#even though those pictures are horrendously bad now lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lacheri · 3 years

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pairing: switch!Eren and switch!fem bodied reader

content: college au, OnlyFans/sex work, masturbation (m), praise kink, oral (f and m receiving), squirting, penetrative sex, drug and alcohol use, classic college party, Eren is down horrendously bad, I believe in long haired Eren supremacy, minors DNI

summary: when jean finally convinces eren to crawl out from under his rock to join society on instagram, he finds there’s a whole lot more than just pictures of food. there’s you.

wc: 15.4k (I know it’s a long one, hope you enjoy tho)

Eren Jaeger had recently found himself in a very, very deep hole. It all started innocently, when one of his best friends Jean had convinced Eren to crawl out of his hole and create an Instagram to join society.

“C’mon Eren,” Jean had teased over a week ago as they studied out on the lawn of their school. “You have no idea what you’re missing out on. No one even uses Facebook anymore, it’s all for moms who want to brag about little Timmy’s genius for figuring out one plus one equals two.”

“What do you even do on Instagram?” Eren’s brows knitted together in confusion, Jean whipping his phone out to show Eren exactly how to use it.

“You post pictures,” Jean navigated to his profile, tapping and sliding down to show Eren all of Jean’s shameless selfies.

“Of just yourself?” he breathed, not comprehending the appeal at all. Don’t people look at his face enough?

“Well, you can post anything you want, that’s the beauty of it. Plus, when you’re not doing that, you get to see and like other people’s pictures.”

“But it says here you follow, 1,536 accounts? And you have 5,000 following you back?” Eren asked incredulously, surprised about how popular his friend’s online persona was. “How do you even know that many people?”

“You don’t,” Jean shrugged, making a few taps to his home page as posts began to load up. “Celebrities have Instagram, our friends have Instagram, fuck, every attractive person on the entire planet has one.”

“How do you even find these people?” Eren’s questioning never seemed to end, the concept out of his comprehension. Facebook was one thing, he personally knew every single one of his friends and family there, and honestly he really enjoyed people just talking about their day to day ordeals.

That’s when Jean forced Eren to hand his phone over and download the app. Jean snapped a quick picture of Eren, to which Eren had no reaction time to. Before he could protest, Jean had already uploaded the candid with some random song lyrics as the caption. To be honest with himself, Eren had to admit that Jean had taken a very flattering picture. He had his knee brought to his chest while his arm dangled over, back slumped and relaxed while he sat on the blanket they had set down before lounging there, hair in his signature sloppy man bun. It was mid day, so all the shadows casted behind his body as the sun’s rays illuminated every high point and contrast of his stoic face.

After a few follow backs from his friends, Armin and Mikasa, he had accumulated a few dozen likes, and Eren couldn’t help the feelings of instant gratifications wash over him, “Okay? So, now what?”

“Now,” Jean began to instruct him, putting the phone back in Eren’s hands after showing him the basics of social media. “Go to my page, and start following whoever you want from my following list. There’s some really hot girls.”

And when Eren laid in his dorm bed that night by himself, he did just that. He really didn’t want to give Jean the satisfaction of showing him who he followed, or why he decided to. His finger scrolled and scrolled through the following list on Jean’s Instagram, hitting the follow button on a few bands he really enjoyed. But then, his hand stopped at one username in particular. The avatar showed a pretty girl, smiling brightly into the camera, sun’s golden rays blooming behind her hair.

Eren tapped on the username, and the first thing he took note of was the bio. ‘Connoisseur of mimosas and rock and roll’, he had to smirk at that, what a simple sentence to sum yourself up with. His eyes flickered to the link in her bio, titled, OnlyFans. He titled his head, Jean hadn’t mentioned what OnlyFans was? Did everyone have an OnlyFans too, like Instagram? He tapped on the highlighted link to be met with a page of prices. What the fuck was so exclusive about it that he had to pay ten dollars for a single picture? As he scrolled down a bit more, he noticed the pricing rising to the final payment cost.

“200 dollars for a personal Snapchat and to talk to me every day?” he read aloud, mouth open in disgust. “What the fuck is this?”

He hit the done option in the upper left corner, returning to the Instagram page in question. He tapped on the first photo, the girl’s back facing the camera, completely bare as her hair trickled down the center. She was sitting in a pretty pink bath, floating flowers all around, staring out a window, captioned, ‘wishing you were here’. His gaze lingered on the dips of her waist, before scrolling down to see the girl in some more clothing. This one was a much prettier picture, glasses set on the brim of her nose while she sat comfortably at a wooden table in a library. She stared directly into the camera, a pretty smile on her face while her hands sat perched under her chin. Some books were open on the table, and Eren took note of the quilted skirt peeking out from the under the bottom, her knees tightly crossed. ‘finals week is going to be the death of me, thank the universe for coffee’.

Eren back tracked out of the photo after double tapping, trying to drink in a comprehensive idea of what exactly people were paying so much money to see. He scrolled, and landed on his answer. The girl sat on a stool, phone angled in the mirror to take in her frame, wearing nothing but black lingerie and heels with a smirk on her face, the caption simply, ‘follow me on OnlyFans, link in bio’.

‘Hey Jean, what’s OnlyFans?’ Eren typed a quick text to his now mentor, patiently waiting as three bubbles appeared from his friend’s end.

‘Lol I see what you’re using Instagram for now, Jaeger’, was Jean’s only reply, and Eren could feel himself getting frustrated. Before he could type back an angry text, those bubbles popped up once again. ‘It’s basically porn, you pay for people’s pictures and videos’.

‘Why would someone want to do that? It’s free almost everywhere else’.

‘Because, young grasshopper, girls are hot and I’m trynna see some titties’.

Eren rolled his eyes at his friend’s stupidity. Deducing that Jean was obviously one of these paying customers, Eren felt a little more secure in himself as he tapped the follow button on the girl’s page. What he wasn’t expecting though was a notification informing him she had followed back, followed quickly by another one liking his only post. Eren couldn’t hold back a blush, heart thumping in his chest. Did this girl think he was good looking?

The thought didn’t sit for long as yet another notification popped up, this time a comment. The girl had simply put a heart eyed emoji, followed by a fire emoji. Eren retreated in haste back to her profile, analyzing every picture and caption.

That had been a month ago, and now Eren had a full blown addiction to the website, more specifically her Instagram. Eren was even paying for her OnlyFans now, making excuses that the money he spent would be used for coffees and lunches anyhow, and he really had to nip his caffeine addiction in the butt so he might as well spend his cash on her.

She had just posted a photoset, one of many on her page, completely naked aside from a gold necklace adorned on her neck, a simple initial of ‘E’ rested prettily on her collarbone. It was like she knew Eren was devouring her social medias on a daily basis. It was all for him, Eren had concluded. There was no coincidence that she had followed and liked his own page, it was all fate and meant to be. Eren had figured out how to DM someone, thanks to Jean showing him how to during one of their classes, and he had taken full advantage of the girl’s inbox. Unfortunately with no reply or read receipt to even prove she had received his messages, introducing himself and showering the girl with compliments. Oh, Eren was down bad. He even brought himself to pay out the $50 tier on her OnlyFans for the month, tired of entering his card information for every daily post.

His dick twitched hard as he drank in her form, curvaceous and beautiful and feminine. It wasn’t even like he just wanted to fuck her either, if he needed relief like that he’d just hit up one of the handful of girls he had saved in his contacts. Eren Jaeger wanted to take this girl out on a fucking date. They had so much in common, they were practically soulmates. She liked and followed all the same bands Eren did, posted on her stories all about her favorite foods and her zodiac sign. While he didn’t really believe in that shit, his Google search history of checking if Aries was compatible spoke to something completely different.

And then Eren began noticing something. How the library she frequently posted pictures in was the same library on campus. All the restaurants she went to were in an hour radius of him, half of them being his usual hangout spots. She lived locally, which thoroughly surprised him. Had he seen her around before? No, definitely not, he would’ve definitely remembered her pretty face. None of the girls that he knew looked like her, and if Eren didn’t know what a woman’s body felt like, he would’ve sworn her body was made of plastic.

Eren was practically an expert at Instagram now, and had plenty of opportunities to follow other beautiful women, but he chose not to. He felt guilty one night as he maneuvered through another pretty girl’s pictures, quickly retreating back to the comfort of his favorite girl’s instead. This was one of the reasons Eren had fought getting online for so long, whenever he found something he liked, he got obsessive.

His attention was drawn back to her naked photos, and he slipped his hand under the fabric of his sweatpants as he began to fuck his fist to her pretty image. All for him, he panted as he imagined what she would look like in front of him, beautiful and begging for his touch.

“Thank you so much,” you smiled graciously at the Starbucks employee in front of you, taking your large iced coffee from his hands.

“No problem, have a great day!”

You tossed your hair behind your shoulder as you turned around, the smile still vibrant on your face. Today was a good day, you decided almost as soon as you woke up. After studying for finals for nearly two weeks straight, you finally had a day off to enjoy yourself. Your best friend, Sasha, had convinced you to go on a small shopping day with her. You eagerly agreed that morning, toothbrush forgotten in between your teeth as your fingers rapidly tapped away to schedule a time. You were running out of sexy outfits for your OnlyFans content, and frankly, you really need some new summer clothes. Spring was drawing to a close, and you couldn’t just wear hoodies and leggings all year round, no matter how much you wanted to.

The mall was about two blocks away from the Starbucks, and as you chugged down your coffee, you slid your phone out of your back pocket of your jeans to see multiple notifications from Instagram. Just more people liking your posts, and some DMs, but you just rolled your eyes. You got tired of explaining on your stories that they were broken, and Instagram had no intent on trying to adjust it so you’d be able to view your messages and reply. You sighed, slipping it back into your pocket as you made your way through the entrance of the shopping mall.

Sasha was seated at a table in the cafeteria near the entrance you had just walked through. She jumped out of her seat, a wide smile on her lips as she strutted up to your form.

“You ate without me?” you pouted, smelling the leftover scent of pizza wash over you.

“Yeah, but don’t worry, I’m still hungry,” Sasha waved her hand. This girl had the fastest metabolism of a person you had ever met, so her statement didn’t really phase you.

“Okay, so, before I spend all my money and forget, we have to go to the lingerie shop,” you stated, stomping your way to the escalators.

“I’m guessing your OnlyFans is doing good?” she asked, knowing just how expensive this certain store was as she lingered behind you.

“Dude, you literally wouldn’t believe it,” you sighed dreamily. “If I had known how much money I’d be making, I would’ve done it way sooner. You should seriously consider making your own.”

“Nah, I’ll just let you have the spotlight on this one,” she snickered as the both of you stepped on the moving staircase. “Are they all creepy old men?”

“No, surprisingly, there’s a few people I have classes with that follow me,” you gossiped. “You know Jean from economics?”

Sasha nodded, eyes widening, “No fucking way, he’s my friend! I’m not that surprised though, he’s always talking to girls and asking for their Instagrams.”

“He’s never even talked to me, right? But he buys every single post I put out! Which is crazy, considering it’d just be cheaper for him to buy the subscription,” you shrugged, stepping off the escalator and walking shortly afterwards into the lingerie store. “That’s what most my viewers do, anyways.”

“Seen anyone else interesting?” Sasha hummed, eyeing the various garments surrounding her in intrigue.

Your eyes honed in on a strappy bright red one piece, “Just a few of his friends, I think. One of them is pretty cute, actually, but he’s only got one picture up.”

“You talking about Eren?”

You nodded, eyes lighting up, “Yeah, do you know him? I’ve never seen him around campus before.”

Sasha was beginning to plot, “Yeah he usually hangs out with Armin and Mikasa, but he goes to a lot of house parties. You know, actually, I think Jean is throwing one soon. He rented a cabin for after finals, you should come!”

“Won’t that be weird?” you scrunched your face, picking up the red one piece and moving onto the next garment that caught your eye. “Like I said, I’ve never even talked to him.”

“Yeah but you know Mikasa and me,” she raised her thumb towards herself. “Eren will be there too.”

“All I said was that I thought he was cute, Sasha,” you laughed her off. “But I’ll think about it. Text me the details and I’ll let you know if I’m free.”

“Something tells me Jean would be very happy to see you there,” Sasha chuckled, you giggling in response to her suggestive comment. The two of you picked through the selection of skimpy clothing, taking it up the cashier to check out.

You walked out of the store together, giggling over small banter. Your trip to the mall was quick after that, and in the end you held a grip full of medium sized paper bags, walking outside the mall with Sasha.

“Oh, hey!” Sasha suddenly quipped, placing her bags on the sidewalk, pulling her phone out of her crossbody bag. “We should take a picture!”

“Sasha I’m not even wearing lipstick,” you half heartedly complained, getting ready to pose next to your best friend.

“Literally, you’re so fucking hot,” she deadpanned, turning her head to look you directly in the eyes. “Shut up and get in, bitch.”

You threw your head back in laughter, leaning in on the left side of her frame, pushing your hair framing your face behind your ear. You smiled widely while Sasha did the same, hearing a soft click of her phone, indicating the photo was taken. Your phone vibrated in your pocket, bringing it out to see a notification stating she had posted it to her story. You’d repost it to your story later after you grabbed food, you decided, the conversation turning to the topic of where the two of you would eat before heading back to your apartment to get drunk in celebration of your semesters ending.

Eren and his two friends sat crowded in Jean’s dorm room bathroom, passing around a blunt. He could hear Connie coughing harshly as it was passed to Eren, the boy taking a deep drag of the backwoods cigarillo. Exhaling slowly, Eren brought his phone out of his hoodie pocket to open it up to change the song playing, his phone instantly opening to Instagram.

Distracted now by his favorite obsession, he glanced at the stories section, her name front in the line, glowing in that now familiar pink and purple circle. Eren couldn’t have tapped faster, and when he did, his mouth hung open.

“Yo,” Eren spoke loudly, shoving his phone in Jean and Connie’s faces. “Sasha knows this girl?”

“Yeah, they’re like best friends,” Connie quirked an eyebrow. “You don’t know her?”

“No, I just saw we had mutual friends,” Eren’s eyebrows knitted together. “How come we’ve never hung out with her before?”

“I don’t know actually,” Jean said, exhaling the blunt after it was passed to him from Eren’s fingertips. “I had a class with her this semester, she seems nice.”

“You’re only saying that because she’s hot,” Connie chuckled. “I bet you’ve never even talked to the girl.”

Jean’s face ignited in a fierce blush as he found interest in the ceiling tiles, “Shut up. It’s harder to talk to girls than it looks. You should know that, Connie.”

“Hey! I talk to girls!” Connie leaned up from his seated position on the floor.

“Idiots,” Eren sighed, rolling his eyes. “Neither of you have any game.”

“Not all of us are as gifted as you are, Eren,” Connie protested, a smirk spreading across his lips. “You could talk to a fucking mouse and it’d figure out someway to talk back.”

Eren rolled his eyes again, harder this time, “You just talk to girls like they’re human beings, it’s not that fucking hard.”

“Oh yeah? Betcha’ won’t be saying that whenever you see that girl around,” Jean teased, finally passing the blunt to Connie in the rotation, Connie muttering something about hogging it.

Eren shifted uncomfortably on the closed toilet seat, “Whatever, Jean.”

“Speak of the fucking devil!” Jean shouted, scaring the very high pair of boys at the suddenness. “Sasha just texted me asking if she can bring her this weekend to the cabin!”

Eren’s heart erupted into a flutter of uneven beats, his face heating up. This girl he had been drooling over was going to be at a party, with him? He suddenly felt like a teenager, the idea of seeing his precious addiction face to face giving him full blown anxiety.

Soft thuds of the bass of the stereo filled the room, catchy pop music drawing Eren out of his stupor to gaze hastily around the room, searching.

“What’s up with you tonight?” Armin had asked him, drawing his attention away once again. “It’s been an hour since the party started and you’ve barely drunk anything.”

Taking note of the full red solo cup in his hand, flickering his gaze between the liquid and his best friend, Eren shrugged and tipped the rim back in his lips, opening his throat and taking large gulps until the cup was empty. “Happy?”

Armin laughed loudly, although only having two strong drinks, his best friend was beginning to feel the numbness of intoxication, “You’re really out of it tonight, everything alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine, just waiting for the smoke sesh so I’m not cross faded,” Eren smirked, lying easily. “Last time I got too drunk and decided to rip Jean’s bong, I woke up in some random front yard with one shoe on.”

Armin shook his head in disbelief, “You really need to start making better life choices, Eren.”

Eren shook the empty solo cup in front of his friend, “I’m trying here.”

Truthfully, the reason Eren wasn’t halfway to getting shit faced was because he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of the girl of his dreams. She still hadn’t shown up yet, and Eren was getting anxious that she wasn’t going to show. Sasha and Mikasa hadn’t shown up yet either, which gave him a resemblance of hope that the three of you were together, and on your way currently to the party. His heart thudded heavily in his ribcage as he heard the jingle of the front door turn, and his attention was fully concentrated on the door frame ahead of him. His jaw dropped at the sight, his breath caught in his throat.

You asked Sasha earlier that day what you should wear to the party, and Sasha had just waved and told you whatever you felt looked the best. Not exactly helpful, you had just decided on black ripped jeans and a low cut shirt, paired with your favorite leather jacket and trusty Vans. You felt incredibly undressed as Sasha drove to Mikasa’s house, watching her modelesque frame saunter out her front door towards the back car doors.

“Mikasa, you could make a paper bag look hot,” you showered her with appreciation, her face blushing in response as she tugged her long sleeved body con dress towards her knees. “Fuck, should I have worn a dress? How nice is everyone else dressed?”

Sasha couldn’t have given two fucks about how she dressed in front of her friends, adorned in blue skinny jeans and a causal crop top, although her face was beat to the Gods, “Shut the fuck up, you’re one to talk about making paper bags look good. Besides, knowing the boys they probably made minimal effort, probably all wearing sweatpants.”

The three of you snickered at this, and Sasha pushed the car into drive and set out on your 45 minute journey into the mountains. Nerves hadn’t set in until you were face to face with the cabin door, nervous that the girls’ friends weren’t going to like you. Putting a brave face on, Mikasa grasped the door knob and pushed it open, the three of you gliding in.

Eren honestly had wanted to drop down to his knees and kiss the ground you walked on. You were the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Your eyes were searching, for what neither of you knew, until your eyes had finally landed on him. You smiled politely, moving your hand up in a quick wave to both him and Armin.

Eren couldn’t fathom moving any single part of his body, so awestruck by you. Jean shook Eren out of his dumbstricken state with a hard pat to his shoulder, “Why don’t you go introduce yourself, Eren?”

“Fuck off, horse face,” Eren spat, trying to will himself to either make strides towards you or to break his gaze, neither working. “Why don’t you?”

“I’d love to,” he smiled wickedly, inspired by liquid courage to lock arms with Eren and force him closer to the trio of girls that had finally made their appearance. Armin followed behind, Connie emerging out of the bathroom to give his hello’s to his best friend Sasha and company.

Eren could hear his heart beat in his ears as he stopped right in front of you, forcing his mouth closed in a tight lipped grimace. He felt like a fucking teenager with a crush.

“Hi,” you introduced yourself, smiling widely. “It’s so nice to finally meet you guys!”

“Nice to meet you too!” Armin spoke up, oblivious to his friends’ reaction to the fresh pretty face of yours.

Jean and Connie wouldn’t admit it, but they were feeling their own nervousness. Jean’s out of guilt as he scanned your body top to bottom, Connie’s natural shyness kicking in due to the newcomer. Both were able to overcome it though, and offer up their own introductions. Your eyes landed on Eren once again, tilting your head, waiting for his intro.

“I’m Eren,” he swallowed. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” you looked down, smiling softly. You raised your hand then, looking up at the boys in front of you, revealing a handle of vodka. “I brought a gift with me too!”

“My kinda girl!” Jean spoke just a bit too enthusiastically. “Shots, shots, shots!”

Connie pumped his fist, chiming in, the rest of the party joining as well as the crowd made their way into the kitchen. Eren purposely hung back, trying to keep as close to you as possible.

“You happen to bring any chasers with you?” he had leaned in, tickling the side of your head with his breath.

“No, I totally forgot,” you sheepishly admitted.

“Looks like we’re all gonna get plastered then,” he chuckled smoothly, sending goosebumps down your body.

“Is it really a party then if at least one person doesn’t have their head in a toilet?” you had easily quipped back, feeling more comfortable now that the introductions were out of the way.

Eren hummed in half hearted agreement, feeling slightly more relaxed himself. Besides, his attention was being grasped by the plastic shot glass being shoved in his hand, as well as your dainty one. The group held up the shot glasses, a few phone cameras capturing the moment to post on their stories, and you all swung your heads back to allow the bitter liquid to trickle down your throats. Eren made a mild face, taking a stolen glance at your own to see your grimace, sticking your tongue out in disbelief at the taste.

Another hour had passed by, and Eren was running out of reasons to follow you around the cabin as you shifted between conversations to get to know the group of friends better. You hadn’t really noticed him trailing behind you, nor did you really care because you were very quickly warming up to Eren. It also didn’t hurt that he looked exceptionally better in person. His hair was lazily swung into a half top bun, wearing a couple of gold chains with his white tee tightly hugging his torso, tucked seamlessly into black ripped jeans displaying his muscular knee caps. Eren was definitely a looker, you shifted your gaze up to his face as he made some witty comment to Sasha, his eyes flickering to your face to catch your reaction.

“Oh my god, there was this one time,” Sasha spoke your name. “She had gotten so high during last year’s spring break, and the two of us and Mikasa came up with the brilliant idea of becoming one with nature. So, naturally, we ran to Walmart and bought this tent on clearance. Turns out it was made for kids, so none of us actually fit inside when we got back to Mikasa’s house. Mikasa and I curled up in a ball, surrounded by snacks, and this smart girl over here decided it was the best choice to just lay out on the lawn and pass out.”

“I wanted to watch the sun rise!” you laughed, trying to quickly explain yourself to Eren’s amused smirk. “And the grass was just so nice that night!”

“The grass was basically straw,” Sasha countered teasingly. “Twenty degrees outside, absolutely freezing. She was MIA for like a week afterwards with a cold.”

You shrugged carelessly, “Worth it.”

Now the two of you had sleeping on lawns in common? Eren scoffed inwardly. Yup, it was official, you were his soulmate. Still though, the topic of why you were so casual in person while your naked pictures existed online tickled his thoughts. He was hoping that somehow it’d get brought up naturally in conversation, saving himself the embarrassment if you were to get offended by his questioning. So far it seemed you liked him, not having said a word about him trailing after you like a lost puppy. Jean had been sending him knowing looks all night, Connie shooting two thumbs up at Eren while Armin looked on in confusion.

Mikasa had strolled out of the bathroom finally, joining the trio who stood casually in the living room, simply stating, “I’m starving. You guys think they deliver pizza out here?”

Sasha’s eyes widened in excitement, “I don’t care if it takes an hour to get here. We’re ordering right now.”

Already ahead of the two, your phone was pulled out in your hands to open up the Dominoes app, punching in the location of the party and placing the order online. Eren watched this all, peering over your hands to see the total.

“Guys, we should chip in,” Eren called out, grabbing the boys’ attention. “We’re ordering pizza.”

“No, no!” you protested, confirming the order. “It’s really fine, my treat.”

“But that’s really expensive,” he frowned, the group all joined together in the living room.

“Don’t worry, she’s got that OnlyFans money,” Sasha waved off Eren’s concern.

“OnlyFans?” Armin questioned, darting his eyes in between Sasha and you. “What’s that?”

Jean hid his blushing cheeks and your eyes flickered to him, then back to Armin, “I sell naked pictures online.”

“So what, a bunch of old guys give you money?” Armin had asked innocently, not judgemental in the slightest.

You giggled, relieved he wasn’t asking in a demeaning manner, “Actually, you’d be really surprised about who you know follows me. There’s a lot of people from school.”

Eren’s blood ran cold as he felt a sudden onset of embarrassment. Did that mean you had known this entire time Eren was one of these followers? If you did, you didn’t let on to it, smiling shyly as the questions ended. Eren hadn’t been done with the conversation, but pride from exposing himself in front of his friends kept his mouth shut.

It was around one in the morning when the party was at its peak. Sasha was being held up by her legs by Connie as she did a keg stand, you and the group cheering the girl on in your own drunken hazes. She tapped the large can, indicating she was finished, Connie settling her down on solid ground as she belched loudly.

“That was fucking awesome, Sasha!” you giggled, throwing your arms up and around her. You were definitely feeling the shots you had been feeding yourself all night, holding your red solo cup high above the girl so it wouldn’t slosh on her.

“You should totally try it!” she encouraged devilishly.

You pouted then, taking a moment to consider, “I’ve never done a keg stand before, what if I can’t do it?”

“I’ll help you!” Eren all but pounced on the opportunity, your smile turning into a tipsy giggle. “It’s not that hard, you just keep chugging until you can’t anymore. I’ll hold you, you got this.”

You lightly blushed, nodding your head at the encouragement, bringing a fist to your chest as a salute, “I’ll do it! We gotta’ put on a cool song though, if I’m going to fail miserably I might as well have a good song to do it to.”

Mikasa volunteered, as she was already DJ, having the best music taste out of everyone in the group. She dug her phone out of her pocket, switching over to a ‘Pursuit of Happiness’ remix. Connie whooped at the choice, and everyone began to chant your name as you hovered by the keg, very nervous. Eren then placed his large hand on the small of your back, leaning in to reassure you once again. You gulped, nodding that you were ready to get into position.

“Okay, so you’re going to lean your arms on the top of the can, and I’ll grab your legs. Like when you were a kid and you’d do that stupid wheelbarrel thing,” Eren easily explained, chuckling lightly. “Use your hands to let me know when you’re done.”

You did as you were told, resting your upper body against the keg as Eren hooked his arms around your calves. He couldn’t help but admire how strong your legs felt in his grasp, and how right it felt to finally have some bodily contact. He had been trying to figure out a natural way all night, and he was bubbling over in excitement, the chance had arisen, glorious in the promise of touch.

You placed your lips hesitantly around the tap, opening it up into your mouth, and began to chug. ‘Chug, chug, chug!’ was chanted all around you, even Mikasa joining in on the fun. Fists bumped in the air, and you felt like the coolest fucking person in the world. Doing a keg stand wasn’t exactly in your goals list, but fuck did it feel like it should’ve been as your ego inflated.

“That’s it, you’re doing great!” Eren’s thumbs brushed the inside of your knees, leaning in to whisper. “Good girl.”

You sputtered around the tap, choking harshly. You removed your mouth quickly to gasp for air, and the tap shot up all over your shirt, jacket long forgotten resting on the sofa in the living room. Eren moved your legs down to the floor quickly seeing this, and wrapped his arm around your waist to steady you as your arm shot out to grab onto something, in this case his other arm.

“You alright?” Jean asked, a look of concern washing over his features as you finally got some air into your lungs.

“Yeah,” you coughed again, blushing in embarrassment. “I definitely made a mess though.”

“I brought some extra clothes with me,” Eren offered quickly. “One of these idiots always manages to somehow spill something within the first hour of drinking. I’ll show you where my bag is at.”

You smiled in appreciation, biting your tongue to accuse him of purposely throwing you off your game with his little praise that had your knees buckling. He unwound his arm, taking your hand and leading you to the staircase by the entryway, your smaller form following behind him as he thudded up the stairs. Three doors greeted you at the top, and he led you into the master bedroom, plainly decorated and lacking personal belongings. You watched as he chucked a duffle bag onto the mattress, unzipping it and going through his clothes. He found a sweatshirt, smirking inwardly as it had been one of his old sports ones with his last name embroidered on the back. Proud he could provide a claim to you, he extended it to you, and you gladly accepted it.

“Well, you did really well in the beginning there,” he chuckled, whisking his stray baby hairs behind his ear. “Sucks about the shirt though. The first time I tried to do a keg stand, I barfed everywhere.”

You laughed lightly, fingering the hem of your shirt, “I guess it could’ve been a lot worse. Still, at least I can check this off my bucket list.”

Eren’s eyebrows shot into his hairline as you lifted your shirt to reveal your bare stomach, and he whisked his body completely around so you didn’t see his reddened cheeks, “You could’ve asked me to leave.”

Behind him, you let a mischievous smirk cross your lips, “Nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Eren’s mouth fell open at your bold statement, letting his words leave before he could stop them, “You know?”

“Of course,” you discarded the sodden shirt to the floor, sitting on the bed instead of tossing the sweatshirt on. “You’re my favorite viewer.”

He caught your movement in the corner of his eye, and he turned his head to take in the sight. Fuck, you were even more beautiful in person. Your bra was white and pretty and dainty, pushing your tits together, accentuating cleavage that Eren wanted to bury his face in. His gaze moved up to your face, smiling so innocently at him as he let out a dark chuckle, “Is that so?”

You hummed, leaning back to expose your form a bit more, feeling confident from the alcohol, “You like every one of my pictures, you buy all my content, you’re pretty cute, of course you’re my favorite.”

Eren’s ego soared as he turned his body completely towards you, taking a small step forward, “You’re just so beautiful, how could I not? I do have to ask this though, how come you never answered any of my messages?”

“Oh, my DMs are broken. Instagram doesn’t let me view them or respond,” you explained easily. “You know, you could’ve hit me up on OnlyFans, I definitely would have answered you.”

A blush crept up on Eren again as he averted his gaze to the floor, “I didn’t think about that.”

You giggled softly, “What’d you send me anyways?”

“I asked you out on a date,” he admitted, growing more nervous. “Told you that you were really pretty. Y’know, stuff you probably get all the time.”

“Most of my messages are from guys trying to take me out drinking and to get a quick fuck,” you scoffed. “Y’know, if the offer is still on the table, I’d really like to take you up on it.”

“Really?” Eren’s eyes met yours in surprise, you watched his Adam’s apple bob along his throat as he gulped. “You’d want to go out with me?”

“Yeah, who else is going to hold me up when I try to do a keg stand again?” you smiled sheepishly, batting your eyelashes. Eren’s hands twitched at his sides, fuck, you were so pretty.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked seriously, his gaze hardening as he felt a wave of possessiveness. In his mind, you were already his girlfriend. You had accepted his date, and he’d be damned if he didn’t try to push his luck further.

Eren had never felt the way he feels right now. He took immediate notice of your blushing cheeks, your confident lean turn into a shy arch as you pushed your body into a hunched over seating position. Eren had experience with girls, that everyone knew as a fact, he was very far from being a virgin. You made him feel like a fucking virgin, heart beating wildly in his chest. All he wanted to do was to grab you and hide you away for his own greedy pleasure, the darkest parts of his mind tickled by the thought. He had laid a claim to you way before he had ever met you, and he wouldn’t let you escape now that he had you here, alone.

You didn’t answer his request, you pushed yourself off the mattress and met his staggering stance halfway. Unknown to his wicked thoughts, his past month of obsessing of you, you leaned up, gently brushing your lips against his. No one had ever asked you this simple question before, instead just taking the action as if they had owned you, and you thought to yourself that you could really love this boy who presented himself so innocently to you.

The soft placement of your lips to his was not enough, and Eren buried his mouth with your own, moving both of his hands to cup your face. He could feel your jaw beneath the pads of his fingertips as you attempted to meet his pace, sensual and passionate. The need for air forgotten for the both of you, sucking in deeply through your noses as the space continued to close between your bodies.

“Gonna take you someplace real nice,” muttered Eren as he pulled away slightly to gaze his half lidded eyes on your fluttering eyelashes, your gaze now hidden from him. “I know you like that one place in the city, I saw your little post of you wearing that tight dress. You looked so fucking pretty.”

Tingles shivered up your bones, a sharp intake of breath as you fluttered your eyes open to take in his deep lustful expression, “I’ll wear it for you, if you want.”

“Wear my necklace too.”

You pulled away completely this time, baffled, “Your necklace?”

“The one with the ‘E’ on it,” he breathed, moving forward to accommodate the sudden distance, his lips meeting the corner of your mouth. You realized then what he was referring to, a small smirk uplifting his kiss. You wouldn’t tell him though that the necklace in question was just some random trinket with no meaning you had purchased, or that you hadn’t even recognized the pretty cursive as a letter. You figured out very quickly Eren’s little crush was a bit more involved than just him attached to your hip at this party. No, it was way deeper than that. All of the likes, the money, the new information of messages made sense to you. Eren had believed you were his, and he had sought out confirmation all night to prove it.

“Okay,” you played along to his fantasy, an expert since it was your job online already to provide this to your viewers. “What else do you want me to wear?”

“There’s this one set of lingerie,” Eren was the one to pull back now, letting his teal eyes trail downwards to your chest, displeased by the lack of skin shown to him in that instance. “The black lacy one, fuck, wear that. You look so fucking sexy in that.”

“You don’t like when I wear white?” you pouted, bringing your hands to rest against the peak of your breasts, framing them like a picture.

“I like anything you wear,” a smirk crossed his features, eyes locked in on your tits. “Or what you don’t wear.”

You were met with two choices then. One, kiss Eren and get dressed and save yourself for your date, or two, fulfill his now present fantasy of his that was beginning to morph into your own. You mentally battled the decision in your mind, feeling the desire curl in your stomach at each option. If you were to give in now, Eren might not want to continue to chase after you, the promise of an actual date forgotten. Not to mention the party of people down stairs, the thud of music softened behind the closed door of the bedroom indicating it was still in full swing. Eren saw your hesitation, and let his hands travel to your elbows comfortingly.

“I know we technically just met,” he started, eyes now locked in on yours in genuine honesty. “But I really like you. You’re all I’ve thought about for the past month, so if you don’t feel comfortable going any further, that’s okay, I’ll wait. I’ve waited this long.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” you bit your lip as you watched his teal orbs flicker to your mouth. “It’s just — oh God, this is embarrassing to talk about so soon.”

“Shh, it’s okay, I won’t judge,” he cooed, bringing just a hand up to soothe over your cheek.

“I’m not exactly quiet,” you admitted, gesturing towards the floor. “I don’t really want to be the girl who fucks someone at the first party they show up to.”

Eren hadn’t predicted you to be loud in his fantasies, but he was really wishing he had. He held back a groan at your confession, images of what could be filling his dirty mind, “Fuck, okay, no problem. I don’t have any condoms with me anyways.”

“Actually,” you drawled. “I’m on the pill, so as far as that goes, that doesn’t really matter. I’m clean too, I haven’t been with anyone in a long time.”

Boxes were being ticked quickly off of Eren’s checklist, and he let his jaw hang open, “I’m clean too, I don’t fuck anyone without a condom, to be honest.”

I’m going to fuck her raw, is all that was going through his mind. Treat her so good, take her out wearing her pretty little dress and treat her like a fucking princess.

“Please tell me you’re free tomorrow,” Eren pleaded. “I’ll take us fucking anywhere you want.”

“I am, actually,” you batted your eyelashes.

“Cool,” he muttered, beginning to feel drawn into your lips again. As you began to lean back in, a sharp knock sounded at the door.

“Hey! Everything alright?” you both froze, recognizing the voice as Armin’s. Of course he’d be the only one to dare interrupt, and the party below had discouraged him. Eren had taken you upstairs, and while they were all aware of the possibility of the two of you would be hooking up, Armin was more concerned that one or both of you had gotten sick and were in need of help.

“Yeah, we’re fine! Be out in a second!” Eren shouted, feeling suddenly frazzled from the intense interaction between you two. If Armin had opened the door, seeing the two of you locked in together so closely, making out feverishly, it would be completely mortifying. Especially since it wouldn’t be the first time Armin had accidentally seen his best friend in a suggestive situation.

You pecked his lips quickly then, breaking out of his embrace to throw his sweatshirt over your head. Eren was counting backwards in his head to rid himself of the half erection in his pants, nearly impossible as he thought about how pretty you looked in his clothing.

“C’mon,” you tugged at his hand, urging him to follow you back downstairs. “We have a pizza to eat and friends to convince that we definitely didn’t just fuck for ten minutes.”

The group hadn’t made a single comment when you two rejoined the party, only just knowing smirks from Jean and Connie to Eren. Sasha had wiggled her eyebrows at you, and you quickly pulled her and Mikasa into the bathroom to recap what had just occurred upstairs. The girls clapped drunkenly at your news of a date, incredibly excited that their best friend was finally going out with a boy. The night had ended around three in the morning, bodies scattered throughout the house to pass out wherever they pleased. Eren had continued to stay by you the rest of the night, this time, not shy at all as he stole touches to your back. And when it came time to pass out, you felt smugness as he rested his head on your back while you laid on your side on the same bed upstairs, his arm thrown tightly around your waist. Sasha curled up in front of you, your own head snuggling into her shoulder as the room spun you into a deep slumber.

You sat at a vanity in your apartment bedroom the next evening, applying various makeups to your face. Mikasa had awoken you and Sasha pretty early the next morning, wanting to go home so she could get ready for her job. Eren snored quietly behind you as you tried your best to maneuver out of his grasp, and the three of you cleaned up the cups and plates scattered around the house as a thank you to Jean for the invitation. Sasha had driven you all the way back to your place when you realized you were still wearing Eren’s hoodie, and you smirked. Now he definitely had a reason to get you on this date tonight, you had something that belonged to him.

When Eren had woken up, he truly believed for a few minutes that you had just been a dream. Pictures and videos posted all over Instagram had shown him differently though, the two of you leaning against each other on the leather couch smiling drunkenly on Armin’s story had his heart pounding. His arm was around your shoulders, your head was tilted in the crook of his neck, and then Eren remembered that he was going to see you again tonight. He took a screenshot before the story moved on to a video of the group in a heated discussion about music tastes, a quiet chuckle made its way out of his throat as he recounted memories that would become very fond to him.

He had posted the picture then to his Instagram, a few others followed after that included him and his other friends. Eren tagged all of the people, but most importantly, the picture of the two of you was the first in the line up of the photo set. A few messages hit his inbox after he hit the post button, some classmates asking if you were his girlfriend, because you were wearing his sweatshirt in the photo. He decided to not respond, because as much as he wanted to tell them yes, he knew he’d be jumping the gun. His heart raced as a notification popped up — you had liked the picture, and added a comment, ‘last night was a movie’ with a kiss emoji. When he refreshed the page, your lit up story showed him that you had even reposted his photo set. His ego soared, his affections no longer one sided, and he couldn’t fucking wait to take you out later and show you the best time he could.

Eren had gotten your phone number from Sasha not long before your date, asking for your address and trying to pick out a time to head out to dinner. You tapped a response quickly, and looked at the clock to gauge how much time you’d need to be fully ready. That had been about three hours ago, your body had been scrubbed and shaved, hair curled prettily down your back as you added the final touches of lipstick to your lips. The dress Eren had talked about was laid out on your perfectly made bed, a pretty satin champagne colored fabric, and your apartment was fairly clean, fully expecting his company after the date of all went well. You dressed yourself easily, slipping on black heels when you heard the chime of your phone, letting you know Eren was awaiting you outside.

When the elevator doors chimed open as you walked into your lobby, you saw from the entrance doors Eren leaned back casually against the Uber he had offered to pay for. His attention immediately focused on your form as you exited your building, his gaze flickered all over your body.

“You look incredible,” Eren easily complimented, pushing himself up to stand straight. He leaned in to kiss your blushing cheek as you muttered a quiet ‘thank you’, and he pulled the door handle of the sleek black car, ushering you inside. He slammed it closed after you had positioned yourself comfortably, giving the driver a soft greeting as Eren circled around the back, getting in on the opposite side. The directions were already plugged into the driver’s GPS, and it took less than twenty minutes to get to the restaurant in question.

This gave you enough time to take in Eren’s appearance, and damn if you wouldn’t have allowed yourself to do so, the sight practically mouth watering. His hair hung low in a messy bun, a few complementary strands hanging out to frame his sharp jawline. His torso was adorned in a sheer white long sleeve button up, a small portion of his chest revealed as he had left the top buttons alone, chains hanging against his collarbones, silver in color this time. Black slacks that tightened around his thighs and calves had you biting your lip in appreciation, his legs spread as he took up space in the backseat.

“Staring isn’t very polite,” he had leaned in, taking notice of your devouring gaze.

“Stop dressing like a whore and maybe I won’t stare,” you teased back, chuckling quietly when he swatted your exposed thigh lightly. He kept his hand there for the rest of the drive, enjoying the comfortable silence as the quiet hum of the radio filled in the gaps.

When the Uber had slowed to a stop outside of the fancy restaurant Eren had insisted taking you to, he swung the door open before you had a chance to reach for the handle on your side. He raced to the other side of the car, pulling open the door and extending his hand out for you to grasp onto. You circled your fingers around his palm, and he tightened his grasp as you swung your legs over the flooring, and stood before him. The two of you thanked the driver, and he sped away shortly after. Hand still locked in with yours, Eren led the way inside the opened doors of the restaurant. Inside, a hostess wearing a very classy black uniform greeted the two of you.

“Reservation for Eren,” he spoke smoothly, and your eyes widened in surprise, expecting to have sat and waited for at least a half an hour before you had been seated.

“Right this way,” she smiled politely, two menus in her hands as she welcomed you into the dining area. You followed behind Eren, realizing that this place must’ve been a lot more expensive than you originally had gauged. All the guests appeared in their very best formal attire, and the chatter was soft as the beautiful notes of a piano resounded throughout the space. While you couldn’t pinpoint exactly where the music was coming from, you had a strong feeling that there was a physical player somewhere in the midst, it sounded so clear and professional. When the hostess had sat you down in a booth secluded against the furthest set wall, she smiled politely once more and informed you that the waiter would be with you soon.

“Eren,” you hissed as you sat opposite of his smirking form. “This place is stupid fancy!”

“Don’t worry about it,” he waved easily. “I got it, I promise.”

“How are you able to afford this? I’ve got a little bit of money and even I couldn’t go some place this nice,” you questioned, feeling a small pang of guilt. He was going to go broke trying to treat you to a very nice, albeit expensive, meal.

“My dad is a doctor,” he shrugged, picking up the menu and eyeing over their drink selection. “He sends me money whenever I come around and help around his office.”

“Following in the family footsteps?” you tried at the conversation, realizing you virtually knew nothing about the boy in front of you.

“Nah, I’m more into the business side of things,” he smiled up at you then, showing off his pearly white teeth. “What about you? What are you majoring in?”

You spoke of your major, Eren carefully listening in of your passions and your goals for your future ahead. He was pleased to hear that you were ambitious, smiling as he was enamored by your speech. Not that he minded a single bit about your online job, but to hear that you had a legitimate career goal soothed his worries.

A finely dressed waiter greeted you shortly, introducing himself and taking the both of your orders in one go, and stole away the menus. The rest of the date flew by quickly, tipsy from your cocktails and full of giggles as the two of you got to know one another. Although Eren was already knowledgeable about a number of your likes and dislikes and personality quirks due to Instagram, you had the undisguisable pleasure of learning his right then and there.

“So,” you leaned your elbows onto the table, resting your chin atop of your closed fists. “Tell me, how many girls have you taken here before?”

“Not a single one,” he chuckled lowly, passing the black booklet encasing his credit card as the waiter stopped at the table. “This is actually my first time taking anyone out somewhere so fancy. Usually I just hang out at the more lowkey spots around campus.”

“I would’ve been totally okay with going somewhere like that instead,” you frowned, that same guilt flooding back to your stomach. Eren hadn’t even let you see the bill before he had given it away, so you were completely ignorant as far as how far the total rang up. “You really didn’t have to take me out to such an expensive place.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, smirking as he did so, “Had to take my favorite girl somewhere nice, show you off in that gorgeous dress of yours.”

You blushed, moving your fists to hold your cheeks to try and contain the heat, “Fine, but next time, I want to see one of these ‘lowkey spots’.”

“Next time, huh?” Eren mused cockily.

“Yes, I guess I had a really great time tonight, consider yourself honored,” you giggled half heartedly.

“Oh believe me, I do.”

Eren had walked you to the front door of your apartment like the gentleman he was. Really, he was just trying to procrastinate leaving you, not wanting the night to be over with quite yet. Luckily, you were on the exact same page as he stood awkwardly behind you while you unlocked your front door.

You turned, an eyebrow raised, “Well? Are you coming in or what?”

“Say less,” he sighed in relief, following your sauntering frame inside your apartment. He was initially impressed as you flicked the light switch on the wall up, illuminating your precious space. Very clean and organized, he felt a pang of jealousy, knowing his own dorm room was scattered with clothes and empty water bottles. If he had only seen what your living space looked like before you had straightened up, he might have felt better about himself.

“I have some róse in the fridge,” you offered, making your way to the kitchen. “Would you like a glass?”

“No lie, that’s literally my favorite wine,” Eren groaned. “How are you this perfect?”

You laughed loudly, grabbing two wine glasses from your cabinet, opening your fridge and retrieving the bottle. Filling the glasses generously, you left the bottle on your kitchen counter and turned around, Eren a lot closer than where you had left him a moment ago. You extended his cup, which he graciously took and sipped. You mirrored him, gulping down your own mouthful.

“Y’know,” he started, gazing around your kitchen space. “For all that talk of mimosas in your Instagram bio, I really expected there to be a lot more pictures of you drinking them.”

You chuckled once again, “Believe me, I have plenty of orange juice, vodka, and champagne here. We had such a classy dinner, I thought I’d try and match it with some wine. Besides, vodka brings out the worst in me.”

“Ah, lady in the streets, freak in the sheets,” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. You rolled your eyes, swatting his bicep harmlessly. “I get what you’re about at brunch with the girls.”

“If I had a nickel for every time Mikasa had to peel me and Sasha off the pavement after mimosas and scones, I’d be fucking rich,” you giggled once again, raising the glass to your lips.

“I’m really surprised we hadn’t met each other before last night, especially because Mikasa and I have been best friends since we were little,” Eren raised an eyebrow. “She’s basically my sister, and never once did she say anything about you, I only met Sasha because Connie’s attached to her hip and they share the same brain cell.”

“If it makes you feel better, I only knew Jean existed because we had a class together this semester,” you shrugged, purposefully leaving out the part where he consumed your content almost as much as Eren did.

“And of course me,” Eren smirked cheekily. “Because I’m your favorite viewer, like you said.”

“Don’t make me regret telling you that,” you pointed your glass towards him in a fake threat.

“It’s okay, you’re my favorite girl, so it evens itself out,” Eren placed his half drunk glass on the counter top, his gaze much more seductive. “Besides, you wore my necklace like I asked, I gotta tease you a little bit.”

“I wore pretty much everything you wanted me to,” you smirked, copying his actions and settling your own cup down.

“Did you now?” he took long strides to stand in front of you, toying with the necklace that he had laid claim over.

“I can show you, if you want to see,” you leaned up with full intentions of capturing his kiss.

“There’s nothing else I would rather do, pretty girl,” Eren cooed, licking his lips before meeting you in the middle. His arms circled around your waist, your hands wrapped around his shoulders as the pace started out slowly. Gentle was not what either of you wanted though, the desperation seeping in fast as his fingers explored your sides.

“Bedroom,” you gasped as he removed his lips and attached them to your jaw. He had no qualms of fucking you right out here in the kitchen, so he made no effort to move. Realizing you had to take the reins, you moved backwards from Eren, smirking as he groaned from the sudden distance. His eyes followed you predatorily as he began to chase after you, your back meeting the wooden paneling of your bedroom door. He attempted to recapture your mouth, but your hand was faster in turning the door knob, and you began to lead him back until your mattress met the backs of your knees.

“Want you to show me what you’re wearing under that dress,” Eren demanded, playing with the short hem that rested on your thighs.

You nodded, giving him the silent okay to take off the fabric encompassing your frame. You turned so your back faced him, moving your hair out of the way so he could unzip the back. His eyes followed as he fingered the silver zipper, agonizingly teasing himself as more and more was revealed to him. Seeing the straps of the black lace he had requested drunkenly the night before, his patience snapped as he pulled the metal piece down faster. You slid the tiny straps off your shoulders at the sweet feeling of release, and Eren’s dick was rock fucking solid as it pooled around your feet, you kicked the silky fabric to the side and faced him once more.

“You’re wearing everything I told you to,” he stated, drinking in the sight of your scantily clad body. “Good girl.”

You bit back an embarrassing moan at his praise, feeling the heat pool between your thighs. It came as such a shock to you to be so reactive to his words, and it came slamming into you that maybe you weren’t as vanilla as you had previously believed. You had a kink! It all made so much sense, why you felt such pride and arousal from complete strangers giving you their attention and compliments online. You yearned for it, craved the affections, and now that Eren stood in front of you, more than willing to shower you with pretty words, all the moisture in your mouth dried up. You wanted him so fucking bad.

Eren’s hands met the naked skin of your waist as his palms etched over your soft stomach. They met in the middle of your back, leaning your back onto the mattress as he climbed on top of you, a single hand coming up to work on discarding his button up. You rushed to help, pads of your fingers working the buttons open until he revealed his bare chest, his chains hanging above you. He worked his arms out quickly, tossing the fabric onto the floor. He brought his lips to yours, this kiss much more desperate and needy than the previous ones. His hands explored every inch of your body, the tops of your thighs to the swell of your breasts. He tugged on the soft lace at the top, slowly bringing the black fabric down to expose the complete fullness of your breasts. A sight familiar yet somehow new made Eren groan, the pads of his thumbs brushing against your pretty nipples, instantly hardening them.

You moaned lightly, throwing your head back and arching your back into his touch. How many times had Eren pictured you just like this?

“I fucked my fist so many fucking times thinking about you,” he confessed as he pressed slow open mouthed kisses to your collarbone. “You have no idea what your pictures did to me, no idea what you’re doing to me right now.”

He leaned his bottom half forward, pressing his thick clothed erection into the meat of your thigh. You let out a whimper, head foggy as his words made your pussy clench around nothing.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he licked a stripe up your neck, leaving a wet saliva trail as he wrapped his lips around where he could feel your pulse the strongest. “My pretty girl.”

While Eren wanted to talk about what you did to him, all you could think about was what he was doing to you. The want and need that coursed through your veins was like a drug, you could feel him worming his way into your bloodstream, straight to the center of your heart and out to the warmest parts of your body. And you felt like an addict in that moment too, and every moment you would spend with Eren there after. You could feel his kisses as if he was underneath your skin, his entire body pressed against yours. So, so close, yet not close enough.

“Take off your pants,” you demanded shakily, placing your hands at the button of his slacks. He seemed to be on the same page of you yet again, and he followed his instructions without delay. He kicked out of the tight pants with ease, and you were more than pleased to see he had rid himself of his boxers too when you heard the thick slap of his cock meeting his stomach.

“Oh my god,” you breathed, eyes widened. “Eren, that’s not going to fit.”

“Don’t worry,” he soothed your hair back from your face, pressing a sweet kiss to the tip of your nose. “I’ll make sure you’re nice and wet for me.”

He started to move south, licking and giving attention to your right nipple as he did so. While the idea of him giving you thorough attention was erotic, you really wanted to please him for your first time together, unknown to you as Eren had thought the exact same thing, wanting to make you feel so good you’d come crawling back to him for more.

You pushed yourself up into a seating position, Eren’s eyes flickering in confusion as you stood up. This look didn’t last for long as you switched positions, pushing his torso onto the bed as you rested atop of him, feet placed firmly on the ground. His mouth hung open in disbelief as you began to return his assault on his neck, sucking and kissing and even biting along the columns. He let out a shaky groan, unable to hold it back as your hands traveled down his chest to his abdomen, feeling over the muscles there.

“What’re you doing, princess?” Eren questioned teasingly, not trying to get his hopes up on what your plan seemed to be.

“Wanna’ make you feel good,” your eyes flickered up to meet the dark green of his eyes, watching as his pupils expanded as the realization hit him like a brick.

“Fuck, okay,” Eren subconsciously widened his thighs then, bringing himself up to lean on his elbows as your kisses followed shortly behind the trail of your fingers.

Your mouth met the defined muscle of his stomach, and your eyes drifted up to catch Eren’s reaction as you neared closer to his aching cock. His eyes were hardened on you, brows knitted together, he almost looked angry. You kitten licked above his navel, and knew the anger was superficial as he threw his head back, letting out a quiet groan. You leaned your body in closer, pushing your exposed chest against his length. He whipped his head forward again at the contact, his lips opened as he inhaled shaky breaths.

Part of you had kind of wanted to hear Eren beg for your mouth, but the thought had quickly left your head as he entangled his fingers into the back of your scalp, massaging gently as he did so. Without a moment of hesitation, you lowered your face so you were eye to eye with his thick shaft. Honestly, you really hadn’t expected Eren to be this big. You had caught a glimpse of his half erect member tenting in his pants the night before, but as it stood to full attention, you were very much intimidated by the sheer size. You gulped, putting on a brace face as you continued on.

The sound of Eren’s groans growing louder as you licked a bold stripe from the bottom of his base to the tip of his head had stirred your cunt deeply. You were on your knees now, feet tucked up under you when you felt the wet patch of your panties touch the back of your heels. You licked a few more times, your right hand trailing down from his stomach to grip him more upright. You pulled all the saliva in your mouth onto your tongue, and wrapped your lips around his tip while your hand secured a purposeful grip at his base. You started slow, only sucking in your cheeks and moving your tongue along the underside of his head, pumping him at the same pace. You could feel beads of spit meet your knuckles, circling your tongue around the entirety of his fat mushroom tip. You smoothly licked along his slit, collecting his gushing precum and tasting the salty liquid.

Meanwhile as you had just started your worship of his cock, Eren was watching you in disbelief as your eyelashes fluttered along your cheeks, mouth prepping yourself to take in his full length. He had pulled himself into a sitting position now to provide you the best angle he could. He was in complete awe, furrowing eyebrows and his mouth hanging open, he knew in that moment there was absolutely no point of return. He would follow you from here on out, whether it be online or in reality, wherever you would go. Soulmates, he reminded himself while he collected your hair into his fist and away from your mouth. You were his fucking soulmate.

You pressed your knees upward, eyes opening. Eren’s pupils were blown out, his breathing irregular, and you wanted to watch him completely unfold as you angled your head to drop lower onto his shaft, hand working just a little faster.

“Fuck —“ he stuttered, eyes blazing into yours. “That’s it, take all of me, you’re such a good girl.”

You moaned lightly at his praise once again, and Eren’s cock hit the back of your throat. You pulled your lips up slowly, tongue caressing the underside of his member the entire time, and quickly brought your unoccupied hand into a fist. This was the first time you would be trying out this trick, reading it in a magazine since your gag reflex was very strong and this helped soothe the impulse. Eren was not prepared in the slightest as you removed the hand gripping him, letting his dick fall forward a bit more. You took a deep breathe through your nose, spit coating his entire cock now, and pushed your mouth fast back down his shaft.

Eren let out a strangled gasp when your nose brushed against his pelvis, “Holy fucking — fuck. Shit, yeah, just like that. You look so fucking pretty right now.”

Tears were threatening the spill over your lash line and you bobbed your head furiously, taking in as much as you could before you gagged. You stared up at him the entire time, watching his face screw together as you lapped and sucked his cock. Your jaw was aching already from his size, minding your teeth placement as you quickened your pace. You returned your hand to wrap and pump whatever your mouth wasn’t able to reach as you set yourself into a more comfortable pattern. Your other hand cupped his balls, swirling them softly in your palms.

Eren’s fingers yanked you back, his dick falling out of your lips in a soft pop, as you looked up in confusion, “Gonna’ stop you there baby, gonna’ make me cum.”

His hand in your hair guided you back up to his lips, and Eren could taste himself as his tongue pushed through your swollen mouth to enter yours. You moaned into the kiss, so sloppy and messy, you took no notice of Eren’s hands wiping away the leftover dribble on your chin. He yanked you back, a bit rougher this time, and you panted, rubbing your thighs together at the force. He eyed you up, your beautiful tits still on display, the fabric of your lace bra folded underneath them.

“Get naked for me, princess,” he cooed, untangling his fingers from your scalp. You did as you were told, practically ripping the lace set off your body as you soon stood stark naked in front of Eren. He pushed his legs up, joining you. You felt very small then as he towered above you, playing with the tips of your hair, he guided you around until you were forced to lay yourself flat on your back on the mattress once again.

Eren caressed your shins as he stood tall in front of you, never breaking eye contact. You could still see the glistening of your saliva on his cock, and heat continued to pool in between your thighs in anticipation of his next move.

“Look at you,” he whispered, wrapping his fingers on the tops of your bent knees, legs closed together. “So pretty, it almost hurts to look at you.”

His darkened eyes shot down, drinking you all in before settling on your closed legs. With his hands, he gently forced them to part, and he let out a quiet moan at the sight in front of him. Dripping in arousal, almost sparkling and shining like the gem you were, your pussy spread open for him, begging for his attention. His gaze darted up back to your face, trying not to get too carried away as he admired your beautiful body.

Eren let out a dark chuckle, stroking his hands to the meat of your thighs, “You have no idea the things I have planned for us, princess.”

You whimpered, unable to voice a single word. His right hand moved towards your center, and you gasped sharply as he gently grazed your folds with the lightest of touches. His thumb landed a hair above your clit, and you squirmed, desperate now. He circled so slowly on your pearl, gazing on with an inflated ego. Eren wanted you to beg for him, to tell you all about those ideas he had going on in his head while he fucked his fingers into you.

He decided to go easy on you though, you had plenty of time ahead of you to learn exactly what he wanted when it came to the bedroom, he cooed, “I’m gonna’ show you off, just like you deserve. Gonna’ buy you pretty things, treat you like the fucking princess you are — gonna’ be my pretty girl.”

“Please, Eren,” you whimpered, attempting to push your pelvis into his hand, failing miserably as his other one gripped your thigh in place. “I need you.”

“Tell me exactly what you need, baby,” Eren smirked.

“Everything,” you breathed out. “I want you to keep calling me pretty, wan’ you to fuck me.”

“We’ll get to that part soon,” he paused, lowering his head to your inner thigh, getting to his knees on the floor. “Just need to make you feel good first, pretty girl.”

Eren licked a bold stripe up your pussy as you mewled, feeling a shred of relief as the tip of his tongue circled your clit. You felt a bead of saliva, probably mixed in with your own arousal, travel down the seam of your ass. Eren was starving, and you tasted so delicious, a sweet tart flavor exploding across his taste buds. He flattened his tongue, and looked up to watch your gorgeous face as his lips engulfed your clit.

You threw your head back, eyes rolling into the back of your skull as you attached your hands to your breasts, pulling and tugging on your nipples. He positioned his hands to the back of your thighs then, somehow managing to spread you open even more. The sounds he made in between your folds were wet and sloppy, and he rubbed small circles with the pads of his thumbs into the creases where your legs met your ass.

He never broke away from your face, watching everything unfold before him. Now that you were free from his solidifying grip, your hips were rolling. He watched your ribs expand and fall as you moaned unabashedly, rubbing your cunt into his mouth. Eren had never seen a more beautiful sight, and suddenly, it wasn’t enough to satisfy him. His right hand itched closer to your opening, and you trembled at the prodding of his index fingers. His tongue flopped around sloppily, slurping your bud in between his lips as he entered you slowly, cock pulsing at the feeling of your slick velvety walls greeting his finger.

Here he was, on his knees before you, eyes heavy and swirling because of you. You arched your back as he pumped the single digit in you slowly at first. He felt the tight clench of your walls as his tongue flicked at a certain angle, pleased that he had discovered very quickly how he was going to get you to cum. Eren was impatient, and as much as he wanted to stay between the heat of your thighs for hours if you’d let him, he really needed that orgasm from you. The tip of his pointer finger left you briefly, and you whimpered at the sudden loss, quickly becoming breathless and he slammed it right back in alongside his middle finger. They curled inside of you, brushing right against the soft spongy wall that was your g-spot. You were gushing for him, the sloppy noises of his assaults resounding around the bedroom.

“Fuck, fuck,” you panted, feeling your breasts bounce as he fucked his fingers into you at an alarming pace, tongue following the pattern eagerly. “Oh my god, I’m so close, Eren, I’m gonna’ cum.”

He pulled his mouth back momentarily, voice husky and pleading as he told you, “Cum for me, baby.”

You slammed your hips down onto his knuckles, feeling the underside of his palm and your slick. He had been reduced to curling and angling his fingers inside of you, watching in adoration and awe as you bounced yourself on his fingers, rubbing your pretty pussy against his mouth. Eren had just become a bystander at this point, he was pretty much forced to be stilled as you used his mouth and hands so greedily, feeling an unfamiliar swell in your cunt.

And when your back arched, and your walls clenched so fiercely tight around his drenched fingers, Eren found his forever love. He’d do anything, be anyone, whatever the fuck that was asked of him, to see this sight for the rest of his life. You were vibrating, legs shaking so strongly, Eren had to mentally catch up when he felt a gush of hot liquid soak him. He shifted his gaze down in shock, and holy shit, you were squirting.

You swore you had never orgasmed like this before, it was more than stars you were seeing behind your closed eyelids. It was pure black, absolute nothingness as your brain short circuited. It was like your pussy was taking a deep breath, because when the onset of contractions hit you, you thought you were going to pass out. And poor Eren, who stared dumbly in front of him at how intense your muscles were flexing, was already so deeply in love with you and was confessing his eternal devotion to you in his mind.

When your cunt had settled down, and your hips relented in pushing yourself against Eren’s face and hands, you let out a low moan as he slid his drenched fingers out of you. He stared at his hand, shining with your cum, and flickered his gaze up to you.

“I’m going to fucking marry you,” he growled. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen.”

You let out an exhausted laugh, “Would you believe me if I told you that was the first time I’ve ever squirted?”

“I’m buying you a goddamn ring tomorrow,” he placed a kiss to your inner thigh, moving his body up to hover above you. Eren’s hands wrapped around your thighs once again, propping your knees to your chest. He saw the slight trace of fear in your eyes, and he paused, “You okay?”

“It’s just,” you gazed at the point between your bodies. “Are you gonna’ fit?”

Eren leaned forward, feeling slightly relieved, his face still dripping in your essence, and he placed a sweet, romantic kiss to your lips, pulling away to murmur, “I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

You nodded your head, letting the worry roll off your body as one of his hands caressed your cheek, never breaking eye contact with him. The other hand reached in between your centers, grabbing his throbbing cock and sliding himself along your pussy. He was soon coated in your juices, and both of you were letting out quiet moans. As he sunk his tip into your entrance though, you were gasping loudly.

Eren really had wanted to be gentle, he had no intentions whatsoever of hurting you, but he had realized very quickly that you were going to be the one to set the pace in the relationship. Because as soon as half of his shaft was anchored in your heat, your hips slammed upwards to engulf his entire length. He bit back a yelp at the suddenness, fisting the sheets by your waist in a tight grip. If Eren didn’t feel like a virgin before, he sure as fuck did now.

You didn’t realize just how prepped that orgasm had made you, or how sensitive. What you had believed would’ve been pain was insurmountable and mind blowing pleasure, and you smiled in pride as Eren’s jaw fell open. You felt his hands fall from the underside of your thighs, and you took the opportunity, leveraging your legs, and thrusted upwards. Eren bottomed out inside of you, and you winced slightly at the mild pain of his tip meeting the wall of your cervix, the stretch of your walls accommodating him as you fluttered around him.

“You’re so big, Eren,” you moaned out, moving your hands to grasp his flexing biceps. “‘Feels so good.”

Eren was fighting an internal war — go as slow as physically possible as to not bust in your heavenly pussy in three strokes, or give you the best two minutes of your fucking life. Because it was absolutely all way too much, your gorgeous face, your soaked core, the way you gripped his cock so tightly. You were a vixen, Eren’s personal vices wrapped up in one human body. He couldn’t help but take notice of how perfectly your bodies fit together, your pussy made for him.

“Eren, move, please,” you whined, attempting to squirm your hips. He shot a hand down to your hip, stilling you as he gave you a warning glare.

“I’m trying really hard not to cum inside of you right now,” Eren groaned, finally moving his hips. “You’re so fucking tight, baby. Making it real hard for me right now.”

Little was Eren aware of your pussy still on edge from the mind blowing power of your first orgasm, and you mouth lolled open as he slowly fucked you. If you were to touch your clit, or have any type of pressure there right now, it would be over for you as well. You’d have all the time in the future to have long, drawn out sex with Eren, but the two of you were just way too turned on and aroused by each other to have anything but heavy and fast sex. With a slight hesitation on your end, also not wanting to cum so quickly around his length, you rocked your hips into his fastening pace.

Eren chose the latter of his two options then, feeling the ridges of your pussy pulse and flutter around his cock. He pulled all the way back, tip daring to fall out of your little hole, and he flung himself right back in to the hilt. He repeated this a few times, and you were trying your best to hold back screams. Eren was drooling at the sight of your pretty pink pussy taking him, sloppy and messy from his saliva and your cum. He brought his attention to your bouncing breasts, molding one into his palm, rolling the nipple in the center.

Eren’s thrusts quickened dramatically, and he knew that your warning from the previous night had been true. You were screaming, calling out his name and several swears and ‘oh my god’s. This only encouraged him more, ego pretty much stroking his own cock as he plunged into you at a dangerous pace. He knew he was going to fast approach his orgasm, but Eren wasn’t stupid either. He could feel the clench tightening around him as he fucked right into that pretty spot inside of you, the way your breathing changed after a few seconds of that. Eren would become your number one expert, knowing every tell tale sign of your body, and what you were feeling. From one orgasm, he knew how your breathing changed, and Eren was determined to take you to those heights again.

Keeping the flick of his hips at the slamming pace he was at, he brought his thumb to your swollen clit. At the impact, your eyes screwed closed over the overwhelming pleasure. You felt a twinge of pain, just so sensitive from how strong you came before, but didn’t stop Eren as he rolled your pearl in fast circles, putting delicate pressure on the very top. It took maybe three strokes of his cock and a slight unsteady irregularity in his pattern to get you right where he had wanted you — desperate to cum alongside him.

“I’m so close, Eren,” you moaned out, lower body buzzing in anticipation.

“I want you to cum on my cock,” he demanded, a shocked moan crawling out of his throat at the first clench. “Oh, fuck, good girl.”

You spasmed under him, eyebrows shooting up in a furrow as you arched your back uncontrollably, the wave of your second orgasm slamming into you like a train. You could hear the squelching of Eren fucking your pussy as you contracted around him, or as he tried to. It was pure ecstasy, a feeling of wholeness filling you entirely. Half way through your orgasm, he grabbed the base of his cock, sliding out of you as he pumped himself fast above you. You held your legs open, breathing heavily as Eren watched your muscles contract in astonishment. He had never made a girl cum like this before, so hard and so visually. Your beautiful face, eyes encouraging him to cum, was all he needed. His dick was covered in you, his fingers sticky and soaked. It was all so fucking sloppy, and the thought and sight of it all caught up to him.

You felt the hot ropes of cum hit your belly, moaning at the sight. Eren was fucking his fist, cock thrusting in his grip like he had been doing in your pussy. His head hung forward, eyes drinking in the entirety of you. He shot his load on your lower half, stroking himself down after a couple of minutes, breathing heavily.

He eyed the box of tissues on your nightstand, and grabbed a few, languidly wiping his cum off of your abdomen as the two of you tried to catch your breath, or bring a ration thought back into your minds.

“We just had porn star sex,” you giggled tiredly.

“Oh yes we fucking did,” Eren smirked. “Not to like hype you up or whatever, that was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

Your pride and ego swelled as he finished wiping up his cum, discarding the tissues in the bin on the floor. He hadn’t given you much time to respond, asking where the bathroom was so he could grab a rag to clean you up. You were humbled, affection rising in your chest when he returned to take care of your exhausted body. No one had bothered with aftercare before, and right then and there, you knew Eren was a keeper.

“Thank you,” you yawned out, stretching your legs in front of you. Eren hung around a little awkwardly, not sure of what to do. “You can spend the night, if you want to.”

He raised his eyebrows, a smile crossing his face, “Do you want me to?”

You rolled your eyes, pushing yourself back until your head met your pillows and lifted your comforter, gesturing for Eren to join you. And that he did, pouncing on the offer and sliding into bed with you, not hesitating for a second to wrap his muscular arms around your waist. He kissed you gently, pulling away to place his lips on your shoulder as you began to drift off.

You awoke alone in your bed, the bright rays of the sun hazy as you blinked the sleep away. You could smell and hear the sizzling of breakfast in your kitchen, your bedroom door swung wide open. You threw your legs over the mattress, stealing a quick look at yourself in the mirror. You cringed at the mascara stains under your eyes, taking a tissue and wiping underneath your lashes to look presentable enough for the man looming in your kitchen. You discarded the tissue, and slid on a pair of fresh panties and Eren’s enormous sweatshirt you had yet to return, and padded your bare feet across your floor to join him.

Eren’s back faced you, his form only clad in a pair of boxers as he focused his complete attention to the frying pans in front of him. You smirked, leaning against your counter, placing your chin in your open hands.

“Good morning, Chef Eren,” you teased, catching him off guard as he jumped a bit.

He turned to face you, hair a complete mess as a boyish smile graced his face, “Morning, princess. I hope you don’t mind my mess.”

“It smells amazing, so I guess I can figure out a way to forgive you,” you sighed dramatically. “Only if there’s coffee involved, though.”

“Way ahead of you,” he moved his legs over to your coffee machine, a pair of steaming muga awaiting his hand. He grabbed one, a plain white mug that matched the rest of your kitchen set, and set it on the counter in front of you.

“If you’re trying to earn extra credit, it’s working,” you said, dumbstriken.

“Gotta’ show you I’m boyfriend material,” he wagged his eyebrows, turning back to the frying pan before cutting the heat off. “I couldn’t find your plates, though.”

“Cabinet above the sink,” you directed, pulling out a stool from underneath your kitchen bar. “Forks and stuff are in the drawer by the refrigerator.”

Eren nodded, collecting two plates and the necessary utensils from their designated areas. The sight of eggs and bacon made your mouth water, and you were about to get a key made specifically for Eren to waltz in every morning to cook you this glorious meal every single day. You thanked him as he set your plate in front of you, and you dug in.

“Eren, it’s so good,” you complimented after chewing. “You really know how to treat a girl.”

He simply laughed, and the two of you fell into a pleasant conversation. And then by the time mid day rolled around, the two of you had talked all about where you’d be spending the evening. The night had ended just like the one before in mind blowing sex, the morning after repeating itself, and again, and again.

A month later, you had updated your Instagram bio. ‘Connoisseur of mimosas, rock and roll, and Eren Jaeger’. And when it had come time to update your OnlyFans content, you were more than happy to have your own personal photographer to use at your discretion. Just as long as you continued to wear his necklace, Eren would take as many pictures as you needed him to, knowing you’d end up in each other’s beds at the end of the session anyways. And he’d continue to follow you, this time though, you’d gladly send him his favorite pictures for free.

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orionwhispers · 3 years

Text

Bravado // Tommy Shelby Imagine

(A/N - its been a long ass time and i wanted to ease myself back into writing but this ended up being long and also super super angsty. sorry that this illness imagine came during covid idk whats going on with my imagination lol. love you guys SO much thank you for always being there. reblogs, comments and likes mean everything to me.)

trigger warnings - LOTS of angst. fluff. implied smut. my hc that tommy has a fear of illness, bad descriptions of hospitals.

He knew something wasn’t right the minute his car pulled into the driveway and you weren’t waiting for him under the great concrete arch, with that smile on your face that made his knees buckle and heart race like he was a love struck teenager.

You were always there as soon as he came home. Barefoot in a broderie dress in the summer with tousled hair and baby pink toenails. Wrapped in a hand knit blanket with fire flushed cheeks and woollen socks in the winter - even running across the gravel and into his arms in the middle of a storm, the ice cold rain whipping across both of your faces as you kissed under the light of the moon.

No matter how shit his day or week or month was, no matter what stained his hands or darkened his heart, no matter what lay heavy and hard deep in his gut, seeing you made everything vanish in the night air like wisps of smoke. You made everything worth it.

He refused to give into fear, he wasn’t that kind of man, so he swallowed all of the nagging thoughts and apprehensions as he came up to the dark foggy windows and the iron cast door. It felt strange turning his key in the lock without the weight of you in his arms or the sticky peach kisses you left down his jaw and neck, the smell of the vanilla in your hair and lavender on your skin.

The second thing that sent a jolt of white hot electricity down his spine was Mary, watching him anxiously and wringing her hands in the hallway. Usually, she was calm and collected, taking his jacket and leather travel bag with her signature placid smile and gentle fingers. Usually she would return to the kitchen and finish up whatever she was making - a hearty roast lamb with rosemary and garlic and glazed potatoes or a pheasant pie with honeyed carrots, always followed by a three layer chocolate ganache cake that was so thick and rich you practically had to saw through the sponge. She would always have dinner piping hot and dripping with gravy by the time the two of you returned downstairs, no matter how many hours it took for you to get... reacquainted.

Now she looked sheepish and pale, her skin almost translucent under the syrupy yellow lights. There was something about the way she stood, as still as a wraith, that made his blood run cold.

“Mary. Where is she?”

“Mr Shelby, I - ” Her voice was strained and hesitant, like a slowly fraying rope.

“Where is my wife?”

She moved forward, creases forming around her eyes. “We tried ringing you in Liverpool but the hotel said that you had already left, so we...”

“You rang me? Why? What’s happened?” He couldn’t hold back the desperation in his voice, and it lingered and festered around them both like a poisonous gas.

“Mrs Shelby came down with something a few days ago, we thought that it was just a common cold but unfortunately she seems to be getting worse.”

He tore upstairs before he could even think, his shoes leaving perfect muddy footprints on the cream carpet. He almost slipped at the top, and he lurched forward, his hands reaching out and holding onto the portrait hanging above the stairs for stability.

It was the oil of the two of you. A soft, personal picture that revealed more than he ever possibly could. The love in your gazes, the hint of a soft, drunk smile on the dangerous gangsters face as you leaned into him, melting into him like butter, him holding onto you as though he couldn’t bear to let you go. It was his favourite photo, one that always washed a sense of calmness over him, a reminder of the woman that he loved and the way he felt around you. But now he felt as if was riding out a terrible storm.

He lived his life with no fear, he was capable and practical and used to the sound of bullets and the copper sweet smell of blood. There was really only one thing, one terrible thing that he couldn’t control, and that was what drove him crazy.

Sickness.

It gnawed at his insides like a rabid dog, clawed under his skin and settled behind his ribs. Losing someone he loved was like ripping out a piece of his heart straight from his chest, and he knew better than anyone what it was like to lose somebody to a violent, quick death - the pull of a trigger or the smack of a fist. At least in those moments he could lock them away in his mind, he could leap in front of a bullet or crack the neck of any man who dared to get too close to you, but there was almost nothing he could do to stop sickness, and the devastation it caused.

When you first met him it had been a surprise, almost amusing, that this powerful God of a man had these small little quirks. His house was always sparkling clean and smelling of Lysol, his fruit bowls were filled with citrus fruits and round, plump blueberries. He always made sure you were wrapped up warm in the winter, always placing his coat around your shoulders and bringing an extra pair of gloves in case you forgot yours. It was adorable, the way he took care of you,

It wasn’t till a little bit later when you learnt of those he had lost. His mother and his childhood sweetheart taken away from him much too soon. It broke your heart when he told you late one night of the sallow tint of their skin and the way he could almost see them vanishing from earth, the way that illness had moulded and changed those he loved the most.

You understood.

Your best friends older sister had died of tuberculosis when you were young. The elderly woman across the street from your first flat had passed away from a bout of horrendous smallpox. Your brother lost his first child to pneumonia. Times were changing but the fear of disease was ever present. Medicine was improving and so was knowledge, but still there remained a huge, dark cloud of what could happen, one that always hung around your husbands head.

——————————————-

All Tommy could think was the worst as he ran through the landing. His heart was in his ears and his bones felt loose, like the sweet liquorice the two of you would share at the pictures. He came to a stop by the bedroom door, tentatively pressing his palm onto the wood and ever so slightly pushing it open, listening to the gentle creak it made.

The room was warm. The lace curtains were pulled shut, and your favourite lavender candles were flickering on your vanity, casting syrupy shadows against the wall. He exhaled loudly as he saw you, bundled up under a mountain of satin sheets and hand crocheted blankets, your hair splayed across the pillows.

He moved to your bedside, pretending not to notice the large, untouched jug of water and the tissue box next to you, hoping and silently praying that you weren’t sick - just asleep and waiting for him, ready to wrap your arms around his neck.

You were silent, your lips parting every so often as you breathed, your chest rising and falling. He reached out gently, as though he was picking up shards of glass, and brushed his fingers against your cheek. Your forehead was beading with sweat, your cheeks flushed, and yet your skin was ice cold to the touch. He recoiled quickly, his heart dropping like a weight into his gut, and he inhaled a shaky, deep breath.

He saw something curled up beside your hands, a fluffy white cloud with sparkling emerald green eyes trained on him. Despite everything, he smiled. He thought of your birthday - of strawberry cheesecake and champagne, and surprising you with a ribbon wrapped little kitten as you woke up. He thought of that day often. How you smiled and leapt onto him with tears in your eyes, his whole world blissfully quiet as he spent the day in bed with you and your new best friend.

He would have preferred a big dog, one with sharp teeth and a menacing gaze to ward of visitors whilst he was away. But you were drawn to the tiny, malnourished runt of the litter who was scared of his own shadow. A kitten no bigger than the size of his clenched fist. A little white hairball who only ate and drank from fine pink saucers. A cat that had a very frustrating habit of crawling in the bedroom right as Tommy’s hand was up your skirt and his lips on the sweet spot of your neck, the tiny thing mewling and crying until you picked him up and nuzzled him into your chest.

He was a horse lover through and through, and never saw himself having time for any other pets. But in the summer when you saw the litter from one of John’s barn cats and fell in love with the sweet baby who mewled and cried and crawled right into your lap - he knew that he would give you anything and everything you wanted.

Including a cat who refused to accept that Tommy was the man of the house.

“Hello, boy.” He said, leaning over to scratch Comet under the chin, using a voice he only reserved for the two of you. “Have you been looking after my girl whilst I’ve been gone?”The cat meowed loudly in reply, pressing his head into Tommy’s palm but not moving from his spot beside you.

Tommy suddenly felt you shift under him and his heart lurched into his throat. He turned to face you, cupping the side of your clammy face as your eyelids fluttered open, blinking under the candlelight. A rush of red hot heat built up in his belly as you registered him, that angelic smile growing on your face, your tired eyes glimmering with recognition of the man you loved.

“Tommy?”

“Hi, Princess.”

You smiled sadly. “You’ve been gone for weeks - I missed you.”

He felt his brows crease as he rubbed along your jawline softly, trying to stop you from falling back asleep. He felt panic in his throat as sour as vomit, and he tried to bite back the nagging feeling that something was very wrong.

“No, sweetheart, I’m early. It’s only Thursday. I left on Monday.”

“Oh.” You said softly, your voice as gentle as the breeze rustling through the trees outside. “Well let me welcome you back properly - let me make you a lemon drizzle or a...” You lifted your head from the pillow and shuffled under your blanket, but he pressed his hands against your shoulder and held you down.

“No. You’re staying right here.”

“But - ”

“No.”

“Hmm. Don’t leave me, Tommy.”

“Never.” He said, his tone firm and cast like stone. He stroked your hair softly as your breathing slowed, but it didn’t nothing to quell the hard thump of his heart in his chest.

——————————-

Tommy left the room as quietly as he could after you had fallen asleep in his arms. He hadn’t wanted to move, not when you were pressed against his chest, looking ethereal but vacant, sweat beading under your brow and your face lacking colour. He wanted to stay with you, curled up by his side, his fingers laced through yours, the sound of your heart thumping in his ears.

But he was a man of action, and seeing you there - your lips cracked and dry, shudders passing through your body and goosebumps raised over your skin - he couldn’t fight the fiery urge to do everything in his power to make you feel alright again.

He found Mary waiting outside the door, chewing on the skin of her lips and swaying on the balls of her feet in anticipation. He grabbed her by the arm, harder than he meant to and something he would apologise for later, and pulled her downstairs, determined to let you rest whilst he got some answers. As soon as they reached the drawing room he spun her around, clenching his jaw and pointing a finger at the anxious maid.

“Where the fuck is the doctor? Why isn’t he here?”

“Mr Shelby.” She said, stepping forward calmly. “We phoned Doctor Moore and he came on Tuesday to see her.”

“Tuesday?” He seethed. “My wife has been ill since Tuesday and no one called me?”

Mary raised her hands in defeat, making it clear that the decision wasn’t hers to make. “He said it was nothing of concern . He gave her some antibiotics and told her to rest. She asked us herself not to call you, she knows how you.. worry.”

He ignored her sugar coated attempt to quell his anger, but if anything it made his vision darken. “When it’s my wife, It is always my concern.”

“Mr Shelby, we were just doing what we were told. As soon as we noticed she wasn’t getting better we phoned the surgery again, but Doctor Thomas was out for the day and said he didn’t think it was necessary to come round again, so we -”

“I don’t give a fuck. My wife is the number one priority. Ring every doctor in England if you have to, get somebody out here now to see my wife.”

He stormed away, anger pulsating through his veins, but he stopped suddenly, and threw out over his shoulder:

“And call Doctor Moore’s ’office. Tell him to expect a visit from the blinders soon.”

———————————————————

Once, when you were first dating, you found Tommy at the door to your flat at midnight, with scraped knuckles and blood dripping from his nose. You let him in, cleaned him up and sat with him in the bath until his skin was clear and his breathing was even. He knew that night, as you were pressed against his chest and his lips were pressed to your scalp that he was truly, madly and completely in love with you.

He remembered waking up the next morning, love drunk and blissful, and finding the bed beside him empty. He found you in the kitchen, wincing slightly and pressing a hot water bottle to your belly as you buttered a few pieces of toast. He rushed to your side with eyes as wide as saucers, concern lacing the features that were usually ice cold and hard as stone. You were completely baffled as he held you at arms length, his bright cerulean eyes trailing up and down your body for any signs of injury he might have missed. You were bewildered at the sight of the powerful man practically on his knees as he made sure you were alright, and you bit back a giggle as his warm palms spread over your abdomen.

“What is it? Whats wrong?”

“Tommy. Sweetheart.” You said softly, bringing his gaze level to yours. “It’s just - you know - that time of the month.”

He brushed off your embarrassment and ran his fingers through your hair, pressing a uncharacteristically gentle kiss to your forehead, sending a swarm of butterflies around the pain in your stomach.

“Do you need anything?” He asked, half ready to run down to the corner shop and buy any amount of painkillers or chocolate bars or your favourite lavender tea that you might need; not caring who saw the seemingly terrifying gang leader in the street with an armful of strawberry laces and salt water fudges.

You smiled like the summer sun and he melted, pulling you close as you whispered in the shell of his ear that you only needed him, and that was all you ever needed.

That was the first time you fully saw the extent of Tommy’s fear, but it definitely wasn’t the last. He knew he wanted you forever and always, and it took only six months of neck kisses and pillow talk, red hot jealousy and possessive hands across your skin and dancing in the rain and falling asleep under the pale yellow moon for him to put a ring on your finger. You were both consumed by your love, as though it was the only thing that mattered, it was insatiable and powerful - the wonderful mix of the devil and his sweet little angel.

And with that, came the good and the bad.

Like when you got food poisoning after Arthur cooked you a Sunday lunch to cheer you up whilst Tommy was gone. He came home to you retching over the toilet bowl with Mary holding back your hair, and swore that he would kill his brother with his own hands. Or when you slipped on ice and broke your arm while out with friends in London, and Tommy went ballistic and tried to ban you from ever leaving the house. It was just in his nature, how he always made sure you walked on the side furthest from the road, kept an arm slung around you whenever you were together, kept his eyes alert and vigilant no matter where you were - always looking out for his girl.

But he had never been like this.

———————————————————-

You were falling in and out of sleep. Waking up drowsy and heavy headed, squinting under bright lights, an ache in your skull and a burning in your throat. Every so often you felt a pinch in your upper arm, a squeeze on your palm, a kiss on your forehead - but you always drifted back into unconsciousness.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed when you woke up. The room was dark and you could hear the wind howling and whipping rain across the windows. You felt all too hot and all too cold at the same time, and the bed was damp with sweat. You struggled and tried to sit up, your head swaying and feeling as heavy as one of Tommy’s marble statues; as if you had been carved up and moulded. You could hear voices out in the hall, and unsteadily got to your feet, moving towards the noises.

“Pneumonia?” You heard through the thick wooden door, instantly recognising your husbands voice. “That’s impossible.”

“Sir...”

“Fucking. Impossible.” You knew his teeth were clenched.

The other man cleared his throat.“I know that it’s hard to hear, Mr Shelby, but your wife is very sick.”

“Just...” You felt your heart flutter and clench in your chest as the sound of his broken words, could practically feel his desperation and you wanted nothing more than to hold him. “Just tell me how to make her better.”

The second man spoke again, his voice softening and lowering, something you knew Tommy would hate. “Mr Shelby, the first round of antibiotics didn’t work and that means that it’s time for something stronger. Usually I would suggest the Birmingham hospital but I don’t think it’s equipped for...” He paused, trying to think over his words carefully. He wanted to convey the severity of the situation but also didn’t want to risk getting a bullet in his head from your very protective husband. “...This kind of reaction. I recommend we send her down to London for extra testing.”

“London? That’ll take two fucking hours. How the fuck can you recommend letting my wife travel that far? Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“I’m my opinion this is the wisest choice to make, but unfortunately that could mean your wife might get worse before she gets better.”

“Worse than she already is? That’s not an option.”

The man you assumed was the doctor was insistent, trying his best to portray the severity of the situation but failing as your hardheaded husband had already come to a decision.

“I’ll look after her here. She’s safest with me.”

Once Tommy had spoken that was the final result, and the doctor slinked away into the darkness and shook his head. You remained peering from behind the door, your tongue between your teeth and your heart hammering.

Tommy took one look at you and frowned, scooping you in his arms like a baby despite your protests. He ignored you, acting playfully and cheerful but you could feel his heated skin and the see flare of his nostrils. You wanted to help him but didn’t know how, and let him tuck you under the covers once again. He kissed your crown and stroked your hair and you wanted to speak but no words would leave your mouth.

“You stay there this time. You know I have no problem with tying you to the bed.”

You rolled your eyes as he left, and his clenched fists and tightened shoulders told you all you needed to know.

————————————————-

Comet watched from his spot beside you as Tommy wrestled with the fire. He had noticed you shivering despite your high temperature, and bundled you up in blankets whilst sparking matches beside the fireplace. There were raindrops across his shoulders, evidence that he had been outside and to the log store right at the end of the property - a job that had always been for the Groundskeeper. Your precious cat nudged the tips of your fingers as you sighed and watched your husband throw kindling onto the coal, a deep unease settling over your gut.

“Tommy, my love, I’m fine.” It wasn’t exactly true but you felt he needed to hear it. But you could practically see your words wash over him and evaporate like ocean spray.

He was shaking a metal tin in his palm as he worked, and you groaned and let your head hit the pillow as he pulled out two round chalky tablets. You winced as he placed them beside your glass, your mouth already tasting like the sour talc medicine you had come to loathe. He raised his eyebrows and shot you a look that told you he wasn’t far off plugging your nose with his fingers to force you to swallow, and you childishly stuck up two fingers as you took them.

Your stomach rumbled with nausea and you bit back the bile in your throat as you settled into the pillows. You watched your husband as he pulled off his crisp white shirt, revealing his taut tan stomach and the deep ink tattoos that you loved to trace with your fingertips and your lips. There was something about him standing there, with those damn cerulean eyes and hidden muscles, that boyish hair and slender fingers that you wanted desperately around your throat, that made a million tiny fireworks spark inside of you.

But instead you pushed him away from you despite your body wanting nothing but him wrapped all around you. “Don’t get too close. I might have something contagious. I can’t have you getting sick.”

He ignored you, smiling inwardly at the way you always put others before yourself. It was one of the million reasons he had fallen for you. You were sweating out a high fever and shivering in pain, and yet you always thought of him first. He pressed his lips to your temple and pulled you closer, knowing that skin to skin was a way to bring down a fever - even if it meant he had to restrain himself from tugging off your pretty little white nightgown and whatever frilly things you had on underneath.

“I’m not going anywhere. Fuck it if I catch anything.”

“That’s easy for you to say. I’m the one who will have to dote on you hand and foot, you big baby.” You teased, pressing yourself into him playfully, finally giving in.

He held you like a child, trying to hard to soften despite the way you felt underneath him. Everything on him was running a mile a minute, and he couldn’t help but want to try everything and everything to make you feel better. His hand was pressed against your temple to always try and measure your fever, his other palm across your chest to try and count your heart rate.

He could hear Mary treading across the landing carpet but he ignored his anxious maid, instead letting himself be completely consumed by the only thing that mattered - you.

This was something he had to do by himself. He was the only one who could care for you he reminded himself. And he let the words tumble over and over in his skull until they were all he could hear.

—————————————————————-

You had been asleep for a long time.

Every hour, after pacing the length of the hall and sanitising his hands and wiping the beads of sweat above your brow and above your breasts he woke you up and held a cool glass to your lips. You mumbled and moaned and pushed him away but he kept his fingers across your wrist - harsher than he ever had before - and kept you as close to him as possible.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had cooked. Perhaps it was last valentines when the two of you had camped out under the stars, drinking icy white wine and sharing stolen, day drunk kisses. That night he had roasted a chicken over the fire and it had burnt to a crisp as the two of you rolled around the grass, his head buried in your neck as you giggled at the poultry going up in flames.

He was trying now though, easy, plain substantial meals that wouldn’t upset your stomach. Boiled egg and dippy soldiers. Crackers with smooth cheese. Bubbly water and ginger biscuits. Each time he went upstairs you pushed him away, your whole body shuddering and almost retching, and he felt like smashing the plates against the wall at his defeat.

It had been almost thirty six hours since he had come home and it had been almost as long since you had eaten something, and his heart thundered and shattered in his chest when he found you gasping and wheezing over the toilet bowl when you had taken a bite of toast to calm him. He rarely left you alone, only for a few minutes to put the still full dishes in the sink, to ring Lizzie and tell her that he wouldn’t be coming for reasons that he refused to disclose, to smoke a cigarette under the grey stone archway, his shaking hands and bitten fingernails barely visible through the sleepy rolling fog.

He had grabbed handfuls of papers and the brass ink pen you had got him for your anniversary and broke his own rule - bringing work into your bedroom. It had always been a sacred space. For candlelight and soft laughter, aching hands and heart shaped bruises, a sanctuary for him to breathe and to love and to be loved fully in return. But he was afraid if he didn’t have a distraction, he might just completely lose it, and he had to be there for you.

So he sat squinting in his glasses, the room almost completely dark save for a few candles because of the migraines that had started to spread throughout your skull, and let himself be drawn into the mess of squiggly lines and numbers that suddenly didn’t add up, with you still centre stage in his peripheral.

After about forty minutes of rereading the same sentence a dozen times to try and make some sense of it, he heard your voice, like a small crack spreading across a sheet of ice, coming from the bed.

“Tom?” You sounded so weak, he practically flipped your cream vanity as he got to his feet and darted towards you. “I don’t feel well.”

He lifted you as you reached your arms up at him like a child. He almost gasped at the sweat pouring from your body but didn’t want to scare you, and instead held your shaking, shivering body against his own. How could you be so hot, yet so cold at the same time? Your skin was prickled with goosebumps yet you were burning with a fever, and for the first time in a long time, he had no fucking idea what to do.

He left you propped up against the headboard and he entered the bathroom. He ran over to the claw foot tub you loved, twisting the faucet and trying to find the perfect medium between boiling hot and freezing cold. He didn’t want to overwhelm you, just try and soothe your raging fever, and he ignored the shelves of expensive bath oils and scented soaps that you coveted, instead opting for a handful of something meant to ease tension - praying to whoever was listening that it would help you somehow.

There was a brutal, awful moment as he lifted you from the bed, limp as a rag doll, where he imagined what would happen if your heart were to stop. He couldn’t comprehend what it would be like to miss the weight of you in his arms, the smell of your skin, the feeling of your lips against him, the shovels stopping and fading into nothing. It hit him square in the chest, as merciless as a bullet, and he had to lean against the doorframe to stop the two of you from plummeting to the ground.

He undressed himself first. Tugging his white shirt off, sliding off his slacks and his underwear, keeping you as close to his chest as he could. Then he pulled your nightgown up and over your head. He gathered your hair and secured it up with a claw clip so that it was away from your face, the heat radiating off your neck as fierce as the fire now burnt down to ash in the bedroom.

He lowered the two of you into the bath, sinking down beneath the eucalyptus smelling lukewarm water, letting it wash over you both. Your teeth were chattering and you were barely awake. He gathered handfuls of water, letting it drip over your shoulders and pulse points, grabbing a washcloth and running it over your raised skin, hating how you barely registered his touch. As he scrubbed over your collarbones and up to your face he saw your lips had turned to an awful, silvery blue, as vibrant as a fresh bruise. He hissed and tugged on the plug, now determined to get you wrapped up in a fresh towel and tucked back into bed.

You were soft and placid and he helped you out, lacking the usual fire that he adored. Your eyes were glassy and missing their vibrance, like the vanishing spark of a lighter - and he felt miles and miles of invisible distance between the two of you. You were unsteady on your feet and he used his body to prop you up as he warmed your arms with a fluffy white towel. You suddenly stopped, lifting your hand to your mouth as you started to cough - a horrible, dry, gasping cough.

He noticed it almost immediately. His eyes darting to the splatter of red against the white, a smudge of crimson that was as loud and commanding as a siren, a warning signal that something was definitely not right. A bead of scarlet that would linger long behind his closed eyelids.

He managed to get you back into bed, remaining calm as he stroked your hair and kissed your temple. He tucked you under the duvet and waited for your breathing to even before he ran downstairs, his heart thumping in his ears as he practically ripped the phone off of the wall.

“Pol? Fuck. I think - I think I need help.”

—————————————————————-

The room smelt like bleach and metal. Unfamiliar and clinical. There was something hard on your chest and covering your mouth, it tasted like wet pennies and was as heavy as a hand over your throat, but for the first time in days you could finally breathe. You tried to sit up, but there was a needle in your chest, a gown you didn’t recognise cut straight down the middle to accommodate it. You struggled and lifted the thin bedsheet above your shivering torso, trying to look around the cold room.

“Careful!”

It was Polly, dressed immaculately despite her surroundings. She reached out and placed a manicured hand across yours, and you smiled at the woman who had always been a calming influence when you had joined the circus of a family. There was concern in her eyes, rimmed with black eyeliner and lifted lashes but still swimming deep around her pupils. That made you frown, and you moved as much as you could to face her.

“What happened?”

She ran her tongue over her teeth, choosing her words. “You gave us quite a fright, love.”

“I did?” Your memories of the past few days were much like a fever dream, blurry and distorted snapshots were all you could really remember.

“Your pneumonia got worse. A lot worse.” She paused, looking over to the door and you followed her gaze. “They found fluid in your lungs.”

“So...” You started, gesturing to the needle in your abdomen and the breathing apparatus around your head.

She nodded. “Yes. You were in surgery. It was touch and go for a little bit.”

“Really?” You were bewildered. You couldn’t remember anything, let alone having major surgery. You looked her straight in the eye, asking her the questions that had been on the tip of your tongue since you had woken up. “Where is he? Where’s Tommy?”

“He’s outside.” She clicked her tongue, reaching deep into her purse and pulling out some hand cream, gently rubbing your dry hands like she was your mother. You leant into her touch despite all of your questions.

“What? Why?”

“I think he blames himself. God knows what goes on in that mans head. All I really know is he was bloody terrified.” She paused, looking over in the distance. “I’ve never seen him so scared, not even on his wedding day.” She smiled sadly, trying to lighten the mood, but it soon faded. “He didn’t leave your side the whole time you were asleep.”

Your heart thumped in your chest, a soft aching that you knew all too well. “I want to see him.”

“I know you do. But right now...” She stopped right as a handful of nurses entered, clad in long blue dresses with white aprons, hair tied back and smelling of strong soap and disinfectant. You lost Polly in the bustle as one spoke softly to you before tugging on the needle right beside your ribs, your eyes just catching hers as she left, a promise to see you soon on her lips.

It wasn’t her you saw next, but Tommy.

The nurses had cleaned you up with wet flannels and bowls of warm soapy water. Your hair had been braided and your face washed, and walked you arm in arm over to the bathroom so you could relieve yourself. A skittish doctor followed after, his eyes darting across you and his touch gentle as he changed your dressings and took your blood - obviously under strict instructions from your husband, and despite everything, you smiled.

You were sat listening to the clock tick. A romance novel you had been given was dangling dangerously close to the end of the bed, but you were too tired to focus on it. You heard the door squeal softly, and the sound of familiar footsteps across the tiling, each small thud sending shockwaves across your spine.

“Tommy.”

He looked tired. Exhausted rather, as though he had been awake all the hours that you had been asleep. His eyes were bloodshot and his skin was sallow and bruised. His clean shaven face was dark with stubble and his hair was ruffled and unwashed. You longed to reach out to him and cradle him against you, but he stood in the doorway, lingering like a ghost.

“Tommy?” You repeated, your voice almost a whisper, breaking his already shattered heart once again.

“How are you feeling, my love?”

You smiled softly, like spun sugar and sweet honey. No hospital bed or itchy gown could dull your infectious light. “Better now.”

He approached you almost cautiously. He settled down on the hard chair beside your bed and stroked a line down from your temple to your lips, his touch setting you alight like an electrical storm. There was a sadness in his eyes that reminded you of how he got when things were bad, and you willed him to come back to you. His touch was tentative and he inhaled shakily as you cupped his hand with yours, pressing a tender kiss to the inside of his palm.

“Don’t scare me like that. Ever.” He was stern, as though hoping his words would make it true. “I mean it.” He kept his gaze on your pretty face, trying his best not to stare at the harsh bruising on your delicate flesh or the sickly tone of your skin.

“Tommy I’m going to get sick, even you can’t stop that.” You teased gently.

“I can bloody well try.” His hands cradled your face, pulling you into him and kissing you fiercely, still mindful of the wires and tubes taped to your body. There was something about the tenderness and deep longing in the kiss that when mixed with your total exhaustion and love for your husband prompted tears to start falling from your eyes. You sniffled as he pulled away, concern dripping from his beautiful features, his powerful mind wanting to do everything and anything to stop your hurting.

“Hey, hey.” He said, running his calloused fingertips under your eyes and wiping your tears away. You leant into his touch and he kissed your temple, squeezing you even tighter into him. “You know I hate it when you cry.” He toyed with your hair and winked playfully. “Besides, all you need to focus on is getting better. You’re going to have to take care of me when we get home, this week has given me a fucking stroke.”

You rolled your eyes, kissing the inside of his wrist. “You’re a idiot, Thomas Shelby.” You blinked at the clock looming above you both, wanting to stay in your blissful bubble but also knowing that Aunt Pol would probably be in the vicinity harassing a poor nurse over your results. “You should go and find Polly, let her know that everything’s alright.”

He shook his head and nuzzled his nose across yours, an act so innocent that your heart dipped and swooped in your chest. “Later.” He said, breathless and consumed by you. Everything had been too much. Almost losing you had been harrowing, it had punctured him completely and he just needed to feel his girl safe and warm around him. He needed to know that you weren’t found anywhere.

“I just want to stay here for a while. Just me and you.”

You grinned. “Always.”

#tommy shelby oneshot #tommy shelby imagine #peaky blinders oneshot #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby oneshot

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fonulyn · 3 years

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Congrats on that summer freedom! My sister-in-law is a teacher and she's knee deep in animal crossing lol. I have prompt for you or well, two, and you can choose. I've always enjoyed your fic scattered fragments and I wondered if it happened in reverse with Leon losing his memory add a shyLeon to the mix? Or, there's pictures of Chris playing the guitar but never a fic with him playing and Leon being extremely turned on by it?

thank you! :D it's been a month and i'm slowly beginning to feel human again haha. i hope your sister-in-law has also enjoyed her holiday with animal crossing ;)

thank you so much for your kind words, i am so happy you like Scattered Fragments! but from the prompts, I was more drawn to the guitar playing, because there indeed is a very sad lack of him playing guitar in fic! I hope you don't mind that I didn't exactly write Leon very turned on, more just super duper in love :'D but here!

”Where the hell...” Chris muttered to himself as he rummaged through the boxes in the attic, trying to find the exact photo album Claire insisted she absolutely needed. He wasn’t even certain if it was here to begin with, but Claire had been adamant about it, so he relented and went through a box after box no matter how frustrating it was. After their parents had died what felt like a lifetime ago, most of their belongings had gone into a storage unit, and once Chris had bought a house with Leon the boxes had basically just been hauled there instead, without anyone ever actually sorting through them.

Maybe that was a retirement project for him, Chris thought as he brushed dust off one of the boxes. It immediately made him sneeze, and it didn’t stop before he was wheezing into his sleeve, trying to get a steady breath in. So maybe they should sort some things out here before retirement already. The box was full of old clothes from when Claire was a baby, and almost reverently Chris brushed his fingers over a frilly yellow dress. She’d been so tiny when he’d first gotten to hold her, and he still remembered so vividly how careful he’d tried to be.

Not to get lost in nostalgia, Chris shook his head, pulling himself back to the moment. So, no album there, only clothes. Carefully he closed the box, though, making a mental note to go through it properly later on. Maybe Claire would still have children of her own, who knew, and if not then they could decide together what to do with those.

The next two boxes were a bust, too, and a part of Chris was ready to throw in the towel and tell Claire to come find her album herself if it was so important. But as he moved one of the bigger boxes aside, he saw his old guitar there, leaning back against the wall and tucked away between the boxes. It was the first adult sized guitar he’d ever gotten, one that he’d left behind when he’d moved away from home, and there was a pang of longing that struck straight through him at the thought.

Carefully Chris grabbed the guitar, plucking at the strings. It was horrendously out of tune, some of the strings rusted through, and there was no way he could tune it with the strings in such a bad shape. Something spurred him on, though, and he moved the other boxes aside to get to the one the guitar had been leaning against. Surprisingly easily he found an unopened package of guitar strings, and with a triumphant little hum he sat down on the floor, getting to work.

After restringing the guitar he began the slow process of tuning it, and although it had been years since he’d properly played anything he found that it actually felt like it had just been yesterday. He started slowly humming as he worked, experimentally plucking a few simple tunes with it, and somehow time started to slow down around him.

It felt like only a few minutes had passed when there was a knock on the floorboards, a familiar voice calling him from the hatch he’d left open as he’d been too lazy to pull up the ladder. “Chris? You still up there?”

“I’m here!” Chris called back. With a sigh he looked around. He’d need to go back to searching for the damn album now, he supposed, he’d wasted enough time just messing around with the old guitar. But he didn’t manage to even get up off the floor before Leon had already pulled himself up into the attic as well.

Curious, Leon approached, nodding towards the guitar Chris was holding. “You know, we’ve been together for a decade and I’ve never actually heard you play.” As soon as he’d reached Chris he sat down right next to him, so close their knees were bumping and shoulders almost touching. “Would you?” he asked, turning his head to smile straight at Chris. “Play for me?”

Instead of actually answering anything with words, Chris just gave Leon a grin and started playing. He was out of practice so it was slow, he made mistakes, but some of the songs he’d played so often in the past that they came back almost automatically. As he played, Leon leaned closer, against his shoulder, and it made the strange melancholic nostalgia in Chris’ mind soften into something fond.

After a while, Chris carefully started singing along to the song he was playing. At first his voice was barely audible, hesitant and rough, but he knew there was no reason for him to be embarrassed about anything in front of Leon. So he grew more confident, his voice firmer, until he was serenading his husband in earnest. Right there, sitting on the attic floor, surrounded by dust and boxes, for a moment they were lost in a world of their own.

As the song ended and Chris quieted down, Leon leaned in and captured his lips in a soft kiss, before resting his forehead against Chris’. “Thank you,” he said, voice a little hoarse. “You should bring that downstairs,” he said then, nodding towards the guitar. “It’d be good for you to have a hobby.”

“Does that mean you want more serenades?” Chris asked, but despite trying to sound teasing he couldn’t get rid of the big dumb smile on his face.

Leon grinned, shrugging. “Maybe.”

Chris brought the guitar downstairs. From then on, rarely a day went by without him playing.

(Claire had to come find her photo album herself.)

#chreon #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy #chris redfield #my chreon fics #my fics #have some domestic fluff :3

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fallout-drabbles-n-stuff · 4 years

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Hi again! I’ve been thinking about this one a lot, recently. How would romanced companions react to raiders kidnapping sole? I absolutely love your work! I keep checking your page to see if you’ve posted anything lol

(Enjoy! 💖)

Cait:

The very second she realized what happened, all she saw was red. Her anger was all she would allow herself to focus on as she took it upon herself to track your whereabouts down. She was aware it was a dumb decision to go alone...so she brought good ol’, disgruntled, smelly Paladin douche along with her to retrieve you.

He was a decent human shield and a big enough target.

Whenever she was finally reunited with your battered self, the red head crumbled. All that fury that had fueled her up dissipated in the form of a gut wrenching sob as she held you close.

Curie:

She just knew something was horribly wrong. When she came across a note promising your return for a hefty ransom..her heart dropped. How could she get you back?! There wasn’t anyway to get that amount of caps anytime soon...

So, knowing she definitely wasn’t much of a fighter, she employed the help of some very eager minutemen..unable to rest until they carried you all the way back home. As soon as she got you through the door she was examining you for even the mildest of injuries, hugging you

Danse:

It was such a bad idea. He knew it was too, but that didn’t stop him from loading up on ammo and bounding up to the raider’s hideout. Whatever comfort it was, you knew it was him just from the horrendous “clang” of his stomping. Regardless of how outnumbered he was nor how unlikely his chances or survival were, he found a way to tear through anything and anyone that stood in the way of his path to you.

Hell, he wasn’t proud of it but when he ran out of ammo, he simply crushed one raider’s skull without second thought.

The second he got you back home, he crumbled to his knees, laid his head in your lap, and begged for your forgiveness. Lord knows he wouldn’t forgive himself for letting that happen to you.

Deacon:

A piece of him was willing to bet you were giving the raiders complete hell....but despite his better judgement he couldn’t stop himself from racing to your rescue......by himself.

Somehow he was able to do it though, managing to sneak his way in by assuming the typical raider digs. He even had you fooled, allowing you to believe he was another one of those horrible people, escorting you away to “rough you up”. That is until he slipped you out the back door and cut your binds, tearing off his raider helmet before pressing a quick kiss to your lips...which resulted in you punching him due to you not realizing it was him.

Once he made his identity known, you were more than apologetic.

Gage:

Whosoever though this was a good idea had one hell of a storm coming their way. You don’t mess with his Overboss, you just don’t. Even if he wasn’t romantically involved, you bet your ass he’d fight tooth and nail to retrieve you.

That’s thing though. He loves you.

As soon as he figures out who was responsible and their respective leader, he’d rally the other two gangs and attack guns blazing- fiercely destroying anything that was stupid enough to try to stop him. All he felt was rage and he’d make sure to use all of it to absolutely decimate the people that betrayed you both.

Hancock:

You remember how he stabbed a person he knew quite well just for disrespected him and you? Yeah, picture that but 20x worse. You are his happiness. You are his sunshine. If you think that he’d just let that happen, you’re dead wrong.

Just to mess with the raiders, he’d show up with all the caps they demanded...before shooting the first one to approach in the face. After that, things were a blur, some people and close friends assisted him with the whole cleaning out job as he went to you.

Once it was all over and he had you in his arms, he swore to you that this would never happen again.

Macready;

In awful mix of emotions set deep within Mac’s being once he made the discovery. With an almost listless like way about him, Mac would ask Preston or Curie to watch your children, refusing to give an explanation before leaving in the middle of the night- waiting until his kids were asleep and kissing them goodbye. He hoped it wasn’t the last time, but he had to get you back.

Having packed countless rounds of ammunition, he made quick, silent work of your captors from his perch- only revealing himself once he was sure they were all bleeding out on the ground. Once he finally got to you though..oh nothing would stop the tears from spilling despite the joy he felt from knowing he was actually able to save you.

Maxson:

Whatever group of raiders did it were stupid, even for raider standards. Kidnapping a soldier of the brotherhood? Not a good idea. But..kidnapping the sentinel? Extremely bad idea. To top it off, the Elder’s lover? It was suicide.

It didn’t matter if they demanded ransom and promised no harm would befall you, all Arthur could think of was total annihilation. It took less than a day for a whole heavily armed troop to come to your rescue, mowing through the raider’s like they were nothing.

Just as you started to assume he stayed behind, a soldier equipped in unique power armour came bounding your way- whisking you up effortlessly before taking off it’s helmet to reveal the elder himself and his terrified blue eyes.

Nick:

While he wanted so badly to get you back fast, he knew better than to go in hotheaded like. As so, he’d be the only one to give what the raiders demanded- handing over the caps in exchange for his sweet love.

On the walk back he’d do the closest thing he could to crying, draping his coat around your shoulders and holding your hand.

Old Longfellow:

You initial absence didn’t seem to concern him, knowing you- you were just foraging for aster flowers. However when you didn’t come home by sundown he became worried, deciding to investigate until he made the horrifying discovery that you had been abducted.

Swallowing his pride, he’d rally some willing hands to help get you back. Fighting his way through with his fellow islanders with tears in his eyes at the possibility of losing you too.

After he finally got to you, he hid his tears behind a big smile- concealing any sign of distress by holding your head to his chest. It’ll take some time until he’s able to allow you to go foraging without him again.

Piper:

She’d flip her shit. Like for real, Lose. Her. Shit.

She’d just hope that your companions, and ultimately, her friends would assist her. Of course they would. So, as a big assembled brigade- she’d say her farewells to Nat before going off to retrieve you.

As soon as she found you she wrapped her scarf around your neck, putting a hand to your cheek as she looked into your eyes. She’d mutter something about being so scared that she lost you, to which you’d promptly kiss her to prevent her mind from wandering anymore than you knew it already had.

Once it was all over with, she’d suggest all of you to go celebrate a successful “retrieval” by going out for drinks...just to slip away to show you just how much she missed you.

Preston:

Welp, hope the raiders like having angry minutemen busting down their doors. It’s not just Preston they ticked off after all, it the whole minuteman army. So, it’s fair to say he wasn’t too worried- especially after seeing how quick the newly formed army cleaned them out.

However that isn’t to say he wasn’t also terrified, not only would he had lost his General- he would’ve also lost his love. As such, he found you as soon as possible and cried- unashamed of his tears even as you smiled and kissed them away.

Sturges:

The very moment he realized what happened, he ran straight to Preston. This time, he too would be on the forefront of shooting up some raiders. They’ve taken so much from him already, now this? They’re as good as dead.

Once Preston yelled for him, having retrieved you, Sturges ran as fast as his legs could manage to you- not even missing a beat as he took you into a breathtaking embrace, all while promising to never let you leave his sight again.

This was too much.

After this incident he’d practically beg you to retire the whole adventuring thing and settle down with him.

X6-88:

Heh. Fine. Guess those people enjoy death.

He had full confidence in your capabilities buuut, he took this as a personal slight. Within moments of noticing your disappearance, he hunted you down- locating the people dumb enough to steal you from him before doing what he does best.

He slaughtered them with the efficiency and precision of a grim reaper.

Upon finding you, all that scary courser exterior crumbled. He was just happy to be able to find you...unable to stop himself from pulling you into a tight, rare hug.

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elijahs-wife · 3 years

Note

I have a very random/weird question but it's for scientific research!!! I swear 👀

So, how would you rate the TVD & TO males (whichever ones you want to include) from biggest to smallest dick energy? 👀😂😂😂

this may be the best ask i've ever received oh my god. sorry it took a day or two lol but this is an important question and i wanted to really think about my answer 😂 thank you to @imaginearyparties for your assistance :p i only used the main male cast of both shows for this! ps i tried to put aside any and all bias towards the characters so i feel like some of this is going to be controversial 🥴 but these are just my opinions, we are all allowed to have our own lol

"big dick energy (BDE) is confidence without cockiness. it is never misplaced and it cannot be simulated. it is the sexual equivalent of writing a check for $10k knowing you got it in the bank account" —urban dictionary

ranked from smallest to biggest dick energy:

11. matt donovan

sorry to any matty fans out there lol (also sorry for not including a picture of him bc tumblr has a 10 images per post rule— BOOO TUMBLR) i put matt in last place bc he doesn't really seem very confident to me at all— he's not a bad guy at all though, ik i used to give him a lot of flack before but he's a good dude. doesn't give off BDE to me but that's okay

10. damon salvatore

look if you've been following me for a while you already know this isn't exactly a damon-friendly blog 🤚🏻 the pretty face doesn't make up for all the horrendous things that he's done over the years. and all of those aside yes he has confidence but he's far too cocky for my taste

9. tyler lockwood

i used to really dislike him although i don't mind him now. he was very very dickish in season 1 and i know its bc of the wolfy genes but still... doesn't give off a lot of BDE imo

8. alaric saltzman

he's got considerable dick energy, i think— he's a good man, took care of elena and jeremy after jenna died and the whole vampire hunter stint definitely took some cojones

7. kol mikaelson

i thought tvd kol was a bit insufferable, very small dick energy, but i empathized and loved him on the originals!! he's got confidence and yeah he's kinda cocky sometimes but,,,, in an endearing way?

6. klaus mikaelson

my deranged hybrid boy <3 he might be an evil dude but the dick energy is large and in charge— after all, he got caroline to sleep with him in the middle of the woods. he's sexy and he definitely knows. he also grew up a considerable amount on TO and tried to be as good a father as he could be, which definitely helped in this ranking

5. stefan salvatore

what a cutie omg. that aside, stefan is, though very problematic, a good guy at heart. always tries to do the right thing, sure of where his heart lies. if it wasn't for his ripper side i would probably have ranked him a tad higher

4. enzo st john

ugh i love him 😭 he's got very strong morals even after the world screwed him over time and time again, which is something to be admired. he's loyal and chivalrous and unthinkably sexy so yeah, methinks he's got that BDE ;)

3. vincent griffith

underrated king omg (i couldn't even find any good gifs of him that weren't dark) he's got that quiet confidence about him, y'know? regent of new orleans witches, always helps out the local kids, he's such a good man!! he would make such a good partner i feel

2. elijah mikaelson

yes i know i didn't put him at #1, shocking lol. elijah is a very very sexy specimen and he knows it, and he's the Noble Brother and all that but (due to horrendous writing) he just didnt act right in the later seasons of the show, to put it in ilana's (very eloquent) terms, he was kind of a p*ssy lol. so, sorry eli :/ i still love you tho <3

1. marcel gerard

BIGGEST DICK ENERGY OF THEM ALL and i'm willing to bet that his actual dick is huge too. look me in the eyes and tell me that one night with him wouldn't ruin you for other men. that's what i thought. he'd wreck your shit all night long and then make you pancakes the next morning <3 another underrated king tbh, but he is sexy, intelligent, a great leader—he kept an entire city running and thriving for decades!! and he's a vampire with a moral compass, he likes kids, took davina in and protected her when her own people were going to kill her. what's not to love about this guy honestly 😫

anyway anon, that's my hot take on this. thank you for sending this omg i had the time of my LIFE writing all this 😂 xx

#tay answers #ranking tvdu men on bde #i have a weird suspicion that i'll lose 1 or 2 followers for damon's ranking though #lmfao bye

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fishylife · 3 years

Text

Guess who caved and read all 66 chapters of Painter of the Night? I don’t normally like to read comics that are still ongoing because I don’t like losing momentum while waiting for updates but here I am 🤡🤡

Spoilers.

I typed this while distracted so sorry for any muddled thoughts.

Story

I am glad that I read up to Chapter 66 because a huge misunderstanding was cleared up (the fact that Nakyum legitimately did not run away this time). I would’ve been pulling my hair out if the misunderstanding went on further (I HATE misunderstanding/miscommunication as a plot device).

A lot of people on the subreddit theorized that this was a huge turning point in the story. For the first time, we’re seeing Seungho show legitimate remorse and sadness over Nakyum’s suffering. Hopefully we’re going to see change his behaviour and act more reasonably towards Nakyum, and be more communicative about why he’s doing what he’s doing.

Though I think Nakyum is still a bit confused about his feelings for Seungho, he’s past the point of hating Seungho and wanting to leave. He said that he’d tried to run away before but he had nowhere to run to. He acknowledges that Seungho is a constant in his life, a protector and an indirect caregiver. But he’s still struggling with his feelings for Seungho.

In that way, Seungho and Nakyum are sort of opposite. Seungho recognized his romantic love for Nakyum first, but he couldn’t see how he was hurting him. As for Nakyum, he figured out how he could make Seungho happy early on, but he’s still struggling a bit with regards to how he feels about Seungho, likely because a part of his heart is still with Inhun. Again, he definitely recognizes Seungho as his protector (he’d instinctively called out to Seungho for help when he was kidnapped), but he’s still struggling over whether he’s in love with him.

This week we’re getting a continuation to the spinoff story so we won’t see the story pick up again until next week.

I do think the spinoff story is interesting. Currently, Seungho holds a lot of power over Nakyum, both in terms of political/administrative power, and physical power. But with Seungho as a peasant and Nakyum as a son of a noble family, Nakyum holds the social power over Seungho and it evens up their power dynamics a bit, which I do like. It feels safer for Nakyum lmao.

In terms of the style of story telling, it’s mostly angst, I’ll be honest. And it is rather melodramatic because miscommunication tends to be something the author uses quite a bit as a storytelling technique. Luckily, they’re not dragged out for too long.

Art

The art is pretty nice. It’s all in full colour, which surprised me. The art is extremely detailed. I wonder how the artist can do so much in a week lol. I hope they’re not overworked.

Seungho

Both Seungho and Nakyum have had their share of past trauma, but my thinking is that they’ve manifested in different ways.

It’s implied that Seungho’s father knew about his sexuality from a young age and tried to treat it through medical means and then by locking him up, which effectively stopped his education, despite him having been a bright student. Seungho then lived out his young adult days in debauchery. Early on, he implied that he was just living by his father’s principles, or something along those lines. My guess is that his dad left him behind so he could debauch in isolation without affecting the rest of the family.

So Seungho grew up without many close friends. He was surrounded by servants and yes men (like Jihwa) who would not call him out on his bullshit. So I think that’s how he developed his extremely bossy and abusive behaviour.

Why Nakyum was different for Seungho was that initially, he didn’t have power over Nakyum. He would tell him to do things, but Nakyum would not necessarily heed his commands, not painting, or trying to run away. His heart was still fully loyal to Inhun. So I think that was why Nakyum elicited extra violent behaviour from Seungho. Seungho had never been defied like this.

But I think Seungho was also intrigued by Nakyum. Nakyum was a contradiction because he drew smut but was always super embarrassed when faced with sexual situations irl. Seungho should've felt better when Inhun was sent away and Nakyum became submissive during sex and yet that’s when Seungho felt like something was wrong. Nakyum just kept eliciting unexpected emotions from Seungho. I definitely think Seungho saw him as a plaything at first, but came to care for him after he got to know more about him and his personal life.

Nakyum

Nakyum also came from a tough background. He was an orphan, and was raised along kisaeng ladies. Inhun was the first authority figure whom he’d had a positive impression of, and he latched on to him. He admired Inhun so much that he tried his best to listen to him when he told him not to draw erotic art anymore.

Inhun unfortunately didn’t see their relationship the same way. He showed a kind face to most of his students but he looked down on their lowly statuses. Only when he saw Nakyum as a pawn, did he give him attention. But he never hid his emotions, visibly expressing his anger when Nakyum wasn’t being a good spy, brushing off Nakyum’s confession of love.

Nakyum’s love for Inhun was so extremely pure and all-consuming. I cried when he was so swiftly rejected and condescended upon by Inhun T_T Because I knew how much courage it took for Nakyum to confess, how he wanted nothing but for Inhun to have good things, and Inhun cared not for any of that because it wasn’t want he wanted. Nakyum wasn’t helping him in the way he needed, and he cared far more for ambition than romantic love (not to mention romantic love from a lowly peasant).

After the rejection, Nakyum internalized Inhun’s words when he called him a prostitute. A part of him still loved Inhun and if he said that, Nakyum figured he must’ve been right. The other part of him decided that acting submissively to Seungho was the only way to survive.

Basically, Nakyum’s going through a huge emotional journey because his hero Inhun has kind of abandoned him (though he hasn’t forgotten him completely), but Nakyum hasn’t found a worthy person to give his heart to.

Seungho & Nakyum

I’m still thinking about their relationship and why we ship them despite the shit they’ve done (mostly the shit that Seungho’s done to Nakyum).

For Seungho, I think Nakyum was the first person he met who had a different way of expressing love. He’d never met someone like Nakyum who would stuff he despised just to help out Inhun. Even when Inhun didn’t show an inkling of appreciation. Perhaps Seungho felt that he didn’t know what love was until he met Nakyum.

As for Nakyum, he theorized that he was only desperate for affection and that was why he felt himself drawn to Seungho. I think that is technically true. But more than that, I think Seungho has arguably shown more levels of care to Nakyum than Inhun has. Yeah, Seungho has done horrendous stuff to Nakyum, but he’s also shown more affection to Nakyum. That includes physical affection, but Seungho also bought him warm clothes, called on a doctor to care for his health, etc. Again, all of the care absolutely does NOT cancel out the abusive behaviour on Seungho’s side, but that’s how I think Nakyum found himself feeling more and more comfortable with Seungho. Loving someone is about showing your bad sides as well as your good sides.

I think both Seungho and Nakyum are finding affection/care in forms that they’d never experienced before, and that’s why they are drawn to each other.

Problematic?

I had a feeling that this would be a story that a lot of people would consider problematic. It’s probably because I’m older now, but it doesn’t really bother me. I obviously know that there is toxic behaviour shown by the characters and I would never want that in real life, but it’s really not difficult for me to separate what works in fiction vs. what works in reality.

This was a different time period, when rich and powerful people could just do whatever they wanted. Not excusing problematic behaviour, just explaining the entitled behaviour of some of the elites.

Seungho for sure shows extremely toxic behaviour. I think the point is that he is a problematic man who has trouble expressing emotions the normal way, and it ends up hurting those around him and those he cares about. He’s definitely an imperfect person who’s unpleasant to be around, but I think one thing the author wanted to show is that bad people are still capable of having emotions. By no means do I excuse his toxic behaviour. But I am all for showing that flawed people are still worthy of attention. We are still interested in what Seungho does in spite of his poor behaviour because we recognize that he is still a person.

I also recognize that Nakyum is woobified a lot. He’s constantly put in situations where he is the victim and he doesn’t/can’t fight back. In the latest event with Jihwa ordering Nakyum’s kidnapping/murder, the Nameless one had threatened Nakyum’s life so that he wouldn’t reveal the fact that he’d kidnapped him, and that caused all of Seungho’s meanness in the past few chapters. I recognize that whump is a popular trope, but usually because it ends in comfort. (I specifically can’t enjoy whump if it doesn’t end in comfort) It sets up a situation in which it feels reasonable for the victim to receive comfort. Again, this is stuff that I only enjoy in fiction. I recognize that in real life, people shouldn’t have to get hurt to be worthy of love and care. But I can see why people may say that Nakyum being the victim might be a problem.

Other

I thought Jihwa & the Nameless one were going to be a side pairing from the moment I saw the Nameless one’s jaw lmao. It was angular and I was like, that’s a handsome man’s jaw. I’m glad that Jihwa realized before hurting Nakyum that he couldn’t possibly fix his relationship with Seungho anymore. He recognized that even with Nakyum out of the picture, Seungho wouldn’t want to come to him. Seungho’s mind would always be filled with Nakyum, and if Seungho had found out that he was behind the murder, he’d hate Jihwa even more. Like Nameless one, despite the despicable things that Jihwa had done, I did pity him. He was in love with Seungho for a long time, and thought that giving him everything he wanted (including letting him have sexual relations with others) would endear himself to Seungho. But they were just not meant to be.

But Min implied that Jihwa had crossed the line already this time by kidnapping Nakyum. After the happenings of Chapter 66, Seungho’s going to have a field day with Jihwa and I’m not sure how he’s going to get out of that one. Not sure if Nameless one can do anything to help.

I don’t know how long this manhwa is supposed to be, but there are several story lines other than Seungho x Nakyum that haven’t been addressed yet. Like I said, I think we’re going to see Jihwa x Nameless one expanded upon a bit. There’s some stuff going on with the Yoon family, since Seungho’s brother keeps coming over. I wonder if Seungho’s going to try starting a career (this isn’t based on anything, I’m just wondering). And I also have a feeling that Inhun might return, which will likely force Nakyum to choose between Inhun or Seungho once and for all.

To be completely honest, I don’t want this manhwa to drag out for too long. For selfish reasons because again I don’t like waiting for ongoing comic chapters. I don’t know how long the manhwa is intended to be, but based on my paragraph above, it’d still take a lot of time for all of those loose ends to be wrapped up. But considering the fact that Seungho and Nakyum’s relationship is probably finally going to get better, hopefully we’re over half way through? Just me being hopeful.

Final

I didn’t write a full review for this on my Dreamwidth because, like, this comic isn’t even done yet. But as you can see, I enjoyed reading it. I feel like I’m missing a hundred things that crossed my mind while reading this. And there are a lot of interesting analysis posts on Tumblr and Reddit that are opening my mind to other interpretations too.

I had a BL manga phase when I was a teenager and now I’m like “...is it time to get back into it?” Lol. In any case, it’s interesting reading BL as an adult now because like I said, it’s so much easier to separate the fiction from the reality now. I can read BL purely as fiction while recognizing what tropes are not healthy, and they don’t diminish the story. It’s melodramatic because it’s exactly that: melodrama.

#thinking out loud #manhwa #painter of the night

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #323

“dehumanized upon a shell / we came to bleed it dry / obsessed with divine wealth / divide and multiply”

Have you ever drawn on someone’s face while they were sleeping? No. Would you scuba dive in shark infested waters if you had the chance? No thanks. What is your favorite slow song? There are so many, but one of the slowest and most beloved of mine is "Obstacles" by Syd Matters. It gives me goosebumps without fail. It's one song I know I want at my hypothetical wedding. If there were aliens on earth, would you be afraid? I mean, yeah. I'd want to know their intentions. If your best friend died, would you be able to speak at their funeral? It'd be extremely difficult, but if I had any say in it, I absolutely would. Do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times it causes too much pain, depending on the pictures, of course. Do you tend to have a lot of drama in your life? Definitely not. My life is painfully uneventful. When’s the last time someone was disappointed in you? I don't know. Do you have a house phone? No. Which fast food place do you eat at the most? McDonald's. Have you ever met someone on the Internet in real life? Yep. What’s your favorite color to wear? Black. Do you like being in pictures? No. Do you travel a lot? Essentially never, even though I'd love to. Do you play any sports? No. Do you like pickles? Yesssss. How many times have you been kicked out of a store? Never. Is there things you’ve told someone that you’ve NEVER told anyone else? Probably. When was the last time you had alcohol? My birthday dinner last month. Are you one to often make typos? No, except when I'm texting. I have autocorrect on for a reason. On a hot day, would you rather prefer ice cream or a popsicle? Ice cream. Have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything? Yes, but I just didn't want to drink anymore at one point. I'm far from a lightweight, apparently. Have you played cards recently? No. Is there a band you like with amazing music but a bad vocalist? Mother Mother immediately comes to mind, but not the main singer; he's great. The woman who occasionally joins in is fucking horrendous. Like, it hurts my ears. Is there a certain song you like to headbang to? I don't and never have really headbanged, surprisingly. It's a sure-fire way to make me dizzy. Anything you might be giving up on soon? I hope not... Sometimes I feel like it's time with photography, but I just. Can't. Have you ever captured a moth? I've raised a caterpillar into one before, then of course let it go. Is there a band/artist who has strange lyrics but you love them anyway? Otep, noteably. When was the last time you wore earrings? It's been a long time. How many pairs of heels do you own? I don't think I have any. When was the last time you changed your picture on Facebook? Uhhhh it's been at the very least a month, but I know more. Would you consider yourself to be physically strong? Absolutely not, especially my legs. I struggle to fucking walk because they're so weak. Have you ever painted a piece of furniture? Yes, actually. I helped Jason paint his shelf black. Do you have a really fat cat? No, we never have. We've always been good about keeping our pets at a healthy weight. Do your initials spell a word? No. When was the last time you went to a playground? A year or so ago when I was taking pictures of someone's son, as well as just general family photos. That same family just had another baby the other day. Have you ever made a business card for yourself? No. Do you have a favorite curse word in a different language? No. Are there any recipes you have memorized? No. Do you know your multipication times tables? Lol not most of them, no... It's been way too long. Do you have a favorite font on the computer? Of the basic ones, probably Garamond. Are you good at creating logos? *shrugs* I've only ever really made my photography watermarks, and I only JUST made one I like pretty well. How about catch phrases? I don't make those. Have you ever been severely burned? Not severely, no. Did you ever dream that you had a baby? I've actually had numerous dreams where I was pregnant, but I don't THINK I've had one where the baby was born yet. Do you or anyone you know have a rabbit? No. What was the weirdest thing you ever saw cross the road? Hm, nothing too weird, I think. Last song you got stuck in your head? "ALTÆR" by 3TEETH. Last song you listened to? ^ Favorite movie quote? I don't know. Maybe Rafiki's quote about the past hurting, but you should take that opportunity to learn. Favorite lyric? That is impossible. There are so, so very many that just like slather me in goosebumps. What magazine are you an avid reader to? None. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? I have. How many relationships have you been in that lasted less than a year? Four. Have you ever been significantly more physically fit than you are now? Man, take me the hell back to my WiiFit days. I was pretty damn fit. The last time I did it, it was seriously alarming how much I struggled doing things that were once pretty effortless. When growing up, did you parents keep the house very tidy? "Very" seems a bit too much, but Mom definitely kept it in order. How many watches do you own? None. Should teenagers be allowed to have their cell phones with them in class? Yes. Emergencies happen. Do you have any gay relatives? Yes; my mom has a cousin who's gay. Have you unfollowed, deleted, or blocked anyone on social media recently? Not recently, no. If so, what was the reason? ^ What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made? Oh, y'know, dropping out of college three fucking times. Once I pay my own bills and I truly understand finances, that's going to fucking wreck me. Do you like metal music? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck yeah. If so, what sub-genres of metal do you like the best? Heavy and symphonic. Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? My mom for bringing home lunch recently. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a large difference in maturity levels? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? Maybe like a month when I was technically homeless? How bad was your acne when you were a teenager? It was preeeetty rough. Do you like strawberry shortcake? No. What’s the last you got out of the freezer? A microwavable breakfast bowl. Do you go on the computer or watch TV more? Guess. Explain why you are single: Because I'm a very, very underdeveloped "adult" that has very little clue what she's doing. At my age, I and any potential partner should want someone with direction. What feature do you usually get most complimented on? My hair. Has anyone ever accused you of being gay? Well, I'm bi. I had this weird therapist once in middle school though who asked if I was a lesbian... Idk why she did? What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful? I'm in an advanced ball python husbandry group, and while a lot of people there are utter, degrading elitists, they do have valuable information. Did you name all of your stuffed animals and dolls? I sure did as a kid. What would you have your bridesmaids wear? Probably black dresses, and I think it'd be really cool if I were to marry a woman, the bridesmaids wear checkered Converses colored into a rainbow pattern, or something like that. Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? I think Alaska, if it was a good time to see the Northern Lights. Are you sick right now? No, thankfully. Do you feel loved? Yes. Do you like your butt? Why or why not? God no. I have such a flat ass. Are you ashamed of your faith? I'm assuming by this you mean religion, in which case, I don't have one and am not ashamed of that. Has anyone ever tried to force their beliefs on you? Yes. Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia? Again, I'm bisexual. I have never had a personal act of homophobia inflicted upon me, though. Have you ever been accused of being homophobic? Yes, because I was for most of my life. Fucking repulsive to remember. "Repulsive" is much too gentle a word, but yeah. It is so, so embarrassing to recall myself ever believing it was wrong because my then-religion said no-no. Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I have two pets. I would be so, so lonely without any. :/ I've had pets my entire life. Who was the last person you went on a date with? Sara. How long has it been since that last time you went on a date? Like two or so years. Do you think babies are cute? They can be, but I usually don't find them all that cute, honestly. Especially newborns/very young infants. They're usually hideous. My youngest niece is actually the only newborn that I remember seeing that I thought was absolultely precious. What is your favorite style of pants? Ripped skinny jeans. Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid? No. Who was the last person who broke your heart? Jason. ^Do you still miss this person? I'm sure I always will to some degree. Do you have someone to talk to and share your secrets with? Sara more than anyone, but Mom, too. Is there someone you feel extra shy around? Just men in general. Have you been hurt more by friend break-ups or romantic break-ups? Romantic. Closest living thing to you? My snake's terrarium is against the opposite wall. She's in her hide. Would you rather drown or burn alive? Drown. You go unconscious first, so. And I'd assume it to be faster than burning alive. Also me no like hot. :'''( Who is the last person you got really pissed off with? My stepmother posted some ignorant bullshit on Facebook about how people blow out of proportion our "supposed" environmental crisis. I nearly deleted her right then and there. I take that shit seriously. Most of her beliefs drive me insane, honestly, but she's a wonderful person at heart, so I just bit my tongue. Who was the last member of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with? Girt. What type of sushi do you like to eat? Never tried it, don't want to. Was the last person you kissed physically attractive? Yes. Do you have any flowers in your room? No. Do you know anyone that owns horses? Yes. Well, I took pictures for her family, anyway. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? Jesus, yes. My little sister. Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? Neither are "big" health freaks, especially not Dad when you consider he smokes and knows it'll be what kills him. My mom is diabetic though, so she's reasonably careful. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? We don't have any. Ma tries to keep snacks out of the house for both hers and my sake. If you were going out with your celebrity crush, what would you wear? OH BOY idk. I'd probably spend days planning the "perfect" thing. Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? I do. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Yep, my band teacher. He was incredibly loved by literally everyone. Do you have your mom’s or dad’s eyes? Neither's. They both have brown eyes. What’s the best date movie? We gonna have a problem if you don't watch The Notebook w/ me if I have it on lmao. How long has your current best friend been your best friend? Many years now. (: Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I might swear under my breath, but I don't yell. Would you rather name your daughter Andrea or Eva? Andrea. If you were adopted, would you want to know? Yes. Do you know anyone who has grossly skinny eyebrows? I couldn't care less about someone's eyebrows. Do your pets chase after bugs? Oh yes, Roman certainly does. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? Hmmm... this actually happened recently, but I don't remember why... What is your mom’s favorite movie? I don't know, actually. I think it's some romance one. What TV family reminds you of your own family? None, really. Do you know anyone who always looks perfect? Who? One of my best high school friends Alon was like... just always pristinely beautiful, it seemed like. I haven't seen many pictures of her lately, but I'm sure that hasn't changed. Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? I think so once, yes. Who was the main character in the last book you read? A dragon named Sunny. Who are the last people you saw kiss? On the lips, I'm sure it woulda been my sister and her husband. Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Clouds, I think. Well, it would depend on their design, I guess, and time of day. When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? Probably my mom. Does your best friend get along with their parents? She has a wonderful relationship with them. Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? I was the fat, hideous, crying bridesmaid. ;x; Are you purposely hiding something from someone? No. What’s the most intimate thing you’ve discussed with a stranger? My suicide attempt with doctors. What, if anything, do you substitute for fries? I always get fries. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? No. Are you in an argument with anyone right now? No. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Yes. Who’s the last person who cussed you out in anger? My grandmother. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve meet online? Sara. Have you friended your parents on FB? Mom, yes. Dad doesn't have one. What’s the last tourist area you visited? Chicago. Mice or roaches? Mice are precious, meanwhile I hate roaches. Did you give or get any Valentines this year? No. Well, Mom bought me and my sisters each a delicious candy apple, if that counts? What’s your homepage? Google. Is there anyone whose grave you visit? No.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''altaer" by 3teeth

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doc-pickles · 4 years

Text

it’s nothing funny just to talk (p.2)

What happens when you text that random number graffitied on a bathroom stall in your favorite bar? Jo Wilson is about to find out. - In which Bar Princess and Doctor Evil Spawn meet via text.

Saturday 12:09 PM

you know what might be worse than pyramid schemes?

bridal showers

this is horrendous

Same woman you were drinking in solidarity to?

obviously, I have like four friends

I thought teachers were like outgoing and bubbly?

oh hell no, socializing is not my cup of tea

one of the other bridesmaids just asked who i was texting so I told her jack the ripper

Oh you couldn’t even give me a good one

i’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that

My day off and the weekend finally coincide, which means I’m not leaving my couch all day.

I wish I were you this shower is gonna kill me

teachers on the weekend are a fun sight to see

You’re not partaking this time?

no i’m DD

it’s for the best, I did throw up on my shoes last weekend

How crazy is a bridal shower that you need a DD?

there’s a mimosa bar and they’re already playing never have I ever

the mother of the groom is starting something with the mother of the bride

I gotta deal with this

Saturday 3:11 PM

I deserve bottle of wine for all of the shit I dealt with today

I never wanna be a maid of honor ever again

Maybe we should rename you Maid of Dishonor?

wooooooow

I throw up on my shoes ONE TIME

How’d the battle of the mothers go?

oh it was horrendous

groom is from a rich family and bride grew up on a farm… you know how it goes

Doesn’t sound fun. Glad you made it out.

barely

how’s your day off going

Amazing. I get to watch baseball and sit on the couch with a bag of chips and a beer. I’m living the dream.

I envy you

they’re making us go out again

Do you get to drink during this escapade?

yes thank god

manhattan or moscow mule?

A whiskey drinker? You might be the perfect woman.

don’t try to butter me up, i’ve never even met you in person

We can change that.

Saturday 6:14 PM

Do you think birds have dreams?

I thought I was supposed to get drunk

You were talking too long. And I’m not drunk.

I can’t think of another reason why you’d ask me about bird dreams

You’re a teacher. I was curios.

i’m not a bird specialist

personally I do not think that birds can dream

I’m telling them you said that.

the birds?

Yes. They deserve to know the truth.

have you just been sitting on the couch drinking beer all day?

did you even eat

Yeah I had pizza for lunch

what about dinner?

It’s not dinner time yet.

dude it’s 6

Oh shit really?

Hahaha that explains it

psh and you said I was bad when I was drunk

you’re freaking Snow White

Is this ebcause I asked about the birds

yes it is

I gotta go, Maggie says i’m not netting the quota for fun

Maggie sounds like a buzzkill

she’s the assistant principal, i’m scared she’ll fire me if I don’t listen

jk… kinda

Saturday 12:32 AM

Incoming Voice Call

“Jo! Put the phone down! You should not be calling anyone right now!”

“Hello?”

“Doctor Evil Spawn! I’m so glad you picked up.”

“Are you drunk now?”

“Noooo….. maybe. I just wanted to say hi.”

“Hi princess.”

“Your voice is nice. It’s a good voice, it’s sexy and I like it.”

“You’re kinda crazy, you know that?”

“Josephine Wilson! Give me the phone!”

“Woah who full named you? They sound angry.”

“That’s Maggie, she’s trying to get me to go home. I can’t go home Maggie, I’m talking to a hot doctor! And he has a sexy voice!”

“You’ve never even seen me, you don’t know if I’m hot.”

“I’m judging off your sexy voice and what few characteristics I know about you. I’d be shocked if you weren’t hot.”

“You have too much faith in me.”

“I have to go, Maggie is dragging me out of the bar. Byeeee hot doctor!”

“Goodnight princess, don’t throw up on your shoes this time.”

Sunday 9:58 AM

How’re your shoes looking?

Sunday 11:22 AM

You’re still dead? I mean you did call me half past midnight… but I thought you’d be up by now.

Sunday 1:46 PM

Are you embarrassed because of what you said on the phone? Frankly I found it endearing.

Sunday 3:18 PM

As a doctor, I’m advising you to drink more fluids and get food in your system. Maybe a banana. It’ll make you feel less shitty, trust me.

Sunday 6:17 PM

Hope you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere.

Monday 7:23 AM

oh my god I am so sorry

I dropped my phone in Maggie’s car and I just got it back

wait you were worried about me weren’t you

Well you fell off the face of the earth… so yeah.

awwww well it’s nice to know that someone would notice if I was kidnapped and murdered

Didn’t you say I was the one that would kidnap and murder you?

yes but i’m having a change of heart

Is it because of my sexy voice?

I was kinda hoping I didn’t say that out loud

whoops

I told you I found it endearing.

flattery will get you everywhere

gotta go, class is lining up and they’re already screaming

I’ll pray for you.

Monday 8:08 PM

dude the thai place on 7th across from old navy?

amazing

i’m in heaven

Oh so we’ve reached the stage of giving each other food recommendations?

obviously

this is a serious relationship

Chinese place across from Joe’s Bar has the best egg rolls. Perfect drunchies.

i’ve never been to joe’s

I live right around the corner from there

So we’re neighbors then? I’m off of Fullerton.

I guess we are

that’s exciting, i bet i’ve seen you at the grocery store

Bold of you to assume I make it to the grocery store.

honestly same

I usually guilt steph or izzie into it

You’re the chaotic good of the group aren’t you?

obviously

I keep things balanced

what’re you doing?

On a break, almost done for the night. I have to round on post ops and then I’m done.

nice!!! did you get anything fun today?

Not really just surgeries I could do in my sleep.

typical monday’s

I have to go, we have a field trip tomorrow and i’m not emotionally prepared

Oof. Have fun, don’t die.

who the hell ends texts like that?

A doctor. Obviously. Night princess.

goodnight Snow White

Tuesday 12:18 PM

whoever decided to bring 42 fourth graders to the science discovery museum should be fired

Isn’t that you?

maybe

maybe not

It was totally you. How about a deal?

deal with an internet stranger?

fine but if I die i’m gonna be pissed

How about I drop off a bottle of wine on your porch on my way to work? I work the night shift again.

hmmmm I don’t think i’m supposed to give my address to strangers

but i’m pretty sure if you were going to kill me you would’ve done it by now

See you’re getting the hang of it.

okay i’ll give you my address

but if there’s a bomb we’re going to have words

If there’s a bomb you’ll be dead.

Tuesday 4:54 PM

red wine AND egg rolls?

if I didn’t know better i’d think you’re trying to woo me

I think I need to meet you before we can say that.

thank you!!!

my roomies are teasing me about taking wine from a stranger

You’re welcome. And I’m not a stranger. I know your name and where you live.

aaaaand way to make things creepy

BTW your blonde roommate was checking out my ass.

hahahahaha that’s izzie for you

she has a boyfriend don’t worry

I wasn’t too concerned about her, just thought you might want to beat her up or something.

intentionally trying to start a cat fight? classy

she says you’re “super dreamy” so that’s a plus

Glad to know I passed the checkpoint. Does this mean I get to meet you now?

maybe maybe not

we have learned one good thing though

And what’s that?

even if you are a serial killer, you have a good taste in wine and your attractive

i’ll die happy

Tuesday 7:32 AM

If I never work another overnight again it’ll be too soon.

yeah you’ve been working a lot of those

wtf is up with that

I lost a bet with Arizona.

oof that doesn’t sound fun

at least I have nice stable working hours

summers off

i’m living the dream

Why do you do that?

do what?

Send forty texts. There’s a button to put in a period and start a new sentence. In the same text.

you really do text like a 60 year old

I’m sophisticated, obviously.

I know we’ve never met but I need a favor

Oof. After I dropped off wine for you?

the favor includes free food and alcohol

I’m listening…

that wedding i’m in is next weekend

and I don’t have a date :-)

I wish I could, I’m going out of town.

booooo

it’s okay, after i’m done being a brides bitch my weekend will open up

i’ll also be done with school for year

So I can take you out on a proper date? Instead of texting you all day?

you do realize that you’re texting a girl who found your number at 11 pm while shit faced in a bar right

That’s always how I pictured meeting the woman of my dreams.

oh shut up

I suppose i’ll go on a date with you, man I know nothing about

I’m Alex, I’m 27 and I don’t think pineapple belongs on pizza

deal breaker sorry

pineapple + pizza = deliciousness

Well at least you know more about me.

that I do

jo, 25, who’s favorite color is purple and eats cinnamon toast for breakfast everyday, has to go educate the tiny humans

talk to you later old man

Oh come on you’re two years younger!

Tuesday 1:26 PM

have you ever had to hot glue rhinestones to candle votives

because I am

and I hate it

WTF is a votive?

those tiny little glass things you put a candle into

Oh. Why are you bedazzling them?

wedding prep

today is a half day so bridezilla has us crafting for her

Are all of you brides bitches teachers?

yes

it’s hell

you try to talk about your class and all you hear about is peonies and roses and baby’s breath

I’m glad I’m a dude then.

ha! you better be

oh my god, she’s gone psycho

if I don’t text she took my phone

Don’t die, I’m looking forward to our date.

Tuesday 7:17 PM

RIP Jo, Avid Cinnamon Toast Eater

Killed by Her Insane Bride Friend

I made it out!!!!

barely

Nice, I’ve heard a rabid bridezilla is hard to escape.

it was the worst

but she let me go when I told her I had to finish putting in grades for the year

(I finished last night)

I for one am proud of you. That’s badass.

lol i’ll keep that in mind

thursday is our last day before freedom

I think I might get shit faced as soon as I leave work

I support it wholeheartedly.

good because you’ll probably get more bar princess texts

Or if I’m lucky a phone call where you call me sexy again.

hey hey I didn’t call you sexy

I called your voice sexy

there’s a difference

Oh sorry, I don’t know how I overlooked that.

mhm sure

tomorrow is crazy hair day

Does this mean I get to see a picture of you? Because I’m definitely interested in seeing what you do with this spirit day thing.

i’ll save it for when we meet

I’m determined not to see you until our date

Suit yourself. Gotta go remove stitches.

oooohh how exhilarating!!

Wednesday 9:42 AM

How goes the crazy hair?

oh just dandy

half my hair is pink

You seem like the type to be able to pull of pink hair. Plus it’s pretty rad.

you’re too kind

I bribed the kids with cookies and a movie

i’m totally winning today

I just took out an appendix, I think I win.

just saying I don’t think that our jobs are comparable

but taking out an appendix sounds cool

Not as cool as cookies though.

I have a bunch left over

should I drop them on your doorstep?

Only if you want to. I wouldn’t say no to a good cookie. I’m here till 5.

i’ll stop by after work!!

we have another half day

Sweet. I’m glad you’re the one that found my number.

Wednesday 12:56 PM

Dude. George says you look like an adorable preschooler.

I FORGOT I HAD MY HAIR LIKE THIS

he was very understanding

Rave reviews on your “kindness and beautiful eyes”

oh my god

I have to die now

He might’ve mentioned your ass too. I’m painting a beautiful mental picture.

oh lord

brb gotta wash out this stupid hair dye

maybe bang my head against the shower wall

Oooh tell me more. I love a dirty shower fantasy.

oh booo

you’re not even trying anymore

Wednesday 5:55 PM

remember the titans is on tv

and it’s really good

in case you didn’t know

That movie is 20 years old, of course I know it’s good.

well clearly I didn’t

i didn’t have cable growing up

Oh neither did I, I just stole it from the neighbors.

that’s pretty bad ass for a kid

Had to keep my siblings entertained. You know how it is.

nope i’m an only child

That sounds like a dream. I have two younger siblings and they’re both a pain in the ass.

if you knew the half of it you’d be begging to trade places with me

I’m looking forward to hearing all of it.

Thursday 11:53 AM

FREEDOM!!!!!!

I AM FREE!!!!

HALLELUJAH!!!!!

I’m assuming school is out?

Y E S

$20 says I can sneak out of here without bridezilla roping me into a stupid arts and crafts project

I hope so, I’m enjoying talking to you today.

aren’t you at work??

Nope. Today is my day off.

and you’re not watching baseball and drinking beer?

It’s not even noon yet.

time is an illusion

it’s shots o clock somewhere or whatever they say

I’m now learning that the only cultural education you have is the Backstreet Boys. I think our second date will have to be a movie marathon.

already planning our second date?

ambitious

I like it

My conversation is fairly limited if I can’t drop a pop culture reference or two during the day.

I can see your points and i’m willing to sit myself down and watch the classics

okay gotta sneak past bridezilla… wish me luck

Good luck

Thursday 4:35 PM

Pork shoulder, corn, and potatoes all on the grill.

i’m jealous

I can’t cook to save my life

thank god we’re going out tonight

To celebrate finally breaking free for the summer?

exactly!! steph and izzie decided we needed to go to a club after dinner

i’ve never been to one before

Overpriced drinks and random guys grinding up on you all night. Not the best experience.

oh so random guys grind on you when you go out?

Shut up.

hahahaha

I’ve never even been to a club before. Not my scene. I just live with women so I know these things.

well i’ll update you on the happenings

let you know if I have to pay $20 for a drink

who’s grinding on my ass

you know normal everyday things

Woah woah woah.

what??

are you jealous??

I’m just saying if you’re gonna be shaking your ass, you might as well get random guys to buy you overpriced drinks.

you’re making some very good points

Of course I am. By the way, George wants me to tell you that you have a very shakeable ass so you should be taking in free drinks.

great I have to go die again

brb gonna drOWN MYSELF IN THE SHOWER

Thursday 10:38 PM

good news

i’ve secured three free drinks and a round of shots for all six of us

this ass is making money baby

I’ve created a monster. Who else is there?

steph, izzie, april, maggie, and levi

You brought the whole staff out didn’t you?

yes and I’m quite skilled at getting them drunk

You’re three drinks in and still texting correctly?

I think I danced it all off

need more fireball

And that’s another thing. Who willingly shoots Fireball?

me bitch

Ohh I love it when you call me names.

mmm i’m sure you do

okay i’m gonna go get more drinks

wish me luck

Good luck, I’m sure your ass will take in more than enough.

Thursday 11:57 PM

Incoming Voice Call

“Helloo?”

“Hi, it’s me.”

“I can afford caller ID, I knew it was you.”

“Were you sleeping?”

“No, I was about to head upstairs but I’m not tired.”

“Oh good. I just got home.”

“You sound tired. Did you have fun?”

“It was nice, Steph went home with some guy she met and Izzie went to her boyfriends so I’m home alone.”

“So you decided to call me?”

“I missed your voice, I told you that you have a nice voice.”

“You said that I have a sexy voice.”

“Oh shut up. I wanted to call before I went to sleep.”

“You’ve grown fond of me haven't you?”

“If you’re gonna say it like a weirdo then yes… I have grown fond of you, Snow White.”

“I guess I can say the same about you Bar Princess. Are you yawning over there?”

“Just a little bit, but I like talking to you.”

“It’s midnight, I wouldn’t blame you for falling asleep.”

“I don’t wanna fall asleep, I wanna keep talking to you.”

“How about I tell you the story of the time I was bridesman and I had to go to a bachelorette party?”

“Okay I’m listening…”

Friday 10:15 AM

I feel like a teenager

who the hell falls asleep on the phone

i’m in a bad rom com aren't I

Your snoring is really cute.

oh christ

well at least I didn’t take body shots off a male stripper

I was really hoping you’d be asleep before I got to that part.

oh nooo I remember that very clearly

i’ll be filing that away for blackmail

Rude. I guess I’ll save your snoring in that file too.

touché, I like the way you play the game

I’m an experienced player. Gotta go scrub in on a fundoplication.

have fun!!!

Friday 2:41 PM

I got bored and googled a fundoplication

that’s some crazy stuff, you’re kind of a badass

Easy peasy, all in a day's work.

nooo that’s amazing stuff!!

i’m in my classroom scraping gum and glitter off of the desks

Well you’re the reason people become doctors so I'd say you’re pretty important too.

awww you’re still trying to impress me

it’s a good look on you

I’m trying to be a gentleman. Maybe I’ll bring up your puke shoes just to be an asshole.

you know what even the mention of that can’t bring down my good mood

do you think I could get in trouble for drinking wine in my classroom?

Well there’s no kids around so… no. But I like the rebellious attitude you have towards the situation.

if i’m gonna sit in a classroom with no AC and scrape boogers off desks all day then I deserve some damn wine

You’re right and you should say it.

I DESERVE MY WINE I EARNED IT

oh shit maggie is outside i’m so fired

Hey you got her free shots last night, she should be thankful.

you know what you’re right

oh shit it’s bridezilla

Run.

whew

forgot we have our final dress fitting tomorrow

i’m not dead yet

Oh good. I kinda don’t want the first time I see you to be your funeral.

hahaha very funny

gotta go, we have to do this stupid year end meeting

I hate it here

Have fun, and remember don’t stab yourself with a pen!

Saturday 8:13 AM

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING

I wanna die

bridezilla is making us jog

and she took away my donuts

Saturday 9:53 AM

Jesus Christ. You need new friends.

honestly she’s not that bad when she’s not stressing over this wedding

she’s crying because she has a pimple

Oof that’s a tough run. Unfortunately, I have to spend the day out on a boat.

boohoo I don’t not feel bad for you

unless like… you have some childhood trauma from a boat

Nope. I get to relax and drink beer all day long.

yeah well then screw you

I have to try my stupid dress on and go to a stupid lunch and I CAN’T EVEN HAVE DONUTS

Aren’t you at home?

yes, steph invited everyone here since we have the space

why?

Check your porch.

YOU BROUGHT ME DONUTS?!

you’re my favorite

thank you thank you thank you

You’re welcome, I’m happy to be of service.

ohhhh I might just kiss you when we finally meet

I wouldn’t say no to that.

okay I gotta go hide in the closet and eat my donuts

thank you for thinking of me!!

It’s all I ever do.

Saturday 2:16 PM

How goes the dress trying on?

it was good!! mine fits and we have a beautiful bride on our hands

Good. I’m glad your day is getting better. I think I’m getting a sunburn.

you better not

that shit is dangerous

go find sunscreen

Now you’re concerned about me huh?

always

did you put the sunscreen on

Yes because I knew you’d spontaneously implode if I didn’t.

good

I didn’t want to you to burst into flames sitting in the sun

As a doctor, I can tell you that most likely would not be what happened.

now we have to sit through a boring ass lunch

it’s what the mother of the groom insists on

Is she paying for it though? …. yes

Well then stop complaining.

okay okay fine

hey quick question

which fork do i stab myself with

Go order a steak and drink an expensive glass of wine.

Saturday 10:39 PM

Incoming Voice Call

“Well well well, how the tables have turned.” “Bar Priiiiiincessss.” “Oh my god. This is so going in the blackmail file.”

“No don’t do that. If Jo finds out I was singing to another girl she’ll be mad.” “And why don’t you want Jo to be mad at you?” “Because I want to kiss her. And hug her. And see her face.”

“Well do I have a surprise for you.” “Oh I love surprises!”

“Jo and Bar Princess are the same person. I’m Jo.” “Holy crap! NO way!”

“Yes way, isn’t that crazy?”

“Can you tell Jo that she’s the nicest person I’ve ever met.” “I will relay the message. Jo is going to bed now though. Goodnight Alex.” “Good night Bar Princess, I miss you!”

#jolex #jolex fanfic #jolex fan fiction #jo karev #jo wilson #jo wilson karev #alex karev #alternate universe #jolex fic #jo x alex #greys anatomy #greys fanfic #INFJTT

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kinetic-elaboration · 4 years

Text

September 25: 1x16 The Galileo Seven

I took a half day off today and had a three hour nap in the afternoon. Now I’m feeling, I think, better?? Perhaps?

Anyway, today’s ep is The Galileo Seven, aka capitalizing on Spock’s popularity time.

Hmm, a vague and undefined phenomenon perfect for scientific study--Spock will love this. (Aka Kirk’s real reason for investigating the quasar. Just a little gift for the bf.)

Yeah Shuttlecraft Galileo! I love the shuttlecrafts; I think they’re adorable.

New Paris Colony.

The Commissioner isn’t wrong, though, like this probably isn’t the time to go on a random exploratory mission. Ah, yes, this weird space anomaly full of unknown dangers--let’s launch our most important officers right into the center of it while we have time sensitive supplies onboard. I mean come on, there’s a plague going on!

Love the shaky movements of the shuttle as it flies through space.

Hmm they’re exploring an unknown weird space thing and something goes wrong? Who could have predicted that? Other than Boma, who’s like ‘this is actually really normal though?’

Kirk’s sigh right before the credits lol.

Uhura taking over for Spock.

Those doors looked awfully, um... not metal when they opened. But I still like the design.

This is a good episode for understanding what ‘logic’ means to Spock. Like people, including people in this ep, talk about it as if it were just being emotionless and not caring about others but it’s a whole philosophy/value system and he adheres to it pretty well.

Shuttlecraft Columbus.

Kirk has such a big headache right now. He hates having someone step on his command toes.

I love this Bones and Spock conversation. “This is your chance for command.” “I am a logical man.”

Those pants really are terrible. Everyone always on about the skirts but no one ever talks shit about those horrendous pants.

Spock gets to show off his legs standing in a V like that though lol.

Philosophy 101: The Trolley Problem.

“My choice [of who to leave behind] will be a logical one.” Stop bullshitting, Spock lol. “Idk man... logic?”

Well his decision just got easier by about 1/3.

It’s Pauna! Oh wait wrong show. Thank God.

Spock is talking about how this spear looks like something Native American but lbr it looks like a Vulcan spear and he should know. He’s the bitch with the ancient weaponry hanging on the walls of his quarters.

Spock could move the body way more efficiently, I mean he’s 3x stronger than these other fools. Look at the way he throws the spear as if it were made of cardboard. Which it is definitely, definitely not lol.

That quadrant name would make a good wifi password.

The commissioner truly has NO purpose here other than to be a human clock.

I understand Spock not wanting to waste time with the ceremonial duties of command or with burying a person while he could be working to save the people who are still alive...but I don’t believe for one moment he doesn’t know elaborate funeral services. The Vulcans love their rituals.

“We have no fuel! What alternatives?” Yeah lol that is pretty bad.

“Sensitive Vulcan ears.”

He literally just said they’re not tribal, Boma, are you not listening at all?

“I’m frequently appalled by the low regard you Earthmen have for life.”

Like Kirk always says, this isn’t a democracy.

Honestly this insubordination kinda seems like xenophobia to me in that I feel like everyone thinks it’s okay to be disrespectful to Spock because he’s an alien, because their human morality and philosophy is inherently right and Spock not following it is deserving of ire, even though he’s in command.

They’re on Spock’s back when he doesn’t seem to respect life enough and when he respects life too much like he cannot win.

Our duties to other life forms.

At least the reboots got Spock’s sass right.

I feel like Spock’s logical and emotionless responses are helpful though because I would be a straight up anxious mess. It just seems so clear to me, all the places where being unemotional is allowing him to act and keep control where a scared and confused person ruled by emotions would not be. I mean they’re all Officers and it’s not like McCoy and Boma are wandering around weeping or anything but still. Not all of Spock’s decisions are right but I’d be soothed by his attitude.

“Luck may be the only tool we have that works” reminds me of “Captain, you almost make me believe in luck.”

Kirk also makes a lot of command decisions here and it’s interesting to compare his style with Spock’s.

Loving the creature design and this is not a sarcastic comment.

“Certain scientific curiosity” about whether the crewman is dead. Sure okay.

See, I was right, he can lift and carry a grown man by himself.

That spear very much hit him lol.

Spock is upset. He lost a crewman. And logic isn’t working like it’s supposed to. I love that “They should have respected us” bit. He is a little arrogant, and for someone who’s spent most of his adult life around aliens, rather set in his idea that rational responses are the only responses.

He’s really having some revelations here. I bet he can’t wait to discuss all this with Jim.

I’ve seen that shot of Scotty just shoving a wrench in the wall and making sparks fly used in memes. Out of context it is quite hilarious.

Ugh, this is such a tightly constructed narrative. Love it.

Yeah, Boma, back off. This is just crossing a line.

“You will have your burial, provided the creatures permit it.”

Poor creatures honestly. These weird aliens keep showing up and bothering them.

This Captain’s chair is pretty wide too but Kirk manages to sit in it and look cool @ cpine.

Noooo you can’t leave them behind!

Uhura posing behind the Captain’s chair and looking at the screen like google earth always taking pictures.

Lol, space normal speed. (You’d think the Commissioner would show up at this point to be like bUt ThE pLaGuE but actually we never see him again.)

Those creatures aren’t even AIMING the spears they’re literally just throwing them parallel.

“Get us off, Scott.”

“Yes.... my first command.” Oh, Spock. I love him.

Love that Scotty’s really, genuinely proud of him. Scotty’s so Unproblematic. He really is just here to do his job and he’s never mean or causing trouble of any sort.

Jim will see the flares because he loves you!!

This poor actress playing the Yeoman has nothing to do. “Oh, it’s hot!”

Really living for Kirk’s face journey as he thinks all hope is lost and then realizes they’re (mostly) okay.

I want to hear what Kirk and McCoy are saying at the beginning of the last scene. I bet they’re talking about Spock.

Everyone gently making fun of Spock but in a ‘we love you buddy way.’ And Kirk using this, their one scene together all ep, to lay on the flirting extra thick. “Mr. Spock, you’re a stubborn man” is really pushing the flirtation meter off the charts.

They’re mocking him for making an impulsive decision but he was totally right AND he was totally logical imo? Like “you reasoned that it was time for an emotional outburst” is certainly one way to put it but another way is “the only possible chance we have of being detected AT ALL is to make a big scene and if it doesn’t work we’ll just die faster than we would have anyway” which is logical, and in fact, I think someone too caught up in their emotions might hesitate to do it. I mean, I’d probably hesitate--I think the emotional response to the situation is to want to stay alive as long as possible, even if you know--logically--that the difference between living another 6 minutes and another 26 minutes is nothing. You’d be better off giving away the chance for 20 extra minutes in exchange for a better chance of not dying at all. That’s logic bitches!

Kirk sees some hope for himself here. “Oh, Spock can follow his heart??? Perhaps... to me??”

I am not a fan of these fake laughter endings. They are so overdone lol. Uhura is literally pointing and laughing in the background. It’s not THAT funny guys.

That said if Beyond had ended with some fake laughter it probably would have improved the film substantially.

And that’s it! An excellently plotted episode, really well done on the level of craft. I really get off on that kind of thing. I know a lot of shows that can write entertaining episodes/seasons/multi-season plots but don’t have any, well, real logic to them and that’s not necessarily the worst but then when you see something that’s really just well made, it... well for me it triggers a very certain satisfaction.

Also this is easily a top 3 Spock episode. Great character stuff.

Next up is the Squire of Gothos, which I think is one of the weaker S1 episodes. Not bad, just not Classic level like almost every other ep.

#star trek tos #the year 2020 #2020: fandom thoughts #2020: star trek

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itsclydebitches · 4 years

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RWBY Recap: “Cordially Invited”

Only a week late, folks! Can’t say I’m surprised, what with the holidays underway and my normal schedule all topsy-turvy. Still, at least now there’s a little something to fill the RWBY-less hole this Saturday. Always a silver lining.

We begin the episode with our group discussing their upcoming dinner---Oscar included! We’re off to a great start. We learn that Jacques supposedly just wants to “break bread and hash things out,” but anyone with two brain cells to function together know that’s a load of BS. What frustrates me is Ruby’s attempts to spin this as a good thing because they supposedly want Ironwood to start “opening up” to “these people.” Yeah... there’s so much wrong with that. Normally Ruby’s optimism is one of the personality traits I love most about her, but lately that optimism has been twisted into naivety at best, that pro-protagonist perspective at worst. We saw this in Volume Six where the optimistic “We’ll find some way into Atlas!” became an attack on Argus. Now, Ruby’s “Maybe this won’t be so bad!” is functionally an attack on Ironwood. The responsibility lies with him to achieve that good outcome: he needs to open up to the horrendously corrupt abuser that Weiss at least suspects might be involved with Salem. Note that Ruby doesn’t extend those same expectations to herself and her team. She doesn’t claim that they all should “open up” to Jacques in the name of crafting better relations. No, she immediately jumps to having Weiss spy on him in order to get ahead in the game. For the record, I don’t give a damn if the group commits “bad” actions against Jacques (more on that below) because again, Jacques is an evil, corrupt abuser. Rather, it’s just that continuing issue of hypocrisy. Ruby expects Ironwood to “open up” to him and make peace over dinner, but only expects herself and her friends to give him what’s for. Insert [Ozpin and Ironwood must never keep secrets or tell lies, but we’re allowed to] here. Same song, different tune.

Oscar at least points out how idiotic that perspective is from a practical perspective. He doesn’t call Ruby out on the expectation that Ironwood make nice with the man they want to keep Weiss five billion feet away from, but he does acknowledge that such expectations can’t be fulfilled at this time in this place. Jacques has tailored this dinner to benefit him and him alone. He will control the conversation, so good luck getting around that.

Weiss: “I think my dad would do whatever it takes to win.”

Ruby: “And we should do the same.”

Granted, “whatever it takes” comes to mean spilling some food which obviously is in no way comparable to Jacques’ entire existence. The viewer doesn’t know that’s coming though. When we first hear them, these lines are another nod to the closing gap between the “heroes” and the “villains”---whether we’re defining a “villain” as someone like Jacques or someone like Ozpin. The theme is there. The group is willfully adopting the same choices as those they oppose. If Ozpin is going to lie to us then we’ll lie to Ironwood. If Jacques is going to do whatever it takes then so will we. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. As I’ve mentioned in non-recap metas, RWBY has now created a harsh world where by-the-book heroics will only hurt you in the end. If Ozpin had never kept secrets I don’t believe he would have achieved that extraordinary time of peace. If Blake and Yang hadn’t killed Adam they still would have a murderous abuser stalking them. We clearly have a story where the concept of a lesser evil exists...it’s just that we’re continually turning around to insist that the group is somehow better than everyone else for also doing what they have to to survive.

Which brings me to the fact that if Blake and Yang told everyone else about Robyn, we get not indication of that here. The only nod to last episode’s huge decision was Robyn’s shock that Jacques doesn’t already know what the Amity tower is for, but she’s cut off before she can reveal anything in front of Ironwood. So until proven otherwise... here’s another secret. Not just from an adult in a position of authority, but from the rest of the team as well. Given that Blake hid her faunus status and time in the White Fang, Yang continues to hide her knowledge of the Spring Maiden, both of them are helping to keep at least three major secrets from Ironwood, and are now keeping the Robyn secret from everyone else... no leg to stand on. Not to be dramatic on main, but if either of them ever pulls another, “How dare you keep secrets?!” I’m gonna go absolutely feral lol.

Anyway, back to the plot.

There are no new models of the group in fancy dinner clothes. I in no way had my hopes up for that, but it was fun seeing the posts theorizing about it and I can understand others’ disappointment. That definitely would have been a nice surprise, if an insane amount of work for what amounts to ten minutes of screen time.

Instead everyone just shows up in their normal gear and we get a telling exchange between Ironwood and Winter where she informs him he’d have to pay her to smile. I’m really glad she got a lot of attention this episode, both because we expect as much with her returning to the Schnee manor and because, if she’s going to become the next Winter Maiden, we really need to develop her character some. Even just setting up that she might become a Maiden demands that Winter be more than just Ironwood’s second hand and Wiess’ big sis. Who is she on her own? We start getting a glimpse of that here.

Before her outburst though, the group arrives en masse looking like a small army knocking on Jacques’ door. They’re greeted by Whitley who comments on that, asking Ironwood how large he thinks their dining room table is. Absolutely humongous, obviously. Not really the point though. This is clearly Rooster Teeth poking fun at their own massive cast, which would be more enjoyable if the number of characters didn’t constantly hinder the story. Personally, I’d prefer that they actually tackle underdeveloped or mostly dropped characters (like Maria) rather than just joking about it, but anyone keeping up with these recaps already knows that. If we’re not going to get a better structured story I’ll take some jokes here and there. Laugh about it when you can.

Although, I will say that Rooster Teeth does a good job with a minor character here, namely Klein. Whitley makes a dig at Weiss over how he was let go. Wonder how that could have happened. Klein, to my mind at least, was always meant to be a one shot sort of deal. He was introduced to help Weiss escape and once he’d achieved that was no longer useful to the story. It makes sense that we left him behind, but it’s nevertheless wonderful to get a bit of closure. Sad closure, but closure nonetheless. Now, if Rooster Teeth wants to keep him out of the picture we technically have a complete story. We know who Klein was, what he did, and what happened to him in the aftermath. Yet by keeping him alive and away from the Schnees, there’s always the potential that we’ll run into him again someday. I’m quite satisfied with that balance. It’s much better than what I was expecting, namely for Weiss to return home and conveniently not run into him because that would complicate things. Here we’re given an in-character explanation for his absence. Of course Jacques would fire him.

Finally, in the realm of massive casts and character development, I’ve got to admit that I’m disappointing with Penny being there. Simply because it once and for all shatters the hope that this well-executed frame job will amount to anything. If she’s attending a dinner with Jacques Schnee then things are fine. I said that I wasn’t convinced of this “Penny might be deactivated!” consequence before and I’m definitely not convinced of it now. Theoretically another consequence could have been Ironwood losing his council position, but we don’t see that either. Jacques references Ironwood’s inability to catch whoever hacked them at Beacon and his inability to catch whoever attacked Robyn’s supporters as reasons for being untrustworthy, both of which stand without the frame job. It’s incidental. Tyrian could have just killed everyone as Tyrian and it would have had the exact same effect. All the framing has done is make Penny sad (which hasn’t led to any development yet) and get Pietro to spill the beans about her aura (which could have happened in a thousand other ways). I was so pleased at this setup and the ingenuity of the villains, wondering what sort of impact this framing would have, but now we see the impact is minimal at best. If you frame a character for murder but have no other major character questioning their guilt and they’re out in public two episodes later... what was the point of the framing? Penny’s presence here is disappointing. Not because I don’t love Penny, but simply because of more missed opportunities. At this point I’m wondering why they bothered to bring her back at all. We’re not going to have Ruby grapple with the resurrection of her friend. We’re not going to deal with Penny taking the heat for Tyrian’s murders... Why is she here?

Also, not to distract from these important questions but... that.

That.

Friends, I cannot quite convey how confused I was at first. This is obviously supposed to be akin to the Jaguar ornament but... that’s a raptor, right? Have we seen raptor-type grimm? Am I missing something?? Yes, yes I am. Turns out RWBY Rex is a thing I never knew about and I can now only assume this is another Easter egg. Either that or I’m still missing something. Which is always possible. Either way it made me laugh.

The group heads inside and then splits, Ironwood, Clover, Winter, and Penny going into the dining area. Clover makes a quip about needing luck and Qrow points out that he’s already been invited. I can easily see why so many people are shipping them, but as a hardcore ozqrow shipper myself I’m already biased to view this as friendship. Maybe if we see more of Clover and he doesn’t die like everyone thinks he will I’ll find space in my heart for a dual ship. Either way it’s sweet. As much as I’d like Qrow to acknowledge the best friend he already has two feet away in the body of a kid he hasn’t treated particularly well, I’m nevertheless here for Qrow having healthy and supportive relationships.

We also get to see him refusing a glass of wine. Thank you! Again, it’s pretty late in the game to introduce this and we’re still given no insight into why Qrow is willing to battle his addiction now when he’s succumbed to it for most of his life, but at least they’re maintaining the work needed to stay sober. Qrow politely refuses the offer (from a faunus waiter. No surprise there given Jacques’ racism) and removes himself from temptation by offering to patrol the grounds. Very nicely done. The other Ace Ops join him, warning the newbie huntsmen not to wander off, not to break anything, and make sure you’re available if Ironwood needs you.

To which Yang provides the counter point that they should wander off, they should break things, and all the rest. Jaune later says, “What was that about breaking things?” Admittedly, these lines originally rankled. Because as much as Jacques deserves all the snooping and breaking our team can dish out, I maintain the position that they need to act more responsibly, especially now that they’re officially on the job. We’ve already got Blake and Yang deciding to go behind their bosses’ back. We don’t need them aggravating a situation when they’re the ones who want Ironwood to do that “opening up.” Jacques controlling the situation aside, Ironwood is even less likely to make headway if his guests are off causing trouble.

Which is why I’m so thrilled they didn’t. I’ll be blunt and say straight out that this was a fantastic way to do things. They’re allowed to get food. Nothing wrong with that. We already know Nora is a big eater and tends to be impulsive. If she just happens to pile a plate crazy high, it just happens to hit another guest, and she just happens to douse Whitley in wine? Well... who could have seen that coming? It’s a way of causing mayhem without endangering others or their mission. It achieves the one very specific thing they need: give Weiss an opening to sneak off. No one went overboard. No one else actually snuck off to break things. It was an all around smart plan. Unlike the group attacking Cordovin or Weiss dumping a racist in the trash when they’re supposed to keep a low profile, this is the kind of decision making I can get behind. Something that demonstrates the maturity the group continues to insist they have alongside keeping their playful personalities.

Also, just look at Ren’s smile. That might be the first smile we’ve gotten from him all season. That’s a blessed image, right up there with Oscar stealing hors d'oeuvres the second he walks through the door. Our farm boy is hungry and he’s going to milk Jacques’ wealth for all it’s worth.

The other thing this scene gives us---besides the joyous image of Whitley drenched in wine and Weiss’ amusement over it---is the split screen technique. On the whole I think Rooster Teeth chucks this in too often. There have been many times since the beginning of Volume Six, especially during fight scenes, where the split screen doesn’t feel necessary to me and is even at times quite distracting. Here though? I think it works. The split screen montage used to show the many people involved in, say, a heist is a pretty common technique and it adds another spot of humor to this situation. They’re plotting and executing their food spill with all the sincerity of a bank robbery. I’m here for that.

As Weiss heads upstairs we turn our attention to the meeting with Jacques. It goes about as well as anyone expects. A lot happens in that short span of time though. Robyn sarcastically points out that she should just be happy to have been “invited to the table” and though there’s another black woman across from her, it stands out to me that Robyn, a comparatively dark skinned woman to the rest of the group, says this while the shot poises her between two very white, powerful men. Even the phrase “invited to the table” has gender and racial implications for the audience watching, outside of Robyn’s in-world characterization as a Robin Hood type focused on class. Going off of these themes, we also hear Ironwood reassuring Jacques of their safety by claiming that “Penny is completely under my control.” This, hands down, is the worst thing I’ve seen Ironwood do this volume. Sure, things like the embargo and the supplies have objectively worse consequences, but the story has done a lot to demonstrate the “greater good” justifications behind those choices. We might not agree with Ironwood, but we’re supposed to understand that (until proven otherwise) he has good motivations. Here? That comment is pretty horrible. Ironwood refers to Penny as if she’s a weapon or a tool, a young woman who he believes he literally has control over. It’s a fascinating look into his perspective and a pretty logical one as well. Here’s a man who has put so much faith in his technology, from amassing an army to protect his kingdom to relying on prosthetics to get around. He asked his team to create a new security measure and they did... they just happened to create a person along with it. I’m not sure Ironwood fully understands that yet. He trusts Penny enough to bring her into his own inner circle, but he likewise thinks he can manage her like he would a gun or a vehicle, dictating whether she has friends and announcing that she is under his control. I hope that this is something the writing explores and helps Ironwood work through, rather than just letting it sit as generic evidence that he’s a bad (as opposed to flawed) person. I think Ironwood would realize his mistake and work to correct it if someone pointed out the issue, in the same way we’ve seen him considering, settling, and agreeing with the issues the group has seen fit to yell at him lately.

What interests me most about this whole interaction is (shocking) this continued debate regarding secrets and trust. Overall Rooster Teeth has actually succeeded in creating a decently complex situation here. We know that (again, until proven otherwise) Ironwood has only good intentions and we likewise know that Jacques is now connected to Salem. The information the audience has makes us biased. We know who is supposedly good and supposedly bad. At the same time though, the actual issue appears to be removed from that. Jacques’ side---notably expressed through a new character who acts as a more neutral party---points out that from where they stand there’s no reason for this embargo. We know there’s a reason. Ironwood knows there’s a reason. Because we all know about Salem. But the other council members are making entirely reasonable demands given the information they have: why are you continuing to hurt both the people and our relationship with others? What’s the justification? You can’t give us one? Then why in the world would we let you keep doing this? It puts us in the discomforting position of knowing Jacques is an evil slim ball manipulating the conversation while likewise having to admit that his side has a point. You can’t just announce Salem’s existence because that would make things exponentially worse, but keeping her secret has its definite downsides.

Where Jacques’ party doesn’t have a good position is in his insistence that because Ironwood hasn’t caught these various perpetrators he can’t be trusted, equating trust with results. There’s only so many ideas, resources, and luck that can lead you to catching someone like Tyrian. I understand that knee-jerk reaction, the idea that because someone hasn’t succeeded you should replace them with someone you assume will, but in situations like this you only have so much control over the probability of success. Claiming that Ironwood not catching criminals is indicative of an inability to lead is flimsy, but as we’ve seen, Jacques is a manipulator. He tosses these assertions out as if they’re facts. He and the others continually cut Ironwood off, refusing to let him defend himself. It’s not at all surprising that Winter, someone who suffered under his abuse, eventually explodes with, “You can’t just buy trust like everything else! You have to earn it.” Winter is someone I’m particularly interested in seeing react to the group’s secret keeping because from her perspective, she and Ironwood have earned the group’s trust a hundred times over. Again, provided the story isn’t hiding something from us and Winter is secretly in on some plot with Ironwood, we’re seeing this volume how she’s done the work her father couldn’t and it still wasn’t enough. Her peers, including her baby sister, still decided they weren’t going to trust her with secrets that are intimately tied up in their current work and choices.

Frustrating moral questions aside, something I really loved about this scene was the character setup and the cinematography. Having Jacques with his two allies on one side, Ironwood mirroring that on the opposite end of the table, and Robyn sitting poised between the two, the audience still unsure whose side she’ll fall on. That aerial shot showing off the distance between them all? Excellent visual storytelling.

We get a quick conversation between Winter and Penny which I don’t have too much to say about. Merely that I love Penny for checking up on Winter and I love Winter for correcting her assumption: I’m not saying you wouldn’t understand because you’re a robot, I’m just saying these problems are very specific to me and being in this place. That was particularly reassuring after Ironwood’s comments. Penny ends the scene by saying she doesn’t understand why Winter wouldn’t want to follow her heart. Perhaps an odd comment coming from someone who almost blindly obeys the orders she’s given even when she doesn’t agree---such as not making more friends---but then, it may well be a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ situation. Just because Penny isn’t sure how to always follow her own heart doesn’t mean she can’t encourage others to do the same.

We return to Weiss who, after getting past a curious server, makes it to her father’s office. I feel like this is the scene people are most invested in, considering that I’ve seen a LOT of posts lately trying to demonize Willow for her comment about Whitley. Here’s what people need to remember about Willow moving forward: she’s as much a victim of abuse as Weiss is. She is, presumably, Jacques’ first victim, fully entrenched in his abuse by the time her kids started coming along. As a mother does she have a responsibility to her children? Absolutely, but that doesn’t erase the fact that she’s simultaneously a woman attempting to survive domestic abuse.

(That’s another stunning shot hell yes.)

Initially Weiss takes the side of the posts I’ve seen, painting her mother as someone who made a conscious decision to let the abuse happen---another abuser herself, one out of passiveness. “Some of us are trying to do something about it,” Weiss says, emphasizing that she’s better because she’s doing what her mother never could: fighting back. Ignoring for a moment the highly dubious insistence that abuse victims must simply ‘do something’ about that abuse (it’s not that simple at all), Weiss quickly realizes that she was wrong. Her mother has been doing something, namely setting up hidden cameras around the house for some spying of her own. Why? “For our safety.” To make sure that if Jacques ever goes farther than he already has, Willow will know about it and can take appropriate steps. Is taking precautions against something worse better than leaving a situation that’s already horrific? Of course not, but as said, abuse isn’t just something you can fix. Even if you know it’s happening. This is a woman doing all she can and what someone is capable of in an abusive relationship is based on them and that context, not what others believe is fighting back “enough.”

Willow then reassures everyone, Weiss and the audience alike, that she doesn’t expect Weiss to be the family savior.

Willow: “You haven’t come back to stay, have you?” Weiss: “No.” Willow: “Good.”

That first line potentially reads as a plea. We might have gotten a scene where Willow is disappointed that Weiss isn’t coming back because she doesn’t want to face this family alone. While a very human and understandable desire, it’s likewise not okay to expect another abuse survivor to return to their abuser after they’ve gotten out. In that hypothetical scene the fandom would have a basis for going, “No. That’s... not okay.” But we don’t get that. Willow is thrilled that Weiss both got out and has no intention to return. She wants her daughter safe. That parental instinct outweighs any selfish, human desire to not suffer this situation alone.

Keep the above point in mind when we read the line, “No matter what happens, Weiss, please don’t forget about your brother.” Willow isn’t telling Weiss to return to the house and save him. She’s not even telling her to forgive him. Just don’t forget him. Remember that he’s not a mini Jacques. He’s another young abuse victim. He’s just like you. When we look at the family dynamic it’s clear that in some ways Weiss had a leg up from her brother that helped her get out. Namely, she had Winter. They’re the ones who are close among the siblings and thus Weiss had a role model to follow. Winter, however she managed it, got out and forged her own path. We then see throughout the series how closely Weiss emulates that, from going into combat herself and having Winter train her. The two actions---fighting and escape---are connected in Weiss’ Volume 5 short. Winter tells her that if she wants to get out she has to get better. That’s your route.

In contrast, Whitley has shown no interest in combat and thus doesn’t have that path to emulate. He’s not a girl and is thus automatically treated as the next Jacques, not the next Winter or even Willow. Most importantly, Whitley doesn’t have a close relationship with an older sibling to guide him.

That’s all Willow is asking of Weiss: be for Whitley what Winter was to you. Don’t forget about him. Don’t pretend he doesn’t exist. Don’t fall into the lie Whitley himself believes, that he’s set to be the next Jacques. He’s really an abused 14-15 year old who has suffered through everything we have. So if there ever comes a time where Whitley falters in this belief or you’re given an opening... please treat him like your brother, not your father.

I think that’s a perfectly reasonable thing for a mother to ask and we can easily see via Weiss’ expression that she’s coming to all these realizations too.

“Of course [Whitley doesn’t want anything to do with you.] You left him alone. With us.” That’s not an accusation, it’s a fact. As established, Willow is happy that Weiss got out, but like with so much in RWBY the best decision doesn’t mean it’s a consequence-free decision. In this case the consequence is that Weiss and Winter left their little brother alone with their abuser. They had to for their own mental health and their safety, but they nevertheless did it. So if there ever comes a time when they can help alleviate that consequence, please do.

It likewise doesn’t escape my notice that, again, Whitley is a guy. Just like the fandom was unwilling to accept Ozpin as an abuse victim, people seem hesitant to accept Whitley as an abuse victim either. From what I’ve seen (and there are admittedly always exceptions) Whitley’s shitty behavior hasn’t gotten an a fraction of the sympathy Weiss’ shitty Volume 1-3 behavior got. They’re three years apart at most. If Weiss is a victim then so is her little brother. Don’t let the Jacques’ genetics and learned behavior fool you.

Finally, we end on Watts. The man who continues to be THE most dramatic bitch in this entire series.

We watch as he shuts down the system keeping Mantle warm. Rather than rain, snow starts to fall. Whether this will be just another generic thing going wrong to make the people angry and Ironwood seem incompetent, or whether there’s a more dangerous downside here (we did hear from Weiss about the deadly temperatures...) remains to be seen.

And that’s it. You know, I think that’s the first time in nearly two volumes where I ultimately had more good things to say about an episode than bad. It’s a holiday miracle!

Until next Saturday ;)

#rwby #rwby volume 7 #rwby volume 7 spoilers #mymetas #rwby recaps

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mrs-spindelle · 5 years

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Never Work at Victoria’s Secret

Since I’m quitting Victoria’s Secret and have found a new job, let me give you girls some wonderful insight on the pile of dog shit company all us ladies have to shop at to hold our breasts in place.

Shopping there and working there are two totally different experiences, and let me tell you why you should never work in Hell- I mean VS.

1. As a customer, you are allowed to steal. Yes, that’s right! You ladies are allowed to take whatever you want if you can get the sensor off. We employees are NEVER allowed to ask for a receipt, accuse you of theft (even as we stand there and watch you rip the tags off), OR call security! That’s right, we would never accuse our beautiful honest angels of something as horrible as shoplifting. Just don’t take more than $1,000 in merchandise to avoid it being a reportable crime, don’t get caught by mall security and you ladies will have yourselves all the panties and bras you want. Oh, we’re also not allowed to go after you. I was once required to remove a sensor from a bra for a lady because she claimed ‘she bought it and we forgot to remove the sensor’ even though we ALL watched her rip it off a hanger. But by company policy, I cannot accuse her of theft or ask for her receipt. So she got a free bra. If you ever think you’re going to be caught, just accuse us employees of racism and threaten to call HR. We’ll back off. The company is terrified of a lawsuit.

2. You as an employee are punished far more harshly than a customer EVER will be. If they so much as think you’re stealing, your hours are cut, and you are the one who is watched on camera - not the group of girls who just walked out of the front door of PINK with $600 worth of leggings.

3. I don’t have proof, but I’m pretty sure many of their cameras do not work. They say the cameras are everywhere and can spin and zoom to see text so small like on an ID, but its a hoax. If they can’t even catch a thief who looks right into the camera, they won’t catch anything period. They couldn’t even catch the man who stole like, $20,000 worth of panties lmao.

4. You are required to be a customer’s punching bag. Dealing with drunken men at a bar is a blessing compared to working for the middle-low class entitled women of society. Victoria’s Secret has created an atmosphere that makes every woman feel special and sexy, but for a lot of women, it gives them a sense of power they don’t actually have, and they abuse that power by abusing the very employees helping them to find a piece of clothing to hold their tits in. I have been mocked for my thin body, tall height, small breasts and pale skin color. I have been called racist, told to get breast implants, or that I was mentally incapable of helping women with bigger breasts find what they need simply because I had B cups. I never once had an issue with a man while I worked there, but I lost count with how many fellow women abused me there. You would be surprised to see how little support you get, because we cannot verbally defend ourselves or others. The customer is always right, even when they are outright degrading you like an animal.

5. No one gives a shit about that panty drawer filled with 150+ thongs you just neatly folded. No one. Walk away from it for 30 seconds and come back, I fucking dare you.

6. You don’t get to go home until all panties on top are folded in order. Gotta fold until 12 at night? Guess what, you’re gonna be folding until 12 at night.

7. Closing late but need to be back in the morning for a 5am floorset? Yeah, you’ll be scheduled to close until 10pm or 11pm and HAVE to come back at 5am. No ifs ands or buts.

8. Every company sets aside money to compensate for theft, but Victoria’s Secret has so much theft due to their shit policy that they raise prices. And you honest hard working women have to pay more so thieves can continue doing what they like. Example. Panties are typically 1 cent to make, and are $10.50 a piece. The lingerie panties are $16.50, and their newest lingerie panty is now $40+ A PIECE. They are made the same way as a $16.50 panty, but tripled in price. And you’re a sucker for buying it. I own one since I got one for free, and guess what? Its shit. Don’t put it in the dryer. Ever.

9. Ever wanted to clean up vaginal discharge and period blood? This is the job for you!

10. If you don’t ask for a break, you will not receive a break.

11. You cannot remind a customer that you’re closing in 5 minutes. They’re allowed to destroy the entire store, unfold everything, go in the fitting rooms for as long as they like, and fuck around until THEY choose to leave. The gates are NOT to be closed, not even half way, until that customer leaves - which makes opportunity for late night shoplifters to come in and loot while you’re busy trying to refold what that customer had just destroyed, so you can go home on time. But now, not only do you have to clean, you also will be staying late to file a long ass report about the theft - which Victoria’s Secret will do absolutely nothing about.

12. Pregnant? Guess what, nobody gives a shit. Reach down at the bottom drawer to shop for a woman who is too lazy to kneel down herself and grab her XL granny panty. Your baby is an inconvenience to certain entitled women.

13. Got this job to avoid baby sitting? Well you’re going to baby sit, and watch as women drag their screaming children into the store meant for adults that’s filled with inappropriate lingerie and open-assed panties with lewd pictures of half-naked women all over the walls. Also get ready to pick up after other people’s children who drop their drinks, food, toys, and destroy store property by playing on shelves, ripping off manniquin arms, chewing on panties (and stealing them, I caught one child stuffing panties into their Else purses), and throwing the biggest demonic hissy fits when they don’t get their way. Think the parents will stoop to OUR level and clean up after their own kids? LOL they’ll go “Sorry” and walk away. You’ll be lucky if they even say sorry. You know they aren’t.

14. You will understand why 50% of marriages end in divorce simply watching how wives boss around their husbands to show off in the store. This goes back to the power the store gives women. When women enter these gates, their true selves show, because the sense of false power makes them act like the bitches that they truly are. I will say that not every woman is like this, but an alarming amount are.

15. The girls who buy boy shorts are the most condescending and judgmental of women - deeming those who wear thongs are sluts, whores and loose and are beneath them. Yet they buy boy shorts with ‘Yummy’ written on the ass. Hmmmmm...

16. If you find a co-worker who is real and takes time out of their day to help train you, stick with them. 9 times out of 10, you won’t get the benefit of training. You’ll be thrown into the chaos like I was and be expected to perform well. Its up to your fellow co-workers to help you. If some help you. Hopefully they’ll help you. I had only 1 help me, and that was during Black Friday.

17. Starting drama is forbidden. Unless you’re a favorite. Then you’re free to shit talk all you want.

18. Women are destructive little shits. They will rip apart anything nice and toss shit around.

19. You are not allowed to carry any weapons on you for protection. You will be terminated for doing so.

20. Despite not being allowed to carry a firearm, policy has made it clear that in the event of a shooting, you must hide. In the event that the shooter FINDS you, you are encouraged to FIGHT BACK. . . With - what exactly? If you’re not allowed to carry protection on you, yet a man with a gun is shooting at you and killing people, then how in the fucking fuck are you supposed to fight back? You are practically set up to die in the worst case scenario. But consider the alarming rate of shootings today. Public shootings are becoming more and more common, its a horrendous tragedy. And we are faced with either being fired, or being fired at.

Your choice.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Now I will say...not everything about it was bad. There were times where I had fun, I miss those times. I had a good handful of nice customers who made my job easier, and a few I could relate to. I suppose the issue is with the company. If the company had a different way of running things, then maybe the women would have a different mindset when walking into the store and treat their fellow women better. Who knows...

#vs #victorias #secret #victoriassecret #hell on earth #rant #my experience #retail #i hate retail

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noona-clock · 6 years

Text

Shoulds and Shouldn’ts

oooh I hope this gets to you in time, if not that's ok!! but maybe you could write some type of cute (maybe suggestive? if it fits LOL) boy next door!au/neighbor!au scenario with jongdae? 👀 love you T!! ❤️

GIRL, even if it didn’t, I would’ve written for it anyway but it did!! So, I got very, very carried away with this all because of @ayojongdae attacking me with Jongdae pictures. But do let me know what you think, @castieltrash1!! (I feel like this needs a part 2 but we’ll see!!) Love you right back!!

Genre: Neighbor AU, Bad Boy AU and Slow Burn AU

Pairing: Jongdae x You

By Admin T

You met him when you were moving in. You’d had boxes and boxes of things that you wondered when you started becoming a hoarder. You were lucky to find an apartment complex for yourself, just enough for you with a kitchen where you can see the living room complete with a view for those days when you felt pensive. You (finally) had your own room and another to spare (because why not?).

“Need a hand?”

His voice was soft, friendly and you swear you could hear his smile even before you saw it. Your knees went weak and you’d almost dropped the box that you were holding. He rushed over with a chuckle, his hands gently touching yours accidentally as he carried the box for you. Good thing he did because all you could think of was ‘damn, who is this?!’.

“You are…” you stammered, suddenly feeling very conscious of yourself. You had no care in the world today with just a shirt and jeans, wanting nothing than to be completely comfortable for the move.

“Your neighbor!” he grinned. His smile took up almost all of his face but you noted that his lips curled in such an endearing way that all you could do was stare. “I’m not trying to steal your things or… I’m innocent, I promise!”

You blinked, chuckling nervously, only now realizing how you’d reacted and how he’d reacted to your reaction.

“So… mind if I help?”

You tried your best not to look too excited. “Sure. Why not?”

He smiled once more and you were sure that your heart fell.

It was a bad idea to fall for Kim Jongdae. You hated his smile and you hated his laugh but you smiled back and you laughed right back. When he said hello, your heart leap and you waved and grinned as if he was the highlight of your day. When you happened to see him in the hallway, you asked him how his day went and he asked about yours, truly wondering how it went and pausing to just listen to you.

He was charming and you shouldn’t have been surprised when you noticed the many, many dates he went on on an almost regular basis. You didn’t think much of it when you saw the first girl but then, came the second different one, then the third and your image of that friendly, boy next door neighbor was gone.

“So, what’d you think?” he asked and you blinked, trying to come back down to earth.

He laughed in amusement as he waved his hand in front of your face playfully and you huffed, giving him a gentle shove on the shoulder.

“Ah, c’mon, Y/N, help me out!” he said with that signature whine. He tilted his head back and he let his bottom lip protrude so he could give you the best pouty face he could.

“Ah, Jongdae!” you said, rolling your eyes as you reached to close your door. He was standing in the hallway, asking for your opinion on blue and black suit he donned for his business event that night.

He looked drool worthy. He looked so good when he was put together, all clean lines with his suit, his hair pulled back to compliment his sharp jawline but warm smile. You were sure he had a date that night.

He swiftly placed his foot between your door and you wondered why you didn’t hear the door slam.

“You always have the best taste, Y/N,” he said, his voice soft this time. “Besides, you said I look good in blue and black.”

You turned around and nodded in return as he leaned on your doorframe, a lazy smile on his face.

“You look good in anything, Dae,” you said with a teasing smirk.

His eyes were soft as if he’d wanted to say something, the teasing Jongdae was gone in a flash but suddenly back as he blew a kiss at you and closed the door with a wave.

“She was horrendous.”

“No, she wasn’t. She was…” he muttered, scratching the back of his neck.

“Ha! You can’t even think of how to – .”

“Flexible.”

You reached for the nearest couch pillow and promptly threw it at his face.

“YAH, Y/N, NOT THE FACE,” shouted Jongdae as he fell back on the couch. You laughed in amusement but your smile fell. He was too preoccupied as he muttered to himself about dangerous neighbors while he reached for the nearest pillow so he could plot his revenge.

“You have a coffee maker at your place, Jongdae, why do you keep coming here?” you asked, dodging the flying pillow expertly before grabbing your mug to get more coffee. Jongdae had shown up on your doorstep, a sleepy smile on his face and simply walked in, telling you that he was going to start making coffee.

“It’s more fun here,” he said with a shrug. “And you have a view.” He followed you to the kitchen as you poured more coffee into your mug.

“Ah, okay, so you’re just here for the apartment, I get it,” you smirked.

You were used to the banter, the quick responses and the teasing but he replied with silence. You looked up at him questioningly and he gave you a small smile.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said softly. “How come I never see you hang out with anyone? I mean, uh, y’know, go out? On a date?”

You frowned, suddenly bothered by the personal question. Then again, it’s not like you both weren’t close. You were both pretty close. Close friends though. Friends.

“Why do you care?” you murmured, trying to pass it off as a joke but Jongdae moved closer as if hesitating.

“When was the last time you had a kiss?”

“You’re being annoying, Dae, stop.”

“What?” he laughed softly, his eyes on your neck as he licked his lips. He was close enough that you could smell his shampoo mixed with coffee mixed with Jongdae. Your knees felt weak and your hand gripped the counter.

“Y/N, what if I kissed you?” he whispered, his face inches from yours and his breath fanning your skin.

Your breath caught in your throat.

He leaned forward and you turned your face away from him, your heart hammering against your chest.

Silence filled the air but the awkward atmosphere was worse.

As if something switched in his brain, Jongdae gulped and took a step back. “Y/N, I…”

“I think you should go home.”

Jongdae avoided you. He stopped coming over to ask what you thought about his outfits. He didn’t visit you during the mornings just to catch up and tell you about his escapades. When he saw you in the hallway, he ran back to his apartment.

The apartment complex suddenly became quiet during the day. You tried to preoccupy yourself with other things. Cleaning. Binge watching movies. Reorganizing your closet. You even planned nights out because it killed you to know that Jongdae was right next door and you couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing. And because, even though, you hated how he dated so often and that he tried to pull a line, a kiss, something with you, you also wanted it too.

So, when you heard Jongdae shouting your name while knocked on your door, you froze. Your knees wobbled and you stared at your door.

“Y/N, are you home?” he called, his voice urgent. But you knew him well enough. He was trying to sound okay and, yet, you could hear the tremble in his voice and you found yourself opening your door and there he was, his smile lazy, his hair mussed as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you.

“You’ve been drinking,” you muttered, ignoring the fact that this was the first thing you’ve said to him after a week of ignoring each other.

“I didn’t bring anyone home this time,” he slurred.

You rolled your eyes and pushed him towards his apartment but he fought against you, keeping his feet still and shaking his head while he held you tighter. “No, I want to stay.”

“Jongdae!” you signed in frustration. Even when he was inebriated, you couldn’t resist him.

“I’m sorry,” he said so quickly that you would’ve almost missed it. “I’m sorry. Can I stay here with you tonight? I won’t do anything, I promise. I’m sorry.”

His arm was around your waist, your head on his shoulder and your legs tangled against each other. The couch was small but it was small enough that it was perfect for cuddling. You both hadn’t meant to do it. Jongdae was flailing and you could only go as far as your couch, so you both fell as he proceeded to apologize and finally fall asleep.

He was the first to wake up. His eyes snapping open as he gasped softly to realize where he was but, more importantly, to realize what he was doing with you. He licked his lips and bit back a smile. You nuzzled against him, your walls finally down, and it was then that he knew that you felt the same way.

His lips met your forehead, gently, softly and cautiously grazing your skin. You hummed in contentment. He knew he shouldn’t, you’d pulled away last time, but a smile played on your lips and that only motivated him even more. His kisses moved towards the edges of your eyes, your nose, your cheeks. He couldn’t get enough of you and you sighed happily.

His hands found your waist and all he could think of was touching every part of you, your skin, your hands and every inch he could find. He was drunk on you and he couldn’t help himself.

Then, your eyes blinked open and he looked at you hesitantly. He cleared his throat and tried to find words but the only thing he could think of was, “I should…”

“Stay,” you interrupted. “You should stay.”

He looked at you in awe as if questioning what you’d just said but you closed the gap between the two of you, your lips finally touching his. It was a chaste kiss, no tongue, but soft and sweet enough that it made him moan while your knees quivered.

He’d never experienced a kiss like this and he knew why. It was because it was you. You mattered and he cared for you, his heart falling for you every time he saw you in the hallway, at your place or passing by. He hadn’t meant to but your smile won him over and he wished he was brave enough before to had told you how much he meant to you.

His hand trailed underneath your sweater, his touch warm and inviting that you let out a gasp, his kisses turning urgent as he rolled on top of you. A pillow fell on the floor and then another. It was as if all that pent up tension was finally bursting and present.

“Dae…” you muttered softly and he paused, his breathing heavy and his heart pounding but he stopped for you.

He gulped, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he leaned his forehead on yours.

“Y/N… geez, what you do to me…” he murmured while your cheeks blushed. He let out another breath as he pushed himself off of you. You laughed in amusement at his hard on and his messy hair but he stretched out his hand and you pushed yourself off the couch to take it.

“Will you go out with me?”

There was no teasing, his eyes focused all on you as he waited with baited breath. When all you could do was stare, he continued, “Properly. I’ll take you out properly. Not like what you’ve seen or heard or… I like you, Y/N. I think I’m falling for you and I just want to be with you all the time.”

He tried once more. “Will you go out with me?”

You pressed your lips and nodded. You hated him. You hated him because you’ve always wanted to be with him and now that he’d finally asked you, you couldn’t find your words.

He laughed that full laugh, his joy brightening up the room as he picked you up and twirled you around before setting you on the ground so he could kiss you once more and over and over and over again.

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maptoourescape · 5 years

Note

Hi 😉 I was wondering what was your take on Heidi being on tour with the guys and everything that happened since she joined them aka fans reporting she has this cold face when watching the show and the lack of interaction between her +her parents and the twins’ mother? I really loved your piece on the summercamp last year I thought you nailed it, thank you in advance and have a nice day/evening/afternoon 😊

Hey there!Oh man anon, where to begin? You’re in for a treat, because I think I’llunleash much more than what you’ve bargained for, for the simple fact that Ihaven’t really ranted out everything that I wanted on other social mediaplatforms lol. I guess I should start off by saying that my opinion on thismatter is still unaltered. If anything, the points I have made within my SummerCamp essay seem to only get more and more probable with each passing day.Whatever little hope I might have been harboring that maybe (by some miracle)I’m wrong – that she is actually nota rotten individual – just keeps disappearing with every horrendous attitudeshe decides to present next. And boy oh boy is she set out to be horrendous.Big yikes.Let’s get one thing out of the way first, (because some people still can’t grasp this concept, and Iwant to clarify it before I dwell any further): the reason why I’m bothered byKlum is not because of any pettyjealousy people claim I must be feeling towards her. I feel like it’s sounbelievably superficial and sexist to claim that – what is saidbetween the lines – I “must dislike this specific vagina, simply because I wantits rightful penis”. Literally what the fuck? I quite honestly wouldn’t touchTom with a ten foot pole (no offense to him, but I really would not). Evenentering their personal bubble for pictures makes me feel uncomfortable,because I don’t want to be perceived as one of those predators who give thewhole fandom a bad name after they dry hump them as soon as they’re in their radius,so there’s that. What I feel towards this band is just so pure, and so muchabove any petty groupie fantasy others try to project onto me, that theargument of “me being jealous” makes literal bile rise up my throat. It’s revoltingto me. Not only me, but to many other people as well – people who also don’tfit the mold of what those “higher-moral-ground-wannabees” claim they are.The reason why a shit ton of people dislike Klum is very simple: we all see thesame red flags rising when we observe her attitude. It most definitely hasnothing to do with anyone’s attraction towards Tom himself. I just cannotcomprehend this stupid narrative. Most of the fandom doesn’t consist of twelveyear old girls anymore, so give me a break (albeit I personally never thirsted after any of them at all, ever, so whatever).Some people who see that Heidi’s problematic are gay, by the way. Some peoplewho see it are happily married. Some even have children for crying out loud.Are they all jealous too, according to that narrow point of view?Noticing someone’s reappearing toxicity – especially when it is masses of very different people all noticingthe very same destructive behavioralpatterns – is simply concerning. Yeah, I know the popular counter argument is “why should you care then, youhave no ties to him?” Well of course that’s true. No, I’m not the band’simmediate family. I’m not their friend and neither do I work for them. But themen of this band have had a huge impact on my life, and their art has helped methrough so much shit over the years of my adolescence and beyond. If notanything else, it feels fair to thenat least be honest about when I think they might be getting into some deep shitthemselves. An act of reciprocated gratefulness and respect, if you will. Thekind of “you helped me, and now, even though I can’t exactly help you per sebecause we are strangers, the least I can do is to be sincere in my thoughts ofgenuine concern”. I mean, look, I said it once, and I’ll say it again: at the end of the day, marryingsomeone like Heidi is Tom’s choice to make – or well, in my opinion and forlack of a better wording, his own mistakein the making. I’m pretty much the last person in the world who can changethat, and don’t worry, I’m aware of that. And sure, at the end of the day, it’snot me who’ll have to live with her. It’s not me who’s gonna suffer the immediate consequences of it.But although it’s not going to be me ending up being potentially hurt, Tom’sproblems will, by default, extend to damage anyone who ever cared for him aswell. And we, as a whole (well, most of us), do care for this fucking band. Goddamn we do. Just like we cared whenBill had to get his surgery; just like we cared whenever any of them had a caraccident; just like we cared when Gustav got into that bar fight all those yearsago; just like we cared when we saw them being stalked and burning out in frontof our very eyes – just in the same way, we care now, because we see someonewho appears to be absolutely venomous protrude not only their personal lives, but the band as a concept as well.The very same band that was always a sort of escapism resort that EVERYONE (theband AND the fans) could always come to when everything “in the real world” wasgoing astray – now being quite literally invaded by outside forces withoutfacing any proper resistance.Honestly, at this point, I should probably stop being so surprised by whateverHeidi Klum does next. But I’m apparently too naïve, or maybe just simply toogood natured to actually expect half of the disgusting things she does. I couldhonestly keep my mouth way more shut if it was just a “behind the scenes Tomthing”. As said – it’s his mistake to make, and even though I’d still roll myeyes way into the back of my head at the lack of brain functioning he’sexemplifying on a daily basis, I’d still be able to not be this vocal about it if it were just a “Tom thing”. The problem isthough – this isn’t just a Tom thing any longer (if it ever was at all). Thefact that I’m furious and ranting about it left and right openly is because Tokio Hotel lets Tom’s girlfriend involveherself into the band’s affairs. That’s the reason I even wrote the entireSummer Camp Essay, and I see now that it was a sort of foreshadowing of graverthings to come.Can you believe it, I’m finally getting to your point lol. Now let us address thesestupidities one by one.Tokio Hotel may have started as a hobby, something that all four of them lovedto do above everything else and “just happened to turn into their job”. But atthe end of the day, a dream job is still a job. I’m pretty damn sure it isfrowned upon in any other setting or situation to just drag your “significantother” to your workplace, and let them effectivelyinterfere with your job policies. Seeing how the nature of their job is, I’mhonestly fine when it comes to family/girlfriends/friends or such visitingtheir concerts. If I would be in their shoes, I most definitely would have donethe same. Pretty sure most anyone would – who doesn’t want to share their art not only with strangers, but withpeople who are closest to them in life as well! I know I would! What I would never, though, is stoop as low as tobreak my professionalism and have my family/girlfriends/friends or such 1. SIGN MY DAMN POSTERS.Not only did she do that, she also clearly provocatively and without anyreasoning whatsoever signed the poster with hissurname and not even her own, even though she clearly keeps on signing hernormal everyday autographs with her “established” name. Anyone who has thebrain capacity to count to ten can understand that such is done for thepurposes of drama, and portrays nothing less but a toxic possessiveness of ateenage girl who needs to “mark her territory”. And such is coming from a supposedlyestablished 46 year old woman. The behavior exhibited just leaves mespeechless. And I am all the more concerned when I see people defending such occurrenceswith the adjectives of “cute,” stating furthermore that it’s “not a big deal”.How about you tell that this “isn’t a big deal” to a potential someone who wasonly on a VIP once, when this is the sort of memory they’d be left with at theend of the day?Of course some of us – a lot of us – come to the gigs more than once, andactually have a shit ton of VIP packages. But not everyone is that lucky, andnot everyone is willing or able to spend that much money on the band. It isdistressing for me to think that someone might have gotten this one opportunityto meet them, but then at the end of the day took home a poster that was signedby, quite honestly, a random person who has nothingto do with the band or their own personalexperience with the four men. It is beyond my understanding how the members canclaim to be oh-so-professional, but then let something like this slidecompletely.Half of me honesty hopes that she’s done it in secret. At least in that versionof the events, the band would have a “redeeming way out”, seeing how it wouldhave been done behind their backs. Somehow though, I kind of doubt that is thecase. And that’s what honestly gets me pressed the most. The sheer thought thatthey’d be willing to – in any way, shape or form – give a complete outsider any sort of autonomy when it comes to“band things”. And it would be even worse if they’d find such to be “funny” atthe end of the day, if we ever addressed the matter with them.See, realizing that Heidi Klum is toxic is one thing, because (newsflash) Idon’t care about Heidi Klum. It is,though, entirely something else when the guys let her maneuver her way insidethe band. Even if manipulated into it, they still most likely seem to give herthe freedom of doing almost whatever the fuck she wants, and to think of them – the people I actually do care about – to be this misguided, and this unprotective when it comes to all matters Tokio Hotel… see that’s what actually gets me going.At this point, it really feels as though Klum’s just testing her limits to seehow far she can go before someone within the band circle starts to question hermotives, and tell her that she maybe shouldn’t get too involved with their business(not that it matters, because people like her have a prepared victim card theycan play at any time, so she’d get out of it as soon as she notices she’sreached said limit by claiming to be but a poor soul who meant no harm).Apparently, she can push fairly far though, seeing how2. HER KIDS WERE BROUGHT ON STAGE.This one seemed to have stirred up even some heated Pro!Heidi people out there,and albeit I’m sad it took this long for people to realize there’s muchfishiness attached to the smell she emits, it was still good to see it was awake-up call at least for some. Now whoever’s defending this is, in my book, honestly just gross. It would be one thing ifthe kids would express the wish to go on stage themselves, but judging by theirreactions – so from just standing there awkwardly not knowing what to do, tostraight up hiding from the crowd – didthey really? But you know what, scratch that, for the sake of theargument, let’s pretend no adult person is as disturbed as to suggest such athing themselves (cough)… Even if this wasa longing of the kids’ own free will… who in their right fucking mind wouldever allow that? Who thought itwould be a brilliant idea to throw on stage some (give or take) ten year olds,only to be screamed at by a mass of people in a language they do not understand, being surrounded bypeople they do not know. Not tomention no-one could have predicted thepublic’s reaction??? Of course the general consensus is that it would becompletely disgusting to boo at actualkids, because at the end of the day, none of what the adults surroundingthem do is their fault at all… but it stillcould have happened. And given how everyone most likely knows that Klumisn’t really popular in our community, shouldn’t they have thought about the repercussionsof their actions before putting sucha plan in gear? This lack of brain function is completely beyond me.Whether it was the kids themselves asking for it and no one rejected them;Tom’s idea for wanting to please Heidi; Heidi’s own messed up concept; orsomething else entirely… my question is still all the same: how about someone thinks of the children’s wellbeing,instead of parading them around like circus animals? Yeah, people mostly complained about this because the VIP’s were coldly toldoff as secondary as soon as the kids got involved. But I just wanted to saythis honestly goes well beyond the argument of “people paying a 1000€ to beable to have the best day of their lives, only to be told they have literallyno priority above the kids who were there out of what seemed to be pressurefrom Heidi Klum to get the spotlight she so desperately thinks she keeps lacking”.It’s not just about money. It’s about so much more than just money. To prove a point and for the sake of this essay though, I’ll still bring thisother argument up too:Look, I am of a firm belief that buying a VIP buys you – first and foremost – anexperience, and only then (assecondary) the contents of whatever the package one chooses to do includes. Andexperiences as such can obviously vary. Sometimes you’ll see the band be in agood mood, but sometimes you’ll get the vibe that they seem kind of down and uninterested.Honestly, all of those are fine by me personally. Even if I meet the band onone of their “down” days, I’d still find it beyond interesting, because Irealized at the very beginning already that I’m investing in something that iswell beyond just “a purchase,” and has many differentials in its equation – asmany as there are human emotions. You can’t exactly purchase good mood, and so youcan’t ever expect everything to be perfect and smooth, because you’re buyingyourself quality time with real life, actual, flesh and blood people, who canexperience all and every single emotion you toocan experience yourself: from despair to complete euphoria and everything inbetween. I think most people actually realize this and don’t mind it too much if theguys are moody – mostly because they rarely show it anyway, keeping up theirprofessional mask and making sure everyone is enjoying their experience to thefullest. That’s honestly such a tough part of their job, and we probably don’ttell them enough how much we appreciate that they do their best all the time to“meet everyone’s expectations,” even when they could honestly just say “fuckit”. Only… they kind of said their deepestand ugliest “fuck it” when they allapparently in unity agreed, that they have no problem if some individualsinterfere with their fans’ experience. Individuals to whom the concept of beingthere literally meant little to nothing. Because it’s not like thoseindividuals were on stage with their four favorite people in the whole world.Because those individuals haven’t been saved by their music again and again for15 years straight. Because to those individuals – even if they ended up havingfun (which they actually did not, so that’s even WORSE) – standing there wouldonly mean two minutes of semi-fun and euphoria, while to some of the fans,those two minutes would mean the wholeentire world, an experience they would never forget and always cherish deeply.So no matter how you take it, this is about way more than just one grand. It’sabout what the band was conveying to its fandom when they allowed this tohappen. It’s about how it felt as though they themselves don’t grasp theconcept of how much this means to some people. Of being ignorant on how much ofan impact they truly had on us in the years of our lives that we devoted tothem. About marking a clear void between the two fractures of “us” and “them,”putting themselves on a higher pedestal. Not to mention the fractures seem tobe opening up in between themselves as well, with other3. PEOPLE THAT ARE CLOSE TO THE BAND NOT BEING THAT ACCEPTING OF KLUM EITHERThe following includes both my personal experience, as well as experiences offriends that have been to concerts with and without me though the entire tour.While I have not seen Klum in Munich, (because I did not want to see her in Munich, and didn’t bother to turn my head evenremotely, because I just wanted to enjoy my time), my friends have all told mewhat I would suspect would be the case anyway, so you’re completely right onthe cold bitch-facing throughout the concert. Klum only ever cracks a propersmile when someone pokes her to ask for a selfie, finally satisfied that she’dgotten her share of the attention she so much craves and desires. Not even forjust the gig I’ve been to, but for the rest of them that are happening rightnow – people have all been telling me pretty much the same thing, again andagain, and there’s even been videos of her during the concerts to support theseclaims. Claims of “film, bitch-face, rinse and repeat”. Occasional jump andclap to not seem too out of place, maybe, but ones that aren’t even remotelyovertaken with any sense of pride or overflowing joy.One would expect of Mrs.ObsessedWithTheSurnameKaulitz to at least sing alongwith the songs, but she can barely manage Melancholic Paradise lyrics out ofher throat. Not to be prickly now – I’m not saying that that knowing TokioHotel songs by heart would or should be an indicator of the “true love” sheclaims to be experiencing towards Tom, but seeing the contrast between her andGustav’s wife or Georg’s girlfriend in this regard is just baffling. Not evenfor the fact that the two of them don’tseem to possess an apparently unstoppable itch when it comes to oversharingtheir enthusiasm on social media, but for the pure fact that they just plainobviously don’t have to create a social media hoax in order to portray theirgenuine happiness. Such namely always clearly shines on their proud faces,while Klum is the living example of what those girls who get front row looklike, who spend literally 2 hours of their ENTIRE concert just filming Tom fromup close, because apparently having 200gb of HD thirst footage of your iphonejust means so much more to some individuals than just enjoying and feeling the actual music seep through theirveins. But I digress.I didn’t really think too much about what either side of the parenthood isdoing – like you, I have heard mixed reports on that regard, because I know forsure the both mothers got along pretty well when they visited the concert inCologne, while on other occasions, fans have reported it might’ve not been likethat at all. All in all, I’m not bothering with them a lot, because no matterwhat their perceptions of their kids’ relationship is, it doesn’t seem to methey’ll have any sort of proper influence over it. The only thing I think I canpretty confidently claim is that both of the Gs partners aren’t all too fond ofher. You always see them separate from her on the gigs they do happen to attendtogether, and I haven’t seen them interact even once on Camp where there wereplenty of opportunities for them to do so.Besides that, everyone else is honestly still a damn mystery to me. All the wayfrom Bill and Andreas, to the Gs themselves – I still have no idea if they’rereally just that dumb to not noticethe very clear toxic patterns she is exhibiting, or if they just choose toignore the matter and let it slide again and again because Tom is, as of now,pretty much untouchable when it comes to the topic of her. Anon, I’m honestly dumbfounded, when it comes to this, Ireally am. Because even though I have pretty solid theories as to how Tom endedup being in this situation he’s in, I have still yet to find explanations forothers to not point out how disturbing it all is in retrospective.My options? They’re either:a) all just as manipulated as he is,b) all really lacking in the department of any sort of emotional intelligenceorc) their hands are actually tied, as they let him ride off his inexplicable exhilaration.But let’s be honest, what are the chances that everyone is faling for her tricks? What are the chances that everyone is emotionally backwards? My bet is that at least someone is seeing what’s going on here, but they just can’t do shit because Tom is so set to be stuck in his idealism.While we’re at this “undying euphoria” of his, can you just let me quicklybarge in with a major pet peeve I’m experiencing with Tom recently? Namely thefact of how he keeps glorifying Heidi as his “one and only true love,” and “somethingthat’s never happened to me before” and all the talk about how “the happiestday of his life is yet to come”. Ex-fucking-cuse me? I love Tom’s not-all-that-quirky-little-twelve-year-old-humorpersonality he pulls sometimes, but exclaiming all that just makes him seem beyond childish. In a way that is, to mepersonally, just very unpleasant. Irealize that he might have been fucked over and hurt more than we can possibly imagine,but to claim so impulsively and nonchalantly that “this is the first time he’sever been in love,” while being in a longass relationship before and even marryingbefore is just beyond disturbing. You can never take lessons from yourpast if you don’t learn to accept it, and this gives me all the more proof thatTom never really did processwhatever has happened between him and his ex-wife (which honestly doesn’t comeas a surprise). I’m stuck between being disappointed, because I though he hadit in him to work through his demons, sad for him that he doesn’t seem to havethe ability to do any sort of soul-searching, and just plain angry that he hasthe audacity to just ignore such a huge chunk of his life as if it didn’thappen whatsoever. Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I guess I might touch up on the fact thatshe4. SEEMS TO BE RANDOMLY INTRUDING VARIOUS Q&ASWhich people surprisingly also seem to be “okay with,” simply because the Gs’partners are both also sometimes present. Well guess what, even when the othertwo are listening in to a Q&A, it really isn’t the most professional. But atleast they have the decency to notshowcase a moment that was meant to be private to 6 million people. Weunderstand, the mighty Klum is above the petty rules of the peasants, no need to keep on ruining the only possibleprivate moments fans ever get to have with the band. ��But what’s beenruined? You still get your Q&A, you still get your picture, what are youcomplaining about?” I hear people ask. I mean, first of all – the picture to meis just a little extra cherry on top which I can totally live without anyway(especially if it’s a solo one, seeing how they are really pressed about group picturesthis time around, and that’s the only one actually worth having in my book). Theactual reason for which I’m buying these VIPs are the Q&As. I love to talkto the guys, and I love it when they are raw, and completely unfiltered, anduncensored, and sincere with their fans, and when their appreciation for usactually sitting there and giving them good conversations comes through. Throw in a Heidi, and what do you get? Do peoplereally think their answers wouldn’t sway from what they could have been withouther presence? Do people really think Tom would be as genuine in his answers ifshe’d be lurking from the shadows? Do people really think she wouldn’t start pullingtheir attention from fans towards her eventually if she so wished? I’ve seen ithappen once on Camp, so I’ve no doubt she’d do it again if she simply felt likeit. And that’s just purely a no-go. Let them work. It’s half an hour of a day.Let the fans have their moment with their favorite artist. Stop intrusively insertingyourself in every situation that is humanly possible of inserting yourselfinto. This fandom doesn’t care about you. Get over yourself.I bet I’ll be able to give you way more emotionally charged info in that regardafter Saturday, where she’s almost bound to make a scene, seeing how it’s herbirthday.Ah, Saturday. A thought that should genuinely excite me. A Tokio Hotel concert,a meet and greet even! Tomorrow! Precious moments with the band that I’ve beenfollowing for more than half of my lifenow. Meeting people that have inspired me to become what I am, taught methat being me is enough.And so tell me, why do I feel anxiousnesswhere there should be happiness? Whyis my first thought “oh no,” instead of “fuck yes”? Why do I just keep thinkinghow “I don’t want this to be made into a random circus about a random assperson,” and how I desperately “crave to simply enjoy my show, with my music,and my band, nothing else”. What is the reason behind me being concerned about going to a TH concertinstead of being out of this worldexcited to the point of denial as I’ve always been?Well, your answer has a name and a surname. And she’s pushing this fandomfurther away from the band, one person at a time.I won’t even go into the stealing a M&G photo and editing out the fan part.I’m exhausted. If by now people haven’t caught up on her sheer deranged stateof mind, then it’s beyond me. All I can ask of you now, anon, is to cross yourfingers for me, and hope that I end up this tour on that same high note that Iwanted it to end, even if I picked the utmost worst date to do so. And crossthem then some further, in case it all goes south and they bring her out onstage and want to make me sing happy birthday to her, making everyone feelactually obliged and required to give two flying fucks about her. Because then,I’ll need all the willpower in the world to not get drunk and just tell themoff, speaking honestly about how what they’re doing is plain unprofessional,and that I want my 4 member band back, because I never fucking signed up for a5th one.Sorry if this is too much of a mess or didn’t exactly go into any psychological-research if that’s what you were expecting. If you have further sub-questions (want me to further elaborate on the manipulative behavior maybe), or want me to have a go at specifically just the parent issue, do let me know, and I’ll be sure to give it some more thought and answer further. But right now, it just really felt good to vent, so thanks for giving me that opportunity nonnie! And thank you for appreciating my posts!

#really thank you so much for sending this ask #(and to actually care enough to ask for my opinion lol)#but yeah trust me I really needed to get this off my chest #because at some point in Munich I've found myself angry crying over ''my band being ruined by a random ass bitch'' lol #whatever hopes I had for her to end up not being toxic just disappeared down the drain #anonymous

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meditatemoremedicateless · 6 years

Text

Dear Kate, (I couldn’t get her out of My mind)

Fandom: Life is Strange

Pairings: Chasemarsh, ambermarsh

Major tags: fluff, angst, possession

Words: ~ 6,800

Summary: Kate has a horrendous Thanksgiving with her family, interrupted by some nice pictures from Victoria’s bathroom. She runs into Chloe Price and Rose Amber and joins them for a smoke.

Read the full story on AO3

Dear Kate,

Happy Thanksgiving! I can't be totally sure you're going to be the one to wake up, but I'm praying you will be LOL! I've been reading and re-reading your notes on the fam so I can say the right stuff. For instance, I won't call out Aunt Martha for being a raging homophobe, I WILL ask Lynn about soccer, etc. I'm gonna kill it. I'm great with parents! Probably.

I had our study date with Stella, and everything went fine. I said I'd try and be careful with the addys and it was just a bad week and she relaxed. I think maybe the reason she was avoiding you was because she was dealing, and she'd feel judged if you found out? She didn't really say but those are the vibes I got from her.

I got an 'A' on the Brothers K essay! I left it on the desk so you could read it if you'd like, maybe throw some of my clever points out in class when you get back ;) No need to thank me. Unless you want to, in which case you can buy me something off my wishlist on Amazon.

Speaking of which, I was thinking we could do some sort of gift exchange before we head home for Christmas. Dana wants to do a secret santa and I signed us up, I hope that's okay. But I'd also like to get you some stuff. Can you think of any way we could buy each other gifts without the other knowing about it? I'm thinking I'll just literally bring gift bags with me when I go shopping so you don't have a chance to wake up before I get them wrapped lol. Lastly, I wanted to buy some of the girls in the dorm HP scarves. I'm thinking Alyssa - Ravenclaw, Stella - Slytherin, Max - Hufflepuff/Gryffindor, Dana - Hufflepuff, Juliet - Ravenclaw, Taylor - Slytherin, Courtney - Slytherin/Ravenclaw? Honestly I don't know them that well and I literally have no idea how long it's been since I've read HP so I might be off-base.

@your story about Vic and the porn: THAT IS AMAZING HOLY SHIT. Like I'm sorry I woke her up (I was a little wacked out that week, my bad lol) but that's so funny. I can't believe she worked up the guts to yell at you. I think I'd strangle me for waking me up that early if I was her.

I know this is a little dark but I wish I could spend Thanksgiving with my family. Or, at least, I wish I knew if I'd like them enough to spend it with them. Your family seems great but the holidays seem depressing AF honestly. I really hope it's you tomorrow, not me. I'm probably going to cry or some shit if that happens. I wonder what I'll even do if I get to meet them.

Last thing: I've discovered that I'm actually pretty good at singing?? which I did not expect. You never told me! So I jammed out with Max a little and it was really cool and fun and she brought up the possibility of doing covers on Youtube. It would probably be at least a kind of ongoing thing so . . . do you think you'd be up for it? I know things are a little weird between you two rn, and I don't know if you sing, so I thought I'd ask.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family.

X O X O ~ Katie

Kate let herself have a smile. It was so much less frightening to wake up with time lost as long as one of these notes was there.

Thanksgiving with the Marsh family this year was at Aunt Martha's, like it is most years, even though it's much smaller than what Kate's family had. Mobility was a pretty continual issue for her, so she stayed home unless she absolutely had to, and Kate's mom did the best she could to make sure she wouldn't have to. Aunt Martha was a miserable middle-aged woman whose husband had died too young while her bones withered away from tumors that, by most estimations, should have killed her. She was exactly the sort of person that Kate had been taught to sympathize with, to help selflessly. But, try as she might, Kate hated her, hated that suffering had made her so insufferable, and hated that there was absolutely nothing Kate could do that she thought was of any value.

As Kate sat in the living room on a couch across from Aunt Martha's chair, she wondered what Martha would have to say if she knew Kate had sex with women, or that there was the spirit of a dead girl that made her do evil things living inside her. If wanting to be a children's author and a vegan was too much disappointment for her, what would that do to her poor, fragile heart? Maybe it would be too much for her, and Kate would never have to spend another holiday in this musty house.

Kate had been having more trouble keeping her misanthropic thoughts out of her head since she'd been putting herself together. That, apparently, was the price of letting yourself fall apart. Or abusing drugs, it wasn't totally clear which.

"So, Katie, tell me how school's going. You're a senior, aren't'cha?"

Kate nodded. It was the same few questions every year.

"Where are you applying to college?"

Kate sighed. "I'm not. Blackwell has a two-year program for seniors, and I'm taking college credit there."

"Oh, I see." She paused, but Kate could already feel the next question coming. Aunt Martha didn't disappoint: "But why stay there when you could go to a real college?"

Kate bit back the sarcasm that wanted to rise inside her. "Because most universities don't have a career-oriented program for English majors, nevermind for people who want to do what I want to do."

"Mm, right," Aunt Martha replied, nodding her head as she remembered. "Children's books, right? It hardly seems like you need a college degree forthat. Or . . . is that the point?"

God, not this again. Why did Kate's family think that her desire to go to university was some cloaked attempt to be unsupervised around boys? When had she ever needed supervision to stay away from boys? Kate's eyes narrowed; "I'm not planning on finding a husband in college, if that's what you mean," she said.

This was always a sore subject between them, because that is precisely what Aunt Martha had done, and what Kate's own parents had done. Her insistence that she wouldn't do the same at least only came off as stubbornly independent to her mom, but to Aunt Martha, it was like it was an insult, like Kate thought she was better than her because she needed a man less.

Aunt Martha seemed to sense the tension, and she laughed. "No, of course not. I suspect we'll be waiting a while before we find a man who can keep up with you. I can't imagine an English department will have many boys ready to ask a girl like you out."

Kate bunched up her skirt in her fists, her leg bouncing up and down as a vent for her irritation. She wished Mom and Dad would call her in to help with Thanksgiving dinner, but the kitchen was small and Kate was, honestly, a terrible cook, so they never did now that she was old enough to only be called on when she was needed.

Aunt Martha was always like this. She didn't insist, like Mom did, that Kate had been taken in by the hairy feminists who insisted on women doing everything men can do to make themselves feel better for being unable to have a happy family. No, Aunt Martha had almost always seemed to recognize that there would never be a point where Kate would agree with her vision of a good life. She just thought Kate was tragically stupid. That Kate thought the world could give her something that a good family couldn't find by the grace of God. She thought Kate was materialistic, naive, and most of all, unwanted. And Kate couldn't help but hate her for it.

"So, sweetie, how is the abstinence club going?"

Kate choked on a bite of shepard's pie, the only thing she could really eat on the table because she'd made it herself. It took a few seconds of hitting her chest with her hand before she felt like she could safely breathe again, and everyone looked at her with concern.

Kate shook her head to regain her bearings. "Um. Yeah, it's doing really good. There's not a lot of people in it, but it's very supportive. We have movie nights in the dorms and watch documentaries. It's good."

Dad looked from his food, concern clearly written on his face. "Are kids still giving you trouble about it? I know you said there were some girls being mean about it."

"Aha. Yeah," Kate said, nervously brushing some loose strands of hair behind her ear. "I think they got bored. Bullies, you know, they just like to get a rise out of you, so." Kate returned to trying to eat her food.

Kate hated talking about bullying, but she hated it twice as much with Lynn and Katrina listening. She always wanted them to believe that people were kind to Kate, and that she was kind to them. She wanted them to think that being kind would pay off. Not everyone was ready to accept that people are cruel, and you can't make them stop with kindness. Certainly not at their age. She also seriously didn't want to talk about the abstinence club, because if she let it slip that the membership was half Muslim and that the facilitator (Kate) wasn't even abstinent, this Thanksgiving dinner would completely implode.

Kate decided to take things into her own hands and change the conversation. "Lynn! How's soccer been?"

Lynn shrugged. "It's okay. It's not as fun anymore since we started being ranked, though."

Aunt Martha seemed amused. "You still get trophies for playing, though, don't you?"

Lynn seemed both taken aback and confused. She couldn't understand why the question was loaded - it's not like she watched the news or spent much time on the internet.

So, Kate interjected on her behalf, "I get that. I don't like competing, either, it kind of spoils the fun."

Lynn nodded, but Aunt Martha just raised her eyebrows. At the very least, she didn't say anything in response, just returned to her food.

Kate's phone buzzed. It would be rude to check it during dinner . . . but she just really didn't want to focus on dinner right now.

Victoria: Does your Thanksgiving suck as much as mine rn?

Kate smirked, settling her phone on her leg. She was careful with a touch screen - she didn't need to look to type, especially thanks to auto-correct.

Kate: more. Kate: my dad just asked about the abstinence club

"Kat?" Kate asked. Her sister gave her a glance. "How's robotics?"

"I quit."

Now that was something shocking. And disheartening. "But you love robotics," she replied.

Katrina seemed to think it over for a second, then shrugged slowly. Kate knew, of course, that Mom had always hated that Kat was so involved with robotics - it kept her out of the house for hours after school, and competitions often took her away for weekends and demanded even more hours away from home from her. Just like Kate had thrown herself at service projects and youth programs to stay out of the house, Katrina had been well on her way to becoming a professional right out of high school thanks to years on the Robotics team. Kat didn't really want to make a career out of it, though, and Mom had never understood putting so much time into developing skills you weren't going to use. If she knew her kids were doing it to stay away from her, she was just spiteful about it.

Victoria: wow Victoria: My family's just getting hammered because they can't stand talking to each other Victoria: You win though

Kate: thanks i know Kate: also they asked if you were bullying me still

Mom was the next one to speak up. "Oh, Katie. Maria Anderson sent me a copy of your school newspaper. You didn't tell us you had won a photography competition, sweetie. In LA, that's so exciting!"

"Oh. Yeah. I guess I just forgot, I'm sorry. I've been really busy with school this semester." And the competition was in San Francisco.

Now Dad chimed in. "Have you been getting more involved with photography? I know you were unsure about it when you signed up."

Kate thought about it for a second, then nodded. She took a bite of shepard's pie, and the conversation halted, waiting for a better reply. "Yeah, actually. I'm the photography professor's student aide, and one of my friends is actually going there just to study photography."

Mom seemed intrigued. "Oh? The fashion photography celebrity from the pamphlet?"

Kate nodded affirmative.

"Well, that's exciting!"

Kate shrugged. "I guess. He's kind of self-important in real life, though."

Dad snorted. Then he said, "Well, I guess once you get famous, it's easy to get like that."

"I guess."

Victoria: Oh? bullying you? Victoria: What did you tell them?

Kate: i mean you were totally bullying me Kate: i just said everyone got bored bullying me because you can't get a rise out of me

Victoria: roflmao

It was several minutes before Kate got the next message from Victoria

Victoria: You're right. I should probably make it up to you. Victoria: So you're still at the dinner table, right? Now would be a horrible time to get caught doing something terribly un-Christian?

Kate: i mean, yeah?????

Victoria: You probably shouldn't open up your messages again for a while, then.

Kate had absolutely no idea what that meant. Or did she know what it meant, just not believe it could possibly be happening? Even when her phone buzzed again, she thought the idea was so ridiculous, she must be getting ahead of herself and-

Nope.

Victoria had sent her a picture without a shirt on, leaning against the door of what appeared to be a pristine bathroom. Her skirt was pulled down just enough to expose her underwear, which was pink and it matched her bra and-

Kate dropped her phone. It startled her a lot worse than everyone, but it startled everyone.

"Oh, sorry," she said, retrieving her phone from the floor.

"Katie, put your phone away at the dinner table," her mother admonished.

There was a second photo now. Now it was a selfie instead of a mirror photo, with Victoria sitting on the counter beside the sink. Her skirt was pulled all the way down to her ankles now, and the angle somehow managed to get her eyes and collar bone and breasts in good lighting. Victoria really knew how to use a phone camera.

"Mhm," Kate said, slipping her phone in her pocket.

She could barely eat after that, and she dropped her fork several times.

Kate decided to go for a walk after dinner, which she had done nearly every Thanksgiving in the past years, though not previously to text girls sending her bathroom selfies.

Kate: WTF!! Kate: I was with my family!

Victoria: I invited you not to look.

Kate: You call THAT inviting me not to look?

Victoria: You're the one who looked.

Kate: That's gross logic. Victim blaming.

Victoria: Oh? So you didn't like them?

Kate's jaw felt rigid for some reason, like she was holding back a scream. She was walking awfully fast down the sidewalk, making her way towards the wealthier part of the suburbs.

Kate: That is not the conversation we're having. Kate: No bathroom selfies without warning. Illegal!

Victoria: But . . . bathroom selfies are okay, then?

Kate decided to reply to that question with another question: a random handful of emojis followed by a question mark emoji.

Victoria: God you're such a lesbian

Kate felt a tingle run down her spine just reading the word. She'd always felt like her liking women and her being a lesbian were two totally different ideas. She couldn't help the first one. But the second one always felt like she had to do something, be someone she wasn't to earn it. She believed she had soundly rejected the life 'lesbian' implied to her. But now, here she was. A lesbian after all.

Kate: You know you're the first person to call me that without meaning to be mean.

Victoria: Yeah, I'm not a tool.

Kate could tell she was in the richer part of the suburbs now by how much better-lit the streets were. The roads looked recently paved, the lawns recently trimmed. It was the sort of upkeep you could only really afford if you had someone else do it for you.

Kate: Hey so I have a weird favor to ask

Victoria: Need me to slash someone's tires?

Kate: No? Kate: Why? Is that a thing people really do? Kate: Could you get me a vibrator?

Victoria: That's literally not weird at all, one Victoria: Two, this implies that you were making those godforsaken noises thanks to your HAND? Victoria: I'll get you a vibrator AND a gag

Kate: Hey, you know, I actually feel really weird about all of this. LIke, all of it. Like what is going on right now. Like how did we have sex? And how are you flirting with me right now? None of this makes any sense.

Victoria: you're telling me Victoria: I'd like to say I'm not questioning it, but I'm not actually the sort of girl who can not question anything, lol Victoria: But if I remember correctly, you had a nervous breakdown and then seduced me? Victoria: And I'm honestly surprised you can even recognize flirting Victoria: What with you being a founding member of the school's abstinence club

Kate: I guess I'm just totally losing my sense of identity and replacing it with lesbianism

Victoria: yikes Victoria: but also nice - solid improvement Victoria: no offense

Kate laughed. That was right, wasn't it? If Kate was still who she had been at the start of the month, Victoria wouldn't be flirting with her and sending her sexy pictures during Thanksgiving dinner. If Kate was still who she had been at the start of summer, someone who never would have kissed Victoria just to mess with her, then Victoria would still be mocking her, defacing her club posters right in front of her, just shitting on her at every turn. The only reason Victoria was treating her nicely was because she changed. The Kate that Kate still thought of as herself, the version of her that she was just on vacation from and would be again one day, she would never be in this situation. Victoria didn't like Kate. She liked whatever mangled version of her this was.

Kate: None taken. Kate: You're not exactly regular-me's type, anyway

Victoria: Wow, savage much? Victoria: You don't think I'm cute?

Kate: Oh you are Kate: I just like nice people

Victoria: haha! Victoria: That's fair Victoria: So who do you like? You know, normally.

Kate: I feel like you seriously do not comprehend the Christian + Lesbian experience

Victoria: Try me.

God. Was she seriously going to talk to Victoria about this? Of all people? Then again, who else did she have? Katie? How would Katie possibly understand? She'd never been interested in Kate's chastity vows. She would have broken them if Kate hadn't first. The way she always talked about which girls were cute and who Kate should date with absolutely no regard for how much it hurt her? Katie was just a fundamentally different person. Restraint just wasn't written into her personality.

Kate: OK fine Kate: I literally monitor myself to make sure I don't develop feelings for anyone Kate: Because there is no version of that that isn't a disaster. Kate: Step one, like a person. Based on my inclinations, probably a girl. Oops. Put on the brakes. Kate: Step two, date a person. I took vows. And I took them knowing it wasn't going to be easy. I don't think I could ever be close enough with someone to call it dating and not be tempted. Oops. Put on the brakes. Kate: Step three. Fall in love. But I'm not going to be sticking around here. I'm going to go off to college and I don't really plan on coming back. Fall for someone in college? We just break up or get married and those are samely awful because marriage is a sham that helps reinforce white supremacy in America and marriage is only going to distract me from getting through my education. And hey, getting dumped sounds pretty bad, too. Oops. Put on the brakes. Kate: So I don't "like" anyone normally. It can't be anything but a train wreck.

Victoria never seemed to start a message and not finish it within seconds. She was sure of what she wanted to say before she even tried to say it. You can see indecision in those little "..." that pop up on your phone, and Victoria's lasted longer than Kate expected.

Victoria: ... but you like me?

Dammit. Kate had said that, hadn't she? For Katie's sake. So Katie wouldn't be lonely. Of course. That's really why this was all happening, wasn't it? Because Kate told a little white lie in hopes of helping someone?

Kate: For now.

It was curt. It was mean, and honestly, probably a little degrading. But Kate sent it anyway. Victoria was quick to respond.

Victoria: I can live with that. But I have to tell you, I think your brakes might be broken.

That's not all that's broken. The thought made Kate smile, but it also hurt like a hole had been made in her lung.

Kate wished she could explain her situation. She wished she could explain that she never meant to take Adderall, she never meant to kiss Victoria, she never meant to do anything but keep living her closed-off, secure, closeted life, but that the choice had been taken from her. She wished she could explain that she only let the thought of having sex with Victoria be anything more than the most passing, unwelcome fantasy because she wanted to get back at an invader in her own body. She wished she could be cruel and tell Victoria that she wasn't as special as she must think she is, because absolutely none of this was about her. She was just the girl around when any would have done (any girl she didn't fear falling in love with, at least). Victoria thought she'd taken advantage of Kate - she even apologized for it the next day. The thought hadn't even seemed to occur to her that she was the one being taken advantage of.

But, in the end, Kate had to admit she was having fun.

Kate: Send me another photo.

Victoria didn't text back. Kate was fairly convinced that was because she was listening, and here in a few minutes she'd have a new picture of Victoria to titillate her for absolutely no reason other than she wanted it. Victoria, as bossy as she was, liked being told what to do. Kate had never felt the impulse to obey. She wondered how easy it would have been for her to keep living her life as planned if she didn't have to struggle every step of the way against herself. If only obedience was as easy for her as it was for Victoria.

Out of the corner of her eye, Kate saw something that had haunted her dreams. Something that had always seemed far away, ephemeral, not really part of the same world that Kate lived in, sort of like Katie. No matter how much she'd seen it, she never really thought of it as something real.

The girl with the blue hair stood on the porch of one of the nicest houses on the street beside a short, black-haired woman. They each had a cigarette in their mouths, chatting amicably after a Thanksgiving dinner. Chloe Price: The girl of Kate Marsh's dreams. How strange it was that they'd never talked.

Finally, Chloe caught Kate standing there next to the driveway, looking at her with wide eyes of wonder and, frankly, fear.

"Yo!" she called. "Is that Kate Marsh?"

Kate just blinked. Of course. Of course they had met, and Kate just didn't remember. "Chloe Price?" she called, knowing full well the answer.

"Sup?! Wanna bum another cigarette?"

Another cigarette? Looks like that was another thing Kate didn't know she'd been doing. "Sure," she replied, and walked up the unfamiliar driveway to stand on the porch with Chloe and the unfamiliar woman.

"Hi, I'm Kate," she said, offering a hand to the Unfamiliar Woman.

"Rose," the woman replied as she shook Kate's hand, a wry smile on her face. "A friend of yours I take it, Chloe?" Rose asked before taking another drag from her cigarette. Kate absolutely hated the smoke from cigarettes. She was resolved to put it in her lungs.

Chloe nodded with a smile. "You can take it all the way to the bank. Kate here is an art student at Blackwell and co-friend to one Max Caulfield. She plays the violin beautifully and assists Mark Jefferson, fashion photographer and total hottie, as his class aide."

Kate had absolutely no idea how Chloe could possibly know all this stuff about her when all Kate knew about Chloe was that she ate at the Two Whales diner sometimes, and she didn't exactly have definitive proof of that, either.

"Well, Chloe, that's quite an impressive introduction-"

"-Thank you Mrs. Amber-"

"- But maybe Kate should get to talk about herself instead? And maybe you should light her cigarette, as she clearly doesn't have a light."

"My bad."

Kate held the cigarette in her mouth, bracing herself for what was to come. Chloe lit the cigarette and Kate inhaled and it felt like death and Kate immediately began to choke and cough.

Chloe pointed at Kate with her cigarette between her fingers. "You see, she keeps telling me she's a smoker, but I think she's just flirting with me."

Here Kate was, having one of the worst cardiovascular experiences of her life, and there Chloe was, making jokes at her expense like they were close friends. What in the actual goddamn?

"Are you alright, hun?" Rose asked as Kate managed to finally get a lungful of clean air. She nodded, not really aiming to talk so soon after embarrassing herself.

"Well, then, I hear-" she gave a pointed stare at Chloe, who just smirked before putting the cigarette back in her mouth, "- that you've taken over my daughter's TA position. How is that going for you?"

Wait, what?

"Rose . . . Amber," Kate mumbled, fitting the pieces together. Her eyes flicked up to Rose's face, wide with shock. "You're Rachel's mom."

Rose nodded. "That I am. Or I was, when she was still interested in having a mother." There was clear frustration in her face as she said it, but it cleared up a moment later. She shot Kate an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't say things like that in front of a stranger."

Chloe waved it off. "Nah, don't worry about it. She's heard me say worse. Katie here has been helping Max and me with some . . . extracurricular activities lately."

"I . . . have?" Kate asked. But Chloe said it without hesitation, she couldn't just be making it up, could she? "I mean, I have been, yeah," she corrected.

Rose conceded the point but still said, "Forgive me, Kate. It's our first big holiday without Rachel home and I'm . . . being bitter."

Chloe cracked a smile, snapping a finger gun at Rose. "And a little drunk!"

Rose rolled her eyes. "Yes, all right, and a little drunk. But mostly bitter."

"I'm . . . sorry, that must be so hard for you."

Kate suddenly felt stripped bare, exposed in an unusual way. She felt ashamed for the petty ways she'd been acting the past few days. There were people outside of her life, outside of her head who were having real problems, real concerns, and they still seemed to hold it together. Somewhere in the past few weeks of struggling against herself and abandoning all responsibility, the missing persons posters that littered her school had all become invisible, and she had forgotten that she missed Rachel, that she should care that Rachel was gone. Some people, though, didn't have the luxury of forgetting just because other things were going on.

"Yes . . . yes I suppose it is," Rose said, a faraway look in her eye as the embers of her cigarette glowed bright. She extinguished her cigarette on an ash tray left out on the deck railing and sighed. "I think some part of me thought she'd come home for the holidays. That she didn't . . . I don't know what it means."

The implication, though, hung in the air between them, a miasma worse than the cigarette smoke. Kate and Chloe both took a drag from their cigarettes to try and distract themselves from the thought of Rachel dead and buried somewhere, though the lack of oxygen and ensuing coughing fit did a much better job at distracting Kate than the nicotine.

After a moment, Rose said, "Well, I'm going to head inside. The Chardonnay isn't going to drink itself, I'm afraid." As she turned towards the door, she clapped a hand on Chloe's shoulder. "Just come in when you're ready."

Chloe nodded with a good-natured smile, and then Rose went inside.

Kate raised her cigarette again, but hesitated before it reached her mouth. Chloe laughed, and Kate tilted her head in confusion. "You don't have to smoke it, dude. Like in all seriousness, you should quit while you're ahead."

Kate pulled the cigarette away from her mouth and stared at it for a second. She considered smoking it just to be obstinate, but, honestly, the shtick was getting old for her. There were parts of 'no responsibilities' that she liked, but smoking was not one of them.

"Yeah, you're right." Kate extinguished her cigarette and leaned on the railing opposite of where Chloe stood.

"So, Chloe Price," Kate started, folding her hands in front of her. "You seem to know a lot about me. What's there to know about you?"

Chloe looked pleased at the prospect of talking about herself, and held her cigarette at her side once she'd finished what looked like the last of it. She blew up, trying to keep it out of Kate's face.

"Well, Katie, I'm nineteen years old, a natural blonde, my favorite color is blue and I like long, romantic walks on the beach. Oh, and I'm chainsmoking outside of my best friend's house to distract myself from the most depressing Thanksgiving I've ever had, and let me tell you, I've had some bad ones."

As much as Kate might like to ask about that, there was something far more interesting to her: "So, you and Rachel were close?"

Chloe quirked her eyebrows. "Was it the hundred or so missing persons posters or the breaking into your principal's office? Thanks, by the way."

Kate blinked. "For what?"

Now it was Chloe's turn to look confused. "For the . . . key to Wells's office? Max and I couldn't have done it without you, seriously."

I helped them break into Wells office? Katie, what are you getting yourself into here? Chloe doesn't know that you don't know what happened. Just stay cool and be vague.

"Oh, right, totally. Did you find what you were looking for?"

Chloe shrugged, tilting her hand back and forth to answer, 'eh.' "Kinda," she said. "Figured out that Nathan's a psycho, not that was news to anyone. Couldn't find Rachel's file though, which was shady as fuck considering they still had mine, but it didn't exactly leave us a lot to go on."

"Hmm. That's too bad."

Chloe nodded, then finally reached over to drop her cigarette butt on the ash tray. "We'll keep you posted. Anyway, how was your Thanksgiving?"

"Uhhh," Kate had no idea. It was a disaster, like it always was, but that wasn't really what stuck out in her mind. "It was . . . bad."

"How so?"

Chloe was not part of Kate's life. She was friends with Max, who Kate was friends with, so their spheres were not entirely divorced. But, obviously, Chloe was trusting Kate with something important, even if she had no idea what it was. Despite her rational inhibition, Kate got the feeling that Chloe was somebody that she could trust. And also probably a lesbian, judging from the rainbow shirt she wore in her profile picture on Facebook. Maybe this was the closest Kate would have to somebody she could tell about her fucked up situation.

"Well. For one, my parents asked about my abstinence club."

"Oh yeah, Max mentioned that you were in that. Why's that bad?"

Kate crossed her arms over her chest. "You promise not to tell Max?"

"Uh, yeah, sure . . ." Chloe looked both concerned and also overwhelmingly curious. "Why?"

"Well, I had sex last week."

Chloe said absolutely nothing at first. Her expression changed very slowly from concern to confusion to shock to understanding.

"Yeah, that seems like that'd be a weird conversation, then. Especially if - wait. Like, your first time?"

Kate nodded.

Chloe held her hand up in the air, "Eyyy, nice one!" She didn't drop it when Kate only stared at her hand, but after a second she seemed to realize the issue. "May-be? Are you happy about that? I don't know how the whole . . . abstinence thing works."

Kate giggled a little, then raised her hand for a high five. Chloe complied quickly, hitting her hand so hard that it gave a satisfying clap, although it also hurt like hell. Kate shook her hand to restore the feeling in her palm.

"So? Blackwell kid I know? Who's the lucky g-..." Chloe froze, inspecting Kate quickly and in no way subtly. "Yeah, I'm going to need you to help me out here - your sexuality's a little hard for me to suss out here."

Kate, despite herself, was growing fond of all these girls who, whatever else they thought, could distinctly sense that Kate was not-straight. After being friends with Alyssa, Stella, and Dana for a year, it was nice to experience a sense of normality. Not that she blamed them for the heteronormativity, really, it's just that everyone took her disinterest in relationships as some sort of shy girl shell that romance would one day crack. They thought she asked not to be touched because contact was uncomfortable for her. Even Alyssa, who was in the abstinence club too, never seemed to consider that relationships and touch alike were something Kate craved, and that is precisely why she said no.

"She's a girl. And you probably know her, so I feel like I shouldn't say."

"Ugh. Fine. But you're leaving me with some real gossip blue balls here, you know."

Kate gagged at that whole comment. "Gross. But, anyway, not only did I nearly die because I had to talk about the club, but then she goes and sends me pictures of her in her underwear during dinner-"

"-nice; continue-"

"- and I'm, you know, a bit new at this, so I lose my cool a little bit, nearly trip and stab my own neck with a fork, that sort of thing. So the whole dinner basically sucked."

"Reasonable, reasonable." Chloe paused to think for a second and then added, "Is it by any chance Victoria?"

Kate can't even muster up a facial reaction for how off-guard she was for that comment. "H-how did you-"

"Oh my god - holy shit! You had-"

"Ssshhh!"

Chloe had the biggest, goofiest grin on her face. "You had sex with Victoria Chase? Nice one, dude! I tried negging her for like two years, never went anywhere."

That left Kate a little more guarded, but mostly awkward. "I mean, yeah, because that's gross and misogynistic. Have you tried, I don't know, not doing that?"

"Pfft." Chloe considered it. "Yeah. I mean, no, not with Victoria, but like, in general. Why, what'd you do?"

"I-" Kate thought about what she had done, precisely. Had an emotional meltdown? Probably wasn't what did it. Just sort of grabbed her and kissed her? That actually sounds closer to sexual assault and definitely not something she was about to advise Chloe to do. What had actually, you know, worked? "I - uh." Kate's skin flushed red the more she thought about it. No, no, Chloe wasn't asking about those things, that was what probably made the sex continue, not start. Honestly, why should she even tell Chloe? What was it about this weird girl with beautiful arms that made Kate want to impress her?

"I - I dunno. I just. Kinda. Asked if she wanted to make me orgasm I guess?"

Chloe's shock looked both real and performative in its intensity. "Literally? How do you have so much game? You're like 5'5" and cute as a button."

Kate had been getting the impression throughout the conversation that Chloe was flirting with her. Now she was sure of it, and it was doing absolutely nothing to help her feel less embarrassed and overstimulated by this situation.

Kate reached up and scratched her head. The wind and walking had loosened a lot of her hair from its bun and now tufts of it were uncomfortably stuck in bobby pins, over her ears, and otherwise making nuisances of themselves. "But I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell Max about any of this. I don't want her to think less of me."

Chloe held her hands up. "Hey, I won't, but she's also not one to slut-sh-"

"It's not about that. I just . . . don't want her to know."

The look Chloe gave her was awfully suggestive, but she didn't pursue the topic further. "Well, all right, that's fine with me. I think I'm going to head inside, though, it's getting kind of cold for me. You good getting home?"

"Oh yeah I'm . . . uh . . ." Kate looked down the road that she'd come from. It wasn't familiar. She didn't normally walk this far - she must have been gone for over an hour by now.

"Want a ride?"

Kate didn't have to ask which car was hers - it stuck out like a sore thumb in this neighborhood. Still, Kate got the feeling that yes, she really did want a ride.

"Nice truck," Kate said as she looked back at Chloe. To her own total lack of surprise, she caught Chloe checking her out - she switched to a pleasant smile as soon as possible, but it was still a fraction of a second too late. "Sure, I'd like that."

Chloe grinned again, and the devil there in Kate's heart woke up. Kate could see the scene in front of her just like she had with Victoria. If she wanted to, right now, she could probably have sex with Chloe. They could go for a ride a little past where Kate was supposed to get home, where the street lights weren't so frequent and everyone just parked where they could along the side of the road. There wasn't really enough room in the truck to do the sorts of things she had Victoria had done by the looks of it, but Kate liked the look of Chloe's arms and her hands, and she was pretty sure that would be enough to get her off. She had already promised not to tell Max. All she'd have to do is suggest it.

Kate's phone buzzed, and she broke the lingering eye contact between her and Chloe to check it. About half an hour ago there was a picture of Victoria lying on a large bed, her feet in the air and her face held up by a hand. She must have been using a selfie stick, because no one could get such a clear shot of their butt from above without one. Then, just now, there was a message.

Victoria: Did you literally die?

Kate laughed underneath her breath, but, honestly, she felt like she'd been kicked in the gut. What in the world was she doing? What gave her any right to take and use girls just because she wanted to? That's not who she was. And, more importantly, she knew that's not who she wanted to be. Orgasms and control were nice, but maybe they weren't worth giving up all of her integrity.

"C'mon, I'll take you home."

Kate: no, sorry, just got busy Kate: Maybe once we get back I could see more of that in person.

"Mmhmm, yeah. Thanks, Chloe."

Victoria: Maybe so.

Dear Katie,

Thanksgiving went fine. Aunt Martha was, as expected, unpleasant. Katrina dropped out of robotics (I blame Mom).

Kate paused there. How much should she explain? Everything was getting so complicated, and as much as she wanted to spite Katie sometimes, she very well might be the one in charge of Kate's body come the morning. At the very least, they should talk about how Katie got the key to Principal Wells's office. She should ask about what Max and Chloe were up to, and give Katie a heads-up that Chloe seemed to be into her. And she should probably explain what was happening with Victoria before things got any weirder.

It's been a long day. I think I'm going to just go to sleep. Try to get some homework done this weekend, and make sure you're nice to Katrina and Lynn. I don't know how you feel about kids but I love those two a lot.

I hope you have a good day,

Kate

Kate deleted all of her messages from Victoria before going to bed.

#dear kate #life is strange #before the storm #fan fiction #kate marsh #rachel amber #rose amber #victoria chase #ambermarsh #chasemarsh #possession #angst #fluff #serial

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