#friends I am very fucking scared

[the-clone-father]

Just popping in from my hiatus to throw this little guy out there. I am scared for todays eps so I want to share my delusion with y’all where tech is in fact fine and lives with me in plush form along with crosshair and soon to be the rest of the batch

I wish all of us good luck in the coming hours, and I pray that we all survive intact

#friends I am very fucking scared #plush #plushie #sewing #sew #crafts #craft #handmade #handsewn #fanart #fanplush #starwars #Star wars #star wars the bad batch #tbb #the clone wars #the bad batch #sw tbb #tbb season 3 #tbb tech #bad batch tech #clone force 99

[queenerdloser]

i just finished dark heir

#me foaming at the mouth during the last chapters: HE IS! FUCKING! SAVING YOU! #i am huddled around will kempen hissing like a mama cat none of these fuckers are allowed to look at him #dark rise #okay but like. cyrian at literally every moment in the book you see will anticipating things and making connections #that you never make. doing things like a leader & being fucking smart and strategic. and your dumb ass really thought. #hm. must mean i shouldnt listen to him about the magic staff that can literally stop the end of the world. must be evil. #me: [screams into the abyss] #i know i cant expect characters to react like readers and they DID all react like i knew they would but god it was so infuriating!!!!! #and heart breaking! god!!!! god!!!!! will reliving his mother's initial betrayal over and over and OVER again #and thinking about all the little moments we get where the novel tells us: if these 'evil' characters had just been accepted #instead of tossed aside maybe they wouldnt have fallen. if they had been protected instead of killed maybe they would have #become protectors instead of killers. maybe if will's mom hadn't tried to butcher him for the sin of his own birth #he wouldn't have been so scared to tell people he lied to them. #anyway im not normal about will kempen and if book 3 doesnt give me his friends fucking accepting him i'll kill someone #me looking directly at visander: i dont care how charming you are i'll murder your ass about it #i read this book in like 5 hrs im being very normal about it

[moenmomentsthemoe-en]

#tomorrow..................... #delete later #vent #more vent in tags (it gets heavy sorry) #it is like 4am and ik theres a rule that you should never trust what you feel about your life after 3am but i feel like this 24/7 WAHA #mann i #im so fucking scared that im not a good person or friend or anything im trying so hard #i dont know why i feel hurt by things i shouldnt feel hurt by and i dont know why i keep failing to do the things i want to do or #god it probably isnt right for me to vent. i think? i dont know honestly i dont know anything #i dont know anything #i have such amazing friends and people around me theyre good people #im so tired and am so very tempted to just delete this blog delete my socials and disappear off earth or just live as a husk by ignoring al #my emotions and incapabilities and stop bothering everyone #everything is so so confusing and everything has gone to shit around me but the people around me arent at fault theyre good people #it has to be that im not trying hard enough #god i have no idea if im a good person. i dont know if a good person has this much trouble and dumbassery #i am. an adult. 18. adult. i have to be #god i wish i could have an adult to help me out but its just. its just me. its a problem i made and surely only i can figure it out

[angelzai]

having a very rough time and i just want kisses and cuddles from dazai

#tw vent #relapsed last night and i just feel so so so fucking terrible #i am safe and okay #just #so stressed about everything i have to do between now and the end of the semester #sad about my life changing constantly #love my friends so much and i’m scared for our relationships to change #trying very hard to be excited and happy but i have so much anxiety #reid speaks.ᐟ

[devilsskettle]

i wasn’t as unsettled by skinamarink as i’ve seen other people say they were, especially while in the theater, but then like two days later when i had to go down to the basement to do laundry it was like. oh no. here comes the Dread

#just feeling like there was a presence and being scared that when i turned around there would be a face lol #i was already kind of going through a ghost thing though but this movie definitely contributed to it #it was very hard to watch that last scene but as soon as the movie was over my friend and i burst out laughing #because what the fuck was that #but it also felt kind of like. laughing to break the tension also. i am not good at taking things seriously tbh #low key maybe it was a bit of adrenaline as well #i guess i still feel a bit ambivalent about the movie like it will never be one of my favorites probably but there's something to it #more than what i've seen some other people say #maybe more than my initial reaction also #skinamarink

[orcelito]

My druid has "fuckboy" written all over her

#speculation nation #shes a druid but she does Not look it. nor does she act like it really. #druid stuff exists to beef myself up as a front liner (spores druid ftw) #and to act as an excuse like 'whaaaat why r u so suspicious of me im a druid 🥺🥺🥺 i just want what's best for nature 🥺🥺🥺' #meanwhile here i am hogging ALL the worms we manage to find (or. well. most of them.) #bc im going full ham into my powers lol theyre so useful #this is a game of pressing Every button and seeing what happens. yet still going along the lines of good? approximately? #it very much does feel like the kind of thing a druid drow would do. willing to consort with the darkness #but still ultimately striving for peace and order. #i am just perhaps a little bug-brained to accomplish this :3 #ive been playing a Lot of bg3. progressing well through act 2. everything is so very scary and i am just 1 druid 🥺 #(i say as if i havent killed literally every single enemy ive come across. im so fucking good at this game.) #the house of healing was by far my least favorite part (so far). that boss battle was TERRIBLE but i managed to get through it. #according to my friends they just talked their way out of it. not me tho. i saw that guy strapped to the table and i was just like #'GET FUCKED BRO' *casts moonbeam* *proceeds to get the shit stabbed outta me* #holy shit he did so much damage. and he was focused ONLY ON ME....... #took me and shadowheart both healing to keep up with the damage he was doing (while astarion and karlach did most of the attacking) #but i did it! hes gone! but holy shit poking around his stuff has been so. eugh. #im in the towers now. so scary. just barely started them tho. gonna look for the prisoners and then proceed from there. #that ketheric dude is fucking terrifying. so big scared about him. but All Men Die The Same 😈 #.....well maybe not exactly the same given his 'immortality' thing 😂 but i'll figure it out. #anyways yea check out taltana im going for a mixed feminine and masculine kinda vibes with her. and enjoying it very much. #bg3 spoilers/

[hey-scully-itsme]

got a new coworker recently and she’s clearly used to offices where people talk about life outside work, which is very much not the vibe here. she’s developed a habit of occasionally coming into my workspace, pulling up a chair, and saying stuff like ‘I feel like I haven’t asked you how you’re doing in forever!’ and generally trying to force small talk and personal conversation in a way I haven’t seen before and thus don’t know what to do with. I’m on the verge of being very pointedly rude to her to get her to stop because she is not getting the hint.

#like yeah social conventions are weird bullshit and I can hardly fault her for missing my attempts at signaling disinterest #but like girl. leave me the fuck alone. stop cornering me in my workspace. i am a coworker not a friend. #she’s also in her 40s and there’s an air of anxious condescension that irritates me a bit irrationally #the kind of person you have to be very gentle with or they get scared #which is just a personal quirk and entirely fine! #i am just not good at handling that bc i was raised to be polite but direct and efficient #so it goes against my instincts which is a me problem

[scranbatteries]

my front bottoms cds came, infinity on high is 17 today*, good kid announced a new single, bad day for anyone who has to deal with me

*when i wrote this people in other time zones were saying it was the day but it came out on the 6th which is actually not the 5th Oops

#one of the tfb cds is self titled i have been desperate for self titled like foaming at the mouth like oh my god #and also going grey which like underrated as hell love that album #and then infinity on high is old ??? whats it done that for #good kid announcing a new single this soon after bubbly gk4 seems like its gonna come Fast and that scares me #i put a guitar pick in my phone case in front of the camera to see if it looked funny if i took a picture (it didnt) #and now when i hold my phone it feels uncomfortable #ALSO new ts album ??? #tortured poets ?? you know who else is a tortured poet ?? #PETE WENTZ happy ioh 17th #i think i stole the pete wentz thing from someone on twitter very sorry to someone on twitter #i could write in these tags for weeks and NOBODY could stop me #speaking of weeks do you know who else is a tortured poet #DALLON FUCKING WEEKES love that man #did you know . gloom division this month ????????????????? #i think #i am going to listen to csh now cos in the middle of maths earlier i got lost because my teacher made a train station analogy #and it reminded me of csh #and also i had the bit of beach life in death where its all 'the ocean washed over/open your grave' in my head just now #i have been called a furry by my friends on several occasions and i dont think this is helping much Oops #but have you LISTENED to csh damnn #OH YEAH yesterday i got a screw stuck in some lego cos i was like “hm wonder if the screw would fit in the lego” and it fit PERFECT #but its fine cos like i wasnt planning to use that lego brick anyway #or the screw #which i didnt even buy #i Kinda Accidentally Stole it #except someone pinned it on my hoodie one time #cos it was in a crocodile clip #i stole the crocodile clip on accident basically and theres a screw in the crocodile clip sometimes for SOME REASON #i dont know what its meant to do #sorry if you read all this lol i think theres a limit to how many tags you can have cos it cut off everything after.ran out of things anywa

[aloeverawyvren]

post 1: advice needed

this is gonna be long and I don't have a lot of time so part 2 will be up later to elaborate

i need advice on something very serious and important but I can't find the information or resources I need so I guess I'm going to throw this out here and see what happens

So, I'm 18. I can register to vote and plan to vote blue for obvious reasons however my family is extremely right wing (my mom watches Matt Walsh, my grandparents watch fox news all day, casually racist, homophobic, transphobic, etc)

I'm pretty sure voting records are public, if anyone looks up who I voted for, I'm not exaggerating, my life is basically over and i have no idea what to do.

It's hard to explain to people who don't experience my family through my eyes but my parents are extremely strict and have complete control over my life. I am completely reliant on them. They don't know I have tumblr and an alt email.

I have no where to go, my grandparents usually a safe space for me wouldn't be available either as I have no idea how they would react, they have always said they love me unconditionally but I have my doubts.

I would also have to bring my cats, especially the youngest one as that ones on thin ice with my mom, I can not drive and do not have a car, I have a learners permit but I'm not good at all, my dad is teaching me but he's very busy all the time. I have a total of 100$ in cash but no bank account. (Because I can't drive myself or get anyone to drive me)

I most likely would loose my phone, I have no idea how petty they would be, how much they would claim was theirs "because they bought it" they have done this before, and I have no idea if things would get psychical. I have no idea how I would move my stuff and I would like to move any sentimental stuff/books/jewelry before they find out.

Part 2 later I'm so shaky rn

#oh my fucking god #If I ask them to drive me to DMV just to register or do the thing that came in the mail it's probably gonna look suspicious #I'm not letting them put my cat outside #I can't go to my friend's house cuz his parents are the same way #We can't run away together either as they are in the same boat I am #I'm very scared ngl #My parents are very unpredictable idk how they'll react to anything anymore

[non-un-topo]

Spending hours trying to figure out why I feel so irritable and sensitive today and I’m only realizing now it might have something to do w being invited to a birthday party full of an entire family I’ve never met and like seven very small children and the person inviting me assuming I would love that. I want to support her bc I like her and she’s family now, but I cannot---I will not---go to another family event and be pushed into the kitchen doing dishes with the women or cooing over someone’s baby who just stares at me and whines when I try to mask and say hello.

#my period ended so it ain't that. #maybe i'm a horrible person. i just want to be left alone for seven solid days. and i certainly do not want to be forced- #-to interact with children. they scare me. real bad. #maybe this also has something to do with my readings for this week and the fact that we're going to be discussing 'womanhood'. #like the subject is 'what IS a woman to you?' and i am not really looking forward to listening to 15 cis girls tell me- #-how awful it is and how much pain they themselves endured while entirely not acknowledging the existence of trans women #or gnc women. #why am i so irritable jfc. #every time i talk like this to my partner they give me that look lol. the look that's like 'uh huh. i know a trans person when i see one.' #and i'm like shhhhhhh. no. don't say that. shhhh. i don't want to be. i hate myself okay and my family scared me out of it. #wish i could fucking shapeshift. wish i was just fucking born with a dick and a flat chest. actually i wish i was two people. #so i could decide from day-to-day and not have to worry about irreversible changes. #how much of my alleged transness is just internalized misogyny? <- this is a question i ask very very quietly to myself #because i think it's what my mother thinks. and most of the world. #how do i learn to be comfortable AS a masculine woman? i have no one to look up to who can teach me or show me it's okay. #i have transmasc friends who are elated to go on T. i'm scared that they will make me want to do it again. why tf am i scared of that... #irreversible changes. society. literally everything. fucking hell............ #no one talks about this particular experience of gender. no one talks about the in-between and the immense fear. at least no one to me. #why am i even taking gender studies in university if every class is full of cis women who don't even know the terminology of transness #or of gender-expansiveness... #i think i've become a very sour person in the last few years. #need to vent through writing or something. like through fanfiction.

[pepprs]

my anxiety is unbelievably fucking bad rn. i am so scared

#purrs #delete later #ask to tag #(​putting slashes thru things so that they don’t show up in search btw) #i have no right to be scared bc im not there. but im so scared for the people of ga/za. and i am so scared that… idk. it’s completely my #fault bc i go looking for these kinds of things on purpose to hurt myself. but i doomscrolled last night about ww/3 and the possibility of #nu/clear war being fueled by is/rael’s ‘war’ on pale/stine and not only am i sick with fear about the people living directly in that region #but i am so fucking scared of the possibility of nu/clear war. or like. any war breaking out in the us. which i know is a ridiculous self #centered thought to have but my anxiety is out of fucking control rn and it has been getting worse throughout the week. i just don’t know #how to wrap my head around the violence of this week. and so few je/wish ppl i know irl are antizi/onist and ppl just expect me to be #supportive of is/rael jsut bc im je/wish and it makes me fucking FURIOUS not only because i resent these horrors being committed to innocent #people in the name of my own people but it is so extremely dangerous to conflate j/udaism with zi/onism. the consequences diasporic je/ws #are goi ng to face are of course nowhere near as central or all-consumingly violent as the people in gaz/a and i feel personally safe enough #as someone who (and i know this is kind of a terrible thing to say) passes very easily as a go/y (esp w a mask on) and has a g/oy last name #but i am so fucking terrified of the antise/mitism getting worse here and have been exposing myself to evidence of it even though it is #extremely destructive to my mental health. but also i deeply resent the rhetoric around ‘reach out to your j/ewish friends they’re suffering #rn’ because…. we are not a monolith nor are we the direct victims in this situation and it just feels so uncomfortable and centering to make #it an issue of silence etc etc when… there are innocent ppl in g/aza who are experiencing terror no human being should ever have to endure #and most of them are children and they are the people who will ‘pay’ most directly and immediately and severely for what happened a week ago #i just feel so fucking on edge from this entire situation and unable to do anything to help when the destruction is imminent and this #nightmare of a country is at the core of so much suffering in this world and it will take centuries to undo it all and in the meantime so #many innocent people are going to die and maybe the entire world will be destroyed by nu/clear war which we are basically begging for at #this point. it’s so hard to function in my personal life when i am keenly aware of what could be happening at any moment #i don’t know how to end this post. im just fucking scared and there’s nothing i can do

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

SENDING MY FIRST ASK FROM THE NEW BLOG!!!! i feel like i am sending a letter from a new address... crazy. ANYWAY HOW R U TONIGHT!!!! i hope ur havin a good day!!!! kicking my feet like a teenager at a sleepover rn tell me abt ur day who r the blorbos in ur mind rn what kinda art r u workin on lately how's it going friend!!!

HIIIIIII HI HI . HELLO SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG- i mean catboy cellbit!!! . dude i am. dreading the coming week tbh but it is fine !! we will get thru it we will survive!!! i am so sleepytired but alas i also cannot sleep so i may just have another night of reading and music ahead of me . wah. i hope u are hsving a good night <3 IVE BEEN COMPLETELY ART NERFED TOO BTW. my laptop died on me a couple days ago and while i was able to find a new one affordably it will not be here until the 13th 😔 so no digital art from me for a while. sigh. i DID just decorate my new sketchbook with stickers tho so im hoping that will get my brain in gear for traditional art again. AS FOR BLORBOS. oh . u know. the usuals. vash the stampede. zacharie from off . masky marblehornets (also tim marblehornets) . to name three of them.

#who are ur blorbos rn. i dont watch qsmp i think sering ur posts abt it are really funny bc im like. guy walks into the room on fire gif. #i have no idea whats going on in here congratulations and/or my condolences <3 #thank u thank u i love the sleepover vibes. literally had gossip talk w one of my other friends earlier #(name withheld for reasons but if u see this u know who u are and i love u ) #so the vibes are so correct #i have 2 work tomorrow :( not looking forward 2 that. #however it IS my last day of my long term overnight job which means i will be able to sleep in my own bed tomoerow night. #this is something i have not done for like. close to a month now. whcih is why ive been sleeping so awfully! so hopefully that fixes me #also have. job interview on wednesday for another aquarium place.. #fingers crossed this goes better than my last one but also part of me is kind of hoping it doesnt go well #bc i hate transitional periods and i dont want 2 go thru the moving process again #and i dont want 2 meet a bunch of new ppl all at once again. and do the while job training thing. #alas that is the anxiety talkimg and i do actually want the job bc it would be good for me <3 #sorry it is late and im soooo fucking sleepy so im rambling !!!! do not feel like u have to respond to . gestures vaguely at all that #its blorbo talk time. i desperately want 2 warch more mh right now #however the house im.staying in IS in the middle of the woods and very isolated and i have been so scared and paranoid #so i am OUTTA LUCK sigh. i will simply watch smth silly instead like gg tmph or david attenborough or perhaps spongebob will b on the tv. #asks #friends!!! #false-anachronism #<< oh fuck new url!!! i got like halfway thru typing ur old one before i was like WAIT SHIT.

[alicethebard]

.

#vent post #you know how it goes #read or don't #respond or don't #this is mostly for me #though I am very happy for all of my irl friends and mutuals and such that are in stated relationships #I can't help but feel envious of them #because though I've talked to and gotten know and done various things with a bunch of people on here #I've had tons of great fun and my life is better for knowing and interacting with these people #I'm still single I guess #it's not even like I don't have people who maybe if I brought it up they would say yes or if they brought it up I would say yes #it's that if I'm the one who has to initiate it even if I think there is a higher than likely chance of it going well #I'm so scared to #I've been rejected unanimously throughout my life every single time I have tried to either start something up or make something official #and I don't know how many more times I can take that before I just give up on the idea #I am a hopeless romantic who has never had someone be willingly and explicitly romantic with me my entire life and sure 27 isn't the oldest #but still it fucks with a girl's head #i don't know #just venting #the optimist in me says I have plenty of time #the lonely bitch in me just wants someone who I'm interested in to say i love you and wrap their arms around me #and the anxiety gremlin in me needs to shut the fuck up before I get the spray bottle #idk #i should take my meds and eat something but im out of one of my meds #fuckin hell

[strwbrymlkshake]

I am trying so hard but it still isn't ENOUGH FOR YOU? DON'T YOU SEE HOW HARD I'VE BEEN TRYING?

#mine #normally i've been good about not being too upset over things #but oh fucking boy. okay. im glad people are scared of me #i hope they know that im the only right one in the whole world and they are wrong and are justified for fearing me and im glad my existence #will turn them off from sharing their wrong opinions. but oh FUCKING BOY? ive been sitting here the whole time like oh they hate me #oh they hate me so much they want me to die wahhh and im trying to do all the things they like because im for some reason fucking bothered #by their other opinions. even though the people themselves are useless trash #and oh. like i was suspecting it but its finally confirmed huh??? you all cant fucking stand the sight of me because im right? #you dont understand the truth?? they hated him because he told them the truth? thats me as fuck rn dude #i am literally gracing your eyes with the content i make and basically hand feeding you the correct opinions to have #and yet you still reject them! people just love being stupid unfortunately. i want to kill them all. #i would be so much nicer if you all just agreed with me on the objective truth but unfortunate you have to be stupid #i have graced you with so many GIFTS and protected you from my wrath so many times but you do not even give a fuck #WHY AM I CRYING. YOU ARE ALL SO USELESS WHY AM I CRYING!!! MAYBE ITS BECAUSE YOU DONT AGREE? #i guess im crying because they are all so stupid #so what im saying is its very unfortunate that everyone does not worship me and all my opinions and the world is very hard. yes. #friendship ended with self hatred now delusions of grandeur are my new best friend #even trhing to explain myself makes me sound like a shithead but i swear to fuck if you all just listened to me like youre supposed to #then absolutely nothing would ever go wrong! but you all had to be stupid on purpose! do you like being wrong? whats your problem #explaining all the reasons im RIGHT and yet i still feel bad for having the gall to do so. i shouldnt feel bad. im doing great. youre just #uncomfortable in the fact that YOURE wrong and making me have to accomodate you for your wrongness? tf is that about #okay lunatic rant over i have finished crying ☝️

[gorillaxyz]

im writing ☝️

#txt #what if we were friends and your wife and kids were away but you were so scared of goofy coming over to fuck up your alone time that you beg #me to stay over for the weekend just to combat the very high chance of everytging being ruined #and youre so paranoid goofy is going to fuck up your alone time you dont even want ro sleep alone so you get me to sleep in your bed with yo #u and youre sound asleep but im awake eyes wide open thinking about how close we are and how lucky i am to be your friend and how weird you #are and how warm you are and #<- definigelg not inspired by nearly every sleepover ive ever been to #um anyway #pipete

[just-rogi]

.

#like I’m sorry #I love my best friend so so so much and she’s perfect and kind and has gone above and beyond to be rational and to be there for me #and I get it she’s an autistic woman and has faced adversity and has had to go on medical leave and that’s hard #and I’m not being dismissive of her struggles #but it makes me so angry because her parents unconditionally love her and her siblings and have always made her feel that way #and has never worried about money as a kid #and yeah her relationship with her parents isn’t perfect of course #but she literally cannot understand domestic violence beyond just reading about it in a book #like she did everything she can to understand and relate #but sometimes I want to scream because I feel so alone #because no one in my life fucking understands why I’m the way I am #and I’ve been struggling the past two months really badly with coping #I’ve had to go to the doctor to ask about PTSD and not like the tik tok OWO kind #but the I was in a car crash as a kid with my dad as a drunk driver and I keep getting flashbacks in my daily life to being a small child #that are impacting by daily life and interactions #and like I feel so fucking alone #and to hear from my friends ‘your right this is horrible and toxic but lots of people go through this’ ISNT FUCKING HELPING #I don’t want to hear that it’s normal I want to feel fucking safe in my bedroom without my mother blowing up my phone or calling the cops #I am unwell and I’m so stressed and I’m so sick and I can’t cope with this and none of the therapists I’ve tried to find handle ptsd #especially not therapists of color #I’m angry and I’ve been getting worse over the past two months #and not that it matters but due to ^^^ reasons my birthday has always been insanely fucking bad for me #like depression watch bad. when I turned twenty I was vividly hallucinating while walking around campus for a week straight having #flashbacks in class and I had to be taken out of the auditorium because I was physically unwell and couldn’t stop crying and shaking #and I told my friend I didn’t want to celebrate I just wanted to sit on her couch and not be alone and she fucking ditched me #because an emergency with a different friend came up the night before #like I have a history of suicidal ideation traumatic flashbacks eating disorders and self harm and I’m asking you to be with me on a very #upsetting day and you call me the night before telling me we have to cancel because another friend is having a bigger crisis #and like you don’t even feel a little bad about it?? #I’m just upset and scared and I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow and I’m not in reality right now and that’s scary