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1dmonthlyficroundup · 3 years

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1D Monthly Fic Roundup

Hi, and welcome to the 1D Monthly Fic Roundup for April 2021! Below the cut you’ll find 17 One Direction fics that were all published this month in the order they were submitted to the blog. We hope you’ll check out these new fics! If you would like to submit your own fic, please check this post on how to submit or visit our blog @1dmonthlyficroundup.

To Begin Again by @chloehl10 / lovelarry10

[Harry/Louis, 23k, Teen and Up, tumblr post]

“I, uh, I’m really sorry for yelling at you like I did.”

“Hey, I deserved it and more. I’m lucky you didn’t come and deck me on the nose,” Louis said, holding his hands up as if to surrender. “Seriously, you went lightly on me. If a crazy dog was leaping around me and my kids, I’d have lost my shit long before you did, and it would have been a lot more sweary than yours as well.”

Harry laughed at that, quite liking the man now he was getting to know him. This Louis seemed to have a good sense of humour, and his dog was fairly likeable too, laying there sound asleep, sunbathing.

“Well, I don’t usually lose my temper, so I just wanted to apologise.”

“It’s me who needs to say sorry. My stupid dog ate their bloody eggs, and on Easter Sunday at that. It’s a good job we don’t go to church, Cliff, or we’d both be going straight to hell. Nice ears, by the way. I meant to say earlier.”

*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*

Harry’s ready to spend a fun Easter morning with his two children at the park, but it’s thrown into chaos when an over-excited dog and his owner come barrelling into their lives…

A Small Matter (A Matter of Trust) by @kingsofeverything

[Harry/Louis, 18k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Harry knows he and his Grindr hookup would be perfect together, if only he could convince him to give a relationship a chance.

Or Harry has a thing for jock straps. Louis likes to wear them.

Are you proud of me? by @sadaveniren

[Harry/Louis, 2k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Louis was completely naked, except for a silk scarf that Harry had never seen before. It was tied around his neck like a bow. His lithe body was cast in dramatic shadows as he descended the stairs and all Harry could think was holy shit, mine, mine, mine.

“Well this is a shame. I was hoping you’d keep the boa.”

Harry blinked in surprise at his voice. He was too caught up in his perfection. “What?”

“I guess the leather will do. I do love you dressed in leather.”

aka I show up 2 weeks late with Grammy Fic

Right Back Home to You by @behindmeday

[Harry/Nick Grimshaw, 4k, Teen & Up, tumblr post]

It wasn’t the first time Harry and Nick were cut off before they really got started talking. In fact, it seemed to be happening more often than not. Nick had an insane schedule that no rational person would choose, but Harry’s was even worse. Between the early mornings on The Breakfast Show and the never-ending time zone changes of tour, it seemed that Harry and Nick weren’t really meant to have any real conversations these days.

Or, Harry writes Nick a song.

take my hand (my whole life too) by @beckydoesthings / beckywritesthings

[Harry/Louis, 44k, Explicit, tumblr post]

“You’re famous?” he asks, deciding to dive straight into the heart of the issue.

Harry winces, dropping his gaze to the table. “Erm… famous is one word for it.”

Well, that’s reassuring. Louis raises an eyebrow until Harry heaves a sigh and continues.

“How much do you know about the British monarchy?”

His stomach drops to the floor in a heartbeat, jaw following suit. There’s no way that what Harry’s insinuating is possible. But as the time ticks by, there’s no change in the deadly serious expression on Harry’s face, fingers twitching steadily on the table as he waits for Louis’ answer.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Or a Crazy Rich Asians AU with a royal twist where Harry is a prince, Louis is most definitely not, and there’s a royal wedding to attend.

Forever Is In Your Eyes by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed / we_are_the_same

[Harry/Louis, 126k, Teen & Up, tumblr post]

Harry looks fragile in the moonlight, and Louis stands there, pondering, not even sure what it is that he’s thinking of. It’s all just noise in his head, a mix of melancholy and desire, of longing for something that he doesn’t even have a name for.

He wants-

He wants love. He wants to be held and cherished and have a home. Not just a place to lay his head down at night. He wants to be loved the way that Louis had loved creating Harry. He wants his perfect man, but he wants him to be real. He wants Harry to be real-

His lips press against marble, against something cold and unforgiving, and it’s not until his hand comes up to rest against a sculpted neck that his eyes fly open and he stumbles backwards, nearly falling off the stepladder that he’d stood on.

“Jesus Christ.” He whispers, shaking his head and resisting the urge to brush the back of his hand against his lips, erase evidence that isn’t even visible to the naked eye. Harry stands there, as though nothing’s changed, and of course he does, because he’s a statue.

A statue that Louis has just kissed.

Stuck in an eternal spring by @chrysopon / flamboyo

[Louis/Zayn, 4k, Teen & Up, tumblr post]

Louis is about to go crazy in the silent solitude of London’s lockdown. The only breach into the grey monotony of his days is the hope of catching a glimpse of the dark-haired guy who lives in the building across the street. One night they have their night cigarette together while both in their flats, twenty meters and an empty, quiet street between them. It becomes a habit, but maybe there’s hope for it to become something more.

It’s Been So Long by @elsi-bee / elsi_bee

[Harry/Louis, 31k, Teen & Up, tumblr post]

Harry Styles’ first crush was one of his sister’s best friends, a certain someone named Louis Tomlinson. And Louis? He just vaguely remembers Gemma’s younger brother from back in the day.

A lot can change in ten years.

Featuring Niall and Liam as Harry’s friends, flirting, fluff, and flashbacks to the awkward days of high school.

This Dream Lost by @zanniscaramouche / zanni_scaramouche

[Liam/Louis/Harry, 5k, Mature, tumblr post]

It’s a dangerous game to play his Alpha like this, and it gives Harry a thrill through his spine he’s not sure he likes. It’ll be worth it, but he doubts he’ll be pulling any surprises on Louis for a while after this. He can’t fucking stand it as is and it’s not even really for Louis, it’s for Liam.

Mercy by @zanniscaramouche / zanni_scaramouche

[Niall/Shawn Mendes, 5k, Explicit, tumblr post]

“I-” Shawn licks his lips, eyes bright and wide with the shock.

Balls in his court now. He could refuse, step away from the line they’re toeing and laugh it off. But he doesn’t, just like Niall knew he wouldn’t. Because Shawn wants this. They both do, and that’s what makes it so fucking insane.

Blind Faith by @2tiedships2

[Harry/Louis, 18k, Mature, tumblr post]

“Harry?” Liam prompted.

“I’m blind,” Harry eventually said, trying his best to keep himself from crying.

Liam was silent for a few moments, before responding, “That’s not exactly news, H. You were blind when I met you a year and a half ago. Have you been in denial this whole time or something?”

“No, Liam,” Harry cut in. “This is different. I’m not legally blind like I used to say. It’s not just my night vision. The tunnel from my tunnel vision has closed. I’m fucking blind! I moved halfway around the world in the hope of finding my soulmate and it’s obviously not happening now. Not even a soulmate is going to want to put up with a blind alpha.“

The Journal by @wait4ever / RecycledStardust & @evilovesyou / 4ureyesonly28

[Louis/Harry, 14k, General, tumblr post]

When Harry finds himself purchasing an antique journal in the ancient bookshop of a town he’s never heard of, he doesn’t exactly want to admit that he has no idea how he got there. A myriad of odd coincidences and a few kind smiles from the shopkeeper have the two of them working hard to solve the mystery of this strange journal that seems to have been waiting for Harry for almost a hundred and thirty years.

But I’m the Quarterback by @evilovesyou / 4ureyesonly28

[Harry/Louis, 52k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Harry Styles is the quarterback of Sunny High’s football team, dating the beautiful head cheerleader, and determined to enter his senior year with focus and discipline. That is, until a strange man shows up at his home, makes his girlfriend break up with him, and convinces his parents to send him off to a “reparative therapy camp” over the summer.

At True Directions, Harry meets four other boys and five girls, all there to be cured of their homosexuality. He has to find a way out of this place as soon as possible—Christ, he isn’t even gay!

Know a Trick or Two by @sadaveniren

[Harry/Louis, 45k, Explicit, tumblr post]

The night before Louis is scheduled for a Portkey to begin training with the Vratsa Vultures in Bulgaria he heads into Muggle London for one last night of fun. A few months later he finds out he’s having a child.

Eleven years ago Harry had a one night stand and now there’s a strange man on his doorstep telling him his daughter is something called a wizard and she’s got a place at the British wizarding school Hogwarts.

Aka the one where Muggle Harry and Wizard Louis have a one night stand and get more than they bargained out of it.

Until That Day by @kingsofeverything

[Harry/Louis, 44k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Harry Styles is days away from walking down the aisle when his previous failed weddings are turned into a public spectacle by jaded London journalist Louis Tomlinson. Hoping to witness Harry leave another groom at the altar, Louis heads to Holmes Chapel, where nothing goes as planned, and he finds himself falling for the serial heartbreaker.

A Runaway Bride movie AU

Caught In Your Gravity by @lululawrence

[Harry/Louis, 63k, Not Rated, tumblr post]

It felt like the blood froze in Harry’s veins even as he got a bit lightheaded. He hadn’t even made it two practices, only one of which he was remotely in charge of, without giving it all away and now he and Liam were both absolutely fucked.

“Shit,” Harry breathed out. “Who all have you told? Does everyone know? I thought I covered it better than that…”

“No, no,” Louis said quickly. “They’ll figure it out soon enough, though, because they’ll get used to you changing things up, but you’re only going to trip over your so called Americanisms for so long before they realize it’s because you don’t actually know fuck all about football.”

Harry sighed. “Yeah. I figured. I just need to bullshit for long enough to allow Liam to get the situation figured out from his end.”

“Right, which brings me to my entire point. I think we can find a mutually beneficial arrangement with all of this.” Louis leaned forward. “You need to learn the ins and outs of the sport incredibly fast. I can help you with that.”

“What do you want in exchange?”

Or, an AU inspired by a 30 second trailer of Ted Lasso that doesn’t actually have much in common with the show at all.

Passing By by @larryyouknow

[Harry/Louis, 48k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Sometimes, people are in each other’s lives just for the briefest of moments. They meet and then go their separate ways because being vulnerable is scary and it might be easier to not let anybody else in. But some people aren’t meant to be just passing by. Maybe when they open their eyes, they can learn things about themselves they haven’t known before. If they let their hearts speak they will find a way to be together.

Or the one where Harry doesn’t even know he’s into guys until he meets Louis on a boat trip. There’s something more to their friendship but it ain’t gonna be smooth sailing.

#28th appreciation #tracksintheam #1dsource #trackinghome #april 2021 #april masterpost #sorry if you got notified for the first post #tumblr destroyed it and it had to be redone

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spotofimagines · 3 years

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Rivals Last ~ Jadon Sancho

A/N: So I had this in my drafts before he signed with man united but that's fine, we move, we adapt. A third piece for the @footballffbarbiex summer challenge. Hope you enjoy it :)

Warnings: none - reader is female

Summary: You love both your brothers dearly, but being in the football world with them can make some things a little complicated.

gif by @archivesbvb - gif by @ermuellert - gif by @italynt

Being a footballer meant living in a special world. Being in a footballing family meant living in a special world too. Being the younger sister of Lucas and Theo Hernandez meant living in a really special world. But nobody told you just how crazy it would be for all three of those things to apply to you.

You truly love watching your older brothers play football. They teach you something new during every match you see; even though you play as a striker, their movements and handling of the ball always inspire you to play better. After all, it was their defensive skills that helped you become a good goal scorer growing up since they never let a tackle go unchallenged in the park and you had to find out how to manoeuvre around them. A lot easier said than done.

Currently Lucas is signed with Bayern Munich. In his time there so far, he has learnt the heritage, history, and importance of wearing the badge and defending its honour in every match they play, especially derbies. Having supported Lucas, it quickly became easy for you to support Bayern Munich too and celebrate their victories like it was your own team. You'd always managed to do it with the clubs both your brothers played for, letting the atmosphere of the fanbase carry you away.

You have just finished your second season in England with Manchester City women's team. You'd settled in nicely now, having learnt a lot of the English language and culture already. The experience was made so much easier because of the help given by your welcoming teammates and the staff that translated things into French and Spanish during your first months there.

Fans were a little disappointed during the 2019 summer transfer window when it was confirmed all three Hernandez siblings would be leaving Spain to play separately in England, Germany and Italy, joking that no one could know what might happen with you all so far away. However, to you, it made things easier, as Lucas and Theo would stop making so many awful jokes about each other's clubs, only to join forces to diss your club even more afterward. Now the only connection you have to the clubs you all play for is the want for your sibling to win with them. And it is a great feeling. A welcome change of pace.

But no new change to your life felt as good as your blossoming "relationship", situationship, whatevership, you have with Jadon Sancho.

It all started with you flirting back and forth on social media, which turned itself into countless hours of DMs no one else could see. You congratulated his goals and he congratulated your wins. All the light-hearted teasing and the warm-hearted compliments stayed in your own little bubble. The only thing peeking out was your silly inside rule that if you were going to comment on a post, it had to be emojis only, stretching to a few words if you really couldn't help yourself - but it would earn you taunts from the other for the rest of the night.

Some eagle-eyed fans noticed how you'd been liking each other's posts every time they appeared for a while now, but it just added to the fun and thrill you got from flirting with him so much.

You weren't meant to be forming a bond with Jadon. He played for your brother’s rival. He was supposed to be the enemy. Someone you should dislike with a snap of your fingers. Certainly not a boy to fall for like you have.

You couldn't help yourself. Lucas and Theo had helped you since you moved to England by being the steady rocks they always were, cheering you on from afar. Your new teammates had helped you since you moved to England by introducing fun things for you all to do together and taking you under their wings. But Jadon had helped you in a different kind of way. He gave you a new kind of comfort and reassurance when you talked. He became someone to turn to with all your interesting news and your curious problems. He told you the good places to visit around the city that he remembered from his time there and taught you English slang to make your teammates laugh. You spoke three languages to varying degrees now, and you'd managed to pick up more German vicariously through Lucas in two years faster than Jadon had done living in Germany in four years, so you'd clue him into rude German phrases you had asked Lucas about, alongside the French and Spanish swear words he used more often than English ones now when you text.

Even though a language barrier comes up once in a while, you have both learnt behaviours from each other and crave the contact you share. Jadon was starting to drop everything to send replies to you, a change his teammates have noticed and jokingly mock him for. Little did they know the unknown girl they joke he is smitten over is the sister of their rival.

Theo is the one in your family you usually tell about the boys you go out with; boyfriends and dates have been shared with him since you were 13 and doting on your first crush. He does the same with his girlfriends; asking advice and telling you more than you need to know at times. So, when you all went home for a bit of family time around Christmas, nothing could stop him from noticing the tell-tale signs that you had something going on. He already figured out through persistence that it was another player you were getting involved with, and his insistent questioning hasn't stopped in his search for who the player is.

But you keep it hidden from Lucas, and you don't know when you'll tell him. He has been your protector since you were kids, comforting you on sad nights when no one else was there, teaching you little secrets about how to navigate through the world, he even punched a boy who teased you once at school. The idea of telling him you were chatting romantically to another player would be trouble enough, but telling him it was a Dortmund player might just end up in another schoolground incident. You hadn't wanted Theo to know for fear he'd go dishing your dirt to Lucas, but he discovered it on his own and there was nothing you could do.

Who knows what might become of this thing you have with Jadon, and lord knows your eldest brother owns a hard as nails death stare that just might do Jadon in, but for now you actually quite like having the secret. A little mystery tucked away up your sleeve.

The rush you always get when Lucas calls your phone as you're typing a text to the Englishman, feeling as though the first words from the other end will be shouts of how he knows everything and he'll never speak to you again for keeping it a secret, fills you with dread at times. But it never is the reason he calls, and it turns out he is just making plans or has something funny to tell you. But the way your heart thumps as you go back to texting Jadon, that is part of the chase you have to admit you enjoy.

Hardcore fans online have noticed the past few months that when you do interviews in English, the odd slang term comes up during jokes - terms you hadn't used before and stem more from London boroughs than northen towns - so speculation of how you'd learnt these things easily coincided with dating rumors.

Lucas had seen the speculation online; seen fans trying to put your interactions with the Dortmund player together through both your instagram stories and comments and the tweets you both had liked about the other. Lucas had even grown suspicious of the little questions you asked him about Germany, German phrases and his lifestyle there, not knowing why you would need nor want to know those things. But Lucas doesn't believe it. He knows that you know better to mix with a Dortmund boy.

Sometimes an older brother just doesn't get it quite right…

Soon, the chance will come to really see if your connection is something you can build on. Jadon's new signing with Manchester United has been confirmed and he will be moving back to England. It is a great opportunity to get to see him more often, rather than the odd rendezvous point or clandestine trip during small breaks in the season. You'll spend more time face to face instead of over the phone. You'll get to wake up in his bed and him in yours, without needing to sneak away from hotel rooms afterwards. You'll maybe even get to go on a proper date, just the two of you, where you can flirt across the table your joined hands rest upon. Hanging out with Jadon won't be the first time you've spent time together in person. However, getting a full day with only the two of you where you won't have to pretend you hardly know who he is, and you won't have to pretend your eyes aren't meeting across the group of people you're in - it fills your stomach with knots and butterflies.

A certain pressure has fallen off you now Jadon has no growing rivalry with Lucas, but not completely. You won't be able to take back the way their teams made the other feel in the past, but the fact there won't be more of it next season comforts you a little. The biggest thing that will hold you back from going public before the new season starts will be the media, but that is an issue you can't even begin to worry about yet. You are too caught up in the excitement of being in the same town as Jadon to care. Rumours are spinning crazier than ever about you two as some of your liked tweets about his move got reposted by sports pages and fan blogs - now joking about him being your rival instead of your brother's - and yet it didn't stop you, no longer all that bothered about keeping a low profile now you both will be living away from Lucas. If he gets mad, all he will be able to do is shout down the phone, and whilst you never want that to happen, you know the time to flourish with Jadon and capitalise on the foundation you have already built is better than ever, brothers be damned.

There are big changes coming for the both of you, yet one thing will remain the same no matter the outcome of your relationship. You can't quite stop being football rivals.

#jadon sancho #lucas hernandez #theo hernandez #jadon sancho imagine #jadon sancho x reader #football #football imagine #oneshot #my fic #my og post

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dreaminpeaches · 3 years

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“Ladies, Gentlemen, Enbies...HER--I mean Him? Or them?-- whatever, anyways here's the first part of my daydream paracosm, Humble Pie. I was really happy I was able to come up with the first part in a somewhat cohort manner. Part 2 is also going to follow this sometime soon, but after that its probably just gonna be short shorts, text exchanges, and or drabbles, but that first part’s finally a thing! And that’s cool”

“Also just reminder that this paracosm is set in a mix timeline, like people have flip phones, cassette tapes, but still also have stuff like gamer chairs, and slang like sus/lit exist, so I hope that doesn’t bother you..oof”

“Also I wrote this from my Remarkable, then convert it to text, and did some proof reading, but my handwriting is still can only be read by chickens and my dyslexia ninja has sneak 100 accuracy so..yeah

Word count: 6,115

TW: mention of Bullying, DeadBeat dad, Smoking, Drinking, Swearing (only for comedy’s sake tho’), Dissociation, Guilt (but don’t worry there’s still A LOT of fluff in this piece, tho)

Link to Alternate version on my off-site daydream blog: Humble pie part 1

=================================================================

"Okay, here we go" Beau said, taking one last drag of his cigarette, and taking in one last look at the panoramic view of the town below, Newbury, his hometown, he was away for a year because of college which he dropped out of. Well, "dropout" made it seemed like he had a choice, more like he flunked out, there were' 'reasons that 'made college impossible for Beau, reasons that he couldn't get into or more like reasons he didn't want to get into, these were the some reasons that turned what was suppose to be a 5 hour drive into an 8 hour one, making him stop ever so often to the nearest park, overlook, or clearing to get out, smoke and or take a short walk. These stops were so frequent by the time he reached his hometown’s overlook he was on his last stick, hard to believe he started the trip w/ a full box.

He dropped the last of the remains of the cig on the ground and stomped out the glow ember with his dark brown rounded toed boot, watching the embers glow go out made him feel similar in a way.

Beau took one more last look at the small town below blanketed by the dark, light sky. He looked around. the overlook, bring back memories of. late night make outs, sneak outs and general teenaged shenanigans.

Beau remembers once on a night he was really buzzed, a rare event for him, drinking with his buddies, rather it was the buzz from the beer, or he was just 'riding the 'high off scoring the winning goal for the team, or general teen hormones. He felt invincible, so invincible he stood up on the ledge and proclaimed himself as king of the world

A moment Beau looks back at and shakes his head as if to try to erase the memory from his mind like an etch n’ sketch, suddenly he got a bad taste in his mouth or maybe that's just the cigarettes "King of world….yeah, right" Beau said pulling up the collar of his jacket and shrugging his hands into his pockets, and headed back into the car.

It was getting late and there was no use in stalling any longer, might as well continue to the inevitable. Stalling may be that’s the feeling that's been following him the whole time, stalling the fact that he would have to return to his hometown a failure after being touted and praised for being a star athlete , and getting into a ivy league school, a feat his mom was really proud since she herself couldn't go to college because of having Beau at such a young age, and having to deal with a bunch of other “BS” as Beau would put it.

Beau really wanted to make her proud by becoming a famous football player and make tons of money so she wouldn't ever have to worry about bills n 'stuff and live in the malibu dream house she dreamed of living in since she was a kid, a dream she would talk about to her children like it was fairytale during when time got real tough.Even though she sounded upbeat over the phone about the news, Beau knew his mom was an expert when it came to masking her disappointment and skill that was pretty integral with dealing Beau's birth father. He just hopes she's not too disappointed

As the twilight sky grew more dark the street lights flickered on. Familiar and nostalgic landmarks and structures rolled by as Beau drove by with one hand gripping the wheel while the other hand hung casually out of the rolled down window. the nighttime breeze gentle, tossing his cart dirty blond hair mullet. The 'murmur of punk music lighty playing from the car's speaker, that was playing louder earlier but the volume's quickly depleted because blasting punk 'music at night in a small town is pretty serious offensive a risk, a younger Beau would play around with, but now being older he knows better.

Driving into his old neighborhood, seemingly not much has changed, but what do you expect from a small town? The old neighborhood consisted of typical signatures of most middle upper class .. neighborhoods, Christmas ' decorations long over due to be taken down, manicured lawns, next to slightly less manicured lawns. Some lawns adored w/ gnomes and flamingos, a step up from the lawns of homes in his childhood neighborhood whose homes had what one could consider a lawn but just barely, Beau and his brother were lucky enough to have a sizable back yard and a tree house.

His family's lawn had a bunch of outdoor toys laid about on their lawn: a nerf gun, a pink tricycle, a tiled dyed color bouncy ball and an empty container of mega bubble wand. Beau drove up in the driveway being careful to not accidentally run over any of the toys in the yard.

He eject the mixtape from the player and put it into his jacket chest pocket. Beau leaned over and rummaged through the glove compartment fishing out a small travel can of axe's body spray and another small spray can of mouthwash, he used both to cover the scent of cigarette smoke, a smell his mother was highly sensitive to. He popped in a stick of spearmint for extra measure before getting out of the car and going to the trunk to retrieve his suitcase. Beau only had one suitcase since all the stuff really needed and cared about conveniently fitted in one suitcase.

Beau propped up his suitcase as he closed the trunk, the car beeped and blinked as he pressed the lock button. He headed up the pathway to the front door, his heart beating louder and louder with each step leading up to the front door.

Beau took a deep breath, Pulling himself together. "Okay" He said under his breath as his hand slowly reach for the knob but before he could even get a good grip, the door swung open, Beau's eyes raced up to see the thinning hair of a middle aged man, Beau eyes lowered a bit more to see the mustached clad face of the man the hair belonged to. "Hey, Big Boss! '' the mustache man said with a grin. The man was Beau's stepfather, David.

"Hello, David, I-I mean Dad." Beau awkwardly greeted his stepdad, trying his best not to show discomfort at his step dad's “nickname" for him.

"Ha, ha that's okay, son!”David laughed, giving Beau a hefty pat on the back.

"Here, let me get your bags." David said, reaching for Beau's suitcase, looking behind Beau expecting more bags

“You only brought one bag?" he questioned, looking curiously.

'--I like to be efficient" Beau muttered with a shrug and a side glance. "HAHA you and me both, Big B" David chuckled playful elbowing Beau, who gave a half-smile and a small chuckle--well, more like a slight nose huff

"Hey, honey Big B is home!" David shouted as Beau closed the front door.

His mother came rushing from the bedroom in her rose pink robe w/a barbie in insignia on the front with matching fuzzy slippers, her sandy blond hair still damp from the shower.

"My little boy, oh!" she said, warping Beau in a tight motherly embrace. "Welcome home!" Beau's mother pulled back for a second, cupping her son's face in her hands “you’re still so handsome"

"Wait..." Beau gently removed his mom's hands from his face "Are you okay, mom?" He asked his considerate brown eyes searching his mother's teal eyes for any sign of distress.

"Of course, sweetie," his mom beamed. "I have all of my loved ones under one roof. What's more to ask?"

it's just that I didn't- Y-you know." Beau said with downcast eyes

"Oh, that" his mom said wide eyes and then shaking her head in dismissed

"Don't worry about not finishing college, I mean just look at me"

“But You just seemed so proud that I got in, I just didn't want to let you down"

“Sweetie, it's fine," his mom said, gently guiding his head up with her hand to look at him "I was not proud that-You were becoming the smart, sweet kind young man, I always knew you were, but now. I'm just happy that you’re here and I get to see you go. on the journey myself!" Beau chuckled tightly and blushed at his mom's admiration.

"Plus, Your mom's not the only one who is happy to have You home!” David said, gesturing towards the hallway. Beau looked to see a small figure peeking from the corner, the figure quickly disappeared followed by an overflow of giggles.

A smile slowly creeped across Beau's face, he slowly kneeled down. " "Gasp * Is that my little care bear?"

From the shadows totted out, a little girl dressed in a blue care bear patterned nightgown, her blonde hair tied up in pigtails, she grasped a love-a-lot bear in one arm while her other arm was open as she raced towards Beau, also with arms wide open for a hug "Bo-Bo"

"Hey, care bear!" Beau cooed as he picked up his little sister "Wow, You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!

"Carrie's been asking when you were coming since you told us you were coming home "David stated

"Really?"

"Yep!'' Carrie nodded proudly "You still have the love-a lot bear I won at grad night". Beau vividly remembers winning Love A Lot and his friends making fun of him, but Carrie really appreciated it more than he thought.

"Yeah, she takes it with her everywhere!" mom emphasized “Thank god, the kindergarten has a security blanket policy!

"Aww..." Beau said fondly looking at Carrie, who had her head resting on his shoulder, still grasping love a lot.

Beau thought for a moment and looked around "wait, where Dev?"

"Oh" mom said putting her hand on her head with a semi sigh "He's been going through... things"

"Teenager things: David specified "He's the big one three now.. "

“Don't worry, I can talk to him!”Beau said, confidently, slowly nodding his head

. Carrie lets out a small yawn "Aw, you sleepy, care bear?" Beau asked as Carrie rubbed her eyes

"It's past her bedtime, but she really wanted to see you," Mom said, stroking Carrie's hair. "Is someone ready for the sleep shuttle'?" Beau asked Carrie, looking at her in her sleepy hazel eyes, she nodded in response

"Alright, Here we go!" Beau held Carrie in both hands placing his arms out in front of him, he kneeled down and started counting down. "3…..2...1. Blast off!"

Beau shot Carrie in the as he stood back up. As he moved towards Carrie's bedroom, he moved all around side to side, up and down while making spaceship sounds, Carrie was giggling all the way through.

"Incoming! "Beau shouted as he swooshed Carrie round a few more times before landing her swiftly on the bed.

"Huston, the eagle. has landed!." Beau said, holding his ear as if he had an earpiece "Not eagle! Bear!" Carrie stated holding up her care bear "correction, the "BEAR" has landed!" Beau correcting himself, bringing a huge smile to her face as she nuzzled her care bear

"Okay, night, right, care bear" Beau said patting carries head

"Wait!" Carrie said holding on to her brother's arm "Is Bo-Bo still gonna be here in the Morning?""Of course, I'm not going anywhere at least for a while.." "Beau said, kneeling down to Carrie's eye level.

"Okay, I like having Bo-Bo around:'' Carrie said "and I like being around" Beau said, "see you in the morning, care bear" Beau gives Carrie a good night kiss on the forehead.

She settles into bed as Beau closes the door. Beau grinned to himself, feeling lucky to have such a cute sister. He remembers when Devin was that little, speaking of Dev. Beau apphoraced Dev's bedroom door. The door was caution tape, Don't enter signs, with a please knock before entering sign.

At first Beau did think about knocking but then thought "I could be a respectful older brother respect the sign or I could have fun and be a little shit. He pondered about it for a minute then-"yeah, I'm gonna be a little shit.”

Beau took a card out his wallet and wedged it in between the door to jimmied the lock. He peeked through the door to see Dev playing a video game on the tv. "you little..." Beau said under his breath, before bombastically opening the door "Hey there, squirt!" Beau said, shoving the door open

"Didn't you read the sign?!" Dev said as he turned around in his gamer chair in both shock-and annoyance

"Wow, that's a pretty warm welcome to give your older brother you haven't seen in a year!" Beau snarked, pretending to look hurt'' "Nice to see you too!"

"Oh my god!" Dev said, rolling his eyes and turning his chair back to tv, bringing his attention back to the game.

"and here I thought you were working on a project or homework or some school shit!" Beau continued "but no, you're just sitting here playing one of your little nerd games"

"Oh my god, can't you just leave!" Dev groaned as he hunching closer to the tv.

"You couldn't at least say "Hi" " Beau said now standing right behind Dev gamer chair

Dev raised and waved his hand half-heartedly and flatly said "hi"

"Well, damn I feel loved," Beau said sarcastically. "aren't you at least gonna look at me?" shaking the gaming chair a bit to gain an ounce of his little brother’s attention.

“ I saw you "Kool aid man" into my room. Is that enough?" Dev said still focusing on the game Beau sighed, then got an idea "Dev! Dev! I think there's something wrong with my heart I think I gonna-ugh!" He said staggering forward a bit before falling in Dev's lap, knocking out the game controller out of Dev's hands.

"Come on! I was in the middle of battle!" Dev whined looking at his brother playing dead

"Get off of me!" Dev go armed as he tried to push beau off with no luck

"Come on, Beau!" He gored in frustration “I know you're not dead! I can still feel your heartbeat..."

Get up!" Beau remained still, Dev rolled his eyes; he knew the exact words to get his brother off his back or in this case lap.

"Big brother, can you please get off of me n Dev utter begrudgingly "Aw, you haven't call me ‘Big brother’ in years" Beau chimed with a smile, finally getting up "I'm still kind of hurt, that you cared about your gaming progress than the well being for your one and only big brother"

"You were still breathing, I could literally see you inhaling and exhaling." Dev clarified rubbing his forehead

"Touche, I guess" Beau said he then directed Dev's chair in front his bed," now that I have your attention"

"Okay, I guess I should say sorry since you couldn't and say "hi" to me because you were too busy saving some elf princess, or some anime chick with huge melons"

"I-H-Hey I don't even play those types of games!" Dev argued blushing

" .-sure you "don't'." Beau taunted with a wink, Dev goanned "Anyways, Anyways you don't have to say "hi",; but you could at least not talk to me"

Beau suggested, shrugging. "I guess" Dev mumbled kind of sinking into his chair "cool, so how's life?" Beau started, trying to start a diagoul "okay"

"How's school?"

"Okay"

"How’re your friends?"

"Okay"

"Got a girlfriend?"'

"NO”

"Got a boyfriend?"

N-NO"

"Got any crushes"

“….NO…..."

"joined any clubs or any other after school junk?"

" ..... NO..."

"Are you just gonna answer all my questions in one word?"

Dev fell quiet, and shifted his gaze from his brother

“Okay, that's it!" Beau huffed, he picked up Dev and hoasted him over his shoulder "Hey! put me down!" Dev-shouted , beating his fists on Beau's back "Not until you talk to me like an actual person, and one worded answers aren't gonna cut it, squirt!"

"MOM! Dad!"

"Mom and Dav-Dad are fast asleep, and you know they both sleep like rocks!" Beau stated'' the only person you'll wake up is Carrie, and You don't want to wake little care bear, now do YOU?"

Dev fell Quiet again, "You know I can hold you like this for hours, you aren't really that heavy, or you can just end this and talk to me" Beau suggested ending the suggestion with a sigh and started to stomp his foot impatiently..

Dev continued the silent treatment for a bit until letting out a meek "Okay...I'll try" .

Hey, three words, that's a start!" Beau cheekly commented,He sat Dev back down in his green gamer chair.

"Okay, do over!" Beau said casually sitting across from Dev and his bed. "so, how's school going?" "F-fine” Beau gave Dev a intense look, reminding Dev of his word count “N-no, I mean it's just weird" Dev stuttered choosing his words carefully, Dev fiddled with his hoodie sleeves.

"and it's weird because..." Beau initiated, gesturing his hand toward encouraging Dev to continue "It's weird because.... I don't know, Middle school is way different than 'elementary school, I mean I knew that from tv, but middle school isn't like tv."

"It's okay, nothing like tv, that thing lies” Beau softly chuckled to himself and continued “I remember thinking Pogo sticks were the SHIT-cuz 'of people and cartoons on tv made it look so easy"

"I finally got enough money for one-- you were like little you probably don’t remember this-- but I was SO HYPED, I wanted mom to watch me. I took one hop, fell on my ass, and never hopped on that bitch again. I was pissed, I think mom was trying to her best not to laugh but I was so pissed I think I didn’t notice until now. I chucked the pogo stick in the garage, and I never looked at that bitch again”

Dev let out a stiff laugh, the defensive wall Dev put was slowly breaking

"Oh WAIT WAIT!” Beau said taking a moment to correct himself “ That WASN’T the last time the last time I looked that bitch, I fished it out of garage years later, only cuz’ I need some money for Madden. So, I did look at that bitch one more time, but only to sell that bitch.”

Dev let out a more audible laugh, but quickly caught himself and recollected, returned to his disillusioned teenage state.

"Anyway, The teacher's are kind of weird, like a lot of them hate my guts already, except for the coaches who are super nice to me." Dev explained, kind of looking away from his brother

"Weird, why do you think that is?" Beau asked whole hearty

"Because I'm related to you, Numb skull!" Dev blunted , groaning putting his hand on his forehead

"Oh damn, I guess that's my fault." Beau realized, rubbing the back of his neck "My bad. that my awesomeness is just lengardy"

Dev shook his head and rolled his eyes "It's not awesome to live in YOUR shadow!" Dev sulked, sinking back into his chair, his hands covering his face.

"You don't have to follow in my awesomeness, I know I'm a hard act to follow." Beau boasted teastingly so"You just gotta make your own awesomeness."

"What does that even mean?" Dev questioned, moving his hands down, allowing his eyes to peek through his fingers, trying not to given the urge to roll his eyes

"It's like my awesomeness comes from my boyish charm and good looks..." Beau claimed, striking an award winning smile, The urge not to roll his eyes was becoming even hard for Dev, but he still had to try and respect Beau "But your awesomeness could come from being good at games, or computers shit or math or robots or something--I don't know something real nerdy"

"I guess, you're right" Dev mumbled and shrugged,lifting himself up back into a sitting position rather than almost spilling out of his chair.

"Its not a guess, its science!" Beau declared proudly, tapping his temple with his index finger

"No,that's not science!" Dev arguing his brother's stupidity, flatly shaking his head in disagreement

"See, there you go using your nerd awesomeness" Beau pointed out with a wink "Keep that up and you'll go from Beau's lil bro, to just ‘Dev’ in no time." Beau playful tousled Devs mop dirty blonde hair

"I mean.." Dev continued batting his brother's hand away, "I was also thinking of joining the video game club or the robotics club at school."

"There you go another nerdy thing that to add to your own awesomeness" Beau said

"Yeah...." Dev continued ignoring his brother's comment' “Some of my friends are thinking about joining, and it would be a nice place to go away from mom and dad."

"I had sick memories of hanging out with the team, we got into some wild shit." Beau said laughing to himself, fondly reminiscing "But I'm sure you and you geek squad could have "wild" times too, like making an anime robot 'weify." or whatever those called or finding a new math formula or something"

Dev fell quiet for another moment, Beau always seems like he’s in between being supportive and subtly roasting him, Dev then uttered "um... I think I kind of have a crush... on a girl..."

"AYE, let's go! "Beau exclaimed, clapping and shaking Dev's chair for a bit before bouncing back on the bed'' Come on, don't leave me hanging, what's her name? "Have you talked to her vet? Have you asked her out? Have-"

"Calm down!" Dev demanded "I said I had a crush, I didn't say we’re going out.'"

"Oh, so you haven’t talked to her, huh?”

"No, I-I don't even know her name" Dev huffed, he let his arms slip into his oversize sleeves and covered his sleeves with his face in frustration.

"You know you could just ask, not the chick, like just ask around"

"I can't do that because if I do, people will find out I like her and if she finds out, I would just have to stop going to school!”

"Okay, let’s just pretend you DO have the balls to talk to this girl, what's the worst that could happen?" Beau suggested

"She finds out that I like her, thinks I'm weird and never wants to talk to me again or even look at me!” Dev muffled through his sleeved covered face

"You really think she can sus that out all in one go!" Beau said "I mean she is a middle Schooler unless she's like a young nancy drew, she is not going to chew you up and spit out like that." Beau explained "speaking of which''

Beau paused for a moment to spit out his gum into the trash can "Score!"

"Anyways, have you done anything weird to her or around her?"

"No, I mean I look at her in the hallways before and in between class, but I don't like-- stalk her or anything too weird." Dev mumbled, moving his sleeves from his face, but his head was still targeted down at his fingers fiddling with a tag on his black shorts

"So, then what's the fear?" Beau inquired, resting his chin on the heel of his palm

Dev thought for a moment, his eyes shifting looking for an answer." I-I guess I just don't know how to talk to her."

"Well, fuck, that's easy" Beau chuckled “Just talk about school shit, or just say "hi"

"Is it really that easy?"

"Yeah, if you have the balls for it" Beau reiterated "Think about it like this, the dudes you play in your little nerd games have to fight a dragon, a demon or some anime witch with huge melons to talk to the girl they like and they er brave enough to do all of that wacky shit. But you’re lucky, you don't have a dragon for real in your way to keep you talking from your crush. The dragon's just in your head! If those hero dudes can fight dragons they actually can see, doesn't that mean you can fight a dragon you don't even see."

"That was a really lame and kind of confusing metaphor" Dev sassed " But I guess understand what your trying to say"

"Exactly" Beau said nodding confidentiality

"Can we talk about mom and dad?" Dev asked sheepishly, looking up at his brother, (well as much as he could with his shaggy bangs in the way), his fingers now toying with his hoodie strings

"Did something happen?"

"No, I mean yeah, I mean it's just weird" Dev said "Mom and dad are starting to get more annoying but I don't know if they were always like that or they like charged"

"No, parents don't really change-usually” Beau explained “It's just that being a teenager makes you hypersensitive to a bunch of shit and makes you wanna be alone more. Parents, the good ones like spending time with their kids and they actually want quality time n' shit and that's where they start to get annoying".

“"Oh okay,” Dev nodded.'' It's just weird because sometimes I feel like I hate them, but I don't want to. I think I just really want to be alone more like you said but I don't want to shut them out, I just want them to get that." Dev-fiddles with the strings of his green hoodie

"Yeah, I think they do in a weird old people kind of way. Believe it or not they were teenagers to even if that was back in the stone age n' shit" Beau joke"

Dev let out an actual laugh, a sign to Beau that he's little bro was being less of a moody teenager

"Anyway, even with that said mom and david-I mean dad aren't mind readers, it would be cool if you give them a heads up, you don't have to tell them all about what's going on in your little teen nerd brain but at least something simple like something weird or funny that happened at school, or asking for help on homework or a project for class or some shit like that, I'm pretty sure Dav-dad would love that.."

"I guess I could try". Dev said slightly nodding his head "But Carrie is kind of weird too!

"How can Carrie be weird, she's 5.” Beau scoffed "she doesn't do anything weird really"

Dev added" it's just sometimes she's regular cute and other times she's annoyingly cute if that makes sense"

"I mean like kind of get what you're saying but "Beau shrugged gesturing his hand toward prompting Dev to continue

"Like I still look out for her because she little, but because she's little that means I have to do dumb stuff like look for monsters under her bed or do that sleep shuttle thing you do, but I can't really do it because my arms give out halfway through and she's heavier than she looks."

"Well, little brothers and sisters are annoying, it's kind of their job, trust me I know from experience" Beau: put his hand on Dev's knee, Dev tried to Swat at it but Beau quickly put his hand back with a smirk.

"But like with mom and da-David just cuz she's annoying doesn't mean You can’t look out for her n stuff"

"I guess, its because lately, it seems like'' Dev paused 'for a beat, his hands hard gripping the strings of his hoodie, before continuing" I don't know mom and dad have been paying more attention to her than me"

A mischievous smile creeps across his face. "AW does someone miss being the baby?"'

"Oh, fuck! I knew you 'er gonna say that!" Dev blurted out, feeling really exposed, he pulled his hoodie strings allowing his head to be consumed by his hoodie, all but his nose.

"Hey! language,” Beau said, surprised at his little brother's reaction those harsh words coming out of the mouth of small boy sporting a Yoshi hoodie

"You cuss' all the time!" Dev huffed pulling his hoodie back down, then crossing his arm definitely

"Yeah, but I'm older than you, and if mom and David--DAD hear you curse they’er gonna know you got it from me and won't get off my ass about it!"

Dev stared at his brother, simmering in frustration in failing to coming up w/a good come back or a flaw in his brother's logic, He let out a heavy sigh and resumed "Anyways, it's NOT like I miss being the baby, I just miss being able to hold their attention without Carrie coming in and stealing them anyway, I don't know its weird"

"Wait, did you just say that you wanted to be alone and away from mom and David-fuck. I'm not even gonna try more-he's asleep anyways." giving up any attempt to make the word "Dad" same with the name "David"

"Yeah, I know that's what makes it weird!" Dev admitted, he sulked back deeper into his chair and let out a groan.

"You know Carrie's not awake all the time, maybe you can talk to mom and David, when she goes down for her nap, hell, I could just take her to the park for a day." Beau offered

"You'd really do that for me?" Dev peeped, quickly lifting himself up in a sitting position, surprised at his brother kind offer

"Yeah, anything to make you less of a weird angsty shut in, with a bunch of cringy keep out signs and keep out tape!" Beau gestured towards the door

"Actually, I got that caution tape from a real crime scene" Dev clarified, with a smug smile

"Really?" Beau taking a longer closer look at the door

"No, thick head, I found it in a dumpster next to party city!"

"You go dumpster diving?" Beau said, raising an eyebrow

"I have a life outside of YOU!" Dev stated proudly

"Okay, and on that... Weird garbage goblin flex, sibling bonding time is over." Beau said getting up from the bed and heading for the door

"Actually, one more thing..." Beau said quickly, turning around, rushing towards Dev, putting him into a headlock.

"Did ya miss me? Come on, tell me that you missed me!" Beau taunted as he gave his brother a long and through noogie "Ouch, Ow, Ow, Okay, okay, I missed You. Geez:" Dev pleaded trying to struggle out of his brother's grip

"That's what I wanted to hear!" Beau said with a smirk, letting 'Dev go.

"Ugh! my hair" Dev fumed , gawking at his even more messy mop of hair.

"Like you care about appearances" Beau chuckled" mop top nerd!"

"Mullet-hair metal meathead!"

"Ouch, that was pretty good" Beau teased pretending to look hurt "Garbage Goblin"

"You already-"Dev started but was cut off by Beau closing the door

"Too late, the door is closed, I can't hear you, which means I win!" Beau said through the door, laughing at his brother's muffled fury of frustration.

Beau grinned relishing in the absolute confusion of his younger brother, but that good vibe quickly faded once he arrived at the door to his old bedroom. He just stood there and stared at the door for a bit, he could feel the icky stew of the emotions from bubbling back up again.

He flexed his hand a few times as if this was the first time he's ever pored a door, Beau's hand reached for the door handle before retracted as if the knob was red hot.

Beau sheepishly looked around as if somebody was watching him, no one was but it sure did feel like it. He considered sleeping on the couch, but that would be weird, since it seemed like his step dad put his luggage in his room. so, eventually he would have to go into his room anyway.

Beau took a deep breath. "Come on, it's just a door, dude!" He told himself Beau's hand rested on the door knob, he took another deep, his hand gained a stronger grip, and he slowly pushed the door open, Beau carefully entered the room as he closed the door behind him. Looking around the room was plaster with posters of football players and a few pinups of doe-eye, sensual women in swimsuits and other scantily clad outfits.

Athletic medals, trophies and awards displayed proudly on his bookshelf that lacked any actual books, those trophies stood next to pictures of Beau with his teammates, all illuminated by the moon's dull pale blue light. These relics of what felt like a bygone era used to fill Beau with so much pride and joy but looking at them now just leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

He could barely even recognize himself in those photos. This whole room felt like a shrine or more like a tomb to someone who no longer exists.

Looking at all this stuff just made the icky feelings from before rise up to the back of his throat making the bad taste linger even longer.

Beau couldn't really pin what-these feelings were, so he shifted his focus on just getting some sleep

As he thought, Beau's step dad put his luggage on his bed. He opened his bag and quickly changed into a white tank top and some grey sweatpants. He fished out the mix tape from his jean jacket and put into the gray clucky music player on his nightstand. Beau turns the music up loud enough for him to hear but not loud enough for disturb anyone else. Heavy metal music (ironally) helped him sleep on hard nights.

Beau laid in bed focusing on the one spot in his room that wasn't decorated with high school memorabilia. Focusing on that spot was way better than focusing on the icky feelings from earlier. All he needed to was focus on sleep just sleep, Beau closed his eyes and tried to focus on just sleep.

The next time Beau opened his eyes, he was back in the hallway of his highschool. Beau looked around confused why he was back here but before he could really sus out the situation, his thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud. He followed the sound of the thud that led to a scene of a bespectacled student being shoved up against the lockers. The student's face contorted by fear.

"P-please, d-don't hurt me. "the student uttered, the words quivering as it left his lips.

"Aww, look at him, guys." a familiar voice said, Beau couldn't see whom the voice belonged to. There was a strange mist in the hallway that obscured the person's face.-

"He's scared." the voice said mockly, the person nodded towards a group of people whose faces were also obscured by the mist, they laughed in response

“Don't worry, little buddy, I'm not gonna hurt ya:" the person taunted as he tightened his grip on the student and shoved his body up against the failing student. "As long as you don't squeal" .

"You squeal, and I'll fry you like the pig you are, got it. Swine?"

"I-I p-promise I W-won't. J-just please let me go!" the student begged

Beau was disturbed by scene happening before him, but along with the feel of disgust came a feeling of familiarity, like he's been there before

Just then the fog lift to reveal the face of a younger version of Beau dawned in his red “New Burny High school” letterman jacket. He was smirking relish in the fear he was inflicting on the poor student.

Older Beau slowly back up, almost stumbling as he was coming to the realization of the origin of all those icky feelings from before

"I don't know, do we trust him, guys?" Younger beau asked cocking his head back to his teammates, who shook their head in disagreement "The Boys and I don't seem very sure of that, I think I'm gonna have to test your loyalty !" Younger Beau winded up his arm for a punch, But before his fist could make an impact.

Beau found himself back in his room in a cold sweat, hyperventilating as quickly rose from his bed. His room, still illuminated by the moonlight, with the metal mix tape softly playing in the background. He looked at his hand as if they were lethal weapons. How could I do such a thing?

#daydream blog #daydream blogging #daydream dairy #paraportal #paracosm: humble pie #para: beau #para: devin #para: carrie #immersive daydreaming #paracosm

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sardonic-courtney · 3 years

Text

Crowley x Reader. We Met Before. P3/7

Summary: You end up living with Bobby after your parents die. You go to church and meet Priest Crowley and you end up getting along (if you know what i mean). A few years later when Bobby passes you move the the bunker with Sam and Dean and end up meeting Crowley again.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Warnings: Mention of loss, Spelling mistakes, you go to church?

Around 2500 words.

Let’s Get Coffee.

“Yay thank you” You yelled heading up the stairs to get changed…

Training went well, although you didn’t really do much. Bobby who was still reluctant helped you to shoot inanimate objects and some basic hand to hand combat with no weapons, because in his words “you won’t always have a weapon on you so that’s the best place to start.” You are pretty sure it’s just because he is buying time before the brothers come into town so they can deal with the more athletic training. Not because Bobby wasn’t good, he was but he was quite impatient and not the best Teacher.

Time Skip to the Next Saturday Night brought to you by Juliet.

The last week consisted of a few training lessons here and there, you were starting to get really good with a gun, and to Bobby’s ‘luck’ he did some blade training and you actually weren’t half bad. Right now, you were eating takeaway, 8pm, on the sofa with Bobby watching some old tv show.

“So kid, Winchesters are coming round tomorrow. Want me to pick you up from church to save you walking so you can see the two idjits sooner, I know you miss them”. He said emphasising miss in a teasing manor.

“Oh yeah soo much” You replied rolling your eyes. “But no, I’m good, I’m actually going out after for some coffee”.

“So, you and Lena finally meeting outside of church?”

“Nope”

“Wait so who are you meeting with then? A new boyfriend of yours? If so, I want to meet him first.”

“What? No, I’m not completely sure, just a group of us meeting up after church.”

“What do you mean you don’t know. Who asked you? That old woman that lives next to the church because if so, I wouldn’t go she will just talk everyone’s ear of about her cats”

“No, the Priest actually just to share ideas about the bible after.”

“Right well err have a good time?” He replied unsure

“Thanks Bobby I’m gonna head up now and sort everything out and go to bed”

“Don’t use up all my water, I’ll see you after your coffee, call me if you want a lift.”

“will do, night”

“Night kid.”

*Beep Beep* Your alarm read 8:30 Sunday. You go up and got showered and dressed. You opted for an outfit which made you look good but it was still simple and casual, whether you were trying a bit harder because you were seeing Crowley or because the boys were coming you wouldn’t say. You grabbed an easy snack and decided to take the scenic route as you had 30 minutes to get there and you didn’t want to wait around. You arrived exactly at 9:32 and waited a few minutes before walking in, no sign of Lena anywhere, strange. Your seats however remained empty, so you sat once again on the seconded row back. Just as you received a message.

Lena- Sorry my mums not feeling well so I’ve had to take my brother to football. Hope service is good.

(Y/N)- No problem, have fun at football.

You replied before muting your phone and sliding it away just as Crowley came out.

“Good Morning…………………………………Thank you all for coming. Bless you all and I shall see you next week.”

Looking up at the clock reading 10:30, everyone stood up and headed out the door, you however being unsure of where you were going for coffee waited at the end of the pew, letting other passed. You didn’t really focus on the topic at hand but hoped you could blag your way through the teachings of rich man and Lazarus. As everyone left Crowley once again was behind you smiling.

“(Y/N) how are you?”

“Hi, I’m good thank you, how are you doing?” you reply, once again you feel strangely flustered.

“Better now that’s over and we can go get coffee.”

“Oh yeah about that where are we meeting?”

“I was thinking the little café down 3 blocks over. Small and easy to find a table.”

“Mrs Wolowitz’s?”

“Yes, That’s it”

“I think I know the way; well you better go, and I’ll meet you guys there” You say about to head off.

“I’m sorry love, you must be mistaken I meant just the two of us. If that’s alright”

“Yeah no sorry that more the fine, I just assumed.” You stuttered out. You hadn’t meant to jump to a conclusion but that seemed more likely then just you two going out for coffee. Alone in a small café. Damn it (Y/N) stop thinking again.

“Do you want to follow me in my car? In case you get lost?”

“Oh um.” You awkwardly laughed. “I actually walk here so I’ll get it up on my phone”

“No, no don’t be stupid you’re going in my car.”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude”

“No come on let’s go.”

The car ride was short and pretty much silent but not awkward. You were nervous but also happy you weren’t going to be stuck with a bunch of old Christians arguing about meanings. Before you got out the car, he took his clerical collar of leaving him in a normal black shirt. You got out, got a table and ordered your drinks, and reluctantly allowed Crowley to pay.

“So, Y/N how did you find todays service?” Crowley asked looking straight at you for an answer.

“Oh um, it was good” you replied suddenly feeling nervous and unsure of how to answer. You were sat in a café, with an attractive Pastor whose stare seemed to go straight through you.

“Anything to add? Any views on the passage?” Crowley said seeming slightly distracted.

“Not really no. Sorry maybe you start an idea and I’ll add?”

“I don’t really have any either, well to be honest with you I would rather get to know you then your views on the bible.”

“Me?” you smiled, this just got better now it’s apparent you probably aren’t going to be sat discussing the bible over the next half hour or so.

“Yes you” he replied a small smile resting on his lips.

“Well what do you want to know?” you didn’t really know what sort of thing to tell him so thought it best to just ask.

“Well how about we play a game?”

“A game?”

“Yes, a game, you know an activity one engages in for fun?” his smile turning slightly into a smirk.

“Oh, thanks I didn’t know what a game was, what sort of game?”

“I ask a question and you ask one back?” he paused “if you would like, if you wanted to sit around and talk about bibles, we could ask biblical ones”

“No normal questions are fine; you can start since I don’t know what games are” you say sarcastically.

Just then the waiter came and delivered your drinks, nodding his head slightly at your companion before he left. You took a sip of your drink as Crowley moved on; this wasn’t what you though this evening would be but it’s definitely an improvement.

“If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?”

“(Y/A) {your answer}”

“Why?”

“It just seems perfect. I could see myself walking around and just admiring everything there you know?”

“Well hopefully one day you’ll go.” Crowley took a sip of his steaming drink and returned to looking at you. Really looking at you, it was weird, like he was genuinely interested in what you were saying. “I’ve been a few times and I must say the {landmark} is beautiful to visit.”

“One day I will see it, anyway you seem like you’ve been to loads of places where have you been?”

“Pretty much everywhere, I do enjoy travelling.”

“wow, I wish” you sigh out.

“Do you travel?”

“Not really, when I was younger me and my parents would move around America but that stopped a while ago.”

“Oh, how come?”

“They died so I moved in with my godfather and haven’t left town since, I know if he could we would go but he needs to stay here for work and everything and now I’m blabbing on again sorry.” You said it more as a fact mentally ready for the normal oh I’m sorry and what happened and are you okay to come.

“No don’t apologise I’m interested and I’m sorry to hear about them but your godfather sounds like a good man, and maybe one day you can travel again, maybe even the world, what do you plan on being in the future?”

“Definitely the plan, and I’m not sure yet. What about you have you always dreamed of being a pastor?”

“No, definitely not. I’m only a substitute pastor anyway if there’s such a thing.”

“what do you do then when you’re not?”

“I guess you could say I’m a businessman, I mainly make deals and such.”

“oh, is that why you always travel?” You say looking down at your drink and sipping.

“Exactly why my job requires a lot of popping to places. Now if you will humour me, I’m curious, you go to church but don’t seem completely religious, is that so?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t mean to offend you, but I notice you zoning out during teaching and you just seem… I don’t know how to put it.”

“Well if I’m honest I’m not sure about it really. The whole believing in God thing. I mean I’m sure he’s there, but I don’t think there’s much he can do.”

“So why go?”

“Well my mum used to always take me and well it makes me feel closer to her, I’m sorry if that offends you.”

“Not at all, not at all” he said a slight smirk on his face again.

This was weird, not in a bad way but weird. As the time passed, he started to become even less like a pastor and more like a friend. You continued sharing random stories finding out how he grew up in Scotland and all about his random like and dislikes. He was a nice guy and you no longer felt nervous. Time went by and you both ordered another drink. Now your cups were sitting empty and you were discussing what the best era would be to live through, when your phone beeps.

12:51

Bobby: Hey, hows the discussions going, what time do you think your going to leave I dont know if I can deal with them alone any longer and theyve only been here 3 hours as it is.

You: oh, sorry I didn’t realise the time, um ill finish my drink and leave soon. Tell them I say hi.

You slid your phone into you pocket and looked back up at Crowley. Wow you had been sat talking for over two hours.

“Everything okay?” he asked

“Yeah everything is fine just didn’t realise the time. Sorry I’m going to have to go in a minuet I have guests over and completely forgot.”

“No problem, would you like a lift back?”

“I can walk it’s fine.”

“Please at least let me drop you of at the church, I need to pick up some things there anyway.”

“Okay.”

With that the two of you got back into his car and arrived back at the church both getting out and standing in the completely deserted parking lot.

“Thank you for the lift, and the drinks.” You smiled checking you had everything and looking up at him.

“No problem I had a good time, and maybe if you would like I could get your number and we could do it again sometime, get to know each other a bit more, maybe over some food.”

If you didn’t know any better it would sound like a date offer, in fact part of you wishes it had been but pastors don’t date, do they?

“Yeah sounds good today was fun.” You grab your phone pulling up your number.

“I’m sorry that may not have been clear enough” he said looking at your phone and entering your number into his. “I was referring to going out on a date.”

“But you’re a priest?” you blurt out before thinking. Mentally slapping your head.

“A substitute priest love, and like you I don’t hold religion too close to my heart” he said chuckling and putting his phone away.

“Well in that case that sounds great. I better start heading back but text me.”

“I will, safe walk home, if you’re sure you don’t want a lift.”

“I’m sure, goodbye Crowley”

“Goodbye Y/N”

And with that you left. What just happened?

*Times Skip Home*

You walk through the door into the lounge greeted with the boys and bobby drinking beers and talking, coming to a halt when you walked in.

“Y/N, hey how have you been” Sam asks looking up at you smiling. Before you could answer Dean butted it.

“Y/N Bobby here tells us you’ve been out talking about the bible, please tell me you haven’t it’s like half one.”

“Nice to see you to Dean, and no I haven’t I met with a friend. I’m great thank you Sam, how are you?” you reply going to sit down before realising a pair of legs in the way. “Deans move your legs”

Reluctantly he swung them over the coffee table allowing you to sit down.

“Good thank you” you’re not sure if Sam would have continued but bobby spoke up.

“A friend? You said you were meeting with a group of you, lying, now are we?”

“what? No, I just got a bit confused we were going to talk about the service but we got distracted. But what’s more important is what you two have been up to.” You reply casually leaving out the fact you had spent the last two hours with a male and had half planned a date.

“No, what’s more important is you are 18. And we have something for you.” Sam said poking his head around Dean.

“Sammy’s right Dean said pulling something out his duffle bag. It was neatly wrapped and slightly battered around the edges. Sam definitely wrapped it.

“Guys you shouldn’t have.” You said unwrapping it. At first you saw a leather-bound book. It was bound with a rope wrapped around and decorated with a light house on the front.

“Open it up (Y/N/N)” Sam said.

Unwinding the rope, you opened it up to find postcards and pictures from the boys, all in Sam’s writing.

“We, well I thought you could have a journal to note down anything you want its always good to have one. The postcards and stuff are from each of the places me and Dean have been. We knew you wanted to go, and you always want to here stories so I thought it would be a good way to make it seem like you were there.”

“Sam it perfect thank you so much.” You stood up and hugged him before taking a seat back down noticing Dean had a scruffier package in his hand.

Accepting it and opening it Dean began.

“I’m not as thoughtful as Sam but I saw this, and thought would like it.”

It was a rope necklace with a stone on the end. Under the stone was a small piece of card with a handwritten message explaining the stones properties of protection and healing. You read it and put it on twiddling the stone in your fingers (You can change stone to your liking).

“It’s beautiful Dean thank you very much” you say leaning over to hug him.

“I’m glad” he says pulling back smiling.

The evening goes on, you order food and joke with each other, Bobby leaving to go to bed and the three of you falling asleep sprawled out on the couch and armchair around 11pm

Wow that was long and mainly build up, but don’t worry romance will be in the next one. I hope you enjoyed this though, thanks for reading.

#crowley #Crowley Supernatural #crowley x reader #crowley x you #crowley x y/n #y/n #supernatural #supernatural x reader #xreader

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flamingphoenixfics · 4 years

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Modern Yonji Headcanons

The last part of my little new blog celebration is finally here. With my personal favorite Vinsmoke brother ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ) Excluding Sanji of course. Also despite me loving Yonji, I feel like I lowkey just roasted him the whole time.

“Excuse me sir that is my emotional support onion.” - Me

♠️ Requests Open ♠️

Vinsmoke Brothers x Modern AU - Yonji Edition

🧅 You know that guy you see at the local bar or pub, and all you can think about is “wow you peaked in high school.” Yeah that’s Yonji.

🧅 If we took it from an American’s perspective he definitely would have been one of the star players on the football team, but if we look at it from growing up anywhere else in the world I could see him having been big into wrestling.

🧅 Academics were never his strong suite, especially when compared next to his brothers. Instead he chose to put his time into what he knew he was good at which was sports. Yonji made sure he had a sport to play for every season.

🧅 He always has to be the loudest one in the conversation, because he truly believes that if he talks loud enough people have to listen to him.

🧅 Yonji is someone who can spend hours boosting about his own accomplishments and skills. Mostly so that he doesn’t feel inferior to his brothers who excel in other fields. If he wins anything, you can bet that you are going to hear about it for at least the next week.

🧅 When he was younger he got away with being an asshole because he was a star athlete, and considered one of the more popular kids in his school. Also because no one wanted to get on the bad side of the kid who thought more with his fists than his brain.

🧅 Now that he's graduated though that isn’t the case, and he finds his attitude getting him called out more and more. Since his actions aren’t always socially acceptable he finds himself in more trouble than he is used to.

🧅 This leads to him being a bit more confused on how to act in society, and he doesn’t always know the proper way to behave when it comes to talking to others. He is still blunt as hell though, and doesn’t really filter his thoughts before saying them.

🧅 Yonji would probably be happiest doing a job that requires some level of physical ability, such as construction or a fitness instructor. The pay wouldn’t matter to him, just as long as he gets to flex to himself and his peers.

🧅 He has an easy time getting possible love interests interested in him, but usually screws it up pretty early on in the relationship with his brash behavior. Yonji tends to move very fast when he meets someone that he likes, and does not even think about the possibility that they might not even fancy him back.

🧅 Yonji usually blames the relationship failure on the other party, as he doesn’t usually understand what he did wrong no matter the cause. He is very quick to blame it on their behavior over his own.

🧅 He tends to do a cycle of short flings. Often meeting someone while he's out at a club or bar. Many people get interested off of the strong way he carries himself, but then quickly realize his personality leaves much to be desired if they don’t understand how he works.

🧅 If he were to get into a long term relationship it would have to be with someone as equally as strong in their ways. Yonji is not the most rational thinker, and doesn’t waste time trying to understand something he doesn’t get right from the beginning. Because of that he can be very stubborn in how he processes things.

🧅 In the beginning he tends to think he likes a s/o who is agreeable with him, and believes everything the way he does. But this usually grows stale for Yonji, so he much prefers people who are as stubborn as him. He enjoys a challenge within a relationship, and thinks it keeps it interesting.

🧅 His s/o would have to be someone willing to apologize for him to others, as well as stay level headed if things were to get heated between Yonji and the offended party. As mentioned earlier Yonji used to think with his fists more often than his words, but since he can’t get away with that anymore he has shifted to using more aggressive language.

🧅 They would also need a lot of patience when it comes to trying to get through to him if his behavior was in the wrong. He would listen, but it would be obvious that he doesn’t fully understand, and would most likely do the exact same thing again. However, if you call him out on this pattern he would get even more offended, and deny that it was ever an issue before.

🧅 Despite coming off as an asshole, when it comes to Ichiji, Niji, and himself, he is most likely to mean well in the end. If he does go out of his way to do something nice for you, you can assure that he doesn’t have any ulterior motives.

🧅 Most of the time him doing nice things is for his own satisfaction. He may see something you may like while he is out and about, and knows that if he were to give it to you that you would compliment him on remembering. But of course he remembered because he is the greatest s/o you could ever ask for. Or so he thinks with a smug smile at your excited expressions when he gives it to you later.

🧅 Most of the time poking fun at other people’s expense is how he best understands humor and what is funny. He is definitely a “dude it was just a prank” kind of guy, and if you get mad at him he can get upset over the fact that you didn’t appreciate or understand his joke.

🧅 As bad as it sounds he would do best with a s/o who shares the same kind of blunt humor. He can usually take a joke at his own expense, and will expect his s/o to do the same. He finds the back and forth banter to be hot in a relationship.

🧅 You have to be able to keep up, and take some teasing if you hope to survive. Teasing Yonji is also extremely fun and satisfying as he is quick to get red in the face. You do have to proceed with caution however, because if you cross the line he can go from zero to a hundred upset over the fact that you would ever think something like that about him.

🧅 His biggest downfall however is that he doesn’t understand sarcasm at all, despite using it himself all the time. You may think he was joking, but he would actually be 100% serious and vice versa.

🧅 Also Yonji is the guy who makes inappropriate jokes at the wrong times. If you can avoid bringing him to any of your family gatherings, take advantage of that fact, because chances are your family is not going to like him.

#yonji #vinsmoke yonji #one piece headcanons #one piece scenario #one piece modern au #yonji headcanons #one piece

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potahun · 4 years

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Some more Qin Shen Shen moment translations (part 4/?)

Link to other translations so far

-Pretty much all the cuts in Ep. 9

a. Episode 9: Zhou Hua Jian is on stage, patting his face with a tissue after his and Yi Qiao’s performance, and Li Keqin basically decides to throw Zhou Shen under the bus.

ZS, talking discreetly to LKQ about ZHJ: Why does he consistently carry those tissues to absorb facial oil? haha

LKQ: *lightbulb moment* ...Ask him in a moment.

ZS: !...I don’t want to. Haha *cutely, with his arms in a cross* No!

(...)

LKQ, raising his hand (to ZHJ): Wait a second, just to ask... Earlier, when you finished singing, the young singer next to me had a question he wanted to ask you. (ZS, pointing at LKQ in disbelief: EEEEYYY )

ZS, helpless but goes with it (to ZHJ): Uhhh....It’s teacher Keqin who asked me to ask this...... Why do you consistently carry those tissues to absorb oil or to wipe sweat?

ZHJ, being a great sport: ?? Why wouldn’t I carry them? *laughs*

LKQ (to ZS): That’s just how senior singers are!

ZS: Oh. Alright! (to ZHJ) It’s teacher Keqin who asked me to ask this. Sorry elder brother Hua Jian. *bows*

ZHJ, playing along: Not at all. Not at all! You’re asking for the brand of the tissues, aren’t you?

ZS, panicking while LKQ is cracking up next door: Aaah...?? *uneasy laughter* (ZHJ, still playing: Or is it the price??) Yes - uh, the brand! Y-y-you can just tell me backstage.

ZHJ, still laughing: No problem, no problem.

ZS, barely recovering, but grabbing LKQ’s shoulder while LKQ looks like he’s having a blast: Is this how you throw people under the bus?? Is it??? (LKQ leans into ZS’s part of the sofa, still enjoying himself too much)

b. Episode 9: Football cut, Li Keqin had told Zhou Shen that if he could shoot the ball into the goal, he could choose the song. If not, Li Keqin would choose. The result’s not surprising.

LKQ, each of them sitting on a football: I’d like a song with a lot of long notes.

ZS: A lot of long notes right? *thinks*

LKQ: Actually, I used to have this song called “Great Concert Hall” *demonstrates a little* But I’m scared that you’ll have to sing in Cantonese again -- it feels like each time, I’m bullying you. *snorts*

ZS, kickstarting broadcasting mode: Not at all. Why would everyone else think that you’re bullying me? They’ll just think that you’re giving me an opportunity to practice my Cantonese. *impish smile*

LKQ, patting ZS on the shoulder: Good kid. (Both crack up)

They talk about Han Hong’s “Tian Liang Le” and its sad backstory and ZS does a K.O on Li Keqin with his “my every song are my children” line. (already translated)

LKQ: What else is there?

ZS: *sings a little bit of “That Sea” / “Na Pian Hai”* (LKQ: Ohhhh! )

LKQ: *sings along* Eh, this song is really good. (ZS: It is a really good song.) But if we really decide to sing this one....we might have to make some changes to it.

ZS: Truth be told, if it’s a duet, it will already be a little differen-- eh? At the end, wasn’t it supposed to be you choosing the song? Why am I giving so many ideas?

LKQ: Eeeh, we’re a teaam... (ZS: Aaaahh) Okaayy *snaps fingers* (ZS: As expected of senior singeeers *snaps fingers with him* Role model artists are just differennnt) LKQ: It’s like you and your every song being your childreeenn. (Both start laughing again)

c. Episode 9: During Qin Shen Shen’s performance, Li Keqin’s earphone monitor fell during his high note and was basically hanging behind his butt for the rest of the song. At the end of the song, the MC points it out:

MC: Elder brother Keqin, had you realised that it fell?

LKQ, no shame whatsoever: Yeah. *clears throat*

ZS, very impish: Haha!

LKQ: So I was scared that this...this young person here *designates ZS* (ZS: You’re young too.) ...would feel embarrassed, so I...tried to give it my maximum.

ZS, using the polite form of “you”: Ah, no, no, no. Please do not say that. I am scared. *still laughs*

Fun fact: Li Keqin’s earphone monitor fell in Zhou Shen’s presence not once, not twice, but three times: once here, once in Episode 12, and one time during their 2020 New Year’s concert event (Ye Lang Disco) after which Li Keqin probably couldn’t hear the music anymore and looked like he had to find his rhythm back by reading Zhou Shen’s lips.

d. Episode 9: Backstage room. Even though they’d introduced what they’d sing as “That Sea”, what they sang is actually a combination of “That Sea” and another song called “Listen to the Sea” ( “Ting Hai”). Li Keqin explains.

LKQ: Actually, I think those two songs’ lyrics overlap quite a bit. So...I thought, if we could mix them together, it could give a bit of a ....... *wiggles silently while looking at ZS*

ZS (to the camera), translating: ...a nice surprise!

LKQ: A nice surprise! Yes!

e. Episode 9, after each group wished Li Keqin happy birthday using their own musical way.

MC (to LKQ): So the show’s staff team doesn’t really have a birthday present for you, but we’ve found a very special song and through this song, we’d like to ask you a question, is that ok? *the staff puts on a song*

LKQ, thinking briefly before nodding: Mm.

MC: Elder brother Keqin, this song is very meaningful to you.

LKQ: Of course. I used this song to enter a competition (T/N: the competition thanks to which he debuted).

MC: 34 years ago... (LKQ makes a face) you used this song to win a singing competition.

LKQ: Yes, at 2 years old.

ZS laughs. LKQ, next to him: ;;;;;;;;;;;

Li Keqin then explains how, at the time he won the competition, he had signed up for college (he was actually 18) and told his parents to give him 2 years, if after 2 years there were still ppl willing to sell his CDs, he’d stay in the industry etc. etc.

f. Episode 9: Easter egg at the end of the episode, i.e. Zhou Shen rallies the other participants one by one and organises a bday surprise for Li Keqin.

ZS (visiting ZHJ): Hello teacher Hua Jian.

ZHJ, while asking ZS to sit: Eeehh! Hello little Zhou (ZS: Hello, big Zhou) Old Zhou finally meets small Zhou.

Zhou Shen explains that he wants to do a bday surprise for Li Keqin. Zhou Hua Jian replies that he’ll think of a few lines to sing to him, including writing a few lyrics, which Zhou Shen finds to be great.

ZS, bullshitting: Then...Then the day after tomorrow is my birthday, can you also write a song for me? (both crack up)

ZHJ: Let’s talk about that tomorrow. (Both crack up again) So, now that I’m already going to put in work for him *grabs ZS’s arm* what are you guys singing tonight? *laughs*

ZS: Ahh! *slides away on his chair* We’ll sing whatever you’ll sing!!

ZHJ: Hey, no need to slide away on your chair like that! (ZS slides away even more)

(Later, when Zhou Shen visits Ren Xianqi) RXQ: So, what you’re saying is that you’d like to give him a “surprise” (said in English).

ZS: Yes.

RXQ: How do you want to do it? Splash him with cake?

ZS, laughing: That’s not a “surprise”, that’s a “shock” (also said in English).

Zhou Shen then says he also needs the younger singers’ help and visits Ayanga first. They say hello and start acting needlessly formal.

ZS, in an uncharacteristically deep tone: May I ask if this is gentleman Ayanga?

AYG, in the same tone: It is.

ZS: I am gentleman Zhou Shen.

AYG: Please sit.

ZS, shaking his hand, still acting formal: Tonight, I need your help for something.

AYG, playing along: Tell me.

ZS: Tomorrow....*switches to mischievous whisper* ...is teacher Li Keqin’s birthday!!

AYG: Then what do you have? Do you have cake? *laughs*

ZS: Of course. A birthday surprise should of course have birthday cake.

AYG: Is it those cakes that have multiple levels and are really high?

ZS: Full of peaches. (ZS cracks up and looks at the camera) No need to broadcast this (T/N: Not too sure, but I think there’s an inference with peaches and old people?) Anyways, I’ll count on your cooperation, Ga Zi Ge. (AYG: Of course! Such a good thing) See you later, gentleman Ayanga.

AYG: Ay. Ms. Zhou Shen-- (ZS, holding him down: Don’t stand up.)

Zhou Shen then realises what he said and hits him while Ayanga laughs. Zhou Shen finally visits Xiao Zhan.

XZ: What do you need me to do?

ZS: Push the cake trolley!

XZ: No problem, I’m the best at pushing cake trolleys!

ZS: Ah, really? Then ok, thank you. *shakes his hand*

XZ: Ah, that’s it? Whoa, this surprise is pretty easy to do!

For the surprise itself, Zhou Shen hides behind the sofa in the backstage room where all of the senior singers will come sit & chat. He lies down with a confetti cracker and his gift for Li Keqin. The seniors come in and start chatting about things, including their younger singer partners. Ren Xianqi mentions that whenever people see him and Liu Yuning together, they find Ren Xianqi’s legs really short (because Liu Yuning is super tall), and Li Keqin picks up:

LKQ: Well, my partner is not easy to work with either!

ZS, hidden behind the chair: ????? *narrows his eyes*

LKQ (to the others): You (RXQ) said just now that after working with yours, you found out that your legs are very short. Well, me? After working with mine, I suddenly found out my key is very low!

Zhou Shen laughs silently behind the sofa, while the seniors agree.

RXQ: Right, Zhou Shen’s singing key is really high.

LKQ: Yeah, my key is like here, and his is there! *demonstrates the gap with his hands*

ZHJ: That...that, we all know already. Doesn’t he have any other small problems/bad points? (RXQ: Right, any other small....?)

LKQ: ...No. No, he doesn’t. Appearance-wise, we match quite well. It’s very nice.

ZHJ: *chortles* He makes your legs look long.

All the seniors laugh, and Zhou Shen feigns being hurt behind the sofa, rolling his eyes.

ZHJ: He really doesn’t? Not even a small problem?

LKQ: No, no. I find him very fun. He just doesn’t like sports. So I’ve asked him, what do you usually do at home? And he told me... “I lie down at home”. That’s it! (ZS is covering his mouth behind the sofa) So each episode, I take him out to play a sport. (RXQ, interested: Eh? ) Yeah! Yeah, yeah. For the 2nd episode, we played badminton, and yesterday, we played football.

ZHJ: Oh, no wonder, no wonder -- I think he grew taller! (all the seniors laugh, and ZS also laughs behind the sofa) That fast!

Zhou Shen finally makes the confetti cracker explode, scaring all the seniors. Li Keqin is in complete ????????? mode while Zhou Hua Jian is already dying of laughter at seeing Zhou Shen come out from behind the sofa. Li Keqin finally sees Zhou Shen and jumps to his feet:

ZS, vaguely threatening: Teacher Keqin~

LKQ, dying of laughter but also cowering: Eiyo, yo, eiyo, ey... Whoa! You’ve been hiding there for this long??

RXQ: You want to scare us to death?

ZS: From the beginning, I’ve marked down each and every single one of the bad points that you’ve raised about us young singers. (ZHJ laughs) I shall transmit them to the others one by one. But especially you *grabs LKQ’s arm* What you said was exceptionally truthful.

LKQ, opening his mouth like a goldfish: Thank God I praised you a tiny little bit in the beginning, huh? Otherwise I’d be done for, huh? *makes space for ZS on the sofa* Sit, sit, sit...

The other young singers finally come in with the cake and more confetti crackers, thus completing the surprise.

Episode 9 bonus, not a QSS moment, but the others’ comments on their performance:

FYQ, on behalf of him and Ayanga: Really, really really. This definitely needs written notes. (...) These two have already collaborated multiple times; there’s plenty of chemistry. And especially Zhou Shen...his voice is multi-layered, it keeps piling upwards...... Li Keqin’s voice is SO stable! You sang these songs of yours, changing back and forth, it made us really enjoy it... *remembers his killer line* The score will definitely be high. (T/N: he says that line for every group throughout ep. 9)

ZHJ (about FYQ): It sounds a lot like a report on the situation of the stocks market.

ZHJ, on behalf of him and Yi Qiao (about LKQ and ZS): I feel like this group, from ep. 1 onwards, they’ve kept levelling up (...) We will work hard too. In the future, when we grow up, we’ll definitely learn from you. *laughs*

AC, on behalf of her and Xiao Zhan: Oh, I was closing my eyes earlier on and thinking ‘where did this girl come from? Her singing is so beautiful! (ZS looks to the side, embarrassed) (...) Especially, these two, they have a kind of...It’s like, when we used to do acting in the past, the director would tell us that acting is like a ball game, if one side’s ball falls to the ground, the scene won’t look good. This scene (referring to Qin Shen Shen) looks really good.

RXQ, on behalf of him and Liu Yuning: I think it’s really pleasing to the eye. Especially the stage design, and those two looking like they’re looking at each other across the sea, and then slowly, slowly getting back together. It makes you feel the sea waves coming and surrounding you. *appreciative sound* Good. *thumbs up*

#qin shen shen #zhou shen #li keqin #hacken lee #wo men de ge #our song #qss trans #Qin Shen Shen is 50 per cent throwing each other under the bus 50 per cent affection #I loved xiao Zhan's face for the tissue incident #he looked like he just couldn't believe that Zhou Shen had asked that #I also love Zhou Shen and Zhou Hua Jian interactions

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beccasbigworld · 3 years

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Blog Post #1 Examining Youth Culture

I loved watching the show Euphoria the best out of all of the assigned movies and shows. It’s been something I’ve been wanting to watch for a while so I thought this was the perfect opportunity to binge the whole season. The movies and shows assigned to watch were, Euphoria, The Breakfast Club, Mean Girls, Mid-90’s and KIDS. I know... That’s so fetch, right? Throughout each film, there were tons of astounding characters, some being well known throughout society. Perhaps Regina George rings a bell to anyone? However, despite all of the fantastic characters in each work, I feel as if I identify with Rue from the show Euphoria the most. I feel the most connected to Rue because she is a young teenage girl who has to deal with mental health issues but also the fact that she has fluid sexuality. She likes men, women and just gravitates towards anyone she feels connected to. I'm part of the LGBTQ+ community so the amount of representation I felt in the show was slightly overwhelming. Especially since many older shows and films lack representation so when something arises with more LGBTQ+ representation it makes me happy. I also know how it feels to be in Rue’s shoes, especially with her relationship with Jules in the show. The whole season is a rollercoaster of Rue and Jule’s relationship and as the season progresses Rue finally takes the leap of faith and kisses Jules. **Sorry if I spoiled it for anyone** I’ve been in situations with past relationships where I liked a girl for so long but never could make the move and it was interesting to see Rue’s confidence build and I think her becoming sober helped with that aspect. An article titled The Unicorn Scale written by bi.org it discusses the different sexualities and identities of the characters in the show. It states that Rue, “Rue’s sexuality seems to be unexplored but fluid, she is clearly interested in men, women, and everyone else. Rue’s bisexuality is not shown as the cause or causing her drug addiction, it is simply another facet of who she is. Her nerves seem limited to the normal anxieties we feel for our first love” (The Unicorn Scale: Euphoria) Rue’s character also goes through many ups and downs throughout the season. She struggles with drug addiction and staying sober. She lost her Dad to cancer and had to have her younger sister find her overdosed in her room. Three common themes I’ve noticed in each of these films and shows are one, family dynamic/struggles, sex, and, coming of age moment.

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The first theme, family dynamic/struggles is relatable to youth culture because growing up as a young adult or teenager can bring a lot of family issues. For example, in the movie MID90’S the main character Stevie is physically abused by his brother Ian. In one scene, Ian barges through Stevie's room in the middle of the night and punches him repeatedly. There is also no father in the picture and his mother is a single mom. So this could contribute to some of the reasons why Ian abuses Stevie. He could be taking out his anger in the only way he knows how and that’s with violence. I feel that people, especially young men struggle with dealing with their emotions and healthily expressing them. This theme also relates to me because I struggle with family issues and throughout the years it has taken a toll on my mental health. We also see in the movie KIDS the family dynamic and how it affects the main character, Telly. In one scene they show Telly’s mom taking care of the baby in their small city apartment. Telly asks for money and the mom says she doesn’t have any to give. Telly goes out and says he will be back later. The mom is so focused on the baby that she is not paying close attention to her son and what he is doing. This negatively affects Telly because he gets into the wrong group of people. This happens often without young people, it's a form of negligence that can lead people down the wrong path.

Another example is the dynamic between Nate Jacob's and his father in the show Euphoria. From a young age, Nate has been intimidated and scared by his father. In one scene, Nate’s father comes into his room and tells him how he played in the football game. Nate and his father get into a physical altercation and Nate starts to beat his head repeatedly against the floor. The second theme of sex is a big issue in most of these films and tv shows. When viewing and studying youth culture I’ve noticed how sex is a big part of a young person's life. Especially when I was in high school, sex was a majority of what people were talking about and it always mattered who was hooking up with who. I didn’t necessarily care for it and I had my experiences later in my life and at the end of the day, I don’t think it’s worth the hype and stigma around it. There are more things to do and talk about than sex. In the movie KIDS for example the main discussion of the film was sex and how the main character Telly wanted to have sex with virgins because they were seen as pure and innocent and he had the power to take that away from them. In the movie MID90s, the character Stevie has his first sexual experience and it was very real for many young people. In the scene, he starts to shake and get nervous, in an interview conducted and written by Slate Culture, asks Jonah Hill, the director of the Mid90s film, about the scene. Jonah states, “To me, showing it as harsh and as honest as it was back then was the point. You know? The point that this kid is terrified and shaking during his first sexual experience. And we get to see that as the audience. And he only gets happy and excited once he realizes it’s his currency to raise up through the group And that’s a fucked-up lesson that a lot of people now are having to unlearn from this time period And to me, I just wanted to show how that was and let the audience see that for what it is” (Bloomer) When you have your first sexual experience it can be a very nerve-wracking moment and in youth culture, the sexual experience is different for many and I believe it's split between boys and girls. As portrayed in these films for the young men, when they have sex it’s a powerful experience that boosts their confidence when they tell the group of guys they are associated with. For girls, it’s a moment that is more kept to themselves and cherished in a sense.

Being that I identify as a lesbian my experience doesn’t follow the heterosexual story so it’s interesting to me to see how the experience can be for heterosexual people. Lastly the last theme of a coming of age moment. I feel that when you are a young teen there is always this hope that you will have this coming of age moment like in the videos. I feel that Hollywood does a good job of exaggerating what a coming of age moment is for a teen. The film that is a clear example of a coming of age moment is the iconic Breakfast Club. According to the source, Movies, “The Breakfast Club (1985) is perhaps one of the best examples of a classic ‘coming of age’ plot. The film details the lives of five high schoolers stuck in a weekend detention together, only to have the misfit gang bond together despite their differences. This cast of characters are delineated by the conventional roles they fill: the Outcast, the Princess, the Jock, the Basket Case, and the Brain” (Holderbaum) The Breakfast Club shows how highschoolers defeated the stigmas and social scale of highschool. This connects to me a lot because high school was a very difficult time for me. Just like the movie we watched Mean Girls, I was at the bottom of the social ladder because I was different from a lot of people. Being a lesbian, out in highschool isn’t fun especially when you have guys who say “I can change that”. Despite the exaggeration by Hollywood with this big coming of age moment, I believe that my coming of age moment just like the Breakfast club was defeated the social ladder and being a confident, strong, lesbian at the end of my high school career.

The soundtrack of a film, TV series impacts the narrative of a story because it can uplift any emotion or feeling a character is feeling or trying to portray. The soundtrack can make or break a film/show. The soundtrack is a narrative of the story and can bring chills down your spine when watching a film. If a soundtrack is not done well the movie is not as impactive. In the movie the Breakfast club mostly everyone knows the famous song Don’t You and the iconic last scene. If it wasn’t for that song I believe the movie would not have been as famous. The playlist I made called Adolescent experience is a list of 10 songs that define me and myself growing up as a young teen trying to figure herself out. The first song on my playlist is, Electric Feel by MGMT, this song was one of the first songs that I listened to when I got my first iPod. The feeling it gave me felt like I was in an indie film when I would listen to it on long car rides. The second song on my playlist is What You Know by the Two Door Cinema Club. This song helped me with coping with my feeling of being lonely and feeling like I had no one to connect with, especially with being a young teen still stuck in the closet. The third song on my playlist is Little Secrets by Passion Pit. The band Passion Pit was one of the first bands I ever discovered and fell in love with. The fourth song I have in my playlist is 1901 by Phoenix. Anytime I listen to this song it gives me this feeling that I can accomplish anything. The fourth song is All For Us from the show Euphoria and sung by Zendaya and Labrinth. I love this song because it reminds me of the love I carry to many people in my life and how it can be tiring doing things for love all the time. The next song, Work by Rihanna is one of my favorite songs to dance to and it reminds me of a great memory of my middle school best friend Nina and me. The seventh song is Butterflies by Kacey Musgraves, this song is very meaningful to me because it's me and my girlfriend's song and it’s a reminder of the growth I have made within myself and my love life. The eighth song is Cruise by Florida Georgia Line, this was the first country band I started listening to when I was younger and the band reminds me of a very traumatic experience in my life. The ninth song is Man I Feel Like A Woman by Shania Twain. This song strikes a happy memory in my childhood because when all of my siblings were little and would be in my mom's suburban driving down the road we would sing this with her. The last song on my playlist is The Less I Know The Better by Tame Impala. This song just gives me an overall feeling of happiness and it was a song I listened to a lot when I was in a really good spot mentally.

#Blogpostone #Youtube #Spotify

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cocoascriptures · 4 years

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| LIFE AFTER LIBERTY | 2. JESSICA D. “And if we’re being honest, Never could explain how we align, Never could explain the timeline, Of old ghosts. And if we’re being honest, Think I’d rather stay on this side, It’s unspoken, Unspoken.”

a/n; oh Jess we’ve definitely had our ups and downs but I do want and wish for you to thrive as best as you know how. Here’s Jessica’s possible future. Hope you like! All gifs go right to their rightful owners! This gif belongs to @spookyrps! + song that reminds me of Jess and inspired this one is by Loony — ghosts

Jessica Davis was Righteous, brave, headstrong and many other things that people didn’t like but that never stopped her from being herself

She was accepted into Harvard law school and although she never saw herself living on the east coast, she was thrilled to get away from Crestmont. But that also meant leaving behind someone she deeply loved, Justin Foley.

If you asked Jessica what she wanted to be when she was younger, she wouldn’t have said a lawyer back then. She would have said farming like her farfar (grandfather) was back in Norway.

Some teachers found that humorous back then although her father did not.

However as a young child you never imagine your life to be violated by another person. Jessica had many talks with her younger self and hoped that she would be proud of the woman she is now. Law only felt right.

Jessica never knew love until she met Justin. Her first true love and although many had negative opinions before and after her sexual assault, at the end of the day the only opinions that mattered were her’s and Justin’s. No one else was apart of the relationship so why should anyone else get a say?

After everything they’ve all been through, prom was one of the best things that’s happened in a long time. Until Justin had a health scare. Nevertheless, Jessica stood by Justin and provided as much comfort as she could. She was there when he needed her to be, left when he told her to but not without telling him he was being an asshole to people who just wanted to help him, and she would stay when he secretly wanted her to but wouldn’t say it

Her father didn’t approve of Justin. Never did. Never thought he was good enough for his daughter especially after bryce raped her, Jess understood that but she would go against her father because she loved Justin. Of course she respected her father and loved him too but nothing would stop her from loving Justin. Nothing. Her heart wanted what it wanted.

It was less than three months of summer, and She would be gone from this traumatic place. It was never supposed to be her home permanently, since she was a military kid which usually involved moving every two years.

With Jessica moving to Cambridge, Massachusetts, her parents were spending the summer house searching for another two years...possibly. It was a good thing her father was allowed to stay in the states like these past few years but Jessica knew that wouldn’t last

Last she knew her mother was really voting for Maine while her father was leaning more towards Connecticut. They asked Jessica for her opinion but she spoke up saying that her younger brothers should get the say since she would only be around for holidays, BUT as long as she still had the second biggest room in the house she was fine either way

Summer felt like a blink of an eye. It was the fastest moment of all time ever being in Crestmont and she was the second to leave, after tony.

She spent half of her time imagining what life would be like on the east coast, she knew Hannah always wanted to be in New York. It was the week after the Fourth of July when her mother, and two younger brothers flew out to Massachusetts to take a tour of the school and get a head start of admissions + meeting a counselor + all that fun college shit

Although it felt like a breath of fresh air being outside of California, Jessica promised and knew she had to be back in Crestmont for Justin’s birthday. So after checking out her new school, she flew back home while her mother and little brothers went house hunting in Maine with lots of photos coming her way

They all celebrated Justin’s birthday with Tony on FaceTime down on the beach and even Sheri “came around back in town” from South Carolina — much to Justin’s surprise

Jessica would lie and say that she wasn’t jealous by the way Sheri and Justin held onto each other and chatted like she’s been here through it all. Although she knew Sheri was one of the main ones that helped Justin with his detox along with Tony, she felt like Sheri has a part of Justin that she didn’t

It wasn’t her fault that she pushed Justin away. At that time, she blamed Justin for playing a part in her sexual assault along with Hannah and she felt like she had a right to do so. She moved passed that thought process with some deep, deep therapy...However she hated the fact that another girl was there during one of Justin’s vulnerable times

It was all fake smiles from Jessica’s part when Sheri finally spoke to her and Ani called her out on it. Telling her to let it go, which she did after a few Mai tai’s and would be on her best behavior for the remainder of the night. It was Justin’s birthday after all, and the last one she would spend with him unbeknownst to the 18 year old

At the start she vowed to make it work with Justin, although he was staying behind to start at community college, Diego was texting her the night before she was about to leave. She found out that he was attending Boston university on a basketball scholarship instead of football? He was better at football than basketball but whatever. And guess what? Boston was only 16 minutes away from Cambridge. So of course he was plotting before she even left.

He had left for the summer to get a hang of the new home and told her she was love it out there. It was a whole different life. It was flattering that he was “working” for it but Jessica was still with Justin and would try her best to be loyal

It was a sucky, “see you later,” with Justin but they both got used to it. In fact the distance was a bit of a turn on for a little bit until Jessica became the one to mainly decline his calls

She was either wrapped up in debate courses, slumped in work, and actively planning protests. The field of law told Jessica all that she needed to know about the injustices in the world and what she was going to do to make it better

It was all work hard play hard at the beginning until she met a group of people, including her roommate who was probably into witchcraft, that brought her to sorority parties. That reminded her of parties she threw and parties she went to. She felt anxiety kicking in a little bit and had to separate herself, she would only have three drinks max and would get them herself.

The same thing goes for her roommate Luna, who drank like a fish. She would definitely beat Zach if she had the chance to meet the guy.

In fact Luna seemed to be her only true friend at Harvard. Everyone else seemed to be in competition with each other and tried to get ahead, that was clear in the classes she took. Except for Luna who didn’t play that shit. She was quick to call people out just like Jessica.

She also had three other people that seemed genuine in the RBL (Respect black lives) group. She didn’t start that group, and no one seemed to care that she started her own sexual assault group in high school, hands off our bodies.

“This isn’t high school anymore, girl. We got bigger fish to fry.” One of the guys in the group dismissed her, she remembered being humiliated that a man tried to silence her and make her feel like her truth wasn’t important. Of course she knew this wasn’t high school, he was one of the older guys in the group and came off as arrogant and frankly, he thought his shit didn’t stink.

He also liked to bring up the fact that she was a mixed girl and didn’t know the true struggle of black people. That set Jessica off along with her three group mates: Khalil, Sedona, and Terri.

“That’s the issue, as a black community we should be united and not kicking and judging someone for not being black enough. And even though you and majority of the rest of you feel the need to bring me down for something I’ve had no control over, I still stand next to you. I’m here to fight for many injustices, and black injustices is one of them. So you will start to treat me with the same respect I’ve been giving you. I am a black woman, I identify as such and if you don’t agree? That’s your issue. I’m here to fight for my brothers and sisters so respect that or please for the love of god, shut your bitch ass up.”

Jessica wasn’t used to being silenced. She hasn’t been that way for two years now but it felt like she was intimidated in the beginning. She was never tested on her blackness before and she couldn’t remain quiet for too much longer, so she let the guy have it. And it took just that for the rest of the group to engage with her.

She engaged but she didn’t socialize with them the same like she did with Khalil, Sedona, and Terri. In fact they hung out all the time outside of the RBL, going to parties together, making studying groups, and traveling to bars off campus.

Diego was still around encouraging her and her friends to come over to his campus, saying they were better. That wasn’t true but sure, Jess would keep him entertained from time to time.

When Jess did get a break, she took her time talking to her family in their new home in Connecticut and talking to Ani through zoom, asking her how journalism life was going for her at NYU.

Ani didn’t mind prying and getting answers out of Jess and Jess didn’t mind giving the information since at times she feels like she couldn’t talk to anyone else. And she needed to let the weight down, plus Jessica hadn’t had a real girl-friend in a long time to talk about her problems

She also noticed that Ani separated herself from the group chats. Only speaking to her, Alex from time to time, but mostly Tony & Caleb. “What’s that about?”

“It’s not many of you that liked me to begin with, I just thought I’d make it easier for everyone and only talk to the people that care for me, yeah?”

“Well you don’t need anyone else but me so. Don’t tell tony I said that.” “Of course, we all know secrets are safe with me...except this one, you know winston’s been reaching out to me about Alex.” “Ew, why?” “I don’t know but I’ve been telling him it’s a bad move. Especially since there’s something going on with him and Ryan.” “Ryan?!” “Uh huh.” “Jesus Christ.”

Jessica devoted her time, right on time, three years to getting her Juris Doctorate and still has four years to go to get a bachelors in political science

By twenty-one she was open to the idea of being with Diego since she came to terms with officially calling it quits for Justin years ago. For once she didn’t have to be in a serious relationship, and just had fun. Sure she dated around and hooked up with Khalil a couple of times but it was all casual. She needed to explore that side of her.

Three years prior went by and not once did Diego stop talking to her. Which showed a lot of persistence and she liked a man that was all about her. She had already slept with Diego when she found out Justin was moving on with his roommate named Jiya.

That left a bitter taste in her mouth, something she would never tell Diego even though she angrily had sex with him after learning of Justin’s new love life. She thought about him too selfishly until she decided that she needed to get closure from Justin. He needed to get out of her system fully. So she called him.

It hurt to let go of a high school love that you thought you saw forever with, but you can’t keep placing weight on yourself. It wasn’t right and anxiety was a real bitch.

Things progressed slowly with Diego but Jessica wasn’t a hundred percent sure she saw forever with him. I mean she was only twenty-one so she didn’t have to see that with him just yet. Yet she heard stories about how some people just knew when they met the one. It was like that for her parents when they met in Norway.

Jessica thought she had that with Justin but she wanted to try with Diego. Yet she saw different sides to him, he turned into a whole another person when he was upset. He would throw things and hit walls and scream in her face while jabbing his fingers in and at her. It felt verbally abusive but she stayed around just to say she had someone when the nights got lonely

He wasnt the worse person she’s ever met but Diego also had a lot of anger inside of him too that he needed to work on. Whenever Jess told him about it, he threw a bitch fit and Jess left not wanting to deal with his bullshit anymore, it was exhausting. He’d say he was sorry and would get better and knew he could be better but Jessica didn’t need someone to fix. She was fighting for other things in life now. She had her own life to deal with and Diego Torres didn’t need to be apart of it.

He claimed he was in love with her, and had been from the moment they first met but Jessica thought it was just lust. And she didn’t reciprocate those feelings in this time.

However she kept Diego around a little longer much to Ani’s disapproval, but they only met up to be intimate and Diego was beginning to get tired of it. He’d want to take her out on dates but Jess always had events to go to that she stopped inviting him to and was slumped studying for exams with Sedona and Terri.

In the middle of her semester she began looking at different programs finding that she was slowly but surely getting tired of school and this social life that began to feel like a chore. Jessica Davis needed to feel something more.

So after some digging she found that she could continue her studies online while on a cruise. This program allowed her to view cultures from all across the globe and apply it to her bachelors degree, political science. It also allowed her to see different injustices that people were facing. So sign her tf up!!!

Yes she was privileged having a father that worked in the military which allowed her to get on the cruise for a lower price + financial aid was generous from time to time but most likely there would be loans she would have to pay back since she was starting on her fourth year in school now

Little did she know ani hopped on the same opportunity but the friendship felt short lived when Jess found out that ani took and was still taking Mrs. Walker’s money for Bryce so she could go to school.

“You continue to lie to me and I just don’t know how I can be friends with a liar.” “What would you like? An apology for taking money that I could use to better myself? I’m not fortunate enough to be here on military discount.” “No you dont have to apologize, it wouldn’t make sense to now would it? You should have just been honest. That you like taking handouts from a rapists’ family. They didnt do this out of the kindness of their hearts, Ani!” “See this is why you’ll be all by yourself in the end, Jess. You only see and believe things to be your way. We all have to do things to get by, just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean things have to go your way. This is my life and I’ll live it the way I want to.” “I pity you. Just like Mrs. Walker does. Does your mother know that she’s got you wrapped around her finger like Bryce did?” “Fuck you, Jessica Davis.” “No, fuck you!”

Life continued to be hard in ways of friendship and love but maybe that’s not what she really needed. Maybe she needed the atmosphere of the world around her to teach her something more. She’s been to portgual, Morocco, Algeria, turkey, and ended in Brazil.

By 26 Jessica decided that she found her home elsewhere. She never felt at home in the states. When she came back fully completing her law program, she went to Connecticut to see her family and stayed for a few months before deciding to relocate all on her own to Portugal. When she first arrived on the cruise, she let out a sigh of relieve. She felt at ease.

Life in Portugal was...something to get used to opposed to tourism. Jessica took up the time before coming here to learn the language buying books and watching films only in Portuguese. Tyler loved that Jessica was out exploring the new world, as he was traveling more with his photography. He was currently in Germany on a work trip and enjoyed it.

Jessica and Tyler were the only ones who still talked at the point. Clay still reached out even though her and Justin decided to let each other go but after awhile there wasn’t much more to talk about. Clay always made sure everyone celebrated the anniversary of Hannah baker but otherwise than that they stopped talking too. And she was okay with that. She would check in with Alex every other month but his texts seemed dry so she figured he wanted to be left alone or he was either on ani’s side now. Whatever. She thought about calling ani but fuck that, ya know. But she did miss her some days. The rest, they’d like a photo or two of hers on social media but that was pretty much it. Her number never changed.

Diego had her blocked, she called to talk through how they left things but NOPE he was done with her ass too

Tyler agreed that he would love to visit her sometime, maybe around his birthday or New Years—if she wasn’t busy. They still needed to work out the details but Jessica was happy to know that Tyler was doing well.

She became adjusted to eating seafood most of the time, the cost of living here was great but she had to get used to living in a smaller space but bigger than her dorm room and the narrow windy streets, clothes were expensive here so she learned how to sew her own clothes or find thrift shops way out of town, and the pay here even as a lawyer was lower than in the states.

By thirty, Jessica decided to start going on blind-dates at restaurants by the stunning beaches here. The men were beautiful, super nice, and the way they spoke was also lovely to hear even though she should be used to it by now. She met all sorts of guys, none of them american but that didn’t matter. It wasn’t something she was looking for anyways.

There was one or two guys she wouldn’t mind seeing again but Jess didn’t know if getting back into a relationship was what she needed right now. However her mother thought different, she wanted her first born to give her some grand-babies by now but she already had one on the way due to her twenty-one year old brother, Elijah getting his girlfriend from high school pregnant. They were still together. Must be nice. Jess met her a couple of times and she liked her. It took a lot for Jess to admit that and to warm up to people. She could honestly say she hated her youngest brother’s friends and his girlfriends.

It didn’t hurt to get back out on the scene. She told her mom that she did get lonely and was tired of meaningless hookups, yes she shared that info with her mom—and Tyler but, whatever. She wanted someone that she could come back to in her homey apartment, talk to, sleep next to, and just having someone there would be nice.

“Get a cat or a hedgehog. I don’t know what the common pet there is.” Her youngest brother, Cooper chimes in over their mother’s shoulder on the zoom chat. “I can’t afford a animal right now.” “Told your ass you shouldn’t have moved out there right after school. You barely worked while in school.” “Hey, coop? Kiss my ass.”

Anyways there were two guys that she meshed with on the blind dates. One was older than her by five years, making him 35. Jess never thought much of older guys except for certain avengers she had crushes on but Celso was an intelligent man. An entrepreneur who enjoyed exercising on the beach, he was slightly graying around his facial hair but it was extremely sexy to Jess. He had been married once but his wife was killed and the case was never solved, which peaked Jess’s interest? No shock there. He was intelligent and well known around here, making Jess wonder why he was single, which she asked. Celso took time just like Jess to be by himself and grow on his own.

Then there was Frederico who was two years younger than Jess. He flew helicopters and liked to have a good time at bars and do spontaneous activities around the town, was a smooth talker, and knew how to make her laugh. Whereas Celso knew how to challenge her. Frederico would bring out the fun side of Jess whereas Celso could build with her. It all came down to what Jess truly wanted.

So...she called Justin one night when she was home alone, raining after downing a bottle of wine. It always seemed like she was calling him. She didn’t know if it was alright to call him, but fuck it. They were still friends right? She needed to call him. Tipsy? Probably not. She thought he would have answered but he didn’t.

Which hurt? But she left him a message she would forget later on. He’d listen to it and think about sending her a text but decided against it. He closed their chapter awhile ago and they needed to stand by it. He was with someone else now and was planning to marry them. Jess needed to be happy and she couldn’t do that if she was still attached to him.

Days turned into months where she went to work, which usually consisted of slow days in the office. Her day was brightened up when a familiar face knocked on the glass window to get her attention. He walked in dressed in his business atire, holding white roses.

“Shall we get lunch, Meu amor?” Celso asked, his eyes only on Jessica.

She looked different now. Her once dark brown hair tinted a deep reddish brown like Beyoncé had in the film obsessed and cut into a pixie cut with a long side bang. She started parting her hair to the side instead of down the middle. She worked out with Celso now, toning her slim thick figure and found working out actually helped her anxiety.

Things were beginning to pick up. She took guidance from Celso who told her work would be better for her out in Porto where he worked but Jess was never one to bow down to a man. She didn’t need to view it as such but he was a native, he would know but she liked to challenge him back. They were a good fit. And often took a train out there on weekends since Celso lived there himself.

“Lunch and much more.” Jess replied, grabbing her jean jacket and bag as she got up to press a kiss to the man’s cheek and shove a newspaper into his chest while taking the white rose from his hand.

“Oh what new revolution do you have for us today?” He smiles flicking the paper out as he followed the woman out into the sun.

Life begins now.

#13rw #13 reasons why #13rw spoilers #13rw4 #jessica davis #alisha boe #jessica davis x reader #13rw blurb #blurbs #headcanon #jessica x justin #diego torres #ani achola #alex standall #tyler down

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sonicrainicorn · 4 years

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In My Life

Part of the Berry Done AU

Words: 10618 Desc.: Patton always lived under the assumption that blood was thicker than water. But if a patient needs type B- you can’t give them A+. So if there’s family that isn’t the blood type you need... why risk a fatal reaction? TW: Transphobia, homophobic language, queer used as a slur, general bullying, suicide (mention), minor character death (mention), brief discussion of sex, bad coming out experiences

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Patton didn’t remember being an only child. He was two years old when Damien was born and three years old when Alexandria was born. His earliest memories have always been filled with siblings.

Supposedly, when Patton held both his siblings for the first time, he fell in love with them. He didn’t say anything, but he held them close and stared at them like they were the most fascinating things he had ever seen.

And that’s how it had always been.

Patton loved both of his siblings more than anything — he loved his family. By the time he was five, he decided to give as much love to his family as he could. Every day he would say that he loved them. Before leaving for school, he’d hug his parents and give his siblings each a kiss on their foreheads. Alexandria always giggled and babbled at him while Damien made a face as if he was unimpressed with it. (But he’d get mad if Patton tried to leave without giving him one.)

It was normal. Easy. Typical. There was nothing special about his upbringing. He lived a picture-perfect life with a nuclear family. That was the American dream, wasn’t it? That’s what many people tried to achieve. And he had it right from birth. Looking back on it as an adult, he was rather… privileged. He didn’t realize it growing up. Not everyone had a life like he did. Not everyone was as lucky.

That's what his grandma tried to teach him.

"Patton, sometimes things are difficult for other people," she would always say. "You have to stand up for them whenever they need it. Help them when you can. Everyone listens to people like us. Use it for good."

His mom didn't like the way she talked sometimes. He overheard her once, berating her own mother of trying to raise her children to be anarchists.

When he learned what that word meant, he didn't think it was accurate.

He liked his grandma a lot. She was kind and full of lessons and stories. Plus, she was really good at baking. That was a great trait in any grandmother — any person, even.

But sometimes his parents fought with his grandma. Only sometimes. They had arguments about the way she saw the world and the way she tried to teach it to Patton and his siblings. He didn't understand why they couldn't both be right. Parents were always right. And all his grandma ever said was to be nice to people no matter how "strange" they may seem. That seemed right, too.

Still, they didn't get to see their grandma that often.

And it wasn't until middle school that her views on the world started to make sense to Patton.

There was a boy in his grade named Seth. He was shy and didn't have many friends, but he was nice. Patton had two classes with him. He never gave him much thought, though. Not until he saw some other boys picking on him. It was what his dad referred to as "harmless fun", so he didn't say anything at first. He watched from the sidelines as things turned less harmless and less fun. He didn't step in until they pushed him over.

He wasn't much of a fighter. He was a runner. Literally. He was on the cross country team. These boys could snap him in half without breaking a sweat. That didn't stop him from standing in. He was scared and nervous, but he stood between Seth and the other boys. “Leave him alone,” he said in the strongest voice he could muster. “He hasn’t done anything to you.”

The boys were surprised. They looked between each other, unsure of what to do. No one had ever stopped them before. One of them tried to make a move but was halted by the leader. At least, Patton assumed he was the leader. “Sure,” he said, annoyed. “We were done.” Then they left.

Patton didn’t sigh in relief until they were out of sight. All of his limbs were trembling and his heart hammered in his ears. He wasn’t sure what they’d do, but he was glad they were gone. “Are you okay?” He turned to Seth.

Seth stared up at him in shock. “You helped me.”

“Uh, yeah. It looked like you needed it.” He extended a hand.

Seth continued to stare at him. Slowly, he accepted the offer. “Thank you.”

They became friends after that.

It was a gradual thing. After helping him, Patton became more aware of Seth’s presence. He sent him smiles in class, stayed with him after school in the time before practice, stood up for him. Seth was wary of it at first. No one had ever helped him out before. But Patton assured him that he didn’t have an ulterior motive. He was doing it just to be nice, but he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries so he kept it to a minimum.

Seth was rather friendly once passed the anxious and shy walls. He was soft-spoken. Gentle. He avoided confrontation as much as possible. But he had passions. He was a very good artist. He loved animals. He liked hearing stories.

Patton enjoyed his presence. He didn’t understand why other people picked on him. They just didn’t know him.

Maybe the thing was they thought they did.

He heard what his friends said. Their mean whispers based on speculation. Patton was never one for rumors. But everyone thought Seth was odd. A weirdo. A pansy. There were a lot of adjectives thrown around about him that everyone was convinced were fact. The thing about rumors, however, is everyone is convinced their version of the story is correct.

"What?" Patton looked at his friend incredulously.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I heard it from Jaime. He likes guys."

"Well, I like you guys." Sometimes.

"Not like that." Ryan stepped in. "As in like them. Like," he leaned over and made kissy faces at Samson.

"Gross! Get out of here!" He tried to push him back.

Patton rolled his eyes at their shenanigans. He didn’t understand the big deal. His grandma had an old picture of her kissing a girl when she was younger. She put it up in the hallway of her house to make his dad angry. He saw it every time they went over. It was a normal thing.

Still, Patton decided to ask his parents about it.

His dad’s reaction was to be expected. “It’s wrong. Two men shouldn’t be together like that. It isn’t natural. If God wanted two men to be together, he would have made one for Adam.”

“But —” If God didn’t want men to be together, he wouldn’t have made some people that way. And didn’t God make everyone a certain way? Isn’t that what you said? — “Mom?”

Mom sighed softly. She was mending one of Alexandria’s dresses. “Listen to your father, sweetheart.”

~~~

As the cross country season switched over to track and field, Patton and Seth became closer friends. There were still rumors and name-calling, but they tried to ignore it as best as they could. Patton stood up for Seth whenever he needed to. A lot of people started calling Patton things as well. They didn’t understand why he continued to hang out with Seth Summers of all people.

He was a good friend, that’s why.

Recently, he started waiting after school for Patton to finish practice. He said it was so he could do homework in peace and then get a ride home. Patton saw the reasoning in that. He had been to Seth’s house. He knew how chaotic it got with all those siblings.

Turned out Seth was also the oldest. But he had one more sister than Patton did. She was only a few months old, and Seth loved her to death. Besides all the kids, there was also Mrs. Summers and her parents. Patton never asked about Mr. Summers, and Seth never told him. Nevertheless, it was a lot of bodies in a tiny house. It would make sense to want to spend time out of that.

And Patton’s mom liked Seth, so it was no issue taking him home.

It became a routine. Every day after school, Seth would walk with Patton up to the track and then sit in the bleachers and do homework until it was time to leave. Mondays and Wednesdays Alexandria had band practice, so she was always in the car by that time. Tuesdays and Thursdays Damien had baseball practice, so he also had a spot on the car before them. Fridays were the only days where it was just the two of them in the backseat. Sometimes Seth came over on those days.

“Isn’t it weird to be the only boy?” Damien asked as he readied to swing the bat. They were in the backyard since Dad said Damien needed more practice.

“Not really.” Seth was sitting on the porch. “It is what it is. Plus, Marianna is more of a boy than I am. She likes football and getting dirty. All those types of things.” He followed the baseball with his eyes.

Alexandria caught it in her mitt. “Is there anything wrong with that?” She handed it back to Patton.

“No.”

Patton kept the ball in his hand. They had been at this for a while already. He could tell both Alexandria and Damien were getting tired of it.

To prove his point, Damien let out a pitiful sound and slumped his shoulders. “I have a game tomorrow. How long does Dad expect us to do this?”

Alexandria plopped down on the grass to give herself a break from chasing the ball. “We’ve been doing it forever.”

Before Patton could agree and say they should head inside, their dad poked his head out. "Alexandria, if you're going to sit on the ground sit like a lady." She huffed and sat properly. "Why are you using your brother's glove? Let Patton do the catching."

"But I suck at catching," Patton whined.

Damien leaned against his bat. "Yeah, he sucks at catching. Al is a lot better at it."

"Baseball isn't for girls," Dad said pointedly. "Come inside Alex. Let the boys play."

"But I —"

"Now."

Alexandria sighed and threw off the glove. She trudged in the house without looking up at anyone.

"You two,” he pointed between his sons, “start catching."

"But —" Damien tried to interject.

"No buts. The only way to improve is to practice." He went back inside.

"That seemed a little harsh," Seth muttered after a moment.

Damien huffed and picked up his glove from where Alexandria threw it. "Dads are just like that."

Patton frowned at the baseball.

The next week started their routine all over again. Same days. Same things. Except on Thursday, there was a slight break in their established schedule. Patton walked out of the locker room, expecting to see Seth waiting nearby, but that didn't happen. Seth wasn't there.

Surprised, Patton looked all around the building. Nothing. This was a first. Patton decided to go back up to the track to see if he was still there. He didn't know where else to look.

As he walked up, he spotted someone under the bleachers. They seemed about the right size and shape for Seth.

“Hey, what are you doing up here?” Patton ducked under. “My mom’s gonna come by soon.” He wasn’t met with a response. “Seth?”

There was a pause. Then Seth turned to face him, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Patton froze.

"Everyone hates me, Pat.” He wiped his eyes. “They all think I’m weird, or gross or — or whatever it is they say about me.” He put his face in his hands. “No matter what I do it’s never going to change.”

“I…” Patton didn’t know how to respond. “I think it can change.”

Seth dropped his hands, partially glaring at Patton. “That’s easy for you to say. You’re Patton Calon. Everyone loves you. You have a perfect life — you’re perfect.” He slumped to the floor. “Straight A student, star athlete, handsome, funny. You’re great at everything. I don’t understand why you hang out with me.”

“I can’t bake.”

Seth looked up at him. “What?”

“I’m not good at baking.” Patton sat beside him. “It always ends up burnt or tasting weird no matter what I do. And I’m bad at drawing. I don’t know how to read sheet music. I’m not much of a catcher. My handwriting is terrible.” He shrugged. “We’re all bad at something as much as we’re good at other things. And I like hanging out with you. You’re fun, and nice, and interesting. I wouldn’t trade any moment I’ve spent with you for anything else.”

Before Patton could even blink, Seth’s lips crashed into his. His eyes widened and a surprised squeak remained caught in the back of his throat. He didn’t know how to respond. Yet as quickly as it started, it was over. Seth pulled back as a slow realization crossed his face.

“Oh my God,” he uttered in horror. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. It was an accident. I’m sorry. I —”

Patton did the only thing he could think to do to stop Seth’s rambling. He connected their lips together. It was messy and clumsy, but it got its point across. “Come on,” Patton said after. “My mom will be here soon.” He extended a hand to help Seth up.

Seth didn’t do anything other than stare at him. Slowly, he gave a soft smile. “Alright.” He took Patton’s hand.

They didn’t let go until they saw the car.

~~~

One day, there was an incident.

Patton and Seth walked together into school, as was their habit, and talked between themselves. Ever since their kiss, something shifted. Spending time together was different. Sharing glances was different. Sometimes it felt like they were in their own little world.

They didn’t notice something was off until they got to Seth’s locker.

A group of students was around it, whispering — some snickering. Patton made his way through them to help Seth to his own locker. When he got there he stopped in his tracks. Seth crashed into his back at the sudden stop and moved around to see what was wrong. He didn’t show anything but surprise at first.

All of their lockers were light blue. It was one of the school’s colors, so it made sense. But it only made the thick, black marks stand out more. They curled into five messy letters. Harmless on their own, but together they implied something cruel. An assumption. Queer.

At the time, it was still used mostly as an insult. Patton didn’t understand why it was. As a word by itself, it wasn’t very mean or unpleasant sounding. When people gave it a meaning, that’s where all the hate came from. He heard it once in passing. Not to him or anyone he knew, but to a man wearing a dress. He didn’t ask what it meant. The person that said it sounded angry so he assumed it was a bad word. The man didn’t seem upset by it; he just ignored the person and waited for his bus.

His grandma was with him. She was taking him and Damien and Alexandria somewhere. He didn’t remember. He had a feeling if they weren’t there she would have said something. Instead, she grumbled, “Damn hick town.” and kept walking, tugging Damien and Alexandria along a little faster.

“Grams, what’s wrong with wearing a dress?” Alexandria asked before Patton could ask something similar. She was only five.

“Nothing,” Grams responded. “Anyone can wear whatever they want no matter who they are.”

“Even boys in dresses?” Damien questioned in his quiet voice.

“Yes, even them.”

Since then, it was the only time Patton heard the word. But now, here it was written on his friend’s locker. He couldn’t help but remember the way that person said it. Hateful. Full of anger and venom. That’s the way someone wrote it. That’s how they wanted it to be seen. They succeeded.

Seth turned and ran, pushing himself through the crowd. Patton remained frozen for a moment before regaining control of his body and following after him. The kids around them whispered even louder.

He followed him into the restroom, not making it in time to stop one of the stalls from shutting. The bell rang for the start of the school day. Patton ignored it. “Seth?” He gently knocked on the stall door. “Are you okay?”

“I told you,” Seth sobbed. “I told you it wouldn’t change. You’re better off without me.”

“I…” Patton didn’t know what to say. “I like you. I like hanging out with you. You’re — you’re nice.”

“Just go to class. You shouldn’t be late because of me.”

He idled. What was he supposed to do if Seth didn’t want to listen to him? “Um, o-okay, um, I’ll see you later then.” He still hesitated. “I can stay —”

“Don’t.”

Patton winced. “Okay. I-I’ll, um, I’ll go. You know where to find me.”

But Seth didn’t go to find him. He stayed hiding the rest of the day. Somewhere not even Patton could find. And Patton looked everywhere when he found the restroom empty. He was gone. Maybe moving spots like some horrible game of hide-and-seek. Eventually, Patton was forced to give up. He had to go home. If he were given a choice, he would have kept searching.

The next day Seth didn't show up for school. Or the next. Or the next after that. Patton started to wonder what was going on; Seth had never missed so much school before. He was another missed day from going over to his house to see what happened.

He didn't have to.

He walked into school that morning, alone again. He noticed a group of students around his locker. Annoyed and aggravated by the mystery of his friend, Patton pushed through the group without so much as a sorry. He wished he didn't.

In that same black permanent marker was a word. A similar word to the one on Seth's, except this one was… meaner. Patton realized he heard his father say it a few times. Maybe this person heard it the same way. It was ugly from all angles. There wasn’t any way to make it seem innocent. It was obvious this was meant to hurt. It was mean and awful. Not a word kids say unless their parents say it first.

Damn hick town, indeed.

Patton couldn't look away from it. He was sure this would be seared into his brain forever. It looked burned into his locker. He reached out and touched it, swiping his finger along all six letters, but it didn't do a thing. It had dried long ago. There was nothing to do but scrub it off. He didn't want to do that, though. He would rather take the door off its hinges and throw it as far as he could. He'd rather break it to pieces. But he knew if he did that then he'd get into more trouble than the person who wrote the word. So the door stayed where it was. The word stayed where it was. No one said anything.

The bell rang.

That was the thing that snapped Patton out of his trance. He didn't touch his locker. He left to go to class before the other kids even moved.

Class announcements always started in first period at the same exact time every day without fail. Except for today. Today they were late. Not by much, but enough to notice that they were missing. When the familiar sound to begin announcements finally turned on, all the students in class settled down one by one. There was a single announcement made.

Seth Summers passed away yesterday afternoon.

The room went eerily quiet. It didn’t even sound like anyone breathed.

Patton sure as hell didn’t. All the air had been stolen from him like he landed flat on his back. He stared at the empty chair two seats away from him.

The announcement continued, stating rather vaguely that he killed himself. Of course, it was said as politely as such a tragedy can be said. Though it still felt pretty blunt to Patton. He looked for Seth everywhere. He should have stayed with him in the bathroom. He should have decided to go over sooner. He should have done something but instead, he sat around and waited. And now it was too late.

There was a moment of silence to end the announcement. Even when it was over no one uttered a word.

While Patton sat there in the tense, blanket of quiet, he promised that he would never let this happen again to anyone. If he didn’t make this promise, he’d fear it would happen again. He felt it was up to him to stop it. He didn’t want anyone he cared about reaching their breaking point. Whether it meant standing up for them or talking them off the edge, he’d do it. Whatever it took.

~~~

When Alexandria was thirteen she told Patton she had an issue. And Patton, being her older brother, seemed like the best person to go to. Well, other than Grams. Grams was always the number one choice for the siblings whenever the option arose. But they hadn't seen her recently so she went to Patton.

She walked into his room while he was doing homework. Before he could even acknowledge her, she started speaking, "Do you ever feel like… your clothes are wrong?"

Patton stared at her. She was twisting the end of her shirt in her hands, avoiding his gaze while her cheeks turned bright red. "Uh, what do you mean by that?"

"I-I just mean like — like you don't think they're right. There's something wrong with… how they look."

"I can't say that I know the feeling." Patton set his pencil down. He could finish later. "I rather like my clothes. I think they suit me."

"Y-yeah, well, um, that's the thing. I… I don't…" She balled her shirt in her hands. "I don't think my clothes suit me."

"I'm sure Mom will take you shopping."

She cringed at that. "I don't like going shopping with Mom. She only picks out what she wants me to wear."

"Well, Dad doesn't like shopping at all."

"And even if he did, he'd probably choose whatever he thinks I should be wearing."

Patton frowned a bit. "We could ask Grams."

"I feel like maybe she'd be the only one to get it." She dropped her shirt. "I-I'll ask her when we see her." She turned to leave.

"Alex, wait."

She hesitantly turned back to him.

He could tell something was off, but he couldn't place what. Alexandria was normally an eccentric person; she wasn't a wallflower by any means. She liked being loud and went in with a hundred percent confidence with everything. She goofed off, often causing mischief with Damien, and loved with every inch of her heart. "Is that really all you wanted to say?"

"No, but…" She hesitated again before taking a seat on his bed. “I don’t know if this will make any sense to you. I-it’s not only that my clothes look wrong, it’s that — it’s like they don’t fit right, either.”

Patton sat beside her. “Why don’t they?”

“I don’t know.” She hugged her knees. “It's like they’re too small. It's uncomfortable and I hate it, but everyone else is acting like it's normal. I want to wear something that I fit in. Something that feels right. But everyone — Mom, Dad — they're all handing me clothes too small and forcing me to wear them. They're shoving it in my face and I — I just —” She buried her face in her knees. “I just want to be normal.”

He didn’t know what to say for a moment. He had no idea what she was going through. “Let’s talk to Grams.” He stood up.

She looked up at him in surprise. “What?”

“We both know she has all the answers all the time. Let’s go see her.”

“But, but Mom —”

“She’s not here.”

That was true. She searched for another excuse. “W-well, you don’t even have a license.”

“Well, I know how to drive.”

“Isn’t that illegal?”

“Not if you don’t get caught.” He mussed up her hair, pushing some strands in her face. “C’mon. There’s only so much time Dad can handle pretending to pick out groceries.” He pulled her to her feet.

She didn’t have anymore protests as he took her down the stairs. Damien was by the kitchen with his hand in a box of Cheez-It crackers. “What are you guys up to?” He took out a handful of tasty orange squares.

“We’re gonna see Grams,” Patton answered, already opening the door.

Damien tossed the box back on the dining table. “And you weren’t going to tell me? Unbelievable.” He followed them out and offered some of his Cheez-Its to Alexandria.

~~~

No one could make a choice for Alexandria. They could only present her with options. It wasn’t anyone’s decision but her own.

Once he chose what to do it became rather hard to switch over.

Not that no one tried — they did. But once you know someone one way for nearly fourteen years, it’s hard to break a habit. Still, they tried. Damien, Patton, and Grams. They were the only ones he told. There was no one else he trusted as much as them. Which was heartwarming, really, but that was only three people out of everyone he knew. He didn’t even trust his friends enough to tell them.

In a town like this, it wasn’t too far off to assume everyone would be against it.

But despite that, he seemed happy to finally have a name to put to what he felt. He wasn't alone. There were other people like him.

Grams, predictably, was a big help. She didn't have an answer at first — hadn't had experience with it before — but she worked tirelessly to figure one out. Both she and Alexandria spent a lot of time together doing research. (Most of it behind parents' backs.) It meant a lot to Alexandria to have someone help him out through all the confusion. Patton and Damien were always there, but they didn't partake in any research. They felt odd doing it. Like they were intruding somehow.

Which made sense when Grams — Rosie Picani — came out to them as agender.

Looking through all the answers made her realize that not everyone felt the way that she did. What she was had a different name. In her case, it wasn't that the clothes fit wrong, it was that she was tailoring them herself the whole time and assumed everyone did the same. Apparently, it was never too late to discover new things about yourself.

With identities out of the way, there was still an issue of what to be called. In Alexandria's case anyway. Grams was fine with still being Rosie. She was fine with still being referred to as "she" — it wasn't as if she had much of a preference to begin with. But Alexandria wasn't sure if he wanted to keep his name. Not that he was called that every day or anything. Normally it was Alex. Sometimes Al in the case of Patton and Damien. He was only ever called Alexandria when he was in trouble.

"Names can be special," Grams said once. Their parents were there so she kept it vague. Played it off like some old-age wisdom. "Every one has a meaning. Some grand. Some small. But we have them for a reason. Perhaps you can say there are certain names we were always meant to have. Whether we choose them or not.”

And, once again, no one could make the choice for Alexandria. It was up to him to decide.

So as much as Patton wanted to be an overbearing older brother, he wouldn’t. Or rather, he couldn’t. It wasn’t his life to live — it wouldn’t be right to step in. He and Damien had been in the background every step of the way, and they would continue to do so. They were only there for support — not to meddle.

When he came into Patton’s room one day, telling him his preferred name, Patton just smiled. He messed with his hair the same way he always did, and said, “Sure thing, Emile.”

After that, Patton thought it would be over. Everything was settled, wasn’t it? Yes, there were accidents — slips of the tongue that were difficult to overcome — but soon everything locked into place. That should have been the end, right? Emile with his proper name and pronouns. A happy ending.

It wasn't that simple.

Many years later, a month before Patton left for college, he heard shouting down the hall. Angered shouting. He ended the call with his friend and opened his door. The shouting hit him full force. It was his dad. That shouldn't have been surprising to him. Whenever there was yelling, most of the time it was his dad.

He followed it to Damien's room but didn't walk in. He stayed next to the doorway. Out of sight, but still able to hear. If there was one thing he learned from all his years, it was to never interrupt Dad while he was in the middle of a rant. No matter how horrible it was.

"You are my daughter. Start acting like it."

Damien tried to protest.

"Don't defend her. You shouldn't even be lending her your clothes, anyway."

Patton waited. He let his dad scream at his little brothers without stepping in. Without saying a word. He waited until his dad left. He didn't talk to him. They both pretended the other wasn't there. Only when he was down the stairs did Patton look into the room. Damien scowled at the ground. Emile tried not to let his tears go. He didn't succeed. He threw himself at Damien and cried into his shoulder. Damien hugged him without a word. He spotted Patton, giving him a glare that said, "Why didn't you do anything?"

But Patton didn't have a response. All he could think was that he'd be leaving them soon. It wasn't his choice, really. He didn't want to go to a university, but his parents insisted. He tried to tell them that going to a four-year school for an associate's degree was a waste of money, but they didn't listen. They were hoping he'd change his mind about his career choice. They wanted him to do something "better". So, in the middle of being annoyed and wanting to be away from his parents, he chose a school in the farthest state he could get to.

He didn't think about what that might mean for his brothers.

~~~

University life was not at all what Patton was prepared for. Not that he was prepared for much. He was just a dumb country boy from a small town. That's everything he had ever known for eighteen years. Most people there didn't even think about college. But here he was. A new place. A new state.

No family.

At all.

For the first time in his life, he was completely alone. No brothers right down the hall. No parents arguing in the kitchen. No grandmothers a few streets away. He was on his own. He was somewhere where new faces were common and you were lucky to see anyone more than once. He couldn't name everyone he saw. He didn't know what they did or what their parents did or how long they had lived here. He was surrounded by strangers.

It was scary and new, and… he got used to it.

The first few weeks were rough, but once he settled in, he really settled in. This was the type of place he belonged to. New people, new places, new experiences — he had no idea life could be this way. There was so much to do and see, but not enough time to do and see them. He still had to go to school, after all. But he made the most of it. Out of everything. He stayed on top of his classes while also going out with friends every other night. It was the most organized he had ever been in his life.

He met so many people in his first year alone; not all of them remained friends. Now, he didn't want to say he slept around, but… he didn't exactly say no to very many advances. Men, women, both — on occasion. Whoever. Whenever. If they were willing, so was he. Though, he did have a few actual relationships that continued longer than a night (or two). Some didn't last long. Others lasted a while. There was one with a girl that lasted half a year. That was certainly a fun time for both of them. He started to get a bit of a reputation as a playboy, though. Never, in his entire life, did he think that would be applied to him.

He didn't consider himself one. He just enjoyed being with people. He's sure he's fallen in love a little bit with everyone he's ever met. But not everyone was like that. Some people only give their hearts to those they truly love. Patton left a piece of his heart with everyone. Not a lot of people understood that.

Regardless, college life was something he never knew he needed and he rather enjoyed it.

But at the start of his second year, something came up. His phone started to ring in the middle of the night. He opened his eyes to a vaguely familiar room and groped around for his phone so he could shut it up. The bright light blinded him for a moment, but he was able to make out the caller ID.

"Emile?" He stared at it in confusion. The body beside him grumbled and shifted. He finally answered it. "Em? It's already passed midnight." Well, for Patton at least. There was an hour difference between them.

"I-I'm sorry, I just —"

"Are you okay?" He sat up, feeling more awake by the second. "What's wrong?"

He stifled a sob. “I, I tried to make them understand. M-Mom just — she just stood there. She, she didn’t s-say anything to stop Dad. I only wanted them to understand. I c-couldn’t — I-I didn’t want —” He was near hysterics. He kept sabotaging his own sentences and rambling.

“Em. Emi, breathe. What are you talking about? What happened?”

“I came out.”

Patton paused. He didn’t know what to think, or what to say. He’s heard horrible coming out stories before. He never thought he'd hear one from his own brother. "How… where are you? Where's D?"

"I, I'm going to Grams. I'm walking. They — Dad kicked me out. I-I don't know where D is. He must have snuck out before I told them."

Of course. Damien always did have terrible timing. "Just — just stay with Grams, okay? I'll try to be there as soon as possible." He threw the blankets off, startling the person beside him. He needed to start looking for a plane ticket.

~~~

So Patton dropped out.

His parents were disappointed, but he didn’t tell them why when they asked. Or at least, he didn’t tell them the real reason. He made something up. He needed a break or couldn’t handle it or something along those lines — they believed him. He hated how they made him a good liar.

The real reason was for Emile.

Patton caught the soonest flight home he could find. He didn’t tell his parents. He stayed with Grams while they figured out what to do next. Damien stopped by a few times. He didn’t say it, but Patton could tell he was guilty for not being there. Damien and Emile were practically best friends. Patton sometimes joked that they were twins. With only a year separating them, it was hard not to act so similarly. But the one night Emile needed him the most, he wasn’t there.

In the end, they decided that the best thing for Emile was to get him far away. He would stay with Patton in Florida. Unfortunately, his apartment was one bedroom. But there was no way in hell he was letting that stop him. He wasn’t going to let Emile stay in this damn hick town any longer than he had to. He had half a mind to take Damien, too, but he didn’t want to risk anything.

“Will you keep an eye on Damien for me?” Patton asked before they left.

“Of course,” Grams responded with a smile. “I’m his grandmother.”

It was a little over two months later when Damien showed up at Patton’s apartment. Patton wasn’t anticipating him. Neither he nor Grams called. Still, Damien walked in as if he was expected without a word. The only thing he brought with him was his backpack and whatever was in it. He didn’t say anything for the rest of the day. Not until that night. Patton heard him talking to Emile about what happened. He made a joke about their parents not being able to lie about Patton being the favorite now.

Patton didn’t know how to feel about that.

He let them talk between themselves. He didn’t interrupt. He didn’t try to step in. He let them have their moment. When it was late in the night, he decided to check on them. They were fast asleep, curled up on the bed. The only bed. In the only bedroom.

A steady stream of air left Patton’s mouth. “We’re gonna need a bigger place,” he muttered to himself.

So he continued school at a community college — like he originally intended — made friends, started a new job, made more friends, got invited to a party once, and… a cute boy crashed into him. A cute boy with dark eyes like the night sky and faint freckles dancing along his nose.

“S-sorry.” The most gorgeous blush bloomed on his cheeks. “I suppose I didn’t see where I was going.”

Patton grinned, already knowing what he should say next.

~~~

Logan was different.

At first, Patton was planning to just have another fling, which was wrong and a bit unfair, but Logan didn’t show to have any interest in that. At all. And that was fine, of course, Patton wouldn’t force him into anything. But it was a first in a long while.

One of the earliest things he noticed was that Logan was sort of… timid. The same way a kitten is when dropped in a new place. Which is to say, suspicious of everything. Timid was a nice word for it, though. And much like a kitten, trust had to be built up slowly and over time. Patton wanted to be his friend. Except sometimes over-excited puppies and nervous kitties don’t always get along. So Patton made a conscious effort to take notes of what did and did not make Logan nervous when interacting with him.

For example, Logan didn’t like it when someone got too loud. He didn’t say anything about it, (he never did. Not about any of the things Patton noticed bothered him.) and if Patton didn’t pay half as much attention to people as he did, he probably wouldn’t have even realized it. It was a subtle thing. Whenever someone raised their voice — specifically to him — for whatever reason, he made himself smaller. He avoided their gaze. Replied non-verbally. Stayed like a coiled spring until the person diverted their attention elsewhere or relaxed.

He also didn't like being snuck up on. Patton did it once on accident and he was tense throughout the whole interaction.

Over time, Patton got better at avoiding the things Logan didn't like. He couldn't say why he was putting so much effort into this. Most people wouldn't pay as much attention or, because Logan never said anything, just ignore that their actions were harmful. But Patton wasn't doing that. He was trying. Maybe it was because Logan reminded him of someone. Or maybe it was because he saw that Logan was lonely. And maybe, somewhere deep down, Patton was lonely too.

~~~

The brothers had just moved into a new house when Logan came over to study. For as smart as Logan was, he was awful at studying. He didn't do it in a helpful way, and Patton was somewhat convinced he was doing it to torture himself. So Patton offered to help him study more constructively. At first, Logan was hesitant, but he eventually decided that doing it his way for four different classes wasn't going to cut it. Since then, they always studied together before quizzes or exams.

Emile was out at that time, going with a "friend" to the movies. Patton had a slight suspicion that there was a bit more than friendship going on, but he never mentioned it because, well, there was his own issue of giving Logan heart eyes every two seconds. He couldn't confront his brother about romantic feelings when he could barely confront his own.

Regardless, the only ones in the house were Patton, Logan, and Damien. Logan and Damien got along pretty okay for the most part. They were the same age, so they found things in common. One of the things they shared was sarcasm and wit. Their sole interactions were often a combination of the two, much to Patton's simultaneous amusement and dismay.

It wasn't much of a surprise when, seeing that Logan was over, Damien started with their banter right off the bat. Patton tried to shoo him away — studying was meant to happen — but he played the annoying younger brother card and refused to cooperate.

"If he stays he might stand to learn something," Logan quipped, taking out his notebooks. "There's only so much knowledge one can get when their sources are online conspiracy theories instead of going to class."

Damien laid across the armchair with his legs dangling. He studied his nails with interest. "Sorry, I can't hear you over the evidence of the Earth being flat."

"I'm going to pretend those words didn't come out of your mouth."

Much to Patton's surprise, Logan was able to squabble with Damien while retaining information at the same time. He could provide a counterpoint to their argument while giving Patton the definition of a genome in the same breath. It was rather impressive.

After a while, Patton started to tune out their part of the conversation. He caught snippets of things while he worked on transferring his own notes, but nothing that made him feel he had to step in. Until he noticed it. One of Logan's tells for when something is making him uncomfortable. Not wanting to make a big deal of it, Patton sighed, "D, please stop." to make it seem like he was annoyed with his brother.

But it wasn't enough. Like the spiteful booger he is, he continued. Louder. Not shouting, but enough to notice that he raised his voice. Then Logan flinched.

That was it.

"Damien," Patton snapped before he could stop himself.

Damien stopped out of pure surprise. Patton never called him by his full name.

All of the color drained out of Logan's face. He sat rigid and small, staring at the table as if it would come alive at any moment. "I should go." He shot up from the floor.

"Logan, wait —" the door was already closing before Patton could stand up. The room fell to complete silence. He looked at Logan's spot; he didn't take a single thing with him.

"I… I didn't mean to…" Damien seemed appalled by his own actions.

Patton sighed. "We'll talk about it later." He chased after Logan. He moved fast for such tiny legs. "Logan, wait a second."

"I'm going home." Logan's voice wavered with fragile confidence. A little kid who wants to be taken seriously.

"Wait —" on instinct, Patton grabbed his arm. Logan froze, looking up at him with fearful eyes. He immediately let go. "I'm sorry." He never wanted Logan to look at him like that again. "I… Please let me take you home."

Logan avoided his gaze. "I can walk."

Patton frowned. "That's a far distance to walk."

"I've ran it before," he muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing." He made himself smaller. "I-it's fine. I can walk."

"But —"

"Patton, I really want to be alone right now."

Patton stopped. It looked like he was about to fall apart any second. "Okay. Just — please text me when you get there."

Logan nodded and went on his way.

He let out a steady stream of air through his mouth. He needed to have a talk with his brother about boundaries.

~~~

Logan had a weird relationship with touch. When they first met, Patton noticed that Logan didn't want anyone touching him at any point. But it changed over time. Slowly. It shifted to "touch me and I'll have a panic attack" to "ask first" to "if you touch me while I can't see who you are, I'm going to hit you with my textbook".

It was one of the hardest things for Patton to keep in line. He was a touchy person. He liked hugs, and cuddling, and hand-holding, and… other things. But he held it all back for Logan. (Though, if Damien and Emile got extra bone-crushing hugs, they didn't point it out.) It was even harder when they started dating, yet Patton remained in control of himself.

"He's just so cute," Patton squealed. He was squishing Emile's cheeks to express his emotions. "I just want to kiss him, and squeeze him, and hold him forever."

"Why don't you?" Emile asked as best as he could.

Patton sighed and fell back against the couch, at last releasing Emile from his hold. "I can't. He's not comfortable with that stuff yet."

"Will he ever be?"

"Maybe." He sat up. "He's been getting better at not freaking out when I ask to hold his hand."

Emile made a face. "Is there a reason he's so sensitive to that stuff?"

Patton had a pretty big suspicion of one reason, but he never brought it up. And Logan never mentioned it. So it hung in the air between them, waiting for someone to break their silence on it. "I don't know."

The wheels seemed to be turning in Emile's head, no doubt analyzing every interaction he's ever had with Logan. Before Patton could distract him with something else, he snapped himself out of it. "Oh! I have to get ready." He stood up.

"Ready for what?"

"For his date," Damien chirped in a sing-song tone as he strolled into the kitchen.

Emile's cheeks turned pink. "It's not a date."

Damien snorted.

"With who?" Patton cut in.

"It's not a —" Emile huffed, giving up that fight — "I'm going with Remy."

"Remy? Is that who you've been going on dates with already?"

"Yes — no!" His face continued to get red. “They’re not — I’ve never —” He covered his face with his hands. "Oh my gosh."

"How is it that, out of all of us, you're the worst liar?" Damien swirled around the bottle of lemonade he took from the fridge.

"I've never needed to. I'm the baby. Everyone believes what I say."

There was no argument there. “None of us should be good liars,” Patton pointed out.

“Says the best liar,” Damien muttered before taking a long sip of lemonade.

Patton’s jaw dropped. An offended noise left his mouth. “I am — I don’t — I am not the best liar. Emi, tell him I’m not.”

“Well…”

Patton couldn’t help but feel betrayed.

Emile gave him a sheepish smile. “Mom and Dad do still think I’m staying with Grams and that you’re going back to UF.”

Damn.

“Best liar.” Damien lifted his lemonade in a toast before going back to his room. “If anyone can keep up an act for over a year, it’s you.”

Damn.

“Woah, look at the time,” Emile glanced at his bare wrist, “I gotta get ready.” He took off toward his room.

~~~

“I’ll pick you up after work, okay?” Patton said as Logan prepared to leave the car. “Don’t even think about trying to do homework or studying or anything. Free day today.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

“Logan Sanders, I am serious. You deserve a break.”

Logan paused. He turned to Patton with a small smile. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Patton watched him go. They were approaching their second year of being together. The longest relationship Patton’s ever had. He didn’t want to mess it up. He liked Logan a lot — more than a lot. Maybe it was the early relationship buzz, but he couldn’t imagine his life without Logan in it. Well, at least everything was going well so far.

Sighing, Patton drove off to work.

After completing his associate’s, he was lucky enough to find a job at one of the nearby animal hospitals. He was happy to be able to work at his dream job. Unfortunately, he had a cat allergy, so he wasn’t allowed to touch any kitties unless there was a shortage of hands. On the bright side, antihistamines existed. Still — more for the hospital’s benefit than Patton’s — he wasn’t allowed to regularly check up on cats. It was a shame. Patton loved cats.

Sometime after lunch, Patton got a call. He had an instant bad feeling enter the pit of his stomach. No one ever called his phone. Sometimes his brothers sent texts, but they never called him. Ever. When he looked at his phone, he saw it wasn’t either of his brothers at all. It was Logan. Luckily, he was between patients, so he answered the call no problem.

He hoped nothing was wrong. “Hello?” He was met with silence. Then there was a soft hiccup. Like he had been crying. “Logan? Are you alright? Is something wrong?”

Logan hung up.

Patton was already moving before he even had time to think through his actions. On his way out, he told a nearby co-worker there was an emergency that needed to be taken care of. He didn’t elaborate. He didn’t wait for questions. He just left. He needed to get to Logan.

A million different things were running through his head at once. Was he hurt? Did something happen to him? Was something happening to him right now? He knew Logan's schedule. He would be between classes at this time. That only opened up possibilities. It didn't ease any of his anxiety at all.

In fact, it increased when he got to campus and realized one thing: he had no idea where Logan was. It was a community college, so it wasn't that big, but a college campus is still a college campus. He could be anywhere. Patton had no idea where to look. There were too many places to hide or be alone — there was a chance Logan wasn't even on campus anymore. God, Patton hoped that wasn't the case. He didn't want to be too late. He couldn't.

He started running, asking a few people if they had seen someone matching Logan's description. No such luck. He must have looked crazy; some random person running around in scrubs asking for a student. But he didn't care. He had to find Logan. He wouldn't leave this damn school without him.

After an eternity, Patton found him. He was sitting in a patch of grass with a girl underneath a tree. She was talking to him, but he didn't seem up for replying. He looked like a mess.

"Logan?"

They both turned to him in alarm. He saw the girl quickly ask Logan questions (to which he nodded to), which led her to stand up and meet Patton halfway. He was kind of confused, but let it play out.

"Um, I don't really know how I should put this," she started. "I, uh, I saw your friend getting harassed earlier. By a man. I didn't recognize him, personally, but I think your friend might have." She shifted from foot to foot. "I called campus security and they said they would take care of it. I've been sitting with him since."

Patton didn’t know how to process that. Who would want to do something like that to Logan? “Thank you, uh…”

“Dahlia.”

“Dahlia,” Patton repeated with a small smile. “It was very nice of you to do those things.”

She mirrored his smile. “I’ll get out of your hair, then. I assume you can take it from here?”

“Yes. Thank you, again.”

She walked back to Logan and handed him a slip of paper. She gave him a smile, eyed Patton one last time, then left with her bag slung over her shoulder.

Patton took a seat beside him. He moved as if he didn’t want to startle a frightened animal. “You doing okay?”

“Fine.” Logan stared at the paper in his hands.

“Did you know him?”

“Just someone I met in class once.”

Patton could tell it was a lie. Logan wasn’t good at lying no matter how hard he tried to be. But Patton didn’t understand why he would need to lie about this. What was the point? He decided not to pry. “Do you want a hug?”

Logan looked up at him in surprise but hesitated to answer. “It’s alright.” He looked back down at the paper.

“I’m only going to ask again because I want a yes or no answer. If you say yes then that’s fine. If you say no, that’s okay too. I’m not inconvenienced by either. I just want you to know that you have a say in this. You shouldn't have to worry about bothering me or giving me an answer you think I want to hear. Give me an honest answer. So I’ll ask again — do you want a hug?”

Logan leaned into his side.

In response, Patton adjusted himself so that his arms could wrap around Logan. He was trembling. Neither of them said anything.

~~~

In the days following the incident, Logan seemed a little… off. Patton didn't mention it — pretended he didn't see how jumpy he had gotten. He figured Logan was still shaken up over it. And that was okay. Logan could take as long as he needed. But it didn't seem to get any better.

They were in his room when it happened. Thomas was out at work so it was just the two of them.

It was such a small thing. It shouldn't have mattered so much. Yet it seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Logan tipped Patton’s cup of water over. Accidentally. He was getting off the bed and forgot it was on the floor. He was already apologizing and running to get the paper towels before Patton even realized what was happening.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he rushed out as he cleaned the mess. “It was an accident. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Patton said softly. He didn’t understand why this was making Logan so frazzled. “Logan —”

“Please, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do it.”

Patton moved to the edge of the bed. “Logan —”

“I swear it was an accident. I wouldn’t ever do this on purpose. I’m sorry. Please. I’m so sorry. I ruin everything —”

“Stop, Logan.”

Logan froze.

Patton lowered himself to the floor beside Logan. He made sure his actions could be read clearly. “Logan, honey, it’s okay. I know it was an accident. I wouldn’t ever think you did it on purpose. What’s going on? Are you alright?”

“I…” His eyes shined with unshed tears. “I’m… I was… He… I-I used to be…” He sighed, turning his eyes toward the ground. “I’m a mess, aren’t I? I just screw everything up eventually. Maybe, maybe you’re better off without me.”

Patton’s blood ran cold. He was immediately hit with mean words burned on lockers, crying in the bathroom, searching and searching for someone that wasn’t there. “No!” Before he could stop himself, he grabbed Logan’s hands with his own. He just — he needed a physical reminder that Logan wouldn’t vanish. They were a little cold and wet from cleaning up the water.

“Please don’t say that. I love being with you. You’re smart and pretty and wonderful. I like seeing your smile, I love being able to make you laugh. I enjoy spending time with you, even if we’re just sitting around doing nothing. There’s nothing more beautiful than the way you look when you’re reading, by the way.” He smiled just thinking about it. “My life has changed in the best ways since I met you. I want to keep having you in it.”

Logan stared at him. “I love you,” he blurted out.

Patton blinked in surprise. Well. That certainly was unexpected.

Realization hit Logan in an instant. He gasped and threw his hands over his mouth, his whole face turning bright red in the process. “Oh my God. I didn’t — I mean I did but —”

Patton couldn’t help but laugh. “I love you, too, bumblebee.”

Logan lowered his hands and gave him a hesitant, relieved smile.

~~~

The day Patton married Logan was the best day of his life. It was a small affair, with neither of them having very many people to invite in the first place, but it was lovely all the same. Patton sent an invitation to his parents — just as an act of goodwill — but it was sent straight back to him without a response. His mother was at least kind enough to send congratulations and “money toward making a family of your own”. It was sort of unfortunate that they wouldn’t be there, but Patton figured it was for the best. He wouldn’t want to subject Logan to his parents’ scrutiny.

But there was one member of his family (besides his brothers) that didn’t turn him down.

“Grams!” Patton pulled her into a hug. It had been so long since he last saw her. “It’s so good to see you.”

She laughed. “The feeling is mutual, my dear. Now,” she pulled herself away with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, “can I finally meet this boy you’ve never been able to stop talking about?”

“I didn’t talk about him that much.”

“Sweetheart, he was in every single letter you sent me from the moment you met him.”

Oh gosh, really? That was a lot, then. “Fine, I’ll get him. Logan!” He walked around the table to drag his husband away from his debate with Damien. Huh. Husband. He liked the sound of that. “Logan, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Rosie Picani.” She stuck her hand out before Patton could open his mouth again. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“Likewise.” Logan shook her hand. “Patton’s told me so much about you.”

“Oh, I’m glad to know it went both ways.”

“Stop.” Patton hid his face in his hands. “Oh my gosh.”

"If you don't mind me asking," she directed to Logan after smirking at Patton. "Where is your family?"

Logan grinned. A proper, genuine grin. "Right over there." He motioned to the table where Thomas and his friends were sitting. They were all engaged in an animated conversation, oblivious to the discussion about them. "I grew up with nearly everyone at that table."

Grams smiled. The corner of her eyes crinkled. "What a wonderful family."

Logan's broad grin turned to a shy and bashful smile. "Thank you."

~~~

Patton typically got home at around five o’clock. Sometimes later. Sometimes earlier. It depended on the day. Five o’clock was just the average. Usually, at that time things were settled down in the house. The twins would be in their room playing a game, and Logan would be grading papers or getting started on dinner. Except today, apparently.

When Patton walked through the door, he was greeted with… a sight. Logan had Roman over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and Virgil under his arm like a very disgruntled cat. The living room looked as if someone turned it upside down and shook it.

“Oh, Patton,” Logan said, out of breath. The twins squirmed in his arms. “How was work?”

“It was good,” he responded slowly. “Tried to tell a woman her dog was overweight and she insisted he wasn’t even though he looked like a sausage. You know how it is. Uh, what, um, what went down here? If I may ask?”

“Well —”

“It was Virgil’s fault,” Roman interjected loudly.

“What? No, it wasn’t!” Virgil tried to get out of Logan’s grip. “Roman ruined my project.”

“I did not! It was already ruined before I got there. You’re the one that ruined my project.” He wriggled around.

“Because you did it first!”

They started yelling over each other and tried to break free.

“Okay! Stop, both of you,” Logan snapped. “It happened. Fighting over who did what and when isn’t going to change that. Will it make you feel better if I help both of you recreate your projects exactly how they were?”

“Yes,” they answered grumpily.

“Great.” He set them down. “If you two start fighting again I’m going to find a room far away and throw you both in it and take the key with me. Now go get your projects.”

They raced each other to their room.

“So it was an eventful day?” Patton opened his arms up for a hug. They had been together long enough that he didn’t have to use his words to ask permission. That’s not to say that he stopped asking — he always asked. He just did it a silent way.

“You have no idea,” Logan sighed. He collapsed in Patton’s arms as if he had been waiting for it all day. “Work always gets hectic at the end of the school year. And then the twins started fighting almost as soon as we got home.”

Patton rubbed his back. “Hm. I’ll handle dinner today, then — and cleaning up the living room. You just worry about helping the boys.” He paused. “The project is due tomorrow, isn’t it?”

“Yup.”

“I’ll make breakfast, too.”

Later that night, long after Patton got ready for bed, he poked his head into the living room to see how his three favorite boys were doing. They were fast asleep, two completed projects in front of them. Logan had his back against the couch with Roman and Virgil’s heads in his lap. Roman still had an open glue stick in his hand.

Patton smiled. He was going to have to wake them up so they could sleep in their beds, but at this second, he just took in the sight. He loved them all so much. He always hoped to have a family like this one day. And here it was. He wouldn’t trade it for the world.

~~~

Patton sat at the edge of the tub, messing with the ring on his finger. He ran out of tears a while ago, and yet it still felt like a new round could begin any second.

The house was so silent. It hadn’t been that way in years. Some days he begged for it to be quiet again. Right now he wanted nothing more than the noise. He wanted to hear Roman and Virgil teasing each other or running around playing a game. He wanted to hear the Doctor Who theme from the living room or Logan berating the twins. But they weren’t here.

He sighed and put his face in his hands.

He messed up.

#it's about damn time #sanders sides #patton sanders #deceit sanders #emile picani #logan sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #sibling prinxiety #logicality #transphobia tw #homophobia tw #suicide tw #minor character death #excessive use of the word damn #like wow #i used it a lot #berry done au

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aboutcaseyaffleck · 5 years

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Casey Affleck Is a Full-Time Flag Football Coach, Part-Time Actor

The quiet Affleck is known for soul searching performances, but mostly he's just trying to call the right play.

Looking for Casey Affleck? Head to the park. It’s where he’s doing some of his finest work — and spending a hell of a lot of time.

“My son got into flag football so I started coaching it,” says the actor and father of two. “I coach his team and then the parents of his friends asked me to coach their team. I coach three flag football teams and a baseball team.”

The last time we saw Affleck, 43, on screen, he was a burnout saddled with raising a nephew he didn’t want after his own kids died in a house fire. The sublimely quiet performance earned him a best actor Oscar for Manchester by the Sea. But it was just a performance. Despite his introverted public persona — so much for that Ocean’s 11 loudmouth — Affleck is incredibly present in his children’s lives and specifically on the sidelines of their various games. In fact, Affleck explains that he has eschewed blockbusters to ensure he has time with his sons, Indiana, 15, and Atticus, 11. He didn’t want to show up after they were already out of the house. He wanted a major role in their lives.

But don’t think that his turn as a dad is a conventional leading man part. The actor who plotted a murder as a sociopathic teenager in Gus Van Sant’s 1995 classic To Die For, the guy who gunned down Brad Pitt in 2007’s The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, isn’t what you’d call a cool dad. He says he lectures his sons, annoying them constantly. “Here’s a tip,” he laughs. “If you’re driving in a car with two kids and you turn around and see they’re both wearing headphones, you’re talking too much.”

Still, that’s not going to convince Hollywood’s most notoriously reserved star to stop talking.

“I could talk about my kids all day. Being a parent has taught me more about myself and about life than any other experience I have ever had. I want to soak up every minute of it. It’s a priority I’m happy I have,” says Affleck, who will debut Light of My Life, an exquisite yet grounded film he wrote about a father and daughter navigating a post-apocalyptic world this summer. He says the science fictional elements are sort of a metaphor for his anxieties as a parent. (Not-so-much the flag football playcalling anxieties. More the bigger stuff.)

Affleck spoke to Fatherly about being a nearly full-time youth sports coach, how parenthood changed his career, and how his sons influenced his new film.

I’m told you are quite the dedicated coach. Are you, like me, all about winning?

I’m that coach inside, but I try to contain it. I love doing it. I was never into football when I was a kid. My son got into flag football so I started coaching it. I coach his team and the parents of his friends asked me to coach their team. I coach three flag football teams and a baseball team.

Coaching to me is incredibly rewarding. To have the kind of relationship with your kid in a different way is really great. They come home and they critique my coaching style. They write plays for me. They do it with me. It’s an extra little bonding experience. Also, I get to know other kids. When you’re the coach, they give you a kind of authority you don’t deserve. There’s a lot of trust and respect. There’s a mob of kids over here at the house all the time. They don’t always listen, but when you’re their coach, it’s a different relationship.

When I talked to you a few years ago, you were wary of even revealing your first son’s name. How have you kept them out of the spotlight? I mean, look at your brother Ben Affleck. He gets it so bad.

He does get it bad. If you’re two celebrities who are married, that is just gossip and fodder and crack. It’s double trouble. Jennifer Garner being so famous and Ben… they just get the worst it. I hate it for my nieces and nephew. It’s so intrusive. It’s so awful. They manage it really well. They talk to the kids about it and explain it. With my kids, I think it helps that the paparazzi don’t care about me that much, which is amazing and thank God for that. I was really vigilant early on about protecting my private life and making choices that would keep me out of the spotlight. I didn’t do that much press. I wouldn’t talk about my kids. But my kids now give me career advice. They’re old enough.

Like what tips do they give you?

My son told me I had to get a verified Instagram account. My heart sank. I need all the help I can get. My son is 15 and knows what it is. At a certain point, you can protect from the world but then you have to move into the world with them. To me, that has meant allowing them to be online with the rest of the world.

In terms of your career, did your Oscar change things for you in a major way? I know you’re particular about what you work on.

You can be very picky and still end up in things that aren’t great. There’s no formula. I would like to rethink my strategy of being so picky. I don’t put being successful or being in a great movie ahead of everything else in my life. This summer, I wanted to spend the summer with my 15 year old. I didn’t want to be away all summer, no matter how good a project it was. It’s been tough. I’ve had to let go of a lot of professional experiences that I really wanted. I wanted to be at home more. Winning the Oscar didn’t change anything. It’s not me being regretful.

Do your kids care that you’re an actor? Have they seen your movies?

They have very little interest in watching the movies I do. They care about when I talk to them about movies. That way they can understand that I actually do something. Some parents work in banks or in schools. I act. It’s a little harder for younger kids to grasp. I ask for their advice all the time on what projects to do. When the movies come out, they’re not that interested. They don’t go to the movie theater that much. They like plays. I took my youngest kid, at 11 and two of their friends, to the sound stage when I was shooting this movie. They lasted about four minutes. They went to the hallway and played tag.

Let’s talk about the new movie, Light of My Life. The opening scene with Anna Pniowsky, who plays your daughter, is so intimate, so sweet, especially when you’re telling her the bedtime story you made up on the fly.

It was pretty easy and relaxed. For one thing, Anna is just naturally a great actress. She’s relaxed on camera. She has a lot of emotional intelligence and depth that is apparent. But also, like with any scene, the scene begins the first minute you meet them. Anna and I — I love her to death. We got along so well. She’s such a sweet kid. But the time we got into shooting that scene, she was in a groove.

This movie is about an apocalyptic future, but it’s mostly about being a dad. Could you have written it before you had kids?

I wouldn’t have written the role if I wasn’t a dad in real life. It’s about being a parent to me. All the science fiction stuff, the action, that was secondary. My experience with being a parent… that’s what it’s all about. The dynamic with me and Anna is stuff I draw on from being a dad.

How did your kids influence the development of the film?

My oldest son came to a reading of a scene and he gave me two pages of notes. They were the best notes that I got from anyone. I’ll save them forever. At the end of every movie, I make a t-shirt for everyone on the crew. On the back of the shirt, I put all his notes. Some of it was from his point of view. Some of it was objective stuff about storytelling. There’s too many moments where I’m like this or like that. They were sophisticated suggestions.

So you’re basically saying, you benefitted from child labor.

Yes, for sure. I’ll put something extra in his allowance.

On a not wholly unrelated note, I’m curious how you, as a celebrity father and well-known guy, work to ensure that your children don’t become entitled. I think it’s something a lot of parents worry about. I know I do.

Oh man. Just the fact you care is 80 percent of it. But I have to give credit to their mom. Their mom has done the best job and has an innate understanding of how to raise good kids.

I’ve been in places where there is extreme poverty. Seeing those kids can really give you a great perspective on parenting — suddenly their finicky eating doesn’t seem like such a giant problem. Our culture of fear and hyper-vigilance and media saturation can be an obstacle to giving them roots and letting them go a little bit. You have to trust that they’ll be ok.

I think that’s dead on. I also think it’s hard not to overthink and under-do.

The thing that affects them more than anything is how you live. If you’re on your phone 24 hours a day, they will be too. If you’re an entitled person, they’re more likely to be that way.

And you can’t indulge their every demand or whim, which is pretty damn hard.

My son said he should start thinking about getting a car. I told him to start thinking about getting a job. I’m not the parent that will buy them a car. They will have to earn it like I did. They give me that look like, ‘Give us a break!’ and I wonder if I am being too hard.

I do want them to hang out with me when they’re older and when they have kids.

What do you do that totally, utterly humiliates your kids? Every parent has at least one of those behaviors.

I’m overwhelmed thinking about all the embarrassing things I do. The things that make me suddenly cringe are all the dumb things I’ve said and done as a parent.

Here’s a good one: My son had a birthday party. There are these kids over here. It’s the best party I’ve had in my house in ten years. I found out that 15 year olds are really fun and I wanted to hang out. I said, ‘Let’s play some ping pong’ and I got the look. My son just looked at me like I was the least cool person he’d ever seen. He wanted me to give them space. I was trying to fit in.

#casey affleck #family #interview #news #posted by us

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kevkesblog · 5 years

Text

Felix Kroos (spring 2018)

Sorry for spelling or grammar errors. This was also recorded before the World Cup 2018 in Russia.

youtube

N: Hello, nice to see you. Tell us: who are you?

F: I’m Felix Kroos. 27 years old and Toni’s brother.

N: So you grew up in Greifswald. You are slightly younger but nevertheless you are pretty close age-wise. How was that like? Has there ever been anything other than football at home?

F: Yeah, I mean because of our small age gap we did almost everything together. The same interests; really we did everything together. Sports was always on top of our list. And it wasn’t necessarily always football. I guess we started with badminton. We even went to practice badminton, since our uncle worked as a coach. Our mother also used to play it. But in the end it came down to football very quick. We were maybe five or six years old around that time. So from that day on, for us it was only football. After a while we recognized both that we can play rather decent (smirks) and it’s even more fun if you successful doing it. So we committed doing it and now we are here…

N: What turned you off badminton? It also a nice sport…

F: Sure, but for me one reason was the fact that you were able to win more trophies why football was better.

N: So it was all about winning…

F: Yeah, maybe it was all about winning even back then… but I would say almost every boy played football on the streets before and it was just fun. So this automatically led us to football. My father worked as a coach as well… so we almost had no other choice. But we liked it (laughs)

N: (laughs). Did he also directly coached you guys?

F: Yeah, yeah. He basically followed everything over the years from the very beginning. He stopped once we got into professional areas of football. But he definitely followed our path for a very long time.

N: Where you actually able to deal with him in a neutral way? Or did have moments sometimes where you would think „Oh come on dad! You saw I scored!“ How was that like?

F: (smirks). Sometimes like this; sometimes like that. It wasn’t always easy. You didn’t want to be lectured by him all the time especially once you grew older. Because once you were getting home it was all about football again – so in that sense we never really had a breack (smirks). But in the end you can say that it helped us. I think thats one of the reasons why we are at the point we are today.

N: Were you able to say for yourself, „I dont want to play football anymore“ Or was that something that never really reached your mind?

F: I never really had any thoughs about that. It never reached me. I was rather successful and it was still fun. A great mixture success and fun. So thats why those thoughts never came up – no.

N: What did you think, did you do different than your brother to be successful? Did you do things differently?

F: I think so. Talent was there – but thats not the only recipe you need. We did a lot of extra stuff. Extra sessions. Which was something – again, we were able to do together. Everything around has was put aside – we had to renounce alot oft hings in life. But also because we wanted it. This – adding talent and hard work, brought us to were we are today.

N: Were you able to give yourself some extra love and support because you did everything together?

F: Yes, I think so. Like I said, we were always together since we were little kids. We were everywhere on the road together. And we became even closer once Toni left home for Munich at the age of sixteen. We became closer. We had almost daily contact with each other. We dont even need words anymore, we always know what one thinks the other is thinking. Support is always there. Regardless what happens. Thats something everyone knows from the other.

N: But it is crazy isn’t it, if somebody leaves home so early in life? I mean you are still a child right?

F: Yeah. I couldn’t imagine it at that age myself. It was definitely a brave step, but Toni was always a guy who made clear decisions. Sure he had some thoughts about it, but he always stood behind his decisions. And he always was striving for the best. It was the path which led to Munich (laughs).

N: Sure. But until 2010 he was always the youngest player on the pitch. Thats something you have to accomplish right?

F: Yeah definitely – he always was the best. Since he was little. In every team he played. Striving for the best was always something he was used to. The fact he beats records doing it – may not be normal, but forseeable.

N: Does it maybe come from yourself. That you look into the mirrow and say to yourself „I’am the best“?

F: I don’t. (laughs) I can’t speak for others. I don’t think Toni does it too – saying „I’am the best“. He is just convinced of his own strength. He knows he is good, if he performs well and shows his skills and does what he does best. That he doesn’t have to be afraid of something. And he knows it – every day. Without him standing in front of the mirrow telling himself everyday how good he is. (smirks)

N: If you go back to your childhood. Do you remember your first football? How did it look like?

F: Well that was very long ago. We have become older ourselves over the meantime (smirks).

N: Was it like a real ball – or didn’t you start with a small, light rubber ball?

F: No, I think it was a real one. Anyway we grew up very protected. We didn’t lack anything. Maybe because we didn’t need much – except a ball (laughs). But I think it was a normal football – even back then and you never let someone else take it away from you.

N: Did you have posters of famous football players in your room?

F: Yes. I was back then – because oft he geografical distance, Rostock fan. So in that regard I had posters of Rostock players, but I cant tell which players percisely. Toni was a Werder fan – Werder Bremen fan. But he had almost everything on his walls. Football players – but not exclusively from one club.

N: But baskatball has also been a great deal. NBA, right?

F: Yeah thats when basketball kind of came along – the older he got. „The older he got“ (rolls eyes) well were aren’t that old yet – you have to be careful saying that (laughs). But to a degree where we are watching more basketball on TV than football.

N: Perhaps to get some distance…?

F: Yeah I mean you deal with football almost every day. I think it’s important to see something different once in a while. And to focus your interest on other things. Without lacking your focus on your own performance – your own job, so to speak. But nevertheless I think it’s important to see other things as well.

N: Did he lace up your shoes?

F: I could be, yes (laughs). I really don’t have good memory on that one. But sure he did. He did quite some stuff being a „big brother“.

N: Did you share food in a brotherly fashion?

F: Ehm, well sure we did have arguments at home like you usually have as siblings but in the end nothing bad ever happend.

N: Favorite food?

F: With regards to Toni it’s very easy: a Schnitzel with potatoes. He even eats fried potatoes without anything - without onions. He is very simple on those terms.

N: How about you?

F: Back in the day it was – I don’t know if people remember them, but yeast-dough dumpling from grandma. (laughs). Really good – even today! (laughs) But I like to eat everything: sushi, meat, Döner, everything.

N: Well it all tastes great.

F: Yeah (smirks).

N: Ok, back home. I would like to know, have there been like special agreements, code words, nicknames during your childhood? Something that bonded you together? Did you went off road with bikes… or…

F: There was always a sort of competition between us two. We really made a competition out of nothing. Even then we did a bike tour, the question always was „who gets to the finishline first?“ We were always looking for competition. It was always about winning. And we were both different in that regard. I was the grimly guy that and Toni by contrast was always very smooth and easygoing. He had to laugh about everything I did, which (laughs) made me sometimes really angry. We were very different in that regard. Yet – we always wanted to compete. Almost everywhere and thats something that has bonded us together.

N: How does he deal with loosing?

F: Sure he doesn’t like it. But he has a very relaxed way of dealing with defeats….

N: And you?

F: It’s fine now. I would never say I like to loose, but you realize that there are more important things than loosing a football game.

(10:00min)

N: You are a successful football player yourself – If something doesn’t really go well, how do you deal with that? Do you speak with each other? I mean it is a lot of pressure… all the fans in the stadium… everybody watches every move you make very closely…

F: Yeah sure. Both of us know how it all works. Everyone of us has experiences in that regard. So we both can feel how the other one is feeling. And that there is always support. But like I said: we don’t need a lot of words. We know from each other, what the other person is thinking. Sure we do have some words of encouragement occasionally. He uses them more for me than I do for him (laughs)… Since he wins more often. Just the fact, that each of us knows that the other is there for you – and that he knows how it looks like with the other brother, thats enough.

N: And your mom? Do you have to go to your mom sometimes? (laughs)

F: (laughs) No, you have to comfort her more sometimes than yourself… (laughs) But there is always support coming from them as well. They are rooting for us everytime… sometimes more than they anticipate. In some situations they are more upset than us. I mean they almost gave up everything for us. They have always been there for us and brought us to where we are today.

N: Crazy unconditional love…

F: Yeah… like I said, they did almost everything for us. Without reservations. We didn’t miss anything in our childhood, we had everything. And maybe you try to give something back in our age or our position now.

N: Support…

F: Yes, you know realize that there are things in life more important than football. Things that ARE more important. Sometimes you should never forget. Even now with Toni’s Foundation. We are doing a lot of things and try to support many people. People that weren’t as lucky as we were. You get to know that football is not everything…

N: But I would guess it is difficult isn’t it? Because you have a certain amount of income… when you see a nice car. Do you think if you get to know a sick child or meet their family… I mean does that change something within yourself?

F: Yes, absolutely! I remember going into one special hospital for the first time. I have never seen anything like this before. It’s really difficult, yet – I can recommend to everyone to take a look for themselves and see how strong these people are. How good these people cope with their fates and circumstances. You are nothing against that as a football player. Those are the real everyday heros! Like I said, I would recommend everyone to see this on their own. Because you quickly realize that your problems aren’t as bis as they seem…

N: Yeah I can imagine. Will you be in Russia?

F: I will definitely watch the first game live in the stadium. I have to look at my schedule after that. How long do I have vacation? But sure, I will at least see one game in Russia.

N: Have you ever been there before?

F: No.

N: Are you excited?

F: Well it wasn’t my number one travel destination. But if you can connect the two, it gives you an opportinity to see Russia. I look forward to it.

N: It’s nice there.

F: Yeah, we will see.

N: I can recommend it. Do you have a special wish for your brother? Is there something you want to tell him?

F: No, not really. Of course you wish him health and success - generally speaking. He should just enjoy it. I think not many football players are able to play at a world cup. And maybe in a few years you will look back and you start to feel sorry for not enjoying it. So that’s why I think he should just enjoy it.

N: What about Real? Do you sometimes visit Madrid?

F: I haven’t been to a game yet. It just doesn’t fit my schedule…

N: …because you both are playing at the same time…

F: Not being able to just go there for a short trip - it annoys me pretty much. I have been to Madrid a couple of times, just to see him. But I think at one point I’ll be able to watch one of his games live. Yet I follow every game via I-pad or TV.

N: Well, I guess he watches your games as well…

F: Yeah, yeah – if he doesn’t play at the same time as I do, he watches my games too. We always watch each others games.

N: What about your future? Is there something you want to achieve?

F: I just try to… ehm try the best under the current circumstances. So that I don’t have to regret something later. I don’t want to plan what I want to do in one year, two years. I want to do whats right now and what I think is right. So with that I won’t regret anything later on. (laughs)

N: What I always want to know – I also have siblings. Two brothers who play in Croatia. What’s it like to go onto the pitch with everyone chanting your name?

F: It’s a nice feeling – everytime. It’s never a daily routine. It’s always special.

N: Are you nervous?

F: Tense – yes. Nervous, yes maybe a bit. But not in negative way. Also positive…

N: …motivating…

F: Yes, motivating. It’s always something special – every time. It never became a daily routine and it never will be… And I think thats something which a lot of players will miss once their career is over. Those moments.

N: Goosebumps right?

F: Yeah…

N: Once Toni got to play for Bayern Munich for the first time… How was that for you? Where you there?

F: I was watching it on TV – yes. I think he was a subsitute player that game. And I can remember very vividly that he made to assists that game. I just went like it went before through his youth. It was the perfect first game… I think he played for some twenty minutes… but I think that was more emotional than his world cup win. Because it seems that you finally reached the place you always trained and worked to get to. That your dreams have finally come true… thats a moment you probably will never forget.

N: Exactly, you are living your dream… but there are so many other players – so many others. And sometimes it just takes a few minutes and your spot on the team is gone. How can you motivate or calm yourself so you dont get discomfort or fear of not making it? Everybody is interchangeable. Do you really get away from that fear? Sure you finally fulfill your dream but it doesn’t mean anything…

F: Yeah, I mean often dreams are different than reality. Sure, if you in the game for some ten years, you can‘t say „Now I have fulfilled my dream!“. Not everyday is going to be like that. It’s always hard work. Nevertheless there is always a sense of satisfaction. Because, I mean, not many people can say about themselves they fufilled their childhood dream. Thats why investing a lot in it is always worth the cost. Everybody should always believe in it – in themselves. Regardless whether it works at the first opportunity or the next. If you have a dream – you should follow it.

N: Don’t you sometimes crave for a relaxed time with slippers and a beer in your hand… or not (laughs).

F: Well sometimes I do have those thoughs (smirks)… just let everything go. Not to think about what do I have to eat now. Or can I stay up later than usual? The ability to just decide freely what you want to do… it‘s something you look forward to but maybe in a couple of years down the road. You know the time will come – someday…

N: As long as your body can handle it…

F: Yeah right.

N: Do you have real close friendships with other players with teams you’re playing in?

F: Yes, I do. Not many but…

N: Is it because of the competition?

F: No, No… I don’t think so… I think it takes a year to build a friendship. And… I mean I played in Bremen for about six years now… and it felt I played with over 100 different players. You can‘t build friendships with that, players have come and gone over that period of time it’s not possible. But there are one or two guys among the players who stayed there for six years like I did … where you have a stronger bond and you made friends with. It’s possible - but very rare.

N: But do you still have a relationship to Greifswald, to Rostock?

F: Yes Greifwald, because grandma and grandpa still live there. As well as uncle and aunts.

N: Can they live in peace or are they…

F: Yeah, they have their peace.

N: Everyone knows…

F: ….well yeah everyone knows them. Sometimes people ask. But no, uncle and anuts are still there. My cousin moved there with his small family lately. My parents still live in Rostock. Mostly family but not really friends still live there.

N: You are in Berlin?

F: I’m in Berlin, yes. I like it.

N: Well thats not far from home right?

F: No, thats fine. If we only had a good airport it would be easier to reach the city (laughs)

N: (laughs) Hey don’t grouse about Tegel airport! The nice thing about Tegel airport is two steps you are out of the plane; two steps you get through the airport; two steps our out of it!

F: Well, yeah….

N: Ok, I see. You want the new international airport…

F: (laughs) But I guess I won’t be in Berlin once its finished.

N: So you do have dreams and you want to play somewhere else?

F: No. But I won’t play for another ten years. Thats pretty clear to me. I already know I will be going back to Bremen once my career is over. And yes, if the new airport needs another ten years to get finished it will be difficult for myself.

N: Thankfully you dont need an airplane to Bremen. (laughs)

F: Yeah (laughs).

#felix kroos #toni kroos #real madrid #german nt #footballinterview

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theladyofdeath · 6 years

Text

Friday Night Lights {ACOTAR}

Chapter 2

Summary: Inspired by the series Friday Night Lights. In a town that is obsessed with football, a group of teenagers are glorified for what they bring to the field. But what the people of Velaris don’t realize is that there is a lot more to life than football, and it’s not always pretty.

Revolves around Cassian, Nesta, Elain, Lucien, Azriel, Morrigan, Amren, Feyre, and Rhysand.

*Warning: This fic deals with sensitive material.

*Note: A chapter will be posted every Wednesday.

Click here for previous chapters.

Author’s Note: Hey, guys. I have surgery planned for Wednesday, so I’m going to post this wonderful (debatable) chapter today. Also, I’ve had a few of you ask about being tagged, and I’m sorry to say that I will no longer be doing tags in my fics. With Castaway, they hardly ever worked and I had a few readers get mad because of it. Instead, I have (and will be) tagging every chapter with “TACMC FNL” for your convenience! Anyway, I hope you enjoy! And, as always, i would love to know what you think. :)

Shout out to @throne-of-ashes-and-beauty for helping me with details! <3

Cassian hoped Rhys picked up Alana without a problem.

He had called Velaris Elementary and told them Rhysand Lunasa would be picking her up, although the Lunasas were already on her emergency release form.

And yet, his leg was shaking uncontrollably as he sat in his homeroom classroom to serve his first detention.

In typical Helion fashion, he was late. Even those who ran detention didn’t want to be in detention.

On top of that, their first game was Friday night and Velaris High School’s starting fullback was missing most of practice.

Coach B said he would have to put in extra hours during his afternoon free period to make up for lost time.

Mondays.

He didn’t regret it, though. In fact, every time he thought back to punching Eris in the face, his soul became a little lighter. The dick got what he deserved. Cassian had hoped the news traveled to Mor, he hadn’t seen her since homeroom. She wouldn’t be mad. He wasn’t even sure why she stayed with Eris, after all the shitty things he had done to her. But she was capable of making her own decisions, so Cassian stayed out of it.

Well, mostly. At least on her end.

A small smile tugged on the corner of his lips as the door swung open, and to Cassian’s surprise, it wasn’t Mr. Spellcleaver who walked in.

She was tall, at least she carried herself that way. She wore a heather grey pencil skirt with a white button down and a crimson red scarf, her long golden-brown waves hanging limply down her sides.

But her eyes were what caught Cassian’s attention.

They were like the calm before the storm, lingering over the ocean. Grey-blue, and staring negatively into Cassian’s.

Surely, she couldn’t be in detention. She looked to stuck-up. Too snooty. Too good for that shit.

“Name?” she asked, as she walked to Helion’s desk and sat down.

Cassian looked around the classroom, although they were the only two in there. “Uh, Cassian Nazari? Who the hell are you?”

She looked up from her apparent list, eyes narrowed. “Ms. Archeron. I’ll be overseeing detention, and that sort of language will not be tolerated.”

Cassian blinked. “Archeron? Are you Elain’s sister?”

The girl’s pencil froze from whatever she was writing on her sheet. “Yes.”

“Are you new, too? I didn’t see you today. Are you -“

“I’m not a student here.”

“Ah,” Cassian sighed, leaning back in his chair, as realization hit him. “You’re one of the new aids from the University.”

The aids from Velaris University came every year, although they typically looked older than the girl sitting in front of him. He quirked an eyebrow, which only seemed to annoy her more.

When she didn’t answer, Cassian grinned. “Well, since you’re not a teacher, and apparently we’re going to be spending some time together, don’t you think we should be on a first name basis?”

She put down her pencil and folded her hands on top of the desk. “Do you think that’s something to be proud of? Detention?”

“Are you going to council me, Ms. Archeron?”

The tone in which he spoke her name had her scowling. “No. We can stay quiet, if you wish.”

“Oh, no, I would love to talk to you. How did Elain like her first day?”

She didn’t answer.

“You coming to the game on Friday night?” he tried, again.

“I don’t waste my time at football games.”

“You should,” Cassian said. “If you’re going to be a part of Velaris High –“

“We shouldn’t be speaking,” she interrupted. “This is meant to be punishment, a time for you to do homework.”

Cassian grinned, catching sight of her nametag. Nesta.

“Well, Nesta,” he began, and she scowled at the sound of her name from his lips. “It’s the first day of school. I don’t have homework. And I shouldn’t be punished. My so-called crime is perfectly justified.”

“If you’re trying to get under my skin, it’s not working. Now be quiet.”

“How old are you, anyway?” Cassian asked, not bothering to take a hint. Taking hints when people were annoyed with him was not his style. “You look younger than me. Are you one of those freakishly smart kids that graduated high school at, like, fourteen?”

She didn’t answer. Instead, Nesta’s cheeks began to burn as she turned her attention back to her clipboard.

Cassian chuckled as he pulled the phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. He used to get embarrassed of his phone, because it was all he could afford. It wasn’t the latest iPhone, or whatever other smartphone every else had. His model was made ten years ago and only cost twenty dollars a month to keep activated.

Alana okay? He sent to Rhys.

He replied less than a minute later. Yup. She’s sitting by Coach B on the bleachers while we get ready. She had a good day. : ) She’s excited to tell you about it.

Cassian let out a breath. Good. She had a good day. That was a good sign.

He glanced at the clock.

Five minutes.

He had only been in detention for five minutes.

“What’s your name?”

Elain blinked down at the little girl beside her. She hadn’t even realized she was there.

Her tanned skin was kissed by the sun, as if she had spent all Summer playing outdoors, and her long, curly brown hair was just as lovely as her hazel eyes.

“Elain,” she laughed, quietly. “What’s yours?”

“Alana,” she grinned, her two front teeth missing. “I’m five. My brother plays football. Does yours?”

“No,” Elain sighed. “No, I have no brothers. I do have sisters, though. One of them wants to be a teacher, and the other likes to paint.”

“Do you like to paint?” she asked, curiously. “I do.”

“Do you? I’m sure you’re a beautiful painter.”

The young girl smiled again as a tall, blonde girl approached them.

Elain recognized her immediately from a few of her classes.

“Mor!” Alana beamed, jumping to her feet and running into the arms of the blonde.

Mor smiled and brushed back her hair. “Hey, pretty girl. How was school?”

“Great! Are you gonna do cheerleading?”

“Yes,” Mor said, finding Elain. “I see you already met our new cheerleader. Elain?”

“Yep,” she said, rising to her feet and brushing down her gym shorts – a nervous habit. “I, um, have never done this before. Our last school was too small to form a squad, but I’ve always wanted to try it. I’m sorry if I’m awful, but I’ll do my best not to be. Oh my god, I’m sorry, I’m babbling –“

Mor just laughed, keeping Alana close to her side. “It’s okay. I’m captain, and what I say goes. And I say that you are more than welcome on the squad, and if you’re struggling, I’ll be more than happy to help you in any way I can. There’s no need to be nervous.”

Elain froze. It’s not that she expected Mor to be mean, but…..well, no that was it. And she felt awful for judging.

“Where’s Cass, Mor?” Alana asked, breaking the silence. “He said he was going to get me from school, but he didn’t.”

Mor crouched down to Alana’s height, and brushed a curly black lock behind her ear. “He’ll be here soon. He was naughty today.”

Alana rolled her eyes. “Again?”

Mor chuckled. “Yeah, what can you do? Boys.”

Alana giggled then held out her hand to Elain, which she amusingly shook. “It was nice to meet you, Elain. You will make a fine cheerleader.”

Then, she walked onto the football field and sat down on the bench, by a man that Elain assumed was the coach.

“She sure has a way with words for someone so young,” Elain said.

Mor smiled, wistfully. “Yeah, she does. That girl is special.” Then, as if she noticed Elain’s curious glance, Mor cleared her throat. “Well, come with me. Let me introduce you to the girls. I think you’re going to have fun.”

As they were walking to the sidelines, a tall boy with red hair came up behind them and smacked Mor on the ass. Mor didn’t even look back, she simply rolled her eyes. “Don’t mind him. That’s Eris. He’s a dick, but I don’t feel like making a scene right now. Not in front of Alana.”

Elain glanced nervously at the boy, with his broad shoulders and throbbing veins. “Does he…..do that kind of stuff to everyone?”

Mor quirked a brow before realizing what she was actually asking. “Oh, no, don’t worry about him. He won’t touch you. He’s my…..my boyfriend.”

Elain caught herself from asking why she stuttered, but she simply nodded her head and continued with the rest of their walk in silence.

“Good afternoon, ladies!” Mor called out once they reached the group that was gathering, placing her hands on her hips. “This is Elain, she is the newest member of our squad. It’s her first time cheering, so I expect you all to be helpful and encouraging.”

To Elain’s surprise, she was greeted with clapping and cheers. They all gave her a smile, except for the one on the end. Noticing where she was looking, Mor chuckled. “That’s Amren. Don’t let her fool you, she’s cheery inside.”

Elain quickly looked away from the small, black-haired female before their eyes could connect. “She doesn’t seem like the….”

“Cheerleader type?” Mor laughed, finishing her question. “No, she doesn’t. But her form is great, and she’s our flyer. She’s into gymnastics, but since Velaris doesn’t offer gymnastics, she joined the squad in hopes to stay in the same line of work. As close as she could get, anyway. Don’t judge too fast, though. She’ll surprise you.”

Elain, panicked, began to tell Mor that she wasn’t trying to judge, but got cut off.

“Mor?”

The two girls spun around, and Elain stopped.

So did the boy who was walking toward them, dressed in football pads and carrying his helmet by the facemask.

Mor’s grin turned wicked as she glanced between Azriel and Elain, as the two stared at one another in timid silence.

Azriel showed no emotion – none except for the crimson patches on his tanned cheeks.

He was in all of Elain’s classes but one, which was yearbook, which she excitedly decided to take thanks to Lucien’s recommendation.

Azriel always sat on the opposite end of the room as she did, but she caught him watching her a few times throughout the day.

And couldn’t stop the tingly sensation that sat in the pit of her stomach when she did.

“Sorry,” Azriel cleared his throat, at last, and looked to Mor as he raked a scarred hand through his dark hair. Elain couldn’t help but stare at the scars, at the way they completely ruined and mutilated his flesh. And yet, she didn’t stare because it was horrifying. She just simply couldn’t look away. “Um, Rhys wants to take us all out for pizza after practice. Wanna come?”

She looked to Azriel, then Elain saw her look further down the field – at Eris. “Yeah, sure, that would be great.”

Azriel looked to Elain, and cleared his throat, again. “Uh, would you like to come?”

“Oh,” Elain stopped, and she knew she was blushing. “No, that’s okay. I – my sisters will be expecting me. We just moved, and we’re still settling in. I don’t want to – no, that’s – I don’t want to impose.”

Azriel’s lips flattened as he pursed them, and nodded. He didn’t say anything else as he tugged on his helmet and jogged to the middle of the field.

Mor turned to Elain and raised her brows. “He was flirting with you.”

“He was?” Elain asked, incredulously. “He kinda looked like he wanted to set me on fire.”

“Trust me, I’ve known Az a long time,” Mor grinned. “He was flirting with you.”

And with that, she turned to the group, and practice began.

Elain tried to focus on what she had to learn, but she couldn’t get his face out of her mind.

And the shadows that seemed to linger over his shoulders.

Feyre sat high up on the bleachers, doodling in her notebook as practices were in full bloom on the field below.

She hated football. Football players were always stuck up and conceited, and she thought it was better to just stay away.

But Elain wanted to cheer, and Feyre supported whatever she did, so it looked like Feyre would be spending quite a bit of time by that damned field.

Nesta plopped down next to Feyre and sighed, forcing her to stop her pencil from moving and look at her sister. “Bad day?”

“No,” Nesta sighed. “No, it was okay. Mr. Collins is making me watch over detentions, though, and it’s just…..strange. I’m supposed to be in charge, but I’m only a year older than the seniors. It feels.....I don’t know. I feel like a child. Like a fake.”

Nesta had graduated early, thanks to her mass knowledge in pretty much every subject. She was halfway through University at nineteen, and Feyre had always admired her for such things.

“Someone already got detention?” Feyre chuckled. “It’s the first day of school.”

Nesta rolled her eyes. “Yes, one of the football players. Cassian Nazari. And his mouth is filthy. And I swear he was trying to flirt with me, which is extremely inappropriate.”

“You’re only a year older,” Feyre reminded her.

“But I work here,” Nesta rolled her eyes.

Feyre couldn’t help but laugh at Nesta’s fit. “Well, I’m sure he can’t stay in detention forever. Then you can move on.”

Nesta didn’t answer, she simply looked out onto the field where a boy was just now coming out of the locker room. “There he is. The little prick.”

Feyre smirked, but there was nothing little about him. He was huge. Fit. Beautiful, if Feyre had to admit. Even though the fact of his attraction was completely obvious.

She saw him run to number 16, which she recognized as Rhysand, the douche from gym, and slap him on the back before taking his place on the field.

“Wait – why are you scowling?” Nesta asked, genuinely curious.

“Speaking of pricks,” Feyre muttered before shaking her head. “I had a hell of a day.”

“Bad?” Nesta asked, her shoulders becoming tense.

Nesta had a tendency to come off like she didn’t care, although she had come a long way since their mother died. But it was little things like that, like the tensing up of her upper body, that made Feyre remember just how much their elder sister cared.

Nesta did take her and Elain out of their father’s home. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t have moved them ninety miles away – to Velaris.

“Not bad,” Feyre sighed. “Just…..I don’t know. New, I guess.”

Nesta nodded, as if she understood but wasn’t sure what to say.

“I’m sure it will get better though,” Feyre continued. “Looks like Elain is enjoying herself, at least.”

Elain was in the middle of a line of cheerleaders, her blue and black pom-poms up in a high V.

“She deserves it,” Nesta said, eyeing Elain on the field below. “She’s too kind to have lived the life we have so far.”

Feyre agreed. If anyone of them deserved a better life, it was Elain.

Elain had been the one to try and take the spot of “mother” after theirs had passed away, even though she was only a year older than Feyre, and a year younger than Nesta. It was in her blood, the love and care that only people like Elain could show.

Yet, she suffered the same as the rest of them. But she looked happy, with her arms in the air, chanting whatever foolishness she was chanting. And she was smiling.

And that was enough for Feyre, at least for now.

If Elain could find happiness in this starlit hell, perhaps she could, too.

#tacmc fnl #short chapter #i didn't want to make too many scenes tho #sorry #acotar #friday night lights #fanfic #fanfiction

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wargreyfics · 6 years

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Maths, My One True Weakness (Part 2)

SUMMARY:

Naomi meets up with Asa at the public library, as promised. He tutors her as he is supposed to, but she discovered more things about him as their afternoon go on.

The library wasn’t a place she frequently visits. In fact, she had zero memory as to when she came to the town’s public library the last time. She doesn’t hate reading, it’s just that the books she reads are those she has really strong interest in.

A soft creak announced her presence to the middle-aged lady sitting behind the counter. She greeted her with a warm smile, which Naomi greeted back with a slightly more awkward smile, before she returned her attention to the computer. That left Naomi free to roam around the place to find her tutor.

She found him sitting at one of the tables next to the aisle that says ‘Fiction: G-H’, reading a big, thick book that easily splayed open without his fingers needing to press the pages apart. A large pair of black headphones hugged his head, over his ears. She was amused at the thought that he still found this place not quiet enough that he had to bring such large headphones. He probably couldn’t hear her coming, so when she stood next to him, she gently placed her bag near him. The shudder from the impact her bag made with the table alerted the half-blind young man.

“Oh, hey, you’re here,” he said, hastily turning off his music and taking off his headphones. Something that looked like a smaller earphone tumbled off from his right ear, and noticing he dropped it, he caught it in his hand before placing it in the breast pocket of his shirt.

“Why are you wearing an earphone inside a headphone?” Naomi asked, sitting next to him.

“It’s my aid,” Asa replied quickly. His face slightly red, flustered from how awkward and stupid he was for hurrying. He realized he didn’t need to be such in a hurry.

“Aid?”

“Yeah, my hearing aid. I’m deaf—well, only on this side…” he explained, one finger made a circling motion in front of his right ear.

“Oh… Sorry…”

“Nah, no, it’s fine. It’s not like it’s obvious that I’m half-deaf, not as obvious as my being half-blind.”

“Then...why aren’t you wearing it right now?” She pointed at his breast pocket where he dropped the hearing aid into.

“Don’t need it. The library’s quiet, I can hear you just fine.” His eye darted to her bag, trying to steer the conversation away from his handicaps. “So? Which one do you have problems with?” he asked.

“Everything!” Naomi replied with a gusto, taking all of her textbook and notes. “I’m sorry, but please start from the beginning of this term.”

Asa gulped; not because he was afraid of having to explain half a term’s worth of math equations, but he basically gulped for her sake. “You do realize we have only about two weeks before midterms, right? You sure you want me to cram that much in this little amount of time?”

Naomi pouted, acknowledging that he was right. She had thought about this and it scared her. “W-well...let’s just...start with the first half of the first chapter, then see if I can handle them or not.”

“Fair enough. Alright, let’s not waste anymore time.”

Asa was quick to turn into tutor mode, and he was quite the stern tutor at that, too. Whenever Naomi lost focus and started going off on a tangent, Asa tapped her on her arm with the back of his hand, accompanied with a sharp, “Focus,” jabbed at her. It happened several times during their first two hours of tutoring; Naomi was obviously trying to make the suffering much more bearable, but when she tried to do so, Asa noticed, she really attempted to steer every attention away from maths. Asa’s main struggle was to keep her listening to him.

Naomi still hated maths, and despite her multiple attempts to escape from her tutoring, she found herself somewhat understanding the formulae she never understood before. Granted, Asa had to speak to her as if he was speaking to an elementary student, because the fancy math terms escaped her. He used Naomi’s strong tendency to make fun rhymes to her advantage, which works awesomely with trigonometry. And three long, arduous hours later, the older of the two decided to end the tutoring session, much to Naomi’s relief.

She stretched her arms up, groaning with relief. “Oh my goooooood! My head is gonna explode!”

“You’re fine. We managed to cover through our goal, didn’t we? You can go home now, eat...ice cream, I dunno. Whatever you like.”

“I like ice cream.” She packed her books and notes back into her bag, while Asa grabbed the large book she found him reading in the beginning of the day. She watched him rummage into his bag and pulled out a bookmark with a picture of some character from a game that was currently quite a hot discussion topic, typically among the boys. She kept hearing how said game made them frustrated, but at the same time excited. He slipped the themed bookmark about a fifth through the thick book. He had read that much since his arrival to the library and their meeting?

“Not only are you apparently pretty shy, but a straight-A student, a bookworm, and a gamer, too? You’re actually a pretty big nerd, aren’t ya?” Naomi teased with a big wide grin plastered on her heart-shaped face. Her remark earned her a blush and stammers from the eleventh grader.

“Y-yeah? So what if I’m a nerd?” he retorted, trying to remain stalwart.

Naomi giggled. “Nothing. It’s just really interesting that everything is packed in such a tall package of muscles and rage. You honestly strike more as the typical jock type. Hold on...don’t tell me you play football too?”

Asa sighed and walked to the counter. There, Naomi learned that Asa and the librarian seemed to be very familiar with each other, judging by their small talk. A small talk which he cut off to talk to her. “I can play football, but not part of the club. I’m not in any clubs at school, actually.” He paused and thought about his next words. He wanted to decide against it, but he ended up telling her anyway. What harm could there be? “I do go to the gym and take wrestling three days a week, though…”

“Ha! That still counts as a jock thing!” Naomi laughed as they exited the library. “You must be popular, huh?”

“I dunno. You don’t seem to know me, otherwise you wouldn’t be talking to me. Your friends, though, oh I know they know who I am. They don’t want you to talk to me.” Asa grimaced; he acted like he didn’t care but he paid close attention to Esh-baal and Eve’s body language, how they just succumbed to Naomi’s genuine wishes to present him with her homemade lunch. He could tell at least one of them was ready to pick up a fight with him should he harm this tiny blond girl. A lot of the students wanted to fight him, not just the bullies.

“Oh, they’re always in with the gossips and stuff. I don’t. I’m happy with cooking shows and DIY videos.” She lightly skipped in her steps, contrasting the way Asa took giant heavy strides that made him appear to walk fast. “I must say, I almost think you’d join Kazuo and his guys to gang up on me back then… Glad that wasn’t the case!”

“Who—oh. That prick. Ehh, I’ve had a lot of beef with that kid for a long time. Picked on Glovar when he first entered the swimming club, but my bro defended himself. You just...happened to be his victim at the time, that gave me an excuse to dish some payback. Feels real good.”

“Well, I’m glad my being harrassed turned to be beneficial. Also, it made a positive first impression of you for me!”

Asa raised an eyebrow—well, his only visible eyebrow—at the shorter girl. “Really? You’re not scared, after how I threatened a junior off a window that one time?”

“Now that I know what a big nerd you are, no! Besides, you were saving your brother, weren’t you?” she asked, tilting her head slightly to the side, a smile sitting on her face. “You’ve been nothing but a pretty nice jock-nerd combo to me this whole time.”

The tall young man shifted his mouth and ground his teeth together to hold back a big bright blush. “Okay, enough with the labels.” His eyes looked up momentarily as they arrived at a crossroads and stopped to turn to her. “Which way’s your house?”

“There,” she pointed straight ahead, “at Clementine Road. Where’s yours?”

“Same way, but two blocks further at Cherimoya. But I’m meeting up with my sister this way,” he said, pointing to the road to his left.

She giggled, knowing they didn’t live too far apart. “Nice. Still in the ‘Fruity District’,” she giggled again, this time at her own nickname for the area of their houses. The roads were, indeed, named after fruits. But then her brain tuned in to another piece of his sentence. It made her freeze for a moment. “Wait wait wait… Sister? I never—”

“You know her,” he cut her off, “she goes to the same school as us.”

“What grade? Is she younger? Older?”

“Not a student.”

“A teacher?! Which one? Tell me!” She hopped towards him, standing as close as possible in front of him, eager to know.

“I’ll give you a clue: she teaches English.”

It wasn’t much of a riddle; she gasped with the answer somewhat choked up behind her voice. “Miss Cayaditto?! She’s your sister? But your last names...oh, wait, she must be married.”

The way she reacted to the revelation amused him, Asa had a good chuckle out of it. “No, not married. Not yet. But, yeah, she’s my sister. Okay, technically not, but we used to grow up in the same house before she moved out with her boyfriend. Uh, long story. I’d tell you when I’m not in such a hurry.” His feet moved towards the road that lead him to his sister, while Naomi to her house.

Naomi understandingly nodded and headed towards her home. “No problem. See ya!” She started walking, but turned around before both of them departed too far. “Wait! Asa!” she hollered. She made sure to holler as loud as she sanely could, remembering that he was half-deaf. Luckily, not many cars were around at the moment. “Can I eat lunch with you again?”

Asa didn’t answer immediately. His eye was searching for an answer on a blank sidewalk tile, his lips pursed. Soon, his hand cupped his chin. He glanced quickly at her, only to find her eagerly waiting for an answer—which she expected to be ‘yes’ judging by how hopeful she looked. He thought Grimoaldo had given her the warning, he thought Esh-baal and Eve had warned her. Either they actually failed to do so, or this girl just had the determination the size of a kaiju. He sighed through his nostrils. “Yeah, only if you promise to focus when we meet again tomorrow. And, uh, if your math grade doesn’t improve the next pop quiz, no more VIP rooftop lunch for you. Copy that?”

Her eyes and face beamed. She striked a saluting pose with a gusto. “Sir, yes, sir!” she exclaimed, followed by a series of giggles. Asa returned her salute out of amusement, though his gesture had less oomph in it. They saw each other off for the second time, and for real.

Asa thought back of his decision; worrying if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He was mainly influenced by what she said; after purposefully building an intimidating image throughout his school years, it felt pleasing to find someone who saw past that, and he clung to the sentiment. Maybe he shouldn’t have, but for once, he wanted to go against his harder, colder instincts.

#writing #aruni writes #amwriting #ya literature #yalit #original characters #asa shirmi #naomi summers #ocs #domestic verse

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wazafam · 3 years

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Rodney Dangerfield is one of the most beloved comedians of all time for his sharp one-liners and self-deprecating humor. It wasn't until later in life that he moved towards movies, but that didn't stop him from making some classics in his time even if his acting career was not prolific.

RELATED: Fat Guy In A Little Coat: 10 Funniest Chris Farley Quotes

While Dangerfield rarely stepped too far away from the persona he established in his stand-up, his movies remain memorable and still get big laughs today. Fans can no doubt recall some of the funniest quotes from his movie career delivered in a way only Rodney Dangerfield can pull off.

10 Even In Hell, I Get No Respect

Little Nicky is not regarded as one of Adam Sandler's best comedies, but it does feature a pretty enjoyable cast of funny people. The movie stars Sandler as the kind-hearted son of the devil who must go to Earth in order to bring his demon brothers back to Hell.

Dangerfield has a fun supporting role as Sandler's grandfather, Lucifer. In one scene as the wayward demon brothers are preparing to leave Hell, they push Dangerfield aside. As he lies on the ground, he gets a nice winking line to his most famous catchphrase.

9 I Got A Face-Lift, There Was One Just Like It Underneath

The live-action take on the friendly ghost Casper is a nostalgic hit for some fans and a favorite for the Halloween season. The movie is a fairly fun family-friendly ghost story that is packed with a surprising amount of fun cameos, including one from Dangerfield.

RELATED: 10 Funniest Ben Stiller Movie Quotes, Ranked

In one scene, a character is possessed by ghosts and when he looks in the mirror, his face changes into different recognizable celebrities. Along with appearances as Clint Eastwood and Mel Gibson, Dangerfield pops up to offer one of his trademark zingers at his own expense.

8 Whoa, Did Somebody Step On A Duck?

It's safe to say that out of Dangerfield's entire movie career, Caddyshack is the most beloved. The wild and hilarious golf flick takes a pretty simple premise, a lot of funny actors, and turns it into comedy gold.

Dangerfield steals many scenes as the rich, hard-partying club member, Al. He is meant to be a refreshing alternative to the other stuffy members as seen in this scene during a fancy dinner when Al lets out a noisy fart without shame and loudly jokes about it. No matter your age, fart jokes are always funny.

7 With The Shape I'm In You Could Donate My Body To Science Fiction

Another fantastic movie from Dangerfield's career is Back to School. In it, he plays a rich businessman who enrolls in college to help his struggling son make it through to graduation. The high-concept comedy is basically just an excuse for Dangerfield to do his regular schtick which works so well.

During the climactic diving competition, Dangerfield's character is asked to participate which he is not too keen on. He remarks "you could donate my body to science fiction." It is that kind of clever play on words that helped make him a legend.

6 After They Sacked The Quarterback They Went After His Family

One of the funniest things about Back to School is seeing Dangerfield's older character trying to relate to his younger classmates. This also gives him an excuse to talk about his own young days which is another big part of his comedy routines.

RELATED: Steven Seagal's Funniest Quotes From His Films

When assessing the football team at his new school, Dangerfield feels they don't match up to the toughness of his hometown football team. These kinds of exaggerated ideas are another hallmark of Dangerfield's wonderful humor.

5 Together We Made Mud

The "no respect" style of Dangerfield's stand-up comedy extends to all aspects of his life which makes it such a versatile setup. Another of the big areas Dangerfield likes to focus on is his failed romantic relationships so the fact that his character in Back to School is divorced leaves plenty of opportunity for these kinds of jokes.

When talking to some of the younger college kids, Dangerfield remarks that his relationship with his ex was doomed from the beginning. He explains, "I'm an Earth sign. She's a water sign. Together we made mud."

4 My Dinghy’s Bigger Than Your Whole Boat!

One of the funniest parts of Caddyshack is Al's rivalry with the movie's villain, Judge Smails. Though Al seems to think they are actually friends in his own strange way, the uptight Smails cannot stand Al's obnoxious and vulgar behavior.

During one memorable scene, Smails is christening his new boat as Al comes to say hello in his massive yacht. Not only does Al's massive boat cause Smails's to sink, but Al adds insult to injury by hilariously mocking its size.

3 Yeah, Well You Were The Inspiration For Twin Beds

Easy Money might not be as well known as Caddyshack or Back to School, but it is another fairly entertaining comedy that makes good use of Dangerfield's iconic brand of comedy.

RELATED: Don't Call Me Shirley: 10 Funniest Leslie Nielsen Quotes

The movie finds Dangerfield playing a man who stands to inherit his mother-in-law's fortune if he can change his wild lifestyle. Some of the funniest scenes involve Dangerfield facing off with his disapproving mother-in-law. After she chastises him one too many times, he unleashed this great insult.

2 Hey Baby, You Must’ve Been Something Before Electricity

It is endlessly funny watching Al continuously annoy Smails in Caddyshack. He is either totally unaware of how to agree he is making Smails or he just doesn't care. In either way, Al proves to have no boundaries.

While Smails is dancing with his wife, Al decides to cut in much to Smails's horror. To matters worse, Al openly mocks his wife with the biting line, "you must've been something before electricity."

1 Hey Everybody, We’re All Gonna Get Laid!

Despite Caddyshack having other big-name stars like Chevy Chase and Bill Murray in the cast, it is Dangerfield who gets to deliver the final line of the movie. And it may be one of the funniest and greatest final lines in cinema history.

After winning the climactic golf match and triumphing over Smails, Al turns to the gathered crowd and shouts, "Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid," leading to a massive party in pure '80s movie fashion. It doesn't make any sense but it's hard not to go along with how fun it is.

NEXT: I Have The Higher Ground: 10 Funniest Obi-Wan Kenobi Quotes

10 Funniest Rodney Dangerfield Quotes | ScreenRant from https://ift.tt/3hOjbwe

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 6 years

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Life Story Part 78

The neighbor dad next door liked to drink every night – often in packs of other men just like himself, in the back of his house. Sometimes these nights became violent. We could hear his kids crying, his wife drunkenly screaming for order while causing a fair bit of confusion herself. Once two men fell into our back yard and were grabbling and drunkenly trying to pin one another down in what they must have thought was a high end fight scene in the movie of their sad little lives.

The neighbor dad came over to our house one night and started accusing my brother David of stealing his shitty Coors Light beer. David was not stealing his beer at all of course. There was some other son of one of his friends that was eventually found to be the culprit, but this guy was adamant that it was David, threatening to shoot David if he saw him on his property, as if anyone with any self respect wanted to be seen on his shitty property. He eventually convinced the other men who were just like him in our town that David was coming onto his property to steal his missing beer, his most beloved drink, and they all took to calling David names as they drove by. If we were taking our nightly stroll, men would stumble out of the bar and accuse David of being a thief, and once in awhile they called David a 'dob'. We wondered for years what that might mean. It was all very weird. It seemed like from age thirteen on, other men wanted to fight David. I am not entirely sure why.

David signed up for football. I knew he didn't want to. The only reason he had signed up for football in the first place was because my father had been adamant about it for so many years and David didn't feel like he had the right to say no. It was something deeply personal to my father, some big momentous ordeal that had to be done. I think he felt that David had to live the life that he himself hadn't. He wanted David to become a strong football loving American white man – and not the strange hippie that my father had chosen to be at that same age. He wanted to live those wholesome boring American dream victories vicariously through David, perhaps to stave away the fact that he himself had never left the area he lived in, had two failed marriages, thirty-five failed online relationships, a failed business, a growing reliance on alcohol, and a wasted thirty-five years working at a factory who wanted him gone before he could receive the retirement he deserved.

I knew David didn't want to play sports anymore. Not even boxing really. I was sitting on the computer in the living room one night, as David was sleeping on the couch. David started talking in his sleep. He was panicking in his dream, stating over and over that he didn't want to play football. I looked over alarmed, and he had the look of someone who was drowning. A dream like that speaks volumes. David didn't want to go through with it, but he had already signed up. And it was eating him alive that he was doing this. He wanted to listen to music and collect albums, and read and challenge and critique everything he liked against the world. He had no interest in being brawny or masculine – at least not in the way my father wanted, and he hated everyone far too much to have any ambitions whatsoever. He felt completely outcast, and it happened at a young age all at once. It was harder for him than for me I think. I was born an outsider, and had ambitiously worked my way into a system anyway. I had that humility. David just woke up one day feeling like everything was a lie.

For two weeks David went to practice. His coach was that same foul disgusting man that I remember talking inappropriately about the teenage girls in my class and what he would like to do with them. He had talked about my best friend Ava and her weight. He was a loathsome hideous pretentious sick fucker with a whistle. I don't blame David for hating it. He went to practice for two weeks. They forced the boys to run around the field for a very long time, essentially going for miles or until the boys crumpled, at which point, the football coach would crouch over them and scream in their faces until they pulled themselves up and continued to run. David threw up several times. This didn't in an of itself stop him, but it would have stopped me. And then one day, David quit.

This caused my father to have some kind of meltdown. I remember sitting in the kitchen, and not knowing what had happened. I remember he was grimacing with fury and confusion, and leaning over the kitchen sink and then telling me to leave him alone – as if someone had just died. I thought getting upset because your son isn't going to be a small town football star was exceedingly lame. Later he blamed me almost entirely, as he had started to catch on that I had become a cold undermining force to him. His younger kids listened to me, not him. I guess there had been a fight, and David had said to my dad 'STOP TRYING TO LIVE THROUGH ME!'. Which did sound like a very 'me' thing to say, but it was all David. I think anyone around could see the dynamics for what they were. And if it was me, I feel very little sympathy. David's dream self was telling him not to play football, which to me means serious business. You don't fuck with dream stuff. It knows you in a way you don't. Plus, the world has too many 7th grade football players. It really does.

Of course, I wasn't happy with David either, but for different reasons. He went from being a sweet considerate person to being malicious towards Allison and I. It was getting harder to deal with, and I was trying not to hate him, but that resolve was breaking. I just couldn't go between two different realities, my brother as one of my best friends and my brother as someone who wanted to really hurt me. We ended up going up to my grandmother's house in my mother's van. My grandma was trying to get rid of her possessions. She had collected a lot over the years in her line of business. She couldn't sell things on eBay they way she used to. She was tired of packaging and shipping books. Plus, some weird asshole priest in town had taken it upon himself to see that the St. Vincent de Paul shut down – somehow in the complexity of the tax world this was going to financially benefit him personally. And that left my grandma out of work. So she was giving a lot of it away to my mother, who is almost a hoarder.

We drove up there, and a lot of it was work we couldn't really do. My uncle who remodels homes for a living, was also up there at my grandma's, remodeling a part of my grandma's house. It was kind of strange to see that room go. It was a special room full of crafts and beads. Different little tiny shelves went up to the ceiling, each one had a different kind of item inside. As a child I had been mesmerized and wanted to get into everything. He changed that room into something far more spacious – it's a better room ultimately, but for nostalgia reasons I will always miss the old room.

During our three or four day visit, we would sleep on the floor, and wake up early in the morning to the sun beaming down on us and to the snotty little noses of the Yorkies who excitedly sniffed us and licked our faces. On the second to last day of our visit, our uncle Rick wanted to take us rafting down the small river close to where my grandma lived. I was skeptical, as our last rafting trip had been pretty terrible with our father, but given that Rick had all the proper equipment and boats for all of us to use, and the fact that the water was manageably shallow – it wasn't some major north American river, just a forgettable small one, I eventually felt more optimistic.

My uncle Rick is an alcoholic/workaholic. He never had children, and he once told me this was intentional, as his alcoholism would destroy his kid's childhoods the way that my mother and her brother's childhood had been ruined by their own father. I don't particularly think my uncle Rick is all that great, but for some reason this answer was one of the most socially responsible and respectable answers I had ever heard come from someone in my family. It made sound sense to me.

Rick would work very rough jobs that gave him a lot of money and that took up most of his time. He was very anal about his work, and if you were trying to help him but weren't, he would shoo you away in a hostile fashion. After a job well done he would take that money and buy alcohol with it, get into insane fights, wreck his cars and get massive DUI's which cost him just about all the money he could have ever saved from the job he was doing, which would intern require of him to work even harder – causing him to stress and feel like drinking, and when he drank his life would fall apart rapidly and it all would happen over and over again. He will die an alcoholic. He even used to run his own AA meetings back in the 90's when he had a few years under his belt of sobriety – so he knows full and well what he is doing.

For some reason my uncle Rick reminds me intensely of my mother and father mixed together. It's uncanny and weird. He's not related to my father of course, whom I am sure sees nothing of himself in any member of his ex wife's family. But it's true. They are similar. And the differences are made up with the similarities he has with my mom – his sister. It's truly weird to me. The only addition to the mix is that he's a worse alcoholic than either of them. For this reason, I see him as a sort of parent to me, though I have never told him this, as it's a half handed compliment. Not that we are super close, but he's the complete hybrid of those two people who brought me into the world for whatever reason. And he's probably right, if he had kids he would ruin their lives. But since he didn't bring me into the world, I don't really have to hate him.

We ended up going on this rafting trip which was a lot of fun. Allison and I shared our boat. My uncle Rick and David shared another, and my mom was given her own. My mother didn't heed his warning that you should avoid the rocky shallow parts, since the rocks will eventually find a way to break a hole in your inner tube boat, and she felt sheepish and had to get in one of our boats when her boat collapsed. It all worked out though. It was a fifteen mile stretch of a shallow river/large creek (I don't know which). It was a perfect temperature. It was relaxing, and beautiful. All around us we saw fish in the clear water, and deer. I put it down as one of my more cherished wholesome memories – unconnected to anything sinister or complex. Just me out in the water. It is weird at moments of simple clarity and softness in living that I wondered about how I had stayed up all night contemplating suicide from a academic standpoint, or trying to make sense of human nature in my thought so it could be corrected. It was rare that I ever just had a day like that.

David ended up throwing this massive hateful tantrum towards me. He freaked out over a game of monopoly, and I don't remember what happened from there, but he was acting really rude and mean towards us. My blood pressure was up. I wanted to slam him in the face, but that wasn't something I was going to do now. I didn't want to do that ever again actually. So I kept my calm. I also could tell that he was trying to upset me and Allison. He wanted to see tears, and he was going at any length to get those tears. I was eventually made so mad I was afraid to speak, afraid to give him the satisfaction of upsetting me. I just pretended that he wasn't getting to me. Actually, it was really hurting me. It was disappointing me and making me feel horrible, and I didn't even know how to comprehend it. Eventually, as we were packing the van on the last day he caused some kind of chaotic issue with Allison and refused to pack this van. It wasn't a matter of packing your average van. It was like, two hours of work. And he just refused to help. My mother's back was out, and David said he would scream if Allison went out there – so my mother relented and sent Allison inside. If David had instead decided on going inside, seeing as he refused to be of service, this would have made it easier for Allison to come out and help, but he was intentionally setting it up so that I had to pack the van by myself.

My grandma watched, and I could tell she was frustrated. David had a way of using domestic terrorism to get his way. Everyone was afraid of him when he turned into this person. All the same, I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of frustration or tears. So for three hours, I worked up a huge sweat, my muscles tingling as I packed all of my mother's hoarder stuff into the van box by box, bag by bag, furniture piece by furniture piece. On the way back, Allison and David lived buried in stuff. They had only a little bit of breathing room. They must have resented the fact that I always got to sit in front, account of the fact that I was bigger than them, and the fact that I have always suffered extreme car sickness, making it inevitable I would be put up front anyway.

I packed the van, and while I did it David would glare at me and laugh at me and stick his face out at me like I should punch him. He sat there intentionally looking at me working, getting some weird satisfaction from sitting and doing nothing. Of course, maybe this was some kind of punishment for how I had babysat when I was thirteen years old. But I was twenty-one now! If we are all to suffer the consequences at the age of twenty-one, eight years after the fact, the god help us all. I was infuriated, but I somehow learned to use that fury and turn it into one psychotic grimacing smile. I held back, and when I finally had a half of a house worth shoved into the back of the van, I ran to the back room of my grandma's house, flopped face first into the blankets where my mother had slept on the floor, and just extruded this agonized fury in silence. I opened my mouth and nothing came out – only some black evil smoke that I had been holding in for several hours as I whistled past David. I closed my eyes and vividly imagined popping someone's eyes out of their sockets, clawing away at skin, snapping off fingers and toes. I had somehow held into this rage that was almost too much for me to bear. I felt shaky and weak and disoriented. And something emotionally strained in me broke. I loved David, but I didn't see him as my friend anymore. He was an enemy. He was old enough to know he was ruining the relationships he had with everyone around him and he didn't care. I had rarely if ever felt so hurt and frustrated as I had then. I could hear my mother's pampering voice in the kitchen, trying to appease him. I realized that ultimately, Allison and I were going to have to work around him, just like we worked around our parents. He was toxic. I hadn't let go of him as my brother. But I sort of knew from then on that things were going to go south for us. It had already started, and there was no way for me to reverse it.

At around this very same time, a totally bizarre situation happened, and it changed our family's dynamic forever. My dad had started occasionally visiting the local bars both in Kendrick and Juliaetta, a small town not far from there. He had met this young woman, this very young woman – only two or three years older than me. My father had just turned sixty. He didn't look that old – he still looked like he was in his late forties, but he was indeed sixty. It's not illegal, and I am not in the business of judging what two consenting adults do, but I really don't see a twenty three year old woman and a sixty year old man have in common. They had literally nothing in common. They had no shared interests or experiences. They didn't even really know how to talk to one another. She seemed confused and unstable. She had two kids, and a sad story and she needed a place to stay. I don't know if my father honestly deluded himself into thinking that he was going to be some kind of hero in a nonromantic way towards her, or if he had it in mind all along. He will always point to the woman and say it was her who initiated the relationship.

It started out he just gave her some money to help her out. He told me about it, chuckled nervously and assured me they weren't going to be in a relationship. And then she was calling him and soon they were suddenly an item. It all happened literally within a week. I remember the day it happened, and it was so strange. I had spent the day out in Lewiston with Sarah. We had listened to the Tom Waits record 'Heartattack and Vine' and Mr. Seigel had played. I ended up getting Mr. Seigel stuck in my head over and over again. And somehow I knew like, reality had shifted. Something had cracked to pieces and things were going to begin shifting all around me relatively rapidly. I didn't associate it with anything, I just knew everything was wrong, but it wasn't the kind of wrong you cry about or try to understand. It's the kind of wrong that has pushed the wheel towards sheer absurdism. You laugh in self defense because nothing makes any fucking sense anymore. Down is up. Something in the back of my head just tingled.

So I went in, and my father said that Crystal was going to be living in our house now with her two little boys, and she was suddenly just going to be the wife I guess? It was very weird. This woman was my age. Her father had sexually abused her, and she could never stop talking about it. It was very tragic. She was obsessed with older men who played some kind of role that her father had played. She literally talked about her father every single night. I don't really feel like this was wrong per say, but like, shame on my fucking dad. This in a way went beyond anything he had ever managed to do. It didn't even really effect me that badly. I just looked at this strange sister-mom and felt bad for her and thought my dad was a disturbed fucking idiot for bringing her in the house. I knew then and there too that he would never learn. Because he always was some kind of expert at the end of each failed relationship, and he always went on and on about how they were bad and he was good and he had learned his lesson. He imparted all kinds of confusing and harmful and clueless rhetoric. But never had I thought he would date someone this young, someone so obviously dealing with mental illness – someone who was literally looking for an old man to take her father's place in some horrible abusive scenario she kept reliving every day of her life. I remember just coming in the house and starting at my father straight in the face and shaking my head. He couldn't even go against me for that.

At the same time, he was in some kind of existential crisis because David had quit football. He had only now decided to see David's behavior as some kind of problem, conveniently when he wanted to punish David for something entirely stupid. David was staying up later than normal, which is totally normal for thirteen year olds. Furthermore, my father sometimes kept us up till midnight, so he was also just as guilty of letting us stay up late on school nights. But my father had his douchebag pants on I guess, and when he was in the upstairs hallway, he looked into David's bedroom and saw that David was awake. He started shouting at David to go to FUCKING BED!!!!! like a lunatic, and then David gave him some attitude, and My father lunged at David, grabbed him by the neck and slammed him against the wall and punched him in the face and accused him of being a 'faggot homosexual'. Then he kicked David out.

I only found out later on, once David's side of the story came to light. My father was very vague about the entire thing. I later found out the reason that he kicked David out was in part because Crystal thought David was 'weird'. My father was so insecure and was so embarrassed to have a nonfootball playing son who some local hillbilly woman-child of low intellect that he barely knew for two weeks had thought his own son, whom he had spent his entire life raising – and though indeed flawed, didn't deserve to be kicked out or abandoned or abused by his father for the very personal choice of choosing not to partake in school sports was worth throwing away on behalf of. I looked at this entire situation with absolute disgust. Despite my issues with David, he really did get fucked over. And if you haven't learned better by the age of sixty, you will never ever learn. You will forever be that hopeless.

I had actually been secretly planning to send Allison to live with our mother up till the point where David got there first. Between my father and brother, Allison's life was getting pretty shitty. I wanted her to experience a new school, to maybe find opportunities somewhere else. I knew the ship was sinking. Crystal was not the cause of it, she was just an indication. I didn't hate her at all. It was weird because we were both so close in age, I would invite her to take walks with us at night, and she would generally talk about her abusive childhood, drifting between idealizing how great it all way, and feeling abused and empty. I just listened to her. Her sons were totally unruly, but I learned to appreciate them as well for what they were. I knew Crystal couldn't help what she was doing really. She had little to no experience outside of bars and living in the middle of nowhere with old cowboys. She had never visited a big city before. She told me that she thought that the horror movie, The Ring was real. She thought all horror movies were real because she couldn't fathom that anyone could think something like that with their own imaginations.

The family unit was combusting. I knew I would be fine because wherever I went, Sarah and Allison were still my family. I suddenly found myself certain I would be getting out of there. Whenever I was feeling unsure of myself, I realized that I almost didn't have a choice, and Sarah was pushing me along and helping me so much. Compared to me, she seemed so organized and sociable and competent. As for David, what could I say? It's not that I didn't love David or worry about him. I wanted to beat my father's brains out for hurting him. But he really was on his own because every time I tried to get close he attacked me or Allison and it got to where saw him as a threat, though not as an enemy. There was nothing further I could do for him. I was really sorry because I knew that we were at this pivotal point where, the things that were going to happen in the coming year or so were going to effect and ripple throughout the rest of his life. The decisions he made now was going to shape his future in a way that was going to cause him to struggle horribly when he got older and realized the consequences of it all.

When David lived at my mother's I only got tidbits of their altercations. Eventually David shoved my mother, but then again, maybe it was my mother that shoved David? I couldn't tell the truth. Because my mother was having some kind of crisis, and so was David and they were both at each other's throats. And then, my mom started telling me that she had called the cops on David. David denied this ever happened. I know that it did a few times because I remember him saying so himself. But then again, my mother really could be lying. Talking about it now with anyone is hard because everyone's memory is warped by intense emotions. I knew the both of them to be half crazy. I also know my mom – if she finds out someone wants to hit her she does everything in her power to make them hit her. I remember once fighting with her and she started screaming with this big wicked smile on her face 'HIT ME!!! HIT ME!!!' and I just looked at her with confusion and disgust. Like she was putting her cheek out at me, and it was beyond stupid. She wanted to get the satisfaction of believing herself to be a victim. It's my mom's thing. She's always a victim. I just looked at her and said 'What the hell? I am not going to hit my own mother.' I felt bad if I even cussed at her, even when she full out deserved it. It's just not in my nature to get in the hog pin with my mom. It's debasing and unclassy and ultimately giving into this notion that my life was and forever would be so small, that conquering her pathetic self with an arrogant and mindless jab in the face in our dirty ass kitchen was the most I could ever hope for. I just had to keep my eye above them all. My revenge would be my freedom from it someday. I had to look to the great big beautiful and mysterious world I lived in and not into the abysmal eyeballs of these maniacs that I called family. I wanted to transcend them, not give into their awful ways.

David stopped going to school. A lot of it was my mother's fault. She didn't really care at first – probably didn't get him where he needed to be because she couldn't understand that you need to keep your kids in school. But then it became a legal issue, and David still refused to go to school and they had fights about it. He wasn't old enough to be making this decision for himself, and yet he was because nobody was in his life to create any kind of stability for him. My dad had thrown him by the wayside for Crystal's minor convenience. My mother was a selfish and distracted chaos queen. He was too young to even realize the consequences of not going to school. But on the other hand, how can I really blame David? I myself stayed in school only because I am thirty percent more afraid of authority than David was, and I had friends and romantic interests that kept me curious about my school life. I barely hung on by a thread, and if I hadn't had those things I might have stopped going altogether as well. David didn't have those minor favors that I did. And at his very same age, I only went to school half the time as it was. I just did it differently, and I went to a school that nobody in a position of state power was going to step in and force me to go to. Idaho is one of the most ungoverned states. You wouldn't believe the kinds of things people get away from outside of the major cities.

At around this same time, my sister Roxanne and her husband Jeremy split up. It was a long time coming, too long a time. Jeremy had become more and more violent and abusive each passing day. He raped Roxanne. He was selling drugs, and he was prepping Sagen, Roxanne's daughter to molest her. At one point, shortly before Roxanne had reached this point with him where she couldn't handle it anymore, her second youngest daughter Hayley, who was only six at the time woke up from a night terror and Jeremy ran in there, grabbed her off the ground by her hair mid sleep, and shoved her against the wall violently. All for having cried out loud in her sleep – which woke him up. The guy deserved to be dead in my book. I couldn't visit there anymore because Jeremy was such a horrible person I couldn't hold it in anymore. My mother had called CPS on Roxanne with my strong eager encouragement, and she had lost her three children she had with her ex, Jody. Jody was also awful, but not a cruel and sadistic monster like Jeremy. I mean, I would cross the street to avoid him for sure, but I wouldn't wish death on him. Sagen Roxanne kept, since Sagen was older and had more say in where she went, and Roxanne's youngest little girl, Meliah she kept as well. Meliah was temporarily kept with Jeremy's sister, who was strangely normal compared to her folks.

It all ended I guess when Jeremy, whilst high on meth, held a knife to Roxanne's neck and threatened to kill her, as he believed she was stealing his drugs. He held her hostage, and eventually one of his friends had to tackle him down to get Roxanne free. So Roxanne finally told him to leave. And at first, we were all relieved. She had been with Jeremy for nearly six years, and every time I thought about what Roxanne and Jeremy were both putting those kids through, whenever I tried to contemplate what Roxanne was going through I felt this sick jab in my chest. It was strange to see how Roxanne had evolved from the hyperactive little girl she had been into this adult. I loved Roxanne a great deal. I believe her bright personality is part of the reason I get excited and feel up for anything. And of course I liked her. But given the damage she was doing and had done to her children at the behest of a man, it was hard to feel like I could warm up to her. So we all thought that Jeremy was the key element in her life, and if he was gone everything would get better. It's not what happened.

Jeremy had kept Roxanne on drugs, but he had always been the master of the drugs and he chose how much she used and how often – in order to keep her competent enough to take care of the chores and the kids. With him gone, Roxanne was able to use all the meth and pills she wanted without him controlling her doses. And then she and Sagen started using together. It was crushing to hear about. Sagen had literally won an award at her school, hand signed by Barack Obama for her gifted intelligence and her excellence as a student. People had seen her as some future lawmaker or someone of great future thinker. Her principal cared about her on a very personal level. So when Roxanne got her own twelve year old daughter on meth with her, we were all besides ourselves. I couldn't believe it. And then soon Sagen just stopped going to school altogether. The state tried to tie her down. They tried to give her to her father, but she ran away. Sagen's father had molested her, and had very little to do with her life, and she hated him. She stole from him and fled. When she ran away, Sagen's father had the audacity to write the Dr. Phil show and told Dr. Phil about Sagen's behavior, and the show actually offered to fly her over with her parents and have it out on the show, which Sagen refused. It was so crazy. Like, I can imagine how absurd it would have looked. Sagen would have randomly called her father out as a molester, and Dr. Phil would have tried to throw her in some kind of boot camp or rehab or something in between. This is just how far my family's madness had gone. Dr. Phil wanted us on his show! I mean, not me obviously as my problems largely manifested themselves internally in a way that would not make for that great of entertainment. But that general anxiety and dysfunction permeated pretty much throughout everyone in our family.

To bring this down to the more mundane, and to mention something before I forget. All that summer, and well into the fall, Allison and David owned rabbits. They joined some kind of FFA rabbit club, that was run by this really creepy dude named Frank that lived at the end of town. Frank had always been this guy on Halloween that dressed in a gorilla suit, all four hundred pounds of him, and chased kids. He chased me when I was five, and it almost scared me to the point where I had to stop trick or treating. I imagine this might have bent my bias against him. He was well known to walk about town until he found someone to talk their ear off, and he thought of himself as an inventor, though he never invented anything.

Allison started talking to his son Wayne, this very heavy kid in her class who was always cruel to due to his weight and I was always prodding her to be nice to him. I had watched him once when he was five in the store. He was always a very outgoing and nerdy boy, and had always been fat. He came up to some girls who were my age to show them some toys he liked. He was absolutely innocent and adorable, and they had pretty much called him names and were incredibly cruel towards him. I remember seeing the look of hurt on his face, and when Allison was in his class, I always urged her to go against the grain and be nice to him. From a very early age, he learned that he wasn't equal to anyone else, and it was massively fucked up. He never was a very good friend to Allison however. He was guarded and kind of crazy. I mean, he wasn't awful – just kind of know-it-allish, and it turned out he was obsessed with Stalin and dictators and most definitely voted for Donald Trump in the last election, and that was really weird.

Allison got this Dutch lop. He was a soft and adorable. If you turned him on his back and cradled him like a baby he would close his eyes. Rabbits are very simple creatures though. I loved him, but we never could do much with him, and it felt weird to keep him locked in a cage his whole life. It's not the way rabbits should live. We also had to make sure he ate the right stuff. My father ended up feeding him some bulb plants at first and it nearly killed him. And it turned out being gay. It never would mate with other rabbits, and got frenzied with disturbing rabbit lust and slobbered sexually whenever it was around other males. He was normally a very soft cuddly creature, but when Allison took him to the fair that year, he hopped across the table and began attempting to forcefully mate with the other rabbits, and it became this huge fiasco at the local fair that nobody will ever forget. David ended up getting this English lop, which are huge, and have the big ears. At first the English lop was really cute, but he soon became vicious. He would attack you if you got near him. He was hard to feed, and he would look at you and bite the cage with his teeth. We ended up having to give him back.

Allison and David eventually left the Rabbit Club. Frank was getting really weird for the both of them. David's rabbit went mad being caged up and full of hormones, so he gave the rabbit back and left the club. I think Frank ate that poor boy. David just remembers staring at Frank as he was conducting a meeting, and Frank had this insane smile on his face. One of his toes was infected and green and there were flies eating away at it. David looked up at Frank, who know that David had been looking at his toe, and he smiled into David's eyes – sort like 'see?' Which was a very disturbing for David. He imagined that Frank was perhaps secretly feeding the flies on purpose or something, and liked the flies eating the infection of his toe. They were literally covering the wound.

Allison's rabbit we found a home for with one of my father's girlfriends. She had a big space for the fuzzy guy, and as far as I know he lived a happy life – considering. Allison left too because Frank and his wife wouldn't stop trying to force Allison to date Wayne, and that got very strange for everyone. Frank was so forward about it, he would talk as though Allison and Wayne were going to keep up his legacy together, and one time accused Allison and Wayne of 'humping in the back of the pick up as Wayne's parents drove' something foul and crude and it just made everyone really uncomfortable. Frank was very good at being just the most uncomfortable person. He always said the most disturbing things. His house was filthy and he kept his rabbits in inhumane conditions. The inside was filled with the filth of rabbit, and they never did the dishes. Allison just didn't want to go there anymore.

On the upside, David caught a kitten around Wes's house, the guy my mother took care of for a living. I haven't mentioned it a lot, but all three of us, me, Allison and David spent a lot of our time at Wes's for those years – mostly going with our mom and leaving with her after her work was done for the evening. It was sort of boring – the walls were stained with nicotine, there were always old westerns playing on television, occasionally some gross old perverted man would stop by for a visit. But Wes was kind of a member of our family. And he bought us things. He wasn't shouting that my mother marry him or any of that disturbing stuff anymore. He paid my mom's bills though, which was kind of weird. It really amazes me just how often my mother has gotten other people to pay her bills. She works hard, but spends hard and often is low on money, but she always found a way. Wes's was ultimately a lot nicer than staying at our mom's for the day. Wes in his wheel chair and his scratchy voice, usually getting slight better from some illness that had really taken him down. He would buy us shrimp dinners and give us birthday money and jobs to get paid for outside. After his previous animal companion had been killed by getting ran over, he bought a new dog. Her name was Samantha, and she is by far the most well mannered easy going creature I ever met. She was half Chow, half Newfoundland. She was all black, and there was absolutely nothing that would upset her in anyway. She was very fat because she had a thyroid issue and Wes kept feeding her sandwiches and KFC. We often had to shave her in the summer because it was too hot for her, and she looked like a gray ridiculous potato. Thankfully dogs don't know what they look like – otherwise she might have been a bit embarrassed.

The kitten that David managed to catch was a stray male cat. I asked if I could keep it and my father said yes. I had had a kitten the year before. But that neighbor dad drunk had caught her and sent her to the pound because he didn't want her to grow up and beat his outdoor cat up, Tux, whom he had declawed. Her name had been Frances, and to this day I am slightly furious. I had a collar on her and everything. You can't just go taking people's cats to the pound. Anyway, this new kitten I named Nim, after Nimue from Arthurian Legend. I believe it was Merlin's lover, if my memory serves me well. But then we found out a month later that Nimue was a boy, so I shortened it to Nim. It was nice to have a kitten to take care of.

Nim eventually grew to be very aggressive though. He went wild and ripped into me one day with the intent to kill me. My mother came over to pick up once, and he bit her so hard she needed stitches. He was nobody's favorite cat. And he had pica, which sounds cute but is actually a disease that causes cats to eat stuff they aren't supposed to neurotically. The delight in question was my little sister Allison's sausage curl locks. Never anyone else's hair, only hers. While she slept, he would creep up to her face and begin eating her curly black hair. She would wake up in the night with half of her hair literally wet with his saliva and chew up. It was aggressive and simultaneously like he was nursing I noticed as I watched him in horror a few times. Allison's whole face would be covered in Nim's drool and it smelled. We slept in the same bed, so eventually I stayed up and waited for him to guard her against such intrusions. I would take him and throw him off her, and he would immediately run manically back up to her head and begin chewing aggressively whilst looking me dead in the eye, and I would throw him off. It became a war where I blocked him as he attempted obsessively to get to her hair. Eventually, he sort of gave up, but I had to keep waking up occasionally to make sure he wasn't up to trouble.

PART 77 - https://tinyurl.com/yc8bathg

PART 76 - https://tinyurl.com/y95kx2bo

PART 75 - https://tinyurl.com/y9afl9of

PART 74 - https://tinyurl.com/ydfkomx9

PART 73 - https://tinyurl.com/y6vy2jeu

PART 72 - https://tinyurl.com/yaegqs9x

PART 71 - https://tinyurl.com/y6v3ln9a

My Life Story in Chapters, PARTS 1-70 (this link below will lead you to a list of all the chapters i have written thus far).

http://aleatoryalarmalligator.tumblr.com/post/168782771574/life-story-sections-1-70

#text #writing #life story

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