#even though he. HAS to be smart for his job. he's THE RANGER-GENERAL. and he's not the best person in the world lolll

[jafara123]

LitRPG Isekai fanic Brainstorm inspired by Psychronia

The Cynical Realist (Maybe)

This is a bitter person who can, whether he wants to or not, see the evil in the hearts of man all around him. He's slow to trust, perpetually cautious, and more than a little misanthropic. In exchange, he also has an uncanny understanding of human behavior, can maneuver delicate power dynamics skillfully, and is a meticulous planner.

Based on how he lived on Earth, he's prefers to live peacefully and responsibly, even if it means enduring mistreatment. However, if someone manages earns his ire despite that, he can be very spiteful.

The 5-Man Band (Recruited)

This one is more of a storytelling structure and trope. This includes:

The Hero/Leader: The star of the story, obviously. And either a Chosen One of the world's god or a Summoned Hero. They typically get burdened with command over the party and need to grow into the role.

The Lancer: The Hero's foil. the person that balances out the Hero's flaws and strengths, possibly forms a rivalry with them, and will very likely be the second in command in the event of the Hero's absence

The Smart One: The ideas guy with technical skills, technological/scientific or magical talent, and generally well-read enough to be good exposition dumps. They're often strategists, advisors, powerful sages, or somewhat mad researchers. All their intellect is often contrasted with weak physical abilities and sometimes poor social awareness or notable neurodivergence.

The Big Guy: Not necessarily literally big(and sometimes literally small), but this character is the brawn to the The Smart One's brain. They are the powerhouse with physical strength up the wazoo and are usually the ones you can count on to solve a problem with brute force. In exchange, they're also the ones that get taken down to sell a threat or who have to stand by when a situation requires non-combat skills.

The Heart: If The Smart One is intellectually intelligent, then these people are emotionally intelligent. They're good at keeping morale up, mediating between party members, being considerate of everyone's emotions, and also keeping the group morally grounded. Often overlaps with the Hero or is the token girl, but neither is required.

The Sixth Ranger: While this setup is called the 5-man Band, there can technically be a late addition to the group to shake things up. Maybe they're a former enemy that deserted, or circumstances caused their goals to align with the party. Regardless, they're late to the party but undeniably plugs up any hole remaining in it.

Promotion & Tier system

Under this system, levels are easier to get, but instead of capping at whatever level, characters get to restart back at level 1 under new circumstances with further potential for power. Maybe there is a tier system where their existing class has an upgrade tree, or maybe it can be infinitely looped between various classes, with some more exclusive than others.

Criteria System with Associated Skills

In this system, any and every job can be taken so long as prerequisites are met. Each class has different prerequisites, such as physical challenges, exposure to certain materials, official titles, or repeated uses of certain skills. The more difficult or obscure the requirements are, the more impressive the class tends to be.

Changing jobs is easy, but Skills are tied to the class and characters may lose access to them after a change. Each class also comes with an appropriate change of stats.

Class Leveling System with Accumulated Skills

Classes must be learned either from someone who already has it or an item holding its power. Once obtained, that class will always be accessible even if other classes are gained (though there may need to be only one "active class").

Each job can be leveled up through repeated use, and skills are gained through leveling. Even when a class is changed, skills will always be accessible.

Class Bonus System

In this system, jobs are harder to obtain or change, and only one can be held at any given time. A character's classes might offer certain bonuses like unique abilities, stat buffs, or increased growth rates, but they're otherwise separate from learning Skills.

Skills can also be gained through training, other items, or personal innovation. This means every character can build their skillset however they want.

Skill Leveling and Evolution

Skills each have a set level to them. Most commonly, it is level 1 to 10. There is no functional difference between the same Skill of the same level, so when users compete, victory comes down to other variables such as creative use. The potency of Skills increases with each level, and once maxed out at 10, there may be the option to evolve the skill into a superior version of itself.

For example, [Basic Fire Magic Level 10] may become [Intermediate Magic Level 1] or [Whirlwind Blade Level 10] may become [Cyclone Slash Level 1].

Perhaps the evolution is automatic, or perhaps it requires an outside ritual. Regardless, the old Skill is lost after evolution and may need to be acquired again.

Skill Acquisition and Fusion

Skills cannot be leveled up, but the same Skill may have different potency depending on the users. New skills can be acquired simply by attempting and practicing new things, with the individual's natural affinity determining how hard acquisition is.

As an individual collects a wide variety of Skills, compatible Skills have a chance of automatically combining. Generally, the final result will involve having all the abilities of the prior Skills, on top of further potency or flexibility. Skills can also be willingly sacrificed to bolster other skills of the same rarity; in this case, the sacrificed skill will be lost and the bolstered skill will evolve.

For example, [Alchemy] and [Herbalism] could be fused to become [Instant Potion Production] or [Herbalism] could be sacrificed to bolster [Alchemy] into [Chemistry Magic].

The Unquantified Technique System

The "power levels are bullshit" arrangement. While stats do tend to accurately reflect a character's raw abilities, they also neglect very important factors when it comes to actual combat capabilities, such as efficiency. A user's pure technique may be enough to overtake that of an objectively faster opponent, or they may use a weapon that concentrates all their force into one area, causing greater damage than an objectively stronger counterpart.

Stats are still gained via leveling up, but the individuals have complete control over how to allocate their stat gain after each level up. The amount of stat points gained per level as well as the ability to gain multiple stats per point can depend on the race of the individual. For instance, elves may be able to gain two points of magic for the cost of one, while beastfolk can gain two points of strength or speed for the cost of one.

There may also be treasures or special potions that grant bonus stat points.

Training System

The "earn every scrap yourself" arrangement. Stats do reflect pure ability like in the Strict Numbers system, but they aren't functionally very useful because-as with reality, a person's condition can change day by day.

Perhaps there are ways to observe a character's stats on the spot, but those numbers could easily rise or fall by the time combat arrives-or even during it.

Under this system, stats are generally unrelated to levels altogether. To increase a stats (on average), an individual simply needs to train for that stat. Weight training for strength, sprinting for dexterity, enduring hits for defense, a healthy lifestyle for vitality, etc. Perhaps stats may even go back down if a character neglects training.

#LitRPG #Isekai #Ideas

[nat-20s]

what’s poppin everyone please have this fun lil writing warmup/short story inspired by me thinking “Dancing in the Moonlight” was definitely 100% about werewolves

~*~

“So, this your first transformation?”

The counselor? Leader? Tour guide? Asked this with a perfectly jovial tone, as if the typical social mores surrounding, ugh, lycanthropy, didn’t apply to her. They didn’t know what exact title to call her, and her name tag just said “Luna”, which, reflecting on it, either was a joke on her part or a reflection of her parents’ sense of humor.

Picking at the scabs from last month, they cringed and replied, “No. Uh. Second.”

Luna lets out a low whistle. “Oof. That sucks. Guessing you got bitten rather than inherited the ol’ wolfman gene?”

“That’s...kind of personal?”

Unlocking the front door of the log cabin that served as King Harvest’s Headquarters, Luna shrugs and says, “Shit, sorry. Forgot the whole weird stigma around your source of the once monthly nightmare, as if it fuckin matters. Also, I know, I know, ass out of you and me. Hey, you got any dietary restrictions? Gluten, peanut allergies, the like?”

Voice flat, they tell her, “I’m vegetarian,” and waits for the obvious response.

As they wander through the cabin towards the kitchen, Luna flipping on the light switches, generic club music starts to filter in. Instead of the obvious response, Luna asks, “You like veggie burgers? Or maybe pasta? I’d offer salad, but that’s really not gonna cut it for tonight.”

“I ate before I came.”

With a snort, she tells them, “Oh yeah? Did you have about 4000 calories?”

“No? Why would I have?”

Sweeping out her arm, she gestures at the food laying out on the counter and tells them, “Then eat up! 4000 is really a minimum for the night if you don’t want to feel like someone physically beat out all of your energy in the morning. 6000 is more the target area, but we got, hmm, about 15 minutes before things get uncomfortable, and half an hour max before things get dire.”

They glance down to the food, and, admittedly, the broccoli alfredo does look pretty appealing. Still, they have to ask, “Is this a cult?”

Luna lets out a bark of a laugh that has nothing to do with her (maybe) being a werewolf. “Okay, first of all, what kind of cult is like ‘fuck yeah, we’re a cult’? Secondly, despite the first thing, I can say that we’re not a cult. I know how “King Harvest: Center for Movement Therapy” sounds, both clinical and vague enough to be suspicious as hell, but I didn’t come up with the title, blame my long deceased dad for that one. Plus, ‘King Harvest: Bitchin’ Wolf Dance House’ probably wouldn’t look good on the grant applications.”

“Grants?”

“Oh yeah. This bad boy’s been publicly funded since its opening in 1972. Hence no membership fees.”

“Is that why animal control is giving out your business card? Are they one of your sponsors?”

“Nah, that’s just Jack. Me ‘n’ him go way back, hell, to his park ranger days.  I mean, yeah, I think he’ll campaign for us, but mostly I think he just hates capturing a wolf in the night only to have a naked, trembling human in the morning, and he knows that our program significantly reduces the odds of that happening, at least in this neck of the woods.”

They let out a hum, then glance back down to the food. As appealing as it down look, they’re still about..30% convinced this is an elaborate organ harvesting operation. Or sketchy sex thing.

Apparently sensing their hesitation, Luna says, “You got a favorite chip?”

“Salt and vinegar.”

Grabbing a sealed family sized bag from the overhead cabinets, Luna tosses it to them. “If you come back next full moon, either eat enough in advance or have a real meal here. That being said, excuse the turn of phrase, you should wolf that down. It’s sure as hell better than nothing.”

They catch it, and the bag opens with a puff of air that speaks to a reassuring lack of tampering. As they toss a chip into their mouth, Luna grabs a water bottle from the fridge and places it down next to them. “So? Any questions for me? We’ve still got about ten minutes before we have to go out there.”

Rolling their eyes, they tell her, “No. None at all.”

“Great! Soon as you’re done eating we’ll get you started.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

“Yeah, no shit, smart-ass. Seriously, what are your, we haven’t got much time.”

“I don’t know? The whole..thing? I mean, how is it supposed to..work? Like? At all?”

“You ever see Amok Time?”

“Is that relevant?”

“It’s a yes or no question babe.”

“And if I say no?”

“Then the explanation is going to be a lot more technical and take a lot longer, ultimately to likely make less sense.”

“...I’ve seen it.”

“Great! So, Pon Farr is basically this chemical blood imbalance that results in fuck or die disorder, yeah? But then Spock neither fucks nor dies, and eventually the vulcans get their shit together and find out that an intense fight can serve the same function, and the blood fever chills out. Lycanthropy operates on a similar enough basis for comparison. You’re compelled to act out on energetically heavy base instincts, returning to the ways of the wolf or whatever. Traditionally, that’s done through running and hunting, which has, historically, been a crapshoot at best. Theoretically, sex can also get the job done, but I’m sure you can imagine how that gets extremely dicey extremely quickly. Either restraints or isolation has been implemented for a while, but, c’mon, they’re bandaid solutions, and they’re far from foolproof. Luckily for us all, my grandmother decided to connect back with her ancestors, and there was a handful of stories having huge festivals to deal with ‘moon violence’. She tried it out, and, yeah, dancing works.”

“That sounds…”

They don’t know how that sounds. Made up, mostly.

“Like a bunch of hippie bullshit? Yeah, it kind of is, Grandma Josephine was a huge hippie, but it’s hippie bullshit that works. In fact, let’s go see the others, it almost always makes things clearer.”

Figuring that whatever they’re about to see can’t be worse than their transformation last month. They head through the sliding glass door out the back, the thump of the music suddenly loud enough to be felt in their chest. The sight that awaits them makes them drop their chips and let out a gasp. Barely able to speak, they exhale out, “None of them...they’re not wolves. How..how??”

Indeed, the roughly forty people jumping to the pulse of whatever they’re listening to (some to the in house DJ, some, apparently, to what’s playing over the large headphones they have adorned), resemble the image of a wolfman much more accurately. They bare claws, fangs, elongated snouts, upright ears, and  serious amounts of hair, but they’re on two legs, and moving like humans. Some of them are even singing along to the lyrics, which really shouldn’t be possible.

Luna grins, making it obvious that she’s used to this level of shell shocks. “Ultimately, you do have to give into some damn rigorous instincts. But dancing is a human instinct, not a canine one, so you end up, well, humanoid. Pretty nifty, huh?”

“And they all..they all keep their minds? I didn’t...they don’t blackout?”

“Not since we banned alcohol in the 90s! Here, watch this.”

Luna nods her head at the DJ, and the DJ, obligingly, turns down the music for a moment. The members of the crowd not listening to their own music pause, then look towards the door. She cries out, “Hey gang! HOW WE ALL DOIN’ TONIGHT?”, and gets a mix between a howl and “WOO!” cried back. The DJ then turns the music back up, and the general movement of the crowd resumes.

They should be more skeptical. They want to be more skeptical, they were just minutes before, but it’s hard to disagree with something right in front of you. “This will work for me? I just..have to dance?”

“Well, it’s not guaranteed. Few things are. But we have yet to have someone turn violent on us. If you start to fell yourself slipping from consciousness, though, I do ask that you start heading further into the woods, as to not hurt other guest. If you find yourself just getting tired, there’s beds inside, and a fair amount of pillows around the edge of the quote unquote dance floor, if you end up in more of a nesting mood. Also, I recommend taking off your shoes before you start.”

“What? Why?”

Luna gives a pointed glance at the dancers’ feet, which, ah. They’re about twice as large as normal and at least twice as sharp. The converse on their feet would be no match. “Ah.”

“Ready?”

They shove off their shoes and place the remainder of their chips aside. “As I’ll ever be.”

Good thing, too, as they’re starting to feel an uncomfortable pressure in their chest that was the prelude to disaster last month.

Luna strides to the center of the dance floor, which is really a plush lawn surrounded by forest. The crowd naturally moves around her, and she yells out, “Aiyana! Play my song!”

Aiyana gives a nod, and the opening notes of “Dancing in the Moonlight” start to sound out. “Seriously?”

Luna shrugs, grinning like a fool, and says, “It’s a classic!”

“It’s cliché at best.”

Luna shrugs, and then begins dancing. She’s hardly elegant, but she is dazzlingly joyful in her uncoordinated movements. As the song reaches the first chorus, she gives a twirl, and in the split second it takes, she’s transformed. They blink in shock, not knowing you could transform that seamlessly, that quickly, that painlessly. Luna in half wolf form is just as expressive as the human Luna, and she gives a nod over her shoulder as if to say Come on.

Feeling somewhat foolish, they start to bop their head to the tune. Luna lets out a huff and grabs their hands, spinning them around and forcing them to get moving. At first, it’s them indulging Luna, but as they let themselves get lost in rhythm, they feel a stretching sensation in their face and limbs. It’s not unpleasant, more like when you wake up and work out the tension in your spine. They open their eyes and look down at their hands, now covered in fur in and made for slashing. It didn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt, and they’re still themselves, and they had no idea that full moons could be like this, maybe for the rest of their lives.

They turn their head to the night sky, and their body can’t help but continue to dance. Despite all their fear, all their dread, “movement therapy” worked, and they can admit, at least to themselves, that they feel warm and bright.

#my writing #nats journey into writing short stories based on 70s songs continues lmao

[enkelimagnus]

A Castle in the Forest

Percy x Vex’ahlia, Chapter 11, 2942 words,

A Modern AU, in which Vex is a park ranger taking over the Alabaster Sierras post, and finds much more than she bargained for.

Read on AO3

----------------

Vex had succeeded in evading Vax’s questions about the bow.

She hadn’t really given him the option to speak at all. After resting for the night, her exhaustion had melted away and left all the space for anger. She’d driven out on her truck, not on the motorcycle, but that was only because the bike wouldn’t go on the snow very well. She’d just wanted to get to one of the temples fast.

They let her walk right into a fucking trap. They hid this from her and she could have died. There is going to be a scar on her shoulder, even with the healing she’s received. She wants to scream at all of them.

What if she’s not the first one to get hit by whatever the fuck the fiend is capable of doing? What if there are bodies literring that castle, bodies of innocent people who walked in on a fiend and died because no one fucking warned them?

Her rage carries her through the whole drive, until she stops in a furious screech of tires not far from the temple and basically runs to it. It carries her as she slams her whole body into the door and it bursts open. She doesn’t care about the bruises she’ll have after this.

She’s lucky, she guesses. They’re all there. Pike, and Grog, both priests and Cassandra. Somehow, the latter’s presence is no surprise. They were acting a little weird about everything, after all.

“What the fuck is up with the thing in the castle and why did none of you bother telling me about it?” Vex roars.

She can feel her hands shaking as she balls them into fists, trying to canalize her anger at least somewhat. She’s a professional, she can’t go and yell the heads off of clergy. Or maybe she can. Maybe she needs to, right now, because they let her walk into an incredibly dangerous situation.

Grog is still holding up his axe. He doesn't look specifically aggressive but she knows he’s ready to defend his friends against her if necessary. She appreciates that, even in this situation.

“You saw him?” Cassandra asks, standing up. “Does he… look alright?”

Vex blinks.

She wasn’t expecting this. Cassandra seems concerned, but more about the thing than about the fact Vex was in close contact with it and could have died.

“He’s a smoking fiend in the shape of a humanoid and I don’t know what kind of shit he packs but it made a hole in my shoulder. A big one!” Vex snaps back. “That doesn’t sound alright to me.”

Cassandra’s face hardens in as neutral of a face as Vex has ever seen. Pike reaches for them, gently putting a hand on their arm, beckoning them to sit back down.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Pike says quietly. “Do you need more healing?”

Vex shakes her head. “No. I have a couple of Healing Spells, and my brother gave me a potion. I’m fine.”

She’s mad that they’re showing concern, when they should have told her this was a threat. Pike and Grog make it all worse. They knew, when they took down the Barbed Devil, that it wasn’t the fiend Vex had sensed. And yet, they let her be fooled, let her believe that she’d done her job correctly.

“Lady Vex’ahlia, I think you should sit down,” Father Reynal says then, with his serene priest façade that Vex wants to smash through right now.

Grog gets up to bring another chair and they all stare at her until she moves and sits down at the table. They all settle back down.

There’s a large file on the table, closed and title-less. Vex raises an eyebrow. Father Reynal takes it and pulls it off of the table, away from her prying eyes and wandering hands. Smart of him. Suspicious too. Vex is on high alert and everything right now is a threat.

“I’m not a lady,” she mutters.

“I know,” Father Reynal nods. “But I’m being polite.”

Vex rolls her eyes. “Cut to the chase. What the fuck is going on here? What is that thing and why didn’t you tell me?”

They all settle back in their seats, all tense, all very unwilling to talk. Vex isn’t budging until she’s given answers though. She’ll camp here and harass them until they crack. She doesn’t give a fuck how long it takes.

“We didn’t tell you,” Keeper Yennen starts. “Because there was no reason for you to know. The fiend cannot walk out of the castle, the trail had been condemned by our work, and the secret tunnel was… well, secret.”

Vex sighs slightly. “Until Keyleth told me about it.”

“Our dear Keyleth is not skilled in the art of deception,” Father Reynal adds then. “We should have expected this would happen. But we couldn’t take you into account when all of this started. Your predecessor, Ranger Regae was not… exactly zealous. He was either oblivious to what was happening or didn’t care enough to stop it. All the contrary to you, my lady.”

“Not a lady,” Vex repeats. “Please stop calling me one.”

They nod as well. “Apologies,” they mutter. “Now. As for your other questions…”

Cassandra bristles. “His name is Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III,” they rattle off without even blinking. “Depending on which succession law you follow, he’s either Lord of Whitestone, or just my brother, in which case I am Lady of Whitestone.”

Vex takes a second to take in all of what she’s just been told. The De Rolos are not all dead. At least two remain. She’s staring at one of them, and the other is the thing in the castle. And they’re all covering it up.

“What happened? Because that’s not a person in there anymore,” Vex points out. Cassandra flinches at that.

Well… The eyes flashing to blue and the humanoid voice could belong to a person. The part that had yelled her to run… that could be a person.

“We don’t know exactly,” Cassandra continues, despite her flinching and obvious uncomfort. “We know that he’s been possessed by a fiend. Which I’m guessing you sensed and came in contact with.”

“Do you know how he came in contact with the fiend? What kind of fiend it is?” Vex crosses her arms.

“He.. came back to Whitestone with the fiend already with him. I haven’t been able to get more details from him.”

Every time Cassandra or anyone else says something, it just adds more questions to Vex’s plate. Where was he before coming back? Why had he left in the first place?

“As for the kind,” Father Reynal interjects. “I haven’t gotten to see it up close since he became possessed by it the way he is now, but from Keyleth’s description, it seems like a demonic creature. Perhaps a shadow demon of some kind.”

Shadow demons are more difficult to take down than barbed devils, but they’re not… impossible. Between Keyleth, Pike, Grog and the others, they should have been able to take it down a long time ago… Though it isn’t just a fiend. It’s also Cassandra’s brother. That changes things, she guesses, for all of them. There’s a person trapped in there, the one that made it so Vex could get away.

That’s the thing with possession. There’s always someone else than the creature involved in it.

Vex sighs heavily, putting her hands over her face. “You haven’t told any sort of authority, I’m guessing?” She asks.

“They’ll just… kill him to take out the creature,” Pike points out. “None of us want that to happen. We want him safe. As safe as possible.”

“Or they’ll fuck up the barrier we put up and he’ll be free to roam and probably kill more,” Keeper Yennen adds. “That’s another one of our concerns, and one of the reasons we didn’t tell you. We’re aware rangers have some spellcasting abilities and we did not want to risk you messing with the barrier.”

Vex huffs. “Well, I can’t promise I didn’t do anything but I don’t think my encounter with it fucked up your spell.”

They all fall quiet then. As she looks around the table at these people, these people of faith, of knowledge, of ability, it suddenly dawns on her the mess she’s gotten into. There’s a nobleman possessed by a fiend, with a weapon from the nine hells that shoots holes into people. They’ve been dealing with it for who knows how long, and they’re not getting anywhere. They seem at a standstill.

It’s all terrible. She should run away now. Grab Vax, pack her bags, and never come back to Whitestone again.

She’s not going to succeed at her job here, not when the fiend in the castle is much stronger than she is, not when there are people who won’t let her deal with it quickly and efficiently because it would mean murdering someone. Not that she would murder someone to do her job, but… it’s just another thing to think about.

She should give up and leave.

But where can she go? She can’t go back to Syngorn. Syldor’s made it incredibly clear in the letter she read yesterday. It was only yesterday but it feels like weeks. The emotional distress and the encounter with the fiend, or Percival de Rolo… It all seems so far away.

So she has to stay, and she has to deal with this somewhat. Because there’s no way she can go back to her life when she knows about the thing in the castle. No way. She’s too… stubborn.

“I have many questions,” Vex starts after a moment. “And I want you to answer them to the best of your abilities. If you want me to help in this matter, you’re going to have to be straightforward with me. Honest. If I catch you in a lie, you’re fucked.”

She doesn’t really think she’ll tell any authority about this, but she is going to use every bit of power she has to get her way and get the answers she’s desperate to have.

“Fine,” Cassandra nods. “I think that works with us.”

Vex doesn’t reply that they don’t have a choice anyway. She’s not that big of a dick.

“My very first question,” she moves forward. “How did you know my last name?” She stares at Father Reynal, with his chestnut eyes.

He sighs heavily and takes out the folder that had been on the table when she came in. He slides it over the table towards her and she takes it, and opens it.

Everything. They have everything. They have her grades and report cards from the schools she attended in Syngorn, from the noble general educations to the specialized ones, to the ones from her training with the TWC. Things on Vax as well. And then the Shademurk. Reports on the fire, a copy of the report she wrote for the TWC about what happened. Pictures of her and Saundor at the official parties he dragged her to, both because she was the ranger attached to the Shademurk, but also because she was his trophy, and he wanted to show her off.

She remembers the specific day this photo was taken on. She remembers the pretty green silk dress with the completely open back, almost the exact color of his skin. He’d insisted she made her hair in a way that uncovered her ears. He’d made a braid of vines that wrapped around her neck in a necklace. He’d called her perfect. She’d been the only non-fey in attendance, and all eyes had been on her, and on him, because he’d brought her.

She’s smiling in the photo in front of her. It was taken when she was already tipsy on sweet and heady fey wines. That was why she was smiling so much. The evening hadn’t been pleasant. Some sort of anniversary of something where she’d obviously been there for people to stare at, for Saundor to have. He had not let her move out of his side all evening, arm wrapped around her waist, hard as stone, unmovable. Possessive. She’d already known better than to try and break his hold on her, it had been months after she’d realized he was much, much stronger than her. When he decided to hold her, there was no getting out.

She slams the folder shut when it gets to more details about the fire.

Her hands are shaking when she looks up at the priest in front of her.

“Why?” She asks. Her voice is weak. It’s shaking, it’s ugly.

“We had to know who you were, who had replaced Regae. If you’d be a threat for us and Percival,” Father Reynal explains. “I’m sorry.”

He’s not. It’s obvious he’s not. Vex gets it, but it doesn’t qualm her anger and betrayal. She grabs the file in her hands. “I’m keeping this.”

None of them deny her that. Good. She would have exploded if they did.

Her mind is swimming. The pictures of those nights in the Feywild, the reports on the fire and her escape, the fiend, the trapped noble, her father’s hatred of her, these people… all of it was too much. She needs a fucking break. But they won’t let her have one.

“I need to go for a moment,” she says. This time her voice is steadier, and she’s so incredibly glad.

“You have some decisions to make,” Keeper Yennen nods.

Vex stands up. She’s not as shaky as she expected she would be. “I’ll be telling my brother all of this. You’ve involved him.” She points at the file. “Non negotiable.”

Cassandra looks a little uncomfortable at that but says nothing. Good. She’s getting Vex to help in saving her brother, Vex is involving hers.

This is too much to deal with alone, anyway. She needs Vax by her side with this. Despite everything, she needs his presence, she needs him. They’re both unsteady and neither of them are the rocks the other needs, really. But they’ve got each other and that’s at least something. It would be horrible if they couldn’t have each other.

She walks out of the temple with barely a word. She can’t do the goodbyes and everything else right now. She can’t pretend her mind isn’t full of questions and fears and anger. She needs to take time with all of this.

It’s hard. A part of her feels for Cassandra, and even the rest of them. She can understand why they did what they did, why they hid it from her, from the world. But she’s still so deeply angry about all of it.

And the file just made it so fucking worse. It’s all there, all the things she wishes to forget, all the things she prayed there were no traces of. She hoped the fire of Shademurk destroyed all evidence of her presence there, of the months spent in Saundor’s thrall.

Just like the memories and the scars she bears, just like the bow under her bed, it’s not going to go away this quickly. She should have expected pictures to be taken of the parties, she should have expected the reports to exist somewhere in the system.

What kind of research power did they even have, to acquire such information from her schools in Syngorn and the TWC?

Fuck. She gets into her truck and punches the leather outside of the wheel, cursing out loud. She puts the file down on the passenger seat and exhales. She needs to calm down. Her hands are shaking and she needs to be calmer to drive home, or she’ll drive herself into a fucking tree.

She would have thought being researched would be the worst part. But the worst part is the memories of Saundor the research brings. She’s fought so hard to put this behind her, she’s spent months bothered by horrible nightmares, every time she fell asleep. She’s better now, but this is a lot to deal with.

She really thought she was going to be safe from him now that she was hundreds of miles from the nearest portal to the Feywild. But the memories will not leave her and the scars are still obviously on her skin.

She can’t be safe. Not when she has her memories intact and his bow under her bed. It hasn’t been long enough. Maybe she’ll be done with him in a few years, or a few decades. Hopefully it will fade away faster than what her father did.

Falling from Syldor to Saundor was to be expected, now that she thinks about it. She was desperate for approval from some sort of authority figure and Saundor was that. And he had her wrapped around his little finger within days of meeting him.

Gods, she loved him. At least somewhere in the middle. Not at first, no. It had been all for comfort and pleasure. And then… at the end, it had been fear and hopelessness. But she had loved him in the middle. She’d worshipped him.

The great powerful Lord Saundor the Forsaken.

Her forehead hits the leather covering the wheel and she sighs heavily. She’s so tired. Her fingers find the key and turn it, sending the engine roaring on. The radio turns on with it as contact is made. It’s still on that pop channel since they went for a groceries run whe Vax arrived.

It feels like it happened weeks ago. The onboard calendar says it’s the 28th of Cuersaar. Vax has been in Whitestone for three days.

#mine #fic #critical role #vox machina #perc'ahlia #vex'ahlia

[roadsterguysblog]

Dear Yuletide Author

You are amazing, and thank you so much for this!

I have details for each specific request below the general things.  So, General Things:

My prompts are just that, prompts to get your brain spinning.  If you have a great idea for a fic that isn’t on the prompts, or one of them sends you off on a tangent, write that!  The best fics come from what moves the author.

For general guidelines, though - I love plot.  I love something interesting and canonical going on that I can really sink my teeth into.  If you write that, and you’re not into slash/ship, then that is amazing and makes my Yule.  I love writing that fills in the world of these wonderful fandoms.  There’s nothing better than a little line or unexpected note that answers a question that canon didn’t - what’s the bathroom like?  What do they drink in the morning?  How do they get the news? 

I like first-time fic.  I love a lot of UST and slow burn and people unable to just say what they’re feeling, until something happens and it does.

I’m a physical H/C FIEND.  I love some nice bloody hurt and some nice stoic comfort. I love that combined with the above.

I love a crusty old bastard with a heart of gold.  Even if they happen to be young (a young person can pull off a Crusty Old Bastard if they put the work into it).  It’s my kink.

I love explicit, in-character sex.  If you’re feeling sex, bring that on!  Bring on every bit of sex, good and bad - teeth bumping, coming too fast because this has been such a long burn, santorum, sweat and hot kisses and oral leading to anal or whatever.  Bring it on.

XCOM: Enemy Unknown/Enemy Within (Video Game) 

I came to this game as an old-school player of XCom:UFO Defense. I really love the narrative additions that they made, and particularly Bradford as a character. I found Zhang and Durand to be great additions to this game too! I particularly love Durand's dialog on missions. She's such a goofy deadly little kid. I like the vague hints at Zhang's past, and would really love to explore that more.

I couldn't choose 'all of XCom' as a fandom, so I chose EW. My 'stretch' ask, then, is for some inclusion of the Legacy missions, XCom 2, and/or War of the Chosen with Zhang/Bradford slash - I love the development of XCom as a guerilla group, I love the classes (particularly Rangers!). I love that Bradford was a Ranger and that he fought as one in Legacy and 2. I'd love to see where Zhang was in 2, maybe even a reunion after the events of 2 and before/during Chimera Squad.

If you're looking to write just EW, that would be fantastic too! I'd very much like some in-EW Bradford/Zhang slash. I'm not one for PWP; I love a good juicy narrative. I love the canon, as discussed above, and would really like a fic that builds off of canon. And there's so much! The downtime between missions and the rapid gear-up for them. Bradford trying to figure out anything about Zhang. Zhang and Durand training - Zhang has the experience killing people but no experience with psionic powers, while powers and fighting are both new to Durand, so there's a lot of possibility there. In-mission and/or post-mission fic. Fic during/after the Base Invasion or the Final Mission. Testing out stuff that Shen is making. Being tested by Vahlen. Or anything else you want to explore!

If you're not into slash, that would be fantastic too! I love a good juicy genfic with a lot of great narrative. All of the stuff I mentioned above! If you want to write a fic from the PoV of some random soldier, that'd be delightful too! Or any canon exploration/gapfiller that grabs you that you want to write!

Do Not Want: Durand/Bradford shipping. I just don't see them as a couple at all and the age difference wigs me. I'm fine with them interacting; in fact, one of the things I love about Durand is how much of an Excited Little Kid she is on the missions! So an older battle-hardened dude helping settle her down and give some guidance would be a nice plotline, and platonic affection would be totally good. Ditto Durand/Zhang - platonic relationship is great, just not romantic/sexual.

Too much Commander. I realize that's a little vague, but since the Commander is the headspace of the player, having too much of their thoughts might pull me out? I'm fully there with the Commander being present to direct missions, chatting around with people, being supportive of characters during the fic, serving as Commander Ex Machina to move the plot along, things like that.

Scat/piss play (I'm fine with playing with the blood (human and/or alien) and sweat of battle as being either potentially sexy or a strange counterpoint to sexiness)

Out-of-character-ness

Homophobia/transphobia/racism by the main characters. As a gay trans dude, I am very down with any of them being gay/trans/queer/etc and experiencing it, and I'm even OK if they accidentally find that some of their activities are - but just no overt, knowing bigotry. (Bradford does have xenophobic tendencies, and I'd actually find that a cool angle to explore, as I think he's a fundamentally decent guy who's had a fuck of a time and suffers from some degree of toxic masculinity.)

XCOM 2 (Video Game)

I came to this game as an old-school player of XCom:UFO Defense. I really love the narrative additions that they made, and particularly Bradford as a character. I love the world of XCom2 - they do such a wonderful job of building Advent's Stepford Cities, the scattered resistance havens, XCom as a guerilla group, the Speaker, the various aliens, the Chosen, the classes of warriors, Lily Shen's badassery, Dr Tygan's smooth stoicism, Advent Burgers (ARE PEOPLE!) - all of it!

I couldn't choose 'all of XCom' as a fandom, so I chose XCom2. My 'stretch' ask, then, is for inclusion of some EW plotlines - particularly Zhang, because I loved him as a character. I love me some Braford/Zhang slash, so if you want to pull him in - see what he was doing in parallel at the time, or reunion after 2/during Chimera Squad - I would be just delighted.

If you're not into writing that or didn't play EW, an XCom2 fic would be fantastic! I loved Legacy, I loved 2 (with the missions Shen and Bradford do), I loved WotC. There's so much there! I love that Bradford was a Ranger (I'd be delighted for fics of him getting down and dirty and bloody with a sword), I loved that Tygan had a Thing for Advent Burgers, I loved that Bradford got mad that the wrappers kept getting left around. I loved that Shen and Tygan kept giving Bradford shit for his flying. I think it's interesting that Bradford turned alcoholic after the base invasion, and I'd be interested in explorations of that, and if he started to get control of it when the Avenger took off and things started to go well. I love the Skirmishers, I love Mox - I'd love some more of their backstory, and/or how things go for them after the events of the game. (Generally, any Adaption To Civilian Life And Living Amongst The Aliens sort of fic really tickles me). If you want to write a fic from the PoV of some random soldier, that'd be delightful too! Or even the PoV of a young civilian who has known nothing but Advent and slowly realizes what's going on. Basically, anything that fleshes out/extends/expands the wonderful rich canon of this game.

Do Not Want: Shen/Bradford shipping. I love love love them as a Surly Old Loving Dad and Spunky Smart Loving Kid, so I love that dynamic, and would love to read some of them awkwardly expressing their mutual affection on that level, but just no to romance or sex.

Too much Commander. I realize that's a little vague, but since the Commander is the headspace of the player, having too much of their thoughts might pull me out? I'm fully there with the Commander being present to direct missions, chatting around with people, being supportive of characters during the fic, serving as Commander Ex Machina to move the plot along, things like that.

Scat/piss play (I'm fine with playing with the blood (human and/or alien) and sweat of battle as being either potentially sexy or a strange counterpoint to sexiness)

Out-of-character-ness

Homophobia/transphobia/racism by the main characters. As a gay trans dude, I am very down with any of them being gay/trans/queer/etc and experiencing it, and I'm even OK if they accidentally find that some of their activities are - but just no overt, knowing bigotry. (Bradford does have xenophobic tendencies, and I'd actually find that a cool angle to explore, as I think he's a fundamentally decent guy who's had a fuck of a time and suffers from some degree of toxic masculinity.)

Ship Series - Anne McCaffrey

What can I say, I'm a Helva/Niall shipper. That being said, I think there's a lot that's dysfunctional about their relationship. The way chastity is valued so highly, the way that she thinks of herself as a chaste armored Valkyrie (the armor protecting her equally from both sex and physical harm). The awkwardness around any thought of physical contact - and yes, it's dangerous for her to be outside of the shell, but there are so many workarounds. Her shell is wired for sensation, after all, there's no reason that creative ways to make love to a ship couldn't be played with. And they never do anything around physical intimacy with their mental connection, even though it's explicitly written that Helva can sense what Niall does.

I'm also very skeeved by the way she turns off his hologram after he's dead. The hologram seems to have some degree of independent thought, the way it's written. Is it a sentient AI, perhaps? Or did he fully transfer to her subconscious after his body died, and this is his way of having some consciousness? None of these issues were explored, and I'd be delighted if you want to give them a go.

I'm also totally down with fics that don't go into the side of things I laid out above. I'd be delighted for mission fics, gapfillers, fics where they have to deal with Central Command. Action and adventure!

I'd love fics that explore some of the issues of toxic straight culture and toxic masculinity. These characters are great and interesting and flawed, and I love fics that acknowledge and embrace the flaws.

Also, I'm fully down with Niall being written as trans and/or bi/pan, if that strikes your fancy (and if you want to put that into the She Can Sense What He Does context). I know he's represented as being with women a lot, but I'd love a subversion of that as being down to some toxic straight culture (already abundant evidence for that in canon!) and/or overcompensation for being the butt of the flavor of toxic masculinity that considers short stature to be a deficit in men.

Do not want: True downplaying of short guys. Niall is sensitive about being tinchy, but I don't want that written as something that's actually, objectively wrong with him. As a short trans guy, I'm on board with him expressing that insecurity, I'm fine with stories playing with that insecurity, I'd awfully like a fic where the insecurity is helped to some extent.

Scat/piss play

Out-of-character-ness

Lucky Starr - Isaac Asimov

What can I say? Never has 1950s sensibility lead to a more homoerotic set of stories!

That being said, I also love how scientifically based it is. That's what I want from this fandom - a true Lucky Starr fic that is solidly grounded in some real science, and has some of the real science come back as part of the Twist Ending. If you want to put some explicit Lucky/Bigman slash in there, I'd be delighted. But if you don't, a gen Lucky Starr story is already pretty damn slashy to me. :)

I love the whole world. I love the Sirians and all of the biological 'lessons' their perceived but not-actual superiority could represent. I love Sten insulting Bigman and Bigman getting his own. I'd love more exploration of Sten's comment about Lucky making an excellent Sirian.

I'd be delighted with a fic that explores the paucity of females in-universe, particularly in positions of leadership. Ditto a fic that explores how white and US/European the culture is.

I particularly love the Bigman/Yonge friendship. Although Yonge is technically the Ideal Tall Strong Man, he'd be a little at sea now that he's left Sirius - he doesn't know the society, the norms, the conventions. I'd love to explore their friendship a little more, with Yonge getting over all he's been indoctrinated to believe about Sirian Superiority. Particularly since that gets at a very valid biological point, to tie into the scientific underpinnings of Lucky Starr episodes!

If you want to write either Yonge, Bigman, or both as gay, I'd find that an interesting fic for sure! Although my preference is Lucky/Bigman, I'm interested in a Bigman/Yonge, especially if it leads to Lucky/Bigman. :)

If you want to write Bigman as trans, I'm totally down with that.

Do not want: True downplaying of short guys. I know there's a fair bit of that in canon, beyond just Bigman's sensitivity about it, but I don't want that written as something that's actually, objectively wrong with him. As a short trans guy, I'm on board with him expressing that insecurity, I'm fine with stories playing with that insecurity, I'd awfully like a fic where the insecurity is helped to some extent. I'm fine with canon-level teasing of him about it, but always in the context of Lucky genuinely caring for him and him bringing real value to Lucky's work.

Scat/piss play

Out-of-character-ness

Homophobia/transphobia/racism by the main characters. As a gay trans dude, I am very down with any of them being gay/trans/queer/etc and experiencing it, and even if they accidentally find that some of their activities are, but just no overt, knowing bigotry.

[annakie]

An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Seven

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Wherein we... talk to the crew. I didn’t quite make it off the ship.

Still, a lot of words.

Aka the nearly All-Gif update.

Didn’t get a chance to play ME at all this week, so I’m going to spend a few hours this weekend (double-checking to make sure screenshotting works :p) and have some real updates later.

So making it back to the ship from Therum, it’s time to talk to the crew.  I maybe could have gone and talked to them after getting on the ship after the Citadel, but they don’t really have any unique lines then so, I usually wait til now to go chat.

First, let’s talk to Liara.

The thing that sucks about talking to Liara (or Kaidan, or Ashley, if you don’t want to romance them) is, you know, the accidental romance.  Making “picking the Paragon-place choices = romance by default with NO WARNING” design was very Not Good.  They fixed this in later games, well moreso in Dragon Age games than ME, (and Andromeda is done very well for this) but still.  In ME3, the BackOff mod does a great job of making romance dialog more obvious and intentional.  

Liara’s dialog choices I feel like are even LESS obviously flirting I feel like than Ash and Kaidan’s.  Honestly with Liara’s most of the lines can be read and even said aloud as friendship then BOOM, all of a sudden she wants a threesome.  I choose middle dialog options whenever possible with Liara just to avoid this.  I’m not interested, never have been, don’t want Kaidan to think he has any competition.  But seriously, it’s poor game design here that you literally have to be a jerk to a companion at some points to avoid having them think you want to bang.   God, half of the reason I’d love a remaster would be to hopefully fix shit like this to avoid some of the pitfalls.  

I hate that some people use this as a reason to dislike these characters more.  And I’ll admit, in my early days as a ME fan, I held it against Liara, too, until I realized how dumb that is.  I especially hate it when you get to the “confrontation scene” and people use Kaidan not wanting to be in a threesome as a reason to dislike him more?  It’s not a bad thing to want to be monogamous?  (And of course, it’s not a bad thing to NOT want to be, assuming everyone is open and OK about it.)

I just prefer to not get that scene at all now, and to avoid “leading anyone on” accidentally etc.  My Shepard knows early on what she wants, and sticks with him all the way through.

I was going to talk more here about my feelings about Liara in general but uh, I guess I’ll do that later.  This is already really long.

Here’s a great post about how to avoid romancing Kaidan while being rude as little as possible to him.  

Well since he’s right outside the medbay anyway, let’s go talk to the LT.  

Have I mentioned how much I hate the orange glow?  

So anyway, I thought maybe I’d talk here a little bit about Why Kaidan?

I will point out here that I am mostly a hetero woman, so my choices in video game romances lean towards men first, though I’m also very cool with doing non-m/f romances in games, and often do on subsequent playthroughs of games I love, but that’s almost never gonna be my primary romance.

I’d already mentioned my love for Carth Onasi, one of the most hated companions in video games, If You’re A Guy.

By today’s standards, even the Carth romance isn’t that great.  But at the time, it was the greatest romance I’d experienced in video games.  There were a few others that were really good -- Valen Shadowbreath in Neverwinter Nights: Horde of the Underdark was the other really great one, but we also got nightmare fuel like Anomen in Baldur’s Gate (though that gets better with mods + the final BG expansion) or just under-written characters or romances like Casavir in NWN2 (who was much better with mods) or hell, either of your choices in KotOR2 imho.  But I used to play KotOR over and over for many reasons, such as holy shit a Star Wars game(!!) and one where you can actually be a female main character AND has that great Bioware storytelling... but a big reason was Carth.  

A funny thing about Carth Onasi... if you play a male main character, you have a very different experience with Carth than if you play a woman.  And even I can agree that hoo boy Carth gets tiresome quick if you play a male, as a female you at least get to flirt and that calms him down and evens him out a lot. But the one time I tried playing as a male, I didn’t make it off Taris because.. yeouch I could actually see what the guys playing were so mad about.

But hey, that voice.  Raphael Sbarge, I love that voice.  So like I said early on in these posts, I immediately knew I was going to romance Kaidan the very second I confirmed he was romancable, before I even ran back into the ship and met anyone on the crew aside from Joker and Kaidan.

And... that only got confirmed more and more as I went through ME for the first time.  The character is smart, and capable, and respected you, and never questioned your command, but made his feelings pretty clear along the way.  He could be a little doofy but in an adorable way with some of the things he said, honestly there was almost never anything I didn’t love about this character.

I realized some time ago that I have a thing for the Paladin archetype personally. 

This is Casavir, from Neverwinter Nights 2, and in NWN2, there are two romance options for women.  An under-written Lawful Good Paladin in his late 30′s who is willing to buck his superiors to do what he thinks is right but also places you on a pedestal and holds back all his emotions.  He’s a romance option. Or....

Bishop, a chaotic evil ranger who insults you a lot, threatens to rape an NPC under your protection, and ultimately betrays you.  

Most people who played NWN2 seemed to prefer the CE Ranger.  I loved the paladin so much I wrote fix-it fic that I never have gotten around to publishing anywhere to retcon his terrible dumb ending.

There’s a fan-made romance mod that helps with the romances in this game, though I dislike a lot of what they did, ultimately I always use it.

In Dragon Age?

Ah yeah, the Templar-Warden.  Love him.  He does have that “Oh I’m so young and experienced tee-hee” thing going on that isn’t my favorite, (at this point mostly because I’m actually in my mid-40′s so uh, I’m just Old) but otherwise, yeah, love Alistair.

Dragon Age 2, I mean I usually romance Anders but... I’m not real excited about either him or Fenris, or even either of the ladies, though I have done Isabella’s romance (as well as Fenris’) and enjoyed it.  I’d probably romance Avaline (or Varric!), if she were an option.  But yeah, Anders mostly because he IS trying to do what’s right, even if he... well.  You know.  

But Dragon Age Inquisition?

Give me that Blackwall-angst.  That stoic guy trying to be a Warden who comes undone for you.  You’d think I’d go for Cullen, but hey this game gave us two paladin archetypes, though one is merely pretending, he still atones and becomes what he was trying to be, one way or another, if you let him.  I picked this paladin archtype first because I did not like Cullen based on interactions with him in DA1 & 2.  I like him well enough in DA:I but Blackwall is my guy here.

Out of all the many, many companions in SWTOR, who’s my fave?

If Aric Jorgan isn’t a Paladin-type I don’t know who is, especially since any romanceable Jedi are uh, all your female padawans (don’t get me started) until Lana (also female) comes along. 

Hell, in a very long-running 4e D&D game I played from around 2009 to 2014 where my character fell in love with our party leader’s son, married him and fought the final boss 4 months pregnant with our twins.  That character’s husband... was a paladin.  I mean look at this art my friend picked out for his character’s son:

I mean dang, who (of those who are attracted to men of this type) wouldn’t?

I always pick the Paladin.  The guy who is gonna Do What’s Right no matter what it costs him, the guy who’s gonna be loyal, the guy who may bottle up his emotions or keep them under control all the time but ultimately does what it takes to get the girl... that’s my fave.  And that’s Kaidan.

I will also say my second fave archetype is rogue-with-a-heart-of-gold, and that’s more of a Garrus or Varric (if only he were a choice!!! :( ) type.. aka my second choice in these games.

Well that was a lot more words on that subject than I meant to do, so I’m going to just say real quick here that what I love about this first conversation with Kaidan is that he’s already no dummy, he knows something is up, and warns you about it.

We’ll save talk about his backstory for another day.

Let’s head downstairs.

Yay for sped-up elevators!  What used to take like 20 seconds now takes like, four.

URDNOT WREX.

This another place where Shepard starts out just sticking their foot in their mouths completely.  I feel like this is something the game definitely has problems with here.  Shepard should know a lot more about the Genophage, like they should have about say, Spectres, even if the player doesn’t. So basically every response you can give to Wrex about the genophage and what his people are going through sounds really insensitive.  Comparing the relatively minor First Contact War with the entire galaxy more or less uniting to keep the Krogan from taking over after the Rachni war seems pretty dumb, and also like something Shepard should already know.

Loredumping on the Krogans a bunch with Wrex is necessary, but  I think it could have been done better.  Though I think there are a lot of questions about the Krogan and the Genophage that ultimately are important but go unanswered. I’m going to be honest, because generally I want my companions to be happy and ultimately I want the happiest ending I can get, I usually cure the genophage and leave Wrex in charge.  But also I don’t think that ends up with the happiest ending for the galaxy.  Everything about the genophage is terrible, how it works, how it was administered, what it’s done to the Krogan as a people, but let’s be honest, the galaxy will also be in huge trouble just from a resources perspective if each krogan woman can have hundreds (or even just dozens) of babies a year, who are gonna all live a thousand years.  There’s got to be a compromise that, eventually, hopefully Wrex works out if he’s alive at the end of ME3 or the council figures out with Wreav or whoever.  

It is kinda funny though that here, I basically met Wrex at C-Sec, told him I’d help him with Fist, sent him to my ship, and basically just kidnapped him to go help with the rest of the mission.  He wanted to be here, right?  I can only assume I’m paying him a lot.

Ashley!

I do love Ashley Williams.

I’m not going to turn this into a “Is Ashley Racist” thinkpiece.  I’ve read a lot of both sides of this argument and no, I don’t think she is.  Some pieces of her attitude do need to be kicked up a bit, for sure.  She’s got about the same issues with aliens as most of the species of the galaxy have with each other, which sometimes isn’t great, but she’s far from supporting Terra Firma.

She’s smart, she’s funny, a hell of a shot, she’s being held back due to her family name.  I would love for if someday a Wilshenko OT3 were possible.  I’d do that in an instant.  I despise the fact that you can only keep Kaidan forever if you lose Ashley forever, though I don’t see that changing even in a remaster.  Please Bioware, for the super ultra remaster?

I know I need to do another run through the game with Ashley alive. I don’t remember too much of what happens in ME3 when she’s there.

I also love that her story is so much one of family.  From her stories of her sisters, to the point that it’s her own grandfather’s legacy that’s holding her back.  She’s so grounded, she reminds us that there are civilians out there we’re keeping safe, a whole world we rarely see, up in space and in the middle of so much military conflict.

GARRUS.

First of all, whew Garrus looks amazing in the lighting and with the textures with ALOT/MEUITM.  Very handsome.

Interestingly, Garrus does not really loredump on the turians.  We absorb a lot of what we find out about the turians more naturally.  Garrus is more all about C-Sec and the general politics of the Council, of Spectres, of C-Sec.  Gonna be honest, I expected C-sec to play into the game as a whole a lot more than it did based on Garrus’ talks about it.  I mean it was always there, but Bailey ends up being the face of C-Sec 

Garrus’ Law vs. I Do What I Want attitude is a nice way to do a non-goody-two-shoes companion story without having to go evil.  I love that Garrus’ story kinda mirrors our own as players, how are we going to get things done?  Shove a blaster in people’s faces, accept collateral damage, and do whatever it takes to get it done?  OR play by the rules, compromise, and see if that fixes things.

The thing is though, Mass Effect actually is great at giving us the illusion of choice without making a huge difference in the end.  Like I mentioned before... not bringing Garrus to ME1 makes little difference in how he acts in ME2 outside of a few lines of dialog.  Lots of things are like that, like pick Ash or Kaidan on Virmire, and yes one is always gone, but 80% of the content is basically the same from there on out for either character.

There are games out now that do that choice better.  Pathfinder: Kingmaker is one I can think of.  Or Tyranny.  Things you choose can alter the endings of those games drastically, locking entire paths out of the game.  

I used to think that was what I wanted.  Until I played Kingmaker and locked myself out of things I really wanted without realizing it.  I stopped playing the game, sad that my LI dumped me and wouldn’t come back without reloading many, many hours worth of game.  Despite enjoying the game overall, I still haven’t gone back.  When I do play again, I’ll probably keep a lot of tabs open of walkthroughs and tips on how to keep things going how I want.  Kind of defeating the purpose of the game.

Anyway, I got super off track again.  The point is, Garrus is the companion that gives us the most Choice in who he is.  Which is cool.  He illustrates our Paragon vs Renegade dilemma.  And it’s neat that it does make changes in some of the things he says in the future, but overall, his story doesn’t change much no matter what you do (Unless you, ya know, get him killed in ME2).

And therein lies a problem with Mass Effect, and video games as a whole.  It’s neat to see the little changes, but it’s rare for anything to be an actual Big Change, because... that’s a loooot of work for a developer and how much more money is all that going to cost him.

At some point in the future I’ll point out how lucky we are for what we did get, though.

Heeeey it’s Chief Engineer Greg Adams!  I wonder how many people don’t even know he has a first name?  Anyway, thank you for your one short conversation in which you explain how the Normandy works (honestly, great job with explaining this, Bioware, even if the science is ???) and like three sentences on who you are.  Wasted opportunity to give you an actual character.  Glad you like Tali, though!  See you in ME3.

TALI!

Okay, I will totally accept that Shepard doesn’t know much past the basics of quarian society.  That makes a lot more sense than Shepards not knowing much about asari.  

The quarians are so much more of an original creation I feel like than a lot of what we’ve seen in the galaxy so far.  Krogan?  Basically Klingons.  Turians?  Space Romans. Asari?  Twilek/Space Elves but ALL Hot Ladies.  Qarians feel like something new though.

I mean, I guess before they had to live in suits they were pretty normal, but their entire culture doesn’t feel like something we’ve seen everyplace before.  I mean I’ve seen space (g-slur)  but, eh not really.  

And Tali herself is such a good character.  I mean, she does suffer a little from being Very Important with her father being one of five admirals in a population of six million people but, I’ll allow it.  Nobody else on the crew has Very Important Parents.  I mean Garrus’ father is a little high up in the ranks but that’s a non-factor, Ash’s grandfather was but he’s dead and never seen, Wrex’s father is a chieftan but none of those is central to their current story or as big as this one. I mean, Spacer Shep’s own mother is a captain of a ship.  Tali herself in-game isn’t that sexualized -- most of that was the fandom’s doing.  She’s young but also confident and has her shit together.  

She shoulda been a same-sex romance in ME2/3 though, damnit!

Joker. Is. Amazing. And uh, also shoulda been a romance option. 

Hey first of all, how great was it that they put in disabled representation in this game.  I have read a few posts on how it could have been better, and definitely agree, but it’s also been so important to have say, Geordi LaForge as chief engineer of the Enterprise and also Joker here, in space, being awesome on spaceships.  And he really earns his the right to his bravado in calling himself the best pilot in the galaxy.  

Also?  Casting Seth Green was such a great choice.  I couldn’t imagine Joker as anyone else.  I mean this is Bioware so we expect, and definitely got, great voice acting (except for... ugh you know, we’ll get there in ME3) but honestly Seth Green was a particularly good choice.  I don’t care that he’s covered with sixteen layers of plot armor, he deserves it.

He’s the companion that we don’t ever get to take in the squad.  (I mean, except for that brief amazing moment in ME2)

I only wish in ME1 he had as much to say as in ME2/3.  At least he gets cool snarky lines after all the major missions.

One last thing before we get off the ship for awhile, I love that the crew is actually comprised of both men AND women in ME1.  With different hairstyles and faces, and even skin tones.  It’s nice to see they didn’t just reuse the same guy over and over for the nameless NPCs.  

Well, I guess they get names in ME2. :v

Anyway, I would like to point out, that there are seventeen nameless NPCs on the Normandy.

Then there’s Adams, Tali, Garrus, Wrex, Ashley, Kaidan, Chakwas, Liara, Pressley, and Joker.

That’s twenty-seven people and eight sleep pods.  Let’s remove the aliens, who couldn’t fit in a sleep pod (Garrus and Wrex), twenty-five people.  Are there people sleeping in the sleep pods now?  There must be, right?  Everyone can’t be awake when we’re on the ship just because we’re there?  How does that math add up?  Who is sleeping where, HOW DOES IT WORK!?  

Well, that’s their problem. I got my own bed.  Kaidan can share.

Also just... don’t get me started on how stupid this is.  I mean it’s nice having a shop on the ship but... the justification is terrible.  We all know it.  He was counted as one of the 17 nameless, btw.

Okay well, I was going to get off the ship this update but this is already stupid long and honestly I don’t have too much more content to post so, I’m gonna go actually play this game!

#mass effect #kaidan alenko #garrus vakarian #urdnot wrex #liara t'soni #tali'zorah #ashley williams #jeff joker moreau #joker #annakie's mass effect stuff

[elliepassmore]

The Never Tilting World Review

4/5 stars Recommended for people who like: fantasy, multiple POVs, goddesses, magic, demons, LGBTQ+ romance, strong female leads, kick-ass women, women engineers, disability representation, mental illness representation, characters of color, complex morality I will say that for the most part I really enjoyed this book. The concept is fascinating and the characters and world were splendid. I took off a star because, as nice as it is sometimes to not have every detail of a world explained, with something like magic, it does have to be explained to a certain extent. By-and-large I understand how the 'gates' work, but we're dropped right into the terminology within the first couple of pages without explanation and it was a little confusing and took me a few tries to get at it. Then, I just wasn't a huge fan of Odessa and it does take away from the book a little when you just don't like one of the MCs or narrators, but I'll explain more about Odessa when I get to her. Lan, Tianlan, is the first narrator, so I'm starting with her. She's what's called a Catseye (also something whose we had to figure out figure out ourselves), which means she can heal people or inflict sickness upon them in a form of dual magic. Two sides to every coin, right? I really, really love this idea and think it's a fantastic spin on the typical 'healer' character you see in fantasy. I suppose, theoretically, healers could always turn their magic to use by harming people, in fantasy books healers are relegated to only healing, save for here and in Leigh Bardugo's Grisha and Six of Crows trilogy, where healing and harming are seen as two sides of the same magic, though a person typically has more strength in one than the other, so it doesn't come out quite like it does here. I enjoyed being in Lan's POV because she's caught between wanting to do the right thing by the world that's been plunged into eternal night and also wanting to keep Odessa, her lover, safe. I also thought that Chupeco writing Lan has having PTSD after a pre-book incident was refreshing considering the number of books that just skip over the psychological effects events have on characters. This was also an area where Chupeco turned the 'healer' trope on its head a little, as Catseyes can work with physical illnesses and injuries, but also mental ones, taking on the role of healer and therapist (though obviously not for themselves), so not only do we get to see Lan experiencing PTSD, but we also see her coming to terms with it and seeking therapy-like treatment for it, which is pretty unusual in most novels. Despite being in the 'healer' role and having magic that can infect and destroy if she wishes, Lan is also skilled with a blade and hand-to-hand combat and has something of a quick temper. She's definitely the 'protector' type more than anything else and is striving to make sure everyone comes out alright in the end. Odessa comes next, because I'm grouping the characters based on where they're from and Lan and Odessa are both from Aranth. Odessa is one of the daughter-goddesses in the novel who is unaware her twin is alive. She has some kind of chronic illness that prevents her from being very active without tiring out and that Catseyes have been able to treat but not cure. In the beginning Odessa seems like she'll be a pretty good character, a little too doe-eyed and teary for my tastes, but has plenty of potential. Then she starts to get bratty and doesn't seem to have the ability to logically think things through. From a writing standpoint I really appreciate how complex Chupeco makes Odessa and I think within the plot it's super fascinating. It's even explained to us toward the end why Odessa made the sudden turn from teary-but-okay-princess to brat-with-little-rationale, so I appreciate the cleverness of how the reason was woven throughout Lan and Odessa's chapters for us to find but maybe not pinpoint exactly. However, the great reasoning behind it doesn't stop me from not liking Odessa. The weird power-imbalance Odessa has going on with Lan and their relationship that I'm not a huge favor of. They love each other, great, fantastic, I believe that and I actually think they make a great couple in the beginning of the novel. They certainly have a better set-up for a romance than Arjun and Haidee do, though their 'love' is only marginally slower moving, but I'm just a teeny bit uncomfortable with the power imbalance of Odessa being a goddess/princess and Lan being the person assigned to guard and protect her. It's one thing when Lan is serving the crown in some general 'technical' sense and the two of them are in a relationship and it's another thing entirely when Lan is serving Odessa and her mother directly. It would be better, I think, if Lan wasn't serving directly under Odessa or it was like Lan's previous relationship where both girls were rangers. While Lan has no issues disregarding Odessa's commands, the imbalance is still there and becomes a bit of a problem later, but is never fully addressed, so I'm not sure how I feel about that or about some of the scenes with Lan and dark!Odessa. The relationship has the potential in the beginning and it is, for the most part good, but then once the difference in rank and power becomes clearer and Odessa becomes darker I get just a little uncomfortable with it. Haidee is the other daughter-goddess and she lives in the Golden City on the always-day side of the planet. She's what's called a 'mechanika' in the world, but what we would classify as an engineer. She's quick on her feet, fiery, stubborn, and extremely empathetic. In one of her very first scenes she's crying over a days-dead whale, if that's any indication. As much as I love her determination, smarts, and stubbornness, her ignorance of the world and optimistic attitude do grate on my nerves at times. She's just a bit too happy-go-lucky in some instances, though it largely works out for her. I will be fair, Haidee is one of my favorites, but I feel like Chupeco set things up so that Haidee would always have things work out for her and it seems a bit too obvious at times. Despite my dislike of Odessa, things go wrong for her, sometimes very wrong, and while things do occasionally go wrong for Haidee and seem like they'll be bad, I don't ever really get the full-on sense of dread like I do with Odessa. Arjun and Haidee meet by the whale and their first scene involves them trying to kill each other. Naturally, he becomes her love interest. Arjun is, hands down, the funniest person in the entire book. He has a very dry sense of humor and can be extremely sarcastic. He follows along with the idea of prophecies and with Haidee's ideas a little to mellowly for what I'd been expecting given our introduction to him, which I think says more about the whole 'everything works out for Haidee' but than about him. I also enjoy that Arjun decided to go with a prosthetic magical rifle after he lost his hand (not a spoiler, it happened pre-book). I don't know how they engineer the things they do in the desert, but I just found it amusing that instead of engineering a hand or hook or knife or something they went with a rifle that could channel his fire magic. It really fits his personality, honestly. While Arjun's and Haidee's romance is definitely more power-balanced than Lan's and Odessa's, there are still some holes in it. Mainly that they meet and fall in love within the span of the book, which I'm pretty sure takes place over, like, a month. I love fantasy and dystopian, and sci-fi, but oh my god I am getting sick of the quick romances. Chupeco did a decent job of showing why they fell in love and how they respected each other and became friends before they fell in love, but it's still only been a month. Sorry, but I know 19-year-olds, being one and being in college, and I'm just really not certain that your 'month to love' romance is gonna last. There are different depths to love and you can love more than once, but the insta-true-love, will-survive-anything has just, for some reason, been getting on my nerves lately. Maybe in a couple months or years I'll be fine with it again, but right now I'm just not a fan, even if I do like the characters together. The mythology and general world-building in the book is also something I enjoyed. Chupeco keeps the ideas of duality, sacrifice, and "a demoness is what they call a goddess that men cannot control" going throughout the book. It centers around two young goddesses whose mother(s) are goddesses and a world that somehow stopped spinning and split into only-night and only-day, so there's obviously a lot of mythology and magic going into the base of this book. Since the 'Breaking,' as they call it, neither mother-goddess has really told the twins much about previous generations of goddesses. Odessa gets more of an education about it than Haidee does, but both are still largely left in the dark about their world's mythology, which allows Chupeco to reveal it to the reader in a way that feels natural without info-dumping. There's a lot to do with goddesses, prophecies, and rituals that starts to get unpacked in this one, but which mainly sets up for the sequel. I'm super interested in learning more about the goddesses and rituals in the next book and have plenty of theories regarding them. The duality piece of things is interesting, because you don't necessarily recognize it in the beginning or even halfway through the book. It was more toward the end that I began to see what Chupeco was doing with the night-day, ill-healthy, healer-'plague-giver' sort of balance. The goddesses are twins, as all goddesses before them have been, and that set-up is a fantastic literary device for setting up dualities. You can have the good twin vs. the evil twin, the knowledgeable vs. the ignorant, and so many other varieties, and Chupeco plays with a bit of each in each twin. Odessa knows more about their past from the start, but it's Haidee who learns more about it and their world on the way. Odessa starts out as the chronically-ill sister, but Haidee ends up drained and exhausted. Odessa becomes more and more morally complex and dark but still has soft spots, Haidee is blindingly optimistic but has moments of destructive rage. They're set up to mirror and foil one another, yet each still comes together in the end and finds strength in knowing their twin. The girls are quite similar even though the book sets up a lot of their differences. Without giving too many spoilers I can say that this is 100% reflected in where the plot takes us and the things that are revealed. In terms of world-building I thought Chupeco gave us very distinct settings, creatures, and peoples. The night-side of the world is described as very rainy and cold, with threats of storms, kraken, and icebergs. Though Lan and Odessa are only in the city for a short period of time, I remember the impression I got of it. Old bookstores, tall buildings, dreary because of the rain. This is set against the next setting Lan and Odessa experience, which is the borderlands near the Abyss. While these lands are still dark, there's more foliage described as well as eerie lakes, currents made of air that are strong enough to hold ships, and creatures of darkness and shadow. It is also here where the sky begins to lighten as they move closer to the Abyss and the always-day side of the world. This is even more different from the settings Arjun and Haidee encounter. The desert is vast and deadly, full of dangerous scorpions, an acid sea, and a sea of sand complete with sand-dolphins and sand-sea creatures. The desert is full of raiders and nomadic clans instead of shadow people, but the former can be just as deadly. The Golden City is more steampunk than the night city, Aranth, is described to be. It also seems to be full of snootier people than Aranth does, and all-in-all, despite it being a city run by a twin goddess with a twin goddess daughter, Haidee's city is a very different city from the one Lan and Odessa left. Then there's Inanna's Temple and the Abyss itself, which remind me of dawn and pure darkness, respectively, but still have their own distinct feelings and descriptions. It's very easy to get immersed in the world Chupeco has created here and it's one of those rare world-building experiences that makes me wish I could see it artistically rendered. The Never Tilting World is a good book with unique, distinct characters each with their own strengths and weaknesses that are explored throughout the book. Chupeco writes the characters relatively realistically, meaning they deal with physical and mental trauma as well as tough decisions they sometimes respond to poorly. The Arjun-Haidee romance felt kind of rushed and the Lan-Odessa romance felt like it had a power-imbalance I wasn't 100% comfortable with. Since there is another book, however, and since the Lan-Odessa romance had a lot more promise in the beginning than the middle and end, I'm hoping it'll get itself sorted out. I also dinged the book's score because of terminology that we're left to figure out for ourselves that really would've been better if it had just been explained outright. Definitely think it's a good read, though and would recommend picking it up if you enjoy fantasy.

#book #book recommendations #book review #fiction #ya fiction #fantasy #scifi #multiple pov #rin chupeco #disability representation #women of color #lgbtq #lgbtq representation #lesbian characters #magic #grey morals

[venus-says]

Kamen Rider W Episodes 01-18

I like my detectives how I like my eggs, hard-boiled.

(GOSH THAT WAS AN HORRIBLE PUN, I'M SORRY)

If you saw my Kamen Rider Zero-One post you may recall that I've mentioned I had intentions of watching he older seasons of Kamen Rider, and well it happened faster than I thought and here we are.

When I decided to begin by W all I had in mind was that I wanted to start from the earliest era since in my mind this would be the closest o Zero-One's style thus it would be easier for me, in many places I saw they listing the Heisei era seasons divided into two parts so to my logic this would be the season to start.

What I didn't expect was... THAT I'D CHOOSE THE SEASON THAT WAS PRACTICALLY MADE FOR ME. As you can already guess, I LOVED WATCHING THIS. At first, it was confusing as hell, then when I see there's this cool looking dude parking his cool ass bike wearing a cool ass hat, and then when I know this guy is a detective obsessed with detective fiction AND I WAS SOLD! And the more I watch the more I fell in love with it.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, allow me to recollect and give a general overview.

This show has a very simple plot but they shine in this simplicity. Because there weren't any huge ambitions so far it made me feel very close to this world, yes they have monsters who use USB devices on their bodies and there's a dude with google on his brain, but when you put this fantastic element aside they did a good job on making me feel like that city and its people are real. What I really like about this whole thing is the structure of the show where all stories are two-parters, I think it's a good way to fill 49 episodes while keeping a good pace without having to pad things with filler to fulfill a quota. I may have watched 18 episodes but to me it felt like I just watched 9 episodes of a 45 minutes show on Netflix and if I didn't have to write this post I'd definitely had continued watching until a passed out because I didn't feel time passing. Another thing this show has going for is the music, from the opening to insert songs passing through BGM there are a lot of nice tunes and straight out bops in there, I really need to check their soundtrack sometime.

The characters have been very hit or miss to me so far. I really really like Shotaro, to me he's the perfect main character for shows like this because he has all elements we expect from a Red Ranger/Pink Cure but he's not only that, we see his passion but we also see his worries, more often than not he comes as the voice of reason of certain situations, and it's not a thing that happens only in certain episodes to try to pull an emotional moment or to be used as a comic relief, this is present, on a form or another, in all episodes and love it. Phillip in the other hand I have a really hard time with him, his quirk of being SO OBSESSED with things can be seen as cute in some moments but absolutely despiteful in others. Akiko is another part of the cast I dislike, I don't know if she was written to be utterly annoying, or if it's the performance of the actress that is way too much, but I couldn't sympathize with her in any moment.

This show also has great side characters, I don't remember their names but I think I love all of them! The cop duo is great, the informant is hilarious, I don't get Santa's existence on this but he's lots of fun, the ramen dude is kinda charismatic, and they have WTomo as recurring characters which I completely forgot was a thing! The villains are also quite interesting, I don't really like most of the designs of their Dopant forms (Taboo is the only one I like), but to me they have a very interesting dynamic and while their goal so far doesn't seem like anything spectacular, I really enjoy when the show takes its time to give us many looks in this family and gives us the opportunity to see their machinations in detail.

Thinking about the rider, W has a very simple design but it's not a detriment it works very well both aesthetically and as a gimmick, that I really like btw even though I get very uncomfortable when they use finishers where they get split in two. I like even more that Phillip and Shotaro don't need to be at the same place to be able to transform (you should take notes precure). They also have some really nice gadgets, I love the camera bat and the motorcycle for example, and this mix and match of forms gives some very creative combinations and attacks. I still think the belt is a bit too much, but it doesn't bother me like how the Zero-One's does.

This post is already pretty long but I'm talking about 18 episodes, I feel like I need to go through some stories in more detail.

I really like the second story (Episodes 3 and 4), and a huge part of that was how interesting the powers of the Dopant were. At first, I thought we had way too many scenes of Saeko and Kirihiko's wedding but after watching more episodes and seeing how this relationship developed(?) I think we needed to have that.

The story of the girl who lost her father (5 & 6) was a very good surprise to me, the show was very chill so far and then they drop this emotional bomb and OOF. It was amazing, the whole setting was quite interesting, the little girl was very strong and I really felt for her, I hated her mom at sometimes but in others I could understand her, and Shotaro's intern turmoil if he should tell the girl the truth or not was also incredible. I'm still puzzled about how Phillip knew about their special greeting though.

Episodes 7 and 8 were without a doubt my least favorites and the only episodes I straight out hated. To start the "victim" of the week was just the worst dude ever who in the moment their friend decided to go try something else he felt like if it was okay to put her name in to be killed. In whatever way you put it, this isn't cool. and to make things worst THIS SHOW REDEEMS THIS DUDE LIKE IF WHAT HE DID WASN'T EXTREMELY ABUSIVE AND ABSOLUTELY WRONG. Another thing this episode did was make me hate Phillip who was so fucking obsessed with this stupid dance move and showed completely disregard to not only his mission but also the girl in this episode to the point where THEY LOST FOUR MEMORY DRIVERS TO THE VILLAIN BECAUSE HE JUST COULDN'T LET GO OF THIS THING THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY HE WAS RESEARCHING IN THE FIRST PLACE. UGH I hate this story so much.

The story of Episodes 11 and 12 was pretty interesting as well, the way the Virus Dopant worked in here was very clever, and also the thing that started this whole mini-arc was a very interesting topic I wish they had dowelled more on traffic accidents and such instead of going "girl got me because she was being cheated" thing.

Wakana's arc from episodes 13 and 14 was amazing, probably my favorite episodes so far. I thought it was going to be something to comment on the obsessiveness of idol fans, and secretly I wish that was the case rather than a dumb rivalry between two women, but I can't deny that what we got was indeed pretty good. One thing I really enjoyed from this episode was seeing past "victims" return, it shows that this world is alive and that the past episodes weren't just isolated events. It was also very good to see the seed of Wakana's redemption being planted, and the revelation that Phillip is her brother came in a very good way too. Very well rounded episode.

Sadly this can't be said about the next two arcs, they had a major pacing problem for me. I think what both of these arcs needed was more of a connection between the two, especially for Kirihiko's defeat/redemption.

Episodes 15 and 16 are fine, it was the typical "villain takes on the hero's identity to crush their popularity" but that had elevated stakes, but I feel like Phillip and Fang needed to be worked more and maybe if they had left a few things out of both episodes they could've built more into this. And you can kinda say the same about 17 & 18, they tried to do so much in just these two episodes that the major event of one of the lieutenants being defeated felt very rushed. I think they could've left this plot of kids with Gaia Memories and a single Memory being used by multiple people be an arc solely for this problem so they could go really in dept with such an interesting conflict, and let this be a more proper send-off to one of the big bad guys.

Despite said problems, I still enjoyed the shit out of W and I'll definitely try to sneak in a couple of episodes more before going to bed today. This was my first time covering so many episodes at once and I hope it wasn't a dreadful experience to any of you who sit through almost 1700 words of me rambling trying to sound smart. XD You can expect my review of Zero-One's episode 10 either tomorrow or Tuesday and if nothing goes wrong I'll be back next Saturday with another 16 episodes of W to talk about. See ya folks~.

#Kamen Rider W #kamen rider

[everlarkficexchange]

Long Exposure

Prompt 130: Katniss works as a park ranger. Peeta is a photographer/artist coming to said park to find inspiration. [submitted by @wingletblackbird​]

  Rated: Mostly General.

  Tags: Modern AU; Blink-and-you-miss-it humor; Fluffy ending. Under 5K words One Shot. Unbetead. All mistakes are mine.

  Author’s note: I wrote this piece to show my appreciation to @wingletblackbird for her hard work in my first two stories, she did a magnificent job as beta, and her story A Father Figure, it’s amazing— go read it in in the @everlarkficexchange page if you haven’t yet— also Thank you Everlark Fic Exchange for letting me take this prompt so late in the game. You guys rock and I appreciate your work greatly!

KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP

  Peeta pulled out his leather bound booklet and smiled toothily at the cashier in the Visitors Center gift shop. “Do you have one of those seal stamp things, with the name of the park and the date?”

  The woman glanced at the small book that obviously already housed in its pages any number of those stamps from other national parks.

  She rolled her eyes like she was being inconvenienced by the question and waved a hand carelessly to the front door. “Right over there, by the free maps, same place as always. There’s a stack of slips of paper in case you need them. Some people don’t think about the seals until they’re here.”

  “I got it cover!” Peeta announced tapping the booklet against his open hand, smiling broadly at the woman. “Thanks!” Peeta waved enthusiastically, headed to the seal stamps.

  The clerk shrugged, “Good luck.” She muttered flatly, going back to looking bored and ready to turn into a stone gargoyle from not moving.

  It took him a while to visit The Great Smoky Mountains as a grown up, despite living so close the ancient mountains were practically his backyard. Maybe being so close was the reason it took him so long to come back? He had to see the rest of America first, explore the vastness of the country, learning about the amazing sights out there before he was ready to return home to the Appalachian ridges he grew up in.

  Either way, he was glad he was finally here and he had all kinds of photography equipment with him to immortalize the park in this special day; Peeta was a purist, and saw photography as an inspirational art form. He mostly worked with film and natural light, long lenses with attachment filters if needed. He could do color, sepia or black and white and that only meant multiple cameras with the appropriate film and attachment per picture, so he had on him at least three cameras ready to snap at any given time, without counting the three or four back-ups— each in its own bag— and the numerous rolls of film packed in each available crevice in his pack.

  It was lucky every single one of his numerous camera bags and pouches fit nicely into one comfy backpack, otherwise Peeta would’ve looked like a cargo mule wearing a multi pocket vest, cargo pants and hiking boots.

  While he was bent over putting his booklet with the brand new imprint of the park seal inside his pack, a Park Ranger strolled into the Visitor Center ready for a long day in the wilderness.

  The ranger’s gray eyes scanned the room, even standing on the tip of her boots so she could look between the shelves separating the big space in aisles of knick knacks and memorabilia lining the center. She finally rested her eyes on the cashier at the counter.

  “Mornin’ Ms. Ripper, do you know if my eight o’clock is here yet?” The Ranger asked in a raspy voice that somehow fit the Smokies with her heavy Appalachian accent. “Photographer fellow? I’m s’pposed to take him ‘round the park today.”

  Peeta’s head shot up as soon as he heard the ranger speak, and saw how after a moment of dead silence the clerk being as animated and helpful to the ranger as she had been to him, gave a halfhearted grunt at the back of her throat, pointing apathetically at him crouched behind the counter with the seals. The ranger sighed in aggravation and scowled at the mute gesture.

  “Thank you, Ms. Ripper.” She said to the woman, but when she turned away she muttered something like, “Is it too hard to keep things professional?”

  The ranger was petite and thin, if it wasn’t for the scowl and the no nonsense attitude she exuded, Peeta would’ve mistaken her for a teenager dressed up for Halloween in a very authentic Park Ranger outfit. That said, Peeta couldn’t help thinking the ranger was incredibly beautiful— scowl and all— more radiant than the sun, despite not being very big. She was plenty intimidating for such a lithe person.

  “Mr. Mellark,” She called expectantly, staring him directly in the eye.

  Ignoring the excited little jolt he felt go through him, he smiled politely. “Actually, could we stick with Peeta? Mr. Mellark is my Pops and it just sounds weird when you refer to me like that.” he offered jovially, extending his hand to hers, while lifting his pack with the other one. When the ranger didn’t crack a measly smile, he added the word, “Ma’am?” Like an unruly child that had just been chided for not minding his manners.

  The ranger took his proffered hand with a firm grasp and pulled him to his feet, “Ranger Everdeen.” She said, “I have a small list of items I need to go over with you before we can hit the trails.”

  “Alright, lets get on with it, then!” Peeta said smiling.

——————

  The mountain air was crisp and clean, a slight fog still clung to the peaks, but nothing too muggy. The sounds of the wild in perfect harmony with the landscape.

  Peeta had reloaded all his cameras at least once already and it wasn’t even noon yet. He had taken pictures of timid blooms dotting the trails and green lawns; majestic trees towering above his head; wildlife so unafraid of his presence, they’ve crossed the path carelessly and stopped a few seconds to ‘pose’ for him.

  His favorite moment was when a black bear cub wandered up to him while he laid behind a bush, shooting picture after picture of this family of skunks he found particularly endearing and had to captured in film. The ranger had gone ballistic when instead of moving away from the cub and let it be, he started goofing around with the curious bear, letting him play with his equipment and roughhousing with it on the mossy ground.

  After a moment, a second cub joined in the games, and the first one found a cheese bun tucked into the outside pocket of Peeta’s backpack.

  “Are you serious?” Exclaimed Ranger Everdeen exasperated, yanking Peeta up from the ground and forcing him to get away from the bears as fast as was advisable to move. “I can’t believe you just fed the bears! Have you ever heard the phrase ‘Do not feed the animals’? It’s an universal rule, not a suggestion! That’s great, just great, P— er, Mr. Mellark! Feed the bears in front of the park ranger!”

  “Uh, excuse me? To begin with, those babies stole my food without my expressed consent. They fed themselves and didn’t know better. Second I’m having flashbacks to my childhood just now… Yogi Bear would be very disappointed on you miss Everdeen.”

  “Yogi Bear was a cartoon scoundrel that knew no limits, and quite possibly gave Ranger Smith stomach ulcers, or at the very least, anxiety. Those bears back there are very real, and I promise their mama is not far. You really don’t wanna meet her if she thinks her cubs are in danger. Now let’s put some mileage between us and those black bears right now!”

  “What do I care? I have you to defend me!” Said Peeta nonchalantly, “That bio of you I read online while booking the tour says you’re an excellent markswoman with a bow and arrow.” Peeta arched one eyebrow at the ranger.

  She blushed and went momentarily stunned. “You read my bio?”

  “Of course! I was curious to see what the internet had to say about the rangers. Yours was the most impressive by far.” Peeta winked.

  Ranger Everdeen turned crimson, “I’m okay I guess.” She stuttered.

  “You’re better than okay! You’re pretty awesome!”

  The ranger shook her head, causing her braid swing widely. Then she bowed her face, so it was cover by the rim of her hat. “Did I mentioned there are wild turkeys in the park?” The ranger rasped trying to change the subject. “Can’t hunt ‘em though.” She shifted on her feet.

  “You’re pretty when you’re flustered, has anyone ever tell you?” Peeta hadn’t plan on saying that; it just bursted out of him like Mentos dropped in a bottle of Coke.

  Ranger Everdeen glared at him for a moment, pursing her lips tightly. She looked away in an effort to keep her tongue to herself, and started to search intently for signs of a mother bear chasing them.

  A moment later she responded, “Yeah. My boyfriend’s said something to that effect a few times, bless his heart. I think the poor thing is just biased.”

  Peeta frowned. “Hmm… Beauty is the eye of the beholder, but I’m siding with your… um, boyfriend on this. He sounds like a smart person.”

  The ranger smiled fondly to herself. “He’s the smartest, but sometimes his head just swells up ‘til is bigger than a house.”

  “Ouch!” Peeta chuckled, “Don’t hold back ma’am, your boyfriend won’t mind. Although I have to admit, a man that can boast of having a girl that can shoot things full of arrows, is a lucky guy in my opinion.”

  The ranger smirked. “I don’t know about that, but thank you for sayin’ so. It’s mighty nice of you.”

  Peeta nodded politely.

  The walked in silence for a bit, Peeta stopped a few times to snap a picture of a blossom here, a bird in flight there, or just freezing in time the way the sun hit the mountain tops at a certain angle; the ranger and the photographer arrived to a lake teeming with life and flora.

  A few bumblebees zoomed past the two hikers; a butterfly or two fluttered around a bush in bloom; and over the lazy water surface, a dozen dragonflies mingled and frolicked, avoiding the hungry frogs that looked at them with longing. A trio of white tailed deer— a mother and two fawns— drank from the lake at the opposite shore.

  After capturing the pristine scene in film, Peeta crouched on the grass and closed his eyes for a minute, enjoying nature through his other senses. The sound of the rustling canopy in the breeze above, the birds calling mixed with the zooming of different bugs and the croaking frogs, made Peeta want to lay down on the edge of the water and take a nap, but he had some place to be, and a pretty ranger to gawk at while she wasn’t looking.

  The woman was truly breathtaking in the wilderness. She seemed at home and she knew her park like the back of her hand. She explained everything about tracking animals, particularly bears and deer, she pointed out interesting sights to him and had quite a few suggestions of where to put his tripod for the perfect stills.

  Even the lake was her idea, and he was grateful he had let her lead him there.

  “This is truly something else.” Peeta exhaled.

  “It is. Is one of my favorite places to visit. My father used to bring me here on weekends to fish and release, and on really hot days, we even took a dip in the water to cool off.” Said the ranger with a far away look as her eyes traveled over the lake and its surroundings.

  “Those are beautiful memories. Thank you for sharing them with me.” Peeta said humbly.

  The ranger smiled at him, “the very best memories of my life are attached to this mountains. To this park.” She said wistfully.

  Peeta smiled back. “I bet you’ll have a hundred more to add to the collection soon enough.”

  Ranger Everdeen gave him a quizzical look, but before she could voice any questions, Peeta shoot up from his spot like lightning and dove to the very edge of the water, where a green, leafy plant caught his attention.

  “Hey! I know this one, although I’ve never actually seen it in person!” His smile was wide and his camera kept clicking and winding in quick succession.

  The ranger just stood there motionless, watching the man drop on his stomach— huge pack crushing his back and all— to get the angle just right. Her eyes, wide in surprise, simply followed the enthusiastic photographer, wondering if he was for real? How could someone be so exuberantly happy, just about anything they saw? It was refreshing in a way, and intimidating in another. This man with his lopsided smile, sky blue eyes and mop of wavy blonde hair, disconcerted her for sure.

  Peeta suddenly looked up startling the ranger, who turned her eyes away quickly, blushing, having been caught staring, but Peeta didn’t seem to care and simply knelt up, gesturing at the plant.

  “So, this one is Sagittaria Latifolia, the Arrowhead. Also known as—“

  “Katniss,” said the ranger giving the photographer a suspicious look. Her eyes dipped to the name tag on her shirt opposite her Park Ranger badge, with ‘Katniss Everdeen’ boldly engraved in the smooth metal. She narrowed her eyes at Peeta when his smile widened smugly.

  “No, I was going to say Duck Potato, but I guess Katniss is okay too.”

  Katniss, the park ranger, spoke softly, fidgeting with the end of her long, dark braid between her fingers. “My father had this joke, ‘as long as you find yourself, you’ll never go hungry.’”

  “Wise words. Arrowhead tubers I’ve heard are pretty delicious with garlic butter, plus ‘Katniss’ is a great name, especially for a fearless park ranger with he best survivalist skills I’ve heard off.” Quipped Peeta.

  “You’re reaching, sir.” The ranger muttered under her, breath rolling her eyes for good measure, while suppressing a smirk.

  Ignoring her remark, Peeta leaned down to pluck a three petal bloom, from the Arrowhead plant, and offered it to the ranger with a lopsided smile.

  “For you ma’am. Thank you for being such a sport so far. I know I’m not the easiest person to put up with. My mother would tell you if you asked. But you have been a perfect angel, full of patience and good will.”

  Katniss shook her head smiling sadly. “Is my job, to be patient. And you sell yourself short, mister. You’re very nice and considerate when it counts. I hope you know that about yourself.”

  She took the small flower and pinned it behind the slim name tag. The tiny white blossom popped nicely against the sage color of the ranger’s uniform shirt.

  Peeta looked at his watch and frowned. “Miss Everdeen, can we head back to the Visitor Center? I want to take pictures of some of the sights on the way, I think will make this trip exceptional.”

  “Sure. We can take a lunch break there too by the picnic area… If you’re done feeding the bears, that is.”

  Katniss gave Peeta a glare that he responded to with a wry smile.

  “Please, lead the way, ma’am.”

  As they walked, Ranger Everdeen gave Peeta this long spiel about Cades Cove history, located on the Tennessee side of the Park, and some fun facts about some of the old buildings there. A bird flew around the ranger at moment where she was just standing still pointing at some berry bush while lecturing Peeta on the dangers of eating from plants one doesn’t recognize, the little bird landed on her hat, and hopped around the rim for a second or so before taking flight again.

  The ranger let out a small melodic laugh, while Peeta kept snapping photo after photo. They were both smiling and animatedly commenting on the bird’s timing. And then, something started to bother Peeta in the back of his mind.

  He had taken quite a few pictures of the ranger in different instances during the tour, but suddenly, he felt guilty about it. Most of the pictures had been candid and without her knowledge. He thought about the fact she’d mentioned her boyfriend offhandedly earlier in the day, but he was sure the boyfriend wasn’t a common topic to discuss with tourists, which lead him to wondered how would he feel if some random guy was taking a bunch of pictures of the girl he loved without her consent? How would those pictures be used later?

  “Um, just so you know. You will be featured in a few of my takes.” He said glancing at her in the middle of her speech.

  She cocked her head to give him a better look, tipping her hat almost off her head in the process.

  “I know,” she said simply. “Thanks for letting me know, anyways. But it’s kinda hard to ignore all them little clicks while I’m trying to talk.” She gave him a pointed look.

  “Fair enough. I just don’t wanna come across as creepy.”

  The ranger laughed a bit. “I don’t think you’re creepy, but you have to admit you’re a terrible flirt, sir! Are you this suggestive with every female you meet?”

  “N-no!” He rushed to answer, his ears turning as red as beets.

  But when then ranger was smiling devilishly, “I’m just joking with ya!” She winked then.

  Peeta arched one surprised eyebrow, “Are you making a joke, Miss Everdeen?” When the ranger only gave a tight lip smile, Peeta shook his head vehemently, “I’ve travel the country from coast to coast, I’ve noticed every woman I’ve encountered… none of them have made a lasting impression, except for one,” his blue eyes glanced at the ranger meaningfully, but the woman was stubbornly staring at her boots, trying to hide an rising blush.

  “You sure know how to make things feel…” She flounder for a word.

  “Awkward?” He provided.

  Suddenly the two were sharing a laugh.

  “Alright, mister Mellark. I think we should get back to the Visitor Center for a short break.” Said Katniss taking back her Ranger mantle as she guided the photographer to a path she considered picture worthy.

  “I’ll follow your lead, ma’am, always.”

  ——————-

Exactly at 12:32 pm, the Visitor Center building loomed in the distance. The sun was high and warm, the breeze sweet and mild, the noon hour conducive to an impromptu picnic on the inviting lawns like the ranger had suggested, but Peeta kept looking at his watch, tapping the palm of his hand softly into his thigh in a spastic pattern.

  “… so although there isn’t any archeological indication that the Cherokees lived in the mountains, you can certainly find clues of their passage through them. It’s very interesting if you think about it—“

  Peeta turned his wrist up again to check the time, and the ranger frowned, pursing her lips. “But what’s most impressive about the park, is the crop circles left at the very top of the mountain by the alien invasion of 2026. You should hike up there and take pictures of it. You may win a Pulitzer or somethin’!”

  Peeta started nodding his head absentmindedly, the same way he’d been doing the last ten minutes, but then a deep frown took his face; his blue eyes cut to the ranger who gave him an innocent stare.

  “2026? That’s seven years in the future.” He accused.

  Ranger Everdeen gave him a dull ‘don’t-you-say’ glare, “Out of the whole string of ridiculous nonsense I just recited, the date is what registers with you?” She shook her head. “You know what, Mister Mellark? If I’m boring you with all the knowledge I’m trying to share with you, just please come out and say it. That way I won’t feel like I’m wasting my vocal cords on somethin’ you’re not interested in, and you can stop being so rude.”

  “I— I’m sorry. I… look, I didn’t mean to ignore you or make you feel like your time is not valuable to me; it is, really! It’s just… well, there’s something I’m kind of preoccupied about, and I really hope you don’t take this badly… but… um… there’s an ulterior reason I insisted on booking this tour with you.”

  The ranger’s gray eyes widened in alarm at the photographer’s words. Peeta flapped his arms around pathetically for a few seconds while Ranger Everdeen stared suspiciously.

  “What did you, mister?” She asked in a dangerous tone.

  Finally, Peeta pulled his cell phone out if his pocket and send a quick text while throwing nervous glances at the woman seething at him quietly a foot away from him.

  “Why don’t we go this way?” Peeta stammered gesturing to a path just shy of the Visitor Center, his hand ventured to the small of the ranger’s back and while she initially started at the touch, she didn’t move away.

  He guided the very confused woman around a bend, and there, in the green wildflower dotted meadow, sat the most elaborate picnic party Katniss Everdeen had ever seen, complete with her sister, mother, drunk uncle Haymitch, and a group of blonde, blue eyed Mellarks, all beaming at the startled ranger.

  “Peeta Mellark, what’s going on?” She turned to face him with that ferocity she always had when angry.

  But Peeta had stopped walking ten paces earlier, and by the time she had stopped and wheeled around to rim into him, he had dropped to one knee. A small white box in the middle of his palm stared her in the face.

  “Peeta Mellark… you didn’t!” Katniss Everdeen’s voice wobbled, her hand covered her mouth right as her lip started trembling and hot, fat tears started to gather in her eyes.

  A group of Park personal, including Ripper the gift shop cashier, moseyed up to the group, many of them grinning and others exchanging small roll-ups of money. Katniss’ sister, Primrose, jogged to Peeta and took two of the cameras from him.

  “Hi, Katniss… you’re doing great!” Whispered Primrose excitedly, before jogging back to the party and handing one camera over to one of Peeta’s brother’s.

  “She was involved in this, wasn’t she?” Katniss spat.

  Peeta gave her a nonchalant shrug, “Maybe? Depends on how mad you’re right now. Then it was all her idea, 100%.”

  Katniss gave a disbelieving, wet chuckle. “I swear you both are in so much trouble! You better start explaining yourself right this second!”

  Peeta’s lips wouldn’t cooperate, he wanted to

smile, but he actually winced. He tried again and again until his lips curled around the edges.

  “So… here’s the thing,” he started. “I had this awesome speech prepared, but honestly, I can’t feel my legs and my arms are tingling; I think I’m having a mini heart attack right now, so I doubt I’ll be able to remember anything I wanted to say when time came. So, first of all, I’m sorry about the speech.”

  The ranger just shook her head slowly, closing her eyes, so Peeta moved on.

  “Katniss Everdeen, I’ve been in love with you since the first day of kindergarten, the fact that it took me almost eleven years to work up the courage to come talk to you is no secret.” Peeta’s brothers elbowed each other snickering, Katniss threw them a dirty glare that shut them up instantly.

  Peeta swallowed, “You have no idea how relieved I was you didn’t punch me in the face the day I asked you to the Homecoming dance in eleventh grade, and instead accepted the invitation. I was even happier when I blundered my way into asking you out on our first official date, and you agreed to go out with me, under the condition that we came here for a hike.

  “You got me started on the magic of National Parks, and for a while there, you were the only one who didn’t think I was completely crazy for wanting a career as a photojournalist, specializing in nature and tourism. I have to thank you for encouraging my professional ambitions, despite the strain the long distance put on our relationship at times… by the way, you’re an admirable person for making this work without complaining. You’re my rock, my number supporter and fan, and I just wanted to let you know I’m here for you too. I think you’re amazing at what you do, and I’m extremely happy you get to do what you love… so, on the spirit if disclosing important information, I’ve taken a position in a magazine in Charlotte, that will allow me to stay home in Panem most of the year, and I get all kinds of travel benefits, that I can share with my courtesy spouse… but I’m getting ahead of myself here…”

  “Oh dear Lord!” Katniss covered her face with both hands for a second, and get her hands fell away, she was grinning at Peeta still kneeling in front of her.

  “Anyway. I booked a tour with you today because I wanted to ask you a very important question, and all these wonderful people gawking at us right now, are my support team.”

  Everybody laughed and cheered in the background.

  “It’s been a long time coming, Boy!” Called Katniss’ uncle Haymitch from a folding chair under a cedar tree. “Get on with it, the champagne is getting warm!”

  “Hey! No alcoholic drinks in the park!” Katniss yelled back at her uncle, who waved her off.

  “It’s sparkling apple juice, I swear.” Said Peeta to Katniss, then moved an inch to say it again to Katniss’ colleagues in the group, “I swear!” He lifted his hand in a Scouts Honor gesture.

  Again, scattered laughter met the two.

  “Haymitch is right though, keep going.” Said Katniss eyeing the box in Peeta’s hand while biting her lower lip curiously.

  “Right. So, this is the place we had our first date at back in high school, and our first kiss was right by that tree over there… I got poison ivy then, and I swear I still itch thinking about it, but I would do it all over again without hesitation, because the thing is, Miss Everdeen, you’re my whole life, and I want to grow old with you, here, in this little slice of heaven, if you’ll allow it.” Peeta scooted closer, and took Katniss’ hand in his free one while their siblings kept jamming buttons on Peeta’s cameras simultaneously. “So, Katniss Everdeen, I ask you now in your favorite place on Earth, please, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

  A tear rolled down Katniss’ face, she was chewing on the inside of her lips, but she nodded with conviction. “You gotta promise me something though.” She said in a shaky breath.

  “Anything, Sweetheart.” He answered earnestly.

  “The wedding will be here, but you’re not allowed to feed the animals,”

  They both bursted out laughing.

  “Deal. What do you say? Will you marry me?”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  At her nod, Peeta scrambled to his feet, rushing to place the simple pearl ring in his new fiancée’s finger, and then he turned to their families and friends that looked on expectantly a few yards away. “She’ll allow it!!” He yelled waving her pearl clad hand in the air with his.

  Everyone cheered and whooped in the background, Peeta Mellark, the Photographer, kissed the pretty Park Ranger, Miss Everdeen on the lips and then when she was snuggly wrapped in his arms he whispered into her ear, “I wonder how much was the jackpot in that betting pool your coworkers had on?”

  “Me too? Did you bet?” She gave him a narrowed eye look.

  “Always on you, Miss Everdeen.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “Always on us.”

#Springtime Edition 2019 #submission #alliswell21 #wingletblackbird #prompt 130

[lostinthewoods-kristoff]

Kristoff Eindride Bjorgman Character Sheet

Birthday — December 31, 1990 Zodiac Sign — Sagittarius MBTI — ISTJ Enneagram — 9 Temperament — Phlegmatic Hogwarts House — Hufflepuff Moral Alignment — Neutral Good Primary Vice — Envy Primary Virtue — Diligence Element — Earth

Overview:

Mother — Anna Bjorgman (née Olsen) Father — Ole Bjorgman Mother’s Occupation — translator, with knowledge of Sàmi, Swedish, Danish and English Father’s Occupation — Park ranger at Hardangervidda National Park Family Finances — comfortable bit not particularly wealthy Birth Order — oldest Brothers - none Sisters — Freya, 12 years younger, and Agnetha, 14 years younger Other Close Family — The Stone trolls! Best Friend — He doesn’t have one :( Other Friends — The Stone trolls! Enemies — All humans Pets — None, but growing up he had a dog called Kipper and the trolls kept bringing him little baby badgers and deer and things and he just kept calling all of them kipper Home Life During Childhood — serene honestly like he grew up in a valley between two mountains, he spent all of his time outdoors playing, he got to spend a lot of time out in nature Town or City Name(s) — he was born in Oslo, but they moved to Odda for his dather’s work when he was very little Any Sports or Clubs — He played ice hockey and his mam was teaching him to play the guitar Favorite Toy or Game — Schooling — he never went to school! He was too little when he went missing Nationality — Norwegian Culture — uhhh Stone Troll? Religion and beliefs — None

Physical Appearance:

Face Claim —  Boyd Holbrook Complexion — paler 👏🏻 than 👏🏻 pale 👏🏻 Hair Colour — himbo blonde Eye Colour — listen Boyd’s eyes are blue but kristoff’s brown eyes are so important to me so we aren’t talking about it Height — 6’2 Common Hairstyle — sort of long-ish like longer enough to get into his face and v floppy he only discovered scissors like a decade ago Clothing Style — comfy and warm in the winter, comfy and cool in the summer. Fairly basic boring clothes to be honest Mannerisms — mumbles to himself a lot! has a habit of whistling songs the tolls taught him. Yikes face constantly.

Health:

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — he’s probably had a few colds and sniffles since coming to swynlake tbf Physical Ailments — none Allergies —  None Grooming Habits — oh you wanna talk grooming habits with a man who is essentially a yeti? Honestly even tho he probably really enjoys a hot shower after years of bathing in a freezing cold river all that water probably still feels super wasteful so he’s deffo an every few days kinda guy, and yes he is also a seven-in-one conditioner-shampoo-shower gel-lotion-toner-toothpaste-hair removal cream kinda guy why have lots of bottles when you can have one (1) Sleeping Habits — a surprisingly heavy sleeper for someone who lived in the open, but then maybe that’s because he had the trolls to protect him (and also they wouldn’t shut. up.) Eating Habits — eating CONSTANTLY the best thing and one of the only good things about living in town is FOOD what the hell is a cronut and why isn’t there one in his hand right now but honestly lots of fruit and veggies surprisingly healthy Exercise Habits —  he treks in the woods like for a living I guess that’s it Body Temperature — warm always big tall radiator Sociability — he’s trying but it’s early days 3/10 Addictions — none Drug Use — what is a drug Alcohol Use — I figure he once found like a bottle of whiskey or smth in a backpack im the woods one day when he was like 11, took a sip and was like ew and that’s been it ever since

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — being moody af, constantly distrustful, and also nail chewing, and whistling too that’s annoying Good Habits — thoughtful!! Fixes things without being asked, helps old ladies cross the street Worst Memory — probably getting dragged out of the woods by the rescue team when he was 16; the trolls were his family by then and had been for longer than he’d known his birth family so he would’ve been traumatised by getting pulled away from them like that Best Memory — I think probably a more bittersweet memory, one he looks on as being positive is the trolls finding him when he’d gotten lost Proud of — himself, for making it this far Embarrassed by — everything and nothing he’s a complex dude Driving Style — awfully good. Not like *posh British accent* “awfully good” like “he’s simultaneously good at this and going to get us all killed”. He was taught by a farmer one summer so whilst he can’t legally drive, he can actually drive pretty well, but he goes very fast and he doesn’t believe in checking mirrors Strong Points — independent but deeply caring about the people he loves, very resourceful Temperament — he can be quite moody at first but he’s very Soft once you get to know him Weakness — again he can be quite moody and he also pushes people away a lot he isolates himself even if he doesnt necessarily want to be isolated!! Fears — being completely on his own Phobias — enclosed spaces Secrets — i guess he doesn’t have any?? He was like Big News at one point so I guess people know his business Regrets — I honestly don’t know? Like maybe sometimes he regrets not being around for his younger sisters but honestly he does Not regret leaving his family sooo Feels Vulnerable When — he’s not in the forest/with the trolls Pet Peeves — People talking loudly in public places/generally being rude in public places Short Term Goals and Hopes — get a job, make sure he can hold a roof over his head Long Term Goals and Hopes — manage to live in town and be less of a strange in between yeti mam Sexuality — he doesn’t know yet!! He’s never really bwen part of society he doesn’t really know what sexuality is!! He’s had a few Experienxes in the past (he has had his first kiss and that is It) but he needs to learn! Day or Night Person — day Introvert or Extrovert — introvert king Optimist or Pessimist — pessimist tbh

Likes and Styles:

Music — he likes cheesy old 80s songs he remembers them from when he was little and he’s been rediscovering it now, loves it Books — he’s a pretty slow reader so he doesn’t really have any favourite books. But he has a lot of favourite stories that the trolls told him! Magazines — again he’s a real slow reader but he loves those magazines you get from the supermarket that are like,, free and have loads of recipes and shit in Foods — all the foods. All the big ones. Loves ‘em. Will put literally anything in a sandwich because society has not taught him what is and is not acceptable to slap between two slices of bread Drinks — he complains that tap water in town tastes wrong but he’s taking a real liking to coffee, love that shit Animals — all of them!!!!! They’re better than people!!! Color — green and/or blue Jewellery — he doesn’t actually have any jewellery but he does have lots of really cool pebbles that his stone troll fam gave him

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — he lives in benbow now in one of the ground floor apartments and he’s still getting used to it Household furnishings — minimalist af the only furniture he has is what was in the place when he got it so it isn’t much but there’s lots of decoration!! Lots of trinkets!! Favorite Possession — the aforementioned rock collection Relationship with Family — he’s still very close with the trolls, even though he’s living in town now. He misses them a lot!! As for his biological family he doesn’t ever rlly think about his parents but he does think about his sisters every so often he wishes he knew what was going on with them Car — be doesn’t have one but he would like one! Career — is there a word for someone who goes and gets things from the forest for a Price Dream Career — I think he’d like to do smth in nature he honestly isn’t too sure Dream Life — honestly I don’t know, and I don’t think he knows either!! Love Life — nonexistent lmfaoooo Talents or Skills — survival skills? Puts Bear Grylls to shame. Singing voice of an angel.  Intelligence Level — honestly like he’s fairly smart just not Book Smart Finances — get this man a full time job STAT

#( journal. ) #it's ma boi!!! #also thank u to mk who i stole this from lmfao

[wwiilettershome]

6/28/43 Dear Mom,  Received your latest air mail letter this morning.   Tickled to hear that Pete got the $20.00 (1) prize. If I remember correctly, Gene Wells and I used to coach Pete along the lines of “don’t try to [sic] hard to get good marks your first year, but work harder as you go along.” I think the improvement prize is of more value in lots of ways than some of the others. Especially after hearing some of the stories Pete told about Freddy (2) taking books to math exams to make sure he got the correct answer.  I really feel sort of sorry for Phil (3). He is more or less in the wrong thing. The infantry would have been a much better branch for him. If Phil was in the infantry, he would now have at least a Tech Sergeant’s (4) rating. That is, if he was a line soldier. That clerical line is very poor in any branch. Bob Tripp (5) was right when he said he had reached the acme of his career. He won’t go any higher unless they send him to administration school, and I rather doubt that. But they may. I was surprised that they would even consider him for a W.O. (6) With the influx of WAACs (7) into the army, Phil may lose his job in the office and eventually get to be a soldier. (You see, infantry doesn’t  consider these clerical guys soldiers at all.) Since I’ve ben around the army a while, I’ve found out a few things about these ratings and various branches of the service. For instance, the infantry has an A-1 priority on the best physical specimens. Therefor, just because a man goes into air corps ground crew is no sign that he is smarter than a man picked for the infantry. Chances are, his physical condition won’t stand infantry. (Example--Greg Hurd (8)) This is about the way the army, i.e. the men themselves, rate the branches. Toughest, best trained, and the best fighting men - 1) Paratroopers 2) Rangers 3) Infantry 4) Marines. Of course there is some argument about the position of the Marines. The truth about them is this. They receive exactly the same training as the plain infantry soldier but have a better press agent. In Guadalcanal (9), one regiment of infantry, (the 164th, mostly from Mass (10)) took the offensive and cleaned up, where practically a whole division of Marines had merely made a landing and been on the defensive ever after. Of course, that’s not the newspaper story and no Marines would ever admit that. But that is official.  The air corps, both army and navy are rated high, but in a field by themselves. Field artillery and tank corps comes next. Then the medics. That’s not the doctors, but the enlisted men who go around the battlefield and carry you back to the doctors. Speaking of the medical corps (11) in general, most army men have no use for them. They all remind me too much of Everett (12). Whereas a good infantry officer will never say anything to you if you miss a salute once in a while, these damn doctors and dentists who never had any real infantry training will call you on it every time. Look at the difference between Lt. Sprague in the platoon picture and E.F.L. (13). No comparison. Coast artillery is the “old maid’s home” and clerical workers are considered to be the lowest form of mankind.  Of course, all that is speaking in a general sense. Phil Cofenn (14), I think, got stuck. He would make an excellent combat non-com. Not too smart, but Phil has a good degree of common sense and he is used to an active life. The best non-coms at Croft were all country boys.  This outfit that I am in will undoubtedly be looked down upon sometime soon. [some antisemitism that I refuse to transcribe, but you can read in the photo]. Right now we are known as “a picked group,” “the best brains in the army,” “the superintelligent,” and so on.  It’s true that we are all picked on the basis of our I.Q.’s and other exams, but after the war people will probably say “pull.” That is one reason I want to stay in the army for a while after the war. Then no one can say “You took the easiest way out.” People soon forget the truth. As a matter of fact, there are three of us here who were picking the toughest outfits. Charlie Dunham (15) volunteered for the paratroopers, but he was ordered here. “Red” Johnston and myself both volunteered for the Rangers but were ordered here. And there are many others from Rangers, Paratroopers, Mts Troops, etc. All were sent here because of apparent intelligence. Consequently, in order to maintain our respect as soldiers we have to do twice as much as some of the rest.  Well, I guess this is long enough for now. Please don’t repeat too much of this. Some of it (regarding Guadalcanal) is military information of the first degree and I shouldn’t even write about it I suppose.  Love,  Henry (1) $293.22 (2) There’s a last name later in the letter, but it’s not yielding any hits  (3) Don’t know who he is either.  (4) Non-commissioned officer rating - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technical_sergeant (5) Can’t find any relevant links based on this name other than that he lived in Epsom in 1940 and was born in 1912.  (6) Warrant Officer - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warrant_officer (7) Woman’s Army Corps - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%27s_Army_Corps (8) Who was in the Air Corps and also a cattle breeder - https://www.legacy.com/obituaries/unionleader/obituary.aspx?n=gregory-hurd&pid=140029850 (9) The site of a major WWII campaign in the Solomon Islands - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guadalcanal_campaign (10)  Confirmed, partially via Wiki (which has it as a midwest regiment) - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/164th_Infantry_Regiment (11) see - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_Corps_(United_States_Army) (12) No idea if this is a first or last name (13) Maybe Everett’s initials? Unclear (14) I may have deciphered this wrong as it’s not giving me any hits.  (15) Not getting any relevant hits, though there was a young woman with the last name murdered in the 60s.  

[jack-the-sol]

Fantasy AU Lineup: Part 2

I return with more boys. Let’s do this. 

The Aides: 

Richard Kidder Meade/”Richie or “Kidder”: A winged man. He’s the most sensible and stable one. His wings look like a Sea Eagle’s. Unlike many others, he has a tail (covered in feathers. He considers it a pain). He joined the group after getting stranded on one of the islands from a storm and hurting his wing. Upon seeing a need for help, he decided to join the rebellion against the British Navy invading the islands. 

Robert Hanson Harrison/”Robbie” or “Harri”: Another, much smaller winged boy. He cannot hold out during storms. He has the wings of a Military Macaw and isn’t suited for spying, flying long distances, or flying in rough weather. He’s very good at delivering messages and has an amazing memory. Full rainbow (he’s gay). He saves the feathers he loses and adds them to clothes or uses them as quills. He joined later than many of the other aides after literally passing out of exhaustion on the ship from trying to fly through a storm from the British. 

John Fitzgerald/”Fitz” or “Johnny”: Definitely not a winged boy. He’s a shapeshifter, though so he can change however he likes. He has a big crush on Tench. He joined everyone when he was trying to spy on them, but seeing their cause and honesty and courage, he admitted himself and Washington accepted him to the team. 

Tench Tilghman: He was the one that kissed Fitz first and he likes to remind people of that. He’s a pretty normal human, but wickedly smart (good friends with Tallmadge and Hale) and loves books and to write. He’s so used to writing, his hand almost never cramps. What makes him so special then? He can memorize things and never forget them. It’s been proven. He once received an anonymous love message from someone and submitted it to memory before hiding it. He copies every letter he sends just in case, though. 

James McHenry: The doctor. Nobody knows how he does exactly what he does, but he can heal you up better than anyone else. He has helped many of the aides himself when they’ve broken a bone or something. Due to Madison and Alexander’s tendencies to get sick, he’s kept with the aides as an honorary one, and in his free time, he bonds with his ‘brothers’. 

 The Queen’s Rangers: A pod of Killer Whale (Orca) mermaids. They’re allies with Washington’s fleet, though their leader takes orders from no one. They have a bad habit of sinking ships and drowning men before they’re supposed to. They wear special masks and armor, though it’s unclear why. Alex isn’t exactly a fan of them. 

Captain John Graves Simcoe: Captain of the Queen’s Rangers. A merman. He happens to have been assigned to this job by Major John Andre, who is a general that got injured during a battle and forced to stay on one of the islands they’re protecting. He started dating a lovely human man named Major Edmund Hewlett after “successfully failing” to keep prisoners alive, in his own words. He finds the shorter man endearing, even when he’s being scolded. Hewlett hates how ruthless he is, but Simcoe happens to have multiple mental illnesses and needs help, which Hewlett and the Rangers happily provide. 

Major Naval Captain Edmund Hewlett: Once a British Captain, then his boat was sunk by the Rangers under the command of Robert Rogers (who disappeared soon thereafter). After being interrogated by the Continental Navy (they call themselves), Hewlett learned their cause and joined it. He was more than helpful, having experience, but he is definitely not experienced in the fantasy side of things, which the British lack. He loves Simcoe with all his heart. 

Major Naval Captain John Andre: He’s a winged man in love with a mermaid named Peggy Shippen. John got injured during a battle and returned to one of the larger islands, where he vowed his love to Peggy, who gave up her tail to be with him. Unfortunately, British Captain Benedict Arnold is out to get her instead. Andre awaits the day he can go fight him face to face again. 

More to Come! This is only the tip of the iceberg. Below: Examples of the masks and rough, uncolored sketches of the Rangers.

#john andre #edmund hewlett #john graves simcoe #the queen's rangers #washington's aides #the aides! #they return! #richard kidder meade #robert hanson harrison #john fitzgerald #tench tilghman #james mchenry #fantasy au #fantasy au lineup #tench x fitz #sewlett #what would you call fitz and tench? #simcoe is mentally wounded

[poipoipoi-2016]

Since Google Plus is going away,  I’m going to back up Steve Yegge’s platform rant.  And confirm the opening paragraph.  

One thing that struck me immediately about the two companies -- an impression that has been reinforced almost daily -- is that Amazon does everything wrong, and Google does everything right.  Sure, it's a sweeping generalization, but a surprisingly accurate one.  It's pretty crazy.  There are probably a hundred or even two hundred different ways you can compare the two companies, and Google is superior in all but three of them, if I recall correctly.

Looooooong text below the cut

Stevey's Google Platforms Rant I was at Amazon for about six and a half years, and now I've been at Google for that long.  One thing that struck me immediately about the two companies -- an impression that has been reinforced almost daily -- is that Amazon does everything wrong, and Google does everything right.  Sure, it's a sweeping generalization, but a surprisingly accurate one.  It's pretty crazy.  There are probably a hundred or even two hundred different ways you can compare the two companies, and Google is superior in all but three of them, if I recall correctly.  I actually did a spreadsheet at one point but Legal wouldn't let me show it to anyone, even though recruiting loved it. I mean, just to give you a very brief taste:  Amazon's recruiting process is fundamentally flawed by having teams hire for themselves, so their hiring bar is incredibly inconsistent across teams, despite various efforts they've made to level it out.  And their operations are a mess; they don't really have SREs and they make engineers pretty much do everything, which leaves almost no time for coding - though again this varies by group, so it's luck of the draw.  They don't give a single shit about charity or helping the needy or community contributions or anything like that.  Never comes up there, except maybe to laugh about it.  Their facilities are dirt-smeared cube farms without a dime spent on decor or common meeting areas.  Their pay and benefits suck, although much less so lately due to local competition from Google and Facebook.  But they don't have any of our perks or extras -- they just try to match the offer-letter numbers, and that's the end of it.  Their code base is a disaster, with no engineering standards whatsoever except what individual teams choose to put in place. To be fair, they do have a nice versioned-library system that we really ought to emulate, and a nice publish-subscribe system that we also have no equivalent for.  But for the most part they just have a bunch of crappy tools that read and write state machine information into relational databases.  We wouldn't take most of it even if it were free. I think the pubsub system and their library-shelf system were two out of the grand total of three things Amazon does better than google. I guess you could make an argument that their bias for launching early and iterating like mad is also something they do well, but you can argue it either way.  They prioritize launching early over everything else, including retention and engineering discipline and a bunch of other stuff that turns out to matter in the long run.  So even though it's given them some competitive advantages in the marketplace, it's created enough other problems to make it something less than a slam-dunk. But there's one thing they do really really well that pretty much makes up for ALL of their political, philosophical and technical screw-ups. Jeff Bezos is an infamous micro-manager.  He micro-manages every single pixel of Amazon's retail site.  He hired Larry Tesler, Apple's Chief Scientist and probably the very most famous and respected human-computer interaction expert in the entire world, and then ignored every goddamn thing Larry said for three years until Larry finally -- wisely -- left the company.  Larry would do these big usability studies and demonstrate beyond any shred of doubt that nobody can understand that frigging website, but Bezos just couldn't let go of those pixels, all those millions of semantics-packed pixels on the landing page.  They were like millions of his own precious children.  So they're all still there, and Larry is not. Micro-managing isn't that third thing that Amazon does better than us, by the way.  I mean, yeah, they micro-manage really well, but I wouldn't list it as a strength or anything.  I'm just trying to set the context here, to help you understand what happened.  We're talking about a guy who in all seriousness has said on many public occasions that people should be paying him to work at Amazon.  He hands out little yellow stickies with his name on them, reminding people "who runs the company" when they disagree with him.  The guy is a regular... well, Steve Jobs, I guess.  Except without the fashion or design sense.  Bezos is super smart; don't get me wrong.  He just makes ordinary control freaks look like stoned hippies. So one day Jeff Bezos issued a mandate.  He's doing that all the time, of course, and people scramble like ants being pounded with a rubber mallet whenever it happens. But on one occasion -- back around 2002 I think, plus or minus a year -- he issued a mandate that was so out there, so huge and eye-bulgingly ponderous, that it made all of his other mandates look like unsolicited peer bonuses. His Big Mandate went something along these lines:  1) All teams will henceforth expose their data and functionality through service interfaces.  2) Teams must communicate with each other through these interfaces.  3) There will be no other form of interprocess communication allowed:  no direct linking, no direct reads of another team's data store, no shared-memory model, no back-doors whatsoever.  The only communication allowed is via service interface calls over the network.  4) It doesn't matter what technology they use.  HTTP, Corba, Pubsub, custom protocols -- doesn't matter.  Bezos doesn't care.  5) All service interfaces, without exception, must be designed from the ground up to be externalizable.  That is to say, the team must plan and design to be able to expose the interface to developers in the outside world.  No exceptions.  6) Anyone who doesn't do this will be fired.  7) Thank you; have a nice day! Ha, ha!  You 150-odd ex-Amazon folks here will of course realize immediately that #7 was a little joke I threw in, because Bezos most definitely does not give a shit about your day. #6, however, was quite real, so people went to work.  Bezos assigned a couple of Chief Bulldogs to oversee the effort and ensure forward progress, headed up by Uber-Chief Bear Bulldog Rick Dalzell.  Rick is an ex-Armgy Ranger, West Point Academy graduate, ex-boxer, ex-Chief Torturer slash CIO at Wal*Mart, and is a big genial scary man who used the word "hardened interface" a lot.  Rick was a walking, talking hardened interface himself, so needless to say, everyone made LOTS of forward progress and made sure Rick knew about it. Over the next couple of years, Amazon transformed internally into a service-oriented architecture.  They learned a tremendous amount while effecting this transformation.  There was lots of existing documentation and lore about SOAs, but at Amazon's vast scale it was about as useful as telling Indiana Jones to look both ways before crossing the street.  Amazon's dev staff made a lot of discoveries along the way.  A teeny tiny sampling of these discoveries included:  - pager escalation gets way harder, because a ticket might bounce through 20 service calls before the real owner is identified.  If each bounce goes through a team with a 15-minute response time, it can be hours before the right team finally finds out, unless you build a lot of scaffolding and metrics and reporting.  - every single one of your peer teams suddenly becomes a potential DOS attacker.  Nobody can make any real forward progress until very serious quotas and throttling are put in place in every single service.  - monitoring and QA are the same thing.  You'd never think so until you try doing a big SOA.  But when your service says "oh yes, I'm fine", it may well be the case that the only thing still functioning in the server is the little component that knows how to say "I'm fine, roger roger, over and out" in a cheery droid voice.  In order to tell whether the service is actually responding, you have to make individual calls.  The problem continues recursively until your monitoring is doing comprehensive semantics checking of your entire range of services and data, at which point it's indistinguishable from automated QA.  So they're a continuum.  - if you have hundreds of services, and your code MUST communicate with other groups' code via these services, then you won't be able to find any of them without a service-discovery mechanism.  And you can't have that without a service registration mechanism, which itself is another service.  So Amazon has a universal service registry where you can find out reflectively (programmatically) about every service, what its APIs are, and also whether it is currently up, and where.  - debugging problems with someone else's code gets a LOT harder, and is basically impossible unless there is a universal standard way to run every service in a debuggable sandbox. That's just a very small sample.  There are dozens, maybe hundreds of individual learnings like these that Amazon had to discover organically.  There were a lot of wacky ones around externalizing services, but not as many as you might think.  Organizing into services taught teams not to trust each other in most of the same ways they're not supposed to trust external developers. This effort was still underway when I left to join Google in mid-2005, but it was pretty far advanced.  From the time Bezos issued his edict through the time I left, Amazon had transformed culturally into a company that thinks about everything in a services-first fashion.  It is now fundamental to how they approach all designs, including internal designs for stuff that might never see the light of day externally. At this point they don't even do it out of fear of being fired.  I mean, they're still afraid of that; it's pretty much part of daily life there, working for the Dread Pirate Bezos and all.  But they do services because they've come to understand that it's the Right Thing.  There are without question pros and cons to the SOA approach, and some of the cons are pretty long.  But overall it's the right thing because SOA-driven design enables Platforms. That's what Bezos was up to with his edict, of course.  He didn't (and doesn't) care even a tiny bit about the well-being of the teams, nor about what technologies they use, nor in fact any detail whatsoever about how they go about their business unless they happen to be screwing up.  But Bezos realized long before the vast majority of Amazonians that Amazon needs to be a platform. You wouldn't really think that an online bookstore needs to be an extensible, programmable platform.  Would you? Well, the first big thing Bezos realized is that the infrastructure they'd built for selling and shipping books and sundry could be transformed an excellent repurposable computing platform.  So now they have the Amazon Elastic Compute Cloud, and the Amazon Elastic MapReduce, and the Amazon Relational Database Service, and a whole passel' o' other services browsable at aws.amazon.com.  These services host the backends for some pretty successful companies, reddit being my personal favorite of the bunch. The other big realization he had was that he can't always build the right thing.  I think Larry Tesler might have struck some kind of chord in Bezos when he said his mom couldn't use the goddamn website.  It's not even super clear whose mom he was talking about, and doesn't really matter, because nobody's mom can use the goddamn website.  In fact I myself find the website disturbingly daunting, and I worked there for over half a decade.  I've just learned to kinda defocus my eyes and concentrate on the million or so pixels near the center of the page above the fold. I'm not really sure how Bezos came to this realization -- the insight that he can't build one product and have it be right for everyone.  But it doesn't matter, because he gets it.  There's actually a formal name for this phenomenon.  It's called Accessibility, and it's the most important thing in the computing world. The. Most. Important. Thing. If you're sorta thinking, "huh?  You mean like, blind and deaf people Accessibility?" then you're not alone, because I've come to understand that there are lots and LOTS of people just like you:  people for whom this idea does not have the right Accessibility, so it hasn't been able to get through to you yet.  It's not your fault for not understanding, any more than it would be your fault for being blind or deaf or motion-restricted or living with any other disability.  When software -- or idea-ware for that matter -- fails to be accessible to anyone for any reason, it is the fault of the software or of the messaging of the idea.  It is an Accessibility failure. Like anything else big and important in life, Accessibility has an evil twin who, jilted by the unbalanced affection displayed by their parents in their youth, has grown into an equally powerful Arch-Nemesis (yes, there's more than one nemesis to accessibility) named Security.  And boy howdy are the two ever at odds. But I'll argue that Accessibility is actually more important than Security because dialing Accessibility to zero means you have no product at all, whereas dialing Security to zero can still get you a reasonably successful product such as the Playstation Network. So yeah.  In case you hadn't noticed, I could actually write a book on this topic.  A fat one, filled with amusing anecdotes about ants and rubber mallets at companies I've worked at.  But I will never get this little rant published, and you'll never get it read, unless I start to wrap up. That one last thing that Google doesn't do well is Platforms.  We don't understand platforms.  We don't "get" platforms.  Some of you do, but you are the minority.  This has become painfully clear to me over the past six years.  I was kind of hoping that competitive pressure from Microsoft and Amazon and more recently Facebook would make us wake up collectively and start doing universal services.  Not in some sort of ad-hoc, half-assed way, but in more or less the same way Amazon did it:  all at once, for real, no cheating, and treating it as our top priority from now on. But no.  No, it's like our tenth or eleventh priority.  Or fifteenth, I don't know.  It's pretty low.  There are a few teams who treat the idea very seriously, but most teams either don't think about it all, ever, or only a small percentage of them think about it in a very small way. It's a big stretch even to get most teams to offer a stubby service to get programmatic access to their data and computations.  Most of them think they're building products.  And a stubby service is a pretty pathetic service.  Go back and look at that partial list of learnings from Amazon, and tell me which ones Stubby gives you out of the box.  As far as I'm concerned, it's none of them.  Stubby's great, but it's like parts when you need a car. A product is useless without a platform, or more precisely and accurately, a platform-less product will always be replaced by an equivalent platform-ized product. Google+ is a prime example of our complete failure to understand platforms from the very highest levels of executive leadership (hi Larry, Sergey, Eric, Vic, howdy howdy) down to the very lowest leaf workers (hey yo).  We all don't get it.  The Golden Rule of platforms is that you Eat Your Own Dogfood.  The Google+ platform is a pathetic afterthought.  We had no API at all at launch, and last I checked, we had one measly API call.  One of the team members marched in and told me about it when they launched, and I asked:  "So is it the Stalker API?"  She got all glum and said "Yeah."  I mean, I was joking, but no... the only API call we offer is to get someone's stream.  So I guess the joke was on me. Microsoft has known about the Dogfood rule for at least twenty years.  It's been part of their culture for a whole generation now.  You don't eat People Food and give your developers Dog Food.  Doing that is simply robbing your long-term platform value for short-term successes.  Platforms are all about long-term thinking. Google+ is a knee-jerk reaction, a study in short-term thinking, predicated on the incorrect notion that Facebook is successful because they built a great product.  But that's not why they are successful.  Facebook is successful because they built an entire constellation of products by allowing other people to do the work.  So Facebook is different for everyone.  Some people spend all their time on Mafia Wars.  Some spend all their time on Farmville.  There are hundreds or maybe thousands of different high-quality time sinks available, so there's something there for everyone. Our Google+ team took a look at the aftermarket and said:  "Gosh, it looks like we need some games.  Let's go contract someone to, um, write some games for us."  Do you begin to see how incredibly wrong that thinking is now?  The problem is that we are trying to predict what people want and deliver it for them. You can't do that.  Not really.  Not reliably.  There have been precious few people in the world, over the entire history of computing, who have been able to do it reliably.  Steve Jobs was one of them.  We don't have a Steve Jobs here.  I'm sorry, but we don't. Larry Tesler may have convinced Bezos that he was no Steve Jobs, but Bezos realized that he didn't need to be a Steve Jobs in order to provide everyone with the right products:  interfaces and workflows that they liked and felt at ease with.  He just needed to enable third-party developers to do it, and it would happen automatically. I apologize to those (many) of you for whom all this stuff I'm saying is incredibly obvious, because yeah.  It's incredibly frigging obvious.  Except we're not doing it.  We don't get Platforms, and we don't get Accessibility.  The two are basically the same thing, because platforms solve accessibility.  A platform is accessibility. So yeah, Microsoft gets it.  And you know as well as I do how surprising that is, because they don't "get" much of anything, really.  But they understand platforms as a purely accidental outgrowth of having started life in the business of providing platforms.  So they have thirty-plus years of learning in this space.  And if you go to msdn.com, and spend some time browsing, and you've never seen it before, prepare to be amazed.  Because it's staggeringly huge.  They have thousands, and thousands, and THOUSANDS of API calls.  They have a HUGE platform.  Too big in fact, because they can't design for squat, but at least they're doing it. Amazon gets it.  Amazon's AWS (aws.amazon.com) is incredible.  Just go look at it.  Click around.  It's embarrassing.  We don't have any of that stuff. Apple gets it, obviously.  They've made some fundamentally non-open choices, particularly around their mobile platform.  But they understand accessibility and they understand the power of third-party development and they eat their dogfood.  And you know what?  They make pretty good dogfood.  Their APIs are a hell of a lot cleaner than Microsoft's, and have been since time immemorial. Facebook gets it.  That's what really worries me.  That's what got me off my lazy butt to write this thing.  I hate blogging.  I hate... plussing, or whatever it's called when you do a massive rant in Google+ even though it's a terrible venue for it but you do it anyway because in the end you really do want Google to be successful.  And I do!  I mean, Facebook wants me there, and it'd be pretty easy to just go.  But Google is home, so I'm insisting that we have this little family intervention, uncomfortable as it might be. After you've marveled at the platform offerings of Microsoft and Amazon, and Facebook I guess (I didn't look because I didn't want to get too depressed), head over to developers.google.com and browse a little.  Pretty big difference, eh?  It's like what your fifth-grade nephew might mock up if he were doing an assignment to demonstrate what a big powerful platform company might be building if all they had, resource-wise, was one fifth grader. Please don't get me wrong here -- I know for a fact that the dev-rel team has had to FIGHT to get even this much available externally.  They're kicking ass as far as I'm concerned, because they DO get platforms, and they are struggling heroically to try to create one in an environment that is at best platform-apathetic, and at worst often openly hostile to the idea. I'm just frankly describing what developers.google.com looks like to an outsider.  It looks childish.  Where's the Maps APIs in there for Christ's sake?  Some of the things in there are labs projects.  And the APIs for everything I clicked were... they were paltry.  They were obviously dog food.  Not even good organic stuff.  Compared to our internal APIs it's all snouts and horse hooves. And also don't get me wrong about Google+.  They're far from the only offenders.  This is a cultural thing.  What we have going on internally is basically a war, with the underdog minority Platformers fighting a more or less losing battle against the Mighty Funded Confident Producters. Any teams that have successfully internalized the notion that they should be externally programmable platforms from the ground up are underdogs -- Maps and Docs come to mind, and I know GMail is making overtures in that direction.  But it's hard for them to get funding for it because it's not part of our culture.  Maestro's funding is a feeble thing compared to the gargantuan Microsoft Office programming platform:  it's a fluffy rabbit versus a T-Rex.  The Docs team knows they'll never be competitive with Office until they can match its scripting facilities, but they're not getting any resource love.  I mean, I assume they're not, given that Apps Script only works in Spreadsheet right now, and it doesn't even have keyboard shortcuts as part of its API.  That team looks pretty unloved to me. Ironically enough, Wave was a great platform, may they rest in peace.  But making something a platform is not going to make you an instant success.  A platform needs a killer app.  Facebook -- that is, the stock service they offer with walls and friends and such -- is the killer app for the Facebook Platform.  And it is a very serious mistake to conclude that the Facebook App could have been anywhere near as successful without the Facebook Platform. You know how people are always saying Google is arrogant?  I'm a Googler, so I get as irritated as you do when people say that.  We're not arrogant, by and large.  We're, like, 99% Arrogance-Free.  I did start this post -- if you'll reach back into distant memory -- by describing Google as "doing everything right".  We do mean well, and for the most part when people say we're arrogant it's because we didn't hire them, or they're unhappy with our policies, or something along those lines.  They're inferring arrogance because it makes them feel better. But when we take the stance that we know how to design the perfect product for everyone, and believe you me, I hear that a lot, then we're being fools.  You can attribute it to arrogance, or naivete, or whatever -- it doesn't matter in the end, because it's foolishness.  There IS no perfect product for everyone. And so we wind up with a browser that doesn't let you set the default font size.  Talk about an affront to Accessibility.  I mean, as I get older I'm actually going blind.  For real.  I've been nearsighted all my life, and once you hit 40 years old you stop being able to see things up close.  So font selection becomes this life-or-death thing:  it can lock you out of the product completely.  But the Chrome team is flat-out arrogant here:  they want to build a zero-configuration product, and they're quite brazen about it, and Fuck You if you're blind or deaf or whatever.  Hit Ctrl-+ on every single page visit for the rest of your life. It's not just them.  It's everyone.  The problem is that we're a Product Company through and through.  We built a successful product with broad appeal -- our search, that is -- and that wild success has biased us. Amazon was a product company too, so it took an out-of-band force to make Bezos understand the need for a platform.  That force was their evaporating margins; he was cornered and had to think of a way out.  But all he had was a bunch of engineers and all these computers... if only they could be monetized somehow... you can see how he arrived at AWS, in hindsight. Microsoft started out as a platform, so they've just had lots of practice at it. Facebook, though:  they worry me.  I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure they started off as a Product and they rode that success pretty far.  So I'm not sure exactly how they made the transition to a platform.  It was a relatively long time ago, since they had to be a platform before (now very old) things like Mafia Wars could come along. Maybe they just looked at us and asked:  "How can we beat Google?  What are they missing?" The problem we face is pretty huge, because it will take a dramatic cultural change in order for us to start catching up.  We don't do internal service-oriented platforms, and we just as equally don't do external ones.  This means that the "not getting it" is endemic across the company:  the PMs don't get it, the engineers don't get it, the product teams don't get it, nobody gets it.  Even if individuals do, even if YOU do, it doesn't matter one bit unless we're treating it as an all-hands-on-deck emergency.  We can't keep launching products and pretending we'll turn them into magical beautiful extensible platforms later.  We've tried that and it's not working. The Golden Rule of Platforms, "Eat Your Own Dogfood", can be rephrased as "Start with a Platform, and Then Use it for Everything."  You can't just bolt it on later.  Certainly not easily at any rate -- ask anyone who worked on platformizing MS Office.  Or anyone who worked on platformizing Amazon.  If you delay it, it'll be ten times as much work as just doing it correctly up front.  You can't cheat.  You can't have secret back doors for internal apps to get special priority access, not for ANY reason.  You need to solve the hard problems up front. I'm not saying it's too late for us, but the longer we wait, the closer we get to being Too Late. I honestly don't know how to wrap this up.  I've said pretty much everything I came here to say today.  This post has been six years in the making.  I'm sorry if I wasn't gentle enough, or if I misrepresented some product or team or person, or if we're actually doing LOTS of platform stuff and it just so happens that I and everyone I ever talk to has just never heard about it.  I'm sorry. But we've gotta start doing this right.

[pikkish-moved]

For Koppai

In which Alph is nervous about the mission on which he is about to embark

It was only 20:34, and Alph could already tell it was going to be a long night.

He sat at his desk, mindlessly doodling sketches of various types of rockets and starships. Though a few rays of twilight filtered in through his bedroom window, the main source of light in the room was his desk lamp. In the corner of his desk sat an empty plate, sticky with the remaining juice of a fruit dinner.

An expensive commodity, in today’s fruit crisis. But Alph was privileged to be the grandson and protege of the greatest starship builder of Koppai- and possibly of the whole known galaxy. He was lucky enough to eat better- not necessarily well, but better- than most of Koppai’s general population.

Besides, as one of the four Koppaiates chosen to go on the Save-Koppai-From-Starvation mission, Alph had been repeatedly told in the last few months that he needed to be eating better to stay in top condition for the mission.

Alph thought it was a little unfair that he was potentially starving other Koppaiates when he was supposed to be saving them, but he figured that it would (hopefully) balance out when he returned home with plenty of fruit.

If he returned home, that is. In fact, that whole idea was the one that he knew was going to be keeping him up all night. Because tomorrow was the day he would be leaving, and he didn’t know if he would be making it back.

So even though he still had a while before he should be in bed, he knew he wasn’t going to be sleeping anytime soon.

The last light had faded from the sky outside when there was a knock at Alph’s bedroom door. At a confirmation from Alph, Grampa Drake proceeded into the room, an excited grin on his face.

Grampa Drake was, without a doubt, of the same blood as Alph. The two shared the same face shape, the same nose, the same wide, excited eyes, and the same shock of bluish hair, albeit Drake’s was graying, and Alph had gotten his hair cut recently. They differed in that Drake had a generally larger frame than Alph, taller and broad-shouldered, and that his skin was darker and wrinkled with age.

“Well, sport?” The older Koppaiate asked his descendant. “Ready for your big day tomorrow?”

At the mention of the topic, Alph just let out a groan, letting his head fall on the desk.

Grampa Drake just let out a small chuckle, setting a hand on Alph’s shoulder. “Nervous?”

“...Uh-huh.”

“Can’t say I blame you! After all, the whole of Koppai is depending on you!”

“Grampa Drake!”

The old man just let out a hearty laugh. After a moment, though, his joking failing to lift his grandson’s spirits, Drake let out a sigh. “You’re going to do just fine, Alph.”

Alph just groaned again. “...You should be going, not me. You’d be better at this!”

That prompted another laugh from Grampa Drake. “Maybe forty or fifty years ago I’d go, but I hardly think I’d be cut out for adventure now!”

“Yeah, but-“ Alph gestured, trying to express in vague hand motions what he could not in words.

“But nothing. You are more than prepared for this, Alph. And my ship needs a good mechanic to keep an eye on her! I can’t think of anyone I’d trust more to do the job.”

That earned a small laugh from Alph, however on edge he might be. For as much as Grampa Drake had been against the exploratory vessel being named after him, he still had put an immense amount of work into the ship, and took a great deal of pride in it. Alph had no doubt that the S. S. Drake was the finest starship his grandfather had built to date.

The small Koppaiate’s mood sobered quickly again, though, and he let out another nervous sigh, looking down at his hands. “But… what if I do something wrong? What if I mess up? And what if…”

Grampa Drake reached down to take up one of Alph’s hands in his own. While Drake’s hands were certainly bigger, they shared with Alph’s the same loose pattern of callouses from years of using the same tools, and the same darkened fingers, stained with grease that would come out only with time, regardless of the amount of soap used, and the same rough, uneven nails, filed down not intentionally, but by hard work.

“That won’t happen, Alph. You’re smart, you’re quick, and you work better than you think you do under pressure. And, on top of that, out of all the thousands of Koppaiates applying for the position, you were chosen for the mission.” Here, a wry smile lit the old Koppaiate’s face. “Which means all my praise isn’t just my grandparental love for you speaking, it’s been officially confirmed by the people overseeing this mission.”

“... Heh. Yeah, I guess so.”

There was a moment of comfortable silence between the grandfather and grandson.

Then Grampa Drake released Alph’s hand and gave Alph a light slap on the back. “Anyhow, sport, you’ve got to get up early tomorrow! You should at least try to get some sleep!”

To this Alph agreed- though he doubted it could be achieved.

✿✿✿

Alph stood at one of the S. S. Drake’s viewports, watching as the greyish marble that was Koppai slowly grew smaller in the distance. The Drake had left the planet only a few hours ago, and already, Alph was missing home intensely.

The send off for the heroes of Koppai had been a surprisingly small affair. Sure, there had been tv cameras and a few news reporters, but the entire thing had been considerably quieter than Alph had expected. Grampa Drake had come to see him off, of course, but none of Alph’s siblings had shown up. Brittany had only her aunt to say goodbye to. And Captain Charlie had come alone.

Unfortunately, the fourth member of the crew had become quite sick in the night, and wouldn’t be joining the expedition to PNF-404. There hadn’t been time, either, to find a replacement.

And before Alph knew it, Grampa Drake had given him one last hug and whispered quietly that he would be with his grandson always in spirit (that’s why he had allowed the ship to be named the Drake, after all), and then Alph was aboard the ship, and the ground was already fading below.

Closing his eyes, Alph heaved a sigh.

“Something on your mind?”

“Ah-!!” Alph started. “Captain Charlie! I- I didn’t know you were there!”

“Hm.” Captain Charlie crossed his arms over his chest.

Alph looked back to the window, back to the ever-shrinking planet. “I-... was just thinking, how little time we were given to say goodbye, and…”

“And how long it might be before we see them again,” Captain Charlie finished.

Alph blinked. Captain Charlie had seemed so confident, so sure of himself and of the mission when they took off. Alph was astonished to hear the Captain voicing the same doubts as he, in such an even voice.

But of course, it made sense. Captain Charlie had been a space ranger. He had probably made similar departures time and time again, not knowing if some danger might take him away from his home for longer than he had expected. Not knowing when he would return home, if he would return at all.

“... Yeah,” Alph replied quietly. “That.”

For a long moment, Captain Charlie simply stared out the viewport, eyes presumably locked on the planet. Then, looking at Alph, he said, “Koppai is depending on us. We will return. We must return.”

Alph just looked away and nodded.

He had never had much trouble sleeping away from home, and he had spent many nights already aboard the Drake when it was being built. But that night, Alph spent far too long awake in his cabin, quietly sobbing into his pillow.

✿✿✿

“Alph? Are… Are you okay?”

At the sound of his name, Alph blinked awake. He was in the pilot’s seat of the Drake, a multitude of lights and screens idly flashing various bits of information at him.

“Huh?” He responded drowsily, turning the chair to face whoever had addressed him. “Y-yeah. I’m fine.”

“Really?” Brittany responded skeptically, leaning against the doorframe. “Because you weren’t answering your comms, and when I came in here to find you, it seemed an awful lot like you were asleep.”

Alph laughed a little sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. “I- I guess I may have dozed off there for a few seconds.” What would Brittany, or Captain Charlie, think of him now, knowing that he couldn’t be trusted to stay awake at the helm?

“Yeah, you may have. Anyway, I was trying to comm you because it’s dinner time.” Brittany held out a glass full of thick, blue fruit juice. “You’re lucky you’re not Charlie. I probably would’ve just drank his rations for him if he were late.” Then she frowned a little. “Don’t tell the captain I said that.”

Laughing just a little, Alph accepted the juice. “Only if you don’t tell him I was asleep.”

Brittany just waved off Alph’s concern. “Just between you and me, I think Charlie’s the only one of us who has been getting enough sleep. And that’s only because Mr. I’m-A-Space-Ranger can pretty much fall asleep on command.”

“Yeah. He’s pretty well self-disciplined.”

Brittany frowned. “That’s… one way to put it, certainly.”

Alph didn’t really know how to respond to that, so he just kept drinking his juice ration.

“Anyway,” Brittany stood up straight, “I should be getting back to my cabin. Some of us don’t have the luxury of afternoon naps in nice, quiet cockpits, and actually have to try to sleep at night in our cabins.”

Alph laughed a little. “I guess I’ve got to stay up and finish going over these diagnostics reports.”

Brittany nodded. “That’s probably a good plan.” She turned to leave. “Goodnight, Alph.”

Turning back to the dashboard, Alph realized he was smiling just a bit, the first time he had really smiled since embarking on this mission. “‘Goodnight, Brittany.”

✿✿✿

One week on the Drake, and everything was going as well as planned. The Koppaiates still had a good three weeks left before they made it to PNF-404, but this far, they had had no issues in their mission.

Alph had managed to settle in, and no longer had any trouble sleeping. Though he still missed home, he had more or less come to terms with the distance, and managed to suppress and dull the nagging worry of a lack of a return.

That didn’t mean his anxieties were over, though. Far from it, in fact.

Alph was well aware that, of the three of them there, he was the least accomplished. Captain Charlie had a long history as a space ranger, and Brittany was famous for her botanical research. And Alph… he was just Alph. World-recognized engineer Drake’s grandson, sure, but that meant nothing as far as his own achievements. He was unproven, had no acclaim to fame, or even hard work in the eyes of his crewmates. Alph was also the youngest of the three, which he was sure only added to their doubts of his capability. And even though there was some sort of tension between Brittany and Captain Charlie that Alph didn’t really understand, he still knew they often shared a worried glance behind his back when he wasn’t looking.

And Alph knew why. They didn’t know if he could be trusted to perform when their lives depended on it. And Alph didn’t blame them for that. He was nervous of it, too.

He only hoped that, when the time came, he would be able to do what he needed to.

✿✿✿

A week and a half, the Koppaiates has been steadily making their way towards Koppai’s salvation.

It was the middle of the night- or, rather, what Alph’s circadian rhythm and the Drake’s lighting systems determined was the middle of the night, as there really wasn’t any planetary rotation in the middle of space to determine night and day.

Nonetheless, it was effectively the middle of the night aboard the Drake, and Alph was sleeping soundly. He slept through the subtle shudder that ran through his grandfather’s beloved ship. He slept through the red emergency lighting suddenly flicking on. He even slept through the pneumatic hiss of his cabin’s door opening.

He did not, however, sleep through Captain Charlie suddenly shaking him awake, shouting his name. “Alph! There’s something wrong with the ship!”

Alph snapped awake, sitting up so fast he almost smashed his head into Captain Charlie’s. With only a glance at the captain, Alph sprang off his bunk and raced for the door. In the corridor, He was met by Brittany, who had an expression to match the captain’s.

Alph merely ran by her, sprinting for the ladder down to the Drake’s lower decks. Once on the floor with the Drake’s main engine and warp drive, among other various vital mechanisms, Alph paused only to snatch up his toolbelt, then he was running along again, heading for the warp drive, which was evidently the problem, going by the flashing red lights on its control panel. On arriving there, he quickly unlatched the maintenance panel, only to be greeted by a cloud of smoke and a shower of sparks.

Coughing and grimacing, Alph pulled away. Needless to say, that wasn’t good. Without the main warp drive the ship couldn’t travel in deep space, meaning that the Drake was currently just drifting in the void.

Which meant Alph had to fix it. Quickly.

Hearing but not really processing what Captain Charlie said behind him, Alph quickly hit the emergency shutdown on the control panel, grabbed a screwdriver from his toolbelt, and leaned forward, reaching into the machine. The smoke seemed to be coming from one of the hyperspace booster transformers, so that was what Alph decided to check first, and he began to unscrew the top paneling of the ventilated box.

With the warp drive shut down, Alph could work without immediate fear of being electrocuted or flash fried. But that didn’t mean the system wasn’t delicate and he could proceed without concentration, not to mention the fact that making an error in the repairs could end up making things worse. So he put all his concentration on sorting through the smoldering wiring and damaged circuitry.

Behind him, Brittany and Captain Charlie watched in apprehension, but Alph paid them little mind, only answering any queries with a distracted grunt. His full attention was on the machinery before him.

Eventually, after completing what he thought were sufficient repairs, he pulled away, and turned the warp drive back on via the control panel. Then he turned to Brittany. “Will you go up to the cockpit and start the warp drive?”

Brittany just nodded.

“Great! Comm me when you get there.”

Brittany gave Alph a slight frown. “Alph… you don’t have your comm unit. Or even you koppad.”

Alph blinked a little, and then realized what Brittany was talking about. When Captain Charlie had woken him up, he hadn’t paused to grab anything out of his cabin, so he didn’t have anything but his toolbelt, really…

And, Alph realized with a bit of an embarrassed blush, he hadn’t changed, either. He was still wearing his pajamas, a striped flannel shirt and matching pair of sweatpants (he wasn’t even wearing socks), both now thoroughly covered in grime and even a few singe marks from the sparks.

“Oh,” he said softly, kind of at a loss for words. “Right.”

Brittany just shook her head, presumably exasperated. “I can use the Drake’s intercom.”

“You could just comm me,” Captain Charlie suggested, “and I can relay anything to Alph.”

Brittany gave Captain Charlie a sidelong look. “That’ll be slower. I’ll just use the intercom.” And before Captain Charlie could argue, she was already heading for the ladder.

“Ri-ight,” Alph said slowly. “Now we just wait for her to start the warp drive.”

Captain Charlie gave a single affirmative nod. “You think you fixed it, then?”

Alph nodded. “It was a little tricky, because some of those lines run directly to and from the cosmic drive key, and I had to reroute some of the power, so there’s a small chance it might knock out the key. But if it does, I shouldn’t have too much trouble getting that working again, too!”

Captain Charlie smiled, just a little. “Good.”

Then the intercom crackled to life, and Brittany’s voice rang out through the ship. “Alright, Alph, I’m in the cockpit. I’ll set the warp drive to the first setting.”

In a moment, the big machine started humming, and Alph kept a wary eye on the control panel, waiting for any sort of warning message, so he could hit the emergency shutdown again. When no warning presented itself, he gave a small nod and relatched the maintenance panel. “Looks like it’s working!”

Captain Charlie smiled again, and Alph thought he saw just a glimmer of pride in the captain’s eyes. “Good job, Alph. Now go get yourself cleaned up, and get some sleep. It is still the middle of the night!”

“Yessir, Captain Charlie!”

✿✿✿

Alph’s repair work held up just fine, and the Drake was quickly back on course. And Alph noticed a sort of shift in Captain Charlie and Brittany’s attitudes towards him, too, however subtle and unconscious it might’ve been. There were no more of those silent glances behind his back, no more of those quiet whispers of concern. Alph appreciated immensely this change.

Only a day or so away from PNF-404, the biggest problem aboard the Drake was the crew’s antsiness, the cabin fever and boredom that burned to be released from the confines of the ship.

Alph was sitting in the bridge, his back to the wall, messing with his koppad. The powerful computers were incredibly versatile devices, and a skilled programmer could get them to do some extraordinary things. Currently, Alph had explained to Brittany when she asked, he was trying to connect the Drake’s fruit analysis system to the koppads, so that the results of the analysis could be viewed at any moment on the koppads. On hearing this, Brittany, presumably out of boredom, had volunteered to sit in the Drake’s analysis chamber so Alph could see if it was working.

After finishing the program he had written and remotely loading it into the Drake’s computer, Alph opened a comm channel to Brittany. “Alright, Brittany! I’m going to start the program.”

“Okay!” Came the response. “Let me know if it works!”

Alph nodded, even though Brittany couldn’t see him, and ran the program. In a few moments, an image of Brittany popped up on his koppad. “Oh! Looks like it’s working.”

“What does it say?”

“It says you’re a Koppaiate!”

“Oh, good,” Brittany giggled over the comm, “I was wondering about that!”

Alph just laughed.

“We should get the captain in here,” Brittany continued, “and see if the Drake has anything to say about him!”

Alph only gave a small chuckle at Brittany’s remark, but made no addition. He respected Captain Charlie to think of insulting him, but Brittany missed no opportunity to do so. Of course, this only worked to benefit Alph’s respect for Captain Charlie, as the captain never reprimanded any of Brittany’s remarks. Alph knew he sure would have been annoyed if one of his crew started rampantly insulting him!

As if summoned by Brittany’s remark, Captain Charlie suddenly strode into the bridge. After a quick glance around, he turned to Alph. “Where’s Brittany?”

“In the fruit analysis chamber!” Alph replied, holding his Koppad out to Captain Charlie. “See?”

Captain Charlie looked sorely confused. “...Why is Brittany in the fruit analysis chamber?”

“She’s helping me test a new program for the Drake’s analysis system!”

Captain Charlie blinked a little. Then he just shook his head and opened a new comm line to Brittany. “Brittany, would you please report to the bridge?” And Alph heard a muffled affirmative through Captain Charlie’s comm. In a few minutes, she joined Alph and the captain on the bridge.

After greeting Brittany with a small nod, Captain Charlie addressed both his crew. “Alright, in less than forty eight hours, we’ll be beginning our descent onto PNF-404. As captain, I’ve determined it to be wise to once again go over our plans, and make any preparations we can for landing.”

Alph nodded. He managed to keep a calm appearance, but he was just about bursting with excitement. Only two days until they were on an alien planet!

As the trio went over the plans for landing, Alph’s excitement only grew. In less than two days, he would be walking on a planet no one before he and his crewmates had ever been on. He would be one of the first to see plants and animals and all variety of things no one else had ever seen before. And he, Alph, would be there to save Koppai.

#pikfic #pikmin #pikmin 3 #Alph (pikmin) #Brittany (pikmin) #Captain Charlie (pikmin) #pikmin fanfiction #hey look no misery this time #also i have no idea how to write the koppaiates #i similarly have no idea if i did their personalities right #this might be totally out of character for all of them #i have no idea #but i did as good as i could #also #did you know alph canonically has 14 siblings #i learned that while i was writing this #pikmin fic

[ladyofmind]

October Wrap Up

Hey everyone! Sorry for the silence... been busier than even I can keep up with, and also found out that the last Music Monday I had a few weeks back- well it didn’t post so I was quieter than I intended to be...

But it is NaNoWriMo time now, so there should be time to settle in and post like mad to update you all, and write my 50k! After all, I have no plans to be anywhere this November. Fingers crossed nothing else goes crazy on me.

Without further chatter, game answers after the jump.

#CharactersHell

1- Rooms for rent above an active and lively bar, for as long as you like* (*Mgmt not responsible for any damage from the cat or other beings if you leave your door open/unlocked.)

2- Not in the expected way. Most of the monsters are the human Antags. The antags are motivated by jealousy and obsession. Other characters have their own personal demons, or else they aren’t really human...

3- Not real monsters, not really. The Antags are over the top in their issues, but they are rarer. Everybody has some kind of issue though.

4- Frost? That grumpy man is actually a bit of a softy inside… If not, Sly mixes up some ugly looking boozy milkshakes that are pretty tasty!

5- That would be the Antag. Tim is a sort of threat in waiting, one that slips around a bit like the snake he is. The incidents he is involved in are hard to figure out until after it happens...

6- My world is no different than our world. There is divinity in the form of God etc, but it really plays no part in my story.

7- Same world, same dire predictions. Only difference is, it’s a brothel, so one can assume they may already be in hell…

8- Most interesting job? That’s a toss up… It’s an interesting place to work in general, but I’m torn between Woods being in a band, or Tweety, the one in somewhat charge of all the other looney tunes….

9- Best Co-worker award goes to Malta. There is no one else likely to push, prod, and sometimes accidentally beat ya up to have a good time, while respecting limits. Unlike the constant party pusher Bebe, Malta can tell when you need the push, and when you just need a cuppa tea.

10- Most of the time, the networking person is Tweety, as everyone knows her and gets connected by her. But for this, I have to give it to the guys. Nira has a lot of connections from before bar life, music man Martin is always networking and improving his career, and Frost? Well the giant makes friends thru fights. Might not be a lot, but they are the best connections…

11- This is a little bit of everyone really. Malta, Frost, and others don’t do it intentionally, it’s more of a language barrier. Sly is the master of deflection to the point you still don’t know very much. That may be why Tweety sees him as an equal, as everyone assumes they know her, but they never know a thing. She doesn’t lie, just turns things around on ya.

12- Woods is about/has turned professional famous musician, depending on which book you read… Tweet is just really good at talking to people and getting everywhere from it.

13- Antags- Sofia has some fans yes. She’s a strange boss with a back story & has some loyal workers until she does things to mess that up (her MO). Tim on the other hand? Well, he’s liked for what his skills & the more unstable/broken sorts love him to obsession.

14- The Antags are good for backstabbing! Tim and Sophia work together for the mostly common goal, but in places there’s differences. For instance, a rigged auction is supposed to end in Tim’s favor. Doesn’t mean S can’t make more money off of him if he wants it that badly…

15- Tim gives me the creeps. There’s this thing he does that makes me feel violated too, so I know it will be good in the end… I just need recovery time after him.

16- Tweet isn’t monstrous… but it is a pain sometimes, writing for an always happy sort, even if you want to have her fight back against things.

17- Tim is as direct as a blunt log to the face can be. He’s more bull in the china shop. Sophia is the mastermind, making her puppets dance in that web way. You can 100% assume she’s behind something, but you’re hard pressed to prove it…

18- With Tim, smarts is the easy part. It’s Sophia you match wits with, if you have to at all…

19- Woods isn't really vicious… maybe some biting comments while holding a grudge. Tweet is always the “kill 'em with kindness” type

20- I think the side chars are very active in their own ways to push this story forward. Some are even pushy as hell!

21- Ok, so Frost isn't exactly wrathful towards the MC so much as ornery and wrathful at everyone… but he does blame Tweety for flaring his ulcer with her ideas.

22- Not all that hard for me, as I don’t force my characters into doing things they wouldn’t do anyway. I try to learn who they are first and go from there.

23- I don’t really use red herrings, not intentionally. There may be one or two accidentally...

24- So zen! I throw on some earphones blaring my playlist and forget that people exist. The absolute worst is when you’re writing so well, and then someone scares you by interrupting you!

25- I’m not really into the sweets. Once in a while, but mostly my writing runs off potato chips or pretzels. Crunchy and salty balances the romance writing well!

26- #FF #followfriday with interesting stories by: @nomdejillian @TGNeal @SkeptiCybrarian @marshawritesit

27- Halloween was fun when I was a kid. Now I enjoy making Halloween-y cookies and giving them out to people I like, since we never have trick or treaters where I live. One year per the Halloween cookie costume rules, I dressed in all grey with a bell on… Jingle bell rock ya’ll!

28- Not a prankster, so not very wrathful at all. Halloween isn’t a big deal near me.

29- Oh I think I did that already! False arrest of the sweet one anyone?

30- So this is a boost for our Co-Host @manual_arbanassi! His amazing, well rounded character work in #Tiogair is great. Plus he totally shares that character building with all of us with both this game and #CharactersTell!

31- After work where I have to avoid a kids book sale while having a bills closing day? Relax and maybe watch a Halloween-y movie. Really, I am more excited about #NaNoWriMo starting at midnight.

#SciFiNaNoPrep

1- Hi, Nicole here. I was fairly certain for #NaNo I would continue my #RedLetters #series, but this Mars idea won’t let go. It has an outline, so maybe this prep will help me change course?

2- For this Mars idea? 50K or whatever it takes to finish this idea. Definitely looking to start it.

3- It’s very similar in that it’s our Earth, and an exploration of the Mars planet we think we know.

4- The not so very distant future. My research says I need at least 4 years, so mid to late 2020’s

5- Planet Mars for about 90% of it. There’s a little Earth training time, and possibly other planet flash backs.

6- Both generally advanced Earth tech, and some stuff for Mars that feels like #spoilers (plus I need to sort that out –Note to self on more #prep!)

7- Haven’t quite named them… but I do know there’s some diversity and a female MC/narrator

8- That’s definitely a #spoiler! I can say that it’s a “greet the way you’re greeted” thing…

9- Oh, I’m showing my age here for sure… but like Sailor Mercury from Sailor Moon or the original Power Rangers Billy the blue ranger come to mind… for their smarts and calmness.

10- There are both Earth “children” and adults, plus some Martian life.

11- Earth customs, sure, all the standard ones. Martian customs fall into “show you, you decide what happens” things. Because the message/meanings are important sometimes.

12- #FF #followfriday with #scifi writers: @RagingCyclone @authorASMcGowan @mae_mckinnon and a bunch of people at #wipworldbuilders

13- I would say somewhere in between, as it largely depends on which side you see it from. Just because it’s Utopia to one may be dystopia to another. Similar to the grass being greener on the other side theory.

14- Earth politics are the same. Mars doesn’t have politics in the same way. They have more rule, order and understanding.

15- Mars is more science and study, so they are more guardians less lawyers in that sense. They have systems for everything, but mostly they do not have crime within their own ranks. Outsiders are a different story.

16- Oh lots! I am taking some of the known things about planets and life and tying it together to give credible conspiracy theory if you will. Might even include Nikola Telsa…

17- As Mars is a drier planet- with more wind storm, less water, the idea of hydro anything doesn’t work. Plus they have a better greenhouse process that makes planting in the ground useless.

18- There is really no focus on currency in this idea, as shooting for different themes, money being the root of trouble not one of them.

19- ATV type things above ground, underground tunnels with everything from walking to hovering transports.

20- I enjoy a reasonable time travel story. Not the type that appear there just to be there, or where the tech that travels person is hokey. More like Timeless, Krypton, or Doctor Who on good days.

21- On Mars there is advanced tech where medicine as we know it is obsolete. A little more nanites and lasers a lot less oral pills and rectal anythings.

22- Mars is a dry windy planet without water, in comparison to Earth’s visible habitats.

23- Mars grows things without name at the moment, but it is edible, like all things people make do with.

24- Standard Martian wear is something of a lab coat but resistant to its environmental elements.

25- Anything can be a weapon in untrained hands…

26- #FF upcoming writers

27- Earthlings go to school and are trained for space exploration. Martians learn by doing.

#RomanceNaNoPrep

1- Hi, Nicole here. Library worker by day/night/weekend, writer every other chance. Currently two and a half books into my #RedLetters series. So far all I’ve ever written falls into womens fiction category.

2- For Red Letters? 50K is just going to start it. They end up being easily 80-100K, even if its more like 200K words that have to be split into two different books...

3- Romance is my sub genre, as it reads more like womans fiction first. But the other books in the series cover more of the slice of life/journey stuff. This one would have a heavier romantic tone.

4- I love a good believable romance. Whether it starts off as a one night stand or getting to know each other first, the characters have to be real and well rounded. Funny is a plus but not cartoony or asks me to assume too much.

5- Depends on the mood. If I need a little escape, a sweet romance will do the trick. But if I need to be reminded of what it’s like to be human outside of working too much or need a serious escape, steamy tends to have a better grip on me.

6- #RedLetters started as an RP… don’t know where the 💜 of romance came from, but I’ve been writing about it as long as I can remember. Helps that hubs & I have been together 10+ yrs & we’re good friends first. Learned lots about relationships from that alone.

7- The main characters in #RedLetters has always been Naomi, better known as Tweety and the musician Woods. There is a whole host of other characters that are important, and Greg may become an MC… if he stays Greg of course.

8- Well, it’s not really a special meaning, so much as an inside joke. Tweety got her nickname from an outfit she wore, and a drunk-ish Cockney woman. The rest as they say is history…

9- Honestly? Kind of a fan of Emma Stone. Looks sweet and innocent, but can be sassy and a bit sexy too. All around package, inside and out I think.

10- I might have the Evil Other Woman cliche… At least on the surface. Hoping the history fleshes this out to be a full story not just a mad woman scorned thing...

11- Big fan of sassy heroines (aka no weak and fainty unrealistic women) and maybe a touch of the second chance at love thing…

12- #FF #followfriday  @MaeBaumWriter @klimov_author  have been #prepping with me since day one... plus I like the stuff @K_A_Grayson  does in her rockstar #romance...

13- When they first met, Tweety was about 21/22. Woods was 24/25. When they meet again about 5 years later, Woods is 30, Tweety will have a birthday in that book.

14- The characters are struggling 20's. Woods is higher in class while trying to do it himself. Tweety's poorer & finding herself. Inside the bar/club, social status doesn’t matter, & in some cases, makes you less important the more important you assume you are.

15- Woods sister approves, eventually. Tweety doesn’t talk to her parents, instead relying on Frost the manager to be her father figure. After a good bit of threatening during a chat with Woods, Frost approved too.

16- In this book? Friendly enemies. Tweety is not happy to see him, but she is never a rude sort, more the kill with kindness type. Woods is more eager to charm her into regretting her choices and occasionally bringing up the past, even if facts are distorted...

17- What brings Tweet and Woods together? A certain book… you know when you get that déjà vu feeling? Except you have proof from your side of the tale too. Trouble is that the truth has its own version…

18- What’s keeping them apart? Lots of hurt pride, broken hearts, completely different lifestyles… But even with all that past, the thing that made them unique is still there.

19- Remember yesterday, when I said different lifestyles? Yeah. West coast musician with a wildly successful touring band vs an East coast wildly famous bar/nightclub owner. One is always on the go, the other is happily rooted to one spot. Plus the same problems as last time- other people.

20- Woods can be a bit too thick headed or obtuse for Tweet’s liking. Woods isn’t exactly annoyed by her running off tendency, but it isn’t making his days any better either.

21- Well, this pair have been together before, and neither were all that innocent then. But since then… One has gone full on flavor of the month style, while the other is much more cautious about their reputation.

22- Woods & Tweet = the infamous Ghostbusters “don’t cross the streams” thing. It’s a peppy flirt who makes you question if she’s as naïve as she sounds vs a rogue with all the manners of that bad boy you need to leave with. Their game is holding out the longest & upping the stakes…

23- Their first kiss? Very steamy yet semi polite in front of the crowd… You see, it was Halloween, and there were sexy costumes… someone didn't speak, just acted, and the rest is... in the book!

24- In this series, I love that Tweet and Woods flirt at the level of chess moves sometimes. Tweety makes a man play on her level or the game is over. If you use tired lines or give the answer she expects when giving you enough rope to hang yourself… well she’s already over it.

29- Favorite quality about-

Tweety- She’s amazing at making people feel welcome and free to be themselves.

Woods- He’s got an awesome amount of patience and tolerance. The not being jealous adds to his charms.

30- Least favorite quality about-

Tweety- Always with the bright, happy side even if it hurts…

Woods- He picks up a ghost nickname for a reason you know.

31- This has been fun, and I’m totally ready for #NaNoWriMo! (Sits and waits for the clock to strike 12…)

#CharactersTell

1/10- “Oh, it’s my favorite month! Halloween weekend parties are our best buiness, and the most fun! Of course I have to come chat about #RedLetters with you all. You all know me as miss Tweety...”

2/10- Tweety- “Why i’m your hostess with the most-ess! I run the front of house at Soulful, in addition to being a co-owner.”

3/10- Tweety- “It’s only lonely in the sense of responsibility. Otherwise, I have a ton of staff and regulars around at any given time.”

4/10-Tweety- “I guess? I’m great with a lot of things, but Nira is best with the finances, so I leave that to him. Since I started being a waitress, I had him investing & asked for what I needed to buy clothes with. Best way to pay him back for the couch surfing.”

5/10- Tweety- “My time off is usually when I sleep. Now there is some help so I can leave before I start falling asleep, but other than writing, I wouldn’t know what to do with time off.”

6/10- Tweety- “Adventure happens all around the club. You never know what Bebe will do when bored, at least my job and the respect given to me, keeps the place from falling down around it all.”

7/10- Tweety- “Well, I would hope that my kindness keeps me in high esteem… Why else would we be so packed all the time? I know there are those against me, because I built a following from scratch.”

#CharactersTell

8/10- “I'm Greg, Gus’ grandson and recent college grad with a degree in business.”

9/10- Greg- “I had a few odds jobs, some for the experience more than the money, but yeah I work a lot.”

10/10- Greg- “I'm not nefarious. Just a regular guy with an inheritance that apparently affects others…”

11/10- Greg- “That's what I'm trying to decide! A piece of a prosperous club or a life on my own…”

12/10- Greg- “Trying not to do that with this choice. You know, this isn't really helping me decide, not when you're highlighting the downsides…”

13/10- Greg- “Progressive. Smart, firm when I have to be. Not overly nice, you will know I'm the boss.”

14/10- Greg- “If I decided to take the ownership, it's really like a slow raise. Or I sell it and make a windfall quick…”

#CharactersTell

15/10- Rolls in on those shoes with wheels inside “Duranta at your service, but everyone calls me Runta! Soul’s not so resident clothing designer and somewhat personal shopping friend to Tweet, if you must know.

16/10- Runta- laughs “Of course not! It takes money and patronage to become a designer who makes money. They wanted me to have a different sort of full time boring work.”

17/10- Runta- “I’ve made a few fashion week shows, and have some amazingly supportive fans who basically are fashion influencers in their own rights...” #spoilers

18/10- Runta- “Sure, I mean clothes and fashion is how you see a person, so of course people have stereotypes based on looks, but I don’t play that game.”

19/10- Runta- “Absolutely! Networking is a big part of what I do! Connections get me everywhere.”

20/10- Runta- “Total workaholic! A friend of mine says that if you love what you do, it’s not working, but living. And I am living for this life!”

21/10- Runta- “I learned a few things from the place I got my start. Hire people good at what they do, and that you can stand being around constantly. So yeah, the people who work for me become a family, since we’re together that much.”

#writer #game #twitter game #answers #charactershell #characterstell #nanowrimo #prep #romance #scifi

[dawfsaf]

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[blah-blah-stranger-things]

The Monk (Chapter 1/2)

The Party plays D&D at the cabin, and the damn place is too small for Hopper not to overhear.

My first Stranger Things fic. Hope you enjoy! ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14260926/chapters/32891049

Chapter 2

"Ok, nerds, prepare to be awestruck. This is what, 7d6 fire damage, one per level, plus - "

"First of all it's per caster level, you're multiclass. Second of all the spell is capped at 5d6, so even if - "

"That's such bullshit! So your girlfriend gets to incinerate everything in the room and I'm stuck taking potshots?"

"It's not bullshit, Mayfield, it's the rules. You're the one who insisted I help you pick out an ability set for a Zoomer, and that meant multiclassing. Lucas, a little help here?"

"Hell no. I'm recusing myself."

"Smart move, Stalker."

"Pah. Your glorious red mane is clouding his judgment. It's always better to min-max."

"...what the hell does it mean to min?"

"No - min-max. Not you, the word max. As in 'maximum.'"

"A min-max lecture coming from the bard..."

"Oooh, burn from Will the Wise!"

"7d6 fire damage?"

Hopper rubs his temples. The boys all laugh in response to El's quip, a helpful reminder as to why he's allowing all this in the first place. Socialization. It's good for her. If it's not safe for her to wander around town yet, at least she can enjoy herself with friends now and then. It's nice, he reminds himself. Worth a few hours of wanting to stab his eardrums through with a pen.

With anything, really, but the pen's handiest, and likely more effective than rolling up one of the case files in front of him and making a play for deafness-by-papercut. Callahan's handwriting is hard enough to parse without a litany of nerdspeak assaulting him from behind. Somehow this Dungeons & Dragons shit is even worse than the stereotypes had led him to believe. Jesus - when he was Wheeler's age he was fixated on a very different pair of Ds, that's for sure. Granted the thought of him thinking of El that way...

Hopper rubs his temples again.

Ok - the file. Thief only took items from the Valentine's display, so definitely a crime of opportunity. But in Callahan's interview notes from the -

"Woo, sneak attack! Multiclass that, asshole!"

"The guard goes down with a sickening groan. But when you move away you open yourself to an attack of opportunity from - "

Focus, Jim.

...right. Shopkeep said it happened after the doors were locked, and there was no sign that any of the locks had been tampered with, which suggests an inside -

"INSOLENT FOOLS! FACE THE WRATH OF ARIYBAR THE PROFANE! SOON, YOUR FLESH WILL ADORN MY HALLS AND YOUR ENTRAILS El stop looking at me like that, this is supposed to be, like, intimidating."

"Sorry. You're adorable."

Four dramatic groans.

- an inside job. Or else, uhh... what was he thinking about again? Right - or else the shopkeep is a dope or a liar. He skims the list of employees. Let's see - Carmichael, Hayes, Daniels... wasn't it somebody by the name of Daniels he locked up overnight just last week for -

"Pew pew! Pew pew!"

"Dustin that's not what Magic Missile sounds like."

"It could be."

"That's lasers. It's anachronistic."

"Oh so you're saying they didn't have sound effects in medieval times?"

"Anyway, while the bard and ranger are distracted by this fascinating conversation, Will you manage to get past the gnome to the door. Inside is a short hallway with a door at the end and a passageway off to - "

Hopper grinds his teeth. Ok. Maybe better to save the critical thinking for later. There's got to be some good old-fashioned paperwork around here somewhere. God knows Flo spends enough of her time berating him about it. He lights a cigarette, shuffles papers until lines requiring his signature manifest. Time off request for Powell - fine. Signed. Office supplies requests... let's see. Coffee's an office supply, right? Eh better safe than sorry. Oh, and he brought home all that extra tape for El around Christmas, after the, uh, mishap with the first round of present-wrapping. Is he out of staples? Not that he ever staples things, but they're fun to flick into the garbage can on slow days. Could probably use -

"Oh shit guys that's gotta be where the princess is. I have dibs when she decides to throw herself into the comforting arms of her rescuer."

"Dustin you're a halfling. If she throws herself into your arms you'll both fall over.

"Screw you."

"You open the door and there she is, golden hair shimmering in the sunlight pouring through the fortress window. Her room is tiny, with only a bed and a small wash basin, but even if it were enormous your eyes would be drawn straight to her. She's as beautiful as the rumors said, and though she looks nervous at first she soon greets you with a grateful smile."

Hopper closes his eyes and his forehead twitches. Office supplies. Think about office supplies.

"Fear not, m'lady! Your heroes have arrived to see you safely back to - "

"So, like, is this it? Campaign done? I know we get a reward back in town, but I kind of figured this Profane guy would have a treasure trove or something. He had that whole side business with the cursed amulets, he must have earned - "

"Hey, Zoomer, shut it. You're killing the mood."

"'Actually,' the princess interrupts, 'he did mention something to one of his lieutenants about a store room behind the bookcase in his study...'"

"Now we're talking. Lead the way, blondie."

Envelopes. Probably need some of those. Hopper snuffs out his cigarette in an ashtray.

"Cure light wounds, anybody?"

"Me please."

"Coming right up... 13 HP for the mage."

"Thanks Will."

"And I'll dispel the bookcase too, in case it's booby-trapped. Lucas, can you check for - "

"Already on it. Ohhhh, natural 20 ladies and gentlemen. Hold your applause, please."

"You make a mockery of the variety of traps both magical and mundane that guard what you soon confirm is a chamber filled with gold coins - more than you can possibly carry. They sparkle in the light from Dustin's glowing lute."

"I wink at the princess."

"Jeez Dustin."

"What? I didn't do the growl, that's called character development."

"Fine. She smiles shyly back at you, smoothing the folds of her elegant silver-patterned dress. Meanwhile - "

Hopper's hands slam down on the tabletop before he can stop them. "Ok," he says, with a tone so measured he considers it downright admirable, "that's it." He pushes himself up out of his chair and turns to see six startled faces looking up at him from the living room floor.

"...uh... what's it, exactly? Sir?" Dustin asks after a moment. "I wasn't going to... I mean - uh - I know there was some real sexual chemistry building there between me and the princess but we don't typically roleplay the... I'm going to maybe stop talking now anyway how's the paperwork going? Going good I bet, I bet you aced every page, sir, bet you really showed it who runs that office oh god I didn't stop did I."

Hopper blinks. "What - no. No, that's not what I - Jesus." He rubs his forehead. "I just have to say - this story makes no sense."

Four pairs of eyes glance nervously at Mike. El looks at Hopper, taken aback. "Dad!"

Wheeler himself narrows his eyes, and Hopper sees hints of the anger that exploded that night last October. "Excuse me?"

Hopper raises his hands defensively and addresses his daughter. "I'm just being honest. Friends don't lie, right? Look think of this as a learning opportunity," he says, turning his head back to Wheeler, "a chance to get better, right?"

Mike crosses his arms. "What, exactly, doesn't make sense about it?" he challenges in the way only angsty teenage boys can.

Hopper sighs. He really should just leave it.

He doesn't. "First of all, this whole fortress arrangement. The brilliant villain puts a half-dozen guards in his great hall but has nobody actually watching the princess's room? Not to mention his piles of gold? I mean speaking of gold - what is this guy's motive, anyway? Clearly he's a hoarder or something since this room is filled with cash but Jesus, if he's interested in padding his retirement fund why the hell didn't he try to ransom the girl back to her rich prick of a father? And the amulet side gig, for god's sake, if you're trying to make a mint selling trinkets why make them suck people's life force? That's not exactly a great long-term business strategy, when every product you sell screams 'I'm an evil asshole.'"

Lucas and Dustin share a mildly disturbed look. "...how much attention has he paying this whole time?" Lucas mutters.

Hopper ignores them. "And the princess - you said at the start the only reason she was out in the field instead of in her guarded ivory tower or whatever was because she was badly claustrophobic. You expect me to believe she's been kept in that, quote, 'tiny' room for a week and yet a few seconds after you open the door she's smiling and offering to show you around and playing footsie with the hobbit over there?"

"Actually, sir, technically I'm a halfling; Hobbits are specific to Tolkien's universe whereas halfling is a more generic - "

"I don't care," Hopper replies emphatically. "And I was going to just let it go, whatever, it's just a game and you're just a kid and bound to make a few mistakes now and then, except then you talked about her dress, and that was a step too far. The elegant silver embroidery shining in the light from mini-Dylan's glow-in-the-dark axe."

"Yeah, it's not technically glow-in-the-dark, it's imbued with a Light spell, which takes is luminescence from - " Will elbows Dustin and the boy stops talking.

Will's a good kid.

"One of the key pieces of evidence," Hopper resumes, circling around the back of Wheeler's little board set-up like he does with perps in the interrogation room, "that pointed your little band of misfits to Eeriebear's fortress - "

"Ariybar," Dustin mumbles.

" - to the ogre's fortress, was - "

"Actually he's a gnome."

Hopper's hand slowly fists and he offers a smile as he feels a vein throb in his neck. "Thank you, Dustin." He returns his gaze to the back of Wheeler's head, who's still sitting with crossed arms and hunched shoulders. "Now if I recall, that bit of evidence was a sizeable piece of torn cloth, covered in mud, found caught on a broken fence post in back of one of these amulet shops. Isn't that right," he asks the witnesses. Uh - other players.

El is glaring daggers at him, but Max nods cautiously. "Yeah, that's right."

"And why was that a clue?" he asks, crossing his arms, too. "Anybody?"

"...because it was from the princess's dress," Will answers shyly after a moment.

"It was. Now, it's just barely possible that your Dungeon Leader failed to mention - yes, fine, Dungeon Master, and if you interrupt me one more time Henderson you're never going to find out what it's like to get through puberty - that Wheeler just failed to mention that there was a giant tear in the princess's dress, though you'd think it'd be a detail the halfling horndog here would've been interested in. Or maybe there's just so much material on medieval dresses that nobody'd notice if a little went missing, what do I know. But! What'd you have to do to figure out it was part of her dress?"

"It has a unique pattern," Lucas replies.

"Right. But you couldn't see that, at first."

"No - we... had to wash it."

"And what exactly did the Dungeon Master say when you washed it?"

El's eyes flash for a moment, and she glances guiltily at Mike before answering slowly, "That... the embroidery wouldn't return to its original shiny color no matter how much we scrubbed it."

"No matter," Hopper says, pacing back around to Mike's front, "how much," he punctuates, "you scrubbed it. So what happened? Did the villain go to all the trouble of creating a new dress exactly matching the pattern of the old one? Did the dress somehow only get dirty exactly where it tore? You were only a few hours behind the villain at that point, and it hadn't rained since the day the princess was kidnapped, so there's no way the scrap got muddy after it was torn.

"It makes no sense," he concludes.

He takes a deep breath, smirking triumphantly.

...God, he's an asshole.

The realization comes as soon as he stops talking. Jesus. The kids are just trying to have a fun time, and here he is critiquing Wheeler like he's a suspect. The two are hardly best buds, but they've settled into a comfortable detente after their confrontation the night El closed the gate, and at the end of the day Hopper's fond of him, is consistently impressed by Mike's patience and generosity when it comes to El and her idiosyncrasies. God knows El's crazy about him; Hopper's certainly not winning any points with her, spouting off like this.

He scratches the side of his nose - as close to embarrassed as he ever lets himself look these days - and after a moment works up the willpower to turn to apologize.

But instead of the angry or hurt or humiliated look he expects to see on Mike's face, there's a half-smile there instead. An appraising smile. A devious smile.

"Suddenly, the light reflected from the coins grows more intense, and for a moment you're all blinded, a sound like the chime of a high-pitched bell ringing in your ears. Roll Will saves."

It's a moment before anyone speaks. "...what?" Lucas says, finally.

"Roll Will saves."

Hopper, left hanging, feels a little lost, and looks at Will. But after a moment everyone, not just Will, is rolling one of those damn multi-sided dice, and reporting some numbers that hold no meaning for him.

"When the light fades, you find yourselves frozen in place. The coins have vanished; sinister circular runes line the chamber in their place. And where the princess stood moments before now stands Ariybar, cackling loudly.

"'You fools! You really thought a great Illusionist like myself would choose to confront you in a contest of brute force?'"

"Fuck me," Dustin says, dragging his hands down his cheeks.

"Hey," Hopper warns, glancing at El. He knows it's almost certainly futile to try and safeguard her vocabulary at this point, but he's at least going to pretend to qualify as good adult supervision. Granted, the way El is staring at Mike with a proud smile on her face, Hopper isn't sure she even heard.

"What the hell is going on?" Max demands.

Wheeler shifts his attention to her. "'Ahh, yes. Where are my manners. Welcome to my ritual chamber. I've spent years perfectly attuning it to the outer planes in anticipation of this day.'"

Lucas tightens his hands into fists. "What happens today?"  

"'Today, I finally bring my master home from exile. Today, he will take his place as the rightful king of this wayward nation.'"

"You don't mean - " Will begins.

"'Oh, I do. Today, the Tyrant returns.'"

Everybody gasps as though this means something. Hopper just looks bemused.

"'Through the amulets, I've gathered enough vessels to activate the ritual. Once I begin, everyone who has come into direct contact with one of the cursed tokens will become subservient to the Chosen One - the Tyrant's secret offspring. Then it's simply a matter of channeling their life force here in this chamber, and my master will walk the earth once more.'"

"Wait - wait wait. The Tyrant was a human, you're a gnome. You can't be his offspring... right?" Lucas makes a face.

"'Oh, no. Not I. I spent many years trying to discover his offspring's identity. Imagine my surprise when I learned she herself was unaware of her parentage,'" Mike says, turning his attention to Max.

Max looks at him blankly, before her eyes widen. "Wait - me? But I'm... my character's an orphan. My father died in a - "

"'In a fire, yes. Not entirely untrue; when the Tyrant was banished, a great fire swept across the capital.' Max, you feel a strange tingling in your spine, like some kind of dark energy is running up and down your body."

"I draw my bow," Lucas says with a scowl.

"Can't move."

"She won't help you," El says, her voice certain but her eyes shooting Max a questioning glance. "Um, duh," Max confirms. "My dad sounds like a real asshole. I'm not channeling anything."

"'As I expected. Reports of the Zoomer's exploits suggested someone with views that diverged significantly from her father's. No matter. I'll simply Dominate you after the ritual begins.'"

"Excuse me?" Hopper interjects.

"What? - oh, god, no," Mike says, blushing, "it's a - it's a spell."

"Though hypothetically with the control it gives you it'd be possible to use it for stuff like - " Will elbows Dustin again. (Good kid. Jesus.)

"Where is the princess?" Will demands, surprisingly forcefully.

"Uh - right. 'Her? She's insignificant. I needed a way to get the Zoomer here, to the chamber. When I heard she had fallen in with the king's favorite errand boys, it was simply a matter of contriving a circumstance that would cause the king to send them my way. The princess is currently resting comfortably at a farm not far from here. After the Tyrant returns I see no reason not to release her.'"

"We won't let you get away with this," El says, her eyes narrowed. For a moment Hopper's afraid he'll need to make a run for the tissues, but nothing falls over of its own accord or flies across the room.

"Ariybar cackles as the glyphs along the wall turn a sickly green. 'There's nothing you can do to stop me. You're trapped, and I have everything I need to complete the ritual. You should feel privileged, to witness the dawn of a new era!'"

Will grips his knees tightly. "What can we do? Can we move?"

"Nothing but your mouths."

"Does anyone have any spells prepared that don't have somatic components?"

El shakes her head.

"Stupid goddamn multiclassing," Max mutters.

"Uh... Feather Fall?" Dustin offers, presumably unhelpfully given the unenthused responses from the others.

"Well. This is it. We're finally, truly doomed," Lucas says, leaning back with resignation.

Max grunts. "This sucks. It's unfair! It's an impossible situation."

Wheeler gives a half-smirk. "Well... maybe there's one way you might be able to pull through."

Will leans forward. "What is it?"

"Well... there was someone who figured out Ariybar's ploy. So it's probably safe to say he didn't get caught."

Dustin frowns. "Who? We're all..."

Hopper scratches his chin. All the kids are accounted for. Was there some other ally they mentioned he's forgetting about? That weird carriage driver with the beard? No, he was killed by that jello cube thing. (Jesus, this game is weird.) Seems kind of lazy to let one of Wheeler's characters solve the problem at the eleventh hour, anyway. Who could...

It's at this point he realizes they're all staring at him.

"Uh - what's up?" he asks, afraid he already knows the answer.

"He doesn't even have a character sheet," Lucas points out.

"We can use some default stats," Wheeler says, pulling open one of those massive rule books.

"Uh - kids, I have a lot of work to do - uh - for instance there's case files, and... ordering, uh, staples..."

"Please Dad?" El asks, eyes wide. "You're our only hope."

She doesn't always call him Dad - it's something they're both still getting used to - and he's very aware it's no accident she's using it now, which only makes it more irritating that he already knows it's going to work.  

"Fuck me," he says under his breath.

"That's the spirit, sir," Dustin says as Hopper drags one of the kitchen chairs out into the living room.

#mike wheeler #eleven #jane hopper #jim hopper #will byers #dustin henderson #lucas sinclair #max mayfield #mileven #stranger things #fanfic #fanfiction #lumax