#faith crisis

[fallen-angel-with-broken-halo]

"I was frightened even by God. I could not believe in His love, only in His punishment. Faith. That, I felt, was the act of facing the tribunal of justice with one's head bowed to receive the scourge of God. I could believe in hell, but it was impossible for me to believe in the existence of heaven."

Osamu Dazai "No Longer Human"

#book #book quotes #dazai osamu quotes #dazai osamu #religious trauma #no longer human #japanese literature #god's punishment #faith #faith crisis #literature #quotes

[gramarobin]

#faith crisis #exvangelical #religion #religious trauma #ex christian #christianity #no thank you #experience #church #god #protect kids from religion

[mallas28]

Hey there. Thank you so much for putting this out. I know it’s difficult, but believe me I understand. As a follow mha fan who has severe mental health problems and difficult family issues, DFO has always been like my safe haven.

I’ve gone through so much loss and trauma during the last 2 years and even failed 2 uni courses which took me months to get over the shock. I was introduced to mha when Covid started and it’s been my emotional support pillar ever since.

It’s a small community, but the DFO art, posts and fanfics have just helped me so much by giving me something to lean on and appreciate. I love the characters and how wholesome they are together. Just knowing DFO might not happen because of the recent chapters has really put me in a shitty spot. I was so confident about it too (Like after all that evidence you can’t seriously tell me it’s not true). It sounds so dumb and weird but to me it’s so hard and upsetting knowing that it might not happen and my comfort character (AFO) will end up dying.

I have exams this week, the chapter was the one thing I was hoping would help my sanity yesterday. Hori absolutely deserves a break, but I felt my soul twist when I heard it was a 2 week break. The ONE thing I look forward to.

I’m glad to know I’m not the only one feeling this way, neither are you. At the end of the day, even if DFO doesn’t happen, we still have this community and all the posts and past fan arts to look back at. I’m not in a good spot and I don’t mean to be hypocritical, but please keep on going, things will get better. I want you to keep a little bit of your hopes up, you never know what Hori will come up with. If you ever need support there is always someone who understands here for you to lean on and talk to. 🙏🏻

Anon, thank you for your words. I really understand your feelings.

In recent year life turn to complete mess. I really miss my cat and wanna take new,but i cant,because i do not have money to feed it.

DFO and MHA really make me feel better. No antidepressants could help me. If not only other huge circumstances in my life i would react to MHA break more lightly.

Moreover i have crisis in my faith now. No matter that i ask in praying things got worse. I asked for my cat , for my finance, for my job, for my new job. Nothing will happen or things getting worse . So i decided one day to pray for DFO reveal and MHA. (THIS SOUND RIDICULOUS I KNOW) Maybe this ridiculous request will e fulfilled and now it got much worse. I am really upset now and fear to pray.

Again anon, thank you for your support and understanding..Sorry for my English

#sorry for my english #bnha #my crisis #faith crisis #afo is hisashi #dfo #bnha dfo #dfo theory #ask

[goddess-help-us]

Well damn, that fucked me up.

I just finished watching Under the Banner of Heaven on Hulu. For those who don't know Under the Banner of Heaven is a TV miniseries adaptation of the 2003 crime investigative book by the same name that tells the story of the 1984 case of Utah v. Lafferty, where two self-radicalized LDS brothers viciously murdered their sister-in-law, Brenda Lafferty, and their 15-month-old niece and justified it using their self-propagated fanatical religious beliefs.

Under the Banner of Heaven is screenwritten by Dustin Lance Black, the famous gay screenwriter who wrote Milk. Black grew up in the LDS (Mormon) Church and eventually left. He is a natural choice to screen-write Under the Banner of Heaven given his experience.

To place the viewer in the story, Black creates a fictional main character, Jeb Pyre, who plays the primary detective. Pyre himself is LDS and the investigation he leads into the crime seriously makes him question his faith to the degree that even high-level church officials intervene in the investigation.

At the end of the series, the souls of Pyre and Brenda are shown in the Salt Lake City LDS Temple's presentation room, which contains wall frescoes of beautiful natural environments to remind LDS members of God's creation. The scene quickly changes to an actual forest, with Pyre walking his dementia-stricken LDS mother to a beautiful vista overlooking a mountain sierra, a forest, and a river. Pyre's mother has a moment of clarity through her dementia and remarks, "Oh, it's just a gift from our Heavenly Father. It's a miracle," and is overtaken by emotion. Pyre responds, "Or just to be here with you, Mom," to which his mother looks up and smiles at him. "I think that may be miracle enough for me. Is that okay, Mom?" And she immediately exclaims, "Yes, oh my god, yes!" And the scene pulls away from them showing them hugging each other in the forest.

It's just such a powerful conclusion to the series because Pyre struggles with his faith in the Church starting with and throughout the investigation. He eventually learns from the initial suspect, Allen, and that you don't need to draw your faith from any institution or organization and then also from his police colleague, Detective Taba, that you don't need to see the world through any organization's or faith's lens—you can simply appreciate it for what it is. That, instead, you can place your family at the center of your faith, not "The Church" or any church, and everything else can be accessory. And Black's writing brilliantly shows this at the final scene. By replacing the naturalistic frescoes of the Salt Lake LDS Temple with the actual natural world, Black shows that Pyre isn't letting the Church define his faith anymore. Instead, he is living authentically post faith-reckoning, loving his still-Mormon family, and able to appreciate the miracle that is, indeed, the world all around us. Whether or not it's from a cosmic being is irrelevant.

For myself it hit hard because this kind of faith crisis or faith reconciliation is a journey that I myself to traverse learning I was gay and realizing that I needed to leave the insular religious community of my upbringing. But, like Pyre, I still love my family and my relationship with them has improved tremendously over the years. I've been very lucky. As my parents age, I see their human fragility and I think about how they are both entering the twilight years of life while I am on the other end of life's journey. I see my parents in Pyre's mother and, like him, I am so thankful for the miracle that they are still here. And just how Pyre's mother accepts that life without "Heavenly Father" can still be miraculous, my parents have eased up on the polemics of their church and are now themselves trying to enjoy the remainder of their time on Earth. And I'm glad to see it.

And all of this happening during Pride, a month dedicated to celebrating the struggle to overturn stigma and live authentically and openly, certainly adds more tug to the pull on my heartstrings.

I just needed to write down these thoughts while they were fresh in my head. Thanks for reading if you've come this far.

#personal #thoughts #under the banner of heaven #dustin lance black #lds #mormon #cult #religion #pride 2022 #gay life #gay politics #faith crisis #exmo #exmormon #ex cult

[wasmormon]

I love logic and reason. I love my family. I was a temple worker with multiple callings throughout local and stake levels. I was a mormon.

I was called to do research for the Stake, to be use as a supplement in Sunday School lessons. Because of the nature of the calling, I was brought into contact with the controversial issues of church history. It was at this time that I encountered the issues regarding The Book of Abraham, Joseph’s polygamy, the seer stone, The Book of Mormon anachronisms, etc. This is when I started building my shelf. It became a rather large shelf, and it wasn’t sagging, for one reason alone.

I couldn’t figure out how Joseph Smith came up with The Book of Mormon. The explanations I’d seen from “anti” sources, just didn’t cut it. I happened upon a video presentation by Chris Johnson, “How The Book of Mormon destroyed Mormonism”, where, in short, he demonstrates that Joseph Smith, Jr., certainly borrowed from a book of his time “The Late War”, in the creation of The Book of Mormon.

Bam!! No more shelf. What had been building for over 20 years, collapsed in 2 hours. I then knew precisely how Joseph Smith, Jr., fabricated The Book of Mormon.

I resigned from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in December of 2014. It was a difficult thing to do. I’ve been called absolutely horrible things by people who I thought were inalienable friends. I was wrong. And that shows how profound the Cult of Mormonism actually is.

- Rodney

Continue reading the full wasmormon profile at https://wasmormon.org/profile/rodney-james-mcguire/

#exmormon #faith crisis #postmormon #ex mormon #deconstruction #former mormon #cult survivor #was mormon #joseph smith #mormon shelf

[annaberunoyume]

Image by shinybutton de Pixabay (Copyright-free) https://pixabay.com/fr/photos/vitrail-saint-joseph-99438/

I think I might return to Christiannity. I kinda had a life-changing experience, yesterday. Still unsure if I'll really return for real, this time. But Jesus knows I am trying and thinking about it. I kinda enjoyed my time as a Wiccan, but I realised it never gave me the same feeling of overwhelming peace as Christiannity. I hope you may all understand. I am simply trying to find peace in my life. I cancelled two Cegep classes and now I sense that the winds are changing for me. I don't want to study for higher education. I want something real, tangible, simple. A simple work, with a clear separation between work and hobbies and my home life. With a loving wife (or who knows, husband) that will love me for who I am, warts and all, even sin and all, if I may. No more nonsense.

ANYWAY, Here is a catholic prayer I came up with to help me get a good job. I hope your christian folks out there like it. Good day and Godspeed.

#catholicism #catholic prayers #saint joseph #st joseph #joseph #prayer #a new job #career #pixabay #copyright free photos #copyright free images #stained glass #amen #hallelujah #christian #confession #slice of life #my life #life changes #faith crisis

[apathtoartemis]

A Journey to Artemis; First Prayer

This post contains mention of faith-crisis, divorce, and internalized homophobia.

It was hard to start my worship of Artemis. Being a devout Mormon for 21 years--getting baptized as a child, getting endowed as an adult, and even getting married in an LDS temple to a cis-man, and continuing that marriage even after leaving the church for more years--it was, and is, heart-wrenching and life-stopping to realize that you did it all for...well, nothing.

Following the classic faith-crisis path, I went directly for what was forbidden my whole life; witchcraft. I loved the rituals that the LDS temple had, and wanted more of that in my life. With Google at my side, I was sure I would find what I was looking for. I had even purchased a Tarot deck online while a Mormon (after extensive research that it was not using the Devil to communicate, and begging my at the time husband to allow witchcraft in the home).

I continued my research and started to see things. Part of my faith-crisis was around the racism, sexism, and homophobia of the LDS church and its leaders. As I stepped into the world of White Woman Witchcraft, I started to see the same themes following us. I realized I had just scratched the surface, and I didn't want to be tricked again.

Years of research followed. From ages 22-25 I spent hours online, reading, listening, watching, consuming any material I could get my hands on, about religion, racism, misogyny. I didn't want to be tricked again.

I chose to be a solitary practitioner--a mistake for my extroverted self. Friends would ask questions and I would be both ready to explain my hyper-fixation, and terrified of them asking more questions and poking holes in the fragile ideology I had, attempting to keep away the void that was the unknown. And, all the while, I always felt that draw to Artemis; that consistent whispering and pull, that I had, ever since I was a child, and picked up a book on Greek Mythology.

I felt isolated, alone, and my connection to that spiritual, good, wild feeling I had my whole life was gone. I tried to adjust my beliefs to fit with my lifestyle; my straight marriage, mostly.

My husband of 7 years, partner of 8, finally cut the cord, and we separated. That whispering of Artemis started up again, as I moved in with my girlfriend, accepted my Lesbian-Sapphic Identity and embraced it this time, instead of shoving it into a box.

You see, the largest block in my way of worshiping Artemis was that I had, of course, been raised and conditioned to be with and love a man. That pull to Artemis was stopped by me convincing myself I wanted and had chosen to marry a man, regardless of what my heart was begging to tell me.

But now...it was different.

I stared at the Lesbian Flag I had purchased, hung on my wall, and the whispers got louder. I had followed Artemis Worshipers on Tiktok, facebook, reddit, those who were sapphic, trans, lesbian, and following the Maiden Goddess, in her Wild footsteps. I wanted that.

Hellenism has community; another thing I craved; an active base of more like-minded people, a more helpful and genuine community built on resources and history. It was checking all of my carefully constructed boxes.

I had a small statue; a maiden, with a basket of roses. I used her as a place holder on my solitary altar, and she was jarringly out of place with my husbands' nordic runes and offerings. But now it was just her, on my shelf. A painted mug with salt water joined her. I googled Greek pronunciations, practicing them, nervously pacing my room.

Finally, I was ready.

I wrote a poem as my first prayer; expressing to Artemis I knew I had ignored her for so long, ignored myself for so long, and now, I was ready.

And that wonderful, Wild energy and connection returned.

#hellenic worship #artemis #spirituality #faith crisis #hellenic polytheism

[crunchyspaghetti]

But if everything was truly made good by God doesn’t that mean that any step taken is holy?

Every breath sacred?

Isn’t that enough?

#poetry #deconstructing christianity #bad poem #but whatever #faith crisis

[stories4god]

The Role of Scriptures in Understanding God's Covenant

As I reflect on the role of scriptures in understanding God’s covenant, a few questions come to mind: How do I know there is a God? What do the scriptures say about God? Aside from testifying of God’s existence what is the main objective of the scriptures? In what way do the scriptures serve as a commentary on God’s covenant? To answer these questions, let’s first look at how the scriptures’ are…

View On WordPress

#existence of god #Faith crisis #faith journey #Relationship between Man and God

[caddy-crystal-queen]

Another life update!

So...who wants to see what the hell my rooms looked like for the past two weeks?

Yep.

That is what I've been living with for the past two weeks. And they were gonna leave it like this...AND NOT SAY A DAMN THING!!!!!!

So my mother supposedly has friends who can do get this done in a weekend. I call bullshit personally. I seriously fucking think the house is cursed, and I know why...

Tw: mention of abuse and cancer under the cut.

So before my mom got with her ignoramus ass boyfriend, she was married to another dude. This dude was a narcissistic psycho, who wound up treating my mom and siblings horribly, putting them through all kinds of hell. He wound up dying of colon cancer a few years ago, and my mom has said she's never dealing with that again.

Well...she still has the fuckers ashes outside. She refuses to let him in the house (understandably so) but I think all of us who know anything about the paranormal know that bad/angry spirits don't need to be inside to do damage, not necessarily to the house but to the residents.

Guys,I didn't have to put up with his bs because I lived down south. And now I think he's pissed at my mom and taking it out on me because I never had to deal with his assholery too much in life. So in death the bastard is making up for very much lost time. Physically I feel mostly fine. But emotionally and mentally, and spiritually, not so much.

I'm trying so hard not to lose my faith. I love my gods (I'm kemetic pagan) but I feel as though they aren't on my side in this. I feel like honestly no one really is aside from my own boyfriend. I'm having a goddam crisis and I feel alone. I tried to bring up my concerns with my mom and she basically laughed it off (the house was cleansed a while back she said) and her ignoramus boyfriend told me I was the one cursed (I about punched him in his shitty face for that), and basically berated me for feeling/believing as I do, all because his ass was homeless before he knew my mom (little does he seem to realize I think he's a part of the curse).

I just...I don't know what the fuck to do honestly. I don't know how to get over this feeling. How to get my faith back...how to get over this curse. My mom refuses to let his ashes go, and I feel it's only going to escalate.

I don't know what I want/need from this. Mostly just to talk and maybe find someone to talk with about my faith since I don't really connect with the kemetic community at large. If it helps I work with Thoth primarily, but I've also worked with Hathor and Bastet. But like I said I don't feel like any of them are on my side in this.

#life update #life sucks #trigger warning: mentions of abuse #cancer #and curses #faith crisis #kemetic pagan #christians do not interact

[vivenecii]

"Did you, uh... ever meet him?"

"Yes. Seemed a very bright young man. I showed him all the kingdoms of the world."

"Why?"

"He's a carpenter from Galilee. His travel opportunities are limited. [...] That's got to hurt. What was it he said that got everyone so upset?"

"'Be kind to each other.'"

"Oh, yeah. That'll do it."

#as funny as this dialogue is #the “be kind to each other” “yeah that'll do it” part is a summary of every faith crisis I have #you would think that religious people are kind to each other #mostly that's not the case #tell them to be kind and they'll be aggravated as if you personally insulted them #good omens #fanart #traditional #crowley #david tennant #aziraphale #michael sheen

[fallen-angel-with-broken-halo]

Because breaking up with God is messy

Was I delusional for loving you? I gave you credit where the credit wasn't due.

Whether the weather I would run to you. It's time to split the things I do from what I used to do.

Blaming myself when you don't call. Maybe you're my biggest downfall.

Was I delusional for loving you? Am I delusional?

#atheist #atheism #tawnted #was I delusional for loving you? #faith crisis #vent #Spotify

[gramarobin]

#faith crisis #deconstruction #belief #god #jesus #christianity #ex church member #exvangelical #ex fundamentalist #life after christianity #prayer #bible #church

[waste-and-want]

Slightly messy page for slightly messy leftovers 🗣

•

Another voice carried me through childhood.

I gave Him a name not my own,

called Him friend,

gifted Him guilt to hold on my behalf,

never questioned His unending presence.

There wasn’t room for two to grow in these bones.

I peeled back edges of myself,

squished sharp corners inward,

sawed off layers that didn’t fit That shape,

meanwhile still kept my ears trained to A voice.

Even after everything I still have to wonder,

what if He hadn’t told me to love you?

A comforting voice,

fabricated and softened,

speaking the confirmation I desperately wanted.

Could I have loved you as hard as I did?

Years of silence later and I can see it.

It’s just Me in here,

and the grief over the absence of two.

If you’ve heard the voices go quiet you’ll understand,

even My voice can’t explain this loss.

#poetry #original #poems #journaling #handwritten #faith #religion #faith crisis

[thresholdbb]

I'm a Kai Winn apologist but not because I think she's a good person. She's a compelling tragic character

#Winn is a pawn of the prophets #they purposefully did not talk to her #even quark has an orb experience #but the Kai doesn't get one word #she is holding onto her faith by a string and the wormhole aliens put her in that position for their own gain #the prophets are like lol snip snip bitch #they put her through hell because they needed her to bring the reckoning with the pah wraiths #she's ambitious and calculating yeah but she also lived through the worst of the occupation #plenty of people come out of trauma with negative attributes #it doesn't excuse her behavior but maybe it explains some of it #she really does just want what's best for Bajor #through the worst of it she still believes #the prophets are more ambitious cold and calculating than Kai Winn is #her crisis of faith happens because she finally gets word from her gods that she has been loyal to all this time #and it ends up being the pah wraiths and she still struggles to turn to their side #she was written as a grating character and they write her so well #star trek deep space nine #before ds9 goes off my radar for 3 months #Kai Winn #meta #I could have written that as a cohesive post and not a tag essay...

[wasmormon]

I was born and raised into the LDS faith. I paid a full tithing on my gross. At home, I actively prayed, read the scriptures, watched and attended General Conference, held Family Home Evenings with my family, and did everything else a good Mormon should do. I am an avid reader, I study cryptography and mathematics for fun, I love solving puzzles. I was a Mormon.

When the church published a series of 13 Gospel Topics Essays on their website, a friend pointed out to me that the church finally admitted that Joseph Smith was a polygamist. I fought back, because I was raised and taught that he was monogamous, and even went so far as to tell my friend he must be mistaken, or the church had it wrong.

However, I admitted that I didn’t know a lot about the issue, and promised him I would look into it. As an avid reader, and an amateur researcher, I held to my promise. But the deeper I dug into Joseph Smith’s history, the deeper I went down the rabbit hole of LDS church history.

I was soon learning not only about Joseph Smith’s polygamy, but also his folk magic, and the problems with the Book of Abraham, and the Kinderhook Plates, and so much more, to the point that it became very clear to me that the narrative I was learning was not matching the dominant narrative I learned growing up, nor the dominant narrative that is currently being taught.

I tried hard to give space for the historicity of the church claims, but every essay, paper, blog post, podcast episode, and so much more, was lined with mountains and mountains of references and citations, all of which could be verified. The “anti-mormon” literature I was reading was really the true church history, and it rocked my world.

I was deeply consumed with everything I could get my hands on to try so hard to prove that these “antimormon lies” were just that – lies. But it the exact opposite. After 9 months of intense and exhausting research, I realized that the evidence for the truth claims lied overwhelmingly with the critics of Mormonism, and not the apologetics.

- Aaron

Continue reading the full wasmormon profile at https://wasmormon.org/profile/atoponce/

For months, I dealt with anger and depression, as I tried to wrestle with 40 years of my life essentially being a lie. But, the storm settled, the relationship with my wife grew stronger, and now I have honest conversations with my wife and daughter about real issues, doctrine and policy, that shape our lives and the lives around us. These discussions are healthy, they provide deep reflection and introspection into difficult topics, and we have a space where we are happy, vibrant, and authentic.

Share your own story at wasmormon.org

#exmormon #faith crisis #former mormon #joseph smith #was mormon #deconversion #ex lds #mormonism #polygamy #book of abraham #kinderhook plates #gospel topic essays #faith deconstruction