#fix circadian things first

[kramlabs]

*tart cherry juice, melatonin, for search

#melatonin #sunlight #high animal low plant #mostly meat is what i eat #morning sun #pineal gland #fix circadian things first #more better mitochondria

[more-thoughts-than-money]

Born “gifted”; grown chronically depressed

// long, personal post. basically a tutorial on express therapy (and by express I mean 10 years of rationalising, learning psychology on myself and fictional characters + 48 hours of not sleeping)

When I was grieving I spent 48 hours sleepless

it’s not that I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been on insomnia medication for 3 years now. I just had to “have a reason” and time to actually acknowledge my emotion and thoughts which caused my body to struggle with setting a “proper” circadian rhythm

Living with a 5 person family in basically a studio flat for 13 years of my life low-key harmed my ability to think and “feel” without privy eyes

this accidentally sent my brain into survival mode where I could only “think rationally” at night

So when we moved out and I got to have a room of my own

that’s when *serious* sleep problems started

my brain would just REFUSE to shut the fuck up

first off I was used to tv noise while falling asleep

i fixed it up with some rain sounds or watching ATLA when I was feeling funky

it distracted me enough

still I wouldn’t fucking sleep.

because my brain didn’t feel like it

probably hyperactivity which I could never “treat” with sport as an asthmatic kid

also an outcast but it is what it is

unable to name the cause of my insomnia I would just head to sleep at 10pm. Two reasons for that:

a) you know what they say! Don’t trust your thoughts after 10PM

b) 8h of sleep is THE healthy amount. And it seems like my brain likes waking up early for whatever reason!

yeah also I went through a fair share of medication before they got it right

anyways whoops I’m depressed now. Very depressed and even more anxious. Day by day my brain is giving me more compulsive behaviours and thoughts! Yaaay!

so I went through a 3 years worth of antidepressants

also a lot of unintended research (thanks, tiktok.)

basically I “subconsciously” KNEW what my problem is but “consciously” my brain refused I acknowledge it because haha living in the state of constant survival mode is way more fun! right?

right?

basically it was like being a doctor and being pretty certain about the diagnosis but having to go to some other doctor to objectively either confirm or discard my diagnosis

yeah anyways I changed medication, SNRI, venlafaxine

known to help some adhd folk with severe vegetative depression for “no reason”

Yeah basically my new psychiatrist kept on upping the dose until I got “a kick in the ass” so we know it works

and then my aunt died.

wELL my workaholic and emotionally constipated child brain would NOT acknowledge it

hell you’d catch me dead before I’d admit that I felt shitty but didn’t know how to deal with that because at the same time I “saw it coming”

No one ever told me she’s sick

I just saw her hair loss (or rather a sudden haircut change and awkward silence that followed) and had some foggy memory of someone saying her sister died of cancer

Mind you I don’t fucking remember my childhood that well

hell I don’t remember it at all but it is what it is

I just “know” some things and some are more of a “hunch”

I have this information buried in my brain but I can’t recall how it got there, ykwim?

yeah basically I was suspecting she’s dying of cancer but I was trying to stay optimistic and told myself I’m “overthinking it”

and I thought the mourning was “good enough of a reason” to stay up for 48 hours, write down my “thoughts” and wail all day long (yes, everyone gave me shit for crying growing up, how did you know?)

anyways yeah I did this and suddenly I “solved” the root of ALL my anxieties and minor paranoias.

as if it was a fucking riddle. Or a fucking house MD episode.

I hope you can understand WHY I’m so livid.

I SPENT OVER 3 YEARS ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND MADE ONE THERAPIST CRY JUST BECAUSE MY BRAIN WENT SO FAR INTO THE SURVIVAL MODE EVERY TIME I INTERACTED WITH A HUMAN BEING. IM JUST FUCKING AUTISTIC AND TRAUMATISED NOT “ANXIOUS” AND “PARANOID”

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE

Also I’m fucking dyslexic. But hyperlexic at the same time. I mean I’m hyperlexic in my native language, and I “remember” the spellings so I went undiagnosed

but I love technology. I want to be a CS student and then I’ll see where I can go from here. I’d love to work on an online learning platform for “gifted” children

y’know so they don’t lose their childhood but at the same time can associate learning with something nice and actually enjoyable

I think a lot of “gifted kid burnout” comes from the | dopamine <—> habit making | mechanism

so if children can learn they don’t HAVE TO be good at every subject and learn their “strengths and weaknesses” early on

Hardships later on won’t be as depressing

cause hey maybe I’m not the best at english but I know a lot about maths and I like maths and maybe when I grow older I can be a mathematician!!

you see what I mean?

at least this is what I’m trying to do for myself

generational trauma and neurodivergency running in the family made me develop some shitty coping mechanisms (example - perfectionism in order to cope with my actual time blindness and the “need” for structure while hating organisation and refusing “unreasonable” authority)

I wasn’t raised catholic, not really

nor was I raised queer lol

but my brain reacted to religion the same way people who went through religious trauma did

basically I put myself through religious trauma on accident!

fun, aye?

what I mean is, I grew up religious because that’s what “felt right”

tradition and all that

and then I realised the catholics hate me for no fucking reason

and then I thought “well fuck you too!” And called myself an atheist

later it went into agnostic

and a couple of weeks back I grew OBSESSED with religion

christian one I mean

Fuck I even started reading the nsrv bible in english (!)

and then I tried to interpret it “by myself” using some historical context and googling some stuff

WHAAAAAAAT! Turns out the bible is a product of its own time and is not to be taken literally!

That’s crazy innit?

Yeah and then I realised all of my recent hyperfixations (last two years) were a silent ways of rationalising ALL my “unreasonable” anxiety and trauma caused by; you guessed it

NOT UNDERSTANDING SYMBOLISM AND SOCIAL CUES AS IT IS

IN MY NATIVE FUCKING LANGUAGE

I can learn *any* language

I just need some books, movies, music in said language

But don’t ask me about any grammar. I don’t care about grammar. And you can’t make me. Idfk what present simple is but I can shove it so far up your ass your own mother won’t recognise you. so yeah

I’m great at learning languages cause they’re a “brainless” work for me

I mean

I learn languages for fun - it’s a tool to communicate with broader audience AND find more knowledge on the internet (I Google EVERYTHING in english)

and when someone tries to make it into an actual job of mine. This is when it goes downhill.

also english being coded as “language of knowledge” is my “main” language

my native language is way more complicated and I never really had to acknowledge my emotion in polish

I mean maybe I did but I just never wanted to cause I never learned that! English in comparison is simple. It allows me to communicate simple ideas without the need to “sound smart”

this and isolation from my peers (kids are bastards) gave me an actual “language barrier”

which isn’t the case really

it was just my overthinking

I started enjoying polish music way more recently cause I can never get the lyrics

so I listen only to what sounds “cool”

in english on the other hand the most of my music taste was built around midwestern emo and folk punk

cause I listened only to songs that felt “somewhat relatable”

yeah all of that understanding makes me want to write an essay but i kind of don’t care and I’m too lazy to do that!

so yeah this is how I “cured” my compulsions, anxiety, depression, irritability and perfectionism. By having fucking adhd and being a massive nerd. because I would hyperfixate on linux, customisation, open source applications, cybersecurity, programming

turns out I’m great at maths since I KNOW HOW to solve the problems

My brain is just too quick to do it step by step so I tend to skip and get lost in my own fuckin notebook 💀

schooling just made me believe I suck at maths and i should actually kms for trying to improve at it /hj /lh

And I suck at my own language. I know a lot of “complicated” words and can deduce what certain words mean (logically) but I have issues adapting my language to my listeners. I either cuss every other word (too comfortable; thanks mom LMFAO)

Or I speak like an university professor. To my peers. And they don’t know what the fuck is going on. And I end up isolating myself because of crippling fear of being misinterpreted. And people think I don’t have a sense of humour whatsoever because I don’t “get” jokes. But I joke a lot and am very sarcastic cause that’s just how I am. God damn it

When were y’all going to tell me not everyone thinks I want to use them and be a bastard overall when I need to ask someone for help. when. were. you.

icb I had to go to paid therapy, feed myself some subliminal messaging, deprive myself of sleep for 48 hours, force myself to talk to my dad about things I don’t understand or scare me, go manic for a week on venlafaxine, my aunt had to die and I had to have a reason not to go to school for 2 days for me to actually acknowledge my emotion instead of rationalising it.

also everyone in school + my therapist thinks I’m still manic and in need of hospitalisation. How do I even begin to explain it’s not that I have superiority complex, and I just realised I’m hella smart, just in a pretty unexpected way….. because thorough my entire life I never acknowledged it for the sake of being “humble”. bitch it’s not humble it’s the lack of self worth and being someone else’s doormat.

y’all think that if I say “house md and one tumblr post cured me” they’ll let me off the radar?

no honestly I have too much to catch up on (maths, c++, reading in POLISH, and learning German for fun) to actually care about “depressing” things of this world

I mean sure it does sound unhealthy in hindsight

but thing is

this is the first time in my life where I don’t feel hopeless both about present AND the future

and I guess that’s enough for now

I have “a goal” and that’s enough

Later I might catch a job as an actual university professor. Maths or computer science. Biology or physics maybe?

it gives me an excuse to be “eccentric” lol

cause the students are here to learn not to make fun of who I am and focus on that

sure it’s a funny anecdote to mention like “dude my physics teacher is fucking nuts but at least his lectures are interesting”

and that’s all I care about

I get to express myself instead of internalising anything

and the students get to learn

yay and yay

mutual benefit!

yeah anyway fuck I have so much shit to catch up on and I’m so lazy I actually have to reorganise my room and desk so I don’t try to do my homework in bed……. (Yes I was THAT depressed and lazy)

when I do my chores in bed I keep on losing my pens and I’m one minor inconvenience away from doing something I might not particularly want to do…….

yah

thats it I guess

If this post made anyone realise something (“connect some dots”)

congrats and I’m sorry you had to find out this way LMFAO

if not

scroll ahead, not the target audience probably

#neurodiversity #gifted kid burnout #mental health #txt #long post #personal #also you’re not “evil” but possibly have some developmental trauma. Probably. Who am I to judge. Have fun with the realisation! #hate crimes md #don’t take this too seriously #Im the last person I would take actual advice from #🦐🦐

[shu-glue]

Chapter 1: Suna Rintarou

Summary: Suna thinks he's going to have a good day today but then again, when has he ever had a good day?

    ༺❀༻

A/N: Welcome to the first chapter! This fic is gonna be a bit of a slowburn, so it’s gonna take some time for the main events to unfold. Likes and reblogs are very much appreciated! Comments as well, they boost the motivation! Thanks and enjoy reading. ^^

masterlist / next

The sun is barely peeking out behind the mountains and buildings of Amagasaki, Hyogo. Few people are out and about; there were the people who woke up early to tend to their shops, restocking and tidying up for the busy Monday ahead. Farmers in their fields tending to their crops and livestock. There were also the drunks trudging their way back home, swaying in the nonexistent strong winds as they walked.

And then, there was Suna Rintarou, jogging past those few people already out and about at 4 AM in the morning.

Turns out, no one can really say for sure how post-moving from one region to an entirely different one would affect someone.

Everybody’s different that way. Sometimes it’s like the entire earth has been thrown off its axis. Other times, one just realizes the amount of socks they actually own (and how many have lost their pair).

For Suna, it became increasingly obvious how much he slept better when he was living in Aichi.

It’s been less than a year since he moved to Hyogo Prefecture and Suna found out that it had its ups and downs; for example, he got to play for Inarizaki High School’s volleyball team. He also built an annoying sleep schedule that refused to let him sleep in. For some reason, no matter how late he went to sleep, he always woke up at 4 AM in the morning on the dot, way before his alarm. It’s annoying, but his body wouldn’t listen to him no matter what he does. On weekends, he gets a bit of leeway, waking up at 5 or 5:30 AM. But on weekdays, he wakes up at ungodly hours.

Suna woke up at 4:34 AM this morning, less than 2 hours before he needs to be at school for morning practice, which is 10 minutes away. Despite trying to go back to sleep, his circadian rhythm refused to cooperate with him, so he changed into some more running-appropriate clothes and took a jog around his neighborhood, a routine he developed since his first week here.

The surroundings are now more than familiar to him, and he can navigate his way around like the back of his hand now. Today seemed to be a good day, in his opinion; his head didn’t ache despite waking up so early, his running shoes don’t dig into his heels like before, and his stamina doesn’t seem to be draining that quickly.

Probably the most okay day he’s had this week, miraculously.

He begins jogging back to his apartment at 5 AM, a light sheen of sweat already sticking to his skin and running down his temple. The cold air hits his face, allowing him some relief from the heat that starts to build up as he jogs. When he gets back to his apartment complex, he greets the security guard situated by the entrance with a nod. He knows the man, and they’ve never spoken much but they get along just fine. The security guard returns his nod with one of his own as well as a polite “good morning” as Suna makes his way to the stairs, climbing all the way to the 5th floor.

He power walks to his apartment at a steady pace, stopping when he gets to apartment 508 and entering the home. “I’m home,” he calls out, untying his running shoes by the front door and placing them on the shoe rack. The apartment is dead silent, so Suna surmises that his mother and his little sister are still asleep. He makes a beeline for his room and takes a quick shower, changing into his uniform and fixing his things, before heading towards the kitchen to cook a simple breakfast.

The rustle in the kitchen as Suna starts to cook some eggs, ham, and rice wakes his mother up, the latter entering the kitchen with a loud yawn. “Good morning, Rintarou, dear.” She greets him with a wide but tired smile, her sleepier than usual hazel eyes crinkling at the corners. Her brown hair is a mess, and Suna finally realizes that she’s still wearing her nurse uniform from work. Suna frowns at this. Their mother works as a nurse at the local hospital, and she works overtime to make ends meet. She works too much, like a tireless cog in a machine, and she rarely ever comes home before midnight.

“How was your morning jog?”

“It was fine.” Suna replies, flipping the eggs as his mother takes a seat at the dining table, watching him cook. 

“I’m glad to hear that. You’ve been doing a lot of those lately, haven’t you?” His mother comments, smiling softly. Suna shrugs and nods.

“Shouldn’t you change out of your work clothes, mom?” Suna asks her, turning his head just enough to see her shake her head as she waves her hand dismissively with a smile, sleepily leaning her chin on her other hand. 

“I’ll change later, don’t worry about me, dear. Ah, can you get me a cup of coffee so my brain can wake up a bit more though?” His mother asks and Suna nods, doing as she says as he turns off the stove and pours the coffee into two mugs, handing one to his mother and placing the other on the table before plating the eggs, ham, and rice. “Thank you, Rin,” his mother says to him, exhaling in satisfaction after taking a sip of the coffee, “go wake your sister up now. You both have school today.”

“That is if she decides to get her ass out of bed.” Suna grumbles, rolling his eyes. His mother laughs as he walks off towards his little sister’s room down the hall. He raps his fingers on the door, closing his eyes to focus on any signs of movement behind the door. “Oi, Risumi, wake up.”

When he doesn’t hear anything, he sighs and opens the door, revealing the dark room. The blackout curtains block out the sunlight that tries streaming through the window and it takes Suna’s eyes a while to adjust. When they do, he sees a bundle of blankets on the bed and sighs again, much louder this time, before he walks over to the curtains and–with one swift move–pulls them back to let the sunlight in, bathing the room in light within seconds. In response, Risumi groans at the sudden influx of light in the room, and Suna watches as she pulls the covers over her head in annoyance. “Wakey wakey, eggs and–whatever, we’re gonna be late, Risumi.” Suna says to her, poking her side.

Risumi groans again and swats Suna’s hand away, scooting away from him. “Shut up… five more minutes.” She grunts, burying her face further into the pillow. Suna huffs.

“Five minutes is five minutes too many.”

“Don’t care. Leave.”

Suna raises an unimpressed eyebrow at Risumi, crossing his arms. “I’m giving you five to get up, then.”

“Five what?” Risumi grunts, not in the mood for her brother’s antics.

“Five, four, three…” Suna trails off as he grabs hold of Risumi’s blankets and, unceremoniously, tears them away from her, leaving her vulnerable to the brightness of the room.

“RINTAROU!” She screeches, sitting straight up as she stares at Suna with an annoyed expression. Suna just smirks and shrugs, walking off to the door.

“Get dressed, breakfast is ready.” He says.

“Mm. Food.” Risumi grumbles sleepily, finally swinging her legs over the edge of the bed as she stretches. 

Suna leaves and goes back to the dining table, Risumi coming out of her room after a few minutes in her middle school uniform and her brown hair in the usual low pigtails. “Good morning, sweetie!” Their mother greets her, smiling brightly.

“Morning, Ma. How’d you sleep?” Risumi asks her, to which their mother chuckles.

“Slept like a baby!” She says, giving her a thumbs up (Risumi frowns). “Come on, come on, let’s eat! It’s so rare that I get to eat breakfast with my babies!”

Suna and Risumi silently eat their breakfast as their mother chatters on, asking them about school and gossiping about her coworkers. The two listen as they finish their meal, the warmth of the food filling their stomachs. When they finish and start standing up, their mother perks up, setting her mug down.

“Ah, stay safe on your way to school, okay? And don’t forget to greet your father before you leave.” She says, smiling gently but the mirth doesn’t exactly meet her eyes.

Despite that, Suna nods at her, him and Risumi making their way to the living room after saying goodbye. In the corner of the living room, a small table sits with a photograph on its tabletop amidst flowers, a man with dark hair and yellowish-gray eyes behind dark-rimmed glasses smiling in the image.

Suna and Risumi kneel down in front of the photograph, bowing. It’s routine; every morning, before they leave for school, they bid their father goodbye.

At the same time, the siblings stand up and Risumi makes a beeline for the door, to which Suna sighs. He pauses and looks back at the photograph of their father before following his little sister out the door.

“Risumi, don’t walk too far ahead of me.”

No matter how much Suna chastises her, Risumi ignores him, continuing to walk ahead of him by seven paces. Shaking his head, Suna sighs, rubbing a hand against his face. It’s not unusual for Risumi to show him attitude; she’s been like this since they moved to Hyogo. Suna would just appreciate it if she would just stop for five seconds before she gets hit by a car.

“Risumi, oi.” Suna calls out again but Risumi keeps a brisk pace ahead of him, hands shoved into the pockets of her jacket. Suna sighs for the nth time today. Is it really normal for 13 year olds to be this bratty? (Then again, thinking back, Suna was the exact same way.)

After a while, they arrive at Kitsuhana Middle School. Suna stays back at the entrance while Risumi marches inside. “Take care, bye.” Suna calls after her, and when Risumi ignores him again, he narrows his eyes at her attitude. “Risumi, goodbye.” He says again, a little louder. "Risumi."

Risumi sighs in exasperation. “Yeah, yeah, bye.” She throws over her shoulder, not even properly turning her head to look at Suna properly. 

Suna stands there for a couple of seconds before digging into his backpack with a straight face, feeling around until he finds his phone. It doesn't take long for him to find the one video he needs and he plays it at max volume.

Soon enough, the sounds of 5 year old Risumi crying "Daycare is scary!" and "I want to stay with Rintarou!!" fill the air and Risumi stops in her tracks, her face morphing into mortification as she slowly turns around to face her menace of a brother.

A couple of her schoolmates have stopped to see what's going on (some of them commenting on Suna's tall height and good looks). Risumi flushes red with both embarrassment and anger, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water as the video continues to play in Suna's hand.

"Rintarou. Please stop the video." She says, stomping her foot.

"Nope."

"Rin!"

"Not until you say 'Bye-bye, Rin-Rin'." Suna shoots back in a baby voice, waving his hand as if saying bye-bye. If there's one thing that everyone knows about Suna, it's that he would rather buy more storage with his own allowance than to delete any of the embarrassing videos he has of the people he knows, whether that be Risumi or the Miya twins. He could easily make a "Top 50 Miya Twins Fight" compilation, or even upload "Unreleased Footage of Miya Twin Brawl circa last week" if he found the motivation to.

Risumi groans and clenches her fist. "B—bye-bye, Rin-Rin." She grumbles, gritting her teeth.

"Can't hear you."

"Bye-bye, Rin-Rin, now stop the video!" Risumi shouts, stomping her feet once more as even the tips of her ears turn red from humiliation. "And delete it, you ass!"

"Nope, don't think I will." Suna says but he stops the video anyway, pocketing his phone again. "Love ya, sis!"

"Shut!"

When Suna got to Inarizaki’s school grounds, the almost zero amount of students already there didn’t really surprise him. It’s not a common sight to see the school look borderline deserted (if it weren’t for the janitors and staff already there) and it feels eerie at first, but at this point, Suna is used to this environment. Hey, at least it’s quiet.

“Rinnie~!”

He should have suspected something when it was beginning to get too quiet. Suna grunts when something–someone–collides with his side with enough force to not tackle him to the ground but just enough to make him stumble a bit. Long thin arms wrap around his waist as a soft cheek nuzzles against his shoulder. Suna closes his eyes for a second, not really in the mood to deal with this so early in the morning but looks over at the figure anyway.

“Yer so mean to me.” The girl whines at him, staring up at Suna with a pout on her pink lips. “I didn’t hear from ya fer the entire weekend!” It is none other than Mamura Erika, a second year highschooler from class 2-4; considered as one of the prettiest girls in Inarizaki. And really, who wouldn't? Long blonde hair and amicable green eyes, a kind yet bubbly personality. Not to mention the fact that since she is not in any club, she helps out in every way she can. 

Not to mention the other fact that she’s also Suna’s girlfriend of almost two weeks. It was a spontaneous relationship, after Erika confessed to Suna after one of their practice matches. In all honesty, he just accepted her confession on a whim; he was bored. He doesn’t think of himself entirely as an asshole, but sometimes, he’s just a dick.

“I’m sorry, I was busy with practice and uh–homework.” Suna says, peeling Erika off of him and holding her shoulders as he tilts his chin down at her. Erika just pouts up at him, raising an eyebrow. A pretty face and an adorable pout enough to make any guy at school bend backwards to satisfy her whims but to Suna, it just makes him sigh. If she’s hurt by him abruptly pulling her away from him, she doesn’t let it show on her face.

“Ya always say yer busy!” She says, placing her hands on her hips as she furrowed her eyebrows at the taller boy, green eyes narrowing with irritation. “Ya practice so much on school days that the weekend is the only time I can speak to ya–at minimum!”

It’s true, to be honest.

“I’m sorry,” Suna sighs, running a hand through his dark hair, “I’ll make it up to you, okay? I’m just busy with practice with Interhigh coming up. I can take you out on a date after..”

Erika grows quiet at that, her shoulders stiffening for a split second. Surprisingly, two weeks is enough to know at least a little bit about a person. And Suna can be observant when he wants to, to take notice of the way Erika's gaze became slightly downcast for a split second, the way she bit the inside of her cheek, and the way her feet shuffled beneath her, all as if pensive. 

But before Suna could say anything more, Erika smiles up at him, scratching her cheek with her index finger. "Ah, right, okay. But, uhm, can we meet up at lunch?" She asks, wringing her hands.

Suna raises an eyebrow at this. It's not that unusual for Erika to ask to spend time with him. However, she had never asked to meet up at lunch before (her go-to is bouncing up to him at the front of classroom 2-1 with her bento box in her hands).

He doesn't comment on it, however, and just shrugs at her. "Sure."

Erika smiles and hugs his arm lovingly. "Thanks, darlin'!" She says, green eyes twinkling. 

It would have been an annoying moment turned peaceful if it weren't for a certain set of twins deciding to interrupt.

"Ew. Lovebirds, it's too early fer PDA!"

Suna turns to see Atsumu cringing in faux disgust as he walks over to the two of them, Osamu following close behind.

"I think it's good for a relationship. Healthy bonding." Erika retorts, hugging Suna's arm tighter as she turns her nose up at Atsumu.

"Sure, blondie, but don't do it where anyone can see the two of ya!" Atsumu shoots back and Osamu rolls his eyes.

"Ya idiot, ya do know the P in PDA means public, right?" Osamu interjects, giving Atsumu an unimpressed look.

On cue, the blond's face turns a deep shade of red and he puffs out his chest in a way that is highly familiar to anyone who knows him.

"Yes, I do know what it means!" Atsumu shrieks indignantly at Osamu, who rolls his eyes to the sky once again. "Stop callin' me an idiot when yer a bigger idiot than me!"

"Still an idiot."

"YA SHUT YER TRAP!"

Suna whips out his phone in record speed, immediately filming the bickering match that evolves into a borderline brawl between the two twins. Erika watches with narrow eyes, her gaze flitting between her boyfriend and the Miya twins, before laughing nervously. "Well, I'll see ya at lunch then, darlin'." She says to Suna.

"Hm? Yeah, sure."

Erika frowns but doesn't say anything else, quietly slipping away. 

Suna doesn’t notice but Osamu does, partially loosening his chokehold on Atsumu when he realizes that the other blonde is gone. “Oi, Suna, aren’t ya gonna walk yer girlfriend to her homeroom?” He asks Suna, and Atsumu stops his struggling to look around as well.

“Huh, Mamura didn’t even say bye to us.” Atsumu says, looking around and Osamu tightens his chokehold again, hitting the top of the former’s head with his fist.

“That’s because she doesn’t like yer ugly face.”

“We share the same face, ya scrub!”

“Can you, like, adjust a bit? I can’t get your faces in the same angle.”

Lunch comes around and so does Erika, bounding up to Suna with a smile and a sway to her hips. Her blonde hair is in a ponytail this time, swaying from side to side behind her. “Rinnie~! Did ya miss me?” She asks, hugging Suna’s arm once again. Osamu snickers as Suna's face flushes with slight embarrassment at the nickname and the former waves them off.

"See ya at lunch, 'Rinnie'."

"I'm going to hit you with a volleyball later."

Erika frowns, pursing her lips as her grip loosens on his arm. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Suna asks Erika, looking down at her with his usual bored expression. The blonde flinches but tries to hide it with a smile as she gently grabs Suna's hand.

"Can we go somewhere more private?"

Suna raises an eyebrow at first but lets Erika lead him to the back of the school anyway, the afternoon sun beating down on the both of them. They can still hear the chatter of students from outside and inside the building, but other than that, it's quiet. Not a single soul nearby.

It's confusing why Erika would want to suddenly talk in an inconspicuous spot like this, but Suna waits for her to talk first, hands shoved into his pockets as he keeps quiet.

He eyes her up and down, watching her behavior change to how she was earlier; shoulders tense, head down, feet shuffling under her—

“Suna,” Erika says, wringing her hands, her shoulders tense, her gaze downcast, “I don’t think this is going to work anymore.”

#suna x reader #suna rintarou x reader #suna rintaro x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x fem!reader #suna x female reader #please teach me how to be a girlfriend #first chapter! very excited ^^

[morvantmortuary]

oh man, this week will not stop

- got first notes back on my diss chapter that are essentially “cool but what are you saying” (motherfucker if it’s not there then I have no idea anymore)

- committee has been talking amongst themselves and apparently my longtime chair feels like I’m too far away from his subject now as my question has shifted, so my second member is volunteering to chair, bc apparently my newest guy didn’t want to co-chair, and guy #3 is on leave

- work computer is having problems even our IT person is like “¯\_(ツ)_/¯” about and every time I think I’ve fixed it something else happens and now even though school hasn’t started yet I’m somehow behind

- tomorrow I have to get up way before my circadian rhythm is comfortable *and* stay late to help out with this thing I stupidly volunteered for not realizing my boss was going to gently peer-pressure me into attending the early thing

- and apparently today is the anniversary of my grandfather’s passing and while we weren’t close at the end I still feel like an asshole for apparently completely fucking forgetting

I just. need someone to help me get the knots out of my shoulders, I think??

anyway! I look forward to being able to sit down and actually write/write back some later tonight, hopefully 🖤

here’s the tiny!morvants in their handy new carrying case in the meantime, chilling with me at my desk:

(plus a tiny black cat meant to represent maggie but it keeps falling forward :’D)

I hope everyone else is having a better week so far - at least it’s halfway over?

#and then rarae says #rae grumbles #the misadventures of the tiny!morvants #I have something thisclose to ready to post I’ve been working on it whenever I’m stuck assisting with training this week

[quietlyimplode]

leave everything but your bones behind

Whumptober 2022: day 10 - tasers

Warnings: torture (electrocution)/ chemical subjugation

Word Count: 1.4k (gif not mine)

Summary: Natasha becomes unwell and only the Red Room can fix her. The choice is die or go back to the very place that made her.

A/N: torture inside, be gentle with yourselves. Finally on ao3 (the first two chapters anyway)

Main Masterlist

Whumptober Masterlist

———

The day passes slow, there’s nothing really to do except wait; hope really, that the Russians are doing what they say they will.

None of them men talk much, except to encourage each other to take care of themselves.

Eat.

Drink.

Rest.

They take watch on Tony’s monitors, though what was meant to be a secret, a burden he’d keep to himself, has made them all a little lighter, she’s alive and they haven’t found the tracker under her skin on her hip. The one that’s feeding them all the information.

The day morphs into night, and they all become lost; unsure what to do.

Tony doesn’t sleep anyway, his circadian rhythms non existent. So he promises to wake them if anything changes.

Clint dreams, holding the portable tablet close to his chest.

He dreams of Natasha dancing down the hall, to a song only she can hear. It transforms and changes to her reading in the living room, face creased in concentration as her cooking burns in the oven.

He laughs as she apologizes, the cookies easily rescued.

In his dream she is happy, content and he can feel her warm body, curls close to him.

He hugs her close and falls into a deeper sleep.

.

Bruce reads Natasha’s file, hoping that it give him something that when she is back with them he can help her more, tailor medical attention to her; but the more he reads the more understandable her reactions to medical attention becomes.

He considers how horrific the last couple of weeks must have been for her. Bruce feels the low growl of the Hulk in his gut and closes his eyes.

No, he reasons, not now.

If the Hulk fronts, he’s not coming back.

The anger they both feel at the injustice of her upbringing, and the abuse suffered will never go away, he thinks.

So he mixes it into all the anger that courses through his body and holds it.

.

The third day without her brings change to her systems, Tony thinks it’s leveling out. There’s no spikes to her temperature, no constant racing heart, or bug fluctuations and her blood pressure seems to become somehow stable.

“I think they’ve done it,” he questions, looking to Clint who’s playing games on his phone.

“Get Bruce,” he orders.

The doctor is in the room in seconds of Tony asking, and they start a conversation on stabilization and causes.

They video call the doctor and give her Natasha’s vitals and the doctor confirms what they know; they’ve likely cured her.

“Maybe they’d put her in an observation room, just to make sure she’s stable?” Steve asks hopefully.

Clint shakes his head.

“I don’t think so, but we can hope they go gentle,” he says kindly, knowing it’s not the truth.

.

Steve opens his phone.

He scrolls til he finds the picture of him and Natasha taking stupid selfies in the Quinjet, passing the time as they waited for refueling.

He loves the way she looks so carefree, pulling faces with him, grinning at his stupid faces.

It makes him melancholy when he thinks of how tired she’s looked, how resigned she was to the whole thing from the moment she knew what this was.

There’s a look soldiers get when they’ve seen war, shell shocked is a good name for it, because it’s exactly how they look; overwhelmed; mind protecting body.

He flips through the pictures, sending a couple to Clint, even though he sits on the next couch. There’s a hint of a smile on his face as he acknowledges them, and nods at Steve in thanks.

They’re all in waiting, the call to go and get her, one more day they’ve decided.

Waiting is hell.

.

She feels the mouth guard in her mouth, a hard plastic that makes her breathe through her nose.

She knows what’s coming, the thick metal cuff across her wrists and the chair that tips up.

Natasha can feel the revenge.

Whether she comes out alive or not, is another thing.

She’s still dressed only in her hospital gown, that goes 3/4 of the way up her legs. She feels naked before them.

There are three people in the room that she can see.

But her head is strapped down too.

The others need to come and get her.

Now.

The first shock alights every nerve in her body.

It’s familiar and painful and she screams and bites hard into the mouth guard.

Her muscles freeze in rigor and there’s no thought in her head except, make it stop.

The buzz that sounds gives out, but her ears are still ringing. There’s moments of reprieve, an instant to regain breath, but it’s not enough.

There’s no questions, no talking as it switches back on, just paralysed muscles tightening until she thinks they’re going to snap.

She counts, knowing that the machine can’t hold its charge forever, but it hurts.

It hurts.

The forth round, no one has said anything and she’s sweating profusely; out of breath, muscles trembling.

She wants to pass out.

Vision blurry, mind dulled, she hears the door open and slam shut.

Dreykov appears in her field of vision.

“I wanted to be the one,” he growls holding up a syringe.

The liquid squirts out the top and he laughs.

“I wanted to be the one that brought you back into the fold; that made you one of us again.”

He’s not gentle when he jabs the needle into her neck, lingering and whispering into her ear.

“Did you really think you could leave? You’ll always be mine.”

There’s a disconnect in Natasha’s brain, much like dissociation but she’s aware.

There’s an invisible wall and it almost feels like a split. Two of her, Natasha and the Black Widow.

She is not in control; the Black Widow is.

.

Natasha is dressed. Another widow with dead eyes stands next to her, pulls the waistband tight.

She just follows.

His order was to comply.

Any order that is given, the Black Widow does.

Stand, he’d said, taking the restraints off her arms, the crusted blood and bruises.

The Black Widow does.

“Kneel,” he says.

Everything against her tries to fight it, but the Black Widow takes over.

She does everything Dreykov says, there is no choice; no option, comply, comply.

She can’t help her body shaking; the repercussions of electrocution; but even as she kneels in front of the man that made her childhood hell, she doesn’t feel anything.

She wants to ask him what he’s done to her but he gleefully explains anyway.

“Chemical subjugation.”

“We saved you, and you will forever be in our debt. You will repay it.”

She wants to scream until her lungs give out. Instead she hangs her head and awaits the next order.

“Let’s go home,” he smiles.

From the medical wing, she’s put into a car.

“Say goodnight,” a widow tells her.

“Good night,” Natasha says, the words falling out of her mouth.

Injected again, this time the world goes dark instantly.

.

She wakes up in a cell, in control of her own body somewhat. She takes a stock as she always does, although apart from feeling nauseous and dizzy, she overall feels okay.

Her wrists are covered in bruises, she can tell where all the needles have been inserted by the little pot holes in her skin; but the way everything is healing; it’s like when she was younger.

The nanites are back in action. They’ve truly healed her of the constant seizures; the drops in blood pressure, racing heart, and likely the organ damage the doctor had told her she was heading towards.

Given all of that, it’s likely they haven’t had enough time to get to all her bruises and cuts.

There’s still a constant ache in her bones and her muscles ache; but she thinks it might just be from the taser and electric shocks.

Not quite understanding what is happening, Natasha decides to pick the lock. She wants to know where she is, how far they’ve taken her; how long she’s been here.

There’s a guard at the door as soon as she approaches it.

“Stand at the back,” he orders.

Compliant legs carry her the three steps to the back, as he opens the door.

“Follow me.”

She does, wanting to kill him as she has no idea why she’s being so submissive, until she remembers the injection and Dreykov’s breath on her neck.

They pass widows in training and Natasha forces herself to look straight ahead. How many of them are there? How many girls has she failed?

She thought this was done.

Rounding the corner, Natasha finds herself in a gym room, three widows lined up.

Lena, Max and Jace stand in front of her; all grown up.

.

#whumptober2022 #no.10 #taser #marvel fic #implied/referenced torture #chemical subjugation #natasha romanoff fic #natasha romanoff #clintasha #black widow #clint barton #my fic #hawkeye #clintasha fanfiction #tony stark #clintasha fanfic #clintasha fic #general dreykov #tony stark fic #steve rogers fic #steve and nat #tony and nat #clint barton x natasha romanoff #natasha whump #whump fic

[dwn024]

hello sorry for the pretty much unsolicited advice but i'm very passionate about circadian rhythm things and i wanted to say that staying up later than your "natural bedtime" to attempt to force reset your sleep schedule has the potential to do a fair amount of damage to your circadian rhythm and push you into a n24 schedule (which, as someone with n24, is not easy to live with o(-< ). the "safest" options are either trying to work with your natural schedule, or using various stimuli to encourage a phase advance to push your natural sleep and wake up times earlier. if that's something you want to look into, this is the most comprehensive resource out there https://circadiaware.github.io/VLiDACMel-entrainment-therapy-non24/SleepNon24VLiDACMel.html#adaptations-for-dspd (worth looking through regardless, if only for the fair bit of information about how these things work in the first place)

please tell me in simple terms exactly what i need to do to fix it i am begging

#this ask is like a week old from when i started trying to reset it this time

[finsterhund]

I made my roommate watch Skinamarink last night and he didn't get it lol. He is the type to repeatedly ask questions during a movie often right before the movie explains the thing though so I guess that tracks.

I obviously agree with him about things like the pacing and how difficult it is to see things and how the sound mixing and inconsistent subtitles impair understanding and it holds on set pieces for too long. Like I've said before my obsession is rooted in how it made me think and feel and the kinship I had and the potentials it brought to the table. It's not something you really watch as fun entertainment lmfao

But he just couldn't understand how the kids reacted the way they did and that particularly got stuck in my brain.

We got into the discussion of how at that age his (very much unhealthy) birth mother was protective to the extreme and literally would not let him leave her side ever. I also don't think he was experiencing repeat physical abuse. Which of course contrasts starkly with how my mom would leave me alone for hours on end (or rather hours on end alone with my drug addict violent birth father.) So like I'm able to understand the kids being able to "autopilot" a bit despite being that young (knowing how to get cereal and juice and going about circadian rhythms and basic routines) and how they prioritize hiding and being quiet over breaking down and trying to call for help. But he can't. He was like "I wouldn't be that calm I'd be freaking out" while even at that age I knew there sometimes could be extreme consequences to small actions and it was normalized to just go along with things.

Which makes a ton of sense. Under normal circumstances young children should know they can rely on their parents. So their first instinct is to call out. To cry. Baby hominids are so helpless that's pretty much all super young humans can do is call upon an adult. Lumpy fleshy things with giant soft skulls, can barely walk, no teeth or claws. The skills at their disposal are eye contact, hold on tight with strong little grasping hand, and scream. And especially to children with overprotective parents the concept of being completely alone and without help is foreign and horrible and obviously the best solution is to cry out louder and louder until an adult arrives to fix everything. Because they have to come. That's a constant in life, isn't it? When have they not come? And they're never going to hurt you just for wanting help, right?

But for someone like me that was not the way it works. Early on I did though. In the time period shortly after mom took me back from my grandparents (so I was still used to being in their care) she'd intentionally ignore me while I called and as a result I tried over and over gradually louder. I'm on the spectrum by the way, and a trait I see thrown around about earliest signs of autism is that super young children tend to vocalize less and don't develop strong attachment so thay may show it was even more dire. Idk

This was also before my heart surgery so I was experiencing cyanosis and this may have hurt(? Truth be told the one thing I can't remember pretty much at all is the extent of how much it hurt to just exist. My memories don't really record "background pain" I can't even look back on something from a year ago and remember the "default" pain even though I know full well I was suffering from my chronic pain at the time. So idk)

Eventually of course I would learn to give up. With time she would had settled into her new job and was gone for hours on end at night. Essentially my birth father would largely stay in one room and be practically vegetative but really sensitive to light and sound (morphine I think) and it was advantageous to never give him reason to remember you're in the same house. Do not draw his attention and do not under any circumstances give him any "reason" to hurt you. That period of my life is in memories very vague and sparse and repressed and cloudy but what I do remember feels almost exactly like this movie. Lonely, having to make ones own entertainment and relying a lot on VHS tapes and cassettes and toys. All the while hoping the time bomb in the living room stays asleep in the lazy boy. There is constant fear and doom looming over your head. You feel that you are both being watched and over-percieced yet are isolated and abandoned and forgotten. Despite how distressing it is it's also very understimulating and very very boring.

I think this is essentially the vibe that the movie wanted to pull off with the two kids and the entity. That they by instinct knew to basically try to "grey rock" by not calling out or making attention of themselves. Even outright the entity admits that it "punished" the elder of the two for "not listening" and continuing to ask for her parents back.

Maybe it's reflective of how they may have been neglected or often left alone even before the entity showed up so they were used to the situation at first and it was a manner of boiling the frog(?) It's pretty directly implied the mom is out of the picture and it's only the dad by himself shown as being unable to prevent an accident because it happens to the kid in the one time he's preoccupied (although I think it's also implied the entity was responsible for Kevin "falling" down the stairs. Oh god that's another thing isn't it... again, I relate to this movie for a reason)

This pulls me down the line of thought about theoretically how quickly our "planet-wide dominant species of great ape that put all its evolution points into the hyper-socialized pack animal niche" infant can revert to "prey animal left alone in tall grass and its most characteristic attribute is for camouflage" infant when abandoned in a dangerous situation. Additionally makes me think about how there's a certain sound that fortunately very few people will ever have to hear that's specifically the vocalizations young children allegedly produce when experiencing severe life threatening things. A sound that is allegedly very difficult to differentiate from the death screams that rabbits make. A prey animal that for pretty much any other situation evolved to stay as silent as possible.

The child actors are very good at sounding distressed in this movie and there's some pretty upsetting moments but they never come close to that severity of distress. There's talented kid actors who's cries and screams of pain I've seen in movies that do sound genuine but I don't think this extreme is something that's even possible to ever be replicated in acting. I can't even say if I've ever heard/felt it despite my past. It's likely something that most would repress regardless.

The point being is that the way trauma works is that deep down past all the hopes and dreams and hobbies and interests a human is still an animal with the main goal of survival and keeping itself safe with instincts honed over millions of years for this purpose. And in order to ensure survival there is a ton of unconscious/involuntary things that this deep part of your brain will call upon as a last resort. It is often jarring and seen as a loss of childhood when a kid is driven to these extremes to survive. Things that are universally understood as the way children are and how they act and present themselves will cease to exist at this time. You have to adapt or you die. If you're unable to protect yourself and take care of yourself you die. And it's fucked up especially for us because of how noticable it is. Again, we evolved for hyper-specialized communication skills and family units. Baby braincases are so big that they can just barely be delivered at the time of birth. A child is seen as helpless and vulnerable and dependant on family so the fact that in serious situations they can be forced to essentially "devolve" into being more feral, less human, as a survival mechanism can be deeply distressing and emotionally damaging to acknowledge.

Maybe even in-universe humans had instincts to try and avoid predation by whatever the entity was and that's why the kids behaved that way. I would love a horror movie that really goes into exploring the concept of humans still having significant vestigial instincts and adaptations to avoid predation by a lost/extinct/supernatural creature or being that we long ago forgot about consciously.

This is probably one of the reasons I'm so drawn to this movie despite not liking this style of film, camera, pacing, etc. very much. It's so relatable to how I lived at those ages, the experiences I lived and what was a major part of my young existence. And then it makes a child-torturing interdimensional monster the cause of it all. Something otherworldly and new and under-researched. Alien. But intrinsically tied to how our species can think and feel. Literally so much for me to chew on here.

Hmmm speaking of, I wonder if there's for instance say... a video game... that does that sorta thing but about childhood fears and has a nyctophobia darkness entity that's trying to get its hands on the child protagonist who's afraid of the dark, a protagonist that is an extremely relatable character to me that I may absorb into my own personhood and identity as a means of coping with my own childhood trauma... Maybe the target demographic is children so it's not got a depressing outcome and has an easier to follow story. I bet I'd be fucking obsessed with this very hypothetical video game that totally isn't something that does in fact very much exist... 🤔

Aaaanyways, back on the subject of how there's different forms of child abuse/neglect growing up and how the themes in Skinamarink aren't necessarily going to be relatable to everyone out there with childhood trauma.

I see people on both camps in regards to public view of Skinamarink doing the (quite frankly unacceptable behavior. Stop it) thing where they either say "anyone who finds this movie scary obviously didn't really experience trauma growing up" or "the people who don't find this movie scary don't know what it's like to have childhood trauma"

Which (once you get past the fact that we really shouldn't be doing that to other trauma survivors. Please stop.) I think shows that a thing that may impact one's ability to empathize with the scenario in this movie being upsetting is tied not just to understanding what childhood trauma feels like but also a specific form of neglect abuse. The viewer's attachment style probably factors into it as well.

Also an obligatory preemptive response to the people who are going all "it's not about child abuse!!! Stop talking about child abuse. It's just a demon! Not that deep" I am aware that in its most literal interpretation that it's literally just an entity. It's just that the way it's presented the entity is also really good at serving as a metaphorical zeitgeist of childhood neglect my dude. It is literally a monster yeah, but shit doesn't exist in a vacuum and people draw on real world experiences and fears to make supernatural concepts click in people's brains. That's one of the pillars of horror. It's pretty much if childhood neglect was a monster. The themes the movie literally uses to produce the atmosphere are "being left alone to fend for one's self" as a toddler and "time blurring together."

I dunno. I guess that Skinamarink falls into the category of "borderline-pretentious boring art house film or something" so that's why there's so many varying qualities of "takes" surrounding it but sometimes things can really annoy me lmfao.

The people who gatekeep childhood trauma when talking about how other people feel about the movie is especially bothersome to me though. Because there's multiple forms of child abuse and neglect, all of which can cause lasting trauma and other psychological effects, and different people can have varying memories and triggers about it. And there are a lot of kids out there I'd imagine who were left by themselves and suffered neglect in a way that feels like the movie does. I know it's not just me because multiple people have mentioned this.

Watching the movie by myself again this time having found and downloaded what I think are the official closed captioning. With the captions it is a lot easier to follow the movie and tell what's going on. I can actually see that the movie does have a followable plot. And you could argue a three act structure as well if you stretch. So I take it back about how the movie didn't have a plot. Still think it would have benefited from being closer to traditional storytelling though. I appreciate how I'm picking up on blink and you miss it things on pretty much every rewatch and it can be interpreted into having deeper themes but I know a lot of people prefer something that's easy to follow, concise enough for one casual viewing, and has more entertainment factor. I'm in that camp too despite appreciating what it did do.

Also figured I would include it in this post. I have context as to why the movie went viral as "the scariest thing even, movie that is cursed and evil and haunted" reputation film and then disappointed a lot of people who went into it hyper out of their minds. This reputation stems from when it was stolen and uploaded without any context. So it randomly appeared online with no explanation and then people on the internet found this mysterious thing and it spread to the pretty much exclusively zoomers-with-unresolved-mental-issues TikTok community. With that context it may have felt like an ARG or something that wasn't meant to be found that should have had additional context that was missing. A creepypasta but the spooky lost media was actually real. Back when I was more impressionable being introduced to it that way would have fucked with me too.

God look at me rambling about stupid cartoon rabbit YTP entity movie. Fuck man. This thing has a stranglehold on my brain.

#text post #cw: child abuse #cw: child neglect #the skinamarink #long posts #Kyle Ball what have you fucking done to me I'm writing fucking essays on this thing

[stressed-bird]

Your Lost Shadow: Chapter 1

“The Past is No More” (Part 1)

(An AU turned Fanfiction Script by stressed-bird)

The first chapter is here, finally a prologue no longer is the only content of the YLS au!!

In my script this was one chapter but it got away from me so now the reasonable course of action is to split it into two parts—

It tragically means that I have to take my current chapter names in the script and uh... kill them. But we adapt and overcome! By the way, very minimal use of Macaque’s pov this time—we have third-person semi-omnipotent narrator? We use no names until the end, because neither demon know the other’s name (or rather one does discover it and opts to not use it).

My man Macaque got kidnapped—and no good deed goes unpunished, or rather no good deed is done without an agenda.

Back to the Prologue

The demon spider looked down at the healed up shadow, he was trapped still in the cocoon but every bruise and scape had been washed away from him. All through magical means, non-invasive means—it was poor practice for a doctor to be man-handling their unwitting patients after all.

Not a finger of any of her four hands had been laid upon the simian. It left much less of an obvious magical trace—her magic’s trace. The spidery woman was wary and cautious nearly to a fault after all, taking every measure to stay hidden away from all beyond-mortal beings’ eyes. All that that attention would bring to her was trouble and interruption.

Trouble and interruption that would do nothing but hinder her work.

She rechecked her patient (captive), the most important thing for her to fix wasn’t physical inconveniences after all. That “honor” had gone to the monkey demon’s concussion, a far from unexpected result from the simian’s crash if the crater she’d “seen” him in (through the eyes of her creations) was any tell.

At least his circadian rhythm was uninterrupted by any of his injuries, she noted with brief interest, for as the dawn was nearing and beams of reflected light peeked into her dark den to symbolize the time... the shadow demon in the cocoon stirred.

She took multiple steps back, noting how her multiple spider legs only seemed to agitate her patient as their ears twitched at her movement. After a few seconds, likely motivated by the knowledge he wasn’t alone in this space, the demon opened his eyes and glared her down.

Were the shadow not trapped in the magical binds of her spiderlings’ makings, the female demon would be more intimidated. Narrowing her eyes right back, no words were spoken... no, the simian demon wouldn’t be pacified by words. But no words were needed anyways, she had no intentions to keep company.

Only the intention of fully finishing her check-up on her patient.

Lifting one of her hands, bright-magenta magic collecting at her fingertips... the demon lady brought her thumb and forefinger together to only to bring them apart and reveal a thin needle of her magic.

Grasping it, she flicked the honing needle at the dark-furred demon and landed it right between his eyes despite his avoidance attempts. The demon’s fur bristling and teeth beginning to get bared the longer the silence went on, the power imbalance of him being bound in silk and trapped further fueling his hostile glare.

Golden eyes staring at glowing magenta that saw past him.

Suddenly, a motion of her clawed finger, and thread-like magic left her finger pad. Hooking itself to the previously unseeable needle and yanked back, leaving only a small feeling of a prick.

He glared at her with pure hostility only to see... eyes that stared back, seeing him now, but full of only sorrow, pity. The demon’s pity was the last straw, and the simian snarled out a venom-filled “what.”

At the silence he received, the monkey elaborated. “What the hell are you staring and holding me captive for! What are you doing, can you even speak.”

Every word escalating in decibels and fury, it seemed like forever (a few minutes) until the spider demon deigned him worthy an answer.

“You poor creature, you hold so much pain and sorrow.”

The monkey shook in his cocoon, further feeling antagonized. “That answers none of my questions, try again.”

It became the spider’s turn to sharpen her gaze, glaring down with a mix of annoyance and that damn pity. She closed her eyes and took a breath, seemingly contemplating her next answer, ignoring the other demon’s growls and furious complaints about her enduring silence.

Still through closed eyes, she spoke again, calm and unbothered.

“It’s awful really, but don’t fret. You won’t have to deal with it... with what brings you such heartache and strife... much longer.” A louder growl was made and the monkey demon seemed ready to immediately enter verbal battle until a spiderling jumped down on his head to silence him for a moment.

“Must you really do that? What I meant isn’t that I’ll kill you, I meant that I have a solution that’ll benefit us both that’s tried and true. You’re not the first broken creature to find their way into my den, and won’t be the last.

Whether you’ve noticed or not, I am a doctor of sorts. I heal every weary traveler and soul that comes my way, I have nothing but glowing reviews of my work. So trust you’re in good hands, little shadow. The solution to your sorrow and woes and heartache is simple and I’m more than willing to impart it on you.

I’ll just take your memories! All of them. All the ones that bring you strife anyways.”

At that the silenced monkey did begin to struggle even more fiercely than when he’d first awoken, throwing the small creature silencing him off to somewhere on the cave floor and getting rid of the wad of silk the little pest put to cover his mouth. Finally, freeing his mouth and outright yelling at the demon, “Like hell you will! Try and see how good that goes for you.”

The spider staring at him, unmoved and not surprised at his outburst. She just look more annoyed with him than she was before, as she waved away his empty threat.

“Your paltry, hollow threats are... interesting, but inconsequential. Worry not, not a hand will be laid on you by me, it’s improper of me to do to my patients.

So hush now and stop your fussing. This will be painless, well... painless as I can make it anyways. Taking memories from minds isn’t exactly meant to be done nor a precise science but it’s a necessary process.

It’s just a small bit more hurt but only to free you from all of it. The hurt, the pain, the tears and heartache you hold... all of it will be purged from you. And then, you’ll get to keep living your life, but now bothered no longer by all this hurt you hold in yourself, that’s my promise.”

Macaque could nothing—the cocoon he was trapped only being reinforced and better secured to keep him still by the little creatures that skittered around the room, his hands trapped to his chest and unable to make their magic, all of his magic but his glamors dampened and kept at bay by the threads trapping him.

The time to talk gone—not that he’d been particularly interested in civilized conversation with the demon that trapped him—and he was powerless to do anything but watch.

Even more spiderlings came alive and moved as they got her spell materials in order. Multiple bringing to her a hefty crystal ball she had to hold with multiple hands—it was a lot of memories she was taking after all and the vessel for them had to be large enough hold them.

Holding up the crystal sphere, the rock clearly made from some sort of rose-colored gemstone that seemed clear as glass at its center. The orb now glowing with her magenta magic as all the eyes in the cave that weren’t Macaque’s lit up with the spider demon’s glow.

“... Now brace yourself, little shadow.”

#stressed writes #no beta we die like men #lmk au #your lost shadow au #tw spiders #lmk fic #lmk macaque #lmk oc #<- Fāngyīn is technically an oc of mine— she’s a morally grey person who has good intentions and questionable means #this is the last we’re seeing of Memory Stealing Spider Lady (MSSL) (Li Fāngyīn) for a long time... #at least until a certain someone fucks up and commits breaking and entering on her home during the climax of the story #talking in the tags

[leonsliga]

for the ask game: 8, 15, 22, 62, 88 and 99 if you feel like it 💛

Omg thank you Judith!! <3

8. So here’s the thing: I’m such a bum when it comes to my nails lmao…no clue why. I’ve still got a little bit of leftover teal polish on my toes, but my fingers are out here goin nude 😵 we love some good commando fingernails ig

15. Apparently there’s two #15s, so I’m just gonna answer ‘em both lol.

For 15a, god, I’m torn. I’ll tell you this much tho: you won’t ever find my introvert ass in a nightclub, and that’s a promise! As for the other three, I love museums as much as the next girl, but it’s gotta be between a forest and a library. I’m a bookish bitch, but I also love being out in nature and vibing amongst the trees, especially in the fall when the leaves start to turn or if that forest ends in a mountaintop :)

For 15b, my style is definitely pretty comfy and casual. When I’m not wearing football shirts, what I wear really just depends on the season. If we’re talking fall and winter, pretty much sweaters, leggings, and boots every day (think Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls or Eva Mohn from Skam only more extreme). These are MY motherfucking seasons. I’m a sweater slut…there, I said it. For spring and summer, I don’t care what I wear as long as I can wear flip flops on my feet 🤷‍♀️

22. I haven’t made any super big decisions recently, but I’m about to make a really big one: I’m about to apply for grad schools, and in the process, I’ve got to decide whether I want to stay in the states and round out my studies here or if I want to wrap things up over in Europe (I’m thinking Scotland, since I left a piece of my heart there a few months back). And when I tell you have I have no idea what I’m gonna do, I’m serious lol. I mean, if I decide to go to uni in Scotland, I’ve basically gotta commit to at least spending a couple of years there. And idk, I’m nervous about the weight of that decision and the unpredictability of the outcome. I might love it more there as much as I did the 4 months I studied there previously, or I might not. It’s tricky. Should I stay or should I go, ya know? Decisions, decisions…

62. The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear the word “heart”? Probably a feeling: passion. Giving your all to something—pouring your heart and soul into something you truly love. It doesn’t have to be a job; it can just be a hobby, something to pass the time. What better way is there to live life than with passion for whatever it is you’re doing or however it is you’re living?

88. First, a lil bb anecdote: my body loves sleep. I sleep like a bear hibernating for the winter; 9 hours is simply insufficient. I’m entirely convinced I could sleep a year if left unchecked or without alarms to stop me. But apparently this morning my brain decided to stage a coup d’état against my body, and I woke up randomly at 7am. Not sure why…I just did, I guess? So that’s fun. But my first thought of the morning was literally: “holy shit, what time is it?” And then when I realized it was the ass crack of dawn, I trust-fell back into my bed (good thing my bed is the most trustworthy inanimate object in the game), trying fruitlessly to will myself back to sleep for the next 2 hours. Eventually I fell asleep…I must’ve, cuz when I woke up again it was like 1pm 😵 moral of the story: my circadian rhythm is damaged beyond repair and not even that cute little thing called sleep can fix it.

99. Even numbers all the way, and it’s not even close! Do I know why? Absolutely not 😂 they’re just more satisfying and pretty idk

#judith <3 #thank you sm for the ask!! #I’m pretty sure this was more than you bargained for 😂 #but oh well #I always go all-out #a for effort lmao #ask games

[kramlabs]

#barbell #sunlight #daily walk #fix circadian things first #mostly meat is what i eat

[7r0773r]

I Quit Everything by Freda Love Smith

Fuck-Marry-Kill

The game Fuck-Marry-Kill, where you're given three names of potential love or sex interests and required to place each in one of the above categories, has always bothered me. Can't we have a "flirt" option? A "tango" option? One of the advantages of quitting is that it creates space: breaking out of the daily habit of drinking let me step away and view it with fresh eyes and a sense of curiosity. It didn't leave me with absolute clarity. Alcohol is poison and I was cleaner and healthier without. Yes. And. Alcohol is medicine and I was bereft and diminished without. I've been alive long enough to not expect absolute clarity in anything. After decades in a relationship with John Barleycorn, I don't want to fuck, marry, or kill him. I think what I want is to stay conscious and keep dancing. (p. 56)

***

How Do I Love Thee?

There is a magic to weed: it brings a glow, a brightening of perception, an openness to experience, an ease of being. It turns down the volume on my fears and worries about my children, my anger about the social and political state of the world, my stress and exhaustion from work, and the prolonged uncertainty and loss wrought by Covid-19. It helps me sleep, makes listening to music or watching television more fun, soothes my aching joints, shakes up my dull, repetitive patterns of thought.

I'm going to do high yoga, I announce to Jake, before my nightly routine of gentle yoga. I feel a delicious wonder, flowing through the simplest stretches and movements. Hugging my knees into my chest is profound; lower back lengthens, sacroiliac joint settles back into alignment with a gentle thunk. I sink into the sensations, surrender to gravity. I mean have you ever really FELT gravity? It's like when I first practiced yoga in my twenties, amazing, a revelation to feel my face relax and open, my shoulders drop, my breath deepen. Over the decades I'd grown habituated to the practice, less conscious. I never stopped loving yoga, never stopped benefitting from it, but I hadn't freaked out over it in a long time, until high yoga, which made it new again.

And high sex. Sex had been a great pleasure in my younger adulthood, but menopause changed my body, as it does, and left me drier, less desirous. Cannabis is a fix, takes me out of my head and deep into the warmth of my body, helps me rediscover a sense of surrender. High sex is not acrobatic; it's slow, attentive, responsive. My skin becomes extra sensitive, every brush of fingertips electric. And climaxing is like Nigel Tufnel's special amp in This Is Spinal Tap: these orgasms go to eleven.

Other things, too: A high hot bath, utterly dreamy; the water has presence, texture, agency, silk on my skin, heat reaching into the center of my muscles; let go, says the water, and I comply, exhaling, melting. A high cup of spearmint tea, total delight; the flavor intensified, an entire field of spearmint on a sunny day distilled into each sip.

I become a better, more enlightened version of myself on cannabis: more aware, appreciative, insightful, open. It makes me wonder. Does THC correct some chemical lack in my brain?

Might I be . . . weed deficient? (pp. 94-95)

***

Caffeine and the minute hand on clocks appeared roughly simultaneously in Western culture, and it was only a matter of time before this drug would free us entirely from our circadian rhythms, enabling us to override human biology and our connection to the cycles of the sun.

Get your fix and get your ass to work. (p. 126)

***

The Pose of the Corpse

I don't know what it's like to be dead, but I imagine it's a lot like not being on Facebook. We have to practice dying, it's necessary. In How We Live Is How We Die, Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön observes that people who "open themselves to the inevitability of their death" are "more engaged in life and more appreciative of what they have." One of the five foundational "remembrances" of Buddhism is "I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death." Some Buddhists recite this every day. It seems like a good idea to me. Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher, wrote in his Meditations that "you may leave this life at any moment: have this possibility in your mind in all that you do or say or think." I'm not Buddhist or Stoic, so I practiced dying by kicking myself off social media for a while, standing in a soundless forest, as lost as ever, but perhaps the slightest bit more open and aware. (p. 145)

#freda love smith #book quotes

[restonicae11]

Tips for curing sleep disorders due to chronic back pain

Are you a person suffering from acute back pain? Then you might have also experienced difficulty in getting a good night’s sleep. On the other hand, if you don’t get proper sleep during night, it may also enhance the chance of having a back pain. As both these issues are closely related to each other, it is very difficult to treat one without addressing the other. Here, let us discuss a few solutions to alleviate the sleep disorders due to back pain.

Change your mattress            

The first and foremost thing you need to address is the mattress and bed sets that we use for sleeping. Most people consider mattress to be a life long companion and don’t change them unless there is a severe damage for it. But, the maximum life span of a mattress is up to 15 years, after which you must certainly buy a new one. Otherwise, it will be the primary cause for back pains and postural defects.

Also, if you experience a back pain after waking up from sleep, but the pain subsides after some time, then it is high time for you to consider a mattress change. For selecting the right mattress, you may choose Restonic, which is a leading bed company providing luxury mattress in Dubai. Our extensive research in bedding technology has made us the best luxury mattress store in UAE.

Alter sleeping position

Wrong sleeping positions can be a major cause for back aches and sleep problems. Of course, there is no specific position that fits all the people. But each one should find his convenient posture and continue the same. For example, it may not be convenient for a person suffering from spondylitis or back pain to use a thick pillow. So, it is better to avoid pillow or use one that doesn’t create strain for the spine.

Regular mild workout

Daily workout is very essential for a healthy body. But, for people suffering from back pain, it is not advisable to do a heavy workout like others. At the same time, completely abstaining from exercise is also not a good tendency. It is always better to do mild workout like walking, joint rotation etc. Swimming is also good for back pain as it strengthens the muscles without putting pressure on the joints.

Fixed sleep timings

A fixed time schedule helps you a great deal in improving the quality of not only your sleep, but also your life. Human body and mind have a tendency of pattern seeking and follows a circadian rhythm at all times. Your body automatically adjusts to that rhythm. So, try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. This will give you good sleep and helps to avoid back aches due to lack of sleep. Also, use your bedroom only for sleeping and keep work and office tensions away before going to bed.

Healthy food habits

Food habits can play a major role in curing sleep problems. There are some foods that are extra spicy or that has an acidic nature, which creates stomach bloating and body aches due to gastric issues. Avoid such foods strictly at dinner time. Also, consume some warm milk added with malt to promote good sleep.

Conclusion

Although there are several solutions to sleep problems related to back aches, the most important one is to have a good mattress. A quality mattress is your best companion for sleep. At Restonic, we provide supreme quality luxury mattress in Dubai that is highly admired by our clients. Our extensive years of dedicated service to the bedding industry has made us the best luxury mattress store in UAE.

[lighting-philips]

Some rules to consider IoT-enabled smart lighting systems for smart cities

When IoT was first implemented in the smart city, it opened up a plethora of possibilities for the creation of novel services and the integration of previously separate application areas via the use of ICT. However, all the applications in an IoT-enabled smart city environment must be maintained with constrained energy resources to guarantee uninterrupted operation.

Since municipal lighting systems use substantially more energy than other city infrastructure, they stand to benefit greatly from IoT implementation. The IoT-enabled smart lighting systems for smart cities are the result of the integration of modern sensors and communication channels into the existing lighting infrastructure (SLS).

Autonomous and effective lighting management system

·       To achieve a more autonomous and effective lighting management system, an SLS is implemented.

·       This article introduces the SLS and discusses the many communication protocols allowed by the Internet of Things that may be utilized to implement the SLS in a smart city.

·       To put it simply, sensors are the most common, followed by algorithms, and then everything else. Light-regulating systems may take into account the time of day, light spectrum, or occupancy to determine action.

Significance of cloud computing

To handle workloads or tasks, algorithms might run inside devices or systems. Cloud computing also makes it possible to run these systems without sending any remote commands.

Algorithms may be used to describe a wide variety of state-of-the-art color-changing technologies, such as dimmable lights, color-controlling methods, color-changing LEDs, and energy-saving color-changing LEDs.

Intricate and beautiful lighting

Smart city street lighting schemes that take use of the circadian rhythm tend to be both intricate and beautiful. Autonomous algorithms are trained to respond to user choice and gender rather than conform to predetermined input design criteria. In the last ten years, evidence has accumulated showing that light exposure affects not just the biological clock that regulates the circadian cycles but also a wide variety of other systems, such as hormone secretion, body temperature, and circadian awareness.

Variety of physiological parameters

·       The range of light frequencies from red to blue is more relevant than the color spectrum because circadian cycles depend on luminosity rather than color correction.

·       Since the system's growth may result in increased influence on a variety of physiological parameters, it is sometimes understood to mean enhanced power.

Device hierarchies

Both the system device level and the device hierarchies in a network provide communication across the physical and logical levels. Increased dependability and new growth opportunities may be achieved by using a variety of physical architectures, such as a bus, a star, or a hybrid of the two. Cables or wirelessly connecting covers may be used to layer wired communication networks over wireless ones in fixed locations.

[fumpkins]

Can you overdose on melatonin? Here are safety tips.

Since the emergence of COVID-19, sleep troubles have been on the rise. One way that people have been coping with pandemic-induced stress is by taking melatonin to help them slumber. 

However, experts caution that melatonin probably isn’t a good option for long-term insomnia. In very rare cases, the hormone can make children sick if they ingest too much. 

“It’s important, especially in kids, not to use melatonin until you’ve spoken with your pediatrician or your sleep doctor,” says M. Adeel Rishi, a pulmonology, sleep medicine, and critical care specialist in Indiana and vice chair of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine Public Safety Committee.

If you do decide to take melatonin, here are a few things to keep in mind.

Melatonin is a short-term fix

Melatonin is a naturally occurring hormone found in all mammals that controls the sleep-wake cycle. It’s produced by the pineal gland in the brain and also helps regulate the “ebb and flow” of our body temperature and blood sugar, Rishi says.

Melatonin can be used to treat circadian rhythm problems such as jetlag. Short-term use of melatonin “appears to be safe for most people,” according to the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health at the National Institutes of Health. 

“In a situation where you have acute insomnia—all of a sudden having difficulty sleeping—I think for adult patients up to 5 milligrams of melatonin is probably appropriate for a few days,” Rishi says. (Timing recommendations can vary from 30 to 90 minutes before bed, but never right before.) If you experience side effects such as excessive sleepiness or dizziness, stop taking melatonin and check in with your doctor, he advises.

[Related: A good night’s sleep can boost cardiac health]

There’s limited evidence that melatonin is effective for chronic insomnia, and it’s unknown whether taking the hormone over extended periods could have any health consequences. 

“We have better options than melatonin when treating patients with chronic insomnia,” Rishi says. “The Academy recommends using cognitive behavioral therapy as the first-line approach for most patients…once it’s done the right way, the effects are longer-lasting than pharmacological approaches.”

It’s very rare for children to become seriously ill from taking too much melatonin, says Katharina Graw-Panzer, a pediatric sleep medicine expert at Weill Cornell Medicine and NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital. However, there isn’t data on whether melatonin could have any effects on children’s development over time. 

With a pediatrician’s supervision, children can take the hormone at very low doses and for brief periods to help regulate their sleep schedules, Graw-Panzer says. But it shouldn’t be the first option parents try. “Before we start melatonin, most importantly we have to work on good sleep habits in children, or sleep hygiene,” she says. 

Supplements get limited oversight

Because melatonin is categorized as a dietary supplement in the states, it doesn’t have the same rigorous oversight that prescription or over-the-counter medications receive from the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA).

This means that the actual amount of melatonin might not match what the bottle claims. A 2017 study in the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine found that the concentration of melatonin in commercial supplements ranged from 83 to 478 percent of the labeled content. Furthermore, eight of the 30 supplements were contaminated with serotonin—another naturally occurring compound that is targeted by some antidepressants, and which shouldn’t be taken without a doctor’s guidance, Rishi says.

“Before we start melatonin, most importantly we have to work on good sleep habits in children, or sleep hygiene.”

Katharina Graw-Panzer, pediatric sleep medicine expert

The lack of regulation for melatonin makes it difficult for researchers to study its potential long-term impacts. “Whatever data we have available is hard to compare head-to-head, because you really don’t know what they were using in the study: how much it was, whether there was an impurity,” Rishi says. 

However, he adds, there is a way to check whether a melatonin supplement has a dosage that reflects what’s marked on the bottle: Look for a USP label. Products that bear this label must meet standards for key attributes such as potency and purity established by the nonprofit United States Pharmacopeia.

Kids are getting sick from melatonin

As melatonin has become more widely available and popular over the past decade, there has been a dramatic rise in cases of children unintentionally swallowing melatonin. 

The annual number of pediatric melatonin ingestions reported to poison control centers increased by 530 percent from 2012 to 2021 for a total of 260,435 cases, indicates a study released last month by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). About 84 percent of the children experienced no symptoms, but 287 required intensive care and five needed to be put on mechanical ventilators. Two young children, aged three months and 13 months, died in their homes.

“The dose recommended in children is significantly lower than what is recommended in adults, and if you take too much of anything you have an overdose,” Rishi says. “Although it’s come to attention really in the last couple of years, we know that cases of melatonin among children have been on an upswing even before the pandemic.”

Signs of a melatonin overdose may include nausea and vomiting, low blood pressure, lethargy, excessive sleepiness, dizziness, and confusion, he says.

[Related: How to get your kids on a healthy sleep schedule] 

The largest annual increase in pediatric melatonin ingestions coincided with the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, the CDC noted. This might be because melatonin use increased among stressed-out adults, and children were spending more time at home–in closer proximity to the supplements–due to school closures.

As a largely unregulated supplement, melatonin often is sold in bottles without child safety caps and comes in formulations such as gummy bears that kids find particularly appealing. Furthermore, adults may not be as safety-conscious of a product sold as a supplement rather than a medication, Rishi says.

“You put all of that together and it’s not hard to see why we are seeing these reports” of melatonin ingestion, he says. “It’s this perfect storm that we’re in.” 

For melatonin to be used safely, Rishi says, “it all starts with changing how it’s marketed.” Ideally, he says, melatonin would fall under the same rigorous scrutiny that the FDA gives other medicines. “Through that hopefully the public perception of melatonin will change somewhat and people will start regarding it as a medication and will be more safety conscious.”

Graw-Panzer emphasizes that melatonin should be stored out of reach of children.

“What is important to always remember is that melatonin,” she says, “even if it’s over the counter, is still a medication.”

New post published on: https://livescience.tech/2022/07/09/can-you-overdose-on-melatonin-here-are-safety-tips/

[httpjeon]

heajix ― jungkook (m.)

jungkook/reader | alien!au | angst, fluff, smut

wordcount: 13.1k

contents: violence, blood, stabbing, minor character death, murder, mentions of mass genocide, knotting, breeding kink/impreg kink, light size kink, dirty talk, blowjob, fingering, cunnilingus, begging, multiple orgasms, light cumflation, cum eating, cum sharing

― synopsis: you find yourself on palacios, home to the sehebon. unfortunately, it’s not by choice and you quickly realize how deadly the planet is.

note: heajix is pronounced hay-jicks

© httpjeon 2019. do not repost or modify.

blog masterlist ― made of stardust masterlist

You'd been traveling, backpacking to be precise, through Fanet IV System — the newest system to be open for interplanetary travel. While you were traveling and exploring the newly available system and planets you began experiencing extreme technical difficulties. You wound up having to make an emergency landing on the planet of perpetual night called Palacios, home of the Heajix — an obscure, secretive race small in population.

Unfortunately, the least developed planet hadn't taken too kindly to their status of open-for-visits and had seemingly gone into a global lockdown of some sort since it began.

The second you stepped off your craft, you began to cough. The pollution in the air and smog that you could see had you scrambling for the mask you'd been given ahead of your visit.

You were in the heart of the capital city, Yathe, and it was nothing like you'd expected. Instead of a bustling metropolis like on all the other planets — it was nothing but abandoned buildings and graffiti covered walls. There seemed to be limited electricity supplied as street lamps flickered on and off, though most didn't work. The ones that were flickering helped you navigate your way around regardless.

The place was basically lawless, from what you knew, and the citizens did what they wanted to for the most part.

Pulling your backpack over your shoulders, you began to make your way through a nearby residential area. The houses, if you could call them that, were dilapidated and run-down; some had broken windows and others were completely destroyed. The Heajix's native tongue was plastered all over the ruined buildings and, while you weren't fluent, were talking shit about the other planets.

Using the flashlight on your phone, and aided by the illumination of the moon, you managed to find yourself in front of a house. It was small and wooden, no doubt old. When you walked inside, you realized it was just a simple one-room house with an attached bathroom as the only other room.

It was a gamble to assume it was unoccupied but, you really didn't have any other choices since you really couldn't spend the night out on the street. Your communications were down and there was no cell service.

You sighed and stepped inside, wincing at the visible dust floating around the room — thankful for your mask. When you turned to lock the door, you were dismayed to find there was only a broken locking mechanism. Groaning, you banged your head against the door.

"Why does my life suck? This planet might actually kill me!" You grumbled to yourself.

You dropped your backpack on the floor, unraveling the sleeping bag that was attached at the bottom and dropping it in a suitable sleeping place. There was a window right beside the front door, large enough for you to clearly see outside and allowing the moonlight to drift in.

You placed your bag in the corner near your sleeping bag and sat down. It was soft and cushioned, helping you to not feel the hard, rough floor beneath. There was a pillow sewn into the sleeping bag which you laid your head on.

The trip had been long and grueling, taking a week to complete so sleep quickly caught up to you. As your eyes fluttered closed, just before darkness completely overtook you, you swear you saw someone moving in the window.

Waking up to no sunlight was definitely jarring and you quickly realized that your circadian rhythm was going to flip out. Regardless, you looked at the time and it was just past 9 in the morning so you stood up and stretched, intending to take a shower. Grabbing your backpack, you dragged it over to the bathroom. Toting the thing made you realize how heavy it was — you'd packed so much into it for the trip. It hit the floor with a clunk and you were briefly concerned it would break the wood floor beneath.

There was a shower — a rusted spigot and a broken hot water nozzle. You groaned, realizing how shitty your morning was about to be. You reached in, turning the nozzle. The pipes clanged loudly and made a high pitched wailing noise before spurting out water. Your jaw dropped open and you let out a cry of despair at the yellowed water.

After finishing your horrifying shower, 20 minutes of holding in shrieks from the cold polluted water, you sat on the floor in the main area by the window. You did notice that the moon was a lot brighter than it had been and provided more visibility. Pulling out your file from your backpack, you hunched over the floor to take note of the crummy conditions the planet lived in along with their lack of fresh, clean water.

It was a hobby of sorts, traveling through newly opened solar systems and journaling your stay on the planets.

Checking your phone, you noticed it was nearing noon and your stomach began to growl. You slipped your shoes on and put the mask back on your face before stepping out; hiding your belongings in the bathroom to make it seem like the house was empty should anyone come by.

When you stepped outside, you felt a shiver travel up your spine at the ominous atmosphere. It was completely silent, not a single soul in sight and it set you on edge. Pulling the hood of your hoodie up, you kept your head down as you began to walk towards the area where your ship had been parked. 

Truth be told, it was quite common on planets of weaker economies for the Capital Planet to provide the citizen with rations. 

There were other planets you'd seen them on, and as you walked through the smoggy city you were pleased to find a run-down building marked with a giant red symbol of Vulia — capital of Fanet IV. 

The glass doors were smashed open and you easily stepped inside. It was dark and dusty with minimal light helping to guide you. Finally giving in, you turned your cell phone's flashlight on and began to look around.

The place was massive and you were shocked to see that the shelves were still lined with food. It wasn't abundant but it was clear not many people had been picking from the rations.

You grabbed some things from the shelf, realizing you should have brought your backpack. Most of the food was marked in foreign text but you didn’t care. You just needed food or else you wouldn’t survive long enough, on the planet, to even figure out how to get home. 

You put some in your pockets and carried others in your hands as you swiftly left the building. Looking around, you felt like someone was watching you but the streets were pedestrian-free. In fact it was eerily empty — it was reminiscent of a ghost town. Strange considering it was the capital city of the planet. 

Not wanting to risk getting into trouble, you hurried on your way the your ‘home’. Regretfully, as you shut the door, you remembered the door didn’t properly lock. You weren’t particularly handy enough to really fix it by yourself, unfortunately.

You saved as much food as you could in order to avoid having to go back out and quickly found yourself bored. Looking at the clock, you realized it was only about 2pm. There was no way you could go outside to find something to do. Aside from the fact you knew close to nothing about the planet, you also didn't feel safe out and about.

So you sat there, watching the hours tick by. Your phone battery was depleting and there was no way to charge it — the planet wasn’t quite equipped with outlets and electricity. Once it was dead you were going to be so fucked — no flashlight and no way to tell the time.

It was still early when you decided to roll out your sleeping bag and lay down. You spent a while simply staring at the walls and ceiling daydreaming. 

As you lay there in your own world, out of the corner of your eye, something shifted in the darkness of your window.

You sat up quickly, turning your head to look but found nothing to see.

"Now I'm starting to hallucinate," You grumbled, laying back down and turning your back to the window.

You sighed when you woke back up, glancing at your phone indicated it'd only been a couple hours. Blinking the sleep out of your eyes, your gaze shifted to the window once again.

Your breath caught in your chest when you could make out the shape of a person standing there — silhouetted against the moon's light.

You couldn't see their face but you knew they could see you, you could feel their gaze burning into you, as they brought their hand to the glass and tapped three times. You didn't breathe, eyes wide with fear you watched as their head tilted to the side. They lifted their hand up again, no doubt intending to knock again when they froze.

You swear you could hear muffled voices but it was so faint it was nearly impossible to be sure that's what you heard. The person's head snapped to the side, body going stiff.

Much to your horror, a second figure made an appearance from a few feet behind them.

All was still for a second before the first figure bolted and took off running. The second person stood there for a second and you were scared they were going to harass you as well. However, the person turned and walked in the opposite direction the other one ran.

With your sleeping bag pulled up to your eyes, you knew you weren't going to be falling asleep again.

When the morning came, you began trying to fix the lock — the night before having made you terrified for your safety. It was a simple type of latch and it took you hours to figure out a way to get it to work — with the help of a bobby pin and a spare pen you had in your bag.

It wasn't the best but it gave you a sense of peace of mind. 

You hoped you'd be able to sleep.

Staring at the window, you sighed — maybe you could find something to cover it up when you grew the courage to go out again. You really needed to, having run out of rations and on your last bottle of water that you had collected.

Your phone was almost completely dead after you had been using it to light your work on the lock. The bar was red indicating a sad 18% power left.

The time was a bit past 5PM and you decided to go while it was still technically daytime. Once outside, you wanted to cry with how much you hated it.

Curse you and you terrible luck. 

You could only hope that the signals for help you'd sent out would miraculously find their way to someone who could help you. There was also the possibility of you finding someone in Yathe who could help you — whenever you gained the courage to venture around and find help for yourself.

Until then, you'd just suffer by yourself.

You did the rounds again, this time you stuffed much more into your backpack — which you’d remembered to take. Every little creak and gust of wind caused you to jump, the image of that person standing at your window was still haunting you. 

You were going to be severely out of luck soon; with no phone, no way to contact Earth or a nearby planet to get to for safety, along with the apparent stalkers hiding in the dark. With worries weighing heavily on your mind, you found yourself drifting into your thoughts. Anxiety riddled your being and you cursed yourself for not having been prepared for an event like the one you were in.

The only thing that pulled you from your thoughts were the heavy footsteps not far behind you. The hair on the back of your neck stood on end and your hands began to tremble. Taking a glance over your shoulder, you saw a broad-shouldered individual meandering around behind you. With their hood pulled over their head, you couldn't see their face but you were sure it was a man.

When he noticed you looking, he picked up his pace intending to catch up to you. You held a whimper of fear in, speeding up your own pace.

His footsteps sped up again and you felt tears of fear pricking at your eyes — your house was right up ahead. You could get inside and lock him out.

Just before you reached your house, the footsteps stopped altogether. When you glanced over your shoulder, you saw the man talking to another person.

He had a friend.

You were in such deep shit.

Practically bolting to your house, you locked the door shut and placed your backpack in front of it — it was heavy and it wouldn't do much. Nonetheless, it helped you feel safe. You slid to the floor underneath the window, out of view.

Despite your fear, your stomach began to grumble with hunger. You chanced a peek out of the window and found there was not another soul in sight.

Your hands were shaking so bad it made it difficult to bring your drink safely to your lips. It took you an hour, according to your phone, to eat some of your food as you had kept drifting off into space.

A loud bang made your eyes shoot open, having fallen asleep against the wall with your knees to your chest. Drowsy, you looked around for the source of what woke you up.

Another bang and you saw your poorly locked door move with the weight of someone slamming against it. You scrambled backwards away from the door, eyes wide as tears pricked at them in fear.

There was nothing you could do as the lock gave and the door flew open. A man stood there, shoulders heaving as he glared at you. You could see only his eyes as his face was masked with scarf.

"Please..." You whispered, backing yourself into a corner.

"I knew you were a human," He growled, voice gruff and raw. "You know you're not welcome here."

"I-I..." Your mind blanked with any defense you could have made.

Just as he took another step forward, a second larger figured barreled through the open doorway. He was covered by an oversized black hoodie and black face mask. The heavy black boots on his feet added more to his height. You saw your life flash before your eyes and you just knew you were doomed.

"You—" The new man moved forward in the blink of an eye and had the other man jacked up against the wall by the front of his shirt.

"What did I tell you?" The second man asked, voice muffled by the full-face white mask he wore.

"Look—" The first man began but stopped when the second tightened his grip. "Fuck fine, I'll go."

The second man said nothing, simply letting the other go for him to run out the door. He sighed, shoulders relaxing as he turned to you.

You were frozen where you sat, his dark eyes, through the dark shadow his long bangs casted, doing nothing to quell your fear.

"What's your name?" He suddenly asked.

"_-_____," You muttered, not taking your eyes off him as he began to walk around your house. His boots thunked against the wood floors as he investigated whatever he saw.

"Well ______," He turned to you and sighed. "My name's Jungkook."

He crouched in front of you, the chain hanging on his jeans jingling when it met the floor, pulling the bands around his ears off and removed his mask.

It felt like the air was promptly knocked out of you. Even in the dark you could make out beautiful features on his face; wide, sparkling doe eyes with long curly bangs that hung in them. He had pretty, delicate lips with a small freckle beneath and a sharp jawline.

He was young and really good looking.

"N-Nice to meet you, Jungkook..." You stuttered.

He cocked his head to the side, fully sitting on the floor in front of you with his legs spread and arms resting on his knees. His dark eyes analyzed you, scanning over your features and body.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice portraying no identifiable emotion.

"I-I just found this e-empty house and—"

"No, I mean why are you here...on Palacios," He nibbled on his bottom lip as he stared at you.

"I um...I was traveling and had to make an emergency landing on the nearest planet," You explained.

"Why are you still here?" Jungkook's eyebrows were furrowed.

"My...my communications are down and Palacios doesn't have cell reception," You explained. "I attempted to send out an emergency beacon when I landed but there's no telling if it went through. And I've been too scared to try and make the trek back to see."

"It's probably been looted and dismantled by now for spare parts," He said, making you groan in despair.

"Are there any like...Embassy officials I can talk to? Government officials that can help me?" With every question, you felt your heart beginning to race with anxiety once more.

Jungkook's shoulders shrugged as he shook his head. "Do you not know anything about this place?"

"Only what's been released through the media," You replied honestly. "That you guys went into a lockdown or something."

"We don't...like outsiders here," He whispered before looking away. "There's no one who can help you. We're governless and we have no officials."

"Well how do you have laws a-and—"

"Does it look like we have laws, _____?" He snapped, making you flinch. "Look around. This isn't Earth. We don't have the luxury of being law-abiding citizens. We do what we have to to survive."

"I-I'm sorry I didn't mean—"

"Let's go," He cut you off again, standing up.

"Where?" You whispered, staring up at him.

"I said let's go," He growled, reaching down and grabbing your elbow. You whined when he aggressively jerked you to your feet, ignoring the painful grip he had on you.

"Wait! My things!" You complained, trying to break out of his harsh grip.

Jungkook growled, snatching up your backpack and tossing it over his shoulder.

"My sleeping bag..."

"You don't need it," He grumbled, yanking you out of the broken doorway.

As you walked, you noticed he tugged his mask back on — hiding his face. To your surprise, he pulled you only a few houses down from the one you had been in. He pulled out a key ring from the belt loops on his jeans and slid a key in the lock.

The house was still fairy dilapidated but it had clearly been renovated and fixed up to suit his needs. He hastily slammed the door behind him and locked the three locks that were there — a knob lock, deadbolt, and a simple latch lock like the one in the place you’d been hiding in.

The house was a bit bigger than the one you'd been in — it had an actual bedroom. All except a single window towards the back of the house and a window you could see in the bedroom were boarded up. Jungkook dropped your belongings on the floor with a thud and dropped to sit on the tattered couch in the living area.

"Um..." You stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, watching as he removed his mask again and tossed it away. His eyes cut to you and he raised a brow in question. "Why am I here?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, closing his eyes as he laid his head on the back of the couch.

"I mean...at your house, why...am I in your house?"

He chuckled at your question and you bit your lip at the sight of his crooked smirk. "Well, you were nearly killed over there. Did you want to spend your night there?"

"Well, no, but..."

"Look," He sat up and sighed. "There was no way you could survive on your own in this place. Actual Heajix can barely survive. So, I'm doing you a favor and helping you out, okay? The least you could say is thank you."

"I...thank you." It came out more as a question and Jungkook scoffed.

"You can sleep here," He mumbled, getting to his feet and stalking past you to his room. As he passed you, a sweet smell, delicate scent wafted off of him and you couldn’t help but inhale. It was nice.

You felt around your pockets and realized you had left your phone behind. You whined as you sat down on the couch, not willing to ask Jungkook to go and retrieve it for you. Jungkook's door clicked shut and you were left alone and in silence. It was dark, the moonlight from the back window barely reaching where you were sitting.

You curled up, shivering at the cool draft and your lack of a blanket. Closing your eyes, you hoped for sleep to overtake you.

Soft footsteps moved around you and your eyes fluttered open. Jungkook stood in the kitchenette, shuffling with something on a plate. Sitting up, you winced at how sore your muscles were from curled up on the small space all night. Your neck felt stiff and hurt when you moved it a certain way. 

"Um what time is it?" You asked, voice groggy from sleep.

"I don't know," He replied, not looking at you.

"What do you mean you don't know?" You asked.

He turned around, carrying a plate over to the coffee table and placing it down. He was wearing a loose white sweater and sweatpants, long curly hair messy and hanging in his eyes. "I mean...we don't exactly have a concept of time anymore. There aren't really functioning clocks so we all just...run on our own schedules."

"I see..." You watched him pick at some food on the plate and pop it in his mouth. It looked like some kind of diced meat. "What is this?"

"Food," He replied shortly, not offering any other information even as you glared at him. "Eat before you die of starvation."

You sighed but couldn't deny the hunger pains in your stomach. Albeit suspiciously, you took a piece of meat and popped it in your mouth. You hummed, finding nothing strange tasting about it — it tasted similar to ham.

The two of you finished it together and he leaned back on the couch with a groan, patting his stomach. You sat in silence, listening to the wind blowing outside.

"It's probably going to storm soon," He muttered suddenly, eyes drifting towards the window.

You hummed in response, picking at a thread around a hole in your jeans. You weren’t sure how to reply to him, truthfully his tough attitude and mannerisms intimidated you. The last thing you wanted to do was make him mad enough to kick you out and it seemed like he had a bit of a short fuse. 

"Do you want a shower?" He suddenly asked, making you jump.

"Um...yeah I guess," You dreaded taking another shower in the filthy water but it’d give you a chance to be away from him and relax a bit.

Jungkook led you to the bathroom and you were surprised by how well maintained it was. He grabbed a towel from a shelf on the wall and tossed it to you. Then without uttering another word, he shut the door and left you alone.

You were pleased to see a hot water handle and eagerly turned it. Then, much to your surprise, the water came out perfectly clean and clear. Without wasting a second, you eagerly stripped and stepped under the warm shower.

It felt like you were in there for ages, having to use some soap Jungkook had to clean yourself. You hoped he didn't mind, though it smelled very good.

When you stepped out, you felt fresher and you were surprised to see new clothes on the countertop.

He had come in while you were shower.

Your face burned hot, hoping he hadn't looked. Throwing on the clothes, you hummed at how clean and nice you felt for the first time since being on the planet. When you walked out of the bathroom, Jungkook was sitting on the couch with his eyes closed and arms over his chest like he was napping.

"H-How did you have clean water?" You asked, taking a seat beside him.

You heard him inhale and felt his body tense. For a second you thought he was going to yell at you, but instead he opened his eyes to look at you. "I hooked all my piping to a private water reservoir that continuously purifies the water."

"That's...impressive," You whispered. "How'd you learn to do that?"

He shrugged. "Took a lot of testing, trial and error with the purification. But my parents were mechanical engineers in Zlathe."

"Zlathe?" You asked.

"It was another city a long time ago," He replied, running a hand through his hair revealing his forehead.

"...Was? What do you mean?" You sat up straighter and he sighed.

"Before everything fell, Zlathe was a neighboring city even bigger than Yathe," He explained.

"I don't understand," You muttered. "What do you mean everything fell?"

"You really are ignorant," He chuckled, though it held no mirth. You couldn’t find it in you to be offended because it was true; but no one outside knew anything about the planet.

"Well it's not my fault your planet is a secret," You mumbled, crossing your arms over your chest.

"We were less developed than everyone...the other planets," His voice held nothing but spite as he spat out the words. "Palacios is the smallest and collectively they all decided, even as we rejected the idea, to create landfills here to dispose of their waste so their own planets didn't become a mess."

"So...that's what caused the pollution?" You asked.

He nodded. "The more toxic the air became, the more sick people became. Those who were able to leave did and those who couldn't were trapped. All of our government leaders left us without a word. Everything went to complete chaos."

"That's horrible! They just abandoned their citizens?" You gasped, eyes wide with shock.

"One by one the cities became desolate. Yathe is, from what we know, the only standing safe city. When the population became crammed into this last safezone those fucking Vorderans swept in and raided every nook and cranny they could. We went from 500,000 people to a mere maybe...20,000?"

"Vorderans?" You hummed. "The people of Vulia? Capital Planet for Fanet IV? Why did they do that?"

Jungkook scoffed. "Why would I tell you? So you can report it back to the Humans and they can take what's left of an already dying people? We're a doomed species — pushed to the brink of extinction over greed and classicism. Why do you think we kill any outside official that comes here, huh?"

"W-We just...everyone just said Heajix were very...private," You muttered, a little startled by his aggressive attitude.

"Yeah they would," He spat. "They don't want to have to explain the complete genocide and decimation of a planet they spearheaded."

"Did you say kill?" You suddenly whispered, brain catching up to what he’d previous confessed.

"Of course, any foreign person who comes to us...after we warned the Embassy to leave us alone...they sign their own death warrant," He said, absolutely no remorse in his voice.

"Is that why that guy broke in?" You asked, which he nodded at.

"Yeah, you were targeted by him even though it wasn't even discussed," When he heard you hum in confusion. "We may not have people in high positions telling us what to do but we do maintain some order. Any foreign person who comes here is watched and if they're deemed a threat we take them out. So far...every person has proved themselves to be so. But you...we hadn't caught you doing anything other than trying to survive and hide so we voted to leave you alone."

"So why did that guy—"

"He went off the deep end I guess, didn't trust you and wanted to take you out on his own terms to be safe. He'll be punished and dealt with appropriately," He said, pulling his sleeves of his sweatshirt up to show a wide expanse of tattoos written in a foreign text. "All criminals after punishment are made to have a tattoo on their skin detailing the nature and severity of the crime. It's kind of like a way to shame us for behaving that way. It’s a little piece of our culture we’ve maintained even after the fall."

You leaned closer, looking over the intricate text that was displayed. He had a handful from what you could tell.

"I take it you're not going to tell me what your crimes are?" You asked, unsurprised when he yanked his sleeve down harshly.

"What the hell happened to your arm?" He suddenly asked, changing the subject, eyes pinned to your arm.

When you looked down to follow his gaze, you were shocked to see a nasty purpling bruise around your elbow.

"I have no idea," You muttered. However, he grabbed your wrist and you gasped, attempting to yank yourself away. "That hurts, you know! Jeez, why are you so rough?"

"Rough?" He scoffed. "I'm barely even touching you!"

"Well, you've got a twisted concept of gentle," You muttered, rubbing your now sore wrist. "Oh."

"What?" He grumbled, pouting at having been chewed out by you.

"It's where you grabbed me yesterday," You muttered. "Jeez I knew you were rough but..."

"I wasn't that rough..." At the tone of his voice, you looked up and saw him frowning. He lightly ran his fingers over the bruise. "I didn't meant to hurt you."

"I..." You were shocked by how upset he seemed over it, showing actual concern. "It's okay...it'll heal. J-Just be more careful next time, okay?"

"I didn't realize how easy you are to hurt," He muttered, still staring at your bruise. "You're a delicate race, huh? I'll be more careful, I promise."

You smiled at him and nodded. His lips twitched upward in his own smile and the two of you fell into a comfortable silence.

The following day, Jungkook stood before you with a backpack on his shoulders. His mask was in place and he looked at you where you sat on his couch.

"When I leave, lock the door behind me," He ordered you, watching as you quickly nodded your head. "And don't open up until you're sure it's me, got it?"

"Got it," You replied, feeling anxious over the situation.

His boots stomped against the floor as he walked to the door, casting one strong glance at you over his shoulder before walking out and slamming it shut. You quickly raced over and slid the latch lock in place and twisted the deadbolt while he locked the knob. Left alone in the silence, you felt extremely uncomfortable.

You looked around, eyes falling on the door to Jungkook's bedroom. Debating for a moment, you decided he'd probably be gone long enough for you to have a peek.

Pushing the door open, you were pleased at how nice it smelled — Jungkook's clean scent permeating from every inch.

As you stepped inside, you noticed a pile of old, worn books in one corner. He had a table beside his bed with a picture frame on it. Taking a seat on his mattress, you grabbed the frame and examined it. There was a picture of Jungkook, albeit a bit younger, standing with a man and woman on either side of him and behind him a taller man who looked similar to Jungkook.

You opened the drawer of his table, having to pull hard as it seemed to be off the track. It was empty inside aside from a paper you couldn't read and a bottle of lotion. Humming, you simply pushed the drawer back closed and looked around the room some more.

Deciding there was nothing else worth looking at, you stepped out of his room and shut the door. Boredom struck immediately and you dropped down onto the couch and curled up.

The least you could do is take a nap.

Your rest didn't last long because you were startled awake by violent knocks on the door. From outside, you could hear Jungkook calling your name. Jumping to your feet, you scrambled to unlock the door and let him in. He sounded so panicked that your hands were shaking by the time you slid the latch lock open.

Jungkook burst in the second the door was open and promptly fell to the ground with a groan. You shut the door and shakily locked it again before turning to him.

"J-Jungkook? What happened?" You crouched down and helped him pull his backpack off.

He winced, making a hissing noise the second he was made to move. You gasped, noticing the way that he was holding his side — red seeping through his fingers.

"Oh my god, what happened?!" You cried, hands hovering above him not knowing what to do.

"J-Just a stupid accident," He groaned, the back of his head hitting the floor harshly when he tossed it back. The impact didn’t seem to bother him. "Was chasin' some animal and I fell. Caught myself on some scrap metal on the way down."

"Holy crap, how bad is it?" You urged him to move his hand so you could see his wound.

The metal had torn a hole in his shirt and you could see a deep gash across his ribs. There was blood gushing from it and you were worried about the possibility of infection.

"It needs to be cleaned and probably stitched, Jungkook," You muttered, watching him put his hand back over it to slow the bleeding.

"I don't have t-to clean it or stitch it," His eyebrows were drawn together and his jaw was clenched in pain.

"I have a first aid kit in my backpack," You stood up quickly, ignoring his protests, dashing over to where your backpack was leaning against the wall.

Zipping it open, you began to fish through your belongings searching for the little white box. You pulled out a towel, deciding it might be good to help clean him up some. You made a soft sound when you finally spotted the kit, pulling it out and holding it up in triumph.

Sitting beside Jungkook again, you helped him remove his shirt. There were a few tattoos and scars scattered along his chest and abdomen but you didn't have time to ogle at his naked body. You pressed the spare towel against his wound and apologized as he hissed in pain. His hand was covered red in blood — some of it having dripped down his wrist to his elbow. You noticed that his mask was gone as well.

"Okay, I'm going to put some antiseptic on it alright?" You asked, pulling the towel off slightly. "It's going to burn like...really bad but—"

"Just do it," He groaned. "Nothing can top this pain right now."

You sighed and ripped open an alcohol wipe. The second it touched the wound, Jungkook's entire body jerked and he let out a sharp word in his mother tongue that you assumed was a cuss. In another situation, you would have laughed at the reaction. Next, you cleaned it with some hydrogen peroxide, making sure to flush the wound as best you could.

"Wh-Where did you learn to do this?" He asked, voice tight with pain.

"Well...I have just basic knowledge from things I've seen on like TV and..stuff like that. So I don't actually know if I'm doing it right or not," You whispered. "But the point is it's getting cleaned, right?"

"Shit, I guess you're right," He mumbled, eyes focused on the ceiling above him.

"I-It's still bleeding, it really will need stitches...it's so deep," You whispered, watching as blood continued to seep through.

"Can you do it?" He asked.

"I don't know...the only thing we can do is try, right?" You were lucky you had a full first aid kit, complete with a sterile needle and thread.

It was quite dark and you had to lean close to see the edges of the wound. You took it slow, apologizing to Jungkook whenever the needle pierced the torn skin. Little by little, the wound was closed until you managed to tie a tight knot to ensure the stitches wouldn't open back up.

Sitting back, you let out a sigh of relief. "I have some pain medicine," You said, taking out a few tablets of Ibuprofen from the first aid kit.

"Thanks," He popped them in his mouth, wincing as he had to swallow them dry.

Then was a big sigh, his body finally relaxed against the floor. He blinked slowly, as if he was struggling to stay awake. You assumed his adrenaline rush crashed and he was growing tired — no doubt exhausted from the adrenaline crash.

"This is insane," He mumbled suddenly, voice sounding slurred.

"What is?" You questioned.

"Before I would just think of getting myself home safe and that'd be the end of it," His lashes fluttered as he fought the sleep that threatened to overtake him. "But this time...all I could think was that I had to get back to you so you would be safe. Unbelievable."

You couldn't help but smile, though he missed it as his eyes finally closed. In a matter of moments, his breathing evened out and you knew he fell asleep.

Right on the floor.

Chuckling, you shook your head and wandered to his bedroom to pull the blanket off his bed — just a thin throw blanket and one of his pillows. You returned to him and carefully, doing your best not to wake him, placed the pillow beneath his head and the blanket over his body.

Your own exhaustion seemed to catch up to you and you curled up on the couch, your own eyes shutting as you stared at Jungkook's sleeping form.

When you woke up, it was on your own. You saw Jungkook was still asleep and sighed. Quickly pulling yourself up, you wandered over to him. Sitting down, you peeled the blanket off of him. You moved his arm off his chest so you could look at his wound but you let out a harsh gasp at what you saw. Jungkook's eyes immediately popped open and sharply turned to look at you.

"What is it?" He asked, body relaxing when he realized it was just you.

"Y-Your wound..." You leaned down to get a closer look, looking at your uneven stitching over the red skin.

"What about it?" He hummed, looking down to take a look at himself.

"It's healed up..." Beneath the stitches, the skin was still reddened but there was no sign of the open wound that was once there. Just a puffy looking scar was left in its wake.

"Oh good," He sat up and stretched his arms — his joints popping at the action, making him groan. "Hand me my backpack, yeah?"

"What do you mean good?! Yesterday you were bleeding out on the floor a-and now you're acting like it's just okay?!" You cried, throwing your hands up in frustration.

He stared at you for a moment, looking confused before sighing. He rolled over and grabbed his backpack, pulling it into his lap and digging through.

"Eat something and then we'll talk, okay?" He pulled out a bar of something and when you opened it, it resembled a granola bar but was much softer.

When you took a bite, you were surprised that it tasted like meat. But it wasn't bad. Jungkook pulled out his own and quietly began eating. It was silent between the two of you, as you simply ate. Before long, you were finished and Jungkook simply threw the wrappers into his backpack.

"Now will you tell me?" You muttered, raising a brow when he sighed.

He stood up and moved over to the couch, leaving you kneeling beside his makeshift bed. He sat down and looked at you expectantly, making you rise to your feet and stumble over to sit beside him.

"I guess there's no reason to hide it," You scanned over him as he spoke, taking the opportunity to look over his body again. He was fit, no doubt, with faint abs and lovely, veiny forearms.

"So you have super healing abilities?" You asked quietly.

"We...our species produces a chemical naturally that can heal virtually anything," He explained. "It's in any fluid we excrete; even sweat. And it's in our blood, obviously."

"That's amazing..." You whispered, eyes drifting back to his wound. "Why did you let me take care of it if you knew it was going to heal up?"

"I...Because the other planets use us for it," He muttered, fists clenching. "Do you remember what I told you? About the Vorderans?" You nodded and he continued, "They...collected us for the chemical. They produce the highest quality super medicine in the solar system. And it's because they slaughtered thousands of us to get it."

"So...you didn't trust me to tell me?" You asked, though there was no tone to indicate you were trying to guilt him.

"No," He sighed. "But since you did take care of me...I figured I could at least give it a try, right?"

"Thank you, Jungkook," You smiled. "I'm really happy you're okay, you know. I was really worried. Without you, I'd be doomed here."

"That's very true," He smirked, relaxing into the couch. "You're absolutely helpless!"

"Hey!" You pouted. "You could teach me, you know?"

"Teach you how to survive out there?" He asked, nodding his head towards the door. You nodded and he shook his head. "You're too much of a target. I wouldn't be able to handle looking after you and trying to scavenge."

"I guess that's true," You muttered. "I just don't want to be a burden. You went out of your way to help me and I've done nothing in return for the fact you keep helping me."

He wore a frown as he looked at you. "You're not a burden. In fact, I actually appreciate having you around."

"You do?" You asked, your heart stuttering in your chest as he looked at you with sparkling eyes.

"Yeah," He smiled. "I hadn't realized how lonely I was. But with you here now, I feel a lot...happier. Lighter. It feels nice to not be alone."

"I...I'm happy I can make you feel that way, Jungkook," You whispered, meeting his eyes.

The two of you sat like that in silence. You felt a soft brush of Jungkook's fingers on your hand and he easily laced his fingers through yours.

You felt content; happy even.

You were curled up on the couch, unable to sleep through the howling sound of the wind outside. Rain was pouring down and the thunder was so loud your ears were ringing. Clouds blocked out the moon, blanketing you in complete and total darkness.

It was cold, Jungkook still hadn't given you a blanket and you were beginning to think he forgot. The storm had brought the temperature down drastically, leaving your teeth chattering in effect.

The storm was unlike anything you'd experienced on Earth. It was actually a bit scary.

You sat up, finally unable to take it anymore. There was no reason for you to suffer like you were.

You tiptoed over to Jungkook's bedroom and suddenly hesitated. You didn't want to wake him up for a silly blanket, you'd feel bad. Your shoulders sagged and you turned back to sit back down on the couch.

Somehow, you managed to doze off, curled up in a ball in an attempt to keep warm.

You were awoken very soon after by the weight of something warm being laid upon you. Eyes fluttering open, you met Jungkook's eyes. His brows were furrowed and when he saw you were awake, knelt down beside the couch.

"You're freezing, why didn't you ask me for a blanket?" He whispered, mindlessly tucking the blanket around you.

"I-I didn't want to wake you," You mumbled, voice wobbly from shivering.

"Don't worry about that," He grumbled. "I'd rather you wake me up than fucking freeze to death during a storm."

"I'm sorry," You whispered, eyes fluttering again as you finally warmed up. It felt so cozy beneath the blanket and it smelled just like Jungkook. "Thank you, Jungkook."

"Don't worry about it," He whispered, brushing some stray hair off your face as your eyes closed once again.

"It's my duty to take care of you now," He uttered once he was sure you were asleep.

The first time you noticed something was wrong was when you began to get dizzy randomly — usually accompanying a roaring headache. You ignored it, however, choosing to nap off the headache and continue your days on like usual.

Jungkook began going out for scavenging more and more — bringing home killed rodents and other animals. Sometimes he would come home with some rations or a snack from when the world was a functioning metropolis.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked one morning while the two of you ate some breakfast you prepared.

"Huh?" You looked up from your plate at him.

He was gazing at you, brows furrowed as usual but his head was cocked to the side. "You just look really dazed. And you're barely touching your food."

"Ah, I just..." You cleared your throat. "I lost my appetite, I guess."

"Well, I'm going to go out again today," He said, eating the last of what was on his plate. "I'll be back tonight as usual, alright?"

"Yeah, be careful okay?" You whispered, watching as he hesitated staring at you.

He lifted his hand and placed it softly on your head, smiling.

"I'll see you soon."

Left alone, you ate as much of the food as you could before you had to toss it. You found yourself laying on the couch once again, feeling sluggish and lazy. Deciding a nice nap was in order, you let your eyes flutter shut.

When you woke back up, it felt like you were hit by a bus. You groaned, your head pounding making you whine. Sitting up proved to be a bad move as you felt your stomach turn. Immediately you let yourself flop back down.

Of course you'd get sick on a dystopian planet with no access to medicine.

The hours ticked by and there was no sign of Jungkook. You'd gotten accustomed to his schedule and the general time frame you both ran in so you knew he was well overdue for his return.

You became antsy, pacing around and taking naps when you could. The cold you'd acquired seemed to only get worse as you were plagued with an unfortunate fever. Hiding under your blanket didn't help and being out from the blanket didn't help either. You whined, knowing you didn't have any medicine to help break your fever.

Feeling crappy and concerned about Jungkook made tears sting your eyes; you were always a cry baby when sick.

The door opening finally is what woke you up. Jungkook grumbled, slamming the door.

"Why the hell wasn't the door properly locked?" He snapped, dropping his bag on the floor with a bang.

"Hey...that's loud," You whined, flinching at the way your head began to pound.

"Answer me—hey...what's the matter?" He asked, losing his anger for concern.

"I'm sick," You complained, watching as he kneeled down.

"Sick?" He mumbled, looking over your face — noticing your glassy eyes.

"I have a fever," You explained with a sigh.

He hummed, bringing his hand up to press his palm against your forehead. He hissed, pulling back and sighing.

"I was so scared you weren't coming back, you were gone so long," You whispered, shakily sitting up.

Jungkook's hands hovered in the air, ready to help or catch you if you fell. "I'm sorry, I went a little further than I usually do. But I was only gone overnight. It wasn't that long."

"It felt like days," You whined, tears stinging your eyes.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, cupping your cheek and brushing some hair away from your eye. "I didn't mean to upset you so much."

"It's okay, I'm just...a crybaby," You muttered, cheeks flushing at the fond smile that crossed Jungkook's face — a cute bunny-like smile.

"I...can help you feel better, if you'd let me," He asked, moving to sit beside you on the couch. "My species can cure illnesses, remember?"

"How will you do that?" You asked, voice a little slurred.

"Well..." In the moon's illumination, you could see his ears burning red. "I...I can kiss you?"

Your mind blanked at those words, blinking several times to take in what he said. You recalled what he said about his saliva, or any fluid, possessing the chemical to cure illnesses. Still, despite the fact it was for medicinal purposes, your stomach fluttered with butterflies and your heart stuttered in your chest the idea of kissing him.

"I-I don't mind..." You uttered, subconsciously licking your lips.

He cupped your cheek, leaning down and ever so softly brushed his lips against yours. When you sighed happily at the contact, he surged forward and pulled you into a much deeper kiss. Your lips moved in unison and you couldn't help but reach up to wrap your arms around his neck.

Shuddering, you held in a whimper when his tongue met your lips. You eagerly opened your mouth, shuddering as the taste of him lingered upon your tongue. Your fingers clutched at his hair as you continued to deepen the kiss.

After several long, lovely seconds of the kiss — he finally pulled away. There was a small strand of saliva still connecting the two of you. He brushed his thumb across your lips, breaking the strand.

The two of you sighed, falling silent but he kept his hand on your cheek.

"You should rest now, you'll feel better soon," He whispered, standing up and stepping away.

You missed his touch immediately, and watched him until he disappeared behind his bedroom door.

You curled up under the blanket, fingers pressed to your lips as the feeling of him kissing you lingered. The way your heart began to race made you sigh heavily; what an effect he had on you.

The next day, you were feeling much better and were back to eating properly. You could tell Jungkook was happy; he was positively beaming and smiling at you every chance he got.

It was cute.

The two of you were playing a card game; using some cards you'd had in your bag for when you were bored on the trip through Fanet IV. You were teaching him Earth games and how to play.

You were just about to beat him for the 5th time at Go Fish when there was a heavy knock on the door. Both of you jumped and Jungkook was on his feet in a second.

His whole body was tense and his fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles were white. He carefully moved in front of you, shielding your body from the door subconsciously.

"Wh-What is it?" You asked, keeping your voice low.

"No one should come here," He whispered back. "Go hide in the bedroom, alright?"

"But Jungkook—"

"Just do it!" He snapped, giving a gentle push to your back to urge you into the open doorway.

You spared him a longing glance before he pulled the door shut with a soft click.

You took a seat on his bed, listening through the thin walls as Jungkook's heavy footsteps moved towards the door. There was a loud click as he unlocked the deadbolt.

There was a quick beat of silence before a slam so loud that you had to cover your mouth to keep from shrieking.

"Fuck! What the fuck are you doing here?!" You heard Jungkook shout.

"Followed you home," Came a gruff, almost bored-sounding reply. "You weren't very smart. Didn't even notice you were being tailed."

"Fuck," You heard Jungkook swear.

"Now, I hope you make this easy for me and just come along nicely," The stranger asked. “Maybe if you tell me where more are hiding, I'll go easy on you.”

Jungkook didn't offer a reply but you could hear heavy boots approaching the bedroom door. You kept your hands over your mouth to keep from making a peep as you slid off the bed and huddled yourself into a dark corner.

The stranger suddenly shrieked and there was a heavy thud of someone falling to the floor. Jungkook let out a string of curses before there was a crash, grunting and scuffling filling your ears.

What was going on?

From where you hid, you could see a little box beneath Jungkook's bed. As quietly as you could, you pulled it out and opened it up.

It was an array of several different knives. Eyes flicking over to the door, you hatched an idea to hopefully help.

If Jungkook didn't win, the man was going to take him away. The mere thought of that happening sent a spark of terror through you.

Picking up the biggest knife that was in the box, you tiptoed over to the door. You could still hear the two of them fighting, the sound covering up the soft click of the door opening. Peeking through the crack, you were shocked to see the table smashed completely. The man was pinning Jungkook down by his throat. Jungkook was struggling, obviously unable to get air. The stranger laughed mockingly down at him.

Your hands and knees were trembling as you quickly crept out.

"You barely even put up a fight," The stranger spat at Jungkook. "You Heajix never were able to take us on though, isn't that right? That's why we were able to kill so many of you! Such incredible strength yet still unable to protect yourselves. Pathetic.” 

You couldn't even register his words as you finally stood behind him. Jungkook's eyes were fluttering and he was dangerously close to passing out.

Steeling yourself, you raised the knife overhead and brought it down as hard as you could. The man shrieked so loud that your ears were ringing. The knife was stuck in his back, buried more than halfway through. Part of you felt proud for putting the power behind the attack.

Jungkook let out a desperate gasp, finally getting the oxygen he desperately needed. While you were distracted looking at Jungkook, the strange man spun around and grabbed you by your throat.

"I knew there was someone else here," The man snarled, squeezing your neck as hard as he could.

You couldn't even make a sound of pain as your feet were lifted off the ground. Your vision was swimming but you could make you Jungkook getting to his feet. The man, you noticed, had strange glowing eyes — as if a light were coming from behind them and illuminating the whites.

In the blink of an eye, Jungkook ripped the knife from your assailants back — making him drop you in shock. You hit the ground hard, knocking what little air you had left in you right out.

Jungkook was on the man before he could even blink, stabbing him several times until he was on his knees. Jungkook paused, chest and shoulders heaving as he glared down at the man.

Then, you watched with wide eyes as Jungkook lifted his leg and kicked the man so hard his body physically flew back. The man was limp, blood dripping from his mouth and nose — eyes open and unseeing.

"Holy shit..." You whispered from where you were still laying on the floor.

"Are you alright?" Jungkook asked, helping you sit up with a gentleness that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. His hands were coated in the intruders blood but you didn't mind.

Throwing your arms around his shoulders, you knocked him down on his butt. You hugged him tight, sighing when you felt him wrap his own arms around you.

"I-I didn't know what to do," You whispered. "He was saying he was going to take you away. I saw you were about to pass out and I knew he would take you. I'm sorry I got involved."

"Hey, it's okay," Jungkook pulled back and smiled. "You saved me! Maybe you aren't as helpless as I thought."

You smiled, shaking your head. Then, without thinking, you leaned forward and pressed your lips against his. He froze for a fraction of a second but quickly cupped the back of your head and returned the kiss.

When you parted, you asked, "So what do we do with him?"

"The Vorderans are going to come looking for him when they notice he's not reported back to them," Jungkook mumbled, looking over his shoulder at the body. "I'll take him out somewhere and dump him off where they won't be able to link it to me."

"You're going to leave right after that?" You asked, your shoulders slumping.

"I shouldn't be gone long, _____," He smiled, brushing his thumb over your pouted lips.

"But what if there are more of them? What if they take you away and I don't even know!"

As if sensing the panic in your voice, he cupped your cheeks and brought your gaze to him.

"That won't happen," He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead — sending your heart into painful palpitations. "It'll be easier to hide out there and easier to lose them if they do find me. I promise, I'll come back and everything will be okay."

"I'm just...scared, Jungkook," You admitted, feeling your eyes burn.

"I know," He sighed, pressing another kiss to your forehead. Your cheeks immediately felt like they were on fire. "But I would never leave you like that."

You clung onto him as long as he allowed you before he decided it was best to get going. He told you to hide in his room until he got back and to just rest.

"Don't open the door," He warned, though he already knew he didn't have to worry about that.

Left alone, you didn't know what to do with yourself. You'd watched Jungkook lift the body like it was nothing — which only reminded you of what the Vorderan has said; Heajix just had incredible physical strength.

You had a much better concept of time since you weren't sick and you were sure 2 days had passed since you'd last seen Jungkook. You could barely sleep, anxiety plaguing every second that he was gone.

You'd taken to sleeping in his bed, taking comfort in his scent surrounding you. Thankfully, Jungkook had managed to stock up on food so you were able to properly eat in his absence. Though it was more a mechanical task to pass the time than it was for actually sustaining you.

It hadn't occurred to you how much he had changed until you were laying in his bed one night. You thought back to the rough, cold exterior he had when you first met him. And now you were blessed with his smile and comforting caresses.

He made your heart ache in the best way and you wanted to hold him and have him kiss you over and over again. He was so sweet and did his best to take care of you.

You'd really been lucky that he was around when he was that night.

The fact he hadn't returned didn't help quell the fears of more Vorderans being around just waiting for someone to come around. For a Heajix to take away.

You didn't think you would hate an alien planet over the sake of another alien race but you knew the Heajix had been treated unfairly. It was cruel and the fact it was just allowed to happen and no one cared really made you angry.

If you ever got back to Earth you were going to do something to help.

You were lost thinking about the things you could do to help when the front door clicked open.

A spark of fear went down your spine as you sat straight up in the bed. Through the door and walls, you could hear heavy footsteps moving around.

They moved to the door and paused. You held your breath, pulling the covers up to your chin as you watched the door creak open.

A black head of fluffy hair popped in and smiled when he saw you sitting there.

"I was wondering where you—!" He was cut off by you flying off the bed and throwing yourself into his arms.

"You're home!" You gasped, burying your face in his neck. You didn't bother fighting the tears that tumbled down your cheeks.

"Yeah..." You could hear the smile in his voice as he wrapped his arms around you, fisting the back of your shirt tightly as if you would slip away. "I'm home."

"I was so worried and..." Your cheeks burned before you muttered, "I missed you."

Reaching up, he cupped both your cheeks in his hands, making you look up at him. You leaned into the feeling of his touch on your skin as he wiped your tears away ever so carefully. He leaned down, pressing his lips against yours.

"I missed you too," He smiled, pecking your lips again. "But I'm back just like I promised I would be. I told you I'd never leave you, right?"

"You're right," You whispered, moving forward to kiss him again. He eagerly reciprocated and you whined into his lips.

He gripped your hips, rough and harsh. You winced, pulling your lips away slightly only for him to chase them — muttering a soft apology before relaxing his grip.

Neither of you wasted time moving to the bed. With your back pressed against the mattress and his wide shoulders above you, you couldn’t help the shiver running down your spine.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pulled him down for another kiss.

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” He breathed against your lips.

“Please,” You whispered, reaching down to tug at the hem of his dirty shirt.

“So pretty when you beg,” He growled, sitting up on his knees to pull the shirt off.

Immediately, your hands were roaming across his chest — grazing over scars and tattoos.

He groaned when your fingers brushed over his pebbled nipples. Leaning down, he nipped against the sensitive skin of your neck. As you sighed in pleasure, he began to push your own shirt up until he was able to toss it away.

Sitting up, he let out a curse at the sight of your bare breasts. One large hand cupped one, thumb rolling the nipple harshly until you whimpered. His lips moved down your neck to take the other nipple into his hot mouth, tongue flicking the bud. Your hands wound into his hand, back arching to get more of the delicious feeling.

“Jungkook, please…” You whined, arching your hips upwards. “I-I want you so much.”

“Yeah?” He groaned against your breast, moving to take your other perked nipple into his mouth. “Who would have figured I’d already have you begging?”

“I missed you so much, Jungkook,” You whined, sniffling softly as the emotions came rushing back. “I need you to touch me, please.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” He whispered, leaning back up to peck your lips.

In one swift move, your pants were tugged down your legs until you were left in just your panties. He hummed cupping your heat through the fabric, easily finding your clit and pressing against it. You sighed, head rolling back as you ground your hips down into his touch. Unable to take it, you reached down and tugged your panties off. He allowed you, watching as you kicked them away and spread your legs for him.

“Fuck,” He groaned, dropping onto his stomach between your legs. “So pretty and wet.”

Your legs trembled as he slid two fingers between your folds, spreading them to expose your leaking entrance. He groaned, low in his chest before quickly diving in to catch some of your arousal on his tongue. You sighed, eyes fluttering close as he swirled his tongue over your clit.

“Ah, Jungkook!” You cried, gripping his hair.

“Fuck,” He growled, pulling back slightly. “Does that feel good, baby?”

“G-Gentle,” You whined, gripping his hair tighter. “It’s sensitive.”

He didn’t respond, simply chuckled before diving back in. He took your clit into his mouth and sucked until your back arched. Soon, he introduced his fingers — easily sliding two in. There was a slight burn but it lasted only a second.

“You can take 3, right?” He chuckled, rolling his tongue over your clit. “You’re gonna need that many to even think of trying to take my knot.”

“Kn-Knot?” You gasped, unable to wrap your head fully around his words as he pumped the two digits in and out.

Your hips bucked when he hit your g-spot. Your eyes rolled as he continued to abuse the spot while playing with your clit in any way he could.

“I’m gonna cum soon, Kook,” You whined, unaware the pet name had slipped through your lips.

He growled, viciously pounding his fingers upwards and suckling your clit into his mouth. Your mouth opened in a silent scream, a tight coil of pleasure winding in your stomach. Opening your eyes, you looked down to see his bangs matted to his forehead with sweat. His eyes were closed and his brows were furrowed in concentration. He looked like he was in utopia himself.

What broke the cord, however, was when he eased the third finger into you. You gasped, back arching as you cried out his name — cumming around the digits. He didn’t stop, fucking your spasming hole and sucking on your twitching clit throughout your entire high until you were whining and pushing him away.

He separated his mouth from you with a lewd pop and slid his fingers out. You felt empty, clenching around nothing as he popped his cum soaked fingers in his mouth. His eyes rolled back at your taste and he chased what was left on his lips until there was nothing left of your cum.

He stood at the foot of the bed, unbuttoning his jeans and letting them slide to the floor until he could step out of them. He wasn’t wearing any underwear and you nearly drooled at the sight of his hard cock— weeping at the flushed, red tip with a soft swell at the base of his cock.

You scooted forward on your knees, wrapping your hand around his shaft and leaning forward to slide your tongue of the slit. He sighed, head falling back on his shoulders as you took the thick head on your mouth and sucked. The taste of his precum was delectable — salty-sweet with a bitter tang.

“You’ll make me cum too fast with your pretty lips on me like that, baby,” He whispered, gripping your hair to pull you away.

You whined at the loss but let him urge you onto your back. Your feet hanging off the end of the bed and Jungkook standing at the end with a fist wrapped around his cock made you lick your lips. He looked so powerful standing over you like he was.

“Scoot back,” He ordered, crawling onto the bed after you.

With your head in the pillows, you spread your legs for him. Knees on either side of his waist, you both looked down to watch as he slid the head of his cock between your wet folds — coating himself in your juices. A split second of hesitation as he positioned his tip at your entrance felt like an eternity.

“Are you sure you want to…?” He asked softly, mindlessly slapped your clit with the head of himself. 

“Please,” You gasped, wrapping your hand in his hair to tug him down.

Your mouths simultaneously fell open as he pressed inside, the fat head spreading your walls open. The sound was wet as he sunk inside, dirty and obscene. Your eyes rolled back as he finally bottomed out — the base of him almost as thick as his head.

He dropped down onto his elbows beside your head, pulling you in for another kiss as he began to thrust in and out of your clenching walls.

Every time he sunk inside, he grazed your g-spot making you moan.

“So fucking tight,” He growled. “I don’t know if you’ll be able to take my knot, babygirl.”

“K-Kook—”

“Fuck!” He snarled, cock twitching at the sound of the nickname, slamming his cock into you harshly, making you whined. “Keep calling me that.”

“Kook!” You cried, scrambling to claw at his muscled back.

“I’m gonna knock you up, beautiful,” He breathed, chuckling when he felt you clench around him. “Oh? You like the sound of that? Tell me.”

“Pl-Please kn-knock me up, Kook,” You begged, voice breathy as you fought back sobs of pleasure.

“Yeah, sound so pretty begging for my cum,” He chuckled, reached down to find your swollen clit. “How about you cum for me first?”

Your mouth fell open as everything became even more intense. He didn’t stop the rapid circles on your clit until you were crying out his name and arching. You gushed around him, walls spasming uncontrollably as he fucked you through the high.

As you came down, everything became more intense and sensitive. Every time he sunk inside, the base of his cock would catch at your entrance and stretch you just a tad more. You clung to him, eyes closed as he fucked his knot into your sensitive walls.

“I’m gonna cum,” He warned, suddenly pausing balls deep — his knot popped into your walls, swollen big enough that he couldn't pull back out.

You could feel his cock as it pulsed inside of you — a hot rush of cum immediately following. His head fell into the crook of your neck as he moaned and trembled above you. The knot at the base of his cock throbbed — urging more and more cum out of his cock.

He chuckled darkly, looking down at your swelling tummy — having been stuffed full of his cum that couldn’t escape around his knot.

Your cunt clenched around him and you whined. You felt so full but it felt so good.

Jungkook's nimble fingers found your clit and began to circle the hardened bud in brutal circles. With a dark smirk on his lips, he met your gaze where your eyes were wide and your mouth was open in a silent moan.

"That's it...give it to me, baby," He ordered, grinding his hips against you — his knot and cock stirring your sensitive walls up. “Cum on my knot for me, like a good girl.” 

Your head fell back against the pillow as your back arched. The both of you moaned in unison at your orgasm, the tight squeeze and gush from your orgasm set him off again. Tightening his grip on your hips made you whine but the pain blended into the pleasure as Jungkook's knot throbbed as more cum poured into your already well-filled cunt. Slowly, his body relaxed and he heaved a sigh before beginning to change your positions.

His knot tugged at your walls, making you both hiss. You laid side by side, your head resting on his arm.

As you both caught your breath, you felt his knot slowly shrink until he was able to pull out completely. You whimpered at the gush of cum that followed — oozing out of your stretched entrance and staining the bed beneath you.

He groaned, dropping back onto his stomach between your legs. Feeling embarrassed, you moved to close your legs but his strong hands caught you and forced them back open. You covered your face with your hands and whined as he suddenly slid his tongue across your cum-soaked folds.

Absolutely obscene sounds of him moaning and licking you clean filled the space. Your hips jerked in oversensitivity whenever he brushed over your clit.

Sliding his tongue into your entrance, he caught and swallowed down everything he could reach. Him eating his own cum out of you had your walls clenching again and he chuckled before pulling away.

Pulling your hands away from your heated cheeks, he leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. You whined, circling your arms around his neck as he fed his cum into your mouth for you to swallow.

You moaned at the taste of him, swallowing everything he gave you — continuing to kiss long after you swallowed it. The remnants of his cum lingered on your tongue and on his lips.

Pulling back, he leaned his forehead against yours and moved to lay on his side beside you once again. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he pulled your body close to his.

The two of you dissolved into a comfortable silence; his fingers tracing random shapes along your skin and you taking in his sweet scent and enjoying the warmth of his arms around you.

You were sitting with Jungkook on the floor in front of the couch. Since the table was broken, the two of you were using the couch as a makeshift table. He had an array of papers and old book across the surface and had been spending the last two days teaching you to read the Heajix written alphabet. It was difficult and you frequently confused letters but Jungkook was patient — and gave you kisses whenever you got something right which was great incentive.

Unfortunately, the relaxing atmosphere was broken by a series of knocks on the front door. Jungkook was on his feet immediately, knife drawn and at the ready.

You stayed back, watching as he approached the door and slowly unlocked it. You watched as he took a deep breath and threw the door open.

"What—" Jungkook was at a loss. There was a man standing at the door with his hands up to show he was unarmed.

"My name is Hakyeon," He said, motioning to his badge. "I work for the Interplanetary Embassy on Earth. We received an Emergency beacon and we've been told the human was here."

"Holy shit! It actually got through?!" You cried, jumping to your feet and running over to the open door. "Why did it take you so damn long?"

Hakyeon looked confused, shaking his head. "We received it only 2 days ago...I was the nearest representative and was tasked with finding you."

"Weird..." You mumbled, shrugging your shoulders. "I guess I can go home now, right?"

"If that's what you wish still, yes," He replied, eyeing Jungkook by your side.

"Um," You cleared your throat. "Your ship will be nearby right?"

"Yes, I'll...wait for you there," Hakyeon said, taking the hint.

The door shut and Jungkook was silent.

"Jungkook—"

"I guess you're leaving, right?" He asked, keeping his eyes down. "There's no logical reason for me to ask you to stay here...it's dangerous and you should be somewhere safe."

"But Jungkook..." You reached forward to touch him but he backed away.

"If I'm honest, ______," He wandered away, leaving you to watch him. His voice was shaky, wobbling with the onslaught of tears. "I really don't want you to go and I know that's selfish! But I really don't think I can be alone again. Especially after finding someone I can actually love."

"Jungkook!" You snapped, making him look at you. You sighed speedily walking up to him and pressing your lips to his before he could back away. "I love you too."

"But—"

"Come with me," You whispered, clutching the front of his shirt in your hands. "Come back to Earth with me. We'll find someone there who will help. The Embassy would be more than willing to assist in the cleanup and protection of Palacios and Heajix. You can speak for everyone here who is struggling to survive and those you haven't."

"You want me to come with you?" He breathed, covering your hands with his. Tears still fell from his eyes but in a matter of seconds, he was smiling and pulling you against him in a hug so tight it knocked the air out of you.

"Of course I do, stupid!" You laughed, hugging him back as tight as you could. "Why would I leave you when you refused to leave me, huh?"

"...I love you," He whispered, giving you another kiss.

"Let's get our things together," You said before the two of you separated.

Jungkook packed his bag with anything important, sentimental or not. You noticed he packed his picture away with a sad smile.

Once the two of you were ready, you took his hand and walked out the door. He paused and looked behind him, at the house he'd been living in for the longest time. The boarded up windows and the water reservoir he'd spent ages perfecting.

You squeezed his hand, drawing his attention back to you. He smiled, taking the first step away.

You felt yourself relax against the seat once the two of you were on the craft. Jungkook was gripping your hand tight — it was hurting a bit but you didn't say anything. His gaze was locked on the window, watching as his home planet disappeared from view.

The surface was covered in a green, gaseous layer of pollution and smog that he seemed almost surprised to see. The pollution of the planet was most evident one outside of the planet's atmosphere.

"I'm happy you're here, Jungkook," You whispered, leaning your head on his shoulder.

"I am too," He replied, resting his head against yours as he watched the stars and planets pass by until Palacios was out of view.

#btssmutclub #bts smut #jungkook smut #bts scenarios #jungkook scenarios #bts imagines #jungkook imagines #jeongguk smut #jeongguk scenarios #jeongguk imagines #jungkook x reader #jeongguk x reader #bts x reader #bangtan x reader #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #jeongguk fanfic #bangtan fanfic

[oasisofgalaxies]

The "and Bdubs on weekends" line made me laugh, I would love to hear more details on the crew/how they all came together

The Bdubs on weekends line is because he’s. Not an engineer! He does not have a license, he just likes helping. He’s actually the station’s botanist . Cause he’s a plant guy. Glare but slap some humanoid parts on him and yes he can float and has terrible dark vision . If he goes out in the halls when the circadian lights are off he WILL scream

As for everyone else, Mumbo was an Android they found in a scrap heap and fixed up. First words out was a bunch of garbled nonsense, hence the name Mumbo Jumbo. His middle name is because he comes equipped with lazars :) He doubles as the ship’s security guard and friend! He also helps out as a mechanic too. The whole peace love and plants thing as of late is because bdubs spilled rapid grow seeds on him and it jammed his lasers. But as soon as he fixes that he’s back to mayhem

Grian is the navigator of the ship and unofficial keeper of moral. As an Elytrian he’s very in tune with everyone’s emotions and helps keep everyone’s spirits up during the days. Traveling in space can get boring sometimes. He sets up games or pranks or just general chaos to help keep things lively. He’s also bird brained so of course he perches on everyone (mainly Mumbo) and steals shiny stuff. He’s also gotten everyone, even the non pack sleepers, to have big sleepovers and it’s very nice!!

Ren is the resident dogboy. Not really, he’s a Canite, a renowned species known for their quick reflexes, warrior like fighting, and keen senses. They pride themselves on all of these are generally well liked and very respected. Scar keeps trying to play fetch with him though. But he resists for dignities sake. Sometimes. He’s another ship guard but also handles communications sometimes!

No one knows what Joe Hills does but he’s incredibly important. Also this was my friends idea but he’s from earth. Not human though, crash landed on earth Superman style. No one questioned it though he just gives off such strong Some Guy energy. But yeah he’s great :]

And yeah! X basically just started it as a small venture. He had a ship and a few people but over the years some left, some joined. They all came for work but ended up becoming friends. So many people came that they actually had to get a whole space station instead of a singular ship, not enough room for everyone! Originally it was more of a work deal but now everyone is really good friends and it’s just nice :] space adventures!!

#i need to think of others but yeah!!! #again I’m unfamiliar with anyone really outside Boatem so forgive me #nebula rambles #space au