#even rereading this bit for the purpose of posting it here i was like ?? what the fuck is chiapas

[stationintern]

Hello all!

This month was, truly, a beautiful month for me reading-wise. The birds were chirping, I found smut that made me sweat, and I revisited some old favorites. Let's jump right in. I am so excited to share these with you. (Hence why I am posting this a day early.)

Strap in!

Dwelling On Dreams by @the-sinking-ship for H/D Big Bang 2021, 135k, E

I reread this fic this month, and it was just as delicious as I remembered. There are aspects of this fic that felt burned into my memory, so it came as a shock to me when I realized that the last time I'd read this fic was over a year ago. Everything about it feels so vivid. Harry's magic, his raw sexual energy. Draco's ability to make me scream at my phone and throw a mini temper-tantrum. I love flashbacks, and this fic has them in abundance. If you're looking for a thick read with complex characters and an interesting case to solve, look no further!

Hear Me Out by @rainstormradish for @dronarryfest 2024, 5.2k, E

I am pleased to announce that I have officially bought my ticket and jumped on the Dronarry train. You've all convinced me. This fic, in particular, is what really got the ball rolling. This was... immaculate. When I said I found smut that made me sweat, I MEANT IT. I had to, like, physically reconnect with my limbs after I read this. A bit of fake dating to start you off, and it only gets better from there.

The Way You Say My Name by InnerLilith 5.3k, E

Ya'll ever just bark at your phone? Sometimes, a girl just wants to read about Harry Potter going absolutely bonkers over Draco Malfoy calling him sweet little names. Very hot, very important to me.

Please hold. Your call is very important to us./Bloodlust and Bureaucracy by @goblinmatriarch 5k, T/8.5k E

DOUBLE FEATURE! I love the smell of wizarding bureaucracy in the morning. What a little world you have built! Authors who can create a new little piece of the wizarding world to explore mean the world to me. Very interesting in regards to how the medical system in the wizarding world relates to its real-world counterparts. Also, some biting action. Very smart, very hot.

Crossed Wires by @skeptiquewrites 11k, E

Critics are raving. "Literally ripping up the wallpaper in my home," says one reviewer. "Gnawing at the bars of my enclosure," says another. Bureaucracy lovers win forever and ever. Also, Draco gets to wear many suits. Harry Potter the reluctant politician. I couldn't have wished for more.

Our Objective Remains Unchanged by @citrusses 46k, E

BOATS, REPRESSION, MORE BOATS, EDGING (for sports purposes), EVEN MORE REPRESSION, AND WILL YOU BELIEVE ME IF I SAY THERE'S MORE BOATS. I don't know how you've done it, but you've managed to parallel the epic highs and lows of college rowing with the literal wizarding war. If that isn't talent, I don't know what is babe.

Truth or Dare? by @lettersbyelise 3.4k, E

There is truly nothing more intimate than jerking off your childhood rival while a party goes on around you. THAT, my friends, is the key to post-war, inter-house unity.

Borrowed Time by @the-starryknight for @dronarryfest 2024, 7.6k, E

Oh this was fire. What do you know about body swapping threesomes? Would you like to know more? Yes. Yes, you would.

Alrighty, I think that's all for now, folks. Very thankful to be in a fandom with so so so many talented people. You all blow my mind. Here's to another month of fantastic fiction!

See ya!

XX, Moon

#drarry #draco x harry #drarry fic rec #drarry fic #moons monthly fic recs

[elitadream]

🎆 Sing for Absolution: behind the scenes 🎆

Hello everyone, and welcome to this summary on how the story was visually built! If you happen to come across this post and would like to read (or reread) the collab @drones-of-innocence and I have created together, just click on the title above and it will take you right to it! 🤗

With that said, let's begin! :D

As some of you already know, this was an idea that Drones had for a long time. It was brought up during one of our many conversations a few months ago, in which she briefly described the plot and sent me a condensed version. I- immediately and completely fell in love with the concept, so much so that I couldn't keep still. 😂💘 I practically begged Drones to let me draw a few frames for it, and she happily gave me permission. At first, what I intended to do was make about 3 or 4 thumbnails, like I had done with One Step Closer.

I returned with 22.

And from there, we both decided "Okay. Yeah. Let's make this official. 🙌💯" LOL

What's interesting here is that, as you can see, some frames didn't make it to the final cut! 🤓 And inversely, new frames were eventually added as the collab progressed. Out of all the sketches that were either abandoned or later deemed superfluous, my personal favorite would probably have to be this shot of Kamek. 😈

From the rough thumbnails I had presented, Drones helped me select the best and most eloquent ones, and I also changed a few other things along the way. For example, one panel that was entirely redone was frame 3 (where Mario enters Peach's room), because the initial composition didn't allow for the reader to see the setting very clearly, and I felt that the establishing shot needed to be wider.

Many of the drawings were also ultimately flipped to give the visuals a more coherent direction and better flow, including this one!

I decided pretty early on that the palette should be made of cold hues, seeing as these events happen to take place at night and that a warm overlay wouldn't adequately have conveyed the more ominous and solemn tone of the story in my opinion. 🤔💁‍♀️

Oh! And I almost forgot: using cold colors for the backgrounds and characters was also very convenient because it helped make the magical effects (the fire, the spells, etc- all the bright, warm and/or complementary nuances) really stand out, which resulted in a more interesting and visually striking contrast overall. 😌🎨

As I do with all my illustrations, I started by cleaning the sketches and adding a unifying background filler for all the frames. Then, I selected the colors I wanted to use (a gradient made of a mix of navy blue and purple) and worked on each drawing individually. Even with simple tones, we can observe the sheer difference that shading makes! 👀😉

There's a visual element that appears in the story and which I had borrowed from Drones before, and that would be Peach's healing magic.^^ ✨ I remember I was fascinated by the idea when I first discovered it in Un Fiore Per Te, which had prompted me to ask her if I could feature it in a piece where the Princess is seen using said power while at Mario's bedside in one of my other tangents. 💞

I kept the effect similar on purpose in Sing for Absolution, so that the slight reference would be easier to catch! 😊

And last but not least, there's that cheeky little Fire Flower! 🤭🔥

As mentioned in a previous ask, the flower actually signifies a lot in this case as it somewhat embodies the deeply affectionate bond between Mario and Peach, glowing brighter and closing its eyes in happiness when the two are close. 💖

While admittedly not the first drawing I made in which a Fire Flower appears, the one that actually inspired both Drones and I to include this symbolic power-up in the story was one that I made all the way back in February for Valentine's Day. 🥰 The subtle yet direct reference can be spotted twice in the text, linking this piece to the collab and establishing a bit of a chronology as well. I was very honored that Drones added this small detail, and I very much look forward to working on more ideas with her in the future! 😁🤝

Big thanks once again to all of you dear friends and followers who have commented and given their thoughts on this projects. Drones and I can't thank you guys enough for your interest and enthusiasm!! 😇💗

ALSO ALSO- I have shared here my visual side of the collab's progression, but Drones intends to give her own side of the story's development soon (explaining some of the themes and narrative elements a little more in depth), so make sure to stay tuned and check her blog as well! ^-^ 💫

#Mario #Princess Peach #Mario x Peach #Mareach #concept #story #collab #Sing for Absolution #fanart #fanfic #elitadream #drones-of-innocence #creators on Tumblr

[carpedzem]

hi

under the cut i want to talk a little bit, maybe overshare as well. ill try to keep it short (rereading nat here. i didnt). its a sad post, might make some of you angry but not for the reasons you think

i was staying away on purpose, but a few people asked about me so i wanted to let you know that hey, im lurking, im waiting to see what happens. maybe some things will change in the future but im putting it out here so its all in one place

i think i want to start with saying thank you again for sticking around, supporting my art and my thoughts and having discussions with me. i really opened up about myself and what I created here. im very anxious person and it influences my life on every level, so being heard, seeing people laughing at my jokes, loving my art has been so so important to me

about the situation, the gogcident if you will, i logged out as soon as i saw things going down and been getting updates though different source. and while situation is still on going and i dont know where it will go, as how it ends, theres two or three things im firm on that will always be true for me:

i really hate how believe all victims turns into believe everyone who speaks first, no matter what they say, no matter context, no matter proof. the first statement made in this case was untrue in a lot of important details and while i dont think caitis feeling are wrong or invalid i think her first statement made this situation into something it isnt. i think every victim should be heard but attacking everyone who was accused right away is not a solution

i do believe that everyone who was accused of anything has every right to defend themselves. the way its constantly taken away from dteam is not lost on me and its insane and upsetting

you can be traumatized by the events that werent in its core meant to be traumatizing. sometimes people act shitty and leave scars on you and sometimes you can do the same to other people

edited note bc i want this to be here as well: guilty until proven innocent is a crazy mindset and i cannot imagine situation that i would allow it. some idiots dont even realise how dangerous rhetoric that is. including accusers not being obligated to provide any proof of their claims

twt is the worst thing to deal with any discourse, misunderstanding or any delicate situation. i think no ones there cares for any victims period. i wish that place the worst

okay so what now. i havent decided yet. georges and dreams moves so far confirmed for me that no matter what happened it wasnt with malicious intentions. ill wait to see how this plays out and then ill decide about my next steps. one think i did for sure is i uninstalled twt from my phone (and that already bit my ass the moment dream started his space…) that part of fandom, both people who like (liked?) and hate dream is so damn self-destructive, toxic, manipulative and performative it wasnt worth it anymore. for here, i dont know yet. i dont hate dteam, i think this is very unfortunate and sad and complicated situation that left people very deeply hurt. and i wish it wasnt this way and im pretty sure dteam also wish that. but they cant change it and i cant change it even more

now this is something i dont really know how to tell you but let me try. i never mentioned this bc when i had those realizations, it was too late, everyone moved on and i felt stupid for dwelling on this. i feel stupid now, typing this. the thing is, drituation left me quite traumatized. fucking pathetic, i know. the sudden explosion of fandom left me really badly hurt. i lost a lot of people i genuinely believed to be friends with, and i miss them dearly. i felt, fuck it, still feel deeply betrayed by some of them. i dont want people guess who is who thats not the point, those people moved on long time ago. but that hurt has been really difficult to deal with, especially since realistically i know its quite stupid. crying over some people who were following me back for a few months? but i tried to let myself heal and grow love for this community again and i thought we will be okay. drituation felt like the end of the world but we got through it and I thought we are smarter. and well. im not trying to blame anyone or even a whole community, idk maybe i want to blame the universe for putting me here or society for working this way i dont know. but im hurting and i need to find a better way to deal with things going the wrong way. and it deeply upsets me but im afraid that i have to learn how to love you all less. and i honestly dont know yet what that means, how moving forward will look like. i dont have to make this decision now so i let myself stay away from social media for a while still and then go with presented situation the best i can. i dont try to make anyone responsible for my wellbeing i want to make this clear. im just trying to share my feelings and give you context for whatever happen in the nearest future. no matter what i need more healthy relationship not even with ccs but with community itself (and if you see me rebloging hazbin hotel fanarts. spare me...)

in this place i do want to state that no matter what i dont think dteam are bad people. im not closing myself at possibility of participating in the fandom, probably less though things i mentioned earlier. but if any of those things make you uncomfortable in any way, feel free to unfollow/softblock

im leaving my askbox open if anyone has anything to say, add, or idk, scream at me. not sure if i answer any tho. also if i delete this post in the next 10 minutes out of embarrassment then well, haha

on the final note i want once again thank you all for supporting me when i needed help for my cat. you all did something amazing, something i will never forget and i wish to hug everyone of you in person. thank you

see you around. one day. maybe tomorrow maybe in 10 days. idk

and if you are moving on in different direction, if we ever meet again, dont be a stranger

[caffeinewitchcraft]

This is maybe the weirdest question I could ask but - do you have any advice for a writer who wants to do stuff like answer writing prompts but keeps getting caught up in being too anxious to share them?

This ties in so well to my last answer! I was kicking myself for not saying this:

1)Have an opinion on your writing before you post.

2) Trust that, eventually, the right audience will find you.

3) Post and run if you have to

First, “have an opinion on your writing.” Don’t look online for people to tell you if your writing is good or bad. You don’t know who they are! You don’t know their experience! You don’t know if they really read enough of your work to comment!

A lot of anxiety comes from worrying about what other people will think. That’s totally normal! It’s so normal that it never really goes away. Here’s how I combat it!

Before you post online, write down what you like about your story. I usually write three things. “This character was well done, this dialogue sounds good, I like the theme.”

Then write one thing you wish was better about your story. Don’t fix it! The purpose it to acknowledge that your story, no matter how good, has flaws. Even if you don’t ask for it, people will critique your work. You don’t need to take their critiques, but you need to be okay that they have them.

When someone points out a problem in my story, I look at the flaw I picked out. Sometimes they match and I know what I need to work on next! Other times they don’t and I get to say, “Hm, I don’t know if I agree with this person, but I’m working on [this flaw] next anyway.”

If someone says something negative about your story DO NOT GO AND REREAD YOUR STORY RIGHT AWAY. I can’t repeat this enough! If someone says something not constructive about your work and you go back to look for what they’re talking about you will find it even if it’s not there!

Instead, go back to the three things you like that you wrote down. Ask yourself, “even if this person is right and there is an issue, do these good things outweigh that one bad thing?”

The answer is YES.

Second, “trust that the right audience will find you.”

This one is so hard! But think of it like this - some people only read one genre. They only read scifi and they think historical fiction is pointless. If you write historical fiction they aren’t going to give your work a chance!

Your writing is its own genre. The people who appreciate it will find you eventually.

Doing prompt fills is the perfect way to find them faster! Prompts tell the reader exactly what your story is going to be about and gets them engaged.

Third, “post and run if you have to.”

Sharing your writing is scary! But that fear will hold you back from the even better things you’ll write in the future. It’s preventing you from finding an audience and from meeting like-minded people.

Post the story and then log off. Set a timer for the next day or even the day after that. Refer to your list of good things about your work. Think about why you liked it and why you wrote it.

Take however long you need to remind yourself that you liked it! Then when you’re feeling a bit better, go ahead and check what people might have to say.

Also, not related to the ask, but reblog your work! You wrote a whole story and you should be so, so proud! People will want to see it but can’t find it on their dash. Reblog!

#caffeine answers #long post #writing advice

[prince-kallisto]

Reading: Ceremonial Robe Vignettes ❤️Heartslabyul❤️

I’m finally beginning my little series of “reacting” to many of the vignettes for the first time! Despite knowing about TWST for nearly four years now, I have never read a huge majority of the vignettes. I’ll also be rereading the main story soon, but I thought starting with the Ceremonial Robes vignettes would be fitting, since a majority of them take place before the main story’s prologue. I’ll also be posting about one dorm at a time, because mobile has a limit of photos and I have a lot I want to talk about!

Riddle Rosehearts 🌹

What Is Your Verdict?

KAJXJDJDBXBD I LOVED THIS! Seeing Riddle develop his relationship with Sebek was so fun- and it was also nice to see the normal dorm selection process for the freshmen. How quickly Riddle wanted Sebek to be in charge of the freshman if he ended up in Heartslabyul! I…I feel like Sebek didn’t actually say this in the JP version- I’m not sure, I’m just having a hard time envisioning him saying “yeah baby, woohoo!” 💀 I could be wrong though! I am almost certain that he didn’t directly say “Malleus” though, as the EN translation got rid of a lot of his “waka-sama”s 😔

Silver…you should know why Diasomnia’s reputation suffers on so many levels. But Sebek asking if Riddle is a spy to uncover Diasomnia’s “deepest secrets?!” 👀📸 Do tell what these secrets are, I need to know for lore purposes 🔫 Why is the Diasomnia’s hallway identical to the one in Meleanor’s castle

Seeing Sebek and Silver’s rivalry here was so much fun- I never get over seeing Silver’s angry face! Riddle’s horse is named Vorpal? 😭💖💖💖 That’s a fun way to reference to Alice in Wonderland! It is good to know that there is indeed a canon reference to the Vorpal Sword- as it is the legendary weapon that can slay the Jabberwocky. Swords…jabberwocky…Phantom Grim. Hm. And the way Silver is in the Equestrian Club as well 😭

Trey Clover ☘️

Wait a Moment, Riddle

Trey…he’s so handsome ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ I really love seeing his more subtly manipulative side, and I can’t blame him for all of this- he really has his hands full! The nonsensical Heartslabyul rules makes it a lot worse too. Interesting that Jamil makes a comparison between him and Trey for how they have to take care of their Housewardens in different yet similar ways though!

It’s also interesting how Cater specifies that his Unique Magic, “Split Card,” drains him of energy. He’s a third year, meaning he has a bit more of a handle on his UM by now. But making clones of himself understandably takes a lot out of him. Even more interesting that Crowley can just casually make magical projections of himself, doesn’t it…? We have yet to hear a confirmation or denial that these projections make him similarly fatigued, but considering how powerful he seems to be, I don’t think he has a problem 👀

Cater Diamond ♦️

Wanna Guess?

Cater…it started off really fun, with Cater and Trey guessing which freshmen would be assigned to their dorm. I thought it was so cute how Cater immediately gravitated toward Epel! Cater, that’s not nice of you to imply that just because Epel is as “cute as a button,” that he’d do your dirty dishes for you! 🤣 Although…I’m wonderful if it’s bringing implications of him and his older sisters (´∀｀=) His sisters liked cute things and bringing him along to be like that, right? I wouldn’t be surprised if he treated similarly as well.

Also cute that the freshman are referred to as ducklings instead of the usual fledgling comparison. Since this line in said in Cater’s story, maybe it’s an “Ugly Duckling” reference? Like maybe how Cater feels so out of place not only with his sisters, but all his friends and classmates? Since there’s a theory that Cater is loosely based off Cinderella, I think the “ugly duckling that turned into a swan” reference could be made here? Or maybe I’m overthinking things as usual 🤣 It’s just unusual that they say ducklings instead of fledglings for once. Ducklings trailing after Mama Trey and Cater 🦆

NAJXJXJD is this a normal phrase in Twisted Wonderland??? A deer caught in the carriage lights- (*remembers that Crowley’s name “Dire” is pronounced like “dear” instead of “dire”* Crowley…please be careful when crossing the street at night, don’t get hit by a carriage.*). I also freaked out over Ace’s line about sneaking to Crowley’s office over here.

But then Cater’s vignette felt so sad in the end ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡ All the rush of playing up his cheerfulness, getting everyone’s numbers and posting photos of Magicam…it all faded away. I think his line of being bored, but then saying “JK” was really telling- because he’s by himself in this scene, isn’t he? So even to himself, he can’t admit how he really feels.

Deuce Spade ♠️

It Feels Right

I AM NUMBER ONE HATER FOR THE NPC BOYS IN THIS STORY!!! 💀 But I’m getting ahead of myself- this story really shocked me at first! I was so confused as had to replay the beginning, I thought all the Ceremonial Robes stories would be about the actual opening ceremony. But it seems like the ceremonial robe vignettes will talk about a story that involves the actual *robes* themselves, instead of the opening ceremony. Interesting! Ahhh, I’m so proud of Deuce and Jack doing so well for Track- although I am jealous because I want Crowley to give me an award too 😔

NPC boys, I am not impressed by your attempt of bullying. How shocking- boys who Run Fast win awards for the Run Fast Competition 💀 skill issue

But I adore the hints we get to Deuce’ delinquent past in this vignette! The White Rabbit Fest elaborates a lot more, but this hint says a lot I feel like in how distant he used to be from school activities. I also think it’s a cute detail that Ace stays up to chat with his brother over the phone?! 😭

grovel upon the dirt deuce walks upon, savanaclaw student a and b

Anyway, ahhh it’s so cute that Deuce immediately wanted to send his Track award to his mom!! 😭😭😭 Dila would be so proud of him for sure! I really like how Deuce is really working hard to “make up” for his past in his own way. His effort certainly goes appreciated.╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ His ceremonial robes are nothing to be ashamed of either, I’m glad he showed those NPC boys what’s what!

Ace Trappola ❤️

Such a Snoozefest

I’m really impressive at this display of Ace’s cunning…although I feel bad for Epel getting the brunt of it all in these vignettes! 🤣 Cater automatically wanted him to wash the dishes, Ace thinks he delicate and sickly and will use him as an excuse…poor Epel 🤣

Interesting that the courtyard is the best place to skip classes! Crowley, please keep a better eye on the your courtyard 😭 The jokes that Epel is secretly the true MC in the game ring as true as ever- I never realized that Ace’s Groovy had EPEL underneath his arms like that! 😭😭😭

But really, Ace is really savvy when it comes to not only his acting, but reading other people as well (sometimes). Even though Epel spoke very little to Ace in this vignette, Ace could already tell that he was just like him, in the regard that they “go by the beat of their own drum,” even though he initially mistook Epel as someone delicate.

Also, did anyone else find it strange that when Ace was selected by the Dark Mirror, the fire in the mirror kept flickering? I’ll have to post a video so there’s an understanding on what I’m referring to. I looked at other students being selected to their dorms, and the flickering did not happen. I wonder if it was a strange animation error or something else?

Also also, I couldn’t fit in the screenshot here, but Epel mentioned that around 200 new students were accepted into NRC this years. That’s a lot of coffins and carriages, isn’t it? 🤣 It really must be a solemn and serious event for NRC…Crowley must have a lot of patience to be unlocking over 200 gates

🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛

Even though this was just the first round of vignettes, I feel like I learned a lot already! I’ve watched the Savanaclaw vignettes as well, and am slowly chipping away at writing that post. I think writing down my thoughts will be helpful, as I have poor memory. So hopefully these will be a good way to look back at the parts that caught my interest! Thanks for reading! \(//∇//)\

#twisted wonderland #twst #ace trappola #riddle rosehearts #Trey clover #cater Diamond #deuce spade #twst vignettes #kallistopost

[andreabandrea]

migospel and negative man

this is going to be a bit of a disorganized post, but i was rereading my old "chara did not abuse asriel" post, and I thought of something interesting. none of this is 'new' information or a new theory-- it only supports a point in an essay I wrote years ago. but the ramble will talk about a cool enemy in mother 3, so.

in my original post about Chara, in the section where I made the point that Chara "laughing off" Asgore's poisoning was likely unhappy/nervous laughter as opposed to taking actual joy in his pain, I bring up a theory created by passivechara on tumblr.

the Hard Mode only monster Migospel "loves to laugh" when around other monsters, but becomes sad and talks about hiding their pain when alone. Migospel literally mimes Chara in this way. (the name 'migospel' likely drives from 'mime' and 'gospel', so the 'gospel' part may refer to 'truth'-- aka, Migospel miming the truth about Chara).

if we believe in the narrator Chara theory, then a monster reacting to Chara isn't even unprecedented-- napstablook responds directly to the narrator's comment about their lack of humor.

now, I would need to build this up more in a 'proper' analysis post, but since I'm just rambling on my blog, let's just accept that toby fox was majorly influenced by earthbound and the mother series as a whole. papyrus's starman costume, naming the player, flowey's "cry out into the darkness" line, and more.

bear with me, but I'm going to talk about the mother series and link this back to undertale.

so in mother 3, there's a one-time only enemy you encounter called 'Negative Man'.

negative man is a joke enemy of sorts. he can do a very weak attack, but otherwise, he just says a sad line and wastes his turn. although his stats are miniscule- making him the weakest monster in the game- his HP is enormous, making his fight a bit of a chore.

people sometimes speculate why negative man is in the game. the concept of a drawn-out and irritating battle with no real challenge is definitely a mother series joke, and some people believe he's just there to add another enemy to your checklist of monsters to find and defeat if you want to 100% the game.

I think, though, that there's another purpose to Negative Man. And here we're going to get into Mother 3 spoilers so, uh. if you haven't played a game that's nearly 20 years old, then play it now and come back to this later.

...

okay? moving on.

so anyway, the interesting thing about negative man is that the music that plays when you're fighting him is 'Strong One', the same boss track that's used when you fight the Masked Man. this could just be a joke-- Negative Man is not 'strong' in any way, and the intentional complete lack of rhythm in 'Strong One' makes performing timed attacks to the beat very difficult, dragging the boss battle on more.

however, think about what's happening in the fight. you and your party are beating this creature to death who's crying and miserable, who has no will to fight, who isn't attacking (or can barely hurt you when he tries to attack), and so on. why are you doing it? because you have to. maybe negative man is just in your way, maybe you just want to fight him to 100% the game. regardless, this monster isn't fun to fight. the only reason you would intentionally fight him is because you have to.

you're probably thinking of sans's boss fight, where despite being the "weakest monster in the game" with only 1 attack and 1 defense, he has an extremely difficult and prolonged boss battle. i think that negative man could have potentially influenced toby in this way, too! but this isn't about mr. undertale himself.

now, there's another notable fight in mother 3 like this-- but the roles are reversed.

in the final battle of the game against the Masked Man (with whom the 'Strong One' theme is associated), lucas's party can't be used. lucas has just learned a devastating truth about the Masked Man's identity, and it's rendered him completely unable to fight. Lucas is likely miserable in this scene, and all he can do is pass turns while the Masked Man attacks him relentlessly-- not because he enjoys it, but because- due to his reprogramming- he has to. does that sound familiar?

all this to say-- the Negative Man enemy is a reflective of Lucas, and shows insight into his emotional state. the unwillingness to attack due to a sense of misery and the 'strong one' track associated with the masked man being used support this theory.

it's notable that Negative Man is, again, an enemy you can only encounter once. Negative Man isn't a prominent part of Mother 3.

this is to say-- what does this have to do with Undertale?

if we can accept the theory that the Negative Man, as a random rare enemy, could be a parallel to Lucas and reveal something about his emotional state (his misery in having to fight his own brother, the Masked Man), and if we accept that the Mother series was very influential over Toby Fox-- then it becomes even easier than before to accept the theory that Migospel is reflective of Chara and their emotions.

Migospel is only encountered in the unfinished 'hard mode' of undertale, again-- but Negative Man is only encountered once in mother 3. thus, even though Migospel doesn't have as much 'canonicity' as any other monster in the game, I think that there can be relevance to their inclusion.

this is to say-- as passivechara suggested (checks date) 7 years ago, I really do think that Migospel is more evidence that Chara isn't an evil sadistic monster when you consider the influence that the mother series had on toby.

#bandrea blabbers

[erithel]

I’ve thought to myself that moments in your comics are far too dragged out beyond the point of mere slow burn. I took the time to reread the comic from the beginning to its most recent update and even when reading it all in one go, it feels too drawn out. If many people are feeling the same thing, maybe you should consider altering the pacing just a tad bit more in the future? And this is not me wanting them “to just kiss already” — this is me feeling like the moment is too elongated, almost frustratingly so. Your art is phenomenal (the expressions and poses are on point + you have a lovely, unique style). Your dialogue is chef’s kiss. But there is something to be said about constructive critique and listening to your fandom’s feedback without getting oversensitive about it.

There are two things I would like to address, here.

The first - and probably most interesting to me - is why things might feel drawn out to certain people.

Because things will only feel drawn out if those people are waiting for a specific goal, or a specific moment to happen that they feel should have happened already.

And that's one of the main reasons for my recent post. Because the goal of Gone was never for them to just kiss and have everything be okay. Of course, it's a klance comic so they are going to kiss, but that was never meant to be the big, defining moment, and purpose of the story.

Since you mentioned constructive critique, I am genuinely curious what parts felt dragged out to you, or what you feel could have been cut to "speed the story up." I'm not being snarky, here, this is a genuine question.

And the second thing I would like to address is the actual constructive critique/criticism you mentioned.

There is a time and a place where creators will be open to accepting constructive criticism and that is:

If the creator asks for it

That's it

Now to clarify, I have been in positions in the past where I have been given constructive criticism on my work when I have not asked for it, and sometimes it has been helpful.

However, there is a stark difference between someone offering genuine critique in the hopes of helping the creator improve, vs getting comments demanding the author speed things up/work faster/post more/change the story to fit what someone else wants.

One is constructive, the other is not.

(I am speaking not only for myself, here, but at least one other creator who has been dealing with this for a long time, as well)

In no way do I think my comic (or anything I've ever created) is perfect. And in no way do I believe everyone should simply love it.

But it is my comic.

It is my story. And it is being told the way I want to tell it.

This is a fan comic I am making because I love these characters and I want to explore their potential.

And as someone who has been expected to "just be okay" and "just get over it" during times when all I've needed was a bit of patience and understanding, it has been a very interesting experience for me to see who has that patience, and who feels the characters (trying to heal from both a physical and mental trauma) should "just hug/kiss already" and have everything suddenly be okay.

#asks #erithel's hot takes #gone comic #constructive criticism

[hecatesbroom]

How I organise my (fic) writing in Notion

@this-geek wondered how I organised my works in Notion, and considering I'm nothing if not always happy to ramble about anything concerning lists and sorting my various things, here we are ;) thanks for giving me an excuse to talk about this haha

Under the cut because I have unfortunately rambled quite a bit (sorry!)

Okay so first off: I really only use Notion for my fic writing (I prefer to work on original projects in physical notebooks or Word, for reasons unknown to even me) and I only keep my first drafts in here. I move on to Google Docs for second drafts (again, who knows why I do this? I sure don't!) Anyway, onto the organisation:

This is what my main page looks like! I have some fancy sidebars I never really use, the to do list is horribly outdated, and I haven't updated that quote (from one of my favourite book series: The Locked Tomb) in ages, but I still think it looks nice!

The thing this is mainly about, though, is the part in the middle that says "all fics". This is what Notion calls a database. It's basically one gigantic collection of pages (in my case: fics) that you can add tags to and display in various different ways. I prefer gallery view because it allows me to add a picture to the overview if I want to. I used to do this for my Locked Tomb fics and it looked pretty fun:

The thing is that it's also a lot of work to find pictures to match your fics (and nowadays I'm more focused on writing than all the thing surrounding it) so my Golden Girls overview looks more like this! I still like the gallery view because it gives you a little preview of every wip :)

As you can see, there's lots of different tags under the titles. The stuff you see in this view is a quick overview (mostly to help with sorting, so all my posted wips line up, and the rest shows up according to which state of unfinishedness they're currently in)

When you click any fic in this view, you'll be taken to the actual fic, and its complete overview of tags & info! I like to keep track of a lot of things (when I remember to, anyway). Here's a little overview for the things I tracked for the finish line :)

Created: shows me the date I started the document (and therefore the fic). Very useful! I love this feature a lot

Fandom: is mainly there for organisation purposes! I set my gallery view to toggle per fandom, so it's all sorted into neat little sections thanks to this tag

Characters: pretty self explanatory

Type: I've got several categories here: "one-shot", "multi-chapter", "drabble", "ficlet", and (reserved for one AU in particular) "i honestly don't know anymore"

Status: again, there's quite a few options for this one: "plotting", "writing draft 1", "1st draft", "2nd draft", "finished", "posted", "hiatus" and "abandoned" (which I rarely use)

Quick summary: is where I play around with my ao3 summary whenever I'm bored and don't really feel like writing

Draft 1 wc: I usually just put the final word count for the first draft there, unless I remember to track individual writing sessions (in which case I add those word counts as well, like in the example above, because I love looking back on the process!)

Draft 2 wc: I tend to completely retype a fic into my google docs for the second draft. Once I've done that I put the end result into my Notion doc

Finished wc: after I've reread and edited my 2nd draft, and possibly managed to have it all get a little out of hand (like you can see in that doubled word count for the finish line, lol) I put the finished word count here!

WC goal: is just a fun way to see what my initial idea was for the fic (I try to set a goal when I've got a general idea of what I want the work to look like, and always end up exceeding it)

The rest of it is just my writing, basically! Scroll down from there and you get the body for the fic :)

I hope this was somewhat helpful! I'm not a pro at Notion by any means, but if you have any questions or need some help, feel free to ask! I'm happy to try to help out!

#notion #alys.txt #my writing #how does one tag this lmao #notion tour #is that a thing?? #i think that's a thing

[horizon-verizon]

I'm a bit confused as to why some people say Rhaenyra idealized Visenya? Because she wore the same hairstyle and wanted to name her daughter after Visenya? I think Rhaenyra didn’t even know anything about Visenya’s hairstyle, it’s unlikely that she was told about it in the lessons, it was information for the author of asoiaf portraits.

Rhaenyra had no interest in martial arts (at least she didn’t practice it), she loved music, feasts, beautiful dresses and jewelry, courtship and handsome men, she loved being a mother and even though she married Daemon in the valyrian tradition, she still had some respect before the seven on personal level, otherwise she would not have forced her sons to swear solemn oaths upon a copy of The Seven-Pointed Star. It wasn't made for public, but for her peace of mind that they would be in safe. We know that Mysaria drove Rhaenyra crazy, so we can’t say how she felt about dark magic as a child, but I think she wasn't interesed in it anyway, but Visenya, as some said, dabbled in dark sorceries.

I think that she could associate herself in some way with Visenya, since she was the elder sister and she ruled the seven kingdoms almost on a par with her brother and had no less rights than he did (there is a whole huge theory that she actually ran everything, but it is not in english language), and the order of succession from this point was somewhat messy, but not more than that.

*EDITED POST* (1/5/24)

We know that she wore her hair like Visenya through the So Spake Martin site HERE. That is what anon refers to.

To be honest, when I first read F&B and GRRM's description of Rhaneyra and her love for Visenya, I wondered what she found so inspiring, not because Visenya is incapable of being inspiring to anyone, but because I didn't parse out the appeal.

But once you look at the Dance through a feminist lens AND just reread it, it became very obvious to the point that I felt like slapping myself.

A)

Why wouldn't Rhaenyra know about Visenya's braid? Visenya was literally one of the Queens who implemented a whole new institution that the Westerosi monarchy still has today: the Kingsuard.

She conquered parts of Westeros alongside her brother-husband.

She is the one who flew up the Vale (Rhaenyra's mother Aemma's home region, which Rhaenyra's sigil incorporates into her own war banner [look below]) and got Queen Sharra to surrender the Vale.

All of this is recorded as well as all 3 of the conquerors' appearances, which is the simplest and most trustworthy note one can see in a record because it is a basic observation. We do not really have the beginning of the excuse of appearance until later when Baelor I orders the burning of books at the Citadel, two generations after Rhaenyra.

Visenya saw herself as a protector of the Targ legacy/dynasty/family (as Daemon does) and Rhaenyra admires her for that as well as being a woman aware of and unapologetic about her own abilities and "oppositional" womanhood to the Andal ideal of subservient and demure womanhood. That singular purpose is compelling to Rhaenyra and people in the fandom because it is, as I said, unapologetic but also focused and passionate all at the same time. Visenya, ironically, takes on some traits of Andal knighthood that you and I know Rhaenyra admires: the warrior's devotion proven through the warrior's sword. Again, while being a woman (subversive)! She wasn't incompetent in politics, either, despite what people will say about her & Maegor--yes, Aenys was too weak for their needs!

It's an exciting & self-affirming thing to witness when you live in that sort of society.

Plus, Rhaenys dies young and Visenya, who outlives her AND their brother-husband, just gets to do more. There is more material for a young Rhaenyra to explore and find her inspiration/female role model.

It's not about "Oh, she was good with a sword" and finding superficial traits to relate to. Rhaenyra may have been proud, loved to dress up, and showed her status through clothes to assert her status in the face of those trying to reduce it and as just how aristocrats do, was "hyper femme", but her psychosocial development wasn't as simple as some like to think. And these traits and behaviors are not in themselves indicators of frivolity, stupidity, or inherent femininity & womanhood--the last so much as socially coded femininity and womanhood.

In the pool of people who prefer and admire Visenya over her sister Rhaenys, some of them are people who do not feel comfortable with the idea of using any sort of martial skills or violence. They might say to you that if they had been born in a medieval society, they would not want to pick up a sword and fight in battles or become someone's guardswomen/men even if they were able to. Or become a fencer or something. They'd probably think they'd be more scholars or politicians or spiritual/philosophical thinkers, artists, playwrights, or "reformers" if they went back in time.

But they admire Visenya over Rhaenys because Visenya is all of those things PLUS her self-confidence & blatant claim/use of power with no shame or trepidation that they wish they could access or have allowed for them--as Visenya comes from a lineage and culture that is less violent and restrictive against women than Andal culture. OR Visenys embody that spirit they have in themselves but prefer to direct into nonwarrior/militant pursuits.

Even with Valyrian culture/society not being as egalitarian about gender and sexuality as the Rhoynish culture. BUT she also is blatantly the type of person to fully take advantage of this background and live in her own power. She is the fulfillment of autonomous, competent, and powerful womanhood-subsumed-under-personhood.

B)

1.

You: "[...] she still had some respect before the seven on personal level, otherwise she would not have forced her sons to swear solemn oaths upon a copy of The Seven-Pointed Star. It wasn't made for public, but for her peace of mind that they would be in safe."

Even if Rhaenyra was publicly OR sincerely of the Faith as her father was, there is always going to be contention between faith in the Faith and being a Targ for her. All Alicent and other non-Targ women (noble or otherwise) have had since childhood--as a well of knowledge and guide to self-esteem or awareness--is the Faith and its teachings about gender, marriage, violence, motherhood, sexuality, etc.

Simultaneously, all noblewomen/royal women can exhibit more of an intellectual remove from the Faith's ideologies as absolute, sincere "truths" of reality than common-born women, because as noble women, they are more complicit and active in the machinations or politics that their male relatives and spouses lead. Or they advise them.. Or they themselves lead projects, wars, etc either not long after obtaining power or/and learning from thise male relatives' actions or their private observations. (post by mononijikayu) :

it is within the narrative to say that both in the east and in the west, power derives from the familial structure and that women were the leading figures that maintained these close, familial ties—from marriage, blood ties, and even friendships. these structures of close power proximity in early medieval life tell us that women are trusted with the growth of their family’s influence. mothers and wives advising the men around them are lauded because they speak to determine what’s best for the family. it is why we see women like olga of kiev influence her son in terms of policies that allowed religious freedom and goodwill with other christian nations that surrounded the territory of rus to flourish and develop. this was seen as a means to further what rus is and the standing of her own family within the state they governed.

Either way, these witness with their own eyes that their authorities or other adults (parents, older siblings, cousins, etc., even some maesters) understand, shape, and define the contours of power and identity and learn their methods. They'd definitely learn how those with power, or seeking it, use and twist the Faith's teachings for their own use. Thereby disillusioning, revealing, or making them sense of the Faith's teachings AS inventions instead of absolute truths...to some. Women of this class can see religion as a political tool in itself, just as Cersei and Jaehaerys I do. This doesn't mean that many will not continue to believe in the actual religion, though, as with Alicent or Catelyn or Brienne.

Rhaenyra herself has her sons swear by the book before their envoy missions yes. None of this actually means that she was as devoted to the religion as Alysanne or Alicent. Nor does it mean that she didn't see how the institution subtly and unsubtly has in the past, continues to in the present, and will continue to undermine her & her family's overall right to rule in the future. Because again, its teachings are very anti-female rulership, anti-dragons, and at its cultural-historical core, anti-Targ. It is rather her acknowledging & using the Faith's influence in the psychosocial framework of her society & family to inspire her sons to take their mission seriously and follow her directions. If only to compel them to show how well they take oaths/the Faith seriously to any/all who witnessed this swearing for both her sons, her own, & their entire section of the family's reputation. Kill two birds with one stone.

Visenya takes it upon herself to publicly (no sneaking around or attempt at subtlety over a decade or so, like Alicent, which isn't the superior tactic, it's just circumstance & resources) crown her son over her sibling's grandson and consistently vocalize her disapproval of Aenys' actions regarding the Faith, itself and institution that Rhaenyra would have had experienced supplying the rhetoric and rationale for why she shouldn't rule as a woman. There is a certain release of inner tension or stress just seeing & imagining that an admired past family relative also sees & treats the Faith as a threat specifically to them AS WELL AS to the dynasty. See how they dealt with them, learning from them & their successes or mistakes. It's very personal and intimate, this connecting.

2.

The Faith religion--as opposed to the institution, but eh--and a lot of its teachings cannot be fully eradicated w/o eradicating the sociopolitical system of feudalism as they know it because the Andals came and assimilated into FM culture or conquered swathes of "Westerosi" lands way, way before the conquerors actually set their eyes on Westeros. It is inside the psychological/sociopolitical framework of the "Westerosi" society even when they were separate kingdoms, like the proto-English kingdoms of Mercia, Northumbria, East Anglia, etc. all sharing a specific religion and various Anglo-Saxon practices and ideals, yet simultaneously warring against each other for years.

The Faith institution--meaning its Septons and its hierarchy & cultural authority--has always been the main antagonizer of the Targs and their rival for dominance over Westerosi culture and society. As I said before, Rhaenyra herself grew up expecting to rule and had always felt she deserved to rule and continue her family's legacy.

In order to rule Westeros, the Targs basically decided to capitulate some. Though they had dragons and won the war, to actually rule a conquered place with many grumbling and possibly vengeful people and expect to maintain a dynasty for many generations, one has to have a stabler base while diminishing as much as possible the use of violence. Again, once one has already used violence and warfare to conquer said regions.

Maegor's battles with the Warrior's Sons and Poor Fellows were too direct an attack against the Faith and were seen as him being tyrannical. He flouted political monogamy and didn't even try to use subtler tactics to destabilize the Faith's/High Septon's word and acclimate the Westerosi public to his marriages + suppress the lesser backlash so he could be safer/freer to marry more than once. Jaehaerys I created a sort of compromise with the Faith through his use of several septons and septas to spread the Doctrine of Exceptionalism after Maegor's death and his own troubles with the Faith. AND by affirming male primogeniture both inside his family and in the public event of the GC of 101. Yet NEITHER of these men thought of ways or thought it worth it to try to think of ways to both destabilize the Faith AND incorporate women into their plans or seek to make their female relatives their partners. Trying to make use of the growingly smaller and smaller window of opportunity the conquerors opened for female leadership by working with their female relatives to gain more agency or ceding power to them to diminish the sense of female unfitness to rule. Rather, they even thought to suppress female leadership and personal agency as much as possible for their own claims.

The problem with that was now the Targs had a much smaller pool of possibly capable candidates for rulership and it encouraged resentment, emotional disconnection, misunderstandings of character or perception, & further abuse--which breeds disunity, internal distrust, and infighting.

How can you sit and think of ways to consolidate power for your house (or do it with full confidence and therefore produce more, innovative ideas) if you know or suspect that you will be ignored sidelined, or abused for doing exactly that? Not every girl/woman can continue to fight and resist such an uphill battle, and really that is what misogyny hopes for, and works toward. If most of what you think/feel from childhood (or what you experience) into adulthood is how your father, brother, sons, etc. wronged you--or if you realize even later in life all this and you contend with them as Rhaena and Alysanne did--then how can you really want to fully think about ways to be an untied front that collaborates together for the better of the entire house/family/unit?

We even see how much better it would have been for ALL women and children if Alysanne had just been as able as Visenya and Rhaenys to pass laws (and have them stick): the water in KL, girls being allowed into the Citadel, the abolishment of the right of first night and women's courts. To exclude and abuse nearly half of your population of the house is actually idiotic and unpragmatic. It comes back to bite eventually because no one/group can take constant oppression for very long, even if it takes a couple of generations (slavery rebellions, and not just in the U.S.). Yes, she manages to get Jaehaerys to agree by persistence...but again, is it really entirely her fault that her brother-husband didn't care about her ideas until she had to force him to listen, or have Septon Barth back her up?!

And Daemon and Viserys no doubt loved each other, but Viserys distrusted his own brother by:

not understanding Daemon's aims when he "acted out", seeing them as just rebellious/threatening to his own authority

thinking he had to please and make those outside of the family and mimicking Jaehaerys' policy of conciliation through his parties; displays of wealth and prosperity (that Alysanne and Jaehaerys are actually responsible for); and sticking his fingers into his ears when true conflict erupted between his family members

While he did confirm her position as the heir to the throne multiple times in the boo AND have Rhaenyra listen in on council meetings as she served as his exclusive cupbearer so she could familiarize herself and learn some ways a ruler can address and organize sociopolitical/economic needs, he also refused to:

stop impregnating Alicent. One boy wasn't enough for man to have AND a worry for Rhaenyra, his own chosen heir?! It's giving Rogar Baratheon and Alyssa Baratheon.

keep Otto out of the council

directly address the anger, entitlement, and plotting Alicent, her kids, and her faction had (and I say he knew that she was plotting at some level bc he himself said that Alicent only wanted Aegon to marry Rhaenyra so Aegon could be closer to having the throne)

not marry Rhaenyra off to a gay man instead of vowing to have her children with someone else marry a Velaryon or Velaryon scion

actually, make use of his brother and what he's capable of (that protectiveness he displayed at the GC), and marry him to his daughter to both make Daemon even more devoted to Rhaneyra's cause--bc if you truly think that he would undermine her or yourself, what better way to reduce that than by marrying her to him when you decide she is marriageable--AND working towards reinforcing her authority over his own before you die?! If you/he actually thought Daemons' actions were so rebellious instead of coming from feelings of disrespect?

ETC.

The point is that between brothers/two men we see how a refusal to listen to another in the family can affect a family. How much more when one of the parties is an abused or sidelined woman? And generation after generation who themselves are reading the long history of this fact as Dany has her entire Targ legacy back in Essos?! How does that affect a young Targ girl-older woman, to internalize the whittling of their agency & to not be able to dream bigger for themselves other than select roles of mother-wife-dowager?

C)

You: "We know that Mysaria drove Rhaenyra crazy, so we can’t say how she felt about dark magic as a child, but I think she wasn't interesed in it anyway, but Visenya, as some said, dabbled in dark sorceries."

Mysaria didn't drive Rhaenyra into her entire spiel of "madness"--which was not really "madness" but grief, elitism, and paranoia making her default to extreme self-defense. Rhaenyra had no known or recorded delusions or hallucinations and she was fully aware of her surroundings, she didn't perform absurd displays of cruelty. (If there were hallucinations like with Aerys--plus with how she is a woman and this text seeks to undermine her for it--they definitely would have found evidence of her going through that and emphasized or exaggerated it to make a point.)

Later-Rhaenyra is still not on par with Aerys II, who was actually driven slowly so mad from paranoia that he wanted to use wildfyre to destroy KL, had elaborate executions to mutilate people or drew out their pain and humiliated them before death with and without said substance, wasn't fully aware of how others perceived him and his appearance, was so out of it that he let his nails & hair grow too long, etc.

Mysaria gives her false information and triggers her final paranoid act, directing her already existing paranoia to Nettles & Daemon. But she does not inspire the actual paranoia. That came from the betrayal of Hugh and Ulf, the betrayal of the council people at the green council, her children's violent and painful deaths, the suddenness of her father's death compounded with her need to immediately answer the greens (inability to properly mourn him), the greens' usurpation, etc. One not taking long to follow the others.

And as I said above, actual magic and Rhaenyra's interest or disinterest in it had nothing to do with her admiration for Visenya. There isn't even any indication that Rhaenyra was interested in magic for herself, her accusations of magic against Nettles was purely driven by her desire to claim back some power she thought she lost.

Of course, none of this proves that she was totally against the Faith or was atheist or agnostic. What it indicates, however, is that she was not as devoted to, deferential of, or "respectful" of the religion as you may suspect.

#rhaenyra's characterization #rhaenyra targaryen #asoiaf asks to me #visenya the conqueror #visenya targaryen #fire and blood characters #fire and blood #rhaenyra and visenya the conqueror #westerosi queens #visenya's characterization

[thefallennightmare]

I just wanted to come on here and thank both you and @thescarlettvvitch IMMENSELY. I struggle and have struggled for what feels like my entire life, with depression, anxiety, and the list goes on and on… But, Just Pretend means so much to me. It has been my saving grace for the last few months. It’s my safe place and the amount of times that I have gone back and reread the entire thing from start to it’s current chapter, or have even gone back just to reread my favorite chapters and favorite bits, is more then all 10 fingers and toes combined lol. Music has always been something that I turned too and would submerge myself in to take me away from it all and block out all the overbearing things surrounding my brain. But lately, Just Pretend is now what I reach for when I need a place to escape to drown out the noise. Although, it’s Angel and Noah’s world, in a sense, I feel like it’s also my world too. It’s my safe place and I know that if things are feeling a little too overwhelming, I can always open the tumblr app and can count on Noah & Angel to clear my head for a bit, or for hours on end. I cannot put into words or express my gratitude enough to either of you to measure up to how much Just Pretend has helped me through these last few weeks. I absolutely meant it when I said that both of you could be writing novels that sell out and are hard to keep stocked on the book shelves every week at all the book stores. The way you both are able to write these stories and fully encapsulate all the emotions and every single character, no matter how big or small their role in the story is, is absolutely astonishing. I just wanted to leave this in your inbox because I know you both have posted about how this week has been a bit rough for the both of you. But just know, that your work has saved people and granted them happiness and a sense of purpose when they needed it the most. I will always be here to continue coming back to read Just Pretend and drown myself out in Mochi, Angel, and fruit basket citrus sock smearing Jesse’s world. Thank you again, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. I cannot wait to see what you both have come up with for the next two chapters.💗 Also, sorry this was so long!🫣

Oh wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Anon you have rendered me and @thescarlettvvitch speechless.

First off, I want to say you’re not alone. I also suffer from anxiety and depression. It’s not easy. Some days(like this past week) are really hard. So to hear that Just Pretend helps you through yours makes me fall to my knees. I’m so so glad our story can be a positive outlook on life when the darkness seems to pull you under.

My work saved people? Our silly little story about Noah Sebastian saved people? I’m just at a loss for words because we NEVER thought it would be like this. In the best way possible. You guys say it all the time that Just Pretend is the best Noah fic on here but I still don’t believe it. We just thought it would be something fun to do together. We never imagined it would turn into something so magical and life saving.

I truly believe this is what Noah meant in the Rock Sound interview. Bad Omens has brought together so many different people with different backgrounds and who are going through their own struggles and find peace in the things Bad Omens created and what others create for/ because of Bad Omens.

With all the negativity Bad Omens is getting right now, I would love to show them this. Tell them that this is what their music is doing to/for their fans and the people that support them through and through.

But then again, I truly hope Noah never finds this story 😂

Again anon, thank you so fucking much from the bottom of our hearts. You guys don’t understand how comments like this brighten our day and make this whole writing thing fucking worth it. We absolutely love you all.

Thanks for being here. And enjoy the rest of this wild fucking ride that is my blog.

#tina talks #just pretend noah sebastian #tina and sarah talks #noah sebastian #bad omens #nicholas ruffilo #nick folio #joakim jolly karlsson

[felikatze]

idk if you still have thoughts of library of ruina but i would love to hear about an analysis on the floor realizations (it doesn't have to be all of them, it's up to you on which ones or if you want to do this).

you're gonna have to forgive inaccuracies since these thoughs have been crystalized in stasis in my brain since i first got thru lor and i KEEP meaning to reread the story but i never do because (gestures vaguely at the past four month of me being exclusively obsessed with FE)

i dont have a lot of thoughts on them overall besides "ohh coool" most of the time BUT

i really love tiphereth's.

i think the pick of the magical girls is GENIUS. at first it's easy to brush off as "she's the young kid so she gets the shojo squad" but it actually ties into the magical girl lore extremely well.

tiph's topic of discussion is "the meaning of life," centered on how tiph struggled to go on after enoch's death and, after her core supression in lobcorp, letting tiph B die forever. The constant replacement of Tiph B and his subsequent shutdowns really just hammered home Tiph A's inability to let go. But now that she has, now that she's made that step forward, what then?

And this is EXACTLY what the magical girls are all about. the premise of the magical girls is that they did it. they defeated the great evil. the world is saved. but now their fighting has no use anymore. all of them struggle to fill the void left behind by their battle. Queen of Hatred enacts evil so she can "defeat" it, Knight of Despair, well, despairs over everything she could not save, and King of Greed gave herself to her earthly desires. It's all maladaptive self-destruction.

Servant of Wrath in particular is an interesting parallel, since they had a mini arc centered on them in Wonderlab. They were separated from a friend, and try to fill that connection by any means; particularly, befriending an Agent. This, of course, ends in that Agent's death, and Servant of Wrath's friend abandons them. Since LoR directly posits the parallel, it's easy to see Tiph replacing Enoch over and over again in this. Particularly because Servant of Wrath had friends before the newest one. Three guesses what happened.

And then, of course, there's how all this parallels to Roland. Roland's backstory is presented in reverse through the middle tier of the library, starting here: Roland, who has lost everything. His wife, his unborn child, his home, his purpose. We are shown Roland in depression, alone in his apartment, adorned by an unused mobile.

I made a joke post once about one of Roland and Tiph's first interactions. Tiph offhandedly mentions Enoch, to which Roland teases her by asking if he's her boyfriend. She says he's dead. Roland, the dead wife haver, instantly regrets this.

And like. That's the thing!! These two suckers both lost people they care about. Tiph was similar to Roland in that she just floundered after the lab crew bit it. She lashed out at others, mainly Tiph B and the Upper Sephirah, out of her own powerlessness.

But now!! Look at her!! She has expectations for the future that stem from her past experiences. She's not living for Enoch. She can't. He's gone. But she can finally understand what he wanted from life: to make it better. And that's something anyone can work toward. Everybody has expectations for the future, and sometimes, often even, those expectations will be shattered. Whether your goal is failed or you succeed, you need to find the next thing on the horizon.

But... if you can't, then that's okay. If you don't expect anything from life, or can't bring yourself to, it's still good enough. Because "the meaning of life" and "the value of life" are different. Tiph decided her meaning of life is a better tomorrow, and Roland decided his meaning of life is that it has none at all, but both their lives are equally valuable, just by being.

The magical girls still tried to fulfill an expectation that was already completed. That's a fool's errand, though, and that's what destroyed them.

I just. I just think Tiph's realization is very nice, is all. The way the three-way parallels between Tiph, Roland, and the Magical Girls play off is intensely satisfying to me. Interpreting each of them through the lens of the other is really cool to do, and brings up new sides to all of them.

#Feli gets asked #library of ruina #long post #i'm not checking for typos. see ya. #love unloading these. i love saying the same things over and over and over. that's love babey

[esta-elavaris]

Nobody Knows

Okay, starting things off with something I wrote back in 2015 for my first creative writing class at uni. It's a short horror story, the assignment was literally just "write a short story with roughly 1.5k words" bc they were great with giving us serious freedom to write what we wanted to write, and this was what I came up with. I think it was the first 'serious' original short story I wrote, I was 18/19 at the time (so, disclaimer on that score if you're going to compare it to the stuff I'm posting now at almost-27 lolol), so the quality will probably reflect that, but it has sentimental value and a bit of other meaning to me, so I'm posting it as is. Definitely a "look at what I dredged up from the archives" kinda thing rather than a "wow isn't this great?" kinda thing.

I remember I went into that first semester, looked at the people in the class around me and just thought "oh god, I am so fucking out of my league here" -- but then, three months later, my course leader (who ended up being my personal tutor in the years that followed, and my favourite teacher across my whole degree) really enjoyed it and his very kind feedback resulted in the moment where I stopped and thought "man, maybe I actually have something going with my writing". It also ended up in my uni's Eng Lit magazine, which I still have a copy of for archival purposes ✨

Plus, if I reread it too closely to edit it to the quality I like to think I can produce now, I will end up convincing myself not to post it 💀 so here! Have some baby!writer stuff.

By the time I reached nineteen, I was scared of Nobody. That was what I called him - Nobody. My own private little joke.

“Who are you talking to?”

“Nobody.”

“Who are you staring at?”

“Nobody.”

Not a lie, but not a response that would get me thrown into the nearest mental hospital. I considered that a win/win. It also described him accurately – for he didn’t seem to have a body. All I ever saw of him was shadow. Sometimes it would be clearer, forming a silhouette, and other times he’d just be an ever-shifting mass of darkness. I’d been too young to be frightened by his appearance when I first found him in my grandmother’s attic. I’d thought my cousin’s tales of hauntings in the house had always just been made up to scare me, but regardless, Nobody didn’t scare me – not at first.

By the time he did, I’d known him for a decade, and had only resented him for two of those years. The resentment began at my seventeenth birthday party. Before then, having a negative thought about Nobody was utter blasphemy in my book. I would never allow a bad word to be said about my guardian, protector, teacher and presumed imaginary friend. Not one. My mother would suggest that I was too old for this behaviour, and that it was time for Nobody to go away, only for me to go ballistic. I learned to keep him to myself after that, but my good opinion only strengthened, if anything. What could be bad about somebody, living or not, who was so willing to protect me? Who toppled over the chairs my bullies sat in? Who snuck me the answers I needed in tests? It was absurd, but I kept my mouth shut, and as far as everybody else was concerned, my imaginary friend vanished. It meant little to me – it wasn’t like any of them could see him in the first place.

Then things changed. What was meant to be the best night of my life turned out to be the worst. No parents, no neighbours, no rules. Just lots of booze, music and fun. Or so I thought. The first hint that something was awry was when all of the alcohol became mysteriously unavailable to us. Packs of beer would end up in locked cabinets, with the keys nowhere to be found. Bottles of vodka would fling themselves towards the sink and smash there, any potential source of amusement quite literally down the drain.

Then came the issue of the music. My best friend spent the entire evening wrestling with the CD player, wondering why it would refuse to play certain songs (the ones I knew Nobody hated), or why the volume refused to go any higher than, a pretty pathetic, “six”. The final straw was when every guy at the party suddenly became dramatically ill. Every single one. Headaches, vomiting fits, fevers, or even just a sense of pure unease. They needed little motivation to leave such a pathetic party in the first place. Within an hour, the only guests left were my two best friends. My seventeenth birthday bash had been demoted to a sleepover worthy of a ten year old.

After that, Nobody became less of a trusted ally and more of a domineering parent. Where I used to look at my hungover friends with a smug smirk, happy that Nobody had prevented me from drinking enough to end up in that state, I now looked at them with envy. They were normal. They drank too much and endured the consequences. When they were too lazy to study for tests, they failed. Life was difficult and it was unfair and they complained about it relentlessly. But that was what made it fun. They had to think about their next move, take responsibility for themselves. If they forgot their keys, they’d be locked out – they didn’t have any ghost to open the door for them. Without the dark you find yourself unable to appreciate the light, and so life became unbearably boring. I knew that whatever was approaching me in life, it would be fine. Nobody would handle it, whether I wanted him to or not. I hated it, and I hated him for it. My life was no longer mine to control, but instead belonged to somebody who was dead. How twisted was that? Each day was monotonous, and I found myself learning little - if that - from the limited life experience I had. I made no attempt to have an eighteenth birthday party.

Spurred on by thoughts of my failed seventeenth birthday party, and non-existent eighteenth, I made my decision. On the night of my nineteenth I took a lighter to the living room curtains, setting the place on fire. In the grand scheme of things it seemed like a perfectly safe and reasonable thing to do in the name of distraction. By time the blaze was out and smoke stopped billowing out of the window, I was already down the street, peering out at my home from behind a wheelie bin to make sure that I wouldn’t be returning to the charred skeleton of the house at the end of the night.  What I did return to, however, was a foreboding mass of shadow that I was too scared to tear my eyes away from. His presence had gone from endearing to terrifying in seconds flat.

My bedroom was trashed. Books were scattered on the floor, my clothes were strewn around any and every surface available. Even the door had a long, jagged splinter running up through the middle. Nobody made no move, no attempt at communication. Instead he stood stock-still in the corner, shadows bristling.

I didn’t sleep at all that night, instead sitting up in bed, staring at the void that was once my dearest companion with a sense of dread filling my chest. Hours later, when my drunkenness gave way to a fierce headache, all of the painkillers in the house had mysteriously vanished. I’d hoped it would end there, the same way arguments with my parents went. I’d lie, they’d be angry, eventually we’d all forget about it and move on. Nobody wasn’t the type to move on.

That’s where the decision to get rid of him came from. I couldn’t handle it. The constant hounding of my steps, the uncomfortable atmosphere, the lack of sleep. Sure, without him my life would be mundane and ordinary, but what was I with him? An adult with no decisive powers and an enforced bedtime.

When the day came, I kept up the façade marvellously. Nothing was out of the ordinary, and as far as he knew I was simply visiting a new friend at her apartment. Nobody didn’t show any sign of realising something was up until it was too late.

“That’s it?” I asked the ‘mystic’ dubiously as she finished burning incense and tracing odd symbols on my arms with the ash.

“That’s it,” she waved a hand “You may leave. He cannot follow.”

Nobody’s head shot up in clear alarm. His silhouette jerked towards me, but didn’t move. Couldn’t move. His head snapped between the old woman and I, almost like he was watching a tennis match, before it settled on me again and he unsuccessfully tried to move. The shadows around him spiked outwards.

“Oh, hush! You have no power here!” the old woman snapped impatiently.

I paid her as promised, but kept my gaze on Nobody. It was a weird feeling. Like seeing a caged tiger at a zoo. So much power, but no ability to use it. He’d gone from running my life, to being unable to take even a single step in my direction, all thanks to a bit of ash and some fancy words. For half a second, I faltered. I wanted to apologise to him. Pleasant memories surfaced – my toys putting on shows for me as a child, dancing on invisible strings, or even not having to pay to use the tube, as the ticket gates opened on their own upon my approach. But then the shadows spiked angrily again, and the regret was replaced by the more familiar fear.

When I walked out of that apartment, for the first time in ten years I was truly alone. I was truly free. Free to make my own decisions and live outside of Nobody’s grasp. It was then that life decided to catch up on all the years’ worth of lessons it had been unable to teach me until then. My freedom lasted four minutes. If I’d had Nobody with me, he’d have noticed the car that I failed to until it was too late, so used to not even having to look before I crossed the road. The last thing I saw was his dark silhouette, standing motionless in the window overlooking the street.

#esta's OG!fiction

[inevitably-ineffable-husbands]

Hi Steph, lots of love from Germany! 🩵💙🧡 In your reply to the switch theory you wrote that you think switching will come up later in s3 (instead of having happened at the end of s2. and I totally agree with that, the seasons theme was love, pining and miscommunication, that had to culminate in something 😂)

But yeah, my theory is that Aziraphale and Crowley will join/celestial-marry/ "merge/fuse"(??) in some way and become very powerful that way. (Although if they fuse probably not permanently) Because

a) they're crazy strong together

b)when discorporated in s1e5 Aziraphale says sth like "I wish I could inhabit your body, but we'd probably burst into flames" and I don't think that was a set-up for the switch in s1e6, because I think they didnt actually swap bodies just made theyre own body look like the other (I think?) Azzi's physical body couldn't withstand hellfire, right? So that's not happened yet.

c) didn't you write they started out as one character in the book writing process? And in an interview for s2 David Tennant said that usually Michael Sheen and him would compete for the same part and now they're playing the same character split into two.

...Thanks for coming to my ted talk. 😂 What do you think? Wishing you a very lovely evening! I really love reading your blog! It's so... cosy on here. AZ Fell's Bookshop vibes 💛🩵💙🧡

(Referencing this post)

Hey Lovely!

Firstly I'm SO happy you enjoy my blog! :) That's high praise to be compared to Azzie's Bookshop, oh GOSHLES!! Thank you so much!! I'm having a blast being in this fandom, feels like the heyday of BBC Sherlock, hahahh. I'm hoping this blog turns into another "light" success and people just come here to feel "at home" you know? LOL.

Secondly, yeah, having another think on the Switch Theory, now that it's been a couple months and more of my own theories have formed about S2, I lean more on the "not a fan" side of it. For me it's the erasure of the emotional impact and the IMPORTANCE of their miscommunication that The Final Fifteen gave us, and honestly, there's too many loose threads that just... can't work with that theory. After sitting on it for some time, the big one for me is that Crowley-in-the-car-getting-upset-at-the-music at the end makes NO SENSE if it was A-As-C; No one would be watching him, why continue the act? And Aziraphale's gentle touch-and-cry reaction to the kiss makes NO SENSE if it was C-As-A. I dunno. I can totally see why people support the Theory, but it's not for me. I'm a creature of "I need things to make sense" and too much DOESN'T make sense with it, is all.

And you're right, S2's theme WAS about showing us the development of their relationship, how important they are together, so that the end of E6 would DEVASTATE US, having us wanting more than ever for them to get back together. It was meant to show how truly made for each other they are, just they're two idiots sharing a single braincell and that braincell is emotionally dumb lol.

That all said, I have a similar thought as yours that I've been hemming-and-hawing about for a couple weeks after rereading my own theories to possibly clean them up a bit. While I DON'T think they will "merge" into one being, I DO think that they will combine their powers together in the penultimate episode to "win" (I say penultimate because I have hopes that the final ep will be them moving in together, but I know realistically, a climax can't happen an hour before the end in a story LOL).

BUT I also like your theory as well, because story-wise, the hints have ALREADY been dropped for it since S1, as you mentioned in your points A and B. There was no need for a switch, and I DON'T think it will happen again. BUT the purpose of the switch was to show that Crowley and Azzie's powers are COMPATIBLE. THAT is what's important here, and it sets up their Together Miracle in S2. And if we're going on the idea that in S3 they'll finally be in-sync and that they only get MORE powerful the more comfortable and "on-the-same-page" they get, well, yeah, I think Heaven and Hell will be wise to leave them be.

As for your point C, yes I did mention that, I BELIEVE in my BIG roundup meta for S4, but it might also be in my 'Crowley’s Past: Was Crowley Archangel Camael?' meta, since I recall doing a LOT of research for that, including trawling through Neil's blog for quotes. But yes, I actually recently saw the gifset with that interview, I think it's in my queue LOL. Neil did confirm ages ago, way back in S1 that early drafts of the book did have them as one character, which is why I think it's MORE likely that their powers are going to be combined instead.

Either way, I think the ONLY theory I absolutely am 100% against is the "they're going to become human" one, because I hate that the condition to their love must be "to love like a human they must be human" and that's just... UGH not on for me. I remain hopeful that that's not the route that their gonna go, since Gabe and Beez didn't become human, and it was a CLEAR mirror for the AziraCrow relationship (a foreshadowing of sorts).

And because I'm thinking of it right now and don't want to forget to write it somewhere, another thing that CONSTANTLY brought up is Alpha Centauri; I hope that they honeymoon there at the end of S3, it'll be a nice payoff for its constant referencing, LOL. And they can't do that if they're human LOL. I want them to spend the next 6000 years and beyond together <3

Thank you again so much for your ask!! Sorry I took a bit to reply, just got home from a road trip and I finally had a bit of free time to reply <3

#steph replies #good omens #good omens s2 #aziraphale and crowley's relationship arc #spoilers #switch theory #my meta #my theories #good omens meta #go meta #my thoughts

[apompkwrites]

(the one who sent about ashengrotto!(name) having an eel merperson as a righthand man)

YES. ashengrotto!(name) having an electric eel merperson as their right hand man. it is now required to have an eel merperson as your bodyguard in the ashengrotto bloodline /j

ill be calling the electric eel merperson as "electric" just to shorten the amount I have to type LOL

if ashengrotto!(name) and electric met very early on as kids, electric would totally stun everyone who tries to bully ashengrotto!(name). even if it were bigger fish, electric eels are top predators after all.

did you know that apparently, the highest voltage an electric eel has released is about 860v, and 1 amp? that's enough to kill a human being 😭 everyone just stays away from ashengrotto!(name) and electric unless they want a visit to the merhospital, except for a few who are close to them (like the leech twins and azul)

it would be funny for people feeling intimidated by the leech twins, when the actual person they should be scared of is electric (who just seems so outgoing while looking tall and stronk)

kingscholar!(name) and al-asim!(name)

al-asim!(name) and kingscholar!(name) 🤝 their efforts being overlooked by others.

I reread the black sheep post and the idea just popped up into my head. al-asim!(name)'s efforts were always overshadowed by their SIBLINGS. kingscholar!(name)'s efforts were also overshadowed by their SIBLINGS. so why not pair the two??

i feel like al-asim!(name) would be more like jamil rather than kalim considering the way they were raised. it would be surprising for the other students- like there's kalim who's so outgoing and overall sunshine, then there's al-asim!(name) who's just awkwardly standing next to their brother, a strained smile to save some face.

kingscholar!(name) and al-asim!(name) would maybe meet if they were paired together in a school project. the goals in their mind was just to get it over with already, until they unexpectedly click and get along from their similarities!

at first, it would be a bit awkward, kingscholar!(name) obviously seeing through the half assed facade of al-asim!(name), until some event happens- and maybe they aren't so different after all.

they have emotional deep talks in the most random moments ever, and somehow, the peace they bring each other just helps heal in some way.

shroud!(name)

LMAO I am not prepared for shroud!(name). having to deal with the daily stuff of being compared to ortho??? I haven't done book 6 yet, so I might be a bit lost in here

shroud!(name) would probably do whatever it takes to stay away from idia, so just imagine when they end up in the same dorm??? bro would either be a menace to idia, or just disappear from their life.

if they ever become a menace, they'd purposely put him in social situations, knowing what to do because they did grow up with idia, observing him all these years.

it could either just be pure hatred, or just "I don't want anything to do with you anymore"

the other siblings would totally do anything to get them out (it would be easy anyways), schoenheit!(name) just drags them out professionally with that hint of ✨sass✨ under the disguise of some random fashion thing or they wouldn't even hide it at all

rosehearts!(name) drags shroud!(name) away underneath the disguise of an invite to an unbirthday celebration, when in reality there isn't even any celebration! (due to the amount of rules, rosehearts!(name) could just make up some rule and they'd believe it.)

ashengrotto!(name),, ohoho... what did you expect from someone who's related with azul?? they drag shroud!(name) out with kind words and carefully crafted excuses, but you just know there's an underlying threat.

kingscholar!(name) and draconia!(name),, they aren't fancy or anything, they just, kidnap them with their consent LMAO. they frankly don't care about dealing with idia, they could just pull some strings behind the scenes and that would make him shut up.

al-asim!(name) is the same as the one above. they just kidnap shroud!(name), except with a bit of ✨fancy✨, with the famous magic carpet.

idia after dealing with their bs for a week just doesn't want anything to do with them anymore. he just lets them take shroud!(name) whenever they want.

[og ask]

the eel trio would be a night mare for everyone to deal with /lh. even the ashengrotto siblings can't control them when they're all together.

electric would have definitely tried to shock the twins (more than once).

for kingscholar!(name) and al-asim!(name), i feel like they would get along surprisingly well? trauma bonding <33

i feel like they'd have those deep talks very rarely but possibly after big events? like if they had some competition and they didn't do too well/were barely even noticed in the competition. it just sort of brings back memories for them so they need a way to vent ;-;

no one is prepared for shroud!(name) >:)) but yes!!! the black sheep crew would definitely force them outside whenever they can!

there are definitely the kids who would find some clever way to bring them outside (rosehearts & ashengrotto) while others just straight up snatch them from their window (kingscholar & draconia). i feel like the shroud siblings would hear the commotion and just be like "have them home before dark!" or something like that :))

#a pompk answers #black sheep

[shyvioletcat]

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

2: For my own sanity I try to keep for plot purposes only, but if someone reblogs something I haven’t seen in a while I usually read over it. Then just about die at all the writing errors.

19: I think you’ll easily be able to guess this one:

Rowan tried to keep his hand steady even as the little girl in front of him was determined not to stay still. Ivy had begged him to do face painting at her party, and of course he was going to say yes. He had spent the last month practicing on paper, his daughter and even his friends when they let him. Rowan had been good to start with, and now he was considering making it a weekend job. Not really, being a deputy principal during the week and being a full time dad was more than enough work for him. But at least it was therapeutic.

“Hold still for just one more second,” Rowan told the brown haired girl sitting in front of him. She huffed, but listened, the lure of a unicorn horn and ears overriding the need to see what was going on. Adding a few last details on the horn to really give it some sparkle and then he was done. “There.”

Rowan didn’t need to say more than that and the girl was off. He wiped his hands on an old tea towel and was about to refill some of the snack bowls when his mother approached him looking like she was holding in a secret.

She sidled up close, beckoning him a little closer so Rowan had to lean in then whispered. “Your mermaid is here.”

29: Okay, so I’ve mentioned this scene before but here it is in real life. This is how the big pivotal blow up in It Takes Two was meant to go down:

“You’re scared of the way I make you feel because you don’t want to feel anything at all”

Aelin spat the words at Rowan, each once laced with disappointment and anger. She had thought… she had thought that maybe they were something more. But it seemed Rowan would rather continue his bleak existence than be with her.

Rowan’s back was tight as he gripped the back of the armchair, tense like he was holding back from something.

“Just admit it Rowan. Admit it so we can finally be honest with each other.”

Rowan turned, the look on his face had Aelin rooted to the spot. She couldn’t read it but the intensity of it kept her gaze locked with his. Then he was in front of her and before she could ask him what he was doing or hurl another insult at him his lips were on hers, both his hands cradling her face. Aelin stood there frozen in shock for half a moment before her hand wrapped around his neck kissing him back. When she felt his tongue run along her bottom lip she gasped. Rowan took the opportunity to slip his tongue against hers and Aelin was ready to combust.

This was the first time they had kissed since that fateful night and it reminded Aelin just why she had been so willing to tumble into his bed even though she had hated him in that moment. Kissing Rowan was unlike anything she had ever felt before.

Rowan’s lips became gentle, the kiss changing from that urgent burning intensity to something soft and gentle. When he finally pulled away there was still that unreadable expression on his face but Aelin could at least now read the sadness in his eyes.

“Rowan…” Aelin’s voice was hoarse, evidence of how thoroughly he had wrecked her.

He spoke, his voice hollow. “It wasn’t supposed to be you.” Rowan stepped back from her, his face was so hard when he looked at her again, cold and hard and unyielding. Then he said the words again, “It wasn’t supposed to be you.”

Then he was out the door, leaving Aelin standing there spiralling and falling, to where she didn’t know.

Thanks for asking 💜

[thricedead]

Hi Clari! Do you still have your slow damage essay/post? I've been meaning to reread it because I really loved your analysis of the subject

Yesss!!! Here it is under the cut, I edited it a little bit!

Slow Damage is a story about the cyclic nature of abuse and its consequences. Abuse sticks its claws into you and rakes down, leaving behind four ditches - orderly in some cases, and more chaotic in others. Either way, even as the skin and flesh heal, there is now a generous amount of empty space in you, and Slow Damage poses a question - what will you fill it up with?

I went into this VN knowing only that Towa enjoys rather extreme forms of self-harm, and I have to admit that this was precisely what captivated my attention at first - the promise of a severely damaged protagonist, and the hope that he is more than a run-of-the-mill masochist. I was not disappointed.

The extent to which Towa relates injury to sex and pain to pleasure immediately made me suspect the sort of trauma he must have endured in the past. For a moment, I thought: Isn't the solution to this mystery a little too obvious? Looking back at the lack of subtlety, though, I don't think that Towa being a CSA victim was supposed to be some kind of a grand reveal. The point wasn't in cracking the mystery, in understanding motivations and getting concrete answers - the point was observing one case of the consequences of abuse that will tell us - no, ASK us - something about all of them. How does the thing that happened to Towa keep happening over and over, and in silence too? What mechanisms allow it to happen, and to stay hidden? What all sorts of people, some of them generally good and kind, participate in these mechanisms?

Let us retrace our steps.

Maya forced her own son into violent prostitution from a very young age, all the while teaching him how to use charms to his advantage, how to manipulate people and fulfill their desires in order to gain control over them. The way she taught those things methodically seems to insinuate that this was something she herself had been taught at a young age and passed on; the art of assuming the exact persona you need to prod into people's insides. This isn't to say that her actions classify as excusable - in fact, isn't the fact that she's putting her child through the horrors she experienced herself even more disgusting? I wonder if her lessons in human psychology were all for the self-obsessed purpose of turning her son into a copy of herself... or was she, in a twisted way, thinking it would help him endure and rise the way that she had? I am going to let that question hang in the air - after all, the point of Surodame isn't to review individual motivations, but to ask questions about the grander scheme of things. That is precisely why I cried together with Towa upon reading the strangely frail account of Maya's diary: I just can't make [parenthood] work... realizing that the slow-growing disease had spread beyond that mother-son duo, beyond the walls of Euphoria, beyond Shinkoumi... in every corner of the world, there are hundreds of Mayas and Towas, and millions upon millions of Silent Takus wondering what they could have done differently.

For starters, I want to focus on Towa himself. When I think about him, the first phrase that comes to mind is 'a void filled with the dregs of abuse'. Though he himself doesn't remember his abuse throughout the first three routes, his every move is a reflection of it: every sexual encounter both a self-inflicted wound and an attempt to affirm: IT'S ME WHO CHOSE TO DO THIS TO MYSELF, which is why Towa's breakdown upon realizing that not even his scars belong to himself was especially painful. I like the choice of stating that Maya did not like nor understand art. She couldn’t bring herself to understand it. Though the penchant for uncovering people's dark desires and the ability to read them were all influenced by Maya, the instinct to paint those is Towa's. The art that almost died together with him was the one thing that belonged to him alone - and yet, there is comfort in the fact that the true route ends with him saying that he doesn't know whether he'll paint anymore or not. What matters is that he quit performing euphoric episodes, closed the cycle of abuse and perpetuating Maya's ideals. The sight of the atelier in the main menu all clean and bright upon Towa's vision returning to normal made me strangely emotional; the reveal that the chosen painting was never dark and muddy, that the atelier was never all that dark and scary... the final tour around Shinkoumi with everyone telling Towa that he looks like something good had happened to him... at the end of a very painful road, Towa still found some comfort in existing.

But what of Fujieda? Of Madarame, of Rei, Taku? For a BLVN, isn't it strange to go 6 paragraphs deep without mentioning any of the love interests?

I will preface this by saying that, to me, the very point of Surodame lies in the fact that none of them are ultimately good boyfriends to Towa. I really wanted to interpret the actions of the three sans Madarame more charitably than I do now, but in reasoning with myself, I failed at every single attempt. They are, to varying degrees and each in their own way, a dead end.

Let's go route by route.

Murase Takuma is a kind man in a way Towa is not - this is driven into our heads from the start. He is a doctor. He cares for children, workers and the elderly. He even lends an ear to them outside of his responsibilities as their physician, overworking himself to the brink of death. His role as the caretaker of a hopeless, bleak person like Towa, an addict who is destructive towards both himself and others, can certainly be perceived as saintly. Even his actions of keeping Towa's past from him, burning letters and throwing away packages, were all for the sake of preserving Towa's sanity! However, though Taku's intentions are pure, I can't read them as benign. Well - he is probably the most benign of the four men Towa involves himself with, being the only one who never physically lashed out at him. Neither abuser nor victim, Taku is a third thing entirely - an observer. A hider, a savior, a carer... and at his core, though not intentionally, an enabler. I do agree that there was nothing Taku could have done to save Towa as a child. There just wasn't a way to take Towa away from Euphoria while Maya lived. I do believe that he did the best he could, patching Towa up time after time... staying throughout the years, changing the bedding, throwing out the liquor bottles. Eat something, Towa. Smoke less, Towa. Once Towa got a lot older, Taku grew to love him romantically. Though I find it unsavory, Towa is over twenty-five at this point so it's not really some big deal. The much more dreadful power imbalance than that in age is the fact that Taku is holding the entirety of Towa's past, his abuse, and his identity over his head. Once again, I'm not calling Taku out as a gaslighter here - not in this route, at least, since Towa had no interest in his true identity at this point anyway. But you can't deny that their happy ending - embracing under the cherry blossoms with a calmer, more mature looking Towa, his hair a clean black, an orderly cardigan billowing behind him - is a sort of a quiet misery. Taku loves the man he saved (raised?), the man who presumably quit painful sex for his sake… but Towa doesn't even know what it is that he's being saved from. Towa is a hole. I really might not have interpreted this ending so negatively if it wasn't for the scene of Taku showing Towa a photograph of him as a little child in a restaurant with his mother. This smiling child prostitute in an orderly little boys' getup, dining with his pimp mother and his future lover. It felt to me like a means of truly driving into our brains the extent of Taku's helplessness, delusion, failure, and LIES. The photograph is a fabricated reality, a fabricated happy past that he feeds to Towa. In this route, this is what Towa filled the ditch with - a daydream, and sweet gentle sex that doesn't scratch his itch. I can't give them more than five years before Towa falls back into his old habits. The end.

Now we get to Rei. Rei is also a sort of a carer to Towa, though a more casual one and closer to him in age. Let us review Rei's situation with gender - due to his toxic, abusive father (who was also a child sex trafficker, might I add!) degrading him for his homosexuality and saying it made him less of a man, Rei developed an aversion to masculinity, speaking in onee-kotoba and growing out his hair and such. At some point he attempted to cut off his own penis in Towa's presence, but ended up hesitating and not going through. All in all, he decided to drop all things associated with traditional masculinity other than street fighting, which he uses to vent out his frustration. This is the key word here – FRUSTRATION, which all of Rei’s pretenses fail to rid him of. Rei's frustration grows to hundred percent when he is forced to enter to-the-death matches to get his deadbeat father out of debt. Killing opponent after opponent, Rei grows more frustrated and less and less like his friendly effeminate self. I think the key solution to the question of 'how is the writing of rei's gender handled?' Is the fact that Rei rediscovered his masculinity through violence. And Slow Damage is not a game that... likes violence, encourages it, or overall relates it to anything remotely positive. I don't think that Rei reconnected to his masculinity in a healthy way, and I don't think it's meant to be read as a cool arc about finding the lost self. Most of all, it's not his or Towa's happy ending. Speaking of Towa... the thing is that Rei only realized a sexual attraction to Towa once the amount of violence in his life amplified to the max. As his level of 'manliness' grew. Their sex scene is very frank about this - after he and Towa beat each other into bloody pulp, he says something along the lines of 'I'm a man and I want to fuck you.' I think it drives the point further that he was the only virginal love interest to that point - when he perceived himself as a woman, he had no violent sexual appetites, or at least didn't see a way towards realizing them. Once he 'reverted' into a man though, he could fuck Towa. He could claim his prize - who has no objections, given that it feeds perfectly into his own penchant that I described at the start. And their ending, showing us a casually manly Rei biking with Towa? We have no proof that he's in any way abusive, nor that they're unhappy, but... this 'new gender' of his, he built it up with bricks made of blood, some of it Towa's. I don't think Rei reached a happy ending. I think Rei is a feminine person, or at the very least a gender nonconforming man who retreated back into the closet within the violent festival that his father brought upon him... many will disagree, but this is how I read it - a manhood built up on violence equals unhapiness for two. I think Towa and Rei might stay together longer than Towa and Taku would, but it won't bring either of them any healing. The end.

Madarame's route is the simplest, since Madarame does not hide himself behind any masks. He is a violent, shameless rapist who gladly continues paving the road of self-destruction that Maya had left off half-finished. I think that placing this ending behind Taku and Rei's serves as a bit of a wake-up call to those who felt pacified by the former two - um, hey, hello? Did you forget? This is not a 'happy story'. For some three hours you watch Madarame break Towa psychologically, repeatedly rape and torture him - only to release him back to Taku and Rei for Towa to find that he can't truly fit in among them anymore. What purpose does it serve? Well, I think it just shows us that there never was any long-term happiness waiting for Towa with either of those men. I think the purpose of the Madarame route, beyond preparing us for the true route, is to totally nullify the effect of the first two. A 'forget what you thought you knew' type of detail. Broken into obedience, a wild blond Towa kissed Madarame after a boxing match. The end.

Fujieda.

He perplexes me the most, and I'm still not entirely certain in the answer I arrived at. Why would the author who penned this painfully real story about abuse have Towa end up with a man who - midway through the route - raped him? I tried to work wonders to explain this to myself, try to interpret it differently, but the truth is concrete. Fujieda raped Towa in a fit of rage, and then with a sober mind continued acting like everything was normal between them. Why would this be in a 'painfully real story about abuse?'

...precisely because it's painfully real. It happened to Towa. It happened to a million others. It might happen to you. When you hit your knee, do your fingers not venture to fondle the bruise, press down for a small reminder of what the pain felt like? The fingers are usually kind, but once in a while, they press down.

And again - Fujieda does not consistently abuse Towa. In fact, he gives him his first taste of truly pleasurable sex in a scene that pushed me to the brink of tears in its sad honesty. When Fujieda has a good day, he gently washes the remnants of assault out of Towa. But when he had an extremely bad way, he was the perpetrator of the assault. I think it's 'painfully real' for Towa to end up with such a man. After coming to terms with his past, this was the best he could do. This was as much as he could save himself. The VN ends on such a note - don't be too happy for him, and don't be too sad. I do believe that Fujieda brought Towa some comfort and clarity, but I can't say that this isn't a dead end, too. Just a more peaceful one in the light. In the ocean.

What's the point then, if Towa ends up stranded no matter what choices you make? Let's return to the beginning, to the ditch abuse made in you. Sometimes you fill it in with fantasies, sometimes with violence, sometimes with the 'next best thing', a 'he's a good man you know, he's only rough when he drinks' type of marriage... no matter what, fact is that all abused kids seek to fill it in with something familiar. Something they know and recognize. It yearns to be filled, it aches for it - whatever you're ready to dish out, just put it in! I think this merry-go-round of victims and perpetrators is what Surodame is trying to turn our eyes towards, or at least force us to stop averting them. So that you may not scorn the Towa in your life, so that if you are a Towa yourself, you may find comfort in knowing that someone somewhere dreamed you up, empathized with you and lead your hand along the path. Why, then, do we not see our Towa free?

Well, the future is long. He was in an ocean. Maybe he walked out.