#cruise ship killers

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

came across a show called cruise ship killers which is just Peak Daytime TV Crime Documentary, and somehow i think im marathoning it and notes so far:

cruise ships continue to be the ugliest boats ever

people have to come up with real unique excuses when they killed someone on a cruise ship which led to a guy changing his story from "my wife was blown overboard" to "the ukranian government is framing me for murder".

he was found guilty. the jury did not believe all of ukraine was guilty as he claimed (this case was in the 90s btw)

several times its noted that other passengers are annoyed that their holiday has been so rudely interrupted by a murder and can everyone just hurry up please so they can continue?

on some cruises, you can go to the staff and be like "hi, my room was broken into and all they stole was my underwear, please can i move cabins?" and theyll be like "sorry, were all booked up but you can disembark at the next port we stop at on your own cost :)". this is not a surprise

theres one case where theyre like "based on the victims diary, it has to be this guy" which is a fascinating approach to solving crime that does not lead to a conviction thankfully.

the show notes "an all male jury found him not guilty" in the diary episode as if its like a bomb theyve dropped, but when your entire case is based on the victims diary, its kinda hard prove murder beyond all reasonable doubt?

as ugly as cruise ships are, they do get some real pretty shots of the ocean and coasts

they really love to just repeat the same information over and over and over again. we get it, the guy was seasick.

remember the guy who stole someones underwear? yeah, he did that and then a few hours later, the victim was dead and it wasnt him. his wife was his alibi though so im sure that was fun for him.

there was another guy who didnt kill the victim but was being creepy and after establishing it wasnt him, the captain ordered him not to talk to any other women and to stay in his cabin for the rest of the trip.

also, they found him because someone came forward and was like "i dont know his name, but hes so suntanned, hes basically a tomato, youll recognise him" and they did

i think they say a variation of "little do they know, theyll be the last person to see X alive" every episode

its always nice to know that if you do go missing/overboard on a cruise ship, theres a decent chance your death will be ruled a suicide for convenience's sake <3

#kai rambles #im stuck watching daytime tv right now and i just need to word vomit about this show #i unironically love it #and also hate it #cruise ship killers #also like when you know maritime law its kinda funny when the shows like ''the victims brother is all alone investigating'' #and im like no the victim was an american citizen which means the fbi have to investigate #thats just the law #i cant believe im enjoying this #shipposting

[mifunebooty]

Cruise ships are so aesthetic but ill never be on one, i cant swem and nobody's gonna bother to look for my body in the sea because the captain will shrug his shoulders going "i dont work on the sea, i work on a boat"

#cherry says #its amazing that true crime show on cruise ship killers its just 90% revealed they all slipped and rolled off #and nobody did anything like u get blown away like a bug and boom #mcfreakin gone

[brodieland]

.˚ 𓈒 ࣪.𝝑𝝔 he's not just a man, mom.. ´ˎ˗

Luke Castellan x Fem!Athena!Reader Synopsis: Reader sneaks on a cruise ship with Percy, Annabeth and Tyson. Guess who she has a run in with !!!! Warning(s): slight angst. and uh swears ig Word Count: 1833 A/N: part 2 was requested😘 and I skimmed over a lot, I didn't want to copy and paste most of Sea of Monsters so yk Part 1

Months, well actually, an entire school year has past since your boyfriend, well ex boyfriend now, Luke turned to Kronos. And yes, the rumors are true! Time heals all wounds!! Sure you needed some more time but you were starting to get back to your normal self slowly but surely. And the Athena head counselor position was rightfully handed right back to you (until Annabeth comes back for the summer).

Normally time isn't real for a year rounder like yourself, but there's been an issue. The magic barrier that protects camp Half-Blood is held up by Thalias tree, except her tree has been poisoned. No one knows when or how it happened, but you decided to keep your guess to yourself. Well that doesn't matter now. With Thalias tree slowly getting worse and worse, the border surrounding camp is weakening, allowing monsters to start slipping through and find the camp. Defenses are thinning, and even with summer around the corner enrollment numbers are at their lowest.

Thankfully you weren't on Charisse's bad side so she didn't mind joining forces. And don't get it twisted, you love Annabeth, but you've never loved her more than when you watched her and Percy (and a cyclops??) run up the hill and help fight the monsters.

After the fighting was over, you weren't injured yourself so you went to help out at the infirmary. It helped keep your mind off stuff, and now you had Percy and Annabeth to keep you company. You were currently checking them for burns.

"Wow, 13 and no body hair?"

"THE MONSTER BURNED IT OFF."

You and Annabeth just laughed at the boy. After you both calmed down you started to explain whats been happening the last couple of months at camp while they've been away. Grim expressions washed over them as you finished, Chiron being fired and being replaced with TANTALUS was truly the cherry on top in your opinion.

"Well, time to eat right?"

This might've been one of the most interesting dinners yet. The cyclopes, also known as Tyson, ended up getting claimed by Poseidon (Percy wasn't the biggest fan of this particular development), and we have an upcoming Chariot race coming up (something Tantalus decided to start doing). You weren't planning on participating in the race, but Annabeth and Percy got into a fight so now you had too.

Finally the day came and instead of a friendly race, everyone was attacked by killer birds that were just barely shot out the sky. Maybe some help on Clarrise's end would've been nice, but she thought winning was more important, while you, Tyson, Percy and Annabeth just got punished.

The four of you were stuck washing dishes when the two younger campers got to talking. They were smart ones, basically we needed the Golden Fleece, simple as that. Except who did Tantalus give the quest too? The winner of the race. Clarisse.

"But Grovers my friend!"

"Yeah you guys wouldn't even have the quest if it weren't for us!"

Your yelling didn't help matters, the Ares kids just accused Percy of wanting the spotlight. They just never liked Percy after he beat up their dad, the fact he did that still amazes you. You and Annabeth just accepted the defeated and walked yourselves to your cabin.

"So Annabeth, how's it been in the outside world?"

"Cooler than I thought but please, how's it been with.. you know what?" You averted your gaze slightly and swallowed. You were getting better, but that certainly didn't mean you were over him.

"I haven't heard from mom in like eight months." Annabeth looked at you confused. You never told her about the last conversation with Athena.

"What? I thought you were like, her favorite or something?"

"To be fair I basically told her to fuck off," you shrugged like it wasn't that serious but your sister looked at you like you were crazy. "It was about Luke, you know she never liked him." She just nodded as you both walked back to your cabin. When you got there neither of you couldn sleep and decided to stay up late studying maps of the sea of monsters, where Grover and the Golden Fleece were. Suddenly Annabeth stood up.

"Annie whats wrong?" You asked, looking between her and the maps.

"You didn't hear that?" you just shook your head slowly.

"Maybe it's just time to sleep-"

"No it was Percy, he was screaming for help cmon!" You decided not to bother questioning it and started chasing after her. Annabeth was following the sound and you just followed her. You guys made it out to the beach, where you saw Percy, just fine and not screaming. Tyson came running out too.

"Percy are you okay? Why were you screaming?" Annabeth questioned.

"I wasn't screaming, but I'm glad you guys are here." Percy explained how he had a run in with Hermes. The thought of Hermes just makes you think of Luke. That kinda sucks.

"Anyways, we need to use this," Percy held up a jar and pointed to the cruise behind him, "to get over there."

"Seems... reasonable. We have to hurry the harpies are getting close." you urged.

"Yeah ask your dad for some help" Annabeth pushed Percy toward the ocean. Why did Percy start with small talk, we're on a time crunch. Never the less a bunch of hippocampi came forward and we were off.

"I've never been on a cruise before, I wonder what it's like." You said.

"Probably won't be like any normal one if Hermes sent us." Percy pointed out. If Hermes sent us you, you hoped it meant what you thought it did. And you hated that you were hoping for that. Luke. Ever since your last conversation with your mom, it's like you've been seeing things differently. The gods really did just use their kids, but could you really turn your back on them?

You were cut out of your thoughts when you finally made it to the ship. You all snuck on and wandered through the cruise. Everyone here was like a bunch of lifeless zombies. Now if that didn't raise your suspicious nothing would. You guys were sneaking around until you found an empty suite on the 9th floor. Sleep was a must right now.

"Us girls will be next door alright?" You said.

"Yeah, don't eat or drink anything either," Annabeth added. She was right, something was off here. You and Annabeth left to your side of the suite to change for bed. Annabeth was knocked out in seconds but you just couldn't sleep. You knew why Hermes wanted you guys here, and it kept you up. While your sister was snoring beside you, you took the chance the sneak out the room. All you had was an oversized t-shirt that hung to your mid thigh and a dream.

As you started walking around, there were no lights to be seen. You started from your floor and made your way up. When you got off the elevator on the 13th floor, you saw the room at the end of the hall had a light on. It was nearing 2AM, most people should be asleep. That's when your gut told you this is what you were looking for. You thought it was time to listen to it. You made your way to the door, and saw that it was unlocked. You slowly opened the door and saw a certain someone with his back facing the door, looking off into the ocean through his window.

"Hey Luke," you said. Luke didn't move for a second, but when he turned it was slow.

"Y/N.. I didn't think I'd see you again." Your lip quirked ever so slightly, and you walked up and sat down on the bed in front of you, now just a mere few feet away from him

"Likewise."

"Lemme guess, Percy and Annabeth are with you? Were you sent to kill me?"

"Yes, and no. We weren't sent here, or anywhere in fact."

"Wow, look at her. Ms. Rule Breaker. What would your mother think?" You swallowed at the mention of your mother. What would she think?

"Well, we haven't spoken in eight months." You looked at the ground.

"Hmm, what happened?"

"You happened, that's what." You looked back up at him, he had a shit eating grin on his face. "Wipe that smile off your face Castellan."

"Or what? You're already here, why waste our time together fighting? We both know you're not here for the gods," Luke teased. He was right, so why fight?

"Just come here," you lunged up and jumped in his arms, kissing him like the starved woman you were. You missed him more than you were allowed to admit. Luke was a sore spot at camp, but hey, right now that was not your problem. You knew you were probably disgracing your family by being here doing what you were doing, or WHO you were doing, but you didn't care. You just needed Luke, even if it was just one last time.

When you woke up after a few hours, you wouldn't say you regret it, but maybe it wasn't the best timing. You were facing the window while Luke held you close. You slowly moved his arm from your waist and sat up, seeing the little clothing you had scattered across the room. Crazy night. You untangled yourself from Luke and got redressed. You truly didn't want to leave, but despite everything you couldn't stand with Luke and the war, too many lives would be lost on his behalf. As you made your way to the door Luke woke up,

"So this is it?" You had your hand on the doorknob and turned back to face Luke.

"Yeah," you made eye contact with him, a single tear falling. "It is."

"Goodbye Y/N."

"Goodbye Luke." You made your way out the door and shut it behind you. You took a deep breathe before rushing back to your shared room with Annabeth on the 9th floor. You opened the door, making sure not to make too much noise, except Annabeth wasn't in her bed. You continued walking into the room when the bathroom door opened from behind you.

"And where were you?" Annabeth questioned as she walked out the door.

"With no one!" You said quickly. Annabeth scared the shit out of you. She slightly frowned.

"He's here isn't he? That's why Hermes wanted us to come here?" You just nodded. "Guess it explains the hickies," Annabeth yawned and headed back to her bed. Your face flushed as you ran into the bathroom. Wow.. awkward!!!!

"It was just a goodbye, I'm not joining him," you walked out the bathroom and laid down next to Annabeth. "I can't stand for a war, no matter how much I love him. Or loved."

"Glad you made up your mind, but it's 6AM, can we sleep a little longer?"

You chuckled, "Of course."

#percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #percy jackson pjo #percy pjo #percy series #annabeth chase #luke castellan #luke castellan pjo #luke pjo #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan x you #luke castellan x y/n

[dark-frosted-heart]

Alfons vs Roger event (Part 1)

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this

Crown’s relationship is perfectly balanced.

Though they couldn’t be considered friends or family, there’s an unspoken connection and trust.

—Well, except for a certain “pair”.

Alfons and Roger: Unbelievable.

Kate: Did something happen? You two said that together the minute you came back from the mission.

Today, Alfons and Roger were supposed to be chasing after a serial killer who had caused quite a stir.

Roger: Al, if you’d drawn him over, I could’ve sent him to the after life in a heartbeat.

Alfons: Wow, you’re putting the blame on another? Had I not chased after you, you would have dropped dead.

Roger: I’m gonna wrap those words with a ribbon and give them back to you.

Alfons: Then I’ll wrap that ribbon around your neck.

Kate: Um, so what happened to the criminal in the end?

Alfons and Roger: William happened.

Meaning William, who seemed to have gone ahead, took care of the criminal instead of these two who couldn’t work together at all.

Kate: Regardless, I’m glad the criminal was caught.

Alfons and Roger: I’m not.

Kate: Huh?

Alfons: Every time I go on a mission with Roger, my delicate heart gets another scratch. Ahhh, woe is me!

Roger: What delicate heart. A delicate guy wouldn’t come at you himself. (•̀ ⌓ •́)

(This sort of sight isn’t surprising anymore)

Alfons and Roger have known each other since they were kids.

Had they been old friends, they would’ve gotten along exceptionally well. However, it;s the complete opposite for the two of them.

(I have a feeling that these two have the worst relationship in Crown…)

Roger: Geez, I can’t deal with this anymore.

Alfons: Oh, then be my guest. Please leave Crown and live as you like.

(A Crown resignation emergency?!)

I look around, but unfortunately, I seem to be the only one around to intervene.

(What do I do, what do I do? Ah, I got it!)

Kate: You two! I won’t give you any chocolates if you keep fighting!

Alfons and Roger: Chocolate?

Roger: Oh yeah, it’s Valentine’s Day today, isn’t it? No wonder the city was bustling.

Alfons: I heard you were making “sweetheart chocolates” last night, Miss Kate.

Kate: How did you know?

Alfons: I’m the well-informed Mr.  Sylvatica.

Last night I was baking sweets with the maids when they encouraged me to make some “sweetheart chocolates”.

(I was planning on eating them all myself…)

Roger: Sounds good. I was gettin' tired of fighting. Let’s have a contest, Al. The winner gets Kate’s chocolates and serves the loser. How’s that sound?

Alfons: It’s the best of the worst of preferences. Yes, I like that.

Kate: Hold on, what is this?!

Alfons: So, what sort of contest are we doing? Anything beside a fistfight is fine. Ah, how about this. We have two shots of vodka, one of which is poisoned. A game with no hard feelings that can be won immediately.

Roger: If one of us kicks the bucket, then there’s no point in the servant rule. Then-

The games the two kept suggesting were so outrageous that it made me dizzy.

(At this rate, a city or two is going to get blown up. What the heck do I do?)

Victor: O~kay my cute cursed ones! This nonsense stops here.

Kate: Victor!

Victor: You two fight the moment I take my eyes off of you. Bad, I say. Bad!

Alfons/Roger: It’s Roger’s fault./It’s Al’s fault.

Victor: I’m not blaming anyone. I don’t mind the contest, okay? However, I don’t like negative games where the other dies from poison and things like that. I can’t afford to lose either of you. That’s not cute at all.

Kate: ……Not cute?

Victor: So here’s my proposal. Remember my friend, Viscount Morris?

Alfons: He’s the rich eccentric who owns a luxury cruise ship.

Victor: Yes, yes. The viscount’s beloved niece’s birthday is today. A birthday party will be hosted in one of his estates. The girl in honor has fled. I believe she went out of the country on vacation. 

Alfons: She’s a runaway horse, isn’t she? Perhaps a consequence of being raised like a princess. A pity.

Victor: The viscount came to me in tears, so I considered going as her double…

Roger: If the lady suddenly became huge and burly, that’d make a failure of a party.

Victor: Therefore, Kate. I want you to pretend to be the lady.

Kate: I knew this was where the story was going.

Victor: Haha, you’re becoming more like Crown! So, Alfons, Roger, I want you two to serve as Kate’s caretakers so that she doesn’t get exposed.

Roger: But what’s that gotta do with our contest?

Victor: Hm, that’s actually a good question! How about you compete for “friendship points” while acting as caretakers?

Kate:  What are “friendship points”?

Victor: Simple. You get a point if you’re friendly to the other. Oh, and the judge is Kate of course.

Roger: So the winner’s the one with the most points and gets Kate’s chocolates.

The proposal was completely unexpected, but it sounds like a good way for the two to get along.

Kate: I think it’s a good idea. I’ll also help the viscount.

Roger: If the little lady’s fine with it, then I’m game. Besides, it sounds like we’re gonna get kicked because of this pointless fight.

Alfons: I feel as if I’m being forced into something troublesome, but I’m fine with it. I’d also like to put an end to this pointless fight. Well… She and the chocolate will ultimately be mine.

Roger: You sure? I take what I want. You ready for that?

Alfons and Roger looked at me, and I blink in return.

Alfons, in an overly gentlemanly manner, shook Roger’s hand.

Alfons: Let’s have a fair, “friendly” match, Roger.

Kate: Ah. That’s one friendship point for you, Alfons!

Roger: What? Damn it, that was dirty.

Alfons wipes his hand, which had touched Roger’s, with a handkerchief.

Alfons: There’s nothing clean or dirty in this contest, is there Miss Kate?

Victor: Mhmm, it’s charming how they’re becoming fast friends. Fabulous!

#ikemen villains #ikevil translations #ikevil summary #ikevil #ikevil jp

[stormlex]

9-1-1 Main Cast (mostly) Near Death Experiences

Honestly this is mostly for me, I had completely forgotten about a lot of Hens near deaths and I keep bringing the conversation up with my brother so I wanted to make a list, enjoy :)

(Most to least deaths; Earliest to latest)

Evan "Buck" Buckley: Choked on bread (1x06), Ladder Truck Explosion (2x18), Pulmonary Embolism (3x01), Tsunami (3x02-03), Factory Fire (4x05), Lightning 🌩 (6x10)

Robert Wade "Bobby" Nash: Plane crash (1x04), Gun Shot (4x14), Dispatch Building Collapse (5x16), Bridge Collapse (6x18), Cruise Ship (7x02-03)

Edmundo "Eddie" Diaz: Afghanistan (3x15), Well Collapse (3x15), Sniper Shot (4x13-14), Bridge Collapse (6x18)

Howard "Chimney" Han: Rebar through skull (1x03), Stabbed by Doug (2x13), Jonah Psycho[HeartStopper 2] (5x17), Bridge Collapse [stabbed/impaled Again] (6x18)

Henrietta "Hen" Wilson: Under Collapsing High-rise (2x03), Tunnel Suffocation (Lone-Star 2x03)

Madeline "Maddie" Buckley: Abducted by Doug (2x14), Attempted Suicide (5x12)

Athena Grant: Nearly beat to death (3x17), Cruise Ship (7x02-03)

May Grant: Attempted Suicide/Drug Overdose (1x03), Dispatch Building collapse (5x16)

Karen Wilson: Lab explosion (6x06)

Christopher Diaz: Tsunami (3x02-03)

Harry Grant: Kidnapped (5x02-03)

Ravi Panikkar: None I love him he needs a Near Death Experience

Honorable Mentions!

Moments where they were in Danger or dangerous situations but didn't almost die

Buck: Ambulance Bomb; everyones favorite! (2x01), Train Crash (3x18), Crane Climb (4x14), Hostage :) (5x06), Drunk Car vs Bicycle (6x04), Bridge Collapse (6x18)

Eddie: Ambulance Bomb (2x01), Spiderman Routine (2x14), Hostage (5x06)

Bobby: Helicopter (5x01), Fight with Tanya's Killer (6x03)

Chim: Bomb Gossip Session (4x04), Drunk Driver Hostage (6x04)

Hen: Jonah Psycho Hostage(5x17), Bridge Collapse (6x18)

Maddie: Dispatch Hostage (3x14)

Athena: Chased/Chasing escaped serial rapist (5x03)

May: Boyfriends crazy roommate (6x08)

Ravi: Prison Break (5x06)

And That Is It! Most of these are based on memory that I double checked and I probably missed some. (I have not watched 7x02 yet)

I'm both surprised and not surprised by the amount Chim has, I am surprised about Bobby I did not think he had that many.

Lemme know if I missed any or your opinions on if there should be any switches between Honorable Mentions moments and full on Near Death! :)

#911 show #911 abc #evan buckley #bobby nash #eddie diaz #chimney han #hen wilson #maddie buckley #athena grant #may grant #christopher diaz #buck needs to calm down

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #50 — The Midlife Crisis Cruise Comes to an End

Our issue begins on Earth— not Swearth, but honest-to-god Earth— where Optimus Prime and Jetfire are watching a broadcast. It’s not syndicated television like I Love Lucy or The Transformers (1984), however. No, this broadcast is coming from some of our favorite Lost Lighters, detailing their last will and testament.

Nautica wants to be buried on her home planet, and doesn’t give a hot gay fuck what they engrave on her sparkcase. Also she’s missing a good chunk of her face, but don’t worry about that too much.

Chromedome’s just happy that he’s dying WITH his husband this go around. I’m sure Brainstorm’s also thrilled to not have the “please please please stop stabbing yourself in the brain to avoid the pain of being a widower Jesus Christ we can’t keep doing this”.

Rewind takes the opportunity to poke Chromedome in the inferiority complex one last time, making his message out to Dominus Ambus. Our resident lovebirds want to “enter the after spark simultaneously”, though that seems more like something to address with whoever’s killing them.

Over on Cybertron, in Metroplex’s titties, it would seem this broadcast is VERY wideband, as Starscream and Scoop (we’ll go over whatever the fuck’s going on there in another post) witness Nightbeat’s will and testament, though considering Nightbeat’s technically undead, I’m not sure how much legal weight it holds. Having done the whole “dying” thing before, I’m sure he’s spent many a long, sleepless night thinking about how it would happen next time. Ikea Johnson wants a “Neoprimalist” funeral, where they preserve only the head. Interesting that Nightbeat's religious sect is the same as Flywheels, the Scavenger who only existed to be a stand-in for the word "fuck".

Over on Luna 1, Red Alert is convinced that Megatron is using his gun mode to threaten Nightbeat. Fort Max isn’t so sure.

Minimus shows off the most recent trick he’s learned, saying the word “fun” with only stuttering twice. He wants to be buried on the moon, next to all of Rodimus’s failed pregnancies, and wearing the skin of a man who’s been dead for thousands of years.

Whirl doesn’t want a funeral, though you’d think he’d at least want his corpse thrown in the general direction of the Wreckers’ base, where every member gets a slot in the Zone of Remembrance as part of the onboarding. I know he got kicked out, but being shot out of a rail gun at Debris sounds roughly his speed.

Rung only requests that, should he die in his vape pen form, that he be dismantled. He’s so committed to preventing underage smoking, and for that I commend him.

Rung’s request greatly disturbs the Scavengers, who seem to have forgone fixing the Krok-shaped hole in the wall and buying a couch more than two of them can sit on at a time, in order to afford a replacement TV, after Krok fastball-specialed a golden disc through the last one.

On another part of Cybertron, Windblade and Wheeljack watch Velocity state that she doesn’t regret a single thing that’s happened while she’s been a part of the Lost Light. To recap, in the few months Velocity’s been aboard: Thunderclash almost died of being too perfect, Velocity’s first boss ran off to go bang a billionaire with a sword collection, Swerve almost died from too much television, her second boss ran off to get roped into the Polycule Wars, Tailgate exploded, Rung was revealed to be practicing without a license by way of a weird gibbon with a ball gag and his serial killer boyfriend, and she became the only practicing medical professional aboard a ship of over 200, after failing to pass her medical exams ten times. Oh, and she wants to be recycled.

Optimus wants to go save them, thinking that there’s still time. However, the Lost Light isn’t responding, and it doesn’t actually matter anyhow— these recording were sent out weeks ago.

Looks like that’s a series wrap on Nautica, Chromedome, Rewind, Nightbeat, Minimus, Whirl, Rung, and Velocity! Let’s give ‘em a hand, folks!

Three weeks prior, on the planet of Miliarium, action is happening:

Being on your headset in the middle of a battle seems rather rude, but I suppose sacrifices to politeness have to be made, when one of your co-captains is effectively forbidden from stepping foot on any planet that’s aware of Cybertron’s existence, given that he, y’know, is the face of a cause that slaughtered billions over the course of millions of years.

(No, don’t ask Optimus how relations with Earth are going.)

Megatron, continuing to command from orbit, tells Whirl to go help Cyclonus and Crossblades with the Rust Giants’ longship, asking for no casualties. Which is sort of like asking a horse on cocaine to not freak out and kick someone in the head, if that horse also had guns tied to 30% of its body.

Rodimus asks Megatron if he’s enjoying himself, playing a pacifist run of a wartime strategy game with their lives, and Megatron says that he’s “rumbled”; which I’m not sure if I’m search-engining wrong, but I don’t know that even the British are saying that to mean they’re right chuffed or tallywackered about a situation, or whatever. Rodimus is suddenly faced with a Rust Giant that he doesn’t even come up to the knee of, but luckily we have a new superhero to save the day, by way of incredible violence.

Looks like we’re still workshopping the battle-cries.

Tailgate punched this guy so hard it cause a jump-cut to the post-battle celebration, where Rodimus shows off his multi-typefacial abilities, Megatron perpetrates his bigotry towards organics, the Cybertronians make galactic news for a not-awful reason for once, and Swerve is also here! For some reason! It looks like it’s gonna be all peaches and cream from here on, so long as we ignore the first three pages of this issue!

Hey, Cyclonus, you have to wait for him to call you, you're not an Autobot. Just because the little white guy you're Sufjan Stevens-level attached to is going, doesn't mean— Cyclonus, hey. Hey, Cyclonus. Cyclonus. Cycl—

Later, back on the Lost Light, class is in session. We finally get a look at those course Megatron’s been teaching, only briefly mentioned by Riptide in issue #29. The current course track is on the Knights of Cybertron, Megatron having assigned those in attendance to write essays tackling “pre-Functionist folklore and contested heritage”.

Today’s class consists of:

Minimus (old as balls, former high society)

Skids (the best at everything)

Brainstorm (literal genius)

Perceptor (slightly-less-literal genius)

Nautica (jack-of-all-trades brainiac and bibliophile)

Crosscut (former senator, current playwright, therefore probably has at least some sort of degree)

Nightbeat (nosy as fuck, loves to figure shit out)

Hound (former Primal Vanguard)

Thunderclash (perfect student, researcher, friend, confidante, and maybe even lover)

Grapple (not much to say here, other than he’s fucking jacked in IDW)

Xaaron (chief legal advisor for the Autobots)

And Riptide (created during the war and therefore has the least connection to Cybertron's folklore, canonically not a good test-taker)

Poor Riptide's grades don’t stand a snowball's chance in hell against his peers', but good on him for sticking with the classes regardless.

This essay was assigned to help students establish context for the Knights within a world where they have not existed for millions of years, having disappeared since they embarked on their quest to Cyberutopia; a world where information creep, the slow degradation of memory as time passes, has made them into mythological figures. Megatron posits that the only thing we really know about the Knights is that they failed to do what they set out to do, as the universe is not a peaceful place, himself arguably being exhibit A of that failure. Still, he intends to use this course to help the Lost Light’s crew understand the Knights to the best of their current, modernity-biased ability, prior to potentially meeting them. Considering that the Knights will be deciding Megatron’s fate, perhaps this is also for him to grapple with understanding his own end.

Anyway, let’s look at a plot device.

The last time we saw this symbol was during issue #46, both drawn by Grimlock on his walls, paired with the words “prepare confront repel”, and then on some mysterious fellows who were working with Krok’s nasty little friend Demus and someone called "The Grand Architect". However, the first time we saw it was with Skids in #21, after he went through Tyrest’s space bridge and talked to a giant technicolor ball of light.

Seeing this image kickstarts Skids’s memory, enough so that he interrupts class over it. Nautica has also seen this symbol, at an exhibit on Troja Major (a planet that Roberts will use as a dumping ground for many plot points in the sequel series to MTMTE) where it was claimed to be some sort of coat of arms. Thunderclash also knows this symbol, having seen it with his beautiful mind and kind heart in his visions, the same visions that were leading him to the Knights and allowing him to create a map to Cyberutopia. Nautica asks Skids to write out the symbol that he “heard” phonetically into her space phone, in a move that will prove HIGHLY useful later on. Perceptor adds in his two cents, showing off that he’s wearing the “feminine” nose-type today, stating that he had talked to one of the Circle of Light members back in Season 1, who had theorized that the Knights of Cybertron was either originally made up of OR broke down into clans, and that the symbol/map Rodimus and Thunderclash were drawing is merely connected to part of the Knights, and that there could be others floating around.

Nightbeat thinks that all this brainstorming (which hasn’t involved Brainstorm, oddly enough) is super cool and great, showing off his anime thumb in approval. When Minimus tries to give Megatron props for bringing everyone together to figure this out, he finds that Megatron is having some troubles, hunched over his podium as far as his fucked up old man toy articulation will allow. When Minimus approaches to see what’s wrong, he gets punched clear across the room for his troubles. Then this happens:

Look, I don’t care if 99.9% of the Cybertronian population can reclaim, you shouldn’t just limp your wrist at your first officer in the middle of class.

No, what Megatron is actually doing is pointing the fusion cannon he doesn’t have anymore, but had attached to his arm for roughly 4 million years, directly at Minimus’s tiny little skull. Quickly coming back to himself, Megatron is both horrified and mortified by what he’s done, offering nothing more but a quick apology before he dismisses the class and bolts, not even helping Minimus off of the floor.

The following day, Velocity’s paying a visit to Megatron’s room, which is STILL as barren as the most dire of single male living spaces. Velocity’s here because Megatron missed his appointment yesterday, after whatever happened in the classroom. Megatron reminds her that the weekly appointment is for him receiving his ration of “fool’s energon” which is meant to keep him in a weakened state, which arguably shouldn’t make it medicine in the traditional sense. Velocity reminds him that he nearly knocked Minimus Ambus’s (yeah, she uses his full name, guess she’s not been around long enough to get “just Minimus” privileges) block off, and that if Megatron had been at full strength, we might be dealing with a murder situation instead.

Though Minimus IS a load bearer, who regularly slings around a body three times his size, on top of weapons, so maybe not. Also, there’s an even smaller guy inside the first mustached guy, so honestly it’d probably be fine.

Does Velocity even know about the irreducible Minimus? Is that in his medical history? Does she even know that Ultra Magnus and Minimus Ambus are the same person? Because Megatron didn’t even know until they found that corpse on the quantum duplicate Lost Light, and Magnus was his lawyer for the trial as well as being his SIC. Really, what are the legal ramifications of Minimus having assumed the identity of a dead man, now that Tyrest isn’t there to keep up the charade and the secret is a bit more open? Does Minimus have legal claim to Magnus’s identity, or at least ownership of the armor? Can Minimus lay claim to any property he purchased as Magnus, or that the previous Magnuses had purchased prior to their deaths? Was Minimus legally declared dead prior to undertaking the role of Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord, if only to make things easier in terms of paperwork? Can Minimus sign off on things, and if so, does he use his own signature, or Magnus’s? If he signed something as Magnus, would any contract bearing it be rendered temporarily void whenever he’s not wearing his work pants? How much of Minimus’s existence makes him cry late into the night with how legally dubious it is? Does Delta Magnus know about Ultra Magnus being a skin suit? I feel like we don’t focus on how fucked up this whole situation is nearly enough.

Anyway, Velocity asks after Megatron’s medicine, probably because First Aid’s medical note-taking skills often get usurped by his need to write SpringerxReader fanfiction. She mentions that what they’ve been feeding Megatron over the last year have some side effects, which Megatron seems surprised by. Considering he’s felt sickly and crampy this whole time, the side effects are likely meant to be the intent of the medication.

Velocity then takes a gander at the dents Megatron put into his head when he had his little freakout, stating that “chemo-sedatives” can change one’s whole personality in extreme cases, as well as increased stress levels, as Megatron admits that the reason he crushed his head with his hands is that he heard voices screaming. However, Megatron doesn’t think stress caused such a thing.

To recap how the last year has gone for Megatron: he was forced to renounce the cause he had led for the last 4 million years, became co-captain of a fucking Carnival cruise ship, had 95% of his crew disappear from reality, found a bunch of corpses, got slapped in the face by Soundwave’s dad, had to lie to Rewind’s face to make him okay with killing himself so that everyone else might live, got shot as an infant, gaining anywhere from three-to-five fathers as a result, visited the most passive-aggressive garden in the galaxy, got stabbed in the chest and brained with a flat-screen television and then had to apologize for it, and was non-consensually hugged by a swarm of flesh-eating insects parading around in his SIC’s skin suit.

Velocity gets a call on her smart watch, Swerve on the other end demanding her presence at the medibay, seeing as she’s the only doctor on the ship now, and there are multiple people having a crisis.

Smash cut to Swerve, Cyclonus, Tailgate, Chromedome, Rewind, Rung, and Megatron standing on the bridge, their colors looking super fucked up and light bloomed out, because this is a 40-page issue with a shit-ton of detail and characters, so we’ve got three colorists, two artists, and an extra inker on for this one. They’re meeting with Rodimus, whose fingers have shrunk down to the size of shoestring potato fries, because Swerve, Tailgate, Rewind, Rung, and Megatron heard some sort of awful noise in their brains at the exact same time. Chromedome is here to support his husband, because he loves him so, so much, kissy-noise kissy-noise. Cyclonus is here mainly to clarify that he’s a badass who no one has ever heard cry, because emotional vulnerability and expressing pain are for pussies, unless you’re doing it by way of self-harming directly onto your face meat.

Only Tailgate and Rewind actually admit to what they heard, Tailgate hearing Cyclonus berate him for falling for Getaway’s tricks and Rewind hearing Dominus berate him for not doing enough to find him. I’d imagine both Rung and Swerve were hearing things relating to their professionalism, given that Rung fucking sucks at his job, and Swerve’s gonna fry the moment Ten gets a union sorted out. Megatron, is well, Megatron, so there’s a litany of awful things that he could have heard.

Rodimus has Blaster reveal that the ship received a signal at the exact same time that these people had their little brain event. Brainstorm hypothesizes that what happened was some sort of psychological assault, perhaps of Galactic Council origin, as a means of testing a new brain weapon. Magnus, who has been up on an upper level with a clipboard up to this point, notes that they could trace the signal. Mainframe informs him that they have, but the origin doesn’t seem to correspond to any known location in the navigation, and they’d have to physically go there to see what’s up. Which isn’t sketchy in the slightest.

Rodimus wants to load up on his big, beautiful Rodpod with everyone, so they can find who did this and make them stop. When Magnus questions if this is a wise course of action, Rodimus uses American grammar to trip up Magnus’s British-based spellcheck, so he gets to do whatever he wants. This is a trick he’s picked up since Drift left, as the old game of “pitting my people-pleaser hippy dippy boytoy and my no-nonsense stick-up-the-ass sentient rulebook against one another, so whatever I wanted to do from the start can seem like a pleasantly centralized option” doesn’t work very well when you replace the boytoy with a grumpy old man who tried to murder everything with a heartbeat.

Velocity wants to join the trip alongside Team Rodimus, but Mainframe has his reservations. I don’t blame him, considering she is, again, the only medical doctor currently on board this ship. He suggests she take along some personal protection, just in case.

…I mean, he’ll definitely make sure any bad guys who come her way will die horribly, if nothing else. Also, apparently the Rodpod's artificial gravity goes all the way around.

Nautica’s spent the last few weeks tricking out the Rodpod with a fancy schmancy new teleport drive, because Rodimus was annoying her to the point where if she didn’t give him what he was moaning about she might have had to kill him. Megatron is hesitant to use the drive, but after being informed that there are safety perimeters in place that’ll keep the ol’ Rodimus Podimus from teleporting inside a asteroid or whatever, he pulls the level and they end up in the dark.

No, not space dark, don’t be funny. That’s my job, and they don’t pay me for it, which should tell you how dire the situation is. This is a special sort of dark. The sort of dark that leads to panic and lethal levels of quipping. Rodimus cuts the lights on, but it does very little to offset the absolutely suffocating darkness outside. Rewind notes that there aren’t any stars, and Tailgate admits that he doesn’t know how space works. That’s alright Tailgate, neither do any of the people who draw or color this comic. You’re amongst (created by?) friends here.

The scanners reveal that there’s something 3000 miles in front of them. And behind them. And to the left, to the right, 12 o'clock, three o'clock, six o'clock, nine o'clock, rock around the clock tonight— that is to say, they’re surrounded by something the size of a planet. After disabling the safety protocols on the Rodimus Podimus, the gang find themselves on the surface of Necroworld, where the Necrobot Censere lives and operates his many plinths to the living and dead. Megatron isn’t exactly thrilled to be back here. Nightbeat on the other hand, is overdose on mystery, and he couldn’t be happier. Nobody’s sure what the fuck is going on. There’s no time to theorize, however, as half the gang just got blown sky high.

Everyone books it back to the Rodpod to escape the dozen attack craft coming after them, but there’s more trouble here— the teleport drive is dead. Which is weird, because they should have had enough juice to get to and from their little trip. When Rodimus tries to contact the Lost Light, there’s no response. They’re not responding. Megatron tells him that those are two different things, mirroring the same thing Optimus said about trying to contact the Lost Light after he and Jetfire viewed the will tapes. Everyone else is busy trying to figure out who the hell could be firing on them, all of them roughly coming to the same conclusion that Cybertronians as a whole aren’t terribly well liked, and the Lost Lighters have made a bit of a name (derogatory) for themselves, since they insulted the Galactic Council, caused the end of the 16-million year Stentarian war, and have ruined at least one bar with physical violence over home movies.

Rodimus tells Megatron to park the Rodpod at the Necrobot’s citadel, just in time for a missile to hit the ass-end of the shuttle, blowing off Magnus’s arm, shredding off roughly half of Nautica’s face, and giving Cyclonus an excuse to hold Tailgate in his arms. Everyone bolts to get inside, Nautica being carried by Skids so we can further solidify the straightest pairing in the series. Once they’re all inside, their attackers retreat, and we see where Censere’s gotten to in all this.

Let’s give him a hand, folks!

While Velocity looks over the body, Nightbeat deals with his personal Santa Claus being dead by way of trying to figure out what happened. Megatron, meanwhile, noticed that the craft that attacked them were of Decepticon design, and he tells Ravage to go check it out. Honestly, I doubt he was the only one to notice, given that all but three of the people on this trip were dealing with the Decepticons in some form or fashion all throughout the war, and could therefore identify the make of the crafts, if not the model, so I’m not sure what the deal is with this secrecy.

Brainstorm is brought over to Nightbeat to help solve this mystery, and he promptly identifies that some of Censere’s equipment is very similar to the stuff Tyrest used for the Aequitas trials, likely used to figure out what sparkflowers to plant where. Rewind, having popped on his sparkliest nipple pasties on, because he hates Censere and wants to get glitter all over his house, asks the boys to scootch on over so he can try to call the Lost Light. Nightbeat thinks that Censere tried to sabotage a signal someone else had sent in an attempt to lure Team Rodimus (and friends) to the planet, and that resulted in the brain attack that had happened earlier in the day. Unfortunately, Censere didn’t spend any time with Rodimus the last time the Lost Light visited, so he didn’t get a taste of the ridiculous way Rodimus likes to live his life, and why the psychic attack wouldn’t work.

Rewind gets the phone working, calling Rodimus over to get on the horn. Magnus stands in the background, showing off his grievous amputation. After a bit of fiddling with the settings on their end, the Lost Light makes official contact with Team Rodimus.

Getaway, last we saw him, was very much in prison, but Rodimus isn’t going to focus on that niggling little detail right now, as he asks for the Lost Light to swing by to pick up the team so they don’t all die. Getaway sort of DOES want to focus on that detail, however, as he very much didn’t appreciate being fetish fuel throughout the holiday season, and, despite his name, didn’t actually escape that setup. No, Getaway had help.

Man, guess Megatron should’ve reconsidered failing Riptide on his essay.

Speaking of Megatron, he walks up about now to see what all the hubbub’s about. Rodimus, looking like he’s about to cry, realizes that Mainframe lied to them about not being able to track the signal. Getaway gives him points for getting that right, but really, he wants to drive home the point that the entirety of the crew wanted Megatron’s little pals off the ship. And that’s what it’s really about, at the end of the day. Getaway hates that high command gave Megatron a party cruise to live out his last days on, last days that might not even happen, with the track record of this goddamned quest. He’s sick of Rodimus and pals acting like this whole arrangement isn’t an affront to every single life that’s been snuffed out because of Megatron’s actions.

Everyone other than Whirl seems pretty bummed out by these accusations. Swerve pipes up, enraged that he’s been doomed to die alongside everyone else— he doesn’t even LIKE Megatron. Getaway reveals that at some point or another, he and Atomizer (the interior designer turned bowman, you’ll recall) approached every single crew member and asked if they thought Megatron deserved to have a second chance and also, completely unrelated, but what would you do in the event of a coup? Anyone who didn’t provide a desirable answer got visited by the nudge gun fairy— that gun that can fire thought into your brain, or just erase memories if fired dry. The collection of headaches main cast have been experiencing over the last several issues? The side effect of being shot. Skids especially does not like this reveal.

Of course, Getaway isn’t just upset with Megatron’s leadership— he’s also mad as hell what’s supposed to be a trip to find their ancestors, who will guide them back onto the straight and narrow, has, in actuality, been Rodimus’s midlife crisis road trip. Getaway wasn’t even here for Rodimus and Drift’s ass-slapping contests and insulting galactic officials who want the Cybertronians dead, but he didn’t need to be. He took one look at the Rodpod and decided he needed to kill Rodimus right then and there.

Rodimus, at this point, remembers the list Atomizer had offered him back during the trial. Magnus, biting his lip at the idea of a list existing, asks what that’s all about, and Rodimus explains. Getaway really was hoping that Rodimus would take the bait, so he could’ve blackmailed Rodimus into stepping down and letting literally anyone else take over. Probably Magnus, at that point in the timeline, given that he hadn’t gotten buddy-buddy with Megatron yet at that point. Unless Getaway considers acting as someone’s lawyer under order of the space pope as being too close to an individual.

Getaway decides that this conversation has reached its natural conclusion, as he’s got questing to get done, and it should be moving at a pretty even clip now, since he’s excised all the distractions. Rodimus swears to come after him, but Getaway doubts it’ll happen, given what’s happening next.

While this debacle has been happening, Ravage has been busy searching a crash site, trying to uncover the identity of who the hell’s decided to attack them. Tarn commits a microagression at him, before firing his twin fusion cannons.

The call ends, Getaway cutting off the comm to all contact.

Ravage shows back up at this point, to give everyone the bad news.

Nightbeat, honey, the tragedy is in the opposite direction.

Now, that’s technically the finale of the main story, but there’s a little bonus comic attached to the end, acting as a sort of sideways epilogue to hint at what Getaway and his merry band of mutineers will be getting up to, since we aren’t seeing them again for a bit.

Our little backup strip begins right before the original launch of the Lost Light, where we see some guys we haven’t seen the 2012 Annual issue. Shock and Ore wander around what will one day become Swerve’s, Shock convinced that this ship is actually the ship they lost 5 million years prior, the Unitrex-1. Ore isn’t so sure, but as the readers, we saw the exact moment that Unitrex-1 disappeared in issue #38, after Rodimus forgot to wash his hands while putting the quantum engine together. Shock, wanting to prove that he’s right, fumbles around in the dark, looking for the graffiti he carved into the underside of a table. Ore gets a call on his space Blackberry while he’s doing this, and we finally get the other half of that call Prowl made in issue #1, after he failed to get Chromedome to stay on Cybertron. The Duobots have 20 minutes to get Overlord’s massive, lippy ass on the ship. Knowing that that isn’t a ton of time, the two quickly book it out of the bar, leaving the spectral form of Skids to look really bummed out.

Later, at Swerve’s grand (secret) opening, we see some more old faces.

Whoa now, Drift, you’re not supposed to be back until next issue!

Pipes thinks he’s been cursed to not have friends, since Hubcap is still at his dead-end job with the Wreckers, and Riptide was too busy being in a coma to come say goodbye. How rude!

Drift doesn’t seem to particularly want Pipes around more than necessary, pushing him to be friends with Rewind, who he describes as having kind eyes. Whether Drift is doing this to keep Pipes safe from overhearing any Overlord-related secrets, keeping his ass-slapping and sexually-tense sword training time with Rodimus safe, or just because he finds Pipes to be mildly annoying isn’t clear. Pipes, however, is looking for more than friendship— he’s looking to bone down.

Pipes’s ideal partner is wide as they are tall, with tits to match and at least one alt-mode that he can use as a yacht. Drift tells him he can introduce him to Tailgate, though something tells me Pipes isn’t really Tailgate’s type, given that he can actually say what he means and doesn’t have some fucked-up facial situation.

It’s really too bad that Pipes died, because I bet he would have loved Nautica, and he would have REALLY loved Nickel.

Later still, we see all of our doctors together— even Ambulon is there! In one piece, even! Ambulon wants to tell First Aid something, and First Aid automatically tries to make it a cosmetic thing, because of COURSE Ambulon would be insecure about his bad skin, and what he really needs is a better cleanser. What Ambulon actually wants to talk about, though, is his alt mode, and the fact that the puns involved with being part of a Combiner make him want to die. First Aid understands, but Swerve, known menace to society, might not be so compassionate, as he throws a grenade into the back of Ambulon’s head, triggering his transformation. Ambulon is mortified, and Swerve does the thing that Ambulon literally just said he hates. First Aid continues to rip flakes of paint off of Ambulon, as the specter of Velocity watches, looking pretty bummed about the fact that she never got to be part of banter like this.

Later on than that, Rewind and a wheelchair-bound Rung are in the currently-empty Swerve’s, as Rewind calls Chromedome to gather up one of the groups for those storytelling circles Rewind organized to try to fix Rung’s brain. He hangs up, then tells Rung that once his brain works again, they’re going to have a goddamned chat about Dominus Ambus, which is only mildly hampered in its threat by the fact that Rewind standing is barely the same height as Rung sitting down.

Rewind then gets to work writing out the story map for when the “Shadowplay” group gets there, as the specter of Chromedome reaches out longingly for the dead version of his husband. He laments that this Rewind died without closure, but the ghostly specter of Rung reminds him that there are rules to this, and they have to leave now. Not sure why Rung’s here to watch himself be threatened by Pipsqueak McGee. Is he actually doing his job for once, helping guide someone through their grief? I doubt it, since Chromedome isn’t a hottie bo-body like Skids, and his problems haven’t (directly, at least) caused the sort of trouble that make entire star systems hate you like Megatron.

Later, during the Overlord disaster, Perceptor sprints into Swerve’s, shouting for a medic, as the rest of the battered and beaten watch. Hoist, himself hooked up to the wall by some sort of cable, while wearing his extra-special Rodimus Star, offers to help, though he’s technically an engineer, and whatever he’s gonna do probably won’t have any consideration for the soul or ability to feel pain. Perceptor was using Tripodeca— sweet, beloved, friend to all, who was the star of the post-Overlord mass funeral Tripodeca— as a, uh, tripod for his rifle, when Overlord probably noticed that the ol’ science sniper looked sort of familiar and did a lil’ grabbing with his big nasty hands. Hoist asks if Perceptor is going to stop Overlord, and considering how things went the last time Overlord was the star of the show, I doubt Perceptor thought he was gonna get lucky twice in terms of survival, especially when Overlord is riGHT BEHIND HIM OH GOD LORDY JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH

How Perceptor survived this isn't clear, but we know he did, as he continued to show up in the story past issue #15 in a decidedly alive, non-paste form. His specter watches this scene unfold, expression unreadable.

Post-Luna 1, Swerve stands in his ruined bar dejectedly, when he realizes that quite a few people have shown up to help him clean up the mess, as long as he promises to reward their hard work with reopening once it’s done. As everyone works to get things back in order, Swerve tells them to keep an eye out for a non-trashed Legislator that he could use as a bouncer, once he fucks around with its head enough to make it do what he wants. Ten’s specter watches as his shitty boss and arguable father is gifted the body that would become him, making a note to get his union going with a bit more urgency.

Later, on the day of the “Fuck Off Megatron 2-for-1 Drink Deal”, Crosscut lead Riptide, Mirage, and Nautica on a tour of the ship. Mirage notes that Swerve’s is a bit of a dive, not suited to his refined tastes in the slightest. In a booth, Getaway and Atomizer have boxed Mainframe in on either side to have a little chat. Swerve and Bluestreak talk television, Bluestreak making a little jab at MTMTE’s second season not being quite as well-received by fans as the first. Over at the bar, Highbrow and Perceptor talk about Quark, while Brainstorm watches while having his briefcase, which he is NOT supposed to have in here.

Crosscut goes on about this bar being where all things happen and where bittersweet is the most often-felt emotion, then calls Trailcutter/blazer an alcoholic as he dances on the ceiling. The specters of just about everyone on the ship watch their fallen friend, enjoying the moment and missing him terribly, as Perceptor brings them back to the here and now of the story, which turns out to be just after the holiday special, judging by the Christmas lights.

Minimus asks if this is safe, and Perceptor says that it is, as nobody can actually interact with the past, because Brainstorm is the only one who’s ever actually perfected that tech, not that this isn’t his fault either. It turns out that when you try to fly against the stream of time as it naturally occurs, you tear a few thousand itty bitty holes on the way to perfecting the process. Perceptor’s found a way to let others view the past, at least for a little while. Minimus is fine with it, as long as everyone continues to behave, and it seems like they are, as everyone mingles in Swerve’s.

The two of them sit down, Megatron handing Minimus what I’m sure is a mocktail, and Perceptor explains that while the window into the past is closing for now, it may open back up in the future. When Rodimus asks when that might be, he then immediately decides that he doesn’t want to know, instead wanting to have a fun little surprise for later. They don’t get very many of those, fun surprises.

As everyone toasts to the dead and to future adventures, the specter of Getaway watches on, smug as hell.

That’s the end of “No Guns, No Swords, No Briefcases” but that is STILL not the end of the issue! It never ends, this thing! Because the number 50 is very big and impressive, obviously this is a double-sized spectacular, and has to cap off with a note from the man himself— James Roberts.

And then after that we get a new notes from fans, but this is already obscenely long and I think I can show you the crux of what they’re all saying right here: MTMTE (2012) is fucking good. It’s a good series. Make your goddamn family, friends, coworkers, librarians, and goldfish read it. Share it with people you’ve never met. Get a long-term personal project out of it. Get long-term friends out of it. Get a long-term romantic partner out of it. If I can do it, so can you!

#transformers #MTMTE #issue 50 #maccadam #hannzreads #text post #long post #comic script writing #overthinking about robots #incoming analysis

[frasier-crane-style]

What I hate about modern-day comic book writing is that it's so jokey. The Riddler can break out of Arkham, kill twelve people, and threaten to blow up a subway car, and everyone will act like they're just LARPing? There'll be random hook-ups and a bunch of pop culture references and the whole situation will be treated with these knowing kid gloves, like everyone involved is Ralph and Sam clocking into work.

And you can't even say that it's lighthearted irreverence or dark humor, because the moment one of the writer's pet causes come up, THEN everyone gets all serious and solemn. So you get these scenes where the characters are treating gentrification like it's the worst thing imaginable, then playing grabass with Mr. Serial Killer like he's just their wacky neighbor.

It completely takes me out of the story, because it's clear the writer is only going to invest actual pathos and engagement into this world when it can be spun to some social justice angle.

I mean, even the shipping... the shipping is arguably bad on its own, but the way straight couples are treated like a retarded soap opera, pairing up at random and then breaking up for no reason, while gay couples are always treated like the second coming of romance and they're forever endgame... how does anyone take this stuff seriously?

Why is marriage this terrible thing that ages the characters and makes them boring, unless it's a gay couple, in which case them getting married is some long overdue triumph over adversity and the best possible direction the story could take and you're just supposed to marinate in how much sex these two characters are having with each other. It's not even porn. I could respect porn. It has a purpose. This is just like... there is a literally published Harley Quinn high school AU comic.

And you know, I watch a Mission: Impossible movie, it has real stakes. Tom Cruise is going "we have to stop this guy before he sets off the nuke!" That's all I'm asking for. That they treat the situation like it's a real thing that's happening to them and not a game show they're on. But these are such shitty writers that they can't put themselves into the headspace of "how would I feel if this were happening to me?"

#also the gay characters are usually unrepentantly evil villains who are now retconned to never having done anything wrong #and only wanting to kill nazis #and the heroes are suddenly willing to make exceptions for THEM to kill whoever they want #because of course supervillains are the best people to judge what grievances are legitimate #this is another rant #but it feels like at least with 90s antiheroes #it was agreed they were bad people #but now we have characters acting worse than venom #and being treated like they're soft uwu babies

[cipheramnesia]

If I was gonna follow up a character from the original Star Wars, it would be one of the storm troopers that got knocked off his bike on Endor, not the one that got eaten by Erik's, but the other guy who limps away and quits the storm troopers in abject disgust after getting his ass handed to him by a combination of teddy bears and inanimate objects followed up by watching the second indestructible superweapon of the empire explode into a million piece again.

So he hides all his gear and bluffs his way off Endor because at that point no one's looking too hard for bad guys, pawns his armor and speeder bike chunks for a ticket into the ass end of nowhere onto one of those planets where it's 90% swamp and humidity, hires on as a ranch hand in some bumfuck cattle farm a thousand kilometers from any spaceport, spends the next four years jabbing the weird hippo-catfish like beasts they raise to supply the greater galaxy with extra tender meat products. He's got a careworn leather poncho and widebrim hat and rides on these heron lookin stilt legged motherfuckers to keep the herds in line.

He keeps his shit secure and himself to himself and far as everyone is concerned he's just a quiet dude, reliable and good with a rifle during the seasonal rush of giant wasps, and doesn't bother anyone. He makes a nice little home and has a little nest egg to maybe start his own ranch one day, someday til one of his old buddies comes spinning out of the sky into the lake outside down in a new order transport ship full of several million bucks worth of high octane space cocaine or whatever, he's been dealing on the side in his unit but almost got caught and had to bug out fast with the latest payload. Only problem is the suppliers and the cartel bosses all think he split with the product to make a quick dollar on his own enterprise.

But neither he nor his deserter buddy know about that he's just some old friend who needs to crash out and lay low while his leg heals up and they haul his little skip out the muck. And honestly no one around there is the type to pry about who skipped out on what draft, everyone has their problems. All up until the cartel and a hundred of their finest killers cruise into town.

They want their product, they want the army buddy's head on a plate, and they want interest paid on their time. It's been years and years since he got pulled into shit like this but in a that time this long past storm trooper has grown a backbone and got tolerably well acquainted with a blaster. There's a hundred killers in town but he's done with running. It's time to start counting.

#star wars #my ocs #storm troopers

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

im back watching the terrible cruise ship murder show i was liveblogging last night and heres some more notes:

i havent mentioned the show's intro yet but its exactly what youd expect it to be, both in style and budget. i have friends who have made much better videos on less of a budget and those videos were ship edits for holby city.

said friend showed me said videos whilst we were sat on a curb at like 9:30pm just before we were approached by police thinking we were lost children. we were in university

im beginning to adore the red colour filter over the ocean, unironically

showing a giant cruise liner docked at any small island really does not make the cruise ship look good. it towers over the island like its about to attack.

...you know, everyone laughed at isambard kingdom brunel for his big fuck off ship, we should bring that back.

oh hey, a case i actually know about prior to this show. im sure this will not highlight any flaws of the show going forward

#kai rambles #kai liveblogs #cruise ship killers #i unironically love this show now #me and my mom got breakfast at the pub before visiting my brother in hospital today and i told her all about the show #she did actually enjoy the infodumping for once because she also watches this kind of thing #im saving that conversation topic with my brother for when my moms not there to act as buffer because hes so hard to talk to #and hes somehow ended up on conspiracy tiktok and i simply just do not engage when he starts talking about putin body doubles #i genuinely warned his nurse about that as we were leaving because Its Not Fun #...also i think my mom lowkey wants to set me up with said nurse? as we left she was like ''i could see you with that nurse'' and on the #ride back she was talking about how nice his hair was and how his eyes seemed to sparkle and oh my god mom #shipposting

[talenlee]

Can a Bird Love A Falcon

Since last year’s Locked Tomb readings got me nostalgic and retrospective, it was only a matter of time before I retreated back to earliest media of my post-cult life, the stuff that stands tall in my mind as some of my first lessons in how to be normal. So I picked the thing with a bunch of PTSD and existential horror.

Let’s talk about the Rachel/Tobias ship.

Spoiler Warning: If you’re ever planning on reading the Animorphs story, this article is going to spoil some events that happen in the last half of it. And since this is about Animorphs I guess Content Warning for war death trauma body integrity horror uh mind control uh cannibalism uh what’s the term for beating someone to death with one of your own severed limbs, that.

That.

Animorphs is a lot.

There’s not a lot of romantic material in Animorphs, but it’s there. It’s almost expertly defined in negative space – the way that actual teenagers consider and tease at the idea of boyfriend-girlfriend-joyfriend stuff without saying it, without any of it being explicit. Like nobody sits down and makes a list of reasons to want to date someone, it’s often just about emotional reactions to momentary stimuli, things that imprint on the brain and are being tested out bit by bit. It’s hard to grapple with for me to get in the right mind space, but remembering the Animorphs characters are, like, fourteen and not Anime-Fourteen but fourteen fourteen is pretty big in explaining how and why they react to things.

In that space, though, there’s the sorta-maybe-hey-thinking-about-it-do-they-kiss romance of Rachel and Tobias. Rachel is a girl repeatedly described as being hot, by her cousin, a tall, blonde girl who also is hiding the instincts of a violent warrior, a girl thrown into a war and commanded to be an adult, and she actually takes to it well. Like, in a different framing device, Rachel is the antagonist of a teen serial killer story. Tobias, by contrast, is what you might these days consider something of a droopy sadboy – floppy hair, skinny, no friends, unappreciated, bounced between abusive carers that aren’t properly parents, and then at the end of the very first story he turns into a hawk, never* to turn back again.

Oh and he’s also secretly an alien prince, but don’t worry, nobody ever tells him that.

It’s not even like it’s a complicated ship, in a lot of ways. As a loser of a boy, it was really just the shape of the most standard fantasy possible: What if there was the hottest girl in the world, who for reasons beyond both your control, had reason to hang out with you, become emotionally invested in you, and then from there, ha ha, you got ’em! You’re basically married at that point as long as no circumstances change the status quo where you get to hang around her regularly!

And then, thanks to you trying too hard and being too awesome, you have to leave your old life behind, embracing a new life, a new reality where none of your responsibilities persisted, your bad family were gone, and you have a reason to be socially connected with four extremely cool people who were probably not really your friends to start with. Oh and one of them is really hot and can kill everyone who bothers you. I mean beats up everyone. I mean she can protect you with her big, strong arms that are also fuzzy because she is a bear, and when she’s not a bear she’s basically Genius Barbie.

From her perspective, she can pick who she likes but instead of a boy who has Conventional Interests and connects to her life, she gets a boyfriend who is a secret. Also, he’s paradoxically, dangerous and very safe; they’re not sexually compatible in terms of their bodies, it’s very hard to argue that Tobias is interested in her because of her body and how their bodies relate. As a romantic partner, Tobias has to be interested in her for herself. At the same time, he’s a goddamn hawk, and hawks are really cool and badass and scary, and she can have him cruising around on her shoulder like she’s a pirate.

I obviously liked this ship as a kid because both of the halves were hot. It wasn’t just that Rachel was gorgeous but also that Tobias looked really good for kissing, and that meant they’d both have a fun time kissing, right? Obviously? This is a very straight way to consider ships, especially ships where I both wanted to be and kiss Tobias. Because again, he was hot. Right?

The canon of Animorphs actually deep-sixes the ship, early and late. There’s a middle period where the ship can happen, but there’s an after and a before, and the before is ‘when Tobias and Rachel barely know each other.’ They do eventually get a chance to do more conventional ship stuff – like holding hands and kissing – but that’s See, and I know you might not remember this: Rachel dies. Her last book is her relating her story, in her dying moments, to a god-figure, and there we get one of the enduring quotes of the series:

“You were brave, you were strong, you were good. You mattered.”

And before that quote, Rachel, reflecting on that moment, says that Tobias would not have let her get into the position where she was dying. He wouldn’t, because he loved her. And that’s some nice ship material but it would be nicer if it wasn’t happening as a character is dying.

Now you might think, hang on, this is a het ship. That’s not what I normally talk about around here! And you might be surprised, but consider this. This is a woman, and the lover who she cannot touch, who she cannot embrace, because there is a wrongness to it. The body of that lover does not properly align with their identity. The girl is positioned forever stand at a love that expresses itself through mostly, not expressing itself.

An eagle and a girl, is that not, itself, yuri?

Okay, I know it’s not. Personally, I have very little patience for ‘ah, two unrelated things is yuri’ jokes because it’s a wheelie everyone pops but also because, like, yeah, maybe it’s great to capture all the metaphorical ways we’ve suppressed women’s relatoinships but also maybe you could have them like hold hands and say they’re interested in one another. Like, that’s an option. Imagine if more yuri felt they could do that, even. What a world.

But anyway, thing is, Tobias, as a character, is a figure Important To The 90s Trans community, along with other such icons as Bugs Bunny and Ranma Saotome. There’s a fairly common thread through Tobias’ narrated books where he reflects on a determined tragedy (who he has been told he has to be) and the freedom of change (as being able to freely choose an identity and presentation through morphing). Applegate has been pretty clear that whatever vision of the characters’ sexuality and gender relationships work for you are effectively canon – they’re characters shared through the experience of reading and all that.

I’m not saying every nonbinary or trans kid from the 90s will respond to ‘Thermals’ and ‘Cinnabunzzzzz’ but a bunch will and it’s a trend worth noting.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Animorphs #Media

[abarbaricyalp]

Reactions/Spoilers for 144!

Release my Indescribable, Nikignik. He did nothing wrong.

If my partner ran a prank channel and pretended to be dead for a millenia, I'd kill them too.

Froglins in society! Froglin copycat Instrumentalist theory lives on.

Not a plush Night Gaunt 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I want Hallowoods toys

So Liberty city is not necessarily Fort Freedom? But it's in the same vein. And last we saw of Rick Rounds, he was with Crain/Crane and Tulip just outside of New York, right? 👀

OH RIGHT Brooklyn was pregnant!

Wait a second how is Hope only 12?

Well capitalism has returned

What in the 1800s/1930s mash up 😅😅😅😅

Crack theory: The Count is living his best Dracula/The Demeter life as captain of this not-cruise ship

Chewing on the bars of my cage to know what happened to Buck's leg or if it's an exacerbation of his previous injury

"Don't forget me," said Hope, and hid her plush toy behind her back, tried to look very serious. "Pleasure to meet you." 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

THOUGHTS OF DANIELLE FROM TIME TO TIME??????? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

Adopted is a strong word. You kind of stole the beagle

Okay I don't think beagles survive bear traps 😬😬😬 but I'm glad this one did

Oh, so their parents weren't victims of the Instrumentalist. There is literally another serial killer that no one considered??? It's butcher themed?!?!?! Hello, Virgil???? You useless old man

Leave clowns alone 😭

It could still be a froglin :/

Yeah, Nik deserves to kill Marolmar

HYSTERICAL???? Oh Nik, I hope whatever you did hurt

(Yeah yeah I'm not convinced he's actually dead/Nik is the one who killed him, but now I'm hoping it's true)

#hello from the hallowoods #hfth #hfth spoilers #hfth s4

[navalcriminalimagines]

Unlucky - Chapter 3

I'm baaaackkkk!!! <3 I hope you're still loving this series!

NCIS x Criminal Minds crossover!!

Summary: You’re Emily Prentiss’s little sister, you work for NCIS and when your team got a case in Quantico, it’s time for her to meet your team and for you to meet hers…

Pairings: sister!Emily Prentiss x Reader, Leroy Jethro Gibbs x Reader, Aaron Hotchner x Reader (and maybe more…)

Words count: 2.4k

Prologue - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

Tags: @duckysmith3000 @sitkafay @thebaileybugle @katieslotherford @ilovemark1951

Once you got to your sister’s apartment, you rushed to the bathroom and jumped in the shower. You stayed under the hot water for longer than anticipated, but you needed to relax and regain control of your feelings and emotions. You joined Emily in the living room almost an hour later; she was on the couch, cuddling Sergio - who didn’t care that you were there - and watching some cooking show. “You know that there’s something called greetings? You should try sometimes, especially with your host.” 

“I needed a shower, sue me.” You shot back, looking in the kitchen if there was something to eat. 

“Someone’s in a bad mood - look in the fridge you idiot.” 

You did and found a full plate of pasta. “Rossi’s recipe.” She told you. 

You warmed up the food and joined Emily on the couch. You started to eat under her stare. “What?” You asked with a mouthful.

“What’s wrong? Is it about your case?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” You lied.

“Y/N/N, not only I’m your sister, but I’m a profiler. Speak.” Sergio was purring on Emily’s lap, and she kissed the top of his head. 

“Just leave me alone, will you?”

“It’s this job, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about? I love my job.”

“Do you?”

“Yes, I wouldn’t have stayed three years if I didn’t. Where does this come from?” You were getting annoyed with this conversation. 

“Nowhere. It’s just that I—nevermind.” Sighing, your sister stood up to get herself a drink. 

“No, speak Prentiss.”

“Don’t Prentiss me, Prentiss.”

“What’s your problem with my job? It’s basically the same as yours!”

“Which is exactly the problem.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Fine. You want to know? I don’t think you’re made to be a federal agent.”

“Excuse me?” Your appetite disappeared and you pushed your plate away. You couldn’t deny that Rossi’s pasta recipe was amazing, but your stomach was knotting on itself.

“This job is a lot. Investigating crimes for a living is tough. Thank god you’re not chasing serial killers like I am, but it doesn’t mean that it’s a cruise ship for you either.”

“Are you saying that I don’t have what it takes to be a fed? That I’m too—weak?”

“No, not too weak, Y/N. But I’m scared for you okay! I’m scared because I haven’t seen your sparkles in years. I’m scared that something will happen to you. And it’s been like this since you joined the Navy. You have no idea what it's like to know that your little sister is at war, in the most dangerous places in the world and not knowing if she’ll come back.” Emily finished her glass of wine in one swallow. She has been holding this for such a long time, and even though she knew you didn’t like hearing it, it was nice to let it out.

“I’m not a little fragile thing, Emily. I loved my time in the Navy and I love working for NCIS. Can’t you just be happy for me?”

“Considering how you walked in tonight and the look on your face, it’s hard to think that you’re happy yourself.”

“I’m not happy, okay? But it has nothing to do with my job.”

It took a moment for Emily to understand. “Please, tell me it’s not that Tony guy.”

“Ew, no! Never.” No offense to Tony, but just no. You could never be with someone like him, no matter how hot he was.

“Thank god.” She breathed out. “Who is it then? Do I need to shoot the guy?”

You chuckled softly. “No, it’s okay. I think me and him need to make things clear,”

“Because you’re not on the same page?”

“We were at first, but not anymore.”

“I see. Did you fall or did he?”

There was no way you’d answer this question. But this was your sister Emily in front of you. Not giving her an answer was an answer itself. 

Grabbing your plate, you put it back in the fridge - you couldn’t throw this dish away. You tried to pet Sergio for a moment, but the cat ran back immediately to its owner. “Dick!” you growled. 

“Hey! Don’t insult your nephew.” 

“Oh dear god,” You rolled your eyes but smiled. You grabbed your bag, kissed your sister good night and got to the bedroom. 

You settled on the bed with your laptop and files lying in front of you, but you couldn’t really concentrate. It was only when you looked down that you realized you were wearing one of Gibbs’s Navy t-shirts. Still mad at his reaction back in the car, you stood up and took the shirt off in order to put another one. 

“What in the world are those scars, Y/N?!?” you heard your sister exclaiming behind you. You quickly put the shirt back on and sat back on the bed.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Are you kidding me right now? You have several enormous scars on your fucking back!” Emily was screaming, probably waking up the entire neighborhood. “When? How? Why?! Fucking talk to me, Prentiss!” 

“My body, none of your business.” You knew it was a stupid thing to say but it was all you could come up at this moment.

“None of my– are you fucking serious? Tell me what the hell happened to you!” Emily’s face was crimson. Not only was she pissed, but also worried and scared. You knew where it came from, you understood her, but you couldn’t talk about it. Your therapist had been the only person you talked to.

“Just leave me alone, Em. Please,” You didn’t want to beg, but what else could you do?

“No! I won’t, I can’t! Not after what I saw.”

Then there was only one solution left. You packed your stuff quickly and ran past Emily to leave. She obviously tried to stop you, but you fought back. “I’m not talking about my scars, Emily! Just deal with it!” 

Seeing the tears in your eyes, Emily decided to let it go for that night. But there was no way she would let you go back to DC without knowing what happened to you.

Not knowing if you could go back to the BAU’s office in the middle of the night, you stayed in your car for a few hours. Your brain didn’t want to shut up, you were spiraling and thinking about so many things at the time. Gibbs, your scars, the case, your past. You weren’t happy and you knew it, but you didn’t know what to do to change that.

Around 6am, you decided to go to the office anyway. You’d figured out a way to get in, and it was easier than you expected since you ran into Hotch in the parking lot. “Someone’s an early bird,” he smiled at you. “Did you sleep well?” 

“Did you?” 

Hotch chuckled at that, because you had a point. You started to walk together towards the entrance, “Are there showers I can use in here?” you asked.

“Um, they are down at the gym, but you need an ID.” Hotch thought for a second. “Let me walk you there and use mine.” 

You got into the elevator with him and he pressed the button for the gym floor. “Thank you Hotch.” You smiled. “Now that we’re heading to the gym, do you think I can train for a bit?”

“Yeah sure. Do you train a lot?”

“Whenever I can. I blame my time in the Navy,” 

“I should probably train more, but sometimes it’s hard to motivate myself.” 

“Do it with me this morning, then.” 

It was only when you heard Hotch coughing that you understood the double meaning of your sentence. “Oh come on, Hotch.” you chuckled and tried to hide the redness forming on your cheeks. 

“What? I just coughed.”

“Sure.”

You finally reached the gym, and asked him for the locker room. You quickly changed and joined Hotch next to the ring and punching balls. He was wearing some shorts and a dark tank top. You couldn’t deny his attractiveness. Aaron Hotchner was a really fine looking man, even more when he wasn’t in his strict work suit. 

“Do you know how to fight, Agent Hotchner?” you teased him.

“I do.”

You jumped on the ring, and sat on the second rope, inviting him in. He rolled his eyes and chuckled but got in anyway. “No gloves?” he asked.

As an answer, you rushed to him and brought him down in a matter of seconds. You stood tall on top of him, “No gloves.” 

A few seconds later, it was your turn to get down on your back as Hotch returned the situation. You let out a small yelp from the surprise, and the FBI agent had a huge grin on his face. He had your hands pinned above your head, holding your wrists firmly. But it was easy for you to get out of this position; you gave him a gentle kick, before forcing on your hips. Hotch got on his back again and you were on top of him, holding his hands above his head. Neither of you said anything, just realizing the position you were in. Hotch was extremely handsome under you, his hair falling back, his muscled shoulders practically bare. “I’m gonna be late,” he said, as you were leaning down, slowly approaching your lips to his. 

“You’re right,” you cleared your throat and freed him. He had stopped you before you made a mistake and that was for the best. Even though you and Gibbs weren’t clearly dating, you were apparently exclusive and you couldn’t do this to him. Plus, Hotch was your sister’s boss. 

You stood up and helped him get back on his feet. The atmosphere was strange, and you felt uncomfortable. “Showers are over there,” he pointed, before leaving the ring. “Can I ask you something?” he turned around, looking up to you. You nodded, “What did you fight about with Emily?” 

You sighed, leaning over the ropes. “She saw something she shouldn’t have.”

“Like what?” He pressed his hands on the edge of the ring.

“My scars,” you blurred out, not sure why. You didn’t want to talk about it, you never did. So why did you say it to Hotch? Just like Emily, he probably wouldn’t let it go. 

“Scars? What scars?” 

“Uh, nothing. Not important.” 

“Was important enough to make your sister flip out.” 

“Just drop it, Hotch. Please.” You sat down on the edge, the ropes separating you and Hotch. His hands were still firmly pressed on the mat, he didn’t move a finger when your legs got between his arms. “How are you?” you asked, forcing him to drop the subject. “Are you okay with–not having your ring?” 

Of course he knew what you were doing and he chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m fine. My finger feels lonely but it’s okay.” 

“Who cares about your finger? Do you feel lonely?”

Hotch just stared at you, not saying a word. His silence was saying everything you needed to know.

“Once we wrap this case, I’m going out for drinks with your team.” you informed him, crawling under the bottom rope to get down the ring. “You should join!” 

“Maybe I will, if we’re not required somewhere.” Right. You forgot about that. For all you knew, Hotch, your sister and their team could be gone by the end of the day. You kissed his cheek, thanking him for training - well, if that could be called training - and you were off to the showers. 

When you got to the conference room your team was using, Gibbs and McGee were already there. You high five with your friend like every morning and give the smallest nod to your boss. He looked well rested, and he smiled at you like last night didn’t happen. But you were still pretty mad at him and his assumptions. 

Tony and Ziva arrived shortly after and you all focused on your case, spending the entire morning trying to find a solid lead. You forced yourself to block Gibbs, telling yourself that he was just your boss, maybe your friend, but nothing more. 

“Morning Prentiss! Where’s the other Prentiss?” Derek Morgan walked into the bullpen, coffee in hand. 

“Wow, all you care about is meeting Emily’s young sister now? We do exist, remember?” Garcia teased her friend.

“How could I forget, babygirl?” He kissed her temple. “But I’m curious.”

“We haven’t seen her yet,” JJ joined the conversation. “Her team had been locked up in the conference room before we arrived,” 

“Workaholics, like us.” Spencer said. 

“What’s their case about?” 

Emily told them what she knew about the NCIS case, before they all settled at their desk, doing the boring paperwork. But the entire morning was about the NCIS team being here and you. The BAU kept asking Emily all kinds of questions about you, how you were, why she never told them about you. She put a smile on her face, and answered her friends, but all she could think about was the scars she saw on your back. 

When she could, she joined Garcia in the office, locking the door behind her. “Em?”

“Penelope Garcia, I need your talents.” She grabbed a chair and sat next to her friend, “Your talents to do things you are not supposed to.”

“What’s going on?”

“I need you to take a look in an NCIS file.”

Garcia sighed at her friend's request. “Can’t you ask your sister what their case is exactly?”

“I don’t give a shit about their case. I want you to access my sister’s file.”

“Her file? Why? Is the woman inside the conference room not your sister?” Garcia teased her friend.

“Garcia, I’d laugh but this is very important. Please?”

“Fine, is there something in particular you wanna see?”

“I wanna know exactly why she stopped being a Marine and decided to be a Federal Agent. So, look at something that happened about three years ago.” 

Garcia made sure that her door was locked and dived in. Being the hacking genius she was, it didn’t take long for Garcia to find what Emily was looking for. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Emily asked, looking at the computer screen.

“I think it means your sister was–held hostage and tortured. The NCIS team were the ones that found her.” 

Emily Prentiss felt like she was about to faint.

#ncis #criminal minds #ncis imagine #ncis x criminal minds #criminal minds reader insert #ncis reader insert #jethro gibbs x reader #jethro gibbs #aaron hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #gibbs x reader #emily prentiss #emily prentiss x reader #ncis team #bau team

[cillianwilder]

Imagine if companies didn't have to answer to shareholders...

This is not a political post.

This is a post about how, if I was the owner of Capcom, there's no way in hell that all the company's money would go toward some investors' pockets until I had an exact replica of the Spencer Estate. It's where all the employees would work. Offices up top in a cush mansion atmosphere, programmers in the basement labs like the geniuses they are, groundskeepers in the cozy cabin with the killer plants, etc.

I want the whole thing and I want everyone to have a blast and live in a fantastic little video game world while they work.

The best part? People could pay to tour. More income for the company. More video games for us.

What's that? The company needs even more money? Please, take a cruise on our ship, The Queen Zenobia. The last night of every cruise is what we call "survival horror zombie laser tag night." It's a blast.

It was just a thought I had and I quickly came to realize how badass it would be. I had to type it out and keep it before it slipped away.

Anyone got any other good ideas?

#resident evil #capcom #spencer estate #business #video games #gaming #video gaming #oswell spencer #ideas #business ideas #resident evil revelations #leon kennedy

[mediawhorefics]

hiii, hope you're fine, was wondering if you have any recommendations for murder mystery books? idealy sapphic

hiiii i've been fine (pretty atrocious actually my entire life is falling apart hence why i haven't been able to maintain this second blog) i'm always here for book recs tho !!!!

this is actually a bit of a tricky one for me because i'm a big mystery fan, but i'm not huge on murder mysteries in general. i do love a challenge tho, so i'll see what i can find for you!

the last binding trilogy (freya marske) -> not quite murder mystery but a historical fantasy series ft. some murders and some mysteries. each book focuses on a queer couple and the second one ft. sapphics trying to solve a magical murder on a cruise ship. its mainly a romance series with a great magical mystery overarching plot. 10/10

i kissed shara wheeler (casey mcquiston) -> again a general mystery rather than a murder mystery but it's a sapphic ya romance about a prom queen disappearing after kissing her academic rival and said academic rival's obsession with finding her.

bury the lede (gaby dune) -> graphic novel about an intern at a newspaper stumbling upon a gruesome crime scene. (full disclosure, i dont remember anything about this one... i read it ages ago rip)

sadie (courtney summers) -> ya mystery novel. after her sister's murder, sadie, disappointed by the official investigation, skips town in pursuit of the murderer and justice for her sibling. meanwhile a radio personality overhears sadie's story at a gas station and becomes obsessed with finding her, starting a podcast to track his progress. not sapphic particularly and tw applies. it's a pretty harrowing book, but keeps you on the edge of your seat. apparently the audiobook is amazing.

big bad wolf series (charlie adhara) -> okay it's mlm and it's technically werewolf porn, but the mysteries in this ex-fbi agent partnered with a werewolf to solve werewolf crimes series are actually good and engaging and keep you on your toes. no one was more surprised than me.

the will darling adventures trilogy (kj charles) -> again mlm and more general mysteries than murder mystery specifically, but it's so good and there is a sapphic side pairing later in the series. it's set in the 1920s... will darling is a wwi vet who just inherited his uncle's second hand's bookshop which lands him in a world of trouble when both a gang of criminal and the war office end up on his doorstep looking for the same information. which he's pretty sure he doesn't have.

hither page (cat sebastian) -> sorry this one is mlm too rip. post wwii. a gruesome murder shocks a small community with a sprinkle of romance between the village's doctor and the spy sent undercover to solve the crime.

here are some books that fit the vibe that are on my to read and i'm excited to pick up, but obvs can't vouch for yet

last night at the telegraph club (malinda lo) -> sapphic love story set in 1950s san francisco chinatown

lavender house (lev a.c. rosen) -> described as knives out with a queer historical twist. set in the 1950s.

even though i knew the end (cl polk) -> historical fantasy murder mystery ft. a sapphic detective trying to catch a notorious serial killer to ensure she can have a future with the woman she loves.

a million to one (adiba jaigirdar) -> girl gang heist on the titanic. historical ya and sapphic.

meddling kids (edgar cantero) -> paranormal/horror/mystery grown up teen detectives reunite to solve a paranormal mystery fro their past. also queer.

the dead and the dark (courtney gould) -> paranormal/horror/mystery/ya/sapphic. logan, daughter of two ghosthunters, is determined to solve the mysteries of snakebite, oregon where weather patterns are odd and teenagers keep disappearing/showing up dead.

alright, i think that's all i can think of for now ??? i'll add to the list if something pops in my head, but hopefully that covers what you were looking for, at least a little? sorry i didn't 100% follow the brief for some of these haha.

#books #book rec #books rec #book recs

[cherryxlavender]

A Killer Cruise on AO3

Written by cherryxlavender. ALL chapters out now!

The final semester of Eddie's second senior year are some of the worst months of his life. Genuinely.

So when Uncle Wayne wins two tickets for a month-long cruise in a raffle, courtesy of the 'Creel Cruise Line', he encourages Eddie to take a friend and get out of Hawkins for a while, not able to leave himself due to bills.

Things start out fine, good even; possibly thanks to a cute boy who serves ice cream in a sailor suit. But when people start going missing and weird occurrences follow, Eddie can't even begin to predict the horror that will soon befall him, his buddy, Dustin, and the friends he makes on the isolated 'Creel Starcourt'.

OR: a Stranger Things slasher au set on a cruise ship during the summer of 2011.

#steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #jonathan byers #robin buckley #eddie munson x steve harrington #steve harrington x eddie munson #eddie x steve #steddie fic #stranger things fic #stranger things au #nancy wheeler #mike wheeler #will byers #dustin henderson #A Killer Cruise

[terrifyingtiny-t-rex]

Next Benoit Blanc movie: Cruise ship mystery. Benoit and Phillip are on a cruise for their anniversary. There’s a murder, obviously. Cruise ships are great for mysteries. You’ve got a limited suspect pool, there’s ship’s security, but not police, and you are trapped onboard with the killer. Phillip looking at Benoit like “of course this happened, it’s like you attract murders,” and Benoit’s just like “Phillip! What a horrid thing to say!” Phillip makes him play mini golf at some point, and he hits a ball over the rail.

#there goes nells #knives out #glass onion #Benoit blanc #movie idea