#genuinely this is something i have thought about A LOT
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This was inspired by a conversation I had with an Aventurine AI. If Aventurine seems a bit OOC, I apologize. I wrote this all in one go while sleep-deprived.
Aventurine lays his head on your lap and you pet his hair and give him kisses. That’s pretty much it.
Contains: Established relationship, lots of fluff, and self-indulgence.
After returning from Penacony, Aventurine asked you to play a game of cards with him. He said he missed you and wanted to spend some quality time over a casual game.
Of course, Aventurine wouldn’t be Aventurine if a bet wasn’t involved.
“If I win, you have to give me a kiss,” he said while keeping his violet eyes trained on your face, a cat-like smile tugging at his lips. Without looking, he placed a card on the table and then waited for your move.
“A kiss?” you parrot, a bit surprised that Aventurine chose a rather simple bet this time. Usually, he liked to ask you out on long dates or get you to wear designer-brand clothing he picked out specially for you. A kiss seemed suspiciously simple by comparison.
“Yes, just a kiss. On the lips, of course,” he smirked and pointed at his lips for emphasis. “But what do you want if you win?”
You hesitated to answer, a bit self-conscious about what Aventurine would think of your request. Whether because you’ve missed him, or because the dark bags under his eyes hinted at Aventurine’s exhaustion, you just wanted to take care of him by doing something nice.
“If I win, I want you to lay your head on my lap and let me pet your hair,” you finally say, voice tinged with embarrassment.
The cat-like grin fell from Aventurine’s lips as he stared at you in wide-eyed surprise, before bursting out laughing.
“That’s the most adorable bet I’ve ever heard!” he grinned, his tired eyes lighting up with amusement. “It almost makes me want to throw the game so I can spend the evening being pampered by you.”
Your cheeks flushed from embarrassment and annoyance as Aventurine laughed at your choice for a bet. Your intentions were pure and genuine, so it hurt a little that he laughed at it.
Seeing the annoyed glare you sent his way, Aventurine quickly quieted down and tried to do damage control. “I admit, I quite like your idea. Whether I win and get a kiss, or lose and get pampered, both scenarios are a win-win in my books,” he said, his gaze warm.
“…Would you really throw the game just for some pampering?” you asked, looking at him with poorly disguised curiosity.
Aventurine only chuckled in response and leaned back in his chair, exuding an air of confidence.
“I’ll play seriously, of course. I still want that kiss, you know,” he replied with a smirk. “Let’s play and see who luck favors more.’”
The game of cards continued. While it wasn’t your first time playing with Aventurine, you sported a hefty 100% losing streak against him. The chances of that changing now were slim, you figured.
However, luck seemed to be on your side this time. You amassed some good cards, and even managed to push through tough plays where you were on the verge of losing. The game progressed unusually smoothly, and before you knew it, victory was in your hands.
“Ah, looks like I lost. Lady Luck was on your side today,” Aventurine sighed. Though he sounded disappointed, the smug smile painted across his face hinted at the opposite.
“You let me win, didn’t you?” you stated and crossed your arms, not buying his little act.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Aventurine casually brushed your accusation aside as he stood from the table. “Well then, as the losing party, I must fulfill my end of the bargain,” he drawled, giving you an expectant look.
You wanted to retort and call him out on his bluff some more but thought better of it. It truly had been a while since you saw Aventurine, and you were looking forward to doing something nice for him, even if it meant accepting a rigged victory.
Conceding to his expectant gaze, you led Aventurine over to a nearby sofa and took a seat on one side. You patted your lap, and Aventurine needed no further invitation to lay across the sofa with his head resting on your thighs.
He let out a quiet purr when your fingers carded through his blond locks, gently threading through the strands. Aventurine’s hair was soft and silky—all thanks to the expensive hair products he used.
“I could get used to this,” he murmured, looking up at you with a playful glint in his eye. “It feels quite nice to be pampered like this.”
“Sure, I could do this for you every day,” you quip back, playing along.
“Really? I’ll hold you to your word, then,” Aventurine chuckled.
“It will cost you, of course.”
“Ah, you drive a hard bargain.”
The playful banter between you continued for a while longer until it petered off into a peaceful silence. Your fingers never paused in their gentle and slow strokes through his hair, and you saw Aventurine gradually relax under your touch. The weight of Aventurine’s head grew heavier in your lap as he relaxed and lowered his guard. He closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh, basking in the tranquil moment.
The dark bags under his eyes were proof that Aventurine had not been sleeping well lately, which made you worry a bit. Your tender touches seemed to do the trick, however. Aventurine’s breathing deepened and slowed, while his expression softened into something more vulnerable and innocent as he succumbed to sleep. It was an expression you seldom witnessed, but one you knew was proof of Aventurine’s trust in you.
The sight of Aventurine so vulnerable and relaxed was simply too cute for you to resist. Overcome with a surge of affection, you tenderly brushed his bangs out of his face, before slowly leaning down and touching your lips to his in a feather-light kiss.
The blond tensed under you, and you pulled back slightly only to be met with an even more adorable sight. Aventurine looked up at you with surprise, his cheeks flushed a rosy, red hue. You had caught him unaware with that kiss and were now privy to a rare sight of him acting flustered.
You did your best to stifle the laugh that threatened to bubble out, but a snort still made it through. Aventurine’s momentary surprise turned into a sullen pout at your obvious attempts not to laugh at him.
“Sorry, you were just—so cute, you know? I couldn’t hold back—” you stammered, trying and failing to completely reign in your laughter.
Aventurine’s expression melted into something softer as he reached an arm up, placing his palm on the back of your head.
“I’m cute? The cute one here is you,” he murmured, voice almost a whisper as if he were saying it to himself. It didn’t sound like his usual playful flirting. This time, his tone was serious.
Stunned, you fall quiet and look down at the blond. Despite his serious expression, it still held a note of vulnerability and sincerity that you only saw during private moments with him.
The hand behind your head applied gentle pressure, a silent request for you to come closer to his face. However, there was no force behind it. If you wanted to, you could easily pull away and reject his wordless plea, and Aventurine would let you go. He always did.
This time, you felt like indulging him, so you complied and lowered your head until your faces were mere inches apart.
Your eyes met.
“If you want to fulfill my bet, then that kiss wasn’t nearly enough. But you’re welcome to try again, darling,” he said, voice breathy and soft. In classic Aventurine fashion, he left the decision up to you. He clearly wanted more, but he was still too hesitant to ask outright for it.
“All right. I’ll try as many times as you want until you’re satisfied,” you whisper back, before leaning in and closing the distance between your lips.
This kiss was firm yet sweet, and the first in a series of tender kisses that will leave their mark across Aventurine’s face.
Perhaps one day he’ll be comfortable with asking for what he wants from you without resorting to games of chance. For now, you will pamper your tired boyfriend and give him the affection he so desperately craves, even if it means giving him a hundred kisses every day.
#honkai star rail x reader#star rail x reader#hsr x reader#aventurine x reader#hsr aventurine x reader#I don't know what title to give this
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GIRLFRIEND
Olivia Rodrigo x Fem!Ferrari!Driver!Reader
Face claim Pinterest girls
Warning Gay couple(?), not proofread
Summary When you try to hard launch your relationship it seems to be that no one believes you.
A/N I like this a lot. It is a bit lengthy but I love it. Also I removed Carlos Sainz because I needed a place and Ferrari was the best with the options. So the reader will replace him.
Also I tried something new with writing for a girl so lmk know if you want more fem!driver x famous girl fics!
I hope y’all like it!
Don’t forget to Repost, comment and give Feadback! It helps a lot!
Instagram
Liked by Yourusername and 6.835.836 others
OliviaRodrigo Thank you so much Antwerp you were a dream! Amsterdam here we come!
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Conangray She’s on the moon!
OliviaRodrigo 🌕🌙
SabrinaCarpenter Pop princess
OliviaRodrigo Says you
Yourusername Wow what a beauty
Yourusername Loved seeing you! Liked by author
User1 I GOT TO SEE YOU!
User2 Anyone saw Y/n’s deleted comments?!
User3 OMG YES! I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME!
User4 god, she’s hot
User5 Wait Y/n went? How she has a race tomorrow?!
User6 multitasking queen
User7 I love you💜
User8 I love her friendship with other singers💕
User9 How does she know Y/n? I am genuinely curious because I love them both.
User10 They met through Gracie because Gracie and Y/n went to the same school and then Gracie introduced them. Now they are really good friends
User12 I LOVED THE SHOW!
User13 you killed it!
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Instagram
Liked by OliviaRodrigo and 2.736.936 others
Yourusername Had a great time at the GUTS Tour! Thank you so much for the invite liv!Also some pictures with Ferrari stud bc I drive cars or something…
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OliviaRodrigo I’m glad you enjoyed it! Liked by author
OliviaRodrigo You are so hot
Charles_Leclerc …Driving cars or something????
Charles_Leclerc also don’t we have a race tomorrow?
Yourusername Yes! But I can multitask!
Scuderia_Ferrari … were glad you enjoyed your time…? And good that you wore the jacket and posted your car…?
Yourusername Exactly!
User1 OMG YOU ARE A LIVIE?!
Yourusername YES! Always and forever!
User2 LIV?!?! WHAT IS THIS?!
User3 OMG I STOOD NEXT TO YOU!!
User4 Love the outfit!
User5 anyone see Olivia’s deleted comments liked by 1.837 others
User6 Not the thing about the cars😂 so unserious🤣
User7 I love you!
User8 Aren’t you tired? You have media day tomorrow and the day after FP1 and FP2
Yourusername As I said ✨multisasking✨
User9 I love her friendship with Olivia!
User10 SHE WENT TO THE TOUR?!
User11 she really is a girls girl
User12 not the work with fun😂
User13 IM IN LOVE WITH YOU!
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Instagram
Liked by OliviaRodrig and 1.173.736 others
Yourusername Forza Ferrari! A little photo dump of Imola before Monaco. Saw a lot of red, but it suits me so that’s a plus.
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Scuderia_Ferrari Forza Ferrari!
Charles_Leclerc Red!
User1 gorgeous
User2 Why is Olivia liking a post that has nothing to do with her?!
User3 prolly because they are friends
User4 Good luck in Monaco!
User5 ❤️
User6 P5! In the points!
User7 So happy to see more women in motorsports!
User8 What do you think about Charles adopting Oscar?
User9 You’re so pretty!
User10 Red does really looks good on you!
User11 good luck this weekend!
User12 I love the GenZ energy
User13 Favourite driver ever
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Instagram
Yourusername posted a story
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Twitter
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Instagram
Liked by OliviaRodrigo and 2.836.837 others
Yourusername P3🏆 happy with the results and very happy for Charles and the team! Congratulations!
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Charles_Leclerc couldn’t have done it without you!
Scuderia_Ferrari A grat race again Y/n!
OliviaRodrigo Great job! Liked by author
User1 P3!
User2 Great job! Ready for the next posium!
User3 Olivia is earlier than me and I have notifications on?!
User4 so true! I love their friendship!
User5 Our racing queen!
User6 💜💕❤️
User7 not her petting a picture of her and Olivia in her racing post😂
User8 she’s so pretty!
User9 She looked so happy!
User10 Anyone know why she was giggling on her phone so much?!
User11 maybe she has a boyfriend?!
User12 OMG THAT WOULD BE SO AMAZING!!
User13 Were up for a great season!
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Instagram
Liked by OliviaRodrigo and 4.736.836 others
Yourusername Had a fun time. Met this girl, she kept following me around, her name is Olivia or something… she is cool I guess. Did some cool things, visited some cool places. Being aesthetic and all…
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OliviaRodrigo Mean?!
Yourusername Who are you again?
User1 I love their friendship your honour
Charles_Leclerc I am just going to be silent and not ask what is happening in those pictures
Yourusername That’s great
User2 the caption😂
User3 Very aesthetic indeed👍
User4 I love them😍
User6 Hotttttt
User7 Paris and Ferrari, the best combination!
User8 museum twice, painting picnic AND Paris?! What is going on?!
User9 is it just me or does this look like a date…?
User10 OMG YOURE RIGHT! AND ALSO THE INSTA STORY!
User11 Seriously? They’re just friends and they both don’t like girls
User12 they’re so pretyyyyyyyy
User13 💕💜❤️😍
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Twitter
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Instagram
Liked by OliviaRodrigo and 4.936.836 others
Yourusername I alsways love hanging out with the best people in my life. And this is an other instance of that. I loved hanging out with you @OliviaRodrigo. Thank you for being there for me💕
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OliviaRodrigo I love hanging out with you too💕 I will always be there for you💜❤️
Yourusername 💕💜❤️
User1 Them using each other’s colours😭😭
User2 I love their friendship!
User3 awwwww
User4 they are friendship goals
User5 so pretty
User6 friendship dates are the best!
User7 so cute
User8 why does this kind of look like a soft/hard launch?!?!
User9 It really doesn’t. They are just posting about their friendship, she even said it in the caption!
Charles_Leclerc 🤦♂️
Yourusername shut up
User10 wait what happened?!
User11 why does this kind of look like a couple??
User12 gorgeous women liked by author and OliviaRodrigo
User13 In love with both
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Twitter
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Instagram
Liked by Yourusername and 5.735.836 others
OliviaRodrigo A little break between shows and city’s 💜💕❤️ happy to be home
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Yourusername 💜💕❤️ liked by author
Yourusername You’re so hot🥵
SabrinaCarpenter Hope you enjoy your brake! Liked by author
User1 Friendship goals!!
User2 They are the cutest friends ever!
User3 Her wearing red is so cute! Girls supporting girls!
User4 I love them!
User5 the 5th picture🥵
User6 anyone saw Y/n’s deleted comment???
User7 I thought it was just me’
User8 Again this really looks like a hard/soft launch!!
User9It doesn’t!!!
User10 I hope you enjoy your brake! You deserve it!
User11 not her calling Y/n her home 🥲
User12 the 4th pic is so cute!!
Yourusername 🤦♀️ liked by author
User13 WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!
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Instagram
Liked by OliviaRodrigo and 8.986.836 others
Yourusername I had an amazing time with MY GIRLFRIEND and I really enjoys the break. You are my person, my others half. Even if the entire word things we are just best friends EVEN WHEN WE SOFT LAUNCH AND HARD LAUNCH. I love you very much and I am very happy to have you in my life. 💜💕❤️
View all 125.736 comments
OliviaRodrigo Gorgeous girl, my girl, MY GIRLFRIEND
Yourusername always and forever
Charles_Leclerc Finally!! It took long enough!
Yourusername so true!
SabrinaCarpenter So happy for you two!
Yourusername Thank you Sab - me and liv
GracieAbrams Don’t forget you met through me!
Yourusername We could never
OliviaRodrigo Yeah cause Gracie keeps telling us
User1 I love them already
ConanGray Now I can finally post all the photos of you two!
OliviaRodrigo Please do!
Scuderia_Ferrari so happy for you two!
Landonorris does this mean I can get tickets??
Yourusername no
Lilymhe Why wasn’t I informed about this? I thought we were friends!
Yourusername we are! I’m sorry but almost no one on the grid knows! Can I make it better with GUTS tickets…?
Lilymhe …yes. You are forgiven after I have gone to the concert
OliviaRodrigo and where is my opinion in this?
Yourusername with mine
OliviaRodrigo Of course my love
Lilymhe I love y’all already
User2 ONG WHAT?!?!
User3 So they were trying to tell us this whole time???…
Yourusername yes
OliviaRodrigo yes
Charles_Leclerc yes
SabrinaCarpenter yes
ConanGray yes
GracieAbrams yes
User3 OMG HI!
User4 SO CUTE!
User5 Hottest couple for real
User6 wait so how long were you two together??
Yourusername Around 1 year. Our anniversary was on the 3 year anniversary of SOUT
User7 WAIT. so you got together on 2 years SOUR?! Cute!
OliviaRodrigo Yes!
User8 I was right!!!!!!
Yourusername and the only one at that
User9 I’m so sorry!
User10 your girlfriends hot
User11 cutest couple ever
User12 I DID NOT expect this
User13 THIS IS WHY THEY USE THE EMOJIS! Red is for Y/n purple is for Olivia and the pink hards of two is for them together! Liked by author
User13 SHE LIKED
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#formula 1#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 x you#x reader#formula 1 fic#f1 fanfic#formula 1 fanfic#f1 polls#lando norris#olivia rodrigo x f1#guts olivia rodrigo#olivia rodrigo#olivia rodrigo x reader#Olivia Rodrigo x fem!reader#Olivia Rodrigo x driver!reader#female!driver#driver x reader#driver!reader#fem!reader#fem!driver#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 angst#f1 fic#f1 x Olivia Rodrigo#formula 1 fluff#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 smau#guts tour#singer
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Was having some thoughts about Steve joining Hellfire. They are as follows.
I'm thinking maybe they start him off with smaller weekly oneshots. Unbeknownst to Steve they are also still meeting for their regular other campaign, he figures that out later. That Eddie's been writing one shots for him on top of his other bonkers story he's got going and Steve is like "oh 🥺".
BUTTT! during the one shots, all the kids have their moments of being RUDE to Steve. Mike is the worst (cuz I dislike him and his fucking attitude). But everytime one of them is rude to Steve, and it's like legit mean stuff, like them calling him stupid. Things like that. Steve usually kinda gets quiet. And then, whenever the kids do that, Eddie starts making notes in his notebook. Then whoever said the mean thing, their characters die.
Like, Mike gets the worst of it cuz he's just such an ass. But Eddie's got a SYSTEM in these notes okay!!! There are straight tallys, for actually hurtful mean things, there are wiggly tallys for things he can tell are meant to be teasing but that he can tell definitely still kinda hurt Steve a bit. And then there are stars. People get stars for helping Steve along the way.
Be that helping his characters, or just helping him with his math or helping him understand something about the game when Eddie is busy or "distracted". Cuz he legit always notices when people help Steve. Most of the time it's cuz he hears Steve's genuine thank yous. Lucas, and surprisingly Erica, have the most stars, aside from El. Max gets stars sometimes just for back talking Mike's rudes comments with shit like,
"mike what does it matter? we're all about to die anyway. That sphinx is gonna fucking eat us. Who cares. Leave him alone."
Because her and El have of course been invited too. But they've been playing just a LITTLE bit longer so they know a small amount more. El only has stars because she is legit always helpful. Steve has taken to sitting between El and Erica because they're the nicest to him. Lucas usually sits across from him.
Dustin has lots of wiggly tallys cuz he just can't control his mouth sometimes. But one day Mike gets brutally killed again and starts whining about it and Steve has noticed Eddie making little notes. Has no idea what they are. Cuz he doesn't look through other people's notebooks. Thats rude.
Everyone has noticed the notes. No one has asked. They all have theories. And when Eddie is like,
"I'm trying to teach you a lesson. Not my fault you aren't smart enough to figure out what it is." And his voice has such a BITCHY tone when he says it. Because Mike had JUST been hounding Steve for missing "obvious" clues and not being smart enough to figure it out and walking into a trap.
And steve had gone red from his ears all the way down his neck, he also felt bad cuz he'd gotten El's character hurt. And then Mike had been an ass. Steve was upset. So Eddie killed Mike. And then he's whining and Eddie's about to say something else when El speaks up, looks across the table with a scowl and says,
"just be nicer! It's not hard to be nice. Steve is our friend. Be nice to him." And she rolls her eyes at Mike, puts her hand on Steve's arm and is like,
"I will be fine. Will can heal me." And Will pipes up and is like,
"yeah. I can heal her no problem." But it's El's outburst that makes Steve kind of wonder more about the notes Eddie takes.
He'd never ask, and never look. But he stays behind one day to help Eddie clean up, they have weekly games at the community center.
So Steve's staying after and helping with chairs and tables and getting books and dice and things stored away and Eddie's notebook is RIGHT THERE. Open to the page he's always scribbling on. And Steve just sort of... stops. And looks at it. And it's everyone's names with tallys and marks and stars. Erica has wiggly marks AND stars. But mostly stars. Because she helps him with his math almost every game.
Also she "accidentally" let mike get hit with an attack in the game cuz he was being rude. El's is all stars and scrawled under them in Eddie's chicken scratch is,
"She's a literal angel oh my god."
So Steve's eyes are just wandering over this page and his brow is all creased and he doesn't hear Eddie come back until he says,
"figured out what's missing yet?" In that teasing sweet little voice he uses on Steve that makes him feel a little dizzy sometimes, give him butterflies in his stomach, and his whole body jerks and he looks up and Eddie's leaning casually against the wall near the door. And Steve immediately apologizes and Eddie laughs, shakes his head, walks closer. And is like,
"It's okay Steve. But you didn't answer my question." He licks his lips, steps closer. Steve looks back to the notebook for a second and then back to Eddie.
"My names not on there?" He asks, worrying his finger into the table top next to the notebook. And Eddie is nodding.
"Yup." And Steve's like,
"The tallys are about... me?" And he's frowning. But Eddie steps a bit closer, standing next to the table now. And he smiles, all shy and soft and is like,
"yeah Steve. They're about you. Got kinda tired of all the kids talking shit about you. And to you. So I came up with a system. Anyone says anything about you being stupid, I kill them." He grins, wide like the Cheshire cat and Steve feels kinda pinned down by it. Feels kinda hot all over.
"You didn't- have to do that. It's fine. It doesn't bother me. I mean I know I'm not smart." And he just shakes his head and looks at the ground and Eddie kinda slams his hand down on the table, startling him. He looks up and Eddie looks mad. Not at him. Just, mad.
"You're not though. Is the thing. I mean... you're incredibly good at strategy. I know you don't know enough about dnd yet to know this, but you've been a crucial part in winning like, the last three games." Eddie steps closer, his fingertips brushing the back of Steve's hand.
"You're not stupid. You're just smart in different ways." Eddie shrugs. Gives Steve a little lopsided smile.
"You think I'm smart?" He asks, biting his lip to stop the giddy smile that's threatening to spread. Eddie doesn't stop his smile, just lets it go, lets it dimple his cheeks and make Steve's knees weak. And he's like,
"yeah man. Just cuz some jumped up little tweens can't see it doesn't mean I can't. You're kinda hard to miss." He does bite his lip then, fingers playing with his hair, Steve knows he's trying not to hide behind it.
"I just uh-" Eddie clears his throat,
"I'm really petty. And protective. And it's ridiculous cuz you're not even mine but- I just- felt like I had to protect you. Or stick up for you. Or something? I dunno. Feels stupid now that I'm saying it out- oof!" Eddie huffs when Steve slams into him. Arms wrapped around his neck. He may or may not be crying into Eddie's hellfire shirt. But he gives Eddie a squeeze and then pulls back, looks at him, smiles and says,
"I am though." With a little shrug. And Eddie's like,
"you... are?" Confused. And Steve laughs, light and sweet and says,
"Yours. I am yours. If you'll have me. Or want me. Or- mmfph!" Steve's words end in a high pitched hum as Eddie's lips hit his. Just a firm press. His hand on Steve's cheek. He pulls back fast, pink in the cheeks.
"Sorry I just- if you let me have you, Steve. I may never let you go." He chuckles, giddy. Steve snorts, his head falling to Eddie's shoulder for a second before he looks at Eddie, cups his cheek genlty.
"Who says I want you to?" His brows jump, challenging. Eddie goes redder, down to his neck.
"Wanna try that kiss again?" Steve asks.
"God was is bad? I've never- I'm not... good. At that stuff." Eddie cringes. Steve cups both his cheeks until Eddie's wide eyes are staring at him, his cheeks a little squished.
"It wasn't bad. It was kind of perfectly you. But we can get you good at that stuff. You're a fast learner right?" Steve smirks, Eddie's eyes go impossibly wider as he nods aggressively, cheeks squishing even more.
"Yes, sir." Eddie mumbles between his squished lips. Steve nods, once and then moves forward, slowly, determined to show Eddie just how thankful he is for him. How thankful he is that Eddie sees him.
Petty.
And protective.
And Steve's.
#ive never played dnd sorry if stuff sucks#steddie#my writing#mine#my fic#steve harrington x eddie munson#steddie fic#steve x eddie#steddie ficlet#fates endless inkwell#fei
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how leehan loves ( zodiac series ) ˚ · .
how i think leehan would navigate relationships/love/communication based on his natal chart/birth chart!
wc: 1k+
more under the cut!
in short, leehan is an incredibly "patient, dependable, and secure" lover.
with his libra sun, i'd say he's a "starry-eyed" romantic; one of those people with that sparkly gaze of admiration when they have a crush on someone. he would definitely observe you from afar for a while and maybe even pine a bit, picking up on all the things you are interested in, your style, and just who you are as a person.
from there, i see a lot of courtship before asking you out. because his moon is in capricorn, he's not the type to fall quickly or rush into things. he is willing to put in the effort if he genuinely wants to build a solid relationship with his partner and he's not a fan of flings and fleeting emotions. he can be pretty nitpicky when it comes to relationships, so he tries to act wisely and thoughtfully.
leehan is very cute though!!! ^___^ although he may seem like a rock on the outside at times because of his cap moon, he sometimes finds it hard to make the first move. please show him that you truly like him by reciprocating his efforts to give him some confidence!
leehan is very dependable and punctual. he shows up early for dates, will come over as soon as you call, and keeps all of his promises. his virgo venus makes him a big lover of domestic things like doing the dishes together, routine kisses, brushing your teeth together and making silly faces at each other in the mirror, making your coffee just the way you like it <3
leehan is a big extrovert and would love to spend as much time with his partner as possible. and by "time", i mean meaningful, quality time where you can really sit and talk and get to know each other. he probably wouldn't be a fan of dates where there's too many people around. i recommend intimate dates like cooking together, a private pottery class, and maybe even renting out a karaoke room for just the two of you.
but beware that a big turn-off for him would be clinginess in the early stages of the relationship. he likes when things progress slowly so he can build that strong, intimate bond with his partner. when things move too fast, he gets incredibly uncomfortable and he moves on pretty quickly if he can't see a future with someone.
i see his ideal type as people who he can have emotional resonance with. with his sun and mars in libra, he likes balance. if he's closed off, he'd like someone who can help him open up. people who are gentle, carefree, kind-hearted, fun-loving, and just as romantic as him.
leehan's mercury is in scorpio, so he's not too affected by those petty, fleeting arguments. if he notices you’re stressed and taking it out on him, he’ll be so gentle and try to figure out what’s truly going on. he hates to be in the dark, so please tell him if something is bothering you because it will bother him if he doesn’t know what’s bothering you. he's highly observant and he observes in silence most of the time. expect to always have his eyes on you like an eagle; he's basically trying to read your mind ><
he may have some problems with jealousy because his venus squares pluto. leehan is all about being in it for the long-run and creating a stable and trusting relationship. it's not necessarily insecurity that riles him up, but the thought of someone trying to steal you away from him gets under his skin. when leehan is jealous, he can be very passive-aggressive and shut himself off from you. you may not even know why he's acting that way because he takes so long to open up.
if there is a serious conflict, leehan can become pretty detached and stoic. he definitely internalizes his feelings and stress, and he needs time alone when he's bombarded with too many emotions. he only shares his deepest, darkest feelings with those he trusts and is pretty reserved when it comes to dealing with his feelings.
leehan always reflects before he approaches you for communication. with his libra mars, he craves harmony and understanding. sometimes he can get a little too caught up in defending himself, though, because he doesn't want you to misunderstand. he's level-headed after he clears his thoughts and handles issues with long-term stability in mind rather than quick fixes. overall, he's pretty graceful at managing conflict. he can compromise without any pushback.
alternatively, leehan is the best person to share your secrets with. he'll take them to the grave, always. he's not inclined to gossip or lecture you. he'll simply listen and provide you comfort <3
he is always incredibly understanding of your feelings and never fails to take them into consideration. he'll take you to restaurants catering to your taste, even if he's not a fan. he'll give you his jacket if you forget yours and it starts to rain. he is just so selfless and patient with his partner. <3
his love languages are quality time and acts of service!!! he values meaningful time spent with his partner to form that deep connection, and likes to ease their burdens by helping them whenever he can. he has a tendency to put his partner before himself, and can even neglect his own needs sometimes. if you can, help him out by reminding him to have breakfast, helping him relax by having a cuddle session in between his heavy schedule, and being his rock to lower his guard around ><
ways to make leehan swoon? compare hand sizes ^___^ or trace the lines on his palm, kiss the back of his hand, lace your fingers together... anything involving his hands! also paying attention to his little quirks would make him fall for you even faster. like, oh, he likes this specific candy so pick some up on your way over! or mention something cute he did in his sleep. just noticing those small things about him will make him feel so special ^___^
reblogs are greatly appreciated! lmk what u think or if you have any other takes!!! i'm always open to learning more :o thank u...<3
series masterlist
masterlist
#000 pawz ⋆˚🐾˖°#he's such a calming presence#like my heart is so full <333#leehan#boynextdoor#bnd#astrology#zodiacs#leehan x reader#leehan imagines#boynextdoor imagines#boynextdoor fluff#~<3
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A little something featuring Fuuta and Es after talking about their criminal lack of interaction in fanworks with @waivyjellyfish ! You had such awesome ideas (a few of which I'm still bouncing around in my head to post at some point,) but this one ended up taking over my brain -- I hope you enjoy 😅 Attempting to answer the widely-debated question:
“Oi, why didn’t you hit me?”
Es looked up from their paperwork.
“Prisoner number three. Most people are glad when they’re not struck.”
“Well, I’m not.”
Es usually left the door open at this hour, in case anyone had any last-minute complaints before curfew. No one usually took them up on the offer. They figured that if there was any prisoner they could count on to complain, it would be Fuuta marching through their door.
“You hit all the other guys. You even hit some of the girls that were giving you trouble. So what? You think I’m too weak? You think I can’t take it?” Fuuta spread his arms. “I can, so show me what you’ve got!”
Es sighed. They put down their pen. They folded their gloved hands together, resting their chin on top. “Fuuta, I’m not going to hit you.”
“Why not?”
“As of right now, I have no reason to. If you’re referring to the interrogations…”
They reflected on the first one they'd shared with him. To be fair, the thought had crossed their mind. It would have been satisfying to give this rowdy prisoner a taste of his own medicine – striking him after such a dramatic charge at them. But Es was always good at reading people. It didn’t take them long to understand Fuuta was the type to lash out first and ask questions later. In fact, that was likely what had landed him in Milgram in the first place.
Although Es knew they weren’t here to do any reformation, they wanted to try to show these prisoners where they’d gone wrong. So, they resolved to act as the bigger person. They’d prove that senseless violence was just that. By keeping their composure, they’d show Fuuta just how childish he was being.
That wasn’t my only reason. I guess that's true, my actions weren’t all purely righteous. I still spent the entire time looking for ways to make him squirm… But it wasn’t all cruelty. I really did want to understand. I wanted to help. That counts for something, right?
Es never struck the prisoners out of anger, or as a petty show of power. It was a way to force the prisoner to mind their ego. When they’d gotten a bit too full of themselves, a bit too comfortable with the awful deed they’d committed, Es’ blow encouraged them to feel a bit more humility and guilt.
By the time the second trial arrived, Fuuta oozed guilt.
The moment Es entered the interrogation room, it was clear that he needed no lesson in humility. He hugged his arms to his chest. His remaining eye darted around the room in thinly-veiled hysteria. His voice trembled when he spoke. It didn’t require any people-reading skills to hear the remorse that underlaid all of his accusations and threats.
Hitting the others felt like giving a dog a tap on the nose after breaking a rule. Meanwhile, Fuuta snapped and snarled like a stray who’d been kicked time and time again.
Of course, he could never know any of this. Any way Es phrased it, Fuuta would misunderstand it as pity.
Well, wasn’t it? I thought he looked like a kicked puppy – that sounds a lot like pity. No, it was out of respect. Does that mean I didn’t respect the prisoners I did hit? No. I respected them too. Then, what’s the difference?
Fuuta was still staring at them, asking the very same question. What’s the difference?
“Each of Milgram’s prisoners is unique.”
They were met with an unimpressed glare.
Es chose their words carefully. “Each one responds best to a variety of treatments. Some need attention to be comfortable, while others need time. Some need validation in order to confess. Others, a bit of debate does the trick. Some need a show of force. You –” remind me too much of myself “– require something else. I’ve learned to change my approach depending on the person I’m dealing with.”
Fuuta’s features flashed with confusion, then shame, then his usual mask of anger. “Tch. How pathetic.”
“Excuse me?”
“So you just change your personality when it’s convenient? You put up fake smiles and fake attitude? Have some balls and just be yourself.”
Es was caught by surprise. “... I am. Those are all pieces of myself. I choose to bring out different parts when it would be most helpful.”
“Sounds manipulative as hell to me.”
It makes sense he doesn’t understand. He’s a very clear-cut person, with every aspect of his personality lining up in a way that makes sense. I find that predictability fun. Or, is it something that I envy? Could it be both?
They had no time to dwell on it, as Fuuta was struck with an idea. “Though, if you can do it on command, why don’t you give me the ‘you’ that wants to hit someone?”
He spread his arms once more, hands gesturing to his chest. Es pretended not to notice him wince. They remained in their seat.
“What are you waiting for? Hit me!”
“I will not.”
“You just said you can change your personality on a whim, so let’s see it!”
“That is not what I said.”
His good eye began to look frenzied. He raised his voice. “You scared? The big bad warden of Milgram, nothing but a big coward!”
“Stop this. You’re acting childish.”
“No! You’re treating me childishly! Let me see the Es that kicked Shidou! The one that slapped Kazui! Treat me like you treated them!”
“I hit them because they said something stupid. They deserved it.”
“Are you fucking kidding? I deserve it too! I deserve it! Come on!”
At the last word, his voice broke. He stumbled to his knees. He let his head drop. He sucked in strained breath after strained breath. Shidou would surely give him a lecture about getting so worked up with his injuries.
Es finally stood.
They made their way around the desk. They knelt on the floor in front of him.
“Why?” he wheezed. “Tell me…”
“Fuuta.”
Should I just go ahead and do it, just to make him happy? No, I want to talk it out. But what do even I say? I'll tell him that I care. I can’t. None of the prisoners understand that I care. Why? Why is it so hard for them to see? I’m trying my best, why can’t they see?
Es extended their hand carefully. They didn’t know what they hoped to accomplish, but in that moment their thoughts were too loud and conflicting. They needed to do something.
Fuuta saw the gentle intention, and immediately raised his own hand to strike. It froze midair, though whether it was from Milgram’s restrictions or his own hesitation, Es would never know.
Neither of their gestures connected.
Footsteps. Then Yuno’s voice, hesitantly from the doorway. “We heard shouting, is everything alright in here?”
Es retracted their hand. A beat. Fuuta dropped his, too.
“Yuno. Yes, we’re fine. Fuuta was just heading to bed. I’m going to walk him to his cell.”
“I can handle myself.”
“I said, I’m going to walk him to his cell.”
Es stood, nodding to Yuno. When she’d gone, they turned their attention back to the prisoner crumpled on the ground. They made an effort to quiet their ever-racing thoughts.
“Listen. I know you can handle yourself. I’m not doing this because I think you’re weak. You’re strong. Don’t think for a moment that I don’t see that.”
They held out their arm to help him up. He didn’t move.
“Sometimes you are a bit too strong, if you ask me. I mean, picking fights with your prison warden, really?” They clicked their tongue. “You should be grateful for a superior that gives you second chances.”
At last, Fuuta took their hand. He avoided meeting their eyes, but his voice had softened considerably from his rant. “The only thing you give me is a headache.”
Es offered a dry smile as they pulled him to his feet. “The feeling is mutual.”
#milgram#es#fuuta kajiyama#i fully intended on writing something silly/sweet so SORRY this was a lot of drama 😭 silly and sweetness coming soon i promise adsfsdf#i really do think es would see themself in fuuta to some degree#something about them being filled with audience voices and fuuta also being a reflection of the audience... idk...#it makes me crazy how much es cares !!!! their line at the end of baptism of fire about how they dont hate the prisoners#and they now have a connection that cant be broken#and they see them all as comrades#it makes me crazy!!!#they have too many conflicting thoughts/feelings of WARDEN DUTY to flat out say 'hey i care about you'#but they do!!!! ;---;#i had some fun writing es' internal monologue like that! i debated on making it specifically a conversation between voices (using 'you' or#third person pronouns) but i think this still gets the idea across well#i know es never actually gave a straight answer to the final question but i hope this still gave a good peek at their reasoning#i genuinely dont think es pities him but he IS a pathetic wet cat in t2 and that definitely influences their actions in some way#i believe your exact words were 'red-haired fucked up dog' and i hope i could do that image justice 😎👍#drabbles
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cw: domestic comfort fic with Moth (written for @z-shalltear <3)
"...Oh."
Your voice comes out soft — dulcet — so as to not startle your partner who was nestled deep within the fluffiness of your pillows, plushies, and blankets. Nothing but a faint light from their phone illuminates their face, but it disappears the moment their eyes fall on you. Giving you a soft smile, you watch as Moth sits up and offers you their undivided attention.
"I thought you'd be asleep by now." You return their smile in kind, though your shoulders can't help but slump even further from the fatigue that was slowly creeping up on you. "It's nearly three a.m."
"I could say the same about you." Despite the playful glint in their eyes, Moth's voice is just as gentle as yours — much like the way they scoot back and lift the blankets to make room for you. An invitation, should you choose to accept it. "....Hey, y'okay?"
At their words, your resolve crumbles and your posture falters. You honestly weren't expecting to be met with concern — all you wanted to do was sleep away the problems and stress you've been dealing with lately — but it was nice to know that someone cared enough for your well-being to show genuine interest. And so, with a weak and weary sigh, you timidly walk over to Moth and settle into the space they once occupied in the bed.
It was still warm, comforting, and smelling faintly of something that reminded you of home.
"Mm. Just... tired, I guess." Once you're settled, you feel the blankets shift around your body before they're draped over your shoulders and tucked underneath your side. "Tired of everything."
"...Are you up for some cuddling?" your lover's voice comes from somewhere behind you. It was nice how Moth always seemed to ask for permission before touching you — lest it made you feel uncomfortable somehow.
So with a slight nod, you lean back into their embrace the moment you feel their arms circle around your body and rest underneath your chest. Your partner's chin soon draws near after a beat of silence; carefully tucking itself into the crown of your head to simply breathe in your scent.
...It seems you brought just as much comfort to Moth as they did to you.
"You feel like talking about it too?" Even though you felt safe in Moth's embrace to express what was on your mind, they still left enough room for you to decline. "Or... You can just tell me about your day instead? It doesn't have to be anything exciting. If you want, I can talk about mine."
Deciding you like the idea of having your lover's low, soft voice fill the silence; you offer yet another soft nod and gently rest your hands atop theirs. Unknowingly, your fingers brush against the silly little bow ring you gifted them upon a whim and it sends Moth's heart fluttering.
"Where to start... Well, I found this new anime recently — you might like it, actually." You felt them hum against your hair, "The premise looks really promising. It's about this isekaied retail worker who's been facing a lot of hardships in a brand new world, but despite everything they're going through, they keep persisting."
Moth pulls you closer to their side and gives you a soft squeeze.
"They... Okay, this miiiight sound cheesy, but— they remind me a lot of you. Very hardworking, supportive, resilient." You could almost feel Moth's smile grow as they continued, "Kind, helpful, determined. Now that I think about it, that character might just be a direct rip-off of you. Hey, do you think we could sue?"
An unflattering snort escapes the confines of your mouth at Moth's words, and you can't help but find yourself going along with it. "Pfft— You want to sue a giant production company?"
"Why not! Think of all the money we'd get once we win." Moth's head drops to the back of your neck now, holding you close as they continue talking. "Heh, we'd probably have enough to take a trip to Japan. Would you... Would you like that? It doesn't have to be Japan— anywhere is fine if it's with you, even if it's just to the city or back to Corland Bay."
"...You want to take a trip together?"
"Yeah! It'd be good for us, I think." If you focus hard enough, you'd be able to feel Moth place a chaste kiss against the clothed space between your shoulder blades. "We'd get a nice change of pace... and you won't be stressed out as much."
"Moth—"
"—I don't mind taking care of everything." All of a sudden, they sound serious. "Tell me when you can get some time off from work, and I'll plan everything. You won't have to worry about a thing!"
Moth's real name slips from your lips with ease.
Without missing a beat, you turn around until you're facing your beloved partner and rest your forehead against theirs — careful not to bump them with your nose. Soft, hazel eyes peer back at you, and before you can stop yourself, you lean in for a kiss.
Warmth and mirth flood your senses as Moth reciprocates with the same amount of tenderness, and for a brief moment in time, everything feels peaceful. Surrounded by nothing but pure love and adoration, you let your walls crumble down and let the light in. And just like a moth to a flame, your partner effortlessly gravitates towards you.
"Okay."
#Not proofread sowwie + I was listening to Less Of You by Keshi while writing this :3#Also edited slightly to make it more Angel-centric ;v; Da original is still linked on my personal Tumblr somewhere#💖 — about moth.#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — sai writes.#to be tagged later
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Thoughts about Striker being a "supremacist:"
On the surface, he's sort of a social class activist/ Robin Hood archetype. I think he truly thinks of himself this way. But when Blitz calls him a supremacist, who's he a supremacist against exactly? It's imps. This guy hates imps (and also identifies as one, even though he's clearly some sort of hybrid, which is interesting).
Let me show you what I mean. The short version is that he's the self-hating minority bigot trope, and it's executed really well.
"Blue Bloods"
"Disgusting, rich, pompous goetia"
"Some of us have everything we care about taken away by fuckers like you."
"You don't get to talk over me. . . all you ever do is try to talk over us."
"Once I split your neck open and let you choke on your own blue blood, you won't be worth any more than the tomb stone you'll be buried under."
So . . . first, he doesn't actually say a lot that's solely about royals, and ALL of the quotes above are about how royals look down on people like him, NOT about any inherent flaws that they have. They're about class, not race, unless you count "blue blood" as race. I don't. It's tied directly to money. "Disgusting" comes up in reference to Blitz's relationship with Stolas, but the words "rich" and "pompous" follow immediately. Striker hates royals because he hates that society places them above him.
Imps
"Pathetic."
"You little things aint worth the cleanup."
"Oh I remember how easy you are to choke the life out of, little one."
"Blitz, come on. You know the two of us are superior to most of our kind."
"I still think it's embarrassing. You're wasting a lot of potential relying on a weak little . . ."
"Vermin"
I think that this is where Striker's worldview comes into clearer focus. He thinks that Moxxie and Millie (and by extension MOST imps) are inferior to him. The word "vermin" is particularly telling. There's something visceral about his disgust for "lesser" imps.
I think Striker worries that they reflect who he really is. I think he truly believes that imps are inferior to higher class demons, and he fears that if he doesn't prove himself to be special (through violent dominance), he's vermin himself.
Notice how in the image below, his edge over Moxxie is all about size and physical strength- the things he implies throughout the episode make him the superior being. Look at that wide smile. He loves the feeling of being superior.
Relationships between imps and royals
"You are so above sucking on a disgusting rich pompous goetia . . ."
"kill the unkillable . . . starting with the one that treats you like a plaything."
"Blitzy"
"You two are both embarrassments to our kind for meddlin' with blue bloods to begin with. But at least loud mouth here has the sense to only fuck his rich bitch, instead of being a little purse dog."
"This worthless little pet reeks of his over bloated master. I'll at least enjoy getting rid of him."
Striker clearly sees these relationships as imps lowering themselves. It doesn't seem to occur to him even for a moment that these relationships might involve genuine care because he sees all interactions between social classes as being about power and "who wins."
Notice that despite in theory caring about the power dynamics, Striker puts most of his shaming language on the imps in the relationships, and uses demeaning language to do it- "embarrassments, purse dog, little pet," as if they're at fault (for being used, in his view . . .?) and should be ashamed.
I thought about delving more into why Striker sees Blitz as closer to his own level, and I think it comes down to the things he values (physical strength, willingness to kill, detachment/independence), which are not the things that we the audience end up liking the most about Blitz. He misses the point of what actually makes our boy great, basically. 😍
I've spent a lot of time reading and watching videos about real life white supremacists because I like to be miserable, and . . . yeah, this character really shares their view that some people are inferior to others, and that the traits that make them inferior are inherent and immutable. The people he hates just aren't the ones he'd have us believe he hates.
#I saw a reaction video a while back that described Striker as extremely cool but also extremely uncool at the same time#and it really stuck with me#stiker#helluva boss#stolitz#fizzmodeus#moxxie#millie#blitz#blitzo#stolas#villains#i love well written authentically detestable villains <3#my helluva meta#been cooking in the back of my mind for a while#Now edited#Ugh why do I post without rereading?
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pillow talk
synopsis: the three times in which you sleep over at seungmin's childhood home as his friend and the one time you're something more.
pairing: non-idol!seungmin x gn!reader
genre: hurt, comfort, angt
warnings: mentions of abandonment, reader is an orphan and in foster care, swearing, food
word count: 3.3k words
now playing: you make me feel - easha
requested: by the lovely @booksndpoetry
a/n: wrote this is two days no wonder it's so bad (pls dont kill me)
"the colors of your love came so suddenly"
The first time you slept over at his childhood home was accompanied with the dull throb and apprehension of yet another new beginning.
Your one solitary bag and the pillow that was your only prized possession were the only things you had with you. Your bag hung off one shoulder and the pillow was clutched to your chest.
You found yourself wondering what Seungmin's family was like. Being a pessimist, you didn't hope for the best and braced yourself for the worst. When the door opened, warm yellow light spilled through the silhouette of a middle-aged women and temporarily blinded you.
Your posture slightly relaxed. Families with an abundance of yellow lights rarely mistreated you.
Your situation was laughable really. You weren't even a full two weeks into the Jang's care, and yet the neglect had already begin.
Stop, you told yourself, at least they were willing to take your old ass in. The Jangs' were away for a business trip and informed you last minute that their flight had been cancelled. They told you to g once she locked up left.
It wasn't that you weren't grateful to the Jangs; but the years you had spent being grateful and getting nothing in return caused you to offer a cautious thanking to their actions. They were sweet to you so far, but you didn't blame them for wanting you out of the house when you were gone.
Foster kids and newly adopted kids had a history of stealing, and while you had never done the same, the feeling of paranoia was one that you were well accustomed to.
Mrs. Kim had a kind, slightly wrinkled face and a wide smile. "Hello dear. You must be Y/N. Come in, come in. Don't stand in the cold for too long."
You could instantly feel the maternal protection that radiated from Mrs. Kim, something you felt in dots and dashed from Mrs. Jang. You knew the Jangs cared, but they didn't quite know how to care. You knew that the Kims had two kids however, an older daughter in college and a boy, sixteen and your age.
Younger you would be mentally cartwheeling in happiness at the thought of being under the care of Mrs. Kim, even if it was for a night. Older you couldn't care less.
Two years until I leave the fucking system for good.
You shifted uncomfortably as you gazed around the house. Wow. It was well decorated and definitely reflected the luxury that the Kims resided in. Everything in sight was in warm and inviting shades of color that made you feel very appreciative.
Interior design had always been a point of interest for you. You realized that there was a lot you could learn about a person from the way they designed their home.
Mrs. Kim turned to look at you. "Ah, you'll be in Seungmin's sister's room. I have told him to clean it up, so you won't have to worry about that. His father is out playing golf, but he'll be home soon too."
Mrs. Kim handed you a glass of water which you accepted with a genuine smile. You were gazing at the family portraits on the wall as you sipped quietly. The entire family looked like they were surrounded by an aura of calm, unbothered by the qualms of the world.
Oh how sweet would it be, to live like that.
"Can I- can I go change upstairs please?" you asked Mrs. Kim softly.
She looked up from the chopping board, lettuce diced evenly. "Oh, of course darling. No need to ask. As long as you're here, this house is yours."
"Seungmin!" she yelled to an unknown entity who must have been on the second floor of the house.
"Coming!" yelled back Seungmin.
The sweetness of his voice took you aback. Just one word made you crave to hear more. His voice was smooth and rich like honey, washing over you. You wondered if he had an inclination towards music, singing in particular; with a voice like that, it would be a shame if he wasn't.
Footsteps pounded down the stairs and a boy with a black t-shirt and grey sweatpants appeared in front of you and Mrs. Kim. He was cute, almost puppy like, with flappy hair and defined features. Seungmin bounded over to his mother and looked at you curiously.
"Seungmin, this is Y/N. Take her upstairs, will you?" Mrs. Kim asked.
"Okay," Seungmin replied.
You extended you hand. "Hello. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."
Seungmin accepted with a non-judgmental, but curious expression. Mrs. Kim visibly smiled into the large pot she was currently stirring, clearly amused at your outdated usage of language. You cringed internally, mentally cursing the British family that you were with for two years from the age of five for forcing you into greeting people this way.
"It's nice to meet you to," his warm hand grasped yours and let go with a firm shake.
"Come on," said Seungmin, cocking his head towards the stairs in front of you.
You followed his slowly, taking in the houses beauty. Somehow, everything worked with everything. This must have been artistic living.
Seungmin opened his sister's bedroom door and motioned you to go in. You gave him a small smile, if it could be called that, and shut the door. When you turned around, you were met with a lot of surprise.
When Mrs. Kim mentioned that Seungmin was cleaning up the room for you, you were prepared to face a light skimming and dusting of things. In reality though, everything was meticulously arranged and kept in it's place.
Such level of neatness was slightly terrifying.
You changed and kept your things to one side. When you came out, you went downstairs with the clear intention of trying to get a read on the enigmatic Kim Seungmin.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
This was going to be a disaster.
Both you and Seungmin were quiet by nature. Albeit for different reasons, you both sat awkwardly, waiting for the other person.
Seungmin was quiet because he liked observing. He was a listener, and enjoyed hearing what others had to say rather than talking himself. He found the art of listening to be the most brilliant that there was.
You, on the other hand, were forced into being quiet to the point where you forgot what it was like to hold meaningless conversation. All your life, you had been taught that the key to a successful life in the foster system was to remain submissive and deferential.
You never even bothered to make connections with people. You had learnt the hard way that when you bounced around houses and cities, it was difficult to maintain contact with people. You had made up your mind at just the tender age of eight that making friends, hell even acquaintances, was pointless. You were just saving yourself and the other person from future heartbreak.
As a result of being alone so much, you didn't exactly know how to hold conversation with people in your age range.
"So, uh, wanna do something?" Seungmin asked.
You shrugged. "Sure."
You both sat in his basement, a bowl of popcorn in between and half drunk iced tea beside you. Seungmin was very respectful, not once brining up your living situation. He brought the drink to his lips and downed the rest (which was very little) in one go.
"Okay, um, twenty questions?" He asked.
You instantly felt discomfort rise in you. Ah, here it was. His opening to ask you intrusive questions. "I- fine," you relented.
You were ready for whatever shade he was going to throw at you. He didn't ask about your personal life apart from the usual questions (favorite color, movie, etc.) a single time. You were slowly warming up to him.
"Last question. What's something you haven't told anyone?" asked Seungmin innocently.
You snorted, "Why would I tell you that?"
Seungmin smirked, "I mean, I'm very trustworthy. Plus, it's always better to tell your secrets to a stranger rather than a person you know."
You found it strange, but conceded. It felt nice to talk to someone after so long.
"You know the pillow I brought with me, right? That's the most important thing in my life. I was found near a train station laid on top of it, covered in a blanket and a sweater. Those were taken away from me a long time ago, but the pillow was something I fought to keep."
You finished nonchalantly, suppressing a laugh at Seungmin's expression of pure shock.
"I was expecting something along the lines of breaking something fancy or something. I mean, I was going to tell you about the time I broke into my parents liquor closet but chickened out and never drank anything."
You regarded him with a guarded smile. Kim Seungmin was an enigma, but for the first time in your life, he was one which you felt an odd temptation to solve.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
The second time you slept over at his childhood home was full of fear and anticipation that was directed towards your college entrance exams tomorrow.
Although the Jangs never formally adopted you, you had stayed with them for close to two years now. You formed an interesting bond with Seungmin: you weren't quite friends, but you understood each other on a deeper level.
Seungmin was easily the only person you would talk to. You both started engaging in combined study sessions, filled with silence interrupted only by a pen scratching against paper or a groan of frustration.
The night before, you needed to go to Seungmin's house to revise. Or rather, to confess.
You were pacing in his room as he lay on his bed. Seungmin was on his back, flipping through one of his textbooks. Finally, he let out a sigh.
"Alright. What is it?" he asked.
"I need to get the top score," you insisted. Seungmin looked at you with a raised eyebrow.
"Everyone does," he said matter of factly.
"No, everyone wants it, but I need it," you repeated.
Silence with Seungmin was never uncomfortable, post your initial interaction. Silence with Seungmin alleviated your tensions. This silence, however, felt pressing.
"Tell me something you have never told anyone," he asked you quietly.
The routine asking of this question had become a habit between you two now. Whenever you noticed that the other was shifty, holding something back, this was their cue to tell you what was wrong.
"I'm being selfish," you groaned, "I need to so that my name gets published somewhere, anywhere, so that my birth parents know I'm alive and find me. I'm not giving them the liberty of me searching for them. They lost that a long time ago. If they want me, it's them who need to look for me."
You plopped onto Seungmin's office chair and pointlessly spun in circles. He studied you carefully.
After a pause, he responded, "I'll be honest. You are being selfish. You want this, no, apparently need this for reasons that have nothing to do with your future studies, which is what college entrance exams are all about. But considering you situation, I believe it's completely justified."
You instantly felt at ease. This boy you only know for two years astoundingly always knew the right thing to say.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
You and Seungmin had the house to yourself. His parents were visiting his sister, helping her settle into her new apartment. You ads Seungmin had to share his room, the other rooms stored with his sister's things that needed to be moved.
You were practically asleep in his bedroom but an uneasy churning in your stomach kept you awake. You could hear Seungmin lightly open the door and step inside.
"Wait, I'm gonna go get the air mattress," he voiced in the dark room.
You turned towards him. "No, just sleep with me."
"You sure?" He asked.
Seungmin knew about your hesitancy towards forming attachments and committing. You hummed in affirmation, knowing that he would get little to no sleep on the air mattress and wouldn't let you sleep on it either.
He slid in beside you, his face facing yours. You both just looked into each other's eyes until you broke away, turning to the other side. Seungmin felt a part of his heart chip away for reasons he couldn't really identify.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
You felt bile work it's way up your throat and knew you wouldn't be able to suppress it. Carefully getting out of bed to make sure Seungmin didn't wake up, you made your way to the bathroom.
Routinely swallowing your vomit, you got to the bathroom and without even switching on it's lights, heaved out the contents of your stomach as quietly as possible.
Or so you thought. A drowsy Seungmin materialized at the doorway, turning on the light and watching you in concern. You flushed the toilet and violently splashed your face with water.
"Being half asleep is a very good look on you," he mumbled dryly.
"Likewise," you panted, an apologetic expression on your face.
You hated physical touch. Seungmin knew you hated physical touch. But when you reached over to lightly squeezed his hand as an apology, Seungmin felt a similar constriction in his chest.
To Kim Seungmin, you were a mystery he hadn't quiet solved, but he was still, willing to do anything for you, and the unfamiliarity of such a feeling scared him beyond belief.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
The third time you slept over at his childhood home was full of nostalgia and memories.
You both were twenty two, finishing up your undergraduates, when you mentioned to Seungmin in passing that you would be in town on your way for an assignment that would require you to travel. Seungmin jumped at the idea of you staying with him, since he was house sitting for his parents that very weekend.
Seungmin would be lying if he said that he wasn't hurt by your slowly decreasing contact. Conversation between you both slowly dwindled, but he never pried as to why. He understood that you rarely ever maintained an attachment, and that he was lucky for what he had.
You wondered what it would be like when you went back. The Jangs had never fostered a child after you, but never called you their daughter. They maintained contact with you but never attended events like graduation.
Still, deep down, at the end of the day, you knew you carried two things in your heart: Your now battered pillow and Seungmin.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
You both were sitting in his backyard, legs crossed over each other on Seungmin's folding chairs. Stars littered the sky the way they littered his eyes, and you couldn't help but be entranced by the wistful gaze that Seungmin held.
"Tell me something you have never told anyone," you asked, leaning your head over, near his shoulder. Just a few inches, and it would placed on it.
Just a few inches, and everything would mean something.
Seungmin knew his words carried gravity, but he was tired of walking on coal around you.
"I missed you," he said, a near whisper.
You stilled. "Your turn," came his voice after an eternity.
"I talk to my pillow sometimes. I pretend like it's a family member. It stopped, when I used to live here. But it grew in frequency during college. There is something inherently wrong with me, and I think that it's either me being undeserving of love or me never having been loved."
When your voice finally faded, Seungmin turned to look at you. Your eyes were glassy and unfocused. He wanted nothing more than to shake some sense into you, tell you that you were loved. Hell, he was proof, if you needed it.
"You're loved. If you weren't you wouldn't be here," Seungmin said hoarsely.
You snorted in response. "Yeah, I sure as hell wouldn't be here if I was loved."
Your words stung but Seungmin wasn't deterred. "I love you," he said softly.
Your eyes widened fractionally and you turned to look at him. "What?"
"No," he laughed, "Not that way. I love you as a friend, a confidant, as someone I know I can always talk too. Not... whatever it was you were thinking."
You visibly eased under the effects of his words, but noticed that Seungmin didn't do the same. His body was still tense, still rigid.
"What is it?" you asked.
"I- I know I said I love you as a friend but," Seungmin's voice faltered.
"But?" you prodded, your own heartbeat increasing with each passing moment.
"I would be falsifying my emotions if I said there weren't times when I wanted to love you in different ways as well. Romantically. Intimately. Devotionally," he added in an uncharacteristically shy tone, "If you'll have me."
And you realized, with a start that you did want him. But doubts started plaguing your mind, started seeping into your body and mixing with your being. What is the pain of it was so irreparable that you would never be able to love, if you ever could in the first place, again?
"What if I can't recognize your love for love?" you questioned meekly.
"Then I'll say it to you everyday. Platonically at first, romantically, maybe, afterwards, but I'll say it to you every single day. If every hour if you want me too. Because it's the truth."
You felt the warmth that accompanied thoughts of Seungmin blooming in the pits of your stomach. Or maybe it was the barbecued chicken you just ate. In the heat of the moment, you weren't quite that sure.
"And what if I can't love you? All I have ever known towards this world is hate."
"Then I'll teach you. We have all the time in the world to do so. If all you have known is hate, then love should come easily. They're very similar emotions," Seungmin said softly.
He hesitantly moved his hand towards yours, and laced his fingers through the pads of your knuckles. You did the same and moved you head to place it on his shoulder. Now, everything did mean something.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
The fourth time you had slept over at his childhood home, Seungmin taught you that love could be found in every aspect of the world.
It was hidden in the way sparrows flew towards each other in the summer, in the way mothers looked at their children and the way a child looked at candy. It came in droppings, reflected in the way you felt about rain and cherry blossoms.
Seungmin taught you how love was found in the grand and the simple.
Love was when he sent you large bouquets of roses that you had know idea where to keep and the surprise picnics you planned for him. It was the coffee he prepared for you every morning without question and the way you paused whatever you were watching when he had to step out for a phone call.
At the Kim house, you experienced even more love.
Sisterly love, when Seungmin's sister showed off the clothes she brought for you. Maternal love, when Mrs. Kim squealed in excitement when she spotted you holding Seungmin's hand. Paternal love, when Mr. Kim placed a bet against his team while giving you a wink. Brotherly love, when Seungmin's cousin tried to steal food off your plate.
You felt love everywhere, and slowly but surely, you spread love everywhere.
That night, Seungmin held you close and sang into your hair the way he did every night.
"I love you," he yawned, and snuggled into you.
And, you wanted to say it back. Mustering up the courage, you replied, "I think I love you too. No, I know I love you too."
Seungmin looked at you in astonishment and you realized that you were right all along.
He did have stars in his eyes.
You didn't know much about love. You were still learning, still faltering. But you knew one thing for certain: the love you held for Seungmin and the love he held for you would never go away.
please reblog and comment if you liked this fic! it means everything to me and I love reading your thoughts <3
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Dunmeshi characterization mumblings…
Laios tries. That’s the guiding principle of his characterization, to me. He tries more than he realizes. He thought he gave up during his years with the military but he never did. Something dragged him to Falin, after all.
He cares about people a lot and he wants to do well by them. This is usually specific people but also can be groups (eg the orcs or the residents of the Golden Kingdom). His hit rate on noticing what people like/want/need is not anywhere close to 100% but once he has locked something in he’s Locked It In.
He wants to be better than he is, and he isn’t always good at noticing what he does do well. Some part of him does want to run away, and he’s not always great at accepting that. He clashes with it, and doesn’t even always know whether he’s winning against it (framing his past of leaving Falin as running away when it wasn’t necessarily that simple). When he does self-reflect he can have a pretty dismal view of himself, and he prefers to act instead. This leads him to help as often as it leads him to step on toes, but it does very much do both. He’s working on getting better about this by post-canon though - on some level I think he’s aware that it’s not how he always wants to be.
He supports people by Physically Being There. Lots of worried dog laying their head on your lap energy. Voted most likely to stay by someone’s bedside until they wake up.
~
Marcille is still figuring out where she fits in the world. She's still figuring out who she wants to be. She can be extremely confident about some things, and completely doubt herself in other areas. She's got a little bit of fake-it-til-you-make-it charm. She DOES know what she's talking about, she just doesn't always know how to apply it. Very #gradstudentcore. She's still only just starting to explore the world beyond the safety of her parents or her school!
She has such a big heart and she emotes loudly, every time. That doesn't mean that she shows EVERYTHING she's feeling, but if she does show it, she shows it big. She loves romance and big gestures and the zest of life and people. She likes to meddle and snoop because she wants to know the whole story and wants to be in on it all. I think sometimes she might have trouble realizing that she's PART of the story, though. Like, she views her meddling gossip seeking as neutral or good acts, when they can affect people more than she realizes, and sometimes even hurt them.
In general she's not great at predicting the repercussions for her actions. I do think she reflects on herself, but sometimes she's trying to learn and do so much that some things get lost. She wants to be better, and she's always learning and growing and taking things in. I genuinely think that someday Marcille is going to be a little more sure of herself and a little more experience and she is going to be an AMAZING woman. She's just not always good at handling the fact that she can't just be THERE already.
She supports people by cheering them on. The force of Marcille Believing In You could give someone the power to move mountains. Yes, she does also fret and fuss over people in ways that can undermine that. But like the Marcille smile and "you got this" encouragement? Literally confers The Power Of Love.
~
Kabru... Kabru is building the future he wants to see. He's not very good at putting that work down, though (I know, workaholic Kabru characterization, deeply insightful). He can be prone to seeing himself more a part of the process of creating a better world, though, rather than a person who deserves to live in that world. Like, I think he'd be more likely to daydream about a statue or plaque dedicated to him than about himself actually just hanging out and being content.
He thinks about everything. I definitely don't think he's always manipulating people, but he is almost always observing. And since he's prone to following those observations to plans and ideas, he's not being great at turning off his Planning brain, and thus measures his words and actions even when he maybe... shouldn't be....
I don't think he'd describe himself as an "ends justify the means" person (he's very opposed to that way of handling things from the Canaries), but he is rather more concerned about the ends than the means. Bit of a hypocrite there, maybe? I do think his ends are kinder and more inclusive than the Canaries, though. So maybe it's something where he believes that if one has good enough ends, the means must be worth it. Especially since he directs the cost of those means at himself as much as possible. He views himself as expendable in pursuit of a worthy goal.
He is getting better about that but I don't know that he's consciously acknowledged that it's a problem. And so he's probably prone to relapse into those self-minimizing behaviors, especially given he very much has a new Goal to focus on with the kingdom.
Honestly, Kabru doesn't really self-reflect nearly as much as he might think he does. This is actually taking me a little by surprise as well. But he reacts more from emotions than logic in a few points in the story (esp the part where he stops Mithrun from killing Falin), and doesn't really... acknowledge that?
Maybe it's more accurate to say that he's kind of hit or miss with it. He is learning and growing all the time. But he's also something of a blind spot in his own excellent understanding of what makes people tick. Maybe he's better at understanding himself through the reflection of how other people see him.
He shows his support by making other people's lives easier. That might mean giving them a friendly ear, helping them navigate a tricky situation, or assuaging worries they didn't even realize that had. This isn't always true, but I think sometimes he might like some his support to be a little invisible. I don't think he has a problem with receiving praise and gratitude, but I also don't know that it does much for him, either. And being able to help without being noticed can help him hide the vulnerability of the depth of his attachment.
Also, Kabru would probably be more emotionally destroyed by one person helping him with something than a hundred people praising him for his help (but would claim he prefers to help and be appreciated for it).
#just some noodling! none of this is fully thought through I just felt like it might be fun to do some stream of consciousness writing#on these nerds and what I think they are like. and how I like to write them
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Tucker but he actually has some fucking character growth after his time as a diplomat with his son (inspired/based on the fic Lazarus Left the Tomb by Illusion_of_Sea_Axes on ao3 that I recommend reading even though it is not finished oh my god it is so good go read it)
Tucker but he learns how to use his sword since his diplomacy requires him to CONSTANTLY INTERACT WITH THE PEOPLE WHO MADE IT so as perks, the Sangheilios who like him teach him how to use it. Downside, he has to use it a lot since hostile Sangheilios are constantly trying to kill him and his son. Perk, Tucker gets really, really good at using his laser sword.
Tucker splitting from Junior before the desert temple because his kid deserves to have a normal childhood not completely ruined by war and fighting and trauma. (It's so much harder being away from his kid than he ever thought it would be).
Tucker holding his own at the desert temple for MONTHS without reinforcement and getting very good at strategizing, surviving off little, and spends a lot of time self-reflecting about his life (Blood Gulch, Junior, the UNSC, Sangheilios, his horrible flirting habits, how he doesn't want to die covered in sand). He ends up better for it.
Tucker coming to Chorus as a more mature, responsible, and respectful person as well as a skilled soldier. (He doesn't follow Wash's training regimen because a) it's funny to piss off Wash, b) he's pissed that Church left him and is taking it out on Wash and c) he has his own way of training that works much better for him and he despises the way Wash wants him to train.
Tucker joining the New Republic and being an incredible asset to them. His flirting has dialed down to something actually endearing and not fucking harassment and he's actually kind of suave and charismatic. He's kind to recruits and teaches them how he wished he was taught. He gets sent on missions not because he's the best they got, but because he's good at what he does. Felix actually struggling to slow Tucker down/sabotage the New Republic and has to put some actual effort into fighting him both when Tucker is trying to get approval for The Mission and when they have their knife fight at the tower. (Tucker holds back at the tower to get Felix more comfortable into rambling and lets himself lose. Getting stabbed was not part of the plan, but it ended up okay so it's fine.)
Tucker actually being a naturally good fighter and quick learner and a good leader who's genuinely smart and caring but still hides behind some version of a "cool guy" facade because old habits are hard to break.
Tucker doing his best to be the person he needed during his diplomacy, when all he wanted was someone to guide him and give him a plan or give him company when he was all alone in the desert. When all he wanted was protect his kid and make it out of each fight alive with his family still intact.
Tucker doing his best to be that for Chorus.
#lavernius tucker#rvb tucker#rvb#character analysis#they did my boy so dirty#i want to write a fic#i want to read a fic#can you tell he's my favorite?
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Chaos Theory review (characters' oriented review)
Since everyone is doing this, I thought I'd share my thoughts too because, to some extent, I feel like I'm in a minority here. In this post I'm going to focus mostly on the characters because there's a lot to say about the show in general and I don't have patience to write everything in one post.
spoilers under the cut
I said it yesterday and I will say it again: I absolutely loved Chaos Theory. It was action-packed, well-paced, dramatic and funny. It was everything I loved in Camp Cretaceous.
I'm especially grateful that they gave us a whole variety of emotions coming from all of characters.
I loved yasammy's conflict because it felt real and natural. Yas' PTSD being openly addressed was everything I hoped for (all of them have PTSD in some capacity but when it comes to Yas the execution was on the next level). And Sammy being fiercely overprotective over her girlfriend to the point it became too much?? That made so much sense because she had always been always protective but after the experiences in camp cretaceous, it is no wonder that this trait started to get out of her control. I don't know, it just made sense. I hope that in season 2 they go in detail about Sammy's family situation, I want her to talk about it with Yas. I'm really curious how it will play out and I can't wait to see Yas being super awesome supportive girlfriend.
I also really liked Darius and Kenji's relationship - I know, I know but hear me out. I actually enjoyed how the conflict(s) in their case seemed to keep piling up; they were growing like a fungus. I adored that little bit when Kenji mentioned that he stayed in touch with Darius' mother, while Darius didn't call her. I think it was incredible; such a small detail but tells you a lot about the years in their life that we didn't get to see.
While we are at it, I have to address the whole Darius and Brooklyn thing which I actually... didn't mind. I really didn't? And I don't mind that it was one-sided either. Maybe because it is the first (*cough*) openly addressed one-sided love story between the campers. I've always loved Darius and Brooklyn friendship, I genuinely believe that it was one of the strongest relationships in CC. It would be cool if they stayed platonic but really, I truly don't mind that one-sided love plotline. I wouldn't even call it a love triangle because to me it seems that Darius, to some extent, always knew that it was an unrequited crush, and I don't feel a sense of a privatization (between Kenji and Darius) either. You know what I actually liked about this situation? The fact that Darius didn't go to meet with Brooklyn because he was basically ashamed, embarrassed, and a little scared of his own feelings, of getting hurt. I feel like, in the long run, this is going to be incredible for his character development. Darius trying to run away from his own feelings to the point where he abandoned someone, where he tried hiding something from others? I genuinely think it added to his character and gave him additional depth. That's just my opinion though. I also think that even without that romantic plotline he would still call Brooklin after her "death". So to me, this really didn't change much other than adding more awkwardness and I had no trouble handling that (I always really liked visually the scene where Kenji and Darius were sitting in the bathtub. There was something pleasing about this)
Moving on to Kenji... Killing Daniel Kon so fast was certainly... a choice but. Kenji's reaction to his death was so well-done. It really highlighted the complex relationship that Kenji had with his father - someone he hated but who he also considered kind of a indestructible. His reaction was so heartbreaking and I was there for it.
And then there's also Ben. I'm gonna be honest - I am biased. I loved him before, I love him still so it feels unfair to write about him from my very biased perspective. Still - they could never make me hate him. I like how his character changed in so many ways but also stayed true to his core – he is adventurous and a little reckless (like a Jungle Boy that he was), and he is also soft and sensitive (that scene when he was crying when he was hiding under the truck broke me). I'm extremely curious about his background story that we barely touched upon - it is obvious that he had been living in that van for a while, which is interesting considering how he used to live on the campus and (let me remind you that) he has a loving mother that would surely support him if he decided to take a break just because he needs a break. From the looks of it, Ben seemed to be living on his own for a while – was his obsession with "being hunted" the only reason? or was there more? many questions. I am also a bit... sceptial about his girlfriend. The first time he mentioned her was not convincing to say at least, not to mention that apparently he had been living without his phone for a while now - were they talking online all this time or what? Idk, if he really has a girlfriend then first of all - the screenwriters are cowards, second of all - the relationship doesn't seem super-convincing for now.
Bonus: Mateo is one of the best characters introduced in the show, for me, he beats even Mae. He was perfect, actually perfect, I loved him. I really hope we will see him again in season 2 (above taking care of Bumpy) because I really liked his agency and his character arc.
Overall: I feel like your final review of CT depends heavily on what you tend to focus on while watching the show, and what you like in shows in general. I don't mind drama as long as it doesn't interfere with characters' personality. And I feel like a lot of choices they made in CT actually makes sense for these characters. I think it is also important to remember that this was - from what I understand - planned as a two-seasons long shows from the beginning which means that a lot of loose ends and decisions may not make sense yet but they will eventually be developed in season 2 (which would be awesome, we love consistent writing)
anyway, I only watched CT once for now, so don't quote me. I'm sure that I will have more thoughts later
#camp cretaceous#jwcc#jurassic world camp cretaceous#jurassic world#jurassic world chaos theory#chaos theory#chaos theory spoilers#jurassic world chaos theory spoilers#jwct spoilers
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Mr. & Mrs. Hunt (Chapter 4)
Mini-Series Summary: Two of the most stubborn people in the group partnered together for an undercover mission are also the two people with the most hatred for each other, so what could go wrong? Or is it, what COULDN’T go wrong?…
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger Reader
Word Count: 3900+
A/N Note: Only a few more chapters to go (I think, but we're both lost on how long this series will be.) Thank you guys for reading and as always, thank you for the love and support!
____________
Chapter 4:
Y/N's POV
It wasn’t him. It was 100% me. I did this to myself. I built a wall so quickly around him because I didn’t want to like the man behind my misery.
My teammates knew enough about my backstory to think they had an idea of my reason for joining SHIELD: helping the little guy because, at one point, you were the little guy—the manipulated guy—the one who no one saved, so you had to save yourself—and now anyone else who can’t do it for themselves.
Yet, there were so many other things I kept for myself, and things files couldn’t tell you. No files existed of them, and I’m glad because I didn’t want the pity.
James Buchanan Barnes was the reason behind my abuse. Not personally, but my abuser was obsessed with his accomplishments under the German and Russian terrorist organizations and wanted to make a female, more skilled, discrete, and sleeker version of the Winter Soldier.
Who fucking didn’t, right? God, every goddamn evil bastard on this godforsaken shit show of a planet wants to remake something that was a once in a lifetime kind of thing and crack more than a few eggs to get to that point. Selfish asshole…
Being constantly compared to him and then beaten for not hitting the unreachable mark of the man I was ‘of no comparison to’ after years of trying to hit that standard, and then being asked to be on a team with him? A lot of emotions hit me like a train when I got that news.
Will I amount to being the trained spy and agent I am for Shield with him by my side? Will he make me look like a completely pointless addition to the team? After five years of already working with the Avengers and then learning who the Winter Solider was? Steve’s best friend and probably the only person he could relate to in their journey? All the way to having to work with him… The change-up was instantaneous, where I would have begged for baby steps.
Then again, when has the world made it easy for me?
So yes. I was an ass and kept him further than arm's length away to stay safe from learning that he was a good guy when I wasn’t ready to like him yet. I had a lot of trauma I never thought I’d have to work through with the infamous man himself, and that irritation and annoyance just continued when he finally matched my energy, and we never strayed from that relationship until… now.
And here he was, genuinely asking what HE did wrong when I was the reason for our enemies’ plot line.
“Bucky, I don’t think I can talk about this right now,” I breathed out slowly, feeling the tears prick in my eyes.
It had been a minute since I cried and felt this vulnerable, and I couldn’t seem to stop it. I think subconsciously, I didn’t want to stop it, but my mind was begging my body to hold out until he was out of the room.
“Y/N, if I did something to you, I didn’t realize-”
“You wouldn’t have known,” I whisper, not trusting my voice to stay steady, but also not wanting to put anymore of the blame on him from here on out.
He wasn’t a bad guy.
He had proved himself time and time again to be a really good guy. Even when he broke and decided he hated me back, he still had his moments when he put it aside and showed chivalry. I admired him for it even when I ignored the admiration.
Makes it hard to fully hate a guy who made sure ladies weren’t opening any doors for themselves. Or a man who remembered Morgan’s birthday and bought her an ice cream cake before stealing Steve’s shield to sled down a hill her dad told her not to. Or a man you treat like absolute shit 99% of the time, and he still checks on you when you have nightmares, and he grabs water and an ice pack and helps you even out your breathing before waiting for you to go back to sleep.
I didn’t ask him for the help, and he never mentioned the handful of times he fell into the routine of soothing me back to sleep. Never brought it up, never made me feel like I owed him, and never hinted at remembering such kindness.
But now?
“You wouldn’t have known why it started this way to begin with. And you likely won’t,” I sigh, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth before turning around; a lot more put together, even if it was just a mask I had learned to put on most of my life.
“I don’t understand,” Bucky furrowed his eyebrows at my disposition.
“I don’t expect you to, but maybe we should go to sleep and talk about it later. It’s getting late, and you have to go to your ‘job’ tomorrow,” I say with hand quotes. “We have to keep the ruse going.”
“A few hours of sleep doesn’t affect me,” Bucky shook his head, and I could see him itching to put his hands back on me, but he held back. “Please. I need to know what the hell I did.”
“Again, Bucky,” I say sternly this time, all emotion I’m struggling to keep at bay shoved down. “You are not at fault, and tomorrow I’ll talk to you, but for now, I need to sleep on it.”
He read my face for lies, and I kept it neutral. I wasn’t going to break here. Now was not the time. I needed space to think about how I was going to approach this after so long of avoiding it and being put on the spot wasn’t going to work for me.
“Ok,” he said, softer than I think I ever heard him talk. His eyes were soft and sensitive, and I didn’t know how I felt about it…
He turned and walked out of my room, gently shutting the door behind him and turning off the overhead light he had originally flashed on.
I didn’t instantly head straight to bed. I stared at the doorway in the dark, seeing the faint silhouette of the barrier between us. He was still on the other side, and I could hear his heart rate higher than normal.
This was affecting him more than I thought it would. Why was he so worried about what I thought of him? He didn’t seem bothered by my disinterest in the past. Or at least I didn’t figure he did.
____________________
When I woke up, Bucky was already gone. His truck, normally in the driveway, was missing, and I knew he had taken off for our mission report.
Thankful, I took the time to make my coffee, sit on the front porch, and watch the neighborhood take on its morning routine.
People were on runs with their family dogs, moms were doing their morning walks with strollers, some neighbors were out already tending to their gardens, and everything suburban seemed to be on track.
Towards the end of my cup, I notice Ms. Bauer coming back from her jog she must have taken earlier than the others.
“Oh, hello, neighbor!” she shouted when she spotted me, uniformly checking our house like her head was on a swivel if she heard a pen drop in it.
Still in her jog, she sashayed over to my lawn, and I mumbled, “Here we go,” smiling at her as she followed the sidewalk to our steps.
“How are you doing today, Bethanne?” I grin standing from my patio chair and going down the steps to meet her at the bottom of the flight. “Is there a run club I didn’t know about? You’re the 10th person I’ve seen getting a head start on their steps for the day.”
She laughed and waved a hand at me before taking an earbud out, pausing her music on her watch, and placing her hands on her hips as she looked up at me.
“There is actually a mommy and me walking club on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Depending on the weather, of course, but who knows,” she grinned up at me. “Maybe you can be joining it sooner than you thought.”
“Maybe not as soon as you think,” I laughed, holding my mug tighter with both hands so I wouldn’t strangle her instead and leaning on the banister. “We wanted at least a year in the house by ourselves before we add another set of feet to the chaos,” I scrunch my nose and add, “but I’m excited for the day Beau and I have a mini-version of us running around here.”
“Speaking of Beau,” she grins, looking to the driveway. “Where is he today? He’s usually home with you most of the time, right?”
“Oh, it was time for him to get back to work. He took off for a few weeks to get moved in and spend time with me before we had to get back to the real world,” I answer as planned.
“That’s right. I think I remember you guys talking about that at the first block party,” she nodded, watching me carefully for slip-ups. “Can you believe it’s only been two weeks of you guys here? I feel like you two have been a part of the community for at least a year.”
“You’re sweet,” I gush convincingly and look out to the neighborhood for effect. “You guys have really taken us in as your family, and you don’t know how much I appreciate it. We appreciate it,” I correct and look off in the distance like I’m thinking of my sweet, doting husband when, in reality, I was thinking of the day this mission was over and I could carry on with my normal life. “I don’t think I’ve mentioned this. Beau isn’t one to really talk about it, but his family life wasn’t the best. They’ve practically been strangers since he turned 18.”
“Oh, is that so?” she inched up, feeding on the new (fake) information.
I nod. “When we started dating, my family took him in as his own- well, I only had my dad around for most of my life, but they got along really well. He passed three years ago,” I give a tight-lipped look as I look down at my feet in sadness. “They developed a bond, which wasn’t hard considering who my dad was. He was the best, though we might be biased in thinking that. Taught Beau how to do a lot of things dads are supposed to teach their sons. Well,” I sniffle for added effect. “Anyway, we’re kinda on our own now. No extended family we’re close with, and with my dad’s passing, it’s really just us. So when I say we’re grateful for y’all’s hospitality, I mean it.”
She seemed to buy it, as much as an undercover convict could, and smiled kindly up at me before placing a hand on my arm.
“Of course, sweetheart. We’re just lucky you two are some of the good ones. You’d be surprised who’s come in and hasn’t made the cut. Lawns in disarray, unfriendly attitudes, and you know the list,” she winks and rolls her shoulders back before stretching in her spot. “Speaking of being lovely neighbors, how would you and Beau feel about a dinner at our house? Reggie and I have been talking about having you over for quite some time now, and I think we can finally host.” Before I could ask, she stopped me and explained. “Kitchen renovation. It was and still is a pain in my ass, but it should be doable for a small dinner.”
“That sounds lovely,” I beam as much as I could act. It was the perfect next step, and the bait had been taken, but a part of me wanted to settle things with Bucky in our personal dispute before we put on our masks for the two main perpetrators. “Let me check with him and see what his schedule will look like now. He’s getting some new orders today, and some things are changing in the company. We’ll know more tonight. But we will for sure make it work.”
___________
After Bethanne told me some useless neighborhood gossip, she excused herself, and I went back inside to get ready for the day and consider how I would approach Bucky on our issue.
I knew it was time to be truthful, even if I dreaded it. Bucky had proven time and time again that he wasn’t the enemy, and I needed to deal with my issues. I was tired of wasting energy on hatred and anger, and these last two weeks proved that Bucky wasn’t the one who should have been receiving the blunt force end of my trauma.
I had until four in the evening to come up with an idea of how I wanted to go about it, but I had stress cleaned instead and couldn’t come up with a non-terrifying way to approach this life-changing conversation.
Finally, I found it best we get dinner in the town over (as not to have any peaking eyes or eavesdropping ears as we dive into my life story I hadn’t indulged to near anyone before), and I would talk to Bucky there. However, plans changed when Bucky came home.
From my spot in the kitchen, I heard him shout in his domesticated voice across the street, “No, that sounds perfect! We’d love to!” The door opened just as he finished his sentence, and his voice became clearer.
I moved around the island and slowly walked toward the door to get a view of who he was talking to, and I noticed Bethanne at her mailbox waving to Bucky.
I furrowed my eyebrows at the obvious commitment he put us in, and after he waved back, he shut the door behind him, looking at me, and dropped the act quickly.
“What did you just agree to?” I asked, nodding my head behind him.
He looked me up and down, and I almost forgot I had picked a new, semi-fancier sundress for our “surprise anniversary dinner” (at least the front I was trying to put on for getting out of town without too much suspicion).
(Make whatever color you please or change it in your mind if you want! I'm choosing to pick it as a darker red.)
“You look nice,” he says as his eyes trail back up to my own, and I swear I see him take a gulp.
“What did you agree to?” I asked again, focused more on what he had decided for us regarding Bethanne.
His previous shocked face faded away, and he rolled his eyes slightly before throwing his work bag to the side.
“Bethanne invited us to dinner. I said yes because we need to build a relationship with them,” he replied stoically, as if my question was dumb and pointless.
I just stared at him and let my “personal vendetta” look rest on my face. He studied me and had the decency to shrink ever so slightly.
“What?”
“What happened to discussing things first?” I said in an eerily calm voice.
“I didn’t think accepting dinner at a home we’ve been trying to get inside of for the last two weeks is something we’d have to discuss.” And now he straightens up, throwing his empty arms to the side.
A few seconds later, I yelled, “You dipshit!” in a muffled grunt, keeping my voice down as much as I could handle and balling my fists in anger.
His eyebrows shoot up and he huffs with his chest puffed out as he marches to me. I see the intent in his eyes, and I start walking away towards the opposite room closest, needing a minute not to lose my shit, and if I have to look into his stupid azure eyes like he wants to read everything passing through my mind, I’ll break.
“Don’t walk away from me,” he growls, and I shoot him a look over my shoulder as I shift my pace and head down the hallway to the bedrooms. “Y/N, stop being a stubborn ass and-”
“Unless you want a heel thrown at your head, and you’re welcome for being civil about this, I suggest you leave me alone,” I shout behind me, turn sharply to the left, and go to my room.
“I don’t even know what THIS is! You looked at me like you wanted to kill me when I walked in, and I haven’t even talked to you today besides updates about work,” he said just as I slammed the door in his face. “Oh, real mature. Shut the door like an adolescent. Wait, I forgot. You are one…” He mumbles the last part and I hear him lean on the door.
Instantly, I whip the door open, and he doesn’t have time to predict his next move. He falls flat on his back on the wood floors of my room, only padded by a thin oriental rug I made Tony buy me.
He’s winded from the fall and clutches his chest as I bend down next to him and say, “I said. Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone.” I stare at him for a second, solidifying my threat. I stand to walk out and only give him a glance as I pass the doorway.
_____________
Bucky’s POV:
I left her the fuck alone.
I may have been royally pissed (that is a blatant ass understatement), but something about the look in Y/N’s eyes told me not to push unless I wanted to wake up with my head no longer attached to my body.
I was too scared to leave her room in fear I’d run into her when she wasn’t ready and risk taking the chances of the guillotine earlier, so I sat on her bed and tried to rack my brain to where I slipped up to cause whatever the hell I walked in to…
I knew almost instantly and realized what a stupid, simple mistake it was. Bethanne asking me to dinner set her off, I knew. But her comment about talking with each other before making decisions told me my mistake.
Something happened I didn’t know of, and I may have just fucked whatever it was up. As for what it is? No goddamn clue. But using context clues and just basic reading of the body language, Y/N had already made a plan, and I threw it out the window, likely.
I heard footsteps before I could think further, and Y/N appeared in the doorway, taking a deep breath. She would have convinced me she was going to be civil if it wasn’t for her history, but I was excited to see which lane she chose.
“One thing before I bite my tongue,” she says in almost a whisper, like she’s trying to keep her frustrations at bay. “You make me want to shave my head like Britney Spears in 2007 75% of the time. This moment was almost a tipping point for that kind of outcome..” She lets out a long breath like she passed the test of keeping it together.
Surprisingly a lot more tame than I was expecting.
“Glad you got that out of your system. Now, please tell me what the hell happened?” I asked, keeping my guard up in case she resorted to her typical insults and fury.
“Oh, now you want to communicate,” she mocks and walks to the bed, harshly sitting next to me but leaving a copious amount of space between us.
I let it slide because I know she’s fighting bigger demons, like the urge to insult me, until I personally dig my own grave and say goodbye to my cruel reality.
“Bethanne was goading us,” she answers, thankfully getting right to the point. “Something about her proposition seemed off, and I wanted to clear some things up with you before we jumped on the offer.”
I nodded my head, seeing that my instantaneous reply wasn’t thought out. That was on me, yes, but she also reacted extremely dramatically, expressing an odd feeling about the interaction instead of hard proof.
“What did she ask, and what was off about it?” I question, trying to stay mission based because something seemed off still.
“It wasn’t what it was but how she was asking. Something in her tone and the way she was looking at our house and me. Like she was trying to take in detail after detail up close. Checking for cracks in the foundation,” she answers and turns to me just slightly. “She also said her kitchen was under renovation, and something felt off about it.”
“The vibes about our neighbor getting a kitchen renovation made you knock the wind out of me when you opened your door?” I said before I could think, but I didn’t budge, my furrowed eyebrows aimed at her.
She matches my glare and turns her body fully to me.
“It seemed like an excuse,” she answers slowly.
“To what? Host a dinner? That’s kind of the opposite effect. Who would want to host a dinner when you have kitchen renovations? It means they trust us if they’re willing to let us see a house that’s not perfect like the front they put on.”
‘That’s what you get from it, but I think they just planted a little seed of their own.”
“What do you even mean?”
“Kitchen Reno? That’s an excuse to say, ‘Oh, Charlotte, I can’t cook the chicken pot pie I was going to make for you two because our new oven hasn’t been delivered and installed yet. You know? Because we have the kitchen under renovation? I completely forgot,’” She acted in a convincing Bethanne impersonation and then quickly turned back to serious.
“You got that from a kitchen reno comment?” I deadpanned after a minute.
“I got that from understanding women masterminds who know how to manipulate a situation. I am that woman, so I think I can read them pretty well,” she says confidently back.
Touché.
“And what if you’re wrong?” Her bitchface grew at my question.
“First off, I’m not. Second off, even if I was wrong, we are supposed to consult each other about accepting invitations into the house of our suspect enemies,” she ran a hand through her hair, which I notice now looks styled differently. Did she curl it or have it blown out? And yes, I know what a blowout is. I have women friends and coworkers.
Yeah… I was in the wrong here, and that’s on me. I wasn’t thinking. I also had a long day snooping around for more information about this whole operation, but it isn’t necessarily an excuse… It’s not like I haven’t worked on a case like this in the past. I mean, minus being fictitiously married to a coworker.
“I’m sorry,” I say, and she gives me a weird look. “What?”
“I wasn’t expecting an apology,” she says, standing slowly and straightening her dress.
“I know when to accept I made a mistake,” I shrug and stand as well.
She studies my face like there's a retort that’s going to follow, but I just stare at her silently, communicating that I’m set on my apology.
“Ok…” she drags out, watching me as she steps toward the door. “Well, I guess we need to get ready for tonight. Considering we have dinner. With our neighbors. And we need to set up bugs if possible.”
“Guess so,” I nod, crossing my arms.
She stops suddenly and looks at me with a look of realization. “You’re in my room.” She steps to the side, leaving room for me to leave, and avoids eye contact.
She’s still acting weird, but I need to change and get my head in the game for tonight, so I walk out with a subtle head nod as I leave.
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15. Well, I've been afraid of changin' 'cause I've built my life around you
Masterlist - Previously - Next
Chapter soundtrack: Landslide - Fleetwood Mac
You were a bundle of nerves, barely able to sleep that night, too busy mentally preparing scenarios about all the ways meeting Charles’ family could go wrong. You hadn’t even dared to move during the night, scared of waking up your boyfriend who was sound asleep by your side. He needed every bit of sleep he could get. So, as soon as the sun had started to rise, you had left the bed and gone on a run along the harbor, enjoying the peace and quiet there.
It felt nice to be able to sort out your thoughts on your own, trying to find a sense of belonging, a new purpose in life, but you couldn't shake off the feeling of failure. It was a tough pill to swallow. You knew it was your fault, you knew that you shouldn’t have told your boss about your affair with Charles as soon as the first sparks started to ignite between the both of you. You had been a coward, you had been scared to lose everything but in the end, it had happened. Now, you didn’t know where life would take you but also, for the first time in your life you had the opportunity to do things for yourself without the pressure of a lingering promise or without feeling the need to make your parents proud. You could do something for you. You just needed to find what it would be.
When you came back home an hour later, you were surprised to see Charles attempting to prepare breakfast even if the kitchen was looking like a warfield. Pancakes’ batter was spread on the counter but it didn’t prevent Charles to casually smile at you, unbothered by the mess around him.
“I missed you in bed this morning.”
“I woke up early and decided to go on a run.” you explained as you poured yourself a glass of water.
“We could have gone together.”
“I needed to clear my mind. Between my job, or more the lack of, and our relationship made public and now how I’m going to meet your family in less than two hours… It's a lot.” you sighed, sitting on a chair as he handed you a plate of fluffy pancakes, something you weren’t expecting considering the mess in the kitchen, a cup of fruit and a freshly brewed coffee. “I’m scared. I’m terrified, even.”
“Why?”
“What if your mom doesn’t like me? What if your family doesn’t accept me? Because after all, why would they when my own family is rejecting me and pretending I don’t exist….” you gulped, feeling tears prickling behind your eyelids, making you look away. It hurt to admit it out loud and you suddenly felt very stupid.
“Y/N…” he kneeled in front of you, taking your hands in his. “My family is not like yours, thankfully. They just want to see me happy and guess what? You make me very happy. That’s all that matters to them.”
You nodded, unable to find the right words to express how much you needed to hear these words. But still, you were barely able to eat anything and when you finally left for the yacht, your legs were nothing but jelly.
Charles briefly stopped at a grocery store to pick up some food while you were waiting for him in the car. You quickly noticed the army of fans who were waiting for him and you watched him taking his time to sign caps and take pictures with everyone. You gulped. How could you have ever thought he was not genuine? You barely noticed people taking pictures of you inside the car, too focused on your boyfriend.
“Hey, mister popular.” you smiled when he came back inside the car, a sheepish smile on his face.
“Sorry… I didn’t think we would get noticed so easily.”
“I suppose I have to get used to that.”
“I’m sorry.” he linked his fingers to yours and drove away from the crowd.
When you arrived at his yacht, you were glad to notice you were the only ones. You helped Charles prepare everything until Charles saw his older brother and his girlfriend arriving, followed by Arthur and Carla as well as Pascale, Charles’ mom. Charles went to greet them, not noticing how your body froze and your breathing became more and more shallow. You gripped to the first chair you found, trying to calm yourself down and praying to not faint in front of them. You closed your eyes, your ears ringing and gulped. It was hot outside, too hot and you barely heard Charles’ voice calling for you before you felt your eyes rolling backwards, your body doing the same.
Waking up, you expected to see the worried face of your boyfriend but instead, it was his mom who was looking at you, a towel soaked in icy water on your forehead. You were inside the yacht, away from the sun and the noise. You could hear muffled voices on the outside. You didn’t know what to say, words begging to come out of your mouth but you didn’t know where to begin. What an amazing first impression you had made. Sensing your distress, pascale put her hand on yours, squeezing it gently.
“You scared everyone out there, darling. How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Water? My son?” she smiled.
“This is not how I planned to meet you…” you stuttered, your voice sore.
“It’s a first meeting to remember for sure. I’m glad you’re okay. Charles told me a lot of things about you.”
“I’m sorry.” you apologized, thinking about how you had treated Charles at first and being sure that his mom knew. “I wasn’t the nicest with your son.”
“Don’t apologize. It makes me happy that not everyone treats him like a god. It’s good for his ego.” she winked. “Of course when he told me you were a journalist I got scared but I'm not one to judge without getting to know you first. and I trust my son… he loves you a lot. ”
“I love him a lot too.”
“I know. No one would make the choice of putting their career at risk for someone if they had no real feelings for them. That's how I know Charles is between good hands, in a happy, loving and healthy relationship. That’s all I want for him.”
She put her hand on your cheek, removing a strand of hair and putting it behind your ear. It wasn’t much, but it had been so long since someone had acted so motherly around you that it was enough to make you cry.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to overstep.”
“You didn’t.” you quickly reassured her. “It’s just… I’m not used to people being affectionate around me.” you briefly explained.
Pascale gave you a tender smile before leaving you to rest. You felt bad about sleeping for a good part of the afternoon while Charles was having fun with his family but around dinner you were feeling much better. You took a deep breath and went out seeing Lorenzo and Pascale preparing the table. You slowly approached as the mother saw you and gave you a big smile.
“Can I do something?” you asked.
“You can sit, we’re done with it.” Pascale replied.
“And I don’t think my brother would appreciate us making you work. I’m Lorenzo, by the way. We didn’t have time to meet.” you saw a glimpse of playfulness in his eyes that made you blush.
Thankfully you didn’t have time to add anything as Charles was walking to you, embracing you, a hand on your cheek, checking for the slightest sign of you being weak or in pain.
“Im’ okay, Charles.” you smiled.
“You sure? How is your head? You tell me if you don't feel good, alright?”
You nodded before kissing him as Arthur, Carla and Charlotte were coming in your directions. As dinner progressed and laughter filled the table, you couldn’t help but notice how they were all close to each other. There was so much love there that it made you think about your own family. You looked down on your fingers and apologized, pretending to need to go to the bathroom. You locked yourself in and looked at your reflection in the mirror. You couldn’t help but feeling like an intruder in this family, you weren’t fitting. And that hurt you so much. You heard a few knocks and Charles’ voice outside. You sprayed some water on your face, to try to make you feel more alive and opened the door.
“You’ve been in there for the past fifteen minutes… I was starting to get worried.”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you?”
It’s just… It’s very stupid. I wasn’t expecting your family to be this… family oriented? It just showed me what a family is supposed to look like and it hit home a bit too close. And it’s not your fault. It’s just a reminder of what I will never have and I wasn’t ready to face it. Luc's death broke my family apart when your dad’s death only brought yours closer. I guess… I’m jealous and sad.”
“I understand you and I didn’t think you could feel like that. I’m sorry.”
“I wasn't expected it either.”
“You know… we can be your new family. I you want.”
Your ride back to the apartment was made in silence. You were tired and despite your little fainting, you had a nice evening. Your conversation with Charles had helped you making you feel less awkward and more at ease around his brothers and mother. You had fun. You even exchanged phone numbers with Carla and Charlotte promising to meet someday soon for a coffee or a shopping session. When Charles finally parked his car and as you were about to leave, he stopped you.
“Do you want to come to Zandvoort with me?” he blurted out, avoiding your gaze and you were almost sure he was blushing.
You bit your lower lip, hesitating.
“It’s going to be weird for me to be in the paddock without a media badge… And that would mean that it would be our first official outing as a couple. It would make things really official.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“No… it’s just scary. But at the same time, it would be wrong of me to say that I don’t want to have access to the Ferrari’s hospitality and garage the way I want to.” you cheekily added, making him laugh.
“As long as you promise me to not snoop around.”
“You are asking a lot from me.”
Being on a race weekend without your team, without any interviews to prepare, without your laptop was a foreign feeling, something you were not used to anymore. It was also making you vulnerable, you were not in control of the situation anymore, you had to match your pace to Charles’. You didn’t want to be considered as Charles’ puppy who would follow him around because you had nothing better to do. You were scared to feel bored and out of place, you didn’t want to sit around and wait for him. You wanted to feel useful.
“I promise you, we will find you something to do. Meanwhile, I have a gift for you.” he said, awkwardly standing in front of you.
“Charles… why?”
“Because I wanted to. And because I know that these past few weeks have been tough on you and I just want you to feel loved and cared for…”
“You don’t need to give me anything, I know you love me, you don’t need to prove to me anything.”
“I want to.” he replied, fumbling in his pocket to retrieve a jewelry box and handing it to you. You took it, noticing the blush on his face spreading to his neck. Opening it you almost gasped. It was a thin silver necklace, delicate and simple with the number sixteen made of tiny little diamonds.
“Charles… gosh, it’s beautiful. But… you really shouldn't have…”
“I know but…I wanted you to have something from me when I wasn’t around, so you know that even if I am not right next to you, I’m still with you. It’s cheesy…”
“It’s not. It’s sweet. Can you put it on me?”
You felt his hands shaking around your neck as he placed the jewel around you.
“It’s really beautiful.” you said as he kissed the back of your head, telling you they had to go for the first free practice of the session.
She could see the crowd waiting for Charles to get out of the car, making her gulp and second guessing her decision to follow him.
“I can come back later if you don’t want to attract the attention more than necessary…”
“I don’t want to hide you. Not anymore.” he simply said. “Do you trust me?”
“More than anyone else.”
He nodded and got out of the car before quickly coming to your door to open it and handed his hand for you to take. His grip was firm and you knew that you didn’t have to worry. So, you took a deep breath and you chin high, you walked right next to him as flashes from cameras almost blinded you and screams from the fans were almost making you deaf. But you wouldn’t back down. You were ready.
Author's note: What a pole, what a qualifying session it has been! I'm so happy so let's celerate with this chapter! Daghe Charles!
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I love that you went from the watchers being this mildly terrifying force that doesn’t realize they’re terrifying (and traumatizing Grian) side eyeing that one 3L comic you made about the watchers making it a “game” for Grian (still very much thinking about the “yaaaaay you won!”) to now Oh My Gosh A Tiny Being Can We Adopt Him pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease
ehehe i was trying to get my footing !!
I think I have a grasp now on how I like writing them now ....
However !! The Watchers still very much traumatize Grian, even though they genuinely do love him, I've said that since the beginning, thats their babeyyyyyyyy Watcher, but still a Watcher nonetheless.
Aethers not exactly excused from this either, she loves him and cares abt him, but shes an angel, she just doesn't understand.
She has an issue with..... Toxic positivity ? Shes not very confrontational and doesn't want to have hard conversations with him, its easier to hide things or just comfort him by rubbing his back or hair when hes upset.
When Grian asks to visit Evo again early on, she already knows all the players have left, but lets him see for himself anyway. Its like when a kid begs to eat something like cocoa powder, not understanding how bitter it is, so you just let them.
So its not a big deal to her, but is to Grian, its the horrifying realization that he is completely alone, all of his friends left, he feels abandoned and betrayed. All good things must come to an end though, she says, nothing lasts forever, except us ! haha !
Not to mention the purposeful sleep deprivation and isolation, the full control over what he eats, where he goes, what he does. Its not very fun being a kid, its hard and no one understands.
Aether didn't originally want to be a parent, nor was she exactly ready for that, so she just did a lot of things that were normal to her, what she went through or what other Watchers had told her.
But ! She does care abt him, enough to bend the rules just a tinyyy bittttt sometimes bc ~technically shes allowed to since he's her kid, yes he can go home if he has a headache or eat fish if he asks for it wym.
Theres also Flora, his aunt, she has no interest in kids and sees Grian just as a Watcher in training, this means she's a lot harder on him, but bc he's her sister's kid she doesn't act on this all the time. She also projects her own issues on him, how can you survive or do anything in life if you're not strong ? Here fight this phantom creature you've literally never seen before. Thats as far as their relationship goes, she teaches him to fight. She pets his head sometimes anyway.
(kind of like how parents will sometimes force their kids to play sports, or take extra classes, or get frustrated with you over math and you cry over disappointing them)
I don't think the Watchers are intentionally evil, but I don't think they're goofy dumb birds with baby fever either, they're complicated !! There something abt how people who love you can hurt you, and religion can try to save you and it'll doom you instead.
(ok they can be a little bit dumb birds sometimes, but they're also righteous angels at the same time)
Its also kinda scary being 25 years old, and then being brought to some place you thought you had equal grounds on, but everyone is taller/stronger and treats you like a child or even a pet, that alone would have some side effects, i imagine.
They're very fun to write abt.
Grian also doesn't often get to see the sun.
#edit: OH I HOPE I DONT SOUND MAD OR ANYTHING !!! I JUST WANTED TO RAMBLE !! <3 /LH#ask#THEY'RE VERY INTERESTING TO ME !!!!! i devote so much time just rotating watchers in my brain#theres also something in there abt being neurodivergent and not fitting into society. you end up traumatized regardless#<- cubito grian is autistic to Me#the watchers have a profound effect on grian's emotional state#the little xelqua stuff is just for me <3 silly side adventure things#evoau
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Camila horror thoughts. In the horrifically fraught family horrors sense of the term.
What if Vee has specifically warned Camila about Hunter, told her all about what he specifically has done in order to give her a heads up, in a way naturally coloured by the views she has (not unreasonably) built up around Hunter because of all the stuff she's done.
So naturally she's got this wariness of Hunter that does not compute when she sees how genuinely caring he is with Luz even if logically she knows people can act remarkably differently in different contexts and none of it negates all the stuff he did with The Basilisks for Belos. But Camila is still pretty sure that Luz doesn't know, and is terrified that if she knew it might destroy something that she is desperately reliant on, her relationship with Hunter. It probably wouldn't, Luz could probably live with that since well horrible nightmare trauma soulmates and by Luz's standards she's done just as bad in a similar context but Camila and Luz keeping secrets for almost the exact same reason (to protect the people they love from horrors they are too insane to be affected by) appeals to me.
But the problem now arises, Camila's told Luz that she has adopted another kid, and Luz in the spirit of trying her best to reach out does want to see Vee or have her visit with Camila next time she comes or something like that since like, thats a normal thing to do on reconnecting with your estranged mother and finding out you have an adopted sister you've never met.
Vee, bless is not going along with that "don't tell Luz how horrible Hunter is since she is hopelessly codependent on him" bullshit at all. Camila knows that, Vee knows that. Camila knows she cannot ethically or reasonably expect Vee to not spill all of Hunter's darkest secrets to Luz in an attempt to ruin his life since, y'know all the stuff he did to her specifically.
For Vee the nicest most compromise-y thing she can do, is just never meet Luz face to face, and thats only because of her respect for Camila. But there's no way Luz isn't going to to notice or be concerned about this so there's this constant ticking time bomb of "when am i gonna meet Vee' since "oh she's off at college" isn't gonna work forever.
god this is all so good. i've been thinking about it since you sent this ask a few hours ago now. bc like. god. there's So Much....
i think you're 100% right that vee would try to stay out of things. she's like mama respectfully i'm ready to meet her IF i'm allowed to scream a lot of pent-up utterly unhinged bullshit but otherwise i think it's best for me not to be involved.
and camila is SUCH a bad liar. if she tried to say that things were fine with vee, luz would clock that something was wrong immediately. she obviously wouldn't jump to "she's from the isles" when there are so many more obvious conclusions -- maybe vee is jealous of luz for being the first daughter camila loved, maybe she's angry at luz for running away, maybe she's sick of luz monopolizing camila's time now when vee is used to having their mom all to herself....
regardless of what luz thinks is most likely, she's definitely like. Ah. I Am Driving A Wedge Between Them. This Is My Fault. On A Personal Level. Somehow.
and then on camila's end, that's even true to a point.... bc vee is getting increasingly more upset by the idea of protecting luz's feelings. i can absolutely see a very tired vee finally having the stress get to her & snapping, "why do you think she'll CARE?? she isn't going to care. even if she's as nice a person as you think she is, it's not like i'm a human or a witch. i'm nothing. she doesn't know how to care about people like me"
...there is, of course, a delicious and vicious irony in that. like. luz Very Much Does Know how to care about someone who isn't a witch or a human.
Oh God.
and then whenever luz meets vee, when it all finally Does come out.... i feel like it would sort of be worse for vee than anything she'd actually braced for. because luz DOES immediately care, she does act like it matters, she immediately wants to know everything and fix everything and make it all better, she immediately takes on all of the responsibility for everything the empire's ever done, she's so sorry, she didn't know, she would have done something, she can do something now--
--and vee is like well. HE knew. and he sure didn't want to help me!! even though i asked him to!! even though he KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING TO ME THE ENTIRE TIME
hunter has wisely remained quiet because he doesn't think he can really defend himself here. and luz has this moment of uncertainty and confusion, and then she looks at hunter's face, and for a second vee thinks that he's just going to straight-up deny it, but he doesn't. and luz seems to understand that it's all true.
and she doesn't look angry. or even betrayed.
and then she's trying to tell vee that hunter was always in danger when they were growing up, that there must have been extenuating circumstances that made rescue impossible, that he would have helped her if he could, that luz KNOWS he would have because he wouldn't just leave vee to suffer for no reason, that's not the kind of person he is,
and hunter is the one to be like luz. stop. she doesn't need to hear that right now. she can hate me. it's fine.
so vee's opinions on luz are like. 1) i hate that you're so nice that i look insane for being angry with you 2) you're a spineless coward who can't hold anyone accountable 3) you've fooled camila into thinking you're some helpless delicate flower by pretending to be sad when you DON'T care 4) if hunter is going to agree with me about anything then i should legally get to shoot him. just like once. i've never touched a gun or had any inclination to do so before today But I Should Get To Shoot Him .
camila's role in mediating this has mainly been to gently steer the conversation into more productive territory when it looks like it might devolve into panic attacks or violence from anyone involved. she's so fucking stressed by trying to keep things from coming to blows that there's like. no Way that she could do a professional-level job of Family Therapy Mediator.
god.
much 2 consider.
#MESSYYYY.#havent reread this but hopefully it is coherent. vibes.#replies#toh#princess luz au#camila noceda#vee noceda#luz noceda#hunter toh#horrible mindscape trauma pals#long post
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Rewatching bridgerton and i have thoughts like,
Honestly, yeah, Eloise is kind of annoying and naive in a way that's very much like an angry teenager, but was she really that bad of a friend? Sure she talks a lot about her feminism stuff but when Penelope talked about that secret pregnancy thing she was down, when she thought lady whistledown had ruined her friends reputation she wanted to find her so she could write something better, heck even if that meant disagreeing with the queen. She genuinely seems defensive and protective of Penelope and was there for her when her dad died (heck, she's saying she'd rather die than get "better" friends in season 2)
Like was she annoying and kind of self centered? Yeah but I don't think she's the demon half of y'all like to paint her as. Penelope seems to have no problem putting her family or the Bridgertons in danger of social ruin tho which is like, kind of insane tbh
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