#esp when it comes to visibility. I fucking worked hard on this. Give me my dopamine. don't hide my crap. Fuck tumblr. fuck censorship.

[blighted-beak]

(nsfw) full version here

(blood, ghost hands, ball fondling, jacob's ladder piercing)

#blightscribbles #pyramid head #pyramid head fanart #silent hill #silent hill 2 #dead by daylight #pyramid head nsft #blightscribbles nsft #silent hill nsft #silent hill fanart #dead by daylight fanart #red pyramid thing #horror #ghost hands #sorry for reposting but I think the fact that tumblr actively hides anything with the mature label is kinda fucking shit #esp when it comes to visibility. I fucking worked hard on this. Give me my dopamine. don't hide my crap. Fuck tumblr. fuck censorship. #at least I can't accidentally jumpscare with a dick because of the crop #I can't even properly tag out of fear of getting hidden. Jesus. IDK man #I'd rather people just block me if they don't want to see my degeneracy #hold dick gentle like hamburger

[star1117-archives]

Look bestie, idk if hard hours are open but whatever, you'll read it when you read it.

I am frothing about how seonghwa/hongjoong/yunho...actually I'll include San & jongho as well, how they would all love it when their partners are shy & embarrassed. It has me thinking thoughts!

I'll have thoughts come up about the others but right now I'm just imaging how Yunho would make the perfect 'first bf' because I think he would just be excited to be your first & he would just make you feel so special about yourself. I think he would tease the absolutely loving heck out of you whilst doing it, 'aww you look so cute when you blush for me'.

Imagine when you start getting intimate with him and you're like undressing & you're covering yourself because it's all new for you, he would just look at you with those puppy dog eyes and rub shoulders & say in a soothing manner, 'you have a beautiful body bunny, let me see all of it'.

Plus, when you've grown more confident with him, he would definitely use it as a way to humiliate you, just imagine you're pinned underneath him & you're all red in the face because even though you've been together a long time, you're still self-conscious. He would look down at you and coo at you in a mocking tone, 'aww is my sweet bunny still shy after all this time? Maybe I need to f*ck the embarrassment out of you mmh?'

Oh my god I totally agree with you, esp Yunho !! Wait you sent this to Lune as well lmao

NSFW UNDER CUT !! UNDER 15’s DNI !!

Yunho:

He’s smitten with you, treating you with the upmost care since he wants your first relationship to be nothing less than magical. He finds it cute how you’re literally a newbie at everything, blushing over the smallest things.

He’s really caring when you guys start to get intimate yet the PERVERT in him literally goes crazy when you sit on his lap or bury your face in his neck. One hundred million percent buys you lingerie in pastel colours, or like baby pink/blue. It just really gets him going Yk? Seeing you all dressed up for him.

He also likes the way that you’re so sensitive, every touch, every caress, every kiss has your head reeling. In turn, also driving yunho up the wall. Size training will obvs be very important to him since Yk, monster cock :]

When you start to get more comfortable he loves to rip your lingerie off you, wanting to ruin the innocent vibes you give off, corrupt that addictive yet blissful ignorance of yours. Pockets the panties when he’s through <;/3

Seonghwa:

He likes the fact that he’s teaching you everything. How to kiss, how to spoon, all those little things you take for granted once your used to relationships. He likes to cook for you, treating you like his little baby that must be cared for and protected.

He finds it really endearing when you buy him gifts as well, especially if you’ve put a lot of thought into them. He’ll literally just kiss and hug you as much as humanely possible because oh my god oh my god you’re so fucking cute it’s breaking his heart

The fact that he likes the whole teaching aspect of being your first boyfriend also appeals to seonghwa in more intimate ways. He absolutely loves the thought that he’s teaching you how to please him especially, no one else.

He also loves to broaden your boundaries with every encounter, slowly working you from touching to vanilla to something a little less innocent. 100% buys a toy so he can fully focus on that pretty face of yours orgasming as if it’s the first time every single time that godforsaken vib does it’s magic

Hongjoong:

He so fucking perverse with it it’s kinda creepy but in a hot way. He loves seeing you getting embarrassed over the littlest of things, especially hand placements. Like, you being visibly affected when his hand rests on your thigh in public, or when he pulls you close during movie night and loops an arm around you.

When you’re comfortable to take your relationship a little further, that’s when he goes completely feral. He isn’t as kind as the others, obviously establishing a safe word, continuously asking if you’re okay, aftercare every single time. But he just loves the thought that he’s breaking you. Ruining that innocence of yours, stealing it from you so no one else can have it but him.

He sees it as you giving yourself to him, one of the most heartfelt intimate gestures a person can do. You’re giving yourself to him, mind, body and soul. It’s fascinating to him.

San:

Bro finds it endearing. Similar to Hongjoong, he likes making you flustered over little actions. The way you slap his shoulder in shock when he whispers filth in your ear. He absolutely loves however how dependent you are on him, as he’s your first boyfriend. He’s helping you understand life, relationships, what it is to love someone.

He loves it when you nervously play with your fingers or stutter or hide your face when talking to him, still new to this amount of affection and attention. But the thing he loves the most? When you initiate the contact, especially if you’re embarrassed afterwards. Why are you hiding your face after kissing his cheek? Why are you looking everywhere but him when you’re holding his hand? He thinks it’s utterly adorable.

This translates to intimate times as well, because bro is absolutely smitten with you. Constantly making sure you’re okay, you’re enjoying it, you want faster or slower. Doesn’t push/force you into anything, except one thing. He is a violent hater of losing eye contact or you covering yourself up.

Focus on him, watch how good he’s fucking you no matter how embarrassing you think it is. Watch the way he glides in and out of you so easily, the way he rolls his hips almost every single time into that one place that makes you see stars. And don’t you dare hide your beautiful body, San wants to see all of you

Jongho:

He likes that you’re inexperienced/naïve. It brings out the protective side of him, he just wants to make sure your world remains rainbows and unicorns. Yk that old sunshine/sunshine protector meme? He’s sunshine protector. He will make sure you’re happy at all costs, and if you’re not the world will burn from his wrath.

Very much a ‘let’s take it slow’ kinda guy, to the point where it’s too slow and despite your inexperience it’s you who’s initiating everything. Like San, he finds it immensely cute when you give him some form of affection and immediately start dying inside. Will die with you, cheeks red and a bashful smile on his face.

When y’all finally become intimate (after practically eons because Jongho was like let’s be sure about this, let’s not rush it, it’s your first time not yet), he treats you like you’re made of glass. Makes sure you’re okay throughout, and refuses to be rough with you in any way possible.

Bro is lovemaking, he never fucks. He only does that when he’s drunk/extremely pissed off, but it’ll take you a while to find that out. Aftercare is top notch, 10/10 would recommend to a friend.

·˚ ◌༘₊· ͟͞꒰➳ NSFW Taglist !! ˊˎ-

@agustd-essert @hyuckilstan @a-soft-hornytiny @nyghtwolff-1117 @artemis-in-your-area @violetwinters @katelynnsqueendom @galaxybambam @yunhobabygurl @midnightbluesnow7 @itbecina @hwaluvvu @ccarpc @anpanseok @yunhosprettyhand @wooandtaeluvr @mingitheii @vilavixg @the-answer-is-love-yrself @youre-a-wallflower-charlie @taehyunscaramelfrappe @imwhoever @cactusmalassus @mrcarrots @ateezbabysitters @owjohny @meowmeowminnie @cheline @fantasy2wonderland @empiirxn @xuxibelle @dazzlingligth @foreverinlovewithdrawings @simeonswhore

#the archives ☾❃☽ #seonghwa {❀} #yunho {✯} #hongjoong {❁} #san {✾} #smut {♧} #ateez #ateez smut #Seonghwa smut #yunho smut #hongjoong smut #san smut #seonghwa #hongjoong #yunho #yeosang #DNI {✘} #star’s hard hours {✄}

[cotccotc]

SKZ REACT to...

 ◈ you being followed

part of my eight as fate event !! ( requested by anon​ ♡ )

genre/s: comfort, skz x gn reader

warning/s: description of being followed on the street, descriptions / mentions of panic attacks

wc: 1.8k

a/n: this one took me quite a while but i’m happy with it !!! i decided to write out a longer introduction to this to kinda set up a scene !! i hope y’all enjoy it (esp the comforting parts ofc kdjdjf)

it’s somewhat unlike you to walk alone at night. you figured it would only take you a few minutes, but you got out of work late, setting you back quite a while. to make things worse, while you were working overtime, the sun had set, leaving you to traverse the dimly lit city streets on your own. all you know is that your boyfriend left the door open for you, and a couch date sounds really great right now.

somewhere along your walk, you heard a shuffling noise coming from behind you. you disregarded it, thinking it may have been simple paranoia. you’ve seen too many movies, you think. however, as you keep up your leisurely yet steady pace, you hear another noise. this time you turn around.

a man. in a black hoodie. looking you dead in the eye.

your eyes widen as a small gasp leaves your mouth. needless to say, you begin sprinting to your destination, heart racing at a pace that rivals the speed of your feet. with your focus aimed at getting as far away as you can, you’re honestly not even sure how your legs know where they’re going. nevertheless, your saving grace comes into view. after a quick glance at the now empty street behind you, you sprint even faster than before. and, once you make it to the apartment door, you fling the door open and leap inside with enough force to rattle the hinges.

“y/n? what’s wro-”

“i was being followed,” you interject, a choked sob finally escaping you.

◈ CHAN

his first instinct, no matter what, is to make sure you feel safer now.

he’ll sit you down on the couch, staying close beside you and rubbing your back while reiterating that whoever that man was is gone now.

i’ve always liked to think he’d be good to have around in the event of a panic attack. especially if you’re the type of person who needs physical and verbal reassurance. back rubs, hugging, and breathing reminders galore.

once you’ve calmed down, he would wipe away your tears and hold you close to him as he asks you about the rest of your day.

he’s an amazing listener and he can’t wait to hear about the latest employee or customer gossip lmao

but more importantly, it would take your mind off things, which is all he truly wants.

if you start looking a bit gloomy or drifting off in thought, he’d probably suggest some cuddle time !! he would make sure to remind you of how courageous you were in that moment before promising you one last time that you’re safer now, here with him.

you’d finally fall asleep in his arms, filling him with relief.

◈ MINHO

first reaction: absolutely pissed.

not at you of course, but at the guy who was following you. with you still in his arms, he glances pointedly out the front door and the windows, closing the blinds after giving the entire apartment a once-over.you end up in the bedroom, in which he’ll guide you to sit beside him on the bed.

his expression will have completely changed from anger to loving concern. he’d look deeply into your eyes while holding both your hands in his, assuring you that you’re safe now.while you continue to cry, you explain what had happened in more detail. he strokes your hair as you speak and nods along, blood boiling.

he can’t stand the thought of any person making you feel unsafe. but, he’d maintain a calm exterior in order to make you feel more at ease.

once you describe the whole situation, he’d reassure you once again that the man can’t get to you now.

“he’ll have to get through me.”

you giggle.

“hEY”

◈ CHANGBIN

i think he’d have a similar reaction to minho !!

very visibly pissed that some random guy had the nerve to intimidate you. that dude’s lucky he didn’t follow you the whole way home or else he’d probably be pretty uh. damaged. by now..

he’d sit you down on the couch, do a quick check-in at each of the windows and doors, and come back as soon as he can to console you.

when he does, he’s quick to sit beside you, arm wrapped around you with the other wiping the tears off of your face.

after you explain the situation a bit more clearly, he becomes even more angry (probably mutters some curses under his breath)

but !!!! i think he’d really try his best to focus on cheering you up

asking you what you’d like to do for the rest of the night, if you’d like any food, if you’d like to sleep or stay up for a while.. etc.

plus he’d amp up the silly antics to make you forget about things !!

◈ HYUNJIN

i think his physical reaction would become similar to yours. very quickly.

like once he sees your tears and senses your quickened pulse. his immediate response (whether voluntary or not) would be to emulate you.

so, naturally, he’d hold you in his arms and let you cry it out, while small sobs of his own escape him.

seeing you so scared is a scary feeling.

of course, he’d reassure you that you’re safe !!! he’d look into your eyes, tucking your hair behind your ears, and tell you that it’s all over now and that you’re safe.

you, of course, don’t want him to feel sad or scared, so you’d console him as well.

you two would comfort each other the whole rest of the night. i think the most probable option would be the two of you cuddled up in bed watching a movie or reading webtoons together

distraction !! but make it a drama !! or a romcom because .. vibes !!

and when you decide it’s time for bed (however late that may be due to the stress from earlier) he’d be sure to remind you that he’ll be with you all night & when you wake up

(but he’s also secretly clinging onto you out of fear as well kdjfgj)

◈ JISUNG

“oh sh- oh sHIT-”

wouldn’t know what in the fuck to do

would haphazardly check all the windows like minho did, holding your hand as you continue to cry

after he’s done, he’d cling to you and hold you SO very tight <3

lots of “shh shh baby.. baby shhhh” and all that jazz.. you know the sungie vibes…

he’d stroke your hair and arms, noticing your slight shakiness and suggesting you both cuddle for some extra comfort and warmth

no matter what time of night it is, he’d turn off the lights and cuddle with you as you describe the event in more detail

quiet & calm

even if you end up crying again while you speak, he’s there to brush the tears off your face with his thumb and help you calm down again

◈ FELIX

before you came, he might have cooked a small meal for the two of you to share. even though you worked late, it’d still be waiting for you when you arrive. he’d wait too.

when you do happen to burst through the door, he’d jump and gasp out of fear but he’s quick to run up to you and hold you as you let out everything you’d held in during your walk-turned-chase

also !! will help you get settled in as you describe what went down

helping you take off your coat and shoes, getting water for you, grabbing some blankets; all while listening intently and giving you all of his attention

once you’re seated on the couch, wrapped in the softest blanket he could find and staying hydrated after such a harrowing event, he’d be sure to hold you as close as possible to remind you that everything’s okay

eventually, through his subtle gestures and calming demeanor, you won’t even realize how you got situated !! he just knows what to do to make you as comfortable as possible without even trying all that hard

you may choose to skip dinner, but no matter what, he’ll be holding you close the whole night through to make sure you know he’s there to protect and care for you

◈ SEUNGMIN

he’s very methodical about how to proceed. his first instinct is to do what some of the others would and check the house, but he decides to help you calm down first.

you’re rambling about what happened in between sobs and quick breaths, which sends a pain through his heart as he shuts and locks the door.

if you’re shorter than him, he’d bend a little to make direct eye contact with you. he’ll rub your arms and tell you that you don’t have to be afraid anymore

the most calming and reassuring voice in the whole world omg !!!!!!

he’d wipe your tears away and cup your face with both of his hands, prompting you to look back into his eyes before smiling at you

“you’re safe now, right?”

you smile back at him, nodding.

“now, let’s lock all the doors so no bad guys can get in!”

then, he’d take your hand and let you help him lock the doors and shut the curtains, making it feel like a chore instead of a precaution

and for your “good work”, he’d reward you with some binge watching & cuddle time !!! (as if that wasn’t the original plan skjdfg)

◈ JEONGIN

(under his breath, eyes wide) “oh my god…”

i think he’d start freaking out a bit like hyunjin did, but he’d do his very best to hide it. he knows he has to be strong to help you calm down and feel safe.

like felix, he’d help you take off your coat and shoes, leading you over to the couch as you shakily describe what happened.

(i’m sorry i keep making comparisons to the other members bUT) like minho, he’d hold your hands in his, rubbing them softly with his thumbs to soothe your nerves as you let everything out

he’d try to cheer you up by suggesting alternative motives the man might’ve had instead of wanting to harm you

for instance:

jeongin: “what if he was lost and needed directions but he was too shy to ask because you’re so pretty/handsome?”

you: “babe i don’t think-”

jeongin: “OR what if he thought he knew you !!”

you: “but he-”

jeongin: “WHAT IF IT WAS BATMAN-”

overall, his aim is to distract you (as well as himself), which ends in success. you’ll both be in stitches by the end of the night

and… laughing is super tiring, right?

therefore, as reiterated throughout all of these reactions because we all know it’s true:

CUDDLESSSS

oh also.. right before you fall asleep in his arms, he’d ask if you want to leave the light on during the night :( bc he’s a cutie :((((

tags: @stayndays, @hanniiesuckle17​, @leggomylino, @freckledberries, @kisskissbanggang, @mr-jisung-main, @childofthecosmos, @kpopscape, @skzwriternet, @hyunsins, @sleepylixie, @sunshine-skz, @vera-liscious, @thatrandomoneinthecorner, @cyberskz​, @seungminsaidsta, @somethingrandomworld, @ethan806 ( join my tag list !! )

©️ cotccotc 2021 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

#districtninewriters #inkidz #skzwritersclub #straykidsland #*fics #*8 #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #skz #stray kids #skz reactions #stray kids reactions #skz ot8 #stray kids ot8

[fuck-customers]

How do I (politely) tell a coworker to fuck off and leave me alone?

I work at a dog groomers, I'm in the back blow drying dogs off. I get dogs that are scared/first time there, sick, partially paralyzed/other physical ailment, old or of puppy age, dogs with seizures, heart issues, anxiety or other health conditions that could cause some sort of attack. Basically all sorts of dogs that need a gentler, nicer, calmer person to comfort them as they get blow dried so they don't freak out and harm themselves or me.

This coworker has recently also bothered another one of my coworkers, but she goes to me most cause my station is right next to hers. As I'm drying off a dog with anxiety she turns over telling me I need to brush the dog more. So she takes the brush and brushes the dog on her head, causing the dog to yelp. She also has a tendency to brush too hard. She stops and I get mad at her sternly saying, while not raising my voice, 'I'm brushing lightly cause she has major anxiety and I don't want to give her an attack'. She leaves me alone and goes back to her dog on the counter.

Then today she does the same damn thing. This time the dog is old and I can tell he does not like being brushed, so I'm doing it lightly, talking nicely to him when he behaves. She comes over again, says I'm not brushing enough, then brushes the dog on top of his head. Dog goes to bite her. She says 'oh I know this dog he doesn't like to be brushed' then tries to brush him AGAIN and he tries to bite again. She leaves me alone, but now the dog is angry and tries to bite ME, which he wasn't doing before. This is what really pissed me off, cause if she had just minded her own business, he wouldn't be tryin to bite me this much now, and I have to deal with the consequence of her action.

Several times she'll push her way to the dog at my station and brush the dog as I'm actively working on them. I'm the type to avoid confrontation and yelling, and when she pushes her way throu I usually stay silent. Lately when she's been bothering me I've been showing signs that I'm visibly annoyed, but I don't think she picks up on them. Or she straight up ignores them. She's an older lady so I don't want to upset her, but it's getting on my nerves with how often she's been doing it lately.

TL;DR How do I tell a coworker to leave me alone and mind her business, esp since it affects the dog I'm working on, and in a way me?

[bigskydreaming]

If Dick and Bruce are always both at fault for their conflicts then why does it always go “Dick does something/wants to do something and Bruce doesn’t like it or tells him he’s wrong.” With the other times being “Bruce does something that affects Dick’s life without considering it’s effect on Dick and Dick’s not really upset at what Bruce did he’s literally just upset about the lack of consideration for how Dick would be affected.”

Like how does that work. Dick’s stubbornness is so often cited as being what causes conflicts between them but like....he’s only stubborn when it comes to Bruce attempting to make choices for him or suddenly changing his mind about not being okay with stuff he’s previously enabled Dick in and expecting Dick to just be fine with that. With his temper cited as being what puts him equally at fault with Bruce the other times but again when he’s literally just upset at Bruce’s lack of visible consideration for how Dick is affected by various Big Decisions that Bruce makes....how does that track?

The frustration I and many others have about the vaguely referenced but rarely delved into implications or outright statements that Dick and Bruce fight so often because they’re both equally stubborn and hot headed and refusing to apologize....is that Bruce is the catalyst for almost all these conflicts. It’s his choices that prompt them. He decides things and Dick is affected in various ways by those decisions and Dick is almost always just saying hey I’m here, I matter, but it doesn’t feel that way when you keep acting like it’s hard to remember I exist and my feelings are any kind of priority to you.

That’s not equal. That’s not an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. That’s a big fish making big moves and the smaller fish he took in and who is emotionally attached to him for life frantically trying to remind him he’s along for the ride and getting dragged around by the slipstream the bigger one makes without any seeming awareness of his greater ability to affect the smaller one’s life, the very course and direction of it.

And that’s not because Dick’s lesser than Bruce but it is because what gets obscured by the sometimes vague ways their dynamic is hand waved as being something other than father and son but not actually defined....no matter how you slice it, Dick was his dependent. Literally. Bruce took responsibility for Dick as a child and Dick was dependent on him until he was old enough to be independent.

And that matters, even into Dick’s adulthood because their dynamic, no matter what it grew into, began from these roots and you can’t just uproot who they are twenty years later from the ground it was planted in and act like that has no bearing anymore. It doesn’t work that way.

Like, the thing about Bruce forgetting to prioritize Dick and how he’ll be affected by things I think has a lot to do with Bruce second guessing himself and wondering if he’s had a net positive effect on Dick’s life. And he can think back to when he made that choice to take Dick in and kinda picture or wonder might have happened if he hadn’t made that choice.

And by extension, he can see a life without Dick in it, even if he’s justifying it to himself as being better for Dick that way...but the point is he can see it because he did live it, even if briefly. He might have been young when he took in Dick but he was still an adult, still grown, still established in who he was and what he intended to do with his life.

But the problem lies in the fact that while Bruce might try to convince himself that Dick would have been better off without him, and by extension he thinks about a life without him....he’s picturing himself before taking him in. Still adult, still Brucie, still Batman. Still similar ENOUGH that he can put himself in this train of thought that like....if he’d just made a different choice then, Dick would be better off, and then from there he can kinda...make decisions from the POV of the self he was when Dick wasn’t in his life, he can see what that looks like, what he looks like, and he makes decisions that focus just on him and his own actions and he’s still thinking how Dick is better off that way. When he makes decisions without acknowledging how they’ll affect Dick, he’s not doing it to be thoughtless, he’s convinced himself to separate himself from Dick in his mind....and defaulting to the template of himself he has from when Dick really WASNT in his life yet.

And the thing is....Dick can’t do that. So when Bruce makes choices and actions that look and seem like he’s not acknowledging that Dick’s life is intrinsically connected to Bruce’s and everything Bruce does has SOME impact on him because he’s been the guiding force in Dick’s life since he was eight....when Bruce acts like he’s making choices as if in a world where he never took Dick in even if he thinks he’s better off that way....

There’s nothing for Dick to picture, to imagine that world in the way Bruce is. To imagine himself. Because take away Bruce’s impact on Dick’s life, and from Bruce’s POV you just see the infinite potential of what Dick could have been, but that’s because like....that’s Dick at age eight. He’s barely started becoming who he’ll be as an adult. Eight year olds by their very natures are more varied and full of potential than adults because there’s so much less set in stone by then, they have yet to establish themselves as THEM.

But take away Bruce’s impact on Dick’s life for whatever reason, and from Dick’s POV it looks vastly different. Because the only thing he can picture concretely then...is himself at age eight. When he was at his most lost and confused. When he WASNT able to be by himself yet because who he was just wasn’t even all there yet. It was still actively in formation. In a state of new growth, early stages of creation. When he still very much needed an adult presence with more experience, confidence and knowledge to help shape and guide him through the turbulent process of growing to adulthood and finding himself along the way.

Bruce imagines removing himself from the equation of Dick’s life and seeing the still unrealized potential of that eight year old and everything he might be. Dick is forced to imagine himself after Bruce’s removal from the equation of his life, simply because Bruce so often ACTS like he’s doing just that....and Dick suddenly has NO IDEA what he looks like.

Because he’s not fixated on the before image of himself that Bruce has when he thinks of Dick before Bruce took him in. He’s fixated on his life in the here and now...and when he’s catapulted into imaginings of life without Bruce because Bruce is acting like he exists entirely separate from Bruce and his decisions....he’s back to who he was before Bruce, that scared and confused little kid....and with no way to even begin to picture who he would have grown up to be in a life without Bruce.

Same imagined scenario. But two entirely different perspectives with wildly different appeal. As in one holds no appeal at all...because Dick has never really actually expressed that he wishes Bruce hadn’t taken him in. That HE thinks he would have been better off that way. It’s like asking him to picture himself as a total stranger with no way to begin imagining what he became instead of who he is now....and Dick LIKES who he is now. He has his issues but he LIKES being Nightwing, helping people, all the family and friends he would never have met in a world without Bruce.

It’s just....for all that Bruce says that Dick as an adult has become his equal, this is still a father and son and you can’t keep coming up in both canon and fanfics with events and stories where it’s like the father is operating from a place of ‘my son would be better off without me’ and act like the conflict that ensues is one of equal dynamic....because the conflict, the at odds perspectives, are directly born from the father and son dynamic.

It’s the father questioning his place in his son’s life, after being the one who volunteered for that position and thus earned the eternal gratitude of the son who had desperately needed that adult to depend on at the time he’d stepped into fill it...and the son now wondering well who the fuck even am I without that then, where does that leave me?

Bruce is picturing ANYONE being better for Dick at the times when he second guesses his impact on Dick’s life. But Dick is just picturing an empty cut out with no one to imagine in that place, just an awareness that the kid he’d been back then had really truly needed someone there and there’s no one to put in that place instead. (And it really doesn’t come up enough in examinations of Dick’s character, esp in stories using the juvie origin specifically that like....Dick was painfully aware that no one other than Bruce was exactly lining up to do right by him or give him one of those better lives Bruce is optimistically picturing for him when he’s second guessing his own suitability as Dick’s parent. Dick would be like did you forget where you found me??! Who the fuck do you think was going to give me a better life when nobody but you was even seeing a problem with me being in kiddie jail for the crime of Orphaned While Looked Down On By Society?)

But it’s just like....Bruce and Dick’s arguments, especially ones geared around ambiguity as to the status and nature of their relationship....are not conflicts between equals. They’re a son saying he feels like he doesn’t trust the dynamic between them is solid and the father being like well I’d like to reassure you it’s just I’m spiraling because I don’t think I even should be your father.

And that’s just. SO not something Dick can, let alone SHOULD have to address. HE’S the one who’s lost and adrift and basically a homeless orphan the second you take Bruce’s stability out of his life. It isn’t on that guy to reassure the one who volunteered to BE the source of stability in the life of the kid desperately in need of that.

Bruce is of course more than allowed and understandable in having doubts as a parent. But like. You go to Alfred for that. Clark. Selina. Literally any other adult. But not the kid who you force to wonder how to trust in the strength of the bond you’re actively questioning should even exist....when YOU’RE the source of that bond and what he relies on to see himself as even HAVING a parent at all.

Like. It just isn’t the “both equally at fault” thing people keep calling it. It’s a son flailing because he doubts his place in his father’s life at multiple points because his father basically at multiple points flat out says hey you should probably have doubts about that because LOL guess what I’m having right now!

Y’know?

Oh and also, PS - its reeeeeeally not great IMO, how many fics resolve these conflicts by HAVING Dick reassure Bruce that he loves him and is grateful to him for taking him in and he doesn’t know who he’d be without him, because uh....

You basically just ended whatever fight they were having by deciding that Dick couldn’t afford to even BE mad at Bruce any longer for whatever he did or said, because he has to prioritize making Bruce feel better about his own decisions instead of Bruce having to prioritize making him feel better about his place in the Batfam and ensuring Dick knows that he deserves better than just the bare minimum, parenting wise. That if Bruce legitimately fucked up, its okay to call him on it and hold him accountable for recognizing what he’d done and growing to see how he can do better.

Like....that’s not a resolution to their conflict! That’s just Dick being forced to pat his dad on the back for what a good job he did because Bruce’s insecurities are more important to address than whatever it was that Bruce did to upset Dick in the first place, even if it was literally something he’d fucked up as a parent, and that needed addressing or it’d happen again. (Like....it usually ends up happening again).

You literally make it impossible for Bruce to ever TRULY be held accountable for things he does to ANY of his kids....when you continually treat the ultimate resolution to these conflicts being the KIDS reassuring BRUCE.

My eternal mantra, repeated ad nauseam, in all caps for hyperbolic emphasis not because I’m actually yelling at anyone, I’m actually sitting down at my desk, quite calm at the moment just FYI, just saying:

BRUCE IS THE FATHER. BRUCE VOLUNTEERED TO BE THE FATHER. MAKE BRUCE ACT LIKE THE FATHER AND DO THE THINGS THE FATHER IS SUPPOSED TO DO. NOT HIS KIDS.

[capriccio-con-espressione]

Hotspot | Pt.2 (Sheepish)

Genre: Smut 

Word Count: 2739

Warning: Sub!Yangyang, (Hard)Dom!Reader, Femdom, Degradation, Profanity, Edging, Overstimulation, Humiliation (Slight exhibitionism), Hair pulling, Light face slapping (where reader is being attentive), Spanking, Gagging (Pet muzzle), Vibrating butt plug, Pet play, Leaving marks, Bondage (Pet anchor), Neglect play, Pegging, Fake cum (YY chokes on it askghkdjs), YY cries lol

A/N: Happy sort of belated birthday to our bratty Yangyang! I hope this feeds the painstaking lack of sub!Yangyang smut on this app! Fellow doms (esp if you are a hard one) enjoy!

╔══════════════╗

  “Now what?” Yangyang grins upon locking the door to your usual playroom, yet despite his cheeky attitude, you can see how his expressions begin to falter as he sees the full-fledged equipment on display on the bed.

  "What? Use your smart ass brain to think yourself, brat." You hiss. "You know what's coming, strip."

  "Why should I?" Yangyang pouts.

  "Don't make me force you. You're smart enough to know that you shouldn't test my patience, hmm?" You coldly demand as you hand him the garments he’s going to wear during the play. “Remember the spankings you owe me?” You tease his chin with the paddle that you know which intimidates him so much as he gulps with somehow anticipation and fear while busy sliding clothes off.

  “O-o-of course.” Yangyang stutters, “But why this?” He motions at the white mesh undershirt you’re handing him, which is decorated with a few white fabric flowers that slightly resemble splotches of wool on it.

  “Aren’t you Mistress’ Slutty Little Lamb?” You smirk knowingly, while helping him slide the mesh over his head. “You need to be well-prepped for the play later that is going to make you hot and bothered like the hotspot you already are…” 

  “Ugghhh.” Yangyang facepalms at the thought of the embarrassing SSID you just made him change and all the humiliation he had just endured. “No way you’re making me feel like that when you’re being this heartlessly cruel on me-”

  “Oh really?” You cock your eyebrow as you’re palming his crotch, making the smart-mouthed boy gasp in response. “Already visibly hard just putting this fabric on, I find it hard to believe that you don’t like what’s coming next.”

  You then insert the white furry tail plug inside him after some profuse lubing, before commanding him to get on his knees, securing the white choker and chain on him and giving it a firm tug.

  “Now you’d better sit and behave like a sheepish little lamb you should be or otherwise there’d be more consequences-”

  “Consequences of what? More spankings? Is that the only type of punishment you can only think of?” Yangyang’s eyes gleams with defiance while he sneers. “Why would you think I would let you boss me around just because now you have me dressed in this stupid attire?”

  You shake your head in disappointment, “I thought I could go easier on you this time, brat. “ You hiss while giving a firm tug from the roots of the boy’s hair. “Guess the humiliation play on the SSID wasn’t enough, huh?”

  “So what exactly is the consequence, huh, O Mistress?” Yangyang still retorts with a smirk despite his wincing from your pull. “Bet you could never come up with a better one other than a spanking- hngghh!”

  Yangyang’s riposte is cut short by a slap across his face, with your other hand cradling the other side of his cheek as a secure, exactly like you two had agreed on. “Now you’ve wasted your chance of winning my gentleness.” You purr menancingly into the boy’s ear while still pulling on the chain. “You want to be a sharp-tongued brat? Go ahead and be one then even with this on.”

  You reach for the pet muzzle and white leather handcuffs hidden under the sheets on the bed, after taking a mental note to thank yourself for hiding it beforehand to win over that bratty boy, you immediately secure them around his snout and wrists, rendering him into a whiny struggling mess, glaring up at you.

  “Well?” You grin as you pull hard on the chain, forcing the boy to crawl forward in a pathetically restrained manner. “Are you satisfied with this little punishment now? My cocky little brat?”

  You then command him to follow your lead, to the silver wall anchor designated for this session and make a quick effort securing the chain to it, before dishing out another pair of handcuffs, cuffing both Yangyang’s hands to his ankles, and looking back to his indignant stare.

  “Aww no use glaring at me like that, you untamed little brat.” You smirk knowingly. Just then a notification popped up on your phone, it’s from your staff team groupchat, and your supervisor has tagged you in it, in order to ask you about the details of upcoming projects of new shootings.

  “What a pleasant surprise,” You simper while waving your phone at Yangyang. “Somehow I need to answer something important, and you’d better wait up-” A jolt goes through Yangyang’s body as he lets out a weak whimper and crumbles back on his knees. “Because I conveniently forgot to remind you, that this fucking plug fucking vibrates.” You smirk while turning the vibrations to the lowest settings via your phone app to tease the boy, before hopping on the bed far enough that the boy can never reach, and going back to your phone to make discussions with your supervisor.

  In just a few minutes, Yangyang is soon trapped in a haze of unfulfilled lust, the vibrator doing vicious tricks to his sweetest spot, yet he can’t fuss with his voice and words as usual to win your attention and make you do something about it. All he can do now is to fuck his dick against the soft mattress-covered side of the bed, his head hanging on the edge of it to stare at your focused form, eyes filled with frustration.

  But you soon noticed his misbehavior with the continuous rocking of the bed. “Stop it, you perverted little brat.” You come down from the bed to make a few more ties of the chain on the anchor to make him unable to reach the bed, obviously annoyed. “You are making me unable to focus on my job.” You icily state as you switch up the vibrator to the medium settings, making the boy arch his back and lower his head, with his cock twitching vulnerably, in response. “Dare to get yourself off without my permission earns more fucked-out rounds for you, understand, you fucking little bratty lamb?”

  You try hard to focus on responding to your supervisor’s demanding questions in time and with ease without the little snorts and pathetic noises Yangyang makes beside you to have any effect on your functioning rationality. Just when waiting for the response from the groupchat, you see the sinful sight of Yangyang fidgeting and pacing on the floor, giving you the most pleading and vulnerable look he’s ever gave you, the look so meek and cute which would’ve granted him sooner release if he’d always been this obedient. Internally giving yourself a gleeful smile of triumph, you originally decide to have your way with the suffering boy underneath. But then another message from your fellow colleague, who is also one of your best friends in the work field, happens to leap onto your screen. most likely complaining about the disparity of distribution of workload, and somehow this gives you another devilish idea to torture the smart-mouthed boy now pitifully leaking and moaning beside you.

  “Want some release, huh naughty boy?” You smirk down at him, as Yangyang fervently yet shakily nods. “If you want to cum, you’d better keep your voice down so you don’t embarrass yourself, brat.” You hiss before turning to voice call your colleague via the messaging app, making Yangyang’s body jump with warning.

  Streams of complaints soon begin to flow from the other side of your phone as you pretend to be fully attentive, yet your hand is drawing circles on the tip of Yangyang’s dripping length viciously slow, as the boy can do nothing but furrow his brows, indulging in the feeling but also refraining hard to not make any form of noise.

  Just when you and your colleague are too centered on picking out the wrongdoings of your supervisor, you can tell from the expressions of your boy that he’s close to his release, so you suddenly slip your hand away from Yangyang’s throbbing cock, making the boy whimper out loud of loss in response. Mortified by the sound he makes, he intends to back away, yet you just scoot even closer to him, simpering at his mishap.

  And of course, that sound didn’t go unnoticed by your friend, as she inquires about the whatabouts of it, while you just leisurely replies it’s just a loud grunt someone makes whist chit-chattering outside your window as if your other hand isn’t stained with your boyfriend’s pre-cum right now.

  The adding humiliation is making Yangyang blushing, sweating and radiating with heat of arousal, yet his inability to speak, move or even whine out is a plus-one to the exhilaration of the whole thing. Just when he thinks he’s going to combust due to the opprobrium, thankfully your friend decides to hang up and leave the playtime for the two of you.

  “Isn’t that fun?” You knowingly grin as you’re pumping his length teasingly slow. "You finally get to pay for trying to fluster me in public so many times?" You mockingly inquire as you lean closer to him. “Say, do you truly want to cum?” 

  The boy pitifully nods again but is soon held back by you grasping on his shoulder and a motion of shush. “Okay okay I get it, but you would’ve looked much more beautiful cumming whilst getting fucked like an animal and punished like a bad little boy…now bend over” You devilishly grin as you reach for the paddle and take out the plug, making the boy whine out at the sense of loss, as you press down on his back, rendering him into an ass-up position.

  “Since you can’t count with your snout secured like that…how about you count out every spank with the movements of your butt? Hmm? Isn’t that a unique kind of punishment, you bratty little lamb?” You sneer as you’re tapping the paddle on his ass, hand still pressing hard down on his back. “Looks like I am able to conjure up with other forms of punishment aside from spanking judging from what you just endured huh? Now count until 40.”

  You then land a loud snap on his rear, as Yangyang, now desperate to end the ordeal, can do nothing but swivel his ass in a vertical movement, as if writing the number 1. “What a good little lamb...” You compliment as you land another smack on him, as your boyfriend soon writes the number 2 with his rear in response, while your hand comes down to soothe his rear that starts to reddishly glow, and plays with his cock from time to time.

  Spank after spank is Yangyang getting tearier and more humiliated, the sense of sting and restraints overwhelming him as you can’t help but kiss away the trickles of salty liquid. Finally reaching the fortieth spank, without much protest from your boyfriend, surprisingly, you decide to give him some physical pleasure he deserves.

  “Finally remorseful for talking back and being a nuisance, huh?” You inquire coquettishly while combing your fingers through his hair to comfort him down, at least a little. “Now, shall I fuck and pleasure your every possible orifice like an insatiable little lamb you are now hmm?”

  You quickly equip yourself with your squirting strap-on before releasing the muzzle off Yangyang’s face, just to immediately slam the dildo into his mouth. “Slick my cock that I am going to fuck you with with that filthy mouth of yours.” You gleefully command. “I’m gonna cleanse that brattiness out of my precious little lamb until he’s sorry and there’s no trace of it…” You smirk in delight as you resume fucking his face.

  Tears threaten to stream down Yangyang’s face again as you are roughing his mouth up while grabbing his head close to you, whilst attentively looking for any signs of distress or the safety gesture Yangyang would use if it’s going too much. After making sure there’s no warning signs from the boy, you decide to press onto the balls on the dildo to release some of the fake cum you had loaded in it beforehand, making the boy messily cough out in response as his mouth is filled with the lewd edible white liquid.

  “Such a filthy yet beautiful sight to see…” You praise the boy as you give him gentle headpats as he’s recovering from the choke. “Now, should I get to fuck the horny ass of my cute little lamb, hmm?”

  Not waiting for your boy to respond, you immediately grab your dark red lipstick with you, putting a generous shade of it on, holding it for later purposes as you begin thrusting into him after some necessary lubing again. Soon slick skin slapping sounds and Yangyang’s moans echo in the room, as you start bending down and kissing him on his sweetest sensitive spots, leaving red marks behind, as if claiming your precious boy yours.

  “Look at you, moaning and melting beneath my thrusts like this, you are truly a slutty little lamb aren’t you?”

  “No-ahh!” Yangyang’s retort is cut short by a harsh slap on his ass again.

  “No? Then I’m afraid this hard thing wouldn’t be granted any release too soon…” You mock disappointment in your voice.

  “Hannhh no… please I’m your little slut okay...your...hahhh,,,your little slutty lamb...mmmphh…” 

  “That’s my precious little lamb…” You compliment again as you toy with the hem of the mesh a couple of times, just to pool it at his shoulders to reveal his bare torso, and then you uncap your dark red lipstick, writing “Mistress’ Slutty Little Lamb” on his body, before leaning down to plant a kiss on his shoulder again and stroking his cock, while resuming pounding into him hard.

  You notice Yangyang is nearing his climax when his breathing accelerates into a ragged pattern. “Beg, my pretty little lamb, beg. Why is my smart-mouthed brat lost of words now?” 

  “Please, Mistress, make me cum...pleeaasseee…”

  “Good boy…” You coo as you fervently give him a few generous pumps, allowing hot spurts of white shoots ejaculating out of his cock. But while Yangyang thinks he’s escaped the ordeal, he doesn’t realize what you still have in store of him until he finds that your hand is still vehemently pumping his cock.

  Pain soon invades his body as his attempts to struggle away from your firm grip are proved futile. “I thought you said you want me to make you cum, isn’t it, my cute little lamb?” You chortle out ruthlessly.

  “Nonononono not like this…” Yangyang stammers out.

  “So you promise you would never talk back to me anymore?”

  “Y-yes for God’s sake!”   “You promise you would never ever try to make lame sexual jokes and attempt to fluster me in public?”

  “Yes p-please stop…” Yangyang practically wails out as he feels his next orgasm mixed with pain is nearing him.

  “You sure you would be my good little slutty pet lamb and only for me to use and play with?”

  “Y-yesss anything! P-pleeasseee!” Yangyang sobs as his whole body quivers at the overwhelming pleasure and affliction, as you finally grant him the second release that shudders through his whole body.

  “Finally, our sharp-tongued brat has learned his lesson, hasn’t he? Hmm? My sweetie boy…” You coo as you give gentle rubs on his head as Yangyang gradually comes down from his high, his breathing dropping back to normal again.

  “Why is my Mistress this cruel…” Yangyang meekly sobs while he leans into your chest, basking into the warmth of it.

  “Yet you love it,” You retort. “and plus you’re being the defiant one first here I’m-”

  “Shhh we’ve already spent most of our time having heated arguments, why should we ruin this perfect afterglow moment with those stupid fights?” Yangyang grins while still nuzzling your chest, making you feel absolutely fulfilled. “Save the bickering for later lol.”

  “Instant recovery, huh?” You can’t help but remark as you savor the moments of bliss where Yangyang is finally being a meek obedient boy nestled on your chest. As you are undoing his restraints, Yangyang asks, “What did you write on my back?”

  “Of course, your first SSID I made you change.” 

  “Ugghh you bossy...nevermind save that for later.” Yangyang bites back his riposte as he cuddles up close to you on the bed.

  You smile while embracing your now cutesy little lamb, glad that there’s finally a moment of peace and truce between you two. 

╚══════════════╝ 

Tagging: @wildernessuntothemselves​ because she’s Yangyang biased lmao

#subidolnet #nct #nct 2020 #wayv #yangyang #yangyang smut #yangyang imagines #liu yangyang #nct smut #nct imagines #sub!wayv smut #wayv imagines #nct 2020 smut #nct 2020 imagines #liu yangyang smut #sub!yangyang #sub!yangyang smut #sub!nct smut #sub!wayv #dom!reader #sub!idol imagines #sub!idol smut #hotspot pt.2 #my writings

[flying-elliska]

Shadow and Bone Season 1 Review

Ok so I got distracted by a need to watch all of Ben Barnes' filmography (lmao) but here is my review : It was really fun to watch and it was clearly made with love which is already the main thing with YA fantasy, which is often turned into a soulless moneygrab when put on screen. The actors were GREAT. I did think that the Crows suffered from being mashed up with the Shadow and Bone story, but they were still a highlight. I also think it was a bit rushed, esp. when it came to Alina's training. The costumes were beautiful, I want a kefta now. Plus the crossover fanfic interactions btw the SaB characters and the Crows were just pure joy. Also Milo, obviously <3 I'm in hyperfixation mode so here, have an essay :

The "Shadow and Bone" Characters :

- Jessie Mei Li !!!!!! She really made me like Alina so much more than in the books, she absolutely is the 'human embodiment of literal sunshine' and she was a joy to watch. Her character's arc is cliché but her acting is so expressive and endearing, I really felt for her all the way through. (maybe I'm biased bc Jessie talking about her ADHD and seeing her thrive at the same time is like!!! i love them they deserve all the best.) I like that they made Alina more proactive - even though she does make some stupid decisions... but I just don't understand people who put that down as bad writing, like ??? have you ever met a real person who only makes wise, good decisions ?? a character like that would either be at the end of their story or just in the background because that makes them static. The things with the maps in the beginning does a good job of illustrating how she is just this one girl making rash, erratic decisions out of fear and loyalty and doesn't have a sense of the bigger picture, caught in the tide of bigger events. It works for her character. When it comes to the choice of making her half-Shu, I do think it really makes sense re: her character feeling like an outsider but I do understand the criticisms that the microaggressions felt too relentless and one-note. I am really looking forward to them introducing Tamar and Tolya and hopefully connecting to them over her heritage in a more positive way.

- Mal in the books was one of the most annoying YA characters I've ever come across, so I really liked that they made him much more of a loyal, devoted friend. I found his relationship with Alina cute, it really gives us the sense that these are two orphans who found a home in each other, childhood best friends (and potential sweethearts) separated by war, two army grunts and ordinary people caught up in the wheels of power and war that usually crushes people like them, it's a great way to introduce the dynamics of their world and it's a trope that always makes me emo. It felt a bit too one note to me, though, and too heavily on the nose, like Mal's only personality was his attachment to Alina (and his resentment towards the Grisha) and too much of her emotional arc also relied on him. Them hitting us over the head with the meadow scenes felt like pure telling instead of showing and it ended up being super repetitive and kind of annoying. I am willing to like this pairing, but I wanted more scenes of them just having conversations about things and really understanding why they like each other beyond the whole childhood friends bond that we're asked to accept exists at the beginning. So I hope there's more depth there in next seasons.

- Ben Barnes!!!! Just jksdfhgkdjghdf. I'm not a big villain stan usually and I hated the Darkling in the books but DAMN his performance is just amazing. They managed to make him more sympathetic and human while at the same time making clear the stuff he does is deeply horrible. There's the Magneto-aspect of 'well clearly his methods are fucked up but he's addressing a terrible injustice nobody is doing anything about' that makes it very tempting to root for him ; and again, well, like, Ben Barnes is so hot and charismatic it feels uncomfortable (which I guess is part of the point lol). His loss of humanity is, up to a point, understandable, brought about by despair, loneliness, grief and a sense of powerlessness - living so long he starts to see other people as disposable, losing so many people he stops caring, seeing over and over how hate never seems to stop, etc. It's a logical explanation for going insane.

But the hunger for power is also very much present as a motivation and this ambiguity is there constantly. Does he maybe come to genuinely care for Alina or is it totally bullshit ? I think he does, he's just so fucked up that it comes out as possessiveness and a need to control her. He wants Alina to be his equal but he's incapable of treating her that way. It's tragic, in a sense, but the show doesn't excuse his actions either. Like his monstrosity is a product of this world full of injustice, yes, and that warrants some compassion, monsters are always a symptom of their environment in some ways and dehumanizing them completely is an excuse ; but at the same time, he sabotaged his own cause anyway the moment he started to treat other people like things, as he does with Alina, because that just perpetuates the cycle of violence and hate. At some point he started feeling like he was the only solution and he was owed power for his sacrifices, and he's using his cause as an excuse. When Alina came to him, there was a possibility for redemption, taking down the Fold, and it's a test because there is finally someone on his level of power. But instead of seeking to remedy the power imbalance between them, he made it worse, by lying to her, manipulating her, etc, and the antler collar is the ultimate sign of this.

I love those scenes towards the end (the antler-based body horror has big Hannibal vibes, so messed up). I like Alina telling him they could have had this, that she had compassion for him and his cause, that they could have worked together, and he's the one responsible for screwing it up and this time his claim that he's the misunderstood victim ("Make me your villain") appears delusional and self-serving instead of somewhat justified. The almost-lovers to enemies vibes, the sense of lost potential, and the angst of the whole 'oh you could finally have been loved by people, too bad you fucked it up !', very juicy. There is this fundamental idea that power/respect/love is not something you are owed no matter how good your intentions are or because you're strong or you have suffered or you're willing to commit horrible drastic actions, you have to keep proving you deserve it, and trying to claim power without responsibility of care turns you into a monster. The thing with the stag was an excellent metaphor of the fact that there's things you can't take, they have to be given to you, and the wonderful power there is in understanding that is what allows Alina to harness the stag amplifier's power. This is really when she escapes his grim utilitarian outlook and a different way forward and owns her own power fully on her own terms.

Anyway I hope Alina gets to beat the shit out of him at some point that would be very sexy but I'm also looking forward to see how their arcs parallel and diverge from each other as Alina starts to grapple more with the implications of her power and the harsh dilemmas of war and her own dark side. I want to see him become scared of her, and I feel it will be more visible than in the books where he just has this cold aggressive facade all the time. This one feels a lot more openly emotional which is just a lot more interesting.

- As for the other characters ; Zoya mostly made me sad. The actress has the perfect vibes but I'm not sure I love their take on her character so far, it does make sense in terms of the later books - that she has internalized prejudice regarding her mixed-race heritage, that she is jealous of Alina because of how hard she's fought to get where she is and Alina kind of takes it away from her, etc. But I would have liked to see a bit more of her being badass and sharp-tongued in a clever (even if mean) way instead of spending most of her time being rejected by men and being racist towards Alina. I did like the ending though, of her actually seeing the monstrosity of the Darkling in action and the mention of her aunt. And her brief bonding with Inej was great, just because it was badass but also maybe because it could be a part of Zoya learning to accept her Suli heritage in turn, maybe not right away but in time, when thinking of that part of herself, she won't only think of her parents' ruined marriage and all the pain it caused, but also of that badass and brave acrobat girl who went toe to toe with these really scary monsters without even having any powers and !!!!!

- Also Leigh's cameo was so cute and as an aspiring writer this is just such wish fulfillment

- I honestly think that having the Crows there actually made the S&B story better ? Not only in terms of the much needed levity breaks but also in terms of themes. For instance, Matthias and Nina's story gave us a really raw and visceral view of how the Grisha are hunted. And Inej's relationship to Alina really gave us a sense of what Alina actually means to people who believe in the Saints in a way that doesn't feel just like 'ugh those superstitious people' because we know that Inej's faith is part of what makes her who she is and a person with morals, and something that saw her through the worst moments of her life. It feels so special that she got to meet Alina and given a sign that maybe the world is not completely shitty. And Alina's kindness towards Inej really gives you a sense that she might be, or become worthy of that belief in time, or at least that she wants to, that she's figuring out her power to really touch people's lives might be a good thing, and that she's starting to accept this responsibility more fully. And her arming Inej is a nice parallel to that. I'm very emotional about this scene, because one of the first things we see of young Alina is her taking out a knife to defend Mal from the bullies, because she's protective and brave, but she's also aware the world is a shitty place, and so her giving that knife to Inej is a sort of spiritual transmission and recognition of sorts, that she trusts Inej with that fighting power, that she'll use this knife to defend herself and her loved ones and not abuse it. It's so interesting. And a counter point to the Darkling's fucked up relationship to power that Alina might at some point get afraid she'll replicate. That you could see Alina trying to gather followers and using people's admiration for her like he did but instead she sets them free and empowers them. It's great. And I feel that when Inej takes to the seas, she'll think about Alina. (I do hope somebody tells her Alina's not dead at some point though god). Girls giving each other knives is my spirituality, honestly.

- And I also noticed an interesting parallel between Kaz and the Darkling in terms of being two emo dudes who like to wear black, are prone to violence and have a thing for two very powerful women they think are special and want to have at their side, but of course, they go about it in very different ways. The Darkling comes at it from a place of power while Kaz comes from a place of utter powerlessness, first of all, and he understands why it's important to set Inej free. Him spending the entire season trying to earn enough money to pay off Inej's indenture is the opposite to the Darkling putting that collar on Alina and while I do have issues with how the show portrays him, I do love that. Love is about setting the person you love free !!!! And that confrontation scene was so powerful, when Kaz tells the Darkling Alina was tired of being a captive ! Drag him !

- As for Genya, I liked the actress and her chemistry with Alina, but I'm not sure they did a great job of making her arc very clear, for instance what it means for her to get that red kefta, her relationship with the other Grisha, etc. Her and David are already very cute though. Also very much looking forward to see where that goes.

So yeah I think they did a great job with this bit actually, I enjoyed a lot more than I think I would and even though it is a very tropey story, there's plenty of depth there too.

The Crows :

- I'm a bit more nitpicky about this because I care about these characters so much. I think overall the problem is that the SaB story in the books happens on this massive scale with enormous stakes, and that next to that the Crows' issues feel less important ; it's like their impact is distorted by the gravity of the much larger story. Like for instance, Kaz in the books is very much at the center of everything, this larger than life trickster figure who knows and controls almost everything by sheer cleverness, and he has this sense of allure and mystique that can't happen here, and so his aura just shrinks. On top of that they're not on their home turf. Being introduced to these characters before they've reached their full levels of badass is weird - there is a reason why prequels generally happen after the main stuff, because they count on the love you have for these characters at their full potential to make you interested in their story when they were less badass and interesting. So I had several moments where I was like 'oh this feels wrong'. Tbh the idea that they would even volunteer to kidnap Alina in the first place, what with Inej's backstory, feels kind of wrong, esp since they had no idea of what would happen to her if they succeeded.

- But I still enjoyed a lot of it though, especially the fact that they were this force of chaos in the midst of this bigger narrative that's a lot more self-serious. The bits with the train, or the circus acts were very clever. A lot of the best moments in the show happen when they come to disturb the other plot in unexpected ways. I'm still dead over the whole 'Alina jumps into their carriage' scene, that was fucking gold. The team up at the end !!!! Alina and Kaz making a deal ! Inej stabbing the Darkling !!!! Them stealing the Darkling's carriage !!! They don't give a shit that the story is supposed to be super dramatic it's great.

- Jesper is the one character they completely nailed from start to finish and he's probably my favorite part of the whole show. He's very funny without being reduced to the role of comic relief ; he's just so! damn! cool!!!!!!! I honestly feel this is a thing they actually did even better than in the books, or at least Six of Crows where I felt Jasper kind of disappeared behind Kaz and they insist a lot on his flaws and issues. So before we dig more into those problems I love that they gave him time to be this ultra badass who saves the day several times ; while at the same time, hinting at further developments like his powers or his gambling issues. Kit Young is just perfect, confident without being arrogant, a bit cold when it comes to crime while at the same time being so obviously caring with Inej - I loved their friendship, that was so sweet. My main criticism is that they should have made it clearer he was bi because there are already people calling him gay and that's very annoying. I know some people had a problem with his hookup and like...I can see it's a bit of a cliché...the charming badass bisexual adventurer....it's a trope I kind of love though lmao and the scene itself felt kind of cute and fun. He's not the only person who is shown to have an active sexuality and he's also not the only queer person around and we know he's going to have a more substantial romantic arc later so eh. On a larger note I loved the little casual hints of completely normalized queerness - Nadia thirsting over Zoya, Fedyor and Ivan, Poppy, etc. Having grown up with fantasy where queerness was either completely erased or very tormented and problematic, this was refreshing as hell.

- Inej and Kaz...my faves... They have a kind of relationship which feels so rare and unique in terms of what exists on TV and while I don't feel they entirely replicated it, the core is still there - the mutual respect and building of trust, the longing, the repression, the trauma, etc. One thing I really like is their arc around faith - in the books, Kaz is dismissive of Inej's faith in ways that often feel really shitty and I like that he learns to be more respectful of it. It's very much linked to hope/survival ; Inej keeps this token from her parents and she hopes to find them again ; Kaz tells her it's no use and she'll survive better if she gives up. He believes Alina is a fake, while Inej wants to believe that myths can come true and there is hope for good things in the world. Kaz comes to accept that Alina is the real deal and, out of respect for Inej's faith, to stop pursuing her. I loved the bit about Inej struggling to kill as well - it's the dilemma of what her survival and that of the people she really cares about are worth in such a shitty world - her compassion is a good part of her but so is her survival instinct, and that's the part Kaz represents - that even after she's been through hell, broken in unfathomable ways, even if she gave up all hope and faith in the world, even she becomes dangerous and ruthless to survive, she will still deserve dignity, and to be treated better. And meanwhile she is willing to break her principles, which she holds so dearly, to save him, when he's never had anyone who cared for him like that - enough to keep him alive. That bit in the church !!!!! God !!!!!! Bye !!!!!!! And then him basically calling her his own version of a Saint, that he doesn't believe in miracles but he does believe in her !!! It's very emblematic of their whole arc ; he empowers her to survive in a ruthless world and loves her at her most dangerous ; but he loves her laugh too, he finds her a ship and her parents, he honors her capacity for love and hope even when he can't share it. And she sees that he's capable of doing better, that he's worth caring for. This whole thing kills me honestly and I can't wait to see where they take this next. I'm not mad they're a bit more soft and obvious than in the books, Kaz would just have come across as an an asshole otherwise.

- That said, there are bits of how they introduced their backstories I don't like. I get that making it so Inej was still tied to the Menagerie gave them a very powerful reason to want to kidnap Alina beyond greed so that they wouldn't look like very shitty people. But in the books Inej is terrified by the idea of simply seeing Heleen or the Menagerie and the way they have her interact with her feels weirdly casual and dismissive of her trauma. Also, in the books, the fact that Kaz had to convince Per Haskell to buy Inej's contract through a lot of effort, that he wasn't the one holding that above her head either, made the power dynamics more palatable. I especially disliked the scene where Kaz says he won't free other girls because just Inej is special, it makes him look like he has the power but he's just too much of a callous asshole to do it, and that he just freed Inej because he liked her which is absolutely not what their relationship is about at the start, it's a lot more about seeing Inej's dangerous side behind a facade of powerlessness and relating to her, in a sense, and this scene made it all feel cheap.

- Also, what was that about Inej having a brother ? Not a fan of that either. I'm afraid they're going to make her story all about finding what happened to him, and that's 1) too on the nose similar to Kaz's story and 2) it kind of cheapens her own arc, a female character realizing that what was done to her was wrong, reclaiming her own power and dignity and then making sure it doesn't happen to anybody else, harnessing her personal experience to save strangers, that's so powerful - making it about a family member at first, especially if it's about revenge, it's so much more simplistic and unoriginal and the perspective really annoys me.

- Also not a fan of Per Haskell not being there because he's a very important part of Kaz's evolution, so I hope he shows up eventually - and the way they introduced Pekka Rollins was kind of like...weird and out of place. I just found the Crows' introduction scenes stilted and not as cool as they should have been - well, Jesper and Inej were very cool, but we needed to see Kaz in action first, we needed to see why he's such a menace before we see him flounder later, and I just...I don't know exactly but it didn't work for me. Also this is a very petty thing but I wasn't crazy about the Ketterdam sets, I know this is probably a budget thing but in my head it looked like this incredible mix of Amsterdam and Venice - specific locations in the book directly remind me of parts of Amsterdam I know very well - and instead what we got felt like this very generic London-ish fantasy setting....so boring. Also a lot of scenes that felt to exposition-y. I don't mind that Kaz was a bit softer than in the books, like many people have said some things work in books and don't work on a screen, and you need to make the character's inner dynamics more explicit. But I do agree that, at the same time, he should have been more ruthless towards people outside of his group. Loved that scene where he faces the Inferni though, and how well they illustrated his disability and aversion to touch.

- I don't have that much to say about Nina and Matthias ; I'm still not super sold on the whole 'haha misogyny!' thing and I dislike that so much of Matthias' change of heart relies on the fact that he finds Nina hot. But I did think that the actors had enough chemistry to make their scenes together interesting and cute ; I loved the waffle scene. Even though it's disappointing that they didn't find an actress who was more clearly plus size for Nina, I still think Danielle does a good job bringing her bold, unapologetic energy. I'm really looking forward to seeing the Crows as a whole team.

So yeah, even though the season didn't feel like a perfect, coherent whole, it was just a lot of fun and I really hope they get renewed. In particular I feel like tying the first trilogy to the Crows' story could create such interesting parallels in terms of themes, about power, the cost of survival, hope, trauma, etc etc

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #grishaverse #six of crows #leigh bardugo

[hellomynameisbisexual]

I’d go so far as to say that the nomination probably saved the site, in fact. For those who need a little background: despite being a small voluntary project the site was nominated for the 2014 Publication of the Year award by Stonewall, the UK’s largest LGBT charity, just nine months after its inception. This was a landmark step in Stonewall’s positive new direction on bi issues. To the best of my knowledge, this was the first time Stonewall had specifically nominated a specifically bi publication or organisation for an award. At this point my co-founder, who was taking care of the business side of things, had recently jumped ship and I was seriously considering packing the whole thing in. I won’t lie, I was astonished to read the email.

I’d worked on a publication which won the award under my editorship a few years previously. Unlike Biscuit, however, g3 magazine – at the time one of the two leading print mags for lesbian and bi women in the UK – had an estimated readership of 140,000, had been going for eight years and boasted full-time paid office staff and regular paid freelancers. Biscuit, by contrast, was being dragged along by one weary unpaid editor and a bunch of unpaid writers who understandably, for the most part, couldn’t commit to regularly submitting work.

Little Biscuit’s enormous competition for the award consisted of Buzzfeed, Attitude.co.uk, iNewspaper and Property Week. We didn’t win – that accolade went to iNewspaper – but the nomination was nevertheless, as I say, a huge catalyst to continue with the site. I launched a crowdfunder, which finished way off target. I sold one ad space, for two months. Then nothing. I attempted in vain to recruit a sales manager but nobody wanted to work on commission. Some wonderful writers came and went. There were periods of tumbleweed when I frantically had to fill the site with my own writing, thereby completely defeating the object of providing a platform for a wide range of bi voices.

The Stonewall Award nomination persuaded me to keep going with the site

The departure of the webmaster was another blow. Thankfully by this point I had a co-editor on board – the amazing Libby – so I was persuaded to stick with it. And here we are now. I don’t actually know where the next article is coming from. That’s not a good feeling. But, apart from for Biscuit, I try not to write for free anymore myself, so I understand exactly why that is. As a freelance journo trying to make a living I’ve had to be strict with myself about that. I regularly post on the “Stop Working For Free” Facebook group and often feel a pang of misplaced guilt because I ask my writers to write for free, even though I’m working on the site for free myself, and losing valuable time I could be spending on looking for paid work.

Biscuit hasn’t exactly been a stranger to controversy, in addition to its financial and staffing issues. Its original tagline – “for girls who like girls and boys” – was considered cis-centric by some, leading to accusations that the site had some kind of trans/genderqueer*-phobic agenda. Which was amusing, as at the height of this a) we’d just had two articles about non-binary issues published and b) I was actually engaged to a genderqueer partner, a fact they were clearly unaware of. Now the site is under fire from various pansexual activists who object to the term “bisexual”. To clarify – “girl and boys” was supposed to imply a spectrum and, no, we don’t think “bi” applies only to an attraction to binary folk. The site aims the main part of its content at female-spectrum readers attracted to more than one gender because this group does have specific needs. But there is something here for EVERYONE bisexual. Anyway, it’s a shame all of this gossip was relayed secondhand, and the people in question didn’t think to confront me about it (which at least the pan activists have bothered to do). We damage our community immeasurably with these kinds of Chinese whispers.

Biscuit ed Libby, being amazing

Whilst trying to keep the site afloat, I’ve also been building on the work I started right back when I edited g3, and trying to improve bi visibility in other media outlets. I’ve recently had articles published by Cosmopolitan, SheWired, The F-Word, GayStar News and Women Make Waves and I’m constantly emailing other sites which I’ve not yet written for with bi pitches. Unfortunately, although I am over the moon to be writing for mainstream outlets such as Cosmo about bi issues, it’s been an uphill struggle trying to persuade some editors out there that they have more readers to whom bi-interest stories apply than they might think. It’s an incredibly exhausting and frustrating process.

Libby and I are doing our best with Biscuit. I can’t guarantee that I would be doing anything at all with it if Libby hadn’t arrived on the scene, so once again I would like to mention how fabulous she is. But we desperately need more writers. We need some help with site design and tech issues. We need a hand with the business and sales side of things. We can’t do it without you. And if you know any rich bisexual heiresses who read Biscuit, please do send them our way. 😉

Grant Denkinson’s story

denkinsonpanel

Grant speaks on a panel chaired by Biscuit’s Lottie at a Bi Visibility Day event

So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in. 


“I’ve been involved with bisexual community organising for a bit over 20 years. Some has been within community: writing for and editing our national newsletter, organising events for bisexuals and helping others with their events by running workshop sessions or offering services such as 1st aid. I’ve spoken to the media about bisexuality and organised bi contingents at LGBT Pride events (sometimes just me in a bi T-shirt!). I’ve helped organise and participated in bi activist weekends and trainings. I’ve help train professionals about bisexuality. I’ve also piped up about bisexuality a lot when organising within wider LGBT and gender and sexuality and relationship diversity umbrellas. I’ve been a supportive bi person on-line and in person for other bi folks. I’ve been out and visibly bi for some time. I’ve helped fund bi activists to meet, publish and travel. I’ve funded advertising for bi events. I’ve set up companies and charities for or including bi people. I’ve personally supported other bi activists.”


What made you get involved?

“
In some ways I was looking for a way to be outside the norm and to make a difference and coming out as bi gave me something to push against. I’ve been less down on myself when feeling attacked. I’ve also found the bi community very welcoming and where I can be myself and so wanted to organise with friends and to give others a similar experience. There weren’t too many others already doing everything better than I could.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“There have been great changes for same-sex attracted people legally and socially and these have happened quickly. Bi people have been involved with making that happen and benefit from it. We can also be hidden by gay advances or actively erased. We still have bi people not knowing many or any other local bi people, not seeing other bisexuals in the mainstream or LGT worlds and not knowing or being able to access community things with other bis. We are little represented in books or the media and people don’t know about the books and zines and magazines already available. The internet has made it easy to find like-minded people but also limited privacy and I think is really fragmented and siloed. It is hard to find bisexuals who aren’t women actors, harmful or fucked up men or women in pornography designed for straight men. We have persistent and high quality bi events but they are sparse and small.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?

“I’m fed up of bi things just not happening if I don’t do them. Not everything should be in my style and voice and I shouldn’t be doing it all. I and other activists campaign for bi people to be more OK and don’t take care of ourselves enough while doing so. People are so convinced we don’t exist they don’t bother with a simple search that would find us. We have little resources while having some of the worst outcomes of any group. I don’t want to spend my entire life being the one person who reminds people about bisexuals, including our so-called allies. I’m not impressed with the problem resolution skills in our communities and while we talk about being welcoming I’m not sure we’re very effective at it. I’m fed up with mouthing the very basics and never getting into depth about bi lives and being one who supports but who is not supported. I’m all for lowering barriers but at a certain point if people don’t actively want to do bi community volunteering it won’t happen. Some people are great critics but build little.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Why are we doing this personally? I’m not sure we know. How long will we hope rather than do? Honestly, are there so few who care? Alternatively should we stop the trying to do bi stuff and either do some self-analysis, be happy to accept being what we are now as a community, chill out and just let stuff happen or give up and go and do something else instead.”

Patrick Richards-Fink’s story

085d4de So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in.

“Mostly internet – I am a Label Warrior, a theorist and educator. Here’s how I described it on my blog: “One of the reasons that I am a bisexual activist rather than a more general queer activist is because I see every day people just like me being told they don’t belong. It doesn’t mean I don’t work on the basic issues that we all struggle against — homophobia, heterosexism, classism, out-of-control oligarchy, racism, misogyny, this list in in no particular order and is by no means comprehensive. But I have found that I can be most effective if I focus, work towards understanding the deep issues that drive the problems that affect people who identify the same way that I have ever since I started to understand who I am. I find that I’m not a community organizer type of activist or a storm the capitol with a petition in one hand and a bullhorn in the other activist — I’m much better at poring over studies and writing long wall-o’-text articles and occasionally presenting what I’ve gleaned to groups of students until my voice is so hoarse that I can barely do more than croak.” So internet, and when I was still in school, a lot of on-campus stuff. Now I’m moving into a new phase where my activism is more subtle – I’m working as a therapist, and so my social justice lens informs my treatment, especially of bi and trans people.”

What made you get involved?

“I can’t not be.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“I feel like we made a couple strides, and every time that happens the attacks renewed. I hionestly think the constant attempts to divide the bisexual community into ‘good pansexuals’ and ‘bad bisexuals’ and ‘holy no-labels’ is the thing that’s most likely to screw us.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?



“It is literally everywhere I turn – colleges redefining bisexuality on their LGBT Center pages, news articles quoting how ‘Bi=2 and pan=all therefore pan=better’, everybloodywhere I turn I see it every day. The word bi is being taken out of the names of organisations now, by the next group of up-and-comers who haven’t bothered to learn their history and understand that if you erase our past, you take away our present. Celebrities come out as No Label, wtf is that. Don’t they make kids read 1984 anymore? It’s gotten to the point now that even seeing the word pansexual in print triggers me. I’m reaching the point now that if someone really wants to be offended when all I am trying to do is welcome them on board, then I don’t have time for it.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Stay strong, and don’t give them a goddamned inch. I honestly think that the bi organizations – even, truth be told, the one I am with – are enabling this level of bullshit by attempting to be conciliatory, saying things that end up reinforcing the idea that bi and pan are separate communities. We try to be too careful not to offend anyone. Like the thing about Freddie Mercury. Gay people say ‘He was gay.’ Bi people say ‘Um, begging your pardon, good sirs and madams and gentlefolk of other genders, but Freddie was bi.’ And they respond ‘DON’T GIVE HIM A LABEL HE DIDN’T CLAIM WAAHHH WAAHHH!’ And yet… Freddie Mercury never used the label ‘gay’, but it’s OK when they do it. And he WAS bisexual by any measure you want to use. But we back down. And 2.5% of the bisexual population decides pansexual is a better word, and instead of educating them, we add ‘pan’ to our organisation names and descriptions. Now, this is clearly a dissenting view – I will always be part of a united front where my organization is concerned. But everyone knows how I feel, and I think it’s totally valid to be loyal and in dissent at the same time. Not exactly a typically American viewpoint, but everyone says I’d be a lot more at home in Britain than I am here anyway.”

#bisexual activism #bisexual activist #bi tumblr #bisexual tumblr #bisexuality #bi #support bisexuality #bisexuality is valid #bi pride #pride #lgbtq pride #lgbtq #lgbtq community #bisexual education #bisexual nation #bisexual rights #support bisexual #bisexual people #support bisexual people #respect bisexual people #bisexual injustice #bisexual justice #bisexual youth #bisexual women #bisexual men #bisexual representation #bisexual #bisexual community #bisexual facts #bisexual info

[dr-gloom]

Some thoughts/analysis on the new episode, because the video itself and people's reactions were bugging me

Disclaimers: I don't hate Patton or Roman, I'm not calling Patton abusive or manipulative, as those terms insinuate knowing what you're doing and I don't think Patton does know how he's coming across

- First I wanna just point out, as a few others have, that Thomas is once again wearing black and white while discussing a grey-area issue. I love the attention to detail

- The recap only really highlights that Thomas admitted to wanting something that contradicted Patton's statement of why he's a good person (or more specifically "perfect", which, as nice and friendly and lovely as that sounds, is a toxic mindset and I like that Thomas touched on that at the end), which is an interesting point to cover honestly, especially since later Thomas challenges Patton to call him a good person

- "Now kiddo, if you're gonna dish out Fs, why don't we make them friendly hugs?" I understand Patton was trying to lighten the mood and joke a little and all that, but he's not letting Thomas just... Be angry/upset. He's trying to control how he feels and steer away from negative emotions, which I thought he learned not to do??

- I love that Patton heard what he was saying and stopped. Good on him. But what he replaced it with is called guilt tripping and that's not much better. "I'm surprised you would say something like that about your friends. I always thought that when it came to your pals, that sort of language would be... Ineffable?" It may sound gentle and sweet, but he's still saying "you can't talk about your friends like that" (and I get it, we all know that's not how Thomas really feels, but again he needs to be allowed to express himself). You can tell from Thomas's face while Patton's talking that the guilt tripping worked, at least for a moment.

- Anyone else notice a little Logan shining through in Thomas's words/actions the first portion of the video?

- "If our goals aligned with his what would that say?" Uhmmm gee lemme think Roman... Maybe that you care about Thomas's mental health and desires???

- I think it's very telling that during the rap Thomas cuts Patton off right before he's about to say something that, judging from the graphics, was going to make him sound heroic and said "I made this choice", while looking very... Upset.

- Okay so when Thomas was all "why didn't I just talk to them???" I felt hella vindicated but the second time I watched I finally heard Roman say "I mean I kinda brought that up before but it got shut down faster than an Antarctic icepop shop". Like... Fuck, they seriously do not appreciate or listen to Roman at all

- Patton brushing them off with "Eh well hindsight is 20/20" pissed me off so much. No empathy whatsoever. Jesus Christ.

- Roman's reaction when Thomas said no to the whole future vision thing made me laugh and no one is talking about it

- But yeah Thomas talking about using foresight has a total Logan Vibe

- Patton's reaction when Thomas says "I made a decision with a blindfold on" is... Interesting...

- Seriously that cat analogy was so specific.....

- One should never base their decisions on "well they've helped me before so I owe them" like. No. Patton, Roman, stop. He should have decided to go because he wanted to, not because he owed it to them or you made him feel like shit

- "Those baby-making Catholics" lmfaooooo

- "You, thinking about giving their wedding a pass all because of a callback that, really, might not work out". That bugged me too, because it can just as easily be argued he gave up his big break for a wedding he barely participated during. If we're being completely logical here (and borrowing from a later concept of how our time is better used), his time would have been better-spent at the callback since he wasn't even mentally present at the wedding

- "Maybe they understand, and maybe they still want you to go to the wedding but feel too guilty to say so. Or, maybe you end up going to the wedding, and they feel guilty seeing you there because they feel like they took a big opportunity away from you". First off, they did (or would have, had the conversation taken place and they insisted he come). Secondly I personally feel like he owed it to them (and yes, I'm aware how that sounds but I can't think of better phrasing) to talk about it with 100% honesty on both sides, because now he's angry that he went to their wedding and they have no idea. Sure, the vid ends with them coming over to catch up, but if it hadn't? That's the kind of shit that festers very easily. I feel like he'd have been more satisfied if he had still decided to go after talking with them. I think Thomas realizes this too when he responds to Roman's question with a very sure, very adamant "No."

- "This was our chance to be there for them when it counted". I know this is me reading into things but it felt like he was saying anything else he may have done for them doesn't matter or isn't good enough

- "Why does their complexion matter" LMFAOOOOOO omg roman

- "... We can all agree that you're a good fellow-" "Can we? All agree on that?" Like fuck, Thomas still isn't sure what Patton thinks of him? That cuts deep. And... Patton still hasn't apologized. He conceeded that he's "been a bit much", which is far from the same thing

- pfffft what the fuck was Roman trying to do???

- "Well that's a relief... I think". Meaning Thomas still isn't fucking sure where Patton stands. I have to admit his dialogue did sound a bit circuitous

- he almost said GameStop lmfao

- why is he fixating so much on frogger

- "At least 16 graphics!" I died laughing

- "By the liquid lipstick of William Shakespeare" wut the fue? Lmao

- "just like you don't have to get him a hotdog" "I feel like you kinda do... Maybe". I know Janus says it later on but he was right when he said peppering in a few "I don't know"s and "maybe"s does not a conversationally-conscious person make. Like, he didn't even add the maybe until Roman reacted negatively to what he was saying

- I'm surprised Logan said it'd be wrong for Thomas to keep his money to himself tbh

- Roman mouthing "behoove". Like, c'mon dude, stop being such a dick to Logan when he's just trying to help

- Logan's so done he's not even trying to hide it. Like you can see the annoyance clear on his little pixelated face

- Also did anyone notice that Logan kept getting cut off so the next time he "spoke" he made them read it aloud so they'd actually fucking listen

- "Yeah! As long as that's not the main reason you're doing it!" Honestly though, most people do good things for their own benefit; tax benefits, That Good Feeling, compliments from others etc. It doesn't diminish the effect of the good act, so who cares?????

- "You shouldn't do a good thing just because it makes you feel good... I-I think." He's trying so hard but he's just not understanding how this works is he. Also it's interesting that he preaches holding to your values and not nitpicking situations yet he's literally doing it right now because last time he just... Needed to counter Janus and couldn't admit he'd had a fair point

- "Deceit said you'd be doing the right thing for a selfish reason if you did it for your own emotional gain". You can tell by his tone he's trying to make Thomas see Deceit as wrong and bad but like literally two seconds later he audibly confirms he feels the same way

"Definitely! Maybe... I think so... What do you think?" Tbh I'm proud of him for asking someone else's opinion, esp cause he's screwing this up so horrendously

- man if Roman being scared to share his opinion after Patton visibly disagrees isn't a huge red flag idk what is

- the world of the video game is called AU I'm screaming

- I'll always be salty that Roman once again shoved a "dark side" into the villain roll without asking

- I don't agree with Patton automatically assuming that just because the hero wants a reward, it means he doesn't care about the people he saves getting it. People can have multiple motives and wanting recognition isn't bad or evil or selfish

- I'm so fucking glad Thomas snapped and asked "am I not allowed to feel good if I do something good" because that's basically what Patton's saying and no one was addressing it. And Patton saying that can't be a valid motive is honestly fucked up

- during the trolley problem the options toggle the most between morality, anxiety, and denial. Idk, it's just interesting

- it's also interesting that Patton views moving the trolley as worse than letting it stay, meaning he thinks small active murder is worse than larger, passive murder. Not bad or good or anything, just interesting

- I hate hate hate that Patton silences Logan when he's the one who asked him to say something, especially since he follows that with "oh you can't really learn good morality from a book hahahaha". Like dude just acknowledge that you don't agree but there are other valid points of view, my god

- also you can tell from the color that Janus totally put that skip button in, meaning Logan really, really wanted to continue but Janus could see it wasn't going to get them where they needed to go

- "stu-ooper dooper unique mustache" lmfaooooo

- Thomas keeps coming back with something along the lines of "I need the answer to X so I can meet your expectations". He even says "I don't understand what I need to change so I can meet your standard". Last time I did a post like this, back when SvS came out, I said Patton has too much sway/control over Thomas, and he still does. Thomas doesn't try nearly as hard to "meet the standards" of his other sides, but in this instance he's desperate to know how he can appease Patton. I don't think that's necessarily a good thing, given that it's likely because he wants Patton to say without hesitation that he's a good person

- Roman thinks he's the problem I wanna cry

- "And I'm an awful driver" I laughed so hard

- "I only mean well when I say that that is the stupidest thing you have ever said" I can't stop laughing XD

- "You're just blowing smoke" seriously someone help me

- Roman's reaction when Thomas says he feels guilty just killed me. They all just acknowledged that Roman is his motivator and Thomas comes out and says his motives make him feel guilty? Ouch

- "Doing nothing is even worse!" Patton honey I'm begging you to please stop talking omg this is going so poorly

- "doing nothing is worse than doing a good thing for the wrong reasons" first off, who's to say what a wrong reason is, and secondly, that's an interesting take from the man who refused to move the trolley 👀

- oooof Thomas's relief when Logan cuts in though

- "Huuuuuhhhh I do need help" fuck, I wanna cry, poor Thomas

- "Logan, like you said this isn't your area of expertise" ITS NOT YOURS EITHER ROMAN OMG

- "Every point you've made in today's discussion has contradicted that sentiment" YES LOGAN JANUS SLAY. Also anyone else notice Patton looking to the others for validation because I Sure Did

- oh man though I thought Logan was finally getting the chance to lay into Patton and take him down a peg and it turned out to be Janus

- "Oh, is it not? Please, correct me if I'm wrong." yeah paTTON CORRECT HIM IF HES WRONG (notice how he doesn't even have an argument to that, all he can say is "you're wrong!")

- honestly the way he goes from 0 to 60 should've tipped us off that that was Janus

- I wanna know if Patton turned into a muscular frog irl

- idk Patton feels like a villain when he's all "Thomas you choose!"

- "What have you done with Logan?!" "Nothing at all and I resent the question" weeeeeelp there goes loceit

- even Janus admits Patton is misleading unintentionally can we all calm down now

- I find it interesting that Thomas willingly stays behind Janus

- "Sure if he's in that kind of situation then of course he should focus on himself. But does he deserve it? I don't know." *Record scratch* excuse me wHAT?????? And like, you can't ignore the obvious symbolism behind that attack missing Janus and hitting Thomas. Thomas is knocked out and Patton just ... Keeps talking? Jesus fucking christ

- and Roman so adamantly attacking Janus has a very pre-AA vibe to it

- "Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed, and I don't want to talk about it." Thomas looks like the only one genuinely concerned when he says this and that hurts

- Janus looks so happy that Logan's backing him I wanna cry my baby aaaaaaa

- SOMEONE FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGED THE CHOICE ROMAN MADE AAAAAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU can we stop acting like Janus is evil now please

- "Well when is it enough?!" ".... Trees?" I'm STILL LAUGHING SOMEONE HELP ME

- I'm so fucking happy Thomas doesn't agree with Roman about trusting Janus

- Roman laughing and saying Janus's name is stupid and Janus's jab about him and Remus just... Gutted me y'all. Thems some hurt boys. And he looks to Thomas and Patton and they just... Can't side with him, cause they know that was hella fucking rude of Roman.

- I genuinely believe that Janus's nod meant Thomas was telling the truth. Based on his facial expression (which was slight but idk I notice more stuff than most people apparently???) He was trying to reassure Roman. And Roman just... Took it the completely wrong way, because he still thinks all Janus does is lie. When Roman says "wow, I can't believe this" you can actually see Janus's smile disappearing, because he realizes Roman took the nod the wrong way

- aaaaand then he immediately goes into attacking Janus. *Sigh*

- "Everything's gonna be okay, kiddo. We love you." "*Scoff* Right." I truly believe the next video is gonna be about Roman, because there's no way in hell they could ignore the obvious hurt and self-deprecation coming off of Roman

- "Janus? Is there a limit to how many times a person can say sorry before you have to admit that they're just bad for you?" Patton was talking about himself. Whether Janus was trying too hard to be witty and missed that or what, his reply hurt Patton, and you can see that Janus realizes his mistake with Patton's reaction. We have to remember that this isn't a side who's used to how the others communicate, though. He doesn't spend time with them outside of the few videos he's shown up in because of how they treat him. It's gonna take him time to get the little things like this and until then there's gonna be a lot of hurt feelings and (hopefully) apologies

- Janus immediately backtracks once he realizes what the real question was and says "... it depends... How many things have they had to apologize for? How frequently do they have to apologize for things? How terrible were the things that they did? One of the biggest factors in my very humble opinion is whether or not they seem to be making an honest effort to do better" this is Janus trying to tell Patton "you aren't bad for Thomas. I see how hard you're trying. It's okay"

- you can totally see Janus realizing why Patton fights him so hard while Patton is explaining how hard shit's gotten as Thomas grows up

- "Janus?" "I'll take care of him" y'all I need the tissues

- Janus trying to lighten the mood with the whole push-someone-down-the-stairs thing just... Made me die laughing. Y'all know he's hella good at April fool's pranks okay? Okay

- "You're not stuck with an evil snake boy, you're just stuck with a snake boy" HES SUCH A DORK I LOVE HIM

- I reacted the exact same way to Thomas saying Janus was right omg

Again, I'm not saying I hate any of the characters, this is just a stream-of-consciousness analysis-and-commentary-type post on the new episode

#sanders sides #ts spoilers

[affectionatehannibal]

Bill Denbrough is a story-teller.

Need somebody to tell you what happened on last night’s showing of Saturday Night Live? Richie Tozier’ll do the job just fine, sure, but if you find him chances are good you’ll find Denbrough too, and he’ll make you feel as though you’re in the audience, staring right at the actors and actresses themselves. Didn’t feel like reading a book, but have to turn in an essay about it in an hour? Bill won’t write the essay for you, but he’ll tell the story as though he lived it himself and make it come alive clearer than any movie or SparkNotes article ever could. Words are both his home and weapon of choice- they are where he goes to rest and what he uses to look the world squarely in the eye, accept it for the shit-show it is, and continue on. It is because of all this, and because of their love and reverence for him, that Richie and Stan so easily believe his story about Georgie’s reappearance. And it is because of this that Bill manages to convince both of them to spend their Saturday locked inside the Derry City Library, scouring book after book for an explanation to their situation.

The table they’ve occupied for the better part of two hours now is completely filled with books. There are some on psychology and mental health, others on poltergeists and demons, ESP and clairvoyance, ley-lines, mediums, spirits, psychics, religions of all kinds, and all other things paranormal or strange. Every now and then, Stan looks up from his notes and glares at the mess before him, as though willing it to disappear. His side of the table is neatly arranged, with a hefty stack of books on his left and pages of notes on his right. Periodically, Richie stands up quietly and takes a stroll through the shelves, shaking excess energy out through his hands and making idle chatter with disgruntled library-goers who would much rather be left alone. His side of the table is busy but not particularly messy, with a few books open at once and a page filled with messy handwriting and scribbled doodles sitting off to the side. Every few minutes, Bill glances to his right to see how Georgie is fairing in their new surroundings and his stomach drops, like he’s seeing his dead brother’s figure for the first time. His side of the table is empty save for one book, opened to one of the earlier pages, his chair angled as far to the left as possible.

All three (living) boys jump as a large pile of books are dropped on the table. Mr. Cunningham, Derry’s only librarian, dusts his hands off and sighs. He stares daggers at the dozens of books already scattered across the table, imagining all the shelving he’ll be doing once the boys leave. Stan coughs to grab his attention and offers a slow, easy smile. “Thanks a lot, Mr. Cunningham. We really appreciate your help.”

Mr. Cunningham smiles back, previous displeasure forgotten. Bill and Richie share a glance, and Bill doesn’t try to hide his grin when Richie sticks a finger down his throat. If Bill’s talent is storying telling, Stan’s is kiss-assery. “My pleasure, Mr. Uris. Let me know if you need anything else,” he turns to Bill and Richie. Richie opens his mouth to say something, but Bill gives his foot a good warning kick before anything can come out. “You boys make sure to clean up after yourselves.”

Richie, lounging in the chair on Bill’s other side, pretends to shoot the librarian with double finger guns as he walks away. “God,” he groans. “Why do adults always look at you like they want you to suck their dicks?”

Stan smirks as he sorts through the new books, distributing an even amount to each of them. “Someone should warn them they’ll have to get in line.”

“Wowza wowza,” Richie grins. “Who gets to go first, me or Billy boy here?”

Stan absentmindedly flips through the pages of a book. “Who said you would be taking turns?”

Richie considers that for a moment. He leans forward in his seat, his eyes following Stan’s long, graceful fingers as they turn page after page. His face turns a splotchy, excited red, like he wishes Stan’s fingers were busy doing something else. He coughs. “Is it weird to get a hard-on in a library?”

Stanley doesn’t look up as he neatly writes something onto a sheet of paper. “No. I’m sure Mr. Cunningham will be very flattered to know you think so much of him.”

Bill clears his throat.

“Sorry,” Stan offers Bill a small, guilty smile. He shoots a glare in Richie’s direction. “Let’s get back to work.”

“Wuh-wuh-well,” Bill starts, looking down at the single book in front of him. He’d picked it from the pile on a whim, its plain, weathered cover certainly not making it the most interesting book of the bunch. Nonetheless, the first page had caught his attention and managed to hold it for a good two hours. He places it in the middle of the table, and Richie and Stan lean forward to get a better look at it. “I duh-duh-duh-oh-oh-n’t think w-w-we n-need to luh-luh-ook a-anymore.”

Stan raises an eyebrow. “This is a book about ghosts, Bill.”

“Har de har har,” Richie mimes a laugh, but his face is pale. “That’s real funny, Denbrough. You know, I’m pretty sure I saw the ghost of Stan’s virginity in the back of my mom’s Honda Accord. Should we be worrying about that, too, ‘cause I think the warranty is about to-”

“Wuh-wuh-why,” Bill interrupts.“d-did we even geh-geh-get b-books about th-th-this sah-sah-stuff if you guh-guys th-think it’s suh-suh-something eh-eh-else?”

Stan looks at Bill, eyes full of pity and exhaustion. “Come on. You can’t really think George-, a ghost is following you around.”

“Wuh-wuh-ood y-you rather him b-be here b-b-because of Pah-Pah-Pah-Pah-”

“Uh,” now it’s Richie’s turn to interrupt. “I’d like to take a minute to remind the audience that we killed that son of a bitch, like, a long time ago.

Stan slowly sits back in his seat, staring off into the distance, past Richie’s head. He shudders, like he sees something there that has no resemblance to the quiet rows of books that surround them. “We don’t know for sure he’s dead.”

Richie lets out a strangled laugh. His face is a sickly white, like he’s going to need to know the quickest way to the bathroom in a minute or two. “Do you remember what he looked like before he fell down that stinkin’ hole in the earth? If that motherfucker’s alive, I’m-”

“S-s-so you th-think it’s a guh-guh-ghost, t-too?”

Richie frowns. “Now, listen, I never said that.”

“Th-th-then wuh-wuh- what ?”

“I mean,” Richie shifts anxiously in his seat. He places two of his books in the middle of the table, on top of Bill’s and flips through them for a moment, looking for specific pages. “take a look at this. It could be somethin’ like high levels of mold in your house or, hell, I don’t know, stress-induced hallucinations or some shit. But it’s not ghosts and it’s not the fucking clown.”

“I’m nuh-nuh-nuh-not kuh-kuh-razy.”

“That’s not what he’s saying, Bill.” Stan takes one of Richie’s books, eyes scanning it hopefully.

“Of course not,” Richie worriedly runs a hand through his hair. It falls over his eyes and, for a moment, he looks just like he did five years ago. Scared and small and not at all ready to face the ugly truth that lives under Derry. He takes a deep, steadying breath, and the resemblance is gone.“I just- if it is a ghost, and I’m not saying I think it is, what next? We get a cool van and a talking dog, buy Bev a purple dress and call ourselves the Mystery Gang?”

Bill sits up straight in his chair and puts on the face he used to get them all to follow him into Neibolt all those years ago. “Wuh-wuh-we’re nah-nah-not t-telling th-the uh-uh-others about Juh-Juh-Georgie.”

Stan and Richie stare at Bill for a moment, eyes wide with shock (in Richie’s case) and frustration (in Stan’s). Stan closes his eyes and rubs his temples.

Richie’s shock quickly simmers into hurt and quiet indignation. Bill might be the leader of this operation, but they were a team of seven members, no matter what. “Now, wait just a minute-”

A small, quiet cough from the end of the table reminds the three of them that they are not alone. They aren’t in the clubhouse or the Barrens, or even crammed together, knees overlapping, on Bill’s bed. They’re just three boys with voices that are filled with too much fear and unspoken anger for a library, speaking too loudly about things better discussed in private.

They looked up to see a girl, about their age, glancing uncomfortably at each of their faces. For a moment, Bill thinks she stares right past him, right at Georgie, but then her eyes reach Stan’s and her face visibly brightens, like she’s found a lifeboat amongst a storm of angsty teenagers and sad, invisible, dead boys. “Stan! Sorry. For interrupting, I mean. I just, uh. Do you guys have,” she holds out a tiny slip of paper to Stan. “that?”

Stan takes a deep breath, pushing down the stress and worry their conversation had created enough to force his mouth into a tight smile. “I don’t think so,” he stands, eager to leave. “I can help you look for it though, if you want.”

Relief floods her face. “Would you really?”

“Of course,” Stan turns to face Richie and Bill. He opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it again. He shoots them both a frustrated glare. “I’ll be back.”

Richie slumps in his chair and watches Stan and the girl walk away. He can tell by the tightness in Stan’s shoulders that he hasn’t forgotten what they’ve been talking about, but his face is light and he says something that makes the girl laugh. A few steps later they’re out of sight and Richie slumps even further down into his chair, so that Bill can only see the top of his head. “Who was that?”

Bill crosses his arms on the table and puts his head down on top of them. Georgie watches him do so. “S-s-some new guh-guh-irl in one of S-s-stan’s c-c-classes. Puh-puh-atty, I th-think.”

Richie glares moodily at his corner of the table. Fucking ghosts, messing everything up. Fucking clowns. Fucking Derry. He waits for his stomach to calm down before speaking again. “This fucking sucks, man.”

Bill glances at Georgie and fights the urge to cry. “T-t-tell muh-muh-me a-about it.”

#u know what to do :') #stozier #bichie #stenbrough #stenbrozier #stanpat #richie tozier #bill denbrough #stan uris #patricia blum #georgie denbrough #it #poly losers #mine

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

*clears throat* *pulls up powerpoint* *shuffles speaker notes*

okay kids strap in this is gonna be long probably. im gonna add a read more so hopefully that works, otherwise i am,,so sorry,,

w that lets begin

so. lets start w the basics

season 1: didnt like him. really didnt like him. i have Issues w suicide as a topic in general so when he baited midoriya he lost any fondness i couldve had towards him. then his actions durnig the battle training? hes a fcukin maniac. but i enjoyed learning more abt him as a character so whatever. i thought his confrontation w midoriya in the aftermath of that was,,interesting

season 2: still dont like him, but his eventual coming arnd during the final exam made me more open to him. also sports festival was,,,interesting, ig. i thought it was interesting how he wouldnt accept the win; if he was the same character he was in season 1, he wouldve taken it, i feel like. but he didnt. so hey, growth smwh

season 3: i thought i didnt like him, but then he got kidnapped and i got a case of the shakes(tm) until he was rescued. i rlly vibed w midoriya screaming and crying while he was kidnapped. cut to the provis license exam:

(excuse my crying abt aoyama lmao)(and also the fact that i used to call bakugou “bakugon” yes i know thats not his name yes i did that bc i didnt like him and i think im funny as shit). then,,,the scene. kacchan v. deku 2. uhh i was vibing w him honestly. hes a mood,,,regrettably,,,until he beat midoriya at least

season 4 (so far): pls stop yelling, regrettably relatable gremlin

now lets dive into what all that means huh

i dislike bakugou for the following reasons.

- suicide-baited midoriya. not only that, but he tormented him for years simply because he couldn’t get over his own private feelings; midoriya did nothing to deserve his scorn. literally nothing.

- beyond even that, is still a prick to most everyone he meets; he’s short and irritated and won’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt (at least not as first). 

- even now, he still has issues giving respect or even just being decent to both people he knows and people he doesn’t.

- speaking of, he has never ever apologized for his previous actions. not even after he finds out he’s wrong (like when midoriya tells him he never, ever, looked down on him). he hasnt even really apologized via action rather than words if you wanna try that route with me. he might be better than he was, but he refuses to acknowledge that he was ever wrong in the first place and thats not functional

- hes so focused on “winning” as a concept. it doesnt matter if youre supposed to be an ally to him; if he perceives you as being in his way, he’ll do his damnedest to fucking destroy you. he has few genuinely heroic qualities (not to say he has few good qualities, just few heroic ones); hes just strong and determined, but he’s a case study of how those qualities can be twisted as all fucking hell

- hes so proud. he is s o fucking proud. he has such an issue with pride that i cant fucking handle it sometimes man

i like bakugou for the following reasons.

- he has grown. he might not have said anything to anyone about it, but he has grown as a person since the series started

- he does have morals and he sticks to them. they might be basic things such as “dont be a villain” but theyre. something and he stands by them. hes not a slimy snake is what im saying

- hes funny. when he isnt actively bringing others down, i actually enjoy the screentime he has, bc its really funny, esp when he’s interacting w his friends and theyre having visible fun messing arnd w him

- this particular reason is hard to phrase so let me just. try and word vomit it correctly. i didnt expect him to be capable of blaming himself for smth like all might’s retirement. but he was and i,,,it adds layers to his character that i appreciate a lot. so its not that i like that he feels guilty abt it, but what it means for his character

- his interactions with kirishima. its proof that he’s learning how to be better, slowly but surely, and how to care about others properly. its sweet, genuinely and wholeheartedly

- hes not always rewarded by the narrative, and that makes him much more human to me, which i really appreciate. the biggest example i can think of is that he didn’t pass his provisional license exam on the first try. i think he’s gonna have a low point eventually, but hopefully, from there, he tries to build his way out into a better life as a better person

yeah

its just...very complex. he reminds me of myself, or at least a person i used to be. he actually reminds me of a couple combinations of ppl i used to be; just like bakugou, ive had smth similar to both a superiority and an inferiority complex in the past so its djkfjkdjnk,,,regrettably relateable,,,,,,not at the same time like he does but yknow the feeligns and how they clash are still there

but yeah. its bc he reminds me of myself i both hate him and like him.

like he reminds me of aspects abt myself i h a t e. i have issues w pride, i used to be a huge jerk (not to the degree he was, thank god, but i have a conscious now so when im reminded of how i used to be in like elementary school, i feel ashamed and since bakugou hasnt fucking,,,acknowledged,,the abuse he put midoriya through yet,,i get angry with him)

and the one guilt episode we saw him have reminded me of a very dark time in my life (2016) and its just. oh no. so thats where the anger fizzles out because i cant hate that more than i just feel pity abt it

in contrast, its bc he reminds me of things i hate abt myself that i have high hopes for him. i crawled out of the hole i was in; i made it through the stages of being a prick and then being thrust into a guilt-induced depression. im certainly not a good person, but im much better than i was

so just,,im already proof that ppl can change, but,,,,if i had a character to cling to when doubt came creeping in, i think that wouldve be great. i know im not the only one that feels like this. if bakugou can make the right turnaround, i think he could mean a lot to a bunch of people, me included

obviously the turnaround would have to be done right (and he better fucking beg for midoriya’s forgiveness) but i have hope that it can be

he has a long way to go, both in action and in word. but i am hopeful for his development. he reminds me of many things i hate about myself, but also to push on despite those things. my feelings about him are complicated due to that

yea. heres my book report sir djknkjnsknfjkn

#idk if this is very coherent but oh well #i love him i hate him i have such high hopes for him- #jkdjkd #c makes a word #textpost #bakugo katsuki

[01010010-posts]

abo anon. i saw your response to my rough play ask &... imagine 69ing with omega connor. he's on top, hands bound w rope behind his back, mouth knotted as his alpha continues to eat him outas he writhes, holding his hips tightly & spanking him cuz he's overstimulated & moving his hips a bunch, moaning around his alphas cock. when it's finally over he's still moaning from all the praises as alpha wraps him in a blanket & kisses his bright blue face.

AHHH sorry for the late reply!!!first of all yes, absolutely yes??? how the fuck do you even think these things im crying,,,, i bet you would be super good at writing them!!! you should try it!!connor with his hands behind his back, tied by a rope, squirming, because he both hates and loves being restricted like this, his mouth completely filled, the sensors on his tongue going into override, his body at the mercy of his alpha, who doesn’t wait on his omega to adjust but continues to stimulate him, their tongue moving, their fingers gently caressing connor before striking again and spanking him, leaving a visible mark on his skin. the same that’s weirdly blue on his face, around his nose and under his eyes. he can’t help but be overwhelmed by all these sensations. he might overheat a bit. and by a bit i mean a lot. and by a lot i mean he’d gladly faint from the pleasure. AND the praises dont get me started on the praises. he’s feels drunk whenever you praise him!!! giggly connor that adores being praised, esp during sex!who wouldnt honestly *clap handsx4*i dont have anything to add to this ask bc it’s perfect already if not that im fucking guilty of making omega connor such a sub because im wEAK why cant i peg android boys,,,,!!!!!! :’(((i love this sm mdk.djkdjdkjlj60 would prob have a hard time bc he’s him ok but if he’s feeling more angry/jealous than insecure then gosh,,,, he would *drag* his alpha somewhere close and private and pout. he’d stare at them for a long time, not saying anything, his shoe probably tapping nervously on the ground. they’d have to figure it out themselves. which, they do, because they know 60, they know what’s gotten into that tiny head of his. and so they apologise, kissing, cuddling, pulling him near, hugging him. but that’s just sufficient to calm him down and reassure him. of course it’s not enough. he needs to be teased too. to let him know that his alpha learned a lesson. and he’d probably take control of the situation, kindly, but still control. he’d make his alpha beg. and yes, they would def reek of each other’s scent. everyone needs to know!!connor would repress his jealousy because come on it’s a stupid emotion to feel of everything he could. he shouldn’t even think about it. and yet. yet he’s there, his mind clouded, his eyes roaming the room, looking at you, secretly playing with his coin in the pocket of his jacket…. GOD. he can’t do this anymore. he asks to speak with you in private and as soon as you’re alone he regrets his decision why did he do it oh no no no now you’re gonna laugh at him for being so stupid, for being so jealous, jealousy is bad right? but he cant help it. it’s stronger than him. so he just,,,, lowers his head like a guilty puppy, muttering something inaudible and you coax him into repeating it again and again until it’s actually sounds and then letters and then words you can understand. and you don’t like what you understand. you didnt mean to make him doubt himself. you sigh, sweetly cuddling him, biting his neck, leaving splattered marks here and there, not bothering to stop this ritual that has him gasping ever so slightly, there’s plenty of time to talk about this at home, in the moment there’s just him and only him, his need to be gratified, to be told ‘good boy’ and ‘i love you’, to be reaffirmed as your lover, as enough. he’s so enticing you can’t help yourself either. he looks embarrassed but happy at the same time when he returns to his workplace before you, to not be suspicious, though his and your scents mixed together don’t leave much to the imagination for others.RK900 mhh. he’s possessive allright. but he’s also quick to get annoyed and that’s maybe one of his biggest flaws. not to mention that’s he’s vvvv needy in this AU. he might either not even give the other omega the chance to approach his alpha (have you seen this boy? he’s fucking huge, he’d scare anyone in a heartbeat) or let them do whatever they want just to sulk later, be nervous and have this distressed scent & aura around him. of course he wouldnt tell anything to his alpha. not because he wants them to get it as 60 or something like this. he’s just. a bit sad. he knows he’s an android and it often hits him. and when it does he’s…. really at loss for words and reactions. he’s apathetic. so it’d probably be his alpha having enough of their distressed omega and acting kinda brash, taking him somewhere quiet. he’d get more nervous and with a 100% probability he’d retort in a bad manner at the ‘what’s wrong?’ of his alpha. and he’d try to get away with it. to just wait for the sour mood to pass (though he knows it won’t pass, not like he can forget or anything like humans do). BUT his alpha feels guilty af, they def pushed him and did the wrong thing. so they grab his hands and ask him to stay. at least a little. he doesn’t move, letting you do whatever you want, he’s tired already. he only needs his nest. so you bit your lips and apologise to him, comforting him, not leaving even a doubt in his mind, he’s the one, he’s the only person you want, yes, he’s a person. not an android, not an omega. a person. your person. he’d probably want you to hug him for a solid minute, inhaling your soothing scent, taking deep breathes, ingraining in his wires that you’re there and you’re his. and everything will be this way forever. he’d linger his tongue on the bite mark he did on your skin, wanting to remind both of you that you’re soulmates. partners. mates. doesn’t matter the name, the only thing that matters is you two. it would definitely evolve into something more, needy as always, but this time with him wanting you to feel a bit bitter, a bit like he does whenever someone is too flirty with you. whenever you don’t smell like him in every part of your body. which, after he finishes with you, wouldn’t be possible.AHHH??? thank you baby?? this means a lot bc jdkjdlkjd i hated that thing, i posted it and wanted to forget about it. but maybe re-reading it after some days it’s not super bad. if you like it then that’s the most important thing!! it was thanks to you after all!! tho im a bit sad that i lost the purpose of it halfway through, think it kinda shows. i could def have done better ugh!! or maybe im not cut for writing sexy things who knows!!!! (as i was typing this i lost this whole answer for a moment and started to cry and shake, fortunately i got it back)FUCK?? YES?? MHH??he promised!!!! now he has to obey his alpha n be good and actually get off from his little friend down there. and boy he does. he still has to try 4 out of 4 speed. he’ll,,,, cum sm. dirty. AHAHAH his voice box goes hoarse for a sec, thank god he’s an advanced model and quick to disable it because he was this close to let everyone hear. which, ironically, turns him on like there’s no tomorrow. does anyone even work at the DPD or they just all have sex there?

#DBH #dbh abo #dbh a/b/o #dbh omegaverse

[elflady]

I’ve never seen a different production of angels other than bits of nt live and I saw the broadway revival twice. I’ve seen clips of the original and some of the miniseries. I’m curious whether you think it was James’s performance specifically that humanized Louis more. I felt like it took me seeing it twice to actually honestly love Louis with all his flaws (I loved him briefly the first time then kind of hated him bc I felt I had to due to his actions) anyway do you feel like james (1/?)

played him more sympathetic than others or it’s the actual experience of seeing Louis on stage crying through his lines. You mentioned you had a lot more sympathy for him esp in the fuck you im a prophet scene after seeing it live than just reading it. Not sure how coherent this is I just want to talk about angels forever (2/2)

See, I’m not sure if it was more me or James, because something that really impacts my experience of the play is the fact that I was still just a kid when I first saw and read Angels in America... I was in 8th grade, so around 13 years old I believe... and so, basically, it was just more than I could comprehend at the time, just the fact of the matter is you generally have more simplistic interpretations of things at age 13, and over the years I think I did build a more nuanced understanding of the play, but at that time my instinct was “Louis is a despicable human and I hate him” and I stuck with that. Sure, I loved some of his dialogue and his scenes, and I did enjoy watching him as a character, and I especially did love his early scenes with Prior, but my interpretation of him was firmly rooted in that immediate disdain for him.

I remember watching the HBO series with my college friends in 2016-2017 (so I was 21), and having some more sympathy for Louis than I had previously, and seeing some aspects of his character I hadn’t before, but still I had held onto that total hatred for him for so long, my view of him was still mostly entrenched in that. Like I remember my friend saying she loved Louis and Joe and me being like “WHAT THE FUCK?????!!!!!!!!!”

Fast forward to February 2018, seeing James in previews, and just being blown away by how my instinct wasn’t to hate him... perhaps part of that was seeing him as a literal actual living and breathing and crying human being, perhaps part was James’ performance, which I think just... he made so clear why he was doing all of the shitty things he was doing, and I could see people I knew in him, and I could clearly see his motivations, and HIS LOVE FOR PRIOR!!!! THAT IS SO SO SO KEY!!!!! Because Louis is such a self-absorbed person, and the text doesn’t really give much of him actually caring for Prior, it’s easy to just read him as only caring about himself, especially when you add in his relationship with Joe and how he doesn’t even care enough to ask about his life. But then James just... SO VISIBLY WORSHIPS PRIOR AND WANTS HIM TO BE OKAY AND JUST WANTS HIM!!!! That for me it just... made me really fall into his perspective for the first time... maybe because I love Prior so much and always have, so I was able to understand him from that part of him... To put it simply, it’s not so much that he’s just like “ewww bodies and death and shit and blood and abscesses I don’t want to have to deal with this it’s too hard” it’s more like “Prior’s beautiful body is full of death and shit and blood and abscesses and that is so wrong and I cannot handle that and if I have to watch him die I too am going to die” which is still very selfish, but for me so much more understandable and less completely... despicable.

Another aspect I think James really played up was how much he was missing Prior when he was away from him, like there is some stuff there in the text but it’s very sparse, and often I think can read as more like self-hatred, like “oh I should wish I was with Prior but really I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that” but instead you could really see how torn up James was, in that he wanted to be with Prior but he really physically could not bring himself to see him on death’s door... I think @tomwingfields told me he saw James’ Louis as being so pitiful, which initially made him dislike him, but for me I think that really made me actually feel for him more... his fits of weeping and just generally seeming always to be on the verge of a meltdown, it made me believe that truly being away from Prior was viscerally painful for him, and not just because he thought it should be painful. Like, he still brought out that “it’s like the idea of love when you do it” aspect of Louis, but at the same time... you still knew he actually did love Prior and not just the idea of Prior...

But yeah, I think overall, for some people they instantly feel for him, perhaps because they really identify with him ahem @godlessondheimite, but for others it takes some time to overcome the initial hatred of the awful things he does, to actually sympathizing with him despite the flaws, like you said it took you seeing it twice to feel for him.

Also, perhaps just as important as Louis truly loving Prior was how much Andrew’s Prior loves Louis!!!! Because it can be so hard to see “why does Prior even care what Louis does, he’s obviously the worst human and not a good partner and how could such an amazing and strong person like Prior be with Louis for so long???” but then Andrew’s Prior comes along and is so obviously in love with Louis, and that makes it easier to like Louis yourself, because if Prior loves him there must be a reason!!! Though obviously, sometimes there’s not, love makes no sense, etc. etc. But I think that really helped make me love Louis too, and see him as more of a real person, because Andrew seemed to love him as a real person too, even after all of his awfulness you can see they are still drawn to each other, he’s still jealous of Joe, he still agrees to meet Louis in the fuck you I’m a prophet scene, even though he obviously knows it’s a horrible idea!!!! And he’s even willing to hear him give reasons to come back!!! Which is so heartbreaking!!!! Like, before I always thought “it must be so so lonely to wait to die in bed alone,” but in their version of this scene it’s so obvious that Prior really actually wants Louis beside him, even after rejecting him in the hospital scene!!!!

And even though later, when he realizes he doesn’t need Louis with him, and tells him he can’t come back... even then, you can see how much they still love each other in such a real way... IT JUST BREAKS MY HEART!!!! AND I FEEL FOR BOTH OF THEM!!!! AND THEN!!! In the EPILOGUE!!!! They both are still looking at each other with such adoration... that just... is the icing on the cake!!!! Even after not being together for 5 years, they still love each other so much!!!! And that, I can relate to!!!! And that makes me love Louis!!!! Because even though they didn’t turn back to what they had before and Prior didn’t miraculously get better and Louis didn’t get what he wanted and the world didn’t turn back into his set way of seeing things, he’s still standing by Prior!!! And adoring him!!!!

Oh man, this is so incoherent, sorry!!! I don’t think I fully articulated all of him opinions on this, but I feel I will probably make many more posts on this topic... especially in my notes from the final performances! Which I’m working on!

#angels in america #angels revival #aia #about me #asks #louis ironson #Anonymous

[shirtlesssammy]

3x02: The Kids Are Alright

Then:

Dean’s going to hell, guys!

Now:

In Cicero, Indiana, a divorced suburban mom anxiously waits the return of her daughter. It’s the girl’s night to spend with her dad, but upon her return she pleads with her mom to never go back. It’s scary and there are monsters there. Meanwhile, the dad is busy working in his shop --making a wooden toy that’s about 5 years too late if it’s for his daughter that hates him. It’s late so he calls it a night, but as he walks away, the table saw spins to life.

He switches it off and walks away again --only for it to turn on again. As he goes to investigate again, something attacks him from behind, pushing him onto the blade. Blood gushes everywhere! And the camera pans to the little wooden horse, rocking slowly back and forth.

Meanwhile, Sam is 1000% unable to play it cool when talking to Bobby about Dean’s demon deal, flubbing about ordering pizza at a diner. Good save, Sammy! Dean’s caught a case and a serious desire to relive the bendiest weekend of his life. He’s in YOLO mode and wants to see Lisa Braeden again. Dean’s in high spirits as he drops Sam off at the motel, telling him, “Don’t wait up for me.”

Dean pulls into a new suburban neighborhood, and locates Lisa’s house. She’s a bit surprised to see him. It’s been almost 9 years since that weekend after all. “Dean Winchester. Wow.” Haha, so say we all. She’s a bit busy at the moment. She’s throwing a birthday party for her son, Ben, who’s turning 8. He also has close cropped spiky hair, loves hard rock, cars, and food. Dean looks on with consternation while Lisa greets her friend, the woman from the cold open. Dean mingles with the locals.

And some quality time with his mini-me.

Dean does some quick math in his head (I LOVE when Dean visibly counts to himself. It’s something so endearing and consistent about Dean over the years.)

Lisa is consoling her friend about her ex-husband’s untimely demise. Her friend confesses that she feels there’s something wrong with Katie, her daughter. In fact, she’s not sure it’s actually her daughter. She goes to collect Katie to leave the party.

Dean walks in and ever so casually asks Lisa if Ben is his. (Natasha: dies laughing) Lisa dismisses his concerns, but it’s clear Dean’s still a little nervous. But even under possible parental distress, Dean’s able to work the case and ask Lisa about the death of her friend’s ex. Lisa admits to a lot of bad things in the neighborhood.

Sam, meanwhile, gets a visit from Ruby. Cue dramatic zoom. Sam wants to know more about her knife that can kill demons (those innocent days! I don’t even think he knows she’s a demon here!) Ruby wants to talk about Sam’s ESP -- and his mom’s friends (what?? My mind is fuzzy about this.) As she’s leaving, she tells Sam there’s a case in this town.

Two seconds later, Dean calls and tells Sam there’s a case in this town --four other people have died in Lisa’s neighborhood.

Meanwhile, Lisa’s friend wakes from a nap (after falling asleep reading The Historian. Lol, I completely understand Friend of Lisa, but Show, a book about bloodsuckers is a little too on the nose.) Her daughter is watching her like a little creepoid.

The girl is creepy and clingy and has some seriously messed up skin when the mom sees her reflection in the mirror.

Sam investigates the other homes where people died.

I submit this photograph for Insurance purposes only:

As the woman points out where her husband fell and died, Sam notices blood on the windowsill, and a blank staring little girl looking out the window --and a sucker-like hickey on the back of the mom’s neck.

Friend of Lisa’s is rubbing her own neck when she’s making Katie her lunch. She tells her daughter to eat and then locks herself in the bathroom to inspect her own sucker hickey. Eww. There’s a pounding on the door. She wants in. She continues to rattle the door while Friend of Lisa’s grows increasingly worried. The rattling stops when the doorbell rings. She rushes downstairs to find Katie answering the door to the neighborhood sunshine representative, bearing a basket of goodies. The woman inquires how they’re doing, and then about if they’re planning on keeping the house. Cold, lady. Friend of Lisa’s slams the door in her face, only to find Katie right there demanding ice cream.

Out and about, Dean sees a sad Ben, sitting alone. He joins Ben on the bench and asks if there’s something wrong. Ben’s as chatty as his not-father when it comes to emotions. Some kid borrowed Ben’s game and now he won’t give it back. Ben refuses to let Dean meddle. Dean’s proud of the little guy for wanting to fight his own fights. (I hold back my commentary about toxic masculinity being passed down to the next generation. My, how far we’ve come, Dean Let-It-Go Winchester.)

Ben heads up to the group of bullies and calls out the kid who stole his game. Ben knees him in the balls and grabs his game while Dean grins from the sidelines. Lisa storms up and berates Ben for kicking another kid. Dean gets the Mom Look of Death ™.

Lisa (RIGHTLY SO) reminds Dean that they spent a single night together years ago and it is hella creepy for Dean to be hanging out with her son right now. Like, I KNOW RIGHT? (Team Lisa) Lisa and Ben head out, only for Ben to run back to Dean and give him a big thank you hug. It’s super adorable.

And then...the adorableness dies swiftly as creepy children in the playground turn in unison to stare at Dean.

And back with Friend of Lisa, her daughter is aggressively telling her that she loves her while mom, weeping, buckles her into the car. Mom adjusts the rearview and catches a glimpse of...well…

Drive, momma, drive! The little girl is still JONESING for ice cream so mom drives them to a nice refreshing...boat ramp. She puts the car in neutral, releases the parking brake, and the car and child slide slowly into the water. (I find this scene particularly horrifying because of its layer of real life parallels so GOOD JOB writers for making me feel awful.)

Mom gets home, emotionally ravaged, only to find a water soaked little girl sitting at her table. “Hi mummy,” the girl says. “Can I have that ice cream now?” Fuuuuuuuck.

Sam, meanwhile, is diligently doing research when Dean bursts into the hotel room. (Side note: there’s been so little Sam in this episode that I was actually surprised to see him again. In my defense, I’m tired. In my defense, I’m also distracted by creepy kids.) Sam’s function is clearly to dump a ton of lore on us. We learn that changelings aren’t just babies. They can be kids - and there’s one at every house that’s had a death. They climb in through the windows and steal the real children, then feed on the back of the mothers’ necks for a few weeks. (Query: it’s heavily implied that changelings only feed on women. Does this mean that the children of gay male couples are safe? Duly noted, man.)

Dean preps the weaponry. Just...fire. Lots of fire.

Sam thinks the kids might still be alive somewhere underground. Dean low key flips out about the idea of any of the kids getting snatched and heads straight to Lisa. When Lisa opens the door she looks harried, Dean looks dorky. Awww they’re so cute. (Man, I love Dean and Lisa almost as much as I love Dean and Cas. It doesn’t hurt that Lisa’s smile is like the frickin’ sun.)(Boris: Vigorously nods in agreement.) Dean hands Lisa a credit card and tells them to go on vacation together. Guys, it’s a TOTALLY NORMAL gift for a 9-years-later hookup to give. She asks Dean about the hinky name on the card but then Ben shows up. “Make him go away, Mommy,” says a decidedly chillier Ben. Lisa takes the hint (while Dean’s hunter hackles rise) and the door gets slammed between them.

Awwww shiiiiit, a monster’s got Ben!

Dean stalks around the house, looking for clues. (Again, in the hunting context we’re like okay COOL good job and in the real world context we’d be going SHIT LISA CALL 911 he’s outside of your house!!!) Dean finds the telltale blood on the sill. Ben’s done got snatched. Dean races to the car. It’s not blood on the sill, he tells Sam. It’s….

“Red dirt,” Sam concludes as we scene jump to one of the buildings under construction. (SIDE NOTE dudes I used to live near Sedona AZ the capitol of red dirt and when dried it did not look like blood. What I’m saying is, someone get some decontamination crews to this neighborhood. It’s a biohazard zone. No wonder property’s so cheap.)

They investigate the house. Dean finds the basement, hears a noise, and heads on down. He finds trapped kids (including Ben) and tells him that he’ll be free soon. Meanwhile, Sam (Sam is here too!) gets confronted by the nosy realtor with the muffin baskets. Downstairs, Dean discovers the caged realtor in the basement. Wherps. Sam’s smart, though, so instead of getting talked into buying a house he whips out his trusty business card.

Fake Ben gets all up in Lisa’s grill, asking for food, so Lisa offers him pizza. Fake Ben agrees and Lisa notices his reflection in her shiny coffee table. Yeesh.

Lisa may be having a shit time, but Dean’s enjoying his father(????) & son bonding moment as they work together to free and comfort the other children. Dean busts a hole through the window and gets everyone out. Just then momma changeling appears. Dun dun DUN.

Lisa confronts fake Ben. “I love you, mommy,” he says in response. Lisa grabs her keys and gets the fuck out of town, but there are kids in her lawn ready to go all Children of the Corn on her. She heads back inside.

Momma changeling gives a good fight, beating the shit out of Dean and Sam. All the while, Ben calmly gets all the kids out. Sam blasts the changeling mom with fire and the fire cascades to all the changeling children. They erupt into flame and ash, including the ones tormenting Lisa and Friend of Lisa.

Lisa races out as the sun rises and greets Ben joyfully. They head inside, Lisa sets Ben up with food and headphones, and then Dean fills her in on his line of work.

Dean asks one more time about Ben’s parentage and Lisa sets him straight (OR DOES SHE). She took a blood test...it was a dude she met in a bar. “I swear you look disappointed,” she says as Dean looks low key devastated.

“Some stuff happened to me recently, and, uh. Anyway, a guy in my situation. You start to think, you know. I'm gonna be gone one day, and what am I leaving behind besides a car?”

Dean. You’re breaking my fucking heart. Lisa asks him to stay for a while and he gets the fuck out instead because he doesn’t think he deserves good things. (weeps some more)

For Science:

Basically if they’re both in the same frame I am DEAD. They’re tooooo pretttyyyyy.

I uncurl from my ball of sorrow to recap the Sam is Here Too ™ portion of the episode. He’s checking up on his mom’s friends. They’re all dead. He meets Ruby and she tells him they’re dead because of the Yellow Eyed Demon. Sam demands to know who she really is and she goes all black eyed on him. Ruby insists that she’s on his side. “It’s all about you,” she tells him. She’s just trying to figure out how all the puzzle pieces fit together. And if he plays ball, she’ll help him save Dean.

These Quotes Want Some Ice Cream:

O-kay, Weirdy Mcweirderton

Gumby girl. Does that make me Pokey?

I’m interested in you because you’re tall.

Something’s wrong with the kids in this town.

We'll just bust in, drag the kids out, torch them on the front lawn. That'll play great with the neighbors.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spnrecap #spnrewatch #spn 3x02 #the kids are alright #dean winchester #sam winchester #lisa braeden #ben braeden #supernatural season 3

[phynali]

hey! just saw your post on nb aesthetic esp your tags abt you having long "non-visibly-queer" hair & idk if you remember this or not but I do bc it was super helpful/positive for me to see it - I sent you an ask awhile ago abt you being queer&genderqueer and talking abt your husband/you guys being happy and see you say this is p much the same feeling - I'm p sure I’m nb?but also ppl have said I’m obvs not bc (among other things) I have long hair not a “queer” haircut so I must be fake & (1/2)

(2/2) sometimes I feel like I am fake but so seeing that post in general was nice but also seeing your comment was rly, rly, rly nice & I can’t really articulate how ! it was to see you say that you’ve got long hair too and are still nb & it feels weird to thank you for just talking about your existence? but. it really is incredibly helpful to see that so - thank you.

hey

thanks for sending this message. it was actually really affirming for me? just the reminder that i’m not alone with feelings like this.

i’m so sorry that people have tried to tell you that you’re not not nb because you don’t have the right ~aesthetic~. it’s honestly such bullshit. there is no one ‘right’ way to “look” nonbinary. you can dress in skirts and dresses and do your makeup up to the nines with long flowing hair and still identify as nonbinary, as a woman, or as a man. presentation =/= identity. same with the opposite. you can crop your hair short and wear men’s cut clothes and zero makeup and still identify as nonbinary, as a man, or as a woman. the clothes on our backs and the cuts of our hair don’t define who we are inside.

and heck, i admire the people with awesome haircuts that are protypically or aggressively queer. i love those styles, i really do. i even envy them sometimes, and part of me definitely has daydreamed about getting a cut like that more than once. but there’s a level of visibility that comes along with it (and i’m self-conscious to begin with) and because i am married (to a man), most people who’ve met me will probably not even pick up on the message about my identity anyway. so who am i getting the cut for? myself? or strangers on the internet to put the rubber stamp of approval next to my gender identity? 

and i struggle with the hair thing in part because i’ve tried to do the short hair and it looked like crap (i.e., it made me look younger and childish at a time when i was aiming for the opposite, and most stylists i went to for short haircuts weren’t giving me a queer look so much as giving me a short haircut that was ‘in’ at the time but distinctly for women?). i also hate the upkeep on short hair because it grows so fast and no way am i willing to go for a cut more often than i do now. kudos to all the people out there who can upkeep short hair. 

i also grew up with my father and older brother having long hair for most of my childhood, and my mother shaved all her hair off one year and then had short hair for about 5 years, so i don’t inherently associate short hair = masculine and long hair = feminine. i’m actually typically attracted to long hair on guys? and them having long hair doesn’t detract from their masculinity, so i try not to let myself get too worried about my own long hair. 

anyway, all this is to say that i recently realized i’ve got insecurities about the length of my hair with respect to my gender identity, maybe because the past few years have been the first time in my life where i actually like my hair and don’t want to change it, but that means accepting and dealing with any hang-ups i have about it as it is now. it fits how i want to see myself, even if the rest of the world makes their own misguided assumptions about me because of it.

but back to you.

if someone ever tries to tell you that you aren’t nonbinary (esp. over something as ridiculous as the length of your hair), they’re an asshole, full stop. they don’t know your gender identity better than you. and if they purport to tell you they know your gender and you don’t, they’re an asshole, and nbphobic (exorsexist? idk the right terms, honestly).

it’s happened to me. more than once. but this one time in particular, i came out as genderqueer to a friend (an ex) and the first words out of his mouth, honestly just an automatic knee-jerk reaction so fast, were “no. you’re not.” and i just. i was flabbergasted. because how dare this dude dare tell me what i am and am not? as if he knows my gender identity better than i do? so i said “yes. i am.” and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat and i said i always had been and finally found the word to describe it and he said “okay” and that was that. 

other people don’t know your experiences better than you. other people don’t get to pick your labels for you. i’ve had people try to tell me i should id has genderfluid instead of genderqueer and i just… rolled my eyes. like no, thanks for trying to fit me into a term that makes you more comfortable, but i’ll define my identity as i experience it.

you’re not fake. you don’t have to look or act a certain way to know that you’re nonbinary. 

i have days where i struggle with wondering if i’m faking it still, even though i’ve been defining my identity this way for over 6 years now, literally ever since the first time i discovered words for nonbinary identities and had that lightbulb moment of “oh. that’s it. that’s what i’ve been missing my entire life.” i struggle even though i look back and know my whole life till now, this is who i am. it fluctuates and varies a bit, yeah, but this is my truth. it’s always been my truth. even if the rest of the world has missed it (and honestly, not all of them did miss it, they just didn’t have language for it either, and a lot of people just want to put their heads in the sand when it comes to this stuff).

and i don’t bind and some days i wish i did. i’m a coward and i’m scared to buy a binder, but i secretly really want one. i don’t have a short or obviously queer haircut and i feel like the world will think i’m hiding and not queer enough when really i just happen to like my current style. i’m short as fuck and my voice is high like a chipmunk. so if anyone looks at or talks to me, they code me as a woman and there’s honestly nothing short of taking hormones i can ever do to change that, based on my body-type and characteristics. and that’s just part of my reality.

so i’m working on being satisfied with knowing my own self. with talking to friends and family when i feel comfortable enough to, and making sure they understand my identity and respect it. with living my gender identity and actualizing my masculinity in ways that feel affirming to me instead of ways that make me feel like i’m silly or trying too hard. 

and that’s my general advice here: do what makes you feel right and good. do the things that make you feel like you fit in your own skin, if you can. affirm yourself that your experiences are valid. that your truth is real. doubt is normal, and it’s okay, and i experience it too. but your truth is your own, and everyone else can get bent.

#nonbinary #genderqueer #about me #personal post #i could talk about being nonbinary for days on end #figuring out my identity in the absence of having words to describe it in my teens? #was a mess. #so no matter how feminine i present now #people can pry my language and gender identity from my cold dead hands #gender #whoops i rambled #Anonymous #replies

[fish-d]

it’s time for jade’s lnd us tour opinions

just saw the new lnd at the boston opera house, saturday 2/10 2:00pm matinee, and it was. HOOO BOY IT WAS. SO MUCH. (in a good way i promise)

cast:

the phantom: bronson norris murphy christine: rachel anne moore madame giry: karen mason raoul: sean thompson gustave: jake heston miller meg giry: mary michael patterson fleck: yesy garcia squelch: richard koons gangle: stephen petrovich

ALRIGHT ok overall numerical rating, like, 8/10, which honestly isn't something i ever thought i'd say about LND, but i guess that goes to show You Can't Like Things Ironically. or at least i can’t we gonna do Onions chronologically, for simplicity's sake, but tl;dr: they changed a Lot of good shit but there are still A Couple Things id love to see addressed before alw stops pouring his pension into it (also for brevity's sake im gonna skip anything i dont have any Strong Opinions on, so if i didnt mention a jam its bc it was inoffensively good)

ACT ONE

'til i hear you sing - bronson is so good. he's a much hunchier/gremin-ier phantom than im used to with lnd (coming from the australian production and ben lewis's Big Man Scary Eyes erik) but he does it really well. he kind of swallows his words on low notes, but MMPH the belt at the end changed my damn life. 10/10

the coney island waltz - AHHH the fleck/gangle/squelch trio was EXCELLENT in this show - fleck was a little underehearsed, but as an u/s i Dont Mind and im impressed they did all the lifts so cleanly, seeing as she is a Lot bigger than katrina kemp. the aesthetic in this number is? SO much bigger and more striking live than it is on the dvd; everything is GORGEOUS and the stage was Very alive (altho its still a little slow when they're all coming out of the bigtop) 8/10

christine disembarks - i got a snap from @sapphic-corgi​ abt this during intermission that just read "meg is gay for christine" and tbh i feel it. this was definitely mary's emotional highpoint here noah fence

arrival of the trio - OK HERE WE GET SOME CHANGES I LIKE: they actually gave the disembarkers a proper ramp to come down, and as one of the new yorkers calls "look, it's christine daae!", she comes out of the ramp in the fog and strikes a really beautiful pose with a really beautiful smile - and she holds it until the flashes pop and her smile vanishes. its REALLY good and a striking example of her French Facade(tm) ala "masquerade". bless that change

what a dreadful town! - ok so big changes here i really jived with, particularly pertaining to raoul - they make him nicer with each iteration of lnd and every time its a good decision. london raoul genuinely seems on the edge of hitting someone the whole musical, but us tour raoul really IS trying, and i love it ! during his first back-and-forth with christine, they embrace each other, despite raoul's frustration, and as gustave plunks away on the piano he doesn't chastise him. instead, christine asks him what he's playing, and tells him its too late in the evening for it - but raoul seems proud of his kid, which is REAL nice. and then he goes and picks up the music box and remarks on its construction and sits down to play with gustave !!! he only leaves bc he gets the summons - so gustave still gets to mourn the lost time with his father, but you never get the feeling raoul is overmuch cruel. hes just. got Issues, Man (i will say, though, sean's performance seemed rather stilted in his dialogue? like he. doesn't know his lines? there were some PAUSES i was. suspicious of)

look with your heart - rachel anne moore has a phenomenal rapport with jake (which she attributes to having a daughter roughly the same age) and they both performed this excellently - jake flubbed a line and neither of them reacted to it at all, which i think is ESPECIALLY impressive for such a young performer. (HE'S TWELVE, Y'ALL, LORD)

beneath a moonless sky - ok this was the sexiest i have ever seen this performed - its SO passionate. rachel glides between "angry", "forlorn", "horny", and back to "angry" with INSURMOUNTABLE grace, holy FUCK, and bronson's phantom is so genuinely reticent and also Very Randy the whole time that i fuckin FELT IT, MAN. none of that mournful love dirge, here, they FUCKED and they want you to KNOW. i also appreciate the change from "i had to, both of us knew why" "we both knew why" - instead, christine responds "i don't know why". i feel like that's more poignant to the situation (bc really erik has No Good Goddamn Excuse)

once upon another time - @theatricalbride​ wept to this. i almost fuckin did. absolutely phenomenal

the beauty underneath - ok i bought these tickets because i heard the utica boot of this song (based on the hamburg production) and it fucking lived up to the expectation. oh my GOD. the lead-in w/ the phantom reprise was phenomenal; the movement between sets was so fluid; gangle, fleck, and squelch were there being Cool as Shit the whole time (and reacting to gustave's highnotes, which was baller. u rly get the sense they're close-ish with Mister Y and i love that). erik Touched gustave a lot in a  way that felt really Genuinely Phantomy and was so jazzed to be with his kid? GOD

the phantom confronts christine - bronson ripped my idiot heart out and threw it down the orchestra pit. when he reached for christine, sobbing, i thought i was going to Die Right There in the Balcony Seats

ACT TWO

why does she love me? - ok the actual song was good but i have some Onions abt mary's performance afterwards :/ im VERY fond of sharon millerchip from the australian production; she plays meg with a really honest sort of vulnerability, and her own fear of her dedication to erik makes "sail across the sea / put us out of mind / close your eyes and dream / let yourself stay blind" hit much harder - because meg is doing what she does less out of jealousy or a desire for vengeance, but out of desperation because she *doesn't know what else to do*. mary plays it... much angrier than i think the role works well with. mary's meg is Pissed about the events of lnd and it makes her later suicide attempt feel forced - because this meg would feel more natural trying to murder christine or erik intentionally, rather than herself

devil take the hindmost - the only laugh of the show was for "[pops up from behind the bar] not afraid of me, you say? B)" and tbh it was well-deserved; the timing was Excellent. sean performed much more admirably in act two, particularly here, and i could like. smell the whisky on him; he was so fucking plastered. also when erik came at him he dragged a chair between the two of them, as if to hide from him, and im STILL laughing about it - esp bc erik tossed it across the fucking room, into another chair. 3-chair casualty for this number (and my e/r heart Really Appreciated how vicious they were ehe)

mother, did you watch? - similar onions to "why does she love me?": mary just seems MAD here, and i think it does a disservice to meg, as a character P:

before the performance - 1) erik does the "angel of music" enchanting reach thing to pull christine to the mirror and give her the necklace, and its a GOOD setup for the aria, and 2) honestly i know it was in the australian production but i just want to say the "twisted every way" reprise here destroyed me, mind & body. my god. (also erik and raoul are onstage in the rafters for this so thats neat)

love never dies - so i have No Idea if this happens in any other production, but for the US tour, as christine sings, she looks back and forth at erik and raoul, who are flanking the stage/implied to be in the wings - and as she looks a little too long at erik, raoul storms off, and it looks like christine forgets the words and begins to panic - until erik reaches out, as aforementioned, and enchants her to hit those fucking stellar keychange high notes that made my heart stop fucking beating, so that was a Good Detail

ah, christine! - raoul wasn't in the mirror for the "little lotte" reprise, but i imagine that's a visibility issue (bc u Cannot see that mirror from the balcony) - but ok. they keep fixing plot holes in this, but they still left in "i know where she's taking him" from erik - literally how. how does he know. what would have Really made it is would be see raoul go with them, and for him to know where gustave was being taken because he was suspicious of/empathetic towards meg after their conversation in the bar. like their Bit before "devil takes the hindmost" FEELS like a setup for this resolution and im beefed they didn't take the opportunity to use it.

streets of coney island - OOOOH THIS WAS SO GOOD the cacophonous "beauty underneath" reprise here was wonderful, and it gives a new appreciation to the coney island set, especially now that the musical has taken a Darker tone. the frantic chase here is EXCELLENT, and its busy enough that you never see christine, giry, or the phantom until they Want you to (big shoutout to bronson’s GUSTAAAAVE holler)

conclusion - im still bothered they don't Do anything with raoul, but besides that, this scene was. genuinely heartwrenching. erik's quiet plea for christine not to tell gustave of his real parentage was SO striking. IT WAS A GREAT CONCLUSION and the fade-out on gustave stroking erik's face was SO UPSETTING (altho jake "pushed" more than tapped him and i thought for a hot second they were gonna go full sweeney todd and gustave was gonna push him into the fucking ocean)

so uhhhhh i went to this intending for it to be simple and fun entertainment i could rib later and i wept real tears ! negativity is hard to maintain in the face of incredible work and craftsmanship from literally everyone involved. fantastic fucking job; im mad this tour is moving on and i wont get to hear rachel hit those fucking high notes again

(also: everyone was lovely at the stagedoor and as much as i complained about mary here, she complimented my hair and i love her very much)

#love never dies #lnd #lnd us tour #poto #phantom of the opera #personal bullshit #ok to reblog #txt #big s/o to theatricalbride for coming with me along w/ my buddies sunny and gabrielle #caiden just happened to fucking be there lmao