#dr charles comforting sarah reese

[felicitysmoaksx]

after, knowing they want to forget, you change the subject completely, talking and talking about nonsense until they feel better.

Jay and Will Halstead with Sarah Reese

Hi anon, thanks so much for the prompt! Hope you enjoy what I do with it. This is set in late season 3. Instead of Dr. Charles and Noah comforting Sarah after she pepper sprayed that patient we have the Halstead Brothers doing it.

“Why didn’t you call me? Sarah, I’m a police detective! I could’ve helped you if you didn’t feel safe at work.” Will didn’t bother knocking on Sarah’s front door when he heard Jay’s voice. Instead, he let himself in quietly and let the door fall shut with a click. After locking the door, Will went to the living room and leaned against one of the pillars leading to the open space. Sarah sat on the couch with his little brother. Her curls covered her face like a curtain, but the red-headed doctor could tell the woman was crying by the way she curled in on herself. 

“Jay,” Will interjected quietly, stopping his brother from saying more. He moved closer until the couch was hitting the back of his legs. Then he dropped to sit beside his sister in everything but blood. “Stop. Drop the subject for tonight at least, okay?” 

His younger brother looked like he wasn’t going to for a second, but then he folded his arms in a huff and leaned back against the cushions of the couch. Sarah sniffed and turned her head slightly so her wide, glassy brown eyes were on him. 

“What did I just do? Is my career over?” She asked him in a broken, watery voice. Will wasn’t going to lie to her. He sighed and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders. The same comforting arm he wrapped around her the day Mr. Brennen died. The day he adopted her as his little sister. 

“It’s bad,” he squeezed her more tightly to him as if the hug could take away the blow of his words, “And I can’t say how bad. I’m sorry, Sarah.” 

A sob bubbled out of her mouth, before she tried to muffle it with her mouth. Jay sat back up as Will squeezed her again. He rested a hand on her back, “Hey, have you eaten dinner yet?” 

Sarah shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself. There was a beat of silence. The Halstead brothers shared a look over the brunette’s head. Then Will took the lifeline Jay was trying to offer. If Sarah wasn’t going to take it then he was going to take it for her. 

“Why don’t we go out to dinner huh? Get your mind off of things and get some fresh air huh?” Sarah was already shaking her head before the red-headed doctor was even finished talking. 

“I don’t want to be around anyone we know right now. Especially anyone from the hospital.” Her words were almost inaudible. 

“We don’t have to be.” Jay told her, “Will and I, we know this mom-and-pop diner in Canaryville. We can go there. Comfort food and Ms. Bea makes the best chocolate cake south of the West Loop.”

When Sarah didn’t rise to the lure of her guilty pleasure of chocolate cake, Will jumped in to sweeten the offer a little bit, “Plus when she sees us, Ms. Bea always pinches our cheeks and talks about the baby pictures our mom use to show her. So you’d have some really good blackmail material if you wanted it.”

“I’d take the opportunity while we’re letting you have it. Because the offer won’t last,” Jay nudged her with a small smirk. A piss-poor attempt at a snort left Sarah’s mouth, as she wiped her mouth and nose with her sleeve.

 “Okay, but only if I get two pieces of chocolate cake.”

#one chicago #chicago med #chicago pd #Sarah Reese #Will Halstead #Jay Halstead #felicitysmoaksx 2023 advent writing challenge #my writing

[redhairedwolfwitch]

Chicago Med Masterlist

Sarah Reese

Bubblegum and Bear Part 1 A Chicago Christmas - Grey's Crossover A Song About Her - Adoptive!Sister!Kidd!Reader Party Night Rock Collection Hickeys and Hayfever Gentle-Hearted Sticky Lip Gloss - Arizona Robbins!Sister!Reader The Surgical Resident and The Psychiatry Resident - Grey's Anatomy crossover Tickles and Cuddles Dating Headcanons One Glove Please Just Hold Me I Kissed A Girl Comfort in Fear Let Me Protect You This Time Favourite Jumper Burning Sinuses - Upton!Sister!Reader Snowballs and Hot Chocolate Secret Half Sister - Lindsay!Sister!Reader Resting Heartrate Doctor Adorable Wonder Woman The Neurology Resident Opposites Attract Rear-End Collision Sisters - Teen Wolf Crossover Emergency Contact Karaoke Night - Lindsay!Reader Finally Crisis in Infinite Earths - Dr!Lance!Reader The Lawyer - Fem!Rhodes!Reader More Doctor Lance - Dr!Lance!Reader Doctor Lance Continued - Dr!Lance!Reader Sensitive Day - Dr!Lance!Reader Doctor Y/n Lance - Dr!Lance!Reader Season 3, Episode 6, Ties That Bind The Third Halstead - Halstead!Sister!Reader Season 2, Episode 11, The Graveyard Shift - Dr Charles!Daughter!Reader Season 1 Episode 16, Disorder

April Sexton

Which?

#chicago med x reader #sarah reese x reader #april sexton x reader #sarah reese #can you tell i love sarah reese? #chicago med masterlist

[page-doctor-bekker]

Human Error (transfemme!sarah)

(A/N) this really doesn’t actually have anything to do with sarah being trans, it just takes place in the same universe. this is literally just an event that happened in this au written out so i can write about effects surrounding it without people being confused lol.

-

-

“Reese, we’re slammed, any chance you can take treatment four?” Maggie pointed at Sarah Reese, and then at the fourth treatment room. Sarah looked up from the computer, before grabbing her tablet and heading to the treatment room.

“Hi, Mr. Nearling? I’m Dr. Reese, what seems to be the issue today?” Sarah pushed for hand sanitizer, rubbing her already-dry hands together until the gel had absorbed.

“Trouble breathing…” The man took a few labored breaths, “Cold sweat… I’m shaking, I can’t breathe-”

“Okay, I see, when did this start? Does your chest hurt at all?”

“I… I had a big meeting today and it just happened suddenly. I guess it hurts a little bit.”

“Can I take a listen to your heart?” Sarah asked, already taking her stethoscope off of her neck. The man nodded, and she pressed the drum to his chest. His heart was racing.

He started talking fast, “Are you going to be able to give me a doctor’s note? I’m going to lose my job…” He started breathing faster.

“Has this ever happened before?” Sarah asked, lifting the stethoscope from the man’s chest, “Any history of anxiety or panic disorders?”

“Never like this,” He choked up and coughed a bit, “But, I had social anxiety as a kid.”

“Do you have any family history of cardiovascular disease, diabetes, or high blood pressure? Do you smoke, drink?”

“No, none of that,” The man waved his hands, “I’m a healthy guy. A vegetarian, everything- everything is fine! I’m perfect, I can’t-”

“Mr. Nearling-” He was hyperventilating, and Sarah grabbed one of his hands, “Mr. Nearling, I think you’re having an anxiety attack,” Dr. Reese let go of his hand, and hung her stethoscope back around her neck, and tapped on her iPad, “I’m going to give you something to calm you down, then we can talk about coping strategies and I will refer you to outpatient psychiatry to continue care. April, push 1.5 milligrams of Ativan.”

April pushed the medication through the patient’s IV line, and Dr. Reese pulled up a round, spinning stool to the bed and sat down. April nodded at the doctor, and left the room, pulling the curtain shut.

Mr. Nearling calmed down noticeably, which Dr. Reese took as a success - Panic attack subsided. Dr. Reese smiled, “It’s normal to have some residual physical symptoms, mild tightness, shortness of breath, but as the medication works you’ll calm down more and more. Have you ever had a panic attack before?”

Mr. Nearling shrugged, “Maybe? I’ve never gone to the hospital for it.”

“After a severe panic attack you may have more panic attacks in the coming days or weeks, so I’m going to call in a mild benzodiazepine in case you need a bit of help,” Dr. Reese typed that into the tablet, “When you feel the anxiety and panic start up, you definitely want to try coping mechanisms before you take medication for it. The medication is just for if those coping mechanisms don’t work, which sometimes happens and is to be expected every once in a while.”

Mr. Nearling nodded, taking a deep breath. It was shaky going out, but residual anxiety can do that.

“So, a good first step, whenever you’re having a panic attack, is to recognize that you’re having a panic attack. If it doesn’t work to say it in your head, say it out loud,” Dr. Reese tapped the tablet against her leg with each coming syllable for emphasis, “I am having a panic attack.”

“I am having a panic attack.”

And just like that, it was no longer a panic attack. Mr. Nearling went limp, and the monitors started going crazy. Dr. Reese held two fingers to the man’s neck, and yelled out, “I need a crash cart!”

Everything moved fast after that. Sarah was pushed out of the way by two ED doctors, who started barking out orders.

“He’s in cardiac arrest, page CT. Reese, get on his chest-”

Sarah could feel blood pounding in her ears, and she clasped one hand over the other and started humming. Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive. Stayin’ alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive… No matter how much CPR she performed, she still needed the song to keep her on beat.

“-Milligram of Epi.”

Ah, ha, ha, ha…

“Hold compressions,” Dr. Choi barked, holding two fingers to the man’s neck, “Clear!”

The man’s chest lurched as he was shocked, and Sarah’s heart jumped into her throat. Dr. Choi held his fingers back to the man’s neck, “Another milligram of Epi. Charge to 200.”

Sarah resumed compressions. Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’...

“Clear!”

Sarah held her hands up, shaking. This never got easier.

“Asystole,” April sighed out, preparing another milligram of Epi. She knew exactly what Dr. Choi was going to ask for next.

“Another milligram of Epi.”

Sarah reached to resume compressions, but Dr. Choi swatted her hands out of the way and did CPR himself. Dr. Choi did it slightly faster than Sarah did. He knew the man was dead.

Sarah squeezed her clammy hands together, shaking like a leaf.

Dr. Bekker rushed in almost immediately after Dr. Choi stopped compressions, and was floored when Choi called time of death.

“Alright, why wasn’t this patient taken to the cath lab as soon as his heart attack was diagnosed?” Ava’s tone was stone cold.

Everyone looked at Sarah.

“He uh… He presented with…” She cleared her throat, “With shortness of breath, mild chest pain, cold sweat, shakiness, and extreme anxiety as well as a positive history for social anxiety. He did not-” She cracked her knuckles, “Um… He also displayed signs of work-related stress and no- Uh, no risk factors for heart attack. I determined he was having a panic attack and ordered 1.5 milligrams of Ativan and started talking about coping strategies with him.”

“Whenever a patient shows up with chest pains they should receive a FULL cardiac workup REGARDLESS of history and risk factors,” Dr. Bekker took a step towards Sarah, and grew louder, “If YOU were in the emergency room with CHEST PAIN, would you be anxious?!”

“I- uh-”

“You did NOTHING you should have. ANXIETY is NOT a contraindication for a heart attack, and now this man is dead. Leaving him to die in the waiting room would be more effective,” She spat out, her tone venomous, “Psych residents, I swear. God, isn’t anyone in this hospital competent?”

Sarah was out of the room before she even knew she was moving. Her feet dragged her away and her heart was practically leaping out of her chest. She felt tears welling up in her eyes and she started chewing on her tongue to avoid letting them go. She clenched her fists as Dr. Charles called her name.

“Dr. Reese! I was paged to the ED, something about you?”

“I need to use the bathroom,” She pushed past him, and he grabbed her arm.

“Sarah,” He whispered, “Go sit in my office when you’re done. I’m going to finish rounds. We’ll talk when I’m done,” He started to walk away, before turning around, “You’re not in trouble, Sarah, I just want to understand what happened.”

Sarah pushed open the swinging door to the women’s bathroom, bolted into the nearest stall and slammed the door shut. She sat down and started sobbing.

I’m in love with her.

She choked on her own snot, and ripped off a piece of toilet paper to blow her nose.

I’m in love with her, and she hates me.

She let out a wail.

i’m in love with her, she hates me, and I failed her.

The bathroom door opened.

“Sarah?”

Sarah held her breath, pulled her knees up to her chest to avoid making any noise.

“I don’t think she’s in here,” Sarah heard April, a gentle voice amongst the madness.

Sarah heard a pager beep.

“Ugh, I have a heart transplant. Whatever, send a note to Dr. Charles and let him know I was looking for her.”

She wants to yell at me some more. She wants to hurt me. She somehow knows about me and I’m going to get fired. I’m going to get fired and be all alone. She knows about me and she’s going to hurt me and I’m going to get fired.

They left, and Sarah let out her breath and let her feet fall to the floor. She blew her nose again, and took a deep, shaking breath. She stood up, and leaned her forehead against the stall door. She took her hair down from it’s low ponytail, and shook it out. She grabbed a piece of her hair and started absentmindedly braiding it - an old anxious habit.

A few minutes and three braids later, she opened the stall door and stared into the mirror in front of her. She wiped away her tears, approached the sink, and splashed water on her face, soaking one of her messy braids in the process. She dried with a thin paper towel, took another shaky, deep breath. She grabbed a helping of hand sanitizer on her way out of the bathroom. Force of habit. Even leaving her bedroom at home she sometimes tries to push the sanitizer button, even though it isn’t there.

Sarah practically ran to Dr. Charles’s office, hurriedly taking her braids out and running her hands through her tangled hair.

She unlocked Dr. Charles’s office door with her key, and closed the door behind her. She did not turn the lights on. Instead, she made a beeline for the couch. There was a throw blanket stored under one of the cushions, and she pulled it over her after grabbing it. She covered her face with a pillow, and screamed into it.

“Sarah?”

She forcefully uncovered her face, before relaxing once she saw it was just Daniel.

“Sarah,” He inquired, sitting down at his desk, “What happened today?”

Sarah sniffled, “I misdiagnosed a heart attack as a panic attack,” She choked out, “Mid-30s male presenting with shortness of breath, mild chest pain, cold sweat, anxiety, healthy weight, vegetarian, panicking with a history of social anxiety, currently experiencing work-related stress, no family history of heart disease, nothing.”

Dr. Charles sighed, “Common mistake. Hardly something to have a-”

“He died, Dr. Charles,” She cried, “He’s dead.”

Dr. Charles’s face hardened, “I see,” He faltered.

“And- And Ava, God, Ava…” She pressed her hand to her forehead, “She yelled at me in the middle of the ED, and she said I was incompetent and-” She choked out a sob, “She hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you, Sarah,” Dr. Charles’s tone softened, “She’s just… She’s just angry. She won’t be angry forever.”

“I just really messed up today,” Sarah swiped her tears away with trembling hands.

“You did,” Dr. Charles agreed, “You did mess up today, but-”

“I’m going to get sued-”

“Sarah.”

“I’m going to lose my residency and I don’t have a fallback plan, I’m in so much debt and so much trouble-”

“Sarah, you’re not going to lose your residency,” Dr. Charles yelled, and Sarah fell silent. He took a deep breath, “I’m sorry for yelling at you, but you’re not going to lose your residency. Every single doctor has a misdiagnosis in their career, it’s just part of the job.”

“But he died. And it’s my fault.”

“Sarah, you are going to lose patients. And sometimes it’s going to be your fault,” He reasoned, “You’re a good doctor, Sarah, you’re a good doctor who made a mistake. You want to know what happened during my residency? I diagnosed a teenage girl experiencing vomiting and lack of appetite with bulimia,” He raised his eyebrows at Sarah, “She died of malnutrition. Autopsy showed she had ulcers all along her digestive tract,” He shrugged, “She was in too much pain to eat! But all I saw was a sickly thin teenage girl that was vomiting and couldn’t eat.”

Sarah stayed quiet.

“The point is, things happen. Death happens. Sometimes, conditions disguise as one another. Medicine is hardly ever an exact science,” Dr. Charles pointed out, “Human error is expected, you’re not going to get fired, and you’re probably not going to get sued. Mr. Nearling presented with no typical risk factors of a heart attack, and all the typical risk factors and symptoms of a panic attack. Did you purposefully ignore Mr. Nearling’s heart attack?”

Sarah shook her head.

“Boom,” Dr. Charles threw his hands up in front of him, “You had no malicious intent. You made a mistake, a common mistake, on a patient that didn’t present typically, and it had consequences.”

Sarah nodded.

Dr. Charles sighed, and looked at Sarah with a look of sympathy, “And now it will never happen again, right?”

She nodded.

“You’re going to take complaints with these symptoms more seriously?”

She nodded.

“You’re not a bad doctor, Sarah, you’re just a human,” He said, “In med school they always teach you what someone who has a heart attack looks like, just like they taught me what someone who has an eating disorder looks like. You just have to learn to get past that phenotype and look deeper.”

Sarah stayed quiet.

“Look... This is hard. I get it,” Dr. Charles sighed, “Just... go home, Sarah. Take a breather.”

“What?”

“Go home. Come back in a few days. Take a break.”

“Yes sir,” She said, quietly, before standing up to leave.

-

-

(A/N) thanks for reading :) i’m going to build on this at some point and write a follow-up to this one shot. hope you enjoyed! this is a foundation for the parts i want to write, so it doesn’t have too much about sarah’s actual transition. i am so sorry for making ava be mean :(( EDIT: If you liked this, check this out bc I am continuing it!

#chicago med #one shot #chicago med one shot #sarah reese #writing #also my favorite sarah headcanon is that she still has to hum or sing stayin alive to do cpr #she has no natural rhythm without a guide lol #thats okay #transfemme!sarah #my au #angst #mild angst #dr charles #dr charles comforting sarah reese #dr charles is a good father figure #crockettstiddies

[daaedoodles]

chapter 3 of building walls (just to tear them down) is now out!!! little homage to this in the chapter… enjoy

#sarah reese #chicago med fanfiction #chicago med #connor rhodes #pieces!au #dr charles #gaffney chicago medical #reese’s pieces #sarah reese fanclub #will halstead #sarah reese being traumatised for 10 minutes straight #sarah reese fic #sarah needs a hug #tw eating disorder #5+1 things but it's angst #hurt/comfort but mostly hurt

[purple-dahlias]

day six- hidden injury

wc: 1804 requested: no warnings: self harm, injury

Sarah hadn’t meant it to go this far, not in the least. At least, that was what she told herself. And really, she had managed so long without it, years in fact. Only for things to start crumbling now. And no, she’ll never let anyone know. Doesn’t want to bother anyone. It’s not that big of a deal, anyway, she’ll tell herself. Nothing she can’t handle herself. Nothing she hasn’t had to handle herself before. And all her problems, well, they just feel so pedestrian. That was what she had told Dr Richardson. Plenty of people felt that way, right. Lots of people did that. It wasn’t exactly uncommon. Maybe not talked of so much, but not something rare. In any case, she had got herself out of it before, and she would do it again, right?

At some point, she would, she told herself.

She tries to be careful. Wears long sleeves. Remembers to keep her white coat on at all times. Tries to avoid situations where she might have to scrub in. Which, luckily for her, since becoming a psychiatry resident, don’t occur very often anymore. And she’s meticulous with cleaning. Making sure everything is sterile. No chance of infection. Her bathroom cabinet well stocked with bandages and plasters and antiseptic wipes. Even a suture pack she had managed to lift from the ED one day. Just in case. She hadn’t needed it so far, though. And she wasn’t planning on it. That was what she told herself.

And oh, how wrong she was.

It’s a Tuesday morning and Sarah is late.

She’s supposed to be at Med by now, Dr Charles will be expecting her to round on their patients and instead, she’s sat on the bathroom floor, leaning against the bath panel, the cursed suture kit on the floor beside her, face contorted in pain.

Maybe things had gone too far.

Perhaps she should have thought to try and bring back some lidocaine as well.

But no. You did this to yourself, Sarah Reese.

And it’s ironic. Because she had inflicted that pain on herself. And now she couldn’t do it again to fix it. Typical.

—

“Hey, have any of you seen Sarah?” Dr Charles asks, approaching the nurses’ station in the ED, where Natalie, and Noah are stood.

Natalie shakes her head, just as Maggie calls out for her, sending her off to treatment three.

“I didn’t see her car parked outside,” Noah responds.

“Yeah, me either.”

“She hasn’t called in sick, has she?”

“No,” confirms Dr Charles, brow furrowed. The Sarah Reese he knew was always so responsible, a stickler for rules, so it was unlike her not to notify someone of her absence.  

“Yeah, I didn’t think so, we’d arranged to have lunch together today, so…”

“And Sarah’s not really one to break her plans,” the head of psychiatry muses.

“I can try and call her,” Noah offers helpfully.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Dr Charles nods as Noah fishes his phone out of his pocket, only to find the dial tone to ring out with no answer.

“You sure she’s not upstairs?”

“No, I’m sure she’s not. I did page her, but no luck.”

“Well, um, if you like I can go round to hers… check on her?” Noah offers, picking up on the worry in the normally level, calm voice of the psychiatrist.

“That’s good of you,” Dr Charles smiles, clapping Noah on the back

“No problem,” Noah returns, with a promise to update him when he found Sarah, watching as Dr Charles turns, making his way to the elevators and away from the emergency department.

One thing was for sure, Dr Charles was grateful Sarah had Noah for a friend. Even if Sarah wasn’t the most vocal person, he knew she’d been dealing with a lot lately, that much was clear. And he knew how important it was to have people around you who cared.

It’s not long after that conversation that Noah finds himself faced with the front door of Sarah’s apartment, having knocked, awaiting an answer.

When there’s no answer, he knocks louder. “Sarah,” he calls out. “It’s Noah. Dr Charles wanted me to come and check up on you because you didn’t show up for rounds.”

Still nothing.

Knowing she kept a spare key under the mat, Noah fishes it out, turning it in the lock.

“Sarah, I’m coming in, alright,” he warns, entering the apartment.

The curtains are still drawn across the windows, Sarah’s bag is in its place by the door, her coat hangs on a peg in the hall. Sure signs she is still here. He calls out to her, moving through the few rooms until he comes to the bathroom, the door half open, a head of brown curls just about visible.  

“Sarah what—"

The words die on his lips as he takes in the scene: Sarah hunched up against the side of the bath, knees pulled up to her chest. He sees the suture kit, the gash on Sarah’s arm, how pale she is. And, most of all, how frightened she looks at seeing him there, how she just about refuses to meet his eyes.

“Sarah,” Noah begins again, trying to compose himself.

“Noah what are you doing here?” It’s said so forcefully through gritted teeth that if it was any other time, any other situation, any other person, Noah would have taken it as his cue to leave. But he couldn’t leave her. Not like this. Not after what he’s seen.

“Dr Charles sent me to check on you,” he tries.

“Well I’m fine,” she grits out, firmly, covering her arm as best she could.

“No, you’re not.”

“Please, Noah, just go. You’re supposed to be working,” her tone is different now, she’s almost begging him to go. He’s not going to, though.

“So are you,” he counters, inching closer. “Sarah what happened?” Noah tries, tone softening.

“It’s nothing, really.”

“That doesn’t look like nothing,” Noah reaches for Sarah’s arm, and Sarah snatches it away, fighting through the pain.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she huffs. She wishes he would just go back to the hospital and leave her be.

“Fine. But Sarah, I have to ask. Did you do this yourself?”

Yes she thinks. Yes I did.

“I think you already know the answer to that one,” is what she says instead. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t have to ask.” It comes out harshly. But really, the anger isn’t directed at him. It’s all directed inward. At herself, for allowing this to happen, at herself for getting caught.

“But Sarah— why.”

And it all comes out. She finds she just can’t keep it hidden any longer.

“I— I don’t know. I just. I can’t anymore. And I haven’t done this since I was fourteen, and now… Noah I don’t know what to do!” Sarah is sobbing freely now, her shoulders shaking as Noah sits down beside her on the cold tile of the bathroom floor, holding her close, careful of her arm. He notices the scars and the cuts littering her arms, in various stages of healing. It pains him to see this, to know this. That Sarah had been struggling for so long without anyone noticing.

“Oh Sarah—” Noah begins, smoothing her hair with one hand, the other rubbing circles into the small of her back.

“Stop. Stop feeling sorry for me.” Sarah scrubs at her eyes, willing the tears away.

“I’m not. I just. I hate that I’m here seeing you hurt, and you know I— I can’t take that away from you.”

“Then go. You won’t have to see then.”

“I’m not leaving you like this Sarah. Do you mind if I take a look?” He asks her. Carefully, levelly, eyes trained on her all the while.

“Fine.” Sarah agrees finally, and Noah has to fight back a gasp as he sees the full extent of the injury. Luckily, as far has he can tell, the wounds aren’t deep enough to have caused any significant damage, but really, as an assessment, he knows the damage is already done. Not physically, but it is there.

“Okay Sarah, we need to clean this up and get it stitched, alright.” Noah keeps his tone calm, knowing that showing any sign of panic would do neither of them any good.

Sarah merely nods.

“This is going to sting, okay,” he warns, taking an antiseptic wipe out of the first aid kit beside them.

“Unfortunately you’re going to feel every step of this because I don’t have anything to numb you with. Think you can be brave for me?”

Another nod, but it’s all Noah needs before he gets to work.

Sarah doesn’t watch as he begins. She keeps her eyes down, trained on the floor, counting the tiles, teeth gritted as she tries to fill her head with something. Anything. Any thoughts that aren’t about what is happening right now.

When he’s finally done, the two sit in silence, both leaning against the bath, side by side. And it’s then that Sarah finally looks. Noah had bandaged up her arm, the stitches hidden beneath the dressings. The memory of what she had done there. But hidden. Out of sight, but not out of mind.

“So, uh,” Noah’s voice tears into her thoughts. “You wanna maybe sit somewhere a little more comfortable and less cold?”

And it’s just so Noah of him to say, his tone making it sound like he’s asking her to move and sit at one of the tables inside the hospital cafeteria instead of outside, rather than what he’s actually doing, which is asking her to get up off the bathroom floor after he’d stitched up the cuts she had made.  

So Sarah makes the choice. She allows herself to be helped up, she allows herself to be led from the bathroom. She lets Noah guide her to the couch, wrap a blanket round her shoulders and disappear off into the kitchen, only to watch him come back a few minutes later, a steaming mug of tea in hand that he sets down beside her.

Still wordlessly, Noah takes a seat next to Sarah, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close to him. He had sent a message to Dr Charles while he had been in the kitchen, letting him know what had happened. He knew that Sarah would need to address what had happened, that there would be a long road ahead of her. That him finding her that morning wasn’t the end of it, didn’t mean that Sarah was out of the woods. But Noah would be there. He would be there with Sarah, for her. He would be there until she was ready, and long afterward. And this was the start. Sarah herself knows that, too.

#medtober2021 #sarah reese #noah sexton #dr charles #platonic rexton #self harm tw #chicago med #my writing #idk this is very bad

[chicagomedfan]

So- I was watching Chicago med season 2 episode 18 and There’s a scene where Sarah Reese is on the roof top where Jason Wheeler Killed himself. I was wondering what if Sarah was gonna attempt suicide. So here it is.

Sarah stood on top of the same rooftop that Jason Wheeler had jumped off on. Sarah began to think about jumping as well. ‘Nobody truly would miss me.’ She started in her thoughts. Climbing up. ‘Nobody would care. I would be forgotten in 6 months.’ She thought. Sarah then stood on top and look down. Ready to jump. Dr. Charles came through the door disrupting her suicide attempt. “Hey Dr Reese, I was trying to page you-“ Dr. Charles stopped in utter shock by what he was seeing. “Dr. Reese-“ He starts. “I-I’m sorry- I-I can’t anymore.” Sarah Reese starts. “I- can’t sleep- I c-can’t eat- I wanna- be f-free- I wanna see Jason again..” Sarah says as she continues to look down. “Dr. Reese I 100% understand I can’t sleep that well either but the ED has already have one loss. We don’t need another.” Dr Charles says as he walks closer to Sarah. “I don’t th-think many people would miss me, y-you know? It would just be like a-a another casualty.” Sarah says as tears trickle down her face. “Sarah your death a casualty? No way. We’re all family. Everybody would be in tears if you jump off. Sarah, I need you. Your a good doctor a great psychiatrist. You belong in the Hospital, hell your family here. Losing you would be the worst I mean worst lost for the ED and me. Even, Hell even Sharon would be crying.” Dr Charles continues “Sarah, please I don’t want to lose you. We all don’t wanna lose you. Don’t do it. Please don’t jump.”

Those words rang in Sarah’s head. She still wanted to jump but Dr Charles words had put her to a stop. Glancing at him she saw tears were glistening from his eyes. ‘He really does mean it.’ Sarah thinks to herself. She looks down once more and turns her head towards Dr Charles. She gulped down a lot. Sarah had to make a decision. Die or the ED, her job and Dr Charles. She made her mind up and turned her self around towards Dr Charles. He looked at her. Holding his hand out. She reached out and he grabbed her hand and pulled her into a comfort hug. Sarah cried realizing, she almost had done it. “Shhh….” Dr Charles soothed the young psychiatrist and he protectively hugged her. Sarah wiped her eyes and sniffled a bit before looking up at Dr charles. “A-Are you gonna a-admit m-me..?” Sarah asks through her sniffles. “No, but whenever your feeling something. Feeling suicidal. Feeling bad about Dr Wheeler. Come to me, Sarah. I can’t lose you. I can’t.” Dr. Charles says looking down at Sarah. She nods and hugs him again. “Let’s head back inside. I have a patient. You, Sarah will lie down in my office.” Sarah went to object but He put a hand on her shoulder. “At least for an hour.” Dr. Charles says. Sarah nods.

————————

Sarah lied down in Dr Charles office for about 30 minutes she was napping and the other 30 minutes she was questioning some of her choices. She was thankful for her job and for the people she’s surrounded by, she began to also question why did she almost kill herself. Why did she do it. Sarah got tired and had fell back to sleep. About another hour later. Dr. Charles had came in to see a sleeping Sarah Reese. He smiled at the sleeping Psychiatrist. Dr Charles had sandwich a water bottle and a bag of chips. He put the food down and walked over to where Sarah was sleeping. “Sarah…” Dr. Charles said. “Hmmmmm…….?” Sarah tiredly muttered. “I got you some food to eat. Sharon is letting you have a couple days off. To get your mind cleared. She knows.” Dr Charles says. “Oh ok..” Sarah yawns and sits up. Dr Charles hands the food to Sarah. “Oh and uh..Sharon said that you have to stay with me for those couple of days.” Dr Charles adds. Sarah stops. “Wait she said what?-“ Dr Charles looks down at her. “It’s her rules, Sarah. We’ll pick up some of your stuff when I’m about to leave.” Dr Charles says as he leaves the room. Sarah peacefully eats her food.

Once Sarah got settled in at Dr Charles house she had a question. “Where will I sleep Dr Charles?” Sarah asks. “You’ll sleep in the guest room for the couple of nights, that ok? He asks her. Sarah nods. Doctor Charles shows Sarah around his house all the rooms and how to get around. “I have to get to a meeting. I should not be long.” Dr Charles says leaving. “Call me if anything happens.” Dr Charles says leaving closing the door behind him. Sarah nods and goes to eat. When Doctor Charles returns he is to see Sarah eating his chocolate ice-cream while she is sitting on the counter scrolling on her phone. “Sarah-“ Dr Charles says. She looks at him. “What? I love chocolate, I’m saving you some.” Sarah says shrugging a bit. Dr Charles chuckles a bit. “Ok, ok Miss chocolate eater.” Dr Charles says playfully as he drops his bag. Sarah giggles a bit these days will not be gloomy and sad. Instead It could be filled of excitement and happiness.

#sharon goodwin #dr charles #Chicago med #Chicago #sarah reese #dr reese #Jason Wheeler #attempt #suicide #chocolate ice cream #happy ending #:)

[punksarahreese]

Comfort | Restart

Medtober day 3 + 4 (event by @page-doctor-bekker)

Med student!Sarah; everyone needs a real support system

Word count: 2335

CW: minor parental gaslighting/manipulation

***

Sarah had hoped no one would notice, though she quickly realized her body gave itself away all too easily. No amount of caffeine could hide the sluggishness in her movements, her limbs feeling heavier than lead. If it wasn’t that it was probably the way her voice held no cheerful tone like it usually did, instead her words fell flat and had April casting her concerned glances.

She kept to herself that day, all too exhausted to even try to be social. As long as she made it through her clinical hours she could go home and sleep, at least for a few hours. She hadn’t gotten more than six the past few days, instead pouring over her textbooks that had taken their rightful place strewn across the floor. The exam for her latest rotation was coming up and Sarah was feeling the anxiety far more than usual. That was at the fault of her mother, though the woman would say it was her daughter’s problem alone.

“Sarah, you need to stop worrying over such silly things,” she had told her over the phone, “The only thing you should focus on is school.”

“Mom…”

“Now, you know how important this is. You don’t have time for friends, it will only slow you down. My daughter will be a doctor, right? You wouldn’t let me down after all this money I’ve sent…”

It always ended like that, the passive aggressive cherry on top of narcissism. Her mother wasn’t maternal in the slightest, though she would still use her relationship to Sarah for her benefit. Sure she made certain Sarah had all the money she needed to be successful, but it all came with a price. She was expecting her daughter to make a name for herself as a doctor, which would of course leave room for bragging and manipulation on Elizabeth’s part. Sarah’s whole future rested on her mother’s money as much as it did her own success, which was an unfortunate feat she was beginning to despise.

“Reese,” if she hadn’t already been sitting down, the sudden voice on her right could have knocked her off her feet. She winced at her own jumpiness, turning to look at Connor sheepishly.

“Dr. Rhodes,” she pushed a scrap piece of medical tape into her textbook before letting it fall shut on the marked page, “Hi.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah… yes of course. Just getting some studying in.”

“Uh huh,” he looked at her for a moment and Sarah knew she probably wasn’t helping her case by looking like a whole mess, “Ava was looking for you.”

Usually a mention of her mentor would immediately grab her attention and send Sarah scurrying off to find out what she wanted. This day, however, she wanted to do the opposite. Ava could see through her in seconds and Sarah didn’t have the energy to be chastised for being spacey or distracted. She was burnt out and as much as she enjoyed being on the surgeon’s service she would much rather go home.

“Oh?” Was all she said, getting to her feet. She checked her watch, realizing it was just in time for her break to begin. Sarah gathered her textbook along with her glasses she had opted to wear that day instead of contacts. One more look at Connor preceded her reply, “I’ll go find her in a bit then.”

She didn’t look back at the fellow but she knew he was probably watching her in confusion, her attitude much different than usual. Usually she would be following after Ava like a lost puppy, so the fact that she didn’t even ask where she was was wildly out of character. Sarah didn’t have the time to worry too much about it though, a chirp from her phone letting her know her mother had more to say to her.

***

“Check on your med student.”

“What?” The look Connor got from his colleague was a guarded one, clearly she didn’t know where this was going. Connor and Sam had been pestering her for a while about her soft spot for Sarah Reese, so Ava had become accustomed to assume teasing would ensue at any mention of her.

“She looks like a mess today,” he said as he snatched a chip from the bag she had been munching on, “Bloodshot eyes and way more jumpy than usual, and that’s saying something.”

“What happened?”

Connor shrugged but couldn’t help the little smirk at how concerned Ava immediately became, “Don’t know. That’s why you should check on her.”

***

Ava found her in the locker room reserved for med students and interns, thanks to one of Sarah’s classmates who pointed their instructor in the right direction. She wasn’t sure what to expect when she nudged the door open but what she got was a bit of a shock.

Sarah was sitting in front of her locker, knees pulled up to her chest and her grey scrubs already a bit dusty from the floor. She was staring blankly at the textbook propped up on the bench, completely unfocused from the words. She mustn’t have heard Ava come in because she didn’t react, the only sound being a sniffle.

“Sarah?”

Just like Connor had pointed out, she jumped far more than she had ever before. Ava knew the medical student was on edge most days, but this seemed a bit concerning. That worry only grew when she came around the corner to face Sarah properly, not expecting quite the sight she found.

Sarah’s eyes were swollen and red, as though she had been crying for quite some time. That theory was pretty much proven by the tears tracking down her ruddy cheeks, leaving little stains where they landed on her top. Her hands shook as they worried the fabric over her knees, a rhythmic movement that must have been an unconscious thought. The med student looked like she hadn’t slept for days or like she had been to Hell and back; or maybe both.

“D-doctor Bekker,” she looked up in alarm at her mentor, very deer-in-the-headlights as if she was terrified of what she might say. Something told Ava it wasn’t a coincidence that she hadn’t seen Sarah at all that day, since the other woman looked like she had been caught red handed by just the person she didn’t want to see.

“Hey, don’t do that,” Ava was crouching beside her without a thought, “What happened to formalities making you nervous?”

“I-”

“Sarah, what’s wrong?”

The brunette’s rapid head shake sent rouge curls tumbling into her line of vision, “Nothing! I’m fine.”

“Oh yeah you definitely look fine,” she was a bit shocked with the casual way Ava dropped onto the ground beside her, seeming unlike the focused surgeon she knew. Ava should be working, not sitting on the dirty locker room floor with her medical student who had spent the whole day avoiding her like the plague. Still, she showed no signs of leaving without an explanation, which made Sarah sigh.

“My cardio rotation exam is coming up…”

“Yes and? We’ve been preparing for this for weeks, Reese. You know the content like the back of your hand.”

“I don’t… it’s not that easy,” she protested, “If I don’t do perfect on every exam from here on out I might not match into the program I want. I need to be perfect, Ava.”

“No, don’t do that. You aren’t allowed to psych yourself out like this. You will do just fine, I didn’t train you to hide from the scary stuff now did I?”

“No…”

The blonde nodded affirmatively, “Exactly. So you’ve been studying and not sleeping, I take it?”

Sarah scoffed, “What gave it away?”

“The bags under your eyes are bigger than Connor’s ego,” she teased, “Plus the fact that you haven’t put that textbook away all day and you’re shaking like you do when you’re living off of caffeine.”

“Not fair,” Sarah sighed, “Don’t psychoanalyze me; that’s doctor Charles’ job.”

“Oh I would never take his job,” Ava replied, “I have a hateful relationship with Sigmund Freud and refused to do psych after med school.”

That was what finally got a smile out of Sarah, though it was followed by an incredulous headshake. Of course Ava would say something silly or unrelated to make her feel a bit better, she always did. She shifted uncomfortably on the hard flooring, looking at her mentor cautiously.

“Why are you here, Ava?”

“Because I needed to check on you.”

“You have other things to do…”

“Sarah, you’ve been spacey and avoiding me all day. I can’t very well let my star med student blow off rounds just to sit on this Petri dish of a floor and cry.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, just tell me what’s really wrong so I can help.”

“I told you… exams.”

“Yeah but exam stress doesn’t often make you look like you’ve been crying for hours straight. What happened, Sarah?”

She knew she was backed into a corner, very aware of Ava’s concerned, stern eyes watching her every move. It’s not that she didn’t want to talk to her, Ava was probably the only person she wanted to talk to about this, but it wasn’t that simple.

“Exams are coming up; I’m moving to neuro in a couple weeks.”

“Yes? What… oh.” The surgeon seemed to have a sudden realization about what really was wrong. She sighed, slumping back against the locker beside Sarah’s before replying, “Reese, are you upset you won’t be on my service anymore?”

“Don’t say it like that,” she couldn’t help the whine in her tone, “I know I’m being a baby about it, just forget it.”

“No, Sarah,” the comforting hand that fell on her knee made her jump a bit, “It’s okay to be upset about it. I know you weren’t all too excited for CT in the beginning so it’s… rather endearing that you like it so much now.”

Sarah’s cheeks flamed at that and she tried to hide them behind her hands, not replying. She hated how upset the thought of rotation change made her, especially since she never even wanted to do cardio. Pathology was going to be her specialty in the end so that’s the residency she was applying for. She had no reason to feel so attached to cardiothoracics, not to mention the gut wrenching worry that Ava would forget about her.

“Hey,” Ava nudged her gently, “Sarah?”

“My mom is on my ass,” she admitted suddenly, “She’s very controlling and our whole relationship is based on money. She expects me to only think about school and stop ‘playing around’ in clinicals because I’m supposed to go to path in the end. That’s why I wanted to hate cardio, I shouldn’t have gotten attached.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” she shook her head, “It’s irrational the way she makes me so anxious but… I need to do perfect, Ava. I can’t afford any other outcome, you know?”

“That’s far too much pressure on you,” Ava looked at her seriously, “You’re allowed to have a life, Sarah.”

“Not in her eyes. I have to be a pathologist first and a human second or my mother won’t be happy.”

“And what about you? Are you going to be happy?”

“That doesn’t… it doesn’t matter.”

The blonde scoffed, “That’s rubbish and you know it. You can’t do your best if you aren’t sleeping and you sure as hell won’t do well in something you’re not passionate about.”

“But-.”

“No arguing,” she couldn’t help the small amusement at Sarah’s immediate compliance, “Please take care of yourself, Reese. Do this for you, not anyone else, or you’ll regret it.”

Ava didn’t wait for an answer, instead she got to her feet and dusted off her dark pants. She held out a hand for Sarah, looking at her with expectant eyes. The student let herself be tugged up off the floor, though she had trouble holding eye contact for very long.

“Sarah?”

She hummed in reply, busy wiping ruefully at the tears that had started to fall again during their talk. She saw the worry in her mentor’s face and it hurt a lot more than she wanted to admit. Ava Bekker cared for her of all people and here she was spending the day sulking and avoiding her.

“Come here.”

She was a bit taken aback when the blonde opened her arms, offering a hug for the first time. She wasn’t a physically affectionate person as far as Sarah had seen, not with her students especially. Still, it had been a very long time since she had received any sort of comfort like that and she had a hard time finding a response.

Eventually she did melt cautiously into Ava’s arms, surprised by how strong and secure they felt.

The surgeon didn’t say anything, just let Sarah lean into her until she relaxed into the embrace like expected. It was clear the other woman didn’t get a lot of physical comfort and Ava felt her stomach twinge a bit at how socially distant Sarah seemed. She deserved a support system, especially in such a competitive med program, and it broke her heart to realize she didn’t have much of one.

“Listen, you are a brilliant student, even if you have trouble with confidence. Enjoy neuro, don’t waste that time being upset and instead learn as much as you can. Don’t doubt yourself or downplay your abilities just because you think you should be in a lab instead. You would make an amazing surgeon, Sarah, whether it’s in CT or not.”

“Ava,” her reply was muffled slightly by her hair, “I don’t…”

“Just put yourself first, okay? And don’t be afraid to ask for guidance. Even if I’m not your mentor anymore once your rotation is up… I’m here, I promise.”

Sarah couldn’t think of a meaningful reply, overwhelmed by it all but still soothed by the lilac scent that was so Ava. All she could do was mumble a “thank you”, but in that moment it was more than enough.

#this is a double day that’s 3 days late <3 but it’s long lmao #it’s also Bad so lmao #my aus #restart #med student!sarah #fellow!ava #medtober 2021 #sarah reese #ava bekker #chicago med #Reesker #crockettstiddies #purple-dahlias

[mackeydoodledoo]

I Wasn’t (Thinking)

Pairing: Sarah Reese x Rory Laine (Fem!Doctor)

Summary: You’re assigned to mentor Sarah Reese in her studies to become a doctor. You have a ball however, little did you know, you began falling in love with your 4th year student. When a Pathology worker interrupts your love fest for Reese, you immediately regretting not telling her how you feel about her sooner.

Warning: Hospital shooting, Blood/Blood mention

A/N: Okay I recently started watching Chicago Med as I watch the other two Chicago shows, I’m all for Sarah Reese! btw, Rory Laine is my OC for Chicago Med!!

------------------------------------------- As you file down some paperwork, you feel a hand gently caressing your back. As you look up it was your med-student trainee; Sarah Reese. The two of you had built a strong bond compared to her first day as your trainee. 

"You paged me doctor?" You knock on the door frame 

"Yes, our handful of 4th year students have arrived," he explains, "I'm assigning them to a doctor such as yourself. I'm having you mentor Sarah Reese." 

"Sounds like a plan doc," you answer 

[...] 

"Hi I'm Dr. Sarah Reese," she introduces herself, shaking your hand, "4th year med student." 

"Dr. Rory Laine," you introduce back, "Emergency Medicine." 

[...] 

"Reese, help the patient with their airway, they aren't breathing properly!" 

"Dr. Reese code blue!" 

Reese presses the code blue button right behind the patients bed as Dr. Choi began CPR, the two of you helping around as much as you can. 

[...] 

"Sarah? Hey hey, it's okay," you comfort her, "just let it all out. It's okay." 

You noticed how Reese was hard on herself. You wanted to be there. You HAD to be there.

In all that time you had spent with her, you didn't notice you began to fall in love with her in the process. It wasn't until Maggie pointed it out. 

"Girl, you're totally head over heels for Reese!" Maggie teases 

"What?! No!" You try to stop her, "I don't even think she's into girls... or even likes me back..." 

"Dr.?" Reese calls from behind you 

You turn around to face her, "What’s up Reese?" 

"I just wanted to ask you, if you wanted to get coffee right now?" She asks 

"I'd love to," you smile, following her

As you two had went to the coffee area, you made her coffee, she smiles as she happily begins to make yours. You turn around to look at the city scape. You inhale the crisp, fresh air. You turn to Sarah to check on how she was doing. You notice a guy standing right next to her. 

"Hey Dr. Reese, I just got paged," you lie, happily taking your Reese-made coffee, "You page me if you need me at all." 

You didn't like the guy. You've met him before, a little bit of a creep. He tried to make a move on you but you straight up told him that you were a lesbian. You weren't sure how to tell Reese, you adore her, you enjoy her presence, you strongly believe she is the best Med student you have ever partnered with. You couldn't do that to her.

"Earth to Laine," Sarah smiles, waving her hand into your face, pulling you out of your thoughts 

"Yeah?" You ask, sighing 

"I got my match back!" She smiles 

"Well don't keep your mentor waiting what was the result?" 

She opens the envelope and unfolds the paper and shows it to you. You were heartbroken... But you couldn't show her that. You wanted her to be happy after all. 

"Oh my gosh that's amazing, where you wanted to be yeah?" You force yourself to say, but you sigh, "You know, I’m going to tell you this. Of all med students I have mentored in my time here, you were the best med student I could ever work with. Good luck. Doctor Reese." 

You walk away, forcing yourself to smile until your back was turned to her. You didn't want her to see you cry. But you watched her date Joey, one of her Pathology colleagues. It pained you to watch it. Each time you were saving loves, doing paperwork. You did it all to get your mind off of her. But to no avail.

One night post shift, you were seated at the bar at Molly's. Notebook under your right hand, a drink in the other. 

"My favorite kid doctor looks sappy," Stella Kidd comes over 

"The girl-my former med partner is dating someone else... I like like her but.... I'm too late..." you sigh, scribbling something into your notebook 

"What do you have there?" Stella asks, taking the notebook 

You try to get it out of her hands, but you failed that task. 

“Oh how I wish I could have made my feelings known sooner. Maybe we could have been something. My colleague. My partner. The greatest one I have had. ED for me wasn't the same. I'd always call for your assistance however I look up to see nothing but an empty space.”

You watch Stella read out your sappy poem as you continue drinking. 

"How have you not told her yet?" She asks 

"I wasn't sure if she was into girls too, let alone me." You sigh, "Most important of all, I don't want her to run away if I tell her." 

"From the stories you tell me from your time at Med, you never sounded enthusiastic about any of them until you got an ED partner. Tell you what," Stella starts, "March right up to her apartment and talk to her. The most thorough conversation you can do." 

You sigh, but straightening yourself out. You slide Stella a hefty tip as you grab your jacket and run out of the bar; rushing over to Reese's. She asked for your help on a test she had to take and you went over there once to help her study for it. 

Once you reach her place you compose yourself and you gently knock on the door. Joey opens the door... 

"Laine." He says, coldly 

"Hi Thomas. Is Sarah here?" You ask, trying to look past him 

"In the bathroom," he says 

You try to brush past him but he stops in your direction. 

"What are you doing?" He asks 

"I need to talk to her," you only say before he places a hand on you to place you back into the hall 

You slap his hand away as you realize what he's doing. 

"Fine," you sigh, "Can you tell her at least, that I need to talk to her?" 

He nods, not saying anything else. You turn your back to him and leave. As you go down a decent amount of stairs, you stop... You slumped against the wall and looked up to the upper stairs. 

"I'm such an idiot!" You growl at yourself before finally leaving

You return back to Molly's as it begins looking thinner the last time you were there. 

"I'm guessing it didn't go well?" Stella asks, passing you a drink, "On me." 

"I couldn't talk to her," you say, slumping down onto the bar, “Joey refused to let me talk to her.”

“You want me to talk to him? Stella asks, “I could drill into his head like Chief Boden does while on shift.”

“No, not worth it, and I think Sarah will be mad at me if I let you,” You sigh, taking another sip of your drink, “Thanks Stella.”

"Hey Rors," Sarah calls 

You look up from a supply box you were supposedly invested in. 

"Here's the results you requested," she says, handing you the paperwork 

"Thanks Reese," you sigh 

"So- how's your new partner?" She asks 

As you begin walking to Treatment 7, Sarah follows you. 

"What new partner?" You ask, "There's no 'new partner' for me. I told Charles that I'd only work with you, should you come back." 

She smiles. You wish that moment lasted an entire lifetime. However you look toward the entrance and see a man with a gun.... You look over and realized it was aimed at... Sarah Reese.... 

"GET DOWN!!" you scream to the ED department 

As everyone else does so, you look over at Sarah. Panicking when you hear a shot ring out. 

"SARAH!" you scream as you push her into the empty treatment room right next to the two of you 

You accidentally knock into the supply box in front of treatment 4 and knock it over, sending you with it. You roll over it and slide across the floor, leaving a blood trail on it. You gasp for air, trying to reach for the same supply box you knocked over, wanting to cover your bullet wound immediately. When Sarah gains her consciousness, she launches herself over to you, trying to stop the bleeding. 

"Choi! Rhodes!!" Sarah calls out for, "Rory." 

She looks up and notices the shooter being handcuffed by the CPD. 

"Re-Sarah," you sigh looking up at her, "I just want you to know, that... If I don't make it-" 

"No no no, stay with me Rory, eyes on me okay? Eyes. On. Me." Sarah tries to comfort you as Rhodes and Choi lift your body into the empty room 

Many of your coworkers nearly cried as you were taken to the OR for suture and possible surgery, as Choi looked for the bullet. Worried you might need surgery for possible bullet lodged in your body. 

"Are you hurt?!" Joey comes running over to Sarah 

"No but- but Rory took the bullet.." Sarah cried as Joey pulls her into a hug

After crippling hours of adjusting to a hospital shooting and with you in the ICU, Rhodes game of from the room as Sarah immediately stands up. 

"Rory?" She asks Rhodes 

"Laine's stable, but she's unconscious. Not sure when she'll wake up," he gets to the point, "She really misses you over at ED. You should see her when she tries to do paperwork. Do you know how many 'bathroom breaks' she goes on? Just to cry? You should be there for her. She wouldn't just take a bullet for their colleague. Unless there was something else going on with her." 

Rhodes makes his leave from your ICU room as Sarah follows. However, Joey stops her. 

"What is it Joey?" She asks 

"Can we talk?" He asks 

"Okay," she sighs as he follows him 

"You and Laine had something," he concludes 

"What?" She asks, "I have no clue what you're talking about." 

"Oh come on you don't think I see a lesbian that likes you when I see one?!" He asks 

"Rory's a-?" She asks 

He nods. 

"We that doesn't phase me that she's one of the best doctors to have mentored me, her sensuality has nothing to do with how she mentors me and how she sees me." Reese states 

"She’s only jealous and she only took that bullet to-" 

"SHE TOOK THAT BULLET FOR ME!" Reese screams, supposedly for her whole department to hear, "It should have been me instead of her, but now... But now she's my patient!" 

"Come on Reese she's been avoiding you," Joey states, "If she hadn't tried to come over the other night we-" 

"She what?!" She asks him 

"She came over to see you," he says, sighing," I told her to leave." 

"You did what?!" She asks 

"I told her to leave," he says, "She's getting in-between our relationship."

"I don't need you to decide that for me," Sarah screams, "Laine told me herself; I was one of her best med students she's mentored. And if you see her as a 'threat' to our relationship, you can leave. So leave." 

"Reese-" 

"LEAVE!" She raises her voice 

So he makes his leave, Sarah looks around and notices people staring, she rushes into your ICU room where you were resting; your shoulder healing from the gunshot wound. 

"Rory.... Oh my God I'm so sorry." Reese whispers, "You goddamn took that bullet for me and for what? It should have been me instead. Me in the bed where you are...." 

Sarah leans over you and puts her forehead against yours. 

"Sarah Reese..." you manage to say, "You are so blind..." 

She lifts her head to see you with your eyes open, slightly smiling. 

"I am so goddamn into you Sarah," you sigh, leaning into Sarah's touch, "I just couldn't find the courage to tell you." 

"Well, I wish you would have told me sooner," Sarah smiles, "Because I would have thought about it." 

You smile as you try to sit up but feel Sarah's hand gently press your uninjured shoulder. 

"Not yet," she whispers, "I'll go get Dr. Manning and-" 

Before she could stand up she feels your hand on hers. 

"Stay, please," you sigh 

She sighs as well. She sits back down and continues checking on you.

As you stand up with the assistance from Sarah, you see everyone applauding for you. 

"Who coordinated this?" You ask, looking at Sarah 

"I did, you saved another Doctor Rory," Maggie smiles, "Give yourself some credit." 

"That I did and that I shall," you smile

By the end of shift you were in the break room getting your post-work clothes on, however when it came to your jacket, you forgot you still had some stitches on and you drew your left arm back. 

"Here let me," Reese says, as she puts your right arm through the jacket sleeve 

"Thanks Sarah," you say, "Have you ever been to Molly's?" 

"Can't say I have," she smiles 

"Do you want to grab dinner?" You ask, "on me." 

"I'd like that Rory," Sarah smiles, "I'd like that a lot." 

"Meet me at the entrance when you're ready," you say

When Sarah meets up with you, the two of you take your cars to Molly's. 

"Hey it's doctor Savior," Hermann teases 

"Ha ha very funny Hermann," you sigh as you hear Sarah laugh 

"What'll it be?" He asks 

"You know my usual," you smile 

"Just a water for me," Sarah says 

"Oh by the way Rory, you finally got your girlfriend to finally come in here huh?" Hermann teases again 

"W-what?!" You ask him, blushing, "Well, I mean she knows I like her." 

"Yes," Sarah calls 

You turn to her, looking at her like she's crazy 

"I'll be your girlfriend Rory," she smiles 

"Really?" You ask 

She nods. You wanted to kiss her. But you remembered you wanted to be smart about her. You wanted to wait until she was ready for you. 

"Hey after this do you want to go to my place?" You ask, "I want to show you something." 

"Okay," she smiles 

"We aren't rushing anything I promise you that," you smile as you sip your whiskey 

As you lead her into your apartment, your hands over her eyes. 

"Keep those pretty eyes closed," you whisper into her ear 

You pull out your phone and press a button to play Photograph by Ed Sheeran. 

"Open," you say as she does 

You watch her look at the photographs in awe. They were strong up along, what you call them; fairy lights, spread out in an orderly fashion hut not in order. 

"Did you take all of these?" She asks 

"Yeah," you smile, "Some I took on our first couple of weeks as partners. And..." 

You trail off as you turn around to grab something. She turns around as you're on one knee, acoustic guitar in arms. 

"I look like I’m about to propose to you but no, let's not rush into things," you smile, beginning to strum along to the song. 

So you can keep me, inside the pocket of your ripped jeans. Holding me close until our eyes meet. You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home. Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul. And it's the only thing I know, know. I swear it will get easier. 

You continue looking up at her, strumming along to the song and looking into her eyes. You'd occasionally look away from her to look at your fret markers to know what note to play next. 

We keep this love in a photograph 

You reach up and pick a photograph off of your display and hand it to her. It was actually your favorite one; Herself and you were acting goofy in the bathroom. Her arm slung around your waist and yours around her shoulder. 

We made these memories for ourselves. Where our eyes are never closing, hearts were never broken, and time's forever standing still 

You sing the chorus again as you go back to playing for her. 

And if you hurt me, well, that's okay baby only words bleed. Inside these pages you just hold me and I won't ever let you go. When I'm away- 

You stand up, meeting Sarah's eyes, still singing to her 

Hearing you whisper through the phone; "Wait for me to come home" 

When you turn away from her to put your guitar down. But when you turn back to her; tears filled her eyes as she tries to viciously wipe them away. 

"Oh babe," you sigh, wiping her tears gently for her 

"You prepared all of this for me?" She asks 

"Actually, it was on the fly," you chuckle lightly 

"Oooh that’s even hotter. Adding that you're also a musician?" She laughs 

You laugh with her, "Before deciding to become an ED resident, I wanted to play music, sing it even! So I learned nearly all instruments. But I got bored.... But I still use my music skills for outside of Med, like this." 

"Can I stay here tonight?" She asks 

You nod, with a smile, "Of course you can." 

Noticing she didn't have any clothing, you rummage through yours and hand her one of your band hoodies and a pair of your shorts. 

"I don't know your shorts or pants size. Why would I need that for? But I hope it fits." You say, nervously 

You wait for her to come out of your bathroom. You were reading a book and you didn't hear your bathroom door open until you feel someone straddling you and taking your book away. 

"Impatient are you?" You joke 

She only looks down at your shoulder, the stitches. Oh.. Right.. I got shot at this morning... 

"Goodwin gave me a couple weeks off for it to heal," you say, "You can come over as much as you want. But if I'm not here, I'll leave a note at the door." 

She doesn't answer but hear the gunshot in her head. 

"Goddamnit Rory what were you thinking?!" She only asks 

You paused for a minute, trying to think on that moment earlier that day. 

"I wasn't" you answered, "when I know your life is in danger I don't think. I do it with no questions and no question of the consequences." 

"So... you did all of that for me?" She asks, gently stroking your injured shoulder. 

You nod, "I'd rather take a bullet for you than watch you become a memory." 

She doesn't answer but leans her head down for her lips to meet yours. You meet her halfway and kiss her. At first you believed that you were able to tell Sarah Reese how you felt. But with Joey Thomas that used to be in the way, you regretted not telling her sooner. But, taking the bullet to the shoulder instead was one way to tell her how you felt about her.

#sarah reese x reader #female reader #one chicago #chicago med #sarah reese

[anotheronechicagobog]

Functional Dysfunction - Chapter 2 - Rheese

written by @anotheronechicagobog

Warnings: talk about abortion, unplanned pregnancy, forceful admittance to hospital, swearing

Sarah was so thankful that she had a day off. She didn’t think that she could handle an interrogation. Not from Maggie or Natalie individually, much less so together. Her abortion was scheduled to take place in three days, she’d arranged to have that day off too, but for now, all Sarah wanted was to keep her mind off of everything, so she tied her curly hair into a bun, started blasting ABBA and cleaning her apartment. She’d gotten into the zone and hadn’t comprehended the time until she’d hit her shin on her coffee table for the umpteenth time while dancing around using her duster both as a cleaning tool and a mic. She plopped down onto her couch and looked at her work. She wasn’t a neat freak, but her place was usually pretty clean. Yes she’ll leave far too many books out on the coffee table, she doesn’t vacuum every week, and she refuses to buy dishes that can’t go in the dishwasher, but there’s no mold or layers of dust or strange smells, and she can always find what she needs when she needs it. But now, everything was put away, there wasn’t a stray coffee mug or spoon out on the counter, her apartment smelled like lemon Mr. Clean, and she was starving. 

She untied her hair as she made her way down the street, letting the wind blow through it, cooling her from head to toe. She cut through the park, just enjoying the fall colours and not being drowned in stress for once. She let her mind wander, from a new Harry Potter fan theory she’d read on Tumblr to what she was going to get when she got to the Mills family diner. Her musing was cut short when she smacked right into someone. Her flustered apology was halted in her throat when the person gently held her arms to stabilize her. They were familiar, she’d felt them yesterday when she stood up too fast. She looked up as he released her. “Dr. Rhodes, sorry about that. I was a little lost in my head.”

“No worries, truthfully, I was spaced out too. And seriously, you can call me Connor, at least outside of work.” And for the first time, ever probably, Sarah took a good look at him. 

Though he smiled, it didn’t reach his eyes. They were a piercing blue, but they looked so... Tired. There was a discernible aching sorrow vividly holding his soul hostage. His hair was mussed and it looked like he’d been trying to yank parts of it from his scalp. His shoulders, while strong and broad, were incredibly tense. Sarah actually started to feel pain in hers just looking at him. His skin clung closer to his body than it probably should have, and his pallor making her uneasy. He moved his hands back to his sides, and in all honesty that was probably the most concerning part of him. People often made the mistake of thinking surgeons had soft hands, but that wasn’t true. They didn’t get callouses from their jobs, but their hands were by no means soft. They had to thoroughly wash their hands, forearms, and elbows, before and after every surgery or medical procedure they performed. Plus they had to use hand sanitizer before and after they worked on or even met with a patient. It took a toll on their skin, and you could often tell how much a surgeon had been working based on the condition of their skin. And Rh-Connor’s... It was dark pink, going into his sleeves so she couldn’t see how far up the problem extended to, the skin was cracking, and it felt like scales as opposed to skin.

“Alright, Connor, what are you up to?”

“I’m just walking, I guess.”

“It’s a nice day for it. How’s Robin doing? I haven’t seen her in a while.” A dark look crossed his face and Sarah immediately kicked herself, this was obviously a very stressful, very private, matter that she had just callously asked about. Yes, she had a lot going on, but she should have realized that there was a reason. A secret. “I’m so sorry I didn’t-”

“Robin’s been admitted to psych.” Connor hadn’t told anyone, and had gone to great lengths to keep it as much of a secret as possible. She worked there, her father worked there, he worked there, none of them needed Robin’s situation to be broadcast all over the hospital. But honestly, it felt great to tell someone, to tell Sarah, someone who wasn’t directly involved. Dealing with Dr. Charles throughout, the man who’d forcibly admitted his daughter to psych in the first place, and Ms. Goodwin who supported Dr. Charles, as well as all the staff treating Robin, was exhausting. 

“What?” 

“Robin was admitted to psych... By Dr. Charles.”

“Oh my god, are you serious? Is that even legal?!”

“It’s... Yeah, it’s a whole thing... Situation. Wow, uh, TMI, I guess. Sorry to spring all of that on you. What are you up to?”

“Uh, well, still pregnant, still getting an abortion. I was just going to get lunch. At the Mills family diner? Uh, I’ve spent the whole day cleaning and avoiding Maggie, and Dr. Manning, and J- the father. You could come, if you want, to the diner I mean, not avoiding the father of- okay this has gotten...” Connor just chuckled, his eyes starting to look slightly less miserable. “I probably won’t be good company, but if you don’t mind...?”

“Not at all, come on, and I’m sure that you’ll be great company.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lunch was surprisingly pleasant. It was awkward at first, but they found a rhythm. Honestly, they just ended up spending the entire time talking about Parks and Rec and Supernatural. It was so nice to talk about anything other than work and the plights in their lives. Connor looked slightly less strung out than when Sarah had first run into him. He seemed a little lighter and his smile really seemed more like a relief to himself. When he first gave Sarah that face-splitting, teeth=showing, jubilant smile he seemed to have shocked himself, confusion plastered all over his face, before a gentle smile flittered in and his body visibly released tension. Since then, he hadn’t stopped smiling, beaming brightly at her. Sarah briefly wondered if he’d smiled at all recently, with how turbulent his life has been. The silence between them was soft and warm. Comforting. They took the time to regard each other without any pressure or professional constraints, and it was nice. Connor sat across from her munching away on his corned beef sandwich, occasionally slurping away at his chocolate milkshake. The vigour with which he’d been eating made her wonder if he was actually taking care of himself. She took another bite of her Gabby’s mac ‘n cheese and savoured... Everything. The taste, her company, the atmosphere, this moment in time was the least hectic or nerve-wracking she’d had since she noticed her cycle was off. So she was just enjoying it while it lasted.

“You okay, Sarah?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“You just seem sluggish. And we’ve been here for a while and you’ve barely made a dent in your food, plus you’re drinking peppermint tea.”

“My morning sickness hasn’t been great, if I’m honest. This is normally my favourite thing on the menu, and I don’t normally like pancakes because they’re so starchy but lately they’re all I’ve been wanting to eat! It’s so annoying. This at least has chicken and loads of vegetables. And hey, pregnancy is tiring! I’m always so sore and achy. Plus caffeine withdrawal is ripping me a new one.”

“You know, if you’re having an abortion, you don’t necessarily have to abide by all the pregnancy can’ts. They won’t really matter, anyway. So, why are you following all the guidelines?”

“I don’t know. It just feels like... They’re still here. They still matter. I’m still their mom, I still have to take care of them.” She shrugged a little and stared at the rim of her white mug, fiddling with the handle. Unable to handle the weight of Connor’s gaze and her own words.

“Maybe you should have ordered the chicken noodle soup. Their recipe is really good, plus it’ll be light on your stomach.” Her eyes snapped to his. There was nothing but sincerity looking back at her. There was a little concern, and the question she’d been avoiding suddenly became tangible and took a seat beside her, whispering ‘are you sure you want an abortion?’ delicately in her ear. But he didn’t ask her. He didn’t make any comments or judgments. He was just there, across from her, offering her kindness and food. She moved the plate away from in front of her and smiled sheepishly at him as he flagged down Peter. “Hey guys, is everything alright? Reese, you’ve hardly touched your food.”

“She’s not feeling super great, do you think we could get a bowl of chicken noodle and a container for the pasta?”

“Yeah, no problem Rhodes, everything will be right out.”

“Connor, you don’t have to do this, but I do really appreciate it.”

“Good, because I appreciate you too and everything that you’re doing for me. Don’t look so confused, you’ve been a great sounding board and distraction. And I honestly really needed that. Plus, I figured that since I’ve got dirt on you so you can’t tell anyone about the Robyn thing.” There was absolutely no malice in his words and Sarah couldn’t help but laugh. It really was a relief to have someone to talk to about her baby, and he was right, if he did suddenly just spill the beans she could do the same in retaliation. She doubted he ever would though, he was an incredibly private person and valued privacy more than Ron Swanson. “Doris would have a field day with us, wouldn’t she?”

“Oh hell, Sarah, don’t even joke about that. If she knew...” She laughed again at his overdramatic shudder. But she knew he was right. No one could know. Especially not Doris.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was late in the day when they finally left the diner, the air cooling down from crisp to chilly, the winds much harsher and stronger than usual. Sarah’s apartment was only a ten-minute walk away but Connor insisted on taking her home. She’d managed to talk him out of walking her to her door, but not of driving her there. “What kind of guy would I be if I let a pregnant woman walk home alone when the weather just got worse?” Something in his tone, and the way he spoke so freely about her pregnancy, made her think that he knew something she wasn’t willing to consider just yet, but she was trying not to think about it. Instead, she focused on the interior of Connor’s luxury car. “Is this silver? On the door handles?”

“No... It’s platinum.”

“Really?!”

“Yes. What, do you want to hear about all the extravagant features in this car?”

“Oh absolutely.”

“Seriously?”

“Mostly cause I know it annoys you, but yeah.”

“Well, another time then, because we are here.”

“After a two-minute car ride. I could have walked myself.”

“I grew up here, you didn’t, when the wind gets that bad it’s best to avoid the outdoors.”

“Alright, well thanks for the ride and for looking out for my safety.”

“No problem, I’ll see you at work tomorrow, right?”

“Depends. I’ll spend most of the day avoiding Maggie and Manning which will involve lots of hiding.”

“Well, maybe we could hide together? I doubt that Robyn’s admittance to the hospital will stay secret for long. Plus, today was nice. We should hang out again.”

“We should, it really was refreshing. And, uh, if you do need a place to hide tomorrow, my spot is on the second floor of the atrium in the small hallway behind the janitor’s closet on the right side. There’s a couch there and because nothing else is down there no one really uses it, and it can be pretty quiet. As long as you don’t tell anyone else, you’re free to use it.”

“Thanks, Sarah. Something tells me I’ll be needing that information.” The weight that had evaporated over the course of the afternoon seemed to return, his movements slowed, his limbs appeared heavier, his smile dropped, and his eyes went dark, reflecting pain and exhaustion. Sarah honestly just wanted to give him a hug. But she couldn’t. They didn’t know each other that well, and spending the afternoon with him was already a little strange, despite how nice it was. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Connor. You should go home, get some sleep. You seem... Tired.”

“I am. And, I think I’ll do just that. Thank you, Sarah, really. This afternoon was really what I needed. And I do want to do it again sometime.”

“Then we will. Bye Connor.”

#One Chicago #chicago med #Chicago Fire #Sarah Reese #connor rhodes #connor rhodes x sarah reese #sarah x connor #rheese #Natalie Manning #peter mills

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#5)

S3 e3: Trust Your Gut. From what I remember this is a big one. I just remember this episode title honestly but we’ll see what happens.

-look at that! ava’s just casually in this scene, minding her own business, doing her job! you would never guess that this is a character who would later have a psychotic break and commit suicide.

-that’s really the point i’m trying to make. I hate all those posts where they’re like ‘i hated ava before, but season 4 has finally shown her true colors’ like not even?? no??? we’re trying to prove that that was never even a thing. i want to eliminate the possibility of s4 happening from your minds. nothing from s3 should ever be used as foreshadowing. that’s what the rewrite is about, ava being a good character. ava was never going to commit suicide. she was never gonna go psychotic. that should be ingrained in everyone’s minds.

-anyways, back to the episode.

-connor takes everything like a personal attack. relax

- i never realized how fun stoll was. like obviously not in the story but as a character he’s hilarious. unattached by everyone else’s drama

-awww. this maggie interaction is amazing. tapping sarah on the shoulder (neck actually but whatever) just to say hi. adorable. and sarah is already super jumpy. come on. her anxiety is already setting in. they really gave sarah two huge storylines in the same season.

-maggie... no one else would ever slash sarah’s tires. i mean honestly

-WHY DOES CONNOR HAVE TO CONTROL OF EVERYTHING - honestly ava was just reading off the chart and he can’t even let her do that he has to take over just to say the same things.

-and the way ava just takes it with her smug smile

-she is such a strong character there is no reason she would have gone crazy over connor she literally needs nothing from him.he has not ever had anything that she needed. 

- SHE’S JUST ROLLING HER EYES, SMIRKING, AND SHAKING HER HEAD AT THIS INSECURE MAN ava I love you.

-okay there’s no way i can explain it but after rolling her eyes at connor Ava turns and looks at the patient and instantly her face changes and you can see such pure concern in her eyes?? s4 ava could never (can someone please rb with a picture of what i’m talking about? it’s uncanny and so so sincere.)

- she’s in control of her emotions. she cares so much for her patients so don’t even try to play that card. the only thing connor has done literally since she got here is get in her way.

-AND CONNOR LOOKS AT HER WITH SUCH DISTRUST AND CONTEMPT. TELL ME HOW. this is insane. exasperating.

-and the way she smiles and comforts the patient. i mean come on. she’s just so amazing. AND COMFORTING. if ava really was as heartless as people say, she wouldn’t take the effort to do that. connor didn’t even do that, he just scowls at ava.

-which just proves my point, ava is only ever mean to people who she thinks deserve it. and, the more that I think about it, she’s never really actually mean. sure, she’s blunt and rude, but never cutting. she’s nice to her patients (and I know what you’re going to say, it’s not because she has to be. she’s a doctor, she still wants to help people). but when her patients are dicks, she’s not nice to them. she’s as snarky with as she’s professionally allowed to be.

-like, take this guy. he seems nice enough. he’s funny, polite, comes across charming, so ava is nice and is polite back to him.

-let’s move on.

-why is connor always so suspicious of ava. come on. he’s the one who should be sus. she literally said ‘Don’t worry, Ray, we’ll take good care of you’ and he’s giving her this weird side eye.

-ethan and will being in this board meeting is really adorable to me. like, just, bros.

-oh godddd sarah please relax. sweetie. please.

-sarah fucking tranqed him oh my god

-oh my god noah asking people for help literally shut the fuck up

-straight people are gross. not to hate but how does anyone sit through manstead

-connor literally needs to chill. I know this bit (they’re arguing over menial things in surgery) plays more to them just picking on each other, pulling each other’s pigtails on the playground if you will (i didn’t like that analogy but I used it anyway), but if you look at it, ava was only trying to help connor (suggesting a wider possible target and an easier to handle stitch) and connor took it wayyy to personally. sure the second bit of advise is just poking at him, but she suggested a better spot on the base and he shut her down without any thought.

-and then latham points out that there is no point in arguing, to which ava defers, then connor snidely says ‘Thank you, Doctor, Now, how about from here on out we keep the background noise to a minimum’ and ava just shakes her head, scoffing.

-at this point ava just likes annoying connor because its fun. it’s entertaining. he gets so upset. everyone’s done that, just be annoying for fun (its bad to say but i mean come on everyones done it)

-another point, ava immediately deferring to latham might read to some as her being a suck up but that’s not what it is.

-ava really likes seeing how close to the line she can get. she goes right up to it, but she never crosses it. the same is true with her interactions with other people outside of surgery.

-I really like this story of the girl who passed out and hit her head, and her brother’s a wreck, and her parents obviously think the brother’s a disappointment. and it was finals week so of course she wasn’t taking care of herself. and the brother knew that, and you can tell he cares so much and feels so bad. it’s nice

-complication on the surgery they were working on. ava comes in with a solution (off of connor’s mistake during surgery after not following her advice) but I have a sneaking suspicion that by the end connor will be back on top

-the effort it took connor to say ‘it’s a good idea’ come on man just fucking let it go

-i’m glad we’ve all agreed that connor’s just a dick

-aw look at that she even held the door for him. connor would never

-i don’t want to overly push the ‘med is sexist’ thing but how is it that in a storyline between nat and ethan, characters who have never been romantically involved, they still pull the woman thinks one thing, man refuses to believe it and is right dynamic. i mean come on med seriously. what the fuck is wrong with you.

-the look of annoyance and disbelief on ava’s face that connor hadn’t actually messed up. comedic, but also i get your pain.

-glad that latham sides with ava, ava advocating for a riskier procedure so they could ensure the blockage is removed)

-(something could be said about ava’s high-risk, high-reward ideals. you could even draw the parallel to events in s4 and s5, even though I really don’t want to. it’s an interesting and notable character trait to say the least)

-YOOOO I FORGOT HOW METAL THE PSYCH STORY GETS

-dude straight up cuts his abdomen open and his intestines spill out

-the fear and shock and emotion on sarah’s face make me feel so bad for her

-WAIT IS THIS THE EPISODE WHERE SHE LOSES THE END OF THE INSTRUMENT? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS? i am not prepared to watch an ava bekker breakdown rn.

-the shock on ava’s face when connor said nice job.

-ava actually tried to apologize to connor. well, not apologize but she feels a little bit bad for just how abrasive she’s been to connor. (connor didn’t necessarily have to make it super competitive). Ava said “Look, I know i have the tendency to step on toes. it’s nothing personal”

-and now they’re not arguing and are this close to actually working like a team

-and i cannot believe connor’s big one-liner is ‘Murphy’s law’

-the emotion on april’s face when the girl’s parents won’t even let her brother grieve for her. I feel it. astounding. its so painful omg

-ava: “your optimism is enchanting.” when i was writing earlier I was worried I wasn’t being accurate with her dialogue and making it sound too overly formal but i guess I nailed it. also, this line reinforces how much I love her (so does every other line)

-connor just refusing to give ava anything, no credit, no nothing. doesn’t even give her credit for earning the surgery saying “you may have elbowed your way onto the case, but he is still my patient” (I JUST TRANSITIONED INTO A QUOTE SO SMOOTHLY WHY CANT I DO THAT IN MY LANG RHETORICAL ANALYSIS ESSAYS YOU’RE KIDDING)

-hey it’s joey!

- i can appreciate him so much more when he’s not chasing after reese

-do you remember their first meeting? bickering over who gets the last splenda? (real meet cute amirite)

-dr. charles remarking how all the scientific advances can’t beat human instinct, nice little tie in to the episode title

-ava just smiling while connor waits for her to apologize. she. takes. no. shit.

-i literally hate connor’s face so much. it fucking looks predatory like stop looking at her like that. it’s almost like you were planning her psychotic break

-ava’s cunning, saying ‘we’ instead of ‘i’ when talking about the decisions being made. she’s smart. she knows what to do. She knows how to present herself. (and yeah, a little hypocritical that she said to connor ‘when you fail, I will make sure that it is noted that it was your fault and not mine,’ but like I said, she just knows how to present herself)

-latham: “Dr. Bekker seems to enjoy this discordance.”

-rhodes’ face when changing his mind and saying ‘maybe I do’ when asked if he enjoyed it too - he literally makes the dumbest faces. please. stop. (is it a straight people thing?)

Alright. Another episode down. 17 to go. This was actually a pretty good episode all around. Ava took none of connor’s shit and you’d have to squint to find any sort of romantic subtext in their interactions, which is huge win in my book. reese’s storyline wasn’t too bad, she didn’t go through too much trauma, which, the bar for watching med is incredibly low i guess. This was a really good episode for ava. like I said before, very little romantic subtext, and she had a redeeming quality in the way she obviously cared for her patient at the beginning of the episode.

The main point is something I’ve been reiterating again and again. Ava cares about her patients. Ava is mean to connor because she knows someone needs to put him in his place, and she is glad that it is her.

All in all, this was a pretty good Ava episode. Very happy.

thanks for sticking with it.

-

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

#chicago med #med rewatch series #mine #trust your gut

[sarahreeese]

Who is your favourite ship for Sarah Reese

I can ship her with nearly everyone, but it’s mostly in different contexts.

Sarah/Ava: She would have been the first person to not see Sarah as an intern or like how she was under Charles’s control. And I think she would have respected Sarah where no one else did. Also they’re painfully attractive and would  be those fabulous gay ladies who have an  elegant gorgeous home and spend their time vacationing since neither have much of a family. Like they’re definitely my favorite ship when written well. 

Sarah/Ethan: I will scream this until I’m done with this fandom: Sarah Reese is the only person who Ethan Choi has very consistently treated with kindness and compassion. They have really incredible chemistry and I think she’d actually make sense as the focus of Ethan’s attention unlike the (imo) forced and constantly embattled Chext*n

Sarah/Elsa:  Idk, could be cute. Like give me a story where Elsa is like obsessed with  this idea of Sarah as the Perf. Intern and is like why  the fuck is no bringing it up. They’d hate Dr. C together.

Sarah/April: Sarah Reese was in love with April the whole ass time. Those soft looks, the comfort. Like The OG Rexton was  where it was at. Give me pining and in love Sarah.

Sarah/Hailey: They’re both hot. Hailey’s a lesbian top who would treat  Sarah right. Post Texas confident Sarah would definitely peak Hailey’s interest. People should write them more. 

Sarah/Noah:  Hear me out. Noah was the  only person who was nice to Sarah in S3 thanks to fuck all Dr. Charles gaslighting her and making her seem crazy. He was a friend and a confidante, and I’d like to see them try to date, but actually end up friends. You all know Noah is the only one who has kept up with her because he is a stupid sweet fuck boi.

#reesker #Anonymous #reethan #rexton #the real rexton #repton

[janelevy]

the ladies go bowling!

this was a request from @thena0315 but i’m almost positive this ended up straying from what you imagined it would be, so my apologies haha!

summary: the ladies of med go out for the night to have some fun. to be honest this turned into an absolute crackfic because i ended up making fun of the crazy crap the med writers have inflicted on the women in this show. i got some hella bad news today so i really needed to make myself laugh, and this helped! i hope y’all like it too <3

mentions of cheating, sexcel (barely), and reesker!

“I can’t believe you’re making us go bowling.”

Natalie stopped and stared at Ava with her mouth hanging open in disbelief. “Hey! What’s wrong with bowling?” She motioned at the building in front of them. “I take Owen here all the time. It’s really nice.”

April smirked. “I don’t know, I sooner would’ve expected you to take us to an orchestra or opera concert or something.”

“Why would I take you to an orchestra when you can hear me play the violin in the comfort of my living room?” Natalie asked, adding an eye roll to show she was joking.

Despite that, Sarah frowned and clicked her teeth nervously. She was the last person to hop out of Natalie’s massive SUV. Nat claimed it wasn’t a minivan - it was a Honda Pilot or something like that - but with plenty of interior space and seven seats, it may as well have been a van.

“Your living room? With your kid’s toys all over the floor to, like, trip on? No thanks,” Sarah said.

Maggie crossed her arms at the youngest doctor. “Hey, Reese, be nice. You know Nat is the cleanest one out of all of us.”

“Still, though. Children make me nervous,” Sarah replied.

“Why?”

“I dunno... they’re just. A lot to handle all at once. I can deal with craziness from adults, we do that at work every day, but kids... yikes.”

They all pretended not to notice the way Ava’s hand slid comfortingly down Sarah’s arm, nor the way Sarah’s shoulder lingered close to the surgeon’s as they walked inside the bowling alley. To help conceal her surprise at that, Natalie gave an exaggerated sigh. “Ugh, it’s so hard being the only mom in the friend group sometimes. You’ll understand someday when you have kids of your own.”

April nodded, but Ava snorted. “Bold of you to assume we - she will have kids.” She was quick to correct herself, but they all still caught her misstep. Maggie leaned close to April and muttered in her ear, “I wish Monique and Doris could’ve come along to hear this.”

The place was pretty busy for a random Thursday night. The five of them had decided to go out after work together since their shifts all ended around the same time and the day had been fairly quiet, so nobody was drop-dead exhausted (yet). They all piled into Nat’s car in the hospital parking lot; someone suggested going to drink and dance at Molly’s, but it was shot down and somehow they ended up here of all places. A couple of kids high on nachos and fruit punch sprinted past them screaming, and Sarah grimaced.

They all chipped in to buy an hour of bowling along with five pairs of stinky, well-worn bowling shoes. Of course they’d seen and smelled much worse, so the shoes weren’t a huge issue. As they headed over, Natalie at the lead, she asked, “Wait, which lane are we at again?”

“Trauma three,” Maggie answered automatically. It was only when the others started laughing that she understood her mistake. “Oops. I meant lane three. It’s been a long day.”

For the most part, they passed time with small talk and cheering on each other’s utter fails. Nearly every time Sarah’s ball landed in the gutters, and Maggie’s ball had a knack for slipping right in between easily hittable pins. Of course only Nat seemed to have some talent, but that could be accounted to her frequent weekend visits with Owen. 

About halfway through April bought everyone a plate of crappy bowling alley nachos to share. “Bet eating these won’t land us right back at work,” Ava joked. Sarah dropped a plastic cheese laden chip in her mouth and went to take her turn. The first round she hit two pins, and the next none. This was really going great.

Then she went back to where the others were sitting and was greeted with complete silence. It was like a solid brick wall of silence, in fact. Sarah halted, the soles of her too-small bowling shoes screeching on the floor. All four of her coworkers were just sitting, staring at each other in apparent shock. “What?” Sarah demanded. “I’m not that bad, am I? Remember that time Ava’s ball didn’t touch a single pin two turns in a row? That was, like, twenty minutes ago.”

“It’s, uh...” Natalie gulped and shook her head quickly. “It’s nothing.”

“It obviously wasn’t,” Sarah countered. She chuckled nervously and stepped up on the platform where the table was. “Seriously, what happened?”

Ava swallowed her bite of nacho and gestured at Natalie. “Nat here shared that she thinks her lovely ex Philip is stalking her. I just did surgery with Connor on that prick’s daughter. See? No big deal.” Then she shoved another nacho in her mouth, neon orange cheese dripping on the table.

The pattern of big revelations during Sarah’s turn to bowl was far from over, of course. Next time she went, she was three pins away from what would’ve been a miracle strike, and again when she returned to her friends, nobody uttered a peep.

“What now?” Sarah said, face falling.

Ava jabbed a finger in Maggie’s direction. “She forged Nat’s signature to get Ben out of the hospital last week, then sneaked him back in as if nothing happened.”

By the third time, this was really getting old. Sarah walked up to the table of stunned women and she almost swore from the glint in Ava’s hazel eyes that she was enjoying this drama. 

“Well?” Sarah growled. “What did I miss now?”

“April cheated on Ethan and kissed Crockett yesterday.” Ava polished off the nachos, and every crunch grated on Sarah’s nerves.

“Maybe I just shouldn’t even go for my next turn,” Sarah said, sitting back down as April got up to go. “Apparently you all choose to say something interesting when I’m gone.”

Ava winked. “Maybe that’s not a coincidence.”

When Sarah’s final turn rolled around a few minutes later, she honestly did not want to vacate the area. It was too tempting to stick around and see what would be revealed next. But they insisted nothing would happen and shooed her away. Sarah didn’t even care which direction her bowling ball went; she dropped it on the floor and practically kicked it to get it moving faster. Somehow, though, she still missed it despite making every effort to rush through her turn.

Sarah zoomed back to the table, panting, and looked around at the thoroughly shook expressions on everyone’s faces. “Come on!” she whined. She swung her head toward Ava. “What happened?”

Ava smiled widely at her. “Well, Reese, I let it slip that we eloped six months ago so I wouldn’t get deported to South Africa.”

Sarah knew her jaw had to be on the floor at this point. A flash of anger passed through her only to be replaced with relief. “Well,” she sighed, shrugging. “At least now we can kiss and hold hands in front of everyone at work. I was really getting tired of hiding it.” She dropped down to perch herself on Ava’s lap and grinned politely at the others. “Anyway, I think you all might need some help.” She threw her arm behind Ava’s shoulders and planted a big kiss on her cheek. “You know, guys, I actually really like bowling. It’s like, super therapeutic, even better than Dr. Charles. We should do this again for sure. Ooh, and can we invite Elsa next time?”

Ava laughed, but all that she got in response otherwise was stunned silence.

Then April asked, “So... are we just gonna forget what happened with your dad, or?”

Natalie leaned over the table to look at Ava. “Ava, how’s Cornelius Rhodes doing?”

Sarah and Ava frowned at each other. Oh, shit. 

#chicago med #sarah reese #ava bekker #april sexton #natalie manning #maggie lockwood #reesker #fanfic

[hobartfrancis]

For now, the feature will only be available in English.

I would recommend practices run the CQRS report to ensure they are fulfilling the DES criteria. For now, the feature will only be available in English.. Thus, in the slave states, out of twenty-five free white children between five and twenty, there are not quite five at any school or college; while out of twenty-five such children in the free states, there are more than fifteen at school or college.. Seawater will serve. She was clad all in black, from head to heel, and wore no gold nor gems, but she was highborn, that was plain to see. It is either too windy, or too hot, or too cold, zapatillas de tacos futbolor too dry. “As you say. He agreed to a termination agreement that reduced his share in the hospital but granted him $127,000 in consulting fees. I looked with exultation on the scenes below. But at such moments we all usually listened to her with uneasiness, because in her reminiscences there were subjects we did not want touched upon. And when we are all together, all bustling around under the same roof for a holiday, do they then lapse into the deferential Grandma for the sake of propriety?. Father, Charles Braxton, had to leave his job as a landscaper in 2006 after a serious car accident left him with chronic injuries. Bunions: Does your big toe look like it is angling inwards. On this point may be introduced the testimony of one who has known the wormwood and the gall of slavery by bitter experience. I shall have the strength, perhaps, for that. To noon Tuesday,

scaun rulant inchiriere

Adventist Healthcare will hold a flu clinic at the Long Branch Senior Center at 8700 Piney Branch Road in Silver Spring. Finally went to sleeep at 2pm and woke up at 10 am the next day. She was reputed to be as cold as the driven snow, and frightened everyone by her immaculate, her menacing virtue. Bring a refillable water bottle, sunscreen, hat, long pants, jacket and closed toe shoes. Compression molded EVA midsole, extended TORSION SYSTEM, and adiWEAR 6 tough rubber outsole provide you maximum comfort and durability to excel in your game.. In general, small amounts of earwax is said to be normal in dogs. Being well

bocanci grisport 480

groomed is important for both career and social purposes. “A wiser prince would have known that you cannot send an ape to do a man’s duci alkalmi ruha work.” The queen’s men laughed, and several grinned at Davos. Because, the fact is, they are sitting on billions of dollars that the same taxpayers are fronting. He figured that little angel had burned up in the fire, along with almost everything else of hers. The Senators opened the scoring at 13:28 of the first when retros kabátok Milan Michalek quick transition pass to Erik Karlsson in neutral ice caught defenseman Zdeno Chara behind the play. It was said that he had led an idle and frivolous life in Petersburg, that he had disappointed his father llantas 4x4 online by refusing to enter the service. Silent and live auctions. The deck gave another violent heave, slamming the two of them together. She was flying once again, spinning, laughing, dancing, as the stars wheeled around her and whispered secrets in pendientes bulgari precioher ear. You can fit both of his legs into one leg of the pants." The idea is to find a sweet spot between skinny suit that would be favored by a smaller man, and something that makes him look like he's still 60 pounds heavier.. Gaitlin Mansfield rushed 12 times for 92 yards and a touchdown. He was a millwright for Columbia Nitrogen. “Cotter Pyke’s galleys sail past Hardhome from time to time. Now it's the defense's turn to cross examine the state's star witness. Roose Bolton entered, pale-eyed and yawning, accompanied by his plump and pregnant wife, Fat Walda. The last message sent to Deepwood had been from Stannis Baratheon, demanding homage. Other fashionable methods of masking up consist of minimum make up with a good pair of ankle heel boots or

bocanci grisport 480

wedges for a perfect night. When she started getting statements and bills she couldn't afford to pay, Richards realized she needed to put an end to her spending sprees.. After the goal, Leisner was replaced in goal by Alex Murray. His own cut caught her below the breast, but her mail turned it, so she drove the point of her dirk into his throat and left him to drown in his own blood. They boost up the height and almost make women feel like models. For his play, Pinero finds some people in his audience to re live their past. Then one day, a flyer appeared at the jazz studio where he had started classes: auditions for "The Nutcracker," at Ballet Arizona. The singer’s beard was brown, though his long hair had largely gone to grey. Or else they would have given up the effort, and each man would be sunk in his own pool of silence. She also was thrown into Bruin & Hill’s jail, batteria ai polimeri di litio amazon in Alexandria. While America TeVe will continue to deliver outstanding and award winning news programming under its "America Noticias" brand simulcast on MUNDO FOX at 5pm and 10pm, and its Entertainment Programming to the South Florida community, MUNDO FOX its sister station will challenge Univision and Telemundo, featuring the new and innovative "teleseries", a format mastered by their programming partner RCN (Television Group) of Colombia. (Martin Hill, Jr. As he ran, he saw through their eyes too and glimpsed himself ahead. Tell them from me, Vanya, that I know I can never be forgiven now; if they forgive me, God won’t forgive; but that if they curse me geci de fas dama scurte I shall always bless them and pray for them to the end of my life. One naked girl with mud up to her knees could not seem to take her eyes off Tyrion.. So the conclusion is simple, right? Take probiotics. The plant now buildstwo Ford icons:the Mustang and Lincoln Continental. Some are found come spring. His natural angle to the RHB helped him too. I took it as a compliment, which I'm not entirely sure was the expected retort to what was a well considered mid appraisal insult.. Michael Alan Reese, 56, of Long.. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.)Dr. To tell you the truth, yes. There is even a side window for those who like a view of their working system.. Elena was sitting at the table, asleep, with her tired little head pillowed on her left arm, and I remember I gazed a long time at her childish face, full, even in sleep, of an unchildlike sadness and a sort of strange, sickly beauty. If my novel doesn’t succeed — to tell the truth I thought this morning that the novel is a silly idea, and I only talked about it to hear your opinion — I could, if the worst comes to the worst, give music-lessons. Virginia (Odle) Jimerson, 91, a resident of Albuquerque since 1978, died Monday, October 8, 2001. They used a translation app on a cellphone, he said. Baseball Faith Christian Sarah Yocum Baylor Women Track Field JoeSiravo Western State Univ. I wanted to escape from her, but thank God she ran away herself. Verify Your Email Thank you for verifying your email address. Missions in Afghanistan and over Libya have reflected a shift from a European defense organization to a global security organization that confronts threats before they reach NATO border.

[page-doctor-bekker]

Rooftop - Part 1 (transfemme!sarah)

(A/N) hey! i have a long ass one-shot and i kinda of want to make it lead off a lil bit of a cliffhanger so i've got part one here for you. this takes place a few days after this oneshot

-

-

Sarah grabs her white coat from her desk chair, and stares at the embroidery.

Sarah Reese, MD

Dept. of Psychiatry

She sighed, before retreating to the bathroom to tuck and dress. Even after her orchiectomy, tucking was still mildly uncomfortable. At least she had graduated from using tape to using a gaff, which was much more comfortable and easy to take off at the end of the day.

Once she was dressed, clad in a pair of relaxed, navy blue dress pants and a pale pink button-down shirt speckled with cartoonish images of various types of fruit, she grabbed her lab coat, and shrugged it on.

There was a mirror on her closet door, and she caught a glimpse of herself in it. She gulped, and stood in front of it, staring herself down.

She pressed the pad of her thumb against her jawline, and dragged her skin around in a feeble attempt to soften it. Her jawline led her to her chin, the cleft in it causing a pang of dysphoria in her stomach. She puckered her lips, trying to make them look fuller, but that only exacerbated her chin. She sighed, and gave up. It is what it is.

She let her hand fall to her side, and fiddled with her coat. After a moment, she scowled at herself.

“Move on, Sarah, just move on,” She mumbled to herself, taking a hair tie from her wrist and putting her hair up into an unintentionally neat bun. No matter how hard she tried, she could never succeed in creating a messy one. That required more finesse than she had.

She smiled at herself, although her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I am a good doctor,” She affirmed, “A good doctor who made a mistake,” She quoted Dr. Charles, the thought of him filling her with calm.

“And Ava,” She gave herself a confident look, “Is not worth my time. I don’t even like her anyways.”

She paused for a moment.

“Because I don’t like women,” She shrugged, “And someday I will meet a man who loves me for me.”

“Don’t give me that look,” She snapped at herself, “Just because I’m not cis doesn’t mean I can’t be straight.”

“And I deserve better than Ava anyways,” She opened her mouth, then closed it, like a fish. She opened it again, “Someone better who is a man. I will find the man for me. The only reason I think I like Ava is because I haven’t found the man for me. That’s okay. I’m only 26. Some people don’t get married until after 30.”

“I am a confident woman,” She declared, “A confident straight woman.”

She started to walk away, but she looked back.

“And i’m a good doctor,” She said, sharply.

She saw Dr. Charles outside the hospital, and he waved her over. She ran to catch up with him, out of breath by the time she arrived, “Hello Dr. Charles,” She tried to catch her breath, thinking about how insane she must look right now.

“Dr. Reese,” He greeted with a nod, “How was your break?”

“It was very good,” She announced, “I feel like I am making progress with myself. I am a good doctor! What happened was a mistake, and it doesn’t define my clinical skills.”

He looked at her skeptically, “Good.. Good,” He gave a smile, “In my experience, all you really need after a mistake is to treat a few patients successfully, so I’ve volunteered you to be in the ED this morning.”

Her heart sank.

“And then, when Maggie dismisses you for lunch, come see me in my office and we can chat about what you did differently today,”

Sarah nodded, stuffing her hands in her pockets so she could fidget discreetly. If he knew I’m anxious, he might send me home again.

He gave her a pat on the back, “Holler if you need me. I’m just a page away.”

He left her at the doors to the ED and she took a deep breath, and smiled at the big red letters.

“Help! I need help!”

Go time.

She ran towards the direction of the voice, a large man in his mid-40s who was carrying a young girl, maybe 5 years old, in a bridal-style position.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Reese, I’m going to help you, tell me about your daughter,” She prompted, pressing two fingers onto the girl’s neck while awkwardly walking with the man.

“Ah, she’s my niece, Miranda Maxwell,” He corrected, “Uh, she’s almost six, she’s got a.. uh… Heart condition? She was born with it. Her mom said she sees a doctor here uh… Dr… Dr… Beaker? Brekker?”

“Dr. Bekker?” The name made Sarah’s heart flutter.

“Yes, that’s the one. Anyways, she collapsed today, and says her chest hurts, and she’s a bit blue around her lips and nails.”

Dr. Reese took Miranda from the man, and took a light jog into the emergency department. The man took off after her. Upon entering the ED, she called to Maggie, “Five years old with a congenital heart condition, chest pain, trouble breathing, rapid pulse, blue lips and nails, where do you want me?”

“Treatment five.”

Dr. Reese set the girl down on the bed and Monique rushed to start an IV, “Let’s get her on the monitors, and get her changed into a gown,” Sarah instructed, “And Maggie?”

Maggie looked up from where she was conversing with the girl’s uncle.

“Page Dr. Bekker, Miranda is a patient of her’s, and get Miranda’s parents here as soon as possible,” She looked back towards the girl, “Miranda? My name is Dr. Reese, I’m going to help you feel better.”

“It hurts,” She cried, clutching at her chest.

“I know, I know, we’re going to figure out why,” Dr. Reese cooed softly, before taking on a more serious tone with Monique, “Get a CBC, BMP, urinalysis, 12-lead EKG, and get her on oxygen until Dr. Bekk-”

“Talking about me?” Dr. Bekker startled Dr. Reese, “My ears were itching. Miranda, did you miss me? Is that why you’re back so soon?”

Miranda giggled through the pain at that, and Dr. Bekker smiled. Dr. Reese almost allowed herself to feel endeared by the rare display of kindness, but quickly regained composure.

“Maggie, where are we with her parents?”

“They’re on their way, but they said to do whatever it takes to help Miranda,” Maggie called back, and Dr. Bekker nodded.

“What seems to be the problem, Mindy?” Dr. Bekker pulled her stethoscope off of her neck, and pressed the drum to Miranda’s chest, and listened thoughtfully.

“I felt weird and then fell down. My chest hurts real bad,” She complained, “I can’t breathe.”

“Let’s get an echocardiogram,” Dr. Bekker noted to Monique, who nodded, and started to set up the ultrasound machine, “Does it hurt more when you breathe?”

Miranda shook her head.

She’s so gentle with her.

Sarah smiled.

“Okay, I’m going to look at your heart with this special tool, you’ve done this before,” Dr. Bekker assured, before squeezing the gel onto the girl’s chest and pressing the ultrasound wand down.

She can be gentle. And kind.

“Psych residents, I swear. God, isn’t anyone in this hospital competent?”

Sarah was shocked back to reality by Ava, who was snapping her fingers at her, “Dr. Reese? What tests did you order?”

“Uh… CBC, BMP, urinalysis, and a 12-lead-EKG?” She trembled, her voice seeming more questioning than answering.

“Okay,” She said quietly, focused on the ultrasound.

A few minutes of quiet later, Dr. Bekker put the wand away, “Clean her up, and,” Dr. Bekker looked back at Miranda, “And if I remember correctly, your popsicle of choice is cherry?” She winked at Miranda, removed her gloves, and helped herself to hand sanitizer off the wall. Dr. Reese nodded at Monique, who was wiping the girl off, and left as well.

“Um…” Dr. Reese started, “What do you think?”

“Transfer her up to the PICU and let me know when her parents get here,” Dr. Bekker told Maggie, before turning to Dr. Reese, “I think she’s in congestive heart failure,” She shrugged, “Did you see the ultrasound? She has a complete atrioventricular septal defect, she’s been my patient for the past year, we knew this was coming.”

“Why didn’t you operate earlier?”

“Her parents wanted to wait,” Ava shrugged and rolled her eyes, “Nobody wants to put their four year old daughter through open heart surgery. But now,” She gestured back towards the room, “Their five year old daughter is going to go through open heart surgery today.”

“Well is she going to be okay?”

“If I can get her in for- I’m sorry,” She interrupted herself, “Why do you care?”

“She’s…” Sarah balled part of her coat up in her hand, “She’s my patient, I just-”

“Not anymore she’s not,” Ava huffed, “Thanks for not killing her. Wish I could say the same for Mr. Nearling.”

Ava flounced off.

Sarah watched her leave, and turned to Maggie, who pointed at treatment 1.

“Ear infection.”

Dr. Reese nodded, grabbing the tablet the charge nurse was holding out, and heading to treatment 1.

By lunch, she had treated three ear infections, a gunshot wound, a miscarriage, and sent a psychosis patient up to the psych ward. By the time Maggie sent her off for her lunch break, she had practically forgotten about Ava.

Dr. Charles was waiting for her when she opened the door to see him, and he gave her a tight-lipped smile, “How was it?”

“Uh, good,” She sat across from him, and he pulled out his own lunch while she unpacked hers, “I saw Dr. Bekker.”

“Oh? How was that?”

Sarah tapped her foot, “One of her CHD patients came in, um…” She took a bite of her sandwich, “I ordered some tests for her. She was snarky about it when I talked to her afterwards though.”

Dr. Charles shrugged, “Well, Ava will always be Ava, regardless of-”

“She said, um… She thanked me for not killing the patient and said she wished she could say the same for Mr. Nearling.”

He sighed, and nodded, “Well, it’s only been a few days. She’ll get over it. You guys were good friends before, you’ll be good friends after a while..”

“Good friends?” She questioned, “What makes you say that?”

“Well, y’know,” He motioned back and forth with his hands, “You’d chat, you seemed to be happy when you saw her, she teased you a bit. All of Ava’s telltale friendship signs.”

Sarah was quiet, instead choosing to take a bite of her sandwich and chew thoughtfully.

“Tell me, Sarah, do you like Ava?”

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked, carefully.

“Like… You know, are you interested in her? Romantically?”

Sarah choked on her sandwich, coughing a few times.

“Remember to chew, Dr. Reese,” Dr. Charles reprimanded.

“I don’t like her,” Sarah defended, “I don’t care about her. I deserve better. If I still liked her after she talked to me like that, even if I liked her in the first place, I’d be crazy.”

Dr. Charles shrugged, taking a bite of his salad.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What?”

“The shrug.”

“What do you think it means?”

“Did you do Yolanda’s intake?”

“Who?”

Sarah nodded, stuffing her half-eaten lunch back into the bag and tossing it in the trash.

“Sarah, you haven’t finished your lunch-”

“Not hungry, I’ll see you around,” Sarah started to leave, but Dr. Charles stopped her.

“I’m supposed to pass a note on for you.”

-

-

(A/N) come back tomorrow for pt 2 lol

#chicago med #transfemme!sarah #my au #honestly i dont like this but some of the contextual stuff is necessary #whatever

[daaedoodles]

Building walls (just to tear them down) | 2, Memories

A/N, TRIGGER WARNING for semi-graphic descriptions of self harm and anxiety.

Cloaked in the darkness of night, the urges come again.

She knows she shouldn’t do it.

She knows she shouldn’t hurt herself anymore than she already has.

She knows she shouldn’t throw away all of that progress, all of the good in her life.

But she does.

That feeling is intoxicating, the quietness and the sense of calm that passes over her - a promise for a release in the pain she causes herself, a way to escape, to feel better - Sarah Reese can’t find the strength in herself to refuse.

It tempts her with every birthday that comes and goes, with every time she's taken the backseat, watching a past version of herself wandering through the endless halls of her childhood home.

She’s suddenly 18 again, standing in the kitchen staring down at a stove she once remembers being so much taller that despite her 10 year old self’s best efforts at tippy-toeing could hardly see the top of. Dragging the pads of her fingers against every wall of the house and memorizing each and every bump and dent beneath her fingertips. Sitting at the foot of the tiny bubblegum pink bed that was hers once upon a time.

The image of a little girl, a shiny rainbow party hat sitting on top of her lion's mane of curls that frames her chubby cheeks, catches her eye from across her bedroom. She’s sitting before a massive cake that’s at least twice the size of her head with the biggest smile on her face, flashing a missing tooth. Carefully piped clouds of white cream surround the words ‘Happy Birthday Sarah!’ piped in a pink, messy scrawl she recognizes as her own mother’s, atop the cake. Tentatively reaching out, she picks up the photo frame. A lump rises in her throat as she studies the photo with intent, feeling the grime of the dust that’s collected on it over years of never being even looked at. Thumbs sweep across the glass thoughtfully, hot breath shuddering against her cupid’s bow.  Her father is grinning too, bending down to the left of the young girl as he reaches out with a flickering flame in his hands to light the number ‘5’ candle that’s stuck haphazardly by tiny hands into the chiffon. Her mother is at her other side, an arm slung around her shoulders as she draws her close to her chest. It’s the only memory Sarah can begin to place as the last time she or her family were genuinely happy.

Because come her sixth birthday, her father is gone. 

He’d simply packed his things and left without a word. 

She remembers her mother’s voice, screaming and shouting protests through broken sobs. They paint the walls of a home she once loved in the dark blues and purples of the pain in her every cry. She remembers her father, his silhouette through the cracks of her bedroom door, grabbing fistfuls of her mother’s shirt. She can’t tell whether it’s the floor beneath her feet or her that trembles with every thud that reverberates through her home. 

Then, silence.

The next morning, his study has been cleared of every book that lined his walls, his half of the closet is suddenly empty and the photos of her family that hung in the living room are on the ground- cherished memories, now shattered beneath the glass of broken picture frames. 

Even then, aged five and three-quarters, she knew things would never be the same again.

Sarah Reese isn’t a sentimental person. There isn’t much sentiment to spare for the things in her life. They’re empty and hollow, she tells herself, nothing but painful reminders of the memories she could have made if things were different.

Despite every rational thought in her head pleading with her not to, she’s removing the backing of the photo frame and removing the photo that was affectionately placed for display all those years ago. She holds onto the foolish hope that after being let down so many times, she’d be ready to let go. But she stuffs the image in her pocket and packs her memories hastily into cardboard boxes. They’re crammed and shoved desperately into the back of a U-Haul, a last minute addition to a boot packed to the brim crisp, white boxes, full of more brand new things that could ever use.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there Sarah.” Her mother’s voice crackles through the speaker, the cold screen of her phone pressed against her ear. This time, she doesn’t feel her heart sink into her stomach.

Although, she can’t help but hope - that her mother might still come home and scoop her up in her arms like she’s five again, tears tracing down her cheeks as she places lipstick-stained lips against Sarah’s forehead in a goodbye. She knows better now than ever that it’s nothing but wishful thinking.

“I want to make sure you have everything you need.”

She’d convinced herself months ago where she’d go.

Chicago, thousands of miles away from Amsterdam. Thousands of miles away from all of it, maybe she’d finally be free of all of the haunting memories, of all of the silly hopes and pain.

But it isn’t so different after she leaves home and the dread that she’ll never escape begins to close in on her.

Sarah was alone on her 19th birthday, like the year before and the one prior and pretty much every birthday she could remember; left only with her thoughts that easily filled every inch of her apartment. They hang thick, full of grief as she mourns the loss of hope in the way the whiskey seems to coat every inch of her mouth and burn as it makes its way down her throat. Grief, a bitter companion in her isolation that refuses so adamantly never to leave her side.

She can’t tell how much she’s had to drink, too out of her mind to even think straight because suddenly the air is too thick to breathe and she feels like she’s choking, her chest tightening as she feels her heart begin to race. Her skull feels like moments away from exploding, the thoughts in her head too loud and too quiet all at once. Sarah can’t stop herself as her hands scramble, clawing desperately at her skin and pressing her face into her knees as the scraping of her fingernails cuts through the noise, a scalding heat spreading across her entire scalp. It’s the only thing she can focus on at that moment. The sensation of her fingernails digging into her skin, the strange dampness that begins to stick to her fingers and the harsh smell of metal that hits her nose. It doesn’t even register in her brain what she’s done to herself until she’s scrubbing her hands and fingernails of her own gore.

When it happens again, she finds herself subconsciously beginning to scrape at her skin, sending shocks of pain throughout her body under her touch.

It became a crutch that she found herself relying on more and more over time as things grew hectic with the turn of 20.

As the competition between her classmates grew tighter at 21, it wasn’t enough anymore.

So completely blind and oblivious to it - the way her entire life tears away at what was left of Sarah Reese by 22.

At 23, she was nothing but a terrified girl who’d learned to pin every last hope on her own self-destruction.

She’s 24 now. Sarah grew to appreciate the brief moments when that crushing feeling she’s lived with all of her life releases it’s relentless grip on her, where she smiles and laughs and then the weight on her shoulders suddenly lifts, in the memories of quiet comfort she holds close to the heart that she’d collected over the years in Chicago. It’s an absolute relief while it lasts.

But just as quickly as they come, they leave. It becomes easier to hate the good because those fleeting moments of freedom only begin to hang over her head, pointing at her, taunting, mocking, laughing at her.

25 and she finally feels like for once in her life, things might turn out okay. It’s still hard, every single day is a struggle because that hurt never truly goes away, no matter how badly she wants it to. She falls into the cycle of throwing her feet over the edge of her single bed in the cold winter mornings, wandering through her apartment with her mind still cloudy with sleep, slipping her flannel pajamas off her feet and into her work clothes then catching the bus to Gaffney Chicago Medical. In the ED, that girl realizes a warmth, a genuine sense of comfort and belonging in her colleagues and the companionship. Sarah Reese is exhausted and she can’t help but feel like she’s found a home, even a family, in these people. There’s a part of her that wants so badly to push them away so she can never get hurt again but she’s too comforted by the way her heart swells in their company, with what she can only discern in joy, to listen to it. Now, there’s a reason to fight and she doesn’t know if she wants to give up anymore.

Near 26, her pale skin.once a blank canvas was left brutally scarred and damaged in hues of purples, reds and whites. Scars layered on top of one another as she’d run out of space in places easy to conceal, easy to hide from people. There’s a sickening feeling of guilt that fills her each time she sees the damage she’s done to herself.

In the moment, she's too far gone to care. She’s lost count of just how many there are, just how many times she's found herself frantically trying to patch herself up, just how many times she's woken up to blood on her sheets and scabs under her fingernails.

Her thoughts barely come back into focus only as she’s shakily pressing the adhesive of the bandages around her wounds. It’s absolutely silent, her mind foggy and clouded with pain - the panic, fear and anger have passed - and she’s focused on nothing but the heat of the blood pooling at her skin and the darkness seeping and spreading across the white gauze. Sarah’s vision flickers in and out of focus, eyes hazy and heavy, begging for rest. As the adrenaline too begins to fade, just how exhausted she is becomes apparent as she falls back onto her bed, greeted by a pitch black when her eyes fall closed despite her willing them to stay open.

Sarah's jolted awake when her phone buzzes on her bedside table. Through her foggy vision, it's lit up with a brand new notification.

She groans, reaching for her phone and pressing fingers blood encrusted onto the power button. It flashes on, the time displayed in bold in the foreground of an image of herself caught mid laugh as she's surrounded by the people in the ED who are donning cheap Christmas hats and silly expressions, the ward around them decorated with paper ornaments on the glass of each bay in some attempts to brighten the place against hospital policies. Beside her is Dr Charles who has a hand raised and stroking the fake Santa beard strapped onto his chin. Halstead is directly behind her with sparkling red tinsel wrapped around his neck that extends its way down the row of Dr Manning, Connor and Choi.

The memory of the banter and laughs shared that Christmas Eve rises in her head and she feels lighter already.

She's staring blankly at her superiors and the tinsel that hangs off their shoulders with enough left over on either end to fall to a heap on the ground, brows furrowed and lips pursed. "Found it at Party City," Maggie announces nonchalantly, motioning from her spot where she's kneeling with the rest of the nurses, April on her left turning to face the younger girl with a tinge of concern in her eyes.

Sarah blinks, shaking herself out of her thoughts, eyes wide as she looks at the Head Nurse. "They sell Christmas decorations?"

Maggie laughs, "Never been Reese?" She queries, earning a shaking head in response. "They sell just about damn near everything."

She's dismissing the memories from her mind as she taps the text notification that pops into her vision.

It's from Dr Charles.

As her eyes scan the words, Sarah feels her lips begin to tremble as they turn upwards in the tiniest of grins.

‘Happy Birthday Reese :).’

It's funny how just three words could mean so much to her - how just a simple text could make her heart shatter into a million pieces and so carefully piece it back together again.

It’s a bittersweet feeling.

For the first time in years, she's not alone anymore.

#pieces!au #building walls (just to break them down) #reese's pieces #sarah reese #sarah reese's birthdays over the years #sarah reese fanclub #dr daniel charles #dr charles #chicago med #chicago med fanfiction #maggie campbell #april sexton #connor rhodes #natalie manning #ethan choi #gaffney chicago medical #tw descriptions of self harm #5+1 things but it's angst #hurt/comfort but mostly hurt #our girl is going through it #it gets so much worse before it gets better #rachel dipillo #all aboard the angst train

[purple-dahlias]

“Want some company?” for raindrops and coffee shops au? (only if you want to obviously!)

Heyy!! So this actually turned into part 3 of the whole raindrops and coffee shops au. The prompt you sent kind of ended up fitting with the idea I had planned for this part, so I hope you don't mind that <3

Once again, the rain pours down on the Windy City, making Sarah think they should probably just rename it the rainy city, because that’s what it seems to be doing most of the time, anyway. It’s been practically relentless for the past week or so, Sarah observes, looking away from her laptop screen and glancing out of the partially fogged-up window into the world outside. She’s sat at her favourite corner table in Callie’s, laptop open in front of her, trying to get through the multitudes of new reading material she now found she had since starting her psychiatry residency, a coffee and one of those heavenly cinnamon rolls keeping her company. Her shift doesn’t start for another two hours, so she has some time.

Sarah had never really considered psychiatry prior to Dr Charles offering her the residency post, and she’s finding that there’s such a lot to learn. It’s not a complaint though, because what’s even more surprising is that it is interesting. What had first started out as something she had treated as just being an opening back into the career she had all but quit had transformed into something she has been enjoying. It’s different.

It’s just as she’s about to go up to the counter for a refill though, that her phone vibrates on the table beside her. It’s her mother.

Won’t be able to make it this weekend. Tied up with a case.

Typical. But then again, what had she expected? If her mother hadn’t even been able to come down for her graduation, why on Earth would she stick to her plans for a weekend visit? Sarah doesn’t even know why she got her hopes up at this point. It still stung though, especially when she had cancelled the last three times too.

She nudges her phone away from her. Suddenly she doesn’t feel like that refill anymore.

She’s so wrapped up in her thoughts that she barely registers the woman standing before her until she’s there speaking to her, and even then, she sounds so far off.

“Dr Reese, hi. Night shift as well I presume?” Ava smiles, drink in hand.

It takes a beat for Sarah to realise she is in fact, addressing her. It’s still so new to her, being addressed as doctor.

“Uh, yeah,” Sarah manages, still caught off guard, but hoping Ava doesn’t think she’s some sort of idiot.

“Want some company?” The cardiothoracic fellow asks, to Sarah’s utter confusion. She can’t quite understand why someone like Dr Bekker would seem so determined to get to know her. She’s just a resident, after all.

“O-oh, sure,” Sarah nods, gesturing to the seat opposite, because she could use a distraction right about now. “And it’s Sarah, by the way,” the brunette adds, ducking her head a little as she watches Ava make herself comfortable.

“What’re you working on?” Ava asks, motioning to Sarah’s laptop.

“Oh, just trying to stay on top of things. I think I’m a bit out of my depth in psychiatry— not that I’m not enjoying it— but I just don’t want to fall behind. The other residents aren’t too happy with me being on the program. Guess they think I only got the spot because of Dr Charles, which is true in a way but…” Sarah trails off, realising she had been rambling and had ended up saying much more than she had meant to.

“I’m sure you’re doing great,” Ava reassures, not perturbed in the least. “And who cares what the other residents think. If they were my residents, well, let’s just say they probably wouldn’t be for long. But in any case,” she continues, softer now, “Dr Charles wouldn’t have taken you on if he thought you wouldn’t be a good asset. And I may have only been around a few weeks, but if I’ve already heard high praise about you from others, I can tell you’re going to make a great doctor.”

Sarah considers Ava’s words, taken aback, a rosy blush forming across her face which she knows is much more visible than she’d like it to be. She wishes now she had got that refill, because it would at least have meant there would be something to distract herself with right about now.

“Thank you,” she says quietly, finally meeting Ava’s eyes.

“Don’t mention it,” comes the response with a shrug as Sarah’s phone pings.

Picking it up, Sarah sees it’s another message from her mother. Three words this time.

Maybe next weekend?

Angered, Sarah switches the phone off, placing it faced down on the table, a little more forcefully than she had intended.

“I take it that was not Dr Charles paging you,” Ava says lightly, carefully, as she takes a sip of her coffee.

Sarah shakes her head no. She doesn’t feel like unloading that onto Ava right now. Especially since they barely knew each other. Ava, however is good enough not to pursue the topic and masterfully manages to change the subject.

“So, Sarah, since it seems we keep bumping into each other like this here, how about we make a plan, instead?”

“Oh, sure,” Sarah nods enthusiastically.

“Great,” Ava continues, giving Sarah one of her dazzling smiles, something that Sarah hadn’t realised she’d missed seeing.

(In fact, she’s so caught up in studying Ava’s face that she almost fails to hear the rest of what she is saying. Though luckily, Ava doesn’t seem to notice)

“How about lunch on Saturday? There’s this little Italian place I’ve been wanting to try out.”

“It sounds perfect,” smiles Sarah, and though she may not like it, maybe her mum not coming this weekend is a blessing in disguise.

“I’ll give you my number so I can send you all the details,” Ava tells Sarah practically.

“Oh, right,” Sarah agrees, opening up her contacts and handing over her phone for Ava to put her number into while Ava hands Sarah hers.

Maybe this day wasn’t so bad after all.

#raindropsandcoffeeshops!au #my aus #sarah reese #ava bekker #chicago med #asks #buiscitsandbooks #i hope this is okay!