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inkskinned · 1 year

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one of the things about having an unstable parent is that it can so easily ruin your future. you want to get out, but getting out takes having agency. it takes the resume and the grades and the stellar community service history.

but you have to choose your battles. you know if you sign up for an after-school activity, it'll be okay for a while, so long as the activity is parent-approved and god-fearing. over time, like all things, it will become an argument (i can't keep carting your ass to these things) or a weapon (talk to me like that again, see if you get to go to practice). sometimes, if you love the thing, it's worth it. but you also know better than to love something: that's how they get you. if you ever actually want something, it will always be the center of their attention. they will never stop threatening you with it. telling you of course i'm a good parent, i came to all of those stupid events.

you learn to balance yourself perfectly. you can either have a social life or you can have hobbies. both of these things will be under constant scrutiny. you spend too much time with her, you should be at home with family is equally paired with you're acting like this because you're addicted to what's on that goddamn screen. you cannot ever actually win, so everything falls within a barter system that you calculate before entering: do you want to learn how to drive? if so, you'll need to give up asking for a new laptop, even though yours died. maybe you can work on a computer at the library. of course, that would mean you'd be allowed to go to the library, which would mean something else has to bleed. nothing ever actually comes free.

and that bitter, horrible irony: you could be literally following their orders and it still isn't pretty. they tell you to get a job; they hate that your job keeps you late and gives you access to actual money. they tell you to do better in school; they say no child of mine needs a tutor. they want you to stop being so morose, don't you know there are people who are really suffering - but they revile the idea you might actually need therapy.

you didn't survive that fall the way other people would. you've seen other people scramble and get their way out, however they could. maybe you were made too-soft: the answer didn't come to you easily. it wasn't quick. it was brutal and nasty. some people even asked you why didn't you just work hard and escape during school? and you felt your head spinning. why didn't you? (they control your financial aid. they control your loan status. they love having that kind of thing). maybe in another life you got diagnosed sooner and got the meds you needed to actually focus and got attention from the right teachers who helped you clear hurdles to get up out of here - but for now? here?

the effort of trying. the effort of not-dying. that kind of effort was absolutely agonizing.

#writeblr #btw i got out #even though i felt this way #i was undiagnosed and was in a particularly fucked up situation #(it's complicated lol)#i had no money and no way out #no car no license . i still had a curfew at 22 years old #and still. i got out.#you can get out too.#i wasn't allowed to literally do anything after school we were pretty much only allowed 1 hobby #and STILL i got out.#it wasn't bc i was particularly smart or capable or clever. it's that 1. i got lucky & 2.#i knew there had to be The Rest of The World #and I wanted to at least VAGUELY get to the Rest of the World before i gave up trying #sometimes it's the spite that gets u thru it. that sense - fuck u #FUCK YOU ACTUALLY.#im gonna make my own life u stupid bitch. since u seem so convinced i could never REALLY do it.#whenever ppl are like <3 just cut out ur parents <3 im like <3 have u never been poor lol <3 #<3 i needed them to sign my loans <3 #<3 bestie not every person who is struggling is going to be able to make the grades and hero status to get a free ride.#and guess what baby!! we still deserve to get out and have a good life.

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novelconcepts · 6 months

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more and more it's feeling like we just...don't have room for people trying anymore. it's all or nothing; get it right the first time, or be crucified by a jury you can never fully see or convince. and this isn't new, isn't born of current events. it's become more and more prevalent over the last ten years thanks to social media putting every little thought on blast, but i'd put money on the idea that it's actually been brewing much longer than that. and, for me, it goes beyond being tiring or upsetting. it feels bleak. it feels downright fucking broken that we're all so busy trying not to condone anything remotely problematic that we don't leave room for good faith learning. watching people trying to suss out their own identity--something literally ONLY they can fully understand or explain--be vilified for trying to fit words around their own experience sucks. watching people misunderstand something and try to apologize for it later, only to be told they should have known all along, sucks. seeing people who once held truly toxic beliefs actually grow and learn and apologize and still be told to fuck themselves as if they're a lost cause--it sucks. just. does that not fill you with despair for the state of things? does that not break something in you, to think that if you one day don't understand something, or misuse a word, or grapple with complicated feelings, it will forever stain you in the eyes of perfect strangers?

dude the world is fucked, and we all see it, but like. it doesn't feel like it helps to be so goddamn reactive. it doesn't feel like it helps anyone to demand perfection out the gate. it's exhausting. there are enough people out there who don't want to learn, who aren't trying, who actively revel in cruelty. looking for malice in every little fuck-up from people who seem to be genuinely striving to live their lives with kindness strikes me as lending strength to an army that already glories in suffering. and makes the world look more fucked than ever. and i really don't know that that energy is what we need when there's already so much to set right.

maybe it's just me. maybe this last decade just shattered something in me. but i really, really hate the idea--reject the idea, frankly--that people can't learn and change and grow. that people can't be better than a bad day or a failure of understanding. i reject the idea that people are something to be thrown out because they fucked up. it just seems...yeah. bleak. really fuckin' bleak.

#personal #i dunno dude #this is that fighting energy from earlier. found some actual words for it i guess #but i'm just so tired #shit's fucked. some shit's complicated. and some isn't--some feels incredibly straightforward to me.#and to the next person maybe there's more nuance. it's all so fucking...there's so much to process all the time #and i catch myself in knee-jerk mode #i catch myself writing people off. making lists in my head. sometimes it's just purely a matter of safety #but god the things i'd give for some of those people to come back into my world #to learn. to grow. to apologize. to decide they value kindness and life over brainwashed beliefs #i would give so much for those friends back. those family members. those people i knee-jerk wrote off back in 2015 #i shrunk my world down when i cut them out. i shrunk it down when i told them to fuck off instead of having a conversation #i actively made my safety net smaller in the effort to keep myself protected #and i just keep watching other people do similar things #and thinking like. if i could go back. if i wasn't so hot-headed and Certain that evil thoughts make a person evil #or that miseducation or ignorance or straight-up brainwashing broke a person for good #maybe it would all be different now than it was for my 25-year-old self #i just. i don't fucking know.#people are trying. people need to KEEP trying.#and telling them they're shit for NEEDING to try is only ever going to carve out the part of them that wants to be better #the world is fucked. why help fuck it even more. what is the point of that.#and i'm not saying don't call people on their shit. but maybe calling them shouldn't look like telling them to kill themselves #maybe it should involve a little grace #slamming doors just feels like it makes the house smaller. and shuts off exit routes you might need later #and i kinda wish i'd known that in my 20s

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rawliverandgoronspice · 8 days

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trying to assign instruments to gerudo characters for thralls' soundtrack. Nabooru is getting the sitar so far, as I think she's good at representing the gerudo side that's closer to the Wild Era in terms of long-term vision for gerudo prosperity, not to mention that it works great for a more laid-back character; though Iftaah could also get that aspect, even though her perspective is a little bit more desperate and a little less actually strategizing about diplomacy and commerce in the way that Nabooru's is... not sure I have nailed down the perfect instrument for her yet though? Maybe a duduk, for its plaintive quality and capacity for softness? But I don't know, I feel like there could be something better out there. Saeruk and flamenco guitar seem pretty great fit for the versatility of the instrument, both harsh and defiant, playful at times, but also extremely sad if needs be, and the fact that she represents more the "older" kind of gerudo works well with more hispanic/romany inspirations. And then there's Aveil, who I feel represent the best the connection of the gerudos to their land, and I'd love an instrument that really represents that. Still looking for that one.

There's a bunch of fun things for Ganondorf that can be done, but I think he'll get... bigger instruments, in general. And church organs are quite versatile too it turns out. :) I like the marimba from his first phase boss battle, but it's a little too... I don't know, I feel like it lacks the roundness and depth and imposing quality that we could get with other picks. But Ganondorf so far has about *eight billion* leitmotifs going on with what I have selected for him (him and Ganon's, as they are... not exactly separate entities in the story, but sort of, it's kind of weird), so it might be more a case of actual melody rather than instruments, or maybe on top of instruments that swap in and out depending on what we want to invoke...

Sorry, rambling, but I would really love to compensate for my lack of voice actors with a pretty meaningful stab at the soundtrack. I feel like I kind of have to honestly. ;;

#thoughts #thralls of power #animatic project #gerudos #nabooru #ganondorf #I need to upgrade my music software and stop using Logic 5.5 that came out in 2002 ;;#and gives me between 30mn to 2h before subjecting me to a coinflip about whether or not it corrups my savefile #never really had the material for a proper upgrade but I really want to make one and that seems the perfect opportunity for that #also yeah nabooru has kind of a big role in thralls!#she wasn't there at all in descant or just in passing #but she becomes kind of an important player in this version of the events #her antagonism with ganondorf is. definitively there let's say.#it's funny I actually kind of used descant as a brainstorming ground for thralls in many ways #as every single character arc is just whatever I began to sketch out in unhallowed vespers #but like More and More Deliberate and more focused too #there's a bunch of threads I completely cut out #so it won't be a perfect 1:1 #which is for the best I think I just hadn't spent enough time with some characters to truly get them #I'm much more confident now #Iftaah is perhaps the one that needs the most work at the moment? she has a Bad Fucking Time so I need to make sure #it goes to places that not only serve other people's arcs but also her own --and that she ends the story in a meaningful place narratively #Serielle also needs work but more in the sense that's there's so much happening in her brain. and it's pretty difficult to convey.#but I fully know what's going on in there at least even if it's wildly convoluted #anyway!! rambling rambling sorry sorry #I am frustrated that I can't actually work on it so here I am rambling #ok back to work now

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ask-the-bone-boys · 4 months

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WIP SNIPPETS!

HELLO i want to prove that i actually AM working on stuff (actually because i need to share things or i will explode) SO here are some sneak peeks for the three whole wips i've been cooking lately!!!!

Chapter 3 of Familiar Faces

(some context: "Papyrus" is Stretch, "Red-Papyrus" is Edge, they don't have their nicknames yet </3)

“Who designed all these, anyway?” Russ asked, squinting a bit as he poked at a powered-off laser. “I know a Papyrus wouldn’t come up with a display like this.”

“They’re mostly old puzzles from back when those were still a big thing,” Papyrus said. “We’ve been too busy to make new ones, and we’re still trying to get rid of all the solutions-”

“Oh, these are ancient!” Russ groaned, rubbing his hands down his face like it was the worst thing he’d heard all day. “Okay, okay, good news! You have us here now! We will amend this!”

“You really don’t gotta-”

“If we don’t it will be an affront to traps everywhere!” He looked through the toolbox they’d brought along. “We’ll need some more tools, but… Hey, Papyrus?”

“What?” Papyrus and Red-Papyrus said simultaneously. They squinted at each other.

“That one, sorry,” Russ clarified, pointing to Red-Papyrus. “You know what we’re looking for, right? Do you think you can dig around and find anything like that?”

“...Yes,” Red-Papyrus said somewhat reluctantly, backing off from where he was inspecting a rusty saw blade. “Blueprint paper, flamethrowers, scrap?”

“Right on the money!” He snapped his fingers into a gun shape. “Also some power tools, bigger wrenches, maybe some gasoline… And, whatever else you come across, I suppose!”

“I can grab that stuff if you want,” Papyrus offered, fairly certain he’d know where to find it better than someone who’d allegedly only been in this universe for a day.

“Nonsense! I need to show you how to bring these hunks of junk to their full potential!” Russ said, grinning as he raised a hammer that was far too big for the toolbox he’d pulled it from. “We’ll start with some percussive maintenance!”

mourning the loss of the horizontal line in the text editor-------------------

Something's Wrong With This Guy (WORKING TITLE LOL)

(Context: Edge's perspective, takes place before meeting Stretch)

“Russ?” He called out. “God dammit, Russ, where did you go?”

He scanned the area for even a hint of where Russ had run off to, but he could hardly see a thing. Maybe he was being smart for once, hiding in a bush somewhere. He wasn’t in any state to fight. He’d sooner topple over before he could get a word out.

There was no answer. Of course there wasn’t. If he was hiding, answering would give him away.

Unfortunately, that was just as likely as if he were already dead.

He finally caught another glimpse of the attacker, sending another round of attacks their way with a renewed fury. No matter what had happened, he’d make sure he dealt with it appropriately.

Right as his first round ended, he rushed in close, forgoing his magic just to pin them against the ground. He held them there by the neck, rearing back his fist.

Then, finally, he saw Russ, grinning up at him and cutting through the thick fog of adrenaline like a knife.

He shoved himself off, his anger dissipating just as quickly as it had arrived.

“Aww, but it was just getting fun!” Russ complained, pulling himself out of the snow and brushing himself off. “I had a suspicion you’ve been holding out on me, but…”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Papyrus shouted. “I could have killed you!”

“Isn’t that what you want?” He pointed out. Papyrus couldn’t find a response. “Besides, I’m fine! That was fun! Come on, let’s keep going, we can-”

“No.”

“But-”

“You are incredibly lucky that both of us are not dead,” Papyrus hissed, gesturing to the open area around them. “I don’t give a damn how much of a death wish you have, but if you want me to have a part in it, I will do so of my own accord. Otherwise, leave me out of it.”

“So… You don’t want to kill me?” Russ asked. Papyrus sputtered, quickly gaining the urge to prove him wrong as a smile grew on his face. “Oh, Papyrus, you’ve grown so much! I’m so proud of you!”

With a swift smack to the back of his skull, Papyrus finally began to drag Russ to the house.

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Reboot Part 1: Swapfell (working title)

(Context: Fluff's perspective, his very own introduction fic :'> so proud)

“What the fuck was that,” he growled, not caring to greet the bastard on the other end.

“I asked Alphys to install a plugin on your phone that’d get you to answer it for once,” Sans answered. He could hear the smile on his face. “It only activates after five missed calls, so really you’ve only got yourself to blame for this one.”

“Fuck you.”

“Hey, saves me the trouble of having to run back home to make sure you’re not dead.”

“And what’s so important that you had to wake me up in the most assholeish way possible?”

“I needed to tell you- wait, I woke you up? Papyrus, have you been sleeping all day? It’s seven in the-!”

He hung up.

It took about a minute for the phone to ring again. He snickered, imagining his brother coming down from his tirade just to realize he’d been lecturing a ghost the entire time.

He stared at the screen.

Five calls, huh?

He answered on the fifth, on the very last ring.

“Point taken,” Sans said, resigned. He was probably pinching the bridge of his nose in that way he always did when Papyrus pissed him off. “Look, I just wanted to tell you I’m gonna be working late again, okay? Some stuff came up.”

“Wow, that’s a huge diversion from what you do every single day. Super urgent news for me to know, couldn’t possibly have just texted me that.”

“You regularly make me wonder if you’re even receiving my texts because you never answer them. The only way I even know your phone works is when I ask if you want takeout.”

“Maybe you should learn something from that.”

“I’m not going to bribe you into answering my texts, Papyrus.”

“Don’t be surprised when I don’t answer ‘em then.”

“Papyrus-” Sans started, but cut himself short. Then, he sighed. “...Look, kid, I don’t want to argue with you. I just wanna be able to know you’re alright. I’m sorry it’s annoying, but I can’t– ...I just need to know, okay?”

Papyrus didn’t respond. He clenched his jaw at his brother’s change in tone.

“If you’ve been sleeping all day, then you probably haven’t eaten,” Sans continued. “I’m pretty sure there’s still some leftover stir-fry in the fridge. You should have some. It might be a bit spicy for you, but it’s good food.”

He hummed plainly.

“...Well, that’s all I wanted to say. I gotta get back to work now, but I’ll see you when I see you, yeah?”

His jaw clenched just a bit tighter.

“Love you, kid.”

He hung up again, for real this time.

#oh holy shit what do i tag this #i might just stick with #fic update #for now #not gonna give fandom tags or anything we dont need all that #but YEAH this is what i meant when i said updates would be wayyyyy less linear lmao #every one of these takes place at a different point in the timeline #they're almost all before the blog's events tho #fluff's will be the first to actually get into the “present” time #meaning im officially cutting out the babybone arc SORRY #half of it wasn't canon anyway 😔#also damn people not having nicknames is so much easier to get away with in ask blog format this is gonna get MESSYYYYY #as of now the one with only russ & edge is closest to being done btw !!!!#ahem ok no more stalling posting now here yuo goooooo

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dimiclaudeblaigan · 6 months

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Honestly though, this (what Ashe is pointing out) is exactly why I don't think GW could possibly end well. There's no "talking it over" after all the bloodshed (especially bloodshed started by them, and especially bloodshed started by them that didn't have to happen).

The way the narration leaves it "open" too at the end of GW just comes across as "it failed". It feels like... a kind of pointless story?

And I know some people might think that since Dimitri personally isn't as deeply affected by losing Matthias and so might be willing, that's still no good if his people and closest allies aren't. Rodrigue and Sylvain wouldn't be so forgiving, and I do think Dimitri would follow suit because that's his father (Rodrigue)'s closest friend and one of his own closest friends' father.

Add that to the fact that they have Sreng to deal with still (and I imagine sooner or Sylvain would figure out that Leicester had a hand in provoking Sreng to attack Faerghus) on top of losing Matthias and I imagine all the stress and aggravation wouldn't bode well for Leicester as far as Claude's thinking of things working out goes.

I just really can't see where GW goes afterward that would be "good" or works in Claude's favor at all. Maybe that was the intention and it was meant to be a route with a completely tragic ending, but apparently there are players who think it would end well and whatnot and I just can't see that happening (both from Faerghus' end and from Adrestia's end, the latter of which Claude discussed within GW itself).

If their intention was for a totally tragic ending, like yeah, I can see that... but as always the writing muddies the waters to make it sound good while something bad is happening. It keeps trying to have a positive spin on bad things as if they're just afraid to commit to a fully bad ending.

#DCB Three Hopes Run #also to be specific the reason I just call Rodrigue his father outright is bc he refers to him as a “second father” in Houses #but I'm not gonna literally write “his second father” every time I mention it and honestly “adoptive father” doesn't work for me either #bc him being an adoptive sort of parent doesn't make the fact that he /is/ a parent to him any less valid #like a parent is a parent and I don't feel the need to point that out and the feeling is mutual between them #if Rodrigue is literally calling him ''my boy'' it's a pretty cut and dry parent/child relationship #obviously I'm using Houses context in this case but it's still accurate in Hopes #and I just can't see losing Matthias going over smoothly at all and things getting better with time #I mean Matthias is such a major player in Faerghus and so important that I just can't see them being like #well it was only /one/ important bigwig who died. like no it was one important bigwig saving a whole lot of lives #who is also very intelligent and has a deep say in politics. that's ofc not counting #as Ashe says here in AM in reference to Adrestia that they've killed so much on both sides bc of the war #that he can't imagine just sitting and talking now. just because we as players only saw one named character die #and just because that character wasn't a playable character nor a returning character we already knew and loved #doesn't mean hundreds if not thousands more didn't die in Leicester's invasion #like Ashe says here I just don't see how both sides could sit and talk after all that #esp since Sylvain would prob be involved and uh... Sylvain is... a very emotional and angry person #and extremely vengeful (and they rly leaned into that side of him in Hopes in all routes)#I canNOT imagine talks with him involved not getting heated and aggressive #and he'd /have/ to be there bc he's the Margrave now in GW. if they want to have important talks like that #they need all their major players which like even if Felix say wasn't there #Rodrigue has basically equal authority as Felix bc Rodrigue has the respect of experience and has proven himself #so they could be swapped out for talks and Felix being the ''official'' Duke wouldn't affect talks in the least #if Rodrigue was/had to be present instead. with Sylvain you've either got no other options #or you've got Miklan who I can't imagine would want to even get involved with all of that #both bc of his mixed feelings on Matthias but also bc he's been out of the political atmosphere for so long #so yeah I uh... can't... see talks ever going well unless Claude legitimately makes amends somehow #or Houses Claude gets in there smacks him around and fixes some shit before heading back to his own verse lol

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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 4 months

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:(

#cw animal injury #i turned on the lights and our dog is covered in blood like??? hello???#since when were you doing that and why didn't you tell me??? *cue frantic searching for gauze*#there's a big cut where his ankle meets his leg (inside of the hind right leg)#i have no idea how that happened #our dogs play rough but have never drawn blood #and he was outside alone and he was acting normally and not whining or anything? like speak up man i need to know this shit #his name is bunny btw and he's a big dog. purebred great pyrenees(?) if the ppl we got him from are to be trusted #i don't know how he got hurt #its way too big/deep for a cat to have done it and even if they're really upset they just paw at his face #my only guess is that there's something sharp in the yard? but it's too dark to look #idfk but we found the gauze and stuff and he did Not like that process good thing there were 3 ppl awake to hold him down safely #he still didn't whine through all of that though like. pls speak up man. we gotta know if ur in pain so we can fix it #i'm hoping it doesn't get infected. we don't have money to go to the vet but he's my sister's dog and she might actually kill someone if #he isn't fine #she has a theory that he may have gotten cut on smth our brother threw out there and like. she may literally kill him if this #was his fault and bunny isn't fine #so far he seems fine there wasn't too much blood and there seems to just be the one cut #but i didn't hear him yelp or whine or anything #and he didn't seem to be limping but the lights were off #idk man but we have cleaned him up as best we can for now but it is the middle of the night so we'll see what we can do in the morning

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gardenvarietycrafts · 3 months

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I wanted to use up the rest of the clips I had so I have some clips already made next time someone asks me for them, so I whipped up the rest of what I had clips for!

#crafts #description in alt text #sewing #pacifier clips #trans crafter #trans sewist #ps don't start making these if you don't want to make them for the rest of your life #even when i wasn't sewing because the foot i used to use for the presser foot has nerve damage i was still asked about them #“when are you going to start sewing again i need some more pacifier clips”#bonus: they are literally the most used most loved new baby gift i have ever given #evidenced by the fact that the people ive gifted them to ask for more when they wear out #even if they get store-bought ones too!#it's because these ones are more easily washable than store-bought clips #anyways i buy the clips on amazon (something like “pacifier clips” or “diy pacifier clips” finds them)#and then this is just jelly roll fabric strips (2.5“) cut to 9” then sewn in half #sew a loop of 1/8“ ribbon into one end and sew the clip onto the other #so if you're looking for a relatively quick and easy thing to make for a new baby this is something that is very much loved by most parents #i can go into more details if anyone wants but it really is easy to make

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youremyonlyhope · 22 hours

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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director #and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production #and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out #but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again #i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately #so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me #i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me #i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added #and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad #anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great #but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else #but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing #and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us #and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing #and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more #especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING #and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented #if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt #i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help #and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh #brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.

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tsvai · 22 days

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bummed because i was finally able to confirm, to my own satisfaction anyway, the rumors that a webcomic author whose older stuff i really liked is using you-know-what assistance with her latest webcomic that she's publishing to webtoon, and lying about it

#personal #there have been allegations for months now since she moved from canvas to originals or whatever #but i was unsure and not entirely convinced based on the evidence people were rolling out.#it was damning but i wasn't keen to jump to conclusions & torch and pitchfork bc this is a person who shouldn't need to use you know what #and people being falsely accused of this kind of stuff has become really rampant and depressing so i try to be very cautious #she's been a comic artist for like 20 years and is fully capable of good unassisted work and is probably only doing this to cut corners #possibly to keep up with webtoon's exploitative-ass schedule #anyway i realized finally that i could use the scraped images from my RSS feed to put into an analyzer #(webtoon itself doesn't allow right clicking on images or i'd have done it much sooner)#and it came back 98% which along with people's other evidence is really damning (the original canvas version comes back 0%)#i hadn't gotten around to reading the 'originals' version since she restarted after leaving canvas and i guess i won't be doing that now #anyway i'm really disappointed in her and also fuck webtoon. her decision to do this is her responsibility but it didn't happen in a vacuum

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princeloww · 1 month

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FINALLY finished deadwater fell. 5/10 its ok

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sysig · 10 months

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Greenhouse (Patreon)

Also featuring a couple scary bonuses from NEJ’s nightmare, specifically to do with Sterling (P1 | P2 | P3 | B)

I wanted to find somewhere I could pan back to him and he’d have a VUX eyehole (really it’s just cut from his face) but the comic was already going long :P Cavernous!

I also really wanted to do all of the panels with Sterling in colour but I figured that might be a bit too much so I restrained myself - plus I’m still not sure what colour VUX bleed! I’m glad I did it once tho, my blood pen is the most fun <3

#Doodles #SCII #NEJ #Warnings for under the cut:#Blood #Body horror #Captain Sterling #Mostly leftovers/spacefillers that ended up turning out nicely :D #The first one's silly lol - anyone know the plant guarana? The fruits look like a big cluster of eyes and can be quite unnerving at a glance #NEJ loves plants but hates eye contact how will he reconcile this!#Also didn't feel like drawing a big cluster so just one ominously floating behind him lol poor lad pursued by plant-eye #I also considered these weird eye-succulents I saw not too long ago but figured I'd be nice since succulents are his favourite #Notes :D I love visual notes!#He's only got the one pouch but he makes sure to keep it clean - especially when changing out plants!#He doesn't very often unless there's someone new in the nursery that needs his more direct attention - otherwise he keeps his fave on him #It's a pretty green-blue-purple iridescent succulent :) He tried for a while to layer them/keep them in separate pockets #But sharing that much space and movement and the heat of his body wasn't good for the plants so he pared (pruned? Lol) down to one #A hardy little thing! :D Pretty and resilient!#Quick sidetrack into the VUX design I mentioned around making KUP! I decided not to co-opt him lol he's his own VUX still #I don't know who he is but he's not KUP I can tell you that haha ♪ He's very cute! I like him! I just wish I had a proper use for him #I mean other than Be Pretty lol but VUX are admittedly quite good for that so I mean #Speaking of I'm so pleased with how that last one of NEJ turned out ah <3 Handsome lad #I haven't done the bumpity skin texture in too long and ah! It's fun and pretty! I enjoy it! Especially the detail work on his tendrils :D #And then last two haha poor Sterling got so much grimdark about him so soon after returning #Didn't take long to start being mean to him but I mean he's got a big smile about it! Lol #The big middle eye with a mouth is giving me Announcer from IZ and I'm not sure why - it's not like I don't have human-based cyclops :0 #And then my blood pen/red pencil finally got some time to shine <3 #It's amazing how in all the years since I still absolutely lose my mind over blood dripping down the channels of teeth to a slight offset #Blood pooling is just so satisfying to draw! Blood dripping is fun but blood pooling is on a completely other level I swear #It's edgy and that's what makes it fun ♪♫

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zukkaoru · 2 years

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why does hair have to take so much effort. why can i not just snap my fingers and instantly have the hairstyle i want

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protagonist-art · 3 months

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Scratched Veneer question:

Can you imagine Veneer apologizing to Floyd for him getting declawed? If I were in Veneer's position I most certainly would, and I wouldn't blame Floyd for scratching me up or being bitter over losing his claws.

yes!!! 100% >:o) he still feels sickly terrible about it to this day... besides the draining his life, it's the incident he feels the worst about </3

I'll go on more abt it in the tags!!!

#it wasn't pretty at all #i can imagine out of everything it was the start of him really changing his mind #so at the time of Floyd getting declawed Veneer was in SO much pain himself... obviously not more but #being a privileged kid now needing major stitches and waiting for an ambulance he was so stressed and focused on himself #might not have even realised what happened until it was too late #for floyd- nobody came to save him from it. I can imagine it made it so much worse that not even Veneer was trying to stop it from happenin #I THINK LIKE. OVERALL Floyd has every right to never forgive Veneer or treat him with kindness after everything #in the same canon as the declawing; Floyd struggles immensely with the thought of Veneer even being on parole #Veneer actively tries to get closer and show remorse... but in the end he has to completely cut off from Floyd and his family #aside from Bruce who visits him and Vel in prison #Floyd feels TERRIBLE that he's so panicked over Veneer being around trolls and vice versa... he really SHOULDN'T feel bad about it #and that's something he's working on!! that he doesn't have to hold back feelings about something that fucked him up so badly #he's allowed to b bitter and he's allowing himself to feel that <3 #not art #anon

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applejarjar · 3 months

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Ah yes, my favorite hobby

Buying things to strip them for parts to make another thing because god forbid replacement parts be sold separately

#that wristband I bought for the connectors is friggin heavy #like it has HEFT #it wasn't kidding about being made out of stainless steel #those links gave my expensive ass pliers a run for their money #the links on the ends don't have openings though which is kind of interesting #so I had to leave those on #it's not too bad though cause the guage seems similar to the rings I'm using and the color is close enough so aesthetically it looks OK #I was just originally thinking I'd use some small rings to attach to the watch connectors but it looks like that won't be necessary #can't do much at this point though cause I need to size it to the wrist it'll be adoring #might need to drop 2 repeats to make the clasp area and reduce the length a bit #Maybe the symmetrical look will be cute #I just felt like 6 repeats had good visual appeal and was the right balance of chainmail to watch #but it's a bit too long on my wrists and while I think the giftee has wider wrists than mine I don't think it'll be enough of a difference #to leave it as is wothought cutting the length back a bit #Plus I'll need space for the clasp so all in all it'll need to be shortened no matter what #kinda makes me wish I had a watch so I could connect it to one and model it for real #I'm just making approximations rn #but overall I'm happy with it and excited to gift it

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spiritofjustice · 11 months

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last thing i’ll say about Clone High for now: i know a lot of people hated episode 1 (esp after it leaked online a couple months ago) bcs it was all about Cancel Culture after the 2003 clones have to readjust to 2023 culture, but honestly it didn’t bother me. some of it was kinda ~cringe~ ig but honestly it did a good job not just being like “cancel culture bad!!!” in that boring one-note conservative way a lot of shows do and showed the absurdity of all sides ig?

which is a centrist ass opinion to have i know but it’s a funnie comedy show and thats rly the best we can do in a show like this imo. Abe wasn’t right (they def showed that through Topher Bus and Ivan the Terrible supporting him through it but being terrible people that he shouldn’t get close with), the way the new clones handled Abe having a lot of outdated lingo and opinions wasn’t right, and the way Joan reacted wasn’t right either. funny enough i think Confucius was the one who was closest to getting it right, he just gets bogged down with his obsession with tiktok clout or whatever just to show how apologies / cancellation get wrapped up in this pageantry that’s pretty damn worthless ultimately

the episode could’ve been much stronger but i didn’t find it wildly cringe the way a lot of people did. it was just mad clunky like all the fucking episodes have been.

#Psy's no punctuation posts #clone high tag #i think in terms of the best episode so far my favorite was 2?#it still wasn't great but i genuinely thought Topher and JFK getting into a stupid fight in a tiktok comment section was extremely funny #but see i think that scene is a great example of the clunkiness #like i get part of the joke is likely how unfunny and longwinded their insults are but it didn't work for me #esp when Confucius corrects Topher's grammar with a really longwinded response #to me. this is an obvious joke but it would've been funnier if COnfucius was typing for a really long time and hits submit #and then when it cuts to Abe and Topher looking at the comment it just says *you're #that would've been so much funnier and more effective than the way they handled it #also i feel like Abe was just at Topher's house so the writers wouldn't feel bad leaving him out of the episode #cause man he did not need to be there #the inclusion of tiktok (or yknow the tiktok knockoff) felt very clunky and like How Do You Do Fellow Kids-esque #but like it can WORK bcs it's about the 2003 clones learning abt the new world and they do not do nearly enough with it

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cryolyst · 7 months

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#they speak!#ignore this #my coworker needs to move out and i can't tell if he was mostly joking or completely serious but he asked if i wanted to rent a place w him #and it's so tempting it's. so fucking tempting i want to move out so bad #and especially on days like today where i have to listen to my parents fail to communicate without getting loud and angry #like i feel so awful. i'm 22 and i still have to hide in my room and try not to cry. i can't live like this anymore.#and it feels so hopeless because what else can i do? fuck up my health even more by working more hours?#so i can afford renting a tiny place? when i'm already so unwell and struggling to take care of myself??#and i know i'm not at a place to cut my parents out of my life so i'd have to endure all the judgement they'll have about who i room with #and i know know know no matter who i room with there'll be judgement. because i can't even talk to friends casually without it lol #not to overshare on main but i was omw to work on friday and almost cried at the bus station #because i was thinking about how i never really had an adult in my life that really truly loved and nurtured me #like yeah i had teachers and later in my teens some community members that supported me and were positive influences with positive impacts #and as much as i am hurt by my parents they still very much cared for me and shaped me as a person. both for better and for worse.#and yeah be the adult that is there for yourself now and all that but.#i can never change the fact that there wasn't someone that was there. and i wish i could stop mourning but it's hard. it's so hard.#and one day it will get easier but for now i just have to endure it. i guess. hahaha. :)

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