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#everyday they stare at me
rottengurlz · 3 months
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I don’t know why I bite
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sutjak · 7 months
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Fight Club headcanons ↴
Narrator
Autism food kinda guy, chicken nuggies (unseasoned) and apple sauce
Puts random shit in his mouth and accidentally eats a lot of it
Prefers weed tbh (NO edibles)
Wears women's undergarments
Outwardly masc
New Jersey :(
Really likes muted colors, Tyler's clothes sometimes give him headaches
Has been institutionalized before for sure
Very gay (he doesn't know)
Definitely threatens suicide and will go through with it just to win arguments
Subby for Tyler but also emotionally manipulates him (they are equals and as bad as each other)
Pervert in an Edwardian type of way, very shameful
Has a special blankie at the house that he hides from his roommate
Libertarian(?)
Tries to pet every animal he sees
Bitemark scars inside his mouth
Extreme cattiness
HATES kids
Marla is his manic pixie dream girl (platonically)
Tyler
Psychological warfare turns him on
Anarcho-communism all the way
Wears femme men's clothes or women's shirts and sometimes will wear dresses for Narrator
Disaster Bi slut
Cheats on Narrator all the time (no he doesn't get away with it, there have been many broken bones)
Over spices his food to the point of inedibility for everyone else
Hotboxes cars with cig smoke because he's an asshole
Actually decent at chess
Will do anything for $20
Versatile power bottom/bossy top
Emotional toxic masculinity
Probably is a baby daddy
The one who meticulously catalogues and restocks the first aid
Only reason Tyler has a driver's license is because he fucked the girl at the DMV
Crust punk in highschool (ew)
From North Carolina
LOVES cars, very much a car guy
Violent snuggler
Adores children
Is also misanthropic
Dad rock listener
Marla
Bestfriends with Narrator (even if he denies it)
Likes to make friendship bracelets
Nymphomaniac
Beautiful Princess Disorder :)
Shopaholic
Doesn't use labels
Very physically affectionate
Likes Narrator more than Tyler
Smells like rotting flowers
Not much of a drinker, only benzos and nic
Pretty goth gf why wont anyone date her :(
Wears briefs no bra or very complicated lingerie (no in-between)
Femme Fatale
Has killed a man
Crochets stuffed animals and granny square blankets
Listens to shitty Pop music unironically
Spearmint kind of girl, FUCK peppermint
Loves those stuffed gnomes you find in a Khol's and has a collection in her closet
Bitter foods are her favorite
Award for most STDs at one time
Breeding kink
Chicago girlie
Passenger princess all the way, never learned to drive
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🩷🥰🧓🏻The Old Man🧓🏻🥰🩷
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lilisouless · 1 year
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Malina & Zoyalai: Don't get together because drama
Tolya:
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wrongchose · 3 months
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Apparently i have to post stuff to be considered active
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THis WAS going to be a part of some other post but im too lazy to finish it tbh + School is killing me
i live drawing these and i loved how the Tengu looks
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verndusk · 9 months
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Re-drawing a screenshot from The Bad Batch everday until season 3 comes out: day 63
what's with the weird texture on this one?:
With the rise of generative AI, artists like me have been trying to protect our art using a program called Glaze!
It does give art a little funky texture that prevents it from being used as a part of scraped datasets. Recently it has been coming out that data scrapers have not been honoring the "opt-out" agreement and using data anyway. This means it's even more important to me than ever to protect what I draw.
I will be playing around with the settings and see how I can reduce any disruption to the art, if people don't like it I can compromise and put the un-glazed art behind a small paywall (I have a ko-fi, and I'm happy to try out Patreon! I am waiting for Instar from Inkblot to come out too, hehe).
The speedpaints are of course staying as they are!
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stxrliasfics · 5 months
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me when the season started up
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embersofhope-if · 9 months
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i would suggest a drabble where MC and Ash are hanging out for the last time before the games for the pride drabble (with it being WLW, MLM or just in general queer) but i feel like u got enough drabbles on your plate so just ignore this idea
uhm lets pretend its still june. this is both f!ash and m!ash but the only thing that's different is when Mc fixes Ash's hair.
there aren't really any trigger warnings. Mc does mention death a couple of times but that's really it. anyways! enjoy<3
wordcount: 3.4k
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ F!Ash Versionˏˋ°•*⁀➷
It's hot, hotter than a normal July night. Just lying in my bed with a thin sheet is making me sweat so much I think I might drown in it. I know getting up to open my window might help to cool my room down but the very idea of moving conjures up an image of me bursting into flames as soon as I stand. I resign myself to sweat to death in my bed, or at least suffer until Ash decides to actually show up.   
This is her stupid tradition, and she doesn’t even show up on time. I should just tell her to go home when she shows up, it's what she deserves for forcing me to wait in my oven of a bedroom.  
But I wouldn’t do that. As much as I’m suffering in my room, she’s the one who has to sneak across the entire city. It would just be cruel to force her to go back without indulging her just a little bit.  
I doubt she’d even be upset if I did tell her to leave though, just allows her to go to the places she wants to go instead of worrying about me tripping on a rooftop and falling to my death.  
Just as I begin to contemplate moving downstairs, I hear a shuffle at my window and a slight knock. I quickly stand to go and open it, desperate to finally get out of this room.   
As soon as she catches sight of me Ash flashes a smile that she quickly drops trying to catch her breath. With how flushed her cheeks are and the fact that I can hear how hard her breathing is through the window she must’ve sprinted halfway across the city.  
“Can you please let me in? I didn’t come this far just to be shot out of your window by a peacekeeper” she manages to say; sounding only slightly like she’s about to pass out.  
“I don’t know. Maybe I enjoy watching you struggle to open an unlocked window.” I respond, already sliding the window open. Before I fully step away Ash falls into the room.   
I reach out to steady her, trying to make sure she doesn’t fall and wake up my entire family. Mother may like Ash, but I know for a fact that if she finds her breaking into my bedroom Ash would never be allowed back into the house again.  
“Are you alright?” I ask, worrying that she may have hurt herself trying to get here before it got too late in the night. The fact that she even has enough energy to get here after working all day in the factory will never not amaze me.   
“I'm fine. Don’t worry,” she responds, finally able to take a breath without wheezing. I realize that I’m still holding onto her arms, and she has yet to pull away from me. My cheeks flush at the realization at the lack of distance between us but I can’t bring myself to pull away either.   
With how close I am I'm able to see every freckle that’s scattered across her face, able to count every one of her ridiculously long eyelashes that Ash says are more of a curse than a blessing with how often they fall into her eyes. Her cheeks are rosy, but whether that’s from her being overheated or she's blushing as much as I am I’m not entirely sure. I look down at her lips and feel like I’m caught in a trance.   
Kiss her.   
Every other thought disappears from my mind focusing only on Ash's lips and how badly I want to kiss her. I bring my hand up, tracing the edge of her lips. They’re slightly chapped and I can tell she’s been picking at them recently. Something I know she only does whenever she’s worried.  
Just kiss her. It’ll make her feel better. Make her forget whatever she’s worried about.  
Before I get the chance to lean in Ash wraps her hand around mine and steps back. I can feel a bubble of disappointment rising in my chest and I do everything I can to not let it show on my face.  
“C’mon we can’t just stay in here the whole night,” she says, and I fight the urge to groan. Climbing buildings and sneaking around the city in this heat is the last thing I want to do.   
As she moves to the window I hesitate, contemplating just asking her to stay in for the night, but before I’m able to ask she’s already slipping back out into the night. Now I don’t have any type of fight in this, do I?  
I lean out of the window and look around making sure no peacekeepers are passing by. The streetlights are so dim I doubt that they would even be able to see me. Still, I try to move as fast as I can.  
At first, the heat is almost unbearable, but then I feel a slight breeze that causes me to shiver when it hits my sweat-soaked shirt. The higher I climb the more the wind picks up, causing the fire escape to creak and shake.  
Despite being in the best part of District 8 the fire escape is covered in so much rust I think it might be more of a safety hazard than anything. It creaks so loudly when I climb it, I think it might break off. Every time I feel the vibrations of Ash walking above me, I think the thing is actually coming down and dragging the two of us with it.  
Falling to my death on the very thing that’s supposed to help me survive would honestly be a funny way to go. At least there’s a sense of irony in it. I can think of a million worse ways to die. Including the very thing I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about all day.   
The Hunger Games.  
I know the chances of me being reaped are practically none, but the thought still haunts me. My name is still in that bowl, surrounded by thousands of other names, yes, but it's still in there all the same. I’m the lucky one compared to everyone else. How many times has the mayor's child been reaped to fight in the games? I can't think of a single time, not even in Districts like 1 and 2. Despite people being encouraged to volunteer there the mayor's children are never among them. Maybe they know something the rest don’t or maybe they just don’t feel the need to die for their District when there are already so many people clamoring to do it first.  
I’m so caught up in my head thinking about the Games I barely even noticed how much I’ve climbed. I look up and see Ash scaling the small ladder that leads to the roof. The fact that she hasn’t said a word since we’ve been out here worries me.   
Normally she’d at least whisper something to me but tonight she’s been completely silent. Maybe she’s thinking about the games too. I know she had to sign up for Tessera this year, even with the food I was able to give her it just wasn’t enough.   
Trying to convince her that I can just steal more food from my home was useless. I know it's not her pride stopping her from taking the food. Ash has never been that type of person. Confident? Yes, but never prideful. The fact that she refuses to let me help her is driving me insane. Maybe it's not just the Games that’s worrying her but something else. I try to come up with any other idea, but it feels impossible that it could be anything but that. 
As I reach the top and climb onto the roof, I see Ash just a few steps away. She’s looking off to the west, and I can tell she's mapping out which way we’re going to go. 
“Alright let's get moving before it gets too late”, I hear Ash say as she moves to jump to the next rooftop. I don’t even get the chance to ask which way we’re going. I’ve got to follow her and hope she remembers not to pick rooftops that I will die trying to jump to.  
I take a deep breath and jump to the first roof, running to catch up to Ash. She stops on the edge and turns to look at me, making sure that I’m right beside her before she gets too far ahead.   
“We’re going the same way we did last year, okay?” she says to me, the moon lighting up her eyes. There’s amusement in her voice and I can already tell what she’s about to ask.   
“You want to race don’t you,” I say before she gets the chance to say it first. She always beats me. Sometimes it seems like beating me in an incredibly illegal race is her proudest achievement. For how observant she is I don’t know how she hasn’t noticed that I’m letting her win. Ash may be better at ridiculously dangerous climbs but I’m still faster than her. She and Calliope like to joke that my biggest skill is that I can run away. I seriously hope I’ll never have to put that skill to the test. Racing Ash is about as much practice as I get with it.  
Ash lets out a laugh and for a moment I can see my Ash again, not the worrywart that’s hardly said a word to me the whole way up here.   
“Oh of course I do. At this point, it might as well be a part of the tradition.”  
I take a moment pretending to think about if I’m going to agree. We both know I’m going to say yes but this is as much a part of the tradition as the race itself. I pause and make a show of deciding on my answer.  
“Alright fine but if I win, I get a prize,” I say already getting ready to take off. There was one year when Ash took off before I could even finish my sentence. I may let her win but I’m going to make her work for it.   
“If I win, again, I also get a prize” she responds, I nod in agreement and we both get ready to run.   
“One, two, three”   
And we’re both off with me taking the lead. The first three rooftops are easy, it’s the fourth one that’s a bit of a struggle. With the first three, all you’ve got to do is jump down and run straight until you get to the next one, but the fourth roof has a small fence you have to jump over; to get high enough to do it you have to climb on top of an ac unit and take a not so small leap. Miss the landing and you’re falling to your death. Making the landing but still hitting the fence honestly is only slightly better. Not that I would prefer either, but impaling myself on a fence sounds better than falling off a building. Making the jump and feeling only slightly like you’ve injured yourself is genuinely the best case scenario; for me at least. 
I turn to see how close Ash is; she’s halfway across the second rooftop and if I want to keep my lead, I have to make the jump quickly. I climb the ac unit as quickly as I can and get ready to jump. I can’t afford to hesitate on this. I hesitate I die. This whole race is for fun but that doesn’t distract me from how dangerous this really is. I run across what little room I have on the unit and jump.   
Time freezes and I try not to look down. Try not to focus on the feeling of falling. Try not to think about how I could’ve completely screwed up this jump and I won’t even realize till it's too late. Suddenly I feel my feet hit the ground of the fourth roof. A jolt of pain is sent up my leg from the force of my landing, but other than that, I’m completely fine. I turn back just in time to see Ash take the jump as well and land significantly more smoothly than I did.   
She stops for a moment and we both take the second to look the other over and make sure we’re alright. Ash’s hair is in her face, but I can see that she’s still smiling; fighting back the urge to laugh. I so badly want to reach out and fix her hair. Just stop the race and enjoy her for a second but I know she wouldn’t let me. Not if it means she loses. Almost in unison, we take off again. The most dangerous part is over now; all we have to do is make sure not to be seen.  
We keep running for a good twenty minutes until finally I can see our goal. An abandoned building with an old water tower on the top. I’ve tried to figure out what the building was used for. There aren’t very many places in District 8 that aren’t used for something, so finding a completely abandoned one is more unsettling than anything. I don’t even remember how we found it. All I know is that one day I stopped feeling unsettled when I was there. One day I felt more comfortable there than anywhere else in District 8. One day it stopped being some old building and became ours.   
Our sanctuary away from the rest of the world. A place that only me and Ash know about.  
Normally it's about here that I start to slow down and let Ash overtake me in the race, but there’s a part of me that wants to win this time. I could use my prize to make Ash tell me what’s been bothering her so much, but that seems too unfair. If she wants to tell me what’s wrong, I couldn’t force her to. I wouldn’t want to force her to do anything at all. So, I start to slow down making it seem like I’m trying my best to catch my breath.   
Ash overtakes me just as we reach the last ladder, and she begins to climb.  I can already hear her shouts of excitement over winning, again. How she manages to still be so excited about winning the same thing every year is beyond me. Maybe next year I shouldn’t let her win. Bring down that ego of hers that only gets bigger with every race.   
But then I see the look of pure glee on Ash’s face as I climb onto the roof, and I know for a fact I’d never do anything to ruin it. Knowing that she’s happy in this moment is worth a slightly bruised ego.  
“Surprise, I win again,” Ash says brightly. She’s still out of breath from the run and is trying very hard to hide it. Her hair has almost completely fallen out of its braid, and it’s plastered to her face with sweat.   
“Oh, how shocking. I really didn’t see that one coming” I reply, rolling my eyes and reaching out to fix her hair; undoing what’s left of her braid and running my fingers through it trying to get rid of the tangles. “Now, what’s the prize this time.”  
I don’t even realize how close I’ve gotten to her until I notice all I can smell is her. The scent of cinnamon and leather is so intoxicating I could almost get drunk on it. As if I didn’t feel like her presence alone was enough to get drunk. All I can feel is the softness of her hair and her breath on my skin and it makes me feel like I’m spinning.  
I finally finish fixing her hair, but I can’t bring myself to pull away. I honestly think I might fall over if I try, and with the way Ash is gripping my arms, I think she might be having the same problem.  
At that moment, the world seems to fade and it’s just the two of us on that rooftop, bathed in the moonlight. We’re so close I can see her pulse racing at her neck, and I can feel the electricity in the air. Ash’s eyes lock with mine, and I see a mix of emotions swirling within them: excitement, anticipation, and something else. Something that she’s doing everything in her power to hide from me.   
Worry.   
She’s still worrying about the same thing that’s been bothering her all night. It must be the Games; there’s no other possibility; nothing else would make sense.  
I should pull away right now and ask her what’s wrong, but I keep looking at her and the thought of breaking this moment physically pains me. There is only one thing I can think of at this moment.   
Kiss her.  
I can’t hold back any longer. My heart is screaming for her, and I lean in, closing the distance between us. Our lips meet, and it’s like fireworks exploding in my chest. Time seems to stand still as we kiss. It’s soft, tender, and filled with all the thoughts and emotions that were too afraid to say out loud. I try to kiss away her worry and fear of what’s going to happen tomorrow. Replace her fear with the knowledge that no matter what happens I’ll be here for her, and I know that she’ll be here for me.  
Eventually, we pull away, both with wide smiles on our faces. Our foreheads rest against each other, and our breathing begins to steady. For a long quiet moment, we just stare at each other, comforted by the other's presence.  
“I know what I want my prize to be,” Ash whispers as she wraps her arms around me and leads us both in a slow sway to music that only she can hear.  
That’s right she still hasn’t claimed her prize yet. Last year she asked for some pastries and the year before that she had asked for my old pair of boots. Neither of which surprised me if I'm honest, normally it's easy to guess what she wants, but this year something feels off.   
“Alright, your wish is my command,” I say with a slight chuckle, and I try to move us into a proper waltz, but Ash doesn’t let me. Instead, she wraps herself around me even tighter than before and we stop moving altogether. Okay, something is seriously wrong; I’d be blind to not see it.   
Before I can ask her what the problem is, she pulls back and cups my face in both hands. Confused, I look into her eyes only to find her staring at me with such an intense look it startles me.   
“I want you to promise me that no matter what happens tomorrow you will keep helping my family,” she says with such finality that I struggle to respond.   
Why would tomorrow be any different than any other reaping day? She can’t possibly think that she’s going to be the one reaped. It’s almost always somebody neither of us has heard of. It’s sad to see them go but at the end of the day, they’re nobody.   
Ash is somebody.  
If she gets reaped there would be an uproar. Right? But what could anybody do if she was? What could I do if she was? Nothing. I could do absolutely nothing. Just like she would be able to do nothing if I’m the one who’s reaped.  
This must be what she’s been worried about all day. Why Ash is convinced that she’s going to be the one going into the Games I’m not sure, but if it’ll calm her down then I’ll promise her what she wants.   
“Okay, I’ll make sure they’re alright”, I say nodding my head and reaching out to cover her hands that still hold my face. I expect her to pull away, but she doesn’t.  
“I need you to say you promise”, Ash pleads, and I can feel my heart shatter when I notice that she’s starting to cry. Without thinking I pull her into me wrapping myself around her.   
“I promise you, Ash. As long as I live nothing will ever happen to them.”   
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ M!Ash Versionˏˋ°•*⁀➷
It's hot, hotter than a normal July night. Just lying in my bed with a thin sheet is making me sweat so much I think I might drown in it. I know getting up to open my window might help to cool my room down but the very idea of moving conjures up an image of me bursting into flames as soon as I stand. I resign myself to sweat to death in my bed, or at least suffer until Ash decides to actually show up.   
This is his stupid tradition, and he doesn’t even show up on time. I should just tell him to go home when He shows up, it's what he deserves for forcing me to wait in my oven of a bedroom.  
But I wouldn’t do that. As much as I’m suffering in my room, He’s the one who has to sneak across the entire city. It would just be cruel to force him to go back without indulging him just a little bit.  
I doubt he’d even be upset if I did tell him to leave though, just allows him to go to the places he wants to go instead of worrying about me tripping on a rooftop and falling to my death.  
Just as I begin to contemplate moving downstairs, I hear a shuffle at my window and a slight knock. I quickly stand to go and open it, desperate to finally get out of this room.   
As soon as he catches sight of me Ash flashes a smile that he quickly drops trying to catch his breath. With how flushed his cheeks are and the fact that I can hear how hard his breathing is through the window he must’ve sprinted halfway across the city.  
“Can you please let me in? I didn’t come this far just to be shot out of your window by a peacekeeper” He manages to say; sounding only slightly like he’s about to pass out.  
“I don’t know. Maybe I enjoy watching you struggle to open an unlocked window.” I respond, already sliding the window open. Before I fully step away Ash falls into the room.   
I reach out to steady him, trying to make sure he doesn’t fall and wake up my entire family. Mother may like Ash, but I know for a fact that if he finds him breaking into my bedroom Ash will never be allowed back into the house again.  
“Are you alright?” I ask, worrying that he may have hurt himself trying to get here before it got too late in the night. The fact that he even has enough energy to get here after working all day in the factory will never not amaze me.   
“I'm fine. Don’t worry,” He responds, finally able to take a breath without wheezing. I realize that I’m still holding onto his arms, and he has yet to pull away from me. My cheeks flush at the realization of the lack of distance between us but I can’t bring myself to pull away either.   
With how close I am I'm able to see every freckle that’s scattered across his face, able to count every one of his ridiculously long eyelashes that Ash says are more of a curse than a blessing with how often they fall into his eyes. His cheeks are rosy, but whether that’s from him being overheated or he's blushing as much as I am I’m not entirely sure. I look down at his lips and feel like I’m caught in a trance.   
Kiss him.   
Every other thought disappears from my mind focusing only on Ash's lips and how badly I want to kiss him. I bring my hand up, tracing the edge of his lips. They’re slightly chapped and I can tell he’s been picking at them recently. Something I know he only does whenever he’s worried.  
Just kiss him. It’ll make him feel better. Make him forget whatever He’s worried about.  
Before I get the chance to lean in Ash wraps his hand around mine and steps back. I can feel a bubble of disappointment rising in my chest and I do everything I can to not let it show on my face.  
“C’mon we can’t just stay in here the whole night,” he says, and I fight the urge to groan. Climbing buildings and sneaking around the city in this heat is the last thing I want to do.   
As he moves to the window I hesitate, contemplating just asking him to stay in for the night, but before I’m able to ask he’s already slipping back out into the night. Now I don’t have any type of fight in this, do I?  
I lean out of the window and look around making sure no peacekeepers are passing by. The streetlights are so dim I doubt that they would even be able to see me. Still, I try to move as fast as I can.  
At first, the heat is almost unbearable, but then I feel a slight breeze that causes me to shiver when it hits my sweat-soaked shirt. The higher I climb the more the wind picks up, causing the fire escape to creak and shake.  
Despite being in the best part of District 8 the fire escape is covered in so much rust I think it might be more of a safety hazard than anything. It creaks so loudly when I climb it, I think it might break off. Every time I feel the vibrations of Ash walking above me, I think the thing is actually coming down and dragging the two of us with it.  
Falling to my death on the very thing that’s supposed to help me survive would honestly be a funny way to go. At least there’s a sense of irony in it. I can think of a million worse ways to die. Including the very thing I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about all day.   
The Hunger Games.  
I know the chances of me being reaped are practically none, but the thought still haunts me. My name is still in that bowl, surrounded by thousands of other names, yes, but it's still in there all the same. I’m the lucky one compared to everyone else. How many times has the mayor's child been reaped to fight in the games? I can't think of a single time, not even in Districts like 1 and 2. Despite people being encouraged to volunteer there the mayor's children are never among them. Maybe they know something the rest don’t or maybe they just don’t feel the need to die for their District when there are already so many people clamoring to do it first.  
I’m so caught up in my head thinking about the Games I barely even noticed how much I’ve climbed. I look up and see Ash scaling the small ladder that leads to the roof. The fact that he hasn’t said a word since we’ve been out here worries me.   
Normally he’d at least whisper something to me but tonight he’s been completely silent. Maybe he’s thinking about the games too. I know he had to sign up for Tessera this year, even with the food I was able to give him it just wasn’t enough.   
Trying to convince him that I can just steal more food from my home was useless. I know it's not his pride stopping him from taking the food. Ash has never been that type of person. Confident? Yes, but never prideful. The fact that he refuses to let me help him is driving me insane. Maybe it's not just the Games that’s worrying him but something else. I try to come up with any other idea, but it feels impossible that it could be anything but that. 
As I reach the top and climb onto the roof, I see Ash just a few steps away. He’s looking off to the west, and I can tell he's mapping out which way we’re going to go. 
“Alright let's get moving before it gets too late”, I hear Ash say as he moves to jump to the next rooftop. I don’t even get the chance to ask which way we’re going. I’ve got to follow him and hope he remembers not to pick rooftops that I will die trying to jump to.  
I take a deep breath and jump to the first roof, running to catch up to Ash. He stops on the edge and turns to look at me, making sure that I’m right beside him before he gets too far ahead.   
“We’re going the same way we did last year, okay?” He says to me, the moon lights up his eyes. There’s amusement in his voice and I can already tell what he’s about to ask.   
“You want to race don’t you,” I say before he gets the chance to say it first. He always beats me. Sometimes it seems like beating me in an incredibly illegal race is his proudest achievement. For how observant he is I don’t know how he hasn’t noticed that I’m letting him win. Ash may be better at ridiculously dangerous climbs but I’m still faster than him. He and Calliope like to joke that my biggest skill is that I can run away. I seriously hope I’ll never have to put that skill to the test. Racing Ash is about as much practice as I get with it.  
Ash lets out a laugh and for a moment I can see my Ash again, not the worrywart that’s hardly said a word to me the whole way up here.   
“Oh of course I do. At this point, it might as well be a part of the tradition.”  
I take a moment pretending to think about if I’m going to agree. We both know I’m going to say yes but this is as much a part of the tradition as the race itself. I pause and make a show of deciding on my answer.  
“Alright fine but if I win, I get a prize,” I say already getting ready to take off. There was one year when Ash took off before I could even finish my sentence. I may let him win but I’m going to make him work for it.   
“If I win, again, I also get a prize” He responds, I nod in agreement and we both get ready to run.   
“One, two, three”   
And we’re both off with me taking the lead. The first three rooftops are easy, it’s the fourth one that’s a bit of a struggle. With the first three, all you’ve got to do is jump down and run straight until you get to the next one, but the fourth roof has a small fence you have to jump over; to get high enough to do it you have to climb on top of an ac unit and take a not so small leap. Miss the landing and you’re falling to your death. Making the landing but still hitting the fence honestly is only slightly better. Not that I would prefer either, but impaling myself on a fence sounds better than falling off a building. Making the jump and feeling only slightly like you’ve injured yourself is genuinely the best-case scenario; for me at least. 
I turn to see how close Ash is; He’s halfway across the second rooftop and if I want to keep my lead, I have to make the jump quickly. I climb the ac unit as quickly as I can and get ready to jump. I can’t afford to hesitate on this. I hesitate I die. This whole race is for fun but that doesn’t distract me from how dangerous this really is. I run across what little room I have on the unit and jump.   
Time freezes and I try not to look down. Try not to focus on the feeling of falling. Try not to think about how I could’ve completely screwed up this jump and I won’t even realize till it's too late. Suddenly I feel my feet hit the ground of the fourth roof. A jolt of pain is sent up my leg from the force of my landing, but other than that, I’m completely fine. I turn back just in time to see Ash take the jump as well and land significantly more smoothly than I did.   
He stops for a moment and we both take the second to look the other over and make sure we’re alright. Ash’s hair is in his face, but I can see that He’s still smiling; fighting back the urge to laugh. I so badly want to reach out and fix his hair. Just stop the race and enjoy him for a second but I know he wouldn’t let me. Not if it means he loses. Almost in unison, we take off again. The most dangerous part is over now; all we have to do is make sure not to be seen.  
We keep running for a good twenty minutes until finally I can see our goal. An abandoned building with an old water tower on the top. I’ve tried to figure out what the building was used for. There aren’t very many places in District 8 that aren’t used for something, so finding a completely abandoned one is more unsettling than anything. I don’t even remember how we found it. All I know is that one day I stopped feeling unsettled when I was there. One day I felt more comfortable there than anywhere else in District 8. One day it stopped being some old building and became ours.   
Our sanctuary away from the rest of the world. A place that only me and Ash know about.  
Normally it's about here that I start to slow down and let Ash overtake me in the race, but there’s a part of me that wants to win this time. I could use my prize to make Ash tell me what’s been bothering her so much, but that seems too unfair. If he wants to tell me what’s wrong, I couldn’t force him to. I wouldn’t want to force him to do anything at all. So, I start to slow down making it seem like I’m trying my best to catch my breath.   
Ash overtakes me just as we reach the last ladder, and he begins to climb.  I can already hear his shouts of excitement over winning, again. How he manages to still be so excited about winning the same thing every year is beyond me. Maybe next year I shouldn’t let him win. Bring down that ego of his that only gets bigger with every race.   
But then I see the look of pure glee on Ash’s face as I climb onto the roof, and I know for a fact I’d never do anything to ruin it. Knowing that He’s happy in this moment is worth a slightly bruised ego.  
“Surprise, I win again,” Ash says brightly. He’s still out of breath from the run and is trying very hard to hide it. His hair has is completely all over the place, and it’s plastered to his face with sweat.   
“Oh, how shocking. I really didn’t see that one coming” I reply, rolling my eyes and reaching out to fix his hair; smoothing down the fly aways and running my fingers through it trying to get rid of the tangles. “Now, what’s the prize this time.”  
I don’t even realize how close I’ve gotten to him until I notice all I can smell is him. The scent of cinnamon and leather is so intoxicating I could almost get drunk on it. As if I didn’t feel like his presence alone was enough to get drunk. All I can feel is the softness of his hair and his breath on my skin and it makes me feel like I’m spinning.  
I finally finish fixing his hair, but I can’t bring myself to pull away. I honestly think I might fall over if I try, and with the way Ash is gripping my arms, I think He might be having the same problem.  
At that moment, the world seems to fade and it’s just the two of us on that rooftop, bathed in the moonlight. We’re so close I can see his pulse racing at his neck, and I can feel the electricity in the air. Ash’s eyes lock with mine, and I see a mix of emotions swirling within them: excitement, anticipation, and something else. Something that he’s doing everything in his power to hide from me.   
Worry.   
He’s still worrying about the same thing that’s been bothering him all night. It must be the Games; there’s no other possibility; nothing else would make sense.  
I should pull away right now and ask him what’s wrong, but I keep looking at him and the thought of breaking this moment physically pains me. There is only one thing I can think of at this moment.   
Kiss him.  
I can’t hold back any longer. My heart is screaming for him, and I lean in, closing the distance between us. Our lips meet, and it’s like fireworks exploding in my chest. Time seems to stand still as we kiss. It’s soft, tender, and filled with all the thoughts and emotions that were too afraid to say out loud. I try to kiss away his worry and fear of what’s going to happen tomorrow. Replace his fear with the knowledge that no matter what happens I’ll be here for him, and I know that he’ll be here for me.  
Eventually, we pull away, both with wide smiles on our faces. Our foreheads rest against each other, and our breathing begins to steady. For a long quiet moment, we just stare at each other, comforted by the other's presence.  
“I know what I want my prize to be,” Ash whispers as he wraps his arms around me and leads us both in a slow sway to music that only He can hear.  
That’s right he still hasn’t claimed his prize yet. Last year he asked for some pastries and the year before that he had asked for my old pair of boots. Neither of which surprised me if I'm honest, normally it's easy to guess what he wants, but this year something feels off.   
“Alright, your wish is my command,” I say with a slight chuckle, and I try to move us into a proper waltz, but Ash doesn’t let me. Instead, he wraps himself around me even tighter than before and we stop moving altogether. Okay, something is seriously wrong; I’d be blind to not see it.   
Before I can ask him what the problem is, he pulls back and cups my face in both hands. Confused, I look into his eyes only to find him staring at me with such an intense look it startles me.   
“I want you to promise me that no matter what happens tomorrow you will keep helping my family,” he says with such finality that I struggle to respond.   
Why would tomorrow be any different than any other reaping day? He can’t possibly think that he’s going to be the one reaped. It’s almost always somebody neither of us has heard of. It’s sad to see them go but at the end of the day, they’re nobody.   
Ash is somebody.  
If he gets reaped there would be an uproar. Right? But what could anybody do if he was? What could I do if he was? Nothing. I could do absolutely nothing. Just like he would be able to do nothing if I’m the one who’s reaped.  
This must be what he’s been worried about all day. Why Ash is convinced that he’s going to be the one going into the Games I’m not sure, but if it’ll calm him down then I’ll promise him what he wants.   
“Okay, I’ll make sure they’re alright”, I say nodding my head and reaching out to cover his hands that still hold my face. I expect him to pull away, but he doesn’t.  
“I need you to say you promise”, Ash pleads, and I can feel my heart shatter when I notice that he’s starting to cry. Without thinking I pull him into me wrapping myself around him.   
“I promise you, Ash. As long as I live nothing will ever happen to them.”   
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alectoperdita · 9 months
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I no longer know when anything is happening at work and I can't tell if it's because no one's telling me anything or I've checked out so hard that nothing is penetrating the fog. Both of which are bad.
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tim “never had to work a day in his life” drake talking to bernard “living on government welfare” dowd:
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#tbd#☉#lemme start by prefacing this with I KNOW there's no real normal way to be human#ok i get that#but fucking HELL I wish i was normal#i wish my health was normal for my age#i wish i wasn't fucking. neurodivergent#im fine with being queer but ffs why am i in between normal queer and accepted Aroace-ness#why am i abnormal in that regard too#i wish I didn't alienate people i wish i didn't have to explain why im extra quiet and moody and minutes from a meltdown#i wish my hands and feet wouldn't swell up and hurt and burn and I wish i could take a fucking shower without feeling dread#because i had the water temp set to hot and now im dizzy and my heart is racing and im overheating -- alternatively I wish#i didn't feel so self conscious because i DONT shower every day or even every other day like i dont like when my hair goes limp either!#and i use deodorant everyday and wipe off when i can but i have fuckin Let's Sweat Buckets For No Reason Disorder so i always look and feel#like a drowned rat. im tired of being tired but not being able to sleep. im tired of not being able to explain that yes its really not you#its me. me wanting to be alone has nothing to do with you ok its my brain deciding to fuckin shut down because everything is too much rn#& idk how to tell you that im at my wits end but if you treat me with kidd gloves i WILL go off like a fuckin bomb. just treat me NORMAL ffs#just treat me normal 😭 i just want to be normal. i want to be able to sit down and just do my application stuff instead of#staring at a blank document for weeks and then wanting to throw things as the deadline approaches (#its due friday and i have absolutely nothing written lmao) and idk if its executive dysfunction or anxiety or my tendancey to self sabotage#but either way im so fuckin fucked. im NOT in the headspace rn for writing a graduate school application letter.#trying hard not to cry rn bcs my friend and her parents are sleeping already bcs they have a 9-5 sleeping schedule to fit their 9-5 jobs#like i dont even have a normal sleeping schedule lmao mine's 2-10. i just don't understand why im so broken or whatever. not normal.#& i feel bad for bitching about it all bcs objectively i have a pretty decent life. i have a home i have food i have a family that loves me#im just back to feeling like im too much and also not enough and im so fuckin lonely. im tired of feeling lonely. and i think#ive got a platonic crush or two. or something. and idk how to handle that anymore. if i ever did.#idk idk i feel like im back to looking at the world and passersby through frosted glass again.
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quirinah · 7 months
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(guy who waited until the last day of September to draw) i love kukuchi month ^_^
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buttercupsfantasy · 1 year
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Finally done w wrk!! 💜🖤💜
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yuriyuruandyuraart · 1 year
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from time to time I still think of those doodles you drew of studioverse Killer and Nightmare where Killer was like "damn those nonexistent lips" lmao
hah oh yeah those ones xD
gsfvbdhrf i mean i just had to joke about it!! always makes me chuckle whenever i see a fic mention their 'lips' so the opportunity was too precious to simply pass up >:'Dc
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