#fuck. im tired all the time and sad and

[dockaspbrak]

Bekfjfkfnfhf

#man im so tired. #my planner is just chock a block with shit to do and people keep. asking what im doing and going oh god thats a lot #like. i feel like last time i took 12 credits everyone was saying theyre taking 16 #but i take 16 and an internship and everyones really piling on what i already know is a lot #fuck. im tired all the time and sad and #you know when youre overwhelmed and a coma sounds nice? #hhhh plus i think like pmdd is acting up bc im so .... emotional. cringe. i wish i didnt have my stupid advanced pms bullshit #i wish i could yakno...... go into a cabin and not come out #i always think of a like from one of those famous poet ladies on here #where she says sometimes i will be distant and cold and you will not be able to reach me #i dont even remember her name ugh god #i also think i didnt cancel my met opera thing #😰☠️ #at least i could watch the queen of spaced while i do shit but. also. probably not bc id probably need to pay attention #but ......... i really will only b there for dmitri ? #but no ill get sucked into the plot #i love tragedies like that. hubris and greed drive you to tragedy #nrjfnfofnfn it just is so lonely but i just have to wait it out #object permance issues really suck. i should mark this on my planner so i can quantify predictions for how long this will last #hehfjfjfjf #also like i met w a girl last night and she was so extroverted. i was hopeful she might want to be friends but #wow did i ever feel incompetent socially #i just. could hear the boring shit i said. and like. I REMEMBER I USED TO HE FUNNY #i just am worse at masking now i guess #out of practice. and this bullshit emotional trouble from my horrible malfunctioning brain #ugh sorry if you read this thanks though dubfjfn #personal

[brother-emperors]

something. about. the horror of being sent on an impossible (death) quest and obligations and hospitality politics. the trauma of not having a home, and then the trauma of being in a house that becomes actively hostile to you, one that would swallow you whole and spit out your bones if you step out of line. all of this is conditional, your existence continues to be something men want gone.

it's about going back as far as I can with the perseus narrative because there's always a version of a myth that exists behind the one that survives. the missing pieces are clearly defined, but the oldest recorded version of it isn't there! and there's probably something older before that!! but it's doomed to forever be an unfilled space, clearly defined by an outline of something that was there and continues to be there in it's absence.

and love. it's also about love. even when you had nothing, you had love.

on the opposite side of the spectrum, this is Not About Ovid Or Roman-Renaissance Reception, Depictions And Discourses On The Perseus Narrative.

edit: to add to the above, while it's not about Ovid, because I'm specifically trying to peel things back to the oldest version of this story, Ovid is fine. alterations on the Perseus myth that give more attention Medusa predate Ovid by several centuries. this comic is also not about those, either! there are many versions of this story from the ancient world. there is not one singular True or Better version, they're all saying something.

Perseus, Daniel Ogden

Anthology of Classical Myth: Primary Sources in Translation, edited & translated by Stephen M Trzaskoma, R. Scott Smith, Stephen Brunet

#it's all greek to me #perseus #danae #komiks tag #long post #every other week i start to say something about how greek heroes are a good case study in diaspora and exile trauma #but man perseus makes me so sad. so does danae. she loves her son :( #perseus turning a whole island to stone is a huge mood. i would also do that if i were him #anyway (salutes) take care everyone i gotta watch yunho's new video it looks like a fucking movie im so excited #(i singled out ovid bc i remember the fucking shit perseus discourse that ran through this site. i remember #im preemptively loading a gun and pointing at it before it can touch this post #it hasn't died out either i see it on twitter all the time in the most ANNOYING ways possible i am TIRED #esp bc they're actually doing medusa a narrative disservice like congrats! you made it worse! stop telling me it's better!!!!)

[dailypokemoncrochet]

There's just something so ?¿? about how I'm only able to actively work on this project when I'm at objectively the lowest points of my life (deepest depression, lonely, unemployed, no income, lot of time) and only because I have family that I can be wholly financially dependent on. All of the work I've done is cool and an accomplishment but also nearly the entire time spent on it I've felt like a failure because I can't do anything else.

But when I'm working full time and even when I love my job and coworkers, I am so tired I can't do any art or anything after work, and then I seemingly out of nowhere have a meltdown and quit. Idk. Something here about needing art to live but not being able to live off making art and the disparate ways art is tied to survival

#text #depression has been here the whole time but making itself Known atm #im so tired and sad and wish i didnt have to be this way #i wish i could separate the guilt of everything else from making my crochets #but the circumstances that let me crochet to this extent. come with massive amounts of guilt. and its just all bad. #society wasnt made for people like me. and that sucks. #i quit my last job because they changed my seat. thats the stupidest fucking thing. but my brain could not get over it and #also i never wanted to work for [company] and management wouldnt accommodate me without medical documentation and so i just quit #and im back making my art. (positive) (negative) (?¿¿)

[theb0nesofmymind]

Well ya girl is officially not talking to anyone anymore and has given up so if u need me I will be crying in a dark hole somewhere ok thx.

#after I’m done being sad it’s time to turn all the love I was trying to give to someone to myself #it’ll be time to show myself the love I deserve #IM RLLY FUCKING TIRED OF HAVING TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF THOUGH

[ra-vio]

semester is almost over. im dying

#my oc #rune #mori #i have a project due tomorrow and its finally scared me back into drawing #even though i should be working on this project but im SO SO SO TIRED #i went on an outing like 2 weeks ago the same week that i walked everywhere cause i was desperately #trying to get my taxes done but thats a different story but the point is i was walking a lot and i went on an outing where i stood all day #and then i had to go to class the very next day thinking i was fine but i wasnt. #and that same day after i walked across the city because i absolutely had to pick a thing up. i think the same week i met up with my mom #a couple of times but i was walking the whole way there. my point is that for 2 weeks straight i have been rigorously walking everywhere #and on my feet all the time with little breaks in between and my feet fucking hurt man #i need this semester to be OVER i need to sleep for a MONTH #but i cant because i have to scrape together SOME of this project and finals are next week #this class this project is for fucking sucks. all semester ive been teetering the line between pass and fail #and its not even my fucking fault. im so burnt out so i dont want to do this project. but i might fail if i dont #i need to at least demo it but i have like. one thing done and i dunno what to tell my TA about i #how do i tell my TA and prof that everything is too much for me so i absolutely could work on this project #my laptop is broken so im afraid to use it. the server kept going down last month so i was afraid to use that #so many stupid little things keep piling up and i'd sound really weird trying to explain why i cant do my work #because my desk is on the floor and it makes me really sad so no i cant do my hw. my fave candy has red40 in it so i had to stop eating it #but now i cant do my work because i was using it to help me focus on my hw. LIFE SUCKS BRO #anyway whatever happens. i cant wait to play video games again

[radmista]

Sowing seeds of discontent and disharmony by hanging up on my parents birthday phone call the second my mom asked if I gained weight. Hope that sits badly on their minds while they think about how that's the first call I've engaged with them in 2 months and it was for the dogs birthday. Dad scrambling to text me for my mom that she didn't mean it. Like fuck I told her I've been having a rough month and day. She couldn't keep it to herself that badly. Fucks sake

#was already not in a great place mentally but i entertained the call and was actually feeling okay talking to them giving them an update #she just hits me with that. and I'm not normally sensitive about my weight even when my mom harped on me for gaining some a few years back #i genuinely normally don't care bc I'm happy with myself. but i know ive lost weight because I've been on icu and we don't have time to eat #im so fucking mad and im even more mad I'm crying about it #bc what the fuck #i was actually feeling like momentarily safe talking to them and being vulnerable about working on my next life stages #and she just ruined the call. i wanted to talk to my mom and dad more. i do miss talking to them about some things. #i was happy to get to see my family all together even if it was for the dogs birthday. and people were smiling and shit #and ik theyre gonna say i ruined it by being sensitive but jfc #it was literally the 2nd thing my mom said to me on the call after we sang happy birthday #why couldn't she just shut up. why couldn't she have said anything else. why did i let it bother me so much i hung up #I'm just fucking tired and sad and now feeling even lonlier than ever #i just wanted a nice moment with my family god fucking damn is that too hard to ask for #and im even more angry and sad now that i cant call them back bc my mom will get on me about smth else we were previously talking about #that phone call was supposed to be a neutral zone just for the birthday song. and i was going to ride it out but fucking hell #why didnt i just put up with it so i could have talked to my family #and no calling them back isnt an option. they haven't apologized and it would be an un neutral call #which gives them space to harass me about work and shit

[natjennie]

sorry i havent been very active lately I've been having a real shit couple days idk why

#ive been like right on the verge of a breakdown all day today #and i can feel it coming. the tears are IN my eyes. #it's just. everything is so hard. #it can't be this hard all the time for everyone right? #because if it is and everyone is just being normal and doing fine and coping and being an adult about it #then that makes me a failure. #and i dont know what im supposed to do with that. #its also so fucking hard to see something you might want for yourself #and be inundated with the weight of all the barriers #and all the ways that you'll never get there #all the reasons it wont work. everything just feels so difficult #like EVERYTHING everything everything is minimum 10 steps and it never fucking ends #idk why im feeling so bad like ive been taking my medicine ive been trying really hard to eat and drink and take them #like no matter what i do im always in pain and tired and sad and frustrated #and it never fucking stops #anyway sorry #venting #vent post

[strangerhands]

mmmmm heyyy👁️. ive basically been gone from tumblr for over two days because ive been feeling like a shitty piece of shit. BUT. i finally saw dune part 2 and ohmygoddddd it was so so good. but yes. i was missing leto so bad the entire time. Father come back pls. i need you.

#it was so good tho #like so cool i was internally freaking out about how cool things looked #the fight scenes🤌 #the environments/settings🤌 #all of the fuckin machinery🤌 #the acting🤌 #the everything🤌 #yum #also i dont find austin butler attractive but funnily enough feyd was the only time ive found him hot😭 yes i have issues. but like. okayyy.. #i watched it alone and i wish doing things alone wasnt seen as such a weird or sad thing like. theres nothing wrong with it #sorta vent-> #but basically ive been feeling like an annoying piece of shit so ive been staying off of here for the most part #because ive been convincing myself no one likes me and everyone in my life would be better off without me😝😝 #just tee bee ehch #and idk i was just feeling like ass and was doing nothing and when i finally would go to use tumblr i was already too tired to do shit #so i just went to sleep #and i was busy today #yesterday* #and ill probably be a bit busy today too but idk maybe hopefully ill catch up a bit #idk ya boys just been hating himself like usual but not as usual bc it was worse but it is what it is #i felt a bit better yesterday though #and also my new antidepressants ive been on havent been doing shit for me so im going back to a previous one i used to be on so yea #hopefully that helps soonish idk #i never vent on here so i feel kinda bad for doing so but i just wanted to puke my thoughts here #also since im already here complaining ive just like. not written at allllllll basically like i got into my head and made myself discouraged #so. that sucks. but also nothing out of the ordinary there #why does Everything i say sound so embarrassingly depressing and pathetic hhhhhhhgggggggggggggghhhghghg #anyways yea i was doing bad im still not doing good but hopefully will be a bit better so ill be back and caught up later today or tomorrow #idk if anyone gave a fuck or noticed but i just like complaining into the void so yea #talkin shit

[paradimeart]

Since you mostly draw TFA, idk about you but when I started watching TFA I never expected this wet cat college student version of Optimus to become my favourite Optimus. I just think he's a really cool interpretation of the character and I wish he was my dad tbh

SAME HES MY FAVORITE <3333 i grew up watching tfa but admittedly barely remembered any of it except for bee megatron prowl and blackarachnia b/c those were the ones i had toys of, i still have blackarachnia.. sadly the rest were lost in the Incident.......... i like tfa optimus a lot in part b/c how he contrasts w other versions of him (if ur wondering the other series ive seen is most of g1, beast wars, cyberverse, the bumblebee movie, earthspark and big chunks of tfp from when my dad was watching a couple years ago). i'd decided to watch tfa on a nostalgia fueled whim and went Whoa this is fucking Goord and well. now i have a nendoroid optimus prime and i've got legacy override and twitch on the way. but back to tfa op hes very fun to contrast w other versions bc hes just SO different. and hes like the last version of optimus that had a real personality ^_^ but the biggest thing i like abt tfa op is that hes just some fucking guy. he gets angry. he yells at people. the writers werent afraid of making him fall flat on his face. hes impulsive. hes a little crazy. hes a total bitch. hes petty. he has two of the worst exes possible. he talks stiff and formally around humans other than the sumdacs and i think its really cute. he told sentinel to shove it up his ass. when he gets really mad his fucking engine revs. hes perfect. he sucks. hes done nothing wrong. he is a chronic fuck up. hes a little bootlicker. he has a hero complex while also thinking of himself as a total loser. he died for 75 seconds once.

#i love tfp op btw i think he sucks but hes just so fucking sad and tired all the time i can forgive him for being a my epic nothing grandpa. #cv op got a little sliver of personality in season 2 but well. then it was hot rods turn WHICH IS FINE I LOVE CV HOT ROD #movie optimus is.......................................................whatever. killing machine thats kind of slutty #havent seen rid01 or the unicron trilogy tho im planning to but i love garry chalktimus bc hes insane from the clips ive seen of energon #and also of course primal. is insane. things just keep happening to that poor gorilla

[soldier-poet-king]

I slept nearly 11 hours and I'm STILL upset and angry, and further upset and angry with myself for letting it get to me, and it's just >:(

#franposting #its ok. i had a coffee. am reading Naruto. #going to mass soon (woo slacker sleep in mass time) #gonna work on my cross stitch this afternoon #do some meal prep. either make some pasta salad or maybe a zucchini skillet #maybe some homemade mac and cheese bc im sad #idk cook smthn #then ofc play more bg3 #and ignore my stupid dumb mean family #my mothers displeasure is more known today #and its like. i literally was talking about how shes become kinder this week. wrt queer ppl on tv #and then. the irony of it all. everything is fine as long as its not me ig #shout out to my father who has soooo many problems but is at least being good abt this #but. yeah. im. upsetti #but also already dreaming of fillin in the half sleeve. i need sunflowers and dandelions. hellebore and lilies. bees!!! #all those hopeful lovely things for my soul #im also gonna get another helix piercing i think. in the opposite ear. more of a cuff style #its just. fuck it. im tired of squishing myself into a lil box for literally no reason #no moral reason no social reason just shitty fear and family

[thegeekyartist]

I haven't napped this much since I was on antidepressants

#im so exhausted #im sad and anxious and my stomach feels like its on fire rn #i got abnormal blood test results on Friday right when all the offices closed #after going to the hospital that morning for OTHER test results that were extremely concerning #(only to find out THOSE results were a mistake) #and ive spent all weekend working myself into a spiral over these fucking results #and i wont even know what they mean until tomorrow at the earliest #and im so tired of getting bloodwork done 😞 ive gone like 3 times in a week and a half #and all of this extea testing isnt even WHY i went to the doctor in the first place!!! #so even after i figure out this shit i STILL have to get a colonoscopy next week 🙃 #i just want to feel better 😞

[brightokyolights]

...

#i am only typing this because im tired and feeling more loosey goosey than i usually would i guess #but ive just been debating something for a while now #so basically i used to just openly talk about like. everything on this blog but then due to a multitude of reasons #i stopped posting about certain things 1. because irl people found my blog and probably still could if they Really tried #2. because i didnt want to post about certain things and have absolutely anyone know shit about me #like as much as it can feel like a cosy wee community. just me and my mutuals <3 etc. its like. actually the fucking internet djdbdjdhdhjdh #anyways whats prompting me to type all this is that i used to post kinda negative stuff on here i guess you could say. like just my feelings #and shit. but i stopped because i want this to be a positive blog and i do feel like you can manifest shit you know? if i constantly reblog #posts where im like “i feel worthless and i am a piece of shit” that isnt helping anything you know? i think what really hammered it home #for me is when i saw a mutual rb something from me like that and it made me so sad tbh. because like. no youre not. youre amazing and ily #you know? anyways. overall i think it has been a decision for the best and i enjoy that my blog has become a more positive space. but i #do sometimes just feel like im kind of going the opposite direction where i act a certain way when im really just. feeling crap. #like all the time. idk maybe tumblr isnt the place for it but it used to be my outlet you know? and i have other things like my diary and #art and even a sideblog lmao. but i guess i do just mourn my whole self not being on this blog. idk what im trying to say by all this #is it this deep? am i thinking about this way too much lmao. idk. idk. #le text post

[finneyblakes]

man something about the way bruce speaks as a ghost fucking DESTROYS me. he sounds significantly more flat, more subdued, more gone than any of the others, even those who’d been there longer than him. he speaks so monotonously, his inflection hardly ever changes and when it does it really isn’t by much. he repeats himself more frequently, takes long pauses between sentences, like he’s struggling to even finish a thought. he doesn’t show up on screen, which of course is mostly a choice made for pacing and such, but it still says something about how we’re supposed to interpret his character postmortem i think.

and it’s not like this is all just a side effect of the whole death thing. the others who’d been there longer didn’t develop the same mannerisms to the degree that he did, if not complete opposite ones. there was something specifically about bruce — in his personality, his trauma response, his experience, maybe even the specific cause or circumstance of his death — that caused it. that detached, almost spacey way of speaking and thinking is unique to him.

of course i think that’s all intentional to really fuck with the audience by making the nice popular boy with a generally sunny disposition near completely stripped of all that energy and vibrance after having been through some of the the worst things that can happen to a child and FUCK YOU IT WORKED

#sorry im so tired and rambling but. God #i am so sad i am fucking UPSET #this makes the way he perks up at being reminded of his own name hurt A LOT MORE #it was one of the VERY few times he seems to have any real emotion in his voice #and it was because he had a name. he WAS someone and someone REMEMBERED him and and andddd #HE JUST WANTED TO BE REMEMBERED HE WANTED TO BE HIMSELF AGAIN #dont touch me #im putting this in the tag so you all suffer with me GOODNIGHT #the black phone #bruce yamada #text #mine

[finnpeach]

Home - Vash

hm are any of us surprised i churned this out at 1 am because i binged this show and couldn’t sleep? no? me neither

Anyway, *SPOILERS* ahead for Trigun Stampede (I’d say if you’ve seen episode 8 you’re safe), but nothing too crazy. This takes place in one of the random 150 years of Vash’s adventures. Enjoy Vash finding out he’s allergic to lavender and being the best boy ☺️

Also, sorry if some of these characters don’t act very canon. I’ve only seen Trigun Stampede and not the original or the manga and thus am kinda guesstimating how these characters would act in this scenario

Vash hasn’t visited Home in nearly twenty years. Even though time doesn't really have any meaning to him, it does to the people he cares about, so he can’t help but feel a little guilty as he approaches the ship. He knows he should come by more often to visit, and that Brad and Luida and the rest of the Home team would love to see him, but he can’t help but feel like a burden every time he does.

His cybernetic arm is hanging by little more than a thread, torn apart in a recent brawl over yet another plant that he’d only narrowly managed save. He’s exhausted. His arm hangs uselessly at his side, only jolting with the occasional shocking twitch.

To his luck, Brad and Luida are out of cryosleep and both wrap him up in a warm embrace as he walks through the ship’s doors, nearly sweeping him off his feet.

“Vash!” They both cry. Warmth spreads through Vash’s chest as Brad ruffles his hair and Luida buries her face in his shoulder. He remembers the days when he used to look up at them as a child, but now he towers over them.

“How have you been? Are you all right? We were hoping to see you this time when we woke up,” Luida says. She looks older, maybe in her late 40s now, and Brad looks about the same. Their hair is beginning to become streaked with white, and deep wrinkles have already set across their faces. It’s part of the reason he hates coming back here, to see them getting older while he stays eternally young.

“I’m okay, I missed you both. Have you been well?” Even though his arm is killing him, he doesn’t want to bring it up yet. He’s too wrapped up in the feeling of being welcomed home and seeing friendly faces, seeing the pride and affection and love in their eyes. If only he could bottle up this feeling and take it with him.

“Yes, we’ve been— Christ, Vash, what’ve you done to your arm this time?” Brad finally takes notice when a spark of electricity spikes off his arm. He gently picks up the appendage, turning it over in his hands with a practised grace.

“Ah-ha, well, about that…” He grins sheepishly, cheeks burning red as he scratches the back of his head. “I saved the hand this time, though!”

Brad rolls his eyes and starts walking towards his room, waving him along. “C’mon, I’ve got my tools in your room, as usual. Luida, we’ll be done in time for dinner.”

“Don’t take too long! I want to catch up with Vash too!” Luida calls after them. Vash turns to give her a beaming smile and a wave goodbye before following Brad down the hall.

It feels so good to be Home.

A couple of hours later and lots of admonishing from Brad, Vash’s arm is beginning to regain feeling again.

“You should go out into the garden and see the new flora that Luida has been working on,” Brad tells him as he’s bent over his forearm. He’s just putting on the last of the stabilising touches to make it “Vash-proof”, as he calls it.

“There’s this new one called lavender. It’s got a long, thin stem and purple bunches of petals at the top. The humans on Earth used to use it for its calming effects. Smells great too. Go check it out, but make sure you’re back in time for dinner.”

One more flourish with welding tool, and he’s done. Brad pushes himself out of the chair, swiping his palms together. “And take better care of that arm!”

Vash chuckles, flexing his left hand. The joints feel better already. “Thank you, Brad. I’ll go take a look.”

He slides into his coat and follows Brad out of the room before making his own way down to the garden. The path is so familiar to him, he could do it with his eyes closed.

The garden looks gorgeous as it always has. It’s sunset now, creating a golden, rose-tinted shadow across the flora. He walks down the stone path, taking note of the new blue flora popping up, a new tree that's grown, before he finds the lavender that Brad had been speaking about.

Huh, Vash hadn’t expected it to look like that. It looks more like a bush or a tumbleweed than an actual flower. He bends down to get a closer look.

The purple petals are so stunning that he almost doesn’t notice the itch blossoming in his nose. He reaches his hand out to touch the stem, then feels the soft petals with the pad of his finger. Ah, that’s the scent that Brad mentioned. He loves it. It smells light and clean.

He rubs at his nose as he bends closer to the plant. He doesn’t dare break off a stem to get it closer to his face, so instead he crouches into a squat to lean forward and smell it.

It does feel calming. Vash can see why the humans on Earth liked it so much. Craving more, he inhales deeply through his nose just as the itch becomes too much to bear—

“Hih’iTSHhh! Hh.. H’TSCHhh!” The two sneezes catch him by surprise. He has to catch himself on the ground to avoid losing his balance.

Shaking his head, he sniffles and paws at his nose, which is beginning to take on a pink flush. How strange, he thinks. Must be something in the air. Usually only dust and the desert sand makes him sneeze, but there’s none of that in here.

He wants to sniff the lavender again and reaches out to feel the petals, but the itch has buried itself deeper in his nose. His breath catches in his chest, his aquamarine eyes slipping shut as his lips draw back over his teeth—

“H’TSH’itsch! Hh.. hihh— h’ITSCHhh’ue! Hh’eHTSSHhh’iu!” The last sneeze is so forceful that it makes him lose his balance. He falls back on his ass and tumbles flat on his back. His glasses are askew on his pink, irritated nose. Allergic tears fill his eyes as he stares up at the rose sunset sky.

Can he be allergic to flora? Or perhaps it’s this one in particular? He’s never had such a reaction to flora before, even in Rem’s garden.

Vash sniffles and rubs at his nose, which has now started to run. Instead of abating the itch, it only serves to set him off again— “H’ITSHhhiew! Haah.. heh-hh! H’ihdTSShh!”

It must be the lavender that's causing this. He can’t help but feel a bit sad, because he had really liked the scent of the lavender. Maybe Luida will have some medicine to offset the symptoms.

He lays there on the ground for a while, staring up at the sky, feeling a swirl of melancholy and happiness in his chest. Those two emotions seem to be the familiar, funny feeling that he always carries with him, even when he's back on the ship.

He stays there, sneezing occasionally and sniffling, until Luida calls for him for dinner. She chides at him for laying on the ground and says he’ll catch a cold like that, which makes him grin. He lets her shoo him inside and down the corridor towards the dining hall. Vash can’t help but revel in the tenderness he feels at her gentle reprimands, the way she fixes his hair or dusts off his coat or gives him one last hug before they enter the dining hall, because it all feels like Home.

#how many times did you watch the clips of vash sneezing to get inspiration Finn? yes #I hope this is good but if it isn't well. this is all I got #im so tired lmfao but I wanted to do this bc if I do a fic like this when i' #when I'm fresh and not tired then it'll be too Long and we all know how I like to ramble in fics. this is the shortest fic I've ever #written and it feels wrong #anyway #my writing #snzfic #I hope I captured vash's sweetness but also his undeniable sadness bc that's what I fucking feel after finishing the show #can a plant be allergic to a plant? Idk! but he is! #I mean like lavender barely counts and anyway its so specific and fragrant that I figured why not right #I kinda feel like vash would like being allergic tho bc it means like.... idk I have this theory that he wants to be human in some way #or like wants to be more connected to humans #so being allergic to flowers would make him happy bc it means he'd be more alike humans if that makes sense? but idk I don't want to push #a million theories into a snzfic im just here for a good time #if I open this tomorrow morning and reread it and think it sucks im going to die #enjoy the one allergy fic I post a decade guys

[bunnighost]

#i miss her so much #she's getting older and more and more tired and sick #both my mom and i feels like she's started giving up #and you can really tell #she aged so much so quickly. it was like she just didnt have it in her anymore and now it's accalerating #we havent visited her that much both bc we've been sick and dont wanna make her sick #but also bc my mom and she has a very strained relationship and it makes my mom tired #but now when it just feels like we dont have much time left and she's gonna leave us soon #i just feel so fucking sad #both bc of circumstances and my mom having had a difficult and complicated childhood and in turn it's been a bit strained with all of us #but also bc i have avpd and connecting even to my relatives is hard for me.. #im not really that close to her. and now she's dying so i never will be #im just thinking so much abt how life didnt turn out the way i wanted it to. and that i never got to know her as much as i wanted to #and how connected we all are. daughter. mother. grandmother. generations. #i wish it all had been different. i wish it so much. #im so scared and worried bc i feel like it could happen any time now. i dont wanna lose her i just dont

[alligaytorswamp]

Im kind of feeling like i can't take it anymore

#vent #bad sad sleep-deprived and mentally ill #i am currently crying myself to sleep just fucking sobbing because everything hurts #my brain is failing me my body us failing me #i dont know what to do with myself #so many things are happening so many things hurt and i have no body to talk to #i have never felt so utterly alone #i hate myself for even writing this because i feel so pathetic and as if im just whining for attention #because i probably am #some lame ass cry for help because i really don't know how to function at this point #truly i am just so fucking alone #and there is just so much that is happening and i cant share it with anyone so it just all stays in my stupid brain and #probably makes me more mentally ill or smth #and for however long all i do is keep myself from crying during the day bc i cant let my family catch me having mental breakdowns #yet i have all of these painful thoughts that are plaguing my mind all the fucking time #i am just so so tired #and i keep thinking about death and it's so fucking scary #i just wish i wasn't myself and i had a different brain i could be better than this because maybe then i would be fine #at home im in toxic hell #in online spaces i have no one actually close to me #in my brain i have horrible thoughts and hardcore daydreaming distactions that dont fix anything #in my course i think im not doing well enough and im scare dthat my the end of it im still going to be a useless unemployed moron #on my silly blog i think if i dont make content i have no value and ehatever i make is not even that good or interesting #so i better cover it up with quantity but i dont have time or ability to do so #which again makes me into a fucking Nothing #god my head hurts so much #that's what u get for wailing at 4 am #anyways i am doing horrible and i can't take it anymore truly reaching my fucking limit #all my fault tho so ☺ #delete later and if someone actually reads it Um sorry for this i am hashtag unwell 😋💫