#clinical trials training courses

[aspiretechsoft]

#clinical sas certification course in pune #clinical sas programming course in pune #clinical trials certification course in pune #clinical sas training in pune

[ccrpsorg]

Introduction to Clinical Trial Training

The field of clinical research has seen a significant rise in demand over recent years, with the evolving landscape of the pharmaceutical and biotechnology industries playing a significant role. A clinical research associate (CRA) is a crucial part of the clinical trial process, as they are responsible for overseeing the well-being of subjects and ensuring that the study complies with regulatory requirements. With the clinical research market set to experience growth, it's essential to have a thorough understanding of clinical research training, encompassing its components, course options, and benefits.

I. Clinical Research Training: Background and Importance

Before diving into the specifics of clinical research training, it's necessary to understand what clinical research is and its importance in the field of medicine. Clinical research refers to the systematic study of potential new drugs, medical devices, and techniques to establish their safety and efficacy before they can be approved for use by regulatory authorities. In simple terms, clinical research aims to ensure that new treatments and therapies are both safe and effective for human use, protecting the public from potentially harmful side effects or complications.

Clinical research, thus, plays a key role in the process of bringing novel medical treatments to market. It is a multifaceted process that requires a range of skill sets, from data analysis to ethics and compliance. Clinical research associates (CRAs) are responsible for managing clinical trials and ensuring that they adhere to relevant laws and ethical guidelines. As such, clinical research training equips potential CRAs with the necessary skills to excel in their roles and contribute to the safe development of new therapies and medical products.

II. Components of Clinical Research Training

Clinical research training typically comprises several essential components, each designed to provide a comprehensive understanding of the clinical research process. Some of the critical elements of clinical research training include the following:

1. Basic Principles of Clinical Research: An overview of the fundamentals of clinical research, including the phases of clinical trials and the importance of randomization, blinding, and placebo controls.

2. Good Clinical Practice (GCP): A thorough understanding of GCP guidelines set by regulatory authorities like the International Council for Harmonisation (ICH) and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to ensure the safety, integrity, and quality of clinical trials.

3. Protocol Development: Training in the design and development of clinical trial protocols, with an emphasis on creating study objectives, inclusion/exclusion criteria, and the types of assessments required.

4. Ethics in Clinical Research: In-depth exploration of ethical considerations in clinical research, including informed consent, institutional review board (IRB) approval, and data protection.

5. Regulatory Compliance: Gaining a comprehensive understanding of the role of various regulatory authorities in the clinical research process, and ensuring compliance with relevant regulations.

6. Data Management and Biostatistics: Knowledge of essential data management techniques, including data collection and validation, data quality control, and the application of biostatistics in clinical research.

7. Clinical Trial Management: Training on the roles and responsibilities of the clinical trial team and best practices in trial management, including site selection, patient recruitment, and study closeout.

8. Safety Reporting and Pharmacovigilance: An understanding of safety reporting requirements and the importance of pharmacovigilance in maintaining patient safety throughout the clinical trial.

III. Clinical Research Training: Course Options and Certifications

Numerous clinical research training programs are available for those wishing to enter or advance within the clinical research field. These programs typically cater to diverse educational backgrounds and levels of expertise, ensuring that all prospective CRAs have access to the necessary training. Courses generally range from short-duration workshops to comprehensive diploma or degree programs.

One popular and widely recognized accreditation is the Clinical Research Associate (CRA) Certification. Obtaining this certification demonstrates a commitment to excellence and professionalism in clinical research. Several organizations offer clinical research associate certification online, making it an easily accessible option for many individuals.

In conclusion, clinical research training is essential for anyone wishing to pursue a career in clinical research. It equips learners with the skills and knowledge necessary to conduct and manage clinical trials, ensuring public safety and helping to bring life-enhancing treatments to market. With various course options available, including the Clinical Research Associate Certification Online, gaining the required qualifications is more accessible than ever before.

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[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

The Slow Path

If you feel like it, I was wondering if you could write something for Sanders Sides using the trope where the villain gets captured by the heroes and put into a rehabilitation program, and they expect to be, like, tortured or whatever but the heroes are being genuinely kind?? – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: allusions to past torture and captivity

Pairings: anxceit

Word Count: 3197

When Deceit is finally captured, the world holds its breath as the trial for the supervillain ends with...a compromise. No ordinary prison can hold the slipperiest convict in history, so instead, he'll be transferred to the heroes' complex for rehabilitation. For Virgil, a hero who fought Deceit many times and spent far too long in his captivity, being assigned as his primary care supervisor is...far from ideal. These things take time, after all. Time that has to be willingly spent. The two of them walk the slow path as Janus figures out where to go from here.

"After what I put you through, I'm amazed you can still stomach being in the same room as me." Despite the injury, Janus's gaze was as dark and piercing as ever. Virgil still struggled to meet it and kept his eyes trained on his task instead, grateful for the excuse not to.

"Hold still."

"So scared, even now," Janus continued softly, "poor thing. Have you stopped waking up screaming yet?"

Virgil pressed down on the wound at that, viciously. Looked up. Glared. "They told me to save you. They didn't tell me to make you comfortable. So shut your mouth."

Janus hissed through his teeth, turning it into a low chuckle as Virgil turned to grab more supplies. "That's it…get it out. Maybe it will help you sleep better."

Virgil took a deep breath in an effort to make his hands stop shaking. This was just another patient. Just another patient. He was a professional, he could do this. Every life is deserving of saving, no person should be left untreated, especially when it was this bad.

"I can see the gears turning in your little head over there," came Janus's voice, "trying to rationalize what you're doing."

"I'm trying to remain professional in a stressful work environment, actually."

"Aw, do I make you nervous?"

"Yes," Virgil replied blandly, going back to work, "keep as still as you can, please."

"Mm…please," Janus sighed, shifting despite the warning, "I did miss hearing that pretty word from your lips."

A cruel smile touched the corners of his mouth.

"Although…you didn't say it right this time."

Virgil gritted his teeth, trying to lose himself in the clinical analysis of what needed to be done. He needed to close before the villain lost too much blood, but there still might be debris that could cause infection. Of course, trying to find the debris might be more of an issue in and of itself…

"Look at you," Janus said, "you're trying so hard to be so strong…when we both know you'd rather run right out of this room and never come back."

Virgil swallowed.

"Don't you remember last time you got locked in a room with me?" Janus's hand turned and brushed his arm as he leaned forward again. He couldn't stop the flinch. "Did you miss it as much as I did?"

"No."

"Oh, now, I don't believe you." Janus grinned. "I think you do miss it. Look at how complicated things are out here…nothing is easy. You have to guess yourself all the time, no such thing as a black-and-white decision."

He indicates his prone form.

"Even now, you could choose to let me die. With the scope of my injuries, no one would suspect you. And who could blame you? After all I've done?" Janus's gaze sharpens. "But you would wriggle and writhe with that pesky moral compass of yours, wouldn't you?"

"I'm not letting you die."

Janus hummed. "But part of you wants to. The part of you that still wakes up at night screaming. The part of you that's still there, with me. The part of you I made."

Virgil just reached for another piece of gauze. His hand didn't shake.

"But with me…oh, you didn't have the burden of complicated 'decisions.'" Janus watched as Virgil picked up another tool. "All you had to worry about was pleasing me and staying alive. Things were simple, easy."

He tilted his head when Virgil didn't say anything.

"Don't you think?"

"I think," Virgil said, frowning at the wound, "that unless you want to risk shrapnel getting into somewhere you really don't want it to, you should try and be quiet for at least thirty consecutive seconds."

Without letting Janus respond, he picked up a sharps container and went for the biggest pieces.

"Easy," he murmured as he worked, "you're doing great. I'm almost done."

"So considerate," Janus hissed, "are you like this with all your victims?"

"You can ask them."

"After you send me to my grave?"

"After you're cleared to stand trial." He dropped the last piece into the container and set the tools aside. "That's everything. Good job."

Janus didn't say anything as he began to stitch the wound closed. His hands didn't shake anymore, steady as could be as he threaded the needle.

"You'll need to give them at least a week before they can come out."

"You're good at that," Janus said quietly, missing its usual malignancy and seduction.

"Practice makes perfect. You shouldn't even scar, though I won't promise it."

Janus narrowed his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Stitching you up. It's not safe to use staples or glue on a wound like this, though you will need to limit movement for a while—"

"Stop it," Janus interrupted, glaring at him, "stop it now."

"Stop…stitching you up?"

"Stop pretending," he snarled, "stop the whole kindly doctor act."

"One, this isn't my 'kindly doctor' act, and two…"

Virgil paused as he glanced up, words stilling on the end of his tongue. He looked at the villain. Janus's glare was fierce, but lacked the significance of scowls past. It looked almost misplaced on his face, almost like he couldn't recognize it.

He glanced at the rest of him. Janus's knuckles were white on the bed covers, his muscles tensed like he wanted to run. Did the painkillers wear off?

Or…

Virgil's eyes widened.

Janus was scared.

"I think," Virgil said slowly, "that you're the one that misses it."

Janus scoffed. "Why would I miss you? You were fun as a toy, but really, you—"

"It was easy," Virgil interrupted quietly, "it was simply. You had all the control and I hated you. You didn't have to ask."

He scoffed again, but it was weaker.

"And now we're here," he continued. He gestured around the quite pitiful room. "And I'm helping you. And you can't understand why."

"You must be so proud of yourself," Janus spat, "do you feel smart now?"

"I'm stealing almost verbatim from my therapist, actually." Virgil picked up a new tool and laid it under his hands. "I suppose I should thank you."

"Thank me?"

"Not many people have the chance to confront their trauma like this," he said, "so…yeah, thanks."

Janus stared at him.

"I'm going to finish stitching you up now," he said in a quiet voice, "tell me if anything hurts. Your painkillers should be wearing off soon."

Janus didn't say anything as Virgil continued to treat his wound. As he worked he began to take pains to be gentle, to warn Janus if anything in particular was going to hurt. Janus never responded, but he saw the fist near his arm loosen and go slack against the covers.

Had anyone ever treated Janus like this before? Had anyone ever shown him kindness? Or had he always stitched himself up, put himself back together behind closed doors where no one could see?

"There," he murmured, tying off the last suture, "all done."

He packed up his supplies and turned to leave, placing a new dose of painkillers and water on the nightstand. There came the quietest 'thank you' as he shut the door.

***

    After the trial, he found a small bottle of his favorite liquor on his desk with a note that said: As part of my compensation. – J

***

    "You're not injured already, are you," Virgil said when he walked in to see Janus near his desk, "or is training with Remus as tough as I remember?"

"He didn't hurt me," Janus said, but the tone made him pause.

This wasn't pride, this wasn't irritation, it wasn't even derision.

It was confusion.

"No," Virgil said gently, coming to touch Janus's shoulder, "no, he didn't."

***

    The stitches didn't scar. Neither did any of the other wounds Virgil treated when Janus came to him first.

He tried not to take too much pride in that.

He failed.

***

    "Why do you do this," Janus asked one night as Virgil carefully cleaned a wound on his face, "what do you get out of it?"

"I know this might be hard to believe, but being nice and kind to people makes me feel good."

"Why?"

Virgil reached for another antiseptic wipe and cupped Janus's face, thumb lightly pressed to the underside of his jaw. "Because I decided that other people deserve to live in comfort and safety, and so helping them makes me happy."

"It's that easy?"

"Easy," Virgil laughed, "no, not easy. But worth doing."

When he applied the bandage over the scrape—a minor thing, really, the result of an accident and nothing intentional—he felt Janus's hand tentatively grip his sleeve.

***

    "I hurt someone," whispered into the quiet of Virgil's private quarters late at night over glasses of water and cups of tea, "today."

Virgil set aside his book and looked up at Janus as he stared off into space. He folded his hands and waited. After a few moments, another shaky breath came from the bed and Janus's hand flexed.

"I didn't mean to. I just—I just said something. They were—they were talking about me and about you and I just—I just—"

He swallowed, the soft glow of the lamp tracing the roll of his throat with golden fingers.

"How do you do it," he whispered, "how do you—defend people without hurting them?"

Virgil was quiet for a long time. Then he sighed, "I don't know how to answer that, Janus. It's…it's just a matter of trying."

"I don't know how to do that."

He held him until they both fell asleep, tracing the patch of skin where a scar might have been.

***

    "They're sending me out into the field."

Virgil looked up from straightening his tools. Janus looked at him, fingers still twitching on the doorknob. "Are you ready for that?"

"No." He took a deep breath and pushed his shoulders back. "But I'm going anyway."

"Well, if you get yourself hurt, you know where to come."

***

    After the thirteenth mission, he stopped coming to Virgil before he left.

Even after they lost count, he kept coming after he came back.

***

    "Whatever you're doing," the supervisor said to him when he passed Virgil in the hall, "keep doing it."

Great, Virgil wanted to say, the moment I find out what that is, I will.

***

    When he looked up to see Janus standing there, fiddling with the doorknob again, he set down his paperwork and stood, reaching for the cabinet.

"No, I'm not hurt."

"What's up, then?"

"I, um…they asked me out for drinks."

Virgil paused, blinking. "Who did what, sorry?"

"The—Roman asked me if I wanted to join him, Logan, and Remus for drinks."

A strange feeling curled in Virgil's chest. "Do you want to join them?"

"Yes."

"You don't need permission from me to enjoy yourself, Janus," he said gently, "if you want to go, you can."

The feeling didn't leave as Janus smiled and turned to go, nor did it vanish when it became a regular thing.

***

    Janus didn't come back after he returned from his last mission and Virgil told himself it was fine.

***

    Logan asked him out for drinks alone. He finds out from Remus. He told himself it was a good thing.

***

    Janus told him about Logan's new fascination with a TV series as Virgil patched him up after a rough training session. He smiled and laughed through the whole thing, not wincing as Virgil applied compresses and bandage wraps. He didn't even blink when Virgil accidentally pulled it too tightly.

"You and Logan seem to be getting along well," he said, unable to keep the maelstrom of emotions out of his voice.

"Yeah, we are." Janus grinned. "Don't worry, sweetie, you're still my favorite."

He sent Janus away with too much of a blush to hide.

***

    The blush didn't stop coming back again, and again, and again.

***

    "I'm doing this for you!"

"You shouldn't be redeeming yourself for me, you should be doing it for your own sake."

Janus raised his eyebrows. "Sweetie, you really think I give a fuck about redemption for my sake? It's for you. You are the only thing here worth being good for."

Virgil blinked, stunned. "That's—I mean—well—"

A familiar smirk crossed the once-villain's face, a gleam in his eyes. But it was softer now than it used to be. "My life belongs to you, don't you remember? The second you saved it, saved me."

He took a step closer.

"I'm yours."

"You're just teasing me," Virgil mumbled.

Perhaps, but only because the words were devastatingly effective and couldn't possibly be sincere, lest Virgil start to believe them.

"Teasing?" Janus laughed. "Oh, sweetie, you'll know once I start teasing you. No, that was nothing but the truth."

Virgil started to back away. Janus followed.

"Isn't that what you wanted? What all of you wanted? For me to be good? You spent so much time talking about it, going on and on about how good it was…"

"Okay, but that's—"

"And then you were right there, taking care of me, helping me, being good to me."

Virgil's back hit the counter and before he could move, Janus had his hands braced on either side of him. He looked up as Janus leaned into his space, voice softened.

"Is it any wonder, sweetie," he murmured, "that I want to be good for you?"

Virgil swallowed. They were too close. They were too close and Janus was being too articulate and too pretty. His hands twitched on the counter. "Now you're definitely teasing me."

Janus chuckled. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

But he didn't move. In fact, he settled more comfortably against the counter.

"What're you gonna do about it?"

Virgil's face flushed. He tried to glare but Janus only smiled wider. He raised an eyebrow, looking Virgil up and down.

"For someone who was so squirmy every time they were captured," he said, soft enough not to arouse the worst of Virgil's instincts, "you're not trying very hard to get away from me. Could it be that you want to stay here?"

Virgil gritted his teeth. "Stop."

"'Stop,'" Janus mocked gently, "stop what? I'm not hurting you, am I?"

As a parody of the injury checks Virgil so often gave him, Janus leaned closer, stopping just shy of their chests bumping.

"I'm not even touching you," he whispered, mere inches from his ear.

"Stop," Virgil managed in a strangled voice, "please."

The once-villain froze. For long seconds, neither moved. Then Janus took a deep, slow breath.

"There was a time," he said softly, "when I would've given anything to hear you say that."

He dropped a hand, giving Virgil an escape route. He stood up a little, moving to one side, but not pulling away entirely—thank god, Virgil's not sure what he would've done if Janus had tried to move away. After another moment of hesitating, he felt Janus cautiously cover his hand with his own.

Virgil took several deep and shuddering breaths. Okay. Okay. He had to get himself under control, to calm down. Goddamnit, he was out of practice dealing with this version of Janus. Even the hesitant touch of their hands had him sighing, head falling forward onto Janus's shoulder with a thunk.

Janus tensed when Virgil's head made contact, then slowly relaxed.

"…was it the teasing?"

Virgil huffed. "Yes and no."

"You didn't use to react like that."

"Well, you were always trying to kill someone or do something awful. I had other things to focus on."

He could tell Janus wanted to make a joke, but he swallowed it and shook his head. "And the other part…?"

Yes, the more difficult part to explain. Virgil sighed again, leaning against the counter, closing his eyes.

"I never wanted you to mistake a forgiveness arc for a redemption arc."

"…am I supposed to know what that means?"

"The common perception of 'redemption,' the one that Patton likes to peddle, is uncomfortably Christian. And while I might have to listen to him sometimes, I don't have to listen to him about that." When Janus still looked lost, he continued. "The whole thing about atoning for what you've done, repenting, all that. Walk a mile on your knees so that people will see you've changed. That's not—that's not redemption."

"…no?"

Virgil shook his head. "No. That's not the point. No one else gets to look upon you and decide that you're a good person. We can make people stand trial and have consequences for their actions, yeah, but we can't morally deem you a good person. That's—that's like saying we're God."

Janus huffed. "Well, if anyone should have it—"

"No." Virgil shook his head. "No one should have it. Least of all me. I don't want it," he continued when Janus looked like he was about to protest, "I'm not asking for that power or that responsibility. I'll save the people I can save. I'm not going to judge them too."

Janus was quiet for a moment, running his fingers over Virgil's hand absentmindedly. "Shouldn't I be forgiven," he said after a while, "if I'm…redeeming myself?"

"Forgiveness and redemption do not equate."

"Something else Patton peddles? Along with every TV and movie ever?"

"Yes. Look, I forgave the people who hurt me for the first ten years of my life." Something dark flickered over Janus's expression. A familiar anger, though never directed for them, so it took a moment to recognize it. "Even though they never earned it or asked for it. Does that make them good?"

"No." Janus's hand tightened. "Who—"

Virgil flipped his hand over so their palms pressed together. It startled Janus into silence; the contact, although it was chaste, still made Virgil's head spin. He took a deep breath, buzzing slightly.

"So," Janus said in a slightly strangled voice, "I shouldn't ask you to forgive me?"

"What?"

"I want you to forgive me," Janus continued, voice soft and unsure, "what if I want you to forgive me?"

"…want or need?"

"Want." Janus pressed a little closer, still giving him a way out. "What if I want you to forgive me? What do I have to do?"

Virgil swallowed heavily. "Why…why do you want me to forgive you?"

Another gentle scoff left Janus's throat and he smiled ruefully. Moving slowly, he pressed Virgil's hand over the spot on his side where a scar never had the chance to form. "Haven't you guessed, sweetie?"

***

    Give me time, he'd said, and Janus had left.

Give it time, his therapist said when he asked her what he should do.

Give this time, he thought as he looked at the unopened bottle of his favorite liquor, note still attached.

***

    The bottle finds its way into Janus's new quarters, a different note attached.

If you want it, it's yours. I'll be in my room at 6pm this Saturday. – V

***

    It was never only about the liquor.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl

#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #fic #janus sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #virgil sanders

[quilliondollarbaby]

Can you please explain what patriarchal science is?

Got an interesting ask, I suspect from that squirting/gushing post.

Both medicine and medical research have well-documented structural biases against people with vaginas. (Note: from hereon out I'm going to use "men" and "women" in the very cis way that medical research does, where they don't make a distinction between gender and biological sex. I chose to do that to more accurately reflect the findings of the research, which are incredibly biased toward cis people, but that's another post entirely.)

Medicine has a dark history of being used as a tool for structural sexism. If you want a horrific historical example, read about Female Hysteria for starters. But while these biases are now rarely as overtly abusive, they still exist in the current day. The biases in patient care tend to be far more talked about (I suppose understandably), but part of the reason they exist is because of the deeper structural biases in medical research.

But let's start with patient care. For example, doctors simply believe women less than men. In patient care, one in five women report having had a doctor dismiss or ignore their concerns. A particularly insidious bias against women is called the pain bias: despite women experiencing more chronic pain overall than men, and women's pain is dismissed and undertreated in medicine. Women are less likely to be prescribed painkillers after surgeries, and they're more likely to have their pain complaints ignored or dismissed as being overemotional.

All of this echoes the sentiment that led to so-called "Female Hysteria"--as far as many doctors are concerned, they know womens' bodies better than the women do and all women are too emotional and unreasonable to trust their accounts of their own symptoms.

But all of this is also directly tied to the fact that doctors are not trained how to treat women because medical research strongly privileges men. In the pre-modern era, a tradition going back to the Ancient Greeks said that medicine should only be tested on men, who were obviously stronger and more fit to endure unintended side effects than women.

So, of course, that led to a couple millennia of medical science that had not really considered whether women might experience medicine differently than men. It wasn't even until the 70's that medical research standards changed to to encourage including women at all. The NIH and the FDA didn't force medical researchers to include women in clinical trials until 1993.

But even today, medical research often has far more men than women in their clinical trial groups, fails to record gendered differences or even represent gendered cohorts in their data, and rarely if at all performs studies specifically on groups of women.

I found this paper, which was a survey of recent medical research to examine specifically for gendered medical bias, to be particularly staggering. Just read through the tables and you'll get a strong picture of what I mean.

Part of the reason we get biases in patient care is really just garden variety misogyny in a labcoat. But another part is because even well-meaning professionals don't realize that the information they're using to treat women is entirely incomplete. That's part of what I mean when I say it's a structural bias.

You can read about one particular dearth of knowledge we have in my post about squirting/gushing, but this lack of knowledge also shows up in research about far more life-threatening kinds of medical problems. This bias leads directly to the suffering and death of women every. single. day.

That's what I mean by "patriarchal medicine."

#medicine #science #medical science #patriarchy #feminism #apparently this is a medical science blog now

[cloudbattrolls]

Fear No More

This drabble is preceded by Grey Tidings.

Ullane’s gambit to survive was not needed after all. But now she faces a far greater threat than some slavering dogs.

Indrid shakes her head, pitying Halvir a bit, her feelings clear on her face.

"A shame." She says, and she means it.

Ullane is expressionless. If anything, she is only looking to where Xrumon disappeared again. Friday looks shocked, and worried, because she knows what this means.

Ullane pats her shoulder.

Indrid looks to Artair.

"Does the prosecution have any further questions or comments?" She asks politely.

"Aye," he replies, nodding. "The prosecution notes that while it appears we may have a confession... of sorts..." he glares at Halvir again. "As to th' exact cause of the crime, which would reduce th' penalty for medical malpractice..."

He turns, unfolding his arms and resting both of them on his desk, leaning forward. "The fact remains that the defense still bears responsibility for th' death of a blueblood. It is your job to keep your facilities safe and secure from incidents like these."

"Accordingly, we request, your Honorable Tyranny, your judgment on the charge of extreme negligence and lack of care. The penalty for this is not as severe, of course," he continues, glancing at Ullane. 

"But there must be some consequence for what has happened."

Indrid nods in agreement. "The defense understands and accepts these reduced penalties, if you would like to sentence now. Thank you, your honor."

Ullane nods as well. Friday just looks sad.

The judge nods, looking solemn in spite of his fearsome appearance. "Very well. Bailiff, escort mister Urtyop into custody pending further interrogation in this incident," he begins.

The yellowblood is led away, disappearing behind a side door near to the broken window, as another troll works to sweep up the glass on the floor.

"Now then," he leans forward, looking down on the defense. "On the charge of medical malpractice leading to the death of a noble, upon hearing the arguments and evidence put forth in this most extraordinary trial, this court finds the defense: Not guilty."

"On the charge of extreme negligence and lack of care, resulting in inadvertent harm due to outside malignance, this court finds the defense: Guilty."

"Your sentence will be handed down immediately," he bares his fangs for a moment, before settling back into his seat. 

"Your medical license will be stripped from you, and you will be prohibited from the profession for a period no less than five sweeps. 

Accordingly, you are no longer fit to hold your current position, but your clinic is free to employ a different administrator of its choosing. This court also orders the remaining staff at the clinic to close this breach in security in this nanotech before any more of it may be used in further patients."

He bangs his gavel on the stand, sounding as loud as a gunshot. "Court is adjourned. Defense has one week to vacate their position."

Indrid nods in understanding. Ullane does as well. Friday sighs deeply.

As the three women exit the room, Friday looks miserable again.

"I'm not...I'm not ready, Ullane."

"Not completely." She agrees. "But you've been trained. You'll have much support. I trust you, Friday." She says simply.

The other yellowblood sighs.

"Do you think Xrumon's all right?"

"He will be." says Ullane, in a voice that clearly states what will happen if the tealblood is not all right, as she goes to look for him. Friday follows, and Indrid leaves the pair of them.

The medic lightens, just barely, giving one of her slight smiles.

"Take heart, new administrator." She says gently, slightly teasing. "The beginning is always the hardest." She says. "You'll do better than me, I think."

Friday looks startled by that.

Ullane keeps smiling.

Just inside of the courtroom lobby, Xrumon is calmly waiting on a bench. He doesn't look any worse for wear, simply annoyed. 

"About god damn time you finished up in there," he complains, rolling his eyes. "How long does it take to figure out you're only mostly an ass?"

Ullane's smile only widens on seeing him. "A long time." She says solemnly, in what would seem a serious manner if her smile weren't so obvious. 

Her expression becomes sharper, more intent as she looks at her now-former employee and patient.

"You two go back to the clinic. I have to leave now."

Chimer Latrai shows up right on cue with her blueblood guard trailing her, sighing.

"Girl, I swear, you are the third biggest headache I've ever had. Let's get going before the mob shoots another bullet through the damn wall." She snorts.

"Better the window than anyone's head," Xrumon remarks, still shaking his head. "Still the same as they ever were."

He stands up, struggling only somewhat, and frowns at Ullane. "You 'have' to leave, huh? They take your license? That's the lesser penalty for medical negligence. What a pain in the ass."

Chimer nods. "Yeah, you should see the other guy, and by other guy I mean Halsy. I do not wanna be him right now."

Ullane looks grave. "Not about that. Need to leave the city before the grey mob figures out what I did."

Chimer, sighing. "I'll put it in one word: fucked. I'd want to slap her shit if I were them." Shakes her head.

"You've probably got one week. Maybe two," Xrumon remarks. "Got rid of a lot of your lead time when those arrests got brought up, because it's not gonna be hard to figure out how the police suddenly decided to be competent."

Chimer, nodding. "Yeah, they recruited the world's most fucking deranged mediculler with a whole ribcage to pick, wouldn't you know it, real darned coincidence that was."

He rubs his forehead with one hand. "At least they're not too big. You'll be safe... ish. As long as you get out of town for a long while. Just try not to piss off any more heavily armed gangs of pissed off hemorebels."

Friday giggles nervously. "Ullane, what did you..."

Ullane, quietly. "No time for that. It won't reflect back on you. The clinic's safe from the mob now."

Friday doesn't look very reassured by that, but she nods.

Ullane nods as well in response to Xrumon's words. 

"Chimer has a place for me." She assures him.

She sticks a hand out to shake his.

"Goodbye for now, Xrumon."

His hand, scarred and calloused as it is, grasped hers. "Goodbye, Ullane," he replies, giving her as firm a shake as he can get. "And good luck out there."

She smiles, just barely, as she lets go and walks away with Chimer.

"The same to you."

Friday watches Ullane go until she's gone, looking a little lost. Then she shakes her head and looks at Xrumon.

"I'm the clinic administrator now." She says with a sigh. The once-cheery surgeonhiliator is more subdued now, slim shoulders weighed down by her new responsibilities.

Ever since Ullane told her that Friday would take her place after she was sentenced, right after Calcit's death, she has known this would happen. Ullane has been training her.

It hasn’t made it any easier. 

"Let's go back, Xrumon. There's so much to do."

"What a shit way to get a promotion," he answers blandly, but shrugs. "Lead the way, new boss."

She snorts. "It's definitely not how I wanted it...but...at least I have you, and Yarrex, and Chimer...and the others."

Friday does lead the way, back to crown clinic.

Ullane's lusus is already gone from the place, picked up by Chimer before the trial. Her office has been cleared out. There is almost no trace the yellowblood was ever here.

Except one thing, put up in the employee break room. A typed note.

"To my former employees -

I have kept quiet about my investigations, and spoken little of my trial. This has been to protect you all from my enemies, who shouldn't trouble this place any longer.

I have left the city for a while. I don't know how long. But I am safe, though I cannot message or call anyone just yet.

Treat Friday with the same respect you treated me. Help her as best you can while the clinic transitions.

Above all, thank you all for the work you've done. It means everything to me, and more importantly, the patients you've cared for.

- Ullane Wistim"

Take heart. She’ll return some night. 

Ullane Wistim always has a plan.

THE END OF 

MORE TO LOSE 

#cloud writes #more to lose #ullane wistim #friday lovely #xrumon arigah #chimer latrai #indrid dynast #fear no more the heat o'the sun. nor the furious winter's rages. #thou thy worldly task hast done. home art gone and ta'en thy wages. #golden lads and girls all must #as chimney sweepers come to dust. #and so the curtain falls. goodbye Ullane Wistim. #she'll come back home some day.

[my-time-at-brainrot]

my sandrock ocs and their pairings  :)

also a wip doodle of sonia and fang lmao

(current patch spoilers under cut)

Sonia and Fang, main save and also the one I care the most about lmao

Completely opposite personalities: Sonia has pretty much limitless energy, can talk for hours off of one tangent, very extroverted, just really excited to be around people and likes getting to know all sorts of folks, while Fang is... not any of that.

Both are the type to get absorbed into their work, but Fang gets in his own head over whether or not he's done something wrong to make Sonia stay away, but in reality Sonia kinda just forgot that she existed for a week lol

Tangentially related to the above: Sonia is so incredibly clumsy in day to day life. She trips over her own feet, falls out of chairs, stumbles when she stands in the same spot for too long, walks into walls, stubs her toes, etc. Fang first saw this after Sonia fell off of the observation table at his clinic, and thought that she had some type of balancing issue, but in actuality she just doesn't pay attention when she feels comfortable.

Because of this Fang is understandably Very Anxious about Sonia being involved with the Civil Corps, even though she is very much capable of keeping herself alive in combat situations

Sonia is usually the one making date plans, which both parties are happy about, though Sonia would like Fang to be more open about his needs.

sonia, preparing for a dangerous event: "nah dude, dude, dude i'm fine, i have hella plot armor i'm aight dude trust me"  

fang, remembering their last date at the saloon where sonia dunked her hand into blazing hot coffee after being warned that it was in fact boiling hot not once, not twice, but five times by owen: "...no."

As far as Fang's canon romance storyline goes: Fang slowly comes out of his shell over the course of Sonia's time at Sandrock, and their friendship (and eventual romance) is a very slow burn (that I still have to outline but I'll get to it when I get to it)

Sonia could not cook at all before coming to Sandrock. She ate raw potatoes out of the ground, dirt and all, "that's where the REAL nutrients are!" she would say. It was really only after Arvio's comedic failure with the Spicy Bean Paste that she gave cooking a genuine try. 

Fang was not aware of this until Juno joked about it during their first wedding anniversary. Something about Sonia putting in the time to develop a completely new skill on the off chance it could make him happy... made him emotional for a bit.  

There's one particular line from "Words to Betray the Heart" that say something about the Builder being so perfect and how Fang would be a burden on someone like that etc etc etc, and uh. Man. Can't really articulate it rn but in short it's rather important of a trigger for Sonia, so there's absolutely self esteem issues in both parties that have to get ironed out if this relationship can be healthy

Sonia did do the medical trials, and it went something like:

sonia: hm.

fang: ...

sonia: hey.

fang: ...?

sonia: i'm gonna drink all three of these at once.

fang: ?!?! 

sonia: *devours all contents of the bottles faster than lightning and passes out immediately*

fang: ?????????????? 

^ repeated for a comical amount of time until Fang finally bans her from FREE MED WEDNESDAY/FRIDAYS (TM)

Juno and Logan, the secondary save and heavily dependent on main story updates AND romance update in june/may :))))) so this is going to be rewritten without a question when the proper romance quests come out

so how normal are we about logan :)

Surface level: Juno is a Civil Corps monster hunter, Logan’s Pa was a monster hunter (and Logan is too lol) so they bond over sharing knowledge of the desert’s beasties and train together in remote areas of the desert.

Very early on, Juno develops a keen sense of... secrecy around Logan and the real nature of his departure and relationship to Sandrock as a whole, and ends up confiding in Elsie about his suspicions, but not much is really going on until Water Tower Moment (Gone Wrong)

Juno is, in short, the truest definition of orphan you can get. There is no one that ever knew his family, nor his parents’ names, or if he had any siblings. His memory only really starts around the time that he met Sonia, and being in Sandrock is only distressing him further about his lack of memories

That’s part of the reason that Juno is so drawn to Logan. The plot just doesn’t make sense to him. 

Can someone really love their Pa so much that the grief destroys everything they once loved? Can Juno ever know that type of love? (and other hurty questions)

Logan is tied to Sandrock, and keeps his hometown so near and dear to his heart. Juno... doesn’t have anything like that. If he died tomorrow, only Sonia would notice and care. No one else would even bat an eye. 

During the Duvos invasion, Juno goes missing. Logan is concerned, but quickly realizes that his concern is based in something more than simple comradery, and makes the super duper mega healthy decision to suppress his feelings. 

oh what’s this? oh boy oh boy! work in progress ocs!

Lily and Mi-an, the planned save for full release and a Builder power couple (and admittedly Mi-an the one I know the least about romance wise, but builder power couple cute)

With Yan arrested and awaiting trial in Atara, Sandrock is down a Workshop and Builder, which is especially bad news for the more remote villages around Sandrock. Sonia writes to her old friend Lily (her godparents’ daughter) and invites her to fill the position on behalf of City Hall. Lily is ecstatic and jumps on the opportunity.

Lily and Mi-an immediately hit it off and spend hours talking about various builder nerd stuff.

Out of the relationships I’m writing, this one is definitely the most casually, normally paced. 

Romance wise, they present a Heart Knot to each other at the same time, so they are on the same wavelength most of the time.

Mi-an has bouts of self confidence issues, but Lily is rather quick to hype her up and comfort her if needed

Similarly, Lily sometimes needs scheduling help, so Mi-an is happy to help coordinate commissions for Ultimate Productivity (So We Have Time To Watch Old World Romance Movies)

Armaros (they/she) and Owen, Schrodinger’s save (as in I have renamed this oc like 7 times and will probably rename her another 5 times) as well as the bachelor that I am going to take the most creative liberties with edit 4/23: mhm, i did in fact change their name an eighth time lmaoooo

Rose is completely, totally mute. They never spoken a word and never will, as it is physiologically impossible for them to verbalize their thoughts. No amount of “encouragement” will change this and they are very exhausted arguing this. 

Rose visited Sonia (former coworkers) in Sandrock about a couple months or so into her contract, and stayed at the Blue Moon during her week long visit.

Owen and Rose’s initial meeting is, well, awkward to say the least. It took Owen a little bit to catch on to why the blond wasn’t saying anything in response to him and only pointing to menu items, and he was very apologetic once Rose passed a note to him explaining themself.

Owen wouldn’t exactly admit that it was immediate love, but he was captivated by their general vibe and wanted to get to know them better

Of course, Rose did go back home to Highwind, but the two stayed in contact via letters. Owen writes very kind, cordial letters, and Rose writes in an elegant, poetic style. Soon the content of their letters would turn more romantic and emotional.

Rose has the special, unparalleled ability to quickly get people comfortable with them. Owen and Rose have similar warm vibes, but accomplish this through different ways. Owen talks to you like you’ve known each other forever, and Rose is a gentle attentive listener that takes her time responding/giving advice to someone.

Rose is pretty Church of Light religious in comparison to other ocs, so they do utilize some scripture and similar sentiments in their letters to Owen.

Until there is more Owen content, there’s not much else canon I can play with, so I will probably rewrite portions, but the general idea is going to be the same.

Bonus: a Rose and Fang interaction

Rose: :)

fang: ...Have needs, query X.

Rose: :|

fang: ...

Rose, holding up her notepad: (I’m mute. Please be patient with me. -w-)

fang: ...oh. (internally: thank you, peach...)

#my time at sandrock #mtas #ocs #fang #logan #mi-an #owen #this is the most writing i have done in like 5 weeks ah

[dingo-saurus]

so. when i did my sleep study, and found out i had sleep apnea, i was then referred to a sleep specialist at the same clinic i did the study with. he sent me to a different place across the hall to get set up with a CPAP rental trial to see if it worked for me (it did, i'm no longer a walking corpse and i have my own machine now). AND set me up with some tests to make sure my nose and lungs were functioning. i did those tests, went back to see him, we determined that my lung capacity isn't great due to previous back injuries and that i needed to train myself to breath a little better now that those back injuries are largely not an issue anymore

so.

he sent me home with a bunch of printouts. to study and work on and then i'll see him in again later to see if i've improved. sounds straight-forward

he gave me three big packets. one of them, upon further inspection, was just a bunch of screenshots from a website promoting a training course for PHYSICIANS to take in order to learn how to help patients with a specific breathing exercise method. this included pictures of of youtube videos that, when I looked them up, were endorsements from physicians posted in like 2015. this course would cost over $1,000 AUD btw

the second one was an information packet about breathing disorders that explained how breathing works and how disordered breathing is a problem. the only useful thing he handed me, although i didn't personally need it

the THIRD THING. the fucking THIRD THING. was the main packet that had actual exercises and a place to keep track of my progress. the language inside was a little unclear and confusing but i picked it up again today to read through it thoroughly and make a start on it and realized that. while there were a couple legitimate breathing exercises that sounded fairly normal, the main focus of this method the packet was championing was to get you used to "air hunger". which is to say, getting me to hold my breath for longer periods of time and then build up to extended breathing exercises where i breathed so little i was in a constant state of "air hunger" for minutes at a time. which sounded like torture to me, so my partner looked into it and yeah. there is zero scientific evidence to back up this method. i don't know how it could possibly help me INCREASE MY LUNG CAPACITY (WHICH IS THE ESTABLISHED ISSUE) to do exercises wherein i reduce my breathing so much i feel like i'm on the verge of suffocating for up to 3 minutes

#i am going to be emailing them about this in the morning #and then finding my own goddamn exercises i GUESS #jfc #i cannot believe this specialist sent me away with this much useless garbage #he could've just told me to talk to my gp or even GOOGLE exercises #this shit frustrates me so fucking much because i KNOW most people are just gonna trust them and push through it #and doing this shit to their body under the impression it'll help even if it fucking sucks #never trust a doctor #pray for me to be able to keep my temper in check when i confront him about this lmfao

[byneddiedingo]

Joseph N. Welch, Lee Remick, and George C. Scott in Anatomy of a Murder (Otto Preminger, 1959)

Cast: James Stewart, Lee Remick, Ben Gazzara, Arthur O'Connell, Eve Arden, Kathryn Grant. George C. Scott, Joseph N. Welch. Screenplay: Wendell Mayes, based on a novel by John D. Voelker (as Robert Traver). Cinematography: Sam Leavitt. Production design: Boris Leven. Film editing: Louis R. Loeffler. Music: Duke Ellington

An exceptional film, far more deserving of the year's best picture Oscar than the bombastic Ben-Hur (William Wyler), Anatomy has a lot of great things going for it: the wonderful courtroom conflict between old Hollywood pro James Stewart and Method-trained newcomer George C. Scott; the tension and volatility of Ben Gazzara as the defendant; the presence of such scene-stealers as Arthur O'Connell and Eve Arden in the supporting cast, along with other character actor stalwarts like Murray Hamilton, John Qualen, Orson Bean, Howard McNear, and Jimmy Conlin. And even the "stunt casting" of non-actor Joseph N. Welch, famous for the integrity he showed in his confrontation with Senator Joseph McCarthy during the Army-McCarthy hearings five years earlier, pays off handsomely, with Welch bringing both gravitas and humor to his role as the trial judge. The soundtrack by Duke Ellington also adds a touch of greatness to the movie, which  David Thomson calls "magnificent." Where I think it falls short of magnificence is in the treatment of the rape victim played by Lee Remick. There is, of course, some ambiguity remaining in the film as to whether she was in fact raped, but the part as written by Wendell Mayes and the performance as directed by Preminger treats the presumed victim as an air-headed sex kitten. It's possible that Hollywood, so long precluded by the Production Code from even treating the subject of sexual assault, hadn't yet developed a grammar and vocabulary for dealing with the subject. Remick was a fine actress, and she does manage to show moments of vulnerability in her performance, but the general impression of the character given by the film verges on the despicable "she was asking for it." Preminger had been flouting the Code since The Moon Is Blue (1954) and The Man With the Golden Arm (1955), challenging the strictures on language (the words "virgin" and "seduce") in the former and drug use in the latter. Anatomy continued Preminger's assault on prudishness, though few who watch it today will be shocked by its rather clinical discussion of whether Laura Mannion was indeed raped, or be inclined to sniff daintily, as Time magazine did in its review, that the film "seems less concerned with murder than with anatomy."

#Anatomy of a Murder #Otto Preminger #Joseph N. Welch #Lee Remick #George C. Scott

[commanderfreddy]

the man I am now

(a very long look back at the year)

2022 marks my 10th year on tumblr, my 25th year of life, and the ending of a strange, dark, 33-month winter that I entered too young and emerge from feeling entirely too old.

At the beginning of this year, my dad noticed that he was having some cognitive problems, assuming they were side-effects of the medication he took to manage his oesophageal cancer, and he asked me to move back home to be his carer, since my brother worked and studied full-time and I had just quit my job.

Only now, in retrospect, do I know that there is no world, anywhere in all of possibility, where I said no. It wasn't a choice, no matter how I agonised over it. I got to work and to complaining right away. I handled it about as gracelessly as any human being can do anything.

The week before I dragged all my crap across the city back to my family home, dad had a fall, and went to the emergency room. There, he was diagnosed with a brain tumour.

I think I gave up on my father more times than I can count. So many nights, waiting in an empty house, imagining his hospital bed growing cold.

Because no matter how much good news he wrung from his test results, no matter the optimism his doctors showed, no matter the plans we so doggedly laid, we had been here before.

My mother died on March 25th, 2020, only three months after being diagnosed with lung cancer.

When dad passed, we knew what crematorium to use, where his ashes would join hers in the memorial garden. All of that had been sealed in stone from the moment of his diagnosis. Because no matter how many medical professionals tried to reassure us that my mother's death had been an anomaly, a tragedy, a hideous confluence of malignance - this was our story. We knew every line, every movement, every futile rise and fall, and we played our parts as precisely as ever.

Everyone feels guilty when someone they love dies. I was sure of my role in his death before he even stopped breathing. I can play the innocent, say I was fumbling blindly through a period of life no one ever wants to imagine, let alone live through, but I know better. I knew what I was doing, when I suggested he try a week in the hospice to see how he found it, and so did he. No matter how I phrased it as a temporary stay, an introduction to the facility, he knew what was happening. When we loaded him into the patient transport to the palliative care hospice, he told me he was beginning the first day of the last stage of his life. I told him not to think like that. As though I didn't know. As though there was ever any other path.

Never once this year did I want him to die. Never once this year did I doubt he would.

I remember thinking that if he died before mid-November, my brother could still go on his Europe holiday. And he did, and he did. I remember thinking if I applied for a course in the US, I'd have something to do next year. And I did and I do.

It's not that I feel like I manifested his death personally. Perhaps, if I had gone a different kind of mad, if I had thrown myself at the bounds of this story with all my strength, I might have lucked into something. Stumbled across some clinical trial that might have done something, anything, even if only alleviate the mystery pain in his left hand that remained until he died. But I didn't. I knew, with the same certainty that I was alive, that he was going to die. And so he did.

Do I feel guilty for capitulating to that certainty? For challenging it only superficially, in a useless and often insulting attempt to cheer my dad up? Do I feel guilty for my inability to imagine another story, not even another ending, just a different middle, a final year of life where I didn't set my house on fucking fire, where we didn't snap at each other as the walls closed in, where he made that stupid train, where I did something, anything, except sit in my room and grow less and less solid, until the only ghost left in the house was me?

I don't know what I feel.

Something was my fault. A lot of things were - arguments, oversleeping, buying the wrong brand of rice, the fire (my god my god. All my furniture was thrown out. I live in a room of strange new things, objects that had never been breathed on by my mother. One bedroom in a four room house. Full and empty and full and empty). But something else was my fault, too. Something More.

I think I'll spend my life looking for it, this thing that burdens me, that overweighs my mind and crushes memories beneath its inscrutable mass.

If I knew what it was, I would understand, then. I'd understand it all, who I am, where I came from, where I'm going, what happened to me, who my parents were - everything, all of it will become clear as soon as I realise what it is I did wrong.

What I could have done differently.

I remember, perhaps a day or two before he went into hospice, waking him up from a fitful and unpleasant nap so he could have dinner. He spoke of an argument with me, and I don't even know what he accused me of saying, just that it was so awful, so directly drawn from the very worst parts of my psyche, that I could focus on nothing but reassuring him that it had just been a dream. But the other conversation he recalled, he could not be convinced was a dream. I wasn't there for his last meeting with his oncologist, doing my best to "give him privacy" (slack off) ((hide from reality)), but it was a month or two before he passed. And my dad felt then, with his transfer from oncology to palliative care, that his doctor had given up on him.

I hated to hear him say that, the bitterness and fear in his voice. I hated to hear him say that, knowing I had given up on him first.

But these are the people we are. We are crushed by the weight of life to the shape it has taken so far, anticipating it to continue in much the same way.

Dad had a few genuine high moments of optimism last year, when it was just oesophageal cancer, when it was one foe, as yet asymptomatic, that could be grappled with, one-on-one. But after the brain cancer diagnosis, we couldn't keep the darkness at bay.

My father wasn't a religious man. His mind was his soul. This was the one death he couldn't bear to die.

And so it was the only death that could take him.

He stayed, right until the very end. It was him that I saw, behind eyes he struggled to move, trying to force breath past lips that could not move.

He was so afraid of being Mum. Mum, who, for the last two? - three? - days of her existence, could not respond. Who could be woken, but not to a world she could see or interact with. Whose eyes darted, vague and furious, as she failed to meet mine. She frightened me then, the wild, lost look on her face. And she frightened Dad, who begged me, in his last week of life, to reassure him that he did not look like that. That he was not leaving me in such an ugly procession.

That he could ask was proof enough. And then his voice deserted him, and it was only with his careful, pleading eyes that he could beg.

What a relief it was when I showed him the pictures I took of the lunar eclipse of the night before and he could respond, in genuine, true reaction, surprise and wonder in his raising eyebrows, the widening of his eyelids.

That night they called me in to say goodbye.

I ran 3 kilometres uphill in the dark, wearing a jacket that seemed to float around me, like I weighed nothing, like I was nothing, like I was flying, furling out into the night, moving at last without the burden of breath or need for fuel, simply going as fast as possibly could.

Not fast enough.

When my mother died I was eating a bowl of spaghetti.

When my father died I was waiting for the lights to change across from the train station.

Life ends in much the same manner in which it is lived.

Weeks in the hospital, watching, wondering, knowing, and still I couldn't be there to say goodbye.

Perhaps that's it, the source of the guilt. Perhaps it's just another thing, another instant of existence to regret. Something you can't change.

A choice that isn't a choice at all.

I died this year.

We all die every year: a hundred tiny deaths as strangers forget our faces, as someone stops ordering their tea the way you first recommended it, as you ignore a text from someone for the last time, and your lives forever diverge. No doubt I died this way as many times as usual. But I have, I feel, become something else, too.

Something I don't particularly like, with so many of the same old flaws and failings - oversleeping, failing to think of others, walking in that hunched way that hurts my shoulders, but something new all the same.

When I first started this blog, I was fourteen years old. I was so loud, and I took up all the wrong space, moving in an awkward, unintentionally exaggerated manner, and annoying everyone for it.

Now I go days without speaking. My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth and takes effort to dislodge. Something about my body language makes me hard to see, and I'll stand at a shop counter for eons, always surprising the cashier when they turn around, no inkling that anyone was there. There are few other situations beyond shopping where I will interact with someone.

On Christmas Eve I delivered a box of chocolates to my neighbours, and with their combined six extroverted bodies, was shepherded inside to sit in their sunroom and share a platter of fruit with them. It was such a strange and alien bliss, cold grapes in summer, the gentle licks from their dog, the awkward bend of my legs upon the floorboards as I asked my neighbour what she was studying, only to be overcome with an inexplicable gratitude when she said nursing.

But some of this is old, too. You can go back, dig through my archives, my personal posts, my plaintive adolescent agonies that persist, no matter how I try to articulate them better, that feel just as wretched as when I was fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, eternal, undying.

I've always felt other, separate. It scares me to have proof of it. What then, what now? How do I tether myself to the belief that I am human, that I must be, if only because there is nothing else I could be? I'm no longer anyone's child.

I talked about this with my mother once, saying it was funny that we still call people's offspring their "children" even when they're grown, when they're old, and she said that I'd always be her baby, even when I was old and she was even older. Well I'm young and she's gone and I'll never be anyone's baby again.

I feel the need to disclaim that I'm never gonna kill myself. For a variety of reasons, but lately, most of all, because dying is so fucking difficult. I don't really trust anyone to get it right for me. And that's the scariest part about death. No one dies alone. No matter how long it takes to run up that steepest of hills. It's a process, a long drawn out one, even when the death is sudden and an anomaly to oncologists everywhere. The death begins at a point I can't find, and never really ends. Not even when you're forgotten - you're still dead then and you're still dying, as the universe dies around you. Beyond nights in hospitals and days in legal offices, you die over and over, constantly, in everyone's minds, in everyone's lives, as they become people you can't know, needing help you will never be able to provide, and still and still they carry you with them, your dusk-tossed dust long gone while the spectre of the person you once were to them hammers away in their heart.

I'm not gonna kill myself. I don't think I'm qualified to die.

But I'm not sure I can figure out how to be born again, either.

"Das Ei ist die Welt. Wer geboren werden will, muss eine Welt zerstören" [The egg is the world. Whoever wishes to be born must destroy a world]. I don't know what world I have left to destroy.

I have become strange to myself, to the lonely teenager that first settled into this digital space, even as I have failed to ease any of his pains. I never was cut out to be a carer. I'm forgetting how to care at all. I'm becoming thin (my doctor's worried about my diet but I can't remember to eat) and thinner (sometimes I feel like you can see the world through me, transparent and just as frangible as a window, too). I won't let myself die. But that's all I have. I can no longer think in future tense, not specifically, not beyond the pretentious, sweeping eternalisms I declare in an attempt to hitch myself to something bigger than myself.

Nothing is big enough. Multiplying by zero always gets you to the same place.

I set out to write a summary of the year, to try and get my head around this epicentre of my existence. I'm not sure what I ended up with, or where I am. Certainly not how to finish.

My bad.

When I write fiction, I've had the most success by starting with an ending, and building the most satisfying leadup I can to make it worthwhile. Probably should have done that here.

Then again, this year has shown me all too well what happens when you decide on the ending before your story is done.

#personal #death and dying talk #fred says a thing #this started out as a kind of #2022 year in review #Thing. #but there's really only one thing i can talk about #one framework for the life i have lived for the past 12 months #i really did try to find a hopeful note to end on #but sometimes ambiguity is all the comfort you can get #still its there #in the unknowns and unknowables #potential for something #ill be ok #i dont know how to be anything else

[aniketjhdav01]

Who is clinical research coordinator?

A Clinical Research Coordinator (CRC) is a vital member of a clinical research team who plays a significant role in the conduct of clinical trials. In this blog, we will explore what a CRC does, their qualifications, and the skills required to be successful in this role. If you want to do clinical research course  you must have a bachelor's degree and at least 3,000 hours of experience as a CRA. There are Top Clinical research training institute field gives you potential to make a difference in people's lives by curing diseases and preventing illnesses, thereby enhancing people's quality of life.

What does a Clinical Research Coordinator do?

A CRC is responsible for coordinating the daily operations of a clinical trial. Their primary role is to ensure that the study is conducted in compliance with the protocol, regulatory requirements, and good clinical practice guidelines. If you want to get proper knowledge of clinical research course you must enroll Clinical Research Course The following are some of the key responsibilities of a CRC:

Protocol Development: A CRC may assist in the development of a research protocol, which outlines the study's objectives, methodology, and data analysis plan. They may also help with the design of data collection tools such as case report forms (CRFs) and electronic data capture (EDC) systems.

Recruitment and Screening of Participants: A CRC may identify and screen potential study participants for eligibility criteria, obtain informed consent, and enroll them in the study. They may also be responsible for tracking and maintaining participant files and medical records.

Study Coordination: A CRC is responsible for coordinating study visits, scheduling procedures and tests, and ensuring that study procedures are performed according to the protocol. They may also monitor participant safety and adverse events, and report them to the sponsor and regulatory authorities as required. Clinical Research course helps you to get knowledge in deep about clinical research.

Data Collection and Management: A CRC is responsible for collecting and managing study data, including ensuring that data is accurate, complete, and entered into the study database in a timely manner. They may also perform data quality checks and resolve any discrepancies.

Study Closeout: A CRC may assist in the study closeout process, which includes archiving study documents, completing study reports, and preparing for audits and inspections.

What are the qualifications of a Clinical Research Coordinator?

To become a CRC, one typically needs a bachelor's degree in a relevant field such as nursing, life sciences, or health sciences. Some employers may require additional certifications, such as the Certified Clinical Research Professional (CCRP) certification from the Society of Clinical Research Associates (SoCRA) or the Association of Clinical Research Professionals (ACRP). Additionally, some employers may require previous experience in clinical research, such as working as a clinical research assistant or study coordinator.

What skills are required to be a successful Clinical Research Coordinator?

To be a successful CRC, one needs to have a combination of technical, interpersonal, and organizational skills. The following are some of the key skills required:

Knowledge of Regulations: A CRC should have a good understanding of regulatory requirements for clinical trials, such as Good Clinical Practice (GCP) guidelines, International Council for Harmonisation (ICH) guidelines, and local regulatory requirements.

Attention to Detail: A CRC should have excellent attention to detail to ensure that study procedures are followed correctly and that data is accurate and complete.

Communication Skills: A CRC should have excellent communication skills to effectively communicate with study participants, study staff, sponsors, and regulatory authorities.

Time Management: A CRC should be able to manage their time effectively to ensure that study procedures are performed according to the timeline outlined in the protocol.

Problem Solving: A CRC should be able to identify and solve problems that arise during the course of the study, such as adverse events or protocol deviations.

In conclusion, a Clinical Research Coordinator is an essential member of a clinical research team who plays a critical role in the successful conduct of clinical trials. They are responsible for coordinating the daily operations of the study, ensuring that it is conducted in compliance with the protocol, regulatory requirements, and good clinical practice guidelines. Hence, Clinical Research Training is the best way to learn easily clinical research.  To be a successful CRC, one needs to have a combination of technical, interpersonal, and organizational skills.

#clinicalresearchcourse #clinicalresearchtraining

[aspiretechsoft]

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[tragictriangle]

I keep going to DBT sessions, even though I still have no idea what my diagnosis is. I just feel like it helps.

Like I’m still pretty sure that if I go to the first psychiatrist he’ll repeat his NPD diagnosis, and I’m EVEN MORE SURE that the second one will defend her BPD one. The lady I visited like 1.5 years ago that prescribed me my first medications (which did not do like anything mostly) will also repeat herself on Anxiety disorder.

I absolutely adore my new therapist, turns out I got into maybe THE ONLY one clinic in my part of Russia that recognises the existence of adult ADHD, she has ADHD herself and the more I talk to her, the more I recognise some traits of the disorder in myself. KNOWING THAT THERE IS 999999% CHANCE THAT IF ILL GO TO A PSYCHIATRIST HE WILL NOT SUPPORT THIS ASSUMPTION AND SUGGEST SOMETHING ELSE.

Like how do you people get diagnosed. HOWWWWW.

I resonate with some of those diagnosis, to some extent, but not having any specific box to put yourself into, or any specific medications for your needs, types of therapy that has enough research base and proven effectiveness, it’s not cool.

And let’s drop a freaking WAR at the top of it, alongside with your country showing some early signs of a failed state stage, your entire government in strong need for some Haaga trial. with everything that goes along in internal and external politics.

We should really talk more about the impact of political regimes and it’s actions on mental health. Or I might just not know those voices, creators and writers.

The potential i feel in this type of therapy is boundless, but you know you can’t do everything right at the first take and it messes up your motivation and self-esteem. I often hear that some people take two or even three courses to ensure they have learned everything, maybe I’ll do the same. But also isn’t it makes you relax even more knowing that you can take the course as many times as you wanted so you don’t need to train that much or pay that much attention to the materials???

#dbt therapy #undiagnosed something #npd #bpd #russia ukraine war #adhd #anxiety disorder

[giostarstemcelltherapy]

Your Guide to Stem Cell Therapy

Stem cells are quite a boon for the mankind’s welfare. Surely many of you may have come across the benefits and challenges in stem cell therapy; while some may not. I know many thousands of people are curious to know more about this transforming therapy and likewise they look on to google, the internet basically. I’ll try my best in delivering what’s needed – factual and trustworthy information.

Please note that I am not trying to sell you anything nor am I a physician. Trained physicians and doctors are the best source to get medical advice from. Always consult them because it’s better to be safe than sorry. While we get in to it, your support is very much appreciated and we are delighted to help you anytime.

Stem cells are cells found in our body just like other cells; what sets them apart is their ability of regeneration and differentiation. Regeneration is the ability of the cell to renew itself after cell division or injury. The later is the ability to specialize into a generic cell/tissue. Food and Drugs Association (FDA) approves stem cells as drugs, the only difference is that stem cells are live cells that can divide, grow and move in and around your body.

It is true that this therapy is not free from challenges. With the onset of this therapy, your doctors have little to no control over how it will react. Different types of stem cells come with different risks and outcomes. Various unanticipated risks include what if they start growing and form tumor, they may specialize into different type of cells and many more. It can be helpful or harmful; the point here is it cannot be controlled.

As a curious bee myself, I am excited as everybody to see the potential of this therapy. The preclinical trials showed encouraging results and promises to be effective against a number of diseases such as bone marrow transplant for blood cancer, heart complications and neuro-degenerative diseases. Stem cells are injected by doctors into your body or muscles wherever it is required.

It is good to stay curious and ask many questions till your doubts are cleared. Refrain from those clinics and physicians who try to make you believe that stem cells treatment is a cure-all therapy. They just want your bucks. Here’s what you can do. First and foremost, make sure to figure out whether the treatment is FDA approved or not. Secondly, ask them to show results or data as previous patients that shows the treatment is safe and effective. If they do not answer any one of the two questions, there’s a high probability that is a hoax. Refuse to believe anything until they provide you evidence.

Of course times are changing and it won’t stay the same 5-10 years from now, but this us the reality now. These unregulated stem cell clinics wants your money and worst case scenario, will endanger your or your loved one’s life.

#stemcells #India #GIOSTAR

[medipharmsolutionss]

Navigating the Landscape of Pharmacovigilance: Online Courses and Clinical Data Management

Introduction

In the dynamic realm of pharmaceuticals, the significance of pharmacovigilance courses online and proficient clinical data management cannot be overstated. As the healthcare industry continues to evolve, the demand for skilled professionals in pharmacovigilance and clinical research data management escalates. In this article, we delve into the pivotal role of these disciplines, explore the avenues of online education, and shed light on the importance of adeptly managing clinical data.

The Foundation of Pharmacovigilance

Pharmacovigilance, often dubbed as the watchdog of the pharmaceutical world, encompasses the systematic detection, assessment, understanding, and prevention of adverse effects or any other drug-related problems. In the wake of increasing complexities in drug development and stringent regulatory standards, pharmacovigilance plays a central role in ensuring drug safety and efficacy throughout its lifecycle.

Unveiling Online Pharmacovigilance Courses

With the surge in demand for skilled pharmacovigilance professionals, the accessibility and flexibility of online courses have become paramount. Online pharmacovigilance courses offer a comprehensive curriculum tailored to meet industry standards and regulatory requirements. These courses provide aspiring professionals with a thorough understanding of pharmacovigilance principles, regulatory frameworks, risk management strategies, and signal detection methodologies.

The Crux of Clinical Research Data Management

Clinical data management serves as the backbone of clinical research, encompassing the collection, organization, validation, and analysis of data obtained from clinical trials. In an era driven by data-centric decision-making, efficient clinical data management is indispensable for ensuring the integrity, accuracy, and reliability of clinical trial data.

Navigating the Landscape of Clinical Data Management

In today's evolving healthcare landscape, the significance of adept clinical data management cannot be overstated. As the volume and complexity of clinical trial data continue to escalate, there is a growing demand for skilled professionals proficient in clinical data management. Online courses in clinical data management offer a structured curriculum covering essential aspects such as database design, data cleaning, quality control, and regulatory compliance.

The Intersection: Integrating Pharmacovigilance and Clinical Data Management

The convergence of pharmacovigilance and clinical data management heralds a new era of synergy and collaboration within the pharmaceutical industry. By seamlessly integrating pharmacovigilance principles into clinical data management processes, organizations can enhance their ability to detect, assess, and mitigate potential risks associated with investigational drugs.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the fields of pharmacovigilance and clinical data management stand as pillars of safety and efficacy in the pharmaceutical landscape. With the advent of online education, aspiring professionals now have unprecedented access to specialized courses that equip them with the knowledge and skills necessary to excel in these domains. As the healthcare industry continues to evolve, the demand for proficient pharmacovigilance and clinical data management professionals will only intensify, underscoring the importance of investing in education and training in these critical areas.

#across the spiderverse #pharmacovigilance courses online #pharmacovigilance training

[companysconnectsin]

CSV Course in Bangalore

Discover the intricacies of Clinical Data Management through our comprehensive CSV Course in Bangalore. Gain hands-on experience with industry-leading tools and techniques, ensuring accurate and compliant data handling. Elevate your career prospects in the pharmaceutical and healthcare sectors with this essential training. Join us to master the art of maintaining data integrity and regulatory compliance for successful clinical trials.

Get more Information at: www.companysconnects.com/computerized-system-validation

#clinical data management training online #pharmacovigilance courses #sap mes training #mes training

[rmceducation92]

Tashkent Medical Academy

The Tashkent Medical Academy is in the main city of Uzbekistan. It is a top school that is committed to teaching, researching, and coming up with new ways to improve healthcare. The academy was created to train skilled medical professionals and advance medical science. It has become a leader in the field, renowned for its rigorous academics, top-notch clinical training, and top-notch research. Through education, research, and service, Tashkent Medical Academy continues to shape the future of healthcare with its state-of-the-art facilities, distinguished teachers, and wide range of academic programs.

History and Setting Up

Since it opened in 1919, Tashkent Medical Academy has had a long and interesting past. It was founded so that there would be trained medical staff in the area, and it has grown into one of the most respected medical organizations in Uzbekistan. The academy has stuck to its original values of academic excellence, professionalism, and community service over the years. Through education, study, and clinical practice, it shapes the future of healthcare.

The campus and its buildings

To help with its academic and study work, Tashkent Medical Academy is located on a modern campus with cutting-edge facilities. There are well-equipped lecture halls, labs, and medical simulation centers on campus where students can learn how to do different medical treatments by doing them themselves. The campus of the academy also has green spaces, libraries, student dorms, and sports facilities, all of which make it a good place for students to learn, do study, and grow as people.

Offerings in Academic Programs

Over the course of its undergraduate and graduate studies, Tashkent Medical Academy covers a wide range of topics in the fields of medicine and healthcare. These programs are made to meet foreign standards and get students ready for successful careers in teaching, research, and healthcare practice.

Programs for Freshmen

Undergraduate classes at the academy usually last six years and have a tough curriculum that covers basic medical sciences, clinical medicine, and hands-on training. Students learn a lot about anatomy, physiology, pharmacology, pathology, and other basic medical subjects that prepare them for the difficulties of working in modern healthcare.

Programs for higher school

Tashkent Medical Academy offers postgraduate programs for doctors who want to get more training and specialize in addition to undergraduate degrees. There are master's degrees, doctoral degrees, and residency programs in a wide range of medical specialties. These programs help students get more medical knowledge and find work in specific areas of medicine.

Research and new ideas

Tashkent Medical Academy's goal is to develop medical science and make healthcare better, and research and new ideas are big parts of that. The academy is constantly working to solve important health problems, do ground-breaking research in many areas of medicine, and add to scientific knowledge and new ideas. Its research projects include basic science studies, clinical trials, population studies, and community-based research projects. These are all meant to improve patient care and deal with health problems in the United States and around the world.

The faculty and staff

The Tashkent Medical Academy has a great faculty made up of experienced teachers, doctors, and researchers who are leaders in their areas. The faculty members are committed to giving students a high-quality education, as well as mentorship and advice that will help them grow intellectually and professionally. The academy's academic excellence and status as a center of medical education and scholarship are helped by the faculty's knowledge, hard work, and love for teaching and research.

Being a student

The Tashkent Medical Academy has a lively and rewarding student life that gives students many chances to grow as people, get involved in activities outside of school, and make friends. There are many clubs, societies, and events at the academy that help students to pursue their interests, learn how to be leaders, and make friends that will last a lifetime. The academy also offers support services, counseling, and recreational spaces to help students be healthy and do well in school and in their personal lives.

Meaning in Culture

The Tashkent Medical Academy is a very important part of Tashkent and Uzbekistan's culture. It is a sign of growth, modernization, and educational progress. The academy helps protect and promote Uzbekistan's rich cultural history while also encouraging new ideas and high standards in healthcare education and research. The people who graduate from this school are very important to improving healthcare, making communities healthier, and upholding the ideals of service and professionalism.

Important Alumni

Over the years, Tashkent Medical Academy has turned out many accomplished graduates who have made important impacts to medicine, healthcare, and society as a whole. Health care professionals, researchers, teachers, administrators, and politicians in Uzbekistan and around the world are among its graduates. Their dedication to excellence, honesty, and kindness are in line with the academy's ideals, and they continue to improve people's health and well-being.

Partnering and getting known around the world

Tashkent Medical Academy is known and praised around the world for its academic success, study contributions, and work with other universities around the world. The academy has formed partnerships with some of the world's best universities, research centers, and healthcare groups. These partnerships make it possible for students to exchange ideas, work together on research projects, and work together on education and training projects. These partnerships help the academy's reputation around the world, encourage understanding between cultures, and give students and teachers great chances to work together and connect with people from other countries.

Problems and Hopes for the Future

Like all institutions, Tashkent Medical Academy meets problems like not having enough money or resources and having to change with the times when healthcare needs and technologies change. The academy is ready to face these challenges, though, thanks to its hardworking teachers, driven students, and helpful community. It will be able to keep its goal of providing excellent medical education, research, and service. Tashkent Medical Academy will continue to shape the future of healthcare and make a lasting effect on the health and well-being of people and communities by being open to new ideas, encouraging collaboration, and staying true to its core values.

In conclusion

The Tashkent Medical Academy continues to be a model of excellence in medical education and study, training the next generation of leaders and innovators in health care. By focusing on academic success, new research, and community involvement, the academy continues to advance medical science, improve healthcare, and promote the health and well-being of people and communities in Tashkent, Uzbekistan, and beyond.

FAQs stand for "Frequently Asked Questions." Is the Tashkent Medical Academy recognized?

This school is approved by both the Ministry of Health and the Ministry of Higher and Secondary Specialized Education of the Republic of Uzbekistan. What are the requirements to get into the Tashkent Medical Academy's college programs?

To get in, you usually need a high school diploma or the equivalent, to pass entrance exams, and to meet certain academic and language ability standards. Does the Tashkent Medical Academy give students grants or other forms of financial aid?

Yes, the school does give scholarships, grants, and other forms of financial aid to students who qualify based on factors like academic performance, financial need, and more. What kinds of study does the Tashkent Medical Academy do?

The academy does study in many areas of medicine and health care, such as epidemiology, clinical research, public health, biomedical sciences, and more.

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