#even tho I love him I would shit myself because I am scared of him lmao😭😂

[canirove]

Rúben Dias Imagine | five

Author’s note: Someone on Wattpad asked me for more Rúben and I told them that with him I get randomly inspired, and that’s what happened here after seeing him at Bernardo’s wedding 😁 A little summary would be that you are together at the wedding, and since Rúben and alcohol aren’t the best of friends, he ends up saying something that he should’t have 👀 Hope you like it and thank you for reading! 💜  

Masterlist

*Female reader/pov

"Are you sure you can't see anything?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"And from this angle?"

"Nothing."

"And if I do this? Rúben… Rúben!"

"You can't see anything, I already told you" he sighs.

"You aren't even looking at me!"

"Yes, I am."

"I can see you through the mirror's reflection, and you are looking at your phone."

"Because we are gonna be late, that's why."

"Then tell me if you can see anything!"

"You can't see anything from any angle" he says, getting up from the bed. "And besides, it's not like people will be looking at you."

"Oh wow, thank you" I reply.

"They won't because their eyes will be on Bernardo and Ines. It's their wedding, remember?" he chuckles.

"I know. But they will still look at me. I am attending with you by my side, and you are wearing a suit. It's impossible to not look."

"And that's why no one will be paying you much attention or analyzing every detail on your outfit. They'll be too busy looking at me" Rúben smirks.

"Idiot" I say, rolling my eyes. "Though you are probably right."

"I am. And I also am right when I tell you that you can't see anything, and that you look beautiful. You always do, don't get me wrong. But lately a lot more. And I love the reason why" he smiles.

"I wish I felt as beautiful as you think I look, tho" I sigh. 

"I don't think you look beautiful. I know it, it's a fact. And if we don't leave now, us being late to the ceremony will also be a fact."

"Fine" I say, taking the hand he is offering me and looking at myself in the mirror one last time. You can't see anything.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Kiss, kiss, kiss!" everyone chants, Bernardo and Ines kissing for the millionth time.

"They are gonna end up fed up with each other if you keep asking them to kiss" I laugh.

"Them? Maybe. But I will never get tired of kissing you" Rúben says with a cheeky smile.

"Never?" I ask, arching an eyebrow.

"Never" he says before kissing me.

"Eww, you taste like champagne. How many glasses have you had already?"

"I don't know" he shrugs.

"Rúben, you and alcohol aren't a good combination."

"I'm fine. This is just champagne."

"Let that be your last glass, please" I say as he pours himself another one. "I want to be able to dance with you later."

"It will, I promise" he smiles before drinking half of it in one go.

"Rúben! It's time for our speech!" João says, walking towards our table.

"Oh, shit. Did you bring what we wrote?"

"I did" João smiles. "Shall we?"

"Yes" Rúben says, finishing his drink.

"Wait" I say, grabbing his hand as he gets up.

"Are you alright?" he asks.

"I'm fine, don't worry. Just…"

"Urgh, don't bite your lip like that. I can’t control myself when you do it" he says, sitting down again and kissing me. It is a sloppy kiss, one that tells me that the last glass of champagne he drank was all he needed to be officially drunk.

"Don't say or do anything stupid, ok?" I say when we break apart.

"Me? Never" he laughs.

"João…"

"I'll take care of him, don't worry" he smiles. "Now let's go."

"Yes, let's go. I love you, gorgeous" Rúben says, kissing me one last time.

"I love you" I reply, fearing the worst.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"And that's how we met Ines" João says, Rúben loudly laughing next to him. "Anything else you would like to add?"

"Yes!" Rúben says, taking the microphone.

"Oh, God" I whisper, already covering my face with one hand.

"Ines, I'm sorry about that day. It won't happen again. Hopefully" he laughs. "And if your husband here doesn't leave us this summer, I promise that this season I will treat him well. No more hitting him or scaring him or things like that. He's gonna be a dad now! Berni! A dad! So happy for you, bro. I can't wait for our kids to play together in a few months, it's gonna be the best!" Rúben laughs again.

"Wait what?" Bernardo says as he, Ines, and basically everyone in the room turn their heads to look at me. Great. Just great.

"Oh, fuck, shit" Rúben says, still talking through the microphone. "No one knows yet. Well, our parents do. But no one else. And now everyone does! You were all worried about your bump showing on that dress and I oops!" he laughs. "I'm going to be a dad!"

"Can you please shut up" I whisper, my eyes fixed on him.

"I'm going to be a dad. With the woman I love. The most amazing woman in the world. I love you, gorgeous. I love you so much!"

"I love you too" I smile, this time talking loud enough so he can hear me, people now looking from him to me and back at him.

"I love you so much! So so much! I want to spend the rest of my life with you! And with our kids! Because that baby won't be the last one, trust me. We love making babies" Rúben smirks. 

"Ok, I think that's enough" João says, taking the microphone from his hand.

"I love you!" Rúben shouts one last time before leaving the small stage and starting to walk towards our table, a stupid smile on his face. Though he doesn't make it to where I am, his eyes going wide before running away.

"Oh God" I say, getting up and following him outside.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Here" I say, giving him a Kleenex.

"Thank you" Rúben whispers. "And I'm sorry."

"About what? Embarrassing yourself and me in front of everyone, telling them I am pregnant when I have been trying to hide it because I am not ready to share the news yet, or vomiting on one of the flowerpots outside the venue?" 

"All of it?" he says, looking at me with puppy eyes.

"I told you to stop drinking."

"I know."

"Then why didn't you listen to me?"

"Because I was happy and I wanted to celebrate! I wanted to celebrate Bernardo and Ines, and us, and our baby, and I just…" he shrugs.

"You can also celebrate while drinking water. Alcohol isn't necessary."

"That's what I will do from now on. I promise."

"Sure" I snort.

"I promise" he says, clumsily getting up from the floor. "I want to do it for you. Both of you" Rúben says, putting his hand on my tiny bump, the one that no one had noticed. Until now.

"Do you think they are mad?"

"Who?" 

"Bernardo and Ines. We just kind of crushed their wedding" I chuckle. 

"Nah. They probably are a bit shocked, but not mad."

"We can't go back there just yet, tho. People were already looking at us because I have the hottest date, and if we go now, we'll be the center of attention, not them. And they still have to do their first dance and all that."

"Then let's wait. I could do with some fresh air."

"You definitely could, yes" I laugh.

"And earlier they were looking at you. You are the hot date today, not me" Rúben says, moving his hands to my waist and pulling me closer to him.

"Are you trying to flatter me so I forget everything you just did?" I say, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Maybe… Is it working?"

"Kind of" I smile.

"Then I'll have to try harder" he says, leaning forward to kiss me.

"Rúben, no, eww!" I say, taking a step back.

"What is it?"

"Your breath smells like shit!" 

"Oh, fuck, sorry" he apologizes. "We'll leave that for later, then."

"Please and thank you" I laugh.

"Do you still love me, though?" he says, closing the space between us once again.

"So so much I want to spend the rest of my life with you" I say with a teasing smile.

"Laugh at me all you want, but I was telling the truth." 

"I know. But next time let's keep it more private."

"Ok" Rúben laughs. "I love you, gorgeous."

"I love you too" I smile.

#ruben dias #ruben dias imagine #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias fanfic #football imagine #football fanfic #rubenimagine

[neoncat666]

extremely long shadows over welde character analysis post

by extremely long i mean its fucking 3k words cause I go too silly.

Spoilers up to ep 8 and its mostly rambles so apolocheese. I also posted this on my twitter so if u saw it there here's an actual text version LOL

Argentum:

Oh my god. You are soooo…… First of all, in the story we’ve gotten this. Argentum is a strong headed, curious person who is a bit stubborn and holds themself at a bit of a graceful appearance on the outside. They are smart, witty, but also a bit of a temper especially when it comes to frankly a little stupid ideas. They are also kind and care for others. We were shown from the beginning that they enjoy their work and meeting fans and even with people they just met are willing to help them stay safe. Also they’re a little dumb. Sometimes curiosity overrides rational thinking and that was shown when they touched the weird fucking webbing in the cave and also that ENTIRE plan when there was the confrontation between Vhaeraun and Lolth which was fucking actually crazy. This isn’t even beginning to talk about the head friend. I am constantly thinking about that voice and who that could be. Brings us speculation around them. Argentum is not human, or at least fully human. Their eyes are def not human and Hayden is a silly lil guy who would pull a trick like that. There was one speculation on them possibly being a Kalashtar and I think it could fit but honestly for now it hasn’t been on my forefront. I also bought the inscriptor class finally and was looking at how possibly they were built. What stats what subclass ect. I don’t fucking know.. Now you might be asking “Hey why don’t you just ask?” CAUSE IM SCARED. But honestly cause I wanted to see if I could figure it out myself lmao. It boiled down to either Mystery or Historian subclass is what Snail helped me narrow to. Could be wrong tho. There’s also little tidbits about Argentum that have come from outside the sessions like when I asked if they had a canonical birthday cause “celebrating fictional characters birthdays is cringe” “fuck you happy birthday argentum” is funny. Still honestly wanna know if any of the party has canon birthdays. I got hit with the “Oh they don’t know their own birthday.” and then swindled. There was also the discussion on Hayden’s pcs never really having parents or family and Argentum was included in that list which more or less got confirmed in session this episode (7). I still don’t know their motives, still don’t know their relationships with others because it seems everyone is connected to someone except Argentum, and I still don’t know who their patron is and if that is the same as the voice in their head. Love the silly though

Phoenix:

Fifi….. Not much was known about you until today and holy shit did it rock my world. Before we had known he was the apprentice to Ipswich and was sent in his place as guest of honor. We also then found out he was a spy working on tailing Lolth and that’s kinda all we knew about Phoenix for a bit, at least heavy lore wise. He’s a sarcastic, witty, bitch and I love him so much. I could never surpass Snail as Phoenix Enjoyer but it’s close. We learned a bit more during the nightmare drink sequence where he met his patron and got his powers fucking zapped. A couple things stood out to me from it. How his patron looked and specific wording from Phoenix. We know Ipswich isn’t mortal anymore but Phoe had said something along the lines of “I’d get my ass kicked and be right back here the next day.” He is surrounded by death or even just the undead. His patron deals in undead magic and I don’t think if Phoenix gets knocked down he wouldn’t be back again looking all fine the next day. We don’t know his patron’s name which like. Fuck. but lmao. Anyways Ipswich is tracking him like crazy and says he has this important quest although we don’t know a lot of Phoe’s thoughts and feelings on what he’s doing. To me it almost seems like he’s a tool or pawn for others and idk if I can fully call him a good person. Doing a bit of research into his pact and such it seems that he’s just going to possibly lose more and more humanity as he gets stronger but also i couldn’t tell you how much he has already. There’s also the whole cousins and throne thing that got dropped this episode. It seems his family is also involved with this whole scheme but Phoe is the favourite of the bunch. The idea that he could possibly be royalty was also thrown around and i think if he was like secret prince it would be from a large family all vying for a throne or he is working with Ipswich and others to usurp the current ruler and take the power for himself. Although knowing Fifi it’ll probably be like a secret third option. Not much except he’s so 90s movie older sister to me and the fact Ipswich runs a school for swindlers which is kinda funny.

Sunder:

Babygirl. Pookie. Love of my life who I want to kill me. God. This is now my love letter to you. I saw you across the bar and thought you were sooo scary and I’ve been enraptured ever since. Anyways that’s a freak. He’s not the most talkative and seems more lonely despite everything. They’re funny, loyal, kind, and ruthless. We didn’t get much for Sunder for a bit until mostly the shopping episode. We learned a bit through Kelly and the nightmare drink of what makes up Sunder but it didn’t really culminate until the head crushing I would say. Honestly I don’t even care I just fucking love the way Sunder is played. Like I’m sitting here trying to find words that aren’t just I think he’s neat cause I do think analyzing him is intriguing. They’re going to get angry and they’re going to get violent and you are not safe. It’s something that was so surprising at first because of how much Sunder kind of fell into the background. The nightmare drink gave us the first look at this, that Sunder had apparently killed someone, a kid even, but a lot of their violence was played off as a joke by the community, I know I did. Learned today that the person in that nightmare was Ilmater and it shows that she wasn’t lying when she said that visions and nightmares of this accident are a plague. I believe them when they say it was an accident and idk how young they were but to harbor that from a young age will fuck you up. Their morals are something that intrigues me i would say the most. No trouble in murder although I assume that’s more or less towards people who piss him off or are generally bad people. He’s kind hearted and that’s shown a lot especially with this last interaction I’d say. I still need to like rewatch a lot of parts of it but “we were just kids” genuinely fucking rocked me to my core and it got me i won’t lie. We’re still very early in but idk, I want to see Sunder truly happy and not haunted by the ghosts of their past. I feel this was most likely the first step but it’s hard to say as we go forward. I think violence and blood will always follow it’s just how they choose to take it.

The Wall:

I think now Wall is the character we know the least about, at least to me. We know his duty to Eilistraee and his duty to Zephrael and also his little foodie quirks (love him dearly) but outside of that I don’t think we know a lot. He’s the character I have the least notes for now but I do know this. He is loyal to a fault, a little dense, kind, and revels in battle and violence. I think about his nightmare and the fear of losing her and the sword then what happened to this episode. He’s had this since he was a child and then he had this dream, this trip to the beastland plane and looked Eilistraee in the eye and fought her. I believe he still loves her, cares for her, but I also think it has changed since that episode no doubt. Rewinding a bit, I think a bit about him being told he has to be pure of heart in order to wield the sword. What does pure of heart truly mean? Wall loves fighting and murder. He actively committed torture. Also he’s the bodyguard for an objectively bad man. There’s the argument of his intentions are pure although I doubt you can do a lot of what he did and have those intentions be fully pure. It’s just something I think about more than probably a normal person should teehee. Anyways the conversation he and Rae had at the beginning of this session should classify as psychological warfare cause I genuinely do not think I’m ever going to recover. I have been talking about it for weeks how they are the chosens, favored, by literal enemies and seem to have some sort of hit on them by a couple of deities now. I thought about how it might affect relationships and how Wall views them. We know he’s very loyal but I always wondered how far he would need to be pushed before that is broken. Seems like an extreme amount. His morals are probably what intrigue me the most tbh. I’d kill to know what his alignment is LMAO. Most of all I just really love the Wall because he is goofy and silly but he also isn’t a stupid brick wall that doesn’t know anything and I really enjoy seeing the times he gets to explain things. Fuck it we Wall.

Zephrael:

Okay so this will be the longest one cause I’m biased and yes Zephrael is my favourite. I always feel a little bad when it comes to that and showing that favouritism because I truly do love the entire party so much. This hit me the most when the show was just starting out and I did feel like I needed to show how much I loved each character and not just focus on Rae lol. I hope this thread can at least show that (if you even make it this far) Anyways Zephrael is a fucking freak and I love him so much. I’ve done multiple posts on him before and yeah Im gonna repeat some of it here i wont lie. Right out the gate we probably learn the most and yet the least about Rae’s past and present. He is an emissary for the reformed church of Lolth and an honored guest. He had known about Edo’s work before and talked about how it had helped with relations between the public and the reformed church. This means everything and nothing to us. But it does show that despite Rae’s… oddness, he is extremely well spoken when he wants to be and I think about that speech a lot. The next few episodes gave us some more information yet also a lot more questions. These weird pains that seem to predict disasters, the extreme phobia of spiders despite being a paladin of Lolth, and his both egotistical yet self deprecating attitude. It was fascinating to watch him because he clashed but never in a way that made him irredeemable and I’ll go more into that at the end section. A few early things I thought about a lot before the catalyst that was the nightmare drink were who the reformed church was, where did Zephrael come from, why was he chosen as this ambassador, and why he didn’t know undercommon but knew abyssal. These are still questions I have to this day LMAO. The nightmare drink vision I possibly overanalyze the most next to Phoenix’s. It stood out due to the fact that it wasn’t, bad. Rae could see again, he saw his father and best friends again, he got told he was going to learn the truth again. Why was this considered a bad thing? Everyone else experienced horrors and regrets yet Zephrael got sorrow. It jumpstarted the part aasimar Rae theory tho. Angel imagery Rae makes me clinically insane I won’t lie and his father having these large wings and bright white light did not help. There’s the big question of what he is and also how he joined the church. Hell, even how he feels about the church as well, truly at least. During one of the hiatuses fandom went crazy and Snail Snailmuds dropped out of nowhere that the runes on Rae’s body weren’t just random but fucking translated abyssal that said “PAIN CHAOS POWER” which first of all goes hard second of all what the fuck.

Theory crafting for Zephrael always feels like climbing uphill and also being constantly shot at cause every time something happens with that man it turns out to be a secret third thing going on oh mygod. Anyways I’ve discussed whether or not he was forced into this church, was kidnapped, born into it, ect because at the end of the day, he seems to very much be a tool or pawn for this church and/or Lolth. Also the whip being an artifact of Lolth or whatever they’re called again I forgot??? What the fuck dude. ALSO HIM SLEEPING IN BATHTUBS????? Grizzly has said this will make sense later but genuinely what the fuck there is something wrong with him. Moving on, revelation about the tattoos comes out and we get the torture episode. Well we get the holy shit they just killed those guys begining and then torture. First of all, I cheered louder than anyone else when Rae actually did fucking combat instead of running away and also the fact he can use his whip. Anyways dumb and dumber torture a guy and first of all the lay on hands to keep him alive during torture was insane and I hope to see it again in anything and it’s also where it’s learned that the tattoos on him were “forcibly engraved” which was honestly brushed off and a lot happened that I think most people forgot but I didn’t cause I’m crazy. Anyways moving on from THAT we get the typical Rae. Dodging questions when Argentum tries to interrogate him and also dunno if he’s just fuckin lying or not when he does actually answer them.

Episode 6 and 7 are where I think Rae slightly pivots. Not really noticeable but he feels a little more, close. It was also a change I noticed with the cast and I think that helped a lot of character dynamics as well. Rae’s stupid beef with Argentum was so fucking funny and I do think about him wanting to heal Sunder before himself after the Bulette because if he heals Sunder, how would that help him. Yes they’re his bodyguard but the monster is dead and it’s not like Sunder can heal him back. It was a decision that I think was the most different for Rae because he was shown to care deeply for Wall but not so much the others as much. He still doesn’t care for the others as much as he does The Wall but I do think he has grown a fondness or care for the others whether he wants to or not. And thats the thing, I could not tell you if he does actually wanna care for them or not. Yes they are allies and help but he seems to try and keep things at a transactional level or how much power it may bring him. He still does but like his dynamic with Argentum seems closer cause the antagonizing feels more like siblings getting on each other’s nerves rather than a growing distance. I think Sunder also displaying that brutality may have put him more into Rae’s good books too. Anyways he read a fucking book huge day. Now he has even worse mommy issues. Ep 7 killed me with hammers but that was spoken about. His relationship with Wall is something that fascinates me though. Rae is selfish, it’s not hidden at all, yet he does seem to care deeply for Wall and almost defends him more than he would defend himself. It’s nice to see for this bodyguard and his charge dynamic but ep 7 spread some light on it and I do think their bond will outlive the will of the Gods but what do I know, I’m not anyone at that table. Zephrael is rude, odd, egotistical but also masochistic and does care deeply when he wants to and you don’t see that kind of character as much I wanna say. He’s my favourite cause his weird gnc swag enraptured me thats all he is post over.

Not actually over cause there’s one last thing. These characters would not be these characters without the wonderful players behind them. Each episode brings out better and better performances that have me actually going crazy over them. I genuinely wouldve had nothing to write about if it weren’t for the fact everyone brings so much life into these characters and loves them so much that they feel so fucking real. They don’t feel flat or simple but very nuanced characters that I love to study and even be wrong about (i actually hate being wrong and every time im wrong i get so ashamed) but Argentum’s flourishes and talks to get out of situations, Phoenix’s wit and holy shit that dread form voice, Sunder during the market fight and then the softer scene with Varic, Wall’s humor and even talking about the more serious stuff, and Zephrael’s ability to balance harshness and endearing at the same time. That’s Hayden, Leizu, Juzo, Ben, and Grizzly and I genuinely cannot fucking talk about the performances enough. I’ve thought about making a post just about it but I fear I just wouldn’t be able to articulate what I wanna say enough. Then obviously it wouldn’t even be possible without the fucking amazing world building and npcs Jonah has provided. Everything is so immersive and I find myself caring for each and every npc we meet whether caring for their safety or caring too much cause I dislike them. Every npc sticks with me and I grow so attached so quickly because they feel so real in this world that also feels so fucking real. It feels like we are just peeking into another world and I actually can’t multitask when watching sow cause I get too sucked in. It’s really hard to do that and I talk about it a lot but never really publicly so I thought I would here.

Anyways for real this time post over, this ended up way longer than I thought it was gonna be so ur a real one if you read this all the way through lol. I’m off to go think about sow merch again as I wait for permission and stuff cause im crazy. See ya later

#shadows over welde #argentum rillis #phoenix sow #sunder sow #the wall sow #zephrael sow #dm.txt

[mugeesworld]

Growing is realizing you don't have to be really hyper feminine to be seen as pretty or valid just because you're plus size.

After 2-3 year's of changing my style to skirts, dresses, and wearing a bunch of pink it took a single pair of men's jorts from the thrift store to make me feel confidence I've never felt before. I went to a cookout in my jorts, a random band shirt, Franky button shirt and It was eye opening to say the least. Ik it's probably gross but I didn't take those pants off for 3 DAYS (I showered tho don't worry💀) cause they were the first pair of pants that didn't make me feel like I constantly had to look down and check to see if my thighs looked weird.

The last 3 year's of my life I have tried to change myself in ways to make myself look feminine. I would spend hours anxiously trying to find something that didn't make me feel gross just to go to the grocery store. Cause I was always scared to wear a t shirt and sweat pants cause I didn't want people to think I'm gross or lazy just cause I'm fat/plus size. Which is insane.

I'm proud to say I'm not a woman. I'm genderqueer/transmasculine and I have never felt so content with myself in my life. And guess what when i made that decision I wasn't even on my adderall so that was actually MY DECISION ya know.

I used to be so insecure about my weight. Which I still am working on not being but coming to this conclusion helped a lot. And I mean a lot. It made me realize I don't even want to be skinny. I want to be strong. Like bulk or some shit. And I can do that no matter what weight. So yeah. I can look at myself in the mirror now without wanting to cry cause I'm not skinny and instead can think. Damn I'm looking fucking sick and strong asf.

My word of advice is if you're feeling some type of way about your gender buy a pair of cheap jorts and maybe the Franky button up from hot topic cause let me tell you that combo is insane for me. And yes I'm talking about one piece Franky. WOOOOOOOOOOO YEAH⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ JORTS SAVE LIVES BABY⁉️⁉️⁉️🔥🔥🔥🔥

Makes me also realize why I like violent j so much. CAUSE I WANNA BE LIKE HIM💀 (used to be a picture of him on post)

Update: nvm bros actually a pedophile. Love my life.😐🧍‍♀️

#heeheemugee #chubby #chubby y/n #chubby!reader #chubbyreader #franky #Jorts #Trans #Transmasc #transmasculine #plus size transmasculine #gender queer #plus size genderqueer #Plus size reader #Fat #plus size LGBTQ #Plus size LGBT #fatphobia #Fatphobic #fat representation #hyper feminine #hyper masculine #Lgbtq fatphobia #worthy thoughts #WOOOOO YEAH I'M NOT A WOMAN #NO DISRESPECT TO THE LADIES OUT THEIR THO I STILL LOVE Y'ALL #transfem #transgender #plus size trans #Ik these tags are weird I just want to reach the plus size lgbtq community BARE WITH ME Ok?!?!

[0xo]

tw abuse & transmisogyny tho

it is kind of nuts that on the flipside of having incredible trans relationships, i've also been treated like dirt by former partners who happened to be transfem, and it like... sucks. hard. to feel a little bit unable to talk about how they treated me for fear of people interpreting that as me not loving or respecting trans women.

like. idk. especially one ex in particular. having my life threatened and being emotionally/physically/financially abused really really really sucked. especially because i loved her a lot and still really, really care about her. it took literally years for me to tell the full story to our mutual close friends because. i didn't want them to cut her out of our community. like "exile abusers" blah blah blah but she NEEDED friends and support, she was also going through a hard time, the last thing she needed was for every local friend she had to drop her or talk shit about her. even if she did really really mean things to me. i still want her to be happy.

it was hard telling k about what actually happened because he was so mad, not at me but at her, asked why i didn't tell the whole story sooner, all that. and all i could say was that i was afraid she would get more hurt. i didn't want her to be isolated. and i asked him, if you knew what she'd done, would you have been so nice that day when she showed up and scared the hell out of me? and he said no, i would've understood why you were so scared, i would've told her to leave. and i said EXACTLY, she wasn't in a state to leave, she needed a soft place to land. even if it meant she broke a promise to me. don't you get it? i didn't want her to end up dead. i still had an obligation to her to try and keep her safe.

i don't know. like. there is no such thing as a perfect abuse victim and you don't have to forgive your abuser or try to make things easier for them or protect their reputation from the truth of what they did. i just. couldn't let it all blow up immediately, right? i could only tell the truth after she was in another place, a better mental state, with more support that wasn't connected to here or our mutual friends.

and it's weird because we're still kind of friends, sort of. and i still care a lot about her. she has so so so many good traits, she's talented and beautiful and smart, and. i didn't want the way she treated me to get in the way of her recovering and having a good life. i want to believe it was all a really really big mistake, that she didn't mean it, that it was just the drugs and the sobriety attempts talking. and pushing and threatening. like yes take responsibility for how you act but also, maybe, that wasn't really her. maybe she's really actually a great person and we were just in a really difficult situation. i know that's not realistic but god i hope maybe she didn't mean it.

idk. abuse makes you feel absolutely insane sometimes. five years later im still grappling with that. the gender layers just make it more complicated because i never wanted to be that asshole who ruins the life of a trans woman over petty stuff. but it. wasn't petty stuff, and i know that and i have witnesses, it was genuinely bad. and i still couldn't/can't bring myself to write her off as a terrible person. because i really and truly don't think she is one. i believe she's changed and i believe she's better and i believe she's got the potential to do amazing things.

and i'm not looking for brownie points by saying all this, i'm not trying to paint myself as a saint for the act of still treating her like a human. i was never perfect. and i don't want to hold it over her head, okay? that's not what this is about. i am not a wonderful person for trying to forgive her. i am just trying to minimize the damage for both of us.

i'm just. still processing. and i think the way i had to handle it kind of complicates things. i've had people accuse me of "protecting abusers" because i don't really publicly talk much about what she did, i don't "warn" people about her. but. it's not necessarily anyone's business? they're not entitled to know the details of one of the worst periods of my life just so they can get some sick glee out of regurgitating it, using it as a reason to alienate her... using my pain as social currency. it's not their business. especially if she's changed her behavior? she doesn't treat her wife like she treated me, thank god. and if i'd gone out to crucify her... i don't think she would've gotten better. she may have hurt me but i don't want to hurt her in return. she doesn't deserve that. i didn't deserve cruelty from her and she doesn't deserve cruelty from me.

i'm not looking for validation that i've done the "right thing." i'm not sure there is a "right thing" to do coming out of all that. i just need to talk about it a little bit. because maybe other people who've survived shit situations need to hear that it's okay to have complicated feelings.

but her changing for the better doesn't. erase. what happened or how it affected me. the flashbacks and nightmares and general fear and anxiety. the added layer onto my pre-existing ptsd. it's difficult to process and talk about. it's affected the way i relate to people and my ability to trust. (i'm forever grateful that my current girlfriend saw what was happening and stepped in to protect me... sometimes i only really feel safe when i'm with her, because i know she's not going to hurt me or let anyone else hurt me. i can actually relax when she's around. she's safe.)

and idk, i guess the thing is, i could've let that experience turn me bitter towards trans women. i could've blasted my ex publicly and tried to ruin her life, and i probably could've succeeded at it. but. i never wanted that. i needed to be away from her, and she shouldn't have done those things, but i was never willing to turn it into a witch hunt. and it was a trans woman who came to protect me when i thought i was going to be murdered! it was my trans fem partners that helped me get out and get safe. i owe them my life. they didn't have to help me but they did.

so it's confusing to me that some people are so transmisogynistic because... what, a trans woman was a little rude to you on the internet? she called you out on your transmisogyny??? you feel personally emotionally attacked or some shit?

like. please get real. you're just hateful. not to be like "oh i got over a horrible experience so you should shut up," but. i lived through hell, i was abused by a trans woman, and i still don't have a nasty attitude about trans women in general. so i think some of you should shut the fuck up. trans women have every right to be angry and snarky when you treat them like shit!!!

i think it's just. difficult. to watch people act like fuckheads. i deeply, deeply love and respect the trans women in my life - including the ones who hurt me. and some of these assholes are throwing hissy fits about jokes and well-deserved criticisms of how they treat/talk about trans women. like. just admit you don't like trans women specifically. don't pretend you're being attacked. i know what being attacked is and, i gotta say, it's NOT that!

wishing people would view other people, especially trans women, as Real Actual Humans and not just a collection of their worst moments. it's so dehumanizing and so blatant and i'm sick of it

#long long long ramble under the readmore. sorry!!!

[nightmaredxydreams]

theres no way i have this.

look, heres all the proof you need. im whining about not having DID lmao

who truly has DID and does that? no. body. thats all the proof you need

people who truly dissociate suffer from it. i dont. i love the numbness from my body that experiences so much discomfort (not even chronic pain not even pain like all other DID systems have just fucking discomfort, mostly caused by autism hypersensitivity) i love the feeling of being detached from my own flesh prison ugly undesirable embarassing body. i am fucking faking im prob psycho or sum shit lmaooo

i dont even dissociate that badly. other real DID and even OSDD systems be out here so dissociated they dont even fuckin know their name and feel like nothings real all the time. i never forget my name or personal information, i just forget what i just thought or zone out daydreaming or sum shit and say "whoops! i dissociated sorry" or if im lucky, have few seconds long derealization in little few day long episodes. i dont even fucking dissociate for real. definitely not enough to have DID

i never had severe trauma. i was too disabled and shielded. fuck, the disabilities i was born with prob mimic DID. brain damage to the hippocampus, a majorly affected part of the brain in DID put two and together lmao. who knows how psycho the brain damage made me. im autistic and intellectually disabled, all people with intellectual disability are perverts they get arrested for sex crimes more than other people lmfao ofc i was hypersexual at 3 there was no sexual abuse i am too ugly to be sexually abused or even desired ofc im faking being sexually abused to make me feel better about myself lmfaooo i just cant live with the fact i was born a worthless undesirable unfuckable ugly pervert

if i had DID i wouldnt fucking remember when i was 3 who tf u kiddin

im sensitive to yelling and the least little "threatening" tone or touch or even fucking hand signal. if i was really sexually abused id be triggered by sexual shit, not the least little thing like a trauma free scared little baby

if i had DID id switch out more, especially when triggered or in situations where it would help. idk if i even switch out, i prob js fall asleep, wake up and do shit in the early stages of waking up i dont remember. instead my alters are just back there and do nothing when im being retraumatized and i have to call out mentally loudly to get any alters to respond anymore. then just trying to communicate with them gives me a headache from hell. proof enough my alters are delusions and im some psycho. most of my "alters" are just vague faces with voices and not much of identity. most of them fade away. just like delusions.

i feel like im worthless unless i was sexually abused. my whole worth depends on it for some fucked up reason. i will get defensive toward the two people i live with who say it didnt happen, they arent honest all the time but when they say theres no chance it happened bc i was too shielded even tho i have memories of being alone w him (no abuse memories bc fuck no) i believe it and feel iffy when i even wonder if i was sexually abused. when i think about any other form of abuse i suffered or trauma i have, i feel like that means i wasnt sexually abused. i have no memories of it, i never did until someone pointed out that my hypersexuality at 3 was a sign of sexual abuse so i went diving for the memories myself. then what i got were a few random half ass flashbacks to the sexual abuse. if i was really sexually abused i wouldve had flashbacks to it waaay before i made myself remember. everyone else with ptsd, did osdd etc does

other people with DID feel broken and suffer because of their trauma. they remember it somehow and suffer from the effects of it. i just suffer from wanting to have the trauma to be valid, not knowing if the trauma happened and having things trauma victims have but no memories of the trauma. the only flashbacks i have are to things i deserve, things that other people would agree i deserve and arent anywhere near as traumatizing as it can get for a real sexual abuse survivor. things that dont cause DID and rarely cause ptsd. i have cringe ass trauma. i dont have valid trauma.

i dont really have DID and i wasnt sexually abused. i just held onto the idea as an excuse for me being a worthless, born broken, jealous, delusional psycho pervert who will never amount to anything, never matter enough to get a job, marry or have a family, never mattered enough to be smart or do normal kid things because of my disabilities, never got to be cool and wont be, am trying to be cool and matter when i never will, am so ugly my body doesnt deserve love and sure as fuck wasnt sexually desired as a little kid how fucking sick of me to even want that to matter, and dont matter because of my disabilities. im sorry for faking it all. no wonder my denial was so strong, it was never real anyway. now im gonna do some major fucking harm to my ugly waste of space and resources body and kill myself. im fucking sick and tired of living in hell from my own brain torturing me saying im worthless and not valid and more i cant say here. good fucking bye.

#childhood trauma #suicide note ig #attention wh0r3 #tw vent

[goremet-chef]

just found someone who makes monster hunter lego builds do NOT speak to me im. this. GRGRGRG

anyways heres some gifs i have of monsters cuz im in love with this series forever and always (super long ramble SFJKS ive been writing this for hours)

odogaron + ebony odo is like.... you dont understand. thats me i kin so many monsters from MH its insane like.. thats literally me nothing reflects me better LOOK AT THEM. rathalos, odogaron, nargacuga like any red scary thing i resonate with deep in my soul its insane

this one is one of my headmates favorites. shrieking legi really came thru when he was having a bad time and i love this for him. ITS JUST LIKE... so many of the monsters resonate with us on such personal levels, that its hard to even explain. i am selfish, and i do view monster hunter as my game (got that autism special) like these are my creatures they were made for me

REAL TALK THO, these two were genuinely actually made for me look at this shit

unknown (black flying wyvern) and valstrax my beloveds. fucking god tier

the fact that i already resonate with the rathalos so hard, and it turns out theres a black and red edgier cool version of it/????like are you insane when i discovered this thing i was. SO UNWELL IN MY CHANNEL ON DISCORD i literally rambled about it for AN HOUR STRAIGHT. then when i found out about valstrax i rambled about that one for an hour too SKFJS like wow they are so cool. autism is real

also have this one, xeno'jiiva is so. MHW was my first MH game (say what you will) and god damn. im gonna be real idk if id be so into it if it wasnt for MHW, cuz like.... the main appeal of the entire game series to me is the monsters themselves. like im. when i first started i was TOO SCARED TO FIGHT THE GREAT JAGRAS (yknow. the first large monster you fight 😭😭 like the 3rd quest. insane) because ive never been into fighting games and having something large PURSUE ME didnt sound pleasant

crazy that i went from being too scared to play it again to LITERALLY playing for 72 hours almost STRAIGHT with minimal pee and sleep breaks, and giving myself carpal fucking tunnel cuz i was just. obsessed. AUTISM IS REAL

went from couldnt stand 10 minutes of it to 400 hours in game SKFJSD

and i would do it again bitch!!!

so what im SAYING. alright. is that im not a fighter in games (well NOW i am, but before i super wasnt) but what drew me in was how i could just.. watch. how i could see all the big scary monsters sleep and eat and walk around and fight eachother. how i could get their tracks, listen to their sounds, ETC. like it was so. IT WAS THRILLING and ive never been more in love

like for context my first special interest is fnaf and i wouldnt be anything like myself if i never got into fnaf like life changing shit. but i gotta say, i mean. ive played the fnaf games and i love the story and EVERYTHING this is not a diss on my first home!!!! but i played MHW to the point of exhaustion, to where i needed to have an arm brace and even then despite the HORRIBLE PAIN in my wrist, i still kept playing

i played so much i literally managed to rub the s and w letters of my siblings keyboard KSJFSF like it was for real. i miss that, like a lot. i dont play as much anymore because i mean. i have it on my laptop. my laptop is a gaming laptop and it can run!! but its better for my

yknow i dont think i have an actual reason and im literally about to cry thinking about it SKFSFJ the good computer with the good graphics and running is my siblings and id need permission, yknow how it is. PLUS im a bit stuck? i need an urugaan ruby for my barioth mission lmao but ill get there

monster hunter world is so beautiful. the environments are fucking stunning, the visual upgrade for the monsters was INSANE and just watching them be animals? it brings me so much joy KSJSJSJ

one of my favorites is the rotten vale, which is funny cuz i remember the first time i ever went there i was so. PARANOID. i use sound with pretty much everything i play since my eyes might not track everything thats happening, so hearing the ambience for the vale freaked me out so much, i stayedat the camp for SO LONG and good thing too cuz the radobaan makes its way down that path and i was shook SKFJSF

also the big fucking dalamadur skeleton in the vale is so. UGHHHH

i love horror and rot and decay!!! its frightening its unsettling but even still the vale is such a necessary part of the ecosystem!!! like wow monsters come there to DIE? are youINSANE

(dalamadur is like one of the biggest monsters for reference. the whole upper part of the vale is made of its skeleton cuz its a big snake its so UGHHH)

also the???? STOMACH ACID POOL?

they were cooking bro,,,,, such a gorgeous and unsettling environment goddd

like GOD i cant think of anything better, the story for MHW is so good man. the tracker said "its an ecological marvel" and i took that personally (i repeat that so much about random shit its not even funny how long ive been doing that for)

or how like... any of the docile monsters (tobi kadachi, banbaro, kulu ya ku, ETC) i genuinely if i go on expedition, and i see theres a docile monster in one of the locales, ill go there and just follow them around the ENTIRE TIME SFKSFS

heres SEVERAL pics of me with banbaros at different times KSJFS

that isnt even all of them with JUST banbaro 💀💀💀 its my favorite activity

and sometimes i get hit with the banbaro / nightshade paolumu / coral pukei combo!!!! thats a triple docile whammy!!!!! thriving

also heres a cute viper tobi shot :] love viper tobi

also also i cant believe i never said anything yet but VAAL HAZAK??? my actual liege look at this mf

MY LORD!!! vaal is so fucking cool man. and the KICKER??? DOCILE

whenever i do this quest i do just follow it around for a while (which. ive had to do this quest A LOT cuz i thought i get vitality crystals from it (yknow cuz i got some from it) so i have probably 100% killed more vaal hazak than any of the other elder dragons SKFJSF

vaal hazak is so cool cuz its covered in rotten meat and uses the effluvium (corpse gas) as its like. life source. it pulls excess effluvium from the vale into itself and expels it when theres not enough, so its keeping the ecosystem tame its so cool UGHH

also one of its moves it plays dead its so fucked up itll fall over like you've knocked it over and then just lay there but you hear its inhale and it looks up and BLASTS YOU with its effluvia gas beam (WHICH. THAT THING HURTS!!!!!! for real the effluvium attack is so. plus it also halves yr health? like if vaal hits you with that shit itll give you miasma or whatever and it HALFS YR HEALTH BAR and you gotta eat a nulberry to negate it

im not one for switching shit around in my like item bar tho (MAINLY cuz most the time ive played MHW was with my siblings mouse and its scroll bare was broken so swapping items was hard) so i just put on like 3 effluvia resistance gems and it cant give me miasma. problem solved SKFSJF

i did get so tired of fighting it cuz yknw its a hard fight its an elder dragon, but i will say like the MUSIC? thats one of the things like. when we fought megan in the forest, they gave us battle music and THAT is why i kicked ass and abandoned all my fear, monster hunter instincts kicked in and i tanked alright like it was NOTHING, battle music just hits different

vaal hazak theme is so fucking good!!!! "keeper of hades" ARE YOU INSANE? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND????? i cant believe this shit!!!!!!!!

monster hunter stop being the coolest franchise ever challenge KSFJSF

i did do vaal hazak fight with no music before cuz i was trying to see and. THE MUSIC DOES SO MUCH? literally there was like no adrenaline without the music it was just. :| oh. im in the vale. thats the dragon. hes gonna breath attack. okay LIKE IT WAS SO LACK LUSTER IT WAS INSANE

i never realized how much the music did for fights but its so.. vital bro like it gets you in the fighting mood it compliments the monster and the area its !!!GRAAAAHHHH

monster hunter soundtrack is literally so fucking good. BANGERS back to back literally every song is so fucking cracked its epic

dont even get me STARTED on "proof of a hero" that song makes me stim so fucking hard man it makes me feel so fucking good. my sibling made his ringtone for me that song and AUGHHH crying sobbing

like yeah this is proof that im a hero!!! literally makes me feel so proud and FOR WHATTTT

idk im such a firm believer in the importance of sound design, sound design is EVERYTHINGGG and MH does such a good job with that shit, the monster roars and environmental ambience, audio cues to what attack is gonna happen, the music its all. perfect 10/10 godtier shit

anyways this is my monster hunter ramble, it most likely will happen again. love this game with all my heart

#monster hunter #MHW #MH #monster hunter world #another love letter to this game #even tho ive written like 50 things like this in other places #JUST AS LONG TOO SFKJSF #Youtube

[thenotsolittlelady]

Oh thank you very much for the tag @ghilegab hun <3

1. Are you named after anyone? I was named after my dad’s grandma Lina who he liked very much and who I’ve never met :>

2. When was the last time you cried? Awwh man, yesterday I think? Watched Turning Red with my parents and these movies always make me cry (or anything, really... I cry easily, alright??)

3. Do you have kids? No and I’d rather not, they’re just not for me :x

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I think I do, but only around people close to me, or else I’d be scared the other person might misunderstand

5. What is the first thing you notice about a person? Oh boi, I’d probably say their outfit? Or hair, cause that’s what I’m most inscure about myself :x

6. What’s your eye color? Blue with a bit of green!

7. Scary movie or happy ending? Both depending on what mood I’m in! It has to be the right kind of scary movie tho, I don’t like these gory murder movies very much 

8. Any special talents? Man, I honstly don’t know, I’d say I’m just perfectly average, nothing special about me at all tbh

9. Where were you born? In a stupid town near my tiny village in the middle of nowhere in Germany (I don’t like it there very much)

10. What are your hobbies? Drawing, video games/live streaming, singing and playing the piano, D&D, writing (sorta) and some other shit that I (would) like to do but can’t because what even is motivation

11. Do you have any pets? Just one cat, a black one called Lucky. He’s barely home tho and spends a lot of time at my aunt’s house next door :c I honestly miss him a lot xD I would love to have more cats and also dogs and birds too ;; A ;;

12. What sports do you/have you played? I did kung fu for a bit and I like to dance (I suck at it tho xD ). I would love to do more but... motivation and also there’s nothing to do where I live

13. How tall are you? 172cm 

14. Favo(u)rite subject in school? I hated school, but if I had to choose... probably Latin. I loved all the stories about horny gods, and heroes roaming around for years after a war and stories of everyday people in ancient rome and greece. That was nice!

15. Dream Job? I honestly don’t know, I wish I had an answer, but instead I’m just here wasting my “potential” and being a failure🥲

Bonus: any significance to your blog’s name? Not really, it’s based on my usual username on the internet “LittleLadyLina” which I am not very proud of  So yeah, I’m just a little lady (or not so little I suppose)

Alright, tags! @airanke @enydaghoul @leaphia and @lemonmancer if you guys wanna do this! ; v ; And of course whoever is reading this and wants to answer some questions as well :>

#thank you for the tag!!! #i like these things every now and then :>

[unnerving-presence]

Rate the DBD killers from 1-10 based on how chewable their arms are

trapper- old trapper ? 10/10 very smooth and chewable arms. new trapper? 3/10. very crispy arms. would hold his hand though i love him <3

wraith- 10/10 very buff and smooth arms that i want to chew on forever

hillbilly- 4/10 not very chewable arms. they probably smell but that’s okay i love him for who he is

nurse- 0/10 very skinny and also probably burnt up from her ass blinking so much. not chewable

myers- 7/10 very chewable. needs a bit more meat on them bones tho

hag- 0/10 i’d probably get e. coli if i chewed on her arm

doctor- 2/10. they LOOK very chewable but those wires in his arms aren’t no joke. i’d probably bite it and end up electrocuting myself

anna- 9/10. mommy arms. very muscular and chewable :]

bubba- 10/10. very chewable arms. meaty and muscular which is perfect for going chomp chomp

freddy- 0/10. no

amanda- 6/10. has some arm chewing potential. would have to examine her arms more just to see for certain

clown- 7/10. probably big arms which is optimal chewing conditions. you should probably wash his arm first though. they smell like fingers

spirit- 10/10. her forearms look very soft. would chew. just not above her sliced up part of her arms

frank- 5/10. his arms are probably greasy and smell but look chewable enough. maybe..

julie- 7/10. has very nice arms. would chew.

susie- no opinion. i have no idea if she’s a minor or not. she’s super cute tho i love her style

joey- 9/10. optimal arms for chewing. would chew again if i had the chance

adiris- 0/10 would probably contract every disease known to man if i even touched her. no thanks, hun

ghostface- 0/10 i hope he gets bombed in lore and dies

demogorgon- 4/10. probably doesn’t have the most chewable arms? they’re probably at least a tiny bit slimy all the time, but it might be able to work if you’re bold enough

oni- 10/10. big man big arms. has veins also. would chew like no tomorrow. chewing them biceps too..

deathslinger- 2/10. probably doesn’t have the most chewable arms. they don’t look very soft so it’s a pass for me

pyramid head- 10/10. has the most chewable arms i’ve ever seen i wanna lather them up in my own spit

blight- 6/10. chewable arms but i’m scared i’d get some of that blight shit in me on accident

twins- 4/10. charlottes arms look a bit soft but victor will be staring me down the entire time and probably growling at me like a feral rat. would not attempt

trickster- 8/10. soft arms. very chewable. would also lick them

nemesis- 10/10. he’s mainly covered in a carbon fiber type of material. looks hella soft and i would chew the fuck out of it. he can’t exactly.. take it off so i don’t have a problem going chomp chomp on his arm

pinhead- 10/10. leather daddy but also has soft looking arms. he’d probably like it if you chewed his arms anyways. probably the best person for arm chewing

artist- 2/10. her ink arms looks very chewable but theyre.. ink.. i’d probably die if i chewed on her arms. unfortunate :( they look rubbery and chewy

sadako- 8/10. very soft looking arms. would chew

dredge- 6/10. depends if you’re willing to chew its arm. has many different body parts as an arm so.. your choice if you wanna take the risk. i personally would not

wesker- 10/10. would chew his arms any day. you cannot tell me his arms aren’t chewable because they are. chomp

knight- 10/10 i don’t care if he has chewable arms or not i want them in my fucking mouth oh my god i love knights (would chew all of his guard’s arms lowkey)

skull merchant- 8/10. soft looking arms. might chew but i am not fond of her at the moment. might warm up to her tho..

[buddhajesuschrusthole]

Hey everybody on tumblr (or whatever this damn fucking app is called ) - I am not a hip youngster anymore I am 25 years old and have never used this shit!

But anyway - hello!

I will be sharing today - one of my favorite things - advice on manifesting what you want to happen for you in this lifetime!

So! Without further adue- (is that how you spell it, French people?) Here is my blog on the subject! (At least for tonight haha, today is November 17th , 2023!)

So - manifesting! Have you heard of that term? It means - “bringing into reality / making your dreams come true!”

Manifesting your dreams therefore means - you guessed it - bringing your dreams from the dream realm - into your real life realm! (Turning your fantasy into reality!)

I’m serious, dawg! It’s happened to me - so that’s how I know! - So I don’t want to hear it! Lol! Jk - but I mean it tho!

So - I have manifested many-a-thing. Including - my dream boyfriend! (YES , I mean it - like he is the LITERAL GUY I wanted for SO LONG - the man I fantasized about in bed - before it actually happened! OMG - crazy - right!? NO! Because it’s fucking real! Now listen dawg…)

So here’s the story - so - years ago - I had wished for a guy with long hair down to his ass - a gorgeous one - that I literally would marry!

(We didn’t get married yet but that’s not the point!)

Years after I wished for that (YES, YEARS AFTER), I met this guy at work - named Devon (I literally remember thinking in bed one day - years before this happened - that his name would start with a damn D?!! WTF!!) - and was soooo cute! I loved him aaaaaaaaaaa! He was literally so adorable, I can’t even tell you!

But anyway - he was my type - shy - quiet - an asshole! Hahahha - just kidding Devon, I love you! No, but - maybe a lil bit. Lmao! (Sorry baby - I love you!)

But anyway he looked exactly like the kind of guy I would want to date tbh! So ummmm, so I talked to him as much as I could, even though he scared the shit out of me! He just had this intense stare of like - hate towards everybody - lmaooo! I can’t explain it but - if you experienced it before - then you probably know what I’m talking about haha!

He was just like - very anti-social and quiet - but I liked him anyway! Every time I talked to him - he was always nice to me! So that’s good haha!

Except for that one time at work - where I asked him where the cheese was during a rush (we worked in a kitchen at BDubs) - and we went in the walk-in fridge and he started kicking shit out of anger - and then I cried because I was scared that he hated me (he didn’t see that tho…) Oopsie Devon! You bitch! Lmao! Jk - I still love you!

Except for that one time - he was a really nice guy! Ummmm, so far hahaha!

But then after two weeks of working with him he walked-out and quit! Oh no! Fuck! He was the hottest guy at work and then I was so disappointed and mad tbh, lmaooo! Mostly because I had to do his job and mine - two weeks into my new fucking job - ahhhh!!!!!

I didn’t even know how to make nachos - and they still had me do it - all by myself - even in a rush! WTF!!! I had just started!!! Those bastards couldn’t hire someone!? Fine! So I did it all by myself!!!! (I’m serious - I was so mad wtf!)

But anyway - a few months go by - then I walk out too! Cuz I’m tired of working two peoples jobs - when I literally asked them to hire my two friends - and they just wouldn’t! WTF!

So yeah! That’s why I quit that one~! Hahahaha…

But! I think a few more months go by - or weeks!? I don’t even remember hahahaha I’m so sorry - but - it wasn’t too long…

But one night - I was thinking about Devon - in bed - by myself - and I was like damn - he was so cute! I miss him! - and I was taking out loud to myself and I went “Well, if he liked me, I’m sure he’d let me know!”

AND I SHIT YOU NOT!!!! I SHIT YOU NOT - he literally followed me on my instagram - THE NEXT MORNING! LMAOOO!! NO FUCKING WAY!

Yes, it’s true - this is the fucking facts of my life y’all! It’s literally all over my old YouTube channel!

That moment is what you’d call a serendipitous synchronicity! A moment of WTF and mystery - and a moment of - how the fuck is this even happening right now!? (It kind of felt like a dream I’m NGL!)

And the rest I’m going to keep from you - because it took about a year for us to get together - but I blocked him two weeks after he followed me - because I messaged him and we started taking but then he pissed me off - so I blocked him and cried about it!

But yeah - before that happened - me and him planned to meet at the park - but we couldn’t find each other (and I had to walk there.) But that’s not why I blocked him, so - blocked him because he pissed me off because I told him I liked him - and then he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship right now (he kept talking about his ex gf and how much he missed her prior to this - and told me that he was crying blah blah blah.) (That was his only gf so I am giving him a fucking break in this one, but still - goddamn bitch!)

They had broken up a few years prior to that so I was like - wow. But they were together for three years and I can’t even imagine being in a relationship that long - so I can’t sympathize 100 percent… but I tried, goddamn it!

But yeah - I blocked him because of that ( even though I probably shouldn’t have told him I liked him the day after he cried to me about his ex gf, I think he just needed a friend tbh - but I wasn’t being a friend - I was being a thirsty bitch! Hahaha goddamn it!)

But to be fair he was flirting with me and it really mad me angry! So yeah! Kudos to past me! Muahahahha!

But anyway - even though he was a beautiful guy - I blocked his ass and cried about it immediately after - because after I blocked him - I unblocked him but then found out that he blocked me, too. (To be fair , after I told him I liked him I went ahead and told him I would just go fuck this other guy instead (he was hot too…))

Goddamn, maybe I was a damn bitch….oh well.

But anyway!

Me and that other guy met one time (I think it was a few days after or something, but we never saw each other again, and no we didn’t fuck, just hung out and shit, didn’t even kiss the guy.)

But yeah. So that’s why I blocked him ~!

But then! After that second guy kind of hurt me because he didn’t text me back after we hung out (maybe it’s because I pointed out this girls choker in his fucking car!?) IDK if he had a gf or what but - ew.

I was like sad and shit - but then I was like - fuck men! So I stayed single after that.

I just wanted my soulmate tbh.

But honestly - the dating sites weren’t working - and I was bored.

So I messaged Devon on his Facebook account like (two to four) months after I blocked him hahaha!

He didn’t reply for two weeks - but then he saw it and replied ( I think he didn’t see it because we weren’t friends - either that or he was ignoring me but idc I understand tbh!)

But he messaged me back and we started talking - I tried not to be clingy this time - but when I wanted him to message me first - he didn’t. So I was like wow, why should I message you first if you don’t message me first!? The fuck!

But I don’t think that technique worked… because I went a few weeks without messaging him - and then I messaged him once after that and I saw that he had blocked me.

I was like “NOoOoOooO!!!” And I cried - I’m sorry I’m just a sappy lil bitch tbh - even though it’s my own fault cuz I blocked the guy first!

Hahahhaha oh lord.

But anyway - I cried for a few days because I still had a crush on him and all that… but after that happened - I told myself that he just needed time. I told myself that he was going through something and wouldn’t just block me out of nowhere for nothing. (Which ended up being the truth - he was indeed going through something.)

So - months and months and months go by - maybe six months? Seven months? I don’t know how many! Maybe five? I’m not good at math nor time - sorry folks.

But anyway - months go by - and during those months - I was vigorously masterbating to him.

Yes, I mean every damn day!

I mean it.

But anyway - I imagined him massaging me in my bed with lotion all over my back - making it nice and relaxing and romantic.

I imagined him eating me out and plowing the shit out of my vagina hole.

And I mean it, too!

Anyway - I told myself not to worry - and that if he really liked me that much - that he would unblock me eventually.

Low and behold - the day comes - I’m browsing my Facebook messenger - and I see his bubble was online!

I was like - why would his bubble be online to me if he has me blocked still - that seems dumb.

So I clicked on his bubble and it took me to his profile - which wouldn’t happen if you’re blocked. (IK you already know this, ladies and gentlemen, hahaha jk!)

But anyway - I clicked on it and I was so happy because I was like OMG no way - he finally unblocked me after how many months!?

So I didn’t message him that day - I waited for him to do - which was unrealistic and he didn’t end up doing anything - so like a week or two goes by and then I decide to message him!

I was like “Hey Devon - so - why did you block me - I thought I told you that I was going through some emotional stuff and I thought you had forgiven me for that already?”

Then he said something like “Yeah I’m sorry - I don’t really know why I did that.”

And I was like “Sure you do, buddy! I know I blocked you first and I know it’s my own fault - but I’m very sorry and I hope you understand that I liked you and wanted to be your friend - I was just going through a lot emotionally at the time.”

And he told me he understood, and he told me something along the lines of “I think you are a wonderful person - I am sorry if I hurt you - I didn’t mean to.”

And inside I felt so happy because I thought that was sweet…

So we talked - and talked - and talked - and then every day after that - I messaged him - not caring who was first to do it anymore. I guess I just liked him that much or something haha. But he always messaged me back and didn’t leave me on read or anything.

So that’s good.

So I think a month of that goes by - and then I finally ask him if he wants to hang out with me - and he says yes.

(Remember when I told you I couldn’t find him at the park? He thought I stood him up - and I thought he had stood me up, too. That was also before I told him I liked him. Probably not a good plan to tell him after that , and the fact that he cried about his ex the night before. But whatever - I was thirsty - he was hot - what can I say? LMAO And guys - he did tell me he thought I was very attractive (before I blocked him and before he blocked me lol) - so I know he didn’t think I was ugly so that’s definitely not it.)

So here is another weird coincidence : also called a serendipitous moment - also called a synchronicity - meaning that we are synchronized!

Before the day we hung out - I had asked myself - “what would that moment be like?”

So, I had imagined that moment - and guess what? The very thing I had imagined and hoped for - became the ultimate reality that day that we hung out.

To the very T.

(Which is also why it weirds me out a little - but it’s also very beautiful - if you ask me~!)

I mean to the damn T - the energy was the same - and before we hung out I hoped that he would ask to buy me a coffee (which he did ask me if he could get me one one day!) Plus - I had hoped that he would hang out with me every week after that (which he had said to me - something along the lines of: “We should make it a tradition to see each other every week, or something.”)

But yeah now we’re dating.

(We didn’t get to see each other every week after that - but we did see each other - and I am very happy that he’s a blessing in my life now. He is a dream come true and I have told him this - and he had also told me that he had sex dreams about me and about us dating before it actually happened.)

We were friends for a few months after we first hung out - and then I told him: (“What are we doing here? I like you. And I need to know if you like me too. And if not , tell me now.”)

Then he told me he was confused too and then we talked about it - and then I invited him to a sleepover. The rest is personal - but honestly we’re dating now. So the rest is history.

However, he does remind me of a character I made up in my head, whom I said had long dark hair, and who would be my husband one day.

Like I said - this was so many years ago - probably about four or so years ago that I made up that fantasy.

And I told myself he’d like to read too - which he does! Which is crazy to me! Now all I have to do is make him gothic and he will literally be the exact match to my fantasy many years ago. (He does like gothic stuff so I don’t think that’ll be too hard.)

But yeah that’s the story of me and my boyfriend - omg I missed a detail!

I remember - the day after we officially got together - the next day Devon had told me that his brother had got an engagement ring for his girlfriend and that he was going to ask her to marry her!

I just thought that was significant since - like I said - this guy reminds me of my fantasy that I had of a husband. LMAOOO!

But yeah! Thanks for reading and listening to my story! Leave a like and follow for more manifesting stories - I have lots - even scary bits! :D

Also look up my YouTube if you’re interested - Buddha Jesus Chrusthole (Infinite Butthole Jesus)!

#manifesting #synchronicity #stories #crazy #cool stuff #meditation #social media #makeup #the mandalorian #kpop layouts #i am drinking your milkshake #portrait #poetry #photography #personal #blogger #bd/sm blog #basketball #yandere #2010's 2019's anime #black and white #landscape #harry potter #gay #ryan gosling #london #love #romance #so true #truth

[fushigurro]

i’m interested in you and toji, sweet dahlia!! 😠❤️‍🔥

u are so very sweet and i thank you for sending these!!!!! <33 i've been thinking about them instead of working LMAO i'm so long-winded sry 😪

😠: what's the worst fight you've had?

okay okay so i feel like we squabble often on a relatively surface level but one of our biggest fights probably happened during the process of us trying to determine what we actually were to each other. things with us didn't exactly start out with the intention of 'oh yes we're both looking for a relationship let's go out and date and see where things go!!' because, well… he's toji, and i'm me. i was not really interested in getting involved with somebody and neither was he, but he likes to bounce around between women and get his dick wet ofc.

anyways. cue the attachment eventually settling in after a while of messing around. he's still somewhat in the mindset of 'this is not that serious' because he's in denial, and i'm not exactly wanting to toss labels on things because i get fucking horrified lmao but at this point i'm like 'i need to know kind of what the fuck is going on. do i need to expect something from you or learn to let you go when this thing is over soon?'

bringing the topic up makes him go cold on me because a) he's scared of declaring any sort of legitimate feelings and commitment and b) is also a little afraid of the fact that i can cut him off at a moment's notice (because he secretly doesn't want me to). so it's easier for him to be a dick and try and shut it down first. but he still wants pussy (and emotional fulfillment) and tries to hit me up afterwards, to which i get very pissed and make it clear that i'm not his little toy and i'm sure there are plenty of other girls who would like to fill that role.

he thinks that coming over to my place will change my mind but we just end up arguing because i won't back down and it's either going to force him to leave me alone for good or admit that he wants to be with me.

and guess what 😌

❤️‍🔥: how do your love languages differ?

this is a good question!!!!! so i am a HUGE 'quality time' gurl because i spent the majority of my childhood/life alone and even though i also weirdly love being by myself, it means the world to me when people close to me show me they love me by spending uninterrupted time with me.

i feel like toji can also be like this to a degree, like just chilling and being there with him is enough, but he also has a physical touch love language. it's not exactly lovey dovey mushy gushy up in my face hugs n kisses (tho he does get super horny and grope-y at times), but more like a firm squeeze of the knee, thigh, or cheeks, an arm around my waist or hand against my back sometimes. i usually don't like being touched that much but it grows on me fairly quickly even if i get grumbly sometimes

i don't think he goes overboard on possessive body language in public because just his intimidating presence is often enough lmao, but sometimes he'll just unabashedly do horny shit even if he just scolded me for doing the same thing like 30 mins ago.

also!!! i can be a bit of a gift giver at times which probably makes him go '????' because he doesn't exactly know how to react at first. but he gets more used to it over time lol

self-ship questions

#moot: kae #letters. #ss: toji

[beesflowers]

Okay since your genshin oc Dehrret is Heizou's s/o and Sean despises Heizou I desperately need both of them to have an (platonic obviously) interaction!! (I would write it myself but I don't know jack shit about your oc so I'm leaving it to you darling~♡)

𝒟𝑒𝓇𝓇𝑒𝓉𝒽 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒮𝑒𝒶𝓃

Answer: Of course!! Like I said many times I absolutely love Sean and Derreth so it was perfect for me to do! Hope you enjoy dear moot and thank you for requesting! <3 Also sorry in advance if I got Seans personality wrong...

Characters: Derreth x Sean

Type: platonic, oc x oc

Note: I had way too much fun with this I swear-

It was evening and Sean was resting near Inazumas bridge which Derreth happened to pass by so of course she had to approach black haired boy by covering his eyes and playing a childish game with him.

"Guess who~"

"Could it be Derreth? Wow, look at that. I would never expect it."

"You're not good with sarcasm, you know that?"

"Did you came to talk my ear of again?"

"Maybe~ Let me tell you what Heizou did today!"

"I'm not interested in him."

"Even when I tell you he was begging me for forgiveness today?"

"I'm listening."

"Okey so! I was classically betting with Itto but then Heizou came and he scared off our beetles! I wasn't mad or anything but I wanted to pretend a bit!"

"And how did it went? He's a detective so I'm only guessing it wasn't easy?"

"You'd be surprised! You forget that I am with him for long enough to know his weak spots! And so around 10 minutes earlier he came to me with chocolates and kept apologizing. By the way, want a chocolate?"

"You're suggesting that now? But yes, thank you. Although I admit I wish I was there when he was on his knees a bit. But he'd probably use it to talk with me..."

"Oh right! I tried talking with him about you and to not traumatize you but you know him... he's stubborn!"

"Even you weren't able to persuade him? Well then there's nothing else."

"If you ever feel like runnig away from Inazuma then tell me! You got master right there!"

"I can always count on Yoimiya."

"..."

"Alright, you're also amazing. Happy?"

"Yes! You can get another chocolate as reward!"

"Wow, you're so generous today..."

"Hey! You're getting better and better at sarcasm!"

And so the two ended up happily chatting with chocolates bought by Heizou because of little pretending moment~ They both definitely didn't mind tho as one dislikes the detective and the other enjoys making his life just a bit harder~

#genshin #genshin impact #oc #genshin oc #genshin impact oc #oc x oc

[icharchivist]

Belial speaking french scares me, to be honest. I don't know why. On the other hand, I am kind of curious of french Lucifer. Also no idea why

Also I think my native language also has mostly sexual inspired cursed and I think I lately thought about how poor english is for not having curse meaning to get fucked in the ass, tho my native variant is more literally get a dick up your ass, but really, it's basically the same 😌 Do you also feel like english curses are kinda lighter than your native? Like these just don't feel enough serious and curse-like to be really helpful with showing off anger at something

I wonder what would make Lucifer curse? What would make Lucio curse? Idk just felt like sharing

Hope you feel better now! Want some cookies?

French speaking Belial is just Lobelia, that's why it's scary.

Lucifer would be able to use French for good. I don't know how, but he could. he would.

AND HEEYYYYY relatability on the cursing i see.

and god yeah i do find English cursing to be extremely limiting. One thing i personally really like with french in general is the way you can add up curse words to build on one another. a bit like how i could go "holy fucking shit" but, idk, i don't think there's the same degree.

For instance when i'm really, really angry (like i hurt myself, or i dropped something while i'm pissed ect), what comes off without even me to think about it is "putain de bordel de merde de connerie à la con" and, i'll be frank, aside from "putain" i can easily translate to "fuck" and "merde" to "shit", i don't know how to properly convey the rest. (and neither can google translate!)

in English i think most curse words don't really have a punch to it, "fuck" is the only one that gets close to the punch one can expect. for the insults themselves there's goodies in english though, i do think we have more variety in french that ends up making it punchy.

"the language of love" and my frustration is how much i can't just swear as much as i would like to in English because French has so much!

as for what would make the Luci swear, that's a good question. I feel like Lucio would swear more easily. And i mean, the guy was a stage actor. I'm sure he knows the drama that comes with a nicely placed swear word. He just rarely does it. and i feel like he wouldn't like using religion-related swearing because like "Fucking God? Why would i fuck my father. hello." or "holy shit? you think Bahamut bothered with this Shit?" (he'd use some "go to hell" though but with the weight of knowing exactly how it is there. you know that if he wishes you that, he hates you so. so much.) i'd see him use fucking swearwords though. He'd see Sandalphon get offended once and he'd immeditately think it's the funniest thing ever.

(Sandalphon meanwhile swears a lot, in any way possible. He just thinks it's unbecoming of Lucio to use Lucifer's mouth for this.)

meanwhile i could see Lucifer like. Never swear. at all.

Until he slips a cup of coffee and suddenly he just whispers a "fuck.". That he totally learnt from Belial. And he may have whispered it yet all the angels around him suddenly froze to stare at him because WHAT.

This is how i see it at least.

Thank you for the good wishes!! i'm still a bit tired but i'm getting some energy back at least, so i'm feeling better. thank you very much for the concern and i hope you're doing well <333

#ichareply #lucyferros #ichafantalks gbf

[mavspeed]

Hi faerie_ground/ Desi,

I'm writing this in your ask box because for some reason my DMs are being stupid and not opening. My name's Kai, I go by Shearmouth on AO3, and I've been a rabid follower of "cloaked" since I found it around chapter 4's posting. I've already left you several reviews, but I wanted to reach out and let you know again how much this story means to me, and how grateful I am to you for creating it, so you can have a loving message from one of your readers to take into the new year (and on your much-deserved hiatus!) with you.

Trigger warning for CSA and its associated shittiness.

When I was 10 I was molested by a very close family member. Due to life circumstances, I didn't really have a way to get away from this person, and the response of my primary caregiver at the time was to kinda sweep it under the rug. Luckily it didn't happen again, but the body keeps the score and all that. 10 years later, during covid, the trauma started surfacing in therapy. I've spent the last 2 years working on it. I have been told by the same caregiver I confided in when it first happened to keep it to myself, don't talk about it, keep the peace in the family. There was a long time where I felt deeply broken, tainted almost. Like I never truly would heal from it. And I was so angry that it ever happened at all.

Though I've made tons of progress since then, I still find enormous catharsis in fanfic featuring sexual abuse and recovery. A few stand out, but yours is at the top of the list, despite being barely half posted. I've said it before but I'll say it again– your handling of the subject matter is nothing short of masterful. This is heavy, heavy shit. But you manage to say it out loud and look it in the face in a way that's both agonizing, and deeply moving. Maverick's reaction to his abuse is familiar to anyone who's gone through something like it, I think. The shame, the terror, the dread. Feeling like you've been dirtied beyond hope. That your friends and loved ones see you reduced to only what was done to you. And the rage. All that rage, with nowhere to go.

Maverick feels all this and more, and in the beginning it was torture to watch him go through it alone. As Ice slowly earns his trust again and works his way back into his heart, we see Maverick starting to let him in and lean on him. And Ice, flawed and frightened as he may be, is showing up for Maverick. He's standing by him through that terror and shame and rage. And we're seeing Maverick soften into it and accept that love from Ice.

So many people don't get that. So many people go through this alone, from start to finish. I was lucky. I have two amazing friends who stood by me, and a few excellent therapists. But even with them, working through this has seen me lonelier than at almost any other point in my life. I can't imagine how hard it is for survivors who truly don't have anyone. But here we get to see Mav accept the help, and start to move toward the path of healing. Ice, of course, can't fix this for him. But he can have his back. And that is invaluable. He's there for Mav even when Mav is being pissy and scared and angry and all the nasty emotions one tends to feel in the wake of such a traumatic experience. Thank you for giving that to him, and vicariously, to me. I can't wait to watch them heal, separately and together.

I'm rambling a bit, but the point is this: the story that you're making is incredibly profound. It's expertly executed. It's gripping and moving and heartbreaking. And for me, coming to it with my history, it's extremely cathartic. I'm so grateful to you for putting this into the world. Thank you.

I wait with bated breathed for the next chapter (even tho I'm scared, wtf does negative comfort even MEAN AUGH IM FRIGHTENED), and I'll be counting the days until February or whenever you come off hiatus! I hope you enjoy a well-deserved rest from this beast, and in the meantime happy new year!

Love, Kai

HIII putting this under a read more cos it got long. general trigger warning for discussions of rape/non-con/CSA

first off can i just say. i am SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO THIS this ask legitimately did not show up in my notifs. i had the shock of my LIFE when i came on tumblr web and realised i received 2 asks from you. lmfjgfjfjffj tumblr.............

second of all there is no need for an introduction (this may sound creepy) but i know who you are i really look forward to seeing your comments on cloaked you have no idea!!! each comment is like a balm to my soul i recognise every single one of my regular, semi-regular, dying-but-hanging-in-there commenters lmao i love yall serious

third!! this ask moved me to tears. seriously seriously SERIOUSLY it did i had to run off to the bathroom at work and then run back bc my work is a deadline-based hellsite. ANYWAY i am so sorry you went through that, you should never have done and these situations just remind us of how horrible and awful some people can be. im so glad you're seeking help for it right now, that's the right step and im so proud you had the courage to do it!

as for everything else- im also relieved that this story resonates with you! truth be told i was nervous about posting the first chapter bc its such a dark subject matter and we know what purity culture is like these days. don't discuss sensitive issues, don't put it in your fic, etc etc etc. i have my own opinions on these but in all honesty, cloaked was just going to be a straightforward retelling of tgm in tg86 squad's perspective until i came across a story handling rape/non-con..... not well. at all. and its not the first fandom ive seen this be handled in a way thats... just not to my liking, lets leave it at that. so believe it or not cloaked came about half out of spite and half out of personal reasons (i think i said some of it in my reply to you lol)

anyway thank YOU for sharing your story with me and please believe me when I say you're not alone!! a huge part of cloaked is the arc of mav coming to realise he doesn't have to deal with his trauma by himself. he has people around him (not just ice), and eventually, they push him to get the help he needs (is this a spoiler? nvm idc lmao). trust me, i put careful thought into it for a reason! thank YOU for realising it and coming to terms with it :') you're definitely not alone and anytime you feel as such, seek out help! my dms are always open too :D

also i feel like i don't need to say this but once again any form of way you use to go forth in your recovery is so so valid. if you wanna read my fic 1000 times over or others dealing in this content to get a step ahead, please do so. if you wanna ask me for personal headcanons/thoughts/etc in the cloaked verse specifically, please do so. im always ready and willing to talk!!

this reply got so godawfully long to end it off... i don't know which point you're at in the process of your recovery, but i hope you get the healing you deserve, which you do very much. thank you for being so brave to share your story <3 i sincerely hope cloaked ends in a fitting way to make you proud as well lmfkgjkgj ahhaha insert high-pitched nervous laughter

#sorry for how late this response is i truly feel so bad for replying late LMFJNDJFJ #ask #also the negative comfort thing. LMFJNFGJ now that the chapter is out i think we all know what it refers to.. big F #but it gets better from here on!

[mrstsung]

I love the idea of shang tsung refusing me to compete in a tournament. As well as stops challenging earthrealm just because he doesn't wanna lose me. Or get myself killed because im a spiteful binch,and would totally go apeshit for his sake. Because i care like that. But ngl I'd have trouble killing because one im lazy and two i kinda feel like it wouldn't solve anything really and it goes kinda against my morals but not because someone may not deserve it,i kinda feel illogical with it. Plus im a softie ok? A smol bean with a knife,but a softie none the less.

So shang is trying to hard to prevent me from entering any kind of tournament.

Even tho he trained me. Even if i have all the capabilities of an excellent warrior. Even if i would become a loyal servent and become a new champion even.

Nah he just wants me as wifey because he may get a fucking heart attack if he sees one papercut on me

Because again,he's so damn scared to lose me. In his eyes the one pure soul in his life. (Even tho im not really that pure shang -_-)

I just find this dynamic hilariously karmatic for him.

I looooove the karmatic partners.

Like shang tsung finally gets someone whos perfect for him but they dont kill,and their kind,and they are domestic af,and he feels soft. And now he's forced to fucking heal fr and leave earthrealm tf alone. Less he loses his precious treasure. Lmfao.

Its great. Because i love forcing big bads to play nice. Like he can still be an asshole evil shit. But he's forced to be nice for his wife.

Like this is both empowering and humbling at the same time.

Shang is above all things chaotic,and self serving. Buuuuut in the same vein he's genuine. It's hard to pin point him tbh.

Shang does shit sometimes for the lolz. Because he loves getting a reaction outta people. Nothing more or less.

But again. Not saying i couldn't FINISH HIM/THEM/HER!

But again i don't feel i would have the heart in it to do it.

And shang would know this. And try everything to have me not be involved with that.

Now i can see him teaching me to fight to protect myself in case i am attacked. Especially on our island. Like gotta protect the dragons perch ya know.

But as for a genuine tournament fight? Nah. He's completely against me entering.

He doesn't think im too soft. He thinks i genuinely wouldn't be able to without severe pain to my soul. And he protects my soul like i was the rarest peach in the realms.

Like nobody's allowed to have me,kill me,take me,etc BUT HIM.

And that's such a fave trope of mine.

Like idc if people don't like it,they can move on elsewhere. Shang being overprotective and genuinely in love is great. It's hilarious. It's entertaining. It's uwu. And it's a whole damn category in itself. Plus its karma for him. And i loooooove karma for big bads but lets em down gently. Ya know. Killin em softly. Sweetly. Heehee.

#mortal kombat #self ship #self shipping #shang tsung #💚heart and soul🐍 #shang tsung mortal kombat #mk f/o #antagonist f/o #villain f/o #villain/antagonist f/o #admin rambles #hcs #my hcs #shang tsung hcs

[laminated-loser]

Can I request newt x reader, but the reader is the one who came up before newt and was like the 4th or 6th to arrive, and they are a runner runner with Minho, and just how they find newt and take care of him after he tried to killed himself but failed.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense I suck at words.

Don't worry, it makes perfect sense, hun. I can totally do this. Thank you lovely Anon for giving me something to do. I am very sorry if it sucks tho, love ya. Also, sorry this is late. I meant to get it out much sooner. Yo this fucking sucks.

Pairing: Next x GN! Reader

Warnings: Su1c!d3 attempt, gonna be lots of fluff don't worry little ones, this is probs gonna suck bc even tho I read the books and watched the movies many things are going to be out of line and the time line is gonna be fucked. Definetly before Thomas came obviously.

Genre: Fluff and Angst

Ack, good luck.

You stood fom inspecting something behind the vines that grew on the Maze walls and looked back at Minho. "What was it?" He asked. "Just another one of those WICKED things. Same as the others." You sighed, shaking your head.

"We should start heading back. Its getting late." You nod in reply and begin your route back to the Glade. "I wonder how Newt's doing. Since this is only his second run." You said. Minho rolled his eyes. "I'm still surprised that you didn't ask to run with him rather then me." He said teasingly.

You bumped his shoulder, throwing him slightly off balance. "I can't just not run with you. You'd get lost in here and become Griever food." You snickered. "Me getting lost? What about you?? Last run you took how many wrong turns?" You cringed. "Don't remind me. I embarrassed myself in front of Newt in the process.." You whined.

Minho opened his mouth to say something else but instead stoppes in his tracks. "Minho? Whats wrong-" Your words dried in your throat as you followed his gaze to the blonde boy that had climbed up the vines and looked as if he wanted to jump.

"Newt!" You wasted no time running to the wall he climbed. His head whipped around to look at you as he heard his name leave your mouth. His fingers let the vine go and his legs slipped off. He fell. Your scream bounced off the Maze.

~

When Newt opened his eyes, his body ached and his leg hurt like hell. He turned his head and saw you sitting next to the bed he was in with your fingers intertwined with his own. Your eyes were closed and tear tracks traced down your face.

He sqeezed your hand gently and your eyes shot open, looking at him with desperation and happiness. Your lower lip trembled and the tears began again. "Dont ever fucking do that again." You said sternly, the shake in your voice showing how worried you were.

"I- I'm.. I'm sorry, Y/N..." Newt whispered, avoiding your gaze. He tried to slip his hand out of yours but you only squeezed tighter. "You do not get to leave this bed until you are fully recovered. And you do not get to resist anything you are given, alright?" You told him. "And if I want to hold your hand, im going to hold your hand because you scared the shit out of me. God you're a dick. I like you way to much for you to leave so soon." You hugged him tightly.

Newt's eyes widened slightly and slowly hugged you back. "Sorry.." He muttered. "I am going to take care of you for however long it takes. Minho is going to kill me because he's down two runners but I don't care I am staying with you." You said, grabbing his face in your hands and forcing him to meet your gaze. "Okay?" He hesitated before nodding. "Okay." You gave him a quick kiss to the forehead and smiled. "Good. Now, I am going to go get us some lunch. Be right back!"

You left to go get lunch and Newt stared after you. He couldn't stop the smile that appeared on his face.

(My dear Anon this the end but if you would like more feel free to ask for more. I do hope you liked this and that it lived up to your expectations. If it didnt i sincerely apologize for wasting your time.)

#maze runner x gn reader #fluff #angst #su1c!d3 attempt #you dear anon are amazing thank you #newt x gn! reader

[izzy-b-hands]

34 & 44!

Connie!!! Thank you!! 💖💖💖💛💛!

34. is there a song you know every word to by heart?

This is where the Autism kicks in akdnfkgng, even if I dislike a song (like actively hate lmaooo) if I hear it enough it will be stuck in there, fully remembered, forever. I can't remember my cousin's bdays without it being marked already on a calendar, but if someone asked me to sing any song I hate for karaoke? (Let's go with Blurred Lines because I watch an old Big Fat Quiz ep and guess what they played more than once 🙃): I could do it. It might not sound good, but by god every word would be there.

On the plus side, songs I love also stick in there easily, which means there's also a selection of MCR, anything that's ever been on a Saints Row soundtrack, the entire OFMD soundtrack (literally have not relistened to The Chain because it's been in my head on repeat since I watched it 😂)

Fuck the Autism also kicked in on this answer (and the next im so sorry ilu) what a book, forgive me for these lmaooo

44. you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

Okay so I'm v stoned and got waaay too deep into this question ngl like. considering who and the concept of revenge and vigilante justice and would seeking the other person's death really create an overwhelming sense of fulfillment and peace, or simply mutate the current grief into something twisted and painful that haunts one until their death? Then thinking if I undertook manipulation to ensure the death of someone else but had to spend time in their company as a result am I then no better than them for having taken their hospitality which comes from their horrific actions?

Then I realized the best answer is probably Thomas Hardy or (and hoo boy am I a little scared to note this one hence writing it to evade tags) J./K./R./

The first because I hate having to read his sad sack books and like. I think it would be a mercy to kill him and put him out of his fucking misery. "Because we are to meny" fuck u Tommy Boy that shit destroyed me

And the second because her work was a huge part of my childhood. I loved that shit; I still have merch from my middle school days even that is in storage to be burned later. At one point I had planned a tattoo of a fave line even (I'm glad I waited, but had I gotten it I think now I would just be figuring out a good cover up design. That's just me personally tho cuz like. who tf gets a fun fandom tattoo and then expects This Shit from the author, ya know? I didn't as a kid, planning for that tattoo while I reread the books.)

As a result of who she's revealed herself to be and what she believes, I've cut that part of myself out like a cancer (tearing up the old books and using them for art projects, the merch burning is probably going to be done this or next summer or whenever we aren't in a damn drought with bonfire bans) but bits of it linger, ya know? Like I'll think of a song from middle school and then be blasted with the memory of how I played it on repeat while reading the latest in the series, and then remember Why i haven't been able to listen to the song in years

I wish i could literally erase all of it from my memory, never see the books or merch or the movies (on streaming sites too) ever again. But since I can't, though I keep on trying, I would settle for doing to her what she thinks should happen to people like me

However she also seems like a scrapper and she's taller than me so tbh I dunno if I would be successful or if it would be a mutual fight to the death, but I would be fine with that too. Not a win-win, but not every situation is in life lol

#text post #ask box things #the killing one got dark lmaooo but im v stoned so i actually took the time to consider it and #briefly got stuck researching ppl to choose best #sorry connie u brought out the English major/history minor in me ajsbfjgna #cringe but hopefully im still as kissable and fuckable as before to everyone interested #just maybe bring a bar gag and don't talk abt literature at all lmaoooo #or history which considering someone info dumping abt their historical knowledge is a turn on...u see the problem