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babiebom · 1 month

Note

Heyyy! I was wondering if u could do the bachelors & bachelorettes reactin to / dating an s/o who has really intense nose bleeds when they're stressed. But plot twist bc this is literally the norm for the farmer bc they have crippling anxiety, especially social.

Thank u sm!!

A/N: I don’t know why I thought this was funny??? My anxiety just makes my stomach upset but a nosebleed in front of everyone like some sort of anxious demon is funny. Not the clean up tho. I’ve never had a nosebleed but I know they bleed SO MUCH. Also no problemo!!! Always glad to get requests!! I did different things (so not just stressed because I would’ve written the same thing for anyone I made crush aspects as sort of for stress too lmao) for each hopefully they’re good enough!

Tw: cursing, blood, anxiety, the nose bleeds are VERY dramatic because it’s fiction lmao. Physical fights(in Leah’s part), arguments(in almost all of them). Pierre hate Pam hate(kinda) Demetrius hate Morris hate. And Kel is gender neutral! let me know if there’s anything else to tag!

Wc: idk lmao hopefully at least 100 words for each

Stardew Masterlist

Sebastian:

Just frowns

Actually helps unexpectedly

….we can never talk about this happening again if you want……

It’s not often that you get to see the towns resident emo, even after visiting Robin multiple times for various building needs. So when you wander into the house, looking for Robin so you can upgrade your coop, seeing him makes your brain malfunction.

“Oh…hey farmer.” He greets, moving past you to head further into the house. You blink for a second before returning the greeting, watching as his dark hoodie disappears behind a wall.

You try to force your breathing to slow down. There is absolutely NO reason you should be this worked up over a literal one second conversation. While you sit with your thoughts, foot steps fill your ears and the sight of Sebastian returning from wherever he went makes all of your progress regress. “So…you here waiting for my mom?”

You nod quickly, clearing your throat, “yeah…um…just need to upgrade my chicken coop.”

“Oh well, she’s not in today. She usually goes to Pierre’s store to work out with the other moms.”

You frown to yourself, how did you miss that she wouldn’t be in today? Damn now all you can think about is how you just made a fool of yourself. Lost in your thoughts, you miss that Sebastian had cleared his throat a couple times until he waves a hand in front of your face.

“If you want, I can take your order and tell her when she gets home later. That way she can get started tomorrow.”

“Would you?” Your heart flips as you perk up. Was he usually this nice? You kinda heard from Robin herself that Sebastian never really interacted with people he wasn’t already friends with.

“Yeah sure.” He shrugs and moves to go around the counter, setting his slowly cooling food down. “Okay so she usually charges 10,000g and you have to have 400 logs of wood and 150 things of stone. Sound right?”

You nod and hand over the bag of money. The second your hands touch it’s like your body decided it couldn’t handle anything else from him. Luckily he just takes the money and pretends like your nose hasn’t become a geyser as you scramble to try to keep the blood from dripping all over their furniture.

Sam:

WOAH DUDE IS THAT LIKE….NORMAL?

it’s like from a movie or something

Is overall sorta scared but at the same time thinks it’s cool

“And this is how I do a kick flip!” Sam shows you skateboard trick after trick and honestly you can’t get enough of it. It wasn’t a secret that the both of you had crushes on each other, and even now it was very obvious by how you were watching him do his tricks that you had feelings for him. Yet still you two weren’t in a relationship, just sort of friends who like each other in a romantic sort of way.

“You’re so cool!” You clap as he lands another trick.

“And you’re cute!”

“What?”

You freeze in your spot and watch in confusion as he sort of freezes midway through his next trick and crashes to the ground. His words echo in your head, making your face heat up and your heart soar. He smacks his face on the ground, sending you into a panic because now all you can think about is how he thinks you’re cute, and now how he probably has a concussion from hitting his face directly onto the concrete.

When he lifts his face off the ground, you’re kneeling next to him, trying to check on him. His forehead is bleeding, his nose is bleeding, and so is his mouth. You shriek and try to go through your backpack to see if you have anything to help him. You didn’t.

You already know where this is leading, and you let out a groan of annoyance right before your nose starts leaking just like his. His eyes widen and he lets out a loud laugh. Maybe you two can move out of the weird friendship you have after all.

Shane:

Would just stare silently

Like no comments no nothing

Doesn’t even act like it’s happening

Having a part time job at Joja Mart during the winter is one of the absolute worst ideas that you’ve had in a while. But you didn’t make a lot during your first year of farming. Stacking the products onto the shelves, your only saving Grace is the fact that you’re allowed to have earphones in. Except for the fact that Pam is now standing next to you asking loudly about where something is. Shane is stacking the shelves behind you.

“I don’t know Pam…the alcohol is probably on the wall in the back.” You frown at her. She obviously knows that you don’t know this store that well, you were a FARMER that NEVER shopped here before. She rasps out another question and it takes everything in you to not snap at her. Trying to calm yourself of course there’s gonna be something else that makes you lose your mind. That something is Morris, coming over and being the absolute WORST and in turn making Pam LOUDER and more insistent.

He’s lecturing you, Pam is agreeing with him way too loudly, the music on your headphones is now overwhelming instead of calming, and the sound of random things in the market is making you want to bite a chunk out of the loaves of bread in front of you, plastic and all. With everything building up inside of you, you already know what’s going to happen. It always happens, but instead of excusing yourself you stand there, staring Morris down as the blood begins to flow from your nostrils.

Pam yells out curses and Morris begins to stutter, but behind them Shane just stares for a second before continuing to work. When you’re finally left alone with him in the aisle as your two stressors hastily take their leave, all he does is let out a dry chuckle.

“Sam has a hell of a mess to clean up…”

Alex:

Oh DUDE your nose is like….LEAKING

Doesn’t help

Just watched and comments

“AND THEN HE HAS THE NERVE TO TELL PEOPLE THAT MY HARVESTS ARE HIS BUT HE ONLY DOES IT IF ITS GOOD!” You rant to the brown haired boy, pacing back and forth in his room. Thankfully both Evelyn and George were out so you weren’t bothering anyone except for the man in front of you.

You huff and puff as he watches, slightly amused slightly concerned. Alex wasn’t the best person to go to when you’re upset unless it was something absolutely devastating. So being in front of him now, complains about your farming woes meant that he was only half ass taking it seriously. “You should go and speak your mind.” He says.

Turns out you should NOT take advice from Alex. Standing in Pierre’s shop, you’re staring him down angrily, anxiety creeping up your throat from you trying to will yourself to call him out on his bullshit. The older man just kind of stares at you in confusion because all you had done was shout his name angrily as you entered the shop then stand in front of him seething.

“You….you…..” you point a finger at him. This was the moment, the moment you stand up for yourself and tell Pierre how HORRIBLE he is!

But of course things don’t work how you want and your nose gushes out blood all over the counter before you can work yourself up to the point of accusations. With a gasp you run out of the shop, hoping that he would keep his mouth shut with Alex running behind you laughing. Again, NEVER let Alex talk you into anything.

Elliott:

Panics

How do I help PLS LET ME HELP

Everything probably gets messy

Fishing had never been your favorite pastime, but now trying to fix up the community center you had to. Unfortunately Willy was gone and couldn’t properly teach you even though he had gifted you an old rod of his, so the next best thing is getting your boyfriend to teach you since he does fish often. Now you stand on the docks, waiting for a fish to bite the hook.

“Keep calm, the fish can feel your fear and it makes them upset.” Elliott spoke. In all honesty you didn’t even know if that was true or not, but you take in a breath to calm down. You did not want to be here all day you had cows to pet.

The second your line begins to pull you try to pull the fish in. And you succeed until it comes time to unhook the eel you managed to catch. The eel is slimy and slippery and all around not a good thing to try to grip. A shriek leaves your lips and the eel struggles, Elliott tries to help you but is also struggling to catch hold of it. And now your nose is bleeding adding another layer to the already hellish experience.

You’re unhappy, the eel is unhappy, and Elliott is unhappy. After what seems like an hour, the stupid thing slips out of your grips and back into the ocean, washing your nose blood off of it and splashing you with saltwater. 0 out of 10 you will not be trying again.

Harvey:

Calm but concerned(after panicking for a second)

Has a doctory approach to it

But is secretly like WTF inside

Your heart thumps in your chest as you sit on the clinic bed. It’s been a while since you’ve been in Harvey’s clinic, having taken a break from the mines, and somehow this seems more shameful than having been beaten almost to death by living slime. Your hands bleed into the cloth you have pressed into it. One of the pigs knocked you over into the broken fence you were in the middle of fixing. Now you sit waiting for the good looking Doctor.

When he walks in he’s all smiles, tapping his clipboard with his pen. “While I’m sad to see that you’re injured, I’m glad to see it isn’t from those mines again.” The eye contact he makes with you makes your heart twist for a second.

He starts speaking of all the shots you need and the antibiotics you need to take, rust poisoning is quite serious you know. “Now,” he says, moving towards you, “let me see your hand.”

Your heart thumps erratically at the close proximity of him and you. You only really ever got to see him this close when you were half dead and barely conscious. His face is much too close for you to be able to do anything but focus on how pretty his eyes are, and how fluffy his mustache is, and how…

“OH MY DEAR YOBA” He yelps and jumps away from you. It takes only a second after him to realize what’s going on, and now your furiously wiping away at your nose with your hands instead of with the cloth, and he’s trying to get something on your nose to catch the blood. It’s a disaster, really. But at least you’re already in a clinic!

Penny:

Probably panics

Doesn’t know how to deal with it

Would try to help though

The warmth of the pool in the spa did nothing to ease your nerves as you waded in the shallow end of the pool. Penny had invited you to come sometime after 7 pm, and when you had arrived she was already waiting for you, kicking her feet in the pool. The thought of her asking you here made your stomach turn, did you do something wrong…? Was she inviting you here to tell you she hated you or something…? You had grown close to her over your time here and would hate it if she thought you were too much or something.

“Do you know why I invited you here?” She asks, moving closer but keeping her eyes on the water.

You shake your head, “I’m not exactly sure, no.”

She frowns and sighs at you, meeting your eyes for a fleeting second then looking elsewhere. “Really? I thought you would’ve noticed by now…” her words trail off and her eyebrows furrow.

The next few seconds are ones that you simultaneously want to remember for forever and forget. She confesses her feelings for you. Feelings that you obviously reciprocate, and the emotions in you mix and grow, rising up your throat as if you were a volcano of conflicting feelings. As soon as you open your mouth to tell her that yes, you like her too, her face morphs into one that’s horrified instead of hopeful, disgusted instead of smitten and you realize a second after she does that your nose is spouting red, dyeing the water you both were swimming in.

Penny shrieks for a solid second before trying to scramble out of the water as fast as she can. You do the same, swirling the red around the pool as both of you splash trying to exit the now crime scene looking pool. When you get out of the water, she’s holding a towel right in your face, smooshing it so hard you can barely breathe and now your nose is throbbing with slight pain. “What do we do?!” She asks moving about quickly. She’s so confused that she just keeps walking and turning as if she’s remembering and forgetting things at the same time.

You just tilt your head downward and cringe inwardly, this was not the way to get a girl to like you. “It’s fine…I’m fine,” you say voice nasally and muffled. “And I like you too by the way.”

Haley:

confused staring

wtf is happening

Actually speechless

It isn’t every day that you get to talk to a beautiful blonde. It isn’t even every day that you talk to anyone. So when she approaches you on one of your trips off of your farm you couldn’t help but feel like either everything is out to get you or that you’re up on your luck. You don’t really know for sure, it honestly depends on how things go.

“Hey farmer!” She smiles as soon as she stops in front of you, the feeling of your stomach twisting makes you want to vomit in all of your nervousness. “I have a favor to ask you…”

“Yeah?” You ask trying to keep your cool. “What is it?”

“I would totally love love LOVE you forever if you could bring me an amethyst? It’s for Emily’s birthday and I don’t really like Clint so I don’t wanna buy anything from him. I’m willing to pay 150g!”

You cough into your fist, nodding along and taken aback by how casually she’s speaking to you. Before you can accept doing her the favor, the horrified look on your face makes your words falter.

She looks absolutely horrified, and touching your hand to your face you can feel why. Your nose started dripping blood, and by dripping you mean you can now feel it running down to your chin. A flurry of curses leave your mouth as confused noises leave hers. It's not much of a surprise that this has happened, but man did you wish it wasn't in front of her.

Emily:

Surprisingly chill about it

Probably has a weird story about a nosebleed or something

Actually helps

You sit at the bar alone, upset at a horrible farming day. You tried your best, you really did, but those stupid ass crows actually ate ALL of your seedlings. Or…almost all of them but that’s basically the same thing! There is no way you’re gonna make enough to make it through winter comfortably. You told Emily exactly this, appreciative of her listening ear in the middle of her busy shift.

“You know they probably didn’t mean it…or maybe they did,” she sucks in a breath eyebrows furrowing as she thinks, “you know crows are very smart they probably know that you’re using that land to farm and stay there because of all the free food.”

“But it’s not free!” You exclaim, throwing your hands up in annoyance, “I have to buy those seeds! They’re just putting me into debt!”

She hums and nods, wiping the bar next to you where a person had just left. You had only a couple months left until the snow started falling and making it virtually impossible to grow anything. The little plants you had left you had to fight the crows for. And by fight I mean you angrily swung a broom at the with the intent of scaring them (not hitting them that’s mean). Still the growing anger inside you was not easily crushed by her warm and quite frankly outlandish words. No, in fact your anger grew the more you thought about it.

You felt it coming before anything had even exited your nose, hurriedly snatching the rag from Emily’s hands. Damn now you would have to buy the bar a new one. She just blinks then nods as if your nose becoming a bloody waterfall was normal.

“You know…nose bleeds cause by stress is usually because your heart rate and blood pressure increase and it causes your blood vessels to dilate!”

You stare at her before laughing. Maybe she was helpful after all.

Abigail:

WOAH

WTF

WHAT DO WE DO?

You stand in front of Pierre in front of the shop, arms crossed as you watch his face grow redder the longer time goes on. “-IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAUGHTER?” You’re not really listening to his tirade, over the whole ‘protective dad’ thing.

“Dad I’m an adult! You have no say in who I date!” Abigail yells back, face equally red. Who would’ve known that he would have a problem with the farmer he rips off constantly dating his daughter?

He yells out more reasons that the two of you shouldn’t be dating, and in turn points a finger into your chest roughly. You sputter out an offended sound, moving away from him. “Don’t touch me!”

“You shouldn’t be touching my daughter!”

“What? Dude we just started dating, you’re weird as hell!”

The arguing only gets worse from there, accusations flying around and now an audience comes with the drama. It’s almost too much for you to handle with now Caroline, Harvey, Haley, and the Milner family standing and watching the chaos. “Abby let’s just go to my place…” you try suddenly feeling the need to escape and no longer feeling the ‘fuck you dude’ attitude.

“No! He needs to understand that he can’t control my life!”

It’s like a volcano in your body and just like a volcano your nose begins to erupt. Now you’re screaming, Abigail is screaming, Pierre is screaming, the Mullners are screaming. Could this get any worse?

Turns out yeah, it can get any worse, like a family fight worse and now all of you are sitting in Harvey’s clinic. At least you aren’t the only bloody one now.

Maru:

Is surprised

Also forgets what to do

Would probably make things worse

Maru talks about robots and space the way you would talk about her: totally and completely enamored. You sit on her bed listening to her talk about her newest invention, some sort of robot that can cook and clean and basically be a free maid. You laugh and move your arm to get in a more comfortable position to watch her. Unfortunately your arm had other plans and smacked hard into her bed post. Groaning out in pain, your eyes close and begin to water from how much your elbow hurt.

Demetrius is in your face before you even realize that he was in the room. You yelp out in surprise as he starts ranting about you ruining his daughter’s future. You blink in surprise and try to retreat back into the mattress. What was happening. You can hear Maru screaming over his words but your ears feel like they’re filled with water.

“We’re just friends!” You find yourself shouting. Like damn is the man insane? It wasn’t the first time he’s gotten upset at you over Maru, but it was the first time that he was absolutely losing his mind.

“Dad stop!”

Time froze for a second as you and Demetrius stared at each other, Maru standing near him. Breathing in you can taste blood in your mouth before your nose starts bleeding, yet you can’t bring yourself to do anything but sit and catch your breath.

“Oh my god!” Both Demetrius and Maru exclaim moving around the room trying to find something to help. You couldn’t help but feel annoyed at him acting concerned now.

Thankfully Maru looked cute trying to help you which at least made things a little better.

Leah:

Is also freaking out on the inside but calm on the outside

Helps you with tissues

Is understanding

Going on a date with Leah is a dream come true. There’s paint, wine, food, and you’re sitting in the prettiest meadow you’ve ever seen, well it’s pretty because Leah is there and she’s pretty and you’ve been here multiple times because it’s near her cottage but it still looks different today.

You sit, paintbrush in hand, laughing at something she’s saying. It’s fun and if she hadn’t have asked you would’ve spent the day farming like usual, this little break was needed. The day couldn’t be ruined, absolutely nothing can ruin it.

Okay, one thing can ruin it and that one thing is Kel coming and ruining everything. The argument that ensues is one of the worst that you’ve seen. Kel tries to walk up on you(translation: Kel wants to fight you), Leah stops them but in turn gets into a fight with them which causes you to actually get up and try to defend her.

You kinda block out until you can hear Kel call out “I made your nose bleed bitch!” Which again causes you to want to drown in your anger.

“My noses is bleeding because I’m stressed, stupid!” You back. It’s obvious Kel hadn’t been able to hit your nose so claiming to be able to hit you so hard your nose bleeds isn’t even possible. It’s almost childish how the two of you argue.

Leah finally gets Kel to leave and hands you a bunch of tissues as she sits you down on the now rumpled blanket. As the two of you catch your breath and calm down, you find yourself smiling at her behind the wad of tissues catching blood flowing from your nose.

At least the situation would be funny in the future.

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eetherealgoddess · 3 months

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Hihi

Could you do a fic where reader is like a driver 4 bonten and something comes up so she has to like pick (u cld do all or chose one it doesn't matter) them up then some smut, noncon and fem reader.

Thx in advance if you'll write this, I've been searching for a writer that does noncon🥲

Hope you enjoy this! Also hope you don’t mind about a little mxm between the men in it! Also dark ending!!

Also I’m thinking of making an au where the guys are poly with each other and the reader is added to it or walks in on it or something idk yet but lmk in the comments or requests what you think about that.

ꨄBonten’s Propertyꨄ

Part Two

Oneshot - Yandere Bonten Au

❦You pick up your boss and fellow executives from the club❦

Sano Manjiro, Hanemiya Kazutora, Sanzu Haruchiyo, & Haitani Brothers x Reader

Not fully proofread

MY TR FANDOM WORKS ARE ONLY ON TUMBLR, AO3, AND WATTPAD UNDER EETHEREALGODDESS! REPORT IF YOU SEE IT POSTED UNDER ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!!!

I apologize if I get any Japanese etiquette or culture wrong, I literally have to research the culture for some of my fandom stories so if anything is wrong, please excuse my ignorance.

Notice:

✩Y/n is 18+. I picture her as a black female but you can see her however.

✩Some parts of the story may not be realistic or factual. After all, this is a work of fiction.

✩Although it's a dark 'romance,' I do not condone any of the behavior displayed.

✩Dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit sexual content, etc.

✩There may be scenes that involve non con and/ or dubcon so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable

✩That being said, this story is for 18+ only.

Enjoy!

Bonten’s Property

“Why do I have to pick them up from the club?” You whine, giving Kokonoi a disturbed look as you stare at his sitting figure, focusing on the laptop in front of him.

“You were specifically requested tonight.” He continues to type as you roll your eyes.

“Yeah, but not by our boss. All the guys are gonna do is terrorize me while I’m trying to drive.” You cross your arms as you rest on one leg, hip poking out as you shake your head.

“Boss is with them currently so I assume he relayed the message.” You groan. “You better get going so you don’t anger him.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know Koko.” You finally walk away, snatching the keys as you make your way out of the shared penthouse, heading to the car and unlocking the door before hopping in.

You’re not usually one to pick up the men from the club considering how wild they get, usually only Kakucho or Takeomi could handle the ride, though when you do, you’re usually efficient. Even when Sanzu messes with the wheel or Kazutora tickles your neck to distract you. Even when Ran blows smoke in your face or when Rin pours alcohol on you. Mikey’s not with them usually, so you have no idea how that’s going to be, hopefully he stays a little professional considering you’ve never seen him drunk or high.

Worse comes to worse you can use the partition to divide the front seats from the back which is what you’ve done before. Still, who wants to drive a bunch of drunk or high idiots around? Hopefully they’re not too rowdy, they’ve never been bad enough to prevent you from driving all of you home at a good time. You sigh as you pull up in front of the large club, nodding at the security guard to signal your arrival for Bonten. He nods back before walking into the doors.

You scroll on your phone, waiting for what felt like an hour before you heard the car’s doors opening. Laughter and slurred speech could be heard as the men entered the car, your body tensing into professionalism when you see your boss through the rearview mirror enter, tightening your grip on the wheel. Sanzu sits in the passenger seat with a pink face, eyeing you before smirking. You ignore him as you double check that everyone is situated before driving off.

You ignore their conversations, Kazutora, Sanzu, and the Haitani brothers conversing about the women, drugs, and alcohol all the while Mikey eyes the window a dazed look on his expression as well as a warm face. One of your eyebrows raise as you find humor in your boss's look, unknown to whether he was high or drunk though definitely not sober. You continue the drive peacefully in your own zone as you eye the dark road.

“Y/n, why didn’t you come to party?” Kazutora questions with a smile.

“I don’t ‘party’ like you guys.”

“I think we should’ve hired you as a stripper rather than an executive.” Ran says, his eyes slightly narrowing as he smirks in your direction.

“Yeah, I would’ve paid to see you on stage any day.” Rin adds as he eyes your expression from the side.

Of course, you made a mistake in thinking that they might not fuck with you during this ride considering their boss is here. You ignore their remarks as you continue to drive. Your grip clenches around the wheel once more when you feel a poke against your side.

“Heyy! You’re being spoken to.” Sanzu says as he glares at you.

“Yeah don’t ignore us!” Kazutora whines playfully, poking you until you flinch, using one of your hands to swatt him away. You grit your teeth as you feel a cold liquid running down your thigh, glancing over to see Rin pouring his bottle once more as he chuckles and Ran smiles wider, finding humor in torturing you.

“Goddamnit!” You hiss as you snatch the open bottle and throw it out of the window.

“Awe you’re no fun.” Rin frowns, leaning back into his seat with crossed arms. Ran passes the recently lit blunt you hadn’t even noticed to Sanzu who breathed in a huge wad of smoke just to blow it in your face, slightly blocking your vision as you wave it away.

You continue to ignore them considering what they want is a response, so you drive down the road. You don’t notice the way your boss eyes the situation with amusement as well as staring at you through the mirror, warmth from the drug Sanzu gave him invading all of his senses as his face turns darker, heavy eyes shifting around the car.

“Want some, boss?” Kazutora questions Mikey, handing him the blunt as he takes it from him, breathing in a huge hit before blowing it out slowly. They all praise their boss as he relaxes in his seat. You slightly chuckle before focusing your attention back on the road. You just couldn’t help but find humor in your boss’s laid back behavior for once.

“Here.” He leans over to hand it to you, though you only glance at the flower.

“Oh boss, you can keep it, I don’t smoke.” Honestly, you’re lying because you like smoking. You just don’t want to be high around them or behind the wheel.

“Take it.”

“I can’t smoke behind the wheel.” You say sheepishly.

“Pull over.” Your eyes widen. What the hell?

“B-boss, that’s not necessary.”

“Are you defying the King?” Sanzu growls, narrowing his eyes.

“What? N-no, I just…”

“Then why aren’t you listening?” Kazutora questions.

“Boss clearly gave you an order.” Rin says as his brother eyes you.

All of this over a fucking blunt? What's gotten into them?

“Boss, I’m not disrespecting you, I just thought you wanted to get home! I can smoke in the penthouse if anything.”

“Pull over, now.” You didn’t hesitate to find an empty spot to pull over in, parking the car once you reached it with a shaky hand.

This is so weird.

You take the blunt from Mikey’s hand and put it to your lips, inhaling a little before blowing out.

“More.” You look at your boss from the rearview mirror with confusion.

“I still have to drive, I don’t think I should smoke…”

The barrel of a gun to your head causes you to quiet down, eyeing Sanzu who’s holding the weapon.

“What was that?” Ran teases. “Could you repeat what you just said?”

You glare at them before setting it back to your lips, inhaling deeply before you blow out a huge cloud of smoke, tears forming in your eyes as the burning sensation overtakes your throat.

I don’t understand why they’re making such a big deal out of this.

“Since you can’t drive you should sit in the back seat.” Kazutora says with a fake concerned expression.

“I was ordered to be the driver so I’ll be okay. None of you can drive, anyway.”

“No, it’s alright. Come here.” Following your boss’s order, you reluctantly open the door, hopping out of the driver's seat before opening the back door, blunt still in hand.

You couldn’t help but feel embarrassment as you climb in, feeling the intense gazes as you settle into your seat squished in between Mikey and Kazutora who don’t bother to move over, the Haitani brothers having already shifted to the empty seats across from you as well as Sanzu who sits beside the siblings, gun hidden. You squirm awkwardly into your seat as you inhale the leaf once more. Holding the smoke in as a hand on your chin forces you to turn to your right.

“Blow into my mouth.” You try to move your head from Kazutora’s hand, the burning sensation catching up to you, forcing you to blow in his direction, his mouth slightly open as he sucks in the air, his lips barely grazing yours.

This is definitely too intimate. What drugs did they take because marijuana doesn’t do this.

The air feels suffocating as warmth builds, gazes becoming heated as your eyebrows furrow. Suddenly, the hand on your chin moves to the back of your head as your lips are forced to meet with Kazutora’s. Your eyes widen as your hands immediately push against his chest, his hold stronger as he keeps you in place, golden eyes staring into your orbs. Biting his lip only caused a moan from him as he leaned into you, the metallic taste mixing in with mary jane and alcohol.

When he finally releases you, because you were still shoving away from him, you accidentally land on your boss’s chest. Immediate fear causes you to sit up, though you were stopped by arms wrapping around your waist, your head resting against his shoulder, positioned in between the leg that's propped on the seat and the other one on the ground as he leans against the door. Kazutora grabs the blunt from you as he takes a hit from it.

“B-boss?” You question as his hands slowly roam up your blouse, your face heated as the warmth of his hands rests on your breasts that are covered by your bra. “W-wait! Mi- boss! Stop!”

“Are you telling me what to do?” His breath causes tingles down your neck as his lips meet your ear.

“Two times in a row, not a good look for you, Y/n.” Ran says, ignoring his erection under his pants.

“Wait, I just need some air or something! I need to be okay to drive!” Your chest rises and falls as Mikey squeezes your breasts, your hands grabbing his wrists to pull them off though his strength is firm, even when intoxicated.

“You’re not being a very good executive, Y/n. So disobedient.” Rin taunts before he grabs one of your ankles, removing your shoe as well as Kazutora doing the same with your other after handing Ran the wood. You attempt to pull your legs back, forgetting how you are the weakest amongst these men. Sanzu moves to the floor board next to the upper half of your body as Ran moves to the lower, unbuckling your pants as you struggle against Mikey’s hold, blunt in his lips.

“Y-yeah I’m telling all of you to stop! This isn’t profession-!” You’re cut off by Sanzu’s lips, his hand cupping your face as Mikey’s tongue slithers against your ear. Saliva falls down your chin as your hand reaches to push against Sanzu’s chest while the Haitani brothers and Kazutora pull down your pants, revealing your panties. Your eyes become wider as you start kicking your legs, whimpering against Sanzu’s mouth as you try to break free only for Kazutora and Rin to hold your legs apart as Ran uses a finger to trail down your slit through the fabric before he hands the leaf to his brother.

One of Sanzu’s hands pulls your blouse over your chest before he moves back to pull it off, Mikey helping in the process as he holds your arms still.

“Guys! You’re too intoxicated! St-stop, now!”

Rin’s lips trail down your leg, rubbing your thigh in the process while the blunt lies in between his index and middle finger. Kazutora mimics, though removing your sock before he licks your foot, a tingling sensation going up your spine.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” Mikey whispers against your ear, unclipping your bra before he forces it off of you, of course you make it harder by preventing the handles from being removed from your arms. He tears them, throwing your bra to the side as one of his arms circle around your waist while the other hand reaches your nipple. Sanzu grabs the other mound in his hand before he lowers his head, eyeing you through heavy lids, his lips circling around your nub as you frantically try to move.

Ran lowers his head as he uses a finger to move your panties to the side.

“As pretty as I’d thought it’d be.” He says before he uses both hands to pull them down, Rin grabs them as he throws them to the side before handing Sanzu the blunt. Ran analyzes your pussy with a sly smile, using a finger to gather the slight slick that’s formed before sucking his finger and releasing a quiet moan.

“Stop touching me!” You exclaim, everything becoming overwhelming as your boss and coworkers roam your body, Sanzu pulling your nipple as he takes another hit.

“Relax.” He says before placing it against your lips. You move your head away before he roughly grabs your chin and forces you to face him.

“Smoke it.” He demands. You blatantly shake your head.

“No! No more of that or any of this!” You hiss as you move up once more, only for you to let out a high pitched scream of pain once Sanzu places the burning wood against your arm. Tears fall from the pain as your face becomes hot. Your other hand grips the arm that was just burnt. You shakily wipe away the residue ash left on your skin.

“Say that again.” He says before placing the blunt against your mouth. You inhale before holding it in and blowing out once more. He wipes the sweat off your forehead as he keeps it against your mouth, you having to inhale more before breathing the smoke out again, mellowing out although your heart continues to race.

Your body jolts as you feel a wet muscle slithering against your clit. Ran’s tongue flicks your nub before his lips close around, sucking as he slightly bobs his head. Kazutora sucks his fingers before sliding his hand down, bending over as he uses two fingers to ease into your wet pussy. Your hole clenches around his fingers as your hips twitch, biting your lip as you hold back from releasing any sound as your eyes shut tightly.

Suddenly, hands grab your hips as you're pushed up, legs hovering over your head as your body is bent. The wetness moves to your ass as his tongue glides against your anus.

“Hah! Not there! Stop it, please!” Tears fall in humiliation as he eats you out, Rin positioning himself to eat your pussy as Kazutora angles his fingers, gliding in and out slowly as he holds pressure to your g-spot before pulling out again, watching your pussy contract intensely. A tongue runs along your clit repeatedly flicking the nub before he sucks it. Sanzu and Mikey hold up your legs as they kiss and lick your neck before leaving hickeys and pinching the skin between their teeth, Mikey handing Sanzu the roach before he throws it out of the cracked window, returning his hand to your nipple.

As Kazutora accelerates his fingers, your hips slightly meet his hand as the brothers eat you out, your eyes rolling into the back of your head with your mouth slightly ajar, head falling back on Mikey’s shoulder.

“Ran.”

“Yes boss?”

“Pull out my cock.” He complies, pulling Mikey’s sweats down as well as his underwear, revealing his hard girth. You tense once you feel his head against your ass.

“W-wait, Mikey there’s no lube. Please don’t!”

“My King, I can help.” He says with a dazed look.

Mikey eyes him for a second before he nods his head, Sanzu and Ran switching placements as Ran settles next to her upper body and Sanzu moves to Mikey’s throbbing cock. A groan leaves Mikey’s lips, brushing against your ear as Sanzu lowers his head, lips circling around Mikey’s tip before shoving his cock deep within his throat.

You feel your boss’s hips jerk as his head falls back against the car’s window. Another moan leaves his mouth as you hear the mixture of saliva and precum combining as Sanzu pulls his head back and forth steadily, making sure to wet his king’s cock to the fullest.

“Knew he’d be eager to suck Mikey’s cock.” Rin whispers against your pussy as Kazutora and Ran chuckle at his statement. Sanzu pulls his head back and uses his hand to angle Mikey’s cock against your anus. Your body is forced to drop on his thick cock, tears escaping as the pain shoots up your back.

“Fuck!” You cry out, “Take it out! Take it out, you fucking assholes!” Kazutora removes his fingers as Rin pulls back, sitting in their seats as they pull out their own hard cocks, using spit to rub themselves off. Once Mikey’s cock was stuffed all the way into your ass, he held it there as he basked in your warmth. Sanzu hovers over you as he uses his own spit to wet himself. You jolt when his head meets your pussy lips.

Your hands grip Sanzu’s shoulders as he eases into your pussy, fortunately the juice that was already there makes it less painful, though your hole clenched around his girth as you're full from both sides.

“Relax your muscles.” Ran whispers in your ear as his own hand wraps around his cock, while the other caresses your head.

“I can’t! It hurts!” You exclaim as your eyes shut tightly. Your head falls back once more, Ran leaving a kiss along your jaw.

“Yes you can. Just breathe.” You had no choice but to comply as you tried to get through the pain, breathing heavily as Sanzu and Mikey began to move slowly. A drawn out moan escapes Sanzu as the pressure from Mikey’s cock could be felt through your walls, causing extra friction.

Time passed and their hips began to accelerate, the car filling with five men’s moans as all of them thrust their hips, pulsating cocks engulfed in warmth. Sanzu’s cock, angled to hit your g-spot, causes an intense pleasure that contrasts with the lingering pain from Mikey’s cock stretching your ass. The agony numbing out as you begin to fill a pleasurable fullness as your body rocks up and down, nails piercing through Sanzu’s fabric. You grunt as your ass clenches around Mikey’s cock, barely holding back a moan as the friction causes you to near your orgasm.

“Tell me how good it feels.” Mikey hissed against your ear, hand reaching around your throat as he slams his hips against your ass, speeding up.

“It doesn’t!” You cry out. “I-it feels terrible! Get out of me!” A loud moan accidentally leaves your mouth when Sanzu’s pace becomes faster, ambushing your g-spot repeatedly. A sharp pinch against your nipple causes you to yelp.

“Lie again.” Mikey growls, “Tell me the truth or I’ll blow your brains out as soon as I cum.”

“Fuck, this is so hot.” Kazutora hissed as his head falls back, rubbing his cock violently as his erection pulsates in his grip. Rin bites his own lip as he thrusts his hand, rubbing a thumb over his slit as he watches the display.

“Come on, angel. Be good for us, yeah?” Ran breathlessly says as he brings himself closer, hand gripping your head as he ruts against his other hand.

Your body convulses, warmth overcoming your abdomen as your hips grind hard against the two cocks, head back as your mouth hangs open with a silent scream.

“F-fuck! I’m… ah! Cumming!”

“Shit!” Rin hissed as his hand moves faster, your voice turning all of them on as they continue to work for their own orgasm.

You cry out from Mikey and Sanzu continuing their assault, thrusts becoming sloppier as they cause you to overstimulate, your hips frantically grinding back as the feeling becomes all too overwhelming, nose scrunching as your nails scratch Sanzu.

“Say it now! Tell us how good it feels to be full of our cocks! Right now, Y/n!” Sanzu growls, pink hue covering his face as he gazes into your eyes with a lustful, crazed glare.

“Feels good! S’ fucking good, hah! I’m gonna… I’m gonna cum again!”

In reality, post nut clarity will definitely come soon considering how violated you truly feel, though the feeling of being so full and your g-spot being abused causes your body to react, pussy contracting as you’re brought to your second orgasm, the men following along right after as they all release their loads.

You feel Sanzu and Mikey’s cum shoot deeply inside of you, so much coming out as some of the liquid spills out of your ass and pussy.

“Y-you all violated me.” You growl in anger as tears spill from your eyes, cocks pulling out of you causing you to grunt from the residue pain.

“You liked it.” Kazutora frowns as your vision becomes blurry.

“You should rest. Sounds like the weed is getting to your head.” Rin snorts.

Before you could prevent it, your eyes fluttered shut, darkness engulfing you into a deep sleep.

The next day, the men sat in the meeting room, awaiting your arrival. When you didn’t show up, Kakucho went to check your room, only to find you balled up in the blankets on your bed, hiding your whole body.

“Y/n?”

When you didn’t answer, he walked out of the room back towards the meeting to relay the message. The meeting continued without you. When it was over, Kazutora visited your room.

“Y/n? Why are you acting like this?” He says as he sits on the bed next to your figure. His eyebrow raises when his hand reaches your form, squeezing it before he stands up and snatches the blankets back, revealing an empty space.

“Shit!” He hissed in anger.

Two years pass and you just got out of your therapy appointment, walking to your car before you hopped in and drove to your apartment. You knew that the only way you could leave Bonten was by death or running away. So you decided to make a new life for yourself in a different country, far away from Japan.

You knew the job was toxic anyway but you didn’t know that you’d be violated sexually. You’re in a better head space, though you do have moments where you can feel the hands all over you, not scrubbing your body hard enough as your skin raws. Your new boyfriend, along with your friends and therapist have helped you grow positively as you slowly let your past go.

Entering your apartment, you expect to see your boyfriend in the living room on video games, not his limbs detached from his torso, or head decapitated as it’s rolled in between someone’s feet. Nor did you expect to see blood all over your carpet as well as the frames and paintings broken, thrown off the walls, glass shards everywhere. Your trembling hand covers your mouth as you eye the five men you never wanted to see again, staring at you with cold stoic expressions, worse than any angry look you could’ve ever received.

Hyperventilating, you turn on your heel to run back out your front door, only to run into Takeomi’s chest.

“No, no, no! Let me out, Takeomi! You don’t know what they did to me!” Your fists hit his back as he swings you over his shoulder.

“Oh I know. Now they’re pussy whipped and can’t get over you. Not even boss. You’re lucky you’re not gonna be killed, but there’s no way we’re letting you out of our sight again. Consider yourself, Bonten’s property.” He says as he walks to the car.

You continue struggling in his grip as tears leave from your eyes, crying out in anger and devastation over your boyfriend’s gruesome death. The life you created for yourself being torn from your grasp as another thing important is snatched away. You mourn your lost freedom as well as what’s to come.

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starkwlkr · 8 months

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It's ok if the request got deleted no need to say sorry,

Can u pls make a fic about papa nolan finding out about cillian and physicist!reader's relationship,

Like would he be angry or accepting, i was wondering

And then if u r comfortable with it then a time jump to the wedding or pregnancies

I would really like to know his reactions!!

This is really just a follow up to another anon request (which u made a fic on) and had this idea

Anyway so sorry for the long request

Have an awesome day ahead!!!!

nolan!reader x cillian murphy headcanons

I’m going to make these headcanons if that’s ok 🫶🏼🫶🏼 and i think i got carried away but who cares 😌

Ok so obviously y/n and cillian met in the early 2000s (you can make up how they met)

papa nolan knows that y/n is talking to a boy but he doesn’t know it’s mr. ‘my eyes aren’t even that blue’ so when y/n tells papa nolan that her bf is coming over for dinner, he’s preparing to meet so douche bag who says his favorite movie is pulp fiction or fight club (nothing wrong with that, but the film bros make me want to gauge my eyes out)

anyways, cillian shows up and ofc they get along great <3

after cillian and y/n are now OFFICIAL official obviously the press asks about what papa nolan thinks and if they get along

y/n and cillian are just the it couple of the 2000s like they’re on the cover of every magazine with those cheesy headlines ‘she’s got the beauty AND the brains’

literally any interview cillian or papa nolan do, they ramble about y/n and how proud they are of her

and you know how it goes, first comes love then comes marriage then comes y/n with a baby carriage🤍💍🍼 butttttt our fav nepo baby and Irish man don’t do it in that order bc my girl y/n got pregnant with their first baby in 2003 and she’s named alexandria

papa nolan is so excited about the birth of baby alex and he always offers to babysit whenever even if he’s busy

baby alex and papa nolan are my favorite duo 🫶🏼

eventually cillian and papa nolan work together on batman begins and you bet that baby alex is always on set

papa nolan at first did not want to bring her because he thought alex would be scared but she loved being on set and meeting everyone

her and christian bale become besties by the end of filming 🤞🏼

baby alex got to say the last “cut!” and everyone laughed because of how cute she sounded

bonus: cillian tried to get her to put the scarecrow mask on but she thought it was yucky (her exact words)

y/n and cillian don’t have kids until like 2014 because they were busy with work obviously like cillian getting movie roles and y/n being at work 24/7 and getting a literal nobel peace prize but eventually she does get pregnant and BAM it’s twins

it’s 2014 and they’re still not married (it happens ya know just ask academy award winner michelle yeoh)

but y/n gets pregnant and she wants to wait until the twins’ birth and then get married

but anyways the murphy twins arrive and papa nolan just cries happy tears because he now has more grandchildren to love and spoil whenever he wants to (they’re named scarlett and wyatt and papa nolan gives them nicknames idk what they would be but go wild with your imagination besties 🫶🏼)

papa nolan just wants to see his daughter get married and see her happy with her new family 🫶🏼

the day of the wedding comes and baby alex is the flower girl and steals the show

it’s a private wedding BUT that doesn’t stop it from being the most famous wedding of 2014

ofc christian bale is there like who doesn’t want batman at their wedding?? tom hardy, best man um yes?! peaky blinders cast, jake gyllenhaal (swifties, don’t hate me, I love jake and he’s one of my favorite actors)

jessica chastain and anne hathaway ofc they’re invited

u know if heath ledger was still alive he would def be invited 🫶🏼

I’m picturing the kids having career day at their schools and each kid takes an adult like papa nolan goes to alex’s school, wyatt takes y/n and cillian goes with scarlett and every adult is just like “fuck, how am i supposed to go on after them?!”

papa nolan goes all out with his presentation for career day like he even called hans zimmer and christian bale to impress the kids (obviously hans zimmer would impress the teachers, not the kids but some kids recognize the music from batman movies so let’s just go with it)

twitter loves the murphy-nolan fam 🫶🏼

no bc i just imagine the edits to beautiful boy with dad!cillian and I’m bawling

ok ok flashforward to 2023 and oppenheimer is coming out and twitter gets more content on the murphy-nolan fam

y/n finally does an interview bc she worked with the cast and taught them about ✨science✨

Y/N AND CILLIAN AT THE OPPENHEIMER PREMIERE AND THEN PAPA NOLAN PHOTOBOMBING THEIR PICS

overall the murphy-nolan fam has my heart and surprise! the murphy kids watched barbie because the twins are not even old enough to watch oppenheimer and I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want to watch their dad have fake s e x with another woman (FLORENCE PUGH ILY)

#inbox <3 #anon #cillian murphy one shot #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian murphy x reader #nolan!reader #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy #headcanon

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finleycannotdraw · 6 months

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can u recommend some bands? i think i like ur music taste and i am terrible at finding music

ty :)

of COURSE I can <3 you’ve probably heard of some of these, but maybe there’ll be some you haven’t! I don’t know what you already like, so… here we go :)

Hozier. Yeah this was always going to be first on the list I’m currently listening to basically nothing else! He’s an Irish folk/soul/blues/etc idk musician who uses a lot of religious and mythological themes in his lyrics and has a lot of songs that include social justice commentary.

The Amazing Devil is a folk rock band with an incredibly unique sound. Their songs are incredibly emotional and have an awesome fantasy vibe going on—plus there’s two singers, and they often sing independently from each other, which is something you don’t see often!

Good Morning Bedlam is a bluegrass band that I’ve gotten into recently! They’re sort of like… a mix of the amazing devil and the crane wives?

The Crane Wives, while we’re at it, and

The Oh Hellos. they’re fairly similar and I don’t have a ton to say about their stylistic differences, but they’re all definitely worth checking out!

Florence & The Machine. Most people have heard of them but I always like to recommend them anyway

Alec Benjamin, if you’re into softer indie music! He has a lot of different styles of lyrics, but his voice is consistent, so he’s great to listen to if you’re looking for that sort of variety.

Chxrlotte doesn’t have a lot of music out, but I’m a big fan of the music she has released, including the ones about Good Omens! The others are more angsty which I love too.

The Family Crest is an orchestral indie pop rock band, which blows my mind. I can’t believe orchestra isn’t a more utilized tool in popular lyrical music, because they do it so well.

Good Kid is actually my brother’s favorite band, and I love them too. They’re also indie rock, but they have a very distinctive style and are easy to get into! Plus they haven’t released a shit ton of songs like some other artists, so it isn’t overwhelming to explore their discography.

Jonatha Brooke is an artist I only know about because my mom liked her music a lot in the 90s, but she’s got a super nice voice and has some awesomely relatable lyrics. I especially recommend her album Ten Cent Wings!

Midlake is a super melodic folk rock band. I’m obsessed with their album The Courage of Others, which has a melancholy vibe that’s super easy to get lost in.

Palaye Royale is harder rock than anyone else on the list so far, but they’ve got an awesome style. Unique voice and definitely darker themes in their lyrics.

Tears for Fears is a pop rock band that I love because my dad does. (My parents are musicians—I trust their music taste).

Toad the Wet Sprocket got their name from Monty Python, but PLEASE go listen to the Architect of the Ruin EP. You will not regret it. Also the song Something’s Always Wrong is like… entrenched in my very being.

Elbow is a band that I never see in fandom circles, but they’re definitely not obscure. Check out their album Little Fictions! They’re kind of like Midlake.

Will Wood ranges from chaotic and fun (The Normal Album) to absolutely soul-crushing (in case I make it)! Sometimes even both at the same time!

(I would’ve also put Paramore, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, and other rock/pop punk bands I like on there, but I assumed you already know them.) (If you were looking for harder rock or metal, let me know, because this list is not that.)

If you want more genre-specific recs or even album/song recs, don’t hesitate to ask!! Music is the fuel of my soul.

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doomsday-dj · 25 days

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Alright i'll bite...

Can u share your top 3 reasons why you chose Rizzles for your fanfics??

I don’t think I can stress enough how much I did not choose Rizzoli & Isles.

This is not like an “I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me” thing except it kind of is. I am Rizzles Tupac. But seriously if you go back to like July of last year, before I started watching this show, I had never even CONSIDERED writing fan fiction. I did not write for fun. I did not think about writing for fun. Writing was completely not on my radar.

I have what I call my kitchen shows which I put on when I’m making dinner or doing the dishes. The key with these shows is that they’re not supposed to be very good. I had tried to do it with Bosch but that show was actually too riveting so I put on Rizzoli & Isles one day in search of a dumber procedural.

And then suddenly I was fucking hooked? And secretly started writing fan fiction? I was like midway through the third season when I started AGVK. True story I took my wife out for a date night and after a couple of margaritas and a beer I was like “I have something to tell you, I’m embarrassed but I can’t keep it from you any longer” and she probably thought I committed a crime or was having an affair for a second.

ANYWAY. This show really snuck up on me. I truly cannot believe how much of my waking life is spent thinking about a fictional cop.

But I do want to answer your question so I will tell you the top three reasons why I’m STILL writing Rizzles fanfics:

1) there is just so much to work with and so little to get in the way of it. They spend all their time together and have barely any men in their lives and that’s just so good. Like I don’t think there’s another non-canon wlw ship where they’re more married. Supercorp is so popular but I’m watching that show right now and had to go through SO MANY EPISODES where they didn’t even interact. I think OUAT has them interacting plenty but there’s more forcing them into romances with men? Idk I haven’t watched it. But Rizzles is just…they’re each other’s entire world. It’s great.

2) we are so starved for butch representation on television that literal super model and girly girl ANGIE HARMON walking manishly is among the best I can get. I cannot believe how gayly she landed this character, it baffles me every time I watch.

3) They’re both just so hot. Sasha Alexander couldn’t be more my type. Every time they put her in a sheath dress and a pair of nude stilettos I practically fall to my knees.

Bonus 4th reason: the Rizzles fandom is small but so friendly and lovely and receptive. I have a couple Supercorp fics planned and I know that fandom is way way way bigger and I’m excited to see what kind of reception my writing might get over there but I know it’s not gonna be as cozy as this little community we have.

As always, I hope you were looking for an EXTREMELY in-depth answer! Thanks for the ask.

#rizzles #rizzoli and isles #fanfic talk #ask doomsday #for the record I hate cops #thinking this much about a pathologist makes sense because I grew up on the x-files

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webslingingslasher · 2 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/webslingingslasher/743629403190378496/uh-hi-me-and-my-bf-just-got-into-a-huge-fight-and

thank you :(

i have an update. he apologised for getting so mad about it but we still didn’t agree. he asked what the plan was, like ‘do you want to use condoms for the rest of our lives bc that’s just a waste’ which could be a fair point but we haven’t even been together for that long so it doesn’t really apply.

we ended up arguing again bc he said they’re only really for non-serious/temporary relationships or if you’re sleeping around. he said bc he’s not getting w anyone else theres no reason not to go on birth control, and said i ‘clearly don’t have the same long term plans with him that he does with me’ like ? just bc i don’t wanna risk anxiety/depression, i’m once again the bad girlfriend like i’m so tired of it. i was upset when i sent u the ask but im just fed up now. it turned into a whole thing ab our future like just bf he wants to hit it raw my morals are being questioned lol

idk i feel like im making a big deal out of it tho. like he’s not sleeping around, that’s clear, so i probably should agree because i know it’s the norm rn (from the people i know and such). idk like i know it probably feels better without it, but i didn’t think it’d be such a dealbreaker for him to keep arguing about it like damn. boys are so sensitive i swear.

my fictional bfs wouldn’t treat me this way and that’s what im reminding myself of rn

thanks for your reassurance btw💗 i needed to hear that all

1: your boyfriend is manipulating you.

2: your boyfriend is putting his pleasure above your mental health and needs.

3: the length of a relationship has zero correlation to the type of birth control used.

4: you are showing him that you will give into what he wants because “it’s easier.”

5: you have a bad boyfriend.

6: see point one.

7: see point five

8: see point one and five.

#this makes me feel very upset. it sounds like you’re young OP- don’t waste your time on this person #thanks anon!

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nerves-nebula · 6 months

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riddle me this. do you think a fictional robot which is created to exactly mimic humans and think like one have gender dysphoria? also can you tell me why you think whatever you think. i am so curious i want to know why people think what they do

Yes tho I’m not sure if u mean mimic as in pretend to or mimic as in their facilities are meant to be similar to ours in order to mimic our experiences- either way if they’re meant to replicate human behavior & thought I don’t see why not. Also I don’t want to be rude to robots so I think I’d accept self identification from them.

Only time I’d give it a sideye is if it’s clearly just parroting bigoted tropes from like idk machine learning analysis or whatever that’s called. But even then like. Ehhh. What’s it to me yknow? It’s only one robot.

#nnstuff #ask #robots

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ofmermaidstories · 2 days

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OOOOOH OOOOH ME ME ME ME🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

Okay okay Mermie I gotta know……..#11, #17, and hmmm let’s do #27 (of course I wanna know them ALL but that a little too much hehe)

LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!✨🫶🏻💗

kimmyyy hello, hi, ily2. 💕🥹 ok lessgo.

11. Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned on this blog how hard I rode for Tamora Pierce as a kid, lmao, and how like… formative that was. If you’ve never read her stuff it’s fantasy -adventure, with a dash of romance, kinda? The first series in that world is The Song of the Lionness, where Alana trades places with her twin brother so she can train as a knight and he can study as a mage but the first series of Pierce’s I ever read was the third, The Protector of the Small, which is like idk, twenty or so years after Alana’s made waves in the world? The main character, Keladry, is the first girl since Alana to train—openly—as a Knight, and like, whereas Alana had magic and literal Gods behind her, Kel has to struggle through it alone and just sort of make her way through this infamous boys club, and you know, old men that resent her (and Alana) and dslkfjsldkfj. idk!!! It made such an impact, you know? After I finished that series I backtracked to the next one my library had, which was The Immortals, which follows a girl called Daine who can understand animals and how she ends up learning how to control her magic under the tutelage of the most powerful mages in the country (there’s an age gap romance involved that one, as a head’s up.)

The fun part tho is that like, Immortals is set oh idk, a while after Lionness, and then Kel and her struggles happen a few years after Daine’s last book and all these characters like, show up in each others stories!!! 🥹 Like, they affect each other’s worlds!! They have weight, they create change!! Alana pretends to be a boy in order to train and ends up like, becoming the first female Knight, opening the land up to the Gods—and then a few years later Daine comes along, and with her wild magic tears the space between the land and the Gods wide open, sending monsters throughout the relam and making knights like Alana—someone who Daine now knows, thanks to life at the palace—scatter across the land to fight them. And then years after that you have Kel coming along, at like, what, twelve? Kel who wants to train as a knight because of the stories about Alana and her efforts in that war, Kel who grew up with brothers who like, rode off to also train as knights, who end up having to face the last of the monsters that ended up trapped in their world when the heavenly rift was closed by Daine. Daine, who’s still at the palace when Kel trains—who’s there to talk to her horse, because he’s not listening/cooperating with this young girl. This young girl who’s like, all alone in her training because the King—who’s kinda scary, who used to be a smart-assed prince who’s best friend was a girl pretending to be boy—has forbidden Alana from talking to her. And I’m not even like, scratching the surface in how they’re all interwoven LOL. They make up that whole world, they have lives outside of their own series and idk—I’ve just always liked that. 🥹 In the wake of finding Tamora’s stuff I ended up making up my own little fantasy story: it was just a rip-off of Tortall, lmao, but I napped out like a good three hundred years, roughly? Of like, interconnected generations and characters. 🥹 Like it literally starts with a random noble girl getting kidnapped by pirates and then two hundred years later her descendants marry onto the Throne like. LMAO. Tamora is a stand-out for me for like, truly instilling that interconnectivity and next-generation type storytelling in me. Her and the V.C. Andrew books, and then Juliet Marillier. The trifecta of fiction that arrived roughly the same time—just at the most perfect, impressionable age. 🥹

17. What writing habits or rituals do you have?

tbh I can’t afford to have true rituals to write—I’d never get anything done, ever, LOL. A reoccurring habit I do have though is that I end up in the same coffee shop with the same order when I’m forcing myself to write, though!! Being outside kinda puts a timer on things, which ends up prompting me to write more than noodling around at home does sdlkfjlsdkfj.

27. Favourite line/scene

out of my own writing? easy. the ending of something (just like this). the last scene, specifically. 🎆

#ofmermaidstories-asks #hi kae hiiii #survey tag sdklfjlkdj

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kalliyen · 2 years

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Kas!Eddie Munson HCs

For my favorite girl @iconicsunny <3 hope you enjoy this babes

Pairing: Eddie Munson x GN!Reader

Genre: Fluff & Crack

Pronouns: Not specified

Warnings: Not much idk tell me if I missed any

Disclaimer: Only a work of fiction! I do not own Eddie Munson or Stranger Things.

Word Count: idk lmao to lazy too count

ꕤ Y/N Suspension level 💯%

• You we’re getting suspicious of your boyfriend, Eddie Munson, these days..

• Why? Oh I dunoo maybe because he’s getting distant? And refuses to smile around you?? Also because maybe he never wants you around anymore??????

• Eddie Munson? Nah, Eddie Munsussy

• AHAHAHAHAHAHA sorry that was really bad

• You were getting real nervous too because your friends said if ur bf is distant he wants to b word you

• Break-up guys I meant break-up

• You were NOT about to let go of your bf s u played investigator

ꕤ Y/N decides to get to the bottom of this! 🕵️‍♀️🕵️‍♀️

• Hmmm…how were you going to force answers out of your boyfriend…

• Oh yeah by literally kabedon-ing the guy in his own house yeah

• Great thinking Y/N such a big brain moment 🙄

• Anyways you corner him IN HIS ROOM and start flooding him with a bunch of questions. Calmly.

• “Eddie..” “Yes..?-“ “WHY HAVE YOU BEEN AVOIDING ME ALL WEEK? ARE YOU OKAY? ARE WE OKAY? ARE YOU HURT? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG ARE YOU MAD AT ME? PLEASE DON’T BE MAD AT ME WHATEVER I DID I’M SORRY JUST PELASE DON’”

• He shuts you up with a kiss

• Sly mf 😒

• Eddie knew he couldn’t avoid keeping the secret anymore so he just caved in and told you everything

ꕤ “Tell, me Eddie, the truth. What’s going on?”

• So yeah as I said he tells you everything

• You’re a bit in shock, no screw that, your in total shock

• Because how??? What??? When??? And why is he only telling you this now??

• HE ALSO DRANK BLOOD WHAT?!

• Eddie canibal era slay /j

• When he shows you his cute lil fangs all you confusion washes away tho

• “AWWW WAIT EDDIE THEY’RE SO ADORABLEEE”

• Gets all flustered and shit and goes “Y/N stoppp ur so embarrassing 😣👉👈”

• Bro secretly loves it tho don’t even try to act all annoyed and blushy Edward

• From then on you’ve bestowed upon him the nickname…

• Fang Boy

• He loves it don’t get him wrong but it’s kinda embarrassing when ur out on like a date or something and you call him shout “MY CUTE FANG BOY ❤️❤️” for the whole world to hear

• Yeah shout it louder Y/N maybe the damn Russians didn’t hear you yet

ꕤ Getting used to Kas!Eddie

• It wasn’t really hard to get used to Kas Eddie

• He was still ur bf 🤷‍♀️

• + All that Kas Pizazz

• One day you were curious and asked him “babe can you turn me into a vampire too”

• Looks at you like you’ve lost your mind and then morphs into one of mischief

• “MmmMmmMMM nah babe sorry I can’t”

• “Aw 😔☹️”

• “it’s alright babe..here let’s just cuddle yeah? Will that suffice?”

• maybe u guys cuddled the whole day but like pfftt who cares amiritie

Uhhh

That’s all ig hope y’all like this <33 this was really random LMAOOO so so sorry Eddie is too OOC or a bit off my deepest apologies <33

+ first stranger things fic yay

#stranger things #stranger things season 4 #eddie Munson #joseph quinn #eddie Munson x reader #stranger things x reader #eddie x Reader #kas!eddie #Kas!eddie x reader

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icarusisstillflying · 2 years

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💥 writeblr intro 💥

hiii folks, this is gonna be my writeblr (hopefully we’ll see how motivated i am) so i want to do a little intro!!

about me

you can call me layne, or if u want to call me icarus, that works too

queer

they/them

disabled with like a million chronic illnesses

21 yrs old

i’m a college dropout with absolutely no plan ahaha

i work as a barista and am looking for music gigs on the side (i still need to get better at the music part oops)

currently reading: Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

about my writing

i write mostly fiction/sci-fi/fantasy

almost all of my characters have powers or magic or aren’t even completely human

i like to write really cool fight scenes, i don’t care if they seem unreasonable, pretend it’s an anime idk. they have superpowers they can do anything

i like to explore the darker elements of these powers and worlds, so a lot of my work is nsfw bc of gore and stuff like that

like incorporating horror into my stories as well as just writing horror too

i write diverse characters and do the best research i can; if someone notices i’ve made a mistake or have accidentally written something insensitive, please let me know! i am always learning!

if i could draw i would make all of my works graphic novels as my choice of media, but alas, i am incapable of doing much more than staring at my tablet and getting angry when the picture doesn’t draw itself

my wips:

Generation Six

sci-fi, superpowers

a woman spends her entire life recruiting people known as Guardians to help protect the world from danger, but the biggest threat she’s ever faced is about to upend it all. not to mention the evil little shadow demon that lives in her head is constantly trying to overtake her and go on a murderous rampage. she’s a bit busy.

large cast, multiple povs

this series is on the back burner for now, i just am not sure where i want to go with it

an untitled pirate story

fantasy, magic gay pirates

the most feared pirates in the world is a crew of six people… and a magic cat? the captain is searching for the greatest treasure known to humankind, and she’d probably have it already, if they didn’t keep hitting all these roadblocks. seablocks? they’re on a boat.

small main cast

Murders of Crow Creek

western setting with supernatural/paranormal elements

a small town sheriff recruits an interesting group of people to help her solve a string of murders: a witch of the Dark Gods, a bounty hunter with a memory problem, a demon killer with a smoking problem, and a bartender with one arm and a hell of a lot of knives tucked in his boots. what’s the worst that could happen? ignore the all out war between gods that they accidentally get themselves into

small main cast

there’s ghosts, demons, angels, vampires, all sorts of supernatural beings just chillin in the wild west

personally love this one bc the main character, the sheriff, is just getting too old for this nonsense; she’s also a big time lesbian yeehaw

Kid Mother

sci-fi, post-apocalyptic

a disease has wiped out nearly the entire human population. if things weren’t already bad, this disease made it so that babies just. couldn’t be born. until one is. with the human population dwindling, and groups trying to speed up that process, our main character has to travel across the country with the first baby that’s been born in two decades so that scientists may be able to find a way to fix this entire thing. no problem.

very small cast

us vs the world trope

other info

i love answering literally any questions about my wips so pleeeeeaaaase ask away!!

i’ll probably also post any fanfics i write bc i have a lot of them, and i really need somewhere to share them oopsies

any advice about other places i can share my writing would be appreciated

please refrain from giving criticism unless it’s 1. constructive and 2. something i asked for :) sometimes i just Can Not Handle It

i do not tolerate any form of bigotry. if i see any clownery on any of my stuff, you will be blocked and reported. just don’t be an ass.

uhhh i think that’s about it? not sure what else to put in a writeblr intro, so if you made it this far, thank you so much! hopefully i will have more detailed posts about those wips up at some point before the year ends! follow if your interested, i’ll probs follow back :)

💥

#writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #my wips #works in progress #writeblr intro #intro

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threewholeants · 3 months

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i wanted to ask abt your sexuality , in a super polite awesome non creepy way , its says your a lesbian on your profile so im asking . i think im a lesbian too,i like girls and i dont think i could have any feelings or attraction to men irl but i LOVE my male fictional chracters, ive liked them since before i realised ive liked girls so idk if its just attacthments . but how is it that you process all this , im confused , idk what i am now?? ofc you dont hve to ans this im just curious . once again this is very icky questions so im saying it agin im not asking this in a 😈👿👹 way , okay cool awesome bye

ok hi anon!! plspls don’t think this is an icky, creepy, or invasive question bc i’ve been trying to find an answer for it myself recently!!

i’ve always Known i’ve had an attraction to girls, and i exclusively date women nd have since i was 17, but never really had any crushes on girls in media (and tbh, still don’t really(that cunty sabre tooth tiger from ice age was an exception)) which i’ve always found a bit odd!

i don’t want to use a word as Strong repulsed .. but it’s the best way to get my point across i guess! i’ve always been repulsed by men irl, but still find myself fantasying n writing abt fictional men. i think for me personally it’s the degree of separation that attracts me.. like . Knowing they’re Not Real let’s me apply exactly what i’d Want in a man (if i wanted one u feel?) onto them nd they then become the perfect vessel for my fantasy !! like if gojo was real i would Not be interested at ALL but that 2d man on my screen?? gimme him i wanna bite him sooooo bad.

i used to hold a lot of inner turmoil abt all of this nd used to think that i wasn’t a very good lesbian bc i only ever had crushes on male characters.. but u know what? i can Fantasise abt whatever i want.. i know in my heart that im coming home from work everyday to kiss my partner on her lips and that i Am good at being lesbians with them !!

i feel like i’ve just rambled and spouted absolute nonsense so im very sorry anon if i.. lost the plot and didn’t actually answer ur question very well…… but i wish u well in ur journey of self discovery!! nd please please know that ur valid every step of the way EVEN IF that step is forwards, backwards, or even sideways :3

i love u! and i hope u are well!

#threewholeants 🏷️#merc replies 🏹#this was just many words of me waffling #do i tag this as lesbian discourse???#lgbt #lesbians gimme ur thoughts if u see this #maybe i’m just insane

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padfootastic · 2 years

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Do you think fandom can be sexist towards female characters?

I see the Jegulus fandom wanting to write Lily completely out of the picture and wolfstar people generally hate Tonks.

oof. i have…a very rambly, very long answer to this bc i don’t think it’s a simple yes/no so i’ll put this under a cut for people to skip if they wanna, yeah?

so, straight off the bat, im not a fan of using pejorative labels for writers in general but particularly for fanfic authors. for one, we don’t know who’s writing behind the screen + what their motivations/inspirations/intentions are. two, everyone writes for a different reason. perhaps someone is venting, or projecting, or using it as a therapeutic release; often it’s lifted straight out of their own life. so i try not to judge the text in front of me based on stuff like that. (this leeway could also be because i used to read a lot of bashing fics where the majority of them are women, i think, and often with the flimsiest, most irrelevant reasons that are straight out of the Sexism Handbook of Traditional Patriarchy too so maybe i just started rationalising it for myself? idk)

second, i think it’s pretty well known that the majority of fandom is some combination of women/queer/neurodivergent/POC etc etc. so applying the lens of ‘critiquing mainstream media produced by cishet men’ doesn’t…really work here, i don’t think. the way we would analyse sexism in say, marvel or disney won’t (shouldn’t?) be the same as how we do it for fandom imo.

that being said, it’s still entirely possible for certain ‘problematic’ tropes/ideas to be prolific, right? this is where the sexism u mentioned comes in. i prefer to use symptomatic language here so saying ‘xyz has sexist/x-phobic elements’ instead of an absolute ‘the work/author is sexist/x-phobic’ because i don’t think the latter is either useful or accurate. when it comes to this, there’s one really important thing i look for here. is the author aware of what they’re writing? (which is a whole other issue tbh, complete w why i feel more comfortable around darkfic authors but let’s not go there rn lol) because a lot of the authors who write out lily or tonks in these ships do so knowingly bc it’s the only way for their plot to exist/evolve. sure, you can have an amicable resolution but will it provide the conflict u need? will it make for good entertainment? will it lead to 3D characters?

stories often need an antagonist and is it unfortunate that women often end up filling the role? sure. absolutely. i’d argue that one of the reasons we have so many mlm ships compared to wlw is because of mainstream media giving us better written men more often than not. and i think it’s totally fine to feel angry/frustrated/upset about that, especially when it carries over into fandom which is supposed to be a fun, inclusive, safe space. i get really frustrated at a lot of wolfstar discourse that entirely ignores the possibility of bisexuality. the vehement insistence that that a certain character can’t be with a woman bc they’re queer, for example, rubs me the wrong way and i think what you’re mentioning is something similar too. but, i always stop myself from assuming malicious intent on the author/fic’s part bc just because they write/believe something in fiction doesn’t make it true, ykno? and i can always step back and go look for something else that’s more to my liking.

and i think every creator would have something like this in their works tbh. i certainly do. i know for a fact that the way i’ve written lily in shovel talk and the patronus fic isn’t exactly favourable to her—even though i’ve tried to be neutral, she has definitely come out looking worse than the others and i admit that that’s on me. i wanted a certain dynamic & characterisation for james & sirius and this was the way to achieve it. people are allowed to dislike that. but they must also acknowledge that i’m allowed to write her that way.

i think, more often than not, we end up looking at this in simplistic binaries. ‘i like this -> good -> allowed to exist’ or ‘i don’t like this -> bad -> shouldn’t exist.’ i’m…not a fan of that. my opinion is we should advocate for more mindfulness within our writing but allowing writers to craft their stories the way they want (bc ultimately fic is supposed to simple and fun and not something you agonise over). and this is all interlinked, right? because the moment we say ‘ok. this might be portraying women in an icky manner, i don’t like it but the author can do that bc it’s a piece of fiction’ then u open the gates for more responsible reading & writing. authors would feel comfortable tagging their works with this, they can discuss it openly w/o being worried about reproach or ‘being cancelled’ and readers can make a more informed decision. but if you go in guns blazing with ‘ugh this fandom is so sexist, look at how it’s treating its women’ then you’ve pretty much killed all possibility for dialogue and improvement and that’s not helping anyone.

this kind of also ties in with my previous point about having differing standards for mainstream vs niche mediums of art. fanfiction authors are often, ironically enough, held to higher standards than published/paid creators which is interesting bc u can argue that their work doesn’t even have the kind of social impact that mainstream media does.

anyway. i’ve gone off on enough tangents here lol but i think i’ll end it with this: yes, women definitely come off worse in certain spaces, especially when they have to compete with mlm ships but i think that’s a conscious decision that authors take within the bounds of the material they have. as long as they are conscious of the fact/acknowledge it, i think likening it to sexism isn’t fair because u can’t have a story without plot devices, uncomfortable as they might be. if you see a pattern in someone’s stories of women being constantly shunted aside negatively, then i think u can take note of it and avoid it. maybe have a conversation with the author if they’re willing to talk about their creative choices. i feel like that’s the most u can do when it comes to online writing where u have no idea who’s on the other side of the screen.

#fandom wank #just in case #i’ve actually thought about this a lot tbh #partly bc of my own reading habits (present + past)#partly bc it crops up as ‘discourse’ far too often for my peace of mind #and i tend to stay out of it bc i don’t like the way in which unfolds #it feels too cult-like for me most of the time #and everything is always taken in bad faith #but yeah. it doesn’t mean i don’t have Thoughts™️ on it #(when do i not lol)#i hope ive managed to explain things decently here?#if there’s anything that’s…off then hey dialogue is always welcome #as long as everyone treats it in good faith and doesn’t attack anyone personally #i edited this 3 times to cut down on useless stuff and i still feel like i’m just rambling aimlessly here smh #not having an absolute answer was a deliberate choice and not me waffling about #bc i don’t think u can just narrow it down to a yes or no #but that’s just me #i know some people have stronger opinions on either side #which is totally valid tbh #it’s everyone’s individual experience that forms their view #and mine caused me to arrive at this #i can also acknowledge i’m often in a headspace to be able to take this sort of neutral/good faith approach #bc i don’t rly have triggers or squicks #that’s not the case for everyone so some would feel more strongly about this #so having a variety of opinions comes in handy here #pen’s asks

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cassthecringe · 2 years

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Hellooo !! (Same anon who was ranting to you about Kakyoin the day before here! saw that you were discussing Jotaro’s and Kakyoin’s relationship and I just couldn’t help it)

Aside from all the stigma surrounding discussing those two together being in the same vicinity💀, I’ve had so many thoughts about them and I hope you wouldn’t mind me sharing! Those are all simple hcs and I would honestly love it if you share yours too if you’d like!

So here goes, personally I think they’re soulmates, platonically or romantically idc idc i just think they were meant to alter each other’s life in some long lasting way. More specifically I think they were soulmates who never had a chance, doomed from the start type shit yk?

In an au where things are shifted a little and Kakyoin survives, everything still remains hard with them. But despite the distance that occurred between them, the impact they left on each other would still remain and it’d be apparent...

I feel like they’d go years without talking and the “blame” falls on both of them. Kakyoin was struggling physically and mentally along with Jotaro not being able to deal with his trauma in a healthy way and life in general all led to this breached gap between them. I like to think Kakyoin would’ve harbored faint anger towards Jotaro for never bothering to catch up but then he thinks about everything that has happened and he can’t bring himself to blame him.... they’d get the memo of catching up after the events of part 6, it’s still not ideal and not how they’d wished things would’ve fallen between them but this reconciled friendship still amounts to something for them... I have so many thoughts about this but I don’t wanna burden you with more angst lmao and honestly I’m more interested in hearing your thoughts

Have a good day!!

YES GOD ANON i am so fucking ga ga for these two you have no idea it's so EMBARRASSING but i love them they mean everything to me so i was so happy to see this ask show up in my inbox thank YOU for giving me an excuse to talk about them fuck

but yeah god i just...i dont know if i believe in soulmates per se even in fiction but i do agree with your sentiment so so much: these two were definitely on a collision course. like yknow how space is mostly empty. they're like two asteroids that crashed together despite that, despite the probability being so low, despite it statistically supposed to be incredibly unlikely, and it changed them both so much as a result, whether that be them molding together to form a bigger asteroid because of the heat of the collision or them both shattered because of the force of it or only one breaking while the other just changes course, forever changed by the short but intense encounter. ughg DO YOU GET IT. im insane anon i am

AND YEAH GOD I AGREE SO MUCH THAT KAKYOIN AND JOTARO WOULD GO FOR A LONG WHILE WITHOUT SEEING EACH OTHER AFTER PART 3 FUCK jotaro "self isolation" kujo would definitely just cut off abruptly and kakyoin would be SO ANGRY BECAUSE AS WE'VE SEEN WITH HOW HE REACTED TO POLNAREFF IN THE HANGED MAN ARC, HE HATES THAT SHIT!!! HE HATES IT WHEN PEOPLE FALL UNDER THE ASSUMPTION THAT IT'D BE BETTER FOR THEM TO DIE ALONE THAN TO GET ANY HELP BECAUSE WHAT IT'S A BURDEN TO OTHERS? AS IF THEIR DEATHS WOULDN'T BE? fuck idk if you know but i have a fic that kinda centers around this but it's still a work in progress. however if u wanted to read it, it's called walk with me/try again on ao3. god these guys make me nuts

but anyway thank you for sending this in. jotaro and kakyoin make me so ill

#cass cries

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txxfiles · 1 month

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youtube!

why is she going on about youtube i hear u cry? well it’s on my mind and idk what else to talk about so here i am to tell you all about how i’ve recently rediscovered my love for the fucking eboys and ponder upon why i am here once again. but anyway what does it mean? who am i? what is going on? if i knew we wouldn't be here so let's take a trip, shall we?

for anyone who doesn't know the eboys are 4 youtubers who made a short live youtube channel and podcast back during lockdown. it was a culmination of 4 guys i really loved so obviously, i was in. i loved their content separately so having them all together was a dream. their content was the sort of dumb shit i always enjoy so what a fucking win. and then, like all good things, it died within just over a year and i was obviously heartbroken but understood why they decided to call it quits. i don't think i realised how much i missed it until i started watching it again so now there's a small hole in my chest wondering what could have been. i know they won't come back together again like they haven't even made a video all together since so that dream is dead which is sad but whatever.

i’ve come to realise i have very ‘immature’ taste when it comes to youtube, i don’t watch cool video essays very often or like educational or life vlogs or anythng like that, i like commentary videos and ‘i ran a marathon in heelys’ videos (love u will if ur reading this i’m free literally all the time) and i’m not saying this is a bad thing before anyone starts, it brings me joy so it’s fine but having fallen off youtube and come back to it, it’s really made me think.

i was out ALL DAY in central london by myself the other day and had been catching up on george’s (memeulous) videos bc there was nothing else in my sub feed that morning and to be honest, i had missed him. call me lame all u want but that lil man has charmed me for several years at this point and he is exactly my type in terms of personality. he even reminds me of that last person i had a crush on which is hilarious, both in terms of personality and stature (HA.) but anyway, i was out alone and the music wasn’t hitting so i turned to podcasts. the sunny podcast has been on hiatus forever and i’ve listened to that enough and the majority of the other podcasts i listen to are fiction ones which i wasn’t in the mood for. so, i went back to the boys and just had so much fun. they’re so silly but i love it, it’s like sitting in a room with your mates and listening to them chat shit. so now i’m sat here writing this with them on in the background slightly upset the channel died (looking at u will) but i digress.

i was in a major youtube slump last year, apart from my bestie tomska who i have religiously watched for over 10 years now (yikes) i really haven’t kept up with anyone. and then dan and phil games came back and i had a bit more reasons to keep up with it. but I’d fallen out with the eboys for reasons beyond my comprehension. i think something in me was like ‘you’re too old for this’ or something but that’s just so not true. i think part of it was trying to move on from a certain part of my life. i found george and alex specifically through the literal worst person ever so i wonder if leaving them behind was a subconscious effort on my part to put the whole thing behind me which is a lot of what i focused on in therapy. but why let someone else ruin something you love? if i wanna be a teenage boy watching commentary youtubers whilst i play fortnite i will, fuck you.

i never understand why my hyperfixations die, like i can’t put my finger on it but I’ve had several youtube ones. way way back i was a big dan, phil, chris, and pj girlie but also a big fan of tomska and his crowd at the time. never really been into any of the american youtubers tbh but i was SO into all of that specific british crowd for the majority of my time in high school/college. mostly because i was incredibly lonely and watching their videos made me feel like i had friends. but as with everything i fell off it and into k-pop and kinda moved on from keeping up with any of them religiously. and then i got back into it with george and alex and then kinda went out from there and really reconnected with youtube. especially during lockdown when the eboys and their podcast were big, i loved it. i used to watch them when i had to go to work by myself and be socially distanced from everyone for like 8 hours so again, it was like having my friends there. maybe that’s it, maybe its loneliness. maybe i’m lonely at the moment. idk. but anyway, when the channel died, they all drifted and i drifted too. other than keeping up with last month (tomska) i didn’t rlly pay attention to anything unless i wanted to watch a game play through (big up jacksepticeye.) and then we come to now and it’s like going back in time. dan and phil are back and i’m rewatching 4 20 something men talking about butts. it is like a time capsule actually because i’d forgotten about half the stuff they bring up in the podcast episodes so it’s kinda nice being reminded of all the shit that went down.

i think i owe a lot of my want to go into like media to people like tomska, because seeing them make videos and stuff with so little that do so well is so inspiring. and he’s genuinely the longest standing youtuber i’ve kept up with, i’ve never dipped off him. i might now tho bc elliot left and i miss him. idk. it’s weird growing up with people you don’t know but feel like you do. like tom got engaged at christmas and that’s just mental to me.

these people are my friends at this point in my life and yeah i know, parasocial relationships are bad i get it, but i’m not delusional. i’m not stalker level obsessed with any of them and i never have been but i feel a connection to them because i found every single youtuber i love when i was at a horrible awful lonely point in my life so of course it makes sense for me to be connected to them on a slightly deeper level than maybe your average bitch is. but thats not a bad thing i don’t think, like these people arent giving you their ACTUAL lives or personalities, it’s just a small part of them like george doesn't even show his face for fucks sake but that mans my buddy. he doesn't even know me but he’s been there for me when no one else was so of course we’re connected on some level, even if it’s one sided.

i don’t really know if this has a point, i just wanted to talk about it i guess? i think there’s a part of me that’s ashamed of going back to something like this? like it’s not exactly high media is it. how can i at my ripe old age look someone in the eye and say ‘yeah i’ve been watching a man who wears a bandana chat shit about peoples tattoos for the last 18 minutes, how’re you?’ who in my real life is interested in that? lmao. i said at new years i was going to have less shame about the things i enjoy but this feels like step toooooo far. i guess it is loneliness in a sense, everyone feels like they’re moving on and i’m stuck in a rut of trying desperately to move on too or wondering if i should just die instead. returning to something like this brings me comfort. makes me feel safe. life is so weird man. i’m nearly 27 surely things should be getting better?

god help whatever i end up writing when it’s my fucking birthday.

i realise this isn't the most comprehensive thing i’ve ever written but that's not the point so hope u enjoyed the inner workings of my mind!

peace out homies

eucalyptus xoxo

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