𓍢ִ໋♡𓂃 ࣪ ִ receiving your blessings! ୨🧸୧
˚₊‧꒰ა roots ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
• feeling guilty about being given things you supposedly "dont deserve", like lots of love or gifts or whatever it may be, comes from a lack mindset.
• that is where you feel there is not enough of these things like love, gifts, money, etc. to go around. you think of the world as though there is always "not enough" and feel the need to push away the blessings you receive for someone or something else, or hold on to every little scrap of everything you find bc you fear you wont find it again.
• this comes from having a lack of things like love, money, affection, etc. in childhood and continues on as you grow up & get older.
one thing i've noticed is a lot of people actually treat this as a normal thing to push away the things youre given because you think "this is too much" or "i dont deserve this" or anything along those lines.
🧸 "i dont feel worthy of this" if you werent worthy it wouldnt be given to you. everyone and everything comes into your life for a reason, good or bad, and its your job to accept that and learn the lesson that comes from said thing or person. if someone offers you a gift, money, a job offer you've wanted, etc. if you know its safe then take it !!
── there are people with less money than you, less talent than you, less potential than you, out living your dreams just because you were too scared to take that opportunity you were given and just go for it. dont look back and think "oh, i should have taken that". dont let yourself have regrets when you know you can avoid them. life is to be lived, not feared.
🩰 "im not sure if i should" the opportunity wouldnt arise if it wasnt 100% certain it would benefit you in someway. obviously if you feel its sketchy or unsafe for whatever reason stay away from it and obviously do not go through with it or take it but if you know its safe and fine but youre still not sure then what are you doing!!! take it!!!
── you are refusing the gifts being given for what? worry? worry about what? who are you to doubt the gifts you are being given when you know its safe and you should take it? would you be concerned if someone gave you a gift on your birthday? this is the same thing. every day is your birthday if youve got the right mindset 🫶
🧸 "someone else deserves it more" what. think if you got a present on your birthday and it was something you'd wanted for aaaaages. would you sit there and think "no, someone else deserves this more than me"? if the answer's yes then you need to get your priorities straight ml im sorry. this was given to you for you. why are you doubting the universe- the world????? what???? girl what
── ok this can go two ways. if its something someone else genuinely needs because they dont have it and could heavily benefit from like fresh water, a job offer, a housing offer, fresh food, i would give it to them if i already had those resources for myself too because everybody needs those. they're basic necessities to live & thats basic empathy. but if its something you dont need to live but really really want and are being given the chance to obtain then what. are you doing. girl. take it! what is your problem!
🩰 i think if you find yourself saying or thinking these things often, pause for a second and ask yourself why you think this. is it something to do with growing up, the people around you, your financial status.. whatever it may be, it always helps to find the root of the problem. ♡
treat yourself to whatever you wish! you deserve it just because you are alive. that is a difficult task in itself. you deserve it just because you want it. you work so hard, so why shouldnt you have the things you want? take that gift, take that money, take that date, take that offer. life is too short to regret what you could have had 🫶💕
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high school timber is all about repression!!!
it's about bernard desperately trying to prove to himself and his parents that he's straight!! because his parents already don't like him and he cannot be gay. not now not ever!!!! so he puts up this front of a ladies man and he picks a girl he cant ever get together with and maybe he kisses like 3/4 of the female population at grieves and gains a reputation but hey! at least he's not gay! but he's so caught up in making sure his eyes don't to stick too long on tyrone's face or michael-from-biology's eyes or kabir-from-study-hall's thick thighs that even his attraction to women is under a filter. and it's not that he doesn't like women, he does! very much so!! but it's that he's soo caught on not being perceived as gay that he cant show his attraction to women the way he'd like to. it's all under this filter of what he thinks Real Men who are attracted to women act like so it's this brash, loud, crass, thing and it's not him at all. it's "ooh tim, ms. winters is soooo hot!" or "hey kayla, why don't you and i get to know each other a little better, if you know what i mean?" or "god her tits are soo big. she's so fucking hot!" and all this other shit when he really means, "tim, why the fuck does your stepmom have such a pretty smile?" or "kayla, you said you liked yugioh? i'd love to hear more about it!" or "god fuck, that girl has such pretty hands. i think if i held them i'd combust." but none of that is how a Real Man likes women so he shuts that shit down before it even has a chance to come up. it's fine, he's fine. so what if no one ever holds him like he holds those girls? it's fine. he'll take the manwhore label and the fuckboy title and he'll give out as many kisses as those girls want and if sometimes when he's kissing a girl he wonders what it'd be like to sit on kabir's thighs or if tyrone's lips really are as soft as they look, that's just the devil speaking. and if sometimes when he walks back into the cafeteria at lunch, lipstick still smudged on the corner of his mouth, after making out with a girl and his eyes skirt over tim's lithe body and he wonders what it'd be like to draw out the same sounds he's heard girls make when he kisses them, or what it'd be like to brush his thumb over tim's hands, or what it'd be like to hold tim or press a kiss to his shoulder, or a million and one other things, well that'll just have to be another one his secrets.
and it's about tim who's in a relationship with stephanie and his dad knows he's robin and he doesn't have time to figure out why his mouth goes dry when the light hits bernard's hair just right. he's too busy trying to figure out a way back to his nightlife. and so what if bernard has pretty pink lips that look very plush? so what if he's looked at some of his teammates and thought they were handsome? he's not blind!!! he has a girlfriend! and he loves her! and so what if his hand brushes bear's during fourth-period bio? so what if the tingles last all day? it was just some static! and it doesn't matter that when bear laughs his eyes get squinty and they water over -- cause bear always laughs so hard he almost cries -- and it sounds like bells. and it doesn't even matter, that sometimes when bernard walks back into the lunchroom, 10 minutes before the bell rings, lipstick smeared across the corner of his mouth, lips tilted up in the most charming smirk he's ever seen, that his chest fills with jealousy. it doesn't matter that his hands clench into fists so hard that his nails leave crescents marks all day. it doesn't matter that he wants to be bear's flavor of the day, week, month, whatever. he wants to leave the lipstick marks!! he wants to know if bear really is as good as he hears the girls speak about!!! he wants to know "that thing bernard does with his tongue!" is! he wants to drape himself over bear the same way he sees those girls do! he wants to know what bear's hands feel like gripping his waist. he wants, wants, wants!!! but it doesn't matter. it doesn't. he's got a girlfriend, her name is stephanie, she's gorgeous and, most importantly he loves her. he's too busy for bernard anyway.
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