#even though i know its not black

[intomybubble]

the double page spread offers impact but i still cant tell what the look is supposed to actually look like based on the description

I literally can’t tell anything changed and this guy is supposed to be the “TOP” MUA in the series (at least for now but a lot of people look up to him)

#desiree talks #desiree reads #PLEASE THIS WOULD BE MORE IMPACTFUL IF I CAN SEE COLOR #all i can imagine is black eyeshadow #even though i know its not black #the other mua’s wasnt that interesting either #it had some fancy eyeliner and drew a big ass flower on her cheek #it was sorta henna style but #compared to his other makeup showed in flashbacks it looked boring

[gray-warden]

I just realized I never posted photos of this really pretty harvestman i came across a while back. Note the green pedipalps and the dark and light spots on its back.

#opiliones #arachnids #chelicerata #bugs #harvestman #bugblr #the light spots were a very light green iirc (it's been a while) but they just look white here #there's a photoset of a really cool harvestman going around and it reminded me of this one and i realized i never posted these pics #spider #(ik they arent spiders but i'm tagging it as that for blacklist purposes #bc i imagine that someone who's really scared of spiders probably doesnt care that actually opiliones are not spiders just close relatives) #i think its so cool how i didnt even know opiliones were a thing until a couple of years ago and now i see them all the time #turns out they're pretty common around here #(not that i never saw them before i mustve just assumed they were spiders) #theyre usually not as pretty as this one though #most of the ones i see are just black or dark brown #also i have a massive backlog of pictures ive never posted of bugs and other nature stuff #my stuff #my posts #outside tag #nature

[darubyprincx]

to be, or not to be (romanticization of the inevitable)

#ray's tag #keys' art #undescribed #skeletons #ok to reblog #the skeleton model that i traced for this was provided by the incredible kiku @kikunai whom you can find right here on tumblr! #so uh. This is a piece about chronic fatigue although the original idea i had for it drifted a bit as soon as I started coloring the linear #(i really enjoy shading and lighting things and got a bit carried away here but i stand by my choice because this is my favorite thing #that i've ever drawn) #anyways. i often feel especially lately with school being back in season that my bones are leaden with this sort of. weariness. theyre heav #it weighs on our mental health and energy a lot and although there's a couple of reasons we have been given for it #that doesn't remove the fact that this is still a thing that affects us in a very real way day to day although we are good at masking it. #often i come home to find that i do not have the physical mental or creative energy to work on things i really want to #especially project: nexus which i feel extra bad about even though i can't help it because i just started it so recently #it is a mild to moderate struggle to make it day to day and i just. wanted to represent this somehow #my original concept for this was a skeleton with some black goop gunk whatever leaking from its joints #but as i started adding the cracks and coloring them gold (a personal touch; kintsugi is a concept that is very dear to us) #i realized that the focus here was less on the condition itself and more on the body that it afflicts. #so i put it into a spotlight. #ironic i know since very little people acknowledge this irl or even know it exists at all but i added rim lighting. I added color gradients #I colored the lineart and made it all fancy and even added a flare for the head to get the point across that even at its core; disability i #a performance. this is not implying that disabilities are fake in fact this is the opposite of that. i wanted to show that with disabilitie #especially i think in my personal opinion the invisible ones #we are all masking at least a little bit during the vast majority of the day. humans are social creatures and it is only when we are alone #or with someone we deeply trust where we allow ourselves to be who we truly are without fear and even then that can be rare #so i wanted to show this bit of the soul in as broad a limelight as i could. idk this is a really abstract piece and i dont know if anyone #will even get it but it matters to me at least. and even though we've been largely bedridden for the past week i think that's okay #we will get it figured out. all of us. okay? okay. i love you. i fucking love you. we are going to fucking make it #(also the xes over the eyes are because i thought they looked cool they have no deeper meaning at least i think they dont #actually i think they do but i cant put it into words idk. Art is subjective assign your own meaning i'm gonna go get a shower)

[imperfectcourt]

Yes yes we've all thought about Andrew in glasses at some point but please consider

Matt in glasses

#aftg #matt boyd #black framed glasses and a cozy sweater 😌 #brought to you by this guy i keepcseeing in this commercial as one of the only irl faces ive seen before that matches how i picture matt #even though i cant really create images in my head i just..... KNOW what he looks like in my head if that makes sense lmao #it doesnt shut up you dingdong #i habitually skip the ad too quickly to even see what show its for but i THINK its for something on hulu #i gotta find this guy #but what if its only the clip that looks like him at that angle oh no

[no-light-left-on]

Jessamine's design has always intrigued me. the stark, full black suit and tall collar are pretty obvious status symbols. black was for the longest time an incredibly expensive colour of fabric due to how difficult it was to achieve proper rich blackness during the dyeing process and the collar, while most likely just a trend in Dunwall fashion inspired by the 1890s high collars can be read as lace, especially in some concept art, which is hard to care for and needs to be starched to hell and back to keep nice and stiff for a collar like that

but what I find a lot more curious about this is that the clothes appear very much inspired by Spanish renaissance fashion

which, honestly, would make sense with the real world inspiration. 19th century was obsessed with the past, with the romanticized medieval and renaissance times, and it was quite common to see fashion inspired by times long past (I mean, just look at Worth. the man invented haute couture and there is so much influence of medieval and Elisabethan fashion in his designs). it was also a thing for rich families to just kinda... invest in recreations of historical pieces of clothing and LARP in them.

Jessamine's clothes, in particular, reminded me of Spanish court dresses. especially of the portraits of Anne of Austria and Elisabeth of Valois

obsessed with those slit sleeves. too bad Jessamine didn't go the extra mile to have the sleeves hang long and heavy around her arms but they were more form fitting

there is also something to be said about the tall white (possibly starched lace) collar and the style of clasps used on her clothes

the mini cape thing she has on top is more similar to the style of capes worn by men in renaissance, but yeah, of course she reminded me of a Spanish princess when this is one of the most given example portraits for this style

I wonder if this was an intentional choice on the designer's side or if they were just inspired by the revivalism present in 19th century fashion. what really makes me consider that though is that one of her earlier designs has those sleeves much, Much more pronounced and obvious

oh the things that could have been...

still, it makes me wonder: if this was intentional, what does this tell us about Jessamine, and the history of the Isles themselves?

#dh #dishonored #jessamine kaldwin #fashion history posting #I am not normal about this gown #me and sin even had an au where her and corvo are part of a fashion history reenactment group #still I wonder. does she just like the style? or is she just a little insane about fashion history like I am? #bias admission I spent two years working on a comic that had its entire aesthetic based around renaissance and its 19th century revival #so I might be seeing things where there are none #either way you are welcome Ive been meaning to make this post for Months at this point #we dont know if artificial black dye was already a thing at the time of DH1 #another curious thing though! #since this is before silvergraphs were invented Jessamine wouldve been painted in a Particularly Nice Outfit #like if youre gonna pay someone to paint you youre gonna pose in your best garb #and its the same fit she wore to welcome corvo back which means she dressed up nice for him #which I find really fucking cute #anyways heres my insane ramblings I hope you enjoyed

[ef-1]

girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year. #when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍 #not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :) #like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢 #and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up- #when people mention it 😍 #last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her) #and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook” #and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?” #im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

[sonknuxadow]

did you hear that they just made a new law where before saying anything about thinking a sonic game is bad you are now required to play through the game in its entirety . if you break it you will explode on the spot btw

#ok well i dont think you should be required to play an entire game to have an opinion on it #but im really tired of seeing sonic takes from people who clearly know nothing about the game theyre talking about #''shadow the hedgehog/sonic 06/sonic and the black knight/sonic unleashed/whatever is SUCH a bad game'' #ok . have you ever touched the game in your life though . be honest #and no game grumps playthroughs and parody videos dont count #i mean actually playing the game or watching original cutscenes/gameplay without people talking over it #hell even with the games that i DONT like all that much and i agree arent that great or are very flawed #i get annoyed whe people just mindlessly hate on them without really knowing anything about them #like please hate them for a reason other than ''well my favorite youtuber said its bad so that must mean its bad''

[astranauticus]

the rwd season 4 qna inspired me to start thinking about college au headcanons except a lot of these are gonna be really specific to my school and y'all are just gonna have to deal with that <3

Kyana feeds some of the school cats. she would feed all of them if she could

Dani smuggled Plug (the scrawniest black cat you've ever seen) into her dorm room illegally and somehow management hasn't caught her yet (based on a true story) (Kyana visits to see Plug all the time)

Finbar keeps an updated tier list of every canteen in the school with breakdowns of the best stalls/dishes for each

A senior from the school of engineering once said to me 'all the engineering people dress like rats cuz our classrooms don't have aircon' (context: tropics) anyway that's Dani

Kyana would probably be involved in a lot of freshman orientation events from second year onwards. she just likes talking to the new kids and giving them advice like she would be the kind of orientation group leader who'd get messages from her freshies asking about all kinds of random nonsense because she's made sure they know they can always contact her with questions

VR-LA is The Guy you go to for textbook pirating resources

(this is more of a 'wouldn't that be funny' but VR-LA is just Veerle's discord handle)

Docent is the name of VR-LA's old laptop that broke down so he gave it to Cassimere (computer engineering major he met once at a networking event) to fix except Cassimere got everything off the hard drive and then somehow managed to fuck it up Even More so he had to get a new laptop (and named it Emi)

Roy has gotten food poisoning from his dorm meal plan at least once (based on at least one true story)

The heap trio + Mandy would be those friends constantly playing majong in the dorm lounge and if all the majong tables are taken they just play in one of their dorm rooms on a towel to dampen the tile shuffling noises (it was Mandy's idea)

Every morning Dani goes to the drinks stall at her faculty and orders one iced coffee to the point where the stall owner starts preparing an iced coffee whenever they see her approach (based on my true story)

Roy would be one of those people who goes clubbing every other week and every time he tries to drag the rest of the heap trio and Egan almost always goes and Dani would go if she didn't have a good excuse but always begrudgingly. anyway Roy would always be the only one having a good time until Egan gets drunk enough to start having fun

Finbar actually uses the dorm kitchens instead of just buying canteen food and it always makes the hallways smell really good

Vhas also uses the dorm kitchen sometimes but like. one time i walked into the pantry on my floor and someone had left cut sweet potatoes and 2 eggs in an inch of water in a pan on the stove. that's Vhas

Kyana's constantly applying for overseas exchanges and international summer/winter school programmes. the world is large and she wants to see it!

Maxim's the definition of a hall phantom. you know he lives on your dorm floor because you pass him by in the hallways sometimes and literally nowhere else. sometimes you're not convinced that he actually exists

VR-LA and Maxim's friendship stems from them being from wildly different faculties (VR-LA's in STEM, Maxim's doing anthropology so arts/social sciences) but also having lots of weird interests they cant really bug anyone in their home faculties about

Elyse is in student government and every once in a while Finbar receives a series of angry texts about the newest idiocy she's had to put up with

MR-SN and AS-TR start a stargazing club together. other notable members include AS-TR's girlfriend E-DN, MR-SN's friend C-RA (the one who always volunteers to carry the heavy ass telescopes) and MR-SN's friend K-LB who he pestered into coming to fix one of the wonky scopes even though K-LB's actually in electrical engineering but he's the only engineering person MR-SN (an arts student) knows

oh and of course VR-LA joins because he genuinely just likes space (developing a crush on his club chairperson was not on his bingo card)

Kyana and E-DN were MMA sparring buddies at one point which is how she found out about the stargazing and joined immediately

honestly i can probably think of more but this post is fuckin long LMAO

#rolling with difficulty #'do not let the internet turn you into an american' i say as i make posts that can be understood by me and me only #i mean im not sorry about it this is my house #like my experiences are just gonna be extra incomprehensible because my countrys fuckin tiny so the target audience really is me and me onl #too bad! you think its hard to read my posts? i gotta live like this! #if i sound extra confrontational i got 5 hours of sleep for the whole week unfortunately so just know its all /lh more or less #really tempted to make some kind of business major joke for roy even though obviously the heap trio would all be in engineering #bc its just common knowledge in my school that business majors are the ones with the most free time to go clubbing all the damn time #and *also* theyre the faculty that dresses the best which also tracks?? #didnt really nail down specific majors for everyone (besides the obvious ones like food science for finbar and mech eng for dani) #but i kinda like the idea of cs for VR-LA because of that 'programmers are real world wizards' joke and also.. projecting #cs with focus area in AI would even make sense bc of docent and emi. if i want to make the projecting Even Worse! #also if i ever do human designs for the old crew (doubtful cuz i find drawing robots more fun than drawing humans) #look up sally hansen hypnautical nail polish bc i wanna give human AS-TR that as a nod to her original design #didnt really get into the fashion of it all bc again i live in the tropics so nobody really dresses well here #the goal is to dress to not sweat more often than it is dress to look good #hands down my favourite line in the cqna was noir's i thermoregulate through my forearms #so in the middle of summer i still wear all black and just roll up my sleeves #like thats ME. except its summer ALL YEAR ROUND #walao #asto speaks

[danidoesathing]

in hindsight Buck Vernon is such a funny character. like his whole story starts off with his ass getting dumped but not even realizing it. he goes across the country searching for her and doesn't have any luck until he goes to a random fortune teller (who later admits to scamming him) and takes her vague bullshit to heart which leads him to get caught in the middle of a wild drug ring and he may have accidentally set off a war between said drug dealers and a gang of arsonists that was founded by an undead biker dude. he once bumped into said undead biker dude at a night club while running from the cops. he can see/talk to ghosts and it's never explained why and he doesnt even make a big deal of it. he ends up finding a corpse in the middle of the road and goes "well shit someone has to bury the guy". when said corpse gets up and asks for a smoke buck just. gives it to him and starts having a chat with him. he cant lie for shit and gets caught like every single time but still manages to get out of every situation alive. he once beat up a drug dealer in the back of an arcade. he got black brained which kills every other character it happened to and just. didnt die somehow?? he's killed at least two people and doesn't even blink. when he found his ex and got dumped a second time he just. got up and walked off with a bullet wound in his leg. he presumably lived and proceeds to write weird sad love songs for the rest of his life.

hes the most pathetic noir protagonist ive ever seen. there's something deeply wrong with him. i want to study him

#Edit: I FORGOT ABOUT THE CANON HALLUCINATIONS #he also vividly hallucinates and it’s just an aspect of his character #the ghosts aren’t hallucinations because they know things buck has no way of knowing so he canonly can see ghosts #hes so funny who lets him be like this #whats wrong with him #buck seeing a corpse get up and start walking around: damn this would make a good song #ok but seriously though why can he talk to ghosts #like he can just do that. why #I might be wrong about the first part but honestly vide noir is way funnier if he has no clue. like lee left him but didnt tell him shit #imagine going through all this shit for someone only to found out they weren't missing they just ghosted you #its so funny #also how did he even survive getting black brained. like yeah yeah cosmic ash can bring you back from an overdose but #buck didnt have that. he just?? decided not to die??? #at this point god wont let him die #vide noir #vide noir movie #buck vernon #dani speaks #lord huron

[spamtoon]

i would take their poison

Sketch + Line Art for those Clicking Under the Cut(tm) (archival purposes honestly)

#moshi monsters #sweet tooth moshi monsters #experimentation i am COG AWFUL at digital dear goodness i was playing with coloring and transparency and all those fun digital doodads. #next time i probably wont have black outline or i'll do it differently. or i'll try well. not doing this. it sure was a process im #i'm an amateur everyone who masically only doodles. does the sketch look better than the final. kinda! but thats okay because im learning #and y'know what. sometimes in life you just need to draw faves no consequences #for how saturated a character they are i kinda feel like i pastelled things too muc and trapped myself with my convoluted layer setup but m #it was looking WEIRD with everything at full force #maybe the sparkles look dumb maybe the hair looks dumb and out of place and why i kinda made the lollipop a little funky too #uhh. first digital piece posted... ever? #the arm is SO fucky i am not that was. thats not what perspective is spam #yes this is what i spent a good chunk of today doing after i started working on coloring it and then. decided to go for it. #cooolrs a little inaccurate on the horns and such but man one of the biggest art things was like #i dont have to have everything at their perfect hex codes all the time. this would look way worse if i just. used their standard colors #yeah this is. instead of looking like its forward and to the right it kinda just looks like they have a Bigger hypno-lolly #especialy becase. i did not bother on the gloves and platforms i the sparkles work with 2 kinda sorta but you know #im practicing! i'm learning! i'll get better and learn how to do things more effectively! #anyway. sweet toof #though hey their arm looks even more fucked in the line art and sketch SO #note to future self have a Consistent Line Art Size so that if you feel like the line art looks like shit during coloring you dont have to #gamble on what size it was while changing it #sketch lollipop looks better i should have kept it small. but its fine. we'll get em next time boys (tm) #yes i know my gif post was so fancy and then the drawing is just THIS

[gibaraltar]

as far as social media sites go, even if some people on here are. A Lot. And there's bad corners, as per everywhere... Still, compared to Some Other Large Sites there is an appreciation for the Human here. The experience of being human, the joy of creation, exploration of the reasons we share things and the motivations and experiences of authors. Of reflecting on how works impacted us. How even simple funne posts or whatever impact us.

#in the corner ive pruned for myself at least i feel much surer that we all understand that intention in media matters lol #like. i saw a post by some tech shithead about how “the future could be that we never have to watch or read the same thing twice” #implicitly that thanks to AI we'd never have to consume the same thing twice. #and i just. felt like an alien #bc even though he was obviously being ratioed to fuck #very few people were saying explicitly “that would blow who even wants that” #but i know for a damn fact all my mutuals here who have read the same 3 books on rotation for decades bc they were formative got me lol #personal #text post #People who don't create and have in fact removed the idea that they could ever create are black holes of humanity btw #even if you think you aren't creative most of us have at least some hobby where we make SOMETHING #whether you took to mending your own shoes or DIYing or playing guitar or dnd or woodworking or 3D printing or collecting retro synths #you likely have something you relax with #channel feelings into #these people seem to have never once experienced the human concepts of exploration or creation or play. all they have is consumption. #and its making me even more mental than i already am lol

[angellurgy]

:]

#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK #CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING #NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT #ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you #too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much #CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after #TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE #FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT. #AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will #please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop #cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION #caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out #NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP. #I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE #LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice #FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT. #SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME #WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR. #NO OTHER CHOICE.

[todayisafridaynight]

any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

#snap chats #no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game #oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH. #id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k #OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think #my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious #rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final #HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE #i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that #i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki #someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it #like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but #i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital #the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe #cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion. #yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3 #its a real head scratcher ... #a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think #it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little #and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened' #im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways.... #sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly #idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me #THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED #i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell #is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form #i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments #BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow #im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE

[holedyke]

of course the night i need to get to bed at a reasonable hour bc i have a early rise is ruined by my own brain working me up into a complete meltdown 😵‍💫 i am a prisoner to myselfffff

#i feel so so bad. tbh #tw for child abuse but i need to vent #i was watching a rlly good doc series on behavioral schools for teens which are pretty horrific and even though i never went through #anything like that. but just hearing the subjects from the doc talk about how they feel ruined after being destroyed like that as kids just #has me really emotional and i cant stop thinking about it bc i feel the same way i feel like ill never be who i could have or should have #been but what i went through just ruined me and ill never be okay i just feel fragile and mournful of myself i know nothing could have #saved me like its some big cosmic joke on me. and i never did anything to deserve that #no kid does amd yet it fucking happens and it happened to me witj zero repercussions which is almost what hurts the most #i just feel like a goddamn blubbering mess with a knawing black pit in my heart and i am never going to get to sleep at this point. #fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk i just for once would like to feel okay about my past and my future like is this the me that ill always be? #broken and blubbering? fuck it feels awful. anyway. prob delete later but i just needed it off my chest #h

[cornerfolks]

to clarify some things just because

this is a funny

i cant claim to know what the inspirations for myhouse were aside from, very obviously, house of leaves

yume nikki itself is inspired by lsdde, but i feel like its usage of wordless Suggested storytelling may have influenced my house, where you can try to piece together a story just from the spaces you travel- in yn you have multiple worlds like that, the first that comes to mind being the hit and run.

lsd dream emulator i feel may have influenced my house Independently from yume nikki, particularly with the way levels interconnect and loop back around on one another in a 3d setting

P.T. definitely belongs here like obviously but consider this: i forgor. and itd look weird if it wasnt a triangle. realistically, its Probably an even bigger influence than house of leaves. i mean, it's PT. its PT.

the complete absence, aside from HoL, of house-centric media is not an oversight because despite everything, myhouse really isn't about the house. the "haunted house" isnt the house itself, it's the doom map of the house- the building is irrelevant, what matters is that its the space Tom created. the reason the house's layout repeats itself everywhere isn't because the house matters, it's because that was the layout tom created in the original map that steve decided to update. do you understand THIS? the house isnt alive, the myhouse.wad is alive. there is a distinction and the distinction is crucial. the analog to the house on ash tree lane isnt the house itself, because there is no real world physical house present in the story, since its only about the mod based on said house. the analog to the house on ash tree lane, to This House (skinamarink acknowledgement), to the monster house, is the map.

thank you for coming to my tedtalk. its 6:30pm and i just ate subway after i started my day at 5pm having gone to sleep at 6 something am with a full xanax following a night of drinking red bull. i need to take my magnesium pills to balance my energy.

btw the gay monster house is something i'm doing myself stay tuned for that.

in truth i dont even know if we can legitimately consider myhouse part of houseposting... but i will anyway because it carries the same spirit. even if its about a doom map. like in fiction its about a doom map.

#myhouse #myhouse.wad #myhouse.pk3 #if you people saw the original post youll see this too because we're all housefags who are in the tag looking for content that understands #it. and isnt just like WOW. LIMINAL SPACE. speaking of i think the inclusion of the backrooms and the pool area are a detriment to the mod. #at least the backrooms is a funny easter egg bc you literlaly have to noclip. #nothing major and i guess i only think that because i know about the annoying liminal space trends (emphasis on trends) i love that kind of #imagery and was interested long before their explosion in 2020. same with the backrooms. i was there in like 2018 thinking about the post. #before it all went to hell. #then again i experiened the same thing with analog horror. #perhaps nothing is sacred. #at least our little houseposting corner seems safe because to even care at all you need to understand its nuance #though that didnt stop people from ignoring what made the backrooms creepy and just adding levels and monsters to make an scp ripoff i mean #there is literally a wiki with like numbered articles and shit. its wild. #anyway. if youre reading this all the way down here hows it going? good day so far? do me a solid- go listen to a quick one before the eter #al worm devours connecticut. maybe you already know it but its one of my fav songs ever from one of my fav albums from one of my fav artist #not have a nice life in general though they rule but rather dan barrett who also did giles corey and black wing #did you know hes bisexual? its awesome. he made a song called guilt is my boyfriend. its really good. under the giles corey name

[frootbyethefoot]

oh adiris you're a greek tragedy

[ID: a digital photo of adiris from dead by daylight. the background is black, aside from three bright red outlines of the entity's claw. adiris is also coated in a very heavy red hue. she is kneeling down and is holding her hands together in a prayer. she's looking up and looks incredibly sad. END ID/]

#adiris' lore is so so good #but MAN is it sad #me when i build my entire life around the approval and love of a god that i cannot even begin to fathom #me when im manipulated into doing horrible things and am made to believe im helping my people and family #when really they've been dead for who knows how long #man. anyways shes everything i would want out of a black vale focused killer #..which makes sense since i think? its implied her group were the start of the black vale! hm! #still want a black vale chapter though. #dead by daylight #dbd #dead by daylight fanart #the plague #adiris #dbd fanart #tw gore #gore #hesitant to tag this as body horror. i don't think it counts but if it does lmk #joeys art #image described