#genuinely i hate myself bc why can i not just DO things??? other ppl get shit done. why cant i? i just dont know how and its frustrating

[haemosexuality]

these past few days i have been uncharacteristically. emotionally open. w my friend and it has me thinking about how truly for all of my life i just did not expect anything from anyone

#like since i was a kid i just accepted in my head that all the ''friends'' id have were ppl who either were just putting up w me (probably #bc they had no one else and i was like. what was available) or ppl who cared ab me yeah but i was still their second or third choice #and i was just like. yeah ok. i can survive w that. like consciously i made the choice to hang out w people i knew didnt really like me #bc it was better than not having anyone to talk to #did it hurt any less when those ppl eventually stopped talking to me or i learned theyve been talking about how annoying i am to others? #no it didnt. bc i still cared about Them and had Them as my first choice. but i just thought. thats just how it is. im jist not really #likeable. so ill take what i can get #when i was like 7 or 8. i had one friend at school. and she had like some issues at home or smth idk but sometimes she would just start. #treating me badly or just ignoring me for months at a time. and its not like it deeply traumatized me or anything i honestly didmt remember #this fact until like last year but the thing is that i just. accepted it. i was just like yeah ok for half of the year or so my only friend #will act like she hates me and ill have no one to talk to. thats fine. ill just wait until next year when she likes me again. at age 7. and #now im just like what the fuck man why did i just accept that as my life. through all my childhood and then with other friends in my teen #years why did i never not once try to do better for myself. yknow? #when i was 11 and in another school my best friend suddenly started not talking to me. after a month or so of this i decided to invite her #to my house to play like we had done so several times before and she just looked at me like she was confused i was talking to her at all #and said ''why?''. and i was just like. ok. thats that i guess. genuinely why did i just accept these things #and like yeah i have friends that i feel Get me now and one i love just so much and i can tell loves me back but theyre online. i dont talk #to anyone irl. i dont know how. and im happy im so happy but im also scared that im just doomed to be extremely lonely forever irl #because i am legit just not likeable. not to be a weird a weirdo but yeah im just too different from ur average person my age i cant #connect with them in any way. and i also dont know how to talk to people or make friends or to find people that are like me. ill just #not have anyone forever #i guess #especially bc now i dont hate myself enough to hang out with people i dont like so like. i dont even have that as an option skdbskdjks #Every friend i ever made happened bc the other person reached out to me first and insisted on it. all the friendships that stuck were the #gay autistic/adhd weirdonerds who can relate to my hyperfixations and dont expect me to act Normal™. idk how to find the former group irl #and have never once iniciated a friendship. my fate is to be someone who has online friends only and exclusively #and dont even get me STARTED on the topic of having a girlfriend someday- #anyways. certified magnus archives moment

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

thinkin about that one kpop tweet that was like "when jaehyun gets a gf i'm not gonna act fake like the rest of y'all and say "i want her 😍" i'm going to kill myself" because they are the most genuine person i've ever heard from on the topic tbh. ik for a fact ppl just act fake when shit like that happens esp when they were super big "i wanna fuck him" fans before that lmao

#or the 'omg they're so cute!!' ppl. being happy for the person i get but don't lie to yourself and everyone else lmao #i say that but maybe they are being genuine and i don't get it because i am never genuine in that situation #in fact the only time i was happy for someone i wanted to fuck who got a gf was hyuna and dawn bc they're perfect for e/o #but i won't lie when i was obsessed w him before the truth got leaked i was really upset about the possibility of them dating 🙄 #simply because i am a dipshit who needs everything to be mine and mine alone and if i express attraction in someone w a gf i get angry #at myself. this i think stems back to my best friend deciding to date my 2 year long crush because she was mad at me and he liked her #and she didn't even like him like that but she would go 'you should be happy for us if you like both of us! why are you so angry?' #even tho she was legit just doing it to MAKE ME ANGRY and then she dumped him a week later after i stopped being mad at her #and tried to be 'genuinely' happy for them #so idk. that was probably the worst thing she could've done to me because i don't think i'll ever get over it and it happened when we were #like. 10 #anyways my point is that i may be a delusional freak but at least i don't lie to myself and everyone else abt it 🤷‍♀️ #unless it was like almost a yr ago when i found out abt jrmas gf and i lied and said i was happy for him LMAO but i had to say that to move #on w/ my life and it didn't even end up working bc here i am writing more text posts about how i haven't moved on and i hate his gf for #existing. welllllll i'm a mean and volatile person and i overindulge myself in other people's business if i become obsessed so i was never #a good person but that's the long and short of it i guess. #i really wish i wasn't so stupid and didn't have to proclivity towards people who will never know who i am and never like me if they did #but i have genuinely only been this way and if u read my life like a book u would be disgusted and perturbed by what u saw #but tou would be drawing parallels about this back to the first fuckin chapter i can tell ya that much #idk ig i was right when i said that this would be the last time and that it's him or nobody for me because i just don't care anymore #i can't believe i've ever been stupid enough to think that i'd end up with someone just bc i was a fan of them #and yet she ended up with him as a fan so. just makes me see red but it's whatever LMAO #if u read all that i implore u to block me if you have any bad vibes bc this is just the kind of person i am and i'm sorry i weird u out #and if ya do. thank u for ur concern and i'm sorry i couldn't have been a kinder or more well adjusted person who was worth talking to... #in the end i guess i am just the obsessive weirdo that i have been since i was 6 #it all just comes down to me not thinking she deserves him. i think if he stayed w kim i would've been fine and gotten over him normally #but he just had to fuck a fan huh #anyways i'll be fine no worries i just need to do hard drugs and die probably

[vexingwoman]

Uh not actually here to hate but to say thanks???? Ive been thinking alot on my self expression and trying to figure out how to word it, and seeing some of your comments with other people really helped to put in perspective what I was trying to come to terms with. Ive always struggled with my gender but acknowledge fully that I'm biologically female. (Stay with me here till the end please i know lol) I genuinely dont care what pronouns I'm called either and none have ever felt right if I'm honest and nothing I've read or tried has been adding up for me over the years to help me feel any better.

Kinda realizing over the past year or so that I just have this deep ingrained idea from being surrounded constantly my whole life in a woman hating environment that I just have a *really* heavily masked hatred for what general society treats women as and was trying to remove myself from it hoping itd somehow save me from the terrible shit we all go through daily. And it just made me feel even more alienated doing that to myself. Its been a long time of coming around to this and I know how it sounds but I dont wanna consider any of my time wasted. I dont remember what it was but something you said to someone in a long ass comment fight clicked for me and rn I'm sleep deprived and wont even remember what it was in the morning either but I feel like some kind of weight has been eased off me. Im doing my best to unlearn the sexist misogynistic bs ive had shoved down my throat my whole life that made me think being a woman was something to be shameful of and better off without.

Its been hard trying to look into this radfem community and find someone who didn't immediately just insult and exclude ppl that werent already on the ball agreeing. Basically I appreciate your ranting with strangers. Amd indulging some of their curiousity as clearly as you can+defining everything you say constantly so I dont get lost in a whirlwind of hard to understand metaphors. Idk you get it. Something clicked and i dont feel ashamed for the time gone bc I know it was heavily influenced by the oppression of all things normal-human-womanly around me. I hate that we're all so tied into these stereotypes. Its painfully hard to unlearn. Thanks for the help. Have a fat block of text as thanks cause I'm not sure how to sound as genuine as I feel rn. Have a nice day and an even better tomorrow. Im gonna get some sleep now💀(stayed up WAY too late painting lol) bye!

This is so wonderful to hear. I know how dreadful it is doing serious introspection and making yourself aware of how deeply and unconsciously your internalized sexism runs. I’ve been there, and I know it’s even more difficult to deconstruct the subtle sexist attitudes which have been ingrained into to us since birth. Often it seems as hopeless as chasing smoke, because some of our internalized sexism is so deep that it’s invisible, and worse, inarticulable.

Some women will never think on these subjects beyond their surface level—will never dissect their preferences, will never concede that their choices are influenced by sex-based socialization, will never seriously reflect on why they are so desperate to identify out of womanhood. And in a strange way, I sympathize with these women, because I understand that it’s easier to shut your eyes and convince yourself that you were born in the wrong body than it is to open your eyes and acknowledge how much sexism has seeped into and corrupted our own minds.

Basically, I’m proud of you for putting yourself through the pain of deconstructing your own internalized sexism. You are better for even attempting it, and I hope you continue to do so.

P.S. I know exactly which long-ass comment fight you’re referring to, because I only put myself through that once. At least someone benefited from the literal month I spent arguing with that stranger. They blocked me, so unfortunately I can’t even go back and analyze the conversation if I ever wanted to. I would love to know what you took away from it, if you ever do remember.

#terfblr #radical feminism #terfsafe #radblr #gender critical #radical feminist safe #misogny #sexism #trans logic #gender abolition #answered asks

[im-a-goddamn-cat]

now that i'm finally truly snapping myself out of my internalized aphobia and denial of my asexuality, i'm thinking about all the signs there are/have been that point to me being ace and it's making me crazy like:

when i was a kid, whenever i thought about having sex with a future partner/spouse, i dreaded it and wished i didn't have to do it. i thought that i would have to even if i didn't want to and it was an actual, genuine fear of mine

i've always had trouble with connecting sex and love, i've never understood why you'd have to have sex in order to be in love/show your love to someone

i cannot relate at all to ppl who say that they need sex in their life and ppl who get upset when they haven't had sex in a while

i'm uncomfortable with sexual scenes in shows and movies, i wish they didn't exist

i always get upset when ppl and/or stories imply that a romantic couple needs to have sex or else it isn't as good a relationship

i get upset that there's rarely romantic couples in media that don't have sex

i have sexual thoughts/fantasies sometimes but when i think about actually having sex irl, it makes me uncomfortable. the thought of actually having sex doesn't seem enjoyable and seems more like a chore than something i'd actually wanna do

i've never had sex and have never seeked it out bc i've never been interested to

i hate when ppl make fun of ppl who don't have sex or ppl who haven't had sex yet and i'm very defensive of those groups of ppl

i've always felt disconnected from sex and from ppl who talk about having/wanting sex, i can never relate

i used to be upset about how i've never had sex but it was only bc of societial expectations and other ppl's judgements which made me feel bad about myself and made me feel like i had to do it in order to not be "behind" or a "loser," not bc i actually wanted to have sex

i've never felt "ready" to have sex and i always thought i was just a very late bloomer but it was actually bc i have no desire for sex

i've always much preferred romantic things over sexual things

like... omg. the signs are all here/there. i can't believe i let internalized aphobia have a grip on me for so long

#meowing #ace #asexual #aspec #acespec #queer #lgbt #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #lgbt+ #aspec tag

[booksandpaperss]

kind of obsessed with the fact you've slowly gotten more blatant with heartstopper hate lmfao😭 it's like. fine to me it's cute but NOTHING SERIOUS IS EVER GOING ON so I gotta be in a really specific mood for it I still haven't watched s2. definitely couldn't be a fixation. and everyone fucking loves it it's the best thing since sliced bread and I'm like. why tho. and then any critique of it is sorta dumbed down to "oh you just don't like how sweet it is but teenagers deserve sweet romance" like ok but why's it gotta be boring though. and too healthy like beyond normal levels of healthy. like this is missing even the usual human levels of miscommunication. and it gets resolved too easy. sorry this was supposed to cut off 4 sentences ago I'm realizing now in your inbox that I apparently have beef with heartstopper

LKSSJJSJS LISTEN listen. I don’t even hate it. truly. I even genuinely enjoyed myself during the nick and Charlie parts bc that’s the part that thought is actually put into. I just hate how much everyone loves it so blindly

honestly my biggest beef with it is that it’s marketed and treated as the most genuine and diverse groundbreaking queer storyline there is when that’s literally so far from true and it really really shows ppls true colors when they think this bc the sapphics and POC are literal props it’s actually absurd for a show that’s supposed to be a safe space for queer ppl

and god do I hate that part of the reason it’s so popular is bc it portrays these queer teenagers as never having a single, physical thought in their entire life. there was this whole plot centered around one single hickey that Charlie had??? and something abt the physical attraction portion of it all, which they did try to show btw, felt disingenuous to me. and I know that’s why it’s so palatable to a mainstream audience and it pisses me off and again it just doesn’t feel genuine. which is ironically one of the main arguments against heartstopper criticism: “it’s not cringe it’s just earnest” when yeah maybe it’s Trying to be earnest but when u look at it from more than a surface level lens it’s not rlly succeeding

and I know the aroace storyline in season 2 with Isaac resonated with a lot of people and I think that’s wonderful, and I actually do think that was something that was done well, but how can you have a storyline around asexuality when you don’t show the contrast in how it is being an allosexual queer person. there was a whole lot of romantic attraction going on but even more tip toeing around the sexual attraction aspect. and I don’t expect it to be like sex education for example in terms of the focus on sex obv , but the lack of acknowledgment of that aspect of the queer experience paired with how much the uwu wholesomeness of it all is played up rlly rubs me the wrong way. once again: it feels dishonest

I was actually talking about this with one of my mutuals the other day and they pointed out that it is very plain that alice olseman did not consult a single queer man in the writers room. and if someone can prove this wrong be my guest but I rlly don’t think the whole physical attraction component would have been done so badly had an actual queer man been on the team. feels kind of like back in summer 2022 when byler shippers would literally shun and harass anyone who even implied that Will’s feelings for Mike probably included physical attraction meanwhile Noah Schnapp himself was making jokes about it bc he’s an actual gay teenager.

not gonna even get into right now how Tara and darcy felt even more like props this season than in the last one and I didn’t even like watching their scenes bc the writing itself felt performative. that’s a whole other post.

and man, wouldn’t it have been so nice if there had actually been people of color in that writers room. On a purely surface level heartstopper has a very diverse cast but once again, peel away even one layer and you realize it’s a bunch of tokenism, which brings me full circle back to my original point: you can’t say it’s peak representation and diversity when it’s whitewashed as hell and doesn’t gaf abt sapphics despite literally being written by one. guess she chose her whiteness over her queerness even when writing a queer story which wowwww sooooo original.

okayyyy anyways did NOT mean to write a whole essay but u discovering ur own beef reminded me of mine lmaooo

all of this was to say that basically I’m not gonna pretend I didn’t enjoy myself during parts of the show, and I don’t wanna shame ppl for liking it that is not at all what I’m trying to do here, it has its own place in queer media and if a show like this came out in like 2010 it would be groundbreaking despite its issues (but again it’s literally 2023 do fucking better) , but I take issue with people treating it like something it’s not and with the amount of love it gets I feel like I have to be really loud about my criticism of it, especially bc usually the criticism of the show that gets any attention isn’t even slandering it for the right reasons and like. if ur gonna hate on something queer and popular do it right

oh and heartstopper writers? maybe try speaking with an actual teenager once in your life before writing their dialogue they do not fucking communicate that well

okay I’m done now finally 🫡

#sorry rori I don’t know what came over me #booksandpaperss asks #should I make myself a rant tag #elli rants

[cosmicdream222]

sorry to be morbid again but do you think we can manifest passing away early? im honestly past the point of wanting to exist and just want to get over this thing that im supposed to be a successful person but im not so idrc if i do or dont live

so many ppl on tarot related blogs ask about their fs but if we dont meet them does it matter and would they just move on with their life? like i think u have to have ur life put together but its genuinely so hard to do these days so i hope my fs wont be sad at all when i die cause i wouldnt be able to make tnem truly happy anyway cause im not happy myself with how things have been

ideally i wouldve done something in a sport or music but that ship sailed long ago and now im so stuck but id hate to be reliant on someone else and i shouldve moved out into my own place but housing is ridiculously expensive where im from and taxes dont help anyone. it takes years and years to pick up a talent so i have wasted those years and ik im just going to struggle to get past 50 if i were to have my own place bc minimum wage jobs suck arse and i dont want to be doinng something lame not that its lame for others to do it, its just not what i wanted to have done at all

you cant even get a degree without needing to fork out hundreds and thousands so yeah none of its easy and sure you can try subliminals but lets face it the systemn we are in is fucked up big time so rn i cant even bother with daydream about how it could have been or the what ifs i had done smth differently or if i had any talent but then theres still the, im too old and too foreign to do any sort of music as most successful groups nowadays are korean and even if i tried to do what they did it would probs end up killing me some way or other

its just either about having to be wealthy or having some type of talent both of which id fail at anyway as i shouldve done it years ago like a normal person who goes from being so so at something to being great at something.

i truly think i was born in wrong generation or i just shouldnt have been born at all then i wouldnt have to fret constantly abt these types of things. i think if the government genuinely sorted shit out for once and helped society ppl would be happier to work for less but im not happy at all with the current state of things. i feel guilty for existing and i hate it sm like god just let me end my life pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee there is nothing worthwhile in store, ik we could try shifting subliminals but have those genuinely worked? like u exit this reality and straight into the one you wanted originally? but then i might as well just pass away cause id have to know what i want in another reality

My dude, take a deep breath. You’ve ranted about all this same exact stuff a bunch of times now and I’m just gonna repeat the same thing I said to you last time:

All of that stuff you mentioned about your current reality is an illusion. Time is an illusion. It does not matter what you’ve done in the past. The economy does not matter. Your present circumstances do not matter.

I’ll add to that: Whatever some tarot reader or TikTok psychic says definitely does not matter. Idk what fs means but I’m guessing something like a twin flame and that is especially 1000% bullshit.

The spiritual community has created an incredible amount of false narratives to make excuses and blame outside forces for why things aren’t going their way. None of it is real. Seriously forget everything you learned about fate, karma, astrology, or anything else that’s saying something else is in control. Reality is an illusion. YOU are in control.

You don’t have to identify with any old bullshit anymore. Stop repeating the old story and think about what you do want. You can have literally ANYTHING! You say you don’t know what you want, ok, but you know what you don’t want, right?

I don’t want to work -> I want to live in a reality where I don’t have to work.

There, you just figured out something you want! It’s that simple.

I totally agree that this society is a horrific shitshow and I don’t want to be aware of it anymore either. But it’s just one version of reality available. It’s not the only reality and it’s not the original reality. You don’t have to be aware of it anymore if you don’t want to be.

You also don’t have to involve death at all. There’s a lot of misconception in the shifting world which has lead to concepts like “permashifting” and “respawning”, but those just all assume this current reality is the original one. It’s not.

Have you watched The Matrix? It’s really more like a documentary than science fiction lol. Just like in the movie, we are being tricked by a simulated virtual reality, controlled by a society that’s using us for our energy. Just think of reality as an escape room. We’re escaping the Matrix. Once you figure out how to leave, you don’t ever have to go back. There are infinite realities available to you, and none are more real or right or original than any others. Remember, death is not an ultimate, nor does it exist in all realities.

I am scripting a utopian reality with my best friend where there is no death, aging, or illness. Everyone is a master manifestor so they always get whatever they want. Nobody has to work and there isn’t even a need for money because we can manifest anything instantly. We can just relax and get massages all day. Everyone lives in peace and harmony and abundance. Animals are treated as equals to humans, we can all communicate with each other, and we can all fly and teleport. Because why the f not? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

And if you really don’t want to exist (I’m guessing that other ask from a couple weeks ago is you too lol) you don’t have to exist in this reality, or any other. Removing your awareness from all physical reality is known as entering the void. You exist there as pure consciousness, and you can stay there as long as you like. It is you as your highest self. There’s nothing negative about it.

As for the whole subliminal thing, shifting subliminals are just one method. Shifting = manifesting = deciding what you want and experiencing it. It’s something we are always doing and is available to all of us. You don’t need any methods to shift besides intention. We just use methods to convince/calm the annoying human brain that is programmed with society’s limits.

[tamelee]

I think a lot of sakura hate is undeserved. Like ik she's said and done some things that were out of pocket, but then again so did almost everyone else and no one else gets scrutinized as much as her. I don't even like her and her fans are incredibly annoying, but I feel this much is true. I think she'd still be one of the most hated characters in all of anime if her undeserved hate went away, so it doesn't really make much of a difference. I feel like her hate is kinda like sasuke's, sometimes it feels like he gets hated on just for being sasuke bc ik some things he's done would've been swept under the rug if another, more popular character did it (eg when he killed some samurai) for sakura, there are lots of incel fanart memes dudebros made to make fun of her, so it seems like they hate her for just being a woman who rejected a loser man and likes a better man. It's no wonder her fans are so annoying, that's what happens when your fave character gets undeserved constant hate. My fave is sasuke and sometimes even I wanna do some petty annoying shit just to piss his haters off too lol. Also since she's a woman, there's definitely some misogyny at play when her character is being analyzed by men. Or even women with internalized misogyny. It's stupid to deny that, misogyny is the most normalized oppression everywhere. So many ppl don't even realize they're being misogynistic, that's how normal it is. Sure it's not always the case but ignoring it is just being dumb. Her fans using the misogyny card to actual genuine criticism is definitely stupid though. Like it's possible to not like a woman and not be misogynistic ofc. Also when they use that when sns fans ship sasuke with naruto instead of sakura, that's even dumber 😂 how is not shipping a woman with a man and instead shipping him with another man misogynistic in any way lol. But yeah, I'm definitely not on her fans side, or even a fan of her myself, but I can still acknowledge this

+ 2 Asks - long post:

When talking about critiquing characters and analyzing stories, it doesn't really matter who's doing the talking – whether they're fans, critics, or just people who love or don't love a particular show or character. We can't always figure out why (especially anonymous) people feel the way they do and how do we even discern the motivation or background of those who do so? —whether they're misogynistic, incels, dudebros, fans, or critics of whatever other stories, among other factors. In fact, in this case it’s pretty irrelevant? Or only relevant here because you brought it up.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t take away the fact that a significant portion of the 'Naruto' audience finds Sakura's character unlikable. She consistently is found at the center of conversations about the most disliked Anime characters. This is ultimately a reflection of storytelling, rather than solely an audience reaction. And that leads to a broader discussion about Kishimoto’s writing where many blame his lack of skill in writing when it comes to the portrayal of female characters. (Opinions may vary, so does mine.) Dismissing criticism by categorizing critics as incels or misogynists is oversimplifying it tbh because of course they harbor specific biases against a character like Sakura which in itself isn’t fair and would definitely make it ‘undeserved’. (I really wouldn’t use that term for a fictional character unless we talk about the story itself tbh.) You yourself say “not always the case...” So that doesn't mean Kishimoto's portrayal of Sakura or any other character, and the genuine criticism she receives for universally disliked traits, is any less valid. Many perceive her as selfish, and Kishimoto himself has used that specific term (and even worse) to describe her. So, you can’t deny that this foundation of her character exists. Her decisions and behavior make sense even if people preferred to see it differently. 

Though, when analyzing, it is important to keep the Shinobi world in mind, and only our own as reference. And that’s exactly why the hatred Sasuke gets is not the same.... :

The amount of hate/criticism has nothing to do with a comparison though. Sakura's actions are often deliberately misunderstood, twisted to fit certain narratives that are in her favor and even exaggerated to counteract the hate like the first ask said. On the other hand, Sasuke is generally misunderstood and is hated for it. Often not getting even a tiny bit of compassion because some people struggle to see beyond his exterior and just ride the Naruto-verse’s moral/value waves from the narrative. Where the entire point was that those ideals needed change. 

SAVE HIM!? Why is it always so actively ignored that Sakura tried to kill Sasuke twice but him defending himself or fighting back is ‘so incredibly evil’? This ‘resolve’ of hers becomes even more significant to Kishimoto’s message when we consider that she intentionally represents the same ideals that led to the genocide and with that- agreed to eliminate him without attempting to understand him even once. Repeating history in the meantime where, again, that change is necessary. And you start with trying to understand the other, something Naruto had to learn too and actively had to find that answer by himself. Never once did she actually listen to Sasuke when he tried to open up and instead twisted the few words he got out to make it about herself. Not only disregarding his (and Naruto’s) trauma but shitting on it, thinking he, of ALL people, would feel happy with her abandoning her family and friends for him and comparing her feeling lonely without Sasuke to his entire clan being murdered what forced him to grow up alone. I mean, hello? Kishimoto was saying something very loudly there and it’s nothing positive about Sakura and that certainly has nothing to do with a lack of writing skills, the opposite actually. Even if she was briefly a teammate, she rightfully became irrelevant to him, and her decision to get rid of the (in her and the world's eyes) “criminal” was entirely for her own sake because she couldn't bear to see her crush behave like one and deal with her irrelevance.  

She rejected everything Sasuke wanted, needed, and desired, including his central 'why' in the story. She reduced him to a moody handsome boiii with no goals of his own, one she neither could nor wanted to understand. She tried to insert herself into his goals without him giving her any reason to, and when unsuccessful, she wanted to discard them altogether thinking he was ‘too far gone’. Like Sasuke as a person as a whole was her ‘burden’ to bear simply because she wanted to be somewhat relevant. Even Kakashi said it :/ although he thought she did it all out of the kindness of her heart. (Ffs, Kakashi I like you, but no.) Now, please consider EVERYTHING and then think again why Sakura thought of Sasuke as a burden or why she felt burdened by him while lying about her trust in him to Sai? 👀

The importance of Sasuke having a goal is immense because he grapples with survivor's guilt. A goal provides a reason to keep going, a way to carry the pain and blame he places on himself. It allows him to be strategic and have a plan, which is the only source of hope that things may eventually improve. He rejected what Naruto stood for because he found it distracting and hard to trust at that point. OF COURSE he fought so fucking hard against it. No matter his feelings for Naruto, relying solely on effort like Naruto wasn't something he could do. Especially considering how his beloved brother had betrayed him in the worst possible way.

Now, here's a question for you: why would Sakura need to receive compassion or 'deserve' it when, as a character, she rarely demonstrated it herself, especially when it comes to the person she claims to like so much? And if anyone thinks that was out of love in any way, which it wasn't, then what does it all mean for Naruto????

If you genuinely believe there was any point in the story Sakura tried to save Sasuke for Sasuke’s sake then I hope you’re able to read the story again and question this very rigorously for yourself. Not just her actions, but what Kishimoto tried to actually show/tell and use them to measure how it stands against the bigger Themes also.  

Lastly: the whole point of needing to kill Naruto was BECAUSE he cared for him lol, read Sasuke's monologue again if it helps. That his bond with Naruto had too much of an impact on Sasuke. His one and only, his most important person/friend, only bond left that kept him from truly being alone, Naruto’s life in itself too much of a threat to his heart even when separated, blabla- should I go on? 🤔      

#asktamelee #naruto talk #sasuke talk #dunno how else to tag this #I rarely want to talk about sasuke on my blog but #this became very pro sasuke and anti sakura jsyk #really had to vent a little xD

[discluded]

Hi, what is your pov on some of these comments about mileapo fans being “delulu” and naive bc it’s “just fake bl fanservice”?

Because idk if I’m going crazy but like as a gay person this shit seems borderline homophobic? On the one hand I kinda get where they’re coming from with like the concert “plot” (idk what else to call it 😭), but otherwise seeing how they interact with each other in off-screen/stage moments and their chemistry and the huge ass difference with the entire cast, how they interact with each other vs others, the side couples energy with each other, it’s not that big of a leap… and to imply that it’s dumb or naive for ppl (lots of them queer themselves) to perceive that smells like homophobia to me… idk

I’m not even trying to be mad abt the mileapo thing bc frankly i don’t give a shit what people do or don’t believe about two actors but it’s the dismissive tone of such comments that pisses me off, and I was wondering if maybe you or any of your followers have some thoughts about this too.

Hello friend.

Thank you for trusting me with this delicate ask. Hopefully I can do a good job with it.

I'm hearing a couple of things in your question, part of which I'm guessing is just being able vent (glad to provide the space!) but the crux of which is commenting on the irony of homophobia in Kinnporshe / BL fandom. And yeah. You're not imagining it.

CW: Homophobia. I'm serious, this is your only warning. Some of this really upset me today and I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing.

I saw this after I got your ask and already spent some time thinking about how to respond, but these comments were in response to Tong coming out at KPWT Manila on Tiktok. I hate looking at them, but I'll embed them in case the tweet ever gets deleted as a reminder that EQUALITY IS NOT REAL IN THIS WORLD.

I won't lie, this hurt my feelings a lot and it's not even about me. I spent half a second being mad before just being sad about this for hours.

I've been into BL for so long, I am tired of this round-about argument we keep having over women, many of whom are queer or questioning, enjoying queer stories where the characters are male. There are culturally-adept literary and queer studies scholars who do research on this.

That being said, a not-small proportion of the fan base is made people who are genuinely homophobic and use BL as their fantasy. Just like watching lesbian porn doesn't make straight men allies, neither does watching BL make straight women allies. I am too exhausted to explain why they do but it's basically a mix of misogyny in not wanting to see other female actors opposite an actor you like but also using queer men as placeholders for your fantasy. Sometimes in fiction, but other times in reality.

I'm with @mirrorofprinces, we need to attack more homophobes for this. 😒😒😒 no more fighting over gay rights, time for KPTS-inspired gay wrongs and gay violence on the gaygenda.

The "delulu" and "it's just fanservice" comments are...indeed kind of homophobic. I respect people who don't want to comment on or interpret their relationship, like you said, or interpret it differently. And it kind of sucks to be like "well some people will be homophobic and you have to share a space with them" in fandom about a queer story, but how do you confront people, some of whom are happy to be openly homophobic, about homophobia that is more nuanced?

But I think one thing that undermines MileApo's authenticity is that BibleBuild do so much fan service despite also claiming not to. Fan service is a Thai BL industry standard with other actor pairs. And as a reality check to myself, I have looked at some of those pairs interacting and yeah. Definitely brotherly or fan service there.

The other part of the problem is young people, especially after the pandemic, genuinely do not seem to know what normal human interaction looks like, including the difference between what's fake and what's real AND what's platonic vs. what's flirty or romantic affection.

As for what my friends/moots think, here's @mellowroxy and @cookiedoughfiesta's thoughts from August about Mile saying he was in love with Apo about the "delulu" comments. (Though let's be real... sometimes the fandom is also... a bit much 🤣🤣🤣)

When I talked to Yams (@mellowroxy) about this earlier, here's what she had to add on to the point:

Me: fans were freaking out when Tom called Zendaya 'my MJ' on his birthday wish to her, and that's way more subtle than what Mile and Apo are doing

Yams: There wouldn’t be this much push back if it was a guy and girl. Most people would be like “oh another on set romance” and call it a day. On the Zendaya and Tom topic, if this was decades back when interracial couples were taboo as fuck then they wouldn’t come out as well.

A conscious reminder equality has always been hard-fought for.

But trust me, this paradox of people who watch BL who are homophobic have not escaped Mile and Apo's notice either.

"Equality isn't real in this world."

Apo's comment at KPWT Bangkok day 2, which many people have noted was likely about complaints over them reenacting Kinn and Porsche's first kiss live. I'm not going to look for it but @soft-husbands mentioned she saw a fancam that blurred the kiss out on Youtube 😑 (Why did you watch KPTS in the first place then.)

"People say that they are open minded, But they are actually not."

And isn't that the crux of it.

As I always say, you haven't have an opinion on the truth. So in the end, no one's opinions on the situation matters except for Mile's and Apo's. But it does suck to bear the brunt of people's negativity doesn't it.

Hopefully this didn't make you feel more sad... but you're not alone in noticing it at least.

#cw homophobia #mileapo #kpwt #kpwt bangkok #kpwt manila #mileapo and pride

[hannahlovesluca]

So i heard about u doing nijisanji matchups so why not :DD

Nijisanji male matchup pretty plz w cherry on top

Gender:Gender is nothing but a social conCepttTttt(jk cis female but there were times ppl mistook me as a guy once LMAO)

Pronouns:I don't have any in particular,i don't mind any of them as long as its not they/them

Sexuality:....i..don't know actually.Like.Women.But Men.But women.i'll just say bisexual..

Zodiac:Aquarius

Appearance:Shoulder length black hair,i'm kiiinda tall?Im taller than most of my friends.Black fox-like(i think thats what they call them??) Eyes,and i wear literally anything.Like imagine someone in a black turtleneck and some random ass floral button up shirt with the most obnoxious pants ever(for clarification this isnt my attempt at getting in r/builtdifferentfromothergirls i just get cold easily).Oh and im as blind as a bat without my glasses,i only put them on when i wanna put myself in the attractiveness scale for shits and giggles sometimes i wear random jackets i find in my room like that one hot pink jacket i covered in the bee movie stickers for some reason

Mbti:Entp

Idk my ennagram sorry :((

Personality:im pretty laid-back but based on sources(aka my mutuals) i am the embodiment of a living cockroach because of me almost dying like 5 times(vibe checked by god 5 times and he did NOT approve of me...like mf be frfr) i procastinate until like a day before the deadline cause i only work with pressure cause my brains just built like that(rushing calculus my beloved) I LOVE MATHS SO MUCH U CANT IMAGINE(and the cries of my discord besties cause the moment they go back on vc they see the discord whiteboard filled with god knows what) and im preeeeetty confident in myself unless someone genuinely compliments me,if that happens im just gonna disintegrate into dust

Likes:that one meme where the green guy from avengers goes "why is galora",yugioh,jumping into my friends random vc comedically 4 shits and giggles,resident evil,taking care of everyone(and not taking care of myself cause im a self aware hypocrite),DEBATES I LOVE THEM SM THEY GIVE ME SO MUCH ADRENALINE

Dislikes:when someone gets into my persona space toooooo much.oh and the fact that u can divide 91 by 7.literally unreal.and thunder??dunno it sets uncomfy in me i probably offended zeus in my past life or smth

Love language:

I dont know what that is....i mean like,id send whoever i get random memes i found at 3 am,shower thoughts??and hugs??and cuddles??and giving them reassuring words??does that count?

Extra:im bilingual(swedish,russian,korean,german) so i can make ppl say what seems like romantic words when its a deez nuts joke this is a flex btw.i pace around tasks pretty fast,sometimes im too lazy to get up sometimes i go around doing literally everything at once

Im sorry if this is confusing to u this is my first time doing this :((

i pair you with…

Ver Vermillion!

hear me out…

• you guys will absolutely nerd out over yugioh and will probably end up playfully arguing and malding over the other (i dont know much ab yugioh im sorry 💔💔)

• if you let him nerd out to you and rant to you about the most random things he will immediately fall in love

•likewise if you nerd out/rant to him he will fall in love bc the fact that you confide in him???

• similar to shu yaminerd, he is a huge nerd but hes better at hiding it

• call him a dork. he says he hates it but he loves it.

• YOU GUYS WILL HAVE MEME BATTLES.

• youll sit in discord vc, no sound except the little giggles erupting out while you read each others memes and random messages that you just keep on sending

• will randomly whip out the “why is galora” meme to make you laugh out loud in vc with others, on stream, etc even in public

• god, he loves your hair

• your cuddles up in his arms, half-asleep, and hes running his hands thru your hair AHHH

• will also send you hot-takes out of nowhere so you guys can debate on it solely because he knows how much you love it

• “banana pizza is good.”

• “soggy socks feel nice.”

• will also throw you random compliments because he knows its the only thing that will get you

• “are you a hot mom because damn mama you hot.”

• will assist you in sending deez nuts jokes to your friends in korean

• “내 불알을 빨아.”

RUNNERS UP: Shu Yamino, Doppio Dropscythe

#luca kaneshiro #ike eveland #luxiem #luxiem x reader #shu yamino #mysta rias #vox akuma #nijisanji en #luca kaneshiro x reader #ike eveland x reader #ver vermillion #xsoleil #matchups

[gayspock]

ok 1 menty b for me

i dont know. i think its just always been so alienating. i think theres something wrong with me and its unfixable. and sometimes, if i cant have anything else, i just want at least the fucking chance to express that without people thinking even less of me. and ik in reality nobody even gaf or sees me. but i also know know that if they did, 9times out fo 10 people would be rolling their eyes. whatever. idk. i feel so lonely and i dont think im ever not going to be lonely and its never going to get better because even when given the resources, the opportunities i just can never manage . i just cant . i swear i try . but every single time. my whole fucking life . i just walk away from everything with even less, it feels like. and its getting so much harderand harder. and i dont know how to express it liek ... i fucking feel myself SEETHE as ppl keep insisting "theres still a chance! there's still hope!" like sure bro. but i dont want to fucking keep living my life along the fucking asymptote of getting consistently closer to dying alone but "haha technically its not a certainty" and . like theres just something so fucking repulsive about me and i just cant seem to fix it no matter what. and im so exhausted all the time. and i genuinely dont think theres any way out of that . i go to work and i come home so burnt out and tired. and people are nice there but i dont think i can really connect with anyone . i just cant seem to get close to people . and i dont have it within me to meet anyone else because im so fucking tired all of the time .

and even if i did and i mustered all the energy and spent all the little time i had left in the world i dont think theyd have time for me. not just bc nobody in their 20s does but also because i dont know . it just never seems to work . and i cant do it again where i try to invest every little piece of me into it when its jsut always left me fucking miserable and pathetic. bro do you know what i mean. not to be 16 and lame as shit still. i feel like im always the idiot ppl take pity on at best . i dont think ive ever been real to anybody. like alwaysssssss...... and even now i feel like every time I HAVE existed within circles of others. its literally 10 times out of 10 just constantly fighting to be included and seen as someone whos not a fucking joke and i just feel like such a fucking . loser for caring so much about it when. REALISTICALLY. pretty much all the people ive met in life will have forgotten i exist. and ok. ok. i just dont think ... like its not like some trait within me right like ... im not As melodramatic to be like oh . oh theres an actual innate trait within me thats activated and stops people liking me. just. the contrary like. i just think theres nothing within me to actually like . or to gravitate towards. so likeyeah sure . that makes sense. why WOULD you want to bother with someone whos just kinda hollow or whatever.. something something or other. and i kind of wish i was more resilient about tht. but i jsut . i guess as is a Guy of that Nature, its just ... im trying to fucking not fucking spiral but i just feel myself fucking filling up with fucking . miserable SHITTY bile or whatever because i just wish i felt normal or whatever. its such a fucking human fucking thing that other people can MANAGE. but i cant . its so so fucking hard and i cant do it and i cant handle it. and i just feel so angry sometimes anyways . bc i hate it . and i keep trying bc i wanna make peace with it because i know theres no out . like ive long since given up on ever thinking its going to work out . because nothing fucking helps but makes it so much worse . anyways. i dont know. but i dont know bro. it drives me fucking insane when people always spout some bs about how "haha everyone has someone! everyone will find someone! like no they dont no they wont . its so .. so much more isolating. or like "EVERYONEEE feels lonely sometimes" like HOW does that help. HOW. and it makes it so MUCH FUCKING WORSEEEE when people tell you about how lonely they are too!!! like cool . i dont have a chance then. sorry i know thats such a bitter bitch thing to say. but idk if it rlly matters like ... at the end of the day idc when ppl have partners. or people they talk to. family who loves them. and youre still lonely. cool. thank you for letting me know, dude. go back to the people who will look out for you and love you whilst i sit in the dark and not speak to anyone for weeks whilst not a single person would even notice im gone .

or like. bro. i dont think a single person has taken me seriously for long enough to ever fucking like me or hold me in enough regard to like... want to talk to me again nevermind like be with me in a certain sense so i jsut. i dont know. sits alone. every fucking day for years maybe. i dont know. i feel so fucking sad and angry knowing deep down that i can know all this and know its true but even then . i cant even have that . people wont even take THAT part of me seriouslyand think im just some fucking idiot whos not even trying. when i really reallyhave but its just so... worthless it feels like . it feels like im never getting anywhere and everyone thinks i just gave up when i didnt. and i dont know. thar makes it sound like people actually see me and really are laughing or something when i dont think its nearly that much. i think its like oh people see me make that as a snap judgement and i fall out of existence again. and i dont know. it shouldnt matter but i feel so fucking strung out and exist between these instances only and idk. idk bro. im trying to be okay with it. but as im getting older i just feel like theres so many more things that are revealing themselves as worse and worse. and im going crazy. im going crazzzzzzyyyy . whatever . insert the mental breakdown gifs . the funny ones where those guys aremoving really fast

#egg.txt

[x-itzzzzzz-x]

feel like i’m genuinely losing my mind bc what am i even doing my brain feels so so wrong n i’m so tired n i have no time before uni to just enjoy stuff n i have no motivation to do anything i want to and i don’t go out or do anything n i’m so miserable as is nvm going back to uni i actually just feel nothing but misery i’m so sick of it

like i don’t understand how ppl have fulfilling relationships with others , go to uni and feel motivated n good about it and do well , who work , have time to themselves as well as going out

like i can’t even just exist with no responsibilities without feeling overwhelmed and like i want to kms

my relationships w my family is shit , i ruin all my friendships and i have no other relationships

i’m failing uni embarrassingly so , the course im worst at is the whole reason i’m at uni and one of the only things i’m passionate about and i can barely even pass literally have passed only by 2 marks like

i don’t draw , i don’t read , dont play video games , don’t craft , don’t watch what i want. literally all i do is rot away

i also dont go out and everytime i go out or am around other people its horrid or i ruin it

idek how i’m supposed to go to uni so so genuinely every time i leave the house i get overwhelmed and feel sick and it’s just so horrible n exhausting n i don’t want to it’s so humiliating having to be around others and knowing they are all real people and smarter then me i just hate uni so much it makes me feel worthless

im so skint aswell otherwise id atleast buy myself stuff to feel some semblance of joy but i just cant

nothing feels good qnd i dont see the point in anything like genuinely what is even the point in anything im so spoilt and all i do is ruin stuff for myself and others then wallow in self pity

i hate myself so much i make myself sick

i’m just so tired i wanna be happy i wanna feel like a real person why am i not why can’t i just be a normal happy person

#i’m over it #i just wanna die #or ruin my life #getting better and enjoying life #is so tiring #like i’m so serious #i can’t do it #autism #lonelly #social anxiety #actually autistic #rsd #bpd #tw vent #tw sui ideation #tw sui vent

[enchanting-grom-fright]

ok i’ll shut up just one more rant

bcs i need to vent abt this lol 😭😭

idk guys idfk i’m just absolutely fucking exhausted 

i was just watching smthing, like smthing completely unrelated, and all of a sudden everything just came back to me, like completely exactly like i was there. which like at this point i’m used to i can typically brush it off, but this was one of the times where it really stuck with me. and then after that when i was jolted back to reality (and after i actually then realized i was just alone and in my bedroom) i was super just like out of it. emotionally i felt no different or safer than before and that was all i could think just that in the moment panic and feeling like ur gasping for a way out but there isn’t one and that just makes it worse and everytime i closed my eyes that’s all i could envision and i could almost feel it it felt like i was feeling it and i was also just like hysterically whispering to myself just stop like nonstop repeatedly the entire time and like idek it was odd. and like i’m used to it it’s not like this is new so i tried i really tried to calm myself down i was sat there for so long but nothing works so i ended up relapsing again after like three days  but i just don’t know what else to do genuinely like i didn’t fucking prompt that and in the moment it never seems like it’s going to end and u really can’t predict when it is and it’s just everything and it’s horrible i never want to think abt it again it makes me want to fucking throw up and it’s so lonely idek why and it feels like i’m suffocating or not even that really it feels like i’m like inhaling water or smthing and i need to find some other way to pour ur out of me so i can breathe again

but anyways idk that’s not even really a noteable experience but also it was also so much worse this time bcs of my sensory issues being sm worse than normal today for wtvr reason and also my routine has been disrupted multiple times today so like today hasn’t even be bad itself but i’ve just been barely holding myself together anyways bcs of those things. i hate saying that though bcs like just in general i hate talking abt stuff related to autism bcs like that just affects so much of my daily life that i just don’t talk abt to the extent that if i were to mention it more casually i always feel like ppl r going to either think i’m for some reason like faking it bcs i seem ‘more autistic’ or they’re just going to think i’m just weird or smthing along those lines so i just don’t. but it gets to tiring bcs in addition to the shit that i need to deal with anyways i also need to spend effort trying to mask it and then that’s just making the issues worse which makes masking harder which makes the issues worse and i have like one and a half ppl i feel comfortable being a bit more myself around and that’s bcs one of them seems to like personally understand it and the other i do to an extent just bcs i do trust them a lot. but like how am i supposed to explain that like literally today i was going to hang out with my friends and i was excited for it but something came up where i wouldn’t be able to have a routine so then i had to just not go at all but like how do i even explain that like idek why exactly i’m like that myself or how do i explain that yea i have no clue what u just said bcs the lights r too bright so now i’ve just lost the ability to make sense of english when i can barely speak. idk guys tbh i forget where i was even going with this i’m probably just fucking complaining

i just want to feel normal though i hate feeling like this i hate being so dramatic that somehow the thing mentioned at first just randomly happens and i hate feeling so different from almost everyone and i hate feeling like i have nothing else to do and i just fucking hate myself ig

[starstruckloves]

2, 6 and 7 with Lucifer and Licorice !!

yippee !!! 🫶🫶 YAP WARNING:

2 - What's their go-to order at a cafe? What's yours?

wellll for Lucifer, i saw a tumblr post where he would have the most complicated coffee order n i have just been running with that ever since bc it feels so accurate (i sadly do not remember who posted that rn but if anyone does let me know !!!) but for Licorice, i feel like he would try to be all emo n order his coffee black but he just. straight up hates it SJFHSJ he needs something sweet in it.

now me personally, don’t hunt me down y’all but u could not get me to drink coffee for anything tbh. i literally hate the stuff i have tried it so many different ways JDHSJD but since this is a cafeeee, probably uhh,,,, now that i think abt it i literally don’t like sweet foods much either 💀 i guess i would order soda or tea if they had it

6 - They gave you a gift!! What is it?

(talking abt actual me n not my s/i’s) now i’m a sucker for clothing. specifically pink clothing. it would be really easy to just say they buy me something pink but i’ll get a bit more creative

i would absolutely adore a little custom made duck by Lucifer !!! it would be so sososo cute n i would just carry it around like my lil treasure 🫶🫶 for Licorice i feel like he would def worry abt it for way too long SKDJSJ especially if it’s for a special occasion (birthday, christmas, etc) bc he has to absolutely make sure it’s good. he def goes over the top n either tries to use his magic for something or makes me a cute lil outfit !!! he canonically can sew so he’d probably try to make me a piece of clothing or stuffed animal

7 - What's your f/o's favorite form of affection? What's yours?

i feel like they both have the same ones. both enjoying physical touch but the biggest one being words of affirmation. they both need confirmation that i actually like them n that they’re doing enough (n i’m always happy to give that 🫶🫶)

but on the giving side however. Lucifer probably is best at physical touch and gift giving. he’s a lil crafty man so why not ?? plus i feel like if we were to go anywhere he’d constantly be like “oh i can pay for that! :D” n he’ll never let me pay for a goddamn thing KSBDSJ now Licorice,,, i genuinely sat here n thought abt it for 5 minutes bc i could not think of one. closest i can think of is acts of service but if i were to come up with one myself ? bullying. thats it SJDHJSD no but he kinda a grouch so its hard to tell but i feel like if ur close to him, his general coldness becomes playful teasing instead

for me quality time is a big one. i love when others r just generally around me n actually put effort into spending time with me 🫶🫶 but for giving, it’s gift giving all the way. i will spend my money on my friends first n worry abt myself later. i will draw whatever is asked of me if i like u. i love gift giving n seeing ppl actually like what i did :] !!

#ajhejsbd so many words #born to yap forced to YAP LONGER #weird ramblings ☆ #self ship #f/o #☠️🖤 #❤️‍🔥👑

[rahleeyah]

I’ve been away from tumblr for a while, did you always have a gf?!

Re the EO of it all, the reason ppl catastrophize, include me, at every little thing, is because there is little to no movement. When C first came back I was like relax, things are moving along, then they abruptly stopped giving us anything, no EO no movement, no progress for 3 seasons now. I’m tired. Only saving grace is that I don’t really watch OC, and I’m enjoying SVU this season.

LMAO no not always, we've been together a few months 🤣

So the thing is I understand why people catastrophize, I said in my post I'd been doing it myself, for some of the reasons you mentioned. I never said that people shouldn't express disappointment or concern (I expressed my own frustration in that post several times) and I never like. Passed a judgment on anyone for responding in any kind of way. I was asked my opinion and I gave it. I think everybody knows why we and others are frustrated by this, I think there's been plenty of posts on that topic. I don't want you to think you have to defend your position, when in part I agree with it.

The thing is, if all I ever thought about was how the show isn't doing what I want then all the joy I derive from it would be gone, and I would simply stop watching. Life is too short for me to actually be hurt by a TV show. If I genuinely only felt resentment I would stop. But I haven't, bc I don't feel that way.

what I am doing, all the time, is evaluating what we have been given, what we can reasonably expect, what I can do with what we have been given, and whether at the end of the day it still makes me happy. This is work I am doing for me; other people will do things their own way and it's not up to me to tell them what to think or get upset when we're not in lockstep.

When I am asked about my perspective my answer is going to be based on those four questions above. This a network copaganda series that has never done deep dives into relationships and in fact even for the men Olivia was actually sleeping with only ever gave us brief, periodic glimpses into what was going on at home. The franchise prides itself on not doing a lot of relationship work. Whatever we might want, however compelling a story they may have on their hands with EO, they aren't ever going to center EO. Not bc they hate it (tho perhaps some of tptb do) but bc that simply isn't the kind of show this is. It's a hot dog cart, they're not selling pad thai. When all they have to offer us is a hot dog, well. What else did we expect?

Yes they have the means to do more, but to what extent? Mariska and Chris are already on set for their own shows 16 hours a day, when are they supposed to stop work on their individual shows (which the writers/producers of each show have to prioritize their own show over EO, bc EO is not a show, eo is a concept that is connective between two shows but eo doesn't get renewed, the shows do, and so the shows, individually, have to be good on their own merits) and go to a different set? Esp when they're still filming episodes just like 3-4 out from airing? That schedule is TIGHT. Plus oc has had like three showrunners this season and they aren't even halfway thru filming. They barely know what story they're telling over there and it's unclear whether what we have now is the result of current leadership or the last fingerprints of someone who's already gone. I'm not happy with it, and I've expressed my unhappiness with it, but I'm not gonna like. Just keep repeating how disappointing it is.

The echo chamber of negativity hurts me. I know that some people find comfort in hearing people voice their concerns and discussing that together, but to constantly be soaking in that environment clouds my judgment. It pulls me away from my own thoughts and perspective, it stifles my creativity, and it makes me feel bad, when if I only step outside that discourse and evaluate things for myself, I'm actually pretty happy with where we're at.

So again, when I am asked my opinion, I am not going to contribute to a cycle that hurts me. I am going to be honest about my perspective, and offer some encouragement - and, again, not tell others what to feel.

Y'all feel any kind of way you feel. Everybody has a different outlook and it's important for us to hear a range of voices. But this here is my house, and I will not contribute to distressing others as these conversations sometimes distress me. I'm not going to amplify bitterness. I will not foster it in my own heart and I will not do so to others. I genuinely believe we are in a good place, EO wise. I know it is not what we hoped for, but as we have discussed, many times, what we hoped for was not ever really in the cards. We can't be angry the hot dog cart couldn't sell us a gourmet meal. In fact, if we want a gourmet meal, we frankly should not have come to the hot dog cart at all.

Part of what makes EO so compelling is all the space the show leaves for the audience to draw their own conclusions. If the show was slightly better made or all those holes had been filled in, what would there be for fandom to do? A vibrant fandom full of creative ideas and cool fic and long meta needs a source media that is just a little bit bad, and leaves some of those doors open for interpretation. So I'm glad they're a little bad. That gives me room to work.

That was. Way too long, and not at all what you asked, but I'm still drinking my coffee lmao

#anonymous #e.o asks #s.vu

[lesbianlenas]

do you ever wish you liked men sexually and romantically? or are you only thankful and happy to be a lesbian?

ok short answer is no i feel so blessed & grateful to be a lesbian. but long answer for if u r genuinely curious bc i did feel that way for a long time when i was younger & i can tell u why i don’t feel like that anymore. so like when i was 16-17 (& if u were following me in 2017 in particular & have an insanely good memory u may remember somehow) but i used to make posts abt it too but at the time i was calling myself bi & i would say that like oh i’m not attracted to men rn but i will be one day bc at the time i hated the idea of being gay & ppl knowing i was attracted to girls so i was like really obsessed w the idea that i would one day be magically attracted to men so no one would ever have to know abt that. & like i did the standard like picking out boys in my classes to be like i should have a crush on him sort of thing and i had since i was very little like copied my friends whenever they said they liked a boy i would too kind of thing. but like by the time i was 13 i knew i was gay & for a lot of reasons i really didn’t want to be so i was just in denial abt it after and doing that stuff to convince myself i wasnt. & it wasn’t until i was 18 that i was like i can’t keep lying to myself abt this & even then i was still like this is so unfair i don’t want to be gay etc. it was more so when i really started centering my life around women & focusing on feminism that i was like actually it is a blessing to not have to center my life around any man esp given the experiences that a lot of my female family members had w men and that i had had w my dad. like when i had been considering my life thru a heteronormative lens the idea of getting married was miserable to me & i was refusing to learn how to cook & stuff bc i didn’t want to be a housewife so much. and i know that is tied to my lesbianism but realizing that i could be happy & fulfilled w/o a man and that i could love & be loved by other women instead like fully accepting the fact that i was a lesbian & for the first time starting to not feel ashamed abt it i was like actually this is great for me. growing up going to catholic school & my family being conservative & stuff i never even considered any other options for myself other than like growing up & marrying a man & p much having that option taken from me was actually so freeing bc i felt very trapped by it. and i began to feel so much more comfortable in myself once i stopped feeling the need to like present myself for men or think abt what they thought of me. so genuinely i wouldn’t give up being a lesbian for anything i would never ever choose to be straight. i love being a lesbian & i fully believe my life is way better bc of it. like i could die alone etc & i would still be glad i was born a lesbian idc. & tbh wish i could go back 10 yrs ago to when i was crying abt it & repressed it & tell myself how happy i am abt it now…….so like yeah long answer is i used to but i never will again ❤️

#i like vividly remember the moment i accepted i was a lesbian & being so upset abt it bc i didn’t want it to be true #vs now it is one of my favorite things abt myself wouldn’t trade it for anything etc. & i love that for me 😌 #anonymous #ask //

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

ok its been literally 15 minutes since the finale ended and im getting off the TOH tag.

I am SO DISAPPOINTED in a certain side of this fandom.

it took less than FIFTEEN MINUTES to see enough "lollllll lumity went canon and huntlow didn't, get WRECKED YOU STINKY STRAIGHTS LOL BURY UR GAYS UNO REVERSE LMAOOOOO HOW DOES IT FEEL NASTY ICKY BAD STRAIGHT SHIPPERS" posts to make me actually consider whether I'd rather the show have had a sad ending.

not bc of huntlow, i ship it but never put any hope or weight on it going canon. I'm not "anti-lumity" or whateverthefuck, I don't really think about ships that much in 99.9% of fandoms.

...yall are just extremely fucking

IMMATURE.

I'm queer. I understand how much pain we've dealt with even SOLELY in terms of media rep. I even understand the glee at the concept of "straightbaiting" actually being a thing that happened here.

I also understand the EXTREMELY JUSTIFIED concern and anger around some parts of the fandom seeming to abandon the BIPOC WLW main character/main ship in favor of the Sad Greasy White Boy Of The Week And His White Straight Girlfriend.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why so many "fans" are taking this EXTREMELY POSITIVE, LITERALLY GROUNDBREAKING and immediately turning it against their fellow fans. All this amazing rep, characterization, EVERYTHING and you still find a way to be cruel to your fellow fans.

this isn't a contest.

Lumity is canon.

Huntlow is not.

Huntlow was not a focus of the finale.

I can guarantee you that after that finale, NOBODY was thinking about Huntlow until yall started being fucking mean about it.

YOU brought up the thing you claimed to want the fandom to stop focusing on, for the SINGULAR PURPOSE of enacting some sort of "revenge" on shippers that you projected a whoooole lot of Racism, Homophobia, and Evil onto, despite:

Bi Hunter, Transmasc Hunter, Transfemme Willow, and T4T Huntlow all being EXTREMELY popular hcs/themes in and out of shipping context

A fair chunk of the fandom seeing Willow as BIPOC/East Asian -coded

ALL of the masc presenting queers w parental and/or religious trauma who have spoken out about how seen they feel bc of Hunter

I'm not saying Hunter was a perfect character. He definitely wasn't the main character, or even close.

I'm saying that yall have demonized this part of the fandom SO MUCH that after THAT FINALE.

*THAT. FINALE.*

your FIRST INSTINCT was to ATTACK THEM

over the SHIP (I REPEAT MYSELF) THAT YOU SAID YOU WANTED PPL TO STOP TALKING ABOUT.

I was having a really fun, good, genuine amazing time freaking my shit over Titan!Luz, and Lumity, and Raeda, and King and The Collector and TITAN LUZ!!!!!

yknow. all the stuff the finale was actually about.

and now I'm thinking mainly of huntlow (or at least the discourse around it), angry, and extremely sad that my experience of this finale has been ruined

and that this fandom is the latest to fall into the trap of "blame other fans for actual systemic oppression, regardless of whether or not they are actually upholding it."

I don't know how to get it through your heads that a heavily T4T-headcanoned, likely biracial-coded ship that is CANONICALLY a healing narrative for trauma survivors

is not fucking reylo.

this Evil In Fandom you're angry at 1000% exists but it sure as fuck isn't here.

unless there's a Secret Second Huntlow Fandom That Is Evil And Racist And Hates Lumity that idk abt, this is just a group of sad queer kids sitting next to your own group of sad queer kids

and despite me seeing ZERO ACTUAL HUNTLOW COMMENTS ABOUT THE FINALE * AT ALL *

you, whatever side of the fandom is doing this (I honestly don't know who is making these posts) aren't proving, winning, fixing or righting anything

you're going over to another side of the fandom whose ship didnt go canon

and with ZERO PROVOKATION

you're making them feel like shit for it.

why???

WHY??????

yall "won". you won as much as you can possibly win here. everybody loves the finale. nobody is giving anything but overwhelming love, happy tears, joy and awe to "your" win.

but you still felt the need to make sure someone, somewhere, knew that they "lost".

sry im just so angry at this rn. i was having so much fun. what the fuck is this kind of behavior supposed to prove?

also btw to be clear this is NOT DIRECTED AT ALL OR MOST LUMITY SHIPPERS, LUZ STANS, ETC. ITS NOT EVEN DIRECTED AT "HUNTLOW-ANTIS" EXCEPT THE *SPECIFIC PEOPLE* WHO CHOSE TO USE THE FINALE TO BASH ON OTHERS.

AS FOR THOSE SPECIFIC PEOPLE:

YOU SUCK!!!!!! Thanks for ruining this fantastic experience for me by being a piece of shit on main over some "shipper" crap im not even in.

#toh spoilers #the owl house spoilers #vent #rant #fandom wank #discourse #Literally What The Fuck #shit like this makes it so much easier for ACTUAL PEOPLE IN POWER to write off queer narratives and fanbases #theres also legit no point #nobody is attacking yall in the toh fandom ok???? #i was having FUN #AND NOW I WANT TO CRY #NOT BC OF SHIPS #BUT BC PPL ARE BEING SO MEAN LITERALLY JUST TO BE MEAN #im blocking ship tags from now on methinkd #Grow. Up. #angry post #long post #longpost