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#everyone telling xl he’s too young to be doing this and him realizing that they’re right and he really does t understand much is something
wwxwasright · 2 years
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the best part of tgcf is that it understands that 17 is NOT old enough to have enough of a nuanced view of the world to be a god with the responsibility it entails. like yeah no wonder xie lian’s first ascension ended the way it did when he was a teenager who had never experienced any significant hardship in his life.
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Hell to Pay: Chapter Fifty-Six
I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII, XXX, XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV, XXXV, XXXVI, XXXVII, XXXVIII, XXXIX, XL, XLI, XLII, XLIII, XLIV, XLV, XLVI, XLVII, XLVIII, XLIX, XLX, LI, LII, LIII, LIV, LV
cowritten by @lux-scriptum
Biela was in one of the cities of Assyra, helping provide some form of comfort and support to the many grieving families left without their young. The cities of her kingdom were slowly building their way back to their former glory thanks to the war ending, but there was still much, much work to be done.
And she would not rest until it was.
She was still half tempted to take her frustrations out on that angel and his foolish cousin who decided to defy nature in her lands, leaving her people to pay the consequences. But she held back, if only so they could live with what they had done.
Dacia and Caius both were with her to provide as much light and warmth in this time, something she had always lacked the ability to provide. Dacia stood by her side while combing the streets for a period of respite.
“I do hope this haunts them,” Biela said, darkly, letting Dacia link their arms together.
“I am sure it will,” Dacia replied. “Levant and Amara both.”
“Hmph.”
They let silence fall for a bit longer when she felt a tugging at her skirt. She nearly thought it was some mangy animal, but stopped moving when she realized it was a child that was clinging to her skirts, clearly trying to keep herself from tumbling to the ground.
“Who’s child is this?” Biela demanded, looking around.
Dacia was already moving to scooping her up when Biela locked eyes on a violet eyed child that had a hand half reaching for the toddler in Dacia’s arms. She nearly went after them had it not been for their bolting like a rabbit, likely to get as far away from Biela as physically possible.
Of course it ran. Biela never had much luck with children capable of forming their own opinions. They more often than not were best left silent. But for some reason, this particular toddler decided to demand her attention.
Dacia seemed to be looking the child over, checking for cuts or bruises, though she couldn’t find any. She gave Biela a look that had Biela frowning at her. “What.”
“Well, clearly she had a home.”
“Oh really?” Biela asked. “From the looks of it I’d say she was missing a few requirements for that, considering her very dirty skin on top of her very dirty clothes.”
“Well all the more reason to take her with us,” Dacia replied. “Children are dying. We cannot let another fall through the cracks.”
“I suppose,” Biela said, eyeing the child staring right back at her. She squinted.
When the child removed her hand from her mouth, as soaked with slobber as it was, she still reached out for Biela. Biela frowned in distaste. She had been soaked in blood once, but she still was not a fan of fluids from infants. “I will not take you,” Biela retorted to the baby. “But fine, we will bring her with us.”
Biela thought back to the last thing Raziel had said to her the day before. That ‘Congratulations’ stuck out in Biela’s mind and she had half a thought to go wring that old bird’s neck.
She hated seers.
---
Lev was closing the door to Eden's nursery oh so carefully when Ash found him. And by found him, Lev meant Ash smacked the side of his leg with his cane. Lev stifled a yelp, so he didn’t wake Eden, and glared at Ash. It was safe to do so because Ash couldn’t see him.
“Ow,” Lev mumbled, sidestepping another sweep of the cane. “I- can I help you?” He paused, and quickly corrected himself. “Is everything okay?”
“Hm. Pick a new tone,” Ash said, flippantly. “I want you to make yourself useful and take me to Cameron’s library.”
Lev sighed softly, and started walking. “It’s this way,” he said, just to get Ash started. “Though I don’t think he’s got any books in braille.”
“Well lucky for me I’m not going to be the one doing the reading,” Ash replied, following after him.
“Am I-” Lev bit off his questions, and instead said, “It’s up these stairs, and then we’re gonna take a left.”
Ash slowly followed after him, taking one step at a time, clearly not quite used to climbing the stairs without the morsels of eyesight he once had.
Lev quietly narrated the path he took to one of the tables he liked to frequent during the few times he’d had the time to sequester himself away in the library. It was near the very meager collection of fiction Cameron had; most everything else in here seemed to be non-fiction of all sorts.
“I’m sure there’s a system,” Ash said, side stepping the things in his way. “Knowing Cameron it’s bound to be just as elaborate as his many personalities.” At Lev’s confusion Ash sighed. “A catalogue. Something to classify the books to keep them separate by title or genre or subject or something.”
“Oh. Oh. Yeah. There is. Do- do you need me to find you a book?”
“I want you to find every book in Cameron’s library about the gods,” Ash said, leaning against one of the shelves. “You’re going to actually learn something about well, something aside from whatever romance novel you are currently gurgitating.”
“Gurgitating,” Lev mumbled to himself, trying not to sound annoyed. He puffed out a breath, and then, “I’ll see if I can find a few. There’s a table next to you if you want to sit.” Though Ash might prefer to stand, so he could complain about that too.
He could feel Ash’s glare against his back. “I’m coming with you, genius,” Ash said. “How about you knock the attitude off. I can feel your passive aggressive puffiness from here.”
Lev considered that, and then decided honesty was the best policy. “I’m just a little cranky,” he said, and then added, “And so are you. I’m sorry if I’ve been snapping at you, though. Shouldn’t take crankiness out on someone else. Not their fault.”
“Duly noted,” Ash said. “I’ll be sure to pass that along to someone who cares. Now take me to the books.”
Lev led the way, gathering every book Ash told him to, up until his arms started to get tired, and then he very firmly insisted they go back to the table. “I can’t carry any more,” he said, “And I certainly can’t read all of these in one sitting. The rest aren’t going anywhere.”
“That’s fine,” Ash said, taking a few books from him to tuck under his arm. “You won’t be able to retain all of what you need to know if you do that.”
Lev sighed, loud enough for Ash to definitely hear this time, but just settled down at his table, spreading the books out. Ash took the chair across from Lev and had him pull out the first book.
“Do you want me to read out loud?” Lev asked after a moment of staring at the introduction.
“Tell me what you know about the gods,” Ash said. “The angels should have given you a rudimentary understanding of each god in school, but angelic teachings tend… to embellish a little and make Asmi seem more important than the others. Which is not to say they’re not important,” Ash added, hastily. “As they are the god to the angels, but each is important and I want to figure out how much work you’re going to need to understand.”
Lev paused, trying to dig up memories well over a century old. “I knew of Asmi,” Lev confirmed. “And they said that demons split their worship between... Five? Five gods? I think? I know demonic magic is tied to specific gods. I think. Or- there’s a choosing?”
“There is Kaveh, the oldest- twin to Asmi, who is the one who created both the other gods and the demons. Demons were pulled from the earth as angels were the stars. Kaveh’s magic is one of the most powerful, bestowed as they are the oldest god in the pantheon,” Ash said. “They rule magic such as telepathy and forms of telekinesis and other mental based magics.”
Ash took a breath. “Asmi, as Kaveh’s twin, was born at the same time. It was just them alone in the universe, right? Asmi created the angels so of course they would become the patron to all angels. As they are tied to the natural balance, all our abilities come from nature.”
“Third,” Ash said, “Is Mizra. Mizra is the seer. Knows all that is, was and all that could be. They’re known for being relatively… prickly, I guess. Just like Kaveh, but a different flavor. Next is Ruya. Ruya is the god of echos and reigns over the illusion workers. And lastly is Basim who rules over empathy based magics. Anything having to do with the emotional spectrum. Each god has access to the rawest magic, but only demons can access the designated power that each god rules over.” He paused, took another breath and leaned back. “Does any of that make sense?”
Lev blinked several times. “I...” he trailed off. “That was a lot. But.. I think so?” Even though Ash couldn’t see, Lev ticked them off on his fingers, “Kaveh is the oldest, and rules mental magics. Asmi is balance, Mizra is the Sight, Ruya is echoes and illusions. And- Um. Bas- Basim is empaths?”
“Yes,” Ash said, satisfied. “They’re each patron to a particular person they find interesting, so a person can have two gods bugging them, but only hold power for one, if that makes sense? They might just… be a little more enhanced. Kaveh: the cunning and resourceful; Asmi: the natural order and witches; Mizra: survivors; Ruya: the wild and unchained, and Basim: patron to the merciful.”
“I... I think so?” Lev said hesitantly. “Does everyone have a god who is their patron? Or only specific people?”
Ash rose a shoulder. “I think it’s just certain people that the gods have taken a liking to. I haven’t read anything about every single demon having a patron on top of their god.”
Lev nodded slowly. “Okay,” he said out loud after a moment. “I think that makes sense.” He tapped his thumb on the book, and then asked thoughtfully, “Do gods favor bloodlines? I never really paid much attention to if demons’ magic was genetic or not...”
“I do think sometimes it’s through bloodlines, unless a god has deliberately chosen the child. Their magic usually comes in around five to seven years old; just like an angel’s,” Ash said. “The gods wait to see what the child will grow into and go from there.”
“That makes sense,” Lev mumbled, more to himself than anything, and then said, “So there’s no real way to know what kind of magic Eden will have, then?”
“Not until she’s close to five, no.”
Lev gave a small hum. “Does Asmi ever choose demons?” He asked, just out of sheer curiosity.
“If they find a liking to a person, sure,” Ash said. “They’ll most likely bless that bloodline. Isn’t Sorin a demon with fire magic anyways? Also, Asmi likely is responsible for the few powerful bloodlines of demonic healers. They’re very rare, just like elemental demonic users.”
Lev gave a few blinks. “I didn’t-” He thought again. “Right. Fax’s cousin.” After another awkward pause, he added, “I forgot. Fax had fire magic too. He just so rarely used it. Mostly to light his cigarettes or the fireplace.”
Ash looked vaguely disapproving with the mention of cigarettes, but said nothing about it. “Sazra’s bloodline is most likely one blessed by Asmi. She’s one of the very few demonic healers I have met. And she’s a very strong one at that. Probably why she was in this house for so long. Demons were never very kind to their healers- always enslaved them.”
Oh. Lev looked down. “I’m guessing she wouldn’t want my pity,” he said slowly.
“Probably not,” Ash said. “But back to what I was saying. Power and magic are tied to the gods and the gods are tied to us. Sometimes even the gods walk among the people, though Asmi is somewhat trapped in their realm whereas the other gods are not.” Ash grimaced. “Instead they get to use me as their mouthpiece.”
“They’re trapped?” Lev asked, his concern getting dragged away from Sazra. “That sounds awful.”
“Less trapped and more they don’t have a physical form,” Ash admitted. “If they want company from us mere mortals they are very capable of yanking us to them.”
“Oh,” Lev said, considering that. “Do they do that often?”
“I’m not sure with other people besides me,” Ash said, “but they sure do like my company. Maybe a little too much.”
“I’m sorry,” Lev said honestly. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“It’s fine,” Ash said. “I’ll manage.”
Lev frowned, but Ash couldn’t see. He tapped the book with his thumb. “Do the gods talk directly to their followers often? Like when... when Asmi spoke to me, before I came back? Or did they only do so because I was... partly dead.”
“I think… they were curious and infuriated. Not many people show up on the gods' radar. When they do, they take notice.”
Lev nodded. “So they don’t visit people often. And that’s true for all the gods?”
Ash lifted a shoulder. “From what I’ve seen, yeah. Maybe us mere mortals aren’t all that interesting in the grand scheme of things, though I’m sure they do find our little lives absolutely hilarious sometimes.”
“Ah,” Lev said, rubbing his face. “I suppose bastardizing nature would put me on their radar,” he sighed.
“And now we don’t have magic,” Ash said, sardonically. “I’m sure we’ll be hearing from Asmi soon.”
---
Cameron was seated in the chair while Darius napped. He had been working on the backed up paperwork from the last several days. He had a solid chunk of paperwork from both the club and further Obsidian Court workings when there was a feather light knock on the door.
He bit back his irritable sigh and looked up to see one of the sentries standing stiffly in the doorway. Cameron flicked Darius a look, to make sure he was still sleeping before fixing his attention on the sentry. “What do you want?”
“There’s an angel here,” they said.
“I am aware there are several angels here,” Cameron said, crossly. “Be more specific.”
“Raziel,” he rushed out. “Um, she said her name was Raziel.”
Oh brilliant. “And what does that overcooked chicken want?” Cameron said, flatly. “Lev is unable to speak with his family for the next several decades.”
“She’s here for you, sir.”
“You can tell Raziel to fly her carcass back to her roost,” Cameron said, turning his focus back to his work, dismissing the sentry to do his bidding.
Cameron had but a few moments of peace before the sentry returned, looking rather ashened. “I’m afraid she was rather insistent, sir.”
Cameron sighed sharply out of his nose and got to his feet. The sentry stiffened slightly as Cameron walked past him, ordering him to not take his eyes off Darius while Cameron dealt with the ancient angel.
“And to what do I owe this displeasure,” Cameron said, eyeing Raziel, sliding his hands into his pockets.
“Mizra sent me,” Raziel said, irritatingly calm as always. “So unfortunately, I am not able to leave until I’ve passed their message along.”
Cameron’s eyes narrowed slightly. “I haven’t been to a temple in well over five hundred years.” In fact, he had never stepped foot inside one to begin with. “Why would they bother themselves with my presence now?”
“Both kingdoms are healing,” Raziel said. “And they’re tired of waiting for you to come to them. I’m sure if I hadn’t reached out to them for my own reasons they would have found another way to reach out to you and demand you listen.”
Cameron fixed his jaw. “We’ll speak in my office,” he said, walking past her.
Raziel followed him, staying a good three paces behind him until they reached the office. She even settled in the chair without prompting, hooking one knee over the other.
Cameron took his place behind his desk and leaned back. He eyed her for a few seconds, trying to figure the best approach to handle both Mizra and Raziel. “I have not participated in the Rite,” Cameron said, evenly. “I am not able to, so I do not have any connections with Mizra.”
Every demon born had their god and had their own coming of age where they cemented their connection to their god. Every demon, legitimate or not, was supposed to form the connections with their god in order to fully claim their abilities. Cameron never had, his mother had forbade it, so his magic was barely a whisper of anything- calling it a magic felt like too grand of a word. He had never spoken to a priestess, of any god. Cameron had no Rite to claim.
Raziel didn’t even blink. “Then complete it. Before Mizra starts meddling more personally.”
“I do not have the time,” Cameron said. “And I am now much too old. Have been for well over five hundred years.”
“Make time. Your god demands it.” She flicked her fingers at him. “Your household doesn’t need a second god looking at it with ire. Nothing I remember of the Rite says you can’t complete it later in life.” Her silver eyes tracked his every minute move. “I’m sure you’re not the only one with subpar parents.”
“I suggest you do not speak ill of my parents,” Cameron said, flippantly. “They’re my problem and they’re also dead. No need for you to make judgements that do not pertain to you. Besides, the Rite is a demonic passage. Perhaps you should keep to your own lane in that matter. I will make time, but it will have to wait.” Cameron rubbed his temples, alleviating the growing pressure. “As I said, I am busy.”
“I did not mean offense,” Raziel said mildly. “I spoke only of what Mizra told me. And on top of what they’ve said of your parents, ill or otherwise, they have insisted you speak to them.”
“What part of ‘I am busy’ seems to get lost in your decrepit mind?” Cameron snapped.
It was then that Cameron felt himself be… pulled somewhere; he and Raziel both. Cameron went very still when a very pale… being was standing in front of him. Mizra, he presumed, with their pale skin and white hair, almost a similar likeness to himself. They looked less than pleased to drag him here into their realm. “When I request you,” they said, coolly. “I do not mean to be put off for something you consider more important. There is nothing more important than I, do you understand me?”
“My apologies,” Cameron said. “I did not mean any disrespect.”
Mizra’s eyes narrowed. “There is not an ounce of respect in your frail little body, Cameron Luain.”
“Mizra,” Raziel said. “It would make pulling us here rather pointless if you lose your temper now.” And then she smiled at the god.
Mizra fixed their mouth into a thin line. “Your mother,” they said, turning back to face Cameron, “defied my wishes when she decided to keep you from me in attempt to keep you powerless.” Cold washed down Cameron’s skin. “She is now rotting in the ground and no longer an obstacle, therefore, I am very kindly requesting you have the Rite performed.”
Cameron flicked Raziel a glance before tightly folding his arms over his chest. “I suppose I will make the time,” he bit out, bowing his head slightly.
He could feel their very smug faint smile directed his way. “Very good,” they said. “It seems when I told Raziel to fix you, I had not accounted for how foolishly bullheaded you male creatures are.”
“Thank you for your assistance,” Raziel interjected. “I apologize I was not able to successfully pass along your message on my own.”
Mizra frowned at her. “Yes, I do suppose you did fail in your one task, Raziel. I had expected far better from someone I had blessed.”
“I suppose I’m out of practice,” Raziel replied. “I’ll do better next time.” If Cameron didn’t know better he’d say Raziel’s silver eyes, so eerily similar to Mizra’s, crinkled with affection at the god.
“As you should,” Mizra said, primly. “Failure is unacceptable and I would so hate to find someone else to keep me company. Most of you mortals are rather boring.”
Cameron was rapidly growing all the more irritable with these too ancient beings and found the phantom pain in his head to be growing steadily behind his eye.
Mizra cut their focus to Cameron. “And while I have you here,” they said, “I expect you to start eating something. You’re too thin and disgusting. You need to eat more.”
Cameron stared blankly at the god. “You want me to eat more?” he echoed.
Why would a god care about his eating habits?
“Oh please,” Mizra huffed, “I do detest repeating myself.”
“I could always check in on him,” Raziel offered.
Cameron cut her a withering glare. The last thing he needed was Raziel to babysit him. “Last I checked,” Cameron said, “you were barred from Lev’s presence.”
Mizra waved a dismissive hand. “You make it sound like I care what your little king wants,” Mizra said. “Raziel will do my bidding and hold your hand if need be.”
Cameron felt rage boil under his skin, but promptly kept his mouth shut.
“I highly doubt I’ll need to go that far,” Raziel said, amused.
“Was there anything else you required of me,” Cameron bit out.
“Oh very well, very well,” Mizra said, “If you’re going to act like a child I will send you back. Raziel, I will speak to you soon.”
With that, Cameron felt himself be dropped into his body.
Raziel looked annoyingly unruffled. “So I’ll see you next week?” She said lightly.
Cameron got to his feet and leaned over his desk. “Get the hell out of my house right now,” he snapped. “If you are not off of my property in the next five minutes I will not be so pleasant. Get out now.”
Raziel lifted a single brow, but stood gracefully. “I’ll let you know before I come over next time,” she said on her way out. “Do not make Mizra wait much longer. They have much less patience than I.”
Cameron let the door shut behind her before he nearly collapsed in his chair. He grabbed his head, tight, hoping to alleviate the pressure building, but it did very little.
---
Nik woke from his nap, still angry and irritable. The last twenty-four hours had not done much for his temper so he had taken a nap. And that did not help either. He wandered the house and found a rather beautiful man in the bedroom, sitting up in the bed. “Well you must be Darius,” Nik said, crossly.
The man gave him a rather mild smile and nodded.
Nik’s eyes narrowed. “So are you crippled and can’t talk or are you being annoying on purpose.” When Darius didn’t say anything, because of course he didn’t, Nik said, “Right, whatever. So I guess you’re Cameron’s boyfriend or something? And you were dead, so why didn’t you stay dead? Nevermind, that’s stupid. I guess if you were going to defy nature, you might as well do it for Cameron.”
Darius cocked his head and reached for a pad of paper only to scribble a ‘It’s nice to meet you, Nik.’
“Oh please,” Nik said, “I’m being a dickhead to you. You don’t need to lie to me.”
‘I’m not lying,’ Darius wrote. ‘I’m rather used to crass language when people are upset.”
“I’m being crass?” Nik demanded. “I think you being alive is rather inconvenient for me since everyone in this damned house knows who the hell you are besides me.”
‘I apologize for Cameron not telling you,’ Darius said. ‘It was all rather sudden. I do hope we can be friends, Nik.’
Nik rolled his eyes. “Do I look like someone who has friends?”
‘Ash and Amara seem rather fond of you,’ Darius observed.
Nik rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, Ash and Amara make bad choices daily, so I wouldn’t hold either of them to a high standard. Case in point: bringing people back from the dead and killing a million kids, but hey, what do I know?”
And now he’s in the line of fire.
Sympathy shone in Darius’ eyes and it took tremendous effort to not wipe that infuriating look off his face. “Stop looking at me like that,” he snapped. “I’m not Cameron and I’m sure as hell not Lev. Puppy eyes don’t work on me.”
‘Well, I’m actually a cat.’
“Oh great,” Nik said. “You’re a cat.”
Darius gave him a dry, feline smile. ‘Not a fan of cats?’
“Not this particular one.”
‘If it helps,’ Darius wrote. ‘Cameron loathes cats as well.”
“Well he clearly likes you,” Nik said, frowning. “If you claw up my clothes, I’ll cut your hair off.”
‘Well, I will make a note to leave your clothes alone,’ Darius replied.
“I think you enjoy mocking me,” Nik said. “You get to waltz in and drop into my relationship because Cameron killed you or something. I’m sure the whole thing was very traumatic.”
That was the moment Lev chose to poke his head in. His brows furrowed in his usual expression of worry, and he was quick to cross the room. Nik folded his arms as he watched Lev kiss Darius on the cheek.
Traitor.
Lev was just as quick to tuck himself into Nik’s side, however, insistently tugging at Nik’s arms until he could pull it around his shoulders. Against his will, Nik felt himself loosening as Lev scented him, a low soothing purr coming from Lev as he did.
“Is everything okay?” Lev asked.
“I mean I guess,” Nik said, crossly. “I wake up to him in my bed that I can’t even sleep in because I guess it was his bed first, or something.”
Lev nosed at Nik’s jaw lightly. “It was,” Lev said unhelpfully, and then, with irritating optimism, Lev added, “We can pick another room. Any room. I doubt Cameron will make you stay in the rooms he’s moved us to right now. And I also doubt he’d say no about much of anything when it comes to decorating your new room. Not right now, anyway. The opportunities are almost endless.”
“Whatever,” Nik said. “I have to move around my life because Cameron felt bad for killing the guy.” He glared at Darius frowning at him. “You’re not special,” he said. “Just because you’re some pretty face doesn’t mean shit. We’re all pretty faces. Don’t expect me to get in line to kiss your ass like everyone else.”
Darius blinked at him, seemingly bewildered, but he just nodded at him.
“Nikolas,” Lev chastised, but even his scolding was tempered by worry. “Darius hasn’t done anything. And I was the one that asked for him; I’m the one that told Cameron he was still there.” Lev hesitated, and then added gently, “Darius helped me while I was dead. He kept me steady, kept me sane. He deserves another chance as much as I do. More. He’s a kind person, Nik. That’s all.”
Nik sighed through his nose. “Fine,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Is Cameron home or is he going to resurrect some other not-boyfriend?”
Lev shrugged. “Last I saw he was in here with Darius, so I don’t know.”
‘I think he’s in his office,’ Darius offered.
“I’m hungry,” Nik mumbled, pathetically.
“I can go get Cameron,” Lev offered, oh-so-helpfully. “With everything going on I don't think it’s a good idea for us to touch anything in his kitchen. Besides, Eden should wake up from her nap soon, and she’ll need a snack too.”
“Okay.”
---
Lev knocked on Cameron’s office door lightly, but didn’t wait to open it. The room was dark, and Lev almost assumed it was empty, but he heard a quiet, “Shut the door,” from the direction of Cameron’s desk, so he slipped inside, closing it obediently.
After letting his eyes adjust, Lev realized Cameron was bent over the desk, head in his arms. Lev chose to approach slowly, hovering his hand over Cameron’s shoulder before ultimately letting it drop back to his side instead. “Are you okay?” he asked gently.
“I’m fine,” Cameron said, stiffly. “Just a headache.”
Right. Lev worried his lip between his teeth. “Nik’s hungry,” he finally said. “I can make him something, if you’d like.”
“Fine,” Cameron said, dismissively. “Just clean up after yourself.”
Lev nodded, but didn’t move. “I had something else to ask,” he finally said. “If that’s okay?”
“Alright.”
“I should probably get back to training, if I can get Ash to sign off on it? Or Sazra?” Lev fiddled with the bottom of his shirt, and then grimaced. “Or- can I? I don't- it doesn’t have to be you, but- I had planned- without my magic- well, without my magic, I really am useless, aren’t I? And I don’t like feeling like I’m a vulnerability for Nik, especially when he’s pregnant.” He took a deep breath, hardened his tone. “I won’t let anything happen to my mate.”
“Probably,” Cameron agreed. “Get it okayed by Ash and Sazra and I will put it into my schedule. I’ll fit you in.”
“I- oh. Okay,” Lev said, trying not to be too enthusiastic. He put his hand on Cameron’s shoulder as he started to say, “Thank you,” but his voice died a little as he realized just how thin Cameron’s shoulder was.
Cameron carefully removed Lev’s hand from his shoulder. Even in the dark Lev could see Cameron giving him a slow once over, noting how clothes that had fit perfectly a month ago were just a little loose now. Lev hadn’t paid attention before, but Cameron’s shrewd gaze made him hyper aware.
“Make sure you eat too,” was all Cameron said in the end. “And close the door behind you when you leave.”
Lev swallowed. He ran his fingers through Cameron’s hair once, just to reassure himself that he could, that they were both still there and then backed for the door. “I’ll bring you something later,” he promised. “And some painkillers.”
He made sure that the door clicked shut as quietly as he could.
---
While Cyrus flipped through one of the several books he’d lain on the bed, Sorin napped sprawled on his lap. Sorin’s surprisingly strong tail wrapped around his wrist insistently, the prehensile appendage tugging every once and a while as the demon dreamed.
Cyrus had spent the last few hours reading up on the gods. While he was certainly more educated, he felt like it was only a surface level understanding of them. Which- understandable. There was a lot, and these were gods.
Rather than continue to stare blankly at the pages, Cyrus settled more deeply into the pillows he was propped up against. Sorin huffed at him, his tail tightening briefly, but when Cyrus made no move to get up, the demon fell asleep again pretty quickly.
Once the house was quiet, Cyrus closed his eyes and tried to remember how Darius had shown him how to reach out for Asmi. It’d certainly been more ritualistic than Cyrus was able to do right now, but even attempting without the words and candles and pomp and ceremony, when Cyrus opened his eyes, he was back in the warm room, Asmi seated before him.
“Asmi,” Cyrus said, dipping into a small bow. He looked up, offering a small smile. “Will it always be that easy to reach you?”
Asmi lifted a brow. “If you were aware of your studies, you would know,” they said, amused.
Cyrus gave a shrug in acquiescence. “True,” he said, “But who better to ask my questions than you? I’ve been reading, while my mate keeps me on bedrest. Trying to understand all of it. The sheer amount of literature to wade through is... overwhelming.”
Asmi brought their tea to their lips. “I imagine getting caught up on nearly forty years of spellwork will take you some time. I’m sure you will now have plenty of time to do so without your magic distracting you.”
“Was taking my magic an opportunity to learn or a punishment?” Cyrus asked, out of sheer curiosity.
Asmi merely gave Cyrus a slight smile.
Cyrus settled in the closest chair with a bit more weight than he usually would. It seemed even in this dimension he was weaker than usual. “Some things have to remain a secret, then?” He asked, mulling it over.
“I told you there will be a price to pay,” they said. “You will pay it tenfold. I do not like to be made weakened by anyone, and this time, my point will be made.”
“I understand,” Cyrus said quietly. “I don’t take this lightly, and I will work hard to learn what I can while without magic.”
“Excellent,” Asmi said, setting their mug of tea down. “You will not regain your magic until I am satisfied.” Asmi flicked a hand, and with a ripple of magic Ash, Lev and Darius appeared in the room with them.
Ash was quick to bow deeply before standing upright wearily. “You summoned me?”
Cyrus flicked a glance at the other two; Lev was quite bewildered, though he gave an echo of Ash’s movements after a beat. Darius gave his own slow bow before quietly buckling into the chair behind him.
Cyrus thought about moving to check on him, but Lev beat him to it, fussing quietly while keeping an eye on Asmi warily. As much as he hated to admit it, he was relieved. It would have taken a lot of energy to stand. Instead he fixed Asmi with another curious stare. “I assume you have a message for all four of us?”
“You should watch your assumptions,” Asmi said. “But yes, I do and I did not feel the need to repeat myself four different times.”
“Apologies,” Cyrus murmured, before falling silent expectantly.
“Apologies noted,” Asmi said, crossing their legs. “I have spoken to Levant already, about carrying a piece of the burden should you defy the natural balance once more. You have all felt its effects. There is and will be a void where your magic was and would be, and that void shall remain until you earn the right to your magic. I demand respect from the lot of you and for you to learn a lesson.”
Ash looked a mix of rage and submission but ultimately hung his head without a word.
“How do we earn it?” Lev asked, and then immediately looked like he wished the ground would swallow him up. Cyrus grimaced in sympathy, but he’d been wondering the same thing, and so he simply looked to Asmi again. Earning it could mean a thousand things, and they were all from different places and backgrounds in life.
A serpentine smile curled on Asmi’s lips. “I am glad you ask. You will all learn everything about the gods, you will worship and devote yourselves accordingly. You will become nearly as knowledgeable and devoted as a priestess and you will not have your magic returned to you until all of you satisfy me. Not one, not three. All four of you will satisfy me or none of you will satisfy me.”
“Understood,” Cyrus said. He’d honestly expected something worse, and judging by the surprise on Lev’s face, so had the angel. Ash and Darius were harder to read, but that was just fine.
Asmi’s eyes narrowed, seemingly reading his mind. “Be glad it is not Kaveh. Would you wish to want harsher punishments, I am sure they will be more than willing to provide.”
“Of course,” Cyrus murmured. Where faint enthusiasm had grown in Lev's expression, it’d quickly become ashen, and he’d reached for Darius’ hand silently.
Darius quietly squeezed Lev's hand. “Your mercy is much appreciated,” Darius murmured, hoarsely. “We will do all that you ask.”
Lev nodded vigorously, again simply echoing the sentiment.
“I will make sure to help in any way,” Ash said. “I already have Lev reading the old books on the various gods from Cameron’s library.”
Cyrus nodded slowly. “I might reach out to you,” he said to Ash, before adding, “And Sorin can find resources for me in places I cannot go. Though it might be a few days; we’re going to be moving soon, before Biela’s mercy wanes. I won’t be welcome in demonic territory at all for the foreseeable future, if ever.”
“I can’t leave Cameron’s house,” Lev piped up nervously. “And Darius shouldn’t be moving around much yet either.”
“Well it’s not like your magic is going anywhere,” Asmi replied. “I’m sure you will figure out how to get to a temple. The lot of you are irritatingly creative.”
“Best see if Biela has any mercy left to spare,” Cyrus advised, even as he thought internally that they might not get their magic back in the next half century just from this.
“Better chance of draining the ocean with a straw,” Ash muttered.
Lev sighed softly, and looked down at Darius. “I can talk to Cameron,” he said. “We’ll figure it out.”
When Darius nodded tiredly, Asmi said, “If you all have nothing else interesting to say I am sending you back.” They didn’t give much room for Lev, Darius, or Ash to speak before they disappeared.
Cyrus blinked at where they had been. “Thank you,” he said, and then clarified, “For taking the time to explain. You could have left us to flounder.”
“I see no point wasting my time,” they said, dismissively. “You will likely have the most to learn, as you think you are above myself and had performed that heinous magic twice. You will find my mercy and my forgiveness is not easily won.”
Asmi waved a hand and sent Cyrus back to his body. Judging from how Sorin’s face was so close to his he could feel the demon’s whiskers tickling his face, it’d been obvious that Cyrus hadn’t been in bed with him in any way beyond physical. Sorin pressed a paw to Cyrus’ chest slowly, spreading his toes and digging his claws in. Five sharp points let Cyrus know just how pisssed Sorin was.
“Alright, alright,” Cyrus muttered. “I’ll rest.”
Sorin gave a pointed sniff, but backed off, nosing the books onto the floor before Cyrus could move them himself. He draped himself across Cyrus’ body, purring deep in his chest the moment Cyrus relaxed.
Point taken.
---
Nik found himself getting summoned to Cameron’s office. He couldn’t even come get him himself, instead he had one of his toadies come and fetch him. Nik did pause, though, when he realized Cameron’s office was pitch black. “Cameron?”
“Sit.”
“Well great to see you, too,” Nik muttered, plopping down on the chair across from him. “For what have you summoned me?”
Cameron looked up in his direction, his eyes glowing animal bright in the darkness. It was so leery; NIk kept forgetting demons could do that. “I want you to go stay with your brother,” he said.
“You’re seriously kicking me out?” Nik said. “Is it because I refused to kiss Darius’ ass?”
Cameron blinked slowly at him, clearly not aware of Nik and Darius’ previous conversation. “No,” he said, mildly. “And it’s not forever. You can come back, if you want, during the weekends or for a couple of days during the week, the choice is yours.”
“Is this because of the demon lands being poisoned?”
“Yes,” Cameron said. “And since you decided to keep the fetus, and you decided to mate with me, that makes you both my responsibility, and I’m not going to let your sentimentality cause a miscarriage or stillbirth because you wanted to be near Lev.”
Nik felt heat rise in his face. “So what, because you mated with me, so my dad couldn’t take me home, you now have control of me?”
“If you want to be so frank,” Cameron said, bluntly, “we can do that. Demonic customs and all of that. However, consider it me giving you the choice to come back a few days of the week. I’d rather keep you off demonic land all together if I had my way about it.”
“And you don’t?” Nik snapped.
“If I had my way about anything, your brother would be dragging you by your ear back to his house in the next thirty minutes,” Cameron said, sharply. “If I had my way, you wouldn’t be back until the fetus was well past four months old when the likelihood of an infant death was not nearly so high. If you wish to act like a petulant child, do it on your own time.”
“I am not acting like a child.”
“Yes,” Cameron said, “you are. You’re throwing hissy fits when you’re not getting your way and yelling at people for things they had nothing to do with. You are actively being a selfish little twat who refuses to not do what the hell is the right thing to do because you want to stay with Lev.”
Nik stared at him in shocked outrage. “Did you seriously call me a twat?”
“Is that all you got from that,” Cameron snapped. “So help me if I have to make the choice for you, you are not coming back to this house for the next eight months, you hear me? I will have your brother tie you to a fucking tree to make my godsdamned point.”
Nik opened and closed his mouth a few times, unable to form a thought, let alone a coherent sentence. “...fine,” he said. “I’ll go. I just, I didn’t want to leave either of you, especially when you can’t follow.”
“We will be fine,” Cameron said, a shade calmer. “I’m sure Lev will facetime you or knit you some baby blanket to pass the time, or whatever it is angels do for their pregnant mates. I don’t really care as long as both of you stop pissing me off.”
Any other time the idea of Lev knitting would make him wheeze. “I’m sorry,” Nik said, leaning back into the chair, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I’m just- I feel like I can’t get my footing lately and all of us are spinning out.”
“Well this will be a good chance for you to get grounded then, isn’t it?”
“When am I going?” he said, defeatedly.
“Nate will be here within the hour.”
----
It was dark when Eden woke. It was dark and she did not like that. No one was there to pick her up, and she didn’t like that even more. Papi had left her again. She remembered him leaving, and then Da had put her to bed instead of the pale one later that night. That was too many alterations to what was right and she did not like it.
Not one bit.
A shrill shriek bubbled in her throat, and she banged her hands on the side of her crib the moment she pulled herself up.
No one came to pick her up, which really was unfair. Eden deserved to be picked up. She screeched again, but the house was silent other than her cries.
Filled with the determination of a child wronged by the world, Eden scrabbled her way over the side of the crib. She hit the floor with a solid thud, and almost began to cry from the shock of it all. After a few minutes of sniffling, Eden was on her way again, hooking her little fingers around the door. It took a few tries, and she got it stuck on her leg more than once, but she got it open.
One of the Big Talls stared down at her, seeming as startled to see her as she was to see them. Rather than wait to see what they’d do, Eden booked it, moving as fast as she could crawl on chubby baby legs.
Behind her, the Big Tall said something loudly, and unwelcome hands grabbed her around the waist. Eden wailed a toddler war cry and bit the nearest finger with her little fangs. That seemed to work, because very quickly she found herself on the ground, even if the Big Tall still had a grip on her, and had cushioned her fall.
---
Cameron had yet to go to bed. He was sitting it the dark in Darius’ room past midnight with a small light and his book. His head snapped up when he heard Eden’s telltale screech-crying right aside a grown demon’s screaming as well.
He quietly sat down his book, ignoring the pain pulsing behind his eye and wrapping around his head and headed for the sound in question.
He found Eden on the floor, sitting and crying and smacking the sentry’s face, perhaps to get him to stop screaming. Or maybe she just felt like hitting someone.
Cameron scooped her up off the floor and peered down at the sentry’s bleeding hand and back to Eden’s sharp little fangs. “I see your venom has come in,” he sighed. He toed the sentry’s face up in his direction. “I will make sure to add this inconvenience to your paycheck. When you get a hold of yourself, take the rest of the night off.”
With that, Cameron stepped around him and took Eden down the hall. She was sniffling and mouthing at Cameron’s shoulder. He lightly pinched her leg. “Bite me and I’ll bite back,” he warned.
She seemed intent on ignoring his threat.
Cameron opened the door of the bedroom Lev was sleeping in and flicked the lights on. “Wake up,” he said, even as Lev stirred awake.
Lev propped himself up on his elbow and squinted at them. “Eden?”
“You wanted to keep the baby,” Cameron said, irritably, tracking across the room. “Take her. Be careful, though, her venom came in.”
“Oh baby,” Lev said, reaching for her. He was sitting up by now, and once Eden was safely in his lap he started rubbing her back lightly. “She can stay in my bed tonight. Maybe she had a nightmare.”
“Maybe,” Cameron agreed, tiredly. “Just don’t roll on top of her, I guess.” He started for the doorway and flicked the lights off once more, at least giving himself some relief. “I’ll be back in the morning.”
Cameron made his way back to his chair, rubbing his temples on the way. Unsurprisingly Darius was sitting up, waiting for him. He patted the bed on the side Cameron had always slept on, clearly offering him the spot.
“You should be asleep.”
Darius gave him a very long look that Cameron chose to interpret as he should be as well- and then promptly dismissed it. “I have work I need to be doing.”
A small crease formed between Darius’ brows and he patted the bed more insistently.
Cameron sighed sharply. “If I get in, will you stop being a nuisance and go to sleep?” When Darius nodded, pleased, Cameron sighed once more and began undressing slowly, doing his best to not further aggravate his headache.
He crawled into the bed and put his face in the pillow, all too aware of the coolness of Darius’ skin next to his.
tagging:  @incandescent-creativity @solangelo3088 @lil-miss-red @halstudies @littleyellowdinosaur @caelisis @idreamonpaper
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eijiroukiriot · 4 years
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hello! here it is! my shittyman stinkboy playllist! i have way, way more krbk-adjacent playlists than just 3, but since i’ve written abt my krbk playlist and my kirishima playlist i figured i should complete the trilogy! i wish i had smth real to post for bkg’s birthday but exposing what i imagine his shitty taste in music to be like is something, at least. happy birthday trashman 
Spotify Link
song descriptions under the cut!
this is so much longer than my kirishima playlist solely because half the songs in here are just randomly-selected emo hits. for convenience’s sake and to justify not explaining most of them, i’ve split them up into categories! 
Category One: Emo Kid Repertoire (read: songs that are on here for no particular reason, other than that i strongly believe bkg has bad taste in music) 
i. Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down - FOB ii. Punk Rock 101 - Bowling For Soup iii. Teenagers - MCR iv. My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark - FOB v. The Phoenix - FOB vi. You’re Gonna Go Far Kid - The Offspring  vii. Somebody Told Me - The Killers viii. I’m Not Okay (I Promise) - MCR ix. Addicted - Simple Plan x. Hope Less Romantics - Make Out Monday xi. Next Ex Girlfriend - Bowling For Soup xii. Don’t Let It Be Love - Bowling For Soup xiii. I Don’t Wanna Rock - Bowling For Soup (can you tell that my BFS phase was my emo phase)  xiv. A Walk Through Hell - Say Anything xv. Gives You Hell - The All-American Rejects xvi. Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na) - MCR xvii. Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day (i wasn’t gonna put this on here and then i thought of the shots of bkg sulking around in the dark in the most recent op and started laughing) 
Category Two: Edgy JRock Songs I Put On My Workout Playlist
xviii. Lost Time Memory - Jin xix. Children Record - Jin xxi. Goya no Machiawase - Hello Sleepwalkers xxi. Kyouran Hey Kids - The Oral Cigarettes 
Category Three: Explosion Puns
xxii. Pow Pow - Elris xxiii. Bboom Bboom - Momoland 
Category Four: Songs From My Krbk Playlist That Remind Me Mostly of Bkg
xxiv. Bad Enough For You - All Time Low (please read the desc on the krbk playlist post because i feel like this one doesn’t make sense otherwise)  xxv. My Best Friend’s Hot - The Dollyrots (ok this one explains itself)  xxvi. Idfc (acoustic ver) - Blackbear  xxvii. Crush - Weki Meki xxviii. Animal - Neon Trees
Category Five: Kiribaku-ish Songs That Aren’t On My Krbk Playlist Because They’re Almost Entirely About Bkg
xxix. Su-suki Nanka Janai! - bandori lol 
“Even so, your face is too close, and you’re pressuring me with those eyes!!
It’s not like that! It’s not like that, so - listen, I’m not that—— soft!!!” 
-okay listen the dialect used in the chorus is REALLY tough-mean-teenage-boy (i’d expect the words it uses to be said like “that’s not it, stop it!!” but really it sounds like “you’re fucking wrong, shut your mouth!!!”) so i thought of bkg and laughed bc this song really doesn’t fit him at all 
xxx. Kissaphobic - Make Out Monday 
“It's cute when you do it, but Cupid is stupid -
He shot the wrong lovers” 
-this song is...really good! very dramatic, very full of deep-seated anxieties that the person who loves you must just be mistaken because you’re not ready to be loved like that. very reminiscent of the boy imo 
xxxi. I Drew You Once In Art Class - Antarctigo Vespucci 
“When will I ever get it right? Maybe I’ll never treat you right
I’m gonna leave when you say you wanna leave, and shut up when you say you need to sleep” 
-i love this song so much the actual music is so goofy and lighthearted while the singer is taking himself SO seriously. it’s like a perfect musical representation of spiraling thinking “oh god i fucked up this is the end of our relationship for sure” and then realizing. “oh wait i’m fine. i’m gonna do better” and then having one (1) less than ideal interaction and spiraling all over again. there’s something really funny abt it to me i always imagine bkg giving kirishima a cd and kirishima being like “i don’t really like this band though?” and then bkg flopping face down on his bed like “it’s fucking over. i did it. it’s over now” 
xxxii. Everytime We Touch - Cascada
-it’s everytime we touch 
xxxiii. Bad Mood - The Vaccines 
“Oh, you look disappointed in me
Oh, am I not as thoughtful as you thought I’d be?” 
-i highlight that line in particular because that’s what MAKES it for me. that’s what makes me picture a krbk breakup scenario every time where bkg wakes up the day afterwards still fuming and thinking abt it nonstop, and everyone’s like “hey man are you okay?” and bkg’s like “are you fucking surprised that i was never as good as you thought i was? fuck off i’m not some perfect boyfriend” feeling very edgy 
-in reality no one’s thinking that but he’d sure convince himself they are 
xxxiv. Give Myself To You - Vista Kicks
“I know you can do better than me
But I cannot do better than you”
-all of these are so angsty but i see this as like, a quiet self hatred anthem...aw i don’t want to describe it any more because i’m making myself sad on my own boy’s birthday but yeah i think of him w this one 
xxxv. No Lover - Jetty Bones 
“Romance seems like a means to an end
Maybe I don't need a lover, I just need the friend who carried my weight when my back was sore” 
-i don’t...remember why i put this on here...huh...i guess it’s just a punky song abt being mad about being in love 
xxxvi. Everyone But You - The Front Bottoms
-i’ve gotten this song suggested as a krbk song so many times and while i don’t actually like it much i do agree that i see the bkg energy so it’s here (i actually listen to my krbk playlist sometimes unlike this one lol) 
xxxvii. Teenager In Love - Neon Trees 
“There was a point when we were cool, 
And it never went bad 'til you were holding his hand” 
-i just heard this for the first time pretty recently, but i really love the balance of the “oh god being young and in love is the worst” and “oh to be young and angsty and be convinced being in love is the worst”. softly laughing from the future about how resistant you were to something that’s turned out so well for you
Category Six: kpop songs about thinking you’re better than the people around you or as i like to call it Bkg Trying Desperately To Hype Himself Up 
xxxviii. Don’t Matter - Produce 101 
xxxix. You Think - SNSD
Category Seven: Other
xl. RBB - Red Velvet
“OH MY GOD (he’s a really bad boy) he’s a really bad boy he’s a REALLY BAD BOY” 
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Dysmorphia
Imagine a man; featherless, bipedal, pretty standard.  This one has pale skin, black hair with a slight widows peak, and eyes so dark he looks like he has nothing but giant pupils.  He has a faceful of freckles which looked much cuter when he was a kid, and two small moles, one on his lip, the other on his neck.
Picture him taller than average, but not exceptionally so; 6′3″, 6′4″ with shoes on, sub-basketball player height.  Now give him a terrible hunch.  He loses a good three or four inches from posture so bad that chiropractors make appointments to see him.  He locks his knees when he stands so his legs curve backwards, which just looks uncomfortable, and he always leads with his gut hanging out; his spine looks like Trogdor the Burninator (sans beefy arms, wingalings, and consummate v’s, of course).
What he lacks in basketball player height he makes up for in basketball player feet.  Just look at those clod hoppers!  He has to order all of his shoes online because most stores only carry up to size 13.  Last he checked he was a 14 and a half, 15-ish, but nothing he tries is comfortable because he’s got flat feet, like a dirty, draft-dodging communist!  The way he walks is just wrong somehow.  He regularly wears out the back of his shoes, right over his Achilles tendon.  He has to pad the worn chunk of plastic and foam with duct tape to make them last longer, because size 15′s are not cheap!
His wardrobe consists mostly of t-shirts and khaki shorts, but these don’t seem to fit him right either.  Sure, he’ll buy nice clothes every year, but they all seem to change size between the mall changing room and his house, or otherwise disappear (his dad probably co-opts them into his own wardrobe, the bastard).  He is somehow both lanky and portly at the same time; thin arms and legs, with a big beer belly paunch over feminine hips, though he doesn’t drink.  His khakis are all too loose and too short; they come to above his knees when he sits, and he has to wear a belt cinched tight to keep them from slipping down to his ankles.
His shirts are comically large because men’s clothes get wider, not taller, when the size goes up.  He has to wear an L or XL, which are the right length, but make him look like he drank Alice’s shrinking potion.  His only other alternative would be to wear a shirt that is the right circumference, but bares his midriff whenever he moves his arms.
His fingers are the stuff of nightmares; the nails are either crack addict long or chewed down to the bloody stump.  He’s apathetic about this, he just lets them grow until they start getting caught on stuff, then he bites them off so short it hurts.  He doesn’t like cutting his thumbnails because they’re thicker than the others and they hurt the most when they’re short.  He has a weird sensory problem so that whenever he cuts them with clippers they feel artificial, unnatural, uncomfortable, so he has to chew them down or go mad.
Left alone for long enough his hair starts looking like Eraserhead; his hair doesn’t get longer, it gets taller, but not in a cool mad scientist kind of way.  It’s super curly and thick, so it never looks good no matter how he brushes it.  Not once in his life has he ever had a decent haircut; every single barber he’s ever been to has given him the exact same Deep South chud cut like one of those beefy dudes who pose with fish in their facebook profiles.  No matter how many times he shows them photos and asks for something different, he still gets the Standard Chud for $15, $20 after tip.  Whenever it’s cut that short, it makes his head look like an egg.  “WE ARE FROM FRANCE.”  His hair always looks best a week or two after getting it cut, but he never takes pictures in that little window because he is oblivious and self-loathing.
The less said about his facial hair, the better.
I’m going to say more anyway.
Both of his grandfathers had long, thick beards.  His father has a long thick beard.  He, however, is incapable of growing anything that looks even remotely presentable.  He can grow a short, coarse, curly neckbeard that looks like pubic hair, a thin pencil mustache like a creep who lives in a van, and patchy sideburns that cover random spots on his cheeks.  His chin is bare save for the thinnest saddest wisp of a soul patch that he can’t see, but he can feel.  Oh, It’s there, mocking him.  Altogether, it could not be a less flattering combo, but he often goes weeks without shaving because in These Trying Times™ he figures nobody’s gonna see his face anyway.  His depression lets him justify his “why should I make my bed if I’m just gonna sleep in it again” argument about his entire personal appearance.  Yikes.
His arms and legs are covered in scars and dark spots because none of his cuts ever heal right.  He would wear pants to cover them, but he lives on the surface of the sun where it’s about a million degrees in winter, so pants are not an option unless it’s a formal occasion, which are few and far between because his hometown is a cultural wasteland with nothing to do and no one to see.  His legs are disproportionately long, so he looks like he’s striding with purpose everywhere he goes.  His normal walking speed is ever so slightly faster than whoever is walking in front of him, so he either has to awkwardly slow down which makes him looks like he’s following them, or speed up to try and overtake them, but he’s not going fast enough to do it quickly so he ends up walking next to them for a few seconds too long which is even worse AAAHHH
Eye contact is weird.  Too much, not enough, he can never tell.  He tries to keep his head down with the prey-instinct that if he can’t see them, they can’t see him, which results in a chronic case of Text Neck.  When he walks past someone, he locks his neck straight forward so as not to make eye contact, which is almost always the WRONG thing to do because it comes off as rude, which he only realizes much later.
He overthinks everything and comes across as pretty sus because he’s trying to judge how everyone else pictures him on the fly; he doesn’t want to be rude, so he tries to leave everyone alone, but more often than not that makes him look cold and angry.  His worst fear is that people of color will think he’s racist when he doesn’t look at them, or looks at them too much, or gives them a wide berth, when in reality he does that to everyone because being seen makes him uncomfortable, and he can’t stop from feeling guilty about living in his own head because he doesn’t want to keep thinking the way he does, which is to say TOO MUCH!
And to round out his insecurities, he has a big gap in his front teeth and his voice sounds like a nasally child trying to compensate for a speech impediment.
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But you know what, his grammy says he’s a handsome young man, so he’s actually doing okay.
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yuurisolympicgold · 7 years
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Yuuri Week 2017, Day 2: Friends and Family Title: Worth Your Weight In Platinum Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Nishigori Takeshi, Nishigori Yuuko. Pairing: Gen. Genres/Tags: Friendship, Anxiety, Depression, Pre-Canon, Canon Compliant. Rating/Warnings: G/None. Summary: Before Victor Nikiforov, there had only been Yuuko.
Yuuri didn’t really regret his decision to leave home. Some days it felt like the worst idea he’d ever had. Then there were the days after he had a good practice; or didn’t flub a jump he’d struggled with, when he thought maybe his goals weren’t so lofty after all. That not only would he be able to skate on the same level as Victor someday, he might even beat him.
Then maybe he could convince himself every choice he’d made hadn’t been for nothing. That when he could return home, he’d have something good to show his family and friends. To prove to them the sacrifices they made allowing him to keep competing hadn’t been in vain.
Those thoughts didn’t erase the guilt he felt when he’d left everyone. Notably, he regretted how he’d unwittingly cut ties with his childhood best friend.
Before Victor Nikiforov there had only been Yuuko. She had been his inspiration before he’d known Victor existed. She wouldn’t be the last, but she was his first idol in figure skating. And without that friendship he might’ve not even pursued a career in competitive skating. He wouldn’t have known about Victor... 
On the other hand, he’d never considered himself close with Takeshi. Their relationship was based on their mutual friendship with Yuuko. Even that seemed to change over the years however; the tension gradually lessening between them, the nature of Takeshi’s teasing holding less bite and then one day none at all. It wasn’t until his first competition in Japan after his move to Detroit that he realized their relationship had changed drastically, at some point Yuuri couldn’t determine.
Yuuri supposed he should have suspected something. After his flight landed Takeshi had texted him, inquiring or rather confirming when Yuuri was competing. It was still a shock when the older man showed up at the arena.
Yuuri blinked twice. 
“Nishigori?” He asked as if visual confirmation wasn’t enough. But honestly wasn’t his surprise justified? 
“Why are you—what are you doing here?” He continued to press.
Takeshi shrugged, fixing him with a lopsided grin.
“I heard one of Japan’s youngest celebrities was making his grand return,” He said as he walked up to Yuuri, staying close but still leaving comfortable distance. 
“It’s all over the news, you know,” He continued. “Even weather forecasters are talking about it! They’re anticipating showers of flower crowns and Katsudon XL today.”
Yuuri’s mouth pulled into a pout, but it was only mild irritation he felt when the other man teased him still. Mostly he just didn’t need this before a competition. He had a decent hold on his nerves. For now.
“You don’t have to do that you know,” He replied with a small glare. “And you still haven’t answered my question,” He added.
Takeshi was looking at him differently Yuuri noticed. His eyes skirting his face, gaze dropping down like he was trying to memorize something. His smile had changed too by the time their eyes met again. He... looked fond.
Yuuri swallowed. Takeshi hadn’t really been an annoyance to him in years. He often times felt isolated in Detroit. Now he was back in his home country and one of the last faces he expected to see had greeted him there. It hit Yuuri at once then, just how much he’d missed him; one of his oldest friends.
“I thought I’d see in person how far he’s come. Sometimes television doesn’t do a person justice,” Takeshi said finally.
Yuuri was speechless, the implications of that sentence resonating within him. He didn’t have much time to ponder them however before Takeshi continued.
“The girls wanted to come too,” He added with a bigger grin. “But they’re still too tiny to travel far. They’ll be watching at home though! They’re already big fans of you.”
“They’re—” Yuuri cleared his throat and tried again. “They’re babies.”
Technically they were toddlers, but still...
Takeshi merely shrugged again and Yuuri suddenly felt overwhelmed by emotion. His hands became clammy and he quickly wiped them on his pants. A wave of guilt settled heavily in his chest as he thought of the triplets his friends had so young. He’d seen pictures, but he’d never even met them...
He felt like there was so much to say but didn’t know where to begin. He didn’t know how to begin. It felt like the words were there, but they weren’t the right words so his throat closed up. Instead he remained silent and felt useless for it.
From that point on Takeshi showing up to his local competitions became a normal enough occurrence, as long as the Ice Castle wasn’t too busy. Then came the times when he didn’t come alone.
“Yuuri!!!”
If Yuuri hadn’t been alerted to the familiar squeals, he probably would’ve been knocked on his ass when he was abruptly knocked off center by sudden pressure latched onto one of his knees. Instead he teetered in place and tried to regain his balance, which wasn’t easy when another pair of hands wrapped around his other leg.
“We've been looking all over for you!” The last triplet chimed in. Thankfully she didn’t try to grab onto his legs as well and instead reached up and onto her tiptoes until she could wrap both her chubby little hands around one of his.
“Axel?” He winced a bit as the child in question tightened her hold on him and grinned happily. He then addressed the other two. “Lutz? Loop? What are you doing here? Where are...?”
“I see they found you!”
Yuuri turned as much as he could with three little bodies currently attached to his limbs. Takeshi’s voice always carried, even with the extra bodies crammed into the arena’s lobby. Yuuri was only a bit envious, he had always been soft spoken. 
“Ah. Yes, they did,” He said uneasily and finally found his footing. Of course those efforts were for nothing when Takeshi slung a heavy arm around his shoulders. It had become a familiar gesture between them these days yet it still made Yuuri blush. “Hey, Nishigori...” He greeted.
The triplets, now dressed in similar styles of blue, pink and purple, always managed to pop up out of nowhere and surprise him. No matter how many times Takeshi brought them. They were getting so big now and were at least an inch taller since the last time he’d seen them. They had recently started dressing in colored dresses with matching bows, mostly so other people—especially their favorite skaters—could tell them apart. It had become their signature look.
One time Takeshi pointed out the differentiation between their facial features. Loop had a tiny mole on her chin, Axel’s eyes were just a bit closer together and the brown of her irises was deeper, while Lutz had a faint smattering of freckles on the apples of her cheeks. Yuuri found that easy enough to remember and was able to tell them apart without the color coded attire. The girls had been delighted by that.
The first time Takeshi had brought them along Yuuri had wondered how they even knew so much about him. He didn't think Yuuko and Takeshi would neglect mentioning him, but he’d been away for so long. He would be absent for longer too. Yuuri had asked anyway.
“These three were skating fans from the moment they jumped into the world," Takeshi had answered proudly. “It's in their blood, you know. They’re young, but they have a keen eye for talent and potential. Why wouldn’t they favor you?"
“Besides,” He continued. “They've had all sorts of questions about the 'mystery boy' in all those pictures in Yuuko's phone. We've told them all about us and now video chats aren’t enough. Meeting you in person was long overdue.”
‘Us’ meaning Yuuri, Yuuko and Takeshi. He’d said it so matter of fact back then. Yuuri still had a difficult time believing he was worthy of such honest praise. At present Yuuri asked the other question on his mind. “Where’s Yuuko?”
Takeshi hesitated.
“Oh, she’s tied up at the Ice Castle. She wanted to come of course, but you know how busy it gets this time of year. Booking is a bonifide nightmare. Plus the novice classes have started up. Someone needs to hold down the fort...” He trailed off.
There was nothing dishonest about Takeshi’s answer, but Yuuri still knew he was leaving something out. With a sinking feeling, he knew what that was.
Yuuko was respecting the distance he’d unintentionally put between them. Yuuri hadn’t meant for it to happen, but things changed when they got older. Yuuko lost interest in competitive figure skating and took over more duties at the Ice Castle. Then she got married and had children at a young age. They’d tried to keep in touch after Yuuri’s initial move to Detroit. Between his packed schedule and Yuuko taking on more managerial roles, their once a week video chats gradually tapered and eventually stopped altogether.
Yuuri hadn’t forgotten about her. He’d wanted to make her proud too. Yet he hadn’t even qualified for a Grand Prix Final. He still wanted to reach that level, even though a small voice contrarily reminded him that ranking among the top six skaters in the world was no easy journey. He was still accomplished as he was.
Yuuri found himself sinking into familiar thoughts of regret and guilt when Takeshi spoke up again.
“Well I better get these troublemakers out of here before they harass the other competitors for autographs again!” Takeshi joked as he removed his arm from Yuuri. He gathered the three excited girls within the brackets of his arms, detaching them from Yuuri’s side. “They’re probably hungry too. We'll get out of here and meet up with you later."
“Wait,” Yuuri interjected. Even though Yuuko wasn’t there, the Nishigoris being there meant more to him than Takeshi knew. “You don't have to do that. There’s a place just down the block from here. I can go with you and we can— we can catch up?” He offered, unsure if he was overstepping. He really wanted this. He wanted to know these three girls who so easily treated him like family. Who valued him not just as a skater but a person too. He wanted to get to know Takeshi better. They were both adults now, any ill feelings from their childhood had long been left behind.
Takeshi looked momentarily surprised before treating Yuuri to the biggest grin he’d seen on the older man yet.
“That sounds great! Thanks, Yuuri.”
Before Victor Nikiforov there had only been Yuuko. If it hadn’t been for her he may not have developed the deep love he would always have for the ice. She was the one who introduced him to Victor through his skating in the first place. It hadn’t gone anywhere near the way he used to fantasize, but technically he still got a chance to meet him, compete on the same ice as him.
He’d never forgotten his roots. Sochi couldn’t change that.
Now he was about to return home after five years, with nothing to show for it. That is, nothing but a failed career and a glass heart shattered across the ice in anemic shards, too far and too many to mend. Vicchan wouldn’t be there waiting. There was only a shrine and a memory of someone else he’d neglected in his absence. He was still undecided where to go with his career, he couldn’t stop binge eating, maybe once he got home it would be better if he locked himself away and just...stayed there.
At least then he wouldn’t disappoint anyone else.
Yuuri knew things wouldn’t be the same. Time and distance would have changed his relationship with Yuuko and the familiar closeness they once shared. There were some things that just couldn’t be salvaged. But maybe when he returned they could build something new.
He had an idea. Once upon a time, he and Yuuko had bonded through emulating Victor’s routines. Through just being skating fans together. Maybe that’s how he could fix things too. He’d been practicing Victor’s free skate as a warm-up since the first time he saw it that season. He’d never shown anyone. Celestino didn’t even know about it. Right now he couldn’t think of anyone better to show it to.
Then the tides changed; and it had been Yuuko’s children who technically brought Victor to his doorstep.
Months later when he helped Victor with the choreography for Yuri On Ice and the story he wanted to tell; he thought of many people, including the Nishigori family. He hoped he could convey the love he felt for them through his skating too. That he appreciated every bit of love and support they offered him freely, even before they reconciled. How much it meant when they showed him he didn’t need to win to be worthy in their eyes. Now he was ready to return that same love and devotion.
He’d learned through his friends and family that winning wasn’t everything— they would love him no matter what. To them he wasn't worth his weight in the golds, silvers and bronzes he brought home. He was worth so much more. Now he was ready to move onto the next step. He was ready to skate for himself and his love for the ice. If he won, it would be because of that. From those thoughts he could feel familiar competitiveness flare up again.
They weren’t words, but it was the best he could do right now. He was in a better place than he’d been after Sochi. He didn’t want to be afraid to open up to others anymore. It was an ongoing process, but one day he’d learn how to better use his words.
Then he would tell them their friendship had meant most of all.
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