossed mans #i’m just. sooooooo tired. and done with this. why can’t sunday come sooner </3 #inedible blubbering

[antibayern]

me when i overhear a man’s rancid football take and there’s nothing i can do to shut him up because literally the only thing i know about said man is that he’s tasteless

#storytime: #so there are these foreign language tests that i was supposed to do at this institute in my faculty but refused to #because i found out that they make the same tests in another faculty (accounting and administration) #and that the people in charge there are way less annoying than the people in charge in my faculty (they are!!!) #but i failed to consider that the faculty of engineering is right next to it which means annoying engineers usually hang out there #i just................ forgot how fucking annoying engineering students are #if you look up mansplaining in the dictionary an engineer student will likely show up #anyway i’m stuck here (alone) for the next 5 hours which means i’ll use the university network to watch the boyloser vs guyfailure match ig #+ SCREAM as i was typing this f1 came up and the guy in question said ‘‘idk man leclerc can still get there. i believe in him’’ and like?!? #he’s forgiven for his bad take

[esrah-rah-rasputin]

Throwback to that time I made a post on a side blog about how feminine men are lovable and attractive as people and worth being friends and partners with, and then gushed about my best friend for an entire (long) paragraph. Only for someone to comment later and start projecting their own issues and asking whether my friend is cis or not, because obviously cis men can be feminine and don’t experience oppression for that at all

Like dude… Maybe you missed the point, but 1) this was about all feminine men, not specifically/only my friend, 2) transphobia sucks, and the double standards in your family suck, I get it, but again this was not the point and that is not the argument you think it is, because, 3) just maybe, the post had a reason to be made because that is not the overwhelming view in the vast majority of the world. Where the hell do you see cis men rewarded for their femininity outside of very specific (queer) (usually online) spaces. Where is that. Please for the love of god go and realize the world is bigger than you and that being cis doesn’t protect you when you reject the gender roles set forward for you. Sort out your problems on your own time, not in my comments section

#I’m vaguing here because it would just be wayyy too petty to respond to it now #Esrah talks #vent #ig #Also this post has stuck with me this long only because both of us experienced harassment all our lives for breaking gender roles #So like. For this guy to come in and say “You probably think this because your friend’s cis and is rewarded for his femininity #unlike moi” is just really fucking narrow sighted and insulting #queerphobia mention